#and working w them again bc they rly got me and i didn’t know how good i had it lol. i guess i don’t need someone as good anymore bc things

[pepprs]

meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying

[mikanotes]

goodbyes are sour

connor x gn!reader — 2.1k words

genre: angst sorta! mutual pining in denial

warnings: mentions of guns and killing, kabedon for the sake of science, connor unreliable narrator LOL u have feelings android man… maybe ooc idk. (wrote this w the idea of connor being deviant since the beginning bcs Yeah!)

synopsis: You meet Connor again. Turns out things are much more complicated when you aren’t working together.

author’s note: hi dbh fic?! i Love connor nd i’ve been writing this for a while (crazy since it’s rly short) but i don’t like it much… anyways whoevers alive in the dbh fandom have this!

“Detective.”

There’s just something about the way Connor speaks. The cadence, the pitch, the enunciation of each word. It’s painfully evident that he isn’t human. Everything about him is so machine-like that even his perfect, human-like exterior could not fool anyone. However it is something you got used to. Hearing the android speak your name and call you ‘Detective’ back a while ago felt somewhat unsettling. Now it’s so easy to recognize that it almost makes you feel at ease.

“Do you seriously think I’m an android? I don’t wanna deal with those fucking machines, either. I’d be glad if you put a bullet through them rather than me.”

Turns out hearing him fake being a human is ten times more terrifying than his android speech patterns could ever hope to be.

This was not part of the plan.

You were sent with a unit to patrol around the streets for any android who still hadn’t been brought back or destroyed. You weren’t a fan of this whole assignment, but felt better than the rookies who were sent out to shoot humanoid robots as their first field mission probably did.

It would be fine, is what you told yourself, because you didn’t feel anything towards Cyberlife’s creations enough to be completely uncomfortable with the idea of their blue blood on your hands, though it wasn’t ideal. You could manage. Until the first person you came across happened to be the one android you genuinely cared about.

“I don’t think he’s one of them…” one of your fellow officers murmurs next to you. You suddenly become very aware of the gun he, too, is holding and pointing towards the target. Fuck. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough.

At least this idiot’s performance seems to be fooling them.

You wait one second, then sigh on the second, and finally lower your gun on the third. “You shouldn’t be here.” you say casually, prompting your colleagues to relax and the atmosphere to lighten a little. Your heart is in your throat, however. “We’ve got orders to round up every android we see around here. You should go home. This isn’t exactly safe.”

“I know, I know.” he sighs, rolling his eyes a little, “I was gonna leave anyways, thanks.”

Your coworkers mumble to themselves about how disagreeable this guy’s attitude is and it’s enough for them to miss the wink the latter sends your way as he leaves. You almost regret not shooting a bullet through his head.

Still, you sigh in relief, setting your gun back at your side and running a hand over your face. You don’t think you can continue patrolling in peace. There’s one too many questions in your mind and the key to answering them is escaping from your grasp.

You take the phone in your pocket and pretend to get a call, moving it to your ear and looking at the members of your team. “I’ll join up with you later.” you say, gesturing towards your phone. They nod and walk away, and you do the same, feeling more relieved than ever that these people see you as a leader of sorts. They won’t question you on anything. You hurry towards the direction your so-called partner left to the moment they’re out of sight.

A rooftop door, stairs, and more stairs. You’re jogging down like you’re chasing a criminal on the run. You’re down to the fifth floor out of eight when someone grabs your arm and pulls you out a door.

“Wha—” you try to yell, but a cold hand settle over your mouth. Your body relaxes but your expression tenses. Connor. “Let me go,” you mumble incoherently, surprisingly succeeding in getting him to let you step away.

You sigh and shake your head, turning around abruptly. His ‘human costume’ (which really just was a grey suit jacket thrown over what should’ve been his Cyberlife uniform, glasses, and a cap to hide his LED) is already gone, replaced by his usual attire, just missing his jacket.

“What the hell was that about?” you ask, annoyed, pointing towards the staircase (back there, on the roof) and the android simply shrugs. “Connor.”

“I was undercover, Detective. I thought someone as smart as you would recognize that much.” he says, his tone back to normal. You’d feel relieved if he wasn’t being so irritating. “Was I wrong?”

Your face drops. “No. I figured as much. But what for?” you sigh, crossing your arms.

“Same mission as always.”

“Who are you chasing? Did you find the place?”

“I have no reason to tell you.”

It only clicks then that while you know about Connor continuing his mission after being laid off the case, you’re not part of it anymore. He had to be sent back to Cyberlife, and you should’ve been forgetting about him entirely. You’re still DPD, and you have orders to shoot Androids on sight— Which you clearly aren’t following. He’s right. He has no reason to tell you.

Still.

You grab his arm when he threatens to walk away. You’re not sure what you want to say, but you’re not done talking. He lets you. “Connor.”

“Detective.” he says. You straighten your back and sigh, not breaking eye contact. He tilts his head to the side and his LED flashes yellow for an instant. “You’re angry.”

Of course you’re angry. He’s infuriating. There’s something about how logical and dead-set on following every single rule he is that makes Connor the most annoying individual you’ve ever talked to. Everything he does has to be for his mission. Every single thing.

“Do threats work with you?” you ask blankly, “If you don’t tell me where it is, I’ll get Cyberlife to bring you back, and all that?”

When he takes a step closer to you again, forcing your back to press against the wall, and his LED does not even threaten to change hues, you’re taken aback. Just a bit. It’s the same kind of frustrated attitude you would’ve expected from a human after saying what you just did. But not Connor.

He doesn’t seem frustrated, though. And you know he can look annoyed. He just doesn’t. So he must not be. And you want to find what it is he’s doing exactly, stepping closer to you without even saying a word, but your brain feels like it’s short-circuiting at the distance between you two. You know he does everything for his work. Does he think you have new information on deviants? Does he really believe you would call Cyberlife on him? Is he using his stupid interrogation module on you? Whatever it is makes you even more annoyed.

The silence feels heavy. It makes things worse. It gives your brain time to process how this is making you feel and it’s no good at all. “What?” you break the silence, tone somewhat irritated.

“I’m trying to understand the reason why you’re so angry at me.” he explains simply, like it makes sense. His eyes narrow a bit and the LED at the side of his head flickers yellow for a moment. “And no, Detective. Threats don’t work on me. Not when I can tell you’re lying so easily.” he adds, quieter.

“Shut up.” you scoff.

“I dont think I will.”

“Connor.”

“— However,” he interrupts, “I can step away from you at any moment if you tell me to.”

“No.”

“No?”

What— No?! You register the word after saying it and sigh, face contorting into a somewhat pained expression. You panicked and said it, your mind processing his offer as him leaving you again— With no information and nothing to ease your stupid worries. Now it just sounds odd.

Is that embarrassment?

“You didn’t finish what you were trying to do, did you? You haven’t told me why I’m angry yet. Since you apparently care so much.” you say, tone sounding much softer than before. Your apparent discomposure took away all the bitterness from your voice. Interesting.

Truth be told, Connor knows why you’re angry. He’s not letting you in on the details of what he’s doing despite the time you spent working as partners a very short while ago. He’s spent enough time with people, and you especially, to know that after forming some kind of bond with a work partner, it would be frustrating not to receive information about their mission the way you used to from them—

Especially considering he was still chasing after something you both knew about. Jericho. But he cannot tell you about that. Not… Right now.

What he really was trying to do was evaluate how much of a threat you really could be to his investigation. He didn’t sense any hostility before and he doesn’t now, and you could’ve shot him but you didn’t. But it’s not enough. He needs more time— More evidence that it’s fine. That’s why he pulled you here in the first place. That’s why he pressured you to talk.

He needs to make sure killing you isn’t necessary.

“Because I posed a threat to the stability of your current mission earlier. You wouldn’t have been able to shoot me had I been discovered, and your reaction to your colleagues shooting me would’ve jeopardized your job itself.” he answers.

This reasoning would make sense.

“That’s not it.” you sigh.

Your heartbeat is slowing down. No good. Connor leans his arm on the wall next to you and moves closer. Your heartbeat picks up in speed. It’s almost alarming. He can tell all the details about your physical condition and deduce what you’re thinking or feeling based off of them, sure. But he’s no human. The way he views and comprehends emotions is registered in his system in a much more clear and logic-based way than it is in humans’ brains.

So maybe he won’t ever know why your heart beats so heavily against your ribcage. So he just has to pressure the right places and demand answers. He unfortunately can’t allow you to relax. He won’t get anything out of you if you’re calm. You’re much too turbulent for that.

Or maybe he’ll just have to ask. In a normal way.

“Detective, what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” you scoff, eyes widening. Wrong question.

You seem like you want to be angry but something is holding you back from displaying just how much he gets on your nerves. You sigh deeply and look at him, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so weird. More than usual. Why’d you pull me here if you didn’t want to tell me anything? And I’m worried. What if you really did get shot? Wasn’t Cyberlife supposed to deactivate you? They wouldn’t have brought in another Connor this time. You’re off the case, you— You would’ve died!”

“Maybe.”

There’s circles under your eyes. There always are, but they’re more defined now than they were the last time he saw you. Now that you’re actually being honest, your whole voice and mannerisms betray any of your usual annoyed and dismissive facade. He didn’t think you cared this much, though he understands that some humans are quick to empathize. To a fault.

Now it’s clear he doesn’t need to eliminate you at all. Part of him seems to have grown fond of your company. He couldn’t risk that getting in the way of his better judgment.

“I only pulled you here so you wouldn’t pointlessly chase down the streets searching for me, since I made sure no one would follow.” he says, stepping back and giving you more space, “You’re a police officer. It doesn’t matter what you say you’ll keep to yourself or not. I can’t compromise. This is too important.”

You’re hurt, it’s visible. He’s saying he can’t risk trusting you. He figures that must not feel nice.

The sound of the radio attached to your side breaks this prolonged silence with the promise of separation. You take it, eyes not leaving Connor’s, and listen to your colleague speak. You tell them you’ll be right there. You’re not one to be late. He knows you’ll really leave this time— Too far away for him to hope to talk to you again, if anything goes awry.

You turn the radio off and put it back where it was. “Hope you succeed, then.” you say, bitter, and push yourself up to start walking away.

“Take care of yourself, Detective.” Connor says. Asks. The words come out before he can really think. Something about your voice and this whole atmosphere made him… Feel uneasy. Like he needed to say something. If this is how your partnership ends, he doesn’t believe it should be on such a sour note. He cares doesn’t dislike you at all, so why should it?

You stagger a little, seemingly stopping in your tracks, but moving again no more than a second later. “You too, Connor.”

Somehow, goodbyes had never seemed so sad.

[straycalamities]

Oh my okay I've got several... no I've got plenty of questions abt Truffula Flu lol

So... I'll ask all I remembered I wanted to ask, I hope it won't be too much..

1. Why guns aren't allowed in camp Entre? Maybe I skipped few posts, but I didn't see explanation for this one

2. About zombie mutations. Is they're really become stronger or is it just Rocky and Entre become weaker cuz of their illnesses?

3. Swags mod said that Swag would probably leave camp and die somewhere in quite place, while trying to survive. Why would he leave people that he cares about? Im a little bit dumb and don't exactly understand his planned ending 8(

4. There was a moment when One-ler tried to convince Bitter to put him out of his misery, but he escaped that. And I was curious, if he actually killed him then, would Entre blame himself for that? And if so, would it be worse then he blamed himself when he killed Bitter by his own hands?

5. After Rockys planned death, would Swag blame Entre for this? I mean, emotionally shocked, blame him again about this apocalypse stuff, that Rocky wouldn't die if he wasn't infected and etc.

I hope I made myself clear cuz I dunno how to put some questions ughh😭😭

And again Im sorry if its too much questions!

PHEW THAT IS A CHUNKY LIST. i love it

1. guns are loud and the infected are drawn to loud noises so if you shot a gun you’d be ringing the dinner bell basically. i feel like maybe we touched on it directly? but if i’m wrong it’s probably bc it’s a common thing brought up in zombie apocalypse stories so we might’ve assumed ppl just Knew why none of them used or wanted to use a gun

2. they do become stronger! i actually have a whole list of mutations (and more can be added as ppl come up with them! it’s open lore basically)

i made a whole google doc explaining the actual truffula flu and the symptoms, risks, etc (content warning for if you’re sensitive to medical discussion?? i don’t know how to word it but i wrote it like ur typical online disease info page. also content warning for zombies bc. it’s entirely abt zombification.)

rocky and entre being weakened definitely didn’t help their situation but yes. it’s mainly bc the spiky zombie is faster and stronger than ur typical sort

3. this is kinda hard for me to answer bc i’m not the one who originally wrote it. i don’t rly know why it was planned for it to go like that. i guess out of irony? i know the original plan was for swag to be the sole survivor at the end, but that kinda clashed w other plans so it was changed. so maybe this was the compromise to that

i will say tho that. things had been discussed since that post was made and his story goes differently than was broadcasted. howso? you’ll just have to see :)

4. yes, entre still would’ve blamed himself because ultimately: this is all his fault. regardless of who dies how or where. they wouldn’t be in that situation if it weren’t for him. especially if it’s connected directly with the infection. especially if it’s right in front of him where he can’t ignore it

he wouldn’t have been AS devastated by bitters death if he weren’t the one that had to kill him tho, because the thing is: that was the first time entre had directly killed someone who was still “alive” (unless i’m forgetting some obscure shit i did or said idk it’s been over a decade) and not only that, it was someone who was still his friend despite what he’d done? and even more layers: he had worked so hard to get bitter to come out of his shell prior to the infection and actually be his friend and then this happens. and he has to be the one to end it. bc he was pressured into it

so honestly entres descent into immense self-loathing and all that would have been Very different from how we saw it if someone else had taken care of bitter

5. nah i don’t think swag would’ve like actively started pointing fingers at entre again at that point. like deep deep down swag can’t ignore that this IS entre’s fault and this WOULDNT have happened if not for his mistake, but…swag realizes in the story that it’s not gonna get them anywhere if he keeps holding on so hard to those facts. like if he keeps berating and belittling entre as payback for everything what’s actually gonna get better for that? nothing. all it does is give him temporary catharsis and even that gets cheaper and lasts less time every time he does it

entre wants to fix things so earnestly and tries and swag sees that and wants to help because obviously he also would like this to be undone or at least, cured. and they can’t help each other if they’re at odds. and so even if it’s really hard on him to lose rocky like that, i think at that point it’s just chalked up to “this bitch of a situation” and not “entre did this”

not forgetting the fact that at that point, entre is going to mean a LOT to him because of how their relationship has deepened. so he’s not gonna turn on one of the only ppl he has left

thank you for the questions!! 😊

[whumpshaped]

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed glitching. It’s a bit embarrassing to say, but I barely interacted with it in any way that you could see because the format made me feel guilty about reading whump in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. That’s a compliment to your writing! Glitching was about being an accomplice and moral choices and I got caught up in it that I stopped participating in the polls after a few posts. I really liked it though.

Since you couldn’t see the likes that I very much wanted to give the series, I’m sending my thanks directly. You are really good at writing, and your specific style is one of my favorites on this site. Your writing is just brutal in a way that a lot of whump writing isn’t, and your characters are extremely compelling/whumpable. I can’t describe exactly what I love about it, but I do love it. You also made glitching really quickly, which is impressive. I’m still in awe of how you made all the different endings for the finale. That must have taken forever.

Was Glitching always going to end the way it did? If the audience had voted to kill Seth at the earliest opportunity, would that have happened? Are there any other pathways that you had planned out that we didn’t get to see? Basically, I loved Glitching and I want to hear all the behind the scenes details that you are willing to share.

Thanks again!

aaaaaaaaaa thank u SO much for this. long ass response under the cut !

this is honestly.... mostly all i wanted to achieve w glitching. (my first objective was to create a whump cyoa story where the options were all bad, bc in all the other ones ppl kept picking the good ones and i was like :| but my whump..? no whump..?) several times i felt like maybe the second person pov is too much and its too real and itll turn everyone off... but then i thought. thats. kind of what i want. i want it to feel a little gross even if its fiction. i wanted to make ppl feel conflicted.

so please dont feel bad about not interacting! i understand how it could feel rly bad and guilt-inducing. im glad u made the decision to stop interacting when u did, its NOT embarrassing in the slightest. this message means a whole lot either way.

hehehehehe im GLAD theyre brutal! thats very much the style i wanna be known for lol and the style i enjoy! i want stuff to be gruesome and disgusting! i want it to be brutal and unforgiving! i want violence! i want gore! and also thank u, im glad my characters r whumpable. especially w glitching, i saw that when other ppl put their cute ocs in situations no one wanted to hurt them, so i was like ok whos my most vile most hated most disgusting oc whom everyone would Love to see be punched in the face- in general i love making my ocs whumpable and pitiful. i love a pitiful little guy

i stopped writing glitching when my exams started at college, and iced it after maybe chapter 8 or 9. then i picked it back up again after i got a 20th message in my inbox abt how ppl miss it, and it successfully forced my hand to finally sit down and just Write. (i do have to be forced to write a lot of the times. it doesnt work for everyone, but it does for me. obviously i can never get in the zone if i dont even open the document yknow. thats why i write a lot of shitty drabbles! it keeps up momentum!) and then i just kept writing. and writing. and writing. trying to get a chapter out every day because i knew what i wanted to do and i wanted to finish it. when it comes to the finale, iiiii decided i wanted to do that whole thing literally 2 days beforehand. my friend told me "wow these options r all good" and i said "i know i kinda wanna see all of them too". and the idea was born. the seed was planted. the bug was in my fucken ear.

so the next morning i checked the poll on chapter 13, and saw that of course the option to keep seth alive was winning by far. so i wrote that in advance. then i started writing out the endings for the finale. i managed to get maybe 3 of them done. then the next day i finished the other 6, tweaked the earlier ones, all that. i uploaded them all, posted everything privately, fiddled forever w the links (which i knew were likely gonna break anyway-) and THEN WHEN THE TIME CAME I WANTED TO MAKE ONE LAST EDIT AND ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT. so i had to unprivate everything in a fucking frenzy like OH MY GOD PPL WONT UNDERSTAND I RUINED IT I RUINED EVERYTHING. but anyway yes it took me like 2 days of writing and editing but the response was soooooo worth it. ppl were so so so kind to me. it was honestly amazing.

one thing abt me, i started planning my stories At All in the last few months. before that, Nothing. and especially w smth like glitching, where the audience's decision influences the next chapter and i cant plan ahead, i didnt even bother. whatever the audience chose was always gonna happen. if they chose to exit the stream on the very first poll, i wouldve ended it. im serious. i thought abt pulling "you try to exit but it doesnt work" but then i was like. no. ppl can have one (1) chance to turn their heads away if they want, as a treat. i wouldve written a chapter about the debilitating guilt and lifelong "what if" feeling, and that wouldve been it. as for the earlier murder options, yes! i wouldve gone thru w it at any time. starting from maybe the 6th chapter (or whenever i brought in the murder option) the audience held the power to end the stream and seth's suffering. they chose not to. but they couldve.

one option that i wanted that never got chosen was the baseball bat. im obsessed w beating someone to the point of broken bones w a baseball bat. so when the ending was getting nearer and nearer, i thought about simply disregarding the last poll and writing a single chapter where the host goes "i respected the choices u made up until now, but this time, im making the decision". but i was like. no fuck that. this is an interactive story all about being able to choose ur own decisions. i just asked the audience to supply me w puppy seth commands, citing how it was interactive. i couldnt just go and ignore that two chapters later, yknow? plus as u said it kind of all hinged on the feeling of "i did this. im responsible". so if i took that responsibility away in the last second IN THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF ALL it wouldnt have been good enough

most of the time i just kept giving the options i really wanted to write, and eventually, ppl picked them. it was a good story in the sense that the order didnt matter too much. i could give the same options, and the host was still able to carry them all out.

some more behind the scenes- i thought about revealing the host's identity multiple times. i thought about making them someone the audience already knew (like ren, my friend's oc who greatly inspired the character from the very first chapter), or someone who couldve been vaguely familiar but unknown (a former friend of pumpkin?), but in the end i just settled on the mystery. especially since i decided to give it a paranormal twist. i couldve NEVER made a better reveal than the mystery itself. never ever. some things dont have to be revealed.

but yeah! thats that. i rly enjoyed glitching, i loved the response i got (it was by far the most popular story ive ever posted on here w the most tags and comments and asks), and i loved how i managed to do the finale. it was concise, i can say i finished another story, and its just all around a great time. thank u so much for ur message !!!

[bigstupiddummie]

making a post in the tags to “call out” a person is so dumb and childish and stupid, so i won’t put this in there. however, the admin of @wavehq is full lying on my name these days even though i haven’t talked to them or anyone else involved in there in like 6mos. and i rly want them to stop.

i don’t have my old discord account w ss. if anyone else has ss with me in them, u can add them to this post idc how ugly it makes me look. i talked a LOT of shit ( and pertaining to this story, about sel esp ) and called ppl some nasty names and any ss will incriminate me of that. so me talking shit isn’t a ‘gotcha’ anymore. i talked shit and called sel names, as well as k, and i know sel called me names, and im sure everyone else did too. whatevs.

yk what i never did ? i never made a “manifesto” about my ex friend, or priv-retweeted their personal ooc twitter account to mock them. i never helped create and work on an rpt blog, then went and consoled the person being mentioned in nasty messages in the blog on some “oh im so sorry this is happening to you ˙◠˙” shit when it was them the whole time. the worst i did was “fuck her, he’s a cunt, fuck them”, but dream, you lied to me a Lot!

and you’re lying in defending yourself by saying i “heavily hate” sid or anyone. i never have, never did, never will. the last thing i said to sid in like July was “hey, heres my ooc tiktok, im deleting discord. if i never hear from you again, take care.” and then i left rp and the rpc entirely. haven’t talked to or even perceived any of you in months.

you want to believe i’m “bringing this up now” to start stuff or something, but what stakes do i have in any of this? you and yours drove me out of the hobby i’ve loved since i was 12, used an rpt blog to force me to defend myself against your ugly claims at a time you Knew well and good i was absent and dealing with a family death ( and then came in my dms to comfort me ??? you and k both. ) . i lost all of my best friends of several years. trust me, i want no part of the rpc anymore. i don’t want back in. i don’t want to engage. this is a nothing tumblr account that ill never use again. consider, instead, that another person close to the situation and i shared similar experiences and realized there were too many untruths and inconsistencies to let it rest, rather than just ‘starting stuff’ to start stuff.

“sid says steph crops screenshots to make them look incriminating” aye , but i definitely gave my entire discord login out, more than once, and encouraged my friend at the time to go ahead and look for themselves ( they declined at the time. i can still give the login i really do not care. though idk if the login will work anymore bc the accounts been deactivated for, uh, 6 months.) i cropped ss where earthp members were telling me how K is making them uncomfortable and how they were worried lenny was being dragged around by K, that i did do. and i STILL let k know that that’s what they were saying. i can’t stress enough ive got Nothing here that im fighting for i just think its ugly to lie for so long to everyone

“steph heavily hates sid” i do not. note the last thing i said to sid, up there ^. we did follow each other on tiktok then, and then we didn’t speak for 6 months. as of this morning, we are no longer tiktok mutuals - so it goes. sid never owed me anything. i don’t hate them. they know ( and yk what, so do my irl work managers!!! bc this shit affected my actual real mental health!!! ) that the day things went down, i left work early sobbing full blown emotional episode, writing paragraphs in desperation, to the point of overwhelming them and myself. i loved them dearly, called them my ‘spouse’ and best friend everyday, etc. though i don’t know now if they knew more about you than they let on. anyway……. please don’t just be declaring shit about me like it’s fact ?? i don’t hate anyone. not even you dream! just stop lyinggggg i hate that

ye all made me feel like i was crazy and losing myself in my own paranoia omg??? and ye were in your private chats afterward going “well deserved!!!” who even are you what did i do to you omgggg are we not in our late 20s with lives and careers ?????

if this is all bc of heddie/reddie and avengefm ? its ships dude it’s dolls it’s not real and to commit so much energy and emotion to lying to protect ur ships/rps is troubling at best. and if its not about heddie/reddie, then i haven’t a NOTION bc you and i, even when we were friendly w each other, were not close enough to create a bond to break??? i didnt do anything to you but welcome you into my writing spaces and engage in yours to the best of my ability. i was transparent with you when my activity struggled or i needed a break for mental health reasons… but what you had done with your friends is what ruined my mental health ?… go figure ….

i know who was behind that blog because they came clean and told me your connection to it as well. i know sel said nasty things about me too - we’re human and humans love talking shit. but no one else ever took it as far as you did, dream.

i don’t want anything from you! just stop lying on my name i don’t “heavily hate” anyone. outside of my shit talking from 6mos ago, i haven’t said a word against anyone but yourself; i’ve called you a liar, here in this post, because that is what i believe you are.

nobody in my entire life brings up what happened in everwell more than you and k. i owned up to every part i had ( whether directly or by my unavailability, all of it ), i deplatformed and cut out my two best friends ( people i had had in my HOME and had met IRL they were real people to me!!!!! ) and apologized personally to everyone affected, while picking out a funeral outfit and consoling my crying family. these are all my cards on table. you don’t have to respond either. just omg quit lying about me and the way i feel and what my intentions are - if a mf wants to know what im thinking and feeling, they can just Ask me.

and k i don’t want anything from you either! your names in this post because you were involved, and you know your involvement with that blog and how you also came to console me after. outside of that, i do not think of you and do not care what you think of me.

sid, i don’t want anything from u all either and i meant it when i said if i never hear from you again, take care bc i did care for u lots and also invited you into my home bc you were a real person to me. just know for a fact that anything dream says i’m saying about you or feeling toward you is just pulled out of thin air for whatever reason.

i always thought ye all were great writers!!! and so did snags and lex, way back when it was about writing for the love of writing. i would say all the time “omg dream is so funny” “omg k is cracking me up”, and they’d agree. hell if they’re at all in the rpc anymore and see this - hey guys! sorry shit got so ugly. you’ll never guess who was behind it.

i left the rpc and got mental help. i hope ye can get some help too.

* this is dream bringing sel into the Issues and tying her directly to k, btw. you keep saying you didn’t bring sel into the k stuff, but “they’re besties” “she and sel” “they want peach to drop eddie so sel can pick up eddie” this is where we’re getting that from, bc you keep saying you only referenced sel’s activity and didn’t connect her to k at all. i cropped out sids response. i can add it if need be but it’s just sid believing you.

this is where i’m pulling what im referencing in this post from. the second half is censored bc it doesn’t have to do with me.

this is me texting my irl work manager on the day sid and i last spoke. i was distraught and emotional and crying but ok yeah i “heavily hate” sid when the way everything went down broke me to bits OKAYYY

the censored names are the names of my irl managers like it was So Serious so don’t try putting words in my mouth about sid.

[reversecreek]

welcome to marina, WILLA DENEURVE ( woman, she/her ) ! they are a TWENTY-EIGHT year old who has lived on the island for TWO MONTHS. word on the street is they’re currently living in HYLAND PARK and works as an ACTRESS. everyone also says they look a lot like ASHLEY MOORE. what do you think?

PINTEREST

“Her voice was trained, supple as leather, precise as a knife-thrower’s blade. Singing or talking, it had the same graceful quality, and an accent I thought at first was English, but then realized was the old-fashioned American of a thirties movie, a person who could get away with saying “grand”. Too classic, they told her when she went out on auditions. It didn’t mean old. It meant too beautiful for the times.” — Janet Fitch, White Oleander.

HISTORY:

willa ws born to honestly like….. the perfect family not to honk my own tit bt……………. they were jst rly quite wholesome. her mum celeste was this larger than life person who could never b contained by the four walls of any room she was in. she hd the presence of a gold glitter chess piece on an otherwise mundane wooden board. her dad marlon used to always joke that he had absolutely NO idea how he landed her bc he was just this like. rly average guy by all accounts n purposes….. blended into the sea in high skl……. had a few close friends but was never rly Notable or made a proper impression anywhere…… he always retold it as him coasting thru life until he met her in college. kind of like he’d been half awake before

willa always very much took after celeste…… there’s this one quote i remember reading that goes vaguely like “my mom and i would sit and listen to leonard cohen and joni mitchell lyrics together. from a young age i remember her being like “i’m playing this song and when it’s done i want u to tell me what’s happening in it” n she would give me a fake glass of wine when i was 8 and i would listen and b like. i think there was an affair.” which so much summarises their dynamic…… she ws just so like. dramatic n fun n always encouraged that in willa too. her mum was like. everything she aspired to be…… got scouted by a modelling agency in college n shot one campaign before blowing it off simply bc she was bored. starred lead in a play. spent a few weeks travelling asia selling handmade candles shaped like koi fish or curled up foxes or elegantly stretched hands. dated a parisian movie star during a break she and her father took n was featured in tabloids on his arm at the premiere. sm fun n exotic stories willa literally cldn’t get enough. whenever she’d tell them to willa as a kid her dad wld roll his eyes like ohhhhh here she goes again but it’d all b playful n he’d smile bc he honestly cldn’t get enough either. the stuff dreams are made of luv (lizzie mcguire stans rise)

(car accident & death tw) so u know when ur walking down a flight of stairs n then out of nowhere u miss a step n u get that lurch in ur stomach like ur in free fall? yeah. i won’t go into it too much but one night they were driving back from getting frozen yogurt and then suddenly they weren’t. she doesn’t rly remember much about it except for completely ignoring the doctors trying to give her the news and just saying “dad chose pecan. who chooses pecan?” n repeating that over n over n over until it didn’t rly register in her ears as english any more.

willa was uprooted from marina at 11 to go n live w her aunt in NY. this was like. a huge adjustment honestly….. her aunt blanche hd always been a little unconventional bt extremely glamorous. she lived in an old defunct theatre she’d bought out n came from a lot of money. willa’s mum’s side of the family hd always been well off bt celeste opted to live a little more Ordinarily shall we say after settling whereas blanche ws jst balls to the walls dripping w eccentric excess…. wld say she was never naked bc she ws always wearing black opium by yves saint laurent…… probably the living embodiment of la vie boheme….. she’d been admitted a yr early to a rly prestigious parisian design school n is an AMAZING seamstress. a corset she stitched a broadway star into got commissioned fr an actress’ red carpet walk at an indie film festival. rly just lived such a life rich w lots of stories n lots of talent too…… had that star quality essence tht her mum had n that was smthn willa found quite comforting everything considered.

(grief tw) u would think maybe a situation like this (one involving so much sudden change) wld cause a kid of tht age to withdraw into her shell bt willa only came out of her shell MORE. she coped w her situation by spinning it into a celebrity origin story inside her head. the tear jerker tale someone tells during their x factor audition to get the judges rooting for them. mentally streamlining things. repackaging all that hurt as a surefire ticket to success bc it had to be useful for something right? there had to b a point to it right? willa decided the point was she’s a star. KFHSGKFHGFKHGKJSFHG. get it girl….. she ws literally just like ok well clearly i’m destined to be famous n i’m the main character of this story. this story called earth. it’s all about me.

rly heavily immersed herself in her high skl theatre scene……. loved experimenting w fashion n literally wore the most outlandish things like. she treated the hallways like her milan f/w debut every new school yr…… a lot of the things she wore were actual like. costumes frm her aunt’s collection…… she has a multi-story closet u have to climb ladders to reach things in like a very rustic library…. it rly wasn’t uncommon for willa to turn up one day corsetted like a pirate with billowing sleeves or sporting the baby blue gingham of a swedish milk maid. it’s like she literally jst…… became a role. always. every day. the world ws her stage. the cameras were always rolling. her aunt only encouraged this tbh n honestly? icon. we love to see it. willa partied a bunch n rly lived a lax lifestyle where responsibility was concerned…. her aunt ws her best friend…… made rly gd friends with performers in the drag club scene n loved the glitz of that….. lots of wild nights turned grossly bright mornings

snagged an agent fresh into her first yr of college (she gt accepted to a pretty competitive theatre program at [redacted] in NY bc i haven’t looked into what that wld be yet <3 i’m merely a helpless british lass <3) n booked a few commercials n things….. when i say willa wld enter audition rooms like she owned the place i’m rly not exaggerating…. once she turned up to a casting call for MEN n just walked right to the front of the line scraping a random chair along the way n then took a seat w her legs crossed popping a bubble in her gum as they all glared at her like wtf is literally going on who are u. she received several complaints n she was just like “ur all acting so jealous of me….”

i feel like she got a pretty big role in a theatre production in her last yr at school. haven’t decided what yet. maybe smthn rocky horror or even mimi in rent. this was meant to b some like huge moment for willa like yes girl finally making it ur on ur way this is what u wanted n she WAS happy abt it but once it was wrapped she jst had this strange like Huh feeling in her chest……. n a la celeste w all her exciting stories was just like well i’ve done that so what’s next?

SO basically i feel like she finally moved back to marina a few months ago n lives in the big empty house in hyland park tht used to belong to her parents. she inherited it n never sold it. it's kind of eerie n weird n like a giant frozen shrine. she hd a brief stint starring on a reality tv show beforehand where her dog gained a handful of fan accounts dedicated to him……. u maybe will see why in the first bullet point of her personality section………… FKGHKSHFGGKFSHKHG. honestly she ws received pretty well too (mostly bc she’s so fking dramatic n like a caricature of a person) bt it wasn’t anything to warrant actual Fame (despite what willa herself might think). she’s mostly jst like. chilling honestly. accepting scripts n flying out fr auditions still. she’ll nab the occasional part bt she’s looking for that One Thing that rly feels like her big moment….. otherwise i cn just imagine her treating marina like a little dollhouse compared to the roaring mansion of NYC n having fun playing around in it. strikes a pose w a hand on my hip…. and now to personality.

PERSONALITY:

got a very large n lithe greyhound n named him marlene dietrich bc she was a black n white hollywood starlet famously known for her affairs n “bedroom eyes”. willa was like ugh. icon status instantly. didn’t rly foresee the responsibilities tht came w owning a dog tht loves exercise n complains abt him being like “ugh he wants to run soooooooooo much 🙄 like where are u literally going”. having said tht loves him dearly n he can often be seen wearing little clothes. a baby’s bonnet. a quilted leather waistcoat. a custom dog boa. he’s very glamorous. willa calls him a gay icon despite no evidence to support this theory. she also says he can sniff out evil in ppl so she brings him sometimes when she’s first introduced to a friend’s new bf n if his nose quivers a certain way she’s like “marlene has spoken. it’s done”. her friends r like omg? what’s done? willa gets up n walks away without elaborating. marlene’s little paws clicking along the floor w attitude.

literally dressed as marie antoinette for her high skl prom even tho there was no theme pertaining to this. jst loves the spotlight. can fake cry and WILL to get out of a parking ticket or teach someone to watch their tone or even simply for the theatrics of it all. the Most dramatic………….. rly fits being an actress like when people find out what she does it’s very like oh that makes sense.

says she doesn’t get hangovers. she’s just like “i revoked that it doesn’t happen to me”. alludes tht this is bc she’s an all powerful deity that was Chosen to be Blessed bt really she���s jst great at bouncing back n acting fine even w a blistering headache. it’s about believing the performance so much that u even convince urself.

has an extremely elevated sense of self importance bc this is kind of the equivalent of several layers of bubble wrap to cushion her frm the world. strives to b extraordinary bc ordinary honestly feels like a death sentence n there’s nothing she’d want to b seen as less. despite this weight she puts on that she rly doesn’t tend to let ppl’s opinions affect fr the most part like she’s quite firmly set in this I’m Literally The Most Gorgeous And Beautiful Angel Star Creature To Walk This Narsty Little Earth view

probably an incredibly big fan of dramatic short lived love affairs. she wants the glamour of it all. the scandal. the randomly breaking up w someone in a public place n sliding on sunglasses after delivering the words over a freshly ordered coffee (tht she’ll leave without drinking bc that’s star power babey she waits fr no man or no hot beverage)…….. has no preference gets w any n all regardless of gender……… romanticises things so they hv a better spin or story in her head n doesn’t rly take things seriously like jst has fun in her fantasy world…. she’s like ugh chuck i know u wanted to marry me but i’m a beautiful bird in a cage n u literally need to undo the latch n set me free……. the guy’s like……. my name’s chase n we’ve only been on two dates….. willa’s like…… please don’t take this so hard i can tell ur besides urself but people r starting to stare……. gets up n leaves. no-one was staring. chase is confused n honestly probably semi concerned fr her welfare.

always has to b the hottest n most glamorous person in a grocery store…. probably goes to them when she doesn’t even need anything jst holding a basket nonchalantly over her forearm glancing over at a cashier in her wizard of oz corset seamed interpretation on a dorothy dress thinking he wants me soooo bad it’s not even funny….. seduces him over the check out counter jst for him to ask her to come back to his so she can lean back scandalised n cry “IS THAT THE KIND OF WOMAN U THINK I AM, PAUL?! YOU’RE A GHASTLY LITTLE MAN, YOU ARE….” with all the gusto of a telenovela. attracts the shocked glances of all surrounding elderly.

speaks fluent french. probably on her brief stint on tht reality show i mentioned earlier was like “ugh can you believe Deneurve of this guy?” n in her head was like this catchphrase is sensational it’ll catch on fast the twittersphere is abt to implode but it didn’t become a thing except for in a small isolated community. despite this she’s like “yeah it went viral….. go figure. just another day in the life.”

honestly like a lot of fun bt also a huge handful at the same time. keeps her real Serious emotions in a locked box bt is always overflowing w melodramatics n rly giving her all at the drop of a hat where Performing is concerned. probably Loves parties n sees them as another form of production in which she wants to b the lead. rly just. loves herself. except does she? 🤔 lifts my hand up like rihanna n winks. find out next time. lucky by britney plays as i slowly disintegrate in spiderman rp…..

[saetoru]

Hi again tee I’m the same anon who was asking about school! Thanks for answering

And what a coincidence I have a similar college story! I was in nursing, wanted to be an arnp, then I got into my first clinicals and immediately realized it wasn’t for me when I had a pt’s toe fall off in my hand 🤢

I was like no no nope this is not worth it and switched to public health. This was in 2019… a very interesting time to be starting in public health lmao. And now I work as a part of a research team in a cancer unit! I study bone and blood cancers which is super cool! And I’ve had 0 toes fall of in my hand 😎

So I totally feel you on not wanting to be in direct patient care. I’m glad you figured it out and changed programs instead of just toughing it out. Way too many people do that and end up miserable.

Also I appreciate your ramblings lol!

OMG TWINS HDJAHD but honestly research sounds so dope i love being in lab like med micro was my favvvvv class ever in high school and i think i’m gonna squeeze it into a sem now in college too just for fun even tho i don’t need it for my degree. i’m glad you found something ur interested in !! bc a LOT of ppl tough it out and then it’s sooo hard to go back and then ur stuck miserable 😭 also the toe story made me snort bc the first time my friend worked a night at the hospital this one girls finger was dangling literally by like a millimeter according to her and she was so traumatized on the phone i was like 😭😭😭 listening to her cry ab it as she drove home SOBS

i was looking into being a primary care physician but honestly i have like 4 ppl close to me in med school right now and i hear about their life every day and it just … seems so miserable for me — not saying it’s a miserable choice in general so if ur in med school don’t come at me like “actually i love it” (ppl get so mad at me on here for lil things so i always have to preface 😭) but yeah like i just knew it wasn’t for me bc i wasn’t as passionate about providing care as i thought i was so i was literally a zombie trying to find the motivation to do the 273736 hours worth of things lmao

my friend is in nursing school and she tells me about the patients she deals with and how she has to be polite and not take let them get to her all while she does the gruesome hospital stuff and i’m like 🥲 this sounds like not something i can do bc knowing me i’ll snap back in 2 seconds NDJAJD i mean i’ve worked in retail so i definitely know not to snap back but i think under the stress of a hospital setting it’s very different and i would not have it in me to keep my cool. but yeah it was literally so devastating when i realized my personality and passions didn’t rly align w being in direct patient care bc i’ve been preparing for applying to med school since like early hs u know ?? i was like 🥲 how do i tell my parents i do not have life figured out it seems 🥲 and then i was like wow all my life i’ve been focused on healthcare now what ?? i literally know nothing else and then boom i took a healthcare management class and i was THRIVING i was like yea this is it this is for me the business side of healthcare is where it’s at 💀 and now i’m here and i’m very much at peace

[justalia]

okayyy so i’m boutta just vent tbh and i’m asking for advice. i’ve been a little lost so i might ask other accs lol. basically i’m 17 and i was in a relationship with this kid for a year. we were on and off but we never broke up for more than a week. i knew abt the law of assumption so i used that to my advantage everytime we broke up. this time when we broke up in april it didn’t work…. i learned from sammy that all you have to do is affirm and persist and i did that all the time. well now it’s may and lemme tell you, i don’t have that man 😐. now that we’ve been broken up he’s actually been a whore. yk that is my fault bc that was definitely my assumption. i told myself he’s a whore and he’s gonna be one and that he doesn’t care which showed up in my 3d. he had volleyball season and he asked for girls snaps and literally went to six flags with one of this girls. then he constantly is being a whore, flirting with girls who i hate (and he knows) 24/7. i applied states to this once because i see them every single day in class and it worked but then 10 minutes later it was different. i’ve been in a relationship before him too and i definitely want a boyfriend but idk if i should go with him again. if i don’t choose to manifest him again, i want that man obsessed with me for the rest of his life… i’m genuinely such a possessive and jealous person and he knows that bc he is too so the stuff he’s done….if we got back together i would need him on his knees crying and begging for me back. dude has me blocked rn tho…and you guys recommend to go straight to the end. but i want that man crying like a little baby apologizing at my house with flowers and shit. like would that still happen if i went straight to the end of me and him getting back together? idk if i want to manifest him or my dream dream man. i think i’m still attached. i just want him to apologize and shit and then after revise all of it. he’s always been a good bf tbh so this rly all started to happen once i assumed he didn’t gaf. but that man gave me princess treatment. and i love his family and his home. and he’s always being cute and taking me out and stuff but after all that he’s doneeeee??? idk. either way i still want him to be sobbing on his knees telling me how miserable he is without me but can that really happen if i just go straight to the end? bc i don’t see him as the type to cry. he only started acting like a bitch once we broke up. i see him as the person with a bunch of ego. and i’m using the distraction technique.

girl-

if you want a relationship w that man you need to forgive him for what he has done OUTSIDE of the relationship BASED ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS!!! how the fuck can you be so mad at him when you recognize he is only acting like that bc you assumed he would? how is that his fault? why are you mad he’s simply enjoying his single life instead of being miserable for the breakup when you literally decided that’s how he was gonna act? makes no sense if you ask me. you can’t desire an healthy relationship and want the person to be miserable for you just bc they are not as sad as you over the breakup (bc you assumed it) 💀

you’re the only one deciding your 3D hasn’t changed by taking it as fact and looking at it through your state of lack. if you say you switched state and saw movement right away and then got mad bc you didn’t get more were you really in the state of the wish fulfilled?? be honest w yourself. you can approach this manifestation by going to the end only after you have let out all your feelings of jealousy and resentment towards him, if you truly want a relationship w him and want it to last you need to forgive that man bc he was only acting according to your assumption. that’s all other people are able to do, mirror your assumptions.

you can decide to manifest your dream man by deciding his traits and giving them to your sp, you still seeing your sp as not your dream partner is keeping you tied to your current circumstances and not allowing him to show up in the way you want him to. again other people are just messangers of your assumptions.

you’re imagining to get instead of just imagining to be. imagination is the only reality and all you will ever be able to experience. your sp could come back right the fuck now and according to your current state you probably wouldn’t even believe a word coming out from his mouth and would dismiss him. bc again we are only ever experiencing imagination.

if you love someone why would you want him to cry? bc you are miserable over this and he isn’t? why would that be his fault? if you want to manifest him do it, if you prefer to move on do it but remember: other people are just reflecting your assumptions.

[mingiswow]

I posted 4,188 times in 2022

163 posts created (4%)

4,025 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jjaes

@letthehatersbark

@hyunjinz

@ohoshi

@dazzlingkai

I tagged 803 of my posts in 2022

#kpop - 69 posts

#bee.txt - 58 posts

#bee’s rant - 55 posts

#kpop x reader - 50 posts

#nct - 37 posts

#wrong place right time - 36 posts

#kpop scenarios - 36 posts

#nct 127 - 35 posts

#nct 127 headcanons - 33 posts

#nct smau - 33 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#jisung rly said today is the day to give lotta 3racha at night w hip cocked bin and knee brace chris and my trashboy in between.. god bless.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Boyfriend!Changbin

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Oof

Kay

Not ready but here we go

Changbin is S O F T

he just tries to be dark and we all know that

but he is a soft human being and you can’t tell me otherwise

and we go cliche all over again

coffee bf

yeah

so you work at a small coffee shop near jype building

and he went there once because he wanted something new

and boy got in love not only with the coffee but you

he could buy his coffee at the jype cafeteria? yes

would save him money? yes

but would he see you? no

so you can imagine what he chose

so every day he would go there and order his usual iced coffee

and engage in some conversation with you

and within time he would get to know you better

until someday you actually asked him out

to his surprise bc you did first

but obv he said yes

and that how it goes

ngl the boys joke around with him because he gets all giggly and stupid in love whenever he talks about you

no

whenever he thinks about you

I feel like he wouldn’t care if you were older or younger than him

but he would really like it if you were older than him

See the full post

253 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#4

Summary: you worked really hard for that, and you finally were accepted as an exchange student at Neo Culture Institute of Technology. But, for some reason, the system crashed and put you into an all-boys dorm.

Pairing: Johnny Suh x female reader

Warnings: curse words, suggestive themes, mentions of alcohol use, mentions of food, mentions of cheating (if I forgot anything let me know)

Status: completed

⚠️ this is a fictional piece, the characters and their behaviors are purely fictional and DO NOT represent their actual personalities

⚠️ There will be quite a few written chapters because I love them

⚠️ English is not my first language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake

⚠️ I didn’t realize that Haechan’s name was wrong halfway through the story being written so please pretend is right lol

⚠️ Time, days and other dates don't matter to the story

⚠️ I tried my best to make it as inclusive as possible so everyone can enjoy the story

See the full post

325 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#3

Boyfriend!Hyunjin

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Thx to the anon who requested Hyunjin's version 💖💖

ok listen to me very carefully:

he gets wiped really easily

He believes in love at first sight for sure

which is kinda what happened with you

you’ll be with your friends at one of those open karaoke things

idk man i don’t have karaoke where I live

and then he saw you enjoying yourself and having fun

he let out a little giggle and you saw him standing there looking at you

then you started to sing to him as a joke

and boy oh boy

he liked your attitude

he really likes confident people

but if you’re not, i’m sure he’ll fall for your personality

he’s not the one to care about looks

so back with the meeting thing

after you went back to your table with your friends he kept looking at you

But was too afraid to do something lmao

So he just sent a drink with a little note asking for your number

which you obviously gave to him

And the rest is story

like I said baby boy gets attached really fast

so expect him wanting to spend a lot of time with you

he’s not big on pda

especially in front of the boys

he gets all shy and flustered

but when you guys are alone he has you always on his lap

and if you’re bigger than him, he’ll be on your lap

See the full post

425 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#2

Boyfriend!Lee Know

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

ah… our mischievous cat boy

ok, it’s hard for me to read him ngl

he comes off as very cold sometimes but then he’ll become the softest

anywho

I feel like baby boy lee know is hard to conquer

so it took a lot for you to win his heart

but when you do,,,, oof prepare yourself

I feel like you’d catch his eye while working

You were one of the staff at the tv station where he mc’s

and he saw how hard you’d work, making sure everything was right

running from side to side checking on everyone without losing your smile and your sympathy

don’t tell him but he fell for your smile

so seeing you every week and slowly interacting with each other made him grow fond of you

and after discussing to himself if he should or not he asked you out

you were quite shocked but said yes nonetheless

after all, you ain’t dumb and he is a gorgeous human being

let’s be honest here: he LOVES to show you off to the boys

you are his precious girl and he is the lucky man to be with you

“you’re so annoying after you started going out with y/n”

“annoying because you’re single and lonely”

proud proud proud boyfriend

he is your biggest supporter

will always be there for you

I think he’ll make it big when asking you to be his girlfriend

not like flash mob and public stuff hell no

I’m talking more like fancy dinner on a rooftop just for the two of you

soft music on the bg and shit

Minho is not much fond of pda

See the full post

445 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Boyfriend!Bang Chan

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Chan is my bias so y’all better buckle up

You guys met through mutual friends

Nothing oh my god

I feel like it would pretty normal lol

Like, your friend invite you to some of his get-togethers and Chan was there

You started to talk because you were in the same little circle of people

And you noticed you had a lot in common

Especially when it came to cultural taste

So you spend the whole night drinking and talking about music, movies, and books

You barely noticed the time now that you both were getting really tipsy

Ending up sleeping on the couch of your friend house cuddled to each other

When you woke up the next morning you guys exchanged numbers

And kept talking every day

He even asked for music recommendations to play in Chan’s room

You started meeting each other in his studio for helping him and the other boys with music

You didn’t even realize but when you saw you two were acting like a couple

“I think we should make it official”

“What?”

“Our relationship”

So that’s how you became a couple

I feel like Chan would be a very relaxed boyfriend

He already stresses himself so much with the whole idol thing

So he just wants to enjoy you and your relationship

In the beginning, he’s not going to push you into PDA

especially around the boys

but a few months into the relationship the boy won’t leave your side

ngl the boys will act a little jealous

but because they love their leader and want them happy

See the full post

788 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[menalez]

Peak story time please!!!

What was the first thing that peaked you, and when did you peak (not just specifically “peak trans,” but anything “peak patriarchy”)?

okay so in terms of like “peak patriarchy” tbh it’s hard to pick one moment. i grew up in a pretty patriarchal society & country. i was already pretty sick of it from a young age bc i was basically getting called a whore, being harassed, & getting pressured by ppl within my society (luckily not my family) over me not wearing the hijab. when i was in my early teens, i faced rape & most ppl i had opened up to (most being close friends) either said it was my fault or called me a liar or basically minimised what my rapist did like it’s not a big deal to rape someone. again, was called a whore & harassed for that. then i had this one guy as a remaining friend & lucky me, happens to be a guy who had a crush on me for 4 years at this point & was persistent despite repeated rejection. eventually i felt bad and powerless bc rejecting him didn’t mean anything to him, he was arguing im “still his girlfriend” (when i said im not with him & do not want to be) and he said maybe to ME we rnt together but to him we r. anyways after putting up with that for a while, i ended it for the 50th time & he said “is it bc ur a lesbian” and i said yes. 6 months later he sends me flowers to my place in bahrain (his brother delivers it to me) & i was like wtf. so i had to end it again. and again. by that point i was pretty fed up honestly but eventually i got him to leave me alone bc he said like “stay pls maybe i can change your mind ;(“ and i said he cannot and then said if my mind changes ill hit him up. i already knew my mind wouldn’t be changed lol bc i tried not to be a lesbian for long enough to know it’s just not possible. but at least that somehow convinced him to leave me alone. but then when i was done w that situation & opened up about being a lesbian online, i got repeatedly hassled on whether id date a trans woman etc & about penises. i was a tra and was like no unm id totally date a trans woman but not with a penis bc im penis-repulsed. and ofc then i got hassled w messages like “isnt that terfy / transphobic” so at this point im like what the fuck. here’s where i started to peak. anyways like a year or two later i have my first gf right and she’s a massive TRA. im still leaning towards the TRA side but talking vocally about how sex exists & so does sex-based oppression & that lesbians are allowed not to like penis. anyways my then-gf pressures me into an open relationship & says it’s bc my body is like “too perfect” & it makes her insecure and she hates her body etc. she says that she was told that polyamory can help solve her body image issues & was convincing me of how it’d work. i was skeptical and not for having an open relationship but like how can u say no to someone u love telling u that ur the reason for their insecurities & that u can help them simply by letting them fuck other ppl??? so i was like okay fine. immediately my ex dates like 3 other ppl at once, 1 of them being a trans woman. i was against this n was like how’s this meant to help w ur body image issues … this person literally has a penis and a completely body from u… n my ex was tryna convince me that it does help somehow. anyways the trans woman wants desperately for us to become a throuple. writin detailed fantasies about me to my then-gf, made a Facebook profile set in bahrain with an arabic name with a hentai profile pic, etc. eventually my ex says “oh but i don’t think she’d be into that, she’s penis repulsed” and the tw goes all :( aw what a shame :( i hope she gets help for this :( and my ex agrees. my ex then tells me about this non-chalantly. im like erm ok… then a week later i text my ex and i say that the whole thing rly upset me. they both then proceed to gaslight me that im crazy & it’s not like that & im such a misandrist & i should be able to love trans women bc they’re women and what’s in their pants doesn’t matter. my ex switches between telling me that i should undergo some genital “exposure therapy” and telling me such therapies aren’t useful so it’s not like they want me to go there. i stand down eventually. probs peak trans there

[icharchivist]

hey icha! back again w/ a3 Thoughts, lol. this will be short as its just abt into the night! i was so confused at first bc i was like is this an ALL MEMBERS event but then after they split into teams i felt much more normal abt it lol... anyways the clothing store f&f. i wondered if thats supposed to be like, h&m but i was thinking like. what are the possibilities of what each f stands for... fashion fur flawless fabulous frills forever theres a whole lot of things. but i think the funniest option for me is that f&f stands for 4 and 5 and nobody knows why. im glad we got to follow the group we did but i would love to have just. seen a birds eye view of the masumi group because sakuya taichi and kazunari in one and sakuya running after him... it is funny to me. also im obsessed with yuki being part of running the punishment. sakyo you are letting this fourteen year old run WILD. anyways loved the part before they got in costume where yuki was like "ya they were gone a while ago. i didn’t say anything tho." *points affectionately at him* middle schooler. i was also pleasantly surprised the main cg was banri and yuki? like, i was totally expecting itaru to feature and perhaps get in a conflict with yuki but this was actually a really subdued event! that felt really fresh to me, that it didnt like escalate into heavy drama or anything. also the cg was soooo cute. like banri and yuki smiling!! having fun!!! i also really liked that it was banri to give yuki advice since hes not even that much older than yuki so it makes it like, More Meaningful. the way in highschool the people i was friends with who were one or two years older than me did sooooo much to help me figure out applications to university! uhhh other notes i had... the part where izumi decides the theme was 'pet shop' while staring at tsuzuru and yuki was hilarious. its like. the event itself pauses for a long enough time that i was staring at yuki and tsuzuru and it really felt like a horror movie zoom even before izumi announced the theme. again i also liked that none of the acting challenges posed a problem! like there wasnt any huge conflict going on just a bunch of little things and that was a rly cool vibe. the aaron guy who challenged them,, hes funny. he gives me "was a chuuni" vibes but then again theatre kids are just Like That so maybe he's just accurate rep yknow. also itaru's alex in wonderland outfit complements his eyes sooooo well for real. homare lending azuma marshmellows to coax hisoka for the duration of the event is so funny. them specifially worrying about a marshmellow scarcity also makes me laugh. like... im just sitting there like. do u think homare sat down and calculated like "hm... this is probably how many marshmallows they need" i want to know how this went. also while the no signal is realistic i cant beleive banri and itaru had to sit down while playing. like sorry if im built different but i always play gacha games while walking. also i do want to say at the end while they were talking abt while tenma was last i was like "bet he got scared of the forest/a ghost and ran" and then they were like shitty sense of direction but later misumi said he was scared of the forest and i felt so vindicated. anyways i liked that itaru takes them to f&f at the end! thats the power of a working adult huh... it did make me think tho like. does yuki approve of banris fashion choices. bc they are Choices.

HEYAA!! welcome back :D a pleasure to see you back again!!

Oh man i LOVE Into the Night, i'm glad you got to reach it! usually events do tend to always limit the charas to focus on, imagine having to follow all of them. I mean i kinda wish we knew what happened with everyone but…

(obvs under the cut bc the whole ask got long, and also i gushed a bit about Into the Night bc i love this event)

and omg your brain fr f&f. I'm sure Fashion is one of them for sure. THOUGH I DO LOVE THE 4 AND 5 JUST TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE LMAO.

Masumi's group does seem to have been pretty funny. Just 3 sunshine boys trying their damnest to keep the broody one in place for more than 5minutes. I imagine them always having a big smile planing their play and then suddenly being "wait where did Masumi go OH NO". Plus, cat Sakuya and cat Kazunari together.

I also ADORE Yuki being part of the running punishment, the Yakuza really just saw a middle schooler and went "wait this guy can be my assistant in punishment" and he was right. It's esp another layer of funny considering how much Sakyo is always fighting him about the budget for their costumes, so he both knows that Yuki is restless when he prepares quality stuff, and, while he's so stingy about spending money, just went "listen i'll give you any money you want for the most high quality ridiculous costumes you can put anyone in" and Yuki just couldn't let the once-in-a-lifetime situation run away from him. Those two are a deadly duo.

dFDKJFLD Yuki is SO funny i love him so much.

And yeah omg this event really was low on drama but i did love the themes it explores and the dynamic they decided to have shine. Banri and Yuki probably have one of my favorite friendship in the story because of this specific event. (and their CG is SO CUTE i’ll never be over it i love it SO much, probably one of my fav event CG of all time)

The idea of Banri, who said himself he had a hard time understanding why people were struggling with anything, who generally doesn't really plan ahead or gets excited about anything about the future…. ended up not only doing the effort to understand Yuki (and, ever since Banri has been doing theater he's much better at understanding people's struggle anyway), but also have Yuki's drive and passion inspires HIM, the guy who never had any to start with… it makes me so emo. Yuki usually keeps his worries for himself so it was so nice to see this upperclassman whom Yuki actually respects (in a way), recognizes Yuki's strength completely unprompted and tell him that he'll always be here to cheer for him, and that he was inspired to be serious about what he loves because of him… it means SO much to me.

It brings me back also to how Banri is a fashionista (i know we judge him with western standards but from what i figured doing some researches he's apparently on top of fashion regarding Japanese trends. I have a friend, who knows a lot more about Japan's day to day life, who upon hearing that people clowned Banri for his fashion, reacted to me going "i've seen so many people in Shibuya with his exact clothes what"). For a Japanese audience at least it is supposed to be implied Banri has a good eye for fashion and Yuki is responsive to it.

Anyway i also bring it up bc remember how in the Autumn Chapter when Taichi destroyed all of Yuki's costumes, Banri gets very angry not because their show was ruined, but because "how DARE they attack YUKI'S HARDWORK". He gets upset on Yuki's behalf. And at this point they didn't exactly connect or anything, Banri was just fashionista enough to recognize Yuki was fantastic.

So after this event establish how much he respects Yuki and how he decided to protect him and encourage him i'm just… soft…. i genuinely love their dynamic so much.

Forever ago i've found a fanart on twitter (which mean i LOST IT and will NEVER RECOVER IT, Twitter lack of saving feater is my curse and burden) of Yuki, as an adult, preparing his first runaway as a fashion designer and getting nervous, until Banri comes in and puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles going "see i told you you'd get here. I'm so proud of you" and i'm crying in the club.

When i first started a3 i did have a really hard time to get into Banri's chara (which is a SHOCKER now considering he's very high on my top chara now), and by the end of Autumn i was just okay he's on thin ice but i'll be willing to listen to him. But Into the Night really was the event where he totally won me over. It really showcases his sweetness and willingness to help, especially the younger people in Mankai.

And it also speaks volumes about how now that he found a passion that really set his heart ablaze, he would do ANYTHING to protect this passion in the heart of people too. It showcases so much how Banri has grown and how much just finding a way to appreciate life and passion became so precious to him.

I have so much thoughts about this event in general it makes me teary.

I've also seen so many bad faith fandom takes back where shitting on Banri was the norm on tumblr (ie the reason i don't go in the tags) about Banri being a bully and would "probably be a bully to Yuki" and stuff like that and it would always enrage me in a "oh i BET you didn't read Into the Night." rage. Imagine being so wrong. So yeah this event means a LOT to me it's just so much.

But also as you say i think it's just so lovely to have just, healthy dynamic between "senpai and kohai" in a way, to really see how just having someone a couple years older than you guide you and help you… is really nice. Tho yeah Banri is just as guided by Yuki than Yuki is guided by Banri and i find it SO soft.

Yuki and his group of older teenagers who'd fight for his hope and dreams.

THE PET SHOP PART WAS SO FUNNY YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE HORROR MOVIE PATHING LMAO. Just Tsuzuru and Yuki slowly dying inside.

but yeah the event having such cool vibes was really soft. The "battle type" events are usually laid back that way, with a random guy NPC (though it's often Aaron) challenging to act off, bc this was the new mechanism of the gameplay itself, so it's really superfluous to the plot but still pretty funny. Aaron is definitely a bit Chuuni yes. Accurate theater nerd rep.

Itaru's costume is sOO good you're so right. Another Yuki wins in term of costume designs.

YEAH OMG THE MARSHMELLOW THING. It's so fucking funny. I can totally see Homare calculating it very carefully knowing exactly Hisoka's pace and stuff and giving just as needed and a little more. Meanwhile, Hisoka, like a cat he is, knows that without his usual owner he can pretends to be starved and never have eaten in hIS LIFE to get more. This is literally Homare getting a list of "here's what you need to feed my cat at each hours" to Azuma, while Hisoka is just "actually those doses are left to starve me by my unloving father. I am dying. I am knowing level of starvation no cats should ever go through save me". And Azuma who's just a good sports is just "aw but what's one more treats!" which makes him a very easy target to the cat starvation tactic.

This is the Homare/Hisoka/Azuma dynamic in a nutshell and this event shows it off.

Also i genuinely love in this event how Tsuzuru has to "big brother up" Hisoka, having to carry him around. this event really was "the teens are carrying the team and the adults are the most useless people you might run into". Azuma didn't even try and tbh i respect that about him so much, kings of knowing his limits.

(tbh there's something i can't mention there but there's something about Hisoka's future arc that made me return to this event and fucking yell during his bits. I will of course not say anything and it is probably vague enough. But i genuinely ended up crying rereading this event bc of that. "but Icha, you always cry when Hisoka is involved" MAYBE BUT SHUSH.)

Banri and Itaru sitting down for their games is really funny yes, tho i believe it's a mix of they've been walking all night and only have a little break so they're gonna rest as they can (esp Itaru who's not made for walking). And prob the fact they're afraid to lose their connection while walking. But else mood, playing gacha while walking ftw.

DLKFJKLDFJ THE FACT YOU NAILED DOWN WHY TENMA GOT LOST. PERFECT. I love how Misumi points it out, once again with how he's babying Tenma is just muah. Poor Tenma. It's so onbrand that it hurts.

And i LOVE that about Itaru too. I love that he felt genuinely guilty and could see how much Banri and Yuki worked for it. I think it also speaks volumes about Itaru in general becoming more and more of a team player while being a "solo player" for the longest time. Even there he realizes he dragged them down and he needs to amke it up to them.

But anyway back on your last comment, like i mentioned, Banri fits Japanese standards for the fashionista lmao, and everything else in game (from mini chat to backstage to coin talks) points to Yuki really liking Banri's style. There's one, i think Mini Chat? about how he thinks Banri always have a good eye for clothes and his advices is super valuable because of that.

So i know we all want to dunk on Banri but the friendship between Yuki and Banri is pure and sweet and Yuki genuinely thinks Banri is one of the most fashionable people in the company whom he can trust with shopping and fashion advice. We all have to live with it and if we insist on Banri's fashion sucking i'm afraid we also have to say the same of Yuki's because those two are bird of feathers.

Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts it makes me so happy <33 It's always a pleasure :3c

Hope you have a nice day <33

[magnoliamyrrh]

just in case i don’t want to talk abt this any more tw incest u could just delete this

horrific n downright wrong. i wanna say u n everyone else includin that anon did not deserve this n the collective u deserves so much more but i am so grateful seein people talk abt this. i was raised w the extreme pressure that my gen was goin to break the cycle of that type of abuse n i have to come to terms that we didn’t n that’s ok at least to me. it’s so hard to admit to n so impactful to say out loud but it’s what has to b done. it a type of trauma that’s been in my fam for many many yrs n i gaslight myself into believin that we broke it. i stayed in denial n tbh still am in denial bcuz it’s so hard to blame a fam member. esp for me a girl n a teenage girl at that. this isn’t always the universal reaction so there is no guilt if this isn’t the case or if it is but u still luv them no matter what they did it’s so hard to blame them. but sexual abuse is sexual abuse. i hope to god every day that when i have children that will b when the cycle is broken n it all stops but i will never put the verbal pressure on them the way my parents did. one of them was a victim of smthn v extreme so i do not blame them (there it is again) but it’s torture to feel like u let them down when u did nothin wrong. admitting is always the first step to healin. i’m so proud of u for talkin abt this n that anon n everyone else.

ya! i think even though its uncomfortable as hell and disturbing its important that we talk about it. thank you <3 im proud of everyone who pitched in too, and of you, thank u for sharing; its really not easy. i dont think this is the sort of thing we can heal from individually, you know? especially when its a cultural thing. theres so much shame and fear and repression surrounding this kind of stuff, and the only way were gonna heal from it is if, like u said, well start accepting it and talking about it

and yea youre right it is really hard. like my father crossed any possible line with what he did and he abuses his wife too and. i really just want him dead like i dont give a damn, i have to try to calm myself bc i get too focused sometimes on how much i actually want him to suffer. but even with him at times im like,,,, ,, eh but i still care abt him? i went through a whole phase where i felt like it was my responsabilites to help him or like heal him from how deranged he is lmao. but it doesnt last long. but with everyone else its different. (?) like. i realized like idk a year ago that uh yea my grandma did lowkey molest me and it actually made me feel fucking insane. i had no idea what do with it and i still dont?? and its fucked and definitely not ok but like...,,, we all pretend like its fine or just didnt happen i guess bc its,, normal? acceptable??? its weird as all hell, most of the time i just kinda try to not think abt it because i have no idea how to even feel abt the woman when i do. if anything as much as it definitely kinda fucked me up, im frankly way more pissed abt the physical abuse/beatings and endless insults and yelling and shit - like that actually probably did more damage to me. but still like idk yea i .. idk if i excuse it but i definitely explain it like oh she didnt know better etc etc etc. but that doesnt.. ugh it doesnt excuse it?? but i still love her and care for her?? its a fucking nightmare to try to detangle all that. and the shit w my mom too and other family members like uh yea it grosses me out and definitely got to me, this combination of being raised as property + controlling parents + sexualized + actually being whored out by father has k.o.d whatever mental sanity i could have had and it took me many years to.... idk. even start remotely working through all that. but. i still care abt them...?? i think the fact that its no longer happening and dont rly consider it on the same level as the shit w my dad makes it kinda different in my head but its still not fucking ok

and yea. definitely one of the hardest parts of it is being blamed for being uncomfortable/grossed out or even punished for being so when rly thats such a normal reaction to have to this shit. it is psychologically torturous and it is gaslighting and it rly fucks u up in the head..... and its really hard to get to the point where u dont feel like u did anything wrong or you werent to blame. i do presume that w this particular kind of shit tho a lot of it is that they probably went through similar stuff, internalized and repressed it, never dealt w it, and then just proceed to do the same

i hope to god too ill be different. i want to believe in both of us and this new generation that we'll do a better job. i think the fact that were even talking abt it shows some progress u kno. my mother and grandmother told me for many years that i wont do a better job than them and its just normal for kids to be raised w beatings and yelling and insults and controlling behavior and all that shit,,,, but. ive always been terrified of that. since i was little i knew if i ever had a kid i wouldnt want to put them through any of this. if i cant break the cycle id rather not raise a kid at all. at least for the past like year or two my mother has actually accepted that some of the shit she did wasnt okay and that she was abused by my grandmother too and..... apologized??? which was insane. so. idk. its been a long and weird fucking process. but. i dont think its hopeless

[adoringhaikyuu]

you flinch during an argument with them | 2

characters: iwaizumi + suna + (gn!reader)

request: is there anyway i could request some iwaizumi and suna? maybe the “you flinch during a fight” or “how you fight”? love your stuff ❤️❤️ • by anonymous

warnings: again, mentions/hints of abuse (bc of the flinching but nothing physical or abusive actually happens) + a hint of angst + suggestive things for suna’s

notes: thank u sm! i did the flinching one, hope that’s ok

part one | part two

iwaizumi:

iwaizumi loves you

like so much

and he cares about you like crazy

so that’s why most of the times when you argue it has something to do with your wellbeing––if you’re overworking yourself or not taking care of yourself

he worries tbh

and he can get v passionate in a sense

meaning he won’t let you just brush it aside, he’ll wanna talk about whatever it is and he can get frustrated if you won’t cooperate

he just wants you to be happy, healthy and safe!!

so let’s say it’s been several days that you hadn’t been sleeping like at all

for whatever reason

and it doesn’t seem like you plan on changing that any time soon

iwa would confront you about it,, gently

but the more you try to push it aside, the more frustrated he gets 

and when he get frustrated,, he yells 

his eyes widened as you flinched at the sound of his voice that was almost echoing off the walls of your living room. he froze, swallowing harshly as he watched you. “i––i’m sorry i...i shouldn’t have yelled.”

you looked down and wrapped your arms around yourself, a bit uncomfortable with the energy in the room. to be honest you felt bad and a little embarrassed that it had gotten this far, that your actions were affecting him so much. you didn’t like worrying him, it’s just that sometimes you lost track of time or valued other things more than sleep, or even your wellbeing in some cases. 

“yeah...” you mumbled, still not looking up. “but you’re right, i––i should take better care of myself.” you sighed, blinking a few times when you took notice of how heavy your eyes were, how it almost pained you to keep them open. “i didn’t mean to worry you. i’m sorry.”

he sighed softly, stepping closer to you. “can i?–” you nodded and he closed the space between you, wrapping his arms around you, leaning his head on yours. “i just want what’s best for you, sweetheart.” he kissed your temple and squeezed you tighter. “can you please come to bed with me?”

you nodded and he let out a breath of relief. “thank you. let’s go get some rest, okay?” 

suna:

suna is known for his lazy glare and his deadpan personality 

but you tended to be the exception to those things

he was kinda rly soft with you, putting you in his lap no matter who was around and not letting you get up bc he wanted to cuddle

he’d just glare at or ignore any comments people had to make 

but he had to make somewhat of an effort to stop himself from reacting the way he normally would sometimes, when he was with you

like the glaring, the silence, the snarky comments, the half-assing whatever he had to do

it’s not that he was mean,, he was just used to doing those things 

and he tried his best to keep them at bay when he was around you

cause he really did like you, even if he didn’t say it a lot

i feel like one day he’d just be in a bad mood

not really wanting to talk

and since he doesn’t tell you, you try to carry a conversation and ask him what’s up which only annoys him further

and he says something kinda rude, paired w an icy glare that makes you stop in your tracks and flinch

suna knew as soon as he spoke, he shouldn’t have said that. he didn’t mean to be rude to you, he just wasn’t in the mood. and he regretted the way he spoke as soon as he saw your reaction. of course to you, it didn’t seem like he cared since his face didn’t change in the slightest, but that wasn’t the case. 

he narrowed his eyes, now annoyed at himself and sighed, closing his eyes for a second before looking at you and taking a deep breath. “look i––i’m sorry.”

you scoffed at the insincere look on his face and moved to get up, done with this “conversation”. “yeah, right.” but before you could get far, a hand pulled you down and suddenly you were in suna’s lap. “hey–”

he brought a hand to cup your cheek and pressed his lips to yours without a second thought, which you embarrassingly welcomed immediately, sighing into the kiss, making him smirk. he slid his hand down to grasp your neck and pulled away after teasingly biting your lip. 

you brought your hand up to hold his wrist and slowly opened your eyes. you pouted but he was quick to swipe it away with his thumb. “i’m mad at you,” you mumbled. 

but he just raised a brow, “no you’re not.” you sighed and looked down, knowing he was right. no matter how annoying he was, you could never stay mad at him, at the end of the day, you knew he cared about you and would do anything for you. 

but you glanced back up at him when he went on, “but you should be.” you looked at him curiously as he looked around the room, moving his hands to hold your waist. “i shouldn’t have said that to you... i don’t deserve you, honestly.” you were about to argue when he looked into your eyes and you decided you’d let him talk. he rarely did, after all. 

“i’m a dick. i’m sorry.” 

you laughed at his blunt conclusion but smiled nonetheless, appreciating his efforts. you placed your hands on his cheeks and passed your thumbs over the faint blush coating his skin. “you are a dick, yeah.” you gave him a quick peck. “but you’re my dick.” 

“sweet.” he rolled his eyes and put his tongue in his cheek to stop the smile that was threatening to break free. “yeah, i’m yours.” he kissed you again and smirked. “and you’re mine.” 

you looked at him sternly, “but i won’t be if you don’t communicate with me, okay? that’s how a relationship works.” 

he nodded, “deal.” he licked his lips slowly as his eyes traced over your features, “you know i like it when you put me in my place––”

you rolled your eyes playfully. “shut up.”

he raised his brows, “how about you make me?”

he definitely got what he asked for. 

[meltwonu]

|     𝖓𝖊𝖔𝖓 𝖉𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒     |     CHAPTER 7

pairing; camboy!seokmin x female!reader

this chapter’s notes; camboy!au, university!au, camboy!seokmin, masturbation, side!readerxmingyu, dirty talk, degradation, hair pulling, there’s like one liners about daddy!kink/choking/blindfolds, hookups! AAHHH finally! CH 7! 😭💕 Omg the way this was supposed to be posted literally how many fuckin weeks ago LOOOL ☠️🥲 I also ended up splitting this chapter and making it shorter since I didn’t have much time to proofread, but ch 8 is long bc of that so dkfjskdh sorry in advance 🥴💕 Also I will be fixing my masterlists tonight and then just reblogging them tmr! Also will try to catch up on inbox msgs tmr too! I know I’m very behind on a lot of stuff, I’m rly just overwhelmed from the entirety of august lol 🥲🥲 But as always, thank you so so so so so so so much for your constant support 💕 Ya’ll mean so much to me 🥺 So enjoy ch 7, have a good rest of your day and I will see you tmr! I love you!! 💕💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - ?

*queued post. 

The two of you ace the paper, naturally.

Even when your professor told you that points would be docked for having to redo the paper.

‘I just can’t do that to my best student,’ she’d said - eyes glancing fondly at Seokmin as he sheepishly smiled back. ‘And it was a great paper. The two of you worked together fantastically!’

Seokmin could only blush when he got you alone after class; delicate fingertips nervously itching a spot on his cheek while you stood across from him picking at a loose thread on your sweater.

You nervously smiled back - only for a different reason than himself.

‘I’ll have to repay you somehow, it’s only fair! You did most of the work because of me!,’ he exclaimed, ‘How about we get dinner sometime? On me, of course!’

Visions of his sweet face smirking at you with lust pooling in his eyes are all you can see when you blink - but you agree, head nodding shakily as he’d laughed and readjusted his book-bag.

‘I’ll text you sometime soon then, so we can find a good time for the both of us? I have some things to deal with so it might not be for a while... But I’ll remember!’

‘Sounds good!’

And Seokmin can tell something’s off about you; ‘maybe she’s just tired today’, he thinks to himself, nodding when you smile shyly and start to make a move to leave before him.

‘I’ll see you later, okay, Seokmin? I gotta go... Uh, class and stuff, y’know?’

And you do see him later. Kind of.

‘Hey everyone, welcome back to my stream! If I’m being honest, I’ve been kind of wondering lately… Which pet names do you guys like me using? Let me know in the comments! I could use some feedback and ideas!’

Seokmin streams three times in one week - half because he really needs the cash and the other half because he’s been feeling somewhat on edge lately himself.

His workload for classes aren’t letting up, Jihoon’s only getting stricter with his lessons and the university’s production of Xcalibur is coming up and he’s crossing his fingers for the lead.

But in the midst of it all, he spends any free time trying to come up with ideas for live streams and the constant talking about sex whilst not even bothering to get off himself finally gets to him late one night when he’s tucked alone in bed with his thoughts.

‘Maybe I should go to one of Soonyoung’s parties next time and let off some steam… That might help...’ He tells himself; even if he’s generally not fond of them at all.

‘And then I could--’

“Oh! Mingyu! Mmh, fuck, your cock is so biiiiiiig~!”

Seokmin’s teeth grit in an instant - eyes darting to the wall that he shared with his next door neighbour. It wouldn’t be the first time, but at some point Seokmin had learned to tune it out - until just now when he couldn’t.

“Yeah? You like that? Fuck, your pussy is so fuckin’ tight around me, baby… I can’t even fit all of my cock inside…”

‘Not again…’ Flashbacks of almost walking into Jeonghan that one time making him groan.

Except this time, Seokmin chooses to indulge.

Because while he was smart enough to soundproof his room whenever he streamed - that didn’t mean his neighbours always did. 

‘Well, as long as Mingyu doesn’t find out...’ Grumbling, Seokmin turns onto his side facing away from the wall - hand palming himself over his sweats as he bites into his bottom lip.

‘Just a little bit… Just let me cum once and I’ll go to bed, I swear…’

And you’re not necessarily proud of it.

“Oh, god, p-please, harder! Need you to--to fuck me so, a-ah, so much harder!”

But the way Mingyu’s bed slams against the wall when he starts to thrust into you harder makes your eyes roll to the back of your head and forget that Seokmin lives just in the apartment next door and can probably hear the two of you, clear as day.

‘It’s not like he knows it’s me anyway...’

“Surprised you finally came around, baby~ Mm, what made you want me, hmm?” A cocky grin eases itself onto Mingyu’s lips as you fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“Nothin’ just… Heard from a friend of a friend that you were good in bed and wanted to see for myself~” You retort; nails digging into the skin of his back as he winces.

“And? Living up to your expectations, princess?” 

“Ngh, right n-now you’re at a--a 7 so...”

The smirk on Mingyu’s face slides clean off as he growls; nails digging into your skin as you moan. 

“Let’s see about that then, princess.”

Seokmin’s hand is slicked with precum and the metallic taste in his mouth from biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood make his head feel fuzzy. 

“Ah, f-fuck, right there! Fuck me harder there! Mmnh, feels so good when you p-pull on my hair~! I want it rough, p-please!”

“Fuck, your desperate ‘lil cunt is squeezing my cock so tight... You’re such a filthy ‘lil thing, aren’t you, baby? So fucking desperate for cock~ I’m gonna make you get on your knees and clean off my cock after I’m done fucking your pretty ‘lil cunt, okay?”

“Y-yes!”

Seokmin’s hand slides up and down his shaft - hips thrusting into his enclosed palm as he hides underneath his bedsheets, writhing with the urge to cum. 

‘Fuck, I’m so c-close... Just need to cum so bad...’ 

He can already imagine the position Mingyu’s in with the stranger - Mingyu fucking them from behind with his hands tangled in their hair as he pulls them towards his own body. 

And Seokmin’s mind races at the suggestions people had given him about the things they liked too - all of them suddenly making his mouth water at the thought of having someone pliant underneath him. 

‘I just want a daddy to put me in my place...’

‘I want to be blindfolded and be forced to cum over and over until I can’t take it...’

‘I want you to fuck me and use toys on me all night...’

‘I want you to choke me while you fuck my pussy hard...’

‘I wanna hear you praise me while you make a mess of me...’

A stuttered gasp falls from Seokmin’s lips as he tightens his grip around his cock - hand moving up and down his shaft twice as fast as he tries to race the stranger on the other side of the wall to an orgasm. 

“Mingyu, m-make me cum! I’m s-so close... My pussy feels so, mmh, f-fuckin’ full... B-but don’t cu--cum inside of, a-ah, me...” 

“Tsk, fine... I’m just gonna have to cum on that pretty face of yours then, okay, baby?” 

Seokmin’s mouth hangs agape as his wrist snaps faster; his head almost thrashing against his pillow as his toes curl and his entire body goes rigid when he tips over the edge and into an orgasm. 

‘Fucking finally...!’ He exclaims mentally - cum painting his hand and catching on his sweats and boxer briefs as he lets out a satisfied sigh while he rides out his high alone in his bed.

‘God, I need... Help.’

You don’t stay the night; not that you ever do when you have a hookup. 

Instead, you head home and take a long shower - massaging your scalp from where Mingyu tugged on your hair a little too hard and you take your time scrubbing away all the dried cum off of your skin. 

You weren’t necessarily crazy about hookups, but lately, you’d felt too on the edge to take care of it alone and listening to Dokyeom’s live streams had only made it harder for you to focus when you were too busy thinking about him and his voice all day.

‘God, the toys are only going to do so much... I really need to figure this out...’ You mentally sigh, ‘Should I stop listening to his stream? Maybe that would help...’

But the thought alone makes you a little sad - especially when it seemed like he was starting to stream more recently and was starting to find confidence in himself to do it.

‘Nah, I’ll just... Figure something out later. When I have more time.’

One New Message

1:54AM

From: Suggested: Lee Seokmin

‘Sorry for the late message, I couldn’t sleep 😅 But I’m free on Friday night if you wanted to get dinner still? I had plans but I think I’m gonna cancel them cuz I’m a little burnt out on creativity for my projects so... Yeah, just let me know! 😅 I know a great place in town! - Seokmin’

[choptop-sawyer]

Hi again 😎💫 im here to dig at ur brain again bcs i. M. Aaa sorry i just love ur stuff but. I have this kinda rly specific storyline type hc area and I'd love to hear any hcs you might get from it if its at all jr thing. But um I keep sometimes thinking back to the idea of kinda, vaguely growing up in the same area as the Sawyers, being childhood friends (and being stupid 2gether, running arount the countryside, ditching school & playing in corn fields) -

But then having to leave in your late teens to school / whatever (I mean 😎 my sappy ass also thinks abt mutual pining w Bobby but you know...... nearly unrelated.......)

Then, later on (Bobbys now Chop Top, Nubbins is..... dead I guess but also >:( maybe not, the family is up to being a mess etc) returning to town to take a break from work or whatever. N meeting up w the family again, i mean, oblivious to the bullshit they get up to but.... yk

This is a bit rambly i should probs have waited to sleep but I can't get the thought of returning to the Sawyer door wearing Bobbys tie dye sweatshirt that hr borrowed u years ago and all the impact of being a former family member bc u were also kind of an outsider or whatever but also the drama of leaving so uwu sksjd

This got so long. All i wanted to ask is: sawyer family headcanons for a childhood friend returning to town after being away for years. Rip.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS god I love the image too of just standing in the doorway,, you're not home, you've changed a little bit, but you still fit into some of the old aspects you know so well they fit you and cover you.

Actually this is great because that fic that I swear exists has pretty much the same premise but!!! I can make this one less tragic than that one. 😎

(This is mostly Chop Top n you centric please don't mind)

Also this timeline is all fucky. I think that as soon as Chop came home from Vietnam the Sawyers had basically uprooted themselves and were living in North Texas because of the... Hardesty incident. But like can we pretend that that never happened they r still there in Newt? Just for this. (Hope you like it!)

Chop Top's Childhood Friend Returns

You don't think you would have turned out the way you did without the Sawyers.

They were the main element of your childhood, a mystery that you had to be a part of. A mystery, because they were closed off. Mistrustful. The sickness of small towns carried to the extreme, because they were mostly alone. The loneliness made them more miserable, the misery made them more isolated. A cycle, a legacy.

So it was a a miracle that you were even allowed to be apart of some of it, but you attribute that miracle to Bobby.

He seemed to think you were as much of mystery as what you thought the Sawyers were. Two kids looking through a small window into another world. But he liked that. He liked that you were something different, something new. From beyond that small world of loneliness that lived in the house.

You learned quickly that he had a desire for anything beyond that world. So he'd invite you out with him, when you were kids, to run free in the tall grass, when you got older, to drive with him to places unknown. He had a knack for finding these odd places, and he always brought you along with the music cranked up loud on the radio.

Bobby told you many times that he wanted to see the world. He had this lust for life that went beyond the restlessness of the young. He also said that he wanted to bring you along with him when he saw the world. You didn't ever mention how that always made your heart skip a beat when he said that.

Maybe you should have. But the past is the past and you can't change that.

You knew the other Sawyers too, but Bobby tended to avoid them sometimes. But occasionally, you got to hang out with them.

Nubbins was an enigma. You didn't think Nubbins was his real name. But that's the only one you heard from him, but the name situation was the least confusing thing. He was the most open person you knew. And yet you couldn't understand him, and decided at some point that you wouldn't ever. But he was fun. His energy was infectious, if he was filled with joy, you couldn't help but laugh with him too. That was Nubbins, so absent of any purposeful deceit that he was almost a mirror, you saw yourself around him, sometimes it was uncomfortable, but other times it was fun.

Bubba was the opposite. He seemed to be legitimately wary of you. Bobby once told you that Bubba didn't like to leave the house, ever. He stayed and did the chores. You wondered if he minded, being stuck with all the chores but Bobby said he didn't. It was comforting for him. Always having something set to do. You only saw him once. Nubbins had made him tag along when he needed him to hang some things from a tree. Bones from indeterminate animals, a clock with a nail through it. You don't think Nubbins actually needed Bubba to reach the branches (he climbed pretty well) but he just wanted his little brother to see his work. Bubba didn't make eye contact with you the entire time. He was wholly focused on his task of helping Nubbins. But he was gentle when he helped his brother, careful, and for that you liked him.

Drayton was... well. He was the one Bobby argued with the most. He was his brother, but with how much age between the two, it was almost hard to believe sometimes. Drayton was the one that everybody in Newt knew the most. People liked him well enough, but they said he was odd behind his back. He knew that. You don't think he trusted anything outside the insular world he and his family had existed in for years, and was at odds with Bobby because he didn't get why Bobby wanted anything to do with the world outside.

Oftentimes you would see Bobby after he and Drayton got into it. He'd be fuming, but he'd smile when he saw you. You'd leave with him whenever he came to you. These adventures were the most fun you had when you were there.

The other times you'd go off were when he'd convince you to skip school. Bobby never went himself. He didn't get the idea of all those kids sitting in classrooms for hours, doing nothing but writing and listening. Why do that when you can find things out for yourself? Get into some trouble? In his mind, he was saving you from a very boring thing.

You two knew the area around Newt well. The fields and the flat expanses were the best kind of playground. Your dreams were still set in them. A kind of sunshine filled melancholy.

Bobby told you things in the grass. His dreams yes, but his own thoughts. On music, on late night radio, on movies, on you. He perhaps thought of you as wonderful as voices on the radio, stars on the screen. He never told you that though. But your name was never far from his mouth when Bobby talked about the things he loved.

You and him loved each other as much as two kids who didn't know how to could. He was always on your mind now, with not much tangible objects to remember him with. A photograph taken by Nubbins, your faces blurred because you were laughing. A button, the pin on the back bent. A sweatshirt, which he tie dyed himself, and gave to you one night. The colors were faded. You never did get to return it.

The years away did nothing to lessen thoughts of him. No, they just blurred all together now, and the stream of the sunshine filled melancholy was almost endless. You needed a break. There was only one place you could think of that could help you with that.

So you came back. All things led back to this place eventually. Newt was dying, or dead. Didn't you see somewhere that when a ship went down, it took everything with it? You didn't want to stay for long. But you had to see all of them, you had to know that they were all not these strange figures you had dreamt up.

You went right to the house. You'd never actually been allowed inside, Bobby just always said something along the lines of 'Grandma and Grandpa are napping upstairs' or 'there's a mess' (never mind that he could care less usually about messes.) But you figured he had had a good reason. Maybe he was embarrassed.

When you knocked on the door, your heart was pounding. And that was all. Nothing happened, no indication that anyone was there. You waited, the sweatshirt was too hot but you didn't want to take it off.

Maybe you should come back another time. You were just about to turn around and leave when the door burst open, almost whacking you in the face. And there (you couldn't believe your eyes you couldn't this was a dream) he was.

Bobby had a hammer raised over his head, grinning, he was poised to swing it down, but then he saw you and he felt as if he was in a dream too.

It's been so long. He thought he made you up, a dream to carry him through misery, and you looked the part, even as you stood before him on the doorway. The light of the setting sun shone behind you, heat waves shimmered in the dusk, and you... you.

Facing each other, you stood, just staring. Over head the sky grew colorful, in the fields the grass whispered in the wind. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Bobby dropped the hammer and grabbed for your face, and he held it, fingers digging in so tight it hurt.

"H-hey you." He said, and fell to his knees, releasing your face. You numbly touched the marks his fingers left. Bobby still looked like a man who had seen a ghost.

You called his name, and his eyes looked lost, like he hadn't heard it in a long time. He looked up at you, and you could really get a good look at him. His face was leaner, he looked sickly and wiry, but his eyes were just as you remembered. You sank down to the porch to sit with him.

"Fuck... FUCK I didn't... I- I thought ya'd forgotten all about me... uh.. uhm. Fuck! I mean, r-really! Turnin' up out of the blue like you're some kinda... ghost or whatever... WHOA man... like, ya here to return m-my, my sweatshirt? You're wearin' it, you can keep it! You look better in it anyway... heh, fuck." He rambled on and on, hands tensing and twitching as if they were moving to touch you again, just to reaffirm your existence. Did he know how glad you were to see him? Did he know that you hadn't felt right for the longest time being away?

You forgot all about the sweatshirt, the hammer he had raised with a sadistic grin. You reached out and held one of his twitching hands, and he stilled and stopped talking. There was a peace now.

It didn't seem possible for your heart to feel this full. But it was. And by god, if this wasn't the best decision you made in your life to visit your old hometown, if only just for this moment.

Bobby stood, with your hand still in his, pulling you up. He smiled at you, and you knew you still loved him, and in your deepest heart, you knew he loved you too.

But this time around, maybe you and him could love each other right.