#and you have to explain that your metabolism is very different from his but then you get to see him sluggish and sleepy after he eats

[naffeclipse]

What if Eclipse from AP was a naga? And this took place in the deep jungle of the amazon, where photographer y/n is trying to take pictures of the wildlife?

I'm vibrating at the speed of sound over this ask while also nudging my naga au

Naga Eclipse from AP would have the tail of a Green Anaconda, with an olive green scaly color dotted with black, framed by burning-like flares of orange along the length of his slithery body. He's also decorated with orange-yellow striping on either side of his long, slipper form. His upper half is scaley with a lithe deadliness to his musculature and decorated by frills surrounding his head with brighter orange-yellow colors, almost hypnotic in their gradient hues. One eye is deep emerald green, and one is midnight blue.

Lucky you—you're out on a once-in-a-lifetime expedition to explore a jungle closed off to the public, funded by Fazco, and occupied by two researchers who will be your bunkmates for the next few weeks. You're itching to take photos of the large river, including swamps, marshes and streams, and whatever wildlife is out there.

The few locals you did meet before you left to hike the rest of the way to what would be your new, isolated home warned you of a dangerous snake—a large, mythical beast. You take note of the local folklore. You understand the truth is hidden in there somewhere, and you are well aware of the dangers and diseases you could be met with in such a harsh environment, but you're determined.

It doesn't take long for you to feel eyes watching you when you first venture out by yourself. You take beautiful pictures of freshwater fish, big and beautiful, unlike any you have ever seen. Of course, you have hundreds of snapshots of the local flora, the trees, the floating meadows, the thick vines that drape each branch and hang thickly about the ground. You almost forget that you eerily don't feel alone.

But you swear something moves in the water—the ripples stop as soon as you look. The stillness is suddenly stiff, lifeless. Even the birds have stopped chirping.

You lower your camera and carefully put it away. A trickle of fear slips into your heart. You turn away from the river's edge only to be met by a low hiss and a creature, unlike anything you witnessed in your travels, spooling itself neatly out of the water, blocking your path to the base. An incredible creature with long arms and a great, serpentine tail that seems to stretch for yards and yards. You can hardly breathe in his presence—he's otherworldly with his frills and scales and fangs.

His eyes contain a mesmerizing shine as if staring into a fire as it burns or watching the ocean as it laps up against the beach, drawing your attention, demanding you don't look away. You couldn't anyway. Half-frozen, you struggle to keep from collapsing. He beckons with a sharp talon. He hisses softly for you to come closer, mouse. He wants to see you. You try to beg no without revealing how terribly you tremble. He doesn't let you go. He insists. His eyes flash with an allure. You almost step close when he murmurs that you need to be good.

But then your sense of survival kicks adrenaline into your heart, and you turn to run—

He strikes faster than your eyes can follow. Two loops of his green and orange tail surrounded you in an instant. You're dragged to the ground, your arms pinned under his mass, and the back of your head cradled by his large palm as powerful muscles squeeze you in the slightest—a gentle rebuke for thinking you could get away. You're hyper-aware of the terrifying bulk of muscles as you lie trapped in his coils. One strong twist and your eyes could pop out of your skull, and every bone protecting your heart and lungs would crumble to shards. You gasp. An urge to kick your legs and struggle erupts in your panic; a sinking feeling tells you it would only make things worse.

He coos over you, hissing and humming in an ancient song of the jungle you have no name for. When you whimper, he shushes you and strokes your cheek. He tells you how lovely you'll be. When you talk back to him, somehow finding your tongue amid your horror, you find out his name. Eclipse. He moves you more upright, resting you on his tail so you're not petrified by how vulnerable you feel lying down, but he never loosens his scaly bindings. He hovers over you. You gaze into his stunning frills of yellow-orange and wonder how a being like him came to exist. He studies you as you study him. He grins at how you shiver when he traces your collarbone with a sharp fingertip.

You remind yourself that you can still breathe. He hasn't crushed you—yet—but you don't like how wide his smile is. Sometimes, his jaw stretches a little too long as if dislocating from his skull, ready to devour you. His eyes gleam with a ravenousness as scales twist around you, holding you close enough to smell the slick green water he had been in and deep musk.

He tells you that he'll see you again very soon—away from other humans, lest you bring him a fine gift for a meal. You can only flex your fingers, silently pleading in your heart that he won't unhook his jaw and eat you alive.

Then, he unravels himself from your limbs. But before he lets you go entirely, he leans in close, his serpentine tongue flickering close to your neck and by your hair, tasting the air around you as you muster all your strength to not scream. He inhales deeply, pleased, before he murmurs, "Sweet mouse. You are mine. Say it."

You don't understand, but you echo his command, and when he taps your chin once in what might have been a loving gesture, you force your jelly legs to solidify before you run and run, all the way back to base. You slam the door to your room behind you. You touch your ribs, your arms, still caught in the heavy sensation of his loops as if he were upon you right now.

The stories are true—there is a giant snake in this jungle, and he wants you. You're afraid to discover if Eclipse's intrigue with you is only an exotic way to satisfy his hunger.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

I loved your idea more actually for Part 18 of the Eri Reader Series (Sorry for the splurge, I’m just so excited and I love this series so much, it’s so damn cute)

Since what I was thinking is for Boa Hancock fawning over Reader (My question is, do you think Hancock would fawn over Reader? Especially when Luffy tells her why he wants to protect his Little Sister, and if so would she want Reader to call her ‘Big Sister’ or ‘Mama’?)

I thought about this whole comedic bit where if Reader did join Luffy, she was hugging Hancock in the front since she’s very tiny (But she was slowly sliding down, giving Hancock the appearance of a bit of a Round Tummy, making her appear a bit ‘bloated’)

So when she did her usual demand of privacy as well as gigantic portions of food (Including desserts and fruits for some snacks) and having such violent and sudden ‘mood swings’, the Marines became suspicious, and snooped in her quarters when she was gone (As she visits Ace) and discover kid stuff and realize what’s going on!

Boa Hancock, the Pirate Empress is secretly PREGNANT!! (If it’s not obvious, I had WAAAY too much fun coming up with this)

OMG this is so funny!

-The marines were all mummering to themselves, confused as to why Boa Hancock, Pirate Empress, needed so much food. She wasn’t a very big woman, and she was very fit so it didn’t make sense.

-One marine piped up, “Oh maybe she just has a high metabolism- being that beautiful would need a lot of energy, right?” a few agreed, before another one spoke, “But that doesn’t explain her wild mood swings. One moment she was glaring down at us, calling us all filth, then she turned- her whole face was bright red!”

-The more they talked the more confused they were as they reached their destination of Impel Down and they got ready to dock.

-When Hancock walked out, she looked as beautiful as she normally does, but there was something different about her.

-You were hugging her from the front, as Luffy was in the back, being hidden by her cloak, and they noticed her dress was a little less form-fitting compared to the normal dresses she’s seen wearing.

-You were struggling to stay up, wiggling only slightly which made her freeze, a soft ‘eep’ leaving her lips, her cheeks turning a bit red, and eyes went wide, seeing her with a slight bump on her stomach.

-She continued like nothing had happened, scolding one of the marines who asked if she was alright, “Don’t talk to me filth!” Seeing such a dramatic swing in her mood was so confusing- it didn’t make sense as to why!

-As they entered the room she had been in, seeing all the food that had been decimated, they couldn’t believe it, seeing all the meat, fruit, vegetables, and bread gone.

-One man found something, collapsing to his knees as he gawked, looking like he had seen a ghost as he held something up- a dress that a child would wear, an extra she had brought incase if you got dirty, showing Luffy that she was attentive and would be a good mother to their future babies!

-Jaws were wide open, seeing this, and adding up the small bump they saw, along with her appetite and wild mood swings- it made perfect sense- Boa Hancock was pregnant!!

-The news spread like wildfire, almost everyone knew within the day that she was pregnant, including Boa Hancock who had turned to stone herself for a short while, in complete shock as she realized what they had all seen with you hiding inside of her.

-With some connections and a few favors owed to her, Hancock was quick to stifle the news, turning it into tabloid news, fake news. She wasn’t pregnant, at least… not yet.

-She gushed before the war, holding her cheeks as she imagined her being pregnant with Luffy doting on her, concerning many marines outside of her room as they heard loud squeals of delight, curious as to why she was so fired up.

[ceapa-mica]

Grand Admiral Thrawn - The NSFW Alphabet 💋

I had the autistic urge™ to put my Thrawn thots into alphabetical order. This Thrawn NSFW alphabet is the result of my three month Thrawn brainrot. Enjoy! ❤️

There is no mention of the reader's gender btw.

🔞 This is 18+ content, minors stay away! 🔞

First of all, congratulations! 🎉 You successfully managed to seduce the Galaxy's smartest, most emotionally constipated, art loving, morally grey character. That's very brave of you!

Now let's get started!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Thrawn makes sure you're cleaned up and comfortable. If you're big on cuddling, this could be something he has to get used to first. He would also remind you to use the refresher after sex to avoid catching a UTI.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your human eyes fascinate him, he likes to imagine what a painting done with the color of your irises would look like. As for himself, it's his arms. He loves how you seem to fit perfectly into his warm embrace. He holds you close with them, safe from any harm.

One day after taking a shower with you, he looks at the reflection of your nude bodies in the mirror and realizes that you two look like a piece of art together. He loves the contrast of his blue skin and your [your skin color] skin together.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This man cums a lot and I imagine it tastes slightly different from human cum. He likes cuming inside you but also likes seeing you covered in ropes of his cum like a work of art. Where he cums depends on where you want him to cum, and if you don't care, it just depends on where he wants it to go. If he had to choose one, he would always cum inside you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

When he first felt attracted to you, he had searched for erotic art of people that resemble you to figure out if those feelings are in fact attraction.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Thrawn only had very few partners before you, but he's a quick learner. He definitely knows the basics and should he be unfamiliar with something you wanna try, explain it to him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position that offers him a good view of your body. He loves seeing you on top, looking up and admiring you riding him. To him your body is a work of art, this man worships every inch of you!

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc

Thrawn is a serious person. His sense of humor is very dry and he wouldn't use it during sex. He's focused on you, and you only. Making you feel good and leaving you satisfied afterwards is something he takes very seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

You can't tell me this man doesn't have a hair and body care routine. I imagine Chiss don't have much body hair in general. (To keep warm on Csilla they have thicker skin and a high metabolism.) He keeps his looks clean and tidy, and yes, the carpet matches the drapes.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Look, this man wouldn't just go and sleep with anyone. He's a Grand Admiral and has a reputation to maintain. If he sleeps with you, you must mean a lot to him if he decides to take that step with you. To him it's a way to connect with you on a deeper level. He continuously tells you how beautiful you are and what he loves about you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Before you he used to masturbate rarely and during your relationship he stopped masturbation altogether. He simply prefers sex with you over his own hand. Unless you're separated for a longer period of time, that's when he would masturbate only while calling you via holocomm where you can see each other and satisfy each other's desires from afar.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He has a competency kink™. Watching you work on something you’re good at, being all professional, it makes Thrawn melt. He will keep up his mask until you're alone with him in his quarters, then he will be all over you, praising you for your good work and fucking you senseless.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Thrawn has a reputation, he's a Grand Admiral, you wouldn't catch him in the act in a supply closet or anywhere else on board of the Chimera that isn't his quarters. He wants his private life to remain private. Inside his quarters he has a large bed and a comfortable luxurious sofa, and he likes to take you on either.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Like I said before, he's into competency, and there's nothing more attractive to him than you passionately talking about work or hobbies, anything that you love doing. The passionate spark that appears in your eyes makes him want to support you unconditionally and at the same time makes him want to take you to his bedroom to show you what you mean to him. Oh and you explaining a piece of art to him he doesn't know much about yet? Instant turn on!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Thrawn draws the line at degrading or hurting you. He doesn't understand how anyone could actually enjoy that. To him, you are the most beautiful person in the Galaxy, and he makes sure to remind you of that whenever he can. He always asks for your consent too, just to reassure himself you actually want this.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Thrawn clearly prefers giving oral. To him your taste is something he didn't know he needed, and now he could spend hours down between your legs, lapping up your juices and stimulating you, making you cum over and over on his tongue. He doesn't mind receiving oral, but definitely prefers cuming inside your pussy or on your body instead of inside your mouth.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Thrawn is very thorough when it comes to sex. He wants you to feel all of him, so he prefers being slow and sensual. Unless you crave a fast and rough fucking or when he's had a bad day at work (some pent up frustration over Krennic’s antics idk) then and only then will he go for fast and rough sex.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn't like them and he doesn't do them. He wants to take his time to love you properly, and that can't be done in a ten minute quickie.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Sure, he's up to anything you're willing to try, unless it's something that could hurt you or involves other people. Thrawn would never share you with anyone, that's unheard of where he comes from.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His enormous self control allows him to go for hours. An average human body would be exhausted after two rounds with him. So the question should be how many rounds can YOU go for?

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Thrawn is open to new ways of pleasuring you. Initially he doesn't know much about sex toys, but after you explain what you want to try with him, and after some research on it, he's willing to try out toys with you. He prefers using them on you instead of himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's a patient man, and he knows about the perks of delayed gratification. When he's in the mood to tease, he will edge you. He loves watching you squirm underneath him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Thrawn is not very loud. Labored breathing, moaning into the crook of your neck and occasional grunts when he picks up the pace are the only sounds you can expect of him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

With your consent, he would either paint a picture of you in the nude, or pay an artist to do it, so when you're separated, he can have a piece of you with him, that's only meant for his eyes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Thrawn has a healthy muscular body with several scars from past battles. I imagine his cock looks pretty much human, safe for the color of his skin of course. It's just slightly bigger and it has alien ridges that feel incredible when inside of you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very high until you came into his life. He didn't know he could feel this way about anyone. With you his sex drive is average, he makes time for sex when his busy schedule allows him to. You better have nothing planned for that period of time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Chiss don't require as much sleep as humans. While you doze off next to him, he works on his datapad some more before falling asleep, or he simply watches you sleep peacefully next to him while being the big spoon. You should get used to red glowing eyes in the dark when you stay overnight or move into his quarters.

If this has inspired any additional thots, pls let me know in the comments. ❤️

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Maroon

The rust that grew between telephones, the lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon...

"You're Losing Me" Chapter List Part of The Inspired By Taylor Swift Series Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

You creak a bleary eye open, lifting your head off Bucky's chest. You gently nudge Bucky, "Hey."

"Hmm," Bucky sleepily groans, refusing to open his eyes.

"What time is it?"

He sighs, his voice raspy with sleep, "Dunno, why?"

The sun filters through the window, cascading down onto the hardwood floor you'd both evidently dozed off on. "The sun's coming up."

You chuckle as both of Bucky's eyes whirl open to the soft light flooding the room, "Oh shit, really?"

"I think we giggled ourselves to sleep."

He wipes his eyes, chuckling, "I guess so."

Your lips linger on his. He softly smiles against your mouth, signing in contentment. "How'd we end up on the floor anyway?"

"That cheap ass rose you brought last night? No offense."

"I stole it from my roommate, no offense taken." You look up at Bucky with a cheeky grin, "And let's not graze over the fact that a couple bottles of wine knocked us on our asses."

"Well, not exactly," he sheepishly chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "Liquor doesn't really affect me. Super soldier metabolism, remember?"

"Oh my God," you groan, exasperatedly rubbing at your temples. "So you were sober while I was acting like a wine drunk idiot."

"No, no! Don't be embarrassed, I thought it was cute."

"I think we have very different definitions of cute."

"We were having fun, and you sat on the floor, I wanted to sit with you." 

"See? That's cute."

"It was a good night. I had fun, and I hope you did too."

"Clearly a little too much fun." You remembered passing the night with your feet in his lap, laughing like he was your closest friend. "I swear I'll never drink again."

You wake with his memory over you. Just like always.

Your mouth feels like it's full of cotton, but considering you remember very little of the night before, you don't feel nearly as bad as you thought you would. 

You creak open a bleary eye, surprised that no raging migraine awaits you at the sunlight filtering in through the curtains. You settle back into bed and relish in the comfort and familiarity, for the first time in months, the pillows beneath your head feel right, the blankets soft and cozy just like the ones in your home. 

That's when it hits you like a ton of bricks. 

Home. 

Flashes of you drunkenly stumbling down the hallway leading to your apartment rattle around your skull. 

"Oh no," you mutter to yourself, jolting upright. You look around to find yourself fully clothed in the dress you'd picked for your girls night with Nat and Wanda except for your shoes. You find your soft comforter gently laid over you. But most importantly, you find Bucky sheepishly standing in the doorway, a large glass of water and aspirin in hand. "Oh God."

He sucks in a breath, softly exhaling, "Hi."

"Hi."

He awkwardly clears his throat, "How - how do you feel?"

You swing your legs off the bed, sitting upright as swiftly as you can, "Honestly? Not nearly as bad as I thought I would."

"Fortunately, I think you slept through most of your hangover," he chuckles, handing you the glass of water and placing the aspirin in your hand. 

You smile and murmur a quiet thank you, taking a moment to down the medication with a large gulp of water. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Um, well, you sorta slept the whole day," Bucky sheepishly explains. "It's almost four now."

"Four?" you exclaim. 

"I'm sorry," Bucky winces at the outburst. "I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful, and I knew if I woke you you'd feel like shit, so I just let you sleep." 

"No, no, it's alright," you immediately backtrack, not wanting to make Bucky feel bad. "I just - Nat and Wanda are gonna be pissed with me."

"Don't worry, I texted them last night when I found you here, I told them you were okay, that I'd stay with you." 

You shut your eyes, sighing in relief, "Thank you."

"Any time."

Your eyebrows pull together, trying and failing to pull pieces of your memory back together. "You said you found me here?"

"Um, yeah, well, Natasha called me," Bucky explains. "She asked me if you'd called, and she told me that you took off in a cab alone, that you were very drunk. And I just took off. First place I looked was here."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just barged in like that."

"It's alright. It's as much your place as it is mine."

You open your mouth to tell him that, no, it's not your place as much as it is his. Not anymore. You'd left. This was his home you drunkenly stumbled into last night. 

He clears his throat again, "I'm just - I should let you get changed, freshen up. Your stuff is right where you left me - it. Right where you left it."

You offer him another tight smile, "Thank you."

Getting dressed takes no time.

You move around your old bedroom easily, gliding across the floors. You memorized the creaks in the floor, studied the feeling of the exposed brick beneath your fingertips, you knew this place like the back of your hand. That's part of the problem, it all feels so right, so much like second nature. And you still can't stay here. You know that. 

Like Bucky said, everything was right where you left it. But that was the whole problem, wasn't it? Everything was exactly as you left it. Nothing had changed. One whole month had passed, and nothing was different except a month's worth of distance. 

You could sit here, on the warmest bed you'd ever known, and convince yourself that things were different, but you knew they weren't. He couldn't take back what he said any more than you could. You couldn't make him want you any more than he could make you content with his perpetual callousness toward commitment. 

When you finally muster enough courage to leave the bedroom, you're immediately hit with fragmented memories of the night before.

Drunkenly trudging though the place.

Taking a painful walk down memory lane.

And drinking. Quite a bit of drinking.

You wince when you catch sight of the nearly empty bottle of Bucky's expensive whiskey as it sits on the counter. "I swear I'll replace that."

Bucky chuckles, dismissively waving his hand at the bottle, "Don't worry about it." 

You stand at the edge of the apartment, still tucked in the doorway of the bedroom, feeling more vulnerable than you ever thought possible in what was once your safest place. You find that you don't know what to say to him. Words escape you as you stand before the love of your life. You can't bring yourself to stop thinking about him like that.

Even if it doesn't work out, even if you leave this apartment today with nothing but a wounded pride and a slight hangover, he'll always be the great, life altering, love of your life. 

The distance in your eyes kills Bucky. The way you stand there like you don't know what to do with yourself. The way you hold yourself like you're bracing yourself for whatever comes next. It hurts even more because he can't deny that this is his fault. That much he knew.

He couldn't take back what he said. He couldn't undo the damage done. All he could do was hope that he could still somehow fix it. He'd be damned if he didn't at least try. Bucky clears his throat, a nervous tick you hadn't seen him do this many times consecutively since your first date, "I, um, I ordered some burgers from that place you like down the street."

"You didn't have to-"

"I wanted to," he insists. "It's your favorite hangover food."

"You remembered," you chuckle. "I think the last time I got those burgers was when we split that bottle of wine I stole from my old roommate."

"That's right," Bucky delightfully recalls, a laugh bubbling out of his mouth. "We ended up on the floor."

"And we spent the next morning cleaning the incense of your vinyl shelf," you fondly reminisce. "I'm still shocked that we didn't burn the whole place down."

"I forgot about that!" Bucky jovially agrees. And then there's another long lull in the conversation. It was never like this before. The night in question was one of your first dates. Only a month or two into the relationship. From the moment you arrived to Bucky's old apartment, it was easy. Conversation flowed as easily as the wine did. You laughed with your feet in his lap like you were his closest friend. "That's right, there's that little burn mark on the third shelf from that night."

Things only got better from there.

From there, you saw each other every day. When he wasn't with you, he was counting down the minutes until he could see you again. It didn't matter if he was at your apartment every day, or if he was gone on a month long assignment, it was always like no time had passed.

When the press found out about your relationship, and they were raking you both over the coals, it still wasn't like this.

It was always easy. Even when it was really hard, it was easy. 

You were always his safe place to land, always the kindred spirit he yearned for, it was everything he didn't believe he deserved and more. You were it for him.

And now, there was silence. Not the comfortable silence that came when two people understood each other. The sort of silence that spoke a million, heartbreaking, earth shattering goodbyes.

He swallows the knot in his throat, tossing it back along with his pride, "I guess it's a good thing that we actually have furniture now. No one's been here, so I'm sure the floors are a little grimy."

You feel your heart splintering, worrying that your drunken fears from the night before had become your grim reality. Your stomach churns again, picturing him in love with other girls. You clear your throat, "You - you haven't been staying here?"

"No."

All you can bring yourself to say is a meager, "Oh."

"I've been staying on the Compound."

"You hate staying on the Compound," you retort.

"I know," he sighs. "I just - I couldn't stay here. This is our home. Alone, it felt wrong. It's our place. Not mine."

You scan the apartment over your shoulder. The light still filters in through the curtains, giving the room a soft, hopeful glow. Your eyes trail over your assortment of houseplants, each one alive and well despite your month long absence. You quirk an eyebrow at Bucky, "You've been coming back here just to water the plants."

A light blush dusts over his cheeks, he rubs the back of his neck, "After all the time you spent trying to keep them alive? I was sorta worried they'd come back and haunt me if I let them die."

You find your heart fluttering at the small acts of kindness. Ordering your favorite hangover food from years ago, keeping your plants alive, rushing to find you in the middle of the night. It was so quintessentially Bucky, it reminded you of how well you worked together. Even after years together, he always prided himself on the small acts of service to his loved ones. 

The doorbell rings, interrupting your runaway thoughts. Bucky clears his throat, the two of you still standing in the very center of the living room, "That's probably the food."

After what was probably the best burger you'd ever eaten, paired with swapping memories and little stories of how you'd spent the last month, you fondly smile up at Bucky. He sits beside you, finishing up his burger with a content smile. 

Your heart strings are no longer just being tugged, they're practically yanking you closer to him, begging you to stay as close to him as you possibly can. And you have to admit to yourself, the calm domesticity does nothing but remind you of how much you miss him. 

You ignore your raging emotions the best you can, instead crumpling the wax paper in your hand, tossing it in the garbage can, "That was exactly what I needed."

"I want you to come home," Bucky blurts. Your face drops at his sudden declaration. Apparently, you weren't the only one whose heart strings were being tugged. Bucky shuts his eyes, silently cursing himself for his tactless proclamation, "I - I - Shit. I had this whole speech planned out. I planned every single word and I swear it sounded so much better than that."

You chuckle, oddly endeared by his flustered, stammering self, "It's alright, Bucky."

"I do, though. I want you to come home." His ocean blue eyes bore into yours, swimming with sincerity. His hand lingers just next to your, longing to reach out and take your hand like he did so many times before. "I hate this. I hate being apart. I just keep waiting for you to walk through that door every single day. And every single day, you don't. And I get why you don't, and I know I screwed up, but I just want you to come home. I miss you."

"And I want to come home," you tell him. "And I miss you so much. So much, it physically hurts."

He guesses that there's an addendum to that, "But?"

"But this isn't going to go away, Buck. And we can't keep pretending that it will."

"I know that."

"If we don't want the same things anymore, then, maybe-" You can't bring yourself to say that maybe you're not meant to be. It tastes too bitter on your tongue. It feels too definite. The words make it too real. And, as it turns out, you don't have to finish the sentence. He knows what you mean. 

His tone is flat as he asks you, "Is that what you want?"

It's his worst nightmare, of course. But if it's really what you wanted, if leaving him would make you happier, then he knew he would have to let you go.

"Of course it's not! This isn't what I want." You wildly gesture around the room, "None of this is what I want."

"Me either."

"So what so we do?"

He can't answer the question. He still doesn't know the answer. And now, you don't either. "You're it for me. This is it for me."

You can't help but notice that he still won't answer your question. And worse of all, now, your answer is just as unsure and indirect as his, "You're what I want."

He reaches for your hand, squeezing it tightly like if he just hangs on, if he holds onto you, then maybe it'll be okay, maybe you can weather the storm. He just needs to hold on tight enough. "And you're what I want. More than anything."

You look down at his hand, dejectedly shaking your head. Your voice trembles, "What if that's not enough, Bucky? We're living two very different lives right now. Lives neither of us want to give up."

His arms rest against the counter. He holds his head in his hands, and from where you sit beside him, you can't see the silent tears streaming down his face, "How the hell did we lose sight of us?"

Your voice is as hollow as your eyes are, "I don't know."

"I'll be done if that's what you want," Bucky bargains. Only, you're not sure that he actually means it. You're only sure that this isn't what he wants, he's only placating you. "I'll walk away from the team, I'll be done."

"That's not what I want!" you desperately exclaim, frustrated that he still isn't understanding what you want from him.

"But you said-"

"I said I wanted a future. I want to know we're still moving forward. But I want that with someone who wants that... and I don't think you do," you quietly admit, looking down as tears well in your eyes. 

"I do! I do want that. I'm just- I'm not done yet. I'm not finished. I haven't earned it yet."

"Earned it? Is that what this is about?"

It was a discussion you'd had before. About Bucky's feelings of being unworthy, of still punishing himself for his past. Therapy eased some his deepest fears and insecurities, but you both knew he still had quite a bit to work through when he stopped going a few months ago. To be honest, you were surprised that this hadn't come up sooner. 

"No!" he almost shouts. "I'm not done. There's still more work to be done, that's what I mean."

"There's always going to be more work to be done." You beg him to see it, to see that this isn't a healthy way to live, that there would always be more work to do, always more people that would need saving. He couldn't put his life on hold waiting for the his work to be done. And he couldn't ask you to wait while he did that. "Always. Am I supposed to sit and wait until you decide that you're done?"

"And am I supposed to give up all my life's work?" he defensively counters.

You rub your temples over and over again, hoping to soothe the tension of another brewing fight, "So we're right back to where we started."

"Ain't that the way shit always ends," Bucky bitterly mutters. 

"What are you talking about?" you demand.

"Things always end this way," Bucky replies. "They'll always go bad. It doesn't matter what you say, what you do, give any good thing a little time and it goes to shit. I can't count on much but I can count on that."

"That's a really fucked up way to think about life, Bucky." Your head snaps up at him, a mix of disgust and repulsion flood your tone before you can stop yourself, "Is that what you do? Spend your days wondering when exactly will be the moment our relationship will go bad?"

"Yes!"

Your face drops, and though that repulsion and disgust wasn't at him, but rather at the way he was treating himself, now you couldn't help but take his words to heart. 

You thought he'd broken your heart before, but this wasn't just a heart breaking revelation, this shattered something deep in your chest. Something that you didn't think could be mended. 

It wasn't a future he saw with you, it was a tragic ending. He didn't envision you walking down the aisle to him, he prophesied the day that you would leave him.

What were you supposed to do with that?

His words take the air out of your lungs, it takes you a very, very long moment to recover. When you speak, your voice is quiet, broken, and filled with anger, "So you've doomed us from the start? All those times you said that you saw a future, that you saw us going somewhere, none of that was true?"

"No, of course not. I don't - Sorta."

You stand up out of your seat with a huff, pacing the room up and down, "Jesus, Bucky. Sorta? That's your answer."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I'm fucked in the head. You - you can find someone else. Someone better. Someone that won't do this to you. You can forget about me, you know?"

You scoff, shaking your head, "You are such an asshole."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I'm trying to do the right thing here," he seethes. 

"You just told me that you've always known that we wouldn't last, that you've never believed in us." You turn on your heels, glaring at him with storms in your eyes, "How am I supposed to take that? This is exactly what I'm talking about. This isn't about you trying to do the right thing, this is you being a coward."

"I am not being a coward!" he snaps. 

Coward, hits him right in the gut. He'd spent his life trying to be anything but a coward. He'd walked headfirst into battle, kept his head held high in the face of death, and you'd seen right through him. You always manage to see right through him. 

"Yeah, you are! You're too afraid to accept any good thing that comes your way." The anger in your words slowly fade. Defeat slowly seeps in, taking over once again. Your hands drop, slapping against your legs. "And I - I can't make you. You're not willing to fighting for us. You've never been willing to fight for us - and I can't make you."

You've seen this film before. And you didn't like the ending.

You once again stand in the center of the living room, right where you'd started this morning. 

Bucky finally stands up, trailing you to the living room, "What do you want from me?"

You look at him once more and you know you don't have it in you. You can't take another explosive argument. You can't take convincing him that he needs to care or that something has to give. Not anymore. Maybe you'd feel differently tomorrow, but today, you've got to cut your losses. You just don't have it in you. You sigh in defeat, "I have to go. I should - I should go now."

"You don't-"

You raise a weak hand, stopping him mid sentence, "I shouldn't have just popped up here last night. That was a mistake."

"Don't go. Come on, please don't go," he begs, his words just a breath above a whisper. 

"You need to figure out what you want."

You've said those words to him before. You said it the night you left him. "I know what I want."

"Then you need to figure out if that's worth fighting for. I'm tired of fighting alone. I'm just - I'm tired, James."

Bucky had experienced deja vu quite a few times in his long life. And with the number of times he'd experienced it in his life, he'd never experienced it as sharply, as painfully, as when he watches you walk into your bedroom and walk back out, once again ready to walk out of your home, out of his life all over again. 

There's a part of him that's ready to let you go, that truly believes his words and believes that you could find something, someone better than the damaged man you called yours. 

The other part, hears you this time around. He hears what he didn't before. He hears the warning signs you've given. He sees you suffocating in the silence. All he knows is he doesn't think he could take you walking out again. All he knows is that he isn't ready to lose you. 

He gently grabs your wrist, stopping you before you can leave the apartment, "I've made this mistake before."

You look back with soft yet defeated eyes, "What are you doing?"

"Fighting for you." His hand skates down from your wrist down to your hand, squeezing it once, twice, three times. "And I don't know how to fix this, and I don't know how this ends, but I know I don't want you to leave. And I don't know if I've said it before, but I want you here. I want you with me. You belong with me. Here, in our home. That's what I want. And I know that doesn't fix everything, but I want to try. I want you. Forever."

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[owlwithanapple]

Your Hero

He is one of my favorite characters in mha. I want to write a future version of Bakugou Katsuki, I hope you guys will like it. 😘

Part 13.

( Bakugou Katsuki X Y/N )

The room-

You and Deku both gave the same testimony after interrogating them both. It can be guessed that there is someone behind the scenes. The final assessment resulted in a unanimous decision to launch an investigation.

The heroes need to pay attention to all situations and cases around them. Overhaul will continue to analyze the ingredients of the drug before making a conclusion. The police will investigate the whereabouts of the black vehicle.

The above are only temporary measures. It is currently a two-person case. Although the possibility of another victim is not high or low,but still needs to pay attention. Don’t know who is behind the scenes at the moment, so keeping a low profile for the time being and conducting the investigation.

"Kero...it's tricky," Froppy said.

"Illegal pharmaceuticals and drug testers in the dark society..." Uravity said.

"Pay attention to the strangeness of the city." Shoto said.

"Well, the current victims are two, and the common denominator is that they need a lot of money." Deku said.

"But you can't just target people who need money. People are very greedy, and maybe it's for profit or other purposes." Hawks said.

"It's possible for anyone." you say.

"Hey! There is another possibility that you should fucking keep in mind! That bastard might choose people who are suitable for testing the medicine! There are obvious differences in people's physique and cell structure! The medicine will also change with the body's metabolism! So it’s possible that bastard made the choice based on his body and mind! It’s also possible that these two just happened to be in need of money and picked them casually!” Dynamight explained.

"Wow..." Everyone here looked at Dynamight with surprised expressions.

"What!" Dynamight shouted unhappily.

"Nothing!" Deku raised his hands and said in panic.

"No.1's thinking is different." Hawks admires Dynamight.

"Kero...Bakugou chan, you are so awesome at revealing doubts that we didn't expect." Froppy said with admiration.

"Yes! When I heard this, I was wondering why I didn't think of this doubt!" Uravity said.

"Bakugou, your brain is very powerful. I admire you." Shoto admired him.

"Who told you to be stupid and not think from another angle! A simple example! If I want to sell fucking medicine, of course the minimum requirement is to find candidates with stronger physiques or suitable cells for experiments! At least a high probability of survival and the lowest death rate! ” Dynamight explains his example.

"So it's possible that those two are like you said. They just need money to test the medicine first to see if it meets the standards." You said calmly.

"Yes! Use your brain a little bit, you idiot!" Dynamight shouted.

"Kero...I agree with what Bakugou chan said." Froppy raised his hand and said.

"That's right! The bodies of those two people don't have any special features, so they might just be chosen by chance." Uravity said.

"Anyone can be the next candidate." Shoto said calmly.

"Yes, we have to notice something strange faster." Deku said.

"What you can do is pay attention to the strange things around you and the people after riots. The current enemies may be ordinary citizens or hidden Villains." Hawks said seriously.

"We have to rely on guesswork before we have any results." You said.

"Stop talking nonsense! I will definitely kill this guy who is behind this! Do you hear me!" Dynamight stood up and declared.

"Kill..." Deku said.

"Do you have any opinions!" Dynamight shouted.

"No!" Shouted the hero present.

After the meeting ended and everyone dispersed, the investigation began. There are currently no riots in the city so start with basic patrols. Pay attention to your surroundings and act immediately if there is any movement.

You float in the air and look down at the crowd from a high place. Maybe the people behind the scenes will be mixed in with the crowd. Don't be careless, this time is no joke! If everyone was involved, the scene would be disastrous.

"Hello, old friend." Hawks floated in the air.

"Hi. You're also patrolling the air." You smile.

"Yes, I have wings. I read the interrogation report just now and I actually have some doubts, but it's definitely not against you." Hawks said.

"What's the doubt? Tell me." You are curious about what he wants to say.

"Overhaul said that the person would lose memory after taking the medicine. The poison had some pharmaceutical ingredients mixed in it." Hawks said cautiously.

"Your doubt is why I can still remember what happened that day, right?" You confessed directly, because you knew that he was careful and tactful in every word he said.

"Yes." Hawks acknowledged what you said.

"Sorry Hawks, I can't give you an answer now. I will meet with Overhaul and let him analyze me. There are some things I must know. I will give you an answer then." You explained with a smile.

"There is nothing sorry between us. I will wait for your answer." Hawks said, pressing your shoulder.

"Okay." You two high-fived together.

After talking to Hawks, you split up continued patrolling. There is nothing unusual in the city today, can feel at ease for the time being. You can't understand the doubts that Hawks just mentioned.

Why you can still retain the memory of the day. Your memory itself is strange because you have no memory of before U.A. There will always be some unfamiliar fragments flashing through my mind.

If your memory has been planned. The faces of your parents and the presence brother Damiant seemed to have been planned for a long time. Wait, if that's true, then who are you? Empty shell? Vessel?

Y/N, age 21. No memories before U.A. But there are family backgrounds and stories that have been plotted out. Some strange and disgusting images will flash through your mind. So what is it?

"Your body can withstand it, which means you have a special physique." You remembered what Overhaul said at that time.

"Special physique..." You can't figure out what Overhaul means.

Speaking of which in the photo album, you only have photos from the U.A. period but no family photos. Who were you before U.A. and what were you going through? what happened.

"Katsuki..." You whispered.

Dynamight Hero Agency—

You made up your mind to tell him what happened to you. Although you were scared, you still risked it. You put on simple casual clothes, glasses and a mask. Schedule a driver to arrive at his office.

It is very easy to recognize that this is his office at a glance. The five-story black building has an orange roof. The signature character is black and orange with the word Dynamight written on it. The color scheme is exactly the same as his image.

"It's fucking spectacular." You stared at his office.

The lights weren't on in his office, probably no one was there. You go to the coffee shop opposite the office and sit down to wait for him to come back. You wanted to call him but didn't know what to say. Want to say I want to see you? I want to chat with you?

Every reason is weird. It feels as if have come to find trouble for no reason. What to do... don’t know if he will go home directly or return to the office first.

You took out your phone to look at his contact number and tried to press the dial button but couldn't. You hesitated for a moment and finally pressed the dial button. After two beeps, someone answered the call.

"Hey." Dynamight said first.

"Hey hedgehog, what are you doing?" You said happily listening to his voice.

"Still on patrol, just arrested a few idiots. What's wrong, do you miss me?" Dynamight is flirting with you.

"Well, that's right...I miss you a little bit." You said with a smile.

"Where? I'm going to find you now." He said.

"I'm at the coffee shop opposite your office. How soon will you be back?" you asked.

"Miss me so much? Such a hurry." He said with a smile.

"That's right, tell me now!" You laughed.

"It will take about 30 minutes. You go to my office and wait." He said.

"Huh? How do I get in? The door isn't even open." You are confused.

"The outside door is unlocked, remember to take off your shoes when you go in! There is a door inside that requires a code lock to open. After you open the door, you will see a corridor with elevators on both sides. The elevator on the left leads directly to my office, on the right is Gym and so on." He explained to you one by one.

"What! Why is there an elevator on the fifth floor? Why don't you just fly up!" You laughed.

"Damn! How I like to design is my fucking business!" Dynamight almost laughed because of what you just said.

"Okay, okay, you have the final say. But are you sure you want to give me the password lock?" You asked curiously, after all, it is privacy.

"I believe you, idiot! The most valuable thing inside is the sofa. If you can steal it, try it." He said.

"How much is it worth?" you ask.

"Fuck! Kill you!" He shouted, and you quickly put your phone away.

"Kidding, tell me." You said.

"104420. Don't enter it wrong. It's just two chances. Enter wrong, the alarm will sound." He said.

"Okay~ I'll see you later. Bye." You said.

"Good girl, I'll be back soon. By the way, open the window." He said.

"Okay, copy that!" You hang up the phone.

You left the cafe and opened the door to his office. The first door was unlocked. Remembering that he had told you to take off your shoes, you took off your shoes and put them on the shoe rack. Go to the second door and see the password lock button. You enter the number he just said and the door opens.

The elevator on the left leads directly to his office, and on the right there is a sign that there is a gym on the second floor. Damn it! Private gym? ! Oh shit! Who helped him design it so perfectly!

You stand in the elevator on the left and open the door. When the door opens, you walk in. The elevator on the left leads directly to the office, so you don't have to press any buttons. The elevator doors open automatically upon arrival.

You stepped into the office. When you visit his office for the first time will surprise you! There are several large shelves neatly filled with documents and books, each carefully recording the details of any event.

You see a main desk in the middle with the word Dynamight on it. The documents on his desk are arranged so neatly, and the material of the desk is also very good!

There are two desks on the left and right of his seat. Although the seats were empty, they were clean and dust-free. Red Riot had previously proposed to you that working with him would also provide a high salary. Maybe you can consider... don't know if he will abuse you.

There are some awards and photos hanging on the wall. The highlight of the photo is the ceremony when he ascended to No. 1. ! Super handsome! What a cool hero costume! The previous color combination was already black and orange.

There are also many certificates, trophies and gold medals! Top student! Best Young Hero Award! So many great reviews! Even the medals from the Sport Festival are still in such beautiful condition!

How good is this guy to get so many awards! There are many you have never seen or taken before! His reputation is extremely high, this is the strength and gap between No.1. He really deserves his reputation. You admire him very much in your heart. How could you not like such an excellent person?

When you saw the sofa, you remembered that he said it was the most expensive thing. You search the price online and wonder how expensive it is. You won’t know if you don’t check, but if you check it’s so fucking expensive! And it’s a foreign brand! No wonder the texture is so damn comfortable.

"Wow... this guy is very hardworking. He can maintain independent work, high efficiency and a stable mentality. But his temper is still bad!" You said with a smile.

There is a magazine on the table with you on the cover. Remember correctly it was the suits album you filmed with Hawks. You see a bookmark, and the page you turn to is your photo.

This guy loves you so much, cares about you and takes care of you. Damn, almost thought he had a crush on you. If he confesses his love to you, you don’t have to hesitate to accept him! But it’s impossible~

Suddenly you hear a tapping on the window. You be shocked when you look at it! It's Dynamight outside the window! He just told you to open the window and you forgot to open it! You quickly opened it and let him in.

"Damn it! Didn't I tell you to open the window?" His first sentence when came in through the window.

"I was admiring your office, and then I forgot~" You said with a smile.

"Tchh...have you eaten?" He asked you.

"Not yet. Do you want to eat together?" You invite him to have dinner together.

"I'll cook it." He said.

"Huh? You know how to cook?" You asked.

"Nonsense, of course I can! Follow me!" He walked to the elevator on the right and pressed the 3rd floor button.

"Don't tell me there's a kitchen here..." You take the elevator with him.

"Huh? Otherwise you thought I wanted to go home and cook, you idiot!" His answer surprised you.

You arrive on the third floor, you see the lounge area, including the kitchen. Damn it! So cool! Who designed his office! How convenient! Even if there is a gym, there is also a kitchen!

"Hedgehog, do you live here?" you asked curiously.

"How is that possible! This is a place of work!" he said.

"It's so complete, I almost want to live here." You said casually.

"You can enjoy these privileges when you work here, cutie." He looked at you in the kitchen and said with a smile.

"Cutie? Are you calling me?" You approached him.

"Haha, you and I are the only ones here, who else can be there?" He laughed.

"Lord Dynamight, your mouth is so sweet. I can hardly stand it anymore." You gently pinched his cheeks with both hands.

"Then don't hold it back." He came closer to you, his face slowly coming towards you.

His hands slowly moved from your back to your waist, gently hugging you to bring you closer to him. Your hands caressed his cheeks, and you could feel his breathing.

Y/N, right in front of you is the man you love and like. It’s the famous No.1 Dynamight, the Bakugou Katsuki who cares about you very much.

"Stop! Actually, I came here to tell you something!" You stopped him.

"Cutie, it is necessary ? Is it important? If not I'll scold you!" He said to your face helplessly.

"It's important. Really. I'm here to confess something to you." You said seriously.

"Don't tell me you're a married woman." He said this and made you laugh.

"Damn it! How is that possible? You're talking nonsense!" You pinched his cheek.

"Ha! Sit down. I'll get you a glass of water before we continue." He let go of your waist.

You sat down clenched your phone, you had to tell him this. You trust him as much as he trusts you. He placed the cup in front of you and sat on your left, his right arm around your shoulder.

"There's something I want to show you...because I think it's a bit similar to this drug case." You said seriously, and you handed him your phone to let him watch the video.

"Okay." He took your phone and started watching.

You clasped your hands and waited for his reaction after watching the video. But he was expressionless while watching. You start to get scared, there is a possibility that he will drive you away at any time.

"The little girl in the video...is you tied to the operating table?" He look at you.

"Yes." You admitted.

"Tell me." he said.

"Actually, my memory started from the time of U.A., and I can't recall the memory of my childhood. When I first met Damiant, he said he was my brother, but I once doubted whether he was really my brother. Because I don’t even remember my parents’ faces at all. Sometimes feel like my identity has been planned.” You said seriously.

"It means you have no memory of the past." He asked you.

"Yes." You said.

"What's going on with this video?" he asked.

"I would have headaches sometimes, some pictures would flash in my mind. Sometimes I would hear the wailing of the little girl tied to the operating table. Sometimes I would also dream about someone injecting me with drugs. Everything feels so real." You said.

"When did you receive this video?" he asked seriously.

"Yesterday..." you said.

"Can let me see it again?" He asked.

"Oh...ok." You handed him the phone and asked him to watch the video.

He seemed to notice something while watching the video, he zoomed in and looked at it carefully. He looked at a man wearing a mask and a badge on his medical gown. The badge pattern looked familiar to him, he took out his mobile phone and searched for it according to the appearance of the badge.

Search for: Shirogane Drug Research Center. Founder Shirogane Raiju (male) and partner Hayase Mei (female). Both studied medicine at the same university and founded a research center within a short period of time a few years later. The excellent performance has been recognized by the industry and has been successfully promoted nationwide. The good times did not last long, a mandatory closure was announced because received a report of illegal human experimentation. Investigation results showed that 10 children and 15 adults who disappeared in a year were all in this research center. Raiju and Mei and the medical staff are still missing.

"Drugs...memory...human experiments..." He whispered.

"What's wrong?" You asked curiously.

"The people who tied you to the operating table are Shirogane's people. The cases we encountered have the same characteristics as theirs, maybe they are related." He said seriously.

"So?" You wonder what he's thinking.

"Start investigating from there tomorrow morning! Every clue needs to be fucking dug out! Don't let go of anything!" He put his phone on the table.

"Katsuki...Thank you for being willing to help me." You leaned on his shoulder.

"Idiot, I told you that you are special. Just rely on me more." He kissed your hair.

"Hey, you pervert!" You laughed shyly.

"Ha! Flower-scented shampoo!" he said.

"I quite like the lavender smell." You said.

"Ya, smells pretty good." He smelled your hair.

"I'll introduce you the brand next time. Hedgehog and lavender so cute." You smile.

"Damn it! It's Katsuki!" he said.

"Okay, okay, Katsuki. That's it." You smiled.

"Frankly speaking, I already know that you have something to say but are afraid. If you have any uneasiness just tell me and don't hide it. Your expression is not good at hiding your inner vulnerability." He gently combed your hair.

"Oh, you still saw through it." You sighed.

"Of course I will see through it! I won't stay away from you just because your past is zero. What I care about is that you will always have me in your memory now." He looked at you and said.

"Katsuki..." You blushed.

He slightly raised your chin and slowly moved his face towards you. His eyes never left yours. You know what he means. Your heart was beating so fast, after you closed your eyes, he had already kissed your lips. Even though it was just a gentle kiss, it was so endearing.

"Stay with me, Y/N." He said slowly pulling away.

"Ok..." You promised him.

Part 13 end.

*If you have any ideas, you can leave them in the comment section, and I will try to add in the story.*

[kittenofdoomage]

The Night Before

Summary: You need some Dutch courage to talk to Thor, though Asgardian courage might do the trick.

Pairing: Thor Odinson x female!enhanced!reader

Word Count: 2982

Warnings: drunken seduction, fluff, smut, I think this is the longest thing I’ve ever written for Thor so please be gentle and I have completely played fast and loose with canon 😅

Ao3 Link (most of my works can be found here)

Tumblr Masterlist (a small selection of fics posted here)

Patreon (early access and option to request fics)

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST OR REDISTRIBUTE MY WORK IN ANY FORM ON ANY SITE. 18+ CONTENT BELOW THE CUT (MINORS DNI)

It wasn’t unusual for there to be some kind of gathering when the whole team was in the same place, and the surprise party was for Tony, though he’d organized it himself. You were relatively new to the Avengers, and for the most part, you kept to yourself, but it had been made clear this celebration was mandatory, so you dressed up and hit the bar with Natasha, downing tequila after tequila despite the fact that your metabolism would process the alcohol fast enough to only give you a quick buzz.

There were plenty of reasons to feel nervous. For one, you hadn’t met the whole team yet, which left you as very much the outsider despite a close friendship with both Nat and Clint. And the second reason was about six feet of blond hair and Asgardian muscle that had the ability to reduce you to a stammering wreck whenever you were around him.

Thor wouldn’t look twice at you, you were certain of it. During the three missions you’d shared with him, he was polite and welcoming, but you were sure your feelings went unnoticed and unrequited. The only person who knew of your desire for the Norse deity was Nat, and while she found it amusing, she didn’t mock you or tell anyone else.

“He’s here,” she singsonged as she returned to the bar, sliding one elbow across the marble surface. “Are you gonna talk to him?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t get drunk enough for that,” you groaned, scanning the room until your eyes landed on the newly-arrived Thor. He was already engaged in conversation with Steve and Sam, though you couldn’t hear what they were discussing.

“I still think you should go for it,” Nat murmured, signaling the bartender for another drink. “He’s single, you’re single - life’s short, Y/N.”

You snorted, pushing away your empty glass. “That saying seems pretty redundant around here. Isn’t Thor a thousand years old or something?”

She chuckled under her breath, shaking her head. “I’m just saying… don’t miss your chance.” There was a note of sadness in her voice and you sighed, glancing back at Thor again. “Come on,” Nat urged. “Do it for me.”

“I’ll say hi,” you grunted. “That’s it.”

The smile on her face was victorious as you slipped from the bar stool, striding through the crowd to where Thor and Steve were sharing something out of a flask. You had never seen Steve drink - from what you understood his metabolism was even better than yours so there was little point for him either - but whatever Thor was giving to him was strong enough you could smell it as you approached. It was a fruity scent, thick enough with alcohol that you wrinkled your nose.

“Y/N!” Steve called, smiling from ear to ear and raising his glass. “I was wondering if you’d ever leave the bar.”

Thor’s eyes met yours and you felt a girlish swoon accompany a flood of heat in your cheeks. “Hi,” you squeaked, clearing your throat to try again almost instantly. “Hey.”

“Enjoying the party?” he asked, his deep voice sending a shudder down your spine.

“Uh, yeah,” you murmured, gaze dropping to the flask in his hand. “What are you guys drinking?”

The god of thunder tipped the container, a smile tugging his lips up. “An Asgardian brew,” he rumbled. “Would you like to try some?”

Steve glanced at him in alarm. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Thor laughed. “Y/N is a warrior of strong constitution like yourself, is she not?”

“It’s a little different,” you explained in amusement, “but I’m sure it won’t hurt me.”

“I mean,” Steve stammered, “it’s pretty strong for me, I’m just…” He shook his head, smirking. “Have at it. You’ll probably be fine.”

You were rethinking the decision as Thor handed you the flask, and you inhaled deeply, smelling the rich undertones of spice and fruit. Tentatively, you lifted it and took a swig, instantly regretting it as the strong flavor washed over your tongue and burned its way down your throat. “Oh god,” you spluttered, handing back the flask.

“It’s an acquired taste,” Steve muttered with a grin, sipping at his own.

Humming in agreement, you coughed to clear your throat, still feeling the sting of it as it settled in your belly. “Very strong,” you managed, wondering how hard Asgardian booze was going to knock you on your ass. You were already feeling slightly dizzier than before, though your body was processing it quickly. Without thinking, you reached up and placed a hand on Thor’s bicep to steady yourself, finding a distraction in the thick cords of muscle under your fingers. “Oh, you really are huge,” you mumbled.

“Perhaps that was not such a good idea,” Thor chuckled, slipping his hand under your elbow. “Would you like to sit down?”

You didn’t know what made you laugh, but you did anyway, giggling as Thor tried to direct you to a nearby couch already occupied by other guests. As he led you on, you stumbled, finding yourself in his strong grip, the giggles increasing as he held you up. “Oops!”

“I think she needs to go home,” Nat chimed in, appearing behind you, and you grinned brilliantly at her.

“Shall I call a cab?” Steve offered.

“No need,” Thor decided, scooping you from the floor and into his strong arms. “I know where she lives, I will take her home.”

Nat smirked, though you were too busy throwing your arms around Thor’s neck to notice, inhaling the sweet masculine musk that surrounded him. “You smell really good,” you whispered, making him smile with amusement as he carried you towards the door. “Where are we going?”

He didn’t answer, cradling your body against his with one arm, and you clung tightly to him, feeling a sudden breeze that forced you to bury your face in his shirt. When his whole body jolted as colliding with something, you shook with him, lifting your head to find yourself on your own balcony, a full six blocks from the party.

“Did we just fly?” you wondered out loud, letting him set you down by the door.

“Only a short distance.”

You stumbled again, coming up against his hard frame. “Jeez, what was that stuff?”

“Potent Asgardian liquor,” he replied. “Do you have a key for this door?”

Shaking your head only managed to make you feel more unbalanced, and you blindly groped with one hand to find the handle. The door opened easily, and Thor frowned at the lack of security. “I’m on the 16th floor and the fire escape is busted,” you slurred, pushing off of him to stagger inside, finding the light switch before almost falling again. Thor’s lightning fast reflexes were your savior once more and you giggled, looking up at him. “I keep falling for you,” you snorted.

“Is that what you’re doing?” he retorted, a smile on his lips. “Where is your bedroom?”

You slid one hand down to squeeze his arm again. “I really can’t get over your arms,��� you hummed. “They’re just so big and thick and -”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You are very drunk.”

Another giggle. “If I wasn’t, would you still have come home with me?”

He smiled softly this time, scooping you up into a bridal hold. “I believe you need to sleep it off.”

“Are you gonna take me to bed?”

Thor chuckled under his breath. “I am going to put you to bed, and then I will sleep on your couch.”

You sighed, resting your cheek against his chest. “That’s not fair,” you mumbled, yawning as the alcohol started to burn from your system. “I finally talked to you…” The light dimmed as he located your bedroom, shouldering his way in, careful not to knock your head against the door or its frame.

“We can talk more tomorrow,” he whispered, lowering you onto the bed. Your head rolled to the side, the need to sleep overriding everything else - you barely acknowledged him pulling your shoes off or tugging the covers over you.

The sunlight that woke you hours later was a brutal rousing and you groaned when you realized you were still dressed in your clothes from the party. As you sat up, the memories of the night before came flooding back, most of them anyway; you weren’t sure how you had gotten home. Getting out of bed, you darted into the bathroom to relieve yourself, and as you returned, you tripped over your shoes, yelping loudly, then shrieking as Thor appeared in the doorway, topless and only wearing pants.

“Thor!” you squeaked, eyes wide as you remembered everything, immediately covering your face with one hand.

“Y/N,” he greeted, straightening when he realized there was no danger. “Are you feeling well?”

“No hangover, if that’s what you mean,” you groaned, scrubbing your hand down. “I’m so sorry.”

He frowned, puzzled by the statement. “For what?”

“Last night.”

“You were not yourself,” he laughed, shaking his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“You’re sure? I wasn’t… I mean… I was pretty wasted…”

“It was merely the effect of the Asgardian beverage,” he dismissed casually with a shrug. “I am just relieved you’re not suffering any other ill effects.”

“God, I made such a fool of myself,” you groaned, dropping onto the bed. “I only wanted to talk to you, you know? Outside of a mission or a battle or…” You sighed, shaking your head as you looked up at him. “You’re a really great guy, Thor.”

He was quiet for a moment before striding across the room, sitting next to you on the bed, his shoulder brushing yours. “I respect and admire you a great deal, Y/N. You are worthy and skilled as a warrior.”

It was a nice compliment, for a colleague, and you couldn’t help but feel a slight slump in your shoulders. Licking your lips, you pushed down the disappointment of his comment, deciding to take a chance while you had nothing to lose. “What about as a woman?” you asked quietly, turning to face him. 

His blue eyes twinkled, and you were almost startled by the warm touch of his hand against your cheek. He leaned in, coming so close to kissing you, only to stop an inch away as if waiting for you to finish the move. “Even more,” he whispered and you were done for, meeting him in a kiss that inspired fire in your core. When you broke away seconds later, he was smiling, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes pronounced with the expression.

“I’m sober now,” you murmured, lips almost touching his still, his hand warm on your thigh. “What happens if I proposition you again?”

He pulled you closer this time, initiating another kiss more passionate than the last, his tongue sweeping across yours as if he wanted to devour you. You moaned against him, wrapping your arms around his neck, allowing him to tug you into his lap until your thighs were either side of his, your center pressed against the growing bulge in his pants.

“Does that answer your question?” he asked when he broke the kiss, breathing heavily. 

You nodded, biting your lip as you slid off of his lap to stand in front of him, reaching up with shaking hands to unbutton the crumpled blouse. Thor didn’t speak or move, watching you with hungry eyes, his pants almost straining to contain his arousal. When the blouse dropped to the floor, you almost couldn’t bear to look at him but you persevered, conquering the uneasy nerves until you were nude and exposed to him. It had been a long time since you’d been with anyone, mostly for fear you’d accidentally hurt them, but it wasn’t an issue when the other party was more indestructible than you were.

“Come here,” he murmured softly, reaching out to you with one hand. You took it, letting him pull you back into his lap, kissing him back when he pressed his lips to yours again, sliding your hands over his shoulders. His hands slid down, cupping your bottom, urging you to grind against him. “You are beautiful,” he whispered as you broke away to suck in a breath, and you hummed under your breath, feeling the anticipation beginning to build.

With one twist, he had you underneath his larger frame on the bed, the weight of his body crushing him against you that much harder, and you mewled, rubbing against him desperately. Now the initial nudity was done, you were less nervous and more aroused, but Thor didn’t seem to be in any rush. He kissed you again, reaching down to fumble with the fastening of his pants, relieving some of the pressure, though he made no move to take them off. Instead, he turned his attention to your breasts, lowering his mouth to suck one hardening nipple between his lips.

You moaned, digging your nails into his shoulders as he teased the bud with his tongue, leaving it achingly stiff when he abandoned it for the other. His name left your lips in a whimper, and when he finally stopped, lifting his head to look at you, you were sure he’d be able to see the desperate need on your face. He kissed you again, and you reached down to push at his pants, wanting nothing left between you.

The pants were gone a second later leaving him just as naked as you, and you didn’t waste time, allowing the exhilaration of the encounter sweep you along, wrapping one hand around his cock. Thor groaned loudly, looking down to watch you stroke him for a moment before looking back up to see you smiling at him mischievously. He returned the expression as he cupped your sex, watching your smile dissolve into a gasp when he nudged his fingertip against the wet dip of your entrance.

“You’re already so wet for me,” he murmured, keeping his gaze on your face as he penetrated you with a single finger. Your teeth wedged into your lip and you hummed, rocking your hips in time with the stroke of your hand against his cock. A second finger had you moaning, your body more than ready and you more than willing; though you were enjoying the easy slide of his fingers inside you, you were desperate to feel more.

“Thor,” you pleaded, and he crooked his fingers inside you, finding the most sensitive spot, cutting your begging words off instantly. He smiled as your grip on him faltered, your eyes fluttering shut with the impending climax, and when his hand shifted, his thumb finding your swollen clit, you cried out, the sound loud and sharp.

Your heartbeat thundered in your ears as you came from his touch, panting as you kept trying to stroke him at the same time, failing miserably among distraction. You released him, moving your hand to try and dislodge his, and he withdrew reluctantly, smirking as you tried to open your eyes and focus.

“Was there something you wanted?” he teased.

“You,” you replied honestly, and he groaned, leaning in to kiss you again, slotting himself between your thighs until his bare cock was crushed against your sex.

“You need only ask,” he hummed, using his thighs to press yours further open, sliding one hand between your bodies to line up and thrust home, filling you in one stroke. You cried out, wrapping your arms around his neck, lifting your legs to accommodate his size as he buried himself deep, his hips digging into your thighs.

It was easier than you expected to get lost in him, and the reality was well and truly beyond your wildest dreams. With every roll of his hips he drove you higher, back to the peak you’d already tumbled from once already. You clung to him, responding eagerly when he pressed his lips to yours and silenced your cries, holding you close as you trembled underneath him.

“You know,” he whispered, when you finally calmed and he slowed his pace, “next time you do not have to become intoxicated to lure me home.”

“Well I know that now,” you giggled, kissing him again. Digging one hand into his shoulder, you forced him to roll, and you went with him, settling on top of him with him still buried inside you. He groaned as you clenched, rocking lightly as you let your body adjust to the deeper penetration. “You know, most other guys can’t deal with the super powers.”

“I think you’ll find I’m not most men,” Thor growled, clamping his hands down over your thighs, pushing you to move a little harder. “You would struggle to break me.”

You had nothing to say to that, needing all of your focus to keep your balance as he moved with you, making it hard to concentrate on anything but the point of pressure in your belly where he was filling you. He almost growled when he felt you tighten, pulling you harder against his body until you were shuddering with pleasure and his own climax was becoming harder to ignore. Dragging you down as he surged up, you found yourself locked in his grip as he came, a desperate kiss muting your combined sounds.

It took a few seconds for your mind to catch up, though neither of you rushed to move. Thor didn’t release his grip on you, holding himself upright with his free hand, cradling your body close to his. “We can’t stay like this all day,” you whispered in a laugh.

“I would be content to lie here forever,” he sighed, “but I fear you are correct.”

“I need to shower,” you giggled. “Don’t you have Asgardian things to do?”

He released you with a lewd grin. “They can wait,” he replied. “A shower sounds much better.”

Thanks so much for reading! Please consider reblogging and leaving a comment or even sending an ask, I'm grateful for your thoughts 🥰

[dimonds456]

hi guys.

MASSIVE CW/TW for medical misconduct, strong language, disability, talk of Death and dying, transphobia / enbyphobia, and personal drama below the cut. I genuinely have no clue what to do anymore.

Also no, this isn't gonna be me asking for money or anything. I'm fine there. It's literally everything else that's the problem.

also long post.

Okay, I'm terrified and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. I keep forgetting to call my doctor, and I'm also actively trying to find a new, different doctor, but every single site to do that is either down or inaccessible as fuck. He won't answer me on the website that's supposed to let you get in touch with your doctor, and as far as I know there's no way to report him for anything he's doing to me.

I have a paper trail now and will be calling him Dr K, since he refers to himself like that in one of the screenshots I have.

For a bit of backstory, I have Graves Disease. Fucking love the name, great choice. Graves Disease is a sub-genre of hyperthyroidism, a typically genetic disease in which your thyroid- a butterfly-shaped gland located at the front of the throat that regulates your metabolism- starts over-producing hormones and doesn't stop. I've had it since middle school.

Here they are in all their glory. For context on how bad this shit can get, my RESTING heart rate BPM was around 100. When I started running around, it got up OVER 200. THAT'S ENOUGH TO GIVE SOMEONE A HEART ATTACK. I was in middle school at the time, so adjust for how much smaller my body was, but STILL. Still terrible numbers, and I was literally in grave danger by the time I got treated.

(wow i love that its called graves disease haha such a funny name WHO NAMED THIS DISEASE I JUST WANNA FUCKING TALK)

So, since I'm 20, it's safe to assume I have the lifelong/chronic variant at this point (it festered for at least 6 months before I started getting treatment, and though it has gotten a bit better with time, not by much).

I don't care if I have to be on meds forever, that's not the problem. The problem is everything else.

Enter my two doctors, Dr M and Dr K.

Dr M was first, he was my childhood doctor and he's the one who originally started treating me. I don't remember much about him, just that he frustrated me constantly because he never listened. I'd tell him that my symptoms got worse after he lowered my dosage, and instead of talking to me about that, he'd point at a chart full of numbers that I don't understand and say "well your numbers look good so." and then proceed to continue lowering my dosage again until it because obvious to him that I was telling the truth, in which he'd up my dosage.

Now, as a kid, I was very much not outspoken. I still am not. I've never been very pushy about anything and always let people walk all over me, so I only really ever got listened to when the "numbers" started to reflect what I was saying. And yeah, my self-confidence it a whole other conversation and I do need to work on that, but also... part of being a doctor is to listen to your patient, right? So no matter how quiet or afraid I was, I should still have been heard out and treated like a person and not a goddamn statistic.

Then, I turned 18. I had until I was 19 to find an "adult" doctor, and Dr M kept seeing me until that could happen. But I had no idea how the fuck to do that. And no one explained it to me. I needed to be sat down and shown exactly how to do it step-by-step, but that never happened. I never got the help I needed.

April 7th, 2022, I turned 19 years old. Time was up, and I still didn't have a different doctor. I had no clue where to start.

I was living on my own now. I had an apartment I'd been staying in for a little less than a year, had a terrible home life with my roommates, had a 3rd shift 10 and a half-hour job + college, and no new doctor. I got one last prescription refill from Dr M, and then that was it. I wasn't allowed to see him anymore.

I kept putting off finding a new doctor because I was preoccupied with The Horrors™, something else that traumatized me last year that lasted from November 2021 to late October 2022. It went on for a literal year and I still haven't recovered from it at all, but again, that's a whole other can of worms that I cannot open yet. But the point is that I was in the mental warzone at the time, and just... never thought about a new doctor.

July 2022.

My 3 months of prescription were over. I was on the wrong dosage, and my symptoms were flaring up. BAD. And I still didn't have a doctor. Time to panic. I don't remember what happened, but my dad was able to help me find a doctor named Dr K, and we set up an appointment- 3 days before the last of my meds would have run out.

I just had to make it til then, then everything would be okay, right? I wasn't going to die- I wasn't going to die. I had to hold onto that. i wasn't going to die.

I saw him, he was able to get me on proper meds, and my dosage was upped from half a pill twice a day to 2 pills twice a day. MUCH better, it helped a lot. Thank fuck, I'm not going to die.

I thought that, maybe, finally, I got a doctor who would listen. But he doesn't. He fucking doesn't. He does the exact same thing as Dr M and only looks at "the numbers" and doesn't listen to what I'm telling him.

Fast forward to now. I am still processing The Horrors™, have (C?)PTSD, I have a new eating disorder that not even the doctors are sure wtf it is (might be ARFID? But they genuinely have no idea, I'm in a weird grey area, so THAT'S comforting), I have new weakness in my legs and arms that they don't know how that got there, I've fallen 3 times, and Graves Disease gave me an eye disease that can make me go blind if untreated. Awesome.

...Dr K still isn't listening.

My most recent appointment with him was last month, when I went to get a normal follow-up. Apparently they forgot to do labs for his stuff and just did them for my eating disorder, so he doesn't really have much to go off of in terms of "the numbers" and I'm the one who takes the blame for it, not the labwork people who forgot to take my labs while I was there getting labs. Fine. Whatever.

I tell him about my symptoms flaring back up, and he continues going on about my "numbers". Points at a graph I can't read. "Your numbers look fine." What does that mean? Idk, he didn't tell me.

During that visit, he brought up with me that I want to have top surgery. I say yes, and then he starts going off about how I need to start HRT before they can do the surgery. I ask why, and he tells me that it's just how they do things. I have to be on HRT for at least 6 months before I can get the surgery I want.

Now, I am transmasc (nonbinary). I am not against HRT, but it's not something I'm sure I want yet. I tell him as such, and he then states that "well since you're still confused, you should talk to a therapist first and then we'll go from there." BITCH I'M NOT CONFUSED. I JUST DON'T WANT HRT RIGHT NOW. I have 50 other medical problems to worry about, I'm not in a good position to start it even IF I WANTED TO. WHICH I DO NOT. I just know I want the surgery! That's it!

I tell him as such, and he keeps insisting that I'm just confused in what I want and basically said that I'm not trans enough to warrant a surgery if I don't want HRT.

Great. Well, now I'm pissed.

Two days later, I hopped onto a Discord server and asked if I was right in thinking that what he said was wrong, and everyone agreed that yeah, what he told me was fucked up. I even brought this up with my parents, who- although they do support me as an individual- are mildly transphobic, and even THEY agreed that what he told me was fucked up. I should not be FORCED into anything like that because I'm "not trans enough," that's BULLSHIT.

Anyway. At the end of my original visit with him, he sent me to get the labwork done same-day and then told me he would update me with what we were going to do.

Last Thursday, August 3rd, I got a phone call saying that he was canceling my prescription altogether.

My meds, which- as a reminder- SAVED ME FROM DYING LAST YEAR, which I know for a FACT I need to live since I was on death's doorstep just for being on the wrong dosage of these meds- yeah fuck em. You don't need them. "Your numbers are good."

The goal has been to ween me off. Slowly but surely reduce my pills a little at a time to slowly ween my body off the medication. I'm taking 30 mg a day. THIS IS NOT WEENING.

Now, I do make a comment I'm not proud of in the following screenshot, but the context is that I had already asked what the numbers meant and got brushed aside for it, both as a kid AND a teenager. I am now 20. So, of course, the "I'm not a kid anymore" thing pops up here, like the fucking cliche that I am. But I have not edited these screenshots except to blot out my picture. I refuse to edit them, just so it's crystal clear the BULLSHIT I'm dealing with.

I went onto the website and sent my doctor some questions, because I was rightfully afraid of what would happen if I suddenly couldn't take medication that I need to live. And the answer I got? Well, look.

I just took these screenshots as I was making this post.

Yeah, so ignoring the "I'm not a kid anymore" comment (I knew I would regret writing that and I did it anyway, go me), I feel like I was professional and careful with my wording here, right? I asked each question and explained why I was asking in-depth in hope of answers. And, I numbered those questions to ensure all 4 got addressed. And all I got was MORE questions.

And he never answered. That was August 7th. It's the 10th now. And I'm suffering. My symptoms are coming back more and more each day, and I've been trying desperately to ween myself off of meds so it's not the literal sudden change that he wants for my body. And also like, I'm sorry but am I reading this right? WHAT THE FUCK DOES "NORMAL HYPERTHYROIDISM RANGE" MEAN?? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET WORSE? RESET ME BACK TO ZERO? UNDO ALL THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE? CUZ ITS WORKING.

Sitting here writing this, my thyroid hurts. I can feel the swelling going up. You can hold it between two fingers now. I'm in pain when you tug on it in a certain direction, which used to be a comforting motion of mine. My resting BPM is going back up fast, the swelling behind my eyes is getting worse (which, again, COULD MAKE ME GO BLIND), and I was super reliant on my cane for balance today, not just the weakness in my knee/hip region that I'd been using it for. I'm getting worse FAST.

I am no stranger to Death. Honestly, my relationship with Death has gone from fearful to almost friendly over time. I feel like we know each other well, they and I. After nearly drowning at age 7, I feel like we've built a pretty uncommonly close relationship with each other. I've looked into the void, it looked back, shook its head and told me to try again. Many times. Not many other people can say that.

Death has given me many chances. I keep getting lucky. But, y'know, after dancing with Death for the majority of my life and being visited by them at least twice a year at this point, you'd think I'd start to figure out the steps to keep up with them, right? Well, you underestimate my ability to dance, ever. All it takes is a touch, and Death will have me.

"Just get a new doctor!" I still don't know how, and when I want to try? The website was down (which isn't the same website as the one I use to talk to Dr K, it's a completely different site).

"Call the office and keep calling them until you get answers!" A) phone calls are scary, B) the nurses aren't going to have the answers I need, only the doctors will, and C) you can't just call your doctor, not in this fucking day and age. If I want an appointment, I gotta book it out by months.

This morning, all I had was a half a pill. I'm running low on meds, and I'm trying to take them only as needed, and with as little as possible, to preserve them for as long as I can. But with all this happening, I... I want to take another half, but that would do more harm in the end than good since I'd have less for later. My dad suggested a Tylenol, since my throat is inflamed and that might make the swelling go down (but it wouldn't address the issue in that my thyroid is making far more hormones than it should be). So now I have to choose.

I had a panic attack over this earlier. I looked up to pick up a box from a tall shelf and fell backwards- the same thing that finally convinced my parents that something might actually have been wrong with me and got me to see a doctor 6 months too late originally. Only difference is that there's no broken plate this time. All I did was look up and I stumbled backwards into the wall.

I don't want to die. Oh, stars, I don't want to die. But they're not going to refill my prescription, and I'm 86% sure my doctor is doing this on purpose because of the trans thing (you could hear it in his tone, but that's not really proof of anything). He won't explain himself, and then proceeded to ignore me when I asked for answers. I need a new doctor, but I don't know how to get one, and the website is STILL DOWN.

I'm fucked. I'm actually fucked.

Death has been kind to me before. I just have to trust that they'll be kind to me again. And I know personifying something like Death is fucking stupid but it's all I have left at this point.

I don't want to die, stars I don't. Been there done that. I just want to feel okay. I just want to feel safe. But in this body, I'll never feel safe. My Graves will never go away, and my throat is closing up what with the inflamation, and I'm in pain, and my eyes hurt, and my eating disorder keeps taking more and more away from me, and I could barely make it through fucking mini golf earlier, so how the fuck am I going to go back to work like this?! They're going to fire me, and then what? Do I just lay down and die?! Let it happen? Because if THIS is all my life is going to be, fighting just for the right to be alive from the people who are SUPPOSED to be helping me STAY alive, then what is the fucking point?!

I should clarify; I am not suicidal. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I just want to feel okay. Please, stars, that's all I want. I just want to feel safe. I just want to feel loved. I just want to feel happy. I just want to feel like it all meant something, that I can push through and use my own suffering to lift others up so they don't have to suffer like I did. The point is to ease other's suffering as much as I can. That's all I've ever wanted. But all I do is bring others down with me, because of things that are out of my control.

i'm tired. i'm hot. i'm hungry. i can't eat. i'm angry. i'm emotionless. i'm exhausted. i'm cold. i feel sick. i'm in pain. i'm numb. i just want it to be over. i want to push through. i want to give in. i want it all to stop. i want to feel safe.

...I'm gonna try the Tylenol. I can't afford to take any more of my meds.

hah, i'm like doug from portal. save em for the end times.

I just... what if my dad is right and this is all in my head? Like, it's fucking not, I can FEEL the inflamation getting bigger both on my skin and in my throat, but... what if? What if all of this is just anxiety? What if this is all just a result of my trauma from last year? fuck man, idk. i need help, and not even my therapist knows how to give it to me. i'm lost. i don't know who to talk to or who can help me.

im sorry. I'm still going to try to make as positive an impact as I can while I'm still here, but... stars, I just don't know how much time I have.

If you made it this far, take a second and count your blessings, okay? Take the time to wave to friendly faces of your past, remember things you did and people you've met. Remember your favorite childhood bookseries, or your favorite TV show. Appreciate the people closest to you. Hug your pet. Hug your siblings. Send your guardians a text appreciating them for the good memories they've given you, if you can.

Breathe. You're alive. Somehow, someway... you're alive. And isn't that wonderful? To defy the very nature of science that we still don't understand, to plant your feet on the ground and go "no, I'm here and I am alive and I live for myself"? That's incredible.

I'm alive, too. By stars I'm alive. And I'm not gonna go anywhere until I'm forced from this earth kicking and screaming. And I'm gonna try my goddamn best to make sure that every day is as good as it can be, for everyone around me. For myself.

Fuck it, we only have so much time. We gotta make the best of it, eh? Good memories. I want to go thinking about good memories. Laughter. Friends.

Maybe that could be enough.

[transingthoseformers]

Mtmte, but it's what styles of pizza I think different characters would like and it's based on subjective vibes alone.

Whirl would loudly brag about eating pizza with pineapple and pizza with broccoli, and exactly do neither he doesn't like pizza lol. So he's just in the corner making a fuss, not even touching his slice of decoy pizza.

Swerve would honestly like pizza with pineapple and he's willing to tell you why and ykw valid.

Dunno why but i feel like Ultra Magnus/Minimus Ambus would like mushrooms on his. I get that vibe from him.

Ratchet now he'd go for pepperoni but also like his pizza fairly half burnt.

Rodimus is the guy who swears by ranch and hot sauce on pizza. I used to see a lot of people at school do that and it feels like a Roddie thing to do.

Megatron would like broccoli on his pizza but it's the most well kept secret ever, fucker is willing to hide it under the cheese just to avoid the convo.

Brainstorm seems like he's the guy who would absolutely fucking drown his pizza in garlic. Like, personal Riot story but I used to like a little bit of garlic in stuff until I tried the "white pizza" one of the first days of middle school and it was goddamn revolting and I cannot stand garlic to this day. Anyways yes i feel like someone has definitely tried stealing his share of pizza, started gagging and accused him of poisoning the pizza. But nope Brainstorm just seems like a garlic guy.

Drift would like three cheese pizza. He'd make up some reason for why about how the flavors compliment each other but he's talking out of his aft, Drift chanced a frozen pizza once and it worked out very well for him.

Ambulon would like half and half, pepperoni on one side just cheese on the other.

Tailgate enjoys plain cheese pizza, and always gets extra pizza because like damn how does he fit all that in that tiny frame, how high is his metabolism.

Cyclonus is okay with plain cheese or pepperoni, and he secretly takes off all the pepperoni from Tailgate's and gives him Whirl's pizza.

Red Alert will legitimately only eat cheese pizza and he will not eat any that a topping has even been near because no you can't just pick it off it leaves all the weird little oils and bits behind and changes the taste

Rung will deny any preference but if you press him about it he will admit a soft spot for stuffed crust.

Getaway... hmmm he seems like a mayo on the pizza person and yes i have seen people put mayo on pizza it's a thing I swear only happens in schools but hey here's Getaway giving mayo vibes.

Fortress Maximus will go absolutely fucking nuts for pizza with extra cheese, whether it's in the crust or on the pizza hell i feel like he's the guy who'd ask for the cheese that ended up on the sides of the box when it got cut and Max goddamn right for this

Overlord just fucking eats the boxes that people throw into the basement because they're saving them for some cardboard creation but there's never enough for some reason

Atomizer doesn't care what kind of pizza he gets but he's a pizza thief who will beg everyone to give him their slice or take it if you leave it unattended because yes people do that and it's another only in highschool thing

Trailblazer hmmm he seems like a guy who likes cheese pizza with a reasonable sprinkling of garlic and mozzarella

Sunstreaker literally doesn't care but he prefers anchovies on his pizza, sometimes he has to fight to keep his slices away from Bob because that's my pizza damn it Bob shoo.

First aid also seems like a pepperoni guy but cringes at all the pizza war crimes he sees the others commit so he sneaks into his quarters to eat his.

Whirl's scraplet daughter will eat literally anything you give her so sometimes you've gotta forfeit your slice to her or forfeit your leg

Perceptor will eat barbecue sauce pizza and while he can probably explain it I'm willing to bully him for his choice instead

Ten would be a pizza dough bot and everyone worries about him getting salmonella but don't worry he won't because the power of friendship

Have you ever heard of buffalo chicken pizza? I wish I hadn't so I'm inflicting the love of it onto the entirety of the DJD because they love to see their victims cry as they realize they're gonna be forcefed the edible warcrime

[vespertineart]

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

~☆My General La Squadra Headcanons☆~

Part 2

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ft. Melone, Ghiaccio, Illuso~♡

part 1 already posted!☆

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪��▪︎▪︎

Melone

♡ 22 years old.

♡ Natural blonde. He dyed his hair because he got bored of its unnecessarily pale color. At first he wanted red, but when he saw the unique purple of the conditioner next to the shade of his face, he immediately changed his mind.

♡ No, he is NOT hupersexual, and I've had enough of people thinking he is. Do your research before diagnosing a character with something so severe.

♡ What his 'hypersexuality' actually is, is literally just the effects of having a fetish. I would know. Plus it's very obvious from the anime/manga anyways. I can explain the difference in another post if you want me to. I'd be happy to inform you guys :)

♡ he is, however, a big fan of seuxual humor (same lmao)

♡ His favorite bands are Mindless Self Indulgence, Pink Pantheress, Lady GaGa (his absolute idol), Jason Derulo and 100% unironically, too.

♡ His style is very androgynous. As clear from his uniform, he likes to show his torso quite a bit. NO IT'S NOT CAUSE HE'S GAY. It's just a style he feels comfortable in. It has nothing to do with impressing strangers or team members lest he'd not have any time for mafia work. Again i can make an analysis on him some other time.

♡ Avid city boy!! Lives for the crowds and large friend groups. Needless to say, he's the happiest when in a bar with the team playing poker and cracking up jokes.

♡ Actually the most genuinely, wholesomely affectionate one.

♡ His favorite foods are contradictory in texture. He loves chewy with crunchy, like rice with almonds, liquid with solid like tomato soup and baked bread...etc

♡ He's actually very self conscious when it comes to his love life because it's very rare you find someone with very odd fetishes like him. Plus, he's very awkward overall. His posture says enough (i love his posture though its so endearing 🥺)

♡ It's not that he needs to live up to his queer identity of a twink androgynous male, even though he's nailing it, it's just that his metabolism is unbelievably high. He's tried everything, believe me.

♡ Like Risotto, he's a very good father figure.

Ghiaccio

☆ 22 years old. Him being the same age as Melone is one of the main reasons they're so close. The second is that they're both the youngest members of the team.

☆ His favorite bands are Arctic Monkeys, The neighborhood, a few songs from Gorillaz, and his second favorite song from The White Album is Oobla-di! (I actually was so happy to find out he loves the Beatles ajebnsnss)

☆ Was a figure skater in the works for quite a big portion of his life, but then he was put on the Olympics and found he greatly enjoys the competitive feel. He has 12 trophies and 20 medals from many competitions he's joined since he was 9.

☆ His style is mostly casual, but definitely not bland. His favorite articles of clothing are his abundance of black high-necks. He likes to wear fake piercings and a few rings if he's trying to spazz himself up a bit.

☆ His favorite foods are soft foods. He likes anything that can be eaten with his hands, or won't be a hassle to take along with him if he's in a rush. He also loves cold drinks and flavored teas a lot (he even buys them in winter)

☆ Cannot survive summer. Sunburns EVERYWHERE. He has a huge stash of sunscreens of different spf for different settings too. His skin is so sensitive, it gets ashy by the end of of day.

☆ Is never cold, and because of his stand, he doesn't get sick...often. When he does however, it's usually seasonal fever. It's the biggest downside of having his stand.

☆ Risotto helps him get better

☆ He's actually very soft-hearted despite his anger-driven bursts. When he's with the people he trusts the most (especially Melone) he's extremely tame, in behaviour and speech. He doesn't swear as much, and the team appreciates those days a lot. But hell if they'll ever let a day pass without Ghiaccio screaming at them. It's not him!

☆ Has ended up asleep on his teammates laps on so many occasions. Especially after a long mission. He uses up a pity-provoking amount of bodily and spiritual energy that by the end of the day he'd just want to flunk on the neatest surface and catch a few Zs. Of course, seeing as this is a wonderful opportunity for his team to finally see him calm, they tease him to the max!

Illuso

♧ 27 years old.

♧ Don't ask him for his hair routine. He doesn't know. He boasts about its natural perfection so much too-

♧ Curses his height sometimes. It prevents him from gaining a proper amount of muscle, but of course as his body works, he can't really do anything about it. This is mostly he wears his padded outfit, to appear more large. Be does appreciate the broadness of his shoulders though.

☆ His favorite musicians are Prince, Bruno Mars, Elvis and The Weather Girls. He relates to all of them in terms of self-worth.

☆ Too bad he sucks ass at self-care though.

☆ He eats the unhealthiest junk ever. His favorite fast food chain is Subways (you are what you eat ig but that's a topic for later) He also drinks a lot of soda. It's a miracle he hasn't developed osteoporosis by now.

☆ His style is as funky as Formaggio,almost the same thing too. He lives for black cargo pants and chains, but he's very big on all-black clothes that include long coats. It compliments his lanky figure. Loves to match everything with Demonias or Doc Martens. Has a large selection of rings, fake piercings and hand chains. Very show-offy.

☆ Surprisingly the most blasphemous person in the gang. Yes, even more than Melone. Despite Melone being shameless of his peculiar likings, he'd never be immature enough to speak about it out loud, unlike Illuso. He says things like "that's his steaming hot cum sock" to Prosciutto when he asks about someone's discarded clothes.

☆ The shittiest person ever don't talk to him. 💀

[strangestcase]

k but there's this moment in the lxg novelization in which quatermain is trying to get hyde to turn back in the ice box, and while he is cut off, he tries to say, "Henry, think pleasant thoughts"

and that makes me think that we don't really know how the potion thing works in the film canon you know? in the comics we get a succint explanation- jekyll turns into hyde when he's angry or scared, and from what we see, hyde turns into jekyll when he's tired or falls unconscious. this is in line with the ending of the novella, in which jekyll transforms uncontrollably, and needs the potion to stay as himself.

meanwhile, in the film, jekyll needs to take the potion to turn into hyde, and in the novelization hyde explains that he turns back into jekyll when he's burnt through the potion, which is laymans term for having metabolized it until less than the minimum effective concentration is left (in short, he stays as hyde for as long as the potion can have an effect in his body- and once his liver and/or kidneys have gotten rid of most of it to the point what's left can't keep him as hyde, he turns back). this explanation makes sense- hyde turns back in the ice box after much thrashing and struggling against his chains, then turns back in M's headquarters after not just a long raid but having been beaten up by Dante. it looks like stress can make the potion "burn" faster.

but from this other part of the novelization -the ice box scene-, it seems like hyde can turn back when he's calm or has positive thoughts which we never really see in the film canon. i have the feeling this was thrown away since it would make hyde be too similar to the hulk, and the hulk movie had come out that same year. comparisons were going to be inevitable (despite how different both monsters are, beyond the fact that they're both big and angry and science fiction-y) and the film team wanted lxg hyde to not just be a rehash of the hulk -not just because he never was one, but also because hyde as a character predates the hulk by decades-.

as for the other changes in the transformation mechanic, this doylist "can't be the hulk 2" explanation is very sound. moore included callbacks to the hulk when he wrote hyde BECAUSE hyde inspired the hulk, but when the hulk movie is coming out the same year... well, you can't just do that. plus, the potion thing is more recognizable! it's what everybody thinks of when they hear the name(S) of jekyll and hyde- a scientist downs a potion and turns into a monster.

let's be honest here- talking lxg, a lot of the changes from the og books to comics and film have almost entirely doylist explanations with the in-universe ones as basically an excuse (COUGHS JONATHAN'S ABSENCE COUGHS) and that's fine, but the good news is, lxg is written in a way in which it's relatively easy to draw a line between the canons and make your own watsonian explanation. it would make sense that, as per film canon, jekyll has fashioned himself a new formula, one that allows him to only transform into hyde when he chooses (not like he has much of a choice since. he's addicted to it. but still), with the side effect that it is metabolized much faster than the original formula.

anyway. this was supposed to be a short meta post about a throwaway line in the novelization. lol. lmao.

[dislifeismid]

How about headcanons for the tang brothers and mori with a chubby s/o?

Damn. I used to be chubby and then stopped eating and lost lotta weight.. still look chubby :/ i got them thicc thighs and some stomach. Like my friend... instead she worked hard and did sports to loose weight. Our body types still make us look kinda chubby. Everyone's different and copes with how they look differently so i'll try to give like various responses here??? But!! Everyone is different, and, how you feel and how you deal with something like weight is always up to you!!

With a chubby s/o

Tang xuan

I've mentioned somewhere i believe Xuan believes in smoll tiddy girl supremacy. I think he just likes boyish body types. Or slender males.

But!!! Xuan falls in love with the person before their looks, ok!!! And! He loves you!!

Loves taking you out to get snacks at the nearest store

He loves working out and doing physical activities- hopefully you join him?! Never because he wants you to loose weight and you know this. Your adorable boyfriend just genuinely wants to share his passion with you!!!

So so supportive always 24/7 you will never not feel loved if you date Xuan no matter who you are tbh.

Tang yun

Will not comment or acknowledge it. As per anything else...

Silently likes to wrap his arms around your waist, leaning against you. grabby little hands greedily pawing at the chub of your stomach, or thighs, sometimes.

More of you to own/love, why would he complain.

Will never share his snacks with you though. Suffer in silence.

Favorite activity gotta be resting on your lap 🙏

How are you chubby but Yunnie has more cake still hmm?? 🤨🤨

Suspicious.

Mori

Doctor mode. He can't help it, habits are hard to break. He'l bring it up super professionally- do you want to loose some weight? Talk about it. He's willing to help in any way he can. You'l have to be comfortable with talking about stuff like this tbh.

And as per his doctor agenda he will never bring up how you look or how much you weight strictly outside a health setting. He will also tend to be annoyed if you check your weight often, always tapping you with his notepad with a "that's not reliable, dumbass." It's dangerous to attribue a number to that stuff. He doesn't want you relying on the scale.

Will not ever shame you for anything. His only concern in his life is your health, nothing else. Will never be rude about how you look or how much you weight.

He actually likes curvy and thicker girls more, (contrast to Xuan), he thinks they're more attractive. He likes hips especially. If you're amab, not really any different from if you weren't chubby. It hits him different for women because Gozu activates some moo moo brain part of him that sees wide hips and mixes it with his doctor knowledge to just flash "very fertile good for kidz"

Smiles softly while calling you cute names relatively associated to cattle. You might take it as insult. Usually someone calling you a cow would get like, a slap across the face. Mori says it in such an endearing way- you're HIS little moo moo. :C it's 100% fine if you don't like it!! He will stop! But, as i said, dumb little cow brain just associates chub with being a viable mate. And. Yeah. Yknow. You're his little cow :C he thought it was cute, he's sorry 😭 he looks very cute when apologizing so forgive him.

May steal your food. How is it fair he gains no weight he eats more than you do. "Do you need me to explain metabolisms again?" He says, mouth stuffed with choco cookies. 🫠

He's like a mom keep this man's knowledge away

[jess-moloney]

I think there are many reasons and/or forces why she set her instagram account private. Maybe she tries to get her followers back or something is going on. 

Personally, I believe she is going to lose more followers every day. People are interested in Jamie, not Jess. Because her account is and most likely will be lacking content of Jamie, people lose their interest. It’s been like 3-4 months since she posted a picture of them. 

And what comes to Renell and other content she stole from others, maybe she has finally been put in charge or at least in some kind of difficult position because of it. Maybe that could explain why the ice studio link is gone from her bio.

I have a feeling Jamie is very close to getting rid of her, if he hasn’t already. Ofc she wants to keep that “i’m his gf” image as long as she can. But she can’t do that forever. When Jamie stops following her I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s angry and does something horrible. Or she removes her account and “starts over” with the new account she bought. That would explain why she started to follow an account which was on sale.

On top of all of this, I’m pretty sure that your blog has opened some people’s eyes and I wish that more people would wake up to reality. I’m 99,9% sure that she knows about this blog. Maybe her crazy stans told her about it and she has been reading your posts ever since. She must hate it when things fall apart when people start to see through her and her bs. 

And about that interview she gave… It was a disaster. And her “skin care secrets”.... 

1) I think it is obvious to most people that makeup needs to be cleansed off. That wasn’t good advice. Instead she could have recommended an eye makeup remover or a cleansing product she uses.  

2) Using moisturiser because it prevents cellulite? Ok, It’s important to moisturise your skin. It keeps skin soft and elastic and that is how it prevents formation of cellulite. But if you really want to prevent cellulite, you should remember a healthy lifestyle. You can also try dry brushing and cold-hot showers on areas with cellulite. (Cold-Hot shower example; 10sec hot water, 10 sec cold water, repeat it 3x, and warm water for final.) It increased blood circulation and metabolism in the area.  

3) Two people can’t be anyone’s top secret to flawless skin. I mean everybody has different skin and different issues. It is important to use skincare products that suit your skin. Moreover, what you see on social media is usually just an image. Most people don’t have “perfect skin” that everybody wants. People usually edit their photos and use filters before they post it anywhere.

What I think is possible (as a reason she went private) is she knows something bad is about to happen and it will reflect badly on her. Which I know is confusing because she already willingly posts stuff that makes her look bad, I get it. The thing is it only looks bad to people paying attention.

Jess thinks it looks good and her stans think it looks good because they all have this way of justifying it as normal or cool or whatever else they do. Yes, the people who don't like her see through it, but to Jess (and her stans) none of this matters because Jess thinks she's hot shit in these posts and that's all that matters. If some news were to break outside of her control that something bad is going on that makes her look bad or say there's a breakup then she would want to hide her account and not make it look like the creepy half stolen half Jamie shrine that it is.

As for the rest of what you said about skincare you're right. Also her appearance. Also, for healthy skin you don't need multiple products or to go completely crazy. I only have two things I use religiously (both are organic and both aren't very expensive). Though I do get breakouts from time to time (which is normal) because skin goes through all sorts of cycles, what she's promoting and how she's promoting it is just superficial and shows how completely narcissistic she is.

[silverlab101]

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[issdanan]

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[gadedowd5]

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