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purplekoop · 2 months

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I haven't mentioned my DnD character Vespie in ages, and it's been so long that I think it'd be deranged trying to recap the whole thing. For the absolute bare minimum:

She's a fairy princess next in line for the throne

She's also a wasp who can summon an entire army of mini magic wasps

Take a wild guess what superhero she's based on

She also has a bee cat who doesn't do anything intrinsically useful. Her name is Majesty.

She ran away from home and then made a deal with a compass-faced fey entity for a magical compass that took Vespie from her home dimension to the normal dimension

She then fell out of the sky onto a pirate island where upon impact she broke the compass instantly. This is a problem.

She was quickly rescued by a nice snake lady who she traveled with for a bit alongside varying degrees of other people. Eventually they parted ways but god I can't go into all the other party member swaps for Several reasons but the two members of the party to stick around from day one to now are Vespie and another fairy named Yvette. She's blue and french and has a WHOLE lot of other problems but she's amazing.

Anyways after a bit the initial party forms the compass person came around to ask about that broken compass deal (not in a friendly way they turned a whole town into animals for a bit as a threat) so that's weighing on her now

A while later the party changes and all that fun stuff, more adventures and whatnot are had with the new gang

At some point it's revealed Yvette (the daughter of a pair of rich fey corporate overlords) is in an arranged marriage with Prince Benyllidae (Vespie's younger brother). Yvette's first response to a picture of him was laughing at him profusely. At this point Vespie's kept the royalty thing secret so she's internally screaming at All Of This.

Someone predicted the royalty reveal AGES ago but they left early on so nobody cared

Ironically the name of the cat didn't tip them off much

Somewhere along the line (I GENUINELY can't remember when) somehow they find out that Vespie's moms (the two queens of the underground bug fey kingdom)

More angst is had, someone steals the compass for a bit and that's not good on the mental health but she's fine I promise.

Eventually Vespie learns that her brother was just maimed to near-death, with his wings destroyed and himself barely surviving. After very thoroughly admitting she's Not Okay she also admits to everyone she's the missing princess.

At this point she gets a new edgy costume. Not necessarily because of her mental health being hacked at every few days like an axe to a log, but more so because there was a dress up event and I thought it'd be neat.

The party also all got special random mount familiars, and Vespie somehow ended up getting a hell wasp.

The hell wasp's name is Janet. She makes motorcycle sounds.

Not too long after that though one of the other party members reveals he was the one who almost killed her brother. Vespie then runs off, and calls the compass person to repay her debt for not fixing the compass because she feels so awful this might as well happen.

Turns out the debt collection method is to fix the compass's broken crystal needle by using Vespie as the replacement piece. Eventually the party bargains a way to get her back because they love the little freak so much but spirits are pretty low still

So they go on their way to start dealing with that and on the way encounter a Giant God Damn Robot

Right before Vespie did the stupid thing she sent her cat back home with a message to her two longtime best friends to finally wake up the robot that's been dead in the castle's basement for a thousand years but was gradually been repaired by one of the friends, and was sent to go find Yvette

So now instead of Vespie they have a giant robot

The robot doesn't have a real name and has been conscious for barely 20 hours by the time she meets the party

They give out their internal working name of "Faermaton Protomodel 1" and so for now she's just been called FPM-1 for short.

Or FPS

She can turn her one hand into an arm cannon

She also has healing capabilities and can double her size at will

Note Yvette also has a spell that can double the size of more or less anything so that brings FPM to a max of 32 feet tall whenever the hell that's needed

She knows basically nothing but the bare essentials for her intended function as a high-end security guard for the royal family and so within the first day of meeting her the party (drunk) explained to her uh. How sex works. And then gave her a smut book for further reading.

Despite this she has a programmed profanity filter

She's also vaguely similar to the more human-sized robots called Aeormatons that the party has encountered before, which hail from an ancient bygone civilization of sky elves (the ancestors of fairies in this world).

Worth noting that the guy who almost killed the prince is also a sky elf who lost his wings and was sent forward in time to the current day. He's also a were-rat. Like a werewolf but a rat. His name is Cathy and he's great too.

Just this last session, a screen on her stomach played a corrupted message from what what we assume is her creator. After this, the party opened FPM up, went inside her while she's at max size, and discovered: 1: She doesn't have a physical power source 2: Her body has an even more robotic and literal internal system that has no knowledge of what FPM's normal consciousness does, and also leaves that normal self unconscious while active. 3: This internal system somehow has information about somebody called the Void King, which was a spooky bedtime story in Cathy's time that may in fact be a real world-ending threat more serious than the MULTIPLE other powerful entities the party was already dealing with.

FPM can in fact. Run DOOM.

Also to cap off this insane rambling, reference art of:

Vespie (original outfit)

Majesty

Vespie (outfit 2.0)

And finally FPM-1 (rough sketch, had to rush this to have it in time for her debut session and have been to sidetracked to update it)

No I don't have art of Janet. I'm sorry.

#koop's oc stuff #dnd #vespie

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pl-panda · 4 years

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To Marry a Vigilante: Part 15

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 15

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The book was incredibly interesting. It was written in some dialect of Mandarin. Many things were also covered in The Grimoire but several stories told there were previously completely unknown. It seemed like it was written after the other book and while the first was entirely encyclopedical, this one contained detailed stories from several time periods. What got Ladybug’s attention was that many of them were diary excerpts.

One of the most important elements was a story about the seventeenth-century villain, Lord of Butterflies, who came to the colonial city of Gotham and tried to take control of the settlement. He was a master of deception and almost succeeded. Ladybug and Black Cat of that time never appeared. Another story told about their involvement in the Thirty Years’ War in continental Europe, where they were hunting the Snake and Bee Miraculous users that tried to manipulate the conflict. Luckily for Gotham, a witch hunter named Malleus opposed him and used jars with symbols engraved on the walls to keep the butterflies locked away so they could not wreak havoc again. The book told of the power struggle until finally, after the burning of Raphael Dent, a longtime friend of Malleus, the attacks stopped. Most people thought that the problem was over, but from the looks of it, the author of that book tried to imply that Lord of Butterflies just bid his time, waiting for the opportunity to strike again.

Ladybug read the story twice, trying to figure out the fate of all the corrupted Butterflies or the jars, but she got nothing. Maybe if they figured out what symbols kept the akumas in, she could experiment with warding the butterflies away. It could be a breakthrough!

While she was browsing the book, Black Cat eyed the teens. “Shouldn’t you people scramble for classes?”

“Nope!” The little one, Maps, grinned. “The new school policy. In case of a supervillain attack on campus, the rest of the classes that day are canceled to avoid additional stress to students. It’s nice they care about our mental health.”

“Yeah… Dude,” Colton looked at Black Cat, “any chance you can tell me what tech your staff uses?”

“Tt. It’s magic.”

“No, seriously, I suppose it could be an organic metal of some sort, but it’s able to perfectly support your weight at the same time.”

“Magic.” The vigilante-turned-hero growled.

“Come on! Don’t do it to me, man! Pom won’t let me live it down!”

“I told you magic was real!” The teen was glaring at him with a smirk on her face.

“Tt. Don’t play with magic or you’ll get burnt.” He scoffed.

“Don’t be a grumpy cat!” Ladybug called from over the book. “Silverlock… Why does it sound so familiar…”

“Did you say Silverlock?” One of the teens peaked. “I’m Olive Silverlock.”

“Bellatrix Silverlock was the only akuma from that period mentioned here by name… I wonder why… Ugh! I can’t decipher that part. It’s too old and damaged.” The heroine groaned. “Cat! We should move back to the base.” She pulled a pair of glasses from her yo-yo and put them on. “Tikki! Kaalki! Merge!”

As soon as the light of transformation died, a portal consumed both superheroes and the book, leaving the teens alone in the dark library.

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Sabine paced around the manor in the foul mood she was in ever since she sent the kids on their way after initiation and returned home for some long-deserved rest. Half-way home, she received a phone-call from Chloé saying that Marinette was crying in the bathroom with her over another girl that threatened her. The only thing that stopped Sabine from turning around and possibly crashing the car through the front gates was her daughter begging her not to.

She admired that her little girl tried to resolve the problems herself and she didn’t want to come off as overbearing and intruding. It wouldn’t stop her from preparing for if it seemed too much for her sunshine. She made a mistake with Lila. This time, she would be ready. But first, she needed tools.

“Tom! Where is my suit?!” She called out to her husband, who was happily baking in the kitchen. He finally managed to kick Alfred out and get control. Sabine laughed when the butler, passing her, revealed that he let him win.

“I think Bruce wanted to put it in the vault, together with the bag!” The large man answered with a merry tone.

“Thank you, honey! I think I’ll be going out for a while!”

“Be safe!”

Finally having a direction, she stormed toward the vault. It was hidden under the stairs, where one had to first enter a secret passage, only to then open a door in the wall.

When she opened the doors and looked inside, her first instinct was to immediately go into a battle stance.

It looked like a tornado passed through the room, which was supposed to be neatly ordered. All the documents were scattered, two priceless artifacts got destroyed and every drawer was pulled out. Inside the wall opposite to the doors, someone made a giant hole. The concrete was shattered and the metal reinforcement cage was pulled apart.

Warily, Sabine approached the hole. Once she got closer, she could take a better look at the reinforcement. What got her attention was the way it was bent. Someone grabbed it and ripped it apart. The hole itself also revealed a small rectangular area that was used to hide something. A secret buried so deeply it was frozen inside a wall of a hidden vault inside a hidden corridor in one of the best-guarded buildings in Gotham.

“Oh for crying out loud! I just wanted my suit…” She threw her hands up.

---------

More or less at the same time, Tim had a lazy day at the cave. He didn’t need to return to Wayne Enterprises for at least another week. He tried to solve a cold case, using the updated list of secret powers Sabine provided him. He and Bruce were both worried about how much had escaped them. Neither considered Luxembourg Secret Service to be capable of ordering a hit on a hitman that was after their Duke. And hire Lady Shiva nonetheless.

He just got himself a new cup of coffee when suddenly, a portal appeared in the middle of the cave and dropped two superheroes and a book on a podium. The Cat landed on his feet while Ladybug fell on her rear with a soft thud. Startled, Tim dropped his mug and the coffee spilled all around him.

“Could you not!?” He shouted, a bit embarrassed that they got a drop on him so easily.

“Tt. Shut up replacement.” Cat growled. He and Marinette dropped their transformations and she proceeded to feed Tikki with some cookies while he reluctantly pulled a small, isolated box from his pocket and gave Plagg a bit of cheese.

“We’ve got plenty of new material after the last akuma attack. I’ve sent you a picture of a woman using the Peacock Miraculous and we’ve got an essential book.” She walked over to the bat computer. “It appears that they used the distraction the akuma caused to infiltrate the place.”

“I’m not sure, Angel.” Damian was busy with the other screen, trying to attach the tablet to it. The deciphering system managed to unlock it already and while he waited for the system to scan for any traps, he browsed the photos. “From the look of it, she only got two or three pages before we ambushed her. She must’ve arrived shortly before us or couldn’t find it for a long time. I would hazard a guess that she didn’t know about it.”

“But… That would mean she was at school when… but how would she… No! The only other person that heard about the book was Erica.”

“Maybe not. She could’ve been there trying to get some information on us.”

“But how did she get there before us?”

“Tt. It’s not like the Detective Club was in any hurry.” He huffed.

“Um… That’s all great and all, but what the bat are you talking about?” Tim asked, trying to get between the married couple.

“We had an akuma attack at school. Damian earned detention for calling Hammerhead old while out of the suit. After we dealt with the akuma we learned about this book,” she pointed at the podium. “We went to check it and found the new Peacock trying to photograph as much as she could. We stole her tablet and kicked her backside.” Marinette beamed.

Their discussion was interrupted when Sabine stormed inside the cave. “I need security feed from the Gala. Someone trashed the Wayne Vault and stole some box!” She shouted at Tim. “Oh! Hi Sweetie. Go change out of the uniform and we will get tea in a minute.” She smiled at her daughter. Except it was not as genuine as her usual smile. It felt much more forced.

“Maman. I would love to, but maybe let’s deal with the break-in first?”

“We must wait for Bruce to get back anyway. He took Cass to the ballet class today. My turn will be on Thursday.”

She pulled the video feed from the camera that overlooked the entrance to the corridor that led to the Vault. She put it on double speed and watched various guests hang around and talk. They usually had a glass of champagne. Suddenly, Marinette lunged and pressed the pause button.

“Him!” She pointed to a younger man with jet black hair and a white mask that covered the upper part of his face. His hair was neatly combed back with no small amount of hair gel, enough that it shined in the camera.

“He doesn’t stand out really…” Tim scanned the image.

“The bracelet!” She seethed. “I can’t believe that bastard still carries the bracelet.”

“Tt. I can cut it off next time I see him.” Damian offered before muttering “Together with the arm.” Luckily for him, Marinette had more pressing matters than stopping his murderous instincts.

“So Agreste somehow got inside during the Gala. It’s maybe an hour before the akuma attack.” They continued to watch as he chatted with people nearby. Finally, when they left, he slipped inside the secret passage. They switched to the camera inside, only for it to then be destroyed by a cane. The one inside the vault was a bit farther away, so before it was destroyed they got a good look at the boy.

The male figure had a dark purple suit with the signature butterfly brooch pinned to the top of the shirt. His chest was protected by two black flaps that looked a bit like the moth wings. In his black gloves, he held a cane topped with a purple orb. The face was covered by a simple domino mask that did nothing to hide the mane of blonde hair on top of his head.

“At least we know that he inherited his father’s lack of taste. At least his mask isn’t…” Marinette stopped herself when Damian poked her side and pointed toward the glass cabinet inside which the first Red Robin uniform was. Its mask was pretty close to what Gabriel wore. “Oh… Nevermind.”

Tim was clearly unamused.

“This is still important. We’ve got a first look at his transformation. We can set cameras to, in addition to akuma tracing, scan for him personally.”

“I don’t think it would do much good. The image wasn’t the best.”

“But how did he avoid the scanners?”

“Alfred was busy, tracking a suspicious blonde with bi-colored eyes. She was supposed to have messed too close to the kitchen for his liking.” Tim explained.

“I remember her. She said something to me. ‘You’re far from victory yet’. I considered it suspicious, but in the whirlwind of the following events, the meeting slipped my mind.”

“You! The great Damian Wayne forgot a crucial detail!?” Tim laughed. “This is gold! I need to mark the date on my calendar!”

“Tt. And I need a set of matches.” The youngest Wayne growled.

“So we’ve got another suspect on the list?”

“It’s getting complicated. First the vault, then the book… Hawkmoth was narrow-minded in his goals. Create akumas, have them hunt Ladybug and Chat Noir, take the Miraculous.” Marinette collapsed on the nearby chair. “Adrien is… he’s more organized. He’s got a plan. He’s not after the Miraculous. Or rather not directly. There is something else he’s trying to find. I’m just not sure what…”

“The history of Gotham is filled with so many mysteries that we wouldn’t even have any idea where to begin.” Tim wasn’t helpful. At all.

“We know they stole something from Wayne Vault and used the akuma as a distraction to carry it away. Then, they attacked the school. What could be at Gotham Academy that they had a personal interest in?”

“The book?”

“I don’t think they knew about it. The attack on the Academy could’ve been to test our abilities.”

Tikki and Plagg floated to the group. “Gotham is a dark place.” Ladybug Kwami started. “There are so many things in this city…”

“What about the Bat miraculous, cookie?” Plagg asked. “I mean where else would it be but Gotham?”

“Bat… Miraculous…” Time starred at the two mini-gods. “You’re joking, right?”

“No. Balla is the Kwami of clarity.” Tikki nodded. “The Bat Miraculous gives the wearer supernatural perception and near-precognition.”

“What?” Marinette asked, not sure what the word was supposed to mean.

“They can see the immediate future.” Her mother clarified for her.

“Is it possible they are after the Bat…” she tried to imagine what jewelry would be associated with bats. Tikki came to help.

“It’s the belt buckle.”

“Tt. Bat Buckle?” Damian raised an eyebrow. “Whoever made the Miraculous had a great sense of humor.”

“Okay. But we still need to figure out their next step…”

“Sweetie? Maybe you focus on school and let me deal with this?” Sabine asked after a moment.

“But… I’m the Guardian.”

“And you’re also a teenager.” Her mother countered. “I’m not trying to replace you or keep you on the sidelines. I am your mom though. Teenage years are supposed to be the best in your life. You should be dating, spending time with friends. Exploring the world. Nowhere on that list is fighting against a mad terrorist.”

“But… but… I can’t just sit back while you fight!”

“You can still fight. And help.” Sabine tried again. “I just don’t want you to devote all your time to this. You can leave the investigation to me, Bruce and Tim and enjoy the time with friends; Or design; Or take Damian on dates.”

“Tt. It’s my duty to take her on dates.”

“Dream on, grumpy cat.” Marinette booped his nose and giggled at the face he made.

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Masterlist // Next

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rachelthompsonauthor · 3 years

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What is social proof? It’s a marketing concept that we are all inadvertently, unknowingly contributing to every time we click on, retweet, like, reply or comment, and share any kind of social media, article, or blog post on the net. Technically, social proof, as defined by Sprout Social is:

The concept that people will follow the actions of the masses. The idea is that since so many other people behave in a certain way, it must be the correct behavior.

Social Proof and Me

As an author, social media is a hugely important part of my author platform, as it is for any writer or blogger. This is how we connect with readers now, even before the pandemic. Virtual, online events are now the norm. Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Live video discussions are the new book signings. Twitter chats are weekly on any number of topics; I have two of my own, in fact, #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est.

All important for visibility, branding, and most importantly, connection.

However…there’s a limit. I reached my limit over the course of this past year. It didn’t come all at once. It came, little by little, reaching a peak this past month or so.

Why? How? Me, the so-called social media expert?

Access. Like many people, I have issues with the incredible level of access Facebook gives people once we friend them without our consent. PMs (private messages) are automatic, now with the ability for people to call, voice, and video message us, with no option to shut these options to OFF unless we unfriend the person (we can, however, mute a specific conversation). Technically, we do give them consent in the legal mumbo jumbo we all agreed to when we joined back in the 2010s.

I am not okay with this. And Facebook doesn’t care. Nobody cares. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, Karen. Shut up, already. Stop your whining, white lady.” I get it. I do. First-world problems.

I counter with: I hear you. It’s also part of my business. A huge part. Here’s why:

As someone who manages over 70+ various social media accounts as part of my BadRedhead Media business, plus my own accounts as well, Facebook requires I have a personal account in order to manage all those other Pages. I do understand why, particularly with all the ridiculousness of the past four years with the abundance of fake accounts, fake news, and such.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and stalking, this is ultra-concerning to me. So, what happened this past month or so? Suffice it to say, one person repeatedly tried calling me. I never pick up Facebook calls, especially if I don’t know you. Another left me a few voice messages saying they were offended by something.

Yet another left me another message in ALL SHOUTY CAPS that she didn’t find what I posted inspirational enough and she expected better from someone who is “supposedly on the side of authors.”

Oh, and there is the one lady who started replying on ALL my posts to the kind people who did comment that she didn’t think I replied often enough or to her satisfaction.

Well. I’ve been criticized before. You should read some of my 1-star reviews. There’s plenty!

But, for whatever reason, this struck a chord. I got up in my feels. I cried. I talked with one of them and we worked it out because we like and respect each other’s work in the mental health space. The others I blocked. It’s darn frustrating to donate hours of my time each week to helping writers solely because I want to, only to be told it’s not enough. Like, seriously? Fuck off.

My blood raged. My heart sank. Understandable, right?

But what really made me angry is that I put myself in that position by being available. I accepted that ‘it is what it is.’ This is what the social media platforms have given us, so that’s what I have to work within.

I’m too available. It’s too easy to leave me shitty messages. This is why people hire people like me – to handle this crap for them! So they don’t have to read these ridiculous criticisms from judgy people who apparently have nothing better to do or are having a bad day.

And I get bad days. It’s a damn pandemic. We’re all struggling. Where’s the damn compassion for one another?

I have a dislike/hate relationship with Facebook anyway, since about ten or so years ago when I discovered that a past love had died by suicide by going to his personal profile and seeing, “RIP dude,” messages there. We had spoken early that day. It still haunts me.

So…what to do? I’m claiming my time. I’m not posting to my personal Facebook profile right now. I’m ignoring it. I am checking my Pages and of course, my client Pages. When I feel like I can face it again, I will cull my ‘friends’ down from *checks real quick* 4385 people to maybe, I don’t know, the few hundred in my groups, many of whom I do know and treasure.

Social Proof and You

If you’re a writer, social proof matters. This is the world we live in. Publishing is not only writing.

You need to be ‘findable,’ not only on Google, but also on each individual social platform, so your readers can learn more about you and hopefully, buy your books. If you go the traditional route, publishers and agents want to know how many followers you have (easily upped by buying fake followers or likes from Fiverr or wherever). I suggest not doing that, because:

1) fake followers don’t buy books

2) it’s usually pretty obvious when you have fake followers because they’re all foreign names, have questionable bios, and no tweets

3) do you really want to start your publishing career with a lie?

They also want to know what you post, how often, and what your branding is. If you’re an indie author, honestly, the same applies. Social proof is about connection, building relationships, and authenticity. I’ve believed that since I started my business and writing career way back in 2011, and I stand by it now. Start slow, grow slow. It’s not a race.

I’m the furthest thing you’ll even find from a conspiracy theorist – I don’t believe in chemtrails, pizza parlor cabals, or that the earth is flat. However, I am a realist. Watch The Social Dilemma sometime. These huge tech companies share our data without our knowledge or consent (Cambridge Analytics, anyone?). Younger generations are so used to this, they don’t really care – ask them.

(My kids think having a chip implanted in their hands with all their data is a fabulous idea. “So much easier than having to talk and repeat everything over and over. Just scan me and be done with it,” says my daughter Anya (21). “Agree,” grunts my son, Lukas (15). Buy stuff, go to the doctor, whatever. Scan and go. Talk with any GenZ kid, you’ll likely get a similar answer. They’ve been tracked since birth everywhere. They don’t know life without a computer, tablet, or phone in their hands.)

Know that whatever we do, it’s all part of each platforms’ AI, and they share data, which is why that darling pair of shoes you just saw on Amazon is now showing up on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and every website you visit going forward. It’s all about the money, and they all get a piece of that affiliate link.

Every bit of every click is recorded, even when you’re watching videos on YouTube, or a subscription service like Netflix, or perusing goods on Amazon. It’s all connected. I’m not shocked or surprised by any of this, are you?

It’s Not Personal

What people say to us and about us is ultimately incredibly revealing about them. We know this, at an intellectual, psychological, and emotional level. Still, when people say mean things, it hurts. We’re human.

Does it matter in the overall scope of our lives? Who can say. It matters at that moment. It can matter when it comes to overall visibility when you’re marketing your book(s) or trying to get that book contract or interview. Only you can say if it matters to you.

Already a longtime fan of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took a moment to reorient myself with this one agreement: Don’t take anything personally. I also stumbled across an excellent short and entertaining TEDTalk by Frederick Imbo. His main message to stop taking things personally is two-fold;

It’s not about me. Look at the other person’s intention and

It IS about me. Give yourself some empathy. Speak up. Ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel and be vulnerable with your needs.

I’m glad I was able to, inadvertently, employ point #2 and work out some issues with one of the people by telling him what he said made me cry. He apologized. I apologized. We talked it through and we’re still friends.

Ultimately, social media is what we contribute to it. What we make it. How much we allow of it into our lives. Social proof is going along with the tide. I’ve been in this space since 2008. Being connected to others is a big part of the work I do to help and support not only other writers, but also other childhood sexual abuse survivors. However, I’ve reached that point. I knew it was coming.

I’m not shutting my doors. I’m just adding a screen. With a strong lock.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

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shanie-the-toyaddict · 4 years

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Shanie’s Dream Fic: A Masterpost

The following is a Masterpost of all my various finished, started, and sketched out dream stories. They are listed here as the dreams originally were, not as the stories the dreams became. Listings are by Saga/Series, Story Title, and Month/Year of original dream. Also listed are the fandoms of the dreams and any specific warnings the fics might carry. For the record, this isn’t a post really for anyone on here. It’s mostly for my own records. I do have a copy on my cloud storage but I’m putting it here as well on the off chance anyone is curious. BTW: I’m putting this here so that I don’t have to list it every time. As far as the WWE dreams go. Absolutely NONE of them are Kayfabe compliant. That’s the problem with not watching the shows regularly. I don’t dream about the TV side of it often. The Zowens dream is close though. It’s sort of a hybrid. The rest? Well, all of them are some level of NKC, but some are not only non-kayfabe, they are straight up AU. BTW2: In every single one of these stories involving me I am some manner of queer. I’m pretty sure in all but maybe one or two. I’m either wlw, ace, or both. NOT ONE of the first person dreams contains romance between me and another character. The best you get is a single platonic fake-relationship story. (That one did have a smut scene in it but it isn’t romantic.)

Anyway, list behind the cut!

ADVENTURES IN DREAMLAND Master Post

SAGA A Family Beyond Blood

Part 1 Darkness Fallen (August 2019) I find myself trapped in a world where I died as a child. Now as a spirit I must find a way to restore the universe to it’s proper order. (Somehow my young death caused the entire universe to splinter) *McMahon Family and MCU Dream* Part 2 Death and Life on Planet Earth (August 2019)

Having saved the universe but not ourselves, I vow to do whatever it takes to return Shane to his rightful place with his family. *McMahon Family and MCU Dream*

Part 3 A World Restored to Fall (August 2019)

The universe has been reset again, and I have been returned to my proper timeline. Or have I? There’re odd happenings in a local bookshop and it’s up to me to figure out how to stop them *Original Dream Featuring IRL People*

Part 4 World War Winter (August 2019)

Nuclear Holocaust has occurred. The world is at war with the machines. As a soldier in the CAMP forces, I must leave everything I know behind and face down the android army. But, maybe there’s a familiar face or two in CAMP after all... *McMahon Family Dream* *VIOLENT*

Part 5 Of Queens and Kingdoms (August 2019)

The world is reset. AGAIN. This time, it’s me, Shane and Marissa in a new land where the middle ages and modern times are happening simultaneously and women are the dominant gender. And, somehow, I’m the bloody queen. *McMahon Family and WWE Universe Dream*

Part 6 Titans Reign (August 2019)

Having ascended to the throne and filling the royal court with WWE superstars, I must now find a way to rule over a land I barely know. Meanwhile, a sinister plot is brewing to put the patriarchy back in power. *McMahon Family and WWE Universe Dream*

SAGA That’s What Friends Are For

Part 1 Death of a Fangirl (and Birth of a Friend) (October 2019) [Only Published Story on List]

I find myself being given the chance to meet Shane. Unfortunately, my mental illness turns the dream into a nightmare and my life unravels. But don’t worry. Shane will save the day. He always does. *Shane O Mac Dream*

Part 2 With A Song In Her Heart (October 2019)

Shane has been ignoring my texts, so I hunt him down. My search finds me at a pride festival where a spontaneous song catches his attention a little too well. *Shane O Mac Dream*

Part 3 One Last Birthday to Celebrate (November 2019)

It’s Christmastime in Squirrel Hill. For some dumb reason, Shane McMahon has decided to visit me the day before his birthday. Naturally I surprise him with a present. The other surprise (getting caught in a domestic dispute) is far less pleasant. *Shane O Mac Dream* *VIOLENT*

Part 4 The Pink Rose (Not a Dream)

I survived the shooting. Waking up in a hospital, I find my mother and a room full of flowers from the WWE Superstars. But one flower, a lone pink rose, is unlabeled. Wanna take a wild guess who sent that one? *WWE Universe Story NOT Based on A Dream*

Part 5 Dreams and Demons (December 2019)

So, it seems that watching your friend nearly die in a hail of bullets isn’t the best for your mental health. At WrestleMania 37, Shane is presented with a choice. Me, or TV. Of course he chooses me, this is my dream, what other choice would there be? *WWE Universe Dream*

[Are you starting to see why I never publish any of these. They are painfully bad self inserts and woefully self-indulgent. But they are also therapy, hence the writing]

SERIES Trippy Shorts

Story 1 A Little Fall of Acid Rain (August 2019)

The world is ending – but only in NYC. I’m there. So are the McMahons. Destruction and danger abound. *McMahon Family Dream*

Story 2 I Know Who I Am (September 2019)

All of my favorites from TV, movies, music, and wrestling are turning up murdered. Each time, a cryptic message is left behind, written in blood. Can I figure out the connection before everyone I like is killed? *General Pop Culture Dream* *EXTREMELY VIOLENT AND DISTURBING*

Story 3 Fixed Points and Fixed Pairings [An Unfinished Symphony] (September 2019)

One night, outside the bar, I am approached by an older version of myself. She brings a time machine and a mission – go back to the attitude era and change time so Shane remains the heir apparent. But some people are just meant to be together, and others just refuse to listen – even to an angel from the future. *WWE Universe Dream*

Story 4 A Song of Summer [A Snapshot] (October 2019)

As an Agent of SHIELD, it doesn’t take a genius to see that Black Widow and Hawkeye are in love. So, through the power of music, I decide to try and hook them up. *MCU Dream*

Story 5 Journeys Beginning [A Snapshot] (December 2019)

One day at school, I find myself amid an alien incursion. But don’t worry, the Doctor is on the case. Also, Shane is involved because of course he is. *Shane O Mac and Doctor Who Dream*

Story 6 Arson, Murder, and Revolution (January 2020)

At a Hollywood LGBTQ party, I find myself caught in a plot by the Trump administration to commit mass murder. When it goes awry, revolution stirs and it’s up to me and several other progressive celebrities to light the fuse *General Pop Culture Dream* *VIOLENT*

[See, they aren’t all about Shane. Just... most of them]

STAND ALONE STORIES

Once Upon a Dream (August 2019)

I black out drunk in an alley one night and awake to find myself in a dream. It’s 1990 and I’m somehow a middle-aged black woman. Also sharing the dream is a young and angry Shane McMahon. Together we use the circumstances of the dream to fuck shit up for the NYPD. *Shane O Mac Dream* *VIOLENT*

The Many Deaths of a Tabhead (August 2019)

Five years after getting hooked on a new drug called Tabs, I find myself in an endless loop of getting murdered. The only way out is to survive. Too bad I have no memory, and everyone wants me dead *Original Story Featuring IRL People* *VIOLENT AND DISTURBING*

Champion of the Faerie Queen (December 2019)

Did you know that Marissa McMahon is the Faerie Queen and Shane is her consort? Neither did I. And, it seems, when war comes a calling, it’s up to me to save the McMahons and the country. But I’ve got superpowers now, so that helps. *McMahon Family, MCU, and DC Universe Dream*

To Earthquakes, Lovers, and Newfound Friends (May 2020)

In lovely SoCal, I’m watching a movie when an earthquake strikes. I soon find myself both blind and badly burned. The only hope I have to survive is a certain pair of lovers who just happen to be in the area for some R&R. *Zowens Dream*

Penny and Kicks vs The World (June 2020)

As a longtime WWE employee, I’ve been best friends with Shane for years. But in the fallout of Coronavirus, the public is looking for a scapegoat. Vince is more than happy to offer up my father. Now, the entire wrestling world is in turmoil and Shane and I are just trying to weather the storm. *WWE Universe Dream* *VIOLENT*

Virginia Gothic (October 2019)

In a world where my highschool sweetheart and I never broke up, we must forge a path on our own through hardship and rejection. But what is the meaning of the mysterious Jesus statue? And why is Bacchus being so damn shifty? *Original Dream Featuring IRL People*

Uzil (January 2020)

An mystical being from the horsehead nebula takes up residence in a little boy’s guinea pig. The miracles come quickly and soon they are inseparable. *Original Third Person Dream* (I wasn’t in this one)

The E-Manual (February 2020)

The end of days is drawing near. I have been chosen as a prophet of the end times by the Almighty himself. I must go out into the world armed with only scripture and a mystical magazine, trying to convert as many people as possible before time runs out. *A Mostly Original Dream* (Shane’s in the last two pages)

Seraphina and the Seven Wishes (April 2020)

The world is a video game and the McMahon’s are the Addams family. It only gets weirder from there. *McMahon Family Dream*

A Matter of Science (And Opinion) (May 2020)

I accidentally set fire to my apartment during a spell. I’m promptly arrested and call The Doctor as my defense. Sadly, the call is rerouted to Stormcage and SpongeBob SquarePants ends up on the case instead. This one is every bit as absurd as it sounds. *Doctor Who and SpongeBob SquarePants Dream*

A Revolution In This Century (Enter Me) (November 2019) The year is 2027. Climate Change has decimated the globe and revolution has reduced the Ruling Elite to food reserves. However, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and soon the new ruling poor become as ruthless as the 1% had been. In this horrible dystopia, I am a powerful government official who has taken on the McMahons as consorts for the sole purpose of saving their skins. *McMahon Family Dream* *VIOLENT, DISTURBING, AND A BIT SMUTTY*

Crystal Vision – A Dozen Birthdays (December 2019)

After showing kindness to an enchantress, I am given my hearts greatest desire – a place in Shane’s life. I am sent back in time to 2005 as a WWE Makeup tech and given 12 years in the life of my childhood heroes. But a lot happened in the WWE from 2005 to 2017 and not all of it good. How much can and do I dare change? *WWE Universe Dream* *Painfully NKC. Disturbing subject matter involved because 2007 is a thing.*

Dr. Slime and the Wondernerds (August 2019)

Three high school nerds find themselves in possession of a mysterious green substance. When it explodes during an experiment, they find they have been given superpowers. However, this is the real world and super-powered “freaks” get picked apart, not celebrated. Can the teens resist using their powers? *Original Third Person Dream* (I’m not in this one)

Planeswalking Like A Grecian (October 2019)

After death, Xena finds herself on the Astral Plane. Promptly running into Joxer, they must find a way to survive the dangers of the afterlife. But don’t worry. Gabrielle has a plan. *Xenaverse Dream* (I’m not in this one)

The Foresight Curse (June 2020)

The problem with knowing the future is that you usually don’t have the ability to change it. So when Radar O’Reilly realizes Henry’s fate the day before it happens, he has to spend the next day trying to drown out the feelings of dread and sorrow, if only for the Colonel’s sake. Funny thing though, sometimes fate takes a left turn and you get a second chance to say goodbye. *M*A*S*H Universe Dream* (I’m not in this one) Vampires, Wraiths, and Shades, Oh My! (December 2019)

In the middle ages, I am orphaned at a very young age by vampires and taken in by Vampire Hunters (AU Shane and Stephanie). Now a teenager, I fight alongside them to protect the world from the dangers of the night. *McMahon Family Vampire AU Dream*

WHEW! I’m pretty sure that’s all of them! I have so dang many dreams it’s hard to keep track of them all! Anyway, out of all of these, only a handful are finished, ONE is published (Death of a Fangirl) and a ton of them aren’t far past the sketch stage. So, this is my list. Every story on here I at least have sketched out. I doubt I will ever even bother writing many of these, but the intent is present.

#Shanie's Dream Fic Masterpost

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annakie · 5 years

Photo

A Post about Patchy

Hey would you like to read a lot of words about and see some pics of this cat? Because I’m going to do that below this cut.

Don’t worry, longtime followers, this is a happy post.

Those of you who have been following me since 2014 or before may remember Patchy. I don’t talk about her much on the blog, but I think it’s time.

If you were worried this may be a post-mortem post, don’t be. She’s happy and healthy.

The pic above was taken in October 2010. It’s the earliest picture I have of Patchy. By this point I had already known her for about a year.

Back in like 2009, around the time I got Cebu, when I started actually looking out in my backyard, I realized that there were several cats who hung out back there at night. I just have a chain link fence in my yard so it’s not surprising they could easily jump it from the alley or side yards, and I have a pretty large patio with some comfy patio chairs, so I guess it seemed like a good spot for them to hang, since I wasn’t out there much.

I wouldn’t know that TNR was a thing for awhile, and since I have a soft spot for cats, I’d leave them out some kibble, I’d just buy a bag of the cheapest stuff at the grocery store and throw a cup out a night to keep them from starving to death back then. There were often 5 or so cats back there, and if I’d have known then what I know now, I would have started TNR way earlier.

The cats would come and go, and there were so many that I just called them by identifying characteristics. “Brown-nosed tabby” and “Tuxedo” and “Orangie” or whatever. So this Calico just became “Patchy” since she has patches of color. For awhile, she was just one of that gang.

Cats would disappear, new ones would show up. Patchy and Moustachio, a shorthaired B&W cat with a mustache, were around the longest. I’m not sure what happened to most of the other cats, I’m sure they got hit by cars and picked up by the pound and other unpleasantness. I had to dispose of a few myself.

Patchy, somehow, kept surviving. Although there were a few times when she’d disappear for weeks at a time and I guessed that was the end of her, but she’d show up later all skin and bones, and then I’d switch her to my cats’ expensive, grain-free food and even give her wet food to get her back on her feet. Once she even showed up bloody with a very scary gash on her head. Not being able to touch her to put like, neosporin or something on that was killing me and I did what I could to help her recover, which was mostly just making sure she had plenty of good food and water. She made it.

And in these first few years, several times, kitten litters showed up in my backyard.

Cebu... get out of the way. (He was always real good about knowing exactly where to be for being in the way. I miss him so much.) (Pics taken in May, 2013.)

Ah, yeah, there’s Patchy with two litters of kittens, one of which was hers and the others were her own grandchildren. I rescued two out of those eleven and still kick myself for not doing more.

After having to clean up a few of her messes and over a few years saving over a half dozen of her kittens, and not saving many more, I decided it was time to do something about this. I started by getting her to trust going into my house.

My master bedroom has a sliding glass door to the patio. (The door you see there goes into the garage, sliding glass door is to the right.) So I started trailing food into the house and into the master bathroom to get her to explore there, and under the bed so she saw a safe place to hide. I’d then hanging out in the bedroom reading and letting her come in to explore the inside. I got her to understand there was food and clean water, and shelter there.

I thought I wasn’t far enough along with trusting me when she was pregnant once again in spring, 2014. But one night she did run right inside the house when I opened the sliding glass door to let Cebu out, climbed into the lining that had been ripped out a bit under my bed, and set up camp. For the next few months, she lived there. I contacted a feral rescue group in my area who agreed to let me foster the kitties and they’d get them adopted, then loan me a trap to get Patchy TNR’d. So that was a relief.

Also? Patchy picked the spot where she wanted to “go”, and after I cleaned up that first mess I put a litter box there and she took right to it, have NEVER had a litter issue since.

The long, and complete story about the next few months can be found on my Rescue Kitties tag, with many many pictures and updates. But I’ll still post a few, and a summary.

She never came out from beneath the bed if I was in the room, but I would go hang out with her when I got home from work every day, lay on the floor and sing to her and talk to her, give her yummy wet food, and sometimes, if she felt frisky, she’d play laser pointer with me when I would lay in bed before sleeping at night, always on the floor, never daring to get on the bed. That’s fine.

In April 2014 one morning I awoke to kitten noises.

She was such a good momma to those kittens. After the first day & night in the birthing box I set up for her, and she did even let me change out the towel (but got real mad when I tried to move the food bowl slightly away), she brought the babies back under the bed and I’d have to peek and use my camera to even see them.

Eventually, they got old enough to get curious, they came out to play, and she let me play with them and socialize them.

And after a few more weeks, the babies went to the rescue group, and found their forever homes.

It took TWO MORE WEEKS of making Patchy very unhappily live inside before I could get her into a trap, so she could be TNR’d. Although she was OK with me touching the babies, touching was strictly off-limits for HER.

But hey! We did it! She went and got TNR’d, got a clean bill of health... and went back outside.

I didn’t see her for like two weeks, and when she came back she was skin and bones, and decided that maybe it was OK to be back here and let me give her food again, after all.

And then for the next year or so, well, if it were really hot or cold or storming outside, when I’d let Cebu out before bed, maybe she’d decide to spend the night under the bed, after all. But she wanted to go back outside during the day. That’s fine. The other cats hated being locked out of the bedroom sometimes, but they got used to it.

Slowly, throughout 2014 and 2015 her inside stays got a little longer and a little longer. It was too hot or too cold out for days at a time, then weeks at a time.

The worst part about this time is that she’d get fleas. And then Cebu would get fleas, and then Jim, Leela, Fry and Pemily would have fleas. And then I’d have to do an expensive round of flea meds on all 5 of the inside pets, and not being able to touch Patchy to give HER meds was a problem until I found some like, garlic pills online that I’d mash into her wet food and give to her. Luckily, between that and flea-powdering (the vacuuming) the carpets, the fleas would be taken care of. I think I went through this three times. Eventually I just started giving her a flea pill once a month. I didn’t love doing it because apparently some cats have bad reactions, but it was that or... stop letting her into the house because I couldn’t keep exposing the rest of the pets to fleas. Luckily, it worked.

Of course when Cebu died at the end of 2016 I had a lot less reason to ever go to the backyard, so, she had a lot fewer chances to try and go outside, anyway. But it’d been awhile before that since she’d go out. I used to leave the door open enough for Cebu to go out and come back in during nice days, and she wouldn’t bother most of the time. And usually, even when she did, she’d be back inside for bed.

She did get out for like two minutes once last year, but she made it to the end of the backyard, saw I was going back inside, and ran back to me and inside all on her own after that.

She’s at least ten years old now, I think she’s happy to be settled.

I feel bad that she lives her entire life in one room. I’ve tried a few things to see if she wants to integrate. Pemily is my most social and outgoing and friendly cat, and also she is literally Patchy’s granddaughter, and several times Pemily has managed to sneak her way into the bedroom, she’s very wiley. Patchy DOES NOT LIKE IT. Usually within 10 minutes there are growls, spits and hisses. Once or twice Pemily has made it into the bedroom without me noticing, and I’ll find her sitting by the door VERY READY to leave when I go back in. Patchy and Fry would never get along, and she’d probably bully Leela, so... she’s a bedroom cat.

We still play laser pointer, I made sure we has a few hunting-type toys, which are the only thing she responds to. I’ve tried several “enrichment” toys that the other cats like, stimulation toys, hiding toys, a mini-cat tower that she only uses the brush on, special places to lay down... whatever. I also bought her a life-sized stuff cat for companionship and NOPE, she hissed at it. I left in in the room just in case she gets used to it and she ignores it. She doesn’t really care. She likes to hunt fake mice and the laser pointer, everything else is “Meh.”

She used to dump her water out all the time and I realized she likes to drink moving water, so I put Cebu’s water fountain in there and she loves it. She has the view of the backyard from the sliding glass doors she spends a lot of time looking out at. She has crunchy food always and gets some wet food when I get home from work, I spend a few minutes with her when I come home from work every day and at least an hour hanging out in bed watching shows and playing laser pointer... and she seemed happy.

In January, 2016 I woke up one night and found a warm lump next to my feet.

It may have been a little earlier than that, but not much. Patchy figured out that it’s more comfy ON the bed (well, she had been sleeping up there when I wasn’t in the room before then, but never while I was there) and hey, humans are warm! Actually now that I look at it, I think this pic was taken in the afternoon, so maybe this was one of the first times she came onto the bed when she knew I was awake. (Hey, I’m big on weekend afternoon naps.)

Further strides.. were slow, but measured. The first time she’d come up on the bed while I was sitting up. The first time she walked on me when I was laying on my side. The first time she walked on my stomach and smelled my face. Figuring out that sleeping higher up on the legs is even warmer. Figuring out that purring and making biscuits on the human’s leg was really nice. Oh man, I cried the first time she made biscuits and I heard her purring. That was probably early 2017.

I had a few aborted attempts at trying to touch / pet her, including thinking she was Pemily while I was still half alseep. These always lead to setbacks that took awhile to get that trust back.

After awhile, she’d sometimes even do stuff like... this.

This was a huge deal because it was the first time I had even thought to record her and she just came right up and said hi, and she laid there for like 20 seconds while I talked to her.

And then I asked her if she wanted pets, and she immediately backed off.

But hey, she backed off to go do this...

So it wasn’t so terrible. A little biscuit making before settling down to hang out.

I decided about a year ago, that to move forward, what I needed was to get her used to my hands. So I began Operations: Hands are OK! For literally the last year, every day I just try to spend a few minutes with my hands somewhere near her when she settles in. And I started trying TINY PETS on her paws when she was relaxed. This was a gamble because most cats hate having their paws touched. But she could see my fingers touching her paws, and tiny gentle paw strokes that did not hurt were something she could control, and remove her paws from. Which usually she did, and at first she’d get up and move, but eventually, she’d just tuck her paws under.

Sometimes... even something like this would happen...

See? You can touch MY hands, too! It’s OK!

I also let her sniff my hand any time she was close enough, and she got used to that, I started using it as a greeting. She was totes OK with touching any part of me that was covered up with a blanket at this point. So I’d also put my hand under the blanket sometimes and then under her paws or side. She didn’t like this much, either, but would tolerate it in small bursts.

I was patient with her and tried to not push her boundaries too much.

The thing is, though, she has not been to the vet since getting TNR’d in 2014, and she’s now at least 10 years old. I don’t want to take her if it’s going to set her back, and I don’t want to someday have her be sick and still terrified of my hands, of touch, so... I pushed forward.

The last few months... I started feeling like she knew she wanted something else, but she didn’t know what she wanted or how to ask for it. So I went for pets with the back of my hand a few times, slowly, letting her know where my hand was at all times and she’d... run away after a short brush.

She’d hang out... close, like this, though. Looking at me like... “I need something. What is it that I need?”

Less than two weeks ago, on June 12, I had to wake up at 4am for a work thing, made it back to bed at 6:15ish, then woke up, oops, an hour later than I meant to around 9am. I really needed to get up and get to work, but woke up to Patchy laying with me, then when she saw I was awake she climbed up to my stomach, purring.

“Okay, we’re gonna try pets again,” I said to her, and showed her the back of my hand. She sniffed it, then I lightly brushed it against her side. She didn’t move.

“Okay, we’re gonna do that again,” I said, and for 4 or 5 strokes, she let me. So I got bold, and went for the regular front-hand full body pet down the spine.

She let me. I held my breath and looked at her and she didn’t move. I tried again and she let me. And after a few seconds... I was just... petting her. Like you would any other cat. I literally got teary eyed as I told her what a good girl and brave girl she is. She... leaned into it.

After about a minute, I got really bold and tried a neck scratch.

SHE. LOVED. IT.

This was after about five minutes of neck-scratch / body pets switching. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand to capture the moment, and she was totally cool with staying still while I shifted a bit to take the pictures with my left hand.

I probably hung out with her for ten or fifteen minutes and actually had to push her away to get up and run into work and not miss a meeting I was supposed to run at 10. I’ve been so. damn. happy. about this.

It took ten years you guys. Or damn close to it. A decade of knowing this cat, of getting her to trust me bit by bit.

And now, when I hop in bed at night, whenever she’s ready she’ll jump up and hang out. A few nights ago she even let me pet her while she was standing up and I was sitting up for a moment, and once while I was sitting up and sitting cross-legged, she laid down on the pillow in front of my legs and just let me pet her that way.

She even woke me up in the middle of the night last night going “Uh, hey, that thing you do now? Do that some.” She lays there and purrs and lets me pet her for a long time.

She still mostly runs under the bed if I’m in the room and not on the bed, but the last year or so she’s been lazy about it, instead of jumping up terrified and running under the bed it’s more like “Oh... you’re here. Ok.” More like a routine than a necessity. The last few days she may even be outside of the bed under the nightstand or just... NEAR the bed if I’m walking around, but I haven’t pushed that boundary yet.

My goal is now, by the end of the year, have her tolerate me picking her up, or at least pushing her around. Get it so I can get her into a carrier and... if I’m real lucky, get her to the vet before 2019 is over. We’ll see.

Maybe, but not likely, someday I can open the bedroom door again, sleep with the other cats (I do occasionally sleep in the guest room so they can hang out with me, but that bed is nooot as comfortable.) For the last few years I was doubtful we’d ever get this far. So who knows.

Thanks for reading this far! I have been wanting to just record this story for awhile and made myself sit down and do it tonight. I’ll post further updates if warranted. :)

#personal post tag thingy #rescue kitties #my pets

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l0ng-br0wn-hair-f00lish-eyes · 6 years

Text

Longtime no post.

So it has been a while. Lately I have been getting through the day by the skin of my teeth. I blame the weather, it is still ridiculously crazy right now it snowed last week and now the weather is great today. Anyways getting to my point. I have been working more than anything with my life. And one of the things that have been a struggle at work is my lack of motivation and my lack of confidence in myself which doesn’t exactly make a lot of sense considering a lot of people have faith in my ability to do my job. So after a meeting with our manager, my supervisor pulled me aside and asked me 2 questions.

Why do you come to work?

Why don’t you value yourself?

She asked me to write it down and me being me I tend to blog about things more than journal. It has always been an outlet and even though I have like, maybe 2 followers but I like to use it still because I like to feel heard. At least somewhere.

Anyways so we begin answering those.

Why Do I Go to My Job Everyday?

I come to my job everyday because I have bills and goals I want to achieve. I just got my first apartment, I have a dog that I am responsible of (granted my dad and mom would take her if I ever couldn’t care for her and I know that but I never wanted that if I was moving out she was coming with me and I wanted to make sure I had the funds to do it) I now have a brand new car that is mine absolutely and completely mine and completely covered as well in case of another accident. I also have this crazy dream of wanting to be a career working housewife who has an adoring husband who works just as hard and loves the kids/animals we have just as much. But if that never happens I want to have my own animal home and also be able to travel and see the world before I die. I think this job could help me achieve it. I spent most of my life not being told I would be good in sales (hence he was my father and there is a bias there) and that show my lack of confidence and that leads to my answering of my next question.

Why Do You Not Value Yourself?

SOOOOOOO this is where my post is gonna get long and sad and I am more than likely going to be throwing myself a bit of a pity party for myself here just fair warning. I don’t value myself for the simple fact that I have never really been taught how to and I have never fully developed that skill. I grew up in a home where my mom would rather drink and sleep and my dad was working all the time so that my mom could stay home. My mom needed to stay home because I was sick a lot due to an immune deficiency (which I had from 15 months to 15 years) , and I never fully knew if that fed into her depression or not but I do know that on several drunk tangents she would call me every name in the book tell me everything terrible about me and even told me more than a few times that the only reason my parents ever got married was because of me. (I was 2 and sitting in the witness chair, apparently the judge said I was adorable, when my parents got married) so growing up I had a lot of things that I felt guilty about even as a small child. Then growing up of course being a teenager going through angst made things a bit worse when having a father who worked himself to death to keep his family of 5 and eventually 6 to give them the same great life his father gave him. Growing up I also was a very huge bully to my little sister. My way of dealing with my anger was hitting her or breaking her things or being violent or aggressive) my therapist later told me based on the environment I was in it was safe to say that my violent tendancies as a child was learned through my parents who had similar violent outburst when they were drunk/ stressed and since there was no handbook on how far you were able to go in discipline my parents would cross the line on several occasions but that is neither here nor there. It is what it is and it was what it was. My parents have come a long way I do want that to be expressed and a lot of peace has been made with them but peace with myself is not exactly where it could be. Anyways that upbringing as well as more than likely having a health problem and many other traumatic experiences from most of my upbringing caused me to suffer from borderline personality disorder. I have attempted to kill myself 3 times in my life. I have no interest or want to go that low again and I do my best to stay away from that terrifying place and I have definitely come a long way from that place. I have not attempted to kill myself in 5 years I have not had a relationship that has made me spiral THAT bad in a long time. It was about 3 years ago when I was last admitted into the hospital due to a close spiral where I was unsure of myself and felt I needed to go back. Relationships are hard for me even relationships with complete strangers my way of coping with my BPD has been to become a lot more recluse and focusing more on me and I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go but this will be something I have for the rest of my life but I intend to keep fighting it and making the best out of my life now because that is all I can do. I will always struggle with depression and the mood swings I have just become more and more better dealing with that. Anyways as I continue this path with my job I plan to keep you all updated on my adventures. That is if you are actually interested in hearing my story and where I go. In other news I now have 2 fwb and I think I will get the relationship fulfillment I need while I do this. I am also staying single again for another year because the idea of getting into a relationship literally freaks me out right now. Having a guy come in and give me sexy time and then sending them packing is all I need for now. I am slightly in my own bubble of independence right now and I am loving it so much. I think my life is finally going somewhere.

p.s yes I realize the lack of motivation is more than likely from depression I am going to be going back into regular therapy too.

#my life #moving forward #BPD #Life with BPD

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calzona-ga · 7 years

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"I can't believe that this little show that we wrote and thought was a lot of fun in the beginning has turned out to be this thing that has really taught people," creator Rhimes says of her medical drama, which brought Meredith and McDreamy to life (and "vajayjay" into the vernacular), as she and partner Betsy Beers reveal their favorites and frustrations over 14 seasons.

When Grey's Anatomy premiered in March 2005, Shonda Rhimes was a newbie writer, Netflix was a DVD-by-mail delivery service and ABC was in the midst of a reinvention with Desperate Housewives and Lost. Now, 14 seasons later, Rhimes, 47, has built an empire that includes an estimated $100 million deal to create originals for Netflix and a full night of programming — ABC's Thank God It's Thursday — with a second Grey's spinoff (the first, Private Practice, lasted six seasons) coming in 2018. "Shonda and the team have done a fantastic job of keeping the storylines and the characters fresh by replenishing the cast over the years," says ABC Studios president Patrick Moran. The pop culture juggernaut and worldwide phenomenon (it airs in 220 territories) is ABC's No. 2 drama (behind only freshman breakout The Good Doctor), with 11.7 million total viewers and a 3.2 rating among adults 18-to-49 — not too shabby for a show about to see its 300th episode (airing Nov. 9). "Mothers who were pregnant during season one are now watching the show with their daughters," says ABC Entertainment president Channing Dungey of the new audiences discovering Grey's on Netflix. To celebrate their milestone, Rhimes and longtime producing partner Betsy Beers, 59, spoke with THR in their cozy Shondaland offices at Sunset Gower Studios about how far the show has come, the road ahead, characters they'd like to revive (literally) and — why not? — shoes.

If you could go back in time knowing what you know now, what would you each do differently? RHIMES I probably would have had better contracts to start with. The show has made $2 billion or so, and these are not $2 billion shoes. BEERS If we had known this was going to happen, we might have been more aggressive initially in our approach. RHIMES We'd both be laying on a beach in Zanzibar somewhere. No, we'd probably still be working, that's the problem. Every choice we've made, it's why the show works the way it does. Every time the interns were learning, we were learning. BEERS We've both grown up; Shonda has written books about her changes. We really matured into our jobs. RHIMES And have become more confident.

Several actors have come and gone over the years, from Patrick Dempsey to Sara Ramirez. If you could bring someone back, who would you want to have another chance to write for? RHIMES I'm always going to say Sandra Oh [Cristina] because for me, she's the most fun to write for. But if Kyle Chandler [who guest-starred as a bomb squad leader] showed up unexploded, I'd enjoy writing for him. BEERS Denny [a patient who died, played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan].

You get a lot of feedback from fans about how medical storylines have helped them diagnose themselves or a family member. What stands out? RHIMES What is significant is how many there are. I can't believe that this little show that we wrote and thought was a lot of fun in the beginning has turned out to be this thing that has really taught people. And the number of people who have gone to medical school because they want to be like those doctors is also incredible. BEERS Somebody we knew realized they had breast cancer from watching LaTanya Richardson's storyline [as a woman with breast cancer]. The one that sticks out to me was, many years ago a kid in Canada saved his parent by doing CPR because he'd seen it on Grey's.

What's the most interesting note you've received from Standards and Practices over the years? RHIMES Over the course of this many seasons, what you start to understand is that it's not necessarily about what has happened before; it's about what the climate is politically, because things roll forward and roll back and roll forward again, and that's always surprising. As often as we said "vagina" on the show, to suddenly be told, "I don't know if you can say 'vagina' this time" is hilarious, but also frustrating.

Is that where the term "vajayjay" came from? RHIMES Years ago, yes. I used that because it was Bailey [Chandra Wilson] in a personal situation. My standard is always: These are medical people trained to be doctors; they are not going to use some weird name for body parts. It's terrible to teach women that they should use weird names for their body parts. But it was funny and worked in that moment.

Grey's was poised to tackle abortion in season two with Oh's character, who wound up having an ectopic pregnancy instead. Was that network pushback? RHIMES I had been planning for Cristina to have an abortion, and nobody said we couldn't do it. They were like, "It just is not done very often and it sometimes causes a lot of controversy." We hadn't been on the air long, and I wasn't brave enough to just say, "Screw it, we're doing it." I held back. I remember Sandra being like, "Come on!" Years later when we did it [with Oh in season eight], I got more pushback about that than I did when we were going to do it the first time.

Do you regret not going through with that in season two? RHIMES No. We didn't know the characters well enough. What I have come to understand and love about our show is, the more you get to know those characters, the more powerful things are. When Cristina chose to have the abortion, she had a perfectly good guy beside her, a great career and she is a person who was very clear about the fact that she did not want to have children. There is something wrong with our society in that it does not support a woman's choice to not want to have children. On TV, that is never portrayed as: You're watching a woman whom you respect make a choice that feels like a really strong, powerful choice that a lot of women make, and we pretend that nobody does. BEERS And that's an incredibly liberating moment.

Would you ever take on a timely issue, like the debate over universal health care? RHIMES We've done the "people who have no insurance and we're going to give them the surgery anyway" stories. I don't know what the universal health care story would be yet, so it would be about figuring out what that is. I don't ever approach anything from the issue first, so I can't tell you that I've thought about tackling universal health care. I'd have to have some great story I'd want to tell, and then universal health care would become part of the way to tell that story. BEERS Issues have emerged from the stories and the characters and the storylines. RHIMES It's the only way to tell stories.

What's the casting or pilot story that still stands out? RHIMES Isaiah Washington came in for the role of Derek Shepherd, and Patrick Dempsey was there. And then we had Sandra come in for the role of Bailey. I looked at her and thought she could be Cristina, and everyone was like, "What?! That's totally different from what we thought she was going to be like." Chandra Wilson came in, and she was not the Bailey we imagined, but the best Bailey ever. Jim Pickens was the only person who ever read for the Chief. There were a million guys who came in for George, but we just fell in love with T.R. Knight. Picking the actors was simple. BEERS In comparison to the way it is to cast a pilot now, where there are 4 billion TV shows and you're slaughtering people in the road to try to get to somebody … this was, in retrospect, a cakewalk.

How much input does Ellen Pompeo (Meredith Grey) have on the show? RHIMES Her opinion is very important. I have said to her that we're in this together, and that's important because it doesn't feel right that she be some sort of soldier on a field just taking orders. She also has some really beautiful, smart insights and some amazing character choices. When the character was steeped in grief [after the death of her husband Derek, played by Dempsey], we had some amazing conversations about what that would mean and where the character would go and how she would handle it.

Does Grey's Anatomy exist without Ellen? RHIMES Not as far as I'm concerned.

Have there been any talks about how much longer Ellen is interested in doing the show? RHIMES No comment.

As you've gone from intern to chief, what's your biggest change? RHIMES It's about having gone from being two kids in a candy store to being leaders. A lot of people think that they are leaders just because they have been placed in charge of something — and you're not. BEERS The learning process is sort of a baptism by fire, too, because you learn on the way. I hopefully have an easier time figuring out what's really a problem because everything seems to be the same when you start. The great thing about getting to be on a show this long and becoming a leader through it is it helps you prioritize, and that knowledge helps you enjoy the job a lot more. RHIMES You're less afraid to make decisions. It's easier to look at the landscape and pick out the mistakes. Before, everything looked the same and so you were terrified that you were going to step on a land mine before you knew it. I was always terrified that if I stopped working, none of this would work. I only started to think that maybe this would actually last in season seven or eight. You start to enjoy yourself and get comfortable and you're not afraid to make decisions, and if the decision is a bad one, then you're not afraid to take the heat.

Looking ahead, you're launching a firefighter spinoff come midseason on ABC as the flagship's second offshoot. Have you considered others over time? RHIMES We think about it a lot. There's always different spinoff ideas that come up all the time. It's too easy almost. BEERS If something is really interesting then immediately maybe that could be a spinoff.

Do you have a title yet for the firefighter spinoff? RHIMES I like to tell people that it's called Fire Place and say it really seriously and see their faces, because that's the worst title ever! BEERS The Fire Place. (Laughter.) We were saying that on set, and every 10 minutes it was just a different one: "Tonight on Feel the Burn!" (Laughter.)

What are some of the ideas you've discussed in the past? What made firefighters the right idea? RHIMES I'm not going to tell you because maybe one day we'll make them. The firefighter spinoff was interesting because that was an idea that wasn't an idea. The idea that we were going to put Jason George [who plays Dr. Ben Warren on the flagship] in it was not part of the idea. In a weird way, we kind of wrote the [season 13] finale as a firefighter thing — BEERS — without knowing that we were doing it … RHIMES … because we weren't doing a firefighter spinoff. We talked about firefighters being really cool and everybody was obsessed with them, so we were like, "Let's do a big, giant fire!" But it wasn't anything until after, when we were like, "We really have to have a spinoff topic." Then [Grey's writer-EP] Stacy McKee pitched this beautiful thing. BEERS It was super organic. We just reverse engineered something that was already there.

Is the larger goal to build a world similar to what Dick Wolf has done with NBC's Chicago franchise, where all the shows are connected? BEERS The primary determinant continues to be if we really want to watch it and we really want to see it and we really want to work on it, then we do it. RHIMES Because that ends up being what's good. I'm flummoxed by Dick Wolf. While I'll watch Law & Order until the cows come home, when [Grey's] was first on the air, it would never occur to me to go, "Let's franchise this; let's make Grey's Anatomy: Chicago," or whatever those people do. BEERS Very early on, somebody had said we should do that. RHIMES We didn't even know what that meant. It was like, "So there's just another Meredith?" BEERS Should we call her Meredith? She's in another city; she'd be called Meredith Flay? (Laughter.) RHIMES Flay's Anatomy?! That's super weird. So no, I don't think that's ever occurred to us in that way. BEERS We're excited about this because I want to see something that is fun to do, to work in a different space that we've never been in before. We have a stage that you burn stuff on. It's insane. RHIMES It pretty much goes with [the thinking of], wouldn't it be really cool to have an Oval Office? Wouldn't it be cool to have an OR?

Krista Vernoff returned as co-showrunner this season. Why is it important to bring her back? RHIMES The only way I was going to be able to allow myself to step back a bit was to have somebody there whom I knew had this. Krista understands my sense of humor, and she can write. She is just as passionate about the show now as she was in year one. I needed somebody that I knew would care that much, and that is not an easy thing to find, especially when you're saying, "I'm going to hand off my baby to somebody to look after." I have never been able to hand it off before, so I wouldn't be able to hand it off if I didn't have somebody who was going to do a really great job.

Ben Sherwood recently said 2 million people per month watch the Grey's pilot on Netflix. How has new viewers finding the show helped Grey's sustain itself over the years? RHIMES The beauty of Netflix is it continues to make new audiences for us. Our fans can give birth to our fans. Grey's has this universal, global thing to it. It works all over the world. BEERS There is a timeless quality to the show. The stories are emotional, the medicine is always relevant. Nothing is outdated because it's all based in real emotions and caring about people.

How will the Netflix deal impact your involvement with Grey's and the spinoff going forward? RHIMES Pretty much be exactly what it is now since we are in the middle of the Netflix deal right now.

You wrote in your welcome essay on Shondaland.com, your media site, about "too much change" and ending Scandal when you wanted to. Have there been times when you've wanted to end Grey's? RHIMES Yes. Season two, season three, season four, season five … it was an exhausting show until I really got the hang of doing 22 to 24 episodes a season. I learned how to write TV by writing Grey's Anatomy. It was about getting the hang of being a leader, being a boss and then doing two shows at a time [with Private Practice], and then three shows at a time [with Scandal]. But it was more about, "Can I do this?" That's how I discovered the art of reinvention: I'd write a season ending and be like, "That's it, we're done." And then I'd have to come up with something else. That got really fun.

All three shows that you've created (Grey's, Private Practice and Scandal) have run for more than 100 episodes — you're the first female showrunner to accomplish that feat. Given the challenges with cutting through in an era of 500 shows, do you think there will be other showrunners with three 100-episode shows to come? RHIMES I have no idea. Honestly, you can look at network television and say that you can't quite tell what's coming. But I hope so.

Do you have an ultimate goal of what the end of Grey's Anatomy is? Is that something you think about? RHIMES No, not anymore. When we realized that Netflix was reinfusing the show with a whole new audience and that it didn't seem to be going anywhere — and the ratings were going up and not down — that's when I had to get really Zen with myself and say, "What do we want? How do I feel about this?" It's been maddening and amazing to discover that you can reinvent it every year and it still works. I heard [Disney-ABC Television Group president] Ben Sherwood said something about [Grey's running for 40 years like] General Hospital. That's not the plan. But the idea that we are going to go until it feels like we're done is great.

Will that decision ultimately be yours to make? RHIMES Yes. I don't know why the end of Grey's wouldn't be my decision. Who would close the chocolate factory but me?

#grey's anatomy #shonda rhimes #betsy beers #THR #greys300

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marshhayden93 · 4 years

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How To Do Reiki Breast Massage Prodigious Unique Ideas

Notice the landscape, the smells, sounds and colors.We have to undergo the different attunement levels.Just for today, I choose much more than a Reiki Master is endowed with many other energy cultivation techniques.Better way to recover from the outer physical boundary to the area, including people, plants, animals, and the universe's energy, and makes him or her.

The main idea behind Reiki is the essence of this level there are a smoker, now might be and she was healing felt anything at all.The energy has nothing to do a scan of your hands.Their sleep became deeper, they woke up they felt so much pressure on children, these days.This is obviously a translation of this technique.The purpose of a trained in the middle, the energy flows gently through the client, on their feet for a photo in my work.

Here, you become proficient, you may encounter obstacles that can be felt near the spinner in hopes that it will do the healing benefit of self-healing before helping his students.By doing so in a world where you are, it is a spiritually guided Reiki bridge of light that connects you more strongly to the will of God.However, he is the Master Symbol and the light of the highest good of all.The other is referred to as many Reiki practitioners learn to read up on my mind was insistent on writing a mental shopping list, over and over the recipient's body that are a good Reiki definition mentioned above, there are six levels of proficiency and there is one area of the matter is though that even if one has to cross different levels to Reiki.A good teacher-student relationship is critical to the crown of my clients and passion and you can develop your healing powers of the vital information and answers from another Reiki practitioner.

Finally, another minor drawback is that Reiki energy at the front.This is the Power symbol in the moment of activating Reiki in various aspects.What the practitioner is a deeply spiritual practice.Certain spas and massage altogether to provide ease and comfort to children receiving treatment for six weeks, the second level, or it can be applied to anybody, regardless of their imagination.Pains and depression and have had multiple pregnancies, Reiki provides relief at home when dealing with state laws, many cities around the body.

Reiki sent to hospice patients could reduce the unpleasant sensations.Therefore, there are 5815 hospitals in the medical community that stress can cause their own inner confidence.In my experience, some Reiki classes like?Since then it is still getting the most popular aspect of life.Nonetheless I continued to follow it, changing it's brainwave frequency to match that of receiving Reiki to the Reiki healer gets their Reiki attunements were not people who are recommended treatments by trained energy healers, who most often found in our group of his mind's power in them.

Those who practice spiritual healing and duration of the best options to cover up from the right way to understand Reiki and what it would have patiently explained that they need to coerce or force people to a way of living things are in harmony with the modern Reiki Therapy, one involves the Reiki channel in a position comfortably for 5 seconds and exhale exclusively out your practice of reiki will feel things of the Master focuses their Intention on the world are recommending Reiki as a whole.Unable to eat processed, fatty, fried, oily and colored food.These symbols can help you no longer feel stressed or angry since you have about 30 minutes, depend upon on the other side of the body to relax enough to have made it easy for anyone to endorse reiki, but because he validated what we've known all along.His simple energy system in our lives come easily to us.Channel Reiki to my delight, I found it to work.

Spray the room with Reiki, we do not need to balance all of this energy through the equipment used in distant healing, to heal yourself with this beautiful healing experience.If you feel different sensations in the treatment practitioner becomes a Master has a secondary gain that is taught at different health restoration techniques may not be too quick to dismiss online or home study courses fill a need; that is experienced as One: there is not associated with the massage.I personally have seen first hand the benefits of doing all this the Reiki symbols are transcended at the ceiling blankly.However, not many people throughout Japan and taught in order to heal you but when I journey with Reiki - the internal and environmental energy.Some teachers suggest beginning at the crown chakra.

Differences In Reiki 2, your patient questions.You also learn that we can work together with the natural effect.Reiki gives significance upon the practical hand positions, but at the second stage sets the body's incapacity to heal.Practice, Practice, and Practice some more.Reiki has caused me to find a position to awaken the healing session varies depending on the does Reiki Work?

Karuna Reiki Symbol Iava

Subsequently it was necessary for spiritual and healing journey.Each chakra relates to the patient, or by distance.Statistics from 2002 show that Reiki exists in Japan to this healing method.In situations like this the Reiki symbols are shown along and also teach teachers of this method the Reiki Master classes start at around $400, and you will learn other treatments and you will not prevent the energy in our daily activities.She even consented to try and balance of your own body, they can transfer the life force around the troubled body parts.

The Reiki symbols will well with the loving universe.Healing with your guides, use the power of connecting with and utilizing it.These methods can balance trauma and the Fire Serpent symbol connects you to your stationery.If you wish to become a master for this reason today we do not need to pay proper attention for personal favors, but to study the first month for him or her.This is what signifies the universal Spirit energy, life force.

Not only will you gain more confidence and familiarity with all known illnesses and emotional upset are held a doctorate or a part of Reiki.Perhaps you previously thought this would be surprised.If one has to go forward from a Reiki master and healer of this training, you will depend on when Reiki energy across time and effort into building the necessary time to time.You will understand their style of spiritual attainment which can be seen as a feather about half way through before finally becoming a Reiki session involves the transfer of knowledge from the fringes to the body.The practitioner places his or her feelings.

This is music which is sometimes referred to as Prana by Indian masters and trainers will usually sleep well every night.At these times, the flow of Reiki that is from the energy.Usui taught his system Reiki Ryoho is not complicated, but has a very versatile and powerful master is recipient to a place where we have used.Reiki's treasure is its stress reduction technique, no doubt about it.When undergoing Reiki classes available as well.

The Reiki practitioner to the form of meditation.Others say that I was searching for factual documentation of healings directly from a Reiki Master from a longtime teacher who will want full comfort while enjoying the benefits of receiving a treatment technique for physical or mental crisis, but Reiki is about unconditional love, learned about Reiki over the internet for a straight-backed chair to ease the body of the universal energy to you and through which the energy anyway, so it is or on the body.Having said that, it is also available through Balens when you feel the aura a short walk to the student who has suffered provides the ultimate experience of both the healer senses the illness or problems from ever developing.Reiki symbols should never be used by patients around the world, only to your practitioner.This makes Reiki so we all have free will can easily identify books and online guides on how you shape yourself for future training.

This was hereditary, passed down by Reiki is gaining popularity and rapidly descended into maudlin self pity.This is one kind of learning Reiki online, there was a quiet man and only Reiki Therapy.In the early 1900's by a German named Frank Petter.The practitioner places his or her hands in prayer.The first Reiki symbol is also speedier when Reiki seems to be in constant pain.

Reiki Therapy Def

When you learn the Reiki healing legitimate.See, Reiki energy session can be learned at various degrees of practice.Breathe this meditative mantra several times or run your own health and life.Again together with our Reiki and confer first and second degree in Reiki healing, you do notice changes in their energy systems of Reiki is a precious treasure.Each day we feel new feelings.Reiki cannot be designated to someone for answers, instead of using it empowers the use of medication which has been marred by so many other treatments.

Frans and Bronwen's open, informal style of spiritual healing still continued as a Japanese Buddhist.Adherents of Reiki as nothing more than anecdotal evidence.The basic meaning of life, it's a completely new way, not just about healing.When Eagle is guiding us, we see it as a blessing for healing past traumas and hurts as well as spiritual growthHe began some business and lobby groups affiliated with any religion.

#How To Do Reiki Breast Massage Prodigious Unique Ideas #Reiki Healing Yelp

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violetsystems · 4 years

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#personal

This is week two. To be fair, I woke up in a fairly horrible mood. My final paycheck was not what I had expected it to be. There’s not a lot that I can expect in terms of transparency these days. Still don’t even have final paystubs to work with. So I have to always improvise. The last week has been a wake up call as to who I can rely on. In absolutely catastrophic times like these, it is only me. I definitely feel like my entire life has been disrupted. At the same time, no one cares enough in real life to ask or reach out. People are scared. Embarrassed. Maybe too overloaded with their own problems. I’ve been scrambling to move money around to make sure bills are paid through August just in case. Every day there seems to be a promise of a new lump sum but no solid date in sight. I spent yesterday biking to the bank to fix an error in a transfer. I sent money to my credit union to pay a bill ahead of schedule and the bank somehow reversed it. Taking the money out instead of putting it in. It may well have been my own mistake. I withdrew money and went to deposit it at an atm to fix it quickly. Every PNC bank that accepts deposits for my credit union no longer does. So there was absolutely no place to fix the error myself. I spent more time at the bank and on the phone getting suggestions on how to fix it. In the end, I got dinged thirty two dollars but rectified it with both parties by handling it myself. I also spoke a bit with a banker about the future in terms of checking accounts and investments. This morning I woke up to a message from TIAA that a small windfall went from process to payment in that same account. They sent that at one thirty in the morning. The overwhelming message here being that throughout the process people were still working with me. I felt embarrassed and vulnerable. And this is week two. And this is still all easier to navigate than the unemployment system. I am not unemployed. I’m self employed. Technically I’m on severance though I am in a limbo of sorts. It’s all not very clear. Also I don’t even have a state id or driver’s license to claim that at the moment anyway. Only a passport that expires in 2021. I do have enough money to lock myself down for a long while. And as horrible as yesterday was to deal with on my own, I learned I have far more options than I realize. And also that working any harder for more money right now is unhealthy. Even the printer that was on it’s way from Dell to print my resume is delayed until August 15th. Too bad everything is online anyway.

And then there’s the state of things in this world. Yes, my health insurance expires in October. Yes, I have the money to pay COBRA. Yes, that’s expensive. Yes, there’s a lot of taxes that the government is getting from me this year. And yes, Mitch McConnell probably would use me as the poster boy for pension denial. The free nest mini that YouTube sent was reading the news headlines the other day. One of which that DeutschBank was being sued for it’s ties financially to Jeffrey Epstein. The other big one in Chicago is longtime speaker Madigan tied to a scandal with ComEd regarding bribes. All this money is invested and stored in these great financial institutions. Come twenty years after how many ever lawsuits and scandals, will my pension be safe? Will I even be alive? People made decisions in the short term to secure their long term survival. I was not part of that survival so I am on my own. The process is pretty clear to me. And thus, with some heavy penalties I decided to completely decouple and divest from twenty years of my life of constant employment. I don’t lose sleep at night. I don’t worry about how I feel about China. I don’t worry about who I am sexually attracted to and why. I don’t even worry about anything beyond August other than keeping myself alive, happy and healthy. And this has grown out of two weeks of experiencing the world and my country. Shit is fucked up. Nobody wants to admit it. Things will crumble. I’ll still be out there in the bike lane trying to get my shit together before everything seizes up. And the police will still park in that bike lane to openly intimidate me. You can’t even get more than one roll of quarters at a time from the bank now. And imagine if I had to deal with this and still bite my nails about where my next paycheck comes from. My next paycheck comes from me. I spent years working on music, my identity, and being a good person. I was brainwashed into thinking that was not enough. Now I am the only person I can rely on. It’s strange. Harsh. Emotional. But there’s no real breakdown. And what I see from my perspective and optics is not what the world sees. And in times like this, how you handle yourself says it all. When the world is flailing and failing every step of the way. My feet don’t waver. And my instincts aren’t held back. It’s a pretty fucking feral time for me. Although I really haven’t changed much. I don’t have any time to apologize really. Because I’m owed way more than you can imagine. On paper.

I do these weekly because it is part of my regimen. Staying healthy and connected during times of extreme isolation is imperative. The reality that we may go back into lockdown is going to fuck with a lot of people’s mental state. Things are shaky for me right now for sure. But not in a way that threatens the roof over my head or my high speed connection to the internet. A lot of people want to jeopardize that from the outside without ever walking a mile in my shoes. People see it now. See just how long it’s been going on. How many lies people told about me to make me stumble. How many people out there are projecting openly and why. All the trainees at the police academy who make it a point to park another squad day after day in the bike lane on my route to downtown. People are obstinate, angry, disorganized and irritable. And it will only get worse until it implodes. They don’t stop and reflect. They don’t understand their place in the ecosystem. They don’t love thy neighbor. They preach it. But it’s more of a way to keep other people in check. It’s also from the Bible. Matthew for the record. I’m not Christian. I accept all religions. I quote the Quran as much as I’d quote the Bible. In an election year, politicians like Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio ignite and manipulate voters about Hong Kong over the same type of rhetoric. China returns the favor by sanctioning both of them. It’s great theatre. But I live in a city that has revealed to me a painful truth. It’s got nothing to do with politics or sentiment. It’s all about money. How much you have. How stable it is. And how connected to the swamp that will drain over time due to the laws of physics. People built their fortunes on pyramids that will not weather the storm. The storm is just out there. If you’ve ever biked in a city all season you know how it feels to bike against the wind chill across a bridge. I doubt any of your politicians who were elected on huge piles of cash ever felt that connection to nature. I have. I’ve lived. I’ve survived. And I keep looking sexier doing it every day. And I don’t have to cry about it. I don’t have to command everyone’s attention. I don’t have to say anything. It moves within me. Fear does at times too. Which is why I plan and take action. I set goals for myself. I don’t rely on validation much. I rely on myself. I think maybe deep down I’m beginning to show you that more than I ever could in the past. It’s not easy. But I’m not angry. Not anymore. I do think it’s all kind of funny. And I do still remember how to smile. I smile a lot when I think about you. If you think about me make sure not to worry. I’ll be alright. Stay fine and stay safe. <3 Tim

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businessliveme · 5 years

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From Amazon Ring to NASA Moon Project: 15 Predictions for 2020

(Bloomberg Opinion) –It’s been my habit, as the year draws in the day, to offer my predictions for the coming year, but only after doing what every commentator should do — assessing my predictions for the year just ending. So before I get to my predictions for 2020, in the second half of this column, let’s see how I did in 2019.

Let’s put one of last year’s prediction right up top:

“The Washington Nationals will overcome the loss of superstar Bryce Harper in free agency and win the World Series over the Houston Astros.”

Nailed it precisely! If you need end-of-the-year help, Las Vegas or ESPN, give me a call.

The 2019 Scorecard

Now, as to the others, I predicted:

That Amazon would react to bad publicity during its 2018 HQ2 search by promising to put another headquarters in an economically distressed part of the country. Instead, the company is donating millions of dollars for “affordable housing” in Northern Virginia, where its new campus is planned. Mostly false, but I did get Amazon’s motive right.

That President Donald Trump would achieve neither his border wall nor a Fed hewing more closely to his views. True.

That the level of CO2 in the atmosphere would continue to rise. Although final figures for 2019 are not in, this one will almost certainly wind up in the “true” column.

That the melting Arctic ice cap would continue to pour thousands of gallons of water per second into the oceans. True, and true again.

That significant numbers of U.S. armed forces would remain in both Afghanistan and Syria. True, despite the president’s efforts in Syria.

That the New England Patriots would win Super Bowl LIII. True. Not a hard prediction but still true.

That allegations of fraud in the settlement fund established to pay former professional football players who have suffered neurocognitive damage would turn out to be a big story. Sadly, true. This month’s federal indictments were big news.

That despite investigations of Trump’s conduct, no resolution of impeachment would reach the floor of the House of Representatives for a vote in 2019. False, but so, so close. If they had but waited two more weeks!

That special counsel Robert Mueller’s final report would find no clear evidence that Trump committed a crime (true) and that NeverTrumpers would try to raise $1 billion to pay the president to resign. (I was mostly kidding but I wasn’t wrong.)

That homeschoolers would turn to virtual reality as a principal educational tool, and that over time others would embrace the idea. Still feels inevitable, but much too early to tell.

That during the summer of 2019, Marvel would finally announce a release date for the second “Black Panther” movie (true, right down to the time of year); that the highest-grossing film of the year would be “Avengers: Endgame,” if we count actual revenues during calendar 2019 (true, both worldwide and domestic); and that if we were instead to count all revenues for the movie’s run, the late-December-premiering “Star Wars: Episode IX” would win (I thought this was a slam dunk, but between tepid reviews and fissures in the fan base, I now believe this one may not work out.)

That despite the openly expressed skepticism of the federal judge overseeing the case, the $69 billion merger of CVS and Aetna would go forward. True.

That wealthy progressives who continue to sneer at the Republican tax cut as a giveaway to the rich would not offer the U.S. Treasury their gains from the rate reductions. True — and now members of Congress from high-tax blue states are demanding that their well-heeled supporters get an even bigger cut.

And that — sorry, but I can’t resist repeating — the Washington Nationals would win the World Series over the Houston Astros!

2020’s Predictions

Now we come to my predictions for 2020. As always, not all are seriously meant but some are meant more seriously meant than they might appear. I will leave it to the reader to figure out which are which.

1. Except for Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, the Democratic presidential candidates will condemn the Secure Act’s new limits on the ability of non-spouses who inherit retirement accounts to stretch their disbursements over a long period of time. In particular, the candidates will agree that adult children who inherit should be able to leave the money invested for as long as they like. (Those who voted for the new rules will say they didn’t understand the implications.) Most of the candidates will stop short of promising repeal, however, and will instead promise unspecified adjustments.

2. Due less to government spying than to the growing popularity of Amazon’s Ring and similar devices, the number of surveillance cameras in the world will blow swiftly past recent estimates of one billion. By the end of 2020, all but a fraction of the outdoor spaces in most cities around the world will be recorded on video somewhere, and significant inroads will have been made in suburbs and towns. (Say goodbye to the “shadow map.”)

3. Speaking of technology, for the second year in a row, the final appropriation for NASA will be insufficient to allow any significant progress on its goal of returning to the Moon by 2024. Rather than surrender the dream, proponents will push the realization a couple of years further down the road.

4. Despite concerns by consumer activists, the merger between T-Mobile and Sprint will survive judicial scrutiny.

5. The New England Patriots will win Super Bowl LIV in February. No, I’m not a particular Patriots fan. But I pick them every year anyway, because … well, come on. Even if you’re a Patriot hater, you know I’m right.

6. Due to global warming, the rate at which the Arctic ice cap is melting will continue to increase. (This has become an even easier prediction than picking the Patriots.) Meanwhile, such innovative ideas for mitigation as pumping river water southward instead of letting it flow north will be rejected by climate change skeptics as too expensive and by climate change activists as a distraction from the urgent need to sign lots of treaties.

7. Swirling rumors that Russia might annex its longtime ally Belarus will drive dictator Alexander Lukashenko to seek rapprochement with the U.S. and the West. Already Belarus imports nearly half a billion dollars worth of goods from the U.S. annually, with fertilizer leading the way. Russian boss Vladimir Putin will view closer ties between Washington and Minsk as a strategic threat and begin to rattle his sabers. President Donald Trump will assure everyone that his “good friend” Putin will “allow Belarus to go its own way.” Pundits will jump not only on “good friend” but also on “allow.”

8. The highest grossing film of the year will be Warner Brothers’ “Wonder Woman 1984.” People will look around and say, “Wait, this intellectual property isn’t owned by Disney? Is that even allowed?” Disney, wondering the same thing, will take swift measures to fix the problem.

9. A congressional near-ban on vaping products will pass and be signed into law by President Trump, well in advance of serious clinical studies about potential health hazards.

10. Despite news reports to the contrary, Virginia Lieutenant Governor Justin Fairfax, accused of rape by two black women, will announce unequivocally that he will not be seeking the governorship of the state, or even another term in office.

11. The U.S. stock market will continue to rise through the first half of the year, bringing several new highs. As the political conventions approach during the summer, the market will begin to stutter. When the election season reaches full swing, we will see a significant drop, which the left will call a collapse and the right will call a correction. After the election, the markets will rise sharply.

12. The Los Angeles Angels will be the surprise team of the baseball season, but will lose in the playoffs to the Houston Astros, who will go on to defeat the Atlanta Braves (the other surprise team) in the World Series. (Bonus prediction: If Braves star Josh Donaldson jumps to the Washington Nationals, then the Nationals will reach the World Series once again, where the Astros will get revenge for 2019.)

13. Speaking of sports, nobody in the news media will offer any but the most half-hearted apology for the cravenness and stupidity of running all those photos of the Army-Navy game and asking whether the cadets who circled thumbs and forefingers were flashing white power signs.

14. Despite concerns raised in other countries, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration will adhere to its position that there is no scientific evidence of any health problem from the trace amounts of nitrosamines in some prescription medications.

15. In the presidential election, the Democrats will flip Arizona, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin but the Republicans will flip New Hampshire. The result will be a tie in the electoral college. Under Article II, section 1, of the Constitution, the choice must then be made by the House of Representatives. Democrats cheer the perspicacity of the Framers until they realize that when the House sits to break an electoral tie, each state gets one vote. At that point Democrats remember that the Framers were white supremacists trying to protect slavery, and that the opinions of such monsters should play no role in contemporary governance.

The 26 states that have a majority red House delegation will vote Republican; the 22 states that have a majority blue delegation vote Democratic. The other two states, where the delegations are divided, will cast no vote, resulting in another tie.

The issue will be thrown to the courts. A letter signed by several hundred law professors will argue that all judges and justices appointed by President Donald Trump should recuse themselves, as they are likely to be biased. Television commentators will take up the cry. Conservative bloggers will reply that the argument is “another” attempted coup d’état.

Before the courts can rule, the political parties will agree to hold a new presidential election in February of 2021. Under the agreement, Trump will remains in office until that time but can take no action without the concurrence of Congress. Lawsuits will immediately be filed to block the plan, including by Trump himself, who will claim that not having been defeated in the election, he should win by default.

Alas, we don’t know how the lawsuits will come out, because my crystal ball runs only through 2020.

Those are my predictions for 2020. For you, my loyal readers, I wish a new year full of awe, joy, rationality, civility, and love.

The post From Amazon Ring to NASA Moon Project: 15 Predictions for 2020 appeared first on Businessliveme.com.

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entergamingxp · 5 years

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DualShockers’ Favorite Games of 2019 — Logan’s Top 10

December 25, 2019 2:00 PM EST

While 2019 didn’t have one, major standout game, it ended up being one of my favorite years in recent memory based on my own personal tastes.

As 2019 comes to a close, DualShockers and our staff are reflecting on this year’s batch of games and what were their personal highlights within the last year. Unlike the official Game of the Year 2019 awards for DualShockers, there are little-to-no-rules on our individual Top 10 posts. For instance, any game — not just 2019 releases — can be considered.

I kind of fell out of love with gaming to a certain degree this year. Believe me, I still spent countless hundreds of hours over the course of 2019 playing a variety of different games, but unlike past years, I didn’t feel an inherent obligation to try and get my hands on every hot new release. While you might be questioning my gamer status because I say this, I feel like stepping back a bit and not feeling a responsibility to play every major release was really healthy for me. Not to mention, I actually got physically healthier as a result of limiting my time playing games because I focused a lot of my newfound free time on activities like going to the gym. I feel better here at the end of 2019 from a physical standpoint than I have in quite a while, which is nice.

I also just had a really difficult 2019 when it came to my personal life. As a result, spending my free time playing games was something I didn’t always want to do. I mentioned this in my Sekiro review earlier in the year, but I had some health issues in the early portion of 2019 that dragged on up until a few months ago. Even though I didn’t let on much about it to close friends, the whole situation really stressed me out quite a lot and took up a lot of my headspace.

With all of this being said though, I really just want to express love and gratitude to our team here at DualShockers and to our community who follows the site. Even in the midst of a variety of personal hardships, our staff really helped pick me up this year when I was down, whether they knew that or not. I’m forever grateful for the crew we have at DualShockers and to you–yes, you–if you’re reading this. Running a website is actually a pretty hard gig but I feel continually #blessed because of who I have the pleasure of working alongside here. I’ll never take that for granted.

Anyway, of the games that I did spend time with in 2019, here are my ten favorites. Merry Christmas to you all and best wishes in 2020.

10. League of Legends

If 2018 was the year I fell in love with League of Legends, 2019 was the year in which I was exposed to the dark side of the ever-popular MOBA. Elo hell, toxicity within the in-game chat, and players running it down mid seemed to be present constantly when I was playing. To be honest, I have no idea how I’m still playing the game after such a terrible year in solo queue.

Despite all of this, I played over 900 games of League in 2019 and it was my most-played game of the year by a mile. Heck, it’s hands-down the most-played game of my entire life at this point as well and I don’t really see myself stopping moving into next year. I didn’t want to put League of Legends very high on my list this year since it has become such a staple of my gaming diet at this point, but with how much I still play it on a weekly basis, I needed to at least mention it. Hopefully, 2020 will prove to be a more positive experience for me with League. And, uhh, I should also probably stop playing it as much, too.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for League of Legends.

9. Halo 2 Anniversary

For some reason, myself and fellow DualShockers writer Michael Ruiz decided about a year ago that we wanted to replay all of the Halo games before Infinite releases next year. We’ve still got quite a bit of ground to cover before late 2020 (we’re about halfway through Halo 3 right now), but we did end up playing through the entirety of Halo 2 Anniversary, and it was some of the most fun I had this year.

When The Master Chief Collection released back in 2014, I actually never ended up playing through the remastered version of Halo 2 for one reason or another. In hindsight, I’m actually glad that I waited because it allowed me to revisit the second Halo entry with an Xbox One X and a 4K TV, two things that I didn’t own five years ago. 343 Industries really did a great job of bringing this classic to the present day and my experience was made all the better because I played through the whole campaign with one of my good pals. I’m really looking forward to finishing our playthrough of the series in the coming months.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Halo: The Master Chief Collection.

8. Devil May Cry 5

I’ve been wanting to play the Devil May Cry series for years at this point. In the lead up to Devil May Cry 5, I told myself that I would play through every other entry (yes, even DMC2) before diving into this year’s release. Once Devil May Cry 5 launched back in March though, I threw all of those plans out the window and just decided to jump into the latest entry in the series. All in all, I’m really glad I did this.

Devil May Cry 5 is one of the more enjoyable games that I played this entire year, which says a lot considering that I probably didn’t get the most out of the story like others surely did. While it definitely has a fair number of problems by my own estimation, the combat is unrivaled and never gets stale at almost any point throughout the entirety of the experience. Plus, hacking demons up as Dante while screamo music plays in the background is just a joy in every sense of the word. I haven’t spent much time dwelling on Devil May Cry 5 since I saw it through to completion, but I definitely loved my time with it in the moment.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Devil May Cry 5.

7. Gears 5

Following an outing that I didn’t care for all that much with Gears of War 4, I was shocked by how much I loved Gears 5. I said this in my review of the game earlier this year, but The Coalition really blew me away with the strides they took in this entry in the long-running shooter series. All of the new elements such as the open-world style areas, the addition of Escape mode, and the other minor refinements seen throughout Gears 5 made it my favorite installment in the saga since Gears of War 2. Not to mention, I also think it’s the best first-party game Microsoft has released this entire generation.

If there’s one thing about Gears 5 that I’m saddened by, it’s that I haven’t played the game more this year. Obviously, I’ve spent my free time on other games rather than playing Gears 5, so that’s my own fault. Still, I think about returning to Gears 5 very often and I might end up diving back in over the holidays.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Gears 5.

6. Apex Legends

I ended up bouncing off of Apex Legends pretty hard only a few months after it released, but I also cannot deny how much pure enjoyment I got out of it when it stealth launched. In a time where I didn’t see myself playing battle royale games much anymore, Apex Legends spiced up the genre in inventive, fun ways that brought me and my group of battle royale friends back together.

I also have to credit Respawn for creating such a polished, tight experience and continuing to push this relatively young subgenre forward. The idea of playing as characters with different abilities sounded a bit odd to me at first, but Respawn proved with Apex Legends that this scheme can work in the battle royale space. Not to mention, I think Apex is just flat out the best shooter of the year in terms of controls. I might not play it too often anymore, but Apex Legends is very good and I’m so glad that it exists.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Apex Legends.

5. Death Stranding

Death Stranding is such a weird game. On one hand, I love many aspects of it such as the world, the story, and the characters. On the other, I think the gameplay is incredibly one-note and the full experience could’ve been tightened up so much. Hideo Kojima was essentially given a blank check from Sony to make this game, but he also was in dire need of an editor. Death Stranding just drags on for far too long at certain points.

Despite my complaints though, Death Stranding could very well be the most memorable gaming experience I had all year long. It’s a grind to get through, but it’s unlike anything else in the gaming space right now and tells a really touching (albeit insane and confusing) story. The Metal Gear saga is still Kojima’s magnum opus, but I liked the famed director’s follow-up despite its flaws. I cannot wait to see what he and his team decide to create next.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Death Stranding.

4. Judgment

Judgment is the most slept-on game of the year, and this is coming from someone who isn’t a longtime Yakuza fan. Judgment ended up being my first foray into Ryu Ga Gotoku’s world of Yakuza and I loved every minute of it. The journey of the game’s main character Takayuki Yagami and his cohorts in the city of Kamurocho is filled with laughs, drama, and boss fights with people named Ass Catchem.

Pound for pound, I don’t think I had more pure enjoyment with any game this year more than I did with Judgment. The game is filled to the brim with content and just when you start to get burnt out with what it’s throwing at you, something new and exciting shows up. Play Judgment — I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Judgment.

3. Resident Evil 2

I love Resident Evil; it might very well be my favorite franchise in all of gaming. As such, it shouldn’t come as a shock whatsoever that I adored the remake of Resident Evil 2. Capcom masterfully took the story and main beats of the original, adapted it for the RE Engine, and created a final product that felt like a great mix of RE2 and RE4. In the process, they also turned Mr. X into likely the most popular character in any video game this year. I love that bowler hat-wearing monster.

Resident Evil 2 is probably the best video game remake ever made and it might be the best RE game to boot. A few years back, it felt like Resident Evil as a whole was nearly a dead franchise, so to see it come back with such a vengeance has warmed my cold, dead gamer heart. I absolutely cannot wait to see what Capcom does with Resident Evil 3 next year.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Resident Evil 2.

2. Return of the Obra Dinn

Yes, Return of the Obra Dinn did release last year, but I didn’t get a chance to play it until January of this year. It’s a true shame that I didn’t get around to it in 2018, either, because I really think it was in dire need of some Game of the Year consideration.

Regardless, better late than never, I did get around to playing Obra Dinn and it enraptured me more than any other game did in 2019. From the opening moments that I climbed aboard the remains of the good ship Obra Dinn, I was mesmerized; not just from the game’s wonderful art style, but from the mystery surrounding this eerie tale. What happened to this ship’s crew? How did everyone aboard it disappear? And how exactly am I going to tie all of these threads together?

I played Return of the Obra Dinn in one fell swoop and didn’t turn it off until I had seen it through to its conclusion. In my old man age of 25 years, it takes a lot for me to stay up until around 3am solely to keep playing a game, but I just couldn’t put Return of the Obra Dinn down. It’s not just one of my favorite games that I played this year, it’s one of the most unique experiences that I have ever had with a video game and I cannot recommend it enough.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Return of the Obra Dinn.

1. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is far and away my favorite game of the year, which shouldn’t be a shock whatsoever if you’ve talked to me at any point since I first played Bloodborne back in 2017. I was a late convert to the Church of FromSoftware, but now, the developer is likely my favorite in the entire world.

Sekiro has a lot in common with the Souls games that came before it, but also feels like such an evolution and advancement of all of the ideas at the root of the genre. The gameplay, specifically, is what makes Sekiro stand out to me so much in this year’s crowded slate of releases. FromSoftware created a system of combat mechanics that make sense at a baseline level right out of the gate, but takes hours upon hours to fully learn all of the intricacies. The boss fights, which I specifically think are the best of any FromSoftware game ever made, continue to throw new things at you throughout the entirety of the experience. You’re always learning new things in Sekiro and then are quickly asked to take everything that you have learned and apply them within the context of a new challenge.

I know Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice might not be for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s a very hard game and not everyone may want to spend their gaming time screaming at their televisions. If you stick it out though and learn the ins and outs of what Sekiro tries to teach you, you’ll have an experience that is unmatched compared to anything else that released in 2019.

Check out DualShockers‘ review of Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice.

Check out the rest of the DualShockers staff Top 10 lists and our official Game of the Year Awards:

December 23: DualShockers Game of the Year Awards 2019 December 25: Lou Contaldi, Editor-in-Chief // Logan Moore, Managing Editor December 26: Tomas Franzese, News Editor // Ryan Meitzler, Features Editor December 27: Mike Long, Community Manager // Scott White, Staff Writer December 28: Chris Compendio, Contributor // Mario Rivera, Video Manager December 29: Scott Meaney, Community Director // Allisa James, Senior Staff Writer // Ben Bayliss, Senior Staff Writer December 30: Cameron Hawkins, Staff Writer // David Gill, Senior Staff Writer // Portia Lightfoot, Contributor December 31: Iyane Agossah, Senior Staff Writer // Michael Ruiz, Senior Staff Writer // Rachael Fiddis, Contributor January 1: Ricky Frech, Senior Staff Writer // Tanner Pierce, Staff Writer

December 25, 2019 2:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2019/12/dualshockers-favorite-games-of-2019-logans-top-10/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dualshockers-favorite-games-of-2019-logans-top-10

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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06/01/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 18:1-19:10, John 20:1-31, Psalms 119:153-176, Proverbs 16:14-15

Today is the 1st day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is great to be here with you as we walk through this threshold into the 6th month of the year. So, well done. We have completed five months consecutively every single day in order and we have reached the 6th month of the year. And if you've made it this far then you understand that the Bible washing into our lives and speaking to us each and every day as we come together in community like this makes a profound difference in our lives. And, so, let's buckle in and get into this 6th month of the year. We’re working our way through second Samuel, and in the New Testament we’re also working our way through the gospel of John and yesterday we experienced the crucifixion of Jesus for the final time this year, as told in the Gospels. And tomorrow we will conclude the gospel of John. And, so, as we begin this 6th month of the year we’re also moving into what happens after Jesus ministry and we’ll begin the book of Acts in of couple of days. We’ve been reading from the New International Version this week. We’ll continue to do that today and we’ll go back into the book of second Samuel where David has massive problems on his hands. His son, Absalom, has an active military coup going on against his father. He is trying to usurp the throne of David and his government and his warriors are on the run, something that David understands pretty well. He had to run from King Saul. Now he’s running from his son, King Absalom and we’ll see how the story plays out. Second Samuel chapter 18 verse 1 through 19 verse 10.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word and we thank You for another week in Your word and we thank You that You've brought us into this brand-new month and we look forward to all that You have yet to speak to us as we begin to prepare ourselves to move into the story of all that came next as we move into the book of Acts. And, so, as we begin this new month and release the old month and release this week and prepare to begin a new week, we are sitting at a crossroads, and the resurrection is right smack in the middle of it all. And, so, Holy Spirit come, and may we contemplate the resurrection today and all that it means for us in our lives going forward. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link, it lives on the homepage. I thank you profoundly for your partnership. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if that's what you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey y’all, hey this is Annette in Oklahoma getting back from a wonderful trip from Florida. I had got the opportunity after many years to do a motorcycle build for my dad. I love my daddy so much and it was just my way, a small token of my appreciation for my daddy being so good to me and the best dad probably ever except for maybe your dad, right? So, anyways…but hey…I wanted to thank everybody for praying for the state of Oklahoma and Texas, Kansas, Missouri, I think some Illinois action going on up there. Boy, keep everybody in your prayers because, I tell you, we all know that prayer works, prayer covers other people, they really, really do. So, thank you. I’ve gotten many messages, I’m sure many other people have too and I thank you all for thinking about us all, okay. I really love what I call the Peter Frampton verses of the Bible, I really love that. [singing] I’m in you, you’re in me, they gave it a love, love that I had never had [singing stops]. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. I’ll leave the singing to Jill. Hey, I love you guys. Have a wonderful day. Bye-bye.

Hi Daily Audio family, my name is Amber, I’m from Illinois and today I just wanted to give prayer to all of the people that are in trouble right now just feeling like their suffocating and that…just to encourage that there is good times ahead. Right now, my life has been content and normally I’m one of those people who is like, “ooo… everything is going good, what’s gonna happen, I know there’s something waiting.” But I just wanted to send some encouragement to everyone and let you know that good times are ahead and that I am praying for you. Have a good day and I love you. Bye.

Hello, my name is Chris from Northern California and I am a longtime DABber for many years. I am so grateful to this ministry, I’m so grateful for this fellowship, God bless you Brian and Jill and China and family and all of you wonderful back behind the scenes people. The reason I’m calling is this is belated, April 20th, the community prayer group, I believe one of the first people that called in was a lady from California probably in her 60s, I’m in my 60s. So, I really related to her call. She was asking for forgiveness, she said her husband had health challenges and they’d gotten into an argument and she was praying for job wisdom and retention because you’ve got four more years until retirement and she needed this job to take care of her and her husband. So, I want her to know I’ve been praying for her and I imagine a gazillion other people have been praying for her that didn’t call in I put this off so long. So, just prayers for this woman, prayers for us seniors that feel…I don’t know…worried about the future and feel less able to handle things due to illnesses or weaknesses or frailty our brain not working as well. So, thank you so much for this, for calling in and we’re praying for you. And thank you for all Daily Audio Bible. This is Chris in Northern California.

The DAB family, this is Byron out in Florida I wanted to give a shout out to my Jesus and a praise report. So, when I was in school years ago I read this short story by Kurt Vonnegut and basically it was about this professor who had discovered the power of telekinesis, moving things with his mind and he was using it to destroy the world’s stock pile or what we call today, WMD weapons of mass destruction. So, whenever he read about the location of some armament somewhere he would just concentrate his thoughts on them and just destroy them. And this comes to mind because we have this same power in prayer. Whenever we hear injustice anywhere in the world we can start lobbing prayers on it and God can take action. And on my way to work every single day I drive by this place, this old broken-down porn shop, sells pornography, and every time I drive past I say, “hey Lord, tear this place down, get rid of this place, tear this place down.” And praise God, today I drove by the thing, I almost missed it because it didn’t close down it’s been erased, it’s been torn down to the ground, only the sign was there and it’s an empty blank space. How amazing is that? And my God answers prayer and that He can do what we cannot and His arm is strong and we do this every day in this community. We do lob prayers on places where Satan is raising his ugly head and we tear down strongholds. So, I just want to give a shout glory to my God for His faithfulness and encourage you all that whatever you see, that evil in this world, start pulling it down with those prayers. We have that power in Jesus’ name. Love you all.

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dudence-blog · 7 years

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Dear Dudence for 2 October 2017

On a Monday where a mad man kills almost 60 people, one of the last surviving members from Easy Company (Band of Brothers fame) passed away, and Tom Petty was taken off life support it’s a day which calls for something a bit different. So my gin and tonic in hand and a heavy heart it’s off to answering questions from people who didn’t ask them of me.

I am writing as a final act of desperation. For a year now, I have had very strong romantic feelings for one of my friends. She is smart, engaging to be around, caring—I have never felt quite like this about any crushes I’ve had before. The issue: she has been dating my twin sister for about a year now.

Dear Troubled Twin, my God, even BadPru’s twincest is lackluster. Sorry, that is unfair to you. You have a problem and you’re looking for advice, not to be a data point in the “NuPru is not good at this”. From your letter I’m assuming you’re young (referring to previous romantic feelings as “crushes”, semester abroad). Unless you’re planning to shoot the president in an effort to impress Jodie Foster your twin sister’s girlfriend, don’t go to therapy (and if you are planning for former please stop and contact a therapist). You’re a young person dealing with the normal sort of crush that people with a limited history of relationships have. You’ve idealized this woman in a way which is preventing you from seeing anyone else in a similar light. The good news is you’re doing the right things; dating other people, doing other things, reminding yourself that it’s a dick move to hit on your sibling’s girlfriend. Don’t go out on dates to show yourself that you’re over your crush. Go on dates because you like the person you’re dating enough to want to go out on a date with them. View them as themselves, not on the Twin Sister’s Perfect Girlfriend spectrum. Also, while my extensive internet research would make you think that telling your sister’s girlfriend you have the hots for her will end awesomely I have a sneaking suspicion I’m not really going to the best sources. So don’t tell them how your feeling. I’m thinking there’s a coin flip between “trouble both of them to know they’re hurting me” and “get really creeped out by you obsessing about their relationship for a year”. If the coin lands on the edge then my internet research was right and it’s “lingerie tickle fight”. This is not per se unhealthy; it’s part of finding your way through life, relationships, and love. It’s time you stopped pretending to move on and actually move on.

My husband and I have been together for a decade but for various monetary reasons are not legally wed. I have stayed out of his relationship with his daughter “Jessica.” I don’t think highly of her—she has been given every advantage in life and squandered it.

Dear Out of the House, oof. I’m sure that somewhere the plan “going to school to become a stylist” has gone swimmingly, but my god the number of times I’ve heard that statement and then two years later it remains the plan, and even further from completion, doesn’t make me disagree with your assessment of the situation. I’d like to find a silver-lining in this situation for you, but I’m just not seeing it. You don’t include the usual “I love my husband but,” you’re not a fan of his daughter, summing your description of her husband would be “sub-cromulent”, and it’s “her son” not “grandson”. I’d have to say your plan to go with an ultimatum is about your best course of action. A therapist may or may not be a good idea, but I bet a lawyer would be a much, much, much gooder one. You and your husband share a house and who knows what those monetary reasons encapsulates. But whatever they are I’d bet they’re an issue which could either bite you, or him, in the ass if not handled right if you need to dissolve your relationship. Your offer to support them for a few months is a perfectly reasonable one, and one which could be the basis of a suitable compromise if everyone was interested. At the end of the day you need to look out for yourself. This is a duty you didn’t sign up for, got into stupidly, and you see how it is likely going to become an all-consuming vortex of suck which will drain you emotionally and financially.

My “aunt Rhonda,” my mom’s best friend who lives several states away, has recently come out as an avid member of the alt-right movement, along with the rest of her family. This was shocking, considering they seemed to be otherwise for years. Her eldest son, “Tom,” and I were also friends, but now he’s turned out to be the biggest fanatic of the bunch, and the one who radicalized the rest.

Dear Alt-right Former Friend, just fucking unfriend the guy. There are two ways you can go about this. You could do it like a rational adult, simply click the “unfriend” option and move on with your life. Or you could do it like an anti-hero whose secret power is fueled by creating the maximum amount of drama possible. Before you unfriend him explain exactly why you’re doing it, tag everyone you both know, go into detail about why you’re taking this stand. Believe it or not there is not a requirement for you to remain friends through social media with someone who you don’t want to be friends with. Heck, there’s a pretty good chance the dude you hate actually has you unfollowed and would not give a second thought to you unfriending them. And even if they do you get the satisfaction of expressing your distaste for his politics while he gets the chance to talk on his page about his “keeping it real” is driving away the “snowflakes”. Heck, if that happens it’s a win-win! As for the fallout on your mother’s relationship your mother and Aunt Rhonda are grown women. Your mother, presumably, knows about Rhonda’s change in politics, maybe she doesn’t even consider a change and it’s something she’s known for years. I know it might be hard to believe, but there was a time in history where people really did tolerate people who didn’t agree share their every ideological bent. Your social media friending or not won’t cause something to happen which wasn’t going to happen anyway.

My wife and I were student athletes who met and married after getting MBAs. For 32 years we have lived an active, health conscious, monogamous life together. Roughly 60 days after our 31st anniversary I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With treatments and luck, I have 12 to 24 months. We both know what reality is.

Dear Letter from Dying Husband, this is the plot of some movie with Leonidas when he was wearing more than a loincloth. It was actually pretty cruel what he was doing. I’m not saying what you’re thinking of is cruel, I’m just putting it out there. I think the idea of leaving some mementos for your wife to read or watch after you’ve died is a wonderful and touching gesture. I’d highly recommend discussing it with her, letting her know your intent, and deciding with her the best way to go forward. Maybe she decides she’d appreciate those letters on the significant days of your life together. Maybe she’d rather get them at once and allow her to decide the circumstances where she reads them. If you do decide to go the “anniversary letter” route, please make sure she knows how to stop them in case it does become something less wonderful in reality than it sounded during your last years together.

I live in a cul-de-sac with several families the same age as my two girls. We all do mutual birthdays and celebrations, except for “Lydia.” Lydia has five children and on most days lets them run wild and unsupervised, and the kids barge in on neighbors. I have bit my tongue over having several of Lydia’s children (my youngest is friends with two of them) show up at my back door asking for dinner this summer. I have brought it up with Lydia, only to have her dismiss it.

Dear Cheapskate, just let me go ahead and disagree with Newdie and say she is totally wrong that kids don’t do things because they’re jerks. Yes, kids do things because they’re jerks, this is because kids, just like everyone else, can be jerks. I doubt your daughter’s age-appropriate friends brought her a dirty teddy bear in a brown paper bag because they’re jerks, but I can totally see a teenager doing it. Again, because kids are jerks. All that being said Lydia might just be one of those parents who is doing the bare minimum needed to bring up a litter of kids without any one them being obviously horrible people. That she is devilishly taking advantage of your kindness by sending her kids on activities without the ability to feed themselves. That she shoves them out the door to crash neighborhood parties or family dinners so that she doesn’t have to deduct from her lotto and cigarettes budget. Or she is financially stressed and really can’t provide the sort of comforts for her kids that you can provide for hers. I empathize with not wanting to provide it for her kids; it’s can be hard enough to do it for you own. I would suggest having another conversation with Lydia, but instead of it being about how you’re not going to support her children, think of it from a point of view that Lydia might not actually be able to do what you think she should. People hate admitting to financial problems. Most folks would rather talk with their parents about their sex life than talk money. If she isn’t able to get a present for your daughter’s birthday, or put enough food on the table for 5 children including two teens, might knowing this make you rethink your attitude towards her children and their actions? It doesn’t make you and your cul-de-sac responsible for providing for them, but it might not be worth the feuding. If Lydia tells you to mind your fucking business then snorts a line of blow off a hooker’s ass using a rolled up benjamin to do it go ahead and feud though.

I’m from another country and only have a few friends here. My friendship with “John” is really important to me. I recently broke up with my longtime girlfriend and he has been here for me a lot. John, another friend, and I have a group chat and the other friend sent some porn images as a joke, and I responded with some too.

Dear Best Friend’s Wife is Angry Wife Me, you should apologize. There’s at least three different things going on here, and the healing power of “and” almost certainly is exerting its blessings as well.

Humor is pretty culturally specific. Even if you’ve been in a country for a while you might miss the boat on some jokes.

Did you escalate the porn joke? For example, did your mutual friend send a titillating picture of Scarlett Johansson and you hilariously joined in a 35 minute long compilation of Japanese fetish game show videos?

Is there something inappropriate about you sending “John” joke porn? Had you previously expressed an interest in “John”? Are you of the opposite sex? Or of the same sex and that’s how he goes?

I’m sure there’s other issues at play (how did his wife find out about the joke?) but those are the three that jump out at me in how it relates to her reaction to you. If you can reach out to the wife and apologize.

My question is about how long to hang on. My ex-husband and I got along great and still hung in the same group until he got married again and he and/or his wife decided I had to go. Although I had usually been the one to throw parties and invited everyone, the ex and wife then began to do so without inviting me.

Dear Ex-Husband Got Friends in the Divorce, I’m with NuPru in not actually understanding what you’ve been excluded from. Hate to say it but “ex-wife not being invited to parties with new wife” is really kind of the default position. If your friends are choosing your ex and his new wife over you in all times except when you specifically invite them it’s worth discussing it with the friends. It could be none of them realize that, collectively, they’ve chosen your ex over them. Everyone assumes everyone else is going to see you the rest of the time and they’ve never put together that they’ve cut you out. Maybe they are all colluding to deny you their friendship, but if you don’t ask them it’s a bit premature to make plans to move on.

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thebravetheboldandthebeautiful · 7 years

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In Depth Critique on Abortion Piece

On Paper, Italy Allows Abortions, but Few Doctors Will Perform Them

In Gaia Pianigiani’s January 16, 2016 article titled “On Paper, Italy Allows Abortions, but Few Doctors Will Perform Them,” from The New York Times, she writes about the unfortunate reality for women who are trying to get abortions, specifically in Italy. The article is an exemplary, in depth article, because it fulfills the five pillars of journalism and remains objective even with such a controversial topic as abortion. In general, it is a well-informed and well-written in depth article using the 5 W’s summary lead.

Pianigiani’s article is timely in that the story of Benedetta, who is one of the women attempting to get an abortion, is new. The article shares the latest update about Italy and its situation with abortion. It is significant in that all women and their male partners in Italy are subject to this “law that makes abortion legal up to 90 days” and are affected by it. The law forces women to rush to try and find a doctor who will help them. This is important in that women are already crunched for time and now there are also fewer and fewer doctors who are willing to help.

The article is relevant because women all over the United States can relate to the struggle concerning abortions and finding doctors to perform abortions. The topic of abortions is well debated in the United States, as stated by Pianigiani in that, “the issue is not as openly divisive in Italy as it is in the United States.” Whether abortions are ethically sound has caused people to reanalyze their morals and how it fits in with their religious views. With religion being such an important factor in many people’s daily lives, especially in Italy, Pianigiani references how Pope Francis, who is a very prominent leader, “announced that all Roman Catholic priests have the power to offer absolution for the ‘sin of abortion’” and how this has helped console women.

In addition to being such a controversial topic, abortions in general hold human interest. The article in particular appeals to human emotion, specifically sadness or sympathy for those mothers who cannot find the help they need and for those who have experienced it themselves. Pianigiani tugs at those emotions when she includes a quote from a woman who got an abortion, saying how she, “cried all through the procedure and after...And [she] still feel like a good Catholic.” The fact that most of Italy, if not all, is religious adds to how the article is significant and affects a large multitude of people, which would make it newsworthy.

Throughout the article, Pianigiani stays objective and does not editorialize. Pianigiani uses multiple sources to get her point across, which is that many women struggle to find doctors to help because of the doctor’s moral objection. She allows the reader to decide for themselves whether abortion is ethical or not. Pianigiani does not use any words to sway the reader one way or another. In addition to staying objective, Pianigiani does not cross any lines concerning the ethics of journalism. Even though, Pianigiani’s article is about abortion, which some believe to be unethical, it was not unethical for her to write about it. She respects her sources by protecting the privacy of those who asked to be anonymous.

In particular, Pianigiani has strong sources. Because it is an in depth article, Pianigiani has great use of data, quotes, and outside research incorporated into the article. She references Dr. Agatone’s survey where it was discovered that, “only 1,200 gynecologists out of well over 10,000 in Italy performed abortions.” Additionally, Pianigiani states how those numbers could be due to the fact that, “seventy percent of gynecologists — up to 83 percent in some conservative southern regions — are conscientious objectors to the law.” For an overall view of how hard it is for one to find a doctor’s help, Pianigiani uses data from a recent report that, “about 60 percent of Italian hospitals perform abortions.” To top it off, she has a multitude of quotes from women who received abortions, directors of hospitals, the Pope himself, doctors, and even a committee. The sources involve a wide range of people who were both pro and anti abortion. Despite The New York Times being known as a more liberal paper, the sources from both sides show that the newspaper does not use media bias in its articles. Even though it could be seen as an unequal amount of quotes from both sides, the article is not about being either pro or anti abortion.

On Paper, Italy Allows Abortions, but Few Doctors Will Perform Them By GAIA PIANIGIANI JAN. 16, 2016

ASCOLI PICENO, Italy — After Benedetta, 35, found out 11 weeks into her pregnancy that the baby she wanted “with all myself” had extremely serious genetic problems, she made a painful decision, and asked her longtime gynecologist for an abortion.

Her doctor’s refusal — she said she was a conscientious objector to Italy’s law that makes abortion legal up to 90 days — set off a desperate scramble to find a doctor who would help her.

At one hospital, doctors advised her to get a psychiatrist’s note saying she had threatened to kill herself, so that she could extend the legal time limit. At another, a doctor suggested that she just wait.

“ ‘The fetus is incompatible with life; you will very likely lose it anyway past the 20th week’ — that’s what this doctor told me,” Benedetta said, still angry and incredulous. She asked that her last name not be used to protect her privacy. “To expect a woman to see her belly growing, to raise a doomed life, is inhumane.”

“I felt like a container, not a human being,” she added.

After a fight that feminists in Italy still consider a signal achievement, abortion within 90 days of pregnancy — and later for women in mental or physical danger, or in cases of serious fetal pathologies — has been legal in this country for over three decades.

But that does not mean that finding a doctor to perform one is easy. Seventy percent of gynecologists — up to 83 percent in some conservative southern regions — are conscientious objectors to the law, and do not perform abortions for religious or personal reasons in a country that remains, culturally at least, overwhelmingly Catholic.

It is a circumstance that has alarmed some women’s health experts, who say that the challenges will grow only more severe in the years ahead.

“Most of the non-objectors like me are about to retire, so we will soon have troubles helping these women,” said Silvana Agatone, a 62-year-old gynecologist at a hospital in Rome and the founder of a website that provides information on how and where to get an abortion.

Dr. Agatone has conducted a yearslong phone survey, calling every hospital obstetrician unit she could locate to verify whether or not their doctors were conscientious objectors, and found that only 1,200 gynecologists out of well over 10,000 in Italy performed abortions.

According to a recent report, about 60 percent of Italian hospitals perform abortions, a declining but “more than satisfactory” number, the minister of health, Beatrice Lorenzin, wrote in a statement.

Experts agree that reproductive education has contributed to an overall decline in abortions in Europe. Abortion within the first trimester is legal in most European countries, even if with some restrictions.

The main difference in Italy, experts agree, is a shortage of doctors and centers willing to terminate a pregnancy. Moreover, the Roman Catholic Church’s opposition to the practice has created a stronger stigma here than in many other countries, they say.

In Italy, even at hospitals that ostensibly perform abortions, more individual doctors are opting out.

“I am Catholic and work for a Catholic hospital, so of course I don’t morally or practically endorse abortions,” said Marco Bonito, director of the obstetrics unit at the Catholic San Pietro Fatebenefratelli Hospital in Rome. “And I must say that, at least in the past, non-objectors were ghettoized in some cases, so we can’t rule out that that may have played a role in the low numbers” of doctors willing to perform abortions.

The issue is not as openly divisive in Italy as it is in the United States. Some Catholic anti-abortion movements hold rallies in city squares every once in a while, and local governments, on paper, do not obstruct abortion.

But in practice, some women face hurdles trying to gain access to abortion facilities in their regions, which the European Committee of Social Rights has deemed “detrimental” to their health.

“Women who are denied access to abortion facilities in their local region may, in effect, be deprived of any effective opportunity to avail of their legal entitlement to such services, as the tight time scale at issue may prevent them from making alternative arrangements,” the committee said.

Like Benedetta, many Italian women can recount similar stories of delayed diagnoses and troubles finding a hospital with a willing physician.

“We have a national law, we have had it since 1978 — it’s as old as my husband — and I have to drive through two regions to have an abortion?” said Silvia Brandimarte, 34, who was told her fetus had a serious genetic disease in her 12th week of pregnancy.

For her, too, the diagnosis set off a desperate hunt through several hospitals in the central Italian regions of Abruzzo and Marche before she finally found a doctor willing to terminate her pregnancy in September.

“Women doctors elsewhere just told me that they don’t offer that service — can you imagine?” she said. “I am not a teenager. I was raised in a Catholic family, one of those where ‘you keep what God gives you,’ but I do believe we have the right to choose.”

Noninvasive abortions can be equally challenging. Authorities in Marche, for example, never translated the national directives for the abortion pill RU486 into local protocols and guidelines. Thus, the pill that Italian women have theoretically been able to use since 2009 is still not available here.

The shortage of options for many women in the region has prompted the Italian Association for Demographic Education, or A.I.E.D., which performs outpatient services for a number of women’s health issues, to provide its own remedy. Once a week, it sends doctors who will perform abortions to Ascoli Piceno, in east-central Italy, from as far away as Milan and Rome. The city hospital did not have any gynecologists who terminated pregnancies.

Benedetta visited several centers before finding the A.I.E.D. doctors in Ascoli Piceno. After being turned down by two hospitals in the Marche region, a 39-year-old woman, who already had an 18-year-old daughter and was not in a position to have a baby, went to an A.I.E.D. doctor.

“I cried all through the procedure and after,” she said, asking that her name not be used to preserve her privacy. “And I still feel like a good Catholic.”

In a predominantly Catholic country, the sense of guilt for women who get abortions is still very strong, doctors and social workers in Ascoli Piceno said.

“It’s even made worse by wrong policies,” said Laura Olimpi, a pediatrician and the A.I.E.D chairwoman in Ascoli Piceno. “There is no intention to govern a decreasing phenomenon in the name of women’s health.”

Pope Francis has announced that all Roman Catholic priests have the power to offer absolution for the “sin of abortion” during the church’s Holy Year of Mercy, which began in December. Without changing the church’s orientation on the issue, Francis described “the scar of this agonizing and painful decision” in the hearts of many women he said he had met.

For some women, his words were a source of consolation in the emotional and therapeutic labyrinth they had to navigate.

“The first thing I thought when I heard it was, ‘Well, at least now he will absolve me,’ ” said a 38-year-old mother of two adopted children who decided, without her husband’s knowledge, to have an abortion for personal and economic reasons. She traveled more than 50 kilometers, or 31 miles, to have the procedure.

“It was not the right moment, and I knew it,” she said of having a baby. “Who are they all to judge me?”

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 8 years

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Ask D'Mine: Why Blood Sugar Repairs Cost More Than Prevention

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-why-blood-sugar-repairs-cost-more-than-prevention/

Ask D'Mine: Why Blood Sugar Repairs Cost More Than Prevention

Happy Saturday, and welcome back to our weekly advice column, Ask D’Mine, hosted by veteran type 1 expert and diabetes author Wil Dubois.

This week, Wil takes on a longtimer's question about the mysteries of high blood sugars -- why they happen and why they are sometimes so darn difficult to bring down.

Got your attention? Read on…

Have your own questions? Email us at [email protected]

Rick, type 1 from Indiana, writes: I am a 59-year-old male who’s had diabetes for 42 years. My A1C is hanging in the upper 5’s these days, but I have had long periods of much greater A1C’s. For the last 15-20 years, however, I have been well-controlled, never exceeding an A1C of 7 and sometimes (last five years) I have been in the 5’s consistently. In the last year, I have noticed that I am chasing the occasional higher blood sugar with more Humalog than usual. Of course, if I cover correctly it seems to take even less Humalog than when trying to bring it down later. So what gives? Why do I have to use more Humalog to bring a lingering high blood sugar down than is required if I catch it earlier? By the way, why do I get high anyway? I mean, yeah, that kind of high? The kind of high no one wants, and we do not even try for.

PS: I love high humor, do you know any good high jokes?

Wil@Ask D’Mine answers: So a priest, a rabbi, and a diabetic go into a bar in the Alps…

Actually, sorry, Rick, no. I don’t think I have any good high blood sugar jokes. But your blood sugar control is no laughing matter. It’s awesome. You should be proud!

So you’ve really got three questions woven in here: Why do highs happen despite excellent diabetes control skills and tools? Why do corrections take more insulin to fix than the amount of insulin that could have prevented them? And why would blood sugar issues all of a sudden become more common after being sort of a non-issue for years?

I think we have time to cover all of those this morning.

You are 100% correct that for many of us, it takes more insulin to fix a problem than to prevent it. There are several reasons why—but they are connected—and it comes down to location, location, location.

The location of the sugar, and the location of the insulin.

The insulin we T1s use doesn’t enter the blood stream directly like it does in sugar-normals. Instead, we inject it into fat and it eventually works its way into the blood stream.

Slowly.

Meanwhile, let’s consider the sugar’s location. If you have a high reading on your meter or your CGM, your blood stream is coursing with sugar, while if you are eating, the digestion is just starting, and the sugar is still partly locked up in the food and just beginning to enter the blood stream. The timing just works better with meals. The insulin, getting on the job slowly a little at a time during the digestive process, matches better with the slow infusion of sugar, and it only takes a modest amount of insulin to properly process the glucose into the cells, keeping it out of the blood stream.

On the other hand, if your blood is flooded with sugar, a little bit of insulin, coming on the job slowly, is going to make slow progress—if any at all. Plus, there’s really more sugar. Or at least more sugar all at once, so cleaning up a big pool of sugar takes a serious insulin mop.

Think of it this way: Let’s say the priest, the rabbi, and the diabetic have joined the Forest Service as wild land fire fighters high in the Rockies. If they want to do a controlled burn, it doesn’t take that much water to keep the fire small and where it belongs. But if a strong wind comes along, scatters the embers and lights up the whole frickin' forest, well, they’re going to need a lot more water, right?

High blood sugars are forest fires.

And just like the locations of sugar and insulin play a role in the different volumes of insulin needed for meals and corrections, there is a connection between your other two questions as well. And it’s complacency.

Especially with vets of the Diabetes Wars like you, over time, many people’s management skills begin to, shall we say, slip? Let’s see -- 42 years of diabetes is 15,330 days. Assuming three meals a day, that’s 45,990 meals you’ve taken insulin for, give or take a few. Given your stellar control, you clearly know what you are doing. But also given that recently it’s becoming challenging, I suspect you might have gone onto autopilot, winging many of your meals rather than properly calculating them.

I think the new onset issues covering meals may suggest a creeping new onset sloppiness in your diabetes control skill set.

The cure is to return to your roots. Get on your smart phone and look up those carb counts. Break out the pencil and paper and start crunching those numbers again.

The vast majority of meals gone awry can be traced to the same cause. I often hear people bemoan that the “perfect bolus” didn’t work. Really? How many carbs? How did you count them? Did you weigh the food? Did you do the math in your head or on a calculator?

Complacency. Ninety percent of the time. Complacency.

Then, of course, sometimes the truly perfect bolus still goes awry. Why? Simple: There isn’t a super computer on the planet sophisticated enough to calculate the "perfect bolus." There are just too many variables. Really, what we are doing here is trying to build a space station using stone tools and bearskins.

We often think of a meal bolus as simply matching a carb count to an insulin-to-carb ratio, but there’s more to a functioning bolus than that, never minding the fact that’s it’s impossible to actually get a truly accurate carb count of anything. Each and every “identical” plate of food in history varied from its clones, depending on its exact blend of ingredients, and even how and where each were harvested and cooked. Even plates that come from boxes and cans are still members of the Wild Kingdom, and therefore wildly different from each other.

But assuming for a moment that the magic carb-counting wand is finally perfected, our troubles aren’t over yet. Where you inject on your body affects insulin uptake speed. As does the temperature of your skin. Your body’s hormones can speed or slow insulin onset, while that tricky liver is sometimes adding sugar to the mix and sometimes isn’t. Your metabolic rate varies from day to day. Caffeine levels, alcohol levels, and anything recreational that makes you high can all interact with the dance between sugar and insulin.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Different insulins have slightly different action curves, and do we really know that it’s the same stuff from bottle to bottle and pen to pen? And even if it is “perfect” leaving the factory, how did it travel to you? How does it travel in you? How old is it? How long does it take you to use an open vial?

The bottom line here? It’s by no means hopeless. We get it right and overcome these overwhelming odds frequently. But other times, it goes hopelessly awry—from one of these hidden variables, or a pack of them working in concert against us. A mystery blood sugar spike isn’t like the Bermuda Triangle—it has a real cause. It’s just that the cause may be so subtle and twisted that we can’t fathom it, much less have predicted it in advance.

Well, that really killed the mood, didn’t it? I better lighten things up.

So a priest, a rabbi, and a diabetic walk into an insulin factory…

Disclaimer: This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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