#and yet people will actively vague and point and laugh at you for shipping characters whove been friends for the majority of their life

[dennisboobs]

im gonna let you guys in on a little secret.

the more macden shippers shit on other pairings, the more multishippers like me will move towards their secondary and/or tertiary pairings. if i can't go into the charden tag without seeing a post intentionally tagged with multiple ships and trying to spark discourse between them by saying people who ship "rarepairs" are stupid and delusional, first of all, that's an instant fucking block, but like. I'm not going to feel like talking about macdennis when it feels like there's such an obnoxious pressure on you to fall into line and accept the widely preached and accepted fanon canon.

I love macden too. and I would post about and enjoy it a lot more if y'all didn't make it feel like we had to pick a side. just because you prefer the big popular ship, that doesn't make you smarter, or more correct than anyone who ships charden or charmac, it just means you have different preferences. i think macden has the biggest chance of being an actual couple on the show, and obviously mac and dennis are both gay and queer respectively, but if i want to ship charden, why can't i do that too? fandom is supposed to be fun, and it's supposed to be enjoyable, i don't want to have to fight to prove that this ship that i personally see working and enjoy the dynamics of is a "valid ship" when i am fully aware that they're not going to be canon that's kind of the point, and why i prefer it. and for the love of god... if you hc a pairing as platonic, that is perfectly fine. that's how i see charmac myself, but that is your view and your problem, not the shippers'. just block the tag so you don't have to see it if it bothers you that much.

and i don't like several of the other common rarepairs, but have any of you ever seen me talking shit on charmac or chardee shippers? no. stay in your lane and let people live. i'm sick of seeing people acting superior over a fucking it's always sunny in philadelphia ship.

[crowtrobotx]

Howdy! 🫰🏼

7. Least favorite headcanon?

21. Favorite fic trope?

7. Least favorite headcanon? I am not entirely sure if this one is meant to be an "in general" fandom question or specific to whatever one(s) you're active in now (not your fault, the question itself is just vague haha) so I will answer both! Specific to RE8, I cannot for the life of me fathom the "Heisenberg made the tank for Ethan" head canon. I think it irritates me so much because it's constantly stated as fact and yet I have yet to see someone point to exactly where they found this supposedly watertight evidence? If someone has some I am happy to eat crow and admit my mistake but like? Mutated Heis even has a taunting line where he accuses Ethan of using his hand me down, which I have to assume means the tank... The whole situation is so stupid because the tank itself is such a crappy, lazy bandage Capcom slapped on to explain why their overpowered Lord couldn't just crush you immediately like a bug so I guess I can't get too mad at folks but it's also one of those things that seems like it's constantly brought up in service of shipping and people will get so fucking mad at you for being like "okay but that literally didn't happen" lol. It's just left a bad taste in my mouth over the years because it comes out as one of those "the whole fandom agrees!" things and I'm sitting here just ":) I do not but fuck me I guess." Overall, I think a headcanon I see across fandoms that irks me is whenever people get a little too gleeful with their "x character HATES WOMEN!!!" thoughts, even if it's joking. Idk if this is a new meme with the youth (I've seen it in the context of 'x character is gay because they like men, y character is gay because he hates women) but it's very gross the way it's presented imho. Like there are definitely times and ways to unpack a character's canon misogyny but laughing about it and getting all weirdly excited in this context is just.... euughhh. I don't understand the appeal at all of slapping hideously awful systems of belief onto characters who often don't even present them in the text. It's yucky. 21. Favorite fic trope?

Okay, so I have to admit I am a huge sucker for "there was only one bed." I know, I know lol. I can't help it. It plays into my favorite relationship trope as well of "idiots in love" aka people who refuse to admit their feelings for one another either because they think they're unrequited or they're too emotionally constipated to do it. The one bed situation can be amazing as a boiling point - whether you want that to be raunchy as hell or a good old fashioned cuddle sesh.

I am also hugely fond of huge scary guy and his tiny, immensely scarier murder daughter (adopted or biological.) I think if you follow me, you don't need me to elaborate at all lmfao.

[tomatograter]

New to the fandom, Could you explain June? 💯 Love and support her. But homestuck 2 doesn't have her and I'm just confused?

June Egbert precedes the concept of homestuck^2! I’ve seen a lot of people be confused about this because they weren’t active on the fandom at the time the epilogues dropped, when reading her as a trans woman got a lot of discussion going and eventually lead to multiple confirmations.

So here’s an attempt at contextualization:

Throughout Homestuck, a few key ideas about Egbert’s identity and motivation to push forward with her hero’s journey are dropped like breadcrumbs. She’s meant to play the default straight-man protagonist. Her defining traits are ridiculously… generic, when compared to how all the other kids present themselves and stick to exaggerated bits. She’s a perfectly normal, regular suburban kid with normal, suburban issues. 

She may not leave her room a whole lot. She may not have a lot of real life friends in the neighborhood. She holds a comical irritation for the concept of birthdays, even though her father is extremely supportive, and is delighted to see his son grow up nice and healthy. There’s no reason for her to be so irrationally upset at cakes and gifts, and that’s what makes the setup funny! June doesn’t even know why she’s annoyed with half of the things that annoy her, what the heck.

But under all that playing around there is a sense that her life is so normal, so blasé, so unexciting and limiting and hollow and fake that she’d give anything to not be herself, even if only for ten minutes. This goes way, way back. It’s why June needs SBURB to happen.

June lives as though her life hasn’t started yet. She’s stuck in the Tutorial stage. I would argue while most kids (and trolls) play SBURB to escape a shitty environment or the end of the world as they know it, June plays for a simpler reason: She needs to escape herself, and she needs to do it before it is too late. 

Being thirteen means crossing the homeric abyss between being a child with no care for the world sporting a generic hand-me-down identity and becoming a Teen (capital T) who needs to figure out how to cope with atrocious bodily changes while building the adult they’re meant to be AND deciding what the fuck they want out of life, and how they’re going to work to get it, forever and ever.

When you’re trans, and you don’t yet know you’re trans (or that this is a thing you’re even ALLOWED to be) the above feels a lot like serving a life sentence for an intangible crime.

You know what you’re supposed to do. You’ve seen it on tv, you’ve heard it from your dad, you know what are the normal trials and tribulations. You know you'll grow a few pimples and stubble and you'll need to learn how to shave, obviously, because it's basically a tradition in your family, and no one is really happy to be a teen. You know at some point you'll find a nice girl and you'll grow a hat out of your skull and then you will have to pay taxes and maybe you will have a baby daughter? You'd like it to be a daughter for no particular reason. And when you get a daughter you're going to name her Casey and she's going to be adorable and this is something you've dedicated a lot of thought to. Maybe its because you thought Nic Cage looked really cool with those long flowing locks in con air, the movie who featured a trans woman as a minor character for a few minutes (and she gets quite a bit of compliments, regardless of how the movie has aged), and he had a really exciting life, but goddamn did he love his daughter. There is no purer love than the bond between a father and his daughter. 

This absolutely has nothing to do with your father and you, or how you hold no excitement for becoming an adult man, or how your father's excitement for you becoming an adult man in your stead feels a little stifling.

But i digress.

June spends her time on SBURB mostly hassling karkat, and readily following the instructions of zany, dangerous, COOL girls that seem to know what they're doing. June lets Terezi lead her to certain death without blinking. June lets Vriska dress her up as soon as opportunity presents itself. June thinks its really funny to trick this troll Who Types Really Oddly into believing she's Rose, and also into believing that she's a very silly girl. You may even say Homestuck employs a few of jokes pertaining to how her name looks like EGG !

June has a ball playing this game until it starts to get shitty. She's never able to mend her relationship with her dad, as he's one of the first causalities. She has to spend a lot of time waiting around with jade on a ship until things get cool and exciting again, but she never stops growing during those three years. Its fine, though, because there's always more things to be done and more people to fight.

Until there aren't, and they make a new earth, and while everyone cheers and claps for the birth of a new planet June realizes all her excuses are over. Her friends begin to grow up. Rose gets married. Jade is living her best life. Dave has a not-boyfriend glued to his hip. Jane has a job. Jake is on TV for some reason. June doesn't want to leave home. June's birthday is around the corner again. Here come all the congratulations for becoming a strong lad for yet another year! Vriska is gone. Terezi is gone. SBURB is over. Wacky hijinks have been swapped for real-ass, boring-ass Regular life. We watch her unsuccessfully chase after the glory of days gone by when Rose presents her the possibility of going back into the game, when things were cool and mattered, or her flimsy decision to settle down with a nice girl she hasn’t really made an effort to know and become a father and be absolutely miserable for four decades as she asserts nothing is real, not anymore, and this is just how it is.

Depersonalization, depression and general apathy towards the world are all pronounced aspects of dysphoria that seem like unrelated incidents for someone who hasn't came out yet. June's trainwreck of a life post-game, specially her feeling of hollowness and chasing after anything that could fill it struck a chord with trans readers who left the epilogues to read HS again and discovered this has always sort of been here. June being a trans woman who doesn't have the proper vocabulary to express she is a trans woman makes a lot of earlier bits from the comic click into place, now in a broader context. We settled in the name "June" because it's what she imagines Vriska is calling her at some point, amid laughs, but even that was discussed for a lengthy period last year. What would she want to be called, what are possible tags for this, etc. But it was mostly for fun and games, because the prospect of the protagonist of a 10 year old beloved cult series being ACTUALLY confirmed as a trans woman just wasn't something that was done.

Until word got around to Andrew Hussie and he was reportedly so pleased with this interpretation of events he’d be making references to it, and some time later, a box of toblerones was left in a cave as a gift for fans to find. The first person to find a toblerone thought it would be funny to dedicate it to June, because now she was an ongoing reference that was fun to make. Instead of it ending there, Hussie logs on twitter for the first time in a long while to say 'Oh yeah, i'll make it happen' and that's when the whole thing exploded. I have a post detailing this made a year ago (with pictures!) so i won't keep you here.

In the year since, June has been vaguely alluded to in Pesterquest (in jade's end card, she's having her nails painted by rose.) Has been widely adopted by the community, those making their own fanventures and continuations, and the team behind Homestuck^2. In every way that matters, she's already thriving within the community that brought her to light a year ago. But her coming out in canon is something that will take time and a proper narrative arc to happen, one that is still being set up. We know it'll come eventually, the only question is “how”.

Not that the wind waits for anyone.

[unexpectedreylo]

Yes, It’s Been Half A Decade Since TFA Was Released

Five years already?  Geez!

If you’ve been following my humble Tumblr blog since the beginning, you’ll know I was not truly a Reylo until I saw TLJ.  Before then, I was dealing with a movie that left me with a lot of mixed feelings.  Why?  I missed George Lucas for one thing.  He has an indelible style that few can match and few really cared about that universe and its characters as much as he did.  I was very unhappy to hear a month before TFA’s release that Disney tossed out his story and came up with something he didn’t really like very much (as later confirmed in Bob Iger’s memoir).  As a long-suffering prequels fan I didn’t like either the vaguely anti-prequel tone the pre-release hype took.  Whatever you do in life, don’t disrespect the man who created the GFFA. 

The post-release hype probably annoyed me even more.  Remember the doofuses screeching on t.v. that it was the best SW movie since TESB?  LOL.  (No, that would be ROTS and the only thing that came close since was TLJ.)  I hated that a movie I felt was flawed not only got passes from the media that really trashed Lucas and everybody who worked on the prequels, but also got lavish Best 10 lists and award nominations.  I was one bitter chickie for a while and later got a good laugh out of the backlash.

I thought it would be funny to post what I thought at the time, with added commentary:

Oh yes, the movie. My mother called it…it’s good, we all enjoyed it and were entertained, but Lucas’s touch is definitely missing. The romantic epic sweep of Eps I-VI, the goofy and whimsical touches, the feeling of being immersed in another galaxy, and Lucas’s gift for aesthetics aren’t there. The visuals don’t have that beauty and some of it is kinda ugly. The creature designs just aren’t as good. It’s not the kind of movie you watch dozens of times to catch little things. Even John Williams doesn’t have a knockout track like “Duel of the Fates” or “The Imperial March.” But it’s hard to think of how this was ever going to live up to any of it any more than I’d expect Suzanne Collins to write a Narnia book as good as C.S. Lewis. We lost those things when we lost Lucas.

I like the visuals a lot more now but TLJ’s cinematography rules the ST.  Still feel the same about creature design; I see better aliens and creatures on The Mandalorian.  One weird thing about the ST is how the filmmakers seemed to have avoided putting in anything at all that we’ve seen before.  No Jawas, no Togrutas, no Twi’leks, no Zabraks, no Quarren, etc.. Just Chewbacca and Admiral Ackbar.

The music didn't leave much an impression on me at the time but now I love “Rey’s Theme,” “Kylo Ren’s Theme,” and “March of the Resistance.”

As long as we’re on that note, I’ll get to the film’s flaws first. The movie has a lot of snappy, arch, and funny dialogue but you can tell the script was cranked out in a hurry. It lacks the careful structure of its predecessors and cribs a little too much from ANH. Poe disappears and you are led to believe he’s dead then he suddenly shows up healthy and hale with no explanation. Abrams’s first Star Trek film was riddled with unbelievable coincidences and unfortunately this movie has some of those too, such as when Han and Chewie just happen upon the Falcon in space. The film does very little to set up what’s going on and why, such as why the hell is the Republic fighting the same a-holes after all of these years. Abrams prefers instead to keep the action going instead of doing much exposition, which is pretty much what he did with the Trek films. Those little moments in Lucas’s Star Wars films don’t happen much here. Things must always be occurring, which dumps all of the responsibility for character development and world building on Rian Johnson and Colin Trevorrow. I have no idea why they decided to be all teasy-weasy with who Rey’s parents are instead of just telling us. (I suspect Luke is her father.)

LOL!   I guess the adoption by proxy thing at the very end of TROS proved me right or...did it?  Yes, my first assumption after seeing TFA was that Rey and Kylo Ren were cousins.

As for the rest of it, I still feel the same.  Rushed script, borrows too much from ANH, precious few explanations/set-up, not as good structure but still full of humor.

BB-8 is a charmer, Finn and Rey (who are so going to hook up) HA!  But remember I thought Rey and Kylo were cousins! have some charm and potential growth as characters, and it was great seeing our old crew again even if not under ideal circumstances. (Personally I would’ve preferred NOT to have broken up Han and Leia.) Hux had some mustache-twirling moments and Abrams was at least smart enough not to kill off him, Ren, or Snoke just yet. Finn and Poe have a good rapport (maybe they’re going to hook up).

Stormpilot definitely pinged the slash-dar.  It was completely unsurprising to find fans shipping them.

Abrams seemed to have avoided the mistake James Cameron made in “Avatar” when he killed off his most threatening villain while planning sequels. As you might have guessed, I was really shocked at Snoke’s death in TLJ.  I wasn’t expecting that until IX.  I was also really shocked at the casual, quick-get-rid-of-him ways both Hux and Ben were killed off in TROS.

The most compelling aspect of TFA for me was the Skywalker family drama, which made me wish it was more up front rather than a subplot. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren is a conflicted guy with a huge chip on his shoulder and it makes you wonder exactly what happened to him because I think he may have mental issues. Leia knows there’s still good in him but can a guy who commits patricide be saved? (RIP Han…I so knew this would happen because I figure it was the only way Ford would’ve done another film). Can his cousin/half-sister or whatever Rey save him? Would she want to? With Luke back in the picture and Artoo activated again, what will happen next? Even though they split up Han and Leia I liked the banter between them; it’s sad because they clearly still loved each other.

This is still true for me.  A few days after posting this it struck me just how nihilistic TFA was because I found Han and Leia’s split unnecessary (had Han gone out for Chinese food or on a mission for the Resistance instead of just being a loser smuggler, it wouldn’t have changed anything that happened in the film) and what I thought was Kylo’s certain fate to be a narrative bummer.  TLJ made me think they weren’t going on that direction only to be proven right in TROS (sadly).

I’ll dispense with the stupid Snoke is Plageuis theory and my dad wondering if Finn was Mace Windu’s lost son or something, though I’ll give him half a point for Finn turning out to be Force-sensitive after all.

I don’t know why people have said this takes them back to the ’70s because the film really is a 2015 movie made for an audience reared largely on the MCU, YA flicks, and other staples of contemporary geek culture. It is what it is and we aren’t going to get back the films of George Lucas and his influence. TFA might not be an awesome Star Wars movie but it is at least a good sci-fi action flick.

I still stand by most of this.  Time and TLJ made TFA a better movie in my eyes.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 62

Thank you, everyone, for bearing with me on the delays for this chapter.  There was a benefit: @satan-parisienne got to beta the chapter, AND our other sister got caught up all the way in the meantime.

Right now, I’m at 463 followers.  As soon as I hit 500, do we want to do another character contest, or Name the Colony??  I am honestly dying to have all of you name the Colony... I feel like it would make you ALL crew-members of the Ark!

Same warning as always: this is a plague arc, so there are several references to medical procedures.

“There has to be a correlation.”

It was the first thing I heard as I woke up from yet another episode of passing out.  Once again, I had been wandering a dream version of the Ark, complete with ever changing levels of dereliction.  No matter how hard I tried, I was unable to speak with the Else again, however, and if the Council asked anyone else to even try, no one had informed me.

Blearily, I glanced toward the voice that I had heard.  Grey’s hair was ruffled in every direction, as though they had run their hands through it repeatedly.  Antoine was asleep, a tube trailing away from a bandage on his arm – I wasn’t the only one in the room needing transfusions anymore.  Maverick and Conor were berthed on either side of me, blotches taunting me from the skin around their eyes.  Tears pricked at my eyes as I tried to steady my breath before speaking. “How long have you been at it, Grey?”

With a sigh they turned toward me, forcing a kind smile on their face. “Sophia. How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m living in a horror movie. Again,” I groaned. “But seriously. Are the shadows because you’ve been working too much, or are you sick, too?”

“Medical scans only show slightly decreased iron levels from my baseline,” Grey admitted. “But that could also be related to standing and running tests for the last twelve hours.”

I tapped the space beside me in my berth. “Sit down for a minute. Take a break. You know as well as I do that wearing yourself out is counterproductive.” With great reluctance, they folded themselves to sit beside me. “You’re stressed out, aren’t you?” I asked, tapping their fingers gently.

The smile this time was reluctant but genuine. “People are falling ill all over the ship.  I have been trying to find a connection – some common activity that they all may have come into contact with each other during.”

“There’s the Food Festival,” I pointed out.

“Very few Terran viruses have such a long gestation period,” Grey explained. “And those that do, have a much different set of symptoms.  Additionally, in a setting this small, there are precious the majority of the ship do not share.”

“And you have the problem with the platforms,” I realized ruefully before glancing at my partners.

Cool fingers tapped my cheek. “That issue can wait,” Grey admonished gently. “It is not as important as the health of the people on this ship.”

“Speaking of…” I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, but a pointed look from my friend – as effective as any of Tyche’s glares – had me surrendering to leaning back on the pillows again. “Is there anyone on the ship who isn’t sick so far?”

Grey nodded with a grimace. “The number of those not affected numbers in the low double digits, unfortunately.”

“What do they have in common?”

“Hermits, every last one,” a voice announced quietly as the door hissed open. “And that’s saying something, coming from me.”  A tantalizing smell wafted over, setting my mouth and eyes watering as Tyche grinned like the cat who got the cream.  She shoved a forkful of something deep reddish brown into her mouth and moaned. “Phaal curry with scotch bonnets. Why didn’t you tell me about this stuff, Soph?”

“Noah is going to kill you if he comes in here,” I warned. “They have officially deemed that a biohazard.”

Grey winced. “I feel I should deem that a biohazard.  How are you eating that? Where did you even find it?”

“Four menus deep in my sister’s food console when I stopped in to water the plants,” she explained around yet another mouthful. “I warned Noah I have it, and they promised to wait for the scrubbers to clear the room before they come in here.”

“Give me a bite and I won’t complain,” I wheedled.  Noah never let me take that stuff out of my quarters.  “And tell me what you mean by hermits?”

Obligingly, she sauntered over and held out a forkful of nuclear-spicy lamb as she clarified. “The few people who aren’t sick are the ones who haven’t left their quarters since arriving.  They make me and Derek look downright outgoing.”

“Wait,” I sputtered as sweat beaded and started to drip from my quickly-numbing face. “They haven’t left their quarters in over a year?”

“Nope,” she confirmed. “They contribute, but all of it is remotely.  Programming, online tutoring, that sort of thing.”

“Well, that tells us a great deal of nothing,” I sighed. “We can’t even narrow down what activities they haven’t participated in, because they haven’t participated in any.”

“So go the other route,” she shrugged. “Who is the most sick?”

“Nixe,” Grey and I answered in unison.  Our resident mermaid was still holding on, but she hadn’t regained consciousness yet.

“Wait,” I interjected as I realized something. I squinted at my sister. “Your symptoms showed up before Antoine’s. How come you’re up, bouncing around?”

“You kidding?” she cocked an eyebrow at me. “Soph. I’ve lived most of my life with sever anemia. Even now I probably have more in my body than I ever did back on Earth. I feel amazing, by comparison.”

“She also has a habitually high-iron diet,” Grey added, tilting their head and glancing at me. “Current comestibles notwithstanding.”

“That makes sense,” I conceded. “So we can’t even build a timeline around onset of symptoms, can we?”

“Negative.  Several people on the ship have high-iron diets for various reasons. Particularly your sister and Maverick.”

I rolled my head to left and squinted. “Really?  He’s one of the pickiest eaters I know.”

“Spinach, tofu, red meat,” they started ticking off on their fingers. “Lentils and other legumes, pumpkin seeds, broccoli, and organ meats are among the foods with the highest iron content.”

My eyes widened. “You practically listed Maverick’s entire diet, Grey.”

“I am well aware.  I do monitor his nutrition closely, as he still has to prove he has consumed sufficient healthy calories in order to start his daily shift.”

“Huh,” I grunted. “So, he could have been sick the longest and we are just now seeing it?”

“While I highly doubt it, your theory is somewhat correct.”

“Weh di’ oo geh ‘im oo ee ohgah mee?” Tyche asked delicately around the last of her curry.

“Conor likes kidney pie, black pudding, and liver with onions,” I explained, trying not to wince at my sister’s breathtaking lack of manners and reminding myself that she just found out she can eat food she only dreamed of trying in the past.

She gulped, a look of revulsion on her face. “Liver and onions? That’s disgusting.”

As Grey completely lost their composure and gaped openly at the statement, I shrugged and soldiered on. “Not my idea of a good time, either, but they like it, so it’s their bonding time.”

“Surely not all three at once?”

“Christ, no. I would kill them if they ate kidney pie without me.”

“Okay, just checking.”  Tyche made her way to a disposal and made Noah aware that the curry had vacated the premises.

By this point, Grey was absentmindedly scratching at the rash that appeared from simply being near the dish.  “Can one of you explain to me how someone even eats something like that?  My eyes are burning just from being near food that spicy?”

“Ask her,” Tyche gestured. “I’m still figuring this out.”

I scowled at being put on the spot before turning to our friend. “I’ve always loved spicy food,” I admitted. “And I’ve never had any digestive issues with it. As I got older, I tried spicier and spicier food. It’s all so – vibrant. So full of flavor. Sure, you have some stuff that is just spicy for the sake of being painful, and I hate that kind of food. It’s just hate and spite made into food. No one should do that.” I sighed, struggling with my words. “Most spicy foods are ethnic foods, and I always liked being able to enjoy the ‘full’ version, for lack of a better term.  Being able to go to any country and say ‘I want to eat this the way you eat it,’ and mean that.  It just opens so many doors.”

“And it isn’t just spicy food,” Tyche pitched in. “She found this old show once, where this guy went around the world and tried weird native foods, and that was always her dream.  Every chance she got to travel like that, she tried the weirdest, most disgusting foods she could, just because she knew she wouldn’t get sick.”

“What was the worst?” Grey asked.  When we looked at each other in doubt, they laughed quietly. “It helps me get my mind off of all this.” They waved vaguely at the lab equipment. “So, tell me.  I never got to travel much before this.  I would like to hear.”

“Well,” I started hesitantly. “I only managed to choke down one bite of balut, but that may be more squeamish heart than squeamish stomach. Anything involving hard fat or cartilage is just right out, sorry.  I can’t get past the texture.  Once I got past the smell, durian was actually pretty good.  Most bugs are really nutty and delicious, surprisingly.  Balut was probably the one I liked the least. But – “ I held up my hands in a defensive posture. “I literally don’t remember what it tasted like, I couldn’t get my mind past the thought of what I was eating, so take that for what you will.”

Grey paled slightly as they looked the dish up on their datapad. “People eat that?”

Tyche nodded. “Yep.  I don’t get it either, but it’s a delicacy.”

They paled further as they looked up other dishes and confirmed I had tried them. “How did you not get ill?”

“Cast iron stomach,” Tyche and I explained, laughing at ourselves for responding in synch.

“Cast iron stomach, indeed,” they murmured.  Suddenly, their head snapped up.  They stared intently at the wall behind me before squinting slightly. “Cast iron…”

Without explanation, Grey jumped up from my berth, brushing past my sister on their way to the lab equipment. “Iron.  Whatever we are looking for is impacting iron absorption and red blood cell function. – “ Tyche and I looked at each other in confusion as Grey continued their impression of a rambling mad-scientist. “But nutritive iron does have elemental iron as part of the molecule…” Images flickered around the researcher as they scanned through notes and images; expanding this one, discarding that one, squinting at a few. “What if we are segregating the two for no reason… bacteria are bacteria, and the tail failed, too.”

The tail failed? Tyche mouthed at me. I shrugged, lost as she was.  We stared on in concern as Grey muttered, only half-audibly, into the night.

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[the-final-sif]

Do you think it will ever be made "canon" that Bakugou was abused? Like an official plotline? When do you think Uraraka is gonna have an actual storyline? Do you have any ships other than todobakudeku (and the ships in that ship)? What's your opinion on Aizawa choking Monoma w/his scarf? Do you think Best Jeanist's behavior in the anime is any better than Mitsuki's? Opinions on female adult heroes hitting on teenage boys in the series? Or the ua girls being over sexualized?

I’m honestly not sure if it will every be seriously addressed in canon as abuse.

The initial scene with Mitsuki is played at least somewhat lightly/jokingly. All-Might does note that the family is dysfunctional, but it’s not treated like it’s a super serious issue that the teachers need to do something about.

However, we’ve had it happen a few times now, particularly with Katsuki, where something is played off as a joke only for canon to revisit it with a more serious tone. Almost as if get the reader to assume something is okay and then double back and be like ‘holy shit no this wasn’t.’.

I think the best example of this was the sports festival incident. When we see Katsuki on the podium, it’s played off super lightly. Oh haha, Katsuki’s so angry he had to be chained and muzzled to the podium. Then he’s upset about it and he brushes his teeth angrily. The readers aren’t meant to think something’s really wrong there.

Only, then we hit the kidnapping plotline and we go back to that incident with fresh eyes, and holy shit, they chained and muzzled a teenager to a podium in front of thousands of people. Now all of the sudden it’s not a joke anymore, Tomura has a photo of Katsuki chained to that podium which is really clearly shown to be why he thinks Katsuki will join the league of villains. We also see that the incident has warped the public’s perception of Katsuki to the point that a reporter, directly after this 16 year old child has been kidnapped by an extreme dangerous group of villains, feels comfortable asking his teachers if they think Katsuki will become a villain. Going so far as to call the again, child who is currently kidnapped, mentally unstable. At that point Aizawa apologizes and states what happened at the Sports Festival was his/the school’s fault. It’s taken very seriously even though it was originally played as a joke.

Since that initial scene with Mitsuki, we have gotten two hints about Katsuki’s home life. During Katsuki vs Izuku 2 he mirrors her words very closely when blaming himself for the kidnapping.

To quote from the official viz translation:

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t been so weak and gotten caught in the first place”

(Note the use of the word we, meaning she’s blaming him for more than just the kidnapping itself, she’s including the media disaster UA is facing. As if, it’s somehow his fault the school is being criticized for having a student kidnapped)

Then during Katsuki vs Izuku 2:

“If only I’d been stronger.. If I hadn’t been kidnapped by those stupid villains.. everything woulda been fine!”

Katsuki, a character who didn’t cry while he was actually kidnapped by villains or fuck even during/after the slime villain bullshit, has been driven to tears having emotional breakdown blaming himself for All-Might’s retirement. Using words that sound just like what we heard his mother say.

The second hint is the line from Katsuki in the remedial courses where he wants to fight the kids and doesn’t see an issue with it saying he was raised with violence. We’ve also seen his teacher acknowledging that they fucked up and didn’t watch his mental health after the kidnapping. We still haven’t exactly seen them doing shit to help him, but canon has acknowledged Katsuki has been failed by the adults in his life for the second time.

So, I’m not sure if canon is going to try and address this more seriously. It’s entirely possible given what we’ve seen so far. I do think it’s noteworthy that we’ve seen almost nothing about Katsuki’s personal life despite him being such a major character. We don’t see his dorm room, we don’t really see his bedroom, we don’t see him interacting with his family outside a grand total of 2 scenes (only actually seeing them in 1), and we’re missing a ton of info about him compared to the other main characters. I wouldn’t put it past the author to be purposefully hiding a lot of this so he can pull a more serious storyline regarding it later. Given the current push in Japan against child abuse (they finally made it illegal to hit kids at all, it’s a pretty serious issue right now since there was a string of kids who died from abuse), I would say it’d be quite clever to purposefully play those scenes like jokes, subtly drop hints to the readers that something’s up, and then after awhile hit the readers with a “actually, no, this had serious implications and impact for this character”. In a way it mirrors how a lot of emotional/more “mild” forms of child abuse can go unnoticed irl because people try to laugh it off. It’s also possible it will never get addressed. Who knows.

God I hope like hell we get more development for the female characters soon. On some level the bar is already so low I’m just happy Uraraka purposefully put her crush to the side to focus on being a hero, and that she’s working on improving her Murder Capacity. I’m definitely bothered by the amount of over-sexualization for basically all of the female characters. Actually Foraged By Nitroglycerin and Sparks will have a little after-fic one-shot addressing all my issues with that.

Actually, that kinda leads me into my stance on Midnight. Her hitting on teenage boys is gross af, but I think it’s symptomatic of cultural issues behind her character more than anything else. She’s the only female teacher at the school, so I understand why some people basically take her character and rewrite her to be, you know, not a pedophile. I think it’s really important that we acknowledge that what we see her doing (hitting on teenage boys) is not okay, but I’m not going to give people shit for liking her. Particularly the fanon version of her. 

I’m going to assume you meant Shinsou and not Monoma? Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered by that scene. For one, it’s directly called out out by the background characters of the scene (”That’s corporeal punishment, alert the PTA”). Shinsou’s got the artificial vocal cords on under the scarf guarding his neck, and he’s not spluttering or shaken afterwards. He doesn’t even seem upset by it or out of breath, he just looked surprised to me. I think it’s intended as Aizawa cutting him off when he’s putting himself down instead of Aizawa choking him. This is more of what I’d consider ‘slapstick anime jokes’ than anything else. It’s also important to remember, despite fanon, Aizawa is a mentor figure who taught Shinsou how to fight, and not Shinsou’s parent (yet). Different relationship, different boundaries, different general behavior to expect.

I actually haven’t seen the anime, but going off what I’ve seen from that scene, no I don’t think Jeanist is as bad as Mitsuki. For one, context is important. One of the reasons I take such issue with the scene with Mitsuki is Katsuki was just kidnapped. By villains. And held for 2 days. He’s in a very fragile place mentally, and he’s been through a highly traumatic experience. Beyond that, Katsuki wasn’t doing anything before Mitsuki hit him and started in on her lecture, he was just,,, sitting there,,, looking upset. He cannot/doesn’t fight back, and his childhood hero and teacher are in the room. Compared to his scene with Jeanist, Katsuki makes an aggressive first move before Jeanist restrains him. Jeanist is also a mentor figure, while Mitsuki is his parent (at least in canon). Which, again, are very different things.

Oh! And finally, ships!

Honest to god, I’m on board with almost any ship. I don’t tend to talk about a lot of the female characters because we just don’t have much (if any) development for them and I’m more attached to Katsuki rn, but Jirou is amazing.

I like Momojirou, Mina/Tsuyu, BakuKiri (honestly almost any ship w/Katsuki I’m down with), Miruyumi (I don’t care that they haven’t met, I’m gay and I want them to be gay too), Shigadabihawks, Miritama, Kamishin, Fumikage / Katsuki for Goth Solidarity, Camie / Toga as a more AU style one, tbh Toga / Uraraka and/or Tsuyu too, Vaguely Itsuka/Mei because I love unstoppable chaotic lesbian / unmoveable force lesbian. In even more AU of a setting I think Inko / Mitsuki is cute af and despite my distaste for her in canon, I adore AUs where Mitsuki is a bamf lesbian mom.

Platonic ships I really like are Katsuki and Ochaco where the two of them have a friendship built of their general desire to piss off the other. Ochaco doesn’t take any of Katsuki’s shit and actively goes out of her way to fuck with him in Chaotic Gremlin Fashion, and Katsuki returns the favor. I also really like platonic Bakukiri with them just being Good Damn Bros.  Platonic bakudeku with Adoptive Sibling Energy is Good Shit too. Jirou and Denki both being gay messes together is a Mood. Same for Jirou and Mina. Bakusquad in general.

Honestly though, I’m down for most relationships tbh.

[incorrecteragonquotes]

Eragon Movie Recap Part 6: Crash Course

There are lessons to be learned.

Welcome back to the Eragon Movie Recap! It’s been a while since our last update, and while we’ve all grown as people in the meantime, there’s one thing we can say for certain: movie Eragon sure hasn’t. If this is your first time reading, I recommend that you start with Part 1 and work your way through the tag. If this isn’t your first time reading, welcome back! Regardless, it’s good to have you on board.

We pick up where Part 5 left off. There was a fight. Eragon did one (1) magic, causing him to lose consciousness. Saphira dropped in to help. Brom’s attempts to manage the team are getting mixed results. The team’s a disaster, sure, but it might just be enough.

We begin with a quick montage of Arya’s struggles since her first encounter with Durza. It does not look like she’s had a fun time. By this point, the repetition of this information is starting to add up into its own flavour of unpleasant. And wouldn’t you know it! This was another one of Eragon’s dreams the whole time.

Eragon wakes up, more than a little sore from the big flashy move he pulled at the end of the fight in Daret. Seeing as he and Brom are sitting on top of a hill in the middle of the day, Eragon guesses that he’s missed a few key developments. He asks Brom for the details.

Brom says that Eragon performed some magic. And by instinct, no less! Apparently this is a rare thing, even among Dragon Riders. During this whole exchange, Brom exudes some peculiar emotions - I think he’s proud, and maybe even impressed! “Flawless work 10/10” was not book Brom’s reaction to the awful strategy of “make problem go boom”, which tends to leave loose ends.

So Brom’s reaction might be a little weird. So what? it’s not nearly as weird as Eragon’s. Eragon’s face is filled with some bizarre kind of smug fascination, as though he just discovered a real-life cheat code and can’t wait to start wreaking havoc.

When Eragon asks after Saphira, Brom continues his disconcerting infodump by complimenting the strength of Eragon’s bond with his dragon. Eragon gets all excited as he asks if his magic killed the Urgals that ambushed them the previous night. Brom confirms this in the same tone before immediately shifting gears, changing course to the metropolis of mixed messages.

Having finally disembarked from Eragon’s hype train, Brom launches into a quick overview of magic. He gives Eragon a warning. Explains the dangers. Begins a proper lesson. He explains magic’s connection to the ancient elven language, and gives a brief vocabulary lesson, resulting in a peculiar selection of words - primarily describing things that Eragon found in arm’s reach and felt compelled to ask about. Brom also vaguely references the concepts of true names and energy costs, which was a pleasant surprise, before immediately glossing over them in favour of introducing dragon-o-vision, which is treated as important for some reason.

Since the events in Daret wrecked their old plan, Brom has gone ahead and made some changes. Saphira arrives to help him explain: Eragon should cover much of the distance by flying. Eragon expresses some hesitation at this - after all, the one time he tried was a pretty solid failure - but Saphira’s admission that it was also her fault is all it takes to get him rearing to go.

With Eragon seated securely in the shiny new saddle (they do mention that Brom acquired it, which it’s good to know they thought about), Saphira approaches the edge of a nearby cliff. Eragon manages to get in a cocky one-liner before seeing the distance between the clifftop and the ground far, far below. He screams as Saphira jumps off. But after a few seconds of not dying, Eragon gets a handle on things and starts to enjoy the flight. He has to lean to help Saphira steer, and while airborne shenanigans do ensue, they are much less extreme than the ones that happened during the flight over Carvahall. All the while, Brom follows the pair on horseback, laughing. He shouts advice at them as they fly by.

Saphira tries showing off, and Eragon repeatedly comes close to falling. While discussing various Dragon Features, Saphira tells Eragon that, apparently, Real Dragon Riders™ can “fight from everywhere, even from the tail”. How is this helpful? We don’t get to know. Eragon tries to give tail riding a go, but concludes that he isn’t ready. Rare wisdom from him. Interestingly, the tail riding may have been foreshadowed by some of the shenaniganry during the flight above Carvahall, though this might be giving the writers too much credit.

Eragon instead settles for activating dragon-o-vision, as described by Brom. The movie communicates its activation partly by showing the world through a dragon-o-vision lens, and partly by showing Eragon with weird - and arguably unsettling - visual effects on his eyes. Eragon thinks it’s cool, and Saphira one-ups the experience by activating the zoom-and-enhance feature.

Looking around, Eragon and Saphira spot Brom through the trees, conveniently highlighted in red. Also highlighted in red are the Ra’zac, which are quickly closing in on him. For me, this raises a few questions. Why are the Ra’zac highlighted in Saphira’s vision? If they were tracked automatically, why has she not noticed them before? If tracking is automatic in general, why are these three figures the only things highlighted at all? If tracking is manual, how did she start highlighting them if she didn’t know they were there? If she retained tracking from a previous encounter, then she should have already seen them. Maybe they were indirectly highlighted by Brom, who was already being tracked. Or maybe the much-lauded dragon-o-vision isn’t so reliable. The exact workings of this bizarre spy display are not terrifically important, but it bothers me that any in-universe explanation for this weird convenience is left unclear. Then again, maybe the in-universe explanation is “because dragons”.

On the ground, the Ra’zac abandon the element of surprise in favour of doing a spooky parkour demo. Maybe they’re trying to intimidate Brom? Intimidated or otherwise, Brom sees them and immediately recognizes the situation for what it is: an ambush. He commands Eragon to keep out of the conflict, but Eragon and Saphira are already on their way, and they won’t be persuaded to stop.

As Eragon and Saphira descend into the forest, the Ra’zac jump out to attack, catching them off-guard. I don’t know how the Ra’zac managed this, seeing as they should still have been tracked by Saphira’s dragon-o-vision. As for Saphira herself, she meets her most threatening adversary yet: trees. Not even the really solid old ones, just… average trees.

Eragon, meanwhile, is facing his own adversary. One of the Ra’zac has him pinned to the ground, but it proves to be no match for our new master of magic. Eragon summons a tree branch to do his bidding (using a word he learned less than five minutes ago) and the Ra’zac gets absolutely wrecked. By a tree. Eragon’s attacker is dead now, because of a tree. I think we may have discovered the most dangerous entities in this entire story!

With only one Ra’zac left, Eragon moves to check on Saphira. She’s in a bit of a tough spot on the forest floor, but she’s regained some perception and gives Eragon enough warning to evade a sudden attack from the final Ra’zac. But just as their fight is about to begin, a newcomer enters the scene. It’s Brom! Using that weirdly-coloured sword he brought from his house in Carvahall, he shows off some impressive sword skills. After a brief scuffle, Brom stands triumphant over the defeated Ra’zac, watching his opponent disintegrate into a torrent of bugs at his feet.

With the conflict over, Eragon stares at Brom, seeing him in a new light. Some gears are turning in his head, but he doesn’t say anything as Brom’s sword gleams in the sunlight.

Before we move on, let’s take a moment to notice that the Ra’zac are dead now. This is not what happened in the book.Their presence later on in the books is key to the story. But they’re both dead now, so they can’t be there. I suppose they could be replaced - Durza summoned them out of thin air, after all, or maybe it was dead leaves, or maybe it was a massive swarm of insects. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that they’re replaceable. The Ra’zac were especially significant in the book because they, personally, caused so much grief through their own actions. Not Galby, not long-distance Durza. It was the Ra’zac. But now, they might as well have no will of their own. Even if Roran does return to Carvahall, even if he does get chased back out by a pair of Ra’zac, they will not be the creatures that killed his father. They will not be the ones that destroyed his farm. They will not be the ones who threatened his cousin for so long. Even if that specific pair is brought back, that ship has sailed. If re-summoning does bring back the same creatures, then their defeat has no meaning. They are no longer vanquishable foes. But regardless of what the future holds, this scene reduces the Ra’zac to generic, faceless monsters. Any chance they had at being actual characters - at least in the story this movie is telling - is long gone.

Some time passes, and Brom and Eragon tend to Saphira’s wounds. Those trees got her good! Brom is thoroughly displeased with Eragon and Saphira’s disregard for personal safety. Saphira’s attempt to play it cool only sets him off further, but Eragon takes the opportunity to throw Brom’s own philosophy back at him: “better to ask forgiveness than permission”. Would you look at that! It did come back!

When the first aid ends, Eragon corners Brom to pursue a suspicion that I assume is what he was thinking about after Brom’s sword fight. Quoting their previously-established no-lie policy, Eragon slices one of Brom’s hand-wrap fingerless-glove things. This reveals his palm, and wouldn’t you know it! Brom was a Dragon Rider the whole time!

Strangely, the mark on Brom’s palm is the same shape as Eragon’s, even though Eragon’s is shaped like the stylized “e” from the movie’s title. The movie is named after him, so this almost makes sense for his mark, but not so much for Brom’s. Sensible or otherwise, I digress. Realizing that the jig is up, Brom sets into a weird sort of sentimental mood, and clarifies that his riderhood is a thing of the past. When asked, Brom informs the party, without ceremony, that his dragon is long dead. He launches into a story about the man who killed her - a Rider named Morzan.

Brom describes the details - the weirdly-coloured sword he wielded earlier is the very blade that killed his dragon years before. Its name is Zar’roc, and it belonged to Morzan. After his dragon’s death, Brom tracked Morzan down, killed him with his own blade, and watched as Morzan’s dragon perished with him. No more Rider, no more Dragon. That’s a rule now, remember? Once his work was done, Brom moved to Carvahall and kept his head down. Interestingly, I think that’s the first time this movie has referred to Carvahall by name. It’s possible that I missed an earlier use of the name, but in case I didn’t, I would like to point out that we are more than halfway through this movie’s runtime.

This story is told entirely through Brom’s words. Sure, he makes some gestures for illustration, and sure, there’s a bit of background music, but I don’t think that’s the best this film could have done with this tale’s delivery. This would have been a prime opportunity for a flashback montage similar to the one in the prologue. But even if we keep the visuals as they are, adding a soundscape to illustrate the events Brom describes would add so much to the scene. I think it would have been really neat, and would draw the viewer in, keeping them on their toes. But even without that, I have to respect Jeremy Irons’s delivery of the text. As always, his storytelling carries the scene. At this point, maybe scene is the wrong word - we could just call it an infodump. Either way, good job, dude!

Through this whole movie, the discussion of the relationship and power dynamic between Dragons and their Riders has been a little strange. The way people talk about Dragons, it’s easy to think that they are prioritized over their Riders. But during Brom’s story, he mentions how his Dragon sacrificed her life to save his, and everyone seems to agree with Saphira’s remark of “better we than our Riders”. And I suppose that’s true in this movie, since the Rider’s death causes the Dragon to die anyway. But I can’t help but wonder if they would still see things that way if the Dragon/Rider mutual death pact didn’t exist.

Brom tells Eragon and Saphira that he always felt deep shame for killing Morzan’s dragon - the last one, not counting Galby’s - and ending an era. This suggests that he believes that an era that only has evil Dragon/Rider teams is preferable over an era with no Dragon/Rider teams at all, which doesn’t seem quite right. But now we learn why Brom has chosen to be so tolerant of Eragon’s poor decisions: since Eragon and Saphira are here, there’s a new Dragon/Rider team on the scene! The dark times are over - Brom can finally let go of his guilt.

That’s it for Part 6! This part covered about 10 minutes of screentime. We got some peculiar developments in the story this time. Several almost-deaths. Even so, it felt a little light on eventfulness. But Part 7 does not have that problem at all. I’m looking forward to it, and I hope you are too! Thank you all for reading, and I would like to apologize for the unplanned hiatus. Real life - you know how it is.

Remember to tune in next week when we visit such questions as “what are the exact specifications of dragon-o-vision?”, “where did all the Ra’zac’s bugs go?”, and “will the trees be the real winners of this war?”. See you then!

[sometimesrosy]

A fan asked Bob at SW4 if Bellarke will happen or not in s6 romantic wise and he laughed and said ‘mmmm..s7’ laughing. So do you still think that they were telling a 2 season story instead of postponing Bellarke till their relationship no longer runs its course?

I didn’t hear that. What I heard was Bob saying he couldn’t say anything about bellarke because it would all be a spoiler. So to me, anything he says after “I’m not telling you,” especially if it’s vague and he laughs while saying it, is not evidence. 

I’m just going to assume that he’s not going to tell us anything, no matter how much we want his statements to be confirmation or denial. And as that statement doesn’t say much, contradicts what he already said, and I did not see what he said or the context of it, it doesn’t make sense to consider it evidence before more information can clarify it.

When I talk about Bellarke, I’m not REALLY looking at the external commentary. I might take it into consideration, but as always, I am analyzing the TEXT. My speculation is based on the text. I DO listen when JR tells us what themes and stories he’s going to explore in the main story or in the character arcs. Because that’s part of understanding story. But I don’t take the commentary ABOUT the show to be the show itself. Everything they say has to be held up against what is happening in the story.

When people listen to actor comments at cons, especially after them saying they aren’t telling, and then use that as the ENTIRETY of their understanding, that’s not analysis. That’s gossip. I don’t like gossip. 

Taking what they say and applying it to the canon to see how that affects your interpretation makes it analysis. “If I look at s5 with this quote in mind, how does it affect the story or my understanding of the story.”

My theory that they were telling a s2 story didn’t actually come from Bellarke. It came from Raven, I think. When I felt dissatisfied at her lack of story and character development. She’s always gotten big character development before, so what happened? Murphy got all the character development, and usually his character arc is a side story. And then I was like, hey, he got more development than usual and Raven got less. Oh wait, that’s kind of like they just expanded the story to fit two seasons instead of just one.

And THEN I took that theory and started holding it up against all the other storylines. And i noticed that MANY of the storylines were left hanging. Madi becoming Heda, Kabby, Zaven, The Blake siblings, despite how IMPORTANT a story it was, it left us with Bellamy nearly denying that she’s his family? There’s no way that couldn’t feel unfinished. It’s too important to the entire story. Echo’s story really barely got started. JR told us her story was about family, belonging and loyalty, AND that her character ended season 5 “controversial,” but we never went INTO those themse and Echo wasn’t controversial, so I thought, okay, I can see where those themes COULD fit, and there’s a start to them with the raven-shaw argument, but we never go there. So that said to me that he was talking about his WHOLE story arc for Echo– but we have barely started it? So that’s where it’s going? So he’s telling the story as if s6 was the s5 story. And that fits with my expanded s5-6 storyline. 

And THEN when I look at Bellarke’s place in the story, and it feels like so much was left unsaid, and there are literal major secrets that affect Bellarke’s relationship that are just HANGING there waiting to be spoken to change everything, it is clear that their relationship story is still smack dab in the middle. 

I don’t even know what you mean “postponing bellarke till their relationship no longer runs its course.” You mean baiting? No, man. I think bellarke is currently romantic in canon, so it’s not baiting, it’s HAPPENING. They are smack dab in the middle of it. Love stories are about what happens BEFORE they get together. Getting together is the CULMINATION of a love story. If you stop in the middle of a love story, They aren’t a couple. Heck, you can stop nearly at the end of Pride and Prejudice, and there is no Eliza and Darcy, because we’ve just found out that Darcy is engaged to another woman and his aunt has told Eliza that she has NO CHANCE WITH DARCY. it’s over. donesies. “postponed till their relationship no longer runs its course.” But if you get to the END of the story, you find out that was the motivation for Darcy to realize that Eliza actually cared for him. And he came back to her. And asked her again. And she said not one word to tell him to stop. And then they got married. End story. Bait? No. STORY. 

So what was the Bellarke story line for season 5? They start off separate/dead. 5.01 is about them living WITHOUT each other. The REUNION was a slow reveal that lasted through 5.01, 5.03 and 5.04, and still leaving us kind of unsatisfied. They kept taking steps towards each other, but never really felt TOGETHER until…. well, until the last 30 minutes of the season finale. 

I said. What does that mean then? That means that season 1 was a bellarke story. from 5.01-5.13 in which they told the story of how Clarke and Bellamy were reunited– as soulmates. And I thought about the season and realized that each episode, even the ones where they were not together showed movement IN THE STORY OF HOW THEY CAME BACK TOGETHER. The WHOLE season was about the NON ROMANTIC REUNION.

AND YET! And yet, within the non-romantic reunion of partners, the head and the heart, they dropped HEAVY romantic feelings visible to all. Which were plot points that turned the story. And THEN they refused to to talk to each other about them, or admit that was going on. So now we have the non-romantic reunion with CANON romantic feelings hanging over our heads. 

2199 days of pining. Bellamy torn between his official girlfriend and his soulmate who was back from the dead. And NEITHER of those stories resolved, but both affecting Clarke, Bellamy, Madi, Octavia, Marper and Echo– although she doesn’t know it yet. And THAT she doesn’t know it yet means it’s a story still happening. 

And yet it’s not a cliffhanger. The cliff hanger is the planet. The Bellarke relationship hit a pause in it’s development in their reunion, like the moment before it revs up the engine to go faster, with that 2199 reveal, and Bellamy’s changed behavior but lack of confrontation about it. It’s like a bated breath as we wait for the other shoe to drop. 

So then it became clear to me that they were telling a romantic story in s5. 

I then compared the story they were telling to my speculation for last year, because, of course, I was wrong about it happening so fast. And when I compared the s5 to my ideas about how Bellarke would develop I realized that my theory for last season was actually still correct and still on target, but only half way there. I was rushing the set up because I saw it in my head as the tropes that were already clear. But they did not rush it. They slowly set it up in 5.01, 5.03, 5.04, 5.05…. yeah all season. pulling it out of stories with characters who were not Bellarke, and so actively making romantic Bellarke PART of the narrative for all the characters. 

It was clear to me that s5 was a slow burn love story about the obstacles keeping the soulmates apart. Clarke’s death was solved. Their changes as people was actually the longest story there, and was solved. Their conflict over Octavia and Wonkru was solved. Clarke feelings of not being his people was kind of solved, but that might expand into belonging and spacekru in season 6. So she got back together with BELLAMY but not the rest of the family– wait that’s half way through the story. S5 INTRODUCED B/E and made it a REAL obstacle (in the trope of soulmates it is not going to stop them so i don’t worry about it, but in the narrative it’s a REAL obstacle,) that has been presented, caused Clarke to draw back, served to point out that Bellamy’s love for Clarke is not platonic but ROMANTIC, and put to bed, literally, until morning. A story that is HALF WAY TOLD. 

So. Like, my theory was influenced by some things that JR said, but mainly is working on narrative storylines that are being told, being set up, being resolved or not resolved. Look. I write novels. When you start a story, you finish the story. The 100 writers are proving that they come back to stories to finish them, and it might FEEL like they aren’t addressing them, but they are. The fandom feels unsatisfied with the stories (like bellarke or the blake siblings) because those stories halted in the middle. But if you TRUST them to finish the stories, you can see they are setting up the events that would naturally finish those un finished stories, and they’re using the other characters and the plot to do so. 

So then I take Bob’s (unconfirmed, i still need to see the source,) statement and say, how does that reflect upon what I know and interpret with the show itself and what he and other people have already said.

First question is: What does “romantic” mean? Because if you ask me “is romantic Bellarke going to finally happen in s6, I personally am thinking… errr it’s happening now, so what do you think counts as romantic if you’re not counting the romantic story on screen? Are you looking for the trifecta of confession/kiss/sex? Are you looking for established couple? Are you looking for the culmination of a romantic relationship is marriage, family and children? Then knowing that he’s not allowed to talk about ships, and you’re putting him in an awkward position and he’s awkwardly laughing. I mean. You don’t count romance in front of you so he can say anything, right? None of it will be a spoiler because you don’t see it. Maybe you never will until after you get kiss/confession/sex and an acknowledged relationship where they get to be official. IDK. Sure. s7. Go crazy.

me: stick to the text.fandom: BUT THE GOSSIP IS CONFIRMATION OF RANDOM THEORIES THAT ARE NOT BACKED UP BY CANON!!!

i don’t know nonny. If you don’t want to interpret the show with me and would rather be like BUT BOB LAUGHED AT ROMANCE, i don’t know what to tell you. You kinda got the wrong blogger. Although maybe not, because I just showed you how i dealt with extra-narrative commentary within my analysis. 

Listen. I’m a story geek. That’s what I like. Story. Narrative. Writing. Sci Fi. Character development. When I fangirl, it’s through these things. I am not, nor have I ever been into gossip, rumors, fanwars, shipwars, stan or antis. I like talking about stuff I love. Fandom is too interested in fandom politics, power plays, who said what, character assassinations, and invalidating the canon so that fanon and fandom can be more important. Not my thing. Don’t come to me and go “AH HA!” what do you think about canon now? Did that statement change canon? No. Does it work with canon? No. Did bob already tell us he’s not telling us? Yes. Let it go. They aren’t giving us confirmation of Bellarke, one way or the other. 

[fanfictionasliterature]

Kakagai Fic Rec List

Wanna start my blog off with the best ship. Promising 20+ fic with at least 1 outside of ao3, organized links, and summaries.

First, I recommend anything by forgetme. Specifically, try:

For a sort of melancholic, nostalgic, soft feel, 敬老の日

Summary: At thirty-seven Kakashi is starting to feel old.

Notes: Short, sweet, and feeling like the writer is smarter than I’ll ever be, which is just how I like it.

For romance that hurts, Technological Progress

Summary: Kakashi makes a phone call.

Notes: A rare fluff piece from this writer

For emotional pain, Atë

Summary: Hindsight is 20/20.

Notes: The great thing about being in a fandom where the source material is aggressively mediocre is that fanfic writers are often better than the original. This fic is the perfect example. It delves deeper and more honestly into Kakashi’s character than Kishimoto ever did, and doesn’t pause to give him, or the reader, a break.

A great take on the classic amnesia trope, Still life in pale blue

Summary: A day in the life of war veterans.

Notes: A great Gai point-of-view! Understands Kishimoto’s intentions better than he can.

Note that they haven’t transferred all their fic from fanfiction.net where they are thisloser

The history has its eyes on you series by tasalmalin.

Summary: This five-part series is a Kakashi-centric time travel fix-it. It starts out pretty dark, but the real heart of the story is one of healing, and there are happy endings on the horizon. Specific warnings are included with each chapter.

Notes: I’ve reread this series countless times. I normally hate time travel fix-its, but trust me, this one makes up for all those times you’ve read one that’s fizzled out or disappointed. It never loses focus, and always stays true to Kakashi’s character. The first two stories are pretty fucking angsty, though, so those who want to skip to the fixing might want to start with the third story, I know that we can win.

Everything by maldoror, who has sadly only written two kkg fic. That said, I recommend her other Naruto work too.

For a little pick-me-up, Break in the Routine

Summary: Kakashi had heard people complain about 'routine', calling it humdrum and boring. For Kakashi, routine meant that nobody was actively trying to kill him and there were no missions that day. Routine was good. An implausible green and orange streak vaulted over the iron fence and darted off a cherry tree, causing a dramatic shower of petals around him as he hit the ground. Gai, showing up for his regular challenge. Yup, still routine...Until Gai told him what he was challenging Kakashi at this time.

Notes: This fic has been recommended again and again, but what the heck. It makes me feel better every single time I read it.

For something thoughtful, Descent

Summary: A and S rank missions are killers - especially the kind Tsunade hands out since she's been made Godaime. Kakashi has handled some pretty rough ones over the years with his teams, wow, he could tell you stories...But his team is gone. He's no longer a Jounin-sensei and he no longer has to watch over a bunch of brats. Now his missions are ANBU level.ANBU missions are different. The view through that mask is narrow. There is nothing to protect, only targets to kill. There is no mercy, no regret, no remorse. No prisoners. It's very simple, really. Considerably simpler than being a Jounin-sensei. If only Gai didn't insist on joining his rival/friend/partner around on these, it'd be simpler still. (Timeline: short time after Sasuke's defection)

Notes: Not as easy to read, but in the good way. Has a wonderful Lee.

Good Lives by the great jibrailis

Summary: Gai accidentally becomes first lady of Konoha.

Notes: Lighthearted. This fic perfectly outlines what Kakashi and Gai deserved.

Mending Fists by cranes

Summary: Strangely enough, it's Kakashi who suggests they resume the challenges after the war.

Notes: It’s honestly so fucking cute.

the dew is never all dried at once by ohdeariemegoodness

Summary: Somehow, Kakashi gets his happy ending.  He also gets kidnapped.  Fortunately, Kakashi makes a great damsel in distress.

Notes: This fic is what it would look like if Kakashi could actually get some emotional closure. Reading it is bittersweet, because it makes me resent canon.

Definitely not a Love Story by tuesdayfic (tuesday)

Summary: Guy woos Kakashi. Kakashi is not exactly appreciative of his efforts. Neither is most anyone else in the village, except those who are laughing. They are sadly numerous.

Notes: The fic ends with a cameo by Iruka, which makes me wonder, is that a nod to the ever popular Kakashi/Iruka ship that makes no sense? I also love tuesday’s other works as well, though this is definitely my favorite.

Afternoon Tea by 100demons

Summary: Kakashi and Gai try to figure out what happens next.

Notes: This fic is good, but honestly mostly here to encourage people to read all of 100demons’s work.

The Best Is Yet To Come by alestar

Summary: Kakashi has spent nearly his entire life in a freefall state, bracing himself for impact, turning his body to absorb the blow and land on his feet. Now in his early thirties he finds the rapid winds of gravity dying down around him. He finds himself crouching on solid ground. A moment of disorientation, followed by what?

Notes: It’s a little sad how relatable this fic is. 

Last but not least, A Tree Called Life by mostlyharmless

Summary: Years after the war, the shinobi world is experiencing a new kind of peace. Kakashi and Guy are enjoying some time off after a mission, until Guy decides he is ready for the next step in their relationship: moving in together.

Notes: Funny. The Sai in here is particularly great.

Honorable mentions:

Helping Hands by desolate butterfly: [KakaGai, gen]  Gai can see underneath the underneath.  It's a habit he had to pick up to take on the role of Kakashi's eternal rival.

Anniversary by kimi no vanilla: The things we do to ourselves when no one is watching. The things we watch because we cannot bear to look away. Kakashi from Gai's POV.

Only Ever You by Chrononautical: Eternity isn't just for rivals.

Monster by chibi_zoe: Trust Gai to have an over the top name for a certain common morning problem.

More Than Puppy Love by thekatthatbarks: “Kakashi, you haven’t….always had…?” Gai asked him, looking at a loss for words. “What’re you talking about?” Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at him, annoyed at his vagueness. He put one of his own fingers in his mouth and probed at his teeth, trying to see what was wrong. His hand stopped when he felt the pointy tips. He looked at Gai incredulously and moved his fingers around inside his mouth. It almost felt like…canines?

Every Little Bit of It by slash4femme: Kakashi knows before the day even starts that it is going to be a bad pain day. Not for him but for Gai.

PS If I missed a fic or you want me to remove your fanfic from this list, please let me know.

[flatstarcarcosa]

extremely detailed character meme (Van, ships: right on target and far from any road)

found this on my dash and i thought i’d fill it in! under a cut b/c it is REALLY detailed! some of the questions don’t apply for me, and i tried to make it easy to tell which ship i’m referring too b/c some things are different here and there 

Character Chart Character’s full name: Van (pronounced vaughn, rhymes with fawn) Miller Reason or meaning of name: None  Character’s nickname: None, aside from petnames Reason for nickname: None Birth date: for ship: right on target: 10/03/1990 for ship: far from any road: 10/03/1970  Physical appearance Age: ship: right on target: 29\ ship: far from any road: 24 in 95, 30 in 02, 40 in 2012 How old do they appear: Perpetually babyfaced. So about 15 or so until they hit their mid 30′s Weight: honestly i don’t know Height: 5′2 (look what’s the point of a self insert if i can’t achieve my dream of being at least five foot tall all right) Body build: stronk.  Shape of face: square ish?  Eye color: grey Glasses or contacts: glasses, doesn’t like them unless they’re sunglasses though, prefers to squint and look like a hamster  Skin tone: pale/sickly at times, tan if they’ve been in the sun, but still very white  Distinguishing marks: pointy canines  Predominant features: nothing really sticks out, van’s physical features are pretty normal Hair color: naturally a muted blonde. prone to dying it a bright yellow in 95 and 02 for ship: far from any road. dyed black for ship: right on target Type of hair: straight Hairstyle: fluffy, over hair sprayed mullet ponytail thing for ‘95, ‘02 has a less hair band style looking thing but still pretty punky, ‘12 Van has what i call the ‘business undercut’ (far from any road). also just a normal, kind of spiky undercut for (right on target) Voice: i dont know how to answer this?  Overall attractiveness: this is just a bad question  Physical disabilities: I’m gonna break this one down because one thing i love about my self inserts is modifying my own, actual disabilities a bit so: far from any road: van has kidney and bladder problems that get progressively worse as time goes on, and undiagnosed celiac disease. because of a severe motorcycle accident in ‘89 they also have a weak/bum leg that is prone at times to flaring up with pain and instability with no warning. after a second motorcycle accident in ‘95, these things get a lot worse. by the time ‘12 rolls around van resigns themself to having traded in their bike years earlier for an actual car and using a cane. they’re not happy about it.  right on target: same kidney/bladder/digestive issues. bum leg is a side effect of general chronic pain caused by it. their leg has a habit of still going out at random, and despite needing a cane sometimes they refuse to use it. lester always keep an eye out in case their leg is about to collapse under them. he’s grabbed them many times to keep them from hitting the ground.  Usual fashion of dress: dark, leather, jeans, punky looking things.  Favorite outfit: leather jacket, motorcycle boots even if they’re not riding, jeans.  Jewelry or accessories: big clunky silver rings. right on target!van has a solid black metal band on their left thumb that matches one lester has.

Personality Good personality traits: tries to be kind, tries to make things better for others at the expense of themself, funny, loves animals,  Bad personality traits: addiction problems, quick temper, far from any road!van likes to hustle people at bars and get into bar fights but usually only if they’ve been provoked  Mood character is most often in: it cycles a lot, so  Sense of humor: good? this is a vague question  Character’s greatest joy in life: photography, making people laugh, alone time Character’s greatest fear: death, being in poverty again/being stuck in poverty,  Why? being poor is Not Fun What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? far from any road: something happening to rust. they don’t realize at it first but he’s become their grounding agent, and without him there to balance them out they would not fare well.  right on target: lester’s brief stint of being fucking dead and murdered on TV wasn’t a good time.  Character is most at ease when: it’s cold and rainy out and they have an excuse to stay in bed and snooze.  Most ill at ease when: surrounded by too many people and too many noises. Enraged when: hhhhhhhhhhhhh often? the worst they get is in ‘95 when marty makes a few jabs at their trauma and they beat him bloody before rust pulls them off him.  Depressed or sad when: also often, sometimes for no reason. thats kind of what clinical depression is. Priorities: money. taking care of themself with it in order to be able to help others. Life philosophy: sometimes you don’t have to be great, you can just be okay.  If granted one wish, it would be: ability to change gender/sex characteristics at will. Why? it’s the transgenderism (i use that word satirically and as a joke, for those that don’t know that’s a te]]]rf dogwhistle in other situations, a lot of trans people have taken it back)  Character’s soft spot: their pets and the fact that being a raging asshole is a front they have to actively work at. Is this soft spot obvious to others? depends on the person. to rust? yes. to lester? not as much.  Greatest strength: refusal to give up. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: raging asshole disease and the addiction issues. Biggest regret: developing addiction issues.   Minor regret: it also cycles like their moods. Biggest accomplishment: far from any road: got a bachelor’s degree in sociology before deciding to get into journalism.  right on target: ??? van doesn’t feel accomplished. lester is trying to encourage them at going to college but he’s not very good at it.  Minor accomplishment: “not fucking dead yet, assholes”  Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: far from any road: van was never able to find out who it was in the south texas area that was targeting members of the LGBT community, that’s the whole reason they ended up with the crusaders and met rust, they had reason to believe it was someone connected to the gang. despite help from rust, the investigation went nowhere and all they have is a half finished expose.  right on target: they didn’t try to leave an abusive situation sooner. Why? see above Character’s darkest secret: i? don’t know??   Does anyone else know? N/A Goals Drives and motivations: just live the best they can Immediate goals: not die Long term goals: not die, perhaps be less of an alcoholic  How the character plans to accomplish these goals: slowly?  How other characters will be affected: they help.  Past Hometown: --- Type of childhood: traumatic Pets: dogs, frogs, turtles, hamsters First memory: ---- Most important childhood memory: ----  Why:  ------ Childhood hero:------ Dream job: ------ Education: bachelor’s degree for far from any road, GED for right on target Religion: atheistic but understanding and accepting of others Finances: far from any road: not fucking superb, hence the side hustles. right on target: poor  Present Current location: far from any road: Louisiana, i don’t remember TD ever stating where at aside from in the sticks right on target: NYC  Currently living with: rust or lester  Pets: far from any road is various pets at various times, right on target is initially just the doggo. Religion: still the same  Occupation: hustler slash freelance journalist for far from any road, unemployed for right on target Finances: better by 2012 (far from any road) thanks to a boring but stable office job, and for right on target they have lester’s money now and even lester doesn’t know how much he has aside from “a lot”. Family Mother: ------- Relationship with her: nonexistent    Father: Bastard Sr. Relationship with him: nonexistent.  Siblings: sister, older Relationship with them: non existent Spouse: rust/lester Relationship with him/her: i mean in both settings it’s a long term (rust right at around 20 years if you count their time in the crusaders initially, lester about 7 years) so, good if complicated at times Children:  no Relationship with them: none Other important family members: none  Favorites Color: purple, green, black Least favorite color: red Music: prog rock Food: pizza, waffles, hash browns, cereal  Literature: lots! really, its across all genres Form of entertainment: viddy gaems Expressions: what?  Mode of transportation: motorcycle or car  Most prized possession: also motorcycle or car Habits Hobbies: viddy gaemz, photography, sketch comedy  Plays a musical instrument? nah Plays a sport? is pool a sport?  How he/she would spend a rainy day: cozy in bed, s***ing some d***  Spending habits: they are fucking cheap as fuck whether they have money or not Smokes: yes, they say they’re planning to quit but [thor voice] is he though  Drinks: yes, it’s the alcoholism  Other drugs: pills mostly. to be fair they do HAVE to have a lot of meds because of chronic illness but they do love them some benzos  What does he/she do too much of? drinks, sleeps, smokes What does he/she do too little of? healthy food, exercise  Extremely skilled at: hustling. that works in both setting because with rust they learned it themself, with lester he taught them. also, writing.  Extremely unskilled at: art, socialising with people  Nervous tics: knuckle cracking,  Usual body posture: crosses arms a lot  Mannerisms: ???? Peculiarities: ????? Traits Optimist or pessimist? pessimist  Introvert or extrovert? introvert  Daredevil or cautious? cautious  Logical or emotional? both actually, it’s not fun Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? disorderly and messy, clashes with rust’s methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? relaxing  Confident or unsure of himself/herself? switches rapidly between both  Animal lover? yes Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: bad.  One word the character would use to describe self: asshole  One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: no good alcoholic junkie with a shitty temper, a shittier outlook and few skills or worth to bring to the table except a raging selfish streak What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? sense of humor  What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? temper  What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? thicc What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? crippled How does the character think others perceive him/her: badly,  What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: alcoholism  Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: they try to be cordial, unless they’re in traffic, in which case it’s fuck you and your fucking mother you stupid fucking motherfucker  Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? yes Person character most hates: [redacted]  Best friend(s): @dadbodsandbots is p much hanging out somewhere in every setting  Love interest(s): rust and lester  Person character goes to for advice: they don’t, that requires enough vulnerability to admit there’s a problem Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: also rust and lester Person character feels shy or awkward around: van is very uncomfortable around marty most of the time, he reminds them of their father. it smooths out as time goes on, but still. also when lester was stuck with the DA, they didn’t like daken at first  Person character openly admires: ehh? Person character secretly admires: ehh?  Most important person in character’s life before story starts: ehh?  After story starts: ehh? 

found here

[stillrecruitingrp]

The D.A. has recruited Karli to the character of Harry Potter with a faceclaim of Dev Patel. Best of luck, Chosen One -- or should we call you, Undesirable Number One? Either way, we hope you don’t think it’s still your army...

OOC Details

Name: Karli

Pronouns: She/Her

Activity Level: I do have a full time job and I am planning my wedding, so that will take up some time. I would expect around a 7/10 for activity in terms of numbers. Some days I will post much more than others, while some days I may not be able to post at all. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I work 11 hours… so those days are harder to get on for me, but I usually am on mobile between my clients at work, so I will check in every day to plot and whatnot even if I can’t post.

Acknowledgement: I acknowledge that the themes of this game may include triggering elements. I also acknowledge that my character may be harmed or even killed during paras/events or may cause harm to or kill others during paras/events through the violence roulette.

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General IC Details

Name: Harry James Potter

Age: 17

Ships: I’m Harry/Ginny shipper, but it’s not necessary if the other person doesn’t like it. To me, Harry is very likely bisexual. But I don’t think he’s realized it yet. He’s only dated girls because he hasn’t really thought about anything else. He’s had crushes on boys, but hasn’t really understood that’s what they are yet. It wouldn’t be until after the war that he even realizes this about himself – it’s the 90s, so there’s not a whole lot of information out there yet – and he’s got some other pressing matters to think about instead of romance, anyway. That being said, even though shipping is great, I’m not really here for the ships anyway.

Gender/Pronouns: He/Him

Face Claim: Dev Patel

Desired Changes: I like the point made about Harry going on without his friends, especially since that’ll give me room for if I’m accepted but we don’t have a Ron and/or Hermione. However, I don’t see him abandoning Hermione all on her own – if Ron has not yet returned to them with the deluminator, I mean. So I have some ideas on how to navigate this, depending on which characters we have at the beginning of the rp. We can talk more about it, if I’m accepted. However, I just wanted to make a point that if it’s just Harry and Hermione or whatnot – then I could see him breaking her down until she’d come back with him. This all depends on which characters we have at the start, but I’d like some wiggle room if possible!

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BIO Questions

Biography:

Stuck in the cupboard under the stairs, Harry never would’ve pictured this life. He had a vivid imagination, if only to take away from the yelling of his uncle, the haughtiness of his aunt, the annoyance of his cousin. Growing up on Privet Drive hadn’t been easy for a boy with brown skin surrounded by white people who liked to stare. Either at his baggy clothes (hand-me-down from Dudley, of course, never something new for the unwanted nephew) or his scrawny build (the scraps of leftover food at the table designated for him) or the odd lighting-shaped scar on his forehead (the only thing left from his time with his parents). He used his imagination to get away from a household that didn’t want him – but never would’ve been expected anything like what happened on stormy shore in the middle of nowhere. A door breaking down, a giant man with a smile and the silliest – most beautiful – cake he’d ever seen. He’d never been anything other than the odd one out – and then he was told he was something special.

But special came with a cost. And Harry went from invisible on the best days to the center of attention. The Wizarding World had expectations and looked at him as though he was a hero. He discovered what he was meant to do not through choice, but through fate. It meant he could die. But having friends – having this life where people loved him – it was worth it, in the end. Finding out how his parents really died hadn’t been easy, nor had coming face-to-face (or back of head, as it were that very first time) with the man who’d murdered them, but Harry persevered. That could really sum up his time in this newfound world, really. Though his biggest memories revolved around fighting the dark arts – a soul in a chamber, an insane follower, a sociopathic teacher, or even the Dark Lord himself – those were not the things Harry would look back on fondly as he thought about the place where he felt welcomed for the very first time. No, it was enjoying the sun with Ron and Hermione. Or laughing around the table at the Burrow. The secluded corners with Ginny. He never asked for the title of the Boy Who Lived – he would rather be normal. And it was in those small moments without anything to worry about that he loved the most.

But, in the end, he can’t be just Harry. He is the Chosen One and it’s a job he takes seriously. Enough people have died alongside him in this fight. He’s seen it with his own eyes – dreamt about it. Lost the one person who could maybe give him a home outside Hogwarts. Another who could show him the way.Voldemort may be determined to win, but so is Harry. And now that he knows the truth behind his destiny, he’s ready to come charging towards it. Even if it means his own death.

School Year So Far:

He didn’t know what to expect when he left to find the horcruxes. Not really an adventure – finding pieces of Voldemort’s soul seemed more like a curse than anything – but maybe something more than what he had so far. It wasn’t until after Dumbledore was gone that Harry realized how much his old headmaster didn’t tell him. They had a vague idea on what these objects where, with no direction on where to go to find them. It wasn’t only that, though – Dumbledore didn’t tell him about the important things in his life and suddenly Harry found himself feelings exposed. He’d opened up and hadn’t got the same courtesy in return. He knew he was supposed to keep his between him, Ron, and Hermione – but they were out of clues. Out of ideas. Swimming around the same sort of mantra in his head. Maybe it was time to stop following blindly and make his own choices.

Harry didn’t go back to school at the beginning of the year and he was fairly certain he’d die if he did. But the school was like a magnet, summoning him to the grounds. He knew something was there. Knew it was where they were meant to end up. Even if Ron and Hermione thought that, if Dumbledore couldn’t find it, then Harry wouldn’t be able to either. His friends never really understood how important the place was, though. They had homes outside of the castle – real families. And perhaps even Dumbledore didn’t know all the secrets in those walls. Finding a place they belonged within the school was something both he and Voldemort had in common. And while it scared Harry that he could understand his enemy so well, he also knew he had to use it to his advantage. Look inside his head – see what he was planning next. But it wasn’t Voldemort’s head that valued Hogwarts in the same way Harry did – it was his heart. Even the darkest of people had something they needed.

They’re on a mission, but maybe it’s time to trust in something outside of logical and plans. Harry’s not willing to let his friends die. Even if that means facing off alone.

(Harry’s pretty important tbh, so I think it would be interesting if him coming back – either alone or with Ron/Hermione depending on which characters we get – could be a good plot drop for the group!)

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Open Themes (Optional)

I am open to the possibility of applying for one of these later. Right now, I don’t think having one would fit where Harry is at, but I’d like to explore the possibility of a curse or something else later on.

OOC Questions

Writing Sample

(set in DH, before the Order comes to get him from Privet Drive, but after the Dursleys have left to go into hiding)

The cupboard looked so small from where he stood. How he was able to sleep in here for so long, he no idea. Back then, it had seemed like his only sanctuary from his aunt, uncle, and cousin. Even when locked in there without dinner, alone with only the spiders to keep him company for hours, it was better than out there with everyone else. Because it meant that at least he couldn’t be scolded any longer. Though it did mean loneliness. He used to talk to his parents in there, sometimes, after the Durlseys turned out the lights. He whispered desperate confessions, pleas to come back. But, of course, no one could rise from the dead and he survived on his own.

It had been years since he even thought about speaking out loud to Lily and James, though he often wondered about him in his head. Harry didn’t know if that meant he was forgetting them – or if it was just because he’d found a new sort of family with Ron and Hermione. Could someone even forget people they’d never really known? His friends would be here soon with the Order and, when they stepped through the door, he needed to have the cupboard shut. No prying questions about why he was looking at the brooms with such a sad expression. None of Hermione’s soft, knowing eyes or Ron’s stare as they both figured out that this place meant something more to Harry than it would any other person.

Just a cupboard – small little walls and a couple of blankets. A cheap old mattress with lumps and holes. Broken toys lining the sides of the floor. That was all it would ever be to him now. And the bedroom on the next floor… that was never a home. In fact, it never even felt like his. Just some place he’d borrowed. This entire house only brought cold and lonely memories and Harry was ready to get out. He wanted to leave. The next time he lived somewhere, it would be his. But he couldn’t really think about that, not really. Not when there was a very real possibility he would never make it out of this war alive. Part of him was convinced it would happen, even.

There was no future past Voldemort. The path laid out on front of him was all Harry could see when he looked ahead, the Dark Lord and him standing at the end. He could not see around it – could not see a fork in the road. This was his destiny and he would die because of it. Though he was prepared to fight for the chance to live. He had other things he wanted to do – the images of Ginny laughing in the secluded corners of Hogwarts came to his mind and he could the picture of Ron and Hermione as they sat in their favorite chairs besides the fire in the Common Room – but the war ahead was more important than anything he wanted. People were dying for him.

He sighed and closed the door, bespectacled gaze falling on Hedwig. His lips twitched upwards into a smiling. “We’re leaving this place forever,” he said, his voice soft to the angry owl who was still ignoring him pointedly. “Don’t you want to say goodbye? All the happy memories.” And he laughed to himself before heading down the hall, waiting for his visitors at the door. Turning his back on the cupboard under the stairs.  Ready for what came next.

Exploration

I’d like to see something where the gang has to use Dark Magic for good. Like that graying of the lines. I mean, they were stuck on how to destroy the horcruxes for a long time. Without the sword, it would’ve been something Harry, Ron, and Hermione might’ve had to consider. Using Dark Magic in order to defeat Dark Magic.

That being said, I think it would be interesting if Harry eventually open up to more people about the horcruxes. He’s pretty angry with Dumbledore anyway after learning about all the things that the man kept from him, so I could see him telling the D.A. in a time of defiance. However, I wouldn’t want that to be right away. He’s gotta have his whole angsty this is my job! I can’t tell anyone! for a while. But Harry doesn’t really ask for help. Barty Crouch points it out in GoF when he talks about how he literally gave Neville the answer to Gillyweed. It’s not that he’s too proud, really – more like he just doesn’t think about it. Growing up with the Dursley’s, he had to do it on his own. He couldn’t ask for help or be comforted. So it’s second nature to try and figure it out on his own. Even opening up to Ron and Hermione wasn’t something that happened right away. Now, it’s natural to him to bring things up to them, but no one else. Even with them, he keeps many things to himself. Getting over that and actually asking for help to a larger crowd would be a struggle for him, but it would be something I would enjoy to play out.

As a general plot, I want to see action with the DA. This isn’t an rp where everything should be interpersonal or about relationship. There should be missions and action and defiance and rebellion. Bring on the burning torch as they try to take back the school. Also on this front – I’m eager to see how it’ll play out with Harry coming back to school and he’s not really the leader of this group he created. Yes, they’re on his side. Yes, they’re listen to him. But he doesn’t really get their struggle because he hasn’t lived under the Carrows. He wasn’t the brains of “Still Recruiting” and they look to Neville with those plans. Look to Ginny out on their proverbial battlefield. Doesn’t mean they won’t do what Harry needs – but what he needs isn’t always letting them scratch that itch of rebellion. His fight is more quiet, subtle. He needs to stay under the radar. And they’re done waiting for action.

I think it would also be important to explore the backlash of curses. They’re kids – not healers. There will be injuries and blood and things they can’t prevent. Limps and cuts and bruises. Dark Magic. The lingering of Cruciatus. I don’t want the injuries to get skimmed over. That being said, I wouldn’t be opposed to something happening to Harry as far as injury goes. He’s not invincible.

There’s a fifth simply because I couldn’t resist – but give me more Slytherins who help. More Ravenclaws who hurt. I am tired of JKR’s black and white thinking. Not every Slytherin is evil. Not every Gryffindor is good. Basically, I want everything to be a bit more gray.

[eastofthemoon]

The Empress’s Tears- Chapter 5

Today’s theme was ‘Home’ for Kallura Month, so here’s another chapter of my Empress Allura fic.  We are getting close to the end here believe it or not. ^_~

@kallurapositivitymonth

By the way, I know I haven’t gotten too much into Empress Allura’s past, but if anyone wants to ask me questions about her or headcanons I have, please feel free to shoot me an ask about it.

And for those who might have missed it I commissioned some awesome art to go with this fic.  Go check it out (and also @artbyjenisse art too while you’re at it.  She has some great work people should see!)

Title: Empress’s Tears: Chapter 5

Rating: PG

Series: Voltron Legendary Defender

Characters/Ships: Keith/Allura, Lance, Sven, Pidge, Hunk, Slav, some OCs

Summary: he paladins end up in the Altean Empire reality again, but this time they’ve also gone back in time and Keith makes a big discovery.

Archive of our Own

Allura paced back and forth as she hugged herself. “They’ve been too long,” she said as she turned to Pidge. “We should have heard from them by now.”

Pidge glanced up from her typing and sighed. “I agree, but maybe Hunk ran into some complications.”

“He would have told us if he did,” Lance voiced as he ceased his own pacing. “It’s been over a varga. We got to assume something happened to them.”

Slav tapped the fingers on his third and fourth arms. “The chances of them being caught was over 70 percent and the chances of us having to rescue them are over 90 percent.”

“That settles it then,” Sven said as he reached for his blaster. “We’re going to have to go with plan B.”

“You mean sneak in the machine, and get it activated while some of us go save Keith and Hunk?” Linka voiced and sighed. “Oh, that will be fun.”

“Aw, sis,” Tinka said as she placed a hand on her shoulder. “You got to be more positive!”

Linka gave her a dark look. “I’m positive it’s going to be a pain.”

“No argument here,” Pidge voiced as she leaned back against the wall. “We’re going to need a plan.”

“Okay, let’s tackle this thing one by one,” Lance said as he took the map Allura had been trying to update. “Allura, what would be the best entrance to sneak in the machine?”

Allura frowned as she thought. “Well...probably the tunnel Hunk and Keith used to enter since it’s near the servants quarters.” She pointed to the spot on the map. “There are serving carts around there we could use to carry and also hid the machine under a large cloth.”

“And we could snag some servant clothes for disguises,” Lance concluded and nodded. “That could work.”

“How do we know Keith and Hunk weren’t captured while they were in there?” Linka voiced. “There could be guards stationed there now just waiting for us.”

“That’s a valid point,” Sven asked as he looked to Allura. “Are there any other tunnels we could use to enter?”

Allura shook her head. “Only the ones leading to the royal bedrooms and armoury, and we can assume those would be heavily guarded.”

Lance glanced over the map. “And guessing none of those locations would have anything as useful as serving carts to hide the machine?”

“Nothing nearby, no,” Allura said sadly as she shook her head, “the only other way would be to enter through the main gate.”

“And we know that’s not happening,” Pidge said as she rubbed her neck. “We’ll just have to take a chance with the tunnel by the servant quarters and hope for the best.”

“Then if we get inside we’ll have to sneak to the rift without anyone catching on,” Tinka said as she paced with her hands tucked behind her head.

“It has a 60 percent chance of working,” Slav voiced and clapped his hands, “but only as long as I hide with the machine and the rest of you wear hats to hide your ears.”

“Noted,” Sven said, “the next task will be trying to locate where Hunk and Keith are.”

“Lance, Allura and I can track them with our suits,” Pidge frowned, “but I’m going to have to stay with the machine to help Slav set it up.”

“And I doubt the empress kept Hunk and Keith together,” Allura replied. “I’ll go get Keith and Lance can go track down Hunk.”

Lance looked hesitant. “You sure that’s a good idea? What if you run into the empress? Maybe I should go after Keith?”

Allura gave him a half smile. She understood Lance was trying to protect her. Allura would rather avoid seeing her other self if she could, but that wasn’t an option anymore.

“I appreciate the thought, but I would have an easier time to outthink the empress than you would.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I can predict how she would react since she is a version of me.”

“Allura is not wrong!” Slave gave a nod. “She has a 20 percent higher chance of not getting caught than Lance would.”

Lance looked prepared to debate that, but after Allura gave him one of her famous glares he surrendered. “Fine, fine, then I’ll go get Hunk.”

“And I’ll go with you,” Sven replied, “you’ll probably need some backup.”

Lance flinched and coughed into his hands. “Uh, actually, I’ll be fine. It probably makes more sense for you to stay with Pidge and Slav-”

“We got it covered,” the twins said in unison as they raised their hands. “With that two of us there, we should provide enough protection.”

Lance blinked and pointed at them. “Has anyone ever told you two that the ‘talking at the same time’ thing is kind of creepy?”

“All the time,” Tinka replied with a shrug.

“It’s a habit,” Linka said with a nod.

Allura reached over and gave Lance’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. “It’ll be fine,” she whispered. “I would feel better if Sven went with you. You may need the extra help freeing Hunk.”

That was true. With Keith resembling the empress’s dead husband, Allura doubted her dark counterpart would do anything harmful to him. For Hunk however...well, she prefer not to picture what they could be doing to him. Lance could need an extra pair of hands just to free him.

Besides, something told her Lance needed Sven to come with him in order to overcome the guilt he’d been carrying. It was likely the best chance they had for it.

Lance chewed his bottom lip and gave Allura’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, okay,” he replied and looked back to Sven. “When should we leave? The longer we wait the more danger that puts Hunk and Keith in.”

Sven frowned as he looked to Allura. “I’m unfamiliar with Altea’s climate. Do you have any idea what time it would begin to get dark?”

Allura shut her eyes in thought. She had to admit, as painful as it was, she hadn’t bothered to fully take in her surroundings when she was outside with Lance and Sven. It felt like her home, and yet it didn’t. It felt best for her own well being if she didn’t dwell on that matter too long.

“Judging by the vegetation and weather...I would say it’s close to the harvest season,” she opened her eyes. “Which means the sun should be setting within a few vargas.”

“Then we better pack and get moving,” Pidge decreed as she stood as she put out her hand. “Time to get us back home.”

“And save our friends,” Lance added as he placed his hand over Pidge’s. Sven nodded as he added his hand over Lance’s. A determined glint shone in Slav’s eyes as he placed his third hand, and Linka and Tinka added theirs on top of his. Allura’s eyes narrowed as she placed her hand on the top of the pile.

Hold on, you two, she silently vowed. We will save you.

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Keith stared at his reflection in the mirror. The empress had allowed him to keep his armour, so at least that was that blessing, but his eyes kept locking onto the pink collar that had been fastened around his neck. He fingered the small circle medallion that was attached to the front of it. He knew that was the part that allowed the empress to track him with every movement he made.

When she had present it to him Keith resisted it, but with Hunk’s brain hanging in the balance Keith had no choice. He had to allow her to put it on him.

This is humiliating, it’s like I’m her pet. He gave a soured glanced to the fancy clothes and food that had also been brought to him. I suppose in a way I am.

The doors opened, and in the reflection of the mirror, Keith saw it was the empress who entered. She glanced up and gave a disappointing frown as she spied the bed.

“You haven’t tried on your new clothes?” she asked.

“I’m more concern about this,” Keith said bitterly as he pointed to his collar.

The empress’s face softened as she reached over to brush away his hair to examine it. “I am sorry, but it’s either this or I bring out the chain again, and we can both agree this is more civilized.”

“In a manner of speaking,” Keith said as he jerked his head away. “Where’s Hunk?”

“In his room safe, as I promised,” the empress said as sat on the bed.

Keith crossed his arms. “When do I get to see him?”

“When I feel you have grown more comfortable here,” the empress replied firmly.

“That’s a vague answer,” Keith said as his fists tightened.

The empress narrowed her eyes as she stood. “I do want you to feel this place is your home and not a prison.” She pointed to the clothes as she turned back around. “I shall return later. Try them on so I know they fit and then we’ll have dinner.”

Keith kept quiet until she left. He then cursed as he picked up the clothes that he was certain were similar to the ones the Altean Keith wore in the picture. He promptly tossed them to the floor and let his body drop to the bed. His massage his eyes and prayed the others realized something went wrong and were on their way.

If they didn’t come soon, Keith didn’t want to imagine what else the empress had planned for him tonight.

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The group entered by the secret tunnel Hunk and Keith used before. Allura had partly hoped she would find the two of them merely napping in the tunnel, and proved they hadn’t been captured, but there was no sign of either of them. Yet, there were also no signs of any guards. If the empress had captured them, they had to assume she never discovered this particular tunnel was how they entered the castle.

Lance and Pidge volunteered to sneak inside first and grab the disguises they needed for the others. The tunnel felt cramped as they all waited inside the tunnel. Allura almost banged her toe against the machine three times and had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep silent. She could not wait to get out of this place and back to their own reality.

Finally, Lance and Pidge appeared with the disguises and tossed a scarf in Allura’s direction.

“Got to make certain you keep your face covered,” Pidge commented as she placed the clothes over her armour. “Don’t want the locals in here believing you’re the empress.”

Allura nodded in agreement as she removed her helmet and adjusted her scarf. The servant's clothes were large enough to fit over their armour, and thankfully the hats they found were able to conceal the other’s ears.

Slav stayed in the tunnel as Allura and Sven went out and brought back a serving cart. The twins kept an eye out as they carried the machine out, and placed it inside the cart. Slav wrapped around the machine and clung to it like a woodland critter clinging to a branch.

“Make certain not to bump into anything,” Slav said as they covered the cart with a sheet. “We don’t know how stable this piece of comet is, and the chances of it going off and sending us into another reality are just under 50 percent.”

“So be careful or we’ll wind up in a place where lemurs are the supreme rulers or something, got it,” Lance muttered as they securely tucked it around him. The twins then checked the hallway and gestured the coast was clear.

Allura took a deep breath before she began to push the cart. The others stayed close to her as they moved. The cart was a bit difficult to maneuver with the weight of both Slav and the machine, but Allura managed it.

Her heart beats speed up as a few guards passed them, but they barely blinked an eye at them. Several more moments passed without anyone barely glancing at them. Then the door to the chamber where the rift was appeared before them, and there were no guards in sight.

It’s too good to be true, Allura thought.

“Stop right there!” a voice suddenly cried.

Allura silently cursed as they all froze. A large Altean woman carrying a large tray scowled at them. “Where exactly are you going?”

Allura chewed her bottom lip. “Um..”

“We’re just on our way back to the kitchen,” Pidge spoke in a firm tone. “To help with dinner.”

The Altean woman raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You mean the kitchen that’s in the opposite direction?”

“Uh, of course,” Lance stammered, “we were just taking the scenic route.”

The woman did not look impress, but shook her head. “I do not have the time for this nonsense,” she shoved the tray into Sven’s hands. “Take this food to the empress’s guest in the east chamber. I need to inspect and make certain the empress’s dinner is ready.”

“Um..,” Sven spoke and cleared his throat. “Which guest?”

The woman twitched an eye. “Oh for Anicent’s sake, the odd young man with the round ears and yellow armour.”

Allura gulped. Hunk! She meant Hunk.

“Ah, yes, of course,” Sven muttered with a nod.

“As for the rest of you,” the woman said as she pointed at them. “Go and see there are clean bedsheets and for Ancient’s sake strengthen those postures! We are not savages.”

“Uh..Yes, madam!” the twins said in unison.

“That is yes ‘Mrs. Hys’,” the lady growled as she stomped away. “Honestly, why is it so hard for you young people to remember?”

No one dared to move until the lady disappeared around the corner.

“Well, she’s pleasant,” Lance grumbled.

“I do not want to know what it’s like to live with her,” Pidge nodded in agreement.

“But now we know for 100 percent Hunk is here,” Slav voiced as he peeked from the table.

“All the more reason to get this inside,” Allura said as she shoved Slav’s head back inside the cart and then hastily wheeled it forward.

The group opened the chamber door, rushed inside and shut the doors before anyone noticed. Allura removed her scarf as she looked around. “You are positive this is where the rift is?”

“Definitely,” Lance said as he pointed to scorch marks on the door on the other side of the room. “I remember shooting at the guards at came in that direction when we got here.”

“What is this room exactly?” Tinka asked as Linka pulled the cloth off the serving cart.

“Yeah, I don’t remember this place from the Castle of Lions,” Pidge voiced.

“I do,” Lance said with a shrug. “I think it’s where Coran has been storing the extra spare parts he finds for the castle.”

“It’s the ceremonial chamber,” Allura voiced as she looked around. “It was barely used even back when my father was alive, but it was used to bless the first harvest of the season or the birth of a noble child.” She wiped the dust off a table. “Although, I would wager it has not be used in this reality for a long time.”

Granted, Coran had commented it was quite covered in dust when he cleaned it out to change into a storeroom as well. A part of her felt a bit guilty for changing the chamber to something so common. Yet, they hadn’t used the chamber for a high number of years while the war was going on.

All the celebrations in this room were for Altea and it’s people, but with Allura and Coran being it’s only survivals, there was just no longer a need for it.

Although, that is my excuse for not using it, Allura thought as she wiped the dust off her hands. The empress still has her Altea. What is her excuse?

“Allura,” Pidge voiced as she waved in front of her face. “Come on, we don’t have time to daydream here.”

Allura shook her head. “Sorry,” she muttered as she removed her servant clothing. The next phase of their plan required much movement and speed, and they needed to do that without their disguises. “Lance, do you have Hunk’s signal”

Lance activated his armour and nodded. “Yup, and looks what the cranky lady said is true. He’s in the eastern part of the tower.”

Allura activated her tracker and then placed her helmet on. “As for Keith...it appears he is in the same room he was kept in before.” The consort chamber. She tried not to interpret what that meant.

“We have better get a move on then,” Sven voiced as he dumped the servant clothes and pulled out the blaster. “Linka and Tinka, guard this place with your lives if we want any chance to get home.”

“You can count on us,” Linka said with a salute.

Twinka raised a hand. “But...can we eat the food on the tray we brought in? I’m starving.”

Sven chuckled as he patted Lance’s shoulder. “Go ahead,” he looked to Lance. “We better go.”

Lance chewed his bottom lip, but then took a deep breath and looked to Allura. “Call us if you run into trouble.”

“Same to you,” Allura said as she approached the door. “Also be careful.”

“You too,” Lance said as he held out his hand. Allura gave a smile as she grabbed it and gave it hard squeeze before she left the chamber.

They would find their friends and they would get out of here. Nothing was going to stop them.

[eyedelater]

notes on vigilantes (hero academia illegals) after reading all available chapters

the most striking feature of this spinoff is that every chapter is like an introductory chapter. the first one i read was #7 (like a month ago) and i was sure that that was the first time we were meeting koichi. that's just how it felt. then i started at the beginning and chapter 1 was an introduction to the concept of vigilantes in a world of heroes and an introduction to our three main characters. then chapters 2 through 6 were Also introductions to the concept of vigilantes and our three main characters. they kept getting nameplates on their first appearance in each chapter! chapter 4 opens with present mic being like "JUST WHAT IS A VIGILANTE?!" bitch you think i don't know what a vigilante is by now??? don't be so accommodating of new readers every single chapter! it’s so redundant!

popty ping's whole character design is so male gaze it hurts. she hits every point on the list i made of characteristics shared by too many horikoshi female characters: mask is only an eye mask (so you know she's pretty), form-fitting and unnecessarily revealing costume, no physical abnormalities, generic attractive face shape, long hair, average height, generic attractive body type, no prominent muscles or anything. the only thing that makes her appearance distinctive or memorable in any way is the way they draw the texture of her hair in those weird puffy chunks, which i kinda like. her "alter ego = glasses and no makeup and her hair is down" thing is the most cliche bullshit possible. she's a walking panty-shot who makes it a point to show her ass to everyone because... she wants to? it makes her feel good about herself? surely not just because the artist wanted to draw a girl's ass as often as possible, oh no, think about what SHE wants, she's a strong independent female character who totally wasn't created solely as a koichi love interest and audience eye candy and the occasional damsel in distress. she loves to objectify HERSELF, there’s nothing wrong with that! (there is.) her backstory about being saved by koichi is cute but dumb as shit tbh. and she's not even part of the vigilante team (as seen in chapter 7 where koichi is like "we're knuckleduster and the crawler!" and she's like "i'm not with them!") because she has no actual vigilantism-related motivations except to be vaguely interested in koichi for the aforementioned dumb reasons and to show her ass to everyone. she keeps getting these large panels of her face when she suddenly blushes, as though it’s a moment that holds any emotional weight whatsoever, rather than being a super predictable way to show that she has a crush on (who could have guessed?!) the protagonist. i'm not saying she's not a likable character... i'm saying she's a poorly-executed object of pure, unapologetic self-indulgence by the author and artist. almost nothing about her is justifiable.

hachisuka's character design is, by contrast, a bit better. at least she's not, you know, pop☆step. she's not a purely sexual object (though they do treat her very creepily at times). she has something gross about her (beehive eye), which is somewhat cleverly incorporated into her character design (though i don’t see why she wears an eyepatch sometimes but not always). she has short hair and a sneaky face; she's at least one (1) step away from purely generic horikoshi-style girl. but she, too, has problems with motivations. namely, she doesn't seem to have any? like, okay, working with whoever is studying the effects of "trigger" is apparently her part-time job. so she's doing their bidding, if in a slightly chaotic way. but Why is she doing their bidding? is she getting paid? if she's just doing it for the money, why is it worth it to her? does she need money that desperately? she doesn't seem to care about other people in the slightest. why not??? did something happen to her? we don't even really have any hints as to what's driving her, do we? like, with another mysterious villain, shigaraki tomura, his motivations weren't clear early on, but we had hints, like how his childishness and quickness to panic implied that he was only a puppet posing as the mastermind, and how he had his little tirade about hating heroes because violence is bad, which made it clear that he's against the system more than any one individual, implying that the system has failed him in some way. but hachisuka doesn't have any such hints, does she? as far as we know, she's not against anything, nor is she for anything. what does she want? if anything, it seems like she just wants to fuck shit up for no reason, and that makes her less interesting as an antagonist, not more. also her name (quinn hachisuka -> quinn = queen, hachi = bee -> queen bee) is pretty silly. also, how does she load up her bees with trigger without herself getting triggered...? i want to learn more about the mechanics of her quirk. oh shit, what if her hidden eye hive is one big hexagonal cell, that would be sick

koichi is a cute and charming bugboy. about as interesting as a deku, i.e. "not especially," but i really like his quirk and his face. he's somewhat generic in terms of design, but protags have to be generic to some degree, so i'll accept it. his whole "quirk forces him to be active scurrying around the feet of the citizenry, which creeps them out a little" thing is a good schtick, a good place to work from. his motivations are simple but clear: he likes to help people. his personality is simple but clear: well-meaning, slightly oblivious, easygoing and forgiving, easily roped into things, unsure as to how to go about what he wants to do, but eager to do what he can. he’s weak, scrawny, and emotionally a bit of a pushover, so he’s not perfect, which is good. i suppose his main flaw would be that he isn't really facing any active conflicts in his life, other than what knuckleduster has roped him into. and he's going to college, but what's his major??? 

also, this takes place several years before the start of heroaca, going by ingenium's quip that tenya can't even turn corners yet, so the tenya in that little flashback is probably less than 10 years old, and if i were to go with my gut, i'd say that tenya is around 8 years old, meaning this takes place around 8 years before deku's story begins, meaning that the iida tensei who appears in chapter 7 of vigilantes is approximately 22, MEANING... that he is a perfectly appropriate age to ship with haimawari koichi. score

i was surprised and intrigued to see proto-stain appear as a character in recent chapters... and a noséd stain, at that. (he even says so himself!) his costume is p rad. when it first became clear that this guy is probably stain, my reaction was "could this be... recycling?" as in, how convenient, we get to reuse an antagonist from the main canon, and it doesn't count as reusing because it's technically in the past. but i guess this is actually a little more than just recycling, so i'm fine with it. it's interesting how he has just as few qualms about killing as he does in regular heroaca, yet his character seems more... mature? self-assured? confident? healthy...? than stain. but that makes sense, because the stain who appears in heroaca is much more... eroded. by that point, he's spent years and years stewing in his own disillusionment, losing sight of anything but his ideology, losing faith in nearly everyone... and i wonder if there was one incident in particular that set him irrevocably on that hopeless path, an incident that occurs between now (vigilante time) and then (heroaca time) that results in the loss of the nose off his god damn face. (p.s. that moment when he was like "THE RED OF LIFE~ THE BLACK OF DEATH~" wow what an akaguro chizome thing to say, nameless stranger whose quirk and tongue happen to be 100% identical to stain’s. i can’t believe the heroaca wiki page on stendhal doesn’t acknowledge that he’s definitely stain) (and that dolphin cap he puts on omfg and he keeps his ponytail up, he totally puts his ponytail through the hole in the baseball cap like holy shit)

this porcupine fucker... (his name is souga, apparently...) they tried to treat his character as redeemed without actually giving him a redemption. as soon as he's reintroduced as a potential ally, he gets all pissy when they remind him (not accuse him baselessly, but REMIND HIM of what he ACTUALLY DID) about how he and his buddies threatened to literally rape and kill popty ping, like, THE LAST TIME THEY MET. and this fucker doesn't think of APOLOGIZING or making it clear in any way that he's REFORMED or promising to NEVER DO IT AGAIN; he just skips ahead to getting frustrated that they don't forgive him immediately. NOW WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD THEY FORGIVE HIM IMMEDIATELY? who would??? and then we get a humanizing moment at the hospital with lizard boy and flame boulder and then we're suddenly pitting him against stendhal, and he gets that page where we see how he feels like everyone is always laughing at him in a condescending way and it's like, we've actually seen two of the situations on that page (koichi and popty ping) and they weren't smiling condescendingly at all! you're seeing shit that isn’t there, so that’s your problem, not theirs!!! but that's supposed to make us understand this guy enough to root for him in this fight? all we've learned about him is that he expects forgiveness he hasn't asked for and he perceives ridicule and condescension where there is none! those are Not redeeming character traits in the slightest!!! in fact, they’re very worrying and abusive character traits! now, to be perfectly clear, i'm not saying that stain is right in trying to kill this guy. obviously stain feeling he has the right to be judge, jury, and executioner is at least as flawed as souga's perspective. so it's good that koichi is trying to save him. but that doesn't mean souga is anywhere near redeemed or even likable. don't be so careless in turning antagonists into allies!!! you can't just put the same character in a different slot and expect it to stick!!!

knuckleduster is the embodiment of the male gaze on male characters. he's cool, tough, muscular, mysterious, violent, and confident, and that's it. he's about as shallow as pop, but not sexualized, because they're not trying to make him Attractive (it is the male gaze, after all, which carries strong het connotations); they're trying to make him cool and ultra-masculine in a way that men are expected to aspire to be. it's not a good message, and certainly nothing new, but i don't think he's as much of a slap in the face as popty ping. so idk, i don't have any strong feelings about knuckleduster. he's badass and strong and even blander than koichi. we don't know his real name or age yet, do we? yet somehow it doesn't seem like something we urgently need to know. (i want to say "tell me his age so i can figure out whether it's appropriate to ship him with koichi" but a] koichi is 19 and can take care of himself, so i guess even a wide age difference ship wouldn't put me off too much, and b] knuckle is not even really interesting enough to ship tbh.) and note that i'm not equating quirkless with bland. his quirklessness is like, one of the few points of individuality his character has. but even that isn't played in a very interesting way, because it's not like we see him get hurt or put in any especially vulnerable positions as a result. so if they're going to build knuckleduster up from "a single pure, undistilled trope" to "a developed character of some interest" by giving him an intriguing backstory or something... hurry up and do it already, he's been in practically every chapter since chapter 0.

don't even get me started on the portrayal of midnight (the hero) in this comic. if you don't see something wrong with her deciding to be a high school teacher so she can (as she Almost Explicitly Stated) jerk off the high school boys, i'd like to encourage you to think once in a while. and the way she stopped that suicide bomber villain, that wasn't even in character with the already messed-up character of actual canon midnight-- she's supposed to be a dominatrix, but in that suicide bomber scene, she was just seductive and nurturing! isn’t a dominatrix supposed to be hot but neither seductive nor nurturing? she didn't step on him or anything. they couldn’t even get that specific over-sexualized character right without over-sexualizing her in the wrong way. smfh. did horikoshi-sensei really sign off on this?

in conclusion: the primary saving grace of heroaca vigilantes is the fact that iida tensei appears and is wonderful for a whole chapter. i’ll keep reading because it’s interesting in how it relates to the main heroaca canon, not because there’s much of anything that makes it worthwhile in its own right. though i do like koichi.

EDIT: no wonder there’s hardly anything about this on pixiv...

[iphoenixrising]

You are an amazing writer and I love your stories. I was reading one of your crossover prompt responses and couldn't stop wondering about the part you left unanswered. Who do you ship Tim with in the Marvel verse?

Hi babe. Just, okay, soooo. Ah, @yozoraarashi talked to me about the possibility of Tim staying in the MCU at one time (it’s here) so O_O here’s a little something. Ah, it’s terrible and unedited, however, the saving grace is the suit. So, I regret nothing.

**

The golden R on his chest gleamswickedly, sharp, in the night, and hejust breathes.

He might be older now, wiser than thelast time he did this, but it’s acrazy thing how his heart is pounding so hard,like when he was new to everything and throwing himself off buildings wasn’t second nature.

And standing on the Iron Man platformof Avenger’s Tower, looking out over this world’s version of New York City, hegets that incredible feeling all over again—like he’s starting over. Like hecan do things right this time. He’sgot the knowledge, the fight, and the right reasonsto put on the domino, to let the black and yellow hang to his heels, to heftthe bo like it’s an extension of his limb. He still has the same drivecultivated during his tenure, the need to be part of the Mission—to doeverything he can to make sure the baddies in the world don’t get to hurt otherpeople, to make sure no other little eight-year-old boys have to watch theirmommies and daddies die.

Robin is goingout there tonight—and he’s bringing a whole lot of please, try me along for the ride.

Behind him, the others have come outinto the night to watch him make thislittle leap.

At dinner, before the suit went on, hegave them a brief outline of his intended route, gave appropriate yet vagueanswers.

Widow talked to him about his techwhile he taped his hands past the wrists and ankles (six around the wrists,eight around the ankles) before the boots and gloves go on. She hands him thebelt, then the gloves, watching theritual with interest and a little allhe’s missing are knives, maybe a nice .40.

And even though he takes to theshadows, makes his way up to the platform through vents in the Tower, they’restill already outside waiting.

It’s a nice team effort—one he doesn’treally expect, but it’s nicenonetheless.

Tony hitches, hesitates, because healready knows how much the kid needs this—a hell of a lot more than heinitially let on in the beginning, but Tony, who feels absolutely responsible for the brilliant vigilante(and sure he wants everyone tobelieve it’s because of his brain power or whatever, but really, a kid with absentee parents, a kid that wanted to be partof something, a kid that wanted to save his hero…that’s so much of his own past, his own pains, his own regrets that making the Robin suitwas really for both of them, wasn’tit?) had to make sure the suit had the best weaves of Kevlar and Nomac just because. And (even if the others just followed him to the Iron Man platform)he came out here to wait just because he needs to throw it out there before the vigilante dives off their building (again—we have a jet, you realize) that this world, the Avenger’s world,isn’t kind to people without super-something that try to play thegame.  He knows all about it.

He wants to take Tim Drake (Robin) by the arms and tell him to checkin at least once an hour, not to hesitate to call if things get out of control,not to push himself to some ridiculous idealized standard of what Robin should be—no one here is going to hold youto that.

But Tony knows better. Nineteen is really only a number in regards to Tim—the kid probably hasn’t been that young before he hit puberty.  

So instead, the engineer just puts out a hand ina hold up motion and steps in toRobin’s left side, leaning in. Robin meets him, waits for it.

“The R is a tracker. Just in case. Onetap will activate it.” The if you needanything is left unsaid, but understood.

The return smile is sharp in the night,whiteouts gleaming, “thanks. You never know when I might need take-out or someshit, right?”

And Tony laughs easy, moves a hand toRobin’s shoulder, squeezing lightly until Jim’s metal fingers around his wristpull him back, away so Robin canstride to the ledge of the roof, the cape a mesmerizing swish, flash of goldand black. Steve’s hand is on the small of his back, palm warm, Jim’s metalthumb rubbing against the soft skin of his wrist in a soothing motion.  He feels better while they watch Robin’s bodyarc sharply in mid-air as he leaps.

**

His sensible argument: in any world,this is New York. There will becrime.

And he totally swore he would not take on any supervillain megalomaniacs bent onworld domination by himself (mmhm, sure he won’t), so it’s just simple thingson the roster for tonight.

But fuckif it isn’t a whole different kind of headspace when he’s wearing the R again—theoriginal. Even though this world knewnothing about the basics of Robin and what he was supposed to stand for, eventhough the majority of the world thought he was just some make believe character out of DC’s fantasy land, he still leapsa little higher, kicks a little easier, and rides the line between shadows alittle stealthier.

It’s the most alive he’s felt in who knew howlong.

He’s two muggings and a foiled robberyin when the massive sounds of utterfucking destruction make him perk up noticeably from a tenement rooftop.

A few swings to take him further uptown, closer to Time’s Square and—

Holy Shit

“I think we did this dance last time,and you still have all the samemoves!”

Swinging around, the friendlyneighborhood Spider-Man has the art of wittybanter down to a science. It would be really nice if the governing Leagueof Bad Guys would give them some better material? Just a little script of afew doozies, some pointers on how tocarry a bad guy monologue. Something.

Guys like the Rhino? No rejoinders at all.

“STAND STILL SO I CAN CRUSH YOU!”

See? Where’s the fun in it?

“Who would ever agree to that? I mean, you’re not serious, are you?” Spidey landsit in time to dodge an oncoming trash can, keeping an eye on the gawkinginnocent bystanders that have nosense of self-preservation. Something that never ceases to amaze him, no matterwhat battle is going on, like hm, why notrun like hell right about now? Aw,and miss the free show?

That’s New Yorkers for you.

“Tell you what,” Spidey slings the web,swings to snatch flying debris, “I’ll thrown down for one month of free lessons? How about that?”

“WISE ASS!”

Rhino is starting to get angrier sincehe’s dodging, catching flying debris, trying to keep the damage and injuriesdown.  There hasn’t been enough fight yet for the former thug andcurrent test subject, and that’s justwhat Spidey is waiting for.  He’s learnedfrom previous experience, let Rhino tire himself out and then boom. Cut the bull, the banter, and bringthe real fight.

Spidey makes another dodge, anotherroll, fwips another web out, a pull of super strength and he’s over Rhino’shead, making sure to bop the bad guy on the back with his foot, something toget the villain just that muchangrier, push him to make a misstep.

“C’mon, Sytsevich, I’m already wearingred here! Toro, toro!” He half-laughs as he lands it again, waving a casualhand in a come and get me kind ofway. He’s already placed himself against a bus bench away from people, so whenRhino charges—

“That’s for bulls, you know,” a voicefrom right behind him deadpans. “Rhinoscharge anything because they’re assholes.”

And Spidey spins to catch sight of theyoung man with a line clenched in one fist while he swings like a boss. With hisown propensity to dodge between buildings on patrol or use his epic mid-air capabilities, Spider-Man knows when some noob is trying out his luck with the forces of gravity. The blur ofred, black, yellow, and green isn’t one of them—as a matter of fact, he lookspretty damn at home in the sky.

Spidey’s whole body tenses, watching,ready to jump, fire a web, swing, whatever he needs to do in case this kid getsright in Rhino’s way and maybe starts a charge—

“Hey Rhino!” The apparently brain-damaged costumed guy calls when helights down on the sidewalk, right by theangry villain! “Is that a horn onyour head or are you just happy to see me?”

Said supervillain honestly does see red and turns incredibly fast for someone his size, charging.

Spider-Man yells as one arm shoots outto throw a web, shove himself into the air becausethat guy is going to get himself killed, but he’s not going to make it intime to get that idiot out of the—

And it’s another death on his hand,isn’t it?

His pulse is meaty, coppery on the backof his tongue, nerves frayed, Spider-Sense tingling (at what, Rhino never sets it off that much, and this guy is?) because he can already visualize what the aftermath is going tolook like, how the ribs of that tunic are going to crushed into ripe redviscera and bone fragments and—

But while he’s in mid-air, headingtoward the charging bad guy, other arm out to throw another web, he onlystutters a second because the masked guy leaps.

The new player jumps like he’s anacrobat, arms extended in the backflip, the double-booted kick taking outRhino’s jaw (which is impossible fora regular person to just!); the villain has a second of some woozy look at the pretty birdies going onwhile Robin leaps around him for another shot, this time strafing around thebigger fighter to hit the Rhino suit with two very pointed nerve strikes. Withouteven getting winded, he takes the Rhino’s legs out from under him, making onearm go completely numb and his legs utter useless.

The masked man throws a batarangattached to a hard-tensile jump line. It circles the criminal several timesbefore coming back to him, the ropes tight enough to keep the good arm fromdoing much.

Robin makes sure the rope is good whilethe Rhino struggles and yells pointless curses—something about “I’ll get youand your little dog too!”

Whatevs. He’s heard worse from Bane,okay?

“Whoa,” Spidey lands right next to him,masked face turned toward Robin, and with years of wearing a mask under hisbelt, Robin can tell when the brows are notched up. “You…You’re the real deal, aren’t you? Another crimefighter?”

A slow smile spread, the old Robinsmirk, one that feels familiar on his face. And just, well, Spider-Man, is so absolutely kick-ass.“I guess you can say that. I’ve, ah, been at this for a while. Not here though.”

The two heroes back away as the NYPDand special crime unit in charge of detaining super-powered bad guys step up toget the Rhino on his feet and to the waiting transport.

Robin grins over at Spider-Man, capearound him to keep the whole aura ofmystery thing going on.

“I can tell. Not everyone can take downsomeone like the Rhino,” Spider-Man holds out a hand, “but it’s always good tomeet such nice boys in the neighborhood. Superheroes meet on Wednesday nightsin Midtown at Kiss My Slice andnewbies buy.” And yes, Spider-Man had been doing this for the last four yearshimself, starting in high school not long after the death of his Uncle Ben,realizing he had this…this opportunityto do the right things—

So he knows real training, a professional(and no noticeable powers at this point, but really, who knew what he was hiding under that killer cape?), and this guy? Is someone to watch out for(he might have taken a second toplace a tracker. You know, maybe).

Robin chuffs a laugh and shakes theoffered hand, “Superhero? Not really, but a vigilante? Absolutely.”

Spider-Man grips the gloved hand, “weall have the same goals, right? I hope. I’m Spider-Man, by the way, in caseyou’re not from around here.”

“I’m…not, actually, but still a big fanof your work, Spider-Man.”

The Web Head chuffs a laugh this time,“and so, what do I call you then?”

And even with reporters, police,people, and all the commotion of Time’s Square, Spider-Man’s heart gives a hardbeat when the masked man smirks at him, teeth white against the black domino.

“Robin…you can call me Robin.”

**

An hour later and they’re literallydiscussing the elements of space/time and dimensional travel. You know, for fun.

“I can’t—”and Spidey paces back and forth on the roof of his own apartment building (nota fact he’d let Robin in on just yet), waving his hands back and forth. Theremnants of pizza and drinks are still sitting on the spot while Robin watchesover the ledge, looking for any trouble on the ground. His radio has been tunedto the police scanner frequency, and really, it’s only a matter of time (New York, remember?).

“It’s a lot to take in, I definitelyget that,” Robin replies, the whiteouts up so he can see Spider-Man with hisown eyes. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve collected your comics for thebetter part of a decade. This? Thisis totally a fanboy’s dream.”

The laugh coming out of the WallCrawler is slightly strained as his scientific mind works at the data—and Robinknows exactly what he’s thinking.

“I’m totally real, promise. I startedwith the Robin mantle when I was twelve. At the time, I was trying to get thefirst Robin—”

“Dick Grayson.”

“…yes. Trying to get Dick to come back,to be Robin again. When he couldn’t…I stepped up.” He shrugs, “a lot of shitwent down between then and now, but suffice to say, we’ve been able to provethe multi-verse theory is apparently morethan just a theory.”

And Spidey finally stops pacing to sitnext to Robin (Tim) again to regardthe Caped Crusader, one currently propping an elbow on a raised knee to resthis face on a green fist.

“Honestly, none of this should beshocking,” the wall crawler admits after a moment of thought. “Really, it makesperfect sense considering the alignment of continuous alternate realities.”

Robin lifts his face with a there you go gesture.

See? Same page. Someone around his agethat actually speaks English.

“You already know who I am?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the originalSpider-Man, but Marvel went through some crazy continuities and ret-conned someof your backstory.”

Spider-Man’s held tilts curiously.

“Peter Parker is the original.Considering we’ve been having a conversation about the laws of physics andapplication of Star Trek tech to a particle accelerator—”

“—while taking out muggers andthieves,” Spidey interrupts and holds out a fist for bro knuckles.

Robin gives him one, grinning, “—I candeduce you are the Peter Parker version of Spider-Man, probably at the part ofyour backstory where you work for J. Jonah Jameson, taking pictures of—” hebrings up the quote fingers, “—“Spider-Man” for the Daily Bugle.” And Robinglances over his shoulder, eyes sweeping the immediate area while Spideywhistles even with the mask on.

“Yup,” Robin points a green finger upthe corner of a building not far from their rooftop pizza session, “there’s oneof your cameras. You had three positioned close to the fight with Rhino. Goodangle and still hard to see.”

And yes, the professional Nikon seriesis obviously webbed under the lip of the roof. Now, Spidey is impressed,staring at Robin with wide eyes behind his mask.

“I’m also a detective,” Robin fills inwith a quirk of the lips, “not just a fanboy.”

And Spidey leans back, head tiltedback, so he can laugh. The mask stretches, moves, and he finally reaches underhis chin to pull it up and off; notnecessary to keep it on if the crime fighter across from him (trans-dimensional traveler, one that workswith the Tony Stark!) already knows the big secret.

Robin’s eyes get wide behind thewhiteouts and Marvel… is really not doing Peter Parker any favors.

At all.

He’s handsome in that unknowing kind of way (just like Bart inso many respects), grinning back atRobin with genuine goodness in his dark eyes.

“They we’ll do it right this time,” andthe hand sticks out again, “it’s nice to meet you Tim, I’m Peter Parker, yourfriendly neighborhood wall crawler.”

And welp,when Robin grips that hand a second time in one night, his heart might give aharder beat against the R, and he might just have found something in the worldhe had least expected.

[hakyeonni]

planet Earth is blue (and there’s nothing I can do)

pairing: hyuk/leo

words: 6089

rating: m

summary: taekwoon avoids looking up at the earth, because it just reminds him of everything he left behind.

notes: this is a space au, and there are warnings for character death.

“Houston, this is Horizon, do you read?”

Taekwoon catches Hakyeon’s glance at him from all the way across the other side of the module and turns back to the comm panel. It’s not his job to be doing this—he’s trained in the radios, of course, is trained to do everything, but he hates speaking to Houston—but he’s the one who noticed the warning light, so it’s up to him to broadcast it.

“Horizon, we read you loud and clear.”

“I’ve got a warning light on the oxygen generator for the LM.” He narrows his eyes at the offending light and flicks it with a finger, but it doesn’t even falter. “It’s not the bulb acting up again. Looks like a genuine warning this time.”

Hakyeon—shamelessly eavesdropping, although it’s not hard to when the Horizon is as small as it is—floats over to him, peering at the light and pursing his lips. His hair, which he wears relatively short, floats loosely around his head. Even though Taekwoon’s been in zero-g for a week now, the sight is still mildly amusing; Hakyeon, and Wonshik by default, always look like they’re underwater. He supposes he looks the same, but he tries to avoid mirrors. “Fucking budget cuts,” Hakyeon sighs, and Taekwoon looks down to make sure his finger is off the mic button and they’re not broadcasting. “Will we ever get a moment’s peace?”

Their mission’s been plagued with issues from the start—for the first forty-eight hours, the comm panel liked to light up like a Christmas tree with warnings for everything from their shields to their oxygen generators to their thrusters, and they’d come very close to aborting before Houston had sheepishly informed them it was the lightbulbs going haywire and that all their systems were actually operational. Hakyeon, as Commander, had been livid; Taekwoon doesn’t know him very well, but the way he’d gone a fascinating shade of red had been enough to tell. Wonshik had just laughed, and had floated to the end of the ship to tinker with the electrics; the issue had been fixed after that, or so they’d thought. Wonshik’s first expedition to the surface had been riddled with issues—the Lunar Module’s engines hadn’t wanted to fire to bring him back to the Horizon, and Wonshik had had to do a repair while still in his spacesuit. Extravehicular activity, or EVA, was strictly scheduled, and Houston hadn’t liked that Wonshik nearly ran his oxygen tanks empty trying to get back to the damn ship, but none of them had liked the fact that he’d nearly died. They still hadn’t aborted, because Houston had declared the problem fixed—and to be fair, the LM ran smoothly after that, and the last three moon landings had been a resounding success.

With a wry smile, Taekwoon points to the patch stitched onto the breast of their clothes, and shakes his head. “This is our mission motto for a reason,” he mutters. Per ardua ad astra—through adversity to the stars. Taekwoon had suggested per ardua ad luna, considering they weren’t even going to any stars, but Hakyeon had just rolled his eyes and said that he wasn’t asking NASA to change it.

“Don’t know who I pissed off in the chain of command to get stuck with this mission,” Hakyeon snipes, but before Taekwoon can react looks up and winks.

Their names will be etched in the history books forever, even though they aren’t doing anything particularly noteworthy—nothing that’s not been done before, at least. The Kratos program is the first in a two-program plan to build a base on a moon, and as part of Kratos 3 they’re the first people to set foot on the moon in sixty years; Kratos 1 and Kratos 2 had been unmanned supply drops. Because they’re the first, they are, of course, guinea pigs, and all the kinks that have yet to be ironed out are cropping up in force. Taekwoon has no doubt that from now on the subsequent Kratos missions will be less dangerous and less stressful, but some small, selfish part of himself wishes it wasn’t him that had to deal with it.

“Horizon, this is Houston, come in.”

Taekwoon pushes away from the comms panel, floating backwards, letting Hakyeon take over. “Houston, this is Horizon. Go ahead.”

“Uh, we can confirm that there’s an issue with the oxygen generator for the LM. It seems to be an electrical issue.”

Hakyeon hangs his head and closes his eyes, and Taekwoon curls his hand to his chest instead of reaching out to pat him on the shoulder in sympathy. If Taekwoon’s having a shit time, he can’t imagine how the others are feeling—Hakyeon as Commander, and Wonshik who has to clean up all of NASA’s messes. They aren’t that close, though, so he fingers a loose thread on his patch and says nothing.

“Wonshik,” Hakyeon warbles. To Houston, he says, “Roger. I’ll ask Wonshik to take a look and see if it’s something we can fix up here. Do you have the telemetry data?”

Pushing off the wall, Taekwoon floats down the ship, towards their beds—not beds at all but rather capsules that they’re strapped into—and the LM. Sure enough, he finds Wonshik munching on a muesli bar while reading a book and spinning listlessly around, and grabs his ankle to pull him in closer. “You’re needed,” he mutters dryly, plucking the muesli bar out of Wonshik’s hand and shoving the rest of it in his mouth.

He’s closer to Wonshik than he is to Hakyeon, because he and Wonshik trained together—as well as with Jaehwan and Hongbin, who got stuck on reserve—whereas Hakyeon had already been trained by the time they got there; this is his second mission in space. So when Wonshik pretends to punch him on the arm he does nothing except push him away, back down the ship, book still in hand. “Electrical issues again?” Wonshik calls, to either him or Hakyeon.

“Yes,” they both reply in sync.

Wonshik just rolls his eyes and throws the book gently back down the ship towards Taekwoon, who catches it deftly. “Let me guess. I bet it’s Pathfinder.”

This time, it’s only Hakyeon who replies—Taekwoon is too busy rifling through Wonshik’s book. “Yeah,” he sighs, and the tone of that one syllable says more than anything else.

Perhaps Taekwoon should be worried. Perhaps he should be riddled with anxiety, dreading what’s to come, because it’s his turn next to go in the LM down to the surface to collect data; he’s already been once, and hated every minute of it. But he’s not anxious at all. It’s not that he has complete faith in NASA, because he doesn’t, but moreso that he is engulfed in an apathy so broad in scope it’s what caused him to leave the planet in the first place. Whatever happens will happen, que sera sera, etcetera etcetera. Wonshik will get the problem fixed, anyway. He always does.

//

Wonshik works through the night to get Pathfinder ready for his launch the next day, which Taekwoon appreciates if only vaguely. He wishes Hakyeon would just pack it in and abort the mission already. They’ve had certainly enough problems to justify it. It would also mean that he wouldn’t have to go down to the surface again, wouldn’t have to stare out at the vastness of space, wouldn’t have to keep his head down and try to ignore the Earth looming up in front of him. But when he clambers out of his sleeping capsule the next morning to float down towards where the food is stored, to find Hakyeon already there, staring out a window, he sighs inwardly. “Are we go for Lunar EVA?”

“Yeah.” Hakyeon raises one shoulder in a shrug. “Wonshik found the problem. A couple of faulty wires. He’s fixed it. Hey, have you seen this?”

Taekwoon deliberately turns away from the window and reaches up to pull out a pouch of breakfast food. “Sunrise? Yeah. I’ve seen it plenty of times on Earth, too.”

There’s a long silence before Hakyeon continues. “You don’t like seeing space, do you?” His tone is curious, but in a way that makes it clear he’ll shut up if Taekwoon asks.

“I don’t like… seeing what I left behind,” Taekwoon replies, before realising he’s said entirely too much and sticking a pouch of water in his mouth.

Being an astronaut isn’t easy, and the training weeds out many potential applicants. He’s never told anyone why he decided to join NASA’s space program; it never seemed pertinent. The others all have their reasons, anyway. Some are chasing glory. Some are doing it for the fun of it. Some, like Hakyeon, bitch and moan but secretly love every second of being in space. Some, like Taekwoon, have their own demons that they’re trying to leave behind. He’s not sure if he can find the answers out here—doesn’t know if the empty void has what he’s looking for—but it’s a damn sight better than what he was doing at home. At least up here he’s managed to stop thinking of Sa—of the people still down on Earth, going about their lives.

He finishes breakfast in silence, and suits up for his mission to the surface, feeling strangely sombre. The others strap him into the LM and boot up the computers for him, fussing around the tiny cabin, tightening straps and doing last minute checks. The capsule was designed for one, but can really fit one-and-a-half, so they take turns to squeeze in and out. Taekwoon gets Wonshik’s foot in his face at one point, and reaches up to tickle it, and they share a laugh that bursts out of them with such intensity it surprises Hakyeon, who thinks something’s wrong for half a second. By the time they close the door after him, he’s feeling surprisingly optimistic, which isn’t like him at all.

He keys the button on his mic and adjusts his headset. “Houston, this is Lunar Module Pathfinder reporting ready to launch for Surface Exploration Mission 5. I’ve got green lights across the board.”

The reply comes a moment later. “Pathfinder, this is Houston. Confirm ready to launch for SEM 5. Cleared for detach from Horizon.”

This time, the voice over his headset is Hakyeon’s, warm and familiar. “Detaching from Horizon.”

With a thump from above his head—where the airlock is—the Horizon’s magnetic locks detach, and Taekwoon watches his screens as, slowly, the Pathfinder moves away from the bigger ship. The trip down to the surface doesn’t take long—only a few minutes—and all he has to do is sit there as the multi-billion dollar ship does what it is supposed to, for once. The nervousness that wasn’t there previously rushes back in waves, just as it had on his previous mission to the surface; there’s something about going down there alone that utterly freaks him out.

“Taekwoon,” Wonshik blurts over his headset, startling him out of his head and making him jump. “How are you doing?”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m fine. Pathfinder at a thousand feet above the surface.”

“Decent rate stable.” That one’s Hakyeon; he’s probably shoved Wonshik away from the mic.

“Eight hundred feet.” Taekwoon grimaces as the cabin shakes. “I’m getting some turbulence again. Houston, when are you gonna fix this thing?” It’s irrelevant, since he hasn’t keyed his mic and isn’t speaking to them.

Hakyeon snorts into the mic. “When they actually get a usable budget. Six hundred feet and looking great.”

“Four hundred. The computer’s adjusting my trajectory a little. We had some drift.” He leans forward, his fingers flying over the keyboard, eyes scanning the data. A year ago this would have all been gibberish, but by now he’s fluent in the numbers the computer is giving him. “That’s just atmospherical, though. Not the LM’s fault.”

“For once,” Hakyeon replies sarcastically. “Three hundred… two hundred.”

“Landing gear extending.” Taekwoon glances out at the window to see the moon looming up towards him. “One hundred feet. Propulsion jets firing… now.”

He’s pressed into his seat as the rockets fire, bringing him safely down, and as the LM settles on the surface he sighs. His body is heavy once more, being dragged down by the moon’s (albeit relatively pitiful) gravity, and it’s a very strange feeling after so much zero-g time. “Houston, this is Pathfinder. Confirmed contact with Lunar surface. I’m down safely.”

In his ear, Hakyeon lets out a breath as Houston replies. “Pathfinder, glad to hear it. How did she behave? Everything working ok?”

“Still green lights across the board. I got some buffering on approach,” he replies, undoing his seatbelt and waiting for his body to float free before remembering that’s not going to happen here. “And some drift, but that was atmospherical, as far as I can tell. I’m suiting up now for scheduled EVA of five hours.”

“Roger that, Pathfinder.”

Getting dressed—even if it’s just pulling on the bulky white space suit—is harder than it looks, especially when his legs are all wobbly from the zero-g. He has to sit down for most of it, and almost wishes there was someone else to help him. He’s not sure why NASA made the Pathfinder a one-man craft. If you asked Hakyeon, he’d probably say to save money; if you asked Wonshik, he’d probably say to save on mechanical trouble (not that that’s worked so far). Taekwoon himself isn’t so cynical, and thinks that maybe it’s just because only one person is needed for the type of work they’re doing. The next program, Zelos, is going to have a different LM entirely, which means they won’t have to deal with the Pathfinder’s quirks.

By the time he’s suited up and ready to leave the ship, an hour has already passed, although he barely realises it as he glances down at the comically-oversized watch on his wrist. “Houston, this is LM Pilot Jung Taekwoon, about to leave the Pathfinder for SEM 5.”

“Go ahead, Taekwoon. Godspeed.”

Just like last time, passing through the minuscule airlock is a chore, but it’s almost worth it for the view he gets when he opens the external door. Almost. He’s never seen anything like the surface of the moon for as long as he’s lived; by the time he was born, Apollo 11 was practically ancient history. It’s nothing but grey as far as the eye can see, but an unfamiliar, foreign grey that makes it patently clear he’s somewhere he shouldn’t be. That’s not to mention the stars, beckoning to him, so much brighter than they are on Earth. Somewhere behind him is the planet itself, but he doesn’t turn back to look. Hakyeon says that looking at Earth makes him feel calm, but it makes Taekwoon feel like he wants to vomit most of the time. He came here to get away from Earth, anyway, so the last thing he wants to do is be reminded of it.

The first step he takes onto the surface is a solid one. Last time he’d fallen over the moment he’d stepped out of the LM, because in addition to being used to zero-g he was also very unprepared for the gravity of the moon. Here he only weighs about ten kilograms (although with his bulky spacesuit it’s probably closer to twenty), and that difference takes a bit of getting used to. This time, though, he’s prepared, and his first few steps away from the LM are wobbly but somewhat stable. In front of him, a few hundred meters away, are the basic materials for the base that’s to be constructed. Most of it will be done remotely, via rovers and drones that will be sent over the next few years. Kratos 3’s mission objective is to survey the site and make sure it’s suitable for a base, as well as collect samples and perform experiments back on the Horizon. The area he’s landed in is called Oceanus Procellarum, or Ocean of Storms, although what storms the name refers to Taekwoon’s not sure. There’s nothing as far as the eye can see except the materials for the base, himself, and the Pathfinder behind him. He is utterly alone.

He takes his sixth step when it happens. He’s catapulted forward with no warning at all, like he’s been given a tremendous kick in the back. With the lesser gravity, he goes spinning and bouncing over the ground so fast he can’t even tell which way is up anymore. All he can see through his helmet is sky-ground-sky-ground-Pathfinder on fire-sky-ground, and the last thought he has before he blacks out is why didn’t I hear anything?

//

“I killed him. I fucking killed him.”

“Wonshik, stay calm. That’s an order. You didn’t kill him. Houston, what the hell just happened? I’m getting no data from the Pathfinder at all.”

“Horizon, standby.”

“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Houston. What the hell was that? Is Taekwoon still alive?”

There’s a long pause, and Taekwoon takes a breath in, and another breath out. He’s alive. How?

“Horizon, as far as we can tell there was an uncontained explosion from the Pathfinder module. All systems are down. Repeat, all systems are down for Pathfinder.”

“Oh, god.”

He’s lying flat on his back. When he opens his eyes, all he sees is the stars. Per ardua ad astra. Huh. How fitting it turned out to be.

“Taekwoon, do you read? I repeat, Jung Taekwoon, do you read? This is Horizon. If you read, respond immediately. I repeat, Taekwoon, do you read me?”

Blearily, his first thought isn’t of Hakyeon or Wonshik, orbiting somewhere above him. Instead he thinks of Sanghyuk, of Sanghyuk’s smile, of Sanghyuk’s eyes. Inwardly he chastises himself. He’d been doing so well. “Horizon, I read you,” he slurs, closing his eyes. He almost feels drunk, which is probably a bad sign; he’s probably concussed. “I read you loud and clear.”

“Taekwoon, this is Houston. Do you read? I repeat, Taekwoon, do you read me?”

“I told you,” he says, struggling into a sitting position, “I read you.”

Another moment of silence where he can just breathe. Vaguely, sluggishly, he runs through a checklist in his mind of all his body parts: arms, legs, hands, feet, head. He’s fine. Lucky that his suit didn’t get punctured, or that he wasn’t thrown against a rock, but apart from his spinning vision he’s fine.

With the bulkiness of the spacesuit, it’s impossible for him to look over his shoulder, so with difficulty he shuffles around 180 degrees to look behind him. He doesn’t really know what he’s expecting to find, but what he sees makes him rock back on his heels, sending him sprawling backwards. Dread wreaths him as he stares up at the stars once more, glittering and sparkling bright, tempting him with what cannot be.

Pathfinder is a shell. A charred, blackened, burnt and empty shell of what it used to be. Uncontained explosion, Houston had said. What a gentle way of putting it. The ship is completely gutted and unusable. There’s probably nothing even worth salvaging.

“He isn’t responding.” Hakyeon’s voice is faint in his headset. “Houston, I’m getting no reply.”

He rolls over so he’s on his hands and knees, peering up at Pathfinder, slightly in awe of the extent to which it’s burnt. It’s probably the concussion that’s making him so slow, because it takes him a few seconds to process what Hakyeon’s saying, and his heart nearly stops in his chest. There’s a radio receiver on his suit, but the uplink was wired through the Pathfinder—he can hear what Houston and Horizon are saying, but there’s nothing to transmit his broadcasts to them. “I read you,” he says again, more panicked this time. “I read you! Hakyeon, I read you!”

“Roger, Horizon. Standby for further instructions.”

“This is my fault,” Wonshik sobs, and Taekwoon feels his heart break. “It’s my fault. It was the wiring. I fixed it as best I can, but I bet it short-circuited. I never…”

When Hakyeon speaks, his voice is soft, gentle, softer than Taekwoon’s ever heard it. “It’s not your fault. Wonshik, it’s not your fault. None of this is anyone’s fault. Houston, do you read?”

“Er, roger, Horizon. We’re not getting any data from the surface. It’s impossible to say what happened.”

Taekwoon’s breath is laboured now, and his helmet is starting to fog up as he curls his fists and stares at his only way off the moon, a blackened and charred mess of twisted metal and plastic. “I read you,” he repeats faintly. “I read you, I read you, I read you, I read you…”

“But it’s safe to say that—that Taekwoon’s… That Taekwoon didn’t survive. He can’t have. Right?”

Sanghyuk, is what he thinks when he turns around to stare at the Earth for the first time since he landed. It’s huge in the sky, so much bigger than the moon is back home, and gorgeously blue. Just like always, he feels sick when he looks at it, but this time it’s weirdly comforting. Nausea, he can handle. Physically shaking, he can handle. What he can’t handle is the fact that he is entirely alone and about to be left for dead. His oxygen is going to run out in a matter of hours, and even if it didn’t there’s no way for Hakyeon and Wonshik to get to him, anyway. It’d be another week or more before NASA scrambled and readied the second Horizon.

He’s going to die here.

“I read you!” he screams, even though he knows it’s helpless. “I read you! Houston, I fucking read you! I’m down here!”

“Horizon… There’s very little chance he survived. Abort mission. I repeat, abort mission. Prepare for immediate departure for Earth.”

“Roger,” Hakyeon replies faintly, but Taekwoon can barely hear him. He’s too busy sobbing helplessly, staring up at his home, the place he can never go again.

//

The first hour passes in a blur of tears and sobbing and eventual resignation.

He wants to mute the others, but he can’t bring himself to do it—they’re his last contact with the world, and this will be the last thing he hears, so he listens to their dialogue as he writhes and twists himself into knots. It’s not the done thing, he knows. All his training was to give him the skills to cope with disaster. But being left for dead is not a situation they were ever prepared for, and all of a sudden he finds himself yearning for a planet he never really liked in the first place, with a fierceness that wracks him so brutally he screams for what seems like hours and hours. After the tears comes the rage, and that’s easier to deal with—anger makes him get up, anger makes him tear apart the remains of Pathfinder in search of something that can help him, anger makes him focus his hopelessness into something real. There’s absolutely nothing in the ship that he can salvage, which is extraordinary; he knew fire was deadly in space, but not to this extent.

By the time he resigns himself to what will happen, he’s exhausted and panting, and the oxygen levels in his tank have dipped substantially. What was initially a supply for five hours is now giving him three, and for some reason the concept of that is hysterical. People always want to know when they’re going to die, and now here Taekwoon is, with a countdown to his death strapped to his wrist. It’s handy, he muses, leaning against a large rock and tilting his face to the stars. All his achievements, all his training, all those times he’d fought with Sanghyuk over doing something as idiotic as going to space—it’s all come down to these three hours, ticking gaily away.

“Trajectory for Earth confirmed.” Hakyeon’s voice is soothing in his ears, and he knows he will not hear it for much longer. The further they get away from the moon, the harder it will be for the uplink to remain up. “Firing rocket boosters in three, two, one…”

He closes his eyes and resigns himself.

//

The second hour passes in a flurry of exploration.

Pretty soon after he hears Hakyeon and Wonshik blast away from the moon, he gets up and decides to poke around his little corner of the Earth—or the moon, rather. When he’s walking around, he doesn’t have to look up at the Earth, and he doesn’t have to see everything he’s left behind and be reminded of how he’ll never see it all again. Walking also consumes oxygen, and while he’s not actively suicidal he doesn’t relish the idea of languishing, waiting for death; he’s always liked doing things, being proactive, and sitting back and watching the minutes tick by doesn’t sit right by him.

The oxygen generators—nor water generators, nor food supplies—haven’t been dropped off at the base yet. That’s a mission for Kratos 5, a manned mission whose purpose is to set up the base and make it as habitable as possible. All that lies at Taekwoon’s feet is the raw materials—giant sheets of plastic and metal that, one day, will become a base. The idea that sometime in the future, when Taekwoon’s long-dead, people will be living on the moon, going about their business like humans living on another celestial body is no big deal. If he knows anything about NASA, the space he’s standing on will probably be dedicated to him. The Jung Taekwoon Lunar Base 1. It’s a nice thought, but too little, too late.

He hikes over to a nearby ridge, and climbs it, although he’s not sure what he’s expecting to find on the other side. It’s just more nothingness, as far as the eye can see, and when Taekwoon peers out into the void he realises he is the only person around for thousands of miles. The thought is slightly amusing; he’d left Earth to be alone, but he hadn’t anticipated being this alone. Not that he really minds. The solitude is somewhat peaceful, which he didn’t anticipate.

When he turns his face back to stare at Earth, a remnant of a conversation long-gone flashes into his mind, before he can even process it properly.

“Don’t go,” Sanghyuk begged, stroking Taekwoon’s face like the more he touched him, the more likely he was to stay on Earth. “Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to… I hate the thought of you up there alone.”

Taekwoon smiled, and caught a few strands of Sanghyuk’s hair between his fingers. “I won’t be alone. I’ll have my team with me.”

“Not on the moon.” Sanghyuk shook his head vehemently. Taekwoon could see tears beginning to form in his eyes, and the sight of it made his breath hitch in his chest. “You’ll be alone on the moon and I hate that. It’s not you. You belong here, with me.”

Taekwoon had never belonged anywhere, and the stars were calling to him, although he wasn’t sure why. It was too complicated for Sanghyuk to understand, anyway; there was no point trying to put in words how he knew he was destined for something greater than this, that he wanted to explore, to be a pathfinder in the name of science. “Sanghyuk,” he’d pleaded, because this was going to tear them apart if they let it.

He deliberately turns his face away from the Earth to survey the stars once more, feeling vaguely sick. Little did he know that the force calling him up here was the weight of his own death. If he’d known that, he probably wouldn’t have come. Probably. He and Sanghyuk had been torn apart anyway, not just by the distance but by the circumstances.

Ignoring the way his lower lip is wobbling, he turns to the right and begins to walk along the ridge, figuring he needs to keep himself busy. He may as well explore some while he’s here. He’s setting many records today—third man on the moon since 1972, fifteenth overall, first man to die on the moon—and it seems pertinent to add as many as he can. Going out in a blaze of glory doesn’t sound too bad.

//

The third hour is quiet.

With half an hour left to go, he finds the spot with the best view—which turns out to be leaning against what’s left of the Pathfinder—and settles himself in. He knows what’s going to happen to him, and it’s probably not going to be pleasant. At least he can do it looking at home.

“Horizon, your trajectory is good. Emergency backup shields up and holding strong.” Houston’s voice is getting fainter and more crackly in his ear, but the human contact is comforting.

“Thank god for that,” Hakyeon replies, but Taekwoon knows he’s not speaking to Houston. “Without Pathfinder to shield us on reentry, that’s the only thing keeping us from being burnt up. And I’m still not confident they’ll hold.”

“This whole mission was doomed from the start.” That’s Wonshik, and he sounds a lot calmer than the last time Taekwoon heard him.

He isn’t wrong. Long before they even stepped foot in the Horizon, all signs were pointing to staying on Earth as the best option, for Taekwoon especially—Sanghyuk had begged and pleaded until he was blue in the face. He hadn’t signed up to be the boyfriend of an astronaut, he’d said. He hadn’t signed up to watch Taekwoon fly away into the sky with a very good chance of him not coming back. At the time, Taekwoon had never quite understood his protests; the mission was dangerous, sure, but not to the extent that Sanghyuk should have been worried about it as much as he was. Little did they all know. Taekwoon snorts and hangs his head. If the circumstances weren’t so morbid, Sanghyuk would have loved to know he was right all along.

Aimlessly, he digs his gloves into the dirt, coating them in that grey dust, frowning at it. He knows he’s going to die here, he knows, but it’s almost like it hasn’t set in properly, like his brain is refusing to process the fact that he’s alone and he’s got fifteen minutes to go.

“Houston…” Hakyeon starts, sounding very faint indeed. “Have you told the family?”

Taekwoon closes his eyes. He doesn’t have much family to speak of—his parents passed away a while ago, and he hasn’t spoken to his sisters in years. Sanghyuk’s the only one who cares about him these days, and he’s not sure that still applies after what had happened the last time they spoke.

“I won’t do this.” Sanghyuk was sobbing, openly, and Taekwoon reached for him. Why? What about this mission made Sanghyuk so convinced they were all going to die up there? “I won’t stand by and watch you fly away without me. I can’t spend the next year, two years, worrying myself sick.”

Taekwoon tried to pull Sanghyuk closer, but he resisted. “What are you saying?” His voice was cold, even, too cold. He didn’t mean to be detached from this, but he didn’t know how else to cope with the horrible things Sanghyuk was saying.

“That I’m leaving,” Sanghyuk replied, wrenching away from Taekwoon and wrapping his arms around himself.

He waited for a moment, for Taekwoon to protest, but he didn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t know how to deconstruct Sanghyuk’s walls, to show him how ridiculous he was being. He didn’t know how to say I can’t live without you. He didn’t know how to say I don’t know why but I need to go. So he stayed silent, watched as Sanghyuk’s face fell when it became clear he wasn’t going to say anything, and he did nothing but stare as Sanghyuk turned away and walked out of his life.

“Horizon, ah, no, we haven’t. We’re keeping it quiet until splashdown and then work out where to go from there. All the media knows is that the mission was aborted due to an issue.”

His wrist monitor starts beeping at him, loud and persistent, and when he raises his arm he realises he’s starting to get sluggish, and the alarm screeching at him is an oxygen warning level. It’s begun, then.

“An issue,” Hakyeon laughs wryly in his ear. “Understatement of the century.”

He keys his mic, even though he knows they can’t hear him. “I agree,” he mutters, watching as his breath fogs up the bottom of his helmet. “Houston in the blind, do you read me?”

“We left him down there.” Wonshik’s voice is so devoid of emotion he sounds empty.

“No you didn’t,” Taekwoon replies. “No, we didn’t,” says Hakyeon.

“What kind of a conversation is this?” he asks them, staring at Earth like he can see them. “I’m just talking to myself, now. Houston in the blind, do you read?” The silence that comes through is deafening. “Houston in the blind, do you read me?”

Nothing.

The communications uplink is gone; they must have flown out of range. The reading on his wrist says five minutes as he gasps raggedly. He is alone. It was easy to pretend he wasn’t when there were voices in his ear chatting away. But now it’s patently clear. He’s the only living being on this damn rock, and he’s going to die here, and he’s never going to be able to touch Sanghyuk’s face again. Stupidly, that’s what he thinks of. Not of all of Earth’s wonders, not of the sunrise or the sky or the feel of grass underneath his feet—no, he thinks of Sanghyuk, and forces himself to look up at the sky. If only he’d listened.

“Houston in the blind,” he starts. His heart is pounding, now, which is one of the first signs of carbon dioxide inhalation. Four minutes, his wrist reads. “Don’t… don’t let Hakyeon blame himself. Or Wonshik. It wasn’t their fault.”

He looks off to his right, at the unforgiving, harsh landscape of the moon, and sighs. “We don’t belong here. Nothing superstitious… But this isn’t our place. It’s pretty clear it wasn’t made for us. Wasn’t made for me.”

He’s gasping, he realises. Oh. The oxygen in his tank must have ran out, so all he has is what’s left in his suit, which isn’t much. Elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, fatigue. He knows all the signs of carbon dioxide inhalation—they all do—but to recognise that he’s in the midst of it is another thing entirely. He could panic, but he doesn’t have the energy.

Oh, god. He’s going to die here.

“Houston in the blind.” His voice sounds a bit faint, now. Three minutes. “Sanghyuk—he’s listed as my next of kin. Tell him…” The Earth looms in front of him, so blue, so very blue. “Tell him he was right. I should have listened. I didn’t…” He coughs. “I didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

Two minutes. His breathing is ragged, now, and he feels incredibly nauseous. He knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

“Houston in the blind. Tell him I…” He’s wracked with a round of coughs so violent he nearly throws up, but he manages to keep his breakfast down, with strength he didn’t even know he possessed. “He knows, but tell him anyway. Tell him I love him.”

One minute. Things are hazy, now, as he coughs and coughs and coughs. There’s no air, there’s no air, he can’t breathe. All he sees is the Earth, blue and huge and looking for all the world like it’s going to swallow him up. He wishes it would, even as he begins to slip away, his vision going black around the edges. The universe lied to him, he realises belatedly. All he was destined for was to die here, like this, coughing and entirely alone. He doesn’t have the strength to mourn the life that could not be.

The last thing he sees is a swimming sea of black and grey, a mirage of what he cannot have, Sanghyuk’s hand reaching out towards him like he’s really there. With a gasp and a twitch and a shudder, he closes his eyes and lets go.

[anghraine]

“wandering inside this night” - fic (1/2)

fandom: Star Wars

characters: Han Solo, Leia Organa, Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso; Han/Leia, Jyn/Cassian (shutupshutupshutup)

length: 1350

stuff that happens: Jyn’s and Cassian’s survival is very good for the Rebellion and very bad for Han Solo.

As he strode into the control room, Han kept Leia in his line of vision. She didn’t even look at him, just kept fiddling with some controls as she talked with Cassian Andor.

That didn’t help. Andor was … well, Han had a pleasant conversation with him once.

Exactly once.

The TSO concert somehow gave me the dazzling realization that Jyn/Cassian making it to ESB = Jyn/Cassian around during the great Han/Leia meltdown of 1980. Given the Jyn-Han and Cassian-Leia parallels and my headcanons around them, I am utterly delighted by this. I vaguely imagined this in the Death Star 'verse, but it doesn’t matter.

I. Cassian

Han resigned himself to the inevitable.

The Rebellion, that was Luke’s and Leia’s deal. He’d done his part. He stuck around for them, as long as he could, and then some. But he was no dreamer, certainly no revolutionary. He looked after his own and looked after himself. And the odds of doing either if he kept playing around with Rebels had sunk very, very low.

If he’d gotten literally anything out of it, that might be different. Might be. But there was what, surviving ice and snow with Luke? He counted Luke as a good friend, his closest friend, but leaving wouldn’t change that. Luke had come to his own terms with what Han was. And Leia, well. She’d made herself damn clear.

Still, he had some hope of … something, when he went to report his resignation. He made sure to do it at a time when she would be there, and could interfere if she wanted. He didn’t expect her to beg him not to leave her, just—he didn’t know what he expected.

As he strode into the control room, Han kept Leia in his line of vision. She didn’t even look at him, just kept fiddling with some controls as she talked with Cassian Andor.

That didn’t help. Andor was … well, Han had a pleasant conversation with him once.

Exactly once.

As far as he recalled, they’d talked cordially for maybe fifteen minutes about the man’s latest blaster. Andor, whose character combined burning zealotry and icy pragmatism in equal and unattractive measure, did not possess many qualities Han admired—but he did have excellent taste in weaponry. Not that it was the real reason for the conversation. Leia had worked with Andor back in her spying-in-the-Senate days, and after Alderaan, they maintained what they termed a good working relationship and normal people called friendship. Vaguely, Han thought placating Andor might help with the princess. Idiocy—not that he’d succeeded at either.

As far as Andor’s brief foray into courtesy went, that had to be his wife’s doing. Han considered her a good woman, a good friend, and usually a good drinking buddy—much too good for Andor, in fact. Luke’s conspiracy theories aside, Han could scarcely believe his ears when he discovered they’d been quietly married for almost a year. With the Death Star and all, well, things happened under stress. But marriage? Jyn Erso and the galaxy’s prissiest assassin? Apparently so. Somehow they managed to stand each other, and now and then, Andor unbent a little for her sake.

A very little. And not at all, right now.

“We do need more information out of engineering,” he was saying to Leia, “but training isn’t enough at that level. Anyone who comes near will be checked double, triple.”

“Then we’ll have to get a real one,” said Leia, decidedly. “Can we recruit? Out of the Academy, maybe?”

She didn’t ask Han questions. Not when she wanted a real answer. Han glanced towards them, though of course he had nothing to see except Leia’s back and Andor’s angular face. Did Leia find it attractive? She might. She and Jyn had plenty in common—maybe similar tastes in men, too. For one beautiful moment, he fantasized about smashing that face out of shape. Unfortunately, he felt sure that people who attacked Andor didn’t enjoy the life expectancy Han was looking for.

“That will be too young,” Andor was replying, just as Leia said,

“No, definitely too young.”

Said the twenty-something ancients, thought Han. He wasn’t guessing at their ages; if he had, he would have thought them both older. But Leia was actually the exact same age as Luke, twenty-two on Empire Day. He knew because he looked it up the day they met. Andor, meanwhile, turned out to be several years younger than Han. He owed that unwelcome knowledge to a drunken night of complaining with Jyn Erso, which had included a rant about Andor’s forthcoming birthday (twenty-nine).

Even drinking with Jyn made it all worse, in a roundabout way. Andor didn’t seem to return his jealousy in the slightest. And he had better reason for it. Not that Jyn—but it wasn’t like Andor and Leia did anything together except plot the overthrow of the Empire. Jyn, though she didn’t flirt, certainly did go carousing with the men now and then. Yet Andor regarded this with the same cool indifference that he regarded everything. It might be a front, but Jyn said he really didn’t care. She actually laughed. Cassian’s a walking database of Alliance secrets. He doesn’t want me to live my life on guard just because he has to.

Han walked up to General Rieekan, trying to glower in Andor’s direction without actually looking at him. It didn’t really work.

“Solo?”

“No sign of life out there, General,” Han said. “The sensors are in place. You’ll know if anything comes around.”

“Commander Skywalker reported in yet?” asked Rieekan.

“No. He’s checking out a meteorite that hit near him.”

Rieekan studied the screen in front of them. “With all the meteor activity in this system, it’s going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.”

The officers with him murmured agreement, thankfully drowning out the peripheral conversations in the war room. But a quick look showed Han that Leia still paid no attention, instead saying something that had Andor nodding his head.

Han took a deep breath. “General, I’ve got to leave. I can’t stay anymore.”

Did Leia’s back stiffen? It might have. He couldn’t read body language quite as easily under five layers of quilted snowsuit. Andor looked his way, though, which Han counted as a minor victory.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Rieekan was saying.

“Well, there’s a price on my head,” said Han. “If I don’t pay off Jabba the Hutt, I’m a dead man.”

“A death mark’s not an easy thing to live with,” Rieekan said.

Han suppressed the feeling that he’d just acquired a new one. He could feel Andor’s gaze and Leia’s studied indifference from across the room. When he chanced another look, Leia had definitely stiffened, but not even turned around yet. Andor, usually expressionless beyond an occasional fine-grained amusement, stared at him with open loathing.

“You’re a good fighter, Solo,” Rieekan said. “I hate to lose you.”

Han felt a nasty sort of clench in his chest. It would’ve been easier if they’d cut up over it, forced him to defend ditching all this, but the officers just gave him sympathetic looks and nods. Except one, of course.

“Thank you, General,” said Han.

Andor turned back to Leia and raised his voice. “We believe that we have the only full technological readout, but the decentralization of the project is a danger. The technology and design of many of the components must be intact, and Galen believed himself to be useful but nonessential.”

Leia set her shoulders. “I’m afraid so. We need people there.”

Enough of this shit. As Rieekan moved away, Han clenched his jaw and walked right up to them.

At last, Leia turned towards him. She could make him stay. With a word, if she wanted. But she regarded him with scarcely less contempt than Andor, her face pale and mouth tight.

Han hadn’t planned his departure, exactly. But if there had been a plan, this wasn’t it. Andor, at least, had withdrawn a few feet and now gave every impression of being deep in conversation with his creepy black droid. It didn’t change anything, at this point.

“Well, your Highness,” Han said roughly, “I guess this is it.”

Leia lifted her chin. “That’s right.”

It didn’t matter. None of it mattered, and nothing clever or charming or convincing came to mind. She’d never admit that she was a real woman, that she—

“Well, don’t get all mushy on me,” he snarled, and it sounded adolescent even to his own ears. “So long, Princess.”

As he stormed away, he heard Leia shout after him. He ignored her. See how she liked it.

The droid said, “Another ignorant fool. Wonderful.”