#anyways... that won't stop me from posting

[kfaem]

drunk thoughts - Zayne Li (LNDS)

pairing: Zayne x Mc genre: fluff, comedy, suggestive-ish (mostly inappropriate comments), some angst if you squint (it's implied that caleb and grandma are dead), domestic cw: established relationship, drinking, she really wants to get into zayne's pants lol, she's hungover in the morning authors note: it's late an i am really tired but got motivation to write so here we are. unedited mess. fun fact about me, I don't get hung over anymore :)

It would be a lie to say Zayne was shocked when his phone rang at the late time 2:36 AM, his lover's name appearing on his screen. Zayne had grown familiar with the Saturday night calls after a mission, her colleagues were always hosting post-mission dinners, which almost always involved alcohol. Zayne glanced at the clock, figuring that the night at the hospital had been slow enough to allow him to slip away just to make sure his girlfriend gets home safe.

Greyson wraps his knuckles on the door, announcing that his girlfriend's colleague was on the line saying she needs a ride home and won't get into the cab they called for her. He sighed, slipping off his glasses and setting them down beside his computer.

"I hope you won't mind my absence, I have to make sure she gets home safely." Zayne hung up his lab coat and grabbed his normal jacket, glancing outside at the freezing cold rain slamming down from the sky. "I shouldn't be more than an hour."

"Go ahead, not like we don't have enough help here anyways." Greyson nodded at him with a knowing smile, leaving the door open behind him knowing the other doctor would follow soon after.

He would be lying if he said her behaviour didn't worry him. The frequent Saturday late night's and the drinking. But he also knew life hadn't quite exactly been kind to her.

Zayne pulled up outside of the bar, spotting a familiar tall blond male and Tara, who were both struggling to keep his girlfriend from running off somewhere. "Oh thank god you're here Zayne, she kept insisting that she knew her limit and just... kept going. I tried to stop her but it... obviously didn't work." Tara chuckled awkwardly.

MC's eyes lit up at the sight of her tall, handsome boyfriend and she rushed over, throwing her arms around him. "You didn't forget about me!" He sighed as she nuzzled her red flushed cheeks against his chest, continuing to blab about how much she missed him. "Mmm, someone tried hitting on me and I told them that my big scary boyfriend would hurt them if they tried anything."

Tara met Zayne's eyes, nodding in confirmation at the girl's claims. "He was kinda scary- real big and muscley, I was actually kinda scared but I knew you'd be here to protect me if I needed help." Zayne frowned, petting her hair comfortingly. "Can we go home now? I wanna sleep..."

"Thank you guys for taking care of her, I'm sure she'll share her appreciation with you both in the morning."

"It's no problem." Xavier nodded.

The ride home was surprisingly quiet, he figured the drunken girl had fallen asleep pretty quickly. That was until they drove past her old apartment. "Y'know..." she slurred. "Hm?" Zayne hummed in acknowledgment. "Even though my old place was nice, I'm glad you asked me to live with you... I feel so much happier having you with me."

"I'm glad." The corner of his mouth lifted, sneaking a glance at her glossy eyes, flushed face, and pouty lips. "We're almost home, are you alright with me getting you ready for bed?"

"We've had sex Zayne, I don' care what you do." She lazily looked at him, lips curled into a smile. "As long as 's you."

He coughed at her brazenness and refocused on the road. "You're always so forward when you drink, it's as if you took a truth serum."

"Mmm, I don' need a truth serum when it comes to you." She let out a deep, content sigh, turning almost on her side to look at him fully. "Zayne?"

"Yes my love?"

"I love you. A lot. Like, way too much. I dunno what I would do without you." Her hand found it's way onto his shoulder, where she allowed her fingers to wander. "You're all I really got left." She mumbled. "I can't wait to get old with you."

"Anyway..." she hummed, mood shifting completely, "we don't get to see each other as often anymore. I don't remember our last date night." As she pouted, he smiled slightly. The memory fondly reappearing in his mind.

"Last Sunday we went for a picnic at that lake a few miles out, a goose stole your sandwich and you pouted for almost the entire day. After that, we went to an older style arcade where we played some games from our childhood and won... three plushies, one of which now sits in my office next to a photo of you."

"How do you remember all of that so perfectly?"

"Because I cherish every moment we spend together." Upon realizing that she likely wouldn't remember much of this, he decided to stop. "There, we're home."

He held back a chuckle as she fumbled with the door handle, failing to open it for a long enough time that he found his way around to pick her up out of the passenger seat. "I could've gotten that!"

"Right, that's why I had to grab you."

"Hmph!" Even with her arm wrapped around his neck and her face cuddled into his chest, she found a way to complain.

He felt her eyes on him the entire walk over to the elevator, a smirk found it's way over his face. "Is there something you wish to say, my aurora?"

"Hmm...no, you're just reallllllly pretty... I wanna kiss you..." He sighed, his thumb caressed her thigh. "Mmm, do you wanna kiss me too doctor?"

"Not when you're like this, no." Zayne fumbled for the elevator button, trying to keep her steady in case she slipped out of his grasp. "If you can remember this tomorrow, I'll gladly kiss you after you've cleaned up."

"You're no fun, y'know that right?"

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor and luckily, she seemed so focused on staring at his face that she stopped trying to make advances on him. "Shit..." he mumbled, reaching their door and realizing that his keycard was in his back pocket. "I have to set you down now, can you stand?"

"Mhmm, I'm not a baby deer, I can take care of myself!" She said this with a childish pout that had him chuckling. "What's so funny?"

With the door open, he quickly went to pick her up again, but much to his dismay, she rushed inside. As if she was on ice, she slipped, falling into the table next to the door. "Alright, that's enough..." He swept her up, not letting her squirming deter him from getting her to their room. "I'm going to change you now, is that okay?" She stared at him with big doe eyes, as if none of his words made it out of his mouth. "MC?"

Her gaze lowered to his lips and back up to his eyes, a knowing look came over her eyes. "I...really want you right now."

"As I said earlier, if you can remember this tomorrow, I'll consider humoring you."

"'m not that drunk though, please babe? It's been so long..."

"I already said no, now I am going to ask again, is it alright if I change your clothes?"

Her lip stuck out in a childish pout, clearly upset that she was turned down yet again. "Mhm, go ahead."

After a rough fifteen minutes and very much struggling, she was out of her clothes and into her pajamas, and now laying down on their bed. "You...didn't win, but I'm tired now...'m gonna go t' sleep now..."

"Of course I didn't, go to sleep my love, I'll see you in the morning."

Zayne gently shut the bedroom door behind him as he left the room, letting out a deep sigh as the chaos was finally over.

She woke up with a pounding headache, her body aching all over. Her hand felt around the bed, searching for the familiar heat that she craved. But it was cold. She opened one of her eyes, blinking away the sleep and pain at the bright sunlight that flooded the room. "Ughhh, did I get hit by a truck or something?" MC mumbled, pushing herself up.

"No, but you did drink far too much." Zayne's calm voice reminded her that she was at home, thankfully, and she was safe. "Not to mention, you apparently got into some trouble prior to me showing up to rescue you."

She racked her brain searching for memories from last night, bits and pieces coming to her in a embarrassing rush. "Gods...please tell me I wasn't too bad."

"Aside from trying to sleep with me and talking a bunch of nonsense, I can't say you were... too bad. Just mildly inappropriate." Finally he set a glass of water down, followed by him holding two painkillers up to her mouth. "Open."

Her throat was sore, likely from a night of shouting and reckless drinking, but the water felt nice. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I drank so much this time."

"You're fine, but I do recommend checking with Tara to see if there's anything you may need to apologize for." Zayne brushed a piece of loose hair away from her face. "Don't worry too much, just rest today. I made breakfast, would you like to come out to eat or should I bring it here for you?"

"I'll come out."

"Alright, I'll meet you out there."

[myfandomrealitea]

I had to check myself recently because I'm so used to being in discord servers with vent channels, that when I ended up joining one *without* a vent channel, I realized Holy shit, where can I go to complain about the day-to-day things that piss me off? And I thought of your post & took a step back, like You know what? I can complain on my own time, on my own blog, or in private to a close friend who offers to listen. I can just let this server be fun.

Anyway, I think people are still furious over your post because (and forgive me if someone's said this before) the availability and reach of the internet has conditioned ppl to believe that it's acceptable/required/encouraged to vent in any space, at any time, to anyone, and that the audience should willingly receive it. It's like a form of brainwashing.

Honestly, the single major response I've gotten is people screaming that I'm an evil racist white bitch oppressing people of color because I'm asking them not to talk about genocide or police brutality in fandom spaces.

There is a huge, huge difference between stopping someone who is actually, actively being racist within a public space and asking people not to force others to constantly engage with and expose themselves to the horrors of the world, especially in spaces where they have retreated specifically to recover from those things.

Its basically like going to a wellness and recovery retreat and forcing everyone there to watch the news and read articles and watch videos about world horrors.

Almost everyone in a Discord server has profiles on other social medias. Everyone on the internet sees, willingly or not, what is happening in the world right now. We all know these things happen. We are not blind. We are not ignoring it.

When I go onto Discord and go into my silly little fandom servers, its after I've spent an hour on Tumblr on my main blog reblogging aid posts. Circulating information. Doing my best to connect people to people who can help them. Its after I've spent my lunch break at work listening to my colleagues talking about the latest knifing or child kidnapping. Its after checking Snapchat only to see headlines like MAN BRUTALLY STABS DOG IN PUBLIC PARK.

When I go into those servers, its because I need to get away from all of that. I need to have that time away where I can recover and recharge or I simply won't go online because I know there is absolutely nowhere online where I can simply enjoy something without other people grabbing me by the head and forcing me to look elsewhere at things that are horrific and upsetting.

And the thing about those spaces is they themselves need protection and moderation in order to remain safe. And you know what that means?

It means preventing racism and homophobia. It means if someone is being unpleasant, they get shut down. If someone is being bigoted, they get removed. Because they are making that space unsafe.

Literally nobody except these idiots screaming about racism are suggesting that we just outright allow racism to keep happening.

[didalexiabreakupwitholgayet]

oh my god they were completely mobbed 😭😭 do you ever just feel so bad for the players like dear god. i sometimes get this overwhelming feeling of guilt as a fan even though i’ve never done anything like that 😭

it just feels like such an invasion of privacy and it makes me sad because players and fans used to be chill and happy and now people have no concept of boundaries and with that we are losing connections with players 💔 breaks my heart

lordy lord

well, it's not just being mobbed at the airport. players know that every interaction is being filmed (and oftentimes in 4K 😭). so it's only natural that they are going to be giving less and less of themselves. it's just the natural by product of fame and fandom.

i remember when the spanish players were quite unknown and could move about freely and would post everything from semi-topless photos to couples pics without a second thought. and they wouldn't get harassed and could just live their lives. and they could spend 5-10 minutes just chatting with individual or small groups of fans after matches. just a different world back then.

now we have sections of fans literally scrutinising elevator panels in buildings from selfies to determine where the players are and live 🙄, so yeah, i would say that's crossing boundaries.

thankfully i still think the majority of fans are chill and cool and respect the players, but the section of fandom that's tagging players inappropriate messages or photos, not respecting players' bodies (remember those fans who were throwing objects at the players to sign at johan?!), and just being bullies or targeting them on social media need to stop. they are embarrassing themselves.

anyway, i won't say more. be cool, everyone.

[vii-doodles]

StaticApple week day 4: helluva boss ref/ free choice

I had the moment where Stolas got kidnapped and blitzø saw him getting brought to the hospital saying the line 'he can get hurt?'

But I don't feel like it's coming across from my comic? I have a proper helluva ref one too (which is a funny one dw) but I will post that at the end of this all!

Little fic idea I had for this under the cut

The battle was brutal. The exterminators were merciless as ever, their angelic weapons cutting through the air with deadly precision. In a heartbeat, Lucifer saw an angelic spear hurtling towards Vox. Without a second thought, he threw himself in its path. The spear pierced through his back, emerging from his chest in a burst of divine energy. Golden blood splattering on the ground. He can't help but whince at the pain, a small tear forming from the fiery feeling. It didn't hurt anything lethal though, since he didn't need his lungs for breathing anyways, but if that spear had gotten to Vox's sinner body...

A sharp gasp escaped his lips, but he remained standing, defiant.

Lucifer's hand gripped the spear's shaft, and with a grunt, he pulled it free, the wound already beginning to close thanks to his angelic resilience. "Vox!" he called out, his voice thick with worry.

Vox needed a full second to realize what just happened in front of him. He took the rest of his energy to get up and run towards Lucifer.

"Are you okay??"

Getting catched by the wounded angel in a tight embrace.

"I'm okay, love"

"Don't ever scare me like that again!!"

Vox trembled in the embrace, holding tight like he would lose him the second he let's go.

Lucifer couldnt help but smile at the tightening embrace, ignoring the stingy feeling of his wound against Vox's tight grip. He hugged him back.

"ok ok I won't, I promise"

He got a little distance between them to examine Vox only to see how horribly hurt Vox was and his heart nearly stopped. His abdomen torn open and one leg missing. Where his foot should have been, cables spilled out, sparking with light electrical bolts. Vox's face, usually so composed, was contorted in pain but he was smiling at Lucifer.

"Vox!" Lucifers eyes widened at the sight of it all. The blood was smeared all over them, still leaking from Vox's abdomen.

"Are you okay, you'd don't look OK, Vox??"

Vox smile turned into a grimace as he tried to not focus on the pain and warning messages flooding his systems. "I'm... I'm fine, Lu," he said, his voice glitching. His screens flickered with static, and he nearly fainted, his body trembling with the effort to stay conscious.

Lucifer’s heart ached at the sight. "No, you're not. Hold on, love. I've got you." He placed his hands over Vox's torn abdomen, his eyes glowing with divine energy. Warm, golden light emanated from his palms, enveloping Vox in a soothing, healing embrace.

The light seeped into Vox’s wounds, knitting the torn flesh and reconnecting the severed cables. Vox’s screens flickered, then stabilized as the healing energy flowed through him. His abdomen began to close, the gaping wound shrinking until it was nothing but a faint scar. His leg, though still missing, ceased its electrical sparking, the cables retracting and stabilizing.

Vox’s breath steadied, his face relaxing as the pain subsided. He opened his eyes, looking up at Lucifer with awe. He wasn't aware lucifer could heal others. "You suprise me everyday" he whispered, his voice steady once more.

Lucifer smiled, his eyes softening. "I told you, Vox. I’m not letting anything happen to you." He brushed a hand over Vox’s screen, the gesture tender despite the chaos around them.

Vox managed a chuckle, albeit a weak one. "You always have to be the hero, don't you?"

Lucifer laughed softly. "Only for you." He leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Vox’s forehead. "Let's get you out of here."

Carefully, Lucifer helped Vox to steady his stands. Though Vox's leg was still missing, he managed to stand with Lucifer's support. They made their way through the battlefield, the light of Lucifer's divine power warding off any remaining threats but overall the battle was over with a the the portal to Heaven closing in.

As they finally reached the safety of the hotel, Lucifer looked at Vox, his expression serious. "You need to rest and fully recover. No arguments."

Vox nodded, leaning heavily on Lucifer. "No arguments," he agreed. "Thank you. For everything."

Lucifer smiled, his eyes filled with love. "Always, Vox. Always."

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

Alright guys I got some bad news.

I'm not getting better from my sickness at all, it just keeps fluctuating between moments I feel better and then my blood pressure drops like ice and I have almost passed out like three times in less than 12 hours as of now. My dad keeps constantly checking on me and last night when I nearly passed out twice, he said I'm definitely anemic, so...

I need to take a break from my hobbies/personal projects, so the only effort I'll do for the next days/weeks will be teaching/checking homeworks/applying the exams that are still left to apply and working on art commissions. I doubt I can even teach an entire class for three hours unless I do it while lying down in bed. I still gotta try anyway, every day I don't teach, it's a day less of pay by the end of the month and I need the money which is already a low pay, but we've all been unemployed in this house since early 2019 so anything is better than the alternative (this isn't an actual job, just a contract that can be stopped at any given moment 🥲).

I'll leave this blog (self-indulgent-paw-patrol)'s askbox open only for the reason it doesn't kill me to type away XD But the pups askblog (diy-fire-water-pups) will have to go on hiatus for a while so I won't be worrying about drawing for their replies.

I don't know how long it'll take for me to get better for real. It took my dad and younger bro a little over two weeks before they even began to actually recover, and as I fell sick right after that and I am the weakest from the bunch in this house... Chances are I'll take even longer. Today's only my 5th day sick yet. Yikes.

That's it for now, I guess. I'll keep you all updated if anything changes or happens. I'll also leave this post pinned on both blogs, just in case.

[priceofreedom]

FF7 replay 79/?

[buggachat]

honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.

i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue

[trans-queen-administrator]

One year ago, give it take a few days, I started reading Worm. I finished it in a week. I don't think I'll ever read a story that affects me as much as Taylor's did, and since it's the anniversary of me reading Worm I think I might as well get sappy and emotional and write out how much Worm impacted me.

Tw: talking about suicide

I was in a terrible spot before Worm. Behind in every single class, failing to eat or drink or even just get out of bed for entire days, ghosting all of my friends and family just because I couldn't work up the will to talk, I just rotted in my dorm all day and let the tasks pile up higher and higher because I didn't know how to dig myself up, so I just gave up. I found Worm from some stupid meme that I saw while scrolling through social media for 13 hours a day in an attempt to drown out thoughts, and for reasons I still don't know I started to read it instead of returning to my blank inertia. I hadn't had the mental willpower to read or even feel anything in months, and it was completely out of character to immediately read it instead of just saying I'd do it later.

My sleep schedule was already fucked, once I got started it wasn't really a shock that I stayed up until like 5 am.

The week went by, I got to Leviathan, the Nine, Echidna, countless incredible interludes, and somewhere early on I think Worm became some sort of last hurrah. I'm not totally sure if I would have done it, but I had rough plans for methods of killing myself. Worm is a long work, impressively so, I was telling myself I'd finish it so I had something to be at least somewhat proud of before I went. It was a means of procrastination for the end since I didn't want to leave it unfinished, and also a road to it since once I was done reading then it would be time.

I became completely closed off from the world, even more than I had been previously. I dropped any pretenses of passing or attending class, what would the point be when I wouldn't be around for the grade? My meals became even less frequent, and when I had them it was always accompanied by reading. My sleep time was cut in half, I was waking up earlier and going to bed later all to read Worm. It was a week long fugue where I ceased to exist except for my ability to read the text. Once I was done reading, that would be it for me, and since I had closed myself off from pretty much everything there were no outside sources to convince me to change my mind. Just Worm. And it managed to do it.

Something about Taylor's absolutely insane amount of willpower just hit me hard. I remember when I read Speck and was reduced to a sobbing wreck for a day that was one of my strongest thoughts about her. She just tried so hard for everything, and absolutely never gave up as long as there was some way she could try to do something. I never learned how to put all my effort into stuff, but Taylor was inspiring enough that I wanted to at least try to learn how to try. It sounds cringey to write down, but if she could try so hard that she united all of humanity to kill an omnicidal god, then I could at the very least try to eat lunch.

Speaking of lunch, I read 90% of Speck in the corner of my college dining hall. It was like 4:00 and I was the only one there somehow, which is great because I was breaking down the entire time as I read Taylor fall apart. I don't think I'll ever read anything that hurt as much as Speck.

Another part of Taylor that was just as crucial to making me want to live was showing how much her self destructiveness hurt others. How could I justify killing myself when I just read how much it fucking tore at Taylor's friends when she became Khepri? When Lisa scrambled to just barely save Taylor from a suicide attempt in the first chapter of Gold Morning? Even when she just left them behind, Rachel's anguish was palpable, so who was I to ghost my friends because I was too scared to text anyone? I always knew on a logical level people would be sad if I died, but seeing such solid depictions of hurt from similar situations just... I dunno, I couldn't justify it when it was so much clearer to me how much it would hurt people I love.

I took a day to emotionally recover from the mental rewiring that comes from finishing Worm, and then I called my parents and told them how poorly I had been doing. I hadn't done it before because I didn't want to be a burden. They were happy to help. I dropped all my classes and went home. Worm stayed with me, it gave me some sort of substance to my life, something to latch on to. Making ideas for fanfics that I'd never write, talking with friends I'd made through Worm, rereading Speck if I needed a good cry, all of it kept me going and made my life feel less flat. Like five months later I started posting to this account and that was another outlet. It was just fun to analyze the text and make up theories about this work that did so much for me, and when I finally started posting them online that was good fun too. Thank y'all for reading my dinky little rambles, somehow I've cracked 400 followers on what was originally just a place for me to write down my thoughts during lunch hour at a mental hospital. Whenever I get a detailed comment in the notes, or I see someone like/reblog 20 of my posts in a row as they scroll through, or I see the names of people I always see in my notifications it just makes my day. Y'all are lovely.

And well, now it's been a year. Worm was supposed to be the final story I read, a countdown to the end in 1.7 million words, but it managed to convince me to keep going. I didn't think I'd make it to the next year or even the next month, but it's November again and I'm still here. I'm not doing great, but I'm here and I have Worm to thank for that.

[art-spren]

the good news: I'm still here hi

the bad news: all I have to offer is this fucking sofa meme again

[front-facing-pokemon]

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

[blujayonthewing]

had the thought 'it might be interesting to also collect a cicada nymph before it can molt and keep it as a wet specimen' and then immediately the concept of a cicada quietly growing underground for thirteen years to finally, finally emerge into the world only to get killed and put in a jar before it ever has a chance to stretch its wings just because some idiot thought it'd be neat nearly made me cry

[mid-nightowl]

that preview for joker: the man who stopped laughing #12 has got me HYPED

[mattodore]

close my eyes, wonder why, i see darkness in you

[syb-la-tortue]

if you see this, you might be a little lost

hello, Syb here, haven’t logged into this account in years, but I’ve noticed this account still get new followers regularly? somehow? how did you even find this place?? XD

my active account on tumblr is SybLaTortue, and yes, it is sadly permanently flagged and I can’t get my cute turtle icon over there and the blog is unsearchable and I have to censor the sexy stuff and it sucks, but I’m not gonna move blog and start posting here unless SybLaTortue gets truly deleted

so like sure, in case of disaster you might find me here, but if you wanna see my art and send me asks on tumblr, SybLaTortue (without the dashes!) is where you’ll find that!

I am also on twitter, where art is posted without censoring (when I post a cropped art on tumblr I’ll always put a link to the twitter mirror) and patreon if you want to support me and see some art months before I post it on here~