#anyways. yarg.

[canismajors]

i think my vyvanse dose is too low LOL. It Is Not Working

[eggyrocks]

SYRUP-T. OIKAWA SMAU

….he has a thing for the barista at his favorite coffee shop. & he’s pretty sure she feels the same. the only thing in the way is her annoying boyfriend.

divider credits to plutism

main masterlist

status: completed

tags: oikawa x f!reader, friends to lovers, unrequited feelings, university au (i love a university au)

warnings: language, alcohol use, messy relationships, cheating, adult themes, everyone will probably suck really hard at one point, angst at points, grammatical mistakes probably, everyone probably will be out of character, please note warnings may change as story progresses, and to check each chapter for individual warnings

minors dni

taglist: closed

bonus content: oikawa style guide | yn style guide

introductions: yn’s roommates | oikawa’s roommates

part one: 120% tip

part two: sisyphus

part three: yarg

part four: alpha female

part five: womp womp

part six: silly string

part seven: special latte

part eight: toxic space

part nine: stab him

part ten: strange (bad)

part eleven: pity ramen

part twelve: messy

part thirteen: hive mind

part fourteen: cardinal sins

part fifteen: moral compass

part sixteen: robarazzi

part seventeen: maybe: piece of shit miya

part eighteen: crisis manager

part nineteen: end

moodboard/description of syrup from @causenessus

"they're definitely the vibe of if laurie had got jo in the end </333 he's lowkey more of a pathetic bf than kageyama bc at least kageyama's got a cool quiet person aura on the outside but oikawa looks like a bottom twink anyway (said w/ love i love him sm). definitely something that happened in syrup but definitely the kind of love/aesthetic of visiting each other at work. y/n and oikawa come in a pair, neither one is never very far from the other. a super chaotic dynamic. the kind of people who are always out driving late at night, their friends are getting notifications from them asking if they want anything from a random fast food joint before they remember to mention that they're coming to visit and crash at said friend's apartment (does this make sense??). another dynamic that's happy and content just with each other and nothing else. the kind of couple that will both stare you down bc they know what they're doing and what they want and we're all just living in their world. (again, if u don't agree with y/n, oikawa will be beating u up even if he looks like a twink)"

[p4pert0wle]

Something has brought me here again-

Idk I think it may have been like the new remaster to the slender game or smth,but like yeah :3

So I drew Splendorman bc I really like him-

And ig slenderman BUT I HAD NO CLUE ON WHAT TO DO WITH HIM,I'll figure it out sometime and some point.

But it is clear that now is NOT THAT TIME-

Like it's really clear on who I spent more time on but shshshshsh-

I love him,I wanna draw him more bc of how much I love him.BUT THE HATS-

LIKE EVEN WITHOUT THE HAT IT'S HARD TO DRAW HIM-

Actually it's just hard to draw in general

I admire those who can draw these dudes so well bc I ain't that

Anyways this is just a build on an old ref I was making for him

It has alot of the old Ideas I had going on for his current design that I draw but DKJDH-

It's not as bad as I remember it but YARG-

Anyways another

Yes his top part is just a dark grey rather than a consistent black,this was like early in the summer when I drew this.And,still kinda figuring out how I wanted to draw him exactly.

I still really like his pants however so I might keep it??

The other character is my own oc that was a remake of an old oc that I've also now given a remake because.

This was her old design,it was a remake of an older design but AH-

This is her more recent design,her name is Selene :3

I just really like drawing her and Splendorman alot,bc I adore them both.I might post Selene's own drawings that I've done but it'll be it's own post.

But yeah,I forgot that I really liked this fandom.At least as a kid,but I still love all the designs of all the characters.

I leave now..

...

Okay first

Dog :3

And now I leave

[randomgooberness]

OKAY, WE FINALLY HAVE A PIRATE EPISODE! HERE YOU LITTLE MONSTERS GO!!! <3

Mind is written by @shineyfish

WARNINGS: violence(obviously), drug mentions, smoking, and unintentional self-harm.

They traveled through the doorway, leading them down to the rest of the railway system, which was water-logged. Aside from the few bursts of unconducted energy, the rest of the track didn't seem to be electrified. Gordon mentioned Benrey being a 'powerful asset' to the team, something that Mind was vocally against, but... He did have to admit that the thing was powerful.

They raced through the labyrinth of abandoned trackways - Literally, and Tommy won - before making their way up a ladder and to another hallway, higher up and filled to the brim with soldiers.

To which, hilariously, Mind's reaction was to start talking like a pirate.

"IF IT'S A FAIR FIGHT YER LOOKIN' FOR, THEN YE'VE COME TO THE WRONG MAN!"

Gordon, bewildered out of his skull, started cackling. 

”YEAH!?” He screamed. “GET THE- GET THE- FUCK YEAH CAPTAIN MIND GET THEM! THEY DON'T HAVE ANY SKILLS GET THEIR ASSES!” 

The encouragement only seemed to make Mind laugh with him, nailing the unlucky soldiers in the hallway.

"THE BATTLE BE A' RAGIN, TIS THE PERFECT TIME TA PLUNDER!"

He dipped into one of the side rooms, opening the boxes on the shelves in search of ammo, or anything valuable. He wasn't picky.

"It appears yer treasure be naught but a ruse, these boxes be empty!"

Gordon wheezed. 

“BULLSHIT. WHERE'S OUR TREASURE.” He cackled. “CAPTAIN MIND, WHAT DO WE DO!?!” 

“Loot the bodies,” Benrey said, making Gordon choke laughing. 

“GET THEIR GUNS!”

"PLUNDER THE LOT A' THEM! SEIZE THE ARTILL'RY!"

Mind cackled, spinning his gun in his hand before shooting a bootboy. That was just showing off.

"YE CALL YERSELVES MARINES, BUT MARINERS I DINNAE SEE NONE! YER A BUNCH A' COWARDS AN' DEADWEIGHT!"

Gordon wheezed again. 

“MAKE THEM FUCKIN- what is it- MAKE THEM WALK THE PLANK!!!” He laughed, following behind him. “Dude you need like, a cool eyepatch or something.”

"AYE, A' DO!"

Mind smiled back at Gordon, looking Genuinely happy.

"Although, a' dinnae want a hook fer a hand. That can be yer thing!" 

The power absolutely going to his head, he pointed ahead with his gun.

"COMPANY, LETS SHOW THESE LANDLUBBERS TA FEAR TH' WAVES!"

“HOW AM I GONNA SHOOT WITH A HOOK HAND- wait actually hold on I got it-“ 

He took out his crowbar, grinning as he held it tight, and raced into battle alongside Mind. 

“YAAAAARG!”

"YAAHAHAHAHAAAARRGG!"

Making good on his word, Mind looted almost every soldier's body that they came across, taking no prisoners.

"Tis but a shame, we be without our mechanical longboat! Would have made this voyage easier. Alas, tis no issue!"

"OUR WH- oh a train? YEAH. OUR UH. SHIP- I'm not good at this- let's- OH SHIT- YARG!" Gordon straight up brained a soldier he found in a room, and walked inside, spotting a security officer. "OH, THERE'S A GUY IN HERE!"

Mind snorted at Gordon not understanding the pirate talk, punching him in the shoulder about it before turning to the guard. 

"AHOY THERE SQUIRE, WHAT SAY YE TA JOINING OUR CREW? I'LL GIVE YE A CUT A' ANY LOOT WE TAKE!"

The guard didn't react to the pirate voice, staring ahead at the two.

"Okay, why not.”

“Y-”

“Didn't want to die alone anyway."

Mind threw his hands in the air.

"YAAAAR! THAT BE THE SPIRIT! LET US CHARGE FORTH AND PAINT THE WALLS RED WITH BLOOD!"

Gordon started laughing so hard that he went into a coughing fit. 

"LH- HHHVKKHCKLLETSSSGOOO! LETSSSGO!!!!!" He cried, stumbling to follow Mind out. 

"C-Captain Mind!! There's- there are more soldiers on the port bow!" Tommy shouted, pointing at more soldiers approaching. 

Captain Mind yelled as he rushed the soldiers, firing at them as he did. When he got close enough he ran out of bullets, and in a slight panic used the butt of the gun to knock one of them out.

He didn't expect everyone to go along with the pirate bit if he was being honest! He had to admit though he was a fan of the captain role. He should be the leader of these guys.

Gordon shot the knocked-out soldier right between the eyes. Meanwhile, the guard didn't take cover as he shot at soldiers in the distance. 

As the bullets flew past, Mind fired back, yelling at the guard.

"GET DOWN, LAD, TAKE COVER!"

The guard did not get down or take cover and rag-dolled on the floor shortly after, the bullet hitting them in the shoulder.

Mind watched it happen with wide eyes.

"WELL WHAT USE ARE YE TAE US NOW?"

Gordon broke into cackling. It was a little stressed, but to be fair- that was extremely funny. 

”WHY DID HE DO THAT!? WHY DID- ok lets- let's keep going- we shoul- actually, any idea, Captain??”

Mind paused for a second, smiling as he assesed the area, before pointing towards one of the rooms with his gun.

"Avast, an unchecked room. Could harbour mariners, brace yerself lad!"

His throat was starting to kill him a bit. He usually didn't commit to the pirate thing for this long, but he was having a great time and nobody could stop him.

"Gotcha- ready- or uh- aye-aye? Is that- READY!" Gordon cocked his gun and gave Mind a dumb smile.

"Lets unload hot piratey death!" Bubby cheered.

His crew was full of idiots. Laughing, Mind charged on ahead.

"THEM WHO DIE BE THE LUCKY ONES, AND THAR BE PLENTY O' LUCK GOIN ROUND TODAY!"

Inside the room was three soldiers, two of which were mowed down immediately, and the last one sat in one of the chairs, seemingly unaffected by the gunfire.

"ARISE, YE LANDLUBBING SCURR, AN' FACE YER DEATH LIKE A MAN!"

Mind had his gun raised to him, but the soldier did not rise, face scrunching up at the group.

"No, I don't feel like it."

"GET UP-! GET UP, ASSHOLE!" Gordon screamed at him, running and kicking the chair over.

Miraculously, the soldier managed to stay in the chair, unfazed. Mind shot nearby the soldier's head, an incredulous laugh escaping him. Wwwhatthefuck.

"STOPPP."

Gordon started laughing so hard he turned around and left the room, before walking back in. 

"Get up!" He barked again, taking out his SMG. "GET UP, ASSHOLE!"

"Leave me aloooone!"

Mind was starting to lose it, what was with this guy?? 

"IGNORANCE CANNAE SAVE YE NOW, MATEY, DO AS HE SAYS!"

Confusion may have been apparent, but the pirate voice was unwavering.

A stray shot to the chair broke it completely, and the soldier was forced to stand, taking out his gun, but still acting as if the threat was just a minor inconvenience.

"You wanna stop- you wanna stop please?"

"WHAT- what are our chairs made out of!?" Gordon choked. "GUN ON THE GROUND, BUDDY. SET IT DOWN, NOW. I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING SKULL OUT, DON'T TEST ME-"

"God, you're so annoying."

Eyes shifting to the door for a split second, the soldier dashed out, pushing past Mind and Gordon as he did so.

"HEY, WHERE D'YE THINK YER GOIN?"

Without considering the possibility of a trap, which was strange for him, Mind ran after him.

"Come the FUCK on are you kidding me!" Gordon shouted at no one in particular, moreso the situation as he raced after them both- shooting rapidly. 

Once the soldier darted out of sight, Gordon sighed, holding a hand up. 

"STOP! Stop- we lost him." He looked to another dead soldier on the ground, noticing a lit cigar in his mouth.

Mind leaned over the railing, trying to spot where the guy went.

"Alas, he's slipperier than a fish out o' water."

He coughed, cringing slightly. 

Turning to face the rest of the team, he gave them a smile.

"No a venture that we cannae take on! We'll find th' landlubbin' scurr if 's the last thing we do."

Gordon laughed a bit. 

“Is the voice starting to hurt??”

"No."

Yes, but he wasn't going to be defeated that easily.

"Just a tad scratchy on the ol' throat."

“Alright,” Gordon rolled his eyes a little, chuckling, before bending over and picking up the cigar from the dead body. “Wait, hold on,” 

He contemplated it for a moment, standing up, before taking a drag from it. 

“Thats disgusting.” Bubby said.

Mind looked at him for a second.

Gross. You don't know where that's been. Sir. 

It felt weird to see the man smoke, he just... Didn't seem like the type. Sure, Mind himself didn't smoke often, but he's been around enough smokers.

"... D'ye usually smoke? Ye didnae have th face fer it."

Gordon took in a really, really long drag. 

“Y’gotta look good when you’re killing-“ He choked, before breaking into a massive coughing fit. 

Mind snorted. Idiot.

"Ah, I ken now. Yer a professional. Best smoker in th' world."

“Smoking is a terrible habit!” Bubby snapped. Gordon paused, blinking, and dropped the cigar on the ground, stomping at it and pointing at Dr. Coomer with extreme fury. 

”THIS ONE DRANK PISS!”

"That disnae give ye cancer."

Not helping.

“Not helping.” Gordon sighed. “Lets keep going. C’mon, captain.”

With another cough, Mind walked ahead of the group.

"Fuck-, Thar be another passage way, anchors away crew!"

The cough made Gordon cackle. 

“Bro! Stop doing it if it hurts! If you lose your voice I’m making fun of you.” He wheezed, following.

Mind went to argue, keeping to the wall as shots fired at them, before coughing violently, behind cover.

"hhghbbbb. Thaaat's enough of that. I have about 20 more years of whiskey drinking before my voice sounds like that naturally."

He covered his mouth for a second, catching his breath.

"Do we still have problems?"

He looked out from the cover and gunfire shot past him immediately.

"We still have problems."

Gordon laughed, finding immense joy in Minds antics. 

“Uh, well, we could send Benrey out, maybe- I haven’t seen him, though.”

Mind didn't look at him, but he did pause.

"... Knowing our luck, he'd either join them or just stand there like an idiot."

He made a small noise of consideration.

"This sounds like a job for Ambassador Pineapple!" He took out a grenade, "You'll be representing us on the floor, now go out there and work your magic!"

After throwing it at the problem, there was a couple seconds more of gunfire, an explosion, then silence. The entire time, Mind was twirling the pin in his hand.

"... And it sounds like we've come to a resolution!"

He ducked out of the cover.

"Testing, one two, testing... Well, I'm glad everything worked out."

“Ambassador Pineapple??” Gordon wheezed, following him out from under cover. 

“G’oh, I miss him every day!” Dr. Coomer nodded. Bubby followed as well. 

“I agree with everything he said.” 

“I-It’s always good to have peaceful conver- conversations!” Tommy added, pointing his gun thoughtlessly.

Mind nodded.

"Ambassador Pineapple."

He did not explain further, exploring over the room.

"Everyone that matters is here and accounted for, so let's move on. This room wasn't heavily guarded for no reason, I refuse to..."

Ahead on the wall was a spray painted sign that read "Surrender Freemen". Normally, Mind would just pass it off as the education of the military, but...

Freemen.

Free men.

They knew.

He swallowed, staring at it.

Gordon was walking by it, completely unaware, until he noticed Mind staring. 

“Whatcha lookin’ at, bud?” He asked brightly, walking over, before pausing as his eyes scanned the words over. “…ah.” 

“…What the fuck? You cant graffiti, that’s against the law,” Bubby, who was graffiting an hour earlier, said. “They even spelled it wrong! Blasted military education.” 

“Haha, yeah.” Gordon chuckled a little, though his expression wore the feeling of swallowing fire and being doused in ice. “Yeah they’re…stupid.”

Mind blinked a couple times, analysing Gordon's demeanor change.

... The fuck is that about?

He knew. He had to know, there was "no way he doesn't, I mean," the thing said free men. He needed to know that "means both of us." 

He wrung out his hands, glancing between the sign and Gordon.

"No... No, he doesn't." They'd been through this, if Gordon knew, then he was "damn good at hiding it. Nobody can hide shit that well" without dropping too many clues.

I can trust him. "I have to."

He picked at his face, staring back at the sign.

His thoughts felt... Overlapping, repeating over themselves and crashing against his skull like waves. A slurry of He Knows, They Know, They All Know, it was difficult to hear much else.

He took a shaky breath.

"The morphine must be wearing off."

"...I don't think you should get another dose until tomorrow, man." Gordon muttered. "Are...you okay? It...is there something I don't...know? About this?"

He took a second, looking at the grafitti again, and then back to Mind, tilting his head, eyes full of the same emotion as before, and now worry. 

"...You're talking to yourself again."

"I... Am I?"

Fuck.

He picked at the scars on his face, glancing away. 

"No, it's... It's fine, man."

He couldn't look at Gordon. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He didn’t know. It was just "my brain being a dick to me," which was why he needed the fucking morphine.

God he hated this. He needed to "get this talking to myself shit under control, fast."

Taking out his gun, counted over the ammo, trying to focus on anything else.

"Let's... Go, let's go."

"Alright." Gordon huffed, following him. "...N'don't pick at your face, man. Our gloves are probably filthy." 

[thatgirlfluxwoman]

HI ADHD! Clover wanted to ask if you wanted to be a flower girl/guy!

-Artsy Anon

YARG. SORRY IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO RESPOND TO THIS I WAS BUSy AND HAD NO WAY TO GO ON TUMBLR AT MY MOMS ANyway. If the offer is still up I'd love to be flower boy!!!! @askthequeen

[elspeth-tirel]

FMK: Yargle, Emrakul, The Gitrog Monster

Question have you been Studying my responses to try and find the most monstrous thing I'd say yes to?

Anyways

Fuck Yargle for the Yarg-Heads

Marry Emrakul because I love her she's just beautiful

Kill Gitrog Monster cause that's just a frog, nothing special about it

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

So, I was playing "The Pizzeria Roplay Remastered" on Roblox because it's honestly a well crafted set of maps that are very accurate to the games with additional areas and the Pizzaplex map is really expansive and interactive, and I decided to load myself up as Plushtrap Chaser because I had originally gone in as Springtrap to try out a few things since I got enough coins earned from tasks to buy the morph, but someone kept ramming me in the head with a Fazdrone ((to be fair, I was playing as William, so that's on me)), but anyway, I loaded up Plushtrap Chaser, and which has a few "outfits" that are basically just Damaged, Fixed, Damaged Box, Fixed Box and Default.

So, I decided to suit up with the Fixed Box and just idle around the Atrium as a sort of goof around, and I ended up coming across a Vanny and Glamrock Foxy, who were clearly being in character with thier dialogue for whatever RP they were doing, before Vanny just blinks out of existence.

Then Glamrock Foxy noticed my box and long story short, I ended up being hooked into a short RP of being a found toy in the Atrium that got escorted to Rockstar Row and that's how I got stuck on a shelf motionless for about 15 minutes. 👀

Normally, I don't do RPs, but they were so into it with the "Yarg, what might this be?", I sort of had to play along. 😅

Anyway, I have to say that TPRR is such a good game on Roblox, like, there's so much care put into the recreations of the maps, a cool hub world to access everything, achievements and minigames, costumes you can unlock with coins or tickets you can scrounge up, based on the canon game characters, the Fazbear Frights characters, the TFTP characters, Silver Eye Trilogy Characters, hoax characters, FNAF Analog Characters ((yes, Squimpus McGrimpus and Walton Files gets some representation there)), redesigns... It's really loaded with a lot of fan love, and the models look really good for it being on the Roblox engine. You can do actions for the characters to bring to life and a lot of them have thier dialogue on a soundboard so you can slap down some laughter or taunts if you want to be friendly or haunt the place.

Basically, if you want to explore the locations, there's some fantastic recreations of the old games layouts in 3D, and seasonal skins applied to the places, like right now, there's snow and ice all over them, and during Halloween had everything spooky and Fazbear's Fright was on fire, and you can explore the FNAF 4 house with a secret passage that goes right to Fredbear's Family Diner, and an unground tunnel that takes you to Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental.

Again, I am impressed with the sheer amount of stuff to do that I keep forgetting that it's just Roblox.

[5-pp-man]

Oooh you're watching Robihachi! (Saw it just now when you put one post in the series tag lol) (Or maybe you’re done already)

Anyway I'm happy you're enjoying this series, and if you don't mind, a piece of trivia that maybe (hopefully) will make you laugh – I saw you wrote that the show title is their ship name. Well, yes, but also: the whole setup is based on a piece of classical Japanese literature in which two guys, Yajirobei and Kitahachi (get it? Robby Yarge and Hatchi Kita?), called in short Yaji and Kita, are travelling together too. And they are both... not so smart.

So much that yajikita in Japanese slang means “a pair of bumbling idiots”. If you reverse yajikita to fit in the character names now, you get… (Yeah, these characters are universally idiots. I mean this in a 100% affectionate way.) (The literature bit is called Hizakurige, btw. Yes, like the robot, just without that -r. In English Shank's Mare.)

Have a good day/evening/whatever!

Yeah!! I'm still watching (currently halfway through) and I'm having fun w it :) I try to keep my liveblogging vague so I don't flood the main tag. I do try to tag stuff that's super spoiler-y, but I only use the main tag when I think its a post worth being seen, hahah

And wow!!! Thanks so much for sharing, that's super interesting! I'm reading more about Hizakurige and seeing similarities between it and RobiHachi... the 53 posts/stops... Ise Grand Shrine/Isekandar... Robby's obsession with women... I really feel like I understand and appreciate this show a lot better now, knowing what it's based on. Thanks so much!! :D

[taishis-chill-pill]

Alternate scene to Robihachi ep 7

[eijihonkers]

kpop boy group to SHANTY🌊🏴‍☠️🍻

[cynthiaandsamus]

(Anyway, while I’m still trying to recoup from not getting any 5* last night and coming to terms with the idea that my gem income will drop to like one gem per day now if that now that my beginner gems are burnt, I guess my account is established enough that it’s not a complete embarrassment to put my friend code here, been playing FGO for two weeks now so go ahead if you wanna add me I could prolly use more Friends so I’m not just spamming Yarg and Andimun’s Support Servants all the time XD)

[kri-babe]

RQOTD : Your character(s) have walked into an ice cream shop. What are they getting?

Omg I accidentally forgot all about this... mind like a siv, I tell ya. Old age’s gonna be rough for me.

I love this question though... okay... Lemme try to do a wee list cuz there’s a lot of babes I can answer this for.

Croft: Some sort of vanilla mix that has cookie pieces or dough in it.

Sam: Mint chocolate chip

Alice: Vanilla, plain

Dmitrii: Coffee lover’s/Rocky Road

JD: Pistachio

Yarg: Strawberry!

Troops: Blackberry

Keeps: That brain looking ice cream from Halloween that’s probably old af and rotten but he wants it anyway

Addi: Chocolate, with sprinkles, whipped cream, and a cherry

Roberto: Cotton candy

Lu: Turtle tracks

Cass: Everything but the kitchen sink

Sage: Neopolitan

I can’t... remember who else I have. I tried lmfao Ty bby! @cigarettes-n-daisies

[hideawayintheimaginationworld]

Apparently Ladyfizi wasn’t told what Alec looked like so they kinda made their own design for Alec.

Anyways I’m not the only one who finds this design rlly ugly right???? Like ladyfizi’s interpretations of Millie, Oswald, and Sarah are ok(Sarah’s could be better tbh) but there’s something about the scrapped artwork for Alec that really bothers me. Do you get what I mean????

Oh my god, another person who thinks it's ugly, we are friends now.

I thought I was alone but I really hated it for some reason, someone else redrew it with Alec's correct look (blonde hair and green eyes) and it looks fantastic (they even replaced the doll in the original drawing with the Yarg Foxy plushie).

I just thought that version... I couldn’t tell how old Alec was (Alec is 15), he looked closer to an adult and it bothered me.

[quiverwingquack]

WIT, lit blu, purble, piNk, bron, yarg and uhhh every nice thing anyway hii again jay :]

Hi again! 💜

[peachdoxie]

Yarg emailing professors is hard. I've succeeded at emailing...zero, actually, in the like two hours I've been here. 

It's hard for me I think because the whole "email professors to express your interest in working with them before you apply to PhD programs" seems unnecessary and pointless. Like, I know the email is supposed to mean that you are expressing interest that you'd like to work with the professor in a PhD program, but everything else seems overly formal and arbitrary.

"Hello Prof. So-and-so. Here is some context about me. Here are my interests and how they align with yours. Can I talk to you more about your work? Thanks!"  

It doesn't seem to me like anything more than basically just letting the professor know you exist so that maybe you'll get a leg up during the application vetting. Obviously, it shows that you are willing to put in the effort to research what people are doing. But isn't that the point of the statement of purpose, to show that you are qualified and have done your research into the people at the program??? 

Asking about someone's research too seems pointless because, in this day and age, most of the basics of their research are online or accessible via libraries and stuff. Asking more about their research seems counter intuitive when the point of the email is showing that you already KNOW about their research. The idk logical/pragmatic/whatever side of me understands that at least part of it is likely to provide a way to unofficially vet applicants based on how much interest they showed in the program already.

I guess it's just really hard for me because there aren't any professors among the various schools I'm looking at that I REALLY want to work with. There are some that stand out more than others, yeah, but none of them are really aligned with anything I'm interested in beyond surface level descriptors. Studying the 21st century Hollywood animation industry isn't something that's done much in academia. The only people who do anything with it that I've been able to find are people who work in the industry and the odd person who teaches at a college, not a university with a graduate school that I can apply to.

So I'm stuck. I'm stuck and I'm frustrated because I don't like making what seems to be essentially small talk with complete strangers that I'm only partially interested in for very little reason other than to make me slightly more interesting of a candidate for a PhD program. It's frustrating and to tell the truth I don't really have many questions about people's research or about the program in general and I am not good at pretending that I am because it takes up too much of the limited mental energy that I have to really make it worth it emotionally. 

Anyway thanks for reading my rant/plea for help/ted talk like comment subscribe

[maryofone]

What Are We?

At the beginning of every relationship there comes a point where you have to have your first ‘status check’. Before you even call it a relationship you have to have one, otherwise you might not even know you’re in a relationship. I both love and hate these status checks because they ultimately boil down to a very quick conversation, maybe even just a few seconds, but the implications of this conversation are so huge; whatever relationship status you both decide on is going to impact a significant element of your personal life; so much potential for sublime joy and/or crippling disappointment. The ‘what are we’ chat is about as loaded as conversations get.

My first boyfriend and I never actually had the ‘what are we’ chat. Well, actually that’s not true, I tried to have it on a couple of occasions and his answer was basically “nothing.” But at some point I twisted his arm into having just one emotionally expressive conversation with me, and even though the conversation ended with him saying he didn’t want anything serious, I must have said something in that conversation that got him thinking, because a few days later he invited me to meet his parents. Not what I was expecting, but a pretty clear sign he was (suddenly?) super serious about us. Somehow it was easier for him to introduce me to his mother than to just say the words “be my girlfriend.”

My next boyfriend almost hung the sign from a bridge over the DVP. When he and I decided to make it official he used ALL his words to let me know what we were. Seemed hell-bent on proving his commitment to me (and possibly himself too). Said he wanted to go all-in, let’s do this, you’re my queen, goodbye harem, what are we? We are EVERYTHING. Ex-communicated all of the women he’d been flirting with for years, threw a party and introduced me to his friends and his father, and gave me space in is closet. All in the first week we were dating. Definitely the most fun status check I’ve ever had in a relationship, and I barely had to say anything.

As for the last guy I was with, that status check took a WHILE. It felt like I was trying to lure a trembling deer to eat from the palm of my hand, and if I just stayed quiet enough for long enough then eventually he’d come around. I made light attempts at initiating the 'what are we’ chat but he would shut it down prematurely with an infuriatingly mysterious response about how he likes me but I need to be patient with him. Yarg. Anyway, seven months into this thing we had, whatever this thing was, just as I’d essentially reached the point where I didn’t even want to try and find out if we were anything, he sprung it on me. The conversation, I mean. I have to give him points, at least for this conversation because he totally put on his big boy pants and articulated his feelings; had a proper lead-up to the big reveal of his decision, as if he’d perhaps even planned what he was going to say; didn’t go insanely over the top with it, just sincerely said he wanted me to be his girlfriend. And since I was such a psycho hose beast in high school who never had a guy properly ‘ask me out’, it made my inner teen want to squeal on the inside. The entire relationship burnt to the ground two weeks later, of course, but at least that status check will remain a positive memory!

I like hearing stories of how real couples who actually love each other first had the ‘what are we’ chat. Even when two people are both on the same page and both want the same thing, it’s still such a vulnerable moment; like they’re 12 years old, looking down and trying not to smile, kicking the dust at their feet. I usually hate awkward conversations but I look forward to that one.