#anyway i love an anakin that - for all his faults and struggles with them - does genuinely love the jedi and is proud to be one of them

[antianakin]

Maybe it's my personal bias, but a dark Ahsoka trying to get back in to the WBW because the whole mess from Anakin and then never actually processing her feelings, grief, anger etc leading her to thinking she can "fix" everything by "saving" Anakin. Not really thinking of the repercussions.

And have it be that she isn't trying to change the timeline for selfless reasons, but because she wants Anakin back. That misplaced sort of blame that comes when you over idolize someone. It was only Palpatine's fault, she tries to believe, Anakin wouldn't have done this all unprompted.

In trying to get back to the WBW having her actually process her emotions and the events and realize she's putting herself and her former master on pedestals to cope. Gradually working on herself.

Or not. Idk having Ahsoka unhealthily cope with grief in a way almost paralleling Anakin (trying to cheat death for Padme and failing anyway) sounds cool to me. Or maybe I'm just exhausted.

This would certainly make a real cool AU! The one thing making me hesitate is that she explicitly says while in the WBW in Rebels that Ezra can't save his master just like she can't save hers and never shows any real inclination towards trying to use it to save Anakin. So if you went with this concept, you'd have to figure out why she changed her mind on it or you'd just have to pretend like that moment didn't happen.

But in general I think that the idea really works! Like, I wouldn't want her to actually MAKE IT to the WBW or anything, I don't want any weird time travel shenanigans for her to mess with, but I think the idea of her TRYING to get back to it so she can fix Anakin, or fix what she did wrong or something could be a really interesting goal for her to have throughout a season where she's dealing with her Anakin feelings. Especially if we assume she's slightly fucked up from Malachor and its Sith bullshit in addition to her regular emotional struggles.

And in the she has to give it up. Like maybe she finds a way to do it, a way to open one of those doors, but doing so would have some sort of consequence and she has to choose between her selfish desire to "save" Anakin and fix what she believes are her own mistakes, or keeping that particular consequence from happening. Maybe people she's grown close to over the course of the story will be killed or put at risk if she opens the door, and she has to let it go, let ANAKIN go, in order to protect them.

That version of Anakin is gone, he's dead, and the version of him that exists now is clearly unwilling to be saved, at least by her, and all she can do is accept that and move on. Let go of her guilt, let go of her fears, just... let go. MAYBE her choice to leave the Order spurred him down that path, but maybe it didn't. Maybe Anakin made his own choices based on things entirely unrelated to her. Maybe if she'd been there she could've helped him, but maybe she'd have just been killed with all the rest. She'll never know and she has to come to terms with that before she can move forward with her life. She might've left first, but Anakin left her, too, and he took everything else she loved with him when he did.

In an ideal world, this would lead Ahsoka to do a lot of reflecting on her past with Anakin as she tries to figure out how far back she'd have to go to "save" him and she realizes just how dark he already was when she knew him and ultimately realizes that HE WAS DARK WHEN SHE MET HIM. There were things that happened to him, things he'd probably already chosen to DO, long before she'd met him that were already taking him down the path to darkness, things she'll likely never know or understand. But it allows her to see Anakin so much more truthfully than she'd ever done before. No longer does she view Anakin through the rosy lens of childhood hero worship, she can see how often he struggled with his own darkness and the ways it impacted their relationship, the way it's continuing to impact her NOW.

There were good moments, and she'd loved him, but he was dark long before she knew him and that's something she HAS to accept about him if she's ever going to let him go. There were things Anakin did to her that weren't okay, there were things Anakin taught her that were wrong and caused her to start down her own darker path, and until she can recognize that Anakin FAILED HER, she'll never be able to find her way BACK. She'll never be a Jedi until she acknowledges this very important and vital truth about Anakin and her apprenticeship under him. He WASN'T a good master and he WASN'T a good Jedi. He was sometimes a good PERSON, but he'd ultimately decided to leave that behind, too. He wasn't the person she'd thought he was and unless she wants to become him, she has to acknowledge where he made mistakes so she can keep from making the same ones herself.

So yeah, I think this idea has a LOT of merit and could definitely be a very interesting path to take Ahsoka on!

[starculler]

idle thought of the day:

Anakin with a tattoo of the Jedi Order's symbol really big across his back

He didn't set out that day intending to get any tattoo, let alone that one. No, he was just supposed to be out with Rex and some of their men, enjoying one of the rare stretches of peace they rarely experience during the war. They find a bar, they sit down, order drinks

And no one's really drunk. They're professionals and even if they're on leave, there's always a chance they'll get called up for an emergency. So no, no one's drunk, but they're just this side of tipsy. Enough in their systems to loosen up and have a good time.

Except Anakin who's only managed to smuggle himself a single drink he swiped from Rex because he's not only tonight's designated ride back, but also barely 20 and looser tongues have taken to ribbing him for "underage" drinking. Still, it's nice and fun and when they pile out sometime past midnight, no one's really itching to head back.

Finding a tattoo parlor isn't hard -- they tend to crop up everywhere large groups of clones frequent. It's a luxury, indulging in a professional shop when most of the men get theirs done by experienced brothers, but tonight they have time and credits and it'd be a shame to pass up the opportunity.

Anakin watches three troopers sit, or lay down, for new designs. Watches the group offer suggestions, teasing and joking and enjoying themselves in ways the war doesn't usually allow. And he's content to fade into the background a bit until one of them drags him right into the spotlight.

"What about you, General?"

He startles, ten pairs of eyes -- eleven counting the pantoran tattoo artist -- suddenly staring at him. Anakin shrugs. He's never thought about it, and when that becomes clear enough his men are all too happy to contribute their own ideas.

It's a mix of teasing and cajoling nothing serious behind it until the pantoran arches a brow and asks if he's next as soon as the last person's vacated the chair.

He didn't come for a tattoo. Didn't plan on doing anything more than spend a night out with the men he fights alongside. Maybe it's the good humor in the air or the way some of them watch him, all wide-eyed excitement and grinning, but he takes a step forward. And another. And another until he's in the chair and someone he doesn't see whoops. That sets off another round of excited chattering, ideas being tossed back and forth.

He listens, laughing along with them at the more outrageous suggestions, and feels his lightsaber shift against his leg when he moves to sit a little more comfortably. The idea strikes light lightning -- quick and impulsive.

"The Jedi's symbol," he says, turning to the pantoran who nods and sets to work once Anakin's -- technically Rex who pulls it up on the net, some piece of propoganda where Obi-Wan's pauldron is clearly visible -- given him an image to work with.

It's simple, just a black outline, but he grins the moment the pantoran lets him up and shows it to him in the mirror. A few of the men clap him on the shoulder, congratulating him on his first taste of ink until Rex steps in and herds them all out once the credits have been paid and the necessary bacta applied.

They stop only for a moment, snapping a quick holo of Anakin and the three troopers with their new tattoos on display, before shuffling off for blissful sleep.

(Anakin gets a copy of the picture sent to him and keeps it on a special datapad full of pictures of the people he cares about most.)

Nothing changes afterward, back on the Resolute II and heading off to their next battle, but if there's a smattering of the 501st with the outline of the Order's symbol painted large and proud in blue on their armor's backplates, well. That's simply one of the many quirks unique to Anakin's batallion.

[gch1995]

Anakin killed the kids because he was ordered to and was too lost on the dark side and his fear to lose Padme to think rationally at this point. Not because of the environment he was raised in.

Your ‘friend’ went on a weird off topic rant, probably to deflect because they couldn’t answer my question as well. I was just asking if you had any evidence to what you were claiming to be true, which you don’t seem to have.. I mean, of course you can’t give an actual headcount (not was I was asking at all), but do you have an example? A mission that went wrong where a Jedi murdered a kid?? A reference? Something other than “I know it’s likely to have happened”.

Also Anakin was 22 when he became Vader, how can he have “spent over 30 years of his life in environments in which children soldiers of 6 (once again, proof? Why 6??) and older were treated no differently from the adult soldiers/Jedi” ? That doesn’t make sense

And once again, where/when exactly has Anakin been taught that children/padawans are “expendable collateral damage”?

You keep saying factually false things and expect people to jump in your “actuality it’s the Jedi fault” bandwagon. I mean, you thought Maul was Yoda’s apprentice…

No, Anakin was not taught to kill kids personally by the Jedi. I’ll grant that, while he does struggle to believe he can just say no to Sidious with a slave mindset, lack faith in his own already compromised agency, and lack of faith in his own morality under a lifetime of conditioning to take orders and back up the beliefs of abusive, corrupt, oppressive, and manipulative authority figures, seeing human rights violations, child abuse, child endangerment, child conscription for weaponry, child abandonment, child sacrifice, and endangerment and/or murder for that purported “greater good” after being recruited by the Jedi to the end of his life, there also was a personal selfishness when he took those orders and/or carried out what he was taught to do with the dark side by Sidious in the Empire. He also committed those horrible crimes to deal with his anger, paranoia, self-loathing, fear of being hurt, fear of being defied, fear of having no one, and/or fear of losing loved ones in the heat of the moment with his troops, innocent families, and/or kids, too. He didn’t revel in committing those crimes. Ultimately, he hated himself for committing them. However he still committed them anyway because he didn’t think he could stop after being groomed to view these atrocious deeds as “necessary evils” for “the greater good” throughout most of his life, he’d spent most of his life being conditioned to serve, and after going dark and losing Padme he became too deeply entrenched in his own anger, fear, and self-loathing to even try. He felt he deserved this fate after pushing away Padme, and contributing to her death when he choked her in a blind rage, even if inadvertently.

Anakin was a lifelong victim with deeply compromised agency, but he also did become a villain with an atonement arc at the end that was possible because deep down he always knew the means he’d taken to justify the ends for these authority figures and/or out of his own anger and paranoia were reprehensible. He did become a coward, regardless of the severely compromised agency of learned helplessness, grooming, and limited options under abusive and corrupt authority and PTSD symptoms. Therefore, he does hold at least diminished responsibility.

The point is that from a psychological standpoint it makes sense that Anakin could learn to justify killing kids with that whole “greater good” excuse in mind because he spent a lot of time being endangered as a child himself on missions with the Jedi, saw other kids he grew up with being life-threateningly endangered in the Jedi, saw other padawan being left behind got trained to be a weapon himself as a child, saw the Jedi Council was willing to execute his 16 year old padawan for a war crime they had limited evidence of her committing, then exiled her with nothing, and/or saw kids being used as combatants or left behind in missions and/or war “for the greater good” in not just the Sith/Empire but the Jedi Order/Republic, too.

The point is that Darth Vader is not just a creation of Anakin’s own bad decisions. He’s also a product of decades of systematic abuse, crime, grooming, and human rights violations against both children and adults, regardless of their guilt or innocence, “for the greater good,” that was enabled and/or perpetuated in both the Jedi Order/Republic and the Sith/Empire for much of his life.

Anakin’s not innocent, far from it, but it is not as simple as him being evil incarnate who had this darkness in him all along, nonny. He had to learn it from somewhere, which is the case with a lot of people who become abusers and criminals as adults in real life, too. Yes, they had a choice to be better and do better, even if they weren’t fully aware of it under shitty circumstances with limited to nonexistent healthy support and safe options, which is the case with Anakin. They knew what they were doing felt wrong, so in that sense, they are guilty of their crimes. However, they also often weren’t just born inherently corrupt and evil who had it in them to become that way all along, no matter what. Many adults who become perpetrators of abuse, crime, and injustice often had to learn how to be that way themselves, and how to normalize committing those atrocities and injustices because they are/were often victims of abuse and injustices themselves under authority figures who conditioned them to normalize enabling and/or perpetuating those sort of toxic behaviors and/or mindsets, whether intentionally or not.

You certainly wanted a story that simple, though, considering how much you want to see the other Jedi adults of his time as “blameless.”

The point I was making is that we hold responsibility for our own choices as adults, for better or worse, so long as we can sense right from wrong, regardless of horrible circumstances, but we’re also often influenced and shaped by our environments and relationships with other people in adulthood, for better or worse, too, so those who have/had power and influence over us are also responsible for helping shape our beliefs, our emotional/mental health, and making sure we’re safe. Aside from his mother, none of the authority figures who held power over him throughout Anakin’s life used that power kindly, mindfully, and wisely, so they have a hand in helping create Vader, whether intentionally or not, which means Palpatine’s not the only one at fault. Obi Wan and the Jedi Council are too, even if they never intended to help create a monster.

Yes, Anakin made very bad decisions that hurt a lot of innocent people who didn’t deserve it, including children, which he knew felt wrong, regardless of the hell of a life he had of deeply compromised agency under abusive, hypocritical, manipulative, and oppressive authority, limited to nonexistent healthy support options, limited to nonexistent safe escape options, and very poorly treated/neglected emotional/mental health PTSD symptoms. He did stop trying after going dark, and, while sympathetic, his motives for going dark were also partially personally selfish, too.

However, you also can’t deny that he’d probably have become more like the ideal hero his son Luke was in the OT movies if he’d been able to grow up with that healthy and stable family and home life for his first 18 years of life before getting involved with the Jedi, and hadn’t had such a horrible life of constantly compromised agency under abusive, corrupt, hypocritical, manipulative, and oppressive authority figures who conditioned him to serve as a powerful weapon or tool “for the greater good” instead.

[stolen-pen-name23]

Hi! Could you do 7 or 21 of the angst prompts for Obi Wan and Ahsoka please?

Hi! Thank you for the prompt (from these prompts)!! And yes, I can do both actually! Here ya go:

---

“You are so stupid.”

The words are dry — at least, Ahsoka hopes they are dry enough to hide the very real fear lingering behind them.

“Thanks,” Obi-Wan says between clenched teeth, obviously not hearing the full emotion behind Ahsoka’s sentiment. He is sitting across from her in the co-pilot’s chair — a bundle of bloodstained robes and tightened shoulders as he breathes through the pain. She shoots him another glare while she digs through the medkit, searching for a set of tweezers.

“Going after a bounty hunter who was carrying a slugthrower,” Ahsoka mutters. “What were you thinking?”

“Well, I—”

“No, don’t answer that,” Ahsoka says, raising her hand. “I already have the answer. You weren’t thinking.”

“Now hold on,” Obi-Wan pants. “We couldn’t let them capture the senator now, could we? We had a mission.”

“Yeah, and you made me stay behind and guard the other senators.”

“It was a very important task,” he says defensively.

“You made me their babysitter because you knew that going after Bane was dangerous. You knew and you went anyway.”

“To be fair,” Obi-Wan says, “he’s never used slugthrowers before.”

“And so what? You didn’t think he’d actually use it on you?”

“I was cautiously optimistic.”

“Look where that got you,” Ahsoka says, shaking her head. She continues rifling through the medkit until she finally finds a set of tweezers and a small scalpel. Obi-Wan eyes both items warily.

“I need to get a better look at the wound before I do anything,” Ahsoka says, trying to keep him calm, despite her current anger at him.

“Alright,” he nods, looking like he’s trying to reassure himself.

Ahsoka cuts through the fabric of his tunics and his undershirts and pulls them away. Underneath, a circular wound mars Obi-Wan’s skin. His muscles are tight, instinctively clenching in a vain attempt to ward off the pain.

“Hmmm.”

“What?” Obi-Wan asks.

“I have good news and bad news.”

“Do share.”

“The bad news is the bullet didn’t go all the way through. The good news is that it looks like it didn’t go too deep, so it shouldn’t be too hard for me to get it out. I won’t be needing this.” She sets the scalpel aside.

“Well, as long as there’s good news,” Obi-Wan sighs. “Though I suppose there was never a silver lining without a dark cloud behind it.”

“No, I suppose not,” Ahsoka says, offering him a sympathetic smile. “I need to get this out. You’ll get an infection if I don’t.”

“I know,” Obi-Wan says, resigned. “Let’s just get on with it then.”

Ahsoka takes a deep breath and relies on the Force to steady her hand. She presses the tweezers into the wound. A harsh breath escapes Obi-Wan’s lips, but he does not cry out. Ahsoka takes that as a sign to keep going. She pinches the bullet between the tweezers, but she slips and digs the metal deeper into the torn-up flesh.

Obi-Wan gasps and pulls away from Ahsoka.

“Sorry!” Ahsoka exclaims.

“It’s alright,” Obi-Wan pants, blinking back tears that had pooled in his eyes on reflex. “Just keep going.”

Ahsoka nods and goes back in with the tweezers, but Obi-Wan flinches back. Ahsoka tries again, and he recoils to the side.

“Stop that. Hold still,” Ahsoka says, exasperated.

“Sorry,” he says. “I’m just not used to this kind of wound”

“Yeah well… that’s what happens when you go after a bounty hunter who is openly wielding a slugthrower.”

“Alright, I get it,” Obi-Wan says, deflating slightly.

“I don’t think you do,” Ahsoka grimaces. “Now for real this time. Stay still.”

Obi-Wan nods tightly, while Ahsoka hones back in on the wound. She gets the tweezers around the bullet once more, and this time, they don’t slip. Slowly, she maneuvers the bullet out of Obi-Wan’s flesh until it clatters on the floor with a metallic ringing sound.

Ahsoka stares, frozen in place as the wound bleeds openly. Obi-Wan’s blood runs down his side now that there is no bullet to dam up its path.

“Oh,” Ahsoka says dumbly. “I always forget that slugthrower wounds don’t cauterize.”

“Yes, well, they don’t,” Obi-Wan says. Ahsoka glares at him. “Go get a needle and thread, I’ll put pressure on it.”

Ahsoka hands him a semi-clean rag and he presses it to his stomach. His breaths become a little more ragged.

“Hang in there Master,” Ahsoka says as she finds a sewing kit. She measures out a length of thread and cuts it. The eye of the needle is tiny and she struggles to get the thread to go through it.

“Maybe we should have prepared the needle before we took out the bullet,” Obi-Wan observes dryly.

“Why didn’t you tell me to do that?” Ahsoka asks, her voice going higher in pitch as she desperately tries to thread the needle.

“I was preoccupied, you know, with being shot.”

“That is your own kriffing fault and you know it,” Ahsoka retaliates.

Ahsoka calls on the Force to steady her hand once again. Finally, the thread obeys her commands and pushes through the eye of the needle. With deft fingers, she ties it off.

“Ready?”

From his tight nod, it is clear that Obi-Wan is not ready, but he knows as well as she does that there is little time for hesitation.

“Alright,” Ahsoka says, trying to keep her voice sure and even. “I’ll be quick.”

“I know,” Obi-Wan says.

Ahsoka is true to her word. She finishes the stitches in a manner of a few minutes. By the end of it, Obi-Wan is pale and sweating, but gratitude shines in his eyes.

“Done,” Ahsoka says after she ties off the end of the thread.

“Thank you Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says. “I’ll be sure to come to you the next time I’m shot.”

“You’re impossible. Absolutely impossible. You know that right?”

“Well, Anakin is actually—”

“I’m not talking about Anakin, I’m talking about you,” Ahsoka huffs, suddenly feeling irked by Obi-Wan’s casualness. Now that he has been stitched back together, she has time to feel the anger starting to flood her bloodstream.

“Ahsoka…”

“Everyone thinks Anakin is the reckless one, and maybe he is, but when he’s not around to be the reckless one… Well, it’s like you don’t care if you live or you die.”

Obi-Wan looks down at his bloodstained hands. “Of course I care.”

She stops messing with the medkit and looks Obi-Wan dead in the eyes. “Then why are you always so reckless huh? Do you ever think about what would happen if something happened to you?”

“Life would go on without me, Ahsoka. If it’s the will of the Force…”

“Do not bring ‘the will of the Force’ into this. I’m talking about when you pull stunts like this.”

Obi-Wan is silent — the smooth-talking negotiator finally at a loss for words.

“Master,” Ahsoka says quietly. “If you died… I would be devastated.”

“Ahsoka…”

She doesn’t let him continue. “My feelings aside, think about Anakin. Do you know what would happen to him if he lost you? I can’t watch him go through that for a second time.”

Obi-Wan pales and Ahsoka isn’t sure if it’s from the blood loss or the words she is mercilessly volleying at him. She continues anyway.

“It would almost be worse than losing you. I know how to let go, but he… I don’t know what he would do if he lost you. He can’t… that can’t happen again.”

“I want to tell you it won’t.”

“Then tell me.”

“I can’t,” he says, his jaw tight with either pain or sorrow. Perhaps both.

“Please, just…”

“No. I will not make you a promise I can’t keep. Not while we’re in a war. Not ever.”

“Then promise me something else,” Ahsoka insists, grabbing his hand in hers and looking him directly in his ocean blue eyes.

He looks at her wearily. “What?”

“Promise you’ll stop being so reckless,”

“What did I just say about making promises I can’t keep?” Obi-Wan grins. Ahsoka lightly smacks his shoulder.

“Promise me you’ll try then!” Ahsoka amends.

“I’ll try,” he laughs. “I promise.”

Slowly, Obi-Wan stands up but has to steady himself on a leather handle affixed to the ceiling.

“I would love to continue this conversation,” Obi-Wan says, his voice starting to slur ever so slightly. “But I think I need to lie down. Or throw up. Or both.”

Ahsoka grimaces and hands him a canteen. “Drink,” she says. “You need to stay hydrated.”

“Need to lie down,” he repeats.

“Drink, and then you can lie down.”

Obi-Wan nods and takes a few sips from the offered canteen. He passes it back to her before curling up on a small bunk just outside of the cockpit. A slight shiver racks his frame and Ahsoka grabs a blanket and lays it over him. He hums in contentment.

“Are you going to be okay until we get to the temple?” Ahsoka asks nervously.

“Yes. The adrenaline’s just wearing off and the blood loss is catching up with me. I’ll be okay.” Ahsoka stares at him a moment longer. “I promise,” Obi-Wan adds on.

“You better keep that one.”

“I will.” A pause. “I am sorry,” he says. “I didn’t want to scare you. And I didn’t want to get shot.”

“I know,” Ahsoka says. “Just get some rest. We’ll be home soon.”

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Hey! I literally love your last post so much but I'm confused about the rebels bit (never watched it). How does Rebels criticize the jedi? Thanks!

Aw, thank you! (Lol, this is such an old ask I don’t remember what that post was, but here goes).

Well in s2 Ahsoka, Kanan (a survivor from Order 66) and Ezra (his Padawan) all go to an old Jedi Temple to talk to Yoda about Vader and his Inquisitors (Darksiders who hunt the few remaining Jedi and kidnap Force sensitive kids). Yoda is only there spiritually and the three of them get different visions. Ahsoka sees Anakin as Vader, and Kanan has to fight several enemies and eventually admit he can't protect his Padawan from the world, only guide him (which prompts the vision to finally make him a Jedi Knight, as he survived Order 66 as a Padawan.)

And Ezra... Ugh. Ezra had a previous encounter with Yoda, in which he got his lightsaber crystal. Basically Yoda asked him why he wanted to be a Jedi, and Ezra had to do some self-examination and eventually realized that helping and protecting people made him feel alive, which greatly pleased Yoda who told him he might become a Jedi after all. That's a really great exchange and I love the character development Ezra gets, as he starts by saying he wants never to feel powerless and eventually realizes that's not the right answer.

But in this second encounter, as Ezra asks how they can defeat the Inquisitors, Yoda basically says that fighting is rarely the right path. And to illustrate that, he says that line about the Jedi being arrogant and joining the war swiftly "in their arrogance," which really bothers me. He also says they were "consumed by the Dark Side", which is why they're now gone. In all fairness, he also mentions that they were motivated by fear, which is partially true. 

Now, I write analyses and I try to be intellectually honest about them, because ignoring contradicting stuff weakens your argument instead of helping you. Except this time, I really can't accept this quote. I have an excuse, Lucas wasn't involved in Rebels so it's not the highest canon in my opinion (the 6 movies + TCW are, here are the quotes justifying my position), and I feel like that assertion is out of character for Yoda, ignoring his ST ghost appearances, and also plainly factually incorrect.

I understand that Ezra really needed to be taught not to always seek to fight. At this point, he's still an emotional kid who occasionally struggles with the Dark Side. Not fighting is important to a Jedi's path, so I can understand Yoda's intention. But the example he uses? According to Lucas, the Jedi were drafted in the war. That's not jumping into a conflict out of arrogance, that's literally being dragged there against your will. And sure, there’s Geonosis, but how exactly is rescuing a bunch of your people that’s getting slaughtered by a Sith Lord the same thing as arrogantly jumping into a fight? Like, what’s the option here? Not go, and let an innocent Senator and a bunch of Jedi be murdered?

It's like Rebels!Yoda isn't acknowledging that the war was fake and that a Sith Lord engineered it as the perfect trap (which is recurring problem in Rebels; at one point Ezra, Kanan and Rex have to fight an old Separatist tactical droid and Ezra "solves" the Clone Wars by pointing out that nobody won except the Empire, so really they were on the same side all along, and he gets praised for doing what "a bunch of Jedi, senators and Clones couldn't do," ie getting both sides to talk to each other – except wtf??? setting aside that the Jedi and Rex were aware of the war being fake by the end of it, and that the Separatists were openly led by a Sith Lord and attempted to commit genocide several times in TCW and did commit mass murder, and reduced like several worlds to slavery or starvation and were backed by the worst big corporations you could imagine, the war would NOT have ended if the two sides had tried talking it out. 1) The Senate made it illegal 2) the big corporations arranged for terrorist attacks on both sides the one time they tried to negotiate so the war would drag on and they'd get more money out of it 3) Sidious. Was. Controlling. Everything. What. The. Heck. Would. Have. Been. Accomplished. By. Negotiating.)  Plus the question of whether or not the Jedi should even fight is like... constantly raised by the Jedi during TCW, so I really can’t see it as “oh wow we didn’t even take the time to think and we got killed because of it, we really sucked.” 

Seriously, there’s this S6 quote: 

MACE: Are you sure we are taking the right path? YODA: The right path, no. The only path, yes. Designed by the Dark Lord of the Sith, this web is. For now, play his game, we must.

Like yeah, totally rushing in and being eager to fight lol. Nothing to do with being boxed in and having no alternatives. 

So yeah that's bothers me and I don't think it jibes with the rest of canon. I don't remember Yoda telling Luke (who, in the beginning, is as eager to fight as Ezra is) that the Jedi "disappeared" because of some fault of their own, or because of an eagerness to fight. (Seriously, pussyfooting around the fact that the Jedi were slaughtered grates me.) The OT never, ever, ever implies that the destruction of the Jedi Order was their fault - and unless you assume that the OT is “pro-Jedi propaganda” (*laughs in dumb youtube comments*) then I don’t see Rebels weaving it into its narrative as legitimate.

Again, choosing alternatives to fighting is a great lesson on a personal level, but it doesn't work on the scale of the Rebels/Empire conflict - or the Jedi/Sith one. Ezra should often choose not to fight because of what it'll do to his soul. The Rebels should not stop fighting because there is no cohabitation with something as evil as the Empire. Imo Yoda is always presented as wise enough to know the difference. 

The last thing that makes me think it's out of character is Yoda's spiritual journey in TCW s6. He gets all of his flaws thrown into his face and has to conquer them – he has to face his literal Dark Side and he wins. And yet at no point during that arc is he ever made to conquer his ‘Jedi arrogance’ or whatever. He has to face his worst fear (first vision, all the Jedi dying), let go of his attachments (second vision, him having to accept that he can’t live in a perfect world where everything is beautiful and no one is dead), and reaffirm who he is as a Jedi (third vision, refusing to give up on Anakin and trying to save him rather than to kill Sidious) but at no point is he ever made to recognize that wow, the Jedi are the worst for fighting. 

I’d argue that the very purpose of the visions showing him Order 66 and Anakin falling are to make him accept that these things are completely beyond his control - and as such, not his fault. He doesn’t get to fix things, because the fate of the Order is not in their own hands. It is, in fact, in Anakin’s (from a thematical/narrative standpoint). Yoda has a hard time with it (actually he almost shuts down when he first sees everybody dead and his first reaction is to say that he failed them, so I can’t accept Yoda blaming his grandkids for dying) but he accepts it in the end, when he tells Mace and Obi-Wan he’s not certain one ever wins a war, but they might still find ‘victory for all time’ (referring to balance aka Sidious’ death in RotJ). 

So anyway that’s my beef with Rebels!Yoda. Not hate on Rebels though, there are many parts of it that I really, really love - but some of them kinda infuriate me, and this is one of them. 

[dracowars]

hideaway | anakin skywalker

pairing: anakin x nonjedi!reader

word count: 2,3k

summary: where y/n wants to surprise anakin but is in for a big surprise herself

a/n: anakin owns my whole heart. hope you enjoy it~

warnings: none

universe: star wars

The smell of freshly roasted vegetables and meat fills your nostrils as you turn the stove up a notch, humming to yourself. You are by no means a five star chef, but your cooking skills are still very good. After all, your mother always made sure that you learn from her amazing skills in the kitchen. In the end what matters is how it tastes and until now you have never failed.

You keep checking the time on the clock on the wall, waiting for it to point at a certain time. You can't wait until he finally comes home. You've been counting the days and hours, even minutes until Anakin arrives back from his mission with Obi-Wan on Naboo. Anakin wasn't allowed to tell you anything about the mission of course, so you can only hope that it was a peaceful mission. Not only do you not want him to get injured, but then your planned surprise meal after his return would also be superfluous.

According to your calculation, it should take another half an hour for their spaceship to land on Coruscant, plus the time it takes Anakin to get to his apartment, where you currently are. The mission was scheduled for five days and you spent the entire time in his apartment. He gave you a spare key months ago because he noticed how much you always miss him every time he is not on the planet. In fact, it actually helped. Everything here makes it feel like he is only in the next room and not on a whole different planet and thus makes your fear for him less.

You've thought and talked about moving in together before, but there is one tiny little problem with that: nobody knows about your and Anakin Skywalker's relationship. Since he is a Jedi, a great and powerful one at that, he has to follow the Jedi Code. A Code that governs the behavior of its followers which, in this case, forbids Jedis from forming attachments. While they do not ban romantic feelings in general, Jedi's are not meant to get married or built up a family. Their only task is to bring peace to the galaxy.

And if the Jedi Order finds out about this relationship, it won't end well for neither of you. Until now you've always been able to hide it well, even if there were occasional moments when it almost got blown up. Somehow you always managed to keep it a secret though and you are very happy about that.

You stir the vegetables one more time and then throw yourself onto the large leather couch while you wait. And wait and wait. No matter how long you close your eyes and just breathe in the pleasent smell around you, time still doesn't go by faster.

You just want to hug him again, kiss him again and just be with him. It may have only been five days, but you still feel like you haven't seen him in months when it wasn't even a whole week. You have been a couple for two years now, have known each other for five of them and loved each other for four, and yet you love him like you did on the first day. There is just something special about him that makes your heart flutter every single time.

The way he looks at you, the way his eyes light up when he smiles - god, his whole apperance in general - you can't help but fall in love with him all over again. Anakin Skywalker is the love of your life and you can't imagine him to not be part of your life anymore.

While being indulged in your thoughts you don't even hear the steps approaching the front door at first and the electronic door opening a few seconds later. You jump up from the sofa immediately and are just about to go in the hallway leading directly to the door full of anticipation when you suddenly hear a different voice than Anakin's, which causes you to stiffly pause in your movement.

"I will send report about our successful mission to the Jedi Council instantly", you hear the male voice say, realizing that it is no other than Obi-Wan. Your eyes widen in shock. If Obi-Wan finds you here, in the middle of Anakin's apartment, it's over.

Looking back and forth, you search for a suitable hiding spot. You notice the cupboard at the end of the entrance area that would provide perfect protection, which you can only get to by walking past the hallway while risking to be seen. Since you can't think of anything better in this hurry, you sneak to the hallway as quietly as possible.

You look around the corner carefully just to see both men, still dressed in their full gear, standing in front of the entrance, Obi-Wan holding a holoprojector in his left hand and seemingly struggling with making it work the way he wants. Your gaze wanders to Anakin, who is standing in front of his master and trys to help him with the device. You can't help but stare at him for a few seconds. He looks breathtaking and you can feel your heart skip a beat.

And suddenly it feels like your heart completely stops at the exact moment where Anakins turns around and directly looks at you. The confusion is clearly written on his beautiful face, - which, to your surprise, doesn't have any bad injuries this time - but if you only knew how much he would love to just run to you and take you his his arms tightly, lifting you off the floor. But since Obi-Wan is still in the room, that turns out to be difficult.

With a slight head movement you indicate to the cupboard, Anakin understanding your intention immediately. Just as Obi-Wan looks up, Anakin steps in his way so that there is no possibility for him to spot you. "Let me see the holoprojector, master", Anakin tells him, reaching out for it, distracting him from what you are doing in the background.

You tiptoe across the hallway and climb into the cupboard without making any sound the very moment Anakin got the projector working. The closet is pretty narrow and you even keep your breathing quiet.

"I think I don't tell you this enough but you actually did very good out there. I'm proud of you, Anakin", Obi-Wan tells his Padawan as they walk past you and internally you feel how happy Anakin is about those words. "But was it really necessary to blow up the escaping droids?", Obi-Wan adds with serious tone but lets out a laugh soon after that.

You take in a deep breath which suddenly makes you realize that there still is something you haven't even thought about before: the food. It's still boiling on the stove, spreading a delicious smell through the rooms. How is Anakin supposed to explain that, when he didn't even know about it himself?

"Anakin. You should have listend to me when you- What is this burnt smell?", Obi-Wan interrupts himself while speaking, smelling the same odour as you did moments before. Seconds later you can hear their steps moving away as they run into the kitchen. "What is happening here?! Why is there food cooking?", Obi-Wan shouts but you can't hear more as the sound of steaming water drowns out their conversation. Anakin must have thrown the pan in the sink or otherwise you can't explain where the noise is supposed to be coming from.

"It was probably the.. the cleaning lady! Yes, the cleaning lady must have forgotten it by mistake", Anakin trys to talk his way out of the situation after the noise has quiet down. "Since when do you have a cleaner?", his master asks suspiciously. "Not very long. Since the last.. month?", Anakin explains - or tries to - not really convincingly.

Silence. There is an unbearable silence before Obi-Wan starts laughing out loud all of a sudden. "You should definetely find another one if she almost burns your appartment down. However, I could use one too..", he advises his Padawan and you can hear him coming back, lowering your breath again instantly.

"I better go now and send off the report to the Council. Master Yoda wanted to talk to me later anyway. You still have a bit of cleaning to do and..", Obi-Wan pauses in the middle of his sentence, making your breath hitch. "You should really get that lady out of your closet before she suffocates."

Your whole body stiffens at his words and the door to your hiding place opens. "Hello there", Obi-Wan looks at you expectantly. "Y/N, isn't it?" You nod carefully and look to the ground in shame after climbing out of the closet.

"It's- It's not what it looks like, master", Anakin stutters out and pulls you behind him, protecting you from whatever is coming towards you next. "Well, what does it look like?", Obi-Wan counters and crosses his arms.

You touch Anakin's arm lightly, searching for support, and look past him to Obi-Wan, who is watching you both closely. "I'm waiting", Obi-Wan sighs and puts his arms on his hips. "I don't have all day, you know."

You take all your courage and take a step forward. "It's my fault. I wanted.. I just wanted to surprise Anakin and welcome him back home", you explain with a low voice, not daring to look at Obi-Wan directly. "That still doesn't explain why you are in his appartment in the first place", he says with raised eyebrows and you look back at Anakin.

Anakin looks like he's contemplating about what to do next and then takes your hand in his as he made his decision, standing next to you now. "Master. I'm in love with Y/N and she loves me. We.. secretly dated and got together. I wanted to tell you. I always wanted to tell you, but there just wasn't the right opportunity and-"

"And you thought it would be better to not tell me about this at all? Ever?", Obi-Wan finishs Anakin's sentence. "Where do you think you are going with this? You know the Jedi Code, Anakin. You broke the rules."

"This stupid code is totally outdated and unnecessary anyway! We never meant to fall in love with each other, sometimes it just happens. We knew the day would come when someone finds out about us. We know that it.. has no future. But you can't just turn off your feelings. It is not possible", you rant and feel Anakin's hold on your hand tighten. "Please don't tell the Jedi Council and please don't throw Anakin out. You can punish me, but not him. He dedicated all his life to the Jedi Code and.. I don't want his life to get destroyed because of me."

You feel yourself get pulled to the side harshly. "What are you even saying, Y/N?! Stop that nonsense!", Anakin whisper-yells at you. "I can't live with the thought that I will destroy your future, Ani. I could never be happy agai-"

"Who said I would tell anyone?", Obi-Wan interrupts you two, making both of you look at him in confusion. "Listen, I don't support Anakin's or your actions but what happend, happend, we can't change that and I'm actually kind of happy that Anakin found someone who stays by his side."

Your mouth opens wide in shock and you look at him with pure disbelieve. "You.. what?", Anakin bursts out, seeming equally shocked and confused. "Why shouldn't I be happy for my Padawan, who is like a brother to me, when he finds the right woman, maybe his soulmate?", Obi-Wan tells you and the corners of his mouth rise. "I won't tell anyone about it, but you have to be really careful. If Master Windu oder Master Yoda find out about your relationship, I won't be able to help you. It will be over. You can be glad that it's just me who found out."

Without thinking twice, you happily hug Obi-Wan and Anakin does the same. "Thank you, Obi-Wan", Anakin smiles and lays an arm around your waist as soon as you move away from Obi-Wan. "I'll correct what I said earlier: You both still have a lot to clean up. Enjoy yourselves", Obi-Wan giggles and turns around to go back to the elevator.

Before he leaves though, he turns around one last time. "And for your information: I already felt that she is in here before we even got into the apartment. Good evening", Obi-Wan bows down slightly and leaves.

Silence spreads again, but this time a pleasant one. "What did just happen?", Anakin asks and shakes his head to get a clear thought, brushing through his hair with his mechanical hand. "I have no idea but I think we got away with it", you answer and turn to look at him, both of his hands now on each side of your waist.

"I missed you so much, Anakin", you smile and take in every feature of his beautiful structured face. Your hand comes up to his cheek and you softly stroke over his skin with your thumb. "I missed you more", he whispers and turns his face to lightly kiss the inside of your hand, which makes you giggle. He slowly leans in and finally connects your lips again. His scent flows around you and your hand clings to his brown locks.

When he breaks the sensual kiss, he leans his forehead against yours and smiles at you gently. You can feel his hands sneak around your hip as he suddenly lifts you off the floor and spins you around a few times, making you both laugh. After he puts you onto the ground again, he pecks your lips one more time before retreating completely, only keeping your hands connected.

"So, you wanted to surprise me with food?", he teases with that stupid smile on his face that you love so much. Feeling offended, you hit his arm playfully. In response, he chuckles and just pulls you behind him into the kitchen, where you clean up the mess you made before settling yourself up on the couch, cuddling for the rest of the day.

[writer1]

A regretful Wolf and his Beauty

Chapter Ten

Beast!Rex x Fem!reader

Summary: As punishment for his actions, young prince Rex was cursed to become a monster by a witch. The only thing that saved him from his fate was an enchantress, who gave him a condition. He has to find true love in order to redeem himself and he only has until the last petal of the enchanted rose falls. Rex's family helps you by guiding your way into his heart. Rex's fate now lies in your hands.

A/N: This is a collaborative fic with @ahsokatano-thetogruta.

Warnings: Sickness, weakness, mention of injury.

Rex leans against the counter, thinking about what he did. He feels so bad, he knows what he did was so wrong, he was just so desperate that he didn’t think about the consequence of what he said to you. “Hey?” Rex looks down to see Cody nudge his leg, he sighs. 

“I was such an idiot to say that to her Cody, I… I didn’t even think about her taking it seriously, I really am a monster.” Cody’s heart breaks and he sighs. “You are not a monster Rex, you made a mistake, we all do. She's okay, we figured it out soon enough. She’s eating right now.” Rex nods, feeling better to know that you’re eating.

“Rex!!!” Rex and Cody turn to see Fives and Echo run in, they look worried. “What’s wrong!! Did she do something to you!!!” Rex asks in fear, but the two shake their heads.

“We went into her room when she didn't collect her food. She's asleep right now and she doesn't look well at all.” Fives explains, making the guilt stab right through Rex's heart. “We think she's feeling a little sick from not eating for the past few days.” Echo adds.

At that moment, Kix and Jesse had flown in “Is everything alright?” Jesse asks them, seeing how guilty Rex looks. “Well, we found out earlier that the girl hasn't eaten anything since she arrived. Now she isn't feeling too well. Fives and Echo have just told us.”

Kix's eyes widen. “What?! Where is she now?” He turns to the twins. “She's in her room right now, sleeping. She looks pale too.” Fives explains.

Kix thinks that finding out how you haven't had food yet isn't important, all that matters is making sure you are okay and not too poorly. “Right, could you take me to her room, please? I need to make sure that her health hasn't faltered too much.” The twins nod as they lead the way out of the kitchen. 

Cody decides to follow them, but before he leaves the kitchen, he realizes that Rex isn't following them. “Rex'ika, are you coming with us?” Rex just shakes his head as his ears press back against his head, whining a little. “She won't want a monster like me to be around her…”

“It's okay. It's not all your fault that this happened, we should have checked on her too, but after what happened to Echo we were scared.” Cody shuffles closer to Rex. “But it can be different now, we can help her.” Rex looks at his older brother, knowing that what he's saying is right and then nods his head. 

“Okay, I'll go with you.” Rex follows Cody to the others who are on the way to your room. Rex and everyone walks into your room to see you laying in your bed, your armor is on and you’re curled up in a fetal position. Rex feels worry filling him at the sight of you.

“Is she okay, Kix?” Rex turns to see Jesse climbing up on Cody, his face that Kix drew on him has an expression of worry. None of them know how Jesse can animate his face so that it makes any expression and his mouth can move when he talks, but it does.

Kix flies up to you, looking you over, you are really pale and none of them know how you can sleep in your armor. You let out a tiny, raspy cough, Rex hears how sickly it sounds. “ I don’t think that this is because of her not eating, at least, not fully.” Rex doesn’t like the sound of that, at least before they knew how to fix it.

“So what should we do, Kix?” Cody asks, he’s really worried about you. Kix sighed, turning to Rex. ”I need you to come feel her forehead, Rex.”

Rex’s ears press against the back. “I don’t think that she would want me to touch her.” Rex tells him, but Kix just huffs. “Tough, none of us can feel the temperature right, I need to know if she has a fever. And my thermometer is downstairs and it will waste time to get it!” Rex sighs, but he listens to Kix and walks over to you.

Rex presses his hand softly against your forehead. He can feel the sweat wet his fur but what’s worse is the heat radiating off of you. “She’s burning hot Kix, she definitely has a fever.”

Kix hums, he knows what’s wrong with you now. “I’m almost positive that she has the flu, she was looking for her father in the cold, and probably rain, I’ll have to ask her how long when she wakes up, the dungeon probably didn’t help either, plus not eating. Can anyone explain why she wasn’t eating?” Rex rubs the back of his neck.

“I… When she first got here, I told her that if she doesn’t eat with me… that she wouldn’t eat at all.” Kix and Jesse's eyes widen. “Rex… Why would you say that?” Rex’s ears press against his head again.

“I… I don’t know, Jesse. I was mad at her attitude towards me and how rude she was being that I just said it, then I forgot about it and assumed that she was eating at night.” Rex looks down, Fives hops over and rubs Rex’s leg with his candle. 

Kix sighs. “Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. Now I’m going to need some help getting her armor off.” Rex is the only one out of all of them who knows how to take the armour off because Anakin has shown him how before.“I can.” His hands are shaking a little with nerves, but he does the best that he can to keep them steady. 

The position that you're in is going to make it difficult to take your armour off, so he gently picks you up slightly to move you flat onto your back. He removes the gauntlets first, followed by the biceps and shoulders. He moves onto the breastplate, unclipping the straps and then sits you up to slide the backplate from underneath you. He places the pieces of armour on top of Cody for now. Next is the bottom half of the armour. He takes off your boots carefully and then the armour protecting your shins, knees and thighs, carefully unclipping each one. Placing the last bits of armour with the rest on Cody, he sighs with relief.

“Thank you, Rex. Would you be able to get some cold water in a bowl along with a cloth, please? To help bring down her temperature.” Rex nods at Kix, walking into the connected refresher to your room. While he fills up the small bowl, he hears shuffling about in the bedroom. Rex grabs a cloth, soaking it in the water, and then walks back out. 

“Where's Cody?” Rex is puzzled but places the bowl of cold water on the table beside you. “He's taking her armour to Obi Wan to be cleaned up a little.” Jesse says, hoping off of the table and onto the bed, far away from the water. He doesn't want to get wet because otherwise his little paper body would just rip apart. 

“Echo, could you go and ask Gregor to make some soup? It'll help to make her feel better while she heals.” Echo nods and waddles out of the room and down the hall. Kix turns back to Rex “Okay, could you wring out the cloth a little so it's just damp and then place it on her forehead please, Rex?” Rex appreciates that Kix is helping him with what to do, he's never had to do this before. He grabs the cloth and squeezes out some of the water so it's just damp. The only problem is, his fur is getting soaked, but he doesn't mind. All that matters is making sure that you feel better soon. He places it gently on your forehead. You feel the coolness from the cloth, making your eyes begin to flutter open.

You look up to see the monster in your room, you let out a tiny gasp of surprise and fear, then you try to scoot away. “Wait-!” Rex tries to stop you, but you’re too weak to move anyway. You still struggle to try to get up, no matter how weak you are. 

Kix flies straight up to your face. “Lay back down, now! You’re too weak and sick to move.” you look at the pen in shock. “I’ve either gone crazy or I’m dreaming.” you whisper weakly to yourself, making Rex chuckle. “No, it’s not either of those. Now lay down, you’re sick and need rest.” Rex tenderly uses his hands to lay you back down, you’re way too weak to even attempt to stop him. 

“Good, how are you feeling miss…” you look up at the talking pen, noting the concerned look on his face. “Shiny… I’m Shiny. And I feel like I’m going to throw up.” Kix nods. “Yeah, you will be feeling like that for a while. May I ask when the last time you ate was, Miss Shiny?”

“You can just call me Shiny, the last time I ate was probably the day before I arrived here. It took me a while to find this castle.” Kix hums, he is not happy at all about how long you went without eating. “Okay, we’re getting you some soup so you should be okay.” you nod, then turn to Rex.

“Why are you helping me?” you ask in confusion, your voice is very quiet and weak, making Rex’s ears press back in guilt. “I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that you had to eat with me or starve. You are allowed to eat whenever you want from now on. I promise.” Your eyes widen in surprise, you didn’t expect that. “I… Thank you, I’m sorry for being so rude and stubborn.”

You look down at yourself, realizing that you aren’t wearing your armor anymore, all you’re wearing now is your underclothes and Kama. You feel nervous. “Where's my armor?” You ask quietly, you hate feeling so vulnerable. You try to get up again but end up in a coughing fit.

“You have to sit her up now!” Kix looks at Rex and uses an alarming tone, causing Rex to place a hand on your back to sit you up right. He keeps it there to keep you steady while you keep on coughing. Fives hops as quick as he can to the refresher and back again with a glass of water, placing it on the table beside you. A moment later, your coughing calms down and you gesture to Rex for the glass of water. He hands it over to you, but he notices your hand shaking. “Would you like me to hold it for you while you drink?” 

You feel embarrassed that you can't hold it by yourself, but you nod, despite how vulnerable you feel. Rex tips the glass ever so slightly, bringing it closer to your mouth. The cold water soothes your throat as you take small sips at a time, in case you start coughing again. You pull away from the glass and Rex places it back down. “Thank you.” You give him a weak smile, wobbling a little as your energy begins to deplete again. “Woah, steady.” Rex's tone is much softer now as he lays you back down on the bed, positioning the pillow better beneath your head. 

“Sorry, I never asked you your names.” you feel bad that you've told them your name but you haven't asked who they are yet. “It's alright, I'm Rex. The pen is Kix, Fives is the candelabra over there and this is Jesse.” The little paper man pops up from behind one of the pillows at the end of the bed. “It's nice to meet you all-”

“I've got the soup, it's still nice and hot.” Echo calls out to Kix, handing the soup to Rex who puts the bowl on the table. You peer over the bed to the ground to see a pendulum clock. Echo freezes when he catches you looking at him, then he screams and hides behind the end of the bed. Fives goes over to his twin to comfort him. You look at Rex with a nervous look. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare him.” Rex sadly smiles. “It's alright, it's not your fault. A few days ago, when your father was here, he had taken a gear out of Echo, over there, which made him suffer in a lot of pain.”

“Oh gosh. I am so sorry that happened. My papa, he... he's an inventor so he didn't mean any harm, he is just very interested in how a variety of different things work.” Rex frowns a little as he replays the memory back in his mind. “Maybe, but my brother was in a lot of pain.” You can understand why Rex is upset about what happened, the thought of losing his brother must've been scary. 

The sound of whispering voices could be heard from behind the bed, stopping just before the little clock, Echo, steps out into your view again. You can see a guilty look on his face “I'm sorry that I screamed. I didn't know that you were awake.” You do your best to smile kindly at Echo even though you don’t feel good.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for frightening you. It’s very nice to meet you Echo. I’m Shiny.” You weakly hold your finger out to him, and he takes it softly and shakes it. “It’s very nice to meet you, Shiny.” you smile at the clock, you find him adorable. You look over at the soup.

“Is that for me?” You ask and Rex nods, he picks it up. “Do you need help eating it?” He asks quietly, you want to eat it yourself but you’re so weak. “Yes, please.” Rex grabs the spoon, picking up a little and bringing it to your lips carefully. “Make sure you take little sips, it’s not good to eat fast after going so long without food.” Kix warns and you nod to the pen, taking tiny sips slowly off of the spoon. This continues until you eat about half the bowl.

“I’m full, thank you. It was really good.” Rex smiles. “I’ll have to tell Gregor that you liked it.” You smile, but do your best to  keep your guard up, you still don’t trust Rex fully after what happened in the beginning. “Where’s my armor? I remember wearing it when I fell asleep.” Rex rubs the back of his neck.

“I had to take it off of you, It’s not very good for you to wear it all the time, especially while sleeping. My brother Cody took it to be cleaned, we have a couple of Knights here, so they’ll take good care of it.” You nod, glad to know that it’s being taken care of. “I’ll have to thank them, my armor hasn’t been cleaned in a while.” You feel your eyes grow heavy and before Rex or anyone knows it, you’ve fallen asleep.

“Is she going to be okay, Kix?” Rex asks, he feels really bad for leaving you without food still. Kix hums. “She should be okay as long as she has lots of fluids and rest. It will probably take a week or two for her to be in tip top shape.” Rex feels relief fill him, he finds that he likes you, only as a friend right now though. He hopes to make it up to you once you’re better.

Rex hears shuffling and Cody comes in, free of the armor. “How is she doing?” Rex smiles at his brother. “You actually just missed her, she woke up, ate and fell back to sleep.” Cody hums happily. “That's good, I’m glad that she got something to eat.” 

“Yeah, I am too...Kix said it'll take her a couple of weeks until she fully recovers, so we'll have to watch over her, keep on checking on her every now and then.” Rex looks at you again, you look so peaceful as you sleep. “How did it go when she woke up?” Cody asks, unsure of how you reacted.

“She was a little frightened and confused at first, but she soon calmed down once we started to talk to her. I told her our names, you as well, and she said that her name is Shiny.” Cody feels himself smile. “It's a fitting name, it sounds more like a nickname, but it suits her. Being a knight and all.” Rex nods, agreeing.

“Yeah, I agree. It's a nice name for her.” Rex smiles as he decides to lay you down into a better position to sleep tonight. “Maybe we should let her rest for tonight now?” Everyone else in the room nods as they make their way out. Rex looks back, seeing you roll over onto your side and snuggle into the sheets. He shuts the door quietly and sighs happily with relief. Looking down, he sees the discarded sandwiches still on the tray on the floor, so he picks it up and takes it to the kitchen to be put in the fridge. He'll take them to you tomorrow if you are feeling any better.

xxx

Obi Wan is scrubbing away the dirt from your armour while Anakin finishes off the cleaning by polishing each piece with care.

Anakin starts some conversation “I can't believe there's another knight in the castle now. It's pretty exciting!” Obi Wan  smiles “Yes, you're right. It's a shame that she is sick though.” They remember when Cody brought you armour to them to be cleaned up a bit, also saying about how you weren't feeling too well. 

“I hope she feels better soon, it would be great to talk to another knight.” Obi Wan chuckles a little at Anakin's enthusiasm. “It would indeed.”

xxx

Rex wakes up to a scream, he already knows that it’s yours. He jumps out of the bed and runs on all fours to your room. As soon as he opens the door he sees you, writhing around on your bed, with tears in his eyes. You’re still asleep, screaming out and whimpering. 

Rex runs over to you, placing his hands gently on your shoulders. “Shiny! Shiny wake up, you’re having a nightmare!” You gasp as you wake up, then you go into what Rex knows is battle mode and start to punch him. It hardly hurts him at all since you’re so weak, but he’s more worried about you making yourself sicker by using up your energy.

“Shiny! Calm down, it’s me Rex. I… I won’t hurt you, I promise.” You finally realize what's happening and stop fighting Rex, relaxing as he lays you back down. You feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I’m sorry for waking you.” You whisper, feeling bad. You don’t know why you feel bad for waking Rex, he’s only just started being nice to you and you hated his gut’s only yesterday.

“It’s fine, I’ve had nightmares before too.” Rex hates seeing you upset, he doesn’t know why but he wants to hold you. He wants to comfort you. You nod. “Is it okay if I go back to sleep now, I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

“You don’t need to ask, go ahead. If you need anything just call, someone will hear you.” you nod, turning over and curling up to go to sleep. Rex smiles at the sight, leaving your room and closing the door gently, as not to disturb you. 

He heads back to his bed, curling into the blankets. Rex wonders what you were dreaming about that was so horrible, he’s already decided to keep an ear out for you, just in case.

xxx

The next morning, you feel a little groggy and under the weather, but you focus on how comfortable the bed is to take your mind off of your fever. You shuffle in the bed so you are sitting upright, rubbing your eyes as the morning sun shines through the slightly ajar curtains. Muffled voices could be heard from behind your door, so you try your best to concentrate on what they are saying.

“They're awake, I just heard them.” “Anakin, we need to let them rest.” “But, Obi-Wan…” 

You chuckle a little before calling as loud as your scratchy voice can go. “It's alright, you can come in if you'd like?” The voices stop muttering to each other just before the door opens. 

Your eyes widen in excitement at the two suits of armour standing at the door. There isn't much difference between them, except what they have on their helmets. One of them has a piece of brown cloth attached to the helmet and the other has orange feathers coming out of the top. “Hello there, you must be the girl everyone has been talking about. You're a knight too?” The one with orange feathers asks and you nod.

“Yes, my name is Shiny. It's good to meet you…” you pause for them to tell you their names. “Oh apologies, my name is Obi Wan. This here is-”

“Anakin, I'm Anakin.” the one with the brown cloth steps forward to you, holding out his hand for a friendly hand shake. You smile and shake his hand. “Wow, a female knight!” 

“Why are you surprised?” You asked, an expression of confusion on your face. “It’s just been a while since we’ve seen one.” You nod, it makes sense. “Yeah, female knights aren’t well liked so I understand that it’s been a while.”

Anakin and Obi Wan glance at each other. “What do you mean, there's nothing wrong with female knights, what do you mean that they aren’t well liked?” Obi Wan asks and you look at the two suits of armor, surprised. “Is it different here? In my village, women aren’t supposed to be knights, it's considered abnormal and odd. I’m the only female knight in my village, and I’ve never seen another one come through either.”

Obi Wan and Anakin would have an expression of anger if they could, but you could feel the anger in the force. “That’s not right, anyone can be a knight as long as they train. Your village sounds horrible.” 

You nod, sighing. “Believe me, it is. I’ve been called odd my whole life in the village, and teased by the male Knights. It’s not fun.” Obi Wan walks over, placing a hand on your shoulder. “That’s not right, my dear. They have no right to treat you that way, may I ask who trained you in the force?” Obi Wan’s already sensed that you were force sensitive, that was very clear.

“None of the knights in my village wanted to train me. The only one who would was a retired Knight who worked at a bookshop, we had to train in secret, since no one liked me using the force so I’m not as trained as I would like to be.” Obi Wan is not happy at all about how your village had treated you, it was abuse! “You know, me and my fellow knight’s can help train you? If you would like?”

“Really? That would be amazing, thank you! You don't mind do you?” Obi Wan shakes his head. “Not at all, dear. We'd be more than happy to train you, wouldn't we, Anakin?” The night named Anakin nods his head enthusiastically. 

“Of course! It'll be great to have another knight to hang out with.” You smile at him, thankful that they are kind enough and willing to teach you skills that the knights in your village refused to teach you. “Thank you, I appreciate it.” You cover a cough, you still don’t feel well at all.

The door swings open again, two more knights appearing. One has feathers like Obi Wan's, but instead of orange ones they are brown. The other knight has a Kel dor shaped helmet, he carries a tray with a pot of tea and four little teacups. “Good morning, Miss. I thought you'd like some tea?” The Kel dor offers.

“That would be lovely, thank you.” Your voice is a little croaky, but hopefully a hot cup of tea will help it. The knight slowly tips the teapot to fill a little teacup, carefully picking it up and handing it to you. You take it from him and sip some of the hot warm, making sure you don't burn your mouth. 

When you pull it away from your mouth, you notice a small scratch and when you look closer, the teacup has eyes and a mouth. “Hi there. You're so adorable.” You chuckle when the little teacup shows a grumpy expression.

“I-I'm not cute!” He tries his hardest to be annoyed, but he feels a bit flustered from the compliment. The other three teacups on the tray laugh at Wolffe.

“You really do look adorable as a teacup, Ori’Vod.” One of the teacups says and you chuckle as the one in your hand pouts. “I’m not cute, Comet. I’m 21 years old, too old to be cute.” Everyone chuckles at Wolffe, and you stroke the scratch over his eye, making him hum.

“Well I don’t think that you can ever be too old to be called cute, and you’re all adorable, not just Wolffe.” The other three’s mouths open wide, as the Kel dor looking knight chuckles. “All four of you are adorable.” You smile at how sweet the Keldor is to all of them, he then turns to you.

“I’m sorry, I never told you my name. I am Plo Koon, but you can just call me Plo. and these are my son’s.” he gestures to all four of the teacups. “You already met Wolffe, these two are the twins, Boost and Sinker, they’re twenty years old. And this is my youngest, Comet, he’s 18.” 

You smile at the teacups. “Well it’s very nice to meet you, Plo. and it was very nice meeting these three as well.” You smile at the little teacups, finding them absolutely adorable. “So, you’re a Knight like Buir?” Wolffe asks and you nod.

“Great! We haven’t had another Knight in years, by the way, what's your name?” You internally facepalm when you realize that you never told Plo or his kids your name. “Sorry, my name’s Shiny.” Wolffe and his brother’s smile, they like the name.

“That’s a nice name, Shiny.” Comet tells you, hopping over. “Yeah, its so cool!” Boost hops over as well.

“That is a very pretty name, Miss Shiny. Its a pleasure to meet you.” You smile at the Kel dor, then you turn to the other Knight that came in with him. “Hello, What’s your name?” You ask, noticing that this Knight is quieter than the rest.

“My name's Kanan, it's nice to meet you Shiny.” The kind tone to his voice makes you smile. He wishes that he could smile back at you, but it's been years now that he's gotten used to just showing his emotions through his words. “It's great to meet another knight. It's been a long time, how are you feeling?” He asks as you take another sip from the little tea cup still sat in your hands.

“I'm feeling a bit better after this drink, thank you.” You smile at Plo and he nods back at you. 

“So how did you get your name, Shiny? It sounds more like a nickname.” Anakin asks inquisitively. “It is a nickname, the male knights in the village always picked on me and called me that. I guess it kinda grew on me, and it wasn't long before my whole village was calling me Shiny. My given name is y/n.” Anakin frowns a little, feeling sorry that he made you bring up the other knights who would pick on you.

“I'm sorry that they weren't very nice to you. We'll definitely have to help you train and teach you loads of new skills for sure!” You smile gratefully at the suit of armor. “Thank you so much, that would be amazing.” You hand Wolffe back over to Plo and join his brothers.

The knight named Obi Wan turns to you “So, what name would you prefer us to call you by?” 

“I prefer my nickname, Shiny, over my given name.” You explain to them as they share a small nod with each other. “Great, we'll call you by that then, Shiny.” Obi Wan's cheery voice makes you smile once again. You lay down against the bed, you’re starting to feel weak again. The knights leave to let you rest, they all wish you well.

A few moments later, a pen floats through the door followed by a paper bird gliding through the air. Kix hovers near you “Good morning, Shiny. How are you feeling today? You look a lot better.” Kix asks and you nod. “Yes, I'm feeling better after having some food and some sleep thank you. I am starting to feel weak again, but I had quite a few visitors this morning.”

You watch the little paper bird circling around the bed a few times, and before it lands, it unfolds and folds back up into a paper man. “Mornin', Shiny.” you realise who this is now as he moved the ink around on his face to create his features. “Morning, Jesse. That was amazing! How do you do that?”

“Well I kinda just imagine whatever I want to fold into and then it happens.” He chuckles to himself, not really knowing himself how he can do the things that he can do with moving the ink around his paper body and folding himself into multiple shapes and figures. “That's so cool.” 

Jesse smiles at you once he folds himself back into a human shape. “It definitely is!” you then turn to Kix.

“So Kix, how did you become a doctor?” You ask the pen, trying to make conversation. Kix looks up at you smiling. “It was about thirteen years ago that I finished my training, Jesse here was actually my first patient. He was supportive of me all the way, even though our parents weren’t exactly thrilled.”

“That’s interesting, do you mind if I ask how Jesse was injured.” Jesse looks down in embarrassment while Kix chuckles. “Jesse and a few of our cousins were having a snowball fight, he ended up getting a black eye and I had to take care of him, he was my first patient while I was… Younger.” You heard Kix’s pause, but from his story you already know why and what he was going to say.

“You mean when you were human?” You ask, making Kix and Jesse’s eyes go wide. “How do you…?” Kix asks, making you smile even though you don’t feel well.

“It was pretty easy to figure out from your story, a pen wouldn’t be able to become a doctor and a piece of paper can’t get a black eye. Or play in the snow.” Kix and Jesse glance at each other, you were not supposed to find out, Rex is not going to be happy. At all.

“Will you excuse us, Shiny. I’ll be back in a little bit to give you a checkup.” You nod and both of them fly out of the room, Jesse folding himself into a bird again. You wonder what’s going to happen now. You lay down and decide to get some rest, hoping to find out the answer when you wake up.

Taglist:  @lightning-wolffe  @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life  @ellie1366 @pinkiemme @trash-dino-5000 @captainrexisboo

[whumpbby]

I finished typing and now I feel I have to preface it with a: this is all a monologue about Jedi and Force and Lucas’ inability to show the good story he wants to tell - just a warning. This is in no way meant to contradict the other post with that quote floating around or argue against it - just my own rambling coming to a conclusion I keep struggling with when it comes to SW universe and the ways it makes no sense to me and how I feel deep in my bones that Lucas is a crap storyteller.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know why, but for all the interesting concepts Lucas talks about, Anakin’s fall never sat well with me. In time I came to the conclusion I would respond better if the Jedi culture surrounding it wasn’t so contradictory to itself.

And if he wasn’t so heavily leaning on the concept of the ‘pure love’ that is unconditional and undemanding and ‘unselfish’. Tldr: that love does not exist outside of poetry and romance dramas and imagination. Like every other emotion humans feel, love is conditional.

Take the first trilogy - I got that. The Jedi were largely missing and there was not much lore-wise, but the vibe it gave was measured and peaceful and mindful, and all the things that stood against the Empire - that represented the Dark Side in a very concise way. It wasn’t too nuanced, so we could buy it in this very simple ‘princes kidnapped b ya dragon’ story. This is as good as Lucas gets.

But then the prequels happened and Jedi became this weird, extremely specific, but conflicting idea. They are not supposed to take sides in politics - except when they do. They are not supposed to kill - except when they do, with freaking relish. They are not supposed to love or hate or allow emotions dictate their ways - oh, except when they do. And they can have sex - just not sex with someone they want to settle down with (oh boy, is that a signifier of a story written by a guy or what?). All seems to be ‘except when they do, as long as it can be adequately justified to make them look good’.

And I do have an issue with the idea of ‘Anakin was too old to join, he was already attached to his mother’ which is, when you think about it, is insane. Learning to control your emotions and letting go of your wants, Buddhist way, fine.

Aiming to train children to not be attached to their parents? What? How young a child has to be for that attachment forms? How is a meditation and repeating mantras going to help a 5-year old who is missing their mom at the temple? How do you even expect to train a child out of missing their mom??? How is it NOT better to get an older child that can reason above the instinctual and hardwired need for their mother? 

But let’s say Anakin’s attachment to his mother was ‘selfish’ from the beginning - but, that’s the thing, was it? Was it really? They were slaves and she was his only family, okay, obviously that made his attachment stronger and more layered than, say, a normal middle-class Coruscanti kid who could love their mom without constant fear that any day they can be separated forever by someone who didn’t give a shit. In that sense, yes, Anakin was desperately attached to his mom and afraid of loosing her - there was fear in him. Right, I’m there with you, Yoda.

But the movies show us that the way Jedi seem to approach these hard subjects is by not approaching them at all - oh, well, we can’t take him in. He had a difficult childhood and there are issues attached, get him out of here.

In a galaxy full of races and issues and the Force being tied to any and all creatures in any and all circumstances - this was the hard line Jedi were drawing. In essence, either only accepting kids young enough to not remember their parents (and I see absolutely no issues whatsoever that could happen here, nope) or with childhoods perfect enough not to have any issues whatsoever. Anyone else? Adults that discovered Force when they were older? Kids like Anakin with hard childhoods? Creatures that were either culturally or chemically wired differently enough that the tight reins Jedi held over their emotions weren’t possible for them? Nope. Go away. You are a bad person in the making.

If you spend a moment contemplating, you will realise this is such a white privileged guy way to think about it. And if you stick your head into the microwave for a couple seconds, you can almost understand how Lucas thought this is something profound and mystical.

No that I think about it... I always thought Sith were freaking clowns - their philosophy makes no sense, their ‘rule of two’ is hilarious, everything about them is just so badly designed and thought out, and who would ever decide to join of that creepy cult of their own volition? It made no sense!

But, as an answer to the egalitarian and contradictory ways of the Jedi - Sith make all the sense to exist. And let’s forget about the Light and Dark (that I don’t believe exist above the ways of personal emotional expression that in time trains the Force around a person in certain ways - like a person can train their brain in and out of anxiety ofr example), but focusing strictly on philosophy - yeah, being a Sith makes sense when any other way is barred form someone by no fault of their own. And barred with an excuse they are a bad seed anyway. 

“You fear/hate/desire hence you can’t access the Force with us” = “Well fuck you, then, I will access the Force in my own way, using these exact emotions!”

Like, Sith are clowns, but Jedi suck in their own very special way and their fall was just waiting to happen.

I get a strange feeling that Lucas created Jedi as a class of a warrior monk in DnD and then scrambled to create their enemies out of the simplest contradictions. Light-dark. Love-Hate. Peace-Fear. Etc. But because Jedi were so simple - once they started to gain popularity and he had to expand their lore and layer on the philosophy, he hit a wall. Or rather, the bottom of the kiddy pool. Because a ‘warrior monk’ is not an a ‘good’ class, but he wanted them to be mostly warriors, but also a force of good in the galaxy, because Star Wars is the same simple story repeated again and again with a new set of characters (regardless of how much fake politics is thrown in to obscure that fact) so this whole universe is basically built on giving Jedi reasons to fight and kill, and adequately justifying them. And then the Dark Side had to catch up by being more ridiculously evil at every turn - accidentally unmasking the way Jedi philosophy falls apart under closer scrutiny.

So like, to make a full circle, the one thing the prequels did well was to show Anakin’s fall (and I am not gonna argue, it was effective and he is a villain of this story) but they also presented - I think against the creator’s intention - why it was pretty much inevitable. Not because Palpatine was there to whisper poison, or because Force itself strived for ‘balance’ (even though the latter is a hilarious idea I love to contemplate) - but because Jedi, as presented in the movies-media around them, as a philosophy and way of life is inherently contradictory and unsustainable from the point of being a, well, a breathing, thinking being.  The ‘selfish love’ argument would work so much better if it wasn’t presented with an example of a kid who was born a slave and the people who saw it as a strike against his character, and did very little to address the specific issues that could arise from that before it was too late. 

Would it fucking kill them to let go of their strict training routine and ensure that his specific emotional needs were met? That Shimi was, I don’t know, NOT A SLAVE. They seem to interfere into politics just fine when need arises - but not when it’s a sandy planet in the ass-end of the universe no one cares about. Then no, we can’t liberate one slave. That would be acting in self-interest - not in the interest of not allowing one of the strongest members of out order to fall into the ruin we have forseen form the beginning. 

It would work better is if Anakin’s ‘selfishness’ was presented as his inability to let Padme leave him for someone else/just leave him - not to be unwilling to let her die.  

Think about it for a moment - he wasn’t presented with the idea of Padme leaving him. With the idea of his mother not loving him anymore. He was firmly and, form his point of view, believably, presented with the idea of both of them DYING. Which actually happened to his mom, solidifying the fear in his mind.

Yes, he was not meant to go on a rampage and kill the ones who killed Shimi - but wasn’t he? The Jedi are not against killing. Only killing in self-interest I guess - when self-interest is not one’s life and their political affiliation or their ‘job’ at hand, that is. Revenge is a no-no, but a military retaliation is a yes-go. Can’t kill anyone who wronged me - but I can kill those who wronged a person who gives me orders. How does that work within a Jedi doctrine? 

How, in good conscience, can you present this scenario, George, and then try to spin it into this big philosophical bullcrap about unselfish love????  Jedi murdered people over political squabbles - but I guess that’s okay because they weren’t invested??? And that’s better?!?!? George! What the fuck! You are such a bloke my head hurts!

In case of Anakin, Jedi were essentially Elsa’s parents. I pretty much despise Elsa and the film she crawled out of, and I personally don’t like Anakin as a character either, so this is not stanning in any way, but their issues scream ‘I was raised by well-meaning idiots’ and shows the level of botched storytelling I just can’t reconcile.

Which, you know what? 

Luke, who spent years studying Jedi ways and taking them into himself? 

I can believe than this Luke would try to kill his nephew at the barest whiff of the Dark Premonition instead of helping him manage his motions in a somewhat healthy way - that seems to be exactly what a real Jedi would do, after all. 

[padme-amitabha]

Are you still taking prompts? If yes, can you write a Hogwarts AU for Anidala?

Sure! I never stopped taking prompts btw. I’m still willing to write them, especially if it’s with Anidala. 

*

Getting Padmé alone was proving to be a Herculean task. She was always surrounded by her Gryffindor girl squad. Anakin wasn’t ashamed to admit he was a little intimidated by them, particularly by her best friend Sabé (who always looked like she wanted to hex him into oblivion). Padmé herself was one of the sweetest and most amiable people to be around and despite his nervousness, Anakin wasn’t very worried.

As Head Girl and captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, she was very popular but so was Anakin, in a sense (among the Slytherins). There were rumors about him being the child of the prophecy and Anakin made sure to work extra hard in his classes. He wanted to make his mother proud – his mother who had raised him all by herself. As a second year, he was one of the youngest Seekers in the history of Hogwarts and by fifth year, he was already one of the most skilled duelists in Hogwarts.

In his first game (a heated Gryffindor vs Slytherin match), he had been hit by a particularly nasty Bludger, much to the amusement of the Gryffindor team. He had been so embarrassed by their jeers and teasing, he didn’t mind spending the next few days in the Hospital Wing.

That was when he first met her.

He hadn’t particularly registered Madame Pomfrey informing him that he had a visitor, and when he had opened his eyes, he saw the most beautiful face he had ever seen.

“Are you an angel?” he had whispered.

His angel laughed in response. It was a sweet and pleasant laugh that instantly made him feel better.

“I wish!” she said amusedly. “I’m Padmé Naberrie. Chaser in the Gryffindor team.”

He hadn’t exactly noticed that she was in the opposing team, which meant she had seen his humiliating failure.

“O-Oh. I’m Anakin-”

“-Skywalker. I know. Everyone knows you.”

His cheeks grew as red as the Weasleys’ hair.

“You mean after today.”

“No, I’ve heard about you before. You play really well, Ani. May I call you Ani?”

He nodded. A thought crossed his mind.

“Uh Padmé, why are you here? Not that I mind – thank you for coming.”

“I wanted to apologize on behalf of my teammates. They were really mean to you. I tried to tell them off-”

“No, no, you tried. That’s enough. Besides, it wasn’t your fault.”

She looked at him sympathetically as she plopped down next to him.

“It-It doesn’t matter. Really,” he said, his cheeks growing hotter by the second.

“But it does matter, Ani. You don’t tolerate bullies; you stand up to them. And I know they did it just because you are a Slytherin,” she sighed. “I swear house rivalry is the worst thing ever.”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, but if they ever give you a hard time again, you can always tell me, alright?” she had said with a reassuring smile.

They hadn’t and so Ani barely had the chance to talk to his angel in years. He had seen her become a Prefect and then the Head of her house’s team and the more popular she got, the more unreachable she had felt to him. One of the things Anakin loved about Padmé was that she never let the fame get to her head. She was still the kindest and sweetest person ever, but he guessed that’s what other people liked about her too because they were always flocking around her and Anakin wasn’t keen on embarrassing himself in front of everyone.

With the Triwizard Tournament being hosted by his school, he had the perfect opportunity to ask her as his date to the Yule Ball. He was a fifth-year student now and most of the other boys were busy fawning over the Beauxbatons girls. They were pretty, to be sure, but they weren’t Padmé. He was worried she might be going with one of her friends (like Bail Organa, a seventh-year Ravenclaw) since he was keeping himself updated on who was accompanying who, and surprisingly, no other guy had asked her yet. When he had heard even Organa was going with a fellow Ravenclaw he knew he was going to be the only guy who would’ve approached Padmé so there was little chance of her turning him down.

He took a few deep breaths. He could picture Obi-Wan (his adoptive older brother and best friend) scowling at his hopeless crush on the Head Girl. “Do whatever you want, Anakin, but try not to disgrace yourself, or me.”

He cleared his throat nervously. Padmé was in the corridor, with only two of her friends, Cordé and Dormé (the friendly ones, as he liked to call him) so the moment struck him as the perfect opportunity. He started approaching her in the almost secluded hallway but he must have been too jittery from the anxiety because the next thing he knew he was on the floor.

Dormé and Cordé were kind enough not to snicker, though they seemed to be struggling at it as Padmé approached him.

She extended her hand and he took it as he gingerly got up.

“Are you okay- Ani?” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. “You remember me?”

“I almost didn’t recognize you. I don’t know how we have never talked in so many years.”

‘I wanted to, but you didn’t notice me,’ he thought sadly.

“Yeah- actually I was wondering if you are in need of a date for the Ball. W-Would you like to accompany me?” he blurted as he searched her eyes.

She stared back and just for a tiny moment, he felt that they shared a connection. That magic, however, was lost by what followed.

She broke out of her reverie.

“I’m really sorry, Ani. But Palo already asked me, and I said yes.”

“Oh…” he said though his brain wasn’t comprehending it clearly. Of course, she was going with Palo Jemabie, a seventh-year Hufflepuff. He had heard they had dated briefly so he was certain they were trying to rekindle the flame.

He tried not to wear his heart on his sleeve for once and hide the heartbreak.

“It’s alright. I get the picture. I’ll...ask someone else.”

She smiled apologetically and scrutinized him for a few seconds. He shifted uncomfortably as he had a feeling, he was not very good at hiding his emotions.

“I’ll see around you then,” she said as she waved at him and rejoined her friends, leaving Anakin alone in the hallway.

Anakin kicked the handkerchief that had fallen out of his pocket.

‘This day keeps getting worse.’

Padmé’s rejection had left a sour taste in his mouth. He had lost interest in going to the ball.

‘Why did I even get my hopes up? I’m better off going alone.’

*

He would later discover he wasn’t better off coming to the ball alone. But he doubted he would have enjoyed himself accompanied by a last-minute date either. He was dressed in one of the dress robes his mother had made for him long ago. It wasn’t horrible-looking, just a little out of fashion, but Anakin rarely care about the trend. It was his way of keeping his mother’s memory alive. She had wanted him to attend his first ball in it.

He fidgeted uncomfortably as he saw the other couples entering the Great Hall hand in hand. This was going to be awkward. Even his friend Rodrick, a Gryffindor, had Terrance (Ravenclaw) as his date. He had no other choice other than being a third wheel, though his friends didn’t seem to mind.

“A shy Slytherin. You’re an odd one, aren’t you?” said a sly voice as he felt someone put their hand through his.

It was Padmé. He didn’t bother concealing his awe. She came in a dazzling gown that was a mixture of the lightest yellow and a soft shade of pink. It looked like sunset – and top it off, her hair looked impeccable in a coiled headdress.

“Now, smile because we’ll be the first ones to start the dance,” she said as she waved at her friends.

“Padmé? I thought you were coming with Jemabie!”

“Well, after our conversation I told him someone had finally asked me on a date. We were going as friends since no one had asked me. He was a last resort. Besides, he wanted to go with someone else anyway.”

“Then why didn’t you say yes when I asked you first?”

“I wanted to see how dealt with refusal. Merlin, I haven’t seen someone so genuinely heartbroken in ages! I am surrounded by many false friends, you know. I appreciate your candor.”

“Come on, I am not that obvious,” he said with a pout.

“You are!” she teased as he blushed harder.

“So, you just came with me because I am the only one who asked you?”

She laughed. “That, and because it’s not every day a guy calls you an angel and means it.”

[devondeal]

Shadow of the Past

Note: Shoutout to @jedimasterbailey who inspired me with our awesome conversations causing this idea to flourish in the first place! Her input has been incredibly valuable when figuring out the details and other key elements and this fic wouldn't be the same without it.

Ch. 3

The light shone brightly until it dimmed down to a hazy dreamlike tone. They were in a valley surrounded by colorful forest and the sun was warm. There was a village of Togruta nearby.

Ahsoka and Barriss realized that the temple was showing them the planet Shili. That ugly chill Ahsoka felt before entering the doorway came back. This place was very familiar and she didn't like it one bit. Barriss noticed her discomfort.

Barriss: You know this place?

Ahsoka: I think so.

They suddenly appeared inside one of the buildings where there were several Togruta and a Zygerrian woman standing across from each other. There was also a Togruta toddler hiding behind a Togruta woman. No one seemed to notice Barriss and Ahsoka's presence. 

Togruta woman: I'm sorry, she's not usually this shy.

Zygerrian woman: I am a foreigner. This is to be expected. She is only a child after all.

Elder Togruta: We are honored by your presence of course. 

But as he said this, he gave the toddler and her mother a stern look.

The Togruta woman kneels down to the toddlers level: Come on Ahsoka. Say hello to the Jedi. 

The toddler clung harder to her mother keeping her head down in embarrassment and fear. She somehow knew this was no Jedi even though she didn't even understand what a Jedi was. When her mother attempted to pick her up to allow the "Jedi" to properly examine her, she struggled and ran out of the room. The elders groaned in disappointment and apologized profusely.

Ahsoka's jaw dropped. She had no idea how to process what she was looking at, but she didn't just recognize it, she felt it in her bones. Barriss immediately knew what they were looking at. Ahsoka had told her this story before.

Suddenly they were inside a much home-ier location where toddler Ahsoka was crying quietly and her mother gently held her.

Mother: Sweetie, what's wrong?

Toddler Ahsoka: Don't like her.

Mother: Why not?

Little Ahsoka didn't know how to answer. 

Toddler Ahsoka: She's bad.

Mother: She's been nothing but kind to us. What makes you think she's bad? Did she do something bad? 

The mother was genuinely concerned if something unseen had happened.

Toddler Ahsoka shook her head. The mother sighed in relief.

Mother: Well then, nothing’s wrong.

Toddler Ahsoka looked down and made a sad and frustrated expression that Barriss recognized too well. 

The image changed again to the outdoors where the Zygerrian's ship was right outside the village. The toddler Ahsoka was screaming and crying in her mother's arms. 

The elders were shaking their heads clearly frustrated at the child's reluctance. 

Elder Togruta: Forgive us, Master Jedi. We don't understand why she's behaving this way. 

Zygerrian: She is strong with the force. Through training, she will master her emotions. I see much potential in her. You should be proud.

Ahsoka's mother's eyes began to well up and she tried to calm her child

Mother: Shh... shh.. it's ok. You're going to become a Jedi. Like her. You'll be with your own kind, with people who understand what you are, who can help you with your special powers. The other children won't exclude you or make fun of you. You'll be one of them.

The child quieted for a moment.

Ahsoka's mother: I love you and I will never forget you. 

She kissed her forehead and the child began to wail again as she was handed to the Zygerrian. Her mother was crying silently trying to be brave for her daughter. As the Zygerrian walked into her ship the child was looking over her shoulder, screaming for someone, her mother or anyone, to take her back. Her arms reached out for someone, anyone to rescue her. But no one came and the door of the ship closed silencing the child's screams and suddenly the planet was gone and Barriss and Ahsoka were surrounded by darkness.

Barriss had been expecting Plo Koon to show up at any moment, but he never did. Now she partially understood why this reality - well at least Ahsoka, was the way she was. Palpatine must have been planning the inquisitor program years in advance. They probably were hidden, much like the clone army was before Kenobi discovered them conveniently in time for the separatist conflict. 

She remembered the report of the force sensitive younglings Ahsoka and Anakin had rescued from Darth Sidious in the Clone Wars.

To think that without Plo Koon, Ahsoka would have fell victim... has fallen victim to his grotesque plans... it was just too much. Tears streamed down Barriss's face. Ahsoka wasn't crying but her face was frozen with terror and she was shivering. Barriss pulled herself together and tried to reach out to comfort Ahsoka but she jolted away from her touch. 

Barriss realized that while this was just a visual memory for her, for Ahsoka this was so much more. She must have relived everything, from smells to physical touches, to the exact pace of her own past breaths. The dread  she must have felt when her loved ones didn't believe her and gave her away to someone she knew they shouldn't trust... The helplessness. 

Barriss: Ahso- ... I mean... I'm so sorry. I didn't realize the temple would...

Ahsoka looked at her with an expression that reminded Barriss too much of how she looked at the trial when she confessed to bombing the temple. But her yellow eyes glinted with anger. Suddenly Ahsoka's expression shifted to confusion and she looked down. Barriss followed her gaze down to see that her shackles had disappeared. 

Immediately Ahsoka force pushed Barriss away and ran further into the darkness.

Barriss: No! Wait! 

But her surroundings began to change before she could chase after Ahsoka. She recognized this place to be their home before this insanity happened. And for some reason she was lying down in bed with the morning sun shining in.

Much like how she had woken up to find Ahsoka gone and that reality had shifted to somehow becoming impossibly worse. She got out of bed and saw she was in pajamas instead of her previous attire. Had this all been some awful dream? She didn't know what to think anymore. 

She went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and Ahsoka's voice spoke softly in her right ear, "Gotcha" causing Barriss to jolt so hard, she dropped the glass and it shattered on the floor.

Ahsoka: Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you. 

Barriss turned around and saw Ahsoka and immediately noticed her eyes were blue. She also noticed Ahsoka was in pajamas too. She couldn't help staring.

Ahsoka: Hey. You ok? 

Barriss: I... um...

She looked down at the shattered glass.

Ahsoka: Don't worry about that. I'll clean it up. My fault anyway. I promise I'll never sneak up on you again, ok?

Ahsoka cupped her cheek. Her hand was warm.

Barriss: Ok...

Ahsoka kissed her forehead and Barriss went back to bed claiming she needed to lie down for a moment. 

Was this real? She thought to herself. The more she thought about it, the more those awful events were beginning to fade away like a dream does after one awakes.

Ahsoka came back from cleaning up the glass. As usual, she jumped in bed rather than just sitting and lying down. 

Barriss: You know I don't like when you do that. It shakes the whole bed. 

Ahsoka: Can I help it if Alderaanian beds are so jumpable?

Barriss laughs and cries at the same time. She missed this.

Barriss: That's not a word. 

Ahsoka: (concerned) Barriss? 

Barriss: I think I had a bad dream. And it seemed so real...

Ahsoka: I know that feeling... Can I?

Barriss: Please.

Ahsoka cuddled up to Barriss, holding her as they faced each other, their noses almost touching.

Ahsoka: We're gonna get through this, we always do. 

For a moment, it was quiet and Barriss felt peaceful. But then she remembered the sound of a child screaming. She opened her eyes and sat up suddenly alarming Ahsoka.

Ahsoka: Another dream?

Barriss: This isn't real. I have to get back. 

Ahsoka: What? What do you mean?

Barriss: I'm still in the Jedi temple. It's testing me. 

Ahsoka: Ok now I have no idea what you're talking about.

Barriss looked back at Ahsoka who was leaning on a pillow. She looked exactly how she was before the reality shift. Which means... She glanced at the bedside tables on each side and both had an engagement ring. The temple really thought of everything. 

Barriss: I don't belong here. Not yet. I have to go and fix things.

Ahsoka's face fell.

Ahsoka: Haven't you spent enough time fixing things? Why can't you let it go for once and be with me? 

Barriss: You know I can't.

Ahsoka: (sighs) That conscience of yours....

Barriss gently cupped Ahsoka's face and neck with her hands

Barriss: I love you, and I'm coming back. But I can't let the universe destroy itself. 

The vision of Ahsoka started to cry softly. 

Ahsoka: When this is real again, I'll be here.

Barriss began to wonder if there was some reality trapped in the illusion. They kissed each other, not a goodbye, but something for Barriss to hold onto during this ordeal. Barriss noticed that she was no longer in pajamas and back in her previous attire.

She stood and walked to the door of their house as Ahsoka watched her leave. Barriss took one look back, noticing the darkness start to consume her home. She locked eyes with Ahsoka, then turned and closed the door before she could see her home and her soon to be wife disappear. She was now back in the main temple room where that bright door had showed up in front of them in what felt like hours ago.

Barriss shut her eyes tightly, processing what just happened. The temple had tested her to make sure she was ready for the challenge ahead, then given her a gift. A memory to keep in her heart when things got too difficult. 

Ahsoka: You took long enough.

Barriss: How long…?

Ahsoka: I tried getting that door open. I used my strength, the force, leverage, that thing won’t budge. I had no choice but to wait for you. 

She said this with a snarl. 

Barriss: About that vision…

Ahsoka: I don’t care about the vision, I just want to get out of this tomb! You’d be dead if I wasn’t afraid of being trapped in here alone. 

Barriss could have retorted with a comment about how that was unlikely given her inferior fighting style, but she didn’t want to provoke. The vision was affecting her, no matter how much she denied it. 

Barriss: Did the temple show you anything else or try to test you at all?

Ahsoka: No, I’ve been sitting here alone waiting for you for ages. 

Barriss couldn’t tell if she was telling the truth or not until she noticed Ahsoka’s knuckles were bloody. Something did happen, but she felt it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

Barriss: Strange, the door should have opened now that I'm back. Perhaps the temple wants us to use the force together to open it.

Ahsoka: You’re a Jedi and I use the darkside. How is that going to work?

Barriss: I guess we’ll learn by trying.

They used the force together, willing the door to open. A few seconds passed by and it wouldn’t budge. Suddenly the temple began to vibrate and the door opened with an ugly scratching sound, stone against stone. 

Once it was open, they finally walked outside the temple.

Barriss: I’m surprised that worked.

Suddenly the temple began to sink into the ground with such a shocking ferocity, as if it had gotten sick from regurgitating it’s maligned force users. 

Barriss used this opportunity with Ahsoka distracted from the spectacle to cuff her again.

Ahsoka: Hey!

Barriss: What? You had a lot of these in your ship and I figured that you would give me enough trouble.

Ahsoka: So you kept a pair in your pocket?!

Barriss: Two pairs actually…

Ahsoka stared at her incredulously.

Barriss: Well it pays to be prepared.

Ahsoka: Or you could just kill me and rid yourself of a problem.

Barriss: Would you stop with the death talk, it’s really disconcerting!

Ahsoka: What’s “disconcerting” is how you Jedi won’t even kill your own exterminators! You’re all about the greater good until you have to do the dirty work!

Barriss: You sound as if this has happened to you before.

Ahsoka: You don’t know me, so stop acting like you do. Just take me to your ship and do to me whatever you have planned… I’m getting tired of this. 

Barriss frowned. She definitely wasn’t telling her something. No matter; that would come later. Right now she had to find somewhere safe to stay and try to decipher what the temple was trying to tell her. Temple visions were known to not always be direct, so there was definitely something useful in the visions she had seen… including possibly whatever Ahsoka might have seen and wasn’t telling her.

She would somehow have to get her to reveal it while continuing to challenge her beliefs about the Empire. She hoped she could turn her, but this Ahsoka had been through horrors different from her own Ahsoka. That vision of her as a child without Plo Koon to save her was heartbreaking. She’d have to remember she wasn’t the same person, otherwise she would never be able to persuade Ahsoka of her potential for good. And it was imperative she did. She couldn’t do this alone. 

[prongsisabadger]

TWP Chapter 23

Things seemed to be going according to plan. When we were notified of Vindi's capture at least. T.H. and I had finished booby trapping the northern exit and were now trarting the last sweep of the lab that Master Kenobi had ordered. We were to find and terminate any surviving droids and secure the facility so that the GAR could seize the lab's assets. Everything had been going smoothly, until someone reported one last capsule missing. A capsule that contained the virus.

Senator Amidala informed us that Vindi had given it to a droid and that it most likely still had it. So the entire place was placed on lockdown. Comms were alive with chatter and new orders were being relayed down the chain of command. Every hatch was secured, the corridors to those that had been blown up in our attack were sealed, and within less than two minutes, the entire facility was closed off to the galaxy. And most of our troops were still inside. As soon as everything was closed, a tremor shook the entire place and knocked a lot of us off balance. The droid had set off the bomb.

The laboratory's safety measures kicked in and blast doors started to close down on safety rooms. I yelled at my partner to run for the nearest one, but we were right in the middle of the facility and all safety rooms were at least three corridors away. We run anyway. All around us doors were being closed and the feeling of being chased by an unbeatable enemy grew as we grew closer to the nearest safety room.

When we rounded the corner, Senator Amidala and Representative Binks were running through the threshold as well. The door closed down on the safety room as the Senator turned and saw us, eyes wide in surprise and desperation. We were locked out. Behind us, a wave of blue smoke approached with the speed of a Kaminoan wave. I put my mask on as fast as I could and turned the filter on for toxins before T.H and I were swallowed by it. It was ironic, such a deadly and unstoppable virus that closed in on you with the ferocity of facing your worst fears; but when you closed your eyes, it felt like a warm summer breeze on the skin -soft, tender, loving.

"Please tell me your helmet filters toxins as well as smoke." I begged my partner without turning to face him.

He didn't answer. He didn't have to.

Comms went wild with activity, superiors checking in with their troops, making sure the dignitaries were alive, trying to confirm the virus had been contained. I took the built in earpiece out of the comms device attached to my left forearm and put it on. I didn't want anyone listening in. Not when I knew what would come next. The device in my ear beeped with an incoming message.

"Commander Foreas." I said.

"Kriari, thank the Force, are you okay?" said the voice of my master.

He sounded worried. I didn't blame him, we both knew what this meant.

"T.H. and I didn't make it to the safe room. Clone helmets don't filter toxins, and while mine does, I'm not sure it can filter the Blue Shadow virus.," I told him honestly. "We will hunt down the remaining droids, but Master you need to leave-"

"I don't want to hear it, young one." he interrupted. His voice was strained, like even considering leaving me -all of us- here hurt him physically. "Anakin and I will find a cure."

"Master you need to consider that you won't be able to-"

"I am not leaving you there to die on your own, Kriari. I couldn't live with it, and I'm pretty sure I would have two battalions mutineering if I tried." He tried to joke.

I thought about the Pack, about my friends so many systems away, somewhere on the other end of the galaxy, waiting for me to return.

"If I do die here, it won't be your fault, Master. I want you to know that." I said. "Say you understand."

"I do. If the worst comes to happen, is there something I should tell Master Plo or any of the 104th?" he asked.

"Tell them I'll still have their backs, always."

I cut the conversation short, not wanting my mood to decrease any further. T.H.'s morale would go down even further and we still had a lot to do. I looked at him, he had taken his helmet off and was looking at my face. His expression was somber, but determined. We were going to die, he knew that, but he'd be damned if he showed any weakness now.

"Ready to take it out on all the tinnies left?" I asked him with a grin. Even if he couldn't see it, my eyes crinkled with the gesture.

He returned it and I could see the cold determination in his eyes. He would go down fighting.

"At your side? Any time, Commander." he said putting his helmet back on.

…

We were able to make contact with both Ahsoka's and Rex's teams, they had all made it to a safe room but had been intercepted by droids. They had closed the blast doors a second too late and were now all infected. Some of the men were already showing symptoms, and their physical energy was being depleted way sooner than anyone anticipated. By the time senator Amidala, representative Binks, T.H. and I made it there, Nax was already dead and Waxer was getting weaker by the minute. Both Rex and Ahsoka were infected as well, but they were powering through as best as they could.

We had all made up our minds though. We were finishing the job and making sure the virus stayed inside the lab forever. It didn't matter that we were still inside, we would all give our lives to save the galaxy from a fate even worse than an intergalactic war. We separated into two teams, one Jedi each. The men of the 212th would be coming with me, and Rex and Ahsoka would be going with the digitaries. We would clear out the reminding droids and make sure not a single hatch was opened. I did warn the other team about the boobie traps on the northern hatch so they wouldn't be getting any nasty surprises.

Before we went our separate ways, I took both Ahsoka and Rex aside.

"Take care, you two." I said, patting both their shoulders. "May the Force be with you."

"It was a pleasure, Commander." Answered Rex, saluting me.

"May the Force be with you too, Kriari." returned Ahsoka with a sad smile.

There was no need for more.

I turned to the rest of my team. Waxer, Boil and T.H. were all waiting for orders. I had one wounded man and three infected. One of them was having a harder time dealing with the virus' symptoms already. The chances of us making it out alive were slim, very slim. But still, I couldn't bring myself to remain stoic, cold, unmoving. I wanted them to know that I would be willing to go down with them. I wanted them to know that my life was not worth more than theirs.

So I took my mask off.

They said nothing. they didn't need to. They understood the statement I was trying to make and accepted it. I was dying with them, that day or any other day the Force deemed it. I was going to die there anyway, the chances of our masters finding a cure were almost nonexistent, if the virus didn't kill me then starvation would. I was a walking corpse either way.

As it turns out, there had been a lot of droids left inside the lab that were now trying to escape. Thankfully, most of them were regular battle droids and SBDs, we had taken care of the droidekas already. It doesn't mean the fight was any easier, we were all more lethargic and tired as time went by. The virus affected airways and lungs, so breathing became increasingly difficult, even to those of us who were holding up better than the rest.

I made each member of my team take turns wearing my mask, the less contaminated air they breathed in, the better. It gave each of us a little more energy and clean oxigen every time we wore it, and for the most part, I think it was the thing that saved us in the end. The first of us went down once the last droid was destroyed. Waxer started gasping for air as he tried to hold on to the wall for support. His left hand went up to his neck as if trying to pry his larynx open manually.

I went into healer mode immediately. During my stay in Dorin, I had been taught the basics of Force healing, as well as first aid. The thing is that Dorin had a toxic atmosphere and intoxication was not uncommon, so even if I wasn't technically a healer -or had the makings of one- I knew I could at the very least help him breathe easier.

I instructed them to lay Waxer down on the ground and stripp him off his upper body armor. I put my mask on his face carefully, making sure the airlocks were secure and the filters working correctly. I kneeled down by his side and put one hand on his chest and the other on his forehead. I needed to calm him down enough for his body to relax and not struggle against me when I channeled the Force into his lungs. Waxer's body went limp within seconds, and when I deemed him ready, I moved my other hand to his chest.

It had been a long time since I had attempted to perform this procedure, but I would be damned if I didn't at least try. I focused my attention on his lungs, on his bronchi, on every channel the virus had stuck to and obstructed. And then I tried to persuade the midichlorians within them to fight against the virus. It was slow work, careful, meticulous. One thing was to persuade a mind to do your bidding, another entirely was to persuade organs that work on automatic reflexes. If done wrong, his immune system could detect my presence and deem me a threat. If that happened, I wouldn't be able to persuade it to focus on the virus instead of me. So I decided to do things right. Feel the Force around me, find the light and let it guide me through the process. There was no time for worrying, for what ifs, there was no time or room for anything other than the task at hand and the life, slowly fading before me. My hands tingled with the effort and little droplets of sweat started to form on my forehead and back. I didn't have all the pieces to the procedure, I knew the basics, but I knew in my soul that I wouldn't have called myself a Jedi if I didn't at least try to save this man's life. Because that's what he was, not just another clone, not a replaceable number on a list. A life form with a name, with a story, with a life and friends that cared for him. A person.

I could feel my breathing getting shallow with the effort and the unfiltered air. I could feel myself getting weaker as I used the Force in me to keep Waxer's alive. I could also feel the rest of my team's worry rising. They felt fine, physically at least, if a little tired, but their worry was rising steadily.

"Commander," started T.H. "Your face…"

I didn't answer, I couldn't afford to get distracted. I had finally convinced Waxer's immune system I wasn't its enemy and was now in the process of helping it fight back the virus.

"Comm-"

"Shut up, will you? Can't you see she's trying to focus?" Snapped Boil. "Just keep your eyes peeled for enemies and your ears open for comm chatter."

"She's going to get herself killed if she keeps this up," he insisted.

I tuned out the rest of the conversation after that, the treatment was working, even if it was slow going and consuming every bit of my energy. But it wasn't all me, Waxer's body was doing all of the heavy lifting. He was so strong, fighting so hard. It was his strong will to survive -even when unconscious- that kept me going. He didn't want to die, not yet.

So I wouldn't let him.

The only thing that got me out of my trance was the beeping in my right ear. It was a closed channel.

"I hope you are still there, young one." Said the deep voice of my Master. "It would be a real waste for you to die on me now."

I chuckled in my exhausted state, shedding a few tears of relief.

"I don't think I've ever been happier to hear your voice, Master." I confessed, falling on my backside and attempting to brace myself. I was so sleepy, so exhausted, I wanted to lay down and sleep for a lifetime.

"Hang in there a little more, Kriari. We'll get you out of there. All of you."

I allowed myself to let my tears flow freely as T.H. took a hold of me and Boil helped Waxer sit up. I hid my face in the trooper's shoulder as I exhaled in relief. We were getting out, we were all getting out. I knew Jedi weren't supposed to fear death, be it their own or others', but I felt no guilt then. I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty. I would live to see my friends, my family again, and I couldn't be happier.

[bloodpacks-archive]

false god

word count: 5.7 babey

summary: it’s fuckin chandrila!reader x obi-wan kenobi bro idk she’s poltically charged and ready to fight and I love her and so does obi-wan let’s go

warnings/note: none. idk. politics. but. star wars. but also lowkey me ranting abt how i hate america. u can choose to interpret it that way or not. i do not care. it is 2 AM as i’m writing this. there’s not even violence. so my advice is to just enjoy it. also. u know what. i would die if obi-wan did to me what his does to padme in this gif. so enjoy that too. also i should learn how to make those header shits for fics i am tired of this layout. ALSO please send me prompts to write more abt these two i love them and will probably write shit abt them no matter what so. anyway im going to bed ENJOY

The sun just barely shines through the clouds on Chandrila. The air is cold, biting at Obi-Wan’s skin a bit more than it had on Coruscant. From beside him, Anakin pulls his jacket tighter around himself. Even five years after Tatooine, he still struggled in the cold. But as they walk through the streets of the lower sector on their new assignment, Obi-Wan can’t help but smile at the way his padawan crosses his arms.

“Cold?” He asks Anakin, not letting his eyes break from the path ahead of him. He hears Anakin let out a sigh beside him.

“I’ll be fine, Master,” He replies. Obi-Wan glances over at him for just a moment, eyebrows furrowed as he looks over him.

“I’m sure we’ll find a place to stay soon.” He brings a hand and places it on Anakin’s shoulder, for just a moment. He shivers at the touch, and Obi-Wan decides to walk a little faster.

They’re here under strict orders to gather intel on the lower sectors, both of them out of their usual, warmer robes and in outfits a bit more fitting to the area. Obi-Wan scans the city as he walks, making note of the towering buildings, the signs that hang out into the street, colorful and a bit too bright for his own liking. He catches sight of a market up ahead, and quickly guides Anakin forward. It’s lively there, large groups of people passing between each other and surrounding various vendors.

As he gets closer, Obi-Wan quickly realizes that what he once believed to be a place where he could find shelter is rather a place of chaos. He can barely see over the heads of the crowds, and trying to catch the words on any signs is proving difficult. Anakin pulls him forward, slowly making their way out of the middle of the crowd and into less dense areas. Still, both their eyes wander about the market. Obi-Wan considers for just a moment if he should ask someone for help.

“Are you lost?” They both turn, coming face to face with a girl. She has a hood on, but her eyes are still visible. There’s a softness to them, something he isn’t sure he could explain, but he feels… safe. Oddly enough, she seems safe. Concern flows off of her in waves, and he decides that they don’t particularly have much to lose. And if they do, well, there’s a lightsaber hidden on him anyway. They’ll find a way.

“We’re just looking for a place to stay,” Obi-Wan explains. He notices the way her eyes flit over to Anakin, who—despite being fourteen—still looks young for his age. Her lips purse for a moment, and then she brings her gaze back up to Obi-Wan.

“I can help you, if you’d like,” She replies. Her voice is soft, careful in every sense of the word. “We have some extra room back home.”

Obi-Wan pauses for a moment, but then he glances over at Anakin, who’s still pulling his jacket tighter around himself, and quickly agrees.

She guides them out of the market with ease. Obi-Wan makes note of the small pack hanging off her shoulders, wondering, if only for a moment, what might be in it. She moves her hood to hide a majority of her face as they walk, but he finds that when the sun hits it just right through the clouds, her silhouette becomes visible through the thin fabric. He absently wonders what the purpose of the thin hood could possibly be in this kind of cold.

As the crowd begins to dwindle, she slows her pace, coming to walk beside him and Anakin. She looks over at the two of them, and pulls her hood back slightly, allowing her hair to poke out around the edges. He can see her eyes again, and they still hold that same softness to them, something that screams a want to help others. He can’t quite place it.

They’re trustworthy, Obi-Wan thinks, as she glances between them.

“So are you two brothers then?” She asks. Before Obi-Wan can react, Anakin is already speaking, finally beginning to forget the cold.

“Yeah, something like that,” He says, and she smiles down at him, kind and welcoming in the way her lips quirk at his voice.

“We have a lot of that here,” She replies. Obi-Wan furrows his eyebrows, tilting his head at her only slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“You must be fairly new to the lower sectors.” She sighs, holding her gaze forward for a while before speaking again. “Lots of us were abandoned. It- It gets hard down here. When we get to the house you’ll see it. None of us are related by blood, necessarily, but we’re family.” She turns once again, her eyes flitting between Obi-Wan and Anakin. “I have to assume it was the same for you.”

They walk for a while longer, a silence settling between the three of them. Obi-Wan has a habit of checking up on Anakin every few seconds, and whenever he looks over, his eyes are flitting about the city. From the dirty, poorly maintained apartments down on their level, to the shiny speeders up above. Obi-Wan can’t help but feel that all of it is slightly unjust. Especially if what the girl says is true.

Abandonment, he thinks. Surely, no one would abandon someone to a life like this.

“I don’t believe I ever caught your names,” She says suddenly.

“Ben,” He replies.

“And you can just call me Ani,” Anakin says from next to him. Obi-Wan smiles at that, and Anakin earns a bit of laughter from the girl next to them.

“Ani and Ben, huh? I like that.” And she smiles, for the first time since meeting her. It’s polite in nature, not quite reaching her eyes, but Obi-Wan finds it pretty nevertheless.

He really has to shake himself out of thinking she’s pretty.

“And what’s your name?” Obi-Wan asks then.

She replies, with a lilt to her voice that makes him want to lean in closer. Her name is lovely. And he knows he isn’t supposed to have attachments, and he won’t. But he’s allowed to be a little curious, right? It’s not his fault that he has a habit of wondering.

Specifically, he’s wondering what her smile looks like when it does reach her eyes.

But he’s only wondering.

—————

They reach the apartment a few moments later. It’s a few floors above base level, and surprisingly well kept. He notices a twi’lek girl working at a desk in the corner, and there’s a boy who glances up from the datapad he’d been attentively scrolling through. His eyes flit between the three of them, and then he gets a bit of a breathless smile on his face.

“Now who’d you bring home today?” He asks, amusement mixing with his voice.

“Shut it, Luca,” She replies, and Obi-Wan almost expects her to roll her eyes before she breaks into soft laughter, throwing the nearest pillow at him. The boy—Luca, glares at her after he catches the pillow, just a few moments before it would’ve hit him square in the face. Obi-Wan has to hold back a smile.

“Anyway,” She begins, “This is Ben and Ani. They needed a place to stay.”

Luca turns to them, offering a small wave before he, finally, is able to focus on his datapad in peace. She makes her way over to the desk where the twi’lek is sitting, putting her arms on the girl’s shoulders and making her finally look up from whatever she was working on.

“And this is Le’Ana. She’s too busy working on her jewelry to pay attention to either of you.”

Le’Ana glances over at Obi-Wan and Anakin, giving a quiet wave before exchanging looks with the other girl. She rolls her eyes at Le’Ana, and something passes between them that Obi-Wan can’t quite understand.

“Hey, why don’t you give the kid my bed tonight? I can take the couch,” Le’Ana says. She’s playing with a piece of jewelry, letting it twist in her hands.

“Oh no, I couldn’t. We really don’t want to intrude-“ Anakin starts, but then she stands in front of them, hands on her hips while she shakes her head.

“We’re the ones who brought you here. You’re not intruding by any means,” She replies. She places a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, and he smiles up at her, silently giving her his thanks. And then she turns to Obi-Wan, soft smile on her face.

“It’s getting late. You should both head to bed.” She glances over at Anakin once more, laughing slightly at how his eyes are half-closed, sleep pulling at him. “Le’Ana’s room is just down the hall. There’s two beds in there for you.”

“Thank you for everything,” Obi-Wan replies. She simply smiles at him, before turning to speak with Luca.

The room is small—not much bigger than anything either of them would’ve slept in while on a ship—but it’s certainly got a personality to it. Pieces of jewelry hang off of hooks in one of the corners, each one intricately made. Anakin walks over to inspect the pieces, curiosity alight in his expression.

“Don’t touch, Anakin.”

“I know, Master, I won’t.” He turns, offering Obi-Wan an innocent look. He rolls his eyes at Anakin as he takes off his robe, folding it neatly to store in the space beneath the bed.

“You’re tired, Anakin. You should sleep, we have a lot of work ahead of us.”

He simply nods in response, shedding his robe and taking off his boots before settling into the bed across from Obi-Wan’s.

“Master, what is it, exactly, that we’re looking for?”

Obi-Wan lowers his voice, leaning in closer to Anakin as he speaks, “There’ve been talks of Separatist cells down on these lower levels. We’re simply gathering intel, running an investigation of sorts, and then leaving.”

Anakin nods, his eyebrows slightly furrowed together, but he drops it, moving to finally lay down in his bed. Obi-Wan does the same, letting his eyes fall shut.

—————

Obi-Wan can’t sleep. Anakin is soundly asleep beside him, chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm. Obi-Wan sits up, stretching his back and his neck, before grabbing his robe and padding outside and into the hallway, shutting the door quietly behind him. He shrugs on his robe, pulling it tightly around him. The air had grown colder as the night came, and a draft found its way into the apartment.

As he comes to the main room, he sees Le’Ana, fast asleep on the couch with a blanket wrapped tightly around her. He smiles. She looks peaceful.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Obi-Wan turns, and sees her sitting on the counter. Obi-Wan makes a concerned face as he glances in Le’Ana’s direction. “She’s fine. She sleeps through anything.”

Obi-Wan moves towards her, watching as she swings her feet over the edge of the counter she’s chosen to sit on. She’s without her hood this time, instead donning some loose-fitting pants and a t-shirt, a blanket draped around her shoulders. A mug of caf rests in her hands, and she moves as he approaches, grabbing a mug and pouring some of the extra caf she brewed into it. She hands it to Obi-Wan and he gladly takes it, letting the mug warm his hands.

“I guess you couldn’t sleep either?” Obi-Wan leans against the counter next to her, taking a sip from his mug.

“Never can,” She sighs. He glances up, eyes flitting across her face. She looks tired, but then she catches his eye and gives him another smile. “Wanna go for a walk?”

And he only nods, stepping away to allow her to get off the counter, both of them leaving their mugs behind. She trades the blanket around her shoulders for a long coat, and offers Obi-Wan one as well. He gladly takes it, wrapping it around himself as she leads him out into the city.

The moons are surprisingly bright despite the city lights. They shine onto the pathways, giving the city a pretty glow.

“I used to take walks like these a lot when I was younger,” She says. Obi-Wan stays quiet, watching her as she speaks. “I used to live farther into the outer reaches of Hanna City. Back then, I could walk for maybe two klicks and be out on the hills by the rivers.”

“Do you miss it?” He asks. She lets a breath of laughter pass her lips.

“More than you’d know. When I first moved here I would make the walk anyway but,” She pauses, sighing, “Hanna City isn’t what it used to be.”

A speeder passes over their heads, the soft whoosh causing them both to glance up.

“How has the city changed?” Obi-Wan asks. He notices the way her eyebrows furrow, the way her gaze falls to the ground. He silently hopes he hasn’t struck a nerve.

“Do you want to go out to the hills? We can talk there.”

And so they do. It takes them nearly 45 minutes to get to the outskirts of the city, and another 20 to get to the hills, but the moons are still bright, and the further they walk, the brighter the stars become. Eventually, they come to a point where the river is low, and they can sit on the grass nearby while still listening to the soft flow of water.

Obi-Wan looks over to her, and sees her staring back at the city, the lights softly reflecting in her eyes. They flutter shut for a moment, and she takes a breath.

“I used to think Hanna City was as perfect as any place could be,” She whispers.

“What changed?”

“I started listening. When I was younger, everywhere you turned there was a message saying you can be who you want to be. I believed that. For a very long time, I believed that Chandrila was the place where you could be anyone.”

She moves her gaze to her feet, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before she lays her arms over her knees, lightly resting her chin there.

“I want to believe it, I really do but-“ her eyes close, “-I’ve seen so much, Ben.”

Obi-Wan, quietly, cautiously, raises his hand to her shoulder. She leans into his touch, letting him slowly rub his thumb back and forth across the cloth there.

“And now there’s separatist groups down here and while I don’t know if I agree with the Separatists,” She pauses, her eyes meeting Obi-Wan’s, “I understand their reasons for supporting them.”

“I didn’t know there was much conflict on Chandrila,” Obi-Wan says.

“There never used to be. But we were all told from a young age that this was the world of opportunity. Now we’re grown up and- and we can’t find jobs, or proper housing, or anything, really. Le’Ana, Luca, and I, we’re lucky. Le’Ana’s managed to make quite a bit from her jewelry from time to time, and Luca’s been able to fix up droids for an alright living.”

“I have to assume that’s not how it’s been for everyone,” Obi-Wan replied. She sighs again, and then brings her eyes up to meet his. They’re worn, but caring nevertheless.

“Certainly not. I mean, even for me, I’m between jobs at the moment, to say the least.”

A beat of silence passes between them before she smiles up at him, moonlight dancing across her cheeks, and turns to fully face him, legs criss-crossed and chin resting in one of her palms.

“But that’s enough about me. What’s your story, Ben?” His false name falls past her lips with a playfulness he could certainly come to enjoy. He laughs, leaning back a bit as he wraps an arm around one knee.

“I’m afraid there’s not much of a story to tell,” He answers. She rolls her eyes at him, leaning forward to push his shoulder back while he laughs at her.

“There’s always a story to tell.” She tilts her head at him, narrowing her eyes playfully as she thinks of a question to ask. “Where are you from?”

“I don’t know my home planet, but I was raised on Coruscant,” He answers, truthfully. There’s a bit of wonder in her expression at the mention of Coruscant, and he lets his lips quirk up in a smile.

“Is it really as nice there as everyone says?” She asks.

“It has its problems, just like Chandrila, but I did love it there.”

“So why’d you leave?”

“I had business elsewhere.”

She rolls her eyes again. “You’re being elusive.”

“I told you there’s not much of a story,” Obi-Wan explains.

“Or perhaps you’re hiding something from me.” She leans in close, he can see the way her eyes flicker across his face, the way the moonlight illuminates every aspect of her. He’s exceptionally curious.

“Now why would I do that?” He replies. A smile tugs at his lips. And then she laughs, softly, letting her head fall towards his chest. Her fatigue is getting to her, he can tell. But then she sits back again, and then she lays down, her fingers playing with a blade of grass above her head as she looks up at the stars.

“Well then,” She begins, her eyes flit over to him, “if you don’t have a story, what do you wish it was?”

Obi-Wan thinks for a moment, of Qui-Gon, of him training Anakin. He thinks of the rules of the Jedi. He can’t help but admit that, on occasion, he wishes the rules were a little more… lenient. But most of all, he wishes there to be no threat to the galaxy. He wishes for the Jedi to be peacekeepers and simply that. He wishes there were no Sith, that he hadn’t killed the first Sith in centuries. He wishes he still had Qui-Gon’s wisdom, however turbulent he may have been at times.

“I wish it was happier,” He replies, finally.

Her hand, the one that was playing with the blade of grass, moves then, instead going to wrap her fingers around his. A gesture of comfort. Her eyes meet his, and there’s a soft smile upon her face.

“Me too,” She whispers.

The sky is slowly becoming brighter in front of them, so she rises, pulling Obi-Wan up with her.

“We should head back, before Ani thinks you got kidnapped.”

“He’d live.”

She gives him a look, lightly hitting him on the shoulder as they begin their walk back.

“Hey,” She whispers after a few moments, “Thanks for walking with me. It’s been so long since I’ve been out here.”

“It was much better than staring at the ceiling until the sun rose.”

“Maybe,” She teases, “But we really should’ve brought our caf with us.”

Obi-Wan lets a breath of laughter pass his lips. He finds that his curiosity about her is continually growing. He can’t help it. The more she talks, the more he wants to listen, and the closer he wants to be. From what he’s seen, she’s calming, caring, lovely in every aspect. And she seems genuine.

He hates being curious.

—————

The next night, Obi-Wan awakens when the moons are still bright. Once again, he finds himself making his way to the main room, the moonlight guiding him through the halls. And there she is, perched on the counter amid the food items he’d bought (as a thank you) earlier that day, quietly sipping on her caf.

“Do you ever sleep?” He asks as he approaches. She just shrugs, already handing him a mug.

“There’s a lot to think about at night,” She replies. Obi-Wan takes his spot next to her, leaning on the counter as they quietly speak, attempting to not disturb Le’Ana.

“Like?”

“Oh, the state of Chandrila, how nobody’s doing anything about it, the lies I’ve been told since I was a child.” She waves her hand about as she talks, swaying with her words. “That sort of thing.”

“You seem to be very politically charged.”

She turns, “Are you not?”

“Oh trust me, I have my opinions.” They both pause, sipping on their caf and watching moonlight softly pool in from the window. “Have you ever considered running for an office?”

“Plenty,” She says. “But I think I’d rather work in the background. The forefront seems… too much for me.”

“Do you have any ideas?” Obi-Wan asks. She smiles at him, carefully hopping off the counter. She walks towards the hallway.

“C’mon,” She says. Obi-Wan hesitates, just for a moment. “I promise nothing’ll hurt you.” There’s a smirk on her lips as she motions him towards her room.

She grabs his wrist as they enter, just barely, her touch light and airy. Her fingertips brush his skin there and it draws Obi-Wan in.

She places a datapad on a desk, motioning at the chair for Obi-Wan to sit. He watches carefully as she works, pulling up some file. Hope, is its label.

“I think I’m most proud of this one,” She says. She sets the datapad in front of him, leaning over his shoulders.

And in front of him, there’s ideas for policies. All under one common theme, to make the dream of Chandrila a reality. For everyone. Better orphanage systems, job stimulation, efforts to make housing more affordable.

And then, no more forgotten children. An effort to take kids off the streets and into better environments. Providing them with schooling and the resources to further their education or find jobs, whichever they should prefer.

“This is…” Obi-Wan can’t even finish. Every policy has a specific plan, an idea on how to achieve the goals. They aren’t all perfect, but they’re something. They’re actions.

“I don’t want any more kids to go through what Le’Ana, Luca, or I did,” She whispers.

Obi-Wan turns, “How are you going to get this out there?”

She moves so she leans on the desk, looking down at Obi-Wan as she speaks.

“I have an interview tomorrow. It’s with a potential senator.”

Without even thinking, Obi-Wan grabs her hand.

“That’s,” Obi-Wan lets out a breath, “Amazing.”

She glances down at where their hands are, his lightly holding onto hers. Obi-Wan watches her, and consciously, he knows he should move his hand, knows that this is beyond improper and knows that this is wrong.

He doesn’t.

She moves her hand, moonlight dancing between their fingers, and intertwines them.

“I feel like I’ve known you for a thousand lifetimes,” She whispers. “You’re oddly easy to talk to you.”

Her soft laughter fills the room.

“It’s because I’m so charming,” Obi-Wan replies. She rolls her eyes, lightly hitting his shoulder with her free hand.

“I take it back, you’re annoying.”

Silence passes between them. Her eyes lock with his and—there it is again. That curiosity. Obi-Wan swears it’ll be the death of him.

Her hand delicately moves to his face. Her fingers brush his cheek. He leans into the touch, not entirely sure of what he’s doing, but he finds he doesn’t particularly care. It’s happy here.

“Ben,” She whispers again, “Tell me if this isn’t what you want.”

He considers it, for just a moment. He hesitates. But the thing is—he wants to know what it’s like to kiss her. And so, for just a moment, he indulges in that curiosity. He leans forward, carefully, and kisses her. His hand goes up, tangling his fingers in her hair.

It’s happy here. In this moment, it’s warm. In this moment, the moonlight feels as though it is covering every inch of his body. In this moment, he feels as though he could stay here forever.

—————

When Anakin and Obi-Wan arrive back to the apartment from gathering intel the next day, she’s already gone to her interview. Luca’s working on an astromech as they all wait, eagerly, for her return.

“She’s been waiting on this for forever,” He says as he grabs another tool.

“She seemed awfully excited this morning,” Le’Ana speaks up from her desk. “But I don’t think she’s been sleeping much.”

“She never does when these things come up,” Luca replies. “Hey, Le’Ana, could I borrow-“

She’s already tossing the tool, something small that Obi-Wan can’t quite make out, before he’s even finished the sentence. He catches it, giving her a nod of thanks before he continues his work.

“How often does she have these interviews?” Anakin asks. Le’Ana shrugs.

“It’s been about two months since her last one, but it’s so sporadic.”

“We never really know what’s gonna happen,” Luca says.

The apartment returns to silence. Minutes pass that feel like hours. The holonet is playing on the table in front of Obi-Wan and Anakin, but neither of them are truly paying attention.

And then there’s the soft sounds of the door opening, and she walks in. She looks exhausted. Her eyes are low, her shoulders have fallen. She moves through the main room without really looking at anyone. Obi-Wan’s gaze follows her.

“Hey-“ Luca begins, but Le’Ana cuts him off with a look. The door to her room closes softly behind her, and the main room is left with a silence that feels much worse than before.

“I’ll go check on her,” Obi-Wan says. He can feel Anakin’s gaze on him as he gets up, but he continues anyway.

He closes the door behind him, and sees her sitting on her bed, head in her hands. He sits beside her, his hand going to her back. His touch is quiet, barely there, but she still leans into it.

“I’m so tired of this,” She says, muffled by her hands. Obi-Wan stays quiet, letting her continue. “I keep believing in the stupid notion that I can change things.”

“You can-“

“No! I can’t Ben!” She looks up then, her eyes watery as her eyes catch his. His chest sinks. “I’m sorry,” She whispers, “I’m not yelling at you I’m just so frustrated.”

“This wasn’t the one, that’s okay,” He says.

“I only have one chance left,” She replies. “There’s only one more candidate, and if I don’t get a job-“ She sighs, “I don’t even want to think about it.”

They stay quiet for just a moment.

“It’s just-“ She begins, “I’ve been told my entire life that I would find opportunity here. I was told that this was the place to be if you wanted to change things. If you wanted to work and help others, this was the place to do it.”

She stands up then, moving away from Obi-Wan as she stands near the front of her room.

“But I was lied to,” She says. “My entire kriffing I was lied to!”

Obi-Wan stays on her bed, watching as she paces back and forth, her voice gaining volume.

“All of the kriffing posters, the messages, the ads on the holonet, all of it, was a lie! They told me I could be whatever the hell I wanted to be here! I never wanted to be kriffing jobless!—Depending on two kids that I was supposed to help.” She turns to Obi-Wan, “I was supposed to be the one helping them! I can’t deal with all these lies anymore, Ben, I-“

“Obi-Wan,” He whispers.

“What?” She asks. She stops her pacing, she looks frozen.

“My name. It’s not Ben, It’s Obi-Wan.”

“You’re joking with me, right? You’re not-“

“I’m being serious, I promise.”

Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to look up at her. He knows this was for a mission, that he had to be careful about it, but he can’t help how awful he feels.

“What else have you lied about?” Her voice is broken, wavering.

“Nothing,” He replies.

“Is that why you wouldn’t tell me anything about who you are? Because the entire time you were lying to me anyway?”

“I promise-“

“Stop with the promises!”

He looks up. He regrets it. She looked exhausted before but, here, now, she looks betrayed.

“I wanted to tell you.”

“Why couldn’t you?” She asks.

And once again, Obi-Wan hesitates.

“I- I can’t tell you that-“

“Get out,” She whispers. “Please. Leave.”

Obi-Wan and Anakin leave Chandrila later that night, when the air is cold and the moonlight is shining on the streets.

—————

Coruscant is especially warm this time of year. Obi-Wan’s hair has grown longer since those days on Chandrila a year ago, now sweeping around the side of his face elegantly rather than awkwardly kept short. And what was once just stubble has turned into a beard, which Anakin has described his adamant hatred for quite often. Obi-Wan keeps it partially to annoy him.

But it’s a year later when Obi-Wan and Anakin are called to guard Senator Mon Mothma on her visit to Coruscant. The assignment brings back memories. Ones that Obi-Wan wishes he could forget. He often lays at night, watching one of Coruscant’s many moons, and thinks about that night on the hills, or the night in her room.

He hates how he still feels that curiosity. And he hates how he still feels that sinking in his chest when he thinks of her.

Obi-Wan and Anakin stand on the landing port, patiently waiting for the transport to arrive with the Senator and her team. Master Windu is with them, fully prepared to give introductions when the time is right.

In the distance, Obi-Wan sees the transport. He straightens his shoulders and back, and Anakin follows him, both of them with their hands behind their backs. The transport lands with ease, guards stepping out before the Senator and the rest of her advisors.

Obi-Wan closes his eyes to take a breath, and when he opens them, he swears he’s seen a ghost.

Because what once was an exhausted young girl, with barely anything to her name. A girl who looked out at the stars with him the first night she’d met him, a girl whose laugh felt like home, and a girl who kicked him out a year ago, was now standing in front of him. Her hair had gotten shorter, and now she stood before him in regalia that was elegant enough to combat the Senator’s.

Where she once had her thin hood and her baggy comfortable pants, she now had red, formal pants with a white and gold top. Her gaze first met Master Windu’s, and then her eyes quickly scanned the room before, finally, landing on Obi-Wan.

And then, suddenly, she had that same caring look.

“Senator,” Master Windu said, “It’s wonderful to have you here on Coruscant. Master Kenobi and his padawan Anakin Skywalker will be escorting you throughout your time here.”

“Thank you, Master Windu,” The Senator replied.

Obi-Wan’s eyes flick back to her throughout the entire night. As he and Anakin guide the Senator, he finds that his curiosity has come back. He wants to know what she’s thinking. How she’s feeling. If she’s as much of a mess as he is.

It’s a lot, all at once.

That night, in his temporary room, just a few doors down from the Senator, he finds himself watching the moons again when there’s a soft knock on his door.

“Come in,” He replies, and he’s met with the sound of someone coming from behind him. He’s too busy watching the moonlight to turn, he already knows who it is.

“It’s not exactly the Chandrilan skies, but I suppose it’ll do,” She says. She comes up beside him, leaning onto the window sill.

“I assume your last chance worked out?” Obi-Wan asks.

“After you left-“

“You kicked me out-“

“You lied to me-“

“I couldn’t tell you I was a Jedi!”

Their eyes meet, and they both break into quiet laughter.

“You’re as annoying as ever,” She says.

“It’s part of my charm,” He replies.

She rolls her eyes, lightly knocking his shoulder with hers.

“Anyway, after that mess, I got another interview scheduled for the following week. Then, before I knew it, I was working for Senator Mon Mothma.”

The moonlight catches on her clothes, the gold detailing in her top lighting up. It gives her this glow, one that Obi-Wan can’t explain.

“I suppose I should’ve been paying more attention to Chandrilan politics,” Obi-Wan says.

“If you had you would’ve seen the implementation of a certain policy named no more forgotten children,” She replies.

Obi-Wan can’t help the way he breaks out into a smile. She notices, because her eyes light up in a way Obi-Wan would adore to see more of. She lets her eyes fall over his face, and slowly, carefully, she raises a hand up to his cheek. Obi-Wan lets his eyes close, leaning into her touch.

“Your hair’s longer,” She whispers.

“And yours is shorter,” He replies.

“It fit the whole ‘political advisor that could murder you if she wanted’ look.” Her lips quirk into a smile as she speaks, her head tilting as she jokes.

“Obi-Wan,” She whispers. His name feels like a calling when it comes from her lips. He closes his eyes again, letting himself lean in closer.

“Yes?”

“I’ve missed you,” She says.

“A little dramatic for only knowing someone for three days, don’t you think?”

Her head falls down to his chest, her arms going to wrap around his neck.

“You are so annoying.”

“And yet you came back.”

She looks up then, “I did.”

Obi-Wan brings a hand up to her cheek, and she smiles, bright, the kind that reaches her eyes. And then, without reproach, and without thinking about the Jedi, or the code, or his curiosity, he pulls her in, and kisses her.

The moonlight feels like home, when it wraps the two of them together in its glow. And in that moment, Obi-Wan felt happy. Truly, undeniably, happy.

[rangerslayer-97]

An Analysis of Ahsoka and Windu's Interaction in TCW Finale Season 7 Episode 11 - Why Windu's Comment is in the Right

It's been 28 days since the Clone Wars finale finished. It has been 31 days since Episode 11: Shattered aired. This was the infamous episode that had a good majority raging anger at Jedi Master/General and Council Member Mace Windu.

In the opening 5-6mins, we see the Jedi Council meeting via hologram, the scene we see taking place on Coruscant in Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. Moments after, Ahsoka walks in with Rex. Now, this opinion might put me in the crosshairs of some people who will think differently, but I have an inkling or belief some are misinterpreting this particular scene.

Let me make it clear first: I love Ahsoka. She is one of the greatest characters brought into the Star Wars mythos by George Lucas and brought to life by Dave Filoni and voiced wonderfully by the talented Ashley Eckstein. Do you want to know how much Ahsoka Tano means to me? I wouldn't have come back and embraced Star Wars again had I not discovered her character watching random Rebels clips on YouTube which led me back to the Clone Wars ~2yrs ago.

I greatly thank Ashley Eckstein for bringing me back to the fandom. Back to the main point, separating voice actor/actress from their character. In my point of view, I'm NOT directing it at EVERYONE, but some of those who love or big fans of Ahsoka so much there's no fault in her. Her character had faults in the beginning and she's still a flawed character. Ahsoka is flawed, but so well written, she is relatable and to a certain degree, perfect. That's not what I'm on about. It's about the lash and some giving Windu the slap because of how he addresses and speaks to Ahsoka post-capture and detainment of Maul.

We all know, but to refresh some, Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, this effectively removing her status as a Jedi Padawan and Commander of the 501st Legion of the Grand Army of the Republic. She chose to walk away and strip herself of everything, military rank and privileges. She is essentially a standard citizen trying to survive and make ends meet of a cruel galaxy, in a dying Galactic Republic. We are well aware, the twilight of the Republic and the Jedi was near, inevitable and unavoidable. So let me reiterate Ahsoka's stance, because this is an important point. Tano is a CITIZEN. She's a CIVILIAN.

Push forward to the Siege of Mandalore, without a doubt, some time has passed and Ahsoka's walkabout took place before the Bad Batch arc, with Republic on shaky battle grounds against the Separatists on Annaxes, which it's sitting on a major hyperspace lane direct to Coruscant (way too close for comfort).

By the time Ahsoka fills in the Council about the status of Maul and Mandalore, here comes the scene that had a lot of people running up the walls of how Windu addresses and treats Ahsoka. Let's remind ourselves of some vital quotes and points. Ahsoka was not a Jedi, she gave that up. She could have chosen to enlist directly into the GAR instead as a commissioned officer or take back her position as Commander via the GAR. Positions and military rank were given to the Jedi by their own status in the Order. Knights and Masters given General, Padawans ranked Commanders (Obi-wan an exception since he had a Clone Marshal Commander).

The Siege of Mandalore was going to be a sticky one despite success because Mandalore is a neutral planet, though it had links to the Republic, but is very much neutral. I won't go into complexities, but visit the YouTube channel Generation Tech, they did a very good exploration into it. I'll avoid politics standpoints for now.

Back to the primary point. Ahsoka stated she only fought in the siege as her duty as a citizen, but as not a Jedi.

"I did my duty as a citizen." - Ahsoka Tano

She also says prior to that statement:

"I will escort Commander Rex when he delivers him to Coruscant." - Ahsoka Tano

Finished with:

"No, not yet." - Ahsoka Tano

This is the key point here. Ahsoka is a citizen. She aided as a citizen, fought as a citizen and she is taking time out to escort Commander Rex and the 332nd back to Coruscant. After that, she would have went her separate ways (but we all know disaster strikes). To make it clear: Ahsoka Tano is a citizen who freely involved herself in what would have been a campaign, part of the Outer Rim Sieges and in extension, Jedi business.

Now, the statement Windu make upon the 'wrapping up' of the meeting.

"I'm sorry, citizen, but these are matters for the Council to discuss." - Mace Windu

And this where lovers of TCW nearly flipped the table. The scenario was read and interpreted as rude and maybe even condescending on Ahsoka, despite her service in the siege. However, I think the scene is being read incorrectly.

Ahsoka openly stated before the High Jedi Council that she is a citizen, only fought as her duty as a citizen. How often in real life do you hear a citizen involving themself in a military campaign? It's almost unheard of, but this is Star Wars and it's fiction, but there is real life influences that make logical sense.

In this case, there is without a doubt somewhere in the regulation handbook of the GAR that under any circumstances are civilians NOT to be disclosed to military information. Military information and even to involved in the Council meeting, it's something not be shared with a civilian. Sharing what is classified information is a MAJOR breach in security. I'm not saying Ahsoka is a spy (though she does become a pretty badass one one in Rebels), but because of her status as a civilian, she cannot be disclosed such information. Heck, even if the boys wanted to see her again, Ahsoka cannot walk into the Clone Barracks anymore. She probably can, unless someone escorts her, people like Rex or a fellow General such as Anakin.

We already know Windu is getting stressed by the war, almost desperate to end the war and we all know the action he takes in the film. Windu does love the Republic, if I'm correct, it was quoted in Stover's ROTS novelisation, he thought he is doing best for the Republic.

Anyways, I think there are those being too harsh on Windu. Think about it again, I'd you were in Ahsoka's shoes, a citizen after fighting in a siege, essentially part of the Clone Wars, neither you would be privy to sensitive information. Windu is stoic as it is, it's not his attitude, it's his tone that came across as condescending. He was only repeating what Ahsoka stated to them, so his mindset was: "alright, you called yourself a citizen, then you shall be treated as such". Yes, his tone might not have helped much, but he is right. Ahsoka could be disclosed what is highly sensitive and classified information. If they did, just because she used to be part of the Order, it is A MAJOR BREACH in security protocol.

To repeat: Windu is correct to tell Tano that she cannot be disclosed what goes on in a Council Meeting or the situation of the war. It is all down due her status as a citizen. It would be a different story if after leaving the Jedi, she reinstated herself by enlisting with the GAR.

Just remember that despite misgivings, Windu is a highly valued member of the Jedi Order and a highly skilled one. He is also powerful in the Force. Before the war broke out in 22 BBY, he was trained as a Jedi Guardian, up to the events of TPM, he was already a Master of the Order and even one of the best swordsman of the time. He was first taught under Grand Master Yoda, then his years as Padawan up to the Jedi Knight Trials learning under Jedi Master T'ra Saa. At a very young agree too, he discovered his rare Force ability to see shatterpoints in the Force. This skill greatly aided Windu at how hissy would his future actions, along with the vulnerability of the opponents he faced. Because of his ability in shatterpoint, Windu even had glimpses into parts of the future of how he works build his lightsaber.

Windu also created one off the most difficult lightsaber forms that the Jedi Order forbade except to even and perhaps even his own student: Master Depa Billaba. Quinlan Vos is another notable practitioner. A counteract style to Form VII: Juyo. He created Vaapad, along with another Jedi Master named Sora Bulq. Quoting Windu on his description when he created the form:

"I created Vaapad to answer my weakness: it channels my own darkness into a weapon of the light." - Mace Windu

Windu had his own struggles with the Dark Side and he channelled that into a form. To use ones own inner darkness and channel it into a weapon of the light and not even fall in the process. It's an opposite of Juyo, the style being more of a 'state of mind' and not just another fighting style. To channel their own darkness and accept the fury of an opponent whereas Juyo as described by Kreia:

"Predictably, he seeks to unbalance you with his erratic attacks. His technique is called Juyo, the most chaotic of the lightsaber forms. This form sacrifices much to bolster offense, leaving one exposed to attack by the Force." - Kreia

This post had gone on long enough, all I'm saying is to maybe read the interaction between Ahsoka and Windu a little bit differently. Windu is correct not to disclose classified information, even council information especially with her status as a civilian. Perhaps don't be quick to judge Windu or even just think twice. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get out of my head.

[legobiwan]

I’m freaking out because i just...i’m SO psyched for the Kenobi series but i’m so afraid that they’re gonna give him a romance. I hate it because i...i just, and you’ve talked about this before, he’s he perfect Jedi. To Obi-wan, being a good person IS following the code, even after the order is gone. He wouldn’t have realistically ever left the order for kryze (even tho i don’t consider that canon that always felt ooc to me) or the others bc he’s completely devoted to the code above all else 1/2

Especially after what he saw happen to anakin and padme because of that attachment. I highly doubt he would, 8 years later, be willing to even have temptation of a romantic partner. And god forbid we hear more Rey Kenobi theories. I’m just worried Disney is going to do a disservice to his character bc hollywood HAS to have a romance plot in everything. Do you think they’ll go down that route? 2/2

So we’re dealing with a few different issues here. Let’s break this down:

“The Perfect Jedi”

Obi-wan attempts to be the perfect Jedi. He tries, oh so hard, to keep himself at that exacting, impossible standard. Of course, no one is the perfect Jedi - not Obi-wan, not Yoda, not Mace Windu - and certainly not Qui-gon. (And yet there is something in there, the delicate balance of striving towards excellence as opposed to striving for perfection, and it is an important distinction, one that I don’t think the Jedi, as a whole, always got correct as a sense of extremism took root within certain sectors of the Order.) Now, the reason behind this predilection - well, we could point at a few factors. Obi-wan’s sense of impostor syndrome (not at all helped by one Qui-gon Jinn, who seemed to be constantly thinking Obi-wan was somehow behind on his development, as shown in Master and Apprentice.)

(There’s a whole other meta I’ve touched on regarding the whole inter-Lineage…I don’t want to use the word trauma, but let’s just say they all inherited their predecessors’ issues and manifested them very differently.)

But yes, from the get-go, it seems that Obi-wan needs to prove himself. To Qui-gon, as a Padawan. To Qui-gon’s memory, when he takes Anakin. To Anakin, to prove he could be the Master of the Chosen One. To the Council. Etc. It’s a lot of pressure on one person. And the thing is, Obi-wan cracks, more than once. His sardonic, biting sense of humor is indicative enough of his less-than-perfect adherence to the Code, not to mention all the rules he bends for Anakin, his devotion to Satine - which is an interesting case study. In the end, Obi-wan does not succumb to Maul’s taunts to go feral/Dark Side but Obi-wan’s actions on Mandalore, precipitated by his very un-Jedi actions regarding Satine, set off a cataclysm of far-reaching events. As does his refusal to kill Anakin on Mustafar, which could be construed as a wild infraction of the Jedi Code. I mean, had Obi-wan killed Anakin, made *sure* of it and not walked away, what would have happened?

And yet, he tries to do good. Even as he realizes his faults, his part in moulding galactic events. Obi-wan could have done more, could have done differently, and yet despite his awful circumstances, he never gives in to hate. He is flawed, imperfect, but still holds on to some core part of himself. And I think that core part is something…that’s not the Jedi Code. The Code, in the end, is meaningless after Mustafar. (And I really REALLY hope the series touches on this idea of loss of faith, because Obi-wan held on to the Code so tightly, as a way of justifying so many of his actions because what else did he have? And I love existential crises when they’re not my own. HA!) The Code may have been his way of telling himself he was doing good - was doing what Qui-gon wanted, what the Council wanted, what was best for Anakin…but I wonder when Obi-wan sat down and thought about what he wanted for himself? Without expectation, without other people’s narratives. (Okay, so I may be projecting a bit here.) 

I’m getting off-topic here. Would Obi-wan have left the Order for Satine? No. He would have thought about it, fantasized about it. But at that point, he would have been too wrapped up in expectations to actually do anything about it. And by the time the Clone Wars came around? He was too responsible, too enmeshed. And…you know, I get it. I’m around Obi-wan’s age in TCW/RotS. There’s so much narrative to unpack in your life, so much expectation that you can internalize or throw away and whose story is it anyway? Those around you? Your own? Some odd mixture therein? But Obi-wan wasn’t ready to let go of that narrative, of those expectations, of the ghost of Qui-gon and so, no, he wouldn’t have left the Order. But there would be nights, those nights. When the lights have dimmed in the quarters on board the Star Destroyer, when the company you keep is an empty durasteel table, half a bottle of Corellian whiskey, and twenty years of what if…

But you were asking about romance, about attachment. (So often conflated, although never one and the same. Or perhaps they are different terms for the same idea, not love in the carnal sense but illogical devotion to someone or something. I always like the idea of there being many words, ideas for love, as the Greeks made popular in our culture. Love, or attachment to an idea or a thing can be just as wonderful, as intoxicating and dangerous as it can be with a person.) 

Realistically? An Obi-wan set adrift in Tatooine might get attached, despite everything. (The novel Kenobi does a fantastic job of illustrating this.) We yearn for connection, and someone who has all but cut themselves off from interaction with other beings…how long can you hold out? 

This isn’t to say I would support a full-fledged typical Hollywood romance in the series. Because honestly? Not the time or place. 

Now, if it is something where Obi-wan feels a connection with someone and then purposefully acts against it? I would be okay with this. As it would be in service to the idea that he is (tragically) cutting himself off, believing himself to taint others, to be less than. And given the trajectory of recent streaming, I’m more confident than I would have been a few years ago that a series can do without a “typical” romance. (Which…thank the gods for that development. I don’t mind natural romance (I’m looking at you, Good Omens), but the shoe-horned heteronormative plots I was forced to endure through the 80s, 90s and early 2000s were…tiring, to say the least.)

We’re in a new era now, with these streaming services, with the impact fandom has on media, with social mores changing for the better, in my opinion. (But seriously, it’s wild for an old fogey like me to watch unfold. A little weird, I’m not going to lie, but on the whole, a positive development.) I’m going to put my faith in a few things, including a) Ewan McGregor wouldn’t have signed on to this if it weren’t going to be something interesting and nuanced (and gods know he held out long enough, so I’m assuming the man has standards) and b) Disney wants our wallets and has a pretty good grasp of its demographics (probably a scarily accurate grasp, but that’s another story for another time), so I’m not too worried about a prototypical romance plot.

Now, as to Rey Kenobi theories, I have to admit, I enjoy them, only because I’ve been struggling for more Kenobi content recently. I doubt that’s the route they’ll go down, especially in light of all the rumours circulating about Episode 9. And so, in the end, what I hope (and believe) we’ll get is a very human story about a man who tried to live by a narrative and failed, and tried to reconstruct himself not totally escaping the chains of those events and people, but still trying to do good.

[magic-owl]

prompt: unanswered questions, Star Wars (it's vague but I'm sure you've got something

Everyone who likes Star Wars can follow me for Star Wars stuff on my Star Wars blog, @twilightofthe

I did the thing! Sorry if it wasn’t what you were looking for, but I really needed to practice writing a Padmé voice, and this cute little thing was what came to mind!

• • •

The first time Anakin asks Padmé to marry him, he is more than a little drunk.

Well, not drunk, per say, but certainly drugged.

It is the morning after the Battle of Geonosis, and the massive Republic cruisers sent to retrieve its new army from the battlefield are due to arrive back on Coruscant in a couple of hours.

Aboard one of them is Padmé, who has just finished having her own injuries from the battle redressed by a med-droid, and is absolutely not using her being in the medbay anyway as an excuse to go searching for the handsome face that had whirled back into her life with all the heat and intensity of a summer sandstorm.

It takes a couple of tries, peering into rooms to see other wounded Jedi, offering Senatorial thank you’s and well-wishes. She is the only civilian on board.

Eventually, she peeks in and there he is. Her heart does that new, terrifying, exhilarating little twist it’s made a habit of whenever she sees him, and if she hurries into the room to take a seat in the stool pulled up next to his sleeping form, well, no one else is there to see her.

And if she makes the mistake of looking too long at him, face soft and young and beautiful in slumber, gods, if she looks at his hand— or lack of, anyway —well, there’s no one there to apologize to as she ducks down and trails her lips across his brow, his nose, his cheek, the barest of breaths against his half-open mouth.

She hasn’t seen him since they were separated in the battle, since she held her own side by side with those new clone soldiers, since she had been swept away in the aftermath to medical for the claw slashes on her back, to emergency holocalls with various senators including the Chancellor to discuss the oncoming war, to a hasty gathering with the assembled members of the Jedi Council to recount what exactly had happened when her and Anakin had decided to leave Naboo.

(She doesn’t mention Tatooine at all.)

She hadn’t even known Anakin had landed himself in intensive care until she had asked faux-casually as she could manage how her assigned protectors had fared, and a councilor, she couldn’t remember who, had taken pity and told her.

She hasn’t realized until now just how frightened she had been, just how much she’s missed him, and she’s scared that the thought no longer scares her. Yes he had lost his hand, but he could have died and she wouldn’t have even been there to say goodbye...

As she steals that hint of a kiss, he shifts, mumbling incoherently against her mouth, and she freezes, jerking her face backwards until she’s hovered a respectable distance over him, watching in anticipation as his long lashes flutter. His nose twitches as one of her loose curls brushes against it and she quickly sits up to wrap the offending strands into a messy bun. When she turns back around, he’s watching her, goofy smile on his face and blue eyes sparkling under half-lids.

“Hiya, Angel.”

Padmé feels herself flush like the giddy teenager she never got to be. “Hello, Ani. How are you feeling?”

“Y’ so pretty,” Anakin informs her, completely ignoring her question and tilting his head to the side, gazing at her adoringly. It’s incredibly endearing.

It also isn’t quite right, Padmé decides, as she notes the hazy glint in his eyes, the dropping of his mouth, the slurring of his words as he babbles something else about angels and how he’s in love with one— her heart takes flight at that part, and she has to forcibly pull it back down again. She spots the number of tubes and wires trailing beneath the sheet he’s tucked tightly under that lead to the stump on his wrist, and she realizes she doesn’t even know how he was injured.

“Anakin,” she laughs, tilting away from his left hand as it emerges from the sheet to paw at her face, catching it in her own. “You’re still on pain meds.”

“What? Nah.” Anakin’s nose wrinkles adorably. “‘Kay, maybe a little. Jus’ a bit. It’s a happy buzz, s’all.” His eyes meet hers again and she can feel the hand she’s captured tighten around her fingers. “You make me happy.”

Something catches in her throat, and Padmé is forced to swallow before speaking. “You make me happy too,” she says honestly, and it’s the truth.

“Heh.” He offers her another dopey smile and it takes all of her trained, Queenly restraint not to kiss it right off his face. She settles for stroking a hand down his cheek as he leans into it.

He still hasn’t answered her question though. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asks gently, nodding towards where his stump arm is draped across his chest in a protective mechano-casing.

Something darker stirs in his eyes, and she just squeezes his hand in comfort, treading as lightly as she can. “You don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Anakin scowls, shaking his head and running a thumb over her knuckles. “Dooku,” he eventually spits out.

Padmé bites back her own snarl at the mention of the Count. “I hear he escaped,” she says evenly. “I’m sorry.”

“My fault,” Anakin mutters. “Mastern’I were fighting ‘im. He hurt Obi Wan, n’ I tried t’ take him alone. Failed. Yoda had to save our asses.”

Padmé can tell that from his averted gaze and the way he’s leaning his missing limb away from her, right now it’s his pride that has taken the most serious injury. Unable to help herself, she raises his grasped flesh hand and kisses it. “I’m just happy you’re alive and safe.”

Rolled eyes and a snort. “Not all of me.” He waves his stump in the air for emphasis. “Gonna be part cyborg, gonna set off all th’ metal detectors.”

A giggle escapes Padmé at that, and she stifles it quickly in fear of upsetting him, but when she looks at him she just sees proud content on his face. He’s happy he made her laugh.

She smiles reassuringly, now gathering both his stump and his flesh hand together in hers. “Well I can promise you I won’t have any metal detectors. You’ll be safe with me.” She kicks herself inwardly. What am I saying?

He turns a charming shade of red and ducks his head slightly, staring at their connected hands. He mutters something under his breath, and she nudges him. “Come again?”

He looks up at her now, blue eyes shining with a new sense of eager urgency. “I was just thinking,” he says slowly, “that maybe you could give me your hand...”

Okay, now he’s definitely been on the medication for too long. “I don’t think that would work,” she tells him, struggling to hide her laughter. “I kind of need my hand, and it’s a bit small for you, wouldn’t you say so?

He pouts again. “That’s not what I—“

“And here I was worried about leaving you by yourself.”

Padmé almost has a heart attack, whipping around to see Anakin’s master leaning in the doorway.

“Hey, Master,” Anakin greets him casually, as if he’s not still gripping Padmé’s hand with his remaining one. “See, Padmé, just look at what Dooku did to his leg!”

Obi Wan is currently wearing pants so Padmé can’t actually see what happened, but from the way he grips a cane to support himself and the bags under his eyes, she can tell he’s had a rough time. She wonders if he’s slept yet.

“Hello, Anakin. Senator Amidala.” He dips his head at her, and she realizes with a start that he must have been the one to pull the chair next to Anakin’s bed that she’s currently sitting in.

“Knight Kenobi,” she greets in return, starting to rise to give him his seat back, only for him to shake his head and motion for her to keep it. She resettles uncomfortably, trying her best to shake off any sort of prickly defensiveness. She’s only visiting the man who helped protect her, she’s done nothing wrong, nothing to feel guilty about.

Obi Wan’s grey eyes seem to hold no accusation in them, however, so she forces herself to calm as he enters the room. “How are you, Senator? You’re healing from your injuries, I hope?”

The claw marks on Padmé’s back twinge at the reminder, and she rolls her shoulders, surprised he‘s remembered. “I’m doing well, thank you; I can barely feel them anymore. And you?”

Anakin cuts in rather rudely. “Hey, Master, could you talk to Padmé later? She still needs to answer my question.”

Padmé blinks. “What question?”

“What I was just asking you about,” Anakin insists.

Hands?! She shoots a helpless glance at Obi Wan, who gives the slightest of shrugs and an amused smile before turning to Anakin.

“It seems you’ve caught the lady unawares, young one. Care to repeat the question for her?”

Anakin huffs. “I was trying to ask her to marry me.”

Silence.

“Oh,” Padmé says faintly. He wants my hand...

“Oh,” Obi Wan echoes, looking rather like someone has pulled the ground out from under him. Padmé thinks she knows the feeling.

“Well?” Anakin demands.

“Um,” is Padmé’s eloquent response, and Obi Wan’s hand goes to pinch the bridge of his nose.

There’s more awkward, dragging silence, and Padmé doesn’t know if she can breathe, and then at the same time—

“I am so sorry!” her and Obi Wan blurt out in unison.

“I’m not,” Anakin offers.

Obi Wan makes a frustrated noise, but otherwise ignores him in favor of Padmé. “You’re sorry?”

“I shouldn’t have woken him up!” Padmé gasps, hands flailing. “He needs rest, he’s still on medication—“

“I’m not that drugged,” Anakin says indignantly.

“It’s not your fault, I promise you this isn’t normal behavior for him,” Obi Wan’s own eyes are rather wide. “I know he meant no—“

“I meant it,” Anakin insists.

“He meant no offense,” Obi Wan finishes in exasperation.

“Please, none taken, it’s really fine,” Padmé promises, having stood from the chair at this point, noticing how her and Obi Wan have been circling each other like anxious buzzards.

“You guys look kinda pale, maybe you should sit down,” Anakin observes from the bed, patting both sides with hand and stump. “And Padmé—“

“You both should get some rest,” Padmé breathes, half-wondering why she hasn’t physically turned into a quivering lump of jelly to match her insides. “I should be going.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” There’s a frown in Anakin’s voice and she cant bear to look at his face.

“I’m sure you two will see each other again.” The assurance from Obi Wan makes her turn to him in shock. He’s staring right at her, and for the first time, she can see that the normally unreadable man looks as frightened as she is.

Will she reveal what Anakin asked her? Will she stay or will she go? Will she hurt him? that gaze says.

Padmé feels as though she must be visibly trembling, but she nods back, words addressed to Anakin but eyes straight on Obi Wan. “Of course we will, Anakin. I’ll still need someone to see me home safely after, won’t I?”

I’ll not tell a soul, how can I leave him, I love him, I love him so much it terrifies me.

“Okay, good,” Anakin says, and Obi Wan offers her the most tentative of smiles in return.

“I will see you both around, then,” Padmé tells them stiffly. “I’ll see you around”? Smooth, Senator... She gives them both a nod, turning on her heel and heading for the door. “Good day, Master Jedi.”

She hears Anakin call out “Bye, Padmé!” as she ducks through the doorway and scurries off down the hall, clutching her dress closely to her sides.

She knows she is considered attractive by a number of species, and this is far from the first impromptu proposal she has received over a lifetime as Queen and senator. Anakin, however, is the only one out of all of them who has ever made her want to answer “yes”.

Once they arrive back on Coruscant, it’s a whirlwind of rushing back to her home to throw on an appropriate outfit for the emergency Senate session the Chancellor calls immediately, struggling to make herself heard over the raucous from the pods around her as she makes a last ditch plea for consideration of any other possible routes they could take that wouldn’t mean civil war, despair when the vote falls in favor of it, even when she knew it was coming.

The rest of that week is spent making future plans with political allies, contacting the Council and confirming that yes, she is still to have an escort when she returns home, and solidifying the details of the trip back to Naboo itself, and what she will discuss with the Queen once she arrives.

The entire time, Anakin’s question is a burning flame in the back of her mind.

When the day comes that she is to travel home, she clenches her fingers tightly in the pockets of her traveling dress, worrying. Maybe he won’t even come, maybe they have sent someone else altogether to escort her back.

But no, there he is, golden hair gleaming in the setting sunlight, head bowed in respect but dark blue eyes peering up at her hopefully, both hands conspicuously hidden from view inside his robe pockets.

His master is walking with him, hand on his shoulder, but when they meet, Padmé is informed that only Anakin will be escorting her back; Obi Wan has business to attend to here.

Padmé doesn’t even have time to process what that means, that once again they will be alone together, when Obi Wan is stepping away, telling them to take care. His eyes meet hers for a brief moment and Padmé catches the double meaning.

I will always take care of him, she vows.

Then they’re boarding the ship and they’re taking off and they’re jumping to lightspeed, and they’re very much alone and Padmé feels like the ship is going much too slow, like her heart is racing parsecs ahead of them.

They both sit there awkwardly for a time, watching hyperspace swirl around them, before Anakin takes a deep breath and holds up his right hand, which he had taken out of his pockets earlier but has been sheathed in a black glove.

She can’t take her eyes away as he slowly, with unsteady fingers, unlatches the buckles and snaps holding it on, then slips the glove off. He offers the glove to her, but she takes the hand instead.

It’s a basic design, skeletal lines of metal shimmering from the light of space around them. He’s talking to her about it in a gruff, embarrassed tone, saying how it doesn’t look like much but it was what they had at the time, and he’s already drawing up blueprints for modifications, and then he’s cutting himself off with a shiver when she rolls the shining knuckles in her grip.

She looks up at him and he’s looking at her and now he’s much closer than he was before and then he’s kissing her. She kisses him back.

Surprisingly, it’s him who breaks it first, resting his forehead against hers. His voice when he speaks is rougher, lower, and that definitely does something for her.

“You never answered my question.”

“What question?”

She knows exactly what question he’s talking about.

He humors her anyway. “In medical, on the ship back from Geonosis. I remember asking you something very important, and you never gave me an answer. I know I’m not making it up.”

She lets out a shaky breath. “Oh. You mean the one you asked in front of your master when you were high on painkillers? I think I can remember that.”

He pulls away, making a face at her. “First of all, I was not that high. I was basically sober. Second, Obi Wan’s seen me way worse saying way dumber things, there’s no way he took it seriously.”

She arches a brow at him and he realizes his mistake, backpedaling. “Not that anything about this is dumb, stars no, ignore me. See, I say dumb things!”

She tries to look disapproving at him, but his panicked expression makes her crack into laughter, and now he’s just sulking. “I promise you, Padmé, I meant everything I said, and I won’t take it back.”

Her response surprises both of them. “Then ask me again.”

What am I doing?

To his credit, he doesn’t hesitate for a moment, taking up both of her hands in both his metal and flesh ones, looking deep into her eyes. She feels like she’s drowning in them. “Padmé, I love you more than the stars themselves. Will you marry me?”

She’s going too fast, is what she’s doing, but for Padmé at this moment, it feels like she’ll never need brakes again.

“Yes,” she breathes, filled with exhilaration from the speed high, and leans in for another kiss.

[ruindil]

I hope you’re as Pro-Jedi as much as I am.

Oh Force, you have no idea. I’m completely 1000% PRO-JEDI. (anyone who isn’t might want to skip this post, because I have a lot of feelings about Star Wars and the Jedi Order) 

Warning: long, long meta ahead :)

I’m one of those fans who grew up during the prequel era. So when I first watched Star Wars, I got to enjoy both the Original and Prequel Trilogies at the same time. And I fell in love with it. I loved the simplicity and sincerity of the OT, but the nuanced complexity and tragedy of the PT captivated me. I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. So predictably, I was enamoured by the most tragic character, Obi-Wan. His sense of duty and how he always tried so hard and remained bafflingly kind despite all the horrible things that happened to him. It was so lovely and heartbreaking to watch how he tried and tried and yet he still lost everything but didn’t hate the galaxy for it. And the more you love and understand Obi-Wan’s character, the more you realise that what makes him such a great person is that he is quintessentially a Jedi. 

Unfortunately being Pro-Jedi is a very unpopular stance among Star Wars fans. I have met so many fans who believe that the Jedi Order was some sort of emotionally-stunted, oppressive cult that deserved to be exterminated, and to be very honest, it breaks my heart every time I hear someone say that. Because it’s not true. Not in the slightest. Obviously, these people don’t understand what they’re saying. There’s lots of evidence in EU material. 

Allow yourself to feel the emotions, then let them go.

- Jedi Apprentice #17: The Only Witness

First case in point. This is what the Jedi mean when they say ‘there is no emotion, there is peace’. (There’s also the Old Jedi Code, but that’s a whole other story) The Jedi philosophy isn’t about shoving down your emotions or suppressing it, it’s about acknowledging it, accepting it, feeling it. And then releasing those emotions and letting go. 

And the code isn’t asking a person to constantly not feel. It’s about releasing negative emotions or emotions that could distract you in a particular moment. (Let’s say you’re sparring and you can tell you’re winning and you start feeling all excited. That same excitement, if not released, could very well cause you to act hastily and allow your opponent to best you.) 

Then we have Anakin Skywalker. A lot of people blame the Order for Anakin’s fall, saying that the Jedi didn’t understand Anakin because he was emotional and they didn’t allow him to be with Padme. And here’s what I have to say to them: no matter what kind of training the other Jedi initiates received, all children are prone to feeling their emotions very deeply. Just look at Obi-Wan, that poor boy was so obsessed with being perfect, yet he still struggled with his temper and his fear and anger well through his childhood.

Yoda had always told him that anger and fear drove him too hard, that if he didn’t learn to control them, they would lead him down a path he didn’t want to follow.

“Befriend them, you should,” Yoda had advised. “Look them in the eye without blinking. Use faults as your teachers, you should. Then rule you, they will not. Rule them, you shall.”

Yoda’s wisdom was engraved in his heart.

- Jedi Apprentice #1: The Rising Force

Fear and anger are the same things Anakin and Obi-Wan were criticised for. The difference, I think, is in their response to the rebuke. Anakin got angry about it, and Palpatine fueled this by filling his head with the idea that because he feels all this, he is special. Palpatine is preaching exactly what anti-Jedi fans are saying: that the Jedi are the bad guys because they think emotions are bad. 

Obi-Wan takes a very different approach to the rebuke, he acknowledges his weakness and listens. Contrary to what Palpatine tells Anakin, the Jedi do not shun emotions. Yoda clearly says that ‘befriend them, you should’ , Jedi are supposed to be familiar with their emotions and accept them, but they must be able to control them and if they need to, let them go.

Anakin’s relationship with Padme was not bad in and of itself. The trouble came because Anakin could not draw the line between loving and possessing. Marriage is against the Jedi Code not because Jedi believe love is evil or anything. It’s more because the Jedi recognise that it can be difficult to avoid attachment when you’re in such a committed romantic relationship, and they understand that it could cause a conflict between vows to the Order and vows of marriage. The rule isn’t there to make life difficult or painful for the Jedi. It’s there to protect them from attachment. They can still feel what they feel, but they can only love from afar.

In the end, attachment is the final and only enemy of the Jedi. Attachment to a person, to emotions, that’s what the Jedi are against. They are allowed to love, allowed to feel, but they aren’t allowed to possess. And that there is the important difference. Anakin loved Padme, no one doubted it, but when faced with the thought of losing her, he could not let go.

And that’s not to say that the other Jedi did not face the same pain as Anakin. They may not have had romantic partners, but they had family. This is another aspect of the Order that I adore, and Obi-Wan says so himself.

I’ve lived my life in the structure of the Jedi Order. Yes, it was an organization with a goal- but it was also a family. I said it myself: Anakin was my brother. I had many brothers and sisters. And fathers and mothers. And even a strange little green uncle. I don’t have that home now. I don’t have that family. Almost every friend I’ve ever had is dead.

- Kenobi, John Jackson Miller

Each lineage was family, initiate clans and crechemates are family. Each Master and Padawan pair was family. They loved each other, but they had to learn to let go.

Okay, final point. Anakin was prophesied to bring balance to the Force. What exactly does that mean? We don’t get a clear answer, but we can speculate. This comic is from a recent Darth Vader comic, and it is about how the Sith obtain red kyber crystals.

When I first read this I thought it was an excellent way to mirror the Sith’s relationship with the Force. The Jedi believe in serving the Force, in surrendering to its will. The Sith use the Force for power. (This point can be quite controversial, because domination and power is commonly the narrative of Western stories whereas servitude and surrender is seen more in Eastern fables and such.) 

Anyway, I like to think of the Sith as a corruption in the Force. They are like poison or a virus. The same way they make kyber crystals bleed, they pour their anger and hate into the Force and make the Force bleed. It is an anomaly and an unnatural state of being for the crystals and for the Force. And that’s because of the kind negative emotions (anger, hate) and negative energy they are emanating. The Force becomes corrupted by all the negative energy and that corruption manifests itself as the Dark Side. So by this theory, bringing balance to the Force isn’t about two Sith and two Jedi (this is probably the stupidest theory) nor is it about Gray Jedi (I have very strong feelings against the very notion of a Gray Jedi. It’s just utter nonsense.). Bringing balance is about removing the virus and corruption in the Force. It is about destroying the Sith.

So, The Last Jedi is coming out soon-ish, and I have to say I’ll be very disappointed if they chose to go with the Gray Jedi or the extinction of the Jedi route. I know it’s what a lot of fans want, but it isn’t what Star Wars has been about. To end off, let’s have a gorgeous quote from our favourite Jedi.

“We are not saints, but seekers,” Obi-Wan said, repeating a Jedi saying.

- Jedi Apprentice #2: The Dark Rival

The Jedi do not think they’re perfect, but they certainly always do their best. And I am so sick of this fandom for constantly criticising them and blaming them.