#apparently tissues has a wife and children??

[q-uzi]

doodles

[abibliophobiaa]

Beyond: Chapter 11 Preview

coming 9/1 @ 12pm EST

warnings: mentions of infidelity (not between steve and r).

——

She’s there, in front of the mirror, when you find her. A beautiful green dress that clings to her every curve. Lovely and dominant — just as she has been every time you’ve seen her. Only this time you notice the rims of her green eyes are tinged red. Like she’s been crying.

She wipes a tissue along the bottom of her nose and sniffles, just as her head lifts and she catches your reflection in the mirror. A pitiful, watery laugh spills from her as she waves you closer, body turning toward yours once you’re beside her, her arms looping loosely around your shoulders. And then she’s crying. Not softly — full on sobs that wrack her form and have your palms sliding up to press against her back, rubbing up and down like you do for Steve before he sleeps some nights.

“He’s cheating again,” she whimpers. And your heart breaks over the word ‘again.’ You recall those memories of your initial meeting with her. How she seemed so sad when she admired your photos, claiming you’d gotten the ‘good Harrington.’ “He thinks I’m an idiot, but it’s not hard to put two and two together when he upgraded my engagement ring. Last time, he bought me diamond earrings.”

“Cami…”

“I thought he was done,” she cries, palm wiping at her face from over your shoulder. “But he’d been working late and missing the kid’s events and I — I should have figured it out. I went through his phone.” Within you, your stomach drops.

“It’s been going on for months,” she continues, sniffling loudly. “He’s been fucking her for months. His last business trip…there was no business trip. He’d gone away to Miami with her. I found the hotel booking. Two people, single bed. Fuck — how can I be so stupid?”

“You’re not stupid, Cami. He’s an asshole,” you tell her, pulling back a bit to cup her face within your palms. “Him. He’s the asshole. You have a beautiful family together and he’s taken advantage of that. What are you going to do?”

You want to tell her to leave him. To hang his ass out to dry for all he’s worth. To make him regret every choice he’s made toward his wife who quite literally radiates sunshine. And yet — you know you can’t. Can’t tether that line of friendship. Ultimately, it’s her choice. You can try and make her see the light, to make her understand what you’ve seen from the moment you met the man, but you also understand there are years of history between them. Two children between them.

“After the holiday, he booked us a trip. He wants to work on our marriage. Apparently he got another raise and wants to spoil me.” She brushes beneath her eyes, trying to fix the mascara lines along her lower lashes. “He’d probably booked it right after I found out. So tonight we’ll put on appearances, I’ll be the perfect wife like he expects, we’ll go on our vacation…and then I plan on staying with my family for a while. I’ll take the kids with me.”

“Good,” you whisper, reaching around her to grab a tissue. Pressing it beneath her eyes to collect her tears, you add, “Steve and I are here for whatever you need. In any capacity. Even if you just want to text me.”

“Thank you.” She swipes at her face, turning to the mirror to pinch at her cheeks and bring some color back to her pale, freckled skin. “We should get back out there…before people notice we’ve been gone long.”

“Hey, Cami?” She pauses at the door as you call out her name, offering the barest of smiles. “It’s gonna be okay, you know?”

She presses her lips together. A tense line, cheeks and eyes still flushed from her crying. “Thank you. Really.”

“We’re family, right?” you offer her a little weakly.

“Right.”

——

[toaarcan]

RWBY isn’t anti-abuse victim, FFS

Still not sure how people ended up reaching the conclusion of “RWBY has a bad message because it makes victims of abuse and neglect into villains.”

Like bruh, okay, I’ll grant you that Salem, Cinder, Mercury, Adam, and Neo were subject to some pretty shitty treatment early in life, and this at least in part made them who they are today.

But all four of the titular protagonists were also victims of abuse and/or neglect.

Ruby and Yang had to fend for themselves after Tai was unable to deal with his grief from losing Raven and Summer in quick succession. While other parts of the show’s lore imply that Tai recovered at some point after Yang’s first attempt to find Raven ended in disaster, or at least he had good days as well as bad ones, Yang still had to step into her parents’ role for a while.

And that’s just what applies to both of them. Yang gets a double-whammy as well, because Remnant’s Third Worst Mum over there decided to dip almost as soon as she was born.

Weiss, meanwhile, gets to deal with an abusive shitheel of a father who decided it was a great idea to say the quiet part out loud and admit that he only married Willow for her name and money on their younger daughter’s birthday. Jacques is both verbally and physically abusive, and remains unassailable due to his wealth, power, and friendship with the kingdom’s ruler, until he got caught doing election fraud.

She’s also got to deal with Willow’s coping mechanism being alcoholism, and how self-destructive she became during her lower days (as seen in the DC comics). Like with Tai, this is more a case of the parent’s (understandable) inability to deal with their own trauma inducing more trauma in the next generation, but it’s still something she had to endure.

And then there’s Blake. Blake who was in the region of 12-14 when she was groomed by an older man, and trapped in an abusive relationship until shortly before she became an adult. And after she escaped, her abuser tracked her down, burned her new life to the ground, stabbed her in the gut and maimed her new partner/lover, before ordering a hit on her parents and subsequently stalking her across Anima and forcing her and Yang into a fight to the death.

Blake had it pretty fuckin’ rough.

And hey, that’s just our four main leads. How about their allies?

Well, let’s start with Nora. She had Remnant’s Second Worst Mum, and presumably also its Second Worst Dad, who abandoned her on the streets of a random village.

And hey, how ‘bout the rest of the Schnee family? Winter and Whitley were in functionally the same situation as Weiss. And Willow obviously also had to deal with being married to Jacques, something that fucked her life up completely. Oh, but let’s go for one more. Oz. Oz, who’s second go-around at life ended with him being burned to death by his own wife, after a battle where he saw all four of their children also die. Oz, who has then spent the following centuries constantly coming back, and occasionally being murdered by his ex-wife’s followers. Oz, the shambling mass of scar tissue, stumbling around in the approximate shape of a man, because he was manipulated into agreeing to a shitty deal by an arrogant god, and he decided that maybe killing all of humanity and replacing them with his and Salem’s kids wasn’t a good idea.

Bonus addition: Emerald. She’s new to our protagonists, and we don’t have a huge amount of information about her backstory compared to the others, but it’s very apparent that she was also an orphan when Cinder found her. Whether that’s in the traditional sense or the “They went out for cigarettes ten years ago” sense, I’m not sure, but if it’s the latter, that’s one more for the list.

RWBY isn’t condemning abuse victims by depicting them as monsters. It has significantly more good-aligned characters who endured abuse. What RWBY does do is make villains of those who perpetuate the cycle.

Salem was abused, but ended up killing her husband and kids. Villain. Cinder was abused, and now gleefully executes teenagers for kicks. Villain. Adam endured horrible treatment under the SDC, and then went on to groom and abuse someone who was still a child when he started. Villain. Mercury and Neo are more up in the air at the moment, but I genuinely think both of them will be redeemed by the end of the series. The same may even happen for Cinder and Salem, but I’m less certain about that. Frankly I can never tell what the writers want Cinder to be.

We have abuse victims who became heroes and abuse victims who became villains, and the difference between them is that the latter category are currently opting to make it everyone else’s problem. But as we’ve seen with Emerald, those choices aren’t set in stone.

To quote something else that gave its hero and villain similar trauma:

“There is a difference between you and me: We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back, you blinked.”

[katie-the-bug]

My thoughts on Soul Harvest, part 2

I'm back.

The Characters:

The Tribulation Force: Rayford Steele, Christian pilot of the Antichrist; Buck Williams, reporter; Chloe Williams, Rayford's daughter and Buck's pregnant wife; Amanda Steele, Rayford's missing wife; Bruce Barnes, the group's dead pastor; Tsion Ben-Judah, Bruce's replacement; Mac McCullum, new Christian and Rayford's copilot; Ken Ritz, new Christian and Buck's pilot.

Antichrist and Friends: Nicolae Carpathia, Antichrist and Potentate of the Global Community; Leon Fortunato, Nicolae's chief yes-man; Hattie Durham, Nicolae's pregnant ex.

In Chapter 14 we hear that Hattie's staying at a facility that seems to be half abortion clinic, half women's shelter that apparently also raises unwanted children. I don't know what kind of place the authors could have based this on other than perhaps a medieval nunnery.

A few books ago the authors introduced Peter Mathews, the Catholic pope and Pontifex Maximus of "Enigma Babylon One World Faith." Only now have they caught on that a modern Pope Peter would in fact be called "Peter the Second."

While arguing with Buck, Chloe said, "I don't have a problem submitting to you..." and nothing after that registered in my brain because of how gross it is. Do I have to explain? Eew.

Chloe also asks if she's been "demoted to mascot" of the Tribulation Force, implying that the authors treated her like anything else to begin with.

In Chapter 16, Tsion gives a newly converted Ken a book called "How to Begin the Christian Life," before saying that "the Scriptures do not refer to use who become believers after the Rapture as Christians. We are referred to as tribulation saints." Distinction without a difference.

"I believe the very idea of a one-world government, or currency, or especially faith (or I should say nonfaith) is from the pit of Hell." Just in case it wasn't clear how the authors feel about human unity.

Tsion reveals that some TV channels show "real violence, actual tortures and murders" but gives no detail before he complains about witchcraft as though that's just as serious. I would like to hear more. What are they showing, how do the characters know it's real, and how is it allowed? I understand that sometimes a few background references are necessary to create depth in the worldbuilding, but this is too out of the blue to leave dangling.

We get another detail about the clinic Hattie's staying at - "apparently there's a lot of cloning and fetal tissue research going on." The authors would like to remind you that medical science is bad.

When Buck goes to get Hattie from the clinic and tries to figure out the false name she's using, he's shocked to find that she's given a Japanese name, or, as Buck's narration puts it, "using an ethnic alias." Ah yes, the two races, white and "ethnic." He's also shocked that an Asian woman is named Mary Johnson, even though he lives in America where anyone could have a name like that. What the hell, authors.

A fight scene reveals that Nicolae is officially trying to get Hattie killed. My ship is rusting away at the bottom of the ocean. :(

In Chapter 18, Rayford, who to my knowledge has never gone scuba diving before, goes scuba diving in the Tigris River to prove that his wife is NOT on a plane that crashed there during the earthquake. This is what we in the business like to call a "hare-brained scheme."

In Chapter 19, we get another scene with the two witnesses, who "warn enemies of the Messiah what is to come" but "do not use the Antichrist's name." It seems that, like Bruce and Tsion, they couldn't care less if any of their followers actually know who the Antichrist is.

Hattie reveals that Nicolae had Bruce poisoned a few books ago, which would have been nice to know had Bruce's death been at all mysterious in the first place. As it was, two books ago they figured he just died of a tropical disease and that was that. This reveal adds very little.

The reveal that Nicolae has also had Hattie poisoned has a bit more weight, but it also makes no sense. He sent people with guns to kill her - why would he need poison too? What kind of Rasputinian death did he have planned for her?

After an entire book of searching, in Chapter 20 Rayford finds Amanda dead at the bottom of a river. I toldja the authors just wanted to give Rayford another dead wife.

A hail of fire, blood, and ice comes down on the world per prophecy, and Rayford is reminded "that God is faithful." That's... not the attribute I would've had in mind for God at this point in the story, but okay.

At the very end of the book, the in-universe news tells us that a "comet" made of sulfur and the size of the Appalachian mountain range is on a collision course with Earth. Tsion tells us that, per the Bible, the impact will sink one-third of all ships and kill one-third of all marine life. If this sounds reasonable, you know nothing about impacts. Let's think - the Chixiclub impact, by an asteroid only ten kilometers wide, caused mass destruction on land and sea and sent massive amounts of debris into the atmosphere, blocking out the sun, kicking the food chain out from under the dinosaurs, and wiping out 75% of all species on Earth. An asteroid the size of a mountain range would break up at the Roche limit, sending Chixiclub-sized impacts raining down all across the globe. Anything that survived the initial impacts would have to contend with a blanket of gas and dust across the sky that would prevent photosynthesis worldwide. This would not wipe out one-third of sea life. This would wipe out all life on Earth. This book being what it is, however, the impact gets one paragraph, and then it's business as usual.

A page later and there's another asteroid coming, of similar size and slightly reduced density. This one breaks up like it realistically would, but rather than causing mass impact damage and wiping out all life on Earth for what should be a second time, its pieces merely poison a third of Earth's freshwater. That is, to put it simply, not what asteroids do.

If this book were a person I'd hit him over the head with a folding chair.

[bracketsoffear]

A Planet Named Shayol (Cordwainer Smith) "The protagonist, Mercer, who lives within the Empire, has been convicted of "a crime that has no name". He is condemned by the Empire to the planet Shayol, where he lives in a penal colony whose inhabitants must undergo grotesque physical mutations caused by tiny symbiotes called dromozoans. Most grow extra organs, which the Empire harvests for medical purposes. The bull-man B'dikkat administers the prisoners a drug called super-condamine that alleviates the pain of their punishment and various surgeries.

More than a century passes. Mercer has found a lover, named Lady Da. B'dikkat shows the couple a sight that horrifies him: children have been sent to Shayol -- alive, though with their brains removed. Lady Da knows how to contact the Lords of the Instrumentality so that they can intervene. When the Lords arrive on Shayol, they are shocked by what they find. Moreover, the children there are heirs to the throne. Apparently, the Imperium has become so bureaucratic and corrupt that it condemned them to prevent them from committing treason when they matured.

The Instrumentality voids permission to allow the Empire to exist and to maintain Shayol. They will free the prisoners who are still sentient and provide a cure for their suffering with a substitute for the super-condamine, namely an electronic "cap" which stimulates the brain's pleasure center. The mindless prisoners will be decapitated, their heads "taken away and killed as pleasantly as we can manage, probably by an overdosage of super-condamine", leaving the bodies to be used by the dromozoa."

Food of the Gods (Arthur C. Clarke) "In this imagined future, we have stopped killing animals for meat and started to grow tissue in vats instead (to help support our even-more-massive population). People actually retch at the thought of eating animal flesh, although the vast majority of the various manufactured foods replicate the characteristics of various meats exactly. Several companies manufacture the stuff and get into a competition about who can make the best. Eventually, one company makes one that apparently tastes delicious and is perfectly tailored to human needs, calling it "Ambrosia Plus". The competition goes before a Senate subcommittee to explain why this might be a problem: "Yes, Triplanitary's chemists have done a superb technical job. Now you have to resolve the moral and philosophical issues. When I began my evidence, I used the archaic word 'carnivore'. Now I must introduce you to another: I'll spell it out the first time: C-A-N-N-I-B-A-L …""

Excerpt from Romance of the Three Kingdoms (Luo Guanzhong) "Untitled, fictitious story in the larger work, meant to demonstrate Liu Bei's incredible character. He stops at the home of Liu An (a hunter, and one of his relatives). Liu An doesn't have enough meat to feed his lord and his retinue, to he kills, butchers, cooks and serves his own wife so that Liu Bei and company wouldn't be under-served. When Liu Bei finds out this he is shocked, but not outraged, at having been unknowingly fed human flesh. He is, instead, amazed at Liu An's devotion to hospitality (to the point of feeding his lord his own wife), and instead praises him as a model citizen. And this is a story the author inserted to make Liu Bei sound more virtuous and heroic than he was in actual history!"

[lubdubsworld]

Better Man.

              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC 

Rating 18 +

Angst. 

Implied Infidelity in the past. 

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 

Us. 

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 

I swallowed. 

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 

 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 

So we had done the wise thing. 

At first a break.

 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 

People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  

But, none of it mattered now. 

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 

He would be  my ex -husband. 

i hated that word. 

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 

 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

? 

It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 

In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 

 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 

And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 

 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 

 Whatever it was. 

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 

What a pity. 

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 

And that had stuck with me. 

Walk out the first time. 

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 

 And so I had. 

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn���t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this. 

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 

Of course, the customary hug. 

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 

“Okay .” I said casually. 

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 

That stupid nickname. 

God I couldn’t bear it. 

Swallowing i looked away. 

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 

I nodded curtly. 

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 

“Why not?” He whispered gently. 

I groaned. 

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 

“Shall we begin?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 

[fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan]

A Lie to Love - Nathan MacKinnon

This is for @antoineroussel Summer Fic Exchange. I had the wonderful @broadstbroskis!

I had so much fun writing this fic and reading everyone else's work, I love getting to see so many great writers sharing their work on this site. This is also one of the longest pieces I have written in a very long time, as I was writing this I had a million other fic ideas pop in my head so many those will get written some time soon.

***

I just sat down on my couch, just getting home from work when someone started knocking on my apartment door. I was hoping to ignore it and it would go away, unfortunately they kept knocking. I groaned as I got up, decided how much I was going to curse this person out. “What-” Right behind the door was Nate, giving me a nervous smile.

I had met Nate through his teammate Gabe, I babysat for Gabe and Melissa on a regular basis. Nate showed up one night that I was watching their daughter looking for advice from Melissa. I was able to help him then he hung out with me until Gabe and Melissa came home. Since then I could expect him to show up at my apartment at least once a week for dinner, and we were close friends after I had to save him from a laundry emergency that first night I met him.

“I’m so glad you’re home. I need a huge favor.” Leaving the door open I headed back towards my couch, I knew Nate would follow me and close the door behind him. Once I was sitting on the couch again Nate pulled my legs onto his lap.

“Last time you asked for a favor I ended up with the flu.” Which was true, he had asked me to help out at a learn to skate event that was outside in December. It had been a cold and foggy day, and two days later I was down for the count.

“I brought you soup! And tissues for we left for that road trip.”

“You brought me one box of tissues and two cans of tomato soup.” Nate raised an eyebrow like I had proven his point. I threw a pillow at his head before speaking again. “I’m allergic to tomatoes!”

“Oh, I’m an idiot. Sorry. But I still need a favor.” I really wanted to just say no, ask Nate to leave and go to sleep until I had to go into the office tomorrow. But I knew I was going to say yes before I even found out what he needed. “Please Ruth.”

“What is this favor?”

“I need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

“That was not what I was expecting you to say.” That got a small chuckle out of Nate but he also looked nervous. “Why do you need a fake girlfriend?” Nate was in a ‘single and loving it’ stage of life, he just wanted to play hockey and hang out with his teammates.

“An executive on the team has been talking up his daughter for like the last two years. I’ve been able to brush off the hints he has been throwing at me, luckily she doesn’t live here. Today he came up to me when I was heading out for the day, talking about how his daughter is coming into town and how we should get dinner together so I can get to know her. I thought I could brush it off as a one off dinner, say we there was no connection and then she would be gone. Easy, ya know?”

“Not really. But continue.”

“Apparently this isn’t just a visit for her, she is moving here. And going to work for the team on the social media team.”

“That must have ruined your plan.” Nate nodded and I knew I was going to agree to his crazy plan. “So how did all this lead to me needing to be your fake girlfriend?”

“I panicked and said I had a girlfriend.”

“And I’m the only girl you hang out with that isn’t related to you or in a relationship with a teammate.”

“You are also one of my best friends and the one person I trust every part of my life with. I know this is a lot to ask, I know this is bigger than asking you to help with a skating event. This is a change to every part of your life, and lying to a lot of people.”

“I’ll do it.” Nate’s jaw actually dropped like he couldn’t believe I was agreeing to do it. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”

“Thank you, thank you so much. I know this is a huge ask, I really do.”

“Before we talk about details, I need food and wine. Not necessarily in that order.” I ordered food and pulled out the biggest wine glass I had. As we waited for the food, we came up with a plan and story to tell everyone. We decided to stick with the cliche story of best friends who decided to fall for each other.

“Um, what about kissing? And other PDA?” Nate’s cheeks flushed as he asked the question and I knew it wasn’t from the wine. “I don’t want to do anything you are uncomfortable with.”

“Let’s just start with hand holding and that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.” Our food was delivered then, Nate going to the door and coming back with the bags of food.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it, you can think about it like this is our first date.” I nod and start eating once we decided on something to watch. This felt normal for us, eating take out and watching whatever hockey game Nate was able to find. After we finished eating Nate helped me clean everything up before he got ready to leave. I walked him to the door, hugging him tightly as he let out a sigh of relief. “I don’t think I will ever be able to repay you for doing this. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it Nate, I’ll always be there when you need me.” I closed the door behind him, hoping that I wouldn’t regret agreeing to fake date my best friend.

Nate’s pov

I had been ignoring my phone since I pulled into the parking lot at Ruth’s apartment building, knowing that asking Ruth to do this would make or break our friendship. When I left her apartment I was hopeful that this wouldn’t be the end of our friendship. But I also knew it was only going to make my feelings for her grow. I realized within a month of knowing Ruth that I had feelings for her, and I had almost told her a dozen times a year since then.

I checked my phone when I got home, I had four missed phone calls from my captain and nearly a dozen texts. I skipped over looking at all the messages and just called him. “Nate, why did I hear you say that you are dating someone? Mel has been questioning me since this afternoon because she heard you say to someone that you are in a relationship. She is pissed that I didn’t tell her about it. Which is hard to do considering I had no clue.”

Before I could answer I heard Mel’s voice. “MacKinnon, you better tell me who you are dating.”

“Uh, Ruth-” There was a loud squeal on the other end of the call and then I heard Landy trying to shush his wife.

“When were you going to tell us this?” Gabe asked after it got quiet. I wanted to tell them the truth, we had talked about it. We eventually decided that we wouldn’t tell them the truth because Gabe was the worst gossiper on the team.

“It’s only been about a month, we wanted to make sure this was going to work before we shared it with anyone. We wanted to wait even longer but one of the executives was trying to set me up with his daughter.”

“Alright. I guess that is enough information from now. We can always ask more questions at that fundraiser on Friday night.”

“Oh shit.” That caused Gabe to laugh at me.

“You didn’t tell her about that yet?”

“No, we weren’t going public yet so I figured that I would just go by myself. But I guess I need to tell her about that now and see if she is willing to come with me.”

“That is a big first outing, good luck with that buddy.” Gabe hung up and I knew that I needed to tell Ruth about Friday but when I left she had mentioned she was going to crash as soon as I left. I figured I should go to bed now and deal with everything tomorrow.

***

I was getting ready to knock on Ruth’s door when it flew open and Ruth was standing there looking shocked. “Nate! What are you doing here?” Her eyes then looked at the coffee cup I was holding, one that I had brought for her. “Oh, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You only ever bring me my favorite coffee order when you have bad news.”

“I-Landy reminded me last night that we have a black tie fundraiser on Friday night.”

“And now that our supposed relationship is public, you are expected to bring your girlfriend with you.”

“Yeah. I am sorry, I never meant to make your life this complicated.” Ruth took the coffee from me, taking a sip before locking her door.

“I know what I signed up for Nate. I need to get to work, walk with me to my car.” I followed her through the hall of her apartment, waiting for her to yell at me. “What is this fundraiser for? And what kind of dress do I need?”

“It’s for the children’s hospital. We do it every year, they book a huge ballroom and it’s a lot of rich people. The Avs don’t run this fundraiser but all the sports teams in town donate a bunch of stuff to them to auction off and the team likes us to go so the people are more willing to open their wallets.”

“And yet that doesn’t tell me what kind of dress I need, or what time this thing is. Or any of the other million things I need to know to get ready for this thing.”

“I’m not sure about any of this, every year I go by myself. I can have Mel call you?”

“That sounds good. I have to go now, I have a project that was assigned to me yesterday that is way behind schedule. So thank you for the coffee and I’ll see you later.” I watched as she got into her car and drove away.

Ruth’s pov

By the time lunch came around I was buried under a pile of work, I hoped that if I could work through lunch and stay a little late every day this week that I would be caught up by the end of the week so I could focus on the lie at this fundraiser. So when I saw that Melissa was calling me I knew my plan was about to be derailed. “Hey Melissa.”

“I am going to ignore the fact that you didn’t tell me about you and Nate. And I am also going to save all of my questions for later, Nate told me that you need a dress for Friday. I can be at your office in 10 minutes, we can go shopping during your lunch hour.”

“I am so behind on a project that was just given to me this morning and it was already so far behind because the guy who was incharge of it before me was an idiot. I don’t have time to take a lunch break this week.”

“But Nate gave me his card to buy your dress with.” I knew I would regret what I was about to say but I didn’t have another option.

“If I tell you what size I wear, can you just get me something?”

“Absolutely!”

“Thank you. As much fun as I think shopping with you would be, I just can’t leave right now.”

“I get it. Send me a text with your sizes and I’ll find you the perfect dress.”

“Because my brain is a mess right now, I wasn’t supposed to babysit on Friday right?”

“No, my parents are in town this week. They are watching the kids. There is no way you are getting out of this event.” A part of me was hoping that I would have that as an excuse to not go but with that option gone I started to mentally prepare myself for Friday night.

***

“Thank you for letting me get ready here.” I said to Nate as he let me into his house. “And thank you for letting me crash here tonight.”

“Of course, it makes more sense this way. I also have your dress, Mel wouldn’t let me look at it when she dropped it off on Tuesday. I figured you can use my room to get ready, it has more counter space for whatever you need.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bedroom and bathroom.”

“It’s not kicking me out when I volunteer to use the guest room. C’mon, let me carry your bag.”

“How long until we need to leave?”

“I have an Uber scheduled for 75 minutes from now.” I nod, knowing that I could make that work without having to rush too much. Once Nate headed into the guest room I started to unpack what I would need for now. Grabbing a towel before going to figure out the shower, which was far more high tech than anything I had ever seen in a shower before. I wrapped the towel around myself and went to find Nate. “Nate?! How do I work your futuristic shower?” I only stuck my head out in the hall to yell and luckily he heard me from the guest room he was in. A few seconds later he came out in only a loose pair of shorts, laughing at me. “Don’t laugh at me, your shower has a computer screen!” I opened the bedroom door so he could come in, watching his eyes widen when I saw I was only wearing a towel. As he came in to turn the shower on for me I took the time to look over him. When he turned to show me how to change the temperature and turn it off I knew he caught me checking him out. Nate was such a beautiful person, inside and out. I knew that fake dating Nate had the potential for my true feelings to come out and I was trying to convince myself that this wouldn’t end with the death of our friendship.

“Need anything else?”

“Nope.”

Nate’s pov

It took every ounce of willpower to not kiss Ruth when I saw her standing in my bedroom in just a towel, and then when I caught her checking me out I was really tempted to tell her the truth. I knew that this fake dating would just cause more pain for me but there was nothing I could do about that now. I took a colder shower than I had originally been planning to take but after that was done I got my suit on, just a dark grey suit so that hopefully I wouldn’t clash with whatever Ruth was wearing.

Just as I finished getting my shoes on there was a knock on my door. I opened it and was immediately speechless. The deep green dress looked amazing on her and I am pretty sure that my jaw was on the floor. As she moved in the dress I saw the large slit on the one side that showed a lot of her leg. “Can you zip my dress?”

“Y-yeah.” Ruth turned so her back was to me, pulling her hair to the side so I could tug up the zipper before whispering. “Perfect.”

“I should be ready in just a few minutes.”

“Yeah, I just need to come grab a tie. I wanted to wait until I saw what color your dress was.” Ruth nodded as we both heard into my bedroom, I headed straight for my closet and by the time I came out with my tie on Ruth was standing at the end of my bed smiling. “You look amazing.”

“You do too.” I walked over to Ruth, both of us looking at our reflection in the mirror. “We make a good looking couple.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” I froze after those words came out of my mouth, Ruth looking at me with wide eyes.

“O-okay, um, I’ll go grab my stuff and get out of your hair.” Ruth went to turn and walk away from me, but I gently turned her around so I could tell her the truth.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” I cupped Ruth’s cheek, locking eyes with her. “I have had feelings for you for so long. Probably since a month after I met you but I was scared to tell you. And then we became friends and I didn’t want to make things weird, so I kept it a secret. But I also fell for you more as we became closer friends. So I think a part of me decided to say I was dating someone because I want to be dating you. For real.” Ruth didn’t say anything, just took a step closer and pressed her lips to mine. “I, what just happened?”

“Everything you just told me, I feel the same way.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Now kiss me for real.” That I could do, I kissed Ruth like I had wanted to do for years. We only stopped kissing when a car horn sounded in my driveway. “I think I need to fix my lipstick.”

“I would say sorry but I’m not. I’ll go to the car if you want to fix your lipstick.” Ruth nodded, stepping back while smiling at me. “Just so you know, this isn’t our first date. I will be planning that for next week and it is going to knock your socks off.”

“As long as you are there, I can’t wait.” I kissed Ruth one more time before healing downstairs to tell the driver we were almost ready. I also couldn’t keep the smile off of my face, I couldn’t believe what started out as a panicked lie turned into a chance to date my best friend for real.

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

i only chose this because of you

jimmy novak character study for father’s day, 1.3k. read on ao3 here.

Everybody wants to be a father.

Oh, you don’t need children to be a father--you can parent a dream, you can foster hope, you can say a kind word to a lonely person.

There, you’re a father.

But Jimmy doesn’t believe this.

He’s unable to understand what his friends feel when they speak of marriage, of fatherhood, of new life in this world. He feels like something’s missing; is there something wrong with him, that prevents him from feeling this way, like he’s supposed to want all of these things?

When Jimmy meets Amelia, he doesn't love her immediately.

He likes her. A lot. But like is not love and so at first they are study partners, friends, each other’s ride homes. Then there are first kisses, first dates, and first fights. A first time, that they are both sure God will condemn.

But fire does not rain down upon them, and they live. Graduate. Marry. Buy a house.

He is not sure who he would have married if not her.

Because the others--no.

He has heard it enough at church, shouted from the pulpit. People like that will burn in the fire of hell.

Jimmy is safe with Amelia, and he is happy with Amelia.

But something is still missing.

------------------------------------

Two years later, Amelia gets pregnant.

For their families, it’s a great source of joy. A grandchild, a niece or nephew, someone to coddle and pin the Novak hopes and dreams onto.

It’s more complicated for them.

What their families do not know is the woe of many doctors appointments, of nurses’ worried expressions during sonograms, of medicine and praying and laying on of hands.

This child could die before they even get to meet her.

Jimmy’s relationship with God is tenuous--they used to be friends, Jimmy thinks, before people started telling him he was going to die in God’s name.

(If they did not know they were speaking to Jimmy--does that make it okay? No, he decides.)

But he needs something to believe in, so he prays anyways, and maybe God is listening at the time, because when their daughter is finally born, she is healthy. More importantly, she is alive, and that was all Jimmy had let himself hope for.

They name her Claire. It means bright and clear, and she is certainly a light in Jimmy’s life. He is beginning to understand those who want to be fathers--because there is no one more precious than Claire. The silence, the cavern inside of him, is deafening, but when he is with his daughter, in the late night hours in her nursery with a bottle, it feels a little bit fuller.

And Amelia is happy, with a child around.

So he has no choice but to smile.

------------------------------------

Amelia gets a job.

It’s at the library, and she loves it, wears cardigans and floral dresses and runs out the door, off to do something very important.

Jimmy sells ad time and he doesn’t love it at all. He feels lonely and like he’s not doing any good in the world by trying to get people to buy things. His God warns of overabundance, but Jimmy is empty most of the time. He lies awake at night, his wife asleep, Claire in the next room murmuring to her stuffed animals as she drifts into slumber.

Amelia’s job is less flexible than Jimmy’s, and so he begins to be the person who takes Claire everywhere. Dance recitals, soccer practice, school, friends’ houses...her car seat takes up permanent residence in the back of his car, the pockets of his trenchcoat filled with candy wrappers, tissues, rocks she found on the playground.

He learns how to dress her, and then how to argue with her about how he’s dressed her, how to plait her long, blonde curls. Claire is developing a personality--stubborn, funny, clever, curious.

Full of heart.

He loves her more each day, even as he slips away from this world, anchored only by her drawings from class on the fridge and her sparkly, light-up sneakers left right in front of the door.

Then the voice comes.

------------------------------------

The voice’s name is Castiel, and Castiel is an angel.

Jimmy hears Castiel only when he is alone--on the radio, in pictures on the television, or just in his head. Castiel tells him to do many things--prove your faith. Prove your strength. And Jimmy does them.

The things his pastors and fellow churchgoers have said must be done to prove one’s faith are far less painful than what Castiel asks of him. Castiel says there’s a task for Jimmy--that Jimmy is the only one who can do it. The hole inside him is starting to fill with echoes of the angel’s voice, night and day.

Claire notices nothing different--she still pulls him to her room to play with dolls, still shows him all her assignments from school. He puts her 100 on a math test on the fridge, stacks up her books for reading class. Bridge to Terabithia. Charlotte’s Web. The Westing Game. Kids sure talk a lot about death.

But Amelia notices, and she tells Jimmy’s doctor, but he doesn’t take the medicine.

Amelia thinks he’s slipping.

Jimmy thinks he’s better than ever.

When Castiel finally asks him if he can borrow Jimmy’s body and use it as a vessel, Jimmy only asks one question.

“Will my family be okay?”

Castiel promises yes.

So Jimmy replies in kind.

------------------------------------

For almost a year, Jimmy watches the world through the angel’s eyes. He hates and loves Castiel at the same time--for wearing his face, for wanting the Righteous Man, for saying to his daughter I am not your father.

He just hopes Claire is safe, like Castiel promised.

From inside his own skin he watches his hands smite and heal and hold and when he finally gets out and as himself meets the Winchesters, those for whom all this trouble was apparently worth, he vows never to go back.

It’s like being strapped to a comet, he tells them.

He gets to have dinner with Claire again.

Amelia is wary, and Jimmy understands. The angel has burned him, carved the hole wider instead of truly filling it, and Jimmy wonders: if this is an angel, what is God like? Where is He, if this is what is happening on His earth? Monsters and Lucifer and the apocalypse impending?

Jimmy cries over dinner, cannot pray. Not to God. Not to anyone. He is ready to return home, to hang up that trenchcoat--he is done traveling--and leave this behind. Leave saving the world to the Winchesters and their friends.

But instead a demon comes.

There is a scuffle, ropes and burning and Jimmy is nearly dead by the end of it all, delirious as his hair is smoothed back by his daughter, but it’s not his daughter.

“Your time is done,” the angel says.

Jimmy shakes his head. This can’t be how it ends--Claire doesn’t deserve to get her soul carved out, but Jimmy does, he’s already halfway there.

“Take me instead,” is what he says to the angel wearing his daughter’s face, but what he means is, let this not all be in vain. Let my last act be saving her. Let her live.

Castiel says Jimmy will die.

Jimmy says he knows this. He knows, deep inside, he was dead from the beginning. It just took some time to accept it.

The angel agrees to the deal, and Jimmy Novak is burned out from the inside, and is no more.

------------------------------------

Years later, in Heaven, a guest arrives, a woman who looks familiar, who has tears in her eyes, who rushes into his arms. His wife. Amelia. All he can ask is how is she? And Amelia tells him, she is beautiful. You would love her.

Jimmy does love her. That is why he did not watch her grow up.

[guiltysecretpasttime]

Linzin Week 2021 Day 4: Gaoling / Nobility

Note: Here is my contribution for Day 4: Gaoling / Nobility. I admit - this was a bit of a ramble, a ramble that I rather enjoyed as I tried to put into writing this plot bunny I had in mind. Hope you like it. (unedited as of posting time)

-----

Pairing: Lin/Tenzin

Rating: Teen

One shot, AU

You may also read this in AO3.

Lin scrabbled around the room, lifting objects and crouching under furniture. Apparently, searching for clothes appeared to be challenging if they were strewn haphazardly the night before.

Aha.

She crawled partially under the bed, taking care not to stay on the floor too long, to grab her shorts. Her top and underwear, meanwhile, she snatched from behind the lounge seat.

As she put on her underwear, she mused at how the past days went -her five days of independence in Ember Island.

It definitely was lovely, a nice escape from reality and the pressures of her life. She knew she had to make the most of it. It would not be long before the lackeys of her grandparents would find her.

Lin believed herself stealthy and crafty enough to escape Beifong manor undetected. She was proud to say that she did all that and managed to arrive at Ember Island without bribing anyone. She liked to think that she would have made a good criminal or detective if she were not born into the House of Beifong.

Poor Suyin. Her grandfather was sure to tighten security at home now. There was no way her younger sister would manage to have the same ‘liberties’ she had.

Lin snorted as she tied her hair up.

Not like there was a lot of freedom to begin with.

A groan came from the figure on the bed.

Lin hurried dressing up. It simply would not do to have to have that morning after conversation.

The man continued to slumber on, turning to his side, mouth open with a bit of drool at the corner of his lip.

She smiled at the view while she stuffed her other belongings into her satchel.

As much as she wanted for a repeat of the night before (and earlier that morning) and to run her fingers through his soft brown hair, the earthbender knew that her self-control would be tested. She was bound to end up not leaving at all. And that, she sighed at the memory of the pale wiry arms that were wrapped around her, would be catastrophic. There would have been no way for her to hide her identity if her family descends upon Ember Island.

After one final look, Lin Beifong slipped out of the hostel room of her technically three-night stand. She fled to the inn on the other side of the island to prepare for her trip back home.

It was unlike her to be reckless. But damn Agni, did she need this.

But, of course, her life being her life, her luck being her luck, little did she know that this act of rebelliousness would have its repercussions.

 ---

Tenzin bit his cheek to stop from furiously answering back. They were at the last leg of their diplomatic tour.

Tour.

He scoffed.

More like the Search.

As in the Search for a bride.

Correction – the Search for His Bride.

It was quite tedious, honestly. They have been at it for more than a year now. His father descended from the Air Nomads but this was amount of time on the road was ridiculous.

He did not mind travelling, honestly. He enjoyed it. The feel of the wind while using his glider or the sight of the clouds while on Oogi… In fact, the misguided yet hopeful part of him saw to it that he travelled at least monthly to Ember Island, in a bid to recreate the blissful memories of a past vacation (or rather, in a bid to try and meet the earthbender again, though he failed at spotting her every time).

On the other hand, travelling with his parents meant having a retinue composed of his father’s main advisory council and security. It was fine – for the most part. Accompanying his father during his diplomatic visits around the world was unique, educational and inspiring.

What he hated was that the advisors tended to barge in at all times of the day, leaving no respite for the family when they were on the road.

Right now, for example, Abbot Yuji was going on about the status of the Northern Air Temple.

His father is the Avatar and the one of two of the last airbenders so it was expected that this was well within the territory.

What was grating was how Abbot Yuji started to describe the temple and the lovely female air acolytes that populated it.

Having an acolyte from your Air Temple married off to the family of the Avatar? Outstanding. Having an acolyte from your Air Temple married to the only single airbender? Priceless.

He was getting frustrated at the blatant -.

“Stop frowning, Tenzin.” His mother whispered to him, leaning at his side. “You know Bumi underwent the same thing.”

Oho but no, Bumi did not.

The thought made Tenzin frown deeper.

 Avatar Aang and Master Katara’s eldest son had gone ahead years ago and caused a scandal when he eloped in the Fire Nation capital. It was a love match.

Even Kya, the most free-spirited of the siblings, had discarded tradition, gotten engaged them wed to an air acolyte. It was also a love match.

Tenzin wanted the same, except, since apparently he was the only one left of his family bloodline to take over his father’s position in the Air Nation, it was close to impossible to form any lasting romantic entanglements.

There was a lot to take up, to get heavily involved in the Air Nation. To be fair, all of the children of the previously last airbender were equally exposed and poised to lead as part of their birthright. However, Bumi went on to be the consort of the Crown Princess of the Fire Nation. Then, just a few years ago, Kya agreed and, together with her wife, settled in the Southern Water Tribe to take up the mantle as the chosen heir of the late Chief, their Uncle Sokka.

That left him – Tenzin, the airbender.

The master airbender, his father would proudly introduce him – all shaved and tattooed. Despite the ceremony being a few months old, it all still felt fresh to him. It certainly felt odd to him to be shaven and so Tenzin had taken it upon himself to grow out a beard.

Anyone who would marry him would be part of the most powerful dynasties to date. His currently unmarried state was not due to the lack of prospects. And yet for some reason, his parents still saw it fit to keep going back to Gaoling.

Gaoling – which was the only city-state in the entire Earth Kingdom that had their nobles shun the Avatar and his family when they dropped by to visit last year.

Gaoling – where, coincidentally, was where they were a few miles in.

“Why do we keep going back here?” Tenzin turned to his mother once his father made his routine exit of the satomobile. Aang would usually leave the vehicle and go ahead of the convoy, using his glider to reach their destination earlier. “They don’t seem interested in meeting up with us anyway.” He was referring to the highborn family of the area.

Katara paused in the knitting she was working on. “Your father was almost betrothed to their daughter.”

This information took Tenzin aback. They all grew up hearing their parents’ epic love story. This was mainly why they had wanted the same for themselves. So, to hear that it was almost a different story was surprising.

Tenzin shook his head. “What happened?” He eyed the gates with the winged boar insignia the loomed nearer.

“Your father was going around at that time, seeking for support to campaign against the tyranny of the Fire Lord.” His mother tucked her yarn and work in progress in a weathered pouch. “It did not help his case that he had abandoned his role for years on, resulting in the Air Nomads being wiped out. There was a bit of bargaining and one of the conditions of Lao Beifong was to have the Beifong heiress wed Aang.”

Tenzin vaguely noted that the rest of their convoy turned left to the town proper while only their vehicle urged on forward.

The gong sounded from outside of the satomobile, announcing their arrival at the large ominous gate of Beifong estate.

“And then?” Tenzin prodded urgently as the gates opened and the satomobile crept slowly into the grounds of the Beifong family.

“Aang was weighing his options then when the younger Lady Beifong refused adamantly. We were turned away that same moment from the estate. In an unexpected turn of events, Toph Beifong saw it fit to defy her family and joined us. She became your father’s earthbending teacher.”

Tenzin’s eyebrows raised.

He had grown up to tales of his father’s bending masters. Only the blind earthbending master Toph, who became the world’s first metalbender, remained a bit of a mystery to him. For one thing, aside from the Monk Gyatso, he never met her. He only learned now that she has a surname.

There was a sense of anticipation now.

Maybe they will get to meet her in a few minutes?

Tenzin looked out the window. They were now parking in front of what looked to be a sprawling mansion. They have certainly made it further than they did in the last non-visit, where the guards did not even open the gates for them.

The metalbender was the stuff of legend. After having established a metalbending academy, Tenzin can find no trace of what happened to Toph Beifong.

So much was his anticipation that Tenzin did not notice the somber expression of his mother.

 ---

Lin sat in front of the dresser in her bedroom, silently watching as her grandmother’s maid finished tucking her thick black hair into a bun and placing the last strand of beads coiled around it. After ascertaining that she did not need any further help, the maid made herself scarce, stating she will be back once Lady Beifong called for Lady Lin’s attendance.

Lin blinked once at her reflection on the dresser mirror.

Twice.

She did not feel like herself.

She tilted her head.

She did not look like herself either.

If she were to be honest, the last time she truly felt like herself was the reprieve she had during her stolen time in Ember Island.

Breathing deeply, she reached for a tissue. Methodically, the young woman wiped off one side of her face, then the other.

She blinked again as the angry red marks on her cheek became visible.

 ---

A touch of his wife on his arm and Avatar Aang knew what she was asking.

It was unusual for none of the Beifongs to be standing in attendance to welcome their visitors.

Aang tucked his wife’s arm into his and patted it. He nodded to his son to follow.

Various household staff bowed to them as Aang led them deeper into the manor. Tenzin looked around curiously, keeping himself within hearing distance of his parents.

“Lord Beifong is in bad shape; he has been since the fire that broke out in the estate last year.” Aang finally shared.

Katara gasped in dismay, gripping Aang’s arm tightly. “And Lady Beifong?”

“She’s doing the best she could. She is…coping.”

“And their grandchildren?”

Aang shrugged weakly, stating he had not seen the grandchildren of the Beifongs yet.

“Is this why they are now considering the proposal…?” Katara trailed off, tossing a quick glance at their son who was seemed to be preoccupied by the framed portraits they were passing.

The Avatar nodded. “I had hoped it would be a joyous occasion, but this is what we’re dealt with.”

 ---

Tenzin clutched the warm teacup, looking into the dark tea in contemplation with what he had learned so far.

He sat at his parents’ side at the formal tearoom of the Beifongs, a silent participant and observer. Across them, Lady Poppy Beifong sat demurely, seemingly fragile and with the graceful bearing of someone born into the nobility. The airbender found it hard to believe that this woman gave birth to his father’s tough earthbending master.

Pleasantries were exchanged at the beginning and a stream of maids served them tea and an assortment of light snacks. His father shared about the different festivals across the nations that they had attended recently while his mother told stories about the flora they encountered during their trips. Even he was called upon to talk about the developments across the reconstruction of the Air Temples. Lady Beifong calmly spoke about the renovations in their estate, to revive the areas that the fire had touched.

After some obscure statements that were traded among the other people in the room, Tenzin was struck by the realization.

Toph Beifong was dead.

For how long – Tenzin tried to recall of portraits in the hallway – it must have been a long time ago as all of the portraits and photographs were quite dated.

Oddly enough, grandchildren (Toph’s children?) were mentioned and yet there were no photographs of them.

 ---

Lin tapped her fingers somewhat nervously on the armrests. She tried to get engrossed in the book she was reading, but her mind was not into it.

A few rooms down, her future was being decided, so much for being a young woman of independent means.

 As expected, upon her return from Ember Island, Lin received the scolding of her life. Never mind that she was already in the twenties – running off on her own was unbecoming of a Beifong Lady.

Words were said. Lord Lao Beifong’s word was final and his granddaughter had no other recourse but to continue to submit to the duties of the Beifong heiress. The families that depended on their lands for a living were part of her responsibility. Both the Beifongs and their staff flourished under Lin’s attention. Lao was pleased with the profitability of their produce and in turn, with Lin. At least, until it became a Problem.

Once it became apparent, Lord and Lady Beifong cut down the number of their staff and security, locking once again the Beifong gates, unwelcome to any visitors. It was during this period when the Avatar and family had passed by for a diplomatic visit the year prior.

It was also in this situation, a few months later, did fire strike in the household. With the limited staff, it took a long time to get the fire under control. By then, her grandfather, who had been at the indoor arboretum at the time, had inhaled much of the smoke.

Lin and her sister had sought to pry open the gates of the arboretum that had gotten tighter during the fire. In a miscalculated move, metal shrapnel that Suyin fashioned out of her practice cables flew from her grasp and hit Lin as they both struggled to release their grandfather. Despite the blood dripping to her chin and Suyin’s teary apologies, Lin did not pause and endured the pain while working on metalbending the gates open.

They did succeed though Lord Beifong was not the same presence as he used to be.

Once assured that her grandfather would live, Lin endured one of the longest nights of her life.

 Since then, changes as to how the household was run were made. Since then, Lin took it upon herself to manage the estate as penance. After all, if it were not for her situation, her reckless behavior, there would have been adequate support in the estate to prevent the fire from spreading.

Bringing herself back to the present, Lin stopped her woolgathering as the knock on the door signaled that her presence was wanted by her grandmother and her visitors.

With one last look, Lady Lin stood to meet with her prospective in-laws.

 ---

Tenzin waited in tense silence with his parents.

He knew the drill – they had done this song and dance numerous times with other noble families around the different nations. Discussions about potential courtships between him and the daughter, eliciting information about familial expectations and loyalties… Nonetheless, not a single marital agreement came about.

One word from him and his parents would cease and back off from the negotiation or pursuing the potential bride.

Today, however, sitting in the opulent tearoom in the Earth Kingdom while waiting for Lady Beifong and her granddaughter, felt different. There was something in the air, a history that seemed to tie the two families. Or at least, the Avatar and his earthbending master (who, Tenzin learned had quietly passed during the birth of her second daughter).

Click-click-clack-click-click-clack.

Lady Beifong’s shoes echoed at the corridor, followed by a softer set of steps.

The door slid open.

 ---

Lin kept her head bowed as she greeted the family of the Avatar.

A Beifong lady keeps her eyes averted. So, she did.

A Beifong lady keeps silent until spoken to. So, she did.

She sat down beside her grandmother, hands crossed on her lap, vaguely paying attention to the discussion.

That was why she was surprised to feel a cool hand touching her scarred cheek.

 ---

“…Introduce you to my granddaughter.”

 Everything paused for Tenzin when Lady Beifong stepped aside to present the younger Lady Beifong.

 He caught sight of her face.

Her eyes. He will never forget those eyes.

 He went through the motions next, his body on autopilot as his mind brought up memories he frequently revisited.

 Those eyes which crinkled in laughter when he dropped her in the sea.

Those eyes whose pupils dilated in the dark as he gripped her thighs high.

Those eyes which rested on his without judgment while he whispered his fears of not being a good enough bender for his parents.

 Lin now sat before him, where he now found it easy to observe her.

Her face – her porcelain skin was slashed --- who could have done this, what could have happened?

He was barely aware of what he was doing, he reached out gingerly to touch –.

SLAP!

Lin looked at him aghast.

His parents and her grandmother faced them in alarm.

Lin stood up. “Excuse me, everyone, grandmother, may I be excused?” Without waiting for a response, she bowed and rapidly made her way out of the room.

“I-I-I,” Tenzin stammered, dazed. “I apologize I don’t know what came over me.” He motioned to follow. “I need to find Lin.” He bowed and went out as well.

 ---

It took them a few more minutes to recover from what happened.

And it took them several more to realize that they never did mention yet Lin’s name to Tenzin.

 ---

“Wait, Lin – I’m sorry – wait!” Tenzin managed to grab her arm when she turned at the end of the corridor.

Lin shrugged him off. “How dare you!” She gritted out, each word hard with controlled anger. “Just because I look like this,” She waved a hand in the direction of her scarred cheek. “I don’t fit the mold of the perfect debutant your parents might wish for you – you don’t have the right to -!”

“Lin, I’m sorry – and it’s… it’s me!” He placed his hand on his chest. “Tenzin, from the beach.”

“No, you’re not.” Lin stared at him.

“I’m Tenzin – from Ember Island, don’t you remember me?” He plodded on, almost desperately. Didn’t their encounter mean anything to her like it did for him?

“No, you’re not him.” Lin shook her head frantically. “Were you hired by grandmother? Suyin? This isn’t a funny joke.” Her voice rose a pitch with each sentence.

What.

Then it clicked.

Damn – his hair.

Maybe Bumi was right – his personality came with his hair.

“No, Lin, it really is me – I – I’m a master bender now.” He raised his hands up, showing the tips of the tattooed arrows.

 ---

Lin took a step back, finally taking in the man who was her potential betrothed.

It couldn’t be…could it?

He did sound and look like the Tenzin she met last year…

Then it clicked that it was him.

How could she not have recognized him when she had retreated to thinking about their time in Ember Island as an escape…

 “Excuse me, Lady Lin? It’s his feeding time.”

Lin froze, almost regretting her instruction to the governess that she could interrupt whatever Lin was doing at any time. She swallowed thickly, ignoring Tenzin’s dumbfounded expression and plastered a smile on her face.

She turned to the governess who had been looking for her and reached out her arms to take the precious bundle for her.

“Hello, dear, are you hungry now?” Lin Beifong nuzzled the baby in her arms.

 ---

Footsteps clattered nearer to where they stood.

Lady Beifong, Master Katara and Avatar Aang came to a halt as they rounded the corner.

Lin, Tenzin and even the baby turned to face the new arrivals.

Tenzin leaned forward, gravitating towards the child, who blinked back at him with bright grey eyes.

“Sweetie,” Katara started cautiously. “Not to be anything but – don’t forget about propriety, don’t act too...familiar with them.” Her eyes darted towards the Beifongs and their staff, likely worried that any action might be turned against him and he would not escape the situation unscathed.

“I think I’ve done more than enough to be familiar with Lin, mother.” The airbender tickled the nose of the child, to the outraged gasp of Lady Beifong and the widened eyes of his mother.

“Ah-CHWOOOOSH!”

Silence fell on the group.

The baby giggled as he rubbed his nose.

Lin and Tenzin shared a look of awe.

 Of all their trips to Gaoling, Avatar Aang could claim that this was his favorite.

The day he met his airbending grandson.

 ---

Avatar Aang and Master Katara’s children all grew up hearing their parents’ epic love story. This was mainly why they had wanted the same for themselves.

The eldest, Bumi eloped with his childhood sweetheart, the Fire Nation’s Crown Princess Izumi. It was a love match.

Their only daughter Kya married her air acolyte wife in a simple Southern Water Tribe ceremony. It was also a love match.

Their youngest child, Tenzin wed the mother of his child, Lady Lin Beifong of Gaoling. It was, as everyone concluded, also a love match.

-------------

Note: And that's the end~. Love it or hate it - let me know!

[kim-seungmine]

dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could’ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it. 

[marinaaniseed]

Ribbons and leaves

Song: Ribbons and leaves from the album Happiness in magazine by Graham Coxon.

Summary: Bucky finds you after 80 years.

Pairing: Female reader x Bucky Barnes

Length: 1,984 words

Warnings: Some old fashioned attitudes to sex and sexuality, traumatic events in Bucky’s past (including at the hands of HYDRA) and I guess spoilers if you’ve not seen the Captain America films. This one might hurt.

A/N: This was written for @lancsnerd‘s #Lancsnerd1kchallenge. So happy for you, you deserve every follower! I’ve combined it with a songshot, so for clarity, stuff in bold are the lyrics, stuff that’s underlined is my prompt, anything sans formatting is just me. I made myself cry while writing this, so be warned again, this one might hurt. See here for what this is all about.

***

In an old house, in an old street, Bucky finds you. You’re old too, of course, exactly as he should be.

Sitting in front of the TV, your son lets Bucky in. James, he said his name was. A good name, Bucky thinks, even if he hates it when people call him that.

Bucky’s surprised by the lack of surprise when he appears on your doorstep, like somehow your son was expecting him. He supposes that you told James about him, after the world found out that Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier were one and the same.

Tea is brought through on a tray, and James excuses himself, leaving the two of you to talk.

“Took you long enough to find me,” you tell him, turning the TV off and turning to look at him. Time and circumstances have weathered him a little, but essentially he’s still the same man you said goodbye to, back in the 1940s.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky mumbles, because he is. But he’s glad you’re still alive, that he’s found you before it’s too late.

“You’re here now. Better late than never,” you observe. “Got your old cap and tobacco tin, you can finally have them back.”

He’d forgotten about those. It hurts his heart to hear how you kept those things, that you never forgot him, even though he was forced to forget you. It seems you never quite moved on, despite the photos that line the walls.

“I see you have a beautiful family,” Bucky says, looking around the room. He can’t see your husband in any, just two children at various ages, and eventually grandchildren and even great-grandchildren too.

“So do you,” you say softly.

“No, I never settled down,” Bucky notes. But if he had, he would’ve liked it to have been you.

“James, who you met, is named after his father. He and his sister were born eight months after I last saw you,” you state, not sure what else to say.

You can pinpoint the exact moment that it finally dawns on Bucky. His eyes go wide, skin goes deathly pale, and he opens and shuts his mouth several times, failing to make any noises.

“I have a son? And a daughter? Do they know? Did James know?” he eventually stutters.

“They’ve always known, I never hid from them who their father was,” you tell Bucky. “James has my late husband’s surname, but he always knew you were his father.”

“That’s why he wasn’t surprised to see me,” Bucky surmises, kicking himself for not finding you sooner.

“Correct. When I found out, I wrote to you. My letters went unanswered and I got in contact with your sister, trying to find out what was wrong. How we prayed for you to come on home. Eventually, we got the news that you’d fallen to your death,” you explain.

Bucky shudders at the memory. In a lot of ways, it would’ve been better if he had died that day, instead of enduring what HYDRA put him through.

“My soldier, my dead prince. You can understand the predicament I was in. An unwed mother to be. Marriage was the solution for me and for my husband. He was a queer fella, a friend, needed a wife so that the navy didn’t find out what he really liked. A practical solution for all,” you note. “He died in Europe, too, but at least I got to play the part of the honourable widow, with two young children, instead of the stigma of having two bastards.”

That explained why your husband was missing from all of the photos.

“And you never remarried?” Bucky asks. He imagines how he feels right now is comparable to the shock Steve must’ve felt when he realised that Bucky was still alive.

“Never,” you note. “I married for practical reasons, the only way I’d do it again was for love, and the man I love was gone.”

It doesn’t escape Bucky’s notice that you said love, not loved. He moves to sit next to you, taking your hands in his. So small and delicate in comparison.

“I love you,” he says, blinking back tears. “I’m sorry you lived all of this without me. I’m sorry you never knew that I was still alive.”

“It’s ok, you’re here now,” you tell him, handing him a tissue from the box on the table. “You’re here now, it’s not too late. Everyone will be so excited to meet you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, doll. I’m the thing that monsters have nightmares about. Or I was,” Bucky says, gnawing on his lip. “I don’t want to intrude into your lives or cause any bother.”

There’s a soft knock on the door, and James enters, a tiny sleeping baby in his arms.

You give him a smile and a nod to let him know that it’s ok, that Bucky knows.

“So, uh, dad,” James starts softly with a smile, so like Bucky’s own that he can see that this is definitely his son. Tears start rolling down Bucky’s face, moistening his facial hair. He never thought anyone would call him dad, and now here is this man, who looks old enough to be his father, calling him dad.

“Since you never got to hold any of us when we were small, I wondered if you wanted to hold Samantha? She’s my first granddaughter. We brought her round to see mum today,” James says, stepping towards them with the baby.

It’s all too much. Bucky’s heart shatters at the thought of all that he’s missed. His own son is here, in the twilight of his life, and Bucky’s missed it all. He sobs softly and you put your arm around him. James sits down on the other side of him, holding the still sleeping baby.

“Are you sure?” Bucky asks, voice breaking. “Are you sure you trust me? You know what I’ve done.”

“Of course I trust you, you’re my dad,” James observes, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Even when we found out about the Winter Soldier, about you, mum never believed it was really you doing those things.”

“The man I knew wouldn’t, couldn’t do those things,” you tell Bucky. “They took the gentlest man in the world and turned him into a machine. I’m glad they couldn’t erase all of you.”

One day, maybe, he’ll sit down and tell you, tell James, everything that happened, everything he can remember. It’ll take time, because there’s so much he needs to know, so much he wants to catch up on and understand.

Carefully, James places the baby in Bucky’s arms. Her hair is so dark and chocolatey, just like his. She stirs slowly, but doesn’t cry, blinking open big eyes. They’re the same shade as yours. Even so many generations down the line, parts of you and parts of Bucky are still evident. Samantha tries to focus on Bucky and her mouth forms a small smile. Bucky smiles back, trying not to cry again.

It’s been so long since he held a baby, probably not since his sister.

“Did you ever meet my sister?” Bucky asks James.

“Aunt Beccy was the only real family we had,” James answers. “Albert’s family, mum’s husband’s family, lost touch with us after he died. Moved away to Hawaii. We didn’t have any cousins, so Beccy treated us like her own. I’m sorry she died without knowing you were alive.”

“It’s ok, it’s better that she didn’t know what I did,” Bucky insists.

A tiny hand grips his vibranium thumb. Something so beautiful, tiny, and innocent, unwittingly grasping a weapon.

No, that’s wrong. He’s not a weapon anymore, he’s not the Asset.

Bucky’s so lost, staring at his smiling great-granddaughter that he doesn’t notice more people have joined them.

A small boy, probably just around school age, stops in front of you.

“Happy birthday, grandnan,” he says cheerfully to you, holding out a handmade card covered in glitter and stickers.

“Thank you, Tristan,” you tell him with a smile. “Is this why I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen until you were done?”

The boy nods, hair flopping forwards. While your hair is white now, the colour Bucky remembers lives on with this small boy.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry,” Bucky mumbles, cheeks heating up. “I completely forgot it was your birthday.”

“I’d prefer to forget it,” you reassure him. “But apparently, when you get to our kind of age, every birthday is a big one. Does that mean I’m older than you now?”

“You’ll always be my baby girl,” he says. “Looks can be deceiving, but you can’t change facts.”

“Do you know who this is?” you ask Tristan, gesturing towards Bucky.

He looks between you, James, and Bucky, trying to make the connection.

“Granddad's dad?” he ventures.

“Yeah, that’s right honey bun. Granddad's dad,” you explain.

“Why isn’t he old like you and granddad?” he asks, and Bucky’s glad when he hears you laugh, even though James tries to tell him that’s not a polite question.

“You remember at school when you learned about Captain America? Something similar happened,” you answer, to Bucky’s relief. That’s not a story he wants to tell a small child.

“You were frozen?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says, because that’s not exactly a lie.

“Why is your arm made of metal?”

James tries to shush him again, but Bucky understands. The kid is curious. He would’ve been exactly the same at that age.

“I lost it in an accident,” Bucky says. “I can take it off if it’s scaring you.”

“You can take off your arm? That’s so cool, I wanna see!”

“Sorry about that,” a man with a moustache says, trying to steer the kid away. “He doesn’t quite understand that some questions are impolite.”

“I don’t mind,” Bucky reassures him. “I’d have a lot of questions if I was him.”

The kid could be standing on his balls and he’d still be over the moon.

“This is my son Michael and his wife Jessica,” James tells Bucky. “You already know, but this is my dad, James.”

“Bucky,” he says instinctively.

“Nice to meet you,” Bucky’s grandson and wife say in unison.

“Thank you for letting me hold your daughter,” he says, handing Samantha back to her wary mother.

Your hand strokes Bucky’s hair. It’s even softer than you remember it being. A shiver runs up his spine as he recalls that last night you spent together, how you’d stroked his hair then.

As soon as there’s space, Tristan clambers into Bucky’s lap, determined to monopolise the attention of this strange man with a metal arm.

“Metal granddad,” Tristan tells him, making Bucky laugh.

“Sure, you can call me that. Or you can call me Bucky,” he says, not really sure what the kid should call him. He’s still getting his head around James calling him dad.

Tristan tries to hug him in his tiny arms, face buried into Bucky’s chest.

“I love you, metal granddad,” he says.

“I love you too,” Bucky replies. It’s been decades since he’s heard those words said to him.

But now he sits surrounded by a small portion of his family, a family he never knew he had. Bucky’s overwhelmed by all these faces, so happy to see him at last. Now that he’s taken this first small step, he can’t wait to meet the others.

Even when he didn’t know who he was, he was loved.

“Mum never stopped loving you, none of us did,” James mumbles next to him, as if he can hear Bucky’s thoughts.

“I can see that,” he says with a smile, still cuddling Tristan.

“I guess you didn’t either,” James continues, “because you finally found us.”

If the monsters could see him now, they wouldn’t have nightmares about him. It’s a thought that makes Bucky very glad indeed.

[bssaz97]

I have to ask how did Qrow and Juanes family react to the kids in Missing for a Year

Missing For A Year Part 3

Ruby: “Miss Goodwitch, thank you so much!” *Large Anime Tears fall down her face*

Glynda: “You’re welcome Miss Rose, although I do recommend keeping a closer watch of your children while at events in the future.”

Both Ruby and Jaune nodded rapidly to her sound advice, who will make sure to take the advice to heart.

Ruby/Jaune: “We promise we will!”

Glynda: “Good. Now.” *lifts up her riding crop directly at the ice block*

*CRACK!*

The ice prison around the two newlyweds had been broken apart, freeing them so that the two can freely move again. Much to the joy of the two leaders and displeasure of a disgruntled ice queen.

Qrow: *approaching* “Well I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Does it kiddo.”

Ruby: “Uncle Qrow!” *petal bursts out of the ice cube and launches herself at him*

Qrow: “Oof!” *catches her while laughing* “Geez pipsqueak! I’m not as young as I use to be, you could be a little gentler...”

Ruby: “Sorry I’m just so excited to see you again!”

Qrow: *hugs her tightly* “Yeah me too.”

Ruby: “I’m sorry it took so long.” *hangs head in shame*

Qrow: “Hey none of that alright. What’s happened has happened, no use in crying over spilled milk. Just seeing that you’re alive and well is all I need.”

Ruby: “You too. I know we’ve been gone for awhile but we missed you all so very much and I wished we could’ve come back sooner to you all.”

Qrow: “Well maybe remember to stamp your letters next time.” *he jokes*

Ruby: “It was a honest mistake!”

Qrow: *laughs and ruffles her hair* “Whatever you say kiddo.”

Ruby: “Meanie...to think I almost named one of my children after you.”

Qrow: “Probably a good call that you didn’t. Don’t need to have a kid named after me until I’m at least in the grave.”

Ruby: “Oh ha-ha.”

Jaune finished swiping of all the ice residue on his person then rubs his hands together rapidly to warm them up. Being trapped in a large ice cube wasn’t very comfortable in the least. His mother helps her son by removing her scarf and wrapping it around his hands.

June: “Are you alright sweetie?”

Jaune: “Yeah just a bit frosty.”

Yang: “...Did he?”

Taiyang: “I think he just did.”

Jaune: “What? I can make puns too. You all didn’t originate them.”

Taiyang: “Ok fair enough.”

Jaune: “Oh yeah by the way...are we cool?” *gestures between himself and his father-in-law*

Taiyang: “Well considering that you pretty much married my daughter behind our family’s back, I should be furious. But since you’ve already made me a grandfather I can’t really stay mad at you.”

Jaune: “Really?”

Taiyang: “No.”

Jaune: “Figured.”

Taiyang: *laughs* “Relax kid, I’m just messing with you. Glad to have you in the family.”

Jaune: “Thanks.” *smiles*

June: “Speaking of grandchildren...YOINK!” *takes an infant Rowan/Summer from Taiyang and Yang*

Taiyang/Yang: “Hey!”

June: “Hello my little darlings~ I’m so happy to meet you two. Look at how big you two are already. I’m your Granny June and I love you both so much! Oh you’re both so cute~” *she coos as she cradled the two infants rocking them to and fro*

Jaune: “Uh mom, I know you’re excited about your new grandchildren but you should really-.”

June: “Oh come now Jaune I’ve raised eight kids including you so I think have this under-!”

Summer: *gurgling noises with her face turning green*

June: “...oh no.” *face paled*

*BLEEEGH!*

What Jaune tried to warn his mother about was that Summer was unfortunately cursed with his inherited motion sickness. As such Summer did not like to be rocked otherwise it would lead to her spit up all over said person’s shirt.

June: “....oh dear.” *looks down at her ruined dress*

Ruby: *gasp!* “Mrs. Arc I’m so sorry!” *grabs a tissue and tries to clean it off*

Jaune: “I tried to warn you.”

June: “That’s ok, this isn’t something I haven’t gone through before. Although I would be more than grateful if you could take back these two while I get cleaned up.” *handing their babies back to them*

Ruby: “Are you sure you don’t want me to help? I feel really bad.”

June: “It’s alright dear. I’ve raised eight children after all, so there’s nothing to worry about. Jaune, be a dear and introduce your children to the rest of the family before your sisters complain about not seeing their new niece and nephew, ok?”

Jaune: “Sure.”

As June Arc was making her leave most, of not all of Jaune’s sisters swarmed them just as she said they would.

Rouge: “Oh my goodness look at you two!”

Saphron: “You’re so small and look so cute!”

Vert: “What’s their names little bro?”

Jaune: “Uh, This is Rowan and Summer.” *points at each of his children*

Bleu: “Do they have all their necessary shots?” *adjusts her glasses*

Jaune: “What? No, they’re barely three months old!”

Noir: “Why didn’t you tell us you two eloped?”

Blanc: “And how did you get pregnant so fast?”

Ruby: “W-Well we wanted to marry after the war so that’s what we did.”

Violet: “How can you tell which is a boy and girl?”

Arc Siblings/Ruby: .....

Violet: “What? It’s a legitimate question.” *shrinks in embarrassment*

Nicholas: “Girls.”

At the sound of his voice all the Arc women made way for the patriarch of their family. He walked towards the brand new couple/parents, his towering figure nearly encompassing them in shadow.

Nicholas: “Son.”

Jaune: “Hey Dad...long time no see. Heh”

Arc Sisters: *winces*

Terra: *facepalms*

Ruby: *whispering* “Really?”

Jaune: “Uhhh. So! ...How are you?”

Saphron: *mouthing ‘NO!’*

Jaune: “I mean. What I mean to say is-!”

Nicholas: “Stop.” *raises his palm*

Jaune: 0x0

Nicholas: “What’s done is done. There’s no use to bringing up the past.”

Jaune: “Right...”

Nicholas: “But I am very happy to see you alive.....and apparently with a wife and children.” *rests his raised hand on Jaune’s shoulder*

Jaune: “...Thanks Dad.”

Nicholas: *nods then removes his hand* “So if I heard correctly, this one is Rowan and this one is Summer right?” *gestures to the two infants*

Ruby: “Yessir. My tiny little blessings.”

Nicholas: “...heh. I see you’ve adopted June’s nicknaming habit.”

Ruby: “Yep.”

Nicholas: “Mm. Looks like you have a keeper my son.”

Jaune: “I’m lucky to have her.” *one arm hugged Ruby*

Ruby: *smiles*

Nicholas: “Good. Don’t do anything stupid to mess it up. You hear me boy.”

Jaune: “Wouldn’t dream of it sir.”

Rowan/Summer: “Ahh!” *make curious baby noises*

Nicholas looks down to see both Rowan and Summer then bends his knees, lowering his large frame to look into the little ones. They looked at the older Arc curiously, looking at his aged but still strong facial features and Summer was brave enough to reach out touch the older man’s beard. This caused Summer to giggle as the hair tickled her tiny fingers, causing Nicholas to laugh softly at the child’s pure laughter. Rowan followed soon after Summer and he giggled as well once he felt Nicholas’ beard.

Nicholas: “Hello little ones, I am your grandpa. I am pleased to meet you.” *he said with what could be called a genuine smile*

Ruby: “ohhhh” *she watches the display in amazement* <3

Qrow: “WOW Nicky, I think you just made a genuine smile on your face.”

Nicholas: “Qrow...”

Qrow: “Hey don’t scare the babies now! They’re impressionable.” *while smirking*

Ruby: “Qrow be nice.” *she chides her honorary uncle/mentor*

Qrow: *raises his hands in mock surrender*

Ruby: “Hey Rowan, look this my Uncle Qrow. Isn’t he cool?”

Rowan: *head tilts* “Ah?”

Ruby: “Yes he’s the coolest uncle ever. You want him to hold you?”

Qrow: “Uh Ruby I don’t-.”

Ruby: “Here you go.” *moves Rowan into his arms*

Qrow: “Wait Ruby don’t-! Ok here we go. Uh hey there kid. Nice to...meet you.”

Rowan: ....

Ruby: “It’s ok Qrow, he’s only a baby. He won’t bite.”

Qrow: “Right. Um, heh, You look a lot like your mom. Kinda surprised that your supposed to be the boy.”

Rowan: .... *hrk!* *BLEGH!*

Qrow eyes widen but it was already too late, all he could do was look down and see that Rowan had just spit up all over his new shirt. Both parents gave nervous looks but also tried not to laugh at Qrow’s expense. Taiyang, Yang, Nicholas, and the seven Arc sisters, however, did not follow their example, laughing their guts out.

Rowan: *giggles and points at Qrow*

Qrow: “Oh now you find me funny. Don’t ya, you lil’ gremlin.” *eye twitches*

Ruby: “Hey I’m sure he didn’t mean to do that!”

Yang: “Hahahaha! I don’t know Ruby, he seemed pretty determined to puke all over Qrow!” *covering her mouth*

Qrow: “Well at least I know you’re your Mother’s kid. You’re a brat through and through.”

Ruby: “Hey!”

June: “Ok I’m back what did I-...Oh dear. Apparently both children have motion sickness.”

Nicholas: “No dear, it’s just the boy knows how to get back at others.” *he smiles in pride of his progeny*

-Fin-

A/N: Boy did this one take me awhile to get done. I had a lot of ideas for how this were to go and tried to fit them all in so hope I met your expectations. Thanks again for your support! 😊

P.S. I did my best to make names for the remaining Arc sisters and I decided to simplify and translate the names of the girls in accordance to their color from the portrait we saw in Volume 6 in Saphron’s house. Also keep in mind I have no idea what the age difference is just know I did my best and this will be my head canon until proven otherwise.

Rouge = Eldest (Red w/ Short Hair)

Saphron = Second (Orange that was Upside down. Her name is closer to orange so yeah)

Vert = Third (Green)

Blanc/Noir = Twins (Ok so they had blue bows but the also look to be wearing black and white so I went with that to avoid confusion)

Bleu = Sixth (Blue w/ Glasses)

Violet = Neña (Violet, no brainer)

Jaune = Youngest (Yellow. Ok so he appears to be the youngest from the photo as most of the time the most recent child is at the center of most family pictures. But again I could be wrong but I stand by what I said until CRWBY says otherwise...probably)

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Is Cuties REALLY that bad?

Y’all saw me. I defended this a few weeks ago when first glimpses came out. I said “we havn’t seen any of it yet so we cant condemn it!”

Its out now so I watched it.

Is it REALLY that bad?

.

.

.

FUCKING. YES.

I made it 28 minutes into the film. I can not watch more.

In the first half an hour we had multiple pans of YOUNG GIRLS bodies as they moved and “danced” sexually but what made me shut it down? In LESS than half an hour the movie explicitly shows a PREPUBESCENT GIRLS breast. Full on, whole nipple, totally uncovered.

In the first half an hour.

Gawd I feel like I need a fucking shower now.

Why do I keep harping on the first half an hour? Because if thats the level you START at, where the hell do you go next?!

I JOKE about horror movies that “show” “teens” having sex or in sexual situations. Thing is? THEY AREN’T ACTUALLY TEENS. They are adult actors pretending to be teens. While its uncomfortable in a way, its not an actual child on screen.

This? This IS. These are ACTUAL children in this movie.

I can see where the story is going. A young Muslim girl and her family have just moved somewhere (presumably France but I’m not sure). She is “coming of age” in her religion. She must wear a head scarf and attend the serious religious meetings instead of being allowed to play with her younger sibling and the other kids.

She wanders down a hallway after the meeting while her mother is talking to another woman and she hears salsa music playing. She goes to investigate and finds a girl dancing suggestively in the laundry room. You’re meant to think this girl is much older until she turns around and you see her baby face and realize shes no older than the main character. Awkward psudo-lesbian feelings show on both girls faces before the scene cuts.

The next day our main character (no, I’m not invested enough to learn any names here) goes to her new school and sees the “Cuties” for the first time. 4 girls her age dressed in short dresses, crop tops, and tight pants. They do some weird statue BS that I STILL dont understand before the principal yanks one girl off to her office.

MC comes across the Cuties practicing under a bridge and spies on them from above. The girls get pissed for some reason and throw rocks at her. MC is stupid enough to just stand there while they throw rocks and gets one to the face. The next day at school, the girls harass her, call her ugly and stupid, ect. That night she uses her dads phone (which she stole) to look at instagram pictures of these girls and starts taking pictures of herself and posting them too.

Jump forward to next school day shes in the bathroom and listening to these girls talk about pictures of boy parts they have. SHE WIPES HER ASS very purposely for the camera (they dont show her bare ass but she takes tissue and wipes at the back of her butt. its obvious what she was doing) then leaves the stall to look over the girls’ shoulders at the pictures. For SOME reason, the girls dont tell her to fuck off which I’d have expected from this Mean Girls wanabe click but instead invite her into their conversation and start asking about her LITTLE BROTHERS private parts. Her brothers are, like, 5 and <1?! They then happen to see a boy the ring leader likes and dash after him. When he goes into the bathroom the girls dare MC to go take pictures of his bits. So she does. She just waltzes into the boys bathroom (which doesn’t seem to have a door?!) and starts recording him with her phone. When she runs out, the girls are gone, OBVIOUSLY.

Next day head bitch is at MC’s house and criticizes her for not being able to see anything and asks MC “do you even know how to use this?” MC then proceeds to lock her brother in the bathroom FOR SOME REASON and then head bitch breaks into the room they aren’t supposed to be in. They do some CREPPY FUCKING SHIT with gummy bears then head bitch grabs MC’s phone to show her a video.

It starts off pretty meh. Its some tweens dancing in ways they should not even know how to dance but nothing worse than we’ve seen so far.

Then one girl “accidentally” shows her breast for the camera.

The girl is, like, MAYBE 15? MAYBE????

And that is where I stopped.

This was all within the first TWENTY EIGHT FUCKING MINUTES.

If that was their best foot forward and it just gets worse from there? I tasted bile in my mouth at just that!

I am 100% for free speech with only one caveat, that no speech or act violates the rights or safety of another person.

This movie could have been made without actively harming these children. How? NOT USING MINORS. This movie’s story isn’t anything new. A girl from a traditional religious family discovers her body and her sexuality. I could find a fucking DOZEN Hallmark channel movies that do the exact same thing. The only difference was this traditional religious family was Muslim and not Christian. This movie has been done over and over again, and with quite a bit of the uncomfortable shit but its not nearly as uncomfortable because the actors are FUCKING ADULTS.

And whats worse? The basic story about her family and how shes breaking from it, it actually IS interesting. Its not NEW but its still interesting. Apparently her dad decided to take a second wife and her mom isn’t taking it well. Its an interesting look into a new culture and I LOATH that I cant see how this plays out simply because the fucking CHILD PORN that brackets the interesting story.

I thought this was going to be like Gotta Kick It Up or something. I think thats what supporters want people to THINK it is. But GKiU didn’t put literal CHILD PORN front and center.

Also? From a technical perspective? Its just a badly made movie.

There are odd and awkward lines, dead space that serves no purpose, and characters who’s actions make literally no sense. Camera angles are awkward and uncomfortable in situations that you dont have a REASON to be made to feel uncomfortable (funny enough, the scenes they say we SHOULD feel uncomfortable aren’t subject to these awkward angles). Scenes that make literally NO SENSE like the weird statue thing???

Its just. Its just all so badly made! Badly filmed. Badly written. Badly acted.

But what can you say? This movie had bad intentions behind it from the get go. Of course they aren’t going to put effort into the story or the acting. Thats not what its about.

This does not deserve a “goat yells at” tag.

Its just fucking disgusting.

Period.

[imjeralee]

Comfort in Despair: Chapter 4 - “Have You Seen My Son?”

Leon x F!Reader

Disclaimer: Do not own Pokemon

Summary:

Galar is rich in folklore and tales of the supernatural.

As a Pokemon Researcher who specialises in ghost types, this is a great opportunity for you to investigate and learn more about the paranormal.

Along the way, you meet Leon (in the most awkward way possible) who becomes embroiled in your adventures.

^ Basically this story is about ghosts :/

Rating: General/Teen

Note: So uh, apparently my previous chapter scared one of my readers who was reading it at night. So I changed the warning below -

Warnings: Don’t read this fic at night 

Have You Seen My Son?

...

...

[It is estimated that 8 million children around the world go missing each year]

...

...

When it's almost sunrise, a Vullaby squawks somewhere in the distance and you turn to Leon and give him a little shake. "Leon, wake up."

He's lying on his back and up close you can see his long eyelashes and angular features and you feel bad for waking him up considering how comfortable and peaceful he looks. He begins to stir in his sleeping bag and murmurs and groans under his breath before he opens his eyes wearily and glances up where he sees you looking at him from above. His eyes grow wide.

You notice that he's staring but you turn away to roll your sleeping bag properly. "It's almost time to watch the sunrise. It's freezing, so wear something warm."

"Oh, right," Leon croaks out groggily as he moves to sit up, then he throws a glance to you as you get ready, pulling the straps of your bag over your shoulders and tugging on them firmly. He rolls out of his sleeping bag and you leave the tent, letting him get changed in private.

It's extremely chilly outside as you wait for him and your damaged coat isn't doing very well in the frigid air so you rub your arms in an attempt to keep warm, teeth chattering as you stand shivering on the spot until Charizard creates a fire for you so you thank him, hop over and warm yourself until Leon emerges from the tent in his white, woolly sweats and looking very warm. His long hair is a tangled mess though, sticking up in all possible directions which makes you giggle.

"...Mornin'," Leon greets you rather gruffly; his voice is slightly hoarse.

"Good morning. Here, have some water," you unscrew the lid off a flask and give him it; he accepts it with a mutter of thanks and downs one big gulp.

Then he slips on his shoes and grabs a comb from his bag, using it to quickly tame his unruly hair before he decides to tie it in a low ponytail. "I'll be back in a few minutes..."

He wanders off with a small drawstring bag which he slings over one broad shoulder, possibly to brush his teeth and wash his face which you had done so in the morning. Charizard goes with him, probably to ensure he doesn't get lost along the way. You wait by the fire and Zorua wakes up, stretching on her frontal paws before she looks at you and you feed her some berries and play with her.

Leon returns shortly, looking slightly more awake. "Should we go?"

"Do you want something to eat first?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, let's go then. I know a good spot. Follow me."

Zorua leaps on top of Charizard's head as you and Leon begin your trek. He definitely seems more awake now as he walks with Charizard though your journey is spent in silence. The spot for watching the sunrise is a grassy hill which isn't far away from your campsite at all so in a few minutes down the path and you locate the hill and turn to Leon with a grin.

"Here we are."

Leon offers you a gentle smile and you both head up. It's not steep at all and it's not rocky in the slightest, but Leon gives you his hand just in case. You smile at him awkwardly as you slip your hand in his and he helps pull you up though it's not necessary.

Eventually, you arrive at the top of the hill and head to the edge before you carefully lower yourself to sit cross-legged with Zorua in your lap whilst Leon sits beside you and Charizard plops down beside him.

Though not as stunning as the view from the Meetup Spot, the hill grants a breathtaking view of the Wild Area from the Grove where you can see a huge stretch of grassy pastures below, including various rivers and lakes bathed in darkness.

In the horizon, the sun peeks out from the mountain and the sky is streaked with orange and red hues. The breeze is stronger and colder and you let out a sneeze.

As you mutter a quick 'bless me' under your breath and rub at your nose with a tissue, Leon quickly pulls off his sweater and drapes it around your shoulders and over your back. You go still, wide-eyed.

"This'll keep you warm," Leon says as he tucks the sweater in and loops the arms around your neck.

You end up shrinking away from him which you hope he doesn't notice. "...Thanks, Leon."

"You're welcome."

Leon's sweater is wrapped tightly around you and he is left in this tight, long-sleeved black shirt but the cold doesn't seem to affect him. Charizard watches your interaction with the champion from the corner of his eye before he snickers under his breath in wheezy huffs.

"Were you up all night?" Leon adds when he notices that you appear slightly drained, and you nod. He winces slightly at your response but you shrug.

"I'm used to it. I'm the equivalent of a Noctowl. How about you? Did you sleep okay last night?"

"Yep!" he says cheerfully.

"Good," you reply, as it appears he didn't hear the radio going off last night, and your wristwatch beeps, indicating the sunrise is due to start.

You and Leon grow silent and focus on the magnificent view before your very eyes as the sun begins to creep up over the mountain and light pours into the valley. It dispels the darkness easily, the light growing brighter and brighter until the clouds are dissolved in a tawny, gentle hue. As the sun begins its gradual ascent, the sky brightens up entirely and bathes the landscape with a warm glow. The sunlight becomes so intense that you have to shield your eyes and Leon does the same.

When the light becomes bearable and the atmosphere grows slightly warmer, you lower your arm, close your eyes and inhale a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling with content. The sunlight feels nice on your face.

"Getting to see the sunrise is the best part of my day," you murmur under your breath as you re-open your eyes, curling your fist before you hold it triumphantly in the air, "In the end, light will always conquer darkness."

Leon ponders your words carefully then he says, "I once told myself I would see the sunrise with someone special," Upon realising what he'd just blurted out, he begins to attempt to correct himself.

You let out a loud laugh in response, "It's fine, Leon. You can bring your special someone here next time. Just don't tell them I showed you this place first."

"Ah...y-yeah."

The sunrise is over so it's time to head back. Your trip back to camp is in silence which you don't mind and you return Leon's hoodie to him and he mumbles his thanks. It looks like Leon has not recovered from what he'd unintentionally let slip despite your reassurance.

Although it's time for you to split ways, Leon asks if you want to stay for some breakfast which you agree to after your stomach rumbles loudly in front of him. He laughs (much to your embarrassment) and brings out some food for you and Charizard to start cooking whilst he finishes stowing away the tent and pack the majority of his camping supplies into his bag.

When he's completed his task, he returns to the cooking area where you have all gathered, cooking some beans and slices of toast in the metal pan. Charizard waits with his bowl whilst Zorua sits beside you with her legs folded and her tail wagging in the air, watching. Gengar stays in your shadow, unwilling to come out or be active during the day.

Once you have finished heating the beans and toasting the bread, Charizard hands you his bowl.

"It must suck not having thumbs," you utter as you empty some beans and toast into the bowl, which you then hand to the flame pokemon. You do the same, slipping in some food for Leon which you hand to him.

As you begin to eat, you notice it's actually been a while since you have eaten breakfast with someone who wasn't Sonia or Professor Magnolia. You crunch your toast, musing to yourself. You want to say something to Leon but you discover you are quite nervous though you do spare him a quick sideways glance to see what he is up to every now and then, only to realise that he has been staring at you and when he realises he has been caught, he hastily looks away.

The same tension from last night is returning.

After you finish eating, you wash up quickly and Leon packs the remainder of his belongings before extinguishing the fire. The campsite is now empty. It is as though no-one had stayed here.

Zorua is the first to leave.

She has decided to return to the manor and has assured everyone that she can make her way on her own. She transforms herself into a little rosy-cheeked, pigtailed farm girl so not to draw attention to herself nor does she want to risk being captured by some plucky trainer. You give her an additional helping of Pecha berries in a small ziplock bag to take away and enjoy but she ends up carrying the bag in her mouth and gleefully scampers through the woods on all fours and out of sight.

You and Leon watch before you sigh haplessly.

It's also time to take Leon back to the Dappled Grove where you will split up but the trek will take roughly two or three hours maximum.

You're about to set foot onto the trail until the sounds of wooden wheels rolling over the gritty path coupled with the rhythmic trotting of hooves heading towards your direction forces you and Leon to turn round.

A grizzled-looking Tauros is pulling an old-fashioned wagon towards your direction. A man in a loose flannel shirt, matching slacks, brown jacket and grey flatcap is perched at the front of the carriage with a frail-looking woman by his left, his wife presumably, and once they spot you, they get Tauros to come to a gradual stop.

"Easy there, Toro," the man drawls, before he turns to Leon and tips his hat, "Good mornin'. What're you doin' all the way out here, Mr Champion?"

You recognise the man. He is one of the farmers who works for Turrfield Orchards, a popular supplier of produce. You are aware that this farmer makes regular trips to Motostoke in the early hours of the morning from a farm somewhere in the Rolling Fields and you've seen him various times when you leave the Wild Area at dawn but he never speaks to you.

"Good morning, mister," Leon says cheerily with a grin; he tips his snapback in response, "We're on our way to the Dappled Grove."

"What a coincidence, we’re on our way there too. Ain't that right, dear?" the farmer barks out jovially, turning to his wife with a chuckle. "If you walk, it’s gonna take about three hours tops. Why dontcha hitch a ride wi' us? We'll get you there in no time!"

"Thanks!" Leon replies, and he glances at you with a grin before he heads over to the side of the caravan which is transporting several bales of hay and huge pots of berries. Leon recalls Charizard then throws his bag into the awaiting carriage. You can only smile at him awkwardly as you trail after the champion.

However, the farmer turns to you and you freeze up, hesitant in approaching the wagon. You know something is wrong when the farmer appears to regard you with disdain in his eyes.

He says, "We only got space for one."

A stunned expression appears on Leon's face whilst you blink blankly at the group, before you throw a downtrodden glance to the floor, biting down on your lip.

The farmer leans towards Leon and although he employs a hushed tone, you can hear what he says. "This girl is trouble. She's bad luck round these parts. People say she's cursed. If you know what's good for ya, stay away from her."

You heard everything loud and clear and you're quick to retreat, taking a few steps backwards, knowing all too well that you are not welcome onboard the Tauros wagon.

"It's okay, Leon. Go ahead. I can make it back on my own." You mumble. This farmer doesn't like you and you don't like him very much either.

"You heard the lady. Come on, Mr Champion."

Leon stares intently at you and his expression slowly becomes unreadable. However, he grabs his bag, hauling it out of the caravan. "No, I changed my mind. Thanks for your generous offer, but..." Leon promptly returns to your side with his bag, "We can manage on our own, thank you very much."

Following that is a rather strained silence as you and the farmer stare at Leon with widened eyes.

"Leon...?" you croak out.

Leon turns and smiles warmly at you. "Let's go."

The farmer snorts under his breath at the rejection. "Suit yerselves." With the reigns in his hands, he flicks them with a turn of his wrists and Tauros picks up speed again, galloping down the path and out of your view.

You cannot believe what had just happened and you gawk at the champion beside you. "Leon, why did you do that? You could've gotten a ride."

Leon smiles at you gently. "Well, I'd rather stay and walk with you."

And your heartbeat soars, your stomach doing backflips.

"Are you alright?" Leon asks, "your face is really red."

You snap out of your reverie. "O-oh! Yeah, I-I'm fine.." you stutter, trying to smile in response. "And he's wrong, I'm not bad luck!" you add, until something weighty smacks you in the back and you go stumbling forwards; although Leon grabs your hand, you still drop over the dirt, collapsing on your front.

Lifting your head up, you see a Hoothoot flying above you in a circle before it perches itself in the branch of a tree to your left, crowing with mirth. You wonder if it's the same Hoothoot from last night that had also harassed Leon when he was taking a bath.

"Arceus, you Hoothoot are the worst!!" you moan out before you can help it, cursing the Hoothoot.

Leon steps over you carefully to hoist you up though he ends up lifting your back off the ground and you remain sitting in the mud, feeling somewhat defeated. "You okay?"

You nod weakly.

Leon chuckles as he kneels beside you and helps dusts you down, wiping some flecks of dry mud from your shoulders and back whilst you shake your hair free of earth. "You have some dirt on your face."

"Where?"

"Right here." He says, but before you can move, Leon uses his sleeve to wipe at your cheek gently. His white sweater now has a mud patch but he grins to himself whilst your heart pounds furiously once more. Smiling at you, he says, "Let's go."

"...Okay."

You both continue making your way together through the forest until you reach the familiar landscape of the Dappled Grove. You have finally arrived. As though a stone has dropped in the pit of your gut, you throw your glance down sadly as you realise you will be parting ways with Leon for certain.

"Well, this is it." you say morosely as you gesture to the Dappled Grove's wooden signpost. It contains a few arrows pointing to various locations, outlining the directions to Rolling Fields and West Lake Axwell. "Wherever you're headed to next, you can use this."

Leon joins your side to inspect the sign. "Great! Thanks for all your help."

"No problem."

"It was really nice meeting you," Leon adds, sticking his hand to you and your face falls.

Oh.

A handshake.

Your heart plummets when you realise you were the only one who had been blushing and feeling butterfrees in the stomach the entire duration you had been together and you can't help but feel silly...

Leon has treated you as he would treat anyone, any regular fan. He was just being himself...he is kind and friendly to everyone, fans, friends and foes alike. You're no different than the rest.

It hurts in some sense upon realisation but nevertheless, you steel your nerves and slip your hand into his palm; his hand is so large, your little fingers are bundled up within his and his hand is also extremely warm despite the cold temperature. He proceeds to give you a firm shake and you force yourself to smile. Leon has some serious grip.

"Same. It was very nice to meet you," you reply, when you let go and your fingers are tingling from the contact.

"This is for you," Leon brings out his wallet and pulls out two ten thousand pokedollar bills, "For the coat."

"Ah, right...but um, my coat didn't cost twenty thousand. Let me give you some change for that..." As you fiddle around with your bag and pull out your pulse, Leon chuckles.

"Please, I want you to keep it. I insist," he adds, before he reaches for your hand and presses the money into your palm, forcing your fingers to curl over the money.

You're reduced to a blushing mess again from the contact. "O-oh...well, thanks...I appreciate it."

"What's your blog called? May I have a look?"

"Sure..." you utter the name of your website and also spell it out to him which he saves onto his phone.

"Thanks! I'll be sure to check it out."

You nod, cheeks growing warm, “When's your next match by the way?"

"In a week."

"I'll cheer for you."

His face goes pink and he slides his gaze to the ground. "Thank you. Do you want a ticket? I'll get you one."

"No need, I'll just join the rest of the rabble and sign up, go through the League's official website and try my luck in getting one."

"Usually my matches are sold out in seconds and people resell the tickets at inflated prices..."

"Well, you never know, I might get lucky."

Leon chuckles in response as you shrug, "I'll get a ticket for you," he reaffirms, and he sounds quite adamant in getting you one. "So...what are you planning to do now?"

"Hmm, I'm actually looking for a Grimmsnarl, Dusclops or Dusknoir. I heard there are some in the Stony Wilderness but I can never find one."

"I can help you with that. Let me know when you need assistance."

"Thanks, Leon. That sounds awesome. I'll give you a call, okay?"

He nods, his smile widening.

"Bye, Leon."

"Bye! Good luck with your research!"

"Thanks!"

It feels awkward as you wave at him and Leon and Charizard wave in response as you split up.

You take a few steps before you decide to throw a glimpse over your shoulder and you notice that he has done the same and now he is looking at you; your heart leaps in your throat and you should really look away but Leon grins and waves again. You meekly wave back and you're first to turn away, your breath caught in your throat.

Instead of heading towards the Meetup Spot to get the train that will take you to Wedgehurst, you call for a Corviknight taxi. You wait at least fifteen minutes, sitting on a tree stump and searching online using your Rotom phone on 'signs that a guy likes you'.

You couldn't help yourself.

When the search results load, you click on the first available result that you see on Rotom's search engine, which is an online article detailing ten telltale signs when a guy like a girl.

Sign one: the guy will want to spend his time with the girl and make an effort to contact her. You ponder to yourself but you don't know Leon well enough to fully know if he wants to spend all his time with you so you ignore this one.

Sign two, body language. If a guy like a girl, he's either very nervous, intimidated or shy and he might even make an attempt to touch her. When you read this, you recall how Leon got all flustered and nervous around you on several occasions but you earnestly believed this was because Leon wasn't used to girls. He did seem to touch you a lot though. Unfortunately, you cannot really tell so you move onto the next sign.

Sign three, the guy will ask questions and remember little details. Having only met Leon for one night, it's natural if Leon asked you plenty of questions and it's too early for him to show that he has remembered your every little detail. You will only find out if you ever meet him again. Emphasis on if.

Before you can read the rest of the article, the Corviknight taxi arrives and you bookmark the page to be read later and put Rotom away.

The cabbie opens the carriage door for you and you climb in, poking your head out the window; you ask to be taken to Wyndon which would take twenty or so minutes. The cabbie climbs on the massive bird and you're off. The carriage is lifted high in the air and you buckle up for the bumpy ride. Once you're seated properly, you peer out the window where you see the huge stretch of greenery below you.

You are glad to have left the Wild Area.

It's not a kind place. Although you're prepared, you are thoroughly exhausted, drenched with sweat and caked in dirt. Travelling through the Wild Area really takes a toll on you and challenges one's mental and physical strength.

That being said, you worry about Leon and you wonder if you can see Leon and Charizard down below but ultimately, you can't.

You're too high up.

Sighing, you roll the window down and rest your elbows on the sill to stare at the sky where you see singing Gossifleur and Eldegoss floating in the air and you wave at them and they wave at you in response. Some bird pokemon fly past too and you wave to them. The ride back to civilisation is a soothing and calming one.

Eventually, the barren land of the Wild Area gradually disappears behind you and you see buildings ahead. Corviknight zooms past, heading towards the direction of a huge Ferris wheel that looms in the horizon and grows closer and closer into view, followed by towering skyscrapers. This is your prime indication that you have now arrived at Wyndon.

Corviknight drops you off in front of the fountain. You hop out, pay the cabbie and check Big Bill, the clock tower of Wyndon. It is now almost ten am and the city is very busy.

Your first task is to buy a new coat. The streets are bustling as you make your way to the boutique. You got your coat from here so you're going to buy yourself a new one. Leon's generosity won't be forgotten. You step inside the shop and head over to the outerwear section and you're hoping to get a coat that is identical to your current one but unfortunately the design is no longer for sale and so you settle for a basic but warm and waterproof, black parka that costs eighteen thousand.

You part with your muddy, burnt coat and emerge from the changing room in your new threads.

"Well, it was a good run," you murmur as you fold your ruined coat and slot it inside the clothing recycling bin.

Wyndon Stadium is your next destination so you make your way over, passing the river and the ferris wheel and once you arrive at the enormous, dome-shaped building, you head through the clear glass doors. Although Leon has informed you that he has no matches until a week later, you're stunned to see that it is full of tourists and locals.

Once you're inside, Rotom sounds off and you absent-mindedly check the screen. It's a message from an unknown person and it says:

Unknown: Hi, this is Leon. Did you make it out of the Wild Area ok?

You reread the message a second time and your heart starts pounding viciously. You cannot believe your eyes. The Champion of Galar has messaged you! You are so stunned, you completely stop in your tracks. You are about to type a reply though you pause briefly, wondering if you are replying to his message way too quickly. You don't want to come across as an Eager McBeaver nor do you want to look like a sad sport who does nothing but look at their phone every single minute of their day.

Nevertheless, you decide it's best to send a reply since you don't want to leave it too late to reply that it becomes awkward....therefore you quickly type a quick message and hit send.

You: Yep! I made it out alive :')

With the reply sent, you excitedly add Leon to your contacts, thus increasing the number of contacts in your phonebook to a total of five which is a vast improvement compared to two or three years ago and then you put Rotom away, slightly worried about what the Champion's reply would be and how long he might take to reply.

The text from Leon has elevated your mood to an unimaginable extent. Glancing around the stadium lobby, there are plenty of people ogling the glass cabinet displays that contains the many trophies and awards won by past Champions of Galar. Leon's trophies take up two entire rows and there are also tonnes of posters with his face on them decorating the walls of Wyndon Stadium.

He's everywhere you look.

It's inescapable, and a merchandise kiosk that has just opened up grabs your attention and you head over immediately. You're first in line and the clerk is stacking up some stock on the shelves until she spots you, pausing in her activities to head over to the counter.

"Good morning, how may I help you?" she asks with an absurdly cheerful smile on her face.

You look at the random items she was placing on the shelves. As expected, it's all got Leon's face printed on it. There is a Leon mug, a Leon tumbler, a Leon flask, a Leon scarf...even a Leon mousemat too.

There's Leon everything.

"Wow, this must be Leon heaven." you say, incredibly overwhelmed.

"It is! This is the Leon-exclusive merchandise stall."

"Oh really?" you suddenly have the urge to buy something with his face on it so you say, "I'd like to buy a poster of Leon, please."

"Of course! Which one do you want? Leon on his own? Leon with Chairman Rose? Leon holding a beer? Leon with an ultra ball? Leon with Charizard?"

"Just Leon on his own will be fine."

"With or without an ultra ball?"

"Leon with no ultra ball, thanks."

"Got it!" the clerk cheerfully ducks underneath the counter for a split second and quickly stands back up with a rolled canvas under her arm. "This one?"

And she proceeds to unravel it, revealing Leon striking his famous Champion pose; the canvas is also at least one metre long.

"Wow. It's perfect. How much?" you ask, digging a hand into your bag to fetch your purse.

"Five thousand."

You hesitate but this is official merchandise so you suppose it is value for the money so you count your bills and hand over the cash; you want to show that you support Leon in the best way possible and what is the best possible way to do so other than buy overpriced merchandise? The clerk happily hands you the poster which is too big for a bag so you hold the rolled up print under your armpit.

"We also have a Leon action figure for sale! This is the new and improved version of Leon with his signature snapback and fully rotating arms for impressive ball-throwing action!" the clerk grabs the Leon figurine she was describing off a random shelf and holds it up to you, "Charizard and accessories sold separately."

"That's a bit of a ripoff." you utter, rubbing your chin as you take the figurine off her to inspect it further.

The figurine comes with an exact replica of his Champion attire, his snapback (which appears to be inseparable from his head and hair) and he also comes with a red cape lined with fur. You look at his little white Champion booties and laugh.

"But this one is limited edition and it's also the last one in stock!"

"Last one in stock?"

"Correct."

"Limited edition?"

"Indeed."

"Hm. Alright. How much?"

"Usually it's twelve thousand nine hundred but today, I'll give it to you for ten thousand."

"Alright fine, I'll take the action figure too."

"Thank you, young lady, you won't regret it!"

"I just spent fifteen thousand quid on Leon merchandise," you mutter to yourself as you rummage through your bag for your wallet once again, "I have no regrets."

"Spoken like a true Leon fan!"

You're pretty sure the clerk's claims of the Leon figurine being the 'last one in stock' were falsified so you would experience increased pressure to buy it but you vehemently don't care; the Leon figurine looks sturdy, well-made and the resemblance to him is uncanny. The clerk puts the figurine away into the box and carefully eases it into a large bag with the Macro Cosmos logo on it.

"Perhaps you'd be interested in a huggable Leon body pillow too?" she asks, brows wiggling suggestively.

"Uh...I think I'll pass."

"Mm-hmm, suit yourself.....but how about this pair of Leon night slippers?"

"Slippers? Can I have a look?"

Behind you, you suddenly hear a loud groan of frustration.

"Are you finished yet, lady? You're holding up the goddamn queue!" a voice screams behind you and you turn round to see that there is a small line of teenage girls standing behind you.

"Okay, okay, I'm done, geez..."

You leave the kiosk with poster and bag in hand and return to the lobby, glancing at a bunch of kids running up to Ball Guy who stands near the sofas, waving his arms around happily in the air, a perpetual grin on the round mascot mask.

"Hey, hey, hey kids! I'm your friendly neighbourhood Ball Guyl!" he greets them joyfully as they circle him, his voice muffled behind the mask.

"I don't give a Raticate's ass! Give me my free ball, loser!" one of the kids scream.

"Hurry! Make him faint and take his experience points!" another kid yells before he kicks him in the shin.

Ball Guy reels from the impact and emits a pained grunt before he falls to the ground, clutching his knee to his chest. Once he's down, the children scream and yell as they surround and clamber over him; their little hands ransacking his pockets before they run off with a bunch of capsules.

You glance around, wondering if anyone else had witnessed this but it appears no-one had bothered to pay Ball Guy any attention. You walk up to him as he continues rolling around on the floor in agony.

"Yep…children are the future…" you hear him groan weakly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking..." Ball guy mutters, and you give him your hand. He looks up and then gasps. "Huh? Oh hey, chuck, you're back!"

You grin as he takes your hand, jumps back onto his feet and grabs the rim of the mask, tearing it off with a loud pop to reveal a young man with a mop of messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He shakes his hair in the same manner that reminds you of a shampoo commerical before he gives you an affable, friendly smile.

A few customers are shocked to see the true face of Ball Guy whilst some of the younger children with their parents start screaming about Ball Guy's head being ripped off. However, he is oblivious to them and you exchange a brief hug.

"How was it? Did you find the house? Did you perform any exorcisms?" he asks enthusiastically.

"I'm not an exorcist, Jace," you mutter, "But yes, I found the house and I sealed away an evil spirit too."

"And you say you're not an exorcist? Hello?! You sealed an evil spirit."

"Well, yeah, but it was nothing."

Jace pointedly rolls his eyes in response to your laidback reply and crosses his arms. "Pfft. It was 'nothing'. What's that you got there anyway?"

"Oh, these?" you lift up the poster and the Macro Cosmos bag with the Leon figurine, "Just some stuff. Here, hold this for a moment." You give him the poster to clutch so you can put the figurine on the floor and grab the broken radio from your bag. "Unfortunately this happened too."

Swapping your poster for the radio, Jace holds the device limply in his hands, turns it round and raises a brow. "What happened?"

"Gengar threw me into a wall and it broke," you reply nonchalantly with a shrug whilst Jace blinks numbly at you, "Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Hey Gengar, I want you to meet Jace."

Following that, Jace looks up and around until Gengar appears from your shadow on the ground and rises into the air, emitting an evil cackle as he floats high above you and Jace's complexion goes a tad paler than usual as he makes eye contact with the pokemon.

"Oh..." he gulps, knees going weak as Gengar proceeds to circle him, "A ghost pokemon?"

"Yep, and he's decided to stay with me," you say happily, when Gengar stops and returns to float by your side. You and Gengar grin at each other before he decides to jump into someone else's shadow, his red eyes gleaming from within.

"I think he'll be a wonderful pokemon partner. Suits you, too."

"Thanks. We haven't really had the chance to get to know each better yet but that's okay, we can chat later. So... uh, the radio. Can it be fixed?"

"Of course! Give me a few days though."

"Sure. Thanks in advance. Oh, I also met the Champion last night too."

Jace's jaw drops at you revelation. "What? You met the Leon!!! Really? What's he-"

"BALL GUY!"

You and Jace wince under the loud voice and throw your glances to the far end of the lobby to see a red-faced and bloated-looking, blob of a man in a suit that looks like it's far too tight for him, standing at the closed doors that would lead to the pitch. It's the manager of Wyndon stadium. He watches the two of you with his arms crossed over his chest, tapping one foot impatiently over the ground.

"Ball Guy, get over here now! And put the damn mask back on!"

Jace acknowledges his boss with an apologetic nod and fixes the mask back over his head. "Sorry," his voice has gone back to being muffled, "I need to go back to work now but I'll take care of your radio. I'll call you when it's fixed."

"Thanks Jace."

"No problem. See you."

"Bye-bye, have fun at work! Remember, if you hear any voices from the radio, don't respond."

"Yep, I hear ya. Hey duckie, take this before you go," Jace scoops a Dusk Ball from his pocket and plops it into your hand, then gives you a thumb up.

"Thanks!"

Jace returns to his Ball Guy persona, wiggling his arms in the air and entertaining the customers whilst you leave Wyndon Stadium to head home. On the way to the train station, you pass Wyndon Police station, one of the biggest branches of Galar Police.

It's a large building opposite the river with many floor-to-ceiling windows, the walls painted in blue and red to fit in with the majority of Wyndon's more contemporary architecture and design.

Once you near, you spot a small group of women outside the gates, yelling over each other and waving flyers and League cards in their fists. A few policemen with a Herdier and Grapploct in uniform, badge and hat are keeping the noisy crowd at bay.

"Calm down, you lot!" they're doing their best but the women are hysterical, screaming about their missing sons. "They're gym challengers, madam, that's normal-"

The women are unappeased, condemning the officers for their lack of empathy and compassion and that on this occasion, it is abnormal for gym challengers with fully functioning Rotom phones to go missing or unreachable for such a long time.

The policemen sigh heavily. "We've already taken your testimony, and we 'ave officers on the case and patrollin' as we speak. You're all best to go back to yer homes and wait for us to contact you, you hear me?"

As you pass them, an iron grip seizes your arm and you are promptly halted in your path. A crumpled flyer is shoved in your face with the words 'HAVE YOU SEEN THIS YOUNG MAN?' stamped on the front and you blink at the photograph of a random boy. It is slowly lowered, revealing a woman with a peaky face and mousy eyes.

"Have you seen my son?"

"No, ma'am, I haven't," you murmur, though you take the flyer off her to study the face of the missing boy; it's the photo from his league card, a smiling, young face full of freshness and simplicity. He appears to be sixteen years old at least. "...Hmm, where was the last place he was seen? The Giant's Seat, perhaps?"

She looks at you in bewilderment though you had casually uttered those words under your breath. "How did...how did you know???"

"Lots of people have gone missing there," you add, "It's a case I'm working on right now."

Immediately, the group of shrieking women go silent and all heads turn to you. Everyone's staring keenly at your direction all of a sudden, even the policemen and the pokemon. It only takes a matter of seconds for you to become swamped by the women who are now shoving their flyers or League cards of their missing sons in front of your face, demanding if you know anything about their missing whereabouts and if you could help them with this seemingly hopeless situation.

The policemen chat to themselves briefly until you see the group heading towards your direction and this doesn't look very good; you believe they might apprehend you and you might be questioned but you are saved in time when a gentleman in a suit with an Arcanine and Manectric plodding beside him appears at the gates and stops the officers before they can even take one step forwards.

They immediately salute him upon his arrival. "Chief!"

"It's alright, let her go," he drawls, "She knows what's she doing and she's done work for us before."

The policemen have no choice but to oblige and let you off. Chief successfully ushers the officers away and when he turns to you, he gives you a wink. You mouth a 'thank you' and leave the station vicinity with the group of women who have decided to follow you, hoping that you may be able to help them figure out what happened to their children.

...

[fear-before-valor]

💫

(Thank you again for your help with the trollish, by the way!!)

--

Tranz by Gorillaz

When you get back on Saturday night And your head is caving in Do you look like me, do you feel like me Do you turn into your effigy?

Jim stared into his bathroom mirror, where a crack remained that had never been repaired. He traced over his own doing with a very human fingertip, though he’d made the crack with, at the time, stone hands, instead of the warm ones that he was peering at now. The crack had split the mirror down the middle, and spiderwebbed into smaller offshoots that weren’t quite enough to completely distort his reflection; they were only just enough to make something look Not Right. Though, to be fair to the mirror, every time Jim had seen himself since even as far back as Eternal Night— and really, was that even that long ago? Or did it only feel that way?— something had felt Not Right. Capital N, capital R, Not Right. He’d seen it in everyone’s faces; in the brave way his mother had tried to hide her fear and worry behind support, but he could tell. He’d always been able to tell, with her. And Toby. And Blinky, after a while. He’d seen the worried faces of his family who tried to be strong for him, like he tried to be strong for them. But no amount of strength could hide when something uncontrolled in their faces blanched for just a moment, when they’d looked at him, just for a split second too late for them to cover it up.

It was one thing he definitely didn’t miss, from his time as a troll.

He wasn’t sure he even could say he missed it at all, though, if he was being honest. He’d never really asked for the form; only accepted it because it was what had been expected of him.

He supposed, if he did miss anything from it, though, he missed how utterly invincible he’d felt.

…Well.

Until he hadn’t anymore, when he was stabbed through his armor—through his heart—and suddenly he hadn’t felt so helpless in his life, as his own mind had turned traitor.

Jim never thought he’d approach anything like the singular sensation of even seeing his own effigy. Though, to be fair, he still hadn’t.

He hadn’t seen his own effigy.

He’d become it.

Do you dance like this? Forever

He could feel stone crumbling, as he met his own eyes in the mirror; he could feel his own skin crumbling, as his terror stared at him back. He could feel his own body crumbling— I’m dying…! He’d thought. I’m dying and Claire has to watch—

and then he felt the soft vibration of his phone at his hip. Three quick buzzes, a pause between them, three more buzzes, a pause between them, three more, and a pause, and Jim almost missed the green ‘accept’ button.

He raised his phone to his ear, forgetting to look at who it was.

“Jim? Where are you? My mom is demanding pictures, and my dad can only stall for so long!”

Claire.

When Jim opened his mouth to answer back, he was surprised to feel a smile stretched over his lips— he hadn’t even known he’d started to do that. He was quiet for a moment, just smiling, listening to the muffled commotion of Ophelia Nuñez nigh on a warpath, and her husband who had the distinct sound of a father trying to quiet a rambunctious toddler, while also attempting to have a civil conversation with his wife, all at the same time.

And it struck Jim.

It was so normal. So, incredibly normal. Even hearing NotEnrique chime in once in a while, sounding remarkably delighted by the chaos, was so blessedly normal, that Jim’s smile threatened to turn into a beam.

Claire had apparently gotten worried at his lack of response, however, and said, uncertainly, “…Jim? Are you there?”

He snapped back to the present. “Oh. Hey, Claire. Sorry; uh, I was having trouble fixing my—” he’d meant to decide if he was going to say his tie, or his hair, but instead it came out as, “Hairtie. I mean—”

Claire cut him off, a soft giggle chiming through his phone speaker, which set his heart spiraling. “Your hairtie, huh? Well, hurry up beauty queen, or we’re going to be late. You know between my mom and yours, we’re going to take centuries to be done with photos, and that’s not even taking into account when we meet up with Toby and the others, and their parents. It’s gonna be a brigade of parents, Jim!”

Jim chuckled, supposing that he wasn’t quite as unhappy about that as he perhaps should be. “Okay, okay. I’m on my way.” He said, and after a hushed ‘I love you,’ from Claire— who would never live it down if she was caught saying such a thing at seventeen— and a sickeningly sweet ‘I love you’ from himself in return, Jim hung up the phone, and slipped it back into his slacks pocket.

In his defense, he really had been trying to fix his hair, before he’d had his… episode. Now, he stared at it, and decided it was a hopeless cause due to the sheer amount of ruffles it would get from his mom alone, and so reached to grab his suit coat, instead. Pulling it on, he exited the bathroom, and just as he was about to slide down the railing, a hand caught him by the back of his collar.

“Now, Young Atlas, I do hope you were decidedly not going to risk ruining your dress pants on our banister?”

Jim groaned, rolling his eyes in an extremely over-exaggerated way, making sure Strickler saw. “I was gonna be careful!”

Strickler only looked amused, “I’m sure. But why don’t we take the stairs like civilized people, just in case?” He wrapped a gentle arm around Jim’s shoulders, guiding them both down the stairs together.

Barbara was at the bottom, dressed casually, for once— there had been no ifs ands or buts; she had the night off, and wasn’t on call unless the world ended. Of course, given Arcadia’s track record, that could have been an unfortunately high chance, but then again, it felt like even evil was taking a backseat that day. It seemed that that day was the first day they’d had in ages where no one wanted to destroy the world. Not even a continent.

And it was divine.

The sun was hanging lazily in the sky, golden light filtering harmlessly through their blinds, though Strickler was, of course, careful, regardless. He’d agreed to stay with the children until Barbara got back, but stood in the foyer as a mother stared at her son— looking so scarily like an adult— and watched with a smile, as she embraced the boy, trying to hide her misting eyes.

Barbara pulled back after a moment, and despite her valiant effort, hadn’t successfully stopped her tears from spilling, so as she pulled away from Jim, she wiped at her eyes under her glasses. Jim’s face softened, as he reached up to put a hand on her cheek, “Aw, mom, hey—”

“You just look so grown up, Jim.” She cut him off, going in for a second hug. He laughed, and hugged her again, and they held it, for longer this time.

After a moment too long, Jim opened his eyes to glance at Strickler, and shot him a look that screamed help me. Jim wasn’t sure he’d be able to get his mom to let go by himself. Then again, this, too, did not bother him much.

Seeing Jim’s face, however, Walt chuckled and moved to place a comforting hand on Barbara’s shoulder. “Come, now, tarn, you must get going. You two have a picture date to attend, after all.”

Barbara finally pulled back enough to give a wet laugh, saying, “I’m glad you made me get waterproof mascara.” She smiled fondly at Walter, “It’s going to come in handy, if this is only beginning.”

The beginning of many more events to come, she meant. Jim was a senior this year, and graduation was approaching far quicker than any of them were ready for.

“I’m going to go get a few more tissues, actually.” She realized, and turned to dart back into the living room, to secretly tuck the whole box into her purse. She wouldn’t be the only one who needed them, after all.

As she left Walter and Jim alone, the former teacher reached to clasp Jim’s shoulder, to get his attention, and to hold him in some way. The boy was good at hiding it, but Strickler hadn’t missed the slight shaking of his hands, which he’d tried to hide, as he’d buried them into his coat pockets, post-hug. Walt gave Jim a gentle, reassuring smile, “Jim. How do you feel?”

The boy futzed for a moment, glancing into the living room, and then back to Strickler— there was a flash of a memory, when the two of them had been watching for Barbara in a much different way— and then he shook his head, smiling—a real smile, genuine. He spoke the truth when he said, “I’m fine, actually. Just nervous. I’m bad at dancing.”

Walter gave a gentle, kind laugh, “I believe you ought not worry, Young Atlas. Were Claire to break up with you over your dancing, I fear there would be a much larger issue at play.”

Jim’s eyes went wide at the implication, and Strickler realized the poor timing of the joke. “Ah, but… you needn’t worry. The world will not end because our trollhunter has two left feet. Claire loves you, Jim. You will be quite alright, I believe.”

Jim fidgeted for a moment, looking as if he was trying to make up his mind on something.

And then Barbara rejoined them, giving Walt a quick kiss on the cheek, interrupting whatever Jim had been about to say. She slung her purse over her shoulder, and reached to place a hand on Jim’s back. “Let’s go, honey. Can’t keep Claire waiting too long, eh, Romeo?” She teased.

Jim rolled his eyes, but grinned, “Yeah, yeah.” He turned to the door, but then halted, and looked over to her, as if he’d just remembered something. “Hey, Mom? Why don’t you go get the car started? I think I left mine and Claire’s tickets upstairs.”

Barbara looked at him to joke that that was, of course, important, but as she turned, she caught the smallest glimpse of the corner of the tickets already sticking out of Jim’s coat pockets. She glanced from Jim to Walter, who gave her a nod. Ah.

She pretended to be none-the-wiser, as she walked over to hug Walter. He was surprised, but accepted it, and as she held on, she whispered, “Thank you, my love.”

He murmured, “Of course, von swin dwoyem eks klokarp.”

Barbara gave a soft laugh. “One day I’ll get you to tell me what that means.”

“Not a chance.” He winked, as she let go, and properly exited the house.

Jim had averted his eyes throughout the exchange, embarrassed. No matter how long he lived with them, it would still always be a little awkward to see the two of them like that.

He looked back up when the front door clicked shut.

It was a split-second, the silence hanging in the air between them. And then Jim surged forward, and wrapped his arms around Strickler’s neck, having to get up on his tiptoes to do so, even for his stature. He held on only just long enough for Walt to loosely wrap his arms around Jim in return. They stayed for a moment, and then Jim pulled back, standing awkwardly, as if he’d surprised himself.

Strickler opened his mouth to speak, but Jim took that moment to cut him off, blurt, “Thank you,” and make a beeline for the door.

Walt let him go. When the front door shut again, he smiled to himself.

Do you dance like this? Forever

That night, three very not-normal teenagers engaged in one of the most normal rituals of high school that any of them had gotten to do, thus far—Senior Prom. They filled their phone storage with pictures, screamed their voices hoarse, abandoned shoes, ties, coats, danced themselves breathless, wheezed when they had not the breath to laugh at that very same dancing, collapsed on each other in a giggling heap on the floor when they rested for only a moment—they had to soak up everything; they couldn’t waste time sitting!— and stole far too much food from the snack table. They saw friends, old and new, teased each other, or professed love, declared themselves best friends, and decided to abandon their plans for the future. They didn’t need them. For one, incredible night— for one, normal night, they danced, frozen in forever.

For one beautiful night, Jim danced, hand-in-hand in a three-pronged circle with his two best friends in the world, and after two long, long years… Nothing was wrong. It was perfect.

[noonasto]

The Eight, Chapter 14

Seokjin had no trouble talking The Muse into eating dinner. Truth be told, she was starving by then. He promised she could have anything she wanted, so she got the largest mound of cheesy nachos they could find. And chocolate cake. She really, really wanted chocolate.

She was feeling a lot better by then. A lot of sleep had helped. Although she was still feeling the need for touch, it wasn’t hard to get it from her Jinnie. She sighed as she snuggled into him as they watched the Walking Dead, “Why can’t you be one of my husbands?”

“Oh Yeppeun,” he answered, “I do wish I was.”

“What does that mean? Yeppeun? You’ve called me that a few times.”

He answered “It means Pretty,” as he slid her hair away from her face and nuzzled into her neck.

She inhaled quickly and he felt her pulse quicken as his lips touched on the pounding artery.

She turned her head, looking him in the eyes, He laid his lips on hers. The kiss was soft at first, slowly building passion and steam. He moved, pushing her legs apart with his to make room for him to settle there. Tongues were caressing, hands were exploring, and there was a knock at the door. They pulled apart, still looking into each other’s eyes, trying to catch their breath. Seokjin called out asking who was at the door. A voice answered.

“It’s Yoongi” he said.

“Yoongi?” she asked, “That’s a surprise. He never stops by.”

“Should I tell him I’m busy kissing his wife?” Seokjin laughed.

Slapping him on the shoulder, she laughed, “Go let him in.” Secretly hoping Yoongi wouldn’t be able to tell what they had been up to by their kiss bruised lips.

Seokjin opened the door and Yoongi came in, looking awkwardly at The Muse. She smiled, happy to see her Ferocious Warrior.

He cleared his throat. “Hello. I saw you weren’t feeling well today. I wanted to see if you were feeling any better tonight.” He was so formal. She found it endearing.

“I’m feeling much better now, Yoongi. Thank you for coming to check on me. Do you want to sit? We can talk. Get to know each other.” she said with a hopeful smile.

“Ah. I have work to do tonight. I just wanted to see for myself if you were feeling better.” he looked around uncomfortably and slurped in a breath, “I should go work. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Yoongi gave a small bow and made his way out of the room.

Seokjin looked at The Muse with his eyebrows raised. She smiled and said “Believe it or not, that gave me hope. He cares. It’s a step in the right direction.”

“Yah, but it ruined the moment!” Seokjin said dramatically. She laughed out loud at that.

He made his way to the bathroom and she got up to find her backpack. Another cotton tank top and boy short set was in there. She changed and was snuggled in bed when there was another knock at the door. Seokjin was still in the bathroom, so she answered the door. Hoseok and Namjoon were there, all smiles for her.

She smiled and moved back so they could come in. “Hi! I’m so happy to see you! What are you doing?”

They each gave her a little hug on the way in and found chairs to plop down in.

“We thought we’d come visit for a bit,” Hoseok smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better. I ate way too much for dinner, and now I’m too full.” she laughed, patting her belly.

Seokjin came out of the bathroom and sat at the head of the bed.

After a little bit of small talk, Seokjin spoke up,

“Yeppeun?” he asked as he pulled her back onto his chest. “Why do you cry every night when you think I’m asleep? What causes you so much pain?”

She took a deep, steadying breath, not expecting that question. She looked at Hobi and Joon and cuddled against Seokjin, deciding it was probably time to talk about it with her Warriors.

“I’m thinking about what I was taken away from. Grieving.”

“Your husband?” Namjoon said. “You miss him. Love him.”

“Yes. and no.” She said. They all looked at her with curiosity.

“Please share with us, Yeppeun. We can help heal you. We are your Warriors after all.” Seokjin held her a little tighter.

She nodded, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.

“I do miss my husband. I love him. But, even after a week with you I can see that my love for him is more of that of a best friend. He’s a wonderful man. But I feel more, even in the limited time I've been here, with you all. Deeper. Soul deep, I guess you could say. More passion, even though I haven’t been touched. More emotion with every look. It’s intense. More so than with my husband. Or...other husband, I guess.” she took another deep breath to try to steady herself and continued, “What the driving force of my grief is, what I’m crying over every night, is that Sejong took me away from my son.” tears escaped her eyes as the three warriors gasped.

“You have a son?” Said Namjoon, eyes wide. Hoseok had his hand over his mouth in horror, and Seokjin held her even tighter.

“Oh, Yeppeun. I’m so sorry.”

Wiping away a tear, trying to stay strong, she continued, “Sejong told me that he is not my son anymore, and that he belongs with the body I left. But that doesn’t take away the fact that I carried him. I gave birth to him. I nursed him. I raised him. I love him.” More tears of anger and grief fell. “And now, I am forbidden to find him, even to see how he is doing. Sejong went as far as taking his name from me. I can’t even remember my own son’s name anymore.” she stifled a sob “I can see his face. Remember every detail. But not his name” She couldn’t hold back anymore. She cried, sobbing into Seokjin’s chest as he wrapped both arms around her. Namjoon and Hoseok climbed onto the bed to hold her as well.

In between sobs, she continued, “And then he had the balls to say ‘don’t worry, little Muse. You will bear many children for your husbands.’ Like that is going to fill the hole my heart will always carry!”

Her Warriors held her until her sobs lessened. Hoseok got up and brought her some tissues. Eventually helping her to the bathroom to wash her face.

While she was in there, they all looked at each other. Not sure what to do with this information.

“She has suffered so much.” Said Namjoon. “How do we make up for all that she’s lost? Where do we even start?”

“I’m not sure we can.” Said Hoseok. “The best we can do is cherish her, I think. Sejong and Min-ho both said that our touch heals physical and emotional wounds.” He sighed. “I just wish we could get the others to step up a little bit.”

“I have a thought,” said Seokjin. “We have the day after tomorrow off before starting rehearsals in the stadium. Why don’t we have a fun game night tomorrow night? Food, Drinks, Games. Maybe that will get them to come out of their shells a bit. Spend some time with her, get to know her a little more.”

Namjoon and Hoseok thought it was a great idea. Plus, a night to let off some steam sounded like exactly what they needed.

The Muse came out of the bathroom as Namjoon and Hoseok were preparing to leave for the night. They both have her big bear hugs, and even kissed the top of her head. She gave each of them a sad smile, and said goodnight.

Snuggling back into Seokjin’s arms, she fell asleep faster than she had since she got there. In fact, she felt a little lighter and a lot more cared for.

She was not whipped that night, though Seokjin was on guard for it. Ready to jump if he was needed. Apparently the kisses, as little as they were, were still enough to appease the God for now.