#anyway regardless of whether it’s as good as i remember i do firmly believe that

[dashiellqvverty]

the thing is in my brain throam is genuinely very good in many ways but also i haven’t read it in years and it very probably is Not

[ftpverse]

touched by her hand an early FtPverse Namiku playlist

two replica kids trying to figure out what love is, and whether or not they're in it

(art source)

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-> [ listen ] <-

tracklist + liner notes under the cut

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if i'm honest with myself: all of these songs are more riku pov than they are namine, with the exclusion of "drops of jupiter" (EXTREMELY namine @ riku) and "she is", which is firmly split with the verses as namine and the chorus as riku. what about the bridge? don't worry about the bridge.

however for the sake of these liner notes i have compiled the lyrics i think best fit namine from each song followed by the lyrics that fuckor me the most about riku in (parentheses) so that it feels like we get a lyric from each of them per song.

also regardless of pov i think "i do wanna love you, i do wanna try" from 'for the nights i can't remember' is both of them probably. it makes me Feel Things about namine but it also makes me Feel Things about riku so obviously it's just both of them, even if the rest of the song swings, once again if i'm honest, towards riku pov

(but this is the artistic version of the liner notes, not the honest version)

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she is - the fray do not get me wrong, i cannot wait for you to come home for now you're not here, and i'm not there it's like we're on our own (she is everything i want that i never knew i needed she is everything)

anywhere but here - safetysuit i'd rather be anywhere but here without you (everything that i never thought could happen or ever come to pass and)

for the nights i can't remember - hedley and i do wanna love you and i do wanna try (believe me girl i'm so tired of running, i just wanna hold your hand)

drops of jupiter - train tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? one without a permanent scar? and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there? (she reminds me that there's room to grow)

shut your eyes - snow patrol just close your eyes until you can imagine this place, our secret space (shut your eyes, i'll spin the big chair and you'll feel dizzy, light, and free)

always somewhere close - lifehouse it doesn't matter where you go, you're still a part of me (i need you now, i need you next to me)

hero/heroine - boys like girls i won't try to philosophize, i'll just take a deep breath then i'll look in your eyes (i got a closet filled up to the brim with the ghosts of my past and their skeletons i don't know why you'd even try but i won't lie - you caught me off guard)

touched by her hand - tsfh (instrumental)

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some other thoughts:

this was salvaged from songs scattered across i think just 2 mixes, of which neither was a full playlist on its own. one was angst focused (meh) while the other was cutesy songs (of which like, 2/8 even fit instead of just being Cute Song To Imagine Them To, which has its place but my song choices were cringe ok. if u wanna find it you can find the tracklists buried deep in the playlists tag on this blog. playlists =/= mixes. btw. mixes are for the "you can listen to these off of 8tracks" mixes lol)

anyway yeah a lot of the songs were like. too much angst! or cute but not actually fitting! or... a christian rock song i'd repurposed which i can no longer do in good conscience in 2023. or, quite frankly, a lot of "wow my girlfriend is so great she's there to comfort all my angst yay" overtones WHICH TO BE FAIR THEY ARE BOTH COMFORTING EACH OTHER THRU SEPARATE ANGSTS THRU DEAD INSIDE BUT NONETHELESS . the tone of it was just weird for a consistent playlist to me :/

like they are allowed a bit of fun unhealthy codependence but i hate to enthusiastically frame it as riku putting namine on a pedestal like it's not a problem he's doing that. is he doing that? yeah a little!!!! but if i want to salvage a mix about that i need to make the whole mix about that and not throw it in with songs that are cute about their genuine relationship.

....also i - much like the shad mix - wanted a playlist that wasn't about the angst. so here's me fumbling to make a cute early ftp/DI namiku playlist that isn't about angst without looking up too many new songs. i succeeded!!!!!!

this also WAS supposed to be generally them for the whole of early series but also the first two songs sure are the pining period of part 1 DI haha. unfortuantely she is is THE big di namiku song to me, and i can't NOT use it, but it sure does open on 'do not get me wrong i cannot wait for you to come home' which cements us in the pining period of DI

but it's SUCH a strong opener!!!!! so much so that i actually used it in the liner notes instead of picking my other favorite namine-but-not-in-an-obvious-way "i don't know where / i don't know when / but i want you around" lol!!!! BUT THAT OPENER. I HAD TO SPOTILIGHT HTE DAMN THING. GODDAMN. ITS SO.

my probably-2011 opinions on this song - digging up the deep lore - are that this verse made me feel things about namiku wrt rebellion lol

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around When it falls in place with you and I, we go from if to when Your side and mine are both behind its indication

also the bridges are a thing that meant a lot to me in 2011 becuase they fit for a DI endgame thing i was so sure i was going to go with (namine fake dies) so "this will bring me to my knees / i just want to hold you close to me" etc was in fact. also good lyrics for them. ITS JUST THEN I DIDN'T DO THAT THING IN DI ENDGAME . but it makes me fond of the 2011 life i lived.

man. that was a lot of words about one song. what else do i got. uh.

drops of jupiter is... also an old fave.... unlike she is the lyrical association isn't quite as strong, but nonetheless i adore it a lot. also i desperately needed namine @ riku songs and this is it this is the one. hilariously upon reflection the lyrics can also be ftp sokai bUT the association i have for it with ftp namiku is REALLY STRONG lol....

secret but it's angst: "did you fall for a shooting star?" is a funny @ riku but re: the other namine lol. teehee meteor shower metaphors (I'M AWARE IT'S A REACH)

also i AM really emotional about "i do wanna love you / i do wanna try" coming from two replica kids who don't quite know what love is but want to be there for each other anyway. obviously and forever am i fucked up about that.

((HEDLEY WHY DID YOU RELEASE THIS SONG TWICE AND THE ONE TITLED "I DO (WANNA LOVE YOU)" IS JUST OBJECTIVELY A WAY WORSE SONG... i get you wanted normal pop song instead of extremely heartfelt rock ballad but i like the extremely heartfelt rock ballad okay))

otherwise uh my strongest thought is hero/heroine is also a HUGE FUCKING SONG for them to me because of the lines about skeletons in the closet and otherwise just. riku being dumbstruck in love when he didn't think that could happen to him in a positive way... it's cute.... i'm really mad that with the knowledge i have at 26 that this song is almost definitiely referencing the drug heroine in the lyrics. man.

oh and that i had like 3 potential lifehouse songs but all of them were weird on the "she is the only thing saving me from my pain" front but lifehouse as a band was importnat for me to include for them considering at the ripe age of 13 i could without fail turn on lifehouse and find a reason to be upset about repliku ftpverse to it lol. so here's an actually cute romance lifehouse song that isn't like the cliche one (you and me). also always somewhere close is good for both the pining and for their slight codependence lmao.

final thought is that musically as a song i am not as jazzed about touched by her hand as i was when i picked it out as their ~theme song~ in probably as early as 2011 (WHY IS THE INTRO BEFORE THE GOOD PART A FULL MINUTE LONG), but also, it's Their Fucking Theme Song. so i had to

anyway that's it. that's a lot of babbling about early DI namiku.

[robininthelabyrinth]

if you still want prompts, Nie Mingjue/Jiang Cheng?

Jiang Cheng was starting to think Nie Mingjue was getting bored without a war.

He wasn’t referring to the fights between the Nie sect and the Jin sect – those were to be expected, given the way the Jin sect was swanning around acting as if they’d won the war single-handedly, and in his heart Jiang Cheng rather strongly supported the Nie sect’s position on most things, though of course his shijie’s recent marriage meant he had to be delicate about expressing that – but rather how often the man seemed to end up at the Lotus Pier, helping with the rebuilding.

Not that he wasn’t helpful. He was! It was good to have someone who remembered how the Lotus Pier was before – Jiang Cheng’s own memories often got confused sometimes, dream and wish and sometimes (embarrassingly) height when it came to places that he hadn’t visited since he was a child. Nie Mingjue was seven years older and had visited several times as a distinguished guest; he had a surprisingly good memory and an even more surprising ability to put those memories down into halfway decent sketches.

He also had opinions on things, which Jiang Cheng initially refused – he wanted his old home back – but in the end even he had to admit that that one post that both his parents had complained about endlessly because everyone bumped into but which they had never bothered to rework could probably stand not to be included. And then, well, maybe a few other things, too.

Jiang Cheng had thought it would be Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli at his side during this process, squabbling over decisions to change things and remembering old memories together, but – well.

They weren’t here, were they?

Not that it made any more sense that Nie Mingjue was. He was a Sect Leader! He had responsibilities, duties, things to be doing…

“I’m making Huaisang do it,” Nie Mingjue said, when asked. “It’s good for him.”

“Did he do something to piss you off?” Jiang Cheng asked, suspicious. “He’s never going to get any good with his saber, I’m telling you that now.”

Nie Mingjue grunted, which was tantamount to admitting it.

“But why are you here?” Jiang Cheng persisted. “You could be visiting – well, anyone else. You have two sworn brothers!”

“At the Lan sect, and the Jin sect,” Nie Mingjue said, nodding.

“Yes. Other places.”

“Other sects,” Nie Mingjue corrected. “Three out of the Four Great Sects have an alliance, however informal, and that leaves your Jiang sect isolated politically.”

Jiang Cheng winced, both because it was true and because he shouldn’t have had to have someone point that out to him. Nie Mingjue wasn’t wrong that he should be spending as much if not more time building alliances as he did building his home – it was only that he was very bad at people, and diplomacy, and he didn’t like to do things he was bad at, and there was so much to do that it was easy to postpone…

After that, though, he scowled and crossed his arms defensively. “What’s your point? Anyway, it’s not as if you get along all that well with the Jin sect – with whom we also have an alliance, and a stronger one than yours. My sister is married to their heir; your sworn brother is only –”

“Don’t say it.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t say it, but they both knew it was there.

There was quiet for a moment, Nie Mingjue obviously searching for words to judge from the frown on his lips.

“You’ve seen how the Jin sect is acting,” he finally said.

“As if we shot down the sun just to make space in the heavens for them.”

“Yes, exactly. Only unlike Wen Ruohan, who never cared much for other sects, they have established ties to all Four Great Sects.”

All four, Jiang Cheng thought, and abruptly realized the problem. The Nie sect was fighting over matters of principle with the Jin sect, issues like the question of whether there should be a Chief Cultivator and if so who it should be, and his sister’s marriage to man she liked had inadvertently put the Jin sect one up – they would almost certainly start pressing him through her, now that she lived there, and he knew already that he wouldn’t be skillful enough to find a way out of it.

If the Jin sect believed they had the Jiang sect firmly on board, and with the Lans lukewarm and split equally between the two…the Nie sect would have trouble stopping them from doing as they pleased, and that would only make their arrogance so much worse.

Hard as it was to believe that was even possible.

“I think you generally agree with me in most matters,” Nie Mingjue continued.

“I do,” Jiang Cheng conceded. He didn’t mention that he also liked the man himself much more – Jin Guangshan was a nasty creature, tongue full of implications and innuendo, and Jiang Cheng always felt like he was losing something any time he was near him for too long. “How do you propose to balance the scales?”

Nie Mingjue looked pleased at how quickly Jiang Cheng had picked up on things (well, quickly now that they were talking about it, anyway). “A personal alliance will always trump a political one; that’s why your sister’s marriage when through so quickly, even putting aside the personal affection between them. If we want to even the odds, or even turn them in our favor, we should form one of those as well. A stronger one than theirs.”

Jiang Cheng snorted. “How would that work? Jin Zixuan is the Jin sect heir and married my elder, and only, sister. The only way to make a stronger tie than that would be if I married a direct disciple of your Nie sect – and no matter what he looks like in a dress, I’m not marrying Nie Huaisang.”

“If I was proposing Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue said, “I wouldn’t be here in person.”

What did that mean?

Wait.

What?

No.

“…really?” Jiang Cheng squeaked.

“If you’re willing to consider it,” Nie Mingjue said with a shrug. “I’m expected to die young; it wouldn’t be too late for you to marry a woman and have children then, if you wish to keep to your parents’ tradition of keeping only a single wife – though if you preferred to simply keep a concubine to continue your line, I’d hardly object.”

Jiang Cheng felt the distinct need to sit down.

“Naturally, any such alliance would bring significant benefits to both our sects.”

Jiang Cheng would have to be crazy to consider this.

“Let’s go inside and talk over exactly what benefits,” Jiang Cheng said, and Nie Mingjue actually smiled, however faintly – it made him seem significantly less intimidating, and much younger. “And also how you’re going to keep Wei Wuxian from trying to strangle you for seducing his shidi, regardless of the fact that he’s been formally estranged from the Jiang Sect.”

That got a huff of amusement.

Had Jiang Cheng finally found someone who found him funny?

Wei Wuxian had told him long ago to marry whoever that was, no matter what the benefits or lack thereof; it was his way of implying that finding such a person would be like finding a needle in the ocean.

…somehow, Jiang Cheng didn’t think Wei Wuxian was going to see it as being as funny as he did.

[redloftwingfeathers]

I feel like talking about the shit Zelda not only had to put up with but also what she subconsciously summoned herself and you're going to sit and listen and maybe cry with me okay? Okay.

While I don't think that was very cash-money of 'Hylia' to make Zelda wait until she's reached true, unrelenting despair to finally find her light, it made me wonder how everything came into play that made her journey so painstakingly hard, and not just Hylia pulling fast ones from the clouds. (Trust me I wanted to blame the goddess so bad after that moving performance at the spring of power but wait!! there's more!)

Things I'm looking at are specifically Zelda's anxieties of wanting to be a scholar but having to throw herself to the dogs of religion to keep Rhoam happy, the HEAVY depression she carries with not just from the loss of her mother but also just constantly being berated by her father and feeling like she's not good enough for Hylia, the jealousy and anger she harbors towards Link in their beginnings and how it effects her growth.

All of these are things (coming from someone who is very mentally ill) are ingredients that distract Zelda from her goals, intentional or not.

Zelda has a classic case of "I wanna do This Thing (studying, traveling) but I have to do That Thing (religion, strict orders) instead and now the fun is sucked out of it and my mind is buzzing and now I don't know what to do girl (hylia) HELP"

What's even worse is despite her hand-picked maturity, she KNOWS what is right and what she needs to do (her level of self awareness is impeccable sometimes) but she is still just a child in the end, wanting to live her life without dictation, which causes frustration and anger and can lead to self-doubts.

Starting with the loss of her mother, Rhoam claims that Zelda did not cry at all during the ceremony, and that it proved to him he could still be a strong king with how unwavering his daughter was. And although that's shown as an "awe inspiring" moment, it shows Rhoam does not understand how the processing of grief registers differently amongst people, especially children. She may have not showed it when she was, what, 6? (Not every normal 6 year old understands the fragility of mortality) but you can definitely see it affects her later on as Zelda grows older. It may not be entirely visible at first, but the way they portray it in HWAoC (I know its not entirely canon but bare with me on this) she longs for her mother's advice and comfort when her pleas and ideas fall deaf on the king's ears. Her mother seemed to be a very wise and compassionate queen, where Rhoam is a wise and a very bite-the-bullet king.

When stakes are high he trusts what he thinks needs to be done, and he enforces Zelda to finish her training Because she is part of his plan to push back the calamity. He knows protocol, and there's no room for creative thinking when the land of Hyrule is in danger. (Disclaimer: I hate Rhoam but I can also try to see what Nintendo was doing. He's not intentionally mean, he's an assertive dad that wants to see his daughter succeed (and also hella depressed) but he's really fucking bad at it and comes off as a dickhead. He is the embodiment of a boomer that does things the old fashioned way to get things done).

But all of this pressure he is putting on her, taking away things that make her happy so they don't distract her from her duty, shooting down her ideas because he wouldn't know how to even approach it from his standpoint, it really does a number on Zelda and really births her insecurities.

No matter how hard she prays and dedicates herself to Hylia, it doesn't work. Her mind is distracted, filled with fear and very little hope that the magic isn't Working. What even kicks me in the jaw more is that she's putting all of her effort into these prayers, and it's not even her wish she's making. It's Rhoam's wish. Her Ancestral Family's wish. That's why it hasn't sparked. She's praying on the behalf of her father and ancestors and not herself because she firmly believes there's other ways to settle the score. Zelda knows the importance of her role but its just not clicking when someone else is forcing you to do it. It just doesn't work like that.

Moving onto her liaison with Link, she is, well, in the beginning very irritated with him. Even a little bit after being chosen by Fi. But I don't think she MEANS to be angry at Link, he didn't do anything wrong in all honesty. She shouldn't take out her anger on him, but she's jealous, and he exists...so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When Link is suddenly chosen by the sword at a drop of a hat?? Yeah she's relieved, but there's also undertones of resentment. All of her Champions are here at the ready and she's still trying to figure out what shoe goes on first. She is the goddamn Princess of Hyrule, one who carries the blood of Hylia in her veins, and this random tiny knight who, mind you, fought tooth and nail to be her escort ends up finding his role before her? She is riding the struggle mule up Mount Lanayru (and I don't really blame her). And when she's exploring the shrines?? She makes it very clear to him she can work independently and does not need an escort, which although understood (freedom is a peace everyone strives for) she is careless regardless of her careful planning and efforts. She's a Princess, wandering Hyrule unarmed (and without her powers) with a horse as her only mode of transportation. You won't see yourself as a target even if they're pinned on your back, and with her determination to utilize these mysterious shrines as more Sheikah tech is being discovered is making her blind in remembering where she's placed in social status. It's dangerous, and I'm glad Link is there to see what she fails to see.

That's another thing too. As they progress and strengthen their friendship, Zelda sees Link as a mirror to question what her role really means. She uses him as guidance to help understand her situation, asking him "If you were told your whole life This is what you're meant to do, to take up your family's legacy...but one day realize this isn't what you want, would you still take the path you've been told to take?" In this case I think it's safe to say this is what Link knew he wanted. He loves being an aid to those in need, and becoming a knight despite following his father's path, this felt like his true calling. The spirit of the hero is VERY strong in his soul, and when he sees someone in need of help [Zelda] he's going to aid them whether they want it or not.

But Zelda still feels so lost, she feels so disconnected from her ancestors, as the previous daughters in the royal families were Given their powers at birth and meant to be awakened when the time has come. They were all given the gift of premonition, to be a medium for Hylia and a messenger of the gods, and overall able to keep Ganon away from the world no matter how many times he crawls back from the depths of hell. Being told your whole life you're meant to be like your ancestors, but not being able to fulfill any of those roles? It makes the past seem like one giant fairy tale when in you're in BotW Zelda's shoes.

No voices, no premonitions, no secret awakenings...Nothing.

At this moment, I finally understood why Urbosa said to Revali about Link. She said he is a constant reminder of Zelda's own failures. Link found his calling by following his instinct. Zelda has yet to figure out what she really wants, and is clouded by judgements not only from her father and people, but from herself too. With every passing day she is undergoing a meltdown, questioning if she is even meant to be apart of this whole plan anymore, probably something among the lines of "Was it meant to be someone else? I'm the only daughter, and yet I can't even do my one job." She lost everyone and everything, she's frightened, it feels like she's lost her faith in the gods, or even dare say, the gods lost faith in her.

But through absolute despair when Link just about gives his life for her protection, that's when it all clicked. She found her power and strength through Link, who was the one that, all this time, taught her about what she needed to do to awaken her powers without even directly telling her. Every conversation she had with him, she saw herself in Link. She saw all the effort he gave into becoming a royal knight, the unwavering determination in his eyes with every Lynel he slew, a never ending supply of optimism and hope no matter how high the stakes were. And yet he was also Free. He followed his path blindly, not even knowing where he'd end up, as long as he knew he was

able to protect those in need. And she wanted that.

He was her mirror, and Zelda managed to awaken herself when that mirror cracked.

Living the burden of being part of a prophecy and saying you're ready for anything, is very reckless. Understanding the heaviness that comes with sacrifice is not truly understood until it starts happening to you.

Zelda found her wish, her independence through Link. Her mind is finally clear and she understands what her role means in all of this.

She is meant to protect, to save, to understand more than just personal loss.

Zelda couldn't stand by idly anymore after everyone told her to do something else and let others handle the job. That was the last straw when Link stood in front of her, shield weak but at the ready when that guardian approached. She saw the desperation and said NO, which finally broke her seal. She chose to sacrifice herself, igniting her powers just as Hylia did for her people. She chose to save her last, literally dying hope, because Ganon cannot be fought alone.

He was the connection, the literal link, she needed to awaken her powers. And I just find that so fucking great.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk I've been typing this for like 4 hours now

[aricazorel]

10. An alternate ending to an episode or scene?

Thank you for the ask! Sorry it took me a while to get to it...

This is from a meme about things you might have done differently from a movie/series/video game you like. I can't find the original meme because my timeline ate it but anyway...

This is for Mass Effect 1. Kaidan Alenko x Rebecca Shepard. 2933 words. The scene is the part of the debriefing after the Virmire mission if you choose to save Kaidan. I don't necessarily like the dialogue choices during the debrief or the conversation you can have right after. To me it didn't deal with the consequences of the choice made on Virmire very well, especially if Kaidan and Shepard were together. Here's my version:

"Why me?"

“I can’t believe Ash didn’t make. How could we just leave her down there?” Kaidan said in quiet shock during the debriefing after the Virmire mission. His words giving voice to everyone’s thoughts. While a success, that victory had come with a price. A high price.

“Williams knew the risks going in. She gave her life to save the rest of us,” Commander Rebecca Shepard said evenly, honestly. The Lt. knew what she said was true. They all did, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear.

“Why me?” Alenko pushed, his expression one of incomprehension. Everyone knew the bomb would have gone off regardless of whether he had been saved or not. No one had questions the command decision Shepard had made on Virmire. Everyone knew the stakes and supported the call that had been made, placing no blame on their commanding officer.

“We had to leave her behind. Saren has to be stopped. At anycost,” Shepard explained, pushing aside her own regret and guilt to help her Lt. deal with his own.

“Why not her?” he asked with soulful eyes. The very eyes she had come to know so well. The ones she looked to for reassurance and sometimes guidance. Something she had never done before with anyone, not since becoming an N7. Now they looked for a reason for the outcome of the mission, someone or something to blame.

“There was no time. I couldn’t save you both.” She admitted the awful truth in a quieter tone, knowing full well the rest of the group could still hear her. This wasn’t a conversation they should have in front of others, but he needed something, and she couldn’t deny him that. “I’m sorry, Kaidan. I wish there had been another way. But there wasn’t. You know that.”

“I know. And I am grateful,” Kaidan replied, his expression softening. That did not stop him from stating the exact cause of her own guilt whether it was true or not. “But Ash died because of me. Because of us.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault,” the Commander stated firmly, in her most even command voice. Willing herself, Kaidan, and everyone else in the room to believe it. Hoping simply saying it was enough. “The only one to blame here is Saren.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m—We’ll get it done.” Kaidan resumed his professional demeanor as he swiveled in his chair back to the center of the room. It was typical Alenko behavior and totally appropriate for what they had just gone through. The minor outburst however was not characteristic of the Lt. and she was sure he would insist on forgetting about it later. Maybe even apologize for it. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t unwarranted.

The rest of the debrief proceeded as all the others had except for the somber mood and the empty chair beside Kaidan. Everyone filed out of the room when it concluded except Shepard who walked over to the consoles to update the Council on current events. As she did, the N7 noted Alenko waiting near the door as she punched up the comm channel for the Council. She turned just enough to see his face, his expression stoic. But his whiskey-colored eyes longing for something. What that was she wasn’t sure and until the next part of her job was completed…

She nodded at him even though he appeared to want to say something. She turned from him before he could as the Council appeared before her. Whatever he wanted to say would have to wait. It always had to wait…

~ ~ ~

After the praise and reprimand from the Council, Shepard checked in with Pressley before descending to the crew deck, fully intending to retreat to her quarters. Of course, that had been before she’d seen Kaidan checking over the auxiliary ops panel right beside the door to her quarters. She had suspected for a long time that he checked the panel more than necessary so that he’d have a legitimate excuse to catch her attention and talk to her. Normally she did not mind it. In fact, she enjoyed their impromptu conversations. She enjoyed being around him period but right then…

The Commander paused a few feet from her quarters, staring at the dark colored metal of the doors. She closed her eyes. She could avoid it. Call everything off. No longer acknowledge the growing relationship between himself and the Lt. After Virmire she should but…

The memory of pleading whiskey brown eyes flashed in her mind. Damn it. She couldn’t leave it the way things were. He deserved more. Ash deserved more.

She opened her eyes and walked the few steps required to reach the console…and Kaidan. She stood silently beside it, waiting for him to say something. She didn’t trust herself to start the conversation, waiting to know his state of mind first.

She watched him take a breath and then wipe his brow. He slowly turned towards her as he asked, “Anything you need, Commander?”

His tone was formal, just like it had been at the beginning of their mission. Fine. She could start out that way, though she knew that’s not how this would end. But she needed to be straight with him. For both of them. For Ashley. “I wanted to see how you are dealing with Ash’s death.”

“Dealing…ma’am,” Alenko replied slowly. His tone even, professional still. Maintaining eye contact. All the signs of a good officer. But that wasn’t what she wanted but maybe that’s what he did. “Sorry for anything I said back there. Adrenaline.”

She nodded. She had expected him to apologize, to downplay what had occurred. She doubted anyone else would actually mention it either. Everything was still too fresh but this—the guilt and blame needed to be addressed before anything else happened. Before it adversely affected the mission. Before it came between them…if there was a them. “I understand. I don’t like losing people either.”

“I’ve served for years but never lost a soldier under my command. Not to hostile action anyway,” Alenko admitted. Even though he had not been directly in charge of the mission, he still outranked Ashley. He had survived while a subordinate hadn’t either because of luck or personal relations. Maybe both.

Regardless the personal question the Lt. asked next was not the one she had anticipated. “If you don’t mind my asking, how did you deal with the loses on Elysium?”

It wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. It wasn’t what would help her deal with Ash’s death. Not really, but maybe it would help him. If that was the case, she would indulge his question. “It was my job to get everyone out safe. I failed. I vowed not to let that happen again. Same here. I’ll remember her, and I’ll do better for her.”

“Yeah. I guess that is all we can do. Thanks for the advice, ma’am.” He responded with respect and professionalism. She expected no less from the Lt. she had come to know and rely on. What bothered her was the fact he wasn’t questioning her further about why she had made the call. Sure. What she had said back in the conference room made sense and was true but didn’t he want to know more?

She had come to accept that Kaidan kept his emotions in check partially because he saw it as being professional. But more importantly it helped ensure his biotics remained in check. But would this really cause him to lose control?

When she didn’t move to leave, he asked, “Is there something else, Commander?”

She frowned. “Yes. I thought you might need to talk to me.”

“Isn’t that what we just did?” he asked, his tone almost sounding flippant. Maybe he was trying to lighten the mood, maybe he was trying to act normal. Either way she wasn’t buying it.

“Kaidan, that’s not what I meant,” she said as evenly as possible, dropping rank and protocol. Maybe she needed to confront what had happened more for her benefit instead of his. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t help him too.

“Then what did you mean, Commander?” the Canadian officer asked as he crossed his arms, his stance becoming silently defensive. His whiskey-colored eyes boring into her, not pleading with her like before.

He had apologized for the outburst. He had accepted her explanation to his questions. He said he understood that it was Saren to blame and not either of them. He had thanked her for sharing how she had coped with Elysium. He remained calm, rational, professional. Yet in that moment that was not what she needed.

Maybe she needed someone to feel the way she did. To question her. To not just accept her decision. To acknowledge that she had lost a friend too…

The great Commander Shepard needed more than just the acknowledgement of her subordinates, a pat on the back from her superiors, the thanks of the masses for doing her duty. Rebecca Shepard needed to know that she hadn’t crossed a line. That she hadn’t sacrificed a good soldier, a friend for selfish reasons. That she wasn’t turning into the monster she was supposed to fight.

Her confidence faltering as her Lt.’s eyes continued to bore into her, she began turning away. “I—Forget it, Kaidan. I—I won’t take up anymore of your time.”

The Commander façade she wore for others, for her own sanity sometimes, was fading quickly. She couldn’t let anyone see the cracks, to chance someone seeing what laid beneath. That she was not what everyone thought she was. She couldn’t let Kaidan see that part of her, not when he might actually blame her for Ash’s death.

Maybe she was to blame. Maybe she had been selfish. Maybe there had been a way to save Ash or a way to save them both. If she had only tried harder, if she had been quicker, smarter, more determined—

“Commander?” Alenko’s voice called out to her as she faced the door to her cabin. Was that concern she heard?

It didn’t matter. She was responsible for those under her command, and she’d just lost one more. A friend, and she wasn’t sure if it had been because of her personal relationship with a subordinate.

“I—I should leave you to—I have reports to file—I—”

“Rebecca.”

Her name. Her given name. The utterance of it was like a slap in the face. She wasn’t Rebecca to anyone on the Normandy. She was the Commander or Shepard. Only one person had called her that…

Her head turned of its own volition to the source of the voice. Whiskey brown eyes no longer bored into her. Instead, they studied her with concern and worry. She shook her head. “I can’t.”

She rushed into her quarters without further explanation. As the doors shut behind her, she stood in the middle of her room. The emotions from the Virmire mission breaking through the carefully constructed barriers she had erected. Very few times since becoming an N7 had she had those walls break but this time…This time was different. She was solely in charge of the mission, her own crew, her friends, her enemy. If Saren won, if she allowed the loses Saren inflicted on them to wear her down then it would all be for nothing.

Ash’s death would be for nothing. But did she have to die? Had it been a needed sacrifice? Was it the right choice? Was choosing who lived and died ever a right choice? He was right to blame her. It was all on her. She was the Commander. That’s all she was—

“Rebecca,” an all too familiar voice called from behind her as the doors to her cabin hissed shut.

She closed her eyes. He wasn’t supposed to be there. It was her fault. He blamed her.

“Rebecca, talk to me.”

“No.” How had he gotten in? Had he actually used the door code she’d given him? It would have been the first time then…

“Please talk to me. I’m—”

Shepard turned around, glaring at him. “How can you want to talk to me? I’m responsible for what happened! For what—For what happened to Ash! I—”

“That’s not what you said in the briefing,” Alenko said, taking a step towards her. He stood with his arms spread wide, showing he was not a threat. “You said Saren was to blame.”

“Of course I did!,” she all but screamed. “The bastard is responsible but so am I! I’m the one in command. I made the command decision that killed Ash!”

“The Geth killed Ash not you,” Alenko corrected as he bridged the remaining space between them. “Ashley would not want you to do this to yourself.”

“What does it matter? She’s gone, and she’d not coming back. What difference does it make? Why do you care?”

“Because I care about you! Because you aren’t to blame! Because you aren’t alone!” he said loudly, nearly nose to nose with her.

Shepard didn’t flinch. Instead, she stared blankly at him, saying barely above a whisper, “I’m always alone. I have to be…”

Strong arms suddenly grabbed her and pulled her into a tight embrace. A hand cradled her head as the other rested securely around her waist. A quiet voice murmured into her ear, “You are not alone. Not anymore.”

She wanted to protest, to tell him he was wrong, to order him to leave but no words came out. Instead, she went limp against him, relying totally on his strength for support. Kaidan accepted her dead weight without complaint as she began crying, her sobs muffled by his shoulder.

As Alenko held onto her tighter, he said with raw emotion, “You aren’t to blame. You were right. Saren is responsible. Ash knew what could happen. We all did. She went out the way she wanted to. With honor. Saving those she served with. Saving those she called friend…We didn’t kill her.”

Shepard threw her arms around Alenko as he sunk to the floor with her, both resting on their knees as she shook her head. “I tried…I tried to think of something. Anything. I didn’t want her to die…I—”

“I know, Rebecca. I believe you,” the Lt. soothed as he ran his hand through her red hair. “She trusted you to make the right call and you did. Remember? She said she didn’t regret a thing. You can’t either.”

She pulled at the back of his shirt as she fisted the material. “How can you believe that? I’m the Commander and she died on my watch.”

Kaidan pulled back just enough to see her face. He smiled down at her tenderly. “Because I know that you are more than the Commander. I know that you are human just like the rest of us. And I know you feel her death just like the rest of us.”

“But why—”

“Because I know the woman behind the Commander,” he said gently as he cupped her cheek. “I know Rebecca.”

“Kaidan,” was all the N7 could say as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. He didn’t blame her after all. He understood what she was going through. He didn’t see her as just a soldier or commander or CO. He recognized that she was human too. That she felt the weight of every decision she made and its consequences—good or bad.

“I’m right here, Rebecca,” he soothed as he moved them to sit on the deck plates. “And I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”

She held onto his shirt tightly, refusing to give up her anchor. She knew he would stay. He would always do the right thing, say the right thing, be the good man that he was. He wouldn’t judge her because of the actions of another. He understood both the burden of command and the human emotions beneath.

He understood her.

Drawing strength from Kaidan, she knew nothing could bring Ashely back. At the same time a part of her recognized that the words he had repeated back to her were also true. Neither of them was to blame and if she had made a different decision more people may have perished.

They would do better next time. They would do better for Ash. They would end Saren, and she would make sure the galaxy knew a Williams had made that victory possible. Ashley did not die in vain. She was a hero and a friend.

And for those reasons, Rebecca Shepard would continue to fight the good fight with the continued support of those she had come to call more than comrades in arms. Those that she called friends.

Why me he had asked. But it wasn’t just a question he asked in that the one instance. It was a question she asked herself every day. Even with the knowledge that Kaidan knew the real Shepard and that Ashely both knew and accepted her fate, the question remained.

Why me?

And the answer was always the same.

Because she was the only who could. But this time it would be with the knowledge she had people who believed in her not just because she was bound by duty.

Kaidan believed in her.

Ash had believed in her.

Why me?

Because she wanted to, she had a personal stake in it now. Not just because she could.

Why me?

Because she chose to. To honor those lost. To honor Ash.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[tahitianmangoes]

Absolution

Pairing: Micah x Arthur Summary:   Micah often felt like he and Arthur were two sides of the same coin. Whether or not Artur shared that sentiment, ever since an encounter out west, inexplicably they keep finding themselves pulled back to one and other. Smut | Not canon compliant 

Chapter One -  Two Sides of the Same Coin

Chapter Two

It was hard to believe that less than a day ago, they had been in the sticky New Austin heat and now, Micah Bell was spending the night freezing his balls off in some godforsaken outhouse half way up a mountain with Bill Williamson snoring loudly beside him.

Things turn on a dime, Micah knew that better than most.

Micah doesn’t sleep. He’d been part of the Van der Linde gang for around six months and that was probably one of the few things that people really knew about him. No one cared to ask why he didn’t sleep, not that Micah would tell them anyway. He would usually sit around the campfire, sharpening his hunting knife or cleaning his revolvers. Sometimes sleep would get the better of him and he’d be woken up by the sudden jerk of his head falling forward onto his chest and that’s when he would hear it - that voice that still struck fear into him even twenty years on: Do it!” The voice screamed at him, “prove to me you ain’t the yella bellied coward you say you aint, boy!”

Just one day ago, Micah had been doing just that, sitting at the campfire in their camp outside of Blackwater. His hat was pulled low but he was listening, he usually was; he could hear John Marston and Abigail Roberts squabbling as usual, he could hear Lenny and Jenny twittering like lovebirds and Reverend Swanson’s drunken singing off in the distance somewhere.

It was Dutch and Hosea that Micah was listening to, though. They were arguing in Dutch’s tent. Dutch was playing his gramophone in a bid to muffle them but Micah didn’t have to hear them to know what it was about; Hosea didn’t think they should do the ferry job the next day. Hosea and Arthur had a lead, what it was Micah hadn’t asked but probably something akin to a theatre vaudeville performance if he knew Hosea Matthews at all. Micah wasn’t a fan of all of the conmanship - it felt underhand. Of course doing what he did, going in all guns blazing, was no better but it didn’t feel as sly - you knew where you stood with a gun being pointed at your head.

Micah was told that Dutch and Hosea used to have more of a united front, in more ways than one but it looked to Micah as if this had run its course.

To Micah, Dutch and Hosea seemed so very different; Dutch was charismatic, charming and spoke such pretty words and had big ideas. He was an optimist, believing that he could change the world and Micah believed him, so did everyone else for the most part. Hosea on the other hand was a pessimist. He sat around the camp with a dark cloud over him, picking Dutch’s plans apart and doubting him at every turn. Dutch, of course, was as patient as a saint with his partner - more than lenient with him in Micah’s opinion - but even a saint has their limits.

So Dutch had proceeded without Hosea this time, entrusting Micah with helping him with this job. It didn’t go unchecked by Micah that this was a big deal; he had been part of the gang for less than a year yet Dutch trusted him to help him with this job. He had to do his best to impress Dutch because who knew where this could lead…

Micah had never known the gang so quiet or sombre the night before a big job. Some people retired early but Micah knew they weren't sleeping, they just didn't want to talk about it. Charles disappeared for guard duty, Javier wasn’t playing guitar and Arthur lay with his hat over his face so Micah couldn't see him but he had a feeling that he was listening hard to Dutch and Hosea too.

For a few moments, Micah let his attention settle on Arthur Morgan - Dutch’s right hand man. Arthur didn't like Micah much but Micah got the impression that Arthur didn't like many people. Arthur had intrigued Micah ever since Micah had joined the gang. From what he understood, Arthur had been taken in by Dutch and Hosea when he was just a kid - it sounded like something out of a boyhood dream, to be taken care of and raised by outlaws… Whether Arthur was grateful or not, it wasn't clear; he was sullen and surly, got that moody cowboy thing down to a T. Always complaining about something or other. He was as stubborn as a mule and as dumb as a dog yet Micah was drawn to him inexplicably.

Maybe if things had worked out differently, he would have been more like Arthur. If his daddy had been a fine man like Dutch. Maybe Micah and Arthur were two sides of the same coin… Micah wondered if Arthur saw that they weren't so different, too. Regardless, Arthur avoided Micah wherever possible, especially after what had happened out at Gaptooth Ridge…

Micah let his thoughts settle back there for a while. It wasn't a particularly happy memory but one he played over and over to himself, trying to work out what it meant. Maybe it didn't matter anymore. So why did he keep thinking about it? Letting himself get lost in the gentle morning sunlight again and again when he closed his eyes, imagining Arthur lying beside him, feeling the heat coming from the younger man and remembering the look in those brilliant blue eyes...

He often wondered if Arthur thought about it too. Right now, in the small, delipidated building on the mountain, he thought of Arthur in the next building over and wondered if Arthur couldn't sleep either.

****

Sooner or later, a job's going to go wrong and boy oh boy, did the ferry job go wrong. Maybe they'd been set up because no sooner had the ferry been too far out for them to retreat, there were Pinkertons and lawmen everywhere. Everyone had been whipped into a frenzy, John Marston , Mac Callander, Davey Callander and Jenny Kirk had all gotten shot and the latter hadn't made it out alive. Charles Smith injured himself and Sean Maguire was taken captive by some bounty hunters. And then Dutch shot that girl...

It was a mess. Micah had never seen a job go so wrong so quickly, not since him and his daddy...

They'd managed to flee to camp, to pack up in record time though things were lost and misplaced along the way and Dutch told them that they were heading north. "North?" Hosea repeated looking sceptical. "North." Dutch replied firmly. "We gotta get outta here and we got get outta here fast." "What... What happened on that boat, Dutch?" Hosea asked sheepishly. Dutch turned his dark eyes to his partner and said solemnly, "nothing good."

Dutch had meant north as they headed deep into the mountains of Ambarino. Soon, a terrible storm set in. The snow swirled around them and Miah could hardly see three paces in front of him if it weren’t for his lantern. He followed the caravan blindly, his loyal Missouri Foxtrotter Baylock stepping carefully through the snow that came almost to the horse’s forearm.

He accompanied Arthur and Dutch in the hopeless pursuit for supplies once they found somewhere to settle. All they found was O'Driscolls and another mouth to feed, a woman named Sadie Adler. Exhausted and freezing, Micah curled up on the floor of the building he'd been delegated to with Bill Williamson, Lenny Summers and Charles Smith. He dozed for a short while but he heard that voice again, piercing his slumber and jerked awake to find that light was seeping in through the cracks in the rotting wood of the structure.

That next day was calmer, as if the storm before had never happened. Outside was bright, the cold sun reflecting off of the untouched snow.

Javier Escuella shivered around a small fire. He’d been outside all night on guard duty. Javier was warmer to Micah than Arthur or even Hosea. He wasn’t brooding or stoic, he could take a drink and a joke and Micah liked that about him.

He wasn’t dressed for the cold, a poncho slung over his shoulders and a denim jacket the only thing between him and the sub-zero temperature only made worse by being sent up a mountain earlier that morning with Arthur to rescue John Marston who’d gone and got himself lost in the storm.

“Are you taking me off?” Javier asked, tired eyes looking hopefully at Micah. “Dream on,” Micah replied gruffly. There was no way he was taking up guard duty out in the cold without orders from Dutch. Javier narrowed his eyebrows, looked like he might want to argue but maybe didn’t have the energy.

Micah warmed his hands briefly by the fire, not that he could feel them and if he didn’t hold them out in front of him, he could have sworn that they had fallen off in the night. Javier muttered something inaudible before disappearing towards the stables.

They had managed to find a place up on this godforsaken mountain, a place that could hold all of them - for now. It looked to have been a mining town at one point but long abandoned now, most of the buildings still stood but were derelict, some beyond repair. They wouldn’t be able to stay for long - sure Pinkertons might not be dumb enough to follow them up here but they’d most likely starve, freeze to death or both if they didn’t leave soon.

Micah never thought he’d miss their camp out of Blackwater, god knows he’d been complaining about wanting four walls and a roof over his head but he hadn’t factored in the snow...

As Micah moved away from the fire, he could hear voices coming from the next building. He recognised the familiar low rumbles of Arthur Morgan. Before Micah had time to move, Arthur and Dutch spilled outside, Hosea hovering in the doorway.

“Arthur, we’ll starve up here,” Dutch was saying. His voice had changed over the past couple of days - he sounded tired, desperate in a way but not yet defeated. “Dutch, I ain’t no hunter.” “I know, son. But we got no supplies here - Miss Grimshaw and Mr Pearson did their best but… We got a few cans from the Alder woman’s homestead and we can’t ask Charles to hunt with his hand in the state it is…” “I don’t know what I can do.” Dutch looked up and caught sight of Micah “Take Mr Belll here with you, go scouting. There’s gotta be something else up on this miserable mountain,” he said. Micah knew he was grasping at straws if he was suggesting that the pair of them went out scouting together. Arthur heaved a sigh, not needing to say anything. Dutch continued, “You’re two of the fittest men we got …I wouldn't normally ask like this. Please, son. We gotta try. People are dependin' on us.”

His voice was soft and coaxing, he usually used that voice when he wanted something from Arthur and Arthur usually fell for it. This time was no different. “Fine.” Arthur muttered in a tone that suggested that it was anything but fine.

The pair of them looked at each other; it wasn't the fact they were being asked to go scouting but the fact they were asked to go together.

****

They rode in silence for what seemed like a long, long time, Arthur just up ahead of Micah, obviously not interested in small talk.

These mountains were all but barren - they saw some deer that fled too quickly for either Micah or Arthur to pull their rifle out, heard the echoes of a distant grizzly bear washing over them periodically but nothing else.

"Maybe we should just head back now." Micah suggested after over an hour of them riding away from camp and seeing nothing but more snow. The sun would soon be going down and the last thing they needed was to be stumbling about in the dark. "Jus a little further…" Arthur muttered. Micah knew Arthur didn't want to let Dutch down - he never did.

So they carried on, climbing and following a trail so buried by snow it was barely visible. Once they reached the top of the climb, a basin came into view - a frozen lake surrounded by trees whose leaves had never cared to grow back and at the top of the frozen lake was a small cabin.

The pair urged their horses towards the cabin, a spark of hope for the first time in days. Arthur went to knock on the door only for it to swing open at his touch. The cabin consisted of one room: a small cot was pushed up against one wall, a table was in the centre of the room beside a fireplace. There were various cupboards and chairs but not much else. It looked like someone had been there once upon a time but not now. Everything looked to be covered by a thick layer of dust but there were provisions - mainly canned goods. On the table was rancid bread and cheese that was covered by mould and newspaper clippings that when Micah inspected them, saw they were from three years prior.

"Well, looks like they won't miss this stuff," Micah said more to himself than Arthur as they set about taking whatever they could. It wasn't a huge haul but it would be enough to feed them for a day or two when added to what they found in the Adler house. “This oughta keep us goin’ til we get off this goddamn mountain.”

There was a pause before Arthur shot back, “we wouldn't be stuck on this goddamn mountain if it weren't for you."

Micah turned to look at Arthur now. He was older than Arthur by around five years, they were around the same height, give or take an inch or so, both blond however Arthur’s hair was more a fawn colour and looked soft to the touch. Both had blue eyes, Micah’s icy and Arthur’s rich like the ocean. He was broader and more muscular than Micah who was perhaps thirty pounds heavier than Arthur and couldn’t boast of the same brawny frame as the younger man. Arthur was handsome, even if he couldn’t see it. Maybe Micah resented that, resented the way that his uncomplicated good looks often made things easier - women around the camp didn’t look at Arthur with the same repulsion they did Micah and maybe even Arthur’s looks meant that he was treated more favourably by Hosea and Dutch - not having to go on guard duty, always getting a tent with a cot and having any mistakes he made glossed over so easily...

Different sides of the same coin

Micah drew himself up to his full height before responding. “And how'd you come to that conclusion, cowpoke?” Micah asked, rolling his eyes at Arthur. Arthur always had something to say about him or the way he conducted himself.

“If you hadn’t egged Dutch on with all the ferry crap, we’d be well on our way to gettin’ ourselves some land. Me an’ Hosea had it covered-” “Sure looks that way,” Micah retorted with a sneer, “what was it this time? Hosea pretendin’ to be an college professor or maybe a magician? And you his pretty assistant? Or maybe you was both dressin’ up as ladies and stealin’ from a church fund?” “I have had enough of you!” Arthur snapped, “all you done since you joined us is cause problems, an’ now we lost Jenny, Davey, maybe Sean and Mac too!” “Less mouths to feed don’t sound like a problem to me, cowpoke.”

Arthur made a sound similar to a growl. Micah saw his fists ball, Arthur was the type to settle his scores with fights rather than words, maybe because words so often illuded him. Micah smirked. “Go on then cowboy, show me what you got.”

Micah saw the thought flicker through Arthur’s eyes briefly like lightning in the night’s sky and then he decided against it.

He turned, heading back to the door of the cabin muttering about going back to camp. When he flung the door open, the light had dwindled considerably quicker than either of the could have imagined and snow was coming down in thick, heavy flurries. “Shit!” Arthur hissed. “Well,” Micah sighed, heading to the door too and surveying the magnitude of the situation, “don’t look like we’re goin’ anywhere fast, sweetheart. Jus’ you an’ me now.”

****

There were logs that had been left by the previous tenant that Arthur threw into the fireplace and proceeded to light. The pair of them sat close to the fire, the night had drawn in fast and not only was it the only source of heat in the small cabin, it was also the only source of light.

Micah could see that Arthur was shivering, his arms folded flush across his chest and jaw tight. He glared into the fire. “I’m freezin’ my ass off,” He grumbled. “Well we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” Micah replied with a hint of snideness about his voice. Arthur shot him a look colder than out in the storm but Micah continued, maybe because he liked to see Arthur squirm. “You ain't cuddlin' up to me to keep warm if that’s what you want.” “I’d rather die o’ hypothermia than let you anywhere near me.” But they both knew that wasn't true.

Both knew the other was thinking about Gaptooth Ridge again now. It was all Micah had thought about since the day it had happened. Every time he closed his eyes, he was back in their tent, panting and moaning softly with Arthur’s lips on his like nothing else in the world mattered, and perhaps didn’t even exist anymore. He could hear trains rumbling in the distance and condors circling above, the warm air enveloped him just as Arthur’s smoky scent did and everything in the world was still aside from his racing heart.

“When we gonna talk about it, Morgan?” Micah asked without even thinking. He’d wanted to ask Arthur for weeks but Arthur had been avoiding him even more than usual. He felt so weak caving and asking first. He didn’t know what he wanted the answer to be; did he want this to be a thing? No. That wasn’t Micah’s style… Yet… He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about Arthur. About the way they had been together that day.

“Ain’t nothin’ to talk about.” Came Arthur’s gruff reply. Micah let out a snort of disbelieving laughter, “ain’t there?” “No. There ain’t.”

Arthur got to his feet now and walked to the back of the cabin, Micah's eyes followed him. Micah watched as Arthur leant against the wall and nonchalantly lit up a cigarette and smoked it, not looking at Micah but watching the tip of the cigarette burning down in his fingers between drags.

“Bullshit.” Micah said hotly, squaring up to Arthur. “You’re talking bullshit as usual.” “I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout it, Micah. As far as I’m concerned, it didn’t even happen. It was nothing.” A twisted smirk crept across Micah’s face. He wanted to play it the hard way, huh? “That ain’t what you was sayin’ when you had my dick in your mouth.” Arthur’s eyes flashed and his face turned stony. “You watch what you say to me.” He growled. Micah wasn’t about to back down, his body pumped with adrenaline. “What would ol’ Dutch say if he knew what you got up to? Or does he know you like to get on your knees-”

Before Micah could finish his sentence, Arthur had grabbed him by the collars and pushed Micah up against the wall with such force that his hat toppled from his head. Micah would have laughed if the wind hadn’t been knocked from him. Arthur threw his cigarette to the floor and that hand found its way to Micah’s throat. Micah’s eyes flickered, Arthur was panting, they stared at each other wordlessly. Micah still wore his lopsided smirk, as if willing Arthur to do it.

Arthur’s brows were knitted together, eyes mean and jaw clenched. He looked like he would kill Micah. Micah didn’t doubt that he could.

Before Micah knew it, Arthur had pushed his lips to Micah’s in a kiss. Micah made a sound - a groan. Oh, how he’d longed for this again, thought maybe it would never happen and that their time out at Gaptooth Ridge had been a one off, one of those crazy things that never happen again no matter how hard the yearning. Arthur kissed hungrily, one hand still pressed against Micah’s throat and Micah kissed back eagerly, tongue sliding into Arthur’s mouth and Arthur permitted it with a sigh, as if he had been longing for this too.

Micah brought his hands up, cupping Arthur’s face, the skin cold, the stubble scratching against his fingertips and Arthur shivered at his touch. Arthur removed his hand from where it rested now so Micah could breathe again and tugged Micah’s head back by his hair, exposing his neck so he could kiss it bruisingly, making Micah gasp.

He placed his hands on Arthur’s broad shoulders, fingers curling around the thick material of Arthur’s winter coat, submitting to the younger outlaw, almost paralysed in pleasure at the feeling of Arthur’s hot mouth - tongue licking and teeth grazing - sucking at the sensitive skin of his neck.

He felt Arthur wedge his thigh between his legs and his hips moved instinctively before he could stop himself. The friction was delicious, Micah was uncomfortably hard in his pants already and he let out a soft moan at the relief Arthur’s leg provided. He heard Arthur growl into the crook of his neck. They remained like that, Micah shuddering as he rutted against Arthur and Arthur biting at Micah, hard enough to leave bruises, hands groping at him through his clothes, making Micah sigh and moan.

Suddenly, Arthur ripped away from him. Micah panted, whimpering quietly- unsatisfied. His breath visible in front of him in the cold, cold cabin but the heat between them was like a furnace. Micah stared at Arthur, for once lost for words. Arthur’s expression was unreadable. Had Arthur come to his senses?

Perhaps not. Arthur’s gaze was fixed on the bulge in Micah’s pants. He was hesitant as he reached to press his hand against it but Micah didn’t stop him, of course not. He had wanted this, hadn’t he?

It didn’t go unnoticed by Micah that Arthur’s fingers seemed to tremble as he unbuttoned Micah’s pants and freed his erection. Micah turned away at this, slightly embarrassed at how hard he was. He could hear Arthur’s breaths heavy and hard before he felt the other man’s hand wrap around his cock.

Arthur held him firmly. Micah let out a sound, higher pitched than normal. He felt his cheeks burn but he didn’t have time to feel embarrassed, the feel of Arthur’s hand on him so starkly made him quake. And then Arthur’s hand moved, grip strong as he pumped Micah’s cock. “M-Morgan..!” Micah choked. Arthur's shimmering eyes met Micah's, as if asking for permission to continue. Micah didn't say anything, he leant his forehead against Arthur's shoulder and let his hips rock into Arthur's hand.

Arthur stroked him fast, making Micah's breath catch in his throat. He found himself clinging to Arthur, clawing at the other man's wide back as he tried to stop himself calling out. He felt Arthur's lips on his neck again, kissing along the exposed collarbone to his shoulder. Arthur's name tumbled from Micah's lips like the snow from the sky outside.

It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for Micah's orgasm to coil in his stomach. He found himself moving faster, rutting helplessly against Arthur as he began to shiver, knowing he couldn't hold on any longer. He tried to stifle himself as he came, burying his face in Arthur's neck, taking in Arthur's strong musky scent of gunpowder, cigarettes and whiskey.

He stayed like that for a few moments, blood pounding in his ears, eyes closed trying to compose himself. Arthur didn’t move either, they leant against each other. It was Arthur that moved away first. Part of Micah wished Arthur would stay like that just a little longer.

Micah’d gone soft now, his release was on his pants, on the floor and on Arthur’s pants, too. When he looked back up at Arthur, he could tell that the younger man wasn’t finished with him just yet. He had a dark look in his eyes that Micah wasn’t sure he had seen before. Arthur didn’t say a word, his eyes still fixed on Micah’s. It was his turn to unbutton his pants now and then, he laid his hand on Micah’s shoulder, gently but firmly pushing Micah down to his knees. Micah didn’t resist.

Arthur’s length was strainingly hard and tip slick with precum as he freed his cock from his undergarments. Micah'd seen it before, of course; part of him had known that Arthur’s cock would be generous in size and he had been right about that in both length and girth. Micah had never felt an urge quite like it, an instinct almost, to take it into his mouth and suck. Tentatively, he touched the reddened skin of Arthur’s throbbing erection, it was burning hot under his fingertips. He wet his lip before he opened his mouth and as he did, Arthur grabbed a fistful of his hair and stuffed his length down Micah’s throat without giving him a chance to adjust. Micah made a choked sound and tears instantly filled his eyes at the stretch from the sheer size of Arthur. Arthur didn’t relent. Micah knew this was punishment but part of him didn’t even care, there was something about having Arthur above him like this , powerful, doing his best to repress his moans that turned him on.

Arthur didn't talk, just fisting Micah’s hair and snapping his hips forward rhythmically so he can fuck the older outlaw’s throat. They didn't talk last time either, just their touches had been enough. Micah's gags and heavy breathing filled the room along with Arthur's low growls and soft curses. As the length hit the back of Micah’s throat, Arthur hissed and fuck, that sounds made Micah’s own cock twitch awake again. Micah felt his face redden, he could feel the drool and precome spilling from the sides of his mouth and his jaw ached. He tried to steady Arthur, putting his hands on Arthur’s strong thighs, using them as an anchor so he can bob his head back and forth on the length, sucking as best he knew how, using his tongue to pressure the underside of the shaft like the whores he’d used before had done to him… like Arthur had done to him before.

He closed his eyes now, getting used to breathing through his nose. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard, drawing back to pay attention to the tip and then taking as much of the length in its entirety at a time. He used his tongue to flick the tip, let his throat and jaw go slack so Arthur could press in further until he felt the younger man shiver.

Arthur groaned softly, when Micah looed up, Arthur's eyes were closed and his face was sheer portrait of perfection - lost in a rhapsody of bliss. Micah took hold of his throbbing cock now, needing some relief and as he did, Arthur gasped, hips stuttering, eyes open now, a flash of blue as he cursed loudly, "shit, Micah!" and spilled himself into Micah’s mouth.

Micah retched at the taste but was taken by surprise, swallowing the majority of it and coughing as Arthur pulled out. Arthur’s breathing was hard as he moved away from Micah and tucked himself back into his pants. Micah remained on his knees and wiped his mouth. He stared after Arthur who returned to the fireside, composing himself.

Arthur didn't look back at him as he spoke. “Now we’re even.” Arthur said almost emotionlessly. Micah didn’t want to admit it to himself but it hurt.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Incidentally, while I still think “Toph wouldn’t become a cop!” is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of the “all cops are bastards” concept. (Because...it’s not that only people with bad intent become cops, it’s that the institution itself is harmful regardless of who’s in it — imagine Iroh at the siege of Ba Sing Se, even if he had many of the same traits later-Iroh has that doesn’t make a siege any less horrible or imperialism any more morally acceptable. If you’re killed by a person who values life and says please and thank you, you’re still dead.)

Most likely, Aang genuinely wouldn’t ever become a cop, because what he would have to do as a cop would be too unambiguously in opposition to his dearly held Air Nomad values. And we know he’s willing to cling to them in the face of tremendous pressure.

Moreover, he might well not be willing to be involved in running a government body in any capacity.

(What is supposed to have happened between “the monks never took me to Ba Sing Se, because it’s too far from how Air Nomads think people should live” and Aang becoming a civic leader of a city which frankly has quite a lot of the same characteristics?)

And in general the original series, not including Legend of Korra or the comics, is firmly anti-police and anti-incarceration. Prisons, jails, and dungeons are shown multiple times and always as a bad thing regardless of whether they’re run by the Fire Nation, the Dai Li, or those people who had the Avatar Day celebration and the blatantly corrupt judicial system. Prisoners are always shown as people, even when they’re not political prisoners. (Chit Sang is drawn in a way that reads as “criminal” in Western culture, and he sure seems potentially dangerous...and Sola and Zuko have no moral hesitation about bringing him along on their escape attempts. I don’t believe we ever find out why he’s in the Fire Nation’s highest security prison, and I’m sure that was a deliberate choice to communicate that it doesn’t matter.)

We see unjust secret police and at least one explicitly unjust legal system, and (iirc) not one example of police or legal process that is shown as being good.

Moreover, I think we don’t ever see the good guys capture anyone — capturing someone, preventing their free movement, is something the bad guys do (including pre-reform Zuko) but...I don’t remember for sure, I don’t think we definitively see even Ozai taken prisoner after his bending is removed. We do see that he’s imprisoned in the comics, and Azula, but it’s unclear if that was the original intent in the show itself. I could imagine Aang, as an Air Nomad, might actually figure that removing Ozai’s bending was enough to neutralize him as a threat. In fact...we know that the Fire Nation is capable of keeping powerful fire benders in prison. So, if the end goal was to imprison Ozai, why would removing his bending be necessary?

It’s not spelled out, and this is admittedly a bit of a stretch, but it’s possible Aang considered the possibility of overpowering Ozai without killing him then imprisoning him for life, and rejected that option as being as contrary to Air Nomad values as killing him. (And remember, this isn’t just “killing is bad” in a vacuum, where it might reasonably be overwhelmed by a pragmatic “uh, there’s a lot more than one life at stake here, and anyways he’s a bad person”, this is Aang desperately trying to retain connection to his lost culture, and Air Nomad values like vegetarianism and not killing people are one of the few forms of connection he has left. Abandoning Air Nomad core values would be both turning his back on his culture and contributing to the imbalance that the Fire Nation created, whereas keeping Air Nomad values alive and relevant helps maintain some fragment of the Four Nations balance that existed before Sozen. He’s being loyal to both the Air Nomads and to his role as Avatar.)

(I mean, nothing is absolute and you could write an interesting AU where Aang decides that being too rigid about Air Nomad values is a bad thing, kills Ozai, and then goes on to figure out how he can build a new understanding of his culture and still be loyal to it given that he broke one of its biggest moral rules. That’s... a much sadder story though.)

[miraculouscontent]

I just saw Felix, I am enraged beyond belief, and right now, I want someone to tear this episode and Astruc a new one. And who better than the Salt Fairy?

s-sALT FAIRY?? JDNGKFDG

WELL, WHO AM I TO DENY SUCH A REQUEST?

[Vanilla Graham Crackers]

So, I totally understand the idea that making new models is hard and it’s best to cut corners where one can, but that should only be done if it can be used in a way that doesn’t - you know - reuse two important character models and add almost nothing new to them.

To start off, you have Amelie, Emilie’s twin sister who they obviously reused Emilie’s model for.

Then you have Felix, whose mother’s genes must’ve kicked the tar out of his father’s genes (and the same must’ve happened to Adrien unless Gabriel’s model is reused for Felix’s father’s too if we ever get a flashback/picture but we’re not getting into that) considering that Felix looks like Adrien’s twin rather than Adrien’s cousin (if they pull some sort of thing about Felix actually being Adrien’s twin just as some sort of cheap “gotcha,” I swear–though I doubt it because Amelie has a line about them looking “just like twins” which would be strange for someone who would’ve already known they were twins unless she doesn’t know that they’re twins either because some weird things happened and–I’m getting off-topic…).

Already, these are both new characters who are being introduced in this episode that are edited versions of previous models we’ve seen on the show.

The thing is that I don’t care much if the models are reused, but they should at least have facial structures that look different enough to make them their own characters. At least reverse Amelie’s hair, gosh darn it.

Even Felix, like–I don’t even think any of the characters would find it odd if the “Adrien” in the video had different cheekbones or a different jawline. Felix could even have blue eyes but edit the video to make his eyes green (and then make an excuse as to why his eyes are blue when the villains show up). The Adrien model could be reused but still adjusted so he at least has a different freaking eye style, since those are usually the big thing that gives away the feeling of, “oh, the model is just reused.”

I mean, it makes sense for Felix’s name to be in the title of the episode, but that’s only because he actually got different hair and a different outfit, since even the people who get akumatized in this episode are reused.

Lady Wifi, who’s been seen multiple times in Season 1 and 3 now.

Princess Fragrance, who’s been used the least out of everyone else but has still been seen multiple times (counting scarlet edition Princess Fragrance).

And Reflekta, who’s been used multiple times even if you’re only counting Season 3. Reflekta even makes the least sense out of all the characters since she’s a bad combination with the others. Dark Cupid would’ve even been a better pick since Lady Wifi could freeze someone and then either Dark Cupid could get a clear shot or Princess Fragrance could force them to inhale her perfume.

They don’t even have a proper unique theme to them, like a design that they all share to show that they’re a team. It’s just a repeat of their past akuma forms except Lady Wifi doesn’t have to worry about being defeated in the same way as before I guess (not that they try it anyway)? I don’t question Alya being the only one to get an upgrade because the tablet is hers, but when we’ve already had an episode where a tablet was used as a “hey akuma, aim here” object, and the people who held it combined in that one because they had a shared goal, only to have this one be different and just turn them into separate forms?

Yeaaaah, no, that’s weird. That’s just weird. It’d be one thing if they were sure that there were two Adrien around and they needed to be separated so they could cover multiple people, but they’re not aware that Felix is around nor that he disguised himself as Adrien, requiring them to cover multiple grounds (and even then, that doesn’t need three of them).

I’ll say again that I don’t mind repeat akuma, but it has to make sense. Stormy Weather 2 and Gamer 2.0 made sense to come back even though I didn’t like their episodes or the messages behind them, but Reflektdoll and the Trio of Punishers here?

No, just–no.

(this is also once again keeping the “girl squad” quota in place which everyone knows I dislike; I just want the boys to be more involved sometimes and not have anyone’s involvement be based on what gender they are)

(also also, Ladybug defeating all of them in a few seconds demonstrates how incompetent they are as a team; defeating Nathalie is not a high bar for efficient villainry)

So, already with that, the episode is bland and doesn’t provide anything interesting; even Felix disguises himself as Adrien perfectly later on, so the model that was edited in any sort of significant way changes back to its oRinGaL fOrM partway through the episode just for the like, two viewers who couldn’t tell that he’s a duplicate of Adrien structurally.

Heck, and even once Felix does disguise himself as Adrien, he’s still making very “Adrien” faces. The camera switching from Adrien to Felix (disguised as Adrien) when the villains show up is a perfect example.

Same face, same pose. It’s like they’re the same person at times (and no, I don’t believe that Felix is that good of an actor when he just got jumped by three teenage girls in outlandish clothing who came out of the phone in his hands).

There’s also the plot with Gabriel and the twin rings. Firstly, the opening is basically the one from “Chat Blanc” with the ring detail added. I remember seeing “Chat Blanc” and then being weirded out when “Felix” hit like, “Wait, is this–?”

Even disregarding that, there’s a certain awkwardness to Gabriel’s behavior. Of course, we all know that Emilie is actually alive and (un)well, so Gabriel being upset with Adrien isn’t entirely wrong (since, to Gabriel, it sounds like his son is supporting him having an affair), but for Gabriel to lash out in an almost childish manner when we’ve seen Gabriel hold Nathalie/Mayura tenderly and we can see that they have something going on, it seems extremely unprompted and just an excuse for Gabriel to not have to tell Adrien that he’s Hawk Moth.

It also brings up the question as to what changed between Gabriel saying that he already wished that he could tell Adrien what he was doing since Adrien would understand, compared to now where Gabriel is completely okay with telling Adrien.

Everything’s too up in the air, too vague, and nothing hits like it should. The episode throws five shots at its viewers at once (”Amelie and Felix,” “The Twin Rings,” “Gabriel Almost Telling Adrien That He’s Hawk Moth,” “Three People Getting Akumatized at Once,” and “Marinette Successfully Sending a Confession to Adrien”) but none of them strike properly. They’re all fighting for screentime to the point where we don’t even see Alya’s more detailed reaction to “Adrien” rejecting Marinette’s confession (she looks slightly more annoyed than everyone else, I guess) when Alya had made such a big deal about Marinette confessing beforehand (I’ll forgive her just this once for flashing her tablet, unprompted, in Marinette’s anxious face since Alya largely does nothing bad outside of that). The episode tries too hard to be big and impactful but misses the mark because none of the things it’s trying to do can play out in a way that makes it feel like they’re important.

Amelie and Felix don’t have original models.

The twin rings haven’t been brought up in any significant way before.

Gabriel and Nathalie talk about Adrien knowing about the Hawk Moth thing once and then presumably give up with no explanation as to why Gabriel isn’t going to try again since Adrien clearly just misunderstood him.

The three people getting akumatized end up turning into forms we’ve seen before, all of which have been in this season, even if it was sparingly.

Marinette’s confession doesn’t even get misinterpreted by Adrien; it’s viewed by Felix and promptly deleted.

Oh yeah, and then there’s THAT scene…

[Consententious]

Alright, so I can’t really talk about this scene without talking about the supposed reason for why this episode exists.

For the 0.01% of people who aren’t aware, Felix is the original Adrien from the Miraculous PV, which is what Miraculous Ladybug used to be before it became the show it is now. Astruc has said, time and time again, that he did not like this character and that was why Adrien had replaced him.

The fandom clung to Felix, however. People were still interested in the “what-ifs” and “what could’ve been”s, especially as situations rose in-show where people felt like Felix would’ve reacted in a way that was different/better than how Adrien would have reacted.

Astruc was the one most known for disliking Felix, but another thing he was known for was lying to people in order to keep future things in the show a secret.

You know that scene in “Kwamibuster,” where Tikki keeps something from Marinette, and when she then tries to explain something else to Marinette, Marinette points out, “You see, the problem now is that I’m always going to wonder if you’re lying or not”?

Yeah, that’s basically the fandom with Astruc. Whether Astruc’s behavior was justified or not, it’s harder to believe what he says when he openly admitted to lying to everyone.

This brings us back to Felix. In terms of what Astruc has told us on him, it’s been inconsistent, to say the least.

He claimed that Adrien was created because Felix wasn’t an interesting character, then said that Felix was interesting even though he wasn’t fit to be a hero despite later claims of Felix being a weak character who was more of an anime cliche, which was then further uprooted by outright stating that Felix was bad/evil.

Essentially, regardless of what has been said about this episode’s existence, this entire episode feels like a response to the side of the fandom that firmly believes that Felix would have been better than Adrien, and that looks bad because such episodes tend to never go over well with the fandom.

- Felix is shown as cold and unfeeling whereas Adrien is understanding if a bit solemn.

- Felix and Adrien are compared directly by both having a dead parent who died recently.

- Felix reacts negatively to Adrien’s behavior whereas Adrien tries to excuse Felix’s actions and be a good person.

- Plagg (who Felix would’ve had in the PV) is given a MUCH bigger input on things than he usually is, even to the point of comparing Felix and Adrien directly. The episode also has Felix ruining a piece of cheese in Plagg’s stash, whereas Plagg is typically not directly affected by the actions of other characters.

- Felix’s actions of rooting through Adrien’s things may or may not be a comparison to Lila (another character that Astruc doesn’t like) from “Oni-chan,” who riffled through Adrien’s things while Adrien was distracted. This is further supported by Plagg calling out both of these to Adrien and Adrien excusing both of them.

- Felix literally disguising himself as Adrien and Marinette not only noticing the facade straight away, but proclaiming angrily that Felix!Adrien is “not Adrien.”

- Felix implied to even be emotionally weaker than Adrien by his face at Chat’s comment about him not having many friends, his face in response to Marinette’s confession, and Adrien asking him to call if he needs support.

And then, we have the big scene where Felix (disguised as Adrien) tries to force a kiss on Ladybug, in which there’s a clear “no means no” message followed by a punch to Felix’s face.

Now… first off, yes, this is obviously yet another jab at the comparison between Felix and Chat. Felix tried to force a kiss on Ladybug whereas Chat has–

…well, he’s never gotten one off, at least, and stops when something happens (either Ladybug gets pulled back into the fight or she stops him with a hand/her words).

This is also shown by how Ladybug states post-punch that “Adrien would never be so pushy,” immediately followed by Chat Noir showing up and insulting Felix.

…Yeah, I’ll tackle the message first.

While this idea of “no means no” is nice and all, it ignores the nuance of what actually means “yes.” The forced kiss still would have been wrong if it’d been towards someone like Juleka, who would’ve locked up at the sight of someone trying to force themself on her, or someone like Rose, who may’ve been completely oblivious as to what the forcer would’ve been doing until it was too late. It might seem like a small thing, but just saying “what part of ‘no’ did you not understand?” leaves the obvious loophole of “WELL, if they DON’T say ‘no’ then that makes it okay.”

As for Chat, well… the setup not only didn’t make sense as a comparison to him, but it doesn’t function as a comparison in the episode itself.

See, the setup is wrong because Felix is not doing this because he’s a creep. He’s not someone who’s crushing on Ladybug and disguised himself as Adrien in hopes that she would favor him and let him kiss her.

In fact, Felix is fully aware that kissing someone without their consent is wrong; the reason he’s doing it is to ruin Adrien’s reputation.

Would Felix actually do that if he were lusting over Ladybug or crushing on a girl legitimately? We don’t know, and that’s exactly why Felix and Chat’s actions are not comparable.

This isn’t a case of, “Character B and C are attracted to Character A. Character C stops when told/prompted to stop whereas Character B continues despite those things.” Chat and Felix have entirely different motives when trying to kiss Ladybug.

Chat leans in for a kiss multiple times and is stopped by either Ladybug or whatever’s happening around them. Even if he stops when told/prompted to, he starts back up, whether it’s later in the episode or in a later episode beyond it.

Felix’s actions are wrong and I will not deny that, nor will I compare him directly to Chat and say that one is worse than the other.

I will just say: Felix is aware that he’s doing something scummy and is doing so to make someone he dislikes look bad. Chat may be aware that he can’t proceed with a kiss if Ladybug denies it or prompts him to back off, but he still tries over and over to flirt and/or lean in for a kiss in hopes that she’ll return it eventually. Whatever form of “no” Ladybug gives him (as it can come in many forms), Chat still believes that trying again later is perfectly fine and that asking is not necessary no matter how many times she’s denied him or rejected his feelings.

As for why the setup doesn’t function, it’s because we, in this episode, do not have a direct comparison between Felix’s advances and Chat’s. Chat isn’t given the screentime to properly flirt with Ladybug or try to make any sort of advance on her, so there’s no “that was Felix, this is Chat,” moment.

Is that because the writers were aware that Chat’s behavior is still not up to speed with how people should act in reality? Maybe, maybe not, but the point is that they didn’t have it.

Now, that said, there indeed was a character in the episode who made it very clear (both through his body language and through his words) that he respected the actions, space, and choices of the one he was in love with.

But, who was that again…?

O O P S

Like, look, I’m not getting into Luka’s role in the episode (though I’ll just say that, while I adore the boy, this wasn’t the episode for him and - had I not needed to go into other subjects - I definitely would be rambling about the disservice both he and Marinette get in general), but I’m just pointing out the very obvious misstep taken. If this episode was a response to the fandom, I guess one could argue that this is knocking any idea of Felix being Marinette’s other love interest instead of Luka, but when people think of “someone trying to kiss Marinette/Ladybug,” Luka is not going to be the first one who comes to mind; that’s gonna be Chat and the writing dropped the ball entirely because it couldn’t pull it off without having to address his behavior or risk sending an, “only no means no,” message.

Oh, and speaking of dropping the ball, even Felix doesn’t get dropped entirely, because the writing didn’t even do Felix dirty CORRECTLY.

[Failing Felix]

Just for a moment, let’s roll (completely roll, this time) with the idea that this entire episode is a response to the side of the fandom who really liked Felix and preferred him over Adrien.

By that logic, the standard thing to do would be to make Felix as evil and possible and make everyone hate him, yes?

However, that “standard thing” is completely missing from this plot.

Felix, by the end of the episode, already has two motives.

The first is stated outright by the end, though could also be inferred early on as well: Felix wanted to get the twin rings back for his mother. In addition, it is not for his own selfish gain, as he isn’t even aware that his mother wanted to get the rings back so she could give them to him.

Felix wanted to get the twin rings back because his mother had told him that they were part of their family, not Gabriel’s, and Felix sought to retrieve them himself.

The second motive is for his actions outside of Gabriel, which is him judging Adrien and trying to ruin Adrien’s reputation.

Even Felix’s bitterness towards Adrien is showcased, though in small doses.

When Adrien apologizes to Felix for not going to his father’s funeral, Felix retorts with,

“You always do everything your father tells you to do?”

Right there is Felix’s problem with Adrien: he views Adrien as a doormat (a common fan complaint anyway tbh). This is not helped when Adrien excuses his father’s actions with a smile (which may come off as insensitive; Adrien, be UPSET by your father, not sheepishly smiling about what he did) by saying that his father is “very protective.”

Felix only initiates his stealing of Adrien’s things after this scene takes place; immediately after this takes place, as a matter of fact.

The other key interaction that takes place is when Felix enters the mansion. He reaches out for a handshake, but Adrien goes in for a hug.

Adrien doesn’t know that a hand reaching out in a handshake gesture isn’t consent.

Already, Adrien has come off as touchy, unable to read Felix’s gestures, and possibly insensitive.

Further on are Felix’s comments on the things he finds in Adrien’s phone:

Adrien’s obvious crush on Ladybug - Felix sees it as idiotic which… yeah, it would look like a childish celebrity crush without context

Nino’s video - 90% sure the reaction there was the “teenage” version of how Gabriel judged Nino in “Bubbler;” pretty standard rich boy judgment

Rose’s video - …I’m sorry, I can’t blame Felix for that one; that was so overly gushy and cheerful that I winced

Max’s video - Felix doesn’t seem like the type to like jokes and he also thinks that whole thing is weird (also not knowing that Markov is “real”); could go either or on how out-of-place his comment was.

Chloe’s video - Felix doesn’t like Chloe and I can’t blame him for that one either.

Marinette’s video - Felix has a different reaction to this one and I imagine he either thinks that Adrien is dating Marinette (and could think it’s pathetic for a variety of reasons from “Adrien is already crushing on Ladybug” or “the doormat boy has a girlfriend”) or thinks that Marinette confessing over video is pathetic

Even when Felix goes against Ladybug and Chat, he’s probably realized at that point that impulsively impersonating Adrien won’t get him anywhere close to sleight-of-handing Gabriel’s ring away. Also, Ladybug punched him (regardless of her reason why) and Chat insulted him despite only knowing things about him from what he heard from someone else.

None of this excuses any of Felix’s actions, but it is a reason that is introduced within the episode where said actions take place.

Unlike, say, Chloe, whose mother was shown off in the season after Chloe herself first appeared, giving us no context, reason, or motive for her behavior outside of “she’s a spoiled brat.”

Felix also did manage to come up with a convincing enough apology to get Gabriel to shake his hand, allowing Felix to safely snatch one of the twin rings away to return to his mother.

I don’t think anyone is complaining about Gabriel getting screwed over after “Chat Blanc,” just saying.

Even athletically, Felix scores a one-handed point in basketball with his back turned to the hoop, and he can go toe-to-toe with three akuma at once.

He even has a hobby in doing magic tricks, said hobby allowing him to steal Gabriel’s twin ring. Characters having hobbies is an important thing for fleshing them out, and Felix weirdly just… has one, and one that benefits him.

So, is Felix’s presence in the show an insult due to having a repeated character model and being used as a forced comparison to Adrien? Yes.

Does that mean he’s not workable in any form and can’t be used for the fandom’s desires?

Not really, no. At least, I certainly don’t think so.

The reality is that Felix was never a warm person, PV or otherwise, and his initial reaction to Adrien (”I don’t like you. You hugged me without my asking you and you let your father walk all over you.”) is honestly something I’d expect of him.

It’s when combined with the already terrible ideas of the episode and the convoluted nature of things that everything (including him) turns into a problem.

[originofjaehyun]

Interlude: No More Drama | Part 6 | MAD DOG

Interlude: No More Drama Masterlist

Word count: 5,070

Warnings: Smut

Part 6 | MAD DOG

“Welcome to my nightmare.”

Prev • Next

“We’ll have two Gin & Tonic, please.”

The waiter memorized his order, instead of jolting it down on a paper. It would be impossible to be able to write in such conditions. It’s late and even though the bar is not packed with customers, they still try to maintain their tavern-like charm. The light was dimmed, only a few muted yellow-toned bulbs that light up, making the brick-clad outpost slightly visible. The candle on your table is definitely serving another purpose other than making the ambiance romantic – to make you able to see the face of your partner.

“Finally we’re able to catch up, huh?”

He scoffed, “You’re the busy one, you know I always, well, most of the time, free my schedule for you.”

You rolled your eyes before resting your face to your hands on the table, “Says our dear Head of Business Analyst, Mr. Kim Doyoung.”

He chuckled at your remark especially on the way you emphasize the word ‘dear’, fully aware that you’re currently mocking him.

“I know how demanding your work is. We used to come to this bar with our laptops open.”

“Yeah, good times huh? Hanbyul was still able to join us. Now that she’s engaged, she got no time for her poor friends.”

The laughter echoes from your table. You and Doyoung met during high school. If Jaehyun and Johnny initially don’t like each other, it was a completely different case for you and Doyoung. During orientation, both of you were late, and everybody already had their own groups, leaving you only with him. Turned out you stayed in the same neighborhood at that time so you guys walked together from school to home. That is when you found common interests with him –his taste in music. While the whole school prefers the top 40 songs (which is completely fine), it’s rare to find people like him who still listen to ballads. 

Doyoung is basically Hanbyul, but the male version. He is probably the only man you’d ever trust to keep all of your secrets. You pretty much couldn’t hide anything from him anyway, and vice versa.

“Also,” Doyoung moves his body closer to the table, “Someone might even leave me too after meeting her own prince.”

Doyoung is amused with your newly pinked cheeks, knowing that he has successfully teased you.

“Well, he is prince-like…”

“Someone’s showing off.” 

“Stop it, Doyoung.” You asked for his mercy, “But you know, he kinda seems too good to be true, and honestly, it scares me Doy.”

“What do you mean?” Your statement makes him raise one of his eyebrows.

“For starters, he’s extremely good looking,” Doyoung responded with rolling his eyes, auspiciously making you laugh. “He’s caring and very attentive. A fine gentleman, in a nutshell. But the thing is…”

You gulped your non-existent saliva, “I think he’s hiding something from me.”

Like a rabbit on full alert, his eyes are now wide open, “That should be a red flag, no?”

“I can’t decide yet. On the day he asked me out, he met a guy, I guess it’s from his past. He mentioned something about Jaehyun not contacting someone which he refers to as ‘him’. It was a heated argument, so I think it’s quite serious.”

“And you never ask him?”

“No, I don’t think I should pry on someone else’s past, you know? I just don’t think it’s right.”

The waiter came and brought your shares of G&T, “[Y/N], you’ve known him for three months before you dated, and it’s been another three since you told me that you guys are officially going out.”

“I know you don’t like to push someone, especially touching on their sensitive subjects. But regardless, you are his girlfriend and what if he is a serial killer? I think you deserve to know.”

Finally drenching your thirst with the cocktail, you took a sip before replying to Doyoung, “Well, he said he’s not after we make out, and so far he hasn’t shown any psychotic traits so I think I’m safe.”

“After you what?” Doyoung almost spurted his fresh cocktail.

He cleared his throat, “I’m just concerned with my best friend’s safety, OK? I believe in your judgment, and you’ve let him pursue you –means you wanted to see how committed he is to you, in a sense. Since you decided that you want to move your relationship into a more ‘serious’ phase, it indicates that he passed your test.”

“I never met him, but I know you and know how difficult it is to win your heart, I mean, remember that guy during college,”

You slapped his arms, causing him to whimper, “Ouch! Well, I’m saying he should be a good guy if he could win your heart, so just talk to him, will you? Whether he’ll answer or not, it’s a problem for another day.” 

“But if he doesn’t, you’ll let me know and I’ll talk man to man to him.” He ended his sentence by taking a sip of his cocktail.

You giggled, “Thanks Doy, I know I can always count on you.”

He shrugged, raising his glass to yours for a clink. 

“Speaking of which,”

“Jaehyun is coming to pick me up. Do you want him to join, so we can stay a bit longer? Or do you just want to go straight home after this?”

“Ah,” Doyoung put his glass on the table, “Jaehyun can come, I’d love to meet him. I wish I could go straight home, but I’m meeting a friend after this.”

“You have other friends?” You teased him.

“Shut up, [Y/N]. I’m better at socializing nowadays.”

“Not as good at me.”

“Yeah, cause I don’t lick on people’s asses.”

“Fuck you Doy.”

–

“No, I’m being serious [Y/N], you should try it. Jaehyun will love it.”

“And why should I listen to you?”

“Because I’m Doyoung and I’m your best friend I happened to have a dick too.”

“Shut the fuck off!”

You really don’t talk in filters when it comes to Doyoung, your stomach starts to feel numb from laughing so hard. You wipe your tear as you shift your gaze to the entryway, and you saw the pair of eyes that you know and you love. That gaze meets yours and immediately turns into half-moons, striding his way to your table.

“Speaking of the devil, enough with the dick talk. He’s here.”

Doyoung turned his back, trying to find the figure you’re talking about. The man in question was wearing a khaki gabardine blazer, pairing it with a black plain t-shirt, opting for a more smart-casual look. He did see Doyoung, but Jaehyun automatically approaches you first. 

“Hi, love.” He said before kissing you in the temple. “I never know you could laugh that hard. I must say I’m jealous.”

“Nonsense,” You hold his hand, gesturing him to sit right next to you. “I’d rather spend my time with you rather than with him. But I guess meet the wonderful Kim Doyoung.”

“[Y/N], you suck at introducing people,” Doyoung stood up from his seat. “Hi, I’m Doyoung. I’ve heard plenty of you from [Y/N], Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun,” He shakes Doyoung’s hand firmly, introducing himself even though the other party already knows his name. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Doyoung. Likewise, I heard a lot of you from her.”

“I bet she never talks about the good stuff.”

“Rude, Doy. I compliment you a lot, you know.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact you’re always unconsciously flirting in clubs and always manage to snag a girl back home?”

Jaehyun tried to hold in his laughter while Doyoung protested. He finally took a seat, not confirming whether what your statement is true or not.

“Do you want to order something?”

“I thought you said Doyoung is meeting someone after this?” He replies, averting his gaze to Doyoung afterward.

“Oh, you’re right. Who are you meeting again?” 

“Ah, remember Nakamoto Yuta? My business partner?”

You rolled your eyes upwards, trying to remember the person Doyoung’s talking about. “Oh! The Japanese guy right?”

“You’ve met him?” Jaehyun asked before Doyoung could answer.

“No, Doyoung only briefly mentioned his name because they’ve been working together for quite a while now. He’s in Seoul?”

“As a matter of fact,” Doyoung multitasked while answering you, unlocking his phone and you assumed that he’s going to check his messenger. “He’s going to move to Seoul soon. Our contract with him will be extended to 3 years long, at the very least. It would be a hassle if he’s going to constantly fly back to Osaka, that is why he’s going to transfer here instead. He’s meeting me today to talk a bit about our project, and the latter bit I guess he wanted to ask about accommodations and all of those essentials.”

Both of you and Jaehyun nod in unison. “Then I think we shouldn’t be a part of it, love.”

“I agree,” You took a final sip of your G&T. “It seems full of confidential stuff. Let’s meet him some other time.”

Since Doyoung is staying for a bit before Yuta came, you settled your portion of the bill by leaving your cash to Doyoung. You rise from your seat, giving him a goodbye hug.

“I’ll see you later, Jaehyun.”

“Absolutely,” Jaehyun slapped Doyoung’s hand.

As you were about to leave, Doyoung stopped you.

“Oh, [Y/N],” His sudden call made you turn your back to him. “Don’t forget what I just told you.”

You give him a middle finger in which he replied with a peal of mischievous laughter.

“What did he tell you?” Jaehyun couldn’t contain his curiosity.

“Ah,”

“I’ll tell you when we reach your place.”

—

Heavy panting filled the room, and regardless of the high-quality bed, the creaking sound can be noticeably heard. The room was tinted dark, but you can see beads of sweat on Jaehyun’s forehead, glistening from the light that is slightly peeking from the creaks of the curtain. The sound of his breathing while cupping your breast is more than enough to arouse you. He planted a mark on you, now bloomed purple.

“I can’t have enough of this,” Jaehyun said while holding one of your legs, rhythmically grinding inside of you as you reciprocate each of his thrusts with moans.

“You’re irresistible, [Y/N],”

He suddenly slid himself even deeper into you, coming unwarned. You arched your back, reaching the bed sheet for a support.

He groans, “And always fucking tight for me.”

You repeatedly call for his name, drowning yourself in something that is close to euphoria.

“Baby girl,” He continues to push his member, now every inch of him is inside you, “Your pussy is coiling me inside, you like it when I fuck you deep, huh?”

“Oh God, Jaehyun!”

“Shit, it's going in really deep,” He hissed as the tip of his cock touches your deepest part, where you cry at every kiss it made. “Baby you’re always able to take me so well, I should reward you.”

You grabbed him, digging your nails to his shoulder blade in pleasure, “Then don’t stop,” You plead hoarsely, as your voice is now mixed with your moans. “Fuck me faster, I’m almost there.”

It’s like a cue for Jaehyun, he slowly pulls out, only to enter you again when you thought he’s going to take it all out. He keeps his initial speed steady, before turning beastly after a couple more thrusts. You could feel like lighting coursing through your body, as the sound of your skin slapping with each other becomes louder, complemented with your moans.

“Jaehyun!” You screamed for his name. “Right there, right there!”

You were out of vocabularies as the only thing you could think of right now is how good he is at messing you up.

He lifted you, making you sit on his lap, pushing his cock even deeper. Shuddering from his thrust, you clenched to him, holding in the knot that is almost instantly undone with the sudden change of the position.

“Ah, baby love,” He stares into your eyes, full of lust. “I just can’t keep it together when I’m with you.”

“Oh God, Jaehyun, I’m cumming!”

“Good,” His breathing goes faster and thicker. “I’m almost there too.”

Jaehyun sloppily kissed your ears, trailing it down to your jawline to find your lips. As you bite his lips and meet his tongue, the sound of your panting becomes noisier, desperately trying to find air to breathe.

He continues to rub deep inside you, drawing circles inside you and making you twitch at every push. You can feel the sudden gush of waves, making you full in pleasure. You continuously rock your hip up and down, and he would occasionally spank you. You were in charge, and Jaehyun likes that.

“Fuck, [Y/N]!” He yells, “I’m gonna cum if you keep squeezing me like that!”

You struggled to keep your hip from going wild, the sound of squelching and panting occupied the room. You finally let out what it feels like an all-encompassing avalanche when he finally unloads. He spurted his in you almost violently. He holds you, making sure you’re still holding him, catching his own breath.

He kisses your neck, collarbone, and your shoulder as he is indulging his own pleasure, savouring every moment, drowning in ecstasy.

--

You let out small grumbles, telling Jaehyun that you’re now wide awake.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Gently caressing your hair, finding a position he deemed comfortable on the bed.

You hoarsely hummed. You’re not protesting, though, as you immediately search for his warmth. You snuggled your face to his chest, breathing in his smell that is now the same scent as your own.

“You really like that shirt, huh?” He said after seeing you in his shirt that is obviously too big for you. It’s the same shirt that you wore when you first spent the night and Jaehyun’s, and whenever you’re staying over, you subconsciously wore that shirt as your pajama. 

Your eyes are still hazy, but you smiled at the sight of him staring at you, “I do, it smells like you. Though we share the same scent now.”

He chuckles, agreeing with you especially when the scent of your shampoo is still vibrant in the air, the very same shampoo that Jaehyun used just now.

“It’s cute how you love my scent,”

“But I like it even more when I can smell yours too.” He said while playing with your hair.

You give him a confused smile, “Do you hate it when I smell manly like you? I’ll buy my toiletries tomorrow so I can put it here if that bothers you that much.”

Jaehyun lets out a warm and hearty laugh, “No baby, of course not. I like any of your scent.”

“Even when I’m all sweaty?”

“You’re sexy when you sweat, you know that right?”

“Bullshit.” You threw a vacant pillow to his face.

“What I mean was,” He moved the pillow, laughter still rolled from his mouth. “You can bring your shampoo here and not just your toothbrush. Or your soap, or even the entire wardrobe.”

You knitted your brows together, finally rising yourself from the laying down position. You stared low at Jaehyun, perplexed.

Jaehyun follows you, looking at you directly in the eyes. 

“I might, or might have not made my decision to ask you about this over that shower just now. But to clarify, I’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

Touching your head and caressing you is probably Jaehyun’s habit on you. You like it too, because he treats you tenderly and it really shows how much Jaehyun cares about you.

So he did, “[Y/N], do you want to move in with me?”

“What?!” You’re now fully wide awake, processing what he just said.

“I know it might be sudden but I really do have been thinking about this a lot. Ever since we dated, I instantly know I would like to spend my time with you as much as I can. It was like, I could never have enough of you.”

Now that you think about it, Jaehyun never ended the calls you’ve made first. Even after the dates, he would stay at your apartment, whining to you when it's time for him to go home, and did exactly the same when you’re staying at his.

“I miss you, constantly.” He took a strand of your hair, kissing it. “Whenever I wake up and have you sleeping soundly next to me over the weekends where you are staying over, I feel… content. And I wish you were here on my weekdays too.”

“On my regular days where I came home after work, I just felt like this place is now too big for a single man.”

Your pupils quivered, not sure whether you can make your decision right now or not.

“You don’t have to answer me right now,” He holds your hand, trying to comfort you. “The offer valids for as long as I’m with you, and I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon. It is sudden, I know, but again, like what I said to you when I first asked you out…”

“What’s the first twenty four hours if we’re looking back at the past seventy years?” You finished his sentence before he does, to which he replies with a grin, happy that you remembered.

Like a magnet, seeing his smile bloomed pulls you to his hug. You always feel safe under Jaehyun’s embrace. He is warm, and you always enjoy the sound of his heartbeat being so close to yours.

“Let’s go to bed first, and you can talk about it later when you want to. No need to rush, OK?”

He playfully throws your bodies to the bed, still cuddling you. He kisses your forehead, then your left cheek, then your right cheek, before finally landing his last kiss on your lips. It was a long, intimate kiss, but not lustful. He always does this ritual before saying goodbye to you.

“Good night, baby.” He said after he separates his lips to you.

“Good night.” You grinned. “I love you.”

He shows his dimples before you close your eyes. “As I do too.”

–

The sizzling sound and the strong fragrance of coffee wakes you up from your slumber. You struggled to keep your eyes open, however you could sense the missing warmth of Jaehyun next to you. You figured that he must’ve been the one who’s doing the ruckus.

You exited the room, and you saw him focusing on the sunny side ups. He didn’t realize you’re up until you hugged him from behind. 

“Morning.” You said in a rough voice.

“Good morning,” He straighten his back, looking back at you and smiling. “Did you have a good sleep?”

As you rest your head on his back, you didn’t bother to say things since you just woke up so you nod instead.

Jaehyun holds your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. “Breakfast is almost ready, will you wait?”

“You always prepare our breakfast, let me do it too.”

“And wake you up? You might be my princess, but I don’t want to disturb your sleep. You’re beautiful while you’re sleeping.”

You slapped him on his stomach at his cheesy remarks, causing him to flinch and laugh.

“Wait at the table, you’ll get oil splatters.”

You listened to him, bringing the cutleries and condiments to the table. You patiently wait, and stare at his broad shoulder. It’s funny how such a manly figure is now concentrating so much on making his breakfast only in white shirt and boxer. It’s cute how he fidgets with his spatula, making sure he didn’t burn his eggs.

“Do you need any help?” You asked him, feeling guilty to make him do all the work.

“No, just stay there, love. I’m done with the plating anyway.”

He brings your breakfast to the table, and returns to the counter to pour your share of coffee. It was a simple, hearty breakfast, consisting of toast, bacon, and eggs.

“Here you go,” He puts your cup next to your plate, which you immediately take a sip of.

It's only been three months and he knows every single detail of your preference. The way you like your yolk to be slightly runny, and you like your coffee with cold milk and two cubes of sugar. He even drizzled some sea-salt, crushed black peppers, and chili flakes on yours because you always eat it that way. He only slightly toast your bread because you prefer soft breads over crusty toast since you hate it when you have crumbles all over.

The fact that he knows.

“Is it okay?”

“Okay what?” Jaehyun mumbles, most likely because he just took a big bite of his toast.

“For me to stay.”

“Do you want to go somewhere? I thought you wanted to watch some Ghibli.”

You giggled softly, “Jaehyun, I meant something else.”

He was confused at first, lines forming at his forehead because he tried to decipher your words. It took only a brief moment for him to fully process what you meant, and he instantly widened his eyes.

“So you're saying…”

You let out a smile that widens into a grin, “Jaehyun, I agree it might be a bit too soon, but there’s nobody in this world who would take care of me as good as you.”

“So yeah, what’s the first three months if we’re looking back at the past seventy years, or more, even?”

Jaehyun unable to contain his happiness, lips lifted upward and forcefully scrunching his nose. He immediately rose from his seat, coming at your direction and lifted you, joyfully swinging you in his arms.

“Baby you don’t know how happy I am right now.” He snuggles his face on the crook of your neck, muffling his sentence. But you can perfectly hear him because deep inside you are equally as happy as he is, especially after making him over the moon with your decision.

“Me too, love.” You said as you hold onto his neck, making sure you are supporting yourself. “But moving is such a tedious job, you know. It’s not like I can move tomorrow, there are tons of paperworks to be done. I have to go to my bank to tell them I changed my address, and oh the packing part!”

He grinned to reveal his perfectly aligned teeth, “Well, we can start packing today. We can watch Ghibli anytime if you're going to stay here.”

You slapped him playfully, “Dude, there’s no way I’m postponing Ghibli.”

–

“Babe, should I pack this one too?”

Although you said you don’t want to rush things, both you and Jaehyun couldn’t help to be excited at the idea of you sharing your place together. So the following week you started to pack some of your stuff, and Jaehyun – the kind man that he is – suggested that he would help you out. 

You’ve spent the whole morning trying to declutter, hoping that you could pack less. Jaehyun ended up having to look for you because you were nowhere to be found in a room full of mementos. Photo albums, clothes that you wore during your first week at work that’s already out of fashion, lipsticks that are probably way past their expiration date, you tried your best to sort them out. Eventually Jaehyun is in charge of taking out the garbage, while you start to pack the essential items so that you can transport them to Jaehyun’s place.

“I think that should be all for today.” You stretched your arms and legs, throwing yourself to the couch.

Jaehyun approaches you, crossing his arm over your shoulder. “You got everything you need?”

“Yeah I think so.” You try to remember the things that you put inside your suitcase. Regardless, you’re still able to come back to your apartment as it will be another sleepover at Jaehyun’s – except you’ll extend it to the next weekend instead of coming back home on Sunday.

“Oh, I forgot,” He moves forward, now looking at you. “There’s a company year-end party next week. Would you like to come with me?”

You are surprised by two things; first, the fact that he actually asked you. Jaehyun keeps his private and professional life separately. Aside from Johnny and occasionally Donghyuck, you barely know anyone from his company. Not that you want him to bring you along, the last thing that you want is the attention you’ll gather when people know that you’re in a relationship with the COO of one of the biggest companies in Seoul. Second, the fact that he asked you out with only a week for you to prepare yourself.

“You sure it’s ok for me to come?”

“Of course,” He tugs the strand of your hair to the back of your ear. “In fact, I’ve been meaning to bring you along. But I just feel that we need more time for us to be ready. And I feel like we are now, since you agree to live together with me.”

Butterflies start to fly in your stomach with his statement, merely because you couldn’t believe you just took a giant step with Jaehyun. You hold his hand, interlacing your fingers with him. “I can’t believe you just told me a week before the event. You do realize it took us girls some time to prep ourselves? Is there any dress code?”

Jaehyun's face dissolved into that vision of unrestrained mirth, chuckling warmly, “Any formal dress will do. The purpose of me coming here is to check whether I should buy you a new dress or not but apparently I saw that wine-colored dress you have and I think it’ll look stunning on you.”

You slowly placed the hand over your mouth, dumbfounded, “Well, now I wish you never helped me, I could get a new dress.”

–

“Welcome to the party!” The host greeted you at the entry, welcoming both of you with a wide smile.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” He said to the host, “and plus one.”

The host's eyes widened, and it took him barely a second to locate Jaehyun’s seat. They most likely put him on the VIP list, therefore he probably already saw his name multiple times. He asked Jaehyun to follow one of the waiters, who will guide you to your designated seats.

To call it a simple, corporate year end party would be an understatement. The venue was marvellously decorated with draping on the ceiling, perfectly complimenting the grand chandelier in the middle. Ivory-colored ostrich feathers can be seen as the main statements of the decoration. The hall used neo-romanian style pillars, but the organizer did a splendid job on transforming it to a chic vintage-themed party, with a modern twist — à la Great Gatsby.

Thank God you told Jaehyun to buy you a new dress — because you’re not sure whether the dress you own would be adequate for the party, but also Jaehyun insisted that he would purchase it as a gift since you moved in with him. Though, you must say you didn’t expect him to purchase an Elie Saab dress.

“Jae, what the heck!”

“What?”

“I thought you were just going to buy me some dress from Zara, not something from Elie Saab!”

“Well I just happened to walk past their boutique after meeting a client. Then I remember I still owe you a dress, so I browse for a bit and I think you’ll look beautiful in this.”

“You don’t like it?” He gave you a puppy stare.

“Of course I do, but this is beyond anything that I could purchase! Are we still able to refund this?”

He chuckled, laced with a hum of amusement at the matter. “I never refund my purchase, love. Please just take it, it’ll look lovely on you.”

And that is how you are able to steal the audience’s attention. Jaehyun's choice was a black, one-shoulder sequinned gown. It dresses you glamorously, with the long flowing cape-like detail on one of the shoulders, but still keeping it rather demurely by retaining the classic black dress silhouette that is not over the top. One of the slits was up above your knees, exposing your leg every time you took a strand.

However you know every one’s eyes are targeted towards the arm that you linked with Jaehyun. Few glares were mostly from the women, wondering how you could be Jaehyun’s companion for the night. Of course, that makes you feel insecure, and you unconsciously held his arm tighter. Jaehyun noticed that you’re nervous. He is used to being the center of attention, but you don’t. He reassured you, clasping your fingers together warmly. You look at him, only to see him smiling at you gently, and that’s enough to put you in ease.

You saw Johnny from far, and it seems that you will share a table with him tonight, assuming from the waiter’s direction. 

Johnny was ready to greet you with a smile, except that he didn’t after he saw something, instantly turning his expression sour. 

“Jaehyun,”

A tall, poise middle-aged man approaches Jaehyun. His hair is smoky-grey, paired with a darkly handsome heavily lined face. He shared a baritone-voice like Jaehyun, but colder. It was confident, but husky as the man had probably consumed too much cigar throughout his life. You swore you’ve seen this man before, but you can’t really remember. But what is certain is that he is a man with power, at least judging by his charismatic aura.

Jaehyun didn’t let go of your hand, and the reason being he is probably seeking mental support.

“It’s rare for you to come to our annual party, father.”

His last word takes you by surprise. You thought you were just going to enjoy the party, drinking a few champagnes and probably introducing yourself to few of Jaehyun’s friends and colleagues, but definitely not his family.

“Ah, yes.” His father clasped his hand together. “I thought it was a nice change of pace. Also, I think it’s about time for him to come, don’t you think?”

“Him?”

Soon after, a figure appeared from his father’s back.

“It’s been a while, elder brother.”

Now it’s Jaehyun's turn to be nervous.

“Mark?”

A/N: I have to use this chapters in multiple settings, unlike the previous ones! It might feel a bit jumpy? But I hope everything will make sense as the story progresses! :)

[captainscanadian]

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 7)

My Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Summary: You finally decide to open up to your friends, realizing that opening up your heart would definitely make everything better. You knew exactly what you needed to be better.

Word Count: 7170

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Doctor!Natasha x Platonic!Reader, Lawyer!Peggy x Platonic!Reader, Doctor!Tony

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse & Alcoholism, Surgery, Organ Donation, IV & Needles, Emotional Distress, Physical Pain, Drugs, Hospital Stay, Homelessness, Anxiety, Betrayal

A/N: After the last few updates, some of you have been very upset with me and I know that. I hope this make all of you happy. <3 Gif is not mine, credits to the respective owner!

Primum non nocere // “First, do no harm”

Though some may say that Latin was a dead language, it was that single Latin phrase which you had always lived by. No one really knew the origins of that phrase. Whether this exact phrase was even mentioned in the original Hippocratic Oath was debatable, but it is commonly believed that the promise “to abstain from doing harm” in the modern version oath itself came from this particular Latin phrase.

As a doctor, you had sworn to uphold the Hippocratic Oath in order to be able to practice medicine. But upholding the oath did not just apply to you practicing medicine alone. It was certainly binding; it was a sacred piece of text to all doctors, nurses and other medical professionals in the world for generations. It applied to the way you lived your life, just as much as it applied to the way you practiced medicine. Perhaps the Hippocratic Oath had been the reason why you were currently in this situation. After all, being a better person had been just as important to you as being a better doctor.

“I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures that are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.”

You had firmly believed that it was your duty to apply all measures that are required for the benefit of the sick. That was why you had even volunteered to donate your liver in the first place. Even if he was your abusive father, he was still a patient. This was a measure that only you could have taken, for you were your father’s only offspring. Anyone else may have had a choice in whether they must come forward to donate a piece of their liver to save another life, but as a doctor who had sworn to the Hippocratic Oath, you had been left with no choice. You had to do what you had to do. There was no other option for you than cutting out a piece of your own flesh.

“If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.”

It was true. You as a doctor, with your knowledge and the skills that you had acquired from the professors and surgeons before you, did have the power to take a life as much as you had the power to save a life. All it took was one wrong cut, one wrong dosage and one wrong judgement to take a life on your table. But as a physician, you could certainly not do that. You had to uphold the Hippocratic Oath. Did this certain promise to not use your power to take a life or play at God not apply to every other decision you made in your life? You did have the power to take your father’s life had you chosen not to move forward with the transplant. With his position on the list and the wait time for a liver transplant, he certainly would not have made it. But you knew that it was not the right thing to do. You could not violate your oath nor play at God like that. You had to do what was within your power to save his life, not take it.

“I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.”

This was your obligation as member of society to your fellow human beings. Your father, regardless of who he was and whatever the issues you had with him, was a fellow human being who deserved to be treated as such.

You had thought that you did the right thing by donating your liver. You had saved his life and it had brought you a sense of relief. You had not brought him harm. You had often wondered if you leaving behind your parents had brought them more harm than good. Had you intentionally did them harm? While you wished that the answer was no, you knew that was certainly not the truth. After all, you had done them harm... though not physically, you had put them in harm’s way by worsening their financial situation. It was only a matter of time before they end up on the streets of Buck’s County, and as someone who’s had to live through that, even if it was for one night, you would not even wish that upon your worst enemy let alone your own parents.

You could not deny that a part of you wanted to fix this for them. You wanted nothing more than to make their lives easy. After all, you had made their lives harder as they had made your life harder as well. Sure, they had abused you. But you could not blame them for their behavior. Losing their business had put a strain on their whole being. While being a child who needed to be provided with food, clothing and shelter was certainly not your fault, you blamed the added stress of providing for a child along with the emotional distress that came with being bankrupt for being their reasons to take it all out on you. Had they been right about doing what they did? No, certainly not. But should you wish that they must continue to be punished for their wrong-doings? Had they not had enough, being hated by an entire town while their own child had fled them? Had they not had enough, with your father drinking away his health and your mother being burdened to be the sole breadwinner of the family? They had had enough. You could not let things get worse for them.

You certainly did have the money. But you also knew that paying off their medical bills would mean that you could no longer afford to keep your make shift clinic running at the local homeless shelter. You had been put in a position where you had to choose between the countless of homeless people who depended on that shelter and your clinic and your own biological family. And what kind of a daughter, let alone human being could you be, if you chose to help those unknown people while your own family might even end up in the streets at this point. This choice was certainly not as easy as the first one.

It had taken a few days for the hospital’s in-house attorney to draft a proper contract upon the request of Dr. James Barnes. But she had done it to the best of her ability, ensuring that by accepting his payment, your parents did agree to never contact you ever again. She had triple-checked that this contract had no loopholes and that you were protected from them, as you should have always been.

She had even informed Dr. Romanoff, Dr. Wilson and Dr. Parker of the situation, for they had been the doctors on your case and needed to know of the current circumstances between you and the recipient of your liver. However, she had only shared the financial aspects and not the emotional ones. After all, she still respected your privacy and decision not to over-share the issues your personal life with anyone else, even if they were your friends.

For the sake of protecting you and this hospital, though she knew that your parents were certainly not smart enough to come after the hospital anyways, she had also informed Dr. Stark of what Dr. Barnes was about to do. There was no reason for the hospital to be involved in this transaction, unless there was an eventual lawsuit, which there would not be. As long as the hospitals bills were paid off, Tony did not object to it. In a way, even he had cared about ensuring that your abusive parents were out of your life. He had even mentioned to Peggy about him paying off the bills out of his own pocket; all it took was a little nudge from the attorney for the Chief of Surgery to understand that this was Bucky’s burden to bear.

“No, he pays them off. She finds out, even though he doesn’t want her to. Then she’ll finally realize that he’s been in love with her all along. She’ll ask him about it. He’ll have no choice but to fess up and they’ll both live happily ever after. Is that not what you want, Tony?” Peggy Carter had asked him, a hint of frustration evident in her voice. As a mother herself, she was disappointed extremely disappointed at what your own parents had done. If she could have done more than just draft a contract in this situation, she would have done it all. Hell, she would have taken their asses to court and ripped them to shreds if you did have a strong case. But you did not and this was the next best thing she could do for you. “Because that’s literally what every single person in this entire fucking hospital wants at this point.”

“Do you really think he’ll fess up though? I made a bet with Pep. She says he will but...  I wouldn’t put all of my faith in him.” Tony had remarked with a chuckle.

“This thing’s been going on and on forever. It’s about time it all came to an end.”

“But he doesn’t even want her to know that he’s paying them off. How is she going to find out about it?” He had asked the lawyer, his eyebrow raised at her.

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Tony?” She asked the man as she crossed her arms against her chest. “He can be this selfless, righteous... ‘I just want to protect her even though she doesn’t love me back and I don’t want to put my money down because of my own personal gains’ ... all he wants, but I’m not going to let him do whatever he pleases by now. The bloke’s the godfather of my child and she’s the closest thing Steve’s had to a sister. Those two are going to get together by the end of this thing and I’ll make sure of it.”

“Sounds like you’re meddling, Peggy. Are you a meddler though?” He asked as he feigned a dramatic gasp. “Is this what my father taught you? Meddling? Really? Is that what Howard taught you to do in court? How often do you do this in court anyways? How much have you meddled in the past?”

“Oh get over yourself...” She rolled her eyes at him. “As a matter of fact, your father did... teach me what it means to meddle in certain cases, not that I agreed with him or anything like that. There is a reason why I left his firm all those years ago but that’s not the point. This isn’t a court case, its Bucky and Y/N’s life and I’m going to meddle... the living shit out of it if it means that we’ll get a happy ending. Steve agrees that someone’s got to do something and he knows he’s not the right one to do it either. So, I’m going to meddle and get those two together, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“I guess I better get ready to lose my bet with Pepper then.”

While Peggy did not completely agree with Bucky’s decision to pay off your parents himself, she knew that this was the only plausible solution to your dilemma. Though there were certain legal actions that could have been taken against your parents, she knew that you would not want to go forward with that. And even if you did make that call and had approached her for legal advice yourself, she would have told you not to do it. After all, the court would have suggested settlement anyways. A case of emotional extortion would not stand in court and knowing of your past, the last thing Peggy would have wanted was for you to relive that trauma in a court room. The court room was a brutal place just as it was and you had suffered enough.

“Are you alright, love?” She asked you as she sat down at the edge of your bed, her hand reaching over to grab yours. “I know you’ve had a rough couple of days but is there anything... anything we could do for you?”

Your eyes glazed over as you shook your head. “No... no, I... I’ll be fine, Peg.” You croaked out. You were still in and out of consciousness, thanks to the pain medications that continued to be pumped into your system. The dosage was controlled, but it made no difference. Even when you were completely knocked out, a part of you still felt the pain. But you could not tell for sure if the pain you had been feeling was physical or emotional. It was blurry...

“Sweetheart, you know you can talk to us about anything... right?” Natasha asked you as she stood by your bedside. To say that a part of her felt slightly frustrated that you had not opened up to her over the years would be an understatement. But she understood that you must have had a valid reason for trusting only a few people. Though she could not deny that she had grown to despise your parents a lot more now that she had found out about their attempt at extorting money from you, she had tried her hardest not to show it when she had to face them. After all, she was still in a conflicted position being your father’s doctor and your friend. She wanted nothing more than for all of this to be done for good. After hearing from Peggy about Bucky’s decision, all she could do was hope that the man would finally come forward and confess his feelings to you. She knew that he did not want to do that but she also knew him. She had known him for years, ever since they were residents. If anything, Dr. James Barnes was good and fixing broken hearts and your broken heart was indeed his to fix. “We’re your friends, Y/N. We’re here for you because we care about you. You know that, right?”

You sniffled as you turned over to look at your general surgeon, though you tried to ignore her words. A part of you wondered if your request might offend her, but it was for the best. You did not want to hurt her as much as you did not want to get yourself hurt again as well. You had a reason to want what you had wanted, so you might as well just ask her already. “Actually... Nat, there is something you could do for me.” You told her with a nervous smile, a sigh escaping your chapped lips as you looked over at her..

The red-headed surgeon perked up at your response. “Sure, what is it? What can I do for you?” Ever since you had first started working it this hospital, Natasha Romanoff had been the one who had constantly approached you in hopes of befriending you. Though her attempts had often failed, she took no offense to that. She had heard from Steve that you were not the kind of person who liked to hang out in a large group of people so she had let it slide until you were ready to accept her friendship.

You could not deny that this woman was extremely forward and perky, much to your dismay at first. It may have taken you a few weeks to warm up to her, thanks to a heart-liver transplant that the two of you had first worked together on. But eventually, you had managed to hang out with her outside of work. You were not one to go out a lot, but when you did, it had always been because you had accepted Natasha’s invite.

Even when it came to her being your father’s doctor, you had requested for her to be yours too. In most transplant cases, the donor and the recipient had different doctors and a whole separate team dedicated to them, working on them separately. But Natasha had been the one you had trusted with your own life. You had asked her to be the one to cut you open and remove your liver and she had made the arrangements to do so. You had trusted her to be your doctor and she was your doctor, a good one at that.

“Can you... can you refer me to... psych?” You asked her as you looked down at your lap. “Preferably with Dr. Rhodes, he already has a file on me and he’s familiar with me... I think I have a lot to talk to him about.”

Dr. Romanoff frowned at your request as she walked up to you, sitting down across from Peggy and taking your other hand in hers. “Y/N, honey...” She let out a sigh and you could have sworn that you saw her eyes glaze over with tears. “I’m not going to pressure you to open up to us. None of what’s been happening to you lately is any of our business. But it breaks my heart that you... that you’d rather share what’s going on with you to a psychiatrist than your own friends. I don’t know what it would take for you to trust us... but we’re all here for you and we’re all worried about you. I just want you to know that we’re not going to leave you hanging. And as your doctor, I’m telling you... you don’t need a psychiatrist. You need a friend. You need a family and you have a god damn family. You have all of us.”

You wanted to believe it. You really did. But you did not know if you should. Someone else had said these exact words to you all those years ago and you had believed her, only to realize how wrong you had been about putting all of your trust in her. She had also said the opposite of these exact words to you to and you had still believed her. For all these years, you had held back from making close friends because you had been terrified to get hurt again, the same way she had hurt you.

Peggy reached over to place her free hand on Nat’s shoulder and turned over to look at you with a frown that matched hers. “Sweetheart, come on... we’re not going to let you go through this alone. Steve’s not going to let you go through this alone. Tony’s not going to let you go through this alone. Barnes... is not going to let you go through this alone.”

You could not deny that your heart skipped a beat when the woman had mentioned his name. Dr. James Barnes had always had a special place in your heart. You knew that you shared a very special bond with him, a bond that was just not the same as what you had or did not have with anyone else at this Brooklyn Hospital. You had met him that night when you had been at one of your lowest points in life; you had been ready to give up on your entire career that night, which had been the one thing that had kept you going up until that point. You would have given up on your whole life had you not met him, for he had told you to aim to be a better surgeon and you had strived to be just that over the years. In a way, he was the reason why you were still alive today.

You remembered the first time you had become acquainted with his name though. It was not when you had first arrived at Brooklyn Hospital. No, it was years before that. You had been a fourth year medical student at NYU Med at that time, meeting with one of your former undergraduate professors for coffee. Though the woman had only taught you in your freshman year, you had kept in touch with her throughout the years of your undergrad and medical school. She had always appreciated having her former students come back to visit her, though you knew that you weren’t the only one who had kept in touch with her over the years.

When you had mentioned that you were planning on becoming a cardiothoracic surgeon following your graduation from NYU Med, she had recalled to you that two of her former students had went on to become successful cardiothoracic surgeons in Brooklyn. All it took was a Google search for you to find out who they were, Dr. Steven Rogers and Dr James Barnes. In a matter of hours, you knew exactly why the two of them were the best heart surgeons in all of New York. You had read every article they had published on the medical journal and watched every video of their surgeries that had been recorded and published for teaching purposes. They really were the best at what they did and you knew that training under one of them was the only way to succeed in your own career.

You had become determined to land a fellowship at Brooklyn Hospital and had worked your butt off during residency to get there. You had made it where you wanted to be. But even then, things did not seem like they were going to get better for you, at least not until you had met Dr. Barnes. He made you want to be better. He made you better.

Over the years, you had gotten to know Bucky as much as you had gotten to know Steve. Aside from having to work closely together, he had been one of the few people whom you had gotten to know outside of work as well. Although that had not been your intention, you could not deny that he had gotten to know you a little more than you would have allowed him to.

Perhaps the turn of recent events had been you realize just how oblivious you had been to your own emotions. But you felt something for that man. You knew you did, even though a part of you knew that he may just be way out of your league and he may not feel the same way about you. You did not have the courage to act on these feelings but you knew that you felt something for him, you had been feeling something for him the moment he had walked into your make shift clinic at the homeless shelter that night.

It may have been his dark jeans and leather jacket that he had been wearing that night. They did make him look extremely attractive. It may have been the way he had come all the way to the shelter after not finding you at home and apologized for the way he had treated you in the OR. He sure had been persistent that night. He had respected you enough to give you a personal apology and no one had ever treated you with such courtesy. It may have been the way he had walked you back home or told you that you were capable of doing better than what life had to offer you. He was a true gentleman though. There was no denying that. But that snowy night in New York, when you had ditched the formalities and gathered the courage to address him by his first name, you had fallen for him. And unbeknownst to you, that same night when you had called him by his first name, your James had fallen for you too.

“Peggy, where’s Barnes?” You asked her as you turned over to look at her, biting down on your chapped bottom lip as you let the tears stream down your face. “He hasn’t come by to see me in the last couple of days. I haven’t seen him since... before my mother... came to see me.” The James Barnes you knew had not dared to leave your bedside since the moment you had first woken up from your surgery. But when you needed him the most, he was nowhere to be found. “I know he was mad at me for... not listening to him and going forward with this transplant. But is... is he...” You could not find the words to say that all you wanted at that moment was his presence, the glint of his bright blue eyes and his genuine smile that always calmed you down. You wanted his hands on top of yours or your head to rest on his shoulders like that day in the supply room almost two weeks ago. All you wanted was James, even if he did not want you. You wanted that clarity that he always brought to you.

“Well... I’m glad you asked about him because I didn’t know how to start that conversation.” The British woman let out a sigh of relief as she gave your hand a squeeze. “He’s... not mad at you, darling. I can tell you that for sure. He’ll never be mad at you. He respects you and your bodily autonomy above anything else. He’s... just been a bit busy with patients, you know... you know how it is. He’s also been... um...” If the woman could just spit out Bucky’s plan and did her meddling as she should, she knew that all would be well. But she was hesitant about sharing this with you, for a part of her was worried about your reaction while another part of her was not willing to break Bucky’s trust. She felt conflicted, even though she knew exactly what she had to do.

“I miss him...” You admitted, a small smile creeping upon your lips. “I miss... him sitting on that chair with a book in his hand and pretending to read it even though he knows I’m awake and watching him. He’ll keep reading until he gets to the end of the page before he turns over to look at me... I miss his smile, the way he always calls me ‘doll’ and... I miss him... scolding me for not wanting anymore pain meds... and grabbing my PCA remote and pushing the button himself because he can’t stand to see me in pain. I miss him watching me doze off. I miss him... placing a kiss on my forehead... when I fall asleep. I was pretty sure I was hallucinating when I first felt him do that but... he did it more that once so I know that actually happened... more than once. I miss... waking up to him... and... he was always there and I felt safe, like I could get through this with him at my bedside. But ever since he left me... things haven’t been getting better and... I don’t know. I miss him.”

Natasha and Peggy looked at each other with wide eyes before quickly looking back to you. “What?” They both said, in unison. They both knew what this meant. You must not have been as oblivious to Bucky’s feelings as they had thought you were. Not to mention that it seemed as though you had felt the same way about them. If they only knew for sure, they would know just how to meddle with things.

You leaned back your head against your pillow as you close your eyes, thinking about everything that had happened to you that had led up to this moment. “Margaret...” You whispered, as though her name had imprinted itself as a curse word in your mind. Saying the name of the woman who had somehow instilled some sort of fear in your heart had been terrifying itself to say the least. But you knew that you had to let her go. It was the only way you could finally allow yourself to open up to anyone. To Natasha and to James.

“What?” Peggy perked up at the sound of her name. You did know that it was her name. Perhaps, she may have been the reason why you believed that not all Margaret’s could be so cruel.

You opened your eyes to look at the woman and shook your head, letting out a sigh. “Margaret. She was my... roommate... at NYU. The first real friend I had... or so I thought. It was strange to me, you know... to find a friend in someone that the housing department had assigned to live with me. But I... I was young, just turned eighteen, finally out of the system, on my own and starting college... I was so excited to have a friend after being alone for... my whole life. I had a whole life ahead of me and... Here was... someone who... who actually gave a shit about me and I was grateful that... I had someone to call my friend, maybe even my found-family.” You could not help the tears that continued to stream down your face, the ping at your heart as you had just opened up the baggage you had been unnecessarily holding onto for years. “You know that feeling that you get when you... think that this person would be there for you throughout your whole life when no one else would? That was her. I thought she would be my best friend for life but... I was wrong about that.”

Natasha was still holding onto your hand as you continued to speak. The thought of you having had a best friend in the past did not surprise her to the slightest. After all, she firmly believed that anyone who met you would genuinely want to be your friend, as she had done so when she had first met you. But she could not help but wonder how this friendship had ended for you, since it had certainly left such a lasting impact on your social life, even after all of these years. Whatever happened between you and this Margaret, it must have caused you a lot of pain. Because if there was one thing that she had just realized, it was that this person was the reason why you had been so closed off; the reason why you had been hesitant to accept her friendship at first. There was one thing that she knew for sure though. Whatever may have happened with you and your former friend, it must not have been your fault. She knew you well enough to know that you would never intentionally even hurt a fly, let alone another human being.

“I mean, we were best friends. We... spent a lot of time together, did things that friends in college... did. She was the one who took me to my first college party, bought me my first drink when I turned twenty-one... she really got me to come out of my shell. And I was willing to do that for her. I was willing to put myself out there for her; I never did that for anyone. I went above and beyond for her... you know... I valued her friendship so much that I was willing to sacrifice... anything for her. No one wanted to be my friend through high school because everyone hated my parents. No one knew my parents in New York, no one cared who they were or what they did... or who I was, really. So, her wanting to be a close friend of mine... I was grateful. I gave up a campus job once in first year because she needed a job; I had two other jobs already so it was fine. I... uh... always did things when she asked me to... like... things that she did around campus. She... had joined a sorority and when she... did these events for them, I would buy myself a ticket and show up because I wanted to support her. Charity fundraisers... I was the first one to donate. I... couldn’t afford it but... being a good friend was more important to me and I would have expected her to do the same for me. I guess... we were close friends, but maybe it was just... me... maybe I was the only one who thought that when she didn’t...? I don’t know how things... even happened. I mean, after a while... she started hanging out with all of her sorority sisters a lot more... ditched me but... I didn’t think much of it at first. You know, I... I’m not an idiot. I did notice that she was spending a lot less time at home, but I really didn’t think much of it. I thought I was overreacting... and I let it slide.” You paused to take a breath. “I didn’t think she was... deliberately trying to distance herself from me. I mean... it was my fault.”

Peggy was listening intently as you spoke, for you had not even told her or Steve about this certain Margaret. But there must have been a reason why you had kept this from them. If you had kept it from them for as long as you had done, it made her wonder why you had chosen to share this with her and Natasha rather than her and Steve. Why now? The problem was your parents, right? So, why were you bringing up your former friend? She wanted to put the puzzle pieces together but she was unable to figure it out on her own.

“I... I always told her everything... everything about me and... What I’d been through, what was going on with me. I mean, she had to live with me... right, so... I know I had a lot of emotional baggage then, still do now but... back then, I was younger and a lot more... vulnerable. The wounds were still fresh. I just needed someone to lean on and she was always there... she didn’t mind it. She always told me that she didn’t... until one night. I remember being in my room, studying for a Biology exam. It was... December... and it was snowing really badly. I could see the snow falling from my bedroom window and... The next thing I knew, I felt like... I don’t know, I had an anxiety attack. I felt like the room was closing in on me and it just... I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking, I was cold... I remember putting a sweater on and just... hiding under my blanket. The heater was on. I tried to warm myself up but... I felt cold, my feet were numb. I panicked and I didn’t know what to do. My first instinct was to grab my phone and call her. She didn’t pick up and... I was... my hands were shaking so much when I texted her. I asked her where she was, she said that she was just leaving class and that she wasn’t coming home that night. I told her that I was... having a panic attack and that I needed help... that it felt like the night... that night in the snow storm... she knew what it meant. I had told her about what happened that night with my mother... so she knew why I was feeling... the way I did. But... just when I needed her the most... just when I thought that... she would... at least try to get me some help...” You felt a sob before wincing in pain and you could have sworn that you had felt a tug at your heartstrings. Margaret was not an easy subject to talk about but she was necessarily. She was the reason why you had given up on finding any sort of companionship in anyone, whether it was a genuine friendship or a romantic relationship.

Dr. Romanoff immediately sprung to her feet, moving over to gently pull you into a side-hug, careful not to mess with the wires and tubes that were still attached to you. Honestly, at this point she could care less about them though. If she did mess them up, she could just put them back in you herself. She knew that you needed a hug and she was going to give you a damn hug.

“The next thing she said to me... the last thing she ever said to me before she moved into her sorority house... she said and I quote, ‘Fuck off, I’m not a qualified therapist,’ and... I kid you not... it hurt like a bitch when she said that. I was shocked... I was... I didn’t know what to do, I... I knew that I’d just lost the one friend I had, I wasn’t sure if... she was the one real friend anymore but... I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself. I had ruined something for myself, I felt like I could never do anything right. Things were finally starting to get better and I had... just fucked it up with her. I just cried myself to sleep that night.” You admitted as you let out another sob, leaning your head gently against the red-headed surgeon’s shoulder as you sobbed.

“Holy shit, what a bitch!” Peggy exclaimed as she stood up to hug you from the other sweetheart. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry... you had to deal with her. You know, none of that is true. You’re...” Even she was at a loss for words as she turned over to look at Natasha and gave her a nod. If was not the right time for you to know just how unconditionally loved really were, she did not know when it would be. You needed to know what Bucky was about to do and she was going to tell you either way.

“I thought she was my friend but...  she had hurt me. I never saw her again but... after what happened with her, I just... couldn’t get myself to become friends with anyone. I couldn’t let myself trust someone and... Give my all in a friendship and get nothing in return. To have my feelings be hurt like that... Nat, I didn’t mean to push you away for all these years. I was just terrified... terrified to get close to anyone because... you become close to someone, you tell them everything, do everything for them... one day, they’ll be your best friend and the next day, they’ll tell you to get a therapist.”

“Oh Y/N...” Natasha Romanoff did not utter a she word as she held onto you, her arms wrapped tightly over your shoulder as she gently held you against her body. Her hand stroked through your hair as you continued to sob, and you had felt the weight that you had been holding onto for years start to fade away. “I’m so sorry you had such a terrible friend. I can understand why you would have had such a hard time trusting anyone after what she did, after what your own mother did. People suck, Y/N... I know that for sure. But not all of us can be so terrible. We’re not like that; we won’t ever... judge you or throw you away like that. We are actually in it for life.”

“I’ve been... I’ve been holding myself back from trusting people, from having relationships. I kept believing that I wasn’t worthy of being loved because... I thought no one could love me.”

“Oh honey, you know that’s not true...”

Peggy looked over at Natasha and bit her lip. “No, it’s not... Y/N, I can’t speak for all Margaret’s but I’m sure that not all of us are such devils. I mean, at least I’m not like that and you know that. I would be honored to be your replacement Margaret if you would let me. I... I hope you would let me.”

You gave her a weak smile through the tears. “Yeah, well... you’re a much better Margaret than her, Peggy. But... um... I’m still scared... I.. I want to tell him everything, everything since the very beginning... the night I left Buck’s County, the day I got to New York, Margaret... my parents... the loss of a sense of belonging... a sense of being loved... that I lost years ago... the sense of belonging that I lost when I left home... that I didn’t get back until that night... when I was crying in an on call room and he made me realize... that I did belong in this hospital. He made me better... he makes me better, and I need him right now. I want to be better. I want him. Buck’s County is not my home... it never was, that’s where I left. But Bucky Barnes... James... he wouldn’t tell me to fuck off and get a therapist if I opened up to him and... told him how I really feel about... everything, would he?”

Natasha was in tears when she realized what all of this meant. Things were finally starting to be better for both of her friends and all she could do was hope that they ended well. She pulled back from the hug before wiping away her tears, her hands on his hips as she looked down at you and shook her head. “Fuck, no... of course, not!” She told you as she let out a chuckled. “If he dares to do such a thing, I’ll pull him by his hair and drag his ass through hell myself.”

Peggy Carter let out a sigh of relief as she wiped away her tears, hugging you for a moment longer before she pulled back. “As a matter of fact, he... he’s been thinking about making things better for you long before any one of us did. He... uh... he’s decided to take care of your dad’s medical bills himself. Of course, he didn’t want you to find out what he was going to do because you would have said no. But um... he said he’ll take care of it. He’ll make sure that your parents are well taken care of... financially speaking.”

You reached your hand up to wipe away your tears, a small chuckle escaping your lips. “James was always quite philanthropic. But it makes sense because... he... my clinic received a cheque from an anonymous donor a few years ago. I knew it was him because he... he has a big heart, even though he says he doesn’t. He’s always had a big heart.”

“You knew...? You knew it was him?”

You nodded. “I’ve known all along, Nat. I’ve known everything. I was just dumb enough to believe that I didn’t deserve any of it. But I’ll be doing much better once I see him. I need to see him.”

[dragonstoravens]

Babylon Vol. 1: Bad Behavior, A Dancer in her Own Right

[ID: a blue patterned banner with text reading “BABYLON.” End ID.]

(Two chapters today, but this one’s a bit of a shorter update anyway. Believe it or not, we’re getting towards the end of volume 1 now!! It’ll be all posted by the end of December, and then in the new year at some point we’ll start posting 2. We’re also looking into Wattpad, and maybe even making an audiobook, so keep an eye out for those updates. Enjoy the chapters!)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @charlottedotexe @glitterandstarshine @rainbowcoloreddays @the-starlight-chills @erased-in-stone

General: @elywritesbydarkness @residentofthedisc @humour-and-hyperfocus @skyfirewrites @viawrites-andacts

17. Bad Behavior

    A tap on her shoulder alerted Azure to someone just behind her. She turned, smile plastered to her face. The woman was about her age, grinning conspiratorially. That was never good, in her book. Grinning usually meant there was a plan for the conversation, and conspiratorially meant she’d have to actually participate. She washed away her distaste for the idea with some champagne before speaking.

    “Hello, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

    “Oh no, we haven’t. Samantha Whitewater, my family owns the Whitewater mining firm.” The introduction was followed by a small bow, which Azure returned. A colony family, then. Whitewater continued. “I just wanted to congratulate you.”

    Congratulate her? She hadn’t done anything of note to these people. She never made deals and she talked about herself as little as possible, trying to create a black box of a history no one would question. There was nothing to congratulate, and even less for a stranger to bring up out of nowhere. She touched the comm.

    Hey Hotshot, you remember anyone from the Whitewater family?

    I think I got a proposal from them once, he responded. More business than pleasure, though I think they wanted a marriage too. At least they didn’t keep pushing when I denied both.

    That was all she needed. At least Samantha and her family had manners. Her smile relaxed to something more genuine. She didn’t know what she was about to be congratulated for, but at least it wouldn’t be underhanded. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, things have been awful slow for me lately.” 

    “Oh, nothing like that. I’m just congratulating you on making such a good match. No one else here could say the same, though of course the Jericho name is something of a hot-ticket item to many of us. My own family included, I have to admit.” She laughed like it was some kind of joke between friends, and Azure’s blood pressure rose. Trinity, seeming to just take notice of the conversation as Azzy’s burgeoning anger began to make itself known through their mental link, began to turn, a crease in his brow the only sign of confusion showing through the ice-sculpture poise he wore around these events like armor.

    She blinked to cover for the twitch in her eye, tucking her hands behind her back to cover the sparking. She ignored the vague warning of Azzy, no, that buzzed in the back of her head from Trinity, bulldozing on. “I wasn’t aware he was on sale in the first place.” Her words came out clipped, stilted, and poisonously sweet. Speaking of her friend as though he was an item made her stomach churn, even in retaliation. These events often weren’t terrible until something like this came up, the word choice surrounding people objectifying and economic in the worst manner. But never once had someone brazenly spoken about Trinity to her face before, like it was normal or expected. That was her friend Whitewater was talking about, the one who’d taught her about shrimp forks and helped her reach high shelves in her lab and made poorly edited images of frogs telling bad jokes for her when she was sad. She seethed. “I suppose that would explain why you caught me off guard then.”

    The woman blinked. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what it’s like where you come from--” the incredibly rude phrasing was somehow undercut by the fact that she still didn’t seem to think she was insulting anyone at all-- “but clearly you’re not used to this kind of society. We’re all a commodity here. The best he or anyone should hope for is to find someone equally as useful to him as he is to them, and maybe someone he can get along with-- though with someone as Icy as Jericho I never held out too much hope for that. That could have been me, but I guess it’s you.”

    Azure opened her mouth to speak, but Trinity’s hand on her back stopped her just long enough for her to hear him out. Azure. She’s right. Drop it.

     Azure shot back a response with a dangerous growl entering her mental voice, indignant and angry and protective. I don’t recall askin’ how anyone else here felt about it but me, so you drop it. She cleared her throat, her tone once more painted over with a thin veneer of polite but apparent disdain. “It is me, thank you very much Miss Whitewater. I wish you the very best of luck in finding someone merely useful to you.” If it wasn’t going to get her kicked out, she’d have spat at the woman’s feet like she used to when people bullied Crim in elementary school. Instead, she grinned conspiratorially with entirely too many of her teeth. “Because as we both know, that’s simply the most one can hope for in this wonderful little bubble.”

    “Like you’ve done any better.” Whitewater finally seemed perturbed, angry that something was disrupting her sterile worldview. Her lip curled slightly. “That man touches you like he’d rather be doing anything else. Two inches away from anything that could be considered a little risque, even while dancing? At least someone like me would’ve known what I was getting into, with someone like him.” 

    Trinity saw Azzy draw in a breath, and knew whatever she was about to say would be even worse. So before it could leave her mouth. Trinity had turned fully to face the two of them, and in an instant his arm was wrapped firmly around her waist. His hand rested squarely on her hip-- right on the strip of skin her dress’ cutout bodice left exposed to the air. His fingers dug into her flesh just slightly. Not hard enough to even leave prints on the skin, but just enough to send a message. Azzy relaxed in posture only, looking for all the world like a guard dog that had just been told to sit as she looked up at him sidelong. “I’m sorry, Miss Whitewater, but my date and I have business elsewhere. Will this be all?”

    “Of course. Enjoy your evening, Jericho. Garza.” Whitewater’s voice was stilted. Trinity turned Azzy around and used his arm around her to begin to shepard her away-- he wasn’t sure she was prepared to actually leave this alone, left to her own devices. They made it about ten feet before Azure looked back over her shoulder, sliding her arm around his waist as well and winking back at Whitewater, Garza’s supposed devious intention with Trinity on display. Internally, there was a small blip of take that, asshole, and then a self satisfied calm. Trinity sighed. He hated to play into whatever that was, but unfortunately a deserted hallway was likely the only place he was going to be able to talk to Azzy alone. He tugged her away into a winding passage off to the side of the main ballroom, gritting his teeth as he imagined the scandalized stare that Whitewater woman was probably still sending after them. He couldn’t deny that it was… amusing, to an extent. But he liked to avoid attention he wasn’t looking for at this kind of thing, and the last thing he needed was a jilted business-lover spreading around the fact that he’d pulled his date into a secret corner in the middle of an event. What was done was done, though, and he had to admit he hoped Whitewater felt sufficiently humiliated by the end of all that. Whatever it was.

    Finally satisfied they were alone, he let go of Azzy-- careful not to let his hands linger a second longer than they had to-- and sighed, leaning against the wall with a slightly bemused smile. “What was that about? And why did it seem to have everything and nothing to do with me?”

    Azure blew a stray curl from her face, absently rubbing her hip where he’d touched her with her opposite arm. The consequences of her actions appeared to be finally setting in, and her face was apologetic in that same way it was when she realized she’d started eating in massive bites at dinner instead of polite and small ones yet again. She looked almost bashful as she looked up at him. “Sorry Hotshot, I just...I don’t know, she started talkin’ about you like you were a thing instead of a person. I’m used to ‘em talkin’ about how hot you are, and that’s fine because it’s true at least, but no one’s ever said anythin’ like that about you right to my face before, it pissed me off.” She finally let her own hip go, shaking her hands to rid them of sparks and avoiding his eyes to avoid letting it be known just how honest she was about to be. “It’s rude, and it’s dehumanizin’, and I just believe real strongly that you deserve better than that.”

    Trinity almost denied it, wanting to cite times he certainly had not deserved better, but the last thing he wanted was to open up that can of worms. The wound of his profiteering off that war-torn planet was still too fresh, his apology still somewhat inadequate. Instead, he just shook his head. “I know what you think, but whether that’s truly how I am or not, it’s how I’ve presented myself for years to these people. Besides, she practically called you a bumpkin to your face too, and I’m not sure you even noticed.” He felt something soften slightly inside him as he looked at his friend. She’d been defending him. God strike him down if he knew why. God would probably strike him down regardless.

    She waved a hand, looking unaffected. “Who gives a shit about me? I am a bumpkin for all these people should care. But you’re…” she struggled, squinting her eyes and scrunching her freckled nose as the machinery of her mind ground its way to some kind of an end to her sentence that was eloquent. It failed. Instead, she came out with: “You’re cooler’n they are and they should admit it to themselves and act with some damn respect.”

    Trinity tried and failed for several moments to hold himself together before he burst, doubling over with laughter. She’d never seen him laugh like this in person-- heard it, maybe, over a particularly good meme or something, but never like this, actual tears forming in his eyes. She grinned, wide and crooked, her job here complete. He slapped his knee, struggling to straighten back up. “Ah, Az. You’ve brought us full circle.” He wiped a hand over his eyes. “I give a shit about you. I am also what she said about me. And you are also ‘cooler’n’ them. Yes?”

    Now suddenly she was bashful again. No one ever called her cool. Smart, maybe, or nice or even helpful sometimes, but never cool. She blushed. “Sure. At least I know how to act normal. Sorta. In comparison, at least.” Her hand reached up to scratch behind her ear, sympathy painting her features. “It’s a sad little life she’s about to lead. Honestly, I hope it’s what she actually wants or else she’s gonna be damn lonely without an actual someone to connect with.”

    “It’s a sad life most of us lead,” was his only response. His face was turned slightly from her, into the shadows of the dark hallway, leaving his expression unreadable. “Sometimes there are things more important than our own happiness. Shall we?” He held out a hand, gesturing back down the hall towards the well-lit bustle of the ballroom. It struck Azzy that things in this world seemed to hide better among glitter and blinding lights than they did in the dark. Nevertheless, she placed her own hand gently in his.

    “Now remember, act like you like me or else I might actually have to throw down one of these days.”

    “Right, right.” Trinity huffed out a tiny little laugh, his fingers finding the skin of her hip once more. “As long as you’re alright with it.”

    “I’m a bad actor, this is easier.” She leaned her head into his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning into him. “Plus, this way I don’t even have to stand up straight.”

18. A Dancer In Her Own Right

    Her boots made a gentle beat against the hard metal of the floor. One step then another, sure of herself even as she looked in the opposite direction to her movement. There was a rhythm to her every sway, every object she tossed over her shoulder and caught in the other hand a step in a dance she was choreographing on the spot. Something from this drawer, cross the room to another cabinet, all of it swirling around that constant central point that was the examination table and her workbench. Watching her set up for a deep maintenance test was like witnessing a ballet. Her stretch for something off a high shelf was easy, graceful. She knew exactly how far everything was, exactly how many steps to get there. She carried the objects she collected as though they weighed nothing, a spring in her step the whole way. 

    Trinity sat on a counter as far out of her way as he could get, but he might as well not have been there at all, for all having another person in her space slowed her down. He couldn’t help but marvel a bit at the sureness of her movements, now that she was in a place entirely her own. In society and on a ballroom floor she stumbled occasionally, one might even assume she was clumsy. That thought would be long gone the moment they saw this dance, one made by and for her, the perfect combination of grace and power. Ballroom dances were as much for the observers as the dancers themselves, but being able to observe this felt like a privilege more than a right. Being allowed to appreciate this sight as an outsider, a friend but someone who would admit freely that he couldn’t even begin to understand her, was a gift. In this moment, Trinity relaxed, and let himself appreciate the organic yet mechanical beauty of her, without letting his brain get in the way. After all, dancing was supposed to be instinct above thought. 

    She held out a hand, and he automatically picked up a wrench that sat at his side, placing the handle in her palm. She took it without looking, and the dance went on. She vaulted casually onto a countertop like it was the most natural thing in the world, grabbing some gray box off a shelf near the ceiling and hopping down without a hint of hesitation, no signs of exhaustion as sparks flew in her wake. She made her way back to the center to drop both things off, to pick up something else, to continue this seemingly endless waltz. Individual curls of hair freed themselves from her braid, her beanie long discarded in favor of having the goggles she typically wore around her neck situated atop her head. She stopped briefly at the edge of her stage, only to map out a new path that carved the edges of the room from the center, a small bucket in hand to hold whatever things she needed as she went along. She needed a lot of trinkets and tools, and she knew what each of them were. She paused briefly in front of him, and pointed above his head. It took him a moment to insert himself into her rhythm again, then he knew what she wanted without words. He slid off the counter and held out his hands to make a step for her, boosting her up to whatever it was she needed to reach. She stepped lightly onto his outstretched hands, opening a cabinet and pulling a bottle down in the same motion as her descent back to the ground. She flashed him a grin, crooked and pleased. He heard a snippet of something she was humming to herself, low and sweet, her own orchestra to accompany her own dance. 

    Now that he was no longer needed for the moment, Trinity hopped back up on the counter, content to just watch her work in perfect harmony with herself.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Shaken (Tales From The Heart)

Fandom: One Piece Rating: Gen Warnings: None Characters: Law, Shachi, Heart Pirates

Law liked to consider himself as not easily shaken. Things that would upset many people did nothing for him – bloodshed and general gore, for example – and he strode around in public with his smirk fixed firmly to his face. How true that statement really was, however, Law tried not to think about too much. He'd been shaken before, as a child alone and abandoned in the world, and sometimes those feelings would come back if something happened to one of his nakama, or his nightmares surged to the forefront of his mind.

It was more common than he cared to admit.

He hid it from his nakama when he could, staying in solitude until he had control over himself again, which a decent success rate (not even the ever attuned Penguin, Shachi or Bepo could tell if he contained it in the safety of his room before going out to face the new day).

That morning, it was his mind churning up memories and convoluted what-ifs of their winter island adventure the previous day. Carelessness and bad luck had conspired against Law, leading the snow he'd been walking on to being not as solid as he'd believed, giving way beneath his feet with an alarming crack and sending him plummeting down into frigid water before he'd managed to summon a Room and escape.

The shock of the cold water had stolen his breath away in one swift blow, leaving him unable to even struggle to keep his head above the water. Luckily, he hadn't been alone, his nakama close enough to come running the moment he crashed through the snow and firmly grasp his arms before his head submerged. Less luckily, they'd also ended up on weakened ice hidden by snow and had also found themselves taking an unexpected swim.

They hadn't lost their grip on their captain, though, pulling his arms over their shoulders as they trod water, keeping him afloat as they hunted for a way back out of the water. Limp and useless, Law could do nothing except be a dead weight against their struggles, feeling himself being passed from nakama to nakama as their strength waned. He'd ended up in Ikkaku's grip, the last one with enough strength to keep her arm wrapped around him, with the rest of his nakama bobbing wearily in the water and barely capable of keeping their heads up, when help finally arrived.

Like the rest of them, Bepo crashed through the ice as he got close, but unlike his human nakama his thick fur insulated him from the shock. A rope was clenched between his teeth, running back to the rest of the crew, where Jean Bart was anchoring himself firmly back away from the broken ice and Penguin and Shachi helped grip it. In the water it took some fumbling, human fingers frozen and Bepo's paws not helpful for knot-tying, before the rope was secured around Law's torso, just under his arms, and he was pulled out. Soaked to the bone, Law could do nothing more than collapse on the ground, panting heavily and watching with half-lidded eyes as the rest of his nakama were pulled out.

He must have passed out, as the next thing he knew was the sight of his bedroom ceiling. He was warm and dry, bundled up in blankets.

"Captain!" a delighted voice exclaimed, and he turned his head to face Ikkaku, who was similarly bundled in blankets but otherwise looked fine. "You're awake!" There was no need to state the obvious, Law thought, but gave her his best attempt at a smile, considering the circumstances.

"Is everyone okay?" he asked, trying to move but finding his strength had been entirely sapped by the water.

"Everyone's fine," Ikkaku reassured him. "You were the only one to pass out." His pride should have rankled at that, but all he could think of was how relieved he was to hear it. Being the only fruit user, it carried a certain amount of sense, anyway.

"I see," he said with a smile, closing his eyes again. "That's good; I'm glad." He kept the smile up until he heard her leave the room, presumably to tell the others he was awake, when it dropped suddenly.

If someone had been seriously ill… he would have been useless. Falling unconscious when half his crew were in serious danger of hypothermia was a failure as both captain and doctor. His hands shook, and he balled them into fists. That none of them were suffering was luck – far too much luck. Law didn't get luck like that, and it made him nervous. He wanted to see them, to confirm it with his own eyes, but his body didn't want to move, stubbornly unresponsive.

Bepo's arrival was well-timed before Law started to strain his body too much.

"I need to see them," he said bluntly, and Bepo didn't question it, scooping him up into his arms and taking him to the recreation room, where everyone was bundled up in blankets, regardless of whether or not they'd taken a dunking.

"Captain!" Uni called out, waving until Bepo made his way over, depositing Law inside the blanket-bundled crew where he was quickly surrounded. They kept moving around, so it was difficult to focus on everyone long enough to check they were truly okay, but with the light atmosphere and constant movement he was reassured that there was no lasting damage.

If only his subconsciousness wasn't so willing to show him "what ifs" while he slept, jerking him awake more than once during the night with the fear that someone was dying, a sensation only pacified by a trek around the sleeping quarters. The following morning found him tired, the combination of his disrupted sleep and residue weariness out with a vengeance, and he fumbled his cutlery at breakfast. If anyone noticed, no-one commented, to Law's relief. Perhaps they thought it was residue from his dunking, Law didn't bother to ask. After one too many almost-accidents with his mug, Law retreated to his quarters, citing the cold as an excuse when asked.

He'd be fine in a few hours, he reassured them. He didn't need them hovering, either. Yes, he'd come see them once he felt better. Heavily implying that they shouldn't disturb him, he returned to his room, sitting on the bed and staring at his hands.

They were still shaking, but they weren't cold at all. It was fear, the fear of what he could have lost and he shuddered as unwelcome mental images formed of his nakama, all frozen to death while he was merrily sleeping away, victims of his carelessness. He rested his head in his hands, trying to shut the images out.

The door opened and his head jerked up, hunting down the intruder with a scowl because he'd wanted to be alone. Shachi said nothing as he walked in, shutting the door behind him and heading straight for the bed – for Law. The younger man did nothing, hoping that if he didn't react, Shachi would get the message (a fool's hope) and leave him in peace. There was no such luck, the ginger sitting a short distance away from Law on the bed.

Law waited for him to speak, expecting some sort of pep talk, and jumped when Shachi simply flopped over, his head landing solidly in Law's lap.

"Sha-"

"Butterfingers," Shachi said bluntly, his voice muffled by Law's legs. Law scowled at him, or rather the back of his head. The hair was warmly coloured, the ginger shoving the cool what-ifs further back in his mind. If he put his hands in there, would they warm up?

Law hadn't braided Shachi's hair in years, stopping in silent embarrassment after realising what his father had really been after, even if it had also worked to control his fingers. He didn't know what Shachi's aim was, flopping like that and disturbing him when he'd specified he wanted to be left alone, but his fingers remembered what his hair was like and never gave Shachi a chance to escape.

The ginger didn't even try to move away as Law gave in, shaky fingers threading through ginger strands a couple of times before attempting a braid. His fingers settled into a familiar pattern, and not only did Shachi continue to stay where he was, but Law could have sworn he felt a smile against his thigh. Was this really what he was after? Law knew that Shachi preferred having other people cut his hair, but to extend that to things like having his hair styled was a new consideration, with suspicious timing.

Law didn't notice when his fingers finally stopped trembling.

[beakami]

The Force and Love Series (01/04): It’s Just Fear (Obi Wan x Reader)

Hello everyone! This is the first chapter of one of the series I’ll be posting. I am so high on Star Wars right now (Though I intend on writing a couple of Marvel one shots in what’s left of the week).

It has been ages since I was active here but I really want to come back (specially when I am getting sooo tired of twitter, really, too sick of it) and intend to be active and bring you all many good stories so. Let’s start ^^

It is finished and it will be 4 chapters, but just for now. Once I rewatch the movies and finish The Clone Wars series I will probably write some more ^^

Summary: Reader is rescued from a life of servitude when Obi Wan and Master Joda find her while on a very important mission. Her connection with the Force is deep and quite different from the one the Order is used to. She is now free but, what will it be of her life? Will she follow the path of the Jedi? Will feeling get in the way?

Warnings: Will change in furute chapters but for now just some angst and mention of slavery. IF there is anything else you see and think I should add here, please, do tell me and I will do so gladly. Enjoy

Count: 2442 words

 >>There were many outstanding beings in the Galaxy. Those strong with the Force; those who knew how to heal people or machines; or simply those with a strong calling, outstanding even if just in passion. You whished you were like them, stronger or smarter or special in any way, because you saw yourself as very less than you really were. You couldn’t see your good traits, relinquishing them as just “normal” or “common”. But your patience and loving manners towards other were not easily found; the pure heart beating in your chest was not of this world, for you would rather die protecting others than hurt them; but also, you were unaware of how deep you were actually connected with the Force. And that is why, even if you couldn’t really see it yourself, that the Jedi rescued you.

  >>Sadly, they had found you and freed you from slavery when you were too old by their customs (and your safety) to be trained as a full Jedi, or so they first said. Yes, you felt the Force, you had always done so and in a way that made Master Yoda smile when you said it was just nothing. Because it had always felt as normal to you as breathing, even if you didn’t know what it was. You could see it more than control it, but the discussion was still there…Should they train you? It is not like they would have to start from zero, you had learned yourself as much as you could, asking the very Force what to do, and you always felt it answering, but did you want to be a full-fledged Jedi? Their ways were…well, you liked them, they believed in peace and their love for their Creed was admirable, but it quite shocked you that one of the things they forbid was so vital to you. Love. How could it be forbidden for them when you firmly believed it was the very core of everything good?

  >>You weren’t dumb, you understood the reasons behind it, but even if you had never truly fell in love (being a slave and focusing on not dying whilst controlling the Force didn’t leave much free time) you didn’t want the possibility to be taken from you. Because even if their faces were a little blurry then, you still remembered you parents’ feelings vividly, how their love for you and each other, made that old little hut the coziest place on that Maker forsaken planet you lived. And yet at the same time you wanted to learn, to really understand that part of you that had always whispered in your head, that had been your only companion for many years now.

  >>And there you were, sitting on the grass, just outside of the Jedi Temple in Coruscant, while the Council decided if they would give you a chance that you didn’t know if you even wanted. You sighed, eyes darting up at the blue sky above, not such a clean color due to the contamination of the one big city planet you were on, but so, /so/ beautiful compared to the one of your home planet. You brought your knees to your chest, wrapping them with both arms, pondering what to do. They had saved you after all, and you wanted to learn…you really didn’t want to disregard their generosity but…Could you ask for more that they had already given you? Could you, someone who saw herself more of a burden that anything else just…ask for something? You felt your eyes sting, hiding your face against your knees, really dreading it all, regardless of what their decision ended up being.

  >>It is then, you heard a voice that had grown familiar over the two months you had spent on that place, Master Obi Wan’s.

  -Are you feeling well, Beatrice? – he asked, sincere concern dripping from his voice.

  >>You were not used to such kindness as he had shown you since you arrived. And you felt quite overwhelmed by how not only him, but his padawan Anakin, or Master Yoda had just smiles and good feelings towards you. So, you raised your head, forcing a smile that wasn’t entirely false, because you could never not be grateful towards such gentleness.

  -I am just…worried, Master Obi Wan…I am truly grateful but…I really don’t know what I want.

  >>You said, sincere as always because, what was the point of lying to him when it was so obvious you were feeling distressed? You felt his Force signature tremble a little, as if knowing what was troubling you and understanding just too well.

  -It is expected, dear Beatrice, it is a big change, an important decision that will affect your life forever more, and I understand there are some…harsh conditions. – he answered, his voice calm and understanding as ever.

  >>You met him for just a little while, and yet you felt such a strong connection with him. It was as if you had known each other for years and not months. He was with Master Yoda when they found you and had been around for the past two months, always vigilant, always making sure you felt welcome and didn’t get lost in this new place.

  -I get the reason behind it all, Master Obi Wan but…for me it is just…fear.

  >>He quirked a brow, suddenly as interested as he was confused.

  -Elaborate, please.

  >>You liked how he never demanded, not like your owner, not like you had always been treated; he asked, gently, always giving you time to think your words through, even if he could feel your line of thought in the way the Force in you swayed or changed color.

  -I really believe that those who remain strong and don’t fall to the dark side…would keep as strong if not more if they could love. Would you abandon your family, those you love, for a life of darkness away from them if you could be together in the light?

  >>You pondered, a hand running back through red locks of hair, trying to stay calm, not used to anyone actually listening to what you had to say.

  -Love is never weakness…love is the strongest form of Force, it binds us all together whether is the love for a friend, a brother or a lover.

  >>He raised both brows, impressed at the bold but mature statement you were proposing and you blushed, really loving and dreading the attention all at the same time.

  -Not that I know much of some of those… -you were quick to say and then recomposed yourself- but I remember the love of my parents, and how it was all we had…and yet I never fell into darkness. I never used the Force to hurt others because I knew it was wrong. Yes, I protected my parents more than once but always trying to be my best self…and all because of them, of their love for me and mine for them. That can’t be bad. That can’t lead to the dark side. I think it’s all the way round.

  >>Still silence from him, but another raise of one of his eyebrows assured you he was listening and encouraged you to keep talking.

  -If I’m being honest with myself…I really believe that I would have fallen into darkness if it weren’t for them.

  >>Your eyes fell to the ground, ashamed of the very thought, but he put a gentle hand on your shoulder making you look up at him.

  -It is important to admit those things to yourself; it helps to not have it happen again. -He added and then coaxed you to continue with a soft movement of his hand as he removed it from your shoulder- So…fear?

  >>He reminded you of the first statement you made in the conversation and you nodded.

  -Yes. That rule is based on fear, fear of an enemy even stronger if they had someone to protect, fear of someone who would anyway fall to the dark side, having a reason to fight more fiercely.

  >>You explained, a bit of passion appearing in your voice and vibrating in you Force signature, making Obi Wan look even more surprised at you.

  - Because I have never seen love make someone good turn suddenly bad. Yes, if you have darkness in you, love is as strong as if you don’t, and you’d do crazy things for it. But it doesn’t change who you are deep inside. I have only seen it made good people try their best, and bad people…they just use it as an excuse.  Because when they didn’t have it, they did the same awful things and gave another false reason to justify their wickedness…their weakness.

  -So -he mutters after a while, still pondering something, a thought you can’t grasp but you feel it running though his head- For you, love is like the Force.

  >>You smiled brightly when you felt you had managed to bring your point though to him.

  -Exactly! It is powerful, and can be used for good or evil but…

  -It is not evil nor good on itself. -he finished your sentence and you nodded with a smile-.

  -Exactly…and the fear that it would give more power to those who end up falling into darkness…deprives others the sheer happiness of loving and being loved, and for me that is…just…too sad to bear.

  >>And you meant it, something he clearly felt in how the Force trembled and seemed to embrace you, as if consoling you from that pang of sadness the sole idea made you feel. He hadn’t said it more than once, in a whisper that he didn’t know if either you or Master Yoda heard (though of course he did hear it even if you were closer to Obi Wan and didn’t). He doubts anyone had actually stated it out loud in front of you, but your relationship with the Force was like nothing they had ever seen, being that, the main reason the debating over you had extended for so long, going days with them never ending up deciding on anything. They all felt the Force, and through training and meditation they could control it and be in consonance with it; for them it was a tool, something sacred to respect and use only to pursue the ways of the Jedi. And yet you…it felt like the Force liked you, like it was part of your very being, with you understanding how it worked even if no one was ever there to tell you.

  >>It amazed him…but also scared him, well, it had scared him. For some reason, after those two months getting to know you, and what you had told him now about love and the Force, he felt you could never be dangerous, that you would never hurt anyone good even if that put you in danger. And that softened his heart a little. And he knew, he knew you had to expose your ideas to the Council, because he was convinced that they would also stop being scared of you and your relationship with the Force if they only knew, if they only saw the pure kindness and hope deep within you.

  >>You wanted to talk some more, not only because he was always nice to converse with, but also because it kept you occupied and thus you didn’t overthink everything, wondering what they would be arguing and why it was taking so long, finishing the days without having reached a decision. But when you were going to open your mouth again to ask him what he was thinking, looking at you so concentrated, his name was called, and you both raised your heads to follow the voice, finding Anakin waving a hand to call on his master.

  -I’m afraid my presence is needed.

  -Of course. -you nodded and stood up as he did.

  >>He had told you more than a couple of times that you don’t have to do that anymore, that you are free, but once you managed to tell him that it was not a slave thing, but just out of being polite, he smiled, murmured a “Sorry”, and with a shake of your head to render it all without importance, he never mentioned it again.

  -We will talk more later, but do try to stay calm, you will be welcomed here no matter what you choose. I…think they should listen to your ideas. -You looked at him in disbelief- Do you think you could handle telling the Council what you told me? -he saw the panic in your eyes and put a hand on your shoulder- Only if you want. -He assured you- Only of you think it would help them understand you better…because it had really helped me.

  >>You blinked a couple of times; Did that really help him understand you better? You didn’t really get why, but it felt right, it was a nice change that someone actually cared enough to try and understand you. And…you really didn’t want to go, not back to where no one even knew what the Force was, not back where you were a monster and a freak.

  -I could…try. I…I don’t want to go…and be alone again.

  >>You answered, each word lighter, softer, ending the sentence in just a whisper as you dropped your head. His fingers carefully rounded your chin and lifted you face, finding yourself in front of two soft blue eyes and a lovely smile that made you blush.

  -Do not fret, Beatrice, you won’t be alone again. This is your home now.

  >>”Home”, that word made you forget the fingers in your chin, and even after you nodded and he left with Anakin, promising he would come back later to check on you, it kept running around in your head. “Home” …it sounded so distant for you, so sweet and almost forgotten in the back of your head. You sat back on the grass and whispered it so low that even if someone were sitting right next to you, they wouldn’t have heard it. The word felt strange in your tongue as the syllables rolled over it, warm, tingly and…so long unsaid until he mentioned it, until it really came to you that this could really be home.

  >>When that thought crossed your mind tears run to your eyes, sadness and happiness overwhelming you all at the same time. You could have a home, a family of sorts, people who understood and cared for you, but…why was there always a “but”? You hated it, nothing ever came free, not since…such a long time ago when the love of your parents was provided unconditionally. Ever since then, everything came at a cost, a condition, something to break your body or your heart, and every time the decision was reduced to its minimum expression…was it worth the price?

___________________________

Next Chapter (2)

[perspective-series]

Injured Perspective (11/12)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings:I think nothing

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

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 Patton was excited to come home that day, knowing they were going to meet Roman and Virgil for lunch. He set his bag down and turned to the box, peering inside and smiling down at Logan. “Hey, Lo. How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Fine.” Logan answered curtly. The medicine from this morning had worn off, leaving him feeling as cynical as ever.

 Patton hummed with a smile. “You definitely seem better.” Patton pressed a fingertip to Logan’s forehead. “And you don’t feel warm at all.”

“I told you, I feel fine.” Logan assured him, for once not moving away from the touch. “I’ve recovered.”

 “Really? Hmm...maybe I should give you some more medicine though, just in case.” Patton said, more to himself than Logan though.

“I do not require medicine.” Logan insisted. “I understand that you were attempting to heal me; whether or not it was due to your efforts, I have been healed. Now you can release me, as promised.”

 Patton’s smile turned into a frown. “O-Oh, um...well, about that…” Patton rubbed the back of his head. He had been hoping for some more time to prepare and prolong this conversation but he supposed now was the time. “I think...I think it would be better for you if you stayed here permanently.”

Logan blinked. “...come again?” 

 “Just, hear me out, okay?” Patton took a deep breath. “I don’t know a lot about what you are and such but I think I know enough to know that your life isn’t...the best. You survive well enough but you aren’t living.” Patton gave a comforting smile. “But here, with me, I can give you everything you need! Food, shelter, clothes, you name it! And you wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again. Doesn't that sound nice?”

“No, it does not sound nice.” Logan spat. He had expected this from the start but it still stung. “It sounds completely unacceptable. You promised to let me go. I have my own life, and it should be my choice how I chose to acquire my resources.”

 “Well...I never actually promised anything.” Patton said, biting his lip. “Look, Logan, I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“If you really mean that you’ll let me go.” Logan said firmly. “I’ll reiterate that I don’t want to be looked after as though I’m a belonging incapable of independent thought.”

 “I don’t think that! I just think you life could be better.” Patton said. Besides, he didn’t want to lose him either. “Look, maybe we should talk about this more later, we’re supposed to be meeting Roman and Virgil for lunch.”

“No, we’re discussing this now.” Logan pressed on, knowing he was losing Patton’s focus. “If I were truly to have a life here, I would want to choose it for myself, not have it thrust upon me. Can you not understand that?”

 “I-I do but your so focused on the ‘bad’ and you aren’t even considering the good.” Patton said with a slight pout.

“I have considered the good.” Logan informed him. “But it’s outweighed by the constant waves of negativity. You don’t even view me as an adult, let alone a competent one despite the fact I have been thriving on my own in these walls for years.”

 Patton shook his head, glancing at the time. “Look, we really need to get going. Let’s just talk later, okay?” Maybe Roman could help convince him even.

 He reached down and picked Logan up around the middle, making sure to be gentle.

“It doesn’t seem as though I have much of a choice.” Logan squirmed weakly, knowing he never got a choice.

 “I’m sorry.” Patton said, feeling bad. But at the same time, he knew this was best for Logan. “Hopefully you’ll see my side of things soon.” Patton kept Logan close to his chest as he started towards the front door.

“I wish you would do the same.” Logan sighed.

 Patton didn’t bother answering, instead he focused on making sure no one was in the hall before climbing up the flight of stairs and to Roman’s apartment. He knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Roman called, sat at the dining table with a loopy Virgil corralled by his arms.

 Patton came in, smiling as he saw Roman and Virgil at the dining table. “Hey Ro! Hiya Virgil.” He brought his hands out. “Roman, this is Logan.”

 Virgil looked up at the other human, swaying slightly. He doesn't think he likes this human but he can’t really remember. And then he saw the figure in his hand and he lit up. “Lo-Lo!”

Logan’s heart fell, watching the pathetic way his friend was acting. It appeared the human had finally captured him as well. 

“Er, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Logan.” Roman gave the borrower a hesitant smile, ignoring the way the borrower glared at him.

 “I want Logan!” Virgil called out and Patton chuckled, it seemed like Virgil was still on the medicine. How cute.

 “Alright, here you go.” Patton set Logan down and Virgil went up and hugged him.

 “Logan! You’re here!” Virgil said with a loopy grin.

“Yes, I am present.” Logan said in bewilderment, giving Virgil an awkward pat. Was he truly this delusional while on medicine?

“So, erm, what were you thinking we should have for lunch?” Roman asked. “I forgot to prepare anything.”

 “That’s okay, you shouldn’t be up and about yet anyway.” Patton rolled up his sleeves and grinned. “I’ll cook us some lunch. How does…” He looked in the fridge. “Oh! How does hamburgers sound?”

“Oh, yes, that sounds great, Pat.” Roman nodded. He looked down at the borrowers again. Even reunited, Logan looked so uncomfortable, clearly sizing him up and looking for an escape route. He didn’t even have a hook, yet Roman had no doubt if he were to leave them alone the borrower might jump off the table regardless.

Roman let out a sigh. He had promised Virgil that he’d try to help, but… at the same time, even Roman was hesitant to go. No matter. It wasn’t Roman’s choice to make.

“Ah!” Roman suddenly cried out, putting his acting skills to use as he clutched his leg.

 Patton whipped around, eyes wide with concern. “Roman! What’s wrong?” Patton went over to him, hovering his hands over his leg but not touching it.

“My leg, it just had a bad flare up.” Roman said through gritted teeth. “I think I need to go lay down…” He paused, pretending to think for a moment before looking up at Patton with puppy dog eyes. “Would it be alright if we eat in my bedroom, Pat?”

 “Of course, Roman. Here, let me help you over there.” Patton helped hoist Roman up and head towards the bedroom.

Logan watched the humans leave, not believing their luck. It would only be a matter of moments before they returned, so they would have to act fast.

“Quickly, Virgil.” Logan instructed, pulling Virgil towards the edge of the table.

 “Hmm? Where going?” Virgil said, letting himself be dragged.

“Shh.” Logan shushed him, glancing anxiously at the doorway. “Home.” He looked over the edge, spotting the chair ready to cushion their fall. “Alright, we need to jump. Follow me.” Logan released Virgil’s arm, leaping off the table and safely landing on the soft surface.

 Virgil looked over the table and down at Logan, looking confused. “What ‘bout Ro?” He asked, not wanting to leave his friend.

“It’s alright, he’s in the other room as well, now hurry.” Logan urged Virgil on.

 “But...he’ll be worried, when sees that we...gone.” Virgil spoke, having a bit of trouble.

“What?” Logan could not believe this is what Virgil was worrying about right now. He shook his head. “Nevermind that, Virgil we need to leave.”

 “Hmmmmmmmmm, okay.” Virgil jumped down and let out a laugh as he stuck the landing only to fall on his butt.

“Oh my goodness.” Logan gave a tense sigh, infuriated that Virgil wasn’t taking this seriously. “Now please, carefully, follow me.” Logan instructed, beginning to climb down the chair leg.

 “Why we leaving?” Virgil asked, tilting his head as he just watched Logan climb down the chair. He blinked slowly.

“Virgil, come on.” Logan snapped, using his no-nonsense tone. He was not going to blow his one chance at freedom, not after so many days as Patton’s captive.

 Virgil’s eyes went wide and he despite his brain being foggy, he understood that this was important. So he wasted no time in following after Logan, climbing down and to the floor. “Sorry.” He said, pouting and looking down.

“I forgive you, but we have to hurry.” Logan could already feel the tremors of a human returning. He yanked Virgil along, dashing like a madman towards the vent nearby.

 Patton walked into the kitchen. “Let me just grab-” He was cut off when he saw no one on the table. “Oh no.” He looked all around and then went on the floor to search. But he couldn’t see anyone.

 In a panic, he ran back into Roman’s room. “Roman! They’re gone!”

“What?” Roman wasn’t sure if he felt elated or deflated that the plan had worked.

 “I searched the whole kitchen and they’re just gone.” Patton said, he groaned and wiped at his eyes. “We shouldn’t have left them alone that long…”

“I, well, maybe this is for the best?” Roman said hesitantly, unsure how his friend would react.

 “What? How is this for the best? Virgil is sick and now they’re all by themselves and they’ll have to go back to trying to survive each and every day.” Patton shook his head. “No, no we have to go find them. Maybe set up some humane traps…” Patton trailed off in thought.

“No!” Roman cried out, looking aghast. “Patton, do you even hear yourself?”

 “Huh?” Patton turned around to face Roman. “What? Don’t you want to get them back? To make sure they’re safe?”

“No, I don’t!” Roman insisted. “I mean, sure, I’d like them to be safe, but it’s not right to force them to stay here. Who are we to say what’s best for them?”

 Patton blinked. “I...but it’s safer with me, with us.” Patton tried, though at this point he might be trying to convince himself too.

“Not necessarily.” Roman argued. “We’re huge compared to them, and could easily accidentally hurt them. That would be terrible!”

 “But...But I’m careful, I would never hurt them.” Patton said, biting his lip. 

“And they would be miserable trapped forever like that.” Roman grimaced at the image. “Do you really want that? To be stuck with somebody who hates you?”

 Patton’s eyes widened. “Logan doesn’t…” He trailed off, looking down in a depressing realization. No...Logan did hate him. From the moment Patton had found Logan and forced him to stay, Logan had hated him.

 “Oh…” Patton said softly, eyes downcast.

“Oh, Patton, come here.” Roman looked at Patton sympathetically, patting the side of his bed and scooting over to make room.

 Patton sat down, placing his head on Roman’s shoulder. “I...I messed up, huh?” Patton asked in a quiet voice.

“Yeah.” Roman admitted, wrapping his arm around to rub Patton’s side. “You were trying to do the right thing, but ...well, we all fall short sometimes.”

 “I just wanted to give them an easier life…” Patton said, leaning into Roman’s touch. 

“I know.” Roman assured him, having wanted the same thing. “But sometimes people don’t want to take the easy way out. It’s not as fun to go through life having everything handed to you.”

 “I...I guess not.” Patton let out a sad sigh. “Oh, I feel so bad now! ...Even worse when I knew all along that it was bad, I just thought it would all be okay, after a while…” Patton looked down. “Now I can’t even tell Logan or Virgil that I’m sorry.”

Roman winced. “I know, that must feel rough. Maybe you could leave a note? There’s a chance they’ll read it before they leave.”

 Patton deflated. “I guess...that’s my only option, huh?” There was no way they would come back themselves in person.

“Pretty much.” Roman confirmed. “You might want to hurry, I’m...not sure how long they’ll stick around.”

 Patton nodded and stood up. “I’ll order you some pizza and bring it to you. I’m uh, gonna go write that note.”

“Go ahead, don’t worry about me.” Roman waved him off. “I can just fix myself a sandwich or something.”

 “You sure?” Patton said, feeling bad.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Roman assured him. “Worry about yourself for a change, Pat.”

 “Okay.” And with that, Patton left Roman’s house. He had some amends to hopefully make.

---------------------------------

Logan stayed diligently by Virgil’s bedside, waiting for the medicine to take its toll and Virgil to heal. He had a lot to think about, having overheard the human’s exchange while they traveled through the walls. 

It could be a trap- the humans could have just said those things knowing they could be listening in. But despite himself, Logan found himself curious what that note said. 

 Virgil groaned awake, blinking his eyes open. “What? Where…?” He sat up and looked around, eyes going wide when he saw Logan. “...Logan?”

“Hello Virgil.” Logan gave a soft smile, testing Virgil’s temperature with the back of his hand. “How do you feel?”

 “I-fine, but-” Virgil shook his head and launched himself at Logan, hugging him. “How did you get away? Wait...are we in the walls? What happened?”

Logan returned the hug firmly. “The humans left us alone for a moment, so I took advantage of it and brought us both to safety.”

 Virgil blinked. “Wha-they did? How? Why, what happened?” Virgil asked.

Logan thought back, trying to remember how it all went down. “Roman’s leg flared up and Patton had to assist him back to bed, and they neglected to bring us along.”

 Virgil stared at Logan for a moment, before his face broke out into a huge grin. “Oh my gosh, he actually did it.” He laughed. “I didn’t expect him to do it while I was loopy like that but he did!”

“I am confused.” Logan frowned. “Who did what?”

 “Roman! He faked that flare up to distract Patton, he must have.” Virgil had never been more thankful to Roman then in that instance. Especially because his plan had given Logan back to him.

“Why would he do a thing like that?” Logan was still puzzled. 

 Oh, right. Virgil hadn’t really gotten the chance to talk to Logan about Roman. “Roman is actually pretty chill, for a human.” Virgil admitted with a smile. “He’s been trying to help me from the start to get you back.”

“Virgil, listen to what you’re stating.” Logan reminded him gently. “Perhaps Roman only wanted to gain both of us for himself.”

 Virgil shook his head. “No, see, I thought that at first too. But-But Roman’s proved himself. Especially with this distraction he pulled in order to help us escape.” Virgil sighed. “Look, I know it sounds crazy. I never thought I would be saying this about a human. But...I think might consider him a friend?”

Logan raised his eyebrows. “You are correct, you sound quite delusional. Are you certain the medicine has evacuated your system?”

 “I’m fine.” Virgil promised. “I feel great. Especially knowing you’re back and okay.” Virgil smiled at Logan. “You...are okay? Right?” He didn’t think Patton would hurt him but it didn’t hurt to check.

“Yes, I’m alright.” Logan nodded, his mind going back to the conversation he had overheard. “Patton was… overbearing, but gentle.”

 Virgil sighed in relief. “At least he didn’t hurt you, that’s good.” Virgil frowned. “What about your sickness? Is it gone? You seem okay…”

“Yes, I’ve made a full recovery.” Logan nodded. “I was doing better, and the medicine, admittedly, worked wonders.”

 “That’s good and yeah, I hate the loopy effect but I feel all better too.” Looked like Roman was right after all.

“In that case, we should begin packing.” Logan instructed.

 Virgil frowned. “Oh...right, yeah we...should.” Virgil looked down. He knew it was what they were supposed to do. He even told Roman that and Roman let them go knowing full well he wouldn’t see them again but...how was he supposed to just up and leave after admitting to Logan and himself that Roman was his friend?

“Are you alright?” Logan took note how Virgil’s demeanor had shifted.

 “Uh, yeah, I just...do we really...have to go?” Virgil asked hesitantly, already picturing Logan’s reaction.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Are you implying we stay in a building with two humans who know of our existence, one of which stated explicitly he intended to hold me captive for the rest of my life?”

 “N-No, no, I just…” Virgil trailed off and sighed. “No, you’re right. We should get packing.”

“Alright.” Logan paused, remembering how he would need to take the long trek back to his home, where Patton’s room would be so close. “I best be off then.”

 “Okay, just be careful. I guess we’ll meet up back here tomorrow morning?” Virgil asked, even though he knew it wouldn’t give him a lot of time.

“Sounds satisfactory.” Logan prayed he would be there, if not… well, frankly by this point Virgil would have a good guess where to find him. Logan gave Virgil a wave, heading off on his own.

 Virgil watched Logan go, before grabbing his borrowing bag and heading off in the opposite direction. If he had to move...then he at least wanted to say goodbye to Roman. And thank him.

Roman was sat in bed, not quite as bored as before he met Virgil but doubly upset. He was scrolling through his phone, desperate for a distraction he knew wouldn’t come.

Roman had made the right decision, he knew that. That knowledge certainly helped soften the blow of losing a friend. He hoped Virgil would be alright out there, wherever he ended up. Of course, Roman would never know for sure.

 Virgil took a deep breath before running out into the open and towards the nightstand. He still didn’t have his hook, which he should make another before they left, but he could still scale the nightstand now problem. Which he started to do.

Roman paused, so uninvested in his phone and attuned to small noises by now that he heard the rustling as soon as it began. Or at least, he hoped he did. It would be a pity if his mind was playing tricks on him.

“...Virgil?” Roman asked, turning towards the noise but unable to see anything.

 Virgil pulled himself onto the nightstand and turned to smile at Roman. “Hey, Ro.”

Roman grinned, shocked but elated to see the borrower again. “You came back!”

 Virgil chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, course. I...wanted to thank you. Logan told me what you did.”

“He did?” Roman was surprised to hear the other borrower was on his side; Roman was under the impression Logan didn’t like him very much. “Ah, well, you’re welcome. No trouble at all.”

 Virgil’s smile slowly turned to a frown. “Um...I also came to say...goodbye.”

Roman’s grin faded. “...oh. So, you’re still leaving then.” The human’s tone became quieter, more forlorn.

 “Yeah...honestly, I-I don’t want to.” Virgil took a seat at the edge of the nightstand. “I know I’m supposed to and all, what with the rules, and Logan doesn’t want to stay either cause of Patton but...your my friend, Roman. And I don’t want to leave you.” Wow, he never thought he would say that, not about a human and certainly not too a human.

Roman let out a soft ‘aww!’, clutching at his heart. “Virgil, I’m flattered, but your going to break my porcelain heart. If you really want to stay then...why don’t you just stay? I mean, I know, Patton, but he seems to finally see the error of his ways, and even then it would be easy enough to stay away from him.”

 Virgil shook his head. “I-I don’t know. I don’t think Logan would let me stay. He doesn’t fully believe that you have good intentions.”

“Well, then maybe you could bring him to meet me?” Roman suggested. “I know we met briefly but he obviously didn’t see me in the best light… but I’m sure between the two of us I could convince him! Surely he can’t be any more stubborn than you.”

 “Oh trust me, he is.” Maybe even more so. “And he’s a little traumatized Ro...I don’t know how good of an idea it is to drag him out here. And he’d never go willingly either.”

Roman winced, feeling poorly for both Logan for suffering and Patton because he knew his friend felt guilty. “Alright, maybe not right away. But eventually? In the meantime, you two could just borrow from me, I promise to make it easy.”

 “That really does sound nice...but Logan is already set on going.” Virgil sighed, rubbing his arm. “He’s packing up as we speak and we’re supposed to meet up tomorrow morning to...leave.”

“...oh.” Roman’s face fell. “Where will you go?”

 Virgil shrugged. “I’m not sure yet...I think Logan will at least want to go a few buildings down. Which is gonna take us close to a week to get that far.” He muttered the last bit. He was not looking forward to this journey.

Roman respectfully held back his smile at the thought of a few houses taking a week. While it was amusing, it was also almost sad. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay going that far?”

 “It’ll be dangerous.” Virgil didn’t sugarcoat it. “Especially if the weather turns bad on us.” He groaned. “There has to be a way for us to stay.”

“Surely you can convince Logan, you know him better than anyone.” Roman urged. “You know it’s safer here.”

 “I know you’re safe. But...what about Patton? How can we be sure he’s changed?” Virgil asked.

Roman took a moment to truly think about it. “Believe it or not, Patton is a good person. He was trying to do what was right, but he had the wrong thoughts on how to do so. Patton felt terrible when he was here, and we were even brainstorming ways to apologize. I don’t think Patton will be trying to keep a borrower again any time soon.”

 Virgil let out a deep breath. “Okay, I trust you.” It may have not been the first time he said it but he found he said it the easiest it this time. “I’m gonna try and convince Logan to stick around.” Virgil said, a determined glint in his eyes.

Roman’s eyes lit up. “Wonderful! Virgil, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

 Virgil smiled. “Logan is stubborn, but so am I. I’m sure I can convince him, especially if condone to his logic.” Virgil smirked and crossed his arms. “Because believe it or not, staying here is the logical option.”

“Oh, I believe it.” Roman assured him.

 Virgil chuckled. “Well, I have until morning but it’s gonna take me awhile to get back, so I should probably start heading out.” Virgil said.

“Alright.” Roman gave him a wave. “Best of luck. If all goes well, maybe you can stop by tomorrow? I’ll make you food.”

 “Can’t say no to that.” Virgil chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Virgil climbed down the nightstand and went back into the walls, going over the conversation he would soon have with Logan in his head. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too hard to convince him.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Reiji Sakamaki (Story 13)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Monologue

An unique chess match performed in the church.

Fortunately, it ended with a checkmate by me who became the queen piece.

Place: Outside — Church

Yui: Checkmate... With this, we officially won the game.

Reiji: Yes, after all because you moved to the same square as Ruki, Orange truly lost this match.

Yui: (Because I moved to the same square as Ruki-kun, at the end...)

*Ruki comes closer*

Yui: Ruki-kun...

Ruki: No way, for Eve to defeat me like this... — It is really our loss.

Yui: Yes, we won. Sorry...

But, nobody got hurt and it was a really good match we had. Thank you for joining this battle.

Ruki: Even a compassion for the loser just makes the other person more miserable. You will dispose me anyways.

Reiji: That is not the true case. Even if I would plan on disposing you—

There still are two of my brothers in your household.

Kanato: Hah? Why are you looking at us?

Ayato: What are you talking about, shitty glasses!?

Reiji: I will start to explain it now. Yes, it is important for you too, Shu. Please listen to me as well.

Shu: What‘s that supposed to mean?

Yui: Reiji-san, by any chance...

Reiji: Yes, I will tell everyone now. All the informations that we have gathered together.

Since Ruki‘s memories are already shaking themselves, we may be able to fully trigger them.

Yui: I agree. If we tell them now, they might really remember...

Ruki: What are you talking about? Was it a condition that the loser is supposed to understand the winners mind now?

Do you pretend to be a hypocrite who goes around and tells people that he will save them?

Reiji: That is wrong. I am saying that I will be helpful for you. It is my freedom to handle the loser as I please after all.

And as you are now, you may be able to regain your true memories.

Ruki: Memories... ?

Reiji: Yes, I will start from the very beginning.

Place: Outside — Wide area

Kino: Ah, they‘re already done by now. I was really hoping for them to fight a little more.

It would be boring to just stay here. But if I go back I’ll surely get caught by them...

Guess I’ll just hide myself until everything’s over. See you later, with my noisy older brother, Eve.

Well... just don’t think this will be the ending of everything already.

Place: Outside — Church

Reiji: —Those are all the events that I and she have come to experience here. And, everyone’s original memories as well.

Yuma: You’re kidding me... Ruki is actually my big brother!?

Shu: So these guys are my brothers... ?

Ayato: The hell you‘re saying? Yours Truly can’t be related to someone like you!

Kanato: It’s already terrifying for me to only have four siblings, but now you‘re telling me we are six... that’s hell.

Shin: That story is surely just made up from him. It's not easy to rewrite anyone’s memories like that.

Yui: That's what I and Reiji-san thought about ourselves.

We both kept wondering what would the reason behind this mystery be.

But, we are definitely sure that it’s someone’s work. Everyone has messy memories and we are locked up in this space.

Because everyone is fighting, it surely must be someone else’s work.

Ruki: ... It really is hard to believe.

Reiji: I believe that you will not trust this right away. But, I want to do my best to make you believe in me.

To leave this space, we can not do this alone anymore. We need you to encourage us in our cooperation.

Yui: Ruki-kun... please.

Ruki: ...Alright.

Yui: Eh... !

Ruki: I was the one who got defeated. In addiction, there wouldn’t have been a point for you to hold into Eve, in other words, you bet your own life for her.

I might be able to understand the truth slowly. For now, we will cooperate.

Reiji: Thank you for your decision.

Yui: (Ruki-kun, he promised to cooperate... !)

Reiji: It is not what you probably expected, but it seems as if we have made a step forward.

Yui: Yes! Now you don't have to contend with everyone in Orange anymore.

Besides, if Ruki-kun and the others will follow you, it will be pretty reliable.

Reiji: Oh, it is just like I could not help myself alone anymore in this situation, that is all.

Yui: Eh... ? N-No... ! That's not the case!

Reiji: Fufu, I know. I just made fun of it.

Yui: Heh...

(But, I feel like the light has finally entered their minds once again. Reiji-san’s complexion is also getting brighter)

(If we continue to move forward step by step at a time, we surely will get out of here one day—)

???: This is certainly not proved.

Yui: Huh... ?

Shu: What is that voice...

???: Fight, seek and compete. Even though true love appeared in such a place like this—

Yuma: Who are ya!? Show yourself!

*bright light*

Yui: Kyaa!?

(What? It’s so bright... ngh!)

Socrates: This is a very bad situation ... It is already at the point where I have to interrupt you.

Yui: A light... are you talking?

Reiji: Who are you?

Socrates: My name is Socrates. I am the person who created this space, and rewrote your memories.

Reiji: Socrates... !?

Yui: Do you know that thing?

Reiji: Y-Yes... if my memories are correct, this person is one of my fathers dearest acquaintances.

Yui: Karlheinz-sama!?

Ayato: ...Karlheinz... ?

Socrates: This was unexpected. I did not know there was someone knowing about my existence.

Reiji: Socrates... that name. You have been spying on us since we all were children.

One of our fathers greatest acquaintances... However, why are you showing such barbarous manners?

Yui: Ngh, that’s right... Did you really mess up our memories and trapped us in this space?

Socrates: Indeed.

Yui: No... that can’t be!

Socrates: I wanted to try it out. Adam is ascertained by my friend. Whether it is really appropriate or not.

Yui: Adam... ? Did Karlheinz-sama identify that?

Reiji: I can not guess what happened, but could it be that you might have lost confidence in my father's thoughts?

Socrates: No. I just did not believe his words. I could not accept it without any certain proof, so I made one myself.

Yui: Is that the reason why you rewrote everyone’s memories? We’re still fighting each other!

Socrates: This is all about the love between Adam and Eve. To try the bond of those both.

Yui: Love, Bond... ?

Socrates: I erased the love and jealousy between both of them. If they would lose it, would they fall in love with each other again?

I wanted to have it proved by myself. Therefore, everyone's memories were rewritten and locked in this place.

In this miniature garden, or more likely this space that looks like a chess board.

Yui: Proofing... because of that... ?

(This stupid proof, it may have caused someone to lose their life in this space ...!)

Reiji: If I put trust into your words, she Eve, and myself as Adam were your personal test objects.

Together we were able to regain our memories and share hands once again.

There is no need to try this anymore. Would you please, release everyone’s memories so they can return?

Socrates: I can not do that.

Reiji: Why is that?

Socrates: It is hard to say that the desired outcome is finished by just holding hands together. That is definitely not enough.

With the king, in other words Adam. Only once you excluded all the others, Eve‘s heart will be yours for eternity.

Nothing else is enough.

Yui: Exclude others... are you saying that we are supposed to kill everyone? That’s messed up, we can't do that!

Socrates: Then you should live in this miniature garden forever.

Yui: Such... !

Reiji: Unfortunately, there is no conflict anymore. We already have a cooperative relationship with the Orange family.

Violet, we will stop this family for whatever it takes as well.

Socrates: Why would you do that? If you truly want to get out of this space, you just need to follow what I told you.

Just exclude all the others. Why do you hesitate to give an answer to that request?

Reiji: One thing to make everything disappear — I am aware of the stupidity behind that idea.

As a memory of my own past, I am firmly engraved in myself....

A similar tragedy from my past will not be repeated again. Even if you try to reluctant your will.

Yui: Reiji-san...

Socrates: ...So that is it. Is that really Adam's choice? I will respect that if it is.

But, this trials can not be interrupted.

Yui: Eh, after all... !

Socrates: As long as the last piece still remains on the board, or the rules are not broken...

This trial will never end. A miniature garden made like that. I can not release it that easily.

Yui: Such... !

Socrates: Never grieve again. Just keep fighting until the last piece disappears from the board.

If you refuse to kill each other, I might see myself forced to cut down the created flow.

It was me who supplied the supplies to live in this miniature garden in the first place. I might break this flow then.

Reiji: ...What was that?

Socrates: If you would run out of food, a human being as Eve will die, regardless of vampires and founders.

If you want to protect Eve, get rid of the others and become the only one surviving, Adam.

*bright light*

Yui: Wha... !?

(The light from before... ngh... what is this...)

Reiji: Yui, come here! I will not leave you!

Yui: Y-Yes!

Ruki: Nh... aghhh!?

Yui: Ruki-kun!?

Reiji: Do not move for now!

Shu: Kch... what’s... that...

Ruki: Shit... Aghhhh!!

Yui: Everyone... !

(I can't see anything. What is going on!?)

(My consciousness... is fading... )

Place: Outside — Church

Yui: N-Ngh...

(D-Did I faint? Everyone...)

(Oh, Reiji-san! I've been hugged by him all the time...)

Reiji: Uhh... what... ?

Yui: Are you okay?

Reiji: Yes, you seem safe as well... what about everyone else ...?

Yui: I don't know, I just woke up myself...

(Ngh, everyone has fallen. Did they faint as well? Or maybe—)

Reiji: Please wait. I will take a closer look.

Yui: Y-Yes...

*Reiji gets closer*

Reiji: ... It seems as if they have lost their consciousnesses as well. No one is dead.

After a while, they should wake up naturally once again.

Yui: Really? That’s good...

(Then what was the meaning behind the light before?)

That thing, Socrates-sama... That person himself is the one who locked us in here.

Reiji: Indeed. I never thought it would have been one of my fathers acquaintances.

He said that he is testing the bond between Adam and Eve. That means, we both are his personal test object.

And that person still needs to be convinced ...

Yui: Yes… he said that he wouldn’t be able to get us out of here, unless we exclude everyone.

Choices

1) — That's the only way (black)

2) — We can't do that (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— That‘s the only way

Yui: It seems to be the only way. If we do so, we can get out of this miniature garden...

Reiji: At least, it would show him to be completely satisfied with our doing.

Yui: Such...

Reiji: However, I do not think it is the best option.

— We can’t do that ♡

Yui: But, we can’t do that. We need to escape from here before we might lose everyone...

Reiji: I highly agree. I do not want to follow such a crude way.

There should be another way that he will agree with.

Yui: That’s right. I’m sure there must be something...

end Choices

Reiji: But, all about the masterminds plan is starting to become clearer which makes me feel a little relieved.

Yui: Eh? Why is that?

Reiji: Doing such a large-scale play ... It was something I could not have thought of anyone would do, except for my father.

Yui: Ah...

Reiji: If the mastermind really is my father, what would you think about me as brother if I left Shu behind because of it...

To me, you might be wondering about my answer, or maybe you already expect something like this...

Yui: Reiji-san...

(Surely, if Karlheinz-sama really plans on making Reiji-san do such a thing, he maybe...)

*Yui reaches Reiji's hand*

Reiji: Oh, what are you doing?

Yui: I really want to hold hands ...

Reiji: I am sorry. I might have made you worried while saying something extra.

Yui: That’s not it... but I thought it would calm the both of us down if we did that.

Whoever is trying to separate the both of us will never be able to steal our love for each other.

Reiji: This is... Right now I am supposed to be on the dark side, as I have been told to ...

*Reiji comes closer*

Reiji: Thank you very much. There was no need to worry about this topic in the first place.

You were the one who chose me. With that as fact, I will never let myself feel bad about this anymore.

Yui: Yes. After all Reiji-san is a wonderful person. That was guaranteed for me from the very beginning.

Reiji: I approached to say something. For you, I would defeat any enemy.

*Reiji kisses Yui*

Yui: Kyaa!?

Reiji: Thank you for your kind words. Besides, my education seems to be more fruitful, so that was a part of my celebration.

Yui: I-I’m happy, but don't kiss me so suddenly...

Reiji: My own pride will not allow me to stay comforted. Please allow me to counterattack you next time then.

Yui: B-But...

(I do like it when he kisses me, but it's embarrassing because my face turns red all of the sudden...)

(But, it was good that Reiji-san laughed at me because of my reaction)

Shu: Ughh...

Yui: Eh... Shu-san!?

Reiji: Shu!

Shu: ... Be quiet. Don't scream at me, I just woke up ...

Reiji: Are you feeling bad?

Shu: I really do feel bad. Waking up is the worst after all ... I feel irritated ...

Reiji: It is not just your feeling, it seems to be your usual mood. Good grief, I really was worried for a moment.

Shu: I can't help it. It’s not like I can stay calm if an annoying old friend from our father appears.

That thing really annoyed me.

Yui: Eh? "An old friend"... ?

Reiji: You, do not tell me you remember...

Shu: Yes, I remember. I remembered all those nasty things.

Yui: Do you really remember everything... !?

Ruki: It’s not like he is the only one.

Yui: Ruki-kun!

Ruki: Apparently, it was the previous light. It might have been the power that woke me up.

If I recall everything, just what exactly was I doing... I was close to slash Yuma ...

Yui: Ruki-kun, you also remember. Is this...

Reiji: It seems to be true. That person... it is Socrates work.

The meaning of tampering us with our memories disappeared. That is why he decided to bring everyone’s memories back.

Yui: Then...

Ayato: Ugh... damn it... that old man! For him to do something like this to me!

This old man dares that!? Not with me, I want to break this guys bones right away!

*Kanato starts sobbing*

Kanato: Uhh ... that is too much. Because of Reiji my whole mind is wrapped up with this.

Once we finally get home, I will have to eat enough pudding to fill up the entire town.

Yui: Ayato and Kanato-kun... Do you remember everything as well?

Ayato: Hah? I didn‘t listen to any of your crap.

The only thing I see right before me is a lowkey forgotten yet blurry face with weird looking glasses on.

Reiji: As soon as you remembered, you can not keep quiet. You got no courtesy, Ayato.

Ayato: Heh, it’s been a long time since I heard that coming out of your mouth.

Yui: (They all remembered ...)

We really... did it... Reiji-san!

*Yui hugs Reiji*

Reiji: Oh ... hey you, you could have hurt yourself running towards me like this.

Good grief, you really are a person with no specifications.

Monologue

I buried my face in Reiji-san‘s chest and turned my arms around his back.

I don't know if I'm happy or just relieved, but my tears won't stop flowing from my face.

Ayato-kun and the others are working with us for now, it just feels like the usual daily behavior we used to see in the Sakamaki family.

And surprisingly one by one—

Carla-san who did not want to stay here, had recovered his memories as well.

But I can't help but be happy about this situation. This is because the memory revision was considered as unnecessary.

There is no longer any need for anyone to become the king. Instead, Reiji-san was forced to make a certain choice.

If we want to get out of here, we must exclude everyone... Those words are echoing in my head—