#anyway i was in a situation and talking to my friend about it and they were all 'i will physically take the cinnamon donuts away from you'

[writingbynova]

The Party ★

★ & The After Party

⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ⊹ : pwp (porn with plot) - mdni - frat boys au - gojo & geto x nerd!fem!reader - party - bff drags u there - tiny mention of substances but no use - mean geto - protected sex - degrading - pet names - geto calls you: sugar/ doll & Gojo calls you: sweetie/ princess/ baby - rough sex - biting - overstimulation - threesome - slight choking/ breath play - hits of dacryphilia - missionary - Doggystyle - face fucking - praising - oral(m & f receiving) - mind breaking - dirty talk - fingering - getting caught (through the phone) - lmk if I missed any tags...

Word count : 3.6k

A/N : sorry js felt horny ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ (should have added toys but I'm sleepy) wrote this while listening the the party & the after party, shameless, often, I was never there, & coming down.

Majoring in Biology but never got fucked by two frat boys at a party ? Guess you didn't listen during the chapter of reproduction... Let's teach you some tricks shall we ?

"Going where? A party ??" you asked your eyes almost gouging out of their socket "Id love to but i don't think I can... And I wasn't invited. I have homework anyway it's better I stay and study"

You friend stands in front of your mirror, putting dresses up to her body to determine which one suites her best. They all do.

"Yeah whatever, good think wasn't asking you come. I'm telling you. Get dressed, Yuji is picking us up in 30 mins. " She says leaving you alone in the room.

Frat boy's parties weren't really your thing. Although you couldn't judge because you had never been to a party, you always focussed on your studies. Hence why you didn't even know where you were heading to. Nonetheless you headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready.

"You done ?!" You heard your friend scream from another room, while you applied some mascara. "You better be when I get there !!"

You sighed. You really didn't feel extremely comfortable going. You didn't know anyone except your bestie who was basically your polar opposite. Outgoing, friends and... Well 'closer' with the popular boys. While you were the awkward nerd who didn't know anyone and never interacted with XY chromosomes possessors. Majoring in Biology.

Your friends barged into your room just as you expected and you stood anxiously before her.

"Where you going?" She asked judging you up and down. "Uh.. you said a party" you muttered, this situation really wasn't your daily life. "No, I mean where are you going dressed like a Spanish teacher, you look a damn mess girl." So that's the matter. "Oh...it's that bad ?" "That bad ? You look like you got dressed in the dark"

Pink skirt and a purple top make a cute combo tho ? Don't they? Okay, maybe not then.

"You were seriously about to walk out dressed like a 6 year old girl? And where's your makeup ?" Truthfully she was being dramatic. "I don't wear makeup and I've never seen a 6 year old dressed like this" you clapped back "Only means they dress better than you." Ouch. Touché " We've got about 10 minutes to salvage this before Yuji shows up, go get my makeup bag and the black leader dress on my bed. Quick." You nearly ran out the room. Visibly the night would be hard.

"Are you sure this is okay ? I think I look kind of weird and these lashes are sooo long I've never had them this long."

"You look like a piece a cheesecake. I'd take a bite out of that ass right this second if Yuji wasn't waiting for us" she laughs. You chuckle at her antics. As funny as she is you can't help but feel self conscious at the idea of walking out dressed like this. A black leader strapless dress, barely covering your ass. Black high heels in which you barely felt stable. A full face of makeup adorning your face you looked like a mini version of her. Hot as a motherfucker though.

"Let's head down girl?" She says, peaking through the door. Handing you a little YSL bag with a gold strap.

"Yes, be there in a second I just need to find my glasses..." You said, patting your desk in search of your square correction glasses. "Please tell me you're not planning on wearing those windshields..." She criticizes. "I need to wear them, I can barely see without them." "You're lying !! You haven't been wearing them since and you're fine let's go." She said grabbing your wrists and dragging you out. Fuck.

A pink haired boy gestures at you two before opening the car door for you two. 'Such a nice boy' you think. Thanking him and sitting next to your friend in the car. She makes small talk with him and you get to know he's one in a few classes of hers and friends with the party organizers.

"Gojo and Geto, hottest boys alive. The party is at Gojo's house he's some rich kid you must have seen him at least once." You look over at the picture. A tall boy with white hair and sky blue eyes leaning on a tall boy with black long hair and purple eyes. They're cute you can't lie. You have seen him around, he plays basketball and girls from what you heard. "They look nice" you only say. Because what else is there to be said. This is just two campus boys organizing a big party. Nothing special, you've never experienced one but now it doesn't seem like anything special

"I won't tell you what I think. Make up your own opinion were here" she says gesturing for you to open the door on your side. Suddenly it does seem like something special and the knot ties in your stomach, you start wobbling on your heels. Still your friends drags you to the door with a "you'll be okay" that does not reassure you in the slightest. A boy open the door. Pink hair. "I though Yuji wasn't coming in until later ?" You whisper in her ear "that's not Yuji it's Sukuna his twin." Yeah makes sense. He lets you both ente the house and you're hit with the smell of sex, probably some weed and sweat.

Your friend drags you over to her group of friend and they start chatting, before moving over to take shots. You on the other hand stay aside, props for not drinking but you do feel excluded. You need to isolate, Candy by Doja Cart banging within your head, it's too crowded. "Where's the bathroom" you scream over the music. Your friend points up the stairs. Without thinking you rush up the stairs, it's already better. The floor is already much more empty.  What wasn't smart was not asking which door was the bathroom door. They were all white. Which one was it ?

Anyway. You didn't really need to go to the bathroom you just needed some alone time. And which the popular music playing downstairs you were soon the only one left sitting on the hallway carpet in some corner. Clearing your calendar and doing some homework on your phone. You should have taken your earphones with you. "Need some help princess?" A voice asks. You lift your head to be met with the white haired boy leaning over you, his big eyes staring at yours. So that's why she said they were the hottest boys alive...

The black haired boy sighed "is she even sober ? How many times have we told these randoms to stay off the top floor" he hisses staring you down. "Oh I'm very sorry, I didn't know and I was looking for somewhere private..and I'm not drunk, I don't drink" you say almost muttering. This is not the best encounter you ever went through, it looked like the white haired boy was intrigued but the black haired boy very obviously didn't like you. "Coming to a frat party to stay alone and not drink. Do you even know us ?" The black haired boy asks. Shit. That's true what's their name again? "Uhhh" you point at the white haired boy" Joe—go ? Jogo? And Toge? No! uhhh Geto is it ?" They both stare at you blankly before bursting out in laughter "she called you Jogo, you'll never hear the end of it" Geto? Laughs, mocking the white haired boy who's face in now red.. "Sorry was that not it ? I apologize if I said something offensive " you retract "it's okay" he offers you a hand. "I'm Geto, you got that right, and he's Gojo, not Jogo" he chuckles looking over at his friend. You take his hand lifing yourself of the ground and stepping in a much clearer light.

"Damn, ya look good" Gojo says, starring you down. They probably couldn't see you properly because corned you were in. "You actually do" Geto adds smirking at you. "How About we show you around ?"

Well they're much more welcoming now.

You can feel your face burning. Like melting off. As you walk down the corridor. You're sandwiches between a total of six ab rows. Scarily hot. Gojo's hand holds your hip, while Geto's holding your hand. "So... What do u major in ?" He asks. You're hardly able to think, the tension is so obvious. "Uhh.. bio" you say as the white haired boy unlocking a door to a room? "What are we doing here ?" You ask starting to feel anxious. Two frat boys taking you in some room sounds weird. It was pretty though, a balcony from which you could see over a good part of the city, a huge bed with silk red sheets and a plain blanket, a nightstand, a desk. And some led lights shining a pretty pink.

"Who's room is this?" You ask. Looking around. "Mine, if you looking to chill you're free to come here" he says closing the door, locking it and standing behind you, his hand on your waist. Letting the white haired boy come into view. He holds your cheek, his eyes never leaving yours. They probably could tell your heart was beating at a thousand mile per hour, you tried avoiding his gaze, though he was dangerously close to your face, to your lips to be precise. "You're so soft" he says "and you smell so nice" Geto adds, his face buried in to crook of your neck.

"A-ah thank you" you stutter. You can very distinctively feel Geto's cock pressing up against you dress, which is too short by the way, entirely too short. Gojo starts lining kisses on your jaw, until his face is met with yours again, his eyes focusing on your lips, he grazes his thumb upon them. "Can I ?" He says looking you in the eyes. He wants to kiss you ? This rich ass frat boy want to kiss you ? Fuck.

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out, so you nod mindlessly. He leans in "just relax" his lips meet yours and the feeling in euphoric, he's crazy skilled, it feels like bliss pure bliss, you taste a minty hint on his lips before his tongue slides into your mouth. Chasing after yours "mmhf!" You whine feeling Geto behind you, trailing bite marks all over your neck. "What'd you say sugar ?" He says coily, watching you avoid the question. Thing is you don't stand a chance before them. When's the last time you've had sex ? A year and a half ? Maybe two? And now you two guys slowly hiking up you dress. "Listen here sugar. How about we make you feel realll nice? You seem so pent up..." He says against your skin. Kissing the spots he previously bit. "Ah uh I don't really kno-"you start saying, interrupted. "oh won't you look at that ? So horny she got her panties and my pants wet! We should take care of that" Gojo says shining a runway worthy smile. Shit. You knew you were kinda wet, who wouldn't be, squeezed in between these two boys, ready to ruin you while the biggest party on campus was going down a few feets below. Before you're able to speak Geto offers you a hand "Let's play sugar. You can only win here." The offer was tempting so tempting you took his hand, blushing at Gojo's cheers behind you.

"Talk to us. What do you want sugar ?" Purple eyes grazing upon your almost naked body. It didn't take Gojo much time to slide your dress off you, leaving you in your black laced matching underwear set. Good thing you were wearing that one. "Focus" he ordered. You were laying back on his chest, while he was playing with you bra's clasps. Focus. Focus? Right he asked a question. "I uh... I- don't know.." you muttered, eyes fixed on the white haired boy kissing your pussy through your panties. Having you throb like crazy..

"Mhm a virgin maybe?" He said, studying your look. "No! No.. I have had sex in the past I just.. you know..."

"No we dont. Use your words sugar. 'fore I take them away" he warns. "You're making her wet! Such a needy thing." Gojo adds, taking a break from teasing your pussy though your panties. "When's the last time you got ate?" He asks training his finger up and down your soaked undies. What? How was that relevant ? "I had lunch if that matters ?" It's the way his eyes go wide that makes you wonder what the fuck you just said. "You've never gotten ate before ?Oh I have to be your first" he said shifting behind you to get up. The white haired boy reluctantly move but before he whispered something to Geto that makes him lightly chuckle and say "okay okay"

His face stills between you thighs, you're mesmerizing by his beauty and assurance. The tensions is building up in your stomach "just trust me and relax". You simply nod, trying to put your focus away. Gojo's laying next to you. Kissing your chest, his hand wrapped around you, slowly u doing your bra. "Oh fuck..." He says, flinging the fabric at some end of the room before latching on your nipples. "Ah!" You yelp, feeling his hot tongue rolling over your bud. You close your eyes, too busy relishing in the feeling to bother realizing Geto's sliding off you panties and spreading you thighs far apart. You jolt and moan loudly when he licks a long strip from your pussy to your clit. "Ya like it uh ?" Gojo teases, finally letting your boob free, with a satisfying "pop!". You nod frantically, whatever he's doing he's great at it. So great you start lowly moaning for more. Trying to cover your pathetic whines with your hand "Go on tell him you feel good" Gojo says encouraging you to speak. Your eyes drift over to Geto, teasing your hole with his fingers and sucking your clit. "Ahh... I- I like it, it- ah! Feels nice..." You whine, felling your face heat up.

Geto's eyes stare into yours, and you can feel him smiling against you. "Good girl, see, wasn't so hard" Gojo says, making you return your attention to him. He lands a soft kiss against your lips, not letting you pull away. And you're moaning into the kiss, your chest hovering up and down the faint sound of 'Coming down' by the Weeknd playing downstairs, Geto's fingers stretching your walls open while he licks you down. The squelching sound and feeling sending butterflies to your lower belly. You eventually pull away from Gojo, out of breath. Your legs shuddering, your moans growing louder and louder. "Hmm! 'm cumming! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" You mewl throwing you head back into the pillows. Your body jolting up at each additional suction he makes. He trails kisses up your body, upon your navel, between your breasts, up your neck before settling for your lips. You whine when he pulls away from your dripping cunt Making you crave attention. "What was that sugar ?" He asks caressing your heated cheek. "Felt nice...so nice...wan' more" you shamelessly admit, while still recovering from your high. "Say no more" Gojo says standing between your thighs in an instant.

Fuck it's big. Fucking huge, fully erect. Precum leaking from the tip, veins, lining its girth. "Satoru. Wrap it" Geto says. "Oh yeah" Your eye candy leave and starts searching through the bedside table, taking out a box of condoms. XXL. "Satoru?" You mutter. "Gojo's his last name. Satoru's what close friends and... Special people like you can call him" Geto answers. You nod thoughtfully "is Geto your last name too?" You wonder. "Yeah, but you're gonna have to earn calling me by my name sugar. Be patient you'll get there eventually" . Your cheeks heat at his words, you're being way to confortable for someone who's sprawled out on a bed she's never seen with two men she just met at a party. "Eyes up here sweetie, swallow it all" against your will your eyes drift from Geto's pretty eyes and land on Gojo's- no, Satoru's dick. Fuck are you really about to take all that. Your ex boyfriend was much smaller and frailer that this. "Don't worry darling you can take it" Geto whispers behind your ear, his voice sending butterflies to your stomach.

Satoru's cock nudges your hole, and he slowly pushed his tip in, stealing the words from your mouth, the more he pushed in the more you're feeling hot all over. "Fuck, love me some good tight pussy, you're perfect sweetie" he groans. "So fucking tight s' making me crazy" you whimper at his words, holding for dear life onto Geto's bulky arm. "Ah- are you in?" You babble, feeling your cunt throb around his girth. "Yeah...'bout halfway" he said gathering spit on his thumb and rubbing it messily over your clit. You moan loudly "Arh- shit! S-satoruu!"

His eyes ignore yours and perk up to his mate instead. It happens withing a fraction of a second: Satoru makes head movement. Tilting his head to the right. Geto pins your hands down and before you even have the right to wonder what exactly is happenings his lips crash against yours, his tongue poisoning your senses. *Thrust* your eyes open with, a thunder sensation runs up your spine before your stomach starts burning and you pussy raining. Your eyes roll back and fill with salty water, while you whine, whimper and mewl breathlessly into the kiss. Your pussy fluttering around his girthy cock.

Geto finally lets go of your lips, a string of saliva connecting both of you. Again you're mesmerized by his purple eyes. Until another thrust punches through you. Making your eyes close shut. You gather up strength to get on your elbow. "Satoru! Satoruuu" you whine and purr. "Feeeels too good, wanna cum 'gain" you pout feeling your brain disconnect. It's all you can think about right now. His thick cock stuffing you full, occupying you, fucking the breath in and out of you. "Anything for this thigh ass pussy don't mind be breaking you" he says. His hand grabs your hips but he doesn't thrust anymore, no. He drags your body over and over again on his cock, grunting over your high pitched moans. Fuck his dick was good. Good as fuck it got you screaming shamelessly. "Fuck i'd drown in this pussy anyway sweetie! Fucking tight!" He grunted switching to rutting his hips into onto your ass.

You couldn't be more grateful for the loud music playing downstairs, you had to thank Megan thee Stallion for covering the lewd pornographic sounds you both were making. Your pussy clammed him down, throbbing relentlessly around him. "Go on baby cum some more on my cock" he purred, watching your eyes flutter and chest hover up and down. His hips slam into yours exactly two more times to send you over the edge. Two thrust stretching your pussy to its maximum entent. Your voice rang against the room's walls " 'toru! 'toru! Cumming!" You cry, unfolding on him, a white sticky substance now covering the condom he wore. Inside and out, he grunts and moans over you "Mhm! fucking milking me out huh ?" He pulls out, letting the euphoric feeling wash over you.

You feel silly, so silly you want more, you miss his cock, you want more so much more. Your eyes wander off to Geto, who's eyes are fixated upon the lower part of your body. "How d'you feel doll?" He asks, his arms wrapping around your back to lift you up on your knees. Your teary eyes land back on his, how you missed them. His soft concerned look. "Arh- I wan' more" you're basically just giving out your ability to walk. That's probably not the best of ideas.

He chuckles lightly, " if that's what you wish...turn around sugar." Fuck it you can't get enough. You lay on the bed facing it's end, you can't know for sure but by the sound of it  he'd putting on a condom. In the meantime you gawk at the sight of Satoru pumping his ,now, hard again, cock right in front of your face, you're on the verge of reaching over, drooling and all when you feel Geto's pressing your back into the mattress, locking both your wrists with his one hand.

You whine at the loss of your eye candy. But soon totally forget about it, well maybe not totally but there's another dick on your mind in the moment. He slips in with less effort than Satoru had to use. Still his girth is spreading you apart. "Fuckkkk, so tight, just like that squeeze me good sugar" he grunts, fucking you into the mattress. You're blabbing and whimpering pathetically and he pull you up, with a hand on your lower back making you arch, thrusting into you like a maniac, making your ass bounce repeatedly, "Fuck, so fucking good sugar, 'm never letting you go. Stay like this." He orders through his ragged breathing. His hand slides up front and you know, his fingers attack your clit, you accidentally lean forward. Only slightly but it's enough to have his cock fucking you in all the right spots, "Ah! Geto! F-fuckkkkk s'deep soo— deep!" You coo and mewl, it's barely descriptible, like the tip of his cock was stuffed so deep in you, so fucking far you wondered if it was actually hitting your cervix. Where was all that biology knowledge? "Ah- fffuck I know, I know sugar" He's dragging his cock so far up your cunt, thrusting so hard it vibrated within your entire core.

Your eyes brim with tears. You're barely coherent in your thoughts and words. "Ahh! Geto! Geto! Geto— Mmph!!" You cry out, trying to get his attention. His cock thrusting deeper and deeper at a mind breaking pace. "S-satoruu! Tell him to be n-nice puh- please" you beg tugging on the boy's arm. "Calling out his name while I'm fucking you ? What a slut. Open your mouth." You might have been getting fucked stupid you knew not to ignore his orders. Your lips parted, offering the perfect opening for Satoru to thrust his aching cock into "Repeat after me slut, Su-gu-ru". Fuck you try, try to think and act. Act quick. Satoru's cock filling your mouth, deepthroating you, till you're gagging and choking. Suguru fucking your slick pussy like there's no tomorrow. "Shu guwu mhm!" You whine around Gojo cock, using your tongue to play around his shaft. Making him grunt your name. Youre slowly losing your mind.

A faint ringing sound in the background, not enough to get your attention but enough to attract theirs. You only realize when the white haired boy walk off in direction of the noise, leaving you mouth hanging empty. He returns and points a phone in your face and it takes a few seconds for you to collect your thoughts and read. Fuck, Fuck it's your friend but fuck it feels good

"mhm ? Pick it up" Suguru whines behind you. Roughly slamming his hip into you. "Huh nah! Fuck!" You're done for. The white haired boy display a mischievous smile before tapping the green pick up icon. "Girl ??! Where are you ??" You hear ringing through the phone. You stay quiet. As best as you can pleading Satoru with your eyes. 'Please hang up' you think but he only smiles and plants a kiss on your lips. "Hellooo ???" Your friend says. Suguru's hand wraps around your neck pulling you up close to him. "Speak" your eyes roll back. You're so fucking close. Shit. The boy in front of you kneels on the edge of the bed before his hand slide down between your legs starting to toy with your bud, circling and pressing his thumb over the bud. "Fucking speak" he orders. To think you had called them nice boys few hours ago. You wrap your arms over Satoru's shoulders for support when Suguru's hand leaves your neck to pinch your nipple. "

"Sugu! Sugu! Suguru! Ah! F-fuckkkkk Suguru you're the best! Y-yes the b-best" you cry out. Your orgasm winding you out. Fat tears sliding down your face. Huda beauty setting power and Charlotte tilbury meeting spray might be very good at keeping makeup intact, it was powerless face with this much face fucking, kissing and overall destroying.

Forgetting the jealous man in front of you watching you get fucked like he disappeared. Satoru grabs ahold of jaw. Using his finger to tap on your cheek. "The best huh ? Open that cock sleeve of a mouth for me, slut." Shit. "ahh I'll call you l-later 'm busy" you say as normally as you could. It's not like you just came on the phone. *Bip* He hangs up. And now it just the three of you again.

"Ahh!! I'm sowwy— Ngh!" You cry out. Another spank hitting your already sore ass. Suguru's spanking you like a mad man making you huff and hiccup relentlessly. You can't tell how you feel, the line between pain and pleasure being blurred. "How many times did we have to fucking tell you before you spoke ? Slut" Satoru gripping your hair to shove himself deeper down your throat. Fuck

It's Suguru first. His thrust turn erratic and he's groaning so much. "My pussy to fuck, Mine, 'gon f-fuck you today, tomorrow and every-fucking-day" he grunts, shoving himself  into you one more time, before his long strings of cum are stopped by his condom and he bottoms out. Still he's not done. While you're too focused on giving your best head in stock to Satoru he takes off his condom and throws it away. He lays between you legs, his arms wrapping around your thighs to make you sit on his face and again he's licking long strips of your cum, soiling his chin. Making you whine out of surprise around Satoru's dick, sending shivers down his spine and a cum load down your throat.

"F-fuck it sweetie, don't swallow yet, let me see all'at" you're mewling and brainlessly lagging in your actions, involuntarily riding Suguru's face your tongue lolling out, white sticky strings adorning your mouth. "So good!! Mhm ahhh!! " You moan. And *click!* A nice pic of the three of you having fun added to your photo gallery. You're to busy cumming hard on Suguru's tongue to care. You stretch your arm to Satoru, sticking your tongue out and it's barely a second before he's holding your chin "Swallow it." And like clockwork you do. And using that same clock your thighs shudder around Suguru's face, your toes are curling and you're making the lewdest face at Satoru, sending the blood straight to his dick. "My turn sweetie"

Visibly you were right when you said the night would be hard.

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[enhasparadise]

TOKYO ON EDGE. ˒˒ ﹙ niki! ﹚

╰┈⪼ moving to Japan wasn’t really on your plan through the year, but with your specialty being Japanese you had no choice but to accept. arriving in the middle of the year you found it strangely easy enough to integrate into your well-known class but over the days everything seemed to become boring and everything looked the same, the only thing that seemed to interest you was discovering the streets of Japan and the cultural differences with your native country. but, what you hadn't imagined was coming face to face with a car race, where one of the participants was one of your classmates, Nishimura Niki.

pairing ‎⸝⸝⸝ street racer!niki x student!reader 𓄷 iηcℓudᥱs 𓈓 older brother!jay, best friend!sunoo, best friend!haerin, bully!woonhak and heeseung.

genre﹙💬﹚⸝⸝⸝ serie, street racing au, enemies to lovers, kind of bully!niki, slow burn.

warnings ‎⸝⸝⸝ harsh talking, mention of violence and bullying, mention of drinking and smoking, cursing, mention of mental health, niki’s really dumb sometimes.

words count ‎⸝⸝⸝ 2681 words

taglist ‎ ⸝⸝⸝ @r1kification @cherryrikis @moonpri @who-tf-soddhi @heeswif3y @yangjungwonnie comment to be added to the taglist !!

rain’s note ‎⸝⸝⸝ screaming right now because I really love this chapter and how it’s start, also screaming because of the ending of this chapter since of what niki said. yes I’m fangirling over my own story, but anyways I really hope that you like how the story start and all that happened during this chapter.

all feedback and reblogs are welcome! ♡

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001. what kind of starter pack is this ?

You didn't know if it was simply the universe that was playing with you, or fate that had decided that, from one day to the next, after discovering your new school, you would meet this boy who spent his days talking to you. get on the nerves.

The most annoying part of the situation wasn't even the boy himself, but no matter where you were you heard each of the girls whispering his name as if he was a real living god.

Nishimura Niki.

No matter when you heard his name, you found yourself getting annoyed. Yet he hadn't done anything wrong, he was simply everything you despised deep down. That satisfied look and that smirk that almost never left his lips no matter where he was.

Since you had accidentally crossed his path, and his coffee had accidentally spilled on his uniform, he had spent the rest of his time ensuring that your days at school were nothing more than simple moments of torture or complete boredom, except that, even without his presence you were already annoyed and angry enough so knowing that he could arrive at any time made you completely mad with rage.

“y/n are you even listening to me?” Sunoo ended up saying.

“sorry Sunoo, I’m not really focused, it’s just.. all of this annoys me” you ended up responding as a sigh left your lips.

"y/n we'll never move forward with the presentation if you're not focused, and spending your time thinking about Niki won't help us."

“I don’t think about him!” you replied, offended that your best friend would think that before looking around you. "why does this idiot have to be so popular.. he's not even that amazing.."

Sunoo couldn't help but look at you without understanding what could be going on in your head. You now spent most of your days complaining about one of your classmates that you hated while, during your first days here, you both spent your days laughing and talking about topics that you are really interested.

Now it was almost like you spent your days complaining about Nishimura Niki and saying how much you hated him.

Simply, while you were both in the library working on your history paper which was due the next day, your best friend was ready to give up on everything because you weren't even concentrating while on your side you were ready to hit yourself with one of the books on the table if you once again came to wait for this name which was driving you completely crazy.

So, after taking a deep breath to focus again on the work you had to do, you turned back to Sunoo who was completely absorbed in reading his lips.

"And why shouldn't we be allowed to watch on the internet? Sunoo it would go ten times faster and you know it just as well as I do"

"Because, I know you and you'll end up spending the rest of the afternoon glued to your phone and I'll find myself having to do all the work on my own.." placing one of the books right in front of you, he showed you a passage that he found interesting, "I think we can also add that with everything we have just found, it will make a link with the other subjects that we must address later.." he replied wanting to get you back to work.

And it didn't take another sentence for your attention to return to the book, reading what he had told you.

Except that, at the same time, some girls who were passing behind you found themselves whispering a bunch of things that you hadn't heard until one of them said Niki's first name and, in a few moments, Only seconds later you found yourself looking around you.

The library was generally not a very busy place during school days, so obviously seeing more and more girls present was not particularly a good thing. Especially if it had anything to do with that student you hated so much.

But then, trying to concentrate on your work again so that your best friend wouldn't end up forcing you to finish everything by yourself, you sighed, realizing that you were possibly thinking too much simply because you were already quite agitated with what had happened that morning.

"Can we take a break Sunoo? I really can't concentrate it's horrible.." a sigh left your lips as you put your pen on the table and turned your head towards your best friend.

"If you want.." he started before taking his phone out of his pocket and realizing what time it was, "shit.. I have to go anyway.. Sunghoon is waiting for me so that We're going to join the others for our dance class."

Then, as soon as he finished his sentence, he closed the book in front of him, before getting up. "We'll finish this tonight, I'll call you as soon as I have time, and answer this time because otherwise we'll have more time to finish everything."

“Okay Sunoo.. go ahead I’ll take care of putting everything away” you replied before seeing him walk away and the last thing you saw was his blond hair as he closed the library door .

A sigh left your lips, your eyes closing for only a few seconds but opening them again you noticed Haerin in front of you then almost inevitably a smile appeared on your lips.

"Did he finally let you go? I thought I wouldn't be able to come see you all afternoon if he stayed with you.." she said directly with a slight laugh.

"Just assume that you have feelings for him and it will be a lot easier for both of you.." you had barely finished your sentence when you noticed your best friend's expression, and almost inevitably you started to to laugh. “Will you help me clean up? We can go to Starbucks afterwards if you want, it’s been a while since I’ve been there and I really want to go together.”

A smile appeared on your best friend's lips as she heard the word Starbucks and she immediately stood up while carrying several books in her hands to go straight to put them away.

Noticing how she reacted, a laugh left your lips once again and, taking the other part of the books, you yourself went through the shelves of the library to find the shelves where all the books came from.

Ten minutes later you finally left the library with Haerin following you. Except that, as soon as you left the library, your smile faded simply because you noticed a group of girls gathered in the same place, and you knew perfectly well what that meant. Niki was not far away.

“Oh my god do you think Niki is anywhere near?” Haerin asked, and as soon as her sentence was spoken, you remembered that she too, although she had feelings for your best friend, had a strange admiration with Nishimura Niki and you couldn't understand that.

“Please don’t say his name, it annoys me..” you replied as you placed your bag on your shoulder and began to walk to the end of the corridor to leave the room. 'establishment.

In spite of yourself, your gaze landed on this crowd of girls who looked like real kids, and you directly noticed Niki through the whole crowd. He wasn't doing anything in particular, he was just on his phone chatting with some boys in your class, and of course you wondered almost immediately what the girls saw in him. It was very obvious that he had absolutely nothing to do with them and that he simply preferred to ignore them, regardless of what she might say to him.

A sigh left your lips and you wanted to continue walking, but Haerin stopped you by grabbing your arm to make sure you didn't leave without her.

“Believe me, he’s an idiot, he doesn’t deserve your attention Haerin..” you told her, noticing that she reacted the same way as all the girls around him.

And almost as if he had heard what you had just said, Niki raised his head to look at you, and a few seconds later he put his phone away to walk towards you. What exactly was he looking for?

You didn't know him, but with everything you had heard you knew perfectly well that Niki didn't care at all about girls' feelings or just girls in general. Just you, he loved making your days difficult just by being near you. And unfortunately for you, today was likely to be even more complicated.

Haerin, noticing that he was approaching the two of you, couldn't help but laugh in the silliest way, but at no time did Niki's gaze fall on her, he was focused on you. And when he was at your side, he pushed Haerin to the side just to place his arm around your shoulder, which directly made you want to vomit and you almost immediately moved away from him.

“Don’t touch me, I don’t want a boy like you to touch me.”

“Oh come on y/n.. don’t you want to have fun with me? I know you like me deep down”

"Ew.. do you want me to vomit on your uniform or something? Considering the badboy starter pack that you are, I'm quite happy to hate you Niki.." you responded directly before releasing his arm from your shoulder and move away from him, visibly disgusted with how he was acting.

“A badboy starter pack? Can you give me a quick definition of what you mean by that?” He asked you and a laugh left your lips directly.

“I think you understand perfectly what I mean Niki, you’re stupid but not so stupid that you don’t understand..”

“Hey, he’s not stupid, shut up!” Shouted a girl who was around you, before other girls started saying any type of sentence to defend Niki. Except that no matter what she said, your view of Niki wasn't going to change, it was never going to change since Niki was just a miserable idiot.

"They're not wrong, I'm not stupid.." Niki defended himself as this most annoying smile appeared on her lips, and a sigh of annoyance left your lips at the same time.

"Oh of course niki.. you're the most annoying idiot I know in school.." you replied knowing that he wasn't going to leave you alone no matter what you said to him. "And to answer your question, they're the kind of bad boy starter pack, the ones who are really stupid, who react like real assholes and who of course don't mind hurting the girls who are interested in them simply to laugh about it behind..”

One of his eyebrows rose at your response before a laugh left his lips, finding what you had just said to him totally hilarious.

“Really y/n, it’s charming what you say about me” he responded so casually because none of your sentences hurt him.

“Oh shut up will you, you're such an annoying idiot, except girls never notice because of..” you looked at his face, a look of disgust appearing on your own face, “this what you look like.." then you ended up turning to all the girls around you, who were either looking at Niki in admiration or looking at you like they wanted to rip your head off for what you were saying about niki, then you came back to look at niki. “Seriously, are you lacking affection for all the girls to be so into you? Because it’s quite pitiful to be honest..”

The girls around you were almost going crazy over what you were saying but none of them seemed to come up to you, simply because Niki was right in front of them and they didn't want to in any way. that Niki sees them being violent.

“Oh but I'm not in need of attention, on the contrary..” Niki ended up responding in a very annoying way, “it's not my fault if the girls at school adore boys like me.. " the same smile was fixed on his face since the beginning of your conversation and it annoyed you greatly. “Too bad you’re not actually one of them.”

Hearing his last sentence you wanted to vomit because it seemed so pitiful and stupid. You just stared at him with a look of disgust on your face, unable to understand why Niki was bothering you like that when he could just be giving this attention to a girl who liked him more than you. . That is to say the only girl who hated him because of his troublemaker behavior and the way he annoyed you.

"Rather die than become one of your groupies who lick your coattails in the hope of getting attention that will never be given to me." you ended up answering, your hand gripping the strap of your bag so much you felt your blood boiling inside of you because he kept adding any sentence to see your reactions that he loved while you answered each time.

“Oh but I give them attention, there are just so many of them that I can't really give each of them attention for a day.”

"Yeah you're just a real idiot who plays with girls that's all"

“That’s what you think y/n”

“You make me want to vomit Niki… it’s surprising that I still haven’t vomited.”

“Oh stop y/n I know deep down you love me..”

"Shut up niki you really make me want to vomit you're so horrible and annoying.. then seeing how you act with girls it confirms that you're just an idiot badboy who has absolutely no interest in girls and who just spend their time breaking her hearts"

“I think the role of bad boy suits me well you know”

“So you confirm the fact that you are a bad boy and that you have the starter pack that I am with”

Niki looked at you blankly, almost as if you had just said the most incomprehensible thing imaginable. And around you you always heard the girls whispering or shouting all kinds of things about you.

“Being a bad boy doesn't give you a starter pack,” Niki ended up answering.

“Ah yes totally Niki, believe me you have a starter pack that fits the badboy label. Do you want me to make you a list?”

A laugh left his lips as he listened to you, before allowing you to continue speaking, knowing what you were going to say to confirm your words.

"So already, with what I've seen since I've been here you don't take authority seriously and you don't care what the teachers tell you, so that proves the first criterion of the bad boy, then in view of your hands you also spend your time fighting so that proves the second criterion." You paused in what you were saying just to look at him intently to notice every detail about him. "With your character and your behavior it's not surprising that you find yourself idolized by girls and then you don't even need.."

"In this case if I'm a badboy, that makes you a goodgirl, well if we stay in the cliché of course.." Niki ended up cutting you off, and as soon as you waited for his sentence you didn't know how you was supposed to get the information.

“And what does that mean Niki?” you ended up asking as your arms crossed over your chest.

“I think just as well as I do that you know perfectly well what that means y/n” he replied and you noticed that smile that annoyed you so much appear on his lips.

Something to which you hadn't responded simply because you knew that, deep down, Niki only did that to annoy you and he knew that it would work so obviously you didn't want to show him that he was right once. moreover.

“Seriously Niki shut up”

“Only if you confirm that you are the cliché of the good girl since I am, as you say, a bad boy with a starter pack to match..”

"Oh but you really are Niki stop lying to yourself.. you know you're just a bad boy playing it.."

“well I’m telling you that you’re a good girl, you just don’t notice it… but I’m going to prove to you that you are one”

[ahhnini]

let you break my heart again - rafe cameron x reader

your relationship with rafe is nothing more than a twisted fantasy

warnings - fake dating, rafe breaks reader’s heart, fluff, angst, degradation (not in a kinky way), not proofread!

a/n - based off a dream I had of rafe, kind of in a writing slump so pls send in reqs! <3

when rafe cameron came knocking at your doorstep at two in the morning, face angry, you were more than confused. you two have never been that close, however, the forced proximity of figure eight led you two to form an acquaintance with another. when you had asked him what was going on, he barged into your house, gripping onto the sides of your shoulders like you were gonna fly away. he looked up at you, eyes red. then, you heard him say words that you didn’t think he’d ever utter to you, “I need you to be my girlfriend.”

so that’s how you ended up here, laughing with the camerons’ on their yacht, sailing the sea. it’s been a month since you’ve agreed to be rafe’s “girlfriend” and everyone on the island bought it. they’ve never known that much about you anyways, so when he started parading you around, everyone began to gossip how rafe cameron charmed the mystery girl of kildare island.

you felt a kiss on your cheek as you pour yourself another drink. “you doin’ okay?” rafe asks as he begins to pour himself a whiskey shot. you nod your head, looking up at him while he downs his drink, “good,” he wipes his lips, walking away to talk to his father. you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. this was harder than you thought, especially when you feel butterflies in your stomach every time he shows an ounce of affection to you.

you made a promise to yourself that this was definitely a no strings attached situation. he would get you around the island, introducing you to valuable connections, while his reputation would change to be a better one. it was a win-win. you didn’t really think about the other factors, like the fact that you’ve had a secret crush on the infamous kook prince since you were twelve.

you really shouldn’t be feeding into your delusions like this; it’s unhealthy. that’s what you keep telling yourself, but each time you see him, you can’t help but have a smidge of optimism, that he actually likes you, wants you.

your heart breaks in the serene island of guadalupe, tears streaming down your face as rafe yells at you in the costal house bedroom. “why would I ever like you, y/n! the only reason why we’re doing this is for my reputation, for my dad to trust me again, for me to show my family that i’ve changed! you don’t mean anything to me, stop thinking i’m actually in love with you, because i’m not! I don’t even think I’d wanna be friends with you,” he huffs, cornering you to a wall. he lifts your chin, observing your tear stricken face, “cry all you want, but that’s not gonna help me change the way I feel.” he backs off, turning around to enter the bathroom, “i’m gonna take a shower, clean yourself off, make yourself presentable. we have dinner in two hours.”

you sip on your latte, waiting for rafe to get back home. you sat like a wife who’s husband spent too much time in the office. except he wasn’t your husband, he was just…a guy. you hear the front door shut, immediately shuffling to greet him. “hey, what are you doin’ here?” he slurred, breath reeking of alcohol. “uh—wanted to make sure you got home safe, that’s all!” you fidgeted with your hands. he let out a soft hum, “you can spend the night if you want to, y/n, i’m going to topper’s,” you look up at him, meeting his dilated pupils, “wha—huh? you’re gonna drive to topper’s?” rafe rolls his eyes, nodding, “yeah, I am—” “no! I can’t let you do that, let me drive you, c’mon—” he sighs, giving in, and you thank the alcohol has made him less stubborn, “fine.”

you pulled up to topper’s house, the porch light on and inviting. you speak up after the silent drive there, “um—are you sure you want to spend the night at topper’s? we can always go back if you want” he shakes his head, turning towards you. “no, i’m sick of your shit, y/n. always treatin’ me like I can’t take care of myself. guess what,” he points at himself, “I can take care of my own shit, okay? I don’t need you,” he rushes out of the car, stumbling up the porch stairs, disappearing behind the house door.

you stay there for a couple of moments, sniffling. during the drive back to the camerons’—yes, you were staying the night, you needed to take care of rafe for when he was hungover—you reflected on your relationship with him. how one day he’d treat you like you were his queen, the next he’d treat you like you were dirt. you can’t stop your feelings, no matter how hard you tried to repress them, they always end up coming out. you know you don’t deserve this. you deserve someone who actually loves you, not someone who’s using you. but…rafe…you can’t imagine being with someone who’s not him. that night, you lay down on his bed, fantasizing the perfect life with rafe, waiting for him to come back tomorrow morning.

you swallow, telling yourself you’d be fine being with him, being in this arrangement. even if he’ll never love you back, you’d let him break your heart over and over again.

taglist - @nemesyaaa @julie123456897 @mfdoomdickrider @grxnde-dwt

[lokigodofmyheart]

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Words: 4.479.

Summary: Tony and Y/N have a friends with benefit situation. But what happens when someone wants more and the other don't?

Warning/Content: angst, fluff.

A/N: This is my first time writting a Tony x Reader. Dividers by @cafekitsune <3

Fury was on her, wanting the reports from last mission. And obviously, the only person who hadn’t finished yet was Stark. Somehow, Fury thought that if someone could make him do it, it would be Y/N. And that’s how she ended up in his lab. 

Tony was sitting in his chair, doing absolutely nothing with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked at her with his usual smirk “What’s bring you here, Y/L/N?” 

“Have you finished your report from the last mission, Stark?” She asks, walking closer to his desk. 

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his messy hair “No, not yet. Why?” 

“Fury needs it. And he’s been waiting for it for two days now.” Y/N knew how Tony was and how much he hated to make those reports. In the end, she always ends up finishing for him. 

Tony rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his glass “I'll finish it, but not right now. I'm in the middle of something.” 

“Yeah, I can see it.” She glares at him, before she starts going through the giant amount of paper on his desk.  

Tony stops put his glass down on the desk and looks at her with a small smirk “Are you really here to talk about the reports?” 

“Yes.” She finally found it. 

“And are you sure that's the only reason you're here?” His smirks didn’t flatter. 

Y/N grabs the file in her hands “Yes.” That’s all she said before she turns around without looking at him and left his lab. 

Tony watched as she walked away from him, without any further comment. Obviously, given their situation, he found it a bit weird. 

The next day, Y/N was in her room when she heard a knock on her door. She open it, seeing Tony standing there.  

“Yes?”  

The man leaned against the doorway, with a small smile that he saved just for her when they were alone “I need to go to the mall, buy a few things. Wanna tag along?” 

Her face turn to an apologetic one “Sorry, I’m not feeling very well...” 

“You feel sick?” He asked her and she could noticed the worry in his voice. 

“No, not. Just a small headache, nothing major...but thanks for the invitation anyway.” She gave him a small smile. 

Tony was a bit reluctant to believe her but didn't want to press further “Yeah, ok. Rest well.” 

“Thanks.” She gently closes the door. He stood there for a few seconds, worried, before he walked away. 

The next time something like that happened, it was after movie night with the team. Everyone said good night after the movie ended, leaving just the two of them in the living room. Y/N slowly got up from the couch “I’m going to bed too.” 

Tony quickly got up too, grabbing her arm gently and smirk “Why don't we go to mine?” 

Again, the apologetic expression crossed her face “I’m on my period. Sorry.”  

His smirk dropped slightly as his grip loosened and his hand fall from her arm “Oh...” 

Y/N gave a small apologetic smile “Night, Stark.” 

He nods “Night, Y/L/N.” 

Tony thought it was just a coincidence, but he noticed that she looked like she was avoiding being alone with him. It had been more than a week since they had sex and every time he tried, she just had some short of excuse.  

He waited until she finished her training and cornered her when she was leaving the room. “Y/L/N, we need to talk.” 

Y/N stops and look at him “Sure.” 

He looked around to see if anyone was around and he crossed his arms “Have I done something to you?” 

“No.” She made a confused face as she looked at him. 

He studied her features for a moment, before he spoke again, a little lower “You've been avoiding me lately...” 

“No, I’m not.” 

Stark stepped closer to her “Then explain why you're avoiding spending time with me alone.” 

Y/N gave him a small smile “I’m not. Really.” 

“Then why did you always have some sort of excuse each time I ask you to hang out just the two of us?” 

She looked at his face and could see that he was somewhat hurt by her actions “I told you, I wasn't feeling well one day, and the other one I was in my period.” 

He didn’t really believe her “What about the other time at the lab? You came, got some paper, and were gone in a second. You didn't even try to engage with me.” 

“I was busy with the report you didn’t finish. Fury needed that.” She explains and hoped he would buy it. 

Clearly he didn’t. “Like you care about the reports. I think you're avoiding me.” 

“I’m not, Tony.” She says with a gentle voice. “Why don’t you come to my room later, and we can...talk.” She smirks at the last word. 

“Alright, I'll come...” He said, before walking away back to his room, excited for what he could only assume was going to happen tonight. 

As soon as she noticed he had left, her smirk dropped “Fuck...”  

Y/N didn’t know what to do. Yes, she had been avoiding him. They had this friend with benefits things, and she knew from the start that it was all that was and it couldn’t be more. But she had catch feelings for the billionaire and she didn’t know what to do. 

Later, Y/N was sitting on her bed with her laptop in her lap finishing another report for Fury when she heard a soft knock on her door. 

“Come in!” She says without moving from her spot. 

Tony opened the door and walked in, a smirk on his face “Hey, sweetheart.” 

She smiles looking at him “Hey.” 

He walked to the bed, sitting down next to her, he was wearing just a tank top and sweatpants “So, you wanted to...talk.” 

Y/N chuckles softly, closing her laptop and putting on her nightstand. Tony leaned against the headboard, and pulled her onto his lap “You know, the way you were acting today had me a bit worried for a second. I thought I'd done something to upset you...” 

“You’ve done nothing.” She smiles. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him, his lips next to her ear “Good, I'm glad...” he began peppering light kisses on her neck and began to kiss down her neck, and to her shoulder, his hands slowly running up and down her waist and thighs. She just froze, she didn’t know what do to. Yes, she wanted sex with him, but her heart was screaming at her. 

Tony felt the tension in her body and he pulled away slightly, worried “You okay, sweetie?” 

“Yeah...” She tried to mask it with a smile, but Tony could notice on her voice something was wrong. 

His hands came up to cup her face, keeping her looking at him “You feel a bit tense. Talk to me...” Her smile slightly drops and that worried him even more “Y/N, what's wrong?” 

“I’m sorry...” Her voice was almost a whisper “I don’t think I can do this anymore...” 

“It's okay. We can do this another time.” He says with his hand rubbing her side to comfort her. 

“No, I didn’t mean like that.” 

Tony frowned and looked into her eyes “Then what do you mean?” 

Y/N sighs, before she spoke again “I can’t do this...” she points between them. 

His heart ached a bit at her words “You don't want this anymore?” 

“I'm sorry...” she says, getting off his lap and sitting by his side with her hands in her lap. 

He stayed sitting on the bed, looking at her, trying to hide the sadness that was building inside of him “Why? I thought...I thought things were good between us...” 

Y/N looked at him and she could see the pain on his face “It is...was...I swear it was.” 

“Then...why are you ending this? What changed? What did I do, huh?” he was trying to stay calm, but it was hard. He wanted answers. 

“You did nothing wrong.” She smiles sadly at him. 

“Then why? Do...do you not want me?” He let out a shaky breath, his eyes met hers again. 

“I do. And that’s the problem.” Her voice was low as she spoke. 

That made Stark was more confused now “Why is that a problem? I want you too.” 

“Because I want more.”  

There was silence. He took a few seconds trying to gather his thought before answering her with a frow on his face “But, we agreed from the start that-” 

“I know.” she cuts him “And that's why I'm ending this.” 

Tony et out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair “Y/N, I care about you, but that's- I can't give you what you want...” 

“I know.” She says and he could hear the sadness on her voice. He hated knowing that he was hurting her with his words, but he couldn't give her what she wanted.  

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again “Do you regret us?” 

“No.” she smiles, looking at him, still with a hint of sadness “Never.” 

He reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers “Me neither, sweetheart...” 

Y/N looked down at their hands together “I mean, we still can do the friends part.” 

Stark chuckled sadly, bringing their intertwined hands to his lips “Can friendship really be enough?” 

“It has to be.” She whispers. 

He sighed, hating the way this conversation was going “You know I care a lot about you. I just...I don't do relationships anymore, not after...” 

“I know.” She squeezes his hand slightly “And that’s why I’m not asking for it.” 

“This suck, you know. I'm losing someone I care about, and I hate myself for it.” he ran a hand through his hair frustrated. 

Y/N was feeling her eyes filling up with tears, and she blinks, trying to fight it “Believe me, this is much harder for me.” 

“It's hard for both of us, okay?”he said a bit harshly before immediately regretting it “Fuck...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.” 

She shakes her head, not wanting to cry in front of him “No, it isn't. You care about me when I...I fell in love.” 

The moment he heard those words, his heart ached even more. He wasn't sure what to say to that... so for a while, he just stayed silent, fiddling with her fingers. His jaw was clenched as he tried to control the emotions coursing through his body...he felt like a terrible person, knowing that he could not return her feelings. “I...I wish I could give you what you want. I really do...” 

“Me too...” 

Tony let out a shaky breath and squeezed the hand of hers that he was still holding. Even though he knew it probably wasn't a good idea, he pulled her a bit closer to him, resting his head on her shoulder “We can still be friends, right?” 

Y/N rest her head on his “Of course.” 

For a while, he let himself just feel the comfort of being close to her. But then he pulled away, reluctantly letting go of her hand and getting up from the bed “I should go...” Y/N just nods, not trusting her voice to answer.  He looked down at her for a moment before leaning down and placing a feather-like kiss on her forehead. Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go, but instead, he straightened up and without another word, he walked out of her room. 

“Night, Stark...” She says, holding back her tears, knowing that after he left, they would never be this close again. 

“Goodnight, Y/L/N.” He said without looking back, knowing that the sight of her sad face would tear his heart even more. 

Tony walked down the hallway and into his room, walking straight to the mini fridge and grabbing a bottle of liquor. He sat down on the couch but didn't open the bottle just yet. Instead, he buried his head in his hands and let all his bottled-up emotions flood out of his every pore for what felt like hours. He sat there for hours, trying to get himself under control. But the mere idea that the one person he was closest to in the Tower was no longer his... that he had no right to touch, kiss, or hold... he grabbed the bottle of liquor, taking a long sip, as a single thought echoed in his mind ‘You're a complete idiot, Stark.’ 

Y/N stood in her bed, bringing her knees to her chest and finally letting the tears fload after Tony left until she eventually cried herself to sleep. In just a few minutes, Tony finished the first bottle and opened the second, the words she said earlier echoed in his mind. I fell in love. 

The first week had been rough for both of them. They were avoiding each other, which mean they were avoiding the kitchen, the common room, the training room. While Y/N was more quiet than usual and saying she was suffering from allergies to justify that sometimes her eyes and nose were red, Tony just was in a incredible bad mood all the time. The team watched the whole situation with worry and confusion. Everyone knew there was something wrong with Tony, usually when he was in a bad mood, he would go around the tower, annoying and trying to get a reaction out of everyone. But now, he was practically avoiding any interaction. 

-- 

Tony was in the kitchen, enjoying the silence with a coffee in his hand, when Clint, Thor and Steve entered and stopped in front of him. He let out a tired sigh, knowing that wouldn’t be good “What do you all want?” 

Thor studied his face, before speaking “I know that look.” 

“What look?” 

“That look” Thor points at him “The same one I had when Jane broke up with me.” 

Tony rolled his eyes, annoyed with the direction the conversation was going “I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine.” 

“Yeah, Thor.” Clint started “That would imply that Stark was dating someone.” 

“Yes, thank you for that useless addition, bird brain.” Tony rolled his eyes as he leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coffee “So, are you all just going to keep staring at me, or you have something to say?” 

Steve spoke this time “What's going on, Tony? And don't say nothing, because we all know that you're not fine.” 

Stark groaned, his shoulders slumping a bit “Just...it's nothing, alright? Can you just leave it be?” 

This time it was Clint who spoke “No, because obviously something is happening. Or had happened.” 

He took a deep breath, trying to control his temper “Can you just drop this? I just...I don't want to talk about her.” 

“Oh, so it is a woman?” Thor ask curious. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose “Damn it, yes, Thor. It was a woman, okay?” 

There was a moment of silence, Thor and Clint sharing a knowing look while Steve just stared at him “Well, what happened?” 

Despite himself, Tony’s voice trembled a bit when he spoke “She...she told me she wanted more. And I couldn't give her what she wanted. So we...we just ended things.” He took a gulp of his coffee to try and hide the turmoil he was still feeling “It's done, alright? It's over, and there's nothing that can be changed. Can we please just drop it?” 

The three of them study him, before Steve spoke in a gentle tone “You love her” It wasn't a question. 

Tony didn't even try to deny it this time. He let out a shaky breath and nodded, his eyes downcast “Yeah. I do.” 

“She loves you, right?” Steve asked “Since you said she wanted more, I thought...” 

He nodded and chuckled bitterly “That's the funny part. She does. But i made it clear from the start that I couldn't give her what she wanted. And we agreed to keep it casual. But...she said she still fell in love with me. 

“Arrangements can be changed.” Thor says. 

“It's not that simple, Thor.” Tony let out a tired sigh “What she wants...a serious relationship, commitment, all of that...I can't give her that.” 

“Why not? What are you so afraid of?” Steve was the one who spoke this time. 

“I'm not...” he starts to deny but stop mid-sentence and let out a frustrated breath “I'm not afraid.” he paused for a moment, looking over at Steve before continuing “I'm...I'm a mess, alright? I have demons that still haunt me, nightmares that don't let me sleep more than a few hours. I can be a dick in general and I...I haven't done the whole "relationship" thing in years. I can't get involved in that again.” 

“Don't you remember the last time he dated Pepper?” Clint says to Steve “He looked like hell after they broke up.” 

Tony rolls his eyes “Thanks a lot, bird brain, for remind me about one of the most painful times of my life.” 

Thor nods, agreeing “Yeah, you were just a little worse than you are now. The only thing that took you out of the misery was Y/N moving here and you becoming friends.” Steve and Clint looked at Thor. 

Tony groaned, realizing Thor was absolutely right. He never said it out loud, but deep down, he knew that the only reason he hadn't completely lost his brain after the whole Pepper situation, was Y/N. Having her around, being her friend, helped a lot during those dark months. He rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling the exhaustion again “What's the point of this conversation, guys? Even if I wanted too, it's too late now. She ended things because I didn't want to give her more than what we had.” 

“The question here is simple: Do you wanna give her what she wants?” Barton asked him. 

Stark looks at him for a moment, before answering slowly and honestly “Yes...I do.” 

Steve puts a hand on his shoulder “Then talk to her. I'm sure she'll listen.” 

He chuckled bitterly “It's funny that you think it's that simple. We ended things weeks ago and we've been avoiding each other ever since. You really think she'll want to talk to me now?” 

“If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking...she’ll listen.” Clint says. Obviously, after Thor made that comment, Barton and Rogers realized who he was talking about. 

And if everything couldn’t get worse, Y/N walked into the kitchen to get some water just in that moment, but she stops seeing Tony and the guys. She knew if she turned back, it would be suspicious, so she walked to the fridge to get her water “Hi...” 

Tony’s body tenses as soon as he saw her, his heart starting to pound hard on his chest. He quickly stands up from where he was resting his back against the counter, his eyes fixed on her. “Hey...”  

The three other Avengers made some lame excuses and left them alone. Tony stayed in his spot against the counter, watching the other members of the team leave the kitchen. Silence fell between them as they both stood a few feet apart from each other. 

“So... how’s it going?” Y/N spoke quietly, trying to make some small talk. 

“Like crap...” Tony didn't want to lie or pretend to be fine, and he knew she wouldn't believe it anyway. So he decided to go for honesty “How about you?” 

“Same.” 

He didn't like the tiredness in her voice, and he hated that he was responsible for it “You're not sleeping well either, right?” Y/N just answers with a head shake. He sighs softly, his heart clenching at the thought that she was suffering with the situation between them as much as he was “Same here...” 

“What a duo, huh?” She gave him a sad smile. 

Despite the situation, he chuckled softly “Yeah...” there was a moment of silence between them before he spoke again “You're avoiding me...” 

“I am...I needed a bit of space.” There was a minute of silence before she spoke again “You're avoiding me too...” 

He looked down for a few seconds, ashamed with himself “I...yeah, I know. I just...I didn't know if you wanted to see me...or if you would want to talk to me...” 

“Tony...” she walks closer to him, putting her water aside “I'm not mad at you or anything. I was sincere when I said we could still be friend.” 

As she walked closer to him, he looked at her face carefully, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. He clenched his jaw tightly as a wave of guilt washed over him. “You're not sleeping.” it wasn't a question, it was more a statement of his realization. 

Y/N rolls her eyes “Have you heard a word I said?” 

Despite everything, one thing he had missed the most was her eye-rolling, and he felt a tiny sense of relief as she did it now “I heard you. I also notice that you're looking like a zombie. You should be sleeping.” 

“You should be too. And not drinking.” 

He chuckled bitterly “Yeah, well. I sleep better after I drink. It helps with the nightmares.” 

“...they came back?” Y/N’s face softens, she knew about his nightmares. 

“Yes, a couple days after...we ended things.” He looked down, avoiding saying the word 'break up' because he still didn't want to believe that's what really had happened. 

“Are you okay?”  

Tony lifts his head, his eyes meeting hers. As much as he wanted to lie and say that he was fine, he wasn't able to do it “No, I'm not...truth is, I haven't been okay at all since you end things with me. I'm...I'm a mess, really. I drink every night, I can't sleep more than a few hours each night, and...and I miss you. I miss you so damn much.” He paused for a moment, closing his eyes and trying to control the emotions he was feeling and the words he was saying, but he continued “I know I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be telling you all of this. I have no right...but I do miss you. I miss our nights together, our movie nights...and most of all, I miss talking to you, having you by my side...and I can't lie and say I don't miss being with you...” he laughed bitterly “Hell, I miss us...I should have never let you go...I should have...I should have said yes. I should have said yes to everything you wanted. But I was scared...” 

“Scared of what...?” She asks without looking away from him. 

“Scared of committing, scared of being in a relationship again, being trapped...terrified of ending up like I did after Pepper broke up with me...” He let out a strangled breath “I was so goddamn terrified of losing myself again, of having my heart broken again, that I ended up pushing the only person who was willing to be with me, away. And what the hell was the point since I end up breaking my own heart anyway...” 

“You said 'was'...” she spoke quietly. 

Tony looked at her again, his eyes going wide in realization of what he said. “Yes...”his voice was barely above a whisper, but he didn't look away from her “I said 'was'...” He could see the look on her face becoming almost a hopeful one. “I was terrified...” he repeated, as he moved so he was standing right in front of her. He hesitantly reached out his hands to touch hers and she did not pull back.  

A tiny sigh of relief escaped his lips as she let him touch her, her hands so much smaller than his. He gently laced their fingers together, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hands and Tony took a deep breath before continuing “I know what I want...and I want you. I want us...everything. I wanna take you out on dates, I wanna sleep with you and see you pretty face when I wake up. I want to watch silly movies with you, and laugh at your silly comments. I wanna be with you when you're not feeling well...I want everything. Hell, I want to marry you, I want a family...I want a future and I can't see one without you on it.” he paused for a moment, but continued in a soft whisper “And the most important thing...I want to make you happy. I want to make you smile and laugh every single day. I want to give you everything I have, everything I am...hell, I want to give you the goddamn moon if that's what you want. But most of all...I want to give you my heart...because you're the only one I trust with it...” 

Y/N didn’t answer, she just cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. The moment her lips brushed against his, he groaned loudly before cupping her face with his hands and pulling her even closer, the kiss becoming more and more urgent and frantic as he let out all the pent-up feelings and emotions through it. She parted the kiss, but didn't pull back “Are you sure?” 

Tony rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed and his breathing becoming more ragged as he tried to regain control over himself. He opened his eyes and looked at her face, one of his hands moving to brush against her cheeks “Never been more sure of anything in my life, sweetheart.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before continuing “Y/N Y/L/N...will you be my girlfriend?”  

Y/N smile and nods “Yes.” He let out another breath of relief, a huge wave of happiness washing over his entire body.  

They stayed in that position for a few seconds before he leaned in to kiss her again, this time the kiss was gentle and unrushed. “God, I missed you so much...” 

“I missed you too...” 

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, her face resting on his chest and his face buried in her hair. He took a deep breath, relishing in the feeling of having her in his arms once again, and the realization that it wouldn't just be a fling. It was real, it was more than physical desire. He cared for her, he loved her, and she was his “I love you.” 

Y/N smiles “Say it again...” 

Tony smiles at her request “I love you.” he says, gently pulling her face away from his chest so he could look directly in her eyes “I'm in love with you...And I plan on saying it every damn day for the rest of our lives.” 

[enden-agolor]

you CANNOT just post that and not tell us the back story

Oh boy okay here we go

randy x andy lore 🙈

I'll just post the context of the comic with a bit of lore and backstory.

So I already stated that Andy and I have been friends since 6th grade. I think that's about 16 years of knowing each other now? Well, friendship was kind of a struggle for me because of uh.. my home situation. The thought of having people over was very frightening and embarrassing, but Andy never really judged me or let any of that stuff get in the way of us being friends, but regardless, I almost always spent the night at his place whenever we would hang out. I'd walk about three miles to his place almost every weekend because he was only a few neighborhoods away. Anyways, so we had a lot of sleepovers and most of the time I would sleep on the floor in his room which like. Cool. Not gay. Whatever.

Well. I recall a discussion we had when we were about 13 (I think this was in 2010 or 2011) on facebook where we were just talking about personal stuff and I confessed I'd never really experienced any positive physical affection before? Nothing of note came out of that conversation, but apparently Andy remembered that.

Next time I went to his place for a sleepover, it felt no different than any other time we'd hang out. Playing video games or watching youtube or just hanging out outside. Well come bed time I remember going with him to his room and.. In a random change of events, he told me to get in the bed. I remember being hella confused and hesitant but I did and ended up just laying there awkwardly, him kinda laughing and telling me to turn around and scoot over, again my dumbass was really awkward about it. He shut off the light and crawled into bed after me and without saying ANYTHING just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. It's been well over a decade since this happened and I still remember the shock and confusion. I remember full body trembling and tensing and trying to control it because I just did not know how to react. And he'd asked if I was okay and I just responded with a stuttered "yeah." He ends up falling asleep like that and when I tell you I stayed up all night staring at the wall next to me and just. Experiencing that feeling of being held for the first time it was extraordinary.

It became a constant need after that but because I was afraid of being gay and uh. Also am just very shy in general. I would never ask for it and would instead just hope it would happen again which.. it did. And then my emotions kinda spiraled and it was very easy to fall for him.

But yeah Andy made me gay and I never dated anyone else before because I saved myself for him for many years after that happened. Just constantly cuddling as friends. I seriously can't ever imagine being with anyone else. He is kind of cool idk

[shortchoco]

Its now basically confirmed Sampo is from planet Kalevala according to the new textmap leaks for his upcoming event :)

Ok I think our theories of him being forged by SOMEONE or some aeon is slowly becoming true BUT the question is who?

It could be the HSR alternate of Illumiren that crafted sampo or even the Preservation. Why do I think that? Well simply put, preservation is trying to preserve anything it can possibly do-- and additionally, qiloph has a giant hammer, it would make sense for them to "make" sampo, not only for the sake of Belebog but also Kalevala who is in a similar situation as them.

The poem Sampo singing in these leaks literally talk about HIMSELF and I'm pretty sure the word "Sampo" is going to be highlighted in yellow/red during the game BC of these odd "RUBY" text around it, just to emphasise something about SAMPO.

Sampo happily singing about himself or his supposed "purpose" makes me think he's a mix of 3 paths (as in he believes in them or he embodies them in some way):

The Preservation-- he has been consistently running around belebog behind the scenes, even as far as going to penacony to get his mask back from sparkle. He's obviously trying to *preserve* belebog and save it from destruction

Elation-- this is pretty obvious. Sampo braking the 4th wall, his mask, his talk with Giovanni and scamming people. But something that doesn't add up I think is him not having his mask during the belebog quest. I think the reason why he didn't have his mask was not only BC he was retired as many people mentioned but ALSO the fact that the masks that the fools carry can corrupt them. If U watch Sparkle's myriad celestia trailer, U can tell she's being possessed by someone else like an evil spirit and how her mask has half red, half white parts. But then I think ABT Giovanni who has the same feature on his mask but doesn't seem possessed like sparkle herself. He seems very similar to Sampo, calm and rational which explains why SAMPO'S friends with him in the first place. But even then sampo seems to refuse sharing his beliefs until someone asks him and I think that shows his reluctance to return to elation

Nihilty-- this is SAMPO'S ingame path and I didn't only choose it BC it was his ingame path. You see elation and Nihility are practically the same thing. Both believe that life is nothing/joke but the only thing that sets them apart is that nihility just does nothing and awaits for that meaningless end, while the elation is just like "if everything is meaningless than I might just have fun". I feel like Sampo does fall under this category and his backstory will have elements linking to the nihility but that's just my speculation.

I also suspect that sampo was hired by Elio like sparkle BC how else does he know the future? I thought that since sampo may be the emanator of elation, it might relate to that but if he did know the future, during the penacony masquerade duet quest, why did he make a surprised expression when sparkle said she wouldn't give his mask back as a joke? Shouldn't he have known that sparkle was joking if he knew the future? I don't think he was acting here

so I'm thinking that perhaps, Sampo was also hired by Elio. There isn't much to prove this, but if you have a look at firefly's trailer, you can see the stelleron hunters walking on a bridge located in belebog

Also, I think a person on twitter found a note in rivet town from blade saying "you will never get away from me" (dan Heng I pity U).

Since the stelleron hunters didn't take the stelleron from belebog, and let tb do the work, why were they even there to begin with? To give sampo the script methinks.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

[linaxisk]

In progress of... something

I'm so mad about this man, I could talk about him for hours (unfortunately for my friends)

I made so many hc for him I can'ttt😩

You can point out anything that looks wrong if you'll find anything off until I'll finish, I'd be only happy to fix it 🤗

TW:cult themes

One of the hc a adore is that phone person made him join the cult, it just feels so right to me.

And you know about this one thing cults make you do? They don't let you sleep and eat well so you would lose your critical thinking, and won't question other bad things they do to you.

I think this is what Spam gone through. That was possibly something like a very busy schedule of filming ads and phone calls that can last for days. This is what I was trying to show at this pic for context 💥

Also, I do not support cults, and if you feel that your close friend, family member or a person you know might be dragged into it, you need to get help for them. Something like this might destroy a person's life and you could be the one who prevents it from happening, but I hope nobody will be in a situation like this🙏

OK, I actually infodumped more than I thought I will, but who cares anyway

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[shepscapades]

Why does Ren have 4 ears? Are they all real or is one set fake?

Hehe I’ve gotten this question a lot actually! They’re all real— I like to think hybridization isn’t always a clean balance of traits, so Ren just unfortunately ended up with two sets of ears— his Dog ears being much more receptive to sound, naturally— and sometimes when the extra intake of sound is too overwhelming, I imagine he wears earplugs in his human ears to help adjust :> it’s a bit weird, but idk! i like to make designs funky and nonconventional! I liked the idea that Ren had hearing struggles due to wonky hybridization and just kept the concept :>

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know you don't like discussing the muses but i love your takes and perspectives and i had to ask you about this. after listening to ttpd, did you have the impression that she really loved matty more than any of her exes/previous relationships?. And listening to the whole album as a whole would you call it the ''matty album'' or do you think there are more prominent themes in there than their period together?. (hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering it)

hey anon! You're right, I don't really like to get into the muses as I don't really think there's anything to add to the conversation at this point, and ultimately I don't think it matters.

That being said, and with the caveat that I am not Taylor and I do not know Taylor so I cannot speak to her thoughts and can only make relatively educated guesses based on being an avid consumer of her work and a student of the human condition (lol), no I do not think Taylor loved Matty more than anyone else. I think there was maybe a brief period in the thick of things where she *thought* she did because she was not thinking clearly and was in full-on denial, but to me the message that is loud and clear in the album (and more or less explicitly stated in the epilogue) is that it was not any kind of real love affair. It was certainly infatuation and lust and the promise of something more, and there may have been some love as well, but he was in no way the love of her life by any measure.

I would call it a "Matty album" insofar as they're about events in which he was present, sure. But I feel it much more as a Taylor album, if that makes sense, even though I know that's a cop out because every album is to a degree. I can't explain it well, but I don't see TTPD as a Matty (or Joe) album in the way that I would maybe say Red is a "Jake" album or 1989 may be a "Harry" album or even Lover being a "Joe" album whatever, because even if they don't figure in all the songs, that kind of heartbreak permeates so much of the material.

The thing about TTPD and the Matty situation is that the Matty situation is really a Joe situation (which in some ways is actually partially a Jake situation). I always say I hate treating Taylor like a character so I hate speaking about her and her work in this way, but you don't get the Matty situation without the Joe situation precipitating it. It's @taylortruther's now-infamous donut vs. hole analogy. The reason Taylor makes the choices she does with Matty is directly tied to what happened with Joe that made her feel she needed to. Which is not to say Taylor isn't responsible for her own actions or doesn't have agency in her own life, but I mean it in that the situation in which she found herself with Joe, and the pain it caused, is what made the alternative so comforting and perhaps even necessary in her mind. It's why it makes it so hard to "paternity test" the album, because the stories are inherently intertwined and you don't get the former without the latter.

The major "theme" of the album to me is the loss of a very specific, very personal dream, and the way in which she lost it, and the way in which grieving that loss drove her to make the choices she did. We're all talking very delicately about it because it's a sensitive topic, but it's late on Friday and few people are going to see this, so I'm going to say it: it's the give you my wild, give you a child of it all. The yearning she expresses both overtly and sub-textually for having a family in the album is palpable in a very iykyk kind of way, and it's the realization that those plans are not going to come to fruition in the way she had once imagined that drives a lot of the pain she experiences, and makes her jump at the chance to find that again with someone else.

I started a draft post about the theme of womanhood and motherhood on TTPD three months ago that I never finished because I ran out of time and ran out of steam, but it was the most striking thing to me on the album, not because I didn't know that she wanted those things because that's been obvious for years (definitely since Lover, and again, peace put it all on the table), but because the vulnerability she expressed about it on the album is incredibly moving, and it's so generous of her to trust listeners with those feelings and experiences.

Again, it's the thirtysomething of it all.

She is in relationship A which she at one point believes is forever, one which she at one point believes is going to lead to marriage and children. She is so committed to that dream that she either ignores or tries to fix serious issues that may otherwise lead others to think the two people in the relationship are incompatible, both because she loves the person deeply and because she feels that this is meant to be the way she achieves that dream. She gives it her everything, and it still dies a slow, painful, onerous death, and she feels like it may take her along with it. The dream of getting married and presumably having a family gets taken off the table: how we don't know and will likely never know because that is private between the parties involved. All that matters in the context of the album is that those plans never come to fruition and never would.

Then you have relationship B, an old flame who knows just enough buttons to push both to trigger and to flatter. A person who she presumably trusts with very sensitive, personal information as her life slowly crumbles, and this person is telling her all the things she wants to hear because he knows about what is happening in relationship A because she's told him. Person in relationship B doesn't get an "in" with her and sell her this dream unless what happens in relationship A precedes it. It's not a grand love affair for the ages, it's not a mutual decision on building their own dream together. It's Person B learning about what is happening with Person A and saying "I can do that!" even if he can't or doesn't. The dream he sells her is a rental car; it's not his own, he's just borrowing it from someone else and selling it back to her.

And the reason she falls for it is because it is what she aches for the most in her personal life, and she is grappling with it disintegrating, so she (unfortunately for her) falls for the easy way out, and in turn sells herself a story about how this must be fated, and this must be meant to be, because this person wants all the same things she does and she didn't even have to bargain for it! Well, yes, because she fed him the dream in the first place. (Like a mark falling for a sleeper cell spy.) It's too good to be true because it isn't true. IMO Person B doesn't come running out of the gate with the marriage/baby/dream life promises unless he knows that is what she most desires. But what's left unsaid out of all of it is that: those dreams were her dreams because they were her dreams with Person A. It was a whole life they had together, and a whole life they had planned for in some fashion, and a whole life that has to be dismantled in the aftermath.

So all this to say, yes, on the surface, Matty is a "main character" on the album, but truly he's a side character to Taylor as the narrator and person experiencing it and Joe as the ghost bit-player-who-haunts-every-scene. (Again, I hate referring to real people as characters, it gives me the absolute ick, but in this case it's the only way to answer the question.) I jokingly call it the Matty album for shorthand or when I want to say something out of pocket, but really, it's a disservice to the album to say that because it's not a muse album as in it's about the romance (like, say, Red often is), it's about a soul-crushing heartbreak that goes beyond it. The romance is the symptom, not the cause.

The loss of youth is tied in with all this: she's not 22 anymore. She isn't even 32 anymore. She had a very specific idea of what her life was going to look like at this point and had planned for that life, and it goes up in smoke. But again, to bring the womanhood into it all: there is, unfortunately, a deadline for these things. You're with someone for over half a decade you think is going to be your life partner and father of your children and and then he's not. You spent half a decade building this relationship for it to crumble, but now you're in your mid-30s and you don't necessarily have another half-decade to build that trust and faith in someone else before being ready to start a family. And maybe you're scared that anyone else who may become your partner will need that much time to build that trust and faith, because that's kind of all you've ever know in relationships. But lo and behold, someone comes into your life you once had feelings for and maybe now do again and is offering you everything you want and thought you'd have by this point in your life right now. It feels like an elixir that as we find out is actually poison.

That youth is not just the chance for motherhood, but it's also the hopes and idealism and belief in the future that often gradually erodes as we age. But for Taylor as well, it's also tied into the trauma of what she went through particularly in 2016, which kicks off a lot of things on the album as well (her retreat, her relationship with Joe, the pivoting in her career, etc.). That event caused a pretty clear before/after in her life (like a few other events, I suspect), and another major theme in the album is her finally grappling with the full weight of that. They're all different branches of the same tree of the story of TTPD and her life.

I could talk about this stuff forever, but I'm going to stop here because it's long enough and I should save stuff for one of the dozens of drafts I have half-baked lol. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest perhaps.

[khaleesiofalicante]

i was having lunch with someone from the US government and they brought up the 'war in gaza' and when I responded I said 'genocide in gaza' and everyone at the table was like 😬😬😬 anyway i might not have a job tomorrow lmao

[bywandandsword]

It's interesting how Jonathan keeps equating himself with women, first with the gothic heroines of books, now "sitting at a little oak table where in old times possibly some fair lady sat to pen, with much thought and many blushes, her ill-spelt love-letter" and feeling the first bit of comfort in a while in what he identifies as a woman's room. I know tumblr keeps identifying Jonathan as the book's Damsel in Distress, but it's interesting that Jonathan is consciously identifying himself that way, rather than identifying with any number of the action heroes in books of the time.

I wonder what men in 1897 thought about it, and I wonder if it was a conscious decision on Bram Stoker's part

[sparklingchim]

[winryrockbellwannabe]

this guy is honestly making me question too much shit

bc there's no way in hell is just that nice, right?

at this point either: 1. he's being this nice and kind bc he has a crush on me, 2. he's honestly that nice, which will make me have a crush on him, bc omg. he's just the nicest person ever

[antiadvil]

How bad is it that every time Dan and Phil do something incredibly married (joint Instagram posts) I go wait this is such a good idea I should start doing this with my besties. Why was my aquarium post not a joint post??? What am I doing??

[bisexualbuckl-y]

i can't stop thinking about buck's future reaction to this new eddie storyline in like a best friend way, because i don't know how aware buck is of how much eddie is struggling with his mental health lol, like how long ago was the last time they spoke about shannon in relation to eddie? does buck think eddie is over her death? or maybe not over but at least he's come to terms with it? i feel like we'll see eddie trying to hide this thing with kim and buck will surely know something's going on but i don't think he'll ever imagine something close to what's happening, and then aside from the lying and bad feelings surrounding the situation he'll also feel awful because he just didn't know how this was still an issue eddie was having... yk?