#anyway so guess who's gonna start playing DnD soon

[smarties-art]

hiiiiii guess who's still alive haha don't mind me

[h4rring1on]

could u do cheerleader!reader asking eddie on a date/prom and eddie thinks its some sort of joke and mocks her or somethin

𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ˋ°•*⁀➷

you and Eddie have been friends for quite a while now, even though you were a cheerleader and he was the freak, you never seem to think about it much. because frankly, you didn’t care, you liked being friends with eddie. 

maybe more than friends, you spent a lot of time with eddie and started developing feelings for him. prom was coming soon and you thought that it might be the best way to tell him how you truly feel about him.

eddie told you that he was going to play dnd with his friends at hellfire club, so after cheer practice you decided to wait for him, knowing that it would probably be ending soon. once the other kids started stepping out, you walked into the room to see eddie cleaning up

“hey” he said as he put his things away

“hey—how was it?” you asked, and he told you how the game went. even though you didn’t really care for dnd, or even knew anything about it, you still liked listening to him.

“anyway—how was practice?” he asked

“yeah yeah good—it was good, unimportant—anyway so um. well—so you know how prom is coming soon?” you nervously said

“yep” he sighed, “want me to ask jason if he’s gonna ask you or something? doubt he’ll even want to talk but i’ll give it a shot even though he hates me” he chuckled and you just furrowed your eyebrows

“oh—“ you said at the realization of what he meant, “no—i don’t want him to ask anyway…cause i wanted to ask someone else”

“really?” he raised an eyebrow, intrigued to know who it could be

“yeah…” you said, contemplating if you should say it or not. you hesitated to ask, you weren’t gonna in the first place. until dustin and mike kept pestering you, telling you they were gonna expose you if you don’t ask.

“well? who is it?” he asked

“eddie it’s you” you quickly said, “i know we’re good friends and—i just…i really like you. and i was wondering if you…want to go with me?” you said, looking him right in the eye

eddie’s expression quickly morphed into a disappointment, “wow” he said and your confidence went away, worried thoughts consuming you, “where are they?”

“where are…what? who?” you said in a low voice, the embarrassment already coming for you

“your friends” he said, “what—are they waiting outside? waiting for you to say you had me fooled or something? i knew it”

“wh…what?”

“i knew it. how could a cheerleader, a golden girl come hang out with a freak, yeah? you really did have me fooled for a while, thinking you weren’t like the others—that you really did want to be my friend. but let me guess, jason bribed you to come do this shit? well you can tell him i didn’t fall for his trick. he couldn’t get me this time.” he sternly said and turned away

“eddie—what? it’s—“

“just go” he said in a low voice

“wh—“

“just go!” he yelled

tears blurred your vision as you walked out, mike and dustin were nearby, since they had planned to come ask you how it went

“so? how’d it…” dustin trailed off as they both saw your tears

“what happened?” mike asked

“i asked him. hope you’re happy now. i shouldn’t have done this” you said as walked away from them, the two looked at each other and went to the room to see eddie still there, his expression sadder now

“so uh…” mike said, turning away from dustin

“we saw y/n come here…what was that all about?” dustin asked

“oh yeah—did you see her friends too? get this, she tries to be friends with me and then proceeds to ask me out to prom. i don’t know if she thinks i’m stupid or something, can’t believe i almost fell for it”

“fell for what?” mike asked, frustration clear in his tone

“that it was a trick—some prank she tried to pull with jason and his other annoying friends” he said and dustin just shook his head

“oh my god” mike sighed

“you idiot!” dustin yelled

“what?” eddie furrowed his eyebrows

“there was no trick! there wasn’t anybody even outside, other than me and mike who were waiting for her to come tell us what happened after she told us she was gonna ask you out to prom!”

“no” eddie shook his head

“and now when we saw her she was full on sobbing because of you, dumbass” mike said and eddie paused

“what the hell are you doing—go to her!” dustin yelled and pushed eddie outside, “swear i have to do everything” he muttered as he watched eddie run to his van

you were laying on your bed, sniffling as you listened to music, you looked at your window to see a rock being thrown at it, you turned off the song and opened the window, looking out to see eddie there

“hey” he said and you just glared at him, rolling your eyes and walking away, “i’m freezing! come on” he whisper yelled

you walked back to the window, “good” you said

“im gonna perish!” he whisper yelled again

“then perish, asshole.” you said and he just kept on pleading for you to come down, you finally gave in and let him in through the window

“hi” he smiled and you just kept glaring, “okay—here it goes—i know i was a piece of shit to you but—i mean come on! you’re a cheerleader and im the town freak…it sounded too good to be true. guess i just didn’t wanna get hurt—im sorry. will you…” he trailed off as he got down on one knee and pulled out a flower from god knows where, “go to prom with me?”

“you’re so corny it’s disgusting” you crossed your arms and he just kept awkwardly smiling at you, “get up” you said with a little giggle, he got up and kept reaching his hand you so you can take the flower, you sighed and took it, he smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist, you gently grabbed his face and shared a kiss

“did you take relationship advice from two 14 year olds?” he asked

“shut up! don’t act like they didn’t tell you to come do this” you two chuckled

a/n: the ending sucked i’m kms 😁😁

[farfaras]

Steddie week. Day 7: Free space. 2.1k words. Ao3 link.

@steddie-week

I’m late but I really wanted to finish the week. So here it is! The last one!

~

“What’s Eddie short for?” Steve asked Robin. They were on their break, now working at a record store after they got fired from Family Video for missing work too much.

“Why are you asking me?” She shot back. Steve simply shrugged. It honestly just occurred to him that he didn’t actually know if that was Eddie’s name or if it was a nickname.

“I was just thinking about it. You don’t know?”

“I have absolutely no idea.” That was disappointing. Robin seemed to be getting along with Eddie. Maybe they’re not that close. Would Dustin know? “You know, I think I asked him once.”

“Really? And what did he say?” She should’ve mentioned this first!

“I think he just started laughing and then deflected. Never answered me.” She stood up. They had to go back to work already. It was slow today, not much customers around so they kept chatting. “Why did you ask?”

“I don’t know.” Steve really was just curious. “We’ve all been friends for a while and I just realized we don’t actually know if ‘Eddie’ is short for anything.”

“He actually seems like the type of person to just be called ‘Eddie’. Like just ‘Eddie’, full stop.” Even if that’d be funny, it’s probably not it. “Anyway, just ask him.”

“Is that not weird?” He wondered.

“I asked him. He just didn’t tell me. Maybe you’d have more luck.” She smirked and it looked like she knew something he didn’t.

Steve narrowed his eyes. “Maybe I will.”

“You’re the one who wants to know.”

“Do you think he didn’t tell you because the name’s embarrassing or something?”

“He’s done so much embarrassing stuff, his name can’t be that bad.”

—

The next time he saw Eddie was when they were playing DnD, at Steve’s house. For some reason Eddie managed to convince Steve that hosting their nerd game was a good idea. He was sure it was his puppy dog eyes. Steve was not immune to those. Robin took advantage of that, constantly.

Steve almost forgot that he was gonna ask Eddie, it was when everyone left and it was just the two of them that Steve remembered the question he had been meaning to ask.

“Hey, Eddie.” He called out to catch his attention.

“Yeah?” They sat down on the couch after cleaning up.

“Is your name short for anything?”

He did exactly what Robin said he did when she asked him. He just started laughing, out of nowhere. Steve didn’t understand what was so funny.

When Eddie stopped laughing, he let out a sigh. “Anyway, what movies do you have?”

“Wha– you’re changing the subject! Why?” Steve was starting to get suspicious now.

“Why do you ask, Steve?” Eddie looked at him.

“I was just curious.” It’s true, Steve was curious. But now it felt like his name was actually something embarrassing, because why else would he avoid answering it in the first place.

“Sureee.” Eddie did not believe him. “To answer your question. Yes, my name is short for something.” Steve figured.

“What is it?” It couldn’t be bad. Steve only knew a handful of names that could be nicknamed Eddie, and those weren’t that bad.

“Ha! I’m not telling you that.” Eddie joyfully replied.

“What– why not?”

“I have to keep the mystery going.” He explained, tone completely serious.

“You’re not mysterious.” Steve deadpanned.

“Shut up, I so am.” Eddie bit back.

“It takes like, one conversation with you to know that you’re not mysterious.” Steve said. It was true, Eddie might have the intimidating look going on, but it was easy to overlook it as soon as he opened his mouth.

Eddie glares at him. “Are you done?”

“You still haven’t answered!”

“‘Cuz I’m not gonna.” Eddie grinned, he was just enjoying having something that Steve wanted to know. “Maybe you can guess.”

“Ugh” Steve fell further into the couch. “I don’t feel like it.”

“Just because I’m a generous and giving person,” Steve perked, he didn’t know why he wanted to know so badly. Maybe so he could use it whenever he wanted to scold him like one of the kids. “I’ll make you a deal.” Disappointed, Steve sighed.

“What’s the deal?” He asked.

“If you guess it,” Eddie put his hand on his chin. “I’ll give you something, anything you want.”

“What? Like a prize for guessing your name?” Steve scoffed. “What am I? A dog?”

“So you don’t want anything?”

“That’s not what I said.” Steve had a feeling that making a deal with Eddie was like making a wish to a genie. Eh, he would still get something out of it. “Whatever, sure. It’s a deal.” He just had to start guessing, until he got it. Shouldn’t be that hard.

“If you say so.”

“Is it Edward?” He gave his first guess.

“Well, that’d be too obvious.” Steve still waited for an actual response. Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not. Close, though.”

“Edison?”

“I’m so grateful it isn’t Edison.”

“Edmund?

“Oh god, they keep getting worse.”

“Yes or no?”

“No! Why would you think my name is Edmund? Do I look like an Edmund to you?” Eddie asked, scandalized.

Steve stayed quiet. “You want me to answer that?”

“Actually, let’s just watch a movie. That’s enough guesses for today.” Eddie went to shuffle through their options.

“I just started!” Steve protested. He should’ve known Eddie wasn’t gonna make it easy for him.

“I don’t feel like answering more. Try again later.”

Steve crossed his arms and pouted. When Eddie looked back at him, Steve stuck his tongue out, like a toddler. Eddie chuckled.

–

“Edwin?”

Eddie gave him a thumbs down.

–

“Edgar?”

Eddie spelled “no” with his fries. He proudly showed them to Steve.

Steve ate them.

–

“Edrian!”

“Where’d you even come up with that one?”

“I heard it somewhere.”

“Well, that’s not it.”

–

“Is it, like, just Ed or something?”

“Life would be easier.” Eddie dreamily looked to the sky. “So, no, it’s not.”

–

“I’m like, out of ideas, Robin.” Steve didn’t know whether to give up or look in the library.

“Maybe you need to look for obscure names, like really weird ones.” Robin made some hand gestures that he didn’t really know what they entailed.

—

“Can I get a hint?” Steve gave it his best shot at puppy dog eyes, he had big eyes, right?

Eddie wasn’t looking straight at him, he took one glance for like half a second and then decided to look forward. “I already did.”

“No.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “When?”

“With your first guess. I don’t think you need anything else.”

Steve let out a frustrated groan.

—

At the end, he didn’t guess shit.

Steve was dropping by some cookies he made, they were Eddie’s favorite. Steve wanted to improve some skills in the baking department, it was a win win. He got practice, Eddie got cookies. It didn’t mean anything else.

The government gave the Munsons a house after everything, it was on the outskirts of town. When he pulled up, he noticed that a letter had fallen down from the mailbox. When he picked it up he saw who it was addressed to.

Eduardo Munson.

There was no way.

Steve ran so fast his head almost clashed with the door. He knocked frantically. Eddie opened the door, Steve didn’t even wait to be invited in. He ran to the kitchen to set the cookies on the counter and raced back to where Eddie was.

“Your name is Eduardo?”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “How’d you find that out?”

Steve just handed him the letter he found on the floor. Eddie’s mouth formed an ‘O’, but he didn’t say anything.

“Well?” Steve crossed his arms.

“I guess now you know.” Eddie opened the letter to read it, he made his way to the couch and sat down. Steve followed.

“Is that why you said I was close with the name Edward?” Steve didn’t know anyone named Eduardo. Well, he thought he didn’t.

“Eduardo is basically the same name, but in Spanish.” Eddie, no, Eduardo nodded.

“Why– who decided that was gonna be your name?” Did his parents just like Spanish, or something? Steve thought. He obviously didn’t say it.

“My mom. She was Mexican. This letter is from my grandma.”

“Oh. Is it…” Steve didn’t actually know where he was going with that.

“Most of my mom’s side lives in cali, or Mexico.”

Eddie had the letter opened on his lap, Steve peeked. He didn’t want to pry, it was just a quick glance. Even if he wanted to read anything though, he couldn’t.

“That is, fully in Spanish.” His face was a mix of confusion and shock.

“Uh huh.” Eddie was holding back laughter. “What about it?”

“You speak Spanish?!” At this point, he didn’t even care if he was being loud.

“My grandma calls me regularly, like, once a month. She doesn’t speak an ounce of English.” Eddie’s face was fond. That shouldn’t be as cute as it was.

Steve’s jaw was on the floor. Never once did he expect to learn all of this just because he wanted to know if the name “Eddie” was actually short for another name. Eddie reached out and closed his mouth. Steve took some time to get himself back together. He collected the cookies and brought them back for Eddie.

“So, I didn’t guess.”

“No.”

Steve sighed, forlorn. “So, deal’s off, I guess.”

“Mmhm.” Eddie was concentrating on the letter in front of him. Steve slapped his arm. “What was that for?”

“You can read that later. I brought you cookies.”

Eddie snatched them, he started almost inhaling them. Jesus Christ. “These are great.”

“Thanks.” Steve blushed.

After that they were content to just hang out, doing whatever. Eddie told him more about his mom’s side of the family. There were a lot of family members that Steve couldn’t keep track of. He talked more with his grandma, aunts and uncle. Steve found out that his mom taught him Spanish when he was little. When she died, and his dad ended up in prison, his closer relative was Wayne so he moved in with him. His mom’s family always kept in touch, though. The last time his grandma visited was before Christmas in 1985.

“Say something in Spanish.” Steve was surprised with himself for asking that. Where did that come from?

“What am I? Your personal clown?”

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes. “It just hasn’t registered in my brain fully, that you speak Spanish. Maybe I have to hear it.” Steve tried. It was a cheap attempt at just wanting to hear it.

“What do you want me to say?” Eddie replied. Was he actually gonna do it?

“I don’t know.” Steve shrugged. An idea came to him, he straightened up. “What about the way your grandma greets you on the phone, or the way you answer?”

Eddie scrunched up his nose. Cute. “Ugh… she’s so mushy.”

“Now I have to hear it.” Steve clasped his hands together, battling his eyelashes.

Eddie just accepted defeat. “Fine!” He was now avoiding Steve’s eyes. “Whenever she calls she always starts with something like ‘¿Cómo está mi niño hermoso?’ Or she’d call me ‘mi vida’, or ‘mi cielo’. Honestly she calls me a lot of things.” Steve had no idea what that was, nor what it meant. But his eyes never left Eddie’s lips, not once. Hearing that was doing things to Steve. He suddenly felt hot.

“What does it mean?”

Eddie flushed red. He turned to Steve, eyes deadly serious. “You don’t wanna know.”

“Oh, but I really do.” Eddie shook his head no. “You have to tell me or else I’m just gonna start calling you that.” Eddie’s face was so funny, he looked scandalized at the possibility. “What was it again? Cie- cielo?”

Eddie swung his hands and arms around. “Stop! Don’t you dare continue.” Steve mimed zipping his mouth. “If you must know. She just asks how I am and she calls me her boy and other pet names.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, assessing him. “Is that the truth?” Eddie nodded. “I’ll accept that, for now.”

They spent the rest of the day watching tv. By the time Steve was leaving the sun was already setting. Eddie walked him to the door.

“What would you have asked for?” Eddie blurted. “If you had guessed my name.”

Steve glanced down at Eddie’s lips for the second time that day. He looked up at Eddie, even if they were almost the same height. Steve shrugged one shoulder. “I’m sure I would’ve come up with something.”

Steve leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Eddie’s cheek.

“See you, Eduardo.”

He stepped outside and walked to his car. He heard a loud thumping noise coming from inside the house and chuckled to himself.

–

Bonus:

Steve: he speaks Spanish, Robin!

Robin: I heard you the first time, dingus.

Steve: I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation.

Robin: *blank stare*

Steve: I can’t believe I have to date him.

Robin: you don’t have to.

Steve: no, no. I’m gonna.

[iamthunderhearmehowl]

BG3 AU: Circle of Decay Headcannons

AN: Okay yeah so it officially has a name now (instead of "Halsin's Daughter" I got so tired of it) and guess who requested a signed up for AO3.

I will 100% be working on this and I can't even wait for AO3 to get back to me 😭 meanwhile I'll be taking some creative writing classes to help ❤️ and will also be doing research (I'm new to DND and BG3 but I want to do this justice)

Anyways here are some more headcannons at 2:22am bc I can't sleep

So I know Halsin eventually creates a community within Moonrise Towers, he literally builds a schoolhouse as well - ny thought is there is no way he's able to take care of 9 wagons of orphans by himself. He has to have some help

So there's this older half elf named Gretta, who helps Halsin around the orphanage (is it an orphanage? He's basically adopted all of them. Idk. His house?? The children's home?)

Obviously, there are more people in the community who come and help / this community thrives on sharing skills and goods rather than money

I think Gretta and her little one would live in the towers - that way her family has a roof over their heads and Halsin has constant help

Gretta can mainly be found in the kitchen cooking meals. She just has a mother's touch ❤️

Everything she makes is amazing, baked goods are her speciality

Faeryl loves food. She never got enough of it in the underdark.

Gretta spends most of her time smacking Faeryls hands away from the pastries

The two actually get really close; she eventually teaches Faeryl how to bake

If Faeryl is gonna stay with her dad and learn his druidic ways - he's gonna make her work and do her part 🤷‍♀️

Although Halsin is an amazing father - he has trouble with Faeryl.

She's not a child but she's definitely not an adult either

Gretta does give him some parenting advice: "Those 3 girls will be a challenge, Halsin. I know how frustrating it can be - when my daughter that age, not a day went by where we weren't bickering. They think that because they've hit a certain number in age and suddenly they're an adult and know how to navigate the world. The problem with Faeryl is that - there was never a time in her life where she was able to be a child. She had to grow up as soon as she could to survive. The same goes for Arabella and Mol. I think since they've been here this is the first time they've ever allowed themselves to live care free, to play, to explore the world without it trying to murder them every step of the way. Give them time. Give them space. They'll love you all the same as much as you love them"

Gretta is the first one to notice that Faeryl keeps visiting Dammon while he's on his monthly visits in town

One day Faeryl is ill. She can't stop vomiting. The smell of certain foods trigger her.

Halsin notices that something about her smells different/ is different. He has suspicion. But he plays it safe and asks Gretta to check on her

Gretta brings her warm broth to her chambers and notices that Faeryl seems. . . Swollen. Her face, her hips, her breasts

"Faeryl, when was your last blood?" In her gentlest voice as she's brushing her hair out of her face. Gretta already knows what's happening

Faeryl starts SOBBING. She can't have this child right now. She still has her mission to do and her child would never be safe so long as her brother continues to search for her

She knows that he would rip the babe out of her, against her will. The child would be a Fey'ri - with noble drow blood /infernal blood. She's sure that her brother would dispose of her and take the child

Although in normal circumstances Halsin would be elated to have a grandchild - he finds himself in a whirlpool of emotions.

When it's time for the babe to be born I 100% think Gretta would be helping her deliver and Halsin would be there holding her hand.

Literally - the thought of him holding his new born grandchild 🥺 he doesn't care what it is

That's all I have for right now 🖤 if you want more context and info about the "Circle of Decay" AU please click the link below!

All content page -> ( link )

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do. 

[365days365movies]

March 9, 2021: Orpheus (1950) (Part One)

Greek mythology was my first mythological love.

And yes, that is ironically a very cliché thing to say about Greek mythology, since it’s by FAR the most popular and well-known mythology in the Western world, but...what can I say, I’m a sucker for the classics.

When I was 6, my mom got me a copy of the Odyssey, followed by D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths, and that book was my SHIIIIIIIIIIT. From the Titanomachy to the Trojan War, from Decaulion to Daedalus, from the Lernaean Hydra to Ladon, and from Zeus to Dionysus (my second favorite Olympian), I LOVE Greek mythology.

There have been countless adaptations of these stories over the last century of so, some better and more faithful than others. We got Blood of Zeus (which I...genuinely dislike) on Netflix last year, Lore Olympus is a fantastic webcomic and modernized retelling of the universe of stories in general (fuck Apollo, that’s all I have to say), Hercules by Disney is fun (though extraordinarily inaccurate), and who doesn’t like some Percy Jackson (the books, not the movies)?

Today’s entry won’t be the first of the Greek mythology stories this month; after all, it’s DEFINITELY fantasy, so there were going to be a few entries in here. Some will come pretty close to each other later this month, but for this one, we’re jumping forward 10 years from The Thief of Bagdad to 1950. Let’s get back to France, shall we?

Famous for his adaptation of Beauty and the Beast is Jean Cocteau, legendary French surrealist filmmaker. His stylings definitely capture a sort of practical magic, compounded with clever angles and fascinating visual and practical effects. It’s evident with the classic fairy tale, which I would’ve done this month had I not already seen it. So, instead, we’ll be looking at the middle film in a trilogy known as Cocteau’s Orphic trilogy. This is, apparently, the most important one. And that makes sense, since it’s focused upon...

Is Hadestown good? I’m real tempted to find a way to watch it, and it sounds like it’s just up my alley. I’ll probably check it out one of these days.

Orpheus was (maybe) the son of Calliope, the muse of poetry, and Apollo, god of music. Maybe. Parentage differs based on the retelling. No matter the parents, he was renowned for his charm and grace, as well as his voice and music. He was loved by animals, nymphs, and maidens alike. He was invited to be the Bard of Jason’s DnD group (AKA the Argonauts), and used Bardic Performance to inspire his comrades (and also helped them overcome the sirens by singing EVEN LOUDER).

But the one whom he loved most was his wife, Eurydice. Unfortunately, a satyr (AKA horny horned half-goat man) chased her right into a viper’s nest, where she was bitten and died. Orpheus was CRUSHED, and his song was so depressing that even the gods cried. They said, “Dude, go to the Underworld, get back your lady from Hades, please!” And he did.

Hades, the old romantic that he secretly is, agrees to let Eurydice’s soul, on one condition. That he doesn’t look back at her as she follows him out. Orpheus agrees, but the man can’t stop himself from looking back to make sure that she’s there. And she was...and then she wasn’t. So, our sad boi fucked up, and then...well, it’s spotty. 

See, some people say that he stopped worshipping Dionysus (his previous patron), and the wine boi’s female followers tore Orpheus to pieces as punishment. Some say that these same women got a liiiiiiiiiittle too into the Bacchanalia (think orgies, but religious and violent), and ripped him apart in a frenzy. And some say that he only took male lover from then on, and women tore him to pieces for not paying attention to them (also, possible homophobia). You know, it varies. Still, we can agree on the ripped apart by women thing. His head could still sing, and as the women threw his body parts into a river, it sang a song so beautiful that the rocks and branches in the river refused to strike it. His instrument of choice, a lyre, was eventually interred amongst the stars as the constellation Lyra.

The story of a pained artist searching for a lost love and losing her is all over the goddamn place, with the crazy-ass Moulin Rouge being a solid example of it.

But OK, let’s finally begin Orpheus, or Orphée to be more accurate. Gonna be a weird ride, I guarantee it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The story starts with a recap of the original myth, and notes that it doesn’t need to be limited  by time and place. This sort of story, after all, could happen anywhere and at any time. And in this case, that time and place are 1950s-era France, where we quickly meet famous poet Orpheus (Jean Marais).

At a café, he meets a friend, the Editor (Henri Crémieux), where they speak on Orpheus’ fame, which is not well-liked in a cafe frequented by poets. Also arriving there is a young drunken poet, Jacques Cégeste (Édouard Dermit), who is accompanied by his patron, known only as...the Princess (María Casares). Come on, guys, can we give our female characters names, please?

Anyway, Jacques quickly gets into a drunken brawl with other patrons, which leads to the arrival of the police at the café. They forcefully arrest him, but before they can, he’s hit by a couple of motorcycles, and potentially killed. The police bring Jacques back to the Princess’ car, with the help of her driver Heurtebise (François Périer). For unknown reasons, she summons Orpheus to help them. He agrees, and goes with them to the hospital.

Or he would be, if they were going there. Instead, as they drive off, Orpheus discovers that Jacques is dead already. They aren’t going to the hospital. Instead, they head to a mysterious mansion, as ominous and oblique poetry plays on the radio. They’re soon accompanied by the men on the motorcycles that killed Jacques, who work for the Princess. The plot fuckin’ THICKENS.

Back at her mansion, they bring the body of Jacques upstairs, much to the confusion of Orpheus, whom the Princess keeps calling stupid whenever he asks questions. However, he’s not proving her wrong, as she immediately convinces him that she’s actually dreaming at the moment. Although...maybe he is?

She sits in front of a mirror, which breaks...somehow. Frustrated, she commands Orpheus to wait there for her to return, as she goes to check on Jacques and her men. Like me, Orpheus is confused. This gets worse for me, though, as the Princess goes to the other room and tells the dead Jacques to get up. AND HE DOES. Well, Jacques’ a zombie, I guess. He identifies the Princess as “his Death”, which she agrees to. She tells him to hold on to her coat, and then...

...I got questions. I GOT QUESTIONS HERE.

They go through the mirror, and the Princess’ henchmen follow, just as Orpheus walks in. He also has questions, and he tries to go through the mirror, to no avail. Completely confused at this point, he passes out against the mirror, alone in the mansion. And then...he’s outside.

Yeah, he’s just outside now, and waiting there is Heurtebise, the chauffeur! Orpheus is freakin’ out, and Heurtebise has no answers for him, but has been told to take him back to town once he...arrived. OK. Still questions.

In town, the disappearance of Orpheus is being discussed by a police inspector, his wife Eurydice (Marie Déa), and her friend Aglaonice (Juliette Gréco). Aglaonice doesn’t seem to like Orpheus very much, as she’s trying to convince Eurydice that he’s cheating on her. And that’s hard to argue, since he was last seen with the Princess. However, just as there’s about to be a scandal reported by a spontaneously appearing journalist, Heurtebise and Orpheus arrive home.

After a rough encounter with the journalist, he arrives home to a relieved Eurydice, and an enraged Aglaonice, whom Orpheus also dislikes heavily. He’s apparently forbidden her from entering his house, and tells her off. The Inspector leaves too, and asks Orpheus to come to his office to discuss the matter of the missing Jacques.

Eurydice reminds Orpheus that Aglaonice is dangerous, as she runs...the League of Women. Well...I think we know what role Aglaonice is going to play by the end of this. Her and her League of Bacchanalian Women, get me? Yikes. Anyway, the conversation turns into an argument, when the EXTREMELY ornery Orpheus basically just storms off, being a DICK to his poor wife. And when he goes upstairs to his room, he actually sneaks out of the window.

Meanwhile, Heurtebise comes into the house to offer an alibi to the pained Eurydice. While she doesn’t quite believe it, the two share some time together and seem to bond. However, when he smells gas from the stove, Heurtebise lets it slip that he committed suicide by using a gas stove. He covers it up before Eurydice notices the slip-up, but...OK. So, “the Princess” is death. Going by the traditional Greek myth, she’s some form of psychopomp, and the world beyond the mirror is the Underworld, I can only assume. OK...I can dig it.

Orpheus, meanwhile, is at the car, listening to the strange radio poetry and writing it down. The, uh, “Princess” is busy as well. Like a ghost, she walks into the household and watches Orpheus as he sleeps. A narration refers to her as Orpheus’ death. Funny, I’m pretty sure that’s going to be Aglaonice’s role.

Two days later, Orpheus is increasingly obsessed with the poetry from the mysterious radio and its odd messages. While Eurydice seems to mock this obsession, Orpheus also seems to be far too enraptured in it. But, interestingly, the messages seem to be coming from nowhere known. However, it’s all beginning to affect their marriage greatly.

On the phone, the Inspector comes calling, and Eurydice asks Heurtebise to answer the phone. He does so, and soon after, we see the phone float into place, as if placed there by a ghost. That’s confirmed as Heurtebise phases to the outside from nothing, where he meets Orpheus and informs him of the message. The two decide to head to the Inspector in his car, rather than the mysterious talking car.

While Orpheus goes through town, looking for the Princess rather than the Inspector, there’s something that I wanted to mention here. Call it an interpretation. Apparently, Heurtebise is often considered an angel by critics and interpreters. However, I’m gonna suggest that he’s actually supposed to be a representation of Hermes, the messenger god and a psychopomp who escorted souls to the Underworld. Not sure about the Princess yet, but Cocteau apparently never meant for her to be portrayed as actual death. Interesting.

Meanwhile, at the Inspector’s office, both Aglaonice and Orpheus’ poet friends (supposedly) are accusing Orpheus of being involved in Jacques’ disappearance. The Inspector turns them away, just as Heurtebise and Orpheus reconvene in town. While Orpheus didn’t find the Princess, Heurtebise says that she came by, saying that he could stay with the married couple for now.

Speaking of the Princess, we see her at night, staring over Orpheus. And her eyes are...strange. They seem artificial, and it bothers the EVER-LOVING SHIT out of me. And the whole affair isn’t helping Eurydice either, as she’s tired of Orpheus’ obsession with the car, and is planning on going to Aglaonice for advice. Heurtebise tries to stop her from doing so, but she insists. But when she goes...the motorcyclists come for her. And she’s dead. As proven when the Princess arrives through the mirror.

Alongside her comes Jacques, acting as the Princess’ servant. She notes to him that their work isn’t easy, and couldn’t be done if she were dressed in the way the humans portray her. So, she is seemingly Death, or at least an aspect of Death. Obviously, as we’re talking about the Greek story, we can assume that she’s meant to be Hades in particular. But, we’ll see. It’s also confirmed, by the way, that the mysterious messages are indeed Jacques’ poetry, recited by him on the radio waves from beyond the grave. Neat.

Heurtebise is clearly upset with what’s just happened to Eurydice. He asks if the Princess actually had orders to kill Eurydice. She avoids the question, and guesses correctly that Heurtebise has fallen in love with Eurydice. He confirms this, and counters with the fact that the Princess has seemingly fallen in love with ORPHEUS. The plot fucking THICKENS.

Good place to pause, I think. Halfway mark and all. See you in Part Two!

[cynical-amphisbaenia]

Hello, it’s the bard of void/maid of light anon

If you wouldn’t mind, I would like a classpect analysis since I’m currently mid classes crisis yet again

I’m kinda worried I’m gonna write about only the bits that would give off bard of void vibes but im just gonna start I guess

So, I’m quite a creative individual. I write, I draw, I play dnd, and largely try to contribute a bunch to the nonsensical plot of the Minecraft server my friends and I are on. I typically Run dnd games more than I play them. My friends say that my npcs are definitely my biggest strength when I’m the DM.

On top of creative things, I have a habit of learning a lot about random things and spouting off all that I know about them as soon as I get the chance. Recently I spent 4 hours learning about bugs and plants to create an alien species for a super hero ttrpg I was playing in.

As a person, im very anti secrets. I’m basically an open book that comes with an audio book version right next to it. I generally never keep any secret when it’s in regards to myself and I will likely tell my boyfriend or my best friend other secrets if they come up in conversation. I do try my best to keep others secrets besides from that though, it’s come to a point where I just have to stop myself from speaking it I don’t want to let something slip.

On the flip side I do love surprises, because I know I get to tell eventually and the reveal is always great because I love seeing people’s reactions.

Just realized I should elaborate on my thing with secretes. I’ve found that for me keeping secrets like “here’s something someone did that really bugged me but they genuinely don’t know” has never worked out well because this one sided animosity kinda builds up for completely solvable reasons. Then with non serious or harmless secrets, I’m just too prone to talking that they just slip.

Last thing that I think nebulously falls into bard of void category. I don’t like lying and I’m generally pretty bad at it because I subconsciously do it in a comical tone (ie “yes,, that IS what I was doing” with too much emphasis on every word somehow). But I’ve found that if I have time to think out a lie, I can execute it really well, but that only really works when I’m lying for mine or another’s safety. I don’t really lie otherwise

I’m generally uncomfortable with the idea of not being important or useful? In games I’m typically constantly doing mental gymnastics to figure out if I’m actually making a difference or not. It’s especially difficult seeing as my friends aren’t the type of people to commend anyone for being helpful. And the fact that one of my friends is somehow disgustingly good at every game we play, somehow.

When we play a game I’m good at or understand well, I have a tendency of being very vocal and drawing attention to the fact that I’m absolutely killing it, in other circumstances I’d be worried that comes off as annoying, but I accidentally built up this joking image among my friend groups where I’m some nebulous entity of unknown power so, I’m pretty sure all my bragging comes off as a joke.

I’ve noticed my personality is really easy for me to like genuinely change to the root of who I am. I don’t think it should be that easy but it is. I make a joke about myself and suddenly it’s a part of me. Within the past month my entire persona just obtained an intrinsic connection to clowns SOMEHOW and now it’s just like a part of me. On top of that vriskas on the kin list cause past me thought it would be funny. And I unironicaly use the word “babe” despite disliking the word, just because I think it’s funny. It’s not ironic because I think the fact that it’s genuine makes it worse. Is that some strider level irony or am I just being annoying? No one knows. I kinda made being a light player a part of my identity, I managed to start liking the color orange, which is weird since I’ve hated orange since I was a little kid. Uh anyway, I think I wrote a lot so I’m gonna end here. Thanks

From this information I see two main options - yes Bard of Void is one of them but the other option is actually Witch of Light instead of a Maid.

A lot of what you describe does relate to Bard of Void like you pointed out - you destroy the unknown by creating light and sharing secrets. Framing things as being related to Bard of Void is also a sign you are, because although I can relate some of these things to a Witch of Light, your own understanding of your classpect is most important. Not having a stable sense of self and relying on jokes is also a very Bard of Void thing to do. Light does seem to surround you a lot, but in situations that could also easily be you as a Bard avoiding your aspect. Being uncomfortable with the idea of not being important could be you being uncomfortable with your own aspect. 

But you could also be a Witch of Light. A lot of what you discuss does suit Light, like wanting to be important and learning a lot. You also do specifically use the word change - changing the reality of who you are based on bits of information, even if they are jokes. Also, by doing things like sharing secrets, you change the unknown into the known. A lot of what you do is also finding loopholes, which is common for a Witch. You find a way to love surprises by relating it to Light later and you find specific circumstances in which you can lie. 

I hope I haven’t confused you too much by adding a different option to consider! So determining between the two - you can look at the typical ‘character arcs’ for Bards and Witches, or consider their differences in personality. But it might also really come down to how you frame things - currently you do seem to be automatically framing things as a Bard of Void, but that might also be you overthinking it. When you generally think about things relating to your aspect, does it suit Light or Void first? Is the dynamic of destroy/create really important to you, or do you think change might be the more accurate option?

I hope this helps, but feel free to ask any other questions during your classpect crisis. ^^

[rileythefool]

get to know you thingy

thanks for the tag @green-dragon-ramblings

Last song: im listening to kikis delivery service as i write but my go to song is the song of storms. Currently reading: gonna start "vibe" soon. dunno what i’m getting into. besides that ive been reading my own novel to proof it for publishing Currently watching: i guess loki? super passively. Maybe Good Omens but ive only seen one episode. OH! star trek the next generation. probs actually gonna get through that. Last movie: Raya and the last dragon probably? ive watched bo burnhams "inside" twice since then though and listened to it through countless times though. Current D&D/TTRPG character(s), or game(s) if you're a DM: not really doing DND anymore. I dont feel comfortable role playing on the level that most people seem to, even with a trusted group of friends it just makes me feel weird. im also really impatient about combat and take dying too seriously. i dont want to quest, i dont want to act out for escapism, its just not my vibe.

Anyways. My last character was a tabaxi ranger named Excellent Soup. her main personality traits were being me and cooking. the funny thing was tabaxi are supposed to have those story types of names that they earn but i had already settled on "Ellen" because it came up in a fantasy name generator. i invented the name "Excellent Soup" as an extension of Ellen just to try and cram the accidental lore into cannon.

Go-To fiction trope: hurt/comfort. sorta like angst but i want the feeling of healing after trauma and a portrayal of recovery. (other trope examples are enemies->lovers, bedsharing, and silly stuff like beach episodes or roadtrips)

idk who id tag tho so ill just snoop on the other answers as they come in.

but

i will pass on the challenge to @green-dragon-ramblings and fire back an additional question. also here is Ellen. on the left. a dear friend played a tabaxi druid so i drew that too.

[infinite-inferno]

Who Cares?

Fandom: Jacksepticeye

Characters: Chase Brody, Doctor Henrik von Schneeplestein, Marvin the Magnificent, Jackieboy Man, Jameson Jackson, Antisepticeye

Content warning: a lot of mentions of depression, addiction, alcoholism, suicide mentions, suicidal thoughts

If I wasn’t on mobile I’d use the zalgo text for anti so instead it’s bolded

[[MORE]]

As soon as Chase closed the door to his bedroom he flopped onto the bed, his smiling and laughing expression he wore seconds ago with his family immediately replaced by a somber one. He took long, deep breaths, having a staring contest with the ceiling (it of course won). After... well he couldn’t tell how long he laid like that - time seemed to slow and drag on forever but also go way too fast - he spoke so softly to himself that he barely heard himself speak. “Am I really depressed? Or is it just that I’m reminding myself that I’m supposed to be sad? I was just out there with everyone for hours and wasn’t sad at all. Am I just faking it?” A lone tear escaped from his eye and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.

He heard his phone vibrate, but didn’t bother to check it. The only person that would be calling him is his therapist’s office, attempting to confirm a meeting he already planned on skipping. He went to one to humor Jackie, and of course he had to schedule another visit, but the whole time he knew that he wasn’t going back. He would just be wasting his therapists time, and taking up space for people who really needed therapy.

His room wasn’t far from the room where all the other egos were still gathered - he told the others that he was going to his room to plan the next bro average video (which he really should be doing anyway) - and he could faintly hear some conversations. From what he could piece together, they started playing Cards Against Humanity and somehow Jameson was winning, even though he didn’t understand most of the cards. He could tell that they were having a lot of fun - a lot of fun without him.

“Would anyone even care if I-“ he spoke, again, barely audible (he wondered if he even vocalized the words, or if they halted in his head). He had to stop himself short, not daring to finish the thought. “Chase you idiot, you already tried to do it and you know what outcomes you would get. Doc would blame himself if he couldn’t save you, Marvin would lock himself away in his room and refuse to come out, Jackie would take out all his emotions on fighting villains that were unbeatable, at least in his headspace, and Jamie would...” he trailed off, biting his lip. “That’s right... he wasn’t even here when I did it...” Chase blinked and violently shook his head. “PMA Chase... PMA... PMA... PM- ya know they can shove that up their arse. I need a fucking drink is what I need not some positivity bullshit,” he grumbled, going back to further examine his closet. There had to be something...

Huffing, he picked up a pair of shoes, put his hat back on his head, and wiped any evidence of tears off his face before walking out of his room. He took a deep breath right before he got to the room where all the egos were gathered - he was right about his guesses as to their activity - and strode to the door. Jackie looked up from the game as Chase walked past to get his coat. “Hey Chase, what’s up? Where’re ya going?” He sensed something off about him (but it could’ve just been paranoia) and needed to make sure nothing happened to any of his brothers.

Chase blinked. He didn’t expect any of them to notice and now all of them were staring at him and- ‘deep breaths’ he thought to himself. “I’m just... going for a walk. I’m stuck on trying to find a new idea and... need to clear my head.”

If Jackie still had his doubts, he kept them to himself. “You have your phone on you right?”

Chase held up his phone as evidence, giving a “yup” in response. With that, he walked out the front door. “Of fucking course it’s raining,” he muttered, heading towards one of the bars in town. He knew better than to try any of the ones close to the house, as they knew him and wouldn’t contribute to his addiction. Finally, he ended up at one that he didn’t even know existed, and figured it was worth a shot. He walked up to the bar and sat on the stool, surveying his options, pupils dilating by simply looking at the bottles. He told the bartender to “keep em coming until I’m so plastered I’m falling off the chair.”

The bartender eyed him, as it was 4:30 pm on a Tuesday, but didn’t question it, besides offering a “rough day?”

Chase nodded to that, “I guess you could call it that.”

The bartender handed him his drink. “If you want to just drink your cares away, go ahead. But if you want an ear then I’ll be here.”

Chase took a long swig, then registered what the bartender was saying, growling slightly. “I don’t need fucking therapy.” He finished his drink and felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

Baby Bean: “Hello Chase, it’s Jameson. Please do let us know when you will be returning. Marvin wants to know when he should begin making dinner, as he does not want your food to get cold, although given his history, you might be better off eating while you are out! 😆 I also should tell you that, while I do not know for certain, I think that some of the others are fearing that you are out getting bent, but if you say you’re just going for a walk, then I believe you! ☺️💚 Have a swell rest of your stroll!”

Chase sighed, grabbing the phone with his other hand. ‘What do I even say to this?’

“uh idk when i’ll be back. tell marv not to worry about me and not to burn the place down. also ty jj it means a lot that u trust me like that. i just wish the others would too” he deleted the last sentence, not wanting his brothers to feel guilty over not trusting him, especially when they had every right to be doubtful - considering he was actually at a bar. It also hurt to see that Jameson trusted him, because that meant he was betraying his trust, and he drank another glass at the thought.

About 20 minutes later, he felt his phone vibrate again. Judging by how it was many texts all at once, he assumed it was Marvin before he even pulled out his phone.

Magic Man: “Hey”

Magic Man: “I’m making dinner rn”

Magic Man: “It’s mac and cheese and whatever frozen chicken we have”

Magic Man: “Jamie said u were taking a longer walk but like it’s raining out and I don’t want u to get sick”

Magic Man: “Plz respond Chase”

Magic Man: “U there?”

“yo chill marv”

“i stepped inside a store to get out of the rain”

Magic Man: “Do u want one of us to pick u up??”

Magic Man: “If u lmk wya I can teleport to u”

Magic Man: “Or I’m sure Hen or Jackie would drive to get u if u just wanted to drive back”

Magic Man: “Ik how u feel abt teleporting”

Chase bit his lip before downing another glass. He forgot exactly what he was drinking, but it was alcohol and that’s all he cared about. He didn’t want to tell them that he was at a bar, not even thinking about how anyone could see or smell that he was drunk from a block away. He got another drink and almost forgot to respond before another message came through.

Magic Man: “Chase?”

Magic Man: “Plz just tell me where u r so we can pick u up”

“what so u can make fun of me??? nope i’ll b home later. i’m gonna stay here a bit longer then WALK home”

Chase put his phone away, not wanting to see Marvin’s response and just wanting to see more alcohol in his hands.

It was probably about an hour later when the bartender finally cut him off. He said that he was told to stop him when he looked like he was going to fall out of the chair and so the bartender wasn’t going to let him have any more. Plus his boss would be pissed if he let Chase leave any more intoxicated than he already was.

Chase stormed out of the bar and back into the rain before realizing he had no idea where we was. He looked around and tried to find something familiar but came up with absolutely nothing. He started walking in one direction, but it felt wrong, so he started in the opposite direction, which also felt wrong. So, he did what anyone else in his situation would do - he cried in the rain on the sidewalk of a basically empty street. After he felt he cried all he could, he looked at his notifications.

Baby Bean: 2 unread messages

Ze Best Doctah: 1 unread message

Magic Man: 13 unread messages, 2 missed calls

Spider-Man 2.0: 7 unread messages, 5 missed calls

Turtle: 1 unread message

“Shit.” Chase mumbled, scanning through the messages.

Baby Bean: “Hello Chase, Jameson again! 😊 You haven’t responded to anyone and we are all very worried about you. I’m hoping that your cellular device simply ran out of charge, but Jackie is informing me that when he tries to call you it would not ring as long as it is if your device has run out of battery.”

Baby Bean: “Chase, it’s Jameson. Where are you? I am getting increasingly worried for your safety, as is everyone else. Please respond to one of us.”

Ze Best Doctah: “Chase are you alright? You are scaring all of us. Do you need help? Or a ride? Marvin said you would not tell him where you were. I am praying you are not at a bar but right now I don’t know what to think. I trusted you would be smart and safe but now I’m not sure if you were either. Please call one of us when you see this.”

Magic Man: “Chase y do u think I would make fun of u?”

Magic Man: “R u ok?”

Magic Man: “R u mad at me?”

Magic Man: “Chase plz answer someone”

Magic Man: “If I said smth I’m sry”

Magic Man: “Just plz come home”

Magic Man: “Chase?”

Magic Man: “Ur dinner is getting cold WHERE ARE YOU”

Magic Man: “If u put on dnd I’ll b pissed”

Missed call from Magic Man

Magic Man: “Chase I stg if ur at a bar rn imma fucking deck u”

Magic Man: “No actually I’ll let Jackie do that”

Missed call from Magic Man

Magic Man: “Pick up ur damn phone Brody!!”

Magic Man: “Where tf r u????!!!!”

Spider-Man 2.0: “where did you go chase???????”

Spider-Man 2.0: “I thought you were just going on a walk”

Spider-Man 2.0: “THIS IS A VERY LONG WALK ITS BEEN HOURS”

Missed call from Spider-Man 2.0

Spider-Man 2.0: “if I have to save your ass from something or someone”

2 missed calls from Spider-Man 2.0

Spider-Man 2.0: “this isn’t funny chase”

Spider-Man 2.0: “I’m really fucking worried about you

2 missed calls from Spider-Man 2.0

Spider-Man 2.0: “CHASE I SWEAR IF YOU DONT PICK UP YOUR PHONE IM COMING TO LOOK FOR YOU”

Turtle: “Brody get your ass home RIGHT NOW!”

Chase weighed his options between who seemed the least pissed at him. Marvin and Jackieboy were obviously out. He didn’t particularly want to call Anti either. That left Henrik and Jameson. He went to the contact and pressed the call button. It barely rang before it was picked up.

“CHASE!! VERE ZEE FUCK HAFFE VOU BEEN??” Henrik shouted, his accent the thickest Chase has ever heard it, barely understandable in his drunken haze

“I’m sorry Hen” he slurred

“Chase vere are vou? Are vou fucking betrunken?!”

“Hen, Hen what? I-I don’t know what... what you’re saying.”

“HES ASKING IF YOU’RE DRUNK ASSHOLE!” Jackie shouted. “You’re on speakerphone you dick!”

Chase couldn’t see it but Jameson was trying to tell Jackie to calm down.

“OH FUCK NO THIS IS AS CALM AS I’LL BE JAMIE!”

Chase sat down on the sidewalk, leaning against a building. “I’m not fucking drunk,” he slurred

“Tell that to your voice.” Marvin piped up.

“Fiiiiiiiineeeeee mayyybeee I had a drink or few. Happy?”

“How many is ein few?”

Chase snorted and started laughing like that was just the funniest thing ever. “Fuck if I know, I wasn’t counting.”

“Chase where are you?” The static behind the phone let him know it was Anti and he whimpered.

“You’ll be mad at me...”

“WE’RE ALREADY MAD AT YOU DIPSHIT!” Jackie yelled. Henrik left the phone on the table while he grabbed his shoes and a jacket, figuring that because Chase called him, he should be the one to get him.

Chase suddenly got quiet. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Marvin furrowed his eyebrows.

“I mean I’m lost... that’s why I called... I was at a bar, then tried to walk home and got lost.”

There was silence for a little while. Marvin suddenly stepped towards an open area of floor and started mumbling a spell. “He’s on the corner of Center Street and Behmer Drive. A block down from a bar.” Henrik nodded, grabbing his phone and getting into the car.

“Chase stay on ze phone ja?”

“Okayyyy.” Chase yawned. “Hen I’m tired.”

“Vell I vill not carry vou in so vou need to stay avake”

“But I’m sleepyyyyyyy” Henrik sighed, driving as fast as he could without getting arrested until he saw a familiar figure all the while trying to keep said person awake. He pulled over and got out of the car. Chase stood up, but he stood up too quickly and vomited, luckily for him none of it got on Henrik. As soon as he was done, he was ushered into the car.

“I von’t um... vhat is that expression? Chew vou out now, vou vill certainly get enough shit vrom Jackieboy and Marvin.”

“Thank you,” Chase mumbled, the heat of the car feeling nice on his cold wet body.

“Und vour hangover und sickness vill be more zan enough punishment tomorrow.”

“I’m real sorry Hen.”

“Zat is vhat vou zaid last time. Und vou did it again. Vou must earn mein trust back Chase. Jamie’s too. Und vou vill be lucky if ze ozers trust vou again soon.” All of a sudden, Chase broke into sobs. He thought he didn’t have anymore tears left in him, but apparently he was wrong.

“Please don’t make me see them Hen... I’m just so weak and pathetic and you all are important. All I have is... is... I’m just useless. What have I ever been besides a nuisance? With all my whining about Stacy, over reacting to a couple sad days and calling it depression, my-my bad habits and self destructive tendencies... I’m surprised you all still keep me around,” Chase’s whole body shook with his sobs.

There was a lot to unpack there and Henrik had no clue where to start. He pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, turning to face Chase. “Chase... how long have vou been feeling like zis?”

He just shrugged. “I dunno... a while now, maybe a year or so?”

“Vhy didn’t vou say anyzing?”

“I was scared you would realize your mistake and kick me out.” He mumbled. It was quiet, but Henrik heard it loud and clear.

“Ve vould never dream of it Chase. Vou are far from useless-“

“Oh yeah? Name one thing that I’ve done that actually helped!”

Henrik went silent as his brain tried to think of a good example that wasn’t easily written off because he knew that anything he said would be torn to bits anyway.

“Thought so.” Chase shook his head. “I actually thought you were gonna say something too. Guess I can add moron to the list.”

“Chase stop-“

“Oh look, I’m being a bother yet again. Shocking.” He got out of the car, slamming the door, puked in the grass, then went inside, ready to be reminded yet again of how weak and pathetic he was.

The second he opened the door was the second the yelling began. He didn’t even bother protesting because they were all right. He screwed up, could’ve died, worried them all.

“Do you have ANY idea how scared we were?! I thought I was going to get a call from a hospital that you were hurt or DEAD! We all were so worried-“

“I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO CARE!” Chase snapped.

“WELL SCREW YOU TOO! I’m your brother!” Jackie fired right back.

‘Ok I think that’s enough’ Jameson tried to intervene, but of course, nobody was paying attention to him. Well, nobody except one person who did happen to notice. Anti stepped in between the two.

“That is enough.” His voice caused everyone to stop yelling, Jameson signing a small thank you towards him. “It seems like Chase has already berated himself over and over, haven’t you? I’m not inside your head, chill out, but you’re fucking screaming it with your body language. You seem to forget that you all can’t hide anything from me. And, I can assure you Chase, you aren’t faking anything, and we all would care.

“Don’t you see? Look around you Brody! Jackieboy is yelling at you because he was scared, and cares so damn much about you. Marvin had so much anxious energy that while he was pacing he started to fucking glow. Yes Marvin, I saw that. Jameson wasn’t signing anything, he just retreated into his mind again, like he always does when he’s worried. Henrik was prepping his work station just in case you came home half dead and was shaking so much he dropped half his equipment. And I-” Anti took a deep breath “I was glitching so much I disappeared for a little bit, just static filling my place. I’m still glitching a lot, and it is taking all of my energy to stay present enough to knock some sense into your drunken mind! We care about you because we all have no idea what we would do without you here!” He balled his hands into fists, and stared down Chase, watching him deflate even more than he already was. He shook his head, retreating to his room where he resumed his excessive glitching.

Jameson was the first one to recover. ‘Chase? What did Anti mean about “you aren’t faking anything, and we all would care”?’ When he was met with a blank stare, he sighed and looked to one of the others to translate. Marvin was the one to interpret for Chase.

“I... I had it in my head that... that I was just faking my depression... that I was just sad a bit. And that... that nobody would care if I... if I... tried again.” Everyone in the room but Jameson understood, and Jameson wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to know. His mind supplied an answer and he didn’t like it. Jackie was the one to walk over to Chase and engulf him in a hug. The rest soon followed, and Chase began to cry again into Jackie’s shoulder. After a while they one by one let go, and Chase looked between them all before going to his room and passing out on his bed.

[bluejaytaco]

Jay plays DND. Again.

(Back in the room with the statues, we’re trying to figure out how they all fit into one another. Each statue is missing a piece and there are pieces of rubble on the ground.)

Wreybar: (Sees the pieces glowing) The stones are glowing

The rest of the party: (sees no glowing)

Hector: (Starts to wake up from his little fear coma)

Wreybar: I wanna throw Hector at one of the statues!

DM: Okay. Anyone have any objections?

Art: (Just shrugs and looks at Alabaster)

Alabaster: Well... if you believe it will help.

(After a quick near misstep of Wreybar nearly throwing Hector while Boblin was still attached, Hector gets thrown at a statue of Mrs. Red where it looks like she’s stepping on somehting. His head ends up under her boot. Then her eyes start to glow green and she starts to step down.)

Art: Uhhh, we probably shouldn’t let this happen!

Alabaster: (Quickly pulls Hector out from under the statue before he’s comepletely crushed)

Wreybar: (Crushed that we didn’t let Hector die (For Context: she’s slightly insane right now.))

Art:.... Letting that happen could interfere in the way the statues work. If we let the statue finish, we could end up trapped in here.

Wreybar:... Guess you gotta point.

(Stand around figuring out the rocks and such for a while. Most are too heavy for a good amount of us to move. Wreybar’s able to kick one accross the room, but then Boblin tries to move one and goes “yeah, that ain’t moving.”)

Ticket Master: Mmmph! Hrm! (Art undoes the cloth again) Blech, please don’t put that back on... Anyway, hello!

Art: Hey, what’s up?

Ticket Master: It seems like you’re having trouble with a puzzle! Stones and statues and such. I would like to assist.

Art: How do you know that if you can’t see?

Ticket Master: Oh, I can see through your eyes!

Alabaster: (with all the sarcasm in his body) Oh good!

Ticket Master: Why yes it is! Now, go and place me on that stone over there.

Art: Uh... okay? (Does so)

Stone: (Starts to glow green)

Ticket Master: Mhm, just as I thought. Remove me. (Art pulls him back) you’re not very smart, are you?

Art: I mean... how long have you known me?

Ticket Master: The stones are of a specific type of magic that center off different abilities. You just have to match them to their statue. 

Art: Ah ha... simple enough. (As Art pulls away, he gets a vision of Ticket Master in a prison cell.) ... you’re in jail?

Ticket Master:.... yes, but we’ll get to that soon.

---

(We get through one of the statues that’s focus is on Charisma. Art’s able to convince it with a double disadvantage as he was the last one allowed to speak for the simple face that he was the one holding the stone to power it.(Bards and charisma, so it makes sense.) We move onto a stone for intelligence, where Hennessy is guiding it.)

Statue(Turns to Alabaster:) Tell me the name of the general currently in power at Avandra’s gulch.

Alabaster: Oh... well... ehm... hmm...

(DM:No one help.)

Art: (wants so badly to help.) C’mon... you got this. (filled with frustration.)

Alabaster:... um....(takes a random shot in the dark) Billy.

Art: (facepalm)

Statue: Incorrect. His name is Zerg. (Turns to Art as the tiefling is looking at Alabaster in annoyance.) You. What is the name of the bartender you bedded?

Art:....fuck.... 

Alabaster: Oh, you shame me and yet you cannot recall the woman with whom you copulated?

Art: I remember the woman I copulated with, Alabaster. I just didn’t want to recall the act. Her name is Shia.

Statue: Incorrect. Her name is Shia. (just pronounced differently.)

 Art: No the fuck it isn’t!

Statue: (Turns to Hennessy) You, wizard. (Art, in the background: I call bullshit!) What is the name of your lover?

Hennessy: Vincent. (Undeniably, the right answer)

Statue: Incorrect. (The statue then starts to go into the ground and spazes out.)

(This is the statue Wreybar threw Hector into so.... clearly we broke something.)

(Before we can figure out what to do, a tornado drops down in the room. Art and Wreybar are able to dive out of the way while Alabaster and Hennessy get sucked up. From his spot on the ground, Art recognizes it as a god’s ability. Shawn, the god of Winds. The one who guides them to the rooms with the other gods. He shouts this over to Wreybar and then dives in with her.)

Shawn, looking horribly tired: Alright. Wreybar, Alabaster, Art... your gods are ready to speak with you.

Art: You look like you could use a break... you okay?

Shawn, brushes him off: yeah, fine whatever. (Leads them to Art’s god) This is you, Art. You can bring someone in with you. Or everyone. I don’t fucking care.

Art:.... (turns to Alabaster) you wanna come in with me?

Alabaster:... why yes! Yes, that would be lovely. 

(Both head into the God room)

---

DM: Art, Alabaster. You walk into the room and see a man lounging in a throne. He looks exhausted. Art, from your hand, you can hear Ticket Master getting excited.

Art:... uh, a little enthusiastic there, sweets?

Ticket Master: Oh, he’s just an old friend. It’s good to see him again!

God: (Looks up at them)

Art: ...hey there.

Alabaster: Hail and Well met!

God: (stands up. He towers over Art) Do you fear me?

Art: ...No. Should I?

God: No, of course not. But do you trust me? (When Art doesn’t answer, he puts out a hand) If you trust me, shake my hand.

(DM: which hand is Art gonna shake with?

Me: That all depends on which hand he put out. (We spent a little too long on whether or not it would be the Ticket Master hand or his normal hand. Makes me wonder if I should have gone with the Ticket Master hand.))

As Art put his hand into the god’s, he was pulled in closer so the god could whisper in his ear.

God: I cannot be your god as Ticket Master has already claimed you for himself. However, I can help you as he is a good friend of mine. (Let’s go and hands Art a coin with his symbol on it.) If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to speak with me, crush that coin.

Art:...This sounds like it’s a one-time thing.

God: it is. Now, there’s more I must say, but I can’t with those bracelets in place so give me your wrists. 

Art: (readily gives the god his wrist and watches with glee as Task Master’s bracelet is shattered)

God: (turns to Alabaster) You as well.

Alabaster: (very hesitant)

Art: Look! No more Task Master! (Happily showing his wrist)

Alabaster:....(Gives the god his hand)

DM: He takes the bracelet off your wrist, but he’s not really all that gentle with you. It falls to the ground with Art’s and he looks at both of you.

God: No one wearing those bracelets can know what I’m about to tell you. Can I trust you to keep this secret?

Art:.... I mean, I’ve been keeping plenty of secrets. What’s one more?

God: There is a war you have yet to see. A war between the gods. Many of those on the side of light wish to rid the world of everything and start with a clean slate. Others believe this would be unnecessary. Myself and Ticket Master are on the side of the latter. The god you serve, Alabaster, will work to rid the world of it all.

Alabaster:... And how can I be sure to trust you?

God: Honestly, you can’t. That decision is up to you. But know this; the other symbol on your coin was mine. If you denounce Pelor, you can still find solace under me.

Alabaster: Yes. Yes... (turns to Art a little too enthusiastically) Would you like to go speak to Pelor now???

Art: Uh, sure... (Turns to the God) before we go.... what’s your name?

(Koejin’s player: (tuned in at this point) yeah, gods don’t like when we don’t ask for names.)

God: (Slightly exasperated) My name is Cerephim.

Art: Right, Cerephim.... Thank you... (Walks out with Alabaster)

--

Shawn, very tired looking: Okay, this is you, Alabaster. Bring someone in if you want. Or don’t; I don’t care.

Alabaster: (stares at the door with Pelor’s symbol on it) Hmm... (Turns to Art) Would you like to come in with me?

Art:... I mean, do you think that’s a good idea?

Alabaster: (Smiling) I haven’t the slightest clue.

Art:.... yeah, okay.

(Art and Alabaster walk into the room which is basically Pelor’s hall of light. Art is doing his best to hide behind Alabaster so he’s not noticed. Unfortunately, I would have needed to roll a 21 in stealth to not be spotted, so Pelor sees him.)

Pelor: (Looking at Art, immediately judgmental and suspicious) You there. Are you a believer in the light as well? And ready to rid this world of darkness?

Art: (pretty intimidated) Uhhhhh, well, you know.... I’m actually.... more of a moral grey guy myself. You know, trying to figure it out and such.... Maybe work towards... becoming part of the light? (Jay’s Fun fact: if you’re standing in front of a God of Light, say none of these things!)

Pelor: Get out.

Art: You got it! (turns on a heel and heads for the door)

(Alabaster’s Player, The DM, and I spent a full minute laughing at this. Somewhere, in a different plane of existence, Ticket Master is ramming his head against the wall at the sight.)

DM: You could of lied to him, you know.

Me: I have literal darkness as my right hand. Last thing I need is Pelor seeing through my lies, grabbing my hand, and having Ticket Master going “Helloooo~!”

Pelor:(Talks to Alabaster about following the light and not being so indecisive with his calling) Enough of the “Well, maybe”s. You have to be forceful, my boy! You must fight to destroy the darkness!

Alabaster: Yes, I understand.... I’ve also heard rumors.... of a war happening between gods... possibly a disagreement?

Pelor: (laughs) There’s no such war, my boy! We gods work together. The people who says otherwise fill your head with lies!

Alabaster: (Relieved) Yes, quite. That is what I wished to hear. Well, I guess I must be off then. (Heads for the door)

Pelor: One last thing before you go. A quest you must fill. If you wish to continue to serve in the light... you must kill your daughter.

Alabaster: (Stops)..... (Turns with a smile) You see, I felt as though that might become a situation...

Pelor: And you must see why. She was born of the darkness! A child like that cannot be allowed to continue on.

Alabaster: But, I must ask... Would it simply be possible to guide her over to the light? Surely she can be saved.

Pelor: (clearly not pleased) ....well, if you must try.

Alabaster: You are most wise. (Leaves)

---

(Meanwhile)

(Theodora, Koejin, and Oskar are walking through tunnels looking for Mrs. Red. Instead, they find a passed out Eltbalm, a passed out Shia, and a half digested dead body. Shia and Eltbalm wake up around the same time.)

Shia: (Incoherent and insane from Ticket Master’s power supplied through Art’s dick, apparently)

Eltbalm: (Uses Remove Curse on her)

Shia:....ugh... what happened?

Theodora: You went insane thanks to the God of Death and Deceit.

Shia: ..... Art’s the God of Death and Deceit??

Theodora: What? No.

Koejin: But he did fuck the God of Death and Deceit.

Shia:...guess it’s true. You fuck a bard and you’re fucking every girl that bard’s been with.

Koejin and Theodora:....

Shia:... the God of Death and Deceit is a woman...right?

Theodora:...Honestly, it would be fitting.

Koejin: but no, Ticket Master’s a guy... we think.

Shia: wait. So Art slept with a man?! ugh....

(Me: Art slept with a homophobe??

DM: I had to make her terrible in some way.)

Koejin: I suddenly regret saving you.

(Shia might not make it back home at this rate. Pretty sure if Koejin doesn’t kill her, Hennessy will.)

---

(Eltbalm ends up carrying Shia out of the tunnel they were in and leaves Koejin and Theodora to continue their search for Purple, who they find shortly after. 

Koejin then has a secret meeting with her god. When she comes back, she tells General Purple to shift into something that would then read her mind. Upon doing this, Purple sees Bahamut, gets scared, and becomes the purple gem. Theodora is very confused as Bahamut is her god.)

Theodora:... You saw Bahamut?

Koejin: As a kid. I didn’t think it was him but it turns out...

Theodora: This... doesn’t make any sense. How? Why? 

Koejin: I could tell you. But you’re wearing something that prevents me from doing that.

Theodora: (looks down at Task Master’s bracelet.)

(Task Master is summoned shortly after this. He ends up controlling Skelly and that’s where this particular session ends. A lot of shit has happened since this, but mental issues kept me from typing this out sooo yeah. More will probably come very soon!)

[dreamz-are-weird]

So the day it was Easter 2020 i dreamt that there was this fuckin bunny who soon became this big ass bunny who would literally kill everything in its path. It was in my house so I left the room, closed the door, and started packing cause I AIN'T DEALING WITH THIS KINDA SHIT. Anyway, I was packing, when I was going to go get my DnD players handbook when I look to my right... and the door is fucking open and there's no damn sign of a bunny. I get scared as hell, and leave (sadly i didn't bring the book with me). I went to a car where there were 2 people and I was gonna ask them for help but realized they wouldn't be any help for reasons. I run and I find this one guy in I think it was a truck? I tell him whats happening (ok either that or I just did one of those "NO TIME TO REALLY EXPLAIN BUT WE GOTTA FUCKIN GO.") and we leave. Guy has a guitar and while he's driving he takes out the guitar and just straight up starts playing it while singing. I have no idea how we didn't crash considering it's not a car that can drive itself and whatnot. After the song we both think we're hopefully far enough and in the middle of a forest with no signs of people anywhere and we just decided "Welp, guess we're living here now." and then we just do whatever while im being taught how to survive buy this dude. This part isn't important but we did eat a butterfly made out of bacon, the butterfly is made out of raw ba on so you do have to cook it. It was good, I think. Anyway the dude who can actually drive decides that we should head back. I'm with him driving back and once I realized what's happening I'm just going "WAIT NO NO NO NO-" but then the bunny appeared again and we drove away. Now that I think about it this guy wasn't really that smart but then again, neither am I. While I'm in the vehicle with the guy we just finally give in to the fact that

1. There's a killer rabbit out there killing everything it sees.

and

2. Guess we're livin in the while now.

After some stuff of surviving (I think, I don't really remember this part) I wake up and honestly, I will never see bunnies the same way again and I will now kill every single bunny I see in a game. I'm also surprised my brain doesn't consider what happened some sort of nightmare.

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

will you PLEASE explain chuubo's to me? i only have ever played 5e and i run a campaign for some friends and it sounds like a really fun platform

oh hell yes gather round the campfire friends

ok so chuubo’s marvelous wish-granting engine, a tatterpig by the inestimable dr jenna katerin moran, is a game for… simulating narratives? i dont know how to put it but its entirely focused on character arcs. if youve played dnd then youre used to character classes being written around and balanced for combat, but in chuubos combat and even conflict in general take a huge backseat

anyways the general core loop of dnd is ‘go to place, kill monsters, get treasure’ even if a lot of dnd campaigns end up veering away from that, the basic thing you do in dnd is fight things and get stuff for it. the core loop in chuubos is to basically enact certain scenes where you do something appropriate to the genre or character, and accumulate a little xp for it. in this way xp tracks not your combat prowess, but your general character growth. you get xp from genre actions, from making the other players feel things (i believe one of the sample characters gets it for making them facepalm), and from ‘quests’ which are not skyrim-style quests, but rather… hang on let me start a new paragraph

a quest is pretty much ‘something thats happening in your life’, something that goes on for a while and shapes your day to day life. the sample quest given is ‘cleaning up an old house’ but there are also quests like ‘falling in love with an old friend’ and ‘slowly turning into the sun’

thats all you need to know for the most basic grokking of chuubos but im gonna talk about colors now. there are eight colors that dr jkm uses to kind of group together general concepts: purple is the color of the pastoral genre, of hard work and simple living, of shared connections with other people, of shepherds, of taking care of things. a color isnt really a mechanical thing, so you dont absolutely have to know what they mean, but you get a feel for what things are and you understand when people talk about ‘oh thats very gold of you’ or ‘im feeling orange today’. 

the analogy of dnd classes, i guess, is miraculous arcs. there are 24 of these, 3 for each color, and they range from ‘noir detective’ to ‘cardcaptor sakura’ to ‘godzilla’ to ‘i am literally the sun’. as we’ve said, though, theres not really situations where people get smashed against each other for miraculous combat (i mean, there are, but its not required or even expected), so its ok for one guy to literally have a wish-granting engine while this other guy just… has a spotlight sometimes? actually there are more than 24, and not all of them are in the book, but you can go on dr jkm’s tumblr to see all the others that she intends to put in another book

the last thing you should know is that theres a sample campaign with sample characters, the glassmaker’s dragon, and that these sample characters are extremely compelling so a lot of the fandom talks about them, a lot of games end up with people playing some variation on them. for example leonardo da montreal is a mad scientist who ripped his heart out to replace the sun and whose nightmares are full of a blasphemy, but the book also talks about an example dulcinea d’avignon who is a dark magician instead of a mad scientist, or a leonardo vii who is in fact a robotic copy of the original leo, etc. so a lot of the fandom loves these characters and treats them like shared characters

so thats what chuubos is, why chuubo appeals to me is…. a) dr jkm has some incredible writing, not just the style (which some people actually don’t like) but in the content. her writing in nobilis could legit be used without editing in a church sermon, and move people to tears. chuubo involves a lot of talk about the wishing power of the heart, about the fundamental nature of people, so on and so forth. she says a lot of beautiful stuff. b) the structure of chuubos makes it a really good model for tatterpigs where you progress in something slowly, especially in character growth or enlightenment or whatever, so i steal the ‘hit x trigger to gain xp’ structure all the god damn time. c) it’s a well written game that lets you do all kinds of wacky stuff, ive heard described as a miyazaki movie simulator, and you can also do stuff like be a talking rat who pulls giant robots out of peoples chests and like, thats fine. thats good

anyways if you ever want to know more you can talk to me or to a wide variety of people who i am sure will soon attach their names to this post, theres a discord, its all good fun

[whelvenwings]

Tagged!

I was tagged by the lovely @awkwardpotatonk - welcome to the world of tag games!! I hope it has been exciting! and long may you sneeze like Shrek.

Nickname: well, I got Echo Tesla from a futuristic name generator earlier so gonna go with that and hope it sticks for obvious reasons

Zodiac: Virgo babey but like, disaster Virgo who doesn’t keep things clean and organised

Height: just under 6 ft

Last movie I saw: The Princess Switch... I... might need to do a royalty AU soon

Last thing I googled: "put english on it”

Favorite musician: today has been a Lady Gaga day, which is unusual

Song stuck in my head: thusly, Million Reasons

Other blogs: I have a multifandom secondary blog that I wanted to start using but then the female-presenting nipplepocalypse happened and I wasn’t sure if I was still gonna start it up. I really want to blog more about TAZ and the thirteenth doctor and random things I watch and read, though, so I think I’m gonna go for it at some point

Do i get asks: when I remind people I don’t like mangoes, sure

Following: 249. I’m trying to follow more people to get my dash a little more pepped up but I’m not great with change, I have a few weird squicks about stuff I don’t like to see, and I enjoy knowing the people on my dash, so it’s a lil hard to expand the circle.

Amount of sleep: good god

Lucky number: 12

What I’m wearing: a tee with Zuko on it and owl jimjam trousers

Dream job: it’s weird that it kinda hurts to think about what my dream job would be because it feels so far-off and impossible. there are lots of things I can see myself doing and really enjoying, but the process to get there looks daunting and not in the “I’ll have to work really hard” sense because that’s cool by me, just in the “I have no idea how to meaningfully invest my efforts when there seems to be no opportunities around” sense. I do enjoy the work that I do right now but it’s not my dream job by any means. I guess in an ideal world I’d be able to sustain a living out of writing or content creation of some kind, or I’ve thought about teaching full-time or even going into counselling. in 2019 I need to get my head sorted on where I’m gonna try to be, because at the moment I think I’m too cosy in what I’m doing right now and I’m not trying to get out of my rut because I’m worried about failing out. this has been an unasked for venting session with whelvenwings

Dream trip: well if it’s a dream trip then the normal rules of irl travel surely don’t apply so we’re going to MARS and there will be MARS BARS EVERYWHERE and everyone there will enjoy playing board games and DnD so we’ll just be those chill dudes living their best lives in space

Favorite food: I could absolutely go nuts for a brie, bacon, and apricot bagel right now and just saying that sentence makes me wonder whether my beloved bagel creation could be improved with the addition of a few tastefully scattered nuts atop the glorious sundries below 

Play any instruments: I play a little bass guitar and a little piano and a little drums, and I mean a very little because I’m irredeemably bad frankly but god it makes me happy to try

Languages: well english is a tricksy one but we try our best to surf her waves of meaning with grace on the daily. I understand a lot of italian, spanish, and french and I speak quite a bit when I have the confidence. I’m learning indonesian and I’ve learned a bit of german and turkish in the past so I can understand the basics of those fairly ok. I read latin pretty decent but I’m getting rusty. I freakin love languages man.

Favourite songs: today it’s 102 by the 1975. I’m going to see them next week and I’m STOKED LIKE A STEAM ENGINE’S FURNACE

Random fact: I have a snowglobe beside me that I got for Christmas and it’s got a unicorn inside it with one half of its face looking kinda cute while the other half looks more majestic, you know how figurines tend to have that very-different-halves-of-the-face thing going on, and there’s a rainbow overarching the whole affair, and underneath is a space for the gifter to write the giftee’s name. my mum gave it to me and she wrote “Emily” and then a little smiley face with a creepy little nose like :-) and she apologised when she gave it to me for the nose and it’s my favourite thing I own right now.

How to describe myself aesthetic: you know that feeling when you expected an experience or a place to be really magical and otherworldly and movie-esque and perfect and then you actually do it or go there and it’s just real life, like you’re still you and you still have an itch on your nose and you still haven’t done that thing you need to do and there are crying babies and there are people chewing and there is dirt on the floor and you realise there is no way to escape being yourself wherever you go or whatever you do in a big messy imperfect world, and THEN there’s a moment where you think, like, this is all a part of it? like, I’m doing something special and I’m still angry with my sister and I still need to pee and that man’s voice is still really nasal when he’s talking about his insurance policy but it’s all a part of it, a part of this big art that I’m a part of, like it’s not movie-esque or picturesque or novel-esque or perfect because no movie or picture or novel is ever going to be able to capture the ugly lovely fullness of the absolute art that is our ongoing life, and whether we feel flat or deep or happy or sad or disappointed or ecstatic or whatever, it’s all a part of it? that moment, when you feel that? pretty cool. anyway my aesthetic is probably candles or something. this went to a weird place.

tagging: @thebloggerbloggerfun, @destieldrabblesdaily, @shieldmaidenofsherwood, @iffeelscouldkill, @migglangelus, @captainhaterade, and @natmoose

[thesunlightmuse]

Riddle Room Highlights: Welcome to the Madness

Context: this is a DnD campaign run by the wonderful @genderfluidmollymauks​ (Roleb). Players include:

Spici, a bard gnome, played by moi

Miles, a tiefling rogue, played by Miles

Nebula, a tiefling sorcerer, played by @a-broken-machine (Jeremy)

(Miles and Nebula are siblings and Spici is their best friend)

Or’vessah, a drow cleric, played by Sofa

Iados, a tiefling sorcerer, played by @umbreeonic​ (Tory)

Yahzzah, a tiefling bard, played by Beck

Roleb also plays two NPCs in the campaign: Sandy, an elf who has done absolutely no wrong whatsoever, and Orith, a stinky bandit tiefling

OKAY LET’S DO THIS! I’m gonna stick it under a cut.

We ended last session with le gang agreeing to help a woman named Athya. Athya raises dragons (and other magical creatures maybe?) and she needed help getting rid of a manticore. So that’s where we are now.

Session starts and basically the first thing Roleb says is “pick a mount, this is going to be an aerial battle.” Cue the entire campaign FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. You see, in the last session, we met some of Athya’s dragons. Specifically, a bunch of baby dragons who were named after us, the players. I may have gotten a little attached to Dragon Lia. Oops. Roleb told us we couldn’t have the dragons, which REALLY upset me, so when we found out we could ride our dragons, a lot of us were seriously excited.

Okay, so we pick our mounts. Spici is on Lia the red dragon, Iados rides Tory the (diabetic) silver dragon, Yahzzah rides Beck the (blue?) dragon, Nebula picks Blaze the nightmare, Miles elects for Lightfall the pegasus, Or’vessah goes for Fluffy the hippogriph, and stinky bandit girl Orith takes Fruit the peryton. Time to fight!

We roll initiative for order. We thought Nebula was going to go last when Jer rolled a 2... and then Beck rolled a Nat 1. Oops. After that, Roleb has us roll again to see which people are able to battle in the first round and who gets to the party late. Because that... is a thing. Apparently. Okay, so we know who’s going and when. Time to fight!

Okay, so it’s battle time. There’s a bunch of debate over whether Iados gets to have a bonus action, Miles tries to hit the manticore with his glaive and gets two entire points of damage (Nebula, in the background, unable to play the first round: “Good job, Miles!”), and then it’s my turn. I try to hit it with Faerie Fire, fail, and then I use Bardic Inspiration as a bonus action...

After that, Beck tries to roll a 1d20+17 on their turn (probably to make up for the Nat One, Nat Fun). Roleb has to inform them that their modifier is only a +3. Oops. And then Yahzzah whole ass copies Spici by shouting “stay strong” at Orith as their bardic inspiration. So inspirational screaming is now a thing, I guess. Anyway, it’s pretty normal battle shit... and then Nebula gets hit with tail spikes, pulls a tail spike out of their body, says “Hey, I think you dropped something,” and casts Catapult on the spike, sending it hurtling at the manticore and doing twelve points of damage.

(Keep in mind that two sessions ago, Nebula “cast CATAPULT on a GOBLIN, sending him careening into ANOTHER GOBLIN” and absolutely owned there as well. A true expert in magical yeetery.)

Okay, so at this point, we’ve brought the manticore down from 80 HP to 22 (cue me turning on my mic to sing Taylor Swift and then turning it off), and then immediately after, Miles attacks and then sneak attacks, bringing this thing so close to dead that when my turn rolls around, Jeremy suggests that I flick it in the nose. I decide to hit it with my trusty frying pan, roll a nat fucking twenty, and kill it. Yay! Battle’s over! Right?

Except no, because then Roleb makes some flip comment about how fun it is playing homebrew and has the dying manticore shoot tail spikes at all of us. Nebula almost dies and then doesn’t (cue Spici freaking out, she did this so many times throughout the session, poor thing). And then the wind picks up, I fail my dex save, and Spici falls off of her dragon.

We need to interrupt this recap to briefly explain the relationship between Spici and Orith. Spici does not like Orith at all, for many reasons but primarily because Orith pretty obviously has a thing for Nebula, and Spici... y’know what, it’ll make sense in like thirty seconds. Bear with us. But anyway, Orith dives to save Spici when she falls off her dragon, grabs her, and does some weird teleport thing to get them on the ground. Spici is freaking the fuck out, yelling at Orith, and runs away as soon as she sees the others land.

And then... It Happens.

You see, my friends, long before this campaign started, Jeremy and I agreed to romance Spici and Nebula. By the time we got to session 2 or 3, everyone knew about the plan.... except for Roleb. Because we’re all little shitheads. All of the players agreed that this would be the session where Spici asks Nebula out, and after the battle seemed like a pretty good time to do it. It was time.

Now, originally, the plan was for me, real live human Lia, to break out my real guitar and sing a song. Except I ended up having to work today, so I couldn’t bring my guitar, so instead I recorded the song last night and uploaded it to YouTube unlisted. So I snuck into the channel for Fried, our trusty music bot, and had it join the game VC and play the recording.

EVERYONE freaked out. It was AMAZING. Roleb came close to crying and gave me inspiration. Jeremy might actually have cried. Miles shouted “FINALLY.”

And of course, Nebula said yes. It was great. Everyone’s super happy about it, except for Orith, who is very grumpy. Apparently she’s pissed at Spici for not saying thank you for saving her life. And like... fair. But at the same time, Spici is convinced that Orith didn’t actually save her to be nice... they have a really complicated relationship. Anyway, Nebula and Or’vessah have a conversation about the underdark and love, Iados begs Spici to play nice, Orith and Spici argue again, Iados and Sandy get their flort on, and Nebula and Spici kiss and take a nap in Spici’s bedroll.

And that’s the end! That was session 4, it was amazing. Hopefully Spici and Orith will stop hating each other next session.

[choerry-moved]

Okay so for the record i did my first one wrong and i mostly just wanted a redo and that’s why i wanted to get to 150 so bad, but also thank you guys so much! i didn’t think i would get more than a couple of followers and i appreciate you all! 

(oh and its 153 now bc im late whoops)

@chatnotcat - hi, i Love you! It's so much fun doing rabbit sessions and joking around with you, and i hope we can do more of them soon. I'll try to be on the discord more than i have once im back from camp. thank you for being the coolmom ;)

@cverrybomb - hEY br02! i love you with my whole entire heart and i'm so thankful that you're my friend. You're really easy to talk to about either serious stuff or just messing around and i enjoy any time i spend talking to you. I'm also so thankful i get to be your editor and hear all sorts of your good ideas. It's really fun to run through the plot with you to get your thoughts in order and shit. Anyway ily and im Always available to talk if you want/need to

@egg-naut - i don’t even think i can express all my feelings through a little message on a tumblr post, but i love you so much, and i will support you until the end. You’re a wonderful person who i have seen grow so much over the past year even through all the shit. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and such a light in my life, and i’m thankful for every moment i’ve gotten to spend with you, and i can’t wait to spend more ;)

@hyyhparadise - i considered making this message just "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" and leaving it, but lucky you i actually have shit i wanna say. Thank you for setting up all the rabbit sessions and just being a generally joyful person despite life being shit. you seriously light up my life. i swear that laura's not Actually the only cool mom, bc i think you're pretty damn cool too! ily ;)

@jeonginyourdreams - hey b! I lovelovelovelove you! between convos about nct (weird and not), your unnecessary fear of our dear kun, and weird ass timezones, i'm so glad to be your mutual and friend. Thank you for finally talking to me because i was too scared (idk why lmao) ily bitch!

@kalicofox - hey ta idk if you'll see this or care, but i love you so much and wanted to put you on this bc it's a great chance to appreciate you. First of all, congrats on getting a place! It's something that you've been waiting for a while for, and you definitely deserve it. Secondly, thank you for giving me a gateway to dnd, a thing i had been wanting to do for such a long time before we started. It's really been so much fun, and my love for the game has really just multiplied since then thanks to you and our wonderful group of players. Thank you for being my friend and brain-doppleganger i can't wait to pick up playing again

@the-jin-reaper - omg hey i dont think i'll Ever be be able to express the amount of love i have for you. I met you on the first day of school, and it was wild and you never thought you'd see me ever again but hey bitch guess who! We've been in the same advisory and hopefully we'll be in some of the same classes next year. But beside that, you introduced me to kpop which i'll forever be thankful for, because it opened me up to a World of new experiences, friendships, and cultures (fan, and not), as well as a very wonderful source of comfort i really needed this year. Thank you for sending me never-ending support, and i promise to do the same to you

@tyracetrack - hey idk if i've ever talked to you about how much i love and appreciate you, but i want you to know that i really do. You always give support in the little ways i need when i ask, whether it be just letting me lean on your shoulder, or going walking, or jamming out with me and feeding me junk food, and i'm so thankful for that. I've known you forever and i hope i know you for a long time after this, i love you So much and i don't think i say it enough

@space-gabe - hey kiddo i remembered you this time! You're the most wonderful little brother Anyone could ever ask for. You're very sweet, and loving (though you tease me ahjsk) and i enjoy talking to you any time. I'll never stop supporting you through everything and i hope that even through the hardships you'll continue to keep smiling and brightening up my life like you have so far. I just wanna give you a Big ole hug and eat ice cream with you while watching cartoons. I'll talk to you soon <3

@vibin03 - i really hope this really Is theo bc you never told me if it was or not ahsjk. well either way i'm gonna keep going assuming it is. You're such a fun person to talk to and my go-to source of Anything florida sjksaj. I love talking about anything from girls  to guys to weather to politics with you, and i love you so much. I value your conversation so much and im here to support you until the end

@01chai (i think your blog is super cute!) @9equals1 @absurdist-enigma @arialsal @babyz (ur blog lowkey scares me but i think you're cool n wanna talk to you) @bands-messed-me-up @bluefrenchhorn25 @clxmhood (hi i've never talked to you but i Love seeing you in my notes!) @crying-in-monbebe @cupidjohnny (your aes is cooler than i will Ever be tbh) @donttrybakingsalami (are you even on Ever? you made this blog as a joke) @donutlayloni @elvencadenza (hey sd ily) @embrace-the-gayyy (hi talk to me i miss you!) @habeenki @hollowcrescendo @joonierapmonie @larytello @leejenos (im glad i found your blog, and i think youre really cool ;)) @let-bi-gongs-be-bi-gongs (you're so Valid) @likem8stopprocrastinating @lizzygrcnts @lycheae​ @minycat09 @mlmchan (i’ve wanted to talk to you since i found you, sorry im too scared lmao) @molivier @myunghansgf @myungjunthehappyvirus @nolyriumforyou (i Love you) @nut4zyx @parkandzhong (an intellectual) @satanbagel @spacedracie @spxce-ham @ssojibae @the92liner @thewordbedlookslikeabed @trainerofgo (hi ily) @uwujinnie @welcometochanskitchen

and to every spacefam member who still follows me despite me veering off from voltron to kpop, thank you So much, i wouldn’t have blamed you for unfollowing and i really don’t blame the ones who did i love you all <33

and to ALL my followers, you all are amazing and i can’t believe yall put up with my libra sun bullshit, but THANK YOU!

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. didn’t sleep much last night. didn’t prepare me well for today.

i did get up and get to my chores... eventually. it took an hour and a half to get up and moving once i got out of bed. i showered and that went so late i just skipped breakfast and made myself lunch. 

harrison decided to wait until 4 hours before mom was set to show up to freak the hell out at me. he figured out i was avoiding him and i told him the truth. he didn’t stop doing things i told him repeatedly to stop doing. i said those comments made me feel bad. he did the whole “oh i’m a failure of a friend” shtick and i didn’t have the energy to turn around and ignore my hurt feelings to comfort his hurt feelings about my hurt feelings.

he made me so angry! i typed out a lot of messages and had to press my fists against the desk and take a deep breath and erase them and try again. 

the reason i got so angry was because as soon as it became clear i wasn’t going to say “oh no it’s ok” or whatever he demanded i send him a list of boundaries i have for him to not cross. like buddy if you don’t know them by now then it’s either not a problem or a very big problem. (he doesn’t listen.) i told him i didn’t know off the top of my head and he basically freaked out over and over in the same exact way no matter how many times i told him i was too tired to give him a list of my life for his own convenience.

i told him that. “i don’t have a check list for your convenience.” his response was “then how am i supposed to learn?” he sent me that literal message word for word after i told him twice that i am not his teacher or his babysitter. i have a full time job and it is not “patiently teach harrison about the magical ways of the world constantly and repeatedly at his pleasure forever and ever.” 

i was so angry. i didn’t have time for that. i didn’t really get to prepare myself for mother before she showed up because i was grinding my teeth and taking deep breaths about harrison for two hours this afternoon. i sent him a link to a long pdf about emotional labor. that’s what he’s sapping out of me. the emotional labor. he won’t read it or understand it. but i told him to talk to literally anyone besides me about it. i know he won’t. he doesn’t listen. he doesn’t really listen to me. it doesn’t matter what i do. he’s just going to put me in these lose-lose situations forever and it’s exhausting and i have OTHER THINGS I NEED TO DO WITH MY DAY!!!

so i stumbled down to the parking lot to greet mother. we went and got her checked in to her hotel and we had dinner. i ended up talking a lot more than i wanted to. when i found out dad’s mom wants to get another dog (she killed her last one) i couldn’t hold back a pretty nasty comment. didn’t have the patience i needed. 

at least when mom started making judgmental comments about other people i had the presence of mind to say “that’s not really my business” and change the subject to something that is my business. like insurance and taxes and boring difficult impossible adult stuff. mother wasn’t very helpful with a pep talk. when dad called she had me answer the phone for her. dad asked how i was doing and i said “i’m ok” and then let the silence kind of hang there. then i relayed mom’s message and hung up. 

i was starving all day (i didn’t have the energy to actually make myself a lunch) and then when i got my food i could barely eat anything at all. it took me like an hour to eat my pasta. i didn’t even finish it. i ate too much to keep the few bites remaining for leftovers but... my body was doing that thing where i felt weak from hunger and yet food was the last thing i wanted anywhere near me. 

every time mom complains about genevieve i tell her the same thing. eve is bored. she’s out of shape. she needs more exercise. mom never listens though and nothing changes. nothing ever changes just because i asked for something.

feels like that at least.

i learned my sister has been taking anxiety medication for several years now. our primary doctor prescribes them, my sister won’t see a therapist or psychiatrist. it’s so frustrating sometimes. she seems so miserable all the time but it’s like she thinks seeing a counselor will make her a crazy person or something. and you can’t be a crazy person! they’re the worst thing you could possibly be.

stigma. 

she might be a little proud, too. but the way my brother’s expression changes if therapy ever comes up, that sort of sharp flinch, i can tell that judgment is there. i don’t see why my sister wouldn’t feel a similar way. 

anyway i came home and i was so tired i did nothing for several hours. i got started on a thing for the comic but i didn’t have the energy to move past a quick sketch. i watched fma for a bit... episode 40 is next. 

i feel like i can’t draw fast enough. i wish it didn’t take so long to tell a story. i have a hundred things backed up that i REALLY want to draw. but no energy to actually draw them. i stare at my to-do list and i look at my sketchbook sitting next to me and i just sag a little. i’m feeling overwhelmed. and i can’t find that... drive, i guess, i keep wondering if anyone’s even reading it (even though i know people are reading it, and they want to know what happens next, because that’s what happens when you follow an ongoing story). 

i want to talk about it with someone besides harrison but when i go to talk about my process or the characters or choices i made i kinda clam up. at least in creative writing club that five-second hesitation of “oh my god, there is a huge flood of information i could  give about how i’m doing with this story, i’ve been making such good progress, what do i talk about?” got me absolutely nothing. i didn’t get to talk about it at all! the president moved on to his dnd campaign. i don’t have super-reflex wit... i needed a minute.

i guess with harrison it’s easier to talk about it because he hasn’t played the game and doesn’t have his own opinions about the characters. he has a different set of spoilers i can avoid. it’s way easier to talk about elements from the middle of the story (the part i wrote) when i’m sitting on the horrible bombshell twist of an ending to the game (the part i didn’t write). harrison knows some of my events and the characters but not where i’m going with all of it.

while with people who HAVE played the game, the middle of the story is going to be much more unknown! how do our protagonists get from where they are to where they end up in the game? (what changes did i decide to make to the game’s story? i’ve revealed a few already, a minor one and a major one.) 

so it’s way harder to talk with them about my story because a different subset of the story is going to be unknown to them. that subset is the part that i put all the work into. if i talk too much about the middle of the story then there ain’t gonna be any big mysteries left.

i dunno. a solution to this problem would be to have more friends i guess. i never know what to say or how to say what i want to say. i’m still very afraid of the judgment. i get it. i’m a big gay nerd. but the minute you say “fanfiction” people get all weird about it. i had to be really careful about who i told about my art. and none of them even looked anyway. nothing even matters.

i feel so trapped.

i gotta run errands with mom tomorrow, probably most of the day. i’ve been putting together a list of things i need to collect or fix. mom likes having things to fix. and if i give her things to fix that are not me, we get along a little better. she gets to feel helpful, i get to have a working desk fan, and i don’t have yet another tense situation under my belt of “memories of mother.” 

anyway. i don’t know what else to talk about. i feel like i have more to say but i’m not sure what it is i want to say, and even if i did i don’t have the energy to say it.