#aster vent

[asterjaxx]

oh no it's almost like someone reported you for being underage.....

[mcsm-r0ckz]

The MCSM fandom be all fun and games until you get fucking attacked by everyone and called out by everyone for nothing and can't explain because your blocked.

[aster-fortuna]

istg someday im gonna have a heart attack and just not notice because the daily symptoms i get r like

heart palpatations

chest pain

arm pain

numbness on occasion

nausea

like i eat any food ever and my bodys like Time To Play Is It Death Or Is It Chronic Illness

[sword-and-nightingale]

I'm just going to put this here: while there are some shitty trans men on this site, if you're using them to put down all trans men, you're a transphobe who is no better than someone that puts down all trans women when one doesn't live up to the impossible standards that people put on them. Stop saying you're for trans rights if you're not advocating for trans men, too.

[flowerhound]

Tonight is not a good night. I wish I could talk to my f/os about it.

[asterofthedeepforest]

I hate apple and their stupid no adult content rules

BUT GAMBLING IS FINE! HELL EVEN TEENS CAN GAMBLE FOR SAMEY FUCKIN ANIME GIRLS N BOYS

BUT HEAVEN FORBID ANYONE POST A DRAWING OF A PART OF HUMAN ANATOMY DOING A NATURAL HUMAN FUNCTION

They say it’s to protect kids but you know damn well it’s to pander to conservative christians who hate queers

[asterdotash]

ok this needs context

i'm part of the tabletop/d&d club at my uni, we're a pretty big club all things considered and we have most communication through a discord server for members

in said discord server there's an art channel, where people put creative things they have made to show off to other club members

this is where it gets.... questionable

someone, one day, decided that picrews should be shared in the art channel, not the general media channel (which is used for videos, images and music links).

this has lead to the art channel being swarmed with people sending their version of the picrew after a link to one has been sent.

here's my issue, i posted a picrew link earlier today, along with the image i made with it (it was a cutesy icon maker, one i hadn't seen before).

a few hours pass and i post some art i had drawn, along with a timelapse my art software had created as i was drawing.

people only responded to the picrew. in fact the picrew sparked a new conversation about some earrings someone had made.

i don't mean to discredit the person who makes earrings but... the person who made the picrew wasn't in the server. they had no idea i had shared a link to it. i was there though. and i had made something that i was proud of and no one responded

not a single response

not even a reaction

eventually i sent a message about this and i have since gotten one (1) heart reaction.

i don't want to complain about not getting attention, i don't want to be bitchy about it but... it hurts y'know. i know these people irl it's not the same as not getting any notes on a tumblr post. i thought they would boost me up or something...

[explodesyouwithmymind]

I miss certain people so bad it's humiliating. It's our own fault they don't want to be around us anymore. The details are fuzzy at this point but I know it's our fucking fault. I miss having people to talk to, and being that kinda close with people. I wish It hadn't taken the complete destruction of the first good relationships we're had in a long time to realize how fucked up we are at safely navigating interpersonal relationships.

[aster-writes-things]

the first of anything i've put here. ignoring the fact it was technically made as a vent that i later no longer needed, but felt obliged to finish. honestly, i'm more proud of the fact i finished it the way i did. just ignore the fact it was a vent fic and i project all of my emotions onto ink when i can, and tada!

so here we go. hurt/comfort

cuz i love angst with a happy ending :D

Ink has always been a strange case. Even he knew that. No soul and only little bottles of paint to call his emotions. He knew he was strange, but that didn't stop him. No, it only stopped him on those rare occasions when Error would stop destroying. He couldn't explain why being alone with his thoughts is a bad idea, no matter how many times you asked him. It happened so rarely that he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember half of his own doubts, unless he had nothing to do but think about them. That is what brought him here.

Ink was… crying? He didn't know why. Error wasn't doing anything, and Nightmare wasn't causing any sort of chaos. Why was he crying? He didn't understand. What was going on? Did he do something? No, that was the problem. He failed to save many AUs. Not to mention, his emotions were fake as anything. He knew that. He knew that his emotions weren't real. So what was the issue?

He curled up, sobbing. Thoughts flowing through his mind on how useless of a protector he was. The creators were counting on him, and he failed them multiple times. He wasn't sure what to do. His emotions were fake. Dream said he was proud of him once. Why? He never did anything on his own, always relying on the paint. He failed countless AUs. He failed so many times, he wasn't sure if he could take it. What was he doing wrong? Why would anyone be proud of him? He couldn't get out of his own head, disastrous thoughts swirling around.

“Ink?” he knew that voice. It was calm and gentle. He must have produced enough fake negativity to worry Dream. He spiraled further down into his dark thoughts.

“Ink? What happened?” he knew he should respond. He couldn't. Another sob shook his form as he desperately tried to talk to Dream. Dream seemed to call someone over before pulling him into a tight hug.

“I- I don't-” that was all he could say. He hated that. He wanted to say more. He needed to say more. Dream shouldn't have to deal with this. Shouldn't have to deal with him.

“Dream, why did you call me here?” he knew who that was. No one else had a voice like that. He couldn't stop himself from shaking and sobbing more.

“I- I'm-” he choked on his own sobs, trying his best to tell them to leave him as he is. He was hardly worth the effort, “G-guys- y- don't-” he could hardly form his own thoughts. He knew exactly what would happen if this continued. He desperately tried to reach for the yellow paint, to at least drown out all of this. To make them feel better.

He could hardly hear what Dream and Error were saying at this point. He was trying so hard to get to the yellow paint, or to at least tell them that they can leave, “L- don-don't- waste-” he tried to pull himself away. Dream just held on tighter.

“Squid, what happened?” Ink couldn't answer. He just kept sobbing uncontrollably. He kept trying to speak, but couldn't seem to get anything more out of his mouth. He wanted to say so much, but it all hurt. Why wouldn't it stop hurting? Why… no. He did deserve the pain, he knew that he did.

“I- s-sorry” he managed to get his apology out. He wanted to apologize more, but he couldn't. He failed to get a single word out.

“What are you sorry for?” Dream looked at him, confused and concerned.

“I- I- you know I- I'm s-soulless. W- why do y-you c-con-tinue t-to-” he broke out into more sobs, looking down and to the right. He didn't deserve this comfort, not after all the problems he caused, and how much he failed to save the AUs.

"Ink, look at me.” Error was now in front of him. Ink tried to shake his head and look the other way, but a hand stopped him and forced him to look up anyways,"Ink, you still have feelings. You can still feel. You can't tell me you don't, because the fact you're upset about this anyways denies that fact. I've seen you when you don't have any emotions. This is not that. You do feel." 

Ink broke down more. He didn't know how to respond to that. He was waiting for them to hate him. That happened to all the other's. It always happened. It was why he constantly showed up. It was why he worked so hard. He couldn't be forgotten. He refused to be alone. 

"I- I'm not- J-just- I-" he was back to hardly forming any words again. He hated that. He hated how useless that felt. Why could he speak? He just needed to tell them that he could drink more paint. It would go away then.

"It's ok Ink. It's alright, we're here." Dream patted his back gently. Ink wanted to pull away, but couldn't. He was tired. He was still sobbing heavily, but he was so tired now. He rested against Dream slowly, calming down as he slowly fell asleep. He never noticed the concerned and relieved expressions of the two who were there with him.

He woke with a yawn. He was so tired. Why was he tired? Did he stay up late on a project again? He looked around, but didn't see any projects. Dream and Error were on the floor in sleeping bags. Blue's bag was there, but he himself was nowhere to be found in the room. Why were they there? Was there some sleepover he forgot? He never forgot entire sleepovers though.

It took a few moments, but he remembered what happened. His eyes widened, and he realized he'd have to talk about what happened. He didn't want to, but he knew that they wouldn't leave him alone. Not after the fact he... did he fall asleep? He must have, but that would mean he fell asleep on Dream.

He sighed and got up quietly. He was surprisingly quiet when he wanted to be. He got ready and left without much sound. He wanted to see what Blue knew about what happened. He wondered how much was told.

He knew the smell of Blue's breakfast tacos by now. He went into the kitchen and smelt them instantly. Smiling to himself, he walked in, almost forgetting why he was there in the first place.

"Morning Blue" said skeleton jumped upon Ink's greeting. His smile widened upon seeing the energetic skeleton spooked by his entrance.

"Morning Ink! Glad to see you're doing better." Blue looked at him happily for a few moments before going back to breakfast.

"Eh, it was a strange thing. Not sure what happened, honestly." he shrugged and sat down. He knew what happened. He was alone with his thoughts. Sometimes, he truly is as much of an airhead as everyone claims him to be. Other times, he seems to recognize more things than he wishes to. He hated it, but could do nothing about it.

"Dream was really worried. Honestly, I wasn't told of the entire situation, but I'm sure it'll be explained later."

"Probably. I'm not expecting them to drop it. Not when I fell asleep during it too."

"They won't. They told me they'd catch me up when you woke up, and judging by the fact you're here alone, they weren't awake when you were."

"Nope! And I got by without waking them ei-" he figured that was wishful thinking. Of course they'd wake up soon if he did. He was hoping he'd get some time to possibly leave, but seems luck wasn't on his side.

"Ink! You didn't wake us up." Dream acted like he expected Ink to wake him up.

"Uhhh- you were sleeping?" he tilted his head slightly in confusion. He didn't get why Dream would want him to wake them up.

"We wanted to talk to you though-" Dream was cut off by Ink.

"There isn't anything we really need to talk about though. I mean, it was a one time thing! Seriously, there's nothing to it." he tried to get Dream to drop it. He wanted Dream to drop it.

"We really should talk about it! You were feelin-" 

"It was a fluke. I probably drank too much blue or something Dream. There isn't anything wrong!" 

"Ink, seriously, lis-"

"Both of you shut it!" Ink hadn't realized Error was there. When did he show up? "Ink, we need to talk about it, because you sure as hell didn't take too much blue." 

"How do you know that?" Ink tilted his head slightly again.

"Because I keep track of how much you usually drink. You don't have any less than what you normally would, which means that you didn't take more blue than normal. Which means that this is something we need to talk about."

"...I- what even is there to say?" Ink didn't know what to do. He was confused and he didn't want to talk about this. There wasn't any reason to.

"Ink, what happened?" Error was now the one questioning him. Dream was over by Blue's side now, probably telling him about what happened, most likely.

"I- I don't know" he took a step back, trying to remember. He couldn't ever remember anything. Stars, no wonder people usually were so infuriated with him.

"Ink, please. You don't have to say what you were doing before, just what happened to make you feel like that."

"I- I was thinking. Then, I- I shouldn't do this. I- I shouldn't-" he suddenly backtracked. The same thoughts from before started to return. He took a step back.

"Ink, please. Tell me." the plea in Error's voice made him stop and look.

"I- I just- nothing was wrong. Every universe was fine- I don't get it. I hadn't- nothing had gone wrong recently. I- why did- why did I remember every time I failed? I- I know- it's-" he had tears running down his face. He tried to cover his face, but it didn't work. Error gently pulled his hands away and slowly brought him closer.

"It's alright Ink. You did your best, and-"

"M-my best wasn't g-good e-enough." 

"Shush. Your best was enough to give them hope and to let some escape. You can't win every fight, and how many times did you show up already hurt from something else?" 

Ink stayed silent. He didn't want to wrap his arms around Error. He didn't want Error to crash, or to not want to be near him again. He let his arms stay limp as Error tried to comfort him.

"...I- I'm sorry" he spoke after a new minutes. He couldn't take it. Why was he still upset? This isn't how it was supposed to work. 

"For what?" Dream was suddenly there again. When did Dream get that close?

"You came here for me, because I was upset, but... It's a bit pointless, isn't it?" he slowly looked over at Dream, not moving too much from Error's embrace.

"It wasn't pointless-" Dream wanted to say more. Ink knee that, but he wasn't done yet.

"My emotions... my feelings... they're not real, are they? I don't have a soul. They're not real, they're fake. You're here, worrying about something that isn't real. I'm sorry." Ink looked back down, away from Dream. It looked like Error was getting irritated, because he started to glitch more.

"That isn't true Squid. You take them all, and you use them all. You allow yourself to feel naturally. You don't come with this emotions, but they still change based off of environment. They're just as real as mine." Error's grip tightened around him. Ink looked up, confused. Did he really think that?

"Error's right. You're emotions change naturally. You just need an outside source, but even then, you still feel. Something sad happens, you still get sad without drinking your paint." Dream gently pat the top of his skull, giving the warm smile he always does, even if tears are slowly building up in it.

"Yeah! They flow and come and go. Your eyes show that much!" Blue was enthusiastic about it. Ink knew that Blue really wanted to help, but he couldn't figure out what to say that wasn't already said.

"...thanks guys." he smiled and tears fell from his eyes again. He went partially limp in Error's arms,.to which Error had decided to sit down. The others came and hugged him too, being careful of Error. Ink felt better, and, more importantly, he felt validated and important.

[asterjaxx]

i'm scared to think she's sick of me

[mcsm-r0ckz]

Why do adults insist on attack minors.

[constellarcreator]

Sorry for using Tumblr as a diary but I need to get this out before I have a mental breakdown at work soooooo

Apparently the "fuck it we ball" life mantra does not always work. For the past several weeks the people I live with have got onto me about seemingly not caring about anything and it's affected my rational decision making and the way they perceive me to the point where they feel like I don't care about their needs or feelings as well as my own. And they're right!!!! But the thing is the more I try to care and actually feel the full range of human emotions and take initiative and action the more I want to rip my own throat out and die. Because my stupid stupid borderline brain doesn't simply think logically and feel emotions at a rational level so every remotely negative emotional reaction feels like I am being strangled to death. So my options are "repress everything at the expense of my IRLs" or "be honest about how I feel and be completely miserable all of the time" I'm choosing the latter route because it's arguably the better and morally sound choice I guess but. Oh oh The Misery 👍

[sword-and-nightingale]

I tried to do that thing where my mom mocks my tone whenever I get overly anxious or obnoxiously excited about something when she raised her voice bc her tv messed up, and suddenly I'm the bad guy for doing that. Like, no, I wasn't actually angry at you. I'm telling you directly that I'm not, and now, I actually am because you're accusing me of lying. Guess it's not funny when she's on the other side of it.

[still-got-no-idea]

i'mma say right now that if i have to show my ID and tie myself like that to anything, then i'm just gonna end up disappearing

i can't publicly show a name to me like this. i can't risk that

[astaryuu]

I wish I had art motivation

I have so many ideas

But it feels so pointless

[asterofthedeepforest]

Ugh I feel constantly tired and like I’m letting everyone down. I can’t keep my apartment clean, I can’t stop the cat from peeing everywhere, I can’t balance posting art on twitter and having safe art to post on here and art is the only reason anyone talks to me or even cares I exist

I’m just a huge fat fuckin disappointment