#anyway i refuse to actually read this light novel bc it's going to be my thirteenth reason. i will absolutey fucking snap

[lotus-pear]

the day i picked up dazai or smth idk i've never read it

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[thecrystalquill]

The Taming of the Shrew

A/N: hey hey it’s chapter 1!! Let me know if you want to be tagged or if I missed you out at all. And don't forget to read the intro bc I swear it's important that you get it!! Enjoyyyyy! :)

Masterlist      Series Masterlist    Prologue/Intro

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

Chapter 1: Technically-Philosophy and a Battle Against Society

•*•*•*•*•**•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

Bianca Stratford was absolutely beautiful. Her short light-brown hair bounced at her shoulders and her eyes shone with an adorable sense of innocence - and by Merlin did her yellow robes suit her exquisitely. She sat in the courtyard on this particular afternoon, talking away with her friends and practically glowing in the sunlight. No wonder Regulus Black was completely infatuated with her - she was truly stunning.

“Staring again?” A voice beside him interrupted, causing Regulus to flinch back and tear his eyes away from the girl. Of course his best friend would catch him at a time like that - it was almost as if he did it on purpose. “I honestly don't get what you see in her though, mate. I mean, I get it, she's cute and all, but really?”

Regulus was almost offended by his friend’s lack of attraction towards the girl, shaking his head in an almost practiced defiance that showed how they'd had this conversation before. “What are you talking about? She's completely perfect, and smart and funny an—”

“—And how would you know?” Jacob mocked, moving his strawberry-blond hair out of his eyes. “You’ve never even talked to her.”

“That's not true…” Regulus muttered, frowning defeatedly.

Jacob scoffed. “Oh, forgive me. How could I forget? She asked to borrow a pencil once in second year and you told her she could keep it - such a romantic moment. I'm sure she's treasured that lump of lead ever since—”

“—Oh shut it will you?” Regulus elbowed him in the ribs, walking back towards the school slowly, hoping to catch a word of the girl's conversation as they would soon pass. “She's completely pure!”

“Not to mention vein.”

“Don't be ridiculous!” Regulus argued as they neared the group, “she's so—”

“—Supercilious?”

“No, you're wrong.” Reg replied, rolling his eyes. “She isn't like that at all, she's sweet and mindful and—”

“—Mhmm,” Jacob interjected again, “and deep, I'm sure…”

“Well you see, there's a difference between like and love,” they overheard, glancing over to Bianca and her friends, Regulus feeling a little smug after his friend's last sarcastic comment, “because I like my Witches Weekly subscription, but I love my Monthly Magical Makeup parcels.”

Feeling slightly less smug, Regulus continued walking as his friend snickered behind him. Well, he thought, it was still technically philosophy…

“Look, Reg,” Jacob continued, wrapping an arm around his shoulders comfortingly, “I’m just saying, you could do so much better than her.” It wasn’t that he didn’t necessarily approve of Regulus’ love interest, he just didn’t want him getting his heart broken by a girl that wouldn’t give him the time of day; he didn’t need that, Jacob decided, and he would be much better off falling for someone a little more in his reach – Bianca wasn’t even allowed to date, no matter how much she might want to. But never the less, Regulus just wouldn’t listen.

  “So, how was your day?” Lily asked, strolling next to the (y/h/c) in the hallway, handing her bag over so she could wrap her robe around her waist, whereas (Y/N) had discarded hers long ago.

The girl shrugged carelessly. “Oh, y’know, people suck, teachers suck, school sucks. The usual, really.”

The red-head laughed and nodded along; it couldn’t be denied, could it? “Well, on the plus side, we only have just almost two years until we can leave.” She reassured – she always has been the more empathetic of the two.

“I can’t wait two years,” (Y/N) groaned, feeling her life being wasted away by hours spent doing homework, “I want to get as far away from here as possible – Australia maybe.” She half-joked, smirking at her friend.

“Well, until then, how about we go change then do our homework by the lake today?”

“Absolutely.”

The nearest common room was Slytherin, which was of course where they went; luckily the two did this so often, that they both had clothes in each other’s dorms. Some thought it odd – a Slytherin and a Gryffindor being such close friends – some even frowned at the very idea, but the two had known each other for so long (even before Hogwarts, having lived in the same area and going to the same park) that something as silly as a house rivalry could certainly never separate them. And it only sometimes became a problem with having their clothing in the same draws; Lily was somewhere between sweet and girly and incredibly casual in her style. Whereas, (Y/N) had taken more of a tomboy fashion in these last years. Still, they would occasionally accidentally wear each other’s things – but hey, who cares?

The girls changed and re-packed their satchels with only the essentials before heading out again. Just as they stepped through the exit, their conversation was interrupted by an incredibly pretentious noise. “Well if it isn’t Stratford and her little Gryffindor pet,” Malfoy teased, only to show off to his party of snot-nosed prats. “What’s with the camouflage? Running off to that muggle military, are you? Let’s hope you don’t come back any time soon.” He laughed with his peers, obviously thinking he had offended her – which would be pretty impossible for him, given that (Y/N) would have to actually value his opinion in the first place.

She did nothing but roll her eyes in response, “Keep walking, Lucy,” she dismissed with a wave of her hand, then continued on her route. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of a reaction; besides, calling him ‘Lucy’ was revenge enough.

Malfoy scoffed and angrily lead his friends into the common room, annoyed that his attempt was so easily deflated.

“Oough! Sometimes I really just want to hit him in the throat,” Lily growled, curling her fists at her sides. She hated Malfoy – they both did. He was a bully and an arrogant pureblood supremist who thought he could do anything just because he was loaded, of course they hated him! “Seriously, (Y/N/N), just give me the word and I’ll throttle him – I will!”

“I don’t doubt that, Lils,” she assured, shaking her head slightly in amusement. ‘Gryffindors’, she thought. “But if you really want to hurt him, I’d suggest going straight for the pride – cut off the ponytail.”

“Oof, that’s just evil… I like it.” She amused, subconsciously playing with her red hair.

It was an unusually sunny day today, considering that it was mid-October, but it wasn’t time for the snow just yet so they would make the most of their time while it was still dry, albeit quite cold. They sat against a tree on a plain of grass not far from the Clocktower Courtyard, and started working on whatever work they were given today; luckily enough, there wasn’t as much as usual.  “So…” Lily began, with a smirk that (Y/N) was both concerned and proud of, “off to join the military, are you?” They eyed each other playfully for a moment, occasionally glancing at their outfits before neither could contain their smiles.

“In a way, yes.” The Slytherin laughed and rolled her eyes mockingly, “I’m preparing for my inevitable battle against society.” She answered seriously, the corners of her mouth turning upward slightly as she looked down at her outfit: her comfiest cargo pants, her favourite boots, and obviously the camo-patterned vest she wore under her jacket. She looked comfortable, that was for sure, and anything but girly. But what was the social ideal of beauty compared to complete comfort?

Lily snorted. “Ever the dramatic, aren’t we?” She wasn’t surprised at all, to be frank. (Y/N) was very opinionated – which was a good thing, as far as they were concerned – and often felt at war with her peers and their social norms, so it was no shock that her style could reflect that; she always wore whatever she felt like anyway, regardless of what anyone would think. Lily hadn’t noticed that she had been too lost in thought to notice that (Y/N) had given up on her homework and was now reading a book. Frowning, Lily nudged her side to break the Slytherin out of her novel-induced trance. “Hey, you’re supposed to be doing Herbology,” she scolded; their observational notes still needed to be translated into read-able sentences and then converted into a short essay, “it has to be done by tomorrow afternoon.”

(Y/N) shrugged and turned a page. “Then I’ll do it tomorrow, at lunch. Right now though, I just want to relax a bit, yeah? Enough work for one day.” It was a new book that she was reading, having purchased it before the summer came to an end, and only now had she gotten enough time to make it past chapter two. It was an old muggle classic – as many of her books were – written in 1815 by Jane Austen. She wasn’t quite sure if she liked it or not yet, but (Y/N) was determined to make it at least half-way through.

“What are you reading, anyway?” Lily asked, still scribbling away at her parchment; she really was such a perfectionist when it came to her studies, making sure each sentence was clear and specific. “Any good?”

Lifting the book up higher in front of Lily, (Y/N) continued to read, letting her friend read the title and blurb. “S’fine I guess, can’t tell yet,” she mumbled, refusing to remove her eyes from the page.

“Picky…” scoffed the Gryffindor beside her, earning a kick in the foot, “just don’t forget about your homework, okay?”

(Y/N) only waved a hand in her direction. Although, she soon became bored of her book –  five chapters later –  and turned her head back to Lily, who seemed to be finishing her work already. How long had she been reading? “Lils, what time is it?” She asked, sitting a little straighter.

For about a minute and a half, Lily did nothing to answer the question, just held a finger up as she finished writing, crossing out a couple of things and replacing them; only when she read over the page to make sure that everything was correct and written as intended did she finally give her friend her attention. They stared at each other for a beat, until Lily recalled what was asked of her and looked down to the dainty watch on her wrist. “Half five,” She informed, catching the (y/h/c)’s eyes widen, “why?”

The Slytherin quickly started to pack away her things and stood. “I have to meet at my dad’s tonight, said I’d be there by five at the latest. I got to go – see you later, okay?” She rushed.

“What? No…” Lily complained, “lunch ends at seven, I don’t want to have to fend Potter off on my own!”

Five times a week, the Stratfords would meet at their family’s personal quarters – or rather, Professor Stratford’s personal quarters – to have a family meal and catch up and all that. It was usually quite tedious, but her father would go absolutely insane if they didn’t go – the man had issues. “I’m sure you’ll be fine for a while, I’m not your only friend y’know.”

Tag List:

@siriusement

@siriuslysirius1107

@missmulti

@izzy28901

[mikeshanlon]

iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

 Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

 But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

[space-cadet-magic]

Tag Yourself: Appletini Assembly Edition

have a no context introduction to our dnd group 

Ashyew - Fortnite dancing unironically; campfire smell; knows obscure facts about trees; those wood wick candles that crackle when they burn; not hearing your name the first time someone says it; “I wanna steal,” Over the Garden Wall; not having a favorite cryptid because you love them all so much; “Harold, that was my favorite arm,” Where the Wild Things Are; making up fun alternate universes you’d travel to with your siblings; “This sign won’t stop me because I can’t read;” doesn’t care what you’re fighting, will fight alongside you until she falls; lovingly makes fun of you to your face, beats up your bullies behind your back; “I can play guitar, but I only know Wonderwall;” loves you deeply but will take embarrassing pics of you while you’re passed out drunk; can french braid hair, refuses to braid yours; light filtering through aspen trees.

Hal - “But your honor, I’m baby;” addicted to brookside chocolates; smells like beachy hair; always has a snack on hand; “please god, let me have one good day?” “you again? give it a rest buddy;” “Hi, i’m hal, and i’m addicted to citrus fruits;” calls her friends to say i love you; does not differentiate between costume parties and fancy dress parties - will wear a spiderman costume to both; drinks dumb fuck juice and dumb fuck juice EXCLUSIVELY; useless lesbian; “dad pick me up there’s kids here funnier than me;” wants to be a rebel, latches onto authority figures around her; “daddy?” “DO I LOOK LIKE-;” has a diary, but it is NOT coherent; makes friends fast but loses them in the middle of her rock collection presentation; watches chopped and laughs when people she doesn’t like gets eliminated;

Krol - Socks with sandals; dancing like commander sheppard; can’t figure out how to email a standard word document; encyclopedic knowledge of world history; only drinks alcohol that tastes like fruit juice; human embodiment of a maraschino cherry (has potential for greatness with a dark past); your dad buying you frozen yogurt when you’re sad; the smell of your dad’s old sweaters when you pull them down from the attic; “I may be dumb but i’m not stupid;” big adoptive dad energy; “Don’t talk to me or my son or my son or my son or my son ever again;” buys 150 boxes of scout cookies so their favorite kid wins the contest in their troop; “big dreams” include a three-wheeler motorcycle; proud fold-up bike owner; “CHRIS, IS THAT A WEED?”

Morana - “Be gay, do crimes;” that image of the little girl smiling in front of the burning house; smells like lavender and leather; living embodiment of a really hot motorcycle; can kick your ass and will do so upon request; has a designated snack drawer in her desk; always has bandaids; touch starved but scared to hug you; that kid who had a crush on a girl in her class so she sent her a note saying “get out of my school;” women in suits; “but does she REALLY like me?” as she walks down the aisle; is too hot in her jacket but won’t take it off bc it’s part of the look; sneaks bacon off your plate at brunch; “we held hands, so we’re basically married, right?”; “i have a proposal-PROPOSITION;” booty shorts that say “enemy of the state” across the butt; reads romance novels under the covers at night w/ a flashlight; “what do you have?” “a KNIFE!” “NO;” little spoon; trinket collector; all the metal in her outfit has to match.

Ptah - No poker face; “I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH;” “Ptah found dead in Kalmar,” “is he okay?” “yeah but he died;” wears sunglasses indoors; wears flannels unbuttoned but tucked in; does interpretive dance to rap metal; loses their shit at the drop in “Hall of the Mountain King;” your roommate who is weirdly good at home repair; burns everything they cooks; can drink their own bodyweight in ale; big laugh, bigger trauma;  “pick three words to describe yourself,” “hmmmmm…killer alien vagina;” has not paid for music since 2002; might be the blurry bigfoot in every photo; “Can i have a piggy back ride?” grumbles but actually hyped as fuck to give you a piggy back ride; ripped as hell but wouldn’t want to kill a spider; “i’m may be doomed,” “but?” “no, no but;” when you jokingly hip check you they launch you out of orbit; eats the whole cheese plate alone; will always go get the extra ketchup when you’re nervous to ask; doesn’t let the customer service person bully you; if they’ve been on hold w/ a company helpline for too long they will physically manifest in the head office.

Zeph - The gif of the guy peace-signing into disappearance; “Do not address me directly;” “STOOOOPPP I could have dropped my croissant;” the way cold water tastes right after you brush your teeth; “Clouds” by BORNS; tries to learn fortnite dances but can’t do them (is lovable and wonderful anyway); can peel oranges in one piece; *surprised pikachu*; has, can, and will slap a bitch into next week; astral projects to avoid confrontation; can’t do it alone but WILL NOT ask for help; annoyed when you ask to share the cinnamon roll at brunch but saves the best bit for you; takes the shitty fruit in fruit salad so other people can have the good ones; “I love you” “what?” “I said i hate you please don’t look at me;” smells like a linen and sky candle; perfectly ventilated cuddle sessions; big and powerful “I woke up like this” queen; “I’m cold,” “damn jackie, I can’t control the weather;” not the taller person but always the one to get stuff off the top shelf; kisses u goodnight on ur forehead when you’re asleep.

@captainofthefallen @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels @devilishlyoperatic

[spaceshipkat]

Hey, I am the one who wrote those long WS post. Glad you liked them! Tbh, I want to talk about WS and you are giving me a chance, so thank you! To answer your comments: I understand why you might not want to read it because of drinking. Just because it is not as bad as ED bragged about, doesn't mean that is not there. S drinks in most of his chapters, gets a hangover but it is all treated both as a nbd (because no consequences) and as this huge reveal about his character. It falls flat. (1/?)

(2/?) Saints. Sorry, I didn’t make myself clear. The book IS about religion. It’s just not about saints. See, saints in Eastern Orthodoxy are humans who are recognized for their deeds and canonized. Martyrs are one type of them. (This should be the same for other Christian denominations.) In Eastern Orthodoxy, they are important because many people pray directly to them; they are a link between you and God. None of it exists in the book. There are no saints, just gods (plural).

(3/?) Saints are mentioned briefly in one line but that’s all. The magic system is based on gods on one hand, and blood magic on the other. And then there are things in the second part of the book that are neither/both but zero is explained. Once in S and M’s country, N can’t talk to gods anymore but she discovers she has her own magic. She also discovers that there are god-like (?) beings that require blood (but she knew that already?) And that a human could ascend to that higher power through

(4/?) ritual. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s what ED meant by saints? If yes, then it’s very offensive because it is shown to require a lot of blood and murder, which is offensive to Christian beliefs about saints. Though honestly, I don’t think this was her goal. Now, M: he is a strange case in which he is simultaneously the main character in importance, AND a love interest. We never see things from his POV, except in epilogue, and we are clearly supposed to have hots for him.

(5/?) Ending: SPOILERS! Tbh, I am not actually sure what happened. The last 1/3 of the book is so random and confusing and ED brags about it the way she brags about drinking. Those who were confused will be even more confused in book 2! She presents this as a complexity and cleverness of her writing but it’s actually due to a) poor editing and pacing and b) magic system never being explained with rules - it’s so arbitrary. Anyway, they all gather to the court to kill S’s father. The idea is that

(6/?) The reasons behind this is filmsy (it should stop the war for some reason?) and clearly there because ED wanted to have this plot point. The king wants to kill S and we find out why near the end: he needs his son’s blood to complete the ritual of becoming more than human. Of becoming ‘something like a god’. (But not a god.) So he kills S (or does he? S goes through something vaguely described and then wakes up “changed”.) So, the king is changed but N kills him. And then M takes a goblet

(7/7) and drinks king’s blood and takes the whole power to himself. Surprise! This was his plan all along. N begs him not to do it but he ignores her and transforms into a “monster”. It is unclear wtf happens but he develops wings and horns and flies away. The end. If this sounds wtf then welcome to the club. The whole magic system is arbitrary anyway. Nothing is described. Esp. since M was already described as a monster because of experiments that turned him into a vulture (iron claws, etc.)

(8/9) Oh, yes, one more thing! M & N actually mix their powers and link themselves in some way that is not properly described. There’s also this whole issue of vultures. Those are blood mages who are experimented on so they have inhuman aspects like iron claws and ability to turn into a column of blood(?) M is their leader. He is described as a monster in the whole book and N feels herself attracted to him (despite of? that.) But then in the end, he turns into a more of a monster through ritual?

(9/9) Last one, I promise! Sorry for spamming. All in all, WS have some good ideas and themes but it gets all lost behind THE MOOD. Blood, decay, danger, snow, blood, blood. This is the most important here. That, and M. Everything else feels like an early draft with some ideas but no coherent story to tell them properly. Pacing and editing are way off; things happen out of nowhere, ppl change clothes in the next line, etc. It has potential, but like it’s been published before it’s ready.

thank you so much for coming back to explain more! i’ve been frowning at my screen while i reread this a third time because...yeah i don’t get it. what’s even the point of the book? i mean i admit i do look for themes and expect the books i read to have some purpose behind them, even if that purpose is pure enjoyment. but the problem that crops up again and again is the fact authors pitch themselves as something they’re not--and sure we can all claim to be something we aren’t, but when you do that on a platform of a book that is being hailed as the Next Big Thing and recommended by authors who haven’t even read it yet (still looking at you, Leigh), you expect there to be truth behind the pitch, and WS absolutely does not have that. 

what’s so confusing to me, especially, is her agent’s role in selling this book. her editor is a newbie, so i don’t have too many expectations from her, but with her agent? absolutely, because her agent is known for being a big seller in YA fantasy. she’s launched a lot of careers, many of them in that category and genre, so the fact she’s sold this one just doesn’t add up. you couldn’t even really blame it on a trend, considering Russian fantasies have been around for a while, some more popular than others, but certainly not to the extent in YA where people would be clambering after them. is it the blood magic? the saints? the villain love interest? 

i realize WS is only a debut novel, and those are often given more freedom bc the author is still improving their craft, but it all comes back to the issue i have with debut authors having heaps of success right off the bat: they get lax and decide to not fix the problems with their writing that people have pointed out. obviously this is what ED is already doing, since she boasts about confusion being complexity and refuses to acknowledge the fact that there are some people who aren’t comfortable with excessive drinking to the point where ED literally mocks them for having this concern. plus, we know ED isn’t that great a person anyway, since she’s gotten off scot-free (at least that i’ve seen, and i admit i’m not exactly involved in YA twitter these days) after lighting the fire beneath AMZ. 

sigh. this is all a ramble but i just...YA fantasy continues to disappoint me. i hate saying it, but i adore the category and genre and to see it leap years into the past this way...? i expected better. 

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part last)

I said I’d finish this book before it had been out for a full year, and that’s the 14th, iirc, so I have tonight and tomorrow, but I will finish this book tonight if it kills me, I s2g, I’m ready to be done.

Part 13 encompasses pages 1054-1233 (previous parts)

WE ARE SO CLOSE, GUYS

OH, I wanted to talk a lil bit about the end of part 4, now that I’ve had a sleep and some time to think about it. I still don’t really like it, but I think I can better articulate why.

I feel like a LOT of it is personal preference for Really Not Liking It when my Heroes Turn Out to Have Been Bad Guys All Along. that’s. not fun for me. I don’t find it appealing in any way. 

and I know that Brandon is a big fan of his lil ~Sanderlanches~ of emotion, but tbf I think the Recreance bombshell got a little lost in Taravangian’s deluge of bad news. The major impact of that reveal SHOULD have been--yeah, the humans are and have been the aggressors all along. But instead it gets a little undermined and rolled up wholesale into Dalinar Has Been a Bad Before and We Guess He Is Now Too. It feels like it should have been a separate moment for everyone--for ALL the monarchs in the coalition--to realize that...THEY are ALL the bad guys. All of humanity is the bad guys. But it gets overshadowed by their belief that Dalinar has betrayed them and gets dumped squarely on his shoulders so that it’s less about Humanity and more about One Human--who has been our hero for 3,000 pages and now just utterly crashed which is ALREADY upsetting enough without everyone else ignoring THEIR part in it all.

So what I’m saying is that I still feel like the end of part 4 was really badly handled as there should have been two, separate focal moments that got overlapped badly (worldbuilding vs character moments). But I’ve talked to Lisa and Alyx about stuff and I’m a lot chiller with the actual CONTENT of the reveal, and actually looking forward to seeing how that plays out. 

tl; dr: feeling better about the content, still very unhappy with the execution.

ANYWAY:

INTERLUDES

“Her people couldn’t be completely gone....could they?” Ah, Venli has reached the Denial stage of grief. that’s. good?

or rather, I suppose...she’s been there all along.

mmmm, I wonder if the different rhythms were created because the Parshendi don’t really do facial expressions, right? like they are crustaceaous, regardless of which form they’re in, so it’s not like shells do a good job at. smiling. Idk, I just wonder if the different hums are bc they don’t really interpret body language the same way humans do.

“The strongest and most skilled of our number are yet to awaken” YOU MEAN THERE’S MORE AND WORSE OF YOU? Great.

You know what I want? An Edgedancer size “novella” about Rysn.

wait, I thought larkins were bad?

aren’t larkins bad?

nvmd, I asked Lisa, they eat stormlight, so Bad For Spren, but not inherently bad. I like having Lisa here to remind me of things I Knew At One Point But Have Since Forgotten Due To Reading So Many Other Things heheh

I love these two Thaylen nERDS

Vstim is a GOOD DAD AAHH

you know, that’s something that’s always sorta bothered me--how do Rosharans go around wearing jewelry that’s giving off enough light to see by? How is that not...overbright and distracting and uncomfortable?

WHOA WHAT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING MURDER 

omg the larkin is eating the gemstone that’s been glowing for 200 years, CHIRI-CHIRI NOOO

o_o

right

it makes sense that the voidbringers would have lightweavers, the fused are basically windrunners, but tbh I didn’t think about. you know. evil people that could disguise themselves as ANYTHING #YIKES

yeEAAHH MY GIRL

COME ON BRANDON, GIMME A RYSN ADVENTURE NOVEL. RYSN AND THE LOST TREASURE OF SOMEWHERE-WITH-TOO-MANY-CONSONANTS! PLS.

anyway, on to the main event for the evening: Megan Sobs Her Way Through the Teft Interlude i’m SURE

“the men of Bridge Four would tire of digging him out of trouble” NEVER.

HE HAS A SPREN

SHE’S BEEN THERE A WHILE, APPARENTLY!!??

HELP

uh oh

no

hold on

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG AT THE BRIDGE FOUR BARRACKS

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG

NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT

WHY ARE THERE BRIDGEMEN WHO ARE BLEEDING

I REFUSE

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF HE KILLS ROCK I AM NOT FINISHING THIS BOOK

I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING

HE KILLED ETH???? AFTER HE KILLED MART IN THE LAST ONE HE HAD TO GO AND KILL OFF THE OTHER BROTHER? FUCK OFF, BRANDON

NO

I’ DON’T WANT THIS

PART FIVE, LET’S GET THIS DOOOONNNE

........there are thirteen, maybe (probably) more POVs in this part?

fuck, Brandon, if I wanted to hop around that much, I’d suck it up and read Martin. Uggghhhhh, I hate this.

HAHA whoops, I didn’t realize it was a flashback chapter and I was like “why is present!Dalinar in a stormWAGON?” and then I realized

“wild chickens range this far east” and I KNOW they mean crows or blackbirds or starlings, but. chickens. is still. such a good worldbuilding note.

“felt both an anxiety to be finished and--at the same time--a reluctance to progress.” B I G M O O D

Brandon: *describes the Nightwatcher* Me, whispering: “yiiiikes”

“What is your boon?” “Forgiveness.” CAN YOU IIIIMAAAAGIIIIINNE

OH SNAP

is that...actually Cultivation?

“I didn’t get what I wanted.” “You got what you deserved.” OOF. OOF. How does fifteen points of damage taste?!

“I control all things that can be grown, nurtured. That includes the thorns.” HM

OKAY

I like her.

HA I WAS RIGHT

EVI WAS THE COST NOT THE BOON. HA

tbqh, I’m still not entirely clear on the boon. I guess...she took away the guilt? or the memories that made the guilt? hm.

HE HAD NEVER DESERVED HER.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA DAMN FUCKING RIGHT, DALINAR. GOD. YUP. AMEN

merrgghhhh pov shits within chapters grumble grumble grumble

oh dear

big battle time.

yaassss

ok, but the army of spren at the Oathgate might be friend spren. have you checked?

I’m still hung up on Kholinar, ngl, someone, for the love of god, tell me if Skar and Drehey are all right. alive. s o m e o n e pls care about these bridgemen as I do.

(and don’t say Kaladin cares, I KNOW HE DOES BUT HE HASN’T MENTIONED THEM IN 200 PAGES/FOUR WEEKS OF TRAVEL TIME, MMKAY?)

heh, Jasnah being all “Amaram’s bad guys can soak up the arrows while the rest of us escape” and usually, I’m very against the lil foot soldiers getting slaughtered for the misdeeds of their commanders, but if people are still following Amaram, they have Bad Priorities and I’m with Jasnah on this one.

I’m confused

Renarin’s spren is weird?

Jasnah thinks he’s a traitor?

I’m??? CONFUSED AND UPSET???

LET! THE BOY! LIVE!

WHICH ONE OF THEM IS CORRUPTED, IS IT JASNAH? MAYBE IT’S JASNAH?

Me: “Maybe it’s Jasnah???? She spent a lot of time in Shadesmar!” Lisa: “Maybe it’s Maybeline.”

She’s rude and I love her.

OH WHAT HOLD UP

VENLI IS IN THE KNIGHTS RADIANT CHAPTER?

or is it just...anyone listed at the beginning can be in any chapter?

SHE IS NOT LISTED SEPARATELY. HO SHIT

WHAT

YEAH THAT’S THE THING THAT BOTHERS ME: The fused just. sending in regular parshendi parshmen signers whATEVER TO FIGHT. THEY DON’T HAVE TRAINING. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MASSACRED. THAT’S NOT! GOOD! MILITARY! STRATEGY!

ugh, I’m still just. mad about the Recreance reveal.

The humans are the bad guys, fine. But the FUSED ARE DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY NOT THE GOOD GUYS??? so what was the point?

SEE SHIT LIKE THIS: “You are here to do as you’re told. In return, you are rewarded with further opportunities to serve.” what the fuuuuuuucckk

like, they’re still BAD GUYS

Here’s the thing--the Recreance reveal doesn’t really change anything. The human heroes are still going to choose the options that are “good” or “right”--Dalinar was already suing for peace, Kaladin was already making friends with the listeners--so saying “these humans in the past were evil” doesn’t change their choices. It doesn’t change the Fused’s choices either--saying “these guys were good in the past” doesn’t make them good guys now--OBVIOUSLY, just look at that dialogue.

So why bother?

The whole series is about choosing to be better, to do better, but the characters were ALREADY DOING THAT, they didn’t need an extra, super depressing motivator to do that. It’s just there to....reinforce the idea? That’s already pretty solid?

idk, I’m still REALLY struggling with this

sigh

back to Venli

hm

so, Odium can CHOOSE what he looks like when he appears--obviously he doesn’t REALLY look like a parshendi, bc he’s not actually their god. If the humans were the voidbringers originally, then he’s theirs, no?

also, # y i k e s, there he is

TEFT IS IN THE RADIANT POV HELL YAH

“You don’t want me. I’m broken.” YES, DARLING, THAT’S THE POINT.

I love him so much I just want to hug this sad uncle of mine

AAAHHH FUCK  THE KHOLINAR GATE

WAIT, MAYBE SKAR AND DREHY WILL SHOW UP FUKIN FINALLY

“This is winnable” IS IT THO

BECAUSE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN THIS BOOK HAS BEEN AND AIN’T THAT JUST FUCKING DEPRESSING

oh fun! the thing from the cover! finally!

Here’s the thing: three years ago, I would have loved this book. Three years ago, overwhelming odds and impossible battles and the downward, angst slide of all my favorite characters would have been SO MUCH FUN to read. But now? This year? I’m fucking over it. I’m done. Give me optimism or give me death.

I’m exhausted enough in the real world, I don’t need to be exhausted by the books I’m reading.

“You mind holds firm” UH HUH SURE. P SURE NONE OF THE FUSED ARE SANE, bUT THAt’S FINe

“Could he defeat six? Did he need to?” THE IMPLICATION THAT: IF HE NEEDS TO, OF COURSE HE CAN. I’M LOVE KALADIN SO! MUCH!

DO WE FINALLY GET TO STAB AMARAM!!!!!!!????? FINALLY!!!

DOES KALADIN GET TO KILL HIM? BECAUSE I WILL BE REALLY, REALLY MAD IF KALADIN DOESN’T GET TO KILL HIM

OMG I’M SO HERE FOR THIS

MY BOY

KALADIN RECOGNIZING HIS PROGRESS AND KNOWING THAT HE’S GOT SYL AND BRIDGE FOUR, AND PURPOSE AND THAT HE’S GONNA STAY ALIVE FOR THEM, FOR IT. THAT EVEN THO LIFE SUCKS HE’S GONNA STICK AROUND BC THERE’S GOOD PARTS TOO. KALADIN REALIZING HE’S STRONG AND STRONGER WITH HIS PEOPLE. I’M SO

MY HEART IS SO FULL AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

OOOHHH NOO THAT”S HOT

where’s my Kaladin alone in combat stance facing down 6 fused and GLOWING ART BC I NEEEEEEDD IITTT

my soul

I love him

my soul

You know what? Kaladin never gets the Thrill. I bet it’s because he’s too good for this world.

ahhh fuck they got the thing

at least Rysn and Vstim are still alive! for now.

why do they want the thing tho

whose heart is it

WORRIED ABOUT RENARIN 2K18

heheheh Pattern, “I do not like being stabbed” no, you are usually doing the stabbing, huh? heheh

ADOLIN KISS SHALLAN! ! AHH!! YAY!!!

SOFT BEFORE BATTLE THIS GOOD

god, yup. “Um, hello.” SPEAKING TO THE OATHGATE SPREN WOULD BE SO SCARY

the Argonath spren. Oathgonath? Argonoath? Argonoath. heh

I’ll take Bad Lord of the Rings Puns for 300, Alex

COME ON, VENLI. SPEAK ME SOME WORDS, GIRL.

Oh hey it’s Gawx! Wacky fun.

aahhh shit, it WOULD look like the Alethi were betraying everyone else for real. SIGH.

come on, Lift, get them to help. come on, come on, come on

can we unforbid it? esp since Honor is fucking dead and doesn’t care what’s forbidden or not?

“A man can rule his lands until the citylord demands his taxes. The citylord controls his lands until the highlord, in turn, comes to him for payment. But the highlord must answer to the highprince, when war is called in his lands. And the king? He...must answer to God.” BUT DARKNESS--WHAT IS GOD TO A NON-BELIEVER?

“Don’t be stupid. Let’s go fight those guys.” AMEN, NIGHTBLOOD.

“But it had always been nothing more than a rock.” YEEEESSSS OMG. SZETH!!! FINALLY UNDERSTANDING.

KALADIN NO

goddamnit

UH??? WHY IS NAVANI POV IN THE RADIANTS CHAPTER???? BRANDON??? WHAT DO I NOT KNOW?

Dalinar continues to be an extra son of a bitch, and I love him.

ok, I’m betting it’s just anyone’s POV can be in any chapter, ‘cause the symbol hasn’t changed. so nevermind. I retract my questions about Venli and Navani.

HI LIFT

I LOVE YOU

“Did you forget to feed them?” I’VE MISSED HER WHY ISN’T SHE IN ALL THE CHAPTERS

“Wyndle doesn’t like hurting people” I !!!! LOVE! THEM!

PLS BE CAREFUL ADOLIN AAAHH

NO???

NOOOOOOOOO??

DON’T?? STAB THE SUNSHINE BOY????

I’M?

his sord

w

swor

d aah

she protec hiom

uuuuuhhhhjfghmgdh

hmfzngrsmkdc

oh snap hold on

Hello Darkness is gonna swap sides? Not that he was really ever on our side, but like. “will make the transition to obeying the Dawnsigners easier” OBEYING? I’m.

that’s Not Great.

“Leave me”? ????? EXCUSE?? NO!!!?? ABSOLUTELY NOT, SUNSHINE BOY, WTF

he has more words

WORDS

GASP

AAHH

LISTEN, DALINAR, ADOLIN IS THE DUELLING BOY. IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A CHAMPION FOR A ONE-ON-ONE DUEL. YOU NEED ADOLIN. AND HE’S BUSY BEING STABBED AND ALSO NOT HERE AND I’M

YELLING

UNEXPECTED SZETH FALLING FROM THE SKY TO SAVE LIFT??? I’M HERE FOR IT

oohh szeth. honey bunches of oats. one day--one day--you will realize that you don’t actually need a master. and you will become something more.

even if you’ve picked dalinar as your new master, which is good, bc following good men is better than bad ones, buT STILL

also, how come we didn’t get to hear his Words??? I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE WORDS. BAD POV SWITCH MADE ME MISS OUT ON SKYBREAKER IDEALS. BOO.

UGH, STAB HIM, NAVANI

ah. ShalASH, got it

there’s Too Much going on, tbqh.

*quietest of wimpers*: taln

help

aahhh darnit, ok. it IS Renarin that’s corrupted. someone PLS let this boy have, like, A MOMENT of peace

oh for fuck’s sake

Let Dalinar fucking have a moment

COME ON

HE’S THE G O O D G U Y, PLS

I’m suffering

RESIST, DALINAR

AAHH

genuinely don’t think you should just be waving Nightblood around

sheathe that motherfucker

pls

also, if Szeth said his words, shouldn’t he have bonded a spren? Doesn’t have have a sprensword? so maybe he....could stop? using Nightblood? 

somebody help Taln, I AM TOO FAR AWAY TO HUG HIM PLS HUG HIM

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T USE NIGHTBLOOD

JUST SAYIN’

BLESS NAVANI. SHE HAS INVENTED THE TAZER

or possibly weaponized the Cruciatas Curse, but EITHER WAY: NICE.

“Dalinar pulled the Way of Kings close to his chest, clutching it like a child with his blanket at night” MOOD ALSO SAME I FEEL THIS ABOUT MY COPY, TOO

STOP KILLING BRIDGE FOUR

I WILL YELL AT YOU, BRANDON

I WILL SEE YOU ON THURSDAY AND I WILL YELL AT YOU

“Dalinar Kholin is no more” UH HUH, SURE

That would be boring. We’ve already seen the Blackthorn. It’s boring unless we get something new.

fuck off amaram

gross? not recommended.

don’t swallow foreign objects

something GOOD HAS TO HAPPEN SOON OR I’M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM

I’M TIRED GIVE ME HOPE

IT’S BEEN, LIKE, 300 PAGES SINCE ANYTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED

BRIDGE FOUR KEEPS DYING, ADOLIN GOT STABBED, DALINAR IS BEING TORTURED, FOR FUCK’S SAKE C O M E O N

(purposely forgeting Lift showing up and Navani tazing people in her assessment of how many pages it’s been since good things have happened)

NO FUCKING SHIT, KIDDO!!! THE FUTURE IS MALLEABLE!!! IT CHANGES!! OF COURSE IT CAN BE WRONG

oh

duh

even I had that wrong--the NEXT step, not the first

GOOD

STAND UP

AAAAHHH

“If I didn’t do those things, it means that I can’t have grown to become someone else.” AND YOU DID! YOU DID GROW! LOOK AT YOU! FINALLY YOU ARE REALIZING IT ONLY TOOK 3FUCKINGTHOUSAND PAGES AAAHHH

YAAAS

YOU’RE MY FAMILY

AAAHH

GOOD SOFT JASNAH!!! NOT A THING I EXPECTED BUT HERE WE ARE

“Maybe it’s time for someone to save you.” *MEEP*

hel p

that’s intense

AAAHHHH

EVI IS A GOOD AND I LOVE HER AND SHE DESERVED BETTER ALSO SOFT AND GOOD AAHH

# yikes

but like, a good yikes

yeah, you fucking better apologize to him

Taln deserves an apology form every single person on this planet, and that includes all the Heralds, and the Heralds owe him, like, a hundredbajillion apologies extra

I have emotions

and opinions

HE’S SO GOOD

AND SOFT

MY GODSON

OH MY GOD

OHHHH MYY GOOODDDDDD

HE’S SO GOOD

oh no I love him so much

TEEEEFFT

FINALLY

YES

GOOD WORDS I’M CRYING OH NO

HE’S

SO MUCH

all my soft boys

best boys

dominoes with crystal transformation? MORE GOOD YIKES

YEESSSSS

KALADIN!!!!!

VS

FUCKFACE!!!

HERE WE GO

LOOK KALADIN, YOU DID SAVE HIM!!! YOU PUT THE SYLSPEAR IN JUST THE RIGHT PLACE TO BLOCK THE SWORD AND YOU DID SAVE DALINAR, LOOK AT YOU

NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAB THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUT OF AMARAM

STAND UP AND DO BETTER

LOOK IT’S WHAT i’VE BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME

yes good, heal Adolin, thank you

GOD FUCKING BLESS

LITERAL ORDERS TO STAB THE FUCKFACE

THANK YOU

ofuck he did swallow it

Not Great

every time Adolin talks to his sword, my heart leaps. he actually apologizes and also thanks her and I just! want her to know! how much he loves and appreciates her!

WAKE UP, SWORD! MAKE HIM RADIANT!

COME ON

FUCKING

YOU ABSOLUTE HOOKWORM I CANNOT BELIEVE

TWO SHARDBLADES. OF FUCKING COURSE HE NEVER GOT RID OF KALADIN’S. FUCKING

PIECE OF

ROTTEN SHIT I’m. hate him.

so

much

ooohh Shallan!!!!!! I’m proud of her!! She’d created them to be strong when she wasn’t but she doesn’t need them now aahh!!

OH HEY, FEN’S SON DOES HAVE A NAME and it’s a garbage Thaylen name. Kdralk? all right then

“Life could not be lived making decisions at each juncture.” Szeth.... Szeth that’s. that’s...exactly what life is??? That’s. how you do, actually, live life? I’m ???? ??

‘at the top, they found a jumble of Sadeas troops chipping at a door with hand axes. “I can probably get through that a little easier.”’ HEHEHEH

Lov me a sunshine boy

GOD FINALLY

LET! NAVANI! GRIEVE! THANK YOU

ADOLIN IS SUCH A GOOD COMMANDER, GOD

EXCELLENT TACTICS

I’M SO PLEASED

It’s very satisfying to get Kaladin fighting Amaram and Dalinar fighting the thrill Unmade at the same time

fINALLY something SATISFYINg in this book

listen, I love having the visual of Jasnah’s effortless airsteps from the cover, but I’m still REALLY Disappointed that the covers don’t match up with the flashback character.

It’s Dalinar’s book, it should be Dalinar on the cover, but WHATEVER, WHELAN, ugh.

THANKS FOR ALL THE BROKEN BONES, I HATE IT

It’s never fair when the bad guy brings so many friends to the party.

SHE FINALLY HAS A NAME YES

MAYA IS A GOOD SWORD AND I LOVE HER

eeyyyy GOOD JOB, VENLI!!!

PETITION FOR SUNSHINE BOY TO STOP GETTING HURT

ngl, his is the battle I’m actually most invested in rn, other than Kaladin, I just.

want him to be okay

“half expecting Skar and Drehy to be there to pull him to his feet. Storms, he missed those bridgemen.” ME FUCKING TOO, ADOLIN. WHERE ARE THEY ARE THEY OKAY 

AAHH!! Renarin gets to protect Adolin THAT’S SO NICE GOOD

I ADORE that Lift and Dalinar are besties. It’s the BEST dynamic, such an interesting combo, and I LOVE IT.

“Amaram was screaming in pain.” GOOD.

WONDERFUL. AMAZING.

BRILLIANT.

FRAME IT.

Overconfident fuckface took his own helmet off, bless hiS HEART

“I hurt, once...after I killed your squad, I hurt.” OH BOO HOO, POOR BABY FELT A TWINGE OF GUILT FOR A HOT SECOND I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKWEASEL

oh, gross

thanks

THE SPEAR THAT DOESN’T BREAK AAAHHHHHH MY SOUL

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE WERE SO CLOSE

it’s ok, we just need one more good solid hit on that gemheart and we’re DONE WITH THIS LOSER

A DOZEN

RENARIN CAN’T FIGHT A FULL DOZEN BY HIMSELF? OH MY GOD

not good

uugghh fuck Malata, I DON’T TRUST HER

Renarin is very brave. A Good.

OH WAIT, TEFT CAN OPEN THE OATHGATE

YAAASSS

YAAAAAAAASSSS

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASASSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’M SO HAPPY

TEFT OPENED THE OATHGATE

LOOK AT MY BOYS

*SCREAMING CONTINUES*

PHEW ROCK IS ALIVE, I CAN KEEP READING

“YOU LOOKED LIKE PERSON WHO NEEDED HUG” ROCK IS THE BEST I LOVE ROCK I’VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH

Oh right, Dalinar’s still, like. doing stuff. I forgot, ‘cause it’s. Nothing’s happening with it.

Should be focal, but there’s. So much going on.

COME ON, KALADIN, YOU’VE GOT WORDS WEIGHING DOWN YOUR TONGUE.

COME ON, DARLING, PLEASE.

ok that’s acceptable

not ideal

but beautiful

a good, solid Rock.

I will accept this end.

Bridge Four is so, so, so important, I cannot express in words.

oh, quiet screaming:

Moash chapter

oooohhhh buddy

One day, you’ll wake up.

Until then, my very garbage brain will write fic, and it will be glorious.

how do people not ship this

he literally helped her remember herself

he recognized her in her sea of selves and pulled her out, cOME ON

THIS IS THE SOFTEST OF SHIPS AND I’M CRYING

AAHH VENLI!! PROGRESS!!! also what order, I must know

whoo Braize IS Damnation, called that shit, like, a book and a half ago.

“only Ishar survived with his mind intact” A RE Y O U V RE Y SU RE AB T T H A T? ???

oh. those are boring Words, but okay. makes sense, the Skybreakers are kinda. Meh.

ugh, we still have to deal with Hello Darkness My Old Friend? He’s going to come oversee training? ugh.

BEST KISS BEST KISS BEST KISS

OTP: NO MATING

OTP

BEST

KISS

YES

“You mentioned something about kissing me until I can’t breathe, but here I am, not even winded--”

B E S T K I S S BEST BEST BEST KISS

“I don’t think I loved her, Syl. I felt...something. A lightening of my burdens...” THE FEELING WAS FRIENDSHIP BUT NEITHER OF THEM HAD EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE.

“I knew you’d come for me.” brb crying forever

I don’t know if you know this, but I really love Bridge Four.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft. And we carry it.”

[cries quietly into that sentence for the rest of eternity]

TARAVANGIAN IS LITERALLY CONFESSING, BUT WHO WANTS TO BET DALINAR FORGIVES HIM AND STILL TRUSTS HIM

i s2g, Dalinar’s pure goodness is going to be the thing that kills him, in the end.

MOASH WHAT THE FUCK

JEZRIEN

I KNEW Ahu was a Herald, HA, but JEZRIEN HOLY FUCK  

actually dead or just bound in the sapphire bc it IS glowing, so. hm.

hm

god

Moash, plllleeeaasseeeeeeeee ugh

ahhh YAY LOPEN!!!

but it. should have been Moash. It was always supposed to be Teft and Moash and Skar and Rock.

And I love Lopen, really, I do. b ut.

I’m also:

~*~GARBAGE~*~

mmmmm ACTUAL FATHER? OR? HMM

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY ANCIECT GODCHILDREN OKAY? HELP THEM.

OH THANK FUCK

SKAR AND DREHY ARE OKAY

SKAR AND DREHY PROTECT THOSE WHO CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!????

THAT’S!!!! THEY DID THE THING???!!! THEY’VE GOT THE WORDS!!!

LOOK AT MY BOYS GO! LOOK AT THEM ALL!!

TEFT AND LOPEN AND SKAR AND DREHY!!!!

I’M SO PLEASED

oh yeah they saved the kid that’s good

LOOK! AT! MY! BOYS!!!!!

Taravangian might be the ONLY fictional grandpa that I dislike

I always like the grandpas.

but noT THIS ONE

hm

by becoming king of the world and then asking odium to spare everyone he ruled, he was going to save everyone.

Not

actually a bad plan

Not a great one, obviously. but. not a terrible one.

Too bad it was NEVER GOING TO WORK

oh fuck off, he stole the Honorblade, which means Malata probably killed Eth, so GOOD NOW I HAVE A SOLID, CONCRETE REASON TO HATE HER, GOOD.

“Why would [Taravangian] work with the enemy? Everything he’s done so far has been to secure a safe Roshar--if through brutal means. Still, I have to wonder. I can’t afford to be too trusting.” I CAN’T BE TOO TRUSTING, EXCEPT TARAVANGIAN, I’LL DEF TRUST HIM OF COURSE, Dalinar, pLEASE

I’m dying, you gotta. ugh

he’s EVIL COME ON

ppppssssssst

*put Jasnah on the throne*

we need someone who’s good at diplomancy, who can inspire people and command them! GEE WHO’VE WE GOT WHO CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND LOOK SHARP AF DOING IT?

I W ON D E R

oh holy shit, they actually did it

they actually did put Jasnah in charge

holy fuck

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

EXCELLENT

really moash

the stolen honorblade

HE WHO QUIETS --admittedly a great assassin epithet, but

Mooooooaaaaaaaassshhh

S I G H

okay, so we figured out that Sja-anat is anti-odium, that’s good. but HOW do we know that Renarin bonded one of her spren? just...’cause it’s corrupted and that’s what she does? or did I miss something more specific?

oh huh

ok

cool

OH!, he went to get Elhokar’s baby spren. interesting.

does that make Wit a Radiant? ‘cause I bet that’s not going to go over well heheheheh

WHOOOOOO I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Defo not my favorite, but it did pick up at the end there. Part 3 was A TRIP that I enjoyed and I’m still pumped that Bridge Four got 1. POVs and 2. SPREN that was really nice. I’m ~*~GARBAGE~*~ and there was some good garbage Moash content, so I loved that. The roadtrip was Sure A Thing. I love my sunshine boy, Adolin Kholin with all my heart. Aaaaand I’ll circle back to Part 4 and the beginning of Part 5 when it’s NOT 4am!

[jaeminlore]

Healing // Lee Jeno

spinoff to this

the prompt: could you imagine healer!jeno treating you after you tripped and scraped your knee bc he wasn’t looking where he was walking (he was too immersed in a medical textbook) and bumped into you etc etc

words: 1981

category: fluff

warning: heart attack mention, blood mention

author note: war flashbacks to when my anons all attacked me with fluffy thoughts abt healer jeno. this is for you guys.

- destinee

-

All his life, Jeno had been obsessed with the art of healing. The thought that a few rare plants mashed together and boiled could literally stop a person from dying was so amazing to him. When he was old enough to go to a trading school, he didn’t choose knight training like every other twelve-year-old. He chose healing.

He wanted to become someone others could look up to. Someone who could take care of others and make them feel happy and safe. So, as the only student who chose healing, he worked directly under the castle’s healer, Mr. Kim.

Mr. Kim was Jeno’s biggest inspiration. He had taken care of the king and queen, and had even delivered the crown prince. He had stopped a plague from starting by simply reversing it and having the entire kingdom drink a special blend of tea for weeks. He was amazing. Filled with knowledge of all kinds, he knew which plant you were talking about even if all you could do was give him the shape. All the information was formatted into his brain like a second instinct. Jeno wanted the knowledge of Mr. Kim.

To get this, Mr. Kim told Jeno that all he had to do was read. Read, study, and memorize until it felt like he was going to explode from all the information he was learning. Also, repetition was key. He was to be quizzed weekly on the things he had studied, all while retaining the practical information Mr. Kim had given him. For three years, Jeno had worked his hardest without giving up once. This is what he set out to do, and he was going to do it no matter how hard it got. People were depending on him.

Especially when Jeno turned sixteen, for Mr. Kim suffered a heart attack and died instantly. There was nothing to do, and no way to save him. Jeno, as the only healer left in the kingdom, was put in charge and given the title of the new castle healer.

He had no time to grieve, really. That was okay, since Jeno really didn’t want time to catch up with him and find him sobbing in a corner. Instead, he threw himself into studying even more. Any time he wasn’t helping someone, he was studying. One of his current obsessions was finding a common way to prevent sudden heart attacks. If there was a way he could make a tea blend to give to hardworking adults that would heal their hearts, he was going to find it. He was going to use every piece of information Mr. Kim had left with him. He was going to make his old mentor proud.

Jeno was lonely sometimes. His parents lived far away in the village, and he didn’t see them as often as he would’ve liked to. He had friends, a group of boys ranging in the highest rank of a prince to the lowest rank of a servant. There were seven of them, all loyal to each other as friends. Prince Jaemin was perhaps Jeno’s closest friend. The prince himself was lonely, as many people heard the rumors of him leaving a mysterious lover behind in the village.

Jeno and Jaemin leaned on each other a lot during their eighteenth year. Jaemin came to the Jeno’s clinic to escape the realities of royalty, and Jeno was able to study for a while as the prince labeled vials and stocked shelves.

Jeno never stopped studying. He never stopped finding new ways to invent news potions and pastes in an attempt to make his own medicine for heart attacks. So far, he had only succeeded in accidentally turning his tongue purple. How that happened, he had no idea. Still, he kept working towards his ultimate goal. This usually meant he could be found walking around the castle, his nose in a book filled with medical terminologies not even the king could understand.

-

You were a lady-in-waiting with a restless heart. Your mother wanted you to be the future queen, so you were never allowed outside of the castle. You were barely allowed in the courtyards, to be honest. With all of your lessons and fittings, you had no time to go off and do your own thing like the people you always read about.

Adventure novels were your favorites. Stories of men and women who refused to let anyone boss them around. Instead, they broke away from the norm and went off to fight battles much bigger than themselves. You wished to become one of those people. As soon as you were eighteen, you were going to move to the village without a word to your mother. You were going to live life without expectations and duties. Perhaps you would become a fishermen, or a shop owner. Perhaps you would go back to school and become a knight.

It was the weekend, and your mother had slept in. That was how you found yourself prancing around the court barefoot, your hair unbrushed and looking anything but ladylike. You greeted all of the officials and servants with happy greetings as you danced by, feeling the freedom that the wind offered you. You weren’t paying attention to anyone, which was perhaps the reason you were bumped into from behind. You were pushed to the floor, a stinging pain creeping up your legs as your knees hit the stone ground.

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I was reading and I didn’t see you. Are you okay?”

You pushed yourself into a sitting position and looked at the person who had pushed you. Suddenly, it was as if the wind had been knocked from your lungs. He was handsome. Not quite in the way the prince was, with playful glances and bouncy steps. No, this was a softer type of beautiful, and you found yourself liking it so much more.

He offered you a hand, which you took, stumbling a bit. You then pulled up your skirts and looked at down to see blood running down your legs slowly. “Well that can’t be good…” you said casually.

The boy let out a laugh at your unbothered voice. He simply gestured for you to put your skirts down. “Follow me. I’ll get you cleaned up.”

You followed, not quite sure who this strange boy was. Nevertheless, when he smiled at you, you felt he could be trusted. “Who are you anyways?”

“Oh, I’m Jeno.” He offered his arm to you, since you were struggling to walk. “I’m the castle’s healer.”

“Really? I thought it was a man named Mr. Kim.”

“It was.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck nervously as the two of you walked towards his clinic. “He passed away a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, patting his arm in consolation. “That must’ve been hard on you.”

“It was, but over the years it’s gotten better.” Jeno pulled you into his clinic, toward the small bed nestled behind a heavy curtain. It was the bed Jeno had slept in for years, but it also served as the only bed in the clinic. If there was a patient, Jeno slept on the floor. He helped you sit on the bed, since it hurt to use your legs. “I’m still so sorry about this.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled at him. “It was an accident.” You lifted your skirts above your knees, and Jeno looked away, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Then, I’ll go get some paste that’ll close it up in no time. How does that sound?” Jeno offered you a shy glance.

“Sounds great,” you said. “However, you should hurry. Once my mother finds out that I snuck out, she’ll kill me.”

“Are you a lady-in-waiting?” Jeno looked surprised. “I’ve never seen you around before.”

“I’m usually busy with lessons, and my mother doesn’t like it when I go around the courtyards. She says it’ll give me ideas.”

“What ideas?” Jeno asked as he searched through the many shelves lining his walls. He finally extracted a jar of light green paste. “Here it is!”

“You know, she wants me to marry the prince. I don’t want to marry him. The usual lady-in -waiting drama.”

“You shouldn’t have to marry someone you don’t want to. Besides, Jaemin doesn’t want a lady-in-waiting.”

“Tell my mom that,” you said.

He bent down in front of you and extracted some paste using a wooden tongue depressor. “By the way, this might hurt so I’m sorry if it stings. It’s the skin pulling itself together.”

You nodded and braced your hands on his shoulders as he spread the paste across your wounded knees. The pain hurt just as bad as the actual scrape, and you felt tears sting the corner of your eyes. “Why does it hurt so bad?” you hissed.

Jeno grimaced. “I need to work in the formula, don’t I? It works, though. Also, when is the last time your trimmed your nails? Because the depth they are reaching in my skin is amazing.”

You released your grip. “Sorry. Although, it’s your fault for making such a painful remedy.”

“You can hold my other hand,” Jeno offered, reaching his hand toward you.

You took it without complaint, squeezing it as he applied the paste to the other knee. He apologized again, feeling his hand lose circulation from how tightly you were squeezing it.

“It’s okay,” you squeaked. “I’m not good with pain in the first place so maybe your paste isn’t so bad.”

“Oh, your pain tolerance is low.” Jeno frowned, “I should make a pill for that. Maybe a little taffy that will give you a better pain tolerance.”

“Maybe you should,” you agreed as he brought out a roll bandages and began to wrap it around your knees.

“By tomorrow morning, there won’t even be a scar,” he said, proudly pinning the bandages in place.

“Thanks,” you said. “I should be able to hide it from my mom until then. So, I don’t need to return for a checkup?”

Jeno looked down, a soft smile on his lips. “No. But you’re always free to come back and see me if you want. You know, the prince comes here to get away from his responsibilities. I wouldn’t mind it if you did as well.”

Your blush matched his as you climbed off the table. “I might just have to take you up on that offer, Jeno. Now, what do I pay you?”

“Hmm?” Jeno was too absorbed in the excitement of you returning, that he almost hadn’t heard your question. “Oh! No need to pay me!”

You frowned. “Well, I shouldn’t get healing for free. How about this?”

“How about wha—” Jeno stopped mid-sentence as you leaned forward and planted a kiss on his left cheek. “—Oh, yeah, that type of payment is okay, I suppose.”

You giggled. “I thought it would be. I’ll try to come by tomorrow and you can tell me about all those weird terms in your book.”

“Oh, you don’t want to hear about those,” he said.

“I do,” you insisted. “Trust me. I want to learn more about you and what goes on in your head.”

“Really?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?”

Jeno shrugged, “No one really cares about my studies. They all ignore me and say I should’ve been a knight.”

“If you had become a knight, who would’ve taken care of me?” you asked innocently.

Jeno smiled. “You’re right.”

“Keep working hard, Jeno. I believe in you. I’ll bring lunch tomorrow so don’t eat too much beforehand, okay?” You began to leave, satisfied with his short nod.

“Wait!” he stopped you.

When you turned to face him, he smiled brightly, his eyes turning into crescents. “Is it like a date?”

You looked down bashfully, “Yeah. It’s a date.”

~the end~

[ellanainthetardis]

Hey! If you're still taking prompts,,, can u do one where Effie gets/already has/needs glasses but she doesn't want to wear them or smth so she's squinting around but then haymitch is like wtf wear them and then he thinks she looks hot in them and sexy time ensues?

AND

Hayffie prompt? Effie wears glasses but is really insecure about them bcof her mom or something and Haymitch sees her w/out makeup wearing them…? Andreassures her she’s always been beautiful or something like that maybe pre mjidk it’s up to you THANK YOU

AND

Most prompts in my inbox about glasses :) [X]

The Pink Glasses

Haymitch startledawake with a strangled cry, heart pounding inside his chest, eyes searching theroom for the nightmarish monsters that lurked in his dreams. It had been thepink flamingos mutts that night. And Maysilee, of course. Always Maysilee.

It took him a fewminutes to make out the familiar outlines of the furniture. It was a moonlessnight and not much light was spilling from the windows. With a sigh, he slumpedback against his pillow and rubbed his face. He waited for the unease to passbut it didn’t, not even after a few gulps of moonshine. Not that surprisingreally.  

At long last hegave up and got out of bed. It was only a little past one in the morning and hesensed it would be one of those nights were only a good dose of liquor wouldconvince him to go back to sleep.

He tried to avoidgetting wasted lately though, ever since Effie had showed up at his door. Shehad nightmares and he had taken to comforting her from them - or he tried to, at least.

He would get abook. Or watch something completely stupid on TV. Maybe that would do thetrick. He had half a mind to take a leaf out of Effie’s book and spend thenight cleaning the house just to have something physical to do.

He tried to avoidthe creaking floorboards but paused at the top of the stairs when he chanced aglance at the guest room. He could see the soft glow of the bedside lampslipping through the half-opened door.

She always keptthe lights on at night, she couldn’t sleep without them – unless she crawled in his bed, she had no trouble sleeping in thesemi-darkness then. He always woke upwhen she did that. He didn’t always let her know but he always woke up. Andthen, when he fell back asleep, he always slept better. Because there wasnothing more peaceful to him than having her within reach. Sometimes, theyended up cuddling and that was even better, the source of warmth at his side,the smell of her perfume… It was usually enough to make him feel safe.

He rubbed hiseyes again, really not in the mood to spend half the night trying to run awayfrom the ghosts lurking in the shadows. He wanted to sleep, in truth. He wasexhausted.

And he couldn’tafford liquor but maybe…

His feet took herto her room before he could talk himself out of it.

He pushed herdoor completely open with some hesitation, relaxing a little when he found herin bed, a book propped on her bend knees and ridiculously pink glasses perchedon her nose. He wouldn’t have climbed in her bed uninvited – his was alwaysopen to her but the reverse… he wouldn’t take that for granted.

She snatched theglasses off her nose and frowned a little at him. “Is something wrong?”

He made a face,shuffled his weight from one bare foot to the next and then stepped in, vaguelygesturing to the bed. “You mind if…”

He let hissentence trail off on purpose.

She studied him.He kept his gaze resolutely away from hers but he knew she could see everythingon his face anyway. The tightness at the corner of his mouth, the reddish eyes,the shaking hands… She had known him too long not to know the signs.

“Of course not.”she smiled, lifting the blankets in invitation and moving closer to her side ofthe bed. He climbed in without needing to be told twice, curled up on his sideto watch her, leaving enough space between them that she wouldn’t feel crowded.“Do you want to talk about it?” He snorted because it was a stupid question andshe rolled her eyes.   “Well, it was only polite to ask.”

“Won’t staylong.” he promised, wary of forcing his presence on her.

He wasn’t certainwhere they were at.

She lived in hishouse – as temporarily as she claimed that arrangement was – she sought him forcomfort but their friendship was on rocky ground since the war. And the part oftheir acquaintance that wasn’t friendship… Well… That part seemed to have beenlost somewhere. Not for him. That was the irony. He had reached Thirteen andsuddenly everything had been very, very clear.What he felt for her, how much he needed her… So obviously fate being the bitchit was, he had lost her to the Capitol. And he had gotten her back…

He had thoughtthey might be alright at first. The first few weeks after her rescue… She hadclung to him, had dismissed his apologies and explanations because she couldn’tdeal with them, had refused to stop and think about what had happened becauseshe needed him to go on. They had fallen back in bed, albeit hesitantly on herpart, a few times but he had known something was wrong even then. The changehad been gradual but he had seen it coming. When he had announced he needed toleave with Katniss…

He had nevermeant for that to mean they couldn’t be together but she had exploded in a rageof accusations. She had claimed he had only used her for sex – from the start –that he always left her behind, that he didn’t care… He had refuted everythingand had asked her to come with them but she had been hysterical in her mistrustand there had been no convincing her. He hadn’t had much time to do so either.With only an hour to spare, he had been forced to leave her to collect Katniss,very much hammering the nail in the coffin of their relationship.

He had honestlybeen surprised when she had showed up in Twelve, even more stunned when she hadquietly – and discreetly – asked him if he could host her for a little whileuntil she found a new place, a job and some stability. He had opened his house,of course, and his arms with it.

At no point hadthey discussed what had happened on the day of his departure for Twelve. Theyacted as if they never had a relationship that was more than friendship. Itwasn’t mentioned, it wasn’t hinted at and there was no clue that she wanted himto bring it up so he tried to respect her wishes.

“It is alright.”she hummed, looking back at her book. “You can stay the night if you want. Iinvade your bedroom often enough. Turnabout is fair play.”

Turnabout is fair play…

How many timeshad that sentence been used in a different context?

He chasedmemories of her delicate hands gripping his wrists out of his mind. Sneaking inher bed because he had a nightmare was bad enough, getting a boner once therebecause of a stupid phrase would be pathetic.

He didn’tacknowledge that offer even if he relaxed a little against the pillow. Hecouldn’t see what she was reading. She wasn’t usually a great reader, the onlynovels he had seen her read were romance stuff he certainly didn’t have on hisshelves. She hadn’t gone out in weeks and he was pretty sure she didn’t havebooks in her suitcase – she hadn’t brought much in her suitcase but secondhandclothes that were too thin for Twelve and all the mementos she had managed tosave from her apartment both after it was ransacked and after it was seized bythe government.

He couldn’t seethe cover and the few words he caught on the page didn’t tell him much. It wasvaguely familiar but it didn’t ring any bell. It was a paperback though somaybe she had found something she had liked on his bookshelf. He had a goodcollection of cheap Capitol novels he had picked up over the years. Crimenovels and thrillers, mainly. Not quite her thing, though.

His gaze traveledfrom the page to her face and he smirked when he saw her squinting a little.

“Those glasses mightwork better on your nose.” he teased, tapping the fist in which the glasseswere trapped.

She made a face.“They are just for comfort. I don’t need them.”

“Light isn’t goodfor reading.” he pointed out.

She pursed herlips and turned the page a little too abruptly. “I am perfectly fine.”

She clearlywasn’t but he wasn’t sure he wanted to press that particular button.

Fashion was fornatural looks thanks to the Districts’ influence, she claimed. And he knewperfectly well just how ill-at-ease she was about that. She never wore wigsanymore, kept her make-up light… She didn’t have the kind of money needed toafford a couture wardrobe… She wasself-conscious about the scars on her body… He had never known her to beinsecure before the war, not when she had still be in full battle armor, exceptwhen he had asked her to take the make-up and the wig off… It had taken him along time to convince her to let him see her bare and natural, even longer toconvince her he actually liked her betterlike that. She had eventuallygrown comfortable with being without artifices around him, simply happy that heliked what he saw, but she had never learned to see herself like he saw her.

So now, walkingaround with blond hair she judged too plain and not enough make-up to hide theflaws she always found on her face… She never hinted at not being at ease withthat but he saw it.

“I’ve seen thembefore.” he shrugged, taking pain to keep his voice casual. “It’s no big deal.”

But for her it would be.

He wasn’t evensure how she could have hidden the glasses as long as she had. He had onlyfound out during the Tour because he had walked in her room late one nightwithout knocking first to find her crossed-legged on the bed, hair pinned up ina messy bun, glasses on top of her nose and looking completely dead on herfeet. They had both been dead on their feet back then. They had spent halftheir nights on that Tour perfecting speeches and going over schedules to thepoint they hadn’t seen straight – and to the point she hadn’t really caredabout her looks because they had been too focused on making sure the kids cut it.

“Nothing is evera big deal for you.” she grumbled.

Again, he thoughtit would be wiser to let the matter drop entirely. But he had never been verygood at letting things drop.

“What’s thatsupposed to mean?” he retorted, probably too defensively.

She shot him aglare, opening her mouth only to close it again, take a deep breath and focuson her book again. “Nothing.”

“Oh, come on…” hescoffed. “Don’t do the passive aggressive bullshit.You’ve got something to say, fucking sayit. Never stopped yourself before.”

She pursed herlips in clear annoyance but when she talked, her tone was clipped and calm. “Itwas before.”

His irritationfaded. He slowly reached out across the space between them again, lightlystroking her forearm with a finger. She didn’t shrug him off and he countedthat as a win but she didn’t give any clue that it was welcome either so hefolded his finger, letting his hand rest there on the bed, not too far from herwrist. “Maybe we should talk aboutbefore, Effie.”

“About which partspecifically?” she chuckled bitterly. “The Games? Prison? Those are not periodsof my life I care to revisit.”

“Us.” he said.

How such a smallword could sound so ominous, he didn’t know. He was reminded of the terrifyingnoise of the bombs raining down on them in Thirteen. How a sound could be soterrible…

“Was there everan us to talk about?” she scowled and then shook her head. “I do not know whatyou want me to say, Haymitch. We never had anything. We had sex. We had…”

“It was more thanthat.” he spat, propping himself on his elbow just so they were at the sameheight. He didn’t want to have this conversation with her towering over him.“You know it was more than that. Notat first, yeah… But, come on,sweetheart… Maybe I was a stubborn blind idiot but you never were.”

She sighed andlet her book fall close on her finger, staring at the round light the lampprojected on the ceiling. “I cannot afford for us to fight and for you to kickme out…”

“I would never…”he protested.

“…or for me tofeel that I should leave because I am not saying what you want to hear.” shefinished without even pausing to acknowledge he had opened his mouth. “I havenowhere else to go.”

“You’re homehere.” he frowned. “Look, I’m a grown man, I can take a no and not be an ass about it.”

She studied himfor a few seconds, looking thoughtful. “A noto what question? Are you asking for sex?”

“No.” he snapped.“I’m asking for… I’m asking if…” He stopped, cringed at his own inability toword that stuff and eventually flopped down on his back and pressed the heelsof his hands against his eyes, wondering why he had even gotten out of bed atall. He should simply have remained there with his moonshine and… “Guess I’masking if there’s any hope you’re ever going to forgive me.”

“For what?” sheasked.

He chuckledbitterly. “Ain’t gonna make this easy for me, are you?”

“Not in theleast.” she confirmed.

There was a hintof teasing in her voice and he dropped his hands to look at her again. And shewas so beautiful… Reddish blond hair falling on to a little below her chin inwild curls, sparkling blue eyes, lips that begged to be kissed…

“Letting youdown.” he said at last. “I’m sorry for letting you down. I never meant for youto get hurt. Never.”

“I know.” shehummed, averting her eyes. “I had a few… chatswith Plutarch. What happened to me… You were not responsible for it. Iunderstand that and I do not blame you.”

“I should havegrabbed you and kept you with me.” he growled, old regrets railing their uglyheads. “Shouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do my job.”

“Protecting mewasn’t your job, Haymitch. Your job was to protect the children. My job was to protect all of you.” shecorrected.

“A man protectshis family.” he countered. That was how he had been raised. That was what hehad sworn to himself after his father had walked out on them. “A man protectshis…” Words failed him. He wasn’t sure which one was the right one. Lover would have been too dismissive. Girlfriend was ridiculous. Wife was too much and as inaccurate asit got. Partner was too vague. In theend he swallowed hard and shook his head. “You’re my family and I shouldn’thave trusted anyone else to protect you.”

“You thought itwas safer that way.” she pointed out. “And from what Plutarch told me, you didnot have much choice anyway. He was the one calling the shots.”

He suspectedPlutarch had tried to direct her anger on himself to spare him but he didn’twant to live in a lie. “I had weight. I could have insisted. I let themconvince me that the hovercraft could be shot out of the sky at any point andthat you would be safer with the prep team.”

“Was it true?”she asked, sounding curious.

“If it had workedout, then yeah.” he admitted. “But it didn’t and…”

“I do not blameyou for that.” she cut him off.

“But you blame mefor something else.” he sighed, rubbing his face. “For leaving with Katniss…”

“Not really.” sheadmitted quietly. “I was angry about you leaving me, yes, but I knew you hadto. I just… I did not want to be left alone.”

“You could havecome.” he said. “I told you… I wantedyou to come.”

“I did.” shepointed out.

“Yeah, after awhole year of silence and because you had no more money and no roof over yourhead.” he scoffed and immediately regretted it when she flinched. He grabbedher wrist before she could even think about doing something as stupid asfleeing. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m…” He sighed. “I ain’t good at this, sweetheart, you know I ain’t.”

“I wanted you toput me first.” she whispered, her eyes riveted to the hand encasing her wrist.“It is stupid, of course, because even then I knew the children had to come first, I would not havewanted it any other way either, but… For once, I wanted to be the mostimportant thing for you. It was utterly selfish, naturally, but as you so oftenpointed out, I am very selfish. Ijust wanted someone to put me first.”

He closed hiseyes, squeezing her wrist by reflex. “Katniss…”

“I know,Haymitch.” she sighed. “I know. They are your children and I come after themand it is as it should be but… It is hard to never be enough.”

“They’re yourkids too.” he argued. “And you’re enough. You’ve always been more than fucking enough. You’re… You’re so farout my league, it’s a joke.”

She rolled hereyes. “And yet you prefer a ghost to me.”

His heart misseda beat at the barely veiled reference to Mabel. He hadn’t spared a thought forhis dead girl in a very long time. Not like she was implying at least.

“Effie…” hefrowned.

But she gentlyfreed herself from his grip and he fell silent, watching as she placed theglasses back on her nose. She didn’t open the book again though.

“It hurts not tobe loved as much as you love someone.” she whispered. “I should be used to it,I know, but… I do not think I ever loved anyone as much as I have loved you. Ido not think you ever realized how much I…” She laughed and it was all wrong.Sad and bitter. “I would have left the Capitol if you had asked. If it had beenpossible for me to give up my citizenship and go with you to Twelve, I wouldhave. I knew you would never consent to live in the city with me so I wouldhave left it behind for you. I would have become a nobody for you. I wouldhave… I would have killed for you. Iwould have done anything to pleaseyou. I have loved you that badly.Blindly. Completely. I would have died for you and I almost did in those cells.Out of loyalty. Out of… I refused to hate you. They were harsher on me becauseI refused to hate you.” She sighed. “Ihate myself for giving you that much power over me. I was a fool. I am a fool. My mother was right all alongand that vexes me perhaps even more than you not loving me enough.”

It was a lot totake in and Haymitch clenched his jaw, torn between getting angry and defensiveand just being sad over the whole mess.

“You don’t knowwhat it is to lose people you love.” he stated quietly.

“I lost my familyand all my friends to this war.” she spat. “I lost my parents, my sister, mynephews… I lost Finnick. I lost…”

She fell silent,took a deep breath and breathed out slowly.

He took advantageof that, staring at the wall straight ahead, regretting having even startedthat conversation in the first place. “You weren’t sixteen and they’re not deadbecause of you. Ain’t saying it’s not hard, sweetheart, just… It’s different. Loving someone… For me it wasa death sentence. You know that. They would have used you against me and then…Then what?” He shook his head.“You’re angry ‘cause I made you a fool? Sweetheart, how many times did I makemyself a fool for you?”

“I do not see…”she started.

He scoffed,cutting her off. “I’ve been the butt of the joke ever since we slept togetherthe first time, Effie. Chaff and Finnick… Everyone else… They kept teasing andI kept denying and I was always the butt of the joke ‘cause they knew how Ifelt and it was funny to them ‘cause it was just ridiculous. Victor and escort…Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales.”

“We were not thefirst.” she pointed out.

“Sure, weweren’t. We weren’t the only ones.” he shrugged. “Ain’t the point, is it? Pointis… It was easier to make it a joke ‘cause it was too dangerous. I couldn’t fuckingbear a guy simply flirting with you, I almost killed a hundred of them just forputting their paws on you at those parties…” He shook his head. “I spent entirewinters obsessing over you, what you were doing, with who… You’re worse thanbooze sometimes… I crave you like…You’re like a buzz under my skin. And, yeah, I didn’t want it at the time‘cause feeling that much…” He lickedhis lips. “Losing you… See, I told myself again and again I hated you even whenI knew better deep down and it wasn’teven enough to stop me from… I lost everyone once and it fucking destroyed me. If I had let them know… If I had let myself know… I couldn’t risk that. Icouldn’t risk losing you. So I’m fuckingsorry I don’t know how to make pretty speeches, can’t even tell you how much I…Got no excuse, really, but I can promise one thing. It wasn’t about unrequitedfeelings. Never was about unrequited feelings.”

There was a verylong silence.

Then fingers brushedhis closed fist, stroke his skin until it unclenched and her palm could slidagainst his.

“We are toxic foreach other.” she said slowly. “There is too much passion between us. All we dois hurt each other.”

“That’s a lie.”he scowled. “At first maybe but now… I need you. You need me.” At least, hehoped so. “We help each other. We’re a team. We’re still a team, yeah?”

“Always.” shepromised with a  soft smile.

She played withhis fingers and he let her, bracing himself for the next part.

“You used pasttense.” he commented after a couple of minutes. She had said she had loved him and that…

“I have spent along time trying to convince myself my feelings for you are past tense.” sheadmitted. “But…” She sighed and placed the book on the bedside table to slidfurther down the bed, taking off her pink glasses to toy with them. She twirledthem by one of the branches. “You never treated me like Capitol men did. Thatwas what made it impossible for me to let you go. You saw me, the real me, andyou wanted me anyway. Plain and common Effie”

He snorted androlled on his side to steal the glasses from her hand. “I’ve never seen youlooking plain.”

A spark ofamusement danced in her eyes. “I love that you think I am not plain without my make-up and my wigs. And I love thatyou think I am not ugly with those glasses.”

“I’m liking thepresent tense.” he smirked, gently pushing the glasses back on her nose.“Though, I don’t think, I’m just stating a fact. You’re gorgeous. Anyonewho looks at you can see that.”

She leaned in andhis smirk softened. He strained his neck to meet her lips halfway, thirsty forthem like he had never been thirsty for anything else. It was a tame kiss, abit hesitant maybe. And the glasses were squashed between them, which made themboth chuckle like idiots.

“Alright, maybethey’re better off when we do that…” he commented, drawing back just enough toslip them off and toss them on the bedside table. Just in time for her tobundle his shirt in her fist and tug him in a kiss that was a lot less tame.

Well…

If he had knowntalking about glasses would solve so many unvoiced problems he would have triedit a long time ago.

[cheatos]

REC ME A GOOD IWAOI FIC TBH

““I TRIED MY BEST. AND DID A NSFW ONE ON UR OTHER ASK, HOPE THAT ONE WAS SATISFYING TOO!

I chose from my bookmarks bc those are the fics where I was like “I’d actually like to reread this fic at some point in the future”.

I’ve also tried to pick from … not exactly unpopular, but less popular fics that I don’t see on every single reclist out there, so yeah, I hope they’re all of use! 

HERE WE GO:

“dinner and a movie” by rikke, T+, 11k: As a good vice captain, Iwaizumi would do a lot for his volleyball club’s success and general welfare, including, apparently, fake dating Oikawa. - Basically one of the cutest fake dating fics I’ve read! i love the author and the language and the mood, it really is an adorable fic and I rec it to everyone!! FAKE DATING MY DUDE

“if i could fly” by hydrangeaes, T+, 11k: “I think I’ve always subconsciously relied on Iwa-chan" Oikawa paused, taking a second to look at Iwaizumi before adverting his eyes. “Whenever things went south, Iwa-chan would be there to fix it. I think a part of me knew that so it didn’t matter how much I overworked myself, Iwa-chan would always be there for me to fall back on.” - I fell over this fic because I was specifically looking for fics where Iwaizumi was the one going pro, since people usually write Oikawa being the only one, which is just. Well. This fic is amazing and Iwaizumi is amazing and the friendship he builds up with Kuroo and Yaku is amazing and Oikawa and–. Just read ittt

“phone home” by ghostystarr, g, 6.5k: Oikawa Tooru is currently orbiting Earth at 445 kilometers per minute, but falling in love with the voice in his ear makes it feel so much slower than that. - astronaut au!! this one was really cute and i’m pretty sure I read this like a long time ago when it just got out ish, I really enjoyed it and idk why but it stuck with me.

“as close as you need” by carxies, T+, 8k: Oikawa meets a boy that no one really believes in – so he does what someone before him should have. He out of spite befriends him, stubbornly supports him, gets dangerously close to him and gently teaches him all he knows. - oh man, this story was really really soft. i wasn’t sure about it at first, and the author is like on top 3 of the people i’d like to invite out for coffee and a talk right now, bc i have Questions.

“fake it till you make it” by chrystie and kate882, T+, 12.4k: "So you think he’s fake?” He weighed his options, and Iwaizumi figured he might as well bury himself in the hole he dug, “A bit,” was his simple response.And that was how chaos broke out in the live stream chat. Or: Iwaizumi accidentally starts a war with Oikawa Tooru. - Youtuber au. Not at all the kind of story i usually read, in general because i couldn’t care less about youtubers, but this was adorable and a really sweet story. I love friendly rivalry/banter too.

“bat those eyelashes” by ricekrispyjoints, T+, 3.6k: Oikawa’s a healthy teenage boy. He’s supposed to want to have sex. Clearly, it isn’t working out with girls, so he just needs to try something different. Iwa-chan is good looking, bisexual, and his best friend. Why shouldn’t he want to have sex with him?

“to shore” by perbe, T+, 5.6k: The summer before college passes slowly for Oikawa Tooru. That is, until the disappearance of Iwaizumi Hajime. (A mystery told in non-chronological order.)

“by the time you’re eighteen” by ricekrispyjoints, T+, 4.2k: “Tell you what,” Oikawa continues. “If you still haven’t been kissed by the time you’re, say, eighteen, I’ll kiss you.” Or: Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s adventures in dating, kissing, and birthday gifts.

“oh no, there goes tokyo” by souliebird, T+, g, 1.3k: Iwaizumi is six and the only person he would want to date is Godzilla.

”right here, right now” by minyrrds, T+, 3.8k: It’s funny, Hajime thinks, how easily this became routine. […] He had stumbled into The Cat’s Cradle and took one look at Oikawa Tooru and knew he was well and truly fucked. - COFFEE SHOP AU!!! so very cute

“brick by brick” by toffle, WIP, T+, 17.4k: After the defeat of the Grand King Oikawa, Iwaizumi seeks the Hero’s help to save his best friends life, and hopes that they can start again. - basically the only FHQ I’ve ever read and ever will read (oh god. except another one but i’m not gonna speak about that one in public, but i’d gladly praise stevie’s amazing writing anytime)

“stranger danger” by safra, g, 14.5k: iwaizumi refuses to give his personal details out to strangers on the internet while oikawa just wants to know his namealternativelyoikawa spends three months trying to convince iwaizumi he’s not a serial killer - and fails.

”the lifespan of asters” by russianpotatofarm, (MCD! HEED THE FUCKING WARNING!) T+, 7.8k: “What do you need?” Hajime asks. The patient’s eyes light up. A little, anyway. He looks like he doesn’t have much left in him, and if he does, it’s either caffeine or heavy drugs.“Great! So, what does glioblastoma mean, anyway?” or, "god damn i never should have gone to med school,” a novel by iwaizumi hajime (forward by yachi hitoka) - I’m pretty sure I wrote “please don’t ever reread this again lou” in my bookmark tag. why is this on the rec? no idea. it’s pain. but beautiful pain.

Sweet anon, I have so so so many more. I even have 10 more open that I wanted to rec, but I guess I can do that another time, hm? HERE’s my bookmarks if you’re interested, though!

[alo-piss-trancy]

Okay so now that I've beat the main game of dr2, y'all are more than welcome to send me asks about it, whether it's omo/other fic stuff or just chatting about it in general! That being said, I have NOT played through: Mo/nomi's fights against the beasts, the Alternate Story Mode, or read the IF light novel that just unlocked. So please stay away from those. I also managed to miss every fanservice scene's trigger despite having 3 whole Man's Nuts in my possession smh, gonna have to replay just up until those points eventually There are also several routes I missed which I would prefer not to have spoiled. (The characters I managed to max out in my playthrough were, in order: Ma/hiru, P/eko, Gu/ndham, So/nia. Then I got 2 or 3 fragments from Ch/iaki before the plot wrecked my chances. I don't think I spent any free time with anyone else.)

Important question: Do the free-time storylines match in the Alternate Mode (like they'll still mention the same backstory stuff they would if you spent time with them in main game), or are they completely different? So that I know if I'd need to replay the main game later on/watch different playthroughs to learn those other routes or if I could do everything in Alternate.

And a second question out of curiosity: In the part of the last trial where you have to pick between Hope (first sentence) and Despair (last sentence) and all your bars are glitching, does anything happen if you actually shoot one? I let it all run through so I could read everyone's dialogue first thinking it would let me restart like most of those go, but then got sucked into a whole looping cutscene because H/ajime refused to choose. I imagine that was the main one anyway bc Plot Reasons, but could you actually get smth else like an easter egg type scene if you chose the first time? Or would the gun not fire or Haji/me just say some variation of 'no I can't do that' and then jumps into the 'I won't choose' spiel/scene anyway?

Also that looping scene gave me a mini heart attack at first istg lmao. I really thought I'd somehow fucked up my entire game after over 60 hours the way I got P/5's Bad End the very first time I played because I misinterpreted Sae's question ajfkhl c':