#anyways does anybody else feel this way or is it just me out here 😭😭😭

[lorillee]

tobe hoenst. i think this is kind of a controversial take but i genuinely do not see the appeal of klavier/apollo

[shunsuiken]

I JUST CAN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE, CAN WE GET EVEN CLOSER?

pairing. kamisato ayato x gn!bodyguard!reader

genre. fluff for the most part + does get suggestive tho 😁

synopsis. the yashiro commissioner resorts to a scandalous method to get your attention.

wc. 1.5k (i know its short but i wanted to get straight to the point LMAO)

an. guys this is so dumb but one thing that popped up in my head while writing this is that tiktok of that girl going i slowly started to be seducted by him like he’s trying to SEDUCE me 😭😭😭 omg that shits so fuckin funny

“you’re too far away, y/n.”

your eye twitches as you stare at the wooden door. he’s teasing you. a filthy load of shamelessness drips in his tone. an arm rises so he can relax his cheek in his palm, eyeing your figure that has been standing in front of the door this whole time.

you realise why he’s decided to open his mouth after five minutes of dead silence.

you’re not looking at him.

“y/n, i said you’re too far away.” his voice is louder this time. it sounds closer to a command.

“i am standing at an appropriate distance from you, my lord.” you’re staring laser beams into the door at this point. “feel free to attend to your bathing requirements independently.”

ayato scoffs. a shiver crawls up your spine.

“it was my understanding that you, my personal bodyguard, were informed about the injuries i sustained during the failed fatui assassination attempt.” drawing circles in the water with the tip of his index finger, he sighs, “sadly, my current physical state renders me incapable of attending to my bathing requirements.”

“so i would be most grateful for your assistance.” you can practically see the grin on his lips, devilish and scheming.

before ayato picks up the bathing cloth, you’ve already given in, practically attaching your eyes to the bathtub as you sit on the stool provided for you. taking the cloth, you dip it in the water to soak it up before gently gliding it across his shoulders with shaky hands.

“ah, there we go. now wasn’t that easy?” ayato turns his face towards you, now showing more of his naked back—wet and glistening in all its glory.

you feel you might faint.

you hum in agreement, holding onto that blasted bathing cloth for dear life. ayato seems to notice and turns his whole body towards you out of curiosity, but your head snaps in the other direction instead!

“y/n, how will you help me bathe if you’re facing that way?” you can hear the water splash around the stone material of the tub. it drips down the side, slowly sliding towards the stone floor.

you’re his bodyguard. you’re his bodyguard. this wasn’t part of the job description—so why are you even here?!

“my lord, i find it difficult to provide assistance if you keep moving,” you respond indifferently, maintaining some level of professionalism despite how this situation has broken all levels of it.

from the corner of your eye, you can vaguely see his hair sticking to his collarbones and shoulders. ayato knows you can see him like this. so there’s simply no point in acting such a way. but he laughs, humoured by your behaviour anyway. “oh please drop the formalities. i am merely an injured man before you.”

a naked, injured man. you correct him silently.

“mm.” you don’t really know what else to say. how were you supposed to explain any of this to anybody if they caught you leaving the bathing hall with him?!

you soak up the wash cloth once more, beginning to clean him up again. avoiding all eye contact and opportunities of skinship turns out to be much more difficult than you thought. however, when it’s time to clean his chest area, you wordlessly pass the cloth back to him.

“hm?” he looks at you. “what about over here?” he asks, pointing at his chest shamelessly.

you gape at him—oh, you’re finally looking at him now. and you wish you didn’t.

ayato is so utterly gorgeous. cheeks dusted in a shade of pink from the steam and his lips, moistened and sanguine. he would have been recognised as a deity were it not for his mortal disposition.

ayato rather takes pleasure in this look on your face. baffled, stunned, dumbfounded—this list could go on! what he finds interesting though, is that your eyes never seem to go past his shoulders. and, ayato, being quite fond of his cute and adorable bodyguard, has to tease you.

“this is as far as i will go,” you inhale, feeling like your mask of indifference will crumble within seconds. “my lord, it would be inappropriate for me to assist you in this area.”

ayato’s brows raise in excitement, revelling in how you try to stay professional. you’re doing a much better job than he would’ve expected—if it were anybody else, they would have been seduced right away.

but it’s you that the lord is playing with. and he intends to play with you until he is satisfied.

“but you’ve already come this far, why not do the rest while you’re at it?” your bottom lip quivers.

ayato figures that he’ll need to try something else to get your attention to where it needs to be.

you gasp when he takes your hand in his, gently pulling you towards him until you’re sitting on the edge of the stone tub. your uniform is dampened as you sit on the edge but you can care less when ayato peers up at you with those lavender eyes.

“m- my lord, what do you intend to do?” you curse yourself silently for stuttering. the vapour from the bath water makes your cheeks hot and sticks your hair to your forehead.

kind of looks like you could use a bath too. ayato makes a brief comment in his mind, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as he ponders on a response.

“get in the bath with me.”

a moment passes by. you swear you have never heard a more ridiculous request than this. for the past few years you’ve dealt with his unique appetite, his clothing requirements and his… special personality but this request is the first one that renders you speechless.

“what?”

“get in the bath with me,” ayato repeats, firmer this time.

you’ve lost feeling in your legs ever since he took your hand, but it’s not long before you’re soaked in bath water—with ayato there to soften the fall as your hands instinctively grab onto his shoulders. you land with an oompf, fingers wiping droplets on your face, unfortunately missing the biggest grin on your boss’ lips.

“there, that was not so difficult, was it?” his voice is much closer by your ear now, sending a wave of chills down your spine.

you hesitantly meet his eyes, behind those pretty lashes and soft sky blue hair that clings to his forehead and cheeks. “wasn’t,” you mutter as your gaze shakes in your stare. you fear that if you tear your eyes away from him again he’ll do something else even more ridiculous.

the water swooshes and you fall onto your butt when ayato finds himself on top of your lap. you can feel his thighs just gently pressing against your own which is making you wonder how you haven’t already lost consciousness.

but it’s also making you think about things you never would’ve thought you would think about.

is ayato, your employer, trying to seduce you?!

you try to think of something to say. anything. doesn’t matter how random it could be. you inhale sharply, “so did you actually have work to do or did you just want me to loiter around you?”

“not to ‘loiter’,” ayato chuckles at your word choice while you think you’ve heard heaven’s gates fly right open. “but to ‘accompany’. i did indeed have work to complete but such a mind-numbing task becomes more bearable with you around.” he traces your cheek with the pad of his thumb, palm just ghosting over your ear. “do you know how adorable you look when you’re sitting by the door with that straight look on your face?”

“that is my job, my lord.” you don’t lean away from his touch. a good sign for him. “i didn’t think i would be such a distraction, if you would like, i could relocate just outsi-”

it’s featherlight. barely even a kiss. just a gentle brush of his lips over yours. but that miniscule feeling is like a fire and it burgeons in your chest, melting away the cold iceberg of your doubts and worries. there is no turning back now. it’s like your hand has grown a mind of its own when it wraps around ayato’s neck, pulling him closer so his lips collide with yours again.

“oh dear,” ayato mutters lowly. his hair tickles your cheek. “are my feelings being reciprocated?”

your lips are like magnets to his. it makes you grin at the revelation of your own emotions. “i fear you’ve successfully seduced me, my lord.” ayato smiles as your gaze flickers between his eyes and lips.

being caged between his arms has to be considered some sort of sport for your heart. the last time it threatened to leap out of your chest like this was during the official selection of ayato’s bodyguards.

“that makes a fine headline for the steambird, don’t you think?” ayato keeps his lips close to yours, doing everything he can in his power to not crash his lips onto yours again. and so pathetically too. “‘bodyguard allegedly seduced by the yashiro commissioner’.”

“indeed. now wouldn’t that shake things up here in inazuma,” you laugh, cupping your hands in the water to pour over what you can onto his shoulders. “well now that you’re all cleaned up, don’t you think you should get ready for bed?”

ayato gives you a pointed look. “will you dress me?”

“i-” you shouldn’t even pretend like you’re surprised by this. nodding your head, you reassure him, “that can be arranged.”

[toomuchracket]

you're not pregnant, are you, darling? strong emotions for no reason can be a sign

stopp. i have a feeling that was a sign of baba on their way. 🥺 like girlie is in the hotel room texting someone to get her a pregnancy test. 😭

someone else also said Denise actually making d word girlie realise she’s pregnant, like maybe they are sitting like that and girlie thinks “I am actually late, I just thought it was tour stress”

also this is a loooooong blurb lol

right after denise says that, once you're sitting just watching the show, her words start to sink in. you count back the weeks in your head, and you realise - your period is about a week late. but it's been late before, from stress, and being excessively emotional over peanut DOES sound like something you'd do right before the cramps start, so you don't worry anyone just yet. well, you worry matty, albeit unintentionally; that night, you're a bit more subdued after the show than usual, you don't drink or smoke (just in case), and whenever anybody asks why, you just say you're tired and you don't want a headache to come on. matty knows you too well to believe it, but he doesn't press you for the real reason behind your quietness.

that is, until the next morning, when he wakes up to hear you crying in the ensuite at 8am, door slightly ajar. naturally, matty's up and in the bathroom with you as fast as his legs will carry him, and he crouches down to be level with you, sitting on the clothed toilet seat in one of his t-shirts. stroking your face, he's like "sweetheart, what's wrong? please tell me. you haven't been yourself lately."

speaking through those horrible hyperventilating sobs, you say "it's not here. it isn't here. i don't know what to do". and matty's like "have you lost something, darling? what do you mean by 'it'? i'm sure it'll be alright, we'll sort it out", and you look up at him and go "no, i mean my period. i haven't gotten it. it's been over a week" and break into wails again, hands over your face. matty takes a second to register your words, blinking, before he's like "OH. oooo-k. uh. well... it's been late before, though, hasn't it, sweetheart?", and you - still covering your face - say "never as late as this, matty" and just collapse into sobs again. his heart breaks when he hears you sob "i'm sorry", and he hugs you as best he can while you're on the lav and he's squatting lol; matty's like "no, darling, don't apologise, there's nothing to be sorry for. i think, if you're feeling up to it, you should probably do a test, and we'll take it from there, yeah?", and you sniffle like "mhmm. do you think carly would get me one? i can't go out in this state. and i don't want you to leave me". matty hugs you even tighter like "oh, sweetheart, i won't leave you, don't worry. come back to bed, my love, and we'll give her a call".

you let him lead you back into the bedroom and get all snuggled up under the covers, before matty calls carly and waits for an answer. his face lights up when the call is accepted like "hi, mate, it's uncle matty! how are you? i didn't know you could answer the phone, you little genius! will you do something for me, mate? will you put mummy on the phone? your auntie and i have a favour to ask her"; your heart glows when matty refers to you as baby hann's auntie, and the way he's so good with the little one even over the phone is making you feel a little bit better about the fact you might be untimely pregnant. anyway, when carly answers and apologises for her son getting to the phone before she could, matty's like "it's alright, we love him, we love talking to him. but we do need to ask if you wouldn't mind getting us something from the pharmacy, fairly urgently, if you can", and then when she agrees he's like "don't freak, and you can tell adam but nobody else - we need you to get us a couple of pregnancy tests" - there's a slight pause, and then you hear carly say "alright. shall i see if they have any of the ones that tell you how far along?". matty looks at you, you nod, and he says "yes please. thank you for doing this, darling, we really appreciate it", and carly says "it's no problem. anything to help you both out. and, matty... are you both doing alright? i know it's scary", bless her; you smile, and matty says "i think we are, yeah", and carly says "good. i love you both. i'll see you in about half an hour", and matty's like "thanks again. we love you too" before ending the call.

he tugs you into him, and you hold each other silently for a minute, until you say "if this is a thing... i think we're going to be alright". matty looks at you so tenderly and says "of course we will, sweetheart. yeah, it's earlier than we planned, but we both want this, don't we?" - you nod - and continues "we're in love. we're settled. we're not married yet, but we will be at some point, and we don't have to be married to be good parents. which i think we will be, honestly. and think of all the people we have around us! they take care of both of us, and i know they'll do the same for any baby we have. we'll be alright, sweetheart, we really will". after he says that, it's just a lot of cuddling and kissing and snuggling, until there's a knock at the door.

you both shrug on some shorts and go to answer it - as expected, it's carly, her son in one arm and a cvs bag in the other, adam trailing behind looking mildly panicked. matty talks to him (hann's like "i wondered if you'd be freaking out. thought i should be here to make sure you were ok", which is so sweet), while you hug carly and thank her for getting the test for you - she's so sweet, rubbing your arm as she asks how you're doing. the hanns stay and chat to matty and have a cuppa while you take the tests into the bathroom, mostly to keep your boyfriend calm, and once you've taken the tests you head back out to join them; thank god for baby hann, who distracts you and matty so much by talking about bluey that you forget to freak out about the plastic sticks in the bathroom, until the timer on your phone goes off. adam lifts his son back off your lap so you can stand (he squeezes your hand as he does, bless him), and you're like "we'll be out in a minute" as you and matty head to the bathroom - carly shouts "love you!" as you go, and matty shouts "we love you guys too!" back.

the first thing he does when the door closes is kiss you and say "i love you, regardless of what the tests say. always will", and you hug him and say "i love you too. now - let's go and see if we're having a baby or not". as you peer over at the counter, you grip each other's hands so tight you both might actually bruise; matty drops his grip in favour of lifting you into a hug upon seeing the result, like "you're going to need to show me that baby-name list now, sweetheart". you giggle a bit deliriously as you hug him and say "five weeks along. so that means... oh my god, our baby was conceived on the tenth anniversary of the album. literally less than a week after we first spoke about wanting kids. jesus. maybe we're TOO efficient?", and matty laughs like "something kinda poetic about that, considering we met at work. but, conception circumstances aside, i'm really happy about this. i love you. i'm excited to do this with you, and i'm excited to meet our baby"; you're like "so am i, baby. i'm also nervous about morning sickness. but it's fine! i have you, the love of my life, to help me through it. couldn't ask for anything more", and you have a little smooch before heading back out to see the hanns.

neither adam or carly say anything until you and matty have sat back down - adam's like "so... is everything alright?", and matty smiles like "more than alright, mate". you lift baby hann onto your lap again and say "can i tell you a secret, sweetheart, that you can't mention to anybody except mummy and daddy and uncle matty and me?", and when he nods very seriously you grin and say "in a few months, you'll have another baby cousin". he's literally just like "ok" lmao, but his parents react quite accordingly with gasps and hugs and tears - matty warns them that you can't tell anyone else yet, because you're not at 12 weeks, but it's lovely to be able to share the happy moment with them.

that said, you like it best when you and matty are left alone again. you've both got shit to do today, so you have to get ready instead of going back to bed and cuddling for the rest of the day as you wish you could, but matty pulls you into the shower with him so he can keep kissing you and get ready simultaneously. it's not a sexy shower, but it's perhaps the most intimate one you've ever had; matty kneels so you can wash his hair, and he presses a long kiss to your stomach, before looking up at you and saying "i know i've said it already, but i'm so excited to do this with you. we're going to be more than alright, us and our baby. we'll be great".

you know he's right.

<3

[youremyheaven]

hello! i hope you've been in good health <3

i'm uncertain about how valid this is, since it might just be me being biased as a heavily mercury dominant person, but i think people come with this already made perception of negativity about mercurial energy.

don't get me wrong— i won't say ashlesha is never manipulative or that jyestha can't be toxic or that revatis can't be trickesters.

but listening to people talk just makes me think that most of them have an automatic setting— mercury=bad, and to believe otherwise, they need proof, solid evidence.

and logic goes somewhat like this—when you have an already biased opinion, you look for ways to prove yourself instead of maintaining neutrality and looking at all aspects. and considering how illusory and unstable mercury natives are, they give less shits about how you perceive them and this somewhat just reinforces the previous belief.

i believe mercury demands time to understand and get used to. if i may, (ngl, i'm kinda nervous about how serious this will be taken considering how much some of y'all hate mercury natives?? like it's genuinely scaring me at this rate like chill out😭) i'd like to share my own perspective of people and how they view me!

[ i have an ardra rising; ashlesha moon, mercury and ketu; mercury in tight conjunction with pushya sun (3 degrees) and tight conjunction with ashlesha moon (3 degrees) ]

first of all, i do not relate with the fact that mercury dominants are out of the world clever or smth, because i'm not. simple as that; in fact i look at others and go like, damn, that was some clever ass shit they just did and try to learn from that.

of course, there's a limit to what extent i apply that😂i don't look at toxic people and go like, 'oh yeah, that's a very cool way of gaslighting somebody...' no, not like that.

more like, 'oh. so they took that from me by making me nervous and putting me in the spotlight. maybe i can do that to take my stuff back too, then.'

secondly, i don't relate with the man stealer thing and being competitive with other women either? like women solidarity? i don't get it tbh; i don't even understand where it comes from. i even have some ashlesha native friends and they're all just as chill about this; in fact i don't even see them around men lmao

i used to be in this friend circle of three girls (two venus doms and one ketu dom) and trust me, i've never hated another girl the way i ended up hating these three. they always made me feel like i was being tore apart and examined, and felt judged all the time. i did stuff for them, never got anything except laughter in return and always felt pathetic. i never even felt a proper part of that group either, because they were always trying to avoid me when it came to the fun part of things. like i was disposable.

anyways!

one thing i wanna highlight here though—i easily get uncomfortable around men. and even the nice ones, i mean. my friends are all girls, and i would never trust a man, it's almost obsessive at this point. 🤦‍♀️

yeah, one thing i definitely want to say is that i do gaslight when i'm caught doing something wrong, or something i was trying to hide ngl. i'm trying to work on it, but it's hard to avoid this tendency. it's like i'm running away from what is my own responsibility; i'm trying to stop this tendency, but it's been there as long as i can recall.

anyway, here's my pov, if anybody gives a shit.

but i really want to call everybody out here—just because you have bad experience with somebody of a certain placement, doesn't give you the rights to claim the entire nakshatra/planetary nature as being 'bad'; what if i define bad as something else? does that make saturn dominants as bad people? or maybe mars or venus dominant people as bad? no! because your experiences of good and bad are as valid as mine! putting forth your opinion is one thing; and out rightly claiming it as correct or incorrect based on a personal view, is, (surprise, surprise!) wrong.

anyways, thank if you end up reading this! have a lovely day/night, love! <3

even Moon dominants weren't this triggered after a 2 part post where i cited Nazis and fascists as examples lol

people are going to have their own opinions and perceive naks and planets as bad or good based on their experiences, I have repeated throughout the many asks i received that any nak can manifest in good and bad ways but ok

i highly suggest you don't read anything on this blog for a little bit because you're taking this too personally

[flowerflowerflo]

𖹭𓂃 ࣪˖ saying no

something ive struggled with for pretty much my entire life 😭

𐙚๋࣭ people pleasing:

a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process.

trouble with saying no to people often comes from insecurity. when you feel bullied into things or backed into a corner too often it can lead to agreeing with everything and anything just so people will like you.

1. take small steps

getting out of habits like this are not easy whatsoever and take lots of time. taking small steps to implement getting rid of people pleasing tendencies is the best way to go about this; for example, just blocking someone who bothers you and starting from there.

2. fake it till you make it !

confidence is something absolutely essential but not easy to attain; thats where this skill comes in handy. ive been doing this since i was little and i wont lie and say it melts into real confidence because it doesnt, its just a shield to hide behind until your are genuinely confident and id definitely recommend this 100% to anybody starting or struggling to try and break this habit. act like youre fine & unaffected in front of the people who put you in this position even if you arent. dont show your weaknesses when you know they can be used against you.

3. valuing yourself

value yourself over all else. you are the most important person in your life. validate, support, and value yourself. trust your judgement is right and prioritise the protection of your peace above all else because that is the most important thing.

4. body language

ok as a girl with an incredibly infuriating tendency to turn red over the tiniest thing i feel a little bit of a hypocrite writing this but this is very very very important. if you find yourself in a position where you feel unable to refuse something or anything of the sort you do not show that.

🩰 ─ even if your cheeks turn red act like they arent. ik its sosoosos embarrassing n ur screaming inside but act like its nothing. bcs it is nothing. ok so theres a tiny bit of colour in your cheeks. and? stand your ground.

🧸── back straight, shoulders high, face blank. you dont show anything on your face. show you are completely stubborn and set on your choice/opinion.

🎀 ── if they try to embarrass you or say smth what i do is i literally just blink at them like okay. i dont care. do whatever bro idgaf

5. no hesitation

for the love of god do not second guess yourself. if something makes you upset or uncomfy or anxious or anything like that you leave them you walk away from them you block them you do not second guess yourself and think "but what if" no idc. if it costs you your peace its too expensive.

6. does this help me?

ok obviously when i say to say no i dont mean to like everything. only to the things you do anyway even if you dont want to. if youre not sure what to do when faced with the option to do something you ideally wouldnt really want to the first question you should be asking yourself is "does this help me?" think of it only from your perspective and how it would help you. ask yourself if its really necessary and if its serving you in any way to do this. if its just to fit in with someone else even if you dont really want to then do it then dont do it. why isnt your own presence enough? your peace is the only priority you should have here. what would you tell someone you love in your position? think about it for a sec instead of panicking.

conclusion; people pleasing is useless. you are the centre of ur universe. your peace is the only priority. people are stupid. you can do this. dont let anyone make you feel less than you are. i love u 🫶🩷

[curioussubjects]

in which i revisit black market and it's worse somehow

for reasons even i find elusive, i read the transcript for rdm's podcast episode on "black market" (i know i know), but i really do appreciate the spirit behind this particular pod episode. i just. it's just. y'all....you cannot make this stuff up:

"there is no socioeconomic structure beyond the Rag Tag Fleet. There's no government. There's no social system. There's no nothing. Other than these particular ships. Isn't everything black market? Isn't everything to be bartered?" there's so much going on here. like. what do you mean there's no government or social system. the fleet literally has an executive and legislative branch. the executive literally has an enforcement arm through the military. ron please. 😭😭 the idea there's no social system is also bizarre when there's no indication the colonial social system wasn't reproduced down to caprican hegemony. also love the implication that the presence of a barter system nearly if not completely equates to the existence of a black market. that's. that-. hm. what i do think is interesting here though is that a black market existing isn't actually, imo, a foregone conclusion. that it exists at all suggests: 1. there seems to be no enforcement of the rule of law, 2. no regulation of trade, and 3. the government isn't adequately meeting the needs of the fleet with supply distribution.

sometimes i remember rdm has a polisci degree and i want to jump into a river.

but anyway, some of this stuff is discussed in the writer's room and all i can think about is how in the world did anybody think a topic this huge could fit into one standard episode of television. a lot of the bulk could be done in one episode, but you'd be returning to this as subplots and background commentary in future episodes.

"I was really disappointed in the show and myself and what we had done and didn't feel like the episode really had anything going for it." yeah man no fucking shit. you can't build a story out of vibes alone 😭

"You never quite get at the satisfaction of truly having gone through a plot that you had no idea where it was gonna go and you're shocked where it ended up. And you're not really sitting back and going, "My God. Lee Adama is nothing like I thought he was." It just doesn't- it falls in between. It's classically standing on the two chairs and falling in between both of them." the problem you're having is that you never connect what's going on with the black market plot with what's going on with lee. there's no line there beyond right place right time. clearly there's an ethical issue here in that lee is complicit with the black market. THAT'S what's interesting. our ethical center character, who values justice and the law is complicit in something that is happening outside of legal purview and also harms and exploits people. and then culminates with lee doing some light extrajudicial killing. but we never sit with any of it. much less see it play out in future episodes.

which is why this following bit kills me : "Tigh and Ellen and Ellen's involvement in the black market and she's getting things for Tigh, who is a senior officer in Galactica. There's a whiff of corruption here and what does it mean? We're not gonna- we don't take the easy way out. Tigh isn't shocked at what his wife is doing and promises never to do it again. He understands what she's doing. There is an implication that, "Who knows what else Ellen Tigh is doing with Commander Fisk?" I'm not sure that's a picture I want in my mind, but, ok. And Lee is also a bit dirty in this scene. Lee is also engaged in things that are probably not that above-board. There's an implication that Lee helped get the medicine for the little girl and probably went outside official channels. And it's a personal, emotional, confrontation with people with conflicted and conflicting motivations." THAT'S THE EPISODE! RIGHT THERE! YOU HAD IT!

the episode is about ethics, a government failing its people, and complacency. you want an episode of television without having to make a mini arc out of it? those are your themes.

then there's the clusterfuck that is the gianne/shevon/dee portion of the episode, which makes no gd sense AND HERE'S WHY LMAO: "It's not really getting to a place where we're explaining, or at least hinting, or making you think about what is the nature of the relationship between Dualla and Lee. Why is Lee interested in her and vice versa? What does it mean to him as a character? We had conversations in the writers' room that dealt with things like, "Well, Lee's got the girl he left behind on Caprica, he's seeing the prostitute, and then there's Dualla." So there's the classic- there's three women in Lee's life. One dead, two not. What does Dualla represent in that? What is- what is Dualla to Lee in juxtaposition to the dead woman and to the hooker with the little girl? Is she the hope? Is she the future? Is she something more realistic? Is the hooker the hope? There's a lot of ways you can just sit and talk about it endlessly about what it all represents, and it was all fascinating conversation. Unfortunately it just doesn't quite sync-in to what we have. You don't ever- you never quite get to a place where you're rooting for Lee and Dualla. I think that's might be the central problem with it. You're never quite rooting for her."

truly mysterious why this doesn't work rdm. boggles the mind.

he offers no explanation as to why it doesn't work, btw, it's all just "???"

we're not rooting for dee because lee doesn't actually want her. just like he didn't actually want gianne.

meanwhile shevon is the epitome of lee playing it safe. he's obviously lonely and in need of talking to someone, and having emotional and physical intimacy. he wants it without the possibility of being too vulnerable or hurting someone else when he runs. through shevon we understand some of the reasons why lee left gianne. through his relationship with shevon and gianne, we can begin to see what might underlie lee's budding relationship with dee.

and then perhaps we remember lee's behavior during the miniseries. and then maybe we watch scar next and a couple more things become clear.

we're not rooting for dee because we're rooting for someone else entirely. (kara. it's kara.)

i am in the tantrum hole.

"we're playing that Zarek needs to tell Lee about Phelan and about this ship out there where you can get anything you want that's the hub or the nexus of the black market. And yet everybody else seems to know about it. It's clearly the place where all this activity is going, but somehow Lee needs to be told by Zarek that it even exists, which tends to undercut Lee's role as an investigator and the procedural aspect starts to feel a bit weak because you feel like he should've- Lee should've known all that on his own and again, it's an element that doesn't work"

OR it could be something about complacency, a failure in governance, and how out much the Galactica is actually a bubble. very interesting concept for lee who feels disconnected after RS2.

it's not that lee's obliviousness doesn't work, it's that he has the privilege of not needing to think about it. he could even already be seeing shevon and thinking it's all above board like it was back in the colonies, not realizing there's a criminal enterprise going on that is exploiting desperate people.

what happens when lee does learn about how bad it is out there in the fleet?

that's your episode set up.

"When Lee shoots him, you should feel that he shoots him because, "Oh my God! I'm realizing that he is like Bill Duke and oh! Woah! I'm like shocked. And that's- I don't know how I feel about Lee, but I'm really surprised because he's more like Bill Duke than I thought." I don't think the show really says that. I don't think we've accomplished that mission. And that should have been the mission here, is if you're going to predicate a whole show on this concept, about this central confrontation it should pay off that idea." that should not have been the mission there omfg. lee shoots this man because he's doing fucked up shit. the shocking moment isn't that lee is like the bad guy, the shocking thing is that mr. articles of colonization did an extrajudicial killing. he executed a man without due process.

the question here is: is lee more like his father and laura roslin than he'd like to admit? if so, what is he going to do about it?

and btw, is lee like his father completely ties back to a possible reason why he runs from gianne: he saw himself marrying a woman he got pregnant, thus repeating the story of his parents. and it doesn't need to be 1:1 exactly, but there are too many similarities for his comfort. so he runs.

and another theme: lee doing what he knows is the right thing to do vs. lee doing what he thinks is the Right thing to do. and to what extent does lee hide behind duty because he's scared of going after what he wants. (and oh look at that we're back to kara)

this scene is interesting because lee does something he felt in the moment to be right (and he does it on impulse, which is another bit of tension with his character in other episodes), but he also acted against his ethical code. what are the effects of that? how does lee grapple with that? WE JUST DON'T KNOW

i am still in the tantrum hole.

"I think if I had to sum up what's wrong with this episode in my opinion, it's that this time we went for a much more tv, conventional tale and execution." narrator: that's not what was wrong with the episode. "So again it's a grab bag of things we're trying to do." narrator: that's more like it.

incredible podcast though it's like 10/10 reflection 0/10 insight. showrunner of all time this guy.

[quiveringdeer]

i have sent anon asks usually abt bertholdt and i am far too scared to actually interact w u so instead i am going to timidly ask if i can be 🪷 anon 😭😭 and send u this bertholdt ask im abt to send right now LOL sorry 🙁😭 my adhd has taken the best of me and my brain can’t go any further than “wow opposite attract 😃” in this fic im writing abt savior goddess oc x god of destruction bertholdt where OC is a titan shifter and her titan is praised to be the saving grace of her homeland while bertholdt’s infamous CT is known as the god of destruction; they are both used as tools for the gain of power, OC being seen as a savior and bertholdts titans main purpose is to destroy - including OC’s titan homeland. back when the warriors first receive their titans, one of their first missions is to attack OC’s homeland, which puts this border between OC and RBA + Marcel but especially bertholdt since they’re the closest which is evident throughout the whole story; they are no longer comrades/best friends, they are enemies - this is the first realization OC has at just 11 years old when she witnesses bertholdt, who has fully mastered the CT at just 11 years old, blowing up her homeland; one day, she’ll go to marley and do the same, for her homeland. anyways OC is sent to paradis bc Marley doesn’t want her homeland gaining any power with her titan and like I stated before, there is a clear border between OC + RBAM, they do not talk, they do not interact with each other, they only talk when it is necessary. OC is very determined to gain liberation and embraces her role as a god. Bertholdt is very passive and meek about his role as the god of destruction. Although OC is very determined about her role as the saving grace for her homeland, OC knows she is not fit for the role, even if she is full of determination and will and comparing this to Bertholdt, who knows he is fit for the role because someone has to get blood on their hands and he would rather it be him than anybody else. So OC may have more of a spine, Bertholdt has more of an understanding of what it is to be labeled a “god”. so essentially, the relationship between OC and Bertholdt is savior and destruction, bertholdt is bound to destroy the world around him and OC is bound to save this world. Bertholdt is the forest fire and OC is the seed thst grows out of it. They are interconnected, no matter how much they’ve grown apart, one cannot exist without the other. Bertholdt will always seek to be saved and OC will always save him. anyways my question is, since I really really like the way you write, how do I write or better the connection (both romantic and non-romantic) between OC and Bert? i want it to be deep and full of meaning and angst and toxicity but everything I write is very surface level :(

IM SORRY ITS SO LONG!!! I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO BE THIS LONG!! :O

😲 First off!

Please don't be intimidated by me!!! I am but a ridiculous being who spends entirely too much time fantasizing about fiction worlds and characters ☺️ But you can totally be 🪷 nonnie!

Also, I'm so honored you'd write me like this since I feel like I so rarely post legit writing here. It means so much that you think so highly of my works!

Okay, now for my commentary, which may not be the best cause it's late but I didn't wanna wait to respond cause I might forget

I really dig this idea! I'm seeing some similarities with ideas I've had clunkin around my head about other nations outside the continent and Paradis, having been blessed with the power of titans but maintaining and utilizing them in a less power hungry way than Eldia did. And thus keeping them under wraps throughout the wars and all that-outside keeping their communities safe.

I guess to begin I want to pose a couple questions that may turn this into a way bigger fic scope than you want it to be so feel free to ignore!:

with OC being from a different homeland (so not Marley) how does she grow up and initially befriend Bertie and the crew?

In the same vein, how does Marley possess the power to send her to Paradis? Is it as an exile?

Why does OC not feel fit for her role? She seems pretty damn fit for it to me with your description of her embracing the role to gain liberation for her people /and herself from exile?

I think it may be difficult to really build a more solid, deep connection between OC and Bertie if the rift happens so early on in their lives. Perhaps, they aren't aware that Marley is planning to use the others to destroy OCs homeland? Maybe initially they broker a deal to help train OC to better wield their titan in order to be a proper protector for their homeland. In reality Marley is wanting her beneath their thumb as another power seat in their own pocket. Her bonding with Bertholdt and the others just helps solidify this piece and so they have he accompany the crew on the Paradis mission to further prove her/her homelands allegiance to the Empire of Marley?

So then they have those extra years to grow closer and such and get to an age where romantic feelings could be sparked due to puberty and such. It could be more canon divergent from there, in that they return (maybe victorious over Paradis even) and Marley decides after that successful mission, that wiping out/conquering OC's homeland will put them into an even greater seat of power among the nations?

[cydhouseofgryffindor]

I posted 8,387 times in 2022

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I tagged 192 of my posts in 2022

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#mayans mc - 19 posts

#ez reyes - 14 posts

#angel reyes - 13 posts

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Longest Tag: 93 characters

#wow i’ve always been fascinated by houses with greenery but i’ve never seen the seasons shift

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Mayans Spoilers

Episode 8

Chile EZ no longer in the building…like that man is completely gone! Is it bad that I’m kinda turned on by it? 🙃

Louisa does not need to be anybodys mom…not rn at least…she needs to do some major healing. But Angel is such a cute daddy omg 🥺 I wonder why he hasn’t said anything to Felipe or EZ about the baby.

Angel semi trying to be there for EZ is adorable. He’s not that good at it probably because he always felt he never had a support system

They just ok Nails girl bye lmaoo

I’m sick of Emily like why? Just why?

Felipe is just heartbroken all the way around and it’s breaking my heart

Miguel can’t catch a break lmao

Taza giving Bish the same attitude now and I am all the way here for it.

Jess girl should’ve just minded her damn business because now look at her ass smh

24 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#4

It still think it’s hilarious that JD plays the younger brother and he’s older than Clayton lmaoo

26 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#3

Mayans spoilers

This shit is out of control chile!

I was so conflicted when EZ and Manny (idk his characters name yet) were fighting 😭

Gilly is forever about that action lmaoo

Angel and Nails? No just fuckin no. She is not built for this life. Her trying to stop him from going after his brother pissed me off so bad…even though I know it’ll hurt Angel I really hope the baby ain’t his because I can’t take much of her and all her crying. Like idk why they’re forcing this…mans literally dreads having to go home and then deleting his other baby’s pic? Ion like that. At least he isn’t sleeping in jeans anymore though.

I thought we were going to get two whole episodes without Emily but…

Bish has officially lost it…idk mans needs a hug and therapy

While I’m happy Manny has a neck tattoo (they knew) that shit is so ugly lmao like wth?!

They did not have to make me think they killed Angel..I was about to turn the whole show off and never watch again

EZ with that fake ass beard had me crying lmaoo but I’m happy we get to see more of his time in prison

The time jump was weird though..like why?

Letty needs to relax like foreal

EZ also needs a whoopin for many things but do not ignore my father in law like that sir! Also that big ass dog in that little ass trailer?

Taza just seemed out of it man…he’s battling his demons like shit

I’m guessing we’re going to get a lot of flash backs? Because they didn’t explain some shit within those 4 months. I mean was coco punished or anything? Or they just said fuck it. I’m so happy he’s clean again thought but he needs to let Hope go.

This man from jail is gonna set EZ on a rampage I feel like…

I’m excited for this season though

27 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#2

Mayans Spoilers

Episode 6

Manny is back!!!! Been waiting on boo and he’s ready to tear some shit up!

So like I know Angel is the bad boy, fuck boy and everything else but them making him sleep with Letty? I feel like he really never would’ve done that. That’s so fucked and messy and her ass better not be pregnant! He shouldn’t have been the one to go anyways

Gilly was really the only one visibly upset about Coco and I don’t appreciate that at all

I hope something actually happens with EZ and that girl. Especially since Emily is on his line again. Can she just go to jail or something?

Miguel coming out of hiding? 👀 I wonder who he called. Where is Nester? 👀

Once they showed Luisa finding her baby I knew they were going to make Nails lose hers. Which is fucked up. But she can go ahead and take that ring off because we all know…

I don’t like that they made Angel lose another child though and papa Reyes was excited about having a grandchild.

Also what is papa Reyes doing? Is he moving like what’s going on? Did I miss something?

I guess we’re going to war 🙃

29 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My chest 😩😭

216 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[borathae]

SIBIII CH34🥺🥺

I MEAN WE KNEW YG WAS COMING BACK... BUT DAMN SOMEBODY ELSE HAS RETURNED! N IM LOVING THIS ONE AS WELL!!😭😚

I THINK IT MAY BE RISKY N EVEN DUMB TO SOME BUT TO ME THE WAY OC STRAIGHT UP TELLS JK THAT FK IT IM NOT SCARED OF U JUST RELAX IS SUCH A GREAT THING... IT MAKES ME SO PROUD.🥺🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

MAYBE IM READING INTO THINGS BUT SIB, LISTEN-

YG licking her wound off also symbolises his return... he is here to protect her, but he is also gentle about her, uk in animal kingdom licking is a gesture of care but simaltaneously showing whats theirs... its like marking territory?😂 But anyways THIS MOMENT WAS TOO INTIMATE TO ME... THE WAY THEY HUGGED AND

I missed you😭😭😭😭😭😭

IF ONE THING HAS REMAINED CONSTANT THRU YEARS OF YGS LIFE IS HIS RESILIENCE... if he decides one thing.. he does it... he decided he ll be more communicative(is this a word?🤔) and he did that! YG IS ALWAYS IN A MENTAL WORKOUT N TBH I DONT THINK ANYBODY ELSE CUD DO IT THAT GUD🤗

Yup he IS still grumpy!😭😂

Yoongi Boongie😂😂😭😭😭😭 OC🤗🤗

When YG growled at first i was like TOO MUCH ... NONONO BACK OFF ITS OK EVERYTHING IS OKKK

BUT THEN😳

YES YG WE LOVE U🤗😚

THE KISS😳✨😭😭

HIM SAYING SHE IS BEAUTIFUL😳✨😭

Tell me what you think SOMETIMES IT HITS ME HOW U R GRADUALLY CHANGING MY TYPE OF MEN I LIKE... NOW I LIKE GRUMPY BUT SOFTIE VAMPIRE BOYS... N GUESS WHAT SIBI!!!!?!?!?!?!?! THEY DONT EXIST🙂

UGH ITS OK OC IS LEARNING TOO.... ITS HARD FOR HER TOO... I dont want to bring myself in btw but sib uk im so tired of the entire dating-crush culture, i deliberately pushed away the only one person i felt anything for after 2-3 yrs... someone who pulled me out of my anxiety and self harm phase... just cuz its hard for me to see them giving their 100% to me while i always fail to keep up as im too busy trying to deal wid my fucked up head, i cant keep hurting them while they keep trying to stop making me hurt so much all the time... so i meant WE CANT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT TAKES TO HAVE 3 PPL WHO MEAN SO MUCH TO YOU... AND KEEP GIVING UR BEST TO ALL... AND ON TOP OF IT THEM BEING VAMPS N ALL THE BACKSTORY... ITS NOT EASY.

HE IS FINALLY SPEAKING HIS HEART OUT... N I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.✨✨💓

THE ENDING OF THIS CH😭😭😭😭😭

SIB I HV MAJOR ISSUES WID LETTING GO THINGS I LIKE... I CANT GIVE OUT A TSHIRT I GOT WHEN I WAS 13 THAT DOESNT EVEN FIT ME CUZ I FEEL IT HAS MEMORIES... I CANT LET GO OF A RANDOM PENCIL CUZ IT HAS MEMORIES😂... YA IM A BIT OF A FREAK AND IHV NEVER BEEN SO ATTACHED TO A STORY BEFORE... N SA IS ENDING. ITS A LIL TOO MUCH FOR ME RN SO IM JUST IGNORING IT... ILL LET ALL OF IT HIT ME AT ONCE WHEN THE LAST CH COMES OUT... TILL THEN ... IM LOVING EVERYTHING U R BRINGING TO US... IHV SAID THIS BEFORE ILL SAY IT AGAIN... I ADORE YOU.💜💜💜

-The Yelling Anon

TO ME THE WAY OC STRAIGHT UP TELLS JK THAT FK IT IM NOT SCARED OF U JUST RELAX IS SUCH A GREAT THING... IT MAKES ME SO PROUD.🥺🙌🏻

Okay but it is!! 😔😔

No but like I totally get you about the licking part. I wouldn't say that this was Yoongi marking her as his' and more an honest symbol of "I am back and you're finally safe again. I promise as long as I am here you are safe. You won't find no harm through me" and honestly this is ripping me apart :(

Tell me what you think SOMETIMES IT HITS ME HOW U R GRADUALLY CHANGING MY TYPE OF MEN I LIKE... NOW I LIKE GRUMPY BUT SOFTIE VAMPIRE BOYS... N GUESS WHAT SIBI!!!!?!?!?!?!?! THEY DONT EXIST🙂

HAHAHAH THIS IS ME @ MYSELF IN THE MIRROR like bitch please chill we all know that irl men aren't like that HAHAHAHAH although yoongi does give off major "written by a woman" vibes sO 😩

just cuz its hard for me to see them giving their 100% to me while i always fail to keep up as im too busy trying to deal wid my fucked up head, i cant keep hurting them while they keep trying to stop making me hurt so much all the time

Sometimes you have to remember that a burden is something that was forced upon your shoulders. And if you do, then remember that this person chose to shoulder your struggles, which means you can't be a burden to them.

And also pulling away from a person hurts them a lot too. Especially when they are left with "holy fuck I actually loved them a 100% and even that wasn't enough to keep someone in my life. what's seriously wrong with me and my personality?" that shit fucks someone up.

Which is also really interesting because you also said that you can't let things go. Dropping people comes easy but letting go of an inanimate object is difficult, very interesting 🤔👀

This wasn't me throwing shade btw just us doing our little phsych analysis HAHAHAH I FEEL YOU THOUGH I SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT SANGUIS ALPHA TO END :( IT HURTS ME :( 😭💜