#and yesterday he laid in it
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#we're having a time of it over here besties#my cat first ate something he shouldn't and needed it removed#and then he started over grooming which the first vet thought was anxiety and he had to be on a cone while we waited for the prozac to worm#**work#well the prozac never worked#so the next vet said this is very clearly an allergic reaction likely to like one single flea he picked up while in the vet hospital#so they gave him a cortisone shot and an antibiotic shot because he found a way to continue to groom himself in the cone#so now we're stuck in the cone until hopefully the cortisone kicks in (1 week)#but now he's going ro the bathroom outside the litter box#and yesterday he laid in it#and now hes had 2 baths but he still sp#*still smells like pee#so he is going to have to get ANOTHER bath tomorrow#and he is so sad in the cone#and I am so sad that he is so sad#but he can't be trusted not to overgroom#and I have been dealing with a lot of this by myself because christa so frequently works until 8 or 9#and then they like get up with just enough time to get to work (normally fine they do all their stuff after i go to be)#**bed#but all of the cat care and vet visits have been solo and it's just really taking a toll on me#to always be the bad guy#at least the cat is letting me bathe him#he's just so resigned to his fate at this point he goes along with whatever
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you know what sucks? when you try the Expensive version of the thing you’ve been using your whole life—not the 5 more dollars version but the 2 times as much money version—and it’s better.
#fiancé and I went mattress shopping yesterday. oof#the salesman (who was quite kind he wasn’t pushy or slimy at all) was telling us all the features of this fancy mattress and we’re like#dude. you don’t need to say anything. we laid down and it was IMMEDIATELY apparent that this was the best one#and then he’s like ‘try it with these $200 pillows!’ and fuck if $200 pillows are not MARKEDLY BETTER AT BEING PILLOWS#in which cate tells stories
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Literally woke up from my alarm. Snooze. Falls asleep for ten minutes and dreams about getting ready for work. Wakes up and I'm not ready for work . Evil
#the sky speaks#ive laid here and watched time go by. at this point even if i was ready and left right now id be late#might fake illness#i mean i do feel vaguely nauseous but thats not abnormal esp in thr morning#either i text someone and say im gonna be late . or i email boss and take off today ..#my dad's gonna give me shit for it tho aughhhh#hes always like You wont hqve such a laid back job forwvwr where you can just take off on a whim !! and hes RIGHT but . bbbut. sleeoy :(#like im trying to get this fulltime job at a university and ahit like this wont slide for sure#but also. the little devil on my shoulder adds. why not take advantage of current jobs chill way about it for now hmmmmmm????#even more time has passed now damn#yrah im not going in today#but i need to like do chores today tho. must vacuum and put away laundry i folded yesterday. to make up for not going to work in my mind lol
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so are we just gonna politely ignore bernard collaring tim or.....
#i think bear is really possessive#and i think it'd be kinda funny if tim didn't know until he walked into the batcave#and everyone side eyes him#tim innocently: what?#dick: i would say congratulations but this is honestly more than i ever needed to know#jason muttering heatedly: how am i the only one in this family that's not getting laid#bruce hopes that if he doesn't notice he doesn't have to think about his tim growing up#bruce later that night crying into alfie's shoulder: when did he grow up?! i feel like it was just yesterday jason was beating him up#alfred dryly: it was yesterday. we had to pull them apart.#anyway obv don't collar people without having a proper conversation about what that would entail for the both of you#but anyway tim finds out and he and bear have a long conversation#i am too lazy to properly write up that convo but best believe i will be daydreaming of it as i fall asleep tonight#bernard dowd#tim drake#dc#timbern
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"I like it not only because it was a big success but because it was one of the most instinctive songs I've ever written. I jut rolled out of my bed one morning and there was a piano next to the bed in the place where I was living at the time, and I rolled out of bed and just got the tune. I was so proud of it. I felt it was an original tune, it didn't copy off anything, and it was a big tune, it was all there and nothing repeated. I get made fun of because of it a bit. I remember George saying "Blimey, he's always talking about 'Yesterday', you'd think he was Beethoven or somebody." But it is the one, I reckon, that is the most complete thing I've ever written.
It's very catchy without ever being sickly, too. When you're trying to write a song, there are certain times when you get the essence, it's all there. It's like an egg being laid, it's just so there, not a crack nor a flaw in it."
Paul, talking about Yesterday, in 1973
#paul mccartney#the beatles#I think a lot of this#gets lost when he talks about Yesterday now#and we all tease him about it#but he WROTE IT#he LAID IT like an egg#his beautiful complete thing#he's talked about it so much now that the emotion gets lost#and you're just like 'oh fine you wrote yesterday'#without understanding that he was just a small child laying an egg!
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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Thank you for still sticking around <3
I know life really hasn’t been treating you kindly lately, but we all appreciate you so much
Ahhh thank you anon. Luckily fandom is a very easy way to Access Serotonin for me so it’s a good escaping mechanism like honestly what could cure a girl faster than super clear gifs of Tony Stark’s abs or Steve Rogers’ sweat. Im so serious.
#l do think perhaps I just need to get laid also.#ask#my dog’s new owners sent me a picture of him playing at the river yesterday too that was nice. to know he is happy!
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This lesbian uncle shit is easy the baby is Enraptured by Carabiner
#it makes noise when i move and his little head whips over to where i am#i laid on the ground for a full 20 mins and he just yanked on the keys so they made noise he was Thrilled#this is technically a thought from yesterday bc i was babysitting but idk i still thinknits funny
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I kind of want to take the boys out for a walk again but it's supposed to be raining on and off today and I do not want to deal with muddy cats
#i already had to wipe Tim down with hygiene wipes yesterday because he laid in dirt#and that was tough enough#if they got muddy and i had to bathe him? i need riot gear and a team of specialists#mod post#cats
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#last night i dreamed that i was trapped in my same patterns as i am while awake but the building i work in was bigger#and i was so dizzy and disoriented that i kept stumbling from room to room. up and down stairs. running into people who would stare at me#in confusion until one grabbed me in the way u do when someone is being concerning and incoherent and he made me sit in an auditorium#with a doctor who already knew my name. but then i was back in my messy apartment staring down at a lizard id let die because id forgotten#to feed it. part of my brain was in contact with my mum and she said i should come home so i did. i appeared there but i seemed somewhat#transparent. liked id been there a long time so no one noticed my being there was out of place. they were there but doing other things#i wandered into a room where some ppl i knew from hs were performing surgery. i went to wash my hands and the soap came out as blood#my sister tolerated my presence. which is out of character. she seemed to sense something was wrong. then i walked back into my current#apartment halfway across the country. caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and became transcendently angry#uneasy dreams. but at least i didnt have to get up at 6. i mean i still only got like 7hrs sleep at most but better than 6 i guess#its probably bc i spent so much time hysterically crying and staring off into space yesterday. by the end of the day i felt so awful i#wondered if i might b getting sick. dizzy in that way thats not quite dizzy#but today should b pretty laid back. still doing things but probably ill hace time to get some non work bullshit#done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday#then the experiment is over and i havr to deal with the consequences. and finish my other destructive project#which has at least 11 days left#well see what happens 🫠#unrelated
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it always baffles me whenever i realize that jaime isn’t the most popular character in got/asoiaf
#even though he is 1/2 of the most popular ship online#that aemond tweet i posted yesterday got me thinking so i was like damn#but then i realize three (3) things:#1- he is a morally complex character and even though his motives and backstory is clearly laid out ppl will still misinterpret him#2- i love show jaime but d&d ruined him so that in turn ruined the public’s perception of him#3- ??? has a big dick and ppl are jealous id
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also i caught up with trigun stampede and i’m now officially in love with vash, which really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, we all saw this coming
#chatter spell#before watching it was only unofficial#sure i fell in love the second i laid eyes on him#he’s very much my type#but now that i know more about him#i’m just#*head in hands*#did i watch all of it yesterday night?#yes#yes i did
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would you guys think i’m cringe if i described 7 time super bowl champion tom brady as “scrunkly”
#i went to the game yesterday and watched him get sacked by 3 grown men and then he laid on the ground pathetically for a few seconds and i t#hought to myself ‘oh… poor little guy 🙁’
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So this is my thing now, I’m afraid to go to sleep. This is kinda bullshit, brain.
#I feel like I’m going to die when I fall asleep#see… I’m afraid you think I just mean I’m scared of death#no no no. no. I feel like I’m suffocating. I have to force myself to breathe. my body tingles (in a bad way). I get really overheated.#I get dizzy and feel like I’m going to pass out from lack of air. I feel sick.#I haven’t slept much lately.#I’m miserable alllll the time. I can maybe force sleep with super exhaustion but I’m drained no matter what#this isn’t the first time it’s happened but this is the longest it’s gone on#from that my anxiety is now blanketing everything bc I’m so tired and scared about not getting to sleep#sickening anxiety. I feel like puking or passing out. and I got hit with some heavy (but thankfully short) virtigo yesterday#terrible terrible terrible#and seriously. anxiety. so bad. I’m constantly trying to get high right now to fight it but it’s rough#getting high is starting to make me feel sick too. and my tolerance is building. it’s like… it’s all bad. all options.#I hate this.#AND it’s the weekend and my new primary can’t see me until Wednesday and then I’ve got to beg for… I dunno… the good stuff#god. I told myself I’d go see my doctor about this a couple of weeks ago when this last hit and I didn’t 😓#ideal scenario: all doctors fall in love with me and medically induce a short coma for me to catch up on sleep and then they give me drugs#this new doctor doesn’t know me! I haven’t laid enough groundwork! how am I supposed to beg for klonopin if we have no banter!?#that wasn’t a joke. I mean it was but it’s also serious. I need some GOOD anti-anxieties and he doesn’t know me enough to know I NEEDS IT😬#also my tinnitus is just… no sleep + stress means it gets stronger and it’s… a fucking wet willy shoved through my ear into my skull#and if I hit a bad patch of virtigo… I will… redacted.#I won’t! I will go running crying and screaming in the street before I off myself.#HEY! my insurance says I can get 30 days in-patient and I always keep that thought in my bad pocket.#*back pocket. I’m not about to go back and start redoing tags because of a few misspellings#this is so rambly#my brain is fried! I’m tired! my appetite is fucked! I don’t want to do ANYTHING!#I mean… I never want to do anything. I love being lazy. I should say that right now I CAN’T do anything. but I can. but it’s… a lot. fuck 😔#this must sound so whiny. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll be making more posts like this until this goes away#you can ignore this#text
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#my son had a throw up virus/strep the past two days#and i#like an idiot#played the kazoo he had in his mouth when he handed it to me 😔#currently horribly laid up#and oddly my husband asked#“are you able to pick him up from daycare”#🫠🫠🫠#also got into a car accident yesterday#so all around great week this week#personal
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