#anyways i was scrolling through the taylor swift tag today

[cuntyhunty22]

Guilty as sin : chapter 1

Summery : you move home after being gone for years.. you are trying to adjust to life back home after dealing with heartbreak. You didn't know to heal a heart it would take two people who happen to be brothers.

Word count: tbh I'm unsure.. but ITS A LONG ONE. (I should have broke it up part 2 is already almost finished)

This will be multiple parts let me know if you want tagged.

Pairing : Joel!dbf x reader : Tommy x reader

Tags : age gap , SMUT , language, love triangle, cream-pie (be smart about that) , oral:f:receiving, oral:m:receiving , fingering, squirt, daddy use (once) Dom Joel , slight sub Joel . (I am sure I'm missing things but you get it. )

Reader is a mess.. but we love her 🫶🏼

Music recs : guilty as sin : Taylor swift

Francesca : hozier

Love you tonight : Ella Langley

Somebody else : the 1975

Delicate : Taylor swift

Love song : Lana del Rey

For the past three years you have been studying abroad. England, Spain, Norway. Pretty much anywhere you could go to travel and learn you did. Now you are home for the summer...

The sun beams into your childhood bedroom followed by the sound of a lawn mower. You groan into your pillow, still very much jet lagged. You have been trying to get yourself back on to this time schedule. You lay there for a moment before finally giving in and getting up. You throw on a pair of little boxer shorts and a tiny cami then you head downstairs. You pop your headphones in as that's apart of your morning routine. It's always a good day when you start with music. You start a pot of coffee dancing around the kitchen, then you open the refrigerator rummaging through looking for coffee creamer. Your dad prefers his coffee black but he always has some stashed for you. Your favorite, French vanilla. You're practically bent over in the fridge searching when you finally find it. You back up quickly running your back into what felt like a brick wall. Strong Hands touch your waist just to push you forward. You spin around to see your dad's best friend standing there... Joel miller.

"Mornin kiddo how are ya."

You still have your headphones in as you stare at him bewildered. embarrassed.. kind off.

"Huh sorry.. was listening to music."

You crack a smile. He stands in front of you, a few feet taller. That teeshirt hugging him just right. Tan skin, dark brown eyes....

You snap out of it realizing you were staring.

"You kids and your technology. I asked how are ya..?"Joel scoffs annoyed that you weren't paying attention. He's always been kind of a grumpy man.

"Jet lagged, I made coffee if you want some." You gesture to the coffee pot In the corner like he hasn't been in Your house a billion times. You dont know what's gotten into you but he's making you nervous. He looks different... a good different.

Your dad enters the kitchen sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Morning honey, I see Joel came in and said hello. Told him earlier you were home... Oh you made coffee! Wonderful."Your dad smiles ear to ear.

He has really missed you. As of now his house is completely empty. You have been abroad and your baby sister has moved to teach less fortunate children.

"He did, and yeah couldn't relax between the bright sun and the loud ass lawn mower..." you let out a yawn.

You peek over to see Joel looking at you.. your legs mainly. Afraid you caught him, his head snaps in the opposite direction.

"Ah yeah sorry honey should have thought about that. Supposed to get super hot today so Joel and I here, were trying to get some yard work finished before it's unbearable out."Your dad sipping on his coffee, scrolling through his phone.. on espn probably.

"I have to go to aunt dollys wedding rehearsal later anyway.. and the pre wedding party is tonight. Thought about hitting the mall for some clothes."

Joel still standing leaning up against the counter.

"Joel you gotta go to that too dontcha? you're like Randy's best man.?"

You look at him waiting for him to respond to you.

"Yeah I'll be there."

His grip on the coffee cup tightens as you walk past him to sit down at the table.

"Joel could you drive her? I gotta go pick up her sister from the airport would be just easier." Your dad asks.

You look over at him, your eyes glisten in the sun. Joel has driven you places tons of times. Between movies with Sarah his daughter or high school football games when he'd scare the boys away.

Sarah and you are about 4 years apart.

"Yeah- yeah uh I can. S'not a problem." Joel shrugs.

"Lovely we can catch up. Dad I'm gonna try to nap, respond to a few emails, see you later.. love you."

You kiss your dad's head, leaving Joel with a smile before grabbing your cup of coffee and heading to your bedroom.

•

Once you are upstairs you lay there for a moment. Images of Joel flood your brain... the stubble on his face, his strong features, the slight grey patches in his beard and hair. You roll over groaning not knowing why this is why you are thinking about. You blame it on jet lag. You pop open your laptop, doing your daily scroll. There is something you have been avoiding but you gave in. You typed in your exs name..

He was one of the reasons you even moved abroad. You had met him here in college. You fell in love and he convinced you to move to England. Things were great they really were, but you both just became busy with life. Eventually you agreed to take time away.. that's been about 10 months now. You guess he's been dating someone but you haven't spoken to one another. Just some things you have heard. You have really just been focusing on yourself.

His profile popped up.. he's currently on vacation in Greece (a place he has always promised to take you )

You click through the posted pictures and there is one of your old roommate from London.. Then it hits you.. that's why you havent heard from her.. why she has ghosted you.

That's who he has been dating.

You scoff

"fuckin asshat." You mumble to yourself.

You slam the laptop shut. Pop your head phones in, and shut your eyes... you relax a bit.. dozing off..

"Oh Joel.. yess right there.."

Joel has your tiny boxer shorts pulled down, as you are bent over on the kitchen table nails digging into the wood as he fucks you.. he fucks you hard.. harder than your ex ever did..

"You look so pretty taking my cock darlin' "

"I'm gonna -"

You shoot up from your bed, shaking.

You look around realizing you fell asleep. Then you realized what you were dreaming about. Your core aching from some fucked up joke your unconscious mind was playing on you. You absolutely can not be horny for your dad's best friend.

But what if you were...

•

You try to shake off the feelings or whatever the hell was going on in your brain. Trying to run from that, your focus has now become on your ex. Honestly it fucking hurts. You didn't know if you even wanted your ex back but it was the point of being lied to. Being ghosted by someone you called a friend, and even more so your ex always swore to be your friend above everything else.

You decided to skip the mall and just wear something you already had. You knew you wanted something to show off your legs because as hard as you were trying to ignore whatever what was going on you couldn't.

You picked out a cream lace baby doll dress, paired with some cowboy boots. You curled your long hair, makeup pretty natural but glowy, paired with some Glossy lips.

It was about 4:30 now, the rehearsal is at 5:30. If you know Joel miller.. you know he's gonna be early.

•

4:45 his truck pulls up with a honk. You make your way outside, Joel hops out to open your door. This wasn't a new thing it was just how he was.. how he always has been.. but for some reason today it hit a bit different.

"Thanks Joel, you don't have too I can get it." You give him a smile.

"Absolutely not darlin, it's a man's thing to do.. what boys over there have no manners? " He lets out a cocky chuckle

You couldn't tell if he was being an asshole or actually just joking trying to start a conversation. You didn't respond because honestly it wasn't something you wanted to talk about. You stayed quiet for the first few minutes of the drive. Joel could tell something was wrong.

"You gonna talk darlin, or we just gonna sit In silence.. you act like I'm some stranger."

He looks over at you, his side profile being illuminated by the golden hour light. Those thoughts from earlier creep in. His eyes trail over you, from your eyes, down your body, like he's taking in every part of you.

"Yeah sorry. Um just tired is all..."

"You've always been a terrible liar you know that.." he looks over at you.

"I have not." You roll your eyes.

"You have, I knew you were lying when you took Sarah to those house parties and I had to come get you... when you snuck to Dallas to see some boy.. when I also had to rescue you because you said you were staying at my house and you didn't want your ol man finding out."

"Sounds like you are sayin you have a habit of saving me.." you scoff.

He just looks at you like he's trying to figure out if he's looking at the girl he's watched grow up, or the woman that she now is. Just like that you arrive to the venue. Joel comes around letting you out, he grabs your hand to help you hop out of his truck. Just the touch of his hand sends shockwaves to your body.

His big rough calloused hands, how tiny yours looked next to his. Joel and you walk side by side into the building. You are greeted with hugs and hellos from people you haven't seen in years. As you are doing your mingling you can't help but watch Joel. How easily his presence is known, how cool and collected he always has been, and there it is.. that look to you. For even just a second that cool and collected fades and you see something else.

You continue mingling waiting for dolly and Randy to get things started. Your Aunt dolly comes running over as soon as she laid eyes on you.

"Oh my darling girl, how are you.. how's London boy." She kisses your cheek.

"Hi auntie, um well-"

You notice Joel is in earshot now.

"Well dolly men across the pond are just as bad as men here." You crack a smile.

"Awww honey you just need a good ol Texas man..like your daddy, Randy or even Joel."

You choke, making yourself cough.

"Sorry tickle In my throat."

You look over at Joel, acting like he's not listening but you think you saw a slight smile.

She brings you in for another hug before going back over to her wedding planner. More people file in, your sister has arrived, Tommy Joel's brother.. and Sheila. Sheila is dollys best friend but she's also had the biggest crush on Joel for years.

•

"Okay everyone, let's get started.. I have each groomsman paired with a bridesmaid.."

Dolly names people off the list.. and you just had this feeling she'd pair Joel with Sheila. Maybe you with Tommy, you two have always been really cool, he's handsome. softer than Joel. Dolly surprisingly does the opposite.

"My darlin.. you are with mr Joel miller here.."

you both look at one another.

Sheila comes over, she's never been your biggest fan. "Honey how about you go with Tommy.. I know yall are close.. he's more your age.. more your speed. Joel clenches his jaw.

You look at her and a laugh slips from your lips.

"Jesus Sheila can't give it up can ya.. no I'm cool with being with Joel thanks though"

You give her a cocky smirk as you link your arm with Joel's.

She glares at you as she stomps away.

"Guess t'was your turn to save me." Joel smiles and you both laugh. You gently pull your arm away from him as you left it linger there for a moment maybe a moment too long.

"Glad to be of service, she sure hasn't changed..."

"Yeah.. but you have.."

Joel looks at you, you cock your head not really knowing what he meant by that.

The wedding music blasts through the building bringing him back to what actually was going on. Rehearsal went well, Joel is your partner for all the wedding duties, walking down the isle, and going into the reception together. For some reason you think maybe just maybe life is trying to tell you something...

•

rehearsal ends.

Everyone is getting ready to head to the local bar for the before wedding party. You were overstimulated by everything so you decided to walk outside and get some air. You walk over by Joel's truck to find Tommy with a flask in hand.

"Hey buddy.. you wanna share.?"

You smile as he brings you into a hug.

"Hey sweetheart.. how's things.. been a long time.."

You take a swig from the flask making you gag...

"Fucking hell Tommy what is that.. but um

Im fine I guess, im back home, dont really know what im doing with my life but ya know.."

You take another swig, handing it back to him.

"Does anyone know what they want to do with life? I went to the army but here I am been back here for a minute now. You got a boyfriend still?" Tommy takes a drink from the flask.

Your eyes get wide choking again , either on that question or the burn of whatever poison Tommy is drinking.

"No ... no I don't Tommy... please don't tell me you're hitting on me..."

Tommy gives you a smirk.. the same smirk Joel has but softer..

"No.. I wasn't trying to.. but I mean.."

He trails off with a laugh

(He definitely was )

"was just checking in on ya sweetheart. your ol man tells us about you, but that's something he wasn't sure about, he was actually kind of worried about you...have you told him?

"Tommy miller giving me an intervention who would have fucking thought ... no.. now pass me the flask." You give him a little punch on the arm.

You take another big swig when you notice Sheila and Joel walking out together.

"Fucking gross..." you gag.

"What the whiskey.. come on girl that's what you grew up on , what the England bloke made you soft..?"

"No that.." your eyes shift over to Joel and Tommy cackles.

"Yeah she won't ever let it go.. pass the flask it's gonna be a long night."

You stand there for a bit with Tommy until Joel comes over. You are already feeling a buzz but you needed it.

"Little brother, you taking care of our girl while I was gone." Joel comes over putting himself between you and Tommy. He looks you up and down the same way he has been doing all day.

"I'm spectacular Mr miller, let's go to the bar..."

Joel looks at the flask,, to you, then to Tommy.

"Jesus Tommy. Seriously."

"Hey don't yell at him. I'm an adult.. I can do what I want and what I wanted was to drink with Tommy so drive me to the bar Joel." You stumble a bit, Joel grabbing your arm helping you into the truck.

Tommy closes the door walking over to his truck. Joel pulls out, he's silent. You shift in your seat to look at him leaning forward on the middle console your face inches away from his.

"What are you doin.." Joel's voice gruff.

"Nothing... just thinking.." you keep staring at him.. you want to touch him so bad.. but you won't... Then suddenly you do..

You run your hand through his curls then down his jaw. His face falling into your touch. Joel lets out a little moan, followed by a cough trying to make it seem like nothing.

"I'm thinkin you shouldn't be drinkin with my brother..."

You laugh at him.

"Why not Joel? I'm not a child. And for fucks sake it was Tommy. What are you jealous?"

(Bingo that's it.)

You scoff annoyed at him. "Don't see me yelling at you for walking out with Sheila. Maybe we should switch then. At least Tommy cares to talk to me about how I am today.. and how I have been.. you just wanna "save me" lecture me. You wanna act like you haven't been looking at me all night, how you just melted under my touch.."

Joel grips the steering wheel.

"Fine we will switch then, and I did try earlier. You been actin weird with me. And don't even start that.. don't put that out there.."

•

Joel parks in the lot for the bar. You don't wait for him to open your door. You hop out and make a bee line for the bar door. You are met with the group consisting of your sister, your dad, Tommy, dolly, Randy, Sheila and some of the rest of the wedding party. Joel trails behind you.

"My beautiful daughter." Your dad hugs you. " Miller you taking care of her.?"

"F'course." Joel looks at you as you walk in to the building. You head straight for the bar, Tommy by your side.

"Tommy I'm getting drunk, you tell your grumpy ass brother to leave me the fuck alone."

"Can't do that sweetheart.. you know Joel."

"Fuck Joel."

Tommy chuckles

(You really wish you could)

•

For the first half of the night it's just conversation with the group. Reminiscing about everything, you tell stories from your time abroad, trying avoiding the topic of London boy. Which eventually comes out, you just state you are separated but are on good terms. No need for all the details. Eventually your dad and sister head out. So does dolly and Randy. So that left you, Tommy, Sheila and Joel.

By this time the bar is packed. People dancing, wall to wall. Tommy has bought your drinks all night, taking shot after shot after shot.

"So you gon tell me what happened? Separation or whatever.. I know you. You ain't ever this quiet."

Tommy touches your hand and you pull away..

"Sorry didn't mean" he looks at you with puppy dog eyes.

You smile.

It is nice to feel wanted, or hell even just paid attention to.

" it's okay.. um.. well here look.."

You show him London boys Facebook. You are now seeing that there is a new post. He and your old friend are now engaged. You explain everything else practically in tears..

"That's a lot darlin, you deserve better. forgive me for being forward I can't help but be curious, but are you interested in anyone else.?" His drawl even more silky with the whiskey he's consumed. You let out a laugh because if anything he's persistent.

"Honestly Tommy.. I'm not sure.. I mean kind of but it's I don't even know. Plus now finding the engagement out.. it's just.. it's a lot.."

You don't know really it's just stolen glances, curiosity and the forbidden line of it. Now adding the underlying emotions of your ex being engaged to someone that's not you.. after years of thinking it would be.

He hands you another shot.

"Think this is needed." His hand on your shoulder massaging it gently.

As you take the shot you notice Sheila hugging up on Joel in the corner. You don't know why this affected you the way it has but you decided to take matters into your own hand. Knowing what you were about to do and how it would play out.

"Tommy. Let's dance"

•

You slam the shot back with ease as Tommy grabs you by the hand leading you into the sea of people. the bass of the music fills your ears. The alcohol fills your veins and rage fills your soul. You wrap your arms around Tommy's neck as you both dance to the beat of the music, his hands carefully trailing down your body as you sway back and forth. You look up and Joel is watching. Eyes dark. jaw locked.

Tommy swings you around your back now against him. His arm wrapped around your waist as you grind on him to the music. You feel the cold of his belt buckle through the sheer lace of your dress his bulge in his jeans stiff on your ass. His hands run through your hair as he lays a gentle kiss on the top of your shoulder making you shiver. The song switches and you decided you needed to use the restroom. You told Tommy you'd meet him back at the bar.

•

You walk down the dark hall way hearing heavy steps echo behind you. You don't look back. You open the door to the single bathroom, as you go to shut the door it was stoped by a boot shoving himself into the bathroom with you.

His big hands to your face, lips crashing to yours in an instant. Hungry kisses that consume one another his tongue invaded your mouth mixing with yours, the taste of cigarettes, mint and whiskey. He shoves your body against the wall hard as His lips trail down your jaw. Trailing down your neck. His hands cupping your breasts through your dress.

"Joel-" you whine.

"Shut up." His breath heavy as His hands reach under your dress, a hard grip on your thigh making you whimper.

"Fuck that sweet little sound." He growls.

"Joel-" you say in a whisper.

"I said shut up, what are you doin. You say that shit in the truck. Messing with my head then you come in here dancin like a whore on Tommy."

You shove him off you. Tears in your eyes.

"How fucking dare you. Do you even know what's wrong with me!? Have you been listening at all tonight Joel.. what happened in England.. that my ex is ENGAGED to my roommate.. now you wanna talk about what was said in the fucking truck.. or the fact that I dreamt about you today. That your the only thing I have thought about since this morning.."

Joel steps back looking you up and down. His jaw clinches as he's trying to find the words to speak. You step forward closing the space between, your hands run through his hair like you did earlier, his hand goes to the back of your neck tilting you up to look at him. His eyes dark and focused as he leans into you . Your lips grazing, his heavy breath shaking.

"This is..." joel trails off, as he plays with a strand of your hair.. "this is playing a dangerous game."

"Shut up and fuck me Mr miller." It was ballsy of you to say but fuck it.

Joel's hands immediately back under your dress. He gently rubs his fingers over the thin material of your panties covering your heat.

"Baby.. these are soaked.." his body pressing against yours, lips right in your ear.

"Yeah-" you throw your head back arching more towards him.

He does this again, but he rubs circles on your clit through your panties soaking them even more. Joel then hooks your panties with his fingers moving them to the side.

He dips one finger into your wetness, letting out a groan as he does. He pulls his finger out sticking it in his mouth sucking off your arousal. You let out a breathy moan watching him do that turning you on even more

"Fuck, you taste good.. tell me something darlin.."

His voice dark and sultry.

"Yeah Joel."

He reaches back down, inserting one finger into your cunt, already tightening on him.

"Who's got you this fucking wet... me.. or my brother...?"

It was filthy.. so fucking filthy.. filthy and forbidden.

"You.." you stifle a scream as Joel thrusts another finger into you.

"Yeah.. you sure baby... seen you grind that ass on him.. his hands on your body..his lips on your shoulder.."

Joel thrusts his fingers faster into you, you're already so close to your climax.

"You.. it's always been you ..ah fuck yes.. I touched myself to the thought of you this morning.. "

Joel freezes.

"You dirty girl.. horny for your old man's best friend.. cumming to the thought of me.. while you toy with my brother.."

he pumps a few more times before pulling his fingers out leaving you empty.

You whimper at the ache that's still there.

Joel kisses down your neck.

"What the fuck Joel." You look at him annoyed.

"You don't get to cum unless I say.. or unless I make you.." he smirks turning walking out of the bathroom. You stand there for a second trying to comprehend what just happened.

•

You go back out into the bar Joel is now standing by Tommy, Sheila there as well.

"There ya are sweetheart thought you got lost or kidnapped." Tommy smiles at you. You look over at Joel, his eyes focused on you and what your response was going to be.

"Yeah sorry just needed a minute." You fidget, not knowing what to do or say now.. because Tommy is great.. he always has been. So sweet so kind. Still rugged. But Joel.. Joel was mysterious, rugged, dominant , something that was deeper than what's on the surface.

Sheila proceeds to move herself between you and Joel, practically shoving you. You had enough of her and her antics. To be honest you were just fucking mad period. Mad at your ex, mad at your old roommate, mad at Joel.. mad you didn't cum on Joel's fingers, mad Joel didn't let you cum..mad that oddly you kinda wanna take Tommy up on his offer.. mad that whatever you are feeling for Joel won't let you try with Tommy. And fucking mad at Sheila for not taking a hint and just being a cunt.

You put your beer on the edge of the bar and "accidentally" spill it on her. She shrieks, looking at you pissed.

"What the hell was that.! Joel look what she did to me!"

Joel and Tommy trying not to laugh.

"Oops sorry maybe you need to learn personal space and that wouldn't happen."

You shrug as She rolls her eyes.

"You really ain't special ya know, you're back here because he broke up with you.. and I see what you're doing here.. she looks back and forth between Tommy and Joel. You are just a whore, like your momma, makes sense why your daddy left her."

Your fists are balled up as you go to step forward when you are pushed back by Tommy and picked up taken out of the bar by Joel..

•

Joel puts you on your two feet outside in the parking lot.

You look at him, tears in your eyes..

"Please don't..." you plead.

He looks at you as Tommy comes out the door, both of them just staring.

"I'm gonna take her home.. she is my responsibility tonight, I'm gonna make sure she gets back." Joel looking at Tommy.

"Sounds good big brother.. see you tomorrow." Tommy and Joel hug.

"Hey.. text me later okay.. if you want to talk anything.." Tommy touches your face wiping away a tear before he brings you into a tight hug. His hands didn't linger, didn't go anywhere they shouldn't have, he just hugged you.

"Okay.. bye Tommy thank you."

"Not a problem sweetheart. Get home safe"

Joel and you walk to his truck.. nothing was said but you could feel his emotions. He opens your door this time you don't argue, you take his hand as he helps you in. He starts the truck and just sits there for a moment.

"She's wrong ya know.. and m'sorry for what I said earlier.. that probably didn't help." Joel shifts his seat turning to look at you. You're fumbling with your fingers something you have always done when you're anxious. You jump when he grabs your hand, holding it tight, his calloused thumb rubbing little circles as He brings it up to his lips laying a soft kiss on it.

"Look at me." Joel's voice low but stern.

"Am I allowed to cry?" You look up at him face covered in your tears.

No hesitation he kisses you, really kisses you. Not the lust filled ones earlier, this one has some feeling behind it. You pull away.

"We can't.. it's too much.. I have too much-"

Ignoring you he kisses you again,

Messy top lip kiss. Pulling you over into the drivers seat putting you right on his lap. Your legs stratal him, his arms wrapped around you pulling you in closer and closer. You feel him under you, you feel yourself throbbing but you knew it wasn't the time nor the place. You give in to him, you let the kisses get deeper. You let him touch every part of you. You needed to feel something. Out of the corner of your eye you see Sheila walking out of the bar. You quickly hop back into the passenger seat, your dress basically falling off, your face flushed. Joel confused until he spots Sheila.

"Take me to your place." You say to Joel.

•

Drive there was quiet, his hand was on your thigh the entire time, occasionally you'd catch him staring at you, and you staring at him. In a way you knew that this was a bad idea, but you also knew it felt too right to not.. but then you had a lingering feeling of Tommy.. how free you felt earlier, how much he cared about you and how you felt. Your thoughts interrupted by your door opening.

"Sarah gone?" You ask.

"Yeah.. she will be back in the mornin for the wedding.."

"Okay."

Joel opens the door, and you are hit with countless memories. Cookouts, game nights, the night when you were 19 when a boy touched you appropriately you when he shouldn't have.. Joel threatening to kill him.. that night you witnessed how much Joel cared for you. Then again when you were 21.. sitting on his couch having a drink, the night you first really seen how attractive Joel was.. the same night he realized you grew up.

"You want comfy clothes, m'sure Sarah has somethin or you can wear somethin of mine.."

The thought of being in Joel's clothes was something you weren't sure you were ready for.. but it was something you now craved..

"A flannel would be nice, maybe some sweat pants."

A few moments later Joel has said things in hand.

"I don't gotta tell ya where the bathroom is. You already know."

You leave him with a smile. Walking down the same hall you have many times but this is different.. You change your clothes leaving your dress hanging on the door. You walk out to the living room Joel sitting there, legs spread, he looks huge. He looks like you want to climb him like a tree. Not saying a word you walk over standing in front of him. Lowering yourself onto him, legs on each side, the same position you were in the truck.

"Hi" you say.

"Hello" Joel's hands on your hips.

You lean into him, you just wanted to feel consumed by him. You rest your head on his shoulder as he tightens his arms around you.

"You wanna talk.?" Joel brushes your hair behind your ear.

"I don't know Joel. I don't even know where to begin."

"Mhmm. How bout you just say the first thing you think of and we go from there."

His thumb runs across your cheek.

"Well..right now.." you lay soft kisses down his jaw moving down his neck till you reach a sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder, making him him moan, shifting beneath you. "Right now I want to talk about that.. (you lay another kiss on him) I want to talk about how that makes you feel.. (and another kiss on his neck) how knowing I fucked myself so hard to the thought of you.." you nudge your hips forward applying a little pressure feeling him get stiff. "I want to talk about how wet I was for you earlier.."

Joel growls unbuttoning his flannel you have on exposing your breasts under. Joel curses under his breath as he takes you in.

" you gonna tell me or are you just gonna stare at me like you have all day."

You smirk.

"You're drunk. I can't. You will regret this in the mornin.. this is tricky.. this is..." Joel pulls himself back, you are still on his lap.

"Are you fucking serious... was I drunk this morning... was I drunk in the truck.. no I was tipsy maybe but not drunk. I can recall every fucking word I said. God damn it Joel. I'll just call Tommy." You hop off his lap turning to go to the bathroom to grab your dress and boots. You knew you shouldn't have said that, but you did.

•

"Fuck it" he grabs the back of your neck spinning you around kissing you. His hands pushing the flannel off your body, Joel picks you up putting you back on the couch. Kissing down your body, every single inch.

"Your family is gonna kill me."

His hands sliding into the waist band of the sweats pulling them down.

"Open your legs and don't fucking move."

You sink down into the couch spreading yourself wide open, your cunt glistening with arousal. Joel gets on his knees kneeling below you. Two fingers spread your folds open.

"Fuck look at this, this pretty mess. You do as I say. Ya hear me."

"Yes" you shake under his touch, he hasn't even done anything yet and you feel like you could combust. "Please" you whine.

"Please what.. use your words." Joel holding your thighs open digging his fingers into your skin, his mouth inches away from your cunt.

"Fuck- me." This came out more of a plead than anything.

Joel lets out a sadistic chuckle.

"You're getting my mouth baby girl because you can't handle the rest. But this should take care of ya."

Before you could respond Joel's thick heavy tongue swipes up your cunt, he repeats this a few times up and down as you buck your hips. Craving for more, grinding on his face. Each time you buck forward Joel digs his fingers into your thighs harder and harder. You know it's gonna bruise but you don't even care. You've had men eat you out but not like this..

"Oh my god Joel.. fuck that feels .. fuck so good."

You tangle your fingers in his curls, pulling his face in even more to your heat.

Joel now focuses on your clit. Flicking his tongue over it, getting you right where he wants you. Shaking under him, he sucks on your bud.

"Hmm you taste so fucking good, so fucking sweet." You see black as he thrusts two fingers inside curling hitting that squishy little spot that will send you over the edge. You look down at Joel, seeing him peeking his big brown eyes up from your cunt as he sucks on you thrusting his fingers steady in and out.

"Joel- please.."

You feel yourself clinch on him, you know you are close but you don't want it to end.

"Don't stop, please don't stop."

Joel lets out an animal like growl as you squirt all over him.

"You filthy little girl, your soakin me baby, look at that.... you want more.?"

"Yes.. yes please more I'm.. ah fuck I'm close Joel.."

He picks up the pace, his fingers fuck your cunt fast and deep. You can't even think, can't even speak besides his name and moans.

"That's it.. yes.. good girl... almost there baby come for me.. you can do it.. I want you too.."

The climax fills you, white hot and hard your whole body quivers as you squirt everywhere again. You lay your head back panting.

"Joel." Your voice barely there.

"Yeah darlin."

You lift your head up, all fucked out but eyes still screaming for more. You shimmy off the couch on to your knees opening your mouth. He moves to you towering over top, he unzips his jeans, pulling down his boxers his long, girthy rock hard cock falls out and it's even bigger than you thought. Your eyes widen.

"You sure you can handle this...I don't think you can."

He's now pissing you off.

"Make me take it then."

Nothing more needed to be said. Your mouth wide open his hands on both sides of your head as he thrusts his cock slowly into your mouth. Starting off little by little he slides into your mouth, you swirl and flick your tongue across his tip making him buck his his hips shoving his cock into your mouth deeper.. harder.. Joel picks up his pace slamming in and out, hitting the back of your throat, choking on it covering your pretty face with spit.

"Jesus Christ, look at you.. look at you swallowing my cock like that... fuck... "

Joel's grip on your face tightened as he thrusted faster, fucking your throat in a frenzy. You couldn't breathe but you didn't care. You wanted to prove a point. You wanted to show him how desperate you were for him.

"Such a good fucking girl.. my filthy fucking girl.."

Joel thrusts in and out, spit now covering your chest, eyes watering. Hair completely fucked. He pulls out just for a moment, he tilts your chin up to look at him, showing him the mess he has made of you.

"you are beautiful on your knees all fucked out, all ready f'me.."

"Joel." You whimper, panting still trying to catch your breath. "I want you to cum."

No warning , no nothing he slams himself back into your throat. You choke.

"I decide on that baby.. haven't you learned."

Joel uses your throat. Rough and hard something about it has your body taking over by this ache again. You wiggle under him spreading your legs a bit more. Your hands trace down your body finding your wetness. You whimper against his cock, between the sensation of him using your throat how he wants, and now the slight pressure you applied to yourself knowing that just this morning this was all a fantasy to you. Joel notices your noticeable whimpering, when he sees you touching yourself he freezes. Cock hard just laying in your mouth.

"Is that how you did it this morning.. thinking about me.. you can't get enough can you.. needy little girl.. did I give you permission to touch yourself?" Joel taunts.

You look up at him, eyes wide as you bob your head up and down. Sucking the tip as it touches your lips. You knew he's probably gonna punish you for this but maybe you wanted that. You bob harder shoving his whole length in your mouth , choking on it you circle your clit harder. Joel takes a handful of your hair pulling you back to look at him.

"You want me to fuck you so badly don't you darlin.. you have been such a good girl... I'm not fucking you but I will cum in that mouth. And maybe just maybe I'll make you cum again... open your mouth.. tongue out."

Joel slaps his cock on your tongue, he rubs it on your lips before a hard thrust into your mouth.

"Go on .. show me how you did it.. how you played with your self.."

Joel fucked your mouth long hard thrusts, each time you circle your clit making you jerk he'd shove his cock deeper into your mouth.

"Fuck get up, lay down on the couch and spread your legs."

You do as you are told. Joel stays standing in front of you. Fist full of his cock stroking it. Your pupils wide, as you take the sight of this in. He was beautiful. Completely naked in front of you. His tan body toned from years of contracting, his salt n pepper curls now a mess.

"Go on.. show me.." Joel grunts.

You spread wide, your fingers trail up and down, rubbing all the sensitive spots, you take two fingers and apply all the pressure to your clit, your body shakes as you do. It does feel good but it wasn't like Joel.

"Yeah that's it.. is that how you did it earlier.. did you moan my name in your bedroom. Your dad in earshot.."

"Yes.. ah yes I did.."

"Do it again.." he demanded.

Joel follows your pace, you feel your climax building but you wanted to touch Joel, you needed to touch him. You insert two fingers in feeling how he stretched you out earlier just from his fingers. Your core is hot, you feel it coming.

"Joel- Joel - I need you.. need to touch."

Joel moves to you, you reach up wrapping your hand around his cock taking over stroking him as you play with yourself.

"Fuck ... fuckk.. keeping doin that darlin."

The touch of him is what you needed your body was like a woman possessed with how hard that orgasm hit you. You lay limp still stroking Joel. He's gotten so hard, you can feel his pulse , every twitch with every stroke.

"Open your mouth."

Joel moves your hand taking over as you open for him. He gives two hard pumps as he spills all over your tongue, his cum dripping down your lips down your chin.

"You gonna swallow for me?"

You nod your head. Swallowing it all. Joel collapses on to the couch next to you. Silence for a moment, but not a bad silence. More of taking in the events that just happened. His hands grip your thigh as you look at him.

buzz * buzz * buzz

Your phone ringing.

The clock lights up it's 4:45 in the morning and Tommy is calling you.

Joel's gaze hardens, his grip tenses. You stare at the phone letting it ring. It's like you were on a different planet and now you're back to reality.

"Um I should go home.." you stand up getting off the couch naked you walk to the bathroom to grab your dress. Joel follows.

"You know you can just sleep here.. we gotta be at the venue early would just make sense.." Joel stands in the doorway of the bathroom. "You're actin weird again.."

You stare at yourself in the mirror. How fucked he had you. How much of a mess.

"If I stay here.. I'm sleeping in your bed.. you think you could handle that.. is that crossing a line we shouldn't.."

Your fingers trace down his bare chest. Soft groan leaves Joel's mouth. "Didn't think so.. so I'm going home.. I can walk it's just a few blocks.. could use the air."

You slip back on the sweats and flannel saying fuck the dress.

"I'll get these back to you.. see you later? Unless you still want to switch and be with Sheila.?" You smirk at him.

"Yeah I'll see ya. Can you at least tell me when you made it home... I wish you'd let me just drive ya s'not a problem."

"I'm fine Joel. I need to clear my head okay.. I can take care of me."

He closes the space between the two of you. His hand cupping your face as you melt into his touch.

"Promise me you don't regret this.. whatever this was.." he looks at you. Conflicted expression.

"I don't, no regrets at all. Go to bed old man."

He leans in to kiss you, it was sweet, but there was also a smidge of desperation behind it.

•

You leave Joel's, the sky in that in between of night and dawn. The air has a chill, and it's what you needed.

*buzz buzz*

Your phone vibrates as your screen lights up with both the names of Joel and Tommy miller...

"Fuck what am I doin." You mumble.

You reach your house. It's still quiet. No one is up yet but your dad would be soon. The back door was open so you went in that way. You knew you needed to sleep but you couldn't. Your body high on the orgasms Joel gave you, your mind in a billion different directions with conflicting feelings.

You decided to take a shower, wash off the negativity. You peel off Joel's clothes sliding into the warm water. Little bruises on your body are starting to show, your thighs are marked. A slight pink one on your shoulder. That one would need covered. In a way you loved them. It was a reminder that he was there. You do a quick wash, as you get out of the shower your phone buzz's again.. this time dolly..

"Fucckkkkk"

* darlin I am sorry about Sheila.. she was out of line but so were you. I don't want to have to deal with drama on my wedding day so I'd appreciate that if you do switch with her.. it's easier.

You throw your phone down on to the counter. Normally this would be just whatever. You'd just go be with Tommy.. but you can't. You can't shake proving a point. You screenshot the text sending it to Joel. Replying to his other text asking if you made it home.

He replies

Joel miller • not happenin. You are on my arms all night. Gotta keep you away from my brother.

You • stop it. But you are right. Not happenin. Need my savior in case I need Savin. Maybe fuck me in the church bathroom.

Joel • filthy. Go to sleep. Need to be pretty for me later.

You were feeling bold so you sent a picture, your body wet, the bruises visible.

Joel • Jesus.

You go to check your other texts

Tommy miller • sweet girl hope you made it home safe.. had a great night with you. Save me a dance tomorrow?

You • hey! Yes it was fun. I came home and passed out. And of course.!

Tommy : Sheila texted me. Says you are with me now?

You • yeah dolly said somethin.. but no I'm not letting her have her way.. nothing against you Tommy.. you've got me to Dance with all night. <3

Buzz

Joel: if I marked up your body like that can you imagine what I'll do to that pretty tight little cunt.

You shriek at the thought.

You • filthy. Go to bed. Or maybe come show me then.. sure my dad wouldn't mind you coming over at dawn.

Joel • yeah hearin his daughter scream his best friend's name.. this is a conversation for later. Get some sleep.

You crawl into bed setting an alarm.

Sleep came somewhat easy until..

*

"It's okay to want both of us." Joel looks at you as he sets you down on his cock taking it all in as Tommy comes in front of you, rubbing his cock on your lips...

*

"What the actual fuck."

•

You slept for maybe 2 hours. You had a time schedule today and you didn't wanna give dolly another reason to be pissed at you.

You had to meet the wedding party at the venue for the reception first. That's where everyone was getting ready. Before you left you put some foundation and powder on that little red mark that now has a purple tint to it. You threw a bag together with the things you would need for the day.

Buzz buzz

You glance down your phone going crazy.

Sister - 3 texts

Tommy - 2 texts

Dolly - 4 texts

You ignore all their names searching for his.. and nothing..

you made your way downstairs, you dad sitting in his recliner.

"Hey babydoll, what time did ya make it back.?"

Shit you thought.

"It was late.. um.. you talk to dolly.. ?"

Your dad walks over to you hugging you.

"Yeah baby doll, just let it go.. do what she needs you to do.."

You look at him, stone expression.

"No.. no dad I won't.. why the hell did you think I left here in the first place.. I'm not a fucking child."

He looks at you. Hurt.

"Not what I meant... wait.. is that Joel's flannel.?"

Fuckkkkkkkkk

"Ah yeah, it was late I was upset... he let me vent to him for a few.. I passed out and walked home."

(It wasn't a complete lie)

"Okay just figured you were with Tommy. You two seemed pretty chummy. But good glad Joel took care of ya."

"Yup took great care of me... okay dad see ya later love ya."

"Love ya too kid."

Your phone rings it's Tommy.

"Sweet girl I'm here to pick you up, Joel said He'd just meet us there.. had to get Sarah."

This kind of annoyed you. He promised he would be here. He made you promise that you didn't regret last night.. but what if he does. Is that why he didn't pick you up.

You walk outside, Tommy standing there his long dark hair pulled back, his tan skin glows in the sunlight. His freckles more noticeable. His wife beater clings on to him, covered by a button down. Tight jeans l, his big ass belt buckle and boots.

"Well you clean up nice."

You smile at him, going in for a hug.

"Nice flannel." Tommy pulls back looking at you.

"Uh yeah not mine... went back to Joel's for a bit.. I needed to vent.. um."

Tommy's expression went from happy to a little confused . "It's fine sweetheart, glad you got to get things off your chest.. Joel can be a good listener when he wants to be." He chuckles.

"Okay.. yeah let's forget about all that.. new day.. "

Tommy opens your door helping you in. The miller boys knew how woman deserved to be treated.

The space filled with the hum of the truck and background of the radio.

"Sooo.. have you thought about it.. about going on a date.. I dont wanna over step I know you have alot.. doesn't even have to be a date.. we can just hang out.. I don't know I just feel lighter with you."

Tommy puts his hand on your sensitive thigh, not thinking a moan slips from your mouth.

Tommy's head cocks in curiosity of the little sound you just let out. You didn't know if it was the sensitivity of the marks from Joel or maybe it was the touch of Tommy. He licks his lips staring at you. His grip tightens and you do it again.

"Well that's a sweet little sound." The husky southern drawl in full effect.

You're head spinning because Joel said the same exact thing. This was cut short as you parked into the Venues lot. You couldn't breathe you needed out. Your door swings open fully expecting Tommy to be the one who opened it.. but it was Joel.

•

Your eyes wide like you have seen a ghost. He examined your body language staring into your soul he reaches out his hand pulling you out.

"Hey." Voice thick sweet as honey.

He looks at you again pulling you into a hug his lips linger above your ear. "Ballsy move wearing that.." the flannel falls off your shoulder exposing the little spot covered in foundation not quite your skin tone. Discreetly Joel runs his thumb across it.

"Hi" you finally reply. Looking behind him Tommy watching you.

You were totally fucked.

•

All three of you walk in together, Sheila's head snaps your way seeing you with both brothers . whispering something to one of the other girls. (She's such a slut.) they giggle.

"Can you behave today.?" Joel looks at you, the statement was innocent but the look in his eyes wasn't.

"Nope." You crack a wide smile.

You leave the two men walking back to where the "dressing room" was. You set yourself up in a little corner, not really wanting to be bothered. You do your make up, you opt to curl your long hair in hopes that would cover the tiny mark.

You slip out of your clothes, stepping in to your dress. You couldn't help but feel the eyes on you. Sheila staring as Dolly makes her way over to you...

"Hey darlin girl.."

"Hey" you gruffly reply.

"I fixed things we are good, Joel came to me himself.."

"Great... just tell your bitch of a friend to start away from me. Or I'll finish what I should have done last night.."

"People are just worried hun.."

"About? I'm fine." You pin your hair back trying to stay busy.

"I'm just saying , don't bite off more you can chew.. and don't.."

"Dolly I'm fine. Last night was just a lot, I have a lot going on. Today is about you. Focus on your beautiful wedding."

You hug her hoping that would get her to leave you alone.

•

An hour till ceremony.

*buzz

•Joel miller - saved ya once again.

•you - I know. Thank you.

•Joel miller - you can make it up to me later.

You sit there wandering mind.

*buzz

Tommy miller - can't help to wonder what other parts of you make you let out that sweet little moan.

You contemplate on what you say.. your mind goes to curiosity of how it would be with Tommy. Then to the fact that they are in the same room with one another texting you these things.

•

Half hour

Now it was time to get the bridesmaids and groomsman together. You walk into the hallway your silk gown clinging to your curves. You spot one.. then you spot the other.. both looking straight at you.

You hug Tommy first, his hands tight around your waist.

"You look beautiful." He gently kisses your cheek. This was nothing he's done it before, but this opened your curiosity even more. How gentle and soft his lips were, how they would feel else where.. That was quickly interrupted, by a big hand grabbing yours pulling you to him. Tight hug. His hands replacing the spot Tommy's were. It's like he posses you. You want to collapse under the smallest touches from him. He smells so good. He's wearing a different cologne, but still mixed with the normal intoxicating scent of him.

He speaks softly into your ear so you are the only one to hear him.

"You do look beautiful.. but I know you will look even more beautiful when I make you cum later."

You gasp.

He pushes your hair back, looking down at your shoulder.

It was like no one was there.

"Well you look nice mr miller, it's a shame you have to be paired with her, we would be the hottest ones in there."

Sheila chuckles as she stands next to you. Tommy quickly moving over as well.

"Wow Sheila thanks are you saying I'm the ugly brother." Tommy chuckles.

"She would be blind if that's what she's implying." You smile at Tommy. This statement making Joel clinch his jaw. "I mean any woman would be lucky to have either one of you.. just not you Sheila.. you deserve a cockroach."

She glares at you rolling her eyes.

The music begins meaning it's time. You stand next to Joel as your hand shake. He reaches down linking his hands with yours.

"Easy darlin. It's alright."

He knows your anxiety how you get in situations like this. "I got you."

He rubs his thumb on your little hand, staring at it.

"Joel."

"Yeah honey.?"

You look at him tears filling your eyes.. you don't know what's came over you.

"I -"

You were cut off by the music to enter the church. You hook his arm, his grip tight, he takes his other hand playing with your fingers.

You look over at him smiling.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what darlin.?"

"Calm me down the way you do, but at the same time drive me crazy.?"

You were the last couple to walk down. Joel seen this as an opportunity that he had you alone just for a moment. He swings you around to face him, his hands run down your body, his hands grip your ass as he presses his lips to yours. Kiss was short as he pulled away when it was your que to walk.

"That did the opposite of calming me..."

Joel chuckles.

•

The church was decorated beautifully, you went to your spot in line of the bridesmaids. In the crowd you spot your dad, your sister, and Sarah. The ceremony was tender and heartfelt. Even as much as you were annoyed with dolly she's your aunt and you are so happy that she gets her happy ending. The music plays to exit and your heart skips a beat. Eager to get back to Joel knowing that tonight's going to be a long one with all the family around. You meet in the middle linking your arm through his.

"That was beautiful."You say.

"You're beautiful... I need to get you alone."

You continue walking, trying to finish this conversation before you can't.

"How... Sarah will ride with you.. my family is here.. Tommy.. I'm overwhelmed Joel."

"I don't know. But I'll make it happen... actually maybe we shouldn't.. maybe just take a break from this.. I don't know.." Joel looks at you confused making you go dead silent.

"Fine then we won't." You look at him tears building.

You make it back to the lobby of the church, everyone mingling before it's time to move to the reception. You stand there with Joel, and Tommy. Walking to you is the group of your sister, your dad and Sarah.

"Hey girlllllll" Sarah smiles as she hugs you.

"Hi love, you look great. How are things!"

"Things are good! I'm living in Dallas now. Going to school, visit here when I can.. you know how my dad is.."

You laugh.. "yeahhhh I do..."

"So England.. how was that.? How's your beautiful man with that charming accent."

"Well considering he's engaged to someone that's not me.." you shrug.

"No way, did you tell dad. Let him handle him.. you seeing anyone.?"

You look over, Joel is listening.

"Um I don't know.. kind of.. it's I don't know what it is.. complicated definitely."

"Ohhhh is it... who who" Sarah squeals.

"Can't tell ya." You wink.

Sarah groans. "Ugh that's no fun. I want to know all the gossip."

Tommy comes over putting his arm around both you and Sarah.

"So what are we talking about?" He looks back and forth between the two of you. Joel still lingering talking to your dad.. well sort of just listening to your dad as he listens to your conversation.

"Nothing we were talking about nothing." You give Sarah the look.

Everyone starts leaving the church. You figured you'd catch a ride with your dad.

"Hey sweetie why don't you ride with Tommy. Told some people I could give them a lift."

"Sure dad." You hug him, as Tommy stands waiting. Like clockwork he opens your door and into the truck you go. Parked across is Joel.. and if looks could kill the truck would have been blown to smithereens. Sarah sits in the passenger seat talking as Joel speeds out.

•

This feels all too familiar. Like Deja vu almost.

"Sooo.." Tommy trails off. You turn to look at him, he's inches away. You could feel his breath. He smells of mint and sandlewood.

"Sooo." You smile. Tommy reaches over his hand on your thigh. You shiver under his touch as he moves his hand slowly till he reaches the fabric of your panties.

"This okay?" His drawl heavy and velvet. Lust filled almost.

You nod staring at him. Really realizing how beautiful he was. How gentle.

He doesn't go in he just runs his fingers across where your covered heat is. You whimper because as much as you hate to admit it and as much as it complicates things even more you do feel something.

"Tommy..." you moan. He gently presses his lips to you, warm soft and welcoming. Something about it was so delicate. Tommy's tongue traces your bottom lip asking to enter your mouth, you let him. His hand wrapping around the back of your neck pulling you in closer as his tongue swirls around yours. The grip on the back of your neck was just enough pressure to make you moan into his mouth.

"Fuck I don't think I'd ever get tired of hearing that."

He goes back into kissing you, deepening with every second your lips were on one another. You run your hands down his Chest, he goes to pull you to him and you pull back knowing if you go to him things will escalate to a point you don't know if you can handle at this moment.. it's not that you didn't want too because you kinda did.

At this point everyone has left the parking lot leaving you there.

"Tommy.. we gotta go.." you let out a deep breath as You sit there not knowing how to feel besides that this is fucked all the way up...

and Joel is going to be furious.

•

You reach the reception hall, you both were the last of the wedding party to arrive. Joel's face in a scowl.

"Where the fuck have you been.?" Joel asks his jaw tight, hands balled into a fist.

"Tommy drove. Dad made me ride with him..."

"I know that.." he looks at you not knowing how to feel. You aren't his. He ain't yours. Hell has your dad's best friend. He's Tommy's brother. Sarah's dad.

"Joel.. don't. I don't know what you want me to say.. what you want me to do... thought you just wanted to forget about it today.."

He looks away dead stare on Tommy.

The music plays.

All the pairs enter one by one. No cute finger playing this time. Just a firm lock on your arm.

Entrances end, everyone welcomes In dolly and Randy. You thank god you can attempt to get some space. You walk outside to the edge of the building. Footsteps coming behind you and arms wrap around your waist spinning you around.

"Hey you promised me a dance." Tommy's big brown eyes glimmer.

"I indeed did Tommy miller." You smile. His button up open. His tie still around his neck. His tank top clinging to him. He looks so good. "Give me a minute okay.. just overstimulated. I'll be in soon." He leaves you with a kiss on the check. You stand there for a few minutes more, watching Tommy walk back in noticing a figure in the distance that could only be Joel.

You turn back around facing the road watching as cars go by.. footsteps approaching.

"What the fuck are you doing. You think this is okay. Maybe Sheila was right."

Wide eyed you look at him.

"Joel.... you.. You don't mean that... it's just.. I don't know.. " He scoffs with a laugh.

"You think I'm stupid darlin. How it must feed your ego to have both of us wrapped around your finger... you leave for years then come back and fuck with my head.. hell even Tommy's head.

You roll your eyes

"Do I Joel.. do I really.. you can't touch me in public.. you whisper to me in secret.. Hell Half the time you avoid me or stand in the distance listening to me. You pull me in and then push me away.. you didn't pick me up this morning which led to me think you avoided me or you were regretting last night. then you come here acting like everything is fine.. then it's oh let's forget it all.. you are scared... you are scared that there is something here. Regardless of how messy and complicated.. And maybe Tommy isn't."

You storm past his shoulder checking him.

You rush to the bathroom, your face flooded with tears.

Knock knock

"Hey it's Sarah.. what's going on. You want to let me in?"

You open up, Sarah sliding in.

"Sarah I-" you just sob.

She takes you in to a hug. Petting your head.

"Sarah I'm so Confused ..."

You look up at her. "And I can't tell you I can't tell anyone."

There is a bang on the door.

"Sarah.. it's dad.. everything okay.?"

You couldn't tell him to go away because that would bring up questions.

"Yeah dad we will be out in a second." Sarah calls out.

"Can you ask her if it's okay if I talk to her.? Maybe I could help." She looks at you waiting for your answer.

"Yeah.. yeah fine." You shrug.

Sarah opens the door slipping out as Joel slips in.

He stands there , inches away waiting until Sarah has hopefully gone away. You look at him and just sob.

"C'mere baby I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. this is hard for me too.. I shouldn't have said those things.. shouldn't push you away."

"Joel.. I have to tell you something and you cannot freak out."

His grip around you tightens.

"I swear Joel. You can't... Tommy kissed me.. that's why we were late.. it was just a kiss and he gripped my thigh and they are sensitive because.." (you leave out a bit of information but it was nothing really.. kind of..)

You pull up the dress, the nail marks, with little purple bruises.

"Then I moaned and I didn't mean too but it just.." you were now rambling.

He looks at you and chuckles.

"Joel how is this funny.. and then you were an ass to me saying let's forget things and I can't I can't forget you.. I can't forget last night.. and I'm just fucking I don't know.. I'm fucking confused."

You pull back to look him in the eyes.

"Do you regret last night.?" His voice stern.

"No."

He kisses down your jaw, down your neck.

"Okay. So you won't mind if I do this."

His hand trails up your thighs digging his nails into those already left marks, you moan but he cuts you off with his lips to yours his tongue sliding in invading you.

He pulls away to look at you.

"Did Tommy do it like that.?" He whispers.

Your mouth drops.

"Joel.. don't.."

"Darlin you're mine.. do what you need to do but just know that."

"Joel you can't just say shit like that.." you bark at him.

He opens up the bathroom door walking out not answering you.. You wait a moment and you do the same.

•

The reception was lively. Everyone dancing. You dance mainly with Sarah and Tommy. Just having fun, goofing around like old times. Every now and then Tommy brushes your hand, and in those moments you swear you watch Joel clinch his jaw as he sits with your dad watching. The music switches to a slow song, Sarah gets taken by one of the groomsman,and Tommy stares at you.

"I guess I should keep my promise." You walk towards him , as he pulls you in. Wrapping his arms around your waist, your arms around his neck.

Tommy is warm. Warm like the sun.

His linger above your ear, you sway to the music comfortably.

"This is a change from the other night." You laugh.

"Yeah, good change though. Not sayin havin your body on me in that way wasn't.. this is just.. this is nice.. It's comforting."

You look up at him, his big brown eyes staring like you are the prettiest thing he has ever seen. You push a strand of his dark hair out of his face.

"You are comforting Tommy.. like a light in the darkness of my mind."

He goes to kiss your forehead, when a hand touches his shoulder.

"Little brother.. you mind if I cut in.?" Tommy lets go as Joel takes over.

"She's all yours." Tommy walks away, looking back as Joel grips on your waist.

Your body in shock. As you feel all the eyes in the room on you.

"Ballsy move Mr miller." You nuzzle your head into his shoulder. Maybe a little more comfortable than you should be.

"You said I didn't touch you in public and I was scared.. this is me proving somethin. You've consumed my every thought today. All I have wanted is to touch you in every way. That's why I watch you. Why I listen." you look up at him.. Joel shows his emotions in his eyes, you can tell he really means it.

"You are gonna start lots of rumors..." you smile.

"Not rumors if there is truth behind some of it.."

you notice Tommy in the corner talking to one of the other bridesmaids, everyone seems pre occupied, giving you a moment to do something that's been on your mind all day. You cup his face exactly how you did in the truck, him melting under your touch, you trailed your hand down his body to the top of his belt, you inch your hand to go lower when he grabs your wrist.

he looks down at you, his brown eyes now black.

"Meet me outside.. behind my truck.. 5 minutes."

The song ends you both walk towards the tables. Joel leaves you walking outside. You linger by the door hoping you can sneak out. You wait a few minutes and you bolt outside. Joel's truck is parked in the far side of the lot close to the woods. You walk down looking for him, not seeing him you walk to the opening of the woods when he peeks out from a tree pulling you into the woods.

You let out a shriek followed by his hand over your mouth.

"Quiet."Joel slips his hand under your dress.

"I just want to feel you. How soft, how wet, how warm."

You moan under his hand that's covering your mouth.

Your breath picks up as Joel dips two fingers in. You can't speak all you can do is moan against his hand which unironically is only stifling your moans a bit.

He doesn't take his time with you. It's too risky, he's too full of need. He inserts two fingers in pumping furiously into your wetness. Each pump you tighten on his fingers. Your on body fire. Your legs shaking e it didn't take long for him to know the exact spots on your body that drive you crazy.

"Joel.. Joel.." you manage to speak under his hand.

"Quiet baby"

Joel moved his hand as he does he hooks his fingers making you squeal which was cut off by his lips. For a moment it felt like everything froze and all that mattered was Joel kissing you. Long and hard, so much passion. There was no inviting one another in, his tongue owned yours, his teeth grazing over your bottom lip. It was like he was trying to prove something. Something to you. Something to himself. As much as you were enjoying his fingers this was 10000 better and that's how you knew you were truly fucked. You both pull away Joel moving his hands to hold your face staring at you. it's like a light bulb goes off.

"So what are we gonna do about this?" You ask out of breath. Joel's hands roam your body memorizing every inch of how you feel.

"What do you want." Joel lays sweet kisses on your shoulder.

"You. I want you."

Then we figure it out." Joel kisses your forehead.

You both freeze as footsteps approach quickly putting space between. You hide behind a tree as Joel walks back to the edge of the lot to see who was there. You stay there hidden. You listen in the distance when you hear that sweet silky voice.. Tommy.

•

"Hey big brother, have you seen her? Figured maybe she needed air."

You can't see too much through the trees but you can see just enough to see Joel's whole body tense up. You hated this. You hated that they were brothers. But maybe that's why you liked them so much in a twisted way the things the one didn't have the other one did.

"I haven't seen her, just came out for a smoke."

Joel put his hands on his hips,

The dad pose he does.

"Okay well if you do, just let her know I was looking for her."

"Sure sure.."

Joel walks away. Tommy lights up a cigarette. You lean on the tree debating if there was another way out of these woods. You watch for a bit, watching Tommy's body language, the way he stands, the way his puffs on the cigarette. Your mind wanders back to the conversation you just had with Joel, now these contradicting feelings for Tommy. He walks towards his truck, you inch towards the lot maybe gonna try to sneak out. You make it to the end and there he stands.

(Fuck that's not weird at all.)

"Hey" you smile.

"Hi sweetheart, where have you been.?"

(Shit think of a lie.)

"Um so I thought I seen a raccoon, and I love those guys, I haven't seen one since I been back home they don't have them in England.."

Tommy chuckles.

"Should have told me, I would have gotten it."

"No you would have shot it , Mr sniper man."

"Hey I could have made you one of those hats with the tail. You'd be pretty cute In that."

You laugh. Like really laugh. Something that hasn't happened in a while. Tommy grabs your hand swinging back and forth like teenagers.

"Should probably go back in.." you look at him.

"Yeah we probably should..." he trails off as he pulls you to him.

"Tommy... I.. I'm sorry I'm just overwhelmed.." you back away, his eyes fill with sadness.

"It's fine, I shouldn't come on so strong.."

"No you're fine it's me. I'm just a mess. You are great and sweet and fucking beautiful. I just need to figure my shit out."

"I understand that sweet girl I'm here for you no matter what. You think I'm beautiful?" He does that cheeky smirk.

You look into his pretty brown eyes, and you can't help but smile. It's like your body owns your mind you go in to hug Tommy again, he brings you in and just holds you there. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his tight grip on your waist. You lay your head on his shoulder.

"You are literally sunshine in human form."you whisper in his ear. You look up to see that grin.

Tommy lets you go.

"If I didn't move I was going to kiss you.. and I don't want to overwhelm you even more than you already are.. but just know that. "

You turn walking back into the building. Everyone is still dancing, Joel is back in the corner with your dad talking to some of the others. He's back to watching you, as soon as you entered it's like his body knew. Your body the same way it's like he has a spell on you. A few feet near him and you are done for.

"Hey there you are." Sarah runs over. "Where have you been, everyone's been asking.. Tommy especially what's going on there? Would be kinda weird he's my uncle but I mean.. why not yall would be cute.. and he's a good man.. "she shrugs with a smile

"Nothing, nothing is going on.. he just cares about me, the other night we talked about life... uhhh yeah.. okay... I think I need to go home.. um im gonna call a uber or somethin."

You run to the back grabbing your things. You throw everything into a bag and bolt out the door. You didn't know how but you needed to be anywhere but here. You decided to walk down the road a bit to the gas station.

You : where are you.

Joel miller : sitting here talking to your dad and Tommy. He seems chipper. Anything I need to know. Won't be mad. Where are you.? Haven't seen you in a bit.

You : I left.

Joel miller : where. I'm on my way.

•

You go into the gas station, buying whatever cheap liquor they have. You sit on the curb enjoying being alone just watching people come and go. 20 minutes since Joel's last text. About half the bottle gone now. You scroll through your phone. Ignoring all the incoming calls and texts.

Sarah miller : be safe. If you need to vent just tell me. I'm worried about you. Xoxo

Dad : hey baby girl you alright?

Tommy miller : 🦝

That made you laugh, and then when you looked up your heart felt like it was going explode.

Joel's truck in front of you, he parks it as he gets out.

"You came."

Joel picks you up off the curb. "You needed me. I'm here."

You both were done fighting your feelings, you were done being careful. (For tonight at least.) He pulls you in, hands on your face as his lips consume yours. You moan into his mouth, as his hands travel all over your body.

"Joel-". You manage to say between kisses.

"Take me somewhere, anywhere."

He stops long enough to put you In the truck closing your door. He drives for a bit, down some backroads until he reaches a field he pulls in to. It's dark but you can tell there are wildflowers everywhere, and the lightning bugs are out. He reaches In the back seat grabbing a few blankets he keeps in case of emergencies.

"Come on." He motions. You follow him as he lets down the gate to the bed of the truck. He throws the blankets in there before he helps you up.

You crawl in, Joel squeezing beside you.

"C'mere." He opens his arms

You nuzzle yourself into Joel. You finally let out a breath that you feel like you have been holding in all day.

"I've needed this all day." You say as you curl your self more into Joel.

Joel plays with your hair, letting out a deep breath himself. "I've needed you all day."

You look up at him, no words could say what either one of you were thinking. He leans down pressing his lips to yours. At first it was safe, it was a peck until he realized that you were alone. Completely alone. No one out here for miles. He pulled back just to look at you before he dove right back in. The hunger taking over. Messy kisses, kisses that felt like if you didn't do this now you would never have the chance again. He's taken over your mouth, his tongue all over his teeth graze your bottom lip gently nibbling and sucking on it, you let out a moan you swear people could hear from miles away. He doesn't tell you to be quiet he doesn't put his hand on your mouth he just makes his way kissing down your jaw to your neck. Your breath trembles as you feel his hand slip under your dress, rubbing all the way up your thigh.

You unbuckle his belt, then his pants. You kinda thought he would stop you.. but he didn't instead he pulls off his teeshirt he changed into before he came to get you. His lips find his way back to yours as he unzips your dress, you pull down his jeans his underwear with it. His hands kneed your breasts and he opens your legs getting Between, he hooks his fingers pulling your panties off, you lay naked under him. His hand cups your face as he lines himself up with your entrance.

"You sure bout this." Joel looks you in the eyes, your hips buck impatiently.

"Does it feel like I'm sure, because to me one I've never been wetter and two I have never wanted anyone as bad as I -" Joel cuts you off by one hard thrust into you, followed by 3 more getting your body adjusted to him.

"Fuck Joel, god feels so-"

Joel starts a rhythm, hard, deep , but steady. He wraps his hand around the back of you neck and he leans down, his body pressed on yours, you wrap your legs around pulling him in more making his thrusts hit your cervix, this makes your tighten your legs around him even harder.

"Yes that's it baby, I feel you clinchin on me.. good girl taking it so well."

Joel tangles his fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck pulling your head back, each thrust feels like you could levitate.

"Talk to me baby.. feel good?" Joel grunts as he holds your waist as he thrust in and out, in and out. You stare up eyes glisten high on lust.

"Harder." You choke out.

He pauses for a moment, looking down his thumb traces your bottom lip. Joel's eyes darken. Thunder rumbles, lightning fills the sky. Joel's grip on your waits tightens as he thrusts again one slow deep one before he switches completely. He holds you as he slams in over and over. You are taking every single inch of him. Thunder rumbles again followed by pounding rain. Joel doesn't stop if anything he fucks you harder as the rain comes down.

"Fuck yeah give it to me Joel." You cup his face , just have you done making him melt, making him lose control. You can't think it's just slam after slam inside you.

You stare into his eyes taking it all in. Then it hits you, that fire in your core, clinching tightly on him.

"You gonna cum f'me, did daddy fuck you hard enough."

You loved the filthy side of him, it took you to another level.

He thrusts in and out a few more times

"Mhmm yes.. don't stop... please don't- fuck Joel yes I'm coming.."

Rain is pouring all around you. Joel fucks you through your climax.

"We should get going." Joel sighs, truck bed wet, the blankets soaked, and you both look like you went swimming.

"No" you push Joel to lay down, you move yourself on top of him. Legs on each side straddling His cock still hard. You move your hips up just enough to line him up with you before fall back taking in all of him.

"Holy fuck" Joel curses.

You bounce your hips up and down, steady rhythm taking in all of him with each bounce. Your wet bodies slamming into one another, your wet long hair dripping. The rain comes down harder as Joel sits up wrapping his arms around you as you ride him. You lean back giving that arch to hit deeper.

"Fuckin pretty riding my cock. Clinching down on me already."

Joel lets out a growl as you pick up your pace.

"You gonna cum for me baby." You ask.

Something about that made Joel's demeanor switch. From dominating, to submitting to you.

You sink your hips up and down up and down, his grip tightens on your waist.

"Fuck yes baby ride my cock, just like that. I'm gonna fill you up"

You feel Joel's cock twitch inside of you, followed by his hot cum spilling inside. The rain still pouring, lightning strikes again.

You both hop out of the truck bed, attempting to find your now soaked clothes.

•

Joel cranks the heat in the truck attempting to get dry. His hands stay on some part of you. Your phone keeps buzzing but you just ignore it.

"Is Sarah staying home tonight?"

You look over at Joel.

"Yeah I think so, you want me to drop you home?"

"I left my dress there the other night.. should probably get it before someone sees it and asks questions.."

"Yeah we can go get it, I'll get you dry clothes too. If anything you can stay for a bit. Sure Sarah would like to spend time with you."

You look down getting anxious.

"Yeah I just I just don't know right now... Joel.."

"Yeah baby?"

"We definitely crossed a line.. something we can't take back.. something we can't go back from."

"I know.." he squeezed your thigh, not in a sexual way but in a way that told you that's it's okay.

•

You reach Joel's house, your soaked dress clinging to you. Giggling as you walk in until you freeze. Tommy and Sarah sit on the couch as your dress sits on the table. You all stare at one another waiting for someone to say something.

"So what's going on. Yall okay!?" Tommy asks.

You stand frozen. How are you here. How 20 minutes ago it was Joel just Joel. But now seeing Tommy it's all fuzzy. You look back and forth shaking.

"Got caught in the storm.. hit a back road, got stuck, she left her dress, came to get it before I take her home."

Joel chimes in. Always saving you.

You notice Tommy's body language. How he's quiet.

"Yeah I left it here the other night." You grab the dress off the table, your hands still trembling. "Um I should go..." you motion to the door.

"No stay, I can get you clothes. Come with me." Sarah gets up heading for the stairs and you follow. You make it up to her room and she shuts and locks the door.

"So what's actually going on, and please don't lie to me."

Tag list : @ohhoneypascal @mani-pedro @megangovier @littledes1re @shaunasrabbit @glitterspark @umadirectioner @darknight3904 @thoughtfullypinkgiver @iknowisoundcrazy @gardeniaviolets

[berryispunk]

Insomniacs

pairing: Frankie Morales x f! reader

tags: friends to lovers, insomnia, mental health struggles (ptsd, depression), soft! Frankie, kissing, yearning, swearing, nicknames (hermosa), fluff, idiots in love, no smut, no physical description of reader apart from having hair

summary:  What if you can’t sleep and you call for your best friend to come over and suddenly everything changes ?

word count: 3,1 k

It’s nothing new that you can’t sleep. Dealing with various mental health stuff over the years and chronic pain on top, you should know better. 

You tried every sleeping aid under the sun; meditation, counting sheep, lavender on your pillow and melatonin. Nothing worked, so you started to build your life around it. Midnights became your afternoons to quote Taylor Swift. 

But you were creative, somehow still holding up the hope that it magically gets better or you’ll just get used to it. But it never happened. 

So tonight as the red numbers of your digital alarm clock illuminate your face, mocking you once again, you groan in frustration. You stare at the ceiling, watching the various colored lights of the cityscape dancing around and if you weren’t so damn defeated you would be able to find beauty in this, but you can’t. Not today. You reach for your phone charging on your nightstand and scroll mindlessly through social media. Minutes turn into an hour and you finally sit up in your bed, opening your messages app. It’s 2:30 a.m., who could possibly be awake at this hour? Your international friends? Yeah, for sure. But as you go through your various contacts you stop at one name, smiling to yourself as you press the call button. 

It takes three rings until a familiar deep voice fills your ears. 

“Hello?” the voice murmurs and you immediately feel guilty because you didn’t expect him to have been asleep. His voice sounds exhausted.

“Oh my god. Sorry Frankie, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” you apologize and he chuckles softly at the other end. 

“‘s alright, wasn’t really sleeping just… dozing off. What’s up, hermosa? It’s….” he pauses shortly. “It's, fuck, 2:32 at night. What is going on? Are you alright?” The worry in his voice is palpable and it’s one of the things you admire about him.

“Yeah, it’s the same old insomnia again and I figured why not call the one person that gets my pain?” you say apologetically and you can practically hear his smirk. 

“Us good old insomniacs, huh? Is it your brain or the pain this time?” he asks and you sigh heavily in response. 

“Probably a mix of both…” you sink deeper into your cushion. 

Frankie might be the only person you ever met who understands the struggles that come with lack of sleep. His military background and the resulting nightmares made him an ally in the cruel game that called itself life. The two of you spent countless nights like this, on the phone or texting, watching nonsense over whatever TV channel was on but you’ve never done one thing: late-night meetings. 

You weren’t sure if it was a secret agreement the both of you made that late night meetings were off-limits in all the time you’ve known each other, but tonight something felt different. 

“Hey Frankie?”

“Hm?”

“Why have we never met? At night, when we weren’t able to sleep… I mean, you only live on the other side of the city, not the world.”

The other end stays silent and you think you may have overstepped an up-to-now invisible line by asking. 

Then he clears his throat. “Would you want me to come over? You never asked and I never did, because no way in hell I let you wander alone through the night…” he clarifies and you can’t help but roll your eyes. Of course, ever the gentleman Frankie Morales did not want to risk your safety. 

“Well, what if I’d ask you to come over now?” You hear him swallowing heavily at the other end of line. 

You don’t even know why you’re wanting this all of a sudden, maybe you’ve finally lost your mind. It’s not like there isn’t some underlying tension between the two of you anyway. Mindless flirting and playful teasing is all part of your friendship. 

Frankie is way too trusting for his own good, getting screwed up by his lack of judgement concerning other people and his soft heart, even if he would never let the boys know. They would give him hell about it. But around you he’s let his guard down and you have deep conversations with him about all things going wrong and the few that haven't. He’s one of the few people who know about your troubled youth and strained relationship with your mother. You in turn are one of the few people that know the severity of his PTSD. 

He makes you feel heard like no guy has ever managed to do. He really looks at you when you’re talking and it always makes you feel giddy when he remembers little things you told him a while back. 

You like his attentive nature, but somehow you have never found yourself thinking of him as a potential partner, even if he’s awfully attractive with his broad shoulders and unruly dark curls. His million-watt smile that, if it’s honest, creates little wrinkles around his eyes and makes your own smile widen every damn time in return.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice strained and uncertain. 

“I am,” you say boldly even if you feel anything but.

Fuckin hell, why does your heart beat so fast? 

“Give me 20 minutes,” is the last thing you hear before the line goes dead. 

You immediately jump up from your bed and panic takes over. What were you thinking? What do you even expect to happen when he’s here? Or worse, what if he expects something to happen? No, he would never. It’s Frankie after all, he would’ve had plenty of chances to make approaches but he never has, always keeping a respectful distance. And now you wonder if he only kept it because you made it seem like you weren’t interested in more than a friendship? 

When you first met him, you actually had a little crush on him but held yourself back because you told yourself he was out of your league and he was in a relationship. Then they broke up, but he was in a new one only a few weeks later. It went on like that for a long time until you were taken. Your ex never liked the boys so you kept your distance and the estrangement grew until you broke up with the guy and picked up your friendships where you left off. 

It’s always been so easy to be with Frankie. You could be yourself around him, no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. He saw you in every state: drunk, crying, bed head and pajamas or all dolled-up for another unfulfilling date. He still looked at you the same and it gave you some sort of confidence you’re usually unable to muster. So right now you don’t even think about changing. You stay in your sleep shirt and shorts, no underwear whatsoever, because it doesn’t matter anyway. The only thing you do is brush your teeth and open the messy bun your hair has been in, making it fall loosely over your shoulders.

For a moment you wonder whether he wants anything specific to drink, but as you check your fridge you see that you have plenty of soda and beer - both beverages you know he enjoys. So you sit down on the sofa, only the soft dim light of the standing lamp in the corner illuminating the room and you grow nervous again. Why, you can’t tell. This isn’t different from all the other times you’ve met him, the only difference being it’s late at night. But then you remember the saying ‘nothing good happens after 2 am’ and you get restless all over again until a soft knock on the door announces his arrival. 

With a few quick steps you open the door, but only a crack and Frankie looks at you, tired brown eyes mustering you. He’s smiling as per usual and holds up a plastic bag. “I brought the pretzels you like so much.” 

You open the door all the way to let him in. He’s wearing grey sweatpants, the standard oil cap which has to be glued to his head at this point, and one of his worn-down band shirts. Sometimes you “borrow” one of them when he doesn’t notice. You’re actually wearing one right now. 

“Hi,” you grin as he places the plastic bag on the coffee table. 

“Hi yourself,” he grins back and his eyes wander over your figure for a moment as his smirk widens. “Is that my shirt?” he asks, one eyebrow raised questioningly. 

“Maybe,” you tease back, mirroring his smirk. “You want it back?” 

He shakes his head, lifting his signature cap to run a hand through his curls before he puts it back on. “Nah, looks better on you anyway,” he says and somehow it makes your cheeks turn a bit warmer.

“You want something to drink?” you ask, clearing your throat. 

“Yeah, a beer maybe? But please tell me you’ve got more than the muck from the gas station? Because that tastes like piss,” he complains and you laugh as you walk over to your kitchen, opening the fridge. 

“Well, good for you I have actual beer, some Corona even if you’re feeling fancy.”

“Oh, I feel very fancy, hermosa,” he laughs and leans over the kitchen countertop as you reach for the beer. You feel his gaze on your backside, but decide to say nothing. 

You place the beer on the counter, a soda in your hand, and the noise of it opening echoes loudly through the apartment. He opens his beer with a lighter before he takes the first sip. 

It’s quiet for a moment before you ask, “How’s that girl you were talking about last week? Cindy or what’s her name?”

He shrugs, a lopsided smile on his face. “You’re asking me about my dating life?” 

You frown, tilting the soda can in your hand before answering “Guess so.” 

“Didn’t see her again,” he simply states and something blooms inside of you. Is it relief?

“Ah, okay…” you say, trying not to let your emotions show too much. 

“And… you? How’s that guy you told me about? Jack?”

“Jacob,” you correct, not that it would matter. You met him once and it’s clear that he’s still very much in love with his ex-girlfriend.

“Yeah, Jacob, sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “How is he?”

“Guess he’s fine…I wouldn’t know, as I only went on a date with him once.”

“Oh.” “Oh?” you scoff and he chimes in with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, what else should I say? He didn’t seem like a good match for you.”

“You know, you never said that about any of the guys I dated.”

“They were all losers.”

You raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“Shit, I‘m sorry…” he babbles but your eyebrows are furrowed.

“So tell me who’s a good match for me then?” You glare at him. It’s infuriating that he even thinks he’s allowed to judge you when he clearly isn’t better with all the girls he’s dated in the past. 

“Someone who really cares for you and sees you for who you are. Someone who treats you right and would do anything to make you happy, you know…” He’s fiddling with the label on the beer bottle. You just watch him, too stunned to speak as his words strike a chord. You know he’s right and that makes it hurt even more. 

“Maybe I’m just not made for a relationship,” you sigh as you take another sip of your soda, mimicking his stance by leaning across from him against the counter. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” 

“So what? You’re gonna tell me that there’s someone for me whom I just haven't met yet? That I didn’t search long or hard enough? I am 28, Frankie. I am tired of being in the dating pool. I just want… “ you exhale defeatedly. “I just want someone to come home to and who’s as happy to see me as I am to see him.”

“I am happy to see you,” he says quietly and it makes your heart miss a beat. 

“Yeah, but that’s not the same and you know it.”

“Why not?” he asks back, your eyebrows shooting up as he finally looks up from the bottle in his hand and places it onto the next available surface. “You’re a smart girl, hermosa. Don’t tell me you don’t know?” There’s indignation in his voice.

“Don’t know what?”

With one big step he closes the distance between you, standing so close to you you can clearly smell the last bit of his perfume he’s probably worn during the day and most of all you can smell him. The earthiness, musk and warmth are weirdly comforting as he looks down at you. 

“Do I have to spell it out for you or can you feel it as well?” he murmurs when you finally have the courage to meet his gaze, his eyes dark and searching. 

“Frankie, I–”

Suddenly he’s so close, so all-consuming it makes it hard to think. 

“Tell me you don’t feel it and I stop,” he whispers. You feel his breath on your face and the warm feeling inside your chest spreads further. 

Of course you’ve felt that way before, but you didn’t think too much about it, not wanting to risk this friendship that's so important to you. 

“I won’t,” you croak out and he smirks in response, the cocky smile he always has when he is certain about something. 

“Figured,” he continues before adding, “So tell me, how many of these dickheads do you want to date until you give the one guy a chance that really cares about you?” 

“But.. We are…”

“Friends? Yeah, and I want to be so much more than that to you. Do you really think I would drive through the city at this ungodly hour for just anyone?”

You search for his eyes again, slightly blushing and shaking your head. 

He starts playing with a lock of hair, curling it around his thick fingers which makes you incredibly nervous.

“I woke you up, didn’t I? And now you stand here at 3 in the morning… I feel horrible.”

“Well, I don’t. I’m glad you invited me over. Who needs sleep if I can be with you instead?”

You smile at that. 

“I’m still sorry.”

“No need,” he assures you. “There’s no place I’d rather be right now…” 

And his voice drips with honesty as his eyes lock with yours and the intensity of his gaze paired with his words make your breath hitch. Your eyes flick onto his plush lips which look so much more kissable up close and you bite your own lips. He mirrors the movement and suddenly his big hand rests on your cheek, his thumb caressing your cheek bone as he pulls you a tiny bit closer. You reach for his cheek in return, his patchy stubble tickling your hand and you part your lips as he takes the cue, dips his head and his lips are only a hair's breadth away from yours. 

“Can I kiss you now?” he whispers hoarsely against your lips and you just nod in agreement.

His lips capture yours in a soft, tentative kiss and your stomach does somersaults. You’ve wondered in the past what kissing him would feel like, but nothing could’ve prepared you for this. He knows exactly what he’s doing, his lips moving with purpose without being overbearing. The softness of his lips is a stark contrast to the slight scratch of his stubble against your skin. You practically melt into the kiss and you’re certain that no one has ever kissed you like this, so soft but purposefully determined it makes your head spin.

You tangle your hands in the soft locks on the ape of his neck as you deepen the kiss. He’s parting his lips voluntarily so you can invade his mouth with your tongue as his hand wanders from your cheek into your hair, cradling the back of your head. He presses you against the counter with his body weight as his other hand wanders to your hip, his fingers digging into the tender flesh under his shirt. As your tongues dance feverishly his breathing gets uneven, panting into the kiss and you can’t help but smile softly that he gets so worked up over a kiss. 

“You okay?” you whisper as you part to breathe, your foreheads touching. 

“Yeah,” he breathes “It’s just.. Fuck, I’ve wanted this for so long so I wanna get this right.”

You take his head between your hands, your thumbs stroking his cheeks now. 

“You’re doing everything right, Frankie,” you smile softly and his face lights up.

“Can I maybe take you out on a date first before I ravish you right here in your kitchen?”

You can’t help but laugh at that, an honest laugh not many people are able to elicit from you. 

“I’d love that,” you say softly and nuzzle your nose against his while his thumb draws small circles over your hip where your shirt rode up. 

Suddenly the tiredness comes back to you as you yawn heavily and he creates some distance to be able to look at you. 

“Do I bore you, hermosa?” “No!” you quickly protest. “But I’m tired all of a sudden…”

“No shit, it’s late. Let’s get you into bed, yeah?” 

He takes your hand and leads you to your bedroom where you fall headfirst into the pillow with a groan. 

“Frankie?” you call for him, lifting your head up slightly, his name suddenly sounding so big in the quietness of the night. 

“Yeah?” you hear faint footsteps as if he’s about to leave and the thought makes you sad.

“Would you mind staying?”

It’s deadly quiet for a moment before you hear the rustling of sheets and his weight next to you on the mattress. “Not at all,” he murmurs softly and you scoot closer to him, cuddling into his side as he puts his arm around your shoulders, his chin resting against your head. It feels so natural. It feels like coming home. You yawn and close your eyes again. 

“Thank you,” you murmur softly as your hand rests on his chest. 

“Anytime,” he says and then adds, “And just for the record, her name was Clara.”

“What?” 

“The girl I was on a date with, her name was Clara not Cindy. Not that it’d matter anyway because the only person I go on dates with from now on will be you,” he chuckles softly and you grin widely, even if he can’t see it. 

“Good to know,” you say sleepily and for the first time in weeks you drift off into a deep, restful sleep.

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[moghedien]

So someone is in your inbox asking for money

I'm not going to say that every single instance of this happening is a scam, but in my experience, random people following you and then sending you an ask to ask you to reblog a post or donate, they are almost always a scam.

You may feel bad about ignoring them or deleting the ask, but doing so is probably going to be the best course of action. Not only so that YOU don't lose money but so that you don't give the scammer access to you followers.

But how could you know that the person is a scam and not the one instance where someone really needs help? Let's go over some ways to check for signs of a scammer.

this is the post I got in my inbox today. I've personally never dealt with this particular version, so I didn't immediately delete. I probably wouldn't have reblogged anyway, but I wanted to look into this specifically.

The first thing to do is go on their blog. In this instance, the post they want me to reblog is pinned, and it also has a donation link. I'm NOT going to click on the link because there is no indication at all to what this might lead to and I'm going to instead hover over link and see what url pops up

in this instance, the url shows me that I'm going to be redirected to paypal. IMMEDIATELY a sign that this is a scam. people can still scam with gofundme and other sites like that, sure, but at least with those sites, there is some accountability in that you can see if the donation goal is being met or not. with paypal, you're just blindly donating, assuming that this donation amounts are what the person says they're at.

And also this is not to say that honest people can't use paypal for donations, sometimes that's the only option. But if you're going to donate to someone via paypal, you should at the very least be personally aware of who you're donating to and that they are an actual person.

But let's look deeper just in case. The next thing to do is look for other sketchy signs on the blog. So I scrolled through to see what they were blogging about otherwise, and there were red flags here.

Just glancing through the blog, I could see that they almost exclusively posted about Taylor Swift and the Mandalorian. They posted A LOT within the past day (this is why you should have times enabled btw) and exclusively from the same four or fives blogs.

But maybe they just post a lot. You can actually very easily see their posting habits by looking at their archive.

We're going to go to the three dots and click "view archive"

You can also just type in "[username].tumblr.com/archive" for any blog and access anyone's archive as long as they have a public account. But what's the point of doing that. Well, in the archive, we can get a very quick overview of someone's posting habits.

And here I've circled in red the first and last thing this blog has posted in the month of February 2024 (the month I'm writing this). You can see that both of those posts were posted on the same day. Meaning all of their posts in the entire month of February happened on the same day.

But what about posts outside of February 2024?

Well there are none

You can sort posts by month and year and doing so for this blog shows that they ONLY posted in February 2024 and ONLY one day in February and it happened to be the day before I got an ask in my inbox asking for donations.

These are the most obvious tells, but there are other signs you can look out for.

For instance, all of their posts are without any sort of tags. They never comment on anything and their only original post was their one asking for donations. If you click on the search function in their blog, nothing comes up

There's also the fact that the blog is clearly targeting at making the people who WOULD care about someone needing insulin sympathetic. The fact that they use BLM, identify as a black man, have pronouns in their bio all are on purpose to make people who might care feel like this is a person who deserves help. the scammer is using your empathy against you. DON'T LET THEM. Be smart and always always think before you act, even if that action is just posting. You can help people in need without feeding the vultures that want to take advantage and want to use YOU to steal from your community

But let's just be REALLY REALLY sure this is a scam.

On whim, I copied the text straight from the ask in my inbox and put into google and then added "tumblr' at the end. You'll be shocked to know there were immediate results and not from this blog

First one was a reblog from over a year ago. the exact same wording minus the cost of the insulin and the call to action at the end

I clicked on the original poster for this and the blog was cleared out!

Minus them using the exact same photograph in their header as the blog that sent me an ask today, of course.

The second instance I found was slightly different wording, but using similar enough wording that it can be assumed came from the same scammer. This came from another ask in an inbox, but the receiver rightly called them out as a scam. The post is from two months ago and the blog that asked it as been deleted outright

All of this to say, there are always scammers on tumblr, but there have been a lot recently. This one happened to not be posing as Palestinians in need, but a lot are (in that instance, Palestinian bloggers have been vetting who is and isn't real so you can always check to see if they're getting support or getting called out from actual Palestinians). They won't always use these methods and won't always been this obvious, so even if you don't donate to someone yourself ALWAYS be thorough in your checking before you reblog a donation post. Make sure the charity its collecting for is REAL and if its a person asking for money, make sure that person is real as well.

You can help people without getting scammed or giving scammers access to your followers, and not reblogging every donation post doesn't make you a bad person or mean you don't care. Its important to be careful, and not being careful can do more harm than good. it makes actual people in need look sketchy and takes away resources that could have been given to them. So if you aren't sure if something is real DO NOT REBLOG IT

[roselilianhale]

Dancing with the Cowboy

Jasper Hale x GN reader (requested by anon)

Notes: Sorry this took me forever I've been preparing for the holidays and school's been a bit stressful the last week or two. Thank You so much for your patience! :) This is my first x reader fic so please be nice! Posted this by accident oops! But it's fine it was practically done anyways! Not heavily edit sorry in advanced! Hope you still like it! :)

Warnings: None, pure fluff

Word count: 853

Tagging some mutuals/friends cause I need some love since this is my first x reader fic! @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @twilightsaga123412 @nobody0805 @naolvshan

You smiled to yourself as you popped in your ear buds. It was finally your 'me' time in the day. And to say the least today was exhausting and you needed some music in your life. Excitement rushed through your veins, it was finally time to listen to your favorite album and your favorite artist. You were bubbling with excitement, you just couldn’t wait. You unlocked your phone and tapped on your music app. You scrolled until you found your favorite album. Reputation by Taylor Swift. Out of her discography rep was most definitely your favorite and the best out of her other albums in your honest opinion. It was different and unique from the rest of her work that’s what made it special. Of course the rest of her discography was amazing but this album held a special place in your heart. 

This album always pumped you up. It always brought a smile to your face when you were down. When you were sad it made everything better. They say books can take you to magical places but in your case it wasn’t a book, It was Reputation and any of Taylor Swift’s music. Her music was magical in your eyes, her lyrics were like poetry, they’re beautiful. They’re amazing. It’s what got you through the good and bad. But it wasn’t just her music that helped a certain cowboy, helped as well. You blush at the thought of your boyfriend, he always had this effect on you. You tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, smiling at the thought of your boyfriend. You also couldn’t help but feel excited to see him in the next 30 minutes. Currently it is 2:30 and he said he’d be at your place at 3:00. So you have about 30 minutes to listen to tswift and relax. This sounded perfect. You headed towards your room, you twisted the doorknob and flicked the lightswitch. 

Once you stepped into your room you plopped onto your soft, comfy bed. You hit play on Reputation and the first track started to play …Ready for it? The song started to play and after a minute you couldn’t help but move from your bed. It was a difficult move since your covers and pillows were ever so soft and comforted you greatly. But suddenly you were in the mood for a little dance even if you weren’t the best, at the end of the day it was all about having fun. You started to shuffle your feet, a giggle escaped your lips as you continued to shake your hips trying to match the rhythm of the song. Dancing hasn’t always been your forte and you haven’t always enjoyed it but when you're alone and not judged by others it feels good. It also helped you were listening to rep. Suddenly you felt a strong arms wrap around your waist. You squealed in surprise. And you may or may not be very, very ticklish. You whipped your head around to meet a pair of golden eyes. You put a hand over your heart, it raced fast. 

You swat his arm, “You scared the crap out of me Jazz.” He chuckled at your response. “Sorry Darlin’ didn’t mean to startle ya.” He smiled dazzlingly at you. 

You pulled your earbuds out of your ears to hear him better. You quickly pause your music and toss your phone on your bed. You admired his smile, you could never stay mad at him long. 

You shake your head and a small smile graces your face. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be here until 3:00?” You question, raising your eyebrow. 

“Sorry darlin’ I missed you too much.” 

“You just saw me like an hour ago, you know!” 

“Well excuse me darlin’ but I missed you and I’ll take any chance to see you.” You smiled at him like a dork. You blushed and closed the gap between the two of you. You pressed your lips against his cold ones. It made you shiver and yet it was a wonderful feeling. A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as you kissed him. You pulled away and giggled, you looked up at him and you couldn't help but look deep into his honey eyes. He smiled warmly at you, and caressed your cheek. “I also may or may not have felt that you're a bit exhausted and I wanted to do anything to help ya.”

Your heart melts, it's official you have the sweetest boyfriend. “Aww thank you Jasper, that is so sweet and considerate of you. I love you.” He beams and you lean in and hug him tightly. 

“May I have this dance?” You smiled at him and took his hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed play. The beat of lover came on, it was one of your favorites. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist and you rested your hand on his chest. You both swayed together and danced to the slow beat. 

You felt glad he came over. He always came when you needed him. It really helped that he could feel what you felt, it may or may not have come in handy at times. He has this wonderful talent of taking away your worries and making everything better. He had the best hugs and always knew the right words to say He really was the perfect boyfriend.

The End. 

[katierosefun]

bro . .  . the ai voice technology thing is so incredibly creepy like. do. do we not see this as a problem in this age of recording people without their consent and just blasting it all over the internet. are we not thinking about like. the potential pitfalls of fake evidence. are we. are we not concerned about this

[myfalsedevotion]

I posted 1,080 times in 2022

53 posts created (5%)

1,027 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sherlocking-out-loud

@his-name-is-ed

@salemruinseverything

@calumsash

@nothing-like--the-rain

I tagged 721 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#esc 2022 - 206 posts

#eurovision - 175 posts

#eurovison - 43 posts

#911 spoilers - 40 posts

#911 fox - 36 posts

#spoilers - 32 posts

#the sandman - 28 posts

#5sos - 25 posts

#taylor swift - 20 posts

#f1 - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#studied piano for a decade and some and it irks me to this day when i see someone trying to play onscreen and having no good posture hahaha

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

MÄNESKIN FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

10 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#4

The Peace in Your Eyes |

Pairing: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin

Rating: T

Word count: 37.3k

Tags: Angst, there's so much angst, TOO MUCH, hahahah, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, New Year's Eve, Post-Break Up, Past Relationship(s), this is not miscommunication but more like, holding back on saying what you're truly feeling, this whole fic is just angsty vibes, and some plot

Summary:

“Calum, we can’t do this again.” Ashton didn't turn around, but he could still imagine the hurt in Calum's eyes burning in his eyelids. And the way Calum's voice sounded when he finally spoke up, small and broken, only confirmed it. “...please?” Ashton squeezed his eyes closed harder, hand clenching too on the folders. “Just… I saw you this morning. Couldn’t… I didn’t get to say hello.” Ashton took a deep breath in, deep breath out, his heart squeezing inside his chest. “Cal.” “Please.”

Or,

A young musician comes back home for his sister’s engagement party on New Year’s Eve, and falls straight back into the best relationship he’s ever had, but only for a weekend.

Hi! Hello! I somehow found myself finishing this in a month so. Here we are hahaha New fic, I'm so excited 🤭🤭

This fic is a love letter to several songs, but especially inspired by La Oreja de Van Gogh’s early catalogue. Also, entirely self-indulgent.

It was born out of me listening to ‘Tis the Damn Season while scrolling through tumblr and coming across this post from Maya (calumsash), though.

Anyway, I'm shutting up now. Read it here on AO3! Hope you like it!

13 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

#3

Group E today like:

21 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#2

I like Armenia's song, but it's not for Eurovision I think

26 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

134 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nugnthopkns]

tell you i miss you but i don’t know how

word count: 2.7k

warnings: insinuated fem!reader, a singular swear word, it’s kinda angsty i guess

recommended listening: the story of us | taylor swift

a/n: long time hockey fan, long time reader, first time writer. i’ve been thinking about posting for a while and decided to bite the bullet. no time like the present i suppose. tagging some folks i feel might be interested (but there’s literally zero pressure please feel free to ignore) @matbaerzal​ @davidpastrsnack​ @troubatrain​ @jamiedrysdales​

Breaking up was for the best. 

You repeat the phrase like a mantra. It’s the first thing you think when you wake up, in the back of your mind as you sit in your cubicle, and verbally repeated anytime you pass a mirror. Deep down you know it’s right; you and Tyson aren’t on compatible lifepaths, and that’s okay. You just wish it didn’t hurt so much to say goodbye. He’s an easy person to miss, with his infectious smile and quick wit. Tyson’s the only person who’s made you laugh so hard tears roll down your cheek; the one who always picked up a bag of pretzels on his way home from the rink so you could have a snack after work. Though you didn’t expect to get over him quickly, you had no idea you’d still miss him nearly a year later. Or that it would hurt so much every time you see him in public. 

♠♠♠♠♠

The bar offers a reprieve from the brisk Denver wind. October has been unusually chilly so far, but the bodies packed like sardines in the open room create all the heat insulation you need. It’s a Friday night and you’re hoping to unwind after a stressful week at work. It’s audit season, meaning you’ve had to pull crazy late nights as you read over the financial records of the firm’s junior partners. Today was particularly terrible, with the computer system crashing, and you really need a drink. Your friends are supposed to meet you, but a text confirms that traffic is heavier than they anticipated and they’re running late. 

Not wanting to waste precious time, you head straight for the only empty space at the bar. A bartender a few years older than you sees you approach and leans close to hear your order over the thumping bass. “Could I just grab a gin and tonic?” you ask, and she smiles before turning away to make your drink. A minute later a drink is placed in your hand and you scour the venue for a table. A small booth is available in the corner; the perfect size for your party. It turns out to be the perfect spot for people watching, and you casually sip your drink and occasionally scroll through instagram while you wait. A text from your friend alerts you everyone is fifteen  minutes out. Though it’s pretty crowded everyone seems to be congregating on the dance floor so you don’t hesitate to leave your table and order a second drink. 

This gin and tonic goes down easier than the first, and soon you’re on your third. There’s still no sign of your friends anywhere and the balls of your feet ache from the heels you wore to the office today. You abandon your plan to meet them at the door, firing off a text giving your location in the venue. Once sitting down, you take off your shoes and rub at your feet. Why did you choose today to abide by the dress code? You typically wore a discreet pair of sneakers and wished you could go back in time to change your shoe choice. 

“I see you’re still drinking gin and can’t wear heels for more than two hours.”

His voice sends shivers down your spine. You look up to see Tyson smiling down at you, and the room spins around you. The entire reason you picked this bar was because it was the only one the boys didn’t frequent, but it seems they’re here anyways. 

“I’m consistent,” you say, trying to keep your voice even. The sight of Tyson makes your heart clench. He looks good, glowing the way that means the team came out with a win and that he played well and put up some points. 

Tyson nods to the empty seat across from you, and against your better judgement you allow him to sit. A small section of your brain thinks he’s going to confess he’s been miserable the last few months, that he’s still madly in love with you. It seems to be the part controlling the rest of your body. “That’s one thing that’ll never change. How’s work?”

You hum wistfully, wishing he wouldn’t make small talk. How is this so easy for him? “Busy,” you sigh. “It’s audit season so the department is swamped. The boys still causing issues?”

“They’re annoying as ever.” He smiles at you again. The sick feeling in your stomach doesn’t subside. Tyson gives you a quick recap of the Avs’ season so far, and you half pay attention. You’ve gone to great lengths to avoid seeing him: switched the way you drive home, where you hang out with friends, what grocery store you go to. It’s a little ironic he’d find you here of all places. 

Idle chatter occurs for a while. Tyson’s talking to you like he’s reuniting with a childhood friend, not an ex-lover. As much as you find the conversation uncomfortable, you can’t turn him away. You miss sitting with him, talking about anything under the sun. Life hasn’t been as bright since the break up. No matter how hard you try, nothing fills the Tyson sized hole in your heart. In a twisted way his presence is comforting, a reminder of what once was. Eventually his teammates realize he’s gone missing and come to whisk him away. 

“See you around Y/N,” Tyson says, a little bewildered because J.T is dragging him by the belt loops. 

All you can croak out is a feeble “Yeah.” He doesn’t look back once he’s away from the table. You shouldn’t have expected him to; he seems to be doing fine. Well even. Every step he takes breaks your heart a little more, and you curse yourself for missing him and down the rest of your drink. 

Your friends find you crying in the bathroom and usher you home. 

♠♠♠♠

Despite being separated from Tyson, you’re still close with some members of the Avalanche extended family. Mel Landeskog continually reaches out, ensuring you’re doing the best you can given the circumstances. It isn’t easy when your ex-boyfriend is the pride of Denver, plastered over every billboard in a fifteen mile radius of the city. When she called to ask if you’d emergency babysit Linnea while she ran errands you jumped at the opportunity to help. 

“Thank you so much,” Mel says, cooing to her daughter who’s comfortably placed in your arms. 

“It’s not a problem,” you insist, “I’m just glad I can finally start repaying you for everything you’ve done for me.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, telling you to text her if you need anything picked up at the store. You’re then left alone with the baby who is luckily one of the happiest you’ve ever seen. The first hour or so is spent entertaining Linnea with various toys and games. Her smile and laugh melt your heart, and your mind briefly flashes to conversations you had about children with Tyson. You push them from your mind, not wanting to lose your focus. The child in front of you is the one that matters, not the hypothetical one from times past. Around two she gets fussy; a bottle and quick diaper change satiate her. 

“You having fun pretty girl?” you coo. “I’m not always the most exciting to be around.” She doesn’t respond; just looks up at you with heavy lids. You pull her closer to your chest, rocking gently back and forth on your heels. Within minutes she’s soundly asleep and you head upstairs to place her in the crib. 

Back on the main floor, you settle into the corner of the couch. The baby monitor is on the coffee table and you keep your laptop at a low volume to ensure you’d hear anything. You sift through the mess in your inbox, deleting promotional emails and replying to those that need your attention. After killing half an hour, you quickly check on Linnea before scrolling through social media. According to twitter the Avalanche are on a six game winning streak and are looking to keep it alive. You honestly could care less about hockey anymore; it’s a painful reminder that Tyson is no longer yours. In truth you’re happy for the team because they work hard and deserve it. Other social media platforms yield nothing of interest and you soon feel yourself nodding off. Looking at the clock you realize there’s about an hour left in the baby’s nap, so you let yourself sleep. 

A knock on the door startles you awake. Careful not to cause a commotion that could wake Linnea you head in the direction of the entryway. The knocking increases as you approach, and you open the door to a disheveled Tyson.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t mean for the question to come off so rude, but it does. 

He pays it no mind. “Is Gabe home yet?”

“No,” you sputter. “I’m watching Linnea while Mel stepped out.” 

Tyson looks stumped. “He should be home by now. We had plans to unwind before the game.” You make no attempt to stop him from entering, and he takes his shoes off without another word. Aimlessly trailing behind him, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he heads to the guest room. “I’m gonna take a nap, have Landy wake me up when he gets home.”

“Can do,” you sigh, but it falls on deaf ears. Tyson’s already got the door shut, and you imagine he’s climbing under the covers, blissfully unaffected by your presence. You can’t say the same. Knowing he’s less than fifty feet from you sends you spiraling. Flashbacks of pre-game cuddles grace the back of your eyelids, and you rub your temples furiously to get rid of the images. It doesn’t help. You want nothing more than to not be bothered by how much you miss seeing him. You miss the way his hands felt entangled with yours and how sweet his voice sounds in the morning. Being this hung up on a person so long after a relationship has ended can’t be healthy. 

The baby monitor crackles, signaling the baby, and the only reason you haven’t fled, is once again awake. Linnea’s room is bright and cheerful; the perfect hideaway from Tyson. Sometime during your tenth reciting of Green Eggs and Ham Mel returns. She finds you upstairs and giddily sweeps up her child, missing her terribly even though she was only gone for a couple of hours. 

“Did everything go okay?”

You nod. “She was a dream. The happiest baby I’ve ever seen. She might need to be changed soon though.” 

Mel nods. “I saw Tyson’s car in the driveway, did he meet Gabe?”

“He’s actually asleep in the downstairs guest room,” you whisper, scared he’ll sense you’re talking about it, and by extension thinking about him, missing him. 

“Oh. Shit.”

That’s the understatement of the year. “Yeah.” You quickly help put away the groceries before heading out, not wanting to disrupt the routine more so than you already had. Really though, you want to be as far away from the Landeskog’s as possible before Tyson wakes up. You’ll have to do a better job of avoiding him in the future, you decide on the way home. You’re heart can’t take seeing him this frequently – or at all. 

♠♠♠♠

You would rather be anywhere than the Pepsi Center. It’s the first time you’ve been in the arena since breaking up with Tyson and you’re downright miserable. However, you promised your younger brother you’d take him to a game the next time he visited Denver with your parents and you aren’t about to break his heart. Ryan is borderline obsessed with the Avalanche and hockey in general. At eleven he’s showing significant promise and you know he works hard.

“Ry, slow down,” you huff, desperately trying to keep up with him. The kid is swaying through the throng of people at lightning speed, desperately trying to make it to your seats to catch warmup. Wanting to make the experience special for him, you purchased seats along the glass across from the Avs bench. Your brother halts, tapping his foot impatiently as you join him and match his stride. 

Contrary to what Ryan thinks, your seats have not been stolen and warmup is just starting. His winter jacket is soon placed on the seat, revealing the too big jersey underneath. The number seventeen nearly sits at his elbow and the name-bar is askew because one side keeps slipping down, but your brother’s happy. He’s preoccupied with watching players do passing drills, hands pressed against the glass, and you allow yourself to look around. Virtually nothing has changed since the last time you were here. The banners are still the same, the energy electric. One small difference is your seating arrangement: the better halves’ box is no longer a luxury you have available to you. A quick glance in that direction confirms they’re enjoying themselves, laughing and no doubt in the midst of planning the next off-season wedding. 

Ryan grips the hem of your sweater to get your attention. “Look Y/N,”  he squeals, “Tys and J.T are coming over!” Sure enough, the two friends are making a beeline in your direction. Tyson waves and Ryan eagerly reciprocates. You’re reminded just how much he misses Tyson; they were the best of friends whenever they could get together. Another piece of your heart breaks in that moment, as you realize you aren’t the only hurting from the breakup. 

“You’ve got him in the wrong jersey Y/N,” J.T smirks. “Think he’d look better with thirty-seven plastered all over.”

You roll your eyes. “I’ll remember that Compher. You got the spare change lying around to buy him one?” There’s no malice in your voice; you truly miss joking around with him. 

Tyson throws a puck high enough to clear the plexiglass. “Ry-Guy, catch!” It lands unceremoniously at Ryan’s feet, but he beams as he picks it up. The two boys share a makeshift fist bump and quickly catch up with each other. It’s been over a year since they’ve seen each other at this point, and Ryan has so much he wants to talk about. J.T tells a joke that makes the younger boy laugh, and Tyson turns his attention to you. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” he says, doing his best to convey his sincerity. The energy of the area and the adrenaline have Tyson shaking slightly, and he rocks back onto his blades. 

You study his facial features as you inhale. He’s still incredibly handsome, just slightly more defined, like he’s growing into himself. “Likewise,” you exhale. You know you shouldn’t lie but you can’t help it; for Ryan’s sake you need to pretend that seeing Tyson doesn’t make you want to curl into a ball and cry. He smiles sadly, like he knows you’re putting on a show. He probably does – you’ve never been good at hiding your emotions from him. Has been able to see how much you hurt every time you interact?

Ryan recaptures Tyson’s attention for a few final moments before he has to return to the locker room. With a high-five and a promise to call soon he skates away, leaving your brother to gush about his idol. The game goes better than you could have ever imagined; the Avs gain a landslide victory and Tyson gets a hatrick. After each goal he points in your direction and Ryan goes berserk. You catch yourself smiling, proud of his accomplishment, before you realize you won’t be at the celebratory afterparty. That isn’t your life anymore. 

The traffic out of the arena is terrible, and Ryan’s asleep in the backseat before you hit the interstate. In some sort of daze you think about what you’d be doing with Tyson right now if you were still together. Maybe you’d be getting ready to make an appearance at a club to celebrate the big game, but it’s more likely you’d be pressed together on the couch, watching a nature documentary to unwind. It’s moments like that you miss most; where you were both too comfortable and enamored with each other to care about your social obligations. A single tear escapes and flows down your cheek. One turns into ten, and soon you’re sobbing over lost love. 

♠♠♠♠

Tyson Jost isn’t someone you could ever stop loving. He’s the human equivalent of the sun, and even now your life revolves around him. It’s centered on missing him, sure, but that’s a part of him nonetheless. You can only hope it gets easier to deal with.

[zukkaoru]

Author Interview Tag

I was tagged by @zukosaturtle-duck, thank you for tagging me! <3

Name: Grace, and on ao3 I’m GallifreyanFairytale

Fandom(s): currently, i’m just writing for atla because that’s what occupies my brain 24/7, but i have written for many other fandoms in the past. my fics from ~2017 to now are mostly all still up on my ao3 so you can check out my fandoms list there if you’re interested in what fandoms i’ve written for in the past

Where You Post: just Ao3 right now! (though i actually started on ffn way back when, but i won’t link that account because all of those fics are Very Bad)

Most Popular One-Shot: plum blossom, which is a zukka hanahaki fic that ended up being just over 20k words long so like.. maybe it shouldn’t have been a oneshot, but it is anyways

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Fic: technically, it’s Sticky Notes, which is a Tales of Arcadia two-shot i wrote back in 2018. avatar-wise, it would be watch the minutes go (which i will be updating later today!!) (and okay actually technically it’s a once upon a time fanfic from 2016 but i am not linking that one)

Favorite Story You’ve Written So Far: probably it’s nice to have a friend, which is a three chapter mailee fic based on the song by taylor swift. it’s one of my less popular atla fics (probably bc most of my fics are zukka fics, which always get more reads) but i had a lot of fun writing it and it’s one of the few fics i’ve written that i felt stuck with the vibe i wanted it to have instead of running off and doing its own thing

Fic You Were Nervous to Post: i mean, all of them to some extent, but i’ll go with my calamitous love & insurmountable grief bc i had no idea if people would like the poems or not. i got a lot of really nice comments on it, though, so i’m glad i did post it

How You Chose Your Titles: song lyrics, mostly. sometimes, i’ll have a non-song lyric title come to me, but most of the time, i just use song lyrics. generally, i’ll either use a lyric from a song i was listening to while writing or i’ll scroll through my spotify playlists and try to find a song that has the same vibe as my fic

Do You Outline?: not for oneshots, which is what i mostly write. i try to outline for multi-chapter fics, but most of the time i get bored halfway through the outline, and then i start writing and don’t follow it anyways. i usually have a vague outline in my mind and some key scenes i know i want to include, but i’m not very good at actually writing my outlines down

Complete: basically all my published works except watch the minutes go are complete, because most of them are oneshots

In Progress: watch the minutes go. but i have so many other fics sitting in my google docs that are half-written and i truly have no idea which of those fics i’ll finish first

Coming Soon: i have an azula-centric oneshot that will probably be the next thing i post, because it’s all written - i just need to read over it one last time and figure out tags for it. other than that, like i said, i have no idea which of my wips i’ll finish first. i do have my zukka big bang fic that is :))) mostly angst at this point and will be posted in february

Do You Accept Prompts?: sure! i will say though i reserve the right to turn down prompts i don’t like, and i won’t write smut

Upcoming Story You’re Most Excited To Write?: i have. so many ideas that i’m forcing myself not to start yet. but i think the one i’m most excited for right now is one that focuses on a friendship between suki, zuko, and yue. i don’t want to say anything more though in case i don’t end up posting it for one reason or another.

Upcoming Story You’re Most Excited About?: breakable heaven (of course. i am thoroughly obsessed with this fic.) as for stories that aren’t published at all yet, i can’t think of any specific ones off the top of my head

tagging: @tysukis and @that-was-anticlimactic and anyone else who wants to do this (don’t feel obligated to do it though if you don’t want lol)

[nikatyler]

No way, simmeronnie is doing replies again? :o It’s been a month, I know. It’s been hard, exams and all that. I’ve talked about that a lot. Now I’m in so much better place. I’ve read what I wrote in my diary a few months ago (February and March to be exact) and wow...just wow. If you compare me from now to me from those months, you wouldn’t even believe we’re the same person. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while. Back then, I’m honestly surprised I didn’t give up. I was so tired of everything.

Onto something else. I thought I’d catch up on a lot of blogs now that my graduation is done, but actually, I got carried away reading a good book (and therefore I didn’t actually catch up on too many blogs). Guys, you all need to read Illuminae. I finished the trillogy today and man, it was so good. Don’t get intimidated by how big the books are, yesterday I read over 400 pages and I didn’t even know how. It’s just so good. Read it. Seriously. I hope you like a good plot twist because these books are full of them. It’ll leave you speechless.

I’m just excited I can read books that have nothing to do with exams again, okay? Tomorrow I’m starting...I’m not sure. Probably The Burning Maze by Rick Riordan. FINALLY.

Anyway, blog stuff. I thought I’d only do the latest replies since my activity feed was broken, but now I was able to scroll down a lot. I wasn’t paying attention and suddenly I was at comments from April. So yeah, that thing I screamed about this week, apparently it’s fixed itself. Though I’m still not sure if it shows all of the comments. Oh well. I worked with what I was able to get.

By the way, in these replies, I did not include the “congrats” comments when I said I got through my exams. But I saw you all, and honestly, thank you so much. I was thinking about this the other day, and I think one of the reasons why I made it through high school was simblr. This is my happy place. Most of the time.

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Oh no. OH NO. Guys I fried another one of my sims.”

ronnie pls be more careful you know how these things go

*looks at my own sunburnt arms* I won’t ever learn

starburstshores replied to your photoset “Nerine no that’s not the way”

Jesus can walk on water, Nerine can swim through land

she’s a Reverse Jesus

starburstshores replied to your photoset “Nerine: “Wakey wakey…” Regan: “Huh? Wha - Nerine? What are you doing...”

This is some Edward Cullen shit she’s pulling ��

Let’s be real, even with how Regan and Nerine’s story is going, it’s still a better love story than Twilight  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hold on, do people still say that?

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hi mum! What’s up?” Miracle: “Regan, you might want to sit...”

OMG WHAT"S HAPPENING OMG

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Regan: “Mum?” Miracle: “Yes sweetheart?” Regan: “He’s going to make...”

Yoo he better make it ����

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hi mum! What’s up?” Miracle: “Regan, you might want to sit...”

oh god no

I can’t explain how I felt writing this. I’m not too empathetic when it comes to other people (and it sucks), but when it comes to “ok how would my character feel in this scene”, I’m immediately in their shoes, and let me tell you, I actually cried, even though I knew damn well how it was going to end. But I also knew what was happening next, and that’s why I cried too. Writing is weird sometimes.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Coming soon…”

Marie looks super pretty in this!!

Thank you. I forgot she was this pretty. I couldn’t believe that when I loaded her for the first time after all these months. I mean, in the regular legacy, I don’t even see her around anymore too much.

vintageplumbobs replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Eeeeeeeeeshk.

pxelatedtrash replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

I stopped liking her when she would always shut Regan down but now I really don't like her and i hope beyond belief that Regan can get away.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Wow I didnt like her before I definitely don't like her now.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

Ahem

Hmmm I had a feeling that thee was something wrong with their fast developing relationship

There indeed WAS something wrong with her. I hinted at it a few times, sometimes it was just a little thing that probably only I saw as foreshadowing, but it kept getting more and more obvious towards the end. And wow. Yeah. She really went that far.

Also, can I just say, I weirdly enjoyed seeing how at first, everyone was like “yaaaaas, mermaid girlfriend”, whereas now it’s more like “oh no. OH NO. STAY AWAY FROM OUR GIRL”.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

Nerine is awful! Someone please save Regan!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

EXPLAIN DIS NERINE!

fishingforsims replied to your photoset “Regan: “Because…because I love you. You’re right. You’re all that...”

My brain rn is just “!!!!!”

She just wants her. That’s her explanation. She doesn’t care about anything else, as long as her beloved human will stay right there in Isla Paradiso.

I’m just now thinking, how the hell did I go from the first story idea for Regan to this. In the original story, there were no creepy psycho mermaid girlfriends. There was...a lot of Bridgeport...some cheating...a lot of guilty feelings...more feelings towards Courtney...Felix didn’t end up with her in that storyline but there would be a love triangle with another person...and considering I’m not actually the biggest fan of love triangles, I as a writer am glad I somehow ended up with a psycho mermaid girlfriend story. It was way more interesting to figure out and write.

But if Regan could decide, I’m pretty sure she’d rather end up in a love triangle 😬

Let me tease you though: There’ll still be a lot of Bridgeport later.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Gwyneth Ellen Clare flirty | perfectionist | family oriented | neat |...”

Was it cliffhanger? Le gasp

Anyway I'm looking forward to see you BRP!

Oh I just saw the tagsXD Don't mind me I think I have to go to bed

Wait still a cliffhanger. Just not as big as I initially thought. Don't mind me��

Haha no worries, this happens to me all the time, I forget to read the tags or caption and then I’m like huh??? What’s happening?? :D But I’m glad you’re looking forward to the BPR, I’m happy to be finally posting it. I’m not sure if it’ll be just as fun as my NSB, but it certainly won’t be as sad as the current story. You guys deserve a break.

Oh, another teaser: Guess what you guys will get in my BPR? An idiot to yell at. Not Ross-level idiot, but still an idiot.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Coming soon…”

*patiently waits*

It’s coming...very soon!

cloudberry-sims replied to your photoset “Nerine: “Now. You were supposed to move out of the houseboat by the...”

Oh that's evil Nerine...

‘Cause baby she’s a nightmare dressed like a daydream

I’m sorry, I can’t stop referencing Taylor Swift, that’s just who I am

melien replied to your photoset “Regan: “This place is heaven on Earth.” Nerine: “Wouldn’t it be great...”

So yeah this was the post where I kind of figured out something seems off... if I'm not mistaken there were also posts where George warns her but I didn't think much of them

One of the things I enjoy doing when I finish the first draft of something is going back and making hints. Tiny little pieces of foreshadowing. And then it grows and grows and gets more obvious. This was never going to end well. I think I already hinted at it when Regan was saying goodbye to her family before going to Isla Paradiso, though I’m not sure. But I think I left first little clues there.

melien replied to your photoset “Nerine: “I hate to be doing this, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry...”

I first saw pics, then the text... and thought wow damn can mermaids do this? But yeah I love where this is going. I like this kind of creepy

Yeah I had to help myself with Photoshop here, there would be no other way to make it clear that she enchanted/brainwashed her. But damn, it would be cool if something like that was actually in the game. Sea creatures like mermaids don’t always have to be nice. What about sirens from the old mythology? I mean, what they did was getting people killed.

sinfulwunders replied to your post “Today is my graduation day and I’m already almost crying even though I...”

My graduation was last month and I was balling my eyes out �� I understand how you feel

Ahh yes...I was in a car today and we were driving past my high school. I started thinking about it all again and I just can’t believe that just two months ago, we were still sitting there in a classroom, praying for it all to end. And now it’s over and it’s weird and I want to go back because somehow I miss it.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “George: “I’m worried about you. There’s something wrong. This isn’t...”

George take her away before it's too late!

He kinda...I don’t want to say he fucked up at this point, but if he hadn’t walked away, things could’ve really been different, huh?

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “George: “Regan, what the hell is going on?” Regan: “You wouldn’t...”

Girl you are definitely not feeling well and this isn't love:/

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “George: “I’m worried about you. There’s something wrong. This isn’t...”

Girl you do sound like zombie!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “You say that as if it was a bad thing. Get lost, George. I...”

Whaaaaaa?

There better be a wizard near you to un-zombie you, Regan!

That’s how it is with brainwashed people, isn’t it?

No, all jokes and dumb remarks aside, when I wrote Regan in this brainwashed state, it was so hard. Not that writing was hard, handling my feelings was hard. I knew she was hurting everyone and I had to keep going because I wanted to tell this story. Like I said, writing is weird sometimes.

Also, speaking of wizards...how convenient it is that her brother is one now? :D Which actually...I didn’t plan for him to become a wizard just to save her. I didn’t plan for him to befriend a fairy just to save her either. It just all sort of happened. Just like life, huh? Nothing is perfectly planned, you just have to play with whatever you have, and I was lucky this time.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Weeks had passed since my last meeting with George. Things got better....”

Yeah I wonder why? Maybe because they are worried about you, too? You never came and anything could happen to you!

She doesn’t care about that. Well, she does, but she doesn’t know that with this whole “your family is useless and I’m the only one who matters to you” haze Nerine put over her.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Regan: “Hey mum. How’s life?” Miracle: “What did you just say?” Regan:...”

Miracle, come and get 'er before it's too late!

She would. Honestly, I believe she would, if things weren’t already hard at home for her.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Miracle for everything she’s gone through? She was “unwanted” at school because she was half alien, she had to share a room with an awful bully at university, then when that hell was over, she became a mother to six children, and now this...when I think of all that has happened, I realize how strong she actually is, because none of this made her give up.

I’ve had so many issues with her story, but looking at her from this perspective, maybe I shouldn’t have.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Ugh your girlfriend doesn't want you. She wants to control you. There's a big difference.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Sure your girlfriend WANTS it not YOU!

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK AND HOPE REGAN IS ONE OF THEM

I shouldn’t joke about these things but...it’s how I cope

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Will: “Sorry I left you waiting. I was with my mum.” Roan: “That’s...”

Nerine happened, Roan

Pretty much

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Will: “What do you mean?” Roan: “Most mermaids - or so I’ve heard from...”

IM SO GLAD WILL AND ROAN ARE THE ONES TBAT ARE GONNA GO RESCUE HER AAAAAA

I was so happy when I figured that out too?? Honestly I thought Will and Roan were going to have the least interesting story but then they prove me wrong and uhhh

I love them so much??

melien replied to your photoset “Miracle: “Regan - he was asking about you. He was looking forward to...”

Poor Regan, I believe she's strong enough to get out of this mind funk... or someone cares about her enough to save her

It’ll all be revealed soon...

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Will: “What do you mean?” Roan: “Most mermaids - or so I’ve heard from...”

Omg

OMG

I actually really like when supernatural creatures have their let's call them quirks which define their difference to humans! That's really really cool!

Actually, me too, even when it means bad things for the main characters!

[13folkloreswift]

GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES HERES THE SWIFTIE TEA

also this is long i’m sorry but I have a very important point that I want the world to know even though I feel dumb now lol

So on December 26 2019 my life was changed when I witnessed Hades Town The Myth The Musical at the National Theatre in London, England. AND WOW LET ME TELL YALL IT IS GOOOOOOD GO SEE IT LIKE STREAM IT ITS SOME GOOD STUFF IMA TELL YA. Any whooo back to the taylor swift part. Post show my bestie and I ( @rowrowthehoehoe who is currently listening to my sob story on the phone rn) when to the stage door to meet some of the cast (they are all gorgeous) and we met the lad who plays Orpheus. And we were like oh sick nice job 10/10 wow stunning. We talked with him for a while and he was super nice and chill, so my name is bella and he made a comment about twilight (which is like my pet peeve but I let it slide) took a pic with him and then it was like nice meetin ya thanks for coming.

FLASH FORWARD to today-well night 11:15pm i’m scrolling through stan instagram (is that a thing or do we just call them fan accounts?) anyways scrolling and saw a pic from the I Knew You Were Trouble. Music Vidoe and when I saw it I was like wow that is a 12/10 music love love love stan taylor oh my gosh that’s a good video. THEN I saw the guy who plays the love interest the bad boy if you will. I started freaking out, noooo it can’t be. I googled it I typed in IKYWT Music Vidoe cast so fast into my google sis did not know what hit her. IT IS HIM REEVE CARNEY WHO MADE A TWILIGHT JOKE @ ME AND WAS IN TAYLOR SWIFT (MY GIRLLLL) MUSIC VIDEO AND I FEEL SO DUMB RN LIKE YALL I AM CRYING THAT I DIDNT REALIZE THIS SOONER BECAUSE WHN I SAW HIM ON STAGE I WAS LIKE DAMN MATE WHY YOU LOOK SO FAMILIAR AND ITS BECAUSE OF TAYLOR SWIFT!!!

Tay if you reading this (?????) I stan IKYWT MV and now I Stan it even harder because of the beauty that is of Spider Man Turn Off The Dark (on broadway) and Hades Town The Myth The Musical (now on broadway too *whip) and yeah now I feel really dumb and a poser.

all y’all who are reading this bless you and go see Hades Town❤️(also tag tay pls?)

@taylorswift @taylorswift @taylornation @taylornation

[placeinthisworld]

🦔🐧

Guess what I did last week? I bought socks with HEDGEHOGS ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS on them AND socks of PENGUINS SKIING. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!     

Anyway, well that's the last time I tell anyone anything about animal anons plans, otherwise they will be spoiled and ruined by my friends! Oh well, it's all in good fun (and also forced me to keep my commitment of posting tonight despite being depressed that Jurgen got sent home...#gbbospoilers)!

Well as many people have predicted correctly, I passed the Bar! Hallelujah! I was sworn in as an attorney this week so I am officially an esq! I also am scheduled to received my dolly booster shot next week and earlier this month I started a new (not 80 hours a week) job! So I have had a fabulous month and have many things to be thankful for including my epic sock purchase! Which is perfect timing for the holiday ahead! So I wanna know what you are thankful for this year? I know it's been a tough year for so many so it can be as small or as large as you can think!

I'm so excited to learn more about everyone's year and what you're thankful for! Remember to tag animal anon (if you so desire) because I love scrolling through all your amazing responses! And since it was requested of course I LOVE atwtmvtv and the short film! My favorite vault song is IBYTAM because I love LOVE LOVE CS (please everyone go watch his performance with Jhud from the CMAs, it is mind-blowing)!

And remember, animal anon thinks you are all beautiful talented gorgeous people who are all killing it at life! ❤

First of all, thank u so much animal anon for sending me this message. I feel truly included 🥺❤️

Those socks sound so freaking adorable where did u find those!? I went to target today and got these fuzzy red and black plaid socks and two pairs of leg warmers and im v excited to wear them now that its getting chilly!!

Congratulations on passing the bar! That's an incredible accomplishment! Once upon a time i thought i'd be taking that too lol ! YIKES 80 hours a week!? I thought my awful barista job at 55 hours a week was rough, 80 would be............just dreadful; i'm glad you dont have to deal with that anymore!

(putting a read more bc i talk a lot oops)

This year has lowkey been the worst in my opinion lol, the past few months especially have been hard on me personally. I think at the end of the day i'm most thankful for my boyfriend, our kitten, and taylor swift lol. I cannot tell you how many times ive left work in an absolute breakdown and scream/ cry to my sad taylor swift playlist and have had the comfort of my bf and leyna cuddles and a hot bath in our cozy apartment.

ALSO YES I, of course love ATW10tv and the short film, honestly so overwhelmed by them still a week and a half later! I honestly wasnt that into IBYTAM until the MV came out, but now im literally obsessed with it. Chris is really talented! tbh i dont think i have ever heard about him until this but i just watched the cma performance w Jhud that you suggested and it was amazing! So glad she did this song with him it fits soooo well!!!!

thank u so much animal anon!!! it was so nice to chat w you and look forward to hearing from you again!!!! Have a happy thanksgiving if ur in the usa!!!

he's a lil picture of my newest fur baby just for fun :)

[officialthiamlibrary]

Welcome to another profile on Behind the Screens, giving you personal insight on who your favorite creators are and what they do when they aren’t wowing you with their creative ability.

Hiya! I’m popping out of my writing cave to share with you the greatness of another artist, Glitter-cake20, also known as Sammy.  You’ve probably seen her awe-inspiring manips, gifs, incorrect quotes, and stories floating around your dashboard. In our talk, she shares her #1 guilty pleasure ship, creates her optimal Teen Wolf Puppy Pack spin-off, and lets us in her creative process.

Sammy! Why don’t we start off simple? Tell us about yourself. The catch: the word count is either to or less than the number of letters in your two favorite Teen Wolf episode names. (ex. Raving + Galvanize = 19)

Memory Found + Smoke and Mirrors = 25

I’m really lazy. I like reading. I’m great at killing zombies on Xbox. I have blood in my coffee stream. I have resting bitch face. 

Ooh, what makes these two your favorite?

Memory Found because i feel like that is really where Theo learned to be selfless. He fought with Liam knowing he could get killed or taken, and then later he literally sacrificed himself for a pack that wanted him dead.

Smoke and Mirrors - the entire Mexico trip was great but the part that really stood out in Smoke and Mirrors was when Berserker Scott had Liam pinned to the wall and Liam said “Scott listen! You’re not a monster, you’re a werewolf like me” which parallels to earlier in Season 4 when Scott had said that same thing to Liam. It was just beautiful because it showed how Liam had accepted himself as a werewolf.  Also, Derek evolving was just wow!

And how did you come to the Thiam fandom? What about them drew you in?

You know, I had just created a twitter account and I was just following few accounts for Teen Wolf, kind of just bopping along with all the other popular ships, and then someone made a post about “OMG what was THAT” and I opened the video and it was Theo and Liam making glorious eye contact, and I was never the same again.

What drew me in the most was that Theo was so vulnerable when Liam brought him back. He was once such a badass and now he was suddenly latched on to Liam - just made my heart melt. And Liam is my boy, but he made me so angry when he was mean to Theo! Like no boo, that’s not how Scott raised you!

Lately, there’s been exclamations from our pack about Thiam bleeding into their real lives (like, seeing their relationship in every movie/song or experiencing story plots in real life, etc.), have you felt this sensation recently? If so, in what ways?

Yes!  I was sitting at a coffee shop writing the other day, and this adorable couple walked in. My brain immediately went “That’s Theo and that’s Liam” And I’m like, what is actually wrong with me? And literally every epic movie quote is now about Thiam, I’ve actually done a bunch of edits about that, which I will share for the Thiam Movie Fest.

Omg! That totally happens to me all the time, everywhere!! Since you see Thiam in anything, would you say they’re your #1 guilty pleasure ship? If not, what are your guilty pleasure ships, couples where you don’t care who knew or who disagreed, you ship them regardless?

Oh gosh I’ve had many. Stalia was one.  I really liked the dynamic, in the same breath I was also pining for Stydia. I loved Jethan when that teaser came out.  Briam, although I don’t think anyone would disagree.  Brett and Mason!  And even when Scott and Allison broke up I was like, no but Scallison.  I literally ship anything. 

If you could build the ultimate paintball/laser tag team from any five characters on Teen Wolf, who’d be on your team and why? Twist: now, choose one Teen Wolf villain who’d be your secret weapon, provided they don’t double-cross you first, mwhahaha. 

Mmm okay…(this actually makes me excited!) So for paintball, first of all I’d choose Corey for his ability to disappear and strike from a position unknown to our opponents. Then I would pick Theo, he’s proven to be quite strategic and cunning in mapping out a plan! Peter, because he just no objection to kicking ass, any time any place. Kira, because she can divert the paintballs with her sword (and yes in my mind they would allow her to take the sword onto the field, shh). Braeden, because she’s just a total badass and I just love her. And for my secret weapon I would choose Jackson so he can paralyze the opposing team with his Kanima venom!! Ha!

Jackson would be a total knockout secret weapon. The game would be over in seconds lol! Let’s jump into your works. Like @da-smiley99​, our artist last week, you also create a little bit of it all: drabbles, gifs, manips, and incorrect quotes. For you, which would you say is your favorite art form? How do you balance creating them all? 

I really love doing the incorrect quotes, they are fun and I enjoy looking for gifs to match!

Whatever inspiration hits first is what I will do, most of the time its manips/aesthetics that I do for other writer’s work. I love appreciating and promoting what people have created because I know the effort that goes into it. There are still so many works I would like to do an edit for!

If your creative process for these pieces was a person, describe him or her to us. What do they do? Wear? Listen to? How do they handle conflict?

She’s running around in a pink fur coat, stilettos, champagne in hand, chocolates stuffed in her cheek yelling “OH MY GOD!” at everything. I imagine her in a clothing store, the clothes being ideas, and she’s just grabbing everything pilling it onto her arm in a heap, eventually losing her balance and falling over. So when the shop assistant (my family) is like “Mam, you need to calm the hell down” she just runs to the next store, her champagne spilling as she wobbles down the sidewalk in the way-too-high stilettos. She probably listens to Taylor Swift in her pink drop top.

And what’s hers (and your) writing Kryptonite? How do you two battle it?

With regards to writing -I come up with the most amazing and original idea for a story and I manage to write one mind blowing paragraph and then I’m stuck.  That’s why I take so long to create a story, it just takes me forever to get inspired again.  I have a few WIP’s and I don’t know what to do with them!

Creating comes pretty easy and I haven’t had many hiccups while editing. I just suck at making video edits and I honestly wish I was better at it because I have so many ideas! I usually fight writer's block with generous amounts of wine.

If you did become that video-making mastermind, which one of those ideas would you explore first?

I always wanted to do an AU vid of Thiam just living life you know. Id also like to do a “trailer” for these amazing fics that’s been written, kind of like what was done for Airplanes!

I sense a perfect opportunity to practice your videographer skills, mentally, of course! Say you were the Jeff Davis of the Puppy Pack Teen Wolf Spin-Off. Describe your very first and last scene of the pilot episode? How would you put your personal touches on those two scenes? 

Personal Touches: A-class lighting because we suffered enough with the ever loving darkness of Teen Wolf.  I’d like to see the characters develop more of a personal style, Liam would probably wear more ‘jock’ outfits as he plays varsity lacrosse now. I’d love to put Theo in shorts for a change, maybe an early morning kitchen scene where he is wearing boxer shorts…okay I’m getting distracted.

Eeek!  Okay so, the Opening scene would be Theo, Liam and Alec running from hunters, Theo has Liam by the arm, he pushes Liam and Alec into his truck and ducks in behind them. They speed off. Then he starts yelling at Liam “Are you crazy, Li?! I’m getting real tired of saving you!” (que fandom freaking because he is calling him “Li” now) and then at Alec “And you! What the hell did we tell you about sneaking out with Liam!?” Liam and Alec are just out of breath trying not to  laugh at Theo. Theo calls Mason to confirm that they are fine.

Closing scene: Liam flops down on the couch in the McCall house, next to Theo (because that’s where he is staying now) “So, uh, thanks for coming to get us today”. “You’re an idiot” but Theo smiles. “How did you find me anyway?” Liam is twiddling his thumbs, “Tracked your scent” Theo gets up abruptly and leaves. Yup it’s going to be a slow burn!

Oooh, and which TW characters would you bring back as cameos or minor characters?

Frikken Danny! I feel like the guy deserved better. So definitely Danny.  I’d make him the supernatural privy teacher at the high school. Brett would also come back -as a ghost haunting Liam, especially when Li gets angry then Brett would just be in the corner jabbing insults at him and the pack would look at him like he’s crazy when he yells at the wall to shut up. Scott would make regular appearances. Deaton, Argent and Melissa would be regulars, and I think a guest appearance by Jackson because for some reason they are going to need a vile of his Kanima venom. Kira’s going to come looking for her sword at one point. And Isaac shows up with Scott a few times.

I agree with you about Danny; we needed more of him! We should petition to get you in the writer’s room because I need your ideas to happen!! 

How about gifs/manips specifically? Where does your inspiration for those stem from?

I would think of a scene that I really would have loved to happen and then I try to match it as best I can using existing material. Sometimes i would just be scrolling through gifs and I’d be like “oh wait! This with this is perfect!”

Ooh, up for a quick demonstration? Let’s pick one of your favorite fanfiction scenes lately. Which images/thought processes would stick out to you? Any specific gifs come to mind?

So let’s take Airplanes 28 for example. The scene where Liam is weighing up all his options about how to deal with his feelings and Theo asks what his problem is.  I would use the scene from S6 in the locker room where Liam is punching the locker, it had a few different shots of Liam being frustrated. For Theo’s part I’d use the scene form 6x16 where he actually says ‘what is wrong with you”. Then I just use the app to edit and merge them and voila.

That’s pretty neat. I didn’t even know you could use apps to mash gifs together! If someone wanted to get started with creating manips/gifs, what advice/steps would you give them?

If you’re doing it from your phone, like me, you have to firstly find the right gif app preferably one that does video to gif and vice versa. There are a few that work really well, so hit me up if you want more detail!  I’m also still learning so if anyone has any suggestions let me know.

We’ve chatted about your art for Thiam. Do you also create outside of the Thiam fandom? Original Fiction/Artwork? Other Fandoms?

I used to write and draw when I was younger, the Thiam fandom actually got me back into all of that! I don’t have any of my earlier writing works anymore but I still have drawings.

Aww, can you remember what you liked to write back then?

It was all fictional stories, mostly horrors! I loved writing scary stories, short or long and I would sometimes freak myself out a bit, especially late at night. I remember the one was about a guy whose car ‘broke down’ on a deserted road and he went looking for help at an old farmhouse and couldn't figure out why the people were so weird towards him, so after a few days he left, walking back down the road and he came across his car completely wrecked, his dead body hanging halfway out the door...he was a ghost haha.

Looking ahead, what’s one piece you’re working on that you’re dying for the pack to see?  

Yes! This is a snipped of the AU I’m doing for the Movie fest:

-“That’s him,” Corey said nodding in Theo’s direction “that’s the Judo champ”,

By the time Liam realised he had been staring it was too late, Theo’s head was tilted to the side, an amused grin spread across his face as he looked down slowly at this abdomen and then back up at Liam. There was no reason for Liam to deny that Theo Raeken was gorgeous, that he looked like a demigod in the golden light of the street lamps, but this was not the time for these kinds of thoughts. ‘Get it together Liam’, he shook his head as if to rid his mind of Judo Boy.-

I will also attempt some manips for this piece!

Ooh, intriguing. How dare you stop there! I guess we’ll just have to wait until next week, smh. One final anecdote before we wrap up?

Characters often find themselves in situations they aren’t sure they can get themselves out of. When was the last time you found yourself in situation like that and what did you do?

The PA of our department at work tried to sell me sex toys from this ridiculously expensive catalogue and tried to make me have a sex toy party for my birthday because she would get a free gift and commission for it. First I said, but my friends and family ain’t about that life, and she’s like “No I’ll just invite all my friends it's fine” (to my birthday?? Okay bih). So then I said I’ll think about it hoping she’d forget. She didn’t.  Eventually I told her that I’m not doing anything for my birthday but thanks.

Oh no, she didn’t! It was your birthday smh. You’re stronger than me! Not only would she convince me to throw the party, I’d have bought at least  two things from that freaking catalogue haha! Well, we’re coming to an end, but first, what’s next for you? Both in life and in the creation world? 

Career wise I’d like to do a few courses, and really start going into the direction of what I really love, which is anything creative, instead of just doing a 9-5 to pay bills, you know?  So I’m going to look for a way to bring these two worlds together so that I can always do what I love. Fandom wise, I really want to do more writing, explore different characters and ships!

And, we’ll be over here, looking forward to more of your writing! Finally, Is there anything else you’d like to say? The floor is all yours. Dance away!

I hardly get to writing my own ideas so I’m reluctant to say that I'll take prompts for fics and frankly I take so long to write that it will be disappointing, however, if someone has a scenario/idea for an incorrect quote, manip or aesthetic requests, I’m all for it! I would love to do it! Other than that i just want to thank this entire fandom, you guys are keeping this ship sailing and its beautiful! Keep doing what you’re doing!

Aww, thank YOU for writing, creating, and giving us a lens into your world! I’ll be looking forward to the day you gift us with all the Thiam videos haha. From there, we give you Glitter-cake20. 

As always, you can keep the conversation going; respond to any of her thoughts, ask more questions, send a prompt, or simply swing by for a chat with Sammy anytime. To dive into her works, check out her Tumblr. You can also find her on instagram!

Tumblr: Glitter-cake20

Ask Box: glitter-cake20

Instagram: @spraybitch_chrisberry

That’s all for now, so stay warm, amused, and tuned for next week’s Movie AU edition with @underthegallowws.

Over and Out <3 

Get involved in the Behind the Screen series! Have a Thiam Creator you fan over, from any platform (AO3, Tumblr, Wattpad, Instagram, FFN, etc). Please send us their names. Bonus points if you include any questions you’re dying to ask them. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

[taurnachardhin]

I had a sort of personal epiphany about my toxic relationship with Twitter today which is that I recognize that as much as I vocally despise Twitter I do habitually keep going back to it, and the reason I go back to Twitter is because deep down I am (FOOLISHLY!) seeking some kind of hope and/or validation from it. When terrible things are happening, I go see what people are saying on Twitter for some kind of reassurance that the bad things are not so bad, or at least that there are good things happening at the same time. When there is some controversial debate going on, I go look at certain people’s Twitters to see if they agree with me and/or have a fresh, clear way of articulating it that I can repeat over and over in my head to reassure myself that my arguments are sound. And then sometimes I go look at the Twitters of people I KNOW I don’t agree with to see if they maybe changed their minds, which like 10% comes from a place of compassion, where I want to believe that everyone is capable of change, but 90% I fear is more of a darker, masochistic impulse to wallow in the worst things people say about other people.

That third one is unquestionably stupid behavior, but the other two are also not healthy, and furthermore, just, uh, plainly futile. I have not once in my life, I think, certainly not since 2015, looked at Twitter for more than a minute and come away feeling better about the world or myself, and yet that glimmer of dopamine I get every time I momentarily do see that elusive Good Tweet that validates my beliefs and gives me hope before seeing five more tweets that shatter it all over again is somehow enough to keep me coming back, like the idiot drug-addict lab rat I am. What hope and comfort I ever do get on Twitter is always going to be hollow and unsatisfying because it is so fleeting and impersonal. As my patron saint says, “You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.” Goddamn. Seeking hope and comfort in the opinions of strangers? Stupid game, stupid prize, will never bring me ought but misery.

This is not to say that Twitter as a platform is inherently Bad, just that I do not think I can trust myself to only use it in a way that is Good. (Which I imagine is what alcoholics think about alcohol.) I’m sure I could craft a Twitter timeline that didn’t fill me with misery, and I’ve tried that approach, but the temptation always remains to go look at the stuff I shouldn’t look at. There’s always that hellhole of replies under any actual Good Tweet. I used to feel a lot of misery on Tumblr, too, but I actually did manage to get away from that when I made this account. Now I pretty much exclusively follow low-drama fan artists, Taylor Swift edit blogs, and cottagecore shit and my dash is very nice and not miserable. Every now and then, though, when I’m hopping through tags I’ll come across some really vile aphobe or terf or just generally negativity-filled hater blog and that terrible masochistic part of my brain will be like “oh definitely scroll through this a while, see what The Enemy is up to,” but I am really trying to do that less, because again, it’s unquestionably stupid, and I actually uh, don’t! need to subject myself to that! But yeah, it’s much easier to avoid that stuff on Tumblr since you have to kind of go out of your way to see replies/reblogs on a post and they aren’t just all right there in an endless stream underneath everything.

Anyway. I need to practice taking external validation less seriously and trusting my own thoughts without feeling like I need to see if famous people on the internet share them.  And I need to focus more on the hope and joy to be found in the numinous of the world, of which there is more than enough to get me through the worst times if I take the time to notice it.

I can feel that extra special Election Year Depression hitting me like a steamroller but I refuse to give in to it this time so here are my pledges to myself:

I will canvass for my candidate of choice as often as I can until the primary. Once there is a nominee, I will canvass for them and/or my Senate candidates at least once a month until the election.

I will donate $2 a week to the campaign because that is what I can afford.

I will delete Twitter, block Twitter on my browser, and unfollow everyone on Facebook who posts bad political hot takes because I do not want to get my news from social media and I do not want to argue with people on the internet anymore; it is not my job. I will get my news from NPR and my local newspaper. (I will re-up my subscription to the Sunday paper the next time they have a sale.)

I will read fiction and let it take me away from the dumpster fire we live in because I believe we have a responsibility as citizens to be informed, but not the obligation to consume nothing but news 24/7, yikes.

I will not participate in spreading lies or exaggeration about any candidate or their positions, no matter what I think of them. We are heading into a bad place and I am a conscientious objector to this discourse.

I am wrought with fear about what is happening to my country and our planet and I feel so helpless in the face of these forces driving us to enmity and ruin. I have often thought since the 2016 election about that phrase Théoden uses to describe the orc armies of Isengard–“such reckless hate.” I feel like reckless hate is all around us all the time. I don’t know what can be done about it except to not join it. Be kind, be brave, love truth. These are the things I want to live by.