#and you resent miles for being that reminder

[fellhellion]

Literally gnawing on that one bit of emotional honesty from Miguel where he hears Gwen helplessly say she has no idea how to fix this - and that’s what shakes him - giving that wry reply about her joining the club

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 || 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐎’𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

part one: hurt me, it’s okay || part two: here

summary_ Spiderman and Spiderwoman from earth 1610 met by casuality, she goes back to the Spider Society, reunites with Miguel and while he debates telling her she’s in his canon events, Spiderwoman makes a decision, to help Miles Morales.

warnings_ age gap! (8/9 years), angst, not a lot of scenes with Miguel, slight canon divergence

note_ listen to my playlist for Miguel!!!!! (Proofreading this later)

♪ ♫ My Miguel O’Hara playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)

𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇🕸️𓆸⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇🕸️𓆸⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇🕸️𓆸

Time healed everything for sure. A prolonged smile rests on your face as you walk through the streets of Brooklyn, New York. Summer is around the corner and you are visiting the state with your parents. But you decided to take an afternoon walk after dinner with them. As the weeks progressed, soon they turned into two months. Deep inside your heart, you resented most of your past. But you did your best to let go of the pain, to forgive Gwen, Jess, Peter, and Miguel.

Some nights you went to sleep with him in your thoughts, wondering if he’d also be thinking of you. Perhaps he cared for you and he sent you home for your security, but… he was so cold, so indifferent towards you. Which only confirmed… it was only you who felt everything.

Either way, many things had happened. In two months, you have changed a lot. You grew quieter, reserved, and slightly insecure. The spiderwoman suit was left behind at the back of your closet. But something told you to bring it to your New York trip.

One thing’s sticking to you, of what Miguel said to you once, about never being ready to assume the role of being a spider. You immediately learned it after losing your best friend.

You got scared, hands covered in blood, sirens quickly approaching the scene, your friend whispering to you to go, that it was going to be fine, to keep going. But the trauma only made you grow mixed feelings towards your abilities.

Till the day you realized you were capable of opening portals and traveling across dimensions without a gizmo. Like a ghost moving through dimensions, you started doing your job. Remembering your best friend’s words; you kept going.

The temporary barrier you made for your earth was still holding you back, secure from your past, working on the present. Earth - 1610 already had a Spiderman, so their Spiderwoman would serve outside. As soon as the barrier was broken, you knew it was a matter of time before they came for you. And you knew well, if they came, it was because things were going bad.

But for now, you are having a break.

Your smooth steps are calmed and you are feeling relaxed. The city is extremely crowded and you realize how different it is from California. But your gaze lands on something that reminds you of home; a pastelería. As you read they have conchas, elotitos, mantecado, and more, the smell invades you.

Your smile grows bigger as you step closer, and before you can even try to open the door of the place, someone opens it from inside.

“fuck…” you grunt as you feel the impact of the door in your nose.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, I’m in a rush and…” When you look up, you see a kid well, a teenager, who’s taller than you.

Your spider senses connect with him.

“You’re like me…” says the boy.

“You’re the Spiderwoman from California. I thought it wasn’t real!” you frown at him, then slowly nodding.

“And you’re Spiderman too… How old are you?” He’s wearing an oversized jacket, and he holds two boxes of cake.

“I’m fifteen. And you? How long have you been Spiderwoman? Why aren’t you surprised? Why there have been three Spider-people on this earth?”

“Woah, boy, those are too many questions in one sentence. I’m y/n, I was bitten three months ago and I’m twenty, by the way” he nods, looking at the boxes in his hand before looking at you again.

“I’m Miles, and I’m running late. Come with me, please”

“I’m a stranger”

“Oh please, you don’t meet spider people every day,” Miles says and you sigh, remembering you used to be part of the Spider Society.

“I can’t just follow you. Besides, Where?”

“My home. It’s my father’s celebration, he’s getting promoted, he’s a cop” You nod, but still unsure, feeling your nose throb and knowing you have to go back to the hotel with your parents.

“That’s nice, but they don’t know me, neither you do.”

“Please, I bet you don’t have anyone else to talk to about this?” you used to have many people. You fell in love with one of those. But now, Miles is right, so you nod, agreeing with him.

“Just say that you used to study with me at Visions Academy” You nod, feeling that it wasn’t a good idea to go with the kid, but it felt correct.

“Fine, but I won’t stay long enough” the boy smiles, feeling very happy and confused about meeting you.

So to his home, it’s rushed. Miles tells you that he fought a very strange villain that morning, a man who had spots all over his body. He also shares that he’s having some trouble with keeping his secret from his parents.

By the time you arrive at his apartment complex, you realize maybe it wasn’t that much of a bad idea to follow him.

…

For a long time, you had stopped caring about being alone in random places. But Miles had a tough argument with his parents and there you were left in the party where you were the stranger. You ignore the curious looks of the attendants, eyes locked on the two tables full of Puerto Rican food. You grab two alcapurias and after the taste of one, you realize they are to die for. The party is very pretty despite the awkward moment where Miles bolted away after the fight.

“Hi!… Miles said he brought an old friend from school, you are…” Startled, when you turn, you encounter Rio, the mother of Miles.

“I’m y/n” You are beyond embarrassed, with your mouth full of food and sweaty hands.

“Right, y/n. ¿Y hablas español?” Rio asks, her arched brow lets you know she’s judging, but thankfully you will make her happy.

“Así es, mi familia y yo somos chicanos, de California. And I’m so sorry for intruding like this, Mrs. Morales” The woman’s smile grows and you swear she wants to hug you.

“Oh, that’s amazing. You are unlike that other friend of Miles… Wanda. You can call me Rio” You nod, accepting her hand to shake. But all you can think about is that name… you have heard it before.

“And don’t get me wrong, Miles said you were older and you look responsible… but… please be honest with me” You leave the now empty plate on the table because the woman seemed to be serious.

“Is Miles in trouble? Because… he’s been very… difficult. He skips classes, lies to us, and-“

“He’s a good boy. I promise, he loves his parents and wants to make them happy. But he’s under pressure. I promise, Rio, he’s a good boy” Despite meeting Miles two hours ago, you know he’s good. You know he wants to do well, and you know what it is to be hiding your spider persona from your loved ones.

Rio nods, offering a little smile.

“I’m really glad to meet you. I’ll let you go now, pero que sepas que eres bienvenida siempre que quieras” you smile, feeling how good of a mother Rio was. So you nod, waving at her as she walks away.

“Gracias, Rio. Y la comida está riquísima!” she giggles, waving back at you, finally disappearing from your view.

Soon you turned to the food again, now it was time for dessert, which made you get lost and only pay attention to the food. When you look up, you see that the sky has started changing. It was getting very late, so you let your parents know you were still shopping and soon, that’s when you realized you hadn’t seen Miles since he fought with his parents.

You start looking around, the music is still playing and the party is alive. You start moving around when you bump into someone. The person holds you steady with very little pressure, preventing you from tripping or so.

“Woah, sorry… wait, y/n?” A female voice asks, when you raise your gaze, you are shocked. There is Gwen.

“Do you know each other?” Miles asks behind Gwen.

You panic, you panic. So you do what you best do, to bolt.

“I need to go, you know my number, Miles. You can call me whenever you want”

“Wait, y/n…” Miles calls you but you are already gone.

Gwen reveals that you worked in the Spider Society. Miles was a bit angered with you for never reaching out to him. But Gwen also shared that you had been Spiderwoman for less than three months, that you had entered the society and she as your friend, failed you as the others too. And lastly, you had a tough story with Miguel O’Hara.

Miles understood you. And he followed Gwen after she left.

…

You are going back to your hotel with your parents when a hand pulls you to an alley, it is Gwen again. Now with her suit on.

“Oh my god, y/n, it’s you!” She takes off her mask and runs to hug you. And as much as you want to push her away, you hug her back.

“I missed you so much. We all miss you” She looks very excited to see you. And you want to say that you missed her too, but you’re proud and stubborn, so you don’t.

“Why are you here, Gwen? And why do you know Miles?”

“A lot has happened. I promise to tell you everything, but please come back. For now, there’s this anomaly that I need to catch” he shows you her gizmo, and the little hologram of a white creature with dark spots appears.

“That’s the villain Miles mentioned earlier”

“And how do you know him? You said you didn’t know who was the other spider man from this earth” you sigh.

“I met him like three hours ago”

“You need to come back. Miguel was checking daily to see if the temporary barrier you made was broken. You really really need to talk with him” Rolling your eyes, you hear her. But deep inside, you are dying to know everything, every little detail.

“Gwen, I won’t lie that it didn’t hurt me what happened. I felt betrayed. But now I’m happy with the life I have. Despite everything… I’m trying to move on” You don’t have the heart to tell her that you resent everyone a little, that you don’t need a gizmo to travel and save people from other dimensions. And you won’t tell her that as much as Miss Miguel, you won’t give him the satisfaction to go back.

“I’m begging you, y/n. We need you…” suddenly, the tiny hologram of Lyla appears and starts moving around you; smiling.

“OH MY GOD, Y/N!!!, YOU’RE HERE, MIGUEL IS GOING TO FREAK OUT… but don’t tell him I revealed that” You find the humor in her words, so you giggle.

“Hello, Lyla. I love your new glasses” she winks.

“Gee thanks, I also love your new hair”

“Yeah, it’s longer.” Gwen agrees with the AI.

“You’re coming with us, right?” Lyla asks, making you sigh.

“I will accompany Gwen to capture the anomaly, but I won’t go back to the HQ if that’s what you two are inquiring” you calmly say, walking beside a trash can to take your suit, perfectly folded inside your purse.

“You have to be kidding. Besides what happened with Miguel, Hobie, Ben, Pavitr, Penny, Noir, Jess and everyone misses you a great deal. You were a very popular spider, you know?”

“Yeah, Miguel is my problem. I deeply resent him and I’m not afraid to admit it” you reveal.

“I swear he wants you back. He has a lot to say to you, Would you come back just to… At least listen to him?… we have a life or death situation growing as the Spot is out there free” Lyla fires back. You shrug, not thinking clearly before slowly nodding.

There are so many things to think about, but you have already nodded.

“I-… I’ll go, but you have to let him know. I don’t want an awkward reunion” Gwen nods excitedly, and Lyla also nods.

“Great, I’ll tell him. Now go, Miguel won’t be happy with you Gwen” and then, the AI disappears.

Oh man, what have you agreed to?

…

To say you had the eyes of the whole world on you, was exaggerated. But at least the eyes of every single spider at the HQ, we’re looking at you.

Some stare, some greet you with enthusiasm and others offer confused smiles. When you arrived in Mumbattan with Gwen, Pavitr gave you a huge hug and didn’t let you go for many seconds. And when Hobie appeared, as the man of few words you knew he was, still shocked you with a long pat on the shoulder and admittedly said he missed you.

“This is so cool, I can’t believe you quit” Miles whispered to you. The teenager also appeared on Pavitr’s earth and you were highly impressed by his abilities.

“They kicked me out” you revealed, Miles looked surprised and Jess heard you, but you avoided her gaze. Back from Mumbattan to the HQ, Jessica rarely spoke to you. Instead, you spent the time with Miles, who had so many questions; and you wished you could just blurt out everything, but you wouldn’t.

“You don’t know the whole story, y/n,” Gwen said, joining the conversation.

“I think I pretty much know most of it. That’s enough…” while you didn’t pretend to sound so cold, you did.

“Please have patience with Miguel. But listen to him…” Jess also adds, you only eye her, but you don’t say anything else, you just nod.

It was at that moment that you realized how freaked out you were to meet Miguel again.

“For sure, Jessica. Just like he listened to me the last time I saw him” the woman looks down with remorse, but you don’t see it because you turn back at the way that Gwen leads.

Everyone can sense that while you are being respectful, there was bad blood running through every corner and step you were taking.

Miles thought you were very bright and sweet, but once you entered the portal and stepped inside the HQ of the Spider Society, your demeanor changed, showing you bitterly defensive and cold.

“Here we are…” Gwen says pushing a button that opens what you remember being Miguel’s office.

“I need a minute…” you say staying behind everyone. Only Hobie stayed beside you.

“You got this, Luv,” he says. And you love that words were not needed with Hobie, he completely understood you.

“If anything happens, you know where to stand, Hobie” he nods after entering the dark room.

You sigh, taking long breaths, mentally preparing for what is coming. It could end well, or badly.

And you had a bad feeling about it.

…

The bad feeling got worse.

Miguel couldn’t stop looking at you. He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face when he saw entering his office along with Peter B. Parker.

You can’t stand the man trying to shamelessly blame a fifteen-year-old. At some point, you know, it’s enough.

“Even if Miles hadn’t been bitten, earth-42 would have remained without a Spiderman. So don’t you dare to keep blaming him” Miguel turns, and you can see and feel he’s getting mad, but you don’t care. You couldn’t care less.

Maybe your heart cared, but your head was winning.

“It’s more complex than that, y/n.”

“Yeah, it worked out when you sent me home without telling me why” Lyla pops out around the shoulder of Miguel and looks worriedly between you and the broad man.

“Woah, Miguel, maybe you should tell her about that…” you frown, looking at the AI.

“Tell me what?”

“It doesn’t matter now, Lyla.” Your head wonders what could it mean, but you brush it away, so you turn again towards Miguel, looking at him with fury.

“I don’t need your stupid gizmo, I don’t need the Spider Society and I don’t need you, Miguel” you spit with anger and confidence, but everyone knows you actually need your friends, and that you are ignoring the feelings you had for Miguel.

“And look where your recklessness brought us. You are a threat and Miles is an anomaly”

“Most of the spiders here were recruited at their lowest points in life. You have manipulated everyone, admit it. You are forcing a narrative to achieve your assets.” His eyes shine bright with crimson anger. He wants to scream at you so bad, you know.

“Calm down, y/n… please” Jess tries to soothe the rising tension but it doesn’t work. When you look around, there’s already a lot of people, all ready to jump and attack in case of need.

“I will never stay quiet again. And to be a mother, Jess, neither you should” She lowers her gaze. You feel a little shame for her, as a grown woman who can’t seem to be able not listen to Miguel for once.

“You need to comprehend this isn’t entirely about you. This is about Miles and your constant travels causing a major disturbance in canon” Jess explains coldly, which makes you even more enraged.

“Yes, and we can save everyone. You don’t know how I’ve seen canon without the gizmo and the premonitory models” Your heart beats faster than ever, and you swear you are passing the edge of stability before collapsing into a panic attack.

“Not always we can save everyone” Peter B. Parker reminds you.

“Peter, please. Please understand me, out of everyone… I know you understand me” the man sighs, and you stare at her daughter. Peter knows it, he looks down at Mayday and knows you have a point.

“The Spot is going to destroy everything…” you almost whisper to one of your old closest friends. You have hope, that you’ll remind him. He looks at you deeply, before turning away, breaking your heart a little.

“I’m sorry, y/n. But you need to stay here” You feel Miguel’s giant hand on your shoulder, so you quickly turn, moving away, standing beside Miles. Miguel shows you he has no other intentions with his hands, he wants oh so desperately to make you understand his point, but he is blind to see or hear yours.

So in the blink of an eye, Miles and you have an obstructed view, reddish and glitchy. Both realize you have been caged, and stare at each other in panic.

Gwen and Peter jump to argue with Miguel, questioning why he had to do that.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” you whisper to Miles, who starts panicking. Hobie gets closer and you elbow Miles to see what he wants.

“Oi oi, Peter Pan. Use the hands…” you turn away, encountering Miguel, who also stares back at you.

“I hate you…” you spit with anger towards him.

“I never wanted any of this to happen, but It’s the best for our canons, only you could potentially destroy The Spot” you frown.

“Ours?…” he stays silent.

“Yes. And I’m sorry, kid” he adds, walking away with Gwen and Peter still at him complaining for caging you and Miles.

“Stop calling me that”

Your head spins, and you hear Jess, Hobie, Gwen, and Miguel speaking at the same time. But Miles has a plan, he gives you a quick look and you get it.

Smart boy.

So you nod, giving him a reassuring smile.

The electricity that envelopes his hands soon invades and infects the cage. The adrenaline keeps building up in your system. Your eyes slowly start to glow as you prepare for the impact.

Boom. The silence is scary.

Miles looks at you when you both are free from the cage.

It’ll be dangerous, very risky. But you got this

You look at how everyone starts moving after the impact. Your eyes lock with Miguel’s, and he knows you will follow the kid. And he can’t lose you again.

Don’t stop running, Miles” you tell him, he nods.

“MILES!, Y/N!” Miguel yells as soon he sees you bolt with the kid.

Time passes so fast, you don’t have time to breathe. You can’t hear what Gwen, Jess, Peter, and other spiders are trying to tell you to stay put.

“You need to hear, y/n” Peter yells. But you ignore them, and you keep running. Miles took his own route, and you realized many spiders were going after you and the teenager, you knew Miles had a plan.

“Y/n, please!” Gwen begs you, watching how you shoot a web to swing away.

As you slide through the buildings with your webs, your senses alert you. When you look back, as the wind messes with your hair and a few ones stick in your forehead, you get startled. Miguel is coming for you.

He looks incredibly intimidating, his pace is ridiculously faster than anything you have seen before.

“Shoot” you mumble before returning to keep running away. You spot Miles again, which makes you quicken your pace.

You can feel Miguel behind you, only increasing your heartbeats. There are so many things you wish you could say. So many things he could’ve done, but you remember he never loved you.

Jess can get by your side, she throws a sharp kick that you dodge successfully. But she doesn’t give up, she punches your ribs and you can tell she didn’t mean to actually hurt you, but she’s doing everything to stop you from running. Thankfully Miles gets in the way and is more than enough to give you the advantage.

Once you realize you are in an imaginary railroad that keeps going up and up, you fear the height, but seeing all the people you once considered family coming at you as if you were the biggest atomic danger, makes you want to go back in time. Being a Spiderwoman was a responsibility that you wished it never came.

“You have to stop!” You feel a hand grabbing you by the arm, and the next thing is your body getting stamped against the surface. You open your eyes to see Miguel, his mask disappears and you are only able to get a big breath under the strong gaze of his mahogany eyes.

“You won’t try to manhandle my life. You already did it once” you spit, trying to squirm away from his giant hand holding you still.

“There’s a reason…” he yells with desperation since Miles could break his webs at any second.

“WHAT IS IT THEN?” You yell back. You are tired of their secrets and claiming it was for the best but avoiding sharing the truth.

“Y/n…” Miguel is pleading, he is fighting so hard the urge to explode in anger. Just for you, he needs to keep it together.

“JUST SAY IT, MIGUEL!”

“I JUST CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!” His forehead brushes yours and it weakens your heart. The physical contact is sudden but feels so right. You sigh, feeling his warmth.

You know what is right and what is wrong. You eye Miles who looks at you with fear. You will not deny you still love the man in front of you. So you embrace your free hand with his cheek. He melts into your touch, savoring the moment you lean forward, whispering into his ear.

“My feelings for you haven’t changed. But you never got me back, Miguel” you reveal, caging him with your most potent webs, putting on your mask, breaking free from his touch.

Miles nods at you, to which you only reply with a little smile. You will help him, you can feel it’s what is correct. And under a Quick Look at Miguel who seems shocked by your actions, you let yourself fall.

The prolonged free fall feels like you can breathe again, you have decided, not them. Perhaps you did not know what was that thing that everyone kept debating whether to tell you or not.

The Spiderman of 2099 doesn’t think twice. He immediately goes after you and the kid who almost deactivated his suit. Miguel is confident that he’s doing things right. He can’t risk losing more people. And he can’t risk a possible future with you. It sounded selfish, but Miguel swore to never break canon again, and it was demanding him to be happy with a partner, he couldn’t say no. Even if he was forcing it the wrong way.

Perhaps your heart still lounged to beat in the signature tune with Miguel. But one thing was for sure, you would help Miles. Even when you realized he was sent to earth-42, that you were back in New York of 1610, you would keep the promise of helping him. The Spot was about to danger everyone, but you had to try. You remember all the broken promises, the deceptions and you realize you have to keep going. Letting behind what your heart desired. Miles had to forge his own destiny, and in that way, you would forge yours too.

_____________________________

I’m so excited for my next Miguel writing. I’m mixing both option I gave in my last poll and it’s gonna be bff to lovers.

Two years ago I had a crash (I still can’t drive), last year I got The Eras Tour concert tickets and today I was notified that my associates degree has been posted.

[livehorses]

The Spot and Disability

It's very interesting to me how ATSV told Spot's story. At a start he's handled as a joke in the movie. Even Miles and the audience with him laughed at the new villain in his introduction. I was personally disgusted when the bread goes across him. Also, the guy isn't good at being bad and stealing an ATM, so he can be considered as a joke.

But it's hard to admit that we as an audience, and Miles did wrong laughing at his face about his new condition. We often mock him when it comes to the bagel joke, but he clearly suffered a lot, and lost it all after the accident. He was being mocked, rejected by everyone, even by his own friends and relatives. He evidently couldn't do anything without any of his holes getting in the way (which is the thing that makes him disabled), he lost his job and was forced to do illegal stuff in order to survive. That left an irreparable emotional damage that shaped him permanently. These are actual motivations for a person to take the wrong path, and even more when you discover you have a power that could give you some advantage over the others.

All of his story is clearly similar to what many disabled people live on a daily basis. "Unfortunately for me and you, this is skin." Sounds familiar? Reminds me of people that have vitiligo, which isn't exactly an illness and it isn't contagious, but common people think it is, and they fear, avoid and reject anyone who has it. Even in these modern days, where society supposedly is for everyone and everyone matters, disabled people are still rejected and disrespected, victims of bullying, mockery and exclusion. They don't get a chance to adapt to this world, not meant for them, and they miss so many opportunities of having a job, to form a family and go places adapted to their unique conditions. This world still needs to educate its people on respecting the disabled. That doesn't mean that disabled people are doomed to become villains, no! That would expand more the prejudices towards them. But what most of Marvel villains, and more, Spider-Man villains, have in common is having an accident that left them disabled: Flint falling on a sand dispenser, Max on a pool of eels, affecting their entire lives. (Not to mention that Doctor Connors was already disabled when he recurred to a not so ethic way to recover his arm, turning him into a lizard-like humanoid)

And yeah, every Spider-Man has a similar (canon) event, they're bitten by a radioactive spider. But rather to turn them onto something horrible, they hit the jackpot instead isn't it? They get attractively buffed, they get cool super powers, they become popular and loved by most people. But the others are treated as villains, and it's true, Spider-Man has to combat crime, and in the end, he shows mercy towards them. But in the end, most of the time their condition is treated as menacing and villanious. That's why No Way Home, brings a fresh vision on helping the villains to get cured or at least treated. (Although, that's not always realistically possible for disabled people, and most of them don't need to be cured or treated like their condition is bad for them)

But the movie leaves it clear it was a mistake to not take Spot's situation seriously. The man might've taken it chill at a start, but the more he was mistreated, the more he got resentful especially with Miles, wrongly considering him the source of all his disgraces, and more when the Super-Hero laughed at him. His power grew at the same time as his anger, and by the end of the movie, Miles admits it, he's his nemesis, they're mutual enemies now, and he's dangerous. If Spot was treated better from the start, with dignity and if he was given a second opportunity, support and optimum laboral conditions, maybe Spot would be now an ally.

How wrong we were, by taking him for granted...

[tongue-like-a-razor]

May I request college and hangman.

I’ve been trapped in my dorm for two days due to weather. My brain is melting.

Oh no!! I hope you're able to escape before cabin fever sets in!

So, I don't know what happened here but this mini drabble kinda got away from me hehe Back when I was in college, I, for some reason, romanticized long distance relationships because of all the angst and feelings involved. Then I got into a long distance relationship and it was HARD seeing all the happy couples and wishing my SO was around to cuddle with. The reunions were intense which was great and it worked out in the end but, overall, do not recommend lol Anyway..enjoy! Also, I figure this drabble is long enough to warrant a gif.

3k Celebration Mini Drabbles

He just shows up. Out of the blue, unannounced, wearing a suede jacket and faded blue jeans and a patronizing expression on his face. His dog tags catch the light filtering through the dome of the rotunda.

“I don’t know what you’re doing here,” you say without so much as stopping as you pass him. “But this is a bad idea.”

“You weren’t returning my calls,” he says, falling into step with you as you rush across campus to get to your next class.

“I’m in college,” you respond curtly. “I’m busy.”

He steps into your path. “I’m in the Navy,” he says, as if you need the reminder. “I’m busy too. But I came all the way out here, so the least you could do is talk to me.”

“You’re going to make me late.” You try to walk around him, but he holds out a hand, pressing it gently into your abdomen. You sigh, trying to ignore the way your stomach lurches at his touch.

“I miss you,” he whispers, his fingers contracting on your waist, scrunching the material of your shirt.

The words bring up a whole slew of emotions you’ve been actively repressing for months. “We had a deal,” you remind him, suddenly breathless. “No strings.”

He nods, but his hand is pulling you closer.

“You’re stationed three thousand miles away,” you reason as he tugs you toward him, as he rests his other hand on your hip. “And I won’t be back in San Diego till next summer,” you continue in this vein although you’re not even buying your own bullshit. The actual source of your resentment stems from something entirely unrelated to geography.

“I can wait.”

“Right,” you scoff, shaking your head. “Like you waited two whole days after I left before hooking up with half of the new recruits?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw the photos,” you say, pushing his hands away from your body.

“Nobody hooked up with anybody,” he says tersely. “That’s what this is about?”

“This is about me needing to bust my ass this year so that I can get into grad school and you not distracting me in the process.”

“Y/N,” he says. “I promise you, I didn’t hook up with anybody.”

“Must’ve been tough for you.”

He gives you a hard look. “Not really.”

You exhale sharply, doing your best to avoid his gaze. Wooing women is second nature for Jake, so you’re not really falling for his act. “I’ve got class, Jake,” you say, brushing past him. You’re halfway to the door when he speaks again.

“I’m being deployed.”

The words hit you like a ton of bricks and you freeze, glancing back at him in alarm. “Where?”

Several passing students eye the two of you curiously as you speak to one another across the hall. “I can’t say,” he responds, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

You bring a hand up to your mouth as your eyes fill with tears. “For how long?”

“Six months.”

You close your eyes, mentally preparing yourself for spending the next six months worrying about never seeing Jake Seresin again. Perhaps not even the following summer when you return to San Diego to visit your aunt.

“I’m going to come back, Y/N,” he says, although you detect a hint of uncertainty in his tone. “I want to come back to you.”

You blink at him through your tears, swallowing anxiously before walking right back to him and throwing your arms around his neck. “You better fucking come back to me, Jake Seresin.”

He brings his arms around you, holding you tightly against his chest. He sighs and chuckles into your hair. “You got it, sweetheart.”

3k celebration

[tgandc]

things i’ve learned in 14 years of ed life and need to remind myself every once and awhile: (really it’s been almost 18, but the most severe years were between the ages of 14-28)

1. don’t set a date to lose weight by. you’ll sabotage yourself. instead, set a goal weight, and a plan to meet that goal, and give yourself time to meet it.

2. don’t punish yourself for slipping and eating. you’re human. you need food to survive. you’re starving yourself. you’re going to break your fast one day. or “forget” you’re restricting one day because you saw something that looked sooo damn good and you ate it without even realizing. you’re going to go over your calorie limit once and awhile. you’re going to binge. it’s inevitable.

3. learn how to curb the binges. just cause you start, doesn’t mean it’s too late to stop. if you eat 100 calories, don’t turn it into 1000. you can burn off the extra 100-500cals way easier than 5000.

4. learn your triggers. avoid them.

5. just exercising doesn’t work well. just starving yourself doesn’t work well. you need to restrict AND work out. seriously. the results are in and i just lost 35lbs in 3 months. like my drs MA that weighed me saw the red line and exclamation mark that i’d lost 20% of my body weight in 3 months and she flipped out. my weight loss has slowed a little the last 2-3 weeks and it’s 100% because i stopped exercising as much when school started. i usually walk 3 miles every morning on the track after i drop my son off at daycare. it’s my lifeline. if i don’t walk the track every morning now i get super pissy, shit gets bad, and i either gain weight or plateau. restricting and working out work wayyyy better if you do them together.

6. drink water! i know everyone says this. but everyone says this for a reason. it keeps your tummy full so you eat less food, it helps flush everything out, it helps keep your digestive system running, it helps keep your face clear, it helps keep the headaches down, it helps you lose weight… water is just super good for you and you should drink it. but don’t drink too much. if you dilute your body too much, you can kill yourself. literally. if you drink too much water (e.g. 2-3 gallons in under an hour) you’ll die. so don’t drink that much. but, ya know… a gallon, or a gallon and a half spread out over a day is good.

7. allow yourself a treat every once and awhile. not a binge. not an unhealthy treat. it doesn’t even have to be a food treat. but give in once and awhile. get your nails done, take a fun class, make something, draw something, have an ice cream cone. do give yourself the opportunity to indulge in something. or else you become bitter and resentful.

8. once a week, up your calories by at least 200-500. it’ll kickstart your metabolism and you’ll lose weight faster. just don’t keep up the higher calorie count for more than ONE DAY or you’ll start gaining again. but one of those days every couple weeks is great to avoid a plateau.

9. when your clothes start getting really baggy, buy a smaller size. there’s nothing quite as rewarding as going from a large to a small. i just made the switch a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.

10. feel your b0ne3. rub your hands over your r1b3, your h1pb0n3s, your c0llarb0n3s look at your thigh gap.. get on tumblr, look at th1nsp0, it’ll keep you motivated.

11. take lots of pictures. it’s great to look back and see the progression from fat and gross to being skinny and beautiful 🥰

12. stay safe ♥️

all pics in this post are me ☺️

[voltronisanobsession]

This is more of an idea for you to do or not but

Imagine being the spider that belongs to the universe that Miguel destroyed

I don't know, I just thought " damn that's sad"(if the spider still alive)

Being the Spider from the Universe Miguel Destroyed

Oooo I’ve never really thought about this before😳😳 I’ll answer this because I’m genuinely interested OOOOO!!!!

This spider would quite literally have nothing left to lose

Bitterness and resentment are the first words that came to mind when I first read this LMAO💀

Reader being the spider who survived the destruction of their universe will never recover tbh

I can’t imagine being the spider person from the universe Miguel destroyed because the amount of RESENTMENT they would have against Miguel😦

Bitterness because you know you’ll never be able to go back to your old life, you’ll never be able to reverse time to save your people, your friends, your family

And absolute resentment towards Miguel for destroying everything you loved and cared for

You had no idea that Miguel was in your universe until everything started going wrong, until he finally revealed himself as the virus in your universe

By then it was too late

You had to watch civilians you passed everyday disappear and vanish right before your eyes

You had to watch as the buildings around you glitched and faded to nothing

Had to watch in shock as the Spiderman (you found out was Miguel) stood still as a young girl vanished from his arms

You had to feel the way your body felt like it was almost tearing itself apart, watching in horror as your hands glitched in front of you

Everything in that moment was futile and helpless for you

You were in pain, only for another Spiderman to slap a mechanical bracelet on your wrist and shove you into a strange portal

The last thing you remember from your universe was the darkness that began spreading throughout your city

Once in the safety of a beautiful, futuristic world did you find out why everything you’ve ever known was gone forever

You broke down in grief, fear, and anger, immediately attacking the man that destroyed your entire world

And the surprising thing is that Miguel took all your hits

He did not once fight back, allowing you to take out all your tears and rage on him until there was nothing

Earth 928 (Miggy’s universe) was a place you were forced to call home from now on

But knowing that you would never be able to go back to the one world where you truly belonged in broke you

Broke you down from a confident and strong person to a shell of who you once were

From then on, you were known as the lone survivor of a collapsed universe

A surviving reminder of what the spider society stood to protect

I think Miguel wouldn’t move on from that event because not only did he fail to protect his daughter twice, but because you were a constant reminder of what breaking the canon could lead to

You were a constant reminder of his greatest failure, one that would never go away as long as the memories and you existed

I also think this would mean that spider reader would be a strong advocate for keeping the multiverse safe

You know what destruction breaking the canon will bring, so it’s obvious that you were never going to be a fan of Miles Morales, unfortunately 💔

If and when reader meets Miles, they will be very aggressive with him since they believe he is on a road to multiverse destruction, being an anomaly

As much as the Spider Society welcomed you, you never truly felt like you belonged

Which was true since now you literally belonged nowhere (sorry I had to💀💀)

Having no one to go back home to made you one of the more reckless and aggressive spider people since you having nothing left to lose

The only spider people you really hung around with was Peter B. And Jess while actively avoiding Miguel

You appear very cold towards the younger spiders, Gwen and Pavitr somewhat scared of your constant seriousness in the society

Hobie would still pick fun at you during meetings but would lay off on any comments regarding the multiverse around you

You have an unknown soft spot of Mayday💔

She just manages to break you away from the constant doom and gloom you experience on a daily basis

Her innocent smile might give you another reason to continue protecting the multiverse

To protect the innocent lives that deserve to live

Ending this, reader wouldn’t forgive Miguel for destroying their universe but will help the cause of the spider society in protecting the multiverse

Still traumatized from the event, they will do anything to ensure that no other universe succumbs to helpless destruction (cue the batman stance)

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now - ch. 18

Fic masterlist

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Warnings: very light nsfw?

Words: 2,6k

“Do my boobs look too big in this?”

Aelin snapped her head back to Lysandra, that question unexpected given the birthday party they were in. She was pretty sure her friend was only being that vocal because they were alone at the table, the kids letting loose nearby with the entertainer. “What?”

Lys showed her phone—the photoshop app, to be more precise—and insisted, “Do my boobs still look freakish?”

She rolled her eyes and analyzed the picture, zooming in Lys’ boobs. Lysandra Ennar, the only person Aelin knew that made her breasts look smaller with photoshop. “They look amazing, just as they do in person. Remind me why you use those apps again?”

“Aelin Galathynius, this is a judgment-free zone,” she chastised in a low tone, the poorly-concealed crinkle in her eyes giving away that her offense was nothing but a joke. “This is an illusion, just like that pink bikini you bought with me.”

She took a sip of her milkshake, squinting her eyes at Lys. That bikini did work as a real-life photoshop, pushing up what needed to be pushed up and hugging her body like it had been made exclusively for her body. Too bad Rowan was too busy ignoring her to notice.

“Leave the pink bikini out of it.”

“Fine.” Lysandra blocked her phone and left it with the screen facing the table. “But will you ever tell me what happened on that trip?”

“Nothing happened on the trip,” Aelin lied.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t,” Aelin said before busying her mouth with chocolate milkshake.

Lysandra gasped. “Did you guys do it?”

Aelin wrinkled her nose, disappointed with herself. “No.”

“Boo!” Her friend leaned back on her chair, wearing a vacant stare. “Don’t you miss it when people were just like, ‘Hey, wanna do it or not?’ and that was it?“

Aelin choked on her milkshake. “Are you talking about college?”

“What? No!” Lys chuckled, her eyes filled with mirth. “Like, thousands of years ago when everyone was gay and poly, and people drew themselves having big orgies in vases or something.”

Aelin threw her head back, laughing. “I think they were drawing because they didn’t have cameras, Lys.”

“Still.” Her friend’s eyes narrowed, not happy to have her theory debunked. “I doubt that Ancient Aelin would be in the same situation you’re now.”

She waved Lysandra off, mostly because a godsend server approached their table with more fries and mini hot-dogs. The amount of food at children’s parties made her resent adult ones a little. When did people decide that a bunch of different cheese is proper food?

She posted the picture after Lysandra edited it completely, but her mind was going a mile a minute.

Maybe Aelin should channel Ancient Aelin.

Not literally, but after so much talking and waiting and looking for clues, maybe she should just drop a blunt question and see how much of her relationship with Rowan was salvageable. If all that waiting was leaving them somewhere or not.

And after Aelin decided to put an end to this blind anticipation, it was like nothing existed besides her goal. Every person there wasn’t Rowan, the one she needed to talk to. Every stretch of time was too long before she found him. The space between this venue and his house felt twice as long.

“You’re antsy,” Lysandra said without taking her eyes off the phone.

“I’m watching the kids.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Aelin frowned, her food tapping. “There’s this thing I have to do. Do you mind watching Maisie? I can pick her up at your place. Or you drop her at mine. I’ll owe you this one.”

Lysandra raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you making me babysit to get laid?”

“No.” Aelin felt her cheeks heating. It wasn’t a lie because she had no guarantee of getting laid, but it was part of her intention.

“Pity.” Lys picked on her nails, a nonchalant expression on her face. “Because Maisie’s a little terror, I’m only watching her for a good reason.”

“Fine,” she said through clenched teeth, resigned. “I need to see Rowan, but I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. Happy?”

“Very.” Her smile was nothing short of devilish. “Auntie Lys is happy to take over.”

˜˜

Turns out Maisie wasn’t excited about that. Instead, she decided to come with Aelin.

“We should play freeze tag,” her little girl said at the same time her phone pinged.

Aedion: who’s the chick you posted a pic with

“Not now, honey. What about some TV, and we play freeze tag later?” She suggested while typing.

Aelin: wouldn’t you like to know

Aedion: tell me

“No!” Maisie shouted inside the car. “The TV is there forever, I want to play with you and Daddy.”

Aelin held back a flinch. Even if their family was a lot closer these days, they still had separate lives. Playing all three together was a frequent occurrence now, but not enough for Maisie to discard the opportunity.

This was one of the things she was hoping to change today.

“What about the drums, Mais?”

She typed while waiting for her daughter’s response.

Aelin: she’s my soccer mom bestie

Aelin: we bond over motherhood and my cursed love life

“I do like my drums,” Maisie agreed in that stubborn way of hers, making Aelin fist pump inside her mind when her phone pinged again.

Aedion: can her husband fight

She snorted, affectionately rolling her eyes before opening Rowan’s garden gate. She wouldn’t give Aedion the satisfaction of knowing that her friend’s a single mom, especially since Lys is too good for her manwhore cousin.

After setting Maisie in the garage and making sure she was safe there, Aelin rounded the house towards the backyard and knocked on the kitchen’s back door.

It was an odd sight. Rowan’s kitchen was a mess, his sink overflowing with dirty dishes while the utensils were scrambled over the counter, looking no better than Maisie’s play kitchen. He was already leaving through the other door when he turned around and let her in.

“Hey.“ Rowan gave her a small smile. ”I heard Maisie’s drums and thought it was a ghost. The party’s over already?”

Indeed, the kid’s drums were loud and clear two rooms over. She wondered why Rowan’s parents bought the chaotic ones instead of the ones with headphones.

Aelin shook her head. Not the time to think about drums.

She took a step deeper inside the kitchen heart thrumming as his expectant eyes watched her.

“We need to talk.”

“We do,” he said before taking off his apron and hanging it near him, his movements stiff. “Do you want me to start?”

“I’ll do it.” She tapped the side of her head. “I’m ready.”

When she said it, Aelin didn’t know she was, in fact, not ready.

She watched his open—if not a little uneasy—face, recalling some rules of non-violent communication inside her head. They hadn’t needed to strictly follow it in a while, but Aelin didn’t want to risk it. She wasn’t above making a scandal, but she wanted to show Rowan that he didn’t need to hide. No matter what happened, they could still be civil. No need to run away from her or shout.

She opened her mouth, but the words didn’t come. Step 1: communicate everything that happened without blaming your partner. Since this conversation was a last-minute decision, she didn’t know how to explain everything that was happening, or even what part of the last six years to explain. She didn’t want to say a huge monologue and overwhelm his brain either.

Then she thought of step two. Telling how she felt.

Ever since they met? That whole bloody emotion wheel.

Rowan hadn’t said a word while she struggled to articulate hers, and the way he was struggling to not let her know he was struggling made her mind race even more. His face would look neutral, if it wasn’t for that mildly-veiled worry in his eyes, his lips pinched. His body would look composed, if it wasn’t for that tension in his shoulders, or the way he discreetly fiddled with his fingers, his feet silently jiggling.

Aelin cleared her throat. “I know this goes against what we learned in therapy about healthy relationships, and respecting your partner’s autonomy, and…” she trailed, then stopped and squared her shoulders. Her eyes were determined and intent on him. “I know you can do whatever you want. But, in this conversation, I’m not giving you an option where you don’t end up with me. Together. Romantically, to be loud and clear.”

Rowan blinked. One, two, too many times for her poor, agitated heart. Then he took a step back while letting out something that was between a shaky smile and a wheezy puff of breath… and gave his back to her.

Aelin’s limbs slackened as she watched him open an oven and retrieve a cake. Without even properly rejecting her.

She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, her heart aching from the weight of his rejection. All that effort, her blunt declaration. It was all in vain.

After placing the half-decorated chocolate cake—he never baked those. What’s going on?—in the counter, he ran to the living room and came back with a bouquet so big Aelin could barely see his face behind it. Kingsflower was the main feature of the bouquet.

Aelin took a step back, feeling like she's lost control of her own jaw. Her favorite cake and her favorite flowers.

Rowan tried to fix some edges of the unfinished chocolate frosting with a butter knife. Frowning at his incomplete work, he asked, “Have you ever felt like it’d be easier to die for someone than to hire a band and perform a cheesy love song for them?”

Her chuckle was watery, a little confused. “Why would you do that?”

“The whole story is a bit long, but I brainstormed a very extensive list with ways to convince you to be with me. Together. Romantically, to be loud and clear,” he replicated the last part of her inarticulate speech around a sheepish smile.

Aelin flung herself at him, her arms squeezing his middle and her forehead leaning against his collarbone when she whispered, “You never lost me, Rowan.”

“Yes, I did, and it was my fault.” His tone was just as low as he caressed Aelin’s hair against him. “I hurt you. I wasn’t there for you. I lost you.” His voice broke in the last sentence, his eyes glossy. ”I lost half of Maisie’s days too.”

“It’s on me, too.” Aelin stroked his cheek, small but reassuring. “There’s so many things I wish I’d done differently back then, but—“

“You can’t do the right choices when you’re not in the right state of mind,” Rowan quoted their therapist.

She gave him a weak smile. “Exactly.” She whispered, “I’m so sorry. For the delay, for every angry phone call, for—“

“Shh.” Rowan tangled his fingers on the back of her head, tilting her face to his as his gaze roamed over her face, searching. “I’m sorry too.”

Aelin licked her parted lips, eyes intent on Rowan’s as she felt her body temperature rise. He dipped his head, closing the distance—

“MOMMY!” Maisie screamed, shooting through the hallway as fast as a bullet. “GOTTA POO.”

Aelin startled, detangling herself from Rowan on instinct.

“Okay, honey,” she shouted, despite her breathlessness, after her daughter went to the bathroom that was right next to the kitchen. “Tell me when you’re done,”

Aelin laid her eyes on Rowan’s lips, distracted with the way his tongue licked them, and mumbled, “We must have from two to five minutes until she finishes.”

His lips closed to accommodate his snort. “Are you sure you want more kids?”

She swapped his chest, then left her hands there. God, those were nice to grope. “You’re not funny.”

“Not my strong suit, indeed.”

Without warning, Rowan pulled her face toward his, stopping for a second when the tip of their noses brushed to give her time to pull back. None of that. Aelin slid her hand to the back of his hair and pressed their lips together.

It was absolute heaven.

She opened up for him, letting his tongue in as he touched her face and hair with tender caresses. Aelin was already melting into his touch, but when she pushed her full body against his and grabbed a chunk of his hair, the mood shifted. Now, the way Rowan’s tongue massaged Aelin’s was as sinful as the way she pressed her full body against his.

Tasting her mouth like it was his, Rowan held her waist and hips like they were his lifeline. She took it was a cue to press herself against him until she left his cock bulging behind his pants, the friction making him hiss.

Rowan nipped her neck in retaliation, until it became a full ministration against her pulse point. Her moan against his ear was low, but enough to make him squeeze her waist harder. Aelin squirmed against him—

“Mom?” Maisie called from the bathroom.

Aelin took a step back, thanking Mala that Rowan looked a little amused by it, instead of annoyed like any other man would. “You done?” she shouted in Maisie’s direction.

“No.” A pause. “Have you ever had a clogged butt?”

Aelin grimaced. Not her favorite conversation topic while making out with her baby daddy for the first time in years. “Every now and then, Mais. Must run in the family, huh?”

“This sucks!”

“It never happens to me!” Rowan cut in. “My poop moves like my stomach’s a water slide because I eat green stuff that aren’t M&M’s.”

Her dad’s snark made Maisie groan. Loudly. Like a tiny teenager. “MOM! I need to unclog my butt.”

Aelin’s sigh against Rowan’s chest quickly became a chuckle. “I’ll be right back.”

He gave her a small kiss. “Go.”

~~

“And when she left the house to meet the prince—“

“No!” Maisie shouted, interrupting her bedtime story. She was dragging her eyelids open, clearly struggling to stay awake. “She’ll meet with the witch.”

Aelin frowned. “Honey, the witch is evil. We have to run away from her, remember?”

She leaned on her elbow. “But the evil witch deserves love, too.”

“Fine,” Aelin said while Rowan put Maisie back into a sleeping position. He was never good at coming up with stories, so he just sat by their daughter’s bed while Aelin struggled to think of a tale Maisie liked. “And when she left the house to—“

“But why does she want to live with the prince? Her dad is nice.”

Aelin gave a strained smile, her patience wearing thin. “Because that’s what happens when you grow up, love. At some point, you’ll want to move out—“

“No.” Maisie crossed her arms, pouting. “We’ll live together forever, and travel together to all the places, because we’re friends and we love each other.”

That was enough to melt Aelin’s impatience. She grinned, pecking all over Maisie’s face and laying next to her in her bed. Rowan’s eyes were crinkled with joy next to them, but Aelin’s only focus was on making Maisie sleep.

“Okay, Maisy Daisy. You’re right about that.” Aelin caressed the girl’s pale blonde hair, not caring to explain that her opinion would change the second she became a teenager. Maisie started to let herself drift because of Aelin’s cuddles, they hugged until it was sure the little girl wouldn’t wake up anymore.

Aelin got up and rounded the bed until she was next to Rowan. She lightly scraped her nails against his shoulders and neck, making him shiver, and whispered, “Come on.”

Their day consisted of freeze tag, family meals, and clandestine kisses when Maisie couldn’t see. They would tell her when it felt right.

Rowan took a last peak at Maisie and adjusted her night lights, before sending Aelin a heated look that told her it was time to move to another bedroom.

When they stepped out of Maisie’s room and were out of earshot, Rowan threw Aelin against the hallway wall and captured her lips with his.

A/N: my main plot line ends here and now I’m just stretching things with lots of fluff and minor conflict just to keep things going. I’m emotional.

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[y-rhywbeth2]

Lore: Baldur's Gate #2

Demographics of the Western Heartlands

Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. There's a lot of lore; I don't know everything. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest]

The City | Demographics | Law & Legal System | Administration & Government | ??? - WIP

A sort of overview of how people fit into the region. When I say "Baldur's Gate is a human city" I am not overexaggerating.

So: detailing the five main human groups of the region: the elves would rather stay in Evereska, thanks; the half-elves would rather not stay in Evereska: the halflings are cheerfully exploiting the local adventurers; the gnomes mind their own business; the dwarves have a local history that's just the world hitting them with sticks; and for some reason the Hells have it out for the Western Heartlands, and tieflings are resented for being a reminder. (And the occasional half-orc and dragonborn is there too, I guess.)

-

While the exact percentages may have shifted up or down somewhat over the course of events at the end of the Era of Upheaval and so on, they're still a pretty solid idea of what to expect from the Western Heartlands, and thus Baldur's Gate as the largest population centre (it's also where the most diversity is, being the only major port city for miles).

The breakdown is:

78% Human 7% Elven 4% Half-elven 3% Halfling 2% Gnome 1% Dwarf 1% "Other" [Tiefling, Half-orc, Dragonborn]

-

So 78% of the entire population of the Western Heartlands is human; consisting mostly of five ethnic groups. These groups being defined by their shared inherited cultural norms and genetics across Faerûn. Chondathan culture heavily shapes Baldur's Gate.

80% of these humans are Tethyrian [melting pot of cultures and genetics, predominantly Calishite and Chondathan by ancestry. By average: brown skin; black hair; blue eyes (northern) or brown eyes (southern). Their primary ancestors were the native people of the lands that became Tethyr and Calmishan. The further north you go the more Netherese and Illuskan genes enter the pool, and lighter skin and blue eyes becomes more common. In the Western Heartlands - they mostly follow Chondathan cultural norms. They have a history of being colonised and enslaved (largely by Calimshan), value freedom and community above all else; slavery is the pinnacle of evil. They have a strong bardic tradition due to relying on oral lore and song to keep their histories and what remains of their distinct culture alive (the majority of their cultural norms will be determined by the dominant culture they've mixed with). The average Tethyrian is raised to mistrust authorities with more jurisdiction than a city state (kingdoms and empires = bad). -

10% are Calishite [dark brown skin; black hair; dark brown eyes. Tend to be short. Due to genie ancestry, most genasi are Calishite]. The percentage is probably higher in the 15th century, due to a wave of refugees. The ancestors of the Calishites were slaves of genies who came to Toril, set up their empires, annoyed the local elves and got wiped off the map and left the humans to inherit their master's empire. Calimshan is one of the oldest human empires still standing, and they're very proud of this fact. They value reputation above all else (personal and family, both highly interconnected) which is basically a form of social currency. Very strict social divides: Class matters, traditionally they're patriarchal and gender roles are strict, marriage is important and the father determines social class (only women may marry "above their station"). In recent history, a return of the ruling djinn and efreeti led to a lot of war and destruction in Calimshan, sending a wave of refugees into the world. Most of those refugees live seperate from the main city in "Little Calimshan" in the Outer City. Said war has recently ended, due to the actions of a Chosen of Ilmater, and many Calishites in Baldur's Gate are considering returning home (especially because there is considerable friction between the refugees and the locals). Sorcery is a common occurance, and Calishites have a strong arcane and divine tradition. -

5% are Chondathan ["tawny" brown skin; light brown to black hair; brown or green eyes. Tend to be tall]. Their ancestors started off as warriors, whose many wars led to them destroying an elven city and a retaliatory tidal wave that eventually led them to discover that trade worked better for them (this did not stop them pissing off elves everywhere they went), they did such a good job that they dominated Central Faerûn through mercentile skill, and Chondathan culture (i.e. language, the Thorass alphabet and such) is a major influence pretty much all over Faerûn. Typically Chondathans have adapted quickly and peaceful to the norms and laws of other peoples, and a Baldurian, Cormyrian and a Sembian will not be perfectly interchangable. Still they will often have shared values: Violence is tacky and counterproductive. a reputation for honesty is paramount and breaking your word is taboo. Tend to be cat people, with a strong appreciation for tressyms. They value hard work, industry and admire wealth (which is power and evidence of a good work ethic). Social standing is determined by money and influence. Class divides don't tend to be rigid, and it's generally believed that hard work should open doors. You start work at 12 (apprenticeships) and if you're able bodied you will be shamed for "not pulling your weight". The elderly tend to hang around after retirement and tutor the next generation. They have little in the way of magical traditions, or interest in it. -

3% are Illuskan [pale skin; blonde, red or black hair; blue or grey eyes. Tend to be very tall]. Rarely found outside of the North (including the Sword Coast North, across the border), most Illuskan cultures are tribes and settlements on the frontiers. They value courage, battle prowess and survival and haven't been as successful in the larger world because they tend to prefer war and raids to trade. Larger civilisation hinders growth and encourages weakness and dependency, and is largely shunned. The rest of the world considers them "no better than orcs" and the Illuskans think the rest of the world are a bunch of cowards unworthy of respect. Not being able to be the warrior hero of some kind of epic tale (or being bold enough to aspire to be) is not necessarily a thing to be ashamed of that you will be mistreated for, but you won't be given any respect past basic courtesy either. Magic is not infrequent amongst Illuskans, due to Netherese ancestry, but it is mistrusted due to the history of the Arcane Brotherhood of Luskan, who are evil bastards. Religion is eh. Illuskans generally only have uses for gods who serve a practical purpose (so appeasing the gods of fury (such as Auril and Umberlee) and Tempus, god of war). -

1% consists of the Gur [brown skin; thick, straight black hair; dark brown eyes. Tend to be hirsute and short, but "stocky"] The ancestors of the Gur were Rashemi, a people they still strongly resemble, physically. The modern people feel no kinship with their distant kin though. They're mostly nomads, but some Gur can be found permanently settled in the slums of cities like Baldur's Gate and Elturel, where they're treated as subhuman. Their patron deity is Selûne: protector of travellers and outcasts, and a patron of diviners, which the Gur practice for protection and aid in navigation (as such they also worship Savras, god of truth and fate, patron god of divination). Amongst their own the Gur speak a unique dialect of Rashemi that no outsiders are privy to. There's not a lot on the Gur, but if they share any cultural norms with the Rashemi, it might be something like this: The Rashemi value personal skill/strength (in whatever form that takes) and achievements, and scorn the concept of inherited (unearned) titles and wealth. They also value the wellbeing of the land itself, to which they show respect. While they don't shun work, they don't live for it either; the youth are often found carousing loudly with their friends, and while the adults are expected to contribute to society, they also enjoy a good time. Children are subject to tests as they mature, and elders are afforded great respect for their experience and the challenges they have overcome in reaching their age. Interestingly, Rashemi expats also have a reputation for being "nuisances" outside of Rashemen: many struggle with culture shock, and the stereotype is that they will get drunk and wander around picking fights everywhere (the Rashemar norm of challenging others to help them and you improve comes across as aggression to outsiders). -

The remaining 1% is a mixture of the many, many, many different humans on Toril. This canonically includes one of Faerûn's only Maztican communities, consisting of the Nexala people living in Baldur's Gate (I think they drew inspiration from the Mexica?) and there appears to include a Kozakuran (Japanese fantasy counterpart) minority. TSR's decision to start creating fantasy world counterparts to real world cultures for "exotic" expansions is... hmm, contentious, and I don't know enough about the real world counterparts to know if I'm handling it well, so I'm not going further into that.

------

7% of the population of the Western Heartlands is elves, making up the largest non-human population of the region.

It's mostly moon elves [fair skin, often seen in literal white hues likened to alabaster and marble, with blue undertones; white, silver (like the metal, not grey) or black hair; eyes always flecked with gold] and then some wood elves [copper brown skin, tinged with green; blonde, red, brown or black hair; brown or green eyes. Metallic sheen to hair and skin.] Some sun elves returned to Faerûn in the mid-1300s [gold, bronze or amber skin; blonde, red or black hair; golden brown, green or black eyes. Metallic sheen to hair and skin.] (both moon elves and sun elves are categorised as "high elves", in BG3 mechanical parlance). Moon elves are individualistic and have a reputation for flightiness, thrill-seeking and hedonism. Sun elves are conservative, more observant of social hierarchies, have a strong cultural focus on magic (divine and arcane both) and extremely wary of humans due to historical conflict and human expansion into (now lost) elven lands. Wood elves are known for their open mindedness towards non-elves and many hope for elves to live fully amongst the non-elves one day, but due to their nature-oriented spirituality and way of life they rarely venture into human civilisation and are usually highly uncomfortable there. When compared to the percentages of other demihumans in the area, the elven population seems very high, though that 7% accounts for Evereska, the last major bastion of elven civilisation on Faerûn. Although apparently the elves are trying to rebuild Myth Drannor yet again, and good luck with making that stick. While elves do make up the largest non-human minority group in Baldur's Gate, the vast majority of that 7% traditionally remains in Evereska and refuses to leave their homeland's borders, and of those that leave it's almost entirely moon elves, who are the most likely to assimilate into human culture. A minority of wood elves might be able to get comfortable in cities. Your average sun elf, to whom preservation of elven culture is a sacred duty given by Corellon him/herself, would be horrified by the concept of assimilating into the N'Quess, and any that aren't are going to be under immense social pressure from their house/clan to come home and conform (especially because there's a chance that their family may view humans as dangerous). That said, the flightiness of youth can generally be forgiven (they'll grow out of it). Most encountered are young adventurers under 100 years old and semi-nomadic family groups of moon elves who wander between human settlements as their whims (and/or the mercantile work of their clan/house) takes them. Older elves are unlikely to be found in Baldur's Gate in high numbers, as the rapid, demanding pace of the metropolis clashes badly with the "take your time" philosophies and lifespan of elves. A few families of sun elves also established themselves in the minor human cities of Iriaebor and Berdusk, further South East, after returning from the Retreat.

- 4% of the population is half-elven, almost entirely of moon elven descent, and, on the human side, likely to be of Tethyrian ancestry.

It's likely most are found in human cities, even if they weren't already born there. The noble houses of Evereska have traditionally been extremely xenophobic (even the elven commoner clans were considered beneath them), and the only non-elves permitted entry for most of Evereska's existence have been Harpers: the opportunities for half-elves to be born within the realm have been fewer that otherwise. Human civilisations also saw an influx of half-elven immigration during the late 14th century - albeit most moved North - when the Spellplague caused Evereska and the Feywild to merge slightly, and an increase in xenophobic attitudes made many feel unwelcome.

- 3% is halfling, almost entirely lightfoot [very, very wide genetic pool. The hin have moved around enough that no features or colouration has become a norm for an entire geographic population.]

Lightfoot halflings - or hin, amongst themselves - are pretty much all over Faerûn, having made themselves comfortable and unobtrusive living alongside humans. They mostly assimilate into human cultures, though there is still a focus on clan and family. There is a small village in the region called Gullykin, which mostly keeps to itself and profits from its brewery (which also happens to be the temple of Yondalla). They also cheerfully make a side profit off of the frequent adventuring parties who use the village as a rest stop while exploring the nearby ruins (Durlag's Tower and the Firewine Ruins). The locals have no interest in the ruins themselves, considering Firewine particularly cursed, and pride themselves in being as peacefully boring as they possibly can.

- 2% consists of gnomes, almost entirely rock gnomes [brown skin; white hair; no information given on eye colour, although "glittering black" has been used as a descriptor.]

Gnomes prefer to stay well hidden, in secret villages scattered around the world and unseen by outsiders, but a minority are drawn to Baldur's Gate. Rock gnomes split their time and focus between their career (usually craft of some sort, and rock gnome working environments are known for their very relaxed, friendly atmospheres) and partying.

- 1% consists of dwarves, shield dwarves [pale to light brown skin; dark hair; blue eyes] and gold dwarves [light to dark brown skin with a reddish hue; black, grey or brown hair; brown or hazel eyes]. Exact numbers aren't given, but as, historically, the shield dwarves almost went extinct due to wars where the gold dwarven numbers reached such levels of overpopulation in the Great Rift during the Thunder Blessing of 1306 DR that many were forced to migrate in droves, I would assume that it's either, like, a 50/50 split, or the gold dwarven population is the higher one.

Gold dwarves put their success and survival down to adherence to dwarven ways of life and are staunch traditionalists, cleaving to family, clan and faith: Dwarven history being characterised by the loss of homeland after homeland, they are very keen to ensure that their way of life survives. They have a bad history with the various inhabitants of the Underdark (especially drow). Shield dwarves have been in the area the longest. They have lost many of their homelands in the North to orc invasions and the expansion of humanity in their subsequent weakened state. Those found in the Western Heartlands belong to a subdivision called the Wanderers; dwarves who after the loss of their ancestral homes took to a more nomadic life, making a living as mercenaries and crafters in the settlements of other races. Many may have non-dwarven ancestry, as shield dwarves started intermarrying to bolster their numbers due to wars and an infertility crisis rendering their population dangerously low - non-dwarven ancestry is mostly humans and gnomes, though some hin and elven blood can be found. The same traditions their gold dwarven kin hold to exist in shield dwarven culture, but due to the pressures of survival many traditions are looser or have fallen by the wayside. The most successful dwarves are presumably the Shattershield clan, who settled in Baldur's Gate at the time of the city's origin and became the Gate's sole non-human Patriar family. There have been attempts to create new homelands in the Western Heartlands, and all of them met with disaster. The town of Kanaglym, established in 722 DR eventually discovered that they'd accidentally found a portal to the Fugue Plane in the town well. The half-dwarven adventurer Daeros Dragonspear established Dragonspear Castle aboveground, over the town's location in 1255 DR, creating a safe haven for the dwarven people that was also guarded by Daeros' copper dragon companion Halatathlaer, who had a lair nearby. Then a mage, seeking the dwarves' wealth, decided to embark on a complicated plot, of which the most relevant step was opening a portal to Avernus and tricking Daeros to walk into it, and also destroying the castle with an invasion of dragons. A dwarf by the name of Durlag Trollkiller also established a home for his clan (Durlag's Tower) at some unknown date, and that was later annihilated by an infiltration of doppelgangers and mind flayers. The Orothiar clan settled in the Cloakwood, however they were forced to abandon their clanhold when a mine wall was accidentally breached: the river flooded their home, and wiped out most of their people, bar a few survivors.

- 1% covers everybody else. Hobgoblins, gnolls, goblins, kobolds and such will make up the majority of this category; the recently established Yuan-ti kingdom of Najara has also joined this percentage; with a minority of half-orcs (orcs are not really found in the Western Heartlands, the nearest are mountain orcs in the North), and then a smaller handful of planetouched (tieflings, genasi, aasimar (mostly tieflings and genasi)) and dragonborn left over.

While generally not popular anywhere, tieflings are particularly mistrusted in the Western Heartlands. They're associated with the Dragonspear Wars - the first of which took place in 1356 DR - where Waterdeep and Baldur's Gate went to war with the invading forces of Avernus (coming from portals set up in the eponymous Dragonspear Castle). There was another invasion in 1363 DR. Then that time Mephistopheles invaded Waterdeep in 1372 with the intention of conquering Toril and turning it into the tenth layer of hell probably didn't help their reputation either. Nor the fey'ri invasion of Evereska in 1374 DR. Nor did the Elturel incident... It's not unlikely that there are a fair few people with dormant infernal blood in their veins, but the tiefling population isn't likely to see much growth, as the birth of a tiefling child to human parents is not infrequently met with panic and infanticide.

There's nothing I can really find on half-orcs, but I would imagine most are of mountain orc and Illuskan heritage, and they or their ancestor/s migrated from the North.

I'd hazard a guess that the entire dragonborn population of Baldur's Gate - possibly the entire region - can be seen in-game. They have no history in the area that I know of.

[inamindfarfaraway]

thoughts on best boy The Spot?

SUCH A GOOD VILLAIN.

When he’s a lighthearted probably-just-a-villain-of-the-week, he’s hilarious. I particularly loved him begging the store owner not to fight him off with a bat because this is his first robbery, please don’t make this a bad experience for him. He’s never done this before! It’s like he’s apologetic for the robbery being so inefficient, not the crime itself. His insistence that he’s Miles’s Nemesis instantly reminded me of The Panda Redd’s Lord Death Man videos. Him innocently saying “Oh, I love chai tea!” after Pavitr’s rant and Pav screaming “No!” and attacking him cracked me up. Despite his supervillain nemesis dreams, he’s so… polite and affable. Almost Doofenschmirtz-esque at times. Tell me Doof wouldn’t apologize in the exact same way for the “I came to India on a journey of self-discovery” faux pas.

I love that he’s the bagel guy. I treasure that moment with its bagel sound effect and I’m so glad they brought it back. He would cry so hard watching Everything Everywhere All at Once.

But the fact that he’s intertwined with Miles’s origin story and each of their superpowered conditions are unintended consequences of the other’s actions is highly relevant to the narrative, where the rippling consequences of your actions are a major theme. It’s kind of a fundamental Spider-Man thing, after all. It’s genuinely unsettling when he begs/demands Miles to look at him, really see him, and take him seriously. Even if he then literally kicks his own butt. It hits a lot harder after we see how isolating and distressing being an anomaly is to Miles himself. You can understand why Spot would obsess over their connection. Him starting out laughable and growing to be epic is an echo of Miles’s development in the first film - complete with a mostly black appearance upgrade when he gets the hang of it.

The tone blending is so masterful with him because he is also, somehow so scary. When he stops acting silly and friendly, it’s chilling. His powers are terrifyingly effective and dangerous and it seems like he hasn’t even fully unlocked their potential by the end of the movie. His appearance is silly (“Are you some sort of Cow Man?”) until it’s not; until it sinks in that he is a reality-rending cosmic abomination full of resentment, pain and spite, and his lack of a face or even eyes makes him feel more disturbingly eldritch than cartoonish. I cannot wait to see what he’s capable of in Beyond, and I hope the beautiful imagery puts Lovecraft to shame.

[hyperfixationstati0n]

I had to write an alternate ending for a book for a class and obviously i did tbosas 😔 thought id post it here for shits and giggles

————————————————————————-

His mind raced for a plausible explanation. Could he have been involved in a freak accident? A training death? He was cleaning a weapon, and maybe it went off by mistake? He landed on the only thing he could think of–the truth. Well, most of it.

“...Sejanus. I know I’m not the one who hung him but I felt responsible for him. He was like my brother…I-I should’ve been there to protect him. Keep him out of trouble like I said I would.”

Lucy Gray’s face softens, any trace of suspicion seeming to leave her body. Good, he was in the clear.

“Oh…Coryo, It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I brought it up, I should’ve figured.” She seals her apology with a kiss on his cheek and a sweet smile. “C’mon. It's hot and the lake is close now anyway. We can cool off.”

She grabs his hand and starts leading him along again, pulling the wagon behind them. He lets out a sigh of relief. Maybe he should’ve gone into acting, he thinks. But then again, what good did that do when the life ahead of him was just woods. Literally. He still can’t help but think about going back, but how would she react to that? He couldn’t. He was stuck in another meaningless life with a meanigless future.

Over the many nights they spent travling further north, he stayed up at night thinking about if he just stayed in 12, he could be on his way to district 2 right now, becoming an officer. He looks over at Lucy Gray’s joyful demeanor as they make their way up through the woods, and he finds as the weeks go on it brings him less and less comfort.

They never do find the people up North. Billy Taupe and the other rebels were wrong. Lucy Gray had been a fool for having a shred of hope, but he was the bigger fool for following in her footsteps. He was too far gone to ever make it back to District 12 alive. He kissed his hopes of that goodbye 30 miles ago.

Slowly, surely, the days turn into weeks. The weeks turn into months. He loses track, but he can tell by the growth of his hair that it's been almost a year. Resentment grows, but it only seems to grow in him. He snaps, losing his mind one night. He looks over at Lucy Gray, sleeping soundly in the dingy makeshift tent they had been living in for the past few weeks, and disappears into the night. He treks along in the dark until he feels something cool on the back of his neck. He looks up into the sky. Little white flecks start to fall over him. He’s immediately reminded of Dean Highbottoms words, although now they seem a lifetime ago. In a way, they were.

“Do you hear that, Coriolanus? It’s the sound of snow…falling.”

He resents the Dean for being right. He resents Sejanus and the other rebels for getting him in a big enough mess to have to run away. He resents Lucy Gray and her ever-growing love for him. He resents himself most. He could’ve been an officer, maybe made his way back to the Capitol and his family. But instead he was miles away from any sort of civilization. What a disgrace to the Snow name. He was a nobody.

Coriolanus never did make it back to 12. Or anywhere for that matter. He wandered and wandered as the blanket of snow crunches at his feet. He was far enough away that Lucy Gray wouldn’t find him until he was a pile of bones. And that's what he became. How ironic it was that he had the same fate of the Lucy Gray from the song–lost in the snow. A ghost story.

How much more ironic it was that the very thing he prided himself most in was his demise. The Hunger Games died out, and so with them did he.

The storm came on before its time

She wandered up and down

And many a-hill did Lucy climb

But never reached the town

In some strange twist of fate, Snow still landed on top

AN: i’m not sure how i feel about this but i didn’t have anything new to post. i hope you guys liked it but feedback would be much appreciated 🫶

[hsrmtbrm]

QUADRANTS

feelings are complicated, especially when you're all used to being each others heads all the time. it was easier to communicate that way. now, things are all jumbled and nothing makes sense. you've got to make sense of it somehow, right?

Hal <> Equius (<3~)

Hal and Equius have already known each other intimately due to sharing a sprite together. They were happy as a sprite, very happy. They fit together like missing pieces of a puzzle piece. Getting along inside of a puppet wasn't so hard. Though they're still learning each others tells, they get along the easiest out of the four of them. Hal, who has memories of rather human emotions, strays a bit toward flush as well.

Caliborn <> Gamzee (<3<~)

Who better to shooshpap a raging clown than a red-themed grump? Who better to keep an angry green thing from killing people than someone who can lift him off the ground with ease? Gamzee speaks quieter than anyone but Caliborn can hear, and Caliborn's endless droning can drown out any ugly thoughts that Gamzee has. Besides. Caliborn might feel just a tad bit guilty that he technically had something to do with him ending up like this. Cherubs usually show affection through violence, anyway, right?

Equius <3< Gamzee (c3< Hal)

Even before being killed, this was brewing between them. Self explanatory, right? But not exactly stable, mostly due to left over resentment and mental health struggles. That's where Hal comes in. He has a significant amount of experience mediating between his friends, and is well aware that too much hate and resentment is not healthy for any relationship.

Equius <3 Gamzee (c3< Caliborn)

Though mostly one-sided at first, after a few too many instances of Gamzee being Just Too Pitiful for Equius' poor pusher to handle and some tender embraces (which they had to be strongarmed into by one strong-armed cherub), this blossomed into a surprisingly healthy vacillation! All in a days work for Caliborn.

Minor/Unofficial - Caliborn <3/<3< Hal - OH, YOu WHO SO RESEMBLES THE ONE WHO GOT ME MY STuPID LEG BACK. STOP BEING TENDER. OR ELSE. NO WAIT WHERE ARE YOu GOING I WAS KIDDING, HALCIFER. (mildly reciprocated) - Hal <> Gamzee - Even without knowing Gamzee's past, he can smell the substance abuse struggle on him from a mile away. Reminds him just a little too much of his childhood roleplay buddy. (unknown, so unreciprocated) - Equius <>/<3< Caliborn - Don't ask. Don't look at them. They don't know either. Their shared quadrantmate fell asleep on top of their laps while Hal was out one night and they had a long, long conversation.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

So I'll just tell myself all of the things I can't say to you yet (Fic)

Third Chapter here!

Pairing: Ghostflower (Miles x Gwen.)

Chapter: 4/4.

Summary: The plan was easy, get her dad out of the apartment, and made sure Miles didn't see her embarrassing song lyrics about him, nor the rest of things she keeps from him; how wrong could this go?

(What she didn't think, is that sometimes things can go wrong in the best way possible.)

Gwen was mad at herself for still not being able to find a way to get her dad out of the house.

Funnily enough, is not something she ever really had to worry about before the "incident" happened. Despite trying to keep an entire identity a secret, she never had trouble ensuring to do it when her dad wasn't looking or needing to be too careful when coming home; since he was a police officer he did a lot of night shifts, all of them becoming more prominent when he became a Captain.

Is funny how she remembers being bitter about it when she was younger, resenting the number of times her dad called May to look after her when he needed to leave out of nowhere because of work. She becoming grateful about it when she became spider-woman was a surprise, and most of all to miss it now.

"It doesn't help needing to hide a friend was something I definitely never had to deal with," She thought bitterly, as her dad inspected the door she stupidly had tried to use as an excuse.

Her first idea has been to ask if he was going anywhere or if he needed to buy anything; with his new job as a coach he has started to look at places and prices to see what he could ask the university to get and what could be better than what they have; this has somehow reminded him that Gwen asked about getting oil because her squeaking door.

As he inspected the door, Gwen decided to hope he was busy enough to realize Gwen was looking around clearly trying to find something.

That wasn't exactly distressing; knowing how Hobie's watches worked she knew he didn't hop to another dimension because the spectacle those do would have to show up even with a wall in between. The guy was also able to become invisible, though she wasn't sure if he was going to do that with the wounds he had, she hoped he didn't. The possibility of him jumping out of the window is always high with any spidey-person in general.

But she didn't hear the window, which she should have even if she was focused on her dad. Her Spider-sense also was telling her there was a spider-person close, even if it couldn't indicate exactly where; so he wasn't far. There was only one door in her room too, the place wasn't also insanely big; the space below her bed was so small only a cat could get down there, so really the only other place she could think of-

"No," Her eyes fly to the closet, feeling her heart stops as she considers the possibility, "Please tell me he isn't there."

Because she didn't think of him opening the damn closet, she didn't try to cover or hide anything, just left it on the floor of the closet. There is no way he wouldn't see it, goddammit considering they both have excellent night vision for all she knows she may be reading some of her half-made lyrics.

Walking slowly, keeping in mind her dad was still looking at the hinges (he liked to act like he knew what he was doing even with things he had no clue of,) until she was finally in front of the closet. Trying to be casual, she gave one tap to the door,

Ruffled sounds came from the closet, as if someone was fighting her jackets and, pages? (Oh no,) the doors opened a little, as the furniture itself was startled. She thought she saw something fly from the closet as if its contents were trying to go away, and she put her hands to close it shut without a second thought (too much time hiding secrets give you those habits.)

"Gwen?"

She turns to her dad, who has stopped mumbling to himself about AW-04 or something else, and was looking at her mildly concerned and confused.

Trying to play dumb, she said "Oh, I may need to organize my closet better?" She tries to say, probably sounding less convincing than she could.

Because freaking Miles was in her closet, probably looking at her embarrassing crush shit!

Saying Gwen was screaming inside would be an understatement, and yet below the gaze of her father, she just smiles awkwardly and tries to pretend she is not about to lose it.

As she was trying to process that, she didn't look too much into what has escaped from it; yet the fact seemed to have caught the attention of her father. As he walked towards her, she casually positions herself between the closet and him, hoping he wouldn't look there.

Just when Gwen realizes her dad was concentrating on what fell on the floor, the man is kneeling to pick up the first picture of her and Miles, the same one she treasured for months before having new ones.

Her dad arches an eyebrow as he gets up with the Polaroid in hand, and says "You know? With how much you treasure this thing, I would think you would put more effort into safekeeping in a better place."

"Oh this has to be a joke," She thought to herself, imagining what Miles would think if he had the chance to see this pic and realize what her dad means, and the answer was probably more likely than she wanted it to be.

"Treasure seems kind of a strong word, don't you think?" She replied, awkwardly laughing.

Yes, she knows she is doomed, she has a notebook full of his name with way too corny lyrics, pictures, and a plushie; she couldn't look more desperate than that. Miles already had seen enough, he didn't need to hear about how much that photo meant to her.

Sadly, the universe seemed to hate her because her dad refused to accept the dismissal.

"Are you serious?" He says baffled, the rumble of his laughter in the back of his voice "Gwen, you disappeared for months, and the only reason you set foot on this place, aside from not having a way out of this dimension; was to get this picture. You literally ignored my presence, took the Polaroid, and try to leave before I could wake up. If of everything out of this house, this was your primary concern, doesn't that have to mean something?"

"Wow dad, I could almost be impressed you caught all of this, in any other moment EXCEPT THIS." She thought to herself, wanting nothing more than to take a pillow and scream.

The notebook wasn't enough, the pictures weren't enough, and the plushie wasn't enough. No, her dad needed to give a discourse about how much of a goner she was.

Was this how Miles felt when she was in front of his parents? Somehow, she felt she had it worse because at least his mom didn't mention him being so corny as to keep a picture around almost like a charm.

As her dad give her the polaroid (with her keeping it close to her chest as a reflex; honestly most of the time she was very mindful with the photo.) He moved away quickly enough, as she let her head fall down defeated and tired.

"Mmm, I'm kind of hungry, what do you think of getting chinese?"

"NOW is that you find an excuse to leave?" Gwen thought exasperated.

Taking a deep breath to remember she would rather not let her dad see her crush hiding in the closet with probably just half of his clothes; Gwen keeps her composure enough to say "Sure! Sounds good, Do you think you could go and order there directly? You know, less time for the food to get colder."

Knowing exactly what place her dad would go, since they have menus of some of their favourite take-out places; she tried to think of something that could take some extra time since she still wasn't sure if Miles was feeling okay enough to go to his dimension yet, or perhaps crash someone's else.

She may or may not have been reading it from beginning to end just to avoid needing to talk to Miles about, this, but who could say?

Once she decided on her food (with a comment from her dad for taking too long,) she stood at the entrance of the apartment as her dad closed the door behind him, and just on cue, she overheard her closet being opened.

Letting her head go against the door, she thought "Ground swallow me up."

As her indeed, annoying bedroom door squeaked open, she heard Miles say "For the record, my middle name is Gonzalo."

"Great, he read at least one of the songs, wonderful."

 As she turned around, she saw Miles leaning on the door frame on his side; he had the notebook in his hands, and he smirked mischievously at her; despite still missing his top and having scratches and bandages.

Sighing, she decides she should get over it, "Look, I know this looks bad-"

"Bad?" He says, a bit shocked, the corners of his lips still up as he moves away from the door and walks to her "Hey, I can't say much, you saw all of those drawings I did-"

"That's different." She scoffed, crossing her arms as she looked to the side.

"Yeah? Why is that?"

"At least you are over me now," She said, sounding more bitter than she would have liked to be.

It was dumb- this was her fault, she pushed him away, and she was the one who lied to him to the point he needed to he ask for space. She couldn't seriously get worked up about this. 

"Beg your pardon?"

Okay, Gwen didn't really want to look Miles, not wanting to make things worse for herself. However the tone of voice he used caught her attention.

When she looked back at him, just a few feet away from her with the notebook closed; he was looking at her like he needed to make sure his ears were actually working.

Blinking, she bites the bullet "You asked me to give you a few months to be away so you could, process everything? And then I was just one of the spidey-gang to you? What I am missing here?"

Almost in slow-motion, his eyes opened wildly, before running a hand through his hair "So Margo and Hobie weren't exaggerating with me acting differently- I know I was able to tone it down a lot but I didn't think I was playing it off that well."

"Playing it off- Wait, so you mean-"

"I have feelings for you?" The words came almost like a laugh out of Miles, shaking his head "Sorry, is just- after acting like a lovesick puppy around you, and what you told me when we saw each other again, and the after; I thought it would have better to try to move on, not that I ever did. My love for you never went away."

My love for you never went away.

Something about those words made her heart flutter in excitement; she wanted to bask in that feeling, to think of what those words meant.

But she was good at keeping track of the unspoken things in a conversation, as well as keeping an eye on things that would make her miserable.

"Wait, what did I say to you?"

"The bit with Gwen and Spider-man not working out? I thought you well, preferred not to risk it; that was the last time we hinted at the topic."

As the memory of her time in the organization, her old loyalties, and what she did, she felt as if a bucket of cold water dropped on top of her, drowning the previous happiness she was feeling moments ago. With her mouth suddenly feeling dry, she didn't think of a response before Miles was talking again.

"I didn't think you would feel like this- Well, or friends try to tell me about it, if only to push me to move things forward; I thought you just wanted to be friends."

"How could you think that, as if I'm not constantly doing dumb shit because of the exact opposite?" She thought to herself.

Except, she knew exactly why.

Feeling more bitter by the second, she let out a laugh, as her hands formed into first. She was doing it again.

She was doing it all fucking again, wasn't it?

"Gwen?"

"Is just stupid," She says angrily, not bothering to clarify if it was the situation, or her; truth being told, it was both. "I told you that, because I thought it was part of one of the canon events."

"Oh."

"Yeah, those;" She agreed; one of the things they ended up doing while trying to sort the mess after the HQ fiasco, was to realize that canon events weren't really a thing. It was a bunch of complicated crap that she couldn't dwell on right now, but she couldn't believe she had fallen for it too; and had stood aside when Miles has needed her. "But honestly? I mean, I am almost not surprised that I'm doing it again."

"Wait, do what?"

Gwen didn't face Miles, she couldn't take it; not when she was this angry, not when she felt the tears try to build in her eyes as she felt the impulse to throw something. "What I always do, mess things up!

"Miles, hear yourself out," She said, sounding almost maniacally out of the sheer desperation she was feeling "You thought this, for a stupid comment I said. You forced yourself to act differently around me because you thought I was feeling uncomfortable.

"And now look at this!" Turning around, she pointed at the door where her dad had left "I needed to hide you out, I was trying to find an excuse for my dad to leave; because somehow I couldn't find a way of saying 'Hey dad! My friend got injured on a mission! Do you mind if I help patch him up?' No, I try to make a circus because I didn't want him or you to know about this.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg, that isn't even talking about the messed up things I did! Do you want to know, how many nights I was awake for months, thinking if I had perhaps, just perhaps told my dad about my identity at the right moment, could I have talked about it with him accepting me, instead of him trying to point a gun at me because I waited to the last possible second?

"Want to know what happened to Peter, to my best friend?" Her voice broke at his name, because her heart knew when she meant B and when she meant him, "He tried to become the lizard trying to be like me Miles, because I prioritized being Spider-woman instead of a good friend; and want to know the worst part of it?" She let the words linger, if it was for Miles benefit, or her own cowardice, well, who was to say? "He knew it was me, he said my name, and he tried to take my mask off, to tell me everything was going to be okay."

Gwen hated the feeling of hot tears coming down her cheeks, how she didn't want to try to open her eyes knowing she would just cry so much she would not see straight. The words continue coming out without her permission, the desperate cry she tried to keep hidden for so long was finally coming out, and would do it regardless if she wanted or not.

"I didn't let him," she admitted, ashamed "When he said my name, I try to play dumb, I took his hand away from my mask. My best friend was dying in front of me, and to the last bitter end, I try to keep him at bay, to keep him away from my secret identity. And the last time I saw him alive I was using a mask that only let me see so much, and he couldn't see my face as he wanted. I denied my best friend his dying wish."

It was so fucked up, she was just so messed up.

"I just, keep doing this," She shakes her head, not believing to which degree she would go with this "I didn't say anything to you, to the point I was driving you away. I pretended I could keep my feelings at bay by writing half-baked songs and keeping anything that reminded me of you; but all I did was to do more stupid things trying to hide it. It doesn't matter how many times this keeps happening, I just don't seem to learn my lesson.

"Is not fair," She says as if it doesn't sound childish, the pleas of a girl who is acting as if the reason for her suffering wasn't her own fault, "Is not fair to my dad that even when he is trying, I can't seem to want to bridge the gap. It wasn't fair to Peter that I pushed him away until the bitter end. And is not fair that you need to try to bend backwards, all because I can't seem to open up, because I prefer to write notes rather than tell you to your face that I love you!"

"I'm not-" She couldn't finish the sentence, before more tears came out of her, as she finally couldn't hold it anymore.

God, why she was like this? She just, couldn't.

It didn't matter if it was her dad, her best friend, or her crush- it all happened the same way. She would get afraid, keep something she shouldn't keep, and it would explode in her face. It didn't even need to be someone close to her, what did she do before? Lying to Jessica about the mission so she could go to Earth-1610? Try to keep her whereabouts away from Miguel?

Gwen could be spiderwoman, but there was one part of her she hated with all her being, the one she couldn't seem to shake. Because deep down, she knew she was a coward.

And she didn't deserve the people in her life.

She didn't deserve a father who as flawed as he was, was trying to do the right for her as she keep lies on top of lies. Her friends didn't deserve someone who keep everyone at bay, to the point she tend to pout her feelings more on lyrics than actually speaking about it. 

And Miles deserved better than a girl who could only say I love you after admitting it would be better for everyone in her life to leave her. Yet all she could do now was this, cry pathetically after everything she had tried to keep down has refused to disappear.

It was truly a shame how Gwen view herself, as Miles was seeing this in a completely different light.

The smile has been wiped from his face, as he had put the notebook on the table; he felt his own mouth go dry as he watched the girl he loved sobbing for the weight of her own guilt.

Miles knew she was reserved; heck, Margo and Hobie had commented on it, being the reason why they had told him to be the one to do the first step. They didn't think Gwen would try it.

But he doubted they understood to which degree this has affected her.

"Is not fair," He has agreed with her on something, and that it wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair to carry all of this on your shoulders, to keep quiet about so much. Looking at Gwen, he couldn't help but feel his own heart break "She looks so small."

Gwen was someone he has always admired; from her fighting skills to her quick thinking, she has seemed like the most put-together on their original rag-tag team of Spideys when all of this started for him. Despite being his age, she stood her ground, has been able to hide and adapt better than Peter B and the others; and seemed always in control.

Right now she was hunching, her body facing the side as she herself was ashamed of her feelings and was trying to hide it from Miles, her hands covering her face. She wasn't the badass girl that has hastily told him he didn't get to like his haircut. She was so much more than that.

He wouldn't call her weak, definitely not for this; not for being human. But it reminded him that below the calm, collected mask, was a real person underneath.

As she cried her heart out, she seemed like a normal girl, a stressed-out teenage girl. Because at the end of the day, everyone has their breaking points; Miles just wished he could have been able to do something about it before.

"I may not be able to do something before, but I can for now," thought to himself, as he walked up to her.

While he tenderly touched her shoulder, she went rigid; as if she hasn't expected or heard him come; spiders tended to be that silent.

"Hey," He greeted softly, even if Gwen still had her face covered. Gently, his hand hovered on top of one of hers, fingertips touching softly so as to not impose "Can I?"

Can I see your face? Can I wipe your tears? Can I be the one you lend on?

He wasn't sure what to ask, letting the question open for all the things he wanted to say, to do for her; it was about time that he did so without fear.

She seemed frozen, yet slowly, she moved her hands away. Her eyes were red and puffy, her button nose was also a tone pink he couldn't help but think it was cute, traces of tears were on her cheeks, and more were building on her eyes; however she was still quiet, as if she was containing herself.

He didn't want her to do that ever again.

"Is okay," He told her kindly, as his hand fell on her cheek, cleaning the tears; all moving slowly, giving her the chance to reject it or move away if she needed; she didn't. "Is okay if you are still sad too."

"What are you doing?" She said instead, obtuse.

"Being here for you," He answered without missing a beat, casually wiping away the tears from her other eye, while his other hand still rested on her cheek, "As I wanted to do for a long time."

"Is my-"

"No," he refutes still, not letting her finish the sentence "It doesn't matter anymore."

"It doesn't- Miles, look at this, look at yourself, it keeps happening, I keep doing this." She said with bile, as if she couldn't stand herself at this moment; her gaze going to the side as if even while so close she refused to see him out of anger, "None of you deserve this, I don't deserve-"

"No," he repeats again, adamant.

Scoffing, Gwen says "Miles, cutting me off doesn't change reality."

"It does because it isn't real," he affirms confidently, or perhaps stubbornly; "Not for me, I refuse to accept it."

"You cannot do that."

"You were about to say you don't deserve me?" He pointed out, with her going quiet "To say you don't deserve your dad, or Peter, or the gang? It doesn't matter."

"How can you say that?"

"Because none of us were ever here because we thought we 'deserved' you," He told her straight to the point, his voice firm, before dropping softly "Is because we love you."

She went quiet, looking at the ground but not fighting him anymore.

"Gwen, I don't know who forgot to tell you this, but we aren't here for you because we think we deserve someone like you in our life, we do it because we like being around you, for who you are." He said as he moved a strand of hair away, seeing his face better as she was lifting her head and finally, looking at him. Despite everything, her eyes looked so fearful.

"Even as she looks like she wants to fall apart, she is so beautiful," He thought to herself.

Even with her eyes swollen, looking like she wanted to shut down; she was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. From her piercings to the watercolor eyes and her tooth gap, he had always remembered to draw (he didn't want an idealized version of her, he wanted to draw her as she was.) As long as it was her, it didn't matter the situation, she would shine.

This wasn't the time to dwell on that, but he would remember to tell her that later, and probably again. He didn't want to keep things hidden anymore, especially not when this mess has partially happened because he also didn't try to talk things over. He also had experience in messing up that way.

"You aren't the only one who has kept secrets they shouldn't," Miles said somberly, gathering Gwen's attention as her eyes opened slightly in confusion and surprise. Is funny, considering she knew about this; "You remember that I lost my uncle, right? Holding his hand in his last moments; and I couldn't talk to anyone about it."

"Miles that wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't," He accepted, and has done for a while. It took him time to realize that; he hopes Gwen realizes that in her own situation too eventually; "How do you think, my dad felt when he realized I kept his lasts words to myself for over a year?"

Gwen stood there in surprise, while Miles himself let that sink as he felt the bitter taste in his mouth at the thought. He still remembers his father's melancholic face, as he took in what his brother said, the grief he still had about the subject, as well as the pain that Miles deprived him of this information for this long.

Miles knew his parents understood that he has been afraid, in all honesty, part of him wished they could have been harsher at him; he would take his dad's anger any day of the week over the disappointment and betrayal those news has been for him. But they were working on it, they were doing their better to talk and understand each other better, even if it wasn't always easy.

He was thankful to them for teaching him that, now more than ever as he consoled Gwen.

"I messed up," He admitted, freely, as he looked into her eyes "In more ways than one, and that wasn't the only time. It happens."

"But I keep doing it-"

"Then try again," He said immediately, softly and without judgment.

Which was all he found in Gwen's gaze as she said "Why? Why would you trust me with that? What makes you think I would not do this again?"

He wouldn't, not that it was the point, he trusted her that much. But there was something about this conversation that brought into mind something Margo mentioned; how Gwen's feelings for him couldn't have been a secret for what she did. Now that he knows how she feels about him, that day feels like it has gained an entirely new meaning.

Yet there was still something he needed to know.

"What you were supposed to do, when we saw each other again?"

"What?"

"That day, when the Spot ended up opening another hole in the multiverse- What were you supposed to do that day in my dimension?"

Looking at him completely at loss, she says "Miles what has this to do with anything?"

"I will tell you once you answer me."

Scoffing, she rolls her eyes before whispering to herself 'fuck it, what difference does make it now.' Taking a deep breath, she says "Spot ended up traveling to a bunch of dimensions on a dime, almost by accident; we caught a whiff of what was going on when he was back in Earth 1610. The original plan was only to monitor him, since he was back in his own dimension; my mission was to watch over him and made sure he couldn't do his hole trick again."

"And, you weren't supposed to see me at all."

Shaking her head, she says "Miguel didn't want to involve you at all, he even had his reservations about me because, you know," She gestured to both of them- wait does that mean Miguel somehow put two and two together about them before Miles even registered it? "Jess was the one who gave me the mission, she trusted me more than Miguel did. But she didn't want to involve you either, if it was for her I would have been hidden below that bridge the entire time until I needed to interfere."

But that was not what she did, she opened the portal to his room; before even realizing it was his room. She was given a mission to keep the lunatic scientist from traveling to other dimensions as he pleased (though none of them realized how dangerous he could be back then,) and what she did was to get to him as soon as she was able and hug him. 

As a grin started to appear on his face, Gwen scoffed "Yeah yeah, you can laugh; it was dumb."

"No- I mean, I don't think so;" Could prioritizing seeing someone you had missed over the safety of the multiverse be called dumb? Maybe, would have Miles done things differently had he been in Gwen's shoes? Not in a million years. "I'm just, happy to hear that."

"What, letting a nutjob get away by being too desperate?"

"If it helps, I would have done the same for you in a heartbeat." He says earnestly, still cradling her face as the tears finally started to disappear; even if it was because the topic was less upsetting for her. As he saw her annoyance leave her face, he said "But don't you get it? You were doing it already."

"Doing what?"

"Showing how you feel."

"..."

"Think about it," He says with a smile, remembering that day "You came to see me, and hug me before I even had the chance to register you were here. You spend as much time as you could with me until the watch told you something happened. And then when we saw Margo well, looking back you weren't subtle."

Clicking her tongue, she quickly replies "Okay, at least half the reason for that was Peni-"

"What?"

As if she realized she had said too much, she moves her hand dismissively, "Nevermind."

He probably wouldn't, this reminded him of some things Hobie was talking about before- maybe he should talk to Margo later, if only to find a way to return the favor.

"My point is, all of that was there," He reminds her, going back on topic, "When we were seating in the Tower, I thought you didn't want to be more because of what you say, and somehow didn't think of all the other little things you were doing. Even if you say you have a problem talking things out, you always find a way to show it, right?"

Her lips formed a tight line, unconvinced, and replies "That's not good enough."

"I mean, you can do this," With his hand that is not on her cheek, he takes her own, giving it a tender squeeze, "You just did it, too; you told me what was wrong."

"I didn't have much of a choice."

"You could just say you didn't want to talk about it," he shrugs nonchalantly "You certainly didn't need to tell me about how you feel about your dad, or Peter; but you still did, you are still trusting me that much."

Gwen seemed to want to find a rebuttal, but any words died in her throat, and Miles didn't give her much of a chance before saying.

"Is okay, if is still tough, if you have trouble opening up, all this means is that you just need to continue trying, and we need to remind you that we are here for you, one way or another."

Even after all of this back and forth, it seemed like there was something holding her back, almost like even with Miles telling her it was okay, she couldn't let herself believe it. Without more arguments, she asks a softly, defeated "Why?" She whispers to him "Why after all I told you, after all I did, you still want to be here?"

That has to be the easiest question he has answered all night. 

"Because I love you."

He had implied that much before, but hadn't said it yet, funnily enough Gwen technically beat him to the punch earlier in the middle of her rant. If they could talk things out, make this right- he hoped he could get to say it a lot more.

"When I was hiding before, I was thinking about that; how long I had feelings for you, but rather than these feelings changing because of the distance and what happened between us, I realized I just found new ways to love you. To realize there is a lot more than the badass hero I met initially, to love being around you regardless if we are on the suit or not. I saw your lyrics, the pictures, and the plushie, and not even once I thought I was mad at you for keeping this away from me, I was just so happy.

"You used to do ballet, until you needed to leave because Spider-people don't have a good track record with being on time or being there when needed. You had been hitting things with your hands for so long your dad decided to get you a drum set. The first time I saw you fight, you were so swift and well pulled together it made me wish I could train you if only to hope to get half the ability you have.

"You have a tendency to gravitate around people, hitting a shoulder, leaning on someone, hugs- sometimes I think you try to hold those impulses more than you let on" To that comment she suddenly looked to the side, oh he was going to remember that for later, "You remember little things, like how I like to draw, or the name of my parents; even if I don't think I told them their names more than once.

"You are caring, fierce, and once you know what the right thing is you would fight the world and back for it." He continues his praises to the unbelieved gaze of Gwen, that seemed dumbfounded at the idea that he was saying all of this; as if he didn't think that every time he laid his eyes on her. "You are impulsive, a tad reckless, and hold on too much.

"And I love that, because I love you, with all the caveats and falls;" He explains, moving just a bit closer, wanting her to directly look at him and see in his gaze how much she means to him "I didn't fall for you because I thought I deserved you, I just did. It doesn't matter the pain, the misunderstandings, or whatever spidey shenanigans we end up; I still want this, I want to be with you."

Gwen has never been the most expressive person, trying to keep her feelings to herself out of self-preservation. Yet finally after all of this, she was smiling at him, it was small with the tips of her lips just going a bit up, but this one time he saw her eyes shine at him and didn't think he was making it up.

Getting a step closer, their faces inches away from each other, leaving enough space for her to still say no and take a step back "I want to be there for you when you are angry but you don't want to talk about it, when you are sad and you don't know what to do, I want to take you to dates and I want you to get mad at me if I mess up because I would rather have you talking than you hiding from me. I want to go out with you and get to hear all the things you never talk about, good or bad.

"Can I do that? Can I go out with you? To give us a chance?"

Gwen laughs, the same type of laugh he needed to try to contain earlier. As she giggles her face breaks into the biggest smile he has ever seen on her, she looks at him as if she can't believe it; "I don't know how you keep doing it, but you always find the right thing to say."

He smiles at her, and as he looks at her lips, he looks back at her eyes knowing they are way too close for her to not notice that "So, is that a yes-"

"Please," As he hears the laughter in her voice, she takes a step further and kisses him, throwing herself as she put her arms around his shoulders.

Grabbing her waist as he makes sure they don't fall (and kept to himself a groan as the wounds in his back didn't particularly like holding weight all of the sudden,) it only took him a second before he kissed her back. The faint sting of paint wavered as he felt her warm against him, her lips were soft and he tasted the salt of her own tears and took it away as he reciprocated.

The smell of her shampoo filled him as he felt his chest explode in ecstasy, a long dream becoming true yet nothing could have ever prepared for it. No fantasy or dream could ever come close to the feeling of finally having the woman he loved kissing him, hugging him as if the world was about to end.

Even if Gwen wasn't saying anything, just as always, her feelings shine in her actions. The longing for a kiss they both had wanted for so long, the softness of her touch as she tried to be mindful of his back, the want she felt as after breaking apart to breathe she didn't take more time than she needed before kissing him again, showing all those feelings she wanted to keep at bay.

It was a few minutes before they finally stop, Gwen putting her forehead against his.

"So," He says, a bit hazy, the kissing may have messed up with his brain a bit but he was not complaining, "I guess that's a yes on being my girlfriend?"

Chuckling, he can't help but notice that he likes the sound of her laugh just as much as he likes feeling it as they hug, basking in her happiness like a sunflower following the sun "I will be mad if I wasn't."

"Cool"

"Cool," She repeats at him.

And then, out of nowhere an outside voice says "Cool, can I come in now?"

"DAD?!" Gwen screeches as detangles herself from him so quickly he hastily grabs the wall; yeah just because he pretended to be fine didn't mean he was. "What are you doing!?"

"Well, I was calling the restaurant to tell them the order on my way there, and they said the restaurant was packed and it was going take way longer than what I was expecting. I was going to ask if you wanted something else when I heard screaming and figure you didn't want me to be involved."

Gwen's shoulders drop, letting a tired sigh as she said "How much did you hear?"

"Not much, once I heard you talk about Peter and ah, what happened, I went outside to take a short walk, and now I just came back after hearing a bunch of cools, if there anything you want me to know?"

Miles's attention picked at that; not a 'what's going on' or 'what happened,' but directly asking if there was anything she was okay with sharing. Perhaps he has been aware of this issue more than Gwen gave him credit for.

He saw her tense, probably stressed out about what to do; so taking a couple of steps until he was right beside her, he took her hand and says "Hey, whatever you want to do, I'm here in your corner, okay?"

Gwen seemed surprised, before smiling back at him as she squeezed his hand "Thank you."

This was obviously, going to be a long road. The fears Gwen had were bigger than Miles, something more problematic and difficult than just a nice speech and a few kisses; but he was ready to do it all for her.

Because Spider-man doesn't has a 'The End,' just a 'to be continued', and he wanted to see what a route to her beside him would look like. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Oh man how the fuck I made this so goddamn long. This was going on for so long that I almost thought of adding another chapter, but no, I'm done; I have other things to work on. A big chunk of this chapter was written after I had seen the barbie movie, writing a good part on it with a lack of sleep and hearing "What I was made for" on loop at 2 am in the morning, and I think it shows. It wasn't written in one go but boy it wasn't without penance. Even if a lot of this was fueled by existentialism and other things that are illegal in other countries, I don't think this fic was ever going to get a happy, fluffy ending without some angst thrown at it. Aside from the fact that if you look at my other works this is the least surprising thing coming from me, this story has been about it even before I decided it wasn't a one-shot anymore. The fact that Gwen would go to absurd lengths to keep things a secret rather than having a mildly awkward conversation is present ever since the second chapter, and as easy as it could have been "We are both idiots how the fuck we put two and two together," that's not how I roll. I would apologize, but nah, this is my story after all, and it wouldn't be mine without someone losing their shit because believe they aren't good enough or something. I think that's all, I need to eat something (is 3:30 but I refused to eat until this was over,) and do other crap. If you like it please leave a comment and kudos! This story wouldn't have passed the first chapter without them.

[venuslovesmascs]

Hi!! I don’t really have a certain style or outline for readings so every one will be a little different im sure, I don’t like to limit myself and let the spirits and universe tell me what’s needed.

if it resonates pls leave a tag or comment 

I’m begging, talking to tarot and spirits

alone can make a girlie think they need psychiatric help

first guy - happy shark ? he looks happy

- queen of cups up, queen of wands reversed were the first two cards to come out - which I thought was really interesting. they want emotional maturity first , before intimacy or passion if it’s that type of connection. they don’t seem to be a sensual person, they like to emotionally get to know others however. they don’t accept “childlike” energy or people who can not commit. they have virgo energy. also cancer. always reminds me of queen of cups. they like security and balance.

honestly to me this doesn’t seem like someone you are seeing, either a crush you are scared to come forward to, or just a friend in general. it it’s a friend, they want to know you more intimately , to be able to care for you more. to emotionally support you more. if you reach out a hand, they will always want to grab it to help you.

they like to stay home. don’t like to go out and party. do not invite them out, especially with a large group. maybe a study sesh, baking, movie. honestly im not getting too much to pick up on here, they seem like a pretty chill person who likes to be in their own world. like I feel bad for interrupting their energy or peace lmao. if you want something, you have to make it known. they will NOT make the first move. but this person has good communication skills, and emotional maturity. definitely worth talking to. i think you will both learn more about each other if you have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. this person appreciates honesty, straightforwardness, and vulnerability. i honestly really get the vibe it’s a friend u want to communicate feelings for. don’t come on too strong or passionate, take things slow, they don’t like to rush. you’ll scare them lol. they are sensitive. don’t like change. u got this. let things flow. i know it’s hard, I suck at it that part.

- it only takes a taste, waitress the musical - came to my mind

- they have mom friend energy , maybe u have dad friend energy, “accidently parents to found family trope”

pile 2 - curved sharkey

this person may tend to take more than they give. we got the devil card. which isn’t always bad, but can involve lust or deep fantasy, living too much in a dream world, not being practical enough. they don’t desire commitment or balance right now. or communication. if they want to….,18+….. they like things firey and passionate. quick. they are the type to “get what I want”. no thinking. they want you to maybe relax a little more about communication. to live more in the moment. everyone wants different things from connections and that’s okay, you don’t always have to be on the same exact page, but you need to find a common ground. make sure you aren’t always walking the extra mile for them.

this person is fast. moves on quickly. like they don’t want me in their energy. they are like… sorry got to go. I’m bored.

you may be blinded to some red flags. they seem really sweet!! just not looking for anything serious, do not have time for commitment. but also have not communicated that, yikes :/ they like to indulge. I’d be careful with their energy honestly. you do not owe them anything. i wish I had more to say but there’s not much left lmao. they do not like the mushy feelings, or letting people in. you won’t be able to change that any time soon. feel free to engage if you don’t mind, just remember to stay true to yourself as well. do not hide your wants and needs. be honest that you are meeting them where they are for now. don’t build any resentment before something even begins.

pile three - cartoon shark

seems like a connection that has had separation, big changes in the past. a lot of hurt for both ends. one being more silent about their pain than the other.

this person wants a change for sure. numbers 3 or 12 could be important. they want to be more integrative . they seemed stuck in the past before, and feel guilty for so. they may have left you in the cold, “dropped your hand while dancing” / champagne problems. they want to bring you peace, if not come together, at least give closure. i think they had a lot going on, and want to explain. if you want to talk or not, that is your choice. just make sure you aren’t letting your “ego” decide - the part of you that holds resentments , pettiness, the part of your animalistic desires or patterns - dont make this a quick decision, take some time to think about it, not what would bring you short term fulfillment, but long term fulfillment.

they will understand if you do not want to integrate again, but either way want to help in whatever way possible.

this person cared about others opinions in the past, let status/family/friends/affairs get in between the connection. they care about their reputation. maybe they have already done some things in the past they are ashamed of, and are still afraid it can come into light. they felt like they were holding on my a thread. i still think their fear of reputation hasn’t changed if I’m being honest, im not sure they are still willing to put in any fight against others, but maybe for your connection. but don’t expect this person to change over night. they care, but still have issues being publicly outgoing or seen. they don’t like conflict. which is probably why they ran from you too lol. definitely avoidant. but if they come forward, it shows they are making change - remember that.

they didn’t fight for something like you wanted them to. they have never been good at communicating. they have worked on that for months, for themselves, not just you.

you are good at strategy. planning things out. they admire you for this. they are not. they are not good at looking into the future. they live in the moment. but are learning either way they fear what is to come. and they wish they had you to rely on , to be in the future , if nothing else. they don’t want to put the burden on you however , this scares them, maybe you are more financially/ emotionally put together, they may not feel good enough for you.

okay there’s a lot going on here but I think I’m going to end it here, feel free to message me for any clarification but, I think this is something that can only be worked out between you two in divine time.

PILE FOUR - SHOWER SHARK

this is definitely an ex or a past lover or current situation that’s getting less intimate . something has recently gone wrong. some kind of trust has been broken.

i think you are waiting for this person to change. but you two can not change together. they do not want the same things, you are both lacking fulfillment.

if I’m being honest, I don’t even think this person wants closure or to talk. they want a clean break, a fresh start. im sorry if you feel left out in the cold. there’s some new journey here that you have to take on your own. and I don’t think you are used to being alone. i know it’s scary, but I think the universe is high lighting some lesson or journey here. maybe this is long distance. starting college, or studying abroad, a new job, that kind of energy . i think you have a lot to look forward to. all these new changes coming are a blessing in the future. take time to mourn and heal, but know that when you are ready, you have a lot of fulfilling things ready for you. new friends, passions, hobbies

i think you felt really bogged down by this persons energy. that you were too similar. “twin flames” energy , not the western Instagram post “twin flames” but the idea that you meet someone who mirrors all the parts of you that you have ignored for years. that feels like your soulmate - how quickly and intimate you knew them. but it’s just the catalyst for your change and self growth. you will heal and grow into a person that people will love and understand, a person that this past energy won’t even recognize. i think you will always have love for them, it dosent feel too toxic in a sense, more just confusing, and hard, too hard. love dosent need to be hard.

focus on taking a break. mourning. going no contact seems like the best route here. we all have free will, im not telling you what to do. however , I think your energy would be best preserved if you had a clean break. no meeting up again. no drunk texts. no giving back some old tee shirt from the back of your closet that they don’t even want. bring it to goodwill. you will feel better in the long run if you focus on feeling empowered by yourself and not others. it’s okay go want community, and human connection is natural, but we still need self reliance and independence to be able to help others too. okay that’s a lot hope ur ok , much love. bye.

pile five - teeth sharkey

I’m getting this person wants to call you lol. they want to come back around, maybe from the past but not too far back.

they want to cleanse whatever has happened , maybe a fresh start. you may have noticed they have changed a little , dress differently, talk differently, new confidence?? new haircut ?? new phone?

they are a “shape-shifter” , they want to be a person that can change and provide for you. i don’t know how long term these changes are, they seem to change a lot - that is for your judgement and not mine. they seem smooth , I can like feel myself blushing??

welp - there’s definitely some big change spiritually within them with the death card I just pulled. they want change in your situation. maybe they link k***nk …. u know. they want to know the dark parts of you. show you the dark parts of them. “For better or for worse” energy. idk if they want long term commitment so to say? but they definitely want a more stable emotional connection. i may not be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner but I’ll treat u and know u better than any of them energy.

there’s some secret they are hiding . i still don’t think they want to tell you everything, im not sure they want me to even be clear of what they want, maybe they do not know. they for sure want u tho. especially physically. wow they are attracted to u. possessive energy. maybe u like that, maybe u don’t. that’s urs to say. they want more eye contact, they think you have pretty eyes. they may like the occult / spiritual. OOO u know what, maybe they know you like it , they either researched it to impress you or actually had an awakening and want to share with you. they love your energy. they like being with you at night lol. maybe for some non-pg 13 stuff, but also I think they just want to be “spooky” in general with you and look at the moon and wander at night , do spells, that stuff. you seem to have changed them if I’m being honest. maybe opened up their heart. maybe you are their death moment.

if I’m being honest, idk if this is a person you see as “the one”. more like, a fling or fwb. but they were brought into your life for a reason. don’t let fears of the unknown / future hold you back from connecting with them. they have a lot to teach you.

[serious-tabaxi]

Ok, so, This is all set within the fictionally metropolis of Midnight Park, a city of 10 million on the shores of the Maryland coast. Midnight Park is a very divided place, with the tech moguls of the Silicon Heights looking over the squalor of Hooverville, the lush gardens, parks, and graveyards of Greenbelt being leeched of life from the smog of the Production Quarter, and the ever-watchful eye of their heroes of the Luminary Society just can't pierce through the shadowed allies and tunnels their rival villains lurk in.

First up on the hit list is Squall, Dr Simon Gale, the oldest of the villains who looks a bit like an cantaloupe balancing on top of a bowling ball, or some hybrid of that guy from those Boom Beach ads that was a meme a few years back with classic Eggman or Doc Ock. They were bullied for their looks during their childhood (especially by one Benedict Bright who you'll see later) and would grow into a meteorologist and climatologist, top of their class. Unfortunately, they were cursed to became one of the first to realize the potential dangers of climate change back in like the 90's and nobody took their observations seriously, reminding them of their childhood torments. In a fit of rage, the used experimental equipment for inducing artificial rainfall to turn a light drizzle into a pounding storm, flooding Midnight Park and dawning the modern age of heroes and villains. Unfortunately, they're ego would only grow and they'd slowly begin to see themself as the arbiter of natures wraith and be blinded to the cruelty of their actions.

Next up is Tox, Dr Garrett Adams. Dr Adams wasn't anyone special, just some humble chemist working for Venture Chemicals Co in the Production Quarter. That all changed during Squall's storm though. The floodwaters caused the chemical vats to burst and spill, dissolving several workers alive whilst Garrett was stranded in the rafters above where they're body slowly absorbed the fumes. Their skin and fat began to melt off their muscle and bones as it turned to wax from chemical exposure, soaking in chemical fumes and radiation as Adams used what first aid supplies he had to stave off death. By the time the floodwaters receded, Him and the chemicals had become one, a congealed mass of atomic tallow and luminous green organs within in endless agony that warped his mind into nothing but an abyss of hate. hate. hate. hate.

Then is Everyman, Tomas Jackson. Jackson was some unremarkable middle-aged conservative man who believed in standing for what you think is right and a growing resentment for the government. That was, until, some random no-name crook broke into his house and stole a family heirloom, his grandmother's old necklace, at which point he attempted to follow shotgun in hand to get it back. When he couldn't and the police also failed to find it, he was filled with rage and vowed to take makers into his own hands. Doning a home-forged steel helmet, gloves, trenchcoat, and voice changer, they set off into the night with a shotgun, a dream, and a very black-and-white sense of morality. These days, many of his fellow hands-on right wingers have donned similar costumes and joined him in his secret lair, the Halls of Justice, to find, torture, and execute whoever they deem guilty.

Mister Bones, Benedict Bright, was a bully growing up, especially to a young Simon Gale. His parents own a large carnival boardwalk by the name of the Bright Time Mile in Founder's Bay. His father died when Benedict was in his twenties and gave him control over the park. This was not a good idea as Mr Bright thought that the fear on the faces of others was just the funniest thing ever and slowly but surely made the park more thrilling, more threatening, more terrifying so he could laugh at the helpless scared children. He got a degree in sociology so that he could be even better at scaring people until they lost their minds and had his engineers work on developing advanced animatronics capable of free motion and though. Eventually, the Bright Time Mile's fear factor was toned down significantly to attract new guests and Mr Benedict started to dress in a more fitting costume, red and black with skeletal bodypaint. However, soon after this refurbishment, reports started to come out. Of of man in a black and white pinstripe suit, skull-faced gasmask, wide brimmed hat, oversized blood-stained mallet, and a simple wand loaded with a radioactive isotope that would melt the flesh right off your bones, and this man would chase you down without relent or remorse laughing at your screams until you could scream no more or grew too brave, at which point they'd get bored and leave.

Amp, Ruby Neumann, was the daughter of a German immigrant and was a lover of all things adrenaline-pumping, especially hardbass music. When they reached adulthood, they attempted to start a band, Bloodboil, but it never got off the ground. After that, she became a audio engineer and pioneered some interesting techniques. During a job under Benedict Bright to try to create audio disks that hum at just the right frequency to cause hallucinations, the hero Technopath broke in and gave chase, causing the equipment to short out and drive several other workers deaf. She escaped but lost the research for the disks but came to realize something; being chased... is actually pretty fun. She crafted a custom sound-suit covered with speakers that sounded at a frequency that could shatter stone and a sonic blaster that would rupture flesh and became a mercenary for the various gangs of Midnight Park, serving under them for the ultimate thrill.

And last for the villains is Krake, Richard Steinman. you already know about them. A cosmetics surgeon and geneticist who helped transgender and non-binary people transition until they had an otherkin awakening themself and was hit by a gnawing, insatiable longing to be an octopus (or, rather, the BODY of an octopus, they already were one in mind) even though they knew that they could reach reach it until Squall's storm created Tox and Midas, neither of which can really be considered human anymore and gave poor Steinman hope that they can achive their heart's desire with enough equipment, chemicals, and test subjects and so set up a secret lab in the Midnight Park underground where they performed inhumane experiments attempting to crack the code of transformation, eventually managing to figure it out and partly turn themself into an octopus, the happiest day of their life, but now aware of the toil they've reaped on the innocent citizens of Midnight park, all the friends they've lost and traded for power-hungry gangsters who wanted power for cheap, and these days they cry themselves to sleep every night,

However, now, it's hero time.

First is co-founder of the Luminary Society, Silver Sentinel. Henry Steele was a car mechanic in Founder's Bay until getting a new job as an engineer for Benedict Bright at the Bright Time Mile designing animatronics. He did this for some time before slowly realizing that what Bright wants aren't just animatronic mascot characters, but androids, semi-aware fake people, and that just didn't sit right with them and so they left, turning back to their old work for a while before bumping into an Everyman recruiter who conviced them to serve under the forces of "Justice", taking a box of mechanical limbs from their old job and created a primitive suit of power armor to boost his strength. After about a month though, he realized that Everyman was just a butcher, killing any who he arbitrarily deemed "Guilty" and moving one actually without doing anything to make Midnight Park a better place and so, left them. He wondered guilty and aimless for some time before meeting Coldheart and founding the Luminary Society to atone for their past sins, establishing a strict code of honor to make up for it.

Of course, Next up is Coldheart. Emeline Eaton was a skier, the best in all Midnight Park in fact. She would ski down the slopes of Appalachia every winter preparing for the day she could enter into the Winter Olympics, her personal dream and everyone believed in her. One winter when she was setting off, a strange man in a hazmat suit approached her, not a single snowflake on their body preaching how fit she was. She listened, confused, until the figure proclaimed how much he DESPISED health as they took off their hood, revealing the vile molten features of Tox right before Emeline punch him right in the face in response, only for Tox to merely laugh as the chemical cocktail begain to make her flesh melt too arm-first. She fell on the ground and rolled down the slope, slamming right into a frozen lake. She awoke later that month after the thaw with bluish frostbite skin and discovered that no level of cold effect her anymore but if she were to ever rise above the freezing point, she'd begin to melt like Tox. She lived for a week sleeping in mall freezers and walking around with a sack of dry ice tied to her back before meeting Silver Sentinel, who rigged up a crude insulation suit to keep her cool and together they formed the Luminary Society.

Midas, Dr Gianni Agneas, was a quantum physicist specializing in using particle smashers and accelerators to transmutate old or synthesize new elements. He was working on an experimental device he named the Philosopher's Engine that could transmute any one substance into any other when Squall's storm hit, lightning striking the side of the lab and causing the machine to go haywire spouting particles and radiation until it exploded, knocking Gianni out in the process. When they awoke, Everything left in the ruins had been transmuted, including themself, they had been turned to a scintillating rainbow of elements such as lead, bismuth, and sulfur and whatever they touched would itself be transmuted into something different. After a few years as a medical oddity, they had learned to control their powers, being able to choose what they turned what into, joining the Luminary Society and turning enough trash into gold to allow them to buy an abandoned observation tower to turn into their headquarters, the Luminary Spire.

Technopath, Nathan Sutton, isn't from Midnight Park, he's not even from the east coast. Born in the state of California as the son of the tech billionaire Dell Sutton of Telekinetics Inc, Nathan never faced much hardship growing up and so spent most of their time reading comic books and watching movies. They were big fans of stories about cowboy and pirate vigilantes and secret spies infiltrating the lairs of megalomaniacal masterminds. After hearing of the Luminary Society following the purchase of the Luminary Spire and their growing awareness of their father's love of money over them, he underwent an experimental surgery to have Telekinetics Inc technology installed into his body, becoming a cyborg with built-in radios and electromagnets granting them powers like remote usage of electronics, telekinesis, and more before moving to Midnight Park and applying for the Society several times before getting approved as their youngest member. Silver Sentinel is something of an idol of theirs and they seem potential in the young cyborg and have taken them in as a pupil.

Nightshade, real name Sophia Burke, always preferred plants to people. Plants wouldn't bully you for being weird, plants would always listen to what you have to say, plants would never be "too busy" to pay attention to their child. As she grew, she got a degree in botany and toxicology whilst studying abroad. When she came back however, She discovered that her parents had been murdered. No matter how strained there relationship, she still valued their lives and so went out to try to find the killer, Using her knowledge to blend into the plantlife and apply subtle poisons to their enemies to render them inoperable. Eventually she found the culprit; Everyman, Her parents were corrupt it turns out and had been engaging with drug smuggling for the black market and he couldn't let that stand. Shaken to her core by that discovery but still wanting to put a stop to Everyman's crimes and not believe that they're strong enough, she joined the Luminary Society to train, though her willingness to kill give her a strained relationship with the rest of them.

And that's it. That's them, my boys!

i imagine at least Menoa would, in response to Everyman's semi-fascist outlook, make himself into a hero called "Nuance" that would show up to every attempted murder, and debate the murderer in the middle of them attempting to do the murder.

meanwhile Akari would be the one who actually prevents the crimes.

sorry i'm thinking in terms of me ocs.

[tightjeansjavi]

Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Part 16

“Four Hands Bloodied”

Joel Miller x f! o/c

gif by @riley-keoughs

A/N: the time has finally come for me to put this chapter out there. I took a break from Gwen and Joel after chapter 15 because it took a lot out of me to write it. This chapter actually might hurt more than the last and like I have said before, it doesn’t get any better from here. This entire chapter is all angst so if that isn’t your thing, please don’t read it. Thank you for being patient with me. ♡

~word count: 9.0k~

Summary: after Tess’s death, you, Joel, and Ellie make the trek to Bill and Franks.

Warnings: age gap, (o/c is in her early 30’s and Joel is in his 50’s) established relationship, angst, trauma, regret, guilt, anger, resentment, heartbreak, arguments, depictions of a panic attack, going into shock, two character deaths, (Bill and Frank’s suicide) PTSD, triggering themes that may be disturbing for some viewers. Implicit smut, no description as it’s all about Joel and Gwen’s feelings in the moment, brief mentions of alcohol, unprotected piv, emotions, cock warming but in the sense that they physically do not want to be apart from one another, sad sex is the easiest way to describe it. Some might find their coping mechanisms to be toxic, (+18) minors dni!

Songs for this chapter:

“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo

“Long Long Time” by Linda Rondstadt

“take a moment to breathe” by normal the kid

“Eavesdrop” by The Civil Wars

“Same Old Same Old” by The Civil Wars

“White Lie” by the Civil Wars

“Flicker” by Niall Horan

“Wait” by M83

“On The Nature of Daylight” by Max Richter

“I Can’t Go On Without You” by KALEO

10 miles outside of the Boston QZ

The only visible light source was the oil lamp that sat between yours and Ellie’s sleeping bags. You had unwrapped the cloth from the teens arm before gently cleaning it with a rag doused in rubbing alcohol. Ellie didn’t even flinch as the chemical burned the fresh bite mark on her forearm. You were silent as you gently cleaned the wound. Your mind had completely gone numb. You had entirely shut down sans your aching heart. It ached for Tess. It ached for Bea. It ached for Ellie and it ached for Joel. That was the dangerous thing about loving someone. There would always be an inevitable pain that followed.

“Can you tell me about Bill and Frank?” Ellie had spoken through the thick silence. The soft glow from the oil lamp was casted on both yours and Ellie’s face.

“They’re our long time friends. Well, Joel and…Tess knew them longer than I have. Bill is the ultimate survivalist. He turned his mom’s house into an apocalypse bunker. He’s got security cameras, booby traps, and a giant steel fence that surrounds the town and his property. Bill and Frank are lovers, the unlikely kind. They’re pretty much the polar opposites of each other.” You spoke softly as you grabbed a fresh bandage from your backpack and gently wrapped Ellie’s arm.

“Bill sounds like a fucking badass. How did they end up meeting and falling in love?” Ellie asked, curiosity laced in her tone.

“Oh, he’s a badass alright. Huge grump as well but he reminds me of—” You paused, letting out a sigh as you gathered up your med supplies and tucked them back into your bag. “Frank fell into one of Bill’s many booby traps and the rest is history.”

Ellie could sense your discomfort as she quietly thanked you for tending to her arm. “Are you..okay? I know that’s a silly question to ask considering what happened, but..we can talk about it if you want?”

You dodged her question like it was the fucking plague. “Do you wanna see a picture of them? Well, all of us together actually. It was taken a couple summers ago.” You reached into your backpack once more, searching around till you found the Polaroid photo with the time stamp, June 21st, 2021

The edges of the photo were a bit worn but the colors stayed true. You could taste the warm summer breeze on your tongue. Joel’s laughter and Bill’s grumbling as Frank insisted on taking the photo. “So that pretty little thing is Tess’s girlfriend, Bea. She’s a spitfire. Then those two handsome chaps are Bill and Frank.” You pointed to the two older gentlemen. Frank was beaming in the photo while his lover looked as grumpy as ever.

The photo was taken midway through a game of monopoly. You were all huddled close around the table. The only person who wasn’t focused on the camera was your Joel. He was too busy looking at you.

Your fingers were trembling as you held the photo under the warm glow of the oil lamp. Your lower lip wobbled, but you refused to cry. You had shed more than enough tears that day and your body was spent.

“Gwen..” Ellie whispered, reaching out and gently placing her hand over your trembling one.

“Ellie, please. I can’t talk about this. I’m sorry.” You shakily whispered as you looked up at the teen with glassy eyes.

“Well, it’s a beautiful photo. You all look super happy in it. Well, except for Bill. He looks like one grumpy ass motherfucker. Must have been a fun day, huh?” Ellie spoke softly as she didn’t want to upset you anymore than you already were.

“Oh, it was a super fun day. The happiest that any of us ever were. It was like..this moment outside of reality, where the apocalypse didn’t exist, and we were all just living our lives.”

“That’s beautiful.”

The top of the oil lamp made a low hissing sound from a stray raindrop that had landed on the warm metal. Soft patter of raindrops began to fall between the gaps in the trees. One had landed on Ellie’s nose and she let out a soft sound of annoyance, scrunching her nose up from the intrusion before she threw the hood of her jacket over her head.

“Listen, Ellie. I know why you stood up for me earlier, but..don’t feel like you need to do that alright? Especially when Joel—”

Ellie shook her head as she stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets to keep them warm. “Gwen, I wasn’t just gonna sit there and let him talk to you like that. He was just fucking beating on you the whole time. That wasn’t okay. You know that right?”

You let out a sigh, rubbing your fingers against your temples before you glanced over your shoulder. At the far edge of the camp, you could barely make out Joel’s form laying on his sleeping bag. His back was facing you and he had his gun clutched tightly to his chest.

“I know it wasn’t okay what he did. Look, I just don’t want him thinking that just because he’s going through something, that he just gets to take it out on you now too. I know how to handle him, and I promise you, he won’t ever speak to you that way again. Not while I’m still breathing.”

Ellie nodded as she tucked herself into her sleeping bag and used the light from the oil lamp to read her shitty puns book titled, No Pun Intended: Volume Too

At the far end of the makeshift campsite, Joel was lying on his side. His back was facing you and Ellie far in the distance. He was clutching his rifle to his chest, finger hovering the trigger. It had been hours since Tess had died. Hours since he said the unforgivable to you. Hours since his entire fucking world was turned upside down. He felt lost. Hopeless. Broken. Out of ideas. Most importantly, he was angry at himself. Furious for allowing himself to treat you so cruelly. He knew that apologizing to you would leave him fruitless. His words would mean nothing to you because the damage was already inflicted. Part of him was surprised that you hadn’t left. He couldn’t blame you if you did end up leaving. If he put himself in your shoes, he would be doing the same thing. So what does a man such as himself do now? How does one move forward? How does one forgive themselves for inflicting cruelty on the ones they love the most?

Joel felt the tears prick the corner of his eyes as he quickly blinked them away. He didn’t deserve to cry. Not after what he had done. His heart clenched in on itself when he pictured the way your face fell. The tears streaming down your cheeks. The pain swirling behind your warm irises as you shakily held the barrel of your gun deep into the cavern of his chest.

Joel squeezed his eyes shut tight. Wishing that the images would dissipate from his broken mind. He couldn’t stand it. Knowing that you were yards away from him, hurting and he couldn’t do a goddamn thing to fix it.

Pathetic.

He listened to the whistling of the wind twisting through the trees above. The leaves fluttered. The crickets and forest life sang their songs, but Joel’s mind did not stop reeling. He forced himself to try and get some form of sleep. Even if it was just 20 minutes. Despite everything that happened, he would be damned if he wasn’t alert enough to keep you and Ellie safe through the night.

Just as his mind began to relax and the overall exhaustion had his eyes drooping, he heard a voice whispering through the trees. His ears began to ring and his mind felt fuzzy. The sounds of the forest were muffled by the ringing in his ears. Then, everything went silent. A brief moment of relief, and then he heard her voice again.

Sarah.

Dad. What happened? Dad..I'm sorry about Tess. She’s sorry things ended the way they did. Dad, I know you’re hurting. I know you’re angry, but you hurt Gwen so bad. Why did you do that?

Joel felt the guilt swirl deep in his gut. He was conscious enough to know that he really wasn’t hearing his dead daughter's voice. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. She wasn’t really speaking to him but god, did it fucking hurt to hear his baby girl disappointed in him.

“I’m so sorry baby girl. I know I shouldn’t have treated her that way. I was just so upset, and angry at myself for not bein’ able to protect Tess. I failed her and I know Gwen was only tryin’ to comfort me. I needed her and I pushed her away. I’m so sorry.”

You need her more than ever now. You can’t lose her. Promise me you won’t lose her Dad. You have to show her that you’re better than that. Please. I love you, and I know you’ll do the right thing.

“I promise you that I won’t lose her. I can’t lose her. I love you, and I miss you so fucking much baby girl. Daddy loves you so much.” Joel whispered through the darkness.

I love you.

Joel felt his body cave in on itself, silent sobs wrecked through him as he trembled along the sleeping bag. His grip around the rifle tightened as he tried to bring himself back down to earth. It was too much. Everything was too fucking much. He wished that you were there, holding him, singing to him, comforting him. He desperately yearned for your warm embrace, despite being aware that he didn’t deserve it. Sarah was right, Joel needed you more than ever now.

“Hey kiddo? Try and get some sleep, okay? I’m going to take the first watch. We’re gonna be on the road early tomorrow morning. I promise I'll keep you safe Ellie. No matter what.” You were slowly rising from the forest floor with your gun tucked safely in the holster around your hips.

The teenager looked up at you from her puns book as she slowly nodded. Her eyes were searching yours. You could tell she was looking for comfort, for reassurance that everything was going to be okay. “Thank you, Gwen.” She whispered.

You gave her a small reassuring nod before you stepped over your sleeping bag. You didn’t want to speak to Joel at all. You would have much rather avoided it at all costs. You promised this kid that you would keep her safe and in order to do that, you’d have to bury your hurt feelings, and ego for her sake.

Your approach was quiet, and you could already feel the tears pricking your eyes as you drew near his broad frame curled up on his sleeping bag. You swallowed the lump growing in your throat as you stood over him.

“Joel.”

You heard him take a shuddered inhale as he turned his head over his shoulder, looking up at you. Even in the darkness, you could see the glassy look in his deep pools of brown. Your heart tugged in your chest towards him, but you refused to give in.

“Gwen.” Was all he could muster out.

“I’m taking the first watch. Get some sleep and I'll wake you up when it’s your turn.” You averted making eye contact with him at all and looked off to the side.

“Are you sure?..I can take the first watch—” you cut him off before he could continue.

“No, Joel. It’s fine. Just get some sleep.” You were already turning on your heel to walk away when you felt his warm palm encage around your wrist, ceasing your movements.

“Gwen, I know that you’re upset, you have every right to be—”

“Fucking let go of my wrist right now Joel. Let go of me.” You hissed under your breath as you moved to tug your wrist from his grasp.

“Gwen, please. I can’t—” he pleaded with you.

“Can’t what? Can’t lose me? You can’t lose something that was never yours Joel.” The words rolled bitterly off your tongue. You couldn’t help it. He had hurt you so bad and all you could do was lash out.

“Don’t go fuckin’ sayin’ somethin’ like that when you know it ain’t true.” He harshly whispered, feeling his own bitterness begin to seep through his already broken heart.

“It’s not true? What makes it not true? If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let me go right fucking now.”

“It ain’t true because I know you’re angry, you’re upset, and you’re hurt, but you don’t actually feel that way..you don’t. I know you don’t.” His grip loosened just enough for you to pull your wrist free.

“Don’t you dare fucking tell me how I feel, Joel. Don’t you dare.” You were seething at this point, blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill over. You gave him one last harsh look before you were quickly retreating from him.

Joel let his hand drop to the forest floor, gripping the grass between his fingers. He tore up grass and dirt beneath his palms. His fingernails caked in dirt as he tore up more of the grassy earth. He watched you walk away from him and did nothing about it. You needed more time, that was all. He tried to convince himself that you’d forgive him eventually. That you still loved him. He knew he was being selfish for allowing his thoughts to focus on your feelings towards him. Had he really learned nothing?

Of course you still loved him. Of course you fucking did and the worst part? There was nothing you could do to stop it. Joel was far too deeply entangled in your soul for you to not love him. You were doing this for Ellie. You weren’t doing this for him, or yourself, you were doing this for the 14 year old girl that wasn’t even sure if she would live to see another day.

It was sometime in the middle of the night when you had gone to wake up Joel so he could take the second watch. You kicked his boot hard with your own, startling him awake but you didn’t care. As soon as he was sitting up with his rifle at the ready, you were already walking back to your sleeping bag and climbing into its confines.

Joel had let out a grumble sigh as he slowly rose from his sleeping bag. He reloaded his rifle effortlessly before he was quietly walking past yours and Ellie’s sleeping bags. He stopped briefly as he glanced down at your curled up form under the confines of the sleeping bag. He let his eyes gaze over to Ellie’s before he walked away. He was standing close enough to both of your sleeping bags to shield you if needed. Now that he was forced awake, his mind had the free rein to tear him up even more than he had already felt.

Ellie was the first to wake up while Joel was still on watch. She slowly sat up from the warm confines of her sleeping bag. She hadn’t noticed Joel at first as she was still in a sleepy state and her body was still waking up. She rubbed the eye crusties away with a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head. There was a slight chill in the fresh morning air and she was immediately reaching for her jacket to block out the chill. She zoned in on the sound of a twig snapping and her head snapped towards where the noise was emitting from. She let out a visible sigh of relief when she realized it was just Joel. “Morning.” She mumbled quietly as she stood up.

Joel let out a deep sigh, his jaw clenching as he looked over at the teenager. “Mornin.’” He mumbled back.

Ellie hesitantly walked towards him as she slipped her jacket on and shoved her hands in the worn pockets for extra warmth. She glanced towards your sleeping bag where you were still fast asleep. “Should we wake her up?”

“No.” He shook his head. “She’s been through enough. We’ll just let her sleep a little longer. It’s the least I can do for her. Are..you hungry?”

Ellie was tugging on a loose thread inside her jacket pocket absentmindedly. She looked over at Joel and gave him a slight nod. “Yeah, I am.”

Joel reached into his own jacket pocket and pulled out the last ration of his jerky and held it out to her. “Here. You can have what’s left of mine.” This was his own way of extending the figurative olive branch to her.

Ellie looked at Joel wearily. She wasn’t necessarily his biggest fan at the moment but would hating this man she barely knew, really do any good? You and Joel were the only sense of security she had now. She trusted you, but Joel? Not nearly as much. Nonetheless, she reached her hand out and grabbed the wrapped jerky. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Joel knew he was going to have to say more than that to get through to Ellie. He was going to have to try a lot harder than that.

“Listen..” He hesitated. “I know that yesterday was a lot. I know you were only tryin’ to help and stick up for Gwen, and i’m sorry for the way that I spoke to ya. You’re just a kid, and I shouldn’t have said the things I did Ellie.”

Ellie had torn off a small piece of jerky before quietly chewing it. She refused to make eye contact with him and reverted to staring off in the distance. “I don’t believe you.”

When Joel didn’t respond, Ellie took this opportunity to tell him how she really felt. “Look, I'm sorry that Tess died. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to protect her. I’m sure you wanted to throw the blame on me, right? You needed a truck battery and no one made you take me. You made the choice, but that doesn’t mean you get to blame me, or Gwen for the outcome of your choice. So don’t stand there and fucking sugar coat anything to me Joel.”

Joel was not expecting this kind of response from Ellie at all but he knew she was right. He couldn’t blame her or you for what happened to Tess. No one deserved to take the blame for her death. He knew he shouldn’t blame himself either, but he did. He was still angry at himself for not being able to do more.

“You’re right. I don’t get to blame you or Gwen for my choices. Neither of you are to blame for Tess’s death. Look, all I'm askin’ is that you try and look past all that. Gwen and I can keep you safe, but it ain’t gonna work if we’re not all on the same page. You get what I'm sayin’?”

Ellie snorted under her breath at his response. “Sure. Right. Well, I don’t really have much of a choice now do I? I’m unfortunately stuck with you. Good luck getting her back man. Pretty sure its gonna take a fuckin’ miracle for her to ever forgive you.”

“Will you help me?”

“Why the hell would I do that?” Ellie quipped back.

“Cause if you wanna stay alive, and make it to the fireflies, you’re gonna need both of us to get you there.”

Ellie thought for a moment on her follow up answer. She could have the upperhand on this situation if she really wanted to.

“Fine. My one condition is that I get a gun too.”

Joel scoffed at her request and immediately shook his head. “Absolutely fuckin’ not. I ain’t givin’ a 14 year old a gun.”

Ellie shrugged with a faux sigh of disappointment. “Well, guess we don’t have a deal.”

“I’ll teach you to shoot, but you ain’t gettin’ a gun, kid.”

“Deal.” Ellie said with a small grin on her face.

You had awoken from your dreamless slumber shortly after Joel and Ellie had come to their own agreement. You were already rolling up your sleeping bag, and packing your bag. You had said good morning to Ellie, but the only acknowledgment you gave to Joel’s existence was a slight nod of your head in his direction. At least soon you would be reunited with Frank, and one of his warm bear hugs. You couldn’t wait to see him, and well..Bill too of course.

The sun was high in the sky now as the three of you walked a route that was familiar to you and Joel. You and Ellie had taken a couple detours to rescue a few butterflies. Joel couldn’t help but watch you as you carefully guided a monarch butterfly onto your finger, and placed it on a nearby milkweed plant. He saw the softness in your face, and the lightness in your eyes for a brief moment before it was gone again.

The next critters you and Ellie found were two garden snakes. Neither one of you were fearful of the creatures as you gently picked the snake up. The creature wrapped itself around your wrist lightly as you lightly stroked the top of its small scaly head. It was a nice moment that you and the teenager were able to share together. You both set the snakes down in a grassy patch and watched them slither away.

Joel took no part in any of it, but you could feel his gaze burning into the side of your face constantly.

You were telling Ellie more stories of Bill and Frank as the hike continued. Joel had found himself stopped in his tracks when he saw a purple butterfly land along your shoulder. Its wings slowly opened as it was soaking in the warmth of the sunlight. You hadn’t noticed the delicate creature using your shoulder as a perch to sunbathe on. Joel remembered the first time you and him saw a purple butterfly land on his nose two summers ago at Bill and Franks. He immediately knew it was his daughter then, and his daughter now.

His eyes stayed locked on the delicate creature as he walked close behind you. The butterfly stayed on your shoulder for a few minutes longer before fluttering away. His eyes followed the creature till he could see it no more.

“How’d you get that scar on your head?” Ellie asked, tearing him from his thoughts suddenly.

When he didn’t immediately respond, Ellie kept pressing.

“What? Is it something lame? Like you fell down the stairs or something?” She couldn’t help but be a little curious.

“I didn’t fall down any stairs, kid.”

“Okay..so what happened then?”

“Someone shot at me and missed.” He grumbled.

“See, that’s so fuckin’ cool. You shoot back?” Ellie was looking up at him now.

“Yeah.”

“Wicked. You get him?”

“No. I missed, too. It happens more often than you think.” Joel’s eyes locked on yours momentarily as you glanced over your shoulder at the pair. His and your expressions were unreadable.

“‘Cause you suck at shooting or, like in general you mean?”

“In general.” His response was gruff and he hoped to god she didn’t ask him anything else about it.

As soon as he saw her opening her mouth again, he cut her off before she could ask him another question.

“You ask a lot of goddamn questions, you know that kid?”

“Yes, I do.” Ellie responded with a cheshire cat grin.

The three of you stopped at Cumberland Farms. It was the gas station that you, Joel, and Tess would stash ammo and supplies when you were short on gear.

Ellie immediately zoned in on an old arcade game that was covered in dust in debris. She had a childlike excitement in her eyes as she started pressing all the buttons. “No way! You ever play this one? I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth, and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones!” It was clear to you that the teenager was reliving a fond memory just based on her excitement. It was nice to see that the apocalypse hadn’t killed her spirit entirely.

“Ah. Oh, man. You forgot where you put your stuff.” Ellie spoke observantly as Joel was looking for the loose floorboard where the extra ammo was stashed.

“What? No. I’m just zeroin’ in on it is all. It’s been a couple years.” He grumbled.

“He doesn’t remember.” You whispered to the teenager before walking down the aisle where you knew the ammo was stashed. You had to kick some debris and other crap off of it before you got down on your knees and started to lift the floorboards. Joel had come alongside you, crouching besides you as he helped you lift the boards. Your hands brushed momentarily but you ignored him entirely as you pulled out a couple guns, packs of food, and bullet cartridges.

“Okay, well, i’m gonna take a look around, see if there’s anything good.” Ellie’s voice was distant as she was already walking towards the back of the store.

“Trust me, it’s all been picked over already.” Joel responded as he grabbed the carton of bullet cartridges from you to reload his gun.

“Maaaybe, Maybe not. Is there anything bad in here?” Ellie asked.

“Just you.” He gruffly spoke.

“Ah. Getting funnier.” You already picture Ellie’s little grin as you were reloading your own gun.

“Are you going to talk to me at all?” Joel was looking at you now. He was trying to gauge exactly where your head was at that moment and you knew it.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Joel.” You finished loading your gun before grabbing the bags of canned food and stuffed it into your backpack.

“Bullshit.”

“Can you just respect the fact that I don’t want to fucking talk to you? Stop trying to pressure me. If I wanted to talk to you then I would, but I don’t. So leave me alone.” You lowly whispered as you stood up.

“You can’t push me away forever. We have to talk eventually, Gwen.”

“I sure as hell can fucking try and push you away for as long as I see fit.” You zipped up your bag in a haste, swinging it over your shoulder.

Neither of you could hear Ellie at this point as you were both too caught up in your own emotions.

“Ellie?”

No response.

You and Joel both had your guns at the ready as you walked towards the back of the store.

“Ellie?” You and Joel called her name again. She was only gone for a few minutes. What the hell could have happened in that amount of time.

“Picked over, my ass.” The teen gleefully was holding up a box of tampons in her hand as you turned the corner.

“Don’t go fuckin’ scarin’ us like that.” Joel had lowered his gun at his side.

“Yeah, okay. Sorry.” She mumbled sheepishly.

After reloading on ammo, the three of you were back on the trail. You knew that you were nearing Bill and Franks based on the scenery. The plane wreck up along the farside of the hill, and the graves that lay ahead.

“Holy shit. You fly in one of those before Joel?” Ellie asked.

Joel glanced towards the wreckage he had seen about a dozen or so times now. “Yeah, a few times, sure. It ain’t all cracked up to what you think it is. Gettin’ shoved in a middle seat, next to either some stuffy guy, or an annoyin’ kid. Pay 12 bucks for a damn sandwich.”

“Dude, you got to go up in the sky!”

Joel sighed, adjusting the strap of his rifle on his shoulder. “Yeah, well, so did they.” He grimly responded.

“So, everything came crashing down in one day?” She was still looking towards the plane wreck. It was hard for her to look away. So many lives on that singular plane were lost. It was haunting to think about.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Okay..but how? I mean…no one was infected with the Cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. Then, all at once? How the hell did it even start? Cause if you have to be bit to get infected, who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”

Joel scoffed under his breath, shaking his head slightly in her direction. “It wasn’t a monkey. Didn’t you go to school? I’d think they would explain this shit to you.”

“FEDRA school. They didn’t teach us shit on how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”

Joel took a deep breath, a shaky inhale. He really did not want to be having this conversation right now, but he couldn’t fault Ellie on her natural curiosity. She was just a kid after all.

“Well, no one really knows for sure, but, best guess I got..Cordyceps mutated. Thinkin’ some of it got into the food supply. Probably a basic ingredient that everyone uses. Like flour, or sugar. There were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, across the world. Bread, cereal…pancake mix. So, you eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food hits all the store shelves around the same time, Thursday. People bought it, ate some Thursday night, or Friday morning. Day goes on..they started gettin’ sick. By the afternoon, evenin’, they got worse. Then they started bitin’. Friday night, September 26, 2003. By Monday, everything was gone.

Silence fell between Joel and Ellie, and you could tell that Joel’s mind was reeling now. You weren’t looking back at him, but you just had a feeling that he was picking at his cuticles to distract himself. You weren’t there to hold his hand.

Once you were nearing the gravesite, Joel had gently grabbed Ellie’s forearm to hold her back. “Hang on just a minute, kid. I don’t want you goin’ up there. We’re gonna cut through the woods.”

Ellie looked up at him before her gaze fell on you. “Wait, isn’t the road easier?”

“Yeah, it’s just…There’s stuff up there that you shouldn’t see.” Joel was honest. He remembered the first time you saw the gravesite. Your reaction was the same as Tess’s but it hurt him 10x more to see you sob for the innocent lives taken.

“Well, now I have to see. It can’t be that bad, right?”

“Ellie. I don’t want you too. I’m tryin’ to protect you. I’m serious.” Joel was stern with his tone. He really did not want her seeing those kinds of horrors.

“Can it hurt me?”

“No. That ain’t the point though. I don’t want you seein’ it.” He let out a defeated sigh when the teen had slipped her wrist from his grasp and was already walking ahead.

“You’re too honest, man. Should’ve said it was an axe murderer or something. Michael Meyers, Freddy Krueger, Jason. That would have scared me, maybe.” She had come to a sudden stop when she stumbled upon the gravesite. “Uh…whatever it was…think it’s gone.” She looked over her shoulder at you and Joel.

“About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers…went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Said you were goin’ to a QZ, and you were…if there was room. If there wasn’t…”

You were standing alongside him now, fingers twitching at your side. It was taking all the willpower you had left to not reach out and grab his hand.

“These people weren’t sick?”

“No, probably not.” Joel turned his head slightly to look at you. His eyes casted down to your hand, he watched your fingers twitch and he ever so slightly extended his hand towards you hesitantly.

“Why kill them? Why didn’t they just leave ‘em be?” Ellie looked between the two of you.

You finally met his gaze when he had outstretched his hand in your direction. Your hand did not move towards him. It stayed planted to your side.

“Dead people can’t be infected.” Joel somberly responded.

It was late afternoon when the three of you arrived at Bill and Frank's compound. Joel typed the code into the keypad and watched the metal fence creak open. As you neared their quaint home, you immediately sensed something was wrong. The flowers in the front of the white picket fence were wilted, dried up, dead. Frank never let his flowers wilt. He never would abandon them. He loved each and every one of his plants–oh god.

Joel was already reaching for your arm on instinct to hold you back. He knew whatever laid behind that door was not good. He wanted to protect you from it, shield you from the truth that laid within. He couldn’t because you were too quick, too determined as you slipped your wrist out of his grasp and ran up the steps. Your gun was drawn as you pushed open the door quietly.

“Bill?..”

“Frank?..”

“Oh god, please. No. No. No. Bill?! Frank?!” You observed the front entryway that you had passed through so many times. You saw the flies buzzing on the dining room table. There were two plates of rotting food. For how long? You were unsure, but based on the flies, it had to have been days, weeks even.

They could not be dead. Not your Frank. He was not dead. You desperately tried to convince yourself as you frantically called their names, over and over again.

“BILL?!

“FRANK?!” Your voice cracked as you neared their bedroom door, your hand was grasped around the handle but before you could push open the door, Joel was grabbing you, his arms were around your waist protectively and that's all you needed to finally break down and sob. They were dead. Your friends were fucking dead behind that door.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME! GET OFF OF ME JOEL!” You let out a wail as you turned around in his arms and frantically pushed and punched his chest. “GET OFF OF ME!”

Joel felt his heart twist painfully in his chest as you fought against him. He was holding himself together as best as he could as you cried for your dead friends. “Gwen. Gwen. Baby, please please please stop fighting me. Please! I’m so sorry–”

You broke free of his loose grip as you collapsed down to your knees. Your own arms wrapped around your shaking frame as you let out heavy, heart wrenching sobs. Your vision was blurred by salty tears as you completely caved in on yourself.

Joel was frozen on the spot, his expression stoic, and unreadable. He didn’t know what the fuck to do. What could he do? Bill and Frank were dead. They were dead and he couldn’t comfort you the way he so desperately wanted.

Ellie had watched the whole thing go down from the open doorway. She brought her hand up to her face when she watched you collapse to the floor in a heap of sobs. She pushed herself past Joel before sinking down to her own knees. Suddenly, her arms were around you, she was hugging you tightly, doing her best to try and comfort you.

You only sobbed harder. A bone chilling wail slipped past your cracked lips as you struggled to breathe. Your senses were on overdrive. You were panicking, and Joel recognized it immediately. He was gently grasping Ellie’s shoulders in his trembling palms. “Ellie, move. Please. She needs room to breathe.” He spoke gently to her, easing the teen up from the floor before he sank down to his knees in front of you.

You vaguely could feel his rough palms grasping your tear stained cheeks in a feather light hold. Your ears were ringing, lungs on fire. Joel’s voice sounded muffled and far away. Your head felt dizzy, you swore you were seeing stars behind your eyes as the color drained from your face completely. You had gone sheet white, like a ghost. Heart thrumming rapidly against your ribcage.

“Gwen? Hey..baby. Listen to me, alright? I need you to take some deep breaths for me okay? Deep breaths. Ready? I’ll do them with you.” His tone was soft, tender, and reassuring.

Joel took a deep lungful of air, his eyes never leaving yours as you followed with a deep shaky inhale. You did this a few more times together, and he watched in relief when the color slowly returned to your face.

As soon as you were in a conscious state, you were pushing him away again, far away as your body trembled from shock.

Ellie was close by. She was holding a piece of paper between her fingers. A letter from Bill.

“Read it, Please Ellie.” You whispered.

“Read it.” Joel gave her a small nod of encouragement as he rose to his feet.

August 29th, 2023

“To whomever…but probably Joel.. If you find this…please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell, but it would probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehehehe. Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code but in reverse. Anyway…I never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends…almost. And I respect you. So, I'm gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do. And God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep…Gwen safe, until such time as you and she decide you’ve had enough. At that point, I recommend pairing 40 Vicodins with a nice Brunello.”

Bill

Suicide.

Bill and Frank died together. In one another’s arms. A poetic death for two people who found love in the apocalypse.

Joel had grabbed the letter from her and quietly folded it up before slipping it into his pocket. He wanted to mourn the death of his friends but now was not the time. He had a job to do, like Bill had said. He had to protect you, and Ellie. That was his sole purpose, and he would be damned if he didn’t follow through with it. “Show me your arm.” He plainly requested.

Ellie looked confused momentarily before she slowly rolled up her sleeve. The bite mark on her arm hadn’t gotten worse.

“I’ve… got a brother out in Wyoming. He’s in some kind of trouble. That’s why I needed the truck battery so desperately. I gotta go out there and find him. He used to be a Firefly, and my guess is he’ll know where some of them are out there. If that's the case, maybe he can get you to whatever lab this is.”

“Okay.”

“We’re gonna gather up on supplies and I'm going to get the truck battery charged up. I need you to bring her upstairs and get her in the shower. Can you do that for me, Ellie? There should be a box of women’s clothing in the closet. I’ll worry about gettin’ the supplies we need.”

“Shouldn’t you be taking care of her?”

Joel grinded his teeth together, clenching his jaw tightly. “She doesn’t want me takin’ care of her right now. She trusts you.” He stated it like it was the obvious.

“Okay.”

“One more thing, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves. Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about…your condition. They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three, you do what I say when I say it. We clear?”

“Yes.” Ellie responded.

“Repeat it.” He requested.

“What you say goes.”

Joel gave the teen a small nod before he was glancing down at your position on the floor. Your knees were pulled up to your chest, and your eyes were glazed over in a dead stare. Once Joel’s heavy boots could no longer be heard along the hardwood, Ellie slowly crouched down in front of you.

“Gwen?”

Your eyes flitted over to hers in acknowledgment.

“Joel wants me to get you in the shower. Do you need help getting up?”

You shook your head before slowly pulling yourself up to your feet. You led the way upstairs, pushing back the wonderful memories you shared in this home to the deep part of your brain.

Joel was grabbing you then, grasping your hips as he pulled you flush against his chest. His hand that wasn’t holding you firmly came up to your face, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “What was that about me bein’ pretty awful? I heard that correctly, didn’t I?” His tone was low, teasing.

You immediately brought your arms around his neck and threaded your fingers through his soft curls. “That was nothing, honey. I was just joking. You’re far from awful.”

Before he could steal a kiss, you were slipping out of his grasp like the little tease you were. You had a smirk spread across your lips as you leaned against the doorway. “C’mon, we’re not gonna spend all day up here okay? We’ll have all night for that Joel.” You shot him a wink before slipping past the door and headed back downstairs.

“Gwen?” Ellie was standing alongside you as you stopped in front of the guest room that you and Joel spent a lot of time together in.

“What? I’m…sorry. A lot of memories here. C’mon.” You walked further down the hall and entered a different room. Ellie could only watch as you quietly walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. Even after she heard the shower turn on, she sat against the closed door waiting for you.

As the water streamed down your body, washing away dirt, grime, filth, and blood from your body, more memories seeped through the cracks. Silent sobs slipped past your parted lips. You brought your hand up to your mouth to hide the sound of your cries.

He surprised you then, reaching for your hand before he helped you up from the couch gently.

“Dance with me?”

“I never thought you’d ask, cowboy.” You took his hand then as he helped you up. You were a little unsteady on your feet, while his free hand was gently splayed across your lower back as he pulled you into chest, holding you as close as he physically could. Your hearts were practically intertwined as he slowly started to sway with you. Your fingers were interlocked between his other hand while you brought your freehand to his shoulder, playing with the worn fabric of his flannel gently. He dipped his head down slightly, his forehead resting against yours. His warm brown eyes, locked on yours. You continued to slowly sway, taking in this private moment as he whispered the lyrics lowly between you. His voice was warm, inviting, deep and it settled within your bones. “I had the last waltz with you. Two lonely people together. I fell in love with you..the last waltz should last forever..”

He kissed you then. Closing the small gap between you finally. You didn’t even pull away as the record crackled as the song came to an impending end. You continued to kiss him, tasting the sweet wine on his tongue. His breath hitching, his fingers tightening along the exposed sliver of skin of your lower back. You breathed him in, letting his kiss settle deep within your soul.

You scrubbed your skin raw as the scalding water burned. You welcomed the pain without a fuss.

Ellie had stood up once she heard the water turn off and she moved away from the door when it opened. Your eyes were still bloodshot but at least you clean now.

“There should still be some hot water left. Take your time.” You walked past her, going to the closet to pull down the box of women, and men’s clothes that were stored there.

You set out fresh clothes for Ellie and grabbed a new flannel for Joel. You recognized it as Frank’s immediately. You clutched the fabric tightly to your chest, squeezing your eyes shut tightly.

Joel was busying himself in the garage. He was attaching the battery to Bill’s truck and he hoped to god the engine would run. He wiped the sweat beading along his forehead with the back of his hand. Letting out a heavy sigh as his mind drifted to the memories he shared here with his friends, and you.

“Joel, honey?..” you spoke softly through the warm breeze.

“Hmm?” He mumbled softly, blinking a few times as he tilted his head forward once more and looked at the wildflower crown between your fingers. “Oh, that’s beautiful sugar. You want me to put it on you?”

You turned your head slightly so you could look at him. “I was gonna ask if I could put it on you.”

“Oh? No baby, it’ll look beautiful on you. It’ll look silly on me.”

“No it won’t, Joel. You’ll look handsome, I promise.”

How could he really say no to you? Especially when you looked so carefree, so happy. It was just a little flower crown after all. Maybe he wouldn’t end up looking silly.

“Oh, alright. Go ahead. Lay it on me” he watched as you gently lowered the flower crown on top of his soft curls. Your smile was so soft, so beautiful.

“So, how do I look? Still ruggedly handsome?”

You nodded and brushed your fingers against his jaw gently. “No, you look beautiful Joel.”

He slammed the hood of the truck shut, cursing under his breath before he kicked at the tire with his worn boot.

You grabbed one of his hands then and brought it up to your lips, pressing a kiss to his palm before interlocking your fingers with his. “I know honey, I got you, you got me. It’s okay. Please, don’t make me beg you.”

“You got me, I got you.” He let out a puff of air against the back of your neck as he slipped his legs between yours. He let his free hand, that wasn’t grasped between your fingers, grab ahold of himself before he gently, and slowly slipped himself between your slick, warm folds.

“I love you.” you whispered quietly. You were unsure if your confession was due to all the wine you consumed. Or if it was your sober thoughts, coming out in drunk words, or a mix of both.

“I love you, always.” He whispered back, tightening his hold around your waist, smiling against your soft skin when he felt your lips brush against his knuckles.

“God fucking dammit. Fuck.” He let out a pained groan, running his fingers through his hair, gripping the tendrils tightly. It physically brought him pain knowing that you were suffering upstairs. Fuck this world. Fuck the cordyceps. Fuck it all.

Joel passed you on your way down the stairs, you wordlessly tossed the flannel in his direction. Your shoulders brushed slightly as you slipped past him. You sat outside in the familiar field of wildflowers.

It felt like hours had passed by the time Ellie had found you and told you it was time to head out. You said a silent goodbye to your friends. To Bill, Frank, and Tess as the teen helped you up from the grassy floor.

You chose to sit in the backseat of the pickup truck while Ellie took shot-gun. It was clearly Ellie’s first time in a car as she was curiously looking around. She wasn’t even sure what Joel meant by a seatbelt, till he was reaching over and buckling her in.

“It’s like a spaceship.” She spoke in wonderment.

“No, it’s like a piece of shit Chevy S10, but it’ll get us there…I think.” Joel responded, glancing back at you in the rearview mirror. He put the truck in reverse, saying a silent goodbye to Bill and Frank before driving out of the compound.

A tape in the truck started to play, “Long Long Time” by Linda Ronstadt.

You and Joel locked eyes for a fleeting moment before you both looked away.

Joel drove a few miles but as night was steadfast approaching, he found a quiet part in the forest to make camp for the night.

Ellie was fast asleep in her own sleeping bag, and you and Joel were sitting far away from one another.

Your mind had gone numb as you clutched a bottle of red wine in your grasp. A bottle of Brunello, just as Bill had suggested. You tipped the bottle to the stars shining above, thanking Bill and Frank for being in your life before you took a sip. The wine burned down your raw throat, but you appreciated the warmth that settled in your stomach.

You looked over your shoulder at Joel, who was sitting up on his sleeping bag. His back was facing you, Shoulders slumped inwards. You weren’t sure what exactly came over you, or why you suddenly were walking towards him, but it was too late to turn back.

You slowly sank down on the sleeping bag beside him. Shoulders brushing, knees touching. You were holding the bottle outstretched to him. Perhaps this was your own way of extending the olive branch. Or, you were simply seeking comfort in the only way you knew.

Joel wordlessly took the bottle from you, his fingers brushing yours. He tipped the rim of the bottle back, taking a long sip before he set it down between his knees.

“Joel.” You whispered with uncertainty laced in your tone.

“Gwen.” He croaked out.

“Please. Please make the pain go away. Please, Joel. I’m begging you.” You confessed, eyes glassy, lips trembling.

Joel inhaled a shaky breath, slowly turning his chin in your direction so he could meet your gaze. “How can I make the pain go away, my sweet girl.” he whispered.

You were reaching for the bottle between his knees, grasping it before you took another swig. You set the bottle on the side before you were grabbing his hands, interlocking your fingers together. “Please don’t make me say it.” You pleaded with him.

Joel instinctively scooted himself closer to you. You could feel his warm breath fanning your cheeks. You could feel his heartbeat thrumming in his chest. “I’ll make the pain go away. Okay baby? I’ll make it go away.” He promised you.

Your eyes fluttered shut when you felt his nose lightly brush against yours. You could taste the wine on his breath. He had given your hands a reassuring squeeze as he closed the small gap between you. This was a kiss you had never shared with him. Equally desperate, equally broken. Two people, two survivors, falling back on the one thing they knew could heal them. Joel kissed you slow, deep, tenderly. His hands had left yours only to gently cup your face in his warm palms. When he felt your tears freely fall, he gently brushed them away. “Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay Gwen. I got you. You’re safe. I’m here.” He whispered against your lips, tasting your salty tears and residue of wine on his tongue.

He slowly coaxed you into his lap, pulling the sleeping bag around both of your bodies. Concealing yourselves from the forest. His lips never left yours as he gently pushed your pants past your hips along with your panties. His own jeans were pushed past his thighs. You pushed his flannel down his arms before pulling his shirt over his head. You were both desperate for skin to skin contact. Your bodies craved to be as close as possible. Your own shirt was soon discarded as your chests were pressed flush together.

Joel’s arms were tightly wound around your body, your arms mirrored his own. You were hugging each other tightly, nails scraping against scarred skin as he slowly jutted his hips into yours. Harsh inhale, shaky exhale, breaths mingling. He fucked into you slow, deep. He pulled, you pushed. Tears streamed down your faces as you made broken love to each other. Salt mixed with saliva. Whimpers, broken moans were devoured endlessly. “I got you, you got me.” He whispered. “You got me, I got you.” You whispered back, completing your oath to one another.

You clenched, he twitched. Your bodies trembled as you came undone around each other. He stilled inside of you, holding you close as he pressed feather light kisses all over your face before he was resting his sweaty forehead against yours. Neither of you moved as he went soft inside of you. The idea of breaking the connection between your two entwined bodies was not an option. Neither of you could stomach it.

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I need you by my side. I can’t do this on my own. I’m incapable without you. I understand if you want to leave, and I won’t try and stop you if you do. I know I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve you, but please stay.” Joel finally spoke through the darkness. His eyes were searching yours. This was his final plea to you.

There was so much you wanted to say. It was on the tip of your tongue, teetering over the edge as your fingers threaded themselves into his sweat soaked hair.

“I’m not going anywhere, cowboy.”

Please don’t hurt me again.

Tag list: @chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @yuly@soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @myrealmofchaos @itskenziebb @lovers-liability @korynnekorynne @ems-alexandra @kirsteng42 @casssiopeia @novemberrain-writes @goodwithcheese @loquaciousferret @sarahhxx03 @777-wonders @bonglorddaryl @mirasantidotes @luvrking @finnsbubblegum @atinylittlepain @last-girl @pedrostories @yazsos @pedgeitopascal @wildemaven

[imagoddamnonionmason]

OC Showcase

I was tagged by @alypink and @frankwoods to do a little showcase of your OCs favourite things!

I'm gonna do Mother and Daughter duo: Jodie and Ashley Woods!

Jodie

Name: Jodie Hall (later becomes Jodie Woods, but I have yet to complete that transition).

Universe: Black Ops (Cold War onwards - she is "Bell")

Favourite Book and why?: I feel like Jodie would like either something factual or romance novels - I think a favourite of hers would be Pride and Prejudice.

Favourite piece of clothing they own: probably a sweater, maybe shirt of Frank's that she's stolen. She doesn't really fuss about clothing too much so probably wouldn't name any one item as her favourite!

Favourite piece of clothing they wished they owned: again, she doesn't really think of clothing like this. I can say, though, that she remembers her mum wearing a pendant around her neck - it's one of the memories she thinks is her own and the pendant is the clearest part. She wishes she had that.

Favourite "little treat": something sweet, simple, so most likely chocolate. Doesn't matter what kind, she'll love it. (Though if you were to add a strawberry or two to the mix, she'd definitely would love that.)

Favourite person in their lives: oooh, in what context? Cause it's a given that Frank and Ashley would take up that mantle, but that's family. Friends? It's Sarah Mason. Sorry Alex, your wife is stealing one of your close friends lol

Dream home (if there were no obstacles, financial or otherwise): somewhere secluded, far away from everyone and everything - quiet, peaceful. A cabin, next to a lake. It would be decently sized, but hard to find. Only people who she'd trust would know the location. It would be warm and cozy, void of any reminders of her past and focused entirely on providing comfort for her family.

Dream life: Now, I have to say that Jodie doesn't think of this - thinking about what could have been only perpetuates this sense of anger and resentment within her, so she usually doesn't entertain questions like this. After all, she ends up with a loving husband, a wonderful daughter and friends she can trust. What else could she ever want other than that? But, if you catch her at the right time, she might express that she had everything she does now, "but I'd like for my brother to have seen it".

Ashley

Name: Ashley Woods

Universe: Black Ops

Favourite book and why?: The Green Mile by Stephen King - the ending made her cry when she first read it as a teenager. The story of someone being in pain, despite doing what they can to help people, and then being persecuted for not being understood, yeah, hit her in the feels a little bit.

Favourite piece of clothing they own: a leather jacket her parents bought her, she wore it everywhere - got pretty sad when she outgrew it.

Favourite piece of clothing they wished they owned: her dad's bandana. Growing up, she remembers seeing all of the photos where he's wearing it and she thought he looked so cool. He caught her wearing it once, was like looking in a mirror. He quickly asked for it back, which upset her a little bit, but Frank didn't exactly want to see her as a little soldier. Plus, the bandana means a lot to him - as she matures, she gets why she wasn't allowed it.

Favourite "little treat": Ashley is just like her mother, but her sweet tooth is generalised - you got any sweets on you, she'll probably stick her hand out, wiggle her fingers and silently wait for you to hand one over. Chewy sweets are her favourite kind, but she has fond memories as a little kid, where she'd toddle downstairs and find her mom stood in the kitchen, eating that little bit of chocolate comfort. Jodie would hold the bar out to her, wiggle it a little in an offer, and watch as a little Ashley would nearly fall over her feet to hop over.

Only one piece, though, because they should both be in bed and Frank might give a disapproving look of "chocolate at 3 in the morning?? where was my invitation".

Favourite person in their lives: David. From being little, he was always her favourite - then they grew up as good friends, still her favourite. He lost that privilege for a short while when he left for the military, because she felt left behind. But then quickly became her favourite again. They marry later down the line and he continues to be her favourite person.

Dream home: your stereotypical white picket fence house. Good size, decent garden for her future kids to play in, great home to host friends and family. But also, big enough so she could probably hide a room behind a bookcase door and be secretive lmao

Dream life: A life filled with adventure and fun, a life where no one in her family suffers. A life where David still has his parents - she thinks they would have made brilliant grandparents. Yeah, just a life without pain but still filled with a lot of adventure (she'd probably still choose to join the military in this dream life, too, just because that was a dream career!)

Tag List:

@revnah1406 @walder-138 @buckaroovice @doodling-doodle @justasmolbard @deeptrashwitch @iamcautiouslyoptimistic @socially-awkward-skeleton