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adropofgoldenrachelx · 3 years

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No Show - A Thread: Part One

Summary: Rachel has been a no show for a while and Toulouse shows up at her door to find out what’s going down. She tells him her story, and why she’s been hauled up inside for a week. It’s kinda sad but also it’s cute and we’re not sorry. Reply order: Rachel, Toulouse (blockquotes).

Featuring: Rachel and @beaumont-ague , Mom (Arianna) and Dad (Fredrick). Also guest appearance from Dad’s Moustache.

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of panic attacks, flashbacks, references to past trauma as with the drabble.

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It wasn’t like Rachel to choose not to go to her classes. She hadn’t missed a single day (except for three days where she was overcome with an unfortunate flu and forced to stay in her bed) since enrollment, and by every intention she wouldn’t miss another. College had been a grand milestone in her life, after finding her freedom and spending her first two years in an intense schooling program to bring her up to the standard (or as close to) of her peers. It hadn’t been easy, given what they were working with, but she worked her butt off and was finally allowed to enrol in Redwood College when she received her high school diploma. Rachel loved learning, so much so that, after finding enough courage, she would sneak into the back of lecture halls she wasn’t enrolled for just so she could learn as much as humanly possible.

So, for Rachel to be missing from class for a day, two days, a week was strange.

She hadn’t told anyone she wouldn’t be there. It hadn’t been planned, but she had lost so much sleep lately that she slept in for her morning lecture, and then couldn’t face showing up late in the afternoon. It spiralled from there, and now here she was, cooped up in her bedroom a week later wishing she wasn’t. Artist Block she would say, all the while painting away at the mural on her bedroom wall.

It was Rachel’s father, Frederick, who answered the door. He was an imposing figure, moustached for the gods and flaunting a raised brow at the young man who had knocked looking for his daughter.

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse didn’t really pay attention to who he saw and who he didn’t see around campus on a daily basis. Actually, he never really paid all that much attention to anything on campus, let alone people. He was always in his own world, rushing to classes or trying to get inspiration for a new piece. However, one person that he knew for sure he hadn’t seen in a few days was Rachel. At first, it hadn’t dawned on him that he didn’t see her for a few days. What gave it away, was the fact that he’d delivered his latest gift to her for their gift exchange, he hadn’t received one back. Even if they’d only known each other a short period of time, it just didn’t seem to be in character for her to up and quit. At least not without an explanation.

Of course, that wasn’t why he was worried or upset. He didn’t mind that she hadn’t given him a gift. In fact, he did feel slightly guilty for enjoying that he was currently winning. The lack of gifts in their exchange had simply alerted him to the fact that he hadn’t seen her recently, prompting him to ask around. Rachel was fairly popular. Of course she was, he thought to himself as he’d gotten plenty of answers when asking for her around campus. Toulouse had managed to get her address, and fortunately someone was nice enough to tip him off that her parents could be sort of… strict. How strict, he hadn’t known, but he thought it better to make a decent impression than show up in his sweatshirt and joggers that he’d been wearing to class. Substituting them for a polo with some slacks and loafers was a much better choice.

It wasn’t that he didn’t take pride in his appearance, he really did. But, it was to be expected of a college kid to just want to get through class, and really, he didn’t have that many people to impress. Throwing on a watch and trying to comb his unruly mess of hair before leaving, Toulouse made sure to bring his phone and one of his rings, which he often used as a fidget toy. He didn’t suspect he’d need it, but it wouldn’t hurt to have it along. When he’d arrived at Rachel’s address -at least, he hoped it was the correct address- he was met by a rather tall man with an even more intimidating mustache. This was where his proper etiquette would come in handy.

“Hi Sir,” he greeted the man politely with confidence. “My name is Toulouse Beaumont, I go to school with your daughter. Some of us were worried when we realized we hadn’t seen her around the campus in a few days, and were hoping to see that she was alright. I also had some assignments to drop off for her, if that’s alright?” Holding out a small stack of papers, only the top was a legitimate assignment. The rest were ones he’d made up, copying previous lesson plans he’d seen or received. Of course, no one else would know that without a very close inspection. “One we’re supposed to work on together, actually,” he added quickly after, to strengthen the chance he might get to actually see Rachel. Her father could very easily just take the papers and ask him to leave, which he had prepared for, though he was optimistic.

—————————————————————————————————

Frederick could hardly help himself from vetting everyone that came within a ten mile radius of Rachel and their home, and had no intention of being any less intimidating when Toulouse introduced himself politely, or explained the reason for his visit. “Rachel is doing perfectly fine,” he answered, offering no further explanation to her current plight. It was none of this young man’s business, after all. “I’ll pass the a--” Frederick was soon interrupted.

Rachel’s mom had been in the sitting room reading, but emerged behind her husband shortly after Toulouse introduced himself. Arianna was a touch more savvy than her husband (though not any less protective) and knew that it was important for Rachel to still see her friends. She recognised his name after Rachel had come home from the festival gushing about paper flowers and cupcakes. Arianna didn’t have to say much to Frederick -a cough and a lifted brow was enough- before he stepped out of the doorframe begrudgingly.

“Rachel’s in her room,” Arianna offered, gesturing to the foot of the stairs. It was important to her that Rachel was treated like everyone else, and if that meant letting her friends in to see her, then so be it. The young man didn’t seem like he would hurt a fly anyway and Arianna was sure her daughter wouldn’t want to miss out on too much work. “You can head up, but knock on her door first. If she doesn’t answer, I’ll pass the assignment on for you.”

Rachel was still occupied by her painting, huddled under a quilt on the floor like she was turning into a human tent. She wasn’t sure how long she had been trying to mix this very specific shade of coral, but she had every intention of keeping at it, humming and singing and mumbling to herself to pass the time and fill the silence.

Had she any inkling that Toulouse might appear, she would have made herself look slightly more presentable, maybe even tidying up her paints and forty other hobbies and projects she had been occupying her hands (and her mind with) over the week.

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse was never that great at talking to older men, and he knew the exact reason why, but he didn’t feel the need to disclose that at the moment. Fathers and father figures just weren’t a comfortable subject for him. Mothers, on the other hand, were different. He knew how to win over the heart of a mother figure. If it weren’t for Rachel’s mother sitting in the other room, he was sure that he would have to go back to his dorm and try to figure out a different way to speak to Rachel. Thank god for that, as she quickly stepped in to allow him into their home.

With a grateful smile, Toulouse gave her a wave. “Thank you, I really appreciate it. I promise I won’t overstay my welcome.” If Rachel didn’t want company, he’d leave willingly. Still, it didn’t hurt to try, right? He mainly was just glad to hear that she was alright. Toulouse hadn’t completely lied when he said there was something that the both of them were meant to work on. It just wasn’t an official assignment. Rather, something to cheer her up. That was of course, permitted that she wanted to be seen.

Taking the stairs up to the second floor, Toulouse took a guess at where Rachel’s room would be, and was just about to knock when he heard soft humming on the other side. Definitely her room, then, he thought to himself. His hand had been raised, ready to knock, though it slowly lowered as he listened to her sing more. She sounded nice, better than most people who casually sang to themselves. It may have been a selfish move, but rather than announce his presence, he stayed for a moment and just enjoyed her singing, eventually joining in subconsciously as he leaned up against the wall.

—————————————————————————————————

Arianna offered Toulouse a sweet smile, all the while side-eyeing her husband who had puffed up his chest and was acting a little miffed. She would have a gentle word with him later, but for now they would leave Toulouse to it. Rachel’s room wasn’t terribly hard to locate, as she had started painting her door with some pretty flowers (fully intending on moving on to every door in the house when she had the time for it).

Rachel continued to sing, none the wiser to the listening ear at her door. She liked to sing, finding it a pleasant way to fill silence. She sang in the studio sometimes, and she sang in the shower, and when she was making breakfast. It was a comfortable past-time. Of course, she didn’t always have an audience (a visible one anyway) and so the faint voice from the hallway, matching her song, caught her off guard. Dad didn’t sing (and the voice wasn’t deep enough to be Dad’s if he did). After a short continuation, to make sure she wasn’t going completely loopy and making up harmonies in her head, Rachel’s singing fizzled out.

There was a brief panic that her parents had left the house, and someone had broken into her house. (That had happened before, it wasn’t a wild conclusion to draw.) With her quilt still draped over her shoulders, Rachel grabbed the first thing at hand (thankfully not a frying pan) and crept toward her bedroom door, opening it just enough that she could see who was standing on the other side and close it swiftly if she had to.

It was a surprise (a pleasant one) to find Toulouse leaning on the wall outside her room, a stack of papers in hand (and an equally pleasant look on his face.)

Oh no. Oh no, the room is a mess! My hair is a mess! I’m holding a weapon! He’s gonna think I’m a weirdo!!!

There was no time to fix anything, so all she could do was stare dumbfounded from behind her door frame. “Hi…” Rachel managed, throwing on the closest thing she could find to a cheery smile. Should she bring up the singing thing? It was kinda cute… No, no that would be peak weirdo, he obviously didn’t know she could hear him, right..? She went for the safe option. Or rather, the obvious question that anyone who wasn’t totally freaking out right now would ask. “Uh… Come here often?” Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right one.

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse wasn’t sure how long he would wait before knocking on the door. He was preoccupied listening to her sing, which was probably weird, in hindsight, but he’d deal with those consequences later. Sure enough, later came quickly, and Rachel was opening the door faster than Toulouse expected her too. Maybe he was singing a bit louder than he thought, since it seemed a little too coincidental that she would be leaving her room at that moment.

He made no comments about her appearance, or the fact that she was only looking at him through a crack in her bedroom door. “No, actually. Not yet, at least,” Toulouse responded to her question with a chuckle. “Actually, I’m sort of surprised I made it this far. Remind me to thank your mom later.” Clearly Rachel wasn’t expecting company, and he could understand why. Anyone who knocked on the door would have likely been greeted by Mr. Moustachio, potentially with a scripted list of questions before being turned away. He wasn’t rude, just... stern, from the impression Toulouse gathered.

It was at that moment that his eyes lowered a bit to an object that Rachel was holding in her hand. Pointing to it hesitantly, Toulouse furrowed his brows before asking, “Is that… is that a lamp?” The amount of effort it took for him to keep a straight face was almost painstaking, a smile creeping onto his face as he tried not to laugh. He sort of understood, afterall, given that he’d just been standing outside her room with no warning. “Maybe we ought to plug that in, yeah? It’d be a bit hard to read these in the dark.” He gestured to the papers in his hand.

Mentioning the assignments was mainly so that in case her father was listening to their conversation downstairs, his story would ring true. While he didn’t want to invite himself into Rachel’s room, as that was sort of a private matter, the suggestion of plugging in the lamp and going over the papers implied that it might be easier to do so somewhere other than the hallway.

—————————————————————————————————

Rachel was kicking herself for her awkwardness, though Toulouse seemed to take her stupid question in his stride. It had hardly occurred to her that Toulouse would have knocked the front door, and that Dad would have answered it. He meant well, Rachel knew, but she wished he was less stubborn sometimes. “Oh, you made it past Dad,” she laughed apologetically. “Sorry about him, he’s kind of… He means well.”

Rachel grimaced, glancing down at the lamp in hand. What on earth was she thinking? That a lamp could save her butt? She floundered for a reasonable explanation as to why she brought a lamp with her to greet a guest at the door. “... Yes… Yes, this is a lamp. I was just-- It needed… dusting...” Yeah, that could work. She was going to dust it! The reality was Rachel was jumpy, but there was no chance she was going to explain that right now.

Wildly embarrassed at sporting the lamp, but deciding hiding behind the door was only making it worse, Rachel opened the door just enough to invite Toulouse in, still hiding behind the door itself. Now that she knew she wouldn’t have to use the lamp on him, it seemed silly to leave him standing out in the hallway. “Sorry,” Rachel laughed quietly. “Uh, you can come in just-- Ignore the mess?”

By Rachel standards, the room was a bombsite but it wasn’t nearly as messy as she thought it was. Everything had a place, and she tidied every morning when she woke up to make sure nothing was amiss. There were paints and a few sketchbooks dotted around the floor that she had been using, and a half eaten plate of cookies on her dresser as well as a few odds and ends not in their proper home. (Notably, the paper flowers Toulouse had given her at the Hootenanny had a special place on the centre of her bookcase, inside a tiny vase, and the other gifts from their competition were set out neatly on her desk by the window.) By any other standards, her room was perfectly fine but she scurried to place the lamp back where it belonged and then set about moving a few things to make the place seem more presentable.

—————————————————————————————————

This was probably the first time that Toulouse got to see Rachel’s awkward side. It was a nice change of pace, really, though he wouldn’t dare say that out loud. No, he would keep that to himself for his own enjoyment. “I can tell. It’s alright, seriously. I’d probably be a little weary too about some strange kid showing up at my doorstep.” Giving a shrug, he looked back at her with a playful grin.

Did he believe the lie? Of course not. Did he pretend to? Yes, yes he did. “Makes sense. I usually forget to dust my lamps, but you know, too much dust could be a fire hazard. Good on you for being proactive.” Toulouse was grateful for the invitation inside, slipping past the door. Truthfully, he was pretty curious to see what her room was like. Toulouse always thought that a person’s bedroom was another outward expression of themselves, and to be invited into one was a rather intimate matter in a different way than most people would associate it. He liked his space, and only if he fully trusted someone would he ever let them into his room back home. At school, it was slightly different, but still, he liked to control who was and was not allowed to see certain things.

Immediately, he started to look around, not at the so-called mess that Rachel tried to get him to ignore, but all of the things that made this Rachel’s room. Besides, it was hardly messy at all. He noticed the paper flowers that he had gotten her, which made him smile, perhaps even more than seeing all of their little knick knacks from their gift exchange going on. Then, he noticed that Rachel was fussing about, trying to clean and organize what she likely saw as the mess she’d left behind, not thinking anyone would be over. “You don’t have to do all of that. Trust me, my room is five times messier than this when I’m home for longer than the weekend. I’ve seen far worse,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood before bringing up the serious topic. “Sorry I didn’t say anything before showing up. But, since you never returned the gift I gave you last time, I just had to come find out your excuse.”

His words were light, and playful, and much better at bringing up the subject of Rachel’s absence than flat out asking her why she hadn’t been at school recently. It must have been a good reason, considering it wasn’t like her to skip, from what he knew about her, and the fact that she looked hesitant and possibly even scared to open her door.

—————————————————————————————————

It seemed her Father was weary of anyone that showed up at the door looking for Rachel, whether they were rough and tumble or not, but she couldn’t blame him for it, given circumstances. Of course, Toulouse didn’t know the circumstances. Maybe if none of this had happened Toulouse could have waltzed right in. “I did tell him about you, a little, but there’s not much convincing him everyone is fine.”

She glanced at the lamp, giving it a quick dust (partly to prove the lie, mostly because Toulouse was totally right and she didn’t want the curtains catching fire.) “Yeah, it’s always the last thing to get cleaned, I guess.“ Despite the insistence that she didn’t have to tidy up, Rachel continued to do so anyway, putting things back where they were supposed to be, with the exception of the paints that she intended on using to work on her mural after Toulouse left again. If anything, it was nerves. Something to keep herself occupied with that didn’t involve any anxious tugging at her hair (her tell). Usually she was better practiced in hiding all of her messy feelings, except for those who knew her, but she wasn’t having much luck today. “At least let me clear you a seat,” Rachel insisted, lifting a few cushions to give them a good fluff before she plopped them down at the bottom of her bed. She didn’t have guests over very often, and her desk chair wasn’t the most comfortable. Cass always sat on her bed when she visited, so it didn’t seem strange to think Toulouse could do the same.

Rachel gasped with the realisation that, in cooping herself up, she had forgotten all about Toulouse’s gift. So much so that she hadn’t even thought about making it yet. Immediately, she jumped to the conclusion that he must think she was a terrible friend for not keeping the exchange going and then saying nothing to him all week. That was textbook bad friend, right? “Oh no! I-- Sorry! I forgot all about it and I haven’t made it yet but I promise I’ll return it by, like, Tuesday.”

(Toulouse, well-intentioned though he was, had picked a bad week to visit.)

“It’s just that it’s been kind of a weird week and I got… artist’s block and stuff and it went totally out of my head.”

—————————————————————————————————

It came as a bit of a shock to hear Rachel admit that she told her parents about him. Surely that was normal though, wasn’t it? To talk about your friends to your parents? Toulouse never really understood those parents who had known their children's friends for years and yet still couldn’t be bothered to remember their names. He hoped that if he were ever to become one that he wouldn’t be one of those. “Maybe he’ll warm up in time,” the blond shrugged. Not that Toulouse was planning on coming over every day, as that was a bit excessive to think about now, but still he’d hoped to spend more time with Rachel in the future, thus meaning eventually they’d probably come round each other’s homes more often. His mother would definitely be more than willing to have her over.

Something was definitely wrong. Over the years, Toulouse had been able to pick up on habits that people tended to develop under stress or trauma, and this was giving him flashbacks. Clearly Rachel was bothered by something, and though he wanted to be there to listen to it, he also didn’t want to force her to talk about something she didn’t want to. Clearing them spaces to sit was fair enough, so he didn’t object. Before sitting down, Toulouse took his shoes off so as to not get anything dirty.

Unfortunately for Toulouse, Rachel must have been too focused in her manic cleaning spree and overthinking that she didn’t understand he’d meant to go about it in a light hearted way. That wasn’t what he cared about, really, but he wanted Rachel to open up on her own terms. “Hey, hey, it’s fine, Rachel, really.” Anything he said however was going in one ear and out the other as Rachel continued to ramble. Finally, Toulouse just reached forward and grabbed her hands, squeezing them to get her attention. “It’s fine. I’m not worried about the gift, or how long it takes, really. Don’t fuss over it. I’ll survive another week, I’m sure,” he smiled softly, shaking his head to reassure her that he didn’t need it right there and then.

Letting her hands go, Toulouse put them by his sides as he scooted further back onto the bed. “Everyone gets artists’ block now and then, no need to stress about it. I just meant that you haven’t been around, recently. Is everything ok?”

—————————————————————————————————

"I hope so," Rachel replied casually, truly hoping her Dad would relax a little more around any of her friends. He seemed to like Cass well enough, but Rachel guessed that was mostly because of her job. She didn't invite many other friends over, but that was mostly because she preferred spending as little time indoors as she could. Still, it would have been nice if Dad's moustache didn't turn upside down whenever he was greeted with a new guest.

Rachel was trying very hard to remain as chill as possible, and keep the freaking out to a bare minimum. Usually she was better at hiding her worry than this, or she thought so at least (but there was a lot to unpack with that, which was another thing Rachel didn't need to completely spiral over). Her smile was still genuine, thankful for the company that Toulouse offered, but it didn't quite hit her eyes in the usual sunny way.

It felt a little like she was walking in circles, moving things here and there that didn't need to be moved and she would have kept at it had Toulouse not taken her hands, catching her off guard and stopping her in her tracks. Rachel had jumped to so many conclusions in a minute that now she felt all kinds of silly for worrying over nothing. The squeeze of their hands was just enough to halt that worry. "Are you sure..?" Rachel asked quietly, just to be totally one hundred percent sure that he wasn't actually upset about the gift thing.

It was an instinct to twist the ends of a lock of hair when he let go, rapping it absently around her fingers as she sighed onto the free space on the bed. She didn't think anyone would notice her absence enough to wonder where she was, let alone come to check up on her. Rachel hesitated too long to reasonably answer yes to Toulouse's concern. Artist block wouldn't cut it. Would a proper explanation do any better though? Rachel wasn't sure what she could even say without the risk of Toulouse freaking out too.

"I've been worse?" Rachel admitted finally, a grimace masked by a bashful laugh. "It's… hard to explain. I didn't think anyone would notice I was gone, I'll be honest. I just… I mean, I wanted to go to class but I just couldn't, I guess. I don't know."

—————————————————————————————————

As someone who was used to having his own difficulties with anxiety, Toulouse understood that Rachel was probably just acting on those impulses, which was why he didn’t try harder to stop her from running about and cleaning. Sometimes you just had to get it out of your system, and he understood that. Control what you could, and confront what you couldn’t. Only, it was the confronting part that he was worried about for her. Had she even taken the time to sit down and process why she had been missing classes? He didn’t know the reason himself, but he hoped that she did, and would understand why that was.

Grateful that catching her hands seemed to calm her down at least a little bit, he nodded casually with a smile. “Absolutely. Besides, you know you never even had to get me one in the first place. I haven’t been expecting any of the ones you’ve given so far. Actually, I was kind of hoping you’d give up one day, ‘cause that’d mean that I won,” he teased, laughing as she sat down on the bed.

Anything was hard to explain when it came with emotional baggage. Toulouse was sure that he could handle it, though, after years of practice. “Try me. I bet you I’ve heard stranger stories.” When she mentioned not assuming anyone would notice she was gone, however, Toulouse took that a bit personally. He didn’t show it of course, but the personal offence was only because he really didn’t think Rachel was being as kind to herself as she could be. “How could someone not? I mean, you’re probably one of the most outgoing people who go to that school. It’d be stupid for no one to notice.”

Laying down on his side, Toulouse propped himself up onto his elbow, his gaze softening as he looked to her to continue speaking. He wanted to know as much as she would tell him, but didn’t push too far. “That’s understandable, I mean sometimes we all need a break to deal with emotional things. Do you think talking about it might help? I’m a great listener, if I do say so myself,” he humbly bragged, trying to get her to smile.

“Or, if you’d prefer, I can ask you questions completely unrelated to any of that, and try to take your mind off of it? I have the perfect one to start,” Toulouse assured. “For example…” His facial expression suddenly got quite serious, leaning in slightly toward her as if to tell her some sort of precious secret. “How long did it take your dad to grow that moustache?” He couldn’t even keep a straight face as he nearly burst into laughter, shaking his head. “But really, I have to know! It’s quite impressive.”

—————————————————————————————————

Glad that Toulouse wasn’t fussed about the gift, Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. It was one less thing to worry about. That being said, there was no way she was not going to give him a gift at some point just because she was feeling down. It was a competition, after all. Rachel wasn’t a quitter. “Sorry, you haven’t won yet. This is just a momentary interlude.”

“Trust me, you really haven’t…” Rachel insisted through an awkward laugh, running her fingers through her hair. She would be willing to put a bet on it, actually. If it wasn’t her own story, she would have thought the whole kidnapped as a baby, raised by a fake ‘Mother’ in isolation for nineteen years, then rescued by some dude who eventually abandoned you and became your art teacher four years later all while coming out relatively unscathed thing was totally made up. Truthfully, it had been suggested to Rachel that she didn’t bring it up as flippantly as she had done when she was first introduced to the outside world and now she wasn’t really sure if she should bring it up ever. She said nothing to the fact that people might actually notice if she was gone, shrugging it off to avoid arguing another case against herself.

“I’m not sure if I should,” Rachel admitted meekly. It might not do any harm, or it could tarnish Flynn’s newfound reputation. Rachel held her breath when Toulouse leaned in like he was about to tell her a secret, and snorted a laugh when his question came. It was a totally unexpected one. “He does have a very impressive moustache, doesn’t he?” Rachel nodded, relaxing just enough to keep laughing. “He’s had it as long as I’ve known him. I think he even had the moustache on his wedding day.”

A distraction would have been welcome, but it also could have been part of the problem. Everything previously scattered around her room had been a distraction, as was the current patch of wet paint on the wall, and the five batches of cookies she had baked for everyone at the precinct, and everything else she had done until she couldn’t take it any longer. Rachel desperately wanted the distraction Toulouse was bringing in making her laugh -Cass would have insisted she face the problem head on instead- but if Toulouse had any intention of sticking around, it made sense that he would have to know what was going on.

Rachel hesitated for a moment, looking rather serious as she looked for any sign that Toulouse would nope on out of the conversation the moment he realised just how much baggage she was about to unload on him. He seemed trustworthy enough, but that kind of thinking had gotten her burned before. “Can I trust you?” she asked. It seemed the simplest way of knowing. She didn’t think he would lie. “I mean, I probably should actually tell you some things if we’re going to be friends and all that but if I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out.”

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse had to admit by now that he was curious. What could be so mind boggling that Rachel seemed to think he would find her crazy. He had his own fucked up past, sure, and knew very well that most people did. For whatever reason that just didn’t seem to fit Rachel’s personality. For someone so nice to have such dark secrets… it was both scary and intriguing. “Hey, I understand. Trust me, I won’t take it personally if you don’t want to. I wouldn’t want to make you talk about it.”

Hearing Rachel laugh was possible one of the best sounds he’d ever heard. The worrying after not seeing her for a week or so had been dialed down once he made it past her front step, but making her laugh made it worth the concern. “Do you think it takes a lot of effort to keep it looking so nice? I mean, one could only imagine,” he continued, chuckling to himself as they joked around. The joking didn’t last forever though, and by the expression change on Rachel’s face, he wondered if she was going to start opening up more.

Had Rachel not looked so serious, Toulouse might have answered somewhat sarcastically. But with Rachel, his sarcasm meter was usually lower anyway. So instead, he gave her a reassuring nod. “Of course. I trust you, so I hope you would be able to trust me. Here, give me your pinky.” Toulouse shifted closer to her, sitting upright on the bed with his own pinky extended. “Have you ever heard of a pinky promise? They can never be broken, so that means they’re extra special,” he explained with a smile.

Toulouse took his pinky promises very seriously. Hopefully Rachel would too, since this was the best way that he could think of to ensure she trusted him. “You should never make a pinky promise if you plan on going back on your word. So, I’m going to pinky promise to you, that whatever you tell me, anything at all, whether it be that you have an evil twin, or like… you hate coffee or something ridiculous,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Whatever it is, I pinky promise I won’t freak out, and that you can trust me with anything.”

—————————————————————————————————

“Don’t tell him I told you, but he spends ages in the bathroom preening it.” A sincere smile swept Rachel’s features as she looped Toulouse’s pinky around her own. Rachel never broke a promise. She liked having a signifier of trust here. “Thank you,” she replied gently and could only hope he meant it.

Rachel took a deep breath; it was mostly to steady herself, but it was also a preparation for the long, rambling story she was about to tell. She supposed the best way to go about telling the story was to just let it all out in one fell swoop. The quicker it was out, the quicker it was done and the quicker Rachel could shrug it all off like none of this was really that big of a deal.

“Okay, so,” she began, pushing her hair back from her face. Just rip the bandaid off. “I’m a-- I was a Milk Carton Kid. I was kidnapped when I was a baby, and raised by a woman who I thought was my mother. She homeschooled me, sort of, and said that there were people out there-- out here-- that would want to hurt me, or steal me. That I had to stay inside the house, with her, so she could protect me.”

Rachel took a pause, glancing carefully at Toulouse. Any sign of a freak out and she would end her story there. It had been the easy part for Rachel to tell, but it also happened to be the part of the story that made most people uncomfortable. Still, Toulouse promised not to freak out, and Rachel was going to hold him to it. She went on but her stomach was starting to turn itself in knots again, and the fingers through her hair found a lock to tug at.

“‘Mother’ was the only person I knew for my whole life, and she never let me-- I never-- I thought everything outside of my home was dangerous and scary, and that the ruffians and thugs would probably get me. I had thought about asking her to take me to see the lights for my birthday a few times, but something always came up so we never did… Um, but anyway, one day when ‘Mother’ was gone someone broke into our house, not realising I was in there, and I obviously totally freaked out and hit him with my frying pan because I’d never seen a grown man before.”

(At this, Rachel hoped Toulouse had forgotten about the lamp.)

“When he woke back up… I asked him to take me with him. I wanted to see the lights on my birthday, and he agreed to take me there and bring me back in one piece.”

Here, Rachel hesitated. She had lost so much sleep in the past few weeks over the next part of the story that she could feel the knots tightening, and her eyes starting to sting at the corners. That would surely be enough for Toulouse to process for a moment while she swallowed the horrible feeling.

—————————————————————————————————

When Rachel started to tell her story, Toulouse used all of his focus to make sure he was giving her his undivided attention. He could tell as soon as she started that it was a very emotional story. What he didn’t expect however was just how traumatizing it was going to be. Not wanting to be disrespectful by interrupting, Toulouse let her get everything out, hoping it would help her from stopping and creating awkward silences. Watching her body language, it was obvious that the topic was uncomfortable to talk about. For that, he commended her greatly.

As soon as she did pause, Toulouse jumped into the conversation so that she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. He had promised not to freak out, and though all of this was pretty freak out worthy, he wasn’t going to break his promise. “Wow… so you’ve only really been home for a few years? That’s… well, I couldn’t even imagine.” For Toulouse, his family meant everything. To think that Rachel was raised from such a young age to find out that her mother was just some deranged lady who’d kidnapped her? He wouldn’t have known how he’d react. No wonder she was having so many emotions the past week. Not to mention she’d robbed Rachel of things like basic human knowledge. To have never seen a grown man before sounded almost impossible.

“So… you saw them, then? And what happened after that? I mean, obviously you found your parents eventually.” Toulouse could see she was hesitant to continue. Pausing for a moment, he shifted his positioning on the bed to get more comfortable and turned to her. “You don’t have to keep going, if you don’t want to. It’s just- I know what it’s like. To you know, go through something pretty traumatic.” He didn’t want to unload all of his trauma on her, especially not when this was supposed to be a safe time and place for her to tell him what was on her mind. Rachel deserved to tell her story with no judgement and no diversions.

—————————————————————————————————

“Four years this month,” Rachel admitted quietly, a strange melancholy lingering in her chest. It felt like much longer, and somehow like no time had passed at all. Until recently, Rachel thought she had been doing just fine settling in. She had been doing just fine. No one had counted on her past bumping into her on the streets. Rachel didn’t expect Toulouse to understand what any of this had been like. Hell, she hardly expected him to believe her at all, what with how outlandish it must have sounded. But he hadn’t ran yet, and he hadn’t freaked out, like he promised. For that Rachel was thankful. So for all it was uncomfortable, she thought it was best to continue and leave nothing up to speculation.

“I did see the lights...” she replied, watching Toulouse carefully as he shifted on the bed. For the most part, Rachel had kept herself rather close, a knee pulled up to her chest, a comforting arm around it. There was an ever present twisting of her hair. She took another pause from her story to offer Toulouse a genuine, heartfelt smile, finding some sort of comfort in his reassurance. “Thank you, Toulouse…”

Determined not to hesitate again, Rachel buried her discomfort and went on. “It gets kind of complicated after that. Or more complicated, I guess. After we saw the lights, Fl-- the man was supposed to take me home, but he didn’t. He, uh… He brought me here, to Redwood Hollow instead. He left me at the Police Station without an explanation and I thought I would never see him again.”

“I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know I was missing. My birthday wasn’t even my real birthday. And suddenly they were asking all these questions, trying to get me to prove that I was this missing kid and before I knew it I was meeting my real parents and testifying against ‘Mother’ in court even though I barely knew what she had done wrong. Then they realised that I knew literally nothing, and I had to go on this schooling program just so I could maybe go to college one day…”

Of course, this explained a few things, but she didn’t think it explained why she had been skipping class, and at that thought the tears sprung from her eyes. “Sorry… This is definitely not what you signed up for.”

—————————————————————————————————

Four years. Four years! Toulouse couldn’t even imagine being away from home for one let alone four. Then again, Rachel hadn’t even known that the home she was living in wasn’t home. She hadn’t suspected anything at all until that day, and even then, she had no clue what was going on. Toulouse’s head was spinning as she told the story, it getting wilder and more complicated as she told it. Honestly, he wasn’t shocked that she remembered it all, but he was surprised that she was willing to tell it.

“Wait, so if you really had no idea that you weren’t with your actual mother until this man showed up, did he recognize you? You know… after he regained consciousness,” he chuckled awkwardly. “I mean, it’s good and all that you weren’t hurt, but that part is sort of suspicious that he would just agree to take you somewhere. Especially since he broke into the house not knowing you were there.”

It was definitely a lot to unpack. Toulouse had a hard time imagining Rachel trying to process it all back then, especially since it must have been one hell of a shock. “I mean, I signed up to listen, didn’t I?” He reassured her. After a moment, he shook his head though. “Damn… I mean, I just can’t imagine what that must have felt like.” Running a hand through his hair, Toulouse sighed, looking back at Rachel. “I’m guessing there’s more, though, right? I mean, if that was all the past, what’s been happening now?”

Before she could even respond, Toulouse held up a hand. “Wait,” he hesitated, laying down on the bed on his side and motioning for her to do the same. “Might as well get comfortable, right? Okay, I’m ready.”

—————

All Rachel could do at the question was shrug. By all accounts, it didn’t make any sense, but it had been advised that Rachel didn’t dwell too long on Flynn’s true intentions. “I guess he must have recognised me or something,” she replied, pulling some hair away from her neck to show a small, dark mark behind her left ear. “I have a birthmark shaped like a sun behind my ear, and I look a lot like my Mom when she was a teenager. He probably heard about the reward and when he realised who I was… It was a lucky fluke.”

A nod of her head followed when Toulouse asked if there was more. They were up-to-date and now the whole reason she hadn’t been in class was looming. All that other stuff had been easy in comparison to admitting that things weren’t going so great now.

Rachel froze with her mouth drooped open, paused before the answer could find her tongue. Her eyebrow raised as Toulouse held up his hand and he proceeded to lie down, and she almost assumed he was preparing for a nap at how boring he was finding her story. But then he went and made her laugh quietly despite her nerves and in spite of her tears. She didn’t move immediately, wiping her eyes with the back of her wrist, and then with a sigh she lay down on her side, propping herself on her elbow to mirror him.

“I thought I was actually doing okay until, like, a week ago…” Rachel admitted through a sniffle.

She had to think of the best way to word this part of the story. Obviously Toulouse would know who Mr Rider was, and the last thing she wanted was for any of this to taint his opinion of him. For all he had hurt her, for all she was now convinced he hadn’t cared about her at all, Rachel still thought there was good in him, and that he deserved to be treated as fairly as anyone else. With a defeated huff, she plopped down onto the bed to stare at the ceiling, half-way painted with the beginnings of a new mural.

“So, you know the man that found me? I haven’t seen him since he left me at the station four years ago. And then just before the Hootenanny I bumped into him on the street and it was like-- I don’t know, it was like nothing had happened, and obviously I was kinda surprised but I thought that was the end of it until he, like, showed up at college.” Rachel took a moment to steady herself, in between speaking a mile a minute and crying more than she wanted to. When slightly less frantic, she glanced at Toulouse out of the corner of her eye. “You know Mr Rider, the new art teacher..? That’s him. He didn’t even say anything and I’ve just been pretending we never met because I thought I would be fine, ‘cause he seemed fine. And Cass was like oh you should tell the school and get a new teacher, it’s bad for you to talk to him and I was like no, it’s fine, I’ll be fine, nothing’s gonna happen! And now… Tada! I wanted to go to school, I really did, but I just-- I couldn’t get past the driveway.”

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse could see there was a look of confusion on Rachel’s face when he asked her to wait a second. For a moment he wanted to apologize and reassure her it wasn’t a bad thing, but she seemed to come around quick enough. He could tell that she was a little emotional about all of this, but didn’t comment on it as he didn’t want her to feel embarrassed. She didn’t have to hide the fact that she was upset around him, but he did feel bad that this had impacted her so greatly. “So what happened a week ago then?”

Watching her carefully as she fell on the bed, Toulouse wondered what she was thinking about. He took the opportunity to follow her gaze to the start of a beautiful painting. Smiling to himself, he turned back to give her his attention, and just in time, it seemed. When he heard the name of the man Rachel had been talking about, Toulouse nearly sprung up out of the bed. But, he had promised to keep it together, thus the most he gave in response was a wide eyed stare. “No… no way. You’re serious?” Mr. Rider had seemed cool enough, Toulouse thought, though he always got along better with his female teachers. Of course, he hadn’t really put in the effort to get to know him, but now he kind of felt like he did. At least, a part of him.

“Wait, so Mr. Rider broke into your house? And then was still allowed to teach? How does that make any sense?” That was probably the most confusing part about all of this. Toulouse was raised with the knowledge that there were people in the world who committed crimes, but those crimes had always been followed with a consequence. Then there was the conflicting opinion of Cass, who he didn’t really know, but he had to admit they had a point. Clearly it wasn’t good for her mental health to be seeing him this soon. Not out of the blue, anyway.

“No one is going to think less of you because you missed school, Rachel. It’s okay to take that time that you need.” Rachel was still at a very vulnerable part of her life. Toulouse recognized that, and wanted to make sure she knew that it was okay. But also, he just really wanted to give her a hug. Debating it over in his head, he finally said fuck it, why not? and decided to offer one. Nudging her gently, Toulouse motioned for her to come closer, holding his arms open. “You look like you need one,” he offered, rather meekly.

—————————————————————————————————

Rachel waited for the penny to drop, for Toulouse to lose his mind over the ordeal. Continuing the absent twist of her hair, she could see out the corner of her eye the look of total disbelief written across his face. “Mmhm. Deadly serious.”

In Rachel’s head, the whole breaking-and-entering thing was a total non-issue. She had learned enough of Flynn’s history to know why he had been breaking into her house in the first place, and by the time they were off to see the lights that detail was all but forgiven and forgotten. Cass freaked out about it because she was a police officer, so of course that made sense, but at this point Rachel couldn’t see what the big deal was about a previous thief teaching an art class. (Her judgement was quite clearly skewed in the wrong direction, it seemed.)

“Everyone gets really hung up on that part…” Rachel muttered incredulously, already having logiced her away around the dissonance of being terrified of ruffians and thugs and completely sympathising with one. She was blissfully unaware that he had done jail time for his crimes too. “I don’t know, I guess he was just going through a rough patch a few years ago? I mean, it was petty theft. It’s not like he killed anyone.”

Rachel sniffled a few more times, and though she wasn’t totally okay, she managed to pull herself together just enough to stop sobbing. “I know…” she replied quietly. “It’s just that-- I don’t know… It’s a whole mess.” She would have lay there moping for a few more minutes had it not been for the nudge from Toulouse, which took her by surprise. With his arms open, she hesitated (Rachel never asked for hugs no matter how badly she wanted or needed one). “I do kinda need one,” Rachel admitted finally, giving a thankful smile before she scooted close enough for a good old hug. “Thanks…”

—————————————————————————————————

Toulouse could tell that she was dismissive about it. Though he didn’t want to pick an argument by trying to explain that any crime was still a crime, he also worried about her judgement of character. Deciding that wasn’t the focus of the conversation, he let it go. Obviously the college would have looked into it, right? So it was probably fine. At least, he was going to say it was for now. “Yeah.. you’re probably right, it’s probably nothing…” Even if it was just nothing, Toulouse wanted more information. For now, getting to lay down with Rachel and just comfort her would be enough.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he hummed, giving her a comforting squeeze. Besides, a good cuddle was always the best kind of thanks, really. Of course he couldn’t say that out loud —at least not yet. Toulouse didn’t break away from the hug just yet, wanting to enjoy the moment a bit longer. “But I mean… if you really want to thank me, I’d take a look at the papers I brought you. Some of them are boring school work, but a majority are fun. I made some up, and some are just fun things to do when you get bored of just sitting at home,” he explained, letting her go from the hug with a playful smile.

“I don’t know if there was more I need to hear about, but if you want, we can take a break,” he offered. Rachel seemed to be pretty drained emotionally, and he didn’t want to push her further. “Can I ask you a silly question, though? Had you really never seen a man before? I mean, that’s pretty crazy,” he said with a chuckle. “Most of them aren’t that exciting, though, so you didn't miss much.”

—————————————————————————————————

Rachel hoped it was nothing; she couldn't take any more curveballs at this rate. (Admittedly though, if one good thing came of this, it was that Toulouse threw a soft curveball by showing up, like a weird, cuddly saving grace.)

Just as apologising had become a force of habit, it seemed thanking people for tiny things was right up there beside it, and she had to actively think about not saying sorry for saying thank you. Her curiosity piqued at the mention of the things Toulouse has brought, pulling back just far enough to give him a flash of her raised eyebrow. She had all but forgotten he had something in his hands, you know, because she was so preoccupied with the lamp and all… "What's in the papers?" she asked, wondering if some of it was missed homework and what on earth he could have made up.

“A break would be nice. I think that’s everything…” Rachel sighed, a strange feeling of relief finally hitting her. A faint blush crept its way across Rachel’s cheeks as she nodded in admission. She wished she had been making it up, but Rachel hadn’t even laid eyes on the Postman. The house had been surrounded by a great deal of trees and high hedges, and a wall that was supposed to be unscalable. The Postman left letters in a postbox outside the garden gate, and Rachel had been forbidden from collecting any mail until the late afternoon, when he was long gone. “I wish I was kidding,” she laughed bashfully. “I mean, I’d seen men in, like, pictures in books and sometimes on TV and stuff, but never in person. I think everyone is a little bit exciting, but I don’t exactly have much to draw from.”

—————————————————————————————————

“Some missed assignments, nothing too major. Plus you have an extension to do them. I had to ask around a bit, but everything should be there,” Toulouse explained. “The ones that are made up were just in case your dad tried to take them.” Chuckling slightly, he shook his head, turning to look at her. He was glad that Rachel agreed to take a break, though he knew that sometimes when people got into slumps like this, taking a break only made them feel worse. Fortunately Toulouse was always good at making them fun. “Some of the activities are things like watching a bad movie on purpose, baking, trying a new skill, helping Toulouse with an art project, you know, just fun stuff.”

That last activity he’d slipped in there purposely, hoping that it would peak her interest. He wanted to collaborate with her on something, if she was willing. Of course he hoped she was, otherwise he wouldn’t have put it in there, but that meant he would once again have to get past her father. Unless he came at a time the man wasn’t home; her mother seemed much more accepting of strangers into their home.

Toulouse couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the idea of never having seen the opposite sex in person. “What about when you went to the doctor? Grocery shopping? A taxi? Surely you had to have at some point,” he further investigated. Rachel made a fair point, he supposed. There were plenty of things that each person had that might have been exciting, but as far as men go, Toulouse wasn’t very impressed. “Do you think I’m exciting?” he teased, his lips quirking into a half smile as he waited for her to answer. The feeling was mutual, if her answer was yes. Toulouse found her very exciting. Just then, the sound of the doorknob turning caught his attention as he directed his gaze toward Rachel’s door.

—————————————————————————————————

“You really didn’t have to go to all that trouble,” Rachel replied quickly, hoping that her absence hadn’t been too much of a burden on her friend. She was quite sincerely touched by the gesture and the effort, but the last thing she wanted was for anyone to go out of their way for her, friend or not. “I promise my Dad isn’t that scary once you get to know him,” she insisted, though she couldn’t completely understand why Toulouse might think he would take the papers away.

“Those definitely sound like you made them up,” she laughed quietly. Fun, yes! Not real assignments? Definitely. Luckily for Toulouse, Rachel was as naive as the day was long; his not-so-subtle hints, that would have been obvious wink-wink, nudge-nudges to everyone else, went right over poor Rachel’s head and she took the bait without even realising it. “An art project?” she asked, thoroughly interested.

It occurred to Rachel that Toulouse probably didn’t realise the extent of I Never Left. She genuinely hadn’t seen another human being because she genuinely hadn’t been allowed to leave the gates of the house. “Nope. I didn’t get to go to any of those places. I… couldn’t leave.” Now, for some reason, Rachel was blushing furiously. Her only ideas as to why was being embarrassed about the not leaving thing. It obviously had nothing to do with Toulouse asking if she thought he was exciting. “I might,” she replied, trying to play it cool. She didn’t have time to offer further explanation before her bedroom door opened.

Dad’s moustache peeked around the door, the rest of his head following quickly after. He looked just as gruff as when he had answered the door, his brow pulling together when it was apparent the pair were sitting far too close for comfort on the bed. Rachel paid it no mind, and threw on her usual sunny smile (hiding the fact she had been crying moments prior).

“Your mom said I should bring you snacks…”

—————————————————————————————————

End of part one.

#rachel #toulouse #no show #part 1 #the formatting of the replies from the doc hasn't transferred over but i'll fix that later #panic attack tw #flashbacks tw #abuse tw #trauma tw #also this is long lol soz

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cruecifymesixx · 5 years

Text

Love and Leather /part fifty eight/

Word Count: 8.8k

A/N: back on my bullshit with the angst so enjoy! Feedback is always welcomed💕 moodboard credit: @itsclaranotcarla

Warnings: language, drug use, angst, semi violent Vanity making an appearance

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyes , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @malibubarbievince, @iluvmesomemarvelndc @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer@electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @emmaelizabeth2014, @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120@xrosegoldwolfx, @cranberribread, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @meetthesixxter @sparxx27@gingerspicetalks @unknownoblivion, @love-struck-aries, @lavendersoundbarrier, @oskea93, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @xsixxx, @fentitrbl, @cruesixxlover1991, @xpoisonousrosesx, @kaitieskidmore1, @arianareirg

-November 13th, 1994-

*Tommy’s POV*

I pushed my hair out of my face, reaching over the center console to grab a bouquet of coral shade roses for Clementine. Vanity mentioned she had liked them. I adjusted my jacket before walking up the steps to her front door. I took a deep breath in and knocked on the front door.

“Oh, he-hey Tommy! I didn’t know you’d be in the city! Come in, it’s cold out.” She replied with a smile, stepping out of the way so I can come in.

I turned around to hand her the roses, “Um, for you.” I spoke quickly as she stared at them, “I Uh...I wanted to come see you. I mean, come see you and Van and Arianna.”

She smelt the roses then brought them to a kitchen to grab a vase, “Well thank you, I appreciate the gesture. Are you hungry? Thirsty? How was your fli-“

I quickly cut her off, “Do you want to go on a date with me? To dinner maybe? We can go wherever you want. Sushi, a steakhouse, Italian, Thai, pizza? Wherever, I don’t care.”

She chuckled as she moved pieces of hair away from her glasses, “Okay, but it is kinda early...” I looked down at my watch and saw the time it was a quarter to three in the afternoon.

“Oh, well uh...I can go check in to my hotel and come back around...say seven?” I asked her, feeling like my insides were about to erupt.

She nodded, “Sounds like a date. But, I have to be at Vanity’s by eleven, she has work tonight and I gotta be there with Ari.”

I bounced with joy, “Oh yeah, of course. Not a problem, I’ll see you later Clemmy.”

I stepped out of the front door, turning around to smile back at her as I almost tripped down the stairs, “Careful Tommy.” Clem giggled as she waved before closing her front door.

I got in my car, hands drumming against the steering wheel as I couldn’t stop the stupid smile that was permanently etched upon my face.

*later that evening*

“You really ran through the hotel naked? And then the cops arrested Mick because they thought the complaints were about him?” Clementine questioned as I held the door open for her to Vanity’s apartment building.

“Yeah, he spent the night in jail before we were able to bail him out. It was fucking great.” I laughed as I followed her to the elevator.

Clementine rolled her eyes, “God, I’m so stuffed. I feel like I’m going to explode. That stuffed ravioli was wonderful and so was the wine and dessert. Thank you Tommy.”

I smiled, “No, thank you. I had a lot of fun with you. I’m sorry we had to cut it short, I didn’t know we were running out of time.”

I stepped off the elevator as she walked beside me, her hand brushing against mine. What does that mean?! Was she doing it on purpose?! Was it just an accident!?

“I’m sure there will be more then enough time the next time we go out.” She quickly spoke as I glanced down at her, “I mean um, if there is a next time.” She shook her head, laughing nervously.

I wrapped my arm over her shoulder, “Oh, there’s definitely going to be a next time.” She smiled up at me before standing on her tip toes and placing a kiss to my jaw.

We walked up to Vanity’s front door as Clementine dug her keys out and unlocked the door, “Van! I’m here!”

“Sh! I just got her to sleep, she’s not feeling well.” Vanity spoke, coming around the corner as she glanced at the two of us.

“Oh, I didn’t think you two would be together...” She trailed off, smirking at me as I rolled my eyes.

“Anyways, I’m just gonna tell work Ari is sick and that I can’t come in tonight. She’s had a low grade fever all day but her pediatrician said to just keep pushing fluids and give her some Motrin and not to worry unless the fever got higher.” Vanitys was panicked as she looked around the house for the phone that was off it’s base.

Clementine put down her jacket and purse and walked over to where the phone was hiding, “Ah, thank you give me it.” Van said as Clem put it behind her back, “Clemmy, come on.”

She shook her head, “No, you go to work. She’ll be fine. Kids get sick Vanity, doesn’t mean the world has to stop turning. I’m sure she will be okay in the morning.” Clementine reassured as Vanity sighed, “But Clem, she-she’s sick!”

“...And the doctor told you what to do, have you been doing it?” Vanity nodded, “Okay, if she isn’t feeling well in the morning then you can take her to the doctor.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine Van.” I told her as she looked at me and nodded.

“Okay, okay. But please just call me if she gets worse throughout the night and I’ll come home right away.” Vanity told Clementine.

“Of course Van, now go you’re going to be late.” Clementine told her, handing her keys, purse and a jacket, “Can Tommy stay with me?”

My ears perked up as I smiled at Clementine. She wanted to stay with me still?! Fucking killer, man!

Vanity looked at Clementine and then eyed me, “I don’t care. Help yourself to anything in the fridge, just not my orange chicken. Love you guys, I’ll be back in the morning.” She chimed before quickly heading out the door.

“I’m totally eating her orange chicken later.” I said with a laugh as I took off my jacket before plopping down on the couch.

I heard glasses clink together as she came over with a bottle of wine, “Your funeral, want some?”

I nodded as she poured a glass and handed it to me, “Thanks, so what do you usually do when Ari’s sleeping?”

She shrugged and sat down next to me as she flipped on the TV, “Watch TV, read or paint, try to sleep. Sometimes she wakes up and wants to hang out for a little bit so I let her.”

I nodded, “I don’t think I ever babysat before. And the only small kids I’ve ever been around was Ozzy’s back in like the early eighties.”

She stared up at me, “Ozzy? Like Ozzy Osborne?” I chuckled, “Yes, that Ozzy. He’s a pretty cool guy, intense, but he’s cool.”

She shook her head, “Rockstars and princesses.” She mumbled before reaching for her wine and taking a sip.

“You’ll have to come to California one day. You could like meet everyone. Vans met a lot of people too.” I explained as she nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t see myself going to California anytime soon. Too much sun and it’s the land of silicone fake bitches. That isn’t for me.” Clementine let out a laugh as she flipped through the channels of the TV.

“We’ll see. I bet I’ll get you to come one day.” I said with a smirk. I had two meanings behind that one. She gave me a look, I think she knew what I meant too.

I moved my arm so it was wrapped around her shoulder, i saw her glance at my arm. Oh no. Was this to much?! Should I have asked first?! She relaxed into my side as we watched some late night television and finished off the bottle of wine together.

*next morning, Clementine’s POV*

“Psst, auntie.”

“Auntie..”

“Auntie Clem!”

My eyes fluttered open, seeing Arianna standing in front of me with a blanket wrapped around her. I rubbed my face before reaching for my glasses that were on the coffee table.

“Good morning princess. Are you feeling okay?”

She nodded, “Yes, uncle Tommy’s here! Did you know that!?” I chuckled at her excitement.

“Of course I did. Where is he? And where’s your mom at?” I questioned, peering over to the clock which read eight thirty in the morning.

Huh. She usually gets home by five.

“Mommy isn’t here and uncle Tommy is taking a bath. Can we get donuts! It’s Saturday!” Arianna cheered as she started watching cartoon.

“Yeah, just give me a minute babe.” I messed with her hair before walking down the hallway, “Van?” I questioned, opening up her bedroom door and seeing she wasn’t in there.

“Hey.” I jumped, turning around to see Tommy drying his hair, “I found a dudes pair of sweats in Vans room? They looked clean so I put them-“

“Has she came home?” I cut him off as he lost his smile, “Uh, no? Hasn’t been here. I’ve been up for an hour or two.”

I looked around the house for a moment even though there wasn’t many places she could be, “Is everything okay?” Tommy questioned as I went over to the house phone and dialed her number.

Hey, it’s Vanity. I can’t come to the phone right because I’m busy or I just don’t want to talk to you. Leave a message, bye!

“Hey Van, where the hell are you? Did you stay later at work? Give me a call back please.”

I put the phone down and looked at Tommy, who I just now realized was shirtless, “She’s late. Vanity is never late. And she’s never three hours late.”

He shrugged, “Maybe she’s at work still. She’ll be home.” I had a very, very bad feeling in my stomach.

“I’m gonna call Jason.” I mumbled as Tommy looked at me strange, “Jason?”

I nodded, “Yeah, her little boy toy. You ‘member that guy a little while ago that gave her coke? Yeah, she works with that guy. And they’ve been hanging out and she’s been sleeping with him.”

Tommy seemed to be loss as i exhaled deeply, “Tommy, she’s been getting high with this guy. She thinks I’m stupid and can’t tell but trust me, I can tell.”

“Okay, yeah. Call him. I’m gonna make Arianna breakfast, she said she was hungry earlier. Pancakes?” He questioned as I nodded and looked over at her. She was singing along to some song.

“I know she has his number around here..ha!” I held up a piece of paper and dialed his number as I watched Tommy get stuff ready for breakfast.

“Hello?”

“Jason? It’s Clementine, Vanity’s friend...is she with you?”

I heard him chuckle, “Uh...haven’t seen her since last night at Star’s place. She didn’t want to leave with me so I left.”

What a fucking idiot.

“You just left her? By herself? With strangers?”

He chuckled again, “Those are her friends Clementine. I’m sure she’s fine. She’s a big girl, she don’t need you to hold her hand every moment. She sure didn’t need it when she rode my cock last night.”

I let out a scoff, “Nice, Jason. Real nice. You’re a piece of shit you know that?”

“Tell her to call me when she gets home.” He quickly said then hung up on me.

“What a fucking jerk.” I whispered to myself as I sat the phone down. I’m sure she’s fine, I hope she’s fine. I just can’t start over thinking like that. She’s a smart girl, she’ll end up back here.

“So, are her and this guy serious or something?” Tommy interrupted my thought process as I looked over at him, spatula in hand.

“I don’t know. I think she’s just lonely or whatever. He comes over sometimes and he’s decent to Arianna and Vanity so I mean, that’s fine. The dude just gives me the creeps.”

“Nikki would just love to hear that.” Tommy chuckles, “I’m joking.” He quickly added as I went to sit down with Arianna.

“Where’s mommy?” She questioned as I looked down at her, “Mommy had to go run a few errands, she’ll be back. But how about we go get ready for the day before Tommy is done marking breakfast?” She nodded, before getting off the couch and running down the hall to her room.

Hope Van comes home soon.

*later that evening, Clementine’s POV*

“Goodnight Princess, sleep tight.” I said to Arianna after I finished reading a book and tucking her in.

“Night, Night auntie.” She gave me a smile before I closed her bedroom door.

“Look man, can’t you just help me out? My friend hasn’t been home since last night! No, this isn’t like her! She left for work and just hasn’t been back since- no I will not be put on hold...no! Just forget it!” I came back out to the living room to see Tommy slamming the telephone down.

“Cops are a lot of fucking help.” He groaned, rubbing his face as I sat down next to him.

“I’m worried about her, Clementine. For as long as I’ve known her she’s never done anything stupid like this.” I listened to Tommy as I ran my hand over his disheveled hair. He smiled and looked over at me.

“This is the longest date I’ve ever been on.” He cracked a joke as I let out an eye roll, “It isn’t my worse date.” I replied as he nodded.

“Good, I’m glad I still have a running chance.” He muttered as he took my hand away from his hair, gently holding it as he rubbed his thumb over my knuckles lightly.

“Thank you for staying with me and helping with Arianna. I’m sure you’ve had better things to do.”

He grinned and shook his head, “My plan while I’m here was to see you as much as I could. So I really owe a thank you to Vanity for disappearing for a bit.”

I let out a laugh and rested against his chest as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, “I really hope she’s okay.” I frowned as I felt Tommy give a light kiss to the side of my cheek. I soon felt his hand move to the side of my face so I could look at him.

Tommy started lowering his head down to me before his eyes darted to the door when there was a loud thud against the wood. We both looked at each other again before getting up and going over. I opened up the door, only for Vanity to fall completely on her fucking face.

“Oh shit.” Vanity laughed, her words were definitely slurred, “Oh, he-hey guys!” She giggled as my glare didn’t soften.

“Where the hell have you been?!” I shouted as Tommy helped her up, “God you fucking reek!” I covered my nose as Tommy brought her over to the dining table and sat her down in a chair.

“Jesus Van, you’re a fucking mess.” Tommy said as he looked at her. Vans hair was a complete chaotic rats nest with Bobby pins sticking out of them. Her lipstick was smeared and her eyeliner was darkened and smudged around her face. Her dress was ripped up and had stains on it and she wasn’t wearing any shoes.

“I-I think..” she hiccuped, “I think I was over in Harlem? I’m not too sure.” She laughed again as she stared at us. Tommy grabbed her by the jaw and tilted her head up before looking at her eyes.

“Shit Vanny. How high are you? Literally just pinholes.” Tommy expressed, his face struck with worry as he looked at me.

“I’m doing good, how are you?” She giggled, “Now, I know you’re probably mad at me Clem, but I can explain.” She drunkenly pointed at me as I raised an eyebrow, arms crossed against my chest. I felt like I had caught my teenage daughter sneaking in drunk.

“Oh yeah? Can you please fucking tell me why you’ve been gone for a full twenty four hours?! You’ve had us worried sick! Arianna has been asking for you all day!” I shouted as she winced.

“I-I’m sorry, I just. I lost track of time.” She expressed as I scoffed.

“Lost track of time?! Vanity, you’ve been gone since last night! You had us worried sick! We couldn’t get ahold of you.”

She nodded, “I-I think my purse got stolen.”

“Oh Jesus Christ.” Tommy mumbled as he handed her a bottle of water from the fridge, “I don’t want that!” She said, smacking it out of his hand.

“Vanity, do not fucking start your shit.” Tommy warned him, “I’m not like Nikki, and I will not put up with your coked out antics.” Tommy snapped, I didn’t think he was capable of ever getting mad.

I watched as Vanity narrowed her eyes into a glare as she stumbled up to her feet, “Fuck you, you are exactly like him.” She slurred her words as she shoved her finger into his chest, but he smacked it away. He grabbed her by her shoulder and forced her to sit back down.

“All you stupid rockstars are the same! You fucking get what you want from us chicks who are just trying to love you and then toss us to the fucking side like a used cum rag.”

“Vanity, shut up! You’re fucked up right now!” Tommy yelled back at her as I put a hand on his arm and softly pushed him away.

“I’m going to fucking smoke. Loose the attitude before I get back Van.” Tommy muttered before grabbing his jacket and giving me a look before he stepped out the door.

“Vanity, just look at me...” I spoke quietly as I placed my hands on the sides of her face. She was burning up and clammy, “Where have you been? What did you take?” She slapped her hands off of me.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m some fucking child.” She ordered as I sighed and took a step away from her, “I-I went to a party with Jason, we left the club early and then we went to someone’s house across the city and then I don’t know what happened. I remember waking up and then someone offered some blow and I just couldn’t stop shooting it.”

I frowned, “Shooting it? You’re using needles? I thought...I thought you just snorted it. Vanity, why are you doing this?”

She let out a bitter laugh as she stared at me, “Why am I doing this? Don’t pretend like you fucking care.” She snapped at me, “You don’t give a shit about me, you just give a shit about getting my money I so graciously give to you for watching Arianna.”

She shook her head before attempting to pull herself up off the chair, “Just fuck off and leave me alone.” I moved to the side as she stumbled over her feet, almost falling again until I quickly grabbed her.

“Van, I would literally do everything I do for you for free. Let’s just get you to bed so you can sober up.” I replied as she rolled her eyes and shoved me into the island bar of the kitchen. I winced when my back hit the cold tile.

“I don’t fucking need you for anything! I’m fine by myself!”

“Really?! You’re fine!? Look at you Vanity! You’re a complete mess right now! You’re covered in sweat and vomit! You need to take your ass to the shower and then to bed!” I ordered as she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t roll your fucking eyes at me you spoiled brat! You’re lucky I don’t fucking call CPS on you!!”

I had a feeling that would sober her up a bit, “Oh really now? And tell them what? You think they’d believe a nobody over me? Someone with money and lawyers?”

I heard the door open up as I looked over my shoulder and seeing Tommy had calmed down a little, “This type of behavior is concerning, Vanity! Don’t you get that?! It’s the behavior of an addict!”

She glared at me before shoving me again, “God damnit.” Tommy mumbled before grabbing vanity’s arms and dragging her away from me.

“I am not a fucking addict you idiot! And-“

“Oh so sleeping with a drug dealer doesn’t make you a coke whore either, right?” I cut her off as I saw her face turn fifty shades of red all at once.

“I am not a coke whore!! My relationship is none of your god damn business.” She shouted as I shook my head.

“No, I’ll do you one better. How about we call your mother? Hm? I’m sure she’ll love to hear about this. Let’s see how fast the money stops getting deposited into your bank accounts.” I stated, seeing both Vans and Tommy’s eyes widen.

“Do not call my mom! I swear to god Clementine! I will kill you!” I grabbed the phone and started punching in her moms number, “Clementine! Please don’t! Don’t call her!” Vanity cried, almost in hysterics as I held the phone in my hand.

I smirked, “Or, how about we call Nikki? Inform him of the situation Arianna has been put in. Tommy, what’s his number?”

“I’m sure Nikki would like to know he has a child and that the mother of his daughter is coked out. Wouldn’t that be one for the headlines? Don’t you think princess?”

“Do-don’t!” She choked out, “How fast do you think he’d get out here? I’m sure with Mötley’s jet he’d be here in a few hours.”

“Clementine! Stop!” Vanity croaked, voice full of tears as she held onto Tommy, “I am sorry! Don’t call Nikki! Please?!” She sobbed as she hid her face in his jacket.

“I could picture it now, ‘Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx has a love child in New York and the mother is unstable.’ Yeah that sounds good to me. MTV would have a field day.”

Vanity glared at me, before thrashing around in Tommy’s forced embrace. I watched her fist connect with his jaw as he stumbled back, “Vanity! Stop!” Tommy yelled, holding his chin as she stomped over to me, ripping the phone from my hand. She chucked it across the living room, making it disintegrate once it hit the wall.

She stared at me, chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace, “Go ahead. Hit me. I know you want too.” I egged her on as I saw that muscle in her jaw clench.

“Get her out of my house, Tommy.” She backed down once she realized I wasn’t going to.

“Take a shower and get some sleep, Princess. You look like shit.” I smirked in her face as Tommy handed me my jacket and purse.

Maybe I went to far. I wasn’t really going to call anyone. And I for damn sure wasn’t going to call Nikki. I just wanted to scare her and get my point across, which I think I did as the moment we closed the front door we heard a heavy object crash against the wood.

*a few days later, Vanity’s POV*

I got off the couch when I heard a knock on the door, I opened it up to see Clementine. I stared at her for a moment before moving to the side so she could come in, “Should I make a pot of coffee?” I questioned, a small smile on my face as she looked at me.

“I love you Vanity, I really do. But holy shit, what the hell were you thinking?” She questioned me as I frowned and sat down at the dining table.

“I-I don’t know. I-I was just being stupid. I am so sorry for putting everyone in that situation. It’s never going to happen again.” I reassured her, “I am so sorry for yelling at you and pushing you. I-I just…I’m not me when I’m angry.”

“Are you always that angry?” I shook my head, “…Was it the blow?” She questioned as I nodded.

“I get rather bitchy when I do it sometimes. I know I shouldn’t just for that reason but I li-“ I shook my head, I didn’t want to say I like doing it front of her, “Look, I’m just extremely fucking sorry.”

Clementine nodded, “I’m sorry too. For the things I said as well, I would never tell MTV or any other news outlet anything. And I for sure as hell wouldn’t have called Nikki.” She sighed, walking over to me as she gave me a side hug, “Let’s go for a ride before Arianna is out of school.”

I sat in the car with Clementine, listening to her softly sing along to the radio as I watched us drive by the skyscrapers and watched little rain droplets trickle down the window, “Where are we going? Shopping? Can we get food? I am starving.”

Clementine looked over me, “No, you’re going to this really nice office.” She chuckled a bit as she lit a cigarette.

My eyes widened, “Oh? A quick spa day? Usually I like a little more time but I could totally use a massage and a nice mud facial.”

Clem let out an a missed grunt, “You’re going to therapy.”

I turned my head to the side, staring at her as she blew out smoke. I hit the radio dial to turn it off, “What? Hair therapy treatment right? This cold weather has totally been drying out my hair.”

Clementine gripped the steering wheel a tad harder, “The kind to talk to someone about your problems. You were really fucked up and stupid! For fucks sake Van, you got robbed!”

I was surprised by her yelling, “It’s not like I’m the first person in the world it’s happened it. It was just…it was just a coincidence, that’s all.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms against my chest, “I don’t have any problems and I don’t need to talk to some stupid therapist.”

I was becoming pissed off the longer I sat in this car, “Was this fucking Tommy’s idea? I swear I’m going to kill him! I am not going to therapy! I am fine Clementine! Just take me home!”

“Fine?! You think you’re fine? Vanity, you came home a strung out mess! You were covered in vomit and god knows what else! You almost punched me and you punched Tommy! You cried about Nikki too!”

I rolled my eyes, “It was just a stupid mistake! Take me home, Clementine! Right now! Or I swear to god I’ll jump out of this fucking car!” I yelled back at her, undoing my seatbelt.

She sighed, “Vanity, just…you need to talk to someone. If you don’t want to talk to me or T, then fine. But I’m not gonna watch you destroy yourself over your own demons. I won’t do it.”

I saw Clementine pull up front to a doctors office as she put the car in park, “Look, just talk to her okay? I’ll be back in an hour.”

I frowned, “You’re gonna leave me?”

“I will see you in an hour Vanity. Now go, your appointment is in thirty minutes.”

I gave one last look to Clem as she motioned for me to get out of the car. I sighed and did what she was asking. I stood on the side walk as she drove away. Okay, just an hour. I can do this. I like talking and I love talking about myself. I adjusted my jacket as I walked inside the building. It was set up as a doctors waiting office. There was soothing music playing as some people sat in there seats stoic, while the others fidget around if I looked at them for too long. I walked up to the window and smiled at the lady at the computer.

“Hi um…I don’t…I think I have an appointment? My friend set this thing up.” She stared at me, chomping on her gum as her eyes hovered over my clothes and then back up to my face.

“Name?”

I cleared my throat, “Um…Vanity Blackwood?” She nodded and then tinkered with the computer before she spoke to me again.

She handed over a clipboard with papers on it, “All new patients have to fill out the packet. Dr. Watson will be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

I nodded, “Oh-Okay thank you.” I mumbled, taking the clipboard for her as I went to sit down in the corner of the office. I was cursing Clementine out in my head. This is fucking ridiculous. I’m not some fucking psycho person whose about to snap. So what if I got a little too drunk and a little to high and couldn’t remember anything. It happens!

I started flipping through the papers, angrily as I rolled my eyes at the questions.

Have you ever been convicted of a felony?

No.

Have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself or others?

Myself, no. Others, yes. Not like murdering them or whatever but punching them in face.

Do you have a dependency on alcohol or illegal substances?

…..No.

Do you suffer from any mental illnesses? ie: Depression, Bipolar disorder, ADD/ADHD, Anxiety, OCD, Schizophrenia, PTSD?

None of the above.

I finished the rest of the paperwork before giving it back to the nurse at the desk. I grabbed a cup of water before sitting back down. I fumbled with the silver ring on my thumb as I waited patiently. The only ‘therapy’ I ever had was a two week anger management class after I sent Mom’s crystal vase flying through the living room on the Fourth of July one year when I was younger. It almost it Sage she was maybe like seven or eight years old. That was the day Daddy had to physically tackle me to the ground to get me to calm down because nothing else was working. I don’t even know why I was so mad, but I was.

I sighed as someone got called to the back as I tried relaxing into the uncomfortable chair. I closed my eyes and just tried tuning everything out. The whole situation with me coming home how I was a total and complete irresponsible move on my end. I’ve never in my life have been that fucked up before, almost choking on my own vomit and not being able to talk or move. I don’t know how I even got that fucked up. I remember a lot of alcohol and blow and then everything after that is a complete blur.

“Vanity Blackwood?”

Thank fucking god! I grabbed my purse and followed the guy who called my name into the back. He lead me to a room and held the door open for me, “Dr. Watson will be with you shortly, have a seat.” He said as I nodded and went to sit down on the couch with decorative orange pillows as he closed the door.

I walked around the room, going over to the window and seeing it over looked Broadway and Ninth avenue. There was a lot of plants scattered throughout the room as well. Over in the corner was a bookshelf that held a lot of literature and self help books. What a fucking joke. I grabbed a handful of candy from the dish, only to spit them out when I realized they were yogurt covered raisins.

“Not a fan of raisins?” I turned around, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I’m assuming Dr. Watson stood at the door.

“No, sorry..” I mumbled before tossing them into the trash can and grabbing a napkin. I walked back over to the couch and plopped down, crossing my leg over my knee as I pulled off some strings from my ripped jeans.

“Dr. Lilian Watson, you can call me Lilian if you’d like.” She smiled, sticking out her hand for me. I shook it and nodded.

“Vanity.”

She sat down in a chair across from me, a leather covered notepad resting in her lap as she held a blue inked pen. She had ember shaded hair and hazel eyes and was wearing a god awful pant suit with nude colored heels.

“So, what brings you in today?” I could feel myself glaring at her already.

“I’m sure Clementine had to inform someone in to get this appointment.” I rolled my eyes before sighing, “My behavior has been a little erratic as of late.”

I watched her write something down as I frowned.

“Erratic how? Can you explain?” She glanced at me, giving me a encouraging smile.

“I got too drunk and high and didn’t call and I got robbed because I passed out at someone’s house and I freaked out and almost punched my friend, while successfully punching my other friend and I cried about my daughters Father.”

She stared at me for a moment before taking a sip of her sparkling water, “Okay…Vanity, Tell me about your childhood.”

I scoffed and let out a laugh, “My childhood? My childhood was fine. Yeah sure my mom and dad always left us with our nanny but it was fine.”

“How old were you?”

I shrugged, “The first time I remember them leaving I was six and my brother Greyson was maybe two or three. But, money and the business had to be taken care of.”

“You know, that’s a pretty young age for someone to remember stuff, usually it doesn’t happen but it does sometimes. So your parents left for the business? What business? Is your family wealthy?”

I nodded, “Its an oil company based out of Texas, one of the biggest in the country so yeah I would say we’re pretty wealthy.”

“So with money comes stress?”

I shook my head, “No, I’m never stressed when it comes to money. It’s just a thing. It’s there and I know I have it.”

She wrote something down before looking back up at me, “You said you have a younger brother, Greyson? Is it just him?”

“No, I have a younger sister too. Her name is Sage. I’m the oldest, Grey is the middle and Sage is the youngest.” I expressed as I let out a huff of air, “Is any of this even necessary?”

She chuckled, “I’m just getting to know you, Vanity.”

“Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? How about your mom and dad?”

I nodded, “Yeah, yeah of course. I love my siblings and I’d do anything for them just like they would for me. My mom…we butt heads some times but I would like to say we have a good relationship. My dad…um he died when I was twenty one.” I mumbled as she stared at me.

“Were you close with your father?” I felt a heavy presence in my chest as I nodded. It was a tight feeling and it was uncomfortable.

“How did he pass?” I cleared my throat, “Uh, brain cancer.”

“Did it change the family dynamic?” I stared at her and shrugged, “Sure you know, Vanity.” But I shook my head.

“I mean, sure I guess. I don’t know. He died and that was it. Life kept going on. I went back to California after we buried him and then moved back to Texas to help mom run the company for a bit and then moved back to California eventually after everything was fine.”

“And how did you get to New York?” I stared at her, licking my bottom lip as I chuckled.

“I was pregnant and left California.” I shrugged, “Wanted to be somewhere else.”

She nodded, “New York is pretty far from California. That’s an extremely abrupt change in lifestyles. Did something happen?”

I cleared my throat and shook my head, “No..”

I looked over when I heard her exhale, writing more notes down, “You wrote down on the questionnaire that you aren’t dependent on drugs or alcohol but you had mentioned you got way to drunk and high just a little while ago.”

“Is that a question?” I asked as she shook her head, “No, just an observation.”

“I’m not some addict.” I quickly fired back as she nodded again.

“I just, I just like drinking. And I like to have fun so I dabble in some cocaine. It’s not a problem, I have it under control.” I continued to ramble, “Clementine just overreacted, Tommy…I mean Tommy was upset with me too, but he can’t be upset when he’s done way worse stuff then I can even think of doing. He use to shoot fucking whiskey into his veins with Nikki for Christ sake! And heroin! And coke!”

“Whose Nikki?”

Oh that fucking stupid bitch.

“He’s nobody.” I looked away from her and towards the window as I shook my head, “I don’t want to talk about him.” I mumbled as she nodded.

“Can we talk about relationships?” She questioned as I agreed to do so.

“Are you seeing anyone currently?”

I nodded, “Yeah, his names Jason. We aren’t serious or anything. We just hang out a lot and sleep together.”

“Do you do drugs with him?” I sighed, “Yeah, I do.”

“Is Jason your daughters father? What’s her name?”

I smiled, “Her name is Arianna, Ari for short. And no, Jason isn’t her father.”

“So, in your words would you say you’re a single mom?” I nodded, “Sure.”

“Where is Arianna’s father? Does she have a good relationship with her?”

I shook my head, “She doesn’t know her dad.” I guess that was important because she wrote it down.

I cleared my throat, “Um…Nikki’s her father.”

She nodded, “The Nikki you don’t want to talk about?” I nodded, “Okay, then.”

“Ever been in an abusive relationship?” I nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Arianna’s father?” I shook my head, saying no.

“Before Arianna’s father?” I nodded, saying yes.

“When I spoke with Clementine on the phone, she had mentioned you got physical with both her and Tommy. From what she told me, you had shoved her a few times, punched Tommy in the face and threw a few things.”

I laughed, “I get angry sometimes.” I continued laughing, “I’m sorry, it’s not funny. I just…I don’t remember doing that but it sounds like something I usually do.”

“I don’t find physical assault a joke, Vanity. You can really hurt someone.” I rolled my eyes, “And you could go to jail, loose your parental rights.”

I rolled my eyes, uncrossing my legs as I glared at Lilian, “God, you’re almost as dramatic as my best friend. I am fine. I get angry and I break things sometimes it happens! I’ve been to anger management classes, was told I had volatile anger issues, worked through them and I’m fine! I mean it comes out sometimes but I haven’t had an episode in years. Everything is under control.”

“An episode? Can you tell me what these episodes look like?”

I rolled my eyes, “I get violent. Throw things, break objects, put holes in walls with said objects. Sometimes if someone is there I’ll yell at them and sometimes I’ll try to get physical. I black out and see red too. Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna pass out because of how angry I get. I’m out of breath and sweaty and overloaded with emotions by the time I’m done and calm.”

“What makes you angry?”

I shrugged, “Is it stressful situations? Certain people?” I shrugged again.

“You know cocaine has side effects which can be hostility and violent outbursts.”

“Yeah, I know. You can spare me the drug talk, I know.” I looked over at the clock, yes! One full hour!

“I would like to keep seeing you, Vanity.” She said as I stared at her.

“What? Why?!” I raised my voice as she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“I don’t need a damn shrink! I’m not broken and I don’t need to be fixed! I am fine.”

She sighed, “Vanity….I think you have a lot of issues you need to work out. You were abandon as a child and more then likely your parents made it better with money and gifts. You moved across the country and won’t give me a reason why. You loss your father at a pivotal time in your life and I’m sure you haven’t taken the time to grieve him. You are drowning in alcohol and cocaine and you aren’t admitting you have a problem-“

“Because I fucking don’t!! I don’t have a drug problem! And I don’t have mommy and daddy issues and I don’t have to tell you everything about me!” I yelled at her as she closed the notepad. She reached across the table and placed down a white card.

“If you change your mind, give me a call. You take care of yourself, Vanity.” She smiled as I rolled my eyes, opening up her door and leaned. I slammed open the door leading to the office, scaring other patients as I walked out the door.

Clementine was parked on the side of the building, jamming to her music and smoking a cig. I climbed in and dug one out of my pack and lit it, “There! I went to therapy! And I hated every second of it! I’m never going back!”

She chuckled as she blew smoke out towards me as she began driving us somewhere else, “I swear to god, if you’re taking me to get a fucking lobotomy I’m going to kill myself.”

Clementine laughed again, “Did you tell your therapist about having suicidal thoughts?”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh shut it.”

“Did you like Dr. Watson? She’s bought a few of my paintings.” Clementine questioned as I shook my head.

“No! She was a bitch! And she pried to much!”

“That’s kinda the point of therapy, Van. What did you guys talk about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I shook my head, “We talked about my childhood, my family, briefly touched relationships before talking about my anger which only made me get mad.”

“When’s your next session?” She asked as I shrugged, “I’m not going back.”

I heard her mutter a damnit, “Vanity, you can’t just go to one session and then never go again.”

“Why do I have to go anyways, Clementine!? Shouldn’t something like therapy be up to me and not anyone else!? Did you maybe think I don’t want to talk about my problems?! That I don’t want to be reminded of all the things I’ve been through!? I haven’t had a perfect life either, Clementine!! Just because I have money doesn’t fucking mean anything!” I shouted as she glanced over at me before pushing her glasses up her nose. She turned up the music a bit as she focused on the driving.

“Let’s go get bagels. You need to eat, you’re looking a little skinny.”

*Nikki’s POV*

“Anarchy, quit it. You’re not getting my food. You’re getting chunky.” I chuckled as she rolled over and I scratched her belly, “Okay, fine.” I handed her a piece of my steak as she chomped down on it.

“You talking to the dog again?” I jumped in my chair as I turned around to see Tommy. He was back from New York.

“Hey dude, when did you get in?” I smiled as he sat down across from me, “There’s some more on the stove if you’re hungry.” I offered as he shook his head.

“I got back a few hours ago, then took a nap. It’s such a long flight.” He groaned as he put his sunglasses on the table and rubbed his face.

“Maybe you should find a chick that lives here then.” I suggested, tossing Anarchy another piece.

“I’m in love with her dude.” I rolled my eyes as I continued eating, “She’s so perfect, and so sweet.”

“T-bone, is this chick even your girlfriend yet?” I muttered, mouth food of full as he shook his head, “Dude, come on…” I groaned as he shrugged.

“Well, what else did you do in New York besides her?” I chuckled as he rolled his eyes.

“Haven’t slept with her yet, man. I’m trying to take it slow, I don’t want to scare her off.” He confided as I looked at him rather surprised. A chick he hasn’t stuck his dick inside of yet? Wow.

“Alright. Well what did you two do?”

He smiled, “I took her out on a date, we went to an Italian restaurant in Manhattan. Went to the movies a few times. I watched her paint too, she’s such a good artist. I think you’d like her work. Just spent some time together and hung out at Va- I mean her friends house.”

I nodded and took another bite, “Sounds cool.”

“Where’s the mistress? I mean your wife.” He chuckled as I glared at him before flipping him off.

“She’s at some photo shoot right now, should be home soon.” I told him, and right on queue I heard the door open and then heels clicking against the white marble flooring.

“Baby! I’m home!” I smiled as Brandi walked into the kitchen, “Oh, hi Tommy.” She said before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“Sup.” Tommy gave her the cold shoulder as he started petting Anna. I glanced over at him as he smiled at me.

“Tommy was just telling me about the girl he’s in love with. What’s her name again?” I asked him as he rolled his eyes, knowing he’s told me a million times already.

“Clementine.”

I chuckled, “Right, like the fruit.”

Brandi smiled at Tommy, “When is she gonna come visit us? I’d love to meet her. The other wives are nice so I’m sure the girlfriends would be too.”

“Clementine, isn’t his girlfriend.” I chuckled as Brandi glanced over at me and then back at him.

“Well, with how you leave every month I thought she would already be. Guess not.”

“I’ll ask her next month when I’m there again.” Tommy retorted back as I scoffed.

“Jesus, man. Are we ever gonna get this album done? Don’t let some pussy you haven’t even gotten a taste of come before the music.” I snapped at him as he chuckled

“Dude, the guys don’t even feel like doing anything right now. I don’t know why you’re rushing it, the lyrics still need a lot of work.”

I scowled at him, but Brandi spoke before I had the chance too, “His lyrics are fine. They’re wonderful like they always have been. It’s you three that are holding everything back. Nikki is trying.”

Tommy glared at Brandi, “Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you.” He rolled his eyes, “I’m gonna head out. Came over to see if you wanted to go with us to the strip club tonight but I guess I should ask if your wife can give you your balls back for the night.”

I stared at Tommy as he wore a confident smirk. I continued eating as he left and slammed the door shut.

“Well that was uncalled for. I’m sorry hun.” Brandi spoke as I shook my head, “Don’t worry about it, angel. It’s alright.”

“Nikki? Can I ask you something?” I looked up at Brandi as she had a smile on her pink lips and her blue eyes sparkled under the stupid chandelier.

“What’s up?”

I watched as she twiddled with the wedding ring on her finger, “Have you thought about having kids with me?”

Pick up your chin, Sixx.

“I, well I Uh…” I reached for my water and took a sip, “You’re on birth control so I just assumed you weren’t ready for kids yet…” I narrowed it down to that because honestly, the thought hasn’t even crossed my mind.

She nodded, “Oh well, I mean I if I got off birth control then would you want to start a family?”

I shrugged, “Well, we can try. You’re my wife, the love of my life. Of course I’d want to have kids with you.” I gave her a smile as she seemed to be relieved with my answer, “Where’s all this coming from Anyways?”

“Well, we kinda rushed into our relationship and never really talked about stuff like having a family and the future.”

I reached over, pressing my hand against her cheek as my thumb rubbed over her delicate skin, “I want a family and I want a life with you. Nobody else, doll.”

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sifestoff · 4 years

Photo

INTERLUDIO “Fig., letter. Intermezzo, breve serie di fatti che costituisce una parentesi, un’interruzione, un diversivo nel normale andamento delle cose” (Treccani) Un progetto di Cesura Con fotografie di Arianna Arcara, Francesco Bellina, Stefania Bosso, Teresa Dalle Carbonare, Maria Elisa Ferraris, Chiara Fossati, Giacomo Liverani, Alex Majoli, Claudio Majorana, Gabriele Micalizzi, Valentina Neri, Andy Rocchelli, Alessandro Sala, Giorgio Salimeni, Luca Santese, Marco P. Valli, Marco Zanella e Alex Zoboli

Per la sua undicesima edizione il SI FEST OFF cambia eccezionalmente formula e, per riflettere sull’emergenza sanitaria che ha colpito il nostro Paese, presenta un importante progetto firmato dal collettivo Cesura. Da sempre attenta ai temi della contemporaneità, la sezione OFF del SI FEST si è interrogata sulle rappresentazioni fotografiche di questi mesi di pandemia: un mare magnum di immagini, spesso fin troppo dirette e didascaliche. Come si può descrivere l’invisibile attraverso la fotografia? In risposta a questa domanda, il SI FEST OFF dedica questa edizione a un racconto visivo, corale e autoriale che ha cercato di narrare da un punto di vista fortemente evocativo l’impatto della pandemia sulla nostra società. Tomas Maggioli, Associazione Cultura e Immagine SI FEST OFF a cura di CESURA.

Abbiamo fondato CESURA nel 2008 in un piccolo villaggio tra i colli piacentini. Cesura è un gruppo di fotografi uniti dall’intento di creare una forza indipendente e autonoma nel panorama della fotografia internazionale. Lavoriamo fianco a fianco e condividendo competenze produciamo progetti fotografici autoriali. Il nostro studio ha al suo interno un laboratorio di stampa e una casa editrice che forniscono ai nostri fotografi strumenti e risorse per rafforzare la loro crescita artistica. CESURA PUBLISH è la nostra casa editrice indipendente. Fondata nel 2010 come branca del collettivo omonimo, CESURA PUBLISH ha iniziato a vendere le prime pubblicazioni per promuovere le attività dei fotografi membri. A dieci anni dalla fondazione, CESURA PUBLISH mantiene i suoi valori d’origine pubblicando una selezione di fotolibri di qualità, come risultato del variegato insieme di progetti portati avanti dai fotografi membri. IL PROGETTO con SI FEST OFF C’è stato un intermezzo nella nostra vita. Una pausa del reale per entrare in un reale più profondo, come un sospiro tra un atto e l’altro nel corso della storia. Quello che è accaduto ha forzato un processo inevitabile e necessario: la sospensione della realtà per come la conoscevamo ci ha costretto a riassestare la nostra percezione del tempo, libera dalla costante sete di progresso, produttività, funzionalità e velocità. Disarmati di tutto, ci siamo ritrovati umani primordiali in una realtà distorta. Abbiamo sperimentato nuovamente la percezione di un tempo umano, biologico, autentico. Abbiamo affrontato il vuoto, l’attesa. Sfiorato il nulla, con orrore. Sperimentato la nuova quotidianità: la paura della morte e la consapevolezza della nostra precarietà. Per la prima volta ognuno di noi si è trovato al centro della storia. Il tentativo di Cesura è quello di riempire il frame nero tra la realtà prima e dopo la pandemia. Stimolare una riflessione che, dal centro della storia, parta dalle immagini che l’hanno raccontata in diretta, si stacchi dalla didascalia, filtri il rumore di fondo e riassuma il significato di quell’interludio senza suono che l’uomo ha recentemente vissuto, per restituire una nuova sensibilità condivisa. di questo periodo eccezionale – più delle immagini, più delle parole – resteranno forse le sensazioni, perfettamente umane, di estrema fragiliità, solitudine e fallibilità collettive. ORARI DI APERTURA 18 settembre ore 18/24 19 settembre ore 9/24 20 settembre ore 9/21 26 settembre ore 10/19 27 settembre ore 10/19 3 ottobre ore 10/19 4 ottobre ore 10/19 INGRESSO GRATUITO SENZA PRENOTAZIONE

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nsula · 5 years

Text

Spring 2019 Honor List

NATCHITOCHES – One thousand forty-three undergraduates were named to Northwestern State University’s Honor List for the Spring 2019 semester. Students on the Honor List must be enrolled full-time and have a grade point average of between 3.0 and 3.49. Students listed by hometown are as follows.

Abbeville – Annemarie Broussard, MaKayla Lewis, Zabrinia Spates;

Aimwell – Jonathan Poole;

Alexandria – Markeyla Anderson, Gavin Arabie, Sharenthia Chew, Angel Christophe, Josyf Das Neves, Joshua Dorsey, Alexis Flowers, Kelvina Ford, Zuleika Fountain, Vanity Givens, Kyle Guillory, Khloe Jasper, Whitney Joffrion, Gustov Johnson, Martavius King, Ashley Koestler, Kasey Lacombe, Taylar Lee, Kelli Leone, Jimmie Magee, Dean Mayeux, Jason McDaniel, Jalyn Mcneal, Ashley Mitchell, John O’Dell, Madison Ogorek, Tiffany Ore, Sadae Polk, Alyssa Rivers, Mart Sampson, Brandy Sayer, Shakera Shorts, Kizzy Slaughter, Kiaijah Thomas, Hailey Urena, Jenna Wade, Alysha Walker, Aalyiah Williams;

Amelia – Renwick McPherson;

Anacoco – Rachel Fournier, Angela Guy, Andrea Halladay, Tristan Harvey, Madeleine Hensley, Aaron Norris, Jason Ortiz, Ireland Slocum, Amanda Sorg, Tyler Stephens, Emily Williams, Rhonda Perry,

Arlington, Texas -- Mariah Denson, Devin Gipson, O’Shea Jackson;

Arnaudville – Macey Boyd, Bailey Dautreuil, Maddison Janice;

Athens – Jacob Ellis;

Atlanta – Ashley Mitchell, Jackson Teal, Jamie Wagley;

Aurora, Colorado – William Mccullough;

Avondale – Mikala Clark;

Bastrop – Alisha Bolton;

Baton Rouge – Jordan Hall, Melvin Hudson;

Belcher – Loriann Long;

Boyce – Lane Robinson

Baker – Devante George, Cherish Netter;

Ball – Angel Chavez, Christopher Constance, Bryan Sayes, Vanessa Toney, Alice Wilson;

Bastrop – Allenicia Arbet;

Baton Rouge – Mark Alexander, Chloe Castello, Ricky Chatman, Shelby Christian, Briyonna Collins, Madison Harris, Mckane Kinchen, Griffin Lundin, Cydni Millican, Rachel Monsour, Katie Pham, James Steelman, Jharon Whitfield;

Beacon Falls, Connecticut – Stacey Brown;

Bedford, Texas – Katina Booker;

Belle Chasse – Hayley Barbazon, Denim Reeves;

Belmont – Kelly Bass, Ashley Hill;

Bentley – Heather Jones,

Benton – Bryanna Cooper, Steven Gardner, Milla Gonzales, Grayson Isom, Colby Ponder, Blaine Reeder, Hannah Schott, Jackson Mathews, Megan Russell;

Bermuda – Michael Vienne;

Bienville – Sarah Macynski;

Big Spring, Texas – Kristin Wilson;

Birmingham, Alabama – Emma Wallace;

Bogalusa – Amanda Crawford, Taylor Johnson;

Bossier City – Yetunde Adegbovega, Austin Averitt, Abigail Castillo, Kendall Corkern, Cameron Davis, Daniel Dial, Kimberly Eloby, Ri’Kaela England, Khairig Frost, Hannah Gaspard, Margaret Gates, Jacob Guest, Tangy Heilbling, Ashlynn Henderson, Jordan Hunter, Shane Kaiser, Alyssa Kidd, Seth Lowery, Jordan Markle, Rebecca Markle, Jennifer Martinez, Rance Mason, Coby McGee, Alexa Montgomery, Yuridia Olea, Sabri Parks, Shelby Peebles, Brittani Phillips, Rachael Pierce, Cierra Rachal, Litzy Rivera, Gabriela Rodriguez, Madison Rowland, Rheagan Rowland, Dakota Schudalla, Makayla Strother, Trevor Tackett, Kellie Toms, Bobby Trichel, Madalyn Watson, Pamula Whicker, Elizabeth Zanca, Nour Zeidan;

Boutte – Jose Del Rio;

Boyce – Savanna Budnik, Timothy Glass, Kaitlyn Miller, Jessie Turner, Julia Watson;

Brownsboro, Texas – Brice Borgeson;

Buffalo, New York – LeTerrance Reed;

Bunkie – Izola Williams;

Bush – Serena Bonnette;

Calhoun – Marissa Barentine;

Campti – Paige Cason, Damarte Fisher, Kourtney Horton, Malachi Lester, Pepper Lloyd, Madison McLaren;

Canton, Texas – Tiffany Cayson, Jack Dyre;

Cape Coral, Florida – Karleigh Acosta;

Carencro – Malik Babin, Chaney Dodge, Harold Williams;

Cartagena, Colombia – Samantha Arellano Chavz, Edwin Castro Frias, Jalima Dias, Miledys Jiminez Vasquez, Daniel Racero Rocha, Gabriela Forero Salcedo, Sadoc Silva Calderon;

Cartagena Bolivar, Colombia – Alejandro Dager Carrasquilla;

Castor – Loxlie Dodd, Hogan Nealy;

Center, Texas – John Harrington;

Chalmette – Isaiah Carpenter, Gabriel Ernest, Sara Mendoza;

Chatham – Jonathan Gill;

Cincinnati, Ohio – Terry Brewer;

Clarence – Quintarous Coleman, Kimberly Reliford;

Clinton – Arianna Parrish;

Cloutierville – Alexia Gistarb;

Colfax – Camren Bell, Kensey Knight, Paidin Luneau, Kaitlyn Slalyter, Ontavius Williams;

Colorado Springs, Colorado – Sarah Wagner;

Columbia – Jackson McCann;

Columbus, Mississippi – William Taylor;

Converse – Zachary Faircloth, Nicolas Farmer, Victoria Gasper, Wade Hicks, Jared Jagneaux, Skyler Laroux, Ashley Sims, Delia Smith, Triston Waldon;

Coppell, Texas – Jada Freeman;

Cottonport – Jacob Harris, Joneshia Jacobs, Christine Lemoine;

Coushatta – Journi Brown, Faith Cason, La’Zaria Clark, Jon Hester, Tawanda Johnson, Amey Sepulvado;

Covington – Madison Blanks, Sarah Shiflett, Jennifer Vo;

Coyolilla Veracruz, Mexico – Guadalupe de Jesus Mendez Zaragoza;

Crowley – Mc’Kayleen Milson;

Cullen – D’Agurelle Epps;

Cut Off – Zachary Breaux, Kaelyn Musgrave;

Dallas – Nadia Carney;

De Berry, Texas – Sarah Britt;

DeQuincy – Hayden Robertson;

DeRidder – Carson Brown, Lauren Callis, Maygin Chesson, Sheridan Douglas, Sarah Fulford, Katherine Goodman, Michelle Green, Alexis Holland, Elliott Jones, Ethel Jones, Jordan Mack-McNair, Presley Phelps, Richard-Jayson Puzon, Morgan Smith, Heather Sorton, Madison Tilley, Tyler Wright, Airiuna Satchell;

Delhi – KeDiejah Cooper;

Denham Springs – Samantha Burgess, Joni Burlew, Caleb Callender, Zyneshia Jennings;

Deville – Emily Bonial, Courtney DeVille, Amy Henderson, Ashtyn Knapp, Karlee Littleton, Morgan McCrory, Caleb Rhodes, Marcia Rogers, Garrett Sellers;

Dodson – Nolan Griffin, Brendan Thomas;

Donaldsonville – Jermaine Collier, Natalie Landry;

Doyle – Mackensie Ulrich;

Doyline – Carmesia Russell;

Dry Prong – Ethan Lewis, Shian Murrell, Lindsey Weatherford, Ashley Webb;

Dubach – Oilvia Hancock, Kayla Loyd;

Dubberly – Audrie Dison;

Duson – Alexandra Broussard, Desmond Prejean;

Edmond, Oklahoma – Ravon Nero;

Elizabeth – Hannah LaCaze;

Elmer – Victoria Coleman

Elton – Maia Lacomb;

Eunice – Tanner Thibodeaux, Emily Deshotel;

Falfurrias, Texas – Marco Arevalo;

Farmerville – Adrianna Loyd, Jalissa Loyd;

Fayetteville, Arkansas – Cody Coleman;

Ferriday – Dalenesha Wimley;

Fisher – Hayden Courtney;

Flatwoods – Lindsey Willis;

Florien – Katelynn Alford, Danielle Anthony, Gabrielle Bryant, Braelyn Calhoun, Magon Lester, Ashton Remedies, Jordan Weldon;

Flower Mound, Texas – Randall Ruffner;

Folsom – Monique Basse, Shaylee Laird;

Forest Hill – Adrianne Dore;

Forney, Texas – Kaymi Wheeler;

Fort Polk – Brittany Chadwick, Mara Eifolla, Jayla Hart, Andrea Marquez, Madison Popp, Amanda. Ridenhour, Shiela May Tabonares, Whitney Tipton, Kiara Turner, TeKweena Wilson, Alexie Sarabia;

Fort Riley, Kansas – Breanna Bryan;

Fort Worth, Texas – Charles Gregory Meade;

Franklin – Zachary McEndree;

Franklinton – Randy Garza, Brittany Sanders;

Frierson – Mason Barnes;

Frisco, Texas – Hallie McCarroll;

Geisman – Rylee Leglue;

Guin, Alabama – Taylor Porter;

Garland, Texas – Joseph Goodson, Kobe Poole, Nia Randall;

Geismar – Elijah John-Baptiste;

Georgetown – Kaleb Hudson;

Glenmora – Reagan Humphries, Abbie Johnson, Kerstyn Johnson;

Gloster – Caitlyn Burford, Paris Gillum;

Goldonna – Brianna Calhoun;

Gonzales – Julie Breaux, Chaquera Caldwell, Ashlyn Chenevert;

Grand Cane – Sandra Kimble, Ciana Mcintyre, Emily Miller;

Grand Isle – Abigail Frazier;

Grand Prairie, Texas – Stephen Garrett;

Greenwell Springs – Morgan Bellot;

Greenwood – Leah Evans, Tamera Harris, Trenton Starks;

Gretna – Braxton Brown, Leroy Holmes, Nadia Johnson, Michael Wilson;

Gueydan – Hannah Sedatol;

Hackberry – Lexie Stine;

Hahnville – Cierra Puryear, Colin Vedros;

Hammond – Kaylon Wiloughby;

Harlengen – Frances Knight;

Harvey – Destiny Johnson;

Haughton – Deitric Alexander, Shakayla Bell, Katelynn Edwards, Anitra Fayad, Camry Heath, Kylee Jackson, Timothy Newell, Angie Nguyen, Makenezie Rains, Licentra Randolph, Bailee Rattanachai, Kaylee Sanford, Joshua Steele, Megan Tilley, Laura Waldroup, Katherine Weeks, Kacie Wilkinson, Chases Woltz, India Wright;

Haynesville – Jmarquiez Robinson, Sabrina Sowell, Michael Turner, Allysa Dodds;

Heflin – Kendall Brunson, Simiuna Cook, Kyle Smith;

Henderson – Andrew Blackmon;

Hessmer – Daren Dauzat;

Hineston – Victoria Carroll;

Homer – Francene Ferguson, Keyana Mccoy, Mariah West;

Hornbeck – Lane Alford, Ariel Rodgers;

Houma -- Courtney Chancellor, Rhiannon Dean, Venessa McKinley;

Houston – Rafael Bonilla, Jennifer Hitt, Casey Irvin, Natashia Jackson;

Humble, Texas – Toiquisha Johnson, Furquan Shorts;

Independence – Maria Thomas-Alfaro, Chloe Whiddon;

Iowa – Keiona Guy;

Jasper, Texas – Linsey Guthrie;

Jeanerette – David Blakesley;

Jefferson – Emily Ricalde;

Jena – Tiara Brown, Braegan Burlew, Candace Decker, Madison Erwin, Jasmine Furlow, Chelsea Redd, Tyler Thomas;

Jennings – Destiny Brown, Anayah Joseph;

Jonesboro – Ashlyn Gaines, JaVonna Lawrence, Alex Toms;

Kaplan – Chris Hebert;

Katy, Texas – Brittnay Cecil, Floyd Turner;

Keatchie – Sarah Plaisance;

Keithville – Germany Jones, Shelby Loftin, Cara Lorenen, Maya Porter;

Kenner – Emily Bennett, Willie Soniat, Parul Sharma;

Kentwood – Iris Travis;

Kernen – Antonia Blattner;

Kinder – Teralyn Plumber;

Konarskie, Poland – Elzbieta Iwaniuk;

Labadieville – Jacellynn LeBlanc, Logan Simoneaux;

Lacombe – Amy Schneider;

Lafayette – Taylor Aucoin, Ashanti Alfred, LaToya Bellard, Emma Burlet, Jared Dore, Reagan Guillory, Jacob Hawkins, Qualantre Jackson, Michele Kramer, JaKayle Lee, Paul Martin, Skylar Mccoy, Robert Middleton, Sarah Palmintier, Aishwarya Patel, Tylar Senegal, John Touchet, Ireland Williams, China Young;

Lafitte – Helen Kassahun;

Lake Charles – Landon Dore, Camren Green, Joel Moreaux, Jordan Mulsow, Destany Washington;

LaPlace – Caitlyn Turnbull;

Las Vegas, Nevada – Caitlin Schweighart;

Le Mars, Iowa – Shannon Smith;

League City, Texas – Lacee Savage, Blake Tessitore;

Leander – Karissa Boswell;

Lebeau – Sharissa Tanner;

Lecompte – Logan Cheek;

Leesville – Dakota Abrams, Cecilia Alfaya, Kimberly Alwell, Jebediah Barrett, Hailey Brantley, Kaylee Buby, Victoria Butler, Anthony Cantrell, Charlotte Cassin, Joseph Cryer, Cameron Davis, Marlee Dowden, Payton Gordy, Caleb Hillman, Hanna Johnson, Zachary Keeton, Lauren Kreyenbuhl, Mahala Lewis, Christina Lluvera, Gerard Lord, Brianna Maricle, Billy McGhee, Amy McKellar, Ashley McKellar, Kaitlyn Pajinag, Chloe Rouleau, Destiny Sanders, Cesar Santos, Dalton Schulte, Erin Schwartz, Megan Trask, Tabitha Vasquez, Marissa Weldon, Lana West, Cheyene Wise, Mikayla Zills;

Lena – Dillon Guin, Courtnee Hamberlin, Cortland Smith;

Lettsworth – Landon Benton;

Little Elm, Texas – Daniel Larin;

Little Rock, Arkansas – Whitney Jinks;

Livingston – Jay Gentry-Pace;

Livonia – Ryann Bizette, Shanyia Haynes;

Lockport – Malaina Falgout;

Logansport – Rebecca Tomlin, Shelby Woods, Kendoyle Cox;

Loranger – Cambree Bailey;

Lubbock, Texas – Miranda Stroud;

Mansfield – Tremeon Allen, Latyeauna Goodwin, Nicolette Hogan, Canessia Johnson, Demetric Preston, Madylin Sullivan, Kyah Wilson,

Madisonville – Zoe Almaraz, Bailey Perrilloux;

Mandeville -- Mya Holmes, Jalen Willis;

Many – Jocelyn Cannon, Patrick Colston, Sarah Cross, Timothy Early, Sydni Easley, Kyle Elliott, Tiarra Frazier, Brittney Garcie, Moses Gonzales, Jessie Johnson, Clayton Kelley, Lathan Meyers, Darion Miller, Matthew Peace, Andrew Penfield, Tanner Rains, Madison Rutherford, Aubrey Sepulvado, Mallary Veuleman;

Maringouin – Laura Scronce;

Marksville – Regan Balius, Nichole Dauzat, Leah Dupuy, Kayle Gaspard, Olivia Johnson, Victoria Lucas;

Marrero – Kelsey Brooks, Lius Escobar;

Marshall, Texas – Alexis Balbuena, Abagale Godrey;

Marthaville – Dylan Daniels, Veronica James, Thomas Lirette;

Meraux – Sophie Stechmann;

Merryville – Kyleah Franks;

Mesquite, Texas – Eric Renova, Curtis Williams;

Metairie – Kathryn Bancroft, Madysen Norra;

Midland, Texas – Channing Burleson;

Minden – Erin Dotson, Layla Easley, Abby Greene, Karasha Harris, Kiara Jenkins, Donna Law, Asata Sylvas, Jorge Zaldivar;

Missouri City, Texas – Cayla Jones;

Monroe – Demonta Brown, Kennedy Butler, Jansen Chisley, Kiara Drumgo, Taylor Edwards, Jaronda Griffin, Prettyunje Hunter, Diamond Knox-Jackson, Ashley Murphy, Keldrick Ward;

Montegut – Stephanie Cohen;

Monterey – Rebecca Womack;

Montgomery – Tabatha Bowlin, Payton Carroll, Gerald Chelette, Hailee Skains, Laryn Graves;

Monticello, Arkansas – Kamilah Kelley;

Mora – Gracy Rowell;

Moreauville – Reginea Alexander, Ashley Dunnam;

Natchitoches – Jeremy Aaron, Cass Arnold, Aaron Averett, Thomas Balthazar, Adam Barnes, Blake Bechtel, Terrius Bell, Kacy Bonds, Matthew Brown, Charles Bouchie, Santaurus Burr,Ladiamond Burrell, Dominitra Charles, Kaleb Chesser, Lane Clevenger, Jessica Coleman, Kaia Collins, Christian Cunningham, Sean Day, Moises Florez-Perez, Hannah Forsythe, Eric Fredieu, Abbie Garner, Peyton Graham, Denetria Green, Pamela Gross, Thomas Hadzeriga, Jalen Hall, Jasmine Hall, Samantha Hall, Deshon Hayes, Jett Hayes, Saul Hernandez, David Holmes, Jasmine Howard, Kanika Irchirl, Rachel Jeane, Emily Johnson, Karlee Laurence, Robert Lee, Emily Leone, Christopher Lewis, Helen-Lois Mancil, Wesley Manuel, Savannah Maricle, Brooklyn Martin, Tyler McCain, Lamarr McGaskey, Kristin McQuillin, Joshua Minor, Jair Morelos Castilla, Jakori Morris, Katelyn Murphy, Tori Neitte, Matthew Nelson, Donovan Ohnoutka, Christian Owens, Leilani Padilla, Kenneth Penrod, Eryn Percle, Veronica Pikes, Kenneth Poleman, Katherine Rachal, Michael Raymond, Jeffrey Remo, Devin Reyes, Kayla Rokett, Taylor Rutledge, Shelbi Ryan, Jalon Sangster, Chandler Sarpy, Gabrielle Scarborough, Natalie Sers, Anna Sibley, Athena Smith, Blake Teekell, Joseph Thibodaux, Margaret Thompson, Lantz Vercher, Elizabeth Vienne, Garrett Vienne, Huey Virece, Laurin Waldrip, Jacob Ware, Brianna Watermolen, Anna Waxley, Emma-Leigh Webster, Ellen Wells, Deondra White, Nicholas Wiggins, Leah Wilkins, Shavon Williams,

Natchez – Victoria Bradford, James Rougeou, Lauren Seawood;

Navasota, Texas – Shelton Eppler;

New Iberia – Mia Bashay, Dainell Ledet, Alex Romero;

New Llano – Deja Castille, Laura Cowell, Kendra Jones, Earnesta Riggins, Gabriel Vargas, Caden Wheeler;

New Milford, Connecticut – Lisa Rosenberg;

New Orleans – Demetrius Boulieu, Nyasha Brown, Damon Carter, Jeron Duplantier, Darlene Fairley, Matthew Gonzales, Omar Hall, RyShaneka Kirsh, Maxwell Martello, Phallon Robinson, Jonae Skinner, Rishard Winford;

Newellton – Chasity Glasspoole;

Noble – Shelby Etheridge, Tiffany McMillion, Krista Rivers, Thomas Rivers;

North Richland Hills, Texas – Cody Germany;

North York, Ontario – Alexander Comanita;

Oak Ridge – Kelly Futch;

Oakdale – Clayton Ashworth, JaQuanda Evins, Dylan Hamblin, Destani Johnson;

Olla – Morgan Barbo, Amanda Fenoli, Savannah Kirl;

Omro, Wisconsin – Jason Kralovetz;

Opelousas – Keylee Boone, Jordan Brisco, Kenya Gradnigo, Kayla Pitre, Lashante Richard, Kallie Zeringue;

Paris, Texas – Cody Vorwerk;

Pelican – Tyler Howard;

Pensacola, Florida – Mallory McClain;

Pierre Part – Blaise Crochet;

Pineville – Savannah Hope Andries, Melissa Barnhill, April Cain, Erika Carter, Korey Cleveland, Luke Conway, Sydney Duhon, Selena Ferguson, Ameera Ghannam, Ollie Gossett, Leia Graham, Megan Jacks, Trey Joseph, Ethan Lachney, Brooke Leger, Rodney Lonix, Sierra Matney, Sonya McClellan, Autumn McSwain, Abby Nichols, James Perry, Hannah Pusateri, Christina Rachal, Amaria Sapp, Elizabeth Shuler, Laikyn Slusher, Robert Tabor, Emily Wiley, Sarah-Elizabeth Wilkes;

Pitkin – Braydon Doyle, Jayce Doyle, Jessica Jones;

Plain Dealing – Nicholas Cason;

Plano, Texas – Asher Van Meter;

Plaucheville – Alexis Casarez;

Pleasant Hill – Makenzi Patrik;

Pollock – Krystal Bennett, Sarah Hunt, Dalton Kopp, Allyssa Zemp;

Ponchatoula – Keyadda Brim, Kaitlyn Hawkins;

Pontotoc, Mississippi – Elizabeth Murrah;

Port Allen – Evan Daigle, Kaleb Gauthier;

Port Barre – Danielle Schexnayder, Kristen Sonnier;

Prairieville – Hannah Beason, Donesha Blount, Lauren Breaux, Claire Credeur, Kristen Prettelt, Lysia Varisco, Elllise Vice, Brady Wilson, Faith Wilson;

Pride – Ashlyn Johnson;

Princeton – Katelyn Nattin, Ariell Shield;

Provencal – Taylor Craft;

Puyallup, Washington – Aine Oh;

Quitman – Cindy Crawford;

Raceland – Emily Adams;

Ragley – Katherine Greenmun;

Rayne – Bishop Breaux;

Reno, Nevada – Sydney Oren;

Richardson, Texas – Riley Cantrell;

Richfield, Minnesota – Leah Barnes;

Richmond, Texas – Ebonie Francis;

Ridgecrest – Melissa Kelly;

Ringgold – McKenzie Davidson, Autumn McCoy, Olivia Prado;

River Ridge – Rachel Chimeno;

Robeline – Chad Berly, Patricia Goodwin, Hannah Hennigan, Kristal Lachney, Kacy Morae, Ember O’Bannon, Laura Olguin, Morgan Rachal, Hannah Schoth;

Rosepine -- Emilee Johnson;

Ruston – Paul Bryant, Tekiren Evans, Jalen Garrison, Seth Hartsfield, Christopher Letendre, Aujani Richburg;

St. Amant – Larson Fontenot;

St. Bernard – Ashlie Kieff, Emily Snyder;

St. Francisville – Emeria Jones;

St. Martinville – Belinda Alexander, Jacoby Fontenette, Destiny Simon, Maleik White, Cassandra Zenon;

St. Rose – Crystal Jones;

Saline – Makayla Jackson, Isabella Jones, Malayna Poche, Aaron Savell;

San Antonio, Texas – Matthew Aguilera, Anthony Renteria;

Sarepta – Katie Ingle;

Scott – Hannah Durgin, Tayla Soileau;

Shreveport – Aubrey Allen, Katelynn Benge, Frances Boggs, Leta Broome, Makayla Bryant, Shatericka Christor, Kesherion Collins, Naterria Davis, Reonia Davis, Hailey Deaton, Miya Douglas, Daja Easter, Deadrian Egans, Meghan Fry, Cassidy Giddens, Savon Gipson, Ellen Grappe, MIzzani Grigsby, Lindsey Hagan, Adrianne Hampton, Katelyn Householder, Shelby Hunter, Jazzmine Jackson, John Jefferson, Drake Johnson, Korynthia Johnson, Zachary Johnson, Nathan Jones, Summer Jones, Alicia King, Lauren Lee, Samantha Lyons, Tiffany Mack, Caitlyn Malloy, Christopher Markham, Andria Mason, Ashley Mason, Tifphany McClinton, Rici McDonald, Claire McMillan, Samantha Metoyer, Najah Mitchell, Brittney Nicleso-Rayfus, Megan Osborn, Tara Pair, Tierry Perry, Christina Peterson, Kalyn Phillips, Hayden Pilcher, Sierra Prelow, Shelby Reddy, Grayson Roberts, Jalisa Roberts, Savonya Robinson, Madelyn Ruiz, Amanda Rushing, Breanna Samuel, Angelica Satcher, Shermaine Shorter, Jackiesha Simmons, Ciara Sipes, Richard Sloan, Kendria Smith, Jessica Sowers, Jamie Stewart, Somer Stratton, Lindsey Stroud, Khalil Sumlin, Destini Sweet, Hailey Thomas, Anne Tibbit, Katerina Vargas, Khamaria Vaughn, De’Andra Washington, Lakayla Whitaker, Gaylin White, Jamisa Williams, Lajayda Williams, Tre’Darius Williams, Kristy Wilson, India Wright;

Sibley – Madison Mouser;

Sieper – Emily George;

Simmesport – Lexi Gremillion, Elise Normand;

Simpson – Katelynn Martin;

Slidell – Terran Cole, Noah Glass, Tristan Johnson, Rachel Reed, Maci Walgamotte, Thomas Garner;

Sondheimer – Anna Marsh;

Springfield – Tyler Pigott;

Sterlington – Catherine Trichell;

Stonewall – Bessie Cable, Dawson Cranford, Emma Delafield, Emmy Hinds, Robert McAllen, Mackenzie Panther, Maguire Parker, Heather Schiller, Tehya McDonald, Chassidy Sutton;

Sugar Land, Texas – Jake Gore;

Sulphur – Andrew Stephens;

Sunset – Zachary Linville, Lauren Pope;

Tallahassee, Florida – Edward Clarke;

Tallulah – Anna Boney;

Taylor, Texas – Jake English;

Texarkana, Texas – Daphne Hammett, Kristin McDuffie, Jasmine Neal;

Thibodaux – Beth Olin, Cierra Winch

Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania – Brianna Morosco;

Tomball, Texas – Natalee Henry;

Toms River, New Jersey – Jacqueline Manza;

Toronto, Ontario – Rhea Verma;

Trout – Makayla King, Haley Lisenby, Kalee Mcguffee, Andrea Walters;

Troy, New York – Kasey Whitmore;

Tupelo, Mississippi – Bailey Griffin;

Ville Platte – Gabrielle Chapman, Nicholas Blood, Andrea Bradley;

Vinton – Shae Cramer, Toby Stanley, Alayna Zaunbrecher;

Violet – Callie Maschmeyer;

Vivian – Kaylee Scott, Chase Lewis;

Vossburg, Mississippi – Chequira Bonner;

Walker – Madison Arnold;

Walworth, New York – Devonne Seelig;

Washington – Kyeishia Evans, Catherine Stevens;

Waskom, Texas – Blakely Canfield, Zink Kiper, Laken Thompson;

Welsh – Autumn Hanks;

West Helena, Arkansas – Brittani Arana;

West Monroe – Abigail Beck, Austin Dodson, Brianna Fife, Kennedy Ford, Allison Freeman, Aubrey Gamble, Jasmyn Johnson, Eva Sanford, Madison Shidiskis, Melissa Taylor, Christopher Wynn;

Westwego – Tja’h Edwards;

Wilmington, Delaware – Amy Bourett;

Winnfield – Annalise Austin, Harli Austin, Rhonda Duff, Kara Grantadams, Rakeen Williams, Caroline Womack;

Winnsboro – A’Lexus Johnson;

Woodworth – Lexus Weston;

Youngsville – Devin Forestier, Devyn Shores, Sophia Toranto;

Zachary – Laney Davis;

Zwolle – Kierstyn Cartinez, Dayton Craig, Trenton Malmay, Ariana Martinez, Treveon Perry, Autumn Wyatt.

2 notes · View notes