#and while its good i was venting my emotions its very healing in a way to see that turn into

[sharkdays]

something sweet i realized when flipping through old journal entries: without meaning to, i've started ending off my journal entries with some variation of "i love you"

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[moonlight-tmd]

So i don’t plan on watching TFA but that won’t stop me from having little headcanons and AUs >:3 so- my thing w/ these is mainly around Bumblebee cuz i think he deserves more love. Also the ‘cons- so these are the main points from the fuckton of my AUs and headcanons i’ve come up w/-

1. Bumblebee is secretly way cooler than in canon.

this includes all sorts of things, alternate meeting routes, secretly being something that’s either dangerous or epicly strong and/or a creature of legends.[more on the last one later]

2. Decepticons are way nicer than they are in the show that i didn’t watch fanfics.

the fanfics i read about a certain ship in that fandom often describe the ‘cons being very cruel. my idea- like i’ve mentioned in this post- is that the cons are nicer than the canon/fanfic versions. I can wrtie a full on explanation to how i see the cons and what they do but that would be a whole another post-

3. Little but significant changes in canon TFA.

this is mainly for little interesting ideas i had considering characters and ‘what ifs’ in the canon that i’ve seen from the other posts. i can name few bigger ones-

-Bumblebee has a good voice for singing [talked in this and this]. That’s one of the things he’s really anxious about and won’t openly do. 

-Since Ratchet is the only medic in the team and only he and Sari’s Key can fix bots- whenever he gets damaged he has to wait for Sari to use the Key on him. He will fix what he can reach but the rest Sari has to take care of. I also had this cool lil idea that Sari keeps the weird healing properties the Key had when she upgrades herself, also she learns basic Cybertronian first aid, just so poor Ratchet won’t suffer if he gets sick.

-Getting back to Bee, he is one fo the kindest bots known. Sure, he can be a menace to the team but he really cares about them and will do anything to make someone feel better if they’re feeling down/need help.

-Prowl is the emotional support, he and Bumblebee- despite being on frienemies type of relations- know each other very good, When Bee feels down and/or needs to vent about a sensitive topic- Prowl is the bot to go to. Like the saying goes “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, Prowl likes to know more about the situation before jumping into conclusions.

-Optimus is a kindhearted leader and while stern on rules, he is most likely to give a bad bot another chance if they show enough will to change themselves and get on a better path.

-Ratchet uses human curses when things are really bad/going down rapidly, same with Bee. [plus Bee will cuss like a sailor and get a talking-to from Bossbot for it all the time, lol]

[nateoldrin]

i will likely be having major surgery on my 30th birthday next month and i don't know if i'll survive it, and i wanted to leave this message for anyone younger (or my age or older!) who struggles with this. if you suspect that you have PTSD or C-PTSD from medical treatment, please read below. if you don't suspect this but have told someone they're not valid for that, read below.

ok and encouraged to reblog.

i wanted to use this vent drawing for this for extra impact, as this is one of numerous (hundreds) of vent pieces i have pertaining to this issue. tw for types of trauma, abuse and medical trauma.

PTSD, and likewise C-PTSD (and DID, though that is not the topic today as interlinked as they are for me) can be caused by an unintended trauma too. people think that all trauma has to happen because harm befell you on purpose or due to a gruesome accident - sexual assault, domestic abuse, repeated beatings, car accident, war, and so on. PTSD usually comes about from a single event (though not always!), while C-PTSD, or Complex PTSD, "by contrast, is more likely to occur when a person experiences multiple or ongoing traumas or when a single trauma lasts for a long time and leads to feelings of captivity."

the examples most often used are to do with purposeful harm, such as abuse or repeated assault, but did you know that doesn't have to always be the case?

PTSD, and C-PTSD, can be developed from prolonged FEELING of being trapped or harmed regardless of the intent of the people who are inflicting the harm, ie

prolonged medical treatment at a young age.

this is a complicated topic, but to put is in very simple ways: a baby doesn't know that it's being cut into (surgeries), harmed (pain), taken away from its parents (observation, life risk, etc) and so on for its own good. a newborn can't tell. you can't explain that to a baby's brain. so to a small brain, this is all perceived as intended and severe harm akin to sexual assault. i have a similar type of response to certain stimuli as people who have trauma that comes from SA. i have been told, numerous times, that my trauma doesn't count because:

1. i don't remember it; my flashbacks are emotional and consist of deep breakdowns with total loss of cognition but no memory of what's harming me so sometimes i can have a sense of doom, or have a flashback without knowing what's going on

2. it wasn't caused by intended harm (such as SA)

i have even thought in the past that i was sexually assaulted due to how similarly i react to SA and medical treatment (i have been groomed and assaulted as well, though not as a baby, so my trauma doesn't stem from there). after years of therapy, my doctor told me that it's because to a child, especially one who can't yet understand complex situations, such as a newborn or baby, an invasion of the body's boundaries and the bodily autonomy is invaded horrifically in both a surgery and a SA, so my body just reacts to it as it is: my bodily autonomy was invaded, i was harmed, i was horrifically "abused", i was never "safe" and my parents "didn't save me". whether those concepts are rooted in reality doesn't ultimately matter, because that's what my brain THINKS. it's a trauma so deep, it can't be uprooted with remembering, understanding, forgiving, etc.

it's a very complex healing process because speaking strictly logically, i have no one to be mad at, no one to blame, and no memories to process - all of my trauma is stored in my body, in my subconscious, in my muscles, in my bones, in my fractured mind. i developed psychosis due to this. people were trying to help me, and though i know that now, my child self never did. it's not something i can go back to explain to him.

when i first started therapy at 18, i didn't even believe my therapist that i was traumatized by my numerous medical treatments. i don't remember this, but allegedly i even got enraged the first few times she suggested it. i have since accepted it and tried to work on it in numerous ways. i'm also not comfortable disclosing what my exact medical condition/medical situation is, but i will say that when you have a chronic health condition, having C-PTSD by it is horrific, because you can never really "escape". i will never be free. if i no longer seek medical treatment for my disability/problem, my condition is terminal, but if i keep seeking treatment then i get re-traumatized each and every time i have to get checked up (or hospitalized). additionally, this has made me mentally incapable of really being independent - i also suffer from other things that this has simply made worse.

i can't really heal because i don't have the time, and growing up i was never given the tools or ability to be angry at my circumstances ("be grateful" "your life was saved" "this was a miracle" "good people helped us" "your surgeon was a genius") so it built up. i could not healthily express anger until my early 20s.

so, if you think that you may have PTSD/C-PTSD from prolonged medical treatment since a young age (in my case, literally since the day i was born until now - 30 years), try and talk about it with a therapist if you can, and know you aren't fake.

trauma doesn't have to be caused by purposeful harm to be trauma.

stay strong. i don't know if there is light at the end of the tunnel for us, but don't give up hope, and know you are real.

[twilightknight17]

Yesterday on P3R, we learn some new things, shake our heads at Kenji, and explore a new area of Tartarus!

Chidori is still being held in the hospital, mostly refusing to talk. She will talk to Junpei, but not about anything to do with Strega.

Today, though, she has an… adverse reaction.

Akihiko, its either a shadow or a persona. Come on, man. Being able to see it outside the Dark Hour is interesting, though.

Shinji, fortunately, tells them to get the hell out of the way so he can give her medicine, which calms down her persona and probably saves her life.

I’m with Mitsuru. That’s really not something to be so chill about.

That means their awakenings were definitely wrong, which we sort of already knew based on the whole human experimentation thing. I’m not entirely sure how to interpret this in terms of wider lore. Your shadow will definitely try to kill you if you reject it, but that’s not what’s happening here. This might say more about Chidori’s overall mindset than anything. Especially since she really just doesn’t care whether she lives or dies.

Junpei tells her that he didn’t want her to die. That he was panicking when Medea tried to kill her.

“Dying just means you don’t wake up tomorrow.”

Junpei doesn’t want to hear that in the slightest.

He’s in love with this girl. He hasn’t said it out loud yet, but I think saying that is close enough. XD

Shinji left the hospital, and Akihiko chased after him to ask why he had persona suppressants. Which… Shinji refused to answer, which is an answer in and of itself. The reason Akihiko is so worried, though, is because of the side-effects. Which are not specifically named, but implied to be very bad. Shinji tells him not to worry though, because he’s not taking them anymore now that he’s fighting again.

Akihiko punches him for that.

Oh, that’s what happened. :/ Fucking hell, Aki.

Can all my senpais pls get it together and communicate with each other?

Well, while everyone else is experiencing emotional honesty and getting punched, I guess I’ll go hang out with Kenji. Most just because I have to know where this link is going.

Man, if I wasn’t trying to get the correct answers, Minato’s doofus answers would be all the ones I’d use for this guy.

Kenji isn’t sure how many more times we’re going to be able to go out like this. He’s going to be going to cram school, after all, and working really hard to get into a good college. Since he went in Ms. Kanou’s room (?????) and saw that she had a wedding magazine on her side table. So he’s got to be seriously thinking about his future, because his plans are set!

I want to say “sure whatever” so badly.

But like, go for it, Kenji. I, uh, believe in you? Or something?

Going out for ramen with Shinji was nicer, I think. We’re just chilling.

My elders can be remarkably unhelpful sometimes. Especially all of my teachers. Including Ikutsuki.

I need to find some time this week to go to Tartarus, since the new area is open. I think it’s gonna be a new block, so I can’t wait to see what things look like next. Industrial is fun and all, but the stairs are a little annoying. So--

...that can happen??? The game is warning me there might be irreversible consequences if I don’t save them?

I’m guessing this is one of my social links, so if they get munched, I can’t finish their link. I guess we’re going to Tartarus, later.

After school, Junpei learns that Chidori can transfer her energy to heal, when she revives her wilted sunflowers.

Holy shit, girl. You’re a really powerful navi.

Also after school, Fuuka’s food is so bad that Minato gets physically sick.

She put way too many strong flavors together. T_T

Okay, look, I need to go to Tartarus. I know. HOWEVER, if I finish Tanaka’s link, I never have to talk to him again. So we’re gonna do it.

...oh. Well. Look who talked himself into some character development just by venting at me for months. Good for you! Can I have my 40k yen back, too?

No?

All right.

He leaves us with the parting words of “Stop talking to shady men at night,” and “Goodbye forever.”

Freedom! Now I can just hang out with my teammates at night, until I find my Tower link.

Pharos is back to talk about stuff, and is being… sweet.

We will. We’re soulmates, you and I.

Okay fine I’m off to Tartarus.

It’s like some kind of opulent castle ruin. I love this.

Apparently it’s the bookstore guy, Bunkichi, who is lost in Tartarus, which on the one hand, is understandable. (Just not the part where he’s on the HUNDRED AND TWENTIETH FLOOR.) On the other hand, no consequences for me even if I left him here because that link is done. XDDD

Anyway, with him escorted out, we can keep goi--

Oh I don’t like that. Fuck.

We’ll do some more of that next time. I will leave y’all with the silly observation that Loki, Trickster God and highest-level persona of the Fool Arcana, starts at level 69.

Nice.

[cielsosinfel]

here are my thoughts on all BG3 companions up through the end of Act 1 and very beginning of Act 2:

Astarion: light of my life, I am actually spoiled for probably 95% of his story, he is such a disgusting and rancid poor little meow meow and I want to see him grievously mutilated and tortured and then gently put back together again (repeat). As a faggy bi man he is the best #representation I have seen yet from mainstream media lmao. If i speak too much about him this whole post will be about him, sorry. Guro noncon yandere kink fanfic material out the wazoo, tho (Also of course I have many many thoughts on his character's narrative around trauma and healing or the lack thereof, but, too many words)

Shadowheart: I LOOOOVE HER I love her. I kind of wish they'd kept her as initially hostile and cruel as in EA after viewing video of it, but I also enjoy how she seems low-key and almost normal, though an asshole, and then BAM suddenly she's waxing poetic about committing terrifying emotional and physical torture in the name of her beloved mommy goddess. She is such an asshole and I feel like she gets soft on the PC weirdly fast, but I also do enjoy how playing Dark Urge informs the relationship dynamic as her backstory and personality unfolds, how the fact she becomes Best Friends with them despite the whole blackout-frenzied-murder and urges to eat corpses plays into her own issues and desire for understanding and connection (the memory loss and disconnect from her previous life and sense of self, the god devotion, wanting to make herself an even worse person in the name of her god, how completely committed she is in the art of torture and causing suffering, how she's simultaneously disgusted by and intrigued by Dark Urge's whole murder cannibalism urges.) Anyway yes she's great, I love her turmoil about not living up to her potential as a Shar-loving religious zealot and expert torturer.

Wyll: Wylllllllllll I feel like he was done so dirty by the writers between Early Release and Release. They should have continued to let him be an asshole warring with living up to heroic ideals, who just made a deal with a demon out of desperation for respect and appreciation. But he's fun in release too, just too low-key for me? With Dark Urge it's interesting because he is truly the most morally Good-Aligned party-member, probably, and I think about how he must grapple his morals with aiding and growing close to a murderous gore-loving freak. He's constantly having to compromise his own deeply-held ideals in the name of getting the tadpole out of his head, and I wonder about that constantly. At the same time, he's so focused on doing good and the cause of justice but is REALLY REALLY DOWN FOR GOBLIN MASS-MURDER... Like OK Wyll!! They kept that from Early Access at least lmao. His relationship with Mizora and the angst and regret he feels at signing a contract with her, for making this one major ill-thought decision while in a high-stress "do or die" situation, gets me, the way he's like, so resigned to it... How he's so resigned to being transformed into the very thing he'd dedicated his life to culling existence of (demons.) (The constant metaphors to being a pampered pet on a leash get to me.) Though you know, it still gets me he's lamenting how ugly he looks with horns, claws and fangs, in the middle of a party full of Tiefling who just faced a lot of life-threatening discrimination for looking like demons... lmao... especially when he's venting these things to a Tiefling Durge lmao... oh wyll...... Anyway I think he's sweet, and I have even more thoughts on him and Astarion being foils who need to fuck. I want to learn more about his daddy issues so I can give him a proper daddy kink. Wow, how is this the longest part of this post.

OK THIS GOT TOO LONG AND ITS ONLY THREE CHARACTERS!!!! I am going to an indie comics and arts festival today, I will come back to do the rest of the characters later.

[obsidian-chika]

Kakashi Hatake x Male Reader

Oneshot

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

It was like any other normal day for (M/n). Waking up to and empty bed and finding a note in the kitchen. He never wanted to hold Kakashi back from his job, but his insecurities were spiraling out of control again. With the lack to time they spent together, he was scared Kakashi didn’t love him anymore. They’ve been together for about two to three years now. He was told many time by Kakashi that he is loved, but insecurities never go away, do they.?

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

(M/n) decided to go out around the village today. Visiting shops and simply just walking around, sightseeing. It was quite a surprise when he ran into team seven during his outing. Weren’t they out on a mission with Kakashi?

“Naruto? Aren’t you Sasuke and Sakura supposed to be on a mission with Kakashi right now?”

“We’re spying on Kakashi-Sensei, believe it!”

Staring at him dumbfounded, “he’s not on duty?”

“He was spotted with a lady. Not sure who he is, but they were together,” answered Sasuke.

“It could be his girlfriend for all we know,” Sakura added.

Going silent with the new found information, (M/n) wanted to go home now. He couldn’t blame Sakura with what she said since their relationship was never brought to the public eye, only a selective few knew about it. Now he wanted to be in bed, curled up in a ball, and cry. Turning around to leave, something gripped him arm, preventing him from leaving.

Turning around to see Naruto holding his arm, “I was planning to leave, what else did you need from me, Naruto?”

“Why don’t you join us, maybe we’ll learn more about him together!”

Wanting to object Naruto’s reasoning for you to stay, but he didn’t seem to give (M/n) any other choice, and ended up dragging him to tag along with the other two.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Dying sounded so much better than hearing what was being said by the two below, or to two next to him. (M/n) wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on either way, only wanting to go home and sleep his feelings away. He told the three that he would be there, but not be there at the same time. A loud noise startled him. Only to regret looking down.

Kakashi and the lady kissed. Even if was an accident all his insecurity feelings said other wise. He was starting to slightly panic. He was still in the tree while the other three fell down. The scene in front of him wasn’t a very pleasant one to the eyes.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were either nervously saying something or staring. To make things worse, Naruto took the flowers from Sakura pointing it in the couple’s direction.

“Congratulations!” Shouted Naruto.

Kakashi didn’t say anything but nervously smiled, while the Lady thanked them.

Watching this made (M/n) want to crawl in a hole and die. He decided to just leave before he started breaking down.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Tears ran down his face as he left. Not wanting to return to their shared apartment, the training grounds was his next best place to go. He wanted to train his body to the max. Not caring if he was injured after, he went and vented everything out. Turning his compressed emotions all into anger wanting release.

Scratches and bruises decorated his body. Tired and worn out, he sat down next to one of the many trees, gazing at the sky. He felt really dizzy. Black and white spots started to fill his vision and his body gave out. Falling to the ground, he closed his eyes.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

It’s been almost three days now and no one has heard from you. The hokage found it odd that you didn’t visit him like you usually do, while Kakashi was panicking on where you could possibly be. There were chances you possibly died, until Kakashi remembered that you were an a hiatus from missions. That still didn’t ease his mind about your safety.

It didn’t help him when it was reported you were severally injured and hospitalized too. He took time off from missions with team seven just to constantly be by your side and take care of you. He’s very scared to lose you like he did with everyone else. You meant a lot to him, even though he had some trouble showing it.

It’s been around a week and Kakashi wasn’t feeling so great. One week without hearing anything from you. No words. No physical contact. Not even your awesome cooking. He missed it all so much. Time seemed to be passing slower for him than those around him.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura would sometimes drop by to visit you, along with bringing over flowers. The hokage dropped by once or twice as well. A few others also came by to visit, but Kakashi wanted you to wake up so bad. Constantly sitting by you and holding your hand.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Another four days passed. It was late and Kakashi was sitting by the unconscious, bedridden male. Half way through the night, there was a slight twitch in Kakashi’s hand. He brushed it off thinking but was only his imagination playing with him. That was until there was a shift in the bed and a low sound that clearly didn’t come from him.

He stared at the male who has just awoken from being out for almost two weeks. He tackled that now awake male onto the hospital bed. He was shedding tears of relief and joy, but he was also upset with the male. What on earth did he do to get like this? We’re there people Kakashi needed to hurt in order to protect him?

“What the hell happened to you, dear? You looked really bad when they fond you, and they also said you over used your chakra,” Kakashi’s face was full of worry for (M/n).

“I don’t know . . . ” was the answer given. Kakashi didn’t like that. So, he kept pushing and pestering about it knowing the male would crack, giving in, then telling the truth.

“I- It- Well-” (M/n) stammered, “my insecurities were there. I was hoping to spend note time with you soon since we haven’t really been spending too much time together. I was planning to ask you if you wanted to go out together, but you were busy and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

There was a small silence between the two males. Taking Kakashi’s silence as a sign to continue, the male did just that.

“I know I shouldn’t be doubting out relationship, but I really can’t stop myself from thinking about the worst. I got dragged by Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura because they said they saw you with some lady and it could be good for me to learn more about you’re life. See the kiss and congratulations from your team didn’t help me any better. I didn’t want to dwell more on the thoughts and decided to train. It’s probably from my old training habits I was hurt this bad. I’m really sorry.”

(M/n) couldn’t bring himself to look at Kakashi’s eyes. He felt so vulnerable and small in front of his partner. Eyes starting to tear up as well. He was looking at anything but Kakashi, while Kakashi felt really guilty. It was hard to control what people feel and events that take place, but now that he was thinking back to the past few weeks, (M/n) and him rarely had time together.

“Dear, I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you,” Kakashi said, wiping (M/n)’s tears, “how about be spend some time together. I’ll request a small break to stay with you. Plus, those wounds won’t heal themselves, will they?”

(M/n) smiled at Kakashi’s words. Wrapping his arm tighter around the silver haired male’s waist. Kakashi leaned in, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck, bringing each other closer until their foreheads were touching. They started into each other’s eyes, slowly leaning in for a kiss.

“You’re my only one (M/n). I won’t love someone the way I love you.”

The moonlight showered both of them in its rays as they cherished the time they were spending together in each other’s arms.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

[silkling]

Of Mistakes Past and Missing Home

Of Moments of Life AU

———————————————————————————————————

“You enjoy painting.”

The voice came from behind Boulder, and the unexpectedness of it made him startle. Which, in turn, made him jerk and drag his paintbrush across his canvas. The result of which was him turning a small cloud above a red and orange flower field into a streak that cut through the whole picture. Oops. That wasn’t what he’d been intending.

He turned to see who had spoken, his optics shuttering with surprise when he realized it was Dreadwing. He was quick to realize that the Seeker’s expression had quickly shifted to one of regret.

“I apologize, youngling. It seems I caused you to ruin your art.”

Boulder only smiled, shaking his helm. “It’s no big deal.” he assured. “Part is the artistic process is making mistakes and having to start over. I did it a lot, in the beginning.” He glanced at the canvas, tilting his helm. “But that doesn’t mean every mistake requires you to start over from scratch. That’s the great thing about painting.” he remarked distractedly, tilting his helm in the other direction. “Sometimes, a mistake can be turned into something new, maybe even something better.” he narrowed his optics, then they lit up with a realization. “Sometimes,” he repeated. “All you need,” he reached out, then turned the canvas around so what had once been the flower field was now at the top of the painting. “Is a new perspective.”

When he glanced back, Dreadwing didn’t seem to understand. Boulder smiled. “Let me show you.”

He picked up his paintbrush again, then lifted it and in a few short strokes he added to the stripe that sliced through the picture he’d been painting. He changed colors, adding some more careful strokes around that, and stepped back. It would need refining, but the shape and idea of what he was going for were there.

“See? It’s a feather in the sunset, now.”

Dreadwing only blinked. “I suppose, though I’m afraid I do not much understand art. I always preferred to read data pads and learn about various fields of study.” There was a pause. “Skyquake enjoyed art.” It was a quiet addition.

Boulder found his smile softening. “Yeah? You’ll have to tell me about it sometime.” he encouraged. He glanced at his canvas. “I like art. There’s no set way to do it and there’s not much penalty for making mistakes. It’s nice.”

The Seeker hummed. “Do you believe most mistakes can be fixed with a new perspective?”

Boulder blinked, frowning. There was something off in Dreadwing’s tone. The others might not pick up on it, but he was good with other bots. He always had been. “…this isn’t just about painting anymore, is it?”

Dreadwing startled, surprise making his field flare. “You are far more perceptive than your teammates.” he said after a moment.

Blades smiled, turning to fully face the flyer. “Blades gets too anxious and wrapped up in his own helm to really pick up on more subtle emotions, Chase can barley understand the complexities of his own feelings, let those of alone others, and Heatwave is too proud and headstrong to really know what to look for. They’re all good bots, and I care about them a lot, but they aren’t the most..”. he searched for the right word. “Emotionally intelligent. Blades can read others really well when he isn’t swept up in his worries, but the other two are a bit hopeless.” He wasn’t saying it to be mean or to criticize. It was just the way his friends were wired, he knew. They were naturally better than him at a lot of other things. It was just how things were.

Dreadwing nodded, acknowledging his words. “You are correct. It is not just about painting. But it is my burden to bare, and I will not trouble you with my struggles.”

Boulder chuckled. “Well that’s a bad idea.” he said lightly. “You’ve already helped us a lot. Chase told the team what you did for him. We’ve all seen what you’ve done for Blades. Why don’t you let us help too? You’re one of us now, it’s gotta be about give and take.”

Dreadwing stared. “Wise words for one so young.” he sighed. “Very well, I will share my thoughts.” he vented harshly, then stared intently at the painting Boulder had been working on. “My mistakes are many, and brutal, and not nearly as neat or benign as a misplaced streak of paint. I suppose I merely cannot see how a new perspective would fix them.” he said after a moment.

Boulder was quiet, before he lifted his gaze. “Can I offer my thoughts?” At Dreadwing’s nod, he continued. “You’ve made a lot of mistakes. You’ve done a lot of terrible things. I don’t doubt that. And I know there are a lot of Autobots who would want to see you pay for those mistakes.” he tilted his helm. “I don’t know the full scope of the War. I don’t know everything you’ve done. But I do know how bad off Cybertron was before we left it.” The Seeker shot him a startled look, and he smiled a little sadly,

“I didn’t join the Rescue Force just because I wanted to help others, Dreadwing. In fact, in the beginning, my motives were entirely selfish.” he explained. “When I got to the age where I’d be expected to work, I was told that my first shift would be at a construction site in Kaon. It scared me. I knew how dangerous construction work was and I knew that even if it didn’t kill me it would kill my spark to be forced into something I hated so much. The only escape, the only chance I had at something different, was the Rescue Force. So I signed up to the Academy, and the day I got in was the day I escaped what I would have suffered through otherwise. The others may not have been as aware of just how bad things were, but…I was from the lower castes, Dreadwing. I knew.” he said quietly.

The Seeker was surprised, his optics wide. He saw how Boulder gradually shrunk in on himself as he spoke, and it made something unpleasant twist in him. The bulldozer was usually more at ease and bright, it didn’t suit him to look so…defeated. After a moment of thought, he put a hand on Boulder’s back and stepped closer. He knew Chase would not want more than this, but Blades preferred hugs as his method of comfort. Dreadwing didn’t know what the little green bot preferred so he wanted to play it safe. His bid seemed to pay off, because Boulder shot him a faint smile.

“What I’m getting at is, I know how bad off Cybertron really was. So even if I don’t know your exact circumstance, I do have an idea of what might have pushed you over the edge. I did originally come from Nyon, after all. Granted, I came from one of its nicer quadrants, but…it was still Nyon.” Boulder sighed. Nyon, at one time, had been the cultural and religious center of Cybertron, rivaling Praxus in beauty and grandeur. But under Zeta Prime, Sentinel’s predecessor, it had fallen into near-total ruin. “You made mistakes, and some bad choices, but you only did it in the end when you were backed into a corner and had nowhere else to go. Your choice was the only one you had that would let you remain alive, and that was wrong. No one should have to choose between death and living life serving a tyrant.”

Dreadwing hadn’t explicitly said any of this, of course. But Boulder was perceptive, like the Seeker himself had said. He’d read between the lines. He had understood what Dreadwing hadn’t been saying. It was one of the reasons he’d so quickly accepted the large bot as a new fixture in their lives. In his optics, this was Dreadwing’s chance at a life he should have had to begin with.

“That doesn’t change what you did, but it adds context. And given that the War destroyed Cybertron and decimated our people…” Which had been another thing Optimus had opted not to tell them. Dreadwing had had to share that particular tidbit. “Well, the War has to end someday, and if it ends in Autobot victory then we can’t afford to lock up every ‘Con. I don’t think there’s enough Cybertronians left for that.”

He realized he hadn’t yet gotten around to answering Dreadwing’s statement, and embarrassment flushed through him. “You made mistakes. That’s true. But context adds perspective. And you have a chance here to prove to anyone in the future who would want to hold your past against you that you can do better. Griffin Rock is your trial run. Heal, relearn how to live without War, and make amends while you’re here. Then, when everything comes to an end and the dust settles, it’ll be a lot harder for people to say that you never tried to make things right or that you’re unwilling to change.” he looked up to meet Dreadwing’s gaze. “Prove to yourself that you can be better than who you used to be, and when the time comes for you to face your mistakes, everyone will see that you have what it takes to make it right.”

Dreadwing was frozen, and Boulder found himself smiling at the hints of shock in his field and gaze. “I…had not considered those points.” the Seeker admitted after a long minute.

Boulder chuckled. “New perspective, remember? I just so happened to be able to provide it. That’s part of the benefit of letting yourself trust and rely on others.”

The flyer shot him an indecipherable look, and nodded. “Thank you for reminding me of that, young one. I have not been able to put such faith in another since I last saw my brother. It is good to be reminded that I do not have to handle my burdens alone.”

Boulder beamed, nodding. His somber mood was seemingly forgotten and he gestured to his painting. “Glad I could help! Now, if you don’t mind, I have sudden inspiration for this and I’d like to finish it.” he said, stepping towards the canvas.

Dreadwing let his hand drop, head tilting. “May I watch?” At Boulder’s nod, he settled on a nearby crate and watched the bulldozer work. It was oddly soothing, seeing the colors go down on the canvas, watching the patterns and shapes form into a familiar image. Into…a very familiar image.

After Boulder finished the sunset and feather, he had begun painting…the Rescue Force Headquarters. And Dreadwing picked up the longing and melancholy in the youngling’s EM field. The Seeker’s spark ached at the bulldozer’s visible grief, and he frowned. So Boulder hadn’t so easily shrugged off his earlier memories of home and his life on Cybertron. Dreadwing was not surprised to see him painting the Rescue Force HQ. From what the youngling had said, it would have been the first place he was truly free of the shackles that had threatened to bind him.

Dreadwing said nothing until Boulder finished and stepped back, and it seemed he hadn’t realized what he’d been painting until then, because when he took in the whole painting his only reaction was to let out a quiet, surprised “Oh.”

Dreadwing stepped closer, letting his own field nudge at Boulder’s, and upon finding no protest he let it curl around the youngling. Boulder’s vocalizer clicked and reset itself before he was able to speak. “I hadn’t realized…”

Dreadwing hummed softly. “You miss it.” he could tell in the aching and longing that all but swamped the bulldozer.

“I don’t know why. Like I told you, I didn’t have the happiest beginnings back on Cybertron. But I still miss it. All of it, not just the Rescue Force. Nyon, too.” he said in a whisper.

Dreadwing put a hand on his back, keeping his field soft and soothing. “It is only logical. It was your home. It shaped you and created the foundation for who you are. And I doubt all of your young life was horrible. You said you came from the better areas of Nyon.”

Boulder nodded. “Yeah.” he admitted. “The All Spark Day celebrations were always amazing. And the bots were great. We all had the same origins and the same troubles so we all just…came together. We were…like a community.” he said softly. “We all took care of each other and helped each other and even if the city wasn’t always the best, the neighborhood we lived in was actually alright, for Nyon anyway. I never starved, even if I didn’t always have the best fuel. My life wasn’t great, but…it wasn’t horrible either. I miss all the good things.”

Dreadwing bowed his head. He couldn’t fully relate. He had had no such struggles in Vos, at least not until the Senate had banned any from leaving the city, but he could understand the longing. “Cybertron is dead, but it’s children are not. And hope for our home is not gone either. Perhaps one day there will be a way to return, and even if not, we still live. Once this War ends, it will be possible to keep the life of Cybertron’s heart and culture alive, even if the planet itself cannot be repaired.” he said softly. “You did not get to know Cybertron’s death as the rest of us did, for we knew our home was dying with each day the War dragged on. We had time to come to terms with the loss. You were forced to be confronted with it in a single, harsh day. The rest of us lost Cybertron in pieces, and you lost it all at once. The loss is harder on you than it ever was on me, or any other Cybertronian involved in the War.”

He paused to let the youngling take in all he was saying, the hand on his back smoothing up and down his tightly clamped armor plating. His tone gentled. “I cannot give you back your home, and I know that reminding you of your new home here on Earth will not make the ache go away. So I will only say this: grieve as much as you want for what you lost. Mourn what you were not able to have and the things you will never get back. If you deny yourself that much, you hurt only yourself.”

Boulder was shaking faintly, his frame just a few degrees too warm from the overwhelming force of the grief was processor was buckling under, and his optics threatening to leak cooling fluid in response. He turned a wide, shining look on to the Seeker. His field probed at Dreadwing’s as if asking for comfort, and his vocalizer clicked and reset itself before he actually was able to speak. “…Blades said you give good hugs.” he said quietly, his field holding the softest undercurrent of hope.

Dreadwing only hummed, gaze softening. So that was Boulder’s preferred form of comfort. He nodded, then wrapped his arms around the shaking youngling and pulled him close to his chest.

As Boulder trembled and let himself finally mourn the loss of his home, he found only one thought on his mind.

‘He really does give good hugs.’

———————————————————————————————————

And here’s the next installment in the “of moments in life” AU! I hope everyone liked it! This was fun! I have so much inspiration for this AU you have no idea.

Boulder is the most well adjusted of all the Rescue Bots. That’s why I figured he’d be the best one to help Dreadwing with his own issues. But, even then, he’s still just a kid! A kid who woke up out of a very long nap to learn that his planet is dead and everything he’s ever known has been destroyed. He hid it well, but that shook him hard.

Dreadwing now has THREE children! All he needs now to complete the set is the fire truck! He also needs proper one-on-one bonding time with his helicopter child because their first real binding experience was with everyone watching. So there is that!

Until next time, friends!

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Scars (Smut)

Scars

Summary: You hadn't seen Will ever since the day he left you to chase Hannibal in Florence, finding out after a while that he got married to someone else. But with the murders of the tooth fairy, Jack asked him to come back to help, and he couldn't stay away anymore, showing up for a visit. Will the old scars of your heart burst open in new wounds or heal completely?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: SMUT, angst, swearing, spoilers from season 3.

Word count: 3.381

A/n: this is the first smut I write in English, it's not my first language, so I hope it's alright. Any mistakes or anything, just let me know. This is another one with my boi Will, I just love him so much AAAAAA

As I read The Wuthering Heights for the hundredth time sitting in the living room, I heard someone ring the doorbell. I sighed, staring at the clock. It was still early. The person I was expecting would just come in, after all, Alana was a close friend and she knew she was allowed to do so. I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't expecting anybody else.

My dog, Sally, started to bark thunderously, sniffing under the door. I closed the book lethargicly, rolling my eyes as I got up the couch in a lazy mood, walking to the door and opening without asking who was outside, realizing perhaps too soon it was a mistake.

Will Graham stared at me, a light smile in his handsome face that didn't reach his eyes. I felt like something was twitching my stomach, and probably turned albescent. I hadn't seen him in over three years. Alana warned me he was back in town to work on the tooth fairy's case, but I didn't think he would stop by for a visit. Not after so long. 

"Good to see you, Y/n." He tried, obtaining no response of mine. "I… I was just around the neighborhood and I wanted to see you. It's been a while."

"Who gave you my address?" I retorted, probably sounding more hostile than I intended.  He stepped back, scratching the back of his neck, probably already regretting the impulsive idea. 

"Jack."

"Of course he did. What else did he tell you?"

"Was there anything else he should've told me?" I searched his face for any sign of emotions, but didn't get anything that could tell me what he was feeling. The old Will was someone I could always read, no matter what. After Hannibal came along, he just started to show less and less emotions, till his face became a cold mask, his deep eyes empty, opaque. I missed the sweet, caring Will. 

I was just standing there, silent. Sally found some space between my legs and managed to get out the house, launching at Will, wagging her tail and trying to get close enough of his ears so she could lick them. Will laughed lightly, crouching down to pet her. 

"Who's this?" He asked, scratching behind her ears. I crossed my arms, I gave everything to that dog, undying love, a bed, high quality food, and now she backstabs me. 

"That's Sally. She's a stray I took in one year and a half ago. Sally, sweetheart, come inside." I whistled once and she obeyed, running through my legs again. I sighed, stepping away from the door so he could come in. Maybe he wouldn't stay for long if I just let him in. He hesitated, but entered, passing through me. I could smell the air as he passed, he still used the same aftershave. That hurt even more, and I could feel my eyes watering a little. Why did he have to come? Why was he here? What does he want? 

I tried to hide it, opening the kitchen door so Sally could play in the backyard, then walking to the sideboard where I kept whisky.

"Would you like some?" I inquired, still not feeling safe enough to face him. "I'm pouring myself one."

"Sure. Please. Neat." He replied, and I could feel his eyes on me, watching every single movement I made. That made my hands tremble a bit, and I cursed in a whisper when I spilled a little bit of the drink. So fucking clumsy. 

I finally faced him when I felt my eyes get dryer, smiling lightly as I gave him the glass of whisky, neat. Our fingers touched a bit and I sat beside him, albeit a little far, taking a long sip of my glass. We stayed like that for a few minutes, two strangers that used to know each other, love each other. My eyes traveled through his face and I distinguished some new scars, probably from the great encounter with Hannibal Lecter and Mason Verger​ a few years ago. I remembered the way I used to kiss every single scar he had, I loved every part of Will, his scars were part of his story, part of who he was. 

He lowered his eyes for a moment, smiling as he saw the book standing on the coffee table.

"Is it still your favorite? Wuthering Heights." He grabbed the book, opening the first page. There was the name I didn't use anymore. Y/n Graham. He gave me that edition as a Christmas gift a long time ago, and I couldn't get rid of it, fantasizing that after such a long time, I could still feel Will's scent in it. 

"Undoubtedly. Every time I read it it's like the first. Except maybe now it's even more bitter." I avoided facing him, staring at the book, suddenly feeling pretty silly. He didn't ask. He knew why. 

"I suppose Heathcliff's still your favorite character."

"Now more than even, guess I finally understand his suffering." I regretted sounding so harsh, but it was said now. Will clenched his jaw.

"So you're saying I'm your Catherine?"

"I don't know. Am I?" I teased, hugging my body protectively. "Why are you here, Will? Why did you have to come? To torment me? You left three years ago after I begged you to stay, you just had to go after Hannibal, pursue your hunt. I allowed you to go, but I couldn't be there when you returned. I didn't even know you would return alive or if I would see a miserable Jack Crawford knocking on my door with grief in his face. I wouldn't bear it. So I left, but I kept expecting you to come find me if you ever got back. Then, Hannibal was finally arrested. I thought it was finally over, but you never came. You left again, and a while later I heard…"

My eyes traveled through his hands and I saw it. The wedding ring. That hurt so much I finally felt tears wetting my face, and dismissed them quickly with one hand.

"So it is true. You did get married." My voice sounded venomous, sharp as a knife. "Lucky girl. We didn't even get to that stage. Engagement was the maximum."

He was silent, allowing me to vent. As I haven't done that a lot with Alana already. His eyes were finally wet, finally some emotion on his face. That handsome face. That face I would never get tired of. I wanted to kiss them away, hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. That teacup would never gather itself up again. We were two broken souls. 

"I thought you wouldn't want me anymore. I wasn't the man you once met, the man you fell for, I was no longer good for you, if I ever have been. Hannibal changed me in ways you could never understand, ways even I don't understand."

"Hannibal changed all of us. Like a poison ivy that found its way into our cores and grew roots there. I can still feel his damage inside me, like… A cancer. It spreads. It tastes like metal at the tip of my tongue. I saw his face in my dreams for a very long time after you left. I still see him sometimes, not necessarily in my dreams…" I stopped talking as he grabbed my hand, caressing the palm with his thumb. I realized how much I missed his hands. They were a little rough due to how much he worked with them, but it never bothered me. It was ridiculous how much he could still affect me with a single touch, a look. 

"I wanted to start over. Leave everything behind. I wanted to… Flee from that darkness that nested me. But it followed me, as it does wherever I go. I wanted someone pure, so it could contain it, or even diminish it. But you, Y/n… You never left my mind. I could never suppress you." He raised his hand, touching my cheek with cold, pale fingers. That touch made me close my eyes, his voice working like a balsam inside of me. I sighed, totally giving in. 

Will got closer, his lips touching mine with such delicacy. I touched his hair, grabbing some on the back of his neck, pulling it lightly. That made him release a low groan, as the kiss started to get deeper. I moved my body, wanting to stay as close to him as the laws of physics allowed, and when I felt his tongue touch mine, fireworks eclode from my chest, my heart beating as fast as a hummingbird's. 

I still loved him, of course I did. I never stopped. All the bitterness he left with his departure started to boil on my chest, becoming something else, something I couldn't figure out yet. His lips moved from mine to my neck, and I moaned a little louder, sinking my nails on his shoulders. One of his hands moved to my thigh and I allowed myself to lie down on the couch, pulling him with me. He lifted my leg and I embraced his waist with them, feelings mixtured inside my chest. That was wrong, he was a married man now. He had a wife waiting for him back home. 

But, for a moment while he stared at me, our foreheads glued together, I saw my Will in his eyes. I saw the Will I first met, the socially awkward man Alana introduced me years ago and couldn't even stare me in the eyes, the kind, caring man I once knew. One single tear fell from his eye, and I knew he was probably conflicted as well. I kissed it away, kissing his lips again, a deep, slow kiss that made my insides chiver. I needed him so much. Even if it was just one time. Just for today. I needed that kind of closure.

I unbottoned his shirt, sinking my fingers into the skin of his biceps. He threw it on the floor, going for my clothes, and I thanked myself mentally for a moment for wearing a dress. He'd seen it before, he'd taken it off many times. He lifted the piece of clothing above my head and I threw it away gladly, kissing his neck while opening his pants. He kicked off his shoes, doing the same with the pants and underwear as I took off my bra. He took a while to stare at my body, his pupils so dilated with lust his eyes were almost completely black.

"No one looks at me the way you do." I said, noticing I haven't heard that tone in my voice for a very long time. 

He pulled my panties off and rested his hips on mine, shutting his eyes as he slipped slowly inside of me. I let out a low gasp, trying to stabilize my breathing. Will hid his face on my neck and I could feel his hot breathing and the light scratches of his beard. Still slowly, he started to move inside me, thrusting back and forth. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to suppress a groan, and one of his hands grabbed my breast, his thumb stimulating the nipple. Will knew all my "buttons". Where to push, where to hold, so I could melt in his hands. 

He started to thrust faster and faster, and I could feel the familiar feeling growing at the bottom of my stomach. A few more minutes and I lifted my head up, shutting my eyes as the pleasure started to grow.

"No." Will said almost in a whisper, pulling my chin down. "Let me see your face. I need it." 

I stared at him while we both climaxed, a loud cry leaving my lips and Will's almost louder groan echoing through my ears. He dropped his body on mine, both of us covered in sweat and bodily fluids. We stayed that way until we could breathe normally again, his head on my chest and my fingers playing with his hair.

I wanted to say so many things. How much I loved him. How much I wanted him to stay. How much I've missed him. But he knew. He always knew. After that, we showered together to get rid of the sweat, and even then we couldn't stay away from each other. He hugged me while the water washed our body, kissing sometimes my lips, sometimes my forehead, my neck, my shoulder. I kissed every single one of his scars, as I used to do. I thought I'd seen tears on his face, but it might have been the water pouring from the shower. 

After we finished the shower, he got dressed and I put on a robe, my hair wetting the silk. Will took my face in his hands, kissing my lips with tenderness. I wanted to ask him to stay. He knew that. I wanted him to leave before I made a fool of myself.

He was still holding my face when the door suddenly opened and I pushed him away quickly.

Alana entered, looking from Will to me, and I knew I would get scolded later for that. She noticed, always cunning. 

"Well, just look what the cat dragged in." She said with sarcasm, the door still open. "Hi, Will. Long time no see."

"Alana." He said, seeming surprised. She didn't have time to answer, though. Her son, Morgan, entered the house accompanied by my little world.

"Mommy!" The dark haired child ran to me, bringing a smile to my face as I crouched down to hug him.

"My beautiful boy! Did you have fun at the zoo?" I asked, forgetting about Will's presence for a while. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble, Alana. Henry, did you behave?"

"Mommy, we saw a lion! He roared, and then we saw the giraffes, and the tiger…"

"Look at you dodging my question! Very canny." I laughed, hugging him again.

"He always behaves, you know that. He's a good kid." Alana answered, but she wasn't looking at me. She was staring directly at Will.

I looked at him. His eyes were on Henry, he seemed shocked, astonished. 

"I'll be on my way, then. I'll call you later." She said almost like a threat, making me smile.

"Okay. Bye, Morgan. Send my regards to Margot, Alana, and come to dinner at the end of the week."

"Will do. See you around, Will." She closed the door behind her, leaving me with the two people I loved the most. 

"Henry, this is Will. He's an old friend of mommy's. Won't you say hello?" I brought him closer to Will, and he got down on his knees, his eyes wet. 

"Hi, Henry." He greeted, smiling with joy. Real joy. I smiled back, caressing Henry's hair. "It's nice meeting you."

"Hi." He replied with shyness, hiding behind my body. That made me laugh lightly.

"Baby, why don't you go upstairs and draw a picture of that lion you saw? How about that?" I asked him, kissing the top of his head.

"Okay, mommy." He started to climb up the stairs as Will still stared at him, seeming amazed. 

"Is he… Is he…" Will tried to formulate his words, emotion breaking his voice.

"Yes. He's yours. Not difficult to notice, right? He looks just like you." I replied, wiping the tears away. "I found out I was pregnant a few days after you left. When you came back and Hannibal was arrested, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to stick with me just because of the baby, so I just… Didn't. He was about a year old when I found out you got married. Alana is his godmother, she helped me so much. She and Margot. He's just a little younger than their son, Morgan, they're best friends. Henry's very smart. He's a joyful child. He's kind, caring to others. He reminds me of you all the time. He's my biggest accomplishment."

Will's face was blushed from crying, but he smiled through the tears, cleaning his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Mommy!" Henry called from the top of the stairs, crayons on his hands. "Can I show Hannibal the drawing?"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I grimaced, feeling Will's gaze on me. He wasn't supposed to find out that way, I didn't even have the time to tell him slowly so I could try to explain what made no sense. 

"Ahn… Sure, honey. Sure. If you want. Now go to your room for a bit, okay? Mommy will see you in a minute, and then you can show me the drawing." I waited until he entered the room, hearing the door shut. I turned myself to Will.

"Did I hear it right? Hannibal?" Will raised his voice a little and I gestured him to keep his voice down. "Hannibal has seen the kid? You're taking him to see Hannibal?" 

"I know how it sounds, just let me explain…" I asked, noticing the change in his eyes. They were once again cold, but sharp. He was angry. 

"How do you explain this? Y/n? Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes! Yes, I fucking have! I lost my mind when you left, goddamnit!" I screamed, covering my mouth, hoping Henry would not come out of his bedroom. "Hannibal was the last link I had with you. So I sought comfort with the only one who would understand what was like to lose you. Because no one fucking did. Even Alana couldn't help me. So yes, I turned to Hannibal. Because he knows what's like to love you, to ache for you. And you don't get to judge me for that."

Will's eyes were wide, like he couldn't believe what I was saying. 

"Besides…" I sniffed, rubbing my face with my hands "Hannibal cares for him. I know it. And Henry just adores him, Will, you should see…"

"My God, listen to what you're saying, Y/n! Listen to yourself!" He grabbed my face with his hands a little roughly, making me hold his wrists. "He's a killer. He's a cold killer. Can't you see how dangerous it is?"

"Well, we're all fucking killers!" I pushed him away, breathing hard. "Or have you forgotten about it? The night we killed Randall Tier? You really think that wouldn't stain me? Or maybe you do, and that's why you married another woman, with all her purity, because you couldn't bear to see how much you and Hannibal have broken me!" 

He kept staring at me with that look in his eyes, the cold, sharp look that made me shiver. For a moment, I felt the danger of him trying to take my kid away. Would he even consider that? No. No one would take my child away from me. He was mine. 

"This was a bad idea, I should've never allowed you to come inside. Please, leave." I asked, pointing to the door.

He stayed put.

"Will, you better leave. Now. I'm warning you." I stepped away from him, but he pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. I hid my face in his chest, sobbing, hitting him weakly on the shoulders with my fists. "Just go, please. Just go."

"We'll figure it out. Everything will be fine." He kissed me for the last time, letting me go. I knew he would be back. He stared at me once more, and finally left, closing the door behind me. 

"Mommy, why are you crying?" I heard Henry's voice and turned to look at him coming down the stairs, kneeling to hug him. "Please mommy, don't cry!"

"It's okay, baby. Mommy is fine. Everything will be okay. How about a nice bath before we go see Hannibal, uh? Let's go."

"With bubbles?" He asked, clapping in joy. I smiled back to him, caressing his hair.

"With bubbles. Lots of bubbles." I kissed the top of his head and rushed him to the bathroom, an uneasy feeling pumping on my chest. I knew that wouldn't be the last time I saw Will. He would be back. Yes, he would. 

[theleotorrio]

Hi, I wrote a jupeter fanfic, if anyones interested. Have fun!

Words: 2253

Also I couldn't figure out how to do a read more thing, so sorry to everyone who wants to skip this

Your better half

CW: Blood, a lot of blood, major character death, very sad

__________

He had a lot of time to think about it.

So whenever Juno imagined seeing him again, his mind came up with a lot of different scenarios.

In his worst nightmares there would be yelling and tears, the stench of betrayal thick in the air and his heart scattering into pieces. Or there wouldn’t be a reunion at all. Just an offhand comment in a bar somewhere “Oh yeah, the angel of Brahma? Dead”

In more conscious moments there were conversations to have, a little distrust but the determination to work through whatever it is that is going on.

And sometimes he allowed himself the thought of breathless relief upon finding him unharmed and the feeling of an embrace he wished could last until forever.

The thought of Peter Nureyev was the thing that kept him going, no matter which one it was. And he should be right. There would be tears and breathlessness and determination. But in the end, it wouldn’t be enough.

____________

It has been months since the wedding, since Juno had to leave the Carte blanche behind to work on saving his family. The only thing he had left was the Ruby 7 and Nureyev’s notebook. And it had been work to come up with a plan that would work and ensure that no one got hurt.

And it did.

Until it didn’t.

Juno knew he couldn’t pose as a guard, when his family got transferred to a different facility, as they were still looking for him. So he let Ruby hack into the system to get all the information needed, the plans and locations to find the perfect spot to free them.

It was easier, as the Carte blanche was moved with them, too.

So, there he was, again in the vents, following the movement beneath him, waiting for the hall to narrow.

His family knew he was there. They must have seen the sign Juno left on the cell door, invisible and irrelevant to everyone, but the Aurinkos. They all anticipated it, which made his job easier.

There were eight guards.

He could take out six with one shot, when they stopped to wait for the vehicle to arrive for them. Buddy showed him how and he didn’t doubt his abilities or her assessment for a second. Not anymore.

And even if he got less, Vespa would have no issue taking out the rest.

As he lined up his blaster and pulled the trigger, one of the guards not in his line of fire raised his and shot the guard in front of him.

Juno froze. His mind stopped yet started spinning with emotions at the same time.

It was him. It had to be. Here to the rescue.

His knight in stolen armour.

And suddenly everything was lighter. The notebook in his pocket no weight to drag him down no longer, but to ground him in the moment.

He shook himself out of his paralysis, a hope blossoming in his chest. He had his family back. All of them. And it was time to go.

So he freed himself from the vents and landed next to Rita who squealed upon seeing him.

“Mista Steel!! You found us”.

He allowed himself a quick smile for her and squeezed her shoulder, but his eyes on Buddy to make sure everything was alright.

In the corner of his eye, he saw Nureyev taking off the guards mask and his last bit of doubt dropped. Everything was alright. As much as Juno wanted, he knew now was no time to focus on Nureyev. That had to wait, until they were back in Carte blanche, in safety.

On their way to the Carte blanche the alarms started ringing, but they got themselves to the cargo bay before any guards entered the area and opened fire, but the ramp was already closing in, and quite honestly, they were pretty bad shooters.

Juno let out a breath and let his shoulders slump. He did it. He saved his family and by whatever chance got Nureyev back at the same time.

He looked around at the others. Buddy and Vespa, out of breath, checking each other over, Rita, busying herself with the ramp and the ship, just like Jet, who also kept looking at the Ruby. And then his eyes finally caught him.

Juno forgot about his surroundings for a while. It has been too long since he last saw Peter, talked to him, was near him.

Suddenly the cold and the loose ends and the empty feeling, that had stayed with Juno ever since Nureyev had left his room the morning he had given him the notebook, disappeared and a wave of warmth washed over him. Everything was in the right place again.

So now looking at the soft smile, that was directed at him, made him feel like everything would be alright.

He saw the bright orange flash and Nureyev’s smile drop at the same time, but everything happened too fast.

He heard a yell of “Juno!” and felt himself being moved, hands on each of his arms, but nothing really registered, his ears were ringing.

He nearly missed the groan of pain, but was forced back into the moment, as the hands on his arms tightened.

A shot must have gotten through the ramp, that now locked with a hiss, and ricochet from the wall and head for Juno. Good thing Nureyev got him out of the way in time. Nureyev!

A sharp intake of breath made his eye look up, into Nureyev’s pain contorted face, just to drop back to the torso of the man in front of him.

A red spot was spreading all across the light uniform.

Juno’s face fell. No. This couldn’t be happening.

“N-, Ransom? Ransom, it will be alright, it’s barely a scratch” He knew his voice was way higher than usually and sounded panicked, even to his ears.

He lifted his hands, pressing them to the fabric, trying to stop the bleeding as best as he can, while reassuring himself under his breath.

The Carte blanche started moving abruptly, which caused Nureyev to lose his footing and tumble to the ground, dragging Juno, who was desperately trying to keep him standing, with him.

Juno managed to change his grip on the tall man and caught him before he hit the floor, draping him across his lap, a hand buried in his hair, holding him close.

“You’re fine, we can fix this, just a few days and you’re as good as new” The words felt wrong even to his own ears, unbelievable and so far away from everything he was seeing.

Peter was pale now, his breaths coming short, as he was clutching at Juno like his life depended on it. It felt like his hands were burning wholes into Juno, the warmth he was feeling before turning boiling hot. It made him want to jump out of his skin.

Juno looked down at the torn shirt, the burned skin and the blood.

All the blood. He felt like he might throw up. He looked back up into Nureyev’s eyes, desperation written over all his face.

Peter’s eyes, despite being pain worbed, gazed at him calmly. Lovingly.

The acceptance written all over the man he loved broke something in Juno. He started shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears.

It will be fine, everything will be alright, they can fix it. They have to.

Junos inner monologue got quieter, more unsure of its authenticity, fizzling out slowly.

“Juno”, Nureyev’s voice was quiet, full of emotion and maybe filled with a little bit of wonder. Like he couldn’t believe he got to see him again. “I want you to know-”.

“No”, Juno’s voice was loud and panicky in the quiet space. “You are not going to do something stupid or say goodbye or… or”, his words were shaky, as he started tearing up more, a first tear escaping his eye.

“This is ok, we can fix it, we can heal you, right?” he looked up at Vespa then and even though the tears making it hard for him to see, he saw something like pity, concern and resignation.

“Right?” he tried again, breathless and numb. Vespa just shook her head helplessly.

“I’m sorry”.

Juno’s breath hitched as something cold closed around his heart. Nureyev coughed, wetly and whistling, ripping Juno from his stupor and bringing his face back to him. He cupped his face between his hands, desperate for contact as everything inside of him was screaming and tearing itself apart.

“No, no, no, no, I am not losing you, not now” a tear landed on Nureyev’s cheek, his eyes filled with tears now too. “I just got you back” Juno’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.

He was not even noticing, that he left blood on his lovers cheeks with his hands.

Peter’s hands smoothed down Juno’s sides, reassuringly, comforting. “Juno, love”, his left hand caught on something in one of the detective’s pockets and he pulled it confused out.

The notebook.

The notebook, that had been burning in Juno’s pocket every day for months on end, as he never took it out. Never parted from it.

“Please, just stay still and we’ll figure something out” Juno didn’t even know what he was saying, everything that was happening was like a fog. Everything but Nureyev.

Nureyev pulled the notebook towards himself now, slowly opening it to the last page.

“Who was my first love” he read the sentence he wrote, that was his to answer, out loud, yet quiet in the big cargo bay.

More tears ran down Juno’s face. Everything inside of him hurt so much, that he coiled into himself a bit, holding onto Nureyev a little tighter and being just a little closer to him in the process.

“This is not important, we can talk about this later, when you’re alright and everything is fi-ne” he stuttered on the last word as Peter reached a hand to his face, letting his thumb rest just under Juno’s eye and wiping another tear away that was running down his face.

A first tear trailed down his face as well now, as he smiled a sad smile, very different of all the charming and teasing and sometimes just plain happy smiles Juno was used to. This one was way heavier.

“It’s you”.

It was the way he said it, that broke Juno completely. So full of awe and wonder, like he never imagined getting to this point, having this; full of love.

Juno couldn’t process all that. Him. Even though Nureyev could do so much better, it was him. And because of himself, he was going to lose not his first love, but what he hoped could have been his last.

He was sobbing freely now, clutching at everything of Nureyev he could reach, as he heard the tell-tale noise of the book continuing to write itself.

He had no eyes for it. He only looked into the bright eyes in front of him, trying to say everything.

“Don’t leave me”.

The denial has left Juno now, leaving shards of broken hope behind, as he cradled Nureyev’s head and leaned in to touch their foreheads together. Seeking comfort for himself, but also trying to provide some for his lover in front of him.

“I love you”, it was spoken quiet between them, no more than a breath and it felt just as needed to survive, “stay with me”. Juno was pleading to everything that he didn’t believe in.

Nureyev laced their hands together and smiled that sad smile again.

“There is nothing I would love more Juno” He was savouring the name on his lips, like a benediction.

His breathing was irregular now, the whistling of each one louder than the one before, his eyes dropping from time to time.

“I promise, I will never really leave you” the sentence was pushed out between a lot of painful breaths and took hold of something in Juno’s chest.

He raised the tangled hands to his face and pressed his lips to Nureyev’s palm, as more tears fell between them.

That was when he felt the grip loosen and saw Nureyev’s eyes close.

They didn’t open again.

Juno’s chest clenched together. All the air in his lungs felt like it was punched out.

He closed his eyes, pressing Nureyev’s hand tighter to his cheek and just cried. He was cold.

The relief he felt, when he saw Nureyev between the guards, was long gone. Nothing was in the right place anymore and Juno wasn’t sure, if they would ever be again.

Because the person with the plans to how everything was supposed to look like inside of him was dead.

He could live with the mess, he told himself. It would remind him of Nureyev and the chaos that followed meeting this impossible man.

The best thing that ever happened to him.

Juno looked up.

The others were all still in the cargo bay with him. He had forgotten they were there, but they also seemed frozen in place.

Buddy and Vespa, their hands clasped together tightly, like they were afraid, they would lose each other the second they let go.

Vespa looked haunted, unsure of what to feel, of how to process it and Buddy. There was deep grief all over her face, sadness and guilt; regrets.

Juno wondered, if she ever knew just how much Nureyev had looked up to her. He had to look away.

Jet was standing stoically as Rita buried herself in his side, trying to muffle her cries. There was a single tear escaping his eyes.

Juno knew that that was his way to show his respect. He didn’t want to know how he himself looked.

Not being able to bear their looks anymore, he looked down.

Onto Nureyev’s body. He felt as still as the man looked.

The whirlwind of emotions had stopped and left behind nothing. Just an empty feeling.

As he moved his knee bumped into something.

The notebook.

The new page was still in Nureyev’s unreadable scribble, but he picked it up nonetheless.

What he saw made him tear up again. The book was dragging him down again, further than before, crushing him.

Juno broke down sobbing, clutching the notebook to himself.

He would have loved to.

Well, Detective, you’ve made it through my riddles

I was not expecting anything less, obviously

As I probably already said, I got out of my troubles- present and past- and there is nothing I want more than to spend the time and freedom I have with you

As myself

If you’ll have me

Your better half

Peter Nureyev

[anannua]

Pairing prompt!

First kiss, kakaobi

First time seeing them cry, minaobi

First time waiting at their bedside, not sure if they will awaken, shikanaru

🥰

I really liked these. It got long, so I put them below the cut. 

✂️✂️✂️

First kiss, kakaobi

It happens over the weekend. 

They’re studying at their teacher’s house, shoes in the doorway, listening to the radio while they finish worksheets. Obito keeps glancing his way when he thinks Kakashi isn’t paying attention but those unblinking black eyes are impossible to ignore. He tries to make conversation, asking questions about their assignment to fill the air. The room feels small with Obito’s gaze fixed on his face.

Eventually Kakashi finds himself asking, “What? Something on my face?”

“No.”

“Then why are you staring?”

Obito’s answer is to stare some more.

A little perturbed, Kakashi puts his pencil down. “You’ve been acting weird all afternoon.”

“No I haven’t.”

When Kakashi turns to refute this blatant lie he’s looking into Obito’s eyes, because Obito has moved closer, taking up all of the space on the couch cushion beside him. When did he move? Kakashi is a little baffled as the sofa dips under his weight because Obito is never quiet and curious like this. He’s ever straightforward, direct with his desires, so obvious. Worry hiccups in his heart, a ripple in the calm of his cool exterior.

This close, Obito might be able to hear how quick his pulse is.

“You’re still staring.”

Obito’s mouth jerks into a smirk, a flash of something familiar, before a strange determination settles into his shoulders.

“Yeah. Does it bug you?”

He’s close enough to catch the way Kakashi’s breathing quickens. Black eyes flicker down to his mouth where the sunlight warms his skin, pale cheeks coloring slowly under his unblinking gaze. Obito’s eyes track all over his face as though he hasn’t spent their childhood learning it, hasn’t cracked his knuckles against the edge of Kakashi’s cheekbones or bashed foreheads during their fights as schoolboys.  

He’s really close.

“Obito?”

Finally he blinks, glancing up through heavy lashes to find mismatched eyes watching him closely.

It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Obito can’t make himself ask, the words stuck in his throat, and he surges forward before his nerve desserts him.

Kakashi jumps as Obito’s weight crashes into him, sending them both toppling back onto the couch together. Obito doesn’t stop kissing him the whole way down and it’s all Kakashi can do to keep kissing him back, mouth finally open, lips pressed together, a single whimper escaping before Obito drinks down the rest of his sounds.

There’s no time to describe how incredible it is. It isn’t anything like electricity in his veins or an explosion. Instead there’s a steady heat that seeps into his bones, radiating from the hands on his waist, the weight of Obito’s chest crushing them into the couch, the lips murmuring his name against his mouth, hot. 

Kakashi has never felt so warm all at once. 

His eyes flutter open (when had he shut them?) to find his best friend watching with the most anxious look.

“Was that okay?”

He’s terrified. Kakashi can read him with a glance (they’ve spent their whole lives learning how to) and knows Obito is afraid he’s fucked everything up.

“No,” Kakashi says once he’s caught his breath, once he’s certain his voice won’t shake. “No, that sucked.”

Obito flinches. But Kakashi has his collar in a grip because he knew Obito would try to run, grabs him tight enough to hurt, and makes sure his best friend is watching very closely when he continues pointedly, “Obito. You’re gonna have to do better than that—try again.”

First time seeing them cry, minaobi

“Hey, I’m home!”

The call from the front of the house has Minato scrubbing his face, quickly, because he wants to give his boyfriend a smile to come home to. It’s too late because Obito sets down the groceries and materializes beside him like magic. Warm arms wrap him up and the blonde gives up a watery smile.

“Welcome home.”

“What happened?” Obito wonders, worry in his baritone as he reaches up to brush away the water hastily scrubbed from his partner’s cheeks. “Minato?”

“Nothing. Ah, the groceries! We should put up the cold things…”

His words are interrupted by a hiccup he can’t swallow. Obito’s face is set and Minato is swept off his feet. He gets tucked into strong arms as Obito moves them deeper into the house. The blonde’s quiet protests go unheard as he’s carried bridal style to the bedroom. It’s there that Obito deposits him onto the bed.

“It’s nothing,” he tries to say, for Obito’s gloved finger to press against his mouth.

Just the look in his one good eye gives Minato guilt. He should know better; Obito hates it when Minato tries to hide things from him. Instead of putting on a happy face the older man accepts his pampering, letting Obito tuck him under the plush blankets of their bed. His blue eyes are still damp and Minato stops trying to hold back his sniffles.

“It’s not nothing,” Obito’s voice guesses quietly, “but you don’t have to talk about it now. For now, just let it out. I’m here for you.”

Obito learns that he hates watching Minato cry. The helplessness that fills him up eats away at his guts, claws at his heart as he watches his most precious person sink into a mire of tears and little soft sobs. He doesn’t cry loudly, no screaming or wailing. Minato cries softly, like he has to keep it inside and bottle it.

It does give him the opportunity to cuddle the blonde close. He doesn’t care how wet his turtleneck gets. Minato tries once to not smear snot and tears against his clothes; Obito presses gently but firmly until the other man’s face goes back to the flat of his chest. Obito’s gloved hand finds Minato’s to hold while his other cards through blonde spikes, stroking soothingly.

It doesn’t matter why in this moment why Minato is sad. Obito is here for him, for the first time he’s been allowed to see Minato cry, to comfort him. He lets his lover vent quiet sobs into his chest, letting the emotion run its course.

Later, once all his tears are spent up, Minato will say thank you, with a kiss to the corner of Obito’s contented smile, and Obito will scold Minato for not relying on him sooner.

First time waiting at their bedside, not sure if they will awaken, shikanaru

“It’s going to be a while,” Sakura warned. “He breathed in so much poison…”

“I’ll wait,” Shikamaru said firmly. “I want to be here when he opens his eyes.”

Naruto on the bed breathed in slowly, ragged, through three different tubes. The sight made Shikamaru’s own breathing tight. Naruto always healed, everything, but for once it was taking…

“A long, long time,” Sakura had repeated on her way out the door, “No smoking inside. Please.”

It was the last thing he’d heard for nearly four days.

“Shikamaru? Shikamaru, earth to Shikamaru!”

“I said what,” he snapped, turning from the bed for the first time in five days. He stood up straighter at the sight of the Hokage in the doorway. “Sir.”

“At ease, soldier,” Kakashi sighed. “And drop the sir. It’s temporary. Just like this.”

His eye tracked to the figure on the bed. Shikamaru turned his gaze back as well. It wasn’t like he needed to look. By now he had the lines of Naruto’s sleeping face carved into memory. Those three scar marks on each cheek. The unnatural stretch of his mouth around breathing tubes. The slight bags under each eye.

“All his superficial wounds have healed,” the Hokage’s voice said needlessly because Sakura had said the same thing two days ago, “All that’s left is for the poison to finish circulating. Once it’s out he should be up and back to active duty.”

Shikamaru looked up sharply. Kakashi met his confrontational gaze with a cool look.

“It’s what he’d want,” Kakashi said quietly.

In Naruto’s defense. Because that’s what he would want. Shikamaru smirked.

“Of course he would. He will.”

“We need you on rotation.”

Shikamaru’s smirk fell away.

“I won’t leave his side.”

“We need you,” Kakashi repeated, his voice firm and his gaze uncompromising. “I can give you forty-eight hours but there are others who need relief.”

Shikamaru couldn’t deny the Hokage outright but it was the first time his mind was already plotting four different ways he could leave behind a clone or trade shifts to get out of duty. His shoulders squared, Shikamaru let his gaze fall to the floor, and he nodded once.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

“He’ll be here when you get back.”

It turned prophetic: Naruto was still in the hospital bed when Shikamaru returned from active duty to be at his side. He tracked down Shizune straight away, nerves driving him to put a hand in his pocket, resting against the pack of cigarettes he wasn’t allowed to smoke inside.

“How much longer until he regains consciousness?”

Shizune looked started first, then apologetic.

Shikamaru frowned.

“Oh. Haven’t they told you yet?” She said.

He made himself stay and listen (even though it couldn’t be true) and thanked her for filling him in. Stiffly, he went outside and let himself smoke for the first time in nearly two weeks. The harsh crackle of nicotine burned through him, ripped apart the walls around his heart he’d built up against the suspicion that lurked in the back of his mind.

Naruto might not wake up.

Impossible, because he’s the jinchuuriki. They wouldn’t let their not-so-secret weapon lie in a coma even if there was no other option. Konoha would find a way.

Except they couldn’t.

Even Tsunade and Orochimaru combined had been forced to admit defeat. Any further experiments were denied by the Lord Sixth Hokage due to their unethical nature and Shikamaru shook off the tremble in his hand as he lit a second cigarette.

He took the longest, deepest drag he could before crushing it on his way back inside.

Naruto would want to see him when he woke up—if he woke up—

Shikamaru shook his head. Naruto wouldn’t want him to think like that. Naruto wouldn’t want him to worry, the stubborn guy, wanting the best for everyone around him, not giving a damn about himself, reckless, a little clueless, stupid, selfish, wonderful, bright, shining and smiling and stealing Shikamaru’s senses with one look.

Despite the pounding of his heart Shikamaru managed to snort a laugh. That guy.

The nurses gave him pitying looks as he walked back into the room and took up the same seat that bore his weight for a week straight before.

It didn’t matter. He’d be there.

[diabolikotaku]

OK OK LISTEN LISTEN-

How about yui suddenly gets isekaid to a universe where everything is the same but diaboys are now diagirls and suddenly she has a new yuri harem- (pls pls i want my share of lesbian power fantasy)

Anon I can assure you that nothing about the diaboys will change now that they’re diagirls lol. But it’s a funny idea that in that universe, the idea is that Karlheinz woke up one day and thought “What if I put a girl in the middle of my neglect daughters house since all the guys just die lol.”

Even if Yui ended up one of them, Karlheinz won’t care bc “why would he care about his daughters’ sexuality when he just doesn’t care for them in general”? If she can assist in his death, all is well in his book.

To feed thy some food, some small headcanons:

Laito - Bruh, I can see it like one of those predetory lesbian porno intros like “Why are you so scared? We’re both girls, there’s nothing ashamed about being the same body”. Laiko is probably only interested in Yui because she’s never been with a girl before and the thought sounded hot to her - and then she catches feelings. (or maybe she’s a nympho for girls bc Laito’s abuse is now onto her and now it’s sad.)

Kanato - she probably turns up a nose at Yui, thinking she’s like one of those girls at school who criticize her until Yui opens that she genuinely wants to be friends or something like that. And then Kanako realizes that she can play dress up with Yui and immediately drags her into her room to put her in the frilliest dress and have tea parties (and teddy gets to wear a bow). Suddenly she wants to always play princess with yui forever and live in a castle with the two and teddy together because Yui is her princess charming on a white horse. (Kanako probably romanticizes old fairytales)

Ayato - Def one bad porno intros where its like “I never even thought about being with a girl!” only for ten seconds later to be full on making out with Yui. She’s also very adamant about not being in a relationship with Yui when she’s clearly holding onto romantically (so basically a tsundere schoolgirl). Also probably gropes Yui’s chest while insulting her like “You’ll never reach Ayako-sama’s chest size, but I heard they can grow if someone else massages them.” Also au where Ayako is a basketball player and Yui is cheerleader gf?

Shuu - Yui is probably the one who has to keep telling her to cover up because she’s pretty much exposed most of the time. It’s between Shuuko or Laiko to criticize Yui’s beliefs first (most likely Laiko but shhh) concerning feelings for one another. “What kind of church were you raised under? One from the 60′s? No one cares nowadays.” This can also be lazy delinquent gf x studious good girl gf couple.

Reiji - deadass might make Yui take etiquette lessons because she deemed her unladylike. Like making her walk with a glass of water on her head and whipping her for taking the wrong spoon at dinner. but with a relationship developing, Reika’s craving for attention she never got will come out and Yui will be the one to comfort her and tell her she’s perfect the way she is, flaws and all. Basically, Yui becomes Reika’s emotional support gf

Subaru - rough gf and precious gf. The one who would be in denial the whole time that she’s in love with Yui until she has to face it eventually. She has relationship issues (i mean look at her parents), but Suzuki eventually finds a healing relationship with Yui. I also bet that she would bring Yui roses she tends to and claims that ‘there were too many crowding the bushes’. Yui might also lowkey be her venting person so she can have some issues resolved within herself. (also I feel like they would get couple jewelry) 

[bluebellwriting]

Date Night

Saru x chubby!Reader

Summary: You are a medical officer on the USS Discovery and you haven’t had a date night with your boyfriend in over a month (takes place season 2, post-Obol for Charon)

You knew something was wrong when Tracey came over to your work station with a sympathetic smile. She was clutching a PADD to her chest and her footsteps were purposeful but lacked their normal sense of urgency. She watched quietly as you healed a cut on Linus’ hand and laughed at a few of the Saurian’s jokes, waiting for you to have a moment alone because she knew how angry you were about to get. 

Once you had sent Linus off with a wave and a warning to be more careful, Tracey wordlessly hands you the PADD and prepares herself for the aftermath.

You met Saru on your first day on the USS Discovery. He had made it a point to meet every member of the crew over which he would be second in command. It was sweet, professional, considering Captain Lorca never gave two shits about anyone who wasn’t his bridge crew. You were busy setting up your work station in the med bay when you saw him meander his way over to you. He was tall, but compared to you he was a giant, and you had to tilt your head up just to make eye contact with those stunning eyes. He gave you a slight smile, introduced himself, and asked some practiced questions about your position, your history in Starfleet, etc. After you had given your answers and were suitably smitten with his kind eyes and giant, gentle hands, he had moved on to introduce himself to Hugh before you could make that vital first personal connection. You had tried not to look too heartbroken, of course, he was just being polite and was eager to meet everyone on the ship. You never even got a chance to ask him anything about himself, you were just assuming that he would be perfect boyfriend material. How stupid of you. 

But you kept running into each other in the halls and the cafeteria. It seems you made quite an impression on the Kelpien because he always chose take his meals by your side and, on the extremely rare occasions where he took a day off, he would try to align his breaks with yours. You tried not to get too excited, really, but he ended being just as tender and darling as you had expected after that first meeting. 

And apparently he thought you were just as enthralling, because after all that business with traveling to another universe and ending a war was said and done, he had nervously approached you about joining him for some shore leave in Paris.

“I would love to, my friend,” you had said.

“Oh,” he had mumbled.

“Something wrong?”

“I was hoping we would be going as... more than friends.” It was sweet and corny and you’re pretty sure he got the line from Tilly. But you were elated that you could finally call the Kelpien yours.

But you haven’t had a date night in over a month. Your shifts haven’t been lining up lately. You always seem to have nightly rounds and he is always working during the day, taking nights off at your aggressive insistence. It’s certainly not appropriate for either of you to take some shore leave during an inter-galactic crisis. But... your days off haven’t lined up in months either, which is what you find strange. You tried to line them up with his, but at some point in the last month he just decided not to take any days off at all. It was strange. And hurtful.

At first you had been angry about it, particularly at Pike for keeping you away from each other and working your boyfriend to the bone. But in the last two weeks your self-conscious mind started to wander... Maybe he was avoiding you. He was practically a co-captain at this point so he had to have some control over the scheduling. And it’s not like you were dating him for the special. treatment but, you wanted special treatment. You just wanted to spend one night cuddled with your boyfriend, talking to him in person instead of over your PADD or communicators. But the universe didn’t seem to want that for you.

Or maybe he didn’t want that for you.

Tracey had expected you to vent angrily to her about how much you missed your boyfriend, like you had every other time. But this time you just sadly shook your head and went back to work. 

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” she says after a while, trying to coax something, anything from you.

“It’s alright.”

“I’m sure it’s just a run of bad luck, Starfleet bureaucracy and all that--”

“Tracey he is Starfleet bureaucracy.” You take a deep breath, trying to reign in your emotions. “Do you think... Do you think he’s avoiding me?”

“Oh, (Y/N), no. Why would you think that?”

“I just... I don’t know. I just feel like I’m not a priority for him anymore. I’ve tried to rearrange my shifts for him but now he’s just not taking breaks altogether. Do you think I’ve done something wrong?” Tracey gives you a sympathetic look but her eyes tell you that she’s at a loss.

“Let’s get a snack.”

“It’s not my break yet--” She grabs your hand and pulls you out of med bay. 

Tracey plops a hot fudge sundae in front of you. You quietly pick up a spoon and do your very best not to cry into your ice cream. During your walk to the cafeteria you had quietly told her more about how you were feeling. How much you missed cuddling with him, how you missed spending nights in his quarters surrounded by plants because your bed was too small for him, how you just missed him. 

“He’s a better cuddler than you’d think,” you sadly giggle. Tracey smiles hopefully, but you continue to sniffle and stir your fudge. 

“I don’t know, Trace. Maybe... Maybe he’s just bored with me and he’s too nice to tell me.”

“Oh (Y/N), I’m sure that’s not it.”

“Yeah, well, it’s something. He used to bend over backwards to spend time with me and now it’s like I have a plague.” You look down at yourself then back at the sundae then back at your thicker legs and chubby stomach.

“(Y/N) stop,” Tracey knows what you’re thinking before you can even vocalize it. “You’re beautiful. It has nothing to do with that.”

“He used to think so too,” you mumbled. “Y’know, this all started after his vahar’ai. Maybe that changed the way he thinks about me?” You look up at her with watery, helpless eyes. “I just don’t know,” you cry out right at the moment the doors slide open and in walks in the man of hour. The minute he walked in, arms swaying and uniform perfectly pressed -- God, he looked great in that uniform, no stop, you’re mad at him -- he spotted you. He beamed his “I’m happy to see you but also I’m at work” smile and strolled over, not yet noticing the red rings around your eyes.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Pollard. (Y/N),” your name is said with such tenderness that you almost forget about your earlier anger and sadness. It’s horrible. You’re in so deep you might as well have drowned in him.

“Good afternoon, commander,” Tracey says. You open your mouth to respond but the words vanish from your throat and are replaced by a thick, heavy knot. No, no, you should be angry. You should be furious. The man you love and was certain loved you back has been ignoring you and that is not going to fly.

You stand up and maneuver your way out of the cafeteria quickly, before the sobs threatening to leak past lips finally emerge. You miss the completely devastated look on Saru’s face, the way his arms fall meekly to his sides and just dangle there, the wrecked look in his eyes.

You had expected Saru to give you some time alone before coming to find you. But as soon as the doors to your quarters had closed there was a loud banging on them. Not the gentle tone of the doorbell. A banging. Followed by Saru calling out to you. You sniff but tell the computer to open the doors because you’re not quite ready to look at him yet. 

Saru has other plans.

As soon as he is inside and the doors have closed, he is crouched in front of your sniffling form sitting on the bed. Saru very rarely rests on his knees, he likes to be able rise up and run at a moment’s notice. That was the old Saru, the fear-fueled Saru, your Saru. But you are a little flattered that this is so important to him that he is willing to risk being vulnerable on his knees before you.

“My darling.” His hands reach out to touch you but you shake your head and he stills. His eyes look lost.

“(Y/N), what happened? What can I do?” You furiously wipe at your eyes but the tears keep coming. Between your sniffling you barely begin to air what has been bothering you this last month.

“I just... I just miss you. And I never get to see you, you’re always so busy and you never take any breaks or days off just for us to be together. And I just... I want to know what happened? If I did something to make you so unhappy, if you’re mad at me or disgusted by me or--” Saru is a kind man but he is not always so outwardly emotional. Emotions make you vulnerable, susceptible for predators to feed upon your every weakness. It too weeks for Saru to fully grow accustomed to the idea that you did not need him to be the big-strong-Kelpien, that you would love some affection and genuineness from him. He is still shy when it comes to initiating kisses and hugs with you, but not today. 

Before you can continue, he has is mouth over yours, trying to pore all the adoration and reverence he has for you into it. One of his hands comes up gentle hold your thigh while the other cups the back of your head just under the neck, just where your ganglia would have been had you been Kelpien. He loves having a hand there when you’re cuddling and there have even been a few instances where his hand made its way up to that spot while the ship was in danger. You have yet to verify your theory, but you assume it must be a custom from home, a way of saying, you’re safe with me. 

When you final separate you are at a loss for words, in part because you are out of breath and also because you don’t quite know what to say. Saru watches your face carefully, scanning your lost eyes for any sign of hatred or abhorrence towards him.

“How could you think that--” he starts to ask.

“How could I think that? Seriously?” You scooch away from him slightly. “You have been ignoring me, you only message me once or twice a day at this point. This is the first time I’ve actually seen you in weeks.” You cross your arms and scowl at him, effectively quelling any possibility for a kiss like that to reoccur -- even though it did knock your socks off.

“I... I...”

“So have you been ignoring me? Or am I crazy and has this all been in my mind and are you about to leave me because of my craziness?”

“I would not leave you for that.” He gives you a small, weak smile. “And... I’m ashamed to admit it but I have been avoiding you.” Your scowl falls, you can’t keep it up any more. A pathetic sob leaves you and your hand flies up to cover your mouth. 

Saru looks down in shame, unable to look at you in this state. It’s unbearable for him to see you like this, to know that he is the cause, that he had promised to protect you from pain and suffering.

“(Y/N) please, you have to know that it has nothing to do with you.” He desperately wants to hold you, rub circles into your back, sit you on his lap and curl around you.

“Then what is it?” You snap. His eyes are beginning to fill with tears as a hand goes to the back of his neck.

“I’m afraid,” he whimpers. Your eyes widen and you fight with your need to go to and comfort him.

“Of what?”

“I have been going through some changes,” he pauses to gage your reaction, “You know that. But I have been feeling things I have never felt before. I... I’m more aggressive, more argumentative. I broke a PADD a few days ago because I was annoyed, I didn’t even realize I was doing it.” He avoids your eyes, embarrassed. You hang onto every word.

“I’m becoming a new person. And I was worried that this new person,” he gestures to himself, “Is not someone you want to be with.” Oh. Oh. Oh, Saru.

“I did not mean to worry you or to make you feel as though I don’t love you because I do.” You let him grab your hands and he grips them tightly as if they are his tether to the mortal world. “I love you so, so much. I could not bear the thought of losing you or hurting you or--” It’s your turn to catch him in a kiss. He breathes a long sigh of release through his nose as your lips mold perfectly to his. Your hands wriggle their way out of his and cup his head, a privilege reserved only for you. After a few moments you pull away but your hands remain in place. He holds your right hand to him and leans in, grateful that you are still here, that you still love him.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” You give him a weak smile.

“I just needed to know what was going on,” he sighs. “I needed to know that I was safe for you to be around, that I had a handle on myself.”

“Well the next time you need to, you come to me,” you command and give his face a slight pat. “You scared me.” 

Guilt and more tears flood his eyes in an instant. He lurches forward and wraps his arms around you, something he has wanted to do the moment he entered your quarters. You lean your head against his shoulder and a hand comes up to rest behind your neck. His other arm wraps around your waist and gives it a comforting squeeze. He starts to whisper small devotions of love and promises to never keep you in the dark again. You melt against him, loving how secure his long arms make you feel. Tentatively, you move one of your own hands from between your bodies and up to the back of his head. Your fingers grace over the skin at the base of his skull where his neck meets it, gaging his reaction. When he continues to whisper and cuddle, you rest your entire palm there. He stills for a moment but it feels like forever as you wait. Will he push you away? Will he lecture you on the basics of Kelpien etiquette?

He pulls you tighter against him. Really, he’s squeezing you. And nuzzling his nose against the top of your head which is new and delightful and perfect.

“I’m going to request a day off each week,” he whispers.

“Really,” you say in mock disbelief. “A whole day?”

“For you, I would take entire years off.”

[missdawnandherdusk]

So I saw the post where you said send in requests and i havent seen anything negating that, so uh, do you think you could write something (when you have the time and motivation of course please dont feel obligated (unless you want to) ) where people start noticing the way Draco flinches whenever someone makes a sudden movement and then all of the sudden one day he comes back to the castle after holiday and its so much worse and people start kinda trying to help and make his days better?

okay, here we go. And no one can convince me that no one at Hogwarts noticed that Draco was a victim of abuse but since Harry has the attention span of a goldfish, it wasn’t added that and JKR is a terrible person.

Also warning: this does talk about physical emotional and mental abuse. I want you all to know that you NEVER deserve it and never believe that your abuse situation “isn’t that bad.” You are cherished and loved and worthy and valuable. 

okay, so the first year wasn’t too bad not that it wasn’t bad but, well Draco was innocent to any other way so he thought it was normal for his father to do what he did

Then things start to dawn on him that maybe no... this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Yet, whenever he asks a question against his father... things don’t end well for him. “But why are muggle-born so bad?” “What’s wrong with the Weasleys?” “Why are you so mean to the house-elves?”  It never ends well, so he stops asking but now boy does he have a lot of questions and internal conflict that grows.

back to the point so someone drops a book/cauldron/glass something and Draco jumps and begins to panic “is his father mad? What did he do? How can he do better?” because he’s convinced that his father is on another rampage, but Crabbe just nudges his arm and he’s brought back to the present and that he’s not in trouble or danger

Snape is the first to notice because he knows what to look for in a child that has been abused at home, from personal experience, so he scolds the student who dropped the thing harshly

Our darling Hufflepuffs take note very quickly. In fact, there’s a support group at Hogwarts for kids who come from not so safe homes. Magical abuse or not, it's a group to just come and feel safe and like you’re not alone lead by Sprout and McGonagall

In Herbology with Draco, the Hufflepuff tells Momma Sprout about what they think is going on and boy is Sprout a momma bear looking out for Draco at every turn and looking into any records she can get her hands on

These kids from the support group start to become very worried about Draco because they’ve seen it all before and they hate seeing anyone else go through what they went through

They start to send him anonymous letters so that he’ll get mail in the mornings, and sneak sweets/snacks into his bag when they notice he’s not eating, or volunteer to be his partner in class

Boy is Draco confused

Which means he snaps a lot more and is rude and scared because he doesn’t understand why they’re being so nice to him

Alone is what I have, alone is what protects me

When Buckbeak attacks him, of course, he breaks down into tears because it’s all too familiar and he’s terrified that if he blinks he might open his eyes and it’ll be his father coming at him, not Buckbeak

and maybe he keeps the bandages and brace on longer for more than he needs it because it was a reminder that someone cared for him and mended his wounds and he didn’t have to do it himself

You think he just like Potions? Oh no, he’s had to make his own healing Potions all his life for the sake of keeping up the family appearance.

Luna Lovegood, the precious child sees right through all of it. Easily. And is a lot more confrontational about it than the support group, who did things more on the down-low. She takes all of his ridicule and taunts and snaps and lets him yell at her because she knows he needs to vent to someone

When Hermione pulls her wand out to attack him, sure, he could be a drama queen with all bark and no bite but maybe again it's too familiar and whenever there’s a wand in his face like that it ends with him in pain 

That night Luna finds Draco in the Astronomy tower alone and just sits next to him. 

He scoffs but after a while asks how can she deal with living alone with her father. She tells him that her father is the kindest person she knows and it finally gets through to Draco that how he grew up was not normal.  

Luna tells him about the Support Group and he gets notes here and there as invitations, and maybe he decides to go one night

He’s surprised to see a lot of kids he knows. Luna goes and sits by some of her friends, Neville is there, and quite a few older Slytherins, and the Hufflepuff from his Herbology class who smiles and waves at him. 

He realizes that these are all the kids who have been nice to him

He doesn’t share at all during the meeting (it’s sort of like AA where kids just go through and talk about what happens to them, if they’ve grown or made progress, what scared them still. The older kids offer advice and comfort and tissues because everyone cries) 

He doesn’t share for a few weeks of meetings that he attends, but he doesn’t feel so hopeless anymore

Maybe now he doesn’t snap so much and maybe he’s not as scared anymore to let people in because he’s not alone and he realizes that everyone has their own inner demons and struggles

Fifth-year is the worst for him. With No Nose back, his father is vicious and ruthless and takes his pain and anger out on Draco. 

It’s after easter break that he finally shares. “My... my father...” 

Before he can say another word there are arms wrapped around him and hands on his shoulders and soft encouragements and consoles. 

“He... he used the cruatious curse on me... and said that if I didn’t do it on someone else that he’d...” And Draco just breaks down into tears because he feels wicked and broken and ashamed. 

He cries harder when no one judges him or yells at him or treats him differently. He’s still just Draco to them. The same thing happens when he tells them about the Dark Mark,

When he starts to slip through the cracks, the group vividly helps him like they’ve helped kids before him for generations. 

Ravenclaws helped him study and find motivation when he started to fail his classes, Hufflepuffs show him how to have fun and take breaks and self-care, Slytherins are there in the common room on sleepless nights with tea and blankets, Gryffindors are there  as a defense squad against anyone who wants to get to Draco and boy do they rip on Harry

But maybe Draco sees in Harry what the others saw in him. A kid who’s very fast with reflexes and has the same sort of anger and defense mechanisms that he did

Draco defends Harry from a Slytherin and Harry is confused and the Slytherin is confused but they back down

Harry just glares and walks away and Draco rolls his eyes and sighs

He sends Harry invitations to the Support Group but the golden boy never shows

When the Death Eaters kidnap Luna, Draco about loses it because Luna was one of the first ones who helped him grow

So he goes down to the dungeon and they still have their own little support group. Luna sees first hand what it’s like to be Draco especially when his father makes Draco use the cruatious curse on her

He cries and begs for Luna’s forgiveness and of course, he has it, she knows he never wanted to hurt anyone

At Hogwarts seventh year, he and the Slytherins who were a part of the support group are now also apart of the rebellion and Draco is livid about the punishments that Snape allows because how dare he allow physical abuse as a punishment and he gets an earful from Draco about it

Snape explains that it’s to keep him safe and Voldemort from suspecting anything and Draco just “I don’t give a damn about me or you! Stop hurting these kids! They’ve done nothing to deserve it!” And he’s in tears

Snape pulls back on his regimen a bit

Of course, Draco lies to his father about not knowing who Harry is. Why would he let his father win when Draco held the cards? 

When Draco’s father calls him back to the side of the Death Eaters, he’s about to go because he is still afraid of his father but Luna takes his hand and so does the Hufflepuff from Herbology, and soon there are hands on his shoulders and arms, reminding him that he’s not alone and that he’s not the scared little kid anymore and he stands with Hogwarts

He and Harry eventually have a talk about growing up and the abuse they both suffered and Harry and Draco both grow as people and stop being so childish and put away the grudge and hatred for another

He takes a Slytherin girl under his wing in eighth year who’s two years younger than him and jumping at her own shadow. He brings her into the Support Group and helps her find some courage and self-worth

That girl is Astoria Greengrass

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522  @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypottah @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread @atomicwonderlandmentality @okaydraco @the–queen-of-hell @langdonzvoid @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing​ @tulippings​ @thestressedprincess​ @sunflowerxsadnessw​ @caps-wilsonn​ @fattycooter​ @angelotakunerd08​ @thisisahugemistake​ @fanficsigottaread​ @gweaslvy​ @okaydraco​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @ughjjloveme​ @honeymarvel​  @gaysludge​ @cleopatera​ @ray-of-sunrise​ @artist-bby​ @shadowsingeraxolotl​ @peters-legos​ @quillsareforwriting​ @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast @monimillion @howdycharlie @gnf847

[raiseyourcups]

Cabur

Chapter Twenty-Two

Pairing: Din Djarin x OFC (Aili Verdella) Warnings: blood, injury, fire, cursing, the usual suspects being awkward and argumentative Word Count: 6k (it's a long one today) Also on AO3 

Masterlist//Main Masterlist

Summary: Mando is dying and there's only so much Aili can do without convincing him to remove his helmet. Not to mention the Storm Troopers and Moff Gideon still breathing down their necks. IG-11 just needs to hurry up and get the vent into the sewers open. 

Aili cursed quietly as she all but emptied out the entire contents of her med bag. She was not going to be able to get annoyed with Mando being out of charges now because somehow she hadn’t brought any bacta spray with her. She knew that Cara only had bacta patches and not many since she had used at least one on Karga the night before. 

“I’m not gonna make it. You need to go,” Mando said, his breathing a little labored as he tried to speak through the pain.  

“Shut up, you’re gonna be fine,” Aili replied quickly, bringing her hand back up to try to feel exactly where Mando’s wound was. She tried to hold back another curse when she realized that it had to be inside the helmet, further than she could reach without removing it. "You are not dying here."

"I am,” Mando said, wincing in pain behind his helmet. He was glad she couldn’t see his face or the blood covering it now. He knew she wouldn’t be able to heal him while he still wore the helmet and removing it wasn’t an option. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t. Not if surviving meant he would be turning his back on the only life he had known since he was a child. 

"No, you are not dying on a dirty cantina floor, just let me take off the helmet so we can fix your stupid head." Aili went to lift the helmet when Mando grabbed her by the wrists as tightly as he could while in pain. She let out an annoyed growl but let him lower her hands anyway. She wouldn’t do that without his permission but she didn’t want him to die either. 

“No, leave me. Make sure Little Green is safe.” Mando hoped that using the nickname Aili had given the kid would make her take pause. 

“He’ll be fine because we’ll both be there to protect him,” Aili reasoned with him. He was just being dramatic like when he asked for her to give cover fire rather than use her numerous skills to help take down the troopers outside. 

“No, you need to go,” Mando said, having to pause a few times despite the short sentence. He had yet to let go of Aili's wrists but he was simply holding them now. She hadn’t even tried to pull them away for once which was a surprise to him. 

“Bantha shit, I’m not leaving you here because you’re not dying.” Aili didn’t know how many more times she needed to say it for it to get through his thick head. Obviously it wasn’t clicking for him but she was going to blame the blood loss and probable concussion for now. 

Mando let go of one of her wrists to pull something from around his neck off, handing it to Aili. She was surprised to see it almost matched the medallion that the Armorer had given her all those months ago. “When you get to the Covert, you show them that...tell them it’s from Din Djarin and that the foundling was in our protection, the Armorer and o-your ade will vouch for you.”

“You tell them yourself,” Aili said stubbornly. If she had to drag him down into the Covert herself. She knew Cara would help if she asked. She missed the way he tripped over his words figuring that the blood loss was finally getting to him. If he passed out that would make it easier for them to drag him along with them once IG-11 got the vent open. 

“Aili…I--”

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a blast of fire coming from the window that the troopers had shot open. Aili threw herself over Mando to cover him from the flames. So much for her not caring. She really hated Incinerator Troopers and she wasn’t sure why she was surprised Moff Gideon had one with him. When the burst of flame went away, she pushed herself back up. Mando let out a pained groan as Aili glanced around to make sure Little Green was okay as well. 

She let out a quiet sigh of relief when she saw him standing there, near Cara and Karga, perfectly fine even as he kept looking at them with his wide brown eyes. She looked over to the IG unit who was still working on the vent. “Get that vent open! Now!” She shouted, her voice steady for the most part. If there was a slight wobble near the end, Mando wasn't about to comment on it. 

“You protect the kid, I can hold them back long enough for you to escape.”

“Now I know you’re brain damaged,” Aili shot back quickly. “I am not leaving you here.”

Mando let out a sigh that was barely audible. “Let me have a warrior’s death and take care of the kid, for the both of us.” 

“I. Am not. Leaving you here,” Aili repeated herself, glaring down at Mando now. 

“This is the Way.”

“Well it’s not my way,” Aili said shortly. She ignored the small part of herself that told her she had left behind people hurt way less in the interest of staying alive. She hadn’t cared back then, had only cared about finishing the missions she was sent on. There was another short burst of fire, Aili ducking over Mando to cover him again and when she looked up, she wished she hadn’t. 

The Incinerator Trooper walked into the cantina, quickly scanning the room for them. As soon as they were in his sight, he lifted his flamethrower up again aiming it straight at them all. From this close, nothing would stop the flames from hitting any of them. Aili looked over at Little Green in a panic when she saw him standing right in the line of fire. She tried to reach over Mando to pull Little Green towards them but she couldn’t reach him without leaving Mando’s side. 

As the flames shot forward, everyone ducked down so they wouldn’t have to see it coming. When all Aili felt was the heat but not the flames on her skin, she looked back up in confusion. Mando brought his own head up as much as he could, gritting his teeth in pain as he did. 

Little Green was using whatever powers he had to hold back the flames and they all stared as it looked like the fire hit a wall. He threw his little hand back and the fire flew back towards the trooper, throwing him out of the cantina with a surprised scream that was cut short as the flames overtook him. As Little Green fell back, cooing as his eyes closed, IG-11 finally got the vent open. Aili left Mando’s side long enough to scoop Little Green into her arms and away from the fire now spreading throughout the cantina.

“Come on, it’s open!” Karga shouted towards them. He didn’t want to spend another second in the cantina as it started to burn. He also didn’t want to wait for any more Troopers to get inside. 

“Go,” Mando said, his voice rougher than before. He took as good a look as he could from where he was laying at Aili and the kid in her arms. “You need to go.”

“I...we can’t just leave you here,” Aili still tried to argue. Mando was shocked that she was still trying to argue when they both knew he was dying. There wasn’t anything she could do for him and now that the kid was knocked out, neither could he with his strange powers. 

“Cara,” Mando called out as best as he could to the Shock Trooper. When Cara looked over at them he tilted his helmet towards Aili. “Take her.”

Despite the fact that she knew Aili would be pissed at her, Cara did as Mando asked and dragged the smaller woman up off of the floor being careful when she saw the kid in her arms. As expected, Aili fought against Cara’s hold even as she was getting all but carried over to the open vent. 

“Let me go,” Aili wrenched herself out of Cara’s grasp, giving the woman a glare before she turned it to where Mando was still laying. She couldn’t believe he would...actually yes she could believe that he would have Cara try to drag her out of there without him. She did not spend months of her life on that piece of crap ship, away from her girls, just for him to decide to die from an easy to fix wound. 

“I will stay with the Mandalorian, you protect the Child,” IG-11 said as it walked over to them. Of all the humans gathered there, the IG unit knew that the one currently holding the Child would be its best protector. Even with her emotions clouding her judgement at the moment. 

Aili paused for a long moment, looking down at Mando before she finally looked up at IG-11 with a dark look in her eyes. “You better bring him or I’ll shoot you myself and no one will be able to fix you this time.”

“Understood,” IG-11 said, holding out the bag that the Child had been in when the Scout Troopers had taken him. Aili took the bag, placing the sleeping child inside before she looked back down at Mando with an unreadable expression on her face. 

“Stay alive.”

Without waiting for Mando to reply, she turned to go down the vent, Cara following after her to make sure she didn’t try to head back when no one was looking. As soon as they were all in the sewers, Aili took the lead in front of Karga. It wouldn’t take them long to get to the Covert from the cantina if she remembered correctly. She just hoped she didn’t get turned around since she had never come in from the actual entrance aside from the very first time. 

“You know where we’re going?” Cara questioned, shock on her face. She had been sure that they were going to be stuck wandering around the sewers for at least a few minutes before getting their bearings. Unless Mando had been able to give Aili directions in between arguing with her about him staying behind. Somehow Cara doubted that was the case though. 

“Yeah, might take a while longer though, I never came in from the cantina,” Aili said flippantly. She didn’t elaborate any further than that despite the looks she was now getting from Cara and Karga. They didn’t need to know how or why she knew the way to the Covert. 

“You are still full of surprises,” Cara commented. Everytime she thought she knew even half of the things about Aili, the smaller woman went and purposely made herself more mysterious. This was actually more shocking to Cara than when she figured out that Mando and Aili had finally slept together, them not actually being together was less of a surprise. 

“You have no idea.”

They continued down the tunnels in mostly silence, Little Green had woken up at some point. He still let out tired coos which Aili couldn’t fault him for given how much energy he must have used to hold back the flames. They were getting closer to a part of the Covert that Aili recognized, close to where she usually snuck in from to be exact when there was a muffled explosion. 

Everyone turned around, ready to start shooting again if they had to. There was a bright light coming their way paired with steady footsteps. Aili tilted her head trying to figure out if she was only hearing one set or two sets of footsteps. She hoped that the droid had been smart enough to stay behind in the cantina if Mando didn’t make it. 

The relief she felt when she saw Mando and IG-11 come around the corner was short-lived as it was quickly replaced by her earlier anger with the Mandalorian. She let Cara move to help Mando stand, it wasn’t like she’d be very helpful anyway with her lack of height. Besides she was still carrying Little Green and she wasn’t nearly as upset with him as she was Mando. 

“Do you know which way to go?” Karga asked Mando when they came to what seemed like a fork in the road. 

“No, I don’t know these tunnels. I only ever entered from the bazaar,” Mando said, looking from left to right, unsure exactly where they were but he knew they couldn’t stop moving. It wouldn’t take long for Moff Gideon to realize where they had gone and send Troopers down into the tunnels after them. 

“It’s this way,” Aili said, nodding her head towards the right tunnel.

“Are you sure?” Mando asked, not because he doubted her answer but he still wasn’t even sure where they were. 

Aili looked over at Mando with a single raised eyebrow. “It’s not like I could use the front entrance any of the times I came down here.”

“Wait, what?” Cara asked, almost missing a step forward. “Exactly how many times have you been down here?”

“Every time I finished a job, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“But why come down here when you’re not--”

“Look, this isn’t the time or the place and no offense but I’m not gonna be giving answers anyway,” Aili interrupted before Cara could finish her sentence. 

Silence fell over them for a moment before Karga spoke, choosing to pick a different subject. “If we get the smell of sulfur and follow it, it’ll lead us up to the plains where the river flows.”

“And the Imps will catch us before we make it to the ship. We need the Mandalorians to escort us to safety,”

“And we need to warn them about the Imps heading their way,” Aili added without mentioning why warning them was needed. The existence of all of the other foundlings was something that could and would stay between her and Mando unless Cara and Karga saw them with their own eyes. She knew that if they did, they’d agree with keeping children out of the line of fire. 

They turned down another tunnel that Aili pointed out and she could tell that at least two of them were doubting her directions. She couldn’t blame them, it wasn’t exactly easy trying to keep all the tunnels straight. 

“This place is a maze!” Cara exclaimed. 

“We’re going the right way,” Aili said although now she was beginning to doubt herself a little. She had come through from so many different ways to avoid any Mandalorians on guard that they were all blending together in her head. 

“Stop,” Mando suddenly said, pulling away from Cara and Karga. “I can stand.”

“The bacta infusion is working,” IG-11 said and Aili slowly turned around to stare straight into Mando’s t-visor. So he let the droid remove his helmet after all? Even as she narrowed her eyes at him she had to admit that it made sense, no living thing could see his face and droids were technically not alive. Loopholes. Something they had clearly utilized after the disaster of a prison break. She shook the thought away, it was not the time or place to think about that. 

“I’ll try to find tracks,” Mando said, looking at the ground for a moment before pointing down the tunnel. “We’re close.”

“Yeah, I could have told you that,” Aili said, pursing her lips in annoyance. But she kept her mouth shut and let Mando take the lead now since it would be faster for him to follow the tracks with his helmet. She followed right behind him, Cara and Karga behind her, and IG-11 in the rear. 

“Turn here.” 

He led them into what Aili would assume was the main hallway which she had never actually seen before. She had always taken a different way, one that came out closer to the Armorer in order to not be seen by anyone else. Mando suddenly stopped in his tracks, shutting off his flashlight, and spun around to face them, specifically looking down at Aili. The way he was standing blocked her view of whatever was behind him. 

“What?” She raised an eyebrow wondering what he had seen. It couldn’t have been a dead end or anything like that. And it was quiet behind him so it wasn’t another Mandalorian.

“Wrong way,” Mando said shortly. 

“No, it’s not,” Aili stated, narrowing her eyes up at Mando. She may have never been this way but it was obviously the right way for someone who unlike her was a Mandalorian. She tilted her head and quicker than he could attempt to stop her, she ducked under his arms and stopped in her tracks when she saw what he was trying to hide from her. 

“Aili, no--”

“Oh.”

Aili slapped a hand over her mouth before she could say anything else, her eyes wide at the pile of armor before her. She knew she had missed Madsin’s birthday, had missed her swearing the Creed, which meant her armor could be in that pile and she would have no way of knowing. Meaning that would have left the other three without Aili and their big sister. Shaeli and Jaesa were still so young and Sula...she still looked to Aili and Madsin for answers sometimes.

She couldn’t do anything other than watch as Mando slowly moved forward to kneel down in front of the pile. He picked up one of the helmets and she wondered if he remembered who it had belonged to. A stupid thought considering how close knit the Covert was, Aili recalled learning several names that she would never be able to put a face or helmet to but Shaeli and Jaesa were hard to settle down when they shared stories of the Covert. Little Green let out a sad coo when Aili unconsciously tightened her grip on the bag he was in, holding him closer against herself. 

“We should keep moving,” Cara said quietly. She could understand why Mando was upset but Aili’s reaction was once again a surprise. It wasn't like she had ever mentioned knowing any other Mandalorians. But the smaller woman still had secrets that Cara didn’t know about since she hadn’t spent months on a ship with her. Mando had obviously been trying to keep Aili from seeing the armor for a reason though. 

“You go. Take the ship. I can’t leave it this way,” Mando said in a clipped tone. 

“Did you know about this?” Aili suddenly spun around to stare at Karga. He was the only one who could have called for an attack like this. Could have done it as soon as the Razor Crest took off all those months ago. She was so stupid, she should have fought harder to have the Armorer give her permission to help evacuate the foundlings immediately. She should have been there for...she should have known...

“No! When you two left the system and took the prize, the fighting ended and the hunters just melted away. You both know how it is. They’re mercenaries, they’re not zealots!” Karga exclaimed and Aili was ready to argue with him when Mando beat her to it. 

“Did you do this? Did you?” Mando got up quickly, getting into Karga’s face and shouting despite his voice still being rough and shaky from the still ebbing pain in both his head and body. It was taking most of his willpower to stay standing upright but now his grief and anger was fueling him on. He hadn’t seen any foundling sized armor in the pile yet but from what he knew, the oldest of Aili’s ade wouldn’t have child-sized armor anymore. 

“No!” 

“It was not his fault,” a voice familiar to both Aili and Mando said from another tunnel. The Armorer walked out, still looking like she had the last time Aili had seen her. The only difference was that she carried herself with what looked like the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders now. 

“We revealed ourselves. We knew what could happen if we left the Covert. The Imperials arrived shortly thereafter, this is what resulted.”

“Did any survive?” Mando asked, trying desperately to keep his gaze on the Armorer rather than turning to look over at Aili. He didn’t want to see her face if the Armorer gave bad news. 

“Yes, though I do not know how many,” the Armorer said before turning to look over at Aili who had taken in a sharp breath. “Aili Verdella, you should know that your ade are with what remains of the covert.”

“They’re--” Aili cut herself off, unsure she could even trust herself to finish her sentence. 

“Your ship was used to reach Oshriya. Your oldest said they owed you a favor and from there I do not know, only that the plan was to sell your ship for enough credits to spare for safe passage off planet,” the Armorer explained simply as she picked up the closest piece of armor on the ground. 

“They sold my ship?” Just like that, Aili went from being happy they were still alive to wanting to kill them herself. She had spent thousands of credits on that ship, making it livable and able to transport several bounties at once if needed. Had even made sure all of the crew quarters were ready just in case.

“Are you really getting mad about a ship?” Now Mando turned to look at Aili, disbelief in his voice. He would have expected her to be relieved at the very least. 

“It was a Glowzee-class, fully customized! Yes, yes I am now that I know they’re not dead. But they’re gonna wish they were when we find them." Aili was aware that it was stupid but she knew that it would have been Madsin’s idea to sell the ship and she would have been the only one brave enough to suggest it. 

“She’s got a point, Mando. That was probably a beautiful ship,” Cara said, wincing at the thought of losing a ship like that. Glowzees were not easy to come by, especially now in the New Republic. Only ship harder to get was a Razor Crest but no one really wanted those very much. Glowzees though...those were the equivalent of beskar to someone who wanted a ship off the grid for any reason. 

“Can we focus on the Imps that are still coming after us?” Mando said before Aili could go off about the ship. He agreed that a Glowzee-class ship was a terrible thing to lose but he wasn’t about to let Aili know that. Not until they were out of the very real danger of not being able to make it back to the Razor Crest. But now he understood why she always liked to comment on everything she didn’t like about his ship, it was definitely a step down from her own ship. 

“Fine.”

“Come with us.” Mando directed towards the Armorer who had been picking up pieces of armor and placing them in a bin as they spoke. Of course no one could see the look she was giving Mando and Aili from behind her helmet, the knowing look in her eyes along with a small smile playing at her lips. 

“I will not abandon this place until I have salvaged what remains.” The Armorer placed one more piece of armor into the bin before pushing it into the Forge. Mando and Aili followed after her silently while Cara and Karga gave each other a confused look before they too went into the room. 

“Show me the one whose safety deemed such destruction,” the Armorer said after she placed a cuirass into the Forge to melt it down. Aili stepped forward, holding Little Green up a little so the Armorer could see him. 

“This is the one,” Mando said, awkwardly shifting his feet. He wasn’t sure how the Armorer would react to Little Green. 

“This is the one that you hunted then saved?” Even Aili could tell that the Armorer was a little taken aback by the sight of Little Green. It was how she had felt when she had first seen him on the Crest, complete surprise that someone would place a bounty on a child. 

“Yes. The one that saved me as well,” Mando replied.

“From the mudhorn,” the Armorer clarified, wanting to be sure that she was understanding him correctly. 

“Yes.”

“It looks helpless.”

Little Green let out a coo, looking up at the Armorer with his big brown eyes. Aili let out a quiet snort at the thought of Little Green being helpless after what she had seen him do in the past couple of days. She still needed to ask Mando about this mudhorn story because she couldn’t even begin to imagine what that was about. 

“He’s injured but he’s not helpless. Its species can move objects with its mind,” Mando explained, hoping that the Armorer would know about these powers than any of them did. 

“I know of such things. The songs of eons past tell of battles between Mandalore the Great and an order of sorcerers called Jedi that fought with such powers,” the Armorer explained as she dipped one of her tools into the now molten beskar, gathering it up easily.

“Jedi?” Aili questioned quietly. She wracked her brain to try to remember if she had ever heard that word used before. She recalled hearing rumors about the Emperor and she wondered if this had been why certain girls got pulled from the Program as soon as they left basic.

“It is an enemy?” Mando asked and Aili turned her head to give him an unimpressed look. Even if Little Green’s kind were enemies to the Mandalorians, Little Green clearly wasn’t given how many times he had helped them. Neither of them even knew how long he had been away from his kind so there was no telling how much he had even been taught about his powers.

“No. Its kind were enemies but this individual is not,” the Armorer said, unknowingly speaking the thoughts that Aili was having. She turned away from them, slowly walking over towards a cabinet against the wall. 

“What is he?” Mando asked. Aili wondered just how many questions he had because even if the Armorer were to suddenly change her mind, she doubted even Mando would be able to harm Little Green. 

“It is a foundling.” The way the Armorer said it left no room for argument. The cabinet opened up to reveal the rest of her tools. “By Creed, it is in your care.”

Little Green let out a small gurgle, looking up at Aili before glancing over at Mando with his big brown eyes. 

Mando let out a quiet, almost scoff of surprise before he pointed at the kid, “You wish me to train him?”

“It is too weak. It would die. You have no choice, you must reunite it with its own kind,” the Armorer said bluntly and Aili was beginning to remember why she sometimes preferred to spend as little time as possible in the Forge after a job. Other than wanting to spend more time with her girls before she had to leave. The Armorer pulled something that Aili couldn’t see out and placed in on the workstation in front of her. 

“Where?” Aili asked before Mando could. She didn’t like the idea of it but as attached as she was to Little Green, she knew he would probably be better off with his own kind. Be it these Jedi or even just his own race. 

“This, you must determine,” the Armorer answered as if that would make it any easier for them. She poured some of the beskar into molds, setting the rest of the beskar aside. 

“You expect us to search the galaxy for the home of this creature and deliver it to a race of enemy sorcerers?” Mando questioned, unsure of this mission that the Armorer was giving them. He didn’t even have a clue as to where they would even start and the galaxy was not small by any means. 

“This is the Way.”

The way the Armorer spoke those words gave Aili pause, wondering if the other woman had meant to say it with that tone. The Armorer turned back around, using her hammer on the molds that she had just filled in. The sound was jarring with the silence coming from the rest of the Covert.

“These tunnels are going to be lousy with Imps in a matter of minutes, we should at least discuss some kind of escape plan,” Cara said, spurred on by the noise the Armorer was now making. It would make it easier for the Imps to find them now, the sound carrying throughout the room and more than likely throughout the tunnels. 

“If you follow the descending tunnel, it will lead you to the underground river,” the Armorer suggested as she placed her hammer down and picked up another tool. “It flows downstream into the lava flats.”

“I think we should go,” Karga said. He wasn’t going to mention that he had already said they should go that way. 

“I’m staying. I need to help her and to heal,” Mando said, turning to look over at Aili who already looked ready to argue. “You go with them to the ship, take it to Oshriya.”

“You must go.” The Armorer said before Aili even had a chance to open her mouth. She picked up the first of the molds and placed it in water to release the mold. She did so quickly doing the same for the second of the molds. “A foundling is in your care. Until you reunite the Child with his people or he becomes of age, you two will be as his parents.”

Cara barely held back the smile threatening to appear on her face as she glanced over at the look of shock on Aili’s face. She also noted the way Mando shifted one foot backwards as if he were about to keel over. She was liking the Armorer a little more now.  Little Green let out another coo, staring straight at Mando who had turned to look over at both him and Aili who was decidedly avoiding looking back at him. 

“This is the Way.” Now Aili knew the Armorer was almost mocking both of them with the way she said that. She had spent at least enough time to know when she was smiling beneath her helmet and this was definitely one of those times. She had basically just called Mando and her a pair. The Armorer spent a few more moments working on whatever had been in the second mold before she was finished.  

“You have earned your signet,” the Armorer said, turning around and holding the signet in her hand along with something smaller that neither Mando or Aili could clearly see. She walked over to Mando and quickly attached the signet to Mando’s pauldron. 

“Thank you. I will wear this with honor,” Mando said, standing a little straighter now.

Once the Armorer was satisfied, she turned around to look at Aili. “You are a clan of seven, the largest in recent times,” the Armorer said without preamble, holding out a pendant not unlike the one Mando had handed Aili back in the cantina except this one was also a mudhorn. Aili’s eyes went wide, even as she slowly reached out to take the necklace. It wasn’t like she’d be able to refuse anything from the Armorer. 

“Excuse me, seven?” Cara exclaimed quietly, eyes wide as she counted everyone present again. Sure there were seven of them there but she didn’t agree to join a Mandalorian clan even if she had grown to like fighting alongside one of them. And how could a droid even be in a clan?

“Don’t worry Cara, I have four girls that are off-world," Alli said. She wasn’t sure what to make of all the thoughts now going through her head. 

“Four, you look good for giving birth to four kids.” Karga commented, surprised he hadn’t known this. He had always prided himself in at least knowing the bare minimum about his bounty hunter’s personal lives, if only so he knew who to inform if they died during a job. But Aili always had been a mystery to him, never speaking of her personal life in the slightest. 

“They’re adopted, former Program like me.” Aili kept her explanation as short as possible, they didn’t need to know all of the details.

“Oh good, but also maybe don’t add to your clan any time soon because five kids is a lot,” Cara tried to joke despite her shock. 

“Two are considered adults now, you should be proud to know that Sula has indeed chosen to train as a medic,” the Armorer directed the last of her statement in Aili and Mando’s direction. She was aware that the younger girl had told her about her doubts of continuing down the path of the Fighting Corps like her older sister.

“I am, thank you.”

There were muffled explosions in the distance, too close for Aili’s liking since she knew sound carried itself differently in tunnels. “Time to go. Now,” Aili said, looking up at Mando who nodded in agreement. 

“IG, please guard the outer hallway. A scouting party draws near.” 

IG-11 did as he was asked, leaving the room quickly as the Armorer turned once more to pick something up near the forge. “I have one more gift for your journey. Have you trained in the Rising Phoenix?”

“When I was a boy, yes,” Mando responded. It had been a long time since then but he still remembered most of the training. 

“Then this will make you complete,” the Armorer said, turning back around to show him the jetpack in her hands. Aili and Cara let out low whistles of appreciation. The Armorer continued to speak as if they hadn’t done so. “When you have healed, you will begin your drills. Until you know it, it will not listen to your commands.”

“I understand. Thank you.”

Several blasters sounded and Cara and Karga pulled out their own just in case Storm Troopers appeared. Aili shifted her own hold on Little Green so she could unholster her blaster as well. She may be carrying the kid but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be able to keep fighting. 

“You are protected,” IG-11 said as he stepped back into view of the entrance. 

“More will come. You must go.”

“Come with us,” Mando said, trying once more to get the Armorer to agree to leaving the now empty Covert. 

“My place is here, restock your munitions,” the Armorer said, leaving no room for Mando to argue with her. Not that he would ever argue with her. She went over to where IG-11 was now standing. “IG, carry this for Din Djarin until he is well enough to wear it.”

IG-11 took the jetpack without complaint and left the Forge once more. Mando did as he was told and restocked on charges.

“Now go. Down to the river and across the plains,” the Armorer said, watching as Cara and Karga left immediately. She took note of the way that Aili stayed in the entryway, obviously waiting for the Mandalorian that she had been travelling with. She looked back at Din Djarin as he finished restocking his munitions. “Be safe on your journey and protect your Clan to the best of your abilities.”

“I will. Thank you,” Mando said before taking out his blaster and leaving the Forge, Aili walking out by his side. The Armorer stood in front of the forge, watching as they left knowing that they would be fine despite anything the galaxy chose to throw their way. They would have to be strong with the remnants of the Empire after the Child in their protection but she knew they were stronger together. It was why she had sent Aili to him all those months ago afterall. 

[badger-writes]

Star Wars OC Ship Week 2021 - for light and love

2 - Fluff/Humor

“...And then I told him my name was ‘Kolto’,” Kelto despaired to Jora Malli later, in the Temple Refectory.

Jora pursed her lips sympathetically, nodding. For the better part of the lunch hour, she had endured her fellow Jedi Knight’s attempt to process the encounter which had transpired between himself and Knight Sskeer in the medical bay earlier that morning. To say he was taking it rather poorly was, well - not exactly correct.

“You did well to come to a friend for support,” she said neutrally, cutting into her shaak steak - a staple of Togruta cuisine. “In my experience, attempting to bottle your emotions concerning these experiences never ends well. Instead of deferring a resolution for later, you seek closure now, so you might move on. ‘There is no emotion - ‘”

“‘There is peace’, yeah, I know, I know.” Kelto groaned and sank his face into his palms, propping his elbows on either side of his platter of Rodian foodstuffs. “Not a whole lot of peace going on here right now, though…”

“Okay - then walk me through what you’re feeling. How would you describe your emotions?”

“Uhhh… Frazzled? Flustered? Deeply conflicted and anxious? I mean, you know, with me that’s not so much a him thing as an in general thing, but, you know - ”

“Kelto,” she said, a touch sternly.

“Sorry, sorry.” 

He sighed, picked out a cranker root from the corner of his plate, and broke into it with his teeth. As he chewed, Jora looked over his right shoulder as surreptitiously as he could; sitting at another table, head bowed over his own meal, was Sskeer himself. How he’d managed to occupy the table behind them without Kelto noticing, she had no clue, but presumed he’d been too wound up in venting his emotions to notice.

From the way Sskeer had oriented his chair and met her gaze in furtive glances, she could tell he was listening. Knowing what she knew of her mutual friends, she was willing to hazard a guess that he was harboring similar conflict, though he would never say so aloud.

Perhaps the Force was providing her an opportunity to resolve both sides of this spiritual conflict at once.

“Start from the beginning,” she said, after a sip of water. “When you first saw him. What was your reaction?”

“At first? Um, well…” Kelto gulped. “Well, the first thing I noticed is that he was huge, right? Not like Dowutin huge, of course, but this guy could take an airbus going 50 over the speed regulations straight to the chest and not even feel it. A-and buff, too. Burly, even. The kind of physique a sentient like me can only dream of. The kind you chisel out of marble and put in the Galactic Museum a couple hundred years later. It was - he was very handsome, is all I’ll say.”

Sskeer, leaning over his dish, perked up. A bemused smirk plied its way onto his face. 

“I’m fairly certain he’s not that physically impressive,” Jora cut in, speaking to them both.

“I mean, yeah, probably not. But that’s just how I felt! I couldn’t help it, I jumped straight into awkwardly crushing on him and I’d only seen him for like two seconds.”

“And then you saw his many scorch marks. From his errant training session.”

“Right,” Kelto said, as Sskeer snorted behind him. “Which - should probably be the first thing I pick up on, as a healer. But what do you want me to say? This morning was almost as much of a disaster as I am.”

“Kelto,” she said warningly.

“I-I can’t help it, Jora. I make jokes when I feel nervous or awkward. Which is almost all the time.”

“But they don’t all need to have you as the butt,” she said, jabbing at him through the air with her fork. “Be kinder to yourself, please. Make it a habit. For me?”

“R-right. Sorry.”

“Keep going. What did you think when you first started talking?”

The Rodian took a slice of galma fruit and popped it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing quickly. “To be honest, I thought he was a nut,” he said with a shrug.

This time when Sskeer glanced over, he looked just a touch offended.

“A nut,” Jora repeated. The surprise in her voice was largely an affectation; she knew Sskeer had adopted odd, borderline overzealous habits in the pursuit of becoming a Jedi Guardian. She teased him for it occasionally, a reaction to which he’d become accustomed. Here, though, she sensed an opportunity for someone else to do her dragging for her - apparently quite candidly.

“Oh, sure. I mean, who else do you know sets the training droids a couple notches above safety standards so he can really feel it when he gets spanked with a training saber, huh?”

She sputtered into her cup, lifting a hand to hide a smile. She really wouldn’t have taken that drink if she knew that sentence was coming.

“Right?!” Kelto gestured animatedly, oblivious to Sskeer glaring daggers over his shoulder. “How is that supposed to make you a better Jedi?”

“I’m sure he has good reasons,” she coughed, thumping her chest. “Being a protector - it requires a certain discipline.”

“I wouldn’t call that discipline. I’d call that masochism. But only because I’m a coward,” he confessed.

“Be kind.”

“It’s a joke!”

“You say it too easily. Like you believe it’s the truth.”

“It kind of is. That’s what makes it funny.”

She gave him a look. Sskeer did, too. His was less pointed, though.

“Assuming that’s true,” Jora continued, “Allow me to pull from your earlier statements two points: one, you find him physically attractive. Two, his habits confuse you. Would you say that’s accurate?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Very well. Is there anything else that you’d like to joke about, since that’s apparently the only way of pulling a straight answer out of you?”

“I can give straight answers!”

“Feel free anytime, for Force’s sake.”

Sskeer was smirking again, she noticed, poking around on his plate. Apparently, he found the way her scheme to annoy him with secondhand ridicule had imploded on her amusing, the bastard.

Kelto sighed, deflating slightly. “I - look, I’m sure he’s not as strange as I’m making him out to be. Just, you know… really serious. But I didn’t really get much else out of him while he was there.”

“You used Force healing on him, as I recall. That didn’t merit any kind of response?”

“O-oh yeah, I did do that! He seemed… pretty impressed, I guess. I - wasn’t really expecting that, to be honest.”

“And he caught you before you passed out. That’s something, isn’t it?”

“True, true. And then he held me up til I recov - “ Suddenly, Kelto’s cheeks went a deep shade of green. “A-actually, let’s not get back into that part.”

“Why?” Jora cocked her head, montrals shifting. “I wasn’t aware there was anything wrong with catching feelings unexpectedly.”

“I mean - mmmaybe not, no. I - I just don’t think I, you know, kept control of them very well there.”

“We’re only mortal, Kelto. You’re in your right to forgive an occasional emotion.”

“I--” The Rodian checked over his shoulder - the wrong one - and leaned in close, framing his huge, panicky eyes with both hands. “Jora, I was full-on touching his chest.”

Behind him, Sskeer’s eyes went wide, and he too wound up coughing water back into his glass. It served him right, Jora thought.

“He was holding you in his arms,” she said evenly. “You were disoriented. Worse things have happened.”

“Y-yeah, but - but I don’t want to end up like that horndog Elzar Mann!”

No sooner had Sskeer finished clearing his lungs than he had to duck and press his face into the crook of his elbow to stifle a laugh, so as to avoid being discovered.

“Really, have you seen that guy make eyes at Avar Kriss lately?” Kelto continued conspiratorially. “They hide it so poorly! It’s a wonder the Council hasn’t stepped in yet.”

“I doubt it’s much of a priority for either Master Lahru, Veter, or Yoda to be poking their noses into what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedchambers.”

“I mean - if word ever really gets out, it technically will be!”

“Only technically,” she retorted.

Kelto blinked. “Oh no,” he murmured. “This isn’t going to be another one of your lectures, is it?”

Jora hesitated for only half a second. “All I’m saying is if you really look at the Code--”

“If you start talking about the difference between celibacy and purity again--”

“‘Attachment’ is not the same thing as connection, to suggest otherwise is such a literalist misinterpretation--”

Gesticulating, Jora caught the eye of Sskeer again. He was grinning like a nexu, the scaly skink.

“What I mean to say is,” she said, waving her hands in some vague effort to get them both back on-track, “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling right now, Kelto. Nothing whatsoever. It’s only a natural part of life, just like joy and sorrow.”

“Yeah, duh,” he replied, peeling a hardboiled vakiir egg. “Not my first day out of the creche. It just - I don’t know, it feels weird not being able to act on it.”

“Why?”

“Well, the big one is the Code, but let’s not get into that again. The other half is - well, Jora, I barely know him. I don’t even know if he likes me as a person, let alone romantically, or… you know, like that. But I can’t imagine he would.”

Jora risked a peek, raising an eyebrow. Sskeer shrugged, nonplussed, in a manner that communicated either that he could take or leave him - or just the general sentiment of ‘what do you want from me?’. Possibly both at once. In return, she flattened the eyebrow and pursed her lips to sardonically ‘thank’ him for his ‘help’.

“Why do you presuppose the inevitability of rejection, in either case?”

“I just - I don’t know, I’m a pessimist. What else do you want me to say, Jora? We live in totally different worlds.”

“Not that different. You are both Jedi. And remember what he called you before he left - a credit to the Order, I believe were his words?”

“That’s what everyone says after getting Force healed,” Kelto grumbled, rubbing the back of his head under his pom.

She shook her head doubtfully, skewering another bite of steak. “You’re focused too much on the banality of your own excellence,” she said, chewing. “Think back to his reaction. How he spoke to you. The way he looked at you. What did he think of you while you were together?”

He shrugged helplessly. Then his brow furrowed in thought. “Well, I guess… there were times when he seemed to pick up on - you know, everything I was going through. Granted, I wasn’t being very subtle, but…

“I guess I’d say he was being… patient? Like he understood I was a little… distracted by him. Well, he was a little touchy about the ‘masochist’ comment, but… he didn’t, like, tell me to settle down or anything. And then there were some weird moments where he - I don’t know, was trying to joke with me?”

“How so?”

“Like... being sort-of flirty, but not really? Like when he leaned back on the table, he had this little smile, and then when he left he sort of whispered right into my ear? Little things like that.”

“Oh yes. ‘Little things’. Like whispering in your ear.”

Kelto blinked owlishly. “... I mean. Do people not… do that?”

“Generally, in polite company? No.”

“Oh.” Kelto’s flush deepened. “Oh.”

“You really should leave the healing halls and try talking to people every once in a while, Kelto.”

“You don’t think he was…? F-for me? And I missed it??”

“I don’t know,” Jora hummed. “Without him here to speak for himself, I can’t say. I suppose you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

Kelto whined, sinking his face into his hands. “But that means I have to talk to him,” he protested.

“Yes,” she replied bluntly. “That’s how having a dialogue is supposed to work.”

“I-I can’t talk to him! I mean-- I made such a fool of myself earlier! You really think I can just… speak to him, normally?”

“Well, if you don’t, what’s your backup plan?”

“Useless gay pining, mostly. Or leaving the Order, maybe?”

“Kelto.”

“Look at me, Jora. I’m not built to carry a torch for anybody. I-I can barely make eye contact with people I’m not crushing on. My best chance at this point is just going back to the healing halls and hoping he doesn’t come back in too often. Maybe I’ll move rooms, now that he knows where my ward is. I’ll ask about it.”

“You can’t just hide from your problems in the medical bay, Kelto.”

“Why not? I--” Kelto bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. “Dammit, Jora, what else am I supposed to do?”

She dropped her fork on her plate and framed the sides of her face with her hands, as he had done earlier. “Literally just talk to him.”

“H-how? I’m not - I’m not brave enough, okay? What am I supposed to do?”

She groaned, folding her palms over her eyes. Through her fingers, she could see Sskeer raising his brow, lifting out of his chair slightly; not yet, she thought, shaking her head just slightly. He sat back down, but still seemed concerned.

“Indulge me,” Jora said finally, leaning her elbows on the table and holding out her hands towards Kelto, as if she were trying to physically channel the confidence to hold a single conversation into him through the Force. “Take a moment, don’t think about how you think you did, or what you thought he was thinking, in those moments. Don’t think about possible futures where you’re together or just friends or outright rejected. Just-- think about what you felt. How he made you feel. Don’t focus on yourself. Just find your center, search your feelings... and tell me what you find.”

Kelto opened his mouth - closed it - looked down at the tabletop, drumming his fingers. “I…”

From behind, Sskeer watched him think. Anticipation glimmered in his eyes.

“...I like him,” Kelto decided. “Really, I do. He’s… patient and serious, and respectful, once you earn it. A little intense, obviously, but… strong, and driven. I’d… I want to know him better. However that happens.”

“And your other feelings?”

He took a slow, deep breath. “I… can move past them, if I really have to. It’s what we’re trained for. It’s just… powerful, I guess is the word. I didn’t see it coming. It… knocked me off my feet.”

“I’m told that’s often how it feels,” Jora said kindly.

He nodded shyly.

“Do you plan to ask him?”

“Not - not right away, I don’t think. I-- that’s not the right foot for any relationship to get off on, I don’t think. Like putting the hovercart before the roth, you know? It’d define the whole-- no, no. I want to start as friends. And if he turns me down, then… then we’ll stay friends, and I’ll be okay. I- I want to do it right. … For both of us. For him, mostly, but… yeah.”

Kelto shrugged as he finished, going back to picking at his plate. Behind him, Sskeer’s face had shifted just enough that Jora knew he’d been affected.

“Well said,” she said simply, as Sskeer took his plate and stood.

“You think so?”

“Well, it was better put than the lust-flavored word vomit you began with.”

“Look, when I say the man’s thighs are like wroshyr trunks and his chest is like a set of Weequay thunder drums, I’m only half-joking. He’s genuinely an impressive specimen. It’s a compliment.”

“You get to say all of that, but I’m the one bending the Code?”

He snorted. “Jora, please. We may be technically sworn to celibacy, sure, but we’re not dead, either.”

“Pardon me,” a deep voice said from behind him.

Kelto bit down on a yelp. Every joint in his body seemed to lock up so he sat straight upright. His eyes went as wide as the Temple’s dinner platters.

“Jedi Sskeer,” Jora Malli said, conversationally. “What a lovely surprise.”

“I couldn’t help but overhear someone talking rather loudly about myself,” he replied easily, “so I thought I’d stop by. Is this seat taken?”

“Not at all. Please, join us.”

He sat down right next to Kelto. The Rodian seemed to shrink, quailing.

“How much did you overhear, incidentally?” Jora asked, returning to finish off the last of her steak.

“Enough to know better than to take offense,” Sskeer replied, tucking into his karkan ribene. “Life is too ssshort to worry about the occasional social faux pas, isn’t it, little healer?”

Kelto’s throat bobbled. He looked to Jora to throw him a lifeline; in response, she only raised her eyebrows.

His eyes rolled back to the plate before him - then narrowed. He set his jaw and took a long, gulping swallow of his Rodian ale, an action that left his snout twisting for a moment afterward. Then he turned in his seat towards the Trandoshan.

“We should probably start over,” he said, putting out his hand. “I’m Kelto. Kelto Lem. It’s - great to meet you, Sskeer.”

Sskeer sent Jora a sidelong glance. She nodded.

“Likewise,” he returned, clasping the Rodian’s hand in his own.

“Um - no hard feelings about… anything from earlier, right?”

“Consider the slate wiped clean.”

“Oh. … Good.” That was easy, his eyes seemed to say, as he disengaged from the handshake.

Jora Malli sensed her work here was done. “I have a velocities demonstration with the younglings coming up,” she said, gathering her utensils and standing up. “I suppose I’ll leave you to it.”

“Of course,” Sskeer said graciously. He turned back to Kelto. “Would you prefer to move to the other side of the table, that we may face each other?”

Kelto blinked. “Uh - sure! You, you won’t mind, will you, Jora?”

“Don’t look at me,” she said, shrugging. “I won’t even be here.” She turned, deposited her empty plate and glass at an appropriate refuse station, and departed without further fanfare.

Gingerly, Kelto repositioned himself and his lunch to the other side of the table, sitting right before Sskeer. When he pushed in his chair, he seemed to be sitting a little taller.

“So, uh. Hello again.”

Sskeer smiled, shook his head, and took a bite of ribene.