#and youre telling me that doesnt leave a scar? i call bullshit

[s0fter-sin]

i miss when we all interpreted shigaraki’s quirk as true decay rather than just reducing things to dust. i remember fics that had him rot things as he touched them and it was so much more visceral

[larnax]

ok im not strong enough. hater mode activate.

im only so angry about this because its the first time ive ever seen bottom surgery even mentioned in a fandom context and its to shit on it. im gpnna turn into the joker

easy to DIY" this is dumb for the same reason "DIY wheelchair ramps" are dumb. gcs and making hrt both take skill and knowledge the average person does not have. DIY hrt saves lives and is many peoples' only option i am not disagreeing with that but its not your buddy brent making it in his bathtub its someone who has the medical knowledge who just isnt operating in an official capacity. you cannot do it Yourself unless you want to end up injecting olive oil. this is even more true for surgery. do you think you could perform a DIY vaginectomy????? have at least a baseline respect for the people who developed gcs procedures and the people who perform them

"leaves scars" every non op trans person owes me $500USD. i am so fucking tired of people who never bothered to address their internalized ableism/transphobia about ew yuck icky scars making that my problem by loudly announcing how disgusted they are by an extremely normal part of the human experience. there is nothing wrong with having visible scarring and there is nothing wrong with surgical scarring and acting like there is provably makes people avoid procedures that would unambiguously improve their lives

"certain procedures can be risky" aw cmon bud we all know which procedures you mean! pretty please keep fearmongering about how risky bottom surgery is otherwise someone might decide to actually get a surgery which has an extremely normal success rate for surgeries. yes they make you sign a bunch of forms acknowledging the risk thats called Informed Consent and 90% of the complications are true for literally any surgery or literally any surgery on the urethra/genitals. bottom surgery is not some uniquely dangerous procedure

"implants and bottom surgery highly imperfect" every non op trans person owes me $1000USD. would you say this about any other aspect of transition? is there any fucking room in your head for the fact that postop trans people actually exist in real life and could possibly see you talking about how disgusting you find them? because im 1) real and 2) fucking your mother with my Imperfect Dick right now

"doesnt leave scars/looks completely natural" every non op trans person owes me $1500USD. this stupid fucking idea people have that The Natural Body is 1) even a thing and 2) something we should aspire to or protect is so wildly transphobic and ableist that it, too, turns me into the joker. would you say this to an amputee? to someone who had an organ transplant? because people do and its the same bullshit. the right to bodily autonomy includes the right to alter your body! i dont fucking care if i Look Natural(although its worth noting that most people cant actually tell fully healed phallo dicks and natal dicks apart. i went to a urologist and he only realized i was postop when i told him) and it should not be treated as an unambiguously good thing.

LIKE EVEN THE FUCKING DOCTOR IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE MEDICAL BOTTOM SURGERY. olberic had an "averse reaction to medicine" <- directly against canon where he can be healed fine WHOLESALE INVENTED just so that we minimize the amount of people who could theoretically have phalloplasty

also youre lying to yourself and more importantly me if you think ophilia has any medical knowledge whatsoever shes literally a faith healer who cant even deal with poison

like ok "a wizard did it" is better than literally not even acknowledging some trans people want to "switch their junk" like most people do or arguing that its ahistorical to have any medical transition, However this is just having that so you can present it as the better alternative to the inferior gross medical transition which . go fuck yourself!!! go fuck yourself.

again im mostly so mad about this because when i saw the words "bottom surgery" in a fandom thing i was really really excited because i never get to see even other fans who acknowledge that their favorite characters could be like me! i had a solid 5 seconds of just being ecstatic to be represented and then i actually read the damn thing and it was just more of the fucking same.

[bewitchingfanfiction]

Homestuck Fic (2020/01/17)

KARKAT: ...SO...

DAVE: yeah...

KARKAT: UH, SHOULD WE LIKE, GET UNDRESSED?

DAVE: not yet

DAVE: um... 

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: do you wanna like

DAVE: move to a bed or?...

KARKAT: NOT REALLY. THAT'S UH, KINDA WEIRD HONESTLY. THE COUCH IS JUST...IT'S WHERE WE HANG OUT YOU KNOW? IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.

DAVE: i get that

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: OH FUCK THIS.

DAVE: !

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: your uh

DAVE: your hand is on my face

KARKAT: YES.

DAVE: ...what now?

KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK THEY'RE DOING!? LOOK AT ME. I JUST SMACKED MY HAND ONTO THE SIDE OF YOUR FUCKING FACE AND FOR SOME REASON I'VE DECIDED TO LEAVE IT THERE. LOOK AT ME, JUST LEAVING MY HAND THERE, LIKE A CONSTANT FUCKING CARESS.

DAVE: shit

DAVE: okay let me...

DAVE: ...hm

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DAVE: ...putting my hand on your chest?

KARKAT: WHY?

DAVE: i dunno

DAVE: its a human thing but it doesnt really work for trolls huh

DAVE: humans usually have shit here

DAVE: do you even have tits?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? NO. DO I LOOK LIKE A FEMALE HUMAN TO YOU?

DAVE: its not just females

DAVE: males have nipples too

DAVE: just not boobs

KARKAT: FOR WHAT PURPOSE!?

DAVE: uhhhh

KARKAT: DO YOU FEED SMALL HUMANS TOO?

DAVE: jesus fuck no

DAVE: this is like the least sexiest thing we could be talking about can we please talk about literally anything else

KARKAT: OKAY. UM...T-TRY THIS...

DAVE: ...what the fuck am i touching?

KARKAT: THEY'RE CALLED GRUB SCARS...J-JUST BE GENTLE ALRIGHT?

DAVE: oh shit is this like troll tits or something?

KARKAT: NO. THEY'RE JUST SOMETHING ALL TROLLS HAVE. AND THEY'RE FUCKING SENSITIVE SO BE FUCKING CAREFUL OR I'LL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE.

DAVE: okay...should i just like

DAVE: rub them?

KARKAT: S-SURE...

DAVE: ...

DAVE: dude youre seriously red

DAVE: i think this just got a lot more intimate

KARKAT: ...MAYBE IT DID. 

DAVE: okay uh...here...

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...DO YOU HAVE A CHEST OR SOMETHING? I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.

DAVE: what like boobs? no

DAVE: but this is typically what humans do during uh

DAVE: you know

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: so like

DAVE: what now

DAVE: should i touch your horns or something?

KARKAT: ! 

DAVE: is that no good? 

KARKAT: N-NO...GO AHEAD...

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...NGH... 

DAVE: dude youre looking kinda uh...

DAVE: horny

KARKAT: I WILL KICK YOU OUT OF THIS ROOM I SWEAR TO FUCK.

DAVE: okay okay no puns

DAVE: haha these horns are so cute though

KARKAT: !!! 

KARKAT: N-NGH...

DAVE: wow that sure is an expression youre making

DAVE: you sort of look like we finished this before we even began

KARKAT: UH DAVE?

DAVE: yeah?

KARKAT: ...Y...YOU'RE VERY CLOSE TO ME...I CAN TELL THIS IS AROUSING YOU.

DAVE: ...

DAVE: well shit

DAVE: when did we get this fucking close? at first we were a normal distance away and now its like hey my dick is pressed up against your fucking leg

DAVE: through clothes at least

KARKAT: ...THIS IS REALLY REALLY WEIRD.

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: OKAY STOP THAT.

DAVE: what?

KARKAT: THAT!

DAVE: OW

DAVE: couldve just said 'stop rubbing my horns like a madman' you know

DAVE: instead of smacking my poor hand

DAVE: im a human karkat were delicate creatures

KARKAT: THAT'S ACTUALLY VERY CONCERNING FOR ME. WHAT IF I HURT YOU?

DAVE: hurt me? wait a fucking second

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: whos being in who

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: i just assumed id be in you but

DAVE: did you have other plans?  

KARKAT: PLANS? I DIDN'T PLAN *SHIT*.

DAVE: maybe we shouldve talked about all of this more

KARKAT: NO I'M SO TIRED OR TALKING. WE'VE DISCUSSED DOING THIS FOR MONTHS DAVE. THIS REALLY SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD.

DAVE: actually it should be

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: okay im sorry i promise no more jokes!

KARKAT: IF I HEAR ONE MORE BULLSHIT JOKE COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH I'M LEAVING THIS FUCKING HOUSE.

DAVE: haha okay okay

KARKAT: OKAY.

KARKAT: ...SO UH...

DAVE: whoa what are we doing

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: this is uh...quite the position...

KARKAT: S...SHOULD I MOVE?

DAVE: naw man youre fine

DAVE: i just always imagined id be on top of you i guess

KARKAT: HA. WELL FUCK THAT STRIDER. EVERYONE KNOWS I'M THE DOMINANT ONE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. YOU'RE SUBMISSIVE AS FUCK. I MEAN LOOK AT YOU, I'M LITERALLY ON TOP OF YOU AS WE SPEAK.

DAVE: oh what the fuck ever thats complete bullshit and we both know it

DAVE: im totally the dominant one

KARKAT: OH REALLY?

DAVE: uh what the fuck are youuuuoooooooooooookaayyyyy

DAVE: were just putting are hands anywhere now huh

KARKAT: IS...THIS OKAY?...

DAVE: gahh...y-yeah shit

DAVE: thats really fucking okay

KARKAT: ...I CAN'T DO MUCH WHEN WE HAVE OUR CLOTHES ON...BUT...UM...

DAVE: whats up

KARKAT: ...I-I DON'T REALLY WANNA KEEP GOING. I KINDA LIKE THIS NEW LEVEL WE'VE FOUND AND I THINK IF WE DO ANYMORE MY...WHAT DO YOU FUCKING CALL IT? A HEART? WILL FUCKING BURST.

DAVE: yeah its heart

DAVE: and yeah i kinda get what you mean

DAVE: this is uh...all pretty new to me

DAVE: being this fucking intimate and close

DAVE: so yeah we can just stop here if you want

KARKAT: CAN I...DO ONE MORE THING?

DAVE: sure 

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: ...HRM....

DAVE: ...?

KARKAT: ...<3

DAVE: !

DAVE: ...<3

KARKAT: ...ACK, THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING FUCK FUCK FUCK. I WANT TO BE DELETED FROM THIS WORLD RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I AM SO FUCKING SORRY I DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT EVEN FUCKING CONSENT-

DAVE: <3 

KARKAT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: ...<3

DAVE: haha that was fucking adorable dude 

KARKAT: R...REALLY?

DAVE: cheesy as fuck but yeah

DAVE: hehe

DAVE: i liked it

KARKAT: ...Y-YOUR SMILE IS UH...

DAVE: what?

KARKAT: ...I'LL BE BACK.

DAVE: oh what the hell where are you going

KARKAT: I NEED A BUCKET. GOODBYE.

DAVE: ...

Dave then proceeded to cover his face with his hands in embarrassment at the events that just took place. He's totally not grinning like an idiot.

Totally not.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

bakugou thoughts pt 2001847471 :)))

- if u go to the park, and somebody is like, walking their dog n the animal barks at y’all??? bakugou is barking back. mans full on squares up, n barks at the dog until it backs off

- he rarely gets into shows/series, but when he finds one he likes, he’ll only watch the first few episodes and then make u watch the rest with him. he’ll always say sum “if i dont watch with you, then i gotta make extra time for your needy ass. ‘m prioritizing my fuckin’ time. it doesn’t mean anything, shut up.” ...... he’s lying. it does mean something. it means he wants to share the things he likes with u

- pls he’s so smart, and generally pretty aware, but sometimes he’ll just do something so duMb. like, u kno that thing that happens sometimes with hair?? like, when it sticks to ur fingers and no matter what u do, u can’t get it off?? bakugou is literally breaking his wrist a foot away from u, shaking his hand back and forth and cursing soooo loudly. u just gotta go up to him and gently remove the hair from him like “oh honey- no.”

- peanut gallery comments. lots of them. mans will sit fully dead silent, not talking for the whOle day, but the second u do something embarrassing?? like trip??? suddenly he has a LOT to say ..... smh men

- animals just always like him. its absolutely unexplainable bc he’s so loud n moves super suddenly,,, but the amount of street animals that follow him home is ridiculous. srsly. sometkmes he even has other people’s pets trying to follow him home

- respects absolutely no one n that somehow strangely makes him the most respectful u’ve ever seen??? like- he hates everyone the exact same so u won’t ever catch bakugou in an act of discrimmination

- he can’t draw at all but if u asked him to draw something, it’ll be the same skull every single time. it’s a good skull, but it’s soooo obvious he learned how to draw it from a tutorial in the midst of his emo phase

- will fully make fun of others for baby-talking around their s/o, n then just fully go home n look at you like “tired.” “hungry.” “kiss.”...... like okay baby man, maybe try putting a full sentence together before u start trying to run your mouth. hypocrite.

- probably sleeps like the dead. contrary to popular belief, i absolutely do not believe he’s up at every single noise. man’s could sleep thru an explosion, im sure of it. that being said tho, it’s probably actually hard for him to turn his brain off n fall asleep. he prob goes to bed so “early” bc he has to wind down for a good hr or two until he’s ready to actually sleep

- he’s got a vendetta against salespeople. like, if his phone rings with some bullshit about a product? if somebody, god forbid, tries to walk up to your door? fully frothing at the mouth annoyed. will chew out any employee who’s too underpaid not to listen to him

- eats like an absolute animal. no rlly, its bad. holds his spoon with a fist and digs at his meal like its the gold rush. the worst table manners you’ve ever seen rlly

- he gets sorts antsy if he sits for too long, so he’s always off doing random shit. like, u’ll look out the window n he’s just like, raking the .3 leaves from ur driveway, probably trying to guess where the wind will be so they wont blow back

- ik this with my heart and soul okay,,, bakugou has never had a conversation with u that wasnt from exactly .2 meters away. like,, if he’s comfortable, then he’s just close all the time. like he’s waving his hands around and yelling and you just have to take his face in ur hands and go “im literally right here. ily but pls tone it down for the sake of my hearing.”

- very much guard dog behavior when y’all go out. absolutely will not leave ur side for even a second, like, at a bar or during a concert. even if u go to the bathroom he’s like, leaning against the wall and waiting right outside the door

- gets absolutely bitchy about your phone blowing up while you’re hanging out. its not that he’s suspicious that ur, like, cheating on him, it’s just that he doesnt understand why u’d even leave ur phone on in the first place since he always has his turned off when ur around. if he gets annoyed enough he’ll fully take the phone out of ur hands, say sum “yeah, you don’t fuckin’ need this anymore. you’re done with this.” n toss it across the room while he kisses u senseless

- tbh his ultimate love language is 100% playfighting. v much would go heart eyes if u even seemed like u might try n wrestle him. obvi u dont win, but his favorite is how u laugh while he pins ur hands above ur head

- he sneers at other angry people. will fully, fully sit there like “jesus christ, they need to calm the hell down. annoying as shit- fuckin’ loud too.” ....... -i. who’s gonna tell him

- silent conversations with ur eyes. no rlly. if y’all are with friends and somebody says something questionable, bakugou is immeadiately turning to u, eyes hardly even shifting but u just know he’s hurling insults in his head

- he doesnt realize his own strength sometimes. like- he knows he’s strong, but if u ever open a door n ur like “woah, careful, this is heavier than it looks” bakugou is .2 steps behind u practically ripping the damn thing off it’s hinges. he’ll look at it, huffing like he doesn’f even understand the issue

- he rlly likes when u call him by his name. pet names are fine, but he srsly is super soft for the simple stuff. like when u look over at him, all excited, smile wide like “hey katsuki, u gotta see this! c’mere!”

- his road rage is severe. no rlly. bakugou drives like every day is a race n he’s one win away from going formula one. you’re pretty sure that the only reason he passed his license test is bc the instuctor was too terrified to tell him no

- bakugou probably does that thing where if you’re sitting on the counter top, watching him cook, he’ll stand between ur legs. hands on ur thighs or resting on ur hips while you tell him about your day

- can’t explain this one, but he doesnt kill spiders. he takes them outside. says sum “they eat ticks, idiot. what- you actually want a fuckin’ blood disease? Hah? ‘m not gonna kill it. motherfucker’s gotta earn his keep before dyin’ just like the rest of us.” while he v gently picks the spider up into his hand and walks it outside

- ik that his one cheat food is sugary cereal. like, he’s a health freak, but the one thing he can’t help but make a concession for is sugary cereal on the weekends

- he’ll sometimes get in this over-stimulated mood where everything pisses him off, n the only thing u can do is leave him alone. u learn this quick bc his anger doesn’t discrimminate and if u push him even after he tells u what’s up?? pls bakugou will lash tf out. at u. like, ik y’all like to write it but that whole “it’s okay- it’s just me. just look at me.” thing does not work with him,,, u literally gonna get merc’d if u try

- he’s probably a guy who’s gonna be super big on passing touches. like he drops his hand on ur head when he passes, or bumps his shoulder into urs when he laughs. no footsies tho. too sappy even for him- pls if u tried to initate that he’d crush ur toes under the table aHAHAHA

- feeds every street cat he comes across. is probably super fond of the ones with a bunch of scratches/scars on them. he’d die if u knew, but one time u caught him feeding a scratched up calico n going “bet u beat his stupid ass, right? that’s my girl. we always win, huh?”

—/—

surprise suprise,, my brain rlly never shuts the hell up about this man

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Anonymous said:

Heresan angsty fluffy request for Dabi,what if one day it was just a bad day for dabi.His scars were getting to him,the past kept coming to his mind and he was just feeling unworthy,like he didn't deserve his doll.That leads us to now,him standing shirtless infront of a mirror,judging his appearance and him in general so much that he doesnt notice his doll until she wraps her arms around him,gently holding him and telling him that it's not true that he deserves good things and that she loves him

Shit. Absolutely the most shittiest day he ever had on his adulthood so far.

Shigaraki had been a pain on his ass ever since he joined the league of villains, and when he was isolated by that crazy doctor on a moutain he thought was going to get a bit of peace.

Keyword: thought.

His colleagues despite becoming part of his daily routine were cool and all but he got irritated easily with their bullshit. Instead of wanting to expose the corruption and fake hero society all they cared for was being accepted and just watch the world burn down.

Heck, he tried his best to not be like him, but when he was out of pacience he tended to snap at anyone whose even got in his front... including you.

He felt like shit everytime and knew very well that a apology wasn't going to erase his harsh words... neither his own attitude.

Thankfully though he was fucking terrified of becoming the monster that married his mother, so he never once raised his hand at you.

He couldn't even once get a bit of peace on this fucked up life...

He was about to head to a shower he took off his shirt... looking at the corner of his eyes the nasty scars, covering more than half of his chest as the stables clinged and holded his still healthy and burnt skin together.

How the freaking hell you accepted being him out of all people on Japan? He was like a broken vase, couldn't fix it and just... was made to be left alone and on the fucking trash can.

He brought his hands to his camp of vision and saw the scars littering his forearms and hands, attached to staples... his breath started to quickened at remembering especially why he had them, whose fault was that...

Anger and anxiety combined surely wasn't a good thing.... without him thinking his quirk started to heat up and his skin if he could alscream would have already in pain.

He looked, trembling in wrath, at his reflection... and the sign was enough for him to shout and punch the mirror at the point it shattered in pieces and injured his hand badly...

Panting, his senses come back a but and cringed at how much blood it was dripping from his hand and dirtying the carpet of your guys room... for now.

Pieces of glass was still on his flesh but his anger hadn't vanished as he started to punch the wall until he was tired of it... the pain was one of the things that proved to him he was still alive.

So what is more? He felt worse after all...

He punched that wall until it got dirty with his blood and until he was tired of it... Sighing he clenched on the injury and got into the bathroom to take the goddamn shower.

.

.

.

Your voice calling for him and the door being slowly opened interrupted his thoughts... he vringed at the causation tone of voice you used and only waved his hand once to tell you it was okay for you to enter.

"We went out to get some food so.." he felt the lightly slightly short on the bed near him "I got some of your favorite..."

He didn't answer. He knew that one harsh word could leave or even the worst thing, you could get that he was on a bad shape, you could just fucking see when he was overthinking ... damn you for being so blind to not fucking see je is not worth of you.

"WHAT THE- DABI?!" He widened his eyes when you grabbed his hand, your horrified expression at seing the injury "What the hell happened?! I thought you-"

"I made it myself." He spoke on a cold tone of voice that even himself cursed himself for it.

"You're crazy or something?! How?!"

"Why being so dramatic over it? I have tons of scars sweetheart, I'm fucked already and just you who doesn't seem to notice." He shrugged as you looked at him before narrowing your eyes and getting up with a huff.

Just when he was about to sigh, you pocked a chair and put on his front agressively with a first kit aid.

"Aw. Cute seing you trying to fix me (Y/n)." His sarcasm was like venom as you grabbed his hand and started to bandaged.

"Fix and help to cure the wound are differents things and you know it very well, Todoroki." You hissed his last true name as got up and grabbed your wrist as you two exchanged glares for a bit before you gritted through teeth "Sit. Down."

He scoffed and sitted back on the bed as you sit down as well, bandaging him and taking the minors piece of glass out of him with the help of an twessee.

He hissed at one particularly large, stuck on his knuckles as you looked at him, your anger vanishing at seing him biting his lower lip and trying to mantain a nonchantly expression as he refused to look at your eyes.

Sighing in relief when the last piece of mirror left his hands, picking up a bit of alcohol, cottom and the bandages to wrap around the injury.

"... not going to give up are you?" He muttered as you remained silent while doing your work, cringing when he let out a dark chuckle.

"You're such a thick skull... cant even see it doesn't matter and you can do better than this..." you stopped with wide eyes before looking up at him.

"Huh?"

"Oh come on doll... you know that staying with me is a loss. What do I even have to give to you anyway? How do..." he snickered, letting his head fall on the hand you weren't treating "How do you even look at me with those fucking gorgeous eyes..?"

You blinked, words lost in your throat as you saw Dabi on that condition... slowly, you put the supplies aside, one hand holding his as the other barely touched his arm.

"Do you know I love you right?" You muttered as he barked on a laughter.

"Yeah..." he looked up at you in pain but with a maniac smile still present "I just don't know how."

.

.

.

Ever since that evening you started paying more attention on your boyfriend. Instead of replying with a snarky comment whoever joked about his scars he only sighed a "fuck off" and left... how he didn't even let you see him without a shirt.

It was like all the improvement of him thrusting you to not judge him for his past or appearance had come down hills... his usual cockiness and sarcasm aurea was just pushed all inside and eames back the aloof and cold Dabi...

You couldn't just let this continue... Dabi knew you love him but didn't know how? Well, damn him, you were going to show it like him or not.

With determination you walked and opened the door to slow your movement at seing Dabi staring at the mirror, his back at you as his head hung low, supporting himself on his hands on the mirror.

"You listen you bastard..." you listened him talk to himself "Stop being a selfish pig and let (Y/n) go... no one deserves getting stuck with a walking disaster... you wont drag the one you love to hell along with you." He growled the words as tears threaten to form in your eyes.

Saying fuck it, you almost ran into him while hugging him from behind, a gasp leaving him as the muscles of his back tensed and looked at your reflection clinging to him.

"How can you say that to the men I love..?" You whispered, wet cheek resting and nuzzling on him "You're not dragging me to hell if you're not even going there..." you sobbed as his wide turquoise eyes remained on your reflection... frozen body... he couldn't even think to be honest.

"You deserve happines just like everyone does... You make me happy by being you Touya..." you clinged onto him and burried your crying face on his back "I don't want to let go... you're the best thing that ever happened to me so dont you fucking dare to say things like that about yourself!"

You felt his rough and half scarred hand touch yours at first before holding it like his life depended on it.

"You know... if I could cry... pretty damn sure I was weeping right now at only seing you suffer because of me..." his hoarse voice came out and you clinged onto him tighter.

"You're the blind one for thinking that you dont deserve me or you aren't beautiful... scars and all." You mumbled before leaving a chaste kiss on his back, one that made his body shiver.

It was quiet for a moment before Dabi got out of your arms as you whimpered before gasping when he cupped your cheeks and smashed his lips on yours.

When he broke the kiss you hugged him.tightly as he slowly returned the affection, resting his chin on your shoulder as he felt his eyes burning.

"Dont hide from me anymore..." you sobbed as his heart clenched at your crying and hugged you tighter.

"I won't... I won't." He pulled you even closer to his chest as he kissed your temple.

"Get on your thick skull that you're beautiful and handsome you idiot!" You punched his back as he let out a weak chuckle on your hair.

"Only because you make me feel that way doll..."

[crackcrocs]

DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #9

This is to narcissistic mothers/ parents & anyone who is willing to understand.

(Written by me-for and through the lens of my dear friend, i wish you nothing but freedom from her chains. i wish you TLC)

Their ability to make everyone think they’re loving parents.

Their ability to make their kids believe that abuse is normal.

Their ability to make you believe you owe them everything.

Their ability to make themselves believe that they are right.

Their ability to turn the tables and make you believe that it was your fault.

All of this rings so true.

They do make you feel crazy; they suck the energy and ability to reason logically right out of you- and, by very nature of their narcissism, it never occurs to them that *they* might be the problem.

You can’t expect a relationship to happen with someone highly dysfunctional. how do you stoop down to the level of someone who aside from work & put all energy into keeping up an appearance can only abuse substance, speak to empty friends & post garbage.

In truth, I think the alcoholism is a symptom of her larger mental illness or narcissistic personality disorder- but it’s no excuse. Her parenting is unreliable, inconsistent, and unpredictable. There never is a sense of safety and consistency, allowing me to thrive.

I’m told to forgive & keep peace & ignore all your craziness. All the advice I've been getting on dealing with a narcissistic mother has been saying to avoid her as much as possible, or to try communicate & ‘keep peace’ as if I haven’t tried to communicate, as if I’m purposely singling her out from our already empty relationship. Well now I'm stuck at home all day, or every household or friend I bring over, she decides to involve. So much for distancing myself.  The worst part is she isn't even doing it herself, she just sits around watching tv, having friends over & phoning everyone while Im expected to clean up after her and "contribute" to the family/ financially support my self for college.

- Yes, absolutely, I am the crazy one. You know what, I’m not even going to deny it, I probably have a ton of issues, most of them mental. But guess where they came from? Guess who made those problems worse and maybe even helped create them? No mom, you’re not to blame for everything or the “war in Iraq” as you so eloquently put it. But you are to blame for some it, at the very least. it’s time to take account & I will no longer be made to feel like the obligated for for an entitled narc.

I feel your claws sinking in less and less.  You no longer have me in chains, I will break free from your emotional bondage even if it takes me seeming boring & silencing myself around you to not endure & tolerate your nonsense. Your words no longer fill me with despair like they once did.

This year long cold shoulder would have once filled me with anxiety but now all I feel is bliss. I no longer feel jealous when others talk about their seemingly perfect parents because I may not have that luxury but what I do have is a chance to be a "perfect parent" myself potentially one day. To be everything you couldn't and wouldn't somewhere far away and isolated from your poison.

I wonder how you feel...  but I simply can’t understand or pretend to care anymore. I’m tired of putting energy into a source that doesn’t put out. When children don't talk to you unless prompted- it’s because there is nothing to be said after the plenty opportunities given to converse truly & openly.

No I don’t want to speak to your 9th friend on the phone today again about surface level things just to please you. No I don’t want to come socialise with your drunk friends & be spoken to like a child

When you have to tell yet another lie to yet another friend to mask the evidence of a broken home When you look in the mirror and only see insecurities When you realise there's no one around you and can't figure out why When you tear down someone close yet again, to feel good about yourself  I wonder how you feel, I wonder if you feel, I wonder if you can...

my mom pushes me away but doesnt wanna let me leave. she doesn’t want to take into account that she pushed me to this extent. part of growth is being able to communicate your emotions properly. how can a whole 43 year old be unable to do so? I Vocalize when I’m not okay with something. Communication helps people avoid being uncomfortable, easily triggered, hostile, or passive aggressive with people. her communication is one sided and I’m the only one who gets to listen while she’s the only one who gets to talk, otherwise I’m ‘answering back’ or ‘telling a woman what to do’ even though I talk sense and out of respect in my responses or when I do try speak.

Worse yet I have to go BACK to the emotionally abusive situation that I basically fled.

What really bugs me is when you’ve given someone so many chances to do better and change. But then once you get tired of their antics, you try to move on and they continually try to reel you back in. Not even trying to change, but instead *trying* to reel you back in for their benefit. It’s unhealthy and traumatizing to say the least.

I guess i should be glad your swinging moods and emotions taught me to manage mine from young. I should be glad that I had to teach myself not to care about what you said to me and what you thought about me. I should be overjoyed that the side effect was me not caring about what anyone said or thought and basically becoming an inert emotionless void. I should be thankful that I always look fine even when I’m in pain and feeling like death and I’m capable of putting up with things that would send any sane person off the edge.

relationships are so much healthier when the goal is to experience life together and not to try to make the person into who you want them to be or to make them do what you want them to do. In my case my mother has de masculated me over the years making me soft and obedient, for her own selfish gain of having a man worship her. she decided since she doesn’t have a man, or never managed to find someone stay at home that’s he truly connected to, she’s decided the man that’s going to worship her will be me- her son. Since I resemble my father who she was in love with, she will always talk bad on me as she resents my father for not wanting her.

through gaslighting me over the years, it’s become harder to speak up, I even feel embarrassed to tell my dad even though that’s probably the only thing that will make her open her eyes and get clean. my pot is boiling though. Independence is obviously healthy but when it gets to the point where i find it challenging to actually be able to even admit that i might need assistance in this situation,  problems arise. And for what? Why I’m I protecting her image? I’ve been taught to & I’m a respectable young man who won’t take joy from her exposure, but I don’t take joy from preserving information & keeping it all inside to deal with myself. I’ve become so hard on myself and still pushing through-it’s not easy, people still expect me to be a super heroe all the time. I have a hard time opening up, allowing people to help me in whatever I’m doing. I hate even admitting I need help most times. I wish I’d been taught early what my mother learned late, thankfully I was observant, self taught & still willing to learn- thankfully I’m not a follower & I know right from wrong.

The worst part about looking at the future and trying to imagine it full of hope, light and emotional health is knowing that you'll always have the scars. Emotional abusers aren't supposed to leave scars but mine managed to. And in my mother's usual style it can even be passed off as unintentional. In my case it was actually supposed to a kind act which ended badly in the way that only events in my life can seem to end.

All the phone calls to your friends, you continuously fake talk about me on a nonexistent relationship. it’s sad how you need to phone 100 people in a day and can only hold the same surface level chats. I wonder if you can grip the fact that nobody ever wants to help you with anything. you’re lucky they even listen and you’re lucky they only know your side of the story every time. you’re a great potter & can mould situations.

It’s sad that if you sense the slightest hint that people do not approve of your estrangement and they are not going to be there for your nonsense, you stir the pot and involve and buss peoples names, further spinning your web of lies.

All the pity you came to relish over the years as single mother warrior extraordinaire would simply dry up. Any attempts to paint me, your only child in a negative light would seem simply monstrous if I exposed you, but I maintain respect, bite my tongue & hold my head up because my real mother figure taught me that.

But really you have to keep up the pretense to your friends, that I was an insubordinate, ungrateful bitch of a problem child and you were a glorious brave single mother at her wits end just trying to make things work. even with the mural I painted, you forced me to mention the single mother narrative; as if that had anything to do with my art piece. I mean how selfish can you be? the art peace was to represent Sheku Bayou & the BLM movement, I didn’t even want to put my real name- I wanted to put my instagram page associated with my art because business is business and personal is personal. but to toot your horn, I added a whole separate paragraph because you wanted your name to be connected to my art piece as though I’m some sort of celebrity and it was my claim to fame. the single mother narrative is bullshit, I know tonnes of single african parents that know how to step up when it’s time to be a mother, but that’s something you’ve never known how to do. I remember you drunk the day I came here and I will never forget the words ‘I will drink myself to death if I want to’ I don’t have sympathy anymore and I’m not a saviour, I have tried and tried through hiding alcohol, attempting to converse & get her to cut down; but you can only bring a horse to the water not to drink it. how is a teenager meant to know how to stop an alcoholic junkie? I’m her son you say? If she truly cared and wanted to fix up, I would be one thing to stop her I thought.

my mother is an alcoholic. an addict. she refuses to wear those labels, but this has far exceeded the occasional ‘binge’ ‘sesh’ or ‘Prosecco party’ .Throughout middle school and high school, I would guess that half or so of the days out of the year she spent in a wine haze. Even my constant begging her to stop drinking did not stop it. Pouring her wine down the drain or hiding it made her angry and transitioned to mental and phsyical abuse. She became increasingly angry and I aged and entered high school but she was always this way since I came really. It was during this time that I would lock the doors to my room and try to hide from her in there. I still barricade my room door to this day just for my own peace. Despite all the horrendous things she did, every once in a while she did give me money, and this gets dangled over my head RELENTLESSLY... as if money buys love.

I needed to get some outside reassurance that I'm sane. Thankfully now I know and all I can do is try stay in my lane, can’t argue with a supposed adult with a brain that resembles a wall or a child.

People who were emotionally abused have spent far too long defending themselves. Justifying their own feelings. Trying to make others see and understand what they went through is a task. Abusive parents are very good at manipulating. that’s why I have ceased contact with this toxic person, i do not owe anyone an explanation.Doesn’t matter if they are a family member or close family friend. Doesn’t matter if they are a friend or acquaintance of yours. I’ve learned just to be boring , save everything interesting and beautiful about myself for those who deserve it.

[enixamyram]

Hey, guess what, I’ve found another screen rant I want to react to! I wasn’t planning to do any more but, reading through this article, I just have SO many problems with it... So Let’s do another, agree or disagree with a Screenrant article made by someone with no bias at all. (Sarcasm for the last part by the way.) So let’s see:

Agreed with this point. People act like, if the characters weren’t on screen then they disappeared or something. Maybe they were just living their own lives?

... I don’t even understand this article. Apparently this is 20 things people get wrong and this point is that the timeline can make sense, but then OP goes on to say “However, the more characters were introduced and the more worlds the characters ventured into, it became clearer and clearer that time didn't work the same way everywhere... However, in a world of fairytales, expecting anything more than that is simply asking too much. What does it matter, exactly, when some of these events took place as long as we know that they were a long time ago in a universe not at all like our own?”

Like, so that means this isn’t something people get wrong - the timeline DOESN’T make sense - so what the hell is it doing in this article? You can’t claim you’ve solved it just because you shrug and go “yeah but it’s magic so what do you expect?”

I mean the text directly conflicts the title/bullet point. Luckily I can still safely say I disagree, both with the title and the text because the timeline became f*cked, and just making an embarrassed shrugging face doesn’t change that.

I can’t even say disagree because this is just plain wrong! I don’t quite understand this writer. I can’t tell what they’re deal is, like did they just give a poor title to their article?

Season 1 - The Original Curse Season 2 - Belle and Sneezy lost their memories. Season 3 - Everyone lost a year. Season 5 - Camelot Season 6 - Emma lost her memories Season 7 - Another Curse.

Notice how I left out 4? Well this is where I’m getting confused because this is what OP had to say about Season 4: “While season four dabbled with alternate universes, memories were never wiped or reset in the way they were in every other season.”

... But their memories WERE wiped! They were essentially in a curse because their memories WERE wiped and they WERE given new identities just like the original curse. So yes, memory wipes did in fact happen every single season!

So I can’t agree or disagree because maybe some people do call Ruby a lesbian, but most everyone I talk to calls her bi... So I’ma just skip this one.

Note: She’s bi people. This is canon. If you don’t agree then tough shit.

Agreed, there’s plenty of other ways true love can be proven. TLK is probably just the most convenient, lol.

Kind of agree? I mean I think most people do know and acknowledge this but I guess it can sometimes escape people without realising in passing sentences?

This is true. It was a lame and terrible reveal that made no sense but it was revealed.

... Like, I’m getting confused again. Because this title either doesn’t fit or the writer lives under a rock because no one get’s this wrong! Everyone - rightfully - calls out Zelena for what she did. Even Zelena fans admit what she did was messed up!

... I do agree, I don’t think she made up for all the awful things she did and she definitely became “one of the team” way too quickly for my liking. (I’m hesitant because I suddenly have an idea what side of the fandom wrote this article and I can pretty much predict where it’s going.)

AND THERE IT IS!

DISAGREE.  DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE.

“Nothing says good guy like being an older man who takes advantage of a young girl, impregnates her, and lets her go to jail for crimes you yourself committed.” First off, we don’t know his age. Second, he didn’t ‘impregnant’ her. She got pregnant. It takes two to tango though I doubt the writer knows this. And third, Emma went to jail for HER crimes. Sorry, dear writer, but let me just fill you in. Aiding and abetting a fellow criminal IS A CRIME! Emma did wrong and she was punished for it. I don’t necessarily agree with what Neal did but he is not responsible for where Emma ended up.

“Even further, nothing says good guy like someone who mocks the woman he allegedly loves for the years of trauma, suffering, and scars she endured as a result of your callous, selfish behavior.” ... WHEN?!

“... Neal Cassidy became more and more like the selfish, frequently malicious parents who raised him.” ... Again, WHEN?! Like seriously, selfish maybe but malicious?!

“In no world would he have been the right man for Emma or a good father to Henry because he could never accept accountability for any of his many wrongdoings.” Except, you know, Neal knew Henry all of five minutes and was already dedicated to being a great dad to him and literally was WAY better at being a father to Henry than Hook ever was to the kid. And I added the Hook part because my God, the writer of this article couldn’t be more obvious a CS shipper if they had every sentence end with swans and pirate flags.

It’s amazing how, even dead, they’re still threatened by Neal’s character.

Maybe this was true in S6, but by S7 they had clearly retconned it, making the Wish Realm a very real place. Otherwise there’s a ton of plot holes and you’ve got to be a real idiot to say you’d rather accept plot holes than that the Wish Realm might actually be real.

(Also, just saying, another terrible title because what happened to Emma and Regina when they were in the Wish Realm very much DID happen. So again, really poor titles for this article that clearly doesn’t know what it’s point is.)

... She VIOLATED everyone’s minds by erasing their memories and TRIED TO MURDER ZELENA!

She may have had good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a villain for a season! Dude, have you never heard the phrase “the road to hell was paved with good intentions”?! I’ll defend Emma turning Hook into a Dark One for sure, but trying to completely ignore the awful things she did?! Jesus Christ!

Again... What? OP... Everyone already KNOWS this. This article is meant to be things people gets wrong but, honestly, I think OP’s the only idiot who gets things wrong at this point. So I’m once again torn because I agree with the statement but I don’t agree that this is something people get wrong.

*Sigh* OP’s giving me a migraine. Not because their statement is incorrect, but because all their reasoning is!

“Regina, as we know, went back and forth to points outside of Maine many times during the preceding 28 years.” It was actually explained, by Regina herself to Hook in Season 2, that because she (and he) had no cursed memories, crossing the town line would not affect them.

“Greg and Tamara are also able to cross the town lines, with Greg even remembering the tiny town for years and years after a traumatic encounter within it during his childhood.” Again. The town line affects people who ARE CURSED! This is made very clear! Henry can also cross the town line when he went to get Emma.

The title, once again, is misleading. People are able to leave - so long as they don’t CROSS THE TOWN LINE. That’s the part CURSED people are not able to do.

I’ve given up Agreeing and Disagreeing at this point. OP’s points are making my brain hurt so let’s just move on.

You’re right OP. It did serve a purpose. It’s purpose was to be a cash grab!

Apparently OP’s excuse is that Anna and Elsa helped Emma come into her own as a magic user? Like yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Emma had no problem using her magic until they brought Frozen in, then they made a whole storyline of Emma having problems just to justify having Elsa struggle and then help her with it.

And after they left they were barely even mentioned. So, again. NO PURPOSE. (Apart from a cash grab.)

Okay, so actually, I do agree. Regina is still Henry’s mum but the fact is, his adoption can’t be legal because Regina would need to have lied on her application and all the usual checks usually done for people wanting to adopt couldn’t possibly have happened.

I was going to agree on technicality but you know what? No.

DISAGREE!

Just because the couples aren’t perfect doesn’t make them toxic. (Using OP’s examples:) “Robin's relationship with Regina results in his being repeatedly assaulted and fathering a child as a result of that assault.” Wow, dude, wait to blame the girlfriend for some of the bad stuff that happened in Robin’s life. I sure feel sorry for whoever you end up with if this is how you see it. “Hook and Emma frequently lie to one another as well,” Lying does not equal a toxic relationship! Certain lies, maybe, but general lying is just what people do when they’re embarrassed or ashamed or upset. What counts is what you’re lying about and also whether or not you come clean about it.

The only one I’ll agree with is RumBelle but even then OP completely misses the reason WHY they’re a toxic relationship. Instead they generalise it into very un-toxic details.

... Again... Like... I agree with the statement but NO ONE GETS THIS WRONG!

OP is clearly just using this article as an excuse to bash Regina. And I’m not a Regina fan, but no, dude, if you’re gonna do this then make a “20 of the worst things Regina ever did” list. Not a “20 things people get wrong” and then list a bunch of things that one in ten people gets wrong!

And now OP’s repeating. Because I’m pretty sure this was covered in the 4th one? Like, agree. I guess. But it feels like OP was running out of things and figured Regina bashing again would be too obvious or something.

Okay. Now this is something a lot of people won’t agree with but... I do.

I agree the show was intended to be Emma’s story and that it then got popular and other characters got popular and it branched out into something more.

... However OP is still a colossus idiot because they ended on this sentence:

“It's what made the concept of a seventh season without almost any of the Charmings such a laughable concept - and such a colossal failure, as well.” And while Season 7 may not be the masterpiece I pretend it is to piss of anti’s, it is also far from the worst. OP just hates it because their fav wasn’t centre stage and they’re bitter as hell.

Wow this was probably the stupidest article yet. OP either clearly doesn’t know what they were meant to be doing (a list of things people often forget about the show) or they just wanted to make a list where they bitched a few points and couldn’t be bothered to think of a catchy title or reason why. Either way, OP’s an idiot and most of these points are ridiculously dumb.

[mocurlyshepard]

Demons II | Curly Shepard

Description: A short story in which Curly Shepard is forced to face the pain of his memories. It always gets worse before it gets better.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of abuse

"Who the fuck took my shit?" Curly yelled through out his small cell while throwing things randomly, frantically trying to find his lost picture.

His mattress was pulled off his bed and his belongings thrown on the floor. He had looked over his stuff about 10 times and he still couldn't find it.

"Shepard, you need to calm down." the c.o says through the open slot.

"Shut the fuck up!" Curly yelled back.

Curly huffs out a breath before throwing a random item out of frustration. He slides down the wall, holding his head in his hands. Things had already gone wrong, now he lost her one and only picture that he had of her.

He heard the door open and close but he didn't bother to look up. He just couldn't wrap his head around how he lost the damn picture. He always kept it under his pillow, so he was sure he didn't lose it. He was betting that the damn guard took it to get under his skin.

"Curly."

Great, just the man Curly wanted to see.

"I don't wanna talk about my damn feelings right now."

What he wanted to do was find the God damn picture. He ran his hand through his hair as Doctor Anderson sat on his titled mattress.

"I understand that you lost something dear to you." Dr. Anderson says quietly.

Curly flicks his eyes up to look at him. He's angry, no he's pissed.

"I didn't fucking lose the picture.. Someone took it."

"What was the picture of?"

Curly shrugs. He'd rather not tell him who it was. He could guess who it was if he was smart enough but he knew that he'd start asking him questions.

"I'm not answering anything until I get my picture back." Curly says while throwing his head back against the wall.

It was hard, cold.

"Can we make a deal, Curly?"

"Depends on the deal." Curly said while looking over at Doctor Anderson. He wasn't an idiot, and he wasn't agreeing to anything unless he knew exactly what he was getting in to.

"If I help find this picture, can you speak with me?"

Curly licked his lips and bit on his bottom one. He could just bullshit his way through the therapy session, he was good at doing that. It would be a waste of time but at least he'd get his picture back.

"Okay, yeah."

Dr. Anderson smiled before getting up and shutting Curly's cell door. Curly sat up and put his room back together, carefully looking through every item, just to make sure he didn't look over it.

It seemed like forever for Dr. Anderson to come back to his room. But it had only been 15 minutes. He did come back eventually with the photo in hand.

"She's very beautiful." he said while handing the photo to Curly.

Curly gave him a half smile while looking the picture over. Out of all their memories, this was by far his favorite. Her smile had been sincere.

"She is, ain't she?" he says.

He tucks the photo under the mattress this time. Just in case that stupid guard wanted to take it again to give to the other kids in this reform school. He looks back over at Dr. Anderson and stands up.

"Well we got a deal right?" he sighs.

They walk to his office, this time he doesn't have handcuffs. He couldn't believe that this Doctor was such an idiot. If he really wanted to, he could do anything he wanted to him. How could he be so trusting?

"I 'spose you wanna talk about my episode from yesterday." Curly began.

He sat in the seat across from Dr. Anderson and crossed his arms with raised eyebrows.

"Not if you don't want to. We can talk about other things." he suggested. "I know you said you had a brother and a sister. We can talk about them."

Curly nodded and leaned back in his chair. He thought of the time where Tim was annoyed from telling Curly to stop leaning back in the chair and he kicked the leg which made Curly hit his head on the counter.

"Me and Tim don't get along no more. Got into about my broad 'fore I came here."

Tim was fine with losing people, he cut their loses and forgot about their memories. Curly didn't, he felt like you should remember those who passed.

Curly had a cat who ran away, Curly searched high and low through the neighborhood for him until the sun rose. Tim on the other hand got a good night sleep and found another cat for Curly the next day.

"Did that cause tension in your relationship?"

Curly smirks to himself. Did it cause tension? No it caused a fist fight.

"He said I should get over her, I'm only 17 and we probably would've broken up anyway." Curly says while tapping his arm. Tracing his tattoos.

"Do you agree?"

"No. I knew I woulda married her." he smiles to himself thinking of her.

He could remember every single detail about her, the way she smiled at him when he complimented her. How angry she'd get when they argued but made sure to call him later that night.

"You know you shouldn't blame yourself over what happened to her." Dr. Anderson says slowly. "I'm not sure what happened and I don't want to press it out."

He's careful, he doesnt want Curly to get angry and walk out. They were making progress today, a lot of it.

"Its my fault. So I do blame myself."

He closed his eyes as it came rushing back to him. The noise, the screams, her cries. Her blood was covering him, his shirt was stained red.

"What're you thinking about?" Dr. Anderson questioned.

Curly didn't reply at first. He needed to get himself together before he spoke or he'd choke. He took a few deep breaths, in and out, he told himself.

"When you hear those thoughts, you should try reassuring yourself."

"Reassure myself?" Curly scoffed. What the hell was there to reassure. His girlfriend literally bled out in the seat next to him while he couldn't do anything.

"Maybe you could try take deep breaths. Think of something else until the moment passes. Something happy or funny to you. "

Curly didn't reply. He had never really thought of it. He had a lot of funny memories, but lately he just wasn't in the mood to be happy. He didn't deserve to be happy.

"I think blaming yourself comes from a deeper part within you." Dr. Anderson said. "You said yesterday your childhood was bad after your dad died."

Curly again didn't reply. He was bringing things up again, making him remember things he didn't want.

"Curly, in order for us to really solve this we need to attack the root of the problem." Dr. Anderson explained.

How the hell did his childhood have anything to do with now?

"My ma started doing drugs with her boyfriend, Mike."

"How do you know she was doing drugs?"

"Because I saw her on a trip. She was out of it, man, needed to go to the doctors."

It was a nightmare for him. She was talking of things, really explicit things. Telling him about stuff only she could see.

"Were you and your father close?"

"I don't remember him much. Him and Tim were close..i mean I remember Christmases with him."

He remembered his old man getting him gifts and letting him get on his shoulders. But that was about it, anything else was a big blur.

Dr. Anderson scribbled in his notebook and looked back up at Curly to continue.

"Then she started dating Mike. He was nice at first until he started drinking."

"How so? Tell me about Mike. "

Mike was the darkness of Curlys childhood. He wasn't ever really happy since he showed up. He ruined things. His mother let him.

"Mike is an asshole who slapped me around as a kid. Before I could hit him back."

Curly could remember the nights he would cry on the floor because Tim wasn't home. Or how he'd get beat with the belt buckle for knocking into a vase. The bruises and welts that would leave scars.

"How often would Mike hit you?"

"Whenever I did somethin' wrong. Like knock something over or fuck something up."

"Did anyone intervene?"

He used to hide his bruises from Tim. Until one day he could barely walk because his legs and ribs were so sore. He passed out on the way to school.

"My ma knew but I hid it from Tim. I mean he found out eventually and got into a fight with him."

Curly flinched at the memories. He didn't want to talk anymore. This was enough for him, he'd just end up exploding again.

"I'm done talking now." he told Dr. Anderson.

He stood up and knocked on the door for the officer to cuff him. Curly was feeling sad, whenever he was sad he'd push his feelings to the bottom and kept moving.

It was something about actually talking about it that made him sad. And he wanted to cry but that isn't what he did. He didn't cry.

He sat in his bed and stared up the ceiling. And when the voices came, he thought of a better time. And it worked but just for the moment.

Tags:

@queenkelsey2020

I'm gonna make this maybe 5 parts now. Theres some things I don't wanna squeeze in.

[tinygaysheep-blog]

A lil Keith theory+ character analysis (kinda) ALSO LANCE IS KEITH’S STABILITY EXPLAINED

Ya girl is back with a theory that quite honestly breaks my heart. But it has nesttled itself into my head and oh boy, oh boy does this make me sad. 

BPD, or borderline personality disorder is a mental illness a lot of people don’t really understand. Its also pretty hard to diagnose for some reason and often confused with bipolar depression and autism. 

Lets take a look at the symptoms; 

Having an unstable or dysfunctional self-image or a distorted sense of self (how one feels about one’s self). Keith definitely has a problem with feeling worthless. We all know that Lance has problems with insecurity, but what goes over a lot of people’s heads is that Keith does too. He assumes people dont like him, the only thing he’s actually sort of proud off are his flying skills. He doesn’t want to lead Voltron cause he doesn’t think he’s any good as a leader, and while he’s not as good at it as Shiro, he defnitely has some leader qualities but he doesn’t see them himself. He came a long way in season 3 in a very short time but he didn’t see it.  And his self-sacrifice at through-out of season 4? It could just be the blade of marmora influencing him with their “the mission is more important than the individual” crap, but I don’t think it is. He goes back for other memembers and even tries to fight Kolivan to save the guy when he would maybe be able to throw the guy to safety but never run back himself. And the final eppisode? Keith cares more about anyone and anything than himself. He’s literally willing to die to save anyone else. 

Feelings of isolation, boredom and emptiness. We all know Keith suffers from not really feeling a connection with others. He’s literally been on a ship in space with six other people for God knows how long and they still describe him as the lone wolf, he still trains on his own all the time. And the common misconception is that he wants to be alone. He really, really, really doesn’t. I cannot stress enough how much this boy would love to join in on the fun all the time, to not be so far away from the rest of them, but he just can’t.  He’s too scarred he’ll be rejected or something along those lines so instead he just... Lone wolfs it. 

Difficulty feeling empathy for others.  I decided against highlighting this one because we haven’t really seen a lot of it. Although, there have been a few cases of this, like when Pidge tried to leave. In my personal opinion, I don’t think he can summon the empathy very well unless he’s going through or has been through the same thing.  When he and Allura went out to space because they both though Zarkon was tracking them he showed quite a bit of empathy towards her but that was also because they were in the same boat (no pun intended) he was sort of going through the same thing. So he understood. When Lance came to him with his issues of insecurrity he got it because he’s scarred of being kicked out too. Of not being a valueable member to the team.  But when Pidge wanted to go find her family he couldn’t relate. Cause he’s never really had a family to look for. We don’t know what happened with his dad, whether he died or just up and left like his mum did. But seeming it’s more logical, lets assume his dad did die, he doesn’t know his mother, so... He doesn’t understand Pidge wanting to look for her brother.  You may argue that he had Shiro to look for, but if you watch the first episode of season one its pretty clear he wasn’t looking for Shiro. He’s surprised to see him there and he was tracking Voltron before that. Finding Shiro was merely conicidental.

A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate.  Again, I didn’t want to highlight this one because, well, we don’t know enough about his backstory to be able to judge if he’s had unstable relationships in the past.  However, you cant tell me he doesn’t have and intense idealization of Shiro that kinda turned into a sort of hate (but not really) when he was left in charge of Voltron. But that’s all I got on that one. He doesn’t really seem to hate people or idealise them (apart from Shiro) Some may argue that he hated Lance in season one, but honestly, I call bullshit on that. Annoyance, yes. Hate, no.  Annoyed neutrality. 

A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection, including extreme emotional reactions to real and even perceived abandonment I feel like I dont have to go into this.... So I wont... AT LEAST NOT THE OVERLY OBVIOUS STUFF.  Okay so, our boy has abandonment issues. We all knew that. But I honestly don’t think y’all are seeing just how far this stuff actually goes.  When he though Lance hated him (EXACTLY HOW CANNON THE HATE IS IS UP FOR DISSCUSSION, FIGHT ME ANNONS) he really didn’t want much to do with him. Even made a few jabs at him so that he could reject Lance first.  With the B.O.M however, we see him literally almost work himself to death during the trails in fear of being rejected to the group. The boy has major issues with self esteem, which is probably why he did so well at the garrison, cause he needs those results to feel okay about himself. He doesn’t think he’s good enough so he works towards being better, yes its pragmatic, but ultimately he’ll end up.... oh I don’t know... sacrificing himself. 

Intense, highly changeable moods that can last for several days or for just a few hours.  Again, I didn’t highlight this one because, well I don’t have too much to back it up other than that he seems very easy to upset. A little comment like that he’s the lone wolf, even though he’s trying to fit in can really get to him. And just... can people stop hurting my baby please? 

Strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression Honestly, this is another one I don’t feel like I have to explain. It just, Keith is a guy that worries a lot, and he definitely has anxiety when it comes to interacting with others. From the way he talks about his mother to the way he looked at his blade when he was figuring out his Galra identity, and the look on his face when the others were pissed off at him in season 4, I think depression is definitely a concept he touches on. Maybe not fullblown, actual depression, but I think he has... issues with feeling like a depressed person feels sometimes.  But he’s never actually vocalized this, so this may be me projecting. Though he does show some general symptoms fo depression. 

Impulsive, risky, self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, including reckless driving, drug or alcohol abuse and having unsafe sex I just, r e c k l e s s  d r i v i n g  Yes, he’s a skilled pilot but you cannot tell me he doesn’t throw caution to the wind a lot.  Also remember that king he held hostage?  Also remember how he worked himself to death during the B.O.M trials? Also remember the self sacrifice?  Also remember the putting himself in danger to safe his teammates?  Also remember how he ran away with Allura in the middle of the night because he THOUGHT he MIGHT be getting tracked and left the team unable to form Voltron without telling anyone?

Hostility “What? Keith is a total hothead”- Lance, 2016.  No but, Keith has said himself that he can be this way.  Even Shiro has pointed it out to him. This one is kinda also just very self explanitory. 

Unstable career plans, goals and aspirations Well I mean, his plans do kinda seem to be all over the place. He got kicked out of the Garrison... and tracked alien life for a year???  And other than finding Shiro in season 2-3 and joining the blade he never really has a long term plan. His only goal is defeating the Galra, it doesnt go deeper than that. He doesnt necessarily want to go home or settle down. He has no plan. He just kinda floats through life.

With BPD you have these things called modi. Modi are... in simple terms, fragments of your personality. There are five modi, the protector, the strict/punishing parent, the abandoned/abused child, the angry/impulsive child and the healthy grown up. Everybody sort of has these a little bit, but when you have BPD your healthy adult mode is a little... under developed/overwhelmed by the other modi. 

I personally also suffer from BPD and I honestly see a lot of these modi in Keith. The protector is the main one that seems to be present with him. (I also have this one, I call mine richard/dick for short). The protector’s main job is keeping people at arm’s lenght, its hard to get past this guy, esspecially if he’s the main dude running the show. Keith’s protector seems to work a lot with the impulsive child which is why he has such dificulty being a leader. 

I want to give an example here of how Keith’s modi seem to coexist; 

So lets take the scene where he just started leading Voltron and he chased Lotor into the gassplanet. So, he has an objective; get Lotor. His strict parrent modi will lock onto this WITH A FUCKING DEATH GRIP. It doesn’t matter what he has to do, he needs to get his objective. The impulsive child then takes over with the the stirct parent fueling him by telling him he needs to do this, when the team tells him to stop the protector shrugs them off. 

Later, once he failed, and lost everyone, the child and the protector regress, leaving the abandoned child and the strict parrent to yell at it and make the child feel like shit about itself. This is when Keith is vulnerable. That’s why Lance could approach him, and he knows it. And while acknowledging that Keith fucked up, he appeals to the healthy adult in his system to try and get him to move on. 

THAT is why Lance is so good for him and why he stablizes Keith mentally. He is able to tell him that he made a mistake while still accesing the healthy grown-up. Shiro, on the other hand, doesn’t do that. He is constantly trying to shape Keith to be better and sometimes, yes he gets through to Keith’s healthy adult and stuff (patience yeilds focus), but mostly he appeals to the strict parent telling him to be better. 

It doesn’t surprise me that that’s why he saw Shiro during the Galra trials. He really, really, really wants his approval. He might even see Shiro as the strict modi if he were to personify it. 

I hope you’re as sad about this as I am, because it’s two a.m and this suddenly hit me like 20 minutes ago and I’ve been keeping my emotions in check ever since.

[hallelujuh]

hello yes i just finished lord of the flies (and then watched the 1963 movie immediately afterwards) & i rlly luv piggy so im gonna yell abt Just Piggy Things™ even if no one cares

piggy’s the first character we’re introduced to, after ralph ofc, so that means we’re supposed to get attached, and boy did i get attached..

ass-mar

the fact that he’s been called mean nicknames so long that his real name doesnt matter to him?? he doesnt care what hes called?? poor thing wtf??? hes like eleven hes too little for this

the Flashing Anime Glasses. especially the one w the fire when he starts laughing maniacally. same.

im talking about: “then he laughed so strangely that they were hushed, looking at the flash of his spectacles in astonishment.”

also: “’i got the conch,’ said piggy, in a hurt voice. ‘i got a right to speak.’” let him speak hes the only damn reasonable one. also stop hurting him hes been hurt enough goddamnit 

k but how much he loves ralph? and ralph is annoyed by him??? but then later he confides in him & cries over him & their friendship is my fav in the book so. they bond it just takes a while. but piggy was always good to ralph awe

“i was with him when he found the conch. i was with him before anyone else was.” he finally made a friend dont u take him from him ;-;

k speaking of the conch, in the first movie, his laugh when ralph’s blowing the horn for the first time??? aw??? a rare moment of joy in that sad ass movie?? 

‘63!film piggy is the sweetest & cutest i lob him. ‘90!film piggy was annoying as shit tho i refuse to talk about him.

in the ‘63!film when he puts his hands on his hips when jack says “shut up fatty” and then hides behind the tree when they all laugh at him.

god in the book it’s easy to forget theyre actual babies but with the movie u cant possibly forget and theyre so cute but defenseless it’s so sad

i kno these actors r like 70 or dead now but i wanna go back in time & give them a hug. especially piggy cuz hes a pouty chubby bub gOD IM SO SAD

one last note on the film before i get back to the book: the movie rlly encompassed how awkward i imagined piggy to be & i luv that. also his story time abt camberly was adorable + educational (for me, anyway)

how hurt he is when ralph tells the other boys his name, poor thing ugh :(

“’let him have the conch!’ shouted piggy. ‘let him have it!’” yes stand up for poor lil mulberry child

“piggy knelt by him, one hand on the great shell, listening and interpreting to the assembly.” hes so fuckin sweet??? hes like the mom of the island hes so nice to the littluns i luv him

and when he gets upset over the mulberry boy probably bein killed in the fire :’( hes the most sensible and the most empathetic of all the other boys. what a cinnamon roll. unproblematic fav. true neutral. 10/10. the best boy.

my second favorite line in the whole book: “then, with the martyred expression of a parent who has to keep up with the senseless ebullience of the children, he picked up the conch, turned toward the forest, and began to pick his way over the tumbled scar.” tired mama piggy lmao

he wants to make a sundial?? hes so smart aw

piggy thinking ralph’s patronizing smile was a friendly one :( :( he just wants a friendddd hes so naive & sweet im sadddd

i think it’s implied most of the other boys (particularly the choir boys & ralph) are from a nicer, more upper class part of england, &, despite his intelligence, piggy’s more lower class, judging by his cockney-esque accent (his use of ‘them’ instead of ‘those’, etc.) and also “piggy was an outsider, not only by accent, which did not matter…” idk why this is cute i dunno

“piggy arrived, out of breath and whimpering like a littlun.” me in pe. but also poor thing ;-;

“piggy sniveled and simon shushed him as though he had spoken too loudly in church.” i interpreted shushed as, like, consoled, more than, like, ‘quit crying, ya baby’, which was more what he was doing, but still…first of many cute piggy & simon interactions. i’d ship them but theyre like twelve so nah. but they cute as buddies

“this was too bitter for piggy, who forgot his timidity in the agony of his loss. he began to cry out, shrilly: ‘you and your blood, jack merridew! you and your hunting! we might have gone home-’” this hurts because if jack hadn’t gone hunting, they may have been rescued before simon or piggy died :( :( :( horrible vague foreshadowing

simon getting piggy’s glasses for him when jack throws em ;-;

simon giving his piece of meat (not a euphemism, goddamnit) to piggy.. god simons so sweet hes my second fav

“only, decided ralph as he faced the chief’s seat, i can’t think. not like piggy…he could go step by step inside that fat head of his, only piggy was no chief. but piggy, for all his ludicrous body, had brains.” why does ralph resent piggy sm. it’s like it psychically hurts him to compliment him, even just in his own head. jeez. just cuz someones fat doesnt mean they cant be smart?? the 50s were weird

“piggy came and stood outside the triangle. this indicated that he wished to listen, but would not speak; and piggy intended it as a gesture of disapproval.” aka ‘i’m mad at everyone so im gonna stand two feet away & glare at you all’ aw haha

when he tiptoes onto the triangle cuz hes done w his protesting ahaha aw

“piggy held out his hands for the conch but ralph shook his head.” idk i thought the mental image was cute. “gimme pls” “nuh uh”

what he says about the beast & life being scientific…me & piggy would be buds if he was real lmao

“ralph nodded to piggy. ‘go on. ask him.’ piggy knelt, holding the conch. ‘now then. what’s your name?’ the small boy twisted away into his tent. piggy turned helplessly to ralph..” honestly piggy & ralph are the mom & dad of the colony (jack being the asshole uncle) it’s so cute

“’that’s a clever beast,’ said piggy, jeering, ‘if it can hide on this island.’” sarcastic piggy is sarcastic

more sarcastic piggy earlier in the book: “you got your small fire all right” i lob him

indignant & shrill piggy… and his quote: “’what are we? humans? or animals? or savages?’” honestly lowkey want that tattooed

i fuckin hate jalph but admittedly jack’s jealous lil “’that’s right–favor piggy as you always do.’” is salty & gay lmao

the whole three blind mice convo…i luv

particular highlight in that scene: “’i’m scared of him,’ said piggy, ‘and that’s why i know him. if you’re scared of someone you hate him but you can’t stop thinking about him. you kid yourself he’s all right really, an’ then when you see him again; it’s like asthma an’ you can’t breathe. i tell you what. he hates you too, ralph—’” POOR BABYYY 

also “’i know about people. i know about me. and him. he can’t hurt you: but if you stand out of the way he’d hurt the next thing. and that’s me.” IN THE END ROGER’S THE ONE WHO HURTS HIM UGH :(

“’keep piggy out of danger.’” YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DIE

piggy holding his breath until his asthma acts up & then the boys just leave him??? what dicks

“jack cleared his throat and spoke in a queer, tight voice. ‘we mustn’t let anything happen to piggy, must we?’” AND THEN YOU LET HIM D I E U SALTY BITCH QUIT IT

“piggy put on his one glass and looked at ralph. ‘now you done it. you been rude about his hunters.’ ‘oh shut up!’” why dont more ppl ship them?? compared to jalph theres nothing??? theyre like a married couple it’s precious. like i said - mom & dad of the island.

piggy getting braver & being more of a leader once jack leaves!!! im proud of him!!

“he [simon] sought for help and sympathy and chose piggy” k the two most humane & sympathetic kids on the island, and the two doomed ones, gravitate towards each other & look out for each other & it so sadd

piggy being “so full of pride in his contribution to the good of society” he didnt deserve his fate he was so good im so sad

samneric & piggy making a little mini feast for them?? thats so cute??? 

also “piggy broke into noisy laughter and took more fruit. ‘he might be.’ he gulped his mouthful. ‘he’s cracked’.” piggy u get teased for bein different why would u tease simon (behind his back too) for bein diffrent u hypocrite. noisy laughter tho aw

piggy & ralph laying by the fire & talking…ralph didnt deserve piggy honestly he wasnt even grateful until the very end for such a good friend in such a horrible situation??? ugh

“when he understood how far ralph had gone toward accepting him he flushed pinkly with pride” see? good friendship. piggy just wanted a friend & to be considered valuable. and ralph finally started appreciating him

“piggy took off his glasses, stepped primly into the water, and then put them on again.” prim: stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper. idk why this is funny to me

when he gets annoyed and starts slapping the water & yelling. temper tatrum lmao. dont blame him

“piggy stirred the sand under water and did not look at ralph. ‘p’raps we ought to go too.’ ralph looked at him quickly and piggy blushed. ‘i mean–to make sure nothing happens.’ ralph squirted water again.” they’re so fuckINGN CUTE

“piggy touched ralph’s wrist. ‘come away. there’s going to be trouble. and we’ve had our meat.’“ SO MUCH OF THIS STORY WOULDVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE OTHER BOYS ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PIGGY

“ralph sat down in the grass facing the chief’s seat and the conch. piggy knelt at his left, and for a long minute there was silence.” i luv their dynamic sm. ruler & adviser. no questions asked. ultimate loyalty. so good.

piggy trying to be all rational about simon while ralph freaks out…what a scene. also i luv how awkward their convo w samneric immediately after is

piggy wants to be rescued most and hes the one whos killed!!!! bullshit!!!! justice for piggy!!!

when ralph says piggy should write a letter to his auntie & he takes it serious & ralph laughs & piggy doesnt get it. awe.

the scene where they take his glasses ;-; u made my boi piggy hav an ass-mar attack u monsters,

PIGGY GETTIN ALL BADASS & DETERMINED & TALKING ABOUT WHAT HES GONNA TELL JACK 

“he held out the conch to piggy who flushed, this time with pride” and then “piggy sought in his mind for words to convey his passionate willingness to carry the conch against all odds.” the conch is the only constant on the island, the only dependable thing he has besides ralph, so hes so invested in it, hes pretty much deemed himself the caretaker of the conch, and it dies with him…

the scene where piggy reassures ralph & it says “the twins were examining ralph curiously, as though they were seeing him for the first time” is probably my fav scene in the entire book…it just really shows, in a couple of lines, the characters that ralph & piggy are, and what their relationship is like, and why they’re a partnership throughout the whole book. fantastic.

“’am i safe?’ quavered piggy. ‘i feel awful–’” fuckin foreshadowing, i hate it. imagine being practically blind on a cliff and then, minutes later, falling to your death. god it’s terrible.

piggy crying for ralph not to leave him actually hurts like psychically in my chest. him and simon were babies??? i know it’s fiction but kids are the sweetest things, not even fictional kids deserve to be killed so mercilessly??? im so fuckin sad

his last words…powerful and iconic.

i dont wanna talk about his death. im very sad

k ik it’s terrible but when he died his skull cracked open & his brain more or less fell out (”and stuff came out”, “with his empty head”), and thats p macabre but it’s also symbolic and genius bc when roger killed him he also took away the only thing he had going for him, the only thing that gave him superiority over the others - his intelligence. his brain. 

of course, have to end on: “ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called piggy.” cue me shutting the book, hugging it to my chest, and sobbing

[painpro]

Maedis Even and Gil every number that ends with 2

warning for drug+abuse mentions

maedis

2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

thanks to cik its sort of becoming scarves

4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear?

he basically always wears his leather armor. other than that he just prefers tight fitting clothing to be Aerodynamic , but not fashionable tho im talkin like leggings and a henley

6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

DOGS!!! LOVES DOGS!! fish bad.

8. What is your OC’s theme song?

:)

10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

greed

12.  How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

LOL well youve all seen.... he is not very patient and gets irritated VERY easily. like hes rarely violent and can still recognize when people are his allies but he is a very very prickly guy

14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?

good old imuran potato soup is good enough for him

16. What does your OC smell like?

pine and dog

18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

fears: being trapped both literally and metaphorically

weaknesses: anything that has to do with being likeable or making a good impression (charisma 7.)

strengths: SNIPING 

20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

figure out the quickest and easiest way to make money legal or not

22.  What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

dropout 

24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

Its Bad. he is just always prepared for the worst and if he ends up dying oh well

26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

you know...that big ol lizard that like CARES about him for SOME REASON

he doesnt like cezall at all but he did say some things at hardersfield that stuck with him

28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?

he clenches and unclenches his fists when hes nervous or uncomfortable, and also bites his nails. he got over the drugs a couple years ago so right now NO good on him

30.  Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

no. its just not for him. he has never seen a positive marriage and doesnt get the point of it he thinks its human bullshit. he can barely take care of himself and the idea of a little gremlin following him around calling him dad stresses him out so much and its not like he had good model parents either

32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

just like... certainty and knowing he can 100% trust someone

36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

see this is complicated. he himself would say he doesnt want anything that bad bc he has kind of developed an aggressively apathetic way of viewing things to distance himself from them so it doesnt hurt when they die or leave ... but this question also strikes me as being about ambition, and he has None, he has kind of completely given up on himself and doesnt dream about doing anything anymore so im going to say probably really nothing he does not care about anything that much yet

38. What would your character do with a million dollars?

buy himself an actual house instead of living in a harry potter broom closet in the theater

40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

i imagine cik is probably taking him out. hed wear his normal armor but before leaving as an afterthought take off his red scarf and put on the black one cik got him

42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

made this chart for this very question

44. How does your character react/ accept criticism?

DONT LIKE THAT. usually with a “shut the fuck up” or “dont tell me what to do” he bristles a lot at that

46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

god he would..at first be like “this is bullshit” then when no one was looking hed def try to poke it (he actually is curious about magic a little bit but would rather die than show it)

48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

hoo okay. his mom died when he was 2 giving birth to his little sister, they were left with their dad who was a hardass and super rough w maedis frequently . he always felt like both his dad and sister resented him and hey he didnt like them either and resented his sister for “killing his mom” 

basically he feels like he cnt trust anyone and believes everyone dislikes him by default , like you cant assume anyone likes you if your own family didnt

he also only has like 1 or 2 memories of his mom but theyre good and they had the same hair

50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

he would get high as FUCK ex-addict be damned . hed probs get so high hed overdose and die before his death date

gil

2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

he really likes like...pressed leaves and stuff like that. cool rocks. sticks

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

not super super patient, but more in an annoying “are we there yet” sort of way rather than being hot headed and aggressive 

22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

the kid that brings his guitar to school. hed really like bio in theory but actually is not very good at the work and does not want to dissect the frog

32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

answers

42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

not YET.....

[madhattaproductions]

Generation Millenial

The millenia generation is the generation of expectation Where our parents were young thir parents would consider it amazing for them to do what we're expected to do now. We're expected to be perfect by elders and role models by our younger counterparts, we're expected to be perfect brothers and sisters and we're expected to be curteous. We're expected to be gratious for everything we're given, even when bad comes to worse we're told that 'it is better than nothing'. There are kids choking on medicine no older than twelve because they have 'something wrong' but we know it's the expectations that weigh us down and the stress that makes us drown. There are kids no older than fourteen and fifteen that want to kill themselves. There are people from the age of twelve and up suffering for the expectations that they cannot fulfil. We, as a whole, are expected to be the amazing generation, the generation of smart kids and wealthy families. We, as people, are expected to be kind, caring and supportive even when people cant do the same for us because it is considered better to be hurt than to hurt others. We, as a conformed society, are told that our problems don't matter, that they're only first world problems and that there is so much worse. Don't get me wrong I'm aware that there is worse. But rape is not a 'first world problem'. An abusive family is not a 'first world problem'. An abusive relationship is not a 'first world problem' and you could never understand if you haven't been involved in it. You cannot expect us to be mindless robotic clones of yourselves and you cannot expect us to 'just move on'. Depression and anxiety are monsters that run rampant through the Internet and feast upon our stress, they tear apart reason and destroy us, lurking in out hearts even when we do our best. The words 'mental illness' are different to 'mental problem'. The illness is not something that can be cured, you cannot get up one day and not feel it there tugging at you, begging for you to look back. The problem is something you can solve. The illness lasts until you get to know it, breathe it, live it. The problem is only the cause. You cannot expect us to be perfect when you shove us all into a container of what will be and sort us into boxes of what should be while trampling our own selves with words like 'you could never be'. We are taught what we should be from the age of one and expected to be what we will by the age of fifteen, accepted only by having the conformity of thousands by age twenty one and by working until we're unable to survive any longer. We are brought up on the premise that we will know what we can never be, we will never understand and that we will become what you could never be. How do you expect us to know anything when all we know is what you tell us to? You threaten us with expulsion for minor grievances like our socks or our hair as if socks and hair have anything to do with learning we're only learning to be the same all over and that being ourselves is not okay. We are the admittance generation: the only one so far to truly label itself in hopes of seeking chaos or praise for what we were told never to question. We call ourselves what we will because we were told we could never fit in to anything and we would never be accepted, and then we'd run home saying it was all true unknowing that it was just a stage play put together and orchestrated by those who swear by the same thing. We are young and but we are not all naive. We are brought up with fire of the speech and ice of the feelings We are taught to have empathy but to never ever feel a thing So how could we possibly be okay? How do you say "just do it" "its okay", How can you fathom this pressure while telling us that you had it worse? How could you possibly know what it's like to be told your hardships don't matter? How could you understand the torture of pretending everything is wonderful when you can't even get up in the mornings, when you want so badly to fall and not look back into the dark chasm of chaos that becomes your mind. By that logic the kid who cuts doesn't matter; the girl that cries at night just to fall asleep and wake up an hour later doesn't matter; the older sibling who doesnt know how to tell their younger that they love them and they won't be back, the kid who left home because they were told that they weren't wanted doesn't matter. You don't deserve to tell anyone that they don't matter, keep your goddamned mouth shut. You can't encourage this sickness because you don't find it moral but here you are so sweet one second then a tyrannical dictator the next. You expect us to be what you couldn't. You expect us to be pliable. You expect us to worship what you say over what you do but how could we when all we want to do Is leave ourselves behind. You scream at us for feeling happy or sad so don't you dare yell at us when we don't know how to interact. You yell when we're pedantic about clenliness and yell when we let it go for a while. You yell when we don't do enough and you yell when we do too much, Until there is no right or wrong just what you drill into us We learn to stay silent and accept and that's how you earn the title of good parent while we hurt on the inside until that hurt gets out and then you have the audacity to call us out As if the attempt were nothing, as if the scars are nothing, as if our bodies are only vessels for your commands. As if the world were spinning and you finally get your master plan. As if the open wounds arent bleeding, as if the torn skin wasn't from being scratched, as if the phobia of an open door wasn't because of the people that walked through it and as if our fear of people's opinions wasn't because of you As if we weren't scared of the beatings society gave us like gifts on Christmas day but three hundred and sixty five days a year every way you could imagine. The reason we are so scared is because we fear ourselves more than anything else, taught that we are monsters for not knowing how to express ourselves, learnt to be afraid of what we could do. Taught that we could never know anything only to be told we are stupid dirty trash for 'acting dumb' or 'playing stupid'. Taught to be kind only to be treated like a compound in the soil that you couldn't get off your shoe and are trying to figure out if it's dogshit or gum or some screwed up mix of the two. The reality is eating away at me and it needs to be known. We need awareness for what has been done, the things nobody can bear to talk about, what nobody can dare to even think of. The things that happen in this world are not so easily overcome and we're tortured with the words whats wrong where nothing is but we don't feel anything Nothing is exciting and nothing is unexpected Unexpected things get in the way of what we're supposed to do and all at the same time we're ridiculed for wanting to do what we're told to do. It's a bullshit tug of war between you should, you will and you won't where the winning side takes you to 'but you could have'. I dont know how else to put it, and maybe a lot of things are just silly, but I dont know anymore. Your life, my life, their lives. They are alive. Please remember that you treat people how you wish to be treated and that people will treat others how they've been treated. People are cruel, but we are crueler to ourselves than they could ever be. So don't give up on yourself because you arent alone, you aren't one in a million, you aren't the only one and you will never be alone if you will yourself to be with someone that's like you. I can't stress enough that the Millenial generation is the generation of expectation and fatality so please, Think before you speak, type or send. Please think before you do. Please talk before you can't anymore because we believe at the very least that you won't be the person to hurt us. Please, don't burn us down in an effort to make yourself better, don't push us down so you can get higher because the higher they get the harder they hit rock bottom. Please, don't throw us away. Just appreciate yourself, your best, you aren't just a book on a shelf you're a world waiting to be discovered and recovered from your battered shell. Those wounds are not ugly, those scars are not gross, your nature is not humiliating and you yourself are just in waiting. And if somebody won't save you then get up and read yourself, discover the amazingness that is you and flaunt it. Throw it in the faces of the unbelievers and scorn the sheep and cattle as you will because fuck it all you deserve it. You deserve to be loved, we deserve the equality that the nation so desperately pleads for. We are what we are and there isnt a thing I'd change about myself unless it was to be able to show you people that you are more than you credit yourself for. We are more than we were taught we ever could be. -MadHattaProductions- Awareness about Mental health and the Millenials