#anybody having issues makes him have a meltdown

[coffeeghoulie]

Could we get something where Phantom/Aeon realizes for the first time he is truly safe and loved in the new pack

I sprinkled some of my Aeon headcanons/lore on this one, I hope you don't mind.

Aeon had a rough time in the Pit and is afraid the other ghouls will hurt him, he does have sensory issues and a meltdown, but all ends well.

Aeon is summoned, brought Topside, in a particularly chaotic time.

He's rushed through practices, learns to harness his magick and play guitar, and is thrown into a tour that lasts several months. Sure, he's in tight quarters with a bunch of strange ghouls, he gets to know them, grows to like them even, but he's constantly on his guard. He knows what other ghouls are like, especially to a runt of a quintessence ghoul like him, and has the scars and marks to prove it. He spends the entire tour doing his best to keep up, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Getting back to the Abbey after the tour ends is just as drastic a change. Aeon's a ghoul who thrives on routines. In the Pit, it was simple: Scavenge enough food and clean water to survive, avoid the roaming packs of ghouls looking for easy pickings, repeat. Tour is similar enough, try to get enough sleep, keep his energy up, perform his best every night, crash on the bus, repeat.

When the tour ends, Aeon is faced with a daunting amount of free time. Sure, he has chores and duties, but nothing as demanding as the touring he's grown accustomed to. He doesn't deal with change well, throws everything off rhythm and makes it so much easier to overload him. Aeon spends most of his free time holed up in his room, door locked to the rest of the ghouls.

It's a shitty morning to begin with. The neckline of his pajama shirt rests against his throat, nearly setting off his gag reflex as he wakes up. Aeon changes into somebody else's hoodie that made its way into his room. The smell isn't quite right, doesn't fit him the way he likes, but it's the only clean top he has, and Aeon can't bring himself to go do laundry. The lights are too bright, and Aeon hisses, pulling the hood over his shaggy hair to shield his eyes.

Aeon slinks out of his room, trying to avoid the others as he heads to the kitchen. He just wants to grab some food, some fruit or something, and dart back to the safety of his room.

Naturally, that isn't what happens.

Cirrus, Swiss, and Dew are all in the kitchen, talking loudly and laughing with each other as Cirrus slips out, steaming mugs in their hands. The fire and multi ghouls turn and swivel to face him as he enters. Aeon gulps, pinned in place by their gazes.

"Morning, sleepyhead. Nice hoodie," Swiss teases, tail swishing behind him lazily. He grins wide, and Aeon does his best to hide his flinch as Swiss bares his fangs.

"We haven't seen much of you lately," Dew observes, taking a long drink from his mug, locking eyes with Aeon as he drinks.

Aeon burrows further into the hoodie, claws worrying at hangnails as he tucks his hands in the front pocket. "Sorry," he whispers, tail flicking behind him. He shudders as the sensitive spade scrapes against the tile. Aeon shrinks back

"You're always hiding in your room," Dew says, brows furrowed slightly. "What, are you afraid of us?"

"We spent months in real tight quarters, buggy," Swiss says, reaching out and setting a hand on Aeon's shoulder. "I know you value your privacy, but you can't hide in there forever."

Aeon flinches, jerking his shoulder back from Swiss's hand. "I just want to get something to eat. Don't wanna get in anybody's hair."

"You're not," Swiss says, frowning slightly, and Lucifer, that stings. "We just wanna know why you don't want to spend time with us."

"Yeah, voidling, we were all buddy-buddy on tour," Dew adds on. "What happened? We didn't upset you, didn't we?" Dew reaches out, touches his chest, and Aeon feels himself pushed over the edge, past an overload and hurtling towards a meltdown.

"Why won't you all leave me the fuck alone?" Aeon snarls, eyes flashing white-hot silver. His ears pin flat to his head, his tail lashing behind him. He snaps his fangs at Dew's outstretched hand, quintessence crackling in purple bolts like static electricity along his skin, looking for all the world like a feral ghoul straight out of the deepest, darkest parts of the Pit.

Dew flinches back, eyes wide with an expression that Aeon wishes more than anything he could read. Swiss takes a step back, swallowing hard as he holds his hands up placatingly. Aeon feels his stomach flip, eyes blurring with tears.

He takes a shaking step back, away from the fire ghoul. He ignores the others calling his name. He can't tell if they're calling for him out of anger, itching to put him in his place for disturbing their tentative peace.

His brain tells him he's back in the Pit, alone and in danger, surrounded by bigger, stronger ghouls, and his body acts accordingly. His hands dig into his hair, covering his ringing ears, claws biting into his scalp. He shrinks away from them, squeezing his eyes shut as he backs himself into the corner, back sliding down the wall as he makes himself as small as he can.

Aeon opens his mouth to beg, to plead with them for forgiveness, but can't find his words, human language escaping him, stuck in his throat. He hears Cirrus step back into the room, butting past Dew and Swiss, and feels her presence as she crouches down near him.

"Darling," she whispers. "Sweetheart, can you tell me what's wrong? It's okay if you can't."

"Please don't hurt me," he chitters, the ghoulish easier on his tongue. "I'm sorry, please don't hurt me."

Cirrus straightens, turning back to the other ghouls as she shifts backwards, giving Aeon a little more space. "Boys, I need you to take three steps back."

Aeon can hear their footsteps, breathes a little easier. He keeps muttering in ghoulish, pleading her, waiting to feel her sharp claws make contact. Tears streak down his cheeks, and he can't control his sobs as he feels three pairs of eyes on him.

"We're not going to hurt you, Aeon," she says, voice soft like a breeze. "Why would we hurt you? Darling, you're pack."

That's enough to shock Aeon out of his tears, opening his eyes to meet hers. "I'm not anybody's pack," He says, voice shaking as Cirrus's face falls. "I've never been anybody's pack."

"You're our pack, Aeon," she breathes. "Darling, you are as much our pack as any of us here. I'm sorry we haven't been clear about it."

Dew nods, taking a hesitant step forward. "Voidling, we all love you. I swear to the Father Below, none of us will ever hurt you," he says, sinking to his knees by Cirrus's side, his hands palm up and open on his thighs. "I'm sorry we kept pushing you."

Aeon wipes his eyes with the oversized sleeves of his hoodies, sniffling as Swiss kneels at Cirrus's other side. There's enough distance between the three of them and him that he doesn't feel cornered, but something in him feels right having them close.

"What did you mean, buggy, that you've never been anybody's pack?" Swiss asks, gold eyes full of something Aeon realizes with a start is concern. "You don't have to tell us, we just want to understand."

Aeon makes eye contact with Swiss for the first time since he lashed out. "Nobody wants a quintessence runt," he whispers. "Been on my own for a long time."

"Aeon, voidling," Dew says. "You're not alone anymore. You don't have to be."

"Besides, we do want you, buggy," Swiss says. "We want you in our pack so much. We want to see you, more than just glances. We're not solitary creatures, you know."

Cirrus reaches out hesitantly, her hand open and non-threatening, claws glamoured away. "Can I touch you, darling boy?"

Aeon nods and launches himself into her arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her honeysuckle-jasmine scent. "You promise you're not gonna hurt me?" he whispers.

"May I be banished to the Pits if I break that promise, darling," she whispers in his ear. She notices the chunk missing from the shell of his ear, holds him closer as she purrs soothingly. Swiss sets a gentle hand on the small of his back, and Dew runs glamoured fingers through his shaggy hair. "You'll never be hurt again."

They kneel there on the kitchen floor for a while, until Aeon shifts uncomfortably. Cirrus moves to let him go, and he clings harder, whimpering. "Please," he whispers. "Just, my knees hurt."

Cirrus chuckles, shifting herself. "Mine too. Are you alright if we go to the couches in the common room? Far more comfortable than the kitchen floor."

He tenses, but nods, hesitantly extricating himself from Cirrus's arms. Swiss helps him to his feet, leading the group to the oversized futon in the common room. Aeon and Swiss lay down, Aeon curled up to the multi-ghoul's warm chest, his arms wrapped tight around him. Cirrus sidles up against Aeon's back, rubbing soft patterns along his bicep over the hoodie. Dew lays horizontal to them, letting Aeon rest his head on the softness of his stomach, purring like a rusty motor.

One by one, the other ghouls join the cuddle pile, Aeon in the center, and he's never felt safer in his life. He chuffs, safe and content, drifting off to sleep, surrounded by the soft breathing of his pack.

[tobi-smp]

in the wake of the dream smp crashing and burning in a dumpster fire if it were also a nuclear meltdown, earlier aspects of season 4 have faded into the background a bit. it's hard to get worked up over hiccups in characterization or pacing issues when we have Literally everyone dying and coming back to life with their memories wiped

but Let It Be Known, I'm still salty over the wilbur and eret stream.

after Literal Years of eret trying to find redemption for what she'd done but struggling with the fact that the person she hurt the most Wasn't There Anymore, they finally FINALLY get to see each other face to face and what she does is chew him out.

eret Doesn't Apologize To Wilbur. after all of that, the first and Only time they get to have a conversation after wilbur came back from the dead, Eret Doesn't Apologize To Him. Wilbur apologizes to Eret.

it makes. No Sense. not for eret's characterization, not for the dynamic she's been building up with wilbur (idolizing the Idea of him and of l'manberg, quite Literally preserving it's memory). and not for Wilbur.

eret isn't personally responsible for wilbur taking his life, but she Certainly played a major role in the events and mindset that lead to it. eret of all characters absolutely should not have been the one trying to hold wilbur to task for not apologizing hard enough. eret shouldn't feel Owed an apology at all.

an eret and wilbur stream should've been an absolute slam dunk, and instead it feels like eret could be replaced with anybody and it would've worked Better.

in the grand scheme of things it's hard to be mad about, But It's Still A Bit Fucked Up Innit

[slashertrash]

Would you mind writing Brahams and/or Bubba with a s/o who’s autistic and stims a lot and has a lot of echolalia stims but is embarrassed about them when they realize theyre stimming in front of them? Thank you and have a wonderful day!! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

Of course I don’t mind, hun! 💖 I tried researching a bit about echolalia, hope I do you proud! Please let me know if I mess anything up though!

Bubba and Brahms with an s/o who has an echolalia stim

Bubba

I hc that Bubba's autistic and nonverbal!

He shows a lot of traits of having trouble with social cues, and trouble with his impulse control. Also suffers meltdowns when in high stress situation, most likely from his brother's yelling or from victims getting away.

He stims by touching textures (mainly his mask!) and probably has an oral stim too! And I bet he loves to feel around the textures of his crafts, like his bracelet or whatever bone decoration is around the house.

He was a bit cut off guard when you do a vocal stim near him for the first time. Why did you repeat what his brother just said? Where you making fun of him?

You'd have to explain to him about your vocal stim to help him understand that you're not making fun of him or his brothers. Once you do he's completely understanding!

He assures you that you shouldn't be embarrassed of your stims. While spending time together, whether it be interacting or doing your own things in silence, you both feel comfortable enough to stim around each other. He's absolutely smitten with everything that you do <3

Brahms

As for Brahms, I hc him having BPD. It shows when Greta becomes his favorite person, his sudden mood swings towards her, his impulsiveness to threaten anyone who tries to sweep her away from him, and how quick it is to anger him. Lots of anger issues as well

Brahms had watched you for a while inside the mansion's walls, so he has seen and heard you stim beforehand.

He's probably read up on many autistic traits and information in the books around the mansion. So he probably knows some things about echolalia and/or stims.

He'd be interested on what your thoughts are on the different phrases or words that you repeat. What made you like them, or what brought them up.

Once he comes out of the walls and you're talking to the real him face to face, you may notice him still watching you from time to time. *cough* all the time, he can't help it

He finds all your stims to be fascinating, he loves hearing your voice and is just so thrilled to finally be with you. Brahms absolutely is head over heels. You're his new favorite person!

Really clingy and possessive, but he'd tone it down if you tell him to. Just be honest! Communication is key. <3

Finally getting the hang of writing again! So sorry if there's any grammar mistakes, English ain't my main language!

As a side note, I would like to say that in no way am I trying to demonize or correlate these mental health conditions to literal slashers. I've got some undiagnosed au/dhd + possible bpd and you don't see me (or anybody else) slashing and dashing out there! These are just my thoughts, and how I'd like to explain the traits or deeper feelings behind these characters! Idk if I worded this correctly but y'all get my point!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to hang out with my autistic brother?

For context, I (Minor) am also autistic and have EXTREME sensory issues and am very empathetic. My brother (20M) is non-verbal, has very loud stims, and has meltdowns. Not very frequently, but a year or two ago he had them at least once every few months.

Also another note, he is incapable of living by himself and will never move out of our parents house. He is almost in every way dependent on our parents.

AKA I am a lot more “””””high-functioning””””” than him. I hate that term but we are on almost totally different sides of the spectrum basically.

BTW when I say I don’t want to hang out with him, I’m not saying I whine and complain about it to everyone in the general vicinity. ((I have never told anybody about this and keep it to myself.)) But instead I mean that what happens is that I either try to do my best to ignore him or I quietly leave the room.

The first and main reason why I don’t want to hang out with him is that he has extremely loud stims that do not go well with my sensory issues at ALL. He makes loud vocal stims and runs or walks around the area. He usually does this outside or in his room (because he likes to be alone), but whenever he’s in the main room of our house he’ll do it then too.

And our main room is almost always very loud already, which is unavoidable considering 4-6 of us are in the house at a time, plus the house is echoey. (I could be in my room with a closed door and fan all the way on and could still hear people in the main room)

I have already tried to combat this problem with wearing ear plugs, but it just doesn’t work out. 

I don’t want him to stop stimming, I just cannot deal with the loudness. Whenever he is downstairs I usually go back to my room, turn my fan on all the way, and listen to music to avoid it.

The second reason is that when he has meltdowns, he’s even louder (screams/yells) and is “”aggressive”” (he doesn’t have any bad intent he just runs, flips our parents off, punch, kick, etc) usually our parents are able to control the situation, but there have been times in the past where he has harmed me during these meltdowns. I don’t hate him for it at all. But it has installed a fear in me about being around him during/after his meltdowns. 

And for the record, he isn’t a small guy. He’s 6’ft, and at least 40 pounds heavier than me. I am 5’7ft and barely 100 pounds.

And even if this part wasn’t true I still get VERY stressed by his stims + emotions.

I don’t hate him or want him to stop stimming, I just cannot hang out in the same room with him without having sensory overload, being stressed, or sometimes being scared.

I’m probably leaving out some details but. AITA for not wanting to hang out with my autistic brother?

(could you tag this as 1️⃣ so i can find it easier, please?)

What are these acronyms?

[nightgoodomens]

A lot of asks under the cut:

I think we figured out that this fandom can’t take criticism of anything, they had a meltdown when people called out a fictional character for being an ass, so I can imagine with them being unable to comprehend that some people do not like their queen.

I don’t understand why the concept of some people not liking other people is so horrifying and impossible to understand.

They’re all public figures, people base their opinions on what they see, some people will be indifferent, some won’t like them, some will like them, some will love them, some will hate them.

Looking for all the excuses right out of the ass why someone would hate them and it’s definitely not the idol’s fault… it is just… it ain’t that deep.

It’s fucking embarrassing honestly.

You will need to be a bit more specific regarding which issues 😅

I don’t know what she was thinking or what MS was thinking and I’m pretty happy that their situation isn’t my problem and I don’t need to go too much into it 😂 What they’re showing the public is painful to watch. We will never know what exactly was going on there but what we see/know isn’t pretty.

She shouldn’t be in the limelight because she hasn’t accomplished anything to deserve it. She isn’t in one anyway, the only people who know about her are people interested in Michael enough to care who he has kids with and find out her name AND then actually care to follow her.

I love that you said “wives” because their fans keep on making AL a wife but MS had her pop two kids out but didn’t pop the question himself.

Throw in a few “ewww” “disgusting” “depraved” “sickos” “sexist” and you’re nearly there 😂

Oh yeah - if this was about a man and a woman and they’d do 5% of what MS/DT do then you’d have articles written about it and everyone talking about it. It’s only automatically a joke because they’re two dudes.

Imagine if a man said “she’s easy to fall in love with” “I love her” “she’s my lover” stared at her lovingly constantly, called her “his partner”, and his other partner would call them “boyfriend/girlfriend”, media would be all over it and nobody would be screaming “disgusting” or a joke.

The biggest irony is that this fandom is supposed to be open minded 😂

She got pregnant at a young age by a stranger and ever since has been living in a bubble where she’s worshipped for existing by her man’s fandom who’s ensuring her she doesn’t need to do anything to be called a queen. The only jobs she scored were sorted out by him. I’m not surprised she’s still a muppet who’s learned nothing and doesn’t want to leave the fantasy bubble tbf.

She’s been obsessively copying GT to the point where I think GT has been smoothly taking the piss out of her partly for it. From “soooo linked” to “throw her a hashtag and see if it sticks” to “oh you have Getty image, here’s a cute selfie my hubby took with your man when he was happy”. Song choices have been funny too.

This fandom went downhill really quick. I scroll my dash maybe once a day and hope to see a few nice arts, scrolling through words. Art gives me the ick sometimes too unfortunately. Every time I read something I don’t even know wtf people are talking about anymore. It has nothing to do with the show.

When S3 comes out I will watch it and never check what anybody else thought about it. People ruined S2 for me and I’m not letting them do the same with S3.

Thank you for still reading this blog :)

Bruh I wish. I fucking wish. But suddenly it won’t apply when he goes all nepo on this show anyway. It’s gonna be spot the relative season.

You’d probably need to ask him this question 😅

They had one night stand, she got knocked up, he sold a lot of what he had and moved to Wales, she wanted to be big shit but the only jobs she scored were sorted out by him, she got pregnant again, she likes to take digs about him and his looks, he started looking miserable as hell with her, he paid her for a photoshoot and had GT do her promo, yet again it flopped, so now she’s suddenly feeding everyone how she totally luvs him (still slips a dig in because she can’t help herself) because heart grows fonder when shit doesn’t work out.

I don’t know why he’s with her. Maybe he’s actually deeply in love with her but decided to show the whole world that he is miserable with her for shits and giggles. Maybe they play up zero chemistry for cameras for some reason. Maybe he loves her so much he never speaks about her but perks up the second “DT” is mentioned and goes off about how much he loves him, how easy he’s to fall in love with, how good he looked in a kilt… Yeah that makes zero fucking sense, doesn’t it 😂

Responsibility I guess.

[a-crumb-of-whump]

i want carlos to get accidentally triggered into a meltdown in front of ryker's friends :) like a full whimpering and sobbing and incoherent speech meltdown :) i'm sure he'd be absolutely MORTIFIED by that :)

Masterlist

not exactly what was described but i'm happy with it nonetheless :3 lots of fluff

-

Carlos wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but here. Sitting at the dining table with five humans and no opportunity to politely excuse himself due to the never-ending conversation they were having. Over time, his throat had begun to restrict and he was sure he could hear the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He wanted out. He needed out. 

But no one was paying any attention to him. Not even his humans who were seated on either side of him. If he wanted to leave, he had to make the first move. That was a terrifying realisation to make, and one that only increased his feelings of being trapped. He supposed that may have been what tipped him over the edge to begin with. That and the sudden roar of laughter from all five of them. 

It was like someone had flicked a switch within him, and suddenly everything he’d been trying to hold in boiled over. 

“Hey,” Charlie gently called to him. He leaned forward a little in his seat and reached out a hand, presumably trying to get the vampire’s attention. “Carlos, what happened? Can you say something?” 

He couldn’t. Every fibre of his being worked in an attempt to force something out, and yet nothing could make it past his lips. Nothing apart from a small, choked sob that prompted him to grasp at Ryker’s arm so tight that he was sure to leave some bruising. 

The fact that everyone around him was watching only made things worse. He could feel his face heating up and his leg start to bounce anxiously beneath the table, a habit he was sure he picked up from Ryker. 

“‘m sorry,” he rasped, feeling not only Ryker’s, but Adam’s hand rubbing his back comfortingly as he hunched over in his seat to try and make himself feel smaller. He’d always wished he could disappear when things got too much.  “Please be gentle when you pu-unish me. I’m- I’m sorry.” 

Before he knew it, everyone had trickled out of the room and into the living area. Everyone but Ryker, who had adjusted the position of the vampire’s chair so it was facing away from the table and he could kneel between his legs.

“You don’t have to say anything until you’re ready,” he quietly assured him the moment Carlos struggled to wring another apology out of himself. “You’re not getting punished, nor are you in trouble. I’ve had more meltdowns in that very chair you’re sitting in than you can count.” 

Despite himself, he managed a strained laugh. Not loud enough for anybody but the two of them to hear, but enough to know that it was as genuine as it could get. 

“Do you remember that conversation we had about overstimulation?” he asked. Carlos gave him a tentative nod. “Do you think that all the noise and the people may have caused something like that?” 

There was a long pause. Carlos supposed it was his attempt at stalling until he was able to speak again in a way that was coherent. 

He sniffled. “Maybe, but- but it’s never been an issue before.” 

Ryker shrugged. “I don’t think it’s that it wasn’t an issue. I think the problem is that you were living in a constant state of overstimulation, which you’ve now been free from for, what? Almost a month now?” 

“I think so.” 

“So, unfortunately you’re not going to handle it as well as you would have back then.” The human offered him a gentle smile, using his thumb to stroke the palm of his hand as he cupped it in his own. “It’s okay. Totally normal. Good, even. It means you’re getting better at caring for yourself enough to avoid these things. Of course… that doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking suck.” 

Despite the few involuntary whimpers he let out, Carlos could feel himself beginning to calm down. He would have crushed the human in a hug by now, if it weren’t for the touch of his hands already verging on being too much. Nonetheless, he refused to let go of them. They were safe. They told him someone he loved was within arm’s reach. There was nothing more comforting than that. 

“I’m sorry,” he tried again. “I know you’ve been waiting to see them all week ‘n’ I know I ruined it for you.” 

The moment it all clicked in his head was obvious. “Is that why you assumed I was going to punish you?” he asked, a slight frown on his face that only deepened when Carlos tearily nodded. “But you know that I wouldn’t, right?” 

“Most of the time,” the vampire mumbled. “So-ometimes it becomes a nagging thought in the back of m’head ‘n’ I convince myself that you would. I know it’s irrational and silly and selfish of me to be feeling that way despite how many times you’ve proven that you wouldn’t, but I can’t help it.”

Ryker rolled his eyes. “It’s not selfish. You’ve survived things that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Trauma is inevitably going to come as a result, but hey.” His smile suddenly returned, looking as though it was one of amusement more than anything else. “You’re the one who could toss me like I weigh nothing, aren’t you?” 

He let out a gentle laugh the moment Carlos’ eyes blew dramatically wide. The vampire shook his head and reached out a shaking hand to run it through Ryker’s hair, just enough to push it out of his eyes before settling on his shoulder. 

“Never,” he quietly protested. “I couldn’t. Not to you.” 

“Seems like we’re on the same page, then.” 

Carlos glanced down at his lap, where their hands sat intertwined with each other. “I guess we are,” he quietly agreed. “Thank you, sir.”

Taglist: @choppedflowermuffinchild @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @some-thrilling-heroics @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @paniatheweirdone @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @whumpdreamz

[ohbo-ohno]

Hi!!!! I love you so much it's literally destroying me from the inside, your writing is AMAZING. I love dark fics and dark romance and all pf the yandere stuff so I finally found the courage to write you!! What would ghoap do with a girl who has VERY strict diet preferences? It's always a big trouble for me in imagining yandere scenarios because I'm autistic and can literally eat like 10 or 15 dishes and they are mostly bland and considered child's food from other people's perspective. I can just imagine our girl literally throwing up and not able to eat not because she is on hunger strike or wants to anger them, but because she literally can't eat what they brought her. Maybe it's some takeout with very weird sauce, maybe it's meat that she doesn't like, and Johnny is freaking out because she was VERY against eating everything he brought to her, but she can't even tell it to him because explaining to your kidnapper that the plane fries and chicken nuggets are the only dish you can eat is more embarrassing that being kidnapped in the first place. I wonder if Ghost would be more understanding or they would all together consider this just a fit because they are Big Military Men who can literally eat garbage for weeks straight, so they don't understand how she can freak out from a little tomato accidentally touching her food. Maybe they are forcefully feeding those things to her when she is misbehaving, like a part of "bad pet doesn't receive her favorite food" dynamic. I just like more mundane stuff because what if her blanket is too itchy and she can't sleep and they think she is just misbehaving but she literally?? can't force herself to touch it?? And she is actually more or less fine with being kidnapped because this is a controlled environment and she doesn't have to worry about working or being overwhelmed in real world, but she needs everything to be perfect because she will literally blow up otherwise and they really don't understand

hello! i'm glad you messaged me, i promise im not scary at all lol but i get real anxious talking to literally anybody on the internet so i get it :)

i've talked a little bit about reader being a picky eater here :)

im not autistic but i've got some sensory issues too, i'm definitely the type of person to not buy a pair of pants i love because they feel wrong on the inside lol. i've ordered burgers and taken like a single bite because i can't handle the texture of the cheese

i've said it a few times but i think they'd be so invested in making you as happy as physically possible, they wouldn't really get frustrated if you had really specific issues. like, they'd want you to tell them so they might get a little pissy when you refuse to eat your food for some reason, but once they realize what it is (and that it's not something you're doing intentionally) they're real careful to make sure you get food you can actually eat, blankets you can actually touch

i think you were onto something with them getting angry and ignoring certain needs, though. as much as he cares i can 100% see johnny giving you the Wrong blanket when he's pissy, petty shit like that. feels bad when you have a meltdown, apologizes and gets you a better one right away :(

[baby-fics]

(@lake-lanier-bog-fog Request: hello, i don't know if you still take requests but could i get some poly!cg!ghostface with a little reader who has autism pretty please? if you aren't taking requests or don't want to do this that is 100% okay)

(No prob! Hope you liked this! I have autism myself so I'm glad this was one of my first requests :3, if you want anything specific addressed that I missed just lmk. Thanks for reading!)

♾️ Infinitely Adorable ♾️

(TW: food issues, texture issues, meltdowns, light stalking mentions, slight bullying, reference to murder, ya know Ghostface things)

First off, let it be known that anybody who decides to tease or belittle you? Dead. No question about it, that is a line nobody is allowed to cross; except for maybe them but that's beside the point. Don't worry, these two will be sure to kindly inform them of their grave mistake later.

But you don't need to worry about that precious! Play with Billy's hand instead, they know you like to use their hands as fidgets. Stimming freely, making faces, echolalia, sensory issues, the works. It's all accepted with them lil one and don't you dare hide! They may not understand everything at first, but these boys are very determined. (Plus when you stim or make little noises they think it's the cutest thing ever)

Textures are a big thing they watch out for:

Certain food textures make you feel icky, and the boys are VERY accommodating about this! They have spent most of your relationship learning what textures bother you the most and making sure that above all you're healthy and comfortable.

Physical touch can often be genuinely horrible depending on the touch. The last time you held unfinished wood with your bare hands, you proceeded to gag and violently flap your hands. So needless to say, this is something they care about quite a bit.

Overstimulation is something that Stu completely empathizes with and he actually helps the best in this term, he may not have Autism but Stu does empathise. He has a pair of headphones wrapped in your favorite color tape along with a mixtape of songs that calm you down and a weighted stuffie in a backpack that's kept in the car.

When your understimulated, what better way than for Billy to yeet the baby? No seriously, he'll set up a pillow mountain on the bed, pick you up, and just yeet you into them. Works wonders. Stu will also have you grab his wrists tight and he will push your shoulders so you bounce onto the bed and he'll pull you up by his wrist and repeat! The giggles this elicits are his favorite sound on earth.

These boys definitely keep you a spoiled baby, but you're not rotten yet so what's the harm. We all know Stu is loaded and he will absolutely drown you in stuffies, fidgets, coloring books, you. name. it. Seriously! All you gotta do is name it, Stu doesn't even really care for 'please'! Billy does though and encourages you to use your manners when you ask for things.

Stu enjoys listening to you ramble about whatever your special interest may be and will attempt to engage with you if the interest is activity based. So will Billy but.. he has a harder time listening to rambles.

Your Papa's have a set routine around bedtime that gives you something to expect and wind down with. They start with a bath and clean you up while letting you play, then move to brushing teeth, and then Daddy Stu helps to put your onesie on you while Papa Billy makes you a bottle.

Stu does story time and always does silly voices when he reads. Billy sits and cuddles you while you drink and listen to him read one of your younger books aloud.

Billy is really good at picking up when a meltdown begins and stopping them before they start. Do they get triggered by indecision? Not to worry Billy actually really likes taking over for decisions when you need. Did something happen to throw off the routine of your day and now the whole thing feels like a wash? Billy will either help fix the setback or try to distract you from that setback!

He will pay very close attention to what sets you off. Heck Billy has a journal dedicated to your quirks and needs in detail. Billy stalks you even though you're literally always with him and his partner, to Billy? You're his special interest.

Overall, these two are a great combination for an Autistic little. Very much under the Attack dog Caregiver category lol.

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[lucysweatslove]

I decided to stay home from school today. I tried putting on a pair of leggings and long story short, sensory needs said nope. I don’t know exactly what it was other than just a sensory nope. Leggings are usually safe, but today they weren’t. Idk. (Before anybody tries to tell me I need to “get over it” because I won’t have this luxury in clerkships or beyond: scrubs have never been unsafe so as long as I can wear scrubs I’m fine, and I can make do with a bad sensory day if needed but I’m not about to get myself closer to autistic burn out because of both clothing/tactile sensory overstimulation and auditory overstimulation just to hear somebody tell me not to transfuse a stable, euvolemic patient with a hemoglobin of 7.5. I CAN do it, I am just prioritizing myself right now because that’s an option).

My husband asked if I had class today because I’ve been on the couch in my robe… and when I told him I was skipping, he told me “don’t make this a habit like in college.”

And now I’m realizing I skipped a lot of class in college because of my autism. I didn’t have the framework to understand back then why I was constantly skipping class, but I do now. I was constantly overstimulated so I was getting nothing out of class.

I tried to not skip classes at all for the first 4 months of med school, and in that time I’ve had two episodes of meltdown after sensory overstimulation. I know full well that I’ll have days like this in medicine. It’s unavoidable, and fun fact, non-autistic doctors burn out and have similar meltdowns too because of the unreasonable stress training places on us. I’m okay with that. I’m learning how to manage it well enough. But honestly? I think we should be addressing how unsafe training can be. “You won’t have the option to meltdown in the future” OR MAYBE, just maybe, we shouldn’t expect a singular person to be “on” all the time? That’s why call schedules are split and your all share work. Employees too stressed and turnover is high because of burnout? Hey maybe the issue is a focus on over-productivity to make money for admin?? Maybe if you just hired an extra person or two, everybody would do a lot better, not just the autistic or disabled people? Just a thought. And yeah, actually, I’m perfectly content with a reduced case load + reduced pay as an attending to accommodate my disability needs. If going part time keeps me safe, healthy, AND providing best care for my future patients, I’m gonna do it.

Anyway, yeah, I’m rebranding “skipping class today” as “reducing my stimuli to reduce likelihood of future burnout.” Because that’s what it is.

[katbrando]

SLAMMING THROUGH THE DOOR KAT MY LOVE I AM HERE TO FEED YOUR S/I DINOPANTS

👠🍂🌻🌵🌊🌌

(The last one is the horoscopes one but I don’t think it’s the right emoji)

Also answer them as a pairing or individually whatever you feel like 💖✨

oh my GOD melk HFDSKJGHDS you've opened the floodgates, i've typed so many words.. THANK YOU for feeding me 💜💜💜

👠 - What’s the height difference between you and your f/o like?

I love this about us !!! I'm just shy of 5ft, Diego is a few inches taller but that's fine because it's perfect for me to get on my tip-toes, lean into him, and kiss him.. HP towers over both of us. I love the thought of them being able to pick both of us up with minimal effort.. :')) pls scoop me up like a baby and hold me gently. Meanwhile Diego gets tossed around and slung over HP's shoulder like a bag of potatoes and he's a whiny little bitch about it (he secretly likes it)

🍂 - How does your f/o feel about change?

Diego: he's not a fan.. he relies on constants and wants to be in control of things. he adjusts to a certain kind of lifestyle or routine and really really hates when it gets tampered with. depending on the severity of the change, he'll throw a fit sometimes. i'm also not great with change so like.. we feed off each other's discomfort and the mutual meltdowns are Not Fun.

HP: they're pretty good at going with the flow in general, so change isn't that big of a deal, even if it's inconvenient. i think they follow a mostly "it is what it is" kind of mentality, and even when they are affected by it they put on a confident face. they're definitely the level-headed one in this little sandwich of ours, always having to reign us in and rationalize the situation.. bless their heart

🌻 - How does your f/o cheer you up?

Diego: unfortunately the guy is Not Good at being emotionally available most of the time, so opening his heart up and offering kind words isn't something he can comfortably do very often. when he can, that's great!! but usually he offers gifts, gives a little backrub, and makes horrible attempts at punny jokes, hoping it'll make me laugh. miraculously it does, but that's because literally everything makes me laugh, he's actually not as funny as he thinks he is :')

HP: lots of physical affection.. but nothing too crazy. holding my hand, brushing my hair, forehead kisses, just a bunch of wordless "it's okay"s and "i'm here"s. on rare occasions they'll use their words and tell me how well i'm doing despite Everything, but they aren't much of a talker so that's saved for the days where i'm especially upset.

🌵 - How long does it take for your f/o to warm up to new people?

it takes a while for both of them... Diego struggles big time with trust issues, and a lot of times that manifests in him turning his nose up and immediately assuming people are a waste of his time, he's just a brat like that, it's his defense mechanism. HP is a little more open, at least offering people a chance and some genuine curiosity, but they still always approach strangers with a strong sense of caution. both of them are very protective, and i am as well, so i'm sure we'd be very off-putting for anybody meeting us for the first time.. Yikes

🌊 - Can your f/o swim?

*insert really bad joke about diego as a baby in the river* clearly he CAN'T swim-

no, but, both of them can swim! unfortunately I'M the one who can't :') but the other two love it, especially HP! i like to sit by the water and watch both of them, maybe sometimes they'll convince me to get in the water with them, but they're gonna have to make sure i don't drown. ganging up on Diego and splashing him would be so worth it

🌌 - How much faith does your f/o have in horoscopes?

Diego? there's no way he's gonna believe in a silly little horoscope, he won't even bother reading them, Diego Brando creates his OWN destiny (he's probably too afraid to read them on the off-chance they'd be accurate and he'd have to admit to that, god forbid his ego take a hit) HP has more of a passive interest, they aren't invested in them. a lot of times we read them out loud just to piss off Diego because he really cannot stand them JGDKSHFDSKJ

[gazrgaley]

Manifestation of a Monster (chapter 33)

As Amy left with the priest, Justin sat down next to Rex. Maybe it was all in his head, but he had a distinct impression that Rex already knew. That he knew just by looking at Justin, knew what had taken place. He'd met several men who were just like him. Perhaps he was confident in his strength and felt he could defeat him in a one-on-one fight. However, that didn't make being alone with him any less unsettling.

He knew about what Rex had done to the other vampire. Amy had told him everything about meeting with him. But the other vampire, she claims, had a blatant hostility toward symbols of faith. Rex should have felt much more at peace knowing that he was at a place of worship. He could be lucky, Maybe Rex didn't know there were different kinds of vampires.

Even now, "I just don't understand." Rex started talking, staring ahead of him. We need to know, "Why would a vampire what to stay with a random human?" When Rex finally turned around to face Justin, he noticed he had been talking to him the whole time. "Why did you give in to him?"

With resentment, Justin thought about the question. He couldn't help but comply, after all. It had never been a choice. It wasn't as if Milo approached him, asking if he would be allowed to stay with him or if being turned into a monster was something he would be ok with. It was especially irritating that he hadn't even offered to chip in for the rent. All of this just happened to him. "I didn't exactly get a choice in any of this," Justin answered, only then fully understanding his circumstances.

Then, suddenly, a few things clicked into place in his mind. That was not what he had requested. He was disgusted by Milo and what he had done. In short, he wasn't a horrible person. He would have been slain if he had challenged Milo. However, the situation had changed. Because of Amy's support, he was able to confront him. Previously, Milo had not wanted him to share this information with Amy. As long as he had support from someone, anybody, he knew he could defend himself.

This provided him with some unexplained comfort. And he was on the verge of emotionally distancing himself from it for the first time. Taking a detached observer's stance on the situation. Suddenly, he started laughing more heartily than he had in months. Rex's face suddenly took on a worried look. "How I could have possibly justified having him remain with me is beyond me. Still, that's not even the worst part." He had trouble breathing for a second. Even though he had no idea why he thought the whole thing to be rather funny. "He took my bed...And I simply let him."

Rex said, "That doesn't seem humorous; that sounds fucking scary." He showed no apparent signs of happiness or emotion. Nonetheless, he regarded him pityingly. Seemingly comprehending his emotional meltdown. "We'll deal with it."

It, refering to Milo. He was suddenly able to control his outburst of laughter at the words. When Rex said ‘deal with’, he meant killing him. His stomach turned over. But he couldn't say why. If Rex were to murder Milo, the latter would no longer pose an issue. If contemplating this made him feel nauseous, why?

Rex, becoming more anxious, urged, "Tell me everything."

Justin had a fleeting thought that Rex might be able to exploit Milo's vulnerability against him if he revealed these details about Milo. But he'd already started pouring his guts without pausing to think about it. He told him about Milo's preferred midnight strolls. He was then informed of Milo's illness. Finally, telling him about Grendel.

He started referring to Grendel more than Milo and didn't even realize it. "It's one thing to murder someone, but you wouldn't believe what he did before that. That his disgust to a whole new level." Then he went on to describe in detail how he found him and what he saw him doing. Things he still couldn't talk about with Amy.

***

"Why am I here?" Amy sat down next to Ma'at, Though she didn't expressly request it, Amy was able to read her intentions. There was something off about her appearance. She both looked very young and old at the same time. If it weren't for the fact that she was alive and moving about, she could have thought she was looking at a Halloween store prop. However, Amy was unafraid. Instead, she felt a need to protect Ma'at.

"I can't do it without your help." Her voice was shaky when she spoke. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be buried for centuries?" She didn't have to meet Amy's gaze to show how much she was in pain; her eyes said it all. "It was strange to see how my tomb looked compared to the others. Sandstone was used in the construction of mine. Everyone else appeared to be made of metal. They were so terrified of me that they didn't even bother transferring me to a more modern coffin."

For a brief moment, her eyes became dark. "But I'll show them anyway. Everyone who was a part of my pain and suffering. He will pay the most, especially him. He will not be able to relax. And he'll soon realise it's all because of me. Only then will I provide him with relief. Only if he begs for death."

Amy was hesitant to ask. "Who?"

"Of course, my husband." As she tried to smile, the intense look of rage and madness left her.

Amy looked at her with dread. "Your husband?" It can't be that horrible, can it? Isn't there a part of you that still has feelings for him?"

Ma'at fixed her gaze on her. "I despise my husband." She snarled. "I was completely alone. I was trapped in my own head. It was all his fault. They wanted to kill me, but he refused. He wouldn't let them."

"That does sound like-" Amy was about to explain that he was trying to protect her, but Ma'at's eyes conveyed a different story. And it was then that she realized. No, death would have come quickly. It would have been easy. But what he actually did was considerably worse. What he did cause her unnecessary pain for who knows how long. Any reservations she had about assisting this girl had vanished. "I understand."

"I've already begun to make him pay." Her face was bright with a smile. "I wish I could see how much suffering he's in right now. Can you tell me next time we see one another?"

"How am I going to know who he is?" Amy inquired, and she knew without Ma'at saying anything. "I already meet him?"

Ma'at gave a nod. "He is not what he appears to be. Deep down, he's a monster. I will not request that you kill or damage him in any manner. But I'm curious how much agony he's in. I want to know that my efforts have not been in vain."

Amy remembered Milo. A part of her had pity for him. He was in excruciating discomfort. But, if Ma'at was correct. It was nothing compared to what she had gone through.

[xxbleedingoutxx]

idk why my ex complains about school so much i mean he was pretty good at cheating before...

[melo-yello]

📚School Struggles📚 w/ 💥🪨KiriBaku💥🪨 HeadCanons

Pairings: KiriBaku X Black!Reader

Summary: College AU! Reader falls behind in course work, and won’t tell anybody. But Kirishima and Bakugou find out.

A/n: I’m an adult who went most of my life with undiagnosed learning disabilities so this would just be comforting to me. Lil angst! Lots of fluff. Implied ADHD and Dyslexia.

📕🖊 First tests are handed back in four of your eight classes.You’ve failed all but one which you barely passed. You are asked stay back as yet another professor suggests you find a tutor

📕🖊You’re lowkey offended. You’ve never needed a tutor before. Up until recently your performance in other areas compensated for your less than stellar academics. You were in gifted courses all your life. You would just hafta try harder

📕🖊 Kiri and Baku are saving a spot in line for you by the time you meet them at the cafe when you shove the thoughts of failure out of your brain and perk up to your usual self

📕🖊 Kiri’s face lights up as soon as he spots you. “Over here, Babe!” He beams flagging you down. Like it was hard to make out the giant red head in a crowd. Especially with the large lean, continuously pissed blonde scowling at everyone right by his side.

📕🖊 “Hey,Dumbass.” Baku smiles slightly and pulls a hand from his pocket to offer you a hug and a kiss on the temple

📕🖊 Kiri pulls you by your waist into his torso kissing your forehead “What took you so long?” He asks letting you free from the vice grip he had on your curvy hips

📕🖊 “I got a lil turned around again.” You lie pulling Bakugou’s free hand into yours then lean into his shoulder. There’s something very comforting about how warm he is all the time. You wanted to snuggle into his back but PDA really isn’t his thing and you are already pushing it

📕🖊 “It’s a big campus, Teddy, you just have to get used to it. You just transferred. Me and Eiji can take turns walking you from class to class until you get the hang of it, you know?” Baku says trying to read your eyes. He could just feel something is off. Your box braids and the angle itself saves you from any further scrutiny.

📕🖊“You guys, gotta be pretty sprung to do that for me, ya know.” You quip smirking up at him then over to Kiri. “Fuck you too, Teddy Bear.” Baku huffs smirking *maybe he was wrong, unlikely* “Yea basically, Pebs. Liking who you date is super manly.” Kirishima laughs grabbing his tray.

📕🖊 You three finally sit in a small wrap around booth. Bakugou taking the middle spot today. You do your best to not zone out and hyper fixate on your test scores by making sure to laugh at Kiri’s jokes and nod along with Baku’s venting

📕🖊 You slide your fork in and out of your picked over food as you strategize how to fix your current problem without alerting your boyfriends. Before you knew it your table is quiet with two crimson gazes fixed on you

📕🖊 “You’re quiet today, L/n.” Bakugou says fixing you with a deeply fierce gaze which was his way of looking concerned. Sharpness of your actual name drew you from your thoughts in a instant. “Hmmm I think Kats has a point, L/n Y/n.” Kirishima says in between slurps of his smoothie. His red eyes practically dripping with curious concern

📕🖊 You make a quick split decision between the truth and charm. “Wow, my government. I must be in real big trouble.” You pout trying to flirt your way out of a more serious conversation. You poke out your plush bottom at Kiri while slipping a hand onto Baku’s inner thigh and gently squeezing before hitting him with the same seductive pout

📕🖊 Big Mistake!😳 Bakugou’s vermillion eyes widen before becoming instantly stern as he grips your wrist tight enough to hurt. “The fuck are you doing?!! I was being serious, Y/n! And in public?!! You’re fucking priceless!” The ash blonde hisses with angry pink cheeks. Guilt washes over you when you snatch your wrist back. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to...talk about it.” You mumble. “Then use your fucking words!” 😤 Bakugou kisses his teeth and stands so Kiri lets him out. “He’s just a little embarrassed, Pebble. I needa talk him down. You can find your next class right?” He sighs watching Baku storm out

📕🖊 “Yea. I’m sorry. Tell him, Kiri. Please.” You squeak sheepishly grabbing your stuff. “He knows but I will. He’s mad about other stuff.” He nods following after Bakugou

📕🖊 It’s intimidating to compete with their history at times. You couldn’t bring yourself to just dump all your issues on them

📕🖊 You’ve only been dating since summer and Kiri and Baku have been dating since their senior year in high school year. You guys are starting your junior year and are still learning each other.

📕🖊 You get lost a couple times before finding the right building. The noise in your head going nearly at light speed to wrap all the problems you’re having. The professor passes the test you’d spent majority of last night and early morning studying for. You felt confident until it was in your hands.

📕🖊 You chew the pen top trying to finish up the last 7 short answer questions when then alarm for 5 minutes left is given. You panic not even having started the true false section on the last page. You scribble down answers just as time up is announced across the classroom

📕🖊 Defeat washes over while you shuffle out the door. You reach in your pocket to dig out the card for Student Accomidation Services your World Civ professor gave you. Maybe this was something simple as a “processing problem” as she had explained when you visited her during office hours

📕🖊 A throat clearing pulls you from your thoughts. You jump stuffing both hands into your jeans card and all. Bakugou stood unreadable propped up on a wall only a few steps away from you. “Eiji, thinks we need to talk about the cafe. Plus he doesn’t get out of lab til 3:45, so you’re kinda stuck with me.” Bakugou mumbles offering his palm as an olive branch.

📕🖊 “He’s probably right. I don’t mind just you, Tuff Guy. I really am sorry though, Katsuki.” You sigh interlocking your fingers with his. “I know, Teddy. I wasn’t really mad about that anyways.” Baku concedes as you two stroll down the hall. “I didn’t hurt your wrist earlier, did I?” Baku asks softly opening the door and meeting your eyes with gentle concern. “Nah, You didn’t, King Explosion Murder.” You laugh giving his hand a firm squeeze before kissing it

📕🖊 The walk to your dorm is quiet and peaceful. He lets you settle your school bag before speaking again “I just feel like you’re still trying to hide parts of yourself from us, especially me,” He says looking into your eyes now, “Like you’ve been pulling back. Eijirou thinks I’m looking too deep, but I doubt it. I know I can be a little rough and mean sometimes...well a lot of the times. I’m not easy to get along with. But you know you can talk to us when you’re upset or if something bothering you... if I’m bothering you. I don’t like you feeling like you have to pretend to be ok if you’re not.” Baku finishes crossing his arms tightly across your chest.

📕🖊 You dig your nails into your palms mercilessly. You open your mouth to reply and reassure him but the words won’t come. Baku notices what you’re doing to your hands and steps closer to take them into his. He rubs slow circles into the backs of them. Hot tears pool at the corners of your eyes as you try to find your voice. “Kats, I’m...I didn’t me...I...Of course you’re not what’s bothering me.” you croak out just as tears roll down your face and Baku pulls you to his chest.

📕🖊 Your breathing hitches and you just let yourself be disappointed, confused, frustrated, and upset about the last month and a half of struggling and wondering why you couldn’t tell anybody and why no one was even noticing. But He did. Baku had noticed. He rocks gently as you tremble in his arms rubbing firm circles in your lower back.

📕🖊 You two stay like that for what seems forever. Once your breathing evens out Baku’s hold relaxes. He kisses both your temples.You reluctantly let go , so you can pull wrinkled failing test pages from your backpack. “Please don’t laugh at me, Suki.” You peep placing the cause of your meltdown in his hands not attempting to have your puffy eyes met his red ones. Lifting your chin so you’re looking him in the eyes. “Come on, Teddy Bear. I wouldn’t dare.” He nods with the most serious face

📕🖊 Bakugou is quiet for a while as he leafs through the exam papers. “Why didn’t finish any of them?” He asks “Time. I’m a slow reader.” You mutter back. “I’ve seen you doing homework for two of these courses and passing those, what’s happening?” Baku says staring in disbelief at the scores at the top of each exam.

📕🖊 You swallow the lingering fear of judgement. You place a hand at your temple to remind yourself of Baku’s earlier tenderness. “I get anxious. It gets so much harder to read when I’m that worked up, and I can barely focus once I start forgetting answers...I know it’s just a test. I guess...That sounds dumb, doesn’t it?” You sigh shrug off your own explanation.

📕🖊 “Nope. Not dumb at all. Sounds like test anxiety to me. I struggled with that in high school . I didn’t know you were a slow reader, Teddy.” Baku says pulling your hand before you can dig your nails into it. “Yea. One of my professors thinks I have dyslexia and ADHD...but I’m not stupid sooo.” You hum rocking on your heels “That is not what either of those words mean, and I know you know that, L/n.” Bakugou growls he absolutely hates when you or Kirishima talk down on yourselves. “Yea but it feels like it though.” You sigh biting your lips

📕🖊 Before Baku can say a word, Kiri swings the door open. “Babes! Have you two hotties missed me?” The red head shouts coming through the door way smiling until he sees your puffy eyes and tense posture. “Bakugou Katsuki, I know you fucking didn’t?!!” Kiri questions suspiciously leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder and wrapping a protective hold around your waist.

📕🖊 “The Absolute fuc-” Baku’s defensive rant is cut short as you kiss the hand holding yours to quiet him as you answer Kiri “No Eiji, he didn’t. I’m flunking like half my classes.” You huff meeting his eyes with quivering lips trying your best not to cry all over again

📕🖊 Kiri is stunted into complete silence. The only thing he can think to say is an apology to his boyfriend for jumping to conclusions. Last time he checked your GPA’s a lot more impressive that his. “How the fuck is that even possible? You transferred into the honor courses.” Kiri says completely baffled moving to where he could see your face.

📕🖊 You explain to your boyfriends all the things that have been tripping you up and confusing you. You detail how hard studying has been as far as staying focused and actually understanding lengthy test questions

📕🖊 Kiri has a million questions at first but stops half way through after Baku grabs your overnight bag and leads you out the door. “You’re gonna freak her out all over again, Shitty Hair, if you keep going at her like that.” He could tell you were getting overwhelmed, and might cry again “My bad, Pebs.” Kiri says kissing your cheek as he follows behind

📕🖊 Once you get back to their apartment and Baku askes for your help making dinner. He has you read the directions and ingredients to him. You stumble through most of it, but that doesn’t stop him from praising you as soon as you finish. He has since learned you and Kiri do best when told how well you’re doing vs his typical shouting method

📕🖊 The three of you set an assessment time with the Student Disability Services on campus that doesn’t conflict with the Boys’ schedules, because they insisted that they’d both be there to support their baby and wouldn’t take your bullshit excuses for an actual reason to miss it

📕🖊 Kiri helps you make flash cards for your next test. If he remembers nothing else from Baku’s tutoring sessions the importance of repetition is drilled into him...among other things. Each time you ask him how that went he’ll just shudder. “It was the most intensely terrifying experience of my high school career, and we fought villains pretty regularly.” Kiri deadpans before grinning like the Cheshire Cat and covering his head. “You’re full of fucking shit, Shark Week! I’m the best tutor you assholes could hope for.” Baku yells pushing Kiri’s face into his pages of notes.

📕🖊 The night before your disability assessment you find yourself tossing and turning at like 4:45 in the morning. Kiri repositions pinning you in place so you face Baku’s back. You trace soft shapes into him just before he flips meeting your eyes. “Lil early isn’t it, Babygirl?” He whispers brushing away a few stray box braids covering your face. You don’t bother answering and instead offer him your palm and he takes it without hesitation interlocking your fingers with his. “Nervous?” He hums when he feels the steady trembling of your hand.

📕🖊 “Katsuki, what if there’s nothing wrong with me? What if it’s just me? What if I’m just...” you trail off not sure if you want him to hear how much this subject shakes your confidence. Bakugou moves close enough for your foreheads to touch. “If you’re just not smart? Not even possible. Whatever it is me and Kiri will help you go beyond. I know this is scary, but every first usually is.” Bakugou smiles softly

📕🖊 “Bbbbbuuut maybe I’m just du-” You attempt to argue until a sharp nip on the side of your neck where Kiri was peacefully nuzzled quiets you. “Nope. Not a chance. Pebble, don’t talk shit about my girlfriend again.” He mumbles in a gravelly half sleep voice. He settles again and snakes an arm around hips as he tugs Baku into you with the other. You open mouth your more to defend yourself but KatSuki just bops your nose as he closes his eyes, “You heard, the sexy ass red mountain. You’re fucking smart. Go back to sleep, Kay?”

📕🖊 “Kay.” You sigh digging your face into the crook of Baku’s neck. You lay there out argued but feeling overwhelming loved, so you chose to let them win the debate. The boys hardly agree on most things so they were totally probably right about this one anyways.

📕🖊 You are on a very very short list of people who Bakugou Katsuki repeats himself for. Like boy lets you “huh?” the fuck out of him. He will often cup your face or hold your hands if he needs tell you something important b/c he understands you’re a tactical learner

📕🖊 Best believe that all your future successes in classes big and small will be celebrated you getting taken out for icecream and if it’s a graded paper they’ll put on the fridge like you’re in grade school. You find it a little embarrassing but it really makes you feel like you’re making progress

📕🖊 Kiri brings your favorite snacks for study sessions so he can reward you for right answers and staying on task. You call it “childish” at first until he shrugs “Oh my bad we can try something els-” about to put them away. “Noooooo no those are my favorites.” You nearly jump over the table. Kiri has a shit eating grin the rest of the study session

📕🖊 When giving directions from the passenger seat both Kiri and Baku typically do a good job of remembering you need them to point left and right

📕🖊 If you’ve had long day in tutoring and homework and you guys are watching anime Bakugou will read the subs to you. Sometimes if he’s in a particularly good mood he might even imitate a voice or two

📕🖊 Kiri would politely let you ramble about one of your niche interests and will help you get back to your point when you get lost in a tangent

📕🖊 Don’t let these two hear you call yourself “dumb” or “stupid” Kiri will just act like he can’t comprehend what you’re saying like deadass “Pebs, speak English please. Nope not catching that, Babygirl. Did you say you were a smarticle particle? An intelligent ass motherfucker?! Oh, of course you are!” While Baku is more like “Sorry what was that? I thought I heard a very accomplished and creative thinking ass bitch say something? A incredibly capable ass bitch say something?A smart ass bitch say something?” Your only response is yes and then you get a forehead kiss

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

I’m going through a rough time atm and I was wondering if you’re okay if I request some characters with a s/o who is just tired a lot, can’t concentrate and don’t really have energy to do stuff.

I wish I knew what characters were your comfort characters, so I could make this even better for you! I hope you feel better and the little quick drabbles help you a bit. I went with my 3 most requested, as they tend to be more often than not comfort characters. I hope that’s alright with you! Feel free to drop another request for a character that I didn’t include here.

For hard times |Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi x Reader|

Warnings: implied depression, symptoms of depression.

Genre: comfort-

Total words- 1504

Dazai:

417 words

From the start of this, he had suspicions you were feeling a little down. Watching you sit alone and look less cheery with the passing hours, days, maybe it had been a few weeks. He wanted to make you feel better, but he didn’t know how to. He was after all in your position most of the time. Unmotivated and too tired to do anything, let alone want to move about. He wanted to know what was pushing your mood down. This need grew stronger the longer he watched your tired expression. There was nothing this man wanted more than to make you feel better. Even if he didn’t understand what it was, that was pulling you under.

With careful steps, he walked over to you with a soft blanket, woven with soft strands of silky yarn. He set it over your shoulders, wrapping it around you. Watching your half-lidded eyes look over to him from the unexpected gesture he simply shook his head. Pressing his hand to your cheek, he softly smiled. The slight lift to his lips was only ever revealed to you. This kind, gentle, serious expression was his vulnerability. He hoped you would open up your woes to him. Let you rant and pour whatever feelings were bottling up and slowly dragging you down. He didn’t care what it was, a co-worker, a friend, a relationship of some kind, an ex, your family life, he just needed to help you. So as he watched you with honest worry, he pulled you close, so your head rested on his chest. “When you're ready, I’ll be here for you to drop your pain.” His voice was softer, lacking his signature playful teasing. There was nothing but an oddly comforting smoothness to his voice. Low and slightly choked as he held you. He was unsure if this little reassurance; this little contact comforted you. 

He’d hold you until you could no longer cry, or until you were peacefully asleep. Even then, he’d keep your body close to his. If he were to fall asleep, he would not let you go. He would never let you go, not until you felt safe and slightly better. Even if it was only half a percent of a change, he would be happy to have helped your mood lift. He’s never going to push you to tell him what’s bothering you. He won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to. Well, except eat, he can’t have you starving. 

Chuuya:

474 words

He’d be too caught up with work to notice it immediately, the changes in your mood and behavior. That doesn't mean he never does though. Out of everybody in the mafia, you were the most important to him. He was willing to take any risk to keep you safe. If he finds out because you don’t show up and refuse to drag yourself from bed, he shakes his head, refuse wouldn’t be the right word here. It’s more like he understands you can’t. Something is crushing you like a weight, and he becomes determined to fix that issue. He hardly ever talks softly, but around your tired, nearly life-less form he’s soft. His steps aren't loud stomps, but instead a soft pattern of clicks. The heels of his shoes provide you a perfect rhythm. He’ll buy you chocolate because of the serotonin that they’re proven to induce. He never asks for details, he knows you would tell him if you needed to. However, just in case you are staying silent about the weight that’s causing this pain, due to the fear he’ll think you are weak. He hints that he would never see you in such a dull fashion. “Hey, you know you can always tell me if something is wrong, right? You know I keep my word, I won't judge or tell anybody else.” There was more he wanted to say. Part of that was an expression of how much he cared about you. He stayed silent in fear he would be selfish in doing so. If those words are the trigger for you to slip from holding it all in, he wraps you in his arms and lets you do what you need to. 

He doesn't care if you shout, pound your fists against his chest, cry, or do a mix of all of that. He wants you to get it all out until that weight can start to loosen, and you can start to feel free from the troubles holding down your smile. He’ll hold you after your meltdown. He will not let anybody else see you. They will not get a chance to lay a finger on you. If a specific person was the cause, like an ex, a bully, a sibling, he’ll wait till you're peacefully asleep, then have a… talk with them. He warns them that if you’re ever hurt again, they won’t get off with simply being terrified for their life. He’s insanely protective of the people close to him. You get the front of that protective nature, you’re the one he cares for the most. Whether you return such feelings or not, it won’t change anything. He hates seeing your tears, so he’ll always be there for you to cling to in such times. You are never alone, he will always be there to support you.

Atsushi:

613 words

When he first noticed you were down, he was working; doing the work Dazai had shoved at him. He liked to think you were a hard worker, so seeing you so… tired was a slight abnormality to him. He noticed how you were struggling to stay concentrated. Every so often he’d look over and find you blankly staring off, eyes glossed over. When everybody else was gone, he walked to your desk whilst fidgeting with the hem of his gloves. Taking deep breaths, he was upfront about what he’d noticed. “Are you feeling alright?” "I-I could uh take you somewhere if you want.” If you tell him you're fine, he’ll hang his head before gathering the courage to confront the lie. Even your tone was different; it sounded almost as if you had given up on everything. He knew that low, depressed tone. He used to have such a pitch to his own voice before he found his place here. He remembered how much pain he had gone through. The mental baggage of the past, the fear of what he found out was his own ability. He didn’t want that to be the pain rising in your mind. He’d pull over a chair and swipe away the pile of unfinished requests. “You’re not though. I-I don’t want to intrude, but maybe… maybe you should take some time? You seem tired, I could get you some sweets and other things if you want.” He would mutter the words under his breath until you shrugged.

When he returned, he found you on the agency sofa doing nothing but holding yourself; too exhausted to attempt to do anything. You couldn’t, not with how you felt. The thoughts racing in your head were too much to hold on to on your own. You wondered how people got this far with such a mindset. So trapped in your thoughts, you never noticed Atsushi take a seat at the other end. Sliding down bags of candy and flavored sweet drinks. He knew sugar induced serotonin, but wasn’t sure if that worked with everybody. The next thing he decided to do was look to the side and speak to you again. “If you’re going through something, I'm… we’re all here for you. The entire agency, you know, we're kind of like our own family? If you're hurting or holding something all on your own, you can tell us.” Turning back to you, he inched closer and reached for your hand. With a slow movement, he rubbed the back of your hand. “I… really am here. I’ve felt like this before… I know how hard it can be to tell others what’s bothering you, but please… can you promise me you’ll fight?” When he noticed your confused face, he decided to say it. “You’re important to every single one of us. So please, if it gets too much and you want to take it to an extreme, please… please come to one of us.” His eyes sparkled with a plea. He wouldn’t know what to do if you did something to yourself out of this pain. 

If those words cause you to rush in for a hug, he’ll return the embrace. Running his hand over your back in an attempt to comfort you. He’s not the best at comfort, but he does whatever he can to help. Whether you want to hear more reassurance or just have somebody to cling to while you're unmotivated. 

These things will eventually get better, with the right people, the right comfort, the right hobbies. These moments pass and light will shine. He hopes you’ll be able to see the light peek from the clouds soon.

[felikatze]

give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man

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okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.

buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.

1. A as the Player Character

Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.

Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.

I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.

I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.

Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.

The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.

The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.

Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."

2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind

So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?

Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.

Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.

This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.

So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:

First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."

Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."

Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.

But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?

And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?

3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage

No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.

Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.

While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.

After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.

In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.

Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!

This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.

This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.

In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?

Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.

4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance

A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.

This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.

Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.

Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.

But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.

Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!

Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.

By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.

The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.

As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.

5. The Sephirah as ghosts

Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.

As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.

And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.

This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.

The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.

So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.

But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.

(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)

6. A's end.

A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.

A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)

So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.

This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.

However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.

Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.

At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.

This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.

Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.