#anyone whose problem is jason not appearing…… no imagination

[iknownancy]

i think one thing that really bothered me about will‘s narrative in tsats is that he feels like a new character and not one that apparently been‘s around way before tlo. the narrative feels disrupted, there are no mentions of his life before nico, or anything that isn‘t directly tied to nico. tsats feels more like nico‘s story and less like will‘s because there is also nothing that ties will to tartarus, no goal, nothing. this is where apollo should have appeared and given will a prophecy on his own, and it shouldn‘t have been hades. that would have given will a clearer arc, instead of just coming in terms with nico‘s darkness.

[rcksmith]

Spring breeze — Spencer Reid

Sumarry: Spencer never thought about falling in love with someone, but he certainly didn't expect that he would fall in love with Gideon's daughter. — season 3 —

Part.2 Part.3 Part.4

A/N: I am marathoning Criminal Minds again and I can not express how much I loved the interaction of Gideon and Spencer!! So this idea came as an epiphany, and I love the conception of love at first sight. Maybe this becomes a serie...

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple:Spencer Reid/Gideon's daughter!reader.

Warnings: nothing, just very fluff.

— — — — —

Something was different. Maybe it was the way the sun's rays cascaded down in an atypical way, maybe it was the breeze that carried a more lyrical intonation on its back, or maybe it was just the Earth that was adorned by an ethereal veil. Spencer didn't know how to point out what was really different, but he felt in his soul that something in the hemisphere had changed.

At first, when he took the subway to work, Spencer thought it was just an ephemeral sensation, just like those seconds when you feel the breath of the breeze more cold. But it didn't. The sensation accompanied him to work, to the plane, to the case, it stuck to him like a tattoo and Reid found himself looking around for answers that did not exist physically.

He considered all the theories that were possible to explain that destabilization in his subtly balanced world. But he found none.

“Are you feeling anything different today?” That's what he asked Morgan.

Derek shrugged, finishing packing up at the police station so they could go back to Quantico.

“No.” Then he looked Reid whit his obsidian eyes “Is something bothering you? Is the Genie feeling any peturbation in the Force? ”

Spencer chuckled through his nose at the Star Wars joke, but just shook his head in a 'No'. And the conversation died there. How could he explain something that even he didn't understand?

Trying to ignore the way his heart was beating fast, for no reason, in anticipation of something Spencer himself was unaware of, he wondered how long he was going to have that sensation. The feeling of euphoria, the taste of something, there was something exciting in the air, almost angelic.

But how long was that going to accompany him? One day? One week? Whole life? For the first time, Spencer didn't have the answer. And that was disconcerting.

When BAU's glass doors opened for agents to settle on their desks and Hotch and Gideon go to their respective offeces, a wave of icy breeze from the DC air reverberated through the enclosure. Spencer can see that Morgan shrugged in the wind, Emily looke for a coat in the black suitcase, but his own body didn't seem to be hit by the same breeze. For Reid, it had been a caustic, lyrical, almost spring, wave that carried the promise of something extraordinary on back. Almost divine.

In that split second, in a time as short as a blink, the feeling that his life would never be the same made him losing his breath. Spencer does not know what attracted his gaze to the BAU door, nor what made his whole body turn in that direction, like a magnet, like a wanderer in the desert who finds his Oasis. But he had been attracted, and as soon as a female hand pushed through the glass door and her figure came into view, Spencer understood the extraordinary thing that him heart was beating for in anticipation.

You.

It was as if the universe had been preparing him all day for that moment. As if the body itself tried to prepare it. Because if Spencer hadn't fell those feelings of euphoria all day, he would have drowned in his own reactions to seeing you.

In a burst, like a violin string popping, Reid understood what was different about the hemisphere, because why the air was ethereal, because why the night felt like poetry, and why the moon whispered swears of love. In that moment, Spencer understood the mysteries of the world, unraveled the riddles of life, drank from the wisdom of The Oracle of ancient Greece. In an instant, watching you enter, Spencer understood the reason for his life.

In an instant.

The world shuddered in slow motion, capturing all your movements, all your graceful gait, all your glory. An elegant black dress with thin straps modeled your body in an arcane, almost divine way, your legs were supported on black high heels, making your walk seem like a glide of honey.

You were not beautiful. You are gorgeous. You shone. Sparkled.

And, like an atrocious wave that broke over Reid and pulled him into the sea, that whole feeling that stuck with him all day came to accompany the female figure. Following in your footsteps like the tail of a long dress.

Spencer was sure that his life would never be the same.

They hadn't even sat at their tables when you showed up. Like the muse that came out of an action movie. And when you got close enough to attract the attention of Emily and Morgan, whose Derek opened his mouth when he noticed the female figure that was the personification of Female Fatal, Spencer felt himself letting out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. He knew that anyone with eyes and a little common sense would notice how overwhelmingly beautiful you were, so when Morgan turned his body fully towards you, Reid was not surprised.

“Hi." Your voice, to Reid, had a floral intonation “Do you guys know where I can find Jason?”

When his eyes met yours, Spencer felt his breath being stolen from him once again. Usually, girls like you didn't look twice at guys like him, Spencer knew that. Girls like you liked men like Morgan. Athletes, strong, Alpha Male. And because of that, it was an explosion in Reid's system when you took a few seconds longer in that eye contact and a delightful smile appeared on yours lips. As if you appreciate what you were seeing.

That was a shock. Was it true or was he misinterpreting the signs? Was him mind playing tricks on him, like the flickering shadows of furniture under the darkness and the flame of a candle? Spencer would not be able to say a word without stuttering at that moment even that him life depended on it. In fact, he was already starting to feel cheeks heating up. So he thanked any deities that might exist when Morgan and Emily responded to you and broke the eye contact between the two of you.

“Jason Gideon?” Morgan frowned slightly.

“He's in the office but...” But Emily couldn't finish the sentence before Gideon's voice came out over everyone's:

“Y/n?” It was in a tone that no one there had ever heard in Gideon. A sweet, loving intonation... paternal.

None of the three agents present there had time to express their thoughts in facial expressions before you said:

“Dad!”

Then the whole world took a turn and seemed to be terrified, making them feel as if they had been thrown out of the tenth-floor window. This time, Reid's eyes widened at the two friends, who also had puzzled expressions. Everyone knew that Gideon had a past, probably with divorces and children, a life he had left behind, but no one expected...that.

Perhaps Gideon's vision of a family was something that was only in the imagination, never something tangible. Until that moment. Until the most beautiful girl Reid had ever seen was the daughter of one of the men he respected most. Until him heart soared at alarming levels for him boss's daughter. Spencer had been in trouble before when it came to matters of the heart, but the trouble gained a position in the top 3.

“What are you doing here?” A rare smile appeared on Gideon's face, his brow slightly furrowed.

“We were going to dinner today, remember? In that new Japanese restaurant.” Your tone of voice was not resentful or hurt by the situation that was explicit there.

The life of a BAU agent take many things, some with a more atrocious force than others, and one of them was the availability of hours. commitments that count on presence.

“I totally forgot, I'm sorry.” Gideon's voice was always calm and controlled, he managed to speak from the most tender emotions to the most heinous crimes with a peaceful intonation. But to perceive traces of parental love was new. “The case was very complicated, my cell phone died and...”

“It's okay, Dad.” You smiled, making a casual gesture with your hand “I thought this happened, but I thinking it best to come here to see if everything was okay instead of waiting until tomorrow.”

Your smile, despite being the simple one, was the brightest for Spencer.

Gideon still had a fatherly look and a chaste and grateful smile when he turned to the other agents who were still puzzled.

“Y/n, these are agents Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss and Dr. Spencer Reid.” Jason introduced them to you “Guys, this is my daughter, Y/n.”

“Is a pleasure.” You smiled genuinely at them.

“I had no idea that you had a daughter!” Emily gave a low, slightly bewildered laugh that also made you laugh.

“Everybody says that.” You looked at your father again, having fun.

“I'm just going to go over some reports with Hotcher before I leave.” Gideon kept a chaste smile. “Why don't you wait here and then let's go get something to eat?”

“Of course, no problem, Dad.” You agreed, adjusting the thin shoulder bag that was on your shoulder.

As Jason went up to Hotcher's office, you turned to the agents again, with a gentle smile on your face.

“My dad said great things about you.” Emily smiled at your statement.

"I'm still chocked ." She laughed, and Morgan added:

“ I really need to know...” he looked around, in a playful suspense “Is Gideon really that serious outside the FBI?”

You laughed “Oh no! Definitely not.”

So you reached for your phone in the litlle bag, hunting for a photo on it and showing it to the three agents. It was a recent photograph where you and Gideon had their faces painted in easy ink. You had a skeleton mouth made with white and black paint, and Jason had a pink glitter butterfly covering his left cheek. You two were laughing in the photo.

Morgan was the one who let out a loud, dripping laugh, with a few tears accumulating in the corners of his eyes.

“How is this possible?” Morgan was trying to catch the air.

“It was at the last Halloween, he and I bet that whoever lost in the snooker that day would have to paint a butterfly on their face.” You laughed.

“And did he lose?” Spencer found a voice for it, his mind failing to process the image of Gideon losing any game.

“I have my suspicions that he let me win” You joked “But I enjoyed the victory just the same.”

The conversation was light after that, Spencer refrained from much of the dialogue, a little fearful that you could hear him heart beating loudly whenever you smile in his direction. As the minutes passed, Derek and Emily had to go back to their duties and finish their reports, while you were sitting in one of the chairs at an empty table.

It was one of those moments when Reid tried to focus on the files in front of him to exorcise what was going on around him. Paperwork had always brought the lull needed to make Spencer meditate. It was almost like relaxation. But in moments like this, when something in the environment around him pulled his attention so much, he stayed on the same page for long minutes.

That must be why he didn't hear the wheels on your chair approach, and he didn't even notice that you were so close until you said:

“Are you really a doctor?” Your voice was low, soft, as if you didn't want to disturb the other agents who were working.

Spencer turned his head towards you, only to find the modern personification of what would be the Athena de Troia. You were close, not close enough to touch, but close enough that he could smell your perfume. You smelled like the night, the excitement of nights and the brightness of the stars. And if Spencer looked deeper into yours eyes, he would sure they contained shine moonlight.

He swallowed, the mania for blinking compulsively returning a little.

“A-ahm yes. Not really a doctor, but m-my 3 Phd’s make me a doctor.”

He might be mistaken, but the smile that spread across your face was not just friendly, it wasn't curious, it was… delighted. As if the roles were reversed and he was the most fascinating thing in that room, not you.

The glow that was adorned in yours eyes had something lyrical, ethereal, wonderful. As if the brightness of all the galaxies were inhabiting your irises, moving in your orbit. At that moment, Spencer was deeply grateful to have eidetic memory, because 10 years from now he could still remember how you looked like a muse over there. DC night came in through the big glass windows, and if Reid had to describe that moment with the five senses, he would say that the world had turned the light down to a rose tone, the smell was heaven and your smile promised to contain wonders of the world.

Holy Mother of God, you are so, so beautiful!

“My dad said there was a genius on the team.” You said, your attention on him is always tender, adoreble. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

Your perfume invaded him sense of smell once again, and he felt his heart beat faster once more. Spencer would have told you all the secrets in the world if you asked. He would have told all own secrets.

“No way.” He sat back in his chair to look at you better, oblivious to the exchange of looks that Emily and Morgan gave.

You rested your arms on Spencer's table, the chair next to his.

“You never thought of being like... the wizard Doctor Strange?” You hoped that Spencer knew Marvel “Before he was a magician, of course. But why didn't you want to be a surgeon or something?” You laughed “There is a phrase him says: I have a photographic memory and this is what made me ..."

“ ‘Get my diploma and doctorate at the same time’ " Spencer completed you, laughing softly “I know the HQs. Did you know that the Doctor Strange character was created during the Silver Age of American comics to bring a different type of character and mystical themes to Marvel Comics? It him has an intellectual coefficient close to 177 points and I have… ”

The more he rambled, the more a stunning smile spread across your face. As if you were enchanted with him. And you were. Everyone was noticing the way Spencer seemed to have you curled up on his finger, your eyes sparkling and a silly smile twinkling on your face, paying attention to every word he said. It was an overwhelmingly lovely sight to behold.

But just as everything had a time, an hourglass, your time had reached the last grain of sand.

“All right, Y/n.” Gideon went down the stairs, cutting the end of Reid's sentence “Ready?”

You stood up, agreeing with your father and smoothing the dress. When you put your hands on the chair, ready to take it back to place, you turned to Spencer once again:

“I'm going to bring my dad to BAU tomorrow, do you think me and you can meting and you give me the answer to the question tomorrow?” Your smile was able to light up the whole of Washington.

“S-sure!” Spencer's voice went up more high notes than he would like to admit.

And, even when you left, even when Morgan and Emily jokes him about it, and even when he finally lay down on his own bed, you were still the only thing that occupied Spencer's mind.

[vampiric-daydreams]

Unrequited

Jasper x Reader

Summary: You had been happy to quietly like Jasper from a distance. But when he and the Cullens start acting stranger than usual, you begin wondering if there’s more to it.

Word Count: 2,372

Tags: @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @eggmettcullen @scuzmunkie

A/N: Felt cheeky and wrote something after a year and a half of hiatus that nobody asked for. Sorry not sorry. Might do a part 2?

*

It had crept up on you. It wasn’t something you wanted.

“I’ll go fir-” you started, as your right hand brushed against your English partner’s. The pen between you rolled off the top of the desk as you jolted from his icy touch. Jasper Hale’s cautious eyes met yours. You suddenly grew conscious of every part of your body and how it might appear to him. Your mouth dried up.

From that touch, those feelings manifested in your fingers; a lingering chill that had lasted for hours. From then, your throat tightened whenever you spoke to him. You stuttered between words, and the mere thought of meeting his honeycomb gaze made you feel sick. Reminiscing that first graze of physical contact and back to your first meeting with him, you accepted that those feelings had always lived within you; dormant and waiting. When hadn’t you liked Jasper?

What drew you to him wasn’t something you could pinpoint, at least nothing that wasn’t shallow. You hardly knew him and you only spoke to each other in English class when you had to. Even then, it was a routine ‘hey, how are you today’ and little more unless you were paired together for a learning task.

“… the dance.” That was all your friends had been talking about and it was still months away.

“I’m asking him to the dance,” Jason was hyping himself up, “I’m just going to do it.”

You had every intention of giving him a slap on the back before he went to lay his heart on the line. But all it took was the sight of Jasper crossing the asphalt with some papers in his hand to make you cease and admire him instead. Sometimes you just wanted to march over to him and confess your feelings.

“Oh shit, that’s not good.”

You snapped out of your lover’s trance and looked at Eric’s face flushed with uncertainty as Jason dropped his head. Rejection. He was biting his lip on his way back to your group. Every time you thought you could be gather courage and tell Jasper how you felt, you saw somebody else receive decline from their own attempt. The world around you gave constant reminders to stay in line. This is what will happen to you if you try to break them up.

“He wants to go with Angela.”

Jason’s obstacle was a cute girl with glasses, and yours was Alice Cullen. Dressed immaculately in designer clothing, Jasper’s girlfriend was not somebody you wanted to rival for his affection. Everything about her was perfect and polished and a clear winner against the likes of anyone who stood beside her. How could he ever look at you, let alone accept you?

However, there didn’t seem to be any sign of Alice today. Or Emmett. Edward and Rosalie were standing by the bottom of the stairs leading up to the school. Jasper descended them, his hands now empty and stuffed in his pockets.  As your group comforted Jason, you felt a burning stare on your back; and when you turned around, you met the perturbed frown of Edward Cullen.

*

 Jasper sat beside you. He had joined the class seven minutes late; citing to Mr. Evans that there was a minor family issue. He didn’t greet you as he took his seat; he didn’t pull out any pens or open an exercise book. Something was wrong. An unkind corner of your mind hoped he had broken up with Alice and that was why she wasn’t at school today; or at least that they were having relationship problems. You shook the nasty thought away, not noticing that you had shaken your head until his voice pierced through you. “Are you okay?”

His voice sounded strained, but his expectant gaze pulled at you. Your tongue felt like it had doubled in size. “I… um.”

“Excuse me, is my teaching disrupting your conversation?” Mr. Evans was frowning at you both, and a few classmates snickered.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Evans.” Jasper’s voice was smoother. “I was asking (Y/N) something that I should have saved for later.”

Mr. Evans crossed his arms. “Indeed.”

Both of you were silent. It wasn’t until the bell rang when Jasper started a rare non-essential conversation with you. “What are you doing this weekend?”

Your pulse quickened. Had you somehow intrigued him? You took a shaky breath and focused your energy on not stammering this time. Sound available. “Nothing, why?”

Was he actually going to ask to see you outside of class? You fought to reign in the blush that threatened to give you away. He was smiling. “Oh, the rest of my family are going camping again.”

You hung onto his pause for dear life. It lasted only for a split second, but it was enough time for you to imagine a study date at his place. Sitting side by side, perhaps a little too close, so that your arms would brush. Growing tired of studying and resting your head on his shoulder. Jasper craning his neck lower so his face was close enough to yours that you could feel his breath on your face. A moment of weakness as thoughts of his absent girlfriend slipped away as his lips found yours…

His next sentence cut through you.

“So, Alice and I will have the entire house to ourselves again, which is always a pleasurable time.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him. Was he still smiling? Why did he feel the need to add that second part? Was he bragging to you?

“S-sounds fun for you guys…”

“Yeah! Our house is always so packed so it’ll be nice to have some alone time.”

Why was he suddenly alluding to his physical relationship with Alice? Why was he bothering to talk to you at all?

 *

 For the following week, Jasper interacted with you more and more. Yet each interaction left you with a hole in your chest. How could something you had wanted for so long turn out to be so awful?

“Our anniversary is coming up so my parents helped me book a romantic weekend away for Alice and I.”

“Even my sister gave Alice a gift for our anniversary. Our family just love us together. They’re always saying how perfect we are for each other and that they couldn’t imagine us with anyone else.”

“Alice and I are skipping school tomorrow for a date.”

Awkward silences turned into deafening info dumps detailing his adoration for his girlfriend; daily reminders that you had no hope of ever being with him and that his family would hate you for hurting Alice if you did. By the time Monday had rolled back around, your light was fading. Jasper had gone from your secret obsession to the last person you needed to see. You dreaded the last class of the day where he’d force you to listen to more of what you least wanted to hear.

Perhaps it was better this way. Each new insight to his relationship made you want to stay further away. Maybe you liked the idea of Jasper more than Jasper himself. Still, if your disillusion stemmed from his relationship, perhaps you’d be reacquainted with your earlier passion for him. A hard bump on your left arm pulled you away from your thoughts.

“Sorry-” you started apologising to Edward Cullen, who you had collided with. You felt hot under his burning gaze. It was a knowing look, one that was brimming with disapproval. Saying nothing, Edward brushed past you in the direction he came from; other students jumping out of his way as he charged through the crowd.

In the cafeteria, the aura surrounding the Cullen’s table was inconsistent. Throughout lunch, you caught each of them watching you one by one. Rosalie’s hostile eyes sent daggers through you, while Emmett seemed apologetic—but not for his girlfriend’s behaviour. An overwhelming sense of dread washed through your body, making you shudder. Edward’s look hadn’t changed since your exchange in the corridor. His gaze was unsettling. It was as though you were under his microscope and he could see everything about you. Had Jasper caught on to you crush on him and told his family? You found your answer when you locked eyes with Alice, whose devastation was clear on her smooth features. He had definitely figured it out, then. Jasper didn’t look at you once. Alice looked at you the most. Up and down. Left to right. She was frowning, but her forehead didn’t wrinkle, and she suddenly seemed miles away.

“I guess they don’t appreciate the threat of an outsider?” Jason glanced at their table and then back at you. “At least I’m not the only one being sidelined.”

“It’s not like I broadcasted it all over school. How did they even find out?” A well of anxiety formed within you. By the second it grew darker and deeper, blacker and blacker, and you were in danger of slipping in and being consumed by it.

“Do you want an answer?”

“No. Not really.”

 *

 And just like that, Jasper’s entire demeanour changed for a second time. His incessant mentions of his girlfriend turned into a bitter distance in which he ignored you entirely. Two more days passed. Your self-worth was diminishing. How could your crush on him be such an insult? Were you so dreadful that he was this repulsed by you?

He was about to walk through the classroom door when you stalked over to him and pushed him back out and to the side of the corridor. His voice interrupted you before you could even speak. “I know you have feelings for me, (Y/N). You don’t have to say anything. But I’m in love with Alice. I love Alice. Not you. I will never leave her for you so you need to accept that and stay away from me.”

“I didn’t mean to fall for you like this. I’m trying to let it go, but none of this gives you the right to be so rude all the time!” Hot tears burned your cheeks as they fell. “I know you won’t leave Alice! I never asked you to! But what is so disgusting about me that is making you treat me like this?”

“It’s not like you’re entirely innocent, (Y/N). If it remained the innocent crush it once was, I could accept it. But fantasising about us cheating behind my girlfriend’s back? Wishing every day that she and I would break up for your benefit? That’s selfish.”

Bile rose in your throat. He was right. There was something worth his repulsion. You should have apologised and promised to leave him alone. You wanted to tell Jasper that you never wanted things to get so out of hand. But you said, “What, so you read minds now?”

His hesitation was brief, but you noticed it. The subtle way his citrine eyes widened as those words left your mouth made you wonder if you had an edge you didn’t recognise. As awful as your thoughts about him and Alice were, how had he known about them? “You still haven’t denied it, (Y/N). Isn’t that what most people who love someone unattainable think?”

“You don’t know a thing about what I think.”

“I know a lot more than you’d expect me to and-” Before you had time to blink, Edward’s hand clapped on Jasper’s shoulder.

“What he means to say is that he—we—don’t appreciate your meddling in his relationship,” said Edward.

You gritted your teeth. “I haven’t meddled! I haven’t said a word! Who do you think you are, with your whole family death-staring me? With all these assumptions about my thoughts and intentions?” Your volume grew louder. People were staring and whispering to each other.

“Regardless of the decisions that have and haven’t been made, I think it would be best for everybody if you and Jasper stayed away from each other from now.” A strange, soothing sensation surrounded you. Your broken, shaky breaths grew steady. You unclenched your jaw and your fists, and you realised that Edward’s suggestion was best for everyone.

“But we sit together in English. Mr. Evans is very fond of his seating chart.” The sharpness had left your voice.

“I’ll change my classes.” Jasper still sounded uncomfortable; he still didn’t look at you.

“Fine.” His dismissal of you caused the embers of your anger to spark and reignite, but it felt like somebody was throwing water on them. You cooled back down.

 *

 The first week with an empty space beside you hurt the most. Knowing it wasn’t because of a camping trip, or even a date with his girlfriend; but that he no longer wanted anything to do with you made you feel faint. You would never brush his hand with yours again or feel the lingering touch of his alabaster skin. He would never smile at you, or greet you, or ask about your day—even if it was only to be polite.

But something niggled in the back of your mind, and over time it bothered you more than losing Jasper’s acquaintanceship. How were they so right about my imagination? How did they figure things out so quickly?  You had told no one about how you wished Jasper would abandon Alice and leap into your arms instead. It was a huge assumption on which to base that level of animosity and disdain.

Something was definitely off about all this; and if you had to sacrifice even your feelings for Jasper, you at least wanted to figure out how the Cullens were so on the mark. A stupid idea popped into your brain, one that was ridiculous—but you were so worn down that you allowed this concept to spread. What if, somehow, your thoughts weren’t safe?

[a34trgv2]

In Defense of The Angry Birds Movie

When it comes to movies based on video games, more often than not they're recieved less than favorable by critics and audiences. The Angry Birds Movie was one of those video game based movies that critics didn't care for and most audiences thought it was okay. I'm of the rare opinion though that this movie is actually a really funny and well written story about why anger is an important and necessary emotion when used correctly. In this post, I'm going to talk about why I really liked Angry Birds in spite of its reputation.

Based on the popular mobile game by Rovio, this film focuses on Red and how he's put down by everyone for his temper. When the pigs lead by King Leonard come and manipulate their way to steal the birds' eggs, Red and his fellow bird companions must band together to get their eggs back before they're served Sunny side up. The film does a good job at showing Red getting rightfully annoyed to the point of violence after one inconvenience after another. This is very much how I often feel on a daily basis and as such I very much relate to Red. The film also takes the time to show what Bird Island is like and how its inhabitants commute. Everything from the birds living in huts to their diet is handled well thanks to very clever visual gags. Speaking of, I found a lot of the jokes to be really funny, including the use of gross out. Normally I'm disgusted by gross out humor, but here they managed to get a laugh out of me because I found their set ups to be quite clever and the punchlines executed brilliantly.

On to the characters beside Red, I found Chuck and Bomb to be both funny and entertaining to watch. Chuck is always on the move, has some of the funniest lines as well as the funniest gags. Bomb is more mellow and a bit dimwitted, but nonetheless funny and caring. Matilda tries her best to maintain her posture, even when Red makes it difficult. Terrence is the strong silent type who normally growls, yet what he lacks in dialogue he more than makes up for in action. Mighty Eagle is a very funny hasbeen that still thinks he's the coolest ever and just about every scene he's in is just so goofy. Then there's Leonard, the big bad pig of the film. Leonard is a very smart swine that plays the long game in gaining the birds' trust by manipulating them and distracting them with parties and gifts. Leonard rules over his pig kingdom with a toothy grin and the upmost confidence, even if his subjects are as dumb as, well pigs.

What truly brings these characters to life is the very stellar voice acting on display. Jason Sudeikis perfectly embodies the cynical and frustrated attitude of Red and makes him sound like a generally easy going guy who's had one too many bad days. Josh Gad really sells the speedy nature of Chuck and makes him sound like he's always in a hurry. Danny McBride really nails Bomb's mellow and dimwitted personality and makes him sound like he could be a good friend if he didn't explode every time he gets excited. Maya Rudolph gave a really fun performance as Matilda, making her sound quirky and zen, yet appears to be one minor inconvenience away from really letting loose. Sean Penn did a really good job providing the grunts and growls for Terence. Sure, anyone of the people involved in the animation or storyboarding department could've done it, but Penn was intentionally chosen by the directors because they felt it'd be a missed opportunity otherwise. Peter Dinklage sells the real showboaty and self-indulgent attitude of Mighty Eagle. Bill Hader makes Leonard sound like a smart and eccentric pig and delivers some funny lines of his own.

The animation is really well crafted and that's thanks to the wonderfully talented people over at Rovio Animation. The character designs were given a significant upgrade from their mobile game counterparts, becoming anthropomorphic bipedal characters with big expressive eyes, fingers and detailed textures. The characters move in a believable and natural way, with Chuck of course being the exception as he's always running and moving in just about every scene he's in. The village and landscapes of Bird and Pig Island are all very well detailed and feel lived in. The animation truly comes alive during the comedic scenes and the action packed climax. Scenes such the open with Red running late, Bomb and Chuck's Mighty Eagle day dreams and Red fighting with an annoying sign are all very well crafted and funny scenes. The climax best showcases the birds powers and as well as bring amazing destruction to the pigs' kingdom.

I should also mention that the score and song choices for the film were all well crafted and incorporated brilliantly. Heitor Pereira did a really good job incorporating the iconic Angry Birds theme music into the score and also provided some great comedic cues. Blake Shelton's song Friends sung by the pigs was a great way to show how the birds were manipulated over the course of a montage. Other notably catchy songs from the soundtrack include Demi Lovato's cover of I Will Survive, Imagine Dragons' On Top of The World and Explode by Charlie XCX.

I do have one problem with the film as a whole though: all the birds on Bird Island are a bunch of mindless sheep. I'll detail my problems with this trope in a later post, but it honestly bothers me that the entire island is against Red. How come there isn't at least one person on this island that sympathizes with Red and his frustrations? Personally, I think there should've been an additional member to Matilda's anger management class, someone's whose been there for years and yet is just as frustrated as Red. And that character, to me should be Stella, the pink bird that has a minor role in the finished film. Stella could be Red's first friend as she would share his frustrations with him, but rather than resort to violence, Stella would pull pranks on her victims. Stella could also go through her own little arc by not going with Red, Chuck and Bomb to Mighty Eagle's cave because she'd rather solve her problems herself rather than ask someone else to do it for her. This culminates in her getting injured during the climax and her asking Red for help, which he does without hesitation.

Overall, I think The Angry Birds Movie is a really good movie with excellent humor, relatable and funny characters, stellar voice acting and very well crafted animation and music. I also really liked the sequel to this film and I hope Rovio and Sony team up again to make another one. See you in the next post ;)

[theapril]

Mark Ruffalo To Replace Samuel L Jackson As Guy In Every F*cking Movie

July 20, 2016 – Burbank, California – In a leaked story from the entertainment industry, which was most assuredly supposed to be one of the deepest, darkest secrets ever to be held by the mysterious Hollywood illuminati, Hollywood news sources have recently confirmed that 48 year old actor Mark Ruffalo, best known for his roles in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 54, Shutter Island, Collateral, Date Night, The Avengers, Iron Man 3, Now You See Me, Begin Again, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Now You See Me 2, Thor: Ragnarok and A Fish in the Bathtub, is surprisingly set to officially supplant film industry icon Samuel L Jackson, as Hollywood’s sanctioned “Guy you see in every single f*cking movie.”

Speaking on the basis of strict anonymity, the head of the shrouded Tinsel town Illuminati, who may or may not have once starred on a Thursday night NBC show about nothing during the nineties, has verified from the sitting room inside the secret society’s underground lair, that not only is this change set to take place imminently, but that, it is in fact gospel truth, that 67 year old actor Samuel L Jackson, has verily appeared in every movie ever made.

Though this allegation assuredly seems preposterous to many, with the cat out of the bag and the story leaked, our unnamed source, who may or may not have created the short-lived NBC game show The Marriage Ref, saw no need for further reservation, and explained that Mr. Jackson has categorically executed the dauntless task of appearing in every indivisible Hollywood, Bollywood, and Vancouver film production since the dawn of time. “Sometimes you may not even realize he’s there” said the incognito chieftain of Movie town’s intelligentsia, who may or may not enjoy imbibing coffee with well-known funny-men in classic four-wheelers on the Internet channel Netflix, “But we know he gets into your brain subconsciously, and that’s been good for our underhanded purposes. So if you’ve ever said to yourself, ‘Damn! Is this f*cking guy in every single f*cking movie ever made, or what?’ The answer is yes.”

Still, some balk at these claims, saying that, if there is anyone who is in every single f*cking movie ever made, it’s Eric Roberts. “No. He’s just in every bad movie” says the unknown headmaster of the surreptitious motion picture industry order, who may or may not have gained fame in the eighties by doing standup comedy regarding life’s minutiae on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, “And before you say Jason Bateman or Melissa McCarthy, they just play the same character over and over. But they’re not in every film.”

When the unspecified head honcho of the hidden silver-screen guild was engaged with the logistical problem of it not being physically possible to have appeared in every single f*cking film ever made without the use of a surely fantastical time machine capable of traveling to the last quarter of the nineteenth century, or at the very least, able to bend space into a paradox which would allow individuals to transport their physical body and spirit to other realms or dimensions outside of our own, the incognito sparkplug of the veiled cinematography brotherhood, whose initials may or may not be J.S., remains tight-lipped.

When asked, “Why Samuel L Jackson?” the answer was given matter-of-factly, “He had the best catchphrases.”

Conversely, when poised with the query, “Then why the change?” the answer was almost one of sorrow, “It was the Visa commercials. If only Sammy hadn’t done those damn Visa commercials. No one cares what’s in their wallet.”

While it is true, that the African-American Hateful Eight star did rise to become the highest grossing actor in history, with over $7.5 billion in box office receipts to date, thanks chiefly to his witty vernacular with John Travolta in 1994’s Pulp Fiction– now that the veil has been lifted on just how many films he has indeed appeared in, it also seems quite possible that he’s employed the colloquialisms “nigga” and “mother-f*cker” in every single one of those flicks as well. In fact, with so many profoundly belligerent quotes under his proverbial Mace Windu Jedi belt, it’s difficult to imagine a B renegade cop movie without an eye-patched Samuel L Jackson as the potty-mouthed ringleader of an underground government task force, or anyone else portraying the pugnacious yet endearing street thug who possesses both a heart of gold and an equally hearty endowment for well enunciated verbosity. Indeed, puzzling as it may be, those truly unique and completely original roles will now go to Ruffalo.

To that end, we asked the nameless spokesperson of the preeminently enlightened west coast film industry comradeship, who may or may not be great pals with Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David, why it has suddenly become Ruffalo’s time to take the reigns as the guy you see in every single f*cking movie. The answer contained only two words, “He’s fuzzy.”

While nobody can be certain as to exactly what that means, one can only assort it as probable canon, critical to the delicate innerworkings and fettle of the mystic picture show fraternity, that is the La La Land Illuminati. When we attempted to reach Ruffalo for input, the swarthy haired Foxcatcher star declined to comment, on the basis that he was too busy filming his next 743 films.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #311

“somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.”

What is something that is so awful it gives you pain in your teeth? Extremely sweet and/or cold treats. What is something you would like to teach someone? I love educating people about meerkats, snakes, tarantulas, opossums... lots of animals. What is something people tend to come to you about? For me to take pictures for them. What is something you would be willing to gamble? I don't mess with that. What's something you're absolutely 100% sure about yourself? Uhhh that I really like creating things and just being artistic. How often do you self-reflect? Probably too much, really. When was the last time you realized that you were the problem, if ever? I feel like a problem now, still living with and financially depending on my mom. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? Ha, Mom and I got lost driving one day looking for roadkill for me to photograph (that will always feel weird saying) and wound up pretty far north from home, kinda close to Virginia. It was a fun afternoon/evening. What are some sights around the world you would like to see some day? I'm honestly not crazy about pursuing ancient architecture, but I'd take the opportunity for some if I could, especially in Egypt. OH! Venice would be cool, and whatever that city is with the umbrella "ceiling" layer outside. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? No. Apart from sleeping, name something you enjoy doing in bed: Sit on my laptop or read. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, or at least something of the sort. Do you stay friends with your exes? Girt and I are close friends, while the others I don't have contact with. Not because we're on bad terms (I may be w/ Jason, but I think our last meeting was freeing for both of us and distilled any remaining tension), we just don't talk. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Pretty sure no, I'd crash. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? One or two. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. How many pregnant people do you know? Good Lord, a lot. People are bored in quarantine apparently lmao. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Myself, outta boredom, kinda just twirling it. Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? Yeah. ^If yes, can you name any of the components? I could probably identify the motherboard. If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? I would. Idk what kind, though; I'm not very familiar with what's up-to-date. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? No. How old is the eldest member of your family? I don't know really, given both pairs of my grandparents are dead. Probably some aunt or uncle on Mom's side. I don't remember their birth order. Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? No, it grosses me out for whatever reason. UNLESS it's after a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I'll drink it. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Yeah, me, and some others. One thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: He's never told me about something he doesn't like, so I can't speak for him. How about your girl best friend? Ummm you'd have to ask her, too. Do you loan your friends money? *recites the usual financial woe story* Are you taller than your siblings? No. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Definitely not regularly by any means. Are you generous? If you ignore monetary generosity for obvious reasons, I think I am in other ways. Are you afraid of lizards? No no no, I love those tiny lil dinosaur boiz and gorls!!!!! :''') Ahhh, I want a tegu especially one day. How legible is your signature? It's perfectly legible, imo. How hot are your neighbors? I don't even know my neighbors. Well, Mom's spoken to the woman to our left more than once if they were both outside, but I know she's an older woman whose appearance I never really noted, but regardless, I know I wasn't attracted to her. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who's your buddy? Yeah, I can finally play it regularly since they began offering a daily box with a few items in it, like the balls. I'm not checking, but I think I'm like... around 23? My buddy is Charmeleon because I love love loooove that evolution line and absolutely want a Charizard ASAP. :') What's the most daring thing you have ever done? I guess that would be the story about how I challenged my rather intense fear of fair rides that can trouble the stomach by going on whatever the thing's called where you slowly go very high up and then drop down abruptly. Yeah yeah yeah, I was safe the whole time, but it was daring by my standards, haha. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice already; the first time it closed while I was in the psych hospital and had to take it out, and the second one I just gave up with it after I kept losing them in my sleep and they just fell into the fucking void or something because I could never find them come morning. I eventually had none left to replace those I'd lost. And yes, I wore the curved types, they still just came out somehow???? Probably didn't help that I sleep like, ON my face sometimes, but... lol. I've been thinking of doing it one more time, but this time with a hoop ring. Nostril piercings are just really cute to me. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Somehow. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Do you have tan lines? HA. Absolutely not. Not even in the summer. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, he had snake bites. Has anyone told you they were in love with you? Yeah. Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person? Yes. Have you ever been vomited on? What about in vice versa? Oh my fucking god no, don't even make me imagine it. What is one family member you wish you were closer to? My sisters. When and where did you lose your virginity? Since then, what was the longest time you've ever gone without sex? I dunno, his bed or mine when I was maybe like 16 or 17. Been many years. What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? That I'll experience heartbreak again. Do you think that your life is exciting enough to be made into a movie? Do you think anybody would actually enjoy it if it were a movie? lol fuuuuck no If you were the opposite sex, would you be attracted to you? I don't know? If I was a different person, I'd obviously have unique tastes, too. Have you ever walked around your house naked? Oh no, I'm way too uncomf for that. Do you prefer profile pictures of you by yourself or with someone else? Me by myself. Did it bother you to find out that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy were not real? Not really, no. I'd been suspicious about it for a long time anyway. Is there a food that you only recently started to like? If so, what is it and when did you start liking it? How often do you try again foods you don't like to see if your tastes have changed? Hm... I'm unsure about "recently." I'm not very adventurous with food at all, so the answer for the last part is not often at all. Who would you NOT want to read the surveys you've posted on here? What would most likely happen if they did read it? Is there anyone you actually wish would read your survey answers but doesn't? Probably my therapist lmaoo. It'd spark some concern, especially regarding my PTSD, for him to be able to see "wow, she is deeply scarred." I don't really "wish" anyone else would read them, other than the occasional answer I wish He Who Shall Not Be Named could hear. Do you watch Glee? If so, which song do you want to hear on there that they have not yet done? If not, which TV show do you think has the best soundtrack? I don't watch it. The answer is obviously Supernatural, like good good shit right thar. Do you think you would be able to pull off a crime perfectly, without being caught? What about other lies? For example, cheating on your partner without getting caught? Would you be able to get away with it? Ha, hell no. I'm way too clumsy in more ways than physical and would overlook so many details. And I wouldn't WANT to get away with cheating on my partner, thanks. Do you know anyone who has divorced and remarried the same person? What do you/would you think of someone who does that? I don't think I do, and it's not really my business, but I'd have silent doubts, probably, depending on why they split. Do you say goodnight to anybody before you go to bed? If so, does it feel weird if you go to bed without saying it to them? I say goodnight to my snake Venus; even if she's in her hide, I say it when I walk past her terrarium. It probably wouldn't feel weird not to, but I want to, even though she can't even hear me lmao. How do you react when you're scared? Do you scream, jump, cover your eyes, etc.? I am VERY jumpy, tend to gasp easily, and sometimes scream if I'm seriously scared. Who is the best storyteller you know? What do you find best about their storytelling? Is there an interesting story of theirs you'd like to share? I don't know. Do you strongly dislike (or even hate) any bands or musical artists? If so, what caused such a strong negative emotion towards them? Not for purely their music, that's just stupid, but I could certainly dislike artists for what they do as people. For example, I haven't looked into it whatsoever, so it could be a load of bull, but I know Manson recently had some sexual misconduct or assault allegations rise against him, and honestly, I'd believe it. He's one of my favorite artists (emphasis on the "art"), but definitely not high on my list of favorite people and keeps doing things that are making me lose more and more respect for him. Then there's Otep... again, one of my favorite musical artists. I agree with a good handful of her values, but she is nevertheless an absolute holier-than-thou, intolerant bitch. I don't like her as a person. Do your parents have any collections? If so, what do you think of those collections? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes stuff; it's all over his "mancave." I don't have an opinion on them. Do you have a favourite role of Johnny Depp's? If you don't like him, what is your favourite role of an actor you like? I'm not familiar enough with all his acting roles for this, but I know he's incredibly good at what he does. If you were in a competition to win your dream prize, and you were allowed to decide what the competition would be (trivia about your favourite band, a foot race, singing, etc.) , what would you choose and why? Uhhhh maybe facts about meerkats? Reason being it's something I'm honestly very knowledgeable about. What is your least favourite thing about the English language? Are there any other languages you prefer besides English? It breaks its own "rules" ALL the time. If I was fluent in German, then I might actually prefer it. There are many parts to the German language that make it very precise and clear what and whom you are addressing (ex., there are two different "you"s for singular and plural usage); the only real downside I see to German is the sentence structure is odd, but then again, I mean, it does encourage active listening to get all the parts of a sentence you need to understand what is being said. Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that they had committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship? Hm. I guess it would depend on the crime? I sure wouldn't be happy hearing they committed an as you said serious crime, but I'd have to consider if there were other red flags for danger going on, again, if it wasn't massive in my eyes. Do you enjoy watching the special features found on most DVDs? What do you usually enjoy more: the deleted scenes, the bloopers, the audio commentary, or the behind-the-scenes footage? I have to be seriously into whatever I'm watching to explore these. I do love me some bloopers, though. Was there something you were afraid of as a child that just seems silly to you now? I had that usual "monster (or in my case, skeleton) in the closet" fear. Have you ever had a crush but then found out he’s gay? Almost positive my puppydog-love middle school bf actually is gay. I also had a crush on a closeted gay guy for a little bit that same school year. Nowadays he is so open about his sexuality and even does drag, and he's great at it! It's wonderful seeing how far he's come in his confidence. Would you ever be a porn star? What'd your name be? Oh no, hunny. Does blood make you squeamish? No. What's your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. <3 I also have a very soft spot for Charmander, though. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? My older sister got in a wreck yesterday because some impatient bitch ran a red light. She's fine but did break her clavicle and is going to be using a sling for probably a few months. It was definitely upsetting to hear about. What do you do when you like someone? I tend to get very shy around them, more than I naturally am, and smile a lot. I try to stay in contact with the person, and it's maybe a 60/40 chance I'll wait for them to make the move versus me, but I've done it. Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? YEAH. Especially as someone who needs to mentally prepare for company, don't do this. Do you enjoy rain? To a degree. If it hangs around too long, it affects my depression. I LOVE going to sleep to rain pattering on the window, though. You love Jesus, yes? I don't believe he was a bad person; quite the opposite, actually, but I don't "love" him. I won't go too deep into why just because I'm not in the mood to offend people today lmao. Who’s your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. She's my rock. How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Just water and Mountain Lightning (a Mountain Dew ripoff for us poor folk, haha). Oh wait, I did have a meal replacement shake for lunch yesterday, I think? Or that might have been the day before... How many brothers does your father have? None, unless I've seriously forgotten him having one. He only has a sister, to my knowledge. What kind of camera do you use? I have a Canon EOS Rebel T6. If you could change you name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't. 25 years with a name I quite like has worked out fine. What was the last song you listened to in the car? Uhhh it was "Drugs" by Mother Mother, I think. Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I'm the middle child between my parents. What's the best thing about the place you currently live? Hm. I would say for practicality's sake that we're very close to pretty much everything, but seeing as I enjoy long car rides... With that in mind, I'd say who our landlord is. She's a very close family friend who is very understanding of our financial position, so pretty forgiving with some things. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yessss, I need breakfast to start my day off. Can you hear anyone talking right now? No, just singing. I'm listening to Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. What's your favorite flavor of ramen? I solely enjoy the spicy pork bowl by Yakisoba. I've never had another I've liked. I lived off that shit in the apartment. I guess what they say about college kids is true, haha. Never realized that. When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavor? Back when I got my snake eyes tongue piercing, I tried vegetable soup only to find I didn't like it anymore. Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, lots. I couldn't name 'em all, besides like, diced pineapple, corn, and beans. We always have those. What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? On Thanksgiving, I was actually brave with food for once and tried that sweet potato dish that's topped with marshmallow, and it was okay. I never liked sweet potato before, and while I couldn't eat a lot of it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? No. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into my family with a beautiful collie named Trigger, but I have zero recollection of her because she passed away from old age when I was very young. My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow (no, I have no idea why I named a green lizard that); I can't remember who came first. I adored them both. I feel so bad looking back though, I was so uninformed on how to properly care for a water dragon that she (or he, we were never sure) was, as far as correct husbandry goes, horribly taken care of and stunted from having a tank too small. I consider myself lucky she seemed to really trust me and loved being held, even sleeping on me, and she did live out her full lifespan. I was lucky; please, please, never adopt a reptile until you are properly educated on their unique care. Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? Mom bought me McDonald's a few days back because I was really craving it. I had a double cheeseburger and for once large fries, because that's what I was seriously wanting. I usually get small or medium. Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? I feel bad and selfish for breaking my own "stay the fuck home but for emergencies" rule, but my mom, one of my sisters, and I went out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I think I ate a chicken sandwich with Chipotle sauce? I actually don't remember for sure. I do however remember the cheesecake I got: some cinnamon swirl one that was fucking glorious. Oh yeah, and we had an appetizer of these pretzel ball things dipped in fondue. I ate waaaay too much, but it was a special occasion, so whatever. Have you Googled anything today? What? I ensured I spelled "clavicle" correctly. Yaaaay, I did. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Special K cereal, a sandwich, sometimes those pancake & sausage on a stick things I mentioned at some point in the last survey I think, or a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Maybe other stuff I'm just not thinking of. Is anyone in your family a nurse? No, but I have family in the medical field. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colors do you think suit you best? Not really, no, but I will sometimes for pictures. It smudges too easily yet is also hard and annoying to get off. I only really wear black. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My therapist recommended a book for the whole PHP group, but I can't remember what it was. Something self-care related. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Tobey, the "family friend" I mention a lot. She probably said something technically rude that she thought was an appropriate joke. Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yeah, always. Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? Tabbies are very common, so yes. I don't think I know anyone with a pure cocker spaniel, but my late dog's mother was one. Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have those slanted blinds that you can close by pushing them upwards or downwards with a stick thing. They're white. What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Some form of juice I wasn't a fan of. Orange and peach, I think? Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I think a friend on Facebook when I changed my profile picture. Is/are your pet(s) fixed? My cat is neutered, but obviously my ball python isn't. Roman would mark the house like crazy before we got him fixed... but even if he didn't, we still would have done it. Please make spaying/neutering your cats and dogs a financial investment priority. If you do the research, you would marvel over the "damage" especially one fertile cat can cause. Hell, my childhood experience with cats is enough proof of that.

[alkhale]

Lost and Found (Jason Todd x Reader) Ko-fi Request

JASON TODD x new fledging superhero female OC plssssss

I wanted to try to make this one as open as possible because I wanted to give more free reign over the imagination of the hero’s occupation as a hero, but hopefully these work for you! Always love writing for this beautiful, beautiful boy :’)

THE BACKGROUND:

- You have a very interesting choice for occupation as a so-called “hero”

- Within the scope of that title, many brave men and women under that profession might not exactly consider you to be on their… level, per say. Several very, very big names have become only a bit or vaguely aware of your new, bustling presence in Bludhaven, apparently making quick time and moving all the way to Star City or popping up in Metropolis in a single night.

- Villains don’t really know what to do with you. They most leave you alone, to be honest, because they have a feeling dealing with you is just a headache. The only villains that really have any beef with you are big time thieves, and Cat Woman is not happy about your new rising popularity but she’s still staying off your radars for now. (You’re working on her)

- Most heroes advise you to stay home, they’re the ones giving you the most trouble. Small run-ins have them instructing you to go ahead and give up this line of work and perhaps join a local law enforcement or help-group, they think it’s much better for you.

- You, however, are determined, and you’re rather set on doing what you feel is truly your happiest calling.

Jason Todd, currently donning the sleek, reinforced metal of Red Hood’s mask, gave the drug dealer one last good kick to the ribs, listening for the satisfying crack of a few that promised he wasn’t getting up or going anywhere anytime soon.

Goons littered the hallways, their blood spilling over across the walls. The acrid smell of cigars snubbed out by their own fluids flooded the deserted motel hallways. Car lights were punched out in the front of the parking lot of the cheap, off-the-highway motel they’d been hiding out at like a pack of rats. It hadn’t been hard for him to find them, to be honest, a much easier job tonight more than anything. Jason was just a bit pissed off so he let off more steam than usual.

Jason tapped one gun against the side of his mask, a light little thump thump as he set his hand on his hip, surveying his work. He’d dump the cash in a fucking river. It was blood money and he had better things to do then get his hands on it. He’d rather just break another ATM. Fuck, I’m still pissed off. I should get Thai tonight.

Normally, Jason had a very nice, selective choice of arsenal on his person. Guns he’d tuned up and had tricked out. Nice, pretty things that never failed him. Classic knives, the works, he liked having options. 

Jason let out an aggravated sigh, muffled through his mask. He scowled, kicking another limp body for emphasis and turning, wiping some blood off the corner of his jacket. 

His fucking problem was that one of his pretty, nice little guns was missing. Gone. Lost. He was one hundred-fucking-percent sure it was his last job in Bludhaven after tangling up with Dickie Bird and having to scram before he received any kind of dark tongue lashing from Bats or the Demon Spawn pulled some sick shit like pulling Alfred up on speaker again to discuss his misdemeanors. Like the little shit can talk. Jason had come scrounging back, searching through the dockyard left and right for his gun and found nothing. Nada. 

He really liked that gun too.

Have to put in an order for a new one. Jason rubbed the top of his mask, hooking his fingers to prepare taking it off. What a pain. Thai it is. I’m starving—

“Hi! Excuse me, but is this your gun?”

Jason stopped.

It took him a second to process what he was seeing. Only a second, because he sensed no blood thirst or killing intent—he still cocked his gun and pointed it at the newcomer without a single hesitation though because what the hell, right?—and he needed that good second because even quick footed, always adaptable, always moving Jason needed that fat second to understand what the fuck was in front of him.

Halfway through what appeared to be some kind of… portal? It was the weirdest fucking portal he’d ever seen and he’d seen some weird fucking portals. A bright yellow, piss yellow, stretching in a warped, warbling kind of flame in the middle of the air, as though cutting straight through dimensions. Jason could get a peek of something behind. A city? He sniffed the air. A dock?

In the middle of the portal, with one, combat booted foot out, was a slender leg covered in black tights. Black tights led to a black fitted top that was clad by a… a construction vest? A neon green construction vest. Over her face—he assumed her because of the body and hair, but who the hell was he to know, right?—was a weird mask of a man, like some kind of religious figure, covering her entire face. Her hair was pulled back into two buns on either side of her head.

In one bare hand, held out to him by this new person in the middle of a piss yellow portal, was his gun.

Jason stared.

“Sorry, I know, this must look strange, right?” you quickly apologized, stepping fully out of the portal. It disappeared and you now stood before him, mask and stupid construction vest and his gun. “Here! This should be yours unless…”

You trailed off, mask looking pointedly at the bodies scattered around them. “Oh, unless it’s one of these guys’s. Sorry about that.”

“What the fuck?” Jason said, rough through his mask. He still had the gun pointed at you.

You beamed behind your own. “I come in peace! Just trying to return this. Found it in the dock by… Fifth? It was glowing, so that meant someone was looking for it—”

“Hold on,” Jason waved his gun at you for emphasis. You nodded at it, waving his gun back. Jason almost laughed. Who the fuck is this clown? “I’ll ask you two questions. Just two. Depending how you answer, I’m going to shoot you, got it?”

“Oh,” you said, sounding a bit sullen. You glanced at your watch. “Will this take long? I have two more deliveries.”

“No,” Jason said. “Depending on how you answer.”

“...okay, shoot,” you said. You paused, quickly holding a hand when Jason raised his gun. “Sorry, I meant figuratively, please. Ask the questions.”

Jason cocked his masked head to the side. “Who the fuck are you. Why the fuck do you have my gun.”

“I feel like those weren’t phrased as questions—”

Jason shot at your feet. You yelped, jumping up. “Jeez! Is this what I get for doing a good deed? Saint Anthony! I’m Saint Anthony!”

“Yeah,” Jason said. “And I’m Jesus fucking Christ.”

Jason prepared to shoot your kneecap out and you squawked, tossing the gun his way. Jason quickly caught it, inspecting it for any damage before narrowing his eyes at you behind his mask. You wiped your hands off your pants like brushing off germs. 

“That’s my alias,” you said, tapping your mask, a pious man’s face printed over it. “Saint Anthony! You know, the patron saint of lost things? The guy you pray to when you lose shit?”

“Do I look like I pray?” Jason said, pointing his gun to the drug dealer whose brains he’d blasted out. You made a small noise, as though just noticing.

“Well, you never know. Met some strange folks who pray and still do some very questionable things—let’s not get hasty!” Jason put his gun down. “That’s my codename! Have to be careful with this hero business, you know. I felt like it fits because of my power.”

You pointed to his gun and it began to glow a soft piss yellow. Jason dropped it in disgust, pulling his other gun back up and getting ready to shoot you. “I can see what items are lost! If an item belongs to someone and they’re looking for it, it’ll glow and I can see it like that. Then I pick it up and it teleports me to whoever it belongs to.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Jason said. “You’re a human lost and found?”

“Yes! But much more effective,” you reached into a sack you had strapped to your back, opening it up for him to see where several more objects were glowing a piss yellow. “I decided I should put my talents to use, so I go around returning lost objects. Everybody loses something once in a while, you know? The other day I found this strange looking little USB and it turned out it belonged to Lex Luthor’s secretary and oh, boy, that was a sticky situation when Mr. Superman came and—”

Jason shot at your feet again. You jumped, clutching the sack protectively to your chest. “What the hell was that for?”

“I just felt like it,” Jason said. He tucked his gun back into his strap and picked up his now found weapon, inspecting it curiously. “Weird fucking power, sweetheart.”

You shrugged in a what-can-you-do manner.

“You said you were a hero?”

“Oh, more of a good samaritan,” you said, waving a hand. “I’ve just been working with the police lately on stolen goods. Sometimes burglars are real clumsy and drop items, you know? Apparently night vision goggles are very expensive so they’re always looking for those.”

You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck. Jason watched you in idle interest, having a bit of fun with this interaction. Been a while since he met anyone so fucking weird. He kind of liked it.

“Anthony, huh?”

“Yes!” you slung your sack back over your shoulder, sticking out a hand to him. “It’s very nice to meet you…?”

Jason tapped his gun against your palm in greeting. He tucked it back into its holster, giving you a long look behind his mask. You stopped, cocking your head at him. “What?”

“No, it’s just…” you rubbed the back of your neck. “Ah, nothing really. If we’re all squared away here, you mind if I take off? I’ve still got this pair of chain cutters and this funny looking stone to deliver.”

“You ever worry you’re delivering it to some weird place?” Jason said. “Or to someone who, I dunno, might kill you?”

“Oh, all the time,” you said cheerfully. “But usually I can take care of myself.” Jason quirked a brow behind his mask. “But thank you for your concern! I’ll be off then, Mr. Red. Thanks for your cooperation!”

You grabbed the funny shaped rock from the bag, a piss yellow portal appearing in front of you. Jason watched wordlessly as you stepped halfway through before turning back to him, raising a small hand in a little wave.

“Live a good life, Mr. Red!” you waved harder. “If you ever lose anything again, I’ll be sure to look out for it!”

Jason offered a lazy wave back, kicking a goon in the head who’d started to rouse.

You curled your fingers into your palm. The portal began to swallow you whole and you watched behind your mask as Jason turned, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

You figured for this particular customer, perhaps it was better not to say he was glowing a very beautiful, very somber shade of yellow.

Looks like whoever lost you is looking very hard for you, Mr. Red.

[mizmahlia]

Seeing is Believing

Remember this post here, about Jason watching the footage from Bruce’s cowl the night he died? I did a horrible thing and wrote one for Damian, too. Except this one ballooned to 6400 words. I’m kind of sorry. (Credit to oh-mother-of-darkness for the original headcanon that inspired this. It can be found here.)

Warning: This follows the Batman, Inc Vol 2 story line, so if you’ve read that, you have an idea what’s coming. (I used the actual dialog from these scenes.) There’s mention of blood and Damian’s demise. It’s nothing super graphic, but still. And also a metric ton of angst.

Damian sat in the study, watching a deer slowly make its way across the manor grounds. She didn’t appear to notice the rain and instead wove between the flower beds and shrubbery on her way back to the cover of the woods at the back of the property. His sketch pad, with the half-sketched deer on the front page, lay abandoned on the couch next to him. Alfred was stretched out along the back of the couch, purring as Damian rubbed his belly. He heard Jason coming before he rapped his knuckles on the door frame. “You rang?” Damian rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He turned and looked at Jason, who was still in the doorway leaning against the frame. His hands were shoved in the pockets of a black leather jacket still coated in rain drops. He made no move to enter the room.

“You don’t need an invitation to come in here, you know.”

“I’m still trying to figure out why I’m here,” Jason said, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it over the back of a chair. He took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, slinging an arm over the back and turning to face Damian. Alfred opened his eyes and stretched lazily before getting up and walking over to Jason. He rubbed his cheek against Jason’s sweater before crawling into his lap. Jason sighed and shook his head, already noticing the white hair stuck to the navy fabric. He focused on Damian, who was watching with slight annoyance at seeing his cat so easily find another source of attention.

“Everything okay?” Damian turned and looked out the window again. The doe was gone. He turned so he faced Jason more directly, leaning forward to close his sketch book. He studied Jason closely, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness he carried in his shoulders. “I should be asking you that.” Jason tried his hardest not to sigh in irritation, instead feigning ignorance. “And why would that be?” Damian gave him a look that told Jason he saw right through the attempt. “All everyone around here has been whispering about is you watching the footage of your death three nights ago.” He drew his legs toward him and crossed them beneath him. “It’s getting a little ridiculous.” Alfred chose that moment to crawl out of Jason’s lap and saunter from the room as if he sensed an argument coming. Jason brushed the hair from his sweater, stalling long enough so he wouldn’t snap at Damian. He had a good idea as to why Damian sent him the text demanding that he come over, but damn it if he wasn’t going to make the kid spell it out for him anyway. “And I’m supposed to do what about that, exactly?” Damian looked out the window again. The rain had picked up and there was a rumble of thunder in the distance. He could feel Jason watching him, but there was no tension or anger in his gaze. But he could sense Jason’s apprehension of whatever Damian was going to ask him. He felt guilty for being about to cause him any discomfort so he refused to look at Jason when he spoke. He didn’t want to lose his nerve. “Why did you watch that footage?” Jason’s mouth opened as if he had an answer ready, but nothing came out. He paused and looked down at the couch between them, thinking of a way to answer that question when he himself didn’t really have one, apart from ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’. “I don’t know. I found it while helping Tim research. It’s not like I went looking for it. I didn’t know it even existed.”

Damian watched Jason run his hand through his hair- a nervous tic he had. It was still damp from the rain and stood up in several directions, the tuft of white prominent against the inky black hair next to it. Jason leaned his head against his hand, studying Damian.

“And before you ask, I don’t regret it. I mean, not really.” “Was it difficult to watch?” Jason nodded. “Oh yeah.” Damian looked at him, noticing how tired Jason looked. Jason rarely tried to hide how he felt when he was around Damian for some reason, only doing so in front of Father or Grayson. But Damian could see it in his body language and in the lines around his eyes, the dark circles he noticed earlier. Grayson looked like that after his nightmares about Damian’s death, the nights he came into Damian’s room and crawled into bed with him. “More so than you’d like us to believe, I assume.” Jason glared at him, but there was no anger behind it, only snark at such an obvious assumption. “What can I say? It’s not fun watching what was one of the worst moments of Bruce’s life. And seeing a dead version yourself isn’t a cakewalk, either.” Damian swallowed and pulled a pillow into his lap, playing with the trim. “Was it what you thought it would be? Did it accomplish anything for you?” There it was- the reason Damian told him to come over. He was wondering about Jason’s experience because he was thinking about watching his own footage. “In a way, I suppose it helped me accept there was nothing Bruce could have done for me when he found me. But I never held that against him in the first place. That was never my problem with what happened. I forgave him for that as soon as I was with it enough to be able to. But it wasn’t at all what I expected it to be because there’s no way anyone can prepare for that.” Damian considered Jason’s answer, once again looking out the window. He didn’t speak for a few minutes and Jason didn’t push. “Look, Damian. I can see the wheels turning in your head, and I understand why you’re curious. But I don’t want you entertaining the notion that you’re gonna go watch what happened the night you died. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” “I appreciate your honesty.”

“But you don’t like my answer.”

His green eyes narrowed momentarily before they rolled toward the ceiling.

“I disagree with it. There’s a difference.”

“Touche.” He leaned forward, resting his hand on the couch next to Damian’s foot. Close to him, but not touching him. Damian turned and stared at Jason’s hand before making eye contact.

“You don’t want to see what happened to you, and I don’t think you really want to hear what Bruce heard. Trust me on that.” Damian didn’t answer, nodding once. Jason poked his foot before standing and retrieving his jacket from the chair. “I’m around if you ever want to talk, okay?” Damian only nodded again and continued staring out the window. Jason immediately went downstairs, hoping to find someone in the cave. He was fortunate enough to not only find Bruce, but Tim and Dick as well. “You guys have a situation on your hands.” Bruce turned first, acknowledging Jason with a raised eyebrow. Tim and Dick both turned at the same time. They were huddled around old maps of some kind. Dick smiled. “Jason, hey. What are you doing here?” The three of them ignored what they were working on and watched Jason as he approached the table. He tossed his jacket on a nearby chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I got a text from the kid demanding my presence at once.” Dick looked at Bruce, whose expression was suddenly and suspiciously blank. Jason noticed immediately. “Yeah, he had some questions.” Tim looked between the two of them, his eyes widening. “He’s not planning to watch it, is he?” Jason gave him an irritated look. “What do you think, Tim? Now that he knows I’ve seen mine, thanks to whoever told him about it, of course he wants to see his.” “The only people who know are you, Bruce, Alfred and me. I never said anything to him about it. He must have overheard me when I was talking to Barbara later about deleting your file, but I never mentioned why.” Bruce glared at Tim at his admission he was going to delete files without Bruce’s knowledge. Dick looked at the three of them, clearly confused and frustrated with being left out. “Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?” When Bruce and Tim didn’t make a move to answer, Jason did. “Did you know that Bruce records the feeds from his cowl every night?” Dick frowned at such an obvious question. “Yeah. We all know the cowl has a camera. Our masks have them and I bet your helmet has one, too.” Dick shrugged. “So?” Jason looked at Bruce, who gave him an imperceptible shake of his head. Don’t, it warned. “Do you also know he never deletes anything, no matter how awful the footage might be?” Bruce and Tim both sighed, with Tim closing his eyes, readying himself for Dick’s inevitable outburst. It didn’t take Dick long to answer Jason’s question. He turned and faced Bruce, his hands in fists at his sides. “You kept the footage from the night of Jason’s death? What the hell were you thinking, Bruce? Why would you do that?” He then turned to Jason, some of his anger dissipating, but not much. “And why on earth would you want to watch it?” He circled the table and before Jason could deflect it, Dick wrapped his arms around him. “Are you okay?” Jason sighed and clapped his hand against Dick’s upper back, trying to end the hug. “Yeah. So you can imagine why I’m concerned that Damian is asking me what it was like.” He felt Dick’s posture go rigid as he backed away. He slowly turned toward Bruce. “Please tell me you don’t have the files from that night. Bruce, please.” Again, Bruce said nothing. Tim was already over at the computer, messaging Oracle about deleting the file. “I’m already on it, Dick. We’ll have it permanently deleted shortly.” Dick was standing in front of Bruce clearly still angry, but he was calmer. He reached up and put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “I know how you like to punish yourself, but this is harsh, even by your standards.” Bruce covered Dick’s hand with his own, before removing it and turning to watch Tim work. Dick just sighed and leaned against the table across from Jason. “Bruce, what if Damian had come across that file while he was on his own? Like I did? I was lucky you came back when you did. I’m a grown man and looked what it did to me.” Dick snorted and rolled his eyes, but said nothing as Jason continued. “Imagine what that could have done to him.” “You act as though I hadn’t prepared for that already,” Bruce said quietly, just as Tim spun in the chair. “We can’t access the file, B. It’s encrypted. Why not just delete it?” Before Bruce could answer, Jason was standing next to him, their shoulders touching. “Because it’s motivation,” Jason said. “In case we ever need reminding about what we could lose.” Bruce glanced sideways at Jason, sadness and relief in his eyes. Jason looked at him and nodded once in return, finally understanding why Bruce would keep things like that footage around, even if he disagreed with it. “Work with Oracle to make sure no one can hack into that file, Tim. I trust that it will be completely secure when you’re finished.” Tim nodded and went back to typing as Bruce disappeared upstairs, Dick right behind him. Jason shrugged into his jacket and said goodnight to Tim before he left. This damn family.

A few days later, Tim noticed something odd. Damian was being unusually kind lately. At first, it was subtle- letting him use the second-best shower in the manor first (the best one being in Bruce’s en suite bathroom), or the noticeable lack of insults over their comms while out on patrol. Then it escalated to Damian bringing him coffee (just the way he liked it, no less) when he stopped by WE to visit Bruce, or having a five-star restaurant deliver a meal to his apartment while he’d been working non-stop on both the annual WE budget and a new case.

When Damian offered to let him walk Titus, something Damian never let anyone do unless he was incapacitated, Tim realized he was up to something. They were in the kitchen after patrol, waiting while their food heated in the microwave, when Tim could no longer resist.

“What do you want, Damian?” Damian looked up from his book and frowned. His own meal was plated next to him, waiting until Tim was finished with the microwave. “What?” Tim narrowed his eyes. “I know what you’re doing, I just don’t know why. What do you want?” Damian looked down at his book, finishing a paragraph before marking the page with a piece of ribbon. When his eyes finally met Tim’s, Tim was surprised to see him nervous. “I’m aware you helped Oracle verify the encryption of the file from Father’s cowl that night.” The microwave beeped, the sound unusually loud. Tim made no move to open it. “Yes, at Bruce’s order.” Damian looked down at the table and nodded. He’d suspected as much, which was why he hadn’t bothered to try and access it himself. He could hold his own with hacking, but not where Tim and Oracle where concerned. “But you’re still able to access it, correct?” Tim leaned a hip against the counter. Damian had tenacity, he’d give him that much. “You’re set on watching that footage, aren’t you?” Damian looked at him from the corner of his eye. “Yes. But I don’t expect any of you to understand why.” Tim shivered as he recalled what he saw that night. Damian fighting with arrows in his back. Calling out to Talia to stop everything. How he’d cried out for Bruce. Tim turned back to the microwave and leaned his hands on the counter, hanging his head. Damian was right; why he would want to re-live that was beyond Tim. “I have questions and I know Father won’t answer them. You won’t, either, and Todd wasn’t there. And I can’t ask Grayson again.” Tim turned back to Damian. Dick was usually the most honest with Damian, but the fact Dick wouldn’t talk about this with him wasn’t that surprising. “Why not?” The microwave beeped again and both of them ignored it. “Because it would hurt him too much,” Damian said quietly. “Whenever I ask about it, he changes the subject, but I can see how much it hurts him even though he tries to hide it.” Tim took his plate out of the microwave and set it on the table, holding a hand out for Damian’s. Damian handed it to Tim without a word and Tim put it in to warm. He sat down across from Damian and waited until he looked up to speak. “Damian, you have to understand how terrible that night was for all of us, but especially Bruce and Dick. We aren’t trying to keep it from you or shelter you, but at the same time, seeing yourself after you die isn’t something you want to see.” Damian drew his hands back from the table and put them in his lap. Tim knew he’d made them both into fists in an effort to stay calm. “I’m not interested in seeing myself dead, Drake, nor am I interested in seeing any of you mourn for me. It’s pathetic that you think that’s what I want.” He picked up his book before standing and glaring at Tim. “Clearly you won’t be of any assistance.” He turned and left as the microwave beeped, speaking back over his shoulder as he disappeared. “I’m no longer hungry.” Tim sighed and looked down at his plate. Me neither.

It was nearly a week before Damian contacted Jason again. The second time, Damian went to him. Damian was waiting in the dark when Jason came home at three a.m. after a slow night. Jason entered his current safe house and locked the door before turning a light on. Damian sat on the sofa, legs crossed and hands in his lap. Jason startled and backed against the wall, nearly dropping his helmet. “Damn it, kid. Don’t do that!” Damian smirked ever so slightly. “If you’re startled that easily, Todd, you have problems.” Jason only shook his head, removing the heaviest of his gear and stowing it in a closet. He locked his guns in the safe and kicked his boots off before collapsing noisily in a chair across from Damian. “Everything okay?” Damian stared at his hands, biting his bottom lip. He shrugged, one shoulder slowly rising toward his ear. “No one is injured, if that’s what you’re asking.” “Alright, that’s good, but that’s not what I asked.” He waited until Damian looked up at him before he asked again. “Is everything okay?” Damian sighed, frowning. “It’s bad enough they all walk on eggshells when the subject of my death comes up, but when I have questions about it, no one will actually answer them. They don’t listen.” Jason rose and sat down next to Damian, tucking a leg beneath him so he could face him. “This is about the cowl footage, isn’t it?” Damian nodded. “I tried to get Drake to help me, but he said the same thing everyone else has. I was nice to him for nothing.” Jason shook his head and stifled a laugh. “I bet he was confused as hell.” Damian looked up at him, a tiny smirk appearing at the corner of his mouth. Jason grinned, before poking Damian’s knee. “Can I ask you something? Why is it so important to you? What do you want to get out of watching something so... painful?” He could tell no one had asked Damian that question yet. He was silent a few minutes before he spoke again and when he did, his voice lacked its usual formal tone. He sounded more like the child he should be. “Did you remember anything that happened right before your death? I mean before you saw what my Father saw that night.” “I remembered some, yes, or at least I thought I remembered. What I think happened to me, what the Joker said he did to me, and what actually happened are probably three totally different things.” He inhaled slowly and deeply, willing himself to stay calm and not panic in front of the kid. That treasure chest of memories was easy to open, but so hard to close.

“But once I saw what happened immediately after I died, the stuff that happened right before didn’t carry the same weight as it used to.” Damian didn’t look at him, continuing to stare at his hands. When he finally did respond, he was cautious. Almost hesitant. “So in watching it, you were able to find some sort of closure. You were able to let some of your pain go.” Jason leaned back against the arm of the couch and shrugged. “I guess so, yeah. There are some things I’ll always struggle with, some things I’ll always disagree with Bruce about, but overall, you could say it helped in some strange and morbid way.” He nudged Damian with his foot. “So what do you hope to gain from seeing yours?” “I…” he trailed off and sighed. “That... thing my mother created went after Grayson and I tried to stop it. I think I remember trying to save him and I need to know if I succeeded.” Jason frowned. “Damian, Dick survived that night. I wasn’t there, but I can tell you he made it.” “And yet, when I came back, we all believed him to be dead.” Damian’s eyes were full of unshed tears at that point and he was trying really hard to keep them that way. “I need to see if my death prevented his. And no one will grant me that request, despite all of them having that capability.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck, his mind reeling. It all made sense now. The kid wanted to see if he’d failed at being Robin, if he’d failed at protecting Batman, whether it be Dick or Bruce. He didn’t need or want the validation that his family cared about him like Jason had; Damian knew how they all felt. He needed to see that by dying, someone else survived. Jason leaned forward and gently put his hand on Damian’s shoulder. “I’ll see what I can do, short stack, but I can’t make any promises.”

Two nights later, Jason arrived at the manor at seven o'clock, per Tim's instructions. Bruce and Alfred were attending a fundraiser for Gotham Memorial Hospital’s new maternity wing. They would be occupied until after Bruce’s speech, which wasn’t on the evening’s itinerary until eight-thirty, provided the mayor wrapped up his speech on time. Damian greeted him at the door.

"Hey, squirt.” Damian rolled his eyes. “Tt. Drake said he’s almost ready.” Jason glanced around, nervous as hell they were going to get caught. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission in this case. “You guys sure Bruce and Alfred won’t be back for a while?” “We’ve arranged for some technical difficulties in the event the mayor finishes his speech early. And since Father is the keynote speaker, he can’t get out of it.” “And what if they need Batman?” “They get Red Robin,” Tim said, meeting them at the bottom of the stairs. “I’ve been working with Oracle tonight and so far, things are quiet. But as soon as you two are set up, I’m headed out on patrol to keep it that way.” He gestured to the second floor. “Come on, it’s set up in the study.” They entered Bruce’s study and were met with a fire glowing in the fireplace and Tim’s laptop set up on the desk. It was connected to the flat screen mounted above the fireplace and the couch was moved so it sat directly in front. There was a lamp on in the corner, casting a soft glow through the room where the light from the fire couldn’t reach. Damian sat down in the middle of the couch and said nothing. Tim glanced at Jason, uncertainty in his eyes. Jason merely shrugged. “I’ve remotely accessed the cave’s computer from my laptop and found a workaround for Oracle’s encryption. The file is open and all you have to do is click the file name.” He waited until Jason had taken a look at the laptop before he turned to leave. “If Oracle knows you’re watching it, she won’t stop you, Jason. I asked her not to after our conversation yesterday.” “Thanks, Timbers.” Tim left and closed the door. Jason clicked the file name and it opened. He paused it immediately and went around to kneel in front of Damian. “If at any point you want to stop, just say so or squeeze my hand, okay?” “I’ll be fine, Todd,” Damian huffed, but Jason could easily see the kid was nervous. “Well, just in case you’re not, say so.” Jason leaned over and clicked play before taking a seat next to Damian. The footage began in complete darkness. Jason leaned over to check that the video was playing when Talia’s voice came through the speakers. Damian tensed momentarily before settling back against the couch. “My detective.” They could hear Bruce moving around. Jason frowned. “Where was he?” “My mother had him,” Damian said quietly. He tensed at the sound of Talia’s voice again. “My dear, sweet, doomed detective. Really? This is how I get your attention?” At that point, other sounds began filtering into the audio feed. Damian heard the sounds of the fight from the lobby along with what his Father was experiencing. His breathing hitched as heard the fighters loyal to Leviathan yelling about formations. “He still listens to everybody, doesn’t he?” Jason murmured. Damian nodded. “Boy’s own adventure. Playing commando. Playing dress-up and fight. No responsibilities. No ambition. A man who might have ruled the world.” “I’m not your father, Talia!” Bruce hollered angrily, startling both of them. The screen was still black; wherever Bruce was, he hadn’t escaped yet. Damian heard Tim arrive next, helping a woman get to safety. There was more chaos, more fighting. He didn’t try to fight the smirk on his lips at the sound of shattering glass and yelling echoing through the lobby. “God help us all! GET HIM!” Jason gently elbowed Damian. “Was that you?” Damian nodded, continuing to stare at the blank screen. He paled when they both heard Dick’s voice ring out. His heart rate spiked before calming once he heard the amusement in Dick’s startled outburst. “You’re supposed to be home! He’ll kill Alfie for letting you loose.” Jason watched Damian from the corner of his eye. Damian had looked down at the floor, the muscles along his jaw clenching. Jason put his hand next to Damian on the couch, making it easier for Damian to grab it if he wanted to stop. Damian looked up at the still-blank screen when he heard his own voice. “This is our last chance to prevent a catastrophe. Are you with me, Nightwing? The odds are completely against us.” Jason’s chest tightened when they heard Dick reply. “When did we ever let something like that get in the way? Robin, The Boy Wonder, Damian.” “So far, I’d say you’ve been my favorite partner. We were the best, Richard. No matter what anyone thinks.” Damian felt his ears and cheeks flush, and he hoped Jason would think it was because of the fire in the fire place. Jason noticed, though, even in the dim light. Damian clearly adored Dick, despite any of his attempts to say otherwise. But Jason would never tease him about it. He knew what it was like, having Dick to look up to. Damian was still watching the screen even though it was dark, anxiously waiting for the video feed to come on. There was an explosion somewhere and the audio feed filled with static for several seconds. They could hear Bruce’s controlled breathing as he worked to free himself from wherever Talia had secured him. There were muffled sounds from what Jason guessed were Dick and Damian. He continued watching Damian from the corner of his eye, seeing him tense and look down into the fire.

“Robin. Get out of here. NOW.” Jason’s eyes widened at the tone of Dick’s voice and Damian winced, slamming his eyes shut. It was the one reserved for only the serious situations. Things like grave injuries, civilian casualties during an op, or when shit hit the fan. Damian’s fingers gripped the edge of the couch cushion tightly when he heard his own voice again after a gargled cry from Dick. “Leave him alone! Look at me!” There was a crash nearby and Dick’s voice went silent. “Look at me. Touch him again, I’ll kill you.” Jason’s heart raced as he listened, having only seen some surveillance photographs of this Heretic creature. As he imagined this thing standing over Robin, he felt himself getting angry. But the pride he felt at Damian standing up to it swelled along with his anger. Damian looked over at Jason, the anger in his eyes beginning to give way to his fear of what was coming. A deep voice, rough like broken concrete, came through next. Damian’s eyes went wide. “Now you will know me.” They listened as he fought the Heretic, Robin repeatedly demanding that he give up and telling his mother to call him off. “BREAK!” the Heretic screamed. “No. Die. Cowards!” Robin’s voice was noticeably weaker at this point. Damian sat in silence, once again staring into the fire, barely blinking. Jason had begun to regret agreeing to this, but not enough to stop it just yet. “You okay?” Damian began to nod, but his eyes were drawn to the flat screen as the video feed began. They watched as Batman surfaced and crawled out of a pool. Robin’s voice came through again, tired this time. Beaten, but not broken. “..call him off at once.. Mother.” Batman was fighting his way through Talia’s bat creatures, all the while Talia was in his ear. Jason could feel an anger he thought he’d conquered, thick and Lazarus-green, bubbling in his chest as he listened to her taunt Bruce about their son. “Our son was a flawed creation. Born from a bottle. A failed experiment.” Batman collided with yet another bat, tackling it to the ground before ruthlessly punching it in the face with a snarl. Damian’s focus was glued to the screen, now realizing what prevented him from getting there sooner. “You lost the world that might have been yours. You lost me. You’re losing everything.” Batman leapt off the edge of the high rise, grabbing one of the bats mid-air. They rushed toward the ground. Damian stood, watching as Bruce fought to make it to the lobby. His stomach lurched and his face contorted as Talia spoke. “You’re losing the game.” They heard a ragged gasp through the audio feed followed by a sickening gurgle. Jason grimaced, knowing full-well what had just happened. “Your move, my detective.” Damian’s hands flew to his chest, gripping his shirt, a look of pure anguish on his face as he watched Batman dive through a broken window into the lobby. Damian’s eyes scanned the screen wildly, trying to take in everything at once. Batman rolled to his knees, skidding to a stop in front of Robin. At the edge of the frame, Dick was lying on the floor, still unconscious. They could still hear Tim fighting off the other combatants in the background. The camera shifted as Batman looked down at Robin, the pool of blood spreading across the tile beneath him. The wound was enormous, much bigger than a child that size should ever experience. Jason immediately shifted to sit closer to Damian, who was still standing, and he took Damian’s hand in his. Damian squeezed but Jason understood he wasn’t indicating he wanted to turn it off. Damian shook his head, tears beginning to fall as he continued to watch. The video feed shook slightly as Batman tried to process what he was looking at, surveying the damage he knew was fatal before he even got there. “Batman. It was me. I did it. I killed your son with this. I beat you once tonight, old man. You’re weaker now.” The Heretic’s voice filtered through the background noise again and suddenly there was a burst of activity. Batman took after the Heretic, the video feed becoming blurry with the pace at which Batman fought. Damian blinked and more tears fell as Dick’s voice came through again. “No. No no no.. This isn’t happening! He was okay, just a minute ago! What just happened?” Damian could see when Nightwing joined the fight, the blur of red easily joining in alongside his Father as the Heretic screamed at him. “I never tire. I’ll break your back!” The three of them, Batman, Nightwing and the Heretic, continued fighting. Batman and Nightwing held their own for only seconds before they were both overpowered and beaten into near-unconsciousness. There was an explosion and both the video and audio feeds went down, only to return seconds later. “Yeah. RUN!” They heard Tim’s voice and watched as the crowd began to scatter. Batman rolled over and climbed to his knees, turning to watch as Nightwing carefully picked up Robin. Damian watched as Nightwing tried not to sob as he exited the building. He could hear Father gasping for breath, sobs wracking his huge frame, as he followed them out of the building. Damian gasped when the screen went dark and the audio stopped. He turned to see Jason at the computer. “Yeah, tater tot, I think we can stop there.” He walked around the back of the couch, sitting down and wiping his eyes. “We don’t need to see any more of that.  What Bruce did after that should remain private, I think.” Damian sat down, his breathing coming in rapid, shallow pants. Jason leaned forward, rubbing his back. “Are you okay?” Damian turned to look at Jason and shook his head, causing more tears to fall. Jason opened his arms and Damian hurled himself toward him, landing hard against his chest. “Breathe, Damian. Come on. You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t slow down your breathing. I’ve got you. You’re safe. Dick is safe. Everyone is safe.” He rocked back and forth until Damian started to calm down, his breaths hitched and uneven, but slower. Damian tucked his head under Jason’s chin, clutching his sweatshirt tightly. Jason stared into the fire, continuing to hold Damian as long as he’d allow himself to be. When he thought he might get some sort of answer out of him, he nudged Damian to see if he was still awake. Damian looked up at him, his eyelashes still wet with tears. “Did you see what you needed to see?” Damian nodded and laid his head down against Jason’s chest again. Jason could feel him swallow once, then twice, trying to talk around the lump in his throat. “It.. it was as I remembered. Well, some of it.” Jason didn’t ask for clarification, knowing it would come anyway. “I remembered being so angry when he went after Grayson. And I remembered trying to distract him so Grayson would be safe.” He sniffled and sighed. “I’m glad my distraction worked. I was able to hold him off long enough for Father to arrive and get them out.” Jason closed his eyes, lamenting the fact that they would all sacrifice  themselves for each other without a second thought, even those as young as Tim and Damian. He was proud of Damian, both for what he did that night and for what he’d accomplished since then, but he wished it had never come to that. If Talia ever set foot near this family again, he would prove to her they were off-limits and he wouldn’t regret his actions in demonstrating that fact. Damian began to relax against him and Jason decided it was smarter to move him now than later. He stood and shifted Damian so he could wrap his arms around Jason’s neck. Damian did just that, also attempting to wrap his legs around Jason’s waist, but fell short as his legs weren’t long enough. Jason chuckled softly. “It’s okay, spider monkey. We’re just going to your room. I won’t go anywhere.” Damian sniffled. “Thank you.” “This is one of the strangest things I’ve even been thanked for, but you’re welcome.” They went down the hall and Jason tucked him into bed, propping himself up against the headboard at Damian’s request. Damian fell asleep with one of Jason’s hands combing through his hair. He checked his phone and had three messages, two from Tim and one from Barbara. Tim: Are you two okay? Tim: I’ll take the lack of messages from you as a yes. FYI- Bruce is on his way home. Barbara: Please tell me you’re both okay after that. I think it was a horrible idea, but I also understand it, to an extent. He replied to both that they were fine and thanked them for their help. He put the phone in his pocket and sighed, looking at the window at the lights of Gotham in the distance. Damian had a pretty good view, a lot like the one in his old room. He heard the muffled sound of the front door. Bruce would be up any moment now, having seen his bike out in the driveway. He didn’t have to wait long as hurried steps came down the hallway. Damian’s door opened and light from the hallway spilled into the room as Bruce entered. His bow tie was undone and the first buttons of his shirt were open. “Jason? What are you doing here? Is Damian alright?” Jason held a finger to his lips before disentangling himself from Damian’s arms, which had somehow wrapped themselves around one arm and a leg like an octopus. He pointed to the hallway and he followed Bruce from the room. “What’s wrong? What happened?” “Damn it, Bruce calm down. He’s fine now.” Bruce looked back through the doorway and then at Jason. His expression darkened and his tone of voice dropped, both veering dangerously close to Batman territory. “You didn’t…” Jason stared right back at Bruce, drawing himself up to his full height, which was nearly the same as Bruce, and crossing his arms over his chest. They were standing nearly eye to eye. “Yeah, I did. Because he asked me to. He remembered trying to save Dick and he needed to see that it worked. No one would listen to him long enough for him to explain that.” Bruce closed his eyes and exhaled, his shoulders deflating. “He needed to see that his death wasn’t meaningless. That his sacrifice fulfilled its purpose.” Jason nodded. “We both needed validation, old man. I needed to see that I meant something, that my life meant something. He needed to see that his death meant something. That it mattered.” Bruce looked at Jason, his eyes full of sadness and guilt. “It makes me feel like a failure that my children need that kind of validation.” “Well, if it weren’t for your ridiculously obsessive habit of documenting everything, you never would have been able to give it to us. So, there’s that, I guess.” Jason clapped a hand on Bruce’s shoulder and brushed past him, heading downstairs. “I’ve got to get out on patrol. See you later, Bruce.” “Jason?” Jason stopped on the landing and turned. Bruce was at the top of the stairs now. “Yeah?” “Thank you, for listening to him and for staying with him.” “He's a good kid. I hope you see that.” With a nod, he turned and left. Bruce went back to Damian’s room and knelt next to the bed. He carefully laid a hand on Damian’s cheek, smiling when he nuzzled against it. His next words were soft, quiet- meant to be felt and not heard. “You matter, Damian. You’ve always mattered.”

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Damian’s temple before circling to the other side of the bed and crawling in. He settled himself in the spot Jason had occupied, heaving a contented sigh when Damian rolled over and snuggled against him.

“And you save us every day.”

[randomrosie01]

DC Character

| Jaylin Luciano |

  Born into a rich corporate family, Jaylin was raised by her mother Shala Vasir and her Father Leon Luciano. As an only child, Jaylin was raised to be the heir of the Marksman Inc. Even though Jaylin was raised to be the heir, she was raised with love from her family. Around the age of 8, Jaylin’s superpowers began to develop. Getting her powers from her mother, Jaylin can control dark matter (mass effect biotics except in black). 

  While Marksman Inc. is a corporate business like the Waynes, they run an information ring. The head of the ring is called the Shadow Broker, as the Broker one has information on anybody including family history and activities. The Broker was Leon until Jaylin turned 20 where it was passed on to her. Assuming the role of the Broker, Jaylin is now able to follow through with anyone she wants to look at and gain information for the benefit of Marksman Inc.

  By being born in Gotham’s upper class, Jaylin got to see the welcoming of the majority of the Wayne clan. While she did not see Dick being adopted, she was friends with him and got to meet Jason, Tim, Barbara, Cassandra, Damian, and Stephanie. Jaylin is two years younger than Jason, but she was in the same grade as him. Jaylin got to join Jason and Dick in the early years for galas and other activities filled with rich adults. 

  Jaylin got to meet Jason two days after he was adopted by Bruce. While Jason was shy and a little rude, Jaylin’s attitude set him in his place and made him feel more welcomed to the drastically different environment he was being exposed to. 

  Due to the family business, Jaylin is extremely close to Zaeed Masani whose family works for Luciano’s. Zaeed is 12 years older than Jaylin and has become her older brother who she looks for when she needs someone who can help her understand the family business and who can help her with her powers. 

  Jaylin was trained in martial arts and marksmanship. She can speak English, Spanish, Hebrew, Arabic, French, Italian, Korean, and ASL. 

  At 24, Jaylin is 5′6 and weighing at 132lbs. She has dark brown eyes and long black hair that is naturally curly but is often straight. She has an industrial piercing in her left ear, a beauty mark on top of her right lip, long black stiletto nails, doodle tattoos ranging all over her arms- ribcage-back of the neck-and ankle, a septum piercing, a scar running from her left shoulder down to her hip, self-harm burns, and scars, and a left eyebrow slit.

  Jaylin began dating Jason in their sophomore year and continued to date until their Senior year when Jason died. When he died, she became more reckless and had appeared to have a harsher exterior. She had then staged the death of her hero self and came back with a new name, Revenant. She held a small grudge on Bruce for a few months until she realized that he missed Jason as much as she did. One night on patrol Jaylin encountered the infamous Red Hood. While she was largely surprised that he was alive since none of her sources could really spot him, she was overwhelmed with longing and love for the grown man in front of her. Jason was so much more different than who she remembered, but his eyes were still the same from the lousy teen she had fallen in love with.

The name Revenant became a meaningful word for her as she had felt herself die when Jason was killed. Her personality was largely “reborn” as she became reckless and less naive and more aggressive.

| Traits |

+ Family-oriented

+ Genious

+ Hot-headed

+ Flirty

+ Perceptive

+ Virtuoso

+ Artistic

+ Disciplined

+ Loves the heat

+ Charismatic

+ Night-owl

| Extras |

-only child

- can live to 140 years

- became Broker at age 20

- Started dating Jason at age 14

- Joined patrol as the Black Wolf at age 16

- Has a best friend called Zaeed

| When she saw him again |

   Laying on the rooftop was a bliss. The darkness giving her a cloak of security in the grim city. Soothing spring wind providing comfort against the heat of the night. She had been sitting on the rooftop for almost an hour now, the clock almost reaching 4am. She was done patrolling and sitting on the rooftop provided her a sense of calmness after the chaotic day she had. Expecting no one, the melancholic girl took out a photo from her suit; a photo of her and the love of her life, the only person she has been able to love after all of these years. It was just them, a picture capturing the effortless smile of the lovesick girl while her guy held her by her waist planting a kiss on her cheek. Dick had taken that photo after seeing his brother soo happy. None of them knew about the photo until a year after Jason’s death. Dick had shown her the photo as a way for her to remember the good. Stuck in her own nostalgic state, she did not notice someone creeping up beside her. “You must be one of the new replacements, Ai?” A deep, groggy voice startled her out of her trance. Without getting up from her spot, she looked at the picture some more before replying “ No, nobody was replaced, some of us just happened to get a new suit, Red Hood”. The tall man looked impressed that she was able to recognize him without even turning around. The girl was good at her job though, she knew about people and their business, but she did not know much about him which really worried her. Putting the photograph away, she stood up. Their height difference was already not good. Him-- laying at around 6 feet easily towered over her. “ So little Revenant, got a new outfit? Did the Bats pay for it darlin’?” 

“ No, I designed and made it myself. You have a problem with that?”

“ A little, you just look too easy to beat now with this new set”

 Red Hood had lunged at her intending to throw a punch. She dodged and got a few kicks and punches of her own. The fight continued for a few minutes, both getting their punches and kicks in. A good kick from Revenant tore away part of Hood’s mask revealing part of his face. Before surprise hit her, she managed to get him on the ground in a straddle. Taking off his mask created a cloud of longing and desperation. Jason Todd: the last person she ever thought that she would see again. The boy who she saw dead in the arms of his father was now a man with a white streak of hair and a J branded on his left cheek. The boy that once owned her heart was looking at her with a cold, piercing glare. She acted upon instinct and paralyzed him; setting him in place gave her a minute to look at him. His eyes are more sunken into his skin. His jaw and overall face are way more defined than that of a teen. His body is more built than she could have ever imagined. “ You were dead... no, you cannot be real”, the desperation and confusion were felt as she spoke. “ Yeah supposed to be, Princess. Some of us got better”. She allowed him to move again. She couldn’t believe that he was alive after all of these years. Jason got off the floor and walked towards her, she did not move, she allowed him to whatever he wanted. He walked close enough for her to feel his breathing as he said “ Did you replace me already, Angel? The Bat’s new toy seems to be close to you”. She just wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, there was no way she would have been able to move on and here he stands asking her if she did. “No, I have spent the last five years of my life mourning you, believing you were dead was enough to tear me apart, but actually seeing your dead body did the job. I was there when you got buried, I was there for weeks mourning your damned body. I lost the love of my life to a damned clown. I’ve lived the last five years wishing you would come back to me, wishing that you were lying beside me every time I fell asleep.” Her voice was rather quiet, even though she was confident in her words, she was on the verge of tears. Jason walked closer to her, closing the space between them. Her body reacted on instinct and immediately began to kiss him back. The kiss was longing--full of light and passion. All of the desperation kicked in as Jaylin grabbed his leather jacket, pulling Jason in even closer than they already were. The hint of smoke was present in his jacket, which bothered her a bit but at the moment, she could have cared less. All of the desperation, the adoration flooded the kiss. Everything at that moment felt right, it felt natural. Their lips parted once they had both ran out of air. They just looked at each other and they knew exactly what they felt without having to say anything. Jason held her jaw and turned it so that she would look at him. “ I have to go princess, but meet me here tomorrow at 2?” He said in a low, raspy, and out of breath voice. “ Meet me at my apartment instead, we really need to catch up and I would really like to get some privacy. I’ll send you the address” She said. “ You took over the broker didn’t you? Well alright, kitten, I’ll be waiting for the address and I’ll meet you there tomorrow night” He chuckled. Jason walked backward eyeing Jaylin until he turned around and grappled to the next building, leaving Jaylin to process exactly what had just happened and to test if she had just experienced reality or not.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Hoffman, Pacioretty, Couture, Bozak, Ferland, and Roussel – July 12

  In just three weeks, the 2018-19 Dobber Hockey Fantasy Guide will be released. Be sure to head to the Dobber Shop to grab your copy! The guide is updated periodically until the season begins to reflect trades, injuries, and new line combinations, so even if you’re early, you won’t miss out on up-to-date information.

*

Dominik Bokk signed his entry-level contract with the Blues on Wednesday and it seems he’ll be headed back to Sweden for the 2018-19 season. With the bevy of signings and trades St. Louis has made in the last few weeks, there’s no real need to rush the sniping prospect into the NHL. I know dynasty owners are going to be disappointed but it’s the right call.

In talking with Cam Robinson around draft time, Bokk was a guy he mentioned among the non-elite to keep an eye on. St. Louis evidently thought the same thing as they traded up to draft him. The more I read about him, the more impressed I am with him though it seems the hockey community is kind of split on him. Some saw him as a mid-first pick, some didn’t see the potential. I’m starting to be a believer, though the usual disclaimer applies: I’m not a prospects writer nor do I scout them. I rely on the excellent work of people like Cam.

You can read Bokk's Dobber Prospects profile here. 

*

Nothing fantasy hockey related, but a pretty fun read from Adam Gretz at Pro Hockey Talk about the Jaromir Jagr trade out of Pittsburgh all those years ago.

*

Just to reiterate something about the Florida Panthers: one of Mike Hoffman and Evgeni Dadonov will not be on the top PP unit this year (for the most part). Now, Dadonov did not really need a bevy of PP points to perform well last year, so he can still be a 55- or 60-point guy without that slotting. If Hoffman is to top 30 goals for the first time in his career, though, he does need those minutes. Keep that in mind when draft season approaches.

*

Something I noticed while trying to figure out San Jose’s line combinations for next year: Logan Couture has seen is individual shot-on-goal rate per 60 minutes at five-on-five decline every year since the lockout season. In 2017-18, he ranked 170th out of 367 forwards with at least 500 minutes in shots/60 minutes. Five years ago at the end of the lockout year, he was 29th out of 339 forwards with at least 300 minutes. In total, his shots/60 has declined about 34 percent over the last five seasons. We expect decline as a player ages but he’s still in his twenties and that decline came largely from age 24 through age 27.

Line mates? Role? Being more selective (his two highest shooting percentage seasons are the last two years)? Regardless, it’s going to be hard for him to repeat 30 goals if his shot totals don’t grow. 

*

We’re hitting the quiet part of the off season. As far as trades are concerned, it seems inevitable both Max Pacioretty and Erik Karlsson are moved, it’s just a matter of when. We can probably add Jeff Skinner to that list as well. There are some cases going through arbitration from RFAs deserving of big contracts like Mark Stone, Jason Zucker, and William Karlsson. The signing of Patrick Maroon (you can read the fantasy impact here) basically means all the big-name UFAs are signed. In all, outside a few trades, there’s not much left until training camps hit.

As a side note, something I realized while writing these Ramblings: the Western Conference as a whole, outside of St. Louis and Calgary, didn’t really do a whole lot this off season, did they?

Chicago’s biggest signing might be Cam Ward.

Colorado signed some depth with Ian Cole and Matt Calvert.

The biggest addition/signing between Dallas, Minnesota, Nashville, and Winnipeg, four teams with Cup aspirations, is probably Blake Comeau? I guess Valeri Nichushkin though he’s really just a returning player.

The Kings signed Ilya Kovalchuk which may not be that big of a get depending how he performs.

Vancouver… well we’ll leave Vancouver alone. They know what they did.

Arizona added a few forwards but Alex Galchenyuk may be the only player of serious impact, and even that’s uncertain.

The Blues and Flames made pretty significant changes while most largely stood pat or handed out tens of millions of dollars to fourth liners. I suppose Erik Karlsson could change that equation if he does land somewhere like Dallas.

On the topic of UFAs, I think it’s worth reviewing the landing spots of some of the bigger names in new destinations either via trade or free agency. Too often, fantasy owners (present company included) just hand-wave a player going to a new team who seems to be just going into the same role on a new team and assume constant production.

Here are a few players whose production probably declines with their new team.

  Tyler Bozak

Bozak’s signing is solid for the Blues in terms of getting them a true third-line centre who can facilitate for their scoring wingers. In terms of fantasy hockey, owners need to realize that Bozak, going into his age-32 season, has one 50-point campaign (2016-17) and one 20-goal campaign (2014-15).

He’s going to a situation in St. Louis where his role at five-on-five won’t change much – third line in a sheltered role with talented wingers – but he will probably lose significant power-play minutes; Schenn-Schwartz-Tarasenko will eat a lot of minutes on a top unit while Ryan O’Reilly likely figures as the fourth. Losing just 30 seconds on the power play per game, which is a conservative estimate, will see him lose 3-4 points off his total from last year assuming constant goal rates. It’s that double-whammy where not only does his overall production decline, but his PP production as well, reducing his value in multiple roto categories.

He’s never been a multi-category performer so Bozak is basically only to be drafted in deep leagues or leagues that count face-offs. Though he’s going to what appears to be a very good St. Louis team going into 2018-19, the loss of power-play time is going to be a hit to what was already his meagre fantasy value.

  Micheal Ferland

As I mentioned in a review of the free agent signings a couple weeks ago, we’ve probably seen the best fantasy season we’re going to see from Ferland unless we see some dramatic changes to the Carolina roster. Last year saw a big jump in five-on-five ice time per game, garnering 1:45 more per game than his previous career-high. While the uncertainty around Jeff Skinner’s situation means there are likely more changes coming to this Carolina roster, as it stands right now, Teuvo Teravainen and Justin Williams are ahead of Ferland on the right side. They also just drafted a potential star in Andrei Svechnikov. If Svechnikov shows well early in the season, Ferland could find himself on the fourth line.

Now, Ferland is a left-handed shot even though he often played the right wing often in Calgary. But even if they moved him to the left side, he’s still behind Sebastian Aho and Skinner (for now). Brock McGinn had a solid season last year, Valentin Zykov showed promise down the stretch, and they added Jordan Martinook. If Skinner is moved and they don’t add another left winger, maybe Ferland ends up as the second-line left winger. But Skinner would have to be traded, the team would have to decide to move him to the left wing, and he’d have to outperform a few players to maintain that role. His best-case right now is that he’s moved around the middle-six for the Hurricanes, which is still a huge downgrade from spending nearly three-quarters of a season on a top line with Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan.

Without top power-play minutes, which he won’t get, and top-line slotting, which he also won’t get, it’s very, very hard to see Ferland repeating 20 goals and 40 points. He can still be fine with a 15-15 season in leagues that count hits, but this is a serious downgrade for him.

  Antoine Roussel

I suppose no one drafts Roussel for point production. He’s drafted for triple-digit penalty minute and hit totals. And his shooting percentage is going to rebound from the 5.9 percent he shot last year, a far cry from his 12.7 percent shooting for his career going into the 2017-18 season.

All the same, anyone not playing on the top line for the Canucks is going to have a hard time scoring this year. There are a lot of hopes pinned on the likes of Elias Pettersson and Adam Gaudette but for now they’re still unproven rookies. In his last decent offensive season, Roussel was spending significant minutes with Tyler Seguin. I can’t imagine he gets a real shot with Bo Horvat and Brock Boeser.

Again, Roussel is going to spend time with unproven rookies or someone like Brandon Sutter. That’s with mediocre (at best) puck-moving defencemen behind them which may or may not include Chris Tanev in the near future. Despite being a rat on the ice, he’s an effective player. The problem is he may not get the same chance in Vancouver that he did at times in Dallas. A 25-point season would be a huge win. Though, as mentioned above, he’s not really drafted in fantasy for his point totals.

*

Though the rumours for years have been that Max Pacioretty is on his way out the door, M-A Godin of The Athletic says that a trade is going to happen soon, given that the team will not negotiate a contract extension with him. It seems the tenure of one of the top goal scorers in a generation of the team’s history is over.

That’s not hyperbole, either. Though he’s not near the top of the franchise list in total goals scored, he did have one of the best peaks in team history. He was late to the NHL and suffered injuries, so his first full season was 2011-12 at the age of 23. In the six seasons from the age of 23 to the age of 28, he scored 189 goals in 439 games, or 0.43 goals per game. That is the highest goals per game mark of any Habs player since the mid-1980s. Quite literally, Montreal fans waited nearly three decades for a goal scorer as consistent and prolific as Pacioretty.

Wherever he ends up, hopefully he’s embraced by his new fan base. During his peak, Pacioretty was among the top wingers in the league and 2017-18 saw a decline due to injury. If he’s healthy when he returns, his new team will get a tried-and-true top-line left winger.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-hoffman-couture-bozak-ferland-and-roussel-july-12/

[latestnews2018-blog]

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Victory Face

New Post has been published on https://latestnews2018.com/there-were-zero-things-better-this-week-than-alexandria-ocasio-cortezs-victory-face/

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Victory Face

Welcome to Good Shit, HuffPost’s weekly recommendation series devoted to the least bad things on and off the internet. 

This is obvious, but the best thing I saw this week was NY1’s video of 28-year-old Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez realizing she had beaten out Joe Crowley in the Democratic primary for the 14th Congressional District of New York. The results all but assured that she will soon become the youngest woman ever elected to Congress, and they set off a predictably nauseating period of 24/7 news coverage.

Challenger @Ocasio2018 toppled one of the top Democrats in Congress, @repjoecrowley, Tuesday night in their primary in the 14th District. The victory stunned even her, live on our channel. #NY1Politics https://t.co/fnK1O0bacz pic.twitter.com/RjuqHJpn1p

— Spectrum News NY1 (@NY1) June 27, 2018

But the particulars of that moment were mesmerizing: the way she convulsed just for one second when she saw the results; her widened eyes and covered mouth, first with two hands, then with just one; when she shook her head exactly once and replied “Nope” after an interviewer asked Ocasio-Cortez to put what she was feeling into words; and then when she composed herself and told the world that the victory belonged not just to her but to everyone who was with her. It was something wholly foreign to 21st century American politics: pure, uncorrupted joy, and we were right there with her in the bar to witness it. What a shocking delight. ― Maxwell Strachan 

Gucci Mane In Iceland

If you love yourself, watch this video of Gucci Mane in Iceland. Then you should mention BET, VH1, HGTV and the Travel Channel on Twitter, and petition for him to have his own show in which he travels the world and talks about how it makes him feel. Fuck, I love Gucci so much it hurts. ― Julia Craven

World Cup Tequila Shots

Re: Korea defeating Germany, thus allowing Mexico to progress to the next round–this video of Mexican fans bumrushing the Korean embassy in Mexico City to thank the ambassador personally, and forcing him to down tequila shots is so beautiful and perfect 😂 #KORGER pic.twitter.com/E1GeZCRrlK

— Very Stable Genius (@Rantaramic) June 27, 2018

Mexico got thrashed by Sweden in its final World Cup group stage game on Wednesday, but South Korea’s improbable win over Germany allowed Mexico to advance to the next round anyway. So, after the game, Mexico fans swarmed the South Korean embassy in Mexico City, mobbed the ambassador and other consular officials, and all but forced them to do shots of tequila with them. Then they chanted, “Korean, brother, you’re Mexican now!” The videos brought me genuine joy, even though the week was otherwise mostly awful. Mexico, which has had a pretty fun ride through this World Cup so far, plays Brazil in the first round of the knockout stages on Monday morning. It’ll be worth a watch. ― Travis Waldron

New Books!

Amazon

If you want to deftly thread the needle of unplugging from the horrifying news cycle while still thinking deeply about all the political, social and economic factors that have combined to make it so horrifying, allow me to humbly suggest two electrifying debut novels that were published this month.

Confessions of the Fox by Jordy Rosenberg takes the hoary tale of an 18th century folk hero ― the infamous English pickpocket and jailbreak Jack Sheppard ― and transmogrifies it into a wildly entertaining epic featuring a trans hero and a London underworld as diverse in race and gender identity as the real 18th century London was. 

Set in Oakland, California, There There by Tommy Orange weaves together the stories of urban-dwelling Native people grappling with the consequences of white colonization that has disconnected them from their heritage. All the while, the plot builds inexorably toward a shocking conclusion. ― Claire Fallon

“Salvage Dawgs”

For anyone who wants to escape the madness of the news cycle, turn off the worrisomely relevant “Handmaid’s Tale” and flip to the DIY Network ― where you can peacefully watch Robert, Mike and the rest of their Black Dog Salvage team carefully extract architectural elements from private homes, historical properties and crumbling mills across the eastern U.S. states. I first caught on to “Salvage Dawgs” four years ago (as an HGTV fanatic), and with a new season currently airing on Sundays at 9 p.m., I’ve been thoroughly enjoying it again. ― Leigh Blickley

“Demolition Man” Nacho Fries

Taco Bell

Is it a coincidence that in “Demolition Man” ― a movie depicting a world of peace, love and Wesley Snipes with bleach-blond hair ― every restaurant is a Taco Bell? I think not. Now, in honor of the 25th anniversary of this cinematic masterpiece, in which Sylvester Stallone says “Heads up” before literally kicking Snipes’ head off his body and people clean their butts with seashells, Taco Bell is bringing “Demolition Man” nacho fries to San Diego Comic-Con. And as if this partnership could get any more perfect, the fries are supposedly free.

So even if you’re not into “Demolition Man” (but, really, who even are you?), it’s still enough to make you say, “Aw, bell yeah.” Anything else happening in your life is nacho problem. But just remember: This is still Taco Bell we’re talking about, so keep those seashells ready. ― Bill Bradley

Some Hedonistic Art

Irena Jurek

“Strawberries Wild,” 2018, acrylic, graphite, colored pencil, glitter and collage on paper.

Fuck self-care, “Alive With Pleasure!” ― a new group show at Asya Geisberg Gallery in Manhattan ― seems to suggest. These dire times require unabashed hedonism, stripped of nutrition, intention or good sense. Curated by Irena Jurek, the exhibition takes its name from the playfully seductive Newport cigarette ads from the ’70s and ’80s. The works on view ― by artists including Caroline Chandler Wells, Raúl de Nieves and Melissa Brown ― are united by an excessive energy that oozes from their materials, style, palette and subject matter. Strawberry orgies, sprinting nipples, smoking birthday cakes and rainbow horses with serious BDE populate the gallery space, manifestations of self-indulgence far more strange and satisfying than bubble baths and goat yoga. ― Priscilla Frank

Kieran Culkin In “Succession”

Listen, I do not know how I feel about “Succession” on the whole. It is a longish HBO show filled with rich white men whose business dick swagger is very sad emoji, pretty frightening and a little funny. But I do know how I feel about Kieran Culkin in “Succession,” and that is that Kieran Culkin in “Succession” is very hot. He is the media conglomerate sex idiot I never knew I needed. He is the entitled son of a Rupert Murdoch avatar that I would otherwise hate if he weren’t so good at sick sibling burns and fast talking. He is Igby Slocumb, if Igby had just gone ahead and Jeff Goldblum-ed himself. That scene where Kieran Culkin in “Succession” is wiping his own semen off the window of his high-rise office window is exactly how I imagine Wall Street Men behave, so maybe this is a documentary. I don’t know. Watch it for Kieran. ― Katherine Brooks

Music For Your Ears

It’s always been difficult to get a handle on Deerhoof’s noise pop. It’s both artful and art-damaged, heavy metal and wistfully melodic. On a recent episode of the great podcast “Essential Tremors,” drummer Greg Saunier explains at length how the band’s sound is rooted in an unlikely source: Burt Bacharach’s orchestral pop. Saunier is a captivating storyteller, unwinding his tale much like his band’s twisty songs bouncing from a nostalgic remembrance of his mom’s love of soft rock to dissecting the essential genius of the 1968 hit “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” to karaoke singing. “People have rarely agreed with me on this, but I pretty much think of Deerhoof as being a soft-rock band,” Saunier said. ― Jason Cherkis

Freaky people, clap your hands! You’ll hear that command on “The Now Now,” the latest LP from sprightly synth cartoon band Gorillaz. We could use a freaky handclap or two right now, especially if it’s filtered through baroque bops like “Humility” (a summer jam if there ever was one) and “Magic City.” This album? It’s sunshine in a bag. ― Matthew Jacobs

A Movie About Aliens

This week I’m all over “How to Talk to Girls at Parties.” Don’t be fooled by the “Dude, Where’s My Car?”-esque name, this is an entirely precious, entirely new, entirely weird movie about growing into love in the most outlandish of circumstances. Enn is a punk boy in the ’70s who likes nothing more than scaring old ladies on his beat-up old bike and eating tomatoes that grow in the sewer, but his life gets shaken up when he meets Zan, an alien girl from a clan of introverted extraterrestrials touring Earth. I loved the subversion of expectation, like when he leans in to kiss her and she vomits on him. Somehow this is still cute. Elle Fanning is a great alien, and Nicole Kidman makes an appearance as an aged punk, which is worth it just to see her done up in the requisite 3 inches of eyeliner. The special effects are really campy and kind of jarring, but fun if you just go with it. And Mitski (!) even makes an appearance on the soundtrack to round it all out. Upon watching it, my mother said, “What in God’s name did you just show me?” Great fun. ― Anna Krakowsky

Maeve On “Westworld”

The best thing for me this week was, hands down, the subtle power of Thandie Newtown’s performance as Maeve on the Season 2 finale of “Westworld.” There’s this one, glorious shot of her toward the end of the episode, defiantly using her powers to hold off a horde of crazed hosts in order to protect her daughter. It’s brilliant on many levels, foremost because it’s the instant where the show fully crystalizes something that, all season, it had only been half-committed to acknowledging: Maeve is basically every black woman who has had to save herself (and everyone else) because no one else would. In light of the dumpster fire that has been this week and quite frankly this entire year, there’s something cathartic in seeing that visual metaphor on screen. ― Zeba Blay

The Passionate Experts On “Ologies”

My evergreen podcast recommendation this summer has been “Ologies,” a delightful science series. Each episode features a different expert, or -ologist, who can expound on all the cool shit to do with topics including death, birds, fear, squids, even postcards (!!!). Host Alie Ward is a true delight and basically asks all the weird questions I’d want to ask. It’s educational without feeling too heavy. Listening to people who are passionate about things is kind of the best thing? I’ve yet to come across a dud episode, and there are nearly 40 in the back catalog to work through on your journeys this summer — or simply your journey ~through life~. ― Jillian Capewell

And Finally, This Photo

received a very promising tip today pic.twitter.com/UaAJGwoVWz

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) June 28, 2018

This photograph was DMed to me by a stranger with absolutely no words or explanation. It is beautiful and makes me want to die, which is all you can really hope for with art. ― Ashley Feinberg

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Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft

It's hard to evaluate success for an NBA head coach. Wins and losses are far from a sufficient measuring stick. On-court success is obviously nice, but so is player development, the groundwork of a scheme that fits its personnel like a tailored tuxedo, adoption of modern principles, intelligent strategy, and so on.

In many cases, coaches implement, solidify, and steer the franchise's culture. They’re graded on expectations, temperament, communication skills, consistency, and execution. They’re teachers and thinkers, and even with all the data that’s available to analyze every game, possession by possession, disentangling a coach's struggle and strengths from the roster’s talent—or lack thereof—is basically impossible.

In this business perception often still rules the day, for better or worse. We know who the good coaches are, but ranking them against one another is a particularly subjective task because there’s no baseline. (In The Book of Erik Spoelstra, for example, any disillusionment his current team endures is merely a footnote; there’s no separating him from his journey to the Basketball Hall of Fame, and that makes just about any form of criticism extremely difficult, polluted by caveats that are scribbled in the margin.)

For this exercise, we’ve drifted into an alternate reality where the league’s 14 worst teams are able to “draft” a new head coach. Setting aside the fact that all 30 franchises would not want to participate, it’s hypothetical enjoyment that lets us imagine how different coaches fit into different situations.

The teams are listed by what their draft order would be if the season ended Monday morning. From there, each organization chooses from a pool that includes just about anyone (except their current coach) who’s held an NBA head coaching job in the last 10 years, basing it off who they’d want on their sideline from this point forward. Everything is taking into account, from ownership to the front office to their cap situation to the roster to where they currently stand in their timeline. (Gregg Popovich is the best coach alive, but would you want him to take over a lengthy rebuild?)

Any questions? Great! With all that out of the way, let the fun begin!

1. Chicago Bulls: Brad Stevens

Photo by Bob DeChiara - USA TODAY Sports

Brad Stevens is the best coach in all of basketball (non-Popovich edition). His unparalleled success at Butler has since carried over into the NBA, where the Boston Celtics have increased their win total by at least five games in his first four seasons and are on track to do the same this year (58 wins would do the trick; according to FiveThirtyEight that’s the exact number they’re projected to reach).

He accentuates strengths in players who, for all intents and purposes, were left for dead. Evan Turner crawled into Boston an NBA vagabond after having been buried on the Indiana Pacers—an offensive liability whose inability to hit threes turned him into a DVD player the same day Netflix revealed their own streaming service. He walked out with a four-year, $70 million contract. Isaiah Thomas went from Lou Williams to Nate Archibald. Jae Crowder morphed into a critical trade chip. This isn’t all because of Stevens, but the trend isn’t a coincidence.

Al Horford and Gordon Hayward left reputable institutions to play for Stevens. His name is synonymous with winning in unexpected, disciplined, and principled ways. Now picture him rebuilding in Chicago, where there’s already far more young talent than he had growing up with the Celtics.

Lauri Markkanen, Kris Dunn (who’s finally starting to show what he can do now that the ball is in his hands), and Zach LaVine are, potentially, an explosive trio. Throw in their incoming lottery pick and a fortuitous cap sheet, and all of a sudden the Bulls could be back in business as a reputable opponent.

So many of Chicago’s problems over the past couple years have been tied to malignant ownership and a front office that’s more interested in keeping their jobs than anything else. Stevens will not be able to singlehandedly turn those negatives into a good thing, but with whatever players he’s supplied on the court, there’s an almost definite likelihood that he squeezes more from them than anybody else can.

2. Atlanta Hawks: Erik Spoelstra

There’s really no motivation for Atlanta to want a new coach. Mike Budenholzer is perfectly fine, and engineered one of the most magical campaigns in recent NBA history. But for this exercise he has to go. In his place it’d be a delight to see what Erik Spoelstra could do with a roster that’s mid-renovation and prioritizing long-term opulence over present-day mediocrity.

There’s really not much criticism that can be directed Bud’s way, but it’d also be interesting to see how Spoelstra would not only shepherd Atlanta’s rebuild and carry over the guiding creed so long followed in Miami, but also utilize today’s roster. This team isn’t trying to win right now, but developing Taurean Prince’s playmaking ability and reverting Kent Bazemore back to the play-finisher he once was instead of the play-creator he’s masquerading as, would be smart.

It’d be cool to see how aggressive on the defensive end Atlanta would be. This team is already forcing a ton of turnovers and bringing bigs up to double ball screens more than most teams, but would Spoelstra ratchet that up even more? The guys in Atlanta don’t have the same supernova explosion on the defensive end that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James did during Miami’s peak years invading passing lanes, but Prince, Bazemore, John Collins, and Dennis Schroder can all create havoc when dialed in and executing a rabid scheme.

In the end, Spoelstra’s X’s and O’s aren’t the primary reason he gets the nod above every other coach in the league. Fair or not, there’s a comfort level in knowing your coach has been to the mountain top, seen it all, knows what it takes to get there, and won’t panic once the roster’s talent catches up to his own IQ. He’s a phenomenal leader whose players don’t take possessions off, and the Hawks would be set up in a terrific position with him as the face of their franchise for the foreseeable future.

3. Dallas Mavericks: Mike D’Antoni

Rick Carlisle has had an incredible decade-long run with the Mavericks. He’s constructed an impenetrable reputation and the right to coach for as long as he wants. But, as we’ll detail later on, Dallas has adopted a snail’s pace in recent years. Some of this is due to factors Carlisle can’t control, but there are players on that roster who would benefit from less micromanagement.

Assuming he’d be able to do whatever he wants, Mike D’Antoni is an ideal elixir. Dennis Smith Jr. is dying to be unleashed in an uptempo, spread pick-and-roll offense that features Nerlens Noel at the five and Harrison Barnes at the four. On the rare occasion he’s allowed to zip up the floor off an opponent’s made basket, a burgeoning star materializes with his most appealing traits.

D’Antoni has worked with some of the greatest point guards in history. Smith Jr. isn’t near that plane, but pairing him with a revolutionary genius would do wonders for his career, and jump start a sludgy attack that continues to fizzle.

4. Sacramento Kings: Jason Kidd

Photo by Kelley L. Cox - USA TODAY Sports

This is an odd (almost definitely incorrect) choice for a variety of reasons, but hear me out. Sacramento is in the basement of a colossal rebuild that’s nearly a generation in the making. They’re so far from where they need/want to be and regular playoff appearances feel, at the very least, like they’re at least half a decade away.

From that standpoint, skipping steps would be a major mistake, and ensuring that De’Aaron Fox can be the crème de la crème of his loaded draft class should be a focal point.

Kidd is not one of the 20 best coaches in the league—though that says more about how awesome NBA coaches are right now than his own shortcomings—and the defensive system he’s implanted in Milwaukee is riddled with rudimentary holes that could lead upper management to eventually make a change. But let’s throw him in this pressure-less environment and see what he does with Fox.

Kidd deserves some credit for Giannis Antetokounmpo's evolution and can’t be blamed for Jabari Parker’s knee injuries. It sounds dramatic, but Sacramento’s future will either hold strong or shatter depending on how Fox develops; even though there are a dozen superior names that can be thrown into this conversation, the logic in selecting Kidd is (sort of/maybe not) sound.

5. Memphis Grizzlies: Tom Thibodeau

It’s impossible to choose someone for this team, given how rudderless and confused they appear to be. But whether Memphis is gung-ho about resuscitating the Grit N’ Grind era until neither Marc Gasol nor Mike Conley can walk, or have finally embraced reality and the need to build from the ground up, Thibodeau feels like someone who’ll commit himself to either timeline with tireless energy and a tried-and-true ideology.

(Also, it's really hard to stop people in today's NBA without length on the perimeter. Minnesota's lack of depth on the wing, plus Karl-Anthony Towns' growing pains as a defensive anchor, help explain the Timberwolves' woes on that end more than any fault in Thibodeau's message.)

6. Phoenix Suns: Luke Walton

Walton is a dark-horse Coach of the Year candidate who’s convinced young players to buy into roles that were probably smaller than they expected, and had a hand in Luol Deng’s benching—the type of move that could, if handled poorly, sidetrack a growing team.

Things aren’t perfect in Los Angeles, but by all accounts Walton is a terrific communicator who’s hard on his pups without deflating their confidence. And even though he’s experienced winning at the highest level, both as a player and coach, Walton is patient enough to go through a rebuild the right way, without cutting corners—which is something a coach ultimately can’t help, more often than not.

Block out their owner from this discussion as best you can and the Suns have a genuinely promising future! Devin Booker is good enough to win a scoring title at some point, Josh Jackson has unteachable two-way tenacity, vision, and bounce, and Dragan Bender (who turned 20 three weeks ago!) is full of potential that stretches beyond his ability to knock down corner threes. It makes sense to pair them with a coach who can be in it for the long haul.

7. Los Angeles Lakers: Steve Kerr

The Lakers’ surprising youth movement has momentarily diverted our attention away from their ambitious summer plans. Walton is perfectly fine, but bring Steve Kerr into those meetings and your chance of acquiring Paul George, DeMarcus Cousins, or LeBron James makes a substantial leap.

The Lakers may not land any of those All-Stars in July, but they will get someone. Couple that with Brandon Ingram’s pending stardom, Lonzo Ball existing as a helpful cog whose shot will—more likely than not—come around, and Kyle Kuzma's Hall of Fame resume, and L.A. can accelerate its timeline with savvy use of the trade market at a moment's notice. Overnight championship contention is a setting Kerr obviously knows how to handle.

8. Los Angeles Clippers: David Fizdale

Fizdale didn’t have enough time in Memphis to build up a profile or display a standalone identity, but his attempt to usher the Grizzlies into the 21st Century did not go unnoticed. Neither did his infamous, merch-spawning soliloquy during last year’s playoffs. Fizdale should still have a job and be given the opportunity to chaperone a team through tough times. The Clippers are about to experience just that, and selecting a smart home-town product who’d help them on the court (and possibly in free agency) would be a win-win for all involved.

9. Brooklyn Nets: Brett Brown

Photo by Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

From a stylistic perspective, there’s little difference between how the Nets are approaching their rebuild and what Brown did before he had genuine NBA talent to work with. They attack in transition and launch a ton of threes. It's smart basketball.

Brown and Nets general manager Sean Marks both sprouted from San Antonio’s tree, so this makes sense for no other reason than they’d be on the same page with an understanding of how to play intelligently on a night-to-night basis even with inconsistent results.

10. Charlotte Hornets: Rick Carlisle

When healthy, the Hornets have enough win-now talent to crash parties, and even though no club in the last three years has sniffed the same amount of time attacking in the half court as Carlisle’s Mavs (as opposed to running in transition), plopping him into a Dirk Nowitzki-Free environment where he can focus on adapting more contemporary concepts that enhance a splendid dynamo like Kemba Walker, could be interesting. The Hornets have a funky roster that isn’t ideal, but Carlisle is still a mastermind who’d find ways to set up mismatches all over the floor with an intriguing cast of characters.

11. Orlando Magic: Quin Snyder

Orlando is perpetually hopeless and somehow has the second-worst defense in the entire NBA. No coach stands out as a good match for what they've got going on, but it’d be fascinating to see how an ingenious tactician like Snyder would use Aaron Gordon—how about experimenting with him at the five?—or whether he’d be able to instill any sort of confidence in someone like Mario Hezonja.

The Magic should be better on both ends than they currently are, and Snyder, in my opinion, is one of the five smartest minds in the league. If anyone can turn things around down there, it's him.

12. Oklahoma City Thunder: Gregg Popovich

I've already said this at least twice, but here goes again: Popovich is the best coach in basketball. But, frankly, given his scroll of accomplishments and the stage of this Mt. Rushmore run he’s on, it’d be irrational to throw him on any roster that isn’t ready to compete for a championship right now.

The Thunder have enough talent to pierce the championship contender conversation, but as currently constituted lack the proper restraint. Getting Carmelo Anthony to come off the bench and not take out his frustration with diminished effort is much easier said than done. Calling timeout to publicly chew out Russell Westbrook for taking a terrible shot instead of passing the ball to Alex Abrines would be unheard of.

Photo by Soobum Im - USA TODAY Sports

But these are things the Thunder probably need right now. Few people alive have the clout and stature to pull it off. Pop sits atop that list.

13. Miami Heat: Terry Stotts

A cultural shift for sure. Stotts’s defenses in Portland have been some of the most conservative in the league, while Miami—personnel pending—is so dauntless on the perimeter. Beyond that, Stotts is just a really smart guy who belongs somewhere on this list. He isn't afraid to get experimental and is more analytically-inclined than most. I'm actually not sure how good a fit Stotts is with Miami's current roster, but feel like there's enough offensive talent (particularly with Kelly Olynyk at the five) for him to cook.

14. New York Knicks: Stan Van Gundy

It’d be fun to see how Van Gundy—a top-10 head coach whose team magically started to play better after his starting point guard became healthy—maximizes Kristaps Porzingis. He's had three traditional franchise bigs in each of his three stops (Shaquille O'Neal, Dwight Howard, and Andre Drummond). Porzingis is the opposite of conventional, and would encourage more creativity from one of the league's most expressive personalities. The Knicks (and their media contingent) would be happy to have him.

Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft

It’s hard to evaluate success for an NBA head coach. Wins and losses are far from a sufficient measuring stick. On-court success is obviously nice, but so is player development, the groundwork of a scheme that fits its personnel like a tailored tuxedo, adoption of modern principles, intelligent strategy, and so on.

In many cases, coaches implement, solidify, and steer the franchise’s culture. They’re graded on expectations, temperament, communication skills, consistency, and execution. They’re teachers and thinkers, and even with all the data that’s available to analyze every game, possession by possession, disentangling a coach’s struggle and strengths from the roster’s talent—or lack thereof—is basically impossible.

In this business perception often still rules the day, for better or worse. We know who the good coaches are, but ranking them against one another is a particularly subjective task because there’s no baseline. (In The Book of Erik Spoelstra, for example, any disillusionment his current team endures is merely a footnote; there’s no separating him from his journey to the Basketball Hall of Fame, and that makes just about any form of criticism extremely difficult, polluted by caveats that are scribbled in the margin.)

For this exercise, we’ve drifted into an alternate reality where the league’s 14 worst teams are able to “draft” a new head coach. Setting aside the fact that all 30 franchises would not want to participate, it’s hypothetical enjoyment that lets us imagine how different coaches fit into different situations.

The teams are listed by what their draft order would be if the season ended Monday morning. From there, each organization chooses from a pool that includes just about anyone (except their current coach) who’s held an NBA head coaching job in the last 10 years, basing it off who they’d want on their sideline from this point forward. Everything is taking into account, from ownership to the front office to their cap situation to the roster to where they currently stand in their timeline. (Gregg Popovich is the best coach alive, but would you want him to take over a lengthy rebuild?)

Any questions? Great! With all that out of the way, let the fun begin!

1. Chicago Bulls: Brad Stevens

Photo by Bob DeChiara – USA TODAY Sports

Brad Stevens is the best coach in all of basketball (non-Popovich edition). His unparalleled success at Butler has since carried over into the NBA, where the Boston Celtics have increased their win total by at least five games in his first four seasons and are on track to do the same this year (58 wins would do the trick; according to FiveThirtyEight that’s the exact number they’re projected to reach).

He accentuates strengths in players who, for all intents and purposes, were left for dead. Evan Turner crawled into Boston an NBA vagabond after having been buried on the Indiana Pacers—an offensive liability whose inability to hit threes turned him into a DVD player the same day Netflix revealed their own streaming service. He walked out with a four-year, $70 million contract. Isaiah Thomas went from Lou Williams to Nate Archibald. Jae Crowder morphed into a critical trade chip. This isn’t all because of Stevens, but the trend isn’t a coincidence.

Al Horford and Gordon Hayward left reputable institutions to play for Stevens. His name is synonymous with winning in unexpected, disciplined, and principled ways. Now picture him rebuilding in Chicago, where there’s already far more young talent than he had growing up with the Celtics.

Lauri Markkanen, Kris Dunn (who’s finally starting to show what he can do now that the ball is in his hands), and Zach LaVine are, potentially, an explosive trio. Throw in their incoming lottery pick and a fortuitous cap sheet, and all of a sudden the Bulls could be back in business as a reputable opponent.

So many of Chicago’s problems over the past couple years have been tied to malignant ownership and a front office that’s more interested in keeping their jobs than anything else. Stevens will not be able to singlehandedly turn those negatives into a good thing, but with whatever players he’s supplied on the court, there’s an almost definite likelihood that he squeezes more from them than anybody else can.

2. Atlanta Hawks: Erik Spoelstra

There’s really no motivation for Atlanta to want a new coach. Mike Budenholzer is perfectly fine, and engineered one of the most magical campaigns in recent NBA history. But for this exercise he has to go. In his place it’d be a delight to see what Erik Spoelstra could do with a roster that’s mid-renovation and prioritizing long-term opulence over present-day mediocrity.

There’s really not much criticism that can be directed Bud’s way, but it’d also be interesting to see how Spoelstra would not only shepherd Atlanta’s rebuild and carry over the guiding creed so long followed in Miami, but also utilize today’s roster. This team isn’t trying to win right now, but developing Taurean Prince’s playmaking ability and reverting Kent Bazemore back to the play-finisher he once was instead of the play-creator he’s masquerading as, would be smart.

It’d be cool to see how aggressive on the defensive end Atlanta would be. This team is already forcing a ton of turnovers and bringing bigs up to double ball screens more than most teams, but would Spoelstra ratchet that up even more? The guys in Atlanta don’t have the same supernova explosion on the defensive end that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James did during Miami’s peak years invading passing lanes, but Prince, Bazemore, John Collins, and Dennis Schroder can all create havoc when dialed in and executing a rabid scheme.

In the end, Spoelstra’s X’s and O’s aren’t the primary reason he gets the nod above every other coach in the league. Fair or not, there’s a comfort level in knowing your coach has been to the mountain top, seen it all, knows what it takes to get there, and won’t panic once the roster’s talent catches up to his own IQ. He’s a phenomenal leader whose players don’t take possessions off, and the Hawks would be set up in a terrific position with him as the face of their franchise for the foreseeable future.

3. Dallas Mavericks: Mike D’Antoni

Rick Carlisle has had an incredible decade-long run with the Mavericks. He’s constructed an impenetrable reputation and the right to coach for as long as he wants. But, as we’ll detail later on, Dallas has adopted a snail’s pace in recent years. Some of this is due to factors Carlisle can’t control, but there are players on that roster who would benefit from less micromanagement.

Assuming he’d be able to do whatever he wants, Mike D’Antoni is an ideal elixir. Dennis Smith Jr. is dying to be unleashed in an uptempo, spread pick-and-roll offense that features Nerlens Noel at the five and Harrison Barnes at the four. On the rare occasion he’s allowed to zip up the floor off an opponent’s made basket, a burgeoning star materializes with his most appealing traits.

D’Antoni has worked with some of the greatest point guards in history. Smith Jr. isn’t near that plane, but pairing him with a revolutionary genius would do wonders for his career, and jump start a sludgy attack that continues to fizzle.

4. Sacramento Kings: Jason Kidd

Photo by Kelley L. Cox – USA TODAY Sports

This is an odd (almost definitely incorrect) choice for a variety of reasons, but hear me out. Sacramento is in the basement of a colossal rebuild that’s nearly a generation in the making. They’re so far from where they need/want to be and regular playoff appearances feel, at the very least, like they’re at least half a decade away.

From that standpoint, skipping steps would be a major mistake, and ensuring that De’Aaron Fox can be the crème de la crème of his loaded draft class should be a focal point.

Kidd is not one of the 20 best coaches in the league—though that says more about how awesome NBA coaches are right now than his own shortcomings—and the defensive system he’s implanted in Milwaukee is riddled with rudimentary holes that could lead upper management to eventually make a change. But let’s throw him in this pressure-less environment and see what he does with Fox.

Kidd deserves some credit for Giannis Antetokounmpo’s evolution and can’t be blamed for Jabari Parker’s knee injuries. It sounds dramatic, but Sacramento’s future will either hold strong or shatter depending on how Fox develops; even though there are a dozen superior names that can be thrown into this conversation, the logic in selecting Kidd is (sort of/maybe not) sound.

5. Memphis Grizzlies: Tom Thibodeau

It’s impossible to choose someone for this team, given how rudderless and confused they appear to be. But whether Memphis is gung-ho about resuscitating the Grit N’ Grind era until neither Marc Gasol nor Mike Conley can walk, or have finally embraced reality and the need to build from the ground up, Thibodeau feels like someone who’ll commit himself to either timeline with tireless energy and a tried-and-true ideology.

(Also, it’s really hard to stop people in today’s NBA without length on the perimeter. Minnesota’s lack of depth on the wing, plus Karl-Anthony Towns’ growing pains as a defensive anchor, help explain the Timberwolves’ woes on that end more than any fault in Thibodeau’s message.)

6. Phoenix Suns: Luke Walton

Walton is a dark-horse Coach of the Year candidate who’s convinced young players to buy into roles that were probably smaller than they expected, and had a hand in Luol Deng’s benching—the type of move that could, if handled poorly, sidetrack a growing team.

Things aren’t perfect in Los Angeles, but by all accounts Walton is a terrific communicator who’s hard on his pups without deflating their confidence. And even though he’s experienced winning at the highest level, both as a player and coach, Walton is patient enough to go through a rebuild the right way, without cutting corners—which is something a coach ultimately can’t help, more often than not.

Block out their owner from this discussion as best you can and the Suns have a genuinely promising future! Devin Booker is good enough to win a scoring title at some point, Josh Jackson has unteachable two-way tenacity, vision, and bounce, and Dragan Bender (who turned 20 three weeks ago!) is full of potential that stretches beyond his ability to knock down corner threes. It makes sense to pair them with a coach who can be in it for the long haul.

7. Los Angeles Lakers: Steve Kerr

The Lakers’ surprising youth movement has momentarily diverted our attention away from their ambitious summer plans. Walton is perfectly fine, but bring Steve Kerr into those meetings and your chance of acquiring Paul George, DeMarcus Cousins, or LeBron James makes a substantial leap.

The Lakers may not land any of those All-Stars in July, but they will get someone. Couple that with Brandon Ingram’s pending stardom, Lonzo Ball existing as a helpful cog whose shot will—more likely than not—come around, and Kyle Kuzma’s Hall of Fame resume, and L.A. can accelerate its timeline with savvy use of the trade market at a moment’s notice. Overnight championship contention is a setting Kerr obviously knows how to handle.

8. Los Angeles Clippers: David Fizdale

Fizdale didn’t have enough time in Memphis to build up a profile or display a standalone identity, but his attempt to usher the Grizzlies into the 21st Century did not go unnoticed. Neither did his infamous, merch-spawning soliloquy during last year’s playoffs. Fizdale should still have a job and be given the opportunity to chaperone a team through tough times. The Clippers are about to experience just that, and selecting a smart home-town product who’d help them on the court (and possibly in free agency) would be a win-win for all involved.

9. Brooklyn Nets: Brett Brown

Photo by Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

From a stylistic perspective, there’s little difference between how the Nets are approaching their rebuild and what Brown did before he had genuine NBA talent to work with. They attack in transition and launch a ton of threes. It’s smart basketball.

Brown and Nets general manager Sean Marks both sprouted from San Antonio’s tree, so this makes sense for no other reason than they’d be on the same page with an understanding of how to play intelligently on a night-to-night basis even with inconsistent results.

10. Charlotte Hornets: Rick Carlisle

When healthy, the Hornets have enough win-now talent to crash parties, and even though no club in the last three years has sniffed the same amount of time attacking in the half court as Carlisle’s Mavs (as opposed to running in transition), plopping him into a Dirk Nowitzki-Free environment where he can focus on adapting more contemporary concepts that enhance a splendid dynamo like Kemba Walker, could be interesting. The Hornets have a funky roster that isn’t ideal, but Carlisle is still a mastermind who’d find ways to set up mismatches all over the floor with an intriguing cast of characters.

11. Orlando Magic: Quin Snyder

Orlando is perpetually hopeless and somehow has the second-worst defense in the entire NBA. No coach stands out as a good match for what they’ve got going on, but it’d be fascinating to see how an ingenious tactician like Snyder would use Aaron Gordon—how about experimenting with him at the five?—or whether he’d be able to instill any sort of confidence in someone like Mario Hezonja.

The Magic should be better on both ends than they currently are, and Snyder, in my opinion, is one of the five smartest minds in the league. If anyone can turn things around down there, it’s him.

12. Oklahoma City Thunder: Gregg Popovich

I’ve already said this at least twice, but here goes again: Popovich is the best coach in basketball. But, frankly, given his scroll of accomplishments and the stage of this Mt. Rushmore run he’s on, it’d be irrational to throw him on any roster that isn’t ready to compete for a championship right now.

The Thunder have enough talent to pierce the championship contender conversation, but as currently constituted lack the proper restraint. Getting Carmelo Anthony to come off the bench and not take out his frustration with diminished effort is much easier said than done. Calling timeout to publicly chew out Russell Westbrook for taking a terrible shot instead of passing the ball to Alex Abrines would be unheard of.

Photo by Soobum Im – USA TODAY Sports

But these are things the Thunder probably need right now. Few people alive have the clout and stature to pull it off. Pop sits atop that list.

13. Miami Heat: Terry Stotts

A cultural shift for sure. Stotts’s defenses in Portland have been some of the most conservative in the league, while Miami—personnel pending—is so dauntless on the perimeter. Beyond that, Stotts is just a really smart guy who belongs somewhere on this list. He isn’t afraid to get experimental and is more analytically-inclined than most. I’m actually not sure how good a fit Stotts is with Miami’s current roster, but feel like there’s enough offensive talent (particularly with Kelly Olynyk at the five) for him to cook.

14. New York Knicks: Stan Van Gundy

It’d be fun to see how Van Gundy—a top-10 head coach whose team magically started to play better after his starting point guard became healthy—maximizes Kristaps Porzingis. He’s had three traditional franchise bigs in each of his three stops (Shaquille O’Neal, Dwight Howard, and Andre Drummond). Porzingis is the opposite of conventional, and would encourage more creativity from one of the league’s most expressive personalities. The Knicks (and their media contingent) would be happy to have him.

Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft

It's hard to evaluate success for an NBA head coach. Wins and losses are far from a sufficient measuring stick. On-court success is obviously nice, but so is player development, the groundwork of a scheme that fits its personnel like a tailored tuxedo, adoption of modern principles, intelligent strategy, and so on.

In many cases, coaches implement, solidify, and steer the franchise's culture. They’re graded on expectations, temperament, communication skills, consistency, and execution. They’re teachers and thinkers, and even with all the data that’s available to analyze every game, possession by possession, disentangling a coach's struggle and strengths from the roster’s talent—or lack thereof—is basically impossible.

In this business perception often still rules the day, for better or worse. We know who the good coaches are, but ranking them against one another is a particularly subjective task because there’s no baseline. (In The Book of Erik Spoelstra, for example, any disillusionment his current team endures is merely a footnote; there’s no separating him from his journey to the Basketball Hall of Fame, and that makes just about any form of criticism extremely difficult, polluted by caveats that are scribbled in the margin.)

For this exercise, we’ve drifted into an alternate reality where the league’s 14 worst teams are able to “draft” a new head coach. Setting aside the fact that all 30 franchises would not want to participate, it’s hypothetical enjoyment that lets us imagine how different coaches fit into different situations.

The teams are listed by what their draft order would be if the season ended Monday morning. From there, each organization chooses from a pool that includes just about anyone (except their current coach) who’s held an NBA head coaching job in the last 10 years, basing it off who they’d want on their sideline from this point forward. Everything is taking into account, from ownership to the front office to their cap situation to the roster to where they currently stand in their timeline. (Gregg Popovich is the best coach alive, but would you want him to take over a lengthy rebuild?)

Any questions? Great! With all that out of the way, let the fun begin!

1. Chicago Bulls: Brad Stevens

Photo by Bob DeChiara - USA TODAY Sports

Brad Stevens is the best coach in all of basketball (non-Popovich edition). His unparalleled success at Butler has since carried over into the NBA, where the Boston Celtics have increased their win total by at least five games in his first four seasons and are on track to do the same this year (58 wins would do the trick; according to FiveThirtyEight that’s the exact number they’re projected to reach).

He accentuates strengths in players who, for all intents and purposes, were left for dead. Evan Turner crawled into Boston an NBA vagabond after having been buried on the Indiana Pacers—an offensive liability whose inability to hit threes turned him into a DVD player the same day Netflix revealed their own streaming service. He walked out with a four-year, $70 million contract. Isaiah Thomas went from Lou Williams to Nate Archibald. Jae Crowder morphed into a critical trade chip. This isn’t all because of Stevens, but the trend isn’t a coincidence.

Al Horford and Gordon Hayward left reputable institutions to play for Stevens. His name is synonymous with winning in unexpected, disciplined, and principled ways. Now picture him rebuilding in Chicago, where there’s already far more young talent than he had growing up with the Celtics.

Lauri Markkanen, Kris Dunn (who’s finally starting to show what he can do now that the ball is in his hands), and Zach LaVine are, potentially, an explosive trio. Throw in their incoming lottery pick and a fortuitous cap sheet, and all of a sudden the Bulls could be back in business as a reputable opponent.

So many of Chicago’s problems over the past couple years have been tied to malignant ownership and a front office that’s more interested in keeping their jobs than anything else. Stevens will not be able to singlehandedly turn those negatives into a good thing, but with whatever players he’s supplied on the court, there’s an almost definite likelihood that he squeezes more from them than anybody else can.

2. Atlanta Hawks: Erik Spoelstra

There’s really no motivation for Atlanta to want a new coach. Mike Budenholzer is perfectly fine, and engineered one of the most magical campaigns in recent NBA history. But for this exercise he has to go. In his place it’d be a delight to see what Erik Spoelstra could do with a roster that’s mid-renovation and prioritizing long-term opulence over present-day mediocrity.

There’s really not much criticism that can be directed Bud’s way, but it’d also be interesting to see how Spoelstra would not only shepherd Atlanta’s rebuild and carry over the guiding creed so long followed in Miami, but also utilize today’s roster. This team isn’t trying to win right now, but developing Taurean Prince’s playmaking ability and reverting Kent Bazemore back to the play-finisher he once was instead of the play-creator he’s masquerading as, would be smart.

It’d be cool to see how aggressive on the defensive end Atlanta would be. This team is already forcing a ton of turnovers and bringing bigs up to double ball screens more than most teams, but would Spoelstra ratchet that up even more? The guys in Atlanta don’t have the same supernova explosion on the defensive end that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James did during Miami’s peak years invading passing lanes, but Prince, Bazemore, John Collins, and Dennis Schroder can all create havoc when dialed in and executing a rabid scheme.

In the end, Spoelstra’s X’s and O’s aren’t the primary reason he gets the nod above every other coach in the league. Fair or not, there’s a comfort level in knowing your coach has been to the mountain top, seen it all, knows what it takes to get there, and won’t panic once the roster’s talent catches up to his own IQ. He’s a phenomenal leader whose players don’t take possessions off, and the Hawks would be set up in a terrific position with him as the face of their franchise for the foreseeable future.

3. Dallas Mavericks: Mike D’Antoni

Rick Carlisle has had an incredible decade-long run with the Mavericks. He’s constructed an impenetrable reputation and the right to coach for as long as he wants. But, as we’ll detail later on, Dallas has adopted a snail’s pace in recent years. Some of this is due to factors Carlisle can’t control, but there are players on that roster who would benefit from less micromanagement.

Assuming he’d be able to do whatever he wants, Mike D’Antoni is an ideal elixir. Dennis Smith Jr. is dying to be unleashed in an uptempo, spread pick-and-roll offense that features Nerlens Noel at the five and Harrison Barnes at the four. On the rare occasion he’s allowed to zip up the floor off an opponent’s made basket, a burgeoning star materializes with his most appealing traits.

D’Antoni has worked with some of the greatest point guards in history. Smith Jr. isn’t near that plane, but pairing him with a revolutionary genius would do wonders for his career, and jump start a sludgy attack that continues to fizzle.

4. Sacramento Kings: Jason Kidd

Photo by Kelley L. Cox - USA TODAY Sports

This is an odd (almost definitely incorrect) choice for a variety of reasons, but hear me out. Sacramento is in the basement of a colossal rebuild that’s nearly a generation in the making. They’re so far from where they need/want to be and regular playoff appearances feel, at the very least, like they’re at least half a decade away.

From that standpoint, skipping steps would be a major mistake, and ensuring that De’Aaron Fox can be the crème de la crème of his loaded draft class should be a focal point.

Kidd is not one of the 20 best coaches in the league—though that says more about how awesome NBA coaches are right now than his own shortcomings—and the defensive system he’s implanted in Milwaukee is riddled with rudimentary holes that could lead upper management to eventually make a change. But let’s throw him in this pressure-less environment and see what he does with Fox.

Kidd deserves some credit for Giannis Antetokounmpo's evolution and can’t be blamed for Jabari Parker’s knee injuries. It sounds dramatic, but Sacramento’s future will either hold strong or shatter depending on how Fox develops; even though there are a dozen superior names that can be thrown into this conversation, the logic in selecting Kidd is (sort of/maybe not) sound.

5. Memphis Grizzlies: Tom Thibodeau

It’s impossible to choose someone for this team, given how rudderless and confused they appear to be. But whether Memphis is gung-ho about resuscitating the Grit N’ Grind era until neither Marc Gasol nor Mike Conley can walk, or have finally embraced reality and the need to build from the ground up, Thibodeau feels like someone who’ll commit himself to either timeline with tireless energy and a tried-and-true ideology.

(Also, it's really hard to stop people in today's NBA without length on the perimeter. Minnesota's lack of depth on the wing, plus Karl-Anthony Towns' growing pains as a defensive anchor, help explain the Timberwolves' woes on that end more than any fault in Thibodeau's message.)

6. Phoenix Suns: Luke Walton

Walton is a dark-horse Coach of the Year candidate who’s convinced young players to buy into roles that were probably smaller than they expected, and had a hand in Luol Deng’s benching—the type of move that could, if handled poorly, sidetrack a growing team.

Things aren’t perfect in Los Angeles, but by all accounts Walton is a terrific communicator who’s hard on his pups without deflating their confidence. And even though he’s experienced winning at the highest level, both as a player and coach, Walton is patient enough to go through a rebuild the right way, without cutting corners—which is something a coach ultimately can’t help, more often than not.

Block out their owner from this discussion as best you can and the Suns have a genuinely promising future! Devin Booker is good enough to win a scoring title at some point, Josh Jackson has unteachable two-way tenacity, vision, and bounce, and Dragan Bender (who turned 20 three weeks ago!) is full of potential that stretches beyond his ability to knock down corner threes. It makes sense to pair them with a coach who can be in it for the long haul.

7. Los Angeles Lakers: Steve Kerr

The Lakers’ surprising youth movement has momentarily diverted our attention away from their ambitious summer plans. Walton is perfectly fine, but bring Steve Kerr into those meetings and your chance of acquiring Paul George, DeMarcus Cousins, or LeBron James makes a substantial leap.

The Lakers may not land any of those All-Stars in July, but they will get someone. Couple that with Brandon Ingram’s pending stardom, Lonzo Ball existing as a helpful cog whose shot will—more likely than not—come around, and Kyle Kuzma's Hall of Fame resume, and L.A. can accelerate its timeline with savvy use of the trade market at a moment's notice. Overnight championship contention is a setting Kerr obviously knows how to handle.

8. Los Angeles Clippers: David Fizdale

Fizdale didn’t have enough time in Memphis to build up a profile or display a standalone identity, but his attempt to usher the Grizzlies into the 21st Century did not go unnoticed. Neither did his infamous, merch-spawning soliloquy during last year’s playoffs. Fizdale should still have a job and be given the opportunity to chaperone a team through tough times. The Clippers are about to experience just that, and selecting a smart home-town product who’d help them on the court (and possibly in free agency) would be a win-win for all involved.

9. Brooklyn Nets: Brett Brown

Photo by Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

From a stylistic perspective, there’s little difference between how the Nets are approaching their rebuild and what Brown did before he had genuine NBA talent to work with. They attack in transition and launch a ton of threes. It's smart basketball.

Brown and Nets general manager Sean Marks both sprouted from San Antonio’s tree, so this makes sense for no other reason than they’d be on the same page with an understanding of how to play intelligently on a night-to-night basis even with inconsistent results.

10. Charlotte Hornets: Rick Carlisle

When healthy, the Hornets have enough win-now talent to crash parties, and even though no club in the last three years has sniffed the same amount of time attacking in the half court as Carlisle’s Mavs (as opposed to running in transition), plopping him into a Dirk Nowitzki-Free environment where he can focus on adapting more contemporary concepts that enhance a splendid dynamo like Kemba Walker, could be interesting. The Hornets have a funky roster that isn’t ideal, but Carlisle is still a mastermind who’d find ways to set up mismatches all over the floor with an intriguing cast of characters.

11. Orlando Magic: Quin Snyder

Orlando is perpetually hopeless and somehow has the second-worst defense in the entire NBA. No coach stands out as a good match for what they've got going on, but it’d be fascinating to see how an ingenious tactician like Snyder would use Aaron Gordon—how about experimenting with him at the five?—or whether he’d be able to instill any sort of confidence in someone like Mario Hezonja.

The Magic should be better on both ends than they currently are, and Snyder, in my opinion, is one of the five smartest minds in the league. If anyone can turn things around down there, it's him.

12. Oklahoma City Thunder: Gregg Popovich

I've already said this at least twice, but here goes again: Popovich is the best coach in basketball. But, frankly, given his scroll of accomplishments and the stage of this Mt. Rushmore run he’s on, it’d be irrational to throw him on any roster that isn’t ready to compete for a championship right now.

The Thunder have enough talent to pierce the championship contender conversation, but as currently constituted lack the proper restraint. Getting Carmelo Anthony to come off the bench and not take out his frustration with diminished effort is much easier said than done. Calling timeout to publicly chew out Russell Westbrook for taking a terrible shot instead of passing the ball to Alex Abrines would be unheard of.

Photo by Soobum Im - USA TODAY Sports

But these are things the Thunder probably need right now. Few people alive have the clout and stature to pull it off. Pop sits atop that list.

13. Miami Heat: Terry Stotts

A cultural shift for sure. Stotts’s defenses in Portland have been some of the most conservative in the league, while Miami—personnel pending—is so dauntless on the perimeter. Beyond that, Stotts is just a really smart guy who belongs somewhere on this list. He isn't afraid to get experimental and is more analytically-inclined than most. I'm actually not sure how good a fit Stotts is with Miami's current roster, but feel like there's enough offensive talent (particularly with Kelly Olynyk at the five) for him to cook.

14. New York Knicks: Stan Van Gundy

It’d be fun to see how Van Gundy—a top-10 head coach whose team magically started to play better after his starting point guard became healthy—maximizes Kristaps Porzingis. He's had three traditional franchise bigs in each of his three stops (Shaquille O'Neal, Dwight Howard, and Andre Drummond). Porzingis is the opposite of conventional, and would encourage more creativity from one of the league's most expressive personalities. The Knicks (and their media contingent) would be happy to have him.

Imagining an NBA Head Coach Draft published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv