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luci-in-trenchcoats · 5 years

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A Place To Call Home: Home

Summary: The reader stops by her parents place unannounced looking for a few things and delivers some news that will change their family forever...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 7,500ish

Warnings: language

A/N #1: Takes place ~4 months after The Video & The House timestamp...

A/N #2: Oh, I’ve gotten so much joy from writing this series and watching these characters and relationships blossom into so much more. I plan for this to be the final timestamp for this series. Thank you for all the support this one has been shown and enjoy!...

“Hi dad,” you said, walking straight into their house, heading for the basement stairs. “You still got all the old kid clothes from when the other guys were little, right?”

“Yes,” he said, hopping up from his seat and following you down the hall and the stairs. “Y/N.”

“I need the clothes and some toys,” you said, already flipping on the light and walking the shelves. “Maybe some other stuff. I might stop back later tonight.”

“You guys babysitting for a friend or something?” he asked. You paused, his brow furrowing. “Talk to me, tall munchkin. What’s going on?”

“It’s a long story,” you said, finding two boxes with baby clothes and grabbing them, your dad taking one from your arms as you headed upstairs.

“Y/N,” he said, following you out to your car where you shoved them in your backseat. “Y/N. Slow down.”

“Dad, it is a really, really long story,” you said.

“I got all the time in the world,” he said. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes, opening them to see a whole lot of concern in his. “Kiddo.”

“...Short version? About three months ago TJ and I were out for dinner downtown. We were walking back to our car and we cut through an alley cause it was pouring rain out and we were trying to get back to the garage we parked in faster. We found a kid, this baby. It was crying pretty quiet in this cardboard box by the dumpster. It was a newborn, like, brand new newborn. We got her someplace safe and even shorter story, as of about ten minutes ago, we’re her foster parents,” you said.

He stared at you, blinking slowly, lips moving a few times but nothing came out.

“She’s going to be over in like an hour and I want to have the house ready as much as possible,” you said. “Dad, can I go?”

“You’re a foster parent?” he asked quietly.

“It’s like I said, long story. Just can I have the stuff and go for right now?” you asked. He nodded, shutting the backdoor for you. “Thanks.”

You weren’t expecting him to get in the passenger seat but maybe he simply wanted to help move the boxes for you. You were in your driveway in under a minute, setting the boxes down inside when you caught sight of TJ putting together a portable crib.

“You guys are fosters?” said your dad again as you started to unpack a few things.

“Yup,” said TJ, groaning at the crib. “I hate this thing.”

“Turn the piece the other way,” said your dad. TJ did and it popped into place, TJ giving him a grateful look as he worked on the other side. “Fosters?”

“Is there an echo? Yes,” you said, separating out the clothes.

“You’re barely 25. You’re a foster parent? Both of you?” he asked. You lifted your head up, staring him down.

“Dad. I never understood, not all the way, how you could have loved me unconditionally right away. I just...I didn’t think I would ever understand that. I know you said you always knew but I always thought you were being nice because how could you really love someone right away like that? Then we met Allie three months ago. Immediately, I understood. The second we found out she was going into foster care, we signed up. We don’t know why we love her so much and it frankly scares the shit out of me and him over there but we love that kid. There is some kind of connection to her. I don’t care if we’re only 25. We’re old enough and we’ll give her a safe place to grow up in,” you said.

“Oh God. You want to adopt her, don’t you?” he said, his face blank as he looked between the two of you.

“Yeah, I do,” you said.

“Me too,” said TJ, working on the last piece of the crib.

“Like I said...we love her,” you said.

“Okay. Okay,” said your dad, a gentle smile on his face. “Mom and I will help you. Give me a second, lot to take in at once.”

“Well when you stop freaking out, we need to start baby proofing pronto,” you said, taking out some clothes and tossing them in a pile for the wash.

“Uh, sure, I’m on it,” he said, taking off when you pointed him upstairs. He was nearly all the way up when he came back down and gave you a big hug.

“Dad,” you groaned.

“You understand,” he said. You nodded, a soft smile crossing his face. “It’s really scary, huh?”

“Yeah,” you said, returning it as TJ finished up. “You don’t love me any different than if I was your own kid.”

“You are my own kid,” he said, forcing himself away. “Okay, I’m on picking up anything bad. Call your mom, she’s out at the store with the other guys right now. She can grab instant formula. How old’s Allie again?”

“About three months. She’s a little small…” you trailed off, looking to TJ.

“Someone tried to throw her away after she was born. She had a rough first few days,” said TJ. Your dad froze for a moment, your own face scrunching up. “Yeah. We don’t get it either.”

“Well it sounds like she’ll do just fine with you two around,” he said. “Give me a shout if you need me to do something else.”

“Alright,” you said, spinning around the kitchen. “House is good and clothes are clean and food is here and crib done and we got tons of diapers and we’re gonna need a crash course on diaper changes but I think we have everything to survive tonight. I think.”

“You sound like a true mom,” said your mom with a small laugh, JJ watching the other guys back at home. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest when the doorbell rang, TJ grabbing your hand as he pulled you over and opened the door.

“Hi guys,” said Cole, holding a baby carrier in one hand, a curious little Allie tucked inside, black tuft of hair like TJ’s jutting out from under her pink hat.

“Cole?” you said. “I thought Allie’s case worker was-”

“Hey kid. You think when I heard my old foster was a parent I was letting that one slip past me?” he said, stepping inside, carefully setting down the carrier and giving you a hug. “Allie, this is Y/N and her husband, TJ. Me and Y/N go way back to when she was just ten years old. It took awhile but I finally got her hooked up with an awesome family. I think you cutie patootie are gonna hit the jackpot with just your second home you lucky girl.”

“How is she?” you asked.

“Good. She’s you know, got that classic sass this family thrives off of so she’ll fit in just fine,” he said.

“Can I…” asked TJ, almost reaching down for her but pausing, Cole chuckling to himself.

“Yeah. I got to take the carrier back anyways,” said Cole. TJ bent down and carefully picked her up, Allie laying her head on his shoulder and shutting her eyes. “We had a long drive over. I think she likes you TJ.”

“Hi Allie,” he said softly, one of her hands fisting in his shirt. “You look so good and healthy now, baby girl.”

He started to walk around with her, lost in his own little world as you watched with Cole.

“Always knew that kid would be a good dad,” said your own, he and your mom stepping around the corner.

“Jensen, Danneel. It’s been a while. Bet you didn’t think you’d be grandparents so soon, huh?” teased Cole.

“I’m not even fifty,” said your dad, running his hand through his hair with a laugh. “Must run in the family or something.”

“Yes, it does,” said Cole, turning back to you. “Alright, so the process is going to be a little bit different than when you were a kid Y/N. Different hoops to jump through.”

“We don’t care,” you said with a nod.

“Fostering is one thing, adoption is another,” he said.

“I understand that. But I am going to be that little girl’s mother. I don’t care how hard it is,” you said.

“I know. I got to say it to all my first time fosters looking to adopt, just something I do,” he said.

“He did it to us too,” said your mom.

“I will be checking in on you guys on a regular schedule. I’ll be doing unannounced visits. They may be frequent, they may not be. My best interest is that of the child. I know you want this. I know you’ve grown quite a bit since the last time we saw one another. I have no doubts that you and TJ will love Allie like she’s your own. It��s just the process we have to go through. I’m not going to freak out on you if you’re not perfect parents. They don’t exist, trust me. Even these two over here. A safe and loving home is what I expect and I am confident you could do that in your sleep. Okay?” asked Cole.

“Okay,” you said.

“TJ?” he asked.

“Okay,” he said, carrying Allie over, handing her to you.

“Hey,” said your dad, giving Allie a tiny wave as you held her. She giggled, smiling at him. “I’m your grandpa, Jensen, and you are adorable. But you can call me Jay.”

“You got some time to figure out the name, grandpa,” said your mom, Allie booping her nose when she leaned in. “She’s got hair just like TJ and look at those eyes. You got eyes like your new mama.”

“Her name...how do you name a baby when something like that happens?” asked your dad when Allie turned her attention back to TJ and smiled at him.

“Ask these two, they were calling her baby Allie when the paramedics got there. The name stuck apparently,” said Cole.

“Allie?” asked your dad, you mom breaking out into a quiet giggle.

“Allie. They found her in an alley, Jens. Allie,” she said.

“Thank god she wasn’t found at a 7/11,” he said. You laughed, Allie trying to mimic the sound, big eyes staring up at you. “Oh, she is smitten with you.”

“She’s not the only one.”

Two Months Later

“Y/N?” your dad yawned on the other end of the line. It was three in the morning and you knew you shouldn’t have called but you were sleep deprived and TJ wasn’t home and you just needed some help. “Kiddo?”

“Can you please come over?” you breathed out.

“I’ll be right there. Is Allie okay? You okay?” he asked, the sound of a door opening in the background.

“Yeah,” you whispered, Allie screaming her head off again straight in your other ear. “Please.”

“Alright. I’m in the garage. I’ll be there in just a minute,” he said.

About sixty seconds later, you heard him pull in and walk through the front door in a t shirt and boxers. You were sitting on the couch, Allie still shouting, your dad frowning when he saw you.

“She won’t stop. I don’t know...TJ always knows and he’s away at that work conference…” you said, tears prickling in the corners of your eyes. “I’m just so tired.”

“When’s the last time you slept?” he asked, picking Allie up and bouncing her on his hip lightly as he started to walk around.

“I don’t know,” you said, rubbing your wet face. “Tuesday?”

“Go to bed,” he said. “Now.”

“No, no. I just-”

“I wasn’t asking. Go to bed. You’re crying and upset because you’re exhausted. I got Allie,” he said.

“Why won’t she stop?” you said as you stood up, holding out your arms for her.

“Hey, tall munchkin,” he said, getting you to pause for a moment. “I know you’re scared something’s wrong. I know. She’s being cranky right now is all. I guarantee she misses her daddy and that’s what it is. Daddy hasn’t been gone this long before.”

“How do I make it stop then?” you mumbled.

“You go sleep. I got her,” he said, booping her nose as she continued to shout. “Come on Allie. Let’s go take mommy’s car for a drive. I bet you love getting middle of the night car rides. All you lil guys do.”

“Dad, I can-”

“Bed. Please. Turn off your alarm. I’m staying over tonight and you’re not going to work tomorrow,” he said. “Boss man said it’s okay.”

“What if Cole drops by tomorrow...I can’t...I-”

“Honey,” he said, Allie red in the face at this point. “Nobody does it alone if they don’t have to and you don’t have to. You got a whole family behind you. TJ being gone this week, we should have offered in advance.”

“I would have said I was fine,” you said.

“I know,” he said with a smile. “Please go rest, Y/N. Please.”

You nodded and gave Allie a kiss goodnight when she took a moment to get more air back in her lungs to keep shouting. It got quiet as he took her outside and you heard your car start up. You wear barely in bed with the covers over you before you passed out.

You wearily woke up around noon, not remembering the last time you had slept that long. It was before Allie came along for sure. You stretched as you sat up, finding some clothes that smelled cleaned and tossed them on. Downstairs you found your favorite lunch sandwich from the place near the brewery in the fridge, a plate of cookies on the counter along with a bottle of wine and a note on top.

Allie’s ours for the day. You can swing by our place at six for dinner but until then, take some time for you, kiddo.

“I owe you guys one,” you said, scratching your head.

“Hey,” you said, walking into the house just before six, Arrow running around the corner holding up a finger to her lips. She pointed at the couch and you looked over the edge, your dad fast asleep with Allie passed out on his chest.

“Those two have been playing and playing all day,” said your mom from the kitchen.

“Thanks for watching her today,” you said.

“I helped!” said Arrow. “I even changed her diaper.”

“Thanks sis,” you said. “You’re a good Aunt.”

“I’m ten,” she deadpanned.

“Still Allie’s Aunt,” you teased. “So what’s for dinner?”

“Barbecue and mac & cheese,” said Arrow.

“Sounds perfect,” you said, taking a seat at the kitchen counter. Arrow took off when she heard Zeppelin call for her, your mom shrugging at his obliviousness to the pair sleeping nearby.

“Eh, Allie’s a deep sleeper. She tuckered your dad right out. He didn’t sleep much last night,” she said.

“I didn’t mean to ruin his sleep too,” you said, resting your head in your hand, propping your elbow against the counter. She smiled, leaning over the edge. “I know. You didn’t mean it like that.”

“Some nights...they just scream and shout and you want to help ‘em but you don’t know what to do. Some nights, you just gotta let ‘em get it out of their system,” she said.

“Dad said she missed TJ probably. That didn’t even cross my mind,” you said.

“Because you were too tired to realize you miss him yourself,” she said.

“Yeah. She’s a daddy’s girl. She always calms down for him,” you said.

“Sounds like someone else,” she said.

“I know. JJ’s such a daddy’s girl,” you said with a smirk.

“Well yes but I meant you, silly,” she said.

“Me? I am not a daddy’s girl. Have you met me?” you said with a laugh.

“He’s still wrapped around your finger,” she said.

“No he’s not,” you said.

“It’s not a bad thing, your dad being one of your best friends,” she said with a smile. “It’s got it’s perks for sure.”

“...I think I scared him last night,” you said. “Calling like that.”

“You should have seen him with JJ. She was four months old, he’d just gotten a red eye home from work. 16 hour day, hadn’t slept the night before because of some neighbor dog sitting the chihuahua from Hell he called it. He’d been awake like...over forty hours at that point. I had the flu so I couldn’t handle JJ and she just went off just as he was going to bed. That was not a good night for him or anyone really. So we left her in her crib after the usual stuff and she eventually stopped and she just wanted attention we figured out. She was learning to test mom and dad out,” she said.

“So babies are cute little evil pooping machines?” you asked.

“Yup,” she said.

“She’s pretty cute though,” you said.

“Yeah she is.”

You heard your dad stir, an adorable giggle coming from over there as he sat up.

“They awaken,” said your mom. “Want me to order the food?”

“Yes please,” he yawned, standing up and carrying over Allie, letting her sit on his lap when he sat down beside you. “You look better.”

“You got me cookies,” you said. “And wine.”

“You can have that later,” he teased, Allie looking up at him. “You gonna behave yourself tonight little missy and let your mommy get some sleep? She misses TJ too ya know. Don’t see her crying about it.”

“It’s okay to miss your dad,” you said, tilting your head at them both. “You still don’t look like a grandpa.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he laughed, handing over Allie to you.

“Hi sweetums,” you said, Allie smiling and reaching for you, pulling your thumb to her mouth to suck on.

“You got a paci around here somewhere,” said your mom, spinning around and grabbing one off the counter while she was on hold, handing it over along with a towel.

“Thanks,” you said, trading off with Allie, a little look of contentment on her face. You cleaned yourself off, Allie playing with it for a moment. “Dad.”

“You’re a good mom, kiddo,” he said.

“I was just...do you think we’re too young?” you asked.

“No. Being a good parent has nothing to do with age. You would know that,” he said. “Got a call from Cole earlier actually. They’re moving on to the interviewing family stage. They’re gonna come talk to all of us. Adoption shouldn’t be too too long now.”

“I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing,” you said.

“You never really will,” he said. “Fake it til you make it.”

“I didn’t want to be a mom so soon you know,” you said.

“Maybe not but you want to be her mom and that’s what matters,” he said.

“When does the wisdom part come?” you joked.

“Eventually,” he said. “You’ll have the hang of it by the time this one is in need of some advice.”

“Thanks for taking her last night,” you said.

“S’no problem. I know how to deal with an upset little Ackles girl,” he teased. “Hanover girl I should say.”

“You just wanted time with grandpa,” you said.

“I am too young to be grandpa,” he said, tickling one of Allie’s feet as she played with them. “Next time, just call before we get to the breaking point, okay kiddo?”

“Yeah, cause that’s totally me,” you said.

“Well it’s hard to be perfect like your old man,” he said, your mom whacking his arm as she walked by. “Hey, so I picked up a new job.”

“What’s it about?” you asked.

“It’s a rom com,” he said.

“You’re gonna be in a rom com?” you teased. “Oh, that is great. Oh, that is-“

“It’s a horror movie,” said your mom, whacking him again. “Oh my...still on hold.”

“Don’t spoil it for her!” he said.

“Let me guess, you’re the bad guy,” you said.

“No...maybe...act surprised anyways,” he said. “And I really am doing a rom com!”

“Since when?” said your mom, starting to laugh when she took off and started ordering.

“You’re doing a rom com? Wow,” you teased. “Allie, maybe you can watch that one with me.”

“Jared’s gonna do it with me. We get to film right here in Austin. Should be a lot of fun,” he said.

“Well that’s good. So is it really a rom com?” you asked.

“More rom drama? It’s a story, about a guy,” he said. “He’s a dad. Single dad. Meets a girl and all that.”

“Sounds sweet,” you said.

“It’ll be fun. Looking for a set designer if you’re interested again,” he said.

“I would. But the brewery keeps me busy enough along with this gal,” you said.

“I figured as much,” he said, Allie playing with one of his fingers. “I know. You’re adorable, aren’t you?”

“Cole said we can rename her if we want once the adoption is getting final. TJ and I were thinking of middle names,” you said.

“Well you got the Allie Hanover part figured out,” he said.

“TJ thought something with a J. She could maybe go by AJ sometimes too,” you said.

“Well there’s lots of pretty J names to pick from,” he said.

“We were thinking Jay,” you said. “After you. I know JJ has it too but...we liked the sound of it.”

“I think that’s pretty...and means more to me than you realize,” he said, taking Allie’s feet in his hands and giving them a light squeeze. “I guess that cements it now kid. You’re stuck with us crazies for life.”

“I don’t think she minds,” you said.

“I certainly hope not,” said TJ. You spun around in your chair with a smile, TJ a little tired looking under his baseball hat as he snuck in through the back door. “Surprise!”

“You’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!” you said, standing up and getting a hug and kiss, TJ taking Allie from you and giving her a big hug as well.

“Well I was planning on surprising you and then your parents told me there’d be free barbecue for dinner so naturally I rushed back as fast as I could. I heard my baby girl missed me last night,” he said, Allie trying to give him a kiss. “I love you too.”

“Now she’s an angel,” you said, as you sat back down leaning back in your chair.

“Oh she’s always an angel,” said TJ, bending down to give you a better kiss. “You doing okay today?”

“Yeah,” you hummed, TJ rubbing a hand over your head. “Needed a little help was all. Missed you.”

“Missed you too, dork,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Mind if I run home to shower quick before dinner? I can grab the food along the way.”

“No, no. You take your shower and come back. I got the food,” said your dad. “Enjoy your girls.”

“Thanks,” said TJ. “I’ll be back in ten.”

“Okay. See you soon, TJ.”

Two Years Later

You giggled as you took a photo of TJ passed out on the couch, Allie taking up the other half and using his legs as a pillow. Little two month old Colin was fast asleep on TJ’s chest and your parents one year old dog, Toby, found a space near TJ’s head to get in on the cuddle with. You picked Colin up after a moment and put him in his portable crib beside them, giving your boy a kiss before wandering outside to your parents backyard where they were having a fire with your siblings.

“We thought you might have fallen in,” teased your dad.

“Just checking on the sleepy crew. They all seem pretty content,” you said, plopping down in your chair between the twins. Zeppelin started talking about school again, your dad smirking when Kylie came up in the conversation. It was clear it was his first crush but your dad didn’t say anything aside maybe he could drop him and Kylie off to go see a movie sometime. You smiled, JJ adamantly refusing that she liked anyone when pressed. You knew there was a boy, a certain Padalecki boy, that she liked. You’d only caught them out on their first date and all.

God, she was terrified you and TJ would tell on her and Tom. You promised to keep it a secret for now, knowing neither of your parents would have a problem with it, knowing that there’d been a running joke for years now about which kids were going to end up together.

“What about you Arrow? You caught the love bug yet or you still my precious baby girl?” asked your dad.

“You’ve met the boys in our grade. Not exactly prime material to work with there,” she said. You had to stifle a laugh, somehow amazed at the range of maturity she had despite being barely twelve.

“Oh, I know who Ro likes,” said Zeppelin with a smirk. “Or used to.”

“You would never betray twin code,” she scoffed. “You like being alive too much.”

“He’s your older brother. He just likes to mess with you,” you said. “Zeppelin knows which sibling to really fear.”

“TJ?” he laughed. You narrowed your eyes, Zeppelin shrugging. “Technically, he’s our brother.”

“TJ’s been around forever,” said Arrow. You looked over at your mom who was whispering something to your dad, the both of them staring at you when it finally clicked.

“Is it really? Today?” you asked.

“It only took you long enough to figure it out!” said your dad, your mom giggling beside him. “Nice to know how much it means to her.”

“What?” asked the twins, JJ tilting her head.

“I know you’re in on it. You three are horrible liars,” you said, the twins breaking out into smiles before they reached under their chairs and pulled out two presents.

“Happy ten years with us, kiddo,” said your dad.

“Flew by to be honest,” you said, getting handed three more presents. You leaned back in your chair, looking at the fire. “I still think about that day I came here sometimes. Zeppelin gave me his doggie.”

You ruffled his hair, Zeppelin shy for a moment.

“Arrow and JJ have me those obnoxious pink pajamas,” you said, both of them shaking their heads. “And you guys have me a home.”

“Well we didn’t get you a home this time. Open it up,” said your dad. “In order.”

“In order huh,” you said, finding the first one with a label on it in the dim light. You peeled off the wrapping paper, finding a baseball tee inside. “For that family baseball game coming up I assume?”

“Mhm. Keep going,” he said. The second present had a pair of flannel pajama pants, the third a cozy looking sweatshirt.

The fourth made you pause. You pulled out a sketchbook, not one you would buy in a normal store. It was meant for architecture design, room by room sketches.

You set the book down, going to the last item. A pair of keys.

“You bought a house,” you said.

“All the Ackles pitched in. It’s going to be a vacation house for everyone to use, pass down through the years. It needs a whole renovation done though. We thought maybe our resident architects would like to design it for the family,” said your dad.

“Yeah, we’d love to. We’re gonna want input from everybody,” you said, giving your pile of goodies a smile. “Still got me a home this time.”

“Almost like we planned it all out or something,” said your mom.

“I can’t believe I let myself be adopted by you two,” you laughed.

“It’s kind of funny,” said JJ, looking at the fire. “How stuff works out.”

“You having a moment?” said your dad, leaning forward in his seat. “I got ten years of experience in this just so you know.”

“How did you not run away from these losers?” she joked, quickly wincing. “Sorry.”

“S’okay. I came back,” you said.

“You ran away? said Zeppelin. “Yeah, right.”

“She did! She was a little popsicle when I found her. Froze my own ass off that night looking for her,” said your dad.

“Language,” said your mom.

“Oh they’re twelve. We said thirteen. Close enough,” he said.

“Alright but no repeating anything out of your degenerate of a father’s mouth,” she said.

“Thank you. As I was saying, that sucked and she didn’t do it again. Well, I caught her in the driveway once but it was May at least that time and she’d had a rough day,” he said.

“Why would you ever want to run away?” asked Zeppelin.

“Because I was scared, of a lot,” you said. “I said some pretty horrible things back then.”

“I don’t really remember it that way,” said your mom.

“I remember watching Zepp and he smacked his head on the floor,” you said.

“Is that why you’re so ugly?” asked Arrow with such a straight face, your dad burst out laughing.

“Oh, I miss when they were little but look at the little sarcastic monsters we created,” he said.

“Your father is so proud,” said your mom, shaking her head. “Zeppelin, you were fine. Not sure we ever even told you about that.”

“I guess I just don’t get why though. Not in a bad way, just ya know?” said Zepp.

“Hey. Y/N don’t have to tell us anything she doesn’t want to,” said JJ.

“Says the one who gets to know stuff,” he said.

“I know the same as you guys,” she said.

“Guys,” you said, your three younger siblings turning to you. “Do you guys remember when I told you how we found Allie?”

“Yeah,” said JJ.

“For about seven years, that’s what my life felt like. Like someone left me alone to get by. Except it was worse than that. If you are afraid for seven years, it takes time to learn not to be afraid. I’ve spent the past ten doing that. Ten years ago, I honestly believed every one of you was better off without me. Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. I just know I can’t ever explain it and I know you guys wonder what bad stuff happened to me in foster care but it doesn’t matter. You know what did happen to me in foster care? I found two dorky little sisters and a dorky little brother and two dorks for parents and even Icarus and now Toby and I got grandma and grandpa and grandma and grandpa again and our Aunts and Uncles and cousins and the Pads and a whole lot more people. I was alone. Then I wasn’t. I had nobody and then I got adopted. I found a family in foster care. That’s what happened,” you said.

“Yeah but what happened?” asked Arrow. You shook your head and laughed, your dad shrugging.

“You’re supposed to be all emotional and moved and all that now, Arrow. The point your sister is making-“

“You get to know, dad,” said JJ.

“Well what do you want to know?” you asked.

“I just wanted to know if you were, you know, happy,” she said. “Before us.”

“There were moments,” you said with a smile. “My first boyfriend made me happy. Doing well in school made me happy. I used to draw a lot. I got pretty good. Cole was always very kind to me. He used to take me out for fun days, get me out of my houses whenever he knew I was getting in a funk.”

“I don’t remember Cole doing that,” said your mom.

“Well after a few months here, he mentioned it, like we would after he did a normal check in and...we both decided I didn’t need ‘em anymore,” you said.

“I still can’t believe you ever thought Cole wouldn’t think you and TJ should have Allie,” she said.

“He’s seen me at my worst,” you said.

“And he’s seen how far you’ve come,” said your dad. “We don’t worry about this one running away anymore.”

“You guys are alright,” you said, stretching out your arms. “Hey, I think we should make some smores.”

“Do we have stuff?” asked your mom.

“I do at my house,” you said.

“Sounds like we’re about to have some smores in about ten minutes,” said your dad, hopping up from his seat. “We’ll be right back.”

You followed around the yard and out to the street, walking quietly on the December night.

“Here,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket, putting it on you. “Not as warm away from the fire.”

“Thanks,” you said, feeling like you were swimming in it. You got halfway to the corner before you stopped and looked over at him, his pace stilling. You gave him a hug, taking a deep breath. “Thanks, dad.”

“No. Thank you, tall munchkin,” he said, squishing you too tight for a moment. “I love you so much.”

“You have equally sappy moments like this with the other guys, right?” you asked.

“Yeah. Even TJ,” he said. “Even Arrow is getting into it. The boy she likes is apparently dating Sarah Jenkins and Sarah was mean to Arrow in History right in front of him and he didn’t say anything. She felt so bad.”

“She didn’t tell me,” you said.

“Eh, she’s still in that phase of not wanting to deal with that stuff yet which is fine with me. I’m sure she’ll be just like JJ and Zepp, running to you, you giving us the pertinent information,” he said.

“I do not,” you laughed. “I ain’t snitching unless I think I need to which I don’t.”

“JJ and Tom are so dating aren’t they,” he said with a big smile.

“They are best friends...who happen to enjoy kissing each other. Trust me, those two are miles and miles away from even figuring out what second base is,” you said.

“Because that’s an image I want of those two in my head,” he said, shaking his own.

“I literally have two kids. One of which came out of me. I would hope you know how babies are made,” you said.

“Nope. The stork dropped off Colin. Positive on that,” he said.

“You’re such a loser,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“I learned it from you,” he said, bumping your shoulder as you started to walk again. “But yes, all three are starting to grow up, starting to have those conversations with us.”

“What about TJ? I know you two do your guy stuff and have little man dates,” you said, getting a light ruffle of your hair for that.

“The boy wants to give you the world. He is smitten and then some. I understand that feeling. Sometimes I just remind him though to let you take care of him too. He’s a pretty special guy after all,” he said.

“Yes, he is,” you said, rounding the corner, slowing your pace some. “I still don’t know why he likes me.”

“He sees what we all wish you could see all the time,” he said. “I know that’s not how your head works though. But we’ll keep reminding you how great you are.”

“Really?” you scoffed. “I’m not anything special.”

“What?” he asked, voice smaller than you were used to hearing, making your head whip around. “You are great. I know you don’t think you are all the time but you do most of the time, don’t you?”

“I don’t think I’m great,” you laughed.

“Well, that’s because you’re humble. But…” he trailed off.

“Most of the time, I’m happy,” you said. “I promise.”

“Good,” he said.

“Dad,” you said, slowing your pace even further. “Not to get morbid…”

“Continue,” he chuckled.

“TJ and I, with Colin being born now...we’re going to change our will, if something ever happens to us,” you said.

“We will take care of them both,” he said. “You never have to ask that.”

“I know. I have a slightly different one to ask though. If for some reason, we’re gone and you guys are gone and...and everybody’s gone...and...we just don’t want the kids to get separated from their family, or each other,” you said.

“You want to do what we did with you,” he said with a smile. “And what we recently did with JJ.”

“Anything happens to all of us and she was old enough, I mean she’s 15 already, do you think she’d be okay with taking them in?” you asked.

“She loves her little niece and nephew. I am fully confident she’d be okay with it,” he said. “I know it sucks to have to think about this stuff but we’ll always make sure Allie and Colin stay with us.”

“If something happened-”

“If something happened on what would be the worst day of my life, those two are taken care of,” he said. “I promise.”

“Well, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon,” you said with a smile.

“Good. You’re not allowed to go first. Kids don’t go before the parents. It’s one of the rules,” he said.

“Like you got to stick around until 102?” you teased.

“I’m keeping up my end of it so far,” he said. “You keep up yours, deal?”

“Deal,” you said, jumping left into the road when you saw something crawling on the ground.

“Oh my…” he said, bending down and picking you up, a smile on your face at how strong and fit he still was for being fifty. “Did I not just say you can’t die? Like, don’t go jumping straight into the road.”

“First off, our neighborhood is quiet. Second, that is a big ass spider,” you said. He spun around, spotting the black ball move around.

“That’s just a squirrel,” he said, leaning in closer. It crawled further out so the street light caught it. He took off with you down the block. “Not a squirrel, not a squirrel.”

“Told you!” you laughed, getting a ride all the way to your house. He set you down inside, smiling when he saw a new batch of pictures of Allie and Colin together on the fridge.

“Hey kiddo?” he asked as you gathered up the stuff and tossed it in a bag.

“Yeah?” you asked, tying it up and switching off the kitchen light.

“You guys want to crash at our place tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said. “They’re all passed out anyways. If you don’t mind.”

“We never will,” he said. You headed outside and locked up, back to walking along the street, avoiding where you’d seen the spider and curving around the bend back to the house. “So, any big plans for your birthday next week? Somebody turns 27.”

“No. Mom said she was planning it all, just something small at home like normal,” you said.

“Reach in your left pocket,” he said. You shoved your hand in his jacket, pulling out an envelope. You stilled when you got to a street light and flipped it over.

Ten Years

“What’s this?” you asked, holding it up.

“You didn’t think I just wrote a letter the day you came here and the day you were adopted and the day you were married and the day Allie was adopted and the day you had Colin and...honestly you should not be surprised at my letters anymore, kiddo,” he teased.

“How many more are there?” you asked, carefully feeling the envelope, a few sheets of something handwritten inside you could tell.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked.

“I don’t need a letter to know I love you,” you said.

“Well I’m sorry but I got a whole lot of letters written up to hand out someday,” he said.

“Dad. When did you write this?” you asked. He shrugged. “Dad.”

“Day after you got adopted,” he said.

“You’re not allowed to be this sappy,” you said, running your hands over your face, pulling them away with a smile. You put the envelope back in your jean pocket and gave back the jacket when you were nearly there. “Come on, let’s go do smores old man.”

“Night,” yawned your dad, locking up after everyone went in for the night. Allie had woken up and settled herself at the other end of the couch more comfortably, TJ in a different position now. They both had blankets so you figured to leave them be, Colin still happily asleep beside them. You had your letter in hand as you headed for your old room, your dad checking the locks around the house, following you to the garage door, quickly walking past the open door of your room to head for bed.

“Dad?” you said. He hummed as he walked back into the doorframe, giving you a sleepy smile. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” he said.

“Check your right pocket,” you said. He tilted his head and reached his hand in his jacket pocket, pulling out a light blue envelope.

“Dad,” he read. “What’s this?”

“It’s your letter, silly,” you said. “I know what today is, dad. Mom found hers this morning.”

“Found what?” he asked, flipping it over, smirking at it as he saw what was written on the back. “You always write me sappy letters so I thought I’d write you one because today is the tenth year of you being my dad. Fair warning, you’re gonna cry cause this is so cute. Thank you for not giving up on me in the same spot you’re standing in ten years ago when I told you to. I can never repay you and mom for all you did. I love you.”

He pursed his lips and cleared his throat, lifting his head up with a smile.

“You never have to, kiddo. Never,” he said.

“I know. But I thought I’d tell you anyways,” you said. “The letter is so much worse by the way. Ugly tears kind of stuff.”

“You don’t hurt so much anymore, right?” he breathed out, nodding his head. “Right?”

“Yeah,” you said. “So much better than ten years ago. Ten years from now, I bet I’ll be even better.”

“Good,” he said, nodding his head. “Good. Let’s do this again in ten years?”

“Okay,” you said. “All the way to a hundred and two.”

“Stop making me cry or I’ll ground you,” he said, wiping his face with the back of his hand as he nodded.

“You can’t ground me,” you said, stepping over and giving him a hug.

“I could try,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, dad. Thank you. For everything.”

A/N: Check out the Christmas Vacation timestamp here!

#supernatural #spn #jensen x daughter!reader #rpf #au #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #series #supernatural reader insert #spn reader insert

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brokasteltranslations · 6 years

Text

Fate/Requiem: Prologue

People have taken to calling me “the Reaper”. Only once have I ever been thanked for my work.

–

This was awful. This had to have been one of the worst nights of my life.

My pursuers had grown in number once again. They were dividing, at an incredible rate. Monsters who lived only to separate humans by component parts; no matter how many I cut down, I couldn't stem the tide.

The effects of the Body Augmentations I'd equipped to my own body had long faded. The fetish charms of which I'd prepared so many, into which I'd stockpiled so much mana, had all been expended. My heightened eyesight, my improved cardiopulmonary functions and all the rest were now ragged and exhausted, barely at the level of an ordinary human. All that I had left to rely on now was my own flesh and bone, my own blood and guts: the body that I'd somehow managed to keep intact for these fourteen years.

That, and the lessons that had been carved into my heart by a needle of regret.

The Material Barrier that coated every inch of my skin had dwindled to its base parameters. A single solid hit would be enough to blow me to pieces, like a plate dropped on the floor. But I had a strange premonition that all this was only a prelude to what was waiting for me; to what would really make this the worst night of my life.

–

I sprinted through alleyways, drenched in muddy water, covered in unreclaimed garbage. Once, worshippers would take this road to reach Kanda Shrine. I tumbled down one of the narrow, steep sets of stone stairs that split off into innumerable branches. As I did so, I landed a flying kick on the behinds of the two men ahead of me. The uninvited guests.

“Ugh, we still not at the harbour? My heart's about to damn well burst, girl! I'm gonna drop dead right here!”

One of the men tilted his neck to look at me.

“You know damn well you aren't! If you're gonna live as long as you have, you should try to have the courtesy to scrape together a century or two's worth of wisdom! Or if you can't do that, at least just shut up and run!”

“Hey now, hey now! If I'm ever gonna put a sock in it, it'll be when I go meet the Buddha! You could cut my head off right now and my mouth would still be chatterin'!”

“Like hell it would, because I'd tie it shut myself! With a good metre or two of wire!”

How many dozens of times had he made some dumb immortality gag? It had gone beyond getting on my nerves. He knew better than anyone that he could be carved to pieces or shot full of holes, and it still wouldn't be enough to kill him. Although, for all that, he was in almost as sorry a state as I was right now.

Even in this day and age, when immortality was hardly a rarity, he was still making me listen to his nonsense. And what was he doing talking about meeting the Buddha anyway, when he was a Jew?

“Just shut up and keep moving!”

“...Understood.” The other man nodded. His partner skidded as he rounded a corner, almost toppling, and he reached out to grab his belt, righting him as naturally as if he were taking hold of a jib sheet.

“Once we reach the docks, they cannot best us.”

His wild black hair and unshaven beard carried the smell of the deep. It was something wholly unlike this town's artificial landscapes: the scent of real sea breezes and real shafts of sunlight, carved deep into his soul.

“Understood. I'm counting on you, Captain.”

His response was silence.

The starkness of the difference between himself and his companion still took me aback. Could it be that sailors simply disliked wasting words? I didn't think so. He likely just didn't trust me yet. In any case, though, I was glad that I had not made an enemy of this strong, silent man of the sea. Things could have easily have gone differently.

And besides, I couldn't deny that I had found something unexpectedly endearing in the twin grey flames burning beneath his chiselled brow.

–

Needless to say, the captain's dominion was the sea; on land, he could not fully exercise his power. That was why we were now making haste to the harbour.

I was only collateral damage to the monsters pursuing us. Their real target was my companions: the two men whose protection constituted my current job. One was a Heroic Spirit, who had come in answer to a summons: a Servant. The zenith of necromantic magic. The other was human; was human, for he had abandoned his humanity a long time ago.

Any denizen of this city would have told you that Servants are safe and harmless; but peaceful and happy though this thought may be, only they believed it. That was why people like me existed: to maintain the illusions of their everyday, by doing the work that anyone else would revile. The work of killing Servants with our own two hands.

–

She, too, had been one - someone I had been assigned to dispose of appropriately.

Her name had been Kundry. A pagan woman, gone mad with love. The lingering fragrance of her loathing, the vicious curse from an enemy I should have finished with, her terrifying, meticulous booby-trap had survived her death, and pursued us relentlessly even now. Those little sprites. They would chase us forever, gorging themselves on the mana that suffused this town.

I had expected that she might make her appearance mounted on horseback. I had not expected her to have any knowledge of summoning magic. Nothing to that effect had been mentioned in any of the documents I had scoured.

The creatures Kundry had called forth were little sprites called “gremlins”. Newcomers in the world of magecraft, and monsters for the modern era. They made their nests in machines and electrical appliances. Appropriate for this town, I thought.

Vermin who swarm around open ley-lines. Efficient, I suppose.

This wasn't the time to be marvelling. Aside from anything else, they had come close to chewing off one of my fingers not a few minutes ago – but this struggle too would end, if I could set these men to sea.

“Over there! Drop down to that waterway! The side street goes straight to the harbour!”

“Damn it, girl, a one-way street? Ain't my thing at all!” He didn't even bother trying to put on an air of urgency.

Water shone slick on the concrete of the side street. The tide was ebbing: an ideal time to set sail.

“Well, ain't that lucky, Reaper girl? Looks like you'll be able to give us the nice little sendoff you wanted after all!”

“Damn right I will. I won't be sorry to see the back of either of you.”

“The Reaper really don't pull her punches, huh! What was that earlier? “Looks like Hendrick has once more failed to take a wife”? “Maybe you'll hit the jackpot in another seven years”?” The talkative one cast a glance at his partner's back. The captain remained as taciturn as ever, but his shoulders seemed slumped just a little.

Seven years. Seven years' time. Two thousand, five hundred-odd days? I didn't know how it felt to immortals, but to me, seven years' time seemed unimaginably far away. It was a world hidden behind a pitch-black fog, with no guarantee that it would ever come at all.

“I'm, well...I'm sorry about that.”

“Ain't nothin', girl, I'll cheer him right back up again. Bit of a shame, though, I liked this town. It's noisy, and crazy, and it was ever-so-willin' to look the other way for us.”

“I see.” As long as you two remain here, there can be no guarantee of that. That's why this was always going to happen.

The sails of the yachts moored in the harbour began to come into view. I expelled an inadvertent sigh of relief. Careful now, Erice. You mustn't let your composure slip, not even for a moment. “Presence of mind”. Words my master taught me.

Maintaining one's composure did not mean denying one's emotions. It meant accepting them. Anger, bitterness, suffering, terror – welcoming each and every one as an old friend, turning none away. Without doing that, it would be impossible to take a step back and view oneself objectively. More than a few times, that principle had saved my life.

We arrived at the wharf, and were lucky enough to find ourselves an unsecured vessel. It was only a small boat, rowed by hand, and cramped enough that even just the two men climbing in would be enough to fill it.

“Are you absolutely sure you don't need anything bigger?”

“This will serve just fine”, the captain said. He had procured two oars from one of the other yachts. By no means did they look like sufficient preparation for setting sail to the open sea, but whatever the case, I was grateful that they at least hadn't wasted any time indulging in sentimentality.

I checked the boat meticulously for traps, before turning my attention to keeping watch on the surrounding area for our pursuers. It was midnight on the Kanda river, and the reflections of neon lights drifted lazily across the water's tranquil surface. The harbour was deserted, and the river was devoid of the silhouettes of waterborne buses. At least there was no need to worry about any civilians getting caught up in this.

“Looks like this is goodbye, huh? My dear little Reaper girl.”

They had already climbed into the boat. The talkative one began to gather up the mooring rope that I had carelessly tossed from where I watched on the jetty.

“Ya know, I wouldn't've minded killin' you, if it woulda meant I could bum around this town just a little longer.”

“...I know. You're leaving because the Captain wishes it. You don't have any concern for me, you're just respecting his desires. That's right, isn't it...Ahaseurus? You're the oldest man alive. The man who's lived longer than even Noah or Methuselah.”

He shook his head from side to side, laughing uproariously. Next to him, the captain struck one of the wooden pillars of the jetty, changing the boat's direction. Still refraining from joining the conversation, he took the oars in both hands, and began to row with powerful strokes.

“You overestimate me, girl. You're well aware, aintcha? That I'm not the only poor bastard who turned his back on the Lord, and wound up unable to die 'cos of it. Even nowadays, the world is full of monsters. And what about you, born in this Mosaic City, in this new world - can you really be so sure you're human? Whaddaya say to that, eh?”

The little boat left the jetty behind, slipping easily through the water, growing smaller and smaller. It was all I could do to hide my humiliation beneath a calm exterior, and offer him a parting gift.

“Ahaseutus! The Wandering Jew of legend! I pray that someday, you will find your place of rest!”

The immortal was now sprawled lazily in the bottom of the rowboat, waving back at me impudently. I wish I had more time to speak to you. I wanted to learn about the way you live. But he was sneering at me now. The same cruel smile, I felt sure, that he had once turned upon someone else, long ago.

“Oh, wake up, girl! There ain't a single place of rest in this whole damn world! Ain't nothin' but inferno, as far as the eye can see! God damn... I ain't got no mind to thank ya, especially not after everythin' you did to cut our stay short, but I hate naivety more than a third helping of bagels! How about one last bit of wisdom from an old man?”

The currents of the Kanda river had finally taken hold of the rowboat, and it rapidly receded from view as he shouted from the stern.

“Try and enjoy yourself a little! That's how you live a splendid life!”

How carefree he smiled. He had spouted nonsense to the end.

“...And how am I supposed to do that?”

It might have been valuable advice from a man with centuries' more experience than I, but it wasn't the kind of joke I wanted to hear. I knew no small number of people who had striven to enjoy their lives, and died all too soon for their trouble. What did pain or suffering matter, in the face of that? Above all else, I did not want to die.

–

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The gremlins had closed the distance, and now they had cornered us in this place.

A few seconds after my prophetic chill came the sound of claws scraping on asphalt. A thousand chittering shrieks. All at once they burst forth from the shadows of the harbour, and surged across the decks of the boats docked by the wharf.

“Not this again...!”

They had no eyes for me any more. They splashed across the surface of the water, racing after Ahaseutus and the captain. They might have been weak individually, but if a horde of this size reached their boat, it would sink in an instant. The situation sent a shiver of fear through me. I levelled my final trump card - my Arcane Bullet, Freischütz - at their vanguard, and barked a warning across the water.

“Captain!”

But before my shout had even reached him, he had pushed his oars onto Aheseutus, and now stood upright in the unstable little boat. I heard the rushing sound of him sucking in a great breath.

“Yooo-ho! Hoo-howay! Yooo-hoo-howay!”

He bellowed, as though awakening after a long silence. Or rather, he sang, in a mighty, booming voice that could only have been produced by his broad chest. A sailor's song. A sea shanty, of the kind true men of the ocean hummed under their breath.

And in that moment, I saw. Aheseutus' scrawny arm, thrust lazily upwards. The distinctive pattern on the back of his right hand, that for an instant flared dull red.

“We're setting sail, Hendrick. Looks like it's goodbye to dry land for a while.”

“Hee-sa!”

A order made by Command Seal, one of the crown jewels of magecraft. From Master, to Servant. And the captain responded instantly. His piecing whistle echoed throughout every corner of the harbour. Space began to warp, and a barrage of concentrated magecraft struck my cheek.

“Raise the anchor! Unfurl the sails! Set the lookout! Tonight we set to sea! Tonight we are bound for the sea of endless storms!”

The captain roared – and voices answered his call, from below the water's surface.

“Hee-ya!”

Vile laughter, now, like the creaking of bones. And voices that continued in song even so.

“Hah!” “Hah!” “Hah!” “Hah!”

“Where's yer bride, Cap'n!”

“Give us drink from the shore, Cap'n! Give us spirits, to put fire in our throats!”

“Hee-sa!” “Hee-sa!” “Hee-sa!”

Beneath the boat, a host of pale wisps swirled. From the gremlins who had been racing across the water to close in on the boat, not even flinching at the unveiling of the captain's magecraft, now arose a shriek of warning.

An edge of red cloth sliced upwards from within the water. It met with the gremlins about to reach the boat, cutting them quite literally in two. A crimson sail.

A black pillar now rose from the water, knocking the rowboat aside. As though they had been waiting for this moment, the pair abandoned their vessel to leap to it. The waters of the Kanda river boiled and churned, as an enormous hull slowly revealed itself.

A sailing ship. An oak-wrought galleon, of the kind that forged the path across the Atlantic Ocean during the Age of Discovery. A bowsprit that thrust forth threateningly from the prow. The gentle curve of a sturdy hull. A quarterdeck like a fortress, towering intimidatingly over all it surveyed. Three tall masts pierced deep into the night sky, and from them billowed sails coloured the red of blood.

The greatest Noble Phantasm of the Wandering Dutchman.

“So that's the wandering Dutch galleon, the Flying Dutchman! A ghost ship, cursed to drift eternally upon a stormy sea...”

I was bearing witness to the manifestation of a most unique kind of magecraft. My cheeks began to tingle. A shiver ran through me at the sight of the sails and the hull – blood-red and pitch-black, just as the legends claimed. A ghost ship cursed to share the fate of its captain, the Wandering Dutchman, never to rest or be granted relief.

The waves lapping at the jetty were getting higher now, and threatening to sweep me away, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the spectacle of the ship, and its manifestation amid a mighty corona of energy.

The gremlins who had evaded the attack from the sails tried to cling to the ship's hull, but the wisps on deck would not brook such a means of boarding their vessel. One by one they changed form into the spirits of sailors and descended to the deck, brandishing the cutlasses at their belts. It looked almost like a fairground attraction.

They, too, were bound by the curse of the Flying Dutchman. One more part of a terrifying Noble Phantasm. There was never any mercy to be found in their blades.

“Hah!” “Hah!” “Heeeee-sah!”

“Worthless scum! Ain't even worth turnin' the cannons on 'em!”

“Give us more blood, Cap'n!”

“Hee-sa!”

This battle was theirs. To watch the ease with which they overwhelmed the foe, one would never imagine how much we had struggled on land. Aheseutus watched from on high. It might have been the correct approach for a Master, but something about it grated on my nerves.

The final gremlin was dispatched with a blow from the captain's oar.

“Stow the chatter, my lads! Now, set a course for open sea!”

Once more, he gave the order to set sail, brandishing his oar towards the night horizon. Lightning flickered there, and there came a distant roll of thunder. It had been the same on the night of their arrival. Now the eternal storm waited for them once again.

The ghost ship forged onwards, wind swelling in its tautened sails. Its silhouette grew smaller, until it was lost in the darkness. All that remained on the deserted shoreline was the mournful echo of the pale spirits' song.

“Dalais, Nicht, Eijikeit...

Dalais, Nicht, Eijikeit...”

I hummed it to myself. I'd heard or seen that phrase somewhere before, in the classroom library.

“Dalais...Nicht...Eijikeit...”

“The Devil's curse lies on these sails...they shall not tear 'til Judgement Day...”

I could no longer see the figure of the captain. All that remained was a single slender silhouette reclining against the railing of the poop deck, never waving, simply staring back at the town's lights until it faded into the distance.

The storm passed, and silence returned to the harbour. I sighed in relief. Now that they had set sail, I could barely move. I was overcome by exhaustion, of course, to some degree. But more than anything else, I wanted to cast my mind back over these past few days, over the ways in which these two man had unapologetically pulled my heart to and fro, and commit them firmly to memory.

–

I let out another sigh, and then touched my fingertip to one of my forelocks. My magic circuits, set to refuse communications, once more return to open...and as if on schedule, a message came in. The familiarity of the voice immediately put me at ease.

“I presume your assignment has been completed?”

“Mm-hm.”

My master and I always contacted each other this way. Delicate vibrations were transmitted into my inner ear, and I perceived them as her voice. This was a method of communication with no need for electromagnetic waves, being derived from automatic transcription magecraft. The average citizen had no need for it, but this was one of our little tricks.

“This assignment's targets – the “Wandering Jew”, the immortal Aheseutus, and his Servant, the “Wandering Dutchman”, Captain Hendrick Van der Decken – have been successfully escorted from the Akihabara ward of Mosaic City.”

“If so, then it should be seven years at the earliest before we see them again?”

“I think so. I can't speak for anyone else, but it should be that way for them, at least. Aheseutus didn't appear to have contracted with any Servant other than Hendrick.”

The captain's ghost ship was an oddity among oddities.

Even among the various wards of Mosaic City, Akihabara – also known as the Maritime City – was, as its name implied, in notably close contact with the ocean. However, its topography did not make it defenceless. If anything, it was the reverse; it was protected by a stronger barrier than the other wards. And the Grail would not permit an act so barbaric as breaching the barrier and forcibly making port.

However, a powerful curse lay on the captain and his crew: they were forbidden for making landfall more than once every seven years. And by the same token, once every seven years, they could make port wherever they wished. If they had come to Akihabara with more aggressive intent, it would have been virtually beyond me to stand against them.

“Understood.”

I could tell from her breathing that she was satisfied. Now her confirmation checklist moved on to the crux of the matter.

“And what about Kundry?”

I bit back the response that immediately rose to my throat, and paused for a moment to steady my breathing.

“Dead. I confirmed the destruction of her Saint Graph myself.”

A brutal matter to discuss openly on the street. I once more cast a quick glance around the midnight harbour, but it remained unchanged, deserted as ever.

“But...I think there's a chance that some of her enchantments might be remaining somewhere. I'll investigate again soon.”

“Oh? So you're telling me that an autonomous-type Servant's enchantments still remain, even after the Servant themselves has disappeared?”

“That's right. And I've suffered for it, too.”

“What a unique case... This whole situation has turned out to be rather troublesome. I can lend my aid as far as scanning the city for unauthorised ley line access goes, but...”

“I don't think it'll show up on a scan. I don't know how, but she's managed to conceal it.”

“I see. In that case, it seems I will need you more than ever.”

“Perhaps so.”

My master responded to me with a deliberate silence, and I followed suit. I got the distinct sensation that we were feeling each other out. If we had been talking face to face, I somehow felt certain that she would have seen right through my nervousness. It was of course possible to equip a communication circuit with video functionality – in fact, it was possible to directly send input from all five senses – but I disliked being so open about my work. And in the first place, I didn't even have the mana remaining right now.

Anyway, it seemed that she had accepted my report, for the moment.

“Understood. You can tell me about the details in person, later.”

“I don't mind coming by tomorrow, if you want. I'll be coming to class anyway.”

“...I see. In that case, I'll hear what you have to say then.”

“Alright.”

“Your hard work is appreciated, as always. Goodnight, Erice.”

“Thanks.”

My master was unfailingly polite and courteous. Odd it may have been to wish someone who had never known a true night's sleep a good night, but it did not bother me. I was just on the cusp of a suitably witty retort when I was interrupted again.

“Oh, that's right. I ought to have mentioned, Erice.”

“Eh?”

“Karin was terribly angry earlier.”

“...Karin?”

“It couldn't have been more than half an hour ago. She was rather fierce about it. She was complaining that you were ignoring all of her text messages, and wondering if there was something wrong with the network. I had to explain to her that you were engaged with your work, and were likely blocking all communications.”

“...right. I'm sorry about that.”

“As am I.”

–

“As am I”...?

Blocking communications had been the correct call. My master had nothing to apologise for...did she?

“That Karin...”

I left the jetty from which I had watched the Flying Dutchman's departure. A forest of white sails passed me by as I cut across the harbour, and set out on the road home.

Something so distracting as idle chatter with Karin while I was working would have been fatal. I would be hanged before I would allow my concentration to be so disrupted in a battle with my life on the line. But in the end, I had still been careless. I had been elated, buoyed up by the success of a job well done.

To the edge of the wharf. Into a break in the yacht harbour. Past rows upon rows of warehouses, at the top of the stairs that led to the overhead roadway – she was there.

The tail of her habit fluttered in the sea breeze. Once hidden beneath her veil, her hair now danced proud and wild.

“Pray tell me – how do you feel, in this moment?”

She asked with painstaking courtesy, her voice dripping with merciless contempt.

“Boor that you are, to steal away my love, and think to strike me down. And in the end you did not even finish me, but left me by the roadside. For indeed, you had every chance to kill me, but in your arrogance you pitied me instead. I can only imagine the self-satisfaction you must feel.”

Kundry, the pagan. Her hair was ebony, and her skin was walnut. The lids of her rich, dark eyes were lowered, as though she were half asleep. Powerful awakening magic resided within her captivating lips. Her face proudly showed her Mediterranean heritage, and it was near-flawless in its beauty...or so it seemed to me, at least. Provided I could pinch my nose to the stench of the machinations writhing in her guts.

Her clothing was stitched with horsehair, said to be worn by those who wished for atonement, and it had become torn and ragged in our battle. Here and there, her skin now lay unashamedly bared to the world. At our first encounter I had thought her a virtuous woman of the cloth, but the scandalous costume she now wore would have drawn stares even on the night of Halloween. Although what was more, the one who had damaged her so beyond repair had been me.

“Ahh...You. I believe you named yourself Erice? Nay, I misspeak. “The Reaper” was your name, was it not?”

“Kundry...”, I whispered. She was a woman beyond my help.

I had used a trap I had laid to deprive her of her mount, before engaging her in a vicious melee and damaging her heavily – or so I had thought, but it seemed that she hadn't been as immobilised as I had believed. I would have to revise my assessment of the Rider class's base stats.

I called out to her, in as simple terms as possible, trying to make her understand.

“Are you listening, Kundry? I'm repeating myself here, I don't know how many times this makes it, but all I ever did was encourage Ahesh and the captain to prioritise evacuating the city. I did not steal your lover.”

She remained silent for a long moment. Her eyes stared down at me, boring into me, not moving a millimetre. I was fully aware that she was not an opponent I could negotiate with – but more than anything else, in my current situation, I wanted time to observe her. There was something more here - something that lay behind how she had maintain control over so many gremlins even after losing consciousness, behind the ease with which she had appeared before me now - and I wanted to know it.

I knew I was outmatched. Should I request aid from my master through my magic circuits? Unthinkable. This was my whirlwind to reap. But even so, I couldn't see my decision to spare Kundry the finishing blow as a mistake. There was no doubt that leaving her unchecked would have been catastrophic for this town – but only if Aheseurus and the captain had stayed. At the end of the day, Kundry too was an outsider, and she had only appeared here in their pursuit.

“I'll tell you once more, Kundry. Leave this town. Your wounds are too deep to heal if you don't. You'll be destroyed, and I'm sure you don't want that.

“I too repeat myself. Return my love.”

“”My love”...?” I was surprised. So blinded was she in her pursuit, that she had followed us here without realising even that simple truth.

“You're too late, Kundry. Your love has already set sail, and unfortunately, all the monsters you set in wait for us have been destroyed. Continuing your chase any more would be pointless.”

Their departure I was sure about. The destruction of her traps, I was not. But whatever the case, all I wanted was to persuade her to give up.

“My love has...left me behind...? Aahhhh....”

A wail of grief arose from her throat as she bent over double. From between two hands tearing at her hair, her burning gaze pierced into me.

“I will take my vengeance! The hammer of retribution will fall upon you!”

She had firmly grasped the wrong end of the stick, and she wasn’t letting go. The flames of jealousy burned bright within her. Was putting an end to this my only option?

“You would be a fool to try. You can't win against me, Kundry.”

“Do you truly think so? I still retain my Saint Graph, Reaper. As you can see.”

She tilted her neck exaggeratedly, as she advanced down the stairs, one step at a time.

“What makes you so certain that it is not you who is the weaker of us? Already, your mana has dwindled such that you did not notice my approach. The battle with my gremlins has expended your talismans and gemstones to the last. Is that not so?”

I kept my silence.

“You are naught but a girl, not even come of age. For your courage in taking up the night watch in this fortress, and for the heavy responsibilities you bear, I admit my admiration. However...” A tatter of her habit tangled around her leg, and she dispassionately tore it away. “In the end, you are a human – and I am a Servant.”

“I know.”

If this mad queen had some awareness of her nature as an autonomous Servant, then there was only one more step left.

“That's why, Kundry. That's why Akihabara will never accept your existence. That's why, no matter where you go in Mosaic City, you will be rejected as an outsider. I installed a classification tag into your Saint Graph. Your supply of mana from the town in order to sustain yourself will be closed to you. Not only that – just by your existing in this place, the tag will pollute your Saint Graph, poisoning you from the inside out.”

There was hardly any need for me to give her the warning. Just trying to absorb mana through the act of breathing should already be wracking her body with pain. But she seemed to be interpreting it instead as the agony of parting, as suffering that proved her bond with her beloved.

Kundry furrowed her eyebrows resentfully. She shouldn't have been able to manage more than standing still while still maintaining her corporeal form. And conversely, my strength was recovering by the second.

“My talismans and gemstones might have protected me, but that wasn't their true purpose.”

“Know that whatever nonsense you are speaking, it does not sway my heart.”

“I suppose it wouldn't.”

Kundry, you learned that this place would become a battlefield, and used Akihabara for your own ends. But you must have neglected to thoroughly investigate the Reaper who lurks in the shadows of this town. The moment you learn the reason I bear this name will be the moment in which you are destroyed.

But even so -

“I do not want you to disappear here, Kundry.”

Her face twisted in incredulity.

You are a Servant. A being summoned by some unknown party - a magus of high rank, most likely. A wandering fragment of myth, fitted with a thaumaturgical perpetual motion machine of the second kind. If left alone, you will eventually fall to sustaining yourself with the life energy of the common people. You are a clear threat to this city.

“It would be such a waste...”

But it was nothing short of a miracle, I thought. That a Servant had fallen in love with another Servant. This was no destiny assigned by the Grail. It was an impossibility, one that would not come around twice. Kundry's lover had been the Holy Knight of the Swan – someone all too different from the wild captain of the Flying Dutchman.

“You fell in love with the captain, didn't you? You came to this town in pursuit of him, knowing all the while that your love was impermissible. How many decades did it take you, Kundry? How many centuries?”

I advanced towards her, slowly, deliberately, one step at a time.

“You aren't a Servant, Kundry. You aren't some spectre of the past. You're a human, living in the present. A human being.”

The story she was living now was something entirely new, untouched by any human eye. She had slipped the yoke of the Grail.

“I kill Servants who violate the rules of this town...of the Grail. That's my job. I can't lend you my aid.”

“And so you'll let me go? At your convenience? My, my... Such kind consideration...”

She descended into feeble, self-deprecating laughter, her posture slumping. Her face was pale and drawn, sickly from loss of blood.

“Kundry, you have to leave this town. You can still make it in time, if you take the train. The last one hasn't left the station!”

Cut off from her means of replenishing her mana, she likely had less than an hour. And if my master learned of the truth of her survival, all would be lost. There was no chance whatsoever that she would overlook my transgression.

“Will his ship...return someday?”

She put the question to me, her hostility faltering. Her voice was hoarse as an old woman's, but it carries the innocent words of a lovestruck young girl.

“I cannot say.”

I didn't have any answer to give her. Although at the very least, I knew that they had shown no such intention during their stay here.

Their curse was “to wander eternally”. Working from the definition, it was unlikely that they could return to any city where they had already made landfall. After all, travelling back and forth periodically between two cities could hardly be considered “wandering”. Even if they did visit the same land twice, it would only be after the name of the city had changed, and its people and the age it had existed in had moved on, that they would be permitted to dock.

What was more, Kundry too was deathless, a creature of legend fated to wander eternal; but the form her curse took was different from that of the Dutch captain or the Wandering Jew. It was from world to world that she wandered, reincarnating over and over, yet retaining her memories. Once, she had been a witch; once, the consort of King Herod II. It was even said that she was once a Valkyrie, one of the daughters of the Allfather Odin. It was her fate to serve men of strength in every life, only to be used as a tool and cast aside – and that fate would never end, until she was at last united with her true love, and granted the salvation of death.

Now she had been summoned again as a Servant, and was being used once more by another. Ordinarily, her memories of her different summonings would be reset, but the effects of her unique circumstances extended even here. The hell she was living differed from Aheseurus's in form, but that made it no less tragic.

“But...”

There was only one thread of hope I could give to this woman, struggling beneath the enormous weight of her past.

“I am sure that you will meet them again. It all turns on you. No-one knows what will come...I am sure that your future can be changed.” I drew level with her now. She was close enough that I could reach out and touch her.

But in the end, my cheap words and my naive heart were not enough to move her. I was answered with an unwavering gaze, and steely rejection.

“You lie.” She shook her head, distraught.“What makes you think I will permit such self-centred, ill-mannered applause – on my stage? What would you know of my despair?”

She had seen right through me. The desperation that had seeped my words – words that would certainly have violated the rules of Mosaic City – was plain as day to her.

“The future can be changed? My future? Well then, come, Reaper – come and kill me, if you can!”

“I'm sorry...Kundry...”

The legends told: that Kundry, the pagan woman, would never tell a lie. However, nor would she ever serve the cause of good.

She brandished her hand high above her head. In her palm, mana began to gather, and crystallise into the form of something straight and long: a spear. A long-handled soldier's spear, in the fashion of the ancient Roman empire.

“That spear...that spear is-”

I was reflexively diving away before I could even complete my mumbled sentence. This was a Noble Phantasm! The Holy Spear – Longinus!

Once more, I had been careless. Her Noble Phantasm had been neither her mount, nor her lips of awakening. It had not even crossed my mind that she might possess this spear, both blessed and cursed.

With the spear held aloft, the mad queen arched her body backwards like a whip, never once taking her eyes from my fleeing figure – and threw.

The attack closed on me faster than the speed of sound. I activated a single-action incantation. All I could manage was to instantaneously fire a sure-hit arcane bullet into the spear's path, deflecting it a little from its arc straight to my heart.

The blow skewered me deep, sending me flying sideways out across the harbour, bouncing across the surface of the Kanda river. The spray from the impact splashed high, reflecting the neon illumination of the town like tacky fairy lights.

“...Porca...miseria...”

The last effort I could muster went into that curse, and then I sank towards the riverbed.

I saw a dream. A dream of a tiny pain.

When I lost my parents, I was placed in the care of my grandmother, who was my only living relative. She lived in an old-fashioned wooden house on the outskirts of Shinjuku. As a child I never showed my emotions outwardly, and did very little to endear me to my grandmother, who must have struggled to know what to do with me.

One afternoon, she laid out newspaper in one corner of the narrow garden, and cut my hair. I sat in the chair, letting her do as she wished. I was not yet old enough for my feet to have touched the ground.

My grandmother's hands were far from deft. The toothed tip of the pair of thinning scissors she was using brushed against the top of my left ear, the metal cool on my skin - and with a snip, cut it along with my hair.

It hurt, of course, but I let nothing show. I had simply accepted it for what it was.

In the end my grandmother realised her carelessness, and her mistake, only when she noticed the thin rivulet of blood trickling down my neck as she was finishing her work. She stared at me, lost for words, with an expression so deeply grieved that the world might as well have ended.

For a long time after that, she was silent. She treated my wound, and then she spoke. “If it hurts, Erice, you have to tell me it hurts.”

I nodded mechanically. She managed a feeble smile, although she still looked as though she were about to cry.

I still have the scar from that day on my ear. A scar like the mark left on a train ticket by the ticket punch.

I awakened from my momentary dream.

A heavy, cold pain lanced pierced through my abdomen. The moment I became aware of the irregularity, a burning numbness spread throughout my body. It had been a magnificent blow. Although I should have expected as much from the spearwork of Valhalla.

I knew this was real – that I was submerged, sinking to the bottom of the Kanda River – and yet it felt strangely like a dream. Perhaps I was numbing my own senses, in order to spare myself unnecessary suffering.

–

I was running my recovery systems at full power, but they still couldn't keep pace. The mental processing power required for self-analysis, and the underwater respiration functionality I had loaded in case of emergencies, would only last a few more seconds at best. Through my wavering vision, I watched the edges of the lance skewering my stomach begin to blur and lose cohesion, coming undone from the outside in.

So this spear...was a projection... It wasn't a genuine...Noble Phantasm...

It had been a counterfeit, reproduced by the hand of someone other than its rightful owner.

That would...make sense... If it had been...the true Holy Spear...an arcane bullet couldn't have...

But still, there was something in its framework that came extraordinarily close to the genuine article, forged with incredible precision. My lips curled into a self-deprecating smile, at the absurdity of my lapse in judgement and the situation I had been placed in.

The projection's creator showed no sign of coming to retrieve her spear, or any intention of making sure of the death of her foe. She must have found the satisfaction she sought, believing her vengeance complete. Now, she should no longer have any reason to remain in this town. I prayed that she managed to escape Akihabara before her Saint Graph disappeared in totality...although I reserved the right to register a complaint or two with her, should we ever meet again face-to-face.

–

I had lost all sense of up or down, but it seemed I must have been sinking face-up. The colours of reflected neon coalesced before my eyes on the water's surface, spreading out in front of me like a sky filled with stars.

It's...so beautiful...

My vision began to dim, and the spectacle before me felt as though it was receding into the distance. The darkness drew me silently under. My life slipped out from between my lips, in little bubbles that rose into the sky.

–

And then, I met with my fate.

–

First to come was the music. A lone piano, a woodwind ensemble, a vocal chorus; even, somewhere, the whimsical tones of an electric guitar. Melodies played by a multitude of instruments faded in and then out again, one after the other.

It wasn't a real orchestra. It was unmistakably being played back - and its recording quality was hardly the best, at that. It would have been extremely low-fidelity, even if I hadn't been underwater.

And then, suddenly, I noticed. That beyond where my eyes' drifting focuses met, a tiny, pale blue light was flitting back and forth, as though frolicking among the bubbles rising through the water. It swam gleeful and free.

What...is that?

Next to enter my ears came the words, although they were in languages unknown to me. But all of them were short, like words of greeting. Some of them even seemed as though I had heard them somewhere before.

My consciousness dimmed once more, and I blinked, long and slow – and then he was there. A child of gold.

A young boy floated before me, phosphorescence dancing across his golden hair.

His form was all too unreal, but somehow, it seemed reassuringly familiar to me.

...A...a Servant...?

I could easily have told myself it was just an illusion, shown to me by my dimming consciousness. A hallucination brought forth by my oxygen-starved brain, as its suffering reached saturation point. But still, somehow, an inexplicable expectation filled my breast, swirling, warming me from within.

His mouth opened.

“I...ask...you...”

He spoke, in halting English. He was calling out to someone – to me, directly.

“Are...you...worthy...of...being...my...Master...?”

I had no way of understanding what was happening. All I knew for certain was that on this night, my war had begun. That a Holy Grail War had begun. And that single truth overtook anything and everything else, to strike deep into my chest.

I stretched out towards him, reaching with fingers that had lost all feeling.

And in the next moment – my arm was grasped by sturdy claws, and I was dragged up once more to the world above the surface.

–

Several minutes later, I was laid flat on the concrete of the wharf, desperately hacking up water. The hand of someone drawing up close to me gently patted my back.

“Hey, you awake? You're awake, right?”

The girl who had been nursing me now leaned over to peer directly into my face – and then yelled mercilessly, directly into my ear.

“OY, OLD MAN ERI! AWAKE IN THERE, YA ROTTEN SACK OF STUPID? THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYIN' AT, HUH? YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY ASS FROM HERE TO NEXT WEEK!”

It was her. The girl my master had talked to me about, and one of my very few friends.

“Oh, it's just you, Karin.”

My mood had taken a sudden turn for the worse. The inside of my nose was beginning to sting.

“Blegh. ...Hang on...Karin, don't tell me...artificial respiration?”

“LIKE HELL I DID, YA DUMBASS!”

“I'm telling you, keep it down.”

“Ah, yeah, nope. Not gonna lie, I thought about it for a bit. But Momi was sayin' you'd be fine, so...”

That would explain it.

“So you were the one...who helped me, Kouyou. ...Thank you.”

The hulking form next to Karin rustled a little, in place of a response. The visage of this creature who had fished me from the water was a clear oddity, even by the standards of Mosaic City. She resembled nothing so much as a black dinosaur, with great horns growing from her head. This was the Servant who called Karin Master: the Berserker, the Ogress Kouyou. Karin had nicknamed her Momi, short for Momiji – another reading of Kouyou, “autumn leaves”.

Even knowing her true name, I still struggled to reconcile it with her appearance. But by no means did I mean to denigrate her worth by saying that.

“Hold on a-! I'm right here, y'know! The girl who told Momi to dive in and save your sorry ass! So, you're rewardin' me for my efforts, right? You're treatin' me to takoyaki, right...?”

“No idea what you think I'd do that for. Although I'll gladly treat Kouyou to as much as she wants.”

“Wha-!”

Karin's mouth kept running, and it showed no signs of stopping any time soon. I rolled over exasperatedly and made to pick myself up, but was pushed back down decisively by Kouyou. No moving yet. You would never think her arms ended in such wicked claws, so gentle was her touch – but even so, it was firm enough so as to permit no disagreement.

I tried to twist my body around as I lay sideways, and a wave of agony crashed through my midriff. I winced, almost passing out.

It shouldn't have surprised me. After all, I had been skewered through by a spear up until a few scant minutes ago. The weapon itself might have vanished now, but it had left its mark clearly on my flank.

“C'mon, just rest for a bit. Listen to Momi. Where do you think you're going, anyway, with a hole in your guts you could drive a bus through? Don't you realise that if it weren't for Momi's healing you'd be dead by now?”

“...Ugh...I guess so...”

Heat blossomed steadily throughout my abdomen as my metabolism began to accelerate. Even though Kouyou was a Berserker, she was oddly well-versed in the healing arts. I placed a great deal of trust in her capabilities – her Master notwithstanding. This was not the first time I had unexpectedly found myself having to make use of her power, or even the second.

“She's incredible, isn't she? Kouyou, I mean. I don't know why I'm even surprised any more.”

“Well, maybe you'd be a bit more surprised if she wasn't having to patch you up all the time, dumbass! And how many times did I tell you, anyway? That you should call on me to help you for big jobs?”

Karin paused in her tirade to heave an exaggerated sigh.

“Well...in the end, I guess you're just lucky to be alive, huh.”

“...You're telling me.”

I managed to catch a glimpse of the pattern of the Command Seal glowing on the back of Karin's right hand. Normally it would be transparent, indistinguishable from her bare skin, but now, thanks to her use of healing magecraft, it was awakened. The majority of its strokes had been expended. It looked like it would take a few days to recover.

Ah...

Only now did I realise that spread out beneath me lay Karin's shirt. It was soaked through, and wet with blood, although the bloodstain was smaller than I would have thought. My wound was still agonising, but the flow of blood had stemmed, and it had already acquired a thin covering of granulation tissue.

“Karin...this is...”

“Don't worry about it.” Karin produced an antibacterial patch from the pouch she carried, and gave a little smile. I must have been more fragile than I had thought, to have been on the point of showing her a moment of weakness.

–

Kouyou, still as silent as ever, was keeping watch even as she applied her healing magecraft – although no matter how much time passed, all remained quiet on the wharf. Kundry had disappeared, and left this town, or so my intuition told me. But even so, unanswered questions remained. They stayed lodged in my memory, as items requiring urgent investigation.

I quickly turned to Karin. “How did you know where I was?”, I asked.

“Ain't it obvious? I had to wring it out of your 'master'. On account of a certain somebody not picking up their phone. Got anything to say about that, eh? Hmm?”

Karin prodded one of my forelocks, an exasperated expression on her face.

“Hmm. So that's why.”

So that was the story behind my master's oddly pointed final line. She had decided that it was prudent to send Karin to the scene to lend me her help. Which ultimately meant that I was not yet strong enough to be worth of her unreserved trust.

And I suppose she wasn't wrong, either...

I grit my teeth in frustration. Still lying sprawled, I covered my eyes with my arm. Just how long would it take, before she would acknowledge me as worthy? How long would it have to be before she would assign me work outside of Akihabara?

This time it was Karin's turn to ask me a question, as I lay despondent.

“Hey, by the way, Eri-pie? Just wondering, but...”

I turned my neck to peer in the direction she was pointing, behind Kouyou.

“Who's the shrimp? Someone's kid or something? He's a Servant, right?”

“...What?” I started.

My premonition earlier this night had not been mistaken after all.

–

That boy was there.

His ethereal radiance was nowhere to be seen, and now he was just as sodden as I was. As I watched, he approached Kouyou's tail, brimming with curiosity – and then came too close and was smacked away. He was rolled first one way, then the other, like a kitten playing with its mother's tail.

“Hang on, Eri, don't tell me...he's not anything to do with your work, right?”

Karin probed me, hesitantly. I knew well that Servants should not be judged by their appearances. But even so...

“What're you gonna do? You're not gonna kill him, are you? You're really gonna kill him?”

“Uh...” I was at a loss as to how to answer her. “I honestly don't know. I've only just met him.”

What class was he? Where did he live? Who was his Master? The questions came thick and fast, and the only answer I could offer was a vague shake of my head.

“Huh? So you're telling me he's some sort of stray Servant?”

“I...I suppose he must be.”

I had finally regained enough strength to sit upright, and I looked down.

The back of my hand remained devoid of Command Seals. Just as it had always been, ever since the day I was born.

#fate/requiem #translation #light novel

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searchin-for-an-urchin · 6 years

Text

Like a Punch in the Gut Aaron Burr x Reader Chapter 10

Forever Tag @fangirlandnerd

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12

Masterlist

The conversation between you and Nathaniel ended with the two of you exchanging contact information. You admitted that you weren’t sure if you were ready for him to be a part of Charlotte’s life and he agreed. The two of you would think on it for a few days. After you and Aaron had left the restaurant, you finally felt like you could breathe a bit more. Trying to process everything that had just happened, you remained silent for a few blocks. Subconsciously along the way you start giggling. The two of you pause in your tracks as your giggles turn into full out laughter. You notice Aaron’s eyebrow cocked as he observes your laughter, and you try to control your laughs a little more.

“I’m sorry,” you say in between the subsiding giggles, “I really don’t know how to process what just happened.” When your eyes catch his again you see him looking as if he’s trying not to laugh either.

“I’ll admit that’s not a part of the date that I planned.” When you can catch your breath, you feel a bit relieved. “Shall we head on to the next destination?” You tilt your head to the side with a smirk on your face and retort,

“You sure you can handle all the random parts of my past popping up?” Aaron answers your question with a genuine smile.

“I absolutely insist learning more about you, Y/N.”

Hand in hand, the two of you walk off to the next place; an arcade. You think to yourself that this isn’t like the arcades you and John grew up with, oh no. This was an arcade full of video games, large crane machines, and prizes on prizes. Aaron saw the look of your amazed face and laughed. Tugging your hand slightly to follow him he walked up to the customer service counter and asked to speak to the owner. After taking his name, the employee went into the presumed office space and requested the presence of the owner, a man in his 50’s, who greeted Aaron with a handshake and a hug. Aaron greeted back with the same energy and then introduced you as his date. The man, Greg, as he said to call him, did a double take when he heard your name.

“Wait,” he questions, shaking your hand, “Y/N as in the mother of the girl who decked Theodosia?” With a forced chuckle from both you and Aaron, you confirm that yes, you are Charlotte’s mother.

“Good!” Greg exclaimed. “I’m glad the two of you finally got to go on a date.” Aaron’s arm reaches around you and settles on your hip as Greg continues to talk, very clearly trying to embarass him.

“How do you two know each other?” You ask Greg.

“Oh, Aaron was my lawyer years ago when a rival arcade tried to sue me. They were trying to blame me for the way my crane machines were manufactured, saying they were rigged to be successful, which is why everyone came to my place.”

“It was my first solo case,” Aaron chimes in, as you look in astonishment in his direction.

“His first win, too,” Greg says with a laugh. “Mr. Burr here has been my go to for legal advice since. Here,” he pauses, grabbing a card from his back pocket. “Go play, have fun, on the house. Just make sure to stop by before you leave.”

You and Aaron thank Greg profusely, with both of you saying it wasn’t necessary, but he just waves you off, leaving the two of you to decide where to start. Since the cranes were the both of you attempt to grab a Pokemon plush for the girls. Twenty credits later, you have a Squirtle and a Charmander plush sticking out of your crossbody purse that you now are grateful you brought. Moving on from the cranes, the video games catch your eye next. After kicking his butt multiple times on the motorcycle racing game (“This isn’t fair, you actually learned how to drive, you didn’t grow up in New York!”), and having your own handed to you on the Tekken Tag game, (“Oh-ho-ho, vengeance is mine, dear Y/N!”), the two of you wander over to some goofier games, like the hopscotch game.

You fail pretty spectacularly on your first attempt. Glancing over at Aaron you notice that he’s laughing in your direction, trying to keep it hidden under his hand.

“What?” you say, with a grin on your face. “Hopscotch wasn’t really my favorite game growing up. John never played it with me!” You turn your attention back to the screen where a measly “15” was displaying. Aaron comes up on your left, places a quick peck on your cheek and scooches you out of the way. Feeling a little starstruck because of the kiss, you barely register your date taunting,

“Excuses, excuses. Let me show you how it’s done.” Aaron hits the 101 hops jackpot in less than a minute and a half, leaving you speechless, even without the kiss on the cheek. Watching the tickets pour out, you sputter,

“Are you kidding me?!”

“And that, my dear, is how it’s done.” For the next hour you spend competing with each other in the basketball game, skeeball, whack-a-mole, even a jump rope game, and compile a large pile of tickets. Realizing you don’t really need to spend all the tickets, you each pick out a small prize. Aaron chooses a fun pen that he swears he’ll use at work, and you a desktop sized dinosaur that sings “Dynamite” to annoy John, Peggy, and Lauren at work every once in a while (more like every dang day). You decide to leave the tickets for the next kid coming in to enjoy.

Greg wishes both of you a goodnight as the two of you leave the arcade. Noticing how barren the streets were you glance at your phone for the first this evening and realize how long you went without thinking about the restaurant or how Peggy and John were doing with Charlie.

“What time did you need to pick up Theo?” You ask, grabbing his hand, intertwining your fingers. Aaron squeezes your hand and answers,

“She’s spending the night with the Hamiltons. I couldn’t plan for how long we would spend in the arcade, and Theo was overdue for a sleepover with Pip and Angie anyway.” After a few moments, he questions, “What do you think Charlotte and her aunt and uncle are up to?” You snort at the image that comes to mind.

“Well. If I know John, he’s probably asleep while Peggy and Charlie are painting his nails for the fun of it. They’ll probably watch the Spongebob movie at least one more time and fall asleep during the credits.” Aaron lets out a whistle and responds with an astonished voice,

“That’s really specific, Y/N.”

“Well, before Lauren came to the restaurant, there weren’t too many people I trusted to run my kitchen so I worked a lot of evenings where John or Peggy would watch Charlotte.”

“It’s hard being a single parent,” your date mentions.

“I imagine it’s a bit harder being a widowed single parent, Aaron,” you remind him. He just hums in agreement, and then adds,

“It was hard for both of us. Theodosia Sr. was killed in a car crash when Theo was 5. She couldn’t quite understand why her mom wasn’t coming home, or why her mom looked like she was sleeping. I wasn’t prepared to teach her about death that way, you know?” Aaron asks the hypothetical question, slowing down the walk just a tad, and you squeeze his hand to show that you understand.

“I don’t think she ever really got to mourn. Her memories from her mom are so few and far between that it almosts hurts for her to remember. It’s also why I haven’t really dated since. In fact,” he admits, stopping in his stride and turning to face you, “It took me until Charlotte punched Theo in the face to even talk to you.”

“Wait, what?” You say, incredulously, a smile and a blush gracing your face.

“Yeah, I noticed you at one of the open houses for the school and just never had the nerve to start up a conversation. I’m really surprised Theo hasn’t told you,” he explains, watching your face and starting to smile himself. “I kept asking her to make friends with Charlotte, and she just kept saying no.”

“Look where they are now,” you interject, with a giggle escaping your smile.

“Yeah. Look where we are, too.” The two of you continue back to your apartment as the conversation dwindles slightly. A weight on your shoulders is suggesting that you talk about Nathaniel, even though you weren’t sure what you were going to do. I mean, the guy had to decide if he even wanted to meet Charlotte, let alone be a part of her life.

“Hey, Aaron?”

“Yes?” He hums in response.

“I would like to tell you about Nathaniel, but I’m a bit unsure if I should.” You can feel his thumb running over the back of your hand in order to soothe you.

“Y/N, you’re welcome to share anything with me, but you don’t have to, especially if you would like to wait. I would like to be around as long as you’ll have me,” he assures you, as he pulls the hand he’s holding up to his lips. He places a gentle kiss on the back of your hand and you can’t help but lean into him.

“For someone who hasn’t dated in years, you sure know how to sweet-talk a girl,” you stammer out, trying to tease him, but being a little more affected than you want to admit because all of a sudden you find yourself tilting your head up towards his face and he’s tilting his head down towards you, and as your eyes are fluttering closed you hear him joke back in a similar manner,

“I’ve had some practice in the mirror.” Before you can react to the cheesy line that didn’t seem so cheesy you feel his breath on your lips and then your lips connect.

It was the best kiss you’ve had. Ever. While it was a little bit awkward and fumbly, you liked the way he felt. Soft enough for comfort, but firm that you were able to sink into him no problem. Breaking only slightly to regain air, your arms wrap around his neck and he catches you stumbling into his arms (which you swear was involuntary). Each kiss grew more sure and a little more coordinated, and each kiss brought you deeper into his arms.

*********************************************************************

You walk the rest of the way home hand in hand. Kisses are shared every few minutes and quite a few are given on the elevator ride up to your floor. After you’ve successfully unlocked your door and shared a goodnight kiss, you find yourself taking another deep breath before walking further into your home. Before you can even sneak into the living room, you hear Peggy’s steps towards you, pulling you into your bedroom.

“John actually stayed awake long enough to carry Charlie to bed, then he came back and crashed on the couch,” your best friend huffs out, rolling her eyes, before landing on your bed, taking you with her. “So, tell me everything!”

You jokingly scold her for her curiosity and begin to recount the events of the night.

“You ran into who?!” Peggy incredulously inquires when you get to the part at the end of your dinner.

“I ran into Nathaniel, Charlotte’s dad.”

“I thought you didn’t remember him?”

“I didn’t,” you insist, “Until I saw him again. NYC is a large place, Peggy.” With a grimace, “He deserved to know that he has a daughter, too.”

“Poor Aaron,” Peggy chuckles, “All he wanted was a date and he got an estranged father.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. Aaron was such a good guy and you were still in shock with the way Nathaniel showed back up in your life, but you decided you’ll tell Aaron about him later. After giggling and gushing about the rest of the date, you and Peggy fall asleep leaving your daughter in her room and John on the couch. It was a late night afterall. And while the evening had some gut-wrenching moments, the butterflies in your stomach are fluttering around peacefully.

#Chapter 10 #Aaron Burr x reader #Like a...#Hamilton fanfiction #Aaron Burr

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ivannequished · 3 years

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INKED - Chapter 3

Eight months after their first date, Luhan and Luna had gone on countless dates. They’re exclusively dating. They obviously like each other and neither makes an effort to hide that from the other.

“You love him, don’t you?” Zane pressed Luna for an answer. They are having their girl’s night out at Luna’s apartment this time.

Luna only nodded.

“So, what’s stopping you from making it official?” Zane asked.

“Is the feeling not mutual?” Anya asked with a raised voice.

Zane elbowed Anya. “Have you not seen the boy? Luhan is whipped for our girl here. He looks at you like you’re the moon or maybe even universe. And he doesn’t even know that you’re the moon.” Zane made a reference to Luna’s name.

Luna couldn’t help but smile at that.

Luhan has met her friends a few months back. Her friends have been complaining that Luhan has been hogging Luna all for himself and they rarely see her. They fell in love with Luhan on their first meeting and have given their vote of confidence to be his boyfriend. ‘Luna, you hit the jackpot with that one,’ Anya once exclaimed.

“You’ve been dating each other for eight months. You never took that long before.”

“I guess I’m scared. This whole thing with Luhan isn’t the same as the others before. I’m scared I’ll lose him to fate.”

“And this is why I kept telling you to find your soulmate.” Zane let out a sigh of annoyance.

Anya threw a pillow at Zane. “You idiot! Our girl right here is in way too deep with Luhan and that’s what you tell her.”

Luna laughed, grateful that Anya understands the unspoken words.

Luna is in love with Luhan. There was no point in denying that. What she felt for Luhan was different and she knows it. Her past relationships were like thunderstorms. It was a love that leaves only wreckage behind. Luhan was the calm she never knew she needed. It wasn’t the earth shattering, gravity defying love. It was peaceful, the type that lulls you to sleep, a love that makes her feel safe. A love that feels like home. With Luhan, she felt like she can stop being strong all the time because she knows he would be there to hold her. With Luhan, she willingly broke all the walls she built all her life to let him in safely in her heart. And that’s what scares her. What if Luhan wasn’t in for the long haul? What if Luhan doesn’t feel as strongly for her as she does for him? What if one day Luhan decides to leave her and find his soulmate, just like all the others before him? It never scared her before. It was all part of playing against fate. But Luhan is so much more than fate that sometimes Luna can’t help but wish Luhan was her soulmate.

That night the three cramped themselves into Luna’s bed. While her two friends sleep peacefully beside her, Luna’s mind darts back to that one night she spent in Luhan’s apartment.

“Why do you not believe in fate?” Luhan asked out of nowhere.

Luna looked at Luhan’s brown eyes and saw how curious he is. She debated whether to answer or to just change the topic but settled for the former.

“Because fate doesn’t mean a happy ever after. Because you might be soulmates but still not end up spending the rest of your lives together. Because being soulmates doesn’t mean you would love that person forever. Because fate does not guarantee you wouldn’t get hurt. Fuck it, fate might actually be the reason why you get hurt so badly.”

Luna did not realize she has balled her hands into a fist until Luhan reached for her hand.

“I’ve seen it firsthand. I’ve seen how badly fate can hurt people. My parents are soulmates, but they divorced. My mom stayed with my dad for a very long time, believing fate would work its magic and make them okay again. My mom had to go through so much because she was holding on to a marriage for me, for a soulmate who is no longer in love with her. My dad cheated on my mom couple of times, but my mom thought my dad would always come back to his senses, to her, since they’re soulmates. Fate failed her though.” Luna laughed bitterly.

“Sorry you had to go through that.” Luhan was still holding her hand, massaging it gently.

“I guess I just wanted to be loved for who I am. I want someone to fall in love with me as I am and not because I’m his soulmate. I want someone to love me on his own free will and not because he is forced to like me because that what fate dictates.” Luna spoke her truth. She hasn’t told anyone about this and telling Luhan about this made her feel completely exposed.

“I like you whether you’re my soulmate or not.” Luhan said looking into Luna’s eyes.

“I think we’ve already established that from our first date.” Luna teased Luhan and the latter smiled and tightened her hold on Luna’s hand. “What about you? Why don’t you believe in fate? Or was I wrong to assume you don’t believe in fate since you’re here dating me who isn’t your soulmate?”

Luhan was silent for a few seconds, as if he was carefully choosing his words.

“It’s not that I don’t believe in fate.” Luhan started and Luna could feel her heart tighten already.

“This whole thing started as a revenge to my soulmate to be honest. I wanted to hurt her too in some way.”

Luna looked at Luhan incredulously.

“Have you ever heard about some soulmates being more connected than others?”

Luna nodded.

“Guess me and my soulmate is one of those few ones. There’s always this burning pain in my chest where her name is inked. I’ve read somewhere that when you’re more connected to your soulmate, when your soulmate dates or falls in love with someone other than you, you would feel it.”

This whole admission was keeping Luna dumbfounded.

“It started as that though,” Luhan continued. “Since she doesn’t want to do anything with me, I figured I might as well do what she’s doing and go on dates. I started more than two years ago. I’ve just had enough of getting hurt together with her and decided to find someone to spend the rest of my life with since clearly my soulmate doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Luna still hasn’t said a word. It was a lot to take in for her. Luhan raised his hands to hold Luna’s cheek to get her to look at him in the eyes.

“I really like you though. Please don’t think of you being a rebound or me trying to use you to get over my soulmate. I was not in love with her. How am I supposed to be in love with someone I only know the name of? Sure, I’ve been curious about her. I did try to find her until five years ago but that was it.”

Where Luhan’s hands touched her, Luna’s skin burns. Or maybe it was the serious look in Luhan’s eyes that’s making her insides feel warm. Luhan’s admission was not something she foresaw. It makes her more scared knowing how connected Luhan is to his soulmate. She has heard about it but had never personally knew anyone who had that connection. Well, aside from herself, that is. But no one knows about it and it is a secret she will keep until her grave. But there was something in Luhan’s words and assurance, the way he touches her, the way he looks at her, that makes her want to try and risk it all for Luhan.

Luna hopes Luhan would be worth breaking her heart again for.

#mine #tumblr stories #writers in tumblr #writers in love #filipino writers #writersociety #writerscorner #writers community #writers on life #fantasy #love and romance #fate #destiny #soulmates

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chris-evans · 7 years

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Day 1- Jonryatrash

Day 1 of my fandom appreciation goes to @jonryatrash my saltwife and the love of my fandom life.

Muse, you are my bestest friend in the Jonrya fandom and honestly one of my closest friends in my personal life. I honestly cannot even cover how much you mean to me with one post, but I’ll try to get some of it down.

When I joined Jonrya chat last year, I was really nervous. I didn’t have any friends in the fandom and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was terrified of being in a chat room with people who had been shipping Jonrya longer than me and had fic resumes longer than mine.

You were my very first friend in chat. The very first day that I met you, you encouraged me to write The Inglorious Bastard, and that was my first sign that I was welcome in chat.

You were so warm and accepting of my depraved, disgusting, perverted, smutty self, and you matched it back. I didn’t know what we were doing back then (the good old days before Jon-Snows-D), but I knew that you and I were doing something special. And I was right.

I know that we’ve always been mocked for Jon-Snow’s-D, but it will always hold a special place in my heart, along with yourself. Jon-Snow’s-D wasn’t just about Jon and Arya banging and eggplants (huge part though). It was you and me bonding and starting the road to a really amazing friendship.

Some of the highlights of my time in Jonrya fandom have been in Jon Snow’s D with you. I will forever be grateful to that old chat because it gave me your friendship.

We have had a hell of a ride together since the birth of that chat and I have loved every single minute of it. I cannot thank you enough for everything that you have ever done for me.

Thank you for being such an amazing Jonrya shipper who welcomes everyone with open arms.

Thank you for being such a pillar of this fandom. I really don’t know what we would do without you.

Thank you for being the sole mod of the Jonrya chat. There were so many difficult moments that you had to confront as a mod, and you always did it alone and beautifully.

Thank you for writing some of the greatest Jonrya fics that the fandom has ever seen. Jon and Arya with babies and loads of sex? Yes fucking please.

Thank you for always engaging in fandom, even when you have so much going on in your personal life, you never ever forget us.

Thank you for being hilarious and snarky. You have patented so many iconic things. “Needle was Jon Snow’s dick.” “House Fuckboi.” President of the I hate Rhaegar Fuckboi Targaryen club.

Thank you for being so loyal. I tell you my most deep dark secrets and I know you’ll always guard them. Wow look at me being so extra.

Thank you for dealing with me and my extra self. I know it can be stressful and not an easy feat. I’m sorry for all of those extended periods of times I’ve fallen off the map and left you thinking that I’ve died.

Thank you for being such a beautiful girl. Like god damn, my salt wife is both a Ravenclaw and a knockout? Go me for hitting the jackpot.

Lastly, and most important of all, thank you for being an amazing best friend. I cannot even tell you how much your friendship means to me in a public tumblr post, but there’s a reason why you are my heart.

I love you with all of my heart and never ever forget how loved you are.

-P

#jonryatrash #jonrya #jon x arya #fandom appreciation #what do you know of my heart fandom what do you know of my saltwife

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astrofireworks · 7 years

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hi I love Sanha and Sanha loves The Manual so here’s The Manual: A Binu Version except a month late and the lyrics aren’t in order because I, too, am a mess

(1) When your soft eyes meet his, smile So he can smile, hey what’s up beauty, talk to him

Bin first meets Eunwoo in a dream.

He’s kidding, it’s not a dream.

But it might as well be, with Eunwoo sitting in a window seat of the café, chin in one hand and phone in the other, face gently lit up by the afternoon sun. He’s glowing, Bin thinks. He’s glowing, with his white dress shirt reflecting light onto his face and eyes sparkling as he smiles at some message.

Cue Bin standing in line with Jinjin and waiting for his coffee, all the while turning his head and trying to discreetly stare at the way the man’s eyelashes sweep his cheek – until Jinjin brushes by him and takes a seat right at the angel’s table.

Bin blinks. Alright then.

“Hi, you’re MJ’s roommate right?” Jinjin smiles, setting his coffee down. “This gaping idiot here’s my roommate. He thinks you’re cute.”

Bin flushes bright red, then thumps his coffee down on the table. Jinjin can expose him, but two can play at the game.

“Jinjin also thinks MJ’s cute,” he informs the angel and quietly marvels at the way his eyes immediately curve into crescents and the way his laugh tinkles clear and rests in the air between them.

“MJ thinks Jinjin’s cute too,” the angel grins in response, and Bin has to thump Jinjin on the back to keep him from choking too hard on his coffee.

By the time they’re done, the angel is giggling and Jinjin’s red in the face and glaring at Bin.

You’re dead, Jinjin mouths.

“Who’s dead? Also hey, Jinjin!” A figure brushes past him and sets his coffee down and slides into the seat beside Eunwoo as Bin starts to thump Jinjin on the back again.

“Why’s Jinjin the only one to get a greeting? Do I not matter enough to you to get a hello n- oW ALRIGHT, STOP HITTING ME!”

The sunshine only beams in response to the angel’s pout and weak defence against his shoulder smacks. He turns to Bin. “Are you Jinjin’s roommate? I’m MJ, this idiot is Eunwoo and I’m sorry I’m late, but I saw the cutest corgi on the way here and I stopped to pet him and he licked my hands and –”

Bin really wants to say he’s listening to MJ’s spiel, especially since this is the guy Jinjin’s had a crush on for forever, but the way Eunwoo sips his coffee and the way he glances up from his coffee cup to follow MJ’s story? He can’t tear his eyes away.

Even when Eunwoo looks up and catches him staring unabashedly at him.

And Bin is flushing and his fingers are fumbling with his coffee cup and suddenly he has nowhere to rest his eyes on without feeling awkward but-

“Ah, your name is Bin, right?”

There’s a smile in Eunwoo’s voice and it floats gently over to where Bin’s heart is about to thump out of his chest. Bin swallows tightly, wills his blush down, and looks up.

“Yeah,” he says and manages a weak grin in response.

“Ah, so that’s why you like coffee so much!” A soft chuckle barely skims the rim of Eunwoo’s mug, and Bin tips his head to the side, only somewhat slightly hiding a flush.

“Pardon?”

“Bin sounds like ‘bean’, so ‘coffee bean’. Coffee Bin!”

Bin wants to groan, he really does – it’s easily the worst joke he’s heard in a while. But Eunwoo’s laugh is ringing in his ears and Eunwoo’s shoulders are shaking slightly with laughter and his eyes are sparkling and Bin can’t help but smile helplessly back.

Oh my god. Bin’s fucked.

(2) Get up first in the morning and clean up mess Last night, wake you up

Ever since Jinjin finally confessed to MJ, Bin thinks he’s been exiled from his own apartment a lot more.

But it’s alright, he figures, because he and Eunwoo have more or less worked out a system where Bin just comes over and sleeps in MJ’s room whenever Jinjin and MJ have date nights. He doesn’t want to think about how he’s spending more time in MJ’s bed than his own, but he also constantly thinks about how he’s spending more time with Eunwoo than ever before.

Not that he has any complaints.

And if he does, whenever he awakens to the smell of coffee and ambles out of MJ’s room, hair in a mess and sleep shirt lost somewhere in the pile of clothes on MJ’s floor, to see Eunwoo prodding the coffee machine dubiously, any complaints are lost to the wind.

“Morning, roomie,” Eunwoo says without turning around.

“Roomie,” Bin repeats, grinning dumbly.

“Want pancakes?”

Bin doesn’t know where along the way Jinjin won the jackpot and started dating a man with the best roommate in the whole of existence, but he’s pretty grateful he gets to share the consequence of his fortune.

(3) When you’re too tired, take two bottles of soju And honestly knock on his door

To Bin: “dinner?”

From Bin: “too tired, dance ran over”

From Bin: “down for soju though”

To Bin: “mj’s gone, door’s unlocked”

Bin shifts the bag to his left hand, bottles clinking, as he eases the door open.

“You shouldn’t leave the door open like this, someone might come in and steal you,” he calls out and hears a soft rumble of laughter from the living room.

He slips off his shoes and enters the room and sees Eunwoo surrounded by papers and papers, glow of the laptop making him seem paler then he already is. For a brief second, he wonders if it’s him or Eunwoo that needs the soju.

“Glasses are in the second drawer from the left,” Eunwoo calls to him, “how was dance?”

Bin pulls out the shot glasses and hums an “eh” in response, making Eunwoo laugh.

As they clear Eunwoo’s documents off of the coffee table and set the soju down, his mind slips into what it’d be like, at the end of a long day, to come back to Eunwoo and to melt into his touch, to press himself against Eunwoo and listen to his heartbeat and rest his head on Eunwoo’s chest and have Eunwoo’s arm curled protectively around him.

It’s alright just like this, Bin thinks. They’re just friends knocking back small shots of soju and flowing into easy conversation.

And it’s nice as it is, Bin tells himself sternly, and tries to keep himself from melting too much into Eunwoo’s touch.

(4) Softly, with mood, warmly, tightly hug him Use it once a day, every day

“Bought you a snack,” Eunwoo sings into Bin’s ear.

Bin blinks and feels Eunwoo thrust a bag of popcorn into his hand. “Thanks, I guess?”

“You guess?”

“We just finished dinner, Eunwoo, what do you mean snac-”

A dramatic eye roll and a huff and then, “You mean you won’t be hungry again in about ten minutes?”

Bin blinks again, then bursts out laughing. Eunwoo’s right, as usual, and Bin swings his arm around Eunwoo’s shoulders and makes sure to let Eunwoo know.

A dramatic huff of “Of course I’m right!” and a twinkle of laughter.

Bin’s seen Eunwoo laugh a thousand times before. He’s seen Eunwoo laugh nearly every day he’s known him. But somehow, seeing Eunwoo like this, framed in dying sunlight, eyes bright and crinkled up and laughing at Bin, smile soft and wide – he’s the most beautiful thing Bin’s ever seen.

Bin’s heart stumbles and stutters back to life, pounding and unsure.

Bin doesn’t quite know where along the way he’s fallen in love with Eunwoo, this man with a heart of gold and a voice of silver and a laugh that lights up Bin’s world. But he has, he has and now he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.

(5) Sometimes, leave together without a plan Let him breathe under a different sky, a different wind

“A road trip,” Eunwoo repeats, voiced laced in disbelief. “A road trip.”

Bin grins and dangles the keys in front of Eunwoo’s nose. “Got them from Jinjin in exchange for leaving him and MJ in peace for two days.”

Eunwoo lets out a laugh, almost hysterical, “We didn’t plan this out, we have absolutely no idea where to go or what to do and-”

Bin sighs internally and shuts Eunwoo up the only way he knows how – by shoving his face right up into Eunwoo’s, noses almost touching and close enough to count each and every one of Eunwoo’s eyelashes. Eunwoo lets out a small squeak and jerks away, blushing furiously.

“You’re stressed and you need to relax,” Bin tells Eunwoo firmly, “and it’s a two-day trip and I’ve already told your brother we’re meeting him, so there.”

He sends Eunwoo scurrying for a backpack for clothes and toiletries before flopping down onto the couch, pleased with himself.

It’ll do Eunwoo good, he repeats to himself. It’s only to let Eunwoo relax, he repeats to himself. He thinks about the blankets rolled up in the trunk of the car, of the weather reports he’s been checking meticulously every week to make sure that this, this is the week the skies are clear and Eunwoo can see the entire universe Bin wants to lay out at his feet.

(6) Sometimes, kiss him without a plan Just like the day I fell for you without reason

“I can’t believe you managed to get the car from Jinjin.”

“I can’t believe it either.”

“And I can’t believe you managed to get permission to lie on the hood!”

“…”

“Oh my god.”

“…”

“You didn’t get permission, did you?”

“…”

Eunwoo sits up, smiling nervously over his shoulder like Jinjin’s about to jump out from behind a bush or something and Bin barely stops himself from laughing. “We’re already on the hood, aren’t we? Is getting off now going to change anything?”

He sees Eunwoo relax, bit by bit, and feels him lean back onto the windshield, shoulder pressing up against Bin’s.

“It’s nice like this,” Eunwoo murmurs, whisper nearly lost in the rustling of leaves of trees nearby.

Bin hums in response, pulling the blankets over their legs. “I’m glad.”

A moment of silence, and then –

“We’re meeting your brother tomorrow. Are you excited?”

“Haven’t seen him in ages, damn right I am.”

Bin laughs; Eunwoo doesn’t curse as often as Bin does, but when he does it’s somehow always full of enthusiasm and love and the way the words roll off his tongue in that clear voice of his always makes Bin’s heart leap out of his chest.

“You can see the stars so clearly here.”

“Yeah, Jinjin told me about this place. MJ said it’d be nice to bring you, since you like star gazing and all that.”

“I’m not so much interested in star gazing as having someone to stargaze with, to be honest. And it’s nice stargazing with you – you don’t talk half as much as MJ does.”

Bin turns slightly to the right, and he can see Eunwoo out the corner of his eye, lit up by the gentle moonlight. He looks exactly the way he did when Bin first set sight on him, soft and fierce, warm and cold and brilliant all at once.

Ethereal, Bin thinks.

Then suddenly Eunwoo is looking at him too, eyes wide and shining and curved up in the corners; Bin’s breath catches. Beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Bin’s heart thumps. Beautiful.

And just like that, he’s reaching over and hesitantly pressing careful lips onto Eunwoo’s, hands warm on Eunwoo’s jaw. Eunwoo tastes like green tea, like sunlight on cotton shirts on a clothesline, like glinting light off of snow. He tastes like foreheads pressed together and quiet whispers, like dancing in a moonlit room without music, like sharing hoodies and back hugs, and Bin isn’t quite sure if he wants to ever pull away.

And when they do break away from each other, Bin feels, for the first time in his life, that everything is unexpectedly clearer and snapped into place. He can feel every single thump of his heart, all the way down to his toes, and he can see every curve in Eunwoo’s smile. He feels the warmth of the hand curled loosely around his bicep and he feels the tip of his nose brushing against Eunwoo’s and when their eyes finally, finally meet, he feels Eunwoo’s gaze soften.

“Took you long enough,” Eunwoo whispers. His fingers brush Bin’s cheek. “Took you too damn long.”

(7) When you’re walking him home, slow footsteps With a low voice, confess to him

“When?”

“The first time we got drunk and you were leaning against my shoulder. I wanted to kiss you so badly.”

“Thank god you didn’t, I threw up like an hour in.”

“Yeah, I remember that.”

“…”

“When?”

“The first time you walked out of MJ’s room with your hair in a mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about being able to see that every morning for the rest of my life.”

“Was the fact that I was missing my shirt a factor?”

“Shut up.”

“…”

“Actually…”

“Yeah?”

“The moment I saw you.”

A laugh, “Really?”

“Truly.”

“Same.”

(8) Get up first in the morning, turning on jazz Gentle kiss, I’ll look at you

“Bean, get up,” the alien says. It’s purple and slopping all over the kitchen floor, but goddamn, the rice cooker is still in its gelatinous grasp.

Bin frowns; he’s pointing a bottle of soap at it, it should be begging for mercy, not telling him to get up.

“Babe, if you don’t get up, Jinjin’s going to be mad that his best man missed his wedding,” the alien insists.

“You’re in no place to tell me about weddings, you stole my rice,” he informs the alien, brandishing a whisk in its general direction. It comes out more as a muffled garble than anything else, but he’s sure the alien understands.

“Bean, baby, I love you, but I will truly leave you here because I intend to go to MJ’s wedding with or without you.”

Bin blinks. What?

And suddenly sunlight comes rushing in and he sees Eunwoo standing in front of the mirror, tugging on a dress shirt.

“S’looks good on you,” Bin mumbles.

“I know. That’s why you chose it. Bow tie or regular tie?”

“Both.” Bin’s slipping back into sleep when he hears Eunwoo’s exasperated sigh.

A dip in the bed next to him, a soft kiss on his forehead and fingers running through his hair and a moment of silence and – “Get up, bean.”

“It’s six in the morning, Noo –”

“I know, but we have to be there by seven or Jinjin says he’s giving his best man spot away to Rocky–”

Wait, what?

And just like that, Bin’s up like a shot, tumbling onto the floor and nearly walking into the doorframe. It takes all of two seconds before he stumbles back into the room, question ready on the tip of his tongue.

“I’ve hung up your stuff in the bathroom, you idiot, run and take a shower,” Eunwoo laughs brightly from where he’s still on the bed, fingers working through the knot of a tie.

“I love you,” Bin grins, sliding back out the bedroom door.

“Love you too, bean, but please, for the love of god, go and shower.”

(9) When it’s time to sleep, with a low voice, quietly, make him tear as you say Thank you so much, once a day, every day

Bin had a plan, he really did. It involved Rocky and Sanha and embarrassing music on a beach and a rapping MJ and a singing Jinjin. It also involved a duck, but Rocky said to put that idea on hold until they actually procured a duck.

It did not involve Eunwoo sitting on their bed, glasses jammed on his face and fingers delicately flipping through a book.

Bin’s fresh out of the shower, hair just towelled dry and arms full of laundry. He’s about to throw his shirt in the laundry basket but–

It’s a book Eunwoo’s read before, Bin knows, because he cries every time he gets to the ending and he always ends up cuddling Bin after. But there he is, leaning against the wooden headrest and reading it, hair still wet from a shower and black framed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, with the warm bedside lamplight by his shoulder shrouding him in a halo.

He looks like an angel, Bin thinks. Beautiful.

Eunwoo turns a page.

He looks the sort of beautiful you find after a long walk of staring at nothing, then stopping and staring at everything. The sort of beautiful you long to feel after a hard day, the sort of beautiful that settles in your bones and leaves you feeling kind.

He looks the sort of beautiful you’d want to wake up to, wake up for, every single day for the rest of your life.

Eunwoo turns a page.

Fuck the plan, Bin decides, and tosses his shirt in the vague direction of the laundry basket. He gropes around for two seconds in the bedside drawer and –

“Eunwoo?”

Eunwoo sets his book down on his lap and squints at where Bin’s standing at the end of the bed, hands behind his back.

“I, um…” Bin’s fingers fumble with the small box.

“What’s up, babe?”

Bin swallows.

How do you tell the person you love the most in the world that you’d go to the ends of the earth for them? How do you tell them that you’d lay the entire universe down at their feet?

“Bean?”

Suddenly Eunwoo’s kneeling on the edge of the bed, face peering into Bin’s. You could count every single eyelash, and they’d all each be longer than your lifespan, Bin thinks.

“Bean, you alright?”

“Thank you,” Bin blurts.

He sees Eunwoo rock back slightly in confusion and continues, “Thank you for everything.”

“Thank you for listening to me rant about my day. For laughing at all my dumb jokes. For knowing my coffee order. For stopping me last week when I nearly ordered something with tofu in it. For letting me fall asleep listening to your heartbeat. For falling asleep listening to mine.

“Thank you for not getting angry when I burned the popcorn last month. For making breakfast when you wake up before I do. For spending time with me in a cat café even though you’re a dog person. For holding me when I cry during Studio Ghibli films. For shoving an umbrella in my bag because you know I never check the weather forecast.”

“Bean, where is this going–” Eunwoo tries to laugh, but his eyes are sparkling and he’s smiling so hard and Bin knows, he knows Eunwoo’s trying to hold back tears. Eunwoo knows what he’s about to do, and Bin’s heart swells at the thought.

He chokes back tears of his own, tears for this beautiful man in front of him sitting in a too-big grey shirt from ages ago and smiling as if Bin’s as much the centre of his universe as he is Bin’s, and he nearly drops the ring box trying to get it open.

“Thank you for waking me up for things. Thank you for being the reason I wake up. Thank you for loving me in spite of everything, Noo.”

Bin swallows, and gets on one knee.

“I know it’s pointless to start trying to make it all up to you, but I hope you know that I’d like to try for the rest of our lives, if that’s alright with you.”

This beautiful boy, don’t lose him.

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wallpapernifty · 4 years

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lifeanddreamsandhopes · 4 years

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Survey for a friend

1. How would you feel if your SMARTPHONE disappeared forever?

- There are mixed feelings but first, I’ll be grateful that we all get more time to connect with ourselves, spending more time in real life rather than just scrolling mindlessly through facebook, Instagram, tik tok, etc. And plus, the world will just turn to the 80′s, the amazing era of music and everything else, I’d totally enjoy that. And then sadness hits when I can’t really get to enjoy all the amazing works of artists from all around the world, and can’t connect with people who have the same interests with me but live on the other side of the world. Internet is like a web that connects us all.

2. Are you addicted to your phone?

- I think I am. Smartphone developers are making us feel like hitting jackpot every time we check our phone to see if we have any messages. I kind of check it first thing in the morning, throughout the whole day, and last thing before I sleep. :’)

3. Are you truly happy?

- I think everyone defines their happy-o-meter differently. For me, I do think I’m happy if according to my happy-o-meter. My happiness is defined by how grateful I can be, and lately, through spiritual classes, I learn to be a lot more grateful about everything I have.

4. What frustrates you? Why?

- The thing that frustrates me is how negative people can be on the internet. If you don’t have something good to say, just say nothing. It just really hurts people on the other side so much.

5. How would you feel if you were to look out your windows and only see concrete?

- I would feel like I’m in prison. We are all one way or another, connected to The Earth, Sea and Sky, and we need at least to see and connect with one of these once a day. We do this to remind ourselves that we are living and breathing beings, growing and changing everyday and to never take things for granted and cement walls block out all of that, clouds our minds.

6. Do you have a personal garden at home?

- No, but I would love to have one.

7. Do you have access to green space at home?

- I do because beside my apartment, there’s a house which the owner grows all sorts of flowers, like a flower store. Every time I go down to even take my mail, I have to walk pass it, and it made me feel lucky to see such beautiful things everyday.

8. If you become depressed, how do you handle it?

- First, I try to meditate a bit, try to calm myself down as much as I can, and I give myself space to just sit down or sleep and let the feelings come. I just lie down and cry sometimes, and it helps. But the thing that helps the most is talking to someone, someone I trust, when they are just being there listening to me, it just helps lift all the weight off my mind.

9. What do you do to truly relax? Why?

- I simply sit down, close my eyes, and just focus on the breathing. We live in a society where loads and loads of information can come into our heads every day without us knowing through our social medias, and our smart devices. By distancing myself and just focusing on my breathing, it helps me to live in the moment and be with my true self, and it somehow calms me down.

10. Do you have a water filtration system installed in your house? Why not?

- No, I don’t own one but I’d loved to since it helps to clean out the leftover particles in the water, makes it more drinkable, I think. But Right now, I’m also good without having one, so I’m not planning on buying one anytime soon.

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crazygirlsworldofbooks · 5 years

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Review: The Anomaly (The Anomaly Files #1)

“The thing that has kept me from going crazy at certain periods in my life is the ability to let the future be.”

Book: The Anomaly (The Anomaly Files #1)

Author: Michael Rutger

My Rating: ✯✯✯✯✯ (5 Stars)

Read: June 29, 2019

Synopsis: Not all secrets are meant to be found.

If Indiana Jones lived in the X-Files era, he might bear at least a passing resemblance to Nolan Moore -- a rogue archaeologist hosting a documentary series derisively dismissed by the "real" experts, but beloved of conspiracy theorists. Nolan sets out to retrace the steps of an explorer from 1909 who claimed to have discovered a mysterious cavern high up in the ancient rock of the Grand Canyon. And, for once, he may have actually found what he seeks. Then the trip takes a nasty turn, and the cave begins turning against them in mysterious ways. Nolan's story becomes one of survival against seemingly impossible odds. The only way out is to answer a series of intriguing questions: What is this strange cave? How has it remained hidden for so long? And what secret does it conceal that made its last visitors attempt to seal it forever?

My Review:

I didn’t know what to expect when I started reading this book, I really didn’t. I was hoping for a mystery and ended up getting a whole lot more. This book is so far out of anything I have ever read or usually ever read and yet I found out I really enjoyed it. I’m not one for horror or terror genre but in this case it was very thoroughly explained and shown, the need for said terror and horror. All in all, I was more then pleasantly surprised, I was elated.

To begin with, the story itself, it was one of those ‘I’ve never seen anything like it’ plots and I loved it. I didn’t have much to go off on, considering I don’t usually read genres like this, but regardless it was a rollercoaster that I didn’t want to get off of. I am definitely very grateful that I picked this book up off of the ‘Book of the Month Club’.

Next, the characters jumped up off the page and by the middle of the book, you felt like you’d really enjoy having a drink or two with them, that’s how well we really got to know them. I appreciated that the characters were flawed in more ways then one, which made them so much more relatable, and therefore human. Sometimes characters get on my nerves a little when they try to be too much of a hero and spend too much time being perfect, well not this group of people. Raw and unfiltered, I really grew to like them a lot.

Further, the writing style was done really well and I didn’t have many complaints about that either. It was precise and to the point without being too short and not giving us enough of a picture of what was going on. I was able to picture what was happening in the moment and the action was masterfully woven into the story, as were the slower parts. I could definitely see this being turned into a movie because it was playing in my head like a movie as I was reading it.

All in all, this story couldn’t have been further from my usual cup of tea and yet I liked every single thing about it. I was afraid that it would be too gory for me (and it was gory), but the gore was done in a tasteful way and the mystery was explained, so the gore wasn’t useless as in a lot of horror genre works. So it was definitely a mystery, mixed with a lot more action than I’m used to and adventure. I think anyone who likes any of those genres will really like this book and I definitely will be reading the second book in the series and more books by this author, after I recover from this book and the lasting impact it made on me. Sometimes it pays off to venture outside of your usual route and in this case, I hit the jackpot.

#the anomaly #the anomaly files #rutger #review #favorite

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znationfanfiction · 7 years

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New Orleans, Pt. 2

Chapter four of my fanfic!! I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it. Feel free to message me and reblog it!! (Just no stealing it please). Trigger Warnings: panic attack, some violence, a make-out scene (I'm a thirsty bitch, what can I say?), mature language. ------------------- "Alright, well it seems like we still have a little time before that zunami gets to us, so we'll split up and look for supplies. Addy's with Doc, Murphy will go with me and Vasquez, and Tally and 10k will go together. Search stores and houses and we'll meet back here", Warren orders. "Aye-aye, cap'n", I drawl. Murphy snorts and I wink at him. 10k and I start toward some of the houses in a small neighborhood off the main street, searching for anything we can find. As we meander down the side streets, I sing quietly to myself. It's a tendency that seemed to carry over from pre-Z. I did it when I was nervous. The combination of being alone with 10k is enough to make my palms sweat and my mouth feel stuffed with cotton...add jump-scares from Zs into that mix, and you get a very nervous Tally. "Little black submarines, operator please, patch me back to my mind...", I sing quietly to myself. We go up the stairs onto a small, cramped porch. He opens the door cautiously for me, and take a deep breath before I step around it into the eerie house. "Oh , can it be, the voices calling me, they get lost and out of time", I sing as loud as I dare, trying to draw any Zs out. Two loud snarls echo through the foyer and the zombies they came from lurch from the living room at us. We each grab one and pike them. "4106", 10k murmurs, looking to me. I shrug. "Guess they didn't like my voice". He lets out a soft, short laugh at that. "Well, I think you sound amazing". Ugh, so cute and sweet and I just want him to kiss me so bad... I smile and our bodies unconsciously inch toward each other, as if they are magnetic. Becoming too aware of this, I take a step back. Whew, that was close. Too close. Don't go fucking this up, Tally. He probably doesn't even like you like that. He just doesn't have many other choices in females. Just focus. I send him a soft smile. "We should hurry up and get those supplies before we get overrun", I manage to get out. He nods, looking...disappointed? We manage to scrape up a couple gallons of water stored in old bleach containers. "Smart", nods 10k as he hoists one into his pack. Too bad the kitchen was completely empty otherwise. Someone tried to leave in a hurry, for certain. Too bad they didn't seem to get very far. "I'm gonna look for some clothes up in the bedrooms. We are starting to look pretty ratty, even for us." "I'll go with you". He throws the pack on his back and we quickly ascend the stairs, weapons ready in case we missed a particularly sneaky Z. We both huff a sigh of relief when we encounter no other zombies. "Let's check out that master bedroom, see if we can find any clothes that fit", he whispered. It's hard to break the habit of whispering to keep under the radar of anyone listening, like Zs. I nod and we walk to the bedroom, immediately going through drawers and the closet for anything practical. We hit a huge jackpot. The men's clothes seem to fit 10k pretty well, and we find some old fatigue pants in a couple different sizes. "They must have both been military", I say. A small sadness washes over me at the thought of so many lives, just snuffed out. Lost. Gone. I shake my head to clear the thoughts. We quickly change in separate rooms and meet back in the bedroom to stuff another few clothing articles in our bags. We can ditch the clothes later if we run out of room for supplies. We both dress in the fatigue pants and stuff them into our boots. I dress in a tank top that fits close to the skin so I don't get grabbed as easily, and we start to head out the door. Not paying attention is a huge mistake in the zombie apocalypse. I know that, and so does everyone else. So when I bumble out the front door and straight into a cool, rotting body, it's entirely my fault. 10k rips the Z from me, piking in the head. Yet another reason to thank God every day for 10k. I take in gasping breaths, stunned by almost being zombie food. 10k checks me for bites, hands smoothing over my arms and neck to ensure I am okay. Surprising us both, I grab his face and plant a big kiss right on his cheek. Oooh fuck. What did you just do, you absolute DUMBASS?! You've gone and screwed up everything! "I-I'm sorry...just, thank you so much for saving me. What a dumbass mistake to make, just waltzing out the door like that...", I stammer out as I try to fix this whole awkward mess of a situation. The look on his bright red face worries me, so when he breaks into a grin, my heart finally starts beating again. "No, it's...it's okay. We watch out for each other. It's what we all do", he says, hesitantly taking my hand in his own. This time, it's not either of us that stops the moment. It's a huge wall of zombies coming right for us. We run around the back of the house, looking for some sort of shelter. My foot catches something raised in the backyard, and 10k is just turning back to help me up when I realize that my clumsy ass just tripped over a cellar door. We both throw the doors open and hop down inside. He shuts the doors again and slides a metal pipe through the inside handles. "Shit. The group's gonna be so worried. Shit", I fret, pacing our small space before realizing that we are surrounded by a small amount of supplies. Cans, more bleach containers, and jars of food sit on shelves around us and I nearly burst into tears. Fucking jackpot. I do a small celebration dance while 10k looks on at me in amusement. He's much more observant than I am, and noticed the supplies as soon as we hopped down. "What now?", I ask, watching as he sits against a bare wall and makes himself comfortable. "We wait it out. The group's probably hiding somewhere too". ------------------------ The first 10 minutes of silence in the cellar aside from the occasional scuffle or grunt of a zombie is unbearable to me because I become so anxious. My chest tightens up and I feel as if I can't get enough air in my lungs. I feel trapped and horrified at the thought of the zombies busting down the doors and eating us alive. So helpless. 10k notices my shallow, strained breaths and scoots over to sit by me. He hesitantly grabs my hand and squeezes it, then moves close to murmur comforting words to me. Slowly, my chest untightens and I can breathe again. I look up to his face to thank him, grateful that he helped me through the panic, to find his eyes on me. His face is just inches from mine, and the proximity has my pulse hammering. I've noticed him watching me a lot when we are with the group, and I always get so self-conscious because I'm worried he's thinking about how strange I am or how bad I look with my curls frizzed and sticking up at all angles from my braid. But...the way he is looking at me now sets a fire loose deep in my chest. He starts to lean in closer and my eyes widen as his hand comes up to touch the back of my neck. Suddenly, our lips are pressed together. A whole horde of rabid Zs are set free in my chest, and my hands come up to grasp his collar, my body finally breaking from the shocked state and responding to him. His lips are soft and the kiss is everything a first kiss should be. His breath is sweet as it mixes with my own. We both pant as the gentle kiss turns hungry, desperate. 10k tightens his grip on me and his hands slide down my shoulders to my lower back, pulling me flush against his body. Tongues explore mouths and teeth knock together slightly. A noise I've never heard come from myself escapes my throat, like a noise a wild animal would make, and he responds with his own deep groan. The kiss slows after a while and we pull back to look at each other, still panting and both very red. A smile lights up his face in a way I've never seen on him, and I can't help but respond with my own. "I've wanted to do that forever", he mutters, "but I was always afraid to mess up us being friends". "Me too", I chuckle. His face turns slightly more serious. "That was a-actually my first...", he trails off. His first kiss? Him? But he's so perfect and cute and who wouldn't want to kiss him?? "Well", I grin, "I guess we will just have to do that some more to practice". I wink at him and he laughs, bringing my lips back to his own.

#z nation #10k #10k z nation #10k fic #fanfic #fanfiction #story #z nation fanfiction #addy carver #Murphy #roberta warren #doc #masterlist

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ahnsael · 8 years

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Also found out yesterday that I’m losing my favorite security guard. He’ll still be there, but...he’s been really wanting to move to swing shift, and with my new hire I can afford, coverage-wise, to let him move up to his preferred shift.

I really hate to lose this guy from my shift, but it’s a move he’s been lobbying for since before I worked there and became his direct supervisor, and he truly does deserve it. I’m gonna miss working with this guy...but it would have been selfish of me to deny the move just because I wanted to keep working with him.

Oh, well. Even with losing this guy from my shift, I’m in better shape now than I was a month ago. And I’m not kidding when I say he truly deserves a better shift (I enjoy graveyard, but...I totally get that it’s not for everyone). But he’s a great employee (he was a manager for a short time as well, but decided that it wasn’t for him -- right about the time that I applied, so I took his management job after he left it, and I’m also forever grateful to him for opening up that position for me).

He knows his stuff, he’s smart (he doesn’t deal well with change, but he does adjust eventually once I find the right way to explain it to him -- he’s autistic, so I sometimes have to figure out how to get on his wavelength and explain things in a way that he’ll understand and accept), he was a HUGE help to me when I was new, he takes on most additional responsibilities I try to lay on him (the dude KNOWS his rules and policies), and he’s literally been here since the casino opened (as in, he’s worked there about three times longer than I have).

But I have high hopes for the new guy who started less than a week ago. Not only is he learning things well (not perfectly, but still...he’s doing okay; maybe learning some thins faster than I am, even though he doesn’t believe me when I say that), but he’s about to turn 60 and he was shocked that we hired him at all at his age.

But if there’s something I can say for our company, it’s that we LIKE to hire people that nobody else will hire. Granted, that means that we get a lot of people who don’t work out in the end...but they also get people like me (who nobody else would hire after six years of unemployment) and this new guy (who thought he was too old to get hired anywhere), and he seems to be happy to be trading “flipping houses” for an actual job for his living and wants a steady job.

It’s not like the younger kids who hire in, then a few days later find something better-paying and bail on us (we pay $1 less than minimum wage, but that’s legal in Nevada if a company offers health insurance -- there are occasional tips, but...we’re a small-town casino; we got $5 last night and had to split it three ways, and that was more than we sometimes get; if someone hits a jackpot the tips can be much nicer but...those don’t happen every day, or even every week -- though it can happen multiple times per day if the machines are hot).

But this guy seems to have loyalty and a good amount of integrity. Integrity goes a LONG way in this business (we have at least one regular, maybe more, who worked for us but got fired for pocketing money -- one of them pocketed 4¢ and was fired for it; not sure about why other former employees left, but I’m guessing for more money).

And, while he’s forgetting things in his initial “information overload” stage (I keep telling him that I really did go through the same thing when I hired in here, and that it took me three weeks or so before I didn’t think I completely sucked at my job), he’s picking it up well. All I have to do is keep him motivated, and I really do think that I can do that.

And as for the money -- my pay rate is $1 less/hour than I negotiated at my interview, but I wasn’t really in a position to say no. But better a job at my current rate (still less than I was making in 1997, literally 20 years ago) than no job if I had been firm on my desired rate (the economy sucks...so while I’m convinced that this place could pay better, I’m still happy that I make what I do now and not the $0/hr that I was making before I finally landed a job).

But I truly do enjoy my job. We have good guests, I enjoy (85% or more) of my coworkers (not a bad percentage, in a work environment), I like 75% of our guests (and pretend that I like the other 25% when I’m working, or even when I’m not working if they recognize me outside of work and initiate conversation), I love our building and its historical status, I...kind of get a kick out of the challenge that comes with knowing we’ve got known drug dealers and cheats frequenting us (if I catch them, I can have Sheriff’s Deputies there in a few minutes to take them out of the casino; and unlike other places I’ve lived, I have yet to have a bad experience with cops here; granted, that could mostly be because when it comes to gaming regulations, we’re on the same side, and nothing violent has happened in any of their visits, which is good because the LAST thing I want -- other than maybe getting robbed and having to explain how they got my money -- is to have a conflict in the casino when it could be avoided).

But these are Nevada cops (not state patrol, but cops in Nevada). From what I’ve seen, maybe one of the 7-10 officers who I’ve officially dealt with was a jerk...but that was just a gut feeling, because he wanted to interview one of my security guards just because he has a record (even though the security guard was THE ONE who turned in the drugs he found, but...one officer was familiar with him and wanted to try to nail him; the cop didn’t succeed this time).

But overall, I haven’t had a bad experience with cops here. Which will be a first for me if that continues (and I hit cruise control as soon as I hit 25mph on these residential roads so I don’t accidentally speed -- I’ve been tailed by cops looking or a reason to pull me over a couple of times, but so far they have found no reason to pull me over).

I know...white privilege. I’m only worried about getting pulled over, where other people have to worry about being shot for no reason. I acknowledge that, and don’t at all dispute that I have it better than MANY other people. But still...I do what I can to not be a target. Because I know people who HAVE been a target, and I’ve tried to learn from them.

Anyway, time for me to sleep. Tonight’s my Friday, but I really should rest up for the shift. I haven’t slept well the past few days, and maybe today will be my day.

Last night went really smoothly; here’s hoping tonight does as well. Also had a really good meeting with my boss yesterday (and thank goodness for the manager who interrupted us and got into friendly “angry” banter with the boss, because it put him in a MUCH better mood than he was in after the first thing I informed him about...the rest of the meeting went MUCH better after he got to vent on her (as she vented on him -- they both give as good as they get, and they both seem to enjoy it; it’s not my own personal style, but if it works for them, I’ll allow it). We’re making a few more changes (even from what he told my co-graveyard manager less than a week ago, but I’m game to try whatever I’m told to try and if it doesn’t work I’ll deal...but I do think this idea will work to our advantage). And for the first time in a month, there was no “you can’t tell ANYONE that I told you this, not even your co-Graveyard manager who works with these same people I’m talking to you about.”

Apparently, my co-graveyard manager has more cajones than I do, and told the boss that it was bullshit that if he had talked to one of us about something, and told us not to share with each other, and then the thing that he talked about happened on the night that the one of us he told was off shift...the other would have no clue what to do, or what to look for.

This week there were no “secret” things. I mean, sure, there’s thing I can’t tell the line staff (I had to write two incident reports last night; my new security guard asked what I had to do them for and I told him the story behind one of them, but told him that the other one was “something I can’t talk about” (this new guy is in no way involved, but...it’s more sensitive and I needed to be so discreet that I scanned my incident report, emailed it [and photographic evidence] to my boss and the relevant department manager, and then said in the email that I would be taking the original copy of the incident report home in case prying eyes [of which we’ve had at least one lately going through our boxes to see what management knows/doesn’t know about their shenanigans -- I have a suspicion as to whom, but my boss has seen the videotape from the security cameras that I have not seen; I don’t have access to surveillance yet and I told him that I accepted that I’m on a “need-to-know” basis here; if he has to tell me he will, but if not I’ll just be sure to keep ZERO confidential information in my box] went through our mailboxes. So the boss knows who it is, with 100% confidence. I just have a strong suspicion as to who it is, with about 75% confidence.

But whether I’m right or wrong as to who it is, I can’t leave ANY sensitive infor in my box like I used to.

But hey...it’s always an adventure in the casino business. And that’s honestly a HUGE part of what I like about my job. I can’t turn off my brain no matter what...so at least now it’s mostly productive/work-related things, which beats the old “you suck, you’re terrible at everything that you try to do” thoughts that permeated my brain before this job.

I may not be the BEST. In fact, I’m probably far from the BEST. But my boss wants to eventually move me up to have my own casino to be the main manager of, my new hire tells me that I’m a REALLY good trainer, and that he’s even more impressed because I find the time to do it between all of the ther tasks I have to do. And it’s nice to hear that.

And my boss told me two weeks ago that he has “complete confidence” in me, even after our owner LAID INTO US about stuff we were doing wrong. And this is not a boss who throws around compliments like Halloween candy. He’s tight with stuff like that.

And even the next time I saw the owner, at a meeting last week, he was very cordial and friendly with me. Which was a first -- I’ve been on his radar before, but on an email/reputation/grapevine basis. But now that he’s coming to our management meetings (we cut back on the number of meetings and now he’s at ALL of them for the past 2-3 months, where I’d never even MET him before that), he’s getting to know more of us.

And from the friendly “good morning” I got from him, the first non-meeting-related conversation I’d had with him (we’d spoken in a couple meetings, but that was all business under the circumstances, so a friendly “hello” before the meeting started actually meant a lot to me), I think I may be still on his radar...in a good way.

Either way...I still have my depression/life circumstance issues, but overall, I’m VERY happy to be where I am. I work with (mostly) good people for )(mostly) good guests. And the people with whom I work on my own shift, I think, are ALL good people (maybe because I work with them for more than the half-hour between when I get on shift and the Day Shift gets out, and maybe also because I also work with Swing Shift for about that same half-hour...and then it’s my job to fix EVERY MISTAKE those two shifts made because I’m the one who audits their paperwork to catch the mistakes before we send it off to Audit and it’s MUCH better if I catch/fix it than if Audit sees it uncorrected).

But...overall, I REALLY enjoy where I work right now. And even though a couple of casinos are trying to headhunt me and offering more money if I work there (and, trust me, “more money” would be welcome right bout now), but while my job is no Disneyland, it’s still entertainment and me talking to people and convincing them that they’re having fun despite the hundreds (or THOUSANDS) of dollars that they’ve spent for that fun just to press a “spin” button and find out that they lost (it’s almost as if that common knowledge is true that the casino ALWAYS will win more than you do...but people gamble because they hink they’ll be THAT ONE who out-does the bigger bettors.

All I know is that it’s been almost a week since I’ve paid out a jackpot from my drawer. And I REALLY would like to do one soon. Like tonight, before my weekend starts at 7am tomorrow morning.

I know that MOST of our guests lose. I certainly hope they have fun in the chase...because those are the people who give me job security.

But sometimes, we have guests win BIG (we had a guy last night turn $5 in cash into $250 by the time he cashed out and seriously, good for him).

I have a regular who plays a machine with an over $7,000 jackpot. She flirts with me a LOT, but...while I think she’s a groovy lady, and that we get along (and that...yes, I would like for her to do some of the things she has said that she wants to do to/with me)...my first job at work is to make sure people are comfortable.

And she’s usually at least 3-4 beers in before the “heavy flirting” starts.

I mean...yes, I can honestly say that I want to go there.

But I can also say that I don’t see anything long-term with her, so...as lonely (AS HELL) as I am, I just don’t think it would be worth the potential consequences.

I just worry that she’ll catch me after a couple after-shift drinks and convince me to say yes. I wouldn’t regret it if that happened, but...if I’ve had a few, I may not notice that SHE’S had a few. And if SHE wakes up regretting it, than I’m a failure as a man. Not based on performance, but based on the fact that if she has no idea whether or not she wanted it, that means the guy took advantage of a situation where she wasn’t thinking clearly.

There’s a word for that. Starts with an R, ends with APE. I’ll leave the rest to you t figure out.

Dammit, I’m lonely. But also, dammit, I have principles. That’s probably a good combination, but these days, I’m not so sure.

Goodnight, tumblr. Goodnight.

#work things #long rambling post

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