i've really had xina and miguel's dynamic under a microscope lately; right now my object of scrutiny is xina's use of "kevorkian" in issue #26. it's a quick, tongue-in-cheek comment about miguel's suicidality; kevorkian, at the time of publication, was routinely making headlines for his stance taken and assistance in physician-assisted suicides.
we know early on that xina is, as miguel describes, a "twencen freak," which manifests the most prominently via a love for old pop culture, but it doesn't stop there. she notably talks about alchemax's habit of erasing history, has a lifelike version of a old political figure in her home, and, in this case, brings up a name that's big in bioethics debates.
importantly, she says it very offhandedly, implying that she and miguel have had these discussions before—and i doubt the state is particularly eager to bring up any talk of ethics to their scientists-in-training.
my take on miguel sinking deeper into alchemax's agenda is that while he really doesn't care for the institution itself, he's mistakenly convinced himself that he's chosen the most politically neutral option possible. science is anything but apolitical; it is deeply, irretrievably steeped in concerns about morality. at the time miguel and xina were drifting apart, this wasn't something he wanted to mull over. (after all, once he realizes he's an accessory to state-sanctioned oppression, he wants nothing more than his life to end.)
xina is smart, yes—and i think, knowledgeable, specifically, in ways that directly challenged the delicate mental gymnasium that miguel had started to build for himself. it's not just that xina being more intelligent became a problem. she was also probably (and rightfully) challenging the value of his work, the completeness of his knowledge, and becoming a huge source of cognitive dissonance.
he's the geneticist, but xina, who specializes in an entirely different field, was engaging him in talks about the ethical implications of the work he was doing. trying to get him to think for himself, appealing to the good person she sincerely believes exists in this strange new version of her friend.
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There is a post that comes across my dash every so often which talks about the two fundamental kinds of tragedies: the story that is tragic because it was always going to end in sorrow; and the story that is tragic because it didn't *have* to end in sorrow.
The latest episode of Wheel of Time (2x07) is, I think, an example of the latter - and yet, at the same time, I think it was a tragedy that was *destined* to happen.
I know there are theories concerning Compulsion having been used on Siuan (and possibly some other theories about why she acted as she did in Cairhien), and I do not at all want to discount them because honestly it would make sense. But, taking the events of the episode at face value - as much as I hate it, and as much as I personally wish it had gone a little differently, I do think that the way Moiraine and Siuan's conflict culminated was a horrible, tragic example showing just how toxic, damaging, and outright dangerous the fundamental traditions of the White Tower (and even culture of the Aes Sedai) are and have become.
But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
I do think that this episode, more than any of the others yet, suffered from the limited episodes Rafe/the writers were given to work with. It felt rushed, and we didn't get the chance to breathe with any of the characters in the really intense and honestly critical emotional scenes (e.g. the scene at the beginning where Moiraine and Siuan talk).
And it's there - the first scene with Moiraine and Siuan - that I think the tragedy that was to come was irrevocably decided. Because if Siuan had stopped, had listened, had given Moiraine the time she needed to be able to talk about what was happening, I think the whole mess could have been avoided. But Siuan didn't.
And I understand why, I think. Siuan was afraid and hurt. To her point of view, Moiraine had made it clear that she had cut her out of her confidence and counsel. Moiraine had been purposefully neglecting to share critical information with Siuan, and that information was very impactful on her ability to fill her role in the plan. To Siuan, I'm sure it absolutely looked like Moiraine had already broken faith with her - had already decided it wasn't *them* trying to find and protect and ready the Dragon Reborn, but *Moiraine* alone. Whether Siuan thought that choice was made from pride, grief, or Moiraine distrusting/distancing herself from Siuan, I don't think it would matter really. To Siuan, the outcome was the same.
It wasn't her and Moiraine against the world anymore. It was her, and Moiraine, and the world.
And Moiraine had proven herself incapable - at least, that's what it looked like.
There were plenty of ways that this could have been avoided. Moiraine could have been more open and forthright. Lan could have told Siuan about his suspicions regarding Moiraine's stilling. There are likely things that Alanna or even Verin could have said that would have inclined one (or the other, or even both! all three of them!) to have made different choices.
But there, I think, is the reason that this tragedy, while it could have been avoided, was destined to happen all the same - in one form or another, even if not that exact time and place and between those very specific women.
Because the Aes Sedai value secrecy and personal agenda above all else. Even if those secrets and those agendas are in the service of something else, something greater - a perfect example, of course, being Moiraine searching for the Dragon Reborn - the Aes Sedai do not trust each other. They cannot. Because their lives, their very society and community, is built on secrecy, on lies-spoken-as-truth, on politics and power and hidden agendas. They are at war against themselves, and not just because of the Black Ajah. They are at war against themselves because the White Tower does not allow honesty, trust, or open loyalty between its Sisters - ever.
And that is why, in the end of it all, I think the White Tower and the Aes Sedai, at least as they exist right now, need to be razed. Because how are those who are meant to protect and guard and guide the world able to do so, if they cannot even trust *any* of their own sisters to do the same for them?
That is why, while the tragedy of this episode could have been forestalled, maybe even avoided - it was destined to happen all the same.
But it hurts - so goddamn bad - that it had to be here, and now, and between Siuan and Moiraine.
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I started reading this like 4 days ago, time has blurred together. I have not slept over 5 and a half hours of sleep in that time, I had to get up at 6 for something and was going 'just one more chapter' several times until it was 2am. The only thing that I can think about is LIAB, I am quickly losing my sanity to Zukka and the prison camp. I came here for a fun time, a good time and the sheer amount of angst that I had heard this had. And, I was certainly not lied to.
I am the type of person to read hard core angst. Impaling, torture , doesn't even phase me anymore (bit concerning but ignore that), I have taken to the blank word document to get that sinking, queasy feeling when the angst gets really hard core. First few chapters of this had me captivated and then Zuko came into it, *Chefs kiss*
I can't read long fics because I don't have the attention span, but for this I make an exception, also if you read it all in like 4 days the attention span doesn't have time to run out! I am on the 3 part, chapter 2 and I actively plan to binge read it tonight. Do I have school in the morning? Yes. Am I still going to stay up until 1 in the morning reading this and make up for my lack of sleep with caffeine? Also yes.
I really hope that Jet dies in this, I hope that he has a really anti-climatic death as well, like he falls off a slightly too high ledge. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE gets to separate MY GAYS LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE JUST HAD TO TELL FONG THAT ZUKO WAS AT THE BLOODY CAMP!
and the Forest Lesbians, may they live forever in the local folk lore about two witches that lived the forest and used the power of being gay to cure people.
thank you for writing this, it has really made me happy reading this even though my favourite gays are getting traumatised (more traumatised than usual for Zuko). I have only been reading this, my friends are concerned about me since I don't think I have willingly left the house in... *looks down at fingers, realises I don't have enough fingers to count this* umm... too long!
*holds your hands* how are you doing friend??
your ask had me both nervous and excited haha & the greatest thing about responding to this a few days late is that you’ve probably finished it by now haha. I feel sorry for your sleep schedule but I also don’t feel bad haha <3
I’m glad LIAB met your expectations in the angst, it’s probably one of the more angsty/ darker zukka fics & it’s probably going to get worse lol. (Not for zukka specifically, everyone gets to join this time) But you’ll see… if I can hold your attention until the end haha.
as for your Jet thoughts I’m sure you found out what happened to him by now ;) <3
thanks for this amazing ask seriously you’re great & you deserve to get yourself a treat for taking the time to send me this haha YOURE AWESOMEEEEEE
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more in depth explanation ig, i dont feel like i can listen to especially poets without thinking about the whole paternity test analysis thing.
when i first listened i felt really awful and embarrassed and i couldn't quite articulate why
while im still trying to figure it out, a huge part of my feelings was (and still is) that the part of me that wants to theorize about songs and who they're about, and connect it to taylor's life and imagine what she wrote about is at odds with what i hear in the lyrics about creeps who want the best for me and etc
there are some songs im better at just vibing with and some songs that i just actively have to force myself not to be like "oh thats about x person and so they did this and she did this and..."
I'm trying, and if anyone has suggestions or things that work for them please send them to me, im new to this and to online fandoms in general. i feel so shitty but then there's part of me that still doesn't see harm in thinking "x song is about taylor and x person, so using what you know about them both lets picture this in your mind" and "oh [symbol 1] that must mean it's about [person 1], but wait now there's also [symbol 2] so it's about [person 1 and person 2] but wait does that mean person 2 could also be related to symbol 1?" all the while all of these people are real actual people.
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