#anyway it's such an absolutely heartbreaking mess and I love them still caring for each other despite it

[firebirdsdaughter]

The tragedy about the conflict of s3…

… Is that neither of them wanted it.

Okay, Neal kinda wanted it, I’m sure. Temptation. But he didn’t act on it, and he didn’t want it like this. Neal’s fault in this is that he could have walked away or said something at any point after, but he didn’t want to be in this situation. Mozzie forced him into it.

Peter sure as hell didn’t want it either. You can tell by how he either freezes up or get uncharacteristically emotional whenever it’s brought up. Esp by this point he genuinely cares deeply about Neal and wants him to get clean. The three things Peter loves most in the world are literally El, the law, and Neal at this point. He’s full on adopted this kid. He wants to be wrong, but he can’t compromise his belief in the laws and the system and the truth to not pursue it. He hates it, it takes so much out of him, and I think seeing Neal be hurt by his suspicions makes it all the worse, but this is Peter, finding the truth is who he is. S1 and 2 were slowly building the trust and relationship between them, and from Peter’s perspective, Neal may have just completely destroyed that. Thrown away everything he thought they had, and Peter’s attempts to help him go straight. But as much as it hurts him, he keeps the painting scrap out of evidence bc he wants to know first. He doesn’t want it to go on record and to have the whole Bureau come down on Neal. Despite himself he still wants to give the kid a modicum of chance—he also shows awareness that it could have been Mozzie or Alex.

And like I said above, Neal hates it, too. And not just being under suspicion again. At first, having Peter, the one person he completely trusts, accusing him, from his perspective, out of the blue after he just nearly got shot, after Peter just killed a man to protect him… Like that clearly just breaks his heart. Even during the opening interrogation, when he’s calmed down some, he’s still got that wounded look in his eyes—although I think he’s also clocking Peter’s unhappiness by that point bc it’s less offended and just sad. By that point he knows the treasure survived, but he does know he didn’t do it. He’s hurt by Peter’s suspicion of him but now he knows there’s a reason to be suspicious and he is hiding something.  But even after he finds out that Mozzie did it… Even from the onset, he’s not quite truly happy. And even though he knows it’s now justified, that there’s very possibly evidence connecting it to him/them… Even though he goes along at first… You can tell there’s something off. Old Neal would be much more excited, not hesitating and looking vaguely shell shocked. And I think when he finds out it was Mozzie and that Mozzie took it ‘for them,’ he feels like he has betrayed Peter. He gets visibly more awkward about deflecting, which I think is actually honest as opposed to a deception. He’s letting his real emotions dictate his behaviour—he’s genuinely hurt by Peter’s suspicion, he genuinely cares what Peter thinks, he’s genuinely uncomfortable with his new position. But even after all of it, Neal instantly realises that Peter is still protecting him by w/holding the painting scrap—and I think that realisation is the stepping stone for his character development the rest of the season, bc in that moment, he realises he hasn’t wholly lost Peter, and not in a ‘I can still play him way.’ In a ‘thank god he doesn’t hate me now’ way, bc Neal doesn’t want Peter to hate him, he never did, and he esp doesn’t now. As early as s1 he didn’t want to let him down, and now he feels like Peter’s completely cut him off—only to be given that one bit of hope for making things better. Which is what makes him believe in everything else.

Neither of them wanted to be put at odds like this.

[valora23]

Hello, Big Brother~! Pt.1

Hello wonderful people! It is I, Valora~! I have indeed returned from my grave with the intention to continue my little series called "Eccentric Family" as it seemed to... gain a lot of views, surprising enough. I thank you readers for all the attention it has been getting lately.

Though there is another part of the series coming soon, an online friend of mine had decided to perhaps do a request of her own. This story is honestly long over due, but I did it! Behold, part 1 of a request made by: @hornet05. Thankyou, my friend. This masterpiece is for you. And now, on to the story~! Enjoy!

Ah, love. They say it's the best feeling ever! There's even a whole day in the year that dedicates on its celebration. Everyone loved that day. I guess you can say it's a day most people took seriously. I suppose you were not most people. And I quote; "were".

Back when you were still in high school, the peak of secret admirers and constant love along with heartbreak, you never seemed to care about this stuff. In fact, when your friend asked if you would ever fall in love, you would constantly say no. The thing is, you never understood that feeling and imagining one day to feel like how others have described it just felt... like an untouchable dream.

Though all that didn't matter anymore when you met Rei during your first years in college. It was no love at first sight, but you did experience the small bud that soon blossomed into the feeling of love that everyone constantly gushed about. You were embarrassed to say it to your friends, though. You constantly denied it during high school. You couldn't just possibly say; "I might have a crush on someone even after I said I will never fall in love."

But still, all of the signs are there, and your friends had no problem putting the pieces together. Knowing that it'll hurt your pride to tell you straight fowardly, and know that there is no way you will take the first step, they took initiative to befriend Rei and set the two of you on a blind date.

To say you were pissed was an understatement. This was just straight-up embarrassing for you. One of your friends told you that Rei had simply asked them to eat together and said they could bring you and your other friends. But nope! They set it all up so that you two could have a small date together.

I won't get into details, sadly, that part is classified information. But what I can say is that it was an absolute disaster. You were a blushing, hot mess after that whole ordeal. But it worked nonetheless. He asked you out on a more literal date, and you accepted. From then on, both you and Rei are finally dating each other. Your friends couldn't be happier for you.

Though, as the days go by, you noticed how Rei usually declines your invitation to go on dates outside of college hours. Though you're not complaining, since Rei spends most of his free time with you anyway. Plus, the frequent study sessions you begged him to do. People often ask if you were truly fine with it, in which you answered yes. I mean, who cares about some date when you spend time with your boyfriend anyway, right? The point of a date was to have a moment just the two of you anyway. And that's what you two literally did almost every day. Besides, it made dates twice as special since he only takes you on a full on date on special occasions. But you're not gonna lie. You are currious on what he did after college that made him so busy. But then you did found out.

One day, Rei didn't come to college for the whole day. You tried looking for him, texted him, and called him even. But it didn't seem like he checked his phone the whole day. Then, you were suddenly approached by one of Rei's closest friends, Kaoru Hakaze, known to be the ultimate playboy on campus. How they became friends is kinda beyond you. But Kaoru told you that Rei was sick, that's why he didn't come that day.

Worried sick for your boyfriend, you demanded Kaoru to take you to Rei's house. Now, you might be thinking; "Y/n! You're Rei's girlfriend! How come you didn't know his address?!" Well, my friends, he simply didn't tell you. Why? Who knows? He just simply didn't tell you. In return, you didn't tell him your address, so it's kinda fair.

Anyway, Kaoru was honestly hesitant to, but you kept pestering him to submission. So the next thing you know, Kaoru is reluctantly guiding you to Rei's house. Once you both reached his door, Kaoru ran away with some lame excuse of having another date with some girl.

You were confused with his actions but shrugged it off. You faced the door and knocked on it. It took a while, but then the door opened, revealing 3 children behind the door. They all stared at you for a second before the pink haired one slammed the door shut to your face. It surprised you, but you were too focused on why there were children in the house.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the door opened again, revealing a man with shoulder-length brown hair. "Hello there! Sorry for Kohaku's actions. He didn't mean any harm!" The man smiled and ushered you inside. "Yes... hello, um... I'm Y/n, Rei's... girlfriend..." You explained. The man's eyes widened happily. "Ah! So you're the girl Rei has been happily talking about! I'm Madara Mikejima! I'm Rei's uncle. I don't live here, but I'm currently helping Rei take care of his siblings while he's sick." You eyed him quizzically.

"Siblings?" Madara looked at you before he sweat dropped. "Of course he didn't mention them to you... he never really mentions his siblings to anyone until they visit his house. But I'm sure you're here for Rei, right? His room is on the second floor, first door on the left." Madara said. You smiled at him. "Thank you, Mikejima-san." You bowed as a sign of gratitude. "Ah, no worries! And you can just call me Mama!" You looked at him confused again. "Mama...?" He just smiled sweetly before once again ushering you, but upstairs this time.

Following Madara's instructions, you manage to find the door. Honestly, it wasn't so hard, as the door had a nameplate with the word 'Rei' on it and a couple of bat decorations. Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door. It took a while, but then you heard a raspy "Come in" from the other side of the door.

You slowly opened the door to reveal Rei laying in bed, a cloth on his forehead. Rei looked at you, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Y-Y/n...?" He tried to sit up, but you rushed towards him to lay him back down. Of course, you made sure to close the door first. "What are you doing here...?" He asked in disbelief. "I came here to check on you, dummy. When I heard you were sick I came rushing here." You explained, pouting a bit that he didn't tell you he was sick. Rei chuckled, and you pouted even more. "Hey! It's not funny, y'know! I came here worried sick for you!" You said angrily. Rei stopped laughing. "It's cute when you worry over me like that, you know?" You blushed because of his words. "S-shut up! It's normal for a girlfriend to worry about their boyfriend. And besides... who knows what you did the whole day. Maybe you ran away to cheat with some girl." You didn't really think that, of course. And Rei knew that. So he laughed even more. The mood then seemed lighter as the two of you laughed.

"So... about your siblings...." You start. Rei looked away guiltily. "I guess I should've told you this sooner. I have siblings I take care of myself. Mama sometimes come to help, but he also has two little sons of his own, so I don't usually bother him." You look at him solemnly. "What about... your parents...?" Rei sighed. "Both our parents got into an accident a year ago. I've been taking care of my siblings ever since." You both stayed silent for a while. That is until you hugged him tightly. "You don't have to hide that from me... do you feel ashamed for taking care of your siblings that you didn't want to tell anyone including me...?" Rei shook his head as he starts tearing up. "Somehow, the thought of you being disgusted by this repeatedly play in my head."

"For taking care of you siblings?! Of course not! You're just doing what you can! Trust me, ok? I'll help you this time. I'll help you take care of them. Whatever you need, ok? I have my own apartment here, you know. I don't really have plans. I only work on part-time jobs during sundays and mondays. So I'm free whenever. Just. Tell me when you need anything from now on, ok?" Rei nodded as he smiles. "Thankyou." You hugged him tightly once again then kissed him on the forehead. Then the two of you decided to cuddle up together.

A few hours had passed. It's now the afternoon, specifically dinner time. Someone stood in front of Rei's bedroom door, knocking on the hardwood. "Rei-nii? Wakey wakey~!" Another figure standing beside the first one nudged him. "Don't scream like that! We don't want to disturb Nii-san, ok?" He sighed. Then he opened the door slowly. The two peeked inside.

The two were quite shocked to see their oldest brother all snuggled up in bed with a woman they didn't know. Opening the door even further, the lught touches Rei's sensitive eyes. He slowly stirred before opening his eyes. The two figures stood there, frozen. Rei looked at the two figures and then sat up to see more clearly. Of course, I'm minding you so he won't accidently wake you up. "Shu? Kanata?" Rei asked once his eyes cleared up.

"Brother, Mama had told us to call you for dinner. Sorry to disturb your... ah... slumber..." The younger brother said. "Sorry Nii-san..." Rei shook his head. "No, it's fine. Every meal of the day is important, after all. You two go on head down, I'll catch up once I'm... sorry, i mean we are ready." The two looked at each other before nodding and slowly leaving the room, slowly closing the door too. Once the door clicked to a close, the two immediately ran down to the kitchen.

"Mama! You didn't tell us Nii-san has a girlfriend!" The eldest of the two shouted. "Be quiet...! We don't want for brother to hear...!" The younger scolded. "Ah, right. I forgot to tell you both. Your brother's girlfriend came over because she's worried about your sick brother! Isn't that sweet~?" Madara gushed. "Couldn't you tell us that before? We wouldn't have dared to even disturb if we knew." The younger grumbles. Honestly, the reason was because he cringes at the sight of lovey dovey things. Meanwhile, the older one started to gush at it with Madara.

Back to our two protags, they both had gotten themselves ready and were about to head down stairs. Though, to be honest, you were really nervous. I mean, who wouldn't? Meeting your partner's family is no measly thing. It's basically you convincing them that you can be a great partner to your significant other. Also, to get you aquainted before marriage.

Rei noticed this nervousness and grabbed your hand gently. "Nervous?" You nodded slowly. "Don't be. Everything is going to be alright." He gently pat your head with his free hand. You blushed under his touch. "But... first impressions are everything, isn't it? I don't look... presentable like this... just look at me. My hair is an absolute mess, I'm practically still in my uniform... even if I am wearing your shirt... and... what if I messed up? And... so they won't like me...?" You rambled. Rei heard every word. He grabbed your chin and closed you both in for a kiss. This relaxed you a bit. Feeling the warmth of Rei is always the best.

"Don't worry. They may be... odd... at times...-"

"Just like you?" You cut him off. He chuckles. "Yes. Just like me. But they are not bad people. Some may need more convincing than others, but I'm sure you'll do great. Besides, you look perfect just the way you are." You smiled at him, feeling a bit more courage within you. "So... You're a bad person?" You tease. Rei realised what he said. "Of course not. I may be a vampire, but I'm a nice vampire." You laugh at his comeback. Honestly, it's always funny to you how he thinks that he's a very old emo vampire when he's really not. He just has a condition that makes him not stand the sun that well, happen to have black hair, red eyes, and has pale skin. Just because of that doesn't make him a vampire, right? But nonetheless, it's one of his charms, so you're not complaining.

Upon reaching the dinner table, you were met with people who you hadn't met yet and the few people you met at the door just a few hours ago. Assuming they are all Rei's siblings, they were a lot. "Ah~! Y/n! Thanks for joining us tonight. I made Rei's favorite today, so please enjoy~." 'Mama' said to you. "No, no! I should be thanking you all for inviting me." You said nervously as you bowed your head. Rei then lead you to your seat, which was beside Rei.

Oh, boy. Cold stares hit you from left to right as you uncomfortably sat in your seat. Rei, knowing you very well, tried to give you a reasuring smile as he gently grasp your hand in his for comfort. Though you knew this will be a very long night.

What happened next? That's for me to know, and for you to find out~

word count: 2270

Well, that's it folks. How was that for a come back? Was it bad? If it is, please forgive me. This is me finishing it before finals. But eh, I tried my absolute best. And yes, this is part one. Part 2 may come soon. Don't know when. I might postpone it to work on my Eccentric Family series to mix it up a bit. who knows? Just know part 2 is definitely comin! Well, goodbye for now!

Valora out~!

[eridude]

for ship ask thing erisol arafef and (hear me out) erisolkat

YEAH YEAH YOU KNOW ME YOU KNOW WHAT IM ABOUT,,,

ERISOL:

IM A HUGE ERISOL FAN. IM SORRY. I KNOW. THEY'RE JUST SO FUCKING RRRAGHHHDHEH. i like my ships absolutely pathetic failboy disaster hellpiles and eridan is the King of Being The Worst so Unfortunately i love him and yet i also hate him and also he is my brand ??? eridude or whatever... AND sollux. is my Favorite troll in the comic. im absolutely fanatical about him. and they hate each other so much and are so miserable all the time and yet they are constantly drawn right back to one another do they REALLY hate each other ??? do they??? yes but also no but also YES. they are absolutely obsessed with each other in the best way and the worst way and is it healthy maybe not but it COULD BE HEALTHY?? and maybe that's the hook??? they are such an absolute fucking mess together and i know canonically it probably would not work out but in my Mind i have invented a universe where they absolutely would work out and they're dating and it's so fucking funny ahhahaha laughs evilly and manically. kings of quadrant flipping??? kings of being Maybe Nonbinary??? eridan looks at sollux hunched over with the worst posture known to man in his fucking gamer chair and sollux looks over at eridan in the worlds gaudiest outfit being a terrible person and they are both have thoughts of "oh fuck this should not be attractive at all and YET???"

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DOMESTIC LIVING SO HELP ME GOD.

i just really like them hee hee :3

ARAFEF:

rubs my hands together deviously. i love arafef so much guys. THEY HAVE SOME OF . THE SILLIEST PARADOX SPACE CONTENT. its so small and its still got me absolutely giggling and kicking my feet.

basically these two girls are so WEIRD and kind of terrifying and both so wonderful. it is actually heartbreaking we Don't ever get to see them really interact in main comic (the only interaction we get i believe is when aradia is a ghost and that's not even like a head on convo i think it's just aradia kind of commenting on something feferi says in alterniabound. sign. feel free to correct me if im wrong tho!!)

i love them and i think they could get up to so many shenanigans together- silly girls going on adventures together, aradia shows feferi all her cool dead stuff and feferi is like "380 !! 38) <3", watching scary movies together(these two would be so fucking into horror!!!) if sollux and eridan are lame nerds these two are the COOLEST NERDS IN EXISTENCE. like this is a couple that you would meet and be like oh my god they're awesome..and maybe they even hold hands? kiss a little? kiss a LOT even?? fall asleep in a pile together?? PERHAPS THEY SNUGGLE???

anyways i think about them a normal amount. also i love them in arasolfef (sollux deserves TWO scary girlfriends.) and arafefnep? catfishbones maybe?? nepeta has such a cute relationship with both of these girls so methinks they deserve to all kiss :3.

ERISOLKAT:

BACK TO ERISOL. BUT THIS TIME. KARKAT. so obviously all of the erisol stuff still holds true for this but somehow adding karkat to the mix makes it all so much more domestic? i think maybe it's because karkat has the NEED to take care of his friends and these two both need a lot of attention. it just all balances out so perfectly imo. and all of these characters have such interesting relationships with each other and it is all genuinely so sweet. and yet they're all such gripe-y whiney assholes so it's baffling that it SHOULD be as sweet as it is.

maybe im biased cause some of my favorite fluff fanfics i've read for hs were erisolkat. but heyyyy. anyways i love these horrible creatures and i think all of them holding hands is a Fantastic fucking idea.

[throttlegainwell]

Not to get too self-indulgently deep into meta for my own series, but, like, what's tumblr for if not giving director's commentary on our fics? (Also, hey, if anyone else wants to share some director's commentary of their fics, I would love that.)

One of the things about pdwm (particularly in Iconoclast) that's just really heartbreaking, to me (the person choosing to write this, I realize), is that Joyce is constantly devaluing her efforts. She keeps feeling like she wasn't there for Jonathan when he needed her and she let him down and she wasn't enough, and sometimes that's true, but what I really hope comes through in the text (maybe it does?) is that she absolutely was, sometimes.

Like, okay, she doesn't know what happened in when there's fire on the ground, but she does catch that something is wrong, and she does what she can to make him feel a little better in that moment. She works with what she's got: physical affection, company, food. They're not all winners, but he gives her basically nothing to work with there, and she still manages to be there, in some way, that makes him feel less alone, even though his trauma isolates him from her somewhat. The bar is pretty high, here, for what she'll notice--it takes literal blood to wake her up a little, and she focuses on the basic, pragmatic, and more easily remedied physical issues, like food, sleep, and wound care--but once she does, she's in it. (And he's not just passively sitting there waiting for her to notice, the way he might have as a younger kid; he's actively hiding his distress, though not as effectively as he thinks--it's more like she can see that he's actively doing this and decides to respect that boundary because he's not a little kid anymore, so what can she really do, force the truth out of him?)

In nightlights in the daytime, she changes her plans just to cook for him and make sure he eats and (very temporarily) relieve some of that burden of looking after Will, just to give him a break. She pushes back her pretty devastating anxiety and very legitimate terror over sparking a custody dispute to reach out to Lonnie and convince him to back off. She downplays this a lot, but that's huge.

She's looking out for him a lot, in little ways, that she brushes off because she knows they're not enough to make up for everything she's asking of him, but also because she can't really see it. She's too close to it. One of the reasons she's so gung ho about the camera is because it's something that she can see is really good for him, so she encourages that, but another is that it's one of the only connections she really has with him. There are no lines of communication; they do not see each other, they don't talk, they're just a functional operation more than a family by the time we meet them. She has no idea what he's doing or what's going on with him. But she sees in his photographs what he's been up to, what he considers important enough to document, hints of who he is even though he's pulled so far away from her and she's not available to him. There's something very intimate, to her, in seeing through his eyes that way. I tried to sneak in a bunch of other details in Iconoclast to that effect, smaller things that absolutely go right over her head but show that she is invested in his health and happiness (he's struggling with reading people? practice with him; he's kind of a loner in school? guess she'll keep an eye on that), just not sure how to provide those things.

Anyway, I dunno, I feel like Iconoclast really beats up on Joyce pretty bad. But Joyce did the best she could with what she had. I just didn't want it to seem like she woke up one day and suddenly noticed that her kid was a mess and she'd never looked out for him before. Because that's not the case at all. So that was my biggest goal, I think, and one of the reasons that it had to be from her POV, but also one of the things that makes her POV so much more painful than Jonathan's would have been.

[a-couple-of-notes]

stray willow 1x07 thoughts

it's hard when you finally have the time and energy to write meta and all the meta has already been written. anyway please check out the what the force podcast and all the great stuff here on tumblr. throwing a few extra pennies in the well because I love this damn show.

two particular line callbacks that I caught! the crone tells airk "forget all you know or think you know, and come with me." this is willow's line to elora from 1x02 about magic: "now forget all you know, or think you know." this connects the crone to elora, (they're both entities who have connected to the deep mystical magics) but also, obviously, to willow, as the dark version of his mage. the other is boorman's line "I'm nobody." this echoes elora's line from the first episode, where she's rejecting her heroic identity as elora danan. it shows boorman is also at that point, and is ready, like elora did, to build his way back up.

time is a big thing this episode! and specifically very messed-up, nonlinear time. the main party jump around from location to location, conversation to conversation, with a very loose sense of where it fits on the actual calendar - because the continuity is emotional. they'll only reach the end of the shattered sea and come out of the night once they've worked through all their baggage, which the darkness provides them cover to do (something something rest/subconscious). meanwhile airk is stuck in an endless day, kept from exploring his real feelings and subconscious. there is simultaneously too much and no time for him, as he becomes thirstier and thirstier but does not experience the rest or growth or transformative journey that the others do.

all of kit and elora's interactions were gold this episode. I've always loved their dynamic but now that kit's come into herself, I think this is a representation of how fulfilling that friendship can be: mirrors pushing each other to be better. I love how elora's training with willow spurs kit to train with jade, which spurs elora to train harder. like they're silently challenging each other, but in a much healthier way than before.

kit's "my lady" line is so interesting because given her stated desires ("to be brave and loved and to not be a princess"), the specific role she's taken up in the ensemble (the skeptic/elora's lancer), and some of the ways her relationship with jade has hashed out (their first kiss being very reminiscent of sleeping beauty with kit as the prince, kit's arc of having to prove herself a worthy partner for jade, jade's origins as a bonereaver princess), I sort of wonder if kit did want to be a knight. either way, I think that moment is doubly heartwarming for the way kit fulfills elora's dreams of being a princess and the fact that kit has grown enough to truly embody the chivalry of that gesture.

graydon's love confession was so good both as a romantic moment and a demonstration of his self-confidence. this boy was choking on his drink at dinner in episode 1! look at him now.

the flirty sparring was super hot, and I am very aware that all the spinning and sword-twirling is unrealistic but I don't care (and also choreography is character - this was more of a dance than an actual fight, kit was absolutely showing off her moves, and maybe the fact that kit spins around so much is a sign of trust! she knows jade won't stab her several times in the back! I admit that's probably a stretch.)

kit's look back at jade before falling off the cliff is so heartbreaking and good, both for what it conveys in the moment and for what it conveys about kit's growth as a character. in the beginning, kit would have charged ahead without a second thought, not caring about jade's feelings and probably assuming she'd be right behind her. now kit is still charging ahead (she hasn't lost her core self, a person who will forge ahead when others won't), but she does care about jade, she does look back and check in, and I don't think she assumes jade will follow her, even if she hopes she will.

I hope kenneth is all right.

[juniperhillpatient]

The Waterbending Master Re-Watch

This is one of those episodes that's really good but also just about every aspect of it is stressful - the A plot, B plot & C plot each just leave me so upset. For the A plot, we have Katara & Aang attempting to convince misogynist old Pakku to teach Katara water-bending. For the B plot, we have Zhao plotting to assassinate a teenager. And of course, the C plot, Yue's tragically doomed romance with Sokka.

I can't be clear enough about this: I am not a Pakku apologist. Fuck that guy, & not in the fun way. I don't care if he has a moment of nostalgia because Kanna left his crusty ass years ago, he's still a sexist & honestly just an unpleasant jerk. I loved Aang standing up to him & threatening to leave, & I loved Katara telling Aang not to sacrifice his lessons for her. There are a lot of wholesome Katara & Aang moments in this episode. I'm glad to say that this re-watch reminds me how much I actually enjoy their friendship.

Sokka & Yue's interactions are adorkable. I always forget how much of a mess Sokka is when he's trying to flirt. "Would you like to do an activity together?" is just such an endearing but funny thing to say. I need to incorporate this embarrassingly awkward & cute aspect of the Yuekka dynamic more into my future fanfics involving them.

Zhao continues to be disgusting but at least we get Iroh & Zuko sneaking around behind his back out of it? Also, I loved the glimpse of music night among Zuko's crew, & hearing Iroh sing. I gotta say though, they let the audience believe Zuko was dead for far too long. I wish I had never gotten any spoilers the first time I watched this show because I would have been freaking out!

Also, @theowritesfiction pointed out that there's a lot of vagueness surrounding how much of Zhao's intentions Ozai is aware of. I have to say, I think Iroh's line about how Ozai will be upset when he learns who's behind the assassination attempt & Zhao's momentary nervousness shows that Zhao knows Ozai wouldn't like Zhao murdering the prince, even if Ozai isn't Zuko's personal biggest fan. I do think - & this is fully speculative - Ozai probably knew about Zhao's plans to commandeer Zuko's crew. The reason I think this is that Ozai chose to promote Zhao to Admiral, & clearly has little to no faith in Zuko's abilities - he put Zhao in charge of hunting the Avatar as soon as he realized there was a real chance of cap

Yue tearing up as Pakku is talking about arranged marriages is just heartbreaking.

I don't normally become super attached to couples where the whole deal is pretty much "we can't be together" because they tend to rely on that drama rather than real chemistry between the characters (or maybe I just think I hate this trope because I'm not a fan of David Boreanaz's acting abilities) but Sokka & Yue have undeniable chemistry & they're just so cute. So, it hurts knowing what's coming.

The absolute BEST part of this episode for me though was Katara fighting Pakku & specifically the line "you can't knock me down!" Have I mentioned lately how much I fucking love Katara? Anyway. That is all for now.

Also, two more sidenotes about water-bending in this episode: 1. The infrastructure of the North Pole is absolutely stunning, & it's amazing to see the way they use ice-bending in a way that's almost similar to earth-bending. 2. I think this is the first time we see two water-benders fight, & it's definitely an exciting fight scene.

[stars-of-kyber]

Hi! Caught up with YBWM (amazing btw) and I just want to say that it warms my heart that in this universe anthony doesn’t go through the death of his father alone that he has kate with him to support and help him. Even if it was still very sad at least they have each other❤️ I really loved how kate stepped up immediately to take care of all the bridgertons and how everyone in the house already goes to her with everything and I can’t wait to see more of that especially since it will probably take violet quite some time before being able to properly care for her kids :(

Also I have a theory and I might be wrong but since they don’t sacrifice or push away love I think they will probably sacrifice them having kids for a while because they will put raising the bridgerton kids first and probably want to wait until all the girls seasons (so like their age in show). Anyways I can’t wait I really love this one😊 Quick question: kate is 16 right? that’s why they can’t get married? (sorry for the long message and english is not my first language hope you understand everything!!)

Thank you for your message. I'm so happy you liked it <3 Your English is great, no problem understanding at all (it's not my first language either).

I think one of the harsher things for Anthony in the book/show is that he needs to grow up very fast and the moment his dad drops dead, he needs to step up and he ends up doing that completely alone. His siblings are his responsibility and 6/7 of them are kids! Apart from Benedict who's 16, if I'm not mistaken Colin is 12?

And the one person who's supposed to be the one to help him and share the burden of it with him is his mother. And Violet is not only unavailable, her inability to help also throws MORE responsibility into Anthony. The scenes in the show with Hyacinth's birth and the conversation they have a bit after she is born are absolutely heartbreaking.

I think having someone to stand by him and help him in a moment where he is completely alone and GRIEVING! Bc Violet lost her love, Billie and Georgie lost their brother, his siblings lost their father but HE LOST HIS FATHER TOO! I think that it helps him a lot. The same way Kate having Anthony will help when she loses her own father.

They will sacrifice having kids for a while, but not really because of their siblings, especially because after some time Violet is back to her feet and manages to be there for them.

Kate's sixteen, going on seventeen by the time Edmund dies. It's not that they can't get married. According to some research I've done, at the time the minimum age of consent for marriage was 12 for girls and 14 for boys? It would not be legally impossible for them to marry.

But by the time Edmund dies, their family have to go into the specified mourning period, his family is a mess, his mom is locked in a room and he's still trying to learn his duties as a Viscount, it would not be nice to have a wedding in the middle of it all.

They will put off having children for the same reason they put off getting married in the first place (even if they kind of change their minds in the marriage part lol). Anthony will spend 9 or 10 months away from home a year, and Kate does not want to be responsible for the house + his siblings + be pregnant/have a baby while he is away. It's reasonable. We'll see this conversation playing out in chapter 7 (To Whom The Bells Toll) hehe

After Anthony is done with Oxfor and can stay home year round... well, that's a very different case, indeed. We'll see how this will play out, probably in chapter 9 (Blow us all Away) if I stop splitting chapters into two lol

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓸𝓸, 𝓲𝓯 𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾

character(s): izuku midoriya x gn!reader (x katsuki bakugou) 

a/n: gosh i love angst (quick note!! i edit to the best of my ability, however it’s easy to miss things, and i type 100 words per minute, so im sorry if i miss some things!) this ain’t a poly relationship btw, i don’t feel like i could write that well (no shame to people who do!! personally i feel like i would butcher it) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

based off the song: it’s my party by lesley gore

summary: y/n realizes going to katsuki bakugou’s wedding was a mistake

genre: angst all the way shawties 

warnings: light cursing, heartbreak, alcohol, one-sided pining (reader), aged up/pro-hero au, sad reminiscing bc ahaha bakugou made us sad :’) and a crap load of references to the song, friend zoning (eesh) 

word count: 2,566

ik yall are waiting for a part 2 of brutal and part 3 of you’re not my boyfriend but this idea just struck i had to get it down pls 

- - - 

“let’s raise a toast to our finest lovebirds, my best friend and his wife, katsuki bakugou and ochaco uraraka!” kirishima took a sip of champagne. 

you lifted your beverage in unison with the others seated at your table but did not drink. you blinked down at the fizzing beverage. 

“we wish you all the best,” kirishima said. “you and your best buds have no doubt you two’ll be known as some of the most indestructible symbols of peace.” 

another wave of applause passed among the crowd. the last toast was finished and the music resumed. your entire table left you sitting. it wasn’t like you knew anyone here, anyways. nobody except for the few classmates bakugou was still in touch with. 

those people consisted of izuku midoriya, who was sitting at the table across from you, as well as across the dance floor. 

the lights twinkled up again, red, blue, and green flashing along the floor. 

you couldn’t deny it. bakugou in a red suit, uraraka in a wedding dress fell just above her knees, a red bow tied around her waist. you did not doubt that if you were to be sold as a healthy person on the black market, that dress would still be worth more than you. 

the only comfort you had was midoriya, who had greeted you when you came in, but the two of you had exchanged no further words. but he looked equally as miserable as you. 

uraraka and bakugou were perfect together. they looked happy. and you were happy to see bakugou happy. happy to see uraraka happy with him. 

bakugou dipped his newlywed wife to the beat of the music. her back arched perfectly into his large hands. 

what hurts the most was that, while you wished it was you instead of her on that dance floor, you knew it wouldn’t work out. 

not that you and bakugou wouldn’t have worked out. the two of you were a perfect couple! 

what hurts the most was that it was a wish, and in every near universe, you still didn’t have that ring. 

uravity and dynamight simply looked...happier. 

- 

you stormed out, shaking. why was your katsuki kissing her? holding her when it should have been you? 

deep down, you knew you had no right. you and bakugou were barely a couple. throughout his years at yuuei, he’d calmed down immensely. so much that he could strike up a conversation with nearly everyone. as it turns out, introverted katsuki bakugou was a shameless flirt. 

the two of you exchanged flitting glances from time to time, but it was never anything serious. at least to him, it wasn’t. 

you knew he’d never taken the flirting seriously, and you also knew about his aching feelings for uraraka. how he covered his mouth whenever she walked by. how his voice raised just a bit, and how soft his eyes got. 

you shouldn’t have been surprised. he never even hinted that he might have had romantic feelings for you. 

the entire room erupted with applause as he kissed her. the katsuki bakugou, kissing someone? pfft, only in dreams. 

for some, the dream would be good. like uraraka, who had shamelessly kissed him back. 

for you, it was a complete nightmare. 

the blaring music, the lights, the balloons, the ‘happy graduation class of 1-A!’ 

you drowned it all out. you curled your knees to your chest. you had no right to be hurt. not at all. they were his emotions. you had no control over them. 

loneliness clouded over you. your chest screamed with longing. a longing to be held. be wanted by him. 

you were alone. nobody was coming to comfort you. nobody was- 

the door opened, clicking shut just as quickly. someone sniffled. 

your eyes flicked up from your knees. 

“y/n? i...i’m sorry, i had no idea anyone was out here...i can leave...”

“it’s alright, izuku.” 

- 

izuku took a swig from a bottle containing something much heavier than champagne. 

that same tug in your chest came about. you were tired of seeing the billboards, the magazines. tired of seeing the unquestionably perfect relationship, perfect love bloom right before you. 

dynamight and uravity this! dynamight and uravity that! 

the music was loud enough, the lights were busy enough, and the people were ignorant enough to neglect your crying figure. 

this was supposed to be my party. he loved me first. 

- 

“you okay?” you asked, swiping your nose. 

izuku looked back at the graduation party. “no, y/n. i’m not.” 

“then we’re both absolute shit.” you let him help you up. “why’re you crying?” 

“just...just uraraka.” 

“for me it’s just bakugou.” 

just as bakugou had calmed down during his years at yuuei, izuku had earned a sense of sarcasm. “are they just oblivious or stupid?” 

“goodness, izuku,” you joked, pressing a hand to your shuddering chest. “calling uraraka stupid?” 

he gave you a sad side-smile. you listened in silence as the upbeat music played on. 

“i guess we’re the stupid ones.” he sighed, chest heaving a little. 

“i guess,” you agreed. he pulled you into a hug, and you let the tears flow. your sobs corrupted your chest as you curled into his arms. “why? why did it have to be her?” 

“not all heroes end up happy, y/n.” 

you looked up at him, eyes puffy, sniffling. “why can’t we be part of that small portion of heroes who are?” 

izuku looked up, trying to neglect the water pooling in his own eyes. “i guess...well, not to be a narcissist—” he let out a breathy chuckle, “―but if you noticed, all the greatest heroes die with some kind of regret.” 

“maybe i don’t want to be a good hero.” you ignored his efforts to lighten the mood. 

“heroes don’t always get to choose whether they’ll be good or not. some things just happen.”

“i’m sorry, izuku.” you swiped at your eyes. “you’re hurt just as badly as me. i don’t want to make it—” 

“hey.” izuku gently pried your hands away from your face, fingers ghosting over your wrists. his emerald eyes gleamed as they stared into yours. “don’t invalidate your feelings just because of me. we’re both hurting, but that doesn’t mean i won’t listen to you.” 

your sobs came back again, and you fell into his chest. 

- 

bakugou spun uraraka, laughing gently as she twirled in his arms. his eyes lit up whenever he saw her. they twinkled. he sparkled. his smile was dazzling. and he was everything you never had. 

you were a heartbroken mess, even after all these years. there was a list of all the reasons you were mad at him, and yourself. 

your sobs were almost uncontrollable, and at this point, you were shocked nobody came to check on you. not that you cared very much. even if you were making a small effort to hide your face, it still would have been nice to feel a touch on your shoulder, someone perhaps shaking you gently to make sure you were awake. 

not that you’d tell them what was wrong. you just wanted to know somebody cared, and to have the option to talk to somebody if you needed to do so. 

but here you were. cheesy, upbeat fifties music echoed along the walls of the room. bakugou had secretly adored artists from back then, and you’d often catch him dancing and singing along to long-forgotten oldies. 

if you weren’t his best friend, you would have blown off coming here and binge-watched ‘my best friend’s wedding’ and sobbed. 

your head was down, forehead leaning on the backs of your forearms stacked upon each other. tears were streaming down, your shoulders shuddering with each weak breath sucked in and released. 

until bakugou chose you, you had no reason to smile. at least not now. by no means were you desperate. love sometimes did that to people. made them look needy, look unwanted. 

you’ve had plenty of options in the past, but the one person who you wanted didn’t want you back. didn’t even care. 

since the graduation party, uraraka and you had been a bit tense. a part of her felt like she knew how you felt, and how bakugou mattered to you more than anyone in the world. 

after the first year, she began abandoning izuku and ignoring his emotions towards her. after she and bakugou found each other, they had already known they would settle with one another. 

you and izuku had never been close, but you were both good friends and were there when you needed one another. 

he had walked you through your pain of senior year, and you’d helped him reach a lot of his goals, too. but bakugou just didn’t seem to care anymore. not even about becoming the number one hero. he looked at uraraka like she was his goal, his new dream, the reason he was happy. he looked at her and saw that he had the world in his hands and wanted to keep it that way. 

you? you were pluto. exiled from the rest of the planets. exiled from the rest of his options, when you used to be his first. 

- 

“y/n?”

you and izuku backed away from each other. you’d both been crying for quite a bit. how long it had been, you were both unsure. 

uraraka now stood at the door. you peeked into the window, leaning back a bit and catching glances of the blonde, who was currently being clapped on the back by his friends, congratulated for ‘getting the girl’. 

“are you guys okay?’ uraraka asked. 

“would you cry, uraraka?” 

she tilted her head. “what?” 

you pushed yourself off of izuku. “do you think you’d cry if you saw me kissing him, too?” 

“what’re you―” 

“you would cry, too! you would be sobbing!” you stabbed an accusatory finger at her. “you were my friend! you knew how i felt, and you’re kissing him?” 

uraraka’s eyes widened. “i...i’m sorry. it all just happened, and i—”

“shut the hell up, uraraka. you ruined this party. for me and izuku.” 

perhaps you went a bit far, but in your heart and your mind, you knew she deserved it. she knew. uraraka had known. 

izuku gave uraraka a sympathetic look before pressing a hand to your back and leading you away. 

- 

it still came as a bit of a shock that uraraka had let bakugou invite you to their wedding. gosh. little, domestic bakugou, sealing invitations and batting his eyes at his oh-so-sweet wife so he could invite his best friend. 

little domestic uraraka sweetly kissing her fiance on the cheek and pouting as she said, “how can i say no?” 

it was disgusting, and everything you wanted to have with him. 

you allowed yourself to be selfish this one time. after all, you deserved it. you’d endured hours of bakugou blabbering on about how sweet uraraka was. everything you weren’t. 

you took the bottle to champagne. your ankles were aching as you stumbled out of the room. your vision blurred, becoming foggy with tears. not one person stopped you. you guessed because nobody noticed. 

like graduation night, you slumped down right outside the doors to the party, the music, lights, and laughter muffled. the only difference was that you had a bottle of champagne and the man of your dreams was gone. for good, this time. 

-

“i wish she noticed me. it was like, after first year, the uraraka i knew just vanished.” 

you nodded. you and midoriya were wandering the streets, cool air brushing down your neck and on your face as cars passed. 

“uraraka was so sweet, but she lost feelings so fast and...ugh.” midoriya ran a hand through his hair, ruffling his curls. “i’m still a bit...baffled. i know people change, but she and kacchan both switched up so fast.” 

“i don’t want to say they’re jackasses, but they’re kind of jackasses.” 

izuku rubbed your shoulder as you leaned on him while the two of you walked. “don’t say that.” 

“sorry,” you breathed. 

“no more being sorry. being sorry all the time leads to shit like this.” 

you chuckled. “yeah, it does.” you sniffed. “did i take you away from the party? you can go back if you want.” 

he shrugged. “’s all right. i don’t mind.” 

“do you want to be here or would you rather be in there?”

“out here with you. i can’t be there right now.” 

“me too.” 

- 

“let me guess.” 

you looked up and scoffed softly. 

“this was supposed to be your party?” 

you nodded. “my party, my groom. i’m not supposed to be crying at my party, am i?” 

your friend shook his head. “not at all. cheer up, y/n.” 

izuku slid down the wall, sitting beside you. he rested his arms on his knees, twisting open his own bottle of champagne. “you look like a mess.”

“and you look like you need anger management.” you smiled. 

he grinned back. “do i now?” 

“yeah, you do. you should have seen yourself sitting there. all alone, the one person drinking something that wasn’t the fifty-thousand yen drinks.” 

“54,795.75 yen, to be exact.” 

you raised an eyebrow. “you’re insane. you kidding me? why do you know that?” 

“i was the weird kid who took notes on everyone in the class. of course i would know this. i’m offended you think i wouldn’t.” 

you tilted your head back in laughter. “gosh, izuku.” 

“mhm.” 

there was a pause. comfortable silence filled the space, broken by you sigh after gulping down your drink. “so they’re gone?” 

“i’d rather not dwell on it.” 

“how old are we now?” 

izuku gave a breathy chuckle. “twenty-five.” 

you smiled. “really, now? and i thought i would be married by now.” 

“me too. ‘s a shame.” 

“how about, if we’re both still not married by the time we’re forty, we get married to each other, adopt three children and we become hot parents.” 

“three?” 

“yeah, we can have a mini hero agency.” 

“that’s horrifying. but i agree. having a mini hero agency would be pretty amazing.” 

“i’m glad you agree with me, izuku.” you brushed a curl from his eyes. 

“can’t wait until i’m forty,” he smirked. 

“me neither.” 

“maybe by then we would have forgotten all of this?” 

“we’ll be fighting a villain, and we get our memories erased, and then we fall in love because we wake up beside each other in the hospital. we’re both equally confused.” you peppered him with jokes. “it’s a journey we will go on together.” 

“can’t wait until my memory gets erased.” 

“do you wanna get out of here?”

izuku shook his head. “it’s their wedding. we can’t. we shouldn’t.” 

you gave him a silly look. 

“you’re always such trouble, y/n.” 

“if you hate it, then wipe that stupid grin off your face.” 

izuku’s features softened. “maybe i like it. but only sometimes.” he took your head and lead you out, leaving his drink behind while you took yours. 

a single tear rolled down your cheek. he didn’t erase all your pain, nor your feelings for bakugou. it wasn’t what you needed, no. 

you just needed a friend. a real one. one that wouldn’t steal your dream from you. and that’s what you knew you had right now. 

besides, things could happen in the future, right? 

you smiled, and let the cold air touch your skin. 

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

July 2nd - Daniel Ricciardo

Based on New Year's Day by Taylor Swift and this request by @spikejonzed

Fluffly, mentions of sex, banter, nothing graphic.

BTW, I don't know how I've never paid attention to this song, it's so so beautiful and honest. I've thought about this concept before though: the "Sunday afternoon effect", when all the excitement of the weekend wears off and you're just hanging out with your friends, laughing about silly stuff, or cleaning up the house after the party. The thing is, the friends that stay till then are the ones you wanna hold on to, and the same goes for lovers. I feel kind of bad... well not BAD but you know, must be hard... when you're famous and rich, to recognize the good ones from the beginning before you give yourself too much away and it's too late.

To be honest with you guys, I think Daniel must feel a bit lonely sometimes. We all do, but to think that people are only interested in you for your fame and money must be tough... something you worked so hard, that you keep dedicating your life to, to think that that thing is the reason for your heartbreak, to your loneliness... It's a two-edged sword, isn't it? Anyway, I wrote this little something with Daniel in mind, hope you guys like it. Hope he finds someone to be like this someday. Hell, hope I find someone to be like this someday. I think everyone deserves that.

Daniel woke up in his bed, no shoes, but jeans and party shirt still on. The light coming through the windows, shining directly on his face, threatening to make his headache even worse. He let out a groan and turned to the side. There's someone on his bed with him. Shit. He just remembered. Last night was the first time he was introducing (y/n) to his friends. His birthday "small get together" (or at least that's what it was supposed to be) was the perfect opportunity for testing the waters and giving the "next step" without making too much fuss about it, after all, they've only been going out for a couple months and with his tight schedule it meant a lot of facetime calls and weekends, but almost no weekdays and routine stuff.

Yet, he was absolutely smitten with her, she was fun and easygoing, passionate about her own work and friends, but still caring and interested in him. They had amazing chemistry, mind-blowing even. But Daniel had lived enough to know that hanging out with someone on the weekends and knowing their best side was one thing, living through daily and mundane stuff was a completely different thing. Where this could go was still a mystery to him and he didn't want to raise too many expectations before he was sure. Still, she looked so beautiful sleeping, a true vision. He tried to remember if something had happened last night, but judging by his clothes still on, and hers as well, he guessed not. As if on cue, she smiled, with her eyes still closed.

"Stop being creepy" she said smiling. "I can feel you watching me sleep"

"You're not even asleep anymore" he smiled and she opened her eyes. He was taken back by her eyes staring directly into his.

"Still creepy though" she laughed, getting closer to him. He held her and they stayed like that for a while.

"Are you ok?" he asked her.

"What do you mean?

"Aren't you hungover, or sick?" he asked again and she laughed.

"Not at all. I have this really weird superpower, you know, I don't get hungover. Ever, actually" she laughed.

"I don't believe you. I have the headache"

"No, it's true. We did drink a lot yesterday, though" she commented.

"Yeah, well, welcome to having Australian friends. No such thing as light drinking with those guys" he laughed but grimaced at the pain in his brain.

"I'll get you something"

"Huh?"

"For the pain" she explained getting up from the bed.

After a while she returned with a pill and a glass of water, passing them to him.

"Thank you, baby" he took the glass, finishing it. "Come back to bed now"

"Your house... like, I'm not even sure if I should tell you to take a look or just pack your essentials and abandon it" she smiled.

"Uhh" he groaned. "I'll call someone later"

"Like a constructor with a wrecking ball?" she laughed.

"It can't be that bad"

"It's bad" she started. "But we can manage it" He looked at her intrigued. "After a shower" she pulled his hand. "Join me?"

"If I ever say no to that question, just put me in an asylum" he said. "I need a kiss though, as motivation" he smirked.

"Noo... I have morning breath"

"What? Me too" he said pulling her down and kissing her anyway. "Uh, no. You're right. Yours is worst" he said laughing while getting up and walking into the bathroom.

"Asshole!" she laughed following him.

They stripped and got into the shower, taking turns in letting the water run through their bodies.

"Come here" Daniel said, putting some body wash in his hands and spreading them over (y/n) body.

"Hum... this feels nice" she said.

"You're so beautiful" he said kissing her shoulder.

"You're so wasted" she laughed lightly.

"Hey! I'm sober. I'm just too tired. Give me a couple hours to recover, and I'll claim my birthday privileges"

"Birthday privileges? It's not even your birthday anymore" she laughed.

"Okay, but first, it's the weekend of, and second, I didn't get any time alone with you yesterday"

"Fair. And what will be your requests, may I ask?" she asked teasingly.

"Humm... you're so creative" he said kissing her. "I'm sure we'll think of something"

They finished the shower after a while, enjoying each other's company and the comfortable silence.

"Did anyone crashed here?" (y/n) asked when they were stepping out of the shower.

"I have no idea" Daniel answered. "I just remembered going to take a nap and waking up this morning. Shit, we didn't... did we?" (y/n) laughed out loud at that.

"Wow! Really, Dan?"

"We did not. I would've remembered"

"Good save. Such a gentleman" she laughed.

"I drank way too much. Sorry. Don't be mad"

"It's fine. I'm messing with you, I don't remember anything either. To be honest, I don't even remember joining you on your 'nap'" she said making air quotes.

"We're the worst hosts" he said getting out of the bathroom and going into the closet to get some clothes.

(y/n)'s heart swelled at the thought of hosting a party with Daniel. There was something so intimate about that statement, so homey.

"You want a shirt?" Daniel asked from the other room, waking her up from her daydream.

"Yeah, sure" she took the shirt, some underwear, and some sweats. Then brushed her wet hair and looked in the mirror. Not a trace of makeup left. She sighed thinking about how falling into a routine with Daniel meant letting the barriers down.

"Alright, snap out of it" she said to herself, getting out of the bathroom and walking outside, to the living room where Daniel was standing rubbing his neck and looking around.

"This is bad" he said when he saw her joining him. There were empty beer bottles and cups all around the living room and balcony, pizza boxes (with half-eaten slices left behind) in the coffee table, party decorations hanging from the ceiling, and the kitchen was even worse, with liquid spilled on the ground and bottles everywhere. There was glitter all over the floor and the couch - someone had brought some of those party poppers, which looked so much fun yesterday, but no so much now. But the best part was the polaroids, left all over the house with the craziest poses.

"Pack your stuff, we're deserting this goddam hellhole" he said and she knew he was joking, he said that about everywhere, but she still shook her head and rolled her eyes, picking a polaroid photo from the ground.

"Everyone had so much fun" she showed it to him. "I loved meeting your friends"

He took the photo from her hand, it was one where (y/n) was sitting on the couch with two of his buddies from Australia, making funny faces while holding cups. He remembered the moment because he was the one who took the photo.

"How's the headache?" she asked him.

"Almost gone"

"Good. So you don't have an excuse. Move your ass, where are the trash bags?" she laughed going into the kitchen.

"Hey! That was very sneak of you" he laughed but followed her anyway.

They spent the next hour collecting bottles, vacuuming glitter, and just cleaning the whole house. Daniel complained the whole time, but in truth, he was very glad to have her there. Sure, he could just ignore the whole mess and hire someone on Monday to clean everything (he probably would still do that anyway, for the heavy cleaning like bathrooms), but it was really nice of her to just stick around, seeming unbothered by the housework. When she finished tying the last trash bag and putting it on the entry hallway she flopped on the couch besides Daniel, who had called it a day some good 10 minutes ago.

"Done?" he asked her.

"I feel like punching you for asking me that" she answered playing annoyed. He lifted his hand in defense.

"What? I did my part!"

"Men" she shook her head. "I'm surprised you haven't complained about being hungry yet"

"Well, I'm starving! Was just waiting to suggest going out, or ordering in"

"Ordering in, please. I don't want to get off this couch any time soon"

Daniel got his phone out to order some food. It was almost noon, so he thought about something like pasta, some carbs would be nice right now. Then he felt (y/n)'s head drop on his shoulder, her hand caressing his arm. It was such a sweet gesture, so understated, he just stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

"What?" she looked at him.

"I'm really glad you're here. Thank you"

"It's nothing" she smiled.

"I don't mean the cleaning. Well, that too. But just, thank you for being you and wanting to hang out with me, you know, after the party"

"I'll always wanna hang out with you, partying or cleaning bottles" she said and leaned in to kiss him. "Happy birthday old man" this made him smile through the kiss.

"Thank you, young lady" he said still smiling. "Let's feed you now, yeah?"

"Please! Let's get some carbs on this house!" she smile.

"Hey, guys!" (y/n) and Daniel looked up to see Luke, one of Daniel's buddies walking out of the guest bedroom.

"Dude! I didn't know you were here" Daniel laughed.

"Yeah, just woke up. Definitely wasn't hiding in the bedroom waiting for the cleaning end to get out" he grinned making (y/n) and Daniel laugh.

"You know what? Just for that, you're going downstairs to pick up the food when it gets here, and taking out the trash!" (y/n) teased him, tossing a pillow from the couch at him.

Daniel just observed while his friend and his girlfriend joked and laughed. He thought about how right now he was enjoying a feeling of contempt that wasn't really natural or much appreciated by professional athletes, but this time felt right to indulge in it. He felt safe like someone's got him, finally. He took (y/n) hand on his and squeezed it three times, he knew this was already a good thing, something to last. She looked at him, she knew exactly what he meant.

[seijorhi]

A Thousand Words

as promised, a Valentine’s Day fic 💕 

Oikawa Tooru x female reader, Iwaizumi Hajime x female reader

TW implied dub/non-con, cheating, minor choking/abuse, nsfw(ish)

You break up with Iwaizumi two weeks before Valentine’s Day, standing in the doorway of the apartment you share with him.

And you hate that it still hurts, still tugs at the wretched, broken strings of your heart to watch that rare, beautiful smile of his fracture like glass, confusion giving way to disbelief and then finally anguish.

Iwa’s never been the best with his words, but it seems that you’ve robbed him of those too as you tell him that your relationship’s over. He just stands there, wide eyed, agonised as you shove your phone – the proof – into his face, a hoarse, strangled whisper of ‘why’ leaves his lips. 

It seems that it’s all that he’s capable of.

There’s nothing for him to say anyway. You don’t want his apologies or his excuses. The pictures are evidence enough. 

A boys weekend, he’d told you, and you’d trusted him. You loved him. He wasn’t like your ex, Iwa would never deliberately do anything to hurt you. 

He knew what fidelity meant to you.

You’d thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with him, but those pictures are enough to show you what a fool’s dream that was. Iwa, naked in bed, wrapped around some other woman.

Sleeping so peacefully, curled up by her side, like he’d done with you a thousand times.

And it doesn’t matter whether he was drunk or not. It doesn’t matter if he knew her or paid for her or found her at some fancy fucking bar downtown. He cheated on you, he broke your heart and he doesn’t get to watch you fall apart in front of him.

You save your tears until the door swings shut, collapsing onto the floor with a heartbroken wail as the man you love walks away.

—

Iwaizumi doesn’t remember much of that night. He’s never been a lightweight, but the drinks they were knocking back would’ve been enough to take out the best of them. And Iwa didn’t have to worry, not when he was out with friends. 

God knows they’d gotten him into so much shit when they were younger and stupider, but between the four of them they’ll stop each other from doing anything too damaging. They have careers now (most of them, anyway) and reputations to protect. And Iwa had you.

Out of everything; his career, his reputation, his livelihood, you were the one thing Iwa wouldn’t risk fucking up.

The night itself is a hazy, incomprehensible blur, but he does remember the girl. Not her name or where she came from, but he remembers her. A pretty face with a sultry smile, wearing some short, tight, shimmering dress. He remembers her sitting on Oikawa’s lap, fingers carding through his hair, red lips kissing at his jaw.

And he remembers Oikawa lounging back in his seat, barely paying the poor girl an ounce of attention, even when her hand started to run teasingly up his thigh, those same sinful lips whispering into his ear.

How the girl managed to find her way from Oikawa’s lap to his hotel bedroom is beyond him, but the pictures don’t lie. It’s his arm wrapped around her waist, her skin littered with love bites and fingerprint shaped bruises.

It was her mouth he’d woken up to, trailing a slow, teasing path up along his chest. He’d shoved her aside, snapped and snarled until the pretty thing welled up with tears and all but fled, leaving him to fall back into the sheets full of self loathing and disgust, wondering how he could possibly have fucked up this badly.

And when he threw up later, hurling until there was nothing left in his stomach, he knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol he’d drunk.

Iwa hadn’t known that anybody knew, hadn’t thought that there was proof – not until you were shoving it in his face, your bottom lip trembling as you tried to keep your tears at bay. And what could he say? 

It was a mistake?

He was drunk?

Iwa doesn’t make excuses, you deserve more than that. You deserve more than him.

He should’ve fallen to his knees and begged – begged you through tears if he had to – for you to give him a second chance. But the words stuck in his throat, because the look of absolute, utter heartbreak on your face felt like a fist driving into his gut, and he wasn’t sure if he even deserved it.

You break up with him two weeks before Valentine’s Day, entirely unaware of the ring he’s been carrying around in his pocket for almost a month now, and Iwaizumi doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

So he does the only thing he can, and calls Oikawa.

—

Moving your things out of the apartment you’d spent the last year and a half sharing with your boyfriend – your ex-boyfriend – takes less time than you think. The life you’d started to build with him, packed up in nice neat little boxes in only a few hours.  

And you’re grateful that he’s not there. He’d messaged you to tell you that he wouldn’t be, the only contact you’d had with him since breaking up. 

It’s not the pictures on the nightstand, Iwa’s strong arms wrapped around you, a dopey little grin on his face that gets to you – it’s the World’s Best Boyfriend mug he’d bought you as a joke one day, the old hoodie of yours that was actually his, the one you’d worn half to death because it was warm and smelled like him. 

It’s hard enough to do this without him hovering over you, but stupidly you’d forgotten that while Iwa had promised not to be there, he wasn’t the only one with a key to your shared apartment.

The lock clicks and the door swings open just as you’re finishing up in the bedroom and for one single, split second, your heart jumps into your throat.

But the brunette that saunters in isn’t the one you’re still in love with, and you’re quick to brush away the tears on your face before he can see.

Before he can mock you for it.

Oikawa, ever the charmer, merely grins when he catches sight of you. 

“Did Iwa send you to supervise?” you say in lieu of a proper greeting, the words slightly more bitter than you intend – even for him. 

He isn’t bothered by it, his grin widening just a fraction as he turns and settles down on the bed, long legs stretched out, ankles casually crossed over. He looks entirely too comfortable there and it’s an effort not to bristle.

“Well hello to you too,” he says, his voice a teasing lilt. “Are you always this fun in the mornings?”

Your brows draw together in a frown, but just as you open your mouth to snap a retort, his palms come up in a gesture of mock surrender. “No, Iwa did not send me to supervise you. He doesn’t know I’m here, actually.”

“Then why are you here? To gloat?” you spit.

Oikawa’s eyes glitter, amusement tugging at his lips. You love Iwaizumi, and for his sake you’ve spent the past few years tolerating the constant, overbearing presence of his best and oldest friend. Oikawa, on the other hand has never made all that much of an effort to hide the fact that he doesn’t exactly approve of your relationship with his friend.

Oh, he’s never outwardly rude or hurtful. He doesn’t sit there and spew abuse at you, and as far as you know he hasn’t tried to sway Iwa into leaving you since the very early days of your relationship, but Oikawa doesn’t need to be overt to make his feelings clear.

He treats you like a one night stand that hasn’t quite gotten the hint that it’s time to fix your dress and move right along. 

You still haven’t forgotten the night you all went out to celebrate your boyfriend’s birthday, how he’d slid into Iwa’s empty seat the moment he’d slipped out to get another round of drinks and spoken so casually, as if it was nothing but a friendly conversation. Small talk. 

“You know it won’t last; you and Iwa.”

And you hadn’t said a word, not wanting to be baited into fighting – into ruining Iwa’s night. You hadn’t even scowled at him, just sat there, pretending that he didn’t exist as you waited for your boyfriend to come back to you. 

“You’re cute together, I’ll give you that much,” he’d mused, swallowing the last mouthful of his beer. He’d studied you from beneath long lashes for a moment; a sharp, lingering look entirely at odds with the easy, relaxed tone of his voice. “But you two aren’t a good match. You don’t belong with him.”

You never did figure out exactly what you’d done to make him dislike you so much, but you suppose it doesn’t matter now. 

Not when he’s finally proven himself to be right. 

“Please,” he says with a scoff, rolling those pretty eyes of his, “as if I’d be so immature. I’m just here to make sure you don’t steal the coffee machine – it’s so much better than the one I have at home.”

He spends the next half hour trailing you from room to room, looking entirely too delighted at your misery. It’s almost a relief when you slip into the bathroom just for a moment’s fucking peace, brushing angrily away at the tears that still haven’t left you.

You almost – almost – reach for your phone to message Iwa and tell him to call off his stupid, infuriating friend, except you’d left it lying on the kitchen bench.

—

His head hurts. An incessant pounding, throbbing ache that makes him want to hurl.

Rationally, he’d known that the cure for the monstrous hangover he’d given himself wasn’t going out for a run at five in the morning, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was either that or keep drinking, and considering it was the alcohol that had gotten him into this fucking mess in the first place…

“I need to fix this,” he groans, dropping his head into his hands, letting his fingers roughly run through the tangles of his hair. “I need to fucking fix this.”

He looks like shit, feels like shit, but he can’t bring himself to care, not even as a solid weight drops itself onto the couch beside him. 

“You need to give her space, Iwa,” Oikawa comments with a sigh, passing him a glass of water that he gratefully chugs. “Give her time to figure things out. She’s hurting, and you constantly harassing her won’t do you any favours in trying to win her back.”

He wants to see the truth in his friend’s wisdom. He knows he hurt you, he knows he fucked up, but–

You’d already moved your things out.

He’d known that, of course he had, but coming home to see every trace of you just gone was like a gut punch. He was gonna marry you, get down on one fucking knee in front of everybody and– and now you’re gone and he’s crashing in his best friend’s spare bedroom because the thought of going home without you there is too fucking painful for him to bare.

And he only has himself to blame for it. 

But you’re his future, the only one he really gives a damn about, and he’s not one to just give up and walk away. Iwa doesn’t care if it takes weeks or months, he doesn’t care if he has to spend the rest of his life making this up to you; he will. 

He can’t just let you go. 

Oikawa continues to try and talk sense beside him, but he’s barely paying attention, only offering a small grunt of acknowledgement when he feels the brunette’s eyes studying him. He knows that he’s only trying to help, but he can’t honestly remember the last time Oikawa bothered to introduce him to one of the girls hanging off his arm. He knew as well as his friend did that there wasn’t much point – they wouldn’t be sticking around for long. Fuck, he doesn’t think that Oikawa’s ever had a serious relationship in his life, so excuse him if he’s a little hesitant to take his advice as gospel.

And Oikawa doesn’t know you like Iwaizumi does. He doesn’t understand you, doesn’t see what Iwa does when he looks at you. You’re like… sunlight. There’s no other way he can describe it. It’s cheesy and stupidly sappy, he’d rather be shot than admit it out loud, but he’s never met another person so–so… radiant. You burn bright, and Iwaizumi can’t help but be drawn to you – your warmth and your softness and everything about you. You’re beautiful and caring and you’re home and he’s terrified that if he waits too long, somebody else is gonna see that and snatch you up for themselves and he won’t even be able to blame them for it.

He knows he fucked up, knows that you probably (rightfully) hate him, but he has to try. 

So he ignores the way that Oikawa huffs and rolls his eyes when he reaches for his phone, opening up your last conversation.

Please, can we talk? I know you don’t want anything to do with me right now but I’m begging you. Just ten minutes?

And his heart pounds against his ribcage so violently that he thinks he might be sick as he waits for it to send. Waits for the little ‘Read’ notification to pop up.

And waits.

And waits.

Error. Message failed to send.

He tries again, distinctly aware of the Oikawa’s watchful, curious gaze peering over his shoulder.

Error. Message failed to send.

There’s a sinking feeling in his gut and in his panic, he presses the call button, bringing the phone to his ear with a sick feeling in his stomach.

It doesn’t even ring, there’s just three beeps and the line disconnects.

You’ve blocked his number.

—

You second guess yourself with every step, but you don’t stop and you don’t turn around. 

The radio silence from your ex had been a little unexpected, but you’d been the one to tell him in no uncertain terms that the two of you were done.

You were the one to make a point of moving out, keeping the few messages you’d exchanged short and to the point. Were you expecting him to fight you on it? Blow up your phone with messages and voicemails begging you to come back? Maybe show up at your door demanding that you hear him out and give him another chance. 

Were you maybe just the tiniest bit disappointed that he hadn’t? 

It wasn’t remotely fair to expect that of him, you know that, but you couldn’t help the way your heart had leapt into your throat the moment his message had come through after days of nothing.

Can we talk face to face? I need to see you. 

Two sentences, that was it. And you’d spent the better part of an hour debating whether or not you should reply.

Because you love him still, despite it all. 

The last person you’d given a second chance to had used that chance to walk all over you. He’d broken your heart, your trust, and any semblance of self worth you’d had. Iwaizumi had been the one to build you back up afterwards. 

And now he’d done the same thing. Knowing what you’d gone through before, and it gutted you.

The date on the calendar hasn’t slipped your attention. It’s Valentine’s Day, and you’d spent all morning trying to forget that if things were different, you would have spent the day with Iwa. He’d been secretive about his plans, tight lipped for once in his life, and there’d been some part of you that had wondered, hoped even… but instead you’re sitting alone in a hotel room, feeling miserable for yourself. 

If you were stronger, maybe, and if today were any other day, you might have ignored the message, the way those two brief sentences made your pathetic heart ache, but–

But… perhaps you had been a little too hasty when you’d broken it off. Iwa hadn’t said a word to defend himself, but you hadn’t really given him the option, had you?

Agreeing to meet with him wasn’t agreeing to brush it all under the rug. It wasn’t a promise of forgiveness, or even really an olive branch. It just meant that you would go to hear him out, that’s all.

Just to hear him out.

Yet your stomach’s twisting into knots as you walk up the familiar steps, your heart beating out an unsteady rhythm. You love him, despite it all.

You love him, but that doesn’t stop your hand from trembling as you raise a fist to knock.

The smiling face that greets you when that door swings open, however, is not the one you’re expecting.

“Hey there, cutie. You’re early.”

Oikawa.

For one single, floundering heartbeat, confusion grips you. Why was he– was Iwaizumi not coming? Had you misunderstood the message, or… or had he changed his mind, backed down at the last second and sent his friend to hammer the final nail into the coffin of your failed relationship.

You didn’t think Iwaizumi would be the type, though. He’d never been cruel, he’d never been cowardly, either.

“I don’t… understand,” you breathe, wide eyes darting around as if you’re expecting your ex to suddenly pop up behind his shoulder and shove him aside with a growl, telling him to butt out of your relationship the way he had countless times before.

Yet Oikawa offers no explanation, that same stupid, infuriating grin widening as he steps back to let you in, and you, somewhat robotically, follow him inside. Your eyes flicker from his back to the apartment around you – it’s exactly how you left it last week, not a single thing out of place. 

“Iwa said–” but your voice falls silent as you realise that no, that’s not true. 

The door to your bedroom is ajar, soft, flickering light spilling out from the crack, but that’s not what catches your attention. It’s the rose petals on the floor, the dulcet music playing so quietly you’d missed it entirely. 

Your brow furrows, breath catching in your throat as you stare at the scene before you, utterly frozen. You don’t register Oikawa stepping closer, nor the dark hunger brewing in his eyes. None of this makes any sense, you don’t understand–

“Iwa’s not coming.” Long, delicate fingers grip your chin, tilting your face and before you can even draw breath his lips are pressing against yours. It only lasts a second, long enough for your lagging brain to register that Oikawa is kissing you, here, in the middle of the apartment you’d shared with his best friend.

Oikawa, who hates you. Who’s cupping your cheek, gazing at you with an expression so eager and wanting, so unnervingly wrong that it makes your heart clench in fear and your blood run cold.

His thumb brushes along the curve of your cheekbone,  “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

And then he’s grabbing at your hand, fingers entwining with yours as he tugs you towards the bedroom, and finally the shock wears off enough for reality to kick in.

“What the fu– Oikawa, get the hell off of me!” you snap, trying to wrench yourself free. But he’s stronger than he looks, and his grip merely tightens.

“Tooru,” he calls back, glancing over his shoulder with that impish, wicked little smirk. “I want you to moan it for me tonight. You can do that for me, right cutie?”

You’re not a violent person, you’ve never been the type to lash out with fists and blows, but something inside of you just snaps at his words, and before you can stop yourself, your open palm flies towards his face. 

Quick as lightning, Oikawa spins, catching at your wrist and slamming you up against the living room wall. A small burst of pain radiates through your skull from the impact, your breath forced from your lungs in a pathetic squeak as he boxes you in. There’s not a moment for you to catch your breath, though, not with his forearm pressing down on your throat just hard enough so that you can feel it. He’s always been taller than you, but you’d never considered him to be intimidating – not until he’s looming over you, teeth bared in that feral smirk.

“Oh, baby. If you’re not going to play nice, I won’t either.” His fingers tighten on your wrist, squeezing until a choked whimper slips out and he kisses you once more. Not soft or sweet, but bruising, teeth clacking, nipping and biting and harshly sucking at your bottom lip until you return it.

And when he pulls away, there’s blood on his lips – yours – and he licks it away with a satisfied little hum. “I put effort into this, you know,” he says, his tone almost conversational if not for the slight pant, the shivering undercurrent that laces every word. Oikawa leans closer, and you can feel the outline of his cock, hardening already as he presses it against you, rutting his hips ever so slightly. “Set the bedroom up nice and romantic for our first time together.”

He kisses you again, a sweet, tender peck, smiling when you part.

“But if you want me to fuck you here first, up against the wall, all you had to do was say so.”

—

The girl had been easy enough to convince to play along, which probably should have disgusted him. 

She looked like you; a cheap imitation, of course, but close enough. Oikawa could kid himself that it was for Iwaizumi’s sake, to sow the seeds of doubt in his head, but he knows as he forces her face down into the pillow, slamming his hips against her ass like a man possessed, that that’s not the whole truth.

But she served her purpose well enough, letting him fuck her, mark up that pristine skin with the same kind he’d seen littered across your neck and collarbones, your thighs–

And she’d still tried to kiss him the moment before slipping out of her robe and climbing into his best friend’s bed. Given him that playful wink, biting her bottom lip seductively as if she were anything but a means to an end for him. 

As if he hadn’t forgotten her name the moment he’d gotten those pictures.

Oikawa knows all about your ex and how that asshole treated you, out of all the possible scenarios he could have engineered, this would be the one that’d hurt you the most. He’d thought that you would fly off the handle, kick Iwa out for a few days and leave the door open just wide enough for him to weasel his way in, but you’d gone one step further. 

You’d left him.

Broken his heart completely, the way he’d broken yours. Oikawa couldn’t have planned it better himself, and oh what he would have killed to have been there to see it. 

And it’s not that he enjoys his best friend’s pain – truly, he wants Iwa to be happy, he does.

Just not with you. Not when you’re his.

It was easy enough to bully Iwa into revealing when you’d be coming over to pick up your things. Easy enough to rile you up to the point you’d run and hide just so he wouldn’t see you shed all those pretty tears.

Leaving your phone unattended. And really, it’s your own fault for choosing such an obvious passcode – how could he possibly resist?

You were none the wiser, his poor, unsuspecting little idiot. 

Yet for all your posturing and your badly concealed hurt, he’d known that you’d show up today. You’re a romantic at heart, and you’d let yourself be walked all over again if you thought it meant that somebody loved you, wouldn’t you?

You would’ve said yes when he’d gotten down on one knee, and when he’d come back to you with tears in his eyes, drowning in regret and you saw what a mess Iwaizumi was without you, you would have forgiven him – even if it meant giving him the power to break you all over again.

Oikawa honestly doesn’t know whether he should admire or pity you for it.

It hardly matters now, he supposes. Not when you’re so beautifully wrecked, lying nestled against his bare chest with those tears he adores spilling down your flushed cheeks. Every thump of your heart echoing his. 

He wonders if he should send Iwaizumi a picture. 

[gohyuck]

hometown (lee jeno) teaser

pairing: jeno lee x reader

genre: smut, angst

teaser word count: 1.5k

fic word count: 7k+ (it looks like it may end up being, like, 11-12k? i’m unsure)

teaser warnings: wet dream, one-sided emotional affair, jerking off into a shared bathroom sink, some discussion of math, general hatred of “the System”, mentions of depression

general plot warnings for the fic: infidelity: reader cheats on yuta and jeno cheats on his original character gf and neither of their partners find out so there isn’t even a nice little revenge scene at the end... it’s literally just them getting away with cheating, leftist thought points/philosophies discussed even if they aren’t outright stated as leftist, both implicit and explicit discussion of mental illnesses (mostly depression and suicidal ideation but like it isn’t explicit ideation and they don’t actually want to die they kind of just don’t want to exist), general disillusionment with the system, jeno and the reader are not very happy people and are actually full of a lot of hopelessness about society and the future of the planet as a whole, explicit mentions of American politics/legislation/etc. and implicit criticization of them, mentions of drugs (weed), the characters are so self-aware that it hurts me to write them because i feel bad for them and feel even worse for their significant others

A brief taste of hair in his mouth - he doesn’t like it, he decides then and there - before you pull yourself away from him, laughing softly at the way you’d accidentally shifted just as he’d leaned in to press a kiss against your forehead. You reach up to smooth the wrinkle between his eyebrows, a gesture more symbolic than anything, and he straightens his face out himself, trading the hair-in-mouth disgust in for the gentle smile he’d had just before being so rudely assaulted. It’s as you start to move your hand away from his face that the two of you meet eyes, and a corner of Jeno’s mouth turns up as he circles his hand around your wrist to stop it mid-air.

“Kiss?” He asks, one of his brows arched now. You can’t look at it too long, knowing that the urge to pluck away at his stray hairs will overcome you. Instead, you train your gaze on his cupid’s bow, thinner upper lip giving way to the kind of full lower lip you love to sink your teeth into. Jeno makes the prettiest noise when you do so.

“Mhm,” You respond, sounding noncommittal to the world but absolutely sure to the boy you’re straddling. He grins fully now, right before leaning up to capture your lips in his. The first touch is just a little clumsy, just slightly awkward, but after the initial meeting it’s only up from there. It’s easy, natural, the way you dissolve into each other, a mess of tongue and teeth as his hands grip the cloth across your back that much harder, as you grind the apex of your thighs down into his with that much more force. Time progresses at the speed of light. Time doesn’t progress at all.

It’s only a matter of seconds before Jeno cums in his pants, but it’s only a matter of seconds before you do, too. He knows it. It’s what happened when he’d actually lived through this, and it’s what happens now, over and over again, a moment preserved in time with a delicacy only minds can make. The stuff of dreams, literally.

Jeno wakes up right before it happens. It isn’t jarring only because he’s used to it. His fourth alarm of the morning is blaring, and he uses one hand to haphazardly wipe the sleep out of his eyes while extracting his other arm out from underneath his girlfriend in order to reach his phone. She’s sound asleep - she always is - and he envies her for a moment before turning the alarm off and, for good measure, turning his goddamn phone off too.

It’s a bit fucked, he realizes once he’s properly come to, for him to have a wet dream about you when Minhee is right there, still sleeping off the way he’d fucked her into the bed last night. He’s had this revelation twelve nights and days in a row now. For a split second he feels bad, feels as if he’s the worst person on Earth, but it’s easily overshadowed by the way his cock is straining in his boxers. This has happened for the past 12 days too.

Jeno’s always wanted to have a daily routine.

He slides out of bed, careful not to wake Minhee, before slipping the nearest shoes on - gold Nike slides, a birthday gift from Jaemin who’d insisted that Jeno wear colorful things even if it’s just in their dorm room - and making his way to the bathroom him and Jaemin share with Renjun and Donghyuck. They’re the best suitemates he could possibly have, but he’s even more glad in this moment: none of them will be awake ‘til noon. It’s a Saturday.

He can jerk off in peace.

Just in case, Jeno locks both the bathroom doors and double checks to make sure that they’re locked before he finally, finally slips a thumb under his waistband, forcing it down with almost gratuitous speed. He can’t help the soft grunt that bubbles up from the back of his throat as he wraps one hand around his dick. He braces the other against the mirror for balance, just in case.

Jeno swipes across the base of his tip with his thumb, his eyes sliding shut at the feeling. He moves his wrist up once, lets precum drool over his own fingers for a second before sliding his hand back down with purpose, slicking himself up to make the slide between his cock and his calloused palm easier. It isn’t Minhee’s face or body that sear themselves into the inside of his eyelids as he strokes himself, bottom lip folded in between his teeth. You’d love to bite it, tug on it. He imagines your face as you’d cum from grinding against him that one time.

He tightens his grip.

He’d never actually fucked you: you hadn’t wanted to lose your virginity to someone who was so starry-eyed, so untarnished by the ways of the world. You didn’t want to take the virginity of someone like that either. It felt wrong on every level somehow. You’d made sure to tell him so, never one to mince words, not even as a 16 year old. The breakup hadn’t come long after the singular time he had (in his pants, he remembers with a wince… always with a wince when he isn’t dreaming of it) and although it didn’t work out romantically between the two of you, you’d stayed friends for the rest of your high school careers. Even now, both in different parts of the country for college, the two of you keep up, more or less, with each other. It’s friendly in a way it wasn’t before.

You’d been having your manic pixie dream girl arc the year you’d dated him, Jeno supposes now. Cynical, hopeless, bitter at the world and hating everything and everyone. The world was and is awful, and you were too aware of it, or so you said. Jeno wants to laugh so badly at that old version of you, the one that had broken his heart, but he finds that he can’t anymore. A too-big part of him thinks you might’ve been right about everything.

You’d slept with YangYang Liu in senior year, had called Jeno afterwards to see if he’d go with you to get Plan B at 3 a.m. on a Friday. It’d been hardly a week after he’d cum embarrassingly early while sleeping with someone - a girl from his third period class - for the first time. He’d swallowed his suddenly resurfacing heartbreak to pick you up and drive you to the nearest CVS in the same car you’d made out with him so many times before. He’d swallowed his moans later that night as he lay in bed, fisting his cock tightly at the thought of gripping your thighs so hard they bruised, at sinking into you, at how warm, how wet, how tight - fuck!, he’d hissed to himself then, having bitten so hard into the hand he’d used to quiet himself that blood bloomed from broken skin.

Jeno had cum hard then, and he cums just as hard now, canine splitting the flesh of his lip as he muffles his long, drawn out groans. The metallic taste of blood is enough to push him further over the edge, and he practically hunches in on himself as spurts of opaque white liquid land in the bathroom sink. He’s satiated for now. He remembers all the work he has to do - midterms are upcoming - and his post-orgasm glory fades as soon as it’d come.

After an earth-shattering orgasm to properly wake him up, everything else feels twice as mundane as usual. Jeno’s quick to run hot water in the sink, making sure all evidence of his one-sided emotional affair is gone, before brushing his teeth and pissing. He’d shower, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to. Sometimes, he can’t bring himself to for two days, or three. Deodorant and Minhee’s perfume are his best friends now. Donghyuck, psych major that he is, calls it depression. Jeno, hellbent on never letting Hyuck be correct, calls it ‘finally experiencing ego death’.

He thinks Hyuck is right, though. He won’t say so.

Jeno’d come in as a mechanical engineering major, though he thinks he might switch to computer science. If he’s going to be a corporate shill - he’s realized, quite quickly, that there’s not much else to be - he may as well do it as efficiently as possible. He’d started college with the firm belief that the world is easy to change, and that he can help to do so. He’d dispelled this concept less than three weeks in.

He has midterms to study for, and corporate shill-dom to look forward to for it. Jeno should open the blinds - Jaemin isn’t here right now anyways, and Minhee’ll sleep through that, too - and sit down at his messy desk and get to work. He should study up on eigenvectors and eigenvalues - they’re easy, but they’re comfortable, and Jeno has started to like comfortable - or work through his solids textbook. He should, he should, he should.

Jeno doesn’t even pause between leaving the bathroom and climbing back into bed. Minhee shifts, and he presses a gentle kiss to her forehead before settling in beside her.

He has this moment, so he takes it. He doesn’t feel like he has many moments to himself anymore.

let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

[lightsovermonaco]

His Good Sweater: Chapter 9

Masterlist

As always thank you to my beautiful bestie @acollectionofficsandshit you can also thank her for all the Max content in this chapter. Its a long one, enjoy!

Word Count: 9.6k

Recommended song: “Hate the way” by G-Easy and blackbear

The one thing that never failed to lift your spirits was your dad's homemade blueberry chocolate chip pancakes. Whenever you were upset as a kid, whether it be your team losing a sporting event, your high-school boyfriend dumping you for the head cheerleader, or getting rejected from an ivy league college you never expected to get into in the first place, his pancakes had been there to cushion the fall. Clever as he was, he always messed them up in some insignificant way like leaving off the whipped cream and hiding the container so you were forced to talk to him in order to remedy it. Then he would crack some stupid joke or cheesy pun that would just barely have the ghost of a smile curling your lips.

Blueberry chocolate chip pancakes were no match for the heartbreak of losing your best friend.

The morning after, you only trudge to the kitchen when your stomach's demands to be fed become too loud to ignore. A steaming pile of fluffy pancakes sits at your usual spot, no syrup in sight. You don't have the energy to find your dad and ask where he's hidden it, instead picking at them. You knew the flavor should be fruity and sweet but every bite tastes like ash. One pancake is all you can manage before nausea roils, threatening to make your meager brunch resurface. 

"Some is better than none," Ben murmurs behind you and you drop your chin in the barest of nods. "We can save the rest and you can warm them up later."

"Thanks," you mumble when he takes your plate. You pull your blanket tight around your shoulders as your gaze turns to the window while your brother washes your dishes, wishing for all the world that you could make your uncooperative limbs move and help him but the mental effort it requires is too taxing. Instead you stay curled up on the chair, the noises of the house waking up around you a dull buzz in your ears. At some point your mother kisses your head and hustles out the door to work, her husband close behind. Ben is the last to leave and is reluctant to do so.

"Promise you'll text me if you need me," he says. "Mom already gave me permission to cut class after trigonometry."

"Sure." You both know it's a lie and a bad one at that. Your voice is dull and flat, completely void of emotion. 

"Mom said she's coming home early anyway,” he tries. “Something about overstaffing at the greenhouse."

"Okay."

The mechanical spooling of the garage door tells you he's finally gone. Your elbows slide forward until your head rests on the table, unable to hold it up any longer.

Every fiber of your being yearns for him, to hear the distinct r's and flowery lilt of his accent as he comforts you through the heartbreak, always knowing exactly what to say. It was second nature to call one another when either of you had had a bad day or a good day or just a normal day - you'd talked so often that last year you had convinced your parents to add international minutes to your phone plan. 

Your fingers itch to dial the number you had long since memorized, knowing it would ring no more than twice before he picked up. He never let it go to voicemail unless he absolutely couldn't avoid it and you had a hunch he was waiting for your call.

Despite knowing better, you scroll through the messages on your phone. Love was evident in each witty remark and wish goodnight, pulling at your heartstrings. Your finger hovers over the delete conversation button, and after a minute of debate, you can't bring yourself to do it. You would allow yourself one reprieve to look back on and remember the good.

It would be so much easier if he had given you a reason to hate him. If he'd cheated or intentionally led the media to your house, hating him would be easy. You wouldn't have to admit that you still loved him because his betrayal would have yanked out the newly blooming bud of love you nurtured and crushed the fragile petals. Instead, you were left knowing that it had been your choice to inflict damage in him. You had no right to seek comfort in his arms or even ask how he was doing. You deserved to be miserable for causing him to feel the same way. 

Yuki is the first to check in on you. You don’t know what he expects; you lie through your teeth when you tell him you were fine.

The press is asking me for my thoughts. No idea why. I told them not to stick their noses where they don't belong.

At least someone had the guts to stand up to those bloodsuckers. Yuki was the last person you'd suspect to do so, but the scrappy twenty-something continued to surprise you.

Thanks, you type back. How is he?

You hesitate. You didn't really want to know the answer. Pierre was devastated and just as broken as you are. You delete the last part and opt to refrain from subjecting yourself to biting off more than you could chew.

I'm here if you need me, is Yuki's reply.

Charles, Daniel, and his newly promoted girlfriend were the next ones to text you, all offering varying degrees of support. Daniel's friend was the one that offered to sucker punch anyone that came near you without your permission, and actually dragged a single huff of laughter from your aching lungs.

I'm good thanks. But if I need a bodyguard you'll be first on the list.

Just because Daniel can lift me with one arm doesn't mean I'm not punchy!

I believe you.

Spent, you set your phone down and retreat under the down comforter. The bright pink clashed with your earthy decor, but at least the old blanket didn't smell like Pierre. Your mother had taken it upon herself to erase all trace of him from your room when she had managed to coax you into a shower, and the half hour you had spent letting the scalding water run over your skin had given her plenty of time to do so. The absence of him hurts almost as much as the trace of cedar you know you're imagining when you breathe deep.

It has to be impossible for so much agony to be contained in your body. No matter how much you try, the tears won't stop flowing because Pierre's crushed expression had taken up residence at the forefront of your consciousness. 

It didn't help that so many of your recent memories were touched by his presence. Getting into university served to remind you of the ecstatic call you'd gotten after his race that Sunday, voice strained with a mix of excitement for you and the disappointment of his race ending crash on the opening lap. Even something as simple as staring at the saggy bean bag chair in the corner brought back the memory of the countless times he had lounged there, sprawled out like he owned it.

Max's text brings you briefly back to reality.

You doing okay? Dan told me what happened.

No, was all you say back. Within a minute, Max's face occupies your screen. You sigh but accept the call, laying the phone on the pillow.

"I don't feel like talking, Max."

"That bad huh?" He asks, concern lacing his usually chipper voice.

"Yeah. That bad." As if that summed up getting your heart torn to shreds.

He's uncharacteristically quiet for a beat. "Wanna hear about Vic's day? She had some crazy clients at her salon- it'll take your mind off it."

"I guess," you say, utterly nonplussed. You could care less if he kept talking or not, you wouldn't be paying attention. He prattles on for a few minutes, seemingly unaffected by your silence as his words pass through one ear and out the other.

"Told you it was crazy," he says finally, your cue to respond. You hum noncommittally and Max just sighs.

"Look, I don't know how I can help you unless you come here. I know you have a flight booked- do you still wanna come to the gala? My date's been stolen so I'm in need of one."

"Who stole your-"

The realization hits you before you can finish. Pierre. Pierre stole Max's sister and left him without a date. Something about his willingness to replace you so quickly rubs you the wrong way. It shouldn't have been so easy for him to find someone new; he should be hurting just as much as you. Fundamentally, you knew nothing would happen between Pierre and Victoria. She wouldn't go for him out of respect for both of you and you were thankful in the knowledge that it was completely platonic. Still, it was like rubbing salt in a wound. 

"You know what? I'll go." It was the most you'd said all day, your throat scratchy with disuse. Max whoops on the other line and you could almost see him punching the air in victory.

"Great! When's your flight get in? I'll bring the Acura and pick you up." 

You put him on speaker and login to the airlines website to punch in the flight number. Last night you'd debated canceling the flight that Pierre had paid for, determined to stay home and be miserable. Looking back you were glad you'd trusted your gut and left the reservation untouched. If he could find someone else to attend the gala with, so could you. "I land in Nice at noon on Friday. It'll be a short flight, I can text you when we take off."

"Sounds good. I'll set up the spare room for you. Victoria is staying here too, I'm sure she would love to help you get ready and do whatever it is girls do before fancy events."

"Hey, Max?"

"Whats up?"

You trace patterns through the condensation left by the glass on your nightstand. "Thank you. For understanding."

"That's what friends are for," he assures you. "Is there anything you wanna talk about now? Or are you planning to wait until you're here?"

"Ben's been keeping an eye on me. I'm okay for now." Better now that you had something to look forward to.

"All you have to do is call," he promises. "I'll listen, I don't have anything going on this week besides streaming."

You latch on to the small redirection and run with it. "You and the twitch quartet?"

"They've been kind enough to allow me to join them on the sim this week, yeah."

"I'll try to catch a race. No promises though." 

"See you Friday. Try to contain your excitement."

Your lips twitch upward. "Bye Max."

**********

The rest of the week was more of the same. You stayed home and your family dealt with the swarms of people that still gathered on the lawn each morning not so patiently waiting for you to tell your side of the story. You had decided that the best course of action was to keep your mouth shut and let them figure out for themselves that there was no longer a story to report thanks to the wedge they had driven in your relationship.

By the time Ben drives you to the airport Friday the buzz has died down. You hug your brother tight before checking in for the flight and texting Max. His response is immediate, letting you know he's excited to see you.

You wish you could return the sentiment. You wanted to see your friend, sure, but you were beginning to dread the upcoming gala. Max would be your crutch and you knew he was okay with that, but it still felt wrong. 

Unlike your brother, Max was waiting at the curb when you arrived in Nice. A nondescript cap was perched on his head, the oversized sunglasses he wore hiding his eyes from passersby. His gleaming orange peel of a car attracted more attention than he did for once, people stopping to ogle the Acura as they came and went.

"Hey you," Max greets, a broad grin causing his trademark dimple to appear as he wraps you in a rare hug. You cling to him, throat going tight at the intimacy of it. Max wasn't a physical person by any stretch; if he was hugging you this tightly it meant he knew how broken you were.

He waited for you to break contact first, giving you all the time you need. You sniff and wipe the single tear that had somehow escaped and laugh lightly.

"Hey," you say, voice scratchy. "Thanks for picking me up." 

He waves a hand, brushing it off. "Vic wanted to come but she changed her mind when I told her I was driving."

"Probably a smart choice," you observe, letting him pop the trunk- which was in the front of the car, since the Acura NSX was a mid-engined beast of a Japanese supercar- "and considering your choice of car, she wouldn't have fit anyway."

"This is true." He starts the engine, the roar of which makes a poor old woman a few yards away drop her purse.

The drive back is near silent, broken only by Max's occasional quips about a landmark or an observation about someone's driving. It was impossible for any driver to turn off the analytical part of their brain, their Formula 1 habits crossing into their daily lives. 

When Max parks at the curb outside his apartment, you move to open the door but he hits the lock button. You glance over your shoulder at him and quirk a brow.

"Am I your prisoner?"

"Are you gonna talk about what happened?"

Sighing, you sink back into the seat. The way the bolstering hugs your sides almost makes you believe you could fade into it if you try hard enough. "I wasn't really planning on it."

It had only been a handful of days since you had broken it off, the wound still leaking fresh blood when you poked at it. It refused to scab over or give you any kind of reprieve from the torture.

"You know you'll have to face him tomorrow at some point. He'll want to talk to you."

"That's why I'm going with you. You won't have a problem telling him to leave me alone."

Max sighs. "Yeah, I suppose. If that's what you think is best."

The trudge up the stairs and subsequent silent elevator ride allows your thoughts to wander to Victoria. It wasn't her fault that Pierre had asked her to come with him after you'd canceled, after all she was already planning on going and the late notice meant it was likely no one else could make it, but it didn't stop the pang of jealousy that rocketed through you each time you ruminate on it.

It didn't help when she wrapped you in a hug the moment she saw you and whispered an apology in your ear, like she knew she'd done something wrong. Tears spring to your eyes again and Victoria shoots Max a leave us alone look.

"Uh, I'm gonna hop on the sim. Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Thanks Max." Your eyes are pinned to a smudge of dirt on the wood floor, safely out of range of anything triggering. Keeping it together was more of a struggle than you'd expected.

"I hope you don't hate me," Victoria starts genuine concern lacing the words. "It was just easiest-"

"I know," you cut in. "And I don't." Your smile is tight, not quite hitting home as she returns it.

"Well then. Let's figure out how we're gonna do your hair tomorrow, shall we?"

**********

The dress was a single, simple piece of fabric, spun of sunset orange and free of any bells or whistles. The feather light chiffon hugged every supple curve through your hips until flaring out slightly at the bottom just enough to allow you range of motion. The deep vee of the neckline prominently displayed your cleavage, toeing the line between attention grabbing and scandal starting and leaving little to the imagination. The back dropped low, leaving the elegant curve of your spine free to be kissed by the salty Mediterranean breeze.

The dress is nothing special compared to the thousand dollar pieces that the other boy's dates would be wearing, but you didn't have the money- or the will- to find something new. It by no means broke the bank when you picked it up from the second hand store last year, but it looked the part. It had been a showstopper at the spring formal you'd originally worn it to and judging by Max's reaction, it still was.

He let out a low whistle when you stepped into the living room. "I'm sorry, did you pick that out with me in mind?" He laughs and despite yourself, heat rises to your cheeks. You hated being the center of attention, even among friends. "It's the perfect shade of orange to match my tie. I swear I didn't plan it that way!"

"I know you didn't." You give him a forced smile, praying he doesn't call you out on it. The dress you wore hadn't been your first choice. The one you originally planned to wear still sat in your closet at home collecting dust. It had been the perfect shade of blue to compliment Pierre's sky eyes, but it didn't match Max's deeper ocean blue. So at home it had stayed, and you had chosen the orange one because it made the necklace at your throat pop.

Your fingers engulf the stone before you can stop yourself, as they always do when your thoughts wander to him. Him, because you could scarcely think his name before your heart wretches at the reminder of what you'd lost. Flashes of bright smiles and soft kisses filter through your mind, making you lock up. You swear you can feel the ghost of plush lips to your throat and the scrape of callouses over the curve of your spine. Your eyes fall shut, desperate to get lost in the idea of him like you used to.

"You good?"

Max's quiet words startle you back into the present. No, you were in no way shape or form good, but you had no choice to fall back on the familiar mask of humor to cover up your inner turmoil.

"The real question is are you?" You smirk and look him over. The Red Bull navy suit strains over his broad shoulders, suggesting he had put on muscle since the last time he'd been forced into it. "You look stiff as a board in that tux."

"I feel so awkward." He straightens the suit coat and absentmindedly lifts a hand to tousle his hair. You grab his wrist just in time to keep him from ruining his sister's hard work and shoot him a chiding look. He grins sheepishly and lowers his hand.

"Vic would kill me if you got to the gala looking like you got run over." 

"That's a good point." He offers you his arm and you accept the lifeline he unwittingly offers you. "But I refuse to leave the windows up on this beautiful night, so we'll test how well it'll hold."

You quirk an eyebrow at him. "You're driving us there?"

"Well duh. I always drive when I'm at home."

You glance sidelong at the glaringly orange Acura parked at the curb a few floors below. Your dress would blend right in with the paint, but perhaps that was a good thing. It would provide that much more of a shock factor when you arrived and stepped out.

"Just don't crash out on the hairpin," you tease half heartedly. 

He rolls his eyes. "At least it's just the two of us so I don't have to call an uber. Vic's getting picked up by-'' Max cuts himself off and gives you an apologetic smile.

"You can say his name," you whisper, eyes trained on the tile of the hallway as you walk. "It's not like he's gone."

"Getting picked up by... Pierre," Max tries, carefully monitoring his neutral tone. God, you thought you could handle it but you can't, stumbling over your own feet with only Max's grip on your arm to catch you.

He'd dance with Vic tonight, and probably countless other women, his hands drifting over their bodies like they'd done on yours only days ago. You'd be forced to watch from the sidelines and make small talk that no one would remember come morning, utterly unable to do anything about it. At least Daniel’s girlfriend would be there to be the voice of reason, if you could peel her away from Daniel long enough to speak with her for any length of time.

Max was uncharacteristically quiet on the ride to the venue, leaving you to study the city as he drove. Few yachts were left in the harbor as the sun was swallowed by the sea, the owners undoubtedly set sail for a weekend getaway. Your gaze involuntarily searched for the slip that held Charles' Ferrari red speedboat that you'd visited countless times with Pierre. The eyesore was hard to miss when surrounded by its monotone brethren, memories flooding back in droves at the sight of it.

Sighing, you turn away to glimpse what you can of the city through the ridiculously tiny sliver of windshield. How anyone could confidently drive the Acura while having so little field of vision was beyond you. It was probably second nature to Max, who weaves through the narrow streets with practiced ease and barely lets off the gas through the corners. 

The city of Monaco rarely slept, and tonight was no different. Soft yellow fluorescent glow seeps from high rise balconies, the occupants soaking up the last dregs of sunlight before heading out to the casinos and clubs. People spilled out of cafes onto the sidewalks, their laughter lingering on the breeze as you speed past.

The list of people you trust enough to get in the car with and let them drive with such intensity is short: Max and Pierre. Not even Daniel made the final cut, not when his then not-girlfriend had recounted the tale of him losing the rear of his McLaren 570s at a track day and nearly sending them into the wall. According to her, he'd been too busy ogling her to keep his full attention on the road, but it was enough for you to question his judgement at times.

If you close your eyes, you could pretend it was someone else next to you, cutting through the gears like a hot knife through butter and coaxing every inch of performance out of the car that he could with the light traffic. You draw a surf-scented breath deep, lungs aching with the effort. 

Max joins the queue of cars waiting to park outside the venue, your attention trained on the guests stepping out of cars and climbing the wide set of marble steps leading to the sleek glass building. The modern structure is slightly out of place among the Roman-esque buildings surrounding it but the air of importance it exudes overrules any who dare say it doesn't belong.

"I can't tell you how glad I am that there's an open bar," Max remarks, hanging his head out the window to wave at someone. "It makes these events so much easier."

"You're telling me," you mumble, searching involuntarily for a familiar head of dusty blond hair in the droves of people arriving. Instead of sight, it's the unforgettable rumble of his Civic Type R's exhaust that alerts you to his arrival. Your head whips around, eyes eating up the pearl white paint of Pierre's favored car as it slides in behind you. You silently thank whatever deity is listening that his windshield is tinted, protecting you from seeing the smirk you are certain is playing on his lips.

Once upon a time, the cockpit of that car had been your favorite place in the world. You'd spent countless hours inside it eating shitty gas station cuisine and singing along to the radio at the top of your lungs as Pierre drove you to whatever adventure he had planned for the day. 

Max waves at your- his friend, you remind yourself sharply- and revs his Acura in response. He leaves the keys with the valet, picking up on the tension in your shoulders as the white car parks behind you. Max tugs your arm in attempt to turn you away, but your feet are rooted to the spot. 

“I see you found another date-” The flash of a grin on Pierre's face as he steps out is immediately dashed when he notices you on Max's arm.

If looks could kill, Max would keel over then and there. A muscle in Pierre's jaw flutters as he takes in the sight of the two of you together, your hand on the Dutchman's forearm and your matching attire looking for all the world as if it was purposefully coordinated. 

Max lifts his chin, spine going straight under Pierre's threatening glare. “Her airfare was already paid for and she already had the dress. Someone had to take her.”

Your stomach sinks; the last thing you wanted to do was become a point of contention between the two boys, but you refused to apologize for at least attempting to enjoy yourself. 

Pierre doesn't speak again, only nods to Max and pointedly avoids your stare. He tosses the keys to the smart-dressed kid serving as his valet, coming around to open Victoria's door. With his back turned to you, you take a moment to study the crisp white suit he's chosen for tonight. You had always told him black wasn't his color and he seemed to have taken it to heart. White was what you loved seeing him in, and the tight cut brought back memories of a different type of suit in an entirely different city only a few weeks ago. You'd peeled him out of that Alpha Tauri race suit the moment he made it to the trailer, eager to worship him after his podium. You'd be lying if you said it hasn't been the best sex of your life.

"Come on," Max urges, placing a chaste hand on your upper back and turning you around. He leads you up the stairs, his comforting touch never leaving your skin for a moment. The callouses were all wrong, the fingers too broad to be who you wanted it to be, and yet you couldn't help but imagine it was Pierre leading you up, stopping to smile for the few cameras scattered around.

Flashes spot your vision as you pull your face into an expression of excitement. Max murmurs something in your ear that you think is encouragement but the din of reporters is too deafening to be sure.

"How come you aren't with Pierre?"

The shouted question comes from an unknown assailant but it strikes you like a physical blow. You freeze, mouth going dry as you search for a suitable excuse. Max grants you the space of a single heartbeat to respond before he does so on your behalf.

"How about you mind your own damn business and worry about your cheating wife?"

The man who had bombarded you goes slack jawed, Max's wild guess clearly somehow hitting him just as hard as he had hit you.

"Keep walking," he urges you, leading you through the blinding sea of flashing lights. When you hear the same question directed at Pierre, his flippant laugh grates on your nerves.  

You don't have it in you to appreciate the grand architecture of the entrance hall, too busy trying to keep your breathing in check. Max steers you off to the side and places his hands on your shoulders.

"Look at me," he demands, and you drag your eyes up to his face. "Breathe. He's hurting just as bad as you, only difference is he's better at hiding it. Just enjoy the night okay? I'll grab you a drink and we can find Daniel and his friend and you two can catch up."

You nod, placing a hand on your throat. The delicate chain of the necklace is a vice around your neck, the reminder of him pulling it tight. Your pulse hammers beneath your fingers and you focus on it until it slows. "Get me whatever you're having."

Max disappears in the crowd, and you take a seat at the bench tucked in the corner. No one pays you any heed as they walk past, entranced by the elegant decor and fragrant florals. Your head falls forward to rest in your hands and you struggle to take deep, calming breaths.

Pierre was here. Inhale.

He looked happy. Exhale.

He was getting by. Inhale.

You could get by, too. Exhale.

Renewed, you glance up in time to find Max standing before you with a drink of dark liquid adorned with maraschino cherries in each hand. He extends one glass to you and you don't bother to question what it is before swallowing half in one go. "Better?"

"Much." You stand and brush out the wrinkles in your dress. "Where are we sitting?"

"Er, about that," Max starts, rubbing his neck sheepishly. "They put two teams at each table. We're at the Red Bull Alpha Tauri table."

"I see." You take another deep, steadying breath, letting the anxiety ebbing in your veins fade out with the exhale. It was times like this that you channeled Daniel a bit. It sounded silly and you would never admit it, but the slogans on his helmets worked if you focused on them hard enough. All good, all ways.

If Pierre could get through tonight, so could you.

“I can try to see if I can switch tables-”

"It's fine," you say and down the rest of the drink. “I can handle it.”

Max shifts on his feet, his discomfort something you rarely see from him. He usually excelled at keeping a straight face in uncomfortable situations but it seems that your unease rubbed off on him. “We should get going then, dinner will be served any minute.”

You once again take the arm he offers you, the liquor in your veins already granting you false courage. “We would have time to mingle if you hadn’t taken the scenic route.”

“It was nice out,” he protests, and pulls you to a halt when he spots Daniel across the hall. His girlfriend waves at you with a sad smile. She gestures between the two of you to indicate that you’ll talk later before Daniel pulls her towards the McLaren table. That boy was punctual to a fault and would be caught dead before he was late to anything.

Thankfully, the two of you arrive before Victoria and her date and are able to secure seats that ensure there’s a buffer between you. By some small miracle Christian Horner and his wife were absent and instead a few engineers and their significant others sat at the packed table. Max greets Gianpiero while you take your seat, happy to observe.

“Hey!”

You twist in time to see Yuki’s short frame emerge from the crowd and point to the empty seat to your right. “This one taken?”

You shake your head, standing to give him a quick hug. “How are you doing? Where’s your date?”

“Ah, she couldn’t make it. Had some family stuff to take care of. You look great, by the way.”

You dip your chin in thanks, unsure how else to respond. He was in a white suit that you were sure would wind up stained five minutes into dinner. “Did they mandate that you wear white?”

He shakes his head with a rueful smile. “Honestly, it’s the only one I own. I haven't been to enough events to build up my closet yet."

"Well I think it's…"

You spot Pierre before he sees you. His brow is slightly creased as he hunts for the correct table using the same focused determination as when driving his Alpha. For a split second, he meets your gaze. The cacophony of the event fades to background noise and suddenly it's just the two of you and you damn near lift your hand in a wave. You're positive he can see your heart beating out of your chest like in an old cartoon as you curl your fingers into a fist in your lap. Your restraint proves fatal, the floor falling out from beneath your feet when he drops your stare. This was your new normal, you remind yourself. Stolen glances were all you would get.

"I can move," Yuki says, starting to rise. You grip his wrist, holding him in place.

"Please don't." The only other open seats were across the table, and at least then you didn't have to worry about brushing elbows with him all night long.

Yuki nods, slowly settling back in. Max finally takes his seat after giving your shoulder a supportive squeeze.

"You don't have to say anything to him," he reminds you, barely audible over the scrape of chairs and various chatter.

You find anywhere else to look as Pierre pulls out Vic's chair for her and makes his rounds to greet everyone. Daniel and his girlfriend are seated a few tables away and you distract yourself by attempting to read their lips. You manage a few minutes of tenuous peace, catching snippets of Daniel's cheesy jokes and her disapproving, yet flirty, responses.

"Damn, we clean up well, huh?"

You squeeze your eyes shut at the sound of home. His words are honey and you lap them up like you'd never tasted anything sweeter. They weren't even directed at you and yet somehow you twist them to fit your narrative.

Pierre stands at the bottom of the stairs like a chaste high school prom date patiently waiting for your grand entrance. He checks his watch and rakes a hand through his messy hair. You stifle your laugh with a hand, amused by his unnecessary nervous energy.

Taking mercy on him, you clear your throat. His gaze snaps up to you, mouth falling open. You take your time gathering the orange fabric of your dress and descending the stairs, savoring the way he eats you up. He was resplendent in his crisp white tuxedo and you had half a mind to make him late for the gala and strip him out of it then and there and devour him.

Your heels clack on the marble floor of his entirely too fancy apartment and you pause to do a little spin for him, earning you an appreciative whistle for your trouble. A laugh bubbles out of you and you place your hands on his shoulders. His own settle on your waist to pull you flush against him, his body heat soaking through the thin fabric of your dress to warm your core.

"Damn, we clean up well, huh?"

You start when knuckles graze the back of your bare neck. The touch is there and gone but you know immediately that it's Pierre. It's slight enough to be brushed off as accidental to anyone else, but nothing was accidental with Pierre. The barely there contact conveys more than any words ever could. 

He still loved you. You looked stunning. He wishes you were still his so he could prove it to you. All this and so much more contained in a half second brush of his skin to yours.

It all comes back to you in a rush, the emotion you'd so carefully tucked away in a locked box in the back of your mind finally set free. His touch ignites any other thought in your mind that isn't him, burning it away until it's ashes on the wind. 

Despite your better judgement, you lean into him, giving him permission to unravel you. This time you sigh when his fingers ghost over your skin, electricity sparking in their wake. You didn't care who might be watching; the tiny touches were slowly repairing your shattered heart. Your traitorous mind replaces his fingers with the brush of his lips to your nape, imagining the heat as he slides the strap of your dress off your shoulder, lips moving to follow.

You bite your lip to stifle a groan when his heat is withdrawn, leaving you feeling inexplicably naked. You open your eyes to find Victoria's pitying stare paired with an apologetic smile. Max nudges you with his elbow, and you realize someone has addressed you.

"Um, what?"

"I said I like how you guys coordinated outfits," Pierre repeats and openly prods your shoulder. "Obviously Max chose the color."

His tone is playful, but his words are clipped in a way only you understand. Craning your neck, you twist to look up at him. His eyes are cloudy and his smile doesn't reach them, more for show than anything else. "It was an accident."

"Doesn't look that way."

Your retort is ready on your tongue but he doesn't give you a chance to reply before retreating to his seat. His ability to act as if nothing has changed astounds you, as your head is still reeling from the pinpricks of his skin on yours. Instead of being rendered speechless, he strikes up a conversation with Yuki about the Alpha's performance, leaving out the confidential details but giving enough away that it surprises you.

The sheer fact that he can so easily switch off whatever feelings he harbors is unfair. The sensation of his fingers on your neck still lingers and it's all you can do to keep from stepping around the table and slotting yourself between his legs like you had in that bar in London. Your nails bite into your palms, listening in if only for his voice to wash over you and calm your racing heart.

When he mentions the rake angle, you know it's just to mislead anyone who might be eavesdropping. He'd told you the exact angle in the past, and it certainly was not one degree, and it did not cause the level of understeer he was describing.

"The understeer comes from improper tire selection," you blurt. "And driver error."

All eyes turn to you and you straighten. You knew enough about the construction of a Formula 1 car to be positive your assessment was correct. You were almost as certain that he'd said it to force you into speaking to him whether you liked it or not.

"What was that?"

If Pierre could torment you with his subtle touches, you could do the same and call him out when he was wrong.

"Driver error caused the rear end to slide out around that turn in Japan, not the rake angle. That's got nothing to do with it. Your tires were blistered because of you taking an imperfect racing line and they were old. You miscalculated the level of traction they'd give you."

Why no one else had pointed it out was beyond you.

"So you're an engineer now?" Pierre challenges, crossing his arms. Something about the arrogance radiating from him rubbed you the wrong way. You let all the emotion of the past few days surface and add fuel to the fire.

"No, but I've learned enough to see through the bullshit drivers spin to mislead other teams."

Max murmurs your name in warning but your frustration is boiling over. He replaced you tonight, didn't even pause to consider going alone and instead choosing to take Victoria. Sure, it had been your fault that he was dateless, but that didn't give him the right to hurt you too. He knew it would destroy you to see him with anyone else even if it was completely platonic, but he did it anyway.

"Why don't you tell me where I should brake on turn ten since you're an expert all of a sudden?" Victoria lays a hand on his arm but he yanks it out of her grip. "What crack in the pavement? Or is it a mark on the barrier? Drive one lap in my car and then you can tell me how to drive."

It wasn't your analysis that had upset him. You'd done so plenty of times and he had always taken your criticism with an open mind, using it to tweak his driving style to improve his lap time or turn it into a teaching experience so you could learn. No, judging by the way his eyes are lined with silver that he fights to blink away, it's your betrayal that upsets him and rightfully so. You glance around the table but no one is willing to meet your eyes save for Max, who angles his head as if to say fight for it.

But you can't. It's monumentally easier to let Pierre win and sweep it under the rug than to address the deeper issue. "I was trying to help," you say lamely, picking at the salad in front of you.

"You don't get to do that anymore."

The venomous words hit like knives, knocking the breath out of you. Your mouth hangs open like a fish gasping for air but any reply you think up dies on your tongue.

As the music fades out and a man climbs up onto the stage, Pierre gets up and leaves. You track his progress as he weaves through tables, noting Daniel reaching for him as he passes. You flinch when the balcony door slams behind him, an astonished murmur rocking through the crowd.

"You should probably talk to him," Max whispers.

You shake your head, not trusting yourself to speak. You had no idea what you would say. 'Sorry' was insignificant and 'I love you' would be cruel when the barest of thought regarding how the media treated you made your stomach churn. 

Max pulls his phone out under the table and you think you see Charles' name on the screen. Good; someone had to make sure Pierre didn't do anything he would regret in the morning and if it wasn't you, Charles was the next best chaperone. A minute later, the Ferrari driver leaves his seat too, exiting the same way as Pierre. 

Focusing on what's said on stage proves fruitless. Try as you might, your attention is trained on the side door Pierre had disappeared through, praying he returns despite knowing it would mean more barbed words hurled at you. Neither he nor Charles return at any point during the presentation. His absence was quickly becoming a gaping black hole, swallowing up any semblance of sanity you had managed to gather in preparation for tonight.

"Try to have some fun," Max says, nudging you with an elbow. "As soon as this guy shuts up I’ll get us some more drinks and then we can eat and get out on the dance floor and forget about everything, yeah?"

You nod. You already feel the buzz of the first drink, and one or two more would push you thoroughly over the edge into blissful forgetfulness. "I don't wanna be sad anymore."

**********

He didn't know where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away from you before he said something that would tear whatever hope he held of repairing what was between you to ribbons. He registers Daniel's low, "Gas, you good?" as he breezes past, but doesn't pause to answer. His sights are locked on the wide, carved oak doors that lead to fresh air.

The breath whooshes out of him when he flings open the balcony doors. They slam behind him and he winces. Chalk that up as something else for Helmut to pick him apart for on Monday.

Pierre rakes a trembling hand through his hair and rests his elbows on the railing, sucking in lungfuls of air like he'd just surfaced from a dive in the harbor. 

When you'd agreed to come to the gala with him, he had been overjoyed. You hadn't made it to the winter gala earlier this year due to a last minute exam and he had sulked the entire night. He still had the place card embossed with your name in the fishbowl by his door, the sizable container nearly overflowing with memories of you. Everything from forgotten earrings to plastic hotel key cards filled the bowl and it was a bright reminder of your adventures together. His plan had been to add another place card to the mix after tonight but after what he'd just said to you, he'd rather forget today ever happened. 

He fucking hurt. Everything just hurt, from the shirt collar scratching at his neck to the bone deep ache that had started when he laid eyes on you on those steps, arm locked with Max's. You'd stolen the words from his mouth, the jab he'd planned to toss at Max dying at the sight of you. 

He hadn't expected you to come tonight. Despite anyone's objections, he'd been fully prepared to get completely shit faced to the point that the ghost of your skin no longer haunted his fingertips and your voice no longer sang in his head. But seeing your damned face had shattered the false reality he had constructed, the one where you never broke him and left him scrambling to piece himself back together.

The universe had dealt him another low blow when he discovered Red Bull and Alpha Tauri would be at the same table and he'd be forced to endure your presence at arms length, close enough to touch but absolutely not allowed to do so. It was his own personal hell, constructed solely to punish him for whatever transgressions he'd made in his life.

And that fucking dress. 

The orange painted the aquamarine charm at the hollow of your throat in sharp relief, showing it off like he somehow still owned you. If you had arrived with him, he would have already led you back to the Civic and bunched that damned dress up past your hips to drag his favorite sounds from you with his tongue. If he could just get you alone, he's sure it wouldn't take more than a single touch to have you crashing into him and begging for more.

Seeing you with Max tonight paints an entirely different picture.

It's Max he sees tearing off the dress at the end of the night when you get back to his apartment. Max's hands slide over your hips and you laugh, walking back so you can keep your lips on his as he slams the door shut behind you. You dip your head back when he presses you to the wall, Max unfaltering as his lips and teeth trace the curve of your exposed throat and he slips the straps of the matching dress of your shoulders to let it pool at your feet. Max's name breezes past your lips on a shaky exhale as you become putty beneath his fingers.

No matter how loud Pierre calls your name, you don't hear him, instead cupping the back of the Dutchman's head and pulling him in for a heated kiss. When you do finally notice him observing from afar, agony wracking his body, all you do is grin. It feels real, even though Pierre is certain it's a crazed fever dream, his mind spinning his worst fear to life: you seeking comfort in the company of someone that wasn't him.

Pierre starts when the door squeaks open, the nightmare thankfully dissolving. Charles steps out clad head to toe in blazing Ferrari red and instantly he knows who sent him. The thought alone stokes rage in his chest, the image of your lips on Max's still fresh.

"Not as easy as you expected it to be, is it?" He asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Fuck off," Pierre growls and immediately regrets it. Beyond you, Charles was his closest friend. They had known each other for ages. It wasn’t a friendship he was willing to sacrifice just because he felt like shit. Pierre sighs and throws him an apologetic glance. "No it's not."

"Why don't you talk to her?"

"She doesn't want to fucking talk, Charles. Take one look at her, she's hanging on Max like she can't get enough of him." Pierre hangs his head in his hands, emotions shifting faster than he did on race day. "I can't go back in there and watch her choose him over me."

"You don't really believe that bullshit, do you?" Charles asks, joining him at the railing.

Not entirely, but he still struggled to understand your thought process. He thought he knew you, but you being here tonight when he had been certain you wouldn't be proved he didn't. 

"I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought it would be forever, that I'd finally found someone who didn't mind my lifestyle and accepted it for what it was, who loved me unconditionally. I thought she was my forever."

"You think she's done with you just because some assholes invaded her privacy?" Charles shakes his head. "She's loved you for a long time, years even. You haven't seen the looks she gives you, but the rest of us have. You hung the moon in her sky, Pierre. That kind of thing doesn't just get swept away by the breeze."

His shoulders curl inward in an attempt to hide the frustrated tear that escapes him. "What am I supposed to do?"

Charles shrugs. "I don't think there's a right answer to that. Try giving her some space. She didn't grow up in the spotlight like we did. It's not an easy adjustment for some people, mate. And blowing up on her when she tries to make conversation doesn't help anything," he says gently. "Let her figure it out and come to you when she's ready."

The concept of letting you go even temporarily was terrifying to him. Waiting on you to make the first move was even worse because he was setting his fate in your hands. 

"I miss her," he murmurs, turning his face to his friend.

"I know." Charles throws an arm around the taller man's shoulders and follows his gaze out over the tiered streets of Monaco's city center. "My suggestion is to throw yourself into the season. Show her you know how to fight, y'know?"

Pierre nods. He could do that. It was how he normally handled his problems anyway; let the track wick away whatever was on his mind and force him to hone in on the details surrounding him in each moment. 

"You ready to head inside?" Charles asks.

"I don't think I can go back just yet."

"Want me to hang out here with you?"

"No. I'll be back eventually."

Charles' hand falls from his shoulder after a short squeeze, the sound of a tinny voice over the speakers temporarily flooding the balcony as Charles returns to the banquet. Pierre allows himself a few more moments of reprieve before slipping back inside just as the applause starts. Rather than returning to the delicately portioned meal that sat cooling before his empty chair, he orders a drink. Whiskey on the rocks, his go to in times of crisis. He takes one sip before the reminder of you ordering it for him in London makes holding the glass of caramel liquid unbearable and he downs it in a single swallow, going back to order a beer instead.

He nurses the green bottle of Heineken as he leans against the wall until the meal is finished and the chit chat starts. You stand with Max, practically pressed against him as you snatch a flute of champagne from a passing server. You search the crowd, brows drawing together when you don't locate your quarry. Pierre had made sure that he was tucked out of the low lighting, unsure if he could survive you stealing worried glances at him all night. 

Charles winds his way over to pass off a roll he snagged from dinner, practically forcing the Frenchman to eat it before returning to his date. He nibbles at it absentmindedly, entirely too focused on you to divert an ounce of focus elsewhere.

Your dress is a glowing sun in a sea of earth tone garments, drawing his eye as you pull Max out onto the wood platform serving as the dance floor before the tables are fully cleared. The flush in your cheeks tells him you're deeper in your cups than you should be; Max didn't know your limit as well as he did. Three drinks was all you could manage before you got tipsy, five if you wanted to be completely blitzed. 

The lights dim and his hiding spot is no longer quite as good as the party lights sweep over him from time to time. Max places one hand on your hip and you place one on his shoulder and grin up at him. Judging by the fit of giggles that requires you to lean into Max for support, you were teetering dangerously on the edge of being wholly drunk. You throw your head back and laugh at whatever Max says in response to your fit, Pierre straining to hear the musical sound over the band. 

"Hey," Victoria says, breaking his concentration. "You wanna get out there?"

Pierre grimaces. He had managed to completely forget about her, too stuck in his own head. "Sorry, Vic. I don't think I'd be a very good partner tonight."

"No worries," she says, a soft, understanding smile on her lips. "I can keep myself busy."

Pierre nods his thanks, his attention immediately returning to the dance floor. Daniel and his girlfriend steal the show, both laughing as he dips and twirls her across the floor. 

Being together was so fucking easy for them, effortless in a way it wasn't for you and Pierre. They never once paid any heed to the photographers that swarmed them or the headlines printed about them, they just laughed the rumors off and carried on. No one could question their love for each other because they were vocal about it- sometimes annoyingly so- and Daniel was rarely seen in public without her at his side. They were always touching, holding hands or stealing kisses or even the near scandal of his hand blatantly on her ass at the podium a few races back, and neither of them cared.

Their love was all that mattered. They didn't care who knew it.

But you and Pierre were far too private to be like that, at least not when you were still trying to figure things out yourself. The first sign of outside pressure had you cracking, and he wouldn't stand for knowing he was the source of your pain.

He tries and fails to convince himself he isn't jealous of the way Dan's hand so easily glides under the navy blue silk of her dress to caress her back without a second thought, wishing he could do the same to you. If he's being honest, he's living vicariously through Daniel for the next few songs, pretending he was someone else observing you and himself on the dance floor instead. It almost works; the way she shudders when his lips graze her ear is strikingly similar to how you'd react. The smile she flashes up at him is agonizingly close to your own wicked grin.

When her mouth finds his, Pierre gathers his wits and turns away. Their blatant public affection flipped a switch inside him, disgust rocking through him for a split second before he pushed it away.

He was happy for them. He knew what a long, rocky road it had been for them to become lovers instead of friends, had firsthand knowledge of the stress they'd gone through before they'd finally admitted their feelings to each other, put their pride aside and got together. Pierre had been the one to offer her advice on a night not much different than this one months ago, helping repair the damage Daniel's idiotic, thoughtless words had caused. 

But Pierre had since become the person who was sickened at the sight of others in love. It reminded him that part of himself was missing and he hated it.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep his eyes from wandering back to you. You still occasionally scan the room as Max struggles to lead you through a dance. By some stroke of bad luck your gaze snags on him just as a spotlight illuminates his face and he grimaces. A slow blink is the only surprise you let show before laying your head on Max's shoulder. Jealousy spikes through him like wildfire, igniting his blood and tinging his vision with red.

He wants to march over and rip you off Max. He wants you tucked safely against him as his thumb rubs circles on the bare skin of the small of your back. He wants, more than anything, to take you to his apartment and half carry you up the stairs, having to shush you because you're giggling loud enough to wake the dead, and lay you down in his bed. He wants to help you out of that stunning dress and into a pair of his sweats and curl up against you, letting you sleep off your hangover until noon.

He'd fucked up that chance though, hadn't he? He had slipped up and driven you straight into your friend's arms, who he trusted not to make a move on you but not enough to negate the jealousy coursing through him.

In that moment, he hates you. He hates the hold you have on him, the way a simple gesture between half-drunk friends could send him into a spiral so steep he didn't recognize himself. He hates that he can't keep his eyes off you, your gravity too strong for him to resist.

Most of all, he hates that he doesn’t know how to quit you.

@seasidetom @flashcal @limp-wrist-max​ @sunshinesewis​ @lifeofzoemichael @ninuffi @perfectfantasies22 @lamboleglerg @ladyperceval 

[nightshade-minho]

MOONSTORM [ iii ]

You know that feeling when you know you’ve made a terrible mistake?

Yes. That feeling.

It’s a feeling that never really goes away. You had to learn that the hard way.

Irrevocable actions, stupid mistakes. You were heart-wrenchingly familiar with all of it.

To err was human apparently. You...weren’t human, though.

It seems like being superhuman was insignificant, after all. At the end of the day, nothing mattered. None of your powers did.

Despite it all, you still lost him.

warnings: depressing shit (it gets better though dw) mentions of death, violence, sexual content, future smut

wc: 2.8k

moonstorm masterlist

It felt like the world had lost all color.

It had happened so many months ago, and yet it still felt like it happened just yesterday. The memories of stumbling out of his lair, covered in his blood and your tears, still fresh in your mind.

The image of his face, betrayed and yet so calm as he uttered those last words to you...it haunted you constantly.

You found yourself looking at the moon every night, dreaming about what could have been. The nightmares endlessly plagued your sleep as well, causing you to fear even your own bed.

No...even after Hyunjin's effects on you wore off, your own brain took on the responsibility of torturing you by conjuring up more heartbreaking dreams. Dreams which made you long for something you knew you’d lost forever- never to be yours again.

You never truly realized how much you’d gotten used to having him around. Life was so glaringly empty and meaningless without him. It was a complicated relationship…and yet it still left a giant hole in you. An all-encompassing despair that threatened to swallow you up.

With him gone, it just didn’t feel right to be a superhero anymore. How could you be the strong role model for everyone in the city to rely on when you knew just how weak you’d become? Even when the newspapers were covered with your heroics, even as the mayor addressed the city and expressed his desire to give you a medal for stopping yet another supervillain from roaming the streets- you stubbornly refused to don that costume ever again.

You stayed hidden through it all. You just couldn’t bring yourself to go out in public anymore. Your vigilante costume lay forgotten in the back of your closet- crumpled and sad.

It just...felt wrong. At the moment you felt nothing but pathetic. You didn’t have time to waste saving a snotty kitten stuck on a tree or stop a petty criminal from robbing a bank- all you were fit to do was eat ice cream straight from the can, and watch a soulless movie. The same routine, day in and day out. You hadn’t left your apartment in nearly a month, not even to buy groceries. Every second was spent wrapped up in blankets, pondering what you’d done.

Was that selfish of you? Probably. You were discovering new flaws by the second.

Sighing, you sat up a little, your ass almost numb from how long you’d spent lying down. Glancing up, you saw your father’s portrait looking down at you. You swallowed and slowly stood up from your bed, groaning to yourself. Why did he suddenly seem so disappointed?

Maybe a little bit of fresh air is what you needed, considering you were starting to believe the paintings were changing expressions. After all, you had work to do anyway- might as well take advantage of the nearby café’s free WiFi.

***

Here at last.

You sat down in the corner of the café, so tired you could barely move a muscle. But you had to get a move on with your life- the recovery should have happened by now.

And yet here you were, months later. Nothing seemed to be able to fill the hole he left behind, and even now you wished you could go back home as soon as possible.

Had it...had it been a mistake?

Of course it had. Your misery was evidence, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could convince yourself that you’d done it for the good of the city.

The truth was... Hwang Hyunjin scared you.

He made you feel things, made you want to be someone else entirely. Every ounce of rigidity and austerity you’d imposed in yourself disappeared every time you were with him. He made you want to give everything up- give up all the responsibilities and burdens you carried on your shoulders to be with him. To be like him- free.

It wasn’t Hyunjin who was a threat to the city. No, not directly.

It was you- or rather the lack of you.

This city needed you to survive, and if Hyunjin managed to change you...it surely wouldn’t have lasted long without your help. Hyunjin had never really been the city’s biggest threat- there were far worse villains and it was them who you really fought against.

He was more of just an inconvenience, someone you had to deal with from time to time. And then he’d struck that deal- after which the nature of your relationship had turned into something entirely different.

Every time he acted up, it was usually just a ploy to get your attention. And attention was exactly what he got. You’d reinforced his behavior like an idiot.

You told yourself it was a chore, but it wasn’t all that convincing. You’d loved spending those nights in his bed, loved the way he was an expert at making you come undone with his body and his words.

It really had seemed like a good idea at the time. The right thing to do. However, it was quickly starting to seem like anything but.

You sighed as your mind tried its best not to travel back all those months. Dipping a teabag into the liquid, you mindlessly observed the customers in the cafe. Many of them were young, teenagers who were heading out before class.

You sighed as you recalled your own high school days, the times Hyunjin and you had hung out in a cafe much like this one.

“You don’t have to help me with this project, you know.”

“Ah, shush. It’s our final year. I’m not going to leave you alone.” He smiled as he flipped through his books, taking a sip of his coffee occasionally.

“You act like you’re not sticking to me like white on rice the rest of the year.” You roll your eyes, chuckling to yourself.

“Don’t get snippy with me, missy.” He smirked, still thumbing the pages nonchalantly. “Or I’ll have to punish you.”

“You- I- what?” You wouldn’t admit it, but the thought caused a fluttering sensation in more than one place. It was a little bit of a shock, considering the two of you had done nothing more than make out and flirt, until now.

“Chill. I’m kidding.” He shook his head, looking up at you. “Unless…” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Stop it! I’m supposed to be working right now.” You whined, swatting him with a rolled up paper.

“I don’t care.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “Hm...do you know what I’m thinking of right now, Y/n?”

“W-what?”

“Thinking about how easy it would be to slip my fingers under your skirt and play with that pretty pussy of yours. I’m pretty sure it’s soaked your underwear through by now.”

Fuck.

Your cheeks flushed as you stared at your plate. You couldn’t find it in yourself to respond properly- his mere words had already turned you to a mess.

“S-shut up.” You mumbled, reading out formulas aloud as you tried to divert your attention from it. Hyunjin let out a teasing chuckle at your lame attempt to change the topic, shaking his head as he stared at his book again, unaware you were looking over your own at him, pressing your thighs together subtly.

God, he was so...so annoying.

You snapped out of it, sighing as you looked around at the much less crowded cafe. Had it always looked so dull? So lifeless?

The thought of him was hurtful- it felt like a dull knife, screwing itself into you. Reminding you what you’d done.

You’d killed the love of your life.

And now? There was no way to bring him back.

***

“Murder is never something a superhero should resort to. A good hero always stays true to themselves- they only kill if it’s absolutely necessary.”

A cough.

“But of course...villains are exempt from that rule. Killing one villain’s life could save countless others.”

Hm. You weren’t exactly sure if your father was right. Although you were just a child, you still had some knowledge of morality.

Was he? Killing just...seemed wrong. You didn’t know if you could bring yourself to do it, no matter how evil the person was.

“Surely there are other ways to neutralize someone evil, Father?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, before shaking his head coldly. “Untrue.”

“The truth is, some lives are expendable, my dear Y/n…” Another cough, before he cleared his throat and fixed his gaze back on you.

“You must always look for the greater good.”

***

You still remembered the day you first met Hyunjin.

He was 13, and you were just a little younger. Your families were good comrades and allies, so your eventual meeting had already been planned.

The two of you were in the living room with everyone else as they talked to each other, mingling and chattering like adults usually did. Hyunjin and you made an unanimous decision to sneak out to the rooftop, and get to know each other better.

“So...our parents are allies now, hm? This means we’re going to see each other a lot more.”

“Of course we are! We’re both prodigies, like my dad and your mom...we inherited their powers, so they’re obviously going to want to cultivate those.”

“You speak pretty fancy for a 12 year old.”

“Hey, so do you! Besides, we’re gifted, aren’t we?”

“Hm.” He sighed, swinging his legs and inhaling. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up again.

“Do you actually like having these powers?”

“Oh? Well, yeah...I do...my father tells me stories of his days as a superhero. I want to help people, just like him.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d much rather live a normal life. Get a normal job, find someone to love, and have a normal marriage in a normal town.”

You pressed your lips together. “To each their own, I guess. Personally, I just want to get rid of all the evil in the world and make my father proud.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Evil…” He tapped his chin. “How does one even know the difference between good and evil?”

You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I’m pretty sure it would be obvious in every situation.”

“I disagree. The distinction is blurry. No one knows for sure, and definitely not at first glance.” He sighed. “I would know.”

You brought your knees to your chest as you observed the city below. “Well, I guess you’re right…” you paused, your heart feeling a little heavy for some reason.

“Do you know?”

“The line between good and evil is thin, Y/n. I can’t say I know for sure. But do you know what will always help you remember?”

“What?”

“Your heart.” He said softly, glancing at you and offering you a small smile.

“Just do whatever feels right...trust yourself.”

***

You sighed and shut your laptop.

Home. You needed to go home, cause your heart ached too much. You definitely weren’t ready to go back to work yet. You hadn’t done anything productive today really, just drink coffee and reflect on your actions. Regretting....regretting it all.

It’d been wrong. The wrong choice, the wrong decision.

You knew that, now. There could have been another way. You shouldn’t have rushed into it like that...how could you?

You felt a surge of hatred towards yourself engulf you. It was all your fault, this pain you were feeling. You didn’t have anyone to direct this immense anger towards except yourself. You realized this little fact in horror, your heart clenching as you wished things could have been different.

Finishing off your coffee, you placed a few bills on the table as you left the café, heading home. Ready to burrow under the blankets again, wallow in your self pity and pain. There wasn’t much else to do except succumb to acceptance.

You made your way down the street, humming the saddest song you knew under your breath.

All of a sudden, you felt eyes burning into your back. Your own eyes widening slightly, you turned around quickly-

But there was no one there.

Weird. Sighing, you decided to go back to going over your plans for tonight in your mind.

Maybe watch a movie in hopes of triggering some sort of emotion in you...or maybe take a bath, light some candles and listen to depressing music- shit.

It happened again. Someone was following you- you could feel it. Uncomfortable, your breathing slowly started getting heavier as you tried to formulate some kind of plan in your head-

The next thing that happened was so sudden you barely registered it for a second.

Your hand was gripped, so tightly you felt it would bruise. Aggressive, shocking and swift as lightning- it took several seconds before you realized someone was trying to kidnap you.

“Stop! Leave me alone!”

Struggling against the person holding you, you caught a glimpse of the masked man and decided to scream, hoping to gain some attention from somebody, anybody. There was no way this was happening, not right now. Your day had already been bad enough, why was the universe so intent on rubbing salt in your wounds?!

The urge to fight had never been stronger. Yet there was no strength left in your body. You couldn’t fight back against this man- he was taller than you and somehow even matched you in strength. Unless you exposed your powers, there was no way you would get yourself out of this predicament. Somehow you managed to smack him with your arm weakly, making him hiss.

“Let me go, please!”

The coffee cup fell out of your hand, brown liquid spilling all over the ground as you were pulled into the dark alley so quickly, no one would notice. Your eyes darted about in panic, trying to work out a possible escape route when the masked man caged you in, his arms on either side of you.

A horrible sense of déjà vu enveloped you. It’s all you can do to not scream, trying to keep yourself calm so that you could escape.

It’s ok, breathe in...and concentrate.

The heat within you started to crackle, your palms beginning to burn up gradually.

Your eyes blinked as you decided to try and take a good look at the person holding you. Their head was covered with a black mask, their finger held over their mouth as they ran their eyes over your distressed expression.

Inhale. Exhale.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You hissed, staying still and pretending to give up the struggle. “Unhand me now, or you’ll regret it, trust me-“

“Shh! Y/n, please…” He shushed you, his voice shaky.

You stopped in your tracks.

Huh?

That voice…

“I’ll explain... but first we need to get out of here, fuck-” He looked from side to side quickly, scanning his surroundings.

Shit. Why does that voice sound so familiar?

“Who- who are you?!” You managed to get out, the heat fading away as deep, panicked confusion took over you instead.

There was a small sigh as your assailant stood up a little straighter, groaning. And then, his fingers deftly pulled the mask off, clutching it in his hands tightly.

Golden locks spilled out, a handsome visage coming into view. Plump lips and beautiful eyes, looking oh so familiar.

No.

No.

It couldn’t be. This wasn’t happening. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the actual fuck was going on?

It’s him.

But it can’t be.

How? It’s not possible-

You’re definitely losing your mind.

The man’s breathing got quicker as he watched your expression morph from fear into one of pure, electric shock.

“I know you’re shocked, Y/n, but please listen to-“

Your chest started heaving, quickly rising and falling as your heart pounded against your rib cage.

This...could not be happening. What was this? Was this a nightmare? Yet another sick, twisted dream? He couldn’t be standing right in front of you...it was impossible. No. No no no no no no no.

It was all too overwhelming, and your brain and body seemed to agree on that. Your mind swam, your thoughts all over the place as you felt yourself sway on your feet.

“This- I-“ You stumbled over your words, tears slipping past quickly as you tried to form words to express what you felt.

Pain. Searing pain, taking over, spreading from head to toe.

Your breathing slowed as the world suddenly went black, Hyunjin’s shouts in the background fading away...until there was nothing but silence.

Pure, unadulterated silence.

[strawberrynamjoon]

wine bottles & pizza boxes

– genre: delivery boy!namjoon & lovesick!reader

– word count: 17k

– summary: while desperately trying to get over your heartbreak the cute new delivery boy made it to his personal mission to make you smile whenever you were drunk and lonely. luckily, your mutual friend hoseok was more than willing to set the two of you up.

or: namjoon fell in love with you, no matter if you had a pretty dress on or a wine bottle in your hand and a puzzle piece in your hair.

– warnings: reader gets drunk a lot and is kinda an emotional mess lol, humour and crack, sope being couple of the year, whipped namjoon, kinda slow burn

– note: i finally finished this wip of mine and i hope you guys like it as much as i do. like always, this is not proofread yet, i’ll get to it soon! <3

If anyone were to see you right now, you were sure they would think you’re a complete mess, almost pathetic even and, to be quite honest, they wouldn't be wrong. 

The way you were spread out on your couch, not having moved for hours, in your oversized hoodie and sweatpants, sipping the cheapest wine you could find straight out of the bottle while rewatching Gilmore Girls for the hundredth time truly wasn’t your proudest moment. 

But you felt hurt and you convinced yourself that bathing in some self-pity was the only possible solution for you to get over this stupid, aching heartbreak. If any of your friends would see you like this they would surely disagree with your chosen method but you couldn’t care less. They say time heals all the wounds but for now, wine would have to do the job.

Checking your phone for how much longer your pizza will take to arrive, you noticed a text from your best friend, once again begging you to pay attention to him.

[ Yoongi: It’s been a month since he ghosted you, stop being a crybaby and come to Guk’s party tonight. I’ll even pick you up. ]

A mocking scoff escaped your lips, rolling your eyes way back into your skull. As much as you loved him, you just felt the need to be dramatic in peace – and knowing Yoongi he would never let that happen.

Deciding to leave him on read for now, you heard the doorbell ring and the excitement rushing over you was almost embarrassing, considering the fact that your pizza arriving probably would be the highlight of your whole week.

Instantly regretting checking yourself in the mirror when you realized just how terrible you looked like you tried not to think about it too much, Antonio wouldn’t care either way. You looked disgusting in the truest definition of the word – your messy bun was an actual mess, not in the cute Instagram-model-kinda-way, no. There were big strands of hair falling out of it in the back and it floppily laid on the side of your head instead of the top. Your face was swollen from the crying and the alcohol and there were three fat, red pimples growing on your cheeks.

Luckily, you and Antonio, your standard delivery guy, by now were over having to impress each other. He has seen you in that state more often than your actual friends at this point and he didn’t have to act all nice in front of you anymore, your nagging banter the only social interactions you sometimes had for weeks. Thinking about it for a second it was almost pitiful that your closest friend was a man in his mid fifties who was supplying you with greasy food but you didn’t care, at least Antonio would never ghost you out of nowhere.

More relationships should be like yours and Antonios: Both of you did not annoy the other one, just exchanged a polite smile and some snarky comments every now and then and that was it.

Opening the door, you felt a genuine smile on your face, excited for the pizza you were about to eat, “Antonio, I was never happier to see –”

But before you could end your sentence you were surprised by a new face, a more handsome and younger face than Antonio’s wide and round face and grey hair. The young man in front of you had glowing, tan skin, plump lips and was not only tall but also equally broad. 

Looking at such a handsome man your own age, you became awfully aware of how you looked right now, feeling terribly hideous.

“You’re not Antonio,” the disappointment in your voice was hard to go miss.

The man in front of you started to chuckle and you were met with two deep and extraordinary cute dimples that made him look much nicer. Before you saw them he seemed kind of intimidating but as soon as he smiled there was not a single intimidating thing left about him.

“Believe it or not, I’m very well aware of that,” his deep voice sent shivers down your spine, “I’m Namjoon. And I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but at least I still have the pizza you ordered.”

He pointed to the pizza box on the ground and you just wanted him to leave as soon as possible, not wanting him to have to look at the misery you were for any second longer.

“Well, you’re just as good as Antonio then,” you stated, flashing him a bright smile.

“If that’s all it takes to make you happy your boyfriend must be living a happy life,” he mumbled under his breath without looking at you as he got the pizza box out of his carrier. His standards must be very low if he was flirting with you even in your current state but at least he managed to boost your self esteem a little bit.

You already pictured the little scenarios coming into your mind with the man you just met a few seconds ago and you hated yourself for how easy it is for you to fall in love with a complete stranger. But if all it took to distract yourself from the heartbreak you were going through was a handsome pizza delivery guy you would most definitely take that.

Handing you the box he gave you yet another one of those dimpled smiles and you wished you could take a picture of it, “I hope you can still enjoy it even if Antonio is gone now.”

Now you furrowed your eyebrows, “What do you mean he’s gone? Like, forever? I assumed he just has a day off.”

“Oh no, he actually got fired,” he answered with a shrug. 

“Wow first I got ghosted and now Antonio left me too, I thought at least he would stay,” a playful pout formed on your lips.

The delivery boy, or Namjoon as he introduced himself to you, seemed to be amused by your dramatic acting, joining in immediately, “He has a wife and children. You should’ve known better than to get attached.”

With a smile on your lips, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “I know but he always brought me free sauce even though I didn’t order it and I just fell in love with his kind actions.”

“That’s absolutely against the policy,” Namjoon stated amused, “and probably the reason he got fired.”

The smile was still sitting on your lips as you nodded to him, ready to go back inside, “See you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Namjoon asked with a confused expression on his face, wondering what exactly would happen tomorrow.

“Yes, tomorrow,” you simply stated without any further explanation as you shut your door and walked back to the living room.

You immediately smiled as you replayed the previous encounter in your head. He didn’t even really flirt with you but just the fact that a good looking man stood in front of your door was enough to make you smitten at this point. God, Yoongi was right, you truly were lonely.

Just as you were thinking of the devil your phone vibrated, his name on the screen as he was calling you.

“Whats up? You’re crying or what?” you heard your closest friend on the other line of the phone. To others, the way you and Yoongi talked to each other might seem a bit harsh or cold but in reality, you were as close as two people could be even though none of you would ever admit it out loud.

“I fell in love,” you started and immediately got interrupted.

“I already pity the new man. Who is he?” Yoongi asked, the surroundings loud and you were sure he was on the way to a party.

“You’ll only make fun of me if I tell you,” you pouted, knowing the teasing will never stop if you tell your best friend about your newest crush.

“Me? Making fun of you? Never!” the sarcasm in his voice was thick and you could hear his stupid grin through the phone.

“It’s the delivery guy,” you tried to sound as unbothered as possible but because Yoongi knew you like the back of his hand it was pointless.

“(Y/n) –” he started, taking in a deep breath, “I know you’re lonely but Antonio? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

You laughed, realizing that maybe you should’ve stated your words differently, “Antonio got replaced by a handsome, tall guy. don’t worry, I am not that desperate yet.”

“What do you mean Antonio got replaced? Does this mean we actually have to buy the dip now whenever we order?” Yoongi seemed to be genuinely upset about the fact that he might pay a buck more from now on.

“I’m afraid we have to but at least we can look at a cute buy and talk about how cute he is whenever we do order,” you joked.

“I don’t think we should do that in front of Hoseok, he’s crazy and might kill the delivery guy if he hears me talking about a cute guy,” Yoongi chuckled like he always did when he talked about Hoseok and you rolled your eyes, those goddamn couples all around you making you feel awfully single, “Anyway, we’re celebrating at our place on saturday, you have to come. No excuses accepted, I don’t care if you cry in the bathroom because you’re a sad bitch, you’re still coming.”

“Great, I’ll hate it,” you let out a sigh before hanging up.

Despite threatening your best friend that you’d rather kill yourself than attend a party in your current emotional state, you somehow still found yourself at Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s dorm, getting drunk at their stupid party. You should have known better, in the end he always annoys you until you gave in, it would’ve spared you a lot of discussions.

“Hey Hoseok,” you greeted tonight’s host and good friend with a hug and he gave you a low whistle as he saw you all dressed up. Hoseok was, next to Yoongi, one of the people you could always depend on. When Yoongi introduced his boyfriend to you many years ago you first weren’t sure if their relationship had a real chance since Hoseok seemed to be the complete opposite of Yoongi but by now it was almost impossible to imagine one without the other.

“I didn’t think that I would see you here,” he gave you an appreciating and welcoming smile and you immediately felt at home – Hoseok had this power, always making you feel comfortable, “We missed you. Yoongi wouldn’t admit it, but he did too.”

And so did you – you were aware that ghosting the majority of your friends wasn’t the nicest thing you could’ve done but you were feeling blue, not wanting to talk to anyone else than your neighbor’s cat and the moon.

A small apologetic pout formed on your lips, “Missed you too. I promise I’ll come around more often again.”

On your way to the living room, you studied the people around you – most of them you knew but a few of them you never saw before. It still amazes you how, even after several years of being friends, you still didn’t know all of Hoseok’s friends. This man was like a puppy on the loose, making friends and fans everywhere he’d go.

A few people were busy playing beer pong, Jeongguk and Taehyung had the most concentrated expression you had ever seen on their faces and you wished they would’ve taken your many group projects back in college as serious as this match. Another few familiar faces were chatting and smoking in the kitchen, all of them sitting on the ground. Yoongi sat right in front of the fridge that was probably filled with nothing but a few beers, knowing that’s the typical lifestyle Yoongi and Hoseok had going on.

One could argue that after graduating and finding real jobs their need to party every weekend would vanish but no, they still were the exact same.

You felt a bit lost, not knowing where to go. As you arrived the party was already in full swing, everyone had their spot and you felt almost left out for a second, wondering who you should hold onto for the night.

After grabbing a bottle of cheap champagne from the kitchen, you decided to check out the living room – much to your luck, you found an empty space between Hoseok and Jimin on the couch, gladly getting comfortable between the two friends who were currently discussing which Team would win.

“It’ll be Jeongguk’s for sure,” you threw your thoughts into the conversation, “Come on, it’s Jeongguk. He never loses, we all know that.”

Jimin nodded his head eagerly, agreeing with you, “That’s what I am saying too! It’s two versus one now.”

Hoseok, who didn’t even look at you because he was so invested in watching Taehyung’s every move shook his head, “Tae trained a lot and got so good at it. I think he might stand a chance.”

Just as you clinked your cups with Jimin, ready to get tipsy, Jeongguk noticed you and his smile went wide, reaching his eyes.

“(Y/N),” he shouted over the music from the corner of the living room, “Join us. We’re missing one team member anyways.”

“I hate beer,” you yelled back, “I’d rather die than drink this cold piss.”

He rolled his eyes, not taking a no as an answer. “I’ll drink it for you, I just need someone who actually can aim, unlike this idiot here,” his voice was frustrated while pointing to Seokjn.

“Respect your elders,” Seokjin started scolding as he was aiming to throw the ball in his hand - and then, just like expected, he missed the cup completely.

“See, please, you have to save us,” Jeongguk came over to you, extending his hand to help you up from the couch and you decided to join him before he and Seokjin would start fighting. It’s been quite some time since you played beer pong with your friends but back then, you always did quite a decent job at it.

Before it was your turn, Jeongguk and Taehyung both scored another goal, gulping down their cups within seconds. There were four full cups of beer left in front of you and you prayed that you wouldn’t have to drink one of them. Why couldn’t they play this stupid game with something that actually tasted alright?

Glancing up, ready to shoot your shot your breath stopped for a second as you saw your opponent – Taehyung just recruited a new member for his team from the kitchen because he claimed that if Jeongguk could add a player midgame so could he. But you didn’t expect to be the new member of his team someone you’ve seen before, in a different situation.

“Pizza girl,” Namjoon exclaimed amused, his dimples seemed to be even deeper than you remembered them and he seemed to be pretty tipsy already judging by his pronunciation, “you look different.”

His relaxed aura immediately made you relax too, not even questioning for a second as to where in the world he knew Yoongi and/or Hoseok from. You did make a mental note to check with your friends about that later though.

“The power of make-up and a shower,” you shrug while throwing your ball and – the ball landed right inside of it, Namjoon chuckling as he gave you a thumbs up.

Jeongguk gave you a high five and ruffled your hair a bit, something he always did when he got drunk. Quite funny to compare this Jeongguk with the shy boy you met in the beginning of college but you were happy that he opened up to all of your friends and became a part of your group.

“Where do you know each other from?” Taehyung asked Namjoon, curiousity sparkling in his eyes.

“He stole Antonio’s job,” you sighed dramatically before Namjoon could answer, still not over your favorite delivery man being gone forever.

Taehyung playfully shook his head in disappointment, “You stole his job? not cool, man. Antonio was like our hero in bad, hungry times.”

“Always made sure we’re not starving,” Jeongguk joined the conversation.

“Also, he was kind of sexy, not going to lie,” Jimin joked from the couch, making you laugh a bit and Hoseok gag.

Namjoon threw his hands into the air as if he’s giving up a fight he didn’t even participate in. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sounded defeated, playing along with your shenanigans, “I understand I’ll never be him but I’m trying my best.”

Just in that moment Yoongi walked into the living room. His arm wrapping around your shoulder, the unexpected touch instantly letting you know that he was drunk because otherwise, he wouldn’t put his arm around you. Not that you minded, it was just something unusual for Yoongi.

“What’s going on here?” he asked, confusion written all over his face, “Who is Namjoon trying to compete with?”

“Apparently he took over Antonio's job,” Hoseok informed his boyfriend amused, “And now we’re mourning over the loss of our beloved Antonio.”

Yoongi knew that Namjoon just started a new job as a delivery guy and he also heard that Antonio got fired before, wondering where he knew that from. As he studied your face, you could see his brain working, putting one and one together.

He knew about Antonio from you. The memory of your conversation came back to his slightly intoxicated mind – you told him about Antonio being fired, but more importantly, you told him about your newest addition to the many men that you crushed on. No one else than the man who replaced Antonio. Which also meant, no one else than Namjoon.

His eyes widened and stared a hole into your soul. After being friends for so many years you two mastered the art of communicating with nothing but glances and his current face was asking you if you were actually talking about his friend on the phone a few days ago.

As you wondered where Yoongi knew that guy from and how in the world you never met him before, not even heard his name, you gave him a small, embarrassed nod followed by a slightly pleading glance back, begging him not to tell anyone.

You could tell he was trying not to burst out into laughter at the situation – of course, out of all the people in the world it had to be someone he knew. But at least he gave you an approving smile afterwards, almost as if to give you his blessing, something very rare. Most of the time Yoongi wasn’t a big fan of your crushes, not only because he knew you fell in love with a different stranger every other week but also because, in his opinion, you had a terrible taste when it came to men.

“Guys, (y/n) and Yoongi are doing their weird talking without talking thing again,” Jeongguk’s voice almost sounded annoyed, scrunching his nose a bit.

For a second you didn’t realize the tall figure that came over to you and Yoongi, his hands buried in the kangaroo pocket of his grey oversized hoodie in which you’d look very adorable, just saying.

Namjoon startled you a bit and you tried not to choke on your own spit as you noticed him.

“(Y/N), huh? Nice to meet you again, officially this time,” he gave you a soft smile and you felt pathetic for wanting to stare at him smiling forever, wondering how many girls were in love with him you bet he could have almost every girl looking like that.

Flashing him a cheeky smile, you nodded, “Nice to meet you too again, officially. I had no idea you know my friends.”

Hoseok stood up from the couch and interrupted the two of you, teasing you a bit, “Better get used to her. She doesn’t know how to cook, you’ll see her daily from now on.”

Scoffing, Yoongi shook his head, “Honestly, Namjoon might be an even worse cook than she is.”

Namjoon chuckled and in your mind you already knew once you were drunk enough and gathered enough confidence you had to poke your fingers in them.

“I have your number on speed dial,” you joked, a grin on your face.

“Living the unhealthy lifestyle I see,” Namjoon answered amused, “I can identify myself with that.”

Before you could continue talking to Namjoon, Jeongguk grew impatient beside you. He almost pouted while he dragged you back to the table, “We have a match to win, get your head in the game.”

And about twenty minutes later, you, Seokjin and Jeongguk were loudly celebrating victory with high-fives and hugs while Taehyung’s team was mourning over their loss.

“Next round!” Jeongguk annouced solemnly, “That is if you can handle another loss, Taehyung?”

Taehyung scoffed between his laughter, “I’ll crush you, Jeon Jeongguk, you just wait.”

“Your team has no chance against us,” Jeongguk laughed while refilling the empty cups with beer.

“You have to do without (y/n) though,” Hoseok announced from his space from the couch, “We have to snatch her away for a bit.”

Apologizing to a grumpy Jeongguk, you made your way to your two favorite people in the world, sitting down right beside Yoongi and Hoseok.

The shit-eating grin on both of their faces already gave them away and you knew exactly why they wanted to talk to you. Hoseok handed you a drink and you took it, knowing that you needed a bit more alcohol in your system for the upcoming teasing.

“So, you have your eyes on Namjoon I heard,” Hoseok giggled joyfully.

Glaring at Yoongi, you rolled your eyes, “I wonder who told you about that.”

Yoongi shrugged, with the same grin plastered on his face, “He’s a good guy, I know it doesn’t matter because you’re emotionally unable to have a real relationship but I would still support it.”

Hoseok hit Yoongi’s chest lightly, almost as if he was telling him not to be too mean to you even though everyone knew that you’d never talk without thick sarcasm to each other. Turning back to you, he raised his eyebrow before proposing, “I could easily set you up. I already have a plan in my head.”

You shook your head heavily, a short laugh escaping from you, “No, don’t worry. I don’t even know him, let me talk to him in peace first. I might come back to it though.”

Hoseok was known to be the matchmaker of your group – by now he must have tried to set up almost everyone of his friends with a pretty good success rate. But you prefered to take things into your own hands and he always respected that.

“So, are you over Jay?” Yoongi asked in a careful and caring tone, knowing it was still a sensitive topic.

And for a second the question caught you off guard. You weren’t over him yet, no, but you were at least wanting to get over it. That was at least something, right? 

“Not really yet,” letting out a deep sigh, you pressed your lips together a bit, “I’m working on it I guess.”

His eyes narrowed a bit as he was trying to figure out how you actually were doing, “And with that you mean you’re actually working on it or do you mean you’re getting drunk and eat too much junk food all the time?”

Despite you being reminded about your heartbreak you managed to crack a smile, “I don’t see any difference in those methods.”

“Namjoon,” before Yoongi could scold you, Hoseok suddenly started yelling, “Come over here for a second, will you?”

Panicking, your eyes widened, “What in the world do you think you’re doing?”

He gave you an amused glance, “God’s work.”

And within seconds, Namjoon was standing right in front of you, “Hi guys, what’s up?”

Hoseok gestured for him to sit down next to you on the small space left on the couch and he did as he was told, “Since you’re our pizza expert from now on we need you to help us resolve a burning question we have been discussing about for forever.”

Laughing, Namjoon’s attention was fully diverted to the three of you, “I wouldn’t call myself a pizza expert but I hope I can mediate.”

You rubbed your forehead, knowing exactly what Hoseok was on about, “Hoseok, don’t make him go through –“

He shushed you lovingly before you could finish, “Our little (y/n) right here claims that pineapple pizza is ordered as often as the classics just like peperoni pizza or ham pizza. And I say that’s bullshit. Pineapple pizza is not as popular as the classics, right?”

“To my defence,” you started, turning to Namjoon to tell him your point of view, “I never said that it deserves to be a classic. But I do believe that there’s a reason for the whole pineapple on pizza discussion and I think that reason is that a lot more people than you’d think actually enjoy it and they started fighting for pineapple on pizza rights.”

Yoongi was rubbing his temple in frustration, butting in, “They have fighting about this for two years now. Two whole years

Namjoon cackled at the heated discussion in front of him, before trying to put on a serious face, “Okay, I think I am the answer to your question. I definitely deliver as many pineapple pizzas as I deliver peperoni or ham pizzas. The only one that beats those three is a good old margherita.”

“HA! I told you so,” you teased Hoseok whose mouth stood wide open at the betrayal of his friend, “When will you learn that I am always right?”

Standing up, Hoseok chuckled while he shook his head in disbelief, “If you’d excuse me, I need a stronger drink to deal with this information.”

“You’re just a bad loser,” you yelled after him, celebrating your victory once again.

“Now I have to deal with his whiny ass, thank you very much,” Yoongi chuckled half-jokingly, half serious, “Good job, Namjoon. I better go after him.”

“I didn’t know that it was such a sensitive topic,” Namjoon laughed, almost feeling bad. You couldn’t help but notice how close he was sitting to you still. Yoongi and Hoseok for sure know how to set someone up even though you told them not to get involved, “Funny to see that Hobi is still bad at losing.”

“Hobi?” you asked curious, “I never heard someone calling him that before. Where does that come from?”

Namjoon was taking a sip of his drink before his eyes widened a bit, “I forgot that people don’t use that nickname for him anymore. We used to call him Hobi in middle school.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you’re a high school friend of his,” your face brightened, “Tell me what he was like in high school. I bet he was a handful.”

The boy beside you scrunched his face for a second and you made sure to save as much as you could to your mind, “He was just as happy and bright as today. We used to be super close but I left home when we went to college and yeah, now after graduating, I came back home.”

“Welcome back then,” you threw him a warm smile before holding up your cup, “Cheers to a new friend in the group.”

Both of you took a sip of your drink before Namjoon got a bit more comfortable on the couch, his back now resting against the pillows behind him and naturally manspreading a bit, enough to make you go insane inside.

Mirroring his actions, you leaned back too, tilting your body a bit towards his, body language making sure that no one got the idea to interrupt your conversation.

“How do you know Hobi?” Namjoon asked with curiousity in his eyes. It might be a thing he does with everyone but his attention seemed to be laying completely on you as you were talking, holding eye contact constantly.

“Yoongi and I have been best friends since our childhood and one day he introduced me to Hoseok with the words ‘This is my boyfriend. Oh, and also I’m bisexual’, I will never forget that,” you laughed, “Ever since then Hoseok and I became friends. He’s too good for Yoongi if you ask me.”

Namjoon seemed to be interested in whatever you were saying, even though you didn’t really say anything interesting. The two of you were talking about everything, your college degrees, he told you he is working as a delivery guy for now to take a break and next year he’ll start to work, you talked about the town and the people attending the party – it was easy talking to him but that might have been thanks to the alcohol.

The rest of the night was rather calm much to your liking, you spent some more time with Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon before you and Jeongguk decided to go home together because you lived in the same apartment complex.

You couldn’t help but think of Namjoon’s kind eyes all the way home, almost not listening to Jeongguk rambling about the boy was into (he wouldn’t say his name but all of your friends knew he was talking about Taehyung) because your mind was full of Hoseok’s best friend from high school.

Yoongi said that lately, you’ve been drinking alone a bit too often and you knew he was right – so once again, you were sitting on your couch but tonight, you didn’t feel half as sad as usually. The prosecco you were drinking made you feel giddy as you actually took care of yourself for once instead of crying your eyes out.

You almost felt good with the face mask sitting on your face for way longer than was recommended, your hair up in curlers as you were wearing your favorite pajama. The bedsheets you stole from your bedroom to cover you on the couch were freshly changed, your favorite playlist was blasting from the speakers and while cleaning earlier you found an old puzzle you were currently trying to finish.

And, on top of that, your favorite pizza was on its way, brought to you by no one else than the man that could possibly be the cure for your heartbreak.

You were surprised that you were in such a good mood. There were two possibilities: Either you were slowly going insane or you actually were getting better. Fingers crossed it was the second one.

As you were waiting for the pizza to arrive you finished the whole bottle of prosecco and you could feel the alcohol running through your veins when you got up after the door rang.

Taking step after step slowly, afraid you’d fall, you giggled to yourself. The way you were walking looked ridiculous, enough to make your drunk self laugh.

Opening the door, your smile grew as wide as it could when you saw Namjoon in front of you, his expression mirroring your own.

“Happy to see me?” he asked you, arching an eyebrow.

Nodding, you felt a hiccup coming up your throat, almost embarrassed when it came out but Namjoon’s chuckle told you that he found it rather cute.

“You always make my days better,” you sing-sang happily.

He was clearly amused by the state you were in, getting out the pizza for you, “Are you sure it’s me who makes them better or is it only the cause of my visits?”

You shrugged playfully, “It’s a mixture of both. But mainly, you’re right, it’s the greasy gift of god your visits are connected with.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a second, staring at your hair before another amused chuckle escaped his lips, shaking his head amused, “There’s a puzzle piece in your hair.”

Before you could do it, his hand was in your hair, fiddling with it a bit to free the piece out of it. Handing it to you, he let out a laugh – and you already thought his small chuckles were cute but the laugh of this man was on yet another level.

“Once again, you’re my knight in shining amour,” you smirked, the playful banter just adding to your positive mood, “I was looking for that, I was already frustrated because I was missing one piece.”

Namjoon’s eyes grew wide, a bit surprised, “You’re actually puzzling?”

“Well, where do you think that piece came from?”

Somehow, you noticed, Namjoon always had a soft expression on his face, as if he was admiring everything around him. It would be a privilege to be the one who gets to wake up next to that face.

“You’ve got a point there,” he nodded, “I just haven’t seen anyone puzzling in probably fifteen years.”

“What a shame, you should try it,” you told him, “I promise it’s fun.”

“So, you’re alone, drunk and puzzling all by yourself?” Namjoon seemed to be amused, “I can’t tell if that is the saddest or cutest thing I’ve seen in a while.”

You raised your eyebrow while biting down your lip in order not to laugh at his attempt of flirting and he panicked as soon as he realized what he just said, mumbling fastly, “I mean, I definitely have to try it again. I will for sure soon. You got me hooked on the idea now.”

Now you couldn’t help it but let a small chuckle escape, nodding your head, “I surely still have a few old puzzles lying around here somewhere. Why don’t you just text me and I’ll tell you when I found them. I’ll hand them down to you.”

Namjoon’s hand was nervously playing with the nape of his hair on his neck and you made a note in your head that apparently drunk and sober Namjoon were two completely different people. “I don’t have your number though.”

Still chuckling, you took out your pizza out of the delivery box yourself because Namjoon seemed to be too starstruck to do so, “You do. It’s on the delivery note.”

Embarrassed, he now let out a laugh too, “Oh, you’re right. Well, I’ll definitely make use of that then.”

Nodding, you started to close the door, “I sure hope so. Have a quiet and relaxing night, Namjoon.”

“You too,” he managed to say before you closed the door, “Enjoy your pizza.”

You were a smiling mess as you made your way back to the living room where the intro of the next episode of Gilmore Girls was playing and the next bottle of prosecco was waiting for you.

In your head you were replaying the little encounter, getting your pizza out of the plastic bag it was in – only to see yet another thing that made your heart melt.

On top of the box were two dips, one of them had a little sticky note attached to it.

[ Only an amateur like Antonio would put one extra dip. Real guys like me put two. Enjoy your meal, (y/n) :) ]

You giggled while taking a picture of the note and sending it to Yoongi in an instant to keep him updated.

Just as you hit the send button another message came in from an unknown number – Namjoon didn’t wait to text you and you thought that was very cute, you hated nothing more than guys thinking it’s cool to let someone wait for days before they texted.

[ Namjoon: What kind of puzzles do you have? I want a cool one with a Star Wars picture on it or something like that. P.s.: I hope I chose the right dips, if not let me know which ones you prefer.]

If you weren’t whipped for him yet now you surely were. He most likely didn’t care about puzzles one bit and had no actual desire to puzzle but if it was a good enough reason to keep up a conversation with him you would talk to him about puzzles for weeks.

[ You: I can offer you cute baby cats in a cup or one of those sunflower babys. I might have a Disney one somewhere but it had 2000 pieces.]

Not even three minutes later, Namjoon texted you back – making you wonder how in the world he was able to text you during work but you wouldn’t question it any further.

[ Namjoon: So what you’re saying is you don’t think I can handle 2000 pieces? Challenge accepted. And if I am not able to do it in the end I always can ask you for help right?]

If anyone told you that you and your delivery guy would be flirting while talking about puzzles together a few weeks ago you wouldn’t have believed them but you most definitely weren’t complaining – what an interesting guy.

“Happy birthday my baby,” Hoseok said as he hugged you tight. Right after that, Yoongi did the same, even giving you a pat on your head – you knew it was a special day when Yoongi showed you physical affection.

“Yeah, happy birthday you annoying angel,” Yoongi smirked, “I hope we’re the last ones to arrive.”

Of course they were. No matter where you were going, Yoongi was always the last person to arrive. He said it’s because it’s his ‘branding’ but you were pretty sure it was just him not being able to time anything right.

Everyone was already there – not that you invited a lot, just Jeongguk and Taehyung, Seokjin and his lovely girlfriend Mina, Jimin, your best friend Norah and last and also latest, Yoongi and Hoseok.

You wanted nothing more for your special day than just a small gathering with a bit of alcohol and a lot of fun, just talking and playing Mario Kart all night long like you all did back in college.

“Open our present,” Hoseok insisted while hanging up his and his boyfriend’s coat and you wouldn’t let him tell you twice.

Opening the envelope Yoongi unlovingly pressed into your hands when he entered your eyes went wide, a small gasp escaping your lips.

“No way,” you were more than surprised as you were holding four tickets to your favorite musical, “how did you convince Yoongi to agree?”

Shrugging, Hoseok send you a mysterious smile, “I have my ways. I can’t wait to go, we wanted to go for such a long time.”

Hugging both of them tightly, you even managed to press a kiss to Yoongi’s cheek, “Who’s the fourth ticket for though?”

“Up to you, it’s a double date, you’ll find some guy,” Yoongi shrugged before a mischievious spark found its way into his eyes, “Maybe you can return the favor to a certain someone who nowadays risks his jobs to sneak extra dips into your order?”

“Wait, what did I miss?” Hoseok asked you with wide eyes before turning to his boyfriend, “Are you keeping important information from me?”

You shook your head, immediately disagreeing, “It’s nothing. Namjoon just gave me extra dips when I ordered a few days ago, it’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Hoseok gasped, in his head he was already planning your wedding, “That’s so romantic. He kept in mind that Antonio always did it for you and now he’s doing the same for you. I never knew Namjoon could be such a romantic dude.”

You let out a laugh, amused by Hoseok’s reaction, “It’s just dip, Hoseok. We’re not getting married.”

“They are texting though,” Yoongi added fuel to the fire, “She sent me screenshots. He even used emojis.”

The grin on Hoseok’s face was now manifested as you were slowly making your way to the living room where the music was coming from and the others were already playing drinking games, “He never once used emojis with me.”

“Young love must be so beautiful,” Yoongi teased you as he was letting himself fall down on his usual spot on the couch. Sometimes you wondered why out of all the people he was destined to be your best friend.

Knowing how nosy your friends are, all of them were immediately bombading you with questions.

“Who is in love?” Jeongguk’s eyes darted up from the cards he was holding on his hand, panic in his eyes visible. Surely, he thought it was about him and Taehyung – it was an open secret that they had a thing for each other.

“Soon, it won’t be me if this loser right here keeps on losing at this game,” Seokjin nagged his girlfriend, giving her thigh a small squeeze.

Before you could say anything, Norah joined the others, “I can’t believe you’re in love and didn’t tell me anything about it. Finally over Jaehyun, thank god.”

Ouch. While you were doing better day by day you still didn’t have to be reminded of the guy who ghosted you recently on your birthday.

“Guys, our little (y/n) will soon be off the market,” Hoseok announced happily, “She and Namjoon are going straight towards the dating stage.”

You facepalmed yourself, shaking your head, “That is an absolute lie, guys. Don’t believe anything Hoseok says. I am very single right now and will continue to be in the future.”

“Sure,” Yoongi scoffed, filling an empty glass with some liquor that was standing around, “As if Hoseok will let that happen. Once his mind is set it’s over for you anyways. That’s how he got me too.”

“It would be very nice if stopped talking about my love life for now,” you playfully warned them with killing glances, “It’s my birthday, you have to listen to me after all.”

Jeongguk raised his glass, gesturing for everyone to do the same, “To our beloved (y/n). May the new year of her life be filled with fun, love and more sex than the last one.”

“God knows she needs it,” Seokjin yelled as all of your glasses clinked and you were gulping down the bitter liquor in your cup.

The night went by much to your liking: Filled with laughter, reminicising old memories, one of them including that one time Yoongi yeeted a full water bottle against your temple, drinking and the feeling of being together, right where you belonged.

Of course, Hoseok out of all people brought up the brilliant idea to order some pizza – not going to lie, despite the ulterior motive Hoseok definitely had, it would not have been a normal night if you didn’t get pizza at one point.

You were sure that everytime your friends were over at your place you ordered pizza, it was the most normal thing but with Hoseok’s sheepish grin as he ordered you suddenly felt like it wasn’t the best idea.

Seeing Namjoon in combination of him bringing something as delicious as pizza was a birthday present in itself but you just had a bad feeling about Hoseok already plotting something you couldn’t see coming right now in the back of his mind.

The door bell rang around 10.45, the evening just getting started and you were unable to open it, due to you being entangled between Seokjin’s and Norah’s limbs in a heated game of Twister that you were not willing to lose.

“Ask him to come too after his shift is over,” you ordered Hoseok as he was jumping up from his space on the couch to open it for you, “It would be rude not to ask.”

Hoseok scoffed, shaking his head, “You really think I wouldn’t have done that anyway?”

Namjoon was rather surprised to see Hoseok open the door but he figured out that there was a small gathering going on as soon as he heard the screams from the living room – luckily he wasn’t around to see you sandwiched between your friends after Seokjin decided he had enough of you two and just let himself fall on top of you with his whole weight crushing you.

“I was already worried as to why (Y/N) ordered seven pizzas tonight,” Namjoon let out a laugh as he greeted Hoseok with a fast handshake.

Hoseok knew that he couldn’t be too obvious with Namjoon about his plans – he was sure that he could get it to work between the two of you but he knew his oldest friend, he might be smart but he also was the clumsiest guy on earth, especially when it came to girls.

He chuckled, “It’s her birthday today, we’re celebrating in a small round.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened, instantly feeling bad for not knowing that today was your special day, “You should’ve told me. I would’ve texted her about it earlier then. Now it’s almost too late.”

Hoseok nodded, a suspicious smile on his lips, “I would have if you wouldn’t have kept it a secret from me that you’re talking to her in the first place.”

He offered Hoseok a helpless smile, almost apologetic, “Sorry, I forgot to mention it. We’re not even really talking. She just orders pizza a lot and I got her number from the delivery note.”

“Sure, sure,” Hoseok answered, making sure Namjoon knew that he didn’t believe him a single word, “No need to make excuses. She’s cute, I’m not blind. When do you get off today?”

Checking his watch for a second he didn’t notice you coming around the corner, “In fifteen minutes. You’re my last delivery, just have to bring back the car after this.”

“You should come over after,” his voice made him look up, almost seeming surprised to see you at your own home, “You can’t say no, it’s my birthday.”

He broke into a smile, nodding instantly, “Happy birthday, (y/n). I’ll see you in twenty, alright?”

“Don’t let me wait too long,” you almost sing-sang as you took a few of the pizza cartons from his hand, turning your back to him and Hoseok again as you walked to the living room.

Namjoon let out a frustrated sigh after you were gone when he saw the teasing glance of his friend.

“You’re whipped already dude,” Hoseok let out a laugh as he took the other pizzas, “See you in a few minutes. Be fast, I’ll make sure that she’s drunk when you arrive. She gets even chattier when she’s under the influence. I can’t wait for my newest project.”

As he came back and all of you sat around your living room table, ready to eat and chat and taking a break of the games you were playing you felt excited. It was embarrassing and probably childish but the thought of Namjoon coming over later made you feel almost giggly.

When the doorbell rang again you were quick to get up and make sure you were the one opening it.

You were still pretty sober and a part of you wanted it to stay that way just so you could take in Namjoon sober, not influenced by anything else.

But as you opened the door, you instantly knew that you actually might need more alcohol tonight than ever before.

“Jay,” your voice was thin and you had to clear your throat in order for it to come back, “What are you doing here?”

Instead of Namjoon’s face you were greeted with his and not only did you not want to see him, you also didn’t want to be reminded of him at all.

“It’s your birthday and I know it was mean of me to –” he started to explain, flowers and chocolate in his hand but you had to interrupt him. You just had to stop him from talking before you could allow him to hurt you again.

You might play around with Yoongi and claim you’re falling in love with every second pretty face you meet but the truth is that you barely ever let anyone in and Jay once again was the living proof on why you should keep it that way.

You liked him, you truly did – you could see yourself with him, in a serious and loving relationship. Jay and you had good sex, you could easily have a serious conversation with him in one second and then almost die of laughter in the next, you talked every single day, he called you before going to bed and everything seemed perfect.

Until one day, it didn’t. It all went down really fast – first he didn’t call anymore, the next day he barely responded to your texts, a few days later he didn’t even talk to you at all anymore.

You remember calling him drunk one night and he actually picked up for once only to tell you that you needed to respect his opinion. And you wanted to – you were the last one to run after a guy but the way he ghosted you just seemed unfair to you.

“Stop it, please,” you let out a long sigh, eyelids closing as you were trying to control the anger building in your stomach, “You have to leave right now.”

But you knew Jay and his stubborn self, he wouldn’t leave easily, “You don’t have to invite me in but please let me explain.”

Rubbing your temple in distress you almost considered hearing him out, almost got weak for a second. But then you thought about all the times you cried your eyes out over him, you got drunk and ate like shit and didn’t take care of yourself anymore, you were so lovesick you even skipped your friends’ parties and on the worst days you didn’t even have the energy to answer their texts.

You were still hurting, still wondering about why you weren’t good enough and how he could leave so easily when you were having such a hard time to get over him but that didn’t mean you were weak.

Just because it still hurt didn’t mean you had to hear him out.

Wrinkles formed on Jaehyun’s forehead as he desperately tried to get your attention, “Give me one more chance.”

Luckily, the anger overpowered the sadness inside of you as you heard those words out of his mouth. For weeks you were longing to hear those words and go back to normal but that was no more.

“Are you completely insane?” your eyes widened furiously, your nails lightly pressing itself into the palm of your hands, “How dare you come here on my birthday and act like this? After all you’ve done.”

Jay nodded, his hand trying to get ahold of your shoulder to make you look at him but you didn’t let him touch you. “I know I sound insane but I can’t be without you.”

A scoff was all you could offer him as an answer, not believing that he had the balls to say stuff like that, “Go get some help, Jay.”

Before he could say anything, you heard Yoongi’s sarcastic chuckle from behind you, also not believing his eyes, “Everything okay (Y/N)?”

“Yoongi,” Jay almost sounded relieved to see him, “Help me out here. I’m trying to own up to my mistakes.”

Yoongi shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t seem to be as mad as you but he clearly was taking your side, “Dude, you have to let it go. You can’t just come here and make a scene.”

As if the situation at hand wasn’t bad enough, Hoseok came up from behind you at the same time Namjoon was walking to your door behind Jay.

With each passing second everything just seemed to become messier. Hoseok didn’t hate Jay, you were sure Hoseok was not even able to feel hate towards someone, but after all he did to you he certainly wasn’t very fond of him.

And what he disliked even more was someone putting stones in his way as he was trying to set you up with someone who he was sure would treat you way better than Jay ever could.

“Namjoon, thank god you’re here,” Hoseok’s voice sounded hopeful, “Jay, it’s time to leave. As you can see, you’re not needed anymore. Goodbye.”

Namjoon clearly was beyond perplexed as to what was going on – it was like he walked straight into a battlefield. He didn’t know you very well but you were clearly angry, the unfamiliar guy standing in the doorframe next to him the reason for it.

Putting one and one together fast, Namjoon understood what Hoseok meant.

“Hello,” with a fake smile, he greeted the stranger next to him, “I have no idea who you are but judging the glances (Y/N) is throwing you you’re not very welcomed.”

You were thankful that Namjoon came to your rescue – Jaehyun would not have shut up if Yoongi or Hoseok told him to but a complete new face telling him that he better should leave had an impact on him.

Stepping past him and inside Namjoon wrapped his arm around your shoulder as an obvious statement towards Jay and threw you a small, reassuring smile, “Happy birthday once again, should we go inside and have a nice evening now? Or do you still want to talk to him?”

You made a note in the back of your mind, making sure to thank Namjoon for saving you later. Who knows what the outcome would have been if he didn’t play along?

“No, let’s go,” you nodded as the four of you were turning around to leave Jay at the doorstep.

“(Y/N), you know I love you right?” you heard Jay yell after you as a last try to make you change your mind but Yoongi was quick to shut the door behind him, not having Jay’s shit anymore.

You came to a halt in your hall as Namjoon’s arm left your shoulder – you didn’t want to cry but you could feel your nose tingling and hot tears coming to you eyes as you heard him say those three words.

For a second you were unable to move, in complete shock and before you knew it, some of the tears were rolling down your face. It wasn’t like you were crying heavily, you just spilled some tears and you promised yourself right then and there that those tears would be last ones you ever cry for him.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to say with a shaking voice.

“Sorry for what?” Yoongi chuckled, wiping the tears out of your face, “For wasting so much time on a jerk like him? It’s okay, we forgive you.”

You let out a small laughter through the tears, followed by a deep breath before turning to Namjoon. What bugged you the most was that he had to witness all of that.

“Thank you for having my back there,” you told him and only saw Yoongi and Hoseok sneaking away in the corner of your eyes to once again leave you two to talk alone, “I feel a bit embarrassed to be honest.”

Namjoon shook his head reassuringly, his hand on your arm as an offer of comfort, “Nothing to be ashamed of. Whoever that guy was, and I am assuming he is or was more than a friend to you, he seemed like an asshole.”

“Was,” you informed him immediately, “Was more than a friend. The only thing he is, present tense, is just another regret of mine.”

Nodding, Namjoon looked into your eyes and offered you a smile, “Are you okay?”

“A bit hurt and agitated but more than ready to move on,” you answered him, the corners of your mouth turning into a smile.

“Good,” he chuckled before pulling you into a hug, “I didn’t get to properly congratulate you yet. You could’ve told me your birthday was coming up, now I had no time to think of a present for you.”

Waving him off, you were about to assure him that he didn’t need to get you anything at all but before you could he was already getting a small package out of his bag.

“I can’t believe you still got me something,” you lectured him but he shushed you immediately.

“Just take it and open it. It’s just something very small but I saw it at the gas station on my way here and just had to get it for you.”

You could feel your heart melting already as he gave you the present but when you opened it and realized what it was, you swear your heart was melting away like butter in the sun.

A genuine laugh bursted out from you, “A puzzle and a bottle of wine. You just gifted me a perfect evening.”

You hugged him once again, thanking him for the present. It might have been something small but the meaning behind it was big. It was thoughtful, clever, cute and actually useful. Maybe even your favorite present of the evening, right after Yoongi’s and Hoseok’s that is.

“I got the biggest one they had so if you need help with it you just have to text me,” his voice was nothing more than a mumble as he was still embracing you. Well played, Kim Namjoon.

“Oh, believe me, I will.”

No matter how much you promised yourself not to let it get to you, Jay was not giving up. Calls, texts, flowers delivered to your door. He was putting in effort and even though you appreciated it, you told him more than once that you’ll not come back.

It’s been like this ever since your birthday five days ago. A part of you was curious as to what changed in his mind for him to go back and fight for you now but you knew as soon as you let him explain you would let him in again – and letting him in again was something you desperately wanted, and needed to avoid.

So, you fell down your hole again – it was exhausting and draining to act like everything was fine when you felt confused and hurt inside.

“Don’t cry too much, will you promise me?” Yoongi asked you from the other side of the phone.

You let out a sad chuckle, “I won’t promise. I’ll bawl my eyes out tonight. I’m in the mood for crying.”

Your best friend wasn’t very quiet about how much he hated seeing you like this. It was his way of showing you he cares. He checked in with you and told you you’re a helpless mess, trying to cheer you up in his own way, “Well, then you go and be a crybaby over a guy that doesn’t even deserve you. I tried.”

You laughed at his salty words, knowing he didn’t mean them, “Why am I even friends with you?”

“Been asking myself the same question for years,” he nagged you, “I have to go now. Stop sulking, get over that loser and then distract yourself with that cute delivery guy you always talk about. Bye.”

You haven’t seen Namjoon ever since your birthday but you were texting each other every now and then. Namjoon wasn’t stupid though, he knew you were having your own problems to deal with right now, not even trying to flirt with you as long as you were struggling.

There you were, sitting in your flat all alone, not knowing what to do with yourself. The most likely option was going to bed, crying your eyes out and craving for someone to hold you. That also was the most pathetic option but you stopped caring a long time ago.

Just as you were washing your face and brushing your teeth to get ready to go to bed, even though it wasn’t even that late yet, you heard the door bell ring, ignoring it. You weren’t expecting anyone and the possibility of Jay standing outside was way too high.

What you didn’t expect was another familiar voice yelling for you, “Delivery for (y/n). I know you’re home. Your light is on, idiot.”

You fastly walked over to the door and were surprised to see Namjoon in front of you, a pitying smile on his face. It was a terrible thought for him to see you like that.

By now you knew Namjoon well enough to know that he was the last one to judge you for going through a hard time but you still hated that he probably thought you were an emotional wreck (didn’t matter that he was very right with that).

“I didn’t order anything,” you said a bit startled, not knowing what was going on.

Shrugging, he handed you a paper bag, “I know but that’s the perk of being friends with a delivery guy. Surprise deliveries.”

You almost pouted because you were so touched by Namjoon taking care of you, “You really didn’t have to.”

A grin appeared on his face, the beautiful sight of his dimples making your chest hurt a bit. Namjoon seemed to be the perfect guy, right in front of you, but you couldn’t stop mourning over some idiot, “I wanted to. Plus, I missed you.”

What pissed you off the most was that you were doing better without Jay and then he had to show up and make you fall back to square one.

You smiled at Namjoon, a genuine smile, not one of the many fake ones you had to pull off over the last few days, “You’re too good to me.”

Namjoon would be willing to do almost anything to just get a genuine smile from you. He talked to Hoseok about it a few days ago and realized that his friend was right – for whatever reason, he was more than interested in the human form of a walking disaster that stood in front of him.

A part of him knew from the beginning but the more he got to know you, the more he got to appreciate your little quirks and flaws.

As you thanked him once again after a bit of small talk you let him go back to work and sat down on the bed to see what Namjoon brought you - your stomach was growling like crazy, you didn’t even realize how hungry you were. Thank god you have a Namjoon to take care of you.

The bag had a whole pot of ice-cream, two bottles of wine and a little note in it.

[ Cry it all out & cheer up soon. Until then, here’s some comfort in the form of food and alcohol for you. ]

Your stomach was tingling reading the little message – a small pout appeared on your lips, feeling both touched by Namjoon’s cute gesture and also miserable because you wanted to over Jay already.

Not only did you want to forget Jay, even more you wanted to completely fall in love with Namjoon. You wanted to experience what kissing him would be like and being held by him at night and also waking up next to him in the morning.

And with that mindset, you swallowed down your tears, shook any thought regarding Jay out of your mind and finally blocked his number. It was about time to do that. If only Yoongi was here to witness that moment, he sure would have been proud.

It was only 11.25 p.m. – you swore it felt like the middle of the night as you checked your phone, slightly annoyed.

But after turning around in your bed for several hours, you gave up on the idea of sleep. You weren’t even tired in the first place, you just wanted this miserable day to end.

If you couldn’t fall asleep you at least could waste your time with something more fun than staring at the ceiling and overthinking every single thing you have ever done in your life.

And oh, what a peaceful night this could’ve been, full of sleep and nice dreams – if only you didn’t decide to start the puzzle Namjoon gifted to you.

This man really bought the most complicated one he could’ve found, about seventy percent of it consisting of very dark to black pieces.

Puzzling was supposed to be a stress reliever but right then you just wanted to throw it against the nearest wall, not even nearly finished with the frame even after two hours.

Getting your phone out of your pocket, you opened your messages with Namjoon.

[ You: Kim Namjoon, I am goin to kill you fr. ]

[ Namjoon: OH? What did I do now? ]

[ You: This puzzle is making me go insane, you better get your ass over here and help me with it just like you promised. ]

[ Namjoon: Won’t let you tell me twice, give me twenty minutes and don’t be mad at me, we’ll finish this together ♥ ]

You had no idea what came over you, inviting Namjoon to spend some time with you alone wasn’t something you planned on doing this soon but the texts were sent before you could think about them twice.

A mixture of nervousness and excitement formed in the pit of your stomach, almost regretting inviting him over.

But not even an hour later all the nervousness vanished and was replaced with something you haven’t felt in a long time – genuine fun with a guy you liked.

“Are you blind?” you asked laughing, “You can’t just press a piece in if it doesn’t fit, that’s not how it works.”

Namjoon was laughing too now, rubbing his temple in pain, “Didn’t you say puzzling was fun and relaxing? This is one of the worst things I did in a long time.”

“I promise, it’s fun usually. You just happened to gift me the hardest puzzle to exist,” you teased him, loving how easy talking to Namjoon was. This was the first time you two were together alone and still there was no sign of it being awkward or uncomfortable.

The two of you were joking around, the TV playing in the background but both of you were too concentrated on the puzzle, and also each other to even pay attention to it.

“I’m hungry,” you almost sounded whiny as you were looking for a specific piece you swear you saw just a minute ago, “Let’s order something from Piero’s pizza.”

A small gasp came out of Namjoon’s mouth, “You actually like our pizza? I always thought you’re just ordering that often because you wanted to see me.”

“You’re confident I see,” as a small laughter escaped your lips as you shook your head, “But I have to dissapoint you. Piero’s pizza is the best pizza in town.”

“You have terrible taste,” Namjoon was clearly not agreeing with you, his eyebrows narrowed, “I knew even someone like you has to have a flaw.”

Laughing at his cheesy remark, you decided to still order from his workplace, no matter what he said - this was your house and in that house you love and support Piero’s pizza place.

It was around one in the morning when your and Namjoon’s heartfelt laughter while eating pizza and talking about just anything that came to your mind was interrupted by the loud and annoying sound of your doorbell. By now you were close to just turning it off so you wouldn’t have to deal with Jay’s attempts anymore.

Expecting the worst, you shook your head in disbelief and mumbled, “This guy really has some nerves, showing up in the middle of the night.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows knitted together, instantly understanding who was on the other side of the door. He felt a weird feeling of being uncomfortable rushing over him.

Not because he actually felt uncomfortable with you, no, he loved every second you spend together – the thought of you maybe giving in to Jay again after all was what caused the turmoil in his stomach.

He knew it wasn’t right to feel like this, some might even say he was jealous but he couldn’t help it. Of course, he himself was aware that the two of you were nowhere near being more than friends, you barely even were friends in the first place. Namjoon was sure that to you, he was nothing more than a friend of a friend and per chance also the delivery guy of your go-to pizza place.

But Namjoon wanted it to be more so bad – he could barely explain why he had this strong urge to make you like him, why he was so interested in you in the first place. It was like an instinct of his body to try to keep you as close as possible, as if something inside of him was screaming at him to make you his.

“Should I open it?” he suggested and you looked at him with curiousity in your eyes, “Maybe if he thinks you have a new guy he’ll stop bugging you.”

You considered his offer for a second but you knew Jay well enough – Jay was too stubborn to give up and also too clever to not see right through it.

Declining his offer you pressed your lips into a thin line, “That’s very nice of you but as long as you’re not opening the door with messy hair and in boxershorts I doubt he’ll buy it. It’s 1 A.M. and a boyfriend wouldn’t wear perfectly styled hair or nice tight jeans.”

Namjoon let out a laugh, agreeing with what you said – if he was more than a friend the two of you certainly wouldn’t be dressed and sitting on the couch while puzzling at this ungodly hour.

As the doorbell rang again, you took a deep breath before yelling towards the door, “Just a second.”

Just as you were about to get up and face the idiot on the other side of the door, Namjoon stopped you.

“Just how much does this guy bug you?” he asked you.

Rubbing your temple, you let out a sigh, “I wish he would just finally stop trying. I don’t know what else I should tell him to make him stop.”

“Got you,” he then said, getting up from the couch. You weren’t sure what to expect but it certainly was nowhere near what Namjoon had in mind.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he almost sounded embarrassed, ears bright red as he pulled his hoodie over his head, a white basic shirt underneath it. Next he started to open his belt, making your eyes grew wide, “Please act like this never happened afterwards okay?”

Namjoon was stripping down his pants in front of you and it was hard to say which one of the two of you had redder cheeks. A part of you wanted to look away, the other one wanted to stare and save every second of it in the back of your mind for lonelier days. His thighs looked stone hard and your mind was filled with unholy things.

You couldn’t help but laugh lightly when his pants dropped down to the floor, in front of you a Namjoon only in boxershorts and a shirt, “I absolutely owe you one.”

He waved you off, shaking his head, “Don’t worry. I just wouldn’t have thought you’d see me only in my boxershorts tonight.”

As he was walking to the door and out of sight, the smile on your face grew wider and wider. The inappropiate thoughts rushing through your mind not helping the adrenaline in your body to calm down very soon.

You almost felt like a giddy teenager again who was about to experience her first kiss. Except for that you were an adult and you were nowhere near getting kissed - you were most likely just reading too much into the situation but you still allowed your mind to do so.

“Namjoon?” you heard a familiar voice, one that definitely was not Jaehyun’s from the door, sounding more than confused.

“Oh god,” you then heard Namjoon mumble under his breath, getting up fastly to see what kind of scenario was going down on your front door.

You were surprised with two pair of eyes, wide wide open, looking at you and Namjoon. The little smirk on Yoongi’s lips gave away that he was enjoying the awkward moment a bit too much and Hoseok’s laughter a few moments later made you let out a breathe you didn’t know you were holding.

“This is absolutely not what it looks like,” you promised, now standing next to Namjoon, “What are you even doing here?”

“We wanted to accompany your depressed ass,” Yoongi said with the widest gummy smile of him you’ve seen in a long time, “But I see you’re doing just fine without us.”

Namjoon closed his eyes in frustration, knowing exactly that the two of them will never let you live this moment down, “Why don’t you come in?”

Hoseok’s voice was higher than usual, a teasing tone in it, “You sure we’re not disturbing anything? We can leave you two lovebirds alone.”

Now also frustrated, you threw your head back, shaking your head, “Stop being a pain in the ass and come inside.”

So, there you were a few moments later, Yoongi and Hoseok sitting on your couch opposite of you and a still half naked Namjoon. It almost felt like your parents caught you with a boy in the house and now made you have the most awkward talk you probably could have.

Breaking the silence, Yoongi raised his eyebrow at you, “Glad you’re getting laid again.”

In an instant you threw him a warning glance, shushing him, “I’m going to kill you if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“Why are you so tense about it?” Hoseok asked curious yet the smile never left his lips, “We were rooting for you anyways.”

“We weren’t having sex or anything like that,” Namjoon started to explain to his friends what happened. He told them that the two of you texted each other every now and then, about the food he brought you earlier, you asking him to come over, the two of you just puzzling and drinking wine up to the point where you thought Jaehyun was on the other side of the door.

“That’s all that happened,” you hold your hands up as if you were pleading not guilty, “No sex, no making out, not even holding hands.”

Your friends looked at each other, still with suspicious smiles and mischief in their eyes.

“What is there to smirk about now?” you almost whined, not wanting to discuss this awkward situation any longer.

As much as you loved your friends, you just wanted them to leave again. Namjoon and you were just getting to know each other and god knows how much teasing from these two he could take.

The evening was so much fun and you were sure that Namjoon and you could go into the direction you wanted to, if only your friends didn’t decide to cockblock you.

“Nothing, nothing,” Hoseok assured you, shrugging lightly, “But just so I got this right: The two of you were hanging out alone, in your apartment, late in the evening, drinking wine together, right?”

“That’s a date,” Yoongi finished what Hoseok was trying to say, “Maybe not an intentional one but surely you wouldn’t just do that with any other guy.”

Protesting, you pointed your finger at the couple in front of you, “You’re wrong. I would certainly love to spend a wine night with you alone. Or Hoseok.”

Hoseok let out a laugh, shaking his head, “But we’re both in a relationship. A homosexual one, that is.”

“Just saying,” Yoongi shrugged, already knowing that he was right, “You wouldn’t spend your evening like this with Jeongguk or Jimin. But with our Namjoon here things are different, right?”

You wanted to disagree, wanted to put him in his place and make him lose this argument. You wanted to discuss this with him until you swiped off that shit-eating grin of his face so bad. But you couldn’t.

Not a single good response came to your mind to disprove him and instead, you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks.

Hoseok let out an excited shriek of joy, nodding heavily, “You’re speechless! Speechless because Yoongi is right.”

“Guys, why don’t we just –” Namjoon started, trying to de-escalate the situation like the peacemaker he was but he had no choice, Hoseok interrupting him only a second after he opened his mouth.

“Don’t you even think we’ll be only picking on (Y/N),” he started, making himself more comfortable on the couch as a sign of him not planning to leave before he enjoyed every single moment of this situation, “Let’s talk about you then, Namjoon.”

“I’d rather not,” he mumbled under his breath before sighing. He knew just as good as you that once Hoseok started to tease, he won’t stop until he wanted to.

“We’ve known each other for so many years,” Hoseok was clearly enjoying this way too much, the amusement and sarcasm in his voice thick, “Yet not once have I seen you do something you’re not allowed to, just like taking a detour to deliver food to a girl’s house for example.”

“You’re cruel,” Namjoon stated in response, knowing there was nothing he could say.

Both of you were just enduring right then, hoping it won’t become awkward between you two after the others are gone again.

“I’m just saying it’s cute that the two of you are getting closer,” Hoseok pouted, acting like the angel he sometimes can be, “You look good together. You obviously are attracted to each other and you’re getting closer, we all know which direction this is going and I think that’s great. Our (Y/N) only had bad luck with guys but you’re a good guy, I know you’d treat her right because I’ve known you for years but have never seen you look at someone the way you look at her.”

Yoongi chuckled as his glance met yours, the expression on your face clearly begging him to set an end to this because if anyone can stop Hoseok it would be him.

“I think we caused enough trouble,” Yoongi told his boyfriend, taking his hand in his own before gesturing towards the floor with his head, “Let’s let them have their date in peace, what do you think?”

Hoseok’s bright and shining smile turned into a soft one as soon as he felt Yoongi’s hand on his, the excited idiot becoming the loving boyfriend he is around Yoongi immediately.

No matter how much you wanted to kill Hoseok, it always made your heart melt to see the two of them like this. Their behavior towards each other was so full of love, the vitamin and the grumpy old man in front of you were still as smitten for each other as they have been since the start. If you ever would feel like this towards someone, you surely won in life.

As he got up and walked towards the door he couldn’t help but tease his friend one last time, knowing very well himself just how much he annoyed the two of you, “Stay in boxershorts, I know our (Y/N), it’ll make her go crazy – she loves thighs.”

Namjoon let out a laugh in the same moment you threw a pillow towards him, Hoseok’s fast reflexes making him duck in an instant so the pillow didn’t hit him but the plant behind him.

“Out!” you yelled at your friend but a small chuckle still escaped from you – it was almost maniac, “You terrible human being.”

As soon as you heard the door close behind them shortly after, you felt your tense body finally relax again, letting yourself fall down on the couch behind you, your eyes fixated on the ceiling, “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”

Namjoon didn’t seem to mind all that much. He mirrored your actions, allowing his back to rest against your couch, in the space right next to you.

You could feel him shrug beside you without having to look at him, his broad shoulders only slightly brushing yours as he did so, “They weren’t completely wrong.”

No, they really weren’t. Actually, they were spot on – at least with the things they said about you. You would even go as far as saying they might have opened your eyes a little bit more.

While you were aware before that you thought of Namjoon as someone rather attractive, someone you definitely could fall for at one time in your life you didn’t realize how fast you let him in already, despite only knowing him for a short time.

Every single word Yoongi said was true and you hated how well he knew you.

The anxiety you felt during the conversation with your friends was completely gone when you realized how relaxed Namjoon was beside you. You feared he would start to feel uncomfortable, maybe even want to leave because of it but there you were, both of you drained from Hoseok’s teasing but at least without a weird tension between the two of you.

Namjoon letting out a scoff made you divert your attention from the ceiling to the man beside you - it was near shocking to see how close he was lying next to you, his face only centimeters away from your own, “What’s so funny?”

His glance shifted towards you, a smile that one could describe as almost silly-looking on his face, “Seems like we’re having a date, huh?”

“Seems like we are,” immediately you started smiliing widely, nodding your head, “Without us even knowing.”

Namjoon started to move around to lay on his side, his head propped on one elbow so he could look at you better, his whole attention on you, “If I’d ask you out on a real date, would you say yes?”

“Well, that depends on what a date with Kim Namjoon involves,” you arched an eyebrow, the playful tone in your voice making you sound way more relaxed than you were actually feeling inside.No, you were not feeling calm or cool, you felt your stomach tingling and your heart beating. The side effects of being next to Namjoon.

“Definitely not Pizza from Piero’s,” he laughed, making you do the same.

The annual campfire party of your friendgroup was the highlight of every year. It all started around four years ago when Hoseok first invited your group of friends to camp in his parents yard - back then you all were wondering why you should camp in a simple backyard but as soon as you first arrived you knew exactly why.

Not only did Hoseok’s parents have a massive yard, it also looked like the biggest cottagecore inspired movie scene you’ve ever seen with big, tall trees everywhere, wildflowers decorating the whole place and the coziest fireplace right next to an old shed, used to store tools and, once a year used for someone to make out in it while the rest of you were living your best camplife.

Ever since then you loved Hoseok’s campfire parties and this year you were even more excited because you had high hopes of ending up in Namjoon’s tent tonight.

“Turn left right there,” you navigated Namjoon who was kind enough to pick you up, “We’re almost there.”

“I know where Hoseok’s parents live, you don’t have to tell me,” Namjoon chuckled, clearly amused by your excitement, “How many people are coming?”

“Not that many,” you informed him, “Just the usual guys from our squad, their girlfriends and dates. No outsiders.”

“Leaves me wondering if I am part of the squad now or just your date,” he joked around.

Shrugging, you threw him a cheeky smile, “Depends on which one you prefer.”

He threw his head back while laughing, his dimple popping and you swore that you could never get enough of this view. By now you were whipped for Kim Namjoon and the two of you haven’t even kissed yet - it was almost scary to think how weak he could make you once you pass the flirting stage.

“I hope to be a bit of both,” he shyly admitted, making you smile instantly, “But you know, it takes two to be on a date. What do you think?”

“A date it is then,” you proudly said as he was parking the car.

As soon as you stepped out of the car you heard Jeongguk’s loud laugh alongside the music that was blasting from the backyard. Namjoon insisted on carrying not only his tent but also yours, being the stubborn gentleman he was.

“Oh, look who’s coming,” Hoseok annouced with his cup raised as he spotted the two of you, “Our two lovebirds.”

“Ay ay, such a pretty couple,” Jeongguk yelled and you wondered how he already managed to sound tipsy despite the evening just starting.

“You all have to shut your big mouthes,” you laughed as you approached your friends, all of them already sitting around the big fire in the middle on their camping stools, “Always making a big deal out of nothing.”

But once again they weren’t too wrong, were they? You noticed the way he sat down right next to you, a bit closer than he needed to be, the way he moved as soon as you moved, tense around each other, not because it was awkward but because both of you wanted to be ready for the other one.

It was already starting to get dark outside when finally everyone invited was there, everyone busy with something. A few people were setting up the tents, you and Seokjin's girlfriend were busy preparing some food while Namjoon and Yoongi tried to set up the big fire in the middle of the garden, tons of camping chairs gathered around it.

"So, how are things going between the two of you?" She asked you, not able to contain her big grin, "Are you still in denial about the fact that you're into each other?"

Throwing your head back, frustration was written all over your face, "I don't even know anymore. We're always flirting and like each other obviously but I think he doesn't want to pressure me because of the whole Jay dilemma."

"Well, I see how that can be frustrating but on the other hand that is very considerate of him, isn't it?" She had a point, you knew she does. He just wanted to be sure you're ready and you're comfortable but how in the world could you signal him that you were indeed more than ready?

As you stepped outside again, Namjoon was greeting you with a wide smile, gesturing you to sit down next to him. Jeongguk and Taehyung already had taped cans of beer to their hand and the music was playing loudly in the background as a few people of the group were talking about old memories from college.

Like every time, the atmosphere was cozy - the fire was keeping you warm and the stars were twinkling bright as you looked up. You loved those moments, they always made you feel peaceful. Seeing all of your dear ones together, having fun without a worry in the world warmed up your heart, you knew in the moment that you were making memories. Not to mention the special feeling of having someone next to you who you liked so much, he made your heart beat faster.

"Are you okay?" Namjoon whispered for only you to hear and you saw how for a second his hand was hovering just above your knee but he stopped himself - you wish he didn't, "You're unusually quiet."

Not thinking about it you put your hand on top of his, making his own hand rest on your thigh. It felt surprisingly easy and right to have it there, as if it belonged there.

Looking over to him, you leaned closer to reassure him, "I'm just enjoying the moment. It's nice to be here, with you."

He didn't have to say anything for you to know that he was feeling the same - the soft and calm smile was reassuring enough.

The party was in full swing when you decided to leave it for a bit, walking over to the part in the back of Hoseok’s garden, where everything was quiet, the only sounds coming from your friends that were playing games behind the tents but they were too far away for you to understand what they were talking about.

You didn’t have to turn around to know that the audible footsteps approaching you belonged to Namjoon; who else would come looking for you while there was a party going on only a few meters away?

He sat down beside you, his green oversized hoodie in combination with the grey beanie he was wearing were making him look so soft you wanted to bury your face in the soft fabric of the hoodie.

The dimpled smile he gave you even more managed to make your heart skip a beat and you were sure your knees would become weak if you weren’t sitting already.

“Is the party boring to you or why did you decide to flee?” he asked you, his legs crossed beside you as both of you were sitting a little bit too close to each other on Hoseok’s lawn, away from the middle of the party. For the first time in the evening it was just you and Namjoon, the rest of your friend hidden behind the many tents that were your home for the night. You wanted to be alone with him more than anything.

“No, that’s not it,” you reassured him as your eyes met and you almost felt shy, “I hoped for a certain someone to follow me so we could have some time to talk alone, away from all those drunk idiots.”

“Oh, should I tell Yoongi to come over then?” He joked, obviously knowing that you had no desire at all to talk to Yoongi right now – by now Namjoon knew that you enjoyed his company just as much as he enjoyed yours and even though you still were very careful about stepping out of the friendzone, you felt like you were slowly walking towards the dating-zone.

You playfully hit his chest as you laughed, “Don’t you dare to leave. I won’t let you.”

“What are you gonna do?” he scoffed, teasing you in the most playful way possible, “Run after me? Tackle me? You think you have a chance against me?”

“Probably not,” you agreed with him, “But I could always make you stay with a woman’s weapon.”

“Well, good for me that I didn’t plan on leaving again anyways,” he chuckled, the situation a tiny bit awkward because there you were – just you and Namjoon, all alone, alcohol in your veins and an obvious attraction towards each other.

By now it was safe to say that you liked Namjoon a little bit more than you would’ve expected but how couldn’t you fall for the pretty boy with a soft and kind heart?

You realized a while ago that Namjoon was the full package – he was funny and kind and cared about you, he checked in with you whenever you felt like shit and he even dealt with Hoseok’s constant bickering and teasing about the two of you. He helped you when Jay was bothering you, he listened to the small things you told him and remembered them, all in all he seemed to be the closest to a perfect human being you’ve ever met.

It was almost too good to be true but there he was, right beside you, eyes on you and you only.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” you asked him a bit shy, knowing that you had to ask him sooner or later, “I’m actually afraid of the dark.”

“Are you sure that’s the reason why?” Namjoon chuckled, “Not because you want to share the night with me?”

You rolled your eyes, acting offended, “Don’t think too highly of yourself. If you’re acting like this I’m gonna go and sleep in Jeongguk’s tent again, let me just ask him real quick.”

As you tried to get up Namjoon wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you right back in with full power, making you fall into his arms. “Smooth,” you smiled up at him before daring to lay your head down in his lap.

“If you think I’m gonna let you sleep in Jeongguk’s tent you’re insane,” he chuckled as he was looking down to where you were laying, his hand carefully stroking your hair out of your face, “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” you softly answer, a grin on your face. Of course, Namjoon was right  –  you wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him, god knows you wanted that since forever but you also weren’t lying when you said you were afraid of the dark.

“(Y/N)?”, Namjoon’s voice went quiet and he looked a bit worried, wrinkels appearing on his forehead, “Since we agreed that this is bascially a date I need to ask you a question.”

You just nodded, wondering what was heavy on his mind.

“This Jay guy,” he started and you felt your whole body tense up at the mention of his name, “Do you still have feelings for him?”

A sigh escaped your lips, meaning every word you were about to say, “Not at all. I don’t have feelings for any guy except maybe the cute delivery guy with the dimpled smile that always gives me an extra dip.”

Namjoon’s worried expression was washed away in a second, a laughter escaping his lips, “I sure hope you are not talking about Antonio.”

Both of you were laughing now as you were getting up from Namjoon’s lap again to sit beside him, your face facing his.

“I truly do like you (Y/N). I think I knew from the first time you opened the door, drunk and with mascara running down your face.”

You chuckled, nodding, “It’s not fair, you’ve seen me at my worst and I’ve only ever seen you at your best. Do you not have any bad days, Kim Namjoon?”

“Well, I was in a pretty bad mood when I thought you might go back to that jerk but besides that, I think I’m always close to perfect,” he teased you, his fingers busy with putting a stand of your hair behind your ear.

And there it was, the moment before. Both of you were thinking the same, your faces too close to each other and his hand on your cheek to obvious to deny it, and even if that wasn’t obvious enough, Namjoon’s glance down to your lips said it all.

It was the perfect moment, the weather was fine, Namjoon looked and smelled as good as ever, you were both a little tipsy with a full party going on in the back that you ditched – but all of those things didn’t even matter anymore as soon as you felt Namjoon’s lips on yours, the warm feeling of it rushing through your whole body.

His hand was holding the side of your neck, his fingers tangled in your hair as the soft kiss between the two of you felt addicting and you wouldn’t mind if this never ended.

It didn’t take long until your kiss turned into a full make out session, you on top of his lap as he held you close,

“Namjoon,” you softly interrupted him between the kisses but he didn’t care, he just wanted to kiss you for the next hour or two.

“Namjoon,” you once again interrupted him even though you didn’t want to, making him stop the kiss and rest his forehead against yours.

“Mhh?” he asked you with his eyes closed, enjoying the moment, “What’s wrong?”

“Hoseok and Yoongi are watching us.”

Only a second later you heard the two of them screaming and hollering, making Namjoon groan in frustration.

“Get the fuck away,” he yelled over to the tents where the two of them were standing, big grins on their faces, “You’re being the biggest cockblocks.”

“Excuse me?” Yoongi screamed, clearly amused, “If I remember it right we were the ones who set you up.”

“Good for you though!” Hoseok reassured you, “Use protection. You have thirty minutes before we start roasting marshmallows but I know Namjoon won’t need that long!”

Before Namjoon could say anything else the couple turned their back towards you, walking back to the party.

You snickered, “I don’t think they’ll ever let us live.”

Namjoon agreed as he realized you were still sitting on top of his lap, his hand found your thigh, drawing small circles in the inside of it.

“You’re so pretty,” he started kissing your cheek, “You’re pretty when you’re wearing a dress, make-up and with your hair all done,” another kiss on your jawline, “Pretty when you’re drunk and crying alone at home but still give me a smile when you open the door,” the next kiss right under your ear,  “Even pretty with a puzzle piece in your hair,”  a kiss right on your neck, making you shiver in anticipation, “And especially pretty when you’re sitting on top of me,” this time the kiss was planted on your collarbone.

“Just wait until you see me naked then,” you joked and held his head in your hands, kissing his lips softly.

Namjoon chuckled, his head in the crook of your neck, “I don’t think I’ll be able to survive that view.”

“I know CPR, don’t worry,” you joked and he gave you another kiss, happiness written all over your face, “Should we go back?”

“Wait a second,” he took your hand in his, “I just – I need to tell you that I do want to take you out on that date we talked about when we puzzled on your place that one night. And I want to take you on so many more. I’ll go to this musical with you and Yoongi and Hoseok even though I have no idea what it’s about and I want to kiss you so many more times.”

“I think all of that sounds just perfect, Joonie.”

Pressing a kiss to your hand, he took a deep breath before his eyes met yours, “Let me call you my girlfriend from now on, okay?”

The smile on your face grew wider than ever before, nodding instantly, “That sounds nice. Yoongi and Hoseok will be euphoric.”

Namjoon laughed, pulling you close to give you another kiss – it felt even better when you thought of him as your boyfriend.

“Somewhere between all the wine bottles and pizza boxes you stole my heart,” Namjoon’s voice was soft, “Let’s go tell them, I want everyone to know.”

[imagineredwood]

Request:  Reader hides her feelings for Angel but EZ knows, something happens where Angel finds someone else and introduces them to the club. Reader is heartbroken and distant to the point EZ has to explain why she is when Angel is upset at her for blowing him off

Pairing: Angel x reader, EZ x reader (platonic)

Warnings: Heartbreak, angst, emotional hurt, crying 

Word count: 2.6K

**What do we want to see happen here? 👀***

“You should just tell him.”

You looked up from your lunch to look at EZ instead, the prospect still eating his food.

“Tell who what?”

“Tell Angel that you love him.”

EZ looked at you then, seeing as you opened and closed your mouth, trying to come up with an excuse or defense. EZ cut you off before you could though.

“Don’t even try to lie. I know you. I can look at you and tell what you’re thinking. You’re in love with Angel, and you should tell him.”

Shaking your head, you looked back down at your plate, messing around with your food.

“It’s not that simple, EZ. Angel is so…he’s got such a different life than me. I can’t see him ever loving me. Not in the same way that I love him at least.”

EZ wanted to keep encouraging you, but he could see that your love for his brother was complicated. You did not get giddy and doe eyed like most people did when they spoke of the one they loved. Instead, you seemed down. Unsure and frustrated. No doubt yearning for someone that was not yours could do that to a person. With a sigh, EZ reached across the table, stroking the back of your hand in comfort.

“Just…talk to him. Hint around, see where he’s at. I know it can be scary when there isn’t much being reciprocated. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

You nodded quietly, taking his words to heart.

“I’ll try.”

At that, EZ smiled.

“Good. We’re having a big party this Friday. Come by. You can spend some time with him and see where things go.”

With a smile of your own, you nodded. You still had time to plan a nice outfit that would draw his attention.

“I’ll be there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Friday rolled around before you knew it and you had gotten yourself dolled up. Nothing crazy or extravagant, but you had been more particular. Put it more effort, and it shows. You had even managed to find a dress in the deep, gorgeous green that Angel liked. The dress was as close of a match to his bike as you were going to get, and you hoped that he would notice the effort.

Shoes on and keys in hand, you left your house and got into your car, making thee drive out to the clubhouse. Your hands were shaking the entire time, tense on the steering wheel as you drove. You felt confident and beautiful, but that did not do too much to soothe the anxiety you felt in the pit of your tummy. What if he said no? What if he decided that you were better as friends? Or that you just weren’t what he wanted? The thoughts were almost enough to have you make a U-turn and head back home, but you were already so close, the lights from the clubhouse illuminating the yard. Swallowing, you pushed through and pulled into the yard, parking by the other cars.

You stayed seated in your seat for a few moments, taking deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You were nervous yet excited. Sure, it could end with you getting shot down, but the idea that there was a possibility of Angel caring about you the same way that you cared about him was enough to tip the scale. You had been friends with him for a while now. You trusted each other, looked after each other. Checked each other when needed. Angel was absolutely your best friend. But you wanted more.

You imagined Angel loving you more. Loving you romantically. Loving you in the way that elderly coupled loved. The way that he coupled loved in your favorite books. You would always take whatever love Angel would give you, but it would be a lie to say that you did not want more. You wanted more of Angel. You wanted him to spend more time with you one on one, going on dates with you. Kissing you, being there with you when you really needed someone. To share a home with you. To think of those things made your heart skip a beat. You loved Angel more than anything, and all you wanted was for him to love you back.

Taking one last deep breath, you steadied yourself and hopped out of your car, smoothing down the front of your dress. Looking around you saw that EZ had been right. It was a bigger party than usual, more Mayans from other charters present and even more women. You felt better as you saw many of them in dresses as well, thankful you hadn’t gone too over the top. Locking your car, you started walking through the lot and going up to the clubhouse entrance. You looked over at the bikes and noticed that Angel’s was not there, but you didn’t think much of it. He had probably gone with someone else to pick some stuff up for the party.

You entered the clubhouse, the music much louder now that it was not muffled by the walls. Stepping in, you looked around, eyes scanning. You saw Coco off to the corner and he raised his arm, waving to you before motioning for you to come over. Just seeing the people that had become your family was enough to soothe your tummy a little bit more and you walked over to them, Taza wrapping his arm around your shoulders before kissing the side of your head.  

“Glad you could make it, kiddo.”

You made your way around the table, greeting the members of this charter and some from others. You stopped to stand by Coco, the one you were closest to, after the Reyes brothers. He stood from his seat and gave it to you, waving his hand when you tried to argue.

“Sit, mama. I’m good.”

You fell into conversation with the men, some of the club girls coming up to say hi and hug you. EZ could barely get time away from grabbing new beers to sit with you but that was alright. You weren’t sure how much time had passed, genuinely enjoying the company. It was not until the door opened and you saw Angel enter that you remembered why you had been so nervous in the first place. You all looked as Angel started making his way over, shaking hands with members as he walked up. By the time he got to the table, your heart was already thudding in your chest. Of course, you weren’t going to tell him as soon as he got in. You would wait until much later. Once he was finally at the table though, he turned behind him and let a girl that was standing there come to now stand in front of him. They both smiled as they looked at the group, Angel’s voice excited and proud.

“Sup, guys. This is my date.”

The girl smiled somewhat shyly having all the eyes on her, but she waved nonetheless, everyone wearing wide grins as they greeted and welcomed her.

You on the other hand felt like you had been shot.

The blow to the chest practically knocked the wind out of you and your stomach felt like you were on a roller coaster. You tried to keep your face neutral but as you looked on, Angel standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders watching happily as the Mayans complimented his new girl, you felt like the world was crashing down around you. You could hear your blood pumping in your ears, and you stood from your seat, no one noticing as the attention was on the new addition. You slipped away quickly, heading to the bathroom praying it was empty.

It seemed that the universe had taken pity on you and thankfully the bathroom was empty. You had barely gotten the door closed and locked before the heavy tears started to stream down your cheeks. The music was loud, and you knew no one could hear you anyway, but that didn’t stop you from covering your mouth to muffle the sobs.

Never in your entire life had you felt both so broken and stupid at the same time. You did not expect Angel to be single forever. You knew at some point he was going to want to get a girl that he could settle down with. You just didn’t think it was going to be so soon, and you sure as hell didn’t expect him to bring her on the night were you had finally gathered the courage to tell him how you felt. It was as if the world was playing a sick joke on you.

With your back against the bathroom door, you tried to steady your breathing, bulky tears still rolling down your cheeks. Reaching for the toilet paper, you grabbed a wad and turned to the mirror, trying to wipe the tears before they made any bigger of a mess. Just then, a knock came from the other side of the door and you cleared your throat, trying to make it sound as if you weren’t in there having the breakdown of your life.

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

You expected it to be one of the girls or maybe another member. You were surprised to hear EZ’s voice on the other side.

“Open up, querida. Come one, let me in.”

You hesitated, not wanting him to see you like this, but opened the door against your better judgement anyway. As soon as his eyes landed on you, he tilted his head with a pout and came into the bathroom, closing the bathroom behind him and locking it again.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I…I didn’t know he was bringing someone. I never would’ve asked you to come if I knew he was doing that. I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

You shook your head and tried to force a smile, still dabbing at your eyes and cheeks.

“I know, EZ. I know. It’s not your fault. It’s not his either. I’m happy that he found someone, it’s just,”

You couldn’t complete the sentence before a fresh wave of tears was brought on, EZ snatching you into his arms. He held you tightly, one hand stroking your hair as he cooed at you.

“It’s ok, mama. It’ll be ok. You’ll find someone. You’ll get over him in time and find someone for you and then this will all just be a memory.”

You knew that he was trying to comfort you but hearing him say out loud that having Angel just wasn’t a possibility anymore only deepened the crack in your heart.

You cried on his for a few minutes more before pulling away, your hiccupping sobs gone. Turning to the mirror though, it was still painfully obvious that you had been crying. Eyes puffy and your top lip a little swollen from all the rubbing your nose. You turned toward EZ and the pain on your face and in your voice made his heart clench.

“I just wanna go home.”

EZ nodded and started to open the door for you.

“Head out through the back, I’ll go and grab your purse for you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

It had been nearly two weeks since that night and you had yet to see Angel. He had texted you the morning after the party to see how you were doing. EZ had told everyone that you had gotten sick and had to leave early. They had bought it but now Angel was wanting to hang out like you both usually did. You were normally inseparable and now you had barely spoken. You would answer his texts, but they were short. He had tried to make plans and you had come up with excuses why you could not make it. You had just been spending your time at home trying to heal from the heartbreak.

It was your first one, and while you knew that the pain would not last forever, that did not make it any easier to deal with. Your tears still snuck up on you out of nowhere sometimes whenever he popped into your mind. It was like a grieving process, and as much as you wanted to try and get back to normal, you just could not face him. You figured Angel wouldn’t even really notice your absence, too caught up in the honeymoon phase with his new girl. The truth was the exact opposite was happening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“What the fuck is her problem? Every time I hit her up, she’s got an excuse.”

Angel angrily tossed his phone onto the table, both Felipe and EZ looking at him. The father and youngest son shared a look before Felipe went back to slicing up the pork. EZ looked at Angel who now sat back in his chair with an angry expression, arms crossed over his chest. EZ sighed and shook his head, looking out the window.

“Don’t be mad at her.”

Angel’s head snapped to him, an incredulous look on his face.

“What do you mean, don’t be mad at her? She’s been blowing me off for two fuckin’ weeks! No matter what I say we do, she can’t make it. I ask if I can go over to her place, she says she’s not in the mood for company. She barely comes by the clubhouse and when she does, she makes sure I’m not there. What the fuck is that about? I haven’t done shit to her and now she’s avoiding me like the plague. Some fuckin’ friend.”

Angel huffed as his finished ranting, EZ looking directly at him now.

“You broke her heart, Angel.”

The older brother stared blankly before shaking his head as he blinked repeatedly.

“What are you talking about?”

EZ sighed, turning his body to his older brother.

“She’s in love with you, Angel. She has been for months. It’s not a crush or wanting to sleep with you, she fucking loves you. She thinks the sun shines out of your ass like you’re the most perfect thing in the world. That night? When you brought your new girl? I had convinced her to come by and tell you. She went out and bought a dress to grab your attention and everything because I convinced her to just see how you felt. She showed up thinking that she might finally get a chance to be with you, and you came with another woman. You have the right to be with whoever you want, I’m not saying you don’t, but don’t be mad at her. She had her heart broken and was humiliated all within 5 seconds. That’s why she’s ‘blowing you off’. She just can’t…she can’t look at you. It hurts her too much.”

All the anger in Angel’s face and slowly melted as EZ was speaking, but by the time he finished, Angel looked like a kicked puppy. Brows knitted, mouth open slightly in a frown. He had no idea. He never once thought that you held anything more for him than the love of a friend. He had been with plenty of Vicki’s girls and you had never really batted an eyelash. That was much different than having a girlfriend though. He shook his head in disbelief.

“Obviously I never meant for her to get hurt. I wouldn’t have shoved another girl in her face if I knew.”

EZ shrugged, nodding.

“But you did, and she is.”

Angel cursed, slamming his fist on the table, the saltshaker toppling over from the force before standing.

“I gotta go see her.”

General taglist @piccasoe​ @ateliefloresdaprimavera​ @gemini0410​ @woahitslucyylu​ @my-rosegold-soul​ @that-chick212​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @glimmerglittergirl​​ @elcococruz​ @fanaticfangurl21​ @ifoundmyhappythought​ @encounterthepast​

Mayans taglist @dazzledamazon​  @abunnykisses @briana-mishell24​

Angel taglist @cardenasarmy @ezekielreyes