#are not going anywhere. i can expand if and when i’m ready.

[sillymercury]

Make You See My Crazy

AzrielxReader

<3

Warnings: some slightly sexual themes

Word count: 7.9k

It’s split into parts only bc I can’t stop yapping

Summary: Upon joining the inner circle you expected excitement, movement, enterprise. Instead you were faced with mundane, every day was nearly the same and repetitive motion was killing you. It’s hard sneaking around the person you love but it’s inevitable when they’re the one holding you back.

Part 2 to I’m not the Crazy One, She Is

<3

I thought working with the inner circle would be action packed; missions, fighting, or infiltrating other courts. I imagined myself having serious debriefs with Rhysand and far off adventures with Mor or Azriel. But for the first year and some change it’s just been training. Every. Day.

I guess it was to be expected, I had to be thoroughly prepared; even if what I was being prepared for was the impossible.

Some of the scenarios Azriel would throw at me were absolutely off the wall; like being shrunken down and hidden under a walnut casing, being drugged with hallucinogenic cookies that make the enemy seem like friends, being eaten by a shark? It was deluded. I asked him if any of those things ever happened to him, his answer; “Unimportant. It could happen to you.”

I thought I was flying through training with flying colors, and so did Rhysand and Cassian and Nesta and Gwyn and Feyre and Emerie and Morrigan and Amren and pretty much everyone other than Azriel. He always found something to correct or have a question with no right answer. At first it was funny, but then I mastered the sword, dagger, staff, bow and arrow, and my personal favorite nunchucks. Now it’s just condescending.

The time I wasn’t preparing for the impossible I was working on strengthening my powers with Amren and Nesta. I’ve had control of my abilities for the better part of two centuries but using them for combat was different. I had mostly used them to get what I want, adopting strangers on the streets powers to make my night more interesting. Now I was using people’s own powers against them. My abilities expanded beyond what I ever thought, what I had ever attempted. I can connect with at least 3 people, stealing power from multiple sources. I can also connect over a distance but that’s only for people that I know, if I can envision them in my minds eye and envision their powers I can connect from virtually anywhere.

Ive never felt more powerful, more formidable, more like a force to be reckoned with than since I’ve begun working with the inner circle. But for some reason, a reason that edged my last nerve Azriel didn’t see it.

“I can take on anyone in this godsdamned court and hold my own, but it’s always ‘you’re not ready’ ‘you need more training’ ‘what if something terribly unlikely happens?’” I groaned at I threw myself back onto Nesta and Cassian’s shared bed. The female was perched at the top, legs tucked underneath herself, watching me with a sly expression.

“It’s because he likes you,” Nesta teased, a knowing smile making its way onto her face.

I flipped myself over and bit my bottom lip, failing at controlling my smile. “I know,” I said dreamily, I could feel my face heat as I thought of the shadowsinger. “But that’s another thing, he likes me, I know he does. But he’s also distant, not physically but emotionally. He’s holding back from me and I don’t know why. Like go king! Give me nothing!”

Nesta laughed as she slid onto her stomach as well, face close to mine, “That’s just how these Illyrians are. They only want love if it’s torture.”

I rolled my eyes at her words, “What did you read that in a book or something?”

“Or something,” she smirked and I chuckled at response shaking my head. “I can’t help you with your love sick yet sickeningly distant Az but in terms of putting you in the field; talk to Rhys. Tell him that you feel more than ready to have a mission of your own.”

I groaned, sneaking around Az didn’t feel right. I wanted him to see me, see what I’m capable of and want me by his side. “Okay,” I said while I picked at my nails. I peaked at the female and she gave me a pointed look, “Okay!” This time I spoke with more conviction. Standing up I stamped my foot with my hands on my hips “I am going to talk to him,” I turned my head to glance out the window, night had taken over the sky, “tomorrow morning.”

It was Nestas turn to groan, her face fell into the bed as she shook her head, “Your just as bad as Azriel.”

“Come on. It’s late, he’s probably in bed. Plus last time I went to him this late…” I shuddered. Nesta just laughed, obviously recalling the story of me winnowing into Rhys’ office and seeing my high lord and high lady in a… compromising position. “Alright,” I stretched, “I’m going home, don’t wait for me at training. I’ll see Rhys bright and early!”

Her face held mock conviction as she nodded once. I just laughed and leaned over to press a loving kiss to the females head, “Bye!!!!” I sang as I channeled Rhys from afar and winnowed myself home.

I was offered a room at the House of Wind and I stayed there most nights but I still kept my cottage. With the egregious checks Rhys wrote me every month I could afford my own little castle but this was home. A new fae had moved in next door, a very nice one, and the corner was cozier than ever before. Also with Az away, the house of wind felt… colder; I needed the warmth of my space.

I went through my night routine; stripping the leathers I had grown accustomed to wearing, cleaning my hair and skin, and climbing into bed with a shirt that Azriel definitely knew was missing. As I laid I contemplated what I would say to Rhys, he has said he thought I was ready but he still backed up Azriel. I shook my head, deciding I couldn’t wait until morning.

Rhys, I whispered into his mind. Channeling his power I was able to slip past his barriers, something he was truly disturbed to find out I could do. Rhys, I tried again a little louder when he didn’t answer.

Stop using my power against me, he spoke, frustration clear. I hate when you do that.

I giggled into his mind, finding out that mental barriers don’t work against me was a pleasant surprise for me and a source of grief for Rhys. Powers are connected to emotions so the more passionate I made someone the more control I could take over their magic. I need to talk to you.

It can’t wait? I’m… busy. I knew exactly what he meant and shivered as war flash backs played in my brain.

Ewwww, I ragged. I suppose it can. I turned in my bed, making myself comfy.

The silence didn’t last long, Never mind, Nyx just woke. What do you need Y/n?

I paused, a hundred persuasive and graceful ways to ask came to the forefront but I chose succinctness. I want to go on a mission.

He paused, from inside his mind I could hear the wheels turning but out of respect for his privacy I cast my glance away. Waiting until Az is out of town, are you trying to get me in trouble?

No! I just… I’m ready. There was nothing else to say, I’m ready. I know it, Rhys knows it, everyone in this circle knows it; it’s time for me to prove it.

I heard him click his tongue, thinking of how to deny me nicely. I filled his head with my disappointment, my hurt from being consistently passed over. A sigh was heard, and I felt his conviction break.

Okay, I have an idea. See me in the morning.

I didn’t let my excitement slip into his mind but I’m sure he heard it in my voice, Okay, okay! Perfect. I’ll see you!

I disconnected from him and rolled over, giggling into my pillow and kicking lightly under my blanket. I wondered what Rhys had planned, I tried not to let my imagination get me too excited but as I fell into rest depictions of other courts circled my mind.

-

Azriel landed in the training ring with a swift silence. His leathers were glistening in the sun, clean and shiny. He picked up the habit of cleaning them before returning right around the time you started spending nights in the House of Wind. The thought of you seeing him covered in blood unsettled him, he knew deep down you wouldn’t truly care but he wanted to protect you nonetheless.

His bright eyes scanned the ring; priestesses, Valkyrie’s, and a very loud Cassian controlled the space. No you.

She’s not here, his shadows informed him. Upon further prompting his shadows informed him that you weren’t at home, or with Rhys. His eyebrows knitted with confusion as he continued to glance around. It wouldn’t be the first time you skipped training, he pictured the time he caught you tucked into a high-end dress store when you were meant to be in the ring.

He was prepared to take to the skies, ready to find where you were hiding before his brother cut him off, “Az, honey! Not even a hello?” Cass was walking toward him with a natural ease and he couldn’t help rolling his eyes.

“Hello brother,” was all he offered. His voice was void of emotion but his heart was full, coming home to family was always enjoyable. Especially after spending time in the dark tunnels of the Hewn City, seeing someone with a smile on their face was appreciated.

Cass wrapped strong arms around Az’s shoulders, holding him tight. Azriel just returned the favor with two quick taps on his back under his wings.

“I need to go find Y-“ he didn’t make it through his sentence before Cassian cut him off.

“You need to come see these priestesses,” with an arm around Az’s shoulder he led him further into the ring. “We’ve got six more priestesses picking up swords, we have a little battalion on our hands.”

Az lightly smiled and nodded, letting his brother lead him. He figured you could have the day off, you deserve it. You had been doing amazing, you were a quick learner; swift, light on your feet, and knew how to finish strong. Your fighting coupled with your power, you would be daunting in the felid; when you were ready… when he was ready to let you be ready.

Az knew you would hold your on, connecting to his power you would be the assets he always needed but he wanted to protect you, keep you safe from that part of his life as long as he could.

The better part of the morning and early afternoon were spent with the priestesses. Helping them with their swordsmanship, correcting techniques and giving confidence where it was needed. Cass and Az felt something like pride as the watched the females taking back the power that was stolen from them. With training behind them the boys gathered around the island in the extravagant kitchen, chatting with Emerie, Gwyn, and Nesta about the progress being made. You stayed in the back of Azriel’s mind, not being at training and not showing up as the day pushed on. He tried to keep cool about it, you were sensible and strong and he didn’t need to keep you on a leash, but with training 3 hours behind him his hands started to itch at the lack of your presence. His attentive shadows kept him updated, you still weren’t at your house or any of Rhys’.

“So where’s Y/n?” He asked, trying to remain casual as he leaned forward, bracing his arms on the stone island. Lunch had came and went without a word from you. Gwyn’s eyes widened for a fraction of a a second but Emerie quickly pulled her into conversation pertaining to their upcoming book club. Weird.

Nesta just pursed her lips and shrugged coolly, a light shake of her head accompanying the motion. Cassian on the other hand was staring into the tea he that had suddenly became very interesting. That was weirder. If Cass didn’t know he would’ve came up with some witty remark like, ‘she probably found a hot male with emotional maturity’ or ‘she has your account information, probably running you into the ground.’

He stalked a little closer to his brother, Cass just dipped his head further towards his cup. Az bit his cheek, thanking the mother for his brothers inability to keep a secret or produce a good lie.

Az wrapped a wing around his brothers form and dipped down too, “If you put your nose any further into that cup, you’ll drown.”

“Huh? Oh!” Cass laughed as he stood up straighter. He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders, trying to gain some semblance of confidence. Nesta gave him a look and he turned away quickly, unfortunately for him he turned directly toward Az. The only thing he could do was offer a nervous smile.

Az returned the favor with a saccharine grin, got him. “Where is she Cass?”

“Who?” He asked dumbly. He clenched his fist to keep from slapping his face, he was under the fire of his brothers gaze and he was choking. Az just raised his eyebrows and gave him a pointed look. “Oh, Y/n. Pfft I don’t-“ he tried to do what Nesta did, pout his lips and shrug coolly. He didn’t look cool. “I don’t know. Where is she Nesta?” His voice suddenly carried a faux confusion as he turned to his mate, attempting to take attention off of himself.

Nesta glared, “I. Don’t. Know,” she bit out through gritted teeth. Cass gulped, knowing no matter how this ended he was screwed. He just nodded, humming at her before turning to Az, offering up another lame shrug.

Az looked between the two for a second before glancing over at the other two fae. Their conversation had stopped to take in the scene, at the instant of Azriel’s eyes they quickly turned away and began speaking again.

Az just nodded, the picture of calm. Cassian gulped yet again, he knew he was the weakest link and that Azriel would press him specifically for information. Cassian’s fears were confirmed when the sick smile returned to Az’s face and a firm hand was placed on his shoulder. “Cassian,” Az’s voice was low, slow, “Where is she?” The calmness and gentleness of his words sent a shiver down Cassian’s spine.

“I don’t know, truly,” he was folding. Nesta shook her head before placing it in the arms that were folded across the counter. “She was begging and she wouldn’t let up. Said she was super determined and no wasn’t a viable answer so Rhys caved, sent her on a mission this morning.”

“Good gods,” slipped from Nestas lips. Hand braced on her shaking forehead as she looked into the distance, questioning the mother.

“What?” Az’s grip turned to iron and his brother cringed at the force. He looked between the four in the kitchen, everyone knew. Everyone knew and wanted to keep it from him, if he wasn’t losing his mind he might feel bad.

Nothing else was said, there was nothing left to say, Azriel’s pace was rushed as he pushed through the balcony doors and into the sky.

“Azriel,” Rhys breathed. If the frustration wasn’t clear in his voice, it showed in the way his hands slid down his face.

“Rhys,” he pressed, “I know I just- she just needs more time.” Rhys shook his head at his brothers words, disagreeing. He knew if it were up to Az you would never leave the safety of Velaris. “How would you feel if it was Feyre?” Az’s pushing earned him a growl.

“If you remember, it was Feyre. I had to let her fight far before she was ready. Even so, Y/n is leagues ahead of Feyre.” Az shook his head now, desperately trying to find the words to convince his brother. “If we keep her stagnant any longer the poor female will become destitute.” Azwas quickly becoming hysterical, you meant so much to him and putting you in the line of fire… Hot angry tears pooled on his bottom lash despite his best efforts to keep them at bay, continuing to shake his head as he began clenching his fist. He was fighting so desperately to take control of this situation but Rhys was hard headed and determined to try out his new toy.

“It’s not going to be easy, it will never be easy dealing with the possibility of your mate getting hurt. But if you’re just going to coddle her then what’s the point of bringing her into this circle? She is smart, and strong, let her prove it.”

Az let out a chopped breath. It was his turn to bring his hands to his face, shamefully hiding the tears Rhys was already aware of. He didn’t speak for a moment, pondering. When he brought her in he had to admit he didn’t think of this. He saw it as an excuse to have her close, bring her into the family and keep her around. But after getting close to her, learning her, loving her, he didn’t care anymore. He wanted to keep her hidden from the dark world he had come to know so well. He wished she was offered a different position even though her powers were an amazing defensive and offensive asset; he never wanted to use it.

He shook his head one more time, “I just need more time.” His pleading voice broke and Rhys softened at the sound. All he’s ever wanted for his brother was to feel that earth shattering love like the one he felt for Feyre. How could he tell him those fears were invalid? That they don’t have basis? They’re wrong? He couldn’t and when Az let out one more shaky, “Please, brother,” he couldn’t say no.

Azriel landed in front of the river house with a thud, no shadowy elegance and no preternatural silence. His heightened emotions pushed all of that out of the way to make room for his task; find Rhys, kill Rhys.

He stomped through the house, making his presence and his anger known. He didn’t bother to knock on Rhys’ office door, just blowing it wide open. His high lord sat in his large leather chair while his high lady was perched on the edge of the desk, engaged in loving conversation.

The slamming doors caught their attention as Azriel stopped short of Rhys’ desk, growling his name.

“I figured you’d show up here soon enough, do you have your mission report?” Rhys was calm as he leaned back in his chair, observing Azriel and his pristine leathers and contorted face. Az wanted to stick his eyes and shake Rhys until his head fell off.

“You know that’s not why I’m here,” his voice was low as he struggled to form a sentence and not a fist.

“Oh?” Rhys feigned innocence and Azriel’s grip slipped, fists taking place at his side. “Why are you here then brother?”

A low scoff made its way out, Azriel had to look away to collect the parts of him he could. He didn’t want to play this stupid back and forth game, he wanted to find you. Blowing up on Rhys wouldn’t do anything good for him so he bit out his next words, “My mate. Where is she?”

“Ah, yes.” Rhys just nodded as he continued to look Azriel up and down, sizing how far he could push him. Feyre on the side held a confused face as she tried to decipher the situation. Azriel’s mate? How would Rhys know where she is? A low growl reverberated through Az and his brother just clicked his tongue in response. “She’s fine Az, please-“

Azriel cut him off, walking closer to brace his hands on the desk, “I told you she wasn’t ready. She needed more time to-“

It was Azriel’s turn to get cut off as he held up a hand, “No. You said you weren’t ready. You said you needed time. I gave you time, that times up.”

Az growled again, hands gripping the desk with so much force the wood under his hands groaned. His eyes were wild and his face displayed so much fury Feyre thought he might jump over it and tear into Rhys. “Az…” she said tentatively.

“Did you know?” He looked at her accusingly, not being able to hold his rage back from her. Her eyes widened and she brought a hand to her heart, her hair slid over her shoulder as she shook it back and forth.

“Know what Az? You found your mate? That’s amazing, I-“ Feyre tried to lighten the mood, choosing to focus on the good parts of the conversation.

Az rolled his eyes away from her and back to his brother. “Yes, I did find her.” His eyes held his brothers in challenge, Rhys didn’t back down but Az would either. “It’s a shame though, Rhys seems adamant on getting her killed.” He leaned in slightly, baring his teeth on the last word.

The thought of you out there, alone, in a potentially dangerous situation made his brain fog. His whole body twitched; desperate to tear apart the entirety of Pyrthian until he found you. Deep down he knew his feelings were irrational, Rhys wouldn’t send you somewhere dangerous for your first mission, solo to boot. He knew that you were fierce in your fighting technique. He knew that the reservoir of powers you could access made you one of, if not the most, powerful fae in Pyrthian. He knew you didn’t need him to protect or guard you and that you wanted this. Knowing all of those things doesn’t make it any easier though.

“She’s not- Az please,” Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, trying to will away the headache his brother was giving him. “Feyre, baby, give us a moment.”

She just nodded, eyes still examining Az as if she’d find her answer written on his face. She leaned into the kiss Rhys placed on her forehead before moseying out of the office. Rhys pushed himself away from the desk and to the large couch in his office. He grabbed two glasses and the decanter off the liquor cart before sitting down. Az watched silently as he poured two neat glasses of whiskey and sipped one while offering the other.

When Az didn’t move he sat the other glass down and stared at it before saying, “She’s in no danger brother. But you might want to have a drink before I tell you where she is.”

Az’s hands returned to fists and he just stared, zeroed in on Rhys like a deadly predator. Rhys rolled his eyes and gestured to the spot on the couch next time, insinuating he wouldn’t speak until Az at least sat down. Begrudgingly he followed his brothers instructions though sitting down didn’t display any comfort as he was still rigid.

Rhys just watched his brother, looking at him as if the right way to inform him of his mate’s whereabouts would be written on his skin somewhere. The stare only unnerved Az, his skin started to prickle at the attention he was receiving and his vague patience was slipping.

He took a deep breath before grabbing the drink, downing it in one go. It didn’t help his nerves but he let out a sigh anyway before turning back, “Where is she?” His voice was calmer now, the anger was replaced with desperation, exhaustion.

Rhys let out a sigh too, leaning back he stared for a moment longer. “She’s in the day court, where she will remain for the next month and a half.” Az’s eyes widened and with furrowed eyebrows he insisted Rhys go on, “After that she will spend a month and a half in dawn, then winter, summer, and possibly autumn. I’ve spoken with Eris but I’m not entirely sure if we’ll be able to slip her in past Beron.”

Az shook his head, trying to grasp the information being given to him. “Wait you sent her through the courts? For the next 8 months? Why?”

“More training,” he leveled a look at Az whose face still displayed confusion. “Apparently what we’re doing here isn’t enough, so she will train with our closest allies. Learn all new powers along the way and techniques even we don’t have. By the time she comes back, even you will think she’s ready.”

Azriel shot up, hands coming to slide down his face has he passed around the low table. You were gone? For potentially 7.5 months? This was wrong, so so wrong. You should be here, by his side where he can see to it that you get the training you need. The thought of someone else, potentially another male, training you… his skin felt hot to the touch.

“Rhys! I don’t- what do you mean?” He stopped pacing in front of his brother, he wanted to scream, tear him a new one but he felt too manic to focus on that now. “So she’s just gone? For months?! I don’t- how could you do this!”

Rhys poured Az another glass as he spoke, “What was I supposed to do Az? You were safe guarding her to the point it was damn near suffocating. She just wanted to do something, to feel like her time was productive-“

“It was productive!” Az cut in, “She was with me! I was training her! Sending her away like that- what if someone finds about her powers? Do you know what other courts would do to get their hands on her?!”

“Yes Az,” Rhys spoke in a tried tone, being able to tell this conversation wasn’t going to cool down anytime soon. “She knows, she’s safe guarding her powers. She won’t use them in training, just learning other courts techniques and studying their powers to bring back here and implement.”

Az scoffed and shook his head, resuming his pacing. He wasn’t convinced, there was worry and anger, and longing taking up all the space for rationality. “She just wanted to get out there, you know she’s never left Velaris?”

Az’s eyes flew to Rhys’ at the question. “Of course I know,” he bit out. He knew everything about you, everything you were willing to offer him. Late nights spent in your room- at a respectful distance- gave way to room for life stories. You indulged in your early life, family, friends, love history, hobbies, likes and dislikes. He kept it all stored away in meticulous detail, committing everything you’ve ever said to him in perfect memory. You vulnerability inspired him, encouraged him to do the same and bare his soul to you. He told you everything, except for one, or maybe two things. He was safe guarding the bond, not wanting it to influence your decision. He wanted you to choose him because you wanted to choose him, not because you thought you had too.

Rhys hummed, nodding. “Well, she wasn’t going to stop until I gave her something. She’s safe and she’s happy and she’ll be back in no time.”

Azriel rolled his eyes at his brothers hypocrisy, he would be beside himself if Feyre left for that long. He moved toward the door with determination, he was going to find you. He needed to tell you that he was sorry, you didn’t have to run or sneak behind his back. He would tell you what he knew was true and promise not to hold you back anymore. “No you won’t,” Rhys cleaved through his thoughts. “One visitation permit was issued from the courts, Im sure they wouldn’t appreciate my spy sleuthing around. Not to mention how she’d feel about it.”

Az growled at that, cutting his brother a loathsome glare before slamming the doors once again behind him. Rhys just sighed, leaning back and polishing off the drink Az didn’t finish.

-

No time, that was bullshit. The months passed like years and Azriel swears he could’ve lived multiple lives in the time you were gone. He wasn’t himself, out of step, out of sync. It was kinda crazy, he lived so long without you and after just a few hours of knowing you were gone he reverted to a shell of himself.

Some days he barely tried to train, moving through the sessions like a phantom. Other days he laid his hurt bare, taking it out on Cassian until his brother had to tell him ‘no more.’

Work wasn’t able to distract him, he had been on one mission since your departure. Rhys refused to let him go, claiming he was too frazzled to focused. Despite knowing its truth Az tried to disagree, he ended up losing train of thought half way through the conversation, proving Rhys’ point.

You had sent letters, 3 came at least twice a month. One to Rhys, giving updates on where she was and how training was going. One to Nesta, the two had grown close in her time training with the inner circle. One to Azriel, it was similar to Rhys’, she was giving life updates and telling him wonderful stories. Azriel wanted to answer, truly, but the longer he thought the more he realized he had nothing to say. You were having so much fun, meeting wonderful people, exploring new powers, and seeing Pyrthian like you always wanted. He was ashamed by the fact that if it was up to him, you wouldn’t have gone. He sat down to write how sorry he was, how excited for you he was, how he wished he could see it all with you but his letters only made it as far as the fire. He was convinced you were angry with him, that’s why you left while he was gone. He read and reread every letter so much they were a crumpled mess in his hands, some terrible part of him convinced him they were pity letters. His fears were “confirmed” when his letters stopped halfway through the third month.

He was a bit surprised when around the middle of the fourth month he felt talons tapping on his mental shield, far more polite that Rhys has ever been. He opened his shield just enough to let you in, not far enough for anything other than communication.

Hi Azriel, your voice rang through him like a church bell. He shivered at the pleasant invasion, unwittingly letting the rest of his walls down from you. His subconscious wanted you everywhere, invading every part of him, committing all of him to memory.

Hello, Y/n. He hated how timid his voice sounded. But he couldn’t help it, talking to you made him nervous, especially after ghosting your letters.

He heard you sigh into his mind and he couldn’t help himself but duplicate the sound. Hearing your voice, feeling your essence, provided much needed relief.

I’ve missed you, he spoke in his mind. The words came out as a soft whisper, tentative and unsure.

Yea? I could tell by the way you ignored all my letters. He cringed at your words, your tone was joking but he didn’t miss the thinly veiled frustration. He was silent; not sure how to respond or if he even could. His remorse flooded his head and you surely caught on, based on the way you quickly spoke again. I’m sorry, shouldn’t have-

No, he cut you off. You’re right, I should’ve responded. I just wasn’t- I didn’t know what to say. I was- I still am ashamed.

It was your turn to be silent. If he stilled his mind he swears he could feel you nodding. Your questioning voice came through, You think I shouldn’t have gone?

I thought that. But I’ve read your letters, the ones to me and the ones Rhys gave me access too. Your progress is… you couldn’t have achieved what you are now if I kept you hidden.

You were silent, Azriel could feel the contemplation. After a couple beats you spoke again. I’m sorry.

Don’t apologize, ever.

You waited before speaking again, But I am sorry. It felt wrong leaving the way I did, like I was sneaking behind your back. I didn’t even get to tell you goodbye.

Azriel chuckled lightly out loud. It’s a good thing though, I probably wouldn’t have let you go.

Oh yeah? You laugh. What would you have done? Restrain me? Your voice held a playful edge that excited something in Azriel. The lower end of his stomach began to twist and he had to control himself with you still in his mind.

It was his shadows that spoke next, let her see. Their encouragement drew back the curtain of self control and he opened his mind deeper for you. He let you into the fantasies of restraining you with his shadows. Covering your vision with wisps of darkness, blurring your senses to ensure touch was heightened.

He showed you how he would be slow, take his time with you. How he would push your body to absolute extremities, take you to your peak over and over before cradling your exhausted body. You were silent as you witnessed his eagerness, his willingness to give you all the pleasure your body could handle. He heard you let loose a breath, If I knew that’s what you’d do to me I would’ve left a lot sooner.

A dry chuckle left Az’s lips, Then perhaps your punishment should be to withhold such treatment. His smirk was evident in his voice, and you gasped out a laugh at the mention of what had become an inside joke.

You’re a tease! You shrieked down the mental bond and Azriel laughed freely.

Az stayed connected with you late into the night, speaking of pretty much anything under the sun, or in this case the moon. He talked until your voice slowed down and became soft hums of acknowledgment. Eventually your presence in his mind was peaceful, calm; the proof of your sleep

-

3 weeks.

10 days.

4 hours.

15 minutes.

The time that had dragged its feet through sand was now moving at a lively pace. It was by no means quick, you had still taken your time coming back. But with daily mental communication, daily mental flirtation, having only minutes between the two of you Azriel felt his skin buzz. His wings moved on their own, display his anticipation for the world.

Az had woken up early… earlier than usual. The sun was teasing the horizon, threatening to spill its light across the mostly sleeping city. Azriel couldn’t help the coy smile as he greeted the morning happily. Little tasks had kept his body busy as his brain counted down the minutes of your arrival. Shower, train, shower again, morning flight, cleaning, bureaucratic busy work, trip to the shops, following Cassian around for a couple hours. Azriel couldn’t sit down, if he did his leg would bounce and he would be up again in seconds.

But here he was, smoothing the already smooth leathers as he waited “casually” in the greeting room of the river house. He had cleaned up your room in the HoW when you left but he took to dusting it, changing your sheets, and adding fresh and fragrant flowers to liven up the space.

5 minutes, his shadows whispered as they danced around his ears. They reflected their masters eagerness, also unable to sit still and be patient.

You hadn’t connected with him today, most likely too busy getting your affairs in order. Azriel didn’t mind though, it added to his anticipation. For the first time in what could be ever he felt like a kid, bouncing around the room with an insatiable excitement brewing below.

Azriel rubbed his rough hands together and made eye contact with his shoes, a heavy breath left his lips and suddenly it felt stagnant. Everything stopped.

Seconds turned to hours as his head turned upwards. For a moment everything stoped, the world was lost to Azriel as he finally saw you. The sounds of the room became slow and muffled and the only sound was a soft song. A light airy melody, a beautiful blend of bells and chimes. A sweet sound made only by your presence.

The air finally left his mouth and the world returned to normal, time picked up and everything was moving again. The shadows that carried you in dissipated and the ground shook with the bellows of his family.

Cassian was first to reach you, spinning you around like a doll. He barely has time to put you down before Nesta latched on and mumbled something only you could hear. Feyre greeted you with a smile and open arms, Rhys extended a hand that you took firmly. Elaine and Amren gave welcome to your presence and suddenly it was Arziel’s turn. Even his shadows beat him to you, circling every inch- noting every tiny change within you, all the things that didn’t show though your voice in his mind every night. The lines created from muscle, the natural lightness added to your hair that only comes from saltwater and direct sunlight, the clear and unmistakable scent of raw power. Every little thing was reported back to him, the way each minuscule movement of yours was silent, the advanced lightness of each step that brought you closer, the disciplined posture you now carried. Then there was the perceptive glint in your eye, one that seemed to bore into his skin, one that traced every cell and tendon in his biology; tracking his synapses and learning his bones. One that tore apart his soul and memorized it.

“Azriel,” Your greeting was clean and simple; and it almost brought him to his knees. He steadied himself with a breath and clenched the fists that wanted to reach for you. Not yet. Not here.

“Welcome home Y/n,” all the courage that made a warrior was used as he held your eyes. You were still you, still the same female he devoted each waking thought to. But you now held an edge, a deadly aura that put even him off. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve learned.”

You smiled, all of your venom hidden behind perfect, pearly structures. “I can’t wait to show you.”

Your long awaited return was celebrated with dinner, drinks, and the promise of putting your skills to the test at first light. You celebrated and mingled, held your drink dutifully but didn’t take a single sip. Your months of watching your own back and the crippling paranoia that you would be made kept you from inebriation. Not to mention you wanted to be at your best when you displayed yourself. You casually turned in early, leaving the festivities to the ones who actually indulged. You took to setting your room up in a way only self preservation would justify. Weapons were hidden all around your space, a habit from being in enemy territory with no back up. You had to be ready for anything at any time, being caught off guard would be the difference between life and death. Once you felt confident in your new arrangements you climbed into bed, channeling Azriel’s shadows to watch you in your sleep.

-

I awoke before the sun, prepping myself in fighting leathers and a clean hairstyle. My go bag was packed and placed at the foot of the bed where it could be grabbed on the way out. It was full of all the weapons I had grown accustomed to using. Most of it was basic, knives, sabers, and folding spears. There were also more elaborate weapons unique to the courts I spent time in; light directors, specific for centralizing the power of light from the day court. Loch detonators, a device that turns powered water into intense explosives. The collection was impressive but most of it would prove to be useless today, I planned on taking the boys in hand-to-hand combat.

I pushed open the window of my room before climbing out. Scaling the monstrous house, I jumped and grabbed all the edges that would lead me to the roof. The roof was hipped into a long line, on that I ascend and landed at the apex. One foot balanced on the line while the other crossed over my bent knee. My hands stretched out on either side, keeping my center of gravity directly over the line.

The cold dusk air heightened every sense as I let loose. Thoughts escaped as my perfectly poised body found peace, my steady breath the only tether to the earth. With my mind clear and body at ease I was able to connect with every part of myself, honing every part of me for battle. After an hour of meditation I stood up and began to move. To any onlooker it would look like I’m dancing on the roof not partaking in an ancient practice of energetic redirection. I came across the art of Tai Chi in my time spent in the summer court, a friend I had made took me to her village on the southern edge and though it is a closed practice one of the elders agreed to teach the basics. I had also managed to find some scrolls on the subject in Helion’s vast library and continued my training. Now it was part of my daily exercise; balance my mind, body, and energy.

Nearly two hours and passed before I left the roof, opting to winnow in and grab my bag before making my way to the training ring. Cassian and Az were there, preparing for the day with calisthenics.

“Good morning angel,” Cassian greeted with the trademark smile that comes before saying something stupid. “Done dancing on the roof?”

I looked to your feet as a smile creeped onto my face, “Yea, ready to dance with you now.”

“Ohh, we’ll see about that,” Cassian’s face was smug but I kept smiling nonetheless. It made sense, he had no reason not to be. He’s perfectly unaware of what I’ve learned and what I’ve taught myself. Azriel on the other had looked calculating, like he was trying to note all the ways I’ve changed. His gaze was piercing, like he could figure out all I’ve learned just by looking at me. He knows all of my experiences, everywhere I was at any given time but my training was not something we had discussed in detail.

“What about you Azriel?” I tilted your head as I looked him up and down. Blatant and greedy, not even trying to hide my hunger. He had opted to train shirtless this morning, something whispered that it was a subtly attempt to distract me. “You ready to dance with me?”

Azriel smirked, stalking closer as he continued to tape his knuckles. “Hmph,” he matched my actions, eyes taking over the way your lean body contorted under my leathers. “I was born ready for you.”

I felt my body rise a hundred degrees and his words and gaze, I wanted to jump on him the same way I did in our shared visions. But I kept my composure, he was trying to rile me up. “I sure hope you mean that.” one finger made its way to his arm, tracing the tattoos there until it met the glove on his hand. I grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles in a light teasing fashion. His nostrils flared as I looked up at him through l lashes. “Because Id want nothing more than a go at you.”

He opened his mouth but was cut off by his brother, “Good morning! I hope you’re all ready because I know I am.” Rhys strolled over with Feyre, Amren, and Mor in tow. He rubbed his hands together in a gesture that showed excitement before shoving them in his pockets.

“I hope you’re ready for a show,” Cass spoke as he stretched one last time, “Y/n plans to dance.” I just smiled in response, Rhys raised a brow and his eyes shone. He was the one receiving daily briefings. I had connected with him and let him see some of my work through my eyes. Some. The rest I kept safeguarded, waiting until this moment to show them off. Since I were essentially stealing the powers I was exposed to I didn’t have anyone to train me in their use, normally that would put me at a disadvantage but Rhys changed my outlook on that. Since I hadn’t been taught how to use them I was never put in a box, never limited to what everyone else thought was possible. I could experiment with the powers I encountered, come up with my own ways to use them, and create different techniques than those normally seen. The magic belonged to others but when I used them, the powers were wholly mine.

“Okay Y/n, who do you want to dance with first? Cassian or Azriel?” Rhys asked, the knowingly look on his face was obvious. He knew what I would say, and I wasn’t in the mood to disappoint.

“Aww, I can’t have both?” I pouted lightly, turning from Rhys to the other parts of the trio, “I’ve always wanted to take on brothers.” The tease in my voice lit a double meaning behind the words. Cass snorted and Az just ducked his head and shook it side to side, even so I could still see the small smile on his lips.

“Well what are we waiting for?” Cass said clasping his hands, “I’m in the wish granting business sweetheart.” I just nodded simply as I pursed my lips, looking them up and down once more before grabbing my bag and heading to the far end of the ring. As I was wrapping my own knuckles Nesta came over with a water bottle meant for me.

“Thanks honey,” I smiled as I took the water. “Promise you won’t hate me if I bang your mate up a bit?”

Nesta laughed, “Hate you? Baby I’ll thank you. That male needs humbled.” We both chuckled at that statement as I finished with my hands. “What weapon are you going to use?” Nesta asked as I shuffled around my bag. I hummed before pulling out a small fan and sheath to keep it in. The fan looked like any other handheld fan except instead of fabric it was made of metal that weren’t fixed, meaning they could move if struck. “This,” I smiled, strapping the fan to the outside of my thigh.

“Just that?” Nesta questioned, I nodded in response. Honestly it was a lie, I had no plans to use the fan, at least not as a weapon. I pulled it for show, it would be decoy used to distract and throw off the boys. The fan wasn’t wholly useless though, I picked up different ways to turn it into a weapon when wielded skillfully. It would be too cocky to walk in there with absolutely nothing and as much as I wanted to, I knew Cass wouldn’t recover from the ego hit he would take if I acted like I knew I could beat him with my bare hands; even if that was the plan. She tilted her head before humming as well, “What exactly did you learn out there?”

I just smiled, “I can show you better than I can tell you.” I winking before turning away from her, facing the ring to show that I was ready. I heard a whoop sound come from my friend as she made her way over to join the rest of the peanut gallery.

Cassian had chosen twin broad swords, something that would look comical in the hands of a human looked normal with the giant fae. Az had nothing in his hands but there were multiple daggers lining his pants, still no shirt. I would make sure he regretted that.

“Alright,” Rhys said bringing attention to himself “no need for idle chatter or pointless speeches, begin!”

And with that I stepped completely into the ring, focus trained on the warriors in front of me as the rest of the world disappeared. I couldn’t stop the dangerous smirk that snuck onto my lips, “Let’s dance.”

A/n: don’t hate me!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to update. I was waking up at 12 then working from 3-11 and crashing when I got home. I work on a crisis unit so that shit is madddd draining, emotionally and physically. I felt like I had nothing left to put into my writing :/ but I finally switched to 3rd shift and for nearly my entire shift I don’t have to do anything but be there so I can write at work and I have more of my day open to relax and recharge. I’m sorry I had to split this into 3 parts but this just got so long and if I would’ve kept writing it would’ve straight up been a book. But I promise part 3 will not take as long to come out. Maybe not this weekend but soon! Anyways if you made it this far I LOVE YOU, thank you so much for giving me and my stories your time :)

Masterlist

[starlahuskyz]

Chances - Chapter 13

Summary: After waking up, Jordan speaks with her parents. And after minor vampire business in the basement, the boys properly introduce themselves. And Marko and Jordan's relationship is questioned.

I felt motivated enough to write the next chapter sooner than later. Sorry if this part feels short, the next one will expand on this chapter.

Chapter 12 <<< >>> Chapter 14

TW//Murder ment. Blood

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The sun is fully down by the time Jordan gets up, and to her surprise, the boys are all still sleeping. Except for David, who is nowhere to be found. Jordan sits up in her bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes and she soon feels the pang of hunger in her stomach. She hasn’t eaten anything recently. “David must’ve gone to eat…” She thinks. She then hears a yawn come from Paul and he mumbles something at Marko who just growls and nuzzles into his neck further. Jordan reaches for a coin in her pocket and chucks it at Marko which is enough to startle him awake.

“Morning sleepyhead, you know where David went?” Jordan stands up from her bed.

“Mmmm…nope.” Marko unlatches from Paul and lets go of the pipe to stand on his own two feet. “Didn’t even know he left.”

“He probably got early night munchies, I’m sad he didn’t invite us though.” Paul says, still hanging from his spot. “Dwaaayne, can we go get something to eat?” He cranes his neck to look at the vampire who is still laying on the mattress seemingly in no rush to go anywhere.

Dwayne rolls over and looks at him for a minute before saying “Piss off and let me sleep.” He resumes his original sleeping position while Paul unlatches from his spot looking offended.

“Fine, then imma sleep with you until you're ready to get up.” Paul joins him on the mattress while he groans exasperatedly.Jordan and Marko look at each other and chuckle lightly.

Jordan realizes that she’s gonna have to confront her parents, so she heads for the stairs but stops after hearing Marko follow her like a puppy. She stops and turns around putting a hand on his chest keeping him from moving any further.

“Stay here, I don’t know what my parent’s stance is right now. I will tell you if you can come up. Just, stay here.” Marko feels a little sad, but he agrees and backs away leaving her to go. As she goes up the stairs, he goes to her bed and lays down on it. He relishes her scent still lingering on it, he reaches for the pillow and hugs it as if he were hugging her. He purrs slightly before Paul interrupts, “If you love that pillow so much why don’t you kiss it?” Marko chucks the pillow at him causing him to cackle. “Shut up. I’m getting there.” Marko rolls over so he can avoid looking at him. He really does feel like his relationship with her will blossom, and he's sure the boys believe it too.

---------

The dining table was filled with tension and curiosity coming from Jordan’s parents while she sat in a chair thinking about what to say. Everything last night happened so fast that she had to be careful when choosing her words.

“Alright, I know you’re mad and confused. But let me start by saying that everything that happened was not my fault…but I’m still sorry about what happened.” She shrunk down in her seat as she genuinely was worried about what her parents were going to say. 

Both of her parents looked at each other and then back at their incredibly distressed daughter, then her mother spoke first. “Listen Jordan, me and your father have been thinking-”

“Are you kicking me out?!?!?! Jordan sprung up from her chair knocking it over looking terrified. “Man I knew I fucked up big time! I should’ve tossed their asses out as soon as I-”

“SHUT YOUR YAPPING AND LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!” Her father slammed his fist down on the table while her mother just sighed. Jordan collected herself and fixed up her chair finally taking a seat again.

“Okay firstly, I’m not kicking you out so relax. What I wanted to say was that me and your father wanted to talk to your ‘friends’.” Jordan releases a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.

“But just know, if I don’t like these guys-” His wife nudges him and he corrects himself “I mean if WE don’t like your friends, then we either want them gone. Or if you like them so much, then we want you out.”

Jordan lets out an audible gulp at her father’s statement, the thought of losing her only bit of humanity haunted her to her very core. She sat up straight in her chair. “I swear to you guys, they aren’t that bad. They are just…not very familial. I think. I don’t know much about them.” 

“Well, now will be your chance to learn about them. What are they up to now?” Her mother asks right on cue as they all hear shuffling and talking from the basement.

“I’ll go check on em.” Jordan gets up and looks down the stairs only to be greeted by the boys circling two random guys and they are seemingly ready to eat them. David also seems to have returned and she noticed blood on his face as he watched the feast about to go down. They all look up and her and the randos yell for her help, but she quickly slams the door back shut keeping her back turned to her parents. 

“Is everything alright?” Her mother asks. Jordan turns around and her eyes are a mix of red and yellow and she strained a smile on her face.

“Yup…all good. They were just doing something.” She leans against the door trying to avoid her vampire visage from taking over due to her hunger of blood finally getting the better of her. She could feel her parents tense up.

“You don’t look alright.” Her dad comments at the look of pain on Jordan’s face. She then feels a painful pang of hunger hit her and she folds like a paper and slides down the door and onto the floor. 

“Nope, all good here.” At that moment, they all hear blood curdling screams coming from the basement and her parents look horrified. Despite knowing she was a vampire, they’ve never seen her make a kill. So hearing what it sounded like chilled them to their cores. Jordan inhales and gets up making a decision “Excuse me, I haven’t eaten. Promise it’ll be quick.” She goes downstairs and joins the boys. She watches as they all tear their victims apart and growl at each other. Paul and Dwayne shared a body while Marko hogged one for himself. Upon seeing her enter the room, Marko looks up from his meal and while he doesn’t speak a single word, Jordan knows he’s willing to share. She caved immediately as the urge was killing her.

After a few minutes, her parents hear her come up the stairs and upon watching her enter the room they are horrified. Covered in blood and licking what was left on her fingers, she walked towards them nonchalantly. “I know this looks bad…and it is. But I promise, this won’t happen again. And I’ll lay some ground rules for the boys."

------

After the little feast that was had, all the boys were seated at the dining room table that was promptly covered in plastic so as not to get blood on the seats and table. The boys all sat politely as they waited for Jordan’s parents to speak. Her father spoke first.

“Alright, let me get something straight. I’m already on the edge of not liking you rats, so you’re all on thin ice. You all better be like Mr. Roger's kids or I’m gonna have a lot of problems with you all!” He spoke with such authority and Dwayne, Paul and Marko looked to David to see what he would say.

“Well, I'm no Mr. Rogers. I've been more considered a thief, or even a cowboy by some. But if your precious daughter tells me you guys are of no concern, then I guess I'll spare you all. I’m David by the way. Your name?” He nods in his direction.

“The name is Harold, this is Jane.” He puts a protective arm around his wife and she smiles hesitantly at David who just stares at her.

“Nice to meet ya guys, I’m Paul. Gotta say, love the house and sorry about the window thing. Dwayne has no self control.” He points to Dwayne’s stoic form with his hands neatly folded on the table. He looks at Paul and cuffs the side of his head.

“I’m Dwayne, sorry about the window. If you want I’ll fix it.” Jane looks him up and down and seemingly looks interested.

“I figured you were a handy man with that body of yours.” Dwayne perks up looking surprised at her sudden comment while Paul and Marko laugh. Jordan looks embarrassed and speaks up. “Ma! Show some restraint!” 

Harold then speaks up adding onto his wife’s comment “Why do you think she married me? I used to be just like him.” He smiled and Jordan just sank in her chair groaning while Paul was trying not to vomit from laughing and Dwayne joined in on the laughing. Hell, even David chuckled a bit. Marko scooted his chair closer to hers and slung an arm around her “Cmon, it’s funny. I see why you care for them so much.” At this, Jordan couldn’t help but smile at him. She sat up and soon the whole table went silent and both Marko and Jordan were confused. Then her dad dropped the bomb.

“Well Well Well, so that person you went out with…I think I know who it was.” He was clearly hinting at Marko who just sat like a deer in headlights. He let go of Jordan in a panic and they both turned away from each other. “Hey bud, don’t hide it. State your name and business with my daughter. I ain’t stupid.” He looked at him firmly and Marko straightened himself out.

“I’m Marko, and I’m only friends with your daughter.” David scoffs and Paul groans. 

“Liar Liar pants on fire! You know you love her. You defended her yesterday, brought her home after the holy water incident and watched her slee-” Marko slammed his fist on the table and yelled. 

“SHUT UP, PAUL! Maybe I do like her but that doesn’t mean I’m dating her.” Marko snaps. Harold and Jane both raise an eyebrow getting wary of him. If he could blush he would, then he looks at Jordan who just stares at him with a look of fear mixed with confusion.

“You watched me sleep?” She asked him.

“No! Or at least, not in a creepy way.” He puts his hands up in defense and looks to his brothers sourly before her parents speak.

“Jordan, tell me. Are you dating him?” Jordan perks up and feels anxiety creeping up her spine. She looks all around the table. Her parents look at her curiously, Paul, Dwayne and David just watch her making her even more worried. Then she looks at Marko, he starts biting his thumb anxiously awaiting her answer. Jordan thought for a moment, she knew Marko had been obsessed with her for months now. She’s given him a chance and seen that he’s treated her pretty well, hell he saved her and her parents from David’s wrath. But she didn’t know if she was ready to consider herself in a relationship with him yet. All she could think of was of her previous relationship, as much as she fought to move past the whole thing, it's biting the back of her neck still bugging her. She exhaled and everyone waited in bated breath. Jordan looked at Marko once again then back to her parents and said nothing. She answered with a single action. She simply shrugged her shoulders, because in all honesty…she didn’t even know.

Harold and Jane both sighed in unison and the boys all just sat back in their chairs. Marko just looked at Jordan and couldn’t help but feel a little hurt, he thought he was doing everything right. He put his hands on the table after giving his thumb a thorough biting. Then he felt the feather touch of something brush his hand. He looked over to see Jordan reaching towards him. Her hand kept edging towards his almost like an offering, not a single word nor sound came from her mouth during the exchange. Jordan stared at nothing in particular, but she never pulled away. Marko couldn’t help but ask her.

“Are you sure?”

She came to and finally looked at him, but still not uttering a single word. Marko flips his hand over so his palm is up, and Jordan’s hand starts moving to hover above his own. With the gentlest of movement she lowers her own and into his and turns her gaze to her own hand watching it so intensely. It’s like she’s fighting to complete the simple action, Marko could only watch as she struggled. A part of him wanted to complete the action, but he wanted her to do her part just to be sure that she wanted this. No strings attached. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she was palm to palm with him and she was finally able to intertwine her fingers into his hand and at that moment, he completed the action by doing the same. Jordan releases a breath she had been holding in, and looks Marko in the eyes. She smiles, and Marko smiles while letting out a stifled sounding laugh. Jordan looks to her parents.

“I am…” She scoots her chair closer to him and leans into his side keeping her hand locked with his. Marko leans into her and uses his free hand to hold her close. Now that he had her, he wasn’t letting her go.

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Taglist (If you wanna be tagged, just ask ^ ^)

@blog4horror @ria-coolgirl @oceansrose2002 @hypocriticaltypwriter @deliciousfestsalad

[la-principessa-nuova]

My Secret Trans Room

One of the cool things about the layout of my house is that I have a walk in closet that is extremely out of the way and pretty much safe from any guest ever going in it, and so when I say I am a closeted trans woman I mean I’m literally hiding in a closet.

It started as just a corner in this closet where I put my fem clothes and my wig, but then I started jokingly referring to it as my “girl cave” (euphemism not intended) or my “trans room”, and slowly I started wanting to make it a safe space where I can be in girl mode and feel comfortable and girly.

Back when I was trying out the name Alice, I got this cute wall decal and then never got around to updating it. To be fair I also never got around to bringing some other colors of dry erase marker downstairs, so I never got around to updating my whiteboard to be prettier.

Fun fact about that whiteboard sticker is that I had a roll of that from a project years ago and then when I started my current job, I temporarily had to work out of this closet while I waited for my new laptop to arrive (they gave me one that didn’t work with the dock I have upstairs as a placeholder but I had another dock hooked up in this room for writing that I barely ever ended up using because I never work on my book). So one day while I was working in there I got stuck on a problem and needed to work it out on a whiteboard and so I went and grabbed that roll and stuck this bit on the wall.

You can also see here the corner where I have some D20 stuff that gives up more masc energy. I didn’t want to kick it out of the room because I still like it, but I didn’t want it affecting the vibe of the room so it sits in the corner. You can also see a little bit in this picture and the next one the corner of masc shirts because my other bedroom closet doesn’t have a hanging rod so I needed to hang a few shirts in here. They’re my attempt to phase in more color to make my choice of clothes after coming out seem a little less uncharacteristic to my family.

Next up is the area where I hang my dresses and sweaters. This spot used to just be where I hung my trans flag, but as my wardrobe expanded I needed the space. I’ve also crammed my mirror and lamp in here. The lamp has to be behind the mirror because otherwise I’m in shadow when I look in the mirror. But yeah, it’s really crammed in there.

My purses are also there. I got a couple different styles to try out, also because they’re really just to complete outfits right now since I’m not going anywhere in girl mode yet.

The red and black striped sweater is a really cute cat hoodie that I wish I took a picture with while I was up taking photos. I’m in bed now, but maybe tomorrow or something I’ll put together an outfit to show off some of my cute cat stuff.

Next we have the other side of the room. In terms of decorations, we have LEGO flowers in a knock-off lego vase, Blåhaj with trans cat ears, some trans and lesbian flags, a Korok (Yahaha! You found me!), and Boggy the Froggy. If you look back to the first photo in this post, you can see Peppermint Preston and Big Blåhaj.

Oh yeah, and how can I forget the three little Dvärgtall guys next to the books? (BTW I didn’t remember the name so I googled “ikea decorative men” and it came up).

In the middle is an epic gamer sit/stand desk that I have slowly been turning into a vanity. I just got it ready to actually use, so I haven’t brought my make up in from the bathroom yet. That will go in the bins under the mirror.

Zooming in a little closer, we can see my cute acrylic tape dispenser on the left of the mirror and the unicorn diffuser on the right. I don’t buy into the essential oil pseudoscience stuff but I prefer them over chemically air fresheners and scented candles for making a room smell good. I usually diffuse rose in this room, so it always smells like a mixture of roses and new clothes.

Past the vanity, I have a couple bookshelves. This is mostly LGBT books and a few books that just look a bit girly, plus some very trans-adjacent manga. They’re partially in here to hide them so they don’t out me, but mostly just because they add to the aesthetic.

Below that I have some shoes, but not much because I don’t go outside in girl mode yet. Then I have a hanging shelf thing where I keep most of my bottoms, and next to it all of my tops.

Beyond that is what can only possibly be described as too many wigs. Of the 15 wigs, I would say that 8 are wearable and maybe 4 are something I plan on wearing depending on what style I’m going for in the near future. Some of them are obviously more for goofing around dressing up, but some are just bad wigs. The bottom right one is tangled beyond repair, but I keep it because it was my first wig that I bought the night my egg cracked.

Honorable mention to the “MAKE YOURSELF A PRETTY GIRL” box one of my wigs came in and my Sundry Sidney poster, positioned almost like a call and response.

P.S.

I went to walk back into the room to put my glasses down and the only light was the red charging light on this galaxy moon. Way creepier vibe than usual.

[intubatedangel]

Pageant Fever : Chapter 3

Story Index    

Pageant Fever: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

* * *

Lucy grabbed the foil packet from the rear pouch on the monitor, unravelling the cable before ripping the packet open to access the pads. She looked down at Zara's chest, noticing just how much sweat covered it, to the point it was forming small beads that rolled off down her side or into the valley between her breasts. Before attaching the pads, she grabbed another bag and pulled out a small towel, using to try and dry off Zara's flesh so the aed pads would get a good connection.

As she did that, Janice had rotated around to Zara's head. She did a quick visual exam to look for a head injury but found nothing noteworthy. Janice tilted the young woman’s head back and thrust her jaw forward to open her airway. Lucy saw Janice frown out the corner of her eye, then the retired medic reached for the airway bag and pulled out a manual suction device. She worked the tube on the end of it into Zara's mouth, pushing it in deep, then pulled on the handle in the centre, expanding the bellows style bulb in the centre, sucking out the foamed spittle that had collected in Zara's airway during the seizure.

Lucy peeled the plastic backing off each of the large square Quick-Combo pads, placing one just above Zara's bra, towards her right shoulder, while the other went on her left flank, between the bottom of her rib cage and her left breast. Lucy pressed them both hard, smoothing out the pads and ensuring the adhesive had a good grip. She then turned to the monitor, twisting the dial around to point at the 100J mark and pressing the button to begin the charging sequence.

Meanwhile, Janice put the suction device to the side and selected a geudel airway, inserting it backwards then rotating it into position so that the green ringed tip rested against Zara's lips. "She's barely making any respiratory effort. I'm going to start bagging her." Janice told Lucy as she ripped the sterile packaging of a purple ambu bag open and readied it, attaching the mask and plugging a line from the small oxygen canister into the back of the bulb..

Lucy watched as Janice sealed the mask over Zara's mouth and nose, squeezing the bag and pumping oxygen into Zara's lungs, inflating her sweat slick chest. Beside her the monitor let out a double beep. "Ready for synchronised shock at 100 joules, bag away." Lucy said, noticing there was still a lot of people around them. "Everyone stay clear!" She said assertively, quickly checking she had her finger on the shock button before making sure nobody was too close to the limp form on the floor. "Shocking!"

* * *

Anna stood quietly next to Tilly as Carl spoke briefly on the phone. He finished, hanging the phone back on the wall and was halfway turned when Tilly spoke up.

"What have we got?" She asked, excited and clearly jumping at the chance for something juicy.

Carl took a moment to share a knowing smirk with Anna. It was almost exactly how she used to react to the red phone when she had started here. Hell, she had felt the question bubbling up to her own lips, even though she wasn't working. Tilly looked between them for a second, slightly confused by the interplay between them, but snapped her attention back to Carl when he started to speak.

"Just an early heads up. Young woman having a seizure at the convention centre. It's only a mile down river so they'll bring her in shortly. Ambulance isn't there yet, but the centre has volunteer paramedics, so they don't expect much of a delay. ETA is anywhere from 15-20 minutes."

"Oh, cool. Is there anything I can do?" Tilly asked, practically vibrating as if ready to take off at a moment’s notice.

Carl glanced at Anna and chuckled. "I need to give Neuro a heads up, and radiology too in case an MRI is needed. Details are pretty thin though, so we'd better play it safe. Go and get Resus 3 setup and ready just in case." He looked around the nurses station, but evidently couldn't see what he was looking for. "Apparently Trish is busy, do you want to go and observe her?" He asked Anna.

Tilly turned to her expectantly, looking hopeful and somehow even more excited. "If it won't cause any problems. I'm not sure where things would stand legally."

"So long as you aren't treating patients I don't think there'll be an issue, and I'll send Trish along when I see her for the official sign off." Carl replied.

"In that case, I'd love too." Anna said with a smile towards Tilly. She reached out to give Carl's hand a quick squeeze then followed the bubbly young nurse through the black marked doors to the Resus Suite.

It was amazing to see just how much Tilly had grown in the last two years. Not physically. She was about 5 foot high, with an almost quintessential cheerleader build and such a youthful face that if you only looked at that you'd place her closer to 17 than her actual 21. It was the confidence that had been the biggest change. Back during Anna's ICU stay, Tilly had been meek, quiet and nervous to the point of being positively twitchy. As they'd talked over a couple of weeks, the younger nurse had started to open up and more importantly begun to believe in herself.

Now, like Carl had said, the young nurse gave of a sense of having been born for the role. And her personality, her energy, shone through, even in the way she moved. To boot, it was infectious. Just following Tilly, Anna felt a little more pep in her own step and every single person Tilly passed seemed to get just a little brighter simply by her very presence.

Anna had wanted to come back to work. Simply being around Tilly made her excited for it.

* * *

Zara's whole body gave a single sharp twitch as the burst of electrical charge zapped across her chest in an instant. One of her thin strapped shoes was kicked off by the motion and her head limply rolled to one side. Lucy frowned as she watched the monitor that continued its urgent alarming.

"No response. Bag her, I'll charge again at 150." She ordered, setting the defibrillator to charge up. As it did so, she returned to the drug bag, taking out an IV kit. With the practiced efficiency of years of experience she cracked it open, swabbed the back of Zara's wrist with a sterilising wipe and was lining up the needle with the vein by the time the monitor let out it's notifying bleeps. She ignored it, pushing the needle into the vein with a smooth motion, then deftly peeled off the backing of the adhesive wings. "Going with a round of adenosine." She said, hurrying to draw the drug.

Deep in focus, she didn't notice the approaching commotion until it broke through the ring of onlookers. "...tell me what is going on? Why isn't anyone on the st..." The voice cut off with a strangled shriek. Lucy glanced up to see a woman with a shocked expression on her face. Although her frame was substantially different to Zara's, squat and heavy set compared to Zara's lithe, graceful appearance, judging by the features she could see, and the reaction, it was clearly Zara's mother. She still didn't expect the next words out of the dumpy woman's mouth. "Do you have any idea how much that dress cost!" She shouted.

A wave of revulsion swept across the onlookers like a physical force as they realised what she had just said. Lucy felt it too, though she'd been in the job long enough to know that sometimes, though rare, the shock of seeing a loved one in a medical emergency can make people blurt out things without even thinking. She hoped this was one of those instances. Luckily Janice intercepted Zara's mother's attention.

"Ma'am, your daughter is very ill right now, please stay back." She said, shuffling back on her knees as Lucy finished inserting the drug and returned to the monitor.

"Adenosine in, ready to shock at 150, everyone stay back." She repeated, doing another check down the length of Zara's body. "Shocking!" She announced as her finger pushed the button. Zara gave another jerk as her heart was struck by the jolt, her arms and legs flicking out slightly before falling still. The monitor continued its alarming for a few more seconds, then settled into a rapid bleeping. "Back in sinus tach. How's her breathing?"

"Still diminished, but she's making a bit more effort." Janice reported.

"Keep bagging her for now." Lucy said, blowing out a breath and taking a moment to reset herself.

Now that the current emergency was resolved, there was still the underlying issues to take care of. Lucy pulled over a bag and took out a unit of saline, spiking it with the line that she then plugged into the IV catheter. After that she rooted through a different piece of kit for an ear thermometer, passing it to Janice as she stood up.

"Katie." Lucy said to the girl who was still hovering around. "Just hold this up about here for me ok." She told her, waiting for Katie to take the bag and nod in understanding. Now to deal with the mother. Her comment about the dress had cleared some space around the woman, which was probably for the best when discussing potential medical information. "Ma'am? What's your name?"

"Jaya." The woman said, staring down at her daughter.

"Right Jaya. Has Zara ever had a seizure before?" Lucy asked her gently.

The woman finally pulled her gaze away from the limp young woman. She shook her head slowly. "No...No never."

"Okay." Lucy nodded, making the motion big to keep Jaya's attention on her. "Has she been ill recently? Headache? Nausea? Fever?"

"She hasn't mentioned anything. She was fine when I left her in the dressing room."

"Is she on any medication at all?"

A slight hesitation then another shake of the head. "Nothing."

"Right." Lucy braced herself before the next question, knowing it could lead to some sort of explosive reaction. "Has she ever used any drugs? Cocaine? Ecstasy?"

A frown cut across Jaya's face, and she seemed to tense up, gripping her handbag tightly, but her voice at least remained at an indoor level. "No she would never even dare!"

Lucy held up a placating hand. She waited a moment until Jaya subsided. "Has she been out in the last couple days? She might not have taken anything intentionally."

"No. She doesn't go out. Not to bars and not to parties! Why are you asking all these questions?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to rule things out." Lucy told her, using her best sympathetic voice, despite Jaya's increasingly combative attitude.

Janice took that moment to interject. "She's at 39.5 C."

Lucy glanced around in shock. If Zara truly hadn't shown any signs of being ill just an hour ago, then whatever caused this fever was incredibly aggressive. A temperature that high is on the cusp of being a life threatening emergency in itself.

Which is why Lucy was very relieved when she heard a booming voice commanding the ring of onlookers to move back. She didn't need to even look around to know that it was her regular partner on the ambulance, Dave. More help was here.

* * *

Anna leaned against a counter just inside the doors of Resus 3, watching Tilly as she pulled open the drawers of the crash cart, checking everything on the list fixed inside the drawer was there. As she did, her head bobbed, as if she was listening to some music. She worked up from bottom to top, and after finishing that drawer, she closed with a bump of her hip.

"Everything's there." She said to Anna with a smile.

"You're sure, you've got everything?" Anna asked her.

Tilly cocked her head, looking around the room, her gaze falling on each cupboard, cabinet and piece of equipment. She turned back to Anna. "I'm pretty sure..." She said.

Anna nodded. "You did. But it's always best to double check yourself. Mistakes in here can literally be life or death."

"I know." Tilly said, stepping over to the counter and leaning against it next to Anna, looking towards the trauma bed with a thoughtful expression.

"Carl say's you're doing well." Anna told her. "And you seem to be enjoying yourself. I mean, I've never seen anyone practically dancing as they checked supplies."

Tilly glanced at her, a slight blush warming her cheeks. "It helps me focus. Like you said, there's a lot riding on us doing things right."

"That's one way to do it. Can you still focus when things get intense?" Anna asked, curious. Dancing around the resus room would be basically the opposite of professionalism.

"I have no problem there. When things are going crazy, I'm in the zone. It's why I love working down here. When it's quiet though..." Tilly shrugged. Anna got the sense that she'd explained things this way many times, and after a moment it finally twigged.

"You have ADHD." Anna made it a statement, rather than a question. Tilly nodded, while seeming to shrink in on herself slightly. "Do your supervisors know?" Anna asked.

"It's in my file. I don't know if they read it, I don't exactly broadcast it though. People sometimes get the wrong idea and don't trust me with anything important, which just makes things worse."

"Hmm." Anna, murmured as she thought for a moment. Tilly was looking at the floor, clenching her arms tighter. Anna turned and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Well. If you come back here after you graduate, I promise to always throw you at the biggest fire."

Tilly snapped her head up. "Really?" Anna smiled and nodded, prompting Tilly to grin, that bubbling energy returning in an instant.

Carl took that moment to come into Resus 3. He looked grave. "Paramedics are on site, but they're rushing the patient in. She's got a fever of 40.2 and climbing, and has already had a run of SVT." He looked to Tilly. "We're going to need as many cold packs as you can carry. Then get into high grade PPE, we may be dealing with an aggressive infection" He told her.

Tilly glanced at Anna, the corner of her mouth curling in a quick smile before she darted around Carl, heading for the store room.

* * *

The gurney rattled gently, it's wheels squeaking on the polished floor of the central corridor of the convention centre as the paramedics rushed it towards the entrance where the ambulance was parked. Lucy pushed with her elbows, her hands occupied with holding the ambubag to Zara's face, pumping the bulb every few seconds.

As soon as Dave and Steve had arrived to find their patient no longer simply seizing, but apparently gripped by a rapidly escalating fever of unknown source, they made the call to scoop and run. She needed cooling as soon as possible, and the few cool packs the ambulance carried had been left inside it. With Zara in such a precarious state but as stable as she was likely to get without intense intervention, the decision had been simple. They'd hurried to swap monitors, then load her onto a board then the gurney, throwing a thin sheet over her bared chest to preserve some modesty, and had placed the ambulances monitor between her legs.

Lucy kept an eye of the display, watching Zara's rapid heart rate flicker across the screen. Dave and Steve drove the gurney, guiding it through the gap being formed ahead of them by the centre's security. Janice trailed behind them, shepherding Jaya while carrying a bag in her hand in addition to the one strapped to her back.

The team of paramedics finally broke out into the sunshine outside, rolling the gurney down the access ramp and up to the ambulance, spinning it around so that Zara's head would go in first. Once the doors were open Lucy dropped the ambu bag onto the bed, climbing into the ambulance and helping to get the gurney inside. She resumed bagging as the others got themselves sorted, Dave joining her in the back while Steve went up front to drive. Janice showed Jaya to the front passenger seat, then popped her head in through the side door.

"Here's your drug kit Luce, I'll take the rest of our gear back." She said to Lucy, who nodded in thanks. Janice looked at Zara, still limp and sweating on the gurney, a grim expression on her face. "Let me know how it goes." She said, before pushing the door closed.

"Get them cool packs out." Lucy told Dave. Now that the ambulance doors were closed, she cast the sheet off of Zara, baring her chest once more.

Dave quickly pulled out all three chemical cool packs, cracking them to activate the reaction. They were bigger than those you could buy at a pharmacy, large enough that they covered the span between Zara's arm pits, fully covering her breasts. The second went over the beauty queens abdomen, while Dave did his best to shape the third around Zara's head and neck. With that done, Dave looked around to the front of the ambulance. "Get us going Steve, we don't have time to waste!"

The ambulance rumbled and started to move. Even though the journey would be short, there was still plenty for the two medics in the back to do. Dave was taking a pair of shear to the rest of Zara's dress, cutting from the side of the waist down to the top of the side slit. Without that small bit of fabric he could fully spread the dress to be clear of Zara's body. He also removed the slim set of underwear, leaving Zara totally naked on the gurney. Her whole body was slick with a layer of clammy sweat.

At her head Lucy was doing her best to keep breathing for Zara, while also trying to get a temperature sensor attached. It was tough, the sweat repelling the adhesive, but with a clean and quick movements she was eventually able to get the sensor to stick. It probably wouldn't hold for long, but it wouldn't need to. Once they got Zara into the emergency department they'd probably insert a probe into a central port. As it stood, the monitor began to show a reading, the number joining that of her heart rate and flashing an angry red.

"Surface temp is already 40.7C. She's burning up." Lucy said with a shake of her head, looking down at Zara. Her eyes had cracked open slightly, but there was no alertness behind them.

"Going with another bag of saline and some antipyretics." Dave said, shuffling about and manipulating the iv line.

They were halfway to the hospital when Zara twitched slightly, her arms and legs contracting for a brief moment. Lucy looked between the monitor and the body on the gurney. The monitor was still alarming at the extremely rapid heart rate, and Zara gave another small twitch.

"Muscle tremors." Dave said in a low voice. "This isn't looking good."

[ipsl0re]

Continuing on from this ask from @bluemoonperegrine, my creative process for my fics;

Now, about 97% of the fanfic I’ve written belongs to a single series (that dominated the last 3 years of my life. In a good way). So this will explain the differences in my process between a standalone 700-word story and a 170,000 word series, when it comes to the prep. There is a little difference in writing, but that’s mainly just how I often write the start and end of the chapter at the same time, rather than in order like normal.

As a universal rule, I start with characters I want to see, and a situation to put them in:- that I haven’t seen before. My preference is for underserved niches- the stories where if I don’t write it, no-one else probably will. This is captured as a short sentence that summarises what I want to write. Now it diverges.

For shorter stories, this can launch straight off. Grab the prompt, get to the meat. For longer series, I have a start and a very vague end: for example, “the characters do something dangerous and now fully trust each other” was the ending of Private Investigations at first. Then, chapter by chapter, with at least a 10-chapter buffer, I make a summary of the chapter’s events- filling in later ones as I think of it & write the chapters before.

Actually writing? I do it at night: alone, often in bed, with the right music for the fic and the tone, sometimes with tea. Get the prompt, and just… expand it? Starting with fairly vague writing, I fill in the events with simple descriptions and slot dialogue between- that’s far more final, and often just empty quotation marks until I know what they say.

The first pass always leaves gaps, where I’m not sure quite what’ll happen, or how- but this is 30% of the process

The next 60% is jumping back and forth, running through the chapter from beginning to end filling out missing parts and detailing what isn’t. It also allows me to continually scrutinise and catch typos- since I’ve read the skeleton (with differing levels of additions) in full probably at least 5 times, even for shorter stories.

(If this part isn’t going anywhere, I just write a different chapter, procrastinate until it clicks, or sleep. The second option is the most common.)

That final 10% is the proofread. Reading through it once, making sure it has all the events and descriptions that I want it to (which is to say, making sure the story is final) and then doing that again after pasting it into the ao3 text editor- this time to check for typos, pacing, and formatting. I can’t stop and start with this process, so it’s just focusing on it for an hour or so and getting through.

Then, if I don’t have one ready, it’s time to write the ending note and publish.

I hope this was informative, since it was definitely too long.

[misty-zzz]

Chapter 3, Broken titan AU

Mwhehehe,

ok so the original version of this chapter wouldnt load and stufff...

urm

kinda glad, bc the og version was kinda bad... 😔

☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️☀️☁️

“I’m thinking wublin island, with all the supernatural stuff going on there, possibly they could have an answer.” Tootoo isn’t exactly sure where to go, but this was one of the first things that came to mind. “Wublin island is a little whiles always, should take an hour and an half or so.” Hoola gets back on the skyship, and pulls out a map. Figuring out where on this doughnut like planet this island is. “Alrighty!” She places the map back into its place. “You guys can board the ship now!” She gestures. Tootoo and Fiddlement enter the ship. They venture to the inside of the ship. It had a nice interior. Mostly filled with decor from each seasonal events. From left to right, on the left wall there were hammocks for the crew to sleep in. The center had tables, with a kitchen in the back. And at the right, there’s a wall filled with photos. Some being places the ship has been, and some pictures of monsters. Fiddlement flies up to a hammock. “These aren’t the most comfortable…” they complain. “Hammocks aren’t comfortable most of the time.” Tootoo agrees. Hoola walk down the stairs. “The photo wall is pretty cool, huh?” She walks towards the photos. Tootoo nods, they both head towards the wall aswell. “Here’s an old one,” Hoola pulls off a photo. “The first and only time I’ve been to wublin island!” The photo had 5 distinct monsters. Hoola sticks it back on the wall. They both stare at the image a little longer. “I’ve got to get this ship off the ground!” She heads back up the stairs. “Wait, do you have any papers and pencils anywhere?” Tootoo wanted to know. “I’ll bring some when I come back down!” She continues up. “I want to look at the pictures!” Fiddlement suggests. “There’s plant island! Oh, and Fairie!” The shipped seemed to lift, they were on their way to wublin island. Upon searching through the images some more, they were to able to find one of the whole pomily, with a little Tootoo! She cringed at seeing a younger version of herself, Fiddlement thought it was a cute photo. They turn around to see Hoola walking down. “Got the your stuff!” She places the papers and pens on a nearby table. “I’ll stay down here with you guys for now.” She sits down. The two sit on the bench across them. Tootoo inspects Hoola, realizing she never whore the bandanna and goggles ever before. “Where did you get the bandanna and goggles from?” She asks. “These? I got them during summer song this year! The epic wubbox on air island gave them to me, saying I might need these for my travels!” Hoola answers. “They look good on you!” Tootoo smiles. Tootoo goes ahead and starts drawing. She decides to draw her beloved original character, Delta. The half hoo-man half dragon. Trying out new poses to draw her in. “Delta, huh? What’s her backstory, I don’t know too much about her.” Says Hoola. Tootoo looks at Fiddlement. They know Delta by heart, and were ready to dump this whole backstory to her, even if they didn’t have much. “Well…” they spoke at the same time. “Delta was a dragon, she was well liked with in the community. But due to a curse she was transformed to a half dragon half hoo-man!” Explains Tootoo. “She was kicked out of cities and villages, because she was just so different, and is trying to get revenge!” Continues Fiddlement. “But that’s all I’ve thought of so far, still got a bunch to think about.” Tootoo shrugs. Eventually Hoola went back up, Tootoo continued to draw. Fiddlement and Tootoo kept on think of ideas of how to expand Delta’s storyline. At a point, the two decide to go upstairs. They were out of the polar night of light island, strange for Tootoo and Fiddlement. Hoola was above at the control center, driving the ship. “Hello!” She noticed the two. Tootoo waves. Hoola climbs down to talk with them. “What ya need?” She asks. “I dunno,” Tootoo responds. “Well, we got about 20 minutes left.”

“Alright!” Fiddlement looks off, watching at waves below. Hoola joins them, so does Tootoo. “It’s pretty, huh?” Fiddlement looks at both of them. “Yeah,” responds Hoola. “It’s pretty pretty,” laughs Tootoo. “I wonder what caused this,” wonders Fiddlement. “I hope to find out! Maybe there’s some magic put into this.” Theorizes Tootoo “Besides the mythicals, the pure magicals had some magic. But they’ve been long extinct. So I wonder if the mythicals had something to do with this.” Says Hoola. After talk for awhile, they spot it, “Is that the island?” Fiddlement tilts towards the dark teal island. Hoola takes out the map, “I believe so!” Tootoo was ready, what ever this mystery was, she was ready to solve it!

[camels-pen]

somnolescent

Summary: The initial manifestation of Richie’s ‘push’ powers affected Virgil more than he thought.

warning: car accident

Ao3 Link

Virgil backed out of the doors carefully holding both colas—no lids, of course, since Richie doesn’t like lids on his because they’re a waste and what if I wanna try yours? I’m not drinking from your straw—about to deepen his voice and imitate a british accent, the words your cola, sir on the tip of his tongue—

SCREEECH

For a split second, Richie was kneeling, a dog cradled in his arms and covering his face as a truck was about to—to—

Then a spark.

A bright pink light, similar in hue to his own powers, expanded from Richie’s palm, forming a large round shield. 

The truck rammed into it with an impressive CRASH.

The grill was crushed, the bumper and hood were heavily dented and the windshield looked like it was about ready to shatter with how many cracks it got. 

People were screaming and scared and someone was yelling about a reckless kid, but all Virgil could see was his best friend almost getting killed in front of him with him unable to do anything to stop it.

He didn’t even register dropping the colas.

“The brake must’ve popped,” a man in overalls said, catching his breath against the side of the truck. “We’re just lucky nobody was hurt.”

Virgil ran up to Richie, an Are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere? I can’t believe you almost— stuck in his throat. “How’d you do that?” he settled on. 

Richie stared at his hands, turning them over. Virgil noticed them start to shake before Richie quickly hid them under his armpits. “I don’t know.”

Virgil heard whispering near them and he glanced around to the open street and onlookers. He grabbed Richie’s shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”

Then it was figuring out Richie’s new powers. Catching him from a near disaster with his first flight (and wasn’t that terrifying?). Covering for Richie with his mom. Seeing Richie in new threads trying to be a superhero. Helping Richie while he was trying to be a superhero (no, Virgil was not jealous that Richie seemed stronger than him). Sniffing out the bullshit Richie was trying to push on him.

Walking off the probably bruised ribs Richie gave him.

By the time Virgil had finished mopping the floor with those Run and Jump goons and got knocked out by that old man, his friend’s near death experience was far from his mind.

“How do you feel?”

“When I wake up, remind me to be very angry with you.”

---

Remind me to be very angry with you he’d said. And he was angry. But more than that, there was this tight little ball of—of something in his chest that wouldn’t go away now that he wasn’t preoccupied with hero stuff.

Anger was the only thing that made sense right now and it made him feel a little better, talking smack and fighting him 1v1 in the arcade until closing.

But now—now, Richie was mentioning he was gonna head out, back home, on his own.

The tight little ball in his chest grew, making it hard to breathe.

“Hey, how ‘bout a sleepover?” the words left his lips before he even registered them.

“Uhh, I’d love to V, but I need to head home and smooth things over with my mom.” Richie laughed nervously, a sheepish smile on his face. “Pretty sure she thinks I went missing or something.”

“Why?” Virgil said, brows furrowed. “I already covered for you—”

“Ah, yeah, but”—Richie winced—“I forgot to tell her we were going to the arcade.”

Virgil chuckled. “What? Dude, I said I covered for you. Did your mom turn into a helicopter in one afternoon?”

Richie averted his eyes. “It’s been a little different since Ebon took me. She gets worried a lot easier now.”

The reminder of the very real dangers that could strike at any moment felt like a bucket of ice water down his back.

“Right, right.” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, yeah, you do you, we can have a sleepover some other time.”

He kept up a smile and wave until Richie turned the corner. He felt sick.

---

The truck was out of control. Richie ran to grab the puppy in its way. Tripped. Tried to cover them both from the impact.

The truck crashed.

Virgil watched it all in the span of a few seconds. Boots stuck to the ground.

The faceless crowd shouted at him. 

“Why didn’t you save him? You’re supposed to be a hero.”

“Those poor people. Their only child…”

“Not to mention the boyfriend left behind.”

“Boyf—?” Virgil turned in the direction of the last voice. He cut himself off as he walked right into someone. He froze, heart thudding loudly in his chest as his father’s disappointed voice rang in his ears.

“Virgil, I can’t believe this. You let Richie die? Just like that?” Slowly, Virgil looked up. There was his father standing in front of him, his face above the mouth hazy and covered in fog.

“N-No! I couldn’t move! I didn’t even see it!” But he did. He did see it. He just wasn’t fast enough. Wasn’t good enough.

“I raised you better than to make excuses, young man.” And no—that’s—his dad always believed him. When it counted, he always believed Virgil.

A familiar scoff caught his attention. To his right, Sharon was looking at him with disgust. “Look at him. He’s more worried about getting in trouble than the fact that his best friend’s dead!”

The words echoed in his mind.

That wasn’t—Richie wasn’t—

He turned back to the road. Stared at the truck.

The grill was crushed, the bumper and hood were heavily dented and the windshield looked like it was about ready to shatter with how many cracks it got. 

He looked down. Stared at—

At—

There was a massive puddle of blood on the ground. Richie was laying in the center of it, his limbs and neck and torso twisted and broken and caved in, in ways no living being could survive.

Virgil woke up and vomited on the floor.

---

The thing was, Richie’s hoodie wasn’t draped over his desk chair.

Normally, this would’ve been fine, but with the day he’d had followed by that nightmare, Virgil was on edge.

The most likely culprit was Sharon or his Pops putting it in the wash so one of them could fold it and set it aside to return it to Richie later. It was a futile endeavour, considering it had taken up residence in their house for well over a year now.

Virgil desperately tried to focus on the facts and ignore the whispers in his head saying it wasn’t a dream at all. That he failed. That Richie was—

Virgil scrambled for his costume, pulling the Shock Vox from his belt.

“C’mon pick up. Please pick up.”

Richie did not pick up.

There was wind on his face and in his hair and suddenly he was floating on his disc outside Richie’s window, his heart thumping painfully in his chest.

Virgil could hardly remember how he got here, much less when he changed into Static. He didn’t care.

He knocked on the glass. Two short, one long, three short.

No response.

He tried again. And again.

He didn’t bother with a fourth attempt.

It didn’t take long to get in and at first he was grateful, antsy to reassure himself that Richie really was fine.

Yet when he stepped foot in the room, he froze on the spot. 

Because what if he wasn’t fine? What if Virgil had broken into the home of a grieving family and he was making this all up? After all, Richie never turned off his Shock Vox and the idea that someone would have the ability to give people temporary bang baby powers seemed more like the dream. 

Virgil couldn’t handle losing someone again. It tore him apart the first time and without Richie, he wouldn’t survive—

A loud, familiar snore cut through his thoughts.

He blinked.

There was a lump on the bed. A large, person-shaped lump. The top of it, by the pillows, was covered in a single dark blue blanket.

Virgil gulped. His heart hammered in his chest. 

He hovered a hand over it, hesitant. He stared at his hand a moment before clenching it into a fist and tapping his head with it, mouthing stupid stupid stupid in time with each tap.

Virgil glared at the blanket, filled with frustration for the offending square of fabric and riding the rush of energy to rip it away from the person underneath.

Removing it revealed a head of messy blonde hair followed by a face slackened with sleep, pillowed on both hands, wearing an old white t-shirt.

And all at once, relief.

Virgil nearly fell to his knees with it, seeing his best friend alive, breathing, and not twisted into a mangled up corpse.

The relief made way for other thoughts he hadn’t considered in his haste to check on Richie, however, and he was realizing that he should probably leave before his friend woke up.

Of course, it was never that easy for Virgil.

When the last of the blanket fell away from Richie’s arms, he heard the sound of irony sealing his fate. It sounded a lot like static electricity.

Richie jolted slightly and his snoring cut out. His eyes slowly blinked open, scanning the room and landing on Virgil. He didn’t have his glasses on, but Virgil knew he could see enough to recognize him.

Richie groaned and flopped back on the mattress. “V, tell me there’s not a midnight burglary you have to take care of. Trying to cover for you with your pops when I’m tired as shit is really really hard.”

Virgil stayed silent, drinking in the sight of Richie’s chest, slowly moving up and down with each breath he took—drinking in the sight of him being alive—while simultaneously trying to come up with a good enough excuse to avoid any in-depth questions.

Richie turned his head a bit, glancing at the wall behind Virgil, and groaned again. His foot lightly kicked Virgil’s shin through the comforter. “Dude, the window was locked, not barricaded. You didn’t have to bust through the whole thing—”

“Why was your Shock Vox off?” That. Was not what he meant to say. But at the reminder of what led him here, he needed to know. Richie never turned his Shock Vox off. Never. 

“Ohhh that. I was working on a new upgrade before bed. Needed to remove the battery for a bit. Guess I forgot to double check it was working properly when I put it back.” The blanket slipped from Virgil’s slack grip as the tension started to drain out of him faster, as it really started to hit him that Richie was okay. That this was all real. “Virgil?”

“Fine, it’s—I’m fine.” He rubbed a hand down his face… or attempted to; when his fingers caught on his goggles he sighed. He picked up the blanket, draped it back over Richie. “I should go. Sorry for waking you.”

He stared at Richie. Waited for his goodbye. 

Richie stared at him for a long moment. Looked so intently at Virgil’s face that he fought down the urge to squirm. 

A shiver ran through him, the breeze from the (now permanently) open window making him look down at his clothes and—oh. 

Virgil wondered how he’d gotten here so quickly without remembering putting on the suit. Turned out he only put on his Static jacket over his pj’s. He wasn’t even wearing any shoes.

He should be more panicked about leaving the house like that. Probably.

Finally, Richie said, “You look tired.”

And Virgil. He was. 

The ride over must’ve really drained him or the relief was replacing the last of the adrenaline or he was exhausted just thinking of the conversation they were going to have, but he was too tired to bother trying to hide it.

He sighed. “I am.”

“C’mon,”  Richie flipped the covers and scooted closer to the wall. “Get in.”

And despite how much of a bad idea he knew it was, considering the risk of Mrs. Foley seeing them sleeping in the same bed together—not to mention him wearing Static’s jacket and Static’s flying disk sitting on the floor—Virgil didn’t hesitate to slip in beside Richie and hold him in his arms.

“This okay?” he whispered.

Richie smiled, one arm draping across Virgil’s waist and the other tucked under his head, his blinks growing slower. “More than okay.”

There would be a conversation in the morning—one he wouldn’t be able to escape—but at least here, holding Richie in his arms and drifting off, he could escape his nightmares and dream of a different kind of conversation going oh so right.

[dykejake]

accursed kiss | j.t.k | chapter one

pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

warnings: none in this chapter, but future chapters will be 18+!

summary: you, completely unaware of the dark curse you’re under, are falling in love with jake kiszka. he, unfortunately, becomes all too aware of both the curse & its repercussions. 

words: 1.5k

big, big love to @tripthelight-fanfic​ for being my beta on this work! 

i.               you

You’d lived your entire life in this tiny town – and despite most of your friends moving onto bigger and better things, you were perfectly content. The shop you owned, bits and bobs, was your pride & joy. It had already made you a liveable income, and once you’d expanded into online sales, things had just gotten better for you. You lived above the shop, a little apartment space that suited you simply perfectly. It was absolutely ideal for you.

Your clientele was pretty consistent, either the other witchy folk in town out for a new tarot deck or the tourists wanting to check it out for a souvenir to bring home. Other people might be bothered by selling genuine things they believed in as souvenirs to tourists, but this was your livelihood, so you didn’t care even a little.

It was year four of you running the little shop, and you could honestly describe the store as home. You had your very own restored vintage turntable at the back of the shop, your favourite records making up the soundtrack to your quaint, perfectly content little life.

And, of course, once you’d expanded into online sales, you’d needed to hire someone to help you package orders. You technically also needed someone to cover the shop when you were on holidays, but you hadn’t gone anywhere in… years. You weren’t sure why your brain was so foggy when it came to memories about holidays, but you didn’t mind much.

Life was good, and you couldn’t complain.

It was a perfectly average, lovely day, and you’d not even come close to having a clue as to how much your life was going to change.

There were three online orders to pack, so you made your way through the shop, collecting items to set aside for Kelly, your employee. She always faithfully packaged the orders, and was so much better at it than you could ever hope to be. You were near done, just two more items to grab, when the little chime you had above the door dingled.

You collected yourself, ready with your customer service smile, but the person who’d just walked through the door knocked the breath out of your lungs instantly.

Beautiful.

There was no other way to describe him. Chestnut brown hair that hung just below his shoulders, deep-set brown eyes, and a face that reminded you of the moon, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

He was looking around the shop, and like the stars were smiling down on you, had not noticed you yet.

You took one single breath in before moving closer to him, plastering a smile on your face.

“Hi! Can I help you find anything specific?”

His eyes met yours, and it was like he was staring into your soul.

“I’m just browsing, but thank you. I’ll be sure to ask if I need any assistance.”

“Of course, yeah. I’ll just be behind the counter if you need me.”

All thought had just exited your brain, your entire being focused on regaining your ability to breathe properly while this gorgeous man browsed your store.

There was something so casual about his existence, the way he seemed completely oblivious to how captivating he was. You were trying extremely hard not to stare, but mostly failing.

He looked up from the shelf of tarot cards, eyes once again meeting yours.

“Cute shop.”

You were stunned out of your reverie by his words. “Oh! Thanks.”

“You just work here, or…?”

“Uh, no. I’m y/n, and I own the store.”

He grinned at you, eyes boring into yours.

“You’re very intense.” It was supposed to be a whisper under your breath, but the smirk pulling at his lips told you he’d heard you loud and fucking clear.

He, however, clearly chose to avoid your comment. “I love Hozier.”

You were confused.

He pointed at the record player. “Hozier. Love him. Good choice.”

“Oh! Right, yes. Of course. His whole woodland elf vibe suits the shop, right?”

“It really does.”

You two just looked at each other with a moment. Jake’s gaze was intense, the eye contact honestly a bit unsettling.

“So… can I help you, or? You said you were browsing.”

“Oh! Yeah. I was looking at your crystals. I’m looking for amazonite, but you only have tumbles and towers. I was hoping for something raw, if you have it?”

You were slightly taken aback by his clear desire of what he wanted – it wasn’t like men didn’t come into your shop, but you weren’t used to ones who were knowledgable like this. But you smiled at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I might in the back. I think I grabbed two from over there to fulfill an online order earlier – just bear with.”

You darted into the back, fingers brushing the shelves to find exactly what he needed for him. The raw amazonite was at the very back of the shelf – you were near out. You made a mental note to order more, but you were secretly very very glad you’d had what he wanted. Rushing back out into the store with a smile, you took a good look at him before he noticed you. He really was stunning – not very tall, maybe 5’8” at best, but his stature was striking. The sun coming in from the window behind him did not aid matters at all – providing him with a halo, accentuating his absolutely perfect nose.

He interrupted your staring with a smirk. “Find it?”

“Yes! Here!” You were a little flustered, but didn’t let it affect your customer service. You placed the tower into his open hand with a toothy grin.

“Amazing. Do you mind if I just have a look around the rest of the store before you ring me up?”

“Of course! Feel free to explore!”

As he turned to keep browsing, you tried to observe without staring – completely unsure of whether or not you were succeeding.

“Sorry – I don’t mean to bother you while you shop – but are you from the area, or just visiting?”

“Who’s asking?” He responded with a wink, knocking the air from your lungs.

“Um, well. I suppose I am. It’s just a small town, and I know my clientele pretty well, so I’m just wondering if I should expect you in here more often!”

Nice save. The words echoed in your brain, but you weren’t entirely sure the voice in your head sounded like it always did. Weird.

“Just moved in. With my brothers. You know the kinda decrepit mansion on Hazelwood?”

“I do! Nobody’s lived there in years.”

“Yeah, we could fucking tell when we moved in. Sorry for swearing. It’s just, uh, my brothers and I kinda inherited it, and our mum suggested that instead of selling it, we move in. See how a different small town suited.”

“And? What do you think?”

“Well, we’re only on our second day here. But we like it so far.”

“I’m glad! Have you guys tried the café next door yet? Kiss of the Witch?”

“No, we haven’t yet. Why, s’it good?”

“Oh my god, it’s incredible. They do themed drinks, and the best sandwiches I’ve ever had in my entire life. Put it on the list, you have to go.”

He had moved till he was at the counter, a genuine smile on his face. “What if I took you there? Tomorrow at 10:30, brunch?”

“Like, with your brothers? Or just you?” It was a stupid question, but you felt the need to clarify. And, perhaps, shake his confidence for just a moment.

“Just me. That ok with you?”

“Yes, that would be okay with me!”

“Cool. See you then. Now, I’ll take the amazonite, and I’d also like this.” He placed a little purple box on the counter – your speciality. You called them “manifestation kits” – a jar of moon water, a bag of manifestation herbs, and a pack of affirmation cards hand-drawn by you.

You scanned the items with a smile, handing him the debit machine.

“You make these?” He gestured at the manifestation kits after tapping his card.

“I sure do! Be sure to let me know whether or not it ends up working out for you. I offer a full satisfaction guarantee.”

You were bluffing. You’d never told anyone that before, and they definitely didn’t come with that guarantee – you’d honestly gotten the idea off pinterest. You were no witch. But you wanted so badly to keep seeing him – even if brunch tomorrow didn’t go that well.

“Duly noted. See ya tomorrow, witchy woman.” He winked at you, then turned on his heel and exited the shop.

It took you a full hour to recover from the encounter, and return your breathing to what felt like somewhat normal. It was only after that hour you realized two things. One, you’d never gotten his name, and two, there was a tickle in the back of your throat and your breathing felt funny.

But oh well – you’d see him tomorrow.

b’s taglist:  @fosterkidwiththebrokenjaw​, @screechesincoherently​, @tlexx​, @godblessmarywanna, @weightofdreams-gvf​, @fictional-duchess​, @ascendingtostardust​, @agirlwithmanytastes​, @earthlysorrows​, @fleetsonfire​, @tripthelight-fanfic​​, @godlygreta​​ 

series taglist: @dannyandthekiszkas​ @sarakay-gvf​ @capturethechaos​ @gardensgatedaisy @writingcold​

[flowersarefreetherapy]

Trapped

For @whumpawoman's Whump Girl Summer: Day 7, Trapped

CW: Discussions of BBU system, arguments, brief suggestive dialogue, someone viewing WRU as positive thing, familial conflict

The turkey pops in the oven, drawing Olive’s attention away from the conversation happening in the dining room. Her brother perches on the arm of a chair, glass of wine in hand, talking to her brother-in-law about the latest scandals in the upper classes.

“And I heard that Lucy Den got another Pet,” her brother, Aaron, laughs. “Changing them faster than trends in Hollywood.” 

“That's an interesting choice for her,” her brother-in-law responds. “Considering that WRU dropped the sponsorship for her last movie.” 

“Olive!” Aaron calls. “What do you think? Gotten any offers from WRU to do those little barcode things? Bet you could make some good money doing that.”

Olive freezes, glancing towards the living room, where the rest of her family sits. Anne is there, talking with her mother about something, hopefully businesses. They both have a good head for it and Anne has been trying to figure out how to expand for the last several months. 

“I haven’t got any offers, no,” Olive says, keeping her voice steady. “I don’t think they’re paying attention to little artists like me.”

And I would like to keep it that way.

“Don’t be so humble! You’re the best tattoo artist in this city. They’re stupid to not have you hired. besides”--Aaron lowers his voice with a wink– “Sure they’d let you sample the goods too.”

“Aaron!” Olive throws a pillow at him, nearly knocking the wine out of his hands. “How dare you!”

“It’s the truth! I’ve got some friends who are in that business and the stories they tell . . . Damn, sometimes I think it would be a good idea, just buy one of those instead of settling down.”

“You’re drunk,” Olive mutters. “Shut up.”

Her mind drifts to the men who come to Anne’s shop. They’ve just moved in, down the street, renting an apartment with the barista she used to work with. Nice, quiet, polite. Too polite. The kind of politeness people aren’t born with, but have beaten into them. The shorter of the two watches with a gleam in his eyes that unnerves her every time she sees him. The taller one, the one with a scar across his cheek, smiles and speaks in a soft tone, but he moves with purpose, not a single movement wasted. 

Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, but what Olive knows is that people make mistakes. Things happen. And no one deserves to be talked about like this. 

“I’m just telling the truth, Liv,” Aaron says. He turns to their brother-in-law. “What do you think, Henry? Do you think Olive here should get in with WRU?” 

Henry shrugs. “I don’t care. She’s going to make money one way or another. She’s good and that means she’ll get a job somewhere.”

Olive swallows hard. Her skin crawls, the sensation of being trapped in a corner washing over her. Anywhere else and she is confident, ready to fight for her and her family, but here she doesn’t want to speak up. Not when it's with her drunk brother. Her eyes burn at the memory of her wedding and the comments he made regarding their relationship. 

“I’m gonna go talk to Mom,” she says, pushing herself to her feet. “You don’t care anyway about my job.”

“Don’t say that, Liv. I do care, that’s why I’m offering you better options for pay and a chance to move up in this world. Don’t you want to provide for your wife so she doesn’t have to keep working at the dead-end store?”

“Don’t bring Anne into this,” Olive says, her voice hard. “This conversation has nothing to do with my family. In fact, this is a conversation I didn’t want to be part of in the first place. I’m leaving. Keep an eye on the turkey.”

“Aw, Liv, don’t-”

She leaves the room before Aaron can say anything else. Her eyes burn as she curls on the couch next to her wife. Anne takes her hand without pausing in her conversation. Olive clutches it as a drowning person grabs a lifeline. 

“You good?” Anne whispers when there is a break in the conversation.

Olive nods. “I’ll explain later.”

She squeezes her hand and Olive forces herself to relax. They are going to be fine. 

[thatlesbeanjew]

hehe may i ask 1, 14, 23 and 55 from the unusual asks???

Unusual Asks

Get ready for a lot of rambling going on towards the end of this lmao

1.. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

Spotify babeyyy

14.. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

Oh jeez. Probs somewhere in Massachusetts, I enjoy the weather and the general vibe. I’m a New Englander through and through. I’d like to spend time in Spain though at some point in my life. Not sure where, but I’d like to see it all.

23.. describe your dream date

Huh. Never really thought about it. As long as who ever I’m with and I just ‘click’ I’d be down for anything. Just spending time together and being able to enjoy their company.

55.. what is your dream job? 

This is a tough one. For the longest time all I wanted to be was a Spanish teacher but covid obliterated all my passion I had for teaching and now I’ve been stuck in this god awful limbo ever since I graduated. Idk if I’d ever want to go into interpreting, but translating has been a possibility I’ve been considering.

But if I could have any job in the world? I’d record podfic and edit peoples writing all day if I could. I love working with literature and bringing stories to life. I struggle with my own writing but I love being able to help people expand on their own writing and guide them to what they’re trying to achieve.

This is a tough one because I genuinely have no idea what I want to do anymore. It’s scary and has been a huge stressor of mine, because I have to think about it realistically. Idk where I was going when I started typing this answer out, sorry Zo lmao.

[mental-health-advice]

I feel stuck. I’m 23 and my anxieties/overall mental health is holding me back. I can’t drive or keep a job. I feel helpless. I don’t know where to start or what to do to fix this about myself

Hey there,

It can be really tough when our anxiety and overall mental health is at an all time low and gets in the way of the things we really want to be doing. I think it’s important that you know and accept that you are a good person and that you’re not completely hopeless and that there are things that you can do to get yourself back on track and where you want to be in life.

For example, is it possible to get driving lessons from someone that has a full licence that can help you get yours? I don’t know what the requirements are where you live but here in Australia we need to have at least 120hrs of driving with a full licenced driver as a learner before we can even apply for our probationary licence (which is like a driving licence with restrictions) before after a few years we can apply for our full licence. I guess what I am trying to say is that it takes time to feel comfortable behind the wheel and this is more than normal and OK, so don’t rush the process and go for your license when you feel ready and comfortable doing so and not when everyone else does. Driving comes with experience and feeling comfortable and cannot be rushed. So don’t rush the process, everyone learns at their own pace!

In regards to keeping a job, I recommend starting small. Is there anywhere that you can volunteer on a regular basis? Even if it’s somewhere like an OP shop or somewhere else that you have an interest in. Look around your town, think of places you may like to work, things you can do on a volunteer basis and when you feel comfortable doing this, then apply for a job. And ask the manger/ boss if you can start with a few hours a week and increase from there when you feel comfortable doing so. Most bosses/ managers will work with the worker and especially if they know if it’s your first job and you ask if you can work slowly with a few hours and expand from there.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[sondrox]

Infernal Tales Ch. 12 - I trust you with my death aftermath

Summary: Vaggie returns with Charlie after resurrecting from their last misadventure.

Waking from death was always a bitch.

When Vaggie opened her eye, her whole body crunched at the slightest movement. She didn’t know if that was because of how she died, or the cold wasteland stone floor she slept on for an awful amount of time.

As a habit of hers, Vaggie endured through it. She inspected around her, seeing nothing but the reddish wastelands of hell expanding on every direction for miles. Red hills where little to no life grew up, it reminded Vaggie of the desert.

She hoped she could spot Pentagram City upon waking up, but her luck would not grant her even that after literally dying and resurrecting.

Stretching her arm more than she really had to, Vaggie summoned her spear, her underlaying anxiety dissipated, if just a bit, and used it as a walking stick.

It took Vaggie half an hour of walking aimlessly before she could finally spot Pentagram City on the horizon, after she had climbed to the top of a cliff, standing on the edge of it. Now if only she could only find a way down that didn’t take her forever.

Vaggie considered literally jumping off the edge and throw herself into the void out of pure spite.

…

She had lost track of time by the time she finally walked into streets she recognized.

Her legs weighed as if they were bags of gravel and her feet burned. A part of her, one that had not come with her to hell, told her she could—she should—take a break. It was not like the hotel was going anywhere, and Charlie was already waiting for her for…however long Vaggie took to respawn, she could wait just a little longer.

But her truth be told, Charlie was both Vaggie’s blessing and curse. Only Charlie was her safe heaven. Nowhere else, nothing else.

After what felt like an eternity, Vaggie had arrived into the hotel’s territory. That alone allowed her to breathe easier and mitigate her pain.

When she stood in front of the hotel’s doors. She took a deep breath and raised her fist.

KNOCK-

“VAGGIE!”

The door opened immediately and before Vaggie knew it, Charlie embraced her in a hug that lifted her feet off the ground with a strength comparable to that that killed her before.

But she was not in condition or mood to complain about that and only tried to enjoy the moment.

“ImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorry. I’m SO SO SO sorry! I promise I will listen to you more from now on. It was all my fault-Aghhhhh.” Charlie’s voice broke down on a cry as she let Vaggie down and buried her head on her partner’s shoulder bending her back.

As second nature, the sinner put her hand on the demon’s back and gave it pats. “Calm down, hun. I’m here now, that’s all that matters.” Vaggie rested the side of her head on Charlie’s head for a moment as she reciprocated the contact, lingering on it. Charlie was like a perfect bed, soft, relaxing, and so goddamn warm and comfy. “Shh, shh, don’t cry, honey. Right now-oooow…” Vaggie had lifted Charlie’s head so she could see her face.

Charlie’s eyes were still crystalized, tears brimming on the edge of them, ready to deploy at a moment’s notice. Her cheeks were soaked in strong defined trails of tears rolling down all across her white face, not to mention her eyes were red, but not as they would be in her full-demon form. A clear sign she has been crying since Vaggie died; probably non-stop.

“Right now I’m here,” Vaggie continued, “You can take care of me all you want, only if I can take care of you.”

Somehow Charlie’s eyes filled with even more tears for a second before she became a pool of tears once again. “What I did to deserve you!? Ah-oh-oh-oh-oh!”

“More than this place and I deserve,” Vaggie thought, “Let’s go to bed, hun.” She wrapped her hand softly on Charlie’s hand and they walked to the elevator, leaning into each other straight to their room.

Vaggie and Charlie did not let go of each other for a single second all night long.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really had no plans to write this tonight. I was working on another project when I got fed up with it and wrote this out of spite. I had this idea behind the scenes for quite a while now. I wrote all of this in one setting.

Simple and fulfills its small purpose.

[globalfintechseries]

HRTech Interview With Grant Tasker, Senior Director, Global Payroll At CloudPay

Hi Grant, tell us about yourself and more about your role at CloudPay…

I began my career in payroll over 30 years ago, serving in various roles within the industry. I joined CloudPay in 2011 as an Implementation Consultant where I focused on implementing payrolls using our technology. This role sparked my interest in how technology supports businesses and people.

From there, I managed Operations for EMEA and then moved into a global role as Senior Director of Global Payroll where I currently oversee business processes and improvements. This includes technology, automation and updates across our entire organization. Leading teams and driving this area of the business is something I take great pride in. From my first role at CloudPay to the one I’m in currently, I’ve consistently aimed to provide the best technology for our customers to support their business operations.

Can you talk about some of the most interesting HRTech innovations you’ve seen from the global HRTech market that’s redefining or enabling better HR payroll processes?

The HRTech industry has made significant strides in absorbing and processing data. The ability to funnel data and validations directly into payroll systems from various HCM platforms globally is remarkable.

This innovation impacts both global and local markets. For instance, local integrations with systems like Workday and the exposure to payroll information through mobile apps will revolutionize employees’ access to payroll data anytime and anywhere. Currently, local payroll processing is a cumbersome, manual process prone to errors. Now, real-time validation of local payroll information will enable quicker, more accurate payroll processes. Our customers have found this update to be a game-changer, allowing employees direct access to their payroll data.

What are some of the top payroll changes that most mid to large organizations still struggle with?

One major challenge is optimizing global payroll operations. This requires an internal transformation of pay codes and payments, especially when investing in a central HCM system. Businesses need to organize HCM pay codes within the system and transfer data prior to implementation. Although this upfront effort can be demanding, it saves significant time in configuration and ensures accurate data storage in the long run. Organizing payments and deductions early on is crucial for global expansion as it simplifies working with a payroll provider and supports efficient global operations.

Catch more HRTech Insights: HRTech Interview with Jonathan Leaf, CRO at BambooHR

As startups and smaller teams start expanding and going global: what payroll fundamentals should they keep in mind according to you?

For smaller teams looking to go global, my advice is to review what data is required for accurate processing from the start and then consolidate the collection of that data.  As businesses and teams expand, they need to consider the vast amount of data and varying global payments and deductions that exist in their organization. 

Accurate data collection is fundamental to successful global growth, ensuring payroll accuracy and timely employee payments. For example, one of my smaller customers wanted to implement a new HCM integration into CloudPay instead of using templates. We were ready to proceed, but it was discovered that data sources varied across different offices. As a result, it was going to take them much longer to feel the benefits of a central solution.

How can seamless payroll experiences drive better employee journeys?

At the end of the day, the most important aspect of any payroll company is to pay employees accurately and on time, despite any additional features offered by the solution. One of the biggest drivers of a seamless payroll experience is customers taking the initiative to organize their data, ensuring it is accurate and provided as timely as possible.

Paying employees late or inaccurately significantly impacts overall performance and satisfaction. Payroll departments are often blamed for mistakes made when, in fact, internal challenges within other departments (and the data they provide!) can have a downstream effect with employees’ pay. This includes providing late or inaccurate data to the payroll department for processing, which negatively impacts the employee journey. Ensuring accurate data collection from the beginning and working closely with the payroll provider guarantees that the employees are paid accurately and on time, presenting a seamless experience for the employee. 

[pashterlengkap]

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s latest move called “idiotic” by angry GOP colleagues

House Republicans are blasting anti-LGBTQ+ Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) over her recent surprise motion to oust House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA). They’re calling Greene’s move “idiotic,” “abhorrent,” and “a big mistake.” Last Friday, Green threatened a motion to oust Johnson because he allowed the House to vote on a $1.2 trillion government spending bill that included funding for “trans ideology,” as she put it. The proposed bill initially had over 50 anti-LGBTQ+ provisions, but all but one — a ban on flying Pride flags at foreign U.S. embassies — were removed from the final version signed into law this last weekend. Related: Joe Biden humiliated Donald Trump in just five scathing words Ouch. “I filed the motion to vacate today, but it’s more of a warning and a pink slip,” Greene told reporters after filing the motion on Friday. She said she will use Congress’ current two-week recess to determine when to ask for her motion to be formally recognized. After it’s recognized, the House will have two days to consider whether to take action on it. Insights for the LGBTQ+ community Subscribe to our briefing for insights into how politics impacts the LGBTQ+ community and more. Daily * Weekly * Good News * However, her Republican colleagues seem to hate what’s she’s doing. Rep. Clay Higgins (R-LA), called her move a “mistake.” “I consider Marjorie Taylor Greene to be my friend. She’s still my friend. But she just made a big mistake,” he said Friday, according to The Hill. “To think that one of our Republican colleagues would call for his ouster right now — it’s really, it’s abhorrent to me and I oppose it.” Rep. Mike Lawler (R-NY) said,“It’s not only idiotic, but it actually does not do anything to advance the conservative movement. And in fact, it undermines the country, and our majority.” Rep. Greg Pence (R-IN) said, “This isn’t good for the party. When I go home, people are tuning out what’s going on in the House because of the lack of progress, the chaos that’s happening. And I’d like us to get together and work together. We’re moving in the wrong direction of getting together.” Even anti-LGBTQ+ Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), who spearheaded the late 2023 ouster of former Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA), told Politico, “I’m just not ready to support a motion to vacate.” Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN), who joined Gaetz in voting to remove McCarthy last year, told reporters that he’s “currently” against removing Johnson. While speaking to reporters on Friday morning, Greene said that the bill “funds [diversity, equity, and inclusion policies]. It funds trans ideology on our youth as young as 12 years old. We’re already in crisis.”  She also falsely claimed that the bill funds full-term abortion,” meaning abortions up to the point that the fetus can live outside of the birthing parent, which isn’t legal anywhere in the United States. Earlier last week, she held a Hearing on Investigating the Black Market of Baby Organ Harvesting, and invited debunked conspiracy theorists who echoed her false claims. Nonetheless, Greene’s complaints reflect those of conservatives in the House Freedom Caucus. Caucus members had tried to use budget negotiations to end government funding of any entity that “promotes transgenderism” or provides gender-affirming care; any federal agencies pursuing policies to expand diversity, equality, and inclusivity (DEI); any legal consequences for federal contractors who discriminate against LGBTQ+ people but claim their religion made them do it; and any implementation of the Department of Education’s rules requiring schools to accommodate trans students. In late 2023, Republican House members adopted a rule that allows them to easily oust their speaker. The rule was used to oust former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) in late 2023 after he worked with Democrats to pass a budget bill, something Johnson is now accused of doing.  It’s… http://dlvr.it/T4cMJ7

[sometimesrosy]

Hi Rosy. I think I’m going through a life crisis. I’ve sent you some asks over the years and somehow just venting it out to the internet makes me feel better. I’m sorry I’m specifically “targeting” you though. I’m 27, with a steady minimum wage job, a degree in an area that I don’t relate to anymore, with an apartment bought at about 1 year ago, a wonderful partner, and two amazing cats. I don’t like my job. I’ve been there for almost 3 years and I still get paid minimum wage. It has no career progression whatsoever, and doesn’t fulfill me in any way. Ive been looking for jobs but this is an industrial area with lots of jobs for “men”, and very few for women that aren’t cleaning or at restaurants. The few administrative jobs that pop up are either temporary or the company won’t say anything back. It’s been like this for years and I’m fully feeling it now. I’ve thought about moving out of the country but my partner isn’t a fan of that idea. I’ve thought about studying again in a completely different area, but I’m not sure up to what point I’d do that to try and run from my current situation and not because I really really want to work in that area. I am at a loss. Some say I should be more than happy, I have a steady job with a nice schedule, a house, a partner that does everything for me. But I can’t help but feel that I’m staying behind in every aspect. My career isn’t going forward, the house is nice but we can barely afford some repairs that it needs, much less new furniture, etc. It’s super hard to save for whatever it is. This is such a small town that it barely has classes of anything to better myself personally. I’m just sad with my life.

Okay, so since you're in a stable situation that isn't going anywhere but also isn't demanding much of you, why don't you use this time to figure out what the next step is and then get your ducks in a row.

Real, substantial change takes a lot of time and many steps. You know that your career isn't working and you need to find a new one. Good. You've identified a need.

Now figure out what job you want to do and what you need to do to start doing it.

Are there jobs in your area that you might want to do but you aren't qualified for? That's when you get training or more education. Do you need to find a way to make a living maybe on the internet? It does help when you are limited in your region. Do you want to try starting your own business? Do you want to try to find a way into the traditionally male jobs? Do you want to look slightly outside of your reason and deal with a bit of a commute? Or do you want to try lowering your cost of living so you can get away with gig economy jobs?

There are opportunities out there for you, you may just not be ready for them right this minute. Give yourself time to figure it out.

Caveat: I'm not really someone you should be taking professional business or economic advice from because I'm an absolutely terrible capitalist. Half the time I just refuse. But I do think there are opportunities if you expand your mindset.

[punkeybouquet]

Puzzle Tov !

Dear reader between the lines, have an inspirational drive.

After the grounding night contact with a road I'm finally ready to start the key column.

Just in time

if it existed.  

11.11.

It's not just a date, it's a powerful twin flame ouch’ point.  Explosion sounds and rapper hand gestures.

I can't and won't tell everything 1111 I know in one column, as it's a never-ending topic and only a few of my loved ones know that somehow I got so fucked up that I did some research on this connection and wrote nine long poems about it, with which I performed undercover on stage.

They would be here if they weren't in ruzzian.

But I keep writing in Ukrainian and English about what the universe is capable of when it comes to this holy connection

gradually

we are still not ready for it, and very often pretend not to notice it or we don't notice it and pretend to notice it in someone else.

TF is connection between people that is signed by the heavenly office and tossed into a parallel reality when it catches up with a person.

Not to be confused with a soulmate though (which are people you meet through your life who are meant to help your soul grow and expand).

The Twin Flame is more like you have the same energy, it feels like victory, meditation, perpetual celebration and last but not least, a resource to change the world. Make a positive difference in the world, making it an even deeper, more powerful. 

More light and awareness to the planet through the union of two people loving each other so deeply that everyone can see and feel it is a fucking magic. There's no other way to put and why should I.

The spiritual purpose of having a Twin Flame in life isn't just to help our soul grow — we have learned to cope on our own, because we are increasingly pulling the blanket over ourselves daffodils, sometimes forgetting that we are warmer under the blanket together (speaks more for herself than for the statistics collected).

It's too bad we're stupid creatures. We see a powerful connection, we go to have sex. For hours and days and weeks. And then we get tired of each other and split up. Never finding out that that powerful connection was given to change the world together and then, celebrating the victories, of course having sex.

Understanding the 1111 synchronicity and twin flames can make your journey a lot easier.

If you’re seeing it repeat a lot, then you should start paying attention. Where and when it appears? It might be trying to draw your attention in a specific direction.

“The union of twin flames is a rare, powerful, and magnetic connection that both twins will feel instantly, but that doesn’t mean it’s always an easy relationship.

Both sides have to be advanced into their spiritual journey, healed from their own personal traumas, and free of a lot of baggage to be able to come together more harmoniously. Otherwise, the reunion may be delayed or complicated.

There is a higher purpose for twin flames uniting on this planet. Usually, the unit comes with a strong urge to create something together that will expand the consciousness of the entire world. They will ascend together and create a higher vibration.”

For Twin Flames, these concurrences happens to remind the two souls that they’re a part of the same journey even though they are living separate lives.

The 11:11 has a special meaning in the TF connection.

The number 1 represents individuality and unity. Therefore, the two 1’s coming together in 11 signify two souls coming together. The number 11 is known as the master number.

Eleven is a remarkably spiritual number that is often referred to as the twin flame number. Many people think of it as a wake-up call for twin flames, because it is The Start.

You see, it's a new level of love beginning.

And this level of love is…

isn’t going anywhere.

There are a lot of stars in our absurdly chaotic modern sky.

Find your own.

Or rather, it will find it for you

And if yours is already with you, just press your finger on the shoulder of your spiritual twin to believe again that such happiness is real

All love to all.

And putting it into everything we come in contact with.

A.

***Маніфестація працює, афірмації працюють, вдячність працює, нова валюта допомога іншим працює.

Manifestation works, affirmations work, gratitude works, the new currency of helping others works.

La manifestation fonctionne, les affirmations fonctionnent, la gratitude fonctionne, la nouvelle devise de l'aide aux autres fonctionne.

Manifestation funktioniert, Affirmationen funktionieren, Dankbarkeit funktioniert, die neue Währung der Hilfe für andere funktioniert.

マニフェステーションも、アファメーションも、感謝も、人助けという新しい通貨も、すべてうまくいくのです。