#anyways so many people are telling me ‘the stats would be more accurate if we asked straight people who definitely exist and have theyre

[spicyicymeloncat]

They don’t prepare u for when ur posts breach containment and you have to deal with 20 people taking it more seriously than you were and saying the same surface level counter argument over and over again even tho you’ve responded to it they just can’t find your response and you have a bunch of people who all feel like they’re the first one to tell you what you missed.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

FHE JUSTIN BIEBER GIF CRYINNGGGGGG LAMAOAOAOAOAO im assuming its the sae oaeu cooking rn

LMAOSOA YOUR POST trust I take all of your ramblings as rewards your brain is fr so big all of these fire ideas >>>>> ok but the pokemon au is so good…extraordinary….exquisite….remarkable (if you’ve watched as much pokemon as i have you’ll probably get this but if not just take it at face value) the Barou sibling angst is actually my fav

LMAOO YOUR MOM AND HER BROTHER THATS SO ACCURATE

ISAGIS HAIR I feel bad for his hair and his hair alone they always weirdly slick it back or comb it up and he looks like a middle aged man

IM CRYING “I cry but because I have to deal with his shit” LMFAOOO yuki fr tweaking atp or repeatedly saying his mantra in his head trying to keep his sanity like “god never gives us more than we can handle god never gives up more than we can handle god never-“

LMAAOA NO IT MAKES SENSE my brain just grouped up the letters that way that I had to double take ok so we’ve had kaneshiro possesses Mira moment and we get canon characterization of kiyora it’s time to freaky Friday reverse you should take over kaneshiro and write bllk i fr wish Karasu actually scored more literally my exact thoughts like “ARE YOU A STRIKER???” Channeling my inner ego…..but agreed glad he still at least has SOME presence and is consistently shown active in game

Bro kurona was so random…like with epinagi and s2 you can see them sneakily trying to add him in the bg cameoing to make him feel relevant but he fr was dropped out of nowhere like wdym the one who ranked fourth in second selection who we’ve never even seen a glimpse of and didn’t do anything in u20 is suddenly good friends with Isagi and others and gets field time HUH his first appearance is quite literally in BM when he’s holding the iPad showing Isagi Kunigami new stats (yk it’s bad when I rmr this info off the top of my head) something about the wording “using religion and blindness” has me laughing so hard LMAOOOO it’s giving that one meme “I’ve got the power of god and anime on my side” except it’s god and optic neuropathy UAHSHSHA ok but on a serious note that fr would go so hard like let’s expand on his character please….id honestly love to see more of him as he was shown in the LN because nel yuki is SO diff than what he actually seems to be based off the LN but anyways…

Kunigami being the main rival makes sm sense tbh when I first read I thought he WAS going to be the main rival but no it’s Kaiser ig….wait the morally greyness of wildcard being discussed would fr be so interesting…..guys….also ness is one of my least fav characters tbh so slander him all you want LMAOO gotta agree w some dudebros he’s fr a Kaiser glazer you’re fr cooking though….we gotta get you in touch with kaneshiro asap

LMAO REAL I also (clearly) enjoy bllk quite a bit but yes many things to be improved…sometimes I think to myself if only I was an Isagi Rin or Kaiser stan I’d be having the time of my life but alas we cannot be MEDIOCRE

Wait the terminally ill route fits his character fr….where he’d be unwilling to tell his family about it because he wants to strive to be the best despite it and won’t settle for a comfy life…I can also see him getting murdered though LOL either way I’m sure it’ll be good (even though he’s dying oops)

Yeah I lowk forgot people who have such audacity exist the Tullia hate kinda insane and just generally when people comment “he’s mine [chafacter] better get away from my man” ICK imagine in the tags you just put every reader pairing possible as a jic disclaimer like “reader and Tullia talk to men so beware!”

I always found the rival characters so funny like why are you jumping me when I’m trying to get to the next city no I don’t wanna battle you rn LMAOO it’s funny in how like every version you end up teaming up and double battling the villain team somehow but the way they come and go was always so funny to me

When you first said may I thought you meant May from pokemon but now I realize…anyways love Tullia sooo glad to have her alive!!

LMAOOOO Lowk I had a subconscious thought like galvanthla interesting choice (i personally collected joltiks bc they looked cute LMFAO) Isagi the most basic of basics so an all basic team is perfect for him LOL I mean hey you gotta have an op basic pokemon somewhere right I already consider infernape relatively more niche amongst most popular pokemon too LOL

Otoya using his pokemon as chick magnets is so real LMAOO I wanna analyze the breloom yuki vibe like why does it work so well

Nagi fr got the short end of the stick omg LMAOO ofc it had to be a fire type too for once thank you reo for spoiling him HSHSH

SHSHSBD THATS TOO CUTE I bet chigiri would take sm time grooming and caring for his rapidash too (in line with what we talked about for his hair and skin LOL) sometimes I forget you make money from battling LMAOOO like yeah I just beat your pokemon up now hand me my check

REAL BUT LMAOOO the light blue team never fails for him honestly when in doubt just match the hair color I can definitely see him genuinely having an aurorus and ice types though maybe he’s like (I like them calm and cold unlike my parents) hiori running a fossil pokemon conservation wait id never thought of that that’s also so real….atp this should just be an expanded universe that exists time to world build (on that note imagine Aryu grooms and styles pokemon for coordinators and especially furfrou, I forgot exact which gen you were into pkmn until oops I’ll elaborate if you didn’t get to kalos/xyz)

LMAOOOOO i was already linking up aiku and Brock the moment you brought him in lowk that interaction set up you have is so pkmn verse coded its great

I SECOND THAT if no other inspo comes out lowk pokemon au….guys…..also Noel noa being the actual champion while reos dad just holds the title is actually such an interesting dynamic and would work so well

SHSHS sounds like you’ve got it all down still praying for your safety though all those experiences in one lifetime is crazy

HAHAHA I LOVE THE CHATTER reading the convo responses brings me just as much joy as reading ur actual fics im always down for yap sessions

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO that’s just me irl tbh like i hope that’s what you picture when you think of me 🤩 surprisingly it wasn’t in reference to the oaeu!! someone had just posted that they wished there were more otoya fics because they’ve read all of them already and i was like “just working…working hard to please you” because i am an occasional otoya writer for sure

OMG MR REMARKABLE (i forget if he had an actual name KFNSJSN my brother and i always just called him mr remarkable he’s like that elderly man who has a tv show or smth right??) and HAHA tyyyy 🥹

maybe they do it like that to distinguish him from rin or smth?? idk but it’s specifically only isagi who gets the horrendous hairdos they don’t give ANYONE else that treatment 😭 i fr feel bad for the guy even though idgaf abt him…

bllk karasu’s like “can we switch places” because a universe where otoya’s not as much of a dumbass AND he has the chance to rizz up reader is the universe for him (he def is so pressed that hollyhock karasu never made any moves LMAOOO “wdym you lost her to OTOYA” and hollyhock karasu is like “i never wanted her in the first place 🤔” so bllk karasu is like “WHAT”)

HAHAHA possessed by kaneshiro fr i felt his energy flowing through me in that moment 😭 someone needs to get me on the phone with him like idk much about soccer BUT i can definitely cook in terms of characters and plot!!

I REMEMBER WHEN KURONA FIRST SHOWED UP I HAD TO REREAD THE CHAPTER BECAUSE I THOUGHT I JUST MISSED HIS INTRODUCTION 😭 agreed there’s such a discrepancy between ln/third selection/u20 yukimiya and nel yukimiya!! especially with that rlly cool panel of him in the u20 game where they’re like “his style of soccer is street soccer 😰⁉️” and he looks gorgeous af i was looking forward to more elaboration on that!! like really showing how he plays differently compared to the other players (maybe giving him some special weapon because of that kinda like metavision) it also could’ve been a really cool point of connection between him and kaiser given that both of them kind of learned how to play soccer in unconventional ways…but alas…here we are

NO BECAUSE KUNIGAMI VS ISAGI RIVALRY COULD’VE BEEN SO GOOD it would’ve built up the hype for kuni sm more and him feel much more relevant imo!! honestly along with wanting to know what wc is all about i’ve always wanted to know noel noa’s reaction to it…like his biggest rival from the past has destroyed this child’s body and life and future in order to make a copy of him THAT’S LEGIT INSANE??? kaneshiro could’ve given us such a scrumptious kuni and noa dynamic and then he just didn’t 😭

honestly i think one of the main problems w bllk is that kaneshiro is spreading the cast too thin and making people care about too many characters but it’s impossible to effectively manage such a huge cast given the premise of the story and still have emotional impact when stuff happens to them and that also means that characters aside from the protagonist aren’t given a ton of fleshing out (this is relatively common in shounen sadly…jjk had a similar issue but almost to the next level) where by focusing on lesser characters and just giving them insane depth the story would’ve felt much stronger ☝🏻 like realistically there’s 0 reason for kurona to exist in nel when reo (as per our earlier convos) or yukimiya could’ve easily taken that role and had their characters developed much more!! kiyora could also have been replaced with yukimiya (as much as i love him) and tbh?? get sendou out of ubers and focus more on aryu (how’d he go from number 2 in scoring goals to a defensive player?? flesh him out more instead of sendou literally nobody cares abt him…hot take but only memorable u20 players were aiku sae and shidou the rest did not need to be there), get rid of tokimitsu entirely (show how his nervous personality doesn’t jive with egoism) and give zantetsu + karasu more opportunities to shine in pxg (honestly if they wanted to keep the cutthroat feel of second selection then get rid of nanase too and show how kindness doesn’t cut it in bllk where you need to be insane; that way the cast is still large but these characters aren’t fighting for a main spot they’re more naruhaya-esque) 😰 and another hot take but they should’ve saved all of the other ng11s besides sae until the world cup arc (so no kaiser and lorenzo in nel) to really build the hype and stakes of the wc because rn it’s like…ok the bllkers have already managed to beat lorenzo and the whole kaisagi rivalry is going on so the ng11s don’t feel as threatening?? whereas they could’ve been a really cool obstacle in the wc and would’ve provided a baddie of the week feel and higher stakes without it being boring or random since they’ve been so foreshadowed already with sae

i agree i rlly like the terminally ill aspect it also explains why his pokémon are willing to go along with his possessed body (they’re not able to accept that he’s gone) as well as why isagi knows so much without him being a villain…it’s also just sad to think about like he didn’t want his family to worry about him but he wanted to accomplish his goals so he just pushed forward until he literally couldn’t anymore 😭 also now i’m realizing lowkey kunigami would fit better in barou’s role (given the whole canonical wildcard thing being similar to the possession) however idc because i like barou more

yeahhh unfortunately fandom people can be a little weird to say the least and especially now that i have a decent amt of followers i know there are going to be interesting individuals in my comments so it’s not even worth it to not tag…okay but hear me out i wasn’t even thinking about this when i assigned teams (nagi got his team based on cuddly fluffy vibes and barou got his team as all dark types because of his “villain king” thing and reader was forced to have one of the same pokémon as him for the sibling theme…of barou’s team i liked houndoom the most so that’s what reader got) BUT the parallels between nagi’s starter being arcanine and reader’s being houndoom kinda go crazy?? like they both have huge fiery dogs but as per the pokédex arcanine symbolizes loyalty justice protection etc and houndoom is like death hell horror and whatnot 😭 however as we know nagi’s aura is death and reader’s character’s main theme is love (for barou, for her pokémon, etc) so narratively nagi x reader would be so good…especially if they’re each other’s “rivals” but they’re not really rivals and half of the time are helping each other out…there’s a vision here and it’s cooking imo 🤩 ALSO i’m thinking…hear me out…karasu reminds reader of barou so he becomes like her surrogate older brother while they’re searching for barou and reader is the annoying little sibling karasu never had which makes him respect yayoi more and teaches him responsibility and maturity which in turn makes yayoi finally respect him too 🤔

honestly galvantula is such a random pokémon but realistically in terms of type matchups it’s absolutely CARRYING reader against barou’s team considering dark is weak to bug 😭 honestly it’s such a cool little pokémon i think it’s so fun for her to have it on her team!! and the gyarados plot line is going to be so entertaining (basically she gets scammed into trading a freshly caught pokémon for a magikarp and shenanigans ensue) that i think the basicness is excusable

otoya constantly getting girls via his fairy type pokémon vs reader and tullia being like “ladies STAY AWAY” who wins 😭⁉️ and agreed breloom + yuki goes so hard…tbh i rlly like steelix and yuki too it works surprisingly well

no literally justice for nagi 😭 the way the government did NOT gaf abt him is crazy like they could’ve at least given him a water type (although tbf he’s meant to show how the pokémon training system takes advantage of people so it makes sense) honestly though i love his character in this au he goes through sm development and his slowburn w the reader will be legendary fr

YOU KNOWWWW chigiri’s rapidash is SPARKLING he def takes such meticulous care of all of his pokémon (same w reo) whereas nagi’s just like eh as long as they’re healthy 😄 KFNJSSB so like manshine trio will be chilling and in their downtime reo will be brushing his cinccino and chigiri will be polishing his rapidash’s hooves meanwhile nagi’s arcanine is rolling in a pile of mud somewhere having the time of its life

hiori and ice types just go so well together (even though he only has one on his team I think 😭) and agreed i can see him retiring from battling after his arc w reader and co and following his actual passion of helping endangered pokémon instead of listening to his parents (maybe karasu inspires him because he also stood up to his family [yayoi] and that gives hiori the courage to do the same)

gen six is where i left off!! i played gen seven (namely moon and a bit of ultra moon) but i didn’t like them that much so as far as i and this au are concerned the pokémon verse ended with xy/oras 🤩 omg wait aryu as a pokémon groomer slays…maybe he’s the one yuki takes his pokémon to before contests?? and perhaps the itoshi bros are mentioned in passing as gym leaders in another region…kaiser as noel noa’s apprentice who’s going to be a new e4 member like isagi (but a bitchier one who never knew barou and never directly interacts with reader) and same with bachira + kunigami (kaiser to replace noel noa, bachira to replace lavinho, kunigami to replace chris prince, and isagi to replace snuffy) there’s just so many different roles that characters can play!! the world building would be so fun

LMAOO honestly aiku trying to be the rizzler but getting cock blocked by big bros otoya and karasu is so funny to me 😭 also speaking of brock link ups since we know karasu and reader are like a sibling duo i’m imagining otoya and tullia to have that brock and croagunk dynamic where she just punches him whenever he flirts with girls because he’s so cringe it’s embarrassing 😰 speaking of tullia atm i’m think she’ll likely end up with either chigiri (since he’ll probably pull up quite frequently as a nagi companion so there’s ample time for development), isagi (since he’s a classic tullia pairing and all), or maybe even hiori?? like her and hiori really hit it off and after the main story is over instead of becoming a show/competition breeder like she planned she decides to go back to his nature preserve and help in breeding for species conservation or something 🤔 many many options fr

NO BECAUSE LISTEN THE TIK TOK AUDIOS ARE BURSTING WITH POTENTIAL FOR THE POKÉMON AU i’m getting soooo many ideas for the story now!! like the entire gyarados arc, the aegislash arc (this one goes crazy because it’s basically “reader and nagi somehow end up in a period drama for an entire arc” yet it makes perfect sense given the pokémon verse and the backstory), EVERYTHING with barou especially the final fight between the cousins (i’ve decided they’ll be cousins but as close as siblings!! so y/n’s mother is barou’s father’s sister and her houndoom is barou’s houndoom’s sister so it’s like three generations of brother/sister-esque bonds making up the story), the random evil team encounters…i’m sure you saw but i put requests on hold for a few reasons: so i can finish the ones i have, work on the oaeu, AND also start this story hopefully!! also i want to deny people from requesting for a bit so the hype is built for my 1k event whenever we reach that milestone FJDJSJSJ

LMAOOO the craziest thing is that’s not even scratching the surface unfortunately i have had many insane experiences with men i’m sure you’ll hear about more whenever they’re relevant to the convo 😭 and YESSS i love chatting w you hehe always a little rush of dopamine when i see the little “anonymous asked you a question” notification on my phone (when tumblr isn’t an OPP and actually gives the me the notifs) 🥹

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

[tigerkirby215]

5e Quinn, Demacia's Wings build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Katie "TeaTime" De Sousa. Made for Riot Games.)

lol who gives a shit about Quinn?

I do. I do Riot. :(

Honestly while I haven’t played Quinn in awhile I still think she’s an extremely fun champion, and not just because you get to bully the enemy top laner with discount Vayne. Quinn has a very unique playstyle that’s so different from every other champ in the game which makes her real refreshing to play after sticking to other champs for an extended period of time.

But let’s be real the main reason I’m making a Quinn build is so I can have a cheat day. I mean she’s obviously just a Beastmaster Ranger, right?

GOALS

Valor, to me! - Burd up! I really wish that Quinn was called “Quinn and Valor” in game.

Stick to the plan, Val - When the going gets tough it helps to be a swift scout, dashing around the enemy and vaulting off them if they get too close.

I'd keep my head down if I were you - While it’s perhaps not the first thing that comes to mind Quinn is known for letting down a volley of arrows when she first engages with Valor on her back.

RACE

League of humans, at least until I go back to Ionia to make more furries. Regardless we’ll be switching it up a bit with a Mark of Finding Dragonmark from Eberron! You get a +2 to Dexterity and +1 to an ability score of your choice: I went for Charisma because “League of Legends female body types.”

You get an early set of boots with the Mark of Finding, since Courier’s Speed increases your base movement speed to 35 feet. And to help with backflips Intuitive Motion will let you add a d4 to your Acrobatics checks (or your Land Vehicle checks, but I’d perhaps discuss with your DM to change that to Air Vehicles instead?) But most importantly you get Magical Passage for a one-time use of Misty Step, for Flash!

IF DRAGONMARKS AREN’T ALLOWED: A Variant Human works fine. Take a +1 to Dexterity and Charisma and the Crossbow Expert feat a little earlier than usual.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Dexterity is tied to shooting and back flips, both of which you’ll be doing a lot of.

14; WISDOM - You have a bird’s eye view; the best advantage.

13; CHARISMA - This is partially because “League of Legends female body types” but mostly for multiclassing.

12; CONSTITUTION - Demacians are no easy prey, and spending so much time behind enemy lines has made you sturdier than most.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Intelligence is tied to military tactics among other things.

8; STRENGTH - This is partially because “League of Legends female body types” but mostly for multiclassing because we don’t need it over the other stats.

Feel free to swap Wisdom and Constitution if you want worse skill checks but better durability.

BACKGROUND

We’ll be going for Faction Agent not because it fits best but because it has the abilities that make the most sense. I’m sure you could refer to the Demacian Scouts as a faction after all. Regardless you get proficiency in Insight along with one WIS, INT, or CHA skill of your choice: I opted for Perception for that bird’s eye view. You also get proficiency in two languages so once again pick your poison.

The main reason we opted for Faction Agent was for access to a Safe Haven behind enemy lines. You can always find insiders to give you a place to hide, or to give you information. Not that Val needs any help finding people. "Sometimes I swear that bird is just showing off."

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue for the skill proficiencies primarily. Acrobatics and Stealth are the two main ones we want but I’d also recommend Investigation and Intimidation. (Persuasion may be more useful in the average campaign but it doesn’t fit Quinn well feel free to build the character however you want but I focus on making the character as lore accurate and gameplay accurate as possible.) Anyways as a Rogue you also get Expertise in two skills: I’d recommend buffing your Perception right out the gate, as well as your Stealth because... it’ll be useful as a Rogue I assure you.

Rogues can chat with spies and infiltrators behind enemy lines thanks to Thieves’ Cant, a mixture of words and phrases that don’t actually mean what they sound like. But of course what we’re really here for as a Rogue is good ol’ Sneak Attack, for a d6 if you sneak attack an enemy (duh) or if Val (or another ally) is distracting them.

I’m going to briefly mention what weapons you’re probably going to want to start out with: a Hand Crossbow is an obvious must but until about level 6 or so you can honestly just stick to a Light Crossbow to do more damage at a better range early on.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues can further abuse their range thanks to Cunning Action, letting them Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action. Play around bushes to get the jump on your Harrier marks.

LEVEL 3 - BARD 1

Seeing as Bards are good at everything we’ll be taking some Bard levels. As a Bard you get proficiency in one skill as well as a musical instrument: pick whatever instrument you prefer and I’d of course take Animal Handling to take care of Valor.

You also get Bardic Inspiration to tell your allies of information you scouted ahead with your bonus action, letting them add an extra d6 to skill checks, attack rolls, and saving throws that they know are coming. You have a number of inspirations equal to your Charisma modifier, and regain all expended inspiration die at the end of a long rest.

But of course the main boon from being a Bard is access to Spellcasting! You get two cantrips from the Bard list: Light will let you see with your dumb human eyes, and Message will let you chat with your team behind enemy lines. You also get four first level spells from the Bard list: Animal Friendship is kinda an obvious one, as is Speak with Animals. Other than that Heroism will help you (or your allies) keep their cool behind enemy lines, and Color Spray (ty Tasha’s) will let Valor blind your foes so you can get away!

LEVEL 4 - BARD 2

Second level Bards get Jack of All Trades, letting you flex into whatever role your party may need. You also get Song of Rest to heal for an extra d6 of health during short rests to patch yourself up after getting into a scrap. And finally Tasha’s gave you Magical Inspiration, letting your allies with Bardic Inspiration add a roll on their inspiration die to the damage or healing of a spell.

You also learn another first level spell like Feather Fall, in case Valor needs to drop you.

LEVEL 5 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two skills: Acrobatics proficiency is a requirement for backflips, and Animal Handling would be good to handle Valor. (But more realistically expertise in Insight or Investigation would be more useful.)

But more importantly we can finally get some combat ability out of the Bard! The College of Swords gives you proficiency with medium armor and shields, neither of which we really need. It also gives you a Fighting Style you won’t use with a Hand Crossbow, but Dueling is probably better for your purposes.

What we’re mainly here for is Blade Flourish, which despite the name works on ranged attacks! When you take the attack action on your turn Harrier will increase your movement speed by 10 feet, and once per turn you can use one of the following Blade Flourishes:

Defensive Flourish increases the damage of the shot by a roll of your Bardic Inspiration and let you add the number to your AC as Valor makes it harder for the enemy to hit you.

Slashing Flourish will let you pick up a Runaan's Hurricane to deal extra damage to the target and everyone within 5 feet of them.

Mobile Flourish lets you vault off an enemy, dealing extra damage equal to a roll of your Bardic Inspiration and pushing them back a number of feet equal to 5 plus whatever you rolled on your Bardic Inspiration. If you want you can then use your reaction to run up to them, but I don’t know why you’d want to do that.

Basically no matter what your Blade Flourish does extra damage equal to your Bardic Inspiration, and you can choose to either make yourself harder to hit, do AoE damage, or push the enemy away. Oh and you can now learn second level spells like Animal Messenger so Val can get important information back to Demacia.

(Artwork by Michelle Hoefener. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 6 - BARD 4

4th level Bards get the first of many Ability Score Improvements but we’re actually going to take a Feat: the Crossbow Expert feat will let you ignore the Loading property of crossbows to attack more than once on your turn, attack in melee range without disadvantage, but most importantly if you attack with your hand crossbow you can make one more attack with your bonus action!

You also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Minor Illusion is great to make a distraction, and for your leveled spell Locate Object will help if you need to find an important artifact belonging to the enemy. Are there more useful spells? Yes, but I’m building what would make the most sense for Quinn as a character. Feel free to take Heat Metal or Lesser Restoration as you’re allowed to change my builds however you want.

LEVEL 7 - BARD 5

Grabbing the 5th level of Bard for Font of Inspiration, letting your Bardic Inspiration (and Blade Flourishes!) come back after a Short Rest. Which is good because your Bardic Inspiration increases to a d8!

You can also learn third level spells like Leomund’s Tiny Hut for a safe place to rest after a long combat.

LEVEL 8 - BARD 6

But of course the 6th level of Bard wouldn’t hurt, as you’d now get an Extra Attack from the College of Swords! You can also learn another third level spell like Sending to send information more directly. Again: feel free to take spells that you feel are more practical if you wish.

(Artwork by SixMoreVodka Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - ROGUE 3

Going back to Rogue to get our Scouting badge, specifically with the Scout subclass! You get to officially be classified as a Skirmisher, and can move half your movement speed if an enemy ends their turn within 5 feet of you. This movement doesn’t provoke opportunity attacks either, so I’d flavor it as you vaulting off the foe to safety.

You’re also a natural Survivalist, with Expertise in the Nature and Survival skills. That’s why we didn’t get Survival proficiency earlier! And to top it off your Sneak Attack increases to 2d6.

LEVEL 10 - ROGUE 4

4th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement, and we’ve been sitting on an uneven Dexterity score for awhile now. So the Piercer feat will let you increase your Dexterity by 1 while also augmenting your skills with a Light Crossbow, allowing you to reroll the damage die of one of your attacks and deal triple damage if you crit!

I’d discuss with your DM if your Blade Flourishes count as “weapon damage die” for the sake of Piercer, because if they do you’ll likely get a lot more value out of this feat. If not well... it’s still useful regardless!

(Artwork by bekkomi on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 11 - BARD 7

Quickly going back to Bard for some 4th level spell slots to cast spells like Dimension Door to quickly get out of danger.

LEVEL 12 - BARD 8

But of course the 8th level of Bard will get you some more Ability Score Improvements: more Dexterity will mean deadlier shots and more AC. And you can learn another 4th level spell like Freedom of Movement to get out of sticky situations.

LEVEL 13 - BARD 9

9th level Bards get to pretend that a d8 Song of Rest die by total level 14 is valuable. You do at least get 5th level spells like Rary's Telepathic Bond to keep communication up with your team.

LEVEL 14 - BARD 10

But what we’re mainly here for is the 10th level of Bard. To start off you get Expertise in two more skills: Insight and Investigation would both be the most practical choices. Your Bardic Inspiration also increases to a d10, which means that your Blade Flourishes increase to a d10 as well!

But far more importantly you get Magical Secrets, and hey look by total level 15 we finally got Valor! Summon Beast will let you summon a beast of land, sea, or (most realistically) air to fight alongside you! The flying beast has a 60 foot flying speed, Flyby (which lets it avoid attacks of opportunity), and can attack using your spell attack modifier to deal damage equal to a d8 + 4 + the level of the spell slot you used to cast this spell. It’s only a second level spell but it gets quite strong when upcast, so you can choose how strong you want Valor to be!

Alternatively if you want to fly Behind Enemy Lines, look no further than Fly! It gives you a 60 foot flying speed, plain and simple! And if you upcast it Valor can even bring a friend, or several friends!

You can also learn another cantrip like Mending, because it’s good to keep your armor in check as well as your falconer’s glove.

LEVEL 15 - BARD 11

Seeing as we got Valor we may as well grab a few more small things from Bard. 11th level Bards get 6th level spells like Find the Path, to find the path to the objective. Again: feel free to take more practical spells I am merely taking what makes sense for Quinn.

LEVEL 16 - BARD 12

12th level Bards don’t get new spells but they do get Ability Score Improvements. I’ll leave you with a choice: more Charisma will increase your Bard saving throw DCs (and Valor’s hit chance) as well as give you more Blade Floruishes, but the Sharpshooter feat will let you consistently add more damage to your shots while also ignoring range limitations and cover.

(Artwork by Ina Wong and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 17 - BARD 13

Grabbing 7th level spells from the 13th level of Bard like Teleport, to recall back to base when needed. You also get to pretend that a d10 Song of Rest die by total level 18 is majorly impactful.

LEVEL 18 - BARD 14

14th level Swords Bards get the Master’s Flourish, letting you make a Blade Flourish every turn without spending a Bardic Inspiration, as long as you make your Blade Flourish a d6 instead.

But you also get two more Magical Secrets! To call down a Skystrike try Steel Wind Strike, which will damage up to 5 creates in the area and also let you teleport to one of them after using it. Your other spell doesn’t really matter much so... I dunno. Blindness / Deafness so Valor can make a Blinding Assault? Again feel free to make your own choices to customize the build.

LEVEL 19 - BARD 15

We’ll be stopping at the 15th level of Bard for a d12 Bardic Inspiration, as well as an 8th level spell like Feeblemind to weaken an enemy beyond any capability of fighting.

LEVEL 20 - BARD 16

But we may as well grab one more Bard level for one last Ability Score Improvement. Again up to you if you want to cap out that Charisma modifier or take Sharpshooter for some more damage.

Now that that’s done it’s time for some Ranger levels! Oh wait...

WHY NO RANGER LEVELS? - Put simply it would’ve been very hard to get Quinn’s unique skill set without some weird multiclassing shenanigans or a Bard investment. The three things I needed for Quinn were the following:

* Bird companion (Ranger or Druid)

* Flight (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard, Artificer, or some weird stretches of logic like “be a Druid and turn into a bird to fly lol.”)

* Skystrike (either Conjure Barrage [bad] on Ranger or Battle Smith Artificer, or Steel Wind Strike on [high level] Ranger or Wizard)

Put simply there was no combination of subclasses that wouldn’t result in weird mix of classes other than Bard. Add in the fact that I really wanted Scout Rogue levels as well as Crossbow Expert (both of which would conflict with Beast Master Ranger) and Bard seemed like the most logical course of action.

The sad truth is that in all honesty Quinn doesn’t even use Valor that much in her kit is kinda the main thing. I wanted to prioritize the crossbow shooting of Quinn more than anything. If you want a more traditional Quinn build that prioritizes the Bird then Scout Rogue 8 / Beastmaster 12 (using Tasha’s Beastmaster companions) will give you more bird and just about everything that this build did minus the flight. (If you build like this I’d also recommend dropping Crossbow Expert and simply opting for a Longbow, or seeing if you can get an Artificer teammate to make you a Repeating Heavy Crossbow.)

If you really want flight and are willing to stretch your imagination then Scout 4 / Drake Warden (UA) 16 gets Perfected Bond by Ranger level 15, allowing you to ride the flying mount. Yes you’ll have a Fireproof Valor but you can just call that Phoenix Quinn.

Of course all of this can be avoided if your DM either gives you a magic item that provides Flight or lets you put Fly on the Ranger spell list. The golden rule is to always discuss with your DM if you have a particular vision in mind, or else accept the sacrifices you’ll have to make for practicality.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Just like hunting thresher geese - 3 hand crossbow attacks per round with a 3d6 Sneak Attack and a d6 (or d12) Blade Flourish adds up to some pretty decent damage per round overall, and that isn’t even considering Sharpshooter.

I'll follow your lead, Valor - Most of your spellcasting is utility based, meaning that you don’t need to worry about your spellcasting modifier. And hey: we got Valor without having to go for Beastmaster Ranger!

Buy me some time - Mixing Bard and Rogue together means that you have proficiency in quite a lot of skills! Expertise in 8 total skills, proficiency in one more, and Jack of All Trades for the remaining skills. You can fill any role that the party may need!

CONS

Look Val; snacks - It takes us quite awhile to get Valor; some would argue too long. Put simply there’s very little way for us to get the very specific spell list required for Quinn (Summon Beast, Fly, Steel Wind Strike) without doing some weird multiclassing shenanigans. You could go Lore Bard if you want to get access to Summon Beast and Fly faster (Scout 3 / Lore 6 = basically everything to play Quinn by total level 9) but then you’d miss out on Extra Attack among other things.

Still heart, steady aim - Low Constitution along with a d8 hit die really doesn’t do you any favors. You’ll likely have a little over 100 health, which means that it won’t take much effort to put you in Power Word Kill range.

Who's there? Jarvan who? - Honestly our Charisma is low for a Bard, and while most of the spells we took are utility based it still sucks to only have two Blade Flourishes. Feel free to use Point Buy instead for some better starting stats and less in those fairly pointless stats like Intelligence. (8 / 15 / 12 / 8 / 13 / 15 would be my recommendation to have the best Charisma you can get while still having decent Wisdom to boot.)

But your job is to scout: any kills you pick up on the way are a nice bonus. Soften the enemies up with Valor by your side and do what needs to be done to win the war without the enemy knowing you’re there. Fight differently, fight dirty, and remember that no matter what at least you’re not playing Vayne top.

(Artwork by Xu “Crow God” Cheng. Made for Riot Games.)

[marchivists]

not the place to fall in love: chapter one

read on ao3! [i didn’t format anything below the “keep reading”, so it’ll probably be easier to read on ao3]

Iwaizumi was stuck, perhaps perpetually, on level fifteen of Candy Crush.

Once, as a child, he’d dedicated an entire afternoon to climbing an unclimbable tree in his backyard. He’d grown quite a bit since then and a lot had changed, but the addicting taste of chasing a difficult victory bubbled in his stomach now just as it had under that tall tree so many years ago. The stakes were higher than they probably seemed from the outside; Iwaizumi’s honor waited at the finish line and his pride danced around the colorful screen, following his finger as it swiped left and right, up and down.

He’d had an audience that afternoon by the tree and he had the same one now. Oikawa leaned against Iwaizumi’s side, head resting on his shoulder. He seemed to understand how much rode on Iwaizumi’s performance; he oohed and aahed over each move, offering words of encouragement and advice which Iwaizumi would rather have done without.

Though Iwaizumi didn’t realize it in any way that he could express with words, a bubble of sorts had formed around the pair, as it often did when they were together. Passerbys skirted around it without consciously deciding to do so, as if they too understood on some unspeakable level that Oikawa and Iwaizumi, or more accurately, OikawaandIwaizumi, lived slightly apart from everyone else. Outside the borders of the bubble, the airport waiting area produced airport noises. Hidden speakers made booming announcements, feet clicked and clacked towards unknown destinations, babies voiced their dislike for the whole business of airports, and adults coughed and sniffed as they waited for time to pass and flights to arrive. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had claimed a corner of the airport waiting area, opting to relax picnic-style on the floor instead of in two of the many empty chairs nearby.

Iwaizumi made one final swipe before slumping against the wall in despair. You failed! flashed across his phone in bright colors.

“Ah well,” Oikawa sighed, giving Iwaizumi two pats on the shoulder. He slunk down too, crossing his legs and resting folded hands on his lap. “I’m pretty sure only old people are good at that game anyway.”

Iwaizumi glared. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No, no. Just an observation. I can try again though if consolation is what you’re looking for.”

“Go for it.”

“Gimme a minute,” Oikawa looked up at the ceiling as though his thoughts were stuck to the plaster. “Alright. I’m pretty sure old people are terrible at Candy Crush.”

“I think you’re missing the point.”

“On the contrary, I’ve found the point. See, I’ve always suspected my Iwa-chan was secretly a grumpy old man in disguise,” he sighed dismissively, as though the thought was almost too disheartening to address. “I just wish you would have told me beforehand. Your tickets would have been so much cheaper.”

“I think sitting here has made you stupider than usual.” Iwaizumi elbowed his setter, and, ignoring Oikawa’s protests at being treated so unfairly, moved to put his phone in his pocket. He hoped the turn of his shoulder was enough to hide his blush at being called “my Iwa-chan,” or that, at the very least, Oikawa had lost at least fifty percent of his perceptive abilities after being trapped in an airport with no stimulation for so long.

Iwaizumi had always loved airports. They were big, loud, and full of hope and potential: the kind of place that, as a kid, you’d long to sprint through at full speed without consequences.

Oikawa had always hated them. Iwaizumi could see that hatred now that neither of them were distracted. It bled from the way Oikawa scanned the crowd of unfamiliar faces around them, the way his rigid shoulders and stone-statue-posture screamed I am untouchable. It was obviously convincing, as anyone searching for spaces to camp out on the floor scurried elsewhere when their eyes reached Oikawa’s proud, rigid form. The fear and hatred made Iwaizumi want to grab Oikawa’s hand, but for the moment he wasn’t sure if the untouchable part applied to best friends or not.

He checked his watch. They had an hour or so before their flight would be ready to board. Despite his aversion to the place, Oikawa had insisted on arriving unnaturally early, and Iwaizumi had complied with minimal complaint.

Oikawa mirrored Iwaizumi and glanced at his own watch. “Do you think we’ll be late?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Only if it takes us an hour to walk ten meters.”

Oikawa huffed. Iwaizumi took out his phone again.

For the next fifteen minutes, their bubble was uncharacteristically quiet. Iwaizumi resisted the urge to perform a victory dance after reaching level sixteen. An incoming text momentarily stopped him from lining up five purple gummies.

From: you know who it is

         iwa-chan~~

Iwaizumi swiped the notification away and watched with satisfaction as the five gummies disappeared. Level seventeen.

From: you know who it is

    i can see ur phone from here :3 congrats on leveling up, old man iwa-chan

Iwaizumi flipped Oikawa off without taking his eyes from his screen, missing the strained smile he received in return. There was more silence. Level eighteen, then one more. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two. He reached level thirty before receiving another text.

From: you know who it is

            you know, there’s an 86% chance we’ll both die if the plane crashes

That got his attention. He turned to look at Oikawa, who sat scrolling through his phone, expression casual and bored, as though he’d run out of things to like on Instagram and was most definitely not worrying about dying in a plane crash.

Iwaizumi had prepared for this moment. Oikawa’s anxiety was a vigilant companion; it never took a day off and spent most of its time searching for something new to latch onto which it could then suck the rationality and safety out of. In the past, it had made the setter afraid of coughing fits, books with an odd number of pages, eating out in public places, opened drawers, and rooms with too many people in them. Comparatively, flying was an easy thing to demonize. To ward off any excess fear, Iwaizumi had scoured over research and data on plane safety, committing them to memory in case they were needed. He’d tried to put himself in Oikawa’s shoes, tried to image how anxiety would twist the safety of air travel into something horrible. He had imagined dramatic explosions, smoke pouring out of engines and catching flame. He had armed himself with information contradicting these imaginings, just in case Oikawa needed it. He opened his mouth to say something about how their chances of dying were one in seven million when his phone, practically forgotten in his hands, dinged again.

From: you know who it is

      maybe we should go home. lol

Iwaizumi put his phone away. He scooted away from the wall until they sat close together, knees touching. He poked the setter’s leg. “Oikawa.”

Oikawa continued staring down at his phone.

Iwaizumi sighed. “Tell me the stats for getting into your school. For getting into the volleyball program there.”

Oikawa shrugged dismissively, like someone who hates bragging but can’t tell the truth without unwittingly doing so. The movement made Iwaizumi want to headbutt him.

“Only three percent of the applicants get in, remember? Three percent.”

“I know that.”

“Then tell me, why should we go home when our chances of dying are dozens of decimal points below that percentage?”

Oikawa looked up and his eyes were wide with questions he probably didn’t want answered.

Aren’t you scared, too? Yes, Iwaizumi wanted to respond, but not of the same things you are.

What if they just send me back? What’s the point?

Iwaizumi’s own eyes were impenetrable and knowing. He stared back, hoping he managed to get his own silent message across. You are amazing. You deserve this chance.

A few long seconds passed before Oikawa broke their staring contest, eyes jumping over stranger’s faces, presumably to see if anyone had noticed his sudden break in character. “I suppose I can endure the devastatingly long flight. Even though it will be practically unbearable sitting next to a brute like yourself.”

“Good.” Iwaizumi cleared his throat and moved back to his original spot. He looked Oikawa over, relaxing at the way his posture was no longer screaming as much as it was talking. The setter waved to a baby sitting with its mother a few feet away and earned tiny smiles from both parties in return, mother and child hopelessly charmed by his easy smile and fluid movements.

Iwaizumi was charmed, too, and had always been. He was amazed by Oikawa’s ability to quickly recover from anything, to go from scrambling to find purchase in reality to storming forward with quick, confident steps. For the second time that day Iwaizumi felt the urge to take his hand.

He stopped himself, running his hand through his hair to chase the feeling away. He’d sworn to himself, and to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, that he would not come back to Japan without confessing someway, somehow. A crowded airport didn’t seem like the proper place and right before a fifteen-hour flight didn’t seem like the right time.

He didn’t expect the feelings to be reciprocated. They’d been best friends for so long that it almost felt impossible to make the trek from platonic intimacy to the romantic kinds without falling off the edge somewhere in-between. Besides, Oikawa had received so many confessions from so many people, each much better than Iwaizumi in every respect. And he had rejected each one with a sad, polite smile and a few empathetic words of kindness. It’s the moments after that Iwaizumi feared the most, the switch from being someone Oikawa didn’t have to handle with intentional delicacy to someone on the receiving end of pity and a false smile. The gap the truth might create between them, the spacing out of OikawaandIwaizumi, made him want to run home and crawl between the sheets of his bed and never come out again. But, Iwaizumi Hajime hated cowards and liars more than most anything and he had felt like both for far too long. In a way, he imagined spilling his feelings would work like a sort of redemption. He could reclaim his dignity, live without fear, and push Oikawa Tooru away forever. He hoped to minimize the force and longevity of the last part with distance and time; perhaps, with thousands of miles between them, Iwaizumi could move on or Oikawa could learn to live and forget and things would return to normal. Maybe. Hopefully. Whatever the outcome, Iwaizumi would not let Oikawa go without telling him everything. As long as he didn’t have to sit next to his rejector for fifteen miserable hours, everything would be fine. Probably.

Minutes ticked by in comfortable silence and Iwaizumi reached level thirty-one. Oikawa stood, stretched, and announced his decision to mark the momentous occasion with a trip to the bathroom.

Iwaizumi slid a red jellybean to the right. “I’ll watch our stuff.”

“No, no,” Oikawa hummed, pulling Iwaizumi’s phone from his hands and putting it in the pocket of his jeans. “You have to come with me, Iwa-chan. It’s boring doing it alone.”

“Do you think you could sound more perverted if you tried?”

Oikawa stuck out his tongue. “So immature,” he held out a hand to pull Iwaizumi up and dragged him over to the woman with the baby. “Excuse me, do you mind watching our stuff for a moment?”

The woman assured them she could and the baby babbled pleasantly in agreement.

For reasons only his heart could explain, Iwaizumi allowed himself to be pulled across the airport into the bathroom. He only half listened to Oikawa’s chatter as they went, hearing bits and pieces about the memes Hanamaki kept sending him, and doesn’t that lady right there look ridiculous in those clown shoes? Iwaizumi focused most of his attention on the firm warmth of Oikawa’s hand in his own, the way stranger’s eyes glanced over them and flashed with assumptions Iwaizumi could only wish were true. And then, too suddenly for Iwaizumi to keep up with, Oikawa stopped moving.

Iwaizumi collided into him with a grunt. He moved to get a good look at Oikawa’s face, scold and insult primed on the tip of his tongue, just to balk at the painful grimace he found there. He followed Oikawa’s shell-shocked gaze to see Ushijima Wakatoshi standing in front of one of the urinals, doing what one does in a bathroom. His gaze was firmly settled downwards and their entranced hadn’t seemed to break his concentration. Iwaizumi blinked a few times to prove his eyes were really seeing what they said they were before turning to try to share a silent conversation with Oikawa, to ask what the hell? and set up a game plan.

Should they confront him, tease the shit out of him (no pun intended)? Should they walk out and go about their day, knowing that, at any moment, they could run into the second most repulsive person on the planet? Should they pull down his pants and leave him stranded, alone in the bright white airport bathroom? But Oikawa was staring at Ushijima and seemed too busy having a silent conversation with himself to worry about Iwaizumi.

The next few seconds moved like solidified grease making its way into the trash: very slowly, with moments of gag inducing repulsion and general disgust. Finally, Ushijima zipped up his pants. Oikawa tensed, squeezing Iwaizumi’s wrist. He was trying to communicate something, surely, but Iwaizumi wasn’t given enough time to decipher the message before Oikawa flew into action, turning around sharply. Iwaizumi stumbled over his feet, shoes squeaking as Oikawa practically pulled him out of the door. Oikawa flipped the light switch just as they hit the exit and the bathroom flooded with black.

“Holy shit,” Iwaizumi hissed as the door closed behind him, leaving Ushijima trapped in the dark.

Oikawa continued to pull him forward, heading in the direction of their belongings. His voice was hoarse with nerves and conspiracy. “What the fuck, Iwa-chan?”

There had existed an unspoken truth between them that the airport represented a doorway to another universe. When they’d bought their plane tickets and printed boarding passes, they’d solidified the plan to leave their old world behind in favor of something new and unknown. When they’d stepped foot in the airport, they’d left the past waiting at the doorway. And when they finally boarded the plane, the world they’d shared together for so long would disappear like leaves scattering in the wind. Despite the existence of this truth, a piece of their past seemed to have crossed the threshold with them. And it was not a piece either of them would have chosen to pack in their carry-ons.

They arrived back at their luggage in record time. Oikawa sat up their suitcases, forming a barrier between them and the rest of the airport. He squatted behind it, only the top of his head visible as he scanned the waiting area. Iwaizumi joined him just as Ushijima walked out of the bathroom.

“He’s hideous,” Oikawa whispered. Iwaizumi nodded in agreement. They watched with horror as Ushijima made his way towards them, closer and closer to the bubble they’d created.

“Holy shit,” Oikawa wheezed. The shocking boyish-ness of the sound pulled all the dramatic tension from the air. Oikawa’s eyes shone with delight and repulsion. “Iwa-chan, oh my god. Look, look! He’s wearing crocs.”

Iwaizumi looked and saw that it was so. The shoes, bright purple, looked out of place in the stainless-steel backdrop of the airport.

“Holy shit,” Iwaizumi breathed. Oikawa couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stop wheezing, and Iwaizumi felt compelled to cover the setter’s mouth with his hands as Ushijima sat in a seat only feet away from their hiding spot. Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa and Oikawa, trapped in place behind Iwaizumi’s hands, was forced to stare back.

“What do we do?” Iwaizumi whispered. Oikawa shrugged. “He’s right there.”

Oikawa made some muffled attempts at forming words behind Iwaizumi’s hand before Iwaizumi set him free. “We could go get some plastic knives from the cafeteria. There are plenty of places to hide a body in an airport. Probably.”

“You’re a really shitty guy, you know that right?,” Iwaizumi chastised, voice slipping from a whisper back to it’s normal volume. Oikawa, returning the favor from earlier, used both hands to cover Iwaizumi’s mouth with a loud shush! Iwaizumi licked them in retaliation. Oikawa screeched as he pulled his hands back to furiously wipe them on his pants.

The arrival of a third party popped the bubble. Ushijima’s form towered over them. “Oikawa.”

Iwaizumi and Oikawa shared a look. Yikes.

“Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa replied, voice cool and detached. Teenage, boyish, silly Oikawa had waved sayonara and disappeared in half a second, leaving confident, collected, not-a-genius Oikawa in his place. He did not dignify Ushijima’s arrival by getting up, but instead fell back on his hands and looked up, like a beachgoer relaxing in the sand and staring with distaste at the hot sky above. He waited in silence, inviting Ushijima to continue.

Ushijima looked between the pair for a moment before clearing his throat. “I would refrain from using the restroom. The lights do not work.”

“Or maybe you just really suck at going to the bathroom,” Oikawa sneered, voice laced with so much poison it almost seemed as though he was wielding a dagger instead of a flimsy, pitiful excuse of an insult.

Ushijima stared. “I don’t think that is the case.”

For another long, uncomfortable eternity, the three shared the same air in dumb silence. To Iwaizumi, it seemed like Oikawa was drawing Ushijima into a silent dueling match and was waiting for his opponent to make the next move. It also seemed like Ushijima had no clue he was a participant in any kind of match, nor that there was a need to host one in the first place. When enough time had passed for Iwaizumi’s legs to start cramping, Ushijima nodded a sudden goodbye and left.

The pair sat in stunned quiet for a moment before Iwaizumi looked Oikawa over and rolled his eyes. “Real smooth, captain.”

Oikawa sucked in a breath of fast, disapproving air. “I pity the person,” he started, standing up and offering Iwaizumi his hand. His posture screamed I am a weapon. Do not touch. “who has to sit next to that on a plane.”

Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s hand without question. “And you thought you had it rough sitting next to me.”

[ahnsael]

Two years later, the last physical remnant of the trouble I got into is going away tomorrow.

The DMV removed the restriction from my license today (it was a three hour wait, which I didn’t expect going in the middle of the week at opening time, but I’m glad I got it done -- I could have done it a month ago but was nervous about the process of getting these last loose ends tied), and after a couple games of phone tag between the manufacturer of the device and the auto shop which services it to finalize approval on both of their ends, tomorrow I get the ignition interlock removed from my car.

Now there’s just the SR-22 insurance for two more years before I can go back to regular insurance (but the SR-22 isn’t much more expensive than the regular version anyway).

We have a guy at work who’s mind isn’t in it lately. Because he just his FOURTH DUI. His third was a legal battle (three in seven years becomes a felony and involves prison time and there was a question as to whether it was from the occurrence of the first one or the sentencing and the court gave him the benefit of the doubt but then he did it AGAIN two months later). I don’t see how you don’t learn your lesson after the first one. And even if not then, the punishment is more severe for subsequent instances. So he’s looking at a lengthy prison sentence this time.

I got 48 hours. Well, technically 62 days, but 60 days were suspended pending my completion of other court-ordered responsibilities like both group and individual counseling, DUI school, a victim’s impact panel (in which victims of crashes caused by drunk drivers told their stories -- including some VERY graphic images), being under the watch of “alternative sentencing” for a year (basically that meant zero drinking, random tests to see whether I had had anything to drink, home visits to see if I had any alcohol around, all of which punishable by either a day in jail or kicking in the entire 60-day suspended sentence), having an interlock installed in ANY car I might drive for a year after reinstating my license (I only drive my own so I only needed the one, at $67 per month which from what I’m told is a pretty good price; I’ll have to pay “$50-$60 or somewhere around there, I’m not entirely sure” tomorrow when I get it removed but it SUCKS for people with no credit/debit card because it’s literally the ONLY way you’re allowed to pay, keeping low-income people without a card from being able to fulfill that obligation and that order does NOT expire a year from sentencing, it expires one year FROM WHEN YOU REINSTATE YOUR LICENSE and you can’t reinstate your license until you have the device installed -- I had to show the DMV the installation paperwork last year), and SR-22 insurance (including Statement of financial Responsibility -- that’s the SR part) for three years.

At one point as I talked to the (actually very nice) DMV lady today she asked whether I still had the device installed or whether it had already been removed. She framed it as a way to say “Show them this temporary license which shows no restriction and they’ll be able to remove it” but I’m guessing it was a “gotcha” question, as removing it before having the restriction removed from my license would have violated the restriction of my license. But I bet they get people saying “My year was up last week so I had it removed,” therefore getting themselves in more trouble (I was actually half-expecting them to want to see it in my car, maybe punch some buttons and get my latest statistics as far as “has he had any violations since the last time he had it serviced and we were sent his data?” but that didn’t happen...I also had the original installation paperwork and the original court order in my jacket pocket just in case, since I had to show both when I reinstated my license, even though they scanned them at the time -- when I first reinstated my license they forgot the restriction so I had to go back and have them put it on). I’m also wondering whether the three-hour wait was intentional, since most people are there for renewals or new licenses or to change their address or register a vehicle, and those of us in the “C” group broke the law, which was why we were there. Kind of makes me feel like they were testing our patience to see if we gave them attitude about seeing SO MANY people who got there after us called first. But I was as nice to the DMV lady as I would have been had I waited 10 minutes, and by the end the lady next to her behind the counter was complimenting my Genie tie (Genie from Aladdin -- I went there straight from work this morning so I was still dressed up from work).

An interesting aside...I shave my head, but have a beard. I asked the lady, pointing to the gray under my chin, “At what point to I change my official hair color to gray?” (the color listed on the original police report). She said it was basically up to me, and that I could even put “bald” if I wanted to since I shave my head, but sometimes the hair grows out a bit between shavings and I want to make sure I’m in compliance. But I pointed to my eyebrows as evidence of the “brown” that I put down, and she accepted that. She said switching to “gray” is pretty much up to me as long as SOME of the original color remains, but then we shared a laugh about people with completely gray hair who put down “black” as their hair color (that was when I pointed out my non-graying eyebrows as evidence that while I do have some gray in there, it still is mostly brown).

She also laughed when I said the only “stat” that had changed in the past 13 months since reinstating my license was my weight, which I upped by 15 pounds for honesty’s sake. She said she NEVER would have done that, but then I said that I used to be about 35 pounds more than I am now, so I’m pretty good with where I’m at and would rather be accurate on a REAL ID-compliant license -- even though weight fluctuates, the weight I put is my average these days.

And after I got a little worried about phone battery after playing cell phone games for an hour, I then spent the next two hours *almost* finishing Rolly Crump’s book “It’s Kind of a Cute Story,” which I hadn’t picked up in so long that the Kindle app had updated and completely forgotten where I had left off (I only realized that I read two chapters that I had already read when I came upon a section that I had highlighted). I’m about halfway through the last chapter now. The Kindle app takes a LOT less battery than playing a game that has to communicate with the internet (especially since the DMV’s WiFi was worse than Disneyland’s as far as reliability, which is kind of saying a lot).

But anyway, other than the (only slightly) higher insurance bill for the next two years, all of this kerfuffle will be behind me tomorrow. No more breathing into my car before I can start it. No more worrying that “I bartended this morning, and I spilled some on my pants...will the interlock pick that up and fail me? (it happened a couple times, as did using an alcohol-based window de-icer this winter and then having the fumes from the can in the car when I tried to start it; I learned to leave the can outside the car after using it, but there are “rolling tests” where they are trying to see if you drank after starting the car and have six minutes to provide a passing same of breath and so I would have to pull over, remove the can, and then re-take the test to make sure I didn’t get COMPLETELY locked out -- I did have violations based on this, but found out a week ago when I emailed the DMV that it takes four consecutive months of such violations for the terms of the interlock to be extended, even if I had to air out my car before I could successfully start my car at the time).

After those violations, I was worried my time was going to be extended, so I was SO happy to receive a reply from the DMV last week telling me that they had looked at my records, and I was good to get the restriction removed. I had thought ANY violation would result in “more time with this thing in my car.”

And on the WAY to the DMV...I ran into a problem I’ve run into a couple times in the past couple months.

Ever since getting the interlock serviced in December, I’ve had issues with it rebooting itself.

Now, if you turn off the car with a pending test, that’s another violation. And the thing would tell me to breathe into it (it’s actually more throat-humming with this device -- it prevents someone taking a lungful of fresh air and then breathing in to beat it; humming in your throat means air from INSIDE of you is going through and it can detect alcohol you maybe thought you could hide).

So there have been times I’ve driven to work, parked, and just before turning off my car the interlock would ask for a “rolling test.” I couldn’t just turn my car off. That would be a violation, which the DMV would hear about. But if I picked the device up and it went blank as I blew into it, then said “Initializing,” I learned NOT to turn the car off (the hard way, when I got a violation for it). Just sit there in the parking spot, engine running, and wait for it to ask for a test again.

On my way to the DMV today, though, the device wanted a “rolling test.” Which I expected. The first “rolling test” can be 5-10 minutes after starting the car, and subsequent tests come every 45 minutes to an hour (and you have six minutes to provide a breath sample before you are locked out). When I drove to Disneyland in September, I can’t even guess as to how many tests I had to take as I drove, to make sure I was still sober.

But today, it asked me to re-test. I did. I heard the tell-tale “click” by my left knee that tells me it just sent a signal to the car that it’s okay to restart if I shut it down. But instead of “PASS” on the screen, the screen was blank. Then it said “initializing.” Then it asked me to test again with a beep. I did so. This time, it not only made the click on my ignition switch to turn it on, but said “PASS” -- fir about a half-second before going back to “INITIALIZING.”

When it came back up, I only had two minutes and 30 seconds left to provide a sample. I thought, “If this thing keeps resetting itself, I’m going to get a violation on the way to the DMV for permission to remove this.”

Fortunately, on the third try, the test was passed WITHOUT the device restarting itself (I am SO glad to get rid of this thing because it’s been doing this a lot for the past two months and while I’m passing the tests, it doesn’t always KNOW that I pass the tests before rebooting itself).

But at 10:00am tomorrow, I get this thing OUT of my car. If it’s anything like the installation, I’ll be there for about an hour. Which will still beat my wait time at the DMV today. I’ll probably finish Rolly Crump’s book and then either play some video games on my phone or start something new to read, like the continuations of the book which I’ve already bought.

But video games are more likely -- this shop, as I’ve seen personally and heard from other customers, does not only good work, but QUICK work, so I don’t want to get too into reading and then be disappointed when they have it done.

[junionigiri]

Ruby Red and Caramel Ch 6: Croque Monsieur

Chapter Summary: What can Momo do for Katsuki?

Relationship(s): Bakugou Katsuki/Yaoyorozu Momo; Awase Yousetsu/Yaoyorozu Momo

Rating: T

Warnings/Notes: sorry if the transition is weird--I’m changing how the story is paced. T_T i hope this isn’t too odd

Another day, another emergency.

It’s already late afternoon, and Momo tries to focus despite not having slept even a minute of the previous night. The patient she just saw, a civilian involved in a scuffle between a hero and a villain in the Naruhata district, suffered a blow to the head, a spinal fracture, and a broken hip. She probably needs to take the patient to the OR soon, but…

“Excuse me,” she asks one of the ER nurses, “what’s taking so long? I need a CAT scan, stat.”

Everyone’s moving so slow, it’s simply unacceptable. The nurse stammers an apology. “They said we can bring in the patient in 5 minutes, Doc--”

“We might lose the patient in 5 minutes--”

“Yaoyorozu,” someone calls from next to her. She doesn’t look up from the chart.

“I’ll give them another call, Dr. Yaoyorozu.”

“Yes, please.” She shakes her head, tries to get back to writing her notes down, but her irritation made her lose her focus, and she loses track of what she wants to do in the middle of an order. Her mouth goes tch before she’s able to stop it.

“Yaoyorozu.”

Momo… of all the habits to pick up. Honestly. She feels something awful arise in her chest.

Her orders don’t make sense. Not a single thing she wrote, makes sense.

“Hey.” A callused hand stops her hand, and the pen in its tracks. She looks up from her work and glares.

“Awase-san,” she says, in the most level voice she can manage. “Is there anything wrong?”

Awase Yousetsu’s eyes are as sharp as ever when he stares her down. He takes the pen from her hands, twirls it in one dexterous hand. “Yeah. You. What’s up, Yaoyorozu?”

“Nothing,” she answers quickly. Yousetsu doesn’t give her the pen back, so she creates one from the flesh of her left forearm and gets back to struggling with her orders. “Except, I’m trying to get things done for the patient in bed 3, and our system in this hospital just… isn’t moving fast enough. You should know Awase-san, Ortho’s on this case too--”

“Yeah,” he cuts her off, pulling the chart from her easily. “But you aren’t on call. Tetsutetsu just called Todoroki. They’re on their way here.”

She glares at him. “I was the one who received the call first, so--”

“You were supposed to inform Todoroki to give him the case. You’re supposed to be on the way home.”

She’s about to retort before she’s interrupted by a gregarious yell from behind. “Hey! Awase! Yaoyorozu!!! That the trauma case?”

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu’s voice is as loud and cheerful as ever. It doesn’t always give Momo a headache though. She presses the space between her eyes, reeling from the auditory assault, and barely registers Yousetsu’s response. He hands the taller man the chart, easily dodging Momo’s weak attempt to get it back. “Yeah, here. Is Todoroki goin’ down soon?”

“Yeah! He gave the OR a heads-up and everything! We’re meeting up at CAT scan!” Tetsutetsu flips through the pages and makes a loud ah when he reads the last entries. “I didn’t know you were on the case too, Yaoyorozu! Ain’t Todoroki on call?”

“Yeah. It’s Half-and-Half today. Yaoyorozu’s just about to go home.” Yousetsu doesn’t even give her time to respond. It might be unfair given that he’s technically right, but Momo decides that she dislikes him very much, at that point in time.

“Er… yeah, okay!” The silver-haired man looks at the two of them warily, like he detects something is off, but doesn’t have enough to put two and two together. Or more of, he doesn’t want to recognize the tension between his two former classmates. The way he’s avoiding their gazes tells Momo as much. “So… I’m going ahead! Awase, you’re goin’ home too, right?”

“Yeah man. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

Tetsutetsu gives them a cheesy grin and starts shouting at the nurses to start moving the patient to CT. In turn, Yousetsu pulls Momo away from the nurses’ station and out the ER exit, where there’s no-one to listen to what is presumably, the impending argument between them.

“Yaoyorozu,” he repeats more gently. Steely eyes try to look into hers, even though she pointedly avoids them. “You’re pissed off.”

“No, I’m not.”

He doesn’t move. “If you got something to say to me, say it.”

She’s had enough arguments with him in the past to know that he won’t stop until she spills everything. She inhales slowly. “I… could have managed that one on my own, Awase-san. I do not appreciate how you… interfered with my process.”

He gives her a stony look. “Yeah. That order sheet you were workin’ on had so many errors in it, it looks like one of Shishida’s when he accidentally goes on beast mode while writing. You shoulda just gotten a new sheet of paper.”

“I was fixing it,” she argues weakly. 

“You were raising your voice at the nurse who was just doing her job.”

“She wasn’t doing it very efficiently.”

“She was doing her best. You know our system here isn’t perfect.”

“Yes, but it should be. Our patients depend on us, right?” Momo says smartly. They have been depending on her for the past… thirty-six or so hours, and heaven knows she’s been doing her best the entire time. Everyone should, no matter how terrible they’re feeling--

Her head throbs, making her grimace.

She turns away, hoping he doesn’t notice, but of course, it’s Awase Yousetsu and his tingling ‘Yaoyorozu-sense,’ as Tsuburaba-san had described it so eloquently before. Most of the time he knows when she needs help, and somehow always knows when she isn’t feeling very well. His exasperated sigh tells her as much.

His voice is more careful when he speaks again. “Is it really about the patients, Yaoyorozu?”

She knows that tone of voice very well. He’s gentle, but suspicious. Forcing her into honesty, even though she thinks it’s completely unnecessary. “What else would it be about, Awase-san? I--”

“I don’t know. We haven’t even talked, or even fuckin’ texted in a while, so I wouldn’t know what’s up with you,” he cuts in, in his usual no-nonsense kind of way. Despite the weight of his words, she’s sure that he isn’t doing it to guilt-trip, he’s just laying out the facts.

(Still, Momo wonders if she’s hurt him in some way for him to say that.)

“But I like to think I know you well enough to guess. And I’m, like, 100% sure you’re pretty fucked up over something right now.”

She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter if I am… bothered by anything--”

Because it shouldn’t matter that she has not slept that well, and has consistently been skipping meals. Shouldn’t matter that Kendo-san and Honenuki-san and even Todoroki-san, who doesn’t usually speak up about these things, have told her that she might have been overdoing it. It doesn’t matter that Amjiki-senpai has talked to her once again, asking her the very same inane questions and accusations that Yousetsu’s giving her now.

All she needs to do is work. All she needs to do is to help people. That’s why she’s here.

“Momo.”

She doesn’t give in, not even when he inexplicably uses her first name again after three long years. Professionals should act professional and not bring their troubles to work. That’s why she straightens out her posture, looks him right in the eye like nothing’s wrong. “I just need to do my best.”

“But right now, you can’t. You look like you’re about to keel over any second now. Did you even notice?”

No. If she remembers that she hasn’t eaten, her stomach will complain. If she pays attention to how tired she is, she’ll feel nothing but exhaustion. If she thinks of… of the things that make her sad...

It’s been two weeks, a small, despondent voice in her head reminds her, making her heart wince.

“I’m fine.”

Yousetsu sighs. “Really.” She’s frozen when out of nowhere, he tilts her chin upwards and stares right into her face.

He hasn’t done that in a very long time. Momo is surprised at how familiar this all feels, still… 

He’s being clinical about it, when he examines her skin and eyes. “You’re really pale,” he tells her seriously, looking at her side to side, mumbling something about the hollow of her cheeks not being there before. “And you lost weight. I bet it’s cos you’ve been skippin’ meals and makin’ matryoshka dolls at home until you pass out.”

He… is scarily accurate. She doesn’t tell him that, though.

He gives her a bored smile. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Please,” she tells him, releasing her chin from his grasp. “It doesn’t matter, because I need to get back there and see my patients.”

When she turns to leave, he holds her by the wrist and pulls her backwards. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am."

“I’m activating my quirk on you.”

“No, you’re not. It’s illegal quirk usage, and I will complain.”

He gives her a challenging stare, and fuses his hand to her wrist anyway. Her jaw drops in offense.

He chuckles. “Okay, now you’re payin’ attention, Yaoyorozu. Come on.”

Momo doesn’t even have a say as Yousetsu leads her by the hand to the exits and out the streets at the back of the hospital. She’s annoyed, but a little relieved that he doesn’t take her out the lobby, where the NTG Cafe and its staff are visible from as far as the doorway. Again, she wonders if it’s Yousetsu’s instincts, or just his insanely sharpened common sense that made him decide where they go.

When they’re about three blocks away, he un-fuses himself from her wrist. When she eyes him suspiciously, he shrugs. “I just wanted you to breathe something different from the air inside the hospital. It might help your stubborn head think a little clearer.”

She pouts. “You know I can just march right back there and get back to work.”

He shrugs, and gestures to the empty street ahead of him, going away from the hospital. “Do what you want. Though, Todoroki’s doing your work now, and Tetsutetsu’s doing mine. Meanwhile, I’m gonna be at Monoma’s, eating a croque monsieur--”

The image of Monoma’s famous snack flashes in her brain, making her mouth water. Momo’s stomach suddenly complains out loud. Yousetsu guffaws much louder. She gives him a sour look as she clutches her traitorous tummy in a foolish attempt to quiet it down.

“So there. Go back if you want to, I guess, Momo. See if that growling goes away.”

He turns and walks at a leisurely pace, hands in pockets, whistling a little tune. Momo stares at his retreating figure and the elongated shadows along the street.

She looks at the sky--deep oranges, purples, pinks, steadily darkening as the seconds pass by. She didn’t even notice that the sun was setting already.

She’s… hungry. Exhausted. Miserable. The feelings aren’t going to go away. Not soon.

She walks forward, keeping up with Yousetsu’s stride. She pointedly keeps her eyes forward, but sees him at the periphery with a small, satisfied smile.

Wordlessly, they walk along the orange-stained streets to Monoma’s.

 *

 “Here ya go, you guys. Two croque monsieurs, a quiche paysanne, a crêpe suzette, a black coffee with muscovado sugar, and an iced coffee.” Tsuburaba Kosei-san places the orders in front of them one by one with an easy smile on his face. “Ya need anything else, man?”

“We’re good, bro. Thanks.”

“Sure, any time.” There seems to be extra meaning in the way he smiles at Yousetsu. She concludes that the wide-eyed server is definitely getting the wrong idea about her, and his high school friend right there.

Seems that Yousetsu might be thinking the same thing, judging by the pointed glare he gives Kosei before shooing him away. “Okay. I know you haven’t eaten anything since this morning when Kendo force-fed you a nutribar, so just dig in already.”

“How do you know something like that?” she asks him suspiciously. Because again, he’s scarily accurate, the way a stalker is scarily accurate. She’s sure that he wasn’t there when Kendo-san practically shoved half a nutribar in her mouth while they were doing rounds.

He answers easily, “Kendo told me. It’s not just me who’s worried about you, you know.” He pushes the quiche and the crepe, dishes that she didn’t order for herself, closer to her. She gives him a look of disdain.

“This is too much, Awase-san.”

“You eat twice as much in a normal meal.”

“But… I don’t think I can finish this.” It’s true. Her appetite had just shut down inexplicably.

“So take the rest of it home,” he says, in between bites. “Oh man, this is really good, though.”

It really is. It’s better than she last remembers it. But after she’s taken two angry bites of Monoma’s perfect croque monsieur, her stomach is telling her that she’s already half-full. She chews, tries to analyze the salty, savouriness of the ham and how the swiss cheese compliments the overall flavor of the dish, but the words don’t come.

It’s… been two weeks, since she’s done that.

The man across from her notices how she fights down her food. “Hey, Yaoyorozu...”

“Hm?”

He sighs. “I guess I was wrong about how hungry you were. You don’t have to force yourself to eat everything, if you can’t. But I want you at least finish half of that. Can you do that?”

She swallows the small portion, and nods. “I’ll finish everything. Don’t worry.”

“Well… all right,” he says quietly. “Just… tell me if you feel sick, or whatever. Or you know. If you want to talk, or something.”

She cuts through the pastry quietly. “Talk about what?”

“Anything you like,” he says flatly.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Is he going to force her to talk, again? She isn’t really ready to share anything. She kept herself insanely busy to avoid processing her inner turmoil by herself. Does Awase Yousetsu expect her to do it with him, of all people? “I don’t have anything in particular I want to talk about.”

He’s a pushy person. He usually doesn’t stop pushing her until she says something, anything, everything he wants to hear. And usually, what he wants to hear is the truth, nothing more and nothing less. It’s a difficult trait to deal with, at times.

So much to her surprise, this time all he does is nod. “Okay.”

She blinks in astonishment. “... okay?”

He nods again, quietly munches on his sandwich. When she continues to stare at him dumbly, he gives her a mildly offended look. “You look a little surprised.”

“W… well,” she begins awkwardly, “This is just. A little different, I suppose. You forced me out of the hospital, after all.”

He sighs. “That’s different. I needed to do that because you might actually die if I didn’t get you outta there.”

“But before…” She trails off, hesitates.

He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “No, that’s…” He makes a small frustrated sound that sounds funny to Momo’s ears, making her smile. He struggles with his words and stammers, “I mean, four years together is a long time, so I guess you’d still expect me to act the same, but…”

Momo shakes her head with a reassuring smile. Those four years weren’t terrible, but they really are a distant past. “No… this is… okay. Thank you, Awase-san.”

He nods, and goes back to his food and coffee. He finishes his croque monsieur when she’s barely halfway done with hers, and eventually decides to finish the crepe by himself.

As he cuts through the sweet, Momo’s mouth opens on its own accord. “I--”

His head snaps up in attention.

She closes her eyes, inhales. Hopes for a smidgen of composure, because she’s sure that her voice will crack--and it does, when she begins speaking. “I… was hurt, Yousetsu. It… it feels wrong to feel that way, but…”

Stupid, Momo, why are your eyes already stinging? Why are your cheeks already damp? You haven’t even started yet, haven’t even begun your silly, sordid story.

“Hey,” he says comfortingly. He gives her a neatly folded handkerchief with the zig-zag design as his headband. Momo takes it gratefully and dabs her cheeks.

“I learned that he was… keeping very important things from me,” she manages to say without stuttering. “Maybe there’s a good reason for it, but… I wouldn’t ever know them now.”

He hasn’t even tried to speak with her. She’s called and texted as many times as she could before her courage eventually wavered. All of them left unanswered. She hasn’t had the gall to show herself in the cafe just yet, but…

Yousetsu’s lower jaw juts out, obviously annoyed at what he’s hearing. Damn, if it didn’t remind her of that man. “What exactly happened?”

Momo takes another deep breath, and tells him everything as quietly as she can. Her story is in disarray, and her voice cracked so many times that it’s embarrassing, but he doesn’t tell her off for it and lets her continue at her own pace. He hums in understanding and tries not to react too much, even when she admits to have been intimate with the man-in-question.

After she tells him everything, he lets out a long exhale, as if the story took a lot out of him, too. “That’s… messed up, Momo. I’m sorry you had to go through that with that dumbass.”

She laughs somehow. By this time, her eyes aren’t that damp anymore, although they feel very puffy. “Shinsou-san has also called him the same thing.”

“That’s ‘cause he is.” Yousetsu huffs in annoyance. “He may have gone through a lot, but doesn’t he fuckin’ owe you at least a single word? Suddenly treating you like you were nothing, fuck, I want to fuse that smug bastard’s face against the side of the street--”

“Calm down,” she tells him sternly, but with some humor. It’s a small relief to see that Yousetsu is as hot-headed as ever. It’s funny how the two of them are similar in some ways, except Yousetsu is just a little calmer. “I don’t think he owes me anything… my worry about the entire thing is how I probably forced myself on him, and--”

It’s a hard pill to swallow. She’s the one who keeps coming back to the cafe to eat his food and to speak with him until past closing time. She’s the one who drank all that wine and cornered him into taking her home. She’s the one who kissed him first that night, and…

“What? No, that’s stupid.” He looks much more annoyed than before, going as far as gritting his teeth. “That bastard is just as interested in you as you are with him. I should know, that day he dragged you out for lunch, we fought over--”

His mouth closes suddenly, and Momo is left to stare at him curiously.

He clears his throat and recovers. “We argued. He was sure you’d come down even if he paged for Dr. Ponytail. Especially because he called you Dr. Ponytail. As if he’s putting his mark on you with that weird nickname. I thought it was stupid and impolite, so I wanted to beat his ass.”

Momo suddenly remembers seeing the two of them argue that day. During the time, she was too focused on him to really notice what was going on, but…

“Why… were you there in the first place?”

“I just was,” he says, a little exasperated. “And something felt off about him. I dunno.”

It’s the ‘Yaoyorozu-sense’ again, Momo muses. Will he ever get rid of it?

“Enough about that.” Yousetsu gives her a serious look. “What do you plan on doing about this, Momo?”

She shakes her head. “I’ve… opted to try to move on. Focus on my training, and nothing else.”

“Work yourself to death, you mean,” he quips with a frown.

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“Not work yourself to death is a good option? I dunno, just a thought.”

Momo sighs. “I didn’t think I was? Look, I’m not about to knock on his door to force him into letting me take care of him…”

He’d hate her for that, she’s sure of it. He doesn’t want her to see him as a patient. That was Dr. Hakamata’s point that day, the reason why he kept her away from Katsuki. Why he told her to look strong, to actually be strong so Katsuki could trust her. She has to be something else for him, but right now she can’t quite figure it out.

Besides... how can Katsuki trust her, if he suddenly doesn’t want anything to do with her?

Yousetsu hums. “Yeah, don’t. So… maybe take care of yourself first? I don’t expect you to get over this fast, so… baby steps.”

She gives him a look of disdain while shaking her head, and he gives her a similar look while nodding. “Awase-san--”

“Yaoyorozu-san,” he says, imitating her high tone. He begins to look ridiculous, so she bursts out into a short bout of laughter. “That’s better, we can start by making you laugh,” he says after she’s done.

She feels a little odd then, and she realizes it’s because she hasn’t laughed a lot the past week. She supposes he’s right. He usually is, even though he can be pushy and annoying about it. She just needs to calm down, try to move on without stretching herself too thin.

Easier said than done. But at least the croque monsieur looks a little less daunting at the next bite. When she’s almost done, the bell chime over the door sounds. She sees a messy green mop of hair behind Yousetsu’s head.

“Ahh, please don’t close yet!” the man says to Tsuburaba, who seems to be ready to flip their signage closed then. “I just need food, please, pretty please!”

Tsuburaba huffs. “Sure, but it has to be to go. The boss wants to close early today. He’s got important places to be. Or so he says.”

Awase rolls his eyes. “Ain’t even nighttime yet. Jesus. That guy’s a lovesick fool,” he grumbles.

“You know it,” the wide-eyed server nods sagely, allowing the customer in. “Come on Midoriya, you like the cake salés with ham and gruyere right? I got the last one for ya here. Let me heat it up.”

Dr. Midoriya Izuku of Pediatric Surgery looks terribly relieved at that. “Thanks, Tsuburaba-kun! I’d like a baguette too, if it isn’t much of a bother...”

Tsuburaba tells the fussing Midoriya to sit down first. It’s then that the green-haired boy sees the two of them in their booth. He regards them with a wave. “Awase-kun! Yaoyorozu-san! Mind if I sit there with--oh…”

He stops mid-step when he sees Momo’s face and all its puffiness and redness. “O-oh, I m-mean, if it isn’t rude, I d-don’t need to sit there, I mean I can sit anywhere else I’ll be okay--”

Momo hasn’t had a chance to work a lot with Midoriya, this man in sheep-print scrubs, thick glasses, and more freckles on his cheeks than anybody else she’s ever seen. Therefore she doesn’t know much about him, except that he’s nice, perpetually awkward, and that he actually trains in Musutafu Children’s Hospital. He’s in Hosu Gen for just one year, for more villain- and quirk-related cases.

Also, he’s nice and very cute the way an infant lamb is cute. Momo shakes her head and shifts in her seat to give him room. “It’s alright, Midoriya-san. Sit next to me.”

“Is that really okay?”

“Yeah. Don’t mind Yaoyorozu’s allergies,” Yousetsu says flatly, gesturing towards the seat. The green-haired boy accepts the explanation, albeit a little uneasily, and obliges.

“Thanks! Um, allergies are awful, aren’t they? I, I have some antihistamines somewhere in my backpack, if you want--”

She shakes her head. “I’m doing better. Thank you for offering, Midoriya-san. You’re very kind.”

“Hah, no, that’s--” Momo thinks that it’s awfully cute how easily he stumbles over his words, how just the act of her speaking to him makes him so clumsy. It’s endearing.

He’s… the exact opposite of him , she thinks.

Momo, why--why would you suddenly think that, Midoriya-san has nothing to do with this mess, please stop thinking of him--

She doesn’t understand what Midoriya says afterward. Yousetsu replies, and eventually they get to talking about a case they’d worked on together. She sits quietly and lets them have a normal conversation. Heaven knows it’s been long since she’s had anything like that.

It’s been two weeks, since--

Stop.

Tsuburaba comes back with Midoriya’s take out. In a minute, he wraps up all of Momo’s leftovers and hands it to her protesting hands. “You still do midnight snacks, right?” he says with a grin. “If this ain’t enough, come back here tomorrow. I’ll make sure you get the best of the batch.”

She smiles at him graciously. For a loyal customer, she hasn’t been here in a while, and maybe Tsuburaba-san isn’t the only one to notice. She’d have to change that.

Baby steps.

Midoriya and Yousetsu live in the same apartment complex two stations away. They agree to walk Momo home before taking the train together.

The sky is already dark as they walk the streets in relative silence. Midoriya keeps the air light by chatting about the new All Might anime that Studio Bones has released. Yousetsu keeps the conversation going, but everytime Midoriya asks Momo what she thinks, she gives a noncommittal response. She doesn’t even have the energy to tell him that she doesn’t watch a lot of anime. Maybe the disinterest is obvious by the way the green-haired boy stammers and blushes.

Sorry, Midoriya-san , she thinks as he looks at his slightly deflated form. It’s just a little hard to take on a normal conversation right now…

Soon they reach Hosu Gen, across the street from Momo’s condominium. “Thank you for walking me home,” she says, with a bow. “I’ll see you both at work tomorrow.”

“It’s fine, Yaoyorozu-san,” Midoriya says with a nod. He falters a bit when Yousetsu steps forward and holds on to Momo’s shoulder.

“Momo,” he says in a low voice. He sounds just as he did three years ago, when they decided they were better friends than lovers, and the time after that, when Yousetsu has proved it time and again. “You’ll take care of yourself, right?”

She nods and honestly tells him, “I’ll take care of myself.”

He gives her a genuine smile. “You’d better.”

Midoriya clears his throat and turns his eyes away, obviously uncomfortable and easily embarrassed. “I’ll… I’ll wait for you over there, Awa--ah…”

The shock in his voice makes Momo and Yousetsu snap their eyes to him in unison. For one reason or another, the baguette that was in his hands is on the ground, and his eyes are wide open at the people before him.

From the distance, Momo sees two individuals: Shinsou, clad in his coat and scrubs, tired eyes and face carefully neutral as he speaks to someone who looks like he wants to be somewhere else.

The other has a shock of flaxen hair and a navy blue apron. A flash of the white of his teeth, as his jaw juts out as it does when he’s annoyed. One large hand, the lines and creases and calluses of which Momo’s got memorized, holds a small orange canister that goes in the pocket of the apron. Eyes, ahead and glinting red under the street lights--

“K… Kacchan…”

The mention of the name makes everyone freeze. Momo watches the scene play out before her, barely notices that Yousetsu’s hand is still on her shoulder. Shinsou and Bakugou Katsuki slowly turn to them, to Midoriya Izuku, who inexplicably already has tears in his eyes.

Katsuki stares at the green-haired boy first, utter shock in his eyes that transforms to irritation. And then he sees Momo, eyes going right into hers, before they go to the hand on her shoulder, and…

“Kacchan,” Midoriya cries, stepping closer to him, as if he’s seeing an apparition instead of a human person, “Y… you’re here, I can’t believe it--”

She feels the moment Katsuki’s eyes disconnect from hers--a fragile thread breaking, the snap of it echoing in her head, painful and sobering. He makes a grumbling noise when Midoriya touches him, swats his hand away. “Shitty fuckin’ Deku, what the fuck are you doin’ here?! Aren’t you supposed to be in Musutafu?”

“N-no, what are you doing here, Kacchan? Oh my god, I thought--I thought you went far away, I thought I’d never see you again! B-but if you’re with Shinsou-kun… oh no, did you have another attack? Did you get hurt again, Kacchan? Tell me, I’m here--”

“ Fuck you, stay away.” He growls, and pushes Midoriya so hard the smaller man’s glasses fall off his face, and the rest of him almost crashes to the ground. It’s so that Shinsou has to hold Katsuki back. Yousetsu jumps next to Midoriya to support him.

“Easy,” Shinsou says warningly, clutching the fabric over Katsuki’s front. He receives a glare in response.

“ Easy ? Shut up, you mindfucker, he’s butting in my business again, as if it’s his job to fix me! It’s fuckin’ annoying!”

“B-but, Kacchan--”

“Oi, Bomb-face, take it easy!”

Katsuki makes a sound like a cornered animal that makes the hair at the back of Momo’s next stand. He glares at Midoriya first and says nothing. He glares at Yousetsu next, teeth bared. “Mind your own business, Headband Fucker, unless ya wanna go?!”

“Oh, you wanna go, is that it Blondie?!”

“N-no, Awase-kun, please don’t hurt Kacchan, he didn’t mean--”

“Y-you--shut up you fuckin’ useless nerd, don’t fuckin’ speak for me as if--”

“You fuckin’ asshole, can you leave Midoriya alone?! Why the fuck do you wanna kill him?!”

“Because he doesn’t mind his own fuckin’ business! And you know who else is a meddlesome fuck, Headband?!”

They’re at the verge of a brawl, and Momo knows that someone has to do something, but she’s absolutely petrified seeing the violence in Katsuki’s eyes.  The security personnel of the hospital are sensing the trouble, and are edging in closer to them. She has to do something, she has to get to Katsuki, she has to--

Momo, please move your feet, please, just run next to Katsuki, tell him it’s all right, he doesn’t have to be angry, he doesn’t have to do anything or say anything he’ll regret further--

Her feet remain on the pavement. Her breath remains at the back of her throat, the air frozen in place. She opens her mouth, tries to call out his name, but nothing comes out.

Shinsou rightfully looks like he’s had enough of this. Momo hears him mumble something under his breath. When his voice comes out again, it’s deep and commanding, unlike anything Momo has heard before. “Midoriya! Shut your fuckin’ trap!”

“B-but--”

The effect is instantaneous. Midoriya’s eyes glaze over, face instantly impassive and free of distress. He stops struggling from behind Yousetsu’s arm. Like a mannequin, he stands straight, eyes going to Shinsou’s, waiting for the next command.

Silent anger barely concealed, he glares at him and everyone else. “Step away from Bakugou. Stand next to Yaoyorozu. Don’t move another muscle ‘til I say so.”

The docile Midoriya does just that. As quiet as a mouse, he stands next to Momo. She sees the tears fall over his blank face. It’s disconcerting to look at.

“You two.” Shinsou says to Katsuki and Yousetsu, in that same unsettling voice--deep, quiet, but dripping with authority, demanding anyone who heard it to listen and obey. “Are you gonna stop this shit, or am I gonna have to brainwash your dumbasses?”

The anger in the air, heavy and overbearing, doesn’t go away. Still, the two men stand down, Katsuki going tch as he does so.

“Good.” The only rational person left in this scenario rubs his tired eyes and turns to the blonde. His voice is more subdued when he speaks again. “Go home. I’ll handle Midoriya.”

Katsuki glares at him, as if to tell him off for daring to tell him what to do, but doesn’t say anything. His gaze moves on to Yousetsu, still with that brittle anger in his eyes, and then to Momo.

Eyes glinting like embers. Words like smoke, unreadable, floating in the air and disappearing. Katsuki looks at her eyes, her mouth, the rest of her, but… everything is different. She can’t read him anymore. She doesn’t know.

There must be something she can do for him. She knows it in her heart, she wants it so badly it hurts, but...

He’s too far away.

It only lasts a second, but in that second she feels her heart drop.

Katsuki looks away. “Do what you want.”

He might be telling this to Shinsou, but his words reach her all the same--a stray bullet that goes through skin and sinew, burning through her chest, making her head and her eyes drop to the ground, away from his.

Without looking back, he crosses the street and disappears into his cafe.

 *

 Hard days pass after that fateful encounter.

For Katsuki, at least. The cafe is as busy as ever, but it’s okay. Work is good, even though Jirou treats him like he’s five and glares at him whenever he’s a minute late drinking his fucking meds. Having missed the breakthrough entirely, the snoopy Kaminari hovers over his shoulder constantly, expecting him to keel over any moment. They probably mean well, but he’s sick of this kind of treatment. He isn’t fucking weak and fragile, god anyone just try him, just let him murder one more person who tells him to sleep early god fucking dammit.

He doesn’t have another follow-up due with Best Jeanist, thank fuck. Even though he’s one of the rare few who thinks that Katsuki’s bones aren’t made of glass, he hates seeing that dandy fucker. Constantly reminding him of the past, as if he can fucking go back there and go back to normal. God fucking shit and damn, it’s enough motivation not to fuck up drinking his meds anymore, if it means not seeing this guy for a prolonged period of time.

His so-called-friends aren’t any better. Shinsou is trying his best to be fuckin’ normal, but he can tell that he’s extra careful around Katsuki, like he’d spontaneously combust in the next moment or something. And ever since that shitty fucking Deku saw him again, Kirishima’s been adamant for the two of them to kiss and make up. First of all, yuck. Second of all, fuck you shitty hair Bakugou fuckin’ Katsuki doesn’t just make-up with anyone, least of all Deku who, after all this years, still doesn’t understand that Katsuki’s health is any of his business.

Deku . Shit, just seeing that green-haired crying mess forcing himself on him again, fuckin’ hell! If Shinsou wasn’t there Katsuki doesn’t know what he could have done to that nerd. After the hell that is their shared middle school experience, it’s hard enough getting along with him in UA. Hard enough that the shit followed him into the same med school and the same residency in Musutafu Children’s hospital. All that time with all that guilt, that complex that he doesn’t want anything to do with.

He doesn’t need that in his life. He doesn’t need Deku or that stupid look in his stupid face, as if he’s the one who needs him. He doesn’t need shit.

And… Momo.

Well.

What about Momo?

It’s five AM on a weekend and he’s staring stupidly in the ceiling, trying his fuckin’ hardest not to think of her. Obviously failing, because he’s flashing back to that street where that Headband Fucker is touching her shoulder, looking at her tenderly like there’s no-one else in the world except her.

That look on her face when she turns to him. Confused and shocked and scared and infinitely sad and fuck him if he didn’t want to drop dead right there. His rage against Deku was what kept him going that day. It’s hard looking at Momo in the eye.

That kind of look doesn’t suit her, Katsuki thinks. She’s never going to stop looking like that as long as he’s around her.

Shit, he really hates that Headband Fucker, wants to shove his palm and burn that stupid oversized shit off his forehead but what if that guy is who Momo needs right now?

“Argh!” he growls to the vast expanse of emptiness before him.

Nothing follows. He’s alone. Momo isn’t there anymore.

He sits up and cradles his head. He isn’t going to get any fucking sleep just moping about the past like this, he concludes as he stands up and stretches.

Might as well run.

 *

 The streets of Hosu are empty and dark when he comes out. The streetlights are beginning to dim as the sun begins to slowly rise from the east. He inhales a lungful of cold air and heads out.

Deafening rock music blaring in his ears, the thud of concrete under his feet, the stretch of empty street before him. It’s a good enough combination for him to forget about the shit that’s happening right now. And if he drops dead this time at least he can do it in peace and quiet.

The rhythm is hypnotic, his brain shuts down except for the parts that will his body to move, just the way he likes it. The sky is turning brighter, the shadows of his body start to appear, and his thoughts shut down and fade into silence--

It’s so that he doesn’t notice the flash of white coming from his right.

“Waaah!!!”

He doesn’t snap out of his trance until the collision is milliseconds away from happening. With all his reflexes, he blasts his way up and over the other jogger and lands about three steps away from him. The other guy, probably too surprised to steady himself, falls to the ground.

He doesn’t hear the crash of the other guy’s body, though--much to his surprise, half of it sinks to the ground, which is suddenly soft, for some reason.

Katsuki is at his side in the next second, offering his hand which the other man gratefully takes. “Sorry. I didn’t see you,” he says gruffly, pulling him off the concrete, which is suddenly quicksand.

“Yeah, same here,” the guy says with an easygoing smile. Well, as easygoing as his skull-like appearance allows, at least. He stands up and dusts himself, touching the ground once more as he does. It turns solid. “I’m okay though, I softened the ground right as I fell. How about you?”

“You’re the one who fell there, Skeletor, I’d worry more about you than me.” He’s had enough shitty people worrying about him, thank you very much.

He expects the guy’s face to sour with the new insulting nickname and all--Katsuki wonders why he’s so rude, sometimes--but all the other guy does is laugh. “That’s a cool name! All my online handles in middle school were like that.”

What the fuck, he’s too nice for someone he almost blasted in oblivion.

“But… if you want, you can call me Honenuki too. That’s my real name,” he says, extending his hand out to him. “I live in this neighborhood.”

He doesn’t usually make friends with anyone clumsy enough to crash into him while he’s deep in a running trance, but dammit this guy is so nice it’s hard even for Bakugou fuckin’ Katsuki to remain his rude and abrasive self. “Uh. Yeah. Bakugou,” he says dumbly, shaking his hand. Momentarily he worries that this Honenuki guy will turn his hand to mud too, but luckily he seems to nice even for that.

“Bakugou,” Honenuki repeats, with a curious tilt of the head.

He raises a skeptical eyebrow. “What?”

The fuck, he wants to continue, but he doesn’t want to cuss out this new guy. “Sorry for staring, but you seem familiar--”

Before he can ask though, someone’s running towards them. “Honenuki-san, what on earth--”

Jesus Christ. What did he fuckin’ do to deserve--

“Yaoyorozu,” Honenuki says, with an awkward laugh. Too late he realizes that he’s waist deep in shit when Momo freezes ten feet away from them with those terrified doe-eyes locked on Katsuki’s. “Um, so… it’s my fault, I was running and wasn’t watching where I was going, and almost ran into Bakugou-kun over here who was just… running a different route, and, excuse me Bakugou-kun that stings--”

He almost forgets to let go of the other guy’s hand mid-hand shake. When he does, the other guy’s hand flares red with heat and shines with nitroglycerin. A few more seconds and Skeletor will have a few bones less from his hand. The way he smiles at Momo though, like he’s a cop reassuring a hostage in a warehouse full of thugs, you won’t be able to tell.

The thug in this situation being Katsuki, of course. He doesn’t miss the way Momo tries to avoid his gaze and focuses instead on Honenuki. “I heard explosions. Are you injured?”

“Nope! We’re fine, really.” Poor fucker seems to be choking in the tension, but he tries to smile all throughout. “So, um… we were talking about a race earlier, right Yaoyorozu? I’ve given you enough time to warm-up, right? Bakugou-kun, if you’ll excuse us--”

Katsuki grimaces and turns with a shrug of one shoulder, fully intending to get the fuck out of there and pretend that seeing Momo in that ruby red tracksuit of hers didn’t simultaneously make all of his guts feel like lead and his chest feel like it’s on fire and his brain go stupid. But two steps into his jog, he hears her call out from behind him.

“Bakugou-san. Race me.”

He stops in his tracks. A ridiculous look is on his face when he glares at her.

“Uh. Yaoyorozu?” Honenuki stammers, astonished. “What… are you doing?”

What the fuck is she doing? One eyebrow raised, he gives her the most lackadaisical smirk he can manage. “You heard the bony fucker. What the fuck are you doing?”

“You heard me. Race against me and Honenuki-san.”

“And why the fuck would I do that?”

“We made a bet,” she says. Arms crossed, with a confidence and swagger she pulled out of nowhere, she steps closer to Katsuki and looks him right in the eye. “Loser does whatever the winner says, no questions asked. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Honenuki stammers something useless behind her that Katsuki doesn’t catch. All he’s able to see is the fire in her eyes, the steely determination, the sudden absence of uneasiness and fear in them.

He’s fuckin’ mesmerized, but he doesn’t say it. Still, he doesn’t know what the fuck she’s up to. “I ain’t interested in racing against slowpokes like you,” he says, mockingly.

She shrugs. “Afraid? Well… I suppose I can’t blame you.”

Afraid?! Who’s afraid?!

She turns, the ponytail of hers swishing behind her and falling down her slender back in the way he really likes. Not enough that the swelling irritation in him calms down though. He grabs her shoulder roughly, pulls her in so that she sees the rage in him up close and personal. “Who’s fuckin’ afraid, Ponytail?”

She doesn’t flinch. Just smirks in a way he’s never seen before, eyes burning hot. “It’s on, then.”

“You bet your fuckin’ brains it’s on.”

Behind them, Honenuki sighs in exasperation.  

 *

 The route for the race is simple enough--a loop starting from the Lawson in the corner, passing through 5th avenue and back through the side streets, roughly 1.5 km in distance, uphill at the start and downhill to the finish line.

“So whoever reaches this spot wins,” Honenuki says, tapping the pedestrian lane with one foot. “Do your best you two, but I gotta tell ya, I hate to lose.”

“I know you do, Honenuki-san,” Momo says with a smile. “But I won’t lose just for you.”

Katsuki scoffs. These two are fuckin’ dead.

Momo leaves an alarm-clock like contraption at the side of the street, the sound of which will signal the start of the race. They take their places behind the line, with Honenuki in the middle. Katsuki leans down and focuses on the street in front of him.

The alarm sounds, and they run.

Predictably, Katsuki takes the lead so easily it’s comical. Despite all the shit that has happened to him, he’s kept himself strong and fast and sharp all these years, not slacking off working out even when he was incredibly busy in the hospital. Being strong is all he knows after all, since he was young and had all those stupid dreams of being a pro--

(He was going to be the strongest of them, he was going to be number one, better than anyone in history, better than All Might… he was, he really was, if only--)

He hears footsteps thudding behind him, far away. His legs are screaming and his lungs are thirsty for air, but he can still keep going. He hears ragged breathing louder than he hears their footsteps, making him smirk in victory.

(What the actual fuck was Momo thinking, challenging him like this? She’s really soft and really gentle, he knows, remembers just how those legs and thighs feel under his touch--transformed them into jelly with just his hands and mouth--does she really expect herself to outrun him with those beautiful legs of hers--)

He reaches the top of the hill and begins to feel the strain of sprinting his way up there. He slows down a bit, but not too much to allow either of them to snatch the lead from him. He turns to the sidestreets, where the downhill slope begins, and continues the run.

It’s hard on his knees, but he can manage it. Soon he sees the convenience store and the finish line, and there’s no fuckin’ way that those two brainiacs can snatch the victory from him--

He laughs out loud--there’s too much adrenaline through his veins now, more than he knows what to do with. In an attempt to use it up, he screams, “See ya at the finish line, losers!” which echoes along the empty alleyways, reverberating with the roll of wheels against the concrete--

What. Wheels?

He doesn’t realize it soon enough--the rolling noise comes closer, next to him, then ahead of him, in a blur of red and black, ponytail whipping him in the face along the way.

“The f--”

The sight of Yaoyorozu Momo, in just a sports bra and track pants, jacket nowhere to be seen, riding a fuckin’ longboard like she’s Tony fuckin’ Hawk, should be the stuff of his pubertal fantasies on a normal day.

But seeing her edging closer to the finish line like a fuckin’ cheater just makes him want to explode. 

So he explodes. “Oh no you fuckin’ don’t, Ponytail!!!”

His hands explode behind him like jets and propel him forward. He flies in mid-air, reaching the blue of the sky, faster than he’s ever allowed himself to fly, falling faster than even that.

Soon he sees concrete and red and black, zooming closer and closer--Momo reaches the finish line and looks up at him in sheer horror--

Shit I’m gonna kill her. We’re gonna die, he thinks a tad too late. He reaches out for her, catches her in his arms, twists them so that it’s him that will take the brunt of the crash on the unforgiving pavement, and…

He lands, with a splort.

Not the nicest of sounds, but it’s a safe and soft sound, at least.

Honenuki emerges from the ground beside them, wheezing as if he swam a mile. “Oh my gosh, are you guys okay? I barely just made it here--”

Katsuki wheezes back, “I’m good…”

Honenuki exhales in relief, and pulls himself up as if he’s in a swimming pool. “How about you, Yaoyorozu? Honestly, I thought I was going to have to bring you guys to the hospital after this race--”

Momo isn’t moving very much, but Katsuki feels her breathing. He rubs his hand across her bare back and arms. No fractures there, at least. “Oi. Skeletor’s talking to you. You okay?”

She looks up, nods. And slaps him hard on the face.

“What the fuck, Momo?!”

“Yes, Honenuki-san, I’m okay, because I. Won.” She stands up and stumbles onto the solid ground nearby. Dusting herself off, she doesn’t spare him a glance when she says, sternly, “And you deserve that, Katsuki.”

He knows he does, but what the fuck is this timing?! Right after challenging him to a fuckin’ race and then cheating to get to the finish line, what the hell?! And she’s the one getting pissed?! “Who the fuck won?! Using your quirk to win, that’s fuckin’ cheating!”

“Whoever crosses the line first, wins. There’s no rule against using quirks,” she points out matter-of-factly. “Among the three of us, it’s obviously me. So the two of you owe me.”

By this time, Katsuki’s out of the mud, and Honenuki has turned the ground solid again. But while he is staring dumbly at Momo and her uncharacteristic snappiness, the mudman only looks mildly miffed at the turn of events like he expects it.

“You won fair and square, I guess, so I owe you breakfast,” Honenuki tells her. Eyeing the two of them and the unresolved issues between them, he points a thumb away from them. “I’ll go ahead and order for us, Yaoyorozu. See ya in a bit.”

She smiles, and lets him go ahead. When he’s out of sight, she eyes Katsuki with a disconcerting quiet. A breeze blows past them, making her ponytail sway with the wind, spikes flowing behind her gracefully like she’s in a shampoo commercial.

She… is ridiculously attractive like this, Katsuki thinks, making his loss all the more unbearable. He bares his teeth at her threateningly, and grits out, “What.”

She tilts her head, raises her eyebrows in question. “I beg your pardon?”

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “So. You fuckin’ won and shit, even though you cheated me out of it, but apparently I owe you something. What do you want.”

She smirks--who the fuck taught her how to smirk, he’s going to kill the bastard who made her face even more attractive than it is--and steps closer to him. “Don’t worry, Katsuki. I’m not going to make you do something for me. I just… want to know something. Please answer me truthfully.”

He tries his best not to make a face. He knew she was going to use this win to dig out some answer that he isn’t prepared to give, or to let Momo hear. It’s why he tried his best to win in the first place.

Shit, he should have blasted his way to the finish line from the start. Stupid rule. Still, if Momo has to resort to shit like this, maybe it’s what she needs right now. So he steels himself and says, “What do you want to know?”

Shit, he's done it. She's going to ask about that shitty fucking Deku, why he's ready to kill that fucker on the spot. She's going to ask what the fuck happened to his brain, why Best Jeanist knows him since middle school, why that guy called him Dr. Bakugou, why he quit medicine altogether. Why Shinsou and Kirishima treat him like he's a toddler who can't take care of himself. Why he's like this.

Why he couldn't man up and face her.

She inhales softly, onyx eyes gently searching his. Searching for what, he doesn’t know, but the intensity of her eyes is too much. He looks away and focuses on the pole behind her head.

When she speaks, he feels pressure welling up in her, as if she braces herself to stand against a tsunami. “When,” she says, after a meaningful pause, “is your birthday?”

He stares at her dumbly, waiting for the punchline.

“... what.”

She repeats with all dignity, no nonsense: “When is your birthday?”

“My birthday,” he repeats incredulously. “The reward of the win you almost died for. You’re using it up to know my birthday.” He doesn’t know how his face looks like. It must look like a confused pile of shit, but Momo doesn’t falter, not even with the ridiculous look he gives her.

“Yes,” she answers primly. “Are you going to honor our bet, or not? It’s exceedingly simple, Katsuki.”

He scoffs and keeps himself from mumbling a curse under his breath. “Suit yourself,” he finally grumbles, rubbing his forehead. Taking another deep breath, as if he’s about to reveal a deadly truth about himself, he rasps out, “April 20th.”

“April 20th,” she repeats, with a nod. “Year?”

What the fuck, he thinks to himself, as he rumbles out the year, still incredulous.

She processes this information briefly and nods. “So you’re 27 years old,” she says. “As am I.”

He shrugs. He knows she’s just turned 27 last September 23rd. Because they talked about teas, and she mentioned some snooty cousin of hers who gave her tea from the Himalayas for her birthday, and then she asked about his birthday and he and refused to tell her, just skirted around the question until they were talking about something else, and--

Wait, why didn’t he tell her that back then? There was no reason not to tell, come to think of it. Before he can think too deeply about it, she’s giving him a curt bow and turning away.

“Thank you for telling me,” she says politely, beginning to half-jog away from him. “I have to go now, Honenuki-san is waiting.”

Katsuki nods dumbly and grunts. Again. How many times has he dumbed down in front of this girl this morning, seriously?

With a swish of her ponytail and a small, genuine smile on her mouth this time, she adds, “I suppose I’ll learn more about you when you lose, next time.”

“When I lose?! Oi, who’s gonna--”

But before he can finish the sentence with a juicy profanity, she’s already running off like she hasn’t this morning, not looking back. Soon, she’s gone, and he’s alone on the empty streets of Hosu, exhausted beyond belief but less heavy with secrets and regret. He strangely feels more alive than he felt before.

He shakes his head and begins his walk home. There’s no fuckin’ way he’ll lose to Ponytail next time, though, secrets be damned.

[osmw1]

Poison-Wielding Fugitive   Chapter 26

“Uh, umm… Yukihisa?” “Hmm? What?”

I stop in between bites and look up at Arleaf and her parents.

“Are you okay… eating that much? Please don’t force yourself.”

Arleaf’s mom comes to her senses and brings me countless bottles of antidotes from the shop.

“Oh, I’m fine. In fact, I can’t get enough of this incredible flavor. Heck, I feel stronger than ever before.”

Let me check my status. Whoa… that’s crazy! All my stats have gone up, along with my health and mana regeneration. I even earn experience and skills quicker too. Oh, and my poison attacks do more damage… I can’t believe how many bonuses I’m getting. Just out of curiosity, I open up the menu and see what kind of poisons I can create.

Toxin of Arleaf’s Poison Cooking

The text is flickering a little, but I got a new option. Kinda cruel for a name. But it seems quite powerful, so I’d better not mess with it. I finished my plate while checking my status.

“Thanks for the meal.”

Mm. My body feels light and nimble. The fatigue that had built up seems to have disappeared as well. I feel so ready to go hunt in the swamp right now.

“Let me take a look at you, alright?”

Arleaf’s mom holds her hand to my forehead. I was told this afterwards, but apparently her class is Physician.

“Clean bill of health for you. No adverse effects or anything at all.” “C-Cohgray knows how to use storage magic. I bet he was just pretendin’ he was eatin’ it.” “Dear? Have you forgotten that our daughter’s cooking has Resist? He would be quite the monster if he were able to do that.”

Resist, huh? I didn’t know that was a thing. Does that mean I can’t store it? But what’s the reasoning behind it?

“Oh, uhh, that reminds me…”

Arleaf’s dad looks like he’s in deep thought as folds his arms together, muttering.

“It’s just some rumor I’ve heard from other adventurers, but they say you bathe in the swamp, Cohgray… I just laughed it off, but…”

Gah?! Don’t tell me I was being watched? It’s so unrealistic, it could be passed off as a joke. But now it might seem credible after all. Maybe I can brush it off with one of the Black Company Secret Techniques, Poker Face?

“You were floating face up when I found you too. Could it be…”

Arleaf follows up with a snipe, dealing critical damage! What should I do?! How do I brush them off now? Does magic solve everything? Help me, Veno!

‘… blub blub blub.’

Damn it! You useless dragon! I bet you’re just blowing bubbles right now, aren’t you?! I have no choice! Time to get serious!

“Uh, yeah… the truth is that I’m a Poison-Wielder, an uncommon specialty class. Not only does poison not hurt me, it even makes me stronger. And I’m here in this village because of the proximity to the swamp. So that’s why I was able to eat all of that…”

That was a little harsh, but it’s the truth. I’m sure it’s okay telling them. In fact, they might suspect me more if I were to hide it from them. And since Bloodflower is a disease from a long time ago, they won’t be able to blame me for it either!

“What’d you just say?!” “That’s… but… hmm…”

Arleaf’s dad sinks into deeper thought. At least he understood why I was able to eat Arleaf’s cooking.

“I’m an expert with poison, so I know what’s safe and what’s not for human consumption. That’s also why that acquaintance of mine was so willing to train me.”

Finally, the father pats his daughter on the shoulder.

“Arleaf, this may just be fate. Cohgray… I’m sure he will accept all of you. Don’t let this slip by.” “What are you saying?”

Wasn’t he fine with his daughter marrying late?

“Cohgray. Don’t be a stranger anymore. From now on, call me your father-in-law.”

Well, it’s refreshing that he’s changed his attitude about me. But who was it that threatened me with poison again?

“I am very grateful, but Arleaf herself has not said agreed to this, so I’m afraid that I cannot accept your offer.”

We’ve already agreed to have Arleaf only assist me, not to mention that she’s only helping me while I’m here.

“Yukihisa… umm, my father has already given you his blessing… so please treat me well from now on.”

No, wait, time out. Sure, your father has given me permission, but this ain’t quite right. Plus, the one they call Cohgray of the Swamps just finished a plate of Arleaf’s Poison Cooking… they’ll start calling me Cohgray, the Poison Eater.

“Oh, who’da guessed?! Haha! I didn’t think there’d be anyone in this world to have such a talent to not only eat, but to finish all of Arleaf’s cooking! Ah-haha!”

I join them for a meal again; this time lunch. Arleaf’s mom is cooking for us all. Yeah, I feel fine. I can eat. In the midst of lunch, Arleaf’s father takes out a bottle of liquor from somewhere and starts knocking back drink after drink. He sure is happy. Why would he—a man who dotes on his daughter so much, he’s willing to chase away all his likely sons-in-law—be so happy to have found a potential groom for his daughter? I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he thinks.

“Aren’t you being a little too honest, dear?” “No way I can stop! We’ve found someone to accept Arleaf completely! She’ll no longer be accused of poisoning people anymore. She didn’t even have to sacrifice anything either. How can I not be happy?!”

He was probably against marrying his daughter off to protect her, but maybe also to protect her husband. So that she doesn’t come to any harm with her ability of Poison Cooking…

“One of these days, Father, I shall mix my cooking into yours.” “If you think yer up to it, bring it on! Haha!”

Don’t egg your daughter on. The murderous rage hiding behind that smile of Arleaf’s is terrifying.

“Mu.” ‘Unbelievable… the flavor was revolting. To be able to knock out a dragon… from time to time, humans are truly capable of great feats.’

Muu began to regain consciousness shortly afterwards and Veno did so only slightly sooner. Maybe he recovered quickly since he’s a Poison Dragon after all.

‘Just tasting it was enough. If I had eaten it, who knows what would have happened.’

Veno guessed what had happened while he was knocked out.

‘I would never recommend thee to let others know thy intent, but it could have gone worse, especially considering the bonuses thou had gained from the food.’

Well… If I ever need to go slay monsters, I could always go and have some of Arleaf’s cooking first. It’ll buff my abilities and give me a bonus to leveling up my skills too. No reason not to use it right up ‘til the enemy comes knocking at the door. I could also get Arleaf to pack me a bento. It’d be more effective than any half-assed potion.

Well, I can gloss the whole uncommon Poison-Wielder thing over. I didn’t say anything about having a dragon inside my mind. And it doesn’t really have anything to do with Veno anyway.

“Good grief… how shameful, drinking before your meal even started. Dinner’s ready.”

Arleaf’s mother begins to bring course after course out. Wow… there’s a soup with a bunch of different ingredients and something that resembles a pizza. It smells absolutely delicious.

“Then, let us pray first. Oh, you don’t need to mind us, Mr. Cohgray.” “No, please, go ahead.”

Arleaf’s family gets seated, rests their elbows on the dining table, and clasps their hand together.

“The Holy Dragon who slumbers in our world, we are able to join together here today for a meal at your mercy. We vow to do good with your gift, which we are about to receive.”

Arleaf’s whole family mutters the same words and pray together. They’re the type to pray before every meal, eh? I’m not much of a religious man and I don’t understand much. But I know that prayer important to them religious types, so I remain silent for them. And I’m guessing that it’s good that they’re praying to some holy dragon, since it’d have nothing to do with the country that’s after Veno’s head.

‘Aye, indeed. Followers of the Teachings of the Sacred Yggdrasil would dedicate their prayers to something like “Mother Nature, our tree” or something like that.’ “Muu muu muu…”

Muu plays along and mutters something too. You’re a sly dog, aren’t you? Acting all cute.

“Now then, let’s dig in. Mr. Cohgray, you go ahead as well.” “Hahaha. From now on, Cohgray’s got Arleaf’s cooking to look forward to. Don’t worry about it.” “Father, if you don’t cut that out, I will be angry at you.” “That’s right. It’s a big day for Arleaf, so hold back a little, won’t you?” “Ah-haha! I can’t help myself!”

I ignore Arleaf’s father being all jolly and start eating. Mm. This is indeed really delicious. Considering I’ve been eating tough steaks at the tavern and as well as my own cooking, this is miles better. It seems like this isn’t the cheap stuff either. Must be because I’m over for lunch.

Oh, yeah. I could also give them some steak that’s been marinated in Mollifying Poison. I may have used poison, but it tastes great after all. As long as I explain it clearly to them, it should be alright.

“Oh, I had almost forgotten. Sorry for interrupting the conversation, but Arleaf, you’re going to have to explain to Mr. Cohgray what you can do.”

Having been instructed by her mom, Arleaf goes all embarrassed and nods without making eye contact.

“Umm, right. Before I was a Chemist, I had been a unique first job. I’ve changed back to that job to aid you as a party member.” “Oh? You were specced into a weird class like I was, Arleaf?” “It would be more accurately described as unique to our lineage.” “That’s right. We have quite the weird clan! We’ve even got relatives who are clergymen, y’know?”

Arleaf’s father, that drunkard, says boastfully.

“This part is the one that is a little different. I’ve changed into a more magic-focused class called D-Psy Earth. I am level 13 with my D-Psy Earth and level 18 for my Chemist. Hopefully, I will be useful to you in battle.”

Hmm, I see… seems like Arleaf not only knows Poison Cooking but has foundations in magic as well. That initial D doesn’t stand for anything weird, like “Deadly,” does it? She does know Poison Cooking after all.

“And since I’ve learned Magic Sense before I was a Chemist, I am able to attack and heal with magic. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be of any use to you…” “And that D…?” “…”

Ah, Arleaf looked away.

“I… I was born with a skill called ‘Death-Beckoning Cooking’…”

previously: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /ch015/ /ch016/ /ch017/ /ch018/ /ch019/ /ch020/ /ch021/ /ch022/ /ch023/ /ch024/ /ch025/ /ch026/ /next/ (full list of translated chapters) (discussion thread on Novel Updates) (please support me on Patreon or Paypal)

[hopefulfestivaltastemaker]

July 25, 2021

My weekly roundup of things I am up to. Topics include demand and economic growth, planned obsolescence, and charter cities.

Demand and Economic Growth

Much has been written, including by me on this blog, about factors that drive long term economic growth. They are usually factors of supply: technology, (human) capital, and the culture and institutions that are conducive to developing these things. Basic reasoning tells us that the demand for a product, and by extension the output of the economy as a whole, must be equal to supply, so wouldn’t understanding factors that drive demand be as important to understanding economic growth as the factors that drive supply?

For the 19th century and up to the Great Depression, the most common answer to the demand question was Say’s Law. “Supply creates its own demand” is an oversimplified expression of the law. Another formulation is that there cannot be a general glut, or an overproduction of all goods simultaneously, at least not for an extended period of time. Say’s Law abstracts out the role of money, which is only a tool for facilitating exchange of goods, and notes that the purchasing power of consumers writ large must be equal to their production, so demand equals supply.

The Great Depression, which appears to have been a general glut that lasted more than a decade, is obviously a challenge to the doctrine. The widely, but by no means universally, accepted view today is the Keynesian view that general gluts can occur due to supply outstripping demand, causing chronic unemployment and idling of capital.

Somewhat counter to this is the view associated with monetarists and free market advocates who salvage’s Say’s Law by treating money, as a congealed form of production that can easily be moved across space and time, as another good for which there can be demand. When there is an excess demand for money, consumption of other goods falls and the result is a recession or depression. The free market outfit Foundation for Economic Education expounds this view.

Social resources can be reinvested into valuable but not economically productive ways, such as environmental protection or increased leisure time. One of the common hypotheses for the slowdown in economic growth since the 1970s is that, as people more easily satisfy basic needs, they choose to invest resources in this way; Dietrich Vollrath, who I’ve mentioned before, is a proponent of such a view. I am sure that there is a wealth of well-developed research into this issue, but I haven’t looked into it yet.

About 70% of the US economy is some form of consumer spending. Even most of the remaining pieces, business investment and governmental expenses, can be regarded as supporting consumer spending indirectly. I don’t think it will change any time soon that the needs and wants of individuals are what drives the demand side of the economic equation.

A jaundiced view, which is prevalent among degrowth circles, is that consumerism is driven by marketing and does not represent an authentic human desire. Thus economic growth entails an expansion of resource use without an improvement in well-being. Last week I discussed part of this argument, namely that marketing causes an overall increase in the demand for consumer goods, and that there is little evidence to support this claim as far as I am aware.

This book discusses drivers of long-term economic growth at length. While it is interesting, the book goes deep into methodological details and for most readers will probably be too long for the information it conveys. Anyway, the author too discusses supply-side factors at length but addresses demand only in a cursory way, noting the controversy around Say’s Law. He also notes the interesting dichotomy that since the Depression, demand-side factors dominate the discussion around business cycles (how many times have you heard a politician say something to the effect of “We need to stimulate demand and get the economy moving again”?), but supply-side factors remain the center of discussion of long term growth. A paper and an article note that demand is the result of, but not the cause of, economic growth.

Anyway, I think this review shows first that demand is a huge topic with many facets that are important to understand, and second that my understanding of the issue remains muddled.

Planned Obsolescence

Planned obsolescence is the idea that companies build products to last for an uneconomically short period of time. The idea fits into the larger anti-consumerism thinking, as planned obsolescence is supposedly a tool that is used to drive consumption. The idea was perhaps best developed in Vance Packard’s The Waste Makers, a 1960 broad-based critique of consumer culture, though it certainly existed before then and can probably be traced deep into the misty recesses of time.

The epithet “planned” is probably not accurate, according to this paper. They conduct a number of interviews with industrial designers and find no evidence that there is a deliberate effort to shorten product lifespans. If premature obsolescence happens, it is due to unseen market forces, not conspiracies.

Nevertheless, there does seem to be evidence that uneconomically short product lifespans are a reality, particular in situations where monopolies operate, but also sometimes in competitive markets as well. The phenomenon can be observed in the frequency of new editions of textbooks. This paper has a few interesting stats in the introduction about product lifespan.

This paper details three mechanisms by which planned obsolescence may happen: technological obsolescence, otherwise useful products going out of style (”perceived obsolescence”), and the bundling of many product features, most of which are not useful to the owner. The latter phenomenon is well known to a person who has looked at the bloatware problem in software.

In defense of short lifetimes, this paper argues that in a competitive market, product lifespans might actually be too long, hindering technological progress that is a positive spillover from product replacement. This paper argues that short lifetimes may create an incentive for product improvements in other areas.

If product lifetimes are uneconomically short, then products need to be replaced more often, which increases the overall environmental impact that products impose. This concern puts planned obsolescence on the environmental agenda, with this paper an example. For this reason there are a number of legislative moves against short lifespans. I would be generally skeptical. It is difficult to know when a product lifetime is “uneconomical” and a minefield of hazards to ask a regulator to make this determination.

Effectiveness of Charter Cities

A charter city is an arrangement for a city, under the auspices of a private entity or a separate nation, to operate independently of most civil laws in its host country. The hope is that charter cities will be able to experiment with new policies and be a vehicle of reform within the host country.

An analysis from Rethink Priorities, coming from an effective altruism standpoint, last month throws some cold water on this idea. The report is based on a more extensive World Bank analysis of special economic zones, with are similar in concept to charter cities but generally smaller in geography and policy scope. These analyses call into question whether charter cities/SEZ’s really catalyze broader changes, and thus whether they are more effective investments than other anti-poverty tools. One should keep in mind that for each highly effective project, such as Shenzhen under Deng Xiaoping, there are many others that have not been effective.

The recent report is, I am sure, far from the last word on the subject.

[dirtydragonthoughts]

All those secret rules...

I was gonna do this as a commentary on a reblog of this post, but I wanted to talk a little about some personal(ish) stuff and didn’t want it attached to the main post.

I’m gonna stick this all behind a “read more” cut to avoid cluttering up people’s feeds with my navel-gazing...

I have rules for my writing, just like the OP explained in the post I linked. But I’ve been trying to dissect whether my rules come from my subconscious, or whether they come from work.

My RL job is writing. I’m a professional writer, but... not like that. I guarantee you’ve never read anything that I’ve written (or if you have, I am very surprised). I am a technical writer, and I spend my days writing computer procedures, policy documents, communications, etc. 

I point at the Kurt Vonnegut quote in the Wikipedia article I linked for an explanation of what my work writing is like: in my work writing, I can’t sound like me. We have a corporate "voice” that sounds like everyone and no one. It’s carefully cultivated, and it’s my job to mimic the tone and sound of our corporate voice in everything that I write. 

So while it might be a little strange that I write all day at work, then come home and plop myself down again and do more writing in my free time, I find it freeing. At work I have to focus and get the sound of my writing correct, in addition to making it accurate and clear and easy to understand. It’s hard. When I come home and work on my fanfics, I feel free.

Mostly.

See, I do have writing rules, but I don’t really know whether they are ones that my subconscious feels like I have to do because of how my work brain interprets “things to do,” or whether they are just something that my anxiety has cooked up for me.

Here are a few. Some are the same as the OP of the Secret Rules post:

If there is a good scene coming up, I need to work up to it in chronological order. This isn’t to say that I always write chronologically; in one of my current WIPs, I left a bunch of holes that said “insert Prowl POV here” and moved on. But if there’s a scene coming up that I’m excited about, I won’t let myself write it. 

If I need a new throwaway character (especially in TF fics), I will spend three hours on TFWiki looking for the perfect character to use, rather than just popping out an OC and carrying on. (There are exceptions to that, but not many.)

If I’m writing anything regarding canon stuff (that I intend to be canon) I will research obsessively to make sure I got all of the nuances down. 

And my big one: I need to keep producing. Write write write. Churn it out. Get more words down so I have more “product” to post.

It’s that last one that I think comes from work, and it’s the one I’m most afraid of.

We’re not measured on output at work: that would be insane. We have some tasks that are super quick things we can whip out in an hour that might be 800 words, while getting the details and approvals for adding three words to an existing document might take months. But we are measured on productivity, and I think that’s bled over into my fanfic writing.

I haven’t been writing in the TF fandom for very long: just under a year. But I’ve already churned out (checks AO3 stats) over 250k. Is it all good? It’s probably all right. Might it have been better if I haven’t been in a self-made panic to always have something ready to post and something else that I was working on in the pipeline? 

Probably.

And even now, I look at the progress report I just posted and find myself worrying. That long fic is kinda angsty crap, although if I finish it I’m probably going to post it anyway. And the short fic is agonizing how slowly it’s coming. But I feel the need to only work on those just so I have something to post soon!

Why?! 

I need to step back and remind myself that I’m doing this for fun. And in fact, I have a whole slew of other fics that have been burbling in the back of my head that I’d like to start on, but... my brain kept telling me to work on the ones I’ve started first.

Well, fuck you, brain.

I don’t want to burn myself out. I’ve having a hell of a lot of fun finding different ways to smush giant car robots together and make them hug and kiss and have adventures together. 

So I’m going to open some new documents tonight, and get some new WIPs going... The WIPs that have been occupying my brain lately. 

I need to remind myself that I am writing for me. *nods*

[discoabc]

Ch 22 Deleted Scene: Ninja Info Cards

A/N: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbjXmBmHAdk ur welcome ; )

ANYWAY I didn’t use this scene because it was waaay too canon compliant and also would’ve probably had to have the rookie nine’s reaction to Sakura which I’m still hanging onto. Cuts off suddenly bc I realized I didn’t want to use the scene but I still think it’s pretty good. 

Crowded was a word. A very good word, describing what it was like when lots of people were in one place.

It did not describe how packed room 301 was.

A lot of people had turned at the sound of the doors opening, Naruto flinching at how many stares had suddenly latched onto him. But Sasuke simply glowered back, unpeturbed by the attention. The tension felt thick, choking, and I wanted nothing else than to turn on my heel and walk out.

That is until a familiar girl came flying out of nowhere towards Sasuke.

Sasuke’s hands shot out of his pockets, starting to move into a defensive stance, but his ‘attacker’ was not, in fact, hostile and, after realizing this, he clearly didn’t know what to do. So he allowed the purple blur to crash into him, stumbling backwards.

“Sasuke-kun! It’s been far too long, I missed you~!” Ino lathered on the sickly sweet tone as she caught Sasuke in a tight hug, the Uchiha barely able to keep his balance. He shot a look over at me that was something in between confusion, horror and a begrudging request for help.

No, fuck that.

“And there she goes.” Another familiar voice sounded as Sasuke’s eyes narrowed into a glare at my obvious refusal to free him from Ino’s clutches, the Uchiha having to instead attempt to slowly pry the girl off of him but to little avail. I turned to see Shikamaru and Chōji approaching, the former shooting a look of mild exasperation at Ino’s antics but clearly not wishing to get involved either.

“Oh, it’s you guys!” Any kind of apprehension Naruto could’ve been feeling melted away fast and he grinned over at the two members of team ten.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “Huh, you actually got nominated for this dumb exam too?” It was said in a tone of slight disbelief. Naruto had been dead last in class after all so it was no wonder his nomination for the chūnin exams was surprising.

The blonde caught the insinuation and scowled. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!” He might’ve shown a falter in his confidence to team seven yesterday but there was no way in hell he was going to be anything but self-assured in front of anyone else.

“Geez, relax a bit will ya?” Shikamaru rolled his eyes, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His gaze briefly flicked to me and on reflex, I shifted my stare away only to see team eight approaching too.

“Look’s like we all made it,” Kiba smirked, shooting Sasuke a challenging look that the Uchiha was more than happy to return. “The nine rookies all here together, huh?”

Bad.

We were quickly becoming more and more of a focal point for everyone else. Standing right by the exit and talking loudly amongst ourselves was a sure fire way to get everyone’s attention. But I couldn’t exactly break away from the group now without my team. Everyone in the room was in threes and being on your own was like asking for the whole room to stare-

It was for that exact reason my eyes found Kabuto almost instantaneously.

He was moving towards us slowly, expression the perfect image of mild exasperation. Everything twisted inside me, less from fear at his presence and more in despair at what him approaching us actually meant. I’d been hoping in miserable vain that because Sasuke didn’t have his sharingan Orochimaru wouldn’t be interested in him yet. But the snake wanted a Uchiha and a Uchiha he was going to get, even if he had to wait a little while to get the famed dōjutsu. Kabuto going out of his way to interact with us heavily indicated Orochimaru had latched his eyes onto my teammate.

Damn it. Damn it.

Stay calm.

I turned out to not be the only one to notice the boy’s approach. Shino had twisted around a little, expression as unreadable as ever but clearly tensing up. Shikamaru’s eyes darted between both me and the Aburame, obviously seeing both of our reactions and tilting his head to see what we’d seen too. Sasuke was next and he set his jaw, gaze flicking briefly to me in question as to whether I knew who the guy was.

“You newbies should settle down a little. This isn’t some school trip y’know.”

All of my ex-classmates stopped talking. Ino’s arms retracted from around Sasuke’s shoulders, gaze suspicious, but it was Kiba who bit first, eyes narrowing. “Who the hell are you?” He demanded to know, joking, amused tone from earlier having vanished abruptly.

Kabuto hadn’t exactly won points by patronising us. Then again, he had every reason to think of us as children compared to him. I might not have been absolutely terrified of the boy because I knew he wasn’t going to outright attack me and his power level paled when compared to Orochimaru, but he wasn’t a pushover by any stretch of the word. He could kill us all without even breaking a sweat.

“I’m Kabuto,” he introduced himself, placing his hand on his hip and offering a rather condescending smile. “But I think you should worry less about who I am, more about how much attention you’re all drawing to yourselves. Honestly, it’s painfully obvious this is your first time at the exams.”

“Maybe we just don’t shy away from a little attention.” It was Ino’s turn to bite back, gaze darting around the room however and taking in the fact a lot of people were staring at us. “What’s it to you, anyway?”

Kabuto put his hands up in a display of surrender. “Just trying to give a bit of friendly advice to the rookies. Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off like I was criticising you.”

That was a bold-faced lie if I’d ever heard one. Even Naruto seemed to have caught on Kabuto wasn’t exactly presenting himself as our greatest ally, eyes darting to me in a similar questioning gesture to Sasuke’s earlier. What was Kabuto’s game here? If he was trying to integrate himself with us then he was doing a pretty awful job at it. Was he just trying to make himself a familiar face? This was certainly a way to get us to remember him if nothing else.

“Look, how about I make it up to you. I’ve been in a lot of these exams and have acquired a lot of information over the years. I can spare to show you guys some of my ninja-info cards if you want.”

I couldn’t believe the name was supposed to be anything but purposefully childish. There was a specific image Kabuto was attempting to present to us of himself and he was succeeding magnificently at it. Through the utter distrust and terror that squirmed underneath the surface, I was in morbid awe of his ability to do this.

Watching as he demonstrated how to reveal the information, Kabuto then shot us another smile, this time with a smug edge to it. “So, have anything you want to find out? I have information on participants too - of course, you lot included.”

Something dropped in the pit of my stomach at the thought. How much did Kabuto know about me personally? How had he managed to acquire it? No, there was no point thinking about that. This was Kabuto. All thinking about it would do was set off a chain of growing terror and now really wasn’t the time to acquire a deafening fear of him.

“Then show me what you have on my team.”

I snapped my gaze to Sasuke, surprise bubbling up inside me at the request. It was a good choice.

A/N: It’s been a while since I wrote this but I think the reasoning behind why this was a good choice was so that team 7 would know ‘everything’ Kabuto knew about them and therefore Kabuto wouldn’t have the upper hand on them anymore if they had to face off in any way. It would also confirm the validity of Kabuto’s findings since if his stats on them were right then presumably his other info cards would be accurate too. And to top it all off, Sasuke’s kinda telling Kabuto straight to his face that he doesn’t trust him one bit in a way that would probably piss someone off jfjfjf

[lawyernovelist]

Review: The Last Jedi

At last! No excuses, it's just taken longer than I expected.

This is the first in my series reviewing The Last Jedi, giving a rough overview of the film and my impressions. I have a lot of them, but I'm going to try to keep this general and go into more detail on particular characters and arcs later.

Cut for spoilers for the new Star Wars trilogy (and the original trilogy, just to be safe) and some light spoilers for the Hobbit movies.

First thing to get it said: this was a gorgeous movie. The visuals were stunning; the shot of the fighters going across that salt flat and leaving red trails took my breath away and it was one of so many gorgeous moments. I could see everything in the fight scenes, there was just the right amount of slow-mo to make things dramatic without slowing things down, and basically one of my first comments once the credits were rolling and I'd got my breath back a bit was "That was pretty!". The new critters were great - the porgs weren't nearly as annoying as I was afraid they might be, though I do have to ask who the vegetarian on the writing team was because that scene was viscerally upsetting - and I liked the fact that they weren't purely tacked on to sell toys; there was little relevance to them, but they were there.

Can I just say again how nice it is to watch an action-heavy film with that much colour and such gorgeous visuals? Fie on all of you who say that mature movies can't be a joy to look at!

And damn, this movie was very grown-up. I really liked the themes of consequences and responsibility and trust and the idea that the protagonists can be wrong.

OK, there's a lot to talk about here and I'm having trouble working out where to start, hence the fact that this post - and now this series - is another one that I keep drafting and re-drafting. I think I'll start with the fact that, despite the fact that I've done my best not to expose myself to other people's reviews before writing my own, it hasn't escaped my notice that this film has not been as popular as the last one.

Now, I actually do get that. I really liked this film, but that doesn't mean it wasn't flawed and doesn't mean that the things I liked wouldn't be things that wouldn't upset people. For a start, that thing I mentioned up there about the movie being very grown-up. I don't want to sound patronising, but I do get that someone might quite reasonably protest that they don't come to Star Wars to be made uncomfortable about the nature of heroism, the fading of glory, and the difference between the good guys and the bad guys. It's just that I lap that kind of thing up. Plus, of course, I absolutely get how certain plot developments are, at first blush, a touch anti-climactic.

The thing is, though, that I say those plot developments come across as anti-climactic, but they actually do a lot for some of the themes starting to show up here. I'm going to go more into those shortly, but the first impression I had is that someone knows their Harry Potter with the whole idea of it not mattering where you came from but what choices you make: that was very much what I took away from the reveal of who Rey's parents were (and that it is Rey Random after all - I was rooting for Skywalker, but I'll take it), especially combined with some of the stuff Luke said about Ren and his "mighty Skywalker blood".

Another thing that this movie talked a lot about was new beginnings, and I think some of the stuff they did with that is another thing that some of the really die-hard fans have taken badly. Now, I'm not a die-hard Star Wars fan. I only recently watched Episodes 5 and 6 and haven't seen 4 since I was a kid, I never really read into any of the background information, and in fact it was only when I saw Force Awakens that I realised there might actually be something to this sci-fi movie series that everyone kept talking about.

I know that seems like an obvious conclusion, but popularity is no indication of quality - look at Twilight - and that goes double when it's something that's a massive cultural touchstone that it's blasphemy not to like. On an unrelated topic, Don't try to tell me about the beauty and power of Moby Dick. I don't care if it's a classic of American literature, I would actually rather re-read Twilight than continue to try to get through that book.

Also, side-note, how come nobody ever told me about Leia strangling Jabba the Hutt with that chain?

Anyway, I do get why someone who had grown up with Star Wars might find The Last Jedi difficult to love in a way that I, with my experience of the franchise, don't. However, I make no apologies for the fact that in my opinion this movie was incredible. Another first-impression comment I made (while arguing with someone at work who hated it) was that it was the first time for a while that I sat down to watch a movie and what I was seeing felt fresh. These felt like ideas and characters and arcs I hadn't seen a thousand times before. And that's especially good coming from Star Wars, which kind of has the reputation of being the most classic of the classics in terms of character and story structure.

Now, I deliberately didn't use the word "cliche". I personally think that's a very unfair term to use of things like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, for the same reason as the joke "Oh, I don't like Shakespeare; it's just full of quotes" works: it's the thing everyone's quoting. Works like Star Wars are the same: while they were building on other things, they're such a massive cultural force that they changed their genres and a lot of people now copy things they made popular.

In terms of the rough story structure (girl finds plot-relevant doodad, gets whisked away on adventure with new sidekicks and elderly mentor, mentor dies, girl defeats baddie), The Force Awakens is pretty textbook (and a lot of people complained that it was just ripping off A New Hope, which makes it kind of hilarious when the same people complain that The Last Jedi isn't Star-Wars-like enough). The Last Jedi doesn't have the same classic structure. In some ways that's a good thing - I've not seen a mentor-student relationship like Rey's with Luke, and I certainly haven't seen an enemy relationship like Rey's with Ren - but I'll admit that it isn't always. And... let's talk about Space Monte Carlo.

This was a pretty big plot diversion, and while it had value it's arguably the biggest flaw in the film in my opinion: we spend a very long time off on this side quest with Finn and Rose and it actually turns out to have been a diversion. And I have to apply the same standard to this as I did to Desolation of Smaug: I don't like it when films willingly waste my time.

Now, I have more to say on that, including why that's actually not an accurate comparison (spoilers: at least Space Monte Carlo contributes to character development and theme, which is more than can be said for the Laketown Cul-de-sac because the Hobbit movies couldn't character-develop their way out of a wet paper bag and wouldn't know a theme if it jumped up and bit them).

Another thing The Last Jedi did, and this relates to Space Monte Carlo, was shatter the idea that the protagonists - especially the badass rebellious male protagonists - can't be wrong. It seems cruel, but one of my favourite things in this movie was the repeated cutting-down of Poe Dameron. That and presenting Luke as fallible were two of the gutsiest things this movie did, and thank you for them. Those were awesome, a fantastic subversion of tropes, and one of the major things that actually made this movie feel fresh.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy Poe, but I liked him so much more once we'd seen that he can massively miscalculate, face consequences, and grow as a person.

What else, what else...

You're quite right, my Vulcan friend.

We got new female characters! One of them got to make an awesome heroic-sacrifice last stand! One of them made a heartfelt speech expressing empathy for the downtrodden and forgotten, prompting the male lead to look past superficial beauty to the seamy underbelly, then said one of my favourite lines in the movie summing up a philosophy of resistance I'd not encountered in any other movie!

I liked Rose. That may become obvious.

Also, Rey continued to develop and be awesome, Leia was great (she was mad broken in terms of stats, but that seems to be par for the course with Jedi and similar), and there were just loads and loads of other minor female characters doing their thing without anyone needing to remark on their gender, which felt great.

Now, take the rough with the smooth, we will talk about Phasma. That was a pretty serious let-down and also pretty poor craft. Like, really, Movie? Come on, just admit you had no idea what to do with that character from the moment you came up with the concept.

Overall, I'll admit that this movie was flawed. Phasma really was a waste of a cool concept, the Space Monte Carlo sequence was a pretty major detour that made it feel a bit like the characters had spent half the film chasing their tails, and a lot of plot threads that had been built up huge were rather abruptly cauterised.

I still absolutely loved it. It was trying new things, it was taking big risks, and I respect that and really enjoyed the results.

That was a touch whistle-stop, but I wanted to go deep on some specific things. Next up, the villains and the concepts of good and evil in "Darkness Rises, and Light to Meet It".

They’re not all titled after quotes, I promise.

[irhinoceri]

An Annotated List of Mine Own Fic - Dragon Age Edition

All stat counts accurate as of 9/24/2020.

Lonesome Dreams - Words: 130,169 Chapters: 15/? Comments: 52 Kudos: 46 Bookmarks: 6 Hits: 1544

My baby, my nightmare, the DA fic that haunts my dreams and makes me question all my life choices.

I originally meant this to be a short story, just exploring the headspace of the Warden in making key decisions as I roleplayed her while going through my first Origins playthrough. I’ve ended up entangled in a post-canon plot with an OC daughter, which is why it’s 130k and Still Not Finished.

I was initially inspired by trying to reconcile the Warden as I thought of her, with BioWare’s decision to send the Warden off the map regardless of player choice. It irked me. I envisioned my Cousland ruling Ferelden as Alistair’s Queen, and the idea that she’d under any circumstances fuck off to the ass end of nowhere for years and miss out on everything that happened during Inquisition did not mesh with the character I had imagined. Particularly because she promised Alistair straight up that she’d help him rule Ferelden and wasn’t just gonna stick him on the throne and abandon him. WHOOPS. But it turned out that my irritation with BioWare made for fertile fanfic material and the Cousland I had roleplayed as confident and certain of her choices (I had FUN, y’all) turned into an angsty mess of a human being, burdened by heroism, filled with insecurity and regret, haunted by her many manipulations, ashamed of that super high coercion stat. Just Imposter Syndrome, the person, all around.

Also, she’s a certified tortured bisexual(tm) who ends up in a polyamorous triad with Alistair and Morrigan, since I was like “I should be able to romance Morrigan as a female warden” and instead of writing a separate fic for that, I grafted it onto my Cousland/Alistair playthrough, Frankensteinesque. I’m also a dirty Alistair/Morrigan shipper even though I know many people find that ship distasteful and problematic, since they’re so awful to each other in the game. Look, I know the “they pretend to hate each other because they secretly like each other” trope is overdone and painful. The fic gets very meta in that regard as Cousland is always going “Please get along I know you secretly love each other” and Alistair and Morrigan are constantly going, “We will never admit that to you or to each other but we will have sex and talk about how much we love our son just please shut up about it already will you.” So, uh, me to me:

Anyway all this messiness has resulted in my ONLY Explicit rated fanfic as it depicts the Dark Ritual as a threesome and let me tell you how much I hate writing sex scenes, I hate it so much, that I wrote several more even more explicit than the last. It’s still all pretty tame by Ao3 standards and only accounts for a tiny fraction of the overall wordcount, but it’s the smuttiest smut I’ll ever write and I hate every word of it.

Above All Else.... this is Lord Huron songfic. My muse is every song off their Lonesome Dreams album as well as some of their EPs and that one song off the A Walk In The Woods soundtrack...... a’yep. I’m an incurable songfic’er and I cannot lie.

The Torture of Small Talk (with someone you used to love) - Words: 12,590 Chapters: 3/3 Kudos: 3 Hits: 30

No one will ever read this fic and it’s probably just as well. I wrote it in a feverish state while listening to Fall Out Boy, hence the title. I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, writing FOB songfic, or, looking back over the last 4 years of fic writing, and knowing that I could easily say “I’m sorry every fic is about you” to my ex but let’s stop there.

This is my angsty post-breakup Alistair/Amell fic based on player-choices I would never actually make in game. I would never chose the option that results in Alistair abandoning the Warden and becoming a bitter drunk in Kirkwall and I’d never sacrifice a Good Friend Purple Hawke to the Fade but here we are, this terrible fic exists, thanks to watching YouTube videos depicting terrible worldstates I hate. Also has the distinction of being the only fic on Ao3 with a friendship tag for Alistair and Bethany. Their friendship is implied and exists off screen but still, it exists, and I imagine being buddies with the guy who cruelly broke your cousin’s heart is awkward for Bethany. Fuck, I’m Facebook friends with someone who cruelly broke my cousin’s heart and it’s awkward. Social media was a mistake.

With Lindiranae Fell the Dales - Words: 2,859 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 2 Kudos: 11 Hits: 49

Angsty Dalish Inquisitor fanfic with the lightest touch of Solavellan written as a precursor to a Solavellan hellfic that I may or may not write depending on if I actually play Trespasser before I die. Inspired directly by the fact that I said “Fuck The Chantry” out loud periodically while grinding my way through Exalted Plains fetch quests on my way to do Solas’ personal quest. That area really hits differently when you’re playing Lavellan.

Fucked Up in Firewater Garden - Words: 680 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 2 Kudos: 2 Hits: 29

A comedy one shot? Can it be? Who wrote this? (Me.)

Extremely meta take on one part of the Emerald Graves map, and my inability to stealth my way around giants while being a crazed completionist who needs to throw a flag down on every landmark even if I have to endure several total party kills to do it.

The Ballad of Loyal Betyar - Words: 732 Chapters: 1/1 Kudos: 5 Hits: 32

Does it ever make you sad that you don’t have a mabari companion in DAI? Or that when you visit the Hissing Wastes you find a dog abandoned by its master, doomed to endlessly fight off giant spiders? Yes? Me too, hence this fic.

[miximax-hell]

Guess who fixed SAI! And just in time for the BEST @inavember day--miximax day!!

It sure has been a while since my last proper post, so I wanted to bring something nice to the table. I sinned by first showing the idea of Tetsukado’s miximax with Tsunami through crappy doodles, so I think I owed you all a proper post about him, final design and all. So, here it is! He’s a tricky one to draw in general terms, but not too bad compared to other people. In fact, his might be one of the less convoluted designs... It’s cool for a change.

Anyway, more about TetsuTsuna’s powers under the cut!

Well, all goes once we’re under the cut, so let’s make use of that! How are you all doing? I’m rather tired, but still okay, all in all, because my internship is going well! For those who didn’t read my latest update, I’m currently working as a scriptwriter for a local videogame company, which is a dream come true~ My boss just congratulated me for a work well done, so I have no complaints there. =u=

Also, all this hype made me want to complete the very first Inazuma game once and for all, and I actually managed to do so! ...Somehow! Ura Zeus are some overpowered bastards with an extremely high level (in the European version, at least--I know it’s different in the Japanese one, although I don’t know exactly how different), but I eventually managed to score five goals against them without receiving any. It only took 20+ victories, haha-- Gosh, levelling up in that game is painful, and facing level 90 enemies with level 50-60 players is not a walk in the park... But all is well that ends well! I hope you guys have been having fun too. So, without further ado, let’s get straight to the point.

Golly, it’s been so long since my last time explaining someone’s powers that I don’t even remember how it works, so please bear with me, ha ha. For the sake of keeping things simple, let’s pick up from where we left off last time.

As you may recall/have just read, I left a couple of cliffhangers in that post, so let’s cover them. I first explained why no one from Inazuma Japan would truly benefit from Tsunami’s aura, but I made sure to specify that Kabeyama and Hijikata would be the worst candidates to mix with him, unlikely as it may seem when you think about how much both of them share with Tsunami. The reason why is probably very clear for those of you who are familiar with the games, but let’s explain it for those who either couldn’t know or simply didn’t make that connection. No shame there. uvu And, in order to do so, we must talk about the first hissatsu Tetsukado would get from miximaxing with Tsunami. It’s a personal favourite of mine.

The first and main hissatsu Tetsukado gains is the excellent Whale Guard! Whale Guard is Tsunami’s game-exclusive signature move, as he has this technique in every game of the original trilogy and in all of his incarnations within those games. It’s a really cool block technique and, objectively, the one that would be the most useful to Tetsukado, since he’s a defender and all.

Now, Whale Guard is awesome, but it’s a combo hissatsu for two people. And not just for any two people. No, sir. To perform this technique, Tsunami must ride a character who has a large body and use him as a boat while the field gets flooded. Among all the players in the team, the only ones Tsunami can rely on to do this are Kabeyama and Hijikata. Therefore, what’s the point of giving Tsunami’s aura to someone who won’t even be able to use Tsunami’s hissatsus, since their role is to be ridden and not to ride someone else? (Man, that sounds WRONG, but bear with me.) Characters with a large body can’t call the whale in the game, and I take it as part of the challenge to keep things accurate to canon not only in terms of story, but in terms of gameplay and mechanics too. So, on top of all the reasons i explained last time, this automatically excludes them both from getting Tsunami’s aura too.

This, however, leads us to the next front I left open: can Tetsukado really bring out Tsunami’s true potential even if he is playing with Earth Eleven and Kabeyama and Hijikata aren’t there? The answer, as I said last time, is obviously yes! Despite not having them around, Tetsukado can always rely on someone else to help him, and that is no other than good ol’ Kusaka! While body shapes in GO aren’t as precise--nor restrictive--as they were in the first trilogy, it’s obvious that Kusaka has a rather large and muscular body, (kinda) similar to Hijikata’s. Kusaka could easily serve TetsuTsuna as a boat/surfing board/whatever while he does his whale-calling thing. And they aren’t too far apart within the field either, so it’s even more viable than Endou using The Phoenix or something crazy like that. ww (But I still love how extra Endou is when he goes all the way to the opposite goal to shoot. You go, baby boy.)

Anyway, that’s about it for unsolved questions, so let’s ask ourselves some new questions now! The most obvious one being, “What’s TetsuTsuna’s second hissatsu?” The answer will probably make people frown, but I couldn’t care less. *+*+*

Let us not forget what Tsunami is known for: being super over-the-top and shooting despite a defender. So, like it or not, Tetsukado needs to get a shot hissatsu or this miximax would be absolute poop. So, Tsunami Boost or The Typhoon? SCREW THEM BOTH--SPARKLE WAVE ALL THE WAY!!

...I’m surprised I can still talk when so many people have just jumped at my neck and ripped it off with their bare teeth, but I’ll use the last minutes of my life to explain why Sparkle Wave is a far better option in this case even though Tsunami Boost or The Typhoon are much more signature-ish than it.

First of all, let’s remember that my adored sister @ishidoshuuji used to call me “Champion of the Unloved.” I just can’t help but fall for those things no one else likes or cares about. I HAVE AFFECTION ISSUES AND THIS HITS ME CLOSE, OKAY. And, obviously, Tsunami Boost and The Typhoon are far, FAAAR more popular than Sparkle Wave. After all, those were used a gazillion times, while Sparkle Wave was only used a single time in a movie that no one seems to have watched. And that’s exactly what I’m going at: Sparkle Wave is still completely unexploited! Tsunami’s other techniques have been used plenty of times and are all worn out by now, but Sparkle Wave is nice, new and shiny. Why should we repeat old formulas when we have new ones to explore? That’s much more interesting. And come on--I thought we were all always starving to see new techniques!

The second reason is that Tetsukado has miximaxed with adult Tsunami. Yes, Tsunami Boost and The Typhoon were Tsunami’s signature moves, but that was when he was a teenager. Tsunami is now an adult and, as an adult, he didn’t use Tsunami Boost or The Typhoon. He used Sparkle Wave. Only and exclusively Sparkle Wave. Like it or not, in terms of anime canons, aka what most people move within, Sparkle Wave is adult Tsunami’s signature move. His only move, in fact. ww So it only makes sense that adult Tsunami would grant Tetsukado the ability to use his new signature move.

And last, but by no means least, is the fact that adult Tsunami used Sparkle Wave over his old hissatsus. The fact that he did this means Tsunami developed a new technique at some point, his strongest one yet, and started using it by default instead of the old ones. Therefore, and obviously, giving Tsunami Boost to Tetsukado would be a completely pointless nerf, since it’s obviously inferior at this point and Tetsukado is miximaxing precisely because he wants more power. As such, it only makes sense to borrow the strongest technique you can possibly get, right? There is a difference between being confident and being stupid, if you know what I mean. ww

Yes, I know most people won’t be convinced, but these are my arguments. And they’re more than good enough for me, thankfully. ww So, moving on!

(Also, Minna Ike Ike! is a close third. I loved the idea of TetsuTsuna getting this, but there isn’t room for everything, and actual hissatsus are always more exciting. Too bad.)

To finish with the whole issue of hissatsus, let’s talk about which of Tetsukado’s own techniques would get boosted thanks to Tsunami. For once, this is pretty easy and straightforward. ...As you know from that stupid pun, it’s obviously Dead Straight. After all, the fact that Tetsukado has a technique like that is part of the reason why he and Tsunami are such a great match! Tsunami is known for his shot techniques, after all.

Also, Dead Straight is a shot hissatsu, but one that can be strategically used from Tetsukado’s position--that is, much like Tsunami’s techniques. Yes, Tsunami Boost and Sparkle Wave are long shots while Dead Straight is a block shot, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s rather unusual for defenders to have shots--and ones that can be used imaginatively, no less! The combination of both will give Tetsukado a ton of resources, and that’s precisely the point of this project to begin with.

To end this rant, it’s interesting to see how Tsunami will change Tetsukado’s natural abilities/stats. We know from the anime that Tsunami is the super excited and swift kind, but he’s also fairly strong. Tetsukado is much more muscular, but his footwork is--obviously--impressive too, although he can’t match Tsunami’s natural speed. They are kind of opposite, really. ...Or are they?

What the anime canon pretends to say is not so supported by NUMBERS, aka my favourite thing ever. A quick look at Tetsukado’s and adult Tsunami’s stats in Galaxy will tell us that, hey--Tsunami happens to be TWICE AS GOOD AS TETSUKADO AT KICKING! Ain’t that fun! In fact, Tsunami is better than Tetsukado in every single sense, save for Block and Stamina. However, the difference isn’t always all that noticeable, so it doesn’t make sense for TetsuTsuna to be much faster than normal Tetsukado when Tsunami is only 5 points better than him. However, more noticeable differences, like the aforementioned kicking capabilities, do make a great difference here--especially since Tetsukado will be shooting much more than before now. This is especially useful when combined with Dead Straight, which can block opposing shots and even reflect them if the user’s kick stat is strong enough. How convenient, huh! ...Oh, and his technique goes up too? Might be useful to get some advanced hissatsus going, but that’s not very relevant plot-wise, I’m afraid lmao

All in all, TetsuTsuna’s main perk and niche within this team is the fact that he’s bringing back everything Tsunami once was and multiplying it by adding Tetsukado’s own natural abilities to the mix: a terrific stamina, new shots to make better use of Tsunami’s awesome kicking stat and, of course, his fantastic Soul! Fairly straightforward, I know, but very much needed all the same. We all wanted Tsunami back, and no one wanted him back as much as I did. Not to mention that, as I said last time, it has SO much plot potential. Oh, God.

...If only I had a plot. rip.

[jollyviscreal666]

The New World(entry no.2)

It’s been 4 months since my last entry. I have been through a lot since then. Nothing short from my last adventure I there to described. I have been to two survival sanctuaries. Supposedly designed for safety. As well as the welfare of our planet and it’s newfound stats.

There is one thing prior to me of which I’m certain. The new world along with its events not only gives my life purpose as I have previously perceived, but rendered me a seemingly infinitely jubilant soul. That’s the only way I can put it. Whereas to others it does the opposite based on what I’ve experienced. Fortunately, I’ve met people at the third sanctuary, counting the first where I was left for dead, that have similar feelings. I am going to recount my experience at the scientific institute in which I was a potential resident.

Honestly, I fell like this sanctuary held more sentimental feelings of dread then the previous events that followed up to it. I refer to the base. I didn’t kill nearly as many infected, yet the only thing that feels infected is my tolerance. I’m struggling to find out what about it is. Perhaps the near un perceivable amount of carnage left me baffled in a brutal way. Watching people I know along with friends I made turn into delicacies for the endorsed maniacal infected denizens. This was the real deal. This institute. You supposedly get used to the carnage. But I’m this infected world, getting used to constant carnage is like getting punched in the nuts when you’re the toughest guy on the planet. And it only gets worse.

I did make one ally before I arrived to the next sanctuary. The pilot I rendered under my command to do as I said. He goes by Don. He made his living in this new world by offering his skills in the form of services in exchange for supplies and a shelter. We left the armored vehicle in a spot we considered to be decent as we flew over the supposed mine field. I had my sniper ready and I told Don to be on high alert. Then after we landed and as we were scanning the place, we established a friendship after a 20 minute conversation. I was happy I found someone to relate to. The last person I could relate to was Bryce Reyes and I have no idea where he was. I still don’t.

We were getting ready to turn back. Then we spotted an SOS smoke marker. The white smoke drifted into the air with a steady pace. We decided to make our way to it. We were heavily armed one could say. Me with a suppressed glock and him with a suppressed beretta. We also carried a primary weapon. Me with an SIG Saur sniper rifle, and Don with an G 46 assault rifle. Near the bolt operation mechanism near the top, was a stamped imprint labeled: SiG Sauer SSG 2000. It was a pretty handy weapon. It was my first time using it. I had used my glock to eliminate nearby infected who we stumbled upon. We agreed more than likely it signifies that there’s got to be a pack of them somewhere nearby. So we proceeded with caution. Soon we reached the source of the signal. Although there seemed to be no sign of survivors. I thought maybe it was too late.

It was a house. Like a fancy residence building. Something you’d expect a mayor of a town to live in.

We were right about the pack. They were lingering about, in and out, and through the two story house. As usual with defected bodies with cut open parts and blood dripping. They were too focused on something to draw attention to us. Although I was sure one of them gave a glance to our presence. I picked off about 30 if them, leaving me with 1 more clip. I placed about 10 more clips nearby discreetly. I equipped two, leaving me with 15 rounds, plus my suppressed glock. I was confident it was all I needed to clear the area. Then again, there could be more packs waiting inside. I told Don to retrieve the armored vehicle and the copter so we could escape when necessary. I also told him, I was going to explore the area by myself. He questioned it. But I shrugged it off and told him his role was more important. He took off.

As I advanced towards the estate, I realized the smoke was coming from inside the house. I reached the door. I opened it. I lied my eyes upon 3 strangely figured infected individuals. Their faces were caved in and had a strange bone crest on their forehead. They made some kind of hissing sound. Their spine seemingly protruded from their backs, but not hard enough to brake their rotten skin layers. Two of them were feasting on featureless corpses who’s first two layers of flesh had been completely removed. The one closest to the door I just opened, opened it’s mouth slightly and some colorless saliva type liquid dropped on the corpses featureless face. I looked closely to see the skinless corpses face meat layer slowly deteriorate. But only very mildly so. Then the skinless corpse slightly moved a limb. It’s forearms as well. A third skinless corpse was missing its lower torso. On the left side of its face all the meat layers have been removed revealing its skull eye socket. It barely moved as well. Its rib cage hung out and some normal infected feasted on the remaining origins of that deceased individual. Blood was smeared all over the floor.

These corpses they were feasting on looked fresh. As if it only recently occurred. The crest headed infected closest to me then threw his head in haste at me and snarled. Mouth dripping with the strange liquid. I aimed at its head and fired. It’s crest prevented the slug from entering its brain. It charged at me. I dodged its ram as it hit the wall. It then surprisingly backed up and began gargling. The other standard infected individuals took after it in a sense of leadership. I could tell it was going to projectile that liquid my direction. I hastily boosted my body for cover. I used a standard room door detached from its hinges. Thankfully the knob was still on it. I held onto it. The liquid seemed to have eaten through the wood as termites wound do. But only 8 minutes after. 4 seconds after the liquid hit the door, I rammed it as hard as I could. Which wasn’t very hard cause of the weight.

The crest heads moved significantly faster than the standard infected. Still not as fast as runners though. The crest head fought to reach me from the other side. I decided to blind the fucker and destroy its jaw. The 3 standard infected followed shortly behind. I also took its fingers off disabling its slash attacking ability. I carefully counted my last 3 rounds in my glock as the standard infected individual increasingly advanced. It had no sight , no jaw, and no fingers. Still it somehow sensed I was close to reaching a dead end in the hallway. It thrashed about. I dropped the antsy standard dead head behind him accurately. Then I realized the only way to kill it or destroy it was to remove the head from its body. Right then and there I knew I needed my Sauer rifle to do so. I detached the suppressor of the Sauer rifle. I didn’t want to take any chances. I needed to fire fast and efficiently. Not accurately. Not then. It was harder than I had previously perceived. It took 3 shots to create a crater in its neck near the Adam’s apple, knocking it out with other fleshy parts all over the place. The 3rd shot definitely slowed it down. It was beginning to get weaker due to the near slight detachment of its neck. But it kept itself moving. I had 2 more rounds left. I apparently got lucky because the first shot I landed dislocated the remaining flesh tendons from its deep cratered neck. It’s head hung from meat tendons. Some with fresh dead flesh on them. I landed a final shot. And believe it or not it was a lucky shot as well going through its sternum to its head after exiting the back of the sternum. The last standard zombie approached in a curious manner only to have a bullet plummet through its skull. The last remaining in the living room of the house was a crest head. He was chewing on the corpse of the skinless corpse before. Only now it was only a drenched skeleton with pieces of meat hanging off of it. I’m almost glad they’re that stupid. I would appreciate more of a challenge but every scruff I get into with these dead heads, I risk my life. Technically I do anyway. I put a slug in its upper side of its head.

For a moment I thought it was over. Then I heard a scream. My combat sessions with the undead seemingly attracted a lot of infected. They more than likely followed the flare signal marker smoke then smelled the trapped individual upstairs. I looked to split, but the entrance was getting blocked off by dead heads. I inserted the last clip I had for my glock handgun. I was very careful to land perfect headshots as I progressed to find a way out. I equipped my combat knife at the ready as well for personal close encounters. I thought I was done for. There were too many and they kept poring in. Then Don arrived in the armored vehicle and mowed them down with a SAW light machine gun. I was very grateful. I owed him one. I got in the armored vehicle with him and we sped off. We drove back to the helicopter. Don flew the helicopter of course. Me, driving, we stayed in contact via radio connection by an external input where it was compatible with our vehicles.

After about an hour of searching, we finally came upon what looked like to be a standard amateur survival camp. Needless to say, it’s members were not present at the time. Then we stumbled upon a trail. It seemed like these survivors have relocated. We followed the trail briefly just to be safe. Guns at the ready. To our surprise, there was an open field. It had been covered in trees until someone cut them all down. It’s anyone’s guess as to why. Before we advanced, a human figure zoomed out at us with wit and skill. Me and Don fired a couple of rounds and missed. He put his hands up. He had a crossbow on his back.

“Don’t shoot, I’m here to help”! He blurted out. We kept our guns on him.

“My names Zach and I can help”?

“What do you mean? What are you doing out here”? I questioned.

“Just surveying the neighboring grounds is all” Zach replied. He removed the crossbow from his back and put it on the ground humbly.

“What happened to the folks of those camps”? I asked.

“Some rabid gangs have been trying to take over these parts for awhile now. Many groups tried to fight back and it became a bloodbath. It’s under control now. We took care of it”.

“Whose we”? I asked.

“Wait, How come you showed up just before we were about to go on that field”? Asked Don suspiciously.

“I was just about to get to that”, stated Zach.

“It’s a fucking mine field. Product of all that stuff I just told you. I tried to save you”.

“Thanks”, I said plainly.

“Where’s your base”? I asked him.

“I’m not really supposed to tell survivors about it”, he said. Before he could continue, I spoke.

“Hold that thought”. I went to grab our trusty armored vehicle that has pulled us through for a good while. I showed him our weapons and explained how we could be of use. He generously agreed to introduce us to his base. I asked him how far it was. He said with our vehicle it would take no longer than 8 minutes.

The base turned out to be a cdc scientist institute. According to Zach, it was once a hospital. Then after the breakout it became a safe haven for survivors, doctors, and scientists alike. The leaders of the institute had made many reconfigurations to the place prior to the breakout. Especially after things settled down and the first wave of survivors attempted to reach salvation, I’d imagine. They called it the Obin institute. Not sure why, though. The institute is at least a couple of kilometers more wide than the first base and had a bigger antenna sticking out of the top. Some state of the art shit, I imagined. Definitely larger and seemingly more advanced than the last bases antenna. And for an hour after we arrived once I’d seen it, I had hope this would be our salvation. Needless to say, it wasn’t even close.

Like the last base, the institute had its own security military type style personnel. There were actually 3 branches in the institute. The first one, or the main priority rather, were the doctors and scientists who did the research prior to the outbreak and continue to do so. The second, were the security personnel, armed to the teeth. No different than last base. Although this one had more guards. The place was bigger and seemed to deem some sort of importance. We would find out soon. The dress code for the security forces were different than the previous. They were a darker shade of blue. Some wore hazmat type light plastic wear, and some just leather dark blue. Sometimes they even wore hazmat masks when guarding closed to survivors section or other secret studies. This caught my attention. Most bothered not to give a care.

That day, at the lunch table, we met two remarkable individuals.

“What do you think the deal is with the freaky cdc type masks the security are wearing”? I asked Don quietly. Don looked over to them guarding the entrance. There were two sets of them. One guarding the back exit, and one the sections of the institute entrance. Specifically, the scientist doctors headquarters.

“It’s probably part of the agreement. You know how this new world makes people act”, stated Don.

“I hope this place isn’t locked down on policy personnel procedures”, I said.

“I’m more worried about what they put into this food! I mean...who do you know who cooks something like this”?! Exclaimed Don.

“I’m about to launch a complaint file to the kitchen zone so they can get their shit together”, he continued. Then a friendly female voice spoke seemingly out of nowhere.

“You’ll eat what they give you, period. There’s not many options to getting your ways here at this place. I’m Anne”. Next to her was a fairly built male.

“This is Jerry, you must be new”, she said.

“I’m Josh and this is my friend slash pilot Don”, I said. We got acquainted. She and Jerry explained the physical layout of the institution. There were 6 sections of the whole institute. The first was the main HQ. Then came the work stations of the survival personnel including education sessions for young ones about the outbreak, the infected and whatnot. Then there was the security HQ. Next comes the vital Research labs stations filled with doctors and scientists for their work. Then the waste and trash compartments where the sewer pipes lead and where infected remains were disposed of, as we learned. The last two are vital as well with one of them being secret kept by the main scientist doctor organizers of the institute. The secret one was where they kept the genetically altered infected we learned later. Their goal was not just to solely find a cure but to explore the genetics and possibilities of the infected due to research and study. Implying that they had a group of hyper intelligent infected in there somewhere. Locked up. Kept secret from most of the personnel of the institute. Only few doctors knew of it. The last one was the last resort plan which consisted of a self destruct room with all kinds of explosives. Not just the shrapnel kind. There were rumors of nuclear warheads. This was top secret info. Me and Don figured it out prior to the institute outbreak before Jerry and Anne..... well we’ll get to that.

Apparently survivors were called in for monthly check ups. This made me feel uneasy in a place as organized and strict as this. It didn’t feel right. There were rules and rewards for those who ace their check ups. More privileges were attained. More freedom and whatnot. About 68 percent of the time in the institute was idly social. The rest was work and eating(also partly social). Jobs and assignments were based upon what the scientists and doctors needed for their current research. For the good of the survivors, the institute, mankind and whatnot. You were required to work and assist the institute if you wanted to stay there. It was fairly paced and gave survivors free social time. It went well for most and seemed to be a good fit. Except for the check ups. After awhile, the four of us started noticing that every now and then someone would not return from their check up. The institute was very sly about this. They did their best to keep the survivors distracted and lied to them. Then they promoted the suspicious ones and whatnot. We even fell victim to this a couple of times. Then we decided to do something about it. In the course of a month, we became acquainted with a devastated individual by the name of Dean. We were very sympathetic towards him. His little brother had been gone for almost two months. He was distraught. We came up with a plan. It needed to happen sooner or later. Because we knew whatever they were doing was in favor of the research this facility was conducting. And boy were we right.

We took a huge step. If was a huge risk. Very dangerous if we got caught. We eventually made it to the depletion of dangerous chemicals department. You didn’t need special clearance to get in. Also implying no electronically locked door was in the way. This proved to be their downfall. However, they never expected anyone to rebel such as we did. We ran into the remains of his brother and several other survivors we were acquainted and even befriended by. One by the name of James was diced up from his knees to his upper chest, most of his body missing. Dean and two other friends were distraught. Dean couldn’t help but to release a mild outburst. Whatever he hit, he activated the mini mechanical machine like tubes connected to the clean un operated head of the dead one called James. The head made an unearthly screeching sound and it’s eyes rolled to the back of its head. It vibrated. The diced meat and organs of James in a blender type compacter, began turning the diced pieces into liquid. Blood spat out of the heads mouth. Then strained out the ears, nose, and eyes with intense flow.

“Turn it off!”, screamed Dean. I spun to the crew and told them now is the chance to escape and start a battle to fight for our lives against the institutes personnel. They gave it all they had. Right after the incoming security were ambushed and killed by us. We took their weapons and got ready for the next wave. We apparently forgot to double tap one of the corpses from the first wave. Unbeknownst to us ,the viral infected didn’t attack us. It knew. It just wanted to feed. So it messed around the blender compacter as we massacred the second wave. Eventually it got the lid open and detached it. It went to town and drank from it like a smoothie from heaven. How did I know? Well I could hear it. I was just too busy killing assholes to pay attention to our unwanted guest. Eventually the greedy fucker took a chunk out of Gabe right before vomiting a single series of its smoothie and head right on us. Then we blew its head off, obviously.

We made it to the announcement room baring only 4 casualties counting Gabe. We had a defector in the kitchen slash HQ. He set the area on fire, metaphorically speaking. Soon all hell broke loose. Me and Don were lucky enough to retrieve our vehicles as they were confiscated and defected by the institute. It was a huge battle. Very savage and violent. Survivors versus security personnel. Luckily, the institute wasn’t prepared for the onslaught, meaning however many survivors died, we breached the scientist doctor HQ research experimentation area. Many of the survivors, knowing what the doctors were responsible for, lead them to their horrible deaths. Such as drowning in the blood, guts, and remains of infected, slow brain frying, quartering procedures designed for infected and so much more. It seemed we were triumphant. A lot of it was because of me and Dons defense play I’ll admit. With my infamous armored vehicle and it’s weapons. Especially cause we found a cannon that fits onto the vehicle. We killed many. However, as the threat of the security died down, there was the evident threat of the oncoming infected attracted by the battle. Thousands at the gate to the institute.

It wasn’t long until someone discovered the secret room. I never got to see what it looked like and part of me is glad I didn’t. However the intelligent infected became loose. There were 4 of them. Two looked to be of African descent. One bald the other with a Bob Marley hairstyle. Their mouths were covered in blood. The haired ones jaw was hung ajar. But it’s hand flesh and muscle were chewed off until the end of the forearm. The fleshed out bone wasn’t a hand but more of a fingerless implant of some sort of sharpened chain piece it seemed. The other two were American militarily generals it seemed. Right after the infected made their way in, me and Don were mowing down wages of oncoming infected. Anne and Jerry were with us at first but realized they needed to prevent the outside infected from finding other ways to breach the institute. They always do. As usual we had the unfortunate luxury of witnessing their deaths. Jerry mowed down the two military generals who had managed to kill and mutilate 8 survivors. Almost killing Anne as well. Then he was decapitated by the zooming smart infected with the chain piece. Anne attempted to mow it down. It apparently made a circle where it met up with the other one. They each stabbed their limbs(hands with arms)into both of her sides. They ripped her in two staring from the middle. The middle of her body as well as her chest became separated, creating a hole in her body in which the hole spread as a tear to her neck and downwards to her groin as well. Until she was separated completely in two. Her blood and insides of her body lost their gravity the instant it happened. I then also witnessed a guy get his heart ripped out and eaten by them almost as fast as when they killed Anne. He was alive and watched them eat it. It was time for an endgame to get the hell out of this place. Unfortunately, there was still more to witness before we were free. Infected just being themselves. And people used to think that was a good thing.

We realized more deadheads were becoming apparent because the two smart infected have cracked some infected attracting tech of which I am familiar with. Although I wasn’t surprised they had it here. So we attempted to locate the source. We attempted a shortcut we believed to be plausable. It just lead to another infected hellhole. Although this time there was plenty to see. This is all I recall: a torsoless rotter with intestines dangling out the side of its ribcage was feasting on a dead security mans torn open thorax, slowly. Then an obese infected with its giant stomach layer flaps open. It’s ribcage was visible and it held its intestines as did two other legless infected. It stared at me viciously. It put its intestine in its mouth. I observed all this very quickly. Then I looked up. It only got worse. There were dozens of blood covered infected seemingly taking other more rotten infected apart to either connect more limbs to already limbed infected for fun, or attempt to put the disassembled rotten infected back together. They used intestines to tie the body parts in place. Many intestines. It was as it appeared. Whether they were successful or not is something we’ll never know and I pray you never will. That’s all you need to know. We hauled ass out of there. The smart one eventually caught up to us. The other ‘artists’ reaching out to him slowly. Him zooming by without regards. We stayed in the vehicle. It ran from one side of the vehicle to the other, tirelessly. A helicopter came by. We were lucky to find a un designated route out of the compound. We thought we got luckier. Nope. It was a high ranking doctor who did business with the institute. He almost killed Don, but I got him in time. Knowing how many trackers were in the copter, we blew it up. We took off. The dead, arriving like vultures. Nothing really changes anymore once you think about it. We’ve been searching for gas for awhile now.

[jjnonken]

Updated 14 Mar 2020: The above link is broken. PC Gamer has gone on to the next thing; as of this update, clicking that will get you to an article about golden keys for the game. At least some other companies haven’t conveniently forgotten.

https://screenrant.com/gearbox-randy-pitchford-controversy-weirder/ http://socialbarrel.com/randy-pitchford-video-game-industrys-most-controversial-figure/121218/ https://www.playstationlifestyle.net/2019/06/19/randy-pitchford-legal-drama-shows-gearbox-president-diverted-funds/

And then there’s the stuff about Supmatto getting shut down. https://gamerant.com/borderlands-3-boycott-explain/ https://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2019-08-08-take-two-investigating-streamer-over-borderlands-3-leaks https://www.newsweek.com/boycottborderlands3-trends-twitter-controversy-youtuber-supmatto-1453013 https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2019-08-16-borderlands-3-youtubers-channel-disappears-amidst-take-two-investigation-over-leaks

Some of those are redundant, but hopefully it will preserve the information if other sites throw away history like PC Gamer did.

My original posting follows.

---------------------------------------------

Here’s why I’m not buying Borderlands 3. Not yet; possibly never.

TL;DR: Randy and his goons are hurting people and I’m not OK with that.

My stats: across all my accounts, according to Steam, I’ve got 323 hours playing the original Borderlands (including both the GOTY and the new Enhanced edition); 687 hours playing the Pre-Sequel; and a whopping 3413 hours on Borderlands 2. Total: 4413 hours playing the Borderlands franchise, not including a partial run-through of Tales of the Borderlands. (Nothing wrong with it per se; it’s just not the type of game I usually like to play, and I lost interest before I finished.)

(Why BL2 more than BL? Probably because I started with BL2, so that’s the one I love. I could go on about the details, but I think it boils down to familiarity. I think that typically happens to people who started on the first game: they prefer it because it’s where they started, and what they know. I can’t say that’s the only reason, or that it’s everybody’s reason, nor that all people who started with one cannot prefer the other. It’s just what I think happens typically. And it’s speculation, at that. So please don’t read more into it than is there.)

Needless to say I’m a little burned out Borderlands; but I’ll still be happy to play any of the (non-Tales -- which is single-player anyway) games with a friend, and I expect that I’ll probably be working on finishing my first BLE playthrough soon-ish, though I’ve been distracted by another game (7 Days to Die, in case you’ve not been following my blog. Which you probably haven’t; I don’t think anybody is).

So when they announced BL3 and said you’d be able to pre-purchase the super extra plus edition online and get some nifty exclusive skins, I already had my credit card out and drool all over the carpet before the echos died. 

The first news came through: it wouldn’t be on Steam. It would be an exclusive on Epic for six months; after that, presumably it would show on Steam.

What the fuck?

I put my credit card down and mopped up the drool and considered their stated reasons and the ins and outs of this development, and decided I could live with it. They had their reasons, and the main one was money (of course; it always comes down to money). As long as it worked, and as long as it came back to Steam eventually, I would be OK. In fact I’d probably survive even if it was always on Epic. It’s not like I’m married to Steam or anything. And I’m on other platforms (at very least, Blizzard and Xbox). So after some soul searching I picked up my credit card and...

...now these aren’t necessarily in the correct order... ([edit] yeah, in fact, apparently Baker came first, then Eddings, and that’s just these two, though it’s possible I’d simply heard them out of order...)

...heard that David Eddings wasn’t doing Claptrap’s voice. According to him, he’d offered and been rebuffed. According to Randy Pitchford, they’d offered and he’d turned them down. 

OK, well, he-said-she-said. Hard to know from the peanut gallery whose story was accurate, if either, or if it was something between or some third option. Still, it left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. David Eddings not doing Claptrap? That’s like, like, like Ted Cassidy not playing Lurch. 

At least the Addams Family movies have an excuse, seeing as how Cassidy died in 1979. Anyway, I’m being silly. While I was hesitating some more, I heard that Troy Baker wouldn’t be playing Rhys -- and his story sounded a lot like Eddings’. 

Two actors with essentially the same story? Once is happenstance; twice is enemy action? It’s certainly starting to look like a pattern. Either could be he-said-she-said, but each of the two lent credence to the other.

Still something I could live with. And then I started hearing controversies about Randy Pitchford.

Former Gearbox Lawyer Accuses CEO Randy Pitchford Of Taking Secret $12 Million Bonus

Claptrap voice actor accuses Randy Pitchford of assault

Then there’s the alleged USB stick of allegedly underage porn. Just type “Randy Pitchford controversy” into a search engine and stand well back.

Last month we started getting word about superfan Youtuber Supmatto having his channel shut down and having thugs appear on his doorstep and question him. After restoring his channel... they shut him down for good. Think what you will, but from what I can tell, he’d merely reported information given to him, and Take Two and 2K abused Youtube’s copyright system to deprive one of their biggest fans of a living. Even if they were in the right -- and that’s not clear -- there are a lot of ways they could have handled it better. Instead they went for the full nuclear option and did it the easy way (easy for them, that is -- didn’t take him to court, simply threw paperwork at Youtube) and threw physical intimidation on top of that.

So 2K and Take Two and Randy Pitchford are pissing me off, and from what I can see, pissing off a whole metric fuck-ton of other now-former fans of the franchise. I’m in good company, at least.

But even that isn’t all. There are two other personal reasons that I’ve been kind of ambivalent about BL3. One is that in a lot of ways, the content seems like... more of the same. I guess there’s always going to be a certain amount of that; it’s a continuation of a story that’s been running across ten years and four games which, yes, includes Tales. It’s set in the same universe and is based on the same characters. But each part of the franchise has been pretty decent at presenting fresh content. Yes, even the Pre-Sequel had a lot going for it, despite innumerable flaws. I have a lot of complaints about it, but I also think they came up with some cool stuff. And it advances the story.

Of course, I’ve not seen much, so maybe I’m just viewing this through a lens of disappointment. Don’t take that point too seriously. 

The second and more important one is that, all I feel when I look at the new Vault Hunters is... detachment. Again, maybe I’ll feel more immersion and engagement when (and if) I start playing the game. But none of those Vault Hunters particularly appeals to me. I look at the four of them and feel no pull, no preference, no reason to pick any of them. No “Oh, that’s neat! I want to do that!” They almost seem like cardboard cutouts to me.

And now some more weirdness is happening. Borderlands 3 pre-order pulled from Epic Games store, and there are reports of the strange way 2k is handling the prerelease testing. Apparently they’ve discounted the crap out of the game... why? Are they hoping to bribe back all the former fans they’ve pissed off? Frankly, it looks like a desperation move, and attempts to manipulate me that way are much more likely to piss me off more than lure me back. 

What’s this? One of the actors has apparently been abusing his girlfriend and... Pitchford just blows it off. *sigh* It just doesn’t end.

I won’t even address the microtransactions stuff and Pitchford’s gaff other than to say: as long as there’s no pay-to-win aspect (or even pay-to-shortcut), I don’t mind them. I’ve happily bought many skins in Payday 2 and Killing Floor, and weapons and skins in Team Fortress 2, and I own all the DLC for all the Borderlands games (multiple copies of most of it!). A lot of that is skin and head packs. And then there’s Overwatch. Some is direct (”Here’s some cash for that skin”) and some is indirect (”Here’s some cash for loot boxes, because dammit, I want those skins, and I have more money than brains”), but yeah... paid a lot of money over the years.

I’ve been saying that I would probably buy BL3 when it goes on sale on Steam. But now the question is... will I ever? BL3 may be the Alien³ of the Borderlands franchise for me; as far as I’m concerned, the Aliens franchise stopped after the second movie. I refuse to even watch the third or fourth. (Yes, I’ve watched Prometheus. More than once.) I may do the same here, refusing to acknowledge any legitimacy of Borderlands 3 and boycotting it completely.

We’ll see. 

So, thank you, Randy Pitchford, for making the announcement of a new installment in what is arguably my favorite game ever into bitter, angry, ugly disappointment. 

I’m on the horns of a dilemma, because I love the franchise, and some of my best and oldest gaming friends will be playing it while I sit on the sidelines. But what I’m seeing from the companies just makes me want to walk away.

I guess I didn’t want those exclusive skins that badly after all.