#ashes of memory episode 2

[t0bey]

pretty much the entire racecourse holdup scene in AOM episode 2

[pokemonpowergirl]

Ash's Pokémon Family has grown so much over the years.

[j4gm]

SPOILERS!!! REFERENCES AND EASTER EGGS IN F&C ep. 2: SIMON PETRIKOV

Let me know if I missed anything!

First of all the title sequence is fucking cool. I don't want to speculate about the various things we see in it, like the apartment getting blown up or the Fern tree growing into its 1000+ version, because I'm sure the show will get round to all that!

The first scene was an awesome reintroduction to the post-apocalypse, showing us the dynamic between Simon and Marcy. The button popping off Marcy's dungarees was a reference to young Marcy's first appearance, Memory of a Memory, when she removed one of the buttons herself to fix Hambo's eye.

Simon was show playing a live set at Dirt Beer Guy's tavern in Obsidian. It seems they've gotten to know each other quite well over the past twelve years. Dirt Beer Guy asks Simon if he's read his new book draft, about a character called Joe Milkshake who was first mentioned in the episode Root Beer Guy.

Despite the fact we saw Jake in the trailers, Finn and T.V. pretty much confirm in this scene that Jake is dead, and has presumably been dead since before Obsidian. I guess Bronwyn wasn't the only Jake descendant who Finn took on as an apprentice, but T.V. doesn't seem all that into it. The Finn and Jake we saw in the trailer are likely from an alternate universe that we have yet to see.

Finn uses his weed whacker to cut through these bushes. A nice way of showing he's fully recovered from his Fern guilt. The focus here is very much on Simon's problems instead of Finn's.

Finn parts with Simon to go and visit Huntress Wizard. The nature of their relationship remains ambiguous and I expect it to stay that way.

Simon has the Island Lady from The Party's Over Isla de Señorita in his phone. I guess they reconnected after he became Simon again. He also has Abracadaniel. I always liked Ice King's friendship with Abracadaniel and the rest of the Order of Giuseppe so I hope they're still friends!

Cute Bubbline scene. Back in the episode Bonnibel Bubblegum, Mr. Creampuff suggested he and PB get matching tattoos. Now she's (trying to) do the same with the girl she's chosen rather than some guy who was chosen for her! Also Marceline is using the same phone she's been seen with in a few previous episodes, including Go With Me and Be Sweet.

I think the flying human city is called Up-Ton.

Choose Goose! He keeps coming back! And he's evil now! People were joking about him being the antagonist of Fionna and Cake after that weird post-credits scene in Wizard City and the fact he was in hell in Together Again. I wasn't expecting that to actually come true. Glob knows why he's hanging out in a cage in Simon's house.

The pattern of GOLB's eyes is reflected in Simon's glasses during the ritual. He is doing the same dance that Betty was doing to summon GOLB in the finale.

Among the objects in Simon's GOLB shrine are the Farmworld Enchiridion, the flying carpet that Simon stole from Ash and was later frequently used by Betty, the crocodile clips that Betty used for her magic rituals, two effigies of GOLB, and what looks to be the shell of the snail who was seen throughout the original series.

In this credits sequence, Fionna and cake are dreaming about the mask being worn by the bear than Finn slew, and a butterfly with a smiley face on it. Perhaps symbolising Finn?

Tune in next week for episodes 3 and 4!

[pascallatte]

Mando's Lover?

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader

Summary: The Mandalorian interview but why are you included? (read to find out 😉)

Date: August 2019

Taglist: @benonlinear, @t-stark35, @heyitsme-2, @elleeeee21, @holmesstrange, @tagakalat, @flyestvenustrap, @oldermenaremyreligion, @cherryred444, @avengersheart, @guacala, @pukka-latte, @hobiismyhopeu, @lilvampirina, @ilovehotdadsandshit

A/N: AAAAA we're almost entering my favourite part of the series, but, I might post some throwbacks before we head to that though so stay tuned and like always, enjoy!! also kind of a late post but you know. hehe

Series Masterlist

The pair are seen on the red carpet during this year’s D23 Expo on The Mandalorian, which was to be released three months from now.

“Ok I'm gonna recreate your reaction to-being-casted celebration,” the interviewer, Ash, said as she shook hands with Pedro. She recreated his celebratory reaction making Pedro watch as she continued.

“That’s right. It was- it was a three-act event react play. Yeah, it was like “Oh thank you thank you”.. pass out,” He said also reenacting with an exaggerated crying look on his face, clearly having fun at what was happening.

She brings the mic closer to her to ask him her second question, “But can you walk me through actually finding out you were cast as The Mandalorian.” Pedro who was once looking at her intently, turned to look downwards remembering how that day went. 

“Well I got a call and the actual words were “Jon Favreau wants to talk to you about something Star Wars” and so I said absolutely and I went out to meet him at his offices in Playa Vista and he invited me into a room where he introduced me to Dave Filoni and in this room, it was wall-to-wall, immaculate illustrations of this series which is everything Star Wars-”

He continues to share his precious moments before the final revelation, “-And so being a Star Wars fan myself I was like, “oh what’s this” and “oh I remember that” and “what are you gonna do here” and “what do you want me to do?”” Pedro rambles on about asking them what creature, robot, or whatever role they wanted him to audition for before taking a deep breath.

“-and they looked confused and basically pointed to the- this incredible like silhouette of The Mandalorian. He said you’re the, you’re The Mandalorian. So yeah that’s why I- that’s why I sort of died inside of joy.”

Nodding at his response Ash looks at him,” Who was the first person you ever told when you got the job? Since the role became like a very important one for you.”

Scratching the back of his neck, “Well, y/n was picking me up from Jon’s place, so naturally, I told her fir-actually, I freaked out on her. I kept blabbering on things I can’t even remember you know, it must be the adrenaline I felt at that moment. And then- just then did I call my sister, who is a big Star Wars fan, saying how I’m a part of the huge franchise that she loves and now we’ve done and are about to release the first season, it makes me really happy.” Ending his response with a content smile.

“How could you not? I mean, you mentioned you were a Star Wars fan, so what’s your earliest Star Wars memory? Do you remember like-“ Ash inquired once again, wanting to know more about him and his experience as an interviewer.

Pedro enthusiastically blurted out,” I saw Star Wars- I saw episode four in the movie theatre. I was very young so I don’t remember the experience of being in the theatre for it as well as I do the empire strikes back which is burned into my childhood imagination and  I remember like three attempts to get tickets for return of the Jedi and getting my heart broken every time because it was sold out, and then finally getting the tickets and literally you know like staring at the poster being like I’m finally seeing this movie so it was highly present in my childhood. All the toys you know and all the stories yeah.”

“And now you’re in it,” Ash said, seemingly into his history with Star Wars.

Agreeing with her, “And now I’m in it. it’s weird, leading the series”

“Now, back to being an avid Star Wars watcher. What was your reaction when you were first introduced to your now-girlfriend, Y/n L/n, who played the character Sabe in the phantom menace?"

Pedro looks at her with a look that he knows what she was up to and decides to keep it short, "Yeah well like I knew it was her when we first met but I didn’t like barging into her space telling her that I’ve watched her in Star Wars and loved it because that would be weird coming from this guy you’ve never met before. But now, I can say that we’re now also together in another galaxy."

"Did you ever think you would ever meet her in person or like be with her all those years ago?"

Crossing his arms, thinking for a moment, "I didn’t really well- but to start it off I didn’t even think I would be able to meet her in any way, since she was like in the spotlight already at such a young age so I didn’t really think about it. That was until we got introduced that is and it was one of the best moments in my life," finishing it off with a shy smile.

“That’s sweet, do you think we’ll ever see Y/n as part of your series, The Mandalorian?”

“Good question but we haven’t thought about it really. But with the number of times she’s been on set they should’ve made a character just for her don’t you think?” Pedro said laughing. “Last question, what role from The Mandalorian would you think y/n would fit in if she were to be cast?” she quickly stated as their time's almost up.

Pedro gave her a teasing knowing look, “Ummm Mando’s lover, no I'm joking. But maybe someone in the ranks, probably not a Mandalorian cause she'll look-" he makes a tiny sign from his hands, laughing at himself, "-wearing the armour. Maybe a Jedi, we don’t know really, she can play herself actually. She’ll take whatever they give her.”

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Our pure-hearted, all-loving hero... he can be a little brat (especially back in OS/early in his journey, when he was much more of a hot-blooded boy hero), but his heart's worth its weight in solid gold and he grows into such a kind, patient character with strong ideals, which is why Hero of Ideals suits him best (even the movie manga opted to adapt that version of the movie, rather than the one where Ash is Hero of Truth, and expanded on it!)

[I hope you have "long post" and "image heavy" muted if you need to, because this post's a doozy and given tumblr, if my blog's ever deleted, posts with read mores will be rendered inaccessible forever, so I don't like to make them!]

A lot of people complained about how young Ash looked in BW! (and complained even more about Sun & Moon's very divisive art style... and we wound up seeing great growth for his love of a whole region, and achieved a goal integral to achieving his dreams), but from the first episode of BW!, my first impression was of how mature and calm Ash is with Iris and Trip in regards to their initially abrasive and varingly aloof personalities.

Iris was friendlier and more excitable, more childlike, but Ash took her barbs in stride and patiently waited for her to open up about her dreams (she keeps it secret in the first episode, using that cute, childish word "naisho" instead of saying it's a secret "himitsu"--the same childish word she uses when asked about what Kairyuu/Dragonite told her in their reunion episode) and background (we don't know she ran away from the academy or what her hometown was like until season 2!)

The way Ash handled Tory (who was a traumatized, younger child--and Ash wanted to fight him at first, before understanding him!), Lucario (also traumatized, insulted Ash and Pikachu's bond--Ash fought him and fell off a hill, wrestling with him, before he saw Lucario's memory of being "abandoned" and broke down in tears, apologizing for what he said when he didn't know anything...), Chimchar (a traumatized Pokemon, Ash was patient, kind, and loving to him, even when he lashed out while out of control due to Blaze, which he previously could only use to save his life...), etc., is very different from how he handled Iris (who was bullied subtly by being completely ostracized, no one would sit or eat or play with her at the academy, she was so depressed, she stopped eating--this is canon and not lingered on, but she plainly says it and that her dorm mother making her food that would remind her of home, just berries skewered on a stick, "saved her") and even Trip.

(By the way, Ash apologizing to Lucario, in tears of regret over what he said to Lucario when he didn't understand him is when I first started to truly love and respect Ash's character and growth! Before that, I really was only a big fan of the TRio.)

By contrast to those rockier beginnings with other kids, Ash was patient and encouraging with Trip, even while Trip purposefully kept him and everyone else (even his Pokemon who loved him, as Alder said...) at bay and rejected all his attempts at friendship, before he got the answers he needed from Alder and slowly stopped shutting others out. He had every right to lash out at Trip for making fun of him, but kept trying to befriend him and showed interest in his journey and growth.

(Trip was also his youngest main rival at that point, even if he is a very book-smart child prodigy type who was an excellent battler from the start, he still fell apart in front of unexpected, unorthodox techniques like Bell/Bianca and Satoshi/Ash's out-of-the-box strategies.)

Naturally, there's also his very patient and encouraging bond with Lillie, who also had her trauma-induced fear of Pokemon (much like Tory!) and dissociative amnesia, the early loss of her father in infancy, and the distance between her and her mother (too wrapped-up in work and her obsession with Ultra Beasts to notice her own child's trauma and falling behind her peers...) to overcome, but the focus of this post is BW! I already write a lot about Lillie, she's another favourite of mine. <3

It's worth noting, too, that Pikachu was Ash's first "problem Pokemon"... even if it's usually the Fire types who are traumatized, Pikachu has abandonment issues like Chimchar and Tepig did. Pikachu famously hates being inside a pokeball and Ash always repesects this boundary and becomes very, very upset in XY when he believed Pikachu was forced into a pokeball... the pokeball factory episode was, otherwise, a very light-hearted episode, but Pikachu's boundaries and possible trauma is taken seriously.

This scene mirrors a similar breakdown Alain has when he finds out all he's done, under the impression he was protecting his loved ones, was aiding Lysandre's genocidal plans... both smash their fists into hard surfaces, blaming themselves for failing to protect loved ones.

In a very early Kanto episode, Sparks Fly for Magnemite, we learn Pikachu has abandonment issues so bad, he doesn't want to be separated from Ash for even an overnight stay in the Pokemon Center. It seems Pikachu (fortunately) quickly become much more secure in his bond with Ash and no longer fears being separated for medical treatment, but this is very, very sad and telling!

Although we never delve very deeply into that for most of the series... (an early magazine scan has Ookido-hakase/Professor Oak theorize Pikachu's previous trainer abandoned it), we were finally given some answers late in series!

In the AU movie, Pikachu says* his reason for not going into the pokeball: "It's because I always want to be with you." ;O;

... unless this is a dream or hallucination, given Ash is on the verge of unconsciousness when it happens--but if we really want to believe it happened, maybe his latent Aura post-cognition abailities kicked in and he understood Pikachu's feelings, like when Victini slept in his lap, crying, and Ash saw Victini's dream of his past.

As for the main series canon, in the first episode of Pocket Monsters 2019 (Pokemon Journeys), we learn Ash's Pikachu was a lone, possibly orphaned, Pichu, who was briefly raised by a Kangaskhan, carried in her pouch with her child, until he grew too heavy and quietly left at night (without saying goodbye) to live by his own strength, evolving into Pikachu as he did so.

If Lusamine not taking Lillie's (because they're irrational or not logical) feelings seriously gave her a complex where she always needed to claim her stances are "logical" even when they're based in emotion... I wonder what it tells us that "child prodigy" Trip defaulting to blaming his loss to Alder on him doing something wrong or being inherently lacking ("What did I do wrong? What do I lack?"), because he doesn't ever consider a simple difference in experience is all it is... that Alder's many years of wisdom and Pokemon training give him an advantage over rookie trainer Trip, who's shown to be averse to being called a "child" (Iris ropes him into battling Ash twice by calling him a kid), because he always has to prove he's an adult. He thinks there's something inherently "lacking" in him or "wrong" about his method if he doesn't achieve.

All of that is canon, but if you further analyze his character, Trip has a superiority complex, which is very often a defense mechanism to mask feelings of inferiority. He canonically places a lot of worth in the image he projects and constantly puts down others. Add that to being a child prodigy and his preoccupation with proving he's an adult (but doesn't bat an eyelid at someone calling him "unjust" for his violent methods in the Venipede episode, like he's already accepted being a terrible person, because he thinks striving for peace like idealistic Ash is "naive"--Trip has a very cynical view of adults, yet thinks of himself as such...)

Trip only cares to be seen as strong and mature, not good (he's not even surprised to be called bad, he's already accepted it, he doesn't care), and if he fails, he blames his lack of knowledge or his inherent nature as lacking.

Because his self-worth is in being a genius and being better than the rest, so he seeks outside validation, namely Alder's, who Trip behaves so jealously about, Alder canonically compares him to a fickle-hearted woman (well, he messes up the phrase 'Onna-gokoro to haru no sora.' "A woman's heart is as fickle as the sky of spring" because he was hitting on Junsa-san/Officer Jenny earlier, so he says "fickle as Junsa-san"... Freudian slip. ^^;;;;)

Trip, when asked what he was battling for, what he wanted to prove... he said it was to prove his strength to Alder.

That's all he wanted! To prove his strength and be acknowledged by his hero. Alder even asks him if he likes him. Adeku frankly asks it in the Japanese version, but the dub dances around with "do you have any admiration for a man such as myself"--which Trip doesn't answer verbally, although he really doesn't have to, because the scene makes it clear and is a lens that clarifies all his past behaviour.

That's all Trip wants: love and acknowledgement. Which he believed he could only get by becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature as fast as possible, likely taking Alder's to be some stronger and grow up quickly too literally, as head animator Iwane said, Shootie was just "a little too grown-up."

It takes a long, long time for Trip to unlearn prioritizing battles over anything else and to embrace childhood (which hey, is one of the main themes of BW!), because it's a precious time which we can never return to... so, Alder's current idealogy is to enjoy life, make friends, love Pokemon, and not dwell on the past. Ash's approach to being a Pokemon Champion and Master is the same.

Alder's introductory episode made it very clear he and Ash are very, very similar characters... and we see this again in Journeys, in the kind of advice Champion Ash gives younger kids. Ash and Alder have a similar wisdom they'd like to impart, I know, it's funny calling Ash wise, but he has high emotional intelligence and is incredibly wise in that respect for his age... it took Alder many, many long years to arrive at the same conclusion Ash reached.

Ash's Japanese name, Satoshi, means "Wisdom." (Another cute detail: Ash's little brother, Lei, whose Hawaiian name means a "Garland of Flowers-- in Japanese, would be pronounced as Rei, which also means "Wisdom." Lei likely has a name chosen to have meaning in both Hawaiian and Japanese. ^^)

Bonus shout-out to Ash, Iris, and Cilan all protecting Keldeo until he finds the courage to face his fears, correct his mistakes, and save his friends...

Ash is a very good friend, AG, DP, and BW! are all part of his development into the kinder character he became today. Some people might miss how rude he was to his friends in OS, but he can still playfully dish it out, he's just calmer and more sure of himself, so less likely to sweat the small stuff and recognizes when someone, whether Pokemon or trainer, just needs time and patience.

[squib-2006]

So I’ve finally got some of my thoughts on the new season in order and letting my self sit on it for a while

Dragons rising season 2 spoilers!!!!!

So first off holy shit this season has managed to completely wipe out any fears I had for season two. I’m a generally anxious person and am pretty naturally pessimistic about most things and was pretty anxious about season 2 because from the stuff shown in trailers and promotional vids it looked like a “Lloyd chosen one” plot line and I have a history of hating that kinda thing because it’s been beaten to death in ninjago at this point. While a bit of that was there I found it was done quite tastefully and didn’t overwhelm everything else story wise.

I felt that the pacing of the first 6-7ish episodes was a bit all over the place. Having the training arc and the Cole-Zane plot lines happen in the same episode with the pov switching back in forth felt a little bit off to me.

Sora and arins character arcs are shaping up to be pretty good. Soras more confident in her self than season one and she’s trying to help Arin but I feel like the whole using her elemental power to help Arin will backfire into her face. Arin’s insecurity and the whole how can I be useful if I don’t have an element I fell is being handled way better than the dumb kai arc in season 11(dw I will get to that when I get to kai) and it’s about on par with the Lloyd powerless plot from hunted. I am really excited to see what they do next and if Arin will be really mad at sora or not cuz like he’s super nice and stuff and I fell like he would be sad instead of mad.

Nya didn’t really have a lot going on personally except the stuff with Jay which I’m iffy on because so much of Nyas character in older seasons revolved around Jay and I just hope they don’t go back to that and let her character breath a bit.

In the topic of Jay I really really REALLY hope he isn’t evil. That the idea because it’s really out of character and they are already pushing my buttons with the lost memory crap because that’s something that I’ve rarely seen done well at all and it makes me very nervous and I just don’t like it. I do like that Jay just seems to be a guy who hates his job tho that’s fun.

I think the writers are just having fun with Zane and I think that’s cool. I do wanna punch the administration guy who said Zane isn’t a person because he is and he’s a bean and I will not allow this nobody to slander him.

It was nice to see more of Cole this season. I swear him and geo are so cute. The hand holding and the fact that they basically adopted two kids together is amazing and I am fully on board for this ship.

The villans were really interesting. I hope they keep up the quality with them because the mystery of ras’ master and wtf happened with jordana is really exciting. Cinder was intresting and as someone who has no interest in men what so ever I am kinda baffled at why so many people want this man but hey you do you. I do wonder what happened to ash tho. The member of the forbidden five looks interesting too and part of me is hoping that the leaked “evil jay” minifig is actually this guy just powered up cuz the color palette is similar enough and I just don’t want an evil jay.

Wyldfyre is amazing her whole leg being broken then sneaking on the ship to the exasperation of kai (like he would totally have pulled something like this a few seasons ago the hypocrite <3) and the others was so good. I am curious about her talk with egalt she mentioned one of her family members getting the wasting sickness but it can’t be heat wave cuz he seems fine so maybe she had more than one dragon guardian??? I do hope that Kai’s portal abduction does affected going into part 2 and that she bonds with nya and the others over it.

Egalt and rontu were very interesting to me and I’m glad they didn’t go the route of them being the actual creators of spinjitzu and kept the lore consistent I was slightly worried about that. Hope they come back in part 2 too.

Bonzle was a big surprise for me. I likes her personality in season 1 but I didn’t expect her to be so important. She’s really sweet and the scene with wu was great too.

And finally last but definitely not least, the best character in this entire show and my favorite comfort character to beat the shit out of

KAI

IT WAS SO FREAKING GOOD. I LITERALLY HAVE NOT BEEN THIS HAPPY WITH AN EPISODE SINCE SEASON 4 EPISODE 7 THE FORGOTTEN ELEMENT (iykyk) I was literately kicking my feet like a little girl and crying and screaming my head off to the point I woke up other family members. Him unlocking the rising dragon technique by having his sister help and being in harmony with his family is so fucking sweet and I cried like a little bitch it was so good. I am also so happy that they used his old hair and didn’t just slap a smaller version of his current hair onto him (tho I kinda wish they had used the fucked up custom hair that was in the older episodes but I doubt that model is even in their hands so whatever(side side note I love the fucked up hair so much it’s so stupid I love it and will forever miss it)) him being such a dad to wyld fire was so sweet and then using the rising dragon technique after he saw his family in danger was just perfect. I do kinda wish there was more of a dramatic reaction to him getting yeeted by ras into the portal (kinda like any of the other ninja “deaths/major injuries”) but im fine with what we got. Except I kinda hate that only nya has an outward reaction in the aftermath. No lloyd reaction no Cole reaction and nothing from Zane and it makes me mad because every other time a ninja had their moment there was a whole team reaction. But I’m feeling like that’s to nitpicky and there’s still ten more episodes to fix that so fingers crossed. But kai also encouraging bonzle to close the portal even if he’s trapped inside is such a kai thing and hit me like a truck. Also him calling bonzle kid dispite her being much much older than him is funny and sweet cuz Kai’s big brother/father figure side is coming through and it’s so sweet. And the ninja never quit line is so great I was sobbing even more after that. (Tho I don’t know why he said he got it from Lloyd when it would have made more sense to have it be from master wu cuz that’s where he learned it but eh whatever).

While im really happy about kai finally getting some well deserved angst im also very anxious about it too. This could be the perfect opportunity for the writers to just conveniently forget about him for a while and idk if i could sit through that. Kai is a huge part of why I watch ninjago and he’s always been handed the shortest stick character development wise and technically he never got his own focus season either (and no i dont count the pilots because that focused mainly on all the ninja and was only two episodes, i also don’t count season four because it was more a group season, and season 11 doesn’t count because he got a half baked b plot that sucked) I’m very worried that I will loose enjoyment in the show because I dropped the show out of disappointment after season 11 because A LOT of premonitional material made it seem like a kai season and I got my hopes up and was let down so much. I’m very cautious when getting excited about things involving kai in particular because of that and I’m just hoping the writers don’t fuck it up.

Ok that’s enough negativity for once. I’m so excited for more and am foaming at the mouth for more!

[aziraphales-library]

I know many of the fics post season 2 will be Aziraphale rejecting Heaven and leaving with Crowley, but are there fics of Crowley accepting Aziraphale (reluctantly or not) and going to Heaven with him? :)

Here are some where Crowley goes to heaven...

I'll Come With You by MikkMeek (G)

“I’ll come.” Aziraphale stilled, eyes widening and mouth stuck open. “What?” It was barely a whisper, but Crowley heard it loud and clear. He heard the mixture of confusion and relief mixed into Aziraphale’s tone as if he was unsure of what Crowley was agreeing to. “I’ll come with you.” A lump formed in Crowley’s throat as he forced the words out of himself. “To heaven.” - Or: Crowley goes to heaven with Aziraphale.

if we can’t find where we belong (we’ll have to make it on our own) by Mayverix (T)

It took Crowley all of five minutes to direct the Bentley into an impossibly tight and extremely illegal U-turn. Because Aziraphale had just done something, and Aziraphale wouldn’t do that. Not anymore. Once, maybe, he would have chosen Heaven over everything, but this Aziraphale had walked Crowley’s body into Hell and asked for a rubber duck. This Aziraphale had almost shot the antichrist. This Aziraphale didn’t want to go back to Heaven, which Crowley knew because he’d told him so. —— Immediately following season 2 episode 6, Crowley goes after Aziraphale.

Put me back in it by imnotcryingipromise (G)

Crowley concedes to Aziraphale's wishes and joins him in heaven. The kiss never happens. In a heated argument about duty, Crowley reveals the real reason he chose to follow the angel. The kindling of their romance proves to have devastating consequences. *** "I would do it again, Crowley.”

a painted veil (for all the stars in the sky) by pantheralupus (T)

Red hair, combed back and held by an alice band. A snake wrought not in ash, but in gold, curled just by the ear. A small, hesitant smile. Warm brown eyes. Aziraphale's breath caught in his throat, hardly daring to believe what he was seeing. "Hello, angel," whispered Crowley.

After returning to Heaven, Aziraphale begins to regret his decision to leave Crowley. Then to his surprise, Crowley rejoins him. But all is not as it seems…

Pure of Heart by syrupfactory (M)

Aziraphale had watched Crowley walk away, watched the door close behind him. All that remained was the peculiar tingle lingering on Aziraphale’s lips. But then, Crowley came back inside. What had changed his mind? Aziraphale never got the chance to ask. Moments later, the two of them were on the elevator with the Metatron. Aziraphale remembered it clearly as the last time he was truly happy. Canon divergence where Crowley agreed to return to Heaven with Aziraphale, only for Crowley's memory to be wiped immediately as part of his "second chance" at being an angel.

Factory Settings by Anonymous (T)

Crowley gets reinstated as an angel.

- Mod D

[slutforsnow]

Health and Hell

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

A/N: Genuinely love how much attention these are getting ty and ily everyone 😭🫶🏼 reblogs, likes, and comments are appreciated but not required🫶🏼 (please gimme some fanfic title suggestions in the asks or inbox!/nf)

Summary//Joseph and Violet bonding before his diagnosis & death (I haven't hit episode 4 yet cause I keep rewatching Billy calling out Henry for stealing from Kathleen im sorry 😭)

Cw// foreshadowing Joseph's death, Billy being his own warning again, Billy being emotionally not there, talk of death, whore mention

Billy stood by Mr. Upson, waiting for Violet. He had asked her yesterday to stop by and watch over Joseph while his ma worked, and he was at the ranch until he could get the doctor to come look at him about his nasty cough. He trusted Violet more than anyone, aside from his ma, to look after Joe and considering Antrim was nowhere to be found, he knew that Violet would be a better choice.

"Good mornin' sir, mornin' Billy," came her voice, and Billy looked up. He looked puzzled to see her in a dress. Her bright red hair was in a braid, which was in some kind of bun, and being held together by a dark pastel green ribbon. Her hair and eyes were complimented by her different shades of pastel green dress, which made her look quite beautiful.

"Mornin', Violet," He greeted, turning to her and taking off his hat in respect towards her. "Mr. Upson, this is Violet Evans. Violet, this is Mr. Ash Upson—he's takin' me to a rancher, Billy Matthews, to see about a job."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Upson," Violet replied, smilin politely to him as she shook his hand after he took off his hat in respect to her as well.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Evans," Upson said with a gentle smile.

Billy smiled faintly at the two before leading Violet to meet Kathleen. He found her getting her shoes on and smiled a little more; seeing his ma always made him smile no matter the consequences.

"Ma, this is Violet—she's gonna watch over Joe til we can get the doctor," He said when she looked up.

Violet smiled and waved to Kathleen. "Hi, ma'am."

"Oh, why hello, Violet. I thought you weren't coming until later, but thank you so much for acceptin' to look after Joseph," Kathleen said with a gentle yet worrisome smile. She didn't want to feel like she was putting pressure on a girl that she barely knew.

"I'm just happy to help," Violet reassured with a gentle nod as the two led her upstairs to Billy and Joseph's room.

The harsh hacking and coughing almost brought tears to Violet's eyes. She hated seeing little kids sick—it made her heart hurt because no kid should deserve to suffer to painfully. Violet grimaced a little, remembering how she lost one of her friends to consumption (she was also whores but that wasn't what killed her).

"Hey, Joe."

The sudden appearance of Billy's voice, sound soft and comforting, snapped Violet out of her memory of her friend. She watched from the threshold as Billy told Joseph about Violet and he soon gestured for her to come in.

She walked into the room, sitting in the now empty chair.

Billy and Kathleen left the pair to head off to work and the ranch, leaving them in complete silence.

"Hey, Joseph," Violet greeted softly, brushing some of his dark hair from his face. Her tone was much calmer and collected compared to how she spoke the day before—it wasn't rough and tough. It was gentle and ladylike.

"Hi, Ms. Evans..." The young boy responded before falling into a series of hacking coughs once more. Violet wanted to hold this poor boy and hug him tightly. He was too sweet, too young.

"No need to call me Ms. Evans, buddy. You can just call me Violet," She commented, putting the wet rang, which she had seen on the tin tub on the dresser, on his forehead to hopefully help with his fever.

After a few moments if silence, Joseph spoke up.

"Billy would like you as his girl. Real pretty lookin'; you look real tough too," He murmured, earning a soft giggle from the older woman.

"What makes you say that I'm tough?" She inquired, smiling a bit*

"Those cuts along your nose, Vi. Only a real tough girl would have her scars out in the open."

Violet's smile faded for a moment. She forgot to hide her scars.

"Oh- why thank you, Joe." Her voice was still gentle and soft, not wanting to make him think he made her angry or upset.

As the hours went on, the two had grown close. Joseph was telling her about stories of his life with Billy and Kathleen. She was telling him tales of how she'd grown up in Silver City, aside from her trauma, and how she'd sometimes dress as a boy to play poker and help Jesse with work instead of waiting for some marriage proposal from some sleazy guy.

Joe was having more fun talking with Violet than he'd ever had since his family left New York. He felt happy, even with his awful coughs and occasional vomiting.

[scuttling]

Devil You Know

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries Pairings: Damon Salvatore/female reader (future) Word Count: 2,107 Tags: Just canon typical violence/blood so far, Episode related 2x14 Crying Wolf Summary: Damon's in love with Elena, would do anything to keep her safe—including forming an alliance with a mysterious newcomer who just might change everything. A/N: I consider this a teaser I guess, as plan to write the rest of season 2's storyline! I hope you like it :)

Keep reading below!

Damon goes to the historical society tea party because he needs to confront Elijah. 

It’s absolutely the last thing he wants to do, after blowing off Jenna’s friend Andie, who will almost certainly be in attendance; the last thing he wants to do, knowing that Elena and Stefan are on some romantic getaway to her family’s cabin by the lake. But he needs to protect her, which means finding out more about Elijah and the deal he’s made with her, which means he gets dressed and goes to the party, puts on a smile, charms the pants off everyone like he always does.

It’s not easy, but someone’s gotta do it.

Damon is just walking away from Alaric, heading into the study on Elijah’s heels, when a pretty young woman grabs him by the elbow of his jacket. She fits in at the tea party, in a white sweater, long, tan skirt, and heels, but he can’t remember ever seeing her around town.

“Whatever you’re about to do, don’t,” she says in a low voice. A human wouldn’t have heard it, her lips barely move, but he can and she must know that. 

“And who are you?” he asks, cocking a brow. He doesn’t take advice from people he does know, and definitely not from people he doesn’t; all the same, something about her intrigues him, though he can’t quite put his finger on it.

“Someone who’s not about to let you make the biggest mistake of your life — or afterlife, whatever you call it.” She lets go of the fabric of his jacket, then smooths it out where she’s wrinkled it. “Trying to kill an Original is suicide, so don’t.” 

She says it with an air of finality, almost authoritative, then turns away from him like she’s going to leave. 

He can’t let this girl leave, but he can’t let Elijah go either. He’s torn, feels two warring senses of urgency, looks briefly toward the study and then back to her retreating frame.

“Wait—who are you? How do you know–what you know?” She turns back, hair falling over her shoulder, and shakes her head like she’s frustrated that he’s even bothering to ask.

“I know, and that’s all that matters right now. Look, I have to go; I shouldn't have come as it is.” 

Damon grabs her arm to stop her from turning again, to stop her from leaving, but she frees herself with one firm, no nonsense tug and walks out the door without ever looking back. 

A mystery for another time. Elijah’s in the study, and Damon’s going to do what he came for in the first place.

-

He gets stabbed in the neck by Elijah because of course he does; he never claimed to be rational or sensible, to think things through or weigh the consequences like his brother. He acts on instinct, with more emotion than most people probably imagine him capable of, and then deals with the aftermath as it comes. 

The aftermath of this situation is a very sore throat, and a growing headache, as he mulls over what little they know, over and over and over in his mind. 

“Today was a bust,” he punctuates with a sip of bourbon. He says it to himself, to the room at large, but Ric answers anyway.

“Yeah, that Elijah’s one scary dude. I’d think twice before I trust that dagger and some ashes to do the job. You’re gonna need more info.” Damon frowns.

“But I’m out of sources.” Ric stands to pour another drink, grabs Damon’s glass and does the same. When he hands it back, Damon has a flash of memory from earlier in the day—the tea party, the mystery girl who knew more than she should—and he smiles a little to himself, pleased. “Actually, you know what. There might be one person who can help us out.”

“I’ll take anything we can get,” Ric says, drinking down the remainder of his bourbon in one sip. Damon stands and does the same, grabs his jacket from the back of his chair. 

As they head for the front door he starts brainstorming, deciding where they are most likely to find her. Strangers always seem to gravitate toward the Grill, so they should probably start there, ask around, find out if anyone who’d been at the event remembered her.

Those plans are cut short by werewolves. Goddamn werewolves.

“You know what the great thing about buckshot is? It scatters through the body. Maximum damage,” the one he knows to be Jules says, the one he hates with every fiber of his being. 

They’ve got him chained to a chair—an antique that’s going to be a bitch to restore after this—with some kind of inverted spike collar on him, and he is leaking blood from a hole in his neck for the second time today. It’s a new method of torture for him, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little terrified of the potential outcome.

This is how he knows he loves Elena, really, truly loves her, he thinks. For anyone else, he’d have given up a long, long time ago, out of both boredom and self-preservation. Damon would kill for almost anyone—he kills mainly for himself, anyway—but she’s the only one he’d die for now that Katherine has fucked them all for the last time. 

“Where is the moonstone?” Jules yells, pulling him out of his thoughts with a cock of her gun. One of the wolves pulls on the collar, which hurts like hell, but Damon just shrugs, smarmy as shit. Jules rolls her eyes. “Vampires.”

“At least vampires have the decency not to enter someone’s home without permission,” someone calls from the foyer. Damon can see that it’s his mystery guest, still dressed for the party, as she strolls casually down the hallway and into the parlor, toward the werewolves. Jules takes a good look at the girl, brows tight, as if she’s trying to place her, but the other wolves growl—actually growl—at her, nostrils flaring. It’s clear they know who she is… and that they actually fear her. “If I were you, I’d go. Now. Before another one of you gets hurt.”

Whether she’s referring to Mason or someone else he doesn’t know about, it doesn’t make a difference; the male wolves run out of the house in a blur, and Jules must trust her pack enough to know to follow, because she speeds past the girl and out the front door with the rest of them. 

Damon is impressed. Very impressed.

A minute later, when the house is quiet and the girl seems satisfied the wolves are gone, she steps toward Damon; her heels click across the wood floor, and in that delicate skirt, that pristine white sweater, she yanks at the chains that have him bound to the wooden chair. They nearly crumble in her hands, breaking apart and freeing him from captivity.

Now he’s kind of terrified again. Terrified, and a little turned on, and really fucking confused. 

“Should have let them kill you,” she mutters as she unlocks the collar, her hands slick with his blood but no less precise. She pulls each wooden stake carefully away from his neck, and he sighs his relief when the device is completely off, discarded on the ground. “Do you always have such a knack for getting yourself into dangerous situations, or have I stumbled upon a no good, very bad day?” 

“Hey. They broke into my house,” he reminds her, standing, and what’s left of the chains join the collar in a heap on the floor. The girl lets out a long sigh and puts up her bloody hands in a gesture of irritation.

“Because you’re fucking with, quite literally, the most powerful, ancient beings, things you know next to nothing about, even though I told you not to.”

“No offense, but I have no idea who you are, what you are… Those guys obviously did, and I’m getting now that you’re kind of a big deal, but it takes a lot more than a mysterious girl leaving a cryptic message at a town event to get me to change my mind.”

With another sigh, she sticks out one of her hands, and after a pause he gets what she’s after, reaches out to complete the handshake. 

“Hi, I’m the new resident vampire slayer. Happy to make your acquaintance.” He tries not to show that his mind is a little blown at this, that the prim and proper, frankly beautiful girl in front of him is a killer of anything.

“Vampire slayer? Is ‘hunter’ not cool enough this year?” She drops his hand, then wipes the blood from hers against the fabric of his black henley; it’s not enough to clean them fully, but now they’re merely stained red and no longer dripping with the evidence of his prior torture. 

“Hunters are usually guys with personal vendettas, who spend too much time shopping at the army surplus store,” she says with a completely unsubtle look at Ric, who remains dead on the Persian rug. Either she doesn’t care, or she’s spotted the Gilbert ring, knows what it means. “Slayers are different; we’re born with innate power, similar to what you develop when you transition—though I guess it’s all the same when you’re on the wrong end of a wooden stake.”

She takes a step back as he takes a step toward her—toward Ric, really. She watches as Damon lifts him up and drops him onto the sofa, so he can wake up with a little more dignity, at least. “So, vampire slayer. Are you from around here?” he asks as he turns back. He grabs their glasses from earlier, and a third, and fills them all with bourbon. He offers her the drink, which she accepts, sips. 

“I get around,” she says lightly, carefully avoiding his question. She walks around the room, exploring, as he cleans up, rolls up the soiled rug so he can dump it later on. “This is my first time in Mystic Falls, though I know all about its… rich history.” She takes another drink, this one deeper, like she’s tired after such a long day. He knows he is, so he can understand the feeling. “I’m drawn to where I’m needed, and I wasn’t needed here until the moonstone came into play. Now you've got doppelgängers, werewolves… I’m just fortunate you dealt with the vampires in the tomb on your own, or we’d be in a hell of a lot more trouble.”

“Hey, I’ve changed since then; I was an idiot in love,” he explains, then he fully realizes that’s bullshit; he’s still an idiot, and still in love—or, more appropriately, in love again. 

He throws her a playful smirk, but she’s not laughing when she comes closer and locks eyes with him. It’s the first time he’s looked at her and seen what must be her darker, more dangerous side.

“Love is not an acceptable excuse for your actions, and if you ever give me reason to, I’ll put you down without hesitation. It’s important that you know that.” Her eyes flick over his, as if ensuring that he’s gotten the message, that he understands her loud and clear. “Even when I help you—if I help you—my loyalties are to the slayers who fought before me, who fight alongside me. No one else. If any of you harm an innocent person with intent, I will kill you.”

Damon contemplates that for a moment, he really does; there’s no shortage of people who want him dead, so adding one more to the list isn’t really as impactful as she may believe. He can’t help thinking, though, that if she’s on their side—if she’s willing to fight with them instead of against them—they might actually have a chance against the werewolves, the Originals. They might actually have a shot at eliminating the threat instead of outrunning it, at protecting Elena once and for all. 

It means giving up human blood, which isn’t his favorite thing to do, but he’s done it before, can do it again. Will do it for Elena, if that’s what it takes.

“You have my word, slayer,” he says, peering down seriously into her eyes. For once, he means it. “You help us keep Elena safe, and we’ll all be on our best behavior, or you get to wipe out every creature of the night that lives in Mystic Falls.”

She nods, after a moment, then drains her glass of bourbon with an exaggerated, satisfied smack of her lips. 

“Alright then. First things first: who’s Elena?”

[fantasy-mixtapes]

Kristen Applebees S3 Playlist: Side A

Here's Part 1 of Kristen's Junior Year Playlist, I am obsessed with it so far and will probably continue to be. Descriptions and key lyrics below. Spoilers for Episodes 1-10

Genres include: Pop-Punk, Alternative, Punk, Folk

1. Lavender Bones, Stand Atlantic

I know I'm out of my depth, but I just float in it I try to do my best, stop picking fights with it I wanna be upset, you're not alright with it I can cover it up, I can cover it Try to speak my mind, wish it was by design But I can only confess to having doubts with it Don't wanna feel regret, I'm not alright with it I can cover it up, I can cover it

So this is a perfect background music for the start of a movie about Kristen's life right now and I LOVE finding those songs. It's perfect on so many layers, it talks about feeling trapped, wanting to fix empty habits, and not to mention how "lavender bones" really hits home to my queer little heart. This entire playlist is really a game of guessing when the "you" in songs chosen mean Tracker and when they mean Cassandra, level: impossible

2. Starchild, Sweet Pill

What do you want from me? I am not a charity Work hard at everything Do it all for free What do you want from me? I am not a guarantee Go all or nothing Lose your money ... Set up to win Wind up disappointing everyone In the end I am disappointing mostly myself In the end Hang your Head

I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS SONG Guys its like it was written for this very specific situation. AND THE TITLE???? FOR A CLERIC OF THE GODDESS OF MYSTERY, DOUBT, THE NIGHT, AND STARS???????

anyways just please please listen to it its so great like even without the connection to Kristen, go support Sweet Pill they have a new album being released tomorrow (March 15th)

3. Uneeda, Deady

What about the bones The bones have no problem Turn them into ash And this never happened Your ashes big asses Your brains on the pavement Oh no! I can feel myself rot Unless I take your hand

Ok so this is kind of a genre outlier on the playlist since it is very very alt punk but for me it represents the rage at the mall, Kristen's relationship to Cassandra, and both of their respective reactions to what happened. It's very chaotic, but it was a very chaotic situation and I stand by it plus I love adding modern bands to things

4. Bite the Hand, boygenius

I can't hear you You're too far away I can't see you The light is in my face I can't touch you I wouldn't if I could I can't love you how you want me to I can't love you how you want me to

Yeah, sorry had to whip out the queer break-up big guns. I don't feel sorry I feel right.

5. Untitled God Song, Haley Heynderickx

When you're drunk near a sunset, look straight in her eyes She's a quick glimpse of heaven, forgetting her headlights are on When you misread her fortune, don't misread the joke She's the note on your lampshade, the honeycomb holdin' you And she spins me around like a marionette Oh, my web is still spinnin' My web is still spinnin', you can't see it yet

Immediately going from having total contact with a divinity figure to having to grasp for straws once again to a memory you hold onto, literally holding onto the shards of your faith. Having to both embrace doubt and faith at the same time. Girlies, I'm ruined

6. C'est Comme Ça, Paramore

In a single year I've aged one hundred My social life a chiropractic appointment Sit still long enough to listen to yourself Or maybe just long enough for you to atrophy to hell ... I know that regression is rarely rewarded I still need a certain degree of disorder I hate to admit, getting better is boring But the high cost of chaos Who can afford it?

I love Kristen, and I think her arc this season is extremely relatable; currently, 90% of what she does are bits, and I KNOW it's a coping mechanism, but STILL, WHY ARE YOU SO MESSY. I love you; keep being 17, but god, keep your clothes on and stop going to the steel plants girlie you're gonna give Riz a heart attack

[princeescaluswords]

The Teen Wolf fanspace would be a perfect case study for the Mandella Effect. How fandom works to build false narratives to create false memories among a collective when a story doesn't cater specifically to [their] white interests.

On, god, I am really quite willing to trawl through the history of this show's audience sewage responses just to build a paper around it.

Well, I'll tell you one thing: you won't have a problem finding evidence for your thesis!

After you sent me this ask, I read up on the Mandela Effect, and I have to admit I tried to resist applying it to the Teen Wolf fanspace at first, because there's something dissatisfying to me about looking at my experience through that lens. Intentional misrepresentation can be rejected and countered, but with subconscious misrepresentation, the task becomes so much more difficult. In other words, it's easier to dodge a bullet than an avalanche. In the end though, the result is the same.

My discomfort arises even more as I examine the Teen Wolf fandom through that lens, because you can see examples of the effect consistently. Scenes, characterizations, and flat-out lampshading must vanish completely from the fandom's memories in order for their experience to conform to their peer-reinforced expectations. No example demonstrates this more than the way fandom treats Master Plan (2x12).

Do you know how many times I have had to explain to other individuals in the fandom, both new and old, that Scott's plan was never to make Derek bite Gerard. It was Gerard's plan for Derek to bite him, and we know this. In the episode itself, Gerard crows that science doesn't have a cure for cancer, but the supernatural does. Scott figured out that Gerard had cancer, but Scott didn't know that Gerard planned to make Scott be the one to physically force Derek to do it. Scott didn't know that Gerard could sense Jackson's location and that Gerard would show up at the warehouse. Scott certainly didn't know that Gerard would put Jackson's claws to Allison's throat in order to extort him into doing it. Do you know how I know this? Because the show carefully lampshaded every single thing I just said.

Scott's plan was to poison Gerard so he couldn't get the bite, so he wouldn't kill Derek and be able to become Alpha. That's why he switched out the mountain ash. If he had wanted to simply kill Gerard, as many people have pointed out, why not just switch out the pills for actual poison?

But the fandom forgets everything in that scene beyond the fact that Scott made Derek bite Gerard. They forget the logical conclusion that if Scott had died in Raving (2x08), Gerard would have simply found someone else to make Derek bite him. They forget the reality that Allison -- someone who was far more important to Scott than the man who had stepped on his throat to prove a point, had kidnapped and threatened his best friend Stiles, and had sent his classmates to murder Lydia in his freaking bedroom -- was in mortal danger every moment Scott's hands were on Derek.

But the Mandela effect doesn't stop with Scott. Think about Allison herself at the end of Season 2. She's suddenly a "b*tch" because she hunted down Erica and Boyd. Make no mistake, she shouldn't have gone about it in the way that she did, which Chris Argent rightfully pointed that out. Fandom correctly remembers that this was due to an overreaction to the death of her mother and the manipulation of her evil grandfather, but then they treat Erica, Boyd, and Isaac as if they were innocent victims of prejudice, instead of the people who had chosen to hurt her boyfriend Scott, hurt her friend Stiles (who was her friend, not Derek's and not the beta trio's), and try to murder her best friend Lydia. That doesn't include the fact that she had been personally threatened by Erica and physically attacked by Isaac, or that Derek had accepted Peter -- the man who ripped out her aunt's throat and tried to kill her repeatedly -- back into his pack and was working with him. But two entire seasons' worth of violence and attempted murder simply vanishes in order to facilitate the fandom's judgment of Allison's behavior in the last three episodes of Season 2.

I've put it down to racism and misogyny -- and it is! -- but I have to suspect that it isn't a deliberate decision to forget about all the things Teen Wolf did to lay out the story. It's been encouraged and repeated often enough that it's taken on a life of its own in fandom, and now participants aren't even obligated to take what little they've seen into account. Why should they? It's like it never happened.

[sirenjose]

Melly Backstory Analysis

Melly started out as a “commoner” according to her social status, as well as the talk about Melly’s home village in her 1st letter and the lack of money her family has. It is because of this need that her parents placed “such pressure” on her and called her an “old maiden”.

Calling someone an “old maiden” basically means Melly’s parents were commenting about her not having a husband. At least today, it’s usually derogatory (especially in a way as if they don’t think the person will ever get married).

Her parents though seem a bit… out of touch with Melly. They comment “but I cannot remember a single time anything ever caused you to become upset, ever since you were a child” while the villagers apparently better knew Melly, which was she was unhappy about what they were doing (the pressure and “old maiden” comment). If she’s been like this since she was a child, it seems there’s a good chance this is how they’ve always acted with her. This may mean her parents may have been fairly strict with Melly as she was growing up, not understanding her own interests and likes, prioritizing themselves, and at least not spending enough time asking or thinking about how she may feel or what she may want or think.

This is further emphasized with how they say “we just hope that you can marry well”. Their focus is having enough money and making sure Melly gets married. They don’t seem to have even asked her input on this, or even if they did, probably not in a super understanding way. There really isn’t any mention of what Melly may want. It seems she has to do whatever her parents ask or want of her.

So off Melly goes and becomes a maid at a manor. Once again we see further emphasis on how her parents are with how their first line in the letter is “Your father and I have been waiting anxiously for whatever you can spare this month”. This is before they ask for a word from her or to hear how she is. It shows what their priorities are.

I do wonder about “you can also send along a word or two as you did before”. She at least wrote back about going to marry the lord, but how often does she write otherwise? Makes me wonder if that’s how it’s usually been, even when she was growing up. She must’ve been a fairly quiet, lonely child, unless she spent most of her time away from her parents with the other villagers or outside of their home, which still implies stuff about her.

In any case, she tells her parents that she’s going to marry the lord of the manor (I wonder if this was the 1st time she’d spoken to them in awhile? If she doesn’t talk or write to them much I mean). Her parents, who did want her to marry well, were still shocked after hearing them. So it seems they didn’t expect her to marry *that* well. I doubt that means they didn’t have faith in her to do that well, but the thought did cross my mind anyways.

Melly says she’s been researching insects to have something to talk to him about. We know from Melly’s brief story in the first part of Ashes of Memory Episode 2 that her husband was a “renowned biologist” himself. So in that way, it makes sense for Melly to study insects to be able to have something to talk to him about and get closer to him. The fact her parents don’t understand how this should help shows the didn’t know anything about the lord of the manor Melly works under, even though “the other girls” from the village are implied to go work at the manor as well. Her parents did say they have “never set foot out side the village”, which sort of like with Melly kind of shows how they’re primarily focused on themselves, doing what they need to, and just keeping doing whatever works.

1 thought I had is, maybe Melly was already semi interested in insects before now, but even if she wasn’t, it was during this time when she really started wanting to be an entomologist. Having to study to be able to talk to the lord of the manor about something he also studied, as well as her conversations with him about the subject, probably helped grow this desire over time. It may have been because of this Melly finally discovered something that she enjoyed doing, not just something she had to do for her parents.

So much so she continued researching it even after her husband’s death.

Once again we see more of her parents’ personality when they talk about a good woman being 1 who does all the housework, manages the manor, and is from a good family. They want her to focus on her work, not on what they see is a risk to her losing her job.

To them, they just want Melly to keep doing her job, don’t step out of line, and don’t do anything that she isn’t told to do. I wonder, could we say Melly’s parents are the type who believe in “following the crowd” and “jumping on the bandwagon”? Doing what others are doing, not really trying something different or taking risks. Melly on the other hand seems the opposite. She wants to do her own thing, she wants more freedom, wants to follow her interests if she can, even if that means taking a risk.

Her parents seem to confirm this when they say they are “afraid that if you aim too high, we won't be able to catch you when you fall”. Though earlier before this they did also say they “do not have much to offer you”, which to me feels like they rely pretty heavily on Melly to do stuff for them.

I do still think they do love Melly, as they do say “we hope you can live the best life you can” and to not “sacrifice yourself for the sake of marriage”, but like I said earlier, they seem a bit out of touch with Melly’s interests and also want to play it safe.

It’s from here we get into Melly’s deductions. She does eventually marry the lord of the manor, who we learn is named Joshua Plinius, but it doesn’t remain a happy marriage. We know it ends with his death due to a rare but deadly species of bees.

Before then, we see her deductions mention “sleeping pills” (though we don’t know for sure who they were for. Melly is highly likely, if she wanted it to help her sleep if she was having an unhappy time with him, or maybe she wanted to sleep as a way to avoid him, or it’s possible she used it on him, if not the other way around), Joshua complains of her being “stuck in her own ways” (considering the title of this deduction mentions “individuality”, he may literally mean in her ways, as in her trying to do what she wants then let him tell her what to do, potentially if she wanted him to see her as an equal rather than beneath him. Maybe that’s also why she studied insects. To potentially prove herself, or maybe as she was studying and talking with him, she got the idea of trying to be his equal or just as good as him and have him acknowledge that), they get divorced, she’s seemingly invited to be a teacher, then we get into the lead up to her husband’s death.

Based on her thinking “How will I face the rest of my years with so much missing in my life?”, it seems to be Melly was tired of not being able to do more of what she wanted, of being restricted by those around her, and of being restricted. It’s soon after this she’s mentioned surrounded by bees (which could tie to the 1 that killed her husband) and then her stating “I know what will grant me eternal joy within my mind”. This, combined with her last deduction, should mean she likely made up her mind to kill her husband.

She did say her husband was “extremely meticulous” to his research and even “toward people”. If he showed a lot of attention to details, that could imply he was very particular about various aspects about Melly. He may have been demanding about the things he didn’t like, which potentially eventually wore Melly down until she felt she had to do something.

It is never explicitly stated that she killed him, but this seems the most likely option. Melly says she came her to find out about the bee that killed her husband, as the manor delivered to her a bee specimen that matched with the 1 that killed him. She says she came here to play the game in exchange for the manor owner giving info about that bee species and what caused her husband’s death. But it’s also possible that may not be entirely true.

She said her husband was “meticulous” and ergo that means being very careful. Maybe he was the type not willing to research something so risky or dangerous. Or maybe she in general researched stuff he wasn’t comfortable with, which then irritated him as we see in his deductions, but she refused to stop.

If we go with the idea she caused her husband’s death, and thus she’s the 1 who used the bee on him, rather than to learn about the bee and how her husband died, which she already knows, maybe she came because the manor knowing about that rare bee species implies someone else may have known what she did.

In Orfeo, Melly will leave if she learns you’re a detective or likes to reveal the truth of cold cases. She doesn’t want people to learn she murdered her husband. So, she’s coming to find out who knows and potentially silence them, or to do something for that person in order to guarantee that person won’t reveal what she did to the police.

Melly’s newest B-tier has the description: “With each passing day, the face beneath the veil became more and more unfamiliar, even to herself”. I don’t think she wants people to learn what she did, but I also think Melly is guilty to some degree about killing her husband.

She did start out as a poor but normal village girl, before becoming a maid and then wife of the manor owner. Her parents weren’t very understanding of her and were likely fairly restrictive. She couldn’t show if she was upset or unhappy, she just did whatever her parents wanted her to do. But based on her interest in entomology, I think to some extent she would’ve been happy as a regular villager. Which I think is reflected partially by how she hides her face. She doesn’t care if people think she’s beautiful. She just wants to focus on her research (which I think also partially developed due to growing up as a quiet, fairly lonely child due to who her parents were, so in a sense she’s also always been alone and this is just what she’s always known. That but it’s also likely she’s just the type to prefer the quiet and away from crowds.

Like Norton, I think she was mainly only interested in ensuring she had enough to provide for herself, but after that, she didn’t care about moving up to be the lady of a manor. What she’s wanted even more was freedom to do what she wanted and to follow her own interests and dreams (which is also funny as how that is just like Norton too, who we know only became a miner because his father was one. But similar to Melly, at least he did have an interest in precious ores and metals, which he has a chance to pursue as a “prospector” rather than “miner”, though that was only at the end after everything else). But she’s never been able to do so, first because of her parents, and then because of her husband. Like with Norton, she’s eventually worn down until she stops and thinks about how she’ll be able to live with herself after having missed out on so much and doing so little of what she’s always wanted to do. Everyone wants something from her, but she can never want something herself. Even when she’s finally found something she enjoys, entomology, her husband continues to not want her to have and individuality or restricts what she can do. Eventually she reaches her breaking point, when she decides to go through with a plan to kill her husband and achieve the freedom she’s always wanted.

But she’s very different from who she used to be. She’s no longer just a simple village girl. She’s also lost her innocence now that she’s killed her husband, even if it was because she felt she had no choice. She’s gained her freedom (both from her parents via the money by marrying her husband, and from her husband by killing him), but is she completely happy with herself?

I think like Norton, where he says “they were just unlucky” in his last deduction, in a way she may be trying to justify her actions to herself to help her deal.

As we see with her recent B-tier “Everyday Life”, she sees to hint towards this idea, considering she Is finding it hard to recognize herself, after how much she’s changed, both for good and bad. I wonder if another part of the reason she hides her face is because she’s not happy with who she sees in the mirror? She did want freedom from her husband and parents, so even if she doesn’t regret killing him, I do think she may have preferred it happen a different way. Like if they’d just given her some control, some ability to be an individual. But this isn’t a perfect world and people don’t always get what they want, just like Norton didn’t find gold even after going through 13 different mines.

As I said before, maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Norton and Melly have several similarities. Both didn’t have a choice with the life or environment they got, where they ended up, or what they had to do. In a way, it is both their parents faults for this happening. Then over time, they become so desperate they did something they maybe regret. In some part of their mind, they acknowledge what they did and that it was wrong, which is why we see both of them trying to justify their actions, which implies they both feel some amount of guilt, especially with Melly avoiding people and Norton avoiding the mine and being a miner completely (and both don’t want to talk to detectives).

If Melly has some feelings of guilt, I wonder if for now she’s trying to cope by avoiding thinking about it. Such as by immersing herself in her work, to give herself no time to think, and going out into nature, versus being in the manor where her husband died or even around people. Then there’s the veil she wears, which both may serve as a way to hide from people as well as herself and the person she sees in the mirror.

[littlecello]

Lazarus Ending

Hello again!

First, I need to say a huge thank you to all of you who interacted with the write-up I did the other day. I honestly was a little worried to air out my negative feelings of that afternoon, especially because the audience as a whole (mostly comprised of middle-aged white men, I have to add) reacted so positively to everything - Fern and I felt so uncomfortable by the end. So to come here afterwards and have both our fears and feelings confirmed by so many people, it was a huge comfort. And also, I kind of feel like the fandom seems to have risen from the ashes (hah) somehow, in solidarity after this? Which is just wonderful to think about. So, again - thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I'm so glad we have this little space here that we've carved out for ourselves. 💕

Now, without further ado! I will do my best to summarise what Ashely Pharoah told us the overall arc, as well as the ending, of Lazarus would have been.

Caveat 1: They didn't tell us much, because apparently they're still trying to make Lazarus happen in some shape or form - the most likely option, according to AP, is going to be a graphic novel (good luck to the artist trying to get John Simm's likeness right lol), but nothing is confirmed. Still, this meant they really didn't want to go into detail on plot points.

Caveat 2: This is going to sound mean, but: Ashley Pharoah is a terrible public speaker. He explained the ending of Lazarus, but it was pretty jumbled and disjointed, so I'm having a hard time recalling it and putting it into one cohesive summary. I will do my best!

First of all, here is an addition to the summary of the pilot, which is relevant for the ending - I didn't think to add it for my first write-up, but have since added it for better understanding of the overall plot:

[In 2024] Sam returns to the crime scene once more, convinced that rapist PC was murdered. There, he is snatched by two men (who turn out to be two of the officers who most vocally turned against Sam) and brought to a carpark somewhere. As he's dragged out of the car, his eyes are blindfolded by bandages, and the script specifically stated "like in the music video for David Bowie's Lazarus" - this is where the Lazarus iconography was the most blatant. Sam also catches glimpses of a black star throughout the episode. It is implied that the officers, including rapist PC, are all part of an organisation that whose insignia is exactly that black star. The officers threaten him not to investigate rapist PC's death any further, but when Sam finally manages to get the blindfold off, the two men are nowhere to be found. This is when Sam decides to drive back to the care home to pick up Gene and take him for a drive, in hopes that it will jog Gene's memory or the car he had an argument with.

Now, with this in mind, please do your best to recall everything you can from both LoM and A2A, because here goes:

It turns out that the Black Star is the uhh logo? Sign? Of all the "bad cops" who have escaped "bad cop hell". Meanwhile, the "Police God" or "God of Police" (I swear Ashley said those words in exactly that order, I am not joking) has decided that Gene has done a good enough job as a guardian angel and is ready to go into The Railway Arms. But Gene doesn't want to? And then Gene, Sam, Alex etc realise that, indeed, the "bad cops" have escaped from "bad cop hell", and need to be caught. Which, I think? Is what they end up doing throughout the planned two series of Lazarus? And then at the end Gene does end up going into the Railway Arms and they all have a happy boozy party, and everyone we know and love is there (Ray and Chris got a name mention). Then, as the party goes on, the camera pans to the side to reveal a boy with two differently coloured eyes and slightly snaggly teeth sitting at the piano (three guesses who that is) and starts playing "Life on Mars?". All the cops fall silent and pause to listen, because "they all know what it means". Oh, and outside of TRA we see a black woman - she is introduced in the pilot as being Sam's Chief Superintendent in 2024, I can't remember her name unfortunately, but we also meet her as a 16 year old in 1977 and I think she was meant to start out as like Gene's informant? Anyway, at the end of the show, she's stood outside of the Railway Arms, and it turns out it is now her turn to be the guardian angel of cops.

Again, apologies if I got anything wrong, I found it REALLY hard to follow what Ashley Pharoah was saying, especially because by that point I was already so mentally worn down from all the shitty stuff and the men around us having a whale of a time, and some fairly awkward "questions" from the audience. But there you go. Anyone else who was there, please feel free to add anything I forgot to mention!

[milominderbindered]

wtnv cecil/carlos episodes complete list

look, bc 200 eps is a lot to get through, i made a list of all the episodes with important and/or particularly good cecil/carlos moments. sort of a relationship timeline sort of just notable stuff !!

Episode 1 - Pilot

(First meeting.  “And I fell in love instantly”)

Episode 3 - Station Management

(Carlos gets his hair cut)

Episode 8 — The Lights in Radon Canyon

(Carlos drops by the station, but tragically does not mention weekend plans)

Episode 16 — The Phone Call

(Cecil gets a phone call from Carlos)

Episode 25 — One Year Later

(Their first big moment)

Episode 27 — First Date

(as it says on the tin)

Episode 30 — Dana

(Carlos studying the house that does not exist)

Episode 31 — A Blinking Light Up On The Mountain

(Carlos makes Cecil dinner)

Episode 35 — Lazy Day

(Carlos has a busy day)

Episode 38 — Orange Grove

(An email from Carlos)

Episode 46 — Parade Day

(Carlos calls in)

Episode 49 — Old Oak Doors

(Carlos and Cecil reunite after a disappearance)

Episode 50 — Capital Campaign

(Carlos is trapped, but scientists are always fine)

Episode 51 — Rumbling

(Carlos reports from the desert)

Episode 52 — The Retirement of Pamela Winchell

(An update on Carlos)

Episode 54 — A Carnival Comes to Town

(Carlos calls)

Episode 55 — The University of What It Is

(Carlos’s university say hi)

Episode 56 — Homecoming

(Cecil misses Carlos)

Episode 58 — Monolith

(Carlos asks Cecil to visit)

Episode 59 — Antiques

(Carlos calls)

Episode 64 — WE MUST GIVE PRAISE

(Cecil paints Carlos)

Episode 65 — Voicemail

(Carlos leaves Cecil voicemails)

Episode 68 — Faceless Old Woman

(Cecil is back from visiting Carlos)

Episode 70A — Taking Flight

(A Carlos heavy episode)

Episode 70B — Review

(Carlos and Cecil reunite)

Episode 71 — The Registry of Middle School Crushes

(A heist)

Episode 75 — Through The Narrow Place

(Cecil and Carlos have matching lycra shorts)

Episode 76 — An Epilogue

(Carlos makes a clever plan, and they go bowling)

Episode 78 — Cooking Stuff

(Carlos and Cecil are going to host Thanksgiving)

Episode 88 — Things Fall Apart

(Carlos calls, and they have nicknames)

Episode 89 — Who’s a Good Boy, Part 1

(Carlos tries to save the town with science)

Episode 100 — Toast

(A big step)

Episode 103 — Ash Beach

(Carlos & Cecil visit Old Woman Josie)

Episode 107 — The Missing Sky

(Another Carlos science mission)

Episode 108 — Cal

(Carlos & Cecil’s home)

Episode 111 — Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA

(Carlos with his scientists, and with Cecil)

Episode 119 - eGemony, Part 3: "Love, Among Other Things, Is All You Need"

(Scientists calibrate their instruments to the length of Carlos’s hair)

Episode 124 — A Door Ajar, Part 1

(Carlos doesn’t want to do science?)

Episode 125 — A Door Ajar, Part 2

(A memory of when they first met)

Episode 126 — A Door Ajar, Part 3

(Couples counselling)

Episode 133 — Are You Sure?

(Carlos’s hair is unusually perfect)

Episode 147 — The Protestor

(Cecil doesn’t know an astronomer, but he does know a scientist)

Episode 149 — The General

(Cecil and Carlos go on a ‘first date’)

Episode 150 — The Birthday of Lee Marvin

(Cecil and Carlos’s 6th anniversary)

Episode 153 — The Heist, Part 1

(Carlos does science at home)

Episode 154 — The Heist, Part 2

(Love is the most important news story)

Episode 155 — The Heist, Part 3

(Carlos is a person of interest, which Cecil has been saying for years)

Episode 159 — Cat Show

(Debates over whose last name Khoshekh should have)

Episode 163 — Bravo

(They go to the theatre)

Episode 165 — Charlie

(Remembering when Carlos was in Desert Bluffs)

Episode 166 — Delta

(Carlos bought….handcuffs….at Target….)

Episode 167 — Echo

(Cecil knows that Carlos liked him from the very first time he called)

Episode 176 — The Autumn Spectre

(Carlos meets Bloody Mary)

Episode 177 - Bloody Laws, Bloody Claws: The Murder of Frank Chen

(Carlos calls)

Episode 181 — C*****s

(Reminiscing… and a new addition)

Episode 182 — It Sticks With You

(A family hike)

Episode 192 - It Doesn't Hold Up

(Carlos falls asleep during movies)

Episode 198 — Them Woods Are A Maze

(They take a break from parenting)

Episode 205 — The Moon is Gone

(Carlos plays Elden Ring 23 hours a day)

Episode 208 - Cecil in The Big City

(Carlos and Cecil take a trip)

Episode 209 - The Black Coat

(It’s nearly ten years since Carlos arrived in Night Vale)

Episode 210 - Ten Years Later

(It’s ten years since Carlos arrived in Night Vale)

Episode 212 - The Campus

(Carlos calls in about his old University)

[aftgficrec]

Hey! I love your page and getting fic recs! Do you have any fics where Neil goes or agrees to go to therapy? I’m good with Bee or someone else as the therapist too. It can be canon or an au. Thanks so much! :))

I was pleasantly surprised by how much we found for you! -A

previous recs:

‘another life to live’ here

‘Oakland’ here (completed)

‘you’ve been locked in here forever (and you just can’t say goodbye)’ here (updated)

‘If it means protecting you (I’ll pay my dues)’ here (updated)

‘Interlaced’ here (updated)

‘Regrowth,’ ‘To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself,’ ‘I took a breath and took the knife,’ and ‘flashes of intimacy’ ch 4 here

‘call me in the afternoon’ here

‘The Wild Fox Den’ and ‘Roses Grow Between Bone’ here

‘(My Heart) Pierced By a Pin’ here (completed)

‘The Sun Still Rises’ here (updated)

‘day by day’ here

‘the shuffling of cards’ here

‘Ain’t it fun’ here

‘Breathe, idiot’ here

‘Healing’ series part 1 here, part 3 here (completed)

‘The Fear of Being Known’ here

‘That one party’ series and ‘keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ here

‘Affection can be shown in so many ways’ here

‘Ghost of You’ here 

‘Make This Leap (Geronimo)’ here

‘Tenuous’ here

‘There is Nothing You Can Say’ here (completed)

‘of ice blue eyes & twisted veins’ here

‘don't break the glass’ (completed) here

‘Bad Apple’ here 

‘Phantom Pains’ here

‘Therapy’ here

‘Birds of a Feather’ here (updated)

‘In which Neil had Aspergers and Andrew finds out.’ here 

‘For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry’ here (updated)

‘I Wanna Get Better’ here 

‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ parts 6 & 8 here

and more:

‘Ember’ here (completed)

‘leave the room (with a little dignity)’ here

‘Art Hoe’ here

‘Blame It On My Youth’ here (updated)

‘Black as is the Raven, He’ll Get a Partner’ (here)

‘Our body’ series, part 1 here, part 3 here, part 5 here

‘and all the roads will disappear’ here

‘crossed out’ here

‘Double Trouble’ series here

‘i had a dream (where you couldn't hear me screaming)’ and ‘hold me close, in fact bury me’ here 

‘Just closed eyes with nothing behind’ here

‘doubt thou the stars be fire’ here

‘SCAR TISSUE’ here

‘Lighter Fluid’ here

you may also like:

‘The Sound’ here

historians by cielalune [Rated M, 21508 Words, Complete, 2023]

He remembers when she didn’t smell of ash, but perfume. The times they’d play the radio to fill the quiet of the car, and she’d hum along. How she never missed a single exy practice, and cheered for him each time. She wasn’t all too different from Cass in the end. Just because she was dead didn’t mean she was buried. Five times Neil tries to come to closure about the person Mary Hatford was, and the one time he accepts who she came to be.

tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: heavily referenced rape/noncon, tw: heavily referenced csa, tw: heavily referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: sleep paralysis, tw: depressive episode, tw: flashbacks with blood & gore, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: victim blaming

Mommy Dearest by chronically_peach [Rated G, 915 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil doesn’t talk about his mother much but Andrew knows it’s a touchy subject for the redhead. After a session with Betsy Neil admits he’s been thinking about his mother and allows Andrew a glimpse into who Mary Hatford really was.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Pain of a Forgotten Face series by Rose_vine [Collection, 2 complete works, Updated 2021]

Part 1: Pain of a Forgotten Face [M, 3086 Words] Neil Josten is awoken by a face in his nightmares from twelve years ago, a face he barely remembers. When he tries to brush it off and go to practice, he realizes too late that some memories refuse to let themselves be forgotten.

tw: ptsd, tw: panic attacks, tw: nightmares, tw: hallucinations, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: blood/gore

Part 2: A Hand to Hold Me Back From The Cliff [Not Rated, 2132 Words] After Neil collapses on the court from a flashback from when he was younger, Andrew convinces him to go to therapy. This is his first session with Bee, and it is only Andrew at his side that gives him the strength to walk through the door.

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

After the Beep by kanekei [Rated T, 1030 Words, Incomplete, Updated Sept 2023]

Neil works through his relationship with his dead mother by leaving her voice messages that she'll never hear. It’s healthy, Bee says. He can’t help but think having the Minyards as patients has skewed her perception of what that word means. The number you have reached is not available. Please leave your message after the beep.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced violence

The Foxes by akaashisramen [Not Rated, 3386 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2023]

Trans Neil is on the run from his father and goes to his uncles house. His uncle promises him protection and allows him to play Exy as long as he goes to group therapy to process his mothers death.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture

someday, we'll grow by nopunintended [Rated G, 2078 Words, Complete, 2021]

Andrew and Neil see Betsy for a couple's therapy session per Andrew's request.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Couples Therapy by P0tatonoah [Rated T, 2014 Words, Complete 2020]

I got a lot of comments (like 3 or 4) on my breakup fic asking for a part 2 where Neil and Andrew patch things up and live happily ever after… This is not it. But you can read it as an alternative ending if you want. 

tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual touch, tw: implied/referenced violence

NB: find P0tatonoah’s andreil break up fic ‘Home...?’ here

They sicken of the calm, they who know the storm by EdgySpaghetti [Not Rated, 3162 Words, Complete, 2023]

After storm there always comes the sun. People born into the storm, who growing up sees only black clouds and lightnings striking everywhere, just learn how to live with it, how to protect themselves from cold, wind and rain. They recognize the pattern, know that lightning will struck sooner or later and are prepared for it. What are those people to do when there is no more dark clouds? They don't know how to live in this environment, how to dress to not get too hot and how to prevent potential sunburnt. They never had to do that before. They're still expecting the lightnings.

tw: ptsd, tw: anxiety, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: anger issues

Can I finally stop running now? by gracefromspace [Rated T, 12110 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil is intrigued by a blonde baker with piercings, two therapy cats and strong arms.

tw: heavily referenced torture, tw: flashbacks with blood/gore, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: anxiety, tw: negative self image

can't blame it on my youth by PoolToast22 [Rated G, 2650 Words, Complete, 2022]

The one where Neil Josten is Fine TM. But he's also in therapy. And today Bee decided to ask him that question.

hold on to happiness by minyarday [Rated T, 551 Words, Complete, 2020]

"self esteem had never been something Neil cared about. when you are a runaway that don't even have a place to call home, you learn to prioritize certain things and forget others" only that now he has the time to think about it

I'll Come Back To You by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 6900 Words, Complete, 2022]

Some of the things he’s learned today feel like stories about someone else: Neil switched to playing striker at a tiny high school in Arizona. Aaron lives in Chicago with his wife. Andrew’s cousin calls Neil every Tuesday, because Andrew is too stubborn to pick up the phone himself. But other things are clear truths, even if they’re more abstract: Neil’s mother died. Andrew is safe. Neil was supposed to stay, but part of him is gone. - - - - It's about dreams, reality, trust, patience, and determination. It's about making promises and keeping them. You'll figure out the rest.

tw: car accidents, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced violence

I will help you swim by unojonex [Rated E, 11699 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

He’s slowed down, stayed in one place for more than a few months and it's all caught up with him. In his sleep, ghosts of his past haunt him. And they have no mercy. Dreams and imagination swirl together in a confusing mix of nightmares that don't go away, even when he's awake. -- basically Neil and Andrew getting together while also dealing with a lot of trauma

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/refererenced torture, tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: suicide ideation, tw: graphic nightmares with blood/gore, tw: dissociation, tw: hallucinations, tw: panic attacks

But Touch My Tears with Your Lips by transjorts [Rated M, 4070 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2022]

Andrew is sitting across from him, expression neutral, fork in hand. He’d dragged the tinnes across the plate—purposefully, if Neil had to guess. Andrew has already cut the burrito up into tiny pieces and spears one morsel on the fork, lifting it to his mouth. “Hi,” Neil says. Andrew chews, very deliberately. “Do you feel better?” Neil frowns. “What?” Andrew eats another bite. “Did all that running make you feel better?” Neil sighs and glances down, noticing that his water has been refilled. He takes a sip. “No.”

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: nightmares, tw: dissociation

let's just sit awhile by artiest [Rated M, 17291 Words, Complete. 2022]

Neil and Andrew don't have to keep fighting for their survival. They can settle now. It's hard, but they're trying. OR: During Neil's second year in Palmetto State, him and Andrew learn to take care of each other.

tw: severe mental health issues, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced torture,  tw: nightmares with blood/gore, tw: flashbacks,  tw: dissociation, tw: violence, tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: vomit, tw: alcohol abuse/alcholism

I could never give you peace by freshtaylorswiftduck [Rated T, 3407 Words, Complete. 2022]

Neil has both bad and good days. Today is a bad day.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attacks

10 tips to stress less, without the tips by lumos_max [Rated T, 5404 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Fall 2020]

A lonely Neil lets his therapist bully him into checking out the clinic's support group without too much fuss, but little did he know he wouldn't be checking out the group that day, instead meeting a dramatic hunk of a man who drives a fancy car and forgets to wipe the cream off the corner of his lip. It's only fair that Neil tries to do it for him, right?

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

“God, I have my father’s eyes.” by perks_of_being_a_writer [Rated T, 673 Words, Complete, 2022]

This is based on Family Line by Conan Gray. In this short story, Neil is at a therapy appointment where he and Betsy dive into his parental issues. This covers Neil’s abuse from both parents (because, yes, Mary was abusive and a bad mother). This is Neil learning that it's not his fault his parents hurt him and accepting that he is loved.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

"There's blood on my/your hands." by markonasurface (idwir) [Rated T, 4667 Words, Complete, 2018]

The year after his 19th birthday, the other team decides to recreate the bloody locker scene complete with a ‘Happy Birthday, Jr.’ Instead of stuffing everything down, Neil has a complete freak out and sinks into a depression.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks, tw: ptsd, tw: major depressive episode, tw: homophobia, tw: disordered eating, tw: vomit

Nothing is Safe series by hismiley16 [Rated T/M/E, Collection, 7 complete works, Updated July 2023]

Parts 3 and 7 recced here

Part 4: Written On His Skin [Not Rated, 11344 Words] The Foxes face the Ravens for the first time since Riko's death and things go as well as expected. Andrew is mildly injured on the court and isn't there to protect Neil when the new Evermore captain comes for him after the game. The team sees more than Neil ever wanted them to, including the ghost of Nathaniel he thought he'd buried in Baltimore.

tw: vomit, tw: bullying, tw: nonconsensual touch/assault  tw: dissociation, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced animal death, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

The Josten Anxiety Method by orphan_account [Rated M, 1721 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil talks to Bee about his anxiety.

tw: anxiety, tw: hallucinations, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Looking in the Mirror Never Felt so Good by Trimorphia [Rated T, 8693 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil Josten's journey to becoming a real person.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Achilles Come Down by infernalstars [Rated M, 5017 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil Josten was a liar before he was anything else. In the nest, sometimes his choices were between lying and dying. He’d had a decent amount of self preservation that he’d chosen the former. But now, being free, the world felt so heavy. He wished he’d chosen dying.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: eating disorders focus, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: vomit, tw: depression 

prompt: Neil x therapy bullet fic by @sadboyayeron [Tumblr, 2020]

[silverselfshippingchaos]

If you have a Durarara insert, I'd love to know 2, 5, and 14 for them! Thanks! /gen

Oh absolutely!

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

Ash is introduced in the first episode! It's established that she has a crush on Dotachin pretty early on (it's not long before they start dating), but she's a member of the van gang! I have some pretty similar interests to Erika, Walker, and Saburo so my S/I is very close with them!

You meet Ash for the first time when you meet the rest of her friends. She's pretty sweet, but she can get a little distracted whenever she's talking about her favorite anime and manga and games with her friends.

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

Nope! She's a fairly normal person, which is something I really respect considering that the cast has some... um... colorful personalities. She's seen a fist fight or two, but she's not throwing vending machines or riding shadow-motorcycles!

DRRR Ash is a special case in terms of my other S/Is. You have

50 y/o sad single moms that are pioneers for modern-day magic theory and some of the most accomplished people to ever come from her home planet (F.F13 Ash).

You have nearly 1000 y/o fire spirits that become pirates for the heck of it. (B.erseria Ash)

You have tired, trained assassins that have sold themselves to their work. A hollow shell of what they used to, to the point where they find enjoyment in what they do. Also a magic researcher on the side. (F.F7 Ash)

You have this young woman who has been training to be a mercenary since she was a child. Lacking memories of her early years, the only thing she knows is the guns in her hands. (F.F8 Ash)

... That's only the tip of the iceberg, but you get the point-

I have some very wild and fleshed out S/Is! I take a lot of pride in making them multi-faceted characters. But... DRRR Ash is Just Some Dude. And honestly, I like that. She's a lot like me and she's just chilling. Nothing fancy or special, just a regular person who falls in love with a regular guy.

14. what hobbies does your self insert have?

As I mentioned earlier, she's really tight with the Van Gang, so they share similar hobbies! Animanga aside, she's a huge gamer. Again, she's a lot like me.

She's also part of Erika's cosplay group and likes building costumes with her! She's pretty normal as far as S/Is go! Just enjoys being a nerd with her nerdy friends.

She also likes collecting plushies! If you see Kyohei blushing while giving his crush a gift, no you don't hehehe.