#anyway did i say later this week? i meant within 24 hours

[tangledinink]

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the gemini egg saga, part three

[tobiosmilktea]

umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[033] — epilogue!

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a/n: this is definitely not my best writing cause my brain was going brr the entire time i was writing this, but i honestly can’t believed i have finished yet another smau! 🥳 ✨if i’m being completely honest this smau took a complete turn to what i was initially planning,, but it ended up not being that bad. i certainly feel like this smau would’ve been a lot better if i didn’t have school preoccupying me 24/7, but i’m still really proud of this. thank you guys for reading and dealing with this messy, messy smau!! ☺️

a year flew by faster than you had hoped. Two weeks turned into a month, a month turned into six, and six months turned into a year. A lot of things can happen within a year. Hell, a shit ton of things can happen within six months, yet here you were, all glammed up in your best dress at the move premiere of love cemetery.

you hadn’t felt this nervous in ages. the quickening of your pulse, the rapidly beating heart, to your pals that perspired as the seconds ticked on by. akaashi stood by you this whole time as your gaze keeps looking over to the guest list as if it were to magically change if you were too look away for one second. akaashi had been by your side, your moral support and the absolute backbone of your sanity the moment you and the team landed in los angeles a year ago. he noticed everything about you. he was one of your best friends, how could he not notice the way you were suddenly quiet and not excited right now?

he laid a careful hand on the small of your back to comfort you, leaning over to the same list of guests you were worrying about. “are you worried about who i invited again?”

“i’m more worried they’re not coming.” you confess without a single beat missed.

“oh, they will,” he assured you confidently. there was even a rising smirk in his expression when he let go of you, “have a little bit of faith in me will you? i was the one who got you back in touch with them.”

you huff playfully, rolling your eyes as you recalled the strange feeling of isolation over six months ago when you landed in la. it was in no doubt the longest flight of your life, lasting a good fifteen hours if you counted the two hour layover in hawaii due to reckless turbulence (it was one of the scariest flights in your life too). you had read their texts then, drowning in the sudden downpour of emotions when you read their words, i love you.

it almost didn’t seem real. you swore it had to have been the fatigue playing games on you as you couldn’t sleep for the life of you on the plane. yeah, maybe that was it, you excused. you were so desperate for their messages to be a figment of your imagination, you literally tried everything—turning your phone on and off, asking sugawara for eye droplets, and even ignored it until you were back on the plane and landed in los angeles. it had to be fake, please be fake. yet, in the back of your head you knew damn well it wasn’t.

there was a plaguing thought within you, one that’s so destructive and degenerative that you hated the fact you thought this way. but it wasn’t like you could help it. insecurity was a troublesome venom that coursed through your veins everyday and there didn’t seem to be an antidote to your own self-destruction. 

you loved them both, but you weren’t entirely sure if you had enough love to give for the both of them, let alone one. iwaizumi and bokuto’s feelings confused you to the core. you broke their hearts, yet how could they still love you so dearly?

you didn’t know the answer nor did you have time to even find it.

the film crew stayed in los angeles for two weeks and filmed over the course of that time period. days were filled with twelve hour shoots and a tight film schedule. being the author of the work itself, you were a major part of the production alongside the director. he trusted your vision and you’d often find yourself staying on set the entire day while kaori and the rest of the ddd team felt like they were on vacation. your only free time during that time was the ten minute holy grails in between takes that you were able to check social media.

you simply didn’t have the time to think about them. and yet they were like haunting ghosts that followed you relentlessly. every time you checked twitter or instagram, you would see every post, every tweet, every story. all of which would send your heart spiraling and tugging.

you missed them. but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. you couldn’t possibly strike up conversation with any of them after completely ignoring their calls and texts for weeks. you had to have an odd amount of audacity to do that, and you simply didn’t have the guts to do so. if anything, the only lasting form of communication between you and the boys was the ringing notification that you liked each other’s posts.

it was quite the sad reality.

the film set then transferred to new york city, where the next two weeks would be filled with yet another plethora of twelve hour work days. fortunately for you, the rest of the ddd team were pulling a bit more of their weight, helping you on the creative side of things, yet still having the time to do all the fun touristy things whilst in the city.

you could remember the way your heart lit up seeing iwaizumi and bokuto’s names beneath who saw your story. it was a video of you and your team at the lady liberty statue. in it, kaori and yuko were chomping down on gigantic $2 street hot dogs, sugawara was yelling at semi for getting in the way of his film camera, while akaashi was complaining that the wind kept knocking down his green lady liberty hat.

it was strange thinking how fast things can change. within the first week, you were always up for an adventure in the city when the days were filled with work, but as the week progressed, your social meter decreased more and more. 

loneliness hit you then. it was a peculiar type of loneliness, the type that you felt alone despite being surrounded by your closest friends and working on your dream project. you figured you were just homesick the way everyone else was getting all ready for a night out going bar hopping while you sat in the living room of your hotel room in your pajamas.

“are you sure you don’t want to come with us, (y/n)?” kaori asked you, concern washing over her slightly as you flickered her a tired look. 

you shook your head, a small smile of gratitude melting upon your lips. “no, you guys go on ahead and have fun.”

your friends could only give you a look. they knew why you were being like this and they knew damn well it wasn’t homesickness. semi specifically threw you a look that’s meant to be teasing and oddly persuasive. “it’s been over a month, this can be a chance for you to finally meet someone new!” he exclaimed optimistically.

what was stopping you, anyway? it was clear nothing was, yet you still held yourself back. homesickness couldn’t possibly be to reason for it either. why are am i being like this?

“it’s okay, i’m with akaashi,” you decline once more, “he’ll keep me company.”

“alright then, join us once you feel like moving on.” says yuko with a hint of venom in her tone. you couldn’t blame her for saying that though as it was the harsh reality of it all.

your friends filed out the door, closing it in a thud and once again you felt alone. isolated as if you were in a void of your own silent thoughts that even the loud murmurs coming from the television wasn’t enough to drown out your shallow inhibitions. 

the night continued on like this for a few hours. eating snacks in the dark living room with the remote in your hand, flipping channels every five minutes as your running thoughts couldn’t keep your attention span still. it felt like you were missing something, a part of yourself that you couldn’t exactly pinpoint. you thought of all of the possibilities why you felt like there was a void in your heart, yet the only thing you could properly convince yourself on was that you just missed home. but was that really all that you had missed?

you thoughts are interrupted by steps approaching you. akaashi walks into the living room, flicking on the switches and causing you to grimace at the bright lights. your eyes stung slightly as they adjusted from being in the dark for too long.

“where are you going?” you ask akaashi as you noticed his dressed up attire.

“i got done with all the paperwork and emails,” he answers while he fixes the collar of his dress shirt, “i’m deciding to have some fun tonight with the rest of the group. are you still up for it? i’ll wait for you to get ready if you want.”

the thought occurred within you that you should agree. that the possibility of this unexplainable feeling of isolation you were feeling would disappear if you were to just say yes and go. but as self-destructive as you were on yourself, you continued to hold yourself back—hesitant and always second guessing your actions.

you open your mouth slightly, but you ultimately just shook your head no.

akaashi lets out a sigh. he was genuinely hoping you would come around sooner or later. granted, it had been over a month since you guys left japan and he figured you would be over everything by now, but that obviously wasn’t the case. “you might be receiving a call soon... i suggest you should answer it.”

confusion flushed over your expression, giving him a strange look. but before you could even utter a single question to him, akaashi was already up and out the door.

he left you in a wake of curiosity for the rest of the night. it was nearing one in the morning and you still hadn’t yet received a phone call. it honestly sounded incredibly ominous that you grew a tad bit nervous. there were only so many possibilities on who would call, but it would actually infuriate you if akaashi was just joking around. but then again, akaashi isn’t the type to play something childish like that unless it was kaori or semi’s idea. regardless, the thought kept you awake as you eyes practically weighed like cinder blocks at this point.

you couldn’t believe you wait for two hours for a phone call that might not even happ—it shocked you at first, the ringing of your obnoxious ring tone and the buzzing of the vibrations on the table.

furrowing your brows as you reached over, a gasp left you the moment you read the contact name. your slapped a hand over your mouth to muffle your shock. your hand shook from the growing bundle of nerves in your gut as you hesitate.

the name ‘kou’ shined brightly against your face, coaxing you to answer as if your thumb wasn’t frozen the accept button. out of all the possibilities on who would be calling you tonight, it just had to be him. it wasn’t like you opposed talking to bokuto. if anything, you had spent countless of sleepless nights wondering if you should finally answer that text of his. yet no matter how many different messages you have typed, none of them ever saw the light of day. a hurricane of stupid conversation starters and ice breakers swarmed in your head, all messy and disorganized that if you didn’t just suck it up and answered, you would’ve probably missed a chance to reconnect with him.

fuck it, you thought as you accepted the call.

“(y/n)!” bokuto called out to you, sending your heart running thousands of miles an hour. it had been ages since you heard your name come out of his mouth, “how’ve you been? a little birdy told me you needed a little company.”

you had to hold yourself back from smiling too much as you could already feel your cheeks ache. you wanted to scoff and perhaps groan at the sudden embarrassment of what akaashi could’ve told him. “bo—” you started, but is immediately cut off.

yet another familiar voice emitted from bokuto’s line, almost as if they were shouting, “you’re supposed to say that i’m here too, idiot!”

the volleyball player chuckles, “oh sorry, iwa-chan! here.” muffles and cups clanking against each other travel through to line to what you assume is bokuto handing his phone over to iwaizumi.

“uh... hi.” his voice sounded deeper than usual.

“hi iwa, how have you been?” you chuckle, finding his sudden shyness absolutely adorable.

“good, good. i’ve uhh... missed you.”

“i do too.”

“yeah, yeah, you miss me most though right?” bokuto’s loud voice thunders through the call.

the juxtaposition of how daftly different they were was something you could never get enough of. perhaps it was at that moment you finally understood your loneliness through their bickering. you were in fact homesick, but the home that you were thinking of wasn’t what you were missing the most. you suppose the home you missed was them. they were your home.

you let out an amused laugh, “right.”

“that’s good because iwaizumi and i should be mad at you for ghosting us for the past month, but we understand since akaashi explained to us already.”

your eyes suddenly widen into saucers, panicking what he could have possibly said. “what did he tell you?”

“everything,” bo sings.

you audibly groan in embarrassment, throwing your head back onto the couch in retaliation. you were glad they couldn’t see how flushed and red your cheeks were right now as they even extended out to the tips of your ears.

“you know it would’ve been easier to say that you love the both of us and didn’t want to choose right?” iwaizumi points out in between your panic.

“exactly!” cuts in bokuto, “besides we don’t sharing you, you know. who knew you were such a prude, (y/n).” you could practically hear the smirk in his voice as you couldn’t stop the heat from spreading any further from your face.

now you were really glad they weren’t able to see you at that moment. if they did, you would’ve died from the embarrassment then and there. “give me a break, i was too embarrassed to ask,” you mutter, fearing that they could hear how fast your heart was beating through the call.

“ask what?” iwaizumi teases, “ask if you could date the both of us?”

you were internally screaming at this point. everything that you didn’t think was going to happen, happened all within five minutes and you honestly couldn’t believe it. you were pinching yourself as if you were in a dream, yet no matter how hard you squeezed, this was actually happening. “shut up!” was all you could say.

“even if you did ask... it’s not like we could ever say no to you, (y/n).” says bokuto, his words so enticing that you weren’t sure if you’re heart can handle any more of this.

his words left you absolutely speechless. you honestly didn’t know what to say at this point.

"i’m fine with it and bokuto’s fine with it.” iwaizumi says, “it’s just a matter if you’re willing.” 

bokuto then leans forward towards his phone, “so what do you say, (y/n)?”

you swallowed the lump of nerves forming into your throat as the one question you never thought you would ever be asked was right in front of you. and yet you still hesitated despite everything that had just happened. you loved them both, so why weren’t you answering?

a few beats of silence passed before your gained the courage to push out the the very words, “... i’ll think about it.”

“boo! that’s lame!” bokuto shouts.

“i’ll give you guys an answer when i get back home.” you add, hoping to ease the disappointment they were probably feeling at that very moment.

“that won’t be for another few months, though.” iwaizumi deadpans that you could practically see the pout on both of their faces. “but we’ll promise to wait for you, (y/n).”

and so they waited for you to come back home, but you never did. schedules misaligned even when you were finally back home in tokyo. bokuto was getting progressively more busy now that the olympics were coming up and iwaizumi was just as busy, if not busier with the amount of athletes he had to take care of. there was even a constant flying back and forth from tokyo to los angeles for the film, all of which lasted for a few weeks at a time and you swear your couldn’t catch a break.

this went on for months with the only contact between you and the boys were from texting and phone calls that ended up shorter than you anticipated. and now a year had past since you left and this very movie premiere would be the first time you have seen iwaizumi and bokuto for the first time in a year.

this was so ironic how this all played out. you haven’t even realized you already reached the end of the red carpet when an interviewer calls out your name, microphone in hand and a camera pointed directly at your face.

“ms. (y/l/n)!” the woman shouts over the ruckus of snapping photos and other interviewers asking questions to the actors behind you. “there has been rumors going around about your dating life. are you dating msby’s bokuto koutarou or their athletic trainer iwaizumi hajime, who has been getting a lot of attention from stan twitter just recently! could you share some insight on your live life as love cemetery’s creator?”

“um,” you start, not sure how to answer the question as you nervous chuckled, “that’s a secret i’m afraid i can’t tell.”

before the woman could ask you any other questions, you walked away from the carpet and rushed towards the banquet hall. thankfully, akaashi and kaori was nearby and gratefully took your place in the interview without a second thought.

you let out a relieved sigh as much of the noise from the premiere died down as the only people inside the banquet hall were movie critics, the film crew, and other celebrities who were invited. by now, no one in this room would have the audacity to ask you such a personal question which caused weights to fall off your shoulder. you honestly should be used to those types of questions right now as a webtoon author that literally writes romance, but it always catches you off guard when you least expect it. honestly, you were just glad you didn’t slip up.

as a small little reward for yourself, you grab a flute of champagne from the refreshment table, decorated all fancy that you even hesitated to mess up the display. you turn around to face the growing crowd of mingling individuals, talking and laughing amongst each other as you sipped your drink gently. but as you watch you feel a presence on either side of you, both of which sent your heart soaring and a smile to appeared on your cherry colored lips. you didn’t even have to look them up and down to see how handsome they both looked. to think they were all yours.

“so what did you tell that interviewer?” bokuto asks nonchalantly as if he could just get away from a proper greeting. you were surprised he didn’t just engulfed you into his arms then and there.

instead, you opted to play along, “about what?” you tested with a smirk.

“the question about who you’re dating,” iwaizumi adds in from your other side.

you shrug, taking a sip of your champagne, “you guys probably wouldn’t like the answer i gave her.” you could feel the brazen stares bokuto and iwaizumi were giving each other—competitive and oddly provoking.

“she probably said she was dating me,” bokuto hums in response, confidence radiating off him that it caused you to scoff.

“i doubt it,” debates iwaizumi, giving him the same energy. “she probably said she was dating me.”

“actually,” you cut in before the two could possibly start bickering with each other, “i remember specifically saying that i’d thinking about it.” 

the boys give you a look, downing their drinks as if they were like the shots they swallowed many nights ago at that bar. it was as if they were trying to win your over again like your feelings had changed since then. 

“oh yeah?” bokuto starts, inching closer towards you while iwaizumi rested his arm on the table behind you.

“so what do you think, (y/n)?” says iwaizumi.

they both towered over you, just inches away from your body, but you didn’t cower or back away. if anything there was a playful smirk inevitably resting upon your lips.

now this, was going to be fun.

fun facts! —

sugawara has five rolls of film he had to get developed once they wrapped filming in osaka, each roll is from each city they went to for filming

iwaizumi and bokuto became really close friends when y/n left for la as they bonded over getting ghosted

bc of this,, bokuto posted a pic of him and iwa on his instagram and it got lots of attention that iwa went viral on stan twitter

taglist: (closed!)

@moonlightaangel @elianetsantana @k4tiepie @memorableminds @wheeshllumi @suhkusa @kitsunetea @airybby @noeminemi @truly-a-snitch @keichan @cosmicmermaid25 @bap-kingdom @saturnfarie @kwdflash @ennos-baby @dinablossom @chrisrue15 @seikamuzu @nestlevanilla @chasekudo @yammmers @pixcldust @iwaizluv @h0ngh0ngh0ng @emogrils @tiredandkindaoverworked @tsumue @underratedmage @bokutosuwus @kellesvt @unstableye @oh-tapeworm @scrappyfka @alittlebitofrain @mxngy @tpwkatsumu @atsumuwoah @macchiatoast @dicerawr @kageyamasbabygorl @some-random-stranger-007 @vhskenma @wntrmn @little-plants @stargirlara @kissungjae @je11yfishwriter @sbaepsae @apollochjld

[strangeinternetwasteland]

Forget About Me

A/N: This is my day 2 Angst submission for the @konoblog-simps Anniversary Collab

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1.5K

“Don’t you remember me?” You heard the crack in the blonde’s voice, and it  was unbearable, even for you.

“No.” The quick, simple response was enough to cut everyone to the core. The brilliant smile on the blonde faltered. “I don’t even know who I am.” The air was heavy and so still, you could hear a pin drop. There was no reason for you to feel bad. You could feel the stare penetrate deep within you but it meant nothing.

Sitting on the hospital bed, the cold metal rail against your wrist, the mechanical beeps of the machines screaming out that you’re alive to the room. Inside your own body, you’re numb. You don’t know who this person is. The only thing you can tell about the person in front of you it’s that he is absolutely broken.

“That’s okay, I can help you figure it out.” He tells you with a brilliant smile as he reaches out to grab your hand to hold it. You panicked and pulled your hand back. Every instinct inside of you tells you to run. A nurse came in to look at your vitals wordlessly. She gives you a small, thoughtless smile. There was no emotion behind it. She only felt pity for you, you could tell in her eyes. After a few moments, you looked up at the blonde again.

“What’s your name?” You asked him.

“Mirio.” He replied with pain on his face. He just kept smiling at you. The smile never reached his eyes.

“What is my name?” You asked him monotonously. The smile wavered a bit when you asked him. Whatever facade he was putting on clearly wasn’t staying put.

“Your name  is Y/N.” He said, swallowing down the bitter taste in his mouth. You didn’t say anything more. You sat in silence. It may have been unbearable to him, but to you it was comfortable.

A few more people came in and out of the room. Silently, Mirio left the room, a fake smile pasted on his face as he left. He left the hospital and slowly walked home. All the thoughts, he pushed away while being there for you took over his mind. When he got home, quietly and noiselessly he walked into this room, shut the door and changed. For the first time in the two days since the accident, he let all of his emotions out.

His sobs wracked his body, every muscle in his body was tense. If he could just see you smile for him again. Mirio knew he had to make you remember him again. You two had been dating for a while. You made him fall so easily with your warm, kind (Eye color) eyes. The last thing he thought of before giving in to sleep was the gentle kiss you two shared just before leaving on this mission and all the future plans you made together. It was too much pain for him to bear. He gave into everything and fell asleep.

The next few days spent at the hospital were filled with visitors wishing you well, and many brain scans. Everyone wanted to know how you got amnesia and tried to figure out how long it would last. At first, everyone thought it was a quirk that you were hit with and the effects would go away within 24 hours. When that didn’t happen, the doctors tried looking for answers. Anyway, they possibly could.

You still couldn’t remember anything before the accident, but after you were released back to the school, you stayed in your room in the dorm for a few days, and you had visitors come and go. Some reintroduced themselves to you and helped you with attending classes. When you got to the cafeteria at lunchtime, on your first day back, you felt overwhelmed and anxious. You sat down at the closest table and waited for lunch to be over.

You sat in your seat looking down at the top of the table, trying to block out all movement and sound. You closed your eyes for a few moments. When you opened them there was a purple-haired, tired-looking boy sitting across from you. He slid some food across to you.

“I know it’s your first day back from your accident. This can be kind of a lot to take in. Before your accident, you used to eat this all the time. I don’t know if it’s different now, but you should eat something.” He told you. You nodded in agreement.

“My name is Shinsou Hitoshi.” He introduced himself to you. You didn’t know why but you felt as if you could trust him. “We used to be friends before the accident.”

For the rest of lunch the two of you talked and laughed for the rest of lunch. You felt at ease with Shinsou. It was clear to you that you two were friends. Across the cafeteria, Mirio saw you while sitting alone. When he went to stand up and approach you he had seen Shinsou. You two were friends before the accident, that much he knew, and he didn’t exactly know how close you were. He felt a sharp pain in his heart watching how easy it was for you to talk to him, and decided against going to you. He put on his best brave face, smiled as he always did, and pretended that it didn’t hurt. Later, he’d break down when he was all alone, and pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did when he was in front of people.

For weeks it went on like this. You grew closer to Shinsou and farther from Mirio. When Mirio spent time with you, you would often find yourself thinking about Shinsou, and while you were still Mirio’s friend, it was clear to you that he had felt that you didn’t. You and he never spoke of it until about two months after your accident. Slowly, you started remembering people, events, and the memories.

“Y/N.” You heard Mirio call out your name as you sat outside enjoying the warm weather and the sun. You turn your attention to the sound of the voice.

“Yes?” You turned around to smile at the incoming voice. You saw Mirio’s face, and while you couldn’t deny he was handsome, you just couldn’t remember him before the accident. The pain he always tried to mask from the world, but it was so obvious to you.

“I know we’ve talked before about the accident. I think it’s time we talked about us.” He told you as he sat in the grass next to you.

“Us?” You asked him slightly concerned.

“You and I used to date. We were together for some time.” He began. The pain in his voice was evident, and clearly whatever was on his mind was eating him alive.

“Together? Did we ever…?” You trailed off wondering.

“We never did. We had made plans for after UA, and such.” He said as happily as he could. He grabbed your hand with the hope that it may bring back some memories, but when it failed, he looked down at the grass.

“I appreciate you being honest and wanting to talk about it. I know it brings you pain to think about it. I don’t know who I was before. I know who I am now. I don’t even know you. I try to be your friend, but all I can see is how much it hurts you.” You explained to him.

“I was hoping you’d give me a chance and go on a date with me.” His face was so full of hope and happiness and so bright that it rivaled the sun.

“I am sorry. I don’t think I can. Over these few weeks, I’ve fallen for Shinsou. I feel a deep connection.” You knew that it killed him to hear you speak those words.

“I understand. Thank you for your honesty.” Mirio told you with tears streaming down his face, and a big smile. His heart shattered into a million pieces. He’d never get in the way of your happiness. He knew that maybe one day you’d remember, but he also knew that you weren’t the same person you used to be.

As the year continued on, you never truly regained your memories of Mirio. You knew that what you two had could never happen again. It wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t  Mirio’s. Even after graduating, Mirio often wondered what could’ve been if everything hadn’t happened.

It was at your wedding to Shinsou sometime later when the two of you saw each other again. He looked handsome in suit and tie, he congratulated the both of you with a pained look on his face. He shook Shinsou’s hand and gave you a hug.

“The best thing you could ever do is forget about me,” Mirio whispered in your ear as he hugged you, and took a step back. Sudden dread-filled your mind and face as you remembered everything you had forgotten about Mirio.

[sunlightwoo]

high

☀︎ pairing: seonghwa x fem!reader

☀︎ genre: angst, squints of fluff, slice of life (i guess you can call it?)

☀︎ wc: 1163

☀︎ plot: You didn’t think that you would see him again after all that time spent apart, but now that you were both in each other’s paths again, what could this mean for the two of you?

☀︎ a/n:  hey guys!! so i used prompt 1 & 24 for the drabble prompt event that @ficscafe​ was hosting and i decided why not start off the collection with some angst? but i hope you guys are ready for the next few weeks cause i am definitely not LOLOL

STORMS OF BROKEN HEARTS | ATEEZ MASTERLIST

The blue sky entrances you into a calm state of mind that makes you believe that nothing could go wrong on your wedding day. With your eyes trained on nothing in particular, you waited in the waiting room as you could only tell that within an hour or so, you were finally getting married to the love of your life, or so you thought.

From what you have experienced in the last two to three years, the marriage that was set up now was done because your parents had wanted you to succeed as their heir for their company. Not wanting to disappoint them, you had already complied and went with what they had wanted for you to do and met with your arranged fiance, seeing as though he was a nice guy. 

And he was, which was why you hated the situation that you were in.��

You remember the past relationship that you had been in just months before they had poured all the arranged marriage junk on you, and remember that it originally was a friendship that could’ve been more. The feelings and every single emotion that was carried on your sleeve were present for the other to see, yet there wasn’t anything that either of you had done because of the fear that your own bond of trust would break.

Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you feel a sense of pity for yourself as you start to rethink everything that has happened since he had been the one to walk out mid fight about what you could’ve been. It could’ve been the wedding jitters that you may be going under, from what people can assume from your current state, but you knew that it wasn’t it, because you were getting thoughts of doubt on whether or not you had truly lived the life that you had wanted in the first place. 

You never wanted to take on your family’s company in the first place, but instead move to the suburban seaside that was miles away from your hectic life; especially with him. It didn’t matter that he wouldn’t have reciprocated the feelings in the first place, but you would’ve been happy just to have his company there from all the nights that you’ve spent gazing under the stars and talking about the inevitables of the future. 

It felt like you were two different people almost everyday, and since the day that he left, you were the only one personality that you had put out to the public eye. With him, you could be the other person that you wanted to be, but not anymore since he wasn’t around. 

There were nights where you had thought about hating him, and as much as you wanted to, you could only think of how highly loved he was. The amounts and surges of love that he was able to provide for the world around him was something you had always admired about his lifestyle, but you were never able to be the one to ask who was that person for him, if that individual just so happened to not be you.

And maybe it’s because of those second thoughts invading your mind that you don’t realize someone had knocked on the door, because you had expected for him to come anyways. You wanted that closure as selfish as it may seem, and you wondered if hearing his words would even change your mind, because after reading the note on the back of his reservation card saying that he would attend, you weren’t sure what to think of everything.

“I want to know when- no, how long did you hide it for?” You ask him, not daring to look him in the eyes as you were ready to cut right to the point, rather than beating around the bush and asking how he had been these last couple of years. 

However, he didn’t know what to say as you caught him off guard after he had closed the door behind him, words stuck in his throat while you stood in the middle of the room in your wedding dress. He had thought originally that it would be a good idea, to tell you everything that he would’ve wanted to say because he still thought of you highly, as the person that he was able to come home to, if he had just said it in the past. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you were in love with me, Seonghwa? Everything would’ve been different and now…” You continue and this time you look at him after not hearing a single word come from his lips, feeling tears surface at the corners of your eyes and based on the pained expression on your face, there was guilt that was crawling up the back of his throat. 

He realizes in that moment alone that it wasn’t fair of him to ask you to drop everything and to run away with him again like you were teenagers; because you weren’t. You have already moved on way past the history that you two had as friends, and ever since that day he had messed up on his end of the line, there was nobody else to place the blame except for himself, and he hates that

“I’m sorry… I never meant to hurt you like that, at all. It’s unfair of me to ask you to run away on your wedding day, on a reservation card of all places.” He mumbles back, and you nod, even with the tension that was growing between you both. 

It wasn’t until you feel your phone vibrate that brings you back to your thoughts and you look to see that it was your fiance, seeing as though he had also run away from the altar from what he had texted you. Attached to the text was an image of him driving off away from the venue with a girl that you easily recognized from a gala months ago, and you assumed that he had been hiding her from you in fear that you’d tell your parents. 

But you didn’t feel anything, as you thought that maybe this was a sign to work things out with Seonghwa.

A final message is sent in, your eyes scanning the last words that he has to give you an end on a lighter but positive note, and you realize that this was the closure that you had been looking for in all the years that you had been looking for. You look up at Seonghwa, who was already staring at you with a confused expression when you take off your head piece and heels, diving towards the gym bag in the corner of the room to change into later on as you gave him a calmer look on your face.

“Want to get some coffee and catch up? We have a wedding to ditch, and I have all the free time in the world.”

[luvlyrv]

Just Vacation Girlfriends (Seulgi x Fem!Reader)

Genre: Fake dating, fluff

Summary: You and Seulgi enter a precarious fake dating situation, hijinks ensue. Except the hijinks aren't light-hearted, but rather deeply personal and intimate experiences. What are you and Seulgi really?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Hi, it has literally been 5 months since I last wrote lol, I'm sorry. It's not like I hate writing it's just that there were other things I could and had to do. I apologize for taking so long to upload again, especially for the amount of feedback I got for my first post! 68 followers and 90 notes! I know it may seem like rookie numbers to some but I really want to thank you all. I'm having my winter break now so I should be able to post a lot during this short period. If I'm lucky I may be able to semi-consistently post during the school year as well ;). Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes/wtf moments I'm writing at 3AM and have slept for two hours total for the past 40 hrs, cut me some slack please.

Date: 12/24/20

The chops of your knife against the cutting board were interrupted by your phone ringing. You stop making dinner as you look over your shoulder to your phone a couple inches away on the counter. Your eyebrow perked up as you read the caller ID, it was Seulgi. Of course, you immediately set your knife down to talk to her.

"Hey Seul, what's up?"

"Hi..." Seulgi began to yawn. "I just wanted to hear your voice today."

You can't help but to let out a small smile as you felt your face getting warmer. Luckily Seulgi wasn't actually there to tease you about it.

"Ah, well, here's my voice. Is it relaxing enough, your majesty?"

You can hear a faint and muffled sound of laughter from Seulgi before you hear her tired voice through the speaker again.

"Hm, well I guess that'll do. I'm actually calling to make sure you wanna come with us on vacation again."

"Of course I do, I've been going with you guys for years. I'll make sure it works with my schedule."

"Yeah, I know that and I'll send you the dates, it's just that..." Seulgi let out a long sigh, "there's some other things you need to know."

"And that would be?"

"Pretend to be my girlfriend."

"What?"

"Please, Y/N. It'll just be for a week. I know it's a lot to ask but I need it."

You're speechless for a bit and deliberate on what to say next. Not wanting to worry your friend with your silence you ended up just saying, "Yeah, uh okay, I can work with that... why though?"

"You know how dating is like. Not a lot of time, not a lot of privacy. My parents understand this but they're still worried you know? They worry about how my future will be like if I'm spending basically over a decade just working. Something about it takes time to find the right man, settling, babies, blah blah blah. If you pretend to date me that'll ease their worries and I won't even have to worry about a scandal since it isn't real and only my parents would know anyways. Besides... we're close enough where we can pull this off convincingly, right?"

You take a second to think. It was a strange situation to be in, but as far as you knew you would only have to pretend for the week you would spend with her family. Her family wouldn't be seeing either of you after then, and maybe you could also fake breakup if things get sticky. With Seulgi's last statement... it was true that you've been really close with her and her entire family since you were both little. All it would take would be amping up the friendly touches and banter.

"Yeah, we are. Alright. I guess we should iron out the details about our fake relationship later though. You kind of sound like shit. Rest up if you can."

"Talk to you soon, Y/N."

With that, Seulgi ended the call and you were left with dinner still unprepared and a lot on your mind.

* *

The plan was to go to the airport and fly out to the island with Seulgi, where you could rehearse your story until you would meet up with the rest of her family and go about the vacation as normal. Except for the not so minor detail of you having to be Seulgi's girlfriend.

Seulgi sits by the window as you sit next to her. You try to get comfortable, but you really can't. There's a churning mixture of nervousness in your stomach. Even though it was all pretend, it was hard to imagine yourself trying to make it look real. Although you and Seulgi both felt like it would be easy to pull it off convincingly... there was something you couldn't quite place tugging at your heart-strings.

Your thoughts are interrupted as you hear her sweet voice.

"When did we start dating?"

"Uhm, ah, I know this! It was... er-"

"July 7th."

Seulgi begins to look at you. Her eyes are filled with both a pleading look and a disappointed look. She starts quizzing all the little, and very fake, details of your relationship. You answer them correctly for the most part and Seulgi's mood seemed to improve knowing you weren't completely hopeless. You're starting to get into the swing of things when all of a sudden Seulgi asks something completely unexpected.

"And what's our favorite position in bed?"

You felt your face immediately heat up as your eyes opened wide in shock.

"I- I mean, uh, what?"

"K-kidding of course." Seulgi says this with a smile, yet she seems to shake a little. Maybe she was also surprised with her sudden crude sense of humor. She begins to reach down and grab a small book from her bag. "I think we'll be good for now, just relax until we get there."

You just nod your head in response and slip in your earbuds.

* *

Although it wasn't like you have never spent a vacation with Seulgi, things felt weird.

First was the way her family treated you, especially her parents. The both of you walked into the beach house hand in hand. Her parents were completely unbothered. Later that day when eating dinner, Seulgi decided it was time to announce your relationship. As the conversation at the dinner table seemed to finally be dying down, she set down her fork and began to talk.

"Guys, listen up, I've been holding onto this news for some time now, but I really wanted to do it when everyone could see each other. What I've been wanting to say is... " It seemed to you, that maybe just for a little moment, Seulgi was trying to steel her nerves.

"Y/N and I are dating."

Silence. The two of you were met with utter silence. It wasn't the type of condemning and judging silence, but rather one of indifference. Everyone seemed completely unbothered with this news. The silence was thankfully quickly broken by Seulgi's mom.

"Well, I'm glad you guys have finally sorted your feelings. I'm sure you're both very happy now." Her mom said it with a small but warm smile. Everyone else seemed to nod in agreement. You couldn't help but to ask, "No big congratulations? What about the fact that we're both girls? "

Seulgi's brother laughed a little before talking.

"I mean... sorry. We can act a bit more excited if that's what you want. It really is something to be celebratory about... it's just that you don't usually clap for a fish when it swims, right? You know what I mean? It's just all a bit... expected and natural. As for the 'we're both girls' I don't care, and everyone else probably doesn't either."

To say the least, that was not the reaction that you and Seulgi expected. After dinner the two of you were stuck trying to think about what it all meant. You guys were also both stuck with the fact that you'd share one room and one bed for the rest of the week.

Again, it wasn't like you haven't done things like share a bed with Seulgi before. It was just that the relationship business was getting stuck in your head. Everything normal suddenly felt dangerous. Things like even looking in Seulgi's way felt like it took caution. That night, it was decided that there would be a pillow barrier between the two of you.

By the third night the pillows were all on the floor as the you hung onto each other for warmth, finding comfort in the contours of the other's body.

Things like this kept on happening. You would set up arbitrary rules to feel normal again and destroy them all within a blink of an eye. You just kept on acting on things without intending to.

For example, the other day Seulgi woke up early to cook breakfast. You couldn't help but to feel the absence of her body and warmth and followed her out to the kitchen soon after. Even though you were in a half-asleep state your feet found their way behind Seulgi and your arms snaked around her waist.

You burrowed your face into the crook of her neck. Taking in that familiar and oh-so-comforting scent that is Kang Seulgi. Since when did her scent make you feel at home? Since when did you feel so at ease with her? You had a sneaking suspicion that it has been this way for a very, very long time.

These thoughts didn't matter though, as your body began to move with hers to the soft music she had playing from her phone. She didn't try to resist your touch at all. Instead, it seemed that she melted under your touch, with you seeing her shoulders dropping and feeling her backing in further to your embrace. Before you knew it the serene moment ended when Seulgi finally finished cooking breakfast.

You would frequently hold hands whenever the family was around, yet even though you could spend your free time wherever with whoever, you were attached to Seulgi's hip and she to yours. You two would always end up doing something together, or perhaps you would do nothing, and instead just enjoyed the fact that the other was there while quietly still holding hands.

Holding her hand quickly became your best comfort. Her soft and warm hands seemed to fit perfectly with yours, fitting together just the way you'd want them to. Something about her hands electrified you every time.

The once seemingly distinct line between platonic feelings and romantic feelings began to get blurrier and blurrier with each passing second. This doubt and confusion culminated when going on one of the last outings planned for the vacation.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, during the outing a spontaneous couple's event was hosted. Your mouth began to dry up as the host looked at you and Seulgi, urging each other to kiss.

As far as everyone else knew, you've been dating for a decent amount of time now. Enough of an amount of time for them to assume you had kissed already. You looked into Seulgi's eyes in distress. You could feel the host boring his eyes into you. You could feel practically everyone's eyes staring in anticipation.

Seulgi drew her body closer and that was when you knew your fate was sealed.

* *

A couple hours later and you're back at the house now. Laying in the bed you've shared for the past few nights you finally look at her. She looks back at you with waiting eyes. Slowly you reach your hand up from under the blankets and softly laid it on her soft cheek. She responds by placing hers on top of yours.

Staring at the deep brown of her eyes, you take it all in. You feel heat radiating from her body. You watch her body rise and fall with a mix of a calm yet eager breath. The close proximity that the two of you share is something that was typical, yet so different in the moment. With bated breath you finally say the unspoken words. The words that should've been said long ago. The air and sound barely passes through your lips.

"I love you."

The two of you close in, giving the lightest kiss in the world. There was barely any pressure but you could feel her lips touching yours. Even though you've kissed already, this one meant so much more. Even if this was such a small and innocent kiss, it was the shyness of it all, the realization that it means something that made your heartbeat race.

Putting your foreheads together, Seulgi said with a quiet voice.

"It's been like this since forever, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. Let's keep it that way."

In the back of your head you wonder, was this to please her parents or was this to please her?

[pansyslut]

soulmate

draco x reader

warnings : none just fluff

everyone is born with a simple tattoo on their wrist. it could be a dot, a line, a circle. whenever you meet your soulmate, it starts to get more detailed. everyone’s tattoo was different. and you wouldn’t know you have met your soulmate until your tattoo started to expand, slowly over time.

meeting draco

it had been late, at a slytherin party. there was no particular celebration- just an excuse to get drunk. you knew of draco. everyone did. but you had only heard what everyone knew. draco malfoy: slytherin prince, obvious daddy issues, don’t get on his bad side. before that night, you had never really given him a second glance. tending to stick by yourself, or with your small group of friends.

you had drunkenly been walking back to your room as you smashed into a very drunk draco. “watch where you’re going, y/l/n.” he said with disgust and walked off, taking another swig of his beer.

not thinking anything of it, you walked off and went about your day. you hadn’t even thought to look down at your tattoo. it was always there, it never changed. you had grown accustomed to it.

acceptance

the next day, you were in the library studying for the O.W.L.S. it was late so there were only a few students scattered throughout.

“is someone sitting here?” you look up to see draco malfoy himself. wondering what he would want to do with you, you just shake your head.

“what’s with the change of attitude? not sure if you were even sober enough to remember but you were the biggest ass not even 24 hours ago.” you said with your nose still in your book.

“i’m sorry, y/n.”

“wha- what? draco malfoy apologizing to me? are you feeling alright?” you said jokingly while feeling his cheeks for a tempature but he swats your hand away.

it was then you had realized that there were little pettles starting to form on your tattoo. how long has this been there? it could’ve been growing for days and i hadn’t even realized.

you had completely forgot draco was even there. you just sat there, infactuated with your growing tat. draco had broken you out of your trance by grabbing your wrist and putting his wrist next to it.

you begun to realize what he was trying to say. your tattoos were identical. a single flower on both of your wrists.

“y/n? say something.”

you continued to sit there, gaping with your mouth open in silence.

“i meant what i said.” draco continued on, “i’m sorry for being an arse. it was my fault. i just- i’m a twit when i’m drunk- i know. well… i’m a twit when i’m not drunk as well so i guess that doesn’t mean much” he says quietly. sounding like he was really just thinking out loud rather than talking to me. you giggled and took his hand and his eyes went wide, realizing he had said that last part out loud.

“anyways... what i mean is...” he struggled to get his words out, “go out with me.” he finished. the last part was more of a jumble of words rather than a scentence like someone had forced it out of his mouth.

“i would love to, draco.”

first date

you had spent the rest of the week giving little glances and secret blushes at one another. who knew malfoy could blush? i most certainly didn’t. his friends teased him about it relentlessly.

the weekend approaching, you decided to confront draco yourself this time. he had been sitting next to a tree, eating an apple, with a book in his hand.

“good afternoon, dray”

“y/n, dearest. do sit with me” he said patting the patch of grass next to him.

you both made small talk while trying to keep the undying tension at ease. it was obvious neither of you saw this coming. you don’t even remember a time you had even talked to draco or at least had a full blown conversation. it became natural to talk to him. it felt as if you had been old friends and were casually catching up.

“i’m glad you found me, y/n/n. i was about to come get you. i have a surprise for you.” he said getting up and grabbing your hand. “should i be worried?” you said.

“not at all. i think you’ll like at. at least- i hope you will.” he said. if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought he was nervous. but the draco malfoy never gets nervous- especially not for a girl.

he walked you over to the lake, where you saw an assortment of foods on a little picnic blanket, out looking the sunset.

“draco, this is beautiful.” you said pulling him into a hug.

“really? i was worried you wouldn’t like it. i’ve never really done something like this for a girl.”

you spent the next hour eating, telling each other childhood stories, stories about doing stupid things with your friends. he made d everything seem so easy. so effortless. he calmed your nerves down within minutes as you laughed together.

a month later

you and draco had begun to gain a lot of attention from surrounding students. i guess that comes with the territory with him. you had expected many girls to be mad but at the end of the day, you were soulmates. no matter how annoying pansy or any other girl would bug draco, there was nothing they could do.

slowly but surely draco had started opening up. sure, he had told you many things about his family and a few stories about his childhood here and there but you could tell he was always holding back. like he was trying to filter every little thing he would say.

he also began showering you in gifts. you realized very early on that that was his love language. flowers, neckaces, you favorite foods. he thought of everything. he even got you matching snake rings that you both wore on your middle finger.

growth

your tattoo had grown tremendously. blooming into several little flowers, forming a bouquet. everytime you looked down at it a smile formed on your face.

you and draco had come so far. from not talking to him insulting you to him being the sweetst boy to now a year together. his mother had said you were still in the “honeymoon phase” when draco had pointed out how perfectly everything worked out. you rarely fought, you meshed together perfectly, not too much, not too little. just right. it felt perfect.

he was your soulmate and you were his. you couldn’t help but thank the gods above. there was nothing you would change.

a/n : okay so... i am very well aware that this isn’t my best story. but i really like soulmate stories and i wanted to get a story out today. i’ve been on a roll!! i’ve posted twice the past two days so it felt wrong not posting today. i should probably space out my posting more hahaha. please send in requests because i would much rather write something i know people would enjoy. i’ve noticed that certain things flop. you are welcome to view my prompt list or even just send in a little summary of an idea you have would be great :)

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander | Chapter 18

A/N: Remember that there’s a DOUBLE POST this week because of my birthday that happened yesterday!  Look out for Chapter 19 to be posted Thursday at 7:30pm.  I think you guys will reeeeeally like that one :)

January 24th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was amazed.

The welcome reception that the NHL planned in the hotel was full to the brim of what seemed like every NHL president, general manager, and their assistants mingling and munching on perfectly prepared hors d’oeuvres.  Everybody was staying at the Ritz-Carlton, a fifteen minute drive from the Enterprise Centre where all the hockey-related festivities were taking place.  While the all-stars had already been bussed to the Enterprise Centre, she was here with Brendan and Kyle, trying to assert her presence in a room full of men who thought they were gifts to God’s green earth.  She wondered if any of the other executive assistants – a good 99% male, from her observations – felt the same way.  It was when she was standing in that room that she realized how much of an anomaly she truly was, and if some guy gawked at her because he hadn’t seen a female since October, she wouldn’t be surprised.  Hockey was an old boy’s club, and there was no better proof for that than the makeup of the people in this room.  

Many people came up to speak to Brendan and Kyle – Aberdeen thought they were almost like the star debutantes at the ball, except one debutante already had three Stanley Cup rings; the other debutante was like the belle of the ball, as one of the youngest GMs in the league, and everybody wanted to talk to him.  The only thing they’d do is give Aberdeen a quick nod after they finished their conversation before walking off.  It was like she ceased to exist, or existed only as a figure to nod to once the discussion with the ‘big boys’ was over.  Nobody was giving her the time of day.  She didn’t even know why she had to come here and do this when—

“Aberdeen,” Brendan’s voice cut off her thoughts.  She straightened out her back and looked more attentive as he looked back at her.  “Who do you think will come and speak to us next?  Let’s make a bet.”

She smiled.  She knew that instead of sulking she should be working the room as much as possible, inserting herself politely into conversations Brendan and Kyle would have with some of the other presidents and general managers.  “BriseBois has been eyeing Kyle for five minutes, so twenty bucks and an extra day off says it’s him,” she said confidently.  

Brendan laughed, as did Kyle.  “My bet’s on Ken Holland,” Brendan quipped.  “Here to talk to us about Tyler Ennis.  Everyone knows they want him.  Hometown boy.”

“It’ll be Sakic.  To talk to us about Naz,” Kyle said.

“DUBBIE!”

All three of their heads turned to see Brisebois smiling and making his way over.  Aberdeen smiled.  She leaned into Brendan.  “I’ll take that twenty bucks in a Starbucks gift card.”

***

Aberdeen thought that maybe Frederik Andersen should be the one seemingly babysitting Auston Matthews, but she digressed.  Because he was attending the All-Star Weekend but not actively participating in any of the festivities due to his slight wrist injury, he was free to do (what seemed like) whatever he wanted.  He could visit both locker rooms, he could chat with all the guys, he could take pictures with everyone.  All she had to do was make sure he got to the benches during the Skills Competition and she could consider it a job well done.  

She didn’t want to follow him into the locker room – that was a bit much – so she stood outside and watched as he interacted with Fred and Mitch before moving on to some of the other players: Jack Eichel, Brady Tkachuk, and Mathew Barzal, for the most part.  When he was finished, he looked almost surprised that she was still there waiting for him.

“They’re going on in ten.  Where should we be?” he asked.

“I’m just gonna lead you down quickly, but I’m watching with Brendan,” she informed him as they began to walk down the corridor together.

“Aw, come on.  You can’t keep me company?” he asked.

“There’s no way I’d be caught dead on a camera beside Auston Matthews, thank you very much,” she joked, but at the same time, was totally serious.  If even one hair on her head was caught on camera, she was sure Auston’s fangirls would know her name, address, social security number, and blood type within the hour.  “Let alone at the All-Star Game.  And let alone with you looking like that.”

“Like what?!” he wailed.  

“Oh, come on Auston.  You look like you were a cast off of Anchorman and you know it.”

“I’m fashionable.”

“If you say so,” she rolled her eyes.  

“I thought those types of comments were only meant for Willy, anyway.”

“They’re meant for any of you when you look like this,” she covered herself, giving him a full up-down, causing him to laugh and shake his head.  

They walked past the Western Conference locker room, bustling with all the players and the media walking in and out of it.  Auston stopped again to say hi to some guys that he could see – Tyler Seguin and Connor McDavid – before Aberdeen watched another player making his way towards them.

“This your girl, Matthews?” Matthew Tkachuck asked, a devilish smile on his face.

Aberdeen crinkled her brows.  Gross.  “Ew Matty,” she watched Auston as he made a face.  “This is Shanahan’s executive assistant.”

“Oh!” Matthew’s face and demeanour completely changed as he took off his glove to shake her hand politely.  “I’m Matthew Tkachuk from the Calgary Flames.  It’s nice to meet you.”

Aberdeen laughed at how these boys could switch from being rats one second to upstanding gentlemen the next.  “Nice to meet you, Matthew.  How do you know Auston?”

“U.S National Development Program,” Auston answered for him.  “We were on a World Junior team together.”

“Yeah, not to mention I was on a line with Mitchy in London,” Matthew added, referring to his junior career with the London Knights of the OHL.  “It’s like I’m practically on the Leafs,” he smiled.

“You wish,” Auston scowled.  

“You’ll be on the bench watching, yeah?” Matthew directed his question towards Auston.  Auston confirmed he would be.  Matthew’s attention went back to Aberdeen.  He gave her a very visible up-down before biting his bottom lip.  “How about you?  You gonna be on the bench with Auston?”

“I’ll be sitting with my boss, but thanks for thinking about me,” she smiled over-politely.  She heard Matthew chuckle but he still didn’t take his eyes off her.  “We should go, Auston.  I don’t want Gary Bettman angry at me for keeping the star of Toronto backstage for too long.”

Matthew said his goodbyes.  Aberdeen and Auston continued walking down and around the corridors until they came to the entrance to the ice.  Some of the arena workers, recognizing Auston, began showing him the way.  “Now stay here and be good,” she said.

Auston smiled mischievously before winking and walking away from her.  “Only for you, Aberdeen.”

“And tell Matthew Tkachuk if he even thinks of me, I’ll kick him in the balls.”

“Will do, baby.”

***

She saw the number pop up on her phone and the request for a FaceTime call.  She hesitated at first, not knowing if she should accept.  Sure, she was alone in her hotel room, it was late at night, and she was sure everybody had gone to bed, especially Brendan and Kyle.  Nobody would be knocking on her door.  Nobody would be calling her asking her to get a suitcase ready so they could take a private jet to Phoenix to fire a head coach.  And even though her first thought was that this had to be some sort of practical joke, she quickly reconsidered.  The last time this was requested it was in the back of a cab and an automatic no.

Not for anything, but less than 24 hours ago he was in her.

So she accepted.  

William’s face popped up on the screen.  He was clearly already in his pajamas, his hair tied back with an elastic atop his head.  Aberdeen remembered that Toronto was an hour ahead, so it was even later for him.  “Hello minskatt,” he smiled.

She’d just showered, and her hair was in a towel.  She tugged it off so she didn’t look too ridiculous.  “Hey Willy.”

“How are you, minskatt?” he asked sweetly, biting his bottom lip slightly as he watched her hair fall out of the towel.  “How was today?  Long day?”

She nodded her head.  “Long but good.  I met a lot of the other GMs.  Well, most of them just sort of nodded their head at me after having conversations with Brendan and Kyle before moving on.  It’s like they don’t know how to speak to women.”

“They probably don’t,” he quipped.  “Did Auston behave?”

She smiled.  “Yes, Auston behaved.”

“So I don’t need to kick his ass?”

Aberdeen giggled.  “No.  You’d never, anyway.  He’s one of your best friends.”

“I’d still kick his ass if he gave you a hard time.”

She continued to smile.  “How was your day?  What did you do?”

“Miss you all day,” he said.

She rolled her eyes.  She did that a lot today between him and Auston.  “What did you really do?”

He shrugged.  “Went to the gym.  Talked with my brother.  Just the usual boring stuff.  Nothing as exciting as what you did.”

“Nothing I did was too exciting,” she admitted.  She hated to admit it, but it was true.  “I don’t mean to be rude when I say that.  It’s just – I could have networked, I really could, I mean I know how to work a room, but these guys just weren’t having it.  Well, everyone besides Julien BriseBois from Tampa.  He was super nice.”

“It’s okay, minskatt.  I’m sure tomorrow will be better,” he said encouragingly.  “There’s a luncheon, right?”

She nodded her head, a bit surprised that he remembered her schedule.  She hoped that would run smoother than what had happened today at the welcome reception.  But now, at this moment, with Willy on FaceTime and two more days until she got to see him in Nashville, she didn’t want to talk about work.  She’d only left him this morning and she was already missing him.  “Hey Willy?”

“Hmm?”

“I…I’ve never really asked, but why do you always call me that?  Minskatt?” she asked.

“Because that’s what you are,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  

She knew that it meant ‘my treasure’.  She remembered that quite vividly.  “Yeah, but like…why my treasure?  Why not just darling or honey or whatever?”

“Do you want me to call you those?” he asked worriedly.

“No!  Not at all.  I…I like minskatt.  I love it, actually,” she admitted for the first time out loud.  After months of blushing about it and hearing him say it in her dreams, she was finally able to admit it.  “I just don’t know why you’d choose that over the hundreds of other things.”

William shrugged his shoulders again.  “I just heard it a lot growing up from my grandparents.  My grandpa would call my grandma that all the time.  When I was really small, I thought it was her actual name.  And I just…I don’t know.  I think it’s the nicest thing.  Because you’re my treasure.  That what you are to me, always.  From the moment I met you.  You’re my treasure.”

Aberdeen smiled sheepishly.  God, he was so…good.  So pure.  So characteristically William that she honestly didn’t have another word for it.  “For what it’s worth, you’re my treasure too, Willy.”

***

January 25th, 2020

Aberdeen decided to get breakfast on her own, without waiting for Brendan to call.  She’d fallen asleep talking to William last night – they both had, gag – but she still felt pretty energized and ready for the day.  She threw her hair in a bun, knowing it would be easier to style when she got back from breakfast for the luncheon, and put on a simple pair of yoga tights and a University of Toronto hoodie.  

She figured that most of the guys were either still asleep or would have ordered room service, and she was pleased to see that the dining room for the continental breakfast was basically two-thirds empty.  She grabbed a plate and loaded it with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, and hashbrowns.  She then poured herself some coffee and orange juice and settled into a table, taking out her phone so she could browse the news or read an article while she ate.  

She was in a completely tranquil state of mind until she heard a voice from behind her.  “Hey!”

It startled her.  She turned around to see Mitch standing behind her, holding a plate stacked with food.  “What are you doing up so early?”

“Same thing as you – eating!” he smiled.  He looked behind him.  “Hey guys!  Aberdeen’s here!”

She leaned back to look past him and saw Fred’s giant body towering over the egg buffet and Auston looking like he literally just rolled out of bed pouring some cereal into a bowl.  Fred smiled and Auston waved.  She looked back at Mitch.  “You’re all up?”

“You seem shocked,” he said as she settled into the seat across from her.

“I’m not shocked about you, because you’re just an excitable puppy,” she said.  “I’m more surprised about Auston.  Does he usually get up this early?”

“You’d be surprised,” Mitch shrugged.  “When we’re on the hockey grind, early wake up calls are just a part of life.”

Fred and Auston came to the table eventually, with Fred sitting beside Aberdeen and Auston beside Mitch.  They spoke casually – about the events of last night and the upcoming day ahead of them, what they would do with their day off tomorrow before having the fly to Nashville on Monday to meet the rest of the team.  Auston suggested that they all go to the big arch.  Mitch wanted to have lunch at a smokehouse.  Fred wanted would arrange the Ubers.  

They looked at Aberdeen.  It was a while before she noticed.  “What?” she asked with a mouth full of breakfast sausage.

“What do you want to do Sunday?” Mitch asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  

She was confused.  “I’m coming?”

“Obviously,” Auston piped up.

“Why would you think you’re not invited?” Fred asked.  “You’ve been with us for how long now?”

“I just…I don’t know,” she digressed.  “I know I’m, like, part of the team or whatever—”

“So why wouldn’t you come?” Fred followed up.

“I—you guys constantly freak me out, you know that?” she asked.  “Like, I don’t get why a bunch of hot shot hockey players want me to tag along with them on their day off.”

“Why wouldn’t you think that?  Willy likes you tagging along everywhere,” Auston said.

Aberdeen suddenly stiffened at Auston’s words, thrown around so casually, but they were so charged for her.  “So does Jason,” Mitch added quickly.  “And Brendan, even.  I mean, Brendan wouldn’t have invited you here if he didn’t trust you with us, or you with us, you know?  I mean, the All-Star Game is Peter’s thing.”

She’d heard that once or twice before.  “It’s just it’s still new to me, that’s all,” she said, trying to remain calm.  “I don’t want to intrude on your private time.  I’m already around you guys practically all the time as it is.  I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Not sure that’s possible,” Mitch said.  “You’re always welcome with us.  We love you, Aberdeen.”

***

When Aberdeen went back up to her room after breakfast, she took a long look at herself in the mirror.  Long.  She knew she was loved by many people: by her parents, her grandparents, her siblings, by Kasha, by friends like Masani and Tom and Margot.  By Brendan, at least in his own way.  By William.  She was loved by William.  

Could she add the Toronto Maple Leafs to that list?

***

February 5th, 2020

New York City in the beginning of February was much different than, say, New York City in the summer, even New York City at Christmas.  With nothing to really look forward to – no holiday or event, no long stretch of time where the city swelled with tourists and it felt so alive – New York City was just…well, New York City.  Big.  Imposing.  Busy.  

Brendan had lived here for a few years, both as a player and an NHL executive, and he’d gone out for an extended lunch with a friend, so Aberdeen had nothing better to do than to walk down to Magnolia bakery and grab a half dozen cupcakes to eat and then bring home to share with Kasha – two red velvet with cream cheese icing, one confetti, one lemon, one coconut, and one truffle.  It was her way of saying thanks, because Kasha had been picking up donuts from Bloomers or Glory Hole at least once a month since they moved in together.  The perks of flying on a chartered flight was that she knew the cupcakes would be safe all the way back to Toronto.  

When she got back to the arena, she made sure the box of cupcakes was placed in the box where she’d be with Brendan and Kyle that night, knowing that nobody would touch it. It was when she exited the press box and began making her way through the corridors between the locker rooms that she saw someone she was not expecting at all: Saylor, Kasperi’s girlfriend.  She looked very glamourous, with her hair and makeup done professionally.  

When she looked up from her phone – which she didn’t do often – and saw Aberdeen, she smiled excitedly.  “Ohmygod, hi Aberdeen!” she greeted her enthusiastically.  

“Hi, Saylor.  You traveled to New York with Kasperi?” she asked, trying to make small talk.

“I actually had a shoot booked, but I scheduled it so I could come to New York the same time as the guys came,” she revealed, clearly proud she was able to get the gig.  “You know, because I model.”

Aberdeen resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  Saylor reminded her every time they spoke about her modelling.  Well, Instagram modelling.  Aberdeen didn’t think she’d ever walked a runway or appeared in an editorial.  It was mostly just the aforementioned Instagram modelling with a YouTube channel where brands would send her clothes or “collab” with her for exposure.  “Yeah, I remember Saylor.  Sounds fun.”

“It is!” she smiled excitedly.  “I’ve been super lucky so far.  But I mean hey, with a bit of makeup and good angles, lots of girls could be models.”

“I’m sure,” Aberdeen giggled.  “Wouldn’t be me though.  Not with these bushy Persian brows,” she joked, knowing full well thick brows were very in right now and that a lot of girls got them dyed or microbladed to look like hers.

“Persian?” Saylor was confused.

“Yeah.  My dad’s Persian.”

“Ohmigosh, I knew you were mixed with something!  Your nose totally gives it away.”

Aberdeen froze, though a strained smile was on her face.  She knew she had a Greek nose, that it was pretty big with a prominent bridge, not elegant at all like Siena’s, but she didn’t think it was that big of a deal.  She didn’t know what Saylor was trying to say or imply, but she tried to play along anyway.  “I thought it’d be my hair.”

“Well, that too.”

Aberdeen nodded her head.  Before she could say anything else, Saylor’s phone began ringing.  “It’s my agency,” she said as she looked down at her phone.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

“See ya.”

Aberdeen watched as Saylor left, her hips swaying back and forth in her skin tight Levis.  She brought her hand up to her face, feeling the bridge of her nose before patting down her hair.  She sighed.  At least Saylor didn’t see the Magnolia cupcake box – she probably would have made a comment about that, too.

Aberdeen thought back to New Year’s Eve, when Morgan and John sat at her table and told her the story about Bee; about how she’d gotten messages from fans making fun of her weight and looks and how they’d called her the team cum bucket.  Aberdeen shivered.  She didn’t understand how people could have such vitriol in their heart for another person they hadn’t even met.  And having it be directed towards Bee McTavish of all people.  Those were targeted attacks, mostly because they were jealous of who Bee was dating (as they should, because Morgan was a great guy).  But Aberdeen wondered if Bee ever got those types of comments from people she knew – other wives or girlfriends who maybe couldn’t hold their tongue or thought that looks were the be all, end all of someone’s worth.  

Aberdeen knew better than to think that way.  She knew it was all bullshit.  How you presented yourself to the world was one thing – with your clothes, your hair, your makeup – and it was somewhat an extension of you, but it wasn’t who you were as a person.  Like, Aberdeen always liked to look fashionable and presentable at work, because she knew she was in a highly professional environment and on any given day she’d shake hands and speak with a billionaire, but her clothes didn’t define her.  Her personality defined her.  Her work ethic defined her.  Her respect for her job, her bosses, and her colleagues defined her.  Her ambitions defined her more than her clothes ever would, than her clothes ever could.  She knew Saylor didn’t mean any harm, that it probably wasn’t said maliciously at all, that it was only said because she didn’t know any better and nobody in her privileged life had called her out on her language that bordered on offensive.  Aberdeen wasn’t going to hold it against her unless it kept happening and it did get offensive.  

But she highly doubted that.  

***

The Leafs lost to the New York Rangers 5-3.

William had knocked on her room door.

She let him in.  

He kissed her the second the door closed and she felt overwhelmed by the feeling of his lips on hers, like she always did, really.  They hadn’t been able to connect in Nashville or Dallas after the All-Star Game because her room was right beside Brendan’s, so they had to wait until the night they got back to Toronto.  The Leafs weren’t doing particularly well lately, but nobody would be able to tell by the way William was acting.  He brushed off the losses fairly easily, not liking to dwell on them too much.  

“You okay after tonight?” she asked.

“It’s fine, minskatt,” he said as he kissed the tip of her nose.  “Better now.”

She smiled slightly.  She highly doubted that she made the situation better, but she’d take it.  “Come to the washroom with me.  I have to wash my face.”

“That’s sexy.”

She smacked his arm.  He just gripped onto her hips tighter.  “I can ask you to leave.”

“You’d have to make me at this point, and I’m a strong boy,” he raised his eyebrows.  

She scoffed, dragging him into the washroom with her as she took off her makeup and cleansed her face.  William leaned his body against the wall behind her, so she was able to see him and look at him through the mirror.  He was so patient, and literally just watched her as she went about her nightly routine.  He didn’t say a peep, didn’t complain, didn’t rush her.  He just watched her with a look in his eye that told her, fascinatingly, that he was enjoying just watching her, like he was captivated by her simplest movements.  

She pat her face dry, looking at him through the mirror.  “Can I ask you something?” she asked.  It was so quiet she could practically hear the electric current going through the lightbulb.  

“Of course, minskatt.”

She was hesitant, mostly because she didn’t really know if William knew anything about it, but also because she should probably be asking Morgan.  She set the towel down on the counter.  “Do you know what happened with Bee last year?”

William didn’t look too bothered by the question.  “You mean when her mom passed away?” he asked.

“No,” she shook her head.  “The…the other thing.”

“Oh, that,” William nodded his head.  “Yeah, I know what happened.”

“Morgan said it was someone who knew Kasperi’s ex.”

“It was.  Her name was Cassie.  Kasperi’s ex, I mean,” he clarified as he stepped closer towards her.  “The girl who actually approached Bee in the restaurant was named Danielle.”

“Had you ever met them before?” she asked.

“Cassie, of course.  Danielle, no,” he said.  “Why?”

“Does Kasperi exclusively date models?”

“Basically,” he giggled slightly.  “Why, minskatt?”

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head.  “I just—I saw Saylor earlier tonight, and she mentioned how she was in New York City for a photoshoot with a brand or something.”

“She’s one of those Instagram models,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head into the crook of her neck.  He placed light kisses on her skin that made her feel temporarily drunk.  “You should be a model,” he mumbled against her skin.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Aberdeen replied sarcastically, though the feeling of his lips still on her skin made her brain mush.  

“Oh come on.  You’d be a great model.  My model,” he continued with his compliments and with his kissing.

“Not with this nose,” Aberdeen quipped.  “At least that’s what Saylor said.”

William stopped his movements.  It was quiet again.  She continued to watch him through the mirror as he looked at her, speechless.  It shouldn’t have come out like that.  She didn’t plan for it to come out like that.  But like most things to do with William, nothing ever went according to plan.  Ignoring him certainly didn’t go to plan – look where they were with that.  “Excuse me?” he asked, finally.  “What did she say to you?”

“It’s honestly not even a big deal,” Aberdeen said, trying to sound as confident as possible.  “She found out I was half-Persian and was like ‘Oh your nose totally gives it away’,” she mimicked Saylor’s voice.  “Then when I mentioned as a joke that I thought it would have been my hair that gave it away, she was like, ‘That too’, like it was so obvious.”

William looked angry – a confused angry, like he couldn’t believe something like that was said to her by someone so close to one of his best friends, but at the same time, could totally see it being said by her in particular.  Nobody else had commented on it when they found out – at least nobody on the team had – but of course Saylor did.  “Minskatt—”

“Please don’t make this a big deal,” she interrupted him, seeing the look in his eyes.  “It’s not the first time someone has said something like that to me and it’s definitely not going to be the last.”

If she didn’t want him to make a big deal out of it, he wouldn’t.  That didn’t mean that he wasn’t still angry about it, though.  And it didn’t mean he’d look at Saylor differently now for what she said.  “But minskatt…you know I think you’re beautiful, right?” he asked softly.  

Aberdeen nodded her head.  “I do,” she said confidently.  “I know you do.  But, like – and no offence – but I think I’m beautiful.  And – again, no offence – that’s more important than you thinking it.  I have enough confidence in my appearance to not let it affect me.  That’s why it doesn’t matter what she said.”

William smiled at her.  Proudly.  “No offence taken,” he said, biting his lip.  “That’s all that matters.  Still makes me want to talk to her though.”

Aberdeen whipped around so she could face him.  “Don’t you dare,” she warned.

William’s smile turned from prideful to facetious.  “Gotcha.”

Aberdeen scrunched her face at him, but he didn’t care.  He dipped down and kissed her again, refusing to stop even as he picked her up in his arms and placed her on the vanity.  He stood in between her thighs as he kissed her and kissed her and kissed her, not wanting to ever stop.  “You know I think you’re pretty great, right?” he mumbled against her lips.

Aberdeen stopped, their faces only inches apart as she stared at him, smiling slightly.  She brought her hand up and let her thumb caress his bottom lip, the slightest bit swollen from all their kissing.  His eyes were so, so blue as she looked into them.  Sometimes she didn’t think he was real.  “I think you’re pretty great, too.”

[prorevenge]

Fired? Are you sure? OK.

Note 1: This story was told to me by a friend and is about her father. I won't be able to answer many follow up questions. It takes place around 2005. I believe the story to be true, but can't verify it, of course.

Note 2: This happens in Sweden, where there's no at-will employment. Once an employee is past the initial 6 month probation period, you can't fire them without a cause, which also requires an established paper trail.

Note 3: I am not a native English speaker, and professional terms may be wrong. I'm happy to take any corrections.

So, my friend's father (since retired) was a mechanical engineer. He was around 55 when this happened and VERY experienced in his field. In fact, he had some skill sets that were close to unique t the extent that you might be able to replicate them, but at extreme costs - we're talking multiple people from multiple companies from multiple countries taking weeks if not months to get up to speed with specific projects to do the same things.

He was also a no bullshit kind of guy who did his job, did it well but also pointed out problems and expected others to point out problems to him. He was extremely solution-oriented and had no time for office politics or "keeping a positive attitude" at work. Basically, your every day grumpy older engineer who really knew his thing and always ready to help if you asked, but not very forthcoming in team building exercises and so on.

He also ran his own business on the side, doing minor projects and so on. As was required by his employer, he had reported this and was sure to not cause any conflicts of interests, so his employer knew and accepted this.

He was considered a valuable employee and got several awards (that he cared little for, but anyway) during his many years with this employer. By all accounts, they paid him well, respected his knowledge and accomodated his style and he returned the favour by working very hard and making sure to mentor younger and newly employed engineers to make them effective co-workers.

Then his firm was acquired by a larger firm, and a new management team installed. Initally, everyone was promised that things would remain the same, but with the new management came a new office culture. The new management pressured for unpaid overtime, for a more "American" corporate culture with cheering and clapping and so on. He considered it extremely cringe and refused to participate. His status as a long-standing and knowledgeable employee kept him safe for some time, before the new management realised that resistance to the new "culture" centered around him and started pressuring him to play along. When he did not, they turned increasingly hostile, realising that he held a lot of "soft power" in the company, having mentored a large percentage of the engineers and resistance to their leadership centering around him. They started ordering him to work overtime, he answered that he was on time with his projects and that if they had identified an emergency requiring overtime, they would have to bring it up with the union to negotiate the over-time and make sure it was an actual emergency - the contract with the union said no over-time unless in an emergency. They tried to force him to participate in the cheering and clapping by making it mandatory for him to attend and yelling at him to participate and he did but so unenthusiastically that the event turned even more cringe and people started laughing.

The workday turned more and more hostile, and he knew that things would come to head sooner or later. Being an expeienced engineer and knowing how to document things, he already had his ducks in a row.

Then it finally happened - they caught him answering an e-mail for his side business on his work laptop, brought him in and fired him on the spot for theft of company resources. He sat at the conference table and looked the three managers in their eyes, one after the other and asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

They all said yes.

"Are you REALLY sure you want to do this?"

He was escorted to his desk by security to leave his phone, his badge and his computer at the desk and then escorted out.

Once out of the building, he phoned his union representative, who immediately cancelled the firing, claiming there was no just cause, which meant that it would go to the labour board for arbitration. You see, the company had an IT policy that it was ok to use the company laptop for personal business, including a side business, as long as you were on a break and compliant with IT security protocols, and the company was aware of and had approved his side business. And he was on a break. Of course, he had his declaration of a side business (signed by his former manager) and the IT policy available and sent both to the union representative.

Then he called his lawyer and asked him to send the pre-prepared cease and desist on two patents he held - patents that were not that significant and nothing he could make any serious money out of since they were mostly for very specific things used by the solutions he designed and used at his employer's, but still his that he had brought with him into the employment and allowed the employer to use in exchange for a slightly higher pay (all duly documented in his contract, of course).

Then he went home for some vacation and tending his side business. He was always a man to prepare and had enough money saved up to last him for a good time, to the extent that he considered retiring entirely. My friend said he had two job offers from competitors that had looked to sniping him for some time within the week - basically as soons as they learned he was available. He was gracious, but declined, but offered them to consult with his side business, now that he had the time, which they eagerly accepted - at twice the hourly rate he had made at his earlier employer's.

His colleagues started ringing the day after for advice, since the projects he had managed could not go on without him, he was perfectly polite, but denied any information and help, saying he had left everything he had with management and to contact them, as he was no longer employed there. Several clients that phoned his private number were told the same thing. Since his private number was not on a public registry, he suspected that both colleagues and clients spent some time and/or money to find it.

It took two weeks before a manager phoned him and asked things. He politely declined to answer, got yelled at and replied with something like "I am sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who works for you." and hung up.

This happened a few times, and the next week HR phoned him and stated the firing had been a mistake and he was welcome back to his job. He again politely declined, saying that he awaited the labour board's decision, but until then he was happy to consult for them. At six times his hourly pay (after taxes and adminstrative costs, of course). After a few days of wrangling and trying to negotiate, they had to accept. And then he sprung the patent issue on them, forcing them to pay for those too. Less than two and a half week after being fired he was back at his desk.

After roughly three months, the firing came to the labour board. The employer stated that they believed they had handled the issue correctly, but were still willing to offer my friend's father his position back, in the interest of "good will" and "reconciliation". My freind's father and the Union simply stated that he was now employed elsewhere (his own company) and no longer available. The labour board ruled in my friend's father's and the unions favour, and he got the normal damages - 3 months pay damage and 24 months pay severance package, including pension and of course the lawyer costs of the Union.

According to my friend, her father continued to work there until he retired, working 20 hours or so per week and 10-15 hours for other companies, making a pretty penny, continuing to charge them three times what he charged their competitors as an "asshole tax".

The managers were not fired, but they were moved into their own group apart from the rest of the department when it came to bonus calculations and the costs of her father's consultancy fees and the costs of the labour board arbitration were budgeted there, meaning they were constantly over budget and thus uneligeble for bonuses for several years, which was a decent percentage of the incentives at that company, making at least one of them quit.

My friend also said her father usually met any management complaints with a big shit-eating grin and "What are you going do? Fire me?" after that.

(source) story by (/u/vonadler)

[itskateak]

Mint Ice Cream & Bubblegum Kisses - Chapter Four

(Bucky Barnes X Single Dad!Reader)

Series Summary: Y/N L/N works as an intel specialist at the Avenger’s Compound. He scans chatter on the international - and intergalactic - level for any information that might be helpful to the Avengers and other agents. But he’s also a single father to a beautiful eight-year-old girl: Angelica L/N. It’s tough raising a little girl on his own and working a full-time job, but he’s managing. A promotion has him launched up in rank at the Compound, leading him to work directly with the Avengers team. The only problem is it’s a 24/7 job. Life around the compound gets a little strange when his daughter is added to the mix of enhanced humans and ex-assassins.

Chapter Summary: Rumors had always surrounded Bucky Barnes. A very early morning has Y/N thinking that every single one of them are wrong.

Word Count: 3.9K

Warnings: Meet-cute, fluff, unwanted romantic advances (again), minor language, Bucky being a little self-loathing

A/N: I wish y'all could've seen what happened in the middle of revising this - we got a 5.1 earthquake out of nowhere that jolted the house pretty good and in my rush to pick up my glass (and not move from the couch because screw that, I'm lazy and mother nature would have to throw me off the couch herself like that guy in the bathtub on Nov. 30th, 2018 - which, by the way, who is just soaking in the bathtub at 8:30 AM???), I slapped the keyboard. Oops. And then we got two more in the next two minutes.

Masterlist

Taglist is open! Drop a note in my messages, inbox, or leave a comment to be added!

If I can’t tag you, I will personally message you when a new chapter comes out so you don’t miss it!

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Y/N sank into his desk chair, sleep hanging at the corner of his eyes. He almost had hit his alarm and gone back to bed, but since Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes were returning from a mission, he forced himself out of bed. They'd have information for him to add to the system that could be urgent. So, here he was, half-awake and booting up his computer.

He hadn't even had his caffeine this morning so his personality had yet to catch up. He was just a walking, mumbling shell of Y/N until his brain woke up entirely. That could take ten minutes, or it could take two hours. 

A knock on the door made him look up and blink to see who was in his doorway. The hall outside was still dark and his office wasn't very bright either so it was a little difficult to see.

Steve smiled in greeting and leaned against the doorframe. He was still in his tactical gear, a bloody scratch on his cheek proving that he'd come straight from the helicarrier. "Hey, Y/N. You're up bright and early."

"Well, you two decided to come back before even the roosters are awake, so...here I am. Just in case you guys had sensitive intel for me." Y/N tiredly smiled in return.

"Ah. Buck's the one who gathered most of the intel. He wanted to shower first since he was, in his words, sweatier than a sinner in a church and smellier than a nightclub on Wednesdays." Steve shrugged. "Sometimes I wonder if he's okay when he says stuff like that."

"A...nightclub on...Wednesdays?" Y/N asked, head tilted curiously.

"Apparently, Wednesdays were some of the busiest nights back in the day at the clubs he used to go to. Packed with people. We didn't really use deodorant in that time...so, it smelled pretty bad after a while." Steve explained. "Anyway, I came by to ask you a very important question."

"What's up?"

"What is your favorite caffeinated drink?"

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Y/N didn't realize he had fallen asleep on his desk until someone had carefully placed a cup next to him. He turned his head as he woke up, leaning his cheek against his arm. He blinked awake, noticing the mug.

"Bless you, you beautiful, beautiful person." He mumbled sleepily, straightening up and taking the warm drink gratefully.

"An apology for making you get up really early and somethin' to get you movin'." The person said with a soft voice. "Steve told me that was your favorite."

Y/N looked up at them and paused. He was tall - but that may have been the vantage point - and had wide shoulders. His eyes were a glittering blue and filled with friendliness. He gave a lopsided smile.

 "I'm Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, but everyone just calls me Bucky."

"Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you. And thanks for the drink." Y/N extended his hand to greet Bucky. "So, what do you have for me?"

Bucky set a small stack of old files on the corner of the desk before sitting down on the couch pressed against the wall meant for visitors. He laid his ankle on his knee, leaning back and lounging against the couch. He hitched his chin towards the dusty files.

"Grabbed them from the Hydra base we raided. Not sure what all is in there but it seemed pretty important given how it was locked in a safe within a safe, behind a vaulted door and guarded by people armed to the teeth." Bucky explained then sighed deeply, his head falling back against the top of the seat. He stared at the ceiling, shaking his head slightly.

"Sounds crazy. You okay?" Y/N swiveled in his chair to face Bucky, tilting his head slightly. He warmed his hands with the drink he'd been brought, taking slow sips periodically to avoid burning his tongue.

"Yeah, just tired and glad to be back." Bucky picked his head back up and brushed his hair back out of his face. It was obvious he had just gotten out of the shower not too long ago, his hair still damp and starting to curl up. 

"Did you get hurt?"  Y/N asked, concerned. From the looks of Steve, the mission had been rough on them. They'd been gone for almost two weeks.

"Nothin' major. Few scratches and bruises. Maybe a pinched nerve or muscle in my knee, but Bruce isn't awake yet to get it checked out." Bucky gestured with his head to his left knee before shrugging. "How're you settling in? I heard about Stark's smooth promotion offer."

"Oh, yeah...that scared the shit out of me. Everything's working out well. A little strange being my own boss, really, but it feels great. I know Angelica's having a blast with the fact there's a pool downstairs and she's surrounded by some pretty cool people." Y/N shook his head fondly. "New office, new room, new environment. It's different...but good."

"That's how I felt when I first moved here. Though, everyone wasn't as welcoming...and they had every right not to trust me." Bucky looked at the floor, expression faltering. "I'm...not the easiest to get along with somedays."

"I think we're getting along just fine." Y/N gave him a friendly smile. "I might be biased since you brought me my favorite drink."

Bucky laughed then, a warm sound that filled the space, and the corners of his eyes crinkled up. "So you figured out my plan. Bribe you into likin' me." 

"Don't think you have to bribe me very much." Y/N broke into laughter, too, happy to see a smile back on Bucky's face. "You should get some food and get some rest if you can."

"I won't be able to sleep until later. Too wired still and probably will be for most of the morning."

"Maybe Wanda will make some tea for you." Y/N set his cup down. "My daughter doesn't know that you two were coming back this morning. She can be very hyperactive and excited when meeting new people. I didn't want you to come back from a mission and possibly be in a bad state of mind only to be met with a kid who wants to ask you rapid-fire questions for an hour."

"I appreciate that. I won't be against meeting her this afternoon. It's a Monday, right?" Bucky glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost five in the morning. "Yeah. Sometime this afternoon, if you want me to swing by and meet her, just let me know."

 "Of course. Thanks, again, for the drink. I'll get to these files soon." Y/N smiled, waving his hand vaguely at the stack of files.

"No problem. I'll get out of your way and leave you to it. Nice to meet you, Y/N. Happy to have you on the team." Bucky stood raised his arms above his head in a stretch. "Oh, and if you need translating or cracking the codes, let me know and I'll help with what I can. See you around, Y/N."

"See you, Bucky." Y/N watched him walk past the glass front of his office and down the hall. All the rumors he'd heard about Bucky being gruff and cold to everyone he meets seemed to be untrue. He already liked the ex-assassin, despite only knowing him for ten minutes total. His rough exterior was offset by his kindness and concern for others.

Y/N pulled the top file and opened it. He sighed. It was all in Russian. Luckily, he could scan the documents into the computer and a program would translate them all out. The only thing he'd need to do afterward would be to create a decoder for the system Hydra used. He shook his mouse to wake his computer.

This was similar tedious work to what he'd used to do, but at least he could wear what he wanted and play music out loud without disturbing anyone. And his daughter could come in and out whenever she wanted when she was tearing around like the little gremlin she was. 

With a wayward glance at the clock, he stood and started scanning the documents.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Angelica came running into Y/N's office after school had gotten out, her backpack thrown on the floor near the couch. She flopped onto it on her back, limbs sprawled out, groaning loudly.

"Well, hello to you, too." Y/N said, glancing up from his computer to look at his daughter. "How was school?"

"Boring. Like usual." She whined, throwing her arms out but nearly falling off the couch in the process. She squealed and steadied herself. "I wish we did harder math things or read more interesting things."

"Can't be as boring as what I've been doing." Y/N teased, scrolling through the newly translated documents. He was still scanning the files that Bucky had brought that morning and he had yet to start cracking the codes that HYDRA used. "I have at least thirty-eight papercuts on my hands now."

"Whatcha looking at?" Angelica rolled off the couch and moved to see his computer screens. He switched tabs quickly to a google home page. "Papaaa."

"It could be sensitive content, Angel. Can't show you that. And I have no idea what kind of content is in there. Some of it might not be suitable for you." Y/N picked her up and settled her on his lap, an arm around her waist. She leaned back against him, leaning her head against his. "I could take a break and we can watch some YouTube."

"Ooh! Can we watch some dog videos?" She asked, excited.

"Whatever you want, kiddo." He leaned forward and brought up YouTube, typing in a search for funny dog videos. "We can have a fifteen-minute break before I should get back to work and you should start on homework."

"Don't ruin this for me." Angelica groaned, lighting kicking his shin. "Ooh! The first one looks adorable. Look at his little paws!"

Y/N grinned and clicked on the video, turning up the volume. Her giggles and laughter always brightened his day. He watched a puppy stumble and tip a water dish over. Everyone needed a puppy break in the middle of the day and it was definitely needed after the very early morning. 

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

"Oh, wow. This is fancy. You sure moved up in the world." Kiera's voice startled Y/N and he looked up from his notes. 

"Oh, hi! Come in, Kiera." Y/N minimized the tabs on his screens and closed his notebook. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I have a few files from our department that are directly related to a mission that's coming up that they want you to look at." She said, holding up two folders. 

"I've not been told of any mission but let me see what's up." He held his hand out and she crossed his office to pass the files over. He opened the top one and scanned over the words. "I'll have to talk to Tony or Steve to see what this is about, but this seems pretty important."

"The boss man wanted me to run it up here as soon as it was compiled. Are you sure you don't know what it's about?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"They might've told me and I just forgot. It's been a crazy few days with Natasha and Sam prepping to leave for a mission tonight and the intel I had to send to the Guardians." Y/N set the files down on his desk.

"So, how's it feel to be in the elite club?" Kiera sat down on the couch, crossing her legs. She was wearing a pencil skirt and heels, which he didn't actually pay attention to after doing a quick scan over her. 

"I had to get up at like...three-thirty this morning because Rogers and Barnes decided to return from a mission with sensitive files at four." Y/N buzzed his lips, leaning back in his chair. "Rogers stopped by first to say hi and tell me Barnes had all the files."

"Sergeant Barnes makes me...uncomfortable sometimes. He's really quiet in meetings and always looks like he's angry or doesn't want to be there." Kiera pursed her lips. "And whenever he talks, he's really short and gruff. He just seems really cold and unapproachable. Did you have to deal with him alone?"

"He brought me my favorite drink, apologized for making me get up so early, and asked how I was settling in. He was nice and offered to help  decode the files he'd brought." He shrugged, thinking back on their conversation that morning. "He was really friendly and open. I think he just isn't comfortable around strangers or large groups of people."

"Y/N, I'm worried about you and Angelica. What if he tries to hurt either of you? I know they say he's stable but is he really? What if he just snaps one day and turns back into the Winter Soldier?" Kiera stood and crossed to him, sitting on the edge of his desk. 

Y/N arched a brow slightly as she laid a hand on his shoulder, her thumb rubbing in a circle over the fabric of his shirt. "Kiera, why are you even bringing this up? If there was even the possibility of him being a threat to anyone, especially Angelica, they wouldn't have let us move in here or he would still be in Wakanda."

"All I'm saying is that you should be careful, okay? I don't think you should get too close to him. I don't want to see you get hurt and I really don't want to see Angelica get hurt." Kiera said. She didn't even know Bucky other than what she's heard through rumors or the news, so why was she pushing this so much? In his eight-minute conversation with Bucky that morning, he'd already dismissed all the rumors and other experiences people had told him about because of how open and friendly he'd been.

"Kiera," He started, voice low and stern. "If I had any concerns about Bucky, I would speak to him directly about it. Talking about him behind his back and perpetuating rumors only hurts his reputation and the way people view him. He knows people don't trust him and feels that it's rightfully deserved."

"Just...be careful, okay? That's all I'm asking. I just fear for Angelica." Kiera said quietly.

"Oh, uh...I'll just...come back in a few minutes." A voice made them both turn and Y/N shrugged Kiera's hand off his shoulder. Bucky was standing awkwardly in the doorway, a hand raised to knock on the door.

"No, come on in, Bucky." Y/N flashed him a warm smile and gave a side-eyed glance at the woman still hovering near him. "Kiera was just leaving." He said through his teeth.

"The boss will want me back in my little cubicle." She stood and walked past Bucky without sparing a glance at him and paused in the doorway. "I'll see you Wednesday night." She winked and smiled before sauntering down the hall.

"Did I interrupt something?" Bucky avoided eye contact, looking at the pictures on the wall instead as he moved further into the office. He looked awkward, his arms hanging limply at his sides. Y/N wondered if he overheard their conversation. 

"She was just bringing files relating to a mission coming up that I may or may not have been told about." Y/N turned back to his computer, opening his tabs and notebook again. Bucky could see the intel and he didn't have to worry about the confidential issue.

"Seemed a little more friendly than that." Bucky snorted, sitting down on the couch, and immediately sinking into it. He was relaxing with every passing second. "Wednesday, huh?"

"I have absolutely no idea what she was talking about. The only plan I have Wednesday night is to go to the library after getting ice cream at Pop's Shoppe with Angelica like we do every Wednesday night." Y/N said, looking at him with an open expression of honesty. 

"Sounded like a date to me." Bucky threw an arm over the back of the couch, his ankle resting on his knee. "Nothin' wrong with that if it was."

"She's just a friend." Y/N sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I should clear that up with her in case she got the wrong impression." 

"I don't think you called me down here to talk about your workplace drama, though." Bucky gave him a lopsided smile, head tilted slightly. Any awkwardness or discomfort was gone. "What's up?"

"Need your help deciphering the codes. I've identified four different codes they use but I can't figure out what they mean." Y/N pressed his lips together in frustration. "I've written each of them down."

"Got a pen?" Bucky sat up, hand extended.

"Yeah. Here's the notebook, too." Y/N passed them to him, noticing that he didn't hesitate with reaching out with his metal arm. Not that he minded the metal prosthetic in the first place. "While you work on that, I can look over the files Kiera brought."

"She seems nice. Seen her in a couple of briefings. Knows what she's talking about and is really good at her job." Bucky said, eyes scanning the notebook as he wrote. "Not a bad choice, honestly."

"She is nice, but not my type." Y/N responded, opening one of the new files, ignoring the flush rising on his face. He was so embarrassed for absolutely no reason.

"Don't think she knows that." Bucky snorted before muttering something in Russian under his breath. He glanced up for a moment. "Maybe you should make it clear to her."

"Last week I used going to Operations Control - even though I was actually going to Accounting - as an excuse to leave just to stop her from asking me to dinner because I didn't want to turn her down." He admitted, keeping his gaze on the papers as his face warming up even more.

"Just let her down easy. Tell her you think she's nice but you aren't interested in a romantic relationship with her." Bucky suggested with a shrug.

A comfortable silence settled between them as they both worked on their respective tasks. Occasionally, there was a soft whirring of the computers as the fans turned on to cool them down or of Bucky's arm as he moved. It was because of this that they both heard the footsteps rushing toward the office.

"Papa, I finished my homework! Can you check my multiplication worksheet?" Angelica came dashing in, holding a folder to her chest, and smiling broadly.

"Inside voice, kiddo. Inside voice." Y/N looked up with a gently chastizing expression. "But, yes. I can check your math." 

Angelica stopped with wide-eyes, actually noticing the man on the couch for the first time since she'd sprinted in. There went the plan of setting up a meeting time for Bucky and the ball of energy.

Bucky glanced up and gave her a quick smile that reminded Y/N of the one he gave to people when they held doors open for him. It was full of awkward friendliness and Y/N had sympathy for him.

"You're James Buchanan Barnes." She said in amazement, smiling broadly in return. She bounced on the balls of her feet, barely containing her enthusiasm.

"Uh, yep. That's my name, but you really don't need to call me James or Barnes or whatever. Just Bucky works." He tucked a strand of hair that had fallen into his vision behind his ear. "And you're..?"

"Angelica. Kiddo, you can barrage Bucky with questions here in a second but I need your math homework if you want me to check it." Y/N chuckled. His daughter snapped out of her daze and rushed to hand her folder to him. She then skipped over to the couch and flopped down next to him.

"Whatcha working on?" She asked in her adorable way, her head tilted.

"Code cracking for your dad." Bucky hummed, shifting so he wasn't so closed off.

"Is it fun?"

"Sort of. I'm tired so I'm not exactly at a functioning level." He bounced his foot slightly. "I think you're the only person I've met who has been starstruck and knew my actual name."

"I did a project last month about you for history. That lesson was the only one that was not boring." Angelica swung her legs. "I think you're pretty cool."

"Oh," Bucky said, looking at the notebook. "Uh, thanks."

Y/N glanced up from the multiplication problems to see a blush spreading across the badass Winter Soldier's face. He smiled secretly and returned to the multiplication, scanning just to be sure his math whiz of a kid hadn't missed anything in her speed demon functions.

"Everyone else wanted to do projects on Natasha or Steve or Wanda and no one wanted to do a project on you. Made me mad 'cause they had all these ideas about you that were, like, not at all true but they didn't know that 'cause they jus' listened to their parents and didn't take ten minutes to think for themselfs." Angelica glared at the floor in her very childlike stern manner. "There's a reason you're a hero but they wouldn't know that 'cause all they'd heard was that you were a bad guy. So someone had to tell them otherwise."

"Alright, kiddo. This all looks correct. Good job." Y/N tucked the papers back into her folder and set his pen aside. She hopped off the couch and took her folder back with a smile. "Bucky and I need to get back to work, so you'll have to scram, okay?"

"Wanda said she'd teach me how to make some food from her homeland when I was done with my homework," Angelica told him.

"You remember the rules?"

"Yep!" 

"Then scram. Have fun." Y/N gently shoved her shoulder and she giggled.

"Bye, Bucky! See you later!" Angelica said, pausing at the door to give him a wave.

"See ya around, sweetie." He waved back with a friendly smile before she took off running down the hall again. "She is quite the ball of energy."

"You have no idea." Y/N laughed, picking the file back up. "She didn't make you uncomfortable or anything, right? She tends to get loud and talkative when she's super excited."

"No, no. It was cute. I've...never really had someone act like that the first time I've met them. Usually, they're all wary and distrustful like I'm some feral dog that has to be danced around." Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. His lips were pressed into a firm line and he glared at the notebook.

"You know, when she did that project on you, she wouldn't stop talking about you for weeks. I've seen her get passionate about things before, but for some reason, she was extra determined to prove to everyone that you're a good guy now." Y/N smiled fondly. "She likes seeing the good in people. Always have, and probably always will."

"I think she takes after you on that one," Bucky mumbled under his breath. "This should let you decode the information. They mixed codes a lot just to be extra sure no one could sell the intel."

Y/N took his notebook and pen back with a nod. "Thanks. This will help a ton."

Bucky stood, wincing slightly as his knee popped. "I'll leave you to it, then."

"Oh, I have a deal proposition before you go." Y/N stopped him with a smirk. 

"I'm listening." Bucky arched a brow.

"You bring my drink every morning and every time Angelica plans a prank on you or a prank that could affect you, I'll let you know. If she asks, just say it's a super-soldier superpower or something." Y/N offered with a mischievous grin. "We have a deal?"

"We have a deal." Bucky shook his hand. 

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ … ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Taglist - @supernaturalwintersoldier​ @shadowolf993​ @myybebe @pastel-boy-sungjae​

[kpop---scenarios]

Over Time

Commissioned by: @my-loves-18

Pairing: Shownu x Reader

Warning: Mentions of Violence, Angst, Smut

Word Count: 3.8k

"You're just jealous." Your best friend, Steph chuckles, nodding her head towards Shownu with his arm wrapped around a girl. 

"Jealous of what exactly?" You scoff while rolling your eyes. 

"Hey, Y/N." Shownu yelled from across the lawn. Despite you hating him and your assumed dislike he had for you, he still tried to get under your skin. Well not tried, succeeded. He enraged you, not made you jealous. 

Pfft. 

You may be a lot of things, but jealous was not one of them. 

"You have to make a comment everytime you see him with a girl, or just see him in general, Y/N, and with me dating Wonho we're around him alot." She says. 

You know she's right, but it's not like you dislike him for no reason. You had two, and to you they were very valid. 

The first one, you hated the way he treated women. Every party you went to, his arm was wrapped around a new girl every time, when you'd see him out, he was with a new one. You'd heard plenty of girls crying in the bathroom after just seeing them together, and it wasn't hard for you to put two and two together. He was a typical frat guy, who did the typical frat guy thing of sleeping with a ton of girls and throwing them out after he was done with them. You didn't care if he slept with thousands, just treat them better. 

The second thing that made you really despise him, was the fact that he dropped a beer on you at your first frat party of your Sophmore year and laughed while high-fiving his friends, leaving you completely embarrassed. 

"Whatever, I'm not jealous. I have class." You say, giving her a small wave before walking away.

It was the first day of your junior year and you wanted this one to be the best one yet, since you knew next year was going to be your last. 

You walk into your math class, scoping out the people you would be with for the next few months, when one person in particular caught your eye. 

Kim Namjoon. 

You had seen him around campus last year, and the immediate attraction you had felt for this man was powerful. He crossed your mind off and on all throughout the summer and you made a vow that you would talk to him if he was ever in one of your classes. 

Taking a deep breath, you walk over to where he was sitting and clear your throat. 

"This seat taken?" You ask Namjoon, sliding in beside him before he can even answer. 

"No." He coughs, clearing his throat, and goes ahead. "Hi, I'm Namjoon." He says, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

Oh you know. 

"Y/N." You smile, excited to see what this year brings. 

** 

Over the next few days, you and Namjoon are unable to stop talking to each other. Your heart skips a beat everytime you see him, the butterflies in your stomach act up whenever you even think about him. 

Was this love? Is this what it felt like? Because if it was, you were here for it. 

However, everytime you interacted with Namjoon in any way, you felt like someone was staring at you, as if someone was burning holes in your back. Finally after a week, you got tired of it, turning around to see who had an issue. 

Shownu sat there with his arms crossed, eyes staring right at you and Namjoon. You could see Namjoons face become frightened as he quickly looked away from Shownu, looking almost guilty. 

"God that guy." You mumble, feeling annoyed. 

"You know him?" Namjoon asks, avoiding eye contact.

"Kinda. Same friend group. My best friend is dating his best friend." You say. 

"So you're not close with him?" Namjoon asks, looking relieved. You shake your head no, which makes Namjoon smile but for some reason, this smile felt different. It was cold and creepy, but you shrugged it off, not thinking too much into it. 

Later that evening, you sat inside the frat house, gushing about your week with Namjoon to Sarah when Wonho and Shownu walked in the room. 

"Kim Namjoon?" Wonho asked, sitting beside Sarah, wrapping his arm around her.

"The one and only." You chuckle. 

"Careful with him. We've heard things." Shownu says, plopping down on the couch opposite of you. 

"Pfft. What things?" You scoff, not believing him. 

"His last girlfriend went missing, Y/N." Shownu says. "Just be careful." He finishes, standing up and walking towards the front door. 

Your stomach dropped.

Was it true? 

On Friday you woke up grumpy as all hell. Shuffling your feet down the hall, you enter the kitchen where Sarah stands, drinking a cup of coffee while you yawn largely. 

"Late night?" She asks, pouring you a cup of coffee. 

"Yeah, I don't know. What Shownu said to me was playing through my head, but I don't know if I believe him." You tell her. 

"Just be careful. I don't have a good feeling." She tells you, with a sympathetic smile. 

**

That weekend you spent your days not doing homework, no, you spent your time googling everything you could find related to Namjoon and his previous girlfriend and what you came up with was astonishing. 

Nothing. You found nothing that linked Namjoon to any type of disappearance. You read about a young girl going missing, but Namjoons name was nowhere to be found. That was when you decided to not take anything Shownu had to say seriously. Clearly he enjoyed just fucking with you and making you panic. 

** 

Saturday night you went back to the frat house for a party, hoping to see Namjoon there, along with hoping that maybe, just maybe Shownu would sit this one out but to your luck, he didn't. 

The moment you walked in, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Looking around you see Namjoon staring at you. You smile at him, walking towards him but something stops you, another pair of eyes, burning into your skin. Looking up you see Shownu staring at you, his eyes going in between you and Namjoon. He shakes his head no to you, telling you not to go over there. You roll your eyes, walking to Namjoon anyways. You didn't understand what Shownu's deal with you was. He only likes to crack jokes at your expense and taunt you, why was he acting like this now that you were interested in someone? 

Sarah had told you it was because he was into you, but you couldn't believe that. There were no signs, he was always mean to you. Plus you did not like him at all. She was delusional, right? 

"Y/N. Can I talk to you?" You hear from behind you. Shownu standing there, looking worried. 

"No Shownu. Butt out." You sigh, walking away. 

You ignored the nagging feeling in your stomach as you walked towards Namjoons extended hand, ready to see where the night took you. 

** 

Monday morning you walked into your classroom, a smile on your face that you could not shake. Your night with Namjoon had gone perfectly. The two of you had gone for a walk before going to get some ice cream and then sat at a 24 hour Cafe and just talked. You talked about everything, family,  friends, school, life. It was perfect and you were falling hard. 

"Are you okay?" You hear, making you come out of your happy bubble. 

"I'm fine why?" You ask, looking at Shownu with a blank stare. 

"Just checking. Sorry." He mumbles, walking back to his seat as Namjoon glares at him, sitting beside you. 

** 

Over the next few weeks, your high of going out with Namjoon began to quickly dwindle into becoming scared of him. If you didn't call him back within two minutes he got very angry. 

"Hey , sorry I was talking to Sarah." You laugh, the phone against your ear. 

"Yeah sure. Probably fucking someone else like a whore." Namjoon spit. 

"What? No, I was literally talking to Sarah." You whisper. 

"Yeah, you better have been." He snaps before hanging up. 

 If you ignored him, he showed up at your apartment. 

Sunday night you heard a frantic knock at your door. 

Knock 

Knock 

Knock

"Open up Y/N! I know your home!" He yelled through the door. You quickly unlocked the front door, Namjoon pushing his way inside. "Why are you ignoring me!" He yells. "Who's here!? Where is he? I heard shuffling. You're probably hiding him in the bathroom, aren't you?" He yells, storming to the bathroom. 

"Im studying!" You say, pointing to your books scattered across the floor. "This is too much." You sigh. He apologizes after looking in the bathroom, the crazy in his eyes still lingering. 

The two of you weren't even dating yet and he was very controlling and possessive and you didn't want it. 

On Monday you sat at the opposite end of the classroom, away from Namjoon. You could feel his eyes burning into your skin. You turned around and saw Shownu staring at him, making sure he knew he was watching. 

"Why didn't you sit with me?" Namjoon asked, grabbing your hand as you exited the room, pulling you to a corner. 

"Look, I don't want to see you anymore. I'm done. Leave me alone." You say, walking away and feeling relieved. 

With your head down, you continue walking down the hall, accidentally bumping into someone on your way. "I'm so sorry." You say, looking up to see Shownu standing there. 

"No worries5." He smiles at you, making you smile. 

"Look.. I'm sorry I've been butting in with you and Namjoon. The dudes just not right." Shownu expresses. 

"I know. And I'm sorry for not believing you.. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He's scaring me." You tell him. 

You're not sure why you were telling this to Shownu. Maybe it was the fact that he had been so nice to you, so concerned about you. You weren't sure. 

"I'm glad you're okay." He says. 

"I still don't like you." You mumble, beginning to walk away. 

"Woah, woah, what did I ever do to you?" He asks. 

"Seriously? The beer poured all over me?" You scoff. He laughs. 

"That was an accident." He says. "It wasn't meant for you specifically, you just happened to be under there." He clarifies. 

"Well I don't like the way you treat your conquests." You say, crossing your arms. 

"My conquests?" He asks with a laugh. 

"The girls you sleep with and the dump." You explain.  

"Which girls are those? Because I haven't gotten laid in like 6 months." He laughs. 

"Then why are you always with a different girl? Why are some of them crying after being alone with you?" You ask, crossing your arms. 

"I do have friends that are girls. And when they're crying, it's usually because they're having issues with their own boyfriends." He chuckles. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't just fuck anything with two legs and a vagina." He tells you. "I only sleep with someone if I like them." He finishes, giving you a small wink before walking away. 

Had you really been wrong about him this entire time? Hating hkm for something he wasn't even doing instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Honestly you felt a little shitty for the way that you had treated him all the time and assumed how he was acting. 

Walking to your apartment, you don't feel the gaze of Namjoom on you, as he follows you, making sure you're heading there alone. 

As you walk down the street, you can faintly hear the sound of footsteps behind you. You try to peek over your shoulder to see who's there, but you can't see anyone, only your shadow from the dimly lit street lights. Your stomach is in knots as you pick up your pace, just wanting to get home and feel safe. 

You round the corner of your apartment, bolting up the stairs as fast as you can, noticing a figure behind you catching up. Your hands shake as you find the key and slide it into the lock, hoping you can make it before he reaches you. 

You knew it was Namjoon. You knew he was pissed you wanted to end things, and he knew you were scared of him and he decided to use this to his advantage, knowing when you get scared, you get clumsy. 

"Hi baby." He whispers in your ear, covering your mouth with his hand and pushing open the door to your apartment. 

You were so close. 

That evening Sarah had messaged you reminding you she would be out of town for the week with Wonho, visiting family. 

"I remembered. But judging by the look on your face you forgot and hoped she would be home tonight. Sorry baby." Namjoon whispers, stroking your cheek. "So beautiful." 

**

Wednesday. 

[7:29pm] Hey Shownu, it's Sarah. Can you check on Y/N? It's been a few days and she hasn't responded to me. I'm worried. 

[7:31pm] I'm on my way. 

** 

Shownu arrives at your apartment, his hand up ready to bang on the door, when he hears a voice. Pressing his ear to the door, quietly, he immediately recognizes the faint voice of Namjoon. You try to reply but he can only hear mumbles. You couldbt be tied up.. could you? 

Shownu juggles back and forth for a minute, deciding what to do, and ultimately he decides to go for the safest bet. He walks away from your door, pulling out his phone to call his cousin, who just happens to be a cop. 

"Hey Seo-Joon, it's Shownu. Look, I might be overreacting but…" he goes on to explain the situation and how he thinks you're being held against your will. 

"Don't worry, we're on our way. Hang tight." Seo-Joon says, reassuring him. 

A few minutes later, Seo-Joon, along with five other officers walk up the stairs, joining Shownu as he points to which apartment is yours. 

The police count down before they break down the door, three men rushing in to tackle an unsuspecting Namjoon, who swore up and down everything was consensual, while you barely sat in a chair, rope burns around your wrist and ankles and torso, showing that you had been trying to escape, your body limp and bruise. 

Shownu rushes towards you, untying you and holding you until the ambulance comes, riding with you to the hospital and not leaving your side for a minute. 

Sarah and Wonho came home as soon as they could, Sarah feeling so guilty about leaving you, even though no one could have truly predicted this. 

Namjoon had been arrested and was awaiting trial as you healed from the terrible experience. You were assured you would never have to see him again, as he was now also being looked at for the disappearance of his previous girlfriend. 

As time went on, you and Shownu slowly became closer. He visited you at the hospital often, then when you were home, he practically lived in your apartment. 

When you got better and started going out, he was always around you, if not beside you, he was close enough that if you needed him, you could call and he would hear you. 

The second frat party you attended is where he kissed you for the first time. 

You had excused yourself from the dance floor, feeling flushed and a little thirsty, you made your way to the kitchen for a drink. Shiwnu came in behind you asking you if you were okay and if you needed anything. You were leaning against the wall when he walked over to you, his body just barely pressing against yours. 

"W-what are you doing?" You ask, your throat suddenly dry. 

"Can i see something?" He asks. You nod your head yes, and he leans in for a kiss. 

You melted. 

He pulled away, smiled and walked away. 

Oh boy. 

 The next week, neither of you talked about what happened at the last party. However, that weekend you found yourself pinned against a wall, your legs wrapped around his waist as he aggressively slid his tongue into your mouth. 

Shownu pulls himself away, letting you slowly slide down his body until you're level on the ground. 

"Fuck." He groans, giving you a smile and a wink before walking back to the party. You were definitely starting to like him. 

You had tried to ask him about it on Tuesday in class, and he told you to "just let it flow." 

You weren't sure what he meant, so you left it alone and went on with your week. 

That next weekend as you walked into the frat house, your body instinctively moved toward Shownu, but you decided you wanted a drink first. You smiled as tiu stared at the wall that just last weekend he had you pressed against. 

"Whatcha smiling at?" Sarah asks, walking behind you to pour herself a beer. 

"Ahh, nothing." You nervously chuckle. You knew she'd be happy for you, but honestly you didn't even know what the two of you were, if anything so why get excited over nothing? 

You and Sarah took a few shots, getting nice and tipsy before heading to the dance floor. You were feeling a little sad you still hadn't seen Shownu. The song changed as the two of you walked over there. You began rolling your hips to the beat, your eyes finally meeting Shownu's. He lickdd his lips as he watched you dance, shaking your hips and ass, keeping eye contact with him. 

When the song finished, you tried to get yourself another drink, but instead of making it to the kitchen, you found yourself being dragged up the stairs by Shownu. 

He pulled you into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you.

"Can I help…" you began before being cut off by his lips. 

"You are so sexy." He groans, his lips never leaving yours. He pushes himself against you, letting you feel his hard cock through his jeans.  

"I want you." You moan, moving yourself so he will pick you up. 

You wrap your legs around him as he moves you to the bathroom counter, sitting you down, never breaking the kiss, grinding his cock into your already wet clothes pussy. 

Shownu parts your legs as he pulls your ass closer to the edge of the counter, gripping his large hands tightly to your thighs.

He drops to his knees, pulling down your panties licks, with your help. You both were thanking you for wearing a skirt tonight. Shownu places your legs over his shoulders, leaning you back to get better access. Bending down, he llicks a strip up your already sopping cunt,  causing shivers to trickle down your spine.

“Fuck” you groan as he latches his luscious lips to your clit, sucking harshly.

You move your hands to his head, gripping a fist of his hair as he flicks his tongue against your clit, while you grind your self in his mouth. 

Shownu reaches his hand up, slipping under your shirt, cupping your breast before pinching your nipple, rolling it in between his fingers.

“Just like that” you cry out. "Fuck." You grunt your orgasm building.

Shownu flicks his tongue faster, switching between using his licking and sucking. 

Your grip on him tightens as your orgasm comes closer, a few more long licks and you’re sent over the edge, letting out a string of cries and curses words as your body shudders, harshly grinding yourself against his face. 

Shownu pulls away from you, licking his lips with a smile on his face. 

You push him back, sliding off the counter before dropping to your knees. 

Reaching up you unbutton his pants, yanking them down, along with his boxers, allowing his cock to spring free. 

Your mouth waters as you stare at his large, thick cock, his red tip dripping with pre cum. You wrap your hand around his large shift before taking his tip in your mouth, sucking harshly, lapping up the cum. 

"Damn baby." He groans, throwing his head back. You begin taking in as much of him as you can, moving your hand from in the way. 

You gag on his cock as you deep throat Him, making him hiss in pleasure. 

Taking him from deep in your throat, you twirl your tongue around his tip while pumping him at the same time. 

"Holy fuck." He moans, not wanting you to stop. "If you wanna fuck, you're gonna have to stop." He cries. 

You halt your movements, taking him from your mouth, before standing up and bending over the bathroom counter. 

"Fuck me." You cry, shaking your ass for him. 

You can hear Shownu groan as he watches you stand there, bent over, waiting for his cock. 

"Gladly." He growls, lining himself up with your entrance before pushing himself inside you. 

"Your cunt feels so good." He moans, thrusting in and out of you. Your hands grip the counter tightly, your fingertips turning white. 

"Harder." You cry. Shownu pounds his cock inside of you, the sound of skin snapping fills the bathroom. 

There's a knock at the door that shocks ykh both, but Shownu yells for them to fuck off, his orgasm building. 

You rub your clit, your second orgasm coming on quicker than your first, taking no time to wash through your body, making you cry out. 

"Shit im gonna cum." Shownu grunts, pulling himself out of you before pumping his cock to cum all over your back. "Fuck I'm sorry." He says, making you chuckle. 

"Just loan me one of your shirts." You smile. 

"Now that I can do." He says, grabbing your hand to take you to his room. 

Later that week Shownu asked you to be his girlfriend, which you happily accepted. He had told you, he knew that over time you'd come around to be with him. And he was right. 

** 

It had been a few months and you had never been happier. You and Shownu were still going strong, and Namjoon was being held in prison. Life was actually really good, it felt like nothing could bring the tso of you down. 

"Hello?" Shownu says, answering his phone. His face goes confused, putting his phone on speaker. 

"Y/N." You hear, it's Seo-Joon. 

"Oh, hi." You giggle. 

"Look.. i don't know how to tell you this but Namjoon was released. The judge decided there wasn't enough evidence." He sighs. 

Your body begins to tremble at the thought of Namjoon roaming the streets again. Just as you feel like you're about to cry, there's a knock at your door, and your stomach drops. 

[madbucker]

Silhouettes | Daryl Dixon.

Daryl Dixon x female reader.

II. 

Season 9, directly after chapter I.

MASTERLIST.

Loosely based on the song We Will Become Silhouettes by The Postal Service.

Summary: After Rick’s death Daryl pushed himself away, but he still had someone who would check on him. Y/N cared for him and wanted to make sure he was okay.

Warnings: language, gore stuff (twd style), mentions of death. Will add more warnings depending on the chapter’s content. Let me know if you think it needs some other warning!

Word count: 1.6k

Author’s note: First things first, I’m not a native English speaker, so bear with me! You can send me a message or an ask pointing out some mistakes so I can edit the post. Also, it will help me learn the language, so don’t hesitate! If you have any questions or want me to write about a situation in particular (like how they met, runs, the prison, or whatever you come up with) just send me an ask and if I feel like it fits with the story, then I’ll write it! Anyway, if you are into simple writing and limited vocabulary, then I hope you like it and as I said before, I’ll gladly take constructive criticism! ♥ I MEAN IT, CORRECT ME, PLEASE lol

Gif’s not mine.

The morning breeze kept you awake despite your heavy eyes. You had been smart enough to bring a couple of extra coats to stay warm, but the cold air was sharp on your face. It could’ve been worse, though, winter was still far away enough for you to see it as a break from the hot summer days. Everything was still beautifully green, but if you squinted your eyes you could spot some brown leaves.  Fall had always been your favorite season, even before. 

The sky was clear again, dark blue turning lighter in the horizon with a tint of orange. You were one for sunsets, always had, but you couldn't help but admire the beauty of the world at that moment. Even if it had turned into what it had.

After Rick's death, you almost were forced to be grateful for the smallest things. You didn't want to lose yourself, and as someone wisely said to you six years before at the CDC: you had to find something to survive for. It didn't take you long to find it: the group had become that something. And sooner than later, you realized that not only had they become people you would survive for.

You wanted to live for them.

As years went by, people died, you found others and some of them died too. But the spirit of your reason to live remained there. They were not only your motive but your drive.

All of that almost broke apart when Grimes left you all, but the little things kept you sane.

Rosita asking you to help her train people, teaching Judith the alphabet, Tara welcoming you in The Hilltop even after Michonne's decision and the both of you jamming out to one of Georgie's records… and when you needed to get away from the mess: sunrises, rain, walking barefoot on the asphalt, the smell of the air after a storm.

A lot had happened and in the middle of it all you lost your way more than once. You had been mercilessly vicious and had let rage take over you. You had met death face to face, played with fire more times than you could count. How funny it was, the words that had pulled you back from the dark were the ones of the one and only Shane Walsh.

Find something to survive for.

You repeated them to yourself every time you felt your humanity and your spirit were at stake, or every time you considered giving up. You replayed them the time you had thought of leaving your family because you just couldn’t take it anymore.

Remember who you have to survive for.

Live for them.

Live for them because everything had gone to shit and if you were going to die soon, then at least make it a little bit nicer before saying goodbye for good.

Live because they deserve to do it too.

The zipper of the tent and Daryl's head popping up out of it stopped your wandering.

He deserves it, you thought at the sight of his sleepy but well-rested face. His hair was messy and his puffy eyes gave away how much he had needed to rest.

"Told ya to wake me up." He spoke, his throat dry enough from the snoring to make him cough.

"Nah, didn't want to interrupt your beauty sleep," you stood up and stretched your entire body that was stiffer than you imagined.

If you had to be completely honest, you had rested your eyes for a few minutes when you had made sure the night was quiet enough. But your eyelids felt heavy, and if it weren't for the cold you would be begging for him to take over so you could sleep.

You were okay, you could hold on for a few more minutes. Hours, even, if you tried.

He got out of the tent, and ignoring your determination to stay on watch, he signed you to get in.

"Ya can't keep on doin' that." He didn't sound annoyed, but it did come off as an order, and you knew you wouldn't be able to convince him otherwise.

You stood there, aware that at any moment you would have to get inside the tent. Not entirely because of him, but because the idea was actually starting to grow on you. Sleeping away from Alexandria where no one could knock on your door and ask you to do anything. You could rest knowing someone you trusted was there to keep you safe. But it also meant wasting time, in a way. Time you could spend talking to him and making sure he had everything he needed to stay in the woods, reading him to see if you would have to come back in days, or if he needed to be alone for a while longer.

Were you worrying too much?

He had chosen to sleep uncomfortably, to spend cold nights outside and hot days under the sun. Of course you were worrying just enough. He was fully capable of taking care of himself, he had proven that to you, and himself since he was a kid. But he didn't have to. Maybe you checking in made him feel at ease just for a second, and you were definitely taking that chance.

The tent, the warmth, him still being close to you... it wasn't that bad. Not at all. But for the first time in a long time, he had let you stay without complaining, asking you to leave or putting on his signature facade of not needing anyone, ever. There were things you wanted to say, like the fact that you missed him and that Judith had been asking for him.

"I'll go. In ten." You sat back down and patted the floor next to you. He reached inside the tent and grabbed his crossbow, then sitting cross-legged, facing you instead. You realized he figured out you wanted to talk.

"I guess I have to be straightforward, right?" You started speaking, your voice shaking, surprising you. He didn't say anything, his sight lost somewhere over your right shoulder. "I know you can take care of yourself, and I love that. I wouldn't even think of letting you spend one night outside the walls if it weren't like that." You joked but scolded yourself right after. Out of every copying mechanism you had, that was probably the worst one. "I just need you to tell me-"

You hadn't finished when he looked at you in the eyes, making you stop and expect him to lash out on you. You knew him and chances were you were stepping over some boundaries. Who were you to talk to him as if he was a teenager with communication issues? He was a grown-ass man who had gone through so much shit. He was older than you, too, you weren't in any position to reprimand him or insist on something he clearly wanted to ignore.

"'m not okay." He said before you could retract your words. It was short, simple, and you hadn't expected it, but even then, that plain sentence was filled with so many emotions.

You let go of a breath you didn't realize you were holding and relaxed a little bit. Leaning forward, you stretched your arms and placed your hands on each of his knees.

"You don't have to be." You spoke softly as you straightened yourself, your eyes never leaving his. "And I respect the fact that you're out here, still looking. I would never want to change that."

He lifted his right hand and chewed the skin of his thumb. You noticed how he tightened his lips as he bit the inside of his cheek.

He hated it. He wanted that moment to be over and you were well aware of that.

"But I don't want to lose you, Daryl. Losing someone to death is one thing, and probably one of the worst. But losing someone to... themselves?" Your voice was already a whisper and for the second time in less than 24 hours, a knot gripped your throat, tighter than ever. "That's something I won't settle for."

You wouldn’t, even if it took you years of walking through the woods for hours. You had seen it before when Rick lost Lori. Weeks of taking care of Carl and Judith and trying for Carl not to feel his own father slipping away. He had put two and two together, of course, that kid was well aware of almost everything that happened within the group, especially with the people he cared for the most. But you remembered how everyone tried their hardest to fill Rick’s shoes, which at that moment felt huge, not even all of you could fill them in all aspects.

You stayed quiet for a couple of seconds half expecting him to close in again, but even if he didn't mouth any words, his eyes were screaming. You decided you could continue your conversation after he gathered his thoughts. Perhaps all he needed was to be alone for a while.

You got up and headed to the tent, but stopped on your tracks, turning around.

"Daryl, I-" you didn't finish. He was looking at you and you realized you didn't know what to say.

I miss you, I care for you, I'll always be here, I love you, I respect you, I understand, we'll be alright.

But your mouth felt dry and you couldn't find the right words. You stood there, looking at him with your lips barely open and with your hands over your chest.

He nodded as if he understood.

Maybe he does, you thought. Or maybe he’s just cutting me off so I go to sleep. 

You turned around and got into the tent, making yourself as comfortable as you could. It didn't take long for you to feel sleep creeping in.

Yeah, maybe he does.

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Re-sublimity: A Critical Role Fanfic

I swear, I was just planning on writing a few small fics for @shadowgast-week. I swear. And then, this happened and I basically shoved all of the prompts into one gigantic fic, which will have to have a second chapter...at least. I do this to myself. So essentially...this is a Jupiter Ascending inspired fic. 

...enjoy!

Read on AO3

Preview: 

>Journey Log #105

>Entered Intergalactic Standard Time 23:04 

>Order: Read Transcript

Dear Traveler, 

You should have seen me today! We dealt with what Fjord calls a “clusterfuck” with no problem! It was space pirates, you know, like Avantika except these ones weren’t cultists to a Deep Space Snake thingy. Yasha said we should call them bandits, but I remember you telling me that all crime in space is actually piracy because space counts as international waters. So I’m going to call them space pirates, okay! I was able to channel your energy through my STAFF, and do some serious damage. Caduceus is getting pretty good with his STAFF, you know, he was still using an actual wood staff to channel the Wildmom’s energy when we first met him. The techno-staffs are so much easier to use, and I’m excited about showing him how to update his later just like you showed me.  

But the funny thing about these space pirates were that they were kobolds! Caleb said that kobolds originate from a planet called Darastrixhurthi, which was really hard for him to pronounce. I took a guess at how to spell it here, hopefully I did it right. He had never heard of them piloting a spacecraft before, but their ships were these super duper rinky dink ships that Fjord said they most likely stole from the nearby planet and fixed up to be barely space-worthy. I’m sure you’ve seen kobolds before, but they were so cute, even though they were stupid and still tried to shoot us down after we gave them food. Anyways, Nott’s getting really good with her vibro-crossbow, and Beau’s lightning punches really saved the day. And you should have seen Yasha, she just about cleaved a ship in two with her vibro-sword! But I promise, I made sure to give them food and tuck in a statue of you as we scared them off. I’m trying to give something just as you always teach me. 

It was too bad about Frumpkin getting punted, but Caleb said he could fix him up again once we get to the nearest planet. Everyone said that because we saw the kobolds and passed by Darastrixhurthi, we’ll be reaching the Xhorhas System within two days, so long as we don’t have any more run-ins with trouble. I really hope we don’t because this has been the longest we’ve journeyed without stopping and I’m getting reaaaaaal bored. It’s so much easier when we have a hyperdrive that actually works to, you know, space travel! But I don’t really want to explode or anything. I’ll find something to do for the two days, besides rewatching my holo-dramas. Maybe I’ll have Caduceus teach me how to use the wand that I picked up on that planet with the fish-people. 

As always, I hope I can see you sometime soon when you aren’t too busy. Please look out for Mama, and my friends, and me. 

Bye!!!

[Record, included below is an image of kobolds wearing funny hats and flying on ships shaped like dicks]

 >Postscript 1, Added by Captain Fjord: Jester, I'm begging you, please stop putting dick drawings in the official journey log. We have to turn these in at port sometimes. 

>Postscript 2, Added by First Mate Beauregard: Oh come on, Captain. These are so fucking dry, I’m sure people would find it entertaining. 

>Postscript 3, Added by Nott the Brave: I personally think that kobold on the far right needs a bigger hat. 

>Postscript 4, Added by Jester Lavorre: >:D

>Postscript 5, Added by Navigator Caleb Widogast: It’s 24:00

>Postscript 6, Added by Nott the Brace: ...your people did this to my people.  

>Postscript 7, Added by Caduceus Clay: Imjuhbdwpqidnamap

>Postscript 8, Added by Yasha Nydoorin: I don’t think Caduceus meant to enter that. 

>Postscript 9, Added by Captain Fjord: No, he told me he meant to ask Jester to please call the Wildmother by her name if she can...you know the Wildmother. Alright everyone, go to sleep. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. 

The solar system of Xhorhas was the place where the Kryn Dynasty had been born, a rising power that’s influence was only dampered by the ever expanding reach of the Dwendalian Empire. When the starship SS Balleater docked on the planet of Asarius, two things were made extremely clear. First, based on the look that the officers gave their ship, they were a bit worse for wear. Second, they took bureaucracy to a whole other level here. They had been waiting in a long twisting line at the Customs office for exactly two hours and twenty seven minutes, in darkened rooms only slightly illuminated by low green lights. It had frayed on all of their nerves, to be honest. The Mighty Nein had never done well with long waits, and tended to get into trouble when they weren’t doing something of pressing importance at every moment. The past twenty days of deep space travel without a functioning hyperdrive had made that extremely clear. To make matters worse, Caleb was sore over the loss of Frumpkin, who had been kicked to shit by one of the kobolds who had managed to board the ship. Familiars, or animal companion droids, could be hard to maintain but he would be able to repair him, as long as he could acquire the necessary parts.  

 Caleb was relieved when their crew reached the front of the line, and came face to face with an overworked and obviously underpaid Kryn officer who looked at them all like she was awaiting her last breath. She was drow, an alien species that was related to the elves that had colonized so many planets during the first space expansion. However, unlike the other species of elves, they were originally an earth-dwelling species. Their coloration was dark and their sensitivity to light kept everything dim in the official buildings like the one they were currently in.   

“Welcome to the planet of Assarius, is this your first time entering the Xhorhas system?” the officer asked, her voice dull and bored. 

“Yeah, it is,” Beauregard said, not sounding impressed by this officer’s obvious existential crisis. 

“Very well, then you will have to undergo the registration process. I will need to prick your finger and gather a blood sample, and ask you a few questions so we can complete the registration questionnaire. Denial of this means you will not have access to the Xhorhas System and we will have to ask you to leave immediately.” 

“So...we all have to register our DNA to get anything here?” Beauregard demanded of the Kryn officer behind the glass, who looked like she wanted nothing more than to slide the glass closed on Beauregard’s face. “Isn’t that...like...extortion or something?” 

“Clearly you are not from around here,” the Kryn officer said pointing to the sign above the desk...written unhelpfully in the language of their culture. None of them spoke it, and with a quick type into his wristband STAFF he was about to cast Comprehend Languages for a translation when she seemed exasperated by their quietness and did the translating for them. “What you need is a Kryn certified Identification and Navigation Aid, or INAV, which you utilize to transfer credits and license your spacecraft. You only receive an INAV once you have registered with our offices, and to be registered you have your DNA filed with us. Not only is this process used to prove the legitimacy of our monarchs and members of our dens, but also, yes, to prove you are who you say you are when you are paying for goods and services. Unless you want to give blood every time you go to buy food, you get an INAV.”   

“How do we know you aren’t using our DNA for shady shit,” Nott asked suspiciously. 

“Lady, I just work here,” the Kryn official snapped, motioning to the ever expanding line of annoyed and tired travelers behind them. “Either let me do my damn job here or leave the solar system.” 

“Let’s not make her life more difficult than need be,” Fjord said as he held out his hand. She put a device like a heart-rate monitor on his finger and Fjord flinched as it made a small “psst” sound. She clicked the device back into the desk, and typed something into her computer. “My name is Fjord.”

“Last name?”

“Tough,” Nott supplied, and Fjord gave her a long look. 

“Tusktooth!” Jester chirped. 

“Just Fjord,” Fjord clarified. 

“Planet of origin?”

“Nicodranas.” 

“Business here in the Kryn Dynasty?”

“Ship repairs, and mercenary work.” 

“Take two steps to the left and maintain a neutral expression.”

Fjord did as she said, and a picture was taken. The woman tapped her screen, and a confirmation ding was made. Out popped a drive that was about the size of Caleb’s index finger. She demonstrated how it extended and a tiny holographic image of Fjord’s face and his basic information as well as the genetic marker appeared. It was then handed off. 

“Alright, next,” the officer said, voice somehow more clipped than it had been moments before. They went down the line, Caleb taking up the rear as they did. He wasn’t excited for this at all...after all the last thing he needed was more traces of him where the Empire could find him. But sometimes you had to take a risk, after all, it would be far more suspicious to tap out of the process here surrounded by Kryn officers. 

Caleb held out his hand and felt the pinch of a needle before it was retracted. 

“Name?” 

“Caleb Widogast.” 

“Planet of origin?” 

“Outer territory Rex-33, Settlement BLU-MENTHAL.” 

“Business here in the Kryn Dynasty?” 

“Mercenary work and droid repair,” he said, showing her the currently out of commission Frumpkin who was in his side-satchel.  

“Take two steps to the left and maintain a neutral expression.”

Caleb did so, and heard the sound of the picture being snapped. However after she tapped something into her screen there was a different noise. An obvious alert noise that had him immediately tense up. The officer stared at her screen for a moment, then back at Caleb and then back at her screen...clearly doing a double take. Before anyone could move, she waved at a senior officer behind her. He was a tall bugbear, and made a strangely funny picture as he leaned over the small drow. He frowned. 

“I’m sorry, sir. Can you check this? I must have entered something in wrong,” the officer said, her voice confused...but not angry or suspicious as she pointed to something on the screen. The senior officer looked at what she was pointing at and then popped out the INAV and extended it, inspecting the genetic code. He double checked it with the screen, seemed content with whatever he saw, and he exited out from the glass door separating the officers and the lines. 

“No, that’s correct. Nothing wrong with the intake,” the senior officer said before addressing Caleb and inspecting him closely. “Sir, have you ever registered DNA with our system before?”

“No, I’ve never been to this system before.”

“And how old are you?” 

“I’m 33 according to the Intergalactic Universal Standard Calendar,” Caleb said, frowning. 

“Human, right?” 

“I would be.” 

“Yeah, Minryna, that sample was catalogued approximately 850 years ago. There’s no way it’s been accidentally re-entered. It’s legit,” another senior officer called back to the one inspecting Caleb. Other clerks had stopped what they were doing and had gathered around the screen, and Caleb felt the pinprick of a thousand eyes behind him and a rising tide of whispers. 

“Well, Luxon bless me,” whistled the officer before looking at Caleb. “I guess it’s someone’s lucky day isn’t it?” 

“Lucky day?” Beauregard asked incredulously. 

“Forgive me for the long wait. Congratulations on your Recurrence,” the officer said holding out his hand. Caleb, numbly, took it and let it be shook before the officer opened the INAV and signed the bottom with his finger. It glowed a silver color, as opposed to the blue of the others. 

“Recurrence?” Caleb asked, feeling more and more confused by the moment. 

“Follow me,” the officer said, and the whispers behind him grew louder. Officers moved out to seperate them from the obviously curious crowd. 

“My friends…”

“Of course you may bring them as well. We’ll make sure your ship is taken care of post haste, we’ll probably need to take off from here within an hour..” 

“Wait where the hell are we going?” Beau demanded as they all walked. 

“Why are you saying congratulations?” Nott asked as they all entered an elevator, and the officer punched the 110th floor. It was traveling up at a dizzying speed, totally glass so you could see the work on each platform as they rose. 

“Genetics carry a sacred connotation in our society,” the officer explained. “I’m sure you have heard of our practice of consecution...of the soul being reborn through the power of the Luxon Beacon. However every person is unique. In the vastness of space and time it is of course possible for a genetic code to be reproduced exactly. We consider that to be a true rebirth, a Recurrence.” 

“So...my genetic code has occurred once before?” Caleb asked. This was far less incriminating then he had feared, but also that idea was terrifying on so many levels. He could barely handle himself...the idea that there had been another one of him running around at one point was dizzying and horrible. Who knows what he had gotten up to, knowing him. 

“Yes,” the officer said simply. 

“And Caleb was someone really cool before?”  Jester asked, sounding excited. “I read a holonovel sort of like this once! Of course the discovery was wayyy sexier but-!” 

“I don’t think this is very sexy,” Yasha said softly. 

“It is neat,” Caduceus said, sounding extremely impressed. 

“So where are we going right now?” Fjord asked, trying to get them all back on track. 

“I am taking you to the upper deck, where they handle Genetic Inquiries. We just get an alert that a Recurrence has occurred and the year of the genetic sample taken of the previous life...in theory that is. We certainly haven’t had any recorded cases of Recurrence within my lifetime. Anyways, they will be able to assist with other questions, including and not limited to who your previous incarnation was, and matters of any titles they may have left you in their will." 

“Wills? Like money?” Nott asked, her interest thoroughly peaked. 

“It’s common to leave parts of your will for a future recurrence, especially amongst the nobility.” 

“This is all strangely morbid,” Caleb said, unable to help the way his mouth quirked. 

“That’s very thoughtful,” Caduceus said with a nod. “We should all be considering our futures and how we would like our affairs put into order.” 

“Of course you are into that,” Fjord said with an incredulous shake of his head, though the look he shared with Caduceus was fond. Caduceus was from a race of aliens who worshiped a nature deity and were essentially stewards of the dead. His interest didn't surprise Caleb in the least. 

They were brought to an empty looking office...well, in comparison to the line they had just been in it was downright barren. A single goblinoid looked at them from behind a desk that was laden with stacks of tablets and papers. Behind her was a seemingly endless sea of files. 

"This is the one?" she asked, looking at Caleb and his flashing silver INAV. She held out her hand and he handed it to her. She opened it, inspected the contents and the signature and then signed it herself before turning to her computer. "Very well, let me just type in this and...here we go. C-12B-Jg73_E05_8." 

She suddenly pushed with her legs and went skating down the hall with her chair. It was attached to the ground glided along easily and then with a tap of a button she was sent up to a second level. The goblinoid tapped in some code, opened a file, retrieved a holodisk, and then with a lever pull she was returned. She plugged the external drive of the holodisk into the computer checking it and reading it quickly. She then reached to plug the holodesk into the INAV. She pointed at a long document that Caleb skimmed before going to the bottom and signing with his finger. 

"Very well, congratulations, my Lord," the goblinoid said. "This highlighted section is the section of the will devoted to you."

Caleb felt the others crowd him as the goblinoid spoke on the com in Undercommon. It didn't truly surprise him to see this script written in Proto-Zemnian. That means the person had been alive Pre-Calamity or at least 800 years ago. It made sense considering talk of 850 years ago. And of course if he did share DNA with someone, it also was somewhat comforting to know it was with another Zemnian. He recognized some of the script, but utilized his techno-magic to translate typing into his STAFF and approving the magical sequence. 

"What does it say?" Jester asked excitedly. 

"He isn't gonna tell us," Beau bemoaned, now officially caught up in the excitement. 

Caleb ignored them and read it out loud. 

"And to my future recurrence, if one should ever appear and claim my title, I leave two things. First, my journal of spellcraft. If you are anything like me I am sure you will find it interesting. Second, I leave my second home on the planet of Rosohna to you if it is still standing. Both can be collected from the arbiter of my will...my…" Caleb nearly choked over the next words. "My beloved. If he still lives." 

"Oh, he lives alright," the goblinoid said as grim looking guards appeared from the side door. "Best of luck with meeting you husband again!" 

-------------

>Personal Log Entry #365242

>Entered Intergalactic Standard Time 01:11

>Order: Record. 

Current success on project RESONANT ECHO has continued, using my STAFF I am capable of pulling a version of myself from a discarded timeline for limited amounts of time. This has been not only thrilling, but also frustrating. They are still limited in what they can accomplish. I may have to go back to traditional spellwork and iron out the details there before attempting again with a STAFF. Sometimes raw mana cannot substitute for good old fashioned components. 

On a more personal note, I have decided to bench my idea of pulling a Resonant Echo of another willing creature for now. Firstly, I have no willing creatures to test this idea on. My solitary nature has thwarted me again, unfortunately. And secondly...I am not sure I could bear the idea of success. I do not care much for the moral quandaries of such matters, and that isn’t what stops me. I only worry that it might put me on a path that is ill-advised for my mental health. The only thing more important than progress is being able to enjoy the fruits of my hard work. I am still my own greatest resource at the end of the day. 

>Postscript: Add obsidian to shopping list, to be delivered to my personal address. Order for the delivery service to leave the package with TOWER. 

>Completed transcription, would you like to save, override, or delete this file? 

>Order: Save. 

-------------------

Essek Theylss was in the most boring meeting of his whole life. Economics had never been his interest, though of course he understood them. He had been given a thorough education at his Den's hand, and being a long-lived species meant you had time to become knowledgeable in anything you desired. But, as always, he wished to be doing his own research as opposed to attending meetings. 

Just as he was making this wish, the meeting was interrupted by Taskhand Adeen.

"My Queen, forgive me for my interruption," the Taskhand said, as always his face was an impossible to crack study of ice. "But an urgent matter has just occurred, I was just informed of it by the guards. 

"Then speak," the Bright Queen ordered, now sitting at attention. 

"My Queen, it is news of the most importance. Shadowhand," he said suddenly, and Essek was thrown off guard because-him? What had been discovered? What one of his moving parts, his schemes, what-"there has been a Recurrence.  Congratulations, your husband returns." 

"What?" Essek asked as he stood and floated, the words hitting his skin and freezing over like icy rain. His brain, oddly, felt slow on the uptake. It was a thoroughly disorientating and dizzying experience. The words churning in a strange fog and then a rising panic. "I'm sorry, could you...could you repeat that?" 

"There has been a Recurrence of your husband, Shadowhand. He returns now, brought from Asarius. We have genetic confirmation from the Solar System database-" 

Essek knew his levitation dropped because suddenly there was a burst of pain in his knees. It was strange...suddenly he had no strength in his limbs...and his sight was swimming. Recurrence? His husband? No, it couldn't be true. His husband was gone, gone forever. Whoever this was...it wasn't him. It couldn't be him...he was just a stranger wearing his husband's face. Another ghost to torture him, to leave him behind-!

"Essek," a gentle, concerned voice said. "By the Luxon give the boy some room!" 

"Deep breaths," came another voice, echoing in his skull and rattling in his brainstem. "Deep breaths, Essek. In and out."

"Do we need a medbot? Merciful Light! What were you thinking, just springing that on him in public!" The Bright Queen...he knew it was the Bright Queen who chastised Adeen. He was following instructions, breathing in and out, and it was becoming easier to discern who was around him. The lights ceased their strobing, his heart receded from his throat and made it easier to swallow. The one keeping him from melting into the ground was Quana, the Dusk Captain and wife of the Bright Queen. The one coaching him through the essential process of breathing was the Skysybil. He was in the Bright Queen’s throne room. He wasn’t dying. He was having a panic attack. 

"Forgive me for my unsightly display," Essek said breathlessly, trying and failing at pulling himself together, welding the shards of his icy-exterior back where they belonged. This show of weakness...how could he have let himself succumb to that in public regardless of what was happening? There was always time later. 

"This is of course emotional for you," Quana said, with a gentle pat on his shoulder. "Your husband returns. Of course the feeling is overwhelming."  

"It is a joyous thing, a holy occurrence," the Bright Queen said, crossing the room and looking as radiant as a newly born star. "It is no weakness to be overwhelmed by the Divine. The Luxon has seen it fit to return your husband, and to give us all a sign of His favor. You must go and prepare for him, just as we must begin preparations to welcome him." 

The Luxon! As if the Luxon had anything to do with this! It isn't him, Essek wanted to scream. It isn't him! He's gone from my side forever. This stranger...it won't be him. This isn't divine...it's a cruel trick of fate and genetics. It isn't him, it isn't him. 

"Prepare, yes, I...I must prepare," Essek said before nearly fleeing the chamber before anyone could stop him. He must have teleported back, though all he felt was a blur of noise and light and suddenly he was there. Everything felt so strange. Nothing was right anymore. His usual sanctuary had been breached by the abnormal, and all he wanted was to make it stop.  

The hum of his levitation seemed to be the only noise that echoed from the halls of his home as he arrived. He sent the droids that acted as servants away, and slammed the door to the study close and locked it with a wave. For a moment he paused before continuing on in spite of his racing heart. The ocean between him and the desk seemed immense as he crossed it. Opening the locked compartment he removed his husband's will from inside gingerly. 

It has been at least a hundred years since he had looked at it. It was written on parchment...because of course it was, his husband had always been old-fashioned...even back then. He had kept it in a temperature and moisture controlled capsule to prevent decay ever since it had been written. He had memorized every line a long time ago, he was sure, and yet now looking at the last section he paused. The spell book and the summer home and that was it. On paper it was nothing. Hardly a blip on the radar of the vast wealth that Essek commanded at his fingertips. But he would have to give it up...more remnants of his husband that he clung to would disappear from his grasp forever.  

It wasn't fair, Essek thought, breathless with grief as he pulled his husband's spellbook from the same controlled compartment. He held back his tears stubbornly. Essek was unwilling to stain the cover of the well-loved book as he cradled it to his chest. Inside was his husband’s soul, the work that Essek had founded his magic on. This interloper would take from Essek what little he had left that he held sacred.

"Sir, your heart rate is elevated as is the saturation of stress hormones in your blood," TOWER, the AI that ran the home systems reported. The screen of his INAV lighting up the alert for Essek to see. "Are you in need of assistance?" 

"TOWER, what is the rate of Recurrence in the general population?" Essek asked, refusing to answer that question. There was no good answer, after all. Why waste his time? 

"The rate of Recurrence in the general population is one in ten trillion."

"One in ten trillion…" Essek murmured, truly grappling with that statistic for the first time in his life. He had heard that number before of course. Back when he was in school, in his courses meant to educate and indoctrinate him into the faith of the Luxon. But now it seemed so vast, so unlikely. Bards sang songs about this, subscribed entertainment was based on this. And yet somehow it was really happening to him. "And do these Recurrences...when they happen, is it reported that the person is...similar, to their previous incarnation?" 

"Physically identical, however the rate of Recurrence is so low there has not been the opportunity for true scientific studies on the phenomenon, sir. Only anecdotal accounts." 

"Give a general summary of the anecdotal accounts, TOWER,” Essek said with little patience. 

"It is theorized that though the core of a person may be written in genetics, environmental factors such as planet born, levels of sustenance during formative years, chemical and radiation exposure, family structure, socio-economic standing, and other psychological factors and epigenetics will have an effect on the individual. As such, the Recurrence may not be the exact same individual as the previous incarnation." 

"Good," Essek said as he finally drew in a breath. "Good...then this will just be an unpleasant meeting. But who knows? He may not be interested in the book and I'll be able to keep it." 

"Are you unhappy, sir? By my database's reading this is supposed to be a happy event." 

"Of course I am unhappy!" Essek snapped at the AI. "Some...some ghost wearing his face is coming here. A ghost who by sheer dumb luck is given a title to land and my husband's spellbook...and...well...my hand in marriage." 

"Would you consider it better or worse if he was the same as your husband, sir?" 

"Oh by the Nine Hells if I know!" Essek groaned. But he was lying to himself. Of course it would be worse if he was the same. If he was the same...if this ghost truly was his husband...Essek would fall apart at the seams. After all, there wasn't a worse fate than being happy, for all happiness turned to ash and ruin. He had a husband for only ninety years. In the lifespan of his people that was hardly a season, nothing worth fretting over. And yet, he was still so cold at night without him...he still woke some nights, expecting his husband to be beside him.  

Essek wouldn't go through it again. Not again, not ever. He wouldn’t allow it. 

"Contact the Theylss arbiter and have them prepare documentation for an annulment," Essek ordered TOWER as he stood. He looked towards the wide windows, the violet-blue interstellar clouds that shimmered with the radiance of distant stars. His garden called to him, his sanctuary pulled him to it like the indelible force of gravity.  He was one with it...drifting quietly as always. "I would like this to be over and done with quickly." 

Essek was about to say something else when the sound of a call going through interrupted him. He knew who it was without even looking, which is why he didn’t bother to say hello as the voice came through.  

"Essek," his Denmother said, her voice cold and commanding as her image appeared on the screen. "Congratulations. We have much to speak about."

---------------------- 

“What do you think your husband is like?” Jester asked curiously, bouncing in her seat in the flight deck. 

They were currently being escorted to Rosohna by the Echo-Knights, who’s speedy Moorbounder ships kept in tight formation around them. They had had their ship’s general needs repaired in record time, their ship restocked with supplies, and had been told that when they reached Rosohna their ship’s hyperdrive would also be taken care of free of charge. They had actually been offered a completely brand new ship that was so beautiful it had almost made Fjord cry. They had refused it, because as Beauregard pointed out if something was fucked with on their own ship, they would be able to tell easily. For now, considering the results of Nott and Caduceus’ quick investigation, it seemed like everything was fine and in working order. All of this somehow and for a reason that Caleb was still grappling with was due to the fact that Caleb was apparently married. 

“He’s not my husband,” Caleb murmured, arguing for the sake of arguing the point, though his protests sounded weak to his own ears the more he read about Recurrence and the significance it held to Xhorhassian society. 

“According to the laws of this Solar System, yeah, he is,” Beauregard said as she slid the holodisk at him and rotated the image so Caleb could read it. “Right there. Xhorhas General Law, Part 2, Title 3, Chapter 507, Section 258 on the validity of marriage. The clerk shall require written notice of intention of marriage, on forms furnished by the state registrar of vital records and statistics, containing such information as is required by law and also a statement of absence of any legal impediment to the marriage, to be given before such Xhorhassian accredited clerk under oath by both of the parties to the intended marriage. After a marriage is solemnized by an approved Dynasty religion or other official method, the marriage is considered binding until a time when an annulment is performed, see sections 280-320 for specifics. And then I looked down and here, in Section 283 it says, if one party to the marriage dies, the marriage vow is considered null and void and the living party shall receive the benefits given within the will, can apply for a remarriage, and shall be able to file for government aid if needed. However, if a Recurrence is found of the deceased the previous marriage shall be automatically renewed in the system and upheld until the time that both parties file for an annulment.”  

“Congratulations?” Fjord offered weakly. 

“Caleb isn’t married!” Nott half screamed. 

“It sounds like Caleb is married,” Yasha noted.  

“We don’t even know if this guy deserves Caleb!” Nott argued, nearly frothing at the mouth. 

“We are technically married until we file a divorce then,” Caleb clarified, feeling like his stomach was twisting in his belly. He wished desperately he had Frumpkin to hold, but the guards of Assarius hadn’t been able to supply the specialty parts he had needed. He had been told that they would be provided easily by his “husband’s” family.

His mind came back to the concept at hand. Marriage. Caleb wasn’t against the idea of marriage as a social construct. He had once even dreamed of marrying. He had wanted to marry the girl he loved more than anything else in this universe. He had planned to marry her, and die beside her in the name of his King and Empire in the great battles against the evil that threatened the security of that Empire. Of course, things didn’t turn out the way one planned… and apparently he had been married all along.  

“You are going to divorce him?” Jester asked, sounding heartbroken and drawing Caleb from his strange thoughts. “But what if he’s wonderful? What if you love him?”

“I can’t love someone I’ve never met before,” Caleb said, apologetically. 

“In a past life you did though,” Jester said, her pout deadly in its force. “That’s what Recurrence basically is, right? Being reborn.” 

“We would refer to it as reincarnation,” Caduceus added as he appeared with a teapot. He poured a cup for Caleb and gave his shoulder a gentle pat. Caleb accepted it, if only to have something to do with his hands. 

“It is a genetic anomaly,” Caleb argued, motioning at the page he was reading. “I understand that genetics and rebirth are an important aspect of the Dynasty’s religion but it’s just that. It’s just a religious belief. I don’t know this person that shared my DNA, but you wouldn’t assume that if I married someone that person would also be married to my identical twin, right?” 

“You have a twin?” Jester asked, her tail swishing excitedly. 

“I don’t have a twin,” Caleb sighed. 

“Twins don’t count as a Recurrence,” Beau mentioned. “Chapter 436, Section 23.” 

“I don’t...it was just an example. Besides, I’m sure it’s...I’m sure that person’s husband wouldn’t want to be married to me. I am not the person they loved.” 

“It must be painful for them,” Yasha said softly, eyes drawn dark with grief. “But I’m sure they might be grateful too. There isn’t much…”

Yasha trailed off, but Caleb didn’t need to hear the rest. After all, Caleb was also well versed in the language of grief. Yasha was right, there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for the chance to at least glimpse at the faces of the people he had loved the most again. 

"Den Theylss though, I've heard they are a huge deal in these parts," Fjord said quietly, tapping the steering thoughtfully. "They are one of the three most powerful families in the Kryn Dynasty, second only to the Bright Queen's den. When I was running the merchant routes back in the day, the merchant ships that came out here always said that the three dens own thirds of the Dynasty." 

"Maybe you ought to stay married to this dude," Beauregard said seriously. "He's rich. Their family did just totally mostly fix our ship in a day." 

"I want to be kind to him," Caleb said, and left it at that. 

They arrived shortly after. Rosohna was a distant planet, it’s orbit kept it approximately seven years out of the light of the sun and gave it one year with seasons. In space, it showed like a glittering jewel. It was the founding planet of the Kryn Dynasty, where the Bright Queen raised her people from the shadows underground and led them to the space age. As they entered the hemisphere Caleb immediately noticed the brightness of the city that built itself silver into the dark exterior as they landed on the loading dock.  

“Alright folks, gear up, let’s rock and roll,” Fjord said standing up. 

“Aye, aye Captain Tusktooth!” the rest of the crew shouted back, before grabbing the necessities and disembarking off the Balleater. 

They were met immediately by a group of Drow, one of the natural inhabitants of Rosohna. There were all dressed in robes, shaded darkly but with touches of glitter and shimmer, enough to catch the low light. That separated them from the woman who walked before the rest of the group. She was dressed the most exquisitely, in a dress made like it was gathered from violet clouds that moved and shimmered with an almost iridescent quality. Her silver hair was pulled back high on her head, and her ears were decorated with what had to be thousands of credits worth of jewels. 

“You stand before Deirta Theylss, Umavi of Den Theylss,” one of the group said. Fjord immediately bowed, and everyone else followed suit. When Caleb rose from his bow, he saw Deirta’s eyes raking over his face intensely. She was an attractive woman, older in the almost imperceptible way elves aged, but cold and austere. Something about her gaze set him on edge immediately. 

“How fascinating,” she said, reaching out to take Caleb’s chin. She turned him this way and that, and Caleb resisted every instinct in his body that screamed at him to shy away from this woman. He didn’t like looking people in the eye normally. This forced contact made his skin crawl. “It is truly, utterly breathtaking...how much like him you look. An absolutely perfect match if my memory serves. There is no doubt, we have been blessed by a true Recurrence. The Luxon truly shines it’s Light upon us and our den on this day.” 

She released him and folded her hands in her sleeves. Caleb could feel the rest of the Mighty Nein draw close to him, a semi-circle of protection that grounded him the present and kept him from scratching the skin off his arms. 

“It has been...a lot for a day and a half,” Caleb admitted, swallowing nervously. He understood the wariness of the others now. There were eyes on them everywhere, almost all of the movement in the hanger had ceased. 

“I am just happy to welcome my son in law home,” Deirta said with a smile that did not reach her eyes. “There is much we must discuss, of course. But the first order of business is the Reintroduction, the second is the will.” 

“Reintroduction?” Jester asked. 

“Between him and Essek, my son,” Deirta said. Essek. No one had yet said his name to Caleb. Essek Theylss was his husband by law in the Kryn Dynasty, a man that Caleb had never met before. He had the insane urge to speak it out loud, to run the name over his lips, as if that might spark something in him other than crippling anxiety. “This will be followed by the meeting with the Bright Queen tomorrow.”

“The Bright Queen?” Nott and Jester and Fjord and Beau all demanded at once, one with suspicion, one with excitement, and the other two with abject disbelief.

“You all clearly do not appreciate the cultural significance of Recurrence,” Deirta said lightly as they all walked to the transport ship. They were seated in a flying craft, with a large see-through lid that was sent up through a channel and then ported them out to the city itself. For a moment Caleb was too dazzled by the silver city itself, and almost didn’t hear Deirta’s command. “Smile for the cameras.” 

“Cameras?” Caleb asked before nearly yanking his own head back at the sight of the huge holo-screens lining the streets that lit up with their image. There was the sound of cheering audible from even up there. Jester waved manically, as well as Cad and Yasha...a bit more shyly.  

“You, child, are a phenomenon that occurs 1 out of 10 trillion,” Deirta said cooly, though she smiled sweetly for the camera that tracked her wave and the movement of the craft. “And even less likely to be discovered. You demonstrate the most sacred law of our deity, the chance for true rebirth. In such times as these, you are proof of the divine nature of our lives. And as if that were not enough, you are husband to a Theylss. Not just any Theylss either, son of the Umavi, Shadowhand to the Bright Queen, and considered to be one of the great beauties of our people. Any one of them would kill to be in your position." 

“You’re wrong,” Caleb argued as they passed the holo-screens and continued on, towards a castle of silvered metal towering from the ground. “I’m just...I’m just Caleb.” 

A murderer, a fugitive, a crazed lunatic, a self-made orphan, perhaps. But proof of the divine? Only if the divine was looking for a cosmic joke. 

“Perhaps before today,” Deirta said as she looked towards the castle. “Not anymore."

Soon enough they were out of the city proper and into the Firmaments District, as the captain of the ship informed them. The Bright Queen’s Cathedral was a massive castle-ship, currently docked in place and surrounded by the high pearly white walls that separated her and her court from the people of Rosohna. In the district behind were the houses of the other most prominent dens, laid out amongst the maze-like streets like small treasure chests. 

“Your friends shall stay with me in my household as honored guests,” Deirta Theylss ordered as they moved down to street level and moved through the city streets. She turned her seat to face them. “We shall go to your home to meet with your husband.” 

“No! Caleb doesn’t go alone!” Nott argued fiercely, planting herself firmly in front of Deirta as if she were three feet taller. “Either I go with Caleb, or he doesn’t go anywhere.” 

"The same goes for me," Beauregard said, crossing her arms in front of her chest, flexing the muscles there. She made a much more terrifying picture as Yasha sidled up beside her and echoed the same motion. Jester joined with Nott. 

"The Might Nein stays together," Fjord said, placing a hand on Caleb's shoulder, as did Caduceus. 

"Very well, I'm sure Essek will make the appropriate arrangements," Deirta said before turning to the officer who was piloting the transport craft. "Fine, go to Essek's residence." 

"Yes, my lady. Sit down, we'll arrive within a few moments,” the pilot of the transport ship said before closing the hatch and separating Deirta in the Captain's quarters from the Mighty Nein. 

"I don't think I like her," Jester hissed as she plopped down in her seat again and crossed her arms over her chest. "Your mother-in-law is mean." 

"She doesn’t have to be kind, she is an Umavi," Beau grumbled. "That’s like super nobility, but besides that she's a politician first, did you see the way she set us up?" 

Besides just the political boost, there was a more obvious reason now that he thought about it. Of course she wanted his face plastered on every holo-screen in the Dynasty. Now everyone would know his face, Caleb realized. She was far more shrewd then Caleb had given her credit for. If he tried to do something stupid, like escape without a functional hyperdrive in his ship, everyone on this side of the universe would know who he was. Tightening the noose, Caleb thought, his breathing suddenly funny in his throat. 

"This is all very complicated now," Caduceus said worriedly before stopping. "Are you alright, Caleb?" 

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Caleb admitted, gripping his hands hard to keep them from shaking. 

"Oh no, Caleb," Jester said, immediately taking residence at his side. 

“It’ll be alright,” Nott worried his shirt quietly before gathering his hands in hers. “It’ll be alright. I promise. We’ll find a way to get out of this, I promise.” 

“Thank you, my little friend,” Caleb said weakly, letting Nott press a kiss to his forehead. 

“Let’s be prepared, who knows what could happen,” Fjord said, looking seriously out at the street. 

They arrived at a residence that was really three towers connected by walkways on the ground and above. The towers themselves had a uniquely antique feel in the city so smooth and chrome, built to resemble stone. However in the flickering low lights they revealed a glittering effect. On the top of the tower spun some sort of mechanism that shifted like gears and seemed to be measuring something. Caleb’s curiosity was thoroughly peaked, though, he wasn’t sure that this was the appropriate time to sate his curiosity. 

A servant-droid greeted them at the door to the front tower, bowing before Lady Theylss. She didn’t give the droid a single glance. 

"Where is my son?" Deirta asked shortly, brushing out her skirts though there were no folds or wrinkles to be seen. 

"In the gardens, my Lady," the droid stated. 

"Of course," she sighed tiredly. “Lead us there.” 

They walked through the tower to the walkway between the towers. There was a garden, filled with Glowing Nightblooms, a flower that when blooming cast soft blues and violets and whites into darkness. He had read about them before. They were a staple in the cheap credit a dozen novels he brought from outposts or second hand merchants, but seeing them in person was another. The path led them past crystal statues of geometric shapes that made light fracture into rainbows and painted the air vibrantly. The garden circled a pond, a dark tranquil pool that was so still that it was almost a perfect mirror with the star-filled sky. A single small shrine stood in the middle of it. And there in the center a person standing before the shrine...almost appearing like a ghost as silver incense smoke curled in the air.  

"My son, come and greet your husband," Deirta said. The figure turned from the shrine, he crossed the lake. Caleb had been to the edge of the galaxy itself, and yet he didn’t think he had ever seen a more handsome man before. He was composed of sharp edges and elegant lines, his skin a smooth and peerless dark plum, and his hair perfectly tamed and coiffed. There were no ripples as he moved-no-skimmed across the water’s edge as weightless as fog. He arrived on the stone path, and immediately knelt, expensive dark robes shifting as he did. 

"Welcome home, my beloved," Essek said, bowing deeply enough to press his forehead to his fingers. Geometrical earrings caught the light, as did an impressive, elaborate mantle that was settled upon his neck."I have been awaiting your arrival.”

“Please, lift your head,” Caleb half-begged, feeling flushed and oddly ashamed. He hadn’t done anything to deserve this act of devotion from this complete stranger. 

“I hope you have found everything suitable," Essek said as he continued to bow, pointedly ignoring his request. Caleb could almost sense Deirta gloating from where she stood a few feet behind him. 

"Your home is...it's beautiful," Caleb said, not sure if the words even came out past his panicked choking. 

"It is your home as it is mine, I am happy it pleases you," Essek said as he stood effortlessly, robes swaying as he did so. The silver of his eyes illuminated his face, flecked with pale blue and violet in the shifting light of the pond and flowers. His expression was hard to read, though his mouth curled up in a soft almost-smile. "I am Essek Theylss, son of Deirta Theylss, Shadowhand of the Bright Queen."

"Caleb. Caleb Widogast," Caleb said softly. 

"Caleb," Essek said, something flickering upon the surface and dissipating just as quickly. "And your guests?"

"My friends. The Mighty Nein." 

"TOWER," Essek called, and a screen lit up along the wall. "Make sure the service droids prepare rooms for my husband's friends." 

"Your will shall be done, sir," the AI stated. 

"In your room you shall find both the spellbook and the deed to the home as stated in the will," Essek said, tone businesslike...formal. Caleb wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. Perhaps crying? Screaming? Anger or sadness or grief? And yet Caleb saw none of that as he looked at this stranger. There was only politeness...a cool sort of acceptance. "Both already confirmed by the arbiter and myself. Are you capable of translation or will you need assistance?" 

"Ja, I can," Caleb said lifting his wrist to show his staff. Essek reached out his hand and offered it expectantly...and Caleb did the only thing he could think of and laid his wrist in Essek’s grasp. His touch was cold and fingers soft, and just that was enough to raise goosebumps along his skin. 

“I have never seen this model of a STAFF,” Essek said, inspecting the device, interest sparking in his gaze. It was the first truly genuine thing he had seen from this man who was meant to be his husband, and it soothed something in his heart. Caleb caught a glint of a STAFF upon Essek’s own wrist as well. 

“I...ah...I built it myself,” Caleb admitted. “I could not afford one with the specs I desired, so one has to do what they must.” 

"Then we have that in common, I also built my own staff. You are a techno-mage, I see," Essek said, sounding unsurprised. "Wizard speciality I assume?" 

"I...yes, how did you…?"

"He was the same," Essek said quietly, releasing Caleb’s wrist. Essek didn’t need to say who “he” was, they both knew. Caleb drew it back, and resisted the urge to stroke the place where Essek had touched. His skin still tingled from the touch. “Is there anything else you all required?”

“Ah...my familiar,” Caleb said, opening his satchel to show the limp body of the companion-droid. “I would like to fix him, do you know where I can get the materials?” 

“As you may have noticed, I employ droids heavily. I have droid-repairing materials here, TOWER shall acquire for you whatever you need,” Essek promised. He paused before looking to Deirta. "I am sure you have more you wish to discuss with me, Umavi."

"Yes," she said, without a scrape of anything resembling maternal love or affection. Instead there was only business. 

"Very well, we will speak in my office. I shall take my leave now," Essek said, turning to address them all. "If there is anything you require, you may call for the home AI, TOWER." 

And with that, he drifted past them with the Umavi, leaving them all alone. Caleb felt that he could finally breathe as soon as he was gone. 

“Wow...this is just like that scene in Tusk Love,” Jester said, steepling her fingers and looking starstruck. 

“What part of Tusk Love?” Nott asked curiously. 

“The scene where Genieveve meets her fiance, you know, the one her dad wants her to marry instead of Oskar?” Jester asked. “And the fiance totally tries to seduce her over dinner by giving her that beautiful red dress and the necklace made of lumincrystal?” 

“Oh! I love that part, especially when the fiance put his hand-” Nott started. 

“I don’t think this is like that,” Fjord said, interrupting warily. 

“If anything I don’t think it was horny enough,” Beau complained. “Like...did this guy even like his husband? He sure as fuck didn’t act like it. Like, if I spent two weeks away from the person I loved the most I would be shoving them into the nearest supply closet with me. Imagine hundreds and hundreds of years!” 

“Would you?” Fjord asked incredulously, and Beau elbowed him hard. 

“We all deal with loss in our own ways,” Caduceus said as he looked on at the shrine still settled in the pond like a cloud in the sky. “But he loved his husband...that’s for sure.”

“What makes you say that?” Caleb asked, swallowing in an attempt to wet his tongue.

“Such a fine grave could only be upkept with devotion,” Caduceus said, motioning to the small shrine. And as Caleb watched the single curl of white smoke still rising from the incense, carved words upon marble meticulously polished he realized that Caduceus was right. This wasn’t a shrine...it was a grave. “It’s beautiful.” 

 Caleb looked away, unable to quell the ache in his chest. 

------------------

 He spent a good portion of the evening tinkering and repairing Frumpkin with the materials provided. He was unable to explain his relief when the usual start-up menu appeared in their shared link. The feline-droid meowed happily at being reawoken, and spent a long time cuddling up with Caleb and performing his usual therapeutic routines, before settling to be charged. After that he worked on reading over the spellbook that had been given to him, marveling at the notes (trying not to think about the handwriting that was his own from the way he crossed his z’s to the dashes he used for his i’s). The Mighty Nein ate dinner together, with Essek noticeably absent from the halls and rooms. They were given a spread of traditional Xhorhassian cuisine prepared by the servant droids, and Caleb came to the realization that there was not a single living servant in the home. They were all given their own rooms, and set to retire in them. It was decided to play nice...to make the show of gratitude. If there was one constant in almost every culture across the universe, it was to know better than to trample on hospitality given. 

“What do you want to do?” Nott asked him nervously before they separated for bed. 

“I don’t know…” Caleb admitted, scrubbing at his face with his hands as he watched Frumpkin charge. “I get the feeling they aren’t going to let me leave so easily.” 

“They said the hyperdrive would be fixed in seven days. That’s the soonest we’ll be able to escape,” Nott said softly, close enough that any bugs that may have planted in the room wouldn’t have caught it. “Think about it, but don’t worry, you're stuck with me regardless of what you want to do, alright?”

“Alright,” Caleb said, catching Nott’s eyes and smiling. And he tried to sleep...he did. But his mind was racing, and finally he could do nothing but leave the room. He figured a quick walk around would settle him, and did his best to memorize the corridors and stairs and rooms he could enter. All information at this point was power, things he could use to get the upper hand in a game that he felt completely outclassed by. 

Eventually though...he found himself back  in the cloisters...the high arches and beautifully carved pathway to the garden. And he wasn’t alone, as he soon discovered. Essek stood solitary, next to a pillar looking out onto the pond and the grave. The flowers themselves were pale as a moon, glowing with a soft ethereal iridescence that almost seemed to float up to the clouds of violet and amber dust. 

Caleb drew in a breath, and Essek stiffened. A slender dark hand curled against the pillar, but he didn’t move. 

"I'm sorry," came the voice from the figure. The accent was smooth, voice soft and thoughtful. He did not turn, and somehow just that felt more genuine then any words they had exchanged thus far. He sounded exhausted, and so very apologetic...as trapped and frustrated as Caleb did. "I'm sure this all must be very difficult...I know this has been the strangest two days of my life." 

"Ja, I would say so," Caleb said, and watched as the figure cringed. Oh...his voice. It must be the same or at least similar to...to his real husband. "I am the one who should be apologizing...I'm sure this has been harder for you in more ways than I could ever comprehend." 

“If you are as alike as I fear, I would say that isn’t true,” Essek said, the tired tones of his voice biting into Caleb’s skin. “My husband was always an intelligent man...and always managed to surprise me with his inopportune insights. If you are like him...then there is little hope that you wouldn’t understand me...and I’m afraid that’s far more terrifying than the alternative.” 

“All I can do is apologize it seems,” Caleb murmured. “Apologize and hope that you accept that as my truth.” 

For a long moment Essek didn’t respond, and he wondered if this was Essek’s way of asking him to leave. Caleb was about to...to say something when Essek shifted instead. 

"My husband…" Essek started, faltered and then straightened his shoulders, still refusing to look his way. "I can’t explain it, no matter how much I desire to. His love sustained me through so much. He was one of the first humans to voyage to the stars and come to this distant shore. He was brilliant and kind and so much better than me in almost every way. I love him...even so many years after his death...he has been the only one I have ever loved." 

"I do not...I wouldn't ever presume…" Caleb started...but faltered. What could he say to make this better? There were no words he could summon in this language or his mother tongue to even scratch the surface of this situation. Instead his voice petered out, running out of gas. 

“There will be many things asked of you soon,” Essek said, retracting his hand from the pillar and slipping it into his sleeve. “I am just sorry I will not be able to spare you from it...from all of it.”

“What do you mean?”

He turned around, and Caleb’s breath left his lungs. He was as beautiful as the heavens unfurling in the hours of twilight, a single solitary figure against the quiet light. Instead of drawing near, he seemed to recede further into the shadow cast by the pillars. His expression was empty...there was nothing there, simply a reflection. 

“I have been informed there will be no annulment,” he said cooly, as if he were talking about the weather. “We shall have a Vow Exchange and Marriage Ceremony in seven rotation’s time.”

“They would have us married?” Caleb asked in shock. 

“Remarried technically, as by law you are my husband.”

“Do they have no concerns for your feelings?” Caleb asked, suddenly infuriated for Essek’s sake. 

“I have none to be concerned about...not anymore,” Essek said softly as he drifted forward. He didn’t walk, that was certain. Instead he moved as if buoyed in his own gravitational field. “I am a loyal subject to my Queen first, a child of my mother’s den second, a citizen of the Dynasty third, and a person last. I have a duty I must fulfill...and by marrying you, I shall be furthering the aims of my government through the greatest single act of propaganda we have seen since our Queen’s famous speech at the Breach. Though I have nothing to do with that, after all, I have been told that I am living the romance of the millenium. I should be very grateful.”

“Seven rotations?” Caleb echoed. A week, a single week. That was how long it would take for the hyperdrive to be fixed. The same day...of course it had to be the day that he was sure the entire solar system of Xhorhas would be watching him. Nothing could ever be easy...he didn’t deserve that much. 

“If you are planning on escaping...well...I wish you the best of luck,” Essek said with a wry smile, a glint of fang twisting up Caleb’s heart. “I doubt you will get far. My mother has told me that this shall be the single most lavish affair our people have seen since the last marriage between the Bright Queen and the Dusk Captain, and no expense will be spared for things like security.”   

“It isn’t right,” Caleb argued, blood pulsing hot and rapid in his veins. The injustice of it wrenched at his insides. “It isn’t fair, that they should treat you like some...some tool! I-”

Suddenly, Essek crashed right into Caleb’s chest. Hands balled into Caleb’s shirt with bruising force, and he stood there dumbly as Essek pressed his face more firmly to his shoulder and shuddered as if he carried the weight of the whole planet upon his shoulders. 

“It’s not fair,” Essek gasped, voice fracturing into a million pieces. Bitter and desperate and hopeless and overwhelming. “Why does it have to be this way? You even feel like him...smell like him! Please...please stop being kind to me. Push me away...run from me, hurt me. Stop sounding like him! Stop...stop talking like him. I beg of you...I beg of you. If you stay...I won’t be able to let you go again. I’ll do anything I can to stop you. I’ll be cruel, and vicious, and I’ll hurt everyone and anything that gets in my way. That’s the way I am. I am the most selfish creature that ever crawled upon the surface of any planet. So please...abandon me.” 

“You are a victim too,” Caleb said, instinctively wrapping his arms around Essek’s waist. He felt so slender in his arms...so delicate, like he was a shard of the universe...like he would disappear if he held him too long. And despite everything...it felt so right. It was just an illusion, brought on by the stress. He had never held Essek before...but he could almost imagine it with how wonderful it was. “Will you forgive me...for trying to find a way to save us both?” 

“Never,” Essek said, looking up at him. His eyes were silver like the moon-dust freckles that shimmered upon his skin, glittering with tears. “I’ll never forgive you. Just gazing upon you gives me a glimpse of that which I most desire, and even if you are just a shade if you stay I will pursue you. Don’t you understand? I am your greatest enemy. So you must go...you must escape without ever looking back at me.”

“Won’t they hurt you? How could I just leave you?” Caleb demanded. “You are innocent. I won’t damn an innocent again for my sins...never.” 

“Innocent? Ha! Abandon that pride of yours, Light damn it! Why don't you understand? The only thing I can do is protect you from me!"  

"I won't. If I leave you here...like this, what will happen to you?" 

"Nothing I don't deserve after everything I've wrought," he said bitterly, pulling away and leaving his arms so empty and bereft of purpose. "Caleb...I have done everything to deserve this fate, I see that now. This is my punishment, but it is not yours. Escape, Caleb. Escape the Kryn Dynasty. Escape my fate. Escape me. That alone...it will be enough for me for the rest of eternity." 

Essek disappeared into the shadows, leaving Caleb behind. 

[soysaucevictim]

Week 4.

-

Jan. 23

I woke up proper after 11AM. Definitely underslept.

After a bit of the usual and chatting, I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ bouncing on the spot with EC. I counted 256 reps completed by the end. An enjoyable exercise, all told!

Last, Chapter 19 of the AoP. First task was traveling again, 42TP this time. Level 2, as high knees, split into 12+10+10+10.

Decided to pick the first option of attacking the men that captured another character. Did things at Level 4, capitalizing on that Mountain Man Perk (meant 6 sets instead of 7, and a max rest period of 2′.) Probably the least pleasant aspect were the jump knee tucks - just because of their explosiveness. But handily done.

I then spent some time updating logs again. Spent rest of the night on the usual and worked on writing Begotten!AU stuff. I’m having a lot of fun with that!

Got to bed obscenely late again, if a tiny bit earlier than yesterday.

-

Jan. 24

I woke up after 1PM.

After a little bit of the usual, I did my exercise for the day.

First, today’s DD. 2′ palm strikes with EC (swapped sides at 1′). I counted 136 reps by the end of it.

Last, Chapter 20 of the AoP. First segment was traveling, 43TP. Level 2, as high knees, split into 13+10+10+10.

Did the workout proper at Level 3 (15 sets), max rests (1′). Given the large amount of half-jacks and high knees  I did think wearing shoes was a good idea... but did it barefoot anyways. I was also modestly tempted to stop and Level 2, but I decided to keep going.

A bit of the usual before doing Movie Night again with a friend. We watched “Edward Scissorhands“ and “Monty Python and The Holy Grail“. It was a fun little romp.

I got to bed roughly the same time as yesterday, but I did get some more writing in.

-

Jan. 25

I woke up after 1PM. Did my exercise shortly after that.

First, today’s DD. 20 commandos with EC. A bit sloppy, but was a good idea to wear long sleeves/

Last, Chapter 21 of the AoP. Today was pretty simple, 2 exercises and a quota to reach within a single workout. I did both of them in one go. 100 slow climbers really got tough after the first 50, but I dug in and tried to keep my pace steady and slow (arms felt that one. 200 front kicks were done in 50/50/50/50 - I could’ve halved this because of the Mountain Men Perk but opted not to this time (kicks are fun, man).

Did some writing before making today’s Hello Fresh meal. Sesame soy beef bowls. It was alright.

After dishes and the usual, did some more writing. Got to bed a bit later than yesterday.

-

Jan. 26

I woke up after 1PM. Did my exercise shortly after that, again.

First, today’s DD. 30 alt arm/leg raise with EC. Only particularly awkward part was not managing my floorspace efficiently, limbs occasionally tapped object in room. But doable.

Last, Chapter 22 of the AoP. Today’s WO was pure combat work and very fun. I did things at Level 3 and without the Mountain Men Perk active because I just enjoyed it so much (full 7 sets, max 1′ rest.)

For the presented choice point, I opted to reason with this character again, Option B.

A lot of the usual + some writing for the rest of the night. I did manage to get to bed a couple hours earlier than yesterday... but still in the red zone.

-

Jan. 27

I woke up after 1PM

I spent time finally getting around to making some appointments and trip reservations. A mild stressor - but at least it would eliminate some ambient stress to worry about for a bit.

After that, I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2; elbow plank with EC. This certainly took some digging - was really tempting to drop in the last ~30″. But glad I could manage alright.

Last, Chapter 23 of the AoP. Did the workout proper at Level 3 today (7 sets, 20 reps of each exercise.) I THOUGHT about going for Level 2, but found it in me to keep going at the load I started off at. Let’s just say I savored the whole 2′ rests between sets. orz

I then made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Tuscan chickpea, kale, & tomato soup. I personally greatly enjoyed it. Didn’t really hear any complaints, but I still wound up eating most of it’s leftovers over the next few days...

After some dishes, spent rest of day on the usual and some writing. Went to bed obscenely late again - later than yesterday.

-

Jan. 28

I woke up around 1PM, I think? (Lapsed on record-keeping for a bit there.)

One of the first things I did today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 butterfly sit-ups with EC. Had a false start trying lock into the rhythm of coordination for this exercise. But I got into the swing of things shortly after without needing to go for anchor assist. I’m happy about that!

Last, Chapter 24 of the AoP. First section was traveling again. I had to cross 46TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, split into 16+10+10+10. Doable work.

Workout proper, I went through Level 3 again (5 sets, 2x15 push-ups per set.) Savored the full 2′ rests and noted my push-ups got sloppy again. But I still felt it enough to need to dig in. Oof.

I also invited Dicer and Morse into my camp again.

Spent most of my day on the usual + some more writing stuff.

Got to bed in the red zone, but dramatically earlier than yesterday.

-

Jan. 29

I woke up around 1PM, I think, again?

Aft a bit of the usual, I did the only exercise on today’s agenda, the DD. 1′ squats with EC. I counted 35 reps completed in the time given.

Made some frozen casserole for dinner. Spent most of the day on the usual + writing some more.

... got to bed obscenely late again.

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

Better Living Through Surgery: Life with Less Cancer!

[Originally posted August 13, 2020]

Hello from Penn Hospital!

Not to worry - I haven't been here the entire time since my last post, although I did end up spending an entire week in the hospital. Right now I'm sitting in the outdoor section of the cafeteria, which might be a mistake given that I'm not allowed to eat anything until after my CT scans at 1pm. The CT scans are part of my preparing to resume treatment for the rest of the cancer that's still in my body. The last time I had chemo was June 23rd and I've now hit the sweet spot of being a month past my mastectomy (so, mostly recovered) and out of other treatment long enough that I'm not suffering side effects any longer. It feels...almost like I don't have cancer at all.

Two Surgeries for the Price of...Two!

Let me back up a bit to the surgery though. I'd like to report that everything went totally smoothly...and it sort of did! Except that I had to have two surgeries because it also sort of didn't. As usual, what happened to me was super rare (less than 1% of cases!) and I would like to submit a formal retraction of any wishes I had to be exceptional. I've read "The Monkey's Paw." I know to be careful what I wish for. (Although, actually, I'm lying because I still plan to be the exception to the median life expectancy of those with my particular type and stage of cancer. If I have to be in the 1% of cancer cases it ought to be a good thing at least once.)

I had two surgeons for the two parts of my first surgery: one for the mastectomy (removing that incredibly stubborn initial tumor) and one for a "flap reconstruction," which used my own tissue (from my stomach - free tummy tuck!) to build a replacement. When they do that second part, they also take a blood supply so that a substantial part of it is vascular surgery. The reason that the reconstruction ever fails is if something goes wrong with the blood supply. If that happens, it's nearly always (99% of the time!) within 24 hours. What happened in my case was that everything went well with the surgery, even though it took about 7 hours, and I was recovering well and quickly. I was set to go home after my third night in the hospital (so, on Thursday).

Overnight on Wednesday, however, something went wrong with the blood supply. The new tissue was filling but not draining. What they later learned, once they rushed me back into the OR, was that the vein in it had a blood clot. They were able to fix it by taking a vein from my ankle to replace it. So basically that reset the clock on my recovery so that I ended up having to stay an additional three nights, going home on Sunday. (My initial surgery had been on a Monday.) It's actually extremely lucky that I was still in the hospital, despite how sad I was at having to stay. If I had been at home, far away from experts and surgeons, the tissue probably would have died and the reconstruction would have failed. It was a close thing since I was set to go home.

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital doesn't need a reminder of how, despite everyone's best intentions it is pretty terrible. I hadn't spent a night in the hospital since I was a newborn, despite all my various treatments, so I didn't know. Now I do and I never want to go back. The hardest part is that they have to wake you up almost constantly for vitals and to assess how the blood supply is doing (listening for arterial and venus sounds). For the first day after each surgery this was every 30 MINUTES, then every HOUR, then finally (on my final night) every 2 hours. And I'm the kind of person who's AWAKE as soon as I wake up. So I essentially didn't sleep more than an hour at a time until the bitter end when a nice nurse got a nice doctor to give me some kind of sedative so that I was able to sleep through the checks. I don't have a kid, so let me just say that this level of sleep deprivation was like nothing I had ever experienced. I see why the CIA used it as a form of torture. I'm a veteran of being tired and of many different kinds of fatigue but never have I been unable to get into REM sleep for so long. I am eager to avoid it at all costs again.

I had been more worried about the boredom than the lack of rest (because, at least on paper, the hospital seems like a place where you would mostly be resting/recovering) and it was indeed very boring. I was SO tired that I wasn't able to really do anything like read a novel, knit, or even really watch TV. I did binge a few podcasts, return to some more "Buffy," and attempt to chat to my parents when they could be there. The COVID visitor policy made it even more isolating and lonely than it would usually be. I was only allowed one "designated visitor" per day so my mom and dad switched off on who that was. Visitors could only be in the room and, once you left, you were gone for the day. So, for example, it's not like my mom could say hi in the morning, pop out and get us lunch, and then come back. All visiting was consolidated for the day. That meant that I tried valiantly to be good company for a few hours, but I imagine mostly I was too exhausted to accomplish that.

I took laps around the hallway (in my mask), which was actually a big achievement especially given the four surgical drains that I had (and left the hospital with). It's amazing how quickly you can lose conditioning in your muscles...and also how exhausting it is for your body to have been, essentially, assaulted and be dealing with wounds. That said, I've been super impressed by my body's healing capacity. I got the drains out within a week for one set and 10 days for another. After that, it was much easier to feel like I was healing and returning to normal. I'll have to rebuild my abdominal muscles, since that part of the surgery involved cutting them (and a new hip-to-hip "smile" scar), and for now I still can't bend all the way over, stand up totally straight (did I ever?), or lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk (because of the reconstruction). I'll probably need some physical therapy, but the ability my body has shown to heal is incredible.

Also incredible is the difference it has made to my mood and anxiety. In the hospital, they kept asking me for my pain number (which is kind of a useless exercise anyway, in my opinion) and I kept sort of shrugging and saying "2? 3?" to their disbelief. After all, I had open wounds! I had two major surgeries! But the pain of the tumor itself (and especially of the fluid-filled cyst on top of it) had been constant, increasing, and worrying. The pain of the tumor had meant my treatment was failing me and that my cancer was getting worse. The pain of the surgery meant I was healing so I embraced it. I still get tired more easily than I expect and am sure that the recovery period for this is going to turn out to be longer than I anticipate. But it is a huge relief.

That Bastard Tumor

Now, sadly, they don't actually save your cancerous tumor for you to look at after the surgery. (Honestly sad about this. I wanted to look it in the eye!) But they did send it off to a pathologist. The results made me feel very vindicated in my persistent sense that something about this bastard of a tumor was just DIFFERENT (and worse). They found that it had areas in it that were metaplastic, meaning (essentially) that the cells are hybrid, aggressive, and chemo-resistant. Here's what Johns Hopkins has to say about it:

"Metaplastic breast cancer is a rare form of breast cancer, accounting for fewer than 1% of all breast cancers.  It differs from the more common kinds of breast cancer in both its makeup and in the way it behaves.

Like invasive ductal cancer, metaplastic breast cancer begins in the milk duct of the breast before spreading to the tissue around the duct.  What makes a metaplastic tumor different is the kinds of cells that make up the tumor.

When the cells of an invasive ductal tumor are examined under a microscope, they appear abnormal, but still look like ductal cells.  Metaplastic tumors may contain some of these breast cells, too, but they also contain cells that look like the soft tissue and connective tissue in the breast.  It is thought that the ductal cells have undergone a change in form (metaplasia) to become completely different cells, though it is not known exactly how or why this occurs.

Metaplastic breast cancers can also behave more aggressively than other kinds of breast cancers.

Metaplastic tumors are often, though not always, “triple-negative”, which means that they test negative for estrogen and progesterone receptors, as well as for the HER2/neu protein.

Metaplastic tumor cells are often found to be high grade, which means that they look very different from normal cells and are dividing rapidly.  

Metaplastic tumors are, on average, larger at diagnosis.

More often than in other kinds of breast cancer, women with metaplastic breast cancer can have metastasis (when the cancer has spread beyond the breast) and may be more likely to recur (come back later in another part of the body)."

Sounds familiar, right? I can tell you, it feels good to get that out of my body! I want to be clear, though, that it was only **some** of the tumor that was this nasty metaplastic cancer. It was, as I described it to the amusement of my surgeon, "like chocolate chips in ice cream." (Way less fun than chocolate chips, obviously.)

That is actually good news too, because it means that there's a pretty high chance that the metastatic sites are NOT this nasty form of cancer. It wasn't noted in the original biopsy back in January 2019, nor in the spinal tumor biopsy in Feburary 2019, nor in my biopsy from July 2019. Metaplastic cells are fairly distinctive so they would have been noted if they were there. At some point, metaplastic regions appeared in the bastard tumor, probably a reason that it stopped responding to treatments that worked elsewhere (including PARP inhibitors and the chemo/immuno combo that I'm currently on). If those treatments, or others, can work on the remaining sites that are NOT metaplastic it becomes much more possible to imagine living with this as a chronic disease. We won't be able to tell until I get today's scans and we see how the next 8ish weeks of treatment go. But still, I think cautious optimism is warranted.

Resting and Recovering

My parents were able to stay with me for another 10 days after I went home and it was so wonderful to have them taking care of me. It made me realize that, actually, I have done the bulk of this cancer treatment without that particular kind of support. I mean, I knew that intellectually, but the difference between having someone looking after me and not was something I almost couldn't fathom on an emotional level. They lived with me for the first 3 months after my diagnosis in 2019 but--thanks to how long was spent getting various tests and seeing doctors--that only included a few weeks of chemo. They would obviously have stayed longer--would be glad to drop everything and rush out whenever I want!--but it's been my choice to continue as much as I can with my "regular" adult life. Being forced not to try was actually quite a favor to me. I'm left with a lot of thoughts about how I ask for help, offer it, accept it (or don't), and how I feel about it. I'll save those for another time, though, and just thank both my parents and my wonderful and tireless group of friends for giving me their support in whatever ways they can.

It's almost time for me to go drink some delicious barium and get a CT (bringing me a couple steps closer to lunch), so I'll just conclude by saying that I felt so good post-surgery that I forgot, for a while, that I still had cancer at all. After all, it was that tumor that I could actually see and feel and that was causing me daily pain and anxiety. Taking it away felt like taking away all the cancer. But, of course, it's still there: in my lungs, my lymph nodes, my bones, and my liver. It's a systemic and chronic disease, but I do at least feel more like I've been given a fighting chance again.

Hope you're all doing as well as can be right now. Be well and be kind.

Love, Bex

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (8/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 4,647

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing

masterlist

a/n: I’m so sorry.  This chapter physically hurt me so I’m sorry if you feel hurt.  Let me know what you think!

This compound was weird.

Well, maybe not so much weird as different.  Like, everything in the kitchen was wrong.  The coffee maker was to the left of the fridge and not the right.  The silverware drawer was in the island.  The milk was on the top shelf and not the middle.  And in the living room, there were three couches, not four.

And it wasn’t a bad thing, except sometimes you stared at the empty space where another couch should’ve been and you remembered all the times your team would cram together on the cushions for dinner.

The one thing that didn’t feel different was the dance studio.

You’d found it within a week of moving in, though you hadn’t ever gone in.  You’d lingered at the door a few times, considered walking in and just sitting on the hardwood floor, but something stopped you.

Maybe it was some strange case of survivor’s guilt.  Because dancing had always been more her thing, something she was much better at than you.  You were a great dancer, sure, but you had never felt the love for it that she had.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the door and walked inside.  The sunlight pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows to your left was so bright that you didn’t bother turning on the lights.  No need to.  Dust swirled through the air as you tossed your duffel bag on the ground, digging out your pointe shoes.

The satin felt so soft against your fingertips.  Such a familiar, comforting feeling.

Without a second thought, you tugged the shoes on, relishing the feeling of tying the ribbons. Dancing had always been therapeutic for you, and you were wondering if it would help just as much now that the world had been put back together.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” you said as you stood, shaking out your feet a little.  “Play Swan Lake by Pyotr Illyich Tchaikovsky.”

The smell of sweat still lingered in the dance studio, but then again, you supposed it never really faded.  The sun was sinking low beyond the horizon and you knew that someone would come along to fetch you for bed sooner or later.  The natural light coming in through the window was slowly fading.

And sundown meant being ordered onto a thin mattress, handcuffs keeping you from running.

After dinner, every girl had about an hour and a half of free time to do whatever she wished.  Most girls spent it in the showers, washing away the grime of the day.  If they didn’t get it done in the hour and a half, they wouldn’t have a chance until the next night.  The only time they were afforded in the mornings was ten minutes to brush their teeth and get on their leotards and tights.

And tights were a bitch.

You took in a deep breath as you reset your feet, determination clear by the way your brows furrowed.  Judging by the sun’s position, you had about forty-five minutes left at most and there was no way in hell you were going to waste it.  You weren’t as good as the other girls in ballet, and it was starting to become obvious.  You could only do single pirouettes while the others were doing doubles.  Your pas de chats weren’t as clear and sometimes, when your brain felt particularly fuddled, you did a glissade instead.

You absolutely could not fall anymore behind.  You had seen the way that Madame B was starting to watch you, a frown permanently etched on her lips.  Even though you were the youngest of the girls in the Red Room, you knew she held the same expectations she had for Rosemary and Victoria, the two six-year-olds.

Natalia frowned as she heard music drifting down the hall, turning towards the sound.  “Nobody should be in the studio,” she murmured softly, the man beside her stilling as she began to head towards it.

“Natalia,” he said gruffly, but she didn’t listen.  His metal arm glinted in the light as he followed after her.  She’d spent the past three hours in a training with him, working on her hand-to-hand with him, and while they didn’t have to report to Madame B after, she always walked with him to the room where his handler was waiting.

Her feet carried her to the doors of the dance studio, her heart softening when she saw you.  She vaguely recognized you, knowing that you were the youngest girl currently at in the Red Room.  It had been a while since they’d brought anyone new in, and she knew it was only a matter time before another one joined their ranks.

You looked up as you heard the door opening, stopping in the middle of an across-the-floor.  Your e/c eyes roamed over the sharp features of the redhead who stood in the doorway, vaguely recognizing that there was a man looming in the shadows behind her.

“You like Swan Lake?” She asked, slowly coming into the room.

You nodded, though you were still hesitant as you watched her.  “It’s my favorite.”

Her eyes lit up as she toed off her shoes, letting her bag fall to the ground.  “Mine, too.” But as she walked closer to you, you took a few steps back.  “What are you doing in here?  Shouldn’t you be showering and spending time with your friends?”

Frowning, you turned your eyes back to the mirror, watching yourself as you reset your feet.  “Madame B says that friends are attachments and attachments mean strings.  And those strings turn into a noose.”

And oh, how Natalia’s heart broke.

Because she knew what it was like to think that way.  Hell, she thought that way until she was about eight and one of the older girls offered to teach her how to braid her hair because it was a little thing that made life in the Red Room not so bleak.  Being able to do something with your hair other than a tight bun made you feel like less of a robot and more like a girl.

She bit her lip, trying to think of how to best approach you. You were trying to ignore her, though she could see the way your eyes would flit over to her every few seconds.  “But don’t you at least want a shower?” She asked.

You bit your lip, shrugging as you pushed up to relevé, your arms wavering as you tried to hold onto first position.  The only sound came from the tinkling of the radio, and she briefly noted that it was somewhere in act two.  “I’m not as good as the other girls.”

Nat let out a soft sigh, a little relieved that that was all. “But you’re a little younger than—”

“I can see how Madame B looks at me,” you said, worry etched into your face.  “I have to get better.”

And she realized that you knew what would happen if you didn’t. You were well aware of the fact that there was no room for imperfection anywhere, whether that be in how well you could take down an opponent and how straight your legs were during a jeté.

You would be put down.  Shot between the eyes like a dog.  There would be no funeral, no memorial service.  Just a quick shot and even quicker clean up.  One of the girls would be tasked with bleaching the floor until there was no trace of blood left while two others were ordered to drab your body outside.  You’d be buried in an unmarked grave somewhere behind the brick building all of you resided in.  Probably behind the shed.

“May I help you?” Natalia asked after staring at you for what she knew was probably much too long.  But you were so young.  So young, and it hurt her to know that you were so worried about dying.

For what seemed like the millionth time, doubts about what she was raised for came to mind.  She knew that within the next year and a half or so, she’d graduate and then she’d be passed over to HYDRA, but she just didn’t know if she could do it.  She didn’t know if she had the strength to be such a force.

You were clearly suspicious of her, but you nodded anyway. After all, she was one of the best dancers there and if she wanted to help you, it was most likely your best bet.

Her lips stretched into a wide, dazzling smile as she came to stand beside you.  “Great. But,” she stopped and couched down so the two of you were eye level.  “I need you to trust me, okay?”

“But—”

“No,” she said, raising up a hand. “I know what Madame B said about strings.  But…” She pointed down at your ballet slippers, tugging on the silk ribbon.  “Think of us as ballet ribbons, okay?  Tying us together.”

Bucky grinned as he slugged Sam in the shoulder, shifting the bags in in hand around.  He’d finally gotten around to going shopping for clothes that weren’t ‘Assassin Chic’ according to Wanda.  Sure, he had a few pairs of jeans and plain t-shirts, but nothing that was really his.

There was one outfit in particular he was excited about.  A suit, matte black with a matching button down.  Oxfords and a bowtie to go with it.  When he’d seen it in the store, he’d had visions of you smoothing your hands over the lapels, fixing his bowtie for him.  Standing so close that he could smell your shampoo.

But that would have to wait. It’d have to wait until you were ready and over your horrible breakup and he was more than willing to wait.  Regardless of the fact that it could take years, he was prepared.

He’d also have to get the courage to actually ask you on the date, but that was besides the point. The point was that he wanted to and he was embracing that now.  He was allowing himself to dream of a time when he could pull you into his arms, twirl you around the dance floor.  Confess to you how he felt without fear of you pushing him away.

Bucky’s eyes lit up as him and Sam got out of the elevator, finding a tiny Stark running straight for him.

“Uncle Bucky!”

“Hey, kiddo!”  He let his bags drop as the little girl careened herself into his embrace.  When she leaned back, he couldn’t help but laugh as he saw the flecks of paint covering her.  “Did you have fun with Auntie Wanda today?”

She nodded excitedly, not unlike a bobble head.  “I painted!” Morgan then grabbed his hand, giving him just a second to grab his shopping bags before dragging him over to the kitchen island.  Paints and brushes are still littered everywhere, little specks of blue and yellow and purple and every other color imaginable speckling the marble.  “Look!”

His heart swelled as he looked at the piece of paper she was shoving towards him, gingerly taking it in his hands.  “Who’s this?”

“That’s you!” She said, pointing towards a very distinct Bucky.  It’s a stick figure, sure, but it’s got long brown hair and a much bigger left arm that’s painted like the one he received from Shuri.  “That’s me, and that’s Auntie Y/N!”  And sure enough, there you are.  The two of your stick figures are on either side of Morgan’s.

“I love it,” he said, pulling her into another hug.  “It looks just like us.”  He frowned as he took in the rest of the kitchen’s occupants.  Wanda and Rhodey were standing at the stove, both working on their respective dinners as they chatted quietly.  Sam had disappeared to his room to put away his own purchases.  He could hear Pepper talking on the phone quietly in the living room, probably some big name client looking to go back over their contract with Stark Industries.

Wanda turned towards him, grinning as she spotted the bags.  She’d been smiling a lot more lately, even though there were still moments when she’d remember Vision was gone and it’d be back to her room until her tears stopped and she was ready to interact with everyone again.  “Are you finally embracing the twenty-first century fashion?” She asked as she spotted the bags from H&M, ASOS, Macy’s, and Zara.

“Something like that,” he said with a faint smile.  He looked around the kitchen again, making sure he wasn’t just missing you.  But, then again, he was sure he’d always find you in a room.  “Where’s Y/N?”

Morgan pursed her lower lip as her arms crossed over her chest.  “F.R.I.D.A.Y. won’t tell me.”

Well, that’s… concerning. Bucky looked up towards the ceiling, as though he’d see a physical form of the A.I.  “F.R.I.D.A.Y., where’s Y/N?”

“Agent L/N asked me to not give anyone her whereabouts.”

“I’m gonna go find her,” he said, ruffling Morgan’s hair before heading towards the elevator.  He knew there was no way you’d be in your room after giving F.R.I.D.A.Y. orders like that.  No.  You were somewhere in the compound, away from everyone else’s eyes.  And any other time, he’d respect your wishes.  He’d give you your alone time.  But something in his gut told him to find you, and his gut hadn’t led him wrong before.

Glissade.  Assemblé. Glissade.  Assemblé.  Echappé. Echappé.  Triple pirouette.  Repeat.

Glissade.  Assemblé. Glissade.  Assemblé.  Echappé. Echappé.  Triple pirouette.  Repeat.

Sweat dripped down your brow, but you ignored it.  You were too focused on going through the combination.  You weren’t sure how long it had been, though you knew it had been a few hours.  Enough time that Swan Lake had looped once and you were now halfway through act three once again.

You frowned as you heard the door opening.  You’d told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to not let anyone know where you were.

“Y/N.”

You fell out of your pirouette, wobbling a little as you turned to look at the intruder.  Bucky was frozen in the doorway, his sea blue eyes locked on your feet.  He looked like he’d seen a ghost.  “What?”

He rushed towards you, his hands reaching for your face.  “What the hell are you doing?”

It was only when he wiped at your face that you realized you were crying.  Trembling, you reached up and touched your cheek, your hand drawing back as though you’d been stung.  Your eyes focused on the bit of wetness that lingered on your fingertips.

Had you really been crying?

“Y/N.  Y/N, look at me,” Bucky said.  His hands were smoothing back the hair that had fallen out of your bun, blue eyes watering as he searched your face.  “Are you okay?”

“I…  I…”  Truth be told, you didn’t know.  You had no idea how long you’d been there.  It was long enough that the sun had almost completely disappeared beyond the horizon, F.R.I.D.A.Y. having automatically turned on the studio lights.

He took a step back, looking you over since it was clear that you were unable to give an answer of your own.  His eyes reached your feet and he cursed, dropping to his knees.  “Y/N, holy fuck.”

Your gaze drifted lethargically until you found yourself staring at your pointe shoes.  Your pretty, previously pristine pointe shoes. Little blotches of red were staining the pink satin.

“Y/N, how long have you been dancing?” Bucky asked as he coaxed you down into a sitting position.  His hands shakily began to unwrap your pointe shoes, desperate to take them off of you but terrified of the damage.

You blinked slowly at him, shivering.  “I don’t know.”  Now that you were aware of the fact that you were bleeding, you could feel the pain coursing through your toes and up through your legs.

He winced as he tugged off the first pointe shoe, a squelch resounding through the air.  The second one was just the same, and it took a lot in you to actually look at the damage you had caused.

Bile rose in your throat as you looked at them.  Blisters covered your feet, though most of them had popped.  Your big toenail on your right foot was half off, blood slowly trickling from the wound.  The skin was rubbed raw, red and angry and bleeding.  

“I…  I’m sorry,” you croaked, a fresh wave of tears coming on as you stared at your feet.

Bucky’s eyes flickered up to meet yours, his jaw slack.  “What? Malen'kiy, no.  No.” He pulled you close, his strong arms wrapping around you as you buried your face into the crook of his neck.  “You have no reason to be sorry.”

“I-I didn’t mean to.” You were outright sobbing now, fingers clutching onto his shirt as he rocked you back and forth.  Swan Lake continued to play in the background.  It was a rather dramatic soundtrack for a rather dramatic moment, you thought fleetingly.

The super soldier wanted nothing more than to be able to take your pain away.  Whatever had caused you to do this, he wanted to end it.  But he knew that more often than not, your battles were ones that he couldn’t fight for you.  He could only be by your side and offer you a shoulder to cry on, arms to hold you, while you worked through all of it.

Even though your feet hurt like a bitch and you knew they needed to be bandaged, you couldn’t bring yourself to stand.  You didn’t want to leave this place.  This place that reminded you so much of Natasha.  “I…  I couldn’t remember the combination anymore,” you said.

“What?”

Eyes glazed over, you stared out the windows at the retreating sun.  “She always did this one across-the-floor for warmups.  It was glissade, assemble, glissade, assemble, echappé, echappé, triple pirouette.  Or…” You trailed off, frustration rising in your stomach like curdled milk.  “Or it was glissade, assemble, chappé, glissade, assemble, echappé, triple pirouette.” You groaned, fingers gripping your hair. “I c-can’t remember, god damn it!”

And Bucky wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and sob for you because fuck, you’re realizing that as time passes, you’re not going to remember the little things, like what Natasha’s favorite ballet combination was.  One day you won’t remember what color the ratty t-shirt she always slept in was, or whether she liked pepperoni on her pizza or not.

And he knows why ballet hurt the most.  Why it would be the worst thing you could lose.  He had been there when Natasha first talked to you, all those years ago. You’d only been five years old and had stared at the redhead with such distrust that it was hard to believe that you two would become so close later on.  He’d watched in the doorway as Nat helped you perfect every move.  Every pirouette, every fouetté, every pas de bourrée.

Of course, he hadn’t known then how much you would eventually mean to him.

“Hey, Barnes.”

Bucky was surprised to see Natalia standing in front of him, so familiar after all those years.  “Hi.”

She took a seat beside him, crossing her legs as she handed him a beer.  It was strange, drinking at a time like this.  There were six of you cramped into a motel room with only two beds and a pullout couch, and with his best friend having his girlfriend with him and Wanda and Vision being a… thing, it would seem as though the Winter Soldier was going to have to sleep in the same bed as the infamous Black Widow.

Fantastic.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, popping open her own beer and taking a long drink.  Her gaze was locked on you, even though you were currently asleep with your head in Steve’s lap.  He’d noticed that she was incredibly protective of you, and had no desire to invoke her wrath.

Which would be easy if he didn’t know you.

For the past four days, he’d been trying his best to convince himself that he didn’t know you.  He didn’t know twenty-year-old you.  He knew seventeen-year-old you.  He’d known a girl who was trapped in the Red Room and was preparing to spend her life working for HYDRA, not the Avenger who was in love with his best friend.

Yeah, he definitely didn’t know that girl.

And if you recognized him, you hid it well.  Sure, you were friendly and held conversations with him, but never anything too long.  Never anything meaningful.  And yeah, it hurt, because it wasn’t like he’d been wearing his mask when he’d trained you.

Was he really that forgettable?

“What do you mean?” He asked, trying his best to appear nonchalant. Besides all the shit he was going through with trying to pretend as though you didn’t mean the world to him, he was also still coming to terms with the fact that he’d been used as a weapon against his own will for over seventy years.

“I mean, we went on the run four days ago,” Nat said with an eyeroll.  “You had your entire life uprooted.”

“Wasn’t much of a life, to be honest,” he said, briefly thinking back to the shitty one-bedroom apartment he had kept in Bucharest.  His eyes slowly slid back over to you, though he didn’t realize how obvious he was being.

The redhead followed his gaze, smiling a little.  “That’s Y/N.  Been on our team for about two years now.”  She suddenly turned on him, and he’s afraid that she knew he already knew her when she said, “You might actually recognize her.  The first time I talked to her, you were there.  She was this little thing I helped teach ballet.  You watched in the doorway when I first found her in the Red Room.”

And oh.  He actually hadn’t known that was you. And you know what, that’s even more strange because now he knew three versions of you.  He knew little five-year-old you, fifteen to seventeen-year-old you, and now twenty-year-old you.

“You’re close with her?” He said, though he already knew the answer.  Could see it in the way that Natasha was never too far from you.  Even if you were in Steve’s more than capable arms, she was always ready to take over.  It didn’t matter that you were also a highly trained assassin, you were her pseudo little sister.

She smiled, nodding.  “Yeah. I am.  And now, I think it’s time for me to do my ‘sisterly duty’ and get everyone to bed.  It’s been a long few days and I’m ready to sleep on an actual bed and not a quinjet bunk.” She threw back the rest of her beer as she stood up.  She clapped a hand onto his shoulder which threw him for a moment, but he tried not to let it show.  “Alright, Rogers.  I’m staying in Y/N’s bed so I don’t have to share with Barnes here.”

And oh.  That’s kind of nice.  Because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t really want to share a bed with her, and he also really didn’t want Steve to share a bed with you.

Even though that made absolutely zero sense since you were his best friend’s girlfriend.

“I actually managed to get her out of the Red Room.”

His head whipped up to look up at the assassin, shocked that she was still talking and hoping that this wasn’t heading towards a conversation he really didn’t want to have at the moment.  From just behind the redhead, he could see Steve tucking you into the spot closest to the wall—the farthest away from the window and therefore, the safest in case there was an attack.  He was doing his best not to wake you, though he could hear you mumbling, still half-asleep.

Natasha hesitated before continuing, “I actually…  I rescued her because I got a message through a back channel, telling me that Madame B was going to kill her and I needed to get her out.”

Bucky didn’t reply, just swallowed down the lump in his throat as he moved to crawl onto the pullout bed, choosing the spot closest to the window.  Nat seemed to realize the conversation was now officially over and got into bed with you, Wanda and Vision crawling into their own bed in the middle.  He closed his eyes as the light went out, feeling the bed dip as Steve got in.  The only thing he could hear was the steady breaths as everyone slowly feel into a deep slumber.

You sniffled as you clutched onto the super soldier, the sobs slowing down as your body ran out of water to cry.  Exhaustion was quickly catching up with you as your eyes began to flutter shut.  “I-I’m sorry, James.  I’m sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay, malen'kiy.  Rest,” he murmured, lips pressing to your hair.  His own cheeks were stained with tears as he felt you relax in his arms, finally giving into your body’s needs.  “I’m here. I’m here.”

He waited until you were completely asleep to stand up, cradling you to his chest.  “F.R.I.D.A.Y., please turn off the music and lights,” he whispered, being careful not to wake you.  He left the pointe shoes behind as he carried you out of the dance studio and up to your room.  He knew that you’d have to have your feet checked over tomorrow and that he really needed to talk to you about seeing Sam, but that last thing could wait until you had a full night’s rest.

Bucky laid you ever-so-gently on your bed, hesitating before grabbing a washrag and a first aid kit from your bathroom and wetting it.  He didn’t want to leave you for a single second.  He knelt beside the bed and carefully wiped the blood from your feet, wincing as he saw the open sores left from the popped blisters.

“James?”

Cursing under his breath, he said, “Go back to sleep, malen'kiy.  I’m just wiping off the blood.”

You sat up on your elbows, blinking sleepily at him.  Your eyes were puffy, cheeks red, and yet, you were still absolutely stunning.  “James, will you stay with me tonight?  Please?”

And he might’ve said no, except for the fact that that you were you and that little please at the end wrung his heart.  “Okay,” he said after a long moment, feeling a little breathless.  “Just let me finish bandaging your feet, alright?”

“Okay,” you murmured, leaning back onto the pillows.

It only took him about a minute more to finish wrapping your feet in bandages, but it felt like an absolute eternity.  “Do you want pajamas?” He asked, clearing his throat as took in the leotard and leggings you were wearing.

It seemed that your hatred for ballet tights was still just as present now as it was back in the Red Room.

He turned around as you changed, having tossed you a t-shirt, shorts, and underwear like you’d requested of him.  He felt sweaty and disgusting as he listened to the soft sounds of your leggings and leotard hitting the floor, knowing that for just a moment, you were bare.

“You can turn around now,” you said, and when he turned, you were already under the comforter and pushing back the other side so that he could get in.

His heart hammered in his chest as he crawled in beside you, his mouth feeling like a desert as he pulled the comforter up.  As soon as he was comfortable, you curled into his chest.  It left him no choice but to wrap his arm around your waist.  He closed his eyes contentedly as he felt your hot breath fan against his neck.  “F.R.I.D.A.Y., lights off.”

The room went dark and his fingers splayed against your back, holding you steady.  “Goodnight, James,” you whispered.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

[motleycrueroadie]

Along for the Ride (pt. 6)

Author’s Note: It has been a while, so thank you to anyone who is returning to this story! I will apologize for the delay, going back to work has been hectic. With everything going on right now, if reading this and consuming this kind of content helps you to take a break then I’m very glad to provide that. Enjoy xoxo. 

Previous Chapters: One I Two I Three I Four I Five I

A lot of time has passed since I’ve been to a party, let alone a party with a horde of strangers. The last time that I was ,what might be defined as, “partying” was during high school. Even though varsity sports were a large commitment, there were always athletes who made it part of their weekly routine to get as hammered as they possibly could on Friday and Saturday night. The football players were the main ones to spend copious hours belligerent, and they turned to the other fall athletic teams to join them. A lot of my teammates were skinny little things who were borderline obliterated within two cups of foamy, cheap keg beer but no other sport could beat them and myself at the beer mile. The athletes were pretty much the only people I partied with because they were the only people I was seeing throughout the year. Yet here I am four years later, having not attended a party since graduation and I was set to attend some random stranger’s party to scope out Tommy’s suggested lead singer. 

When Tommy had suggested Vince at dinner last week he went on to explain that he knew him from high school and not from Suite 19 or any other band he played for - which to me was a good starting sign considering that Greg hadn’t worked out. I had not realised I was Tommy’s senior by four years up until he was talking about him and Vince’s high school days.  Tommy admitting his age to me really had put things into perspective for myself.

 Four years have passed since I graduated and I still had yet to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Upon finishing high school, all I knew with regards to my future was that I needed to be on my own and find myself. To begin, finding out who I was meant that I needed to start from my roots and make my way up. Despite not being completely fit parents,  my mother and father were incredibly passionate people. Before the haze of drugs and partying had blinded them, my parents were both madly in love with one another and with music. None of their life was mapped out and planned tediously, otherwise I wouldn’t have been in the picture. When they were seventeen and seniors in high school, my mom found out she was pregnant with me. Even though this put a delay in their goal to travel with the music, it never stopped them. We lived in a 1959 Volkswagen Van and put thousands of miles on it as we traveled from venue to venue following the voices of the 60′s. Of course, we settled down come the fall when the summer tours and festivals died down and I needed to go to school. We would live right here on the Sunset Strip in a shitty little one bedroom apartment. I slept with my parents on a mattress on the floor. During the week I would attend school and they would work at whatever odd job they had found, then come the weekend they would put me to bed and head out for the shows. After their death, I moved in with my grandparents a few hours north of Los Angeles for 7 years until I turned 18. That’s when I set out to find myself. Funny thing is, it’s almost been four years out here and I’m no closer to finding out who I am than the day I left home. 

“You’re not that much older than me Janis,” Tommy had said while we were talking about my age, “Mick, when did you graduate high school?” This was another of his attempts to figure out Mick’s age. 

“Before your balls even dropped.” Mick was quick to shut Tommy down every time. I smiled at Mick and held out my hand for a fist bump, which to my surprise Mick had returned. Mick was older than the rest of us, but none of us were sure by how much. Even though Mick fronted a bit of a tough exterior, he liked to joke around and have fun like us - He just wasn’t as young as us anymore, it was a different kind of fun. 

That night, after the guys had gone back to practicing, I went back to my usual nightly routine. Being that it was Sunday, I didn’t have to go in for work but it also meant that I had to keep my regular sleep schedule since I was due for another 11-7 shift the next day. That left me from the time I woke up at 3:30 pm until 7:00 am to pass the time. This meant that I would have a smoothie and go for a run, come back for a shower and more food and the rest of the time I spent cleaning every nook and cranny in the apartment and reading. Days off though, was time for grocery shopping. There was only one supermarket in the nearby area that was open 24 hours and I was one of the only people who tended to do their shopping at midnight. However, on this night I had company. Nikki came along with me despite the fact that he had work in the morning. It wasn’t until the walk home that I learned the true motive behind the company on the trip. He wanted me to come with them to this party to scout out Vince. At first I was confused. 

“Why do you want me to come? It’s your band.” He nodded in agreement, acknowledging that it seemed like an odd request. 

“You’ve kind of been along for most of this, so even though it’s not your band I feel it’s only right you come along for the ride.” My continued confusion must have read on my face because he spoke again, “I met Tommy at your diner and you called Mick when I wouldn’t.” 

“You would’ve eventually called him yourself, and I’m sure you would’ve met Tommy after your show anyways.” He shook his head at me while we continued walking. 

“Janis, I was only in that diner because I was there to see you. Tommy was there by coincidence. I wouldn’t have called Mick either. I would have just let myself be happy I had Greg and went along with it until we became another Suite 19 or London.” I had opened my mouth to reply to him and he cut me off, “I’m trying to say you’ve helped me form this band whether you believe it or not, and I want you there when we’re looking at what could be our lead singer.”

“Then I’ll be there to make sure you get your skinny blonde fucker.” He laughed with me and we continued in comfortable silence back to our apartments. That was almost six days ago, today I stood in the living room of Nikki’s apartment at 4:30 on a Friday waiting for Mick to come so that we could all go to this party. Up until now, I hadn’t really seen Nikki’s apartment, but now that I was in it I realised why. The fact that there were roaches infesting this building was not beyond my knowledge, however I managed to keep them at bay by keeping my apartment clean and the food sealed. The garbage left out by Nikki and the mess all over the place was a haven for all sorts of bugs, evident by the ants and roaches freely roaming the brown carpet (which is supposed to be white). Despite this, I wasn’t assuming that Nikki was 100% a slob - more or less 50% a slob, and the rest I can chalk up to him not knowing any better. I know Nikki hasn’t always had or accepted the type of discipline and skill that a parental figure would instill to keep a tidy home. However, even though I was understanding, it didn't mean that I could bear the smell any longer. Moving out of the apartment, I joined Tommy out on the balcony where he was having a cigarette while Nikki was still getting ready.

“Tell me more about Vince.” I spoke, Tommy turned his head from the view of the Strip to acknowledge my presence. Leaning against the railing next to him, Tommy put his arm around my shoulder. Since our initial encounter at the diner, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know Tommy a little bit better when hosting dinners and talking to him. He reminded me of the little brother I never got to have, full of energy and youth. We balanced each other out well in conversations, he was able to get me excited and rambling while I reigned him in but listened intently to everything he had to say. 

“Why? Trying to see if he’s worth getting into bed with?” Tommy winked at me, I knew he was trying to frazzle me. “Jeez JJ, you haven’t even seen him yet.”

“Looks are just a small slice of the pie, I need to know if he’s got brains or not” I replied. 

“Vince’s brains are in his pants. The thing about Vince is that he’s a great guy to be around if you’re a guy.” He took a drag from the cigarette before continuing, “So just make sure he knows you’re one of the guys.” The red car I knew to be  Mick pulled up in front of the complex, so I turned back to the apartment where I had left the door ajar and yelled for Nikki.

“Sixx! Mick is here!” I heard something hit the floor behind him as Nikki emerged from the apartment and closed the door behind him. “You don’t lock your door?” I asked him, genuinely confused considering the equipment they kept there for rehearsing. 

“Why would anyone want to steal from me?” He answered my question with another question, which was something I was notorious for doing and he knew it. 

“Your equipment is in there though.” 

“And? Are the people who won’t even talk to me, who live here, going to steal it?” Being that he was a little snarky today, I figured he needed a reminder of who he was talking to. 

“Well I guess whoever wants to take your shit needs to get past all the garbage and the smell first.” I replied, walking down the stairs with Tommy towards Mick’s car. His silence was quite audible and I knew I had struck the right chord. 

“It’s not that bad in there!” Tommy was quick to come to his defence, especially considering he would be moving in with Nikki at some point. The two of them had discussed this over dinner not long ago.

“You boys have just been spending enough time in it that you’ve become used to it.” I said. In that moment I realised how badly these two boys needed a voice of reason and guidance around. They thought that it was quite acceptable to live like that. “You’re lucky I’m around, I’ll be the one to stop you from being evicted by the L.A Health Department.” 

“Get off your fucking high horse.” Nikki scoffed as we grew closer to Mick’s car. I lifted my foot and pressed it into the crook of Tommy’s knee while pushing my hand into Nikki’s chest to throw them both off balance. They both stumbled slightly as I took off into a run, swinging open Mick’s car door I slid into the passenger seat.

“Let’s go!” I yelled, leaning out the window and laughing as Tommy and Nikki fumbled into the backseat. Despite the fact that Nikki had seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, today he had a smirk on his face as he and Tommy squished their body’s into the backseat of the Mazda. Knowing Nikki, only a little bit, I could maybe conclude he was nervous about whether Vince would work out of not. They sounded good without a lead singer, and I know he wants someone to match the rest of their talent.

“Mick Mars, you ready to go get a blonde fucker?” I asked him, sticking out my hand for a fist bump. He returned the gesture before shifting the car into drive. 

“This kid better be good, drummer.” Was the reply that Mick offered as we took off towards the house party. Arriving on the street, the first thing we noticed were the dozens of cars lined up and the second was the noise from down the block. As we got out of the car, Tommy let us know that the noise was Vince. Nikki had commented that he sounded good for now and everyone’s spirits were high. As we entered the backyard, the third thing that we all noticed was how easily these guys stood out in the crowd. The people at this party were very obviously preppy, the colour palette was very warm and looked just like the people I would have hung around with in high school. In fact, if these guys weren’t here then I would blend in quite well. The four of us were stopped in the entrance of the backyard, and I felt a hand on the small of my back as Nikki started making his way into the sea of strangers. 

“I want a shot of Jack already and we’ve been here for two seconds” He whispered in my ear as the four of us made our way to the makeshift bar in the middle of the backyard. As we approached the table, Nikki took a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the hand of someone passing by. They turned in protest but then decided against it once taking in the sight of us. Leaning against the table, I was paying attention to the band on stage. The four guys on the stage were playing a cover of Billy Squier’s My Kind of Lover and though it was nothing special compared to the original, I would say the lead singer was using the song to his advantage. The women were flocking to the front of the stage, infatuated with him. Tapping my foot along to the beat, I felt a hand on the small of my back again as the bottle of Jack appeared in my vision. Shaking my head, I gently pushed the neck back towards Nikki. Even though the offer was denied and he didn’t need my attention anymore, Nikki’s hand remained and I was hyper-aware of the fact. 

“Fucking cover band?” Mick questioned, sounding displeased. 

“Yeah but I’m telling you, I went to high school with this guy.” Tommy continued to vouch for Vince, attempting to convince Mick to see past the exterior. Unlike Mick, I was hearing a voice that could go with the heavy metal these guys have been playing. 

“You’re telling me you haven’t played covers to make a cheap buck Mick?” I questioned, looking back at him as he took the bottle of Jack from Nikki. His scowl softened ever so slightly, which served as the silent reply I needed. Tommy and Nikki stepped forward a little away from the table to talk and I stayed there with Mick.

“I know what you mean though Mick,” He glanced his eyes over at me before returning to watch Vince, taking a sip from the bottle. “You want to know if the guy is serious about the music or in it for something else. I get it” He nodded appreciatively, a man of few words. I couldn’t tell if I was on the right track, but when he stuck his fist out towards me I knew I had been right. Quickly bumping my fist against his, I caught his smile as he took another sip from the bottle. 

“This isn’t our style.” Mick called out to Nikki and Tommy. The two looked back at Mick before Nikki motioned his hand out to the crowd in front of the stage. 

“I don’t care if he can sing or not, look at what he’s doing to those chicks” He replied. Tommy turned his whole body around and came walking towards me with a grin, which I knew was not a good sign.

“Yeah JJ, look at what he’s doing to those chicks. You creaming your jeans yet?” He laughed at how uncomfortable I appeared from his statement. I wasn’t ignorant to the stares from both Mick and Nikki as they awaited my thoughts. 

“Blondes aren’t my type Tommy.” I replied, but it didn’t appear that he was letting up on me. Standing next to me as we listened to the tail end of the song, Tommy looked like he had something else to say. 

“They might not be your type, but blondes are Vince’s type. You’re my bribing factor JJ.” Tommy said, he tried to walk away but I grabbed onto the sleeve of his jacket. 

“You are not pimping me!” I whisper shouted at him, he laughed and pulled his jacket out my hand as the song ended. 

“We are Rock Candy!” Vince said into the microphone as he exited the stage. Nikki returned to the table beside Mick and myself, his arm going around my shoulder. 

“Shitty name” mumbled Mick and I nodded in agreement. 

“I heard something about Tommy pimping you out to Vince,” Nikki said low enough that only I was hearing it. Shifting under the weight of his arm I looked up at him. 

“ Not only are blondes not my type, but neither is being pimped out” I replied as we watched Tommy and Vince embrace. “His voice is right for you guys, but you’ll need to help him tweak it. Billy Squier is much different than what you guys are playing.” Nikki nodded in agreement with me. The two of us continued to watch Tommy and Vince talk as Tommy pointed back at the three of us before handing him something. He bounded back to us with the type of energy that I envied. 

“I gave him the tape to listen to, it’s got my number on it so I told him to call!” Tommy sounded excited, so I took it that the exchange between the two of them went well. For the sake of these three guys and all the hard work that I had seen them putting into this band thus far, I was really hoping that this would all work out for them. More so, I was quite excited to leave this party and return home to relax before my shift began and I would be dealing with the Friday night leftovers from the Sunset Strip shows. 

A couple weeks had passed since we had ventured to the pool party to watch Vince, and despite how excited Tommy had seemed, the man with promise had yet to even give them a phone call. With each day that went by, I could tell the guys were becoming discouraged  even though they continued to practice every night like clockwork. I tried to keep things constant for them on my part, and made sure that the door was open to welcome them for dinner every night after practice. 

The more that I was around the guys, the more I got to know them. Tommy had learned to play in the drums from the high school marching band, but was one of the most musically inclined of the bunch. When Nikki had met Tommy in the diner, I hadn’t noticed the drumsticks he had been carrying, but since then I had taken note that he did in fact always have a pair glued to him. He was constantly fidgeting with them to the point where I had threatened to toss them into the trash if he hit me one more time while twirling them. In typical Tommy fashion he had apologized profusely. He also told me he appreciated that I was so upfront with him about the things he did that piss me off - something he said his parents were not the greatest at. Mick on the other hand, was a bit of a harder egg to crack. All I could really tell about him was the fact that something seemed to bother him all the time, he never looked like he could quite get comfortable no matter where we were. Nikki and I remained on the same page. We hadn’t really had the opportunity to hang out, just the two of us since Mick joined the trio and I was okay with it for now. What was becoming of increasing concern to me though was their love of substances. The past couple of weekends, the three of them came to the diner during my shift after having watched someone playing at the Starwood or the Whiskey, being as loud and obnoxious as I had ever seen them. Carlos always made sure to poke his disapproving head over the kitchen window and give me his signature “fix it” stare. I tried to shovel bread and water into their systems to slow them down, and they would soon leave just as quickly as they entered, with shouts of “you have to come out soon JJ!” and “live up to the Janis name!” echoing as they exited back onto the street. I knew drugs and alcohol were part of the music scene, and I  wasn't a stranger to them myself, but I knew when to stop. Since I hadn’t seen them party in person yet, I couldn’t gauge whether or not they knew when to stop, but a gut feeling was telling me that they did not in fact know when to stop. 

Today though, was a Monday which meant a fresh start to the week. Feet to the pavement at 4:30 and I was off. The guys always waited until they heard me going down the stairs before they began playing to make sure that I was awake, it was quite the considerate thing to do. Making my way through the streets of Los Angeles, I noticed that it was absolutely sweltering today and the white shirt that I was wearing would soon become quite see-through. The marquees of the Whiskey and the Starwood adorned names that I don’t recognise but that I’m sure Tommy could ramble on about for hours with the aid of Nikki. Those two could give my parents a run for their money when it came for the love of music. I could turn the radio on or throw in a random cassette and as long as it was rock, those two could name the artist, the song, the album and their thoughts within 30 seconds of the song. I had to admit, it was impressive. Rounding the corner that led back to our street, I was ready for a shower. Glancing down at the white shirt, I noticed that my prediction had reigned true. Crossing at the traffic light, there was a beautiful, red 280Z car parked out front the apartment complex. Knowing the people that lived in the building, there was no one with enough money to own that kind of car. Confused, I headed up the stairs while peeling the shirt off my back and tossing it over my shoulder. There was no music coming from Nikki’s apartment, only lots of voices. Continuing up the stairs, I heard a woman’s voice speak. 

“I’m just trying to make sure these guys are good enough to play with you baby.” Those were some odd words. Walking quietly, I paused at the ajar doorway. Mick could see me through the crack but I motioned for him to stay quiet. He started into a riff, while a voice started singing, which I recognised as Vince. After only playing for no more than 30 seconds, the same voice called out, “This isn’t right!” She wasn’t wrong. They mumbled among themselves about how they could change the song so that it sounded better. Nikki said something about muzzling that I didn’t quite pick up but judging by the outcry of curses from the woman, it had to do with muzzling her. Mick just started back into the song again, at a faster pace to silence her. They sounded a lot better. As they started getting into the song I recognised it to be “Live Wire” whose lyrics Nikki had shown me over dinner a while back. Figuring that they would be distracted while playing, I opened the door further which let in more light and I leaned against the doorway listening to them play. Nikki and Tommy had noticed and smiled at me before Nikki motioned with his head over to Vince who was just coming to the tail end of the song. “Holy shit” breathed the woman on the couch. 

“Holy shit is right, that sounded great!” I exclaimed. Nikki grabbed my hand and shook it enthusiastically while Tommy yelled out in agreement. Mick in his true fashion just smiled and nodded along. Without even looking at him, I knew Vince was staring at me. Sticking out my hand for an introduction I spoke to Vince, “Janis Jade, you must be Vince?” He took the hand and gave it a firm shake, pausing while opening his mouth to speak.

“Tommy said you would be here,” He glanced over his shoulder at Tommy and back at me, giving me a once over. “And I have to say I’m quite glad that you are.” Glaring at Tommy, he feigned innocence and shrugged his shoulders. Damn bastard did try to pimp me out. Dropping Vince’s hand I side stepped him and stuck my hand out for the woman who remained sitting on the couch through all this. 

“Janis Jade, I’m Nikki’s upstairs neighbour.” She looked at my hand but did not return the gesture. 

“Baby, you better not be getting any ideas with her around just because she’s sleeping with Nikki.” Though she was quite ignorant, I kept my cool. I was as covered, if not more, than some of the people he was talking to at the pool party. Glancing over my shoulder at Nikki who was beginning to open his mouth, I stuck my hand up slightly to signal him to stop.  

“My apologies sweetheart, I’m sure my midriff was giving him all sorts of ideas.” Grabbing the white shirt from over my shoulders I pulled it over my head. My sweat had made it so that my cleavage was as bright as day but the rest of my torso was covered. Pulling the shirt taut by the hem so that this was emphasised to her I continued, “There we are.” Letting go of the end of my shirt and turning on my heel, I waved to everyone. “Things are sounding good you guys! I’ll bring down some dinner around 8:30.” The silence in the room was deafening but the thumbs-up of support from Tommy didn’t go unnoticed. Walking out the door, I left the boys to deal with the two blondes. 

“I’ll say what we are all thinking. JJ would win in any wet t-shirt contest.” That was unmistakably Tommy’s voice.

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