#anyway not in a weird way just in a they look like chewy candy way

[hopeofitalll]

The new 1989 outfits just look so chewable

[zweetpea]

Happy Birthday My Love

Happy birthday L

ao3 version: here

It was the best day of the year. That is to say it was Halloween, and more importantly your husband L’s birthday.

I know right? You snatched the greatest detective in the world? Obviously, you’re beautiful. Anyway enough about you!

————

You met him in a cafe in NYC when he was 23 and you were 21. You were reading a Sherlock novel, he ordered 14 big cookies, 2 strawberry slices shortcakes, Jasmine tea with a bowl of sugar cubes, and a banana split. He sat right by your table and you looked over with concern. 

“…are you okay?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m concerned for your health. You can’t seriously eat all of that in one sitting.”

“Why can’t I?”

“Because that’s not a proper lunch.” You say as you lift up your drink.

“Of course not. This is my pre lunch snack to get my brain stimulated.” At his statement you spit out your drink in surprising.

“What are you, diabetic? How can someone eat so much and yet be so skinny.”

“I find that you can burn calories by using your brain.”

“Okay Einstein. Just don’t drop dead anytime soon. I’m just here on vacation, I don’t need the police suspecting me to be the serial killer going around.”

“Why would they think that? You’re just a tourist.”

“I don’t find most police to be very bright or effective. Private Investigators do more work in a week than any beat cop could do in their entire life.”

The strange man was silent for a second, so you assumed that the conversation was over. However you weren’t expecting him to hold out a cookie for you. “Take it. Movie theater popcorn isn’t that good.”

“The hell?”

“Your tickets. Jaws, 1:15. I assume that your waiting for someone. You only got a drink and during lunch hour most people buy food.”

“Oh really? When do you have lunch, if this is your snack?” 

“Same time as your movie. The only difference between then will be I’ll be dinning on fine quality food and you’ll be having stale popcorn and processed butter.” You look away. “Did I strike a nerve.”

“No offense but you’re a stranger. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to spill my guts and whole life story to you.”

“Yet you asked me if I was okay.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen anyone eat so many sweets. Is it a crime to be concerned?”

“No. Just think of this as me repaying the generosity.”

“My Fiancé and I came out here to meet his parents.”

“You’re a little young to be getting married.”

“Uh, thanks? I don’t think it’s that weird, I’m 21. It’s not like I’m 12 being married off to some foreign diplomat.”

“Let me give you some advice. He either gave you the ring to get you to shit up or because he wants an unpaid maid.”

“Excuse me?”

“21 men don’t typically give up on hooking up with bimbo’s in short leather skirts. I’m 76%- no, 78% certain that he’s going to cheat on you by years end if he’s not already cheating. And judging by the way you smile sadly at your ring and scrunch your hands around your tickets I think you know that too.” 

“What would you do if you were me?”

“Dump him and go out with the skinny diabetic across from you, clearly.” He responded sarcastically.

“Ha, you’re so funny.” You replied back with the same tone, rolling your eyes.

“You should at least tell him what you want. If he’s not willing to negotiate, leave him.”

“What I want, huh? I want to go see Jaws, would any diabetic Einsteins be interested in movie theater candy?”

“Okay that jokes run its course. No I’m not interested in that chewy soulless garbage.”

“Could I bribe you with another slice of cake?”

“I thought that you were worried about my health? Also this is highly improper.”

“Making a new friend?”

“Chatting up a man when you’re engaged.”

“It’s not like I’m asking you out, I just don’t want to go to my movie alone. When life gives you lemons, ya know?”

“Cake and cookies. You eat some too okay. I’m Yuuji.” You shook him hand and replied back with your own name.

——

“Okay, why do you like this movie?”

“It’s a classic! Sure they probably should’ve just poisoned the stupid thing. Sometimes the right answer is the most obvious one.” You two smiled as you walked out of the theater.

He stopped dead in his tracks. “Sometimes the answer is the most obvious one. I gotta go, here…” he scribbled down something on his ticket and handed it to you. “Nice to meet you, friend.” He trotted off down the street. You looked down at his ticket and saw he gave you his number.

“Huh, not bad Emo boy.”

————

“My love, wake up. I made you breakfast.” You say as you kiss his neck.

“Let me sleep in on my birthday.” He groaned. “Don’t temp me to give in with that sultry voice. You know I can’t say no to you when you do that.”

“Not true. It’s only 82.79% affective. As evident of now.”

 “I stayed up late for weeks to perfect your favorite pancakes for you.”

“How’d I get so lucky to have a wife like you?”

“Good question, better question though is how did I manage to impress the world’s 3 greatest detectives?”

“By being intoxicating.” He replied smoothly.

“Okay Casanova, eat up before you food gets cold.” He smirked, grabbed you by your waist and pulled you into bed with him. Then he trailed kisses from your collar bone up to your jaw and finally planted a long deep loving kiss on your lips. “L!”

“How can you be mad at me when I have the sweetest treat right here in my arms?”

“I love you, L.”

“I love you too.”

BONUS: 

L: Mmh, these buttercream cheese and strawberry pancakes are delicious. Thank you my wife.

You: A perfect meal for my perfect husband. Mwah! 

You Two kiss!

[schleckermaul]

( 🍭 unprompted! )

A stupidly big bag of candy arrives for Break with a note:

Seriously, you've got the wrong idea. If I confess to her about anything she'd just laugh at us both? Because there's nothing between us and I'd doubt she'd go for a guy like me anyways, so don't give her any weird ideas. Even if she liked me like that (which again, she doesn't), I wouldn't know how to return the feelings and that'd just be awkward.

Anyways, can you just keep your mouth shut? I'll buy you another bag later.

-W.Y.

P.S. Also a friendly reminder that I have a copy of your medical reports from last time and I can send them to anyone, anytime >:/

— @nobully

   AH. WELL. NOW IT'S PATHETIC. however, this does not stop break from ripping the bag open as soon as he's realized who it's from. some of these are ... coated in sugar? and they're ... chewy? maybe he should have looked into what new types of candy exist around here. at least he can taste test plenty with this.

   ' that's an awful lot of talking about why you shouldn't confess your feelings. ' you know, instead of explaining that you don't have those feelings. break's mumbling, while crunching down on a chocolate. why did wang yi think it smart to send him a note, of all things? this is perfect blackmail material. an endless source of free candy, even!

   (he's lucky that it's a handwritten note, actually. he can mostly read that one through touch. imagine the guy had sent him a message over that glorified brick most everybody carries. that would've been extra embarrassing, and an awfully sad waste of candy.)

   ... considering those medical reports, though, maybe he shouldn't be too demanding. sneaky bastard. he'll tuck the note away carefully, either way. for safekeeping, of course.

[yepiamthesmileyface]

Top Ten Minecraft Things I Want To Eat

(NOTE: this does not rank flavor or edibility, just my own bad habits. i'm also not gonna get into most of the edibles/actual real life food and objects. we all know what cake tastes like. we all know what honey tastes like. we can all lick gunpowder if we put our minds to it.)

1. Redstone — listen. this would taste horrible. this would be Bad. it’s a potentially-radioactive go dust used in machinery. it would probably taste like that awful chemical note to really strong energy drinks, mixed with the taste of metal. would i eat it anyway?? yes. probably just once. i just wanna Know

2. Ender Pearls — they look Squishy. like gummy bears or jello. again they’d probably taste bad but i’d eat them anyway

3. Glow Berries — they look kinda like salmonberries crossed with cherries, and i love both of those. i’d live off this shit ngl

4. Chorus Fruit — who doesn’t want a little fun and danger in a meal?? they look like pomegranates a little, and i love pomegranates

5. Dragon's Breath — it looks like a milkshake and would probably kill me to drink but you gotta live deliciously 💖

6. Twisting Vines — they look minty, or possibly fruity, like those weird fruit candy canes. either way i’d bite directly into it

7. Phantom Membrane — i feel like it would be like eating bubble wrap jerky. very chewy and pops between your teeth. if i thought it would taste good this would be higher on the list.

8. Slime Ball — i've bitten slime before. tends to taste bad, but has a nice texture, and I'd be curious as to the difference in taste from the glue slime i've made

9. Magma Cream — like slime ball, but spicy. ranked a little lower because i can't handle too much spice and i feel like that shit would Destroy Me

10. Spider Eye — yes it's poisonous. but look me in the eye and tell me you're not a little bit curious as to what it would taste like

[queenofnohr]

Twisted Wonderland: Floyd Leech Birthday Suit-up (SSR) - Voice Lines + Personal Story

Voice Lines

SSR Summoning Quote: Today, me n’ Jade are the stars of the show~ You’re looking forward to giving us presents, right? Summoning Line: Hey, isn’t it a landweller tradition to sing a birthday song? Then let’s hop to it. Start on three, okay? Groovy: Thanks for celebrating with me. I’ll give you lotsa interesting things on your birthday, Shrimpy. Set Home: Happy Birthday to me! I’m excited to see what kinda birthday this’ll be. Home Idle 1: Azul shined my shoes for me, so I wanted to put ‘em on right away. Look, they’re so shiny you can see your reflection in ‘em. Isn’t it great? Home Idle 2: I got a lot of birthday presents from my parents. But the dorm rooms are small so they stopped sending big ones. Hmph~ Home Idle 3: *yawn*...... All the excitement’s making me sleepy. Wonder if I should go get someone to gimme a present to stay awake. Home Login: Can you guess who the first person who wished me happy birthday was? The correct answer is…… Jade! Every year we’re the first to wish each other happy birthday. Home Idle Groovy: Shrimpy, isn’t that plate bad for serving food? Fufu, it’s okay, you don’t have to start over. It’s funnier this way. Home Tap 1: Professor Knifejaw said that since it’s my birthday, if I don’t do my homework, he’ll give me extra “presents.” He’s so meaaaan. Home Tap 2: Otter gave me a percussion instrument from the Land of Hot Sands! He also gave Jade a string instrument, and the main color on them matches our hair. Home Tap 3: I pestered Goldfish for a gift and he gave me a shoehorn even though he was super mad. It’s even engraved with an F! It matches Jade’s. Aha! Home Tap 4: Sea-snake and Crabby hit me with pies at club practice. It was lotsa fun in the end, with everyone throwing them at each other~ Home Tap 5: What is it, you curious about my brooch? It’s got the same design on it as the shoes I wear with my dorm uniform~ It almost looks like it was shrunk down by magic. Home Tap Groovy: Hey, what’re hiding behind your back? Aha, you’re so obvious, acting all suspicious like that. Go ahead and hand your present over now.

Personal Story

Birthday Suit-up Chapter 1

Happy Birthday, Floyd Leech

-Octavinelle Dorm - Birthday Party Venue-

NRC School Newspaper Special Edition Interview with the Birthday Boy ~Floyd Edition~

> —Happy Birthday.

Floyd: Oh, you came to wish us well, too, Shrimpy. Thanks~

Please tell us how you feel after celebrating.

Floyd: It was real lively and suuuuuuper fun. We’ve had parties at our parents’ house, but it was never this boisterous. I liked how this one wasn’t so stiff n’ stuffy.

—I’ve heard that you always have sweets in your room; is that true?

Floyd: Huh? Isn’t it obvious, Shrimpy? Even if you eat dinner, dontcha get hungry before bed? It’s ‘cause both me n’ Jade are still growing.

—What are your favorite sweets?

Floyd: Mmm, it kinda depends on my mood that day…… A while back I used to really like peppermint candy. A week ago it was melon soda-flavored gummies…… and yesterday it was almond biscotti. I think chewiness matters more than flavor when it comes to the stuff I like. I also like stuff I can only find on land. If you find some rare treats, lemme know will ya, Shrimpy?

I will. Semi-related— what’s your favorite food?

Floyd: That would be~...... takoyaki! Oh, do you know what takoyaki is? Eh, you don’t know, Shrimpy? I didn’t expect the people at school to know, but you’re like a walking dictionary, aren’t ya? Just the other day, after the Mostro Lounge closed, me n’ Jade got together with some other Octavinelle guys and ate some. They’re pretty hard to flip when you’re making them, but I’ve done it so many times I’m reallyyyy good at it now. Also, even though it’s called takoyaki, if you use other ingredients for the filling, you’ll never get bored of it.

What kinds of ingredients have you tried?

Floyd: First was shrimp and cheese! Then sausages, then oysters....... Tomato, broccoli, shoots, fresh cream, chocolate, anchovies, potato salad, and konjac......

You’ve sure tried a lot of things.

Floyd: Yeah, I have. In the end, it turns into a game of who can make one with the weirdest combination…… They all turn out so bad it’s funny! I ate everything properly ‘cause Azul got mad that we made all that gross food. Next time, I’ll invite you too, Shrimpy. It’s a promise.

Birthday Suit-up Chapter 2

—You often leave your collar open; do you have difficulty keeping it closed?

Floyd: I wouldn’t say it’s difficult, just annoying. Just ‘cause I’m good at squeezing people, doesn’t mean I like being squeezed, ya’know? When I first got on land, I didn’t like clothes either. It felt like there was seaweed clinging to my body all the time. And on top of that, you gotta wash your clothes every time you wear them, right? I wondered why humans would bother with such a troublesome thing. But now I like picking out my clothes. Being able to wear lotsa different colors is fun. Shrimpy, did you know? Even if it’s a flashy color on land, it’ll look dark under the sea. Besides, with stuff like clothes, shoes, accessories…… It’s fun to get all dressed up on land. But I get in trouble when I buy a bunch of stuff and load it all up in the room. ‘Cause Jade cleans the room, we got a lot of empty space, so I asked him if I could use it for my stuff, but he cut down my request with a single, “No.” Ahhhh. I wonder if I can use another dorm room for storage.

Is there anything you like to collect?

Floyd: Eh~? Well, Jade likes collecting plants, and Azul likes collecting coins, but…… I tried collecting stuff, but I got bored of it…… Oh, I guess there’s that. I don’t really collect them, but I did buy stuff with moray eels on them.

What kinds of things did you buy?

Floyd: A T-shirt with a loose sketch of one, and a mascot keychain with a goofy face. Because there’s a legend that says the Sea Witch has super-competent moray eels as henchmen, in the sea eels have a kinda rough image attached to them. They’re carnivorous fish, after all. But it’s really weird how moray eel merch sold on land is strangely cute. I wonder if that’s how eels appear to humans. Anyway, I gave the T-shirt I bought to Jade and he happily put it on. Aha. But Azul said, “Don’t you dare go out wearing that.” Even though it’s soooooo cute, isn’t he so mean~?

Birthday Suit-Up Chapter 3

—Which do you prefer - your human form or your merman form?

Floyd: When I first got into my human form, I didn’t know how to move my tail fin- er, legs- and my body felt so heavy…… “I swear I’m gonna turn back into a merman and jump into the sea right now,” is what I was thinking. But lately I’ve been thinking this form isn’t so bad. There are only fish and merfolk in the Coral Sea, but there are lotsa different types of people in the school. So it’s not boring at all. Also…… it’s fun being on land ‘cause I can do stuff like play basketball and dance. Recently, I’ve gotten suuuuper into parkour.

What’s parkour?

Floyd: Oh, you don’t know? It’s when you do stuff like kick off of handrails and walls or climb buildings…… It’s a sport where you head for a goal while keeping your movement as fluid as possible even if there are obstacles.

It sounds difficult.

Floyd: I guess I’ve never really thought of it as easy or hard. I’ve always liked doing obstacle races since I was a kid.

You have obstacle races under the sea……?

Floyd: Yeah. The goal is to swim through a sunken ship on a fixed route. The inside of the sunken ships are broken all over, which makes it complicated to get around since there’s lots of stuff that gets in the way while you’re swimming. You gotta avoid obstacles with minimal movement so you don’t lose your speed while swimming. Then, the one who reaches the goal first wins! ……See, it’s kinda like parkour, right? That’s why I like it. I’m happy I learned to do something new, and it’s fun ‘cause it’s like swimming on land. There’s no set way to avoid stuff or head to a goal, so I guess you could say it’s really…… free? I hate when there’s stupid stiff rules...... Oh, that reminds me, there was a day a while back where I overslept, and when I got to class through a window using parkour, the professor got suuuuuper mad at me. I tried real hard not to be late, so shouldn’t I get praised instead? Next time I’ll try not to get caught. Aha.

Thank you very much for sharing so much with us. And happy birthday, again.

-

*For those unaware, Floyd nicknames everyone after aquatic creatures. (Barred) Knifejaw is Crewel, (Sea) Otter is Kalim, Goldfish is Riddle, Sea-snake is Jamil, Crab/Crabby is Ace, Shrimp/Shrimpy is Yuu/the protagonist.

[artnerd1123]

A Familiar World

Sourpuss  ——————————————

Curiosity might not kill this cat, but it can get him into trouble. 

The masterpost for AFW can be found here. The chapter post for AFW can be found here.

——————————————

lil dumb silly chapter with roo, bc we all need that in our lives ;w; enjoy!

When you give a familiar free reign of the house, it’s pretty normal for them to explore. When the familiar happens to be a cat, it’s doubly so. And if it’s a young one… well. You’ll have quite the nosy little scout on your hands. Ever since Roo learned he could open things himself, he’d been sticking his snout in everywhere. Cabinets, drawers, doors- anything he could reach and pull open with his tiny paws. Which, granted how little he was, wouldn’t seem like much. At first, anyway. The barrier didn’t stop him from surprising Aiden in increasingly unlikely places. And, if Roo was being honest, he liked seeing Aiden’s surprised face as much as he liked being picked up and carried to some other area. He was a simple lil familiar! He just wanted to explore and be held! Unfortunately, curiosity sometimes comes at a price.

Roo was curled up in Aiden’s desk chair this morning. It was a wooden chair- less comfy than the bed- but Aiden was busy messing around in the kitchen. He didn’t wanna be too far from his originator. Especially when it could mean food. The kitten glanced towards the kitchen, ears flopping forward to try and catch Aiden’s movements. He heard some sort of quiet clinking… a shuffle of feet… the swish of something getting flipped around in a pan… It made his mouth water. But breakfast wasn’t nearly ready yet!!! He let out a little huff, sulkily tucking his paws closer to his body. He was really hungry… he let his thoughts wander to food as his gaze slid around the living room. It was currently a bit of a mess. Quite the contrast from the clean space he’d rooted around in a couple days ago. It’s funny how messy it gets so fast, he giggled to himself. Ah, well. It just left him more to climb on. Lots of mess… many bits and bobs… little trinkets all around… His eyes fell on a little splatter on the floor. He tilted his head at it curiously. It was pink, and still sort of shiny. The color instantly reminded him of the sweets Aiden gave him the other day- what was it, taffy? Had he dropped some on the ground??? Roo didn’t know about how good it was to eat stuff off the ground, but… well… they had cleaned the floor not long ago… and Aiden didn’t wear his boots around the house… His stomach growled softly. Alright, well then. That settled it. It’s snacktime. Roo hit the ground with a tiny thump, stretching out his paws and spine. Curling up felt nice! It did! But he needed to stretch when he got up. That felt nice too. He shook himself, little patters of paint hitting the wood floor before he straightened up. He took a hesitant step, planting one paw firmly before raising up another one. His tail swayed for balance as he set his next paw down. Walking was still a little weird- he’d been letting Aiden carry him as often as possible. But he was managing! He was doing his best! And he moved well enough. He ambled clumsily over to the pink blob, plopping down happily beside it. It was such a lovely shade of pink… he gave it a sniff, tail twitching contentedly. It even smelled like taffy. Oh yeah. He needed that in his tummy right now. When he licked it, though, he got a bit of a surprise. It gave way under his tongue much easier than the taffy had the day before. It didn’t even stay stuck to the floor! He could’ve sworn it was sticky- and- wait a second, why wasn’t it chewy??? The kitten blinked in confusion as he swished the pink substance around in his mouth. Well, it… definitely tasted like taffy… it just… felt more like he’d gotten paint in his mouth. Hold on. Paint? Hadn’t Aiden been painting the other day? Still crouched on the floor, Roo did a quick scan for Aiden’s painting. Ah! Yes! There it was! Sitting by the window to dry, just where his dad left it. He remembered helping with that. Aiden had asked him to fetch certain paint hues from the collection of cans along the wall. He’d done good! And, if he remembered right, he had fetched some pink paint. He squinted at the painting. It was still coming together… Aiden had to leave it overnight. But he thought he could see the outline of some cotton candy clouds. That had to be the pink. … but why did it taste like taffy??? Surely Aiden wasn’t buying flavored paint. That would be weird. After all, Aiden couldn’t eat paint. It’s not like he was made of the stu- A realization made Roo’s entire face light up like a lantern. Aiden might not be made of paint, but he was. He looked back at the pink stain by his paws. Hmm. Had it really tasted like candy? Hesitantly, he leaned down and took another lick. The sweet taste of taffy once again slid across his tongue. He purred happily- how lovely! What if all the otheh paints taste this sweet??? The thought made him mew in excitement, paws fumbling eagerly as he skittered across the floor. All the paint cans were stacked neatly against the wall. He’d had Aiden’s help organizing it, so he knew they’d be a perfect rainbow. His eyes shone as he took in the huge array. New flavors!!! What if they all tasted like candy? Oh, he needed to try them!!! Standing on quaking hind paws, the little familiar swayed towards the many cans. What to get into first…

~~~

Aiden had been in the middle of flipping a pancake when there was a loud crash from the living room. It startled a yell and a jerky jump from him. He nearly dropped the pan, grabbing the food and the pancake with a hastily cast spell. He took a split second to steady himself, setting both things back on the stove. What in the world happened? What fell? Oh revaew- was Roo ok??? He shut the stove off with a snap of his fingers. Breakfast could wait. Striding over to the door, he peeked into the living room. He was almost afraid of what he’d see. Of course, nothing really prepared him for the sight that greeted him. Roo was standing amidst several tumbled paint cans. Only one fell open- thankfully- and it didn’t look like any had squashed the lil guy. But… well. The kitten was absolutely drenched in yellow paint. He stood trembling with his back arched, ears weighed down with displeasure and the weight of the new liquid. His tail wouldn’t even come up off the ground, there was so much of it. His eyes were squinted shut, his little snout drawn up in an unhappy wince. … all things considered, Roo looked like a yellow rat that just crawled out of a bathtub. There was a beat of silence as Aiden tried to find some words. “... uh… Roo? Are… are you ok?” Roo blinked weakly. He slowly looked over at Aiden, eyes round and sad as raindrops. As he watched, the kitten sniffled, trembling again. “Ih… I-it’s so soueh…” He mewled. “It’s… what?” Aiden said. “I-it’s so soueh- Aiden-” Roo mewed, sniffling more, “It tastes like lemons- h-help-” Aiden’s brows furrowed for a moment- sour? Lemons? What?- before it clicked. Roo was made of paint. He’d spilled yellow paint on himself. And lemons were… ah. A silent “oh” passed across his face. “D-daaaaaad….” Roo sniffled. “... oh, bud…” Aiden shook his head, trying not to laugh. “let’s get you cleaned up.”

[one-twisted-sister]

Purple shenanigans

Canndi was hunched over her book reading it was one from back in the day when she would go to church every chance she got, hey didn't hurt to brush up in some religion from time to time, she was so caught into it that she didn't hear the quiet snickers just beyond the church benches or the little whispers. The purpleblood finally did pause her reading to sit up a bit looking around, everything seemed as is the windows shaking a little front the wind that blew by though couldn't help feeling like she wasn't the only troll there.

Canndi closed the book she had, had her nose buried in before standing getting a blade from her specibus thumb pressing on on a small button that was on the handle making the sharp blade pop free from the handle. The candlelight danced on the face of the weapon as the clown inched from her seated spot. "Okay who's there?!." The clown yelled her knife held out. " I got a blade and I'm not afraid to use it!". Canndi looked left then right however the problem was that she was to focused on what was in front of her that she didn't see the figure sneaking up behind her until it was to late, arms wrapped around her middle lifting the clown from the floor. Canndi gave a squeal swinging her arms.

"Candy girl!!." Came the excited voice of Astrid, a fellow clown and followed by that was the laughter of Domini the youngest clown holding her middle. YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!." Domini yelled through her laughter having fallen back into one of the churches benches jer hand resting upon her forehead. Canndi huffed as she closed the knife and tucked it in her pocket, the other behind her was laughing as well all that dyed hair bouncing  swaying the smaller girl back and forth. " Damn it you guys that could have ended badly!". Canndi yelled at bother of them, Domini sat forward sticking the tip of her tongue out at Canndi as Astrid set her down running to take a seat beside Domini on the bench leaning back. " Could have yes bit it didn't." Astrid spoke holding up her index finger to which Canndi only huffed at before pausing. "Oh-oh wait I think- I think i hear the messiahs they're saying." Paused for a moment acting as if she were trying really hard to hear. " They're saying that you both are-.

 Are..., Are dicks!." The clown laughed watching the girls faces Astrid being the second to start laughing as she moved to sit cross legged on 5he bench. "What are you guys doing here anyway?".

Canndi asked moving to take a seat pulling a bag of fruit gummies from her pocket taking one out popping it into her mouth before the bag was tilted towards her big haired firend who gave a gleeful squee taking a couple of the chewy sugary treats popping une into her own maw. "Just cause." Domini answered getting up to grab a couple of those chewy sugar balls Canndi squinted at her. "Just cause?." The purpleblood echoed in question. " Okay, okay fine we're here to check up on you and how your recovery is going." Canndi face relaxed into a small smile.

"It's going good."

"Have you eaten correctly in the past week?." Astrid asked to that Canndi was silent to as the two other purples sighed Astrid being the first to speak.

"Canndi girl you need to start eating more that just these." The singer tapped at the bag. "It's not only unhealthy you don't get all the vitamins and shit you need."

"I don't eat that many sweets Ast."

"Then that tells me you're not eating at all." Canndi sighed and stood from the bench. "Just- leave me alone okay guys?, I'm doing fine I haven made anymore  pops, haven't touched the slime or the pixie dust I'm f I n e."

Astrid and Domini looked at their friend in worry then at each other they knew she wasn't fine, not as fine as she thought she was bit they knew they couldn't just force her well if things got to bad again Domini would definately grab that funnel again she didn't want to loose her friend, perhaps a softer approach. "Hey Canndi girl." Astrid spoke up.

"We know ya doin' fine and you really are not asking to much but maybe at least another meal or two even if it's just little bits and pieces hey the leaning monolith wasn't built in a day, stuff like this takes time and is part of the recovery process since your doing really good on this part let's climb the next step okay?." Astrid spoke softly, kindly and sweetly to the other whom looked at her friend before giving a small snort. "The next step huh?." There were still so many to climb and she was still at the bottom well maybe not the bottom, bottom. Camndi's thought were interrupted but a hand on her arm looking down she was met with Domini's purple hues.

"Yeah- hey you know what we were about to head out for lunch come with us Cancan." Domini spoke giving the girls arm a gentle shake Astrid doing the same to her opposite arm making the female laugh louder. "Resistance is futile." Astrid snickered out making Canndi laugh a little harder. "Alright, alright I'll come with you guys just lemme put the book back I don't need Misccu on my ass again about leaving the books out."

"That guy is a creepy fuck." Domini spoke stopping to look around expecting the male to pop from the shadows or something  she didn't trust him even if he was a man of the church... then again did she trust any Western purples besides Astrid and Canndi?.

"Oh come on now he's not that bad". Canndi chuckled in the males defense as she gathered the book up from where she had left it. "I'll be out in a minute you two go a head."

"Alright we'll see ya outside." Astrid got up from her spot tugging at her shorts a bit before heading to the huge set of doors Domini standing to follow. " Hold it." The younger purple spoke as she walked over to Canndi moving to pluck the bag of gummies from the older purple. "I'm stealing these." Domini announced as she turned on a heel to head out leaving Canndi chuckling. "And you say I'm the sweets junky."  Domini stuffed some of them gummies into her mouth before giving the other the one finger salute on the way out.

A few minutes passed as the two females waited for their friend .

"Where the hell is she?."

"Maybe she ran into Mis and he hypnotized her and drained her of her blood." Domini spoke before stuffing another gummie into her maw, Astrid arching a brow.

"Dom, I highly doubt that Mis is a fucking rainbowdrinker ."

"He looks like one ."

"How do you know what a rainbowdrinker looks like?."

".....Movies." Astrid rolled her eyes how did she not see an answer like that coming.

"Hey brat give me one of those."

"No way these are mine"

"Damn it Dom". Before long the two were playing a half assed game of keep away Doming throwing one of the treats at Astrid only for her to throw it back both laughing.

"You're gonna get fat if you eat them all!."

"I'm already fat!."

"Oh my lord no you're not child."  Being called a child made Domini stop long enough for Astrid to nab the bag from her.

Finally Canndi came out of the church to join up with the two. "Hey sorry I took so long Mis wanted to go over a few things about next weeks meeting  with me, Saelcu and Macacu."

"Did he also ask you to strip and bite your neck?." Domini spoke in monotone making Astrid choke on of the treats the woman smacking her chest to help dislodge the thing.

"DOM!."

"AST."

"You both are weird no he didn't, c'mon let's go."    Canndi laughed the three heading off to the nearby cafe. "After this you guys wanna come over and watch a movie or something?." Domini asked walking in between the two.

"Yea I'm game."

"Me to." Both agreeing. "But what to watch?." Canndi tapped at her bottom lip trying to think of a movie or something she had in her movie box.

"Maybe something Eastern they'er entertaining". Domini suggested only to hear Astrid laugh. "Dom we all know the only reason you'd want to watch an Eastern movie is so you can eye fuck the actors". Dominis entire face went almost as dark as her blood color. "ASTRID!!." The young purple damn near hissed  while the others were laughing up a storm. "And your one to talk! I see how you stare at the music and concert videos!." Domini spoke pointing at her Astrid giving a fake offended look and gasp. " I am only doing research on stage performance."

"Does that also include trying to guess which one has the biggest d-mmphh!?." Domini was cut off by a hand that was rested over her mouth.

"Alrighty!, since the perigee of spirits is close how about a horror movie! Like Spiritsnight? Everyone loves Martell Mayers or Dusk of the Dead?." Canndi pulled her hand from Dominis face finally giving her the 'be good' look which she made a face at bit decided to do so handed off what was left of the gummy bag back to Canndi whom stuck it into her pocket.

As they walked to the cafe the bell above the door jingling as they walked in the male behind the counter waving to them.

"Hey girls!."

"Hey Sidney!."

"Yo Sid!."

"Sup!."

Domini bumped fists with the fellow purpleblood as the three took a seat on the stools at the front table. "Hey Sid, have you heard from Yoshio?." Domini asked while playing with a few packets of jam, plucking one sending it flying only to be caught by the troll behind the counter and placed back down onto the rack. “Nah I haven’t yet should soon though you how the service is in these parts.”

“Yeah true it sucks more than Canndi -.”  Said troll choked while she was in mid conversation with another troll whom turned bright blue. “Astrid Sabiha!.” “I was gonna say ‘does on lollipops you perv!.” “Me the perv?!.” Domini watched the two looking back and forth between them. “You would swear they were really related.” For once she wasn’t being the crazy one as she turned around placing an order for tea. “Make that three Din and Gus will want some I’m sure.” 

[wild-depression-appears]

🍬 🧛🏿‍♂️ and 👹 please 😊

🍬 what's your favorite candy?

I a BIG fan of jolly ranchers! But my favorite candy is, very specifically, frozen sour gummy worms. Yes, it's weird I know, but I really like the way the cold makes the sour sensation sharper and really refreshing, and the chewiness is a bonus.

🧛🏿‍♂️ what is the first thing you would do as a vampire?

Probably turn into a bat and fly around.

👹 what's the craziest thing you've done on halloween?

Ok, so this wasn't ON halloween, but it was a Halloween party, so I think it counts. In high school I dated this girl who was certifiably crazy in... A lot of ways. She was also Wiccan, which, while not necessarily crazy, is important to the story. We were dating around my birthday, and so for my birthday she gave me a Link (from legend of Zelda) doll with a little vial of her blood around his neck (like I said, certifiably crazy. But I also found it really romantic, and probably still would tbh.) Anyway, we ended up breaking up a few months later, and I started dating my now-ex who I'll call A. Now, fast forward about a year, I'm a senior in high school, and it's about a week before Halloween. A and I are chilling in my room waiting to go to a Halloween party, and I notice the doll sitting on my bookshelf. I kinda idly picked it up and INSTANTLY felt super sick and anxious, like that feeling when you wake up disoriented and achy after a bad nap. I quickly tossed it onto my bed, just to get it out of my hands, and A picked it up and quickly put it back down. I was still a little shaken from the sensation, and mentioned offhand that it was from crazy girl, A just looked at me and said "yeah... I can feel that." I asked her if it felt weird to her too and she described exactly the same feeling. So, I don't know for sure, but I'm fairly certain that crazy girl put a hex or binding spell on this doll; either that, or it was just channeling her energy really hard. She was really obsessive over me, and hated that I was dating A instead of her, so honestly either one is possible. In either case, we were going to hang out with a friend of ours who knew more about occult spiritual stuff than us, so we decided to take it and ask him. When we got to the party we handed it to him without telling him what we felt, just asked him what he thought of it and he immediately said that he HATED the energy it was giving off. We told him about what we felt, and it's backstory, and he agreed that crazy girl probably put some kind of hex on it, and suggested that we just burn it. Hell, being a Pyro that was music to my ears, and instead of just settling for putting it in my friend's firepit, I decided to really end this doll rightly. So... We took it out into the middle of nowhere (I live in a fairly rural town) with a gallon of gas, a few aerosol cans, and a bunch of old school papers, and committed what would probably be considered an act of arson 😇 needless to say, that doll wasn't an issue anymore lol...

[katastroficwriter]

How about a nightmare before Christmas au prompt?

I apologize for my tardiness! Ahhh! But I hope you’ll enjoy this anyway!

After the fiasco involving Jack Skellington, Santa, and Oogey Boogie, balance was restored in Christmas Town and in Halloween Town. The Pumpkin King had sincerely apologized for his actions, and Santa Claus was a kind fellow who forgave him without a second thought. This event was what sparked an unusual friendship between the two figureheads of their respective Towns. And such friendship, had transmitted to their younger successors.

Santa had retired after a century and had chosen one of his elves to take his place, while Jack Skellington had found joy with Sally and decided that living a peaceful life with her and his pet Zero without the pressure of leading the townspeople would be a far more fulfilling way to end his reign. He had selected the most fearsome and capable devil of Halloween Town to fill in his shoes.

Whenever it snows in Halloween Town, everyone knows that ‘Santa’ has come to meet with their Pumpkin King. It has already become a norm for the new Santa to visit the new Pumpkin King for chat or a light snack before going on his merry way back home.

The new Santa was just as kind as the previous one, although he’s more outspoken and can be assertive whenever the situation called for it. While the new Pumpkin King was more mischievous than refined, yet he’s somehow managed to obtain the obedience and admiration of his townspeople. Despite their differences, the two enjoyed each other’s company the most. Probably an effect of having their respective Holidays situated so close to each other, and not just because of the incident that affected their predecessors.

“Is it just me or did you get taller again?” the new Pumpkin King grumbled as he tapped his fingers against their usual table reserved for their meetings. “I think I preferred it better when you used to reach up to my waist only.”

“Ah, I didn’t really notice–”

“That answer makes it more annoying!” the devil slammed a fist against the furniture in indignation.

“It’s not like I have a control over it anyway,” Santa sighed as he made his way towards the raven-haired King. “I only started aging normally after inheriting Santa’s abilities, you know. Also, if I stayed in my original form, doing my job would be difficult for me.”

“That makes sense, but doesn’t mean I like it!”

“Now, now, don’t be in such a bad mood. I brought you some sugar cookies since Teruteru accidentally baked too many,” the former elf, Kiibo, flashed the devil a smile as he slid into the seat opposite of the latter. “You can share them with your people too if you want to.”

“Sugar cookies?!” purple eyes sparkled with delight. “Gimme! Gimme!”

Ouma, the new Pumpkin King, simply adored sweets in all shapes and sizes. And Christmas treats, as he had discovered, were sweeter and came in varied forms and flavors. While candy was something he enjoyed in exchange for a night of scares, it was the texture of soft cakes and chewy cookies that had him dying for more.

“Now, now, there’s more than enough for everyone here. You don’t need to eat so fast,” Kiibo sighed.

“They’re too good! I can’t stop myself~” Ouma happily bit on another cookie. “You should have some too. It feels weird if I’m the only one eating.”

“Ah, I shouldn’t,” the albino shook his head. “It’s almost Christmas, I have to make sure I have the appetite to eat every single cookie the children would prepare for me.”

“Hmmm….I see,” the raven-haired devil paused to quench his thirst with blackberry tea. “You’re working a lot harder than the previous Santa. Not saying he was lazy buuuuut…you get what I mean.”

“You think so…? This is going to be my 2nd Christmas as Santa, so I’m still not used to this job,” Kiibo rubbed the back of his neck. “As an elf, I’ve always had my hands full. Now that I’m Santa, a lot of my usual workload is gone and I feel restless if I’m not working.”

“Isn’t that just fine?” Ouma rested his face against a palm, regarding the albino with a knowing smile. “But if you really insist, then how about playing a game with moi? That should keep you busy enough! Especially if you’re going against me of all ghouls! Nishishi~!”

Kiibo regarded the devil with an inquisitive look before nodding. “I…suppose a few games won’t hurt. What games do you have in mind?”

Ouma’s eyes sparkled brightly as he got out of his seat, “A lot! Come on!”

It was an unusual friendship between an icon who spreads cheer, and an icon who spreads fear.

                          —————————————————-

Ouma impatiently tapped his fingers on the table.

It has been a year and a half, and Kiibo hasn’t dropped by his place like he usually would.

“Hoshi.”

Ripples started appearing on the pond just beyond his porch as a short and half-eaten man emerged from it. A piranha was hanging precariously from one of his ribs as he trudged his way towards the devil. “What is it?”

“Did I do something to scare Kiiboy away?” Ouma’s brows furrowed. “I’m not too sure if I did.”

“…Kiiboy? Don’t know who that is,” the shorter male moved to sit on the porch stairs.

“Oh, right,” the devil moved to lean against his seat. “…I meant Santa. I’m asking you since all you do is float around in your pond so maybe you noticed something I somehow didn’t.”

“Ah, the newbie,” the boney man mused before tossing the piranha back into the pond. “Not really. Pretty sure the guy’s used to you being you. Seems at home in Halloween Town too. What a weird one.”

“Right? That’s what I thought too,” Ouma frowned, tapping his fingers against the table a little louder. “This happened for a couple of weeks when we first met after I scared him on the first day. But it doesn’t make sense why he suddenly decided not to come see me, now!”

“How about you go and see him for a change?” Hoshi shrugged. “If he can find the time to visit you, then surely you can do the same for him. If you still can’t get your head wrapped around it, then you still have a ways to go, Pumpkin King.”

Ouma paused from his tapping to think. “…I’ll think about it.”

The shorter man nodded as he got up from his seat on the stairs. “If there’s nothing more to talk about, I’m heading back to my place.”

“There’s nothing more~ You can go back,” Ouma waved a hand, his tail whipped against the floor as he did so. Once his companion disappeared back into the pond, the devil slumped over his table. Far too bored without his usual tea time companion. “…Mmm…I guess it’s about time I pay the old man a visit.”

He slipped out of his seat and stretched his limbs with a pop before leaving his abode.

                       —————————————————-

“Enter Christmas Town?!” Jack gasped. “Haven’t I forbidden you to entertain such a thought?”

“I know, I know,” Ouma grumbled, stuffing an ear with a finger. “You already told me that story for like a hundred times–I know what happened.”

Jack paced across his living room, “I specifically instructed you to never set foot in Christmas Town to prevent history from repeating itself!”

“I’m not planning to go there and play Grinch, you know. I’m educated enough about Christmas to not kidnap him just for a taste of the holiday, you can thank Kii–I mean Santa, for that,” The devil’s tail flicked upwards as he shrugged. “There’s nothing to worry about. I only wanted to visit a friend.”

The skeletal man paused in his tracks, back straightening. “…A friend, you say?”

“Yeah.”

“And who exactly is this friend of yours?” Jack circled the shorter being.

“It’s Santa. I think that’s pretty obvious since I never left Halloween Town,” Ouma shrugged.

“Santa…!” Jack huffed in amusement. “I see, I see now. Santa. Your friend is Santa. I suppose it only makes sense…it has been snowing quite frequently in Halloween Town for the past year.”

“So…does that mean…?” the devil’s tail wagged with anticipation.

“Yes. I shall permit you to enter Christmas Town, no, I encourage you to do so!” Jack raised his arms with a flourish. “To befriend Santa…not even I had thought of such a possibility. However, you are only permitted to strengthen the good relations of Christmas Town and Halloween Town and nothing more. Understood?”

“I understand,” Ouma resisted the urge to grin. No way he’s going to do something as pathetic as smile in front of the former Pumpkin King.

“Good! I’ll have Zero guide you to Santa’s workshop,” Jack gave him a friendly pat on the back. “Now run along, my boy! Time’s a-wasting.”

–This was pretty much how the devil found himself walking through the forest with only his predecessor’s pet dog to guide him. Zero paused in his tracks and circled the devil once and tilted his head.

“Are you worried that I’m feeling cold?” Ouma found himself smiling.

The dog barked its affirmative with enthusiasm.

The raven-haired devil tapped the dog’s jack o’ lantern nose fondly. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it since Santa visited often. Thanks for worrying though, Zero.”

Zero barked once more and wagged his ghostly ‘tail’ before resuming his task as the tour guide.

They eventually left the dark forest home to his beloved Halloween Town, and ended up in a brighter forest surrounded with greater trees that were marked with symbols. He didn’t recognize any of the symbols except for one. One that his dear friend always brought along with him in the form of a sugary sweet tree.

“That must be Christmas Town, huh!” Ouma mused, grinning at the enthusiastic ghost dog. Without further ado, they entered the great tree bearing the symbol of an embellished Christmas Tree. Locating Santa’s workshop was a cinch with Zero’s guidance, which made the devil thankful of his predecessor’s foresight.

Ouma straightened his back before giving the door three knocks. What he didn’t expect to happen once the door opened was to have a midget scream in horror just from the mere sight of him and promptly slamming the door in his face.

“Well, I already knocked, so…” Ouma shrugged before opening a portal inside the workshop, whilst Zero simply floated through the door. He was met with more screaming by a hundred pointy-eared midgets.

“MONSTER!!!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment!” the devil grinned, making sure to show them his too sharp teeth. “Now which one of you shall I eat first?”

An elf fainted, making the devil snicker.

“What’s with the ruckus?”

Ouma’s head perked up at the sound of his dear friend’s voice. “Kii–Santa~!”

“…Ouma? What are you…” the silver haired man waded through the crowd of quivering elves and approached the devil. “What brings you here?”

“Y-you know this m-monster, Mr. Claus?” Mikan stuttered.

Kiibo gave the elf a gentle pat on the head before redirecting his attention to the devil. “Well?”

“Is it so wrong for me to come visit my dearest friend?” Ouma’s tail flicked in a haughty manner. “It’s not like I was worried that I was left behind, for I don’t know…about a year and a half?”

Guilt struck the platinum blonde upon processing what his Halloween counterpart had just said. “I’m…sorry. I didn’t mean to stop visiting you. Especially with Mr. Skellington forbidding you from coming here…”

Ouma quirked a brow at his friend’s last statement. “So you knew about that, huh. I guess that’s why you were confident that I wouldn’t be able to look for you once you stopped dropping by. You knew that I keep all my promises, especially the one I made to the old man.

“And yet you’re here,” Kiibo murmured.

The devil shrugged, flashing the scared elves a toothy grin. “He let me go as soon as I said that I wanted to visit my friend. That’s you, by the way.”

The albino glanced at the elves surrounding them before grabbing the devil by the wrist. “Let’s take this somewhere private. Everyone, please take a break first.”

“Huh? W-will you be okay, Mr. Claus?” Mikan fidgeted in her place. “Shouldn’t you be resting too?”

Kiibo smiled, “Yes. I’ll just be spending my break with Ouma. If you’ll excuse us…” he began tugging the raven-haired devil to the direction of his office. Zero simply followed them from behind, dedicated to his task of watching over the Pumpkin King.

“…You look tired, Kiibo,” was the first thing the devil said as soon as the albino shut the door behind them.

“Is it really that obvious?” Kiibo blinked, pressing a hand against his cheek. “…I…didn’t mean to stop visiting you. Things have been quite hectic around here in Christmas Town as of late.”

Ouma quirked a brow at this, “Isn’t it always hectic? You’re delivering gifts to the whole world after all.”

The albino raked a hand through his hair. “It’s not just that…Something has been going on as of late…if you want to know what I mean, you can take a look at the scrolls on my desk.”

The devil glanced at the holiday icon before doing as he was told. “Oh? The Nice List. What about it?”

“Take a look at the Naughty List.”

Ouma reached for the aforesaid list and was astounded with how it outstretched all over the room like magic. “…Woah.”

Kiibo nodded, “The number of naughty children had significantly skyrocketed over the course of one year.”

“I don’t see the issue though. Don’t you give the naughty ones coal as part of your procedure?” Ouma rolled the scroll back and returned it to its rightful place atop his friend’s desk.

Kiibo pursed his lips before slipping out of his red coat and rolled his dress shirt’s sleeve upwards to reveal burn marks on his otherwise pristine white skin. Ouma tensed at the sight of the injury, eyeing his friend’s facial expression.

“Last year, a child was awake and caught me filling his sock with coal. He threw a fit, saying that he deserved a present just like any other child. He ended up tossing his mug full of hot chocolate at me,” the albino let out a dry laugh. “Afterwards he called me a sham, saying that I’m not the Santa he sees on television. And concluded that that’s why I ‘mistakenly’ gave him coal instead of a proper gift. I only got out of the situation thanks to the knockout dust Miu gave me beforehand. I was unable to move my arm properly after that night, but I’ve started regaining my usual mobility recently.”

Ouma’s features softened at the sight of the albino struggling to hold his tears back. He knew how much Kiibo adored his Santa, so he simply wanted to live up to his role and to make his predecessor proud. To be called a sham is…

“How many of these children hurt you?” Ouma schooled a more serious expression. Not pleased with the new information bestowed upon him at all.

“Ah, the others are quite manageable, they only set booby traps which are actually easy to avoid,” Kiibo rolled his sleeves downwards. “The child won’t remember about meeting me anyway; it’s one of the side-effects of the knockout dust.”

“That’s even worse,” Ouma clicked his tongue as he sauntered towards the albino, grabbing the latter’s right hand by the wrist. “It would only mean that something like this will happen to you again.”

Kiibo looked down, slowly tugging his hand of the devil’s hold. “…Then what do you want me to do? I can’t let something like this stop me from delivering presents. I don’t…I don’t want to become an even bigger failure than I–”

“Alright, shut up,” Ouma pressed a finger against the albino’s lips. “First of all, you didn’t fail. And second of all, who said anything about stopping your delivery?” He grinned.

Kiibo’s head perked up. “…What are you planning?”

The last thing he saw from the devil was his trademark smirk before what stood before him was no longer his friend but a carbon copy of himself.

“O-Ouma?”

“Relax, I’m not going to lock you up and steal your job. I’m just going to handle the naughty ones,” Ouma, despite taking on Santa’s appearance, retained his tail to make them easily distinguishable. “Naughty is my specialty, after all.” He winked.

“You’re not going to hurt them, are you…?” Kiibo’s brows knitted together in worry. “They may be naughty, but they’re still children! A devil like you–”

“You worry too much,” Ouma huffed. “The old man won’t let anyone hostile become his successor you know. If you can’t have faith in me, then at least have faith in my predecessor.”

Kiibo looked into the same clear blue eyes he had known all his life before nodding. “…No. I trust you. I’m sorry for doubting you just now.”

Ouma grinned, puffing his chest proudly. “You’re going to have to tell me how you do your thing though. Just so I’ll know where to draw the line.”

“Alright. But…can you…change back?” Kiibo rubbed an arm nervously. “It feels a little strange talking to myself.”

“Oh! Sure thing~” with a literal snap of his fingers, Ouma reverted back to his original appearance. “Anyway, educate me Santa.”

The albino huffed a laugh, finally able to relax after months of tense work. He should have visited his friend sooner instead of carrying all of the burden on his own. “Have a seat. This would take a while.”

                               X Ho Ho Ho X

A child armed with a nerf gun tiptoed his way to the living room, making sure he’s as low as possible so he wouldn’t get caught. He wanted to prove to his friends that he could handle staying up all night without fearing the consequences of Santa being upset with him. Besides, he had plenty of proof that his father was just playing the role to appease him. Or piss him off, considering the amount of coal he got over the years.

Sure enough, he saw a tall silhouette instead of the usually marketed image of Santa as a fat and jolly old man. It was definitely his father, he knew it! The child’s anger only worsened at the sight of his Christmas stocking getting filled with coal this year as well.

“You’re not Santa!” he yelled out as he went out of his hiding spot, aiming his toy gun at the man.

“…You’re right,” chuckled the man, back still turned towards the child.

The child froze. That didn’t sound like his father’s voice.

The man slowly turned around, revealing eyes that didn’t look like it belonged to a human, and the widest grin the child as ever seen. Horns slowly protruded out of the man’s head and a long tail flicked around excitedly. This was definitely not Santa.

“Santa doesn’t visit Naughty children. I do,” cackled the imposter. “They have the most delicious screams~!”

As soon as he said that, the entire room turned black. “Now….let me hear yours…!”

The child dropped his nerf gun in a panic and screamed as he ran away in the now endless hallway. He lived in an average house, usually his parents would come running as soon as they hear him scream. But no one is coming for him. Not his mom, not his dad, and certainly not Santa.

                      He’s going to get eaten alive.

Ouma let the chase continue for a moment before swiftly capturing the struggling child with his tail, snickering at the child’s fear-stricken face.

“N-no! No don’t eat me!”

“Naughty children get eaten, silly,” said Ouma in a sing-song manner as he surreptitiously fetched a small pouch from his pocket. He grabbed a handful of its contents and threw it at the child’s face, swiftly knocking him out. It was a modified knockout powder that didn’t have the side effect of memory loss. The child has to remember this fear for this to work, after all.

“E-excuse me, Mr. Devil? Are you finished now?”

“Mmm, Mikan, was it?” Ouma grabbed a gingerbread man from the tray before carrying the child back to his room.

“Y-yes, sir…”

“Yeah, I’m all done here. This one’s the last one on the list, yeah?” the devil grabbed the rest of the cookies as soon as he got back to the living room, stuffing them all inside his pockets. “Is Santa finished with his own work?”

“Y-yes! Daimon Masaru is the last one on your list, sir! A-and Mr. Claus already returned to the workshop. He’s waiting for you to come back t-too.”

“Okay! Thanks for the good work, Mikan~ I’ll be out of the chimney in a moment. Tell Santa to come pick me up for me, alright~?”

“W-will do!”

The devil easily climbed through the narrow chimney and sat on the roof as he waited for his friend to fetch him. He was in the middle of nibbling on a sugar cookie when he heard the sleigh’s tell-tale bells. He’s seen Kiibo ride the sleigh before since that’s how he travels to Halloween Town, but there was something magical about seeing his friend working in his natural habitat.

“Thanks for the good work,” was the first thing Kiibo tells him as soon as he lands the unexpectedly light sleigh on top of the Daimon household’s rooftop. “I hope it wasn’t too troublesome.”

“Not really. I’m a little disappointed actually, they’re much tamer than the brats I know back at home,” Ouma sighed. “At least I got some cookies out of it. It evens out~”

Kiibo chuckled as he helped the devil climb on the sleigh. “…I seriously can’t thank you enough for tonight.”

“Don’t sweat it. We’re friends, ya know?” Ouma shrugged. “Tell me next time. Don’t just suddenly stop visiting me without giving me a head’s up. That was mean.”

“Sorry, I really am,” the albino heaved out a sigh. “…How about you join us for some hot cocoa and marshmallow pie before I take you back home?”

Purple eyes sparkled at the offer. “Marshmallow pie? That’s a thing? I wanna try!!!”

Kiibo flashed him a smile, “Teruteru loves to experiment. I’m sure seeing your reaction to his food in person would make him happy.”

“Go, go! I wanna try it now!”

“Haha, alright, alright. Hold on tight.”

“Aye, aye!”

The sleigh took off into the night sky, leaving behind snowflakes and the sound of jingling bells as they laughed along their way to Santa’s–Kiibo’s workshop.

Bonus:

When Daimon Masaru returned to school, he felt chills run down his spine when his circle of friends all discussed the same demon that greeted him last Christmas. The biggest surprise was the fact that Monaca went to class walking with her own two feet. Apparently the monster destroyed her wheelchair during the chase. They all vowed to behave for the rest of their lives, fearing that the monster would come visit them again.

[grimimic-blog]

The story I made for the game collaboration between me and https://urg-urg-urg.tumblr.com/

Halloween 12 all-stars at the Olympic games team racing, featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series and Knuckles

AKA A huge Hallows eve!

It was no secret to feyfolk that humans were boring. Nearly void of magic, Nowhere near as attractive as elves, all they ever wanted to talk about was taxes and back pain, and even a starving hill ogre wouldn't eat one because they tasted so awful! Truly the worst species on the planet, but something Gong had overheard earlier in the week while visiting a human tavern had caught the little goblins ears. Human holidays were strange and foreign to many feyfolk. It didn't make much sense to pick an arbitrary day to be wear green and binge drink to Gong. She already did that just about everyday, but this "Halloween" had her full attention. "Fizzy hurry up I don't want to miss all the free shit!" Gong yelled in the direction of her closet. A light thump and some obscured insults preceding the purple fairy fluttering from behind the corner. "Hey you're the one that said we had to "Dress up to get free candy"! I'm just trying to make sure I look good. What happens if I meet a hot guy while we're out!?" "Don't kid yourself Fizz, we both know if you set yourself up for failure you're just going to get drunk and crawl in bed with me again after I fall asleep." "S-shut up! That was one time and I was because I was cold! Just get in here and help pick out something for us to wear!"

the girl's shared closet was surprisingly spacious, but that had a lot to do with all small the girls were themselves. Outfits lined the walls, Hanging from hooks and sitting neatly folded on shelves, but where soon to be scattered on the floor as their owners tried to find the perfect style for the nights festivities. A pair of cocktail dress's that happened to be the nicest thing either of them had ever pull from a dumpster, Some comfy pajamas, A pair of thigh high boots that were actually just regular boots on a normal sized person, and an invisibility cloak that made itself invisible when worn rather than the subject wearing it all lay in a pile on the ground before the girls had picked their outfits for the night. A simple cloth vest skirt combo for Gong, and a long silken dress for Fizzy.

The streets were dimly lit by orange glow of nearby lamp posts. The sounds of screaming children dressed in caricatures costumes of feyfolk that Fizzy and Gong would have found rather insulting if either of them had focused on anything other than their fantasies of what an entire night of free candy would be like. A fantasy that was about to be rudely interrupted by what appeared to be two disheveled, and slightly bloated werecats with plastic ears and tails. "Aayyyy whha-WHAT are you kiz gona do wihou a canny bags!!" Asked the first woman at a volume louder than needed. "Ignore her please. She's had a little too much partying tonight" Said the second stranger, as her friend finished the liquor bottle she was holding. Popping the strained button on her small shorts in the process. "Naht the only one am I!" her overly intoxicated friend replied before giving her soberish friend a hardy slap to the gut that sent the small mound into a sloshing fit. "Alright you're going to home to bed! Stop bothering these Girls."  She said before both werecates walked off into the night. "Gong. That woman said something about a candy bag. All of these kids have candy bags! You didn't say anything about needing bags to get free candy!" "Relax Fizz. The bags can't be that important right? Even if they are we could totally kick the crap out of one of these kids, they're only like five years old, and I brought my brass knuckles." "Fine whatever. I still think there's got to be some kind of catch. No one give things away without making you pay for it". The first house of the night was an unremarkable little thing painted white with green shutters. On the porch sat an older looking man dressed as some sort of vampire farmer who called out to the mas they approached. "Ohh aren't you a cute one! What are you supposed to be one of those pocketmans?" "I'm a goblin, and my friend is a fairy" Gong replied. "Oh you kids and your youth! Here you go. A candy corn on the cob for you, and one for you're little birdy there too".

"Now I know why we needed bags" Sneered Fizz as she crammed another head-sized piece of candy corn into her mouth.  The purple sprite's middle  pushing more, and more outward with each swallow. "We'll be fine." Replied Gong. "We can just eat whatever candy we get as we're walking. It's not like every human is going to give out weird stuff like this right?" "Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you spit everything with me fifty fifty alright?" You're like a fifth of my size Fizz! it already looks like you swallowed a tennis ball, and I don't plan on rolling your fat butt all the way home!" "you're one to talk. I'm pretty sure I heard you pop a seam a few minuets ago." The purple pixie punctuated her point with a firm slap to her companions rounded belly. The girl's conversation was cut abruptly short when Gong nearly tripped over the steps leading to the second house of the night. A modest purple building decorated in little ghosts and uncarved pumpkins. The two girls were about to knock when the door burst open and a particularity unspooky spirit stepped out. "Hey there kiddos! You two sure are in for a treat!" Piped the cheery little ghost. "Dude we're like 26" Replied the deadpan Fizzy. "That's alright! You girls can still have a taste of what's under my sheet!" "I'm calling the cops." "My apple pies are famous around here, but not very good for Halloween; Until this year anyway! I've combined apple pie and caramel apples into the ultimate confection!" Cheered the man in the ghost costume as he pulled two caramel covered disks on sticks from under his sheet, and handed them over.

"These are pretty good you know?" Gong said with her mouth still half full. "Kind of hard to eat, but still good". If Fizzy had been listening she didn't or more likely couldn't answer, but being submerged in a pie near the size of your whole body will do that. The difficulty of trying to carry and eat an entire pie on nothing but a cheap craft stick had forced the short sweeties to rest at a picnic table not far down the street. Each bite forced Gong's belly out farther and farther. Straining her clothes, and forcing her legs apart to make room for it's gravid shape. By the time the last bite of thick caramel and flaky apple pie passed her lips the green girl could have easily been mistaken for some near the end of pregnancy; But goblins may as well have been giants compared to fairies, and the effects of the confection were far more pronounced on Fizzy. The candy corn had already left her more than a little bloated, but as the purple pixie slowly ate her way past the hard caramel shell and into the center of the apple pie her belly had ballooned to dramatic levels. Her clothing stood no chance of containing the beast known as the faerie's gut. She laid prone in the pie tin on her basketball of a belly, naked from the waist down, trying with all her might to force any crumb withing reach into her mouth. "Uhh Fizzy any particular reason you aren't wearing underpants?" "Were you not paying attention earlier? What If I meet a stud while we're out? Panties would only get in the way." "Oh right. I forgot that purple balloons were every man's dream girl." Snided Gong. "Anyway, let's get going. the night isn't over yet, and we've got houses to hit."

Gong rang the doorbell of the third house. clutching her heavy, heaving tummy. If she let go her balance was at risk, and the mental image of an watermelon explosion was one she had to shake away more than a few times. The trudge to the third house was made that much longer by her slow, exaggerated, waddling. Each step a miniature battle with her own full tummy. A purple blimp of a pixie bobbing and swayed as she floated behind her. Her own belly nearly scraping on the ground  until a flurry of flapping wins sent her back into the air. The door creaked open. A green sheet that looked distinctively like the ghosts from the earlyer houses poked it's head out the door, googly eyes bouncing wildly. "Who daressss enter the lair of the sneeeeeek?" Hissed the man in very ghost looking "snake" costume. "Nice costume... Dig the color." Gong weezed between breaths. Carrying the extra weight of her turgid gut had left more tired than she realized. "Thankssss friend! I made it myssssself!" Fizzy who's wings were already tired of holding her massive body in air chose to interrupt the two green revelers conversation. "Trick or treat! Now just give us whatever weird candy you've got back there and let us go". If plastic googly eyes could look confused the snake would have looked shockingly bewildered. "There's no weird candy here friends. Just some gummies I'm afraid." Fizz and Gong let out a collective sigh of relief, but apparently it had been too soon as seconds later both of them were nearly knocked over by the enormous gelatinous treats tossed to them by the man in the snake costume. An impressive feat seeing as the costume possessed no arms. "There you go girls, gummy pythons! Hope they're good, I made them myself!"

Bit by chewy bit the gelatinous reptiles were forced into the already packed stomachs of the minuscule monsters as they approached the fourth, and last house on the street. "Ugghh... I swear he must have used a real snake to make molds for these" Fizzy groaned. "I can see the scale prints". "How are we supposed to eat these anyway! One of these is as long as my whole body!" Gong added. "You just gotta slurp it down girl! You've had boyfriends before haven't you?" Fizzy punctuated her insult by taking a large  gulp from the tail end of her gummy snake. "Hey Fizz maybe you should be more careful? You might choke....Or explode." Gong said between bites of her own sugary treat. "you're already looking kinda fat honestly. I was only kidding about the whole rolling you home thing earlier... Are you listening Fizz?" Fizzy unfortunately was not listening as she was far too preoccupied with choking on the massive sugar serpent that currently clogging her windpipe. "Oh my Gods Fizz! Don't worry I-I'll help you! Don't die!" Gong tried every idea she could think of but Fizzy's tiny body made the Heimlich impossible, and the gummy was wedged far too deep in the fairie's bulbous tummy to be dislodged by pulling on it. "Ok. Ok. Think Gong. You can do this." The Goblin muttered to her self, voice seeped in panic. "Ohh I really sorry about this Fizzy. Just hold on I've got another idea." Fizzy wasn't even given a chance to reply before Gong seized the end of the gummy snake and pushed it deeper into her gullet. Slowly the candy serpent was forced into the faerie's stomach. The already strained clothing stretched thinner as seams and stitches popped one by one. Both girls silently hoping they wouldn't be joining them in a similar fashion. As the last of the gummy was crammed down her throat Fizzy fell to the ground. Wings no longer able to lift her boulder of a belly. The impact being the final straw for her poor clothing before the tortured garment released its death knell as it torn to shreds. Fizzy was now nude, and grounded by a belly several times larger than her own body, but she was alive, and the sugary serpent was finally slain. "Oh-oh hell Gong! I though I was gonna die!" Fizzy wheezed out between gasping breaths. "do you still want to go to the next house, or should just head home, so you can rest?" Asked Gong. "No no I still want to keep going. There's only one house left on this street, but I...." "But what? "Do you feel sick? Did you hurt yourself?" Gong's voice was beginning to take on it's previous worried tone. "I can't move... My belly is too heavy..." "I told you this was going to happen! Splitting everything fifty fifty was a stupid idea from the start." "Well we wouldn't have had to eat everything while walking if SOMEONE had remember to bring treat bags!" "Fine I'll carry your fat butt around until we get home! Just let me finish my own gummy first." "I'm not fat. I'm full. there's a difference." The fairy mumbled to herself, as her friend resumed eating the candy snake hanging from around her neck. Choosing to take bites proved to be a much better strategy on Gong's part than swallowing the entire sucrose reptile whole, but it was also much slower. Bite after bite the gummy shrank, and Gong's belly grew. The fabric of her clothing pulled tighter and tighter, threatening to tear any second and leave her as exposed as her purple companion. As the last bit of gummy passed her green lips, Gong took notice of the effects it had on her stomach. The gigantic green orb had ballooned to the size of roughly half her body. Cramming it full with a gummy almost the same length as the goblin was tall may have been a bad idea. No it DEFIANTLY was a bad idea, but there was no way Gong would ever waste free candy!

"Ohh hell... This. This is heavy." "see not so easy is it!" Chided the bloated fairy. Her smirk would have left much more of an impact if not for her own leviathan middle. Gong struggled to lift her huge friend into her arms. A slip of her hand eliciting a sharp gasp from the massive Fizzy. "Watch where you grabbing Gong!" "Ha ha. Whoops." Gong responded. Her face red with embarrassment, as she finally succeeded in hoisting Fizzy over her head, and started the long trudge down the street.

Thud, creak,  thud, creak. Heavy footsteps pounded against aged wood. The combined weight of the two girls was less than that of a large human, but that didn't stop Gong from having a miniature panic attack as each step groaned in their wake. She laid Fizzy down near the doorstep, making sure the overstuffed fairy wouldn't tip over, and rang the bell. Inside the house hurried footsteps responded to the noise. "Like just a sec! I Need *hic* to get my costume on!" For a moment they considered walking away. Cutting their losses and going home unexploded was by no means a bad idea, but as the door swung open, and and the smell of sugary treats floated out, that thought, and really any common sense warning  the two girls about the repercussions of expanding their already massive waistlines was immediately dashed. "Like *hic* sorry about that. Can't hand out candy with out my costume now can I?" Just like the last three houses the owner was dressed in her own variation of a ghost costume, but unlike the others she seemed sort of lumpy around the middle, and Gong swore she could hear the woman emitting a noise that sounded remarkably like faint static.

"Please lady! Just please don't give us anything weird! I can't take anymore. I'm so big already." Groaned The massive Fizz. "Ohh man kid, *urp* like what the hell is wrong with your weird purple dog?" "She's fine don't worry about it. Just tell me you don't have anything on a cob, or a stick, or that you made out of snakes?" "Sorry I don't have any of those. All Ive got is some bags of these fizzy rocks, but they're like old and stuff, so they kind of melted into fizzy boulders." Answered the ghost lady, who pulled two large bags of the candy off the table next to her. They tore into the bags immediately. The woman in the ghost costume hadn't lied when she said the candies had melted together. Large crystalline chunks of candy as large as Gong's head had formed in each bag. Fizzy was devouring mouthfuls of of the hard treat, Seeming to have forgotten the incident with the gummy snake already. Gong ate at a slightly slower, but still noticeably ravenous speed. Half because she wanted this all to be over so she could lay her tired belly to bed, and half because she was too greedy to resist the the gift of free candy. "Ugghh what is this stuff?! My mouth feels all weird, and tingly!" Fizzy whined. "You got anything to drink back there lady?" "Nothing except some orange soda, and I like *hic* totally don't recommend it. "Come on lady we haven't had anything to drink all night. We're dying over here." "Wait here. Said the ghost. After a brief moment she returned from the kitchen with a six pack of orange soda that she handed over to Gong. The first can quenched their thirsts. The second was for fun. The last was because they were both too gluttonous to stop. "I feel- *urp* I feel funny. Fizzy griped. "Aww is *hic* Fizzy felling fizzy?" Gong joked. Oblivious to the fact that both of them were slowly growing rounder. "This *hic* isn't funny Gong! Look at us! We're blowing up!" "I like did try to warn you" Said the woman as she removed her costume. Putting her own bloated stomach on full display. "I've been bloated all night. Those fizzy rocks take forever to dissolve when they get old. "Fizz we need to go now! My belly is *urp* too big! It's getting hard to move!" Gong panicked as the seams of her clothing fought against the inflating green orb inside them. She grabbed Fizzy and waddled away from the house as quickly as her heavy body would allow. Within moments the sound of ripping fabric announced that her clothing had just lost the war against her still inflating gut.

Gong heaved her back into the purple boulder. It rolled slowly, but steadily in the direction of their home. Halloween had not been kind to the goblin nor the fairy. As the last light on the last porch went off signaling the end of the night's celebration both of them were left stark naked, with heavy intensely full bellies, each nearly the same size as Gong was tall. "I was kidding when I said I didn't want to roll you home earlier." I didn't think it was going to be an issue. Gong grunted, as she rolled her friend home. "Maybe your psychic?" Fizzy said. her voice thick with sarcasm. "Can you tell what number I'm thinking of right now?" "No, but I bet it's smaller than your current weight." Gong shot back. "Alright funny girl. Just watch where you going ok? You pushed me into some trash and now I've there's a restaurant flyer stuck to my boobs. What the hell even is a "thanksgiving" about?" "Sorry Fizz. I'll peel it off when we get home. I'm sure it's nothing interesting anyway. You know humans are boring.

THE END

[shellheadtmarc]

Tony/Rhodey for the Halloween meme K THX

Choses the pumpkin:  y’all need to stop assuming tony would remember the pumpkin.  spoiler: tony would not remember the pumpkin.  you know what would happen?  tony would be all ready to get started on doing the thing and realize he never picked one up.  that he was supposed to do that thing and absolutely totally forgot in the face of some business he had to take care of.  rhodey’s in a much better position to remember that kind of thing, and he’s known tony so long that he knows and understands this, and it’s just a thing that it’s his job to pick the perfect pumpkin.  and he does a damn good job every time.  because of everyone, out of everyone tony has ever known, the one person who absolutely understands how tony’s weird ass brain works and knows what features in the perfect carvable pumpkin is going to have for tony, it’s james rupert rhodes.Carves the pumpkin:  this is a team effort, let’s be honest here.  let’s not forget rhodey is literally an mit graduate, too, and that’s where tony and rhodey met, and rhodey is so fucking smart in his own way in that he is a literal rocket scientist.  anyway.  where was i going with this.  right, so it would be a team effort?  there’d be plans (that tony would absolutely harass the shit out of rhodey with because it’s important), there’d be design options, there’d be combined drafts.  it would be a thing where they put their big brains together and come up with the most awesome thing every year they can.  Gets scared and clings the other in a haunted house:  it’s always tony’s idea to go in the haunted house, because rhodey knows better.  but tony is also highly convincing when he wants to be - and as far as things go, haunted houses are way less harmful than half the things tony tries to drag him into - so rhodey will relent, and in they’ll go.  and they both try to play it cool like they’re not scared at all, because, you know, it’s a thing.  if the one of them cracks the other is absolutely not going to let them live it down, so it’s a contest to see who can successfully repress the startle impulse at jump scares or whatever.  someone always loses - there’s been plenty of times tony has jumped into rhodey’s arms and expected him to catch him and it doesn’t always work as planned - and yeah, the other one does give them shit about it, but it’s a tradition.  they’ve been doing it, anyway, since they were kids.

Matching costume idea:  listen, uh uh.  the closest they come to matching is the suits.  tony has attempted to get rhodey in on it, but so far he’s come up dry and when/if they do dress up, it’s usually unrelated.  the one time he gave in tony pouted for a week because because they went as han and chewy, and tony had to be chewy because tony’s the taller of the two.Makes a cozy bed-fort to cuddle in:  tony, as if there’s any doubt.  it, too, is something that stems from when they were kids, because tony was the type then to do it in a dorm room and drag rhodey in for stupid things like a game of uno or something else equally unproductive when they should be studying, and now it’s drag him in because he’s a needy asshole and also because they’re both super busy people and quiet time is rare (and never...actually really quiet to begin with because tony being tony).  Steal’s the other’s candy:  they’re both hella guilty of doing this.  tony has the best candy, so rhodey doesn’t feel bad at all when he takes what he wants out of it, and tony’s complaining garners absolutely 0 sympathy.  in fact, rhodey cannot be more unimpressed with tony’s faux whining.  tony pinching into rhodey’s stash is a habit that carries over from when he was still a wet behind the ears punk at mit and rhodey had the good fortune of befriending the little idiot, and it’s just something that has never stopped.  he can’t count the number of times he’s caught tony red-handed with a twizzler (belonging to rhodey) dangling out of his mouth and watches in horror as it disappears like a noodle before tony will deny it’s rhodey’s in first place.  they are grown ass successful, professional, adult men and tony stark is still pulling this shit.  and still getting away with it.  it’s a combination of an innocent face that doesn’t work and puppy eyes that totally do.Accidentally gets lost in a corn maze:  this is...actually maybe a team effort, too.  not intentionally, but still a team effort.  i think we can all agree tony is...well, he’s tony.  he’s distracting.  he and rhodey have those half serious, half outwardly snarky conversations that are nonsensical and intense at the same time, and being honest, you know they both get into them enough they kind of...lose track of surroundings, especially something as innocuous as a corn maze.  and there will be rhodey, looking up at the sky praying for strength to not strangle this idiot he’s stuck with all this time, because they have to backtrack through the maze almost to the beginning and start again, tony being shushed every time he opens his mouth, because no, he’s not starting it again.Tells spooky stories to scare the other:  rhodey’s a way better storyteller.  and have you literally, literally, ever seen the way tony looks at rhodey when he’s telling a story?  honestly.  ghost stories aren’t nearly as scary to either of them - especially now with the weird their lives have become - but tony’s a bit of a sap and will listen to rhodey read the phone book, let’s be honest with each other.  Collects cool-looking leaves:  it’s just not really a thing either of them do, i don’t think.  they’re more the type that collect things from places they’ve been anyway like...idk it starts off a million years ago with matchbooks and stuff (and menus tony has pilfered over the years from different diners/whathaveyou he’s dragged rhodey to) to other things, but leaves will never make it home in one piece.  someone will forget it’s in a pocket and it’ll get crunched up and then they’re digging leaf bits out of their pocket and...it’s just better to maybe stick to things that aren’t so fragile.

halloween ship meme : accepting : @tincanicarus

[misgivings]

Halloween candy, ranked

43. Peeps: Plumbing caulk. Leftover foam party residue. I don’t care if you made it look like a cute little ghostie. It’s still meringue with poor self-esteem.

42. Popcorn balls: At least hand out apples, Mom.

41. Weird off-brand chocolate wrapped in foil: If a candy sits in a bowl and no one eats it, is it still candy? At what point does it become an artifact?

40. Candy pumpkins: The candy equivalent of eating crown molding. This is for decoration.

39. Candy corn: Though it is similar to its pumpkin-shaped colleague, the saving grace of these most divisive Halloween candies is that you can stick them on your canine teeth and pretend to be a vampire with gingivitis. What would you call that flavor, anyway? Expired sugar? Dull resignation to the way things have always been? Be better to yourself.

38. Lollipops: Dum Dums are legit. Anything else takes too long and keeps you from eating other candy.

37. Bubblegum: See above. As a Koopa shell is in Mario Kart, so this is. It just gets in the way. Don’t get me started on Blow Pops.

36. Smarties: Some blackboard chalk magnate is cackling at the greatest scam ever pulled.

35. Swedish Fish: Like a fine malbec, one cannot appreciate Poseidon’s gummiest children until adulthood, and even then only if they have particular tastes. They’re not worth putting in a festive cauldron for all to enjoy.

34. Taffy: No one else is in on the joke, grandma.

33. Jellybeans: I want to shove candy in my mouth, not consult a chart just to figure out if I’m about to taste lemon or pee.

32. Jolly Ranchers: These are a prize for many children, enticed by a shard of glass that will turn their tongue blue. The discerning confection connoisseur knows they’re one-note and cloying.

31. Airheads: Only ranked higher than taffy because it doesn’t double as a low-cost dental filling. Softer, gentler, still inessential.

30. Nerds: These are heterosexual Pop Rocks.

29. 3 Musketeers: You get out of life what you put into it. If you put in only nougat, you become the elevator music of candies.

28. Milk Duds: I love a Milk Dud. I hate needing a Waterpik and a blowtorch to not look like Austin Powers when I’m done.

27. Pixy Stix: One one hand, I respect the simplicity of distilling the concept of candy to straight-up sugar granules. On the other hand, it’s like ordering coffee at Starbucks and just getting a cup of beans. Do a little work, man.

26. Hershey’s Kisses: This is a Christmas candy.

25. Hershey’s Bar: It’s like eating a dry baked potato. Sure, you can do it. But you don’t have to.

24. Sweet Tarts: Smarties are Olivia Newton-John at the beginning of “Grease.” Sweet Tarts are Olivia Newton-John in leather pants.

23. Sour Patch Kids: A year-round favorite of kids, and for good reason, but don’t you find all that sour sugar gauche?

22. Kit Kat: Humble and workmanlike, like a dad who works nights.

21. M&Ms (peanut): This will be an upset ranking, but I don’t care. These are not bad, but I’ve never eaten a bag of plain M&Ms and thought, “I wish this tasted like a free snack from a bar.”

20. Snickers: The prototypical candy bar. You’ve got your chocolate, your caramel, your nuts. Somehow, that chewy devil, nougat, snuck into this party. But all things considered, it’s earned its prestige.

19. Milky Way: There is a small chance I just don’t love peanuts in my candy.

18. Twix: The main problem with candy in general is that it’s not cookies. These sugary Frankenstein sticks found a crunchy, chewy gap in the market and filled it like capitalist heroes.

17. Almond Joy: A flood of tender, tropical sweetness mixed with crunchy, hearty almonds and enveloped in milk chocolate. My stance on nuts is becoming more inscrutable by the minute. I guess sometimes you do feel like a nut.

16. Pop Rocks: For the kind of Halloween that says, “I WANT CANDY TO PUNCH MY TONGUE REPEATEDLY BUT ALSO HISS INSIDE ME LIKE A MELTING SNAKE.”

15. Nestle Crunch: Look no further for evidence that texture is a major player in the confectionary Hunger Games. The defined ridges on the Crunch bar are fun to bite into; the crisped rice mixed in keeps the sensations coming with each chew.

14. Whoppers: They’re like little eggs filled with crunchy powder that taste like an ice cream treat. Weird, but good! They’ve been around in some form since the late 1930s, which is exactly the era in which you’d think someone would create something called a “malted milk ball.”

13. Lemonheads: This list has not been kind to harder candies, but Lemonheads (and to a lesser extent, their various fruit-flavored siblings) combine a sweet-and-sour lemon flavor that’s not too precious with a layered texture experience. Bonus: The creator named them after his newborn son because he thought the baby’s head looked like a lemon. Delicious and inspired by a casual insult to an infant!

12. Starburst: Picking up taffy’s slack since 1960.

11. Skittles: Just not the purple ones.

10. 100 Grand: This candy bar makes me feel like I have clear pores and a Roth IRA.

9. Tootsie Pops: See, lollipops? All you needed was a little punch of chocolate in the middle to transcend this world.

8. Dots: Soft, juicy and unique in their interpretation of a classic fruit palette. Don’t sleep on these gumdrops.

7. M&Ms (plain): Peanuts are a distraction. I meant it.

6. Reese’s Pieces: On the other hand … You’re going to start noticing a theme, and it’s that I will praise peanut butter like I’m a choosy mom who chooses bribes from the peanut butter lobby.

5. Twizzlers: Black licorice? A poisonous hose. Red Twizzlers? A delicious, edible soda straw.

4. Gummy worms: You could slot any gummy product here, because they’re all pretty legit, but the worms take the trophy home with their name engraved on it, due to the fact that they’re spooky.

3. Tootsie Rolls: It has recently come to my attention that many people dislike Tootsie Rolls. This happened when I expressed my love for it at work, and my colleagues shrieked like I’d told them our newspaper was pivoting to video. They are wrong, and I question their moral fiber. Tootsie Rolls are chewy, they have a mellow cocoa taste and they’re really hard to melt. Also, this fact, per the Tootsie Roll website, is bonkers and worthy of respect on the creepiest holiday: Inventor Leo Hirshfield’s “recipe required the incorporation of the previous day’s Tootsie Rolls into each newly cooked confection, a graining process that Tootsie continues to this day. As such, there’s (theoretically) a bit of Leo’s very first Tootsie Roll in every one of the sixty four million Tootsie Rolls that Tootsie produces each day.”

2. Butterfinger: Just enough of a peanut butter flavor to be warm and familiar, but just different enough to be its own thing. Perhaps the most gorgeous of the candies on this list — more treats should look like geologic formations when you bite into them. Crispety, crunchety orange shale forever.

1. Reese’s Cups: King candy. The reigning champion of decadence. You know you’re in charge when your name becomes synonymous with your flavor combination. When I worked at Amy’s Ice Creams, we were told the peanut butter cups were one of the most expensive crush’ns. Royalty knows its worth. Now, figure out a way to get more peanut butter in that cup.

(source)

[manako-no-yami]

Wait Until We’re Home

it’s 5am and this is unedited, but what the fuck ever, i’ve finally written something after a 2384203942385924 year long dry spell and a writer’s block just as many feet high, so.

Anyways, bakudeku domestic fluff + late night grocery shopping, as per a friend’s request.

wordcount: 1406

enjoy(?)

“Hurry up.”

The lamplight flickers, blinking at the fluttering moths searching for warmth.

“Just wait for a moment, Kacchan. You forgot to lock the door.”

There are shadows under his eyes, under both of their eyes. Deku slams the door closed, beeps the car, and hobbles over. Katsuki watches closely out from the corner of his eyes as he gingerly tests how his left ankle holds his weight, but offers no assistance. Deku never needed his help, anyway. Besides, it would do the idiot some good to take better care of himself and save him some grief. When he’s sure that he can hold his own, he turns and continues to walk down the street.

He doesn’t have to look back to see if Deku follows him, and doesn’t need to look to check when he reaches his side. Katsuki always ran hot, but Deku’s warmth is a warmth that pervades. He feels his presence, a prickle along the surface of his skin, faint, but constant. A car passes them by, faint bass beats trickling out to meet them. As the headlights shine into his eyes, then move past, their shadows revolve around their feet and stretch across the wall, a false sun rising and setting across the horizon of their own little world. Time stretches, and Katsuki can almost imagine that all the years he’s spent with Izuku at his side have passed again, in that instant.The buzz of the streetlamps, the textured shadows on the brick walls, the scuff of his sneakers on pavement, and the person at his side are all the same, all remind him of home. Deku rubs furiously at his hair, slightly misshapen and matted from dry sweat that had been trapped by his hero mask.

He wants to kiss him.

They pause briefly in front of automatic sliding doors, fluorescent lights alienating and jarring, before Deku strides forward, pulling out their shopping list and heading towards the shopping carts.

Katsuki snatches one first.

“I’ll get it this time,” he insists, hating himself for the way concern squirms in his chest and the way he notices how the tiredness around Deku’s eyes stand out now that his features are no longer softened by night.

“Kacchan, I’m fi–”

“I’ll get it this time,” he reiterates. Deku frowns.

“You bruised your ribs again.”

“You twisted your ankle.”

“You carried it last time!”

“Yeah, well Hero’s Weekly voted me ‘Most Likely to Sweep You Off Your Feet’ because of my arms, so you can shut the hell up.” Deku snorts and rolls his eyes.

“You don’t even read Hero’s Weekly.”

“Then if you don’t want me to find out, next time don’t tape clippings from shitty gossip magazines to the inside of your locker in the agency’s changing rooms,” he retorts.

Deku pouts. “They didn’t even mention your arms in that article.”

“Right, I forgot, that comment was from your notes, wasn’t it?”

Deku smacks him. “You know I don’t take notes on our pillowtalk anymore, after that one time! And we both know I can beat you at arm wrestling anyday. You’re so weird about your arms, it would do you some good to add more reps to leg day, you know.”

Well. He never claimed to not be vain.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

Deku huffs, cheeks faintly scarlet, turns away and stomps, as best as he can with a sprained ankle, anyway, towards the vegetable aisle.

“You don’t even use your arms that much to push a shopping cart,” he mutters.

He ignores that comment, knowing he already won.

“Hey, nerd, you didn’t tell me what to look for,” Katsuki calls out instead.

“Bananas, eggs, ginger, milk, noodles, soup, probably some more of those frozen dinners just in case we’re both too tired to cook and it’s too late for takeout, some snacks would be good,” he pauses and taps his bottom lip, “and some more beer?”

He had already grabbed a bunch of bananas, and so pauses in front of the strawberries, noting their freshness and the reduced price, before adding those as well. 

Deku smiles at him knowingly (sticky fingers on his jaw, murmuring in his ear, the burst of sweetness on his tongue, nose bumping up along his cheek), the heaviness of a long day lifting momentarily from his cheeks, shoulders relaxing, beaming.

“Shut it,” he grumbles, and heads towards the eggs.

He wants to kiss him.

He’s quieter today, Katsuki notes.

Deku grabs a pack of dry noodles, and drops it into the cart.

“That’s the wrong brand,” he says, after leaning over to check. “These ones always come out too mushy.”

“No it isn’t,” Deku replies. “I know you usually prefer your noodles chewy, but you’ve always liked them the way my mom cooks it when you come over and this is the brand she uses.”

Katsuki pauses for a moment to think, and grudgingly moves on to the next item on the list.

They skip the TV dinners, in favor of fish. (Deku likes the way he makes tilapia.)

Soy milk, not milk. (Katsuki is strict about morning breath.)

They squabble a bit, and settle on ice cream and shrimp chips as snacks.

“Your sweet tooth is getting out of hand,” Katsuki reprimands.

“You don’t mind that much,” Deku states, offhandedly, and Katsuki doesn’t bother to deny it.

Whoever thought to put the candy aisle near the alcohol section knows a thing or two about marketing, as is evident as by the fact that Deku stops to consider it while Katsuki grabs a six pack.

Deku crouches to grab something on the bottom shelf, but as he straightens, his ankle wobbles. Katsuki’s body moves before his brain, and he’s behind him in an instant, arms coming around his waist, muscles tightening on instinct. Deku’s elbow lands square on his bruised ribs, and Katsuki  lets out a sharp hiss.

“Sorry!” He yelps. But his hands come to rest on his forearms, braced for impact. It now comes easy to them both, catching each other when the other stumbles.

But still. He’s seen Deku fall too many times. (The fact that he stands back up every time doesn’t change the stutter in Katsuki’s heart.) Katsuki is now much more awake than he needs to be, brain jumpstarted with unwanted adrenaline, and curses himself silently.

“Idiot, you’re injured!”

“So are you! And a sprained ankle is nothing.”

“You’re the one who forgot to wrap your sprained ankle after getting it checked out. Recovery Girl told you that she didn’t heal it this time! Next time just–fucking ask if you need something. Christ.”

“You’re the one with his ass hanging out all the time. If you bend over your pants are gonna fall off. Your mother told you to fix that years ago.”

“I’ll fucking drop you.”

“No you won’t.”

“Try me.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Deku’s brows furrow.

“We shouldn’t have gone shopping today. We’re not going to cook tonight, you didn’t wrap your damn ankle, we got lucky today but most of the fresh stuff is usually gone by the time it gets this late–”

Deku tilts his head back, head resting on his shoulder, and smashes the bag of chocolate into his face. Katsuki reaches up to grab it before he lets go.

“For the strawberries?” He asks sweetly, eyes all bright and hopeful again, and his hands return to their place along his arms, fingers massaging light circles into his still aching wrists. He takes a deep breath, in and out, through his nose.

“…Fine.” 

Fuck. Deku grins victoriously in response.

He wants to kiss him.

The night air is cool, but Katsuki is always warm. Their arms brush as they load the trunk together. Deku grabs the cart before he can, sticking his tongue out playfully at him before he wheels it back. He lets him go, and watches him this time. When he returns, he walks right up to him, affectionately bumping his forehead to his chin.

“Home?”

Katsuki is silent, eyes wandering his face, hands coming up to rest on his hips. His heart pounds, overfull, fragile, a pinprick away from bursting.

He wants to kiss him.

“Kacchan?”

He wants to kiss him.

“What are you thinking about?”

He wants to kiss him.

He wants to kiss him.

He wants to kiss him.

He envisions the warm light of their bedside lamp, the blankets that are probably still unmade, the feeling of warm skin beneath his fingers.

“…Nothing. I’m okay,” he says, answering the silent question.

Not yet. 

“Then let’s go home.”

The night is cold. The streetlamps continue to flicker. The space between them is familiar, close, and warm, warm, warm.

“Yeah,” he responds.

Home.

[rhoeysama]

2017 in review: Sending off the Old, Welcoming the New

2017 has really been a mixed bag for me. Mixed in the sense that there have been some DEFINITE, significant changes in my life, both for better and for worse, and it has been much more of a roller coaster than last year. Nobody can deny that this year has been powerful in many ways. 

They say that 2017 is the Year of the goddess Kali; the year of endings and new beginnings. And this year has indeed been a year of just that, for me. (Putting this under a "cut", because it's ranty and gets off into weird territory. Sharing in case anyone is curious at all, and to celebrate sending off this year.) Cheers! And Happy New Year!

2017 has made me realize the importance of living in the present moment, and also the importance of the people dearest to my heart. It has taught me more about life than I have learned in my 31 years of being on earth as Nikki.

I think that for the first time in my life, I appreciate being alive, and I have felt my emotions at their most intense this year, like never before: grief and heartbreak, gratitude and immense joy, ecstasy, unconditional absolute and all-encompassing LOVE, compassion, blinding rage, even hate, as well as pure and unadulterated terror. It's been a big bag of candy, full of sweet milk chocolate with chewy bits of orange peel, as well as salty licorice, bitter dark chocolate and sour gummy candies that make your mouth want to cave in on itself.

2017 has made me confront my mortality, and the fact that I will, some day, inevitably die. DUH. I know. But most people don’t really think about this and go about their daily lives like Death is only a nebulous concept. Memento Mori might be this year’s mantra. It made me realize just how short, and precious, life truly is. How we have this one shot, in this lifetime and this body and this person, as we are now, to make as much of it as possible. I feel like I have spent a lot of mine not knowing what I wanted, or not having the energy to do things I wanted to do, or simply self-sabotage through procrastination and meaningless activities that really accomplish nothing. Well, I’m never getting that time back. But there’s nothing I can do about that now, except for treating each new day like a new opportunity to grow and better myself. To try harder. To do more, to be more. 

But on the other hand, I also realize now that death is just an illusion. Our whole reality is an illusion; it’s pretty much a hallucination created by our brains. It’s kind of like one big cosmic joke. We are so much more than we appear; we’re not our body, we’re not our mind, we’re not our senses, or our family, or our job, or our abilities, or the clothes that we wear, or the labels we choose to be named by. Our essence, our spirit, is who we truly are, and our spirits transcend our reality and what we believe that life is, and who we think we are. Who we think we are isn’t real; it’s a construct. A construct which crumbles and is obliterated once the time comes for us to move on. “This reality” is just the mind playing tricks on us. Is that any comfort?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

One of my most important realizations this year has been to no longer be attached to a certain outcome which, in the past, I thought would be the end of my world if it didn't happen exactly the way I envisioned it. The past looks like a prison now in comparison, whereas 1 year ago, I would have been devastated over some things and how they're turning out. I never would have guessed that my thoughts on the matter would be "You know what? I'm actually okay with this." I was far too caught up in a storyline of how everything should be and why. Part of it can be blamed on young naivete, but I'd say it's mostly insanity.

Insanity is doing the same things over and over again, and expecting a different outcome each time. Learning to trust in the Universe/whatever name one has for it, and accepting that your so-called “control” of things is pretty much non-existent is a terrifying notion, it really is, but taking that leap of faith means letting go of the fear that's been holding you tight in its iron grip. It’s very liberating, indeed. I’ve tasted it, and it was sweet. But I’m still working on letting go of the need to control. The truth is that ideals and perfectionism erode away joy, love of life, and enjoyment of the present moment, because we're far too entangled in the treacherous net of the ever-elusive hypothetical future that we’ve imagined, and worrying about the things that we can and can't do in order to get there. It’s such a waste of life. We live here and now. This is all there is!

The person 2017 has made me most proud of is my brother. He has grown into a mature, sweet, smart, funny and overall wonderful young man, and although he's shy, I could not be prouder of him and happier to call him my brother and to have him in my life. Sometimes I just tear up at the knowledge that he's my brother. He’s just one of the best people I know, and I just wish him all the best, all the blessings and only good things in life.

The person who surprised me the most this year is my father. I haven't really spoken to him over the years and didn't miss him at all. He has asked for me, but due to our history, the pain I felt because of him, I avoided him. I haven't been angry at him since a decade ago. I was 21 years old when I decided to forgive him. Not because he "deserved" it (whatever that means), but because I needed peace, and I wasn’t going to let him have the power to hurt me; carrying around the burden of anger and bitterness is exhausting. I realized that forgiveness is, in the end, not about the other person, but about You. So I forgave him. But he didn't really change; he was the same narcissistic person I have always known. But then I realized, he's a person, like him or not, he has his own struggles, has had terrible parents, and ended up being whom he is. I'm not making excuses for his behavior, but I understand that life isn't simple, and we're all flawed and make mistakes and hurt people. But the past is meant to teach us. Mistakes are meant to teach us to be better. And I can't hold it against my father, knowing that he was a different person with a different mindset. 

But now? For the first time in my life, I feel like we’re actually connecting. Started to, anyway. I’m hoping that 2018 will deepen that connection, and that we will work on our relationship and hopefully we can tear down the old to build something new, something healthy, something loving. Something based on kindness and mutual respect. 

I’ve never really made new years resolutions. But what I vow is that I want to be the best version of me that I can be, for myself, and to be a positive force in the lives of others as well. I’m still figuring out what that means, but I think that it’s really in the small things we do on a day to day basis. Small random acts of kindness. I want to be useful and leave my mark on the world. I want to make a difference. And I also want to spend more time with people I care about, and on creating art. 

So, I guess that’s pretty much it for now. Goodbye, 2017. Hello, 2018! 

[frasier-crane-style]

Star Warring

I guess I just--don’t think the sequel trilogy is doing any good with villains? 

Snoke is just Palpatine 2.0, and any opportunity of making him his own villain or a threat in his own right is wasted instead on a big tweest!

Captain Phasma I GUESS is just Kenny from South Park as a bad guy? Which is something, I GUESS, but if it is a joke, it absolutely doesn’t land. Like, did anyone watch TFA or TLJ and think her being so easily defeated after being presented so intimidatingly was a good punchline or a satisfying reversal? It comes off more as laziness. And that’s without even getting into the HUGE deal Disney made about her being a strong independent villainess who don’t need no man.

Hux is pretty much literally a Spaceballs character who’s somehow made it to Star Wars. So out of four villains, that’s fully half of them that are complete jokes. 

Kylo Ren I feel is the real failing.

Hear me out: the Imperials in the OT were essentially just space fascists, and they pulled that off. They looked cool/intimidating, there were bounty hunters to provide a little spice, a bunch of British character actors--as an abstract representation of elemental evil, you could do a lot worse.

The prequel antagonists, less so, but the Sith themselves were mostly well done (Grevious aside) and the entire concept of Palpatine playing everyone for saps to amass power is arguably prescient. 

Then in the ST, we have this school shooter/Neo-Nazi/British Empire (?) villain (note: is there really that much of an overlap between the first two? I mean, there’ve been Asian and Muslim mass shooters, and a lot of white women who voted for Trump, so what do ‘angry white men’ really have to do with anything?). But what insight does the ST really offer into Kylo Ren? 

Maybe that’s unfair, since it’s not like Palpatine or Vader were very revealing of fascists beyond ‘power-hungry and megalomaniacal’ (and later, ‘doesn’t like sand’). But heck, if we’re going to make the one and only heir to the Skywalker lineage this guy, shouldn’t we ask for a little more development there?

Is the explanation just that Han and Leia didn’t hug him enough? Because that’s pretty weak. I mean, those are the exact same issues that Austin Powers had with his dad. And if his entire deal is the importance of parental affection in preventing Sith Lords, then how come Finn and Rey are so great despite literally not having parents?

Is it that Snoke corrupted him? Okay, but who is Snoke? How did he get to Ben Solo? What did he say, do, offer, or threaten to make Ben turn? If it’s all a metaphor for child sexual abuse, okay, that’s weird in and of itself (in Star Wars, apparently, the worst and most irredeemable villain is the one that got diddled as a kid). And again, is it really that insightful? 

Isn’t most child sexual abuse carried out by family members or family friends, not weird spooky-looking monster people who jump out of bushes? That seems more like a cultural boogeyman than anything actually to do with child abuse. You might as well have Snoke be a Satanic cultist who turned Ben by planting a razor blade in his Halloween candy. And again, what does this have to do with Neo-Nazis and school shooters? Are all of them motivated by child molestation?

So I guess it’s just that Luke Skywalker tried to kill him in his sleep? I GUESS there’s something there about how, by prejudging people and looking at them as threats waiting to happen, you can inadvertently create the exact monster you were trying to guard against, but that seems out of character for Luke in the first place (or anyone else, for that matter) to regard Han and Leia’s kid as a dangerous predator in the making. It seems like Ben would have to be well on his way to the Dark Side in the first place for Luke to be so threatened by him, which brings us right back to why would he be going over to the Dark Side at all?

Oh, wait, I guess he glorifies Darth Vader. That seems weird. Where would he pick up such an attitude? It’s not like Han or Leia would be that fond of the guy--I trust that, however well Luke looks back at his dad, that he wouldn’t get into it that much with an impressionable kid. And what does that have to do with ‘the real world’? Is Kylo Ren supposed to reflect fans of the fictional Darth Vader in modern-day America? Because it seems a little hypocritical for Lucasfilm to suddenly go off about how sick and wrong it is to like Darth Vader after making him the poster boy of the franchise. Not to mention that being a big Darth Maul fan doesn’t seem to be a real problem in America. 

Or is Darth Vader meant to be Adolf Hitler in this equation? Because I don’t see how this character that’s a cross between Malia Obama and a child of WW2 war heroes would come to idolize the most despised, mocked figure in history. Seriously, imagine if an episode of The West Wing featured Bartlett’s kid deciding he was going to join the Nazi Party and bomb a synagogue. Wouldn’t you think of that as the most ridiculous, sensationalist storyline ever?

If he’s meant as symbolism for Gamergate, then the presentation of a few doxxing losers on the internet as world-destroying mass murderers would seem to be the most ridiculous hyperbole imaginable. It’d be like me writing an epic saga where people who like Miles Morales as Spider-Man more than Peter Parker are history’s greatest monsters. And also, again, what makes Kylo Ren this way? What if he reacting against so strongly? You can point to Gamergate as reacting against a growing outrage culture/social justice movement, but what is Kylo Ren so pissed about? Are there more women in leadership positions in the Star Wars universe than there once were? Not based on what’s been retconned into Rogue One and the prequel trilogy, which basically posit the OT as an anomaly.

So who is Kylo Ren, what does he actually represent, and what insight is that representation meant to get across besides “doing bad things is bad”?

Oh wait, I guess he believes that nostalgia is bad and wrong and that you have to “kill the past...” except when he believes that Darth Vader is cool and awesome and idolizes him... so I guess both nostalgia for the past and not having nostalgia for the past are marks of evil? Anyway, stay tuned for Solo: A Star Wars Story, where you’ll get to see Han and Lando and Chewie having more adventures on the Millennium Falcon, going on the Kessel Run and shooting more Stormtroopers and blasting TIE fighters aga

[fekinstuff]

Hey its the dead-ass risen Henry again at another ungodly hour. Can I get some CAWsitivity? I cant eat human flesh anymore and its absolutely KILLING me. Hahahhahaa,,, get it,,,, fuck. I just need help. Any meats you could suggest? If it helps- flesh has a chewy texture usually the way I ate it (uncooked post-death; pre-death Gaius made me at least use fire magic on it). Sorry if this ask is weird. If you dont feel CAWmfortable answering publically im still at cannibalistic-qt

Hey again Henry! Sorry to hear you’re struggling over there, I hope these suggestions help. I actually don’t think anyone’s asked for food recommendations yet? But I'm fine with answering those!

From the top of my head I think what you’re looking for is candied / caramelized meats and stuff, that tends to be chewy! Here’s a chicken recipe, heres a spam recipe. Don’t like sweet stuff? Can’t really go wrong with ribs or a pork tenderloin. I also think pot roast could work? There’s so much you can do with it to fit your tastes!

Anyways, I wish you luck in your cravings! I hope this at least gives you some ideas to get started. Of course, the rarer the steak the chewier it is, but please be careful! I really don’t want you getting sick or anything!

-Mod Ricken