#at first i just thought it was tough bc i was starting at the edge of the filet

[theygender]

Drank a vitamin water today that made my tongue tingle almost as if it was carbonated for no discernable reason (I drink this flavor all the time so I know that's not normal. checked the expiration date and checked for holes in the bottle but everything looked fine?) and then for dinner I accidentally ate undercooked tilapia. Am I going to die

[seungmin4president]

It's currently 2:07 am and I just had to write this bc I can't get it out of my head 😭

You thought you had him. You really did. You had him cuffed to the bed and had the key on the dresser, but only Seungmin knows what he would do after you've teased him for too long; edging him, degrading him, humiliating him. At first it was fun, he wanted to see how far you'd go with this little "dom mommy" act but then, when you started calling him names that he calls you when you're begging for his cock he lost his fucking shit.

"come on baby, where's that tough act now?" Seungmin looks down at your trembling body, then at the broken handcuffs he somehow broke out of, now on the ground in two pieces. Now he's got you pinned down under him looking up at him with doe eyes as if you weren't just edging the hell out of him for 30 minutes. Yes I said 30 minutes.

"what was that you called me? A dumb mutt?" Seungmin inquiries, looking at you for a minute before getting up and walking to your dresser. You open your mouth to whine about how he just left you there but that was quickly stopped when Seungmin walls back over on the bed and blocks whatever you were about to say with a ball gag, receiving a weak whimper out of you in response.

Seungmin rolls his eyes at that and releases a deep chuckle, different from his voice you're used to hearing everyday. There's no way you're already fucked out, he barely even touched you. He can't believe this is the same person who was just calling him a bunch of humiliating names. How fucking pathetic.

"How about we play a game hm?" You look at him with a confused face, this isn't a good type of confusion either, you know that whenever Seungmin offers to play a game during sex means that the only one who will have fun playing the game is him, you on the other hand have to deal with whatever happens because why would you want to piss him off even more than you already did. You're looking forward to cum tonight but even begging on your knees for a while year wouldn't grant that wish.

Seungmin once again leaves the bed and goes into your closet, your mind starts to wander around thinking about the things he is about to do to you, you're both scared and excited by these not so innocent thoughts and squeeze your legs together to gain friction but it just isn't enough. But once again, your thoughts are all gone once you see Seungmin walk out of the closet with a big box that looks like it has never been open, it's also not familiar so you're wondering when he got it.

Once you get a glance at the picture on the box you see that its nothing other than a sex machine... Where did he even get this? You let out a loud whine when you realize that you're absolutely fucked, receiving a hard slap on your thighs from Seungmin in return.

"stop whining, you wanted this right? For me to use my dumb cock on you? But of course instead of my cock it's gonna be a dildo because whores like you don't deserve cocks like mine." Seungmin smirks before taking the machine out of the box and plugging it up by the bed and gasping dramatically and letting out a sarcastic laugh.

"silly me I almost forgot about the game. So basically the game is simple, I turn this thing on the highest setting and if you cum I won't touch you for the whole next month got it?"

A/n: I had so much fun with this omfg 🫣🫣 okay I'm going to sleep now lol

❗ please don't copy my work ❗

❗©️ seungmin4president ❗

[igncrxntripley]

their secret weapon pt. 4

request (anonymous): Just thinking it would be funny if secret weapon has an ex who's like 6'10 and they're on good terms, right person wrong time vibe yk? And he shows up to support her and they're like whomst???

tags: SFW, poly!judgement day, fem!reader, ex!brooks jensen, possessive TJD

A/N: i’m on a brooks jensen kick lately so he may not be 6′10 but forgive me...also i needed to put this out bc the inspiration is hitting me like a brick and i have ideas you just aren’t ready

mentions: @babybatlover​ @ripleyswhore​

Before The Judgement Day welcomed Y/N with open arms, she didn’t have many solid connections to the people she shared the ring with. Of course she had friends, but the industry sometimes made it difficult. That changed when she met Brooks, who had started training at the Performance Center not long after she did. He was someone she could confide in, someone she felt a connection with as more than a friend. Their relationship developed, but the two decided to split. They both still loved one another, but it wasn’t the right time. 

Y/N had to admit that ever since becoming the fifth member of The Judgement Day, she hadn’t thought about Brooks once. He hadn’t reached out to her since it was revealed that she was a new member, and it spoke volumes that she hadn’t thought about picking up the phone once to call him. Little did she know, he was in shock. And now that it had been a few weeks, Brooks thought he needed to saw something. 

The group was backstage at Monday Night Raw the five of them relaxing in their locker room before their appearance for later on in the show; Damian and Finn were stretching in one corner, Rhea was in another doing pull ups, and Y/N had her head in Dominik’s lap as they played video games together. For a crew who was so tough on the outside, they really were just five normal people. They all looked at the door when a knock came from the other side, and they were confused as they weren’t expecting anyone. Finn was the first to move, so when he opened the door he was shocked to see none other than Brooks. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” He asked the taller, larger man. “Last I checked we didn’t invite you.” Brooks rolled his eyes a little and tried to look behind Finn for Y/N, in which they made eye contact from her spot on the couch. “I need to talk to Y/N.” Brooks said confidently, Y/N already standing up even though Dominik tightened his grip on her waist. No one knew who Brooks was or what his connection to their girl was, so they were on edge once he said why he was there. “Sorry pal, she’s a little busy.” Finn said and began closing the door, but Y/N got up and stopped him. “Brooks…hi.” She said softly. 

To say the other four members in the room were shocked was an understatement. Not only were they surprised, but they were protective of Y/N and wanted to know who this was at the door. She turned to them and gently put her hand on Finn’s arm since he was the closest. “Give me a few minutes.” Y/N was going to go with Brooks regardless, but once her partners nodded in agreement and gave her the space she needed she closed the door and walked down the hallway with Brooks. 

Once they were alone the two embraced each other for the first time in a long time, and it felt good to Y/N to have someone there she knew cared about her. “God, baby. It’s so good to see you.” Brooks said into her shoulder as he squeezed her smaller body. She still smelled the same, of strawberries and flowers but now with a hint of cologne from each of her boys in the room. And her feminine aesthetic hadn’t changed in the slightest either, but he was still worried about the long term effects of being involved with The Judgement Day. “I’ve been worried about you.” 

Y/N pulled back to look at him with furrowed brows. “Worried?” She asked softly. “Brooks, I…I know you mean well but you don’t need to be worried. The four of them are amazing, and they’ve helped me so much.” Brooks put her down and gently held her arms. “You feel that way now, but they’re going to turn on you like they’ve turned on others in the past.” He warned her. “I just…I hate how people have treated you in the past and I don’t want it to happen again.” Y/N gave a soft sigh and looked up at her ex. “As if you wouldn’t be the first one I’d call if I needed help.” She teased softly, making him chuckle. “I promise you, I’m happy, And the four of them take amazing care of me.” Brooks just had to trust Y/N like he always had, so he nodded and pulled her into another hug. “I’m proud of you. And I’ll be watching you tonight front and center.” 

Y/N could feel herself buzzing with excitement when Brooks told her. She smiled at him and practically jumped up and down. “I think You’ll like the new stuff I’ve been working on. But I have to go get ready, so I’ll see you later?” Brooks nodded and gave her one last kiss on top of her head as a good luck before she ran back to the locker room. When she walked inside, she was met with four stares from four quite large individuals. 

“Care to explain?” Rhea asked first, her arms crossed over her chest and the look on her face making Y/N nervously play with her fingers. “He’s…he’s my ex. And we still have a really good relationship so he just wanted to talk.” She explained quickly. Damian shook his head a little and stepped closer. “Do you remember what we told you when you became a member of The Judgement Day, mi amor?” His words made Y/N shiver. Finn followed suit and stood in front of Y/N, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. “In order to be the very best you can be, you need to leave everything behind that was holding you back.” He reminded her softly. Y/N frowned and looked at the four of them again. “I-I know, but…but that’s not Brooks! He’s always supported me…” she said softly. 

Dom was the next one to speak. He shook his head and stayed where he was, running a stressed hand through his hair. “That’s what you think. But you need to trust us for all of this hard work to truly pay off.” She turned her head from her partners and tried to think about what they were saying, but she knew they were right. “Yeah, I guess.” She said softly. In the back of her mind, she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy to cut off Brooks. But she still had a match later in the night and she couldn’t think about anything other than that. 

Her partners all smiled in response, and this time Rhea was the one to step closer and wrap her arms around Y/N. “We promise this is the right thing to do, baby. You won’t regret it.” She said softly. Y/N nodded and leaned into Rhea’s touch. “Thank you all. I mean it.” Even though she still meant every word she said, she was still thinking about seeing Brooks in the crowd during her match tonight…and whether she should tell her four partners about that.

[sleepiexx]

My Hero

Carlos Oliveira x fem!Reader

Note: been dying to write for resident evil!! Especially Carlos bc he has a special place in my heart right next to Valeria Garza, here it is :))

Summary: Carlos saves a pretty FBI agent and can’t help but flirt with her

Warnings: mentions of drugging, mentions of serial murder, mentions of taxidermying people, descriptions of a wound and stitching it, lmk if I missed any

Word Count: 1561

He’d found her in the hallway of the police station, bulletproof FBI vest ripped through as though it were paper. He hadn’t even considered that she was alive until he realized that the sad little wheezing noise that had non-stop been plaguing his ears came from her mouth.

“Holy shit,” he whispered as her eyes shot open. She attempted to move but stopped short, groaning.

Carlos stilled for a second, gun aimed at the woman, trying to determine wether her groans were that of the inhuman creatures he’d been desperately trying to survive against but ultimately decided against that as a pained whimper passed her lips. He quickly shoved his gun into it’s holster and grabbed a med kit off the wall before running to her side.

“Hey, hey, hey, stop trying to move sweet thing. I’m Carlos and I’m gonna help you, okay?”

“Hurts,” she whined, tears free falling down her face.

“I know, I know. I’m going to fix you up, but first, I need to take this off. Think you can hold your breath for just one second and tough it out?” He asked, knowing that no matter the answer she gave, he was going to have to convince her to let him take off the vest and let him stitch her up. Her life depended on it.

“Yeah” she breathed, jaw clenched tight, “yeah, just do it fast.” She moved her hands away from where she was clutching claw mark-shaped open wounds ranging from rib to shoulder.

“Will do,” his hands made quick work of the velcro, shimmying the loosened vest over her head. Underneath was a bloodstained white button up blouse.

“Is it okay if i unbutton your shirt so I can reach the wound?” Once again, something he would have to convince her of if she said no but Carlos refused to make her feel any worse than she already did by taking away her decision and just stripping her with no warning.

In response, she nodded. She was handling the situation very well, Carlos assumed that might have something to do with the vest, or rather the letters on it, what it meant she was. He quickly undid the buttons on her blouse, carefully sliding it off, attempting to not expose her. Thankfully, her bra had been narrowly missed by the claws on the creature, edges just slightly tattered, so she wasn’t completely bare.

Digging through the med kit, Carlos pulled out disinfectant. “I’m going to-“

“Please just get it over with,” she strained.

“Gotcha, no more talking,”

A pang of guilt rushed over her, “‘m sorry,” she cried, wincing as Carlos cleaned the wounds with harsh disinfectant. “I’m so thankful for your help, this just hurts really bad.”

“Hey, no hard feelings. I wouldn’t be feeling particularly chummy either if I was just- stabbed? Cut? Clawed? Jesus what happened?”

She took a long sigh, “There was a creature here earlier, like the ones outside but less human, more monster. Slashed the shit outta me with it’s claws and then smashed through the window.” She explained, gesturing to the broken window to her side. Carlos made a mental note to check her hands and legs for glass shards later.

“Christ,” he let out an exasperated sigh, “were you here to help with the zombies?”

The girl shook her head, “I mean not technically, they would have sent someone other than me had anyone known. We thought it was just serial murders to begin with. Which partially, it was.”

Carlos shot her a curious look, “I’m about to start stitching, but keep talking. It’ll help keep your mind off the pain.”

She gave him a respectful nod. “The RPD chief of police, he was killing various women and then turning them into taxidermy for his own sick enjoyment.” She elaborated, face turned sour, “I’d been in his office to discuss my findings about the murders with him, I only put together that he was the one committing them when he gave me a glass of water. After a few sips, I got woozy and realized he’d drugged me. Before I could do anything to stop him, I crashed on the floor. When I came to, Irons was long gone.”

Her face felt unusually flush as waves of chills ran through her bloodstream, causing her to stop her story for a second and rub her face with the palm of her hand opposite the side that Carlos was fixing up.

She continued, voice wary, “I wandered the police station still drugged up, but conscious. I was looking for help, but I was met with flesh eating zombies. After fighting them off, I ran in here to get away. Little did I know there was some big fucked up creature in this hallway too.”

Carlos frowned at her story, “that sounds awful, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before, other than the whole zombie thing.” She laughed a humorless, dry laugh. Carlos smiled along, attention still on the claw marks which at this point were dripping quite a bit of blood.

Her chills and flush-ness morphed into a skull shattering headache. She felt weak, incredibly weak. Her body sank lower on the wall she was propped up against.

“What’s your name again?” She asked, speech slurred ever so slightly but not enough to cause immediate alarm in him.

“Carlos, what’s yours?”

“I- I don’t know, Carlos. But…but.. but I’m tired, so ’m g’nna take a nap, okay?”

Carlos’s head shot up, his eyes meeting hers which were fluttering closed. Panic reared its ugly head in Carlos’s gut.

“Hey, hey none of that. You gotta stay awake.” He lightly smacked her face a few times, making her squint them open at him. “Keep those puppy dog eyes on me, okay?”

She didn’t give a response but he took her still open eyes as an okay. He hastened his stitching pace, flicking his gaze between her face and collar bone. As he was about to make his last few stitches, he noticed her eyes beginning to close again.

“C’mon, puppy, eyes open. I only got a few more stitches to do. You can rest later.”

She blinked a few times, silently trying really hard to stay awake as exhaustion washed over her body.

He decided to continue talking to her throughout the final stitches so she could keep focused on staying awake.

“Gotta stay awake so you can tell me your name later. And I gotta keep you alive so you’ll go on a date with me after this, how’s that sound?”

“You’re asking me out as I bleed all over your hands?” She strained.

He smiled, happy to have gotten her talking again, and while it wasn’t his top priority at the moment, he was really hoping to get that date. “If it makes you feel any better, you look really sexy covered in blood.”

She giggled faintly, “keep sweet talking like that and maybe I will let you take me on a date.”

“Is that right? Well in that case, has anyone ever told you what beautiful eyes you have?”

She scoffed with a smile, “just you and your weird nicknames.”

“I think it’s fitting, puppy for the girl with those sweet little puppy dog eyes. Besides, it’s not like you’ve told me your name yet.”

She would have likely responded had she not been occupied by realizing he finished stitching her up. Carlos set the thread and needle back into the med kit, reaching for gauze and tape before turning to wrap the girl’s freshly-stitched wounds.

“I thought you were a zombie there for a second, I’m glad I found you. Just one more combat trained person to add to the team.”

“How many else are there?” An attempt to gage how much of a chance they had of getting out. She wasn’t opposed to the idea of a small team, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt having some extra help.

“Well there’s you, me, my friend Tyrell, and that S.T.A.R.S. lady.” He listed off.

“S.T.A.R.S.? So we do have a fighting chance. Jill Valentine or Rebecca Chambers?”

“Jill.”

She nodded in response.

They stayed in a comfortable silence the rest of the time it took Carlos to wrap the wound. The agent focused on her breathing, trying to get it back to normal.

“All done.” Carlos gently patted the gauze, smiling and helping her onto her feet. He re-buttoned her shirt and even helped her slip her vest back on.

She shot him a smile back, “(Y/N).”

He cocked his head in confusion, “huh?”

“You said I needed to stay awake so I could tell you my name, well you’ve successfully fixed me up. I’m (Y/N).”

His smiled returned tenfold, “pretty name for a pretty girl.”

She laughed, “How did I already know you were going to say something cheesy like that?”

“You’re FBI, you’re in my mind, picking my brain.” He replied, making her scoff. He smirked in return, “So.. you want to fulfill my other wish?”

“What’s that?”

“Let me take you on a date”

A different route from both of their joking tones, (Y/N) smiled, a real, genuine smile. “If we get out of here, you can take me on as many dates as you want. After all, you’re my hero.”

[perfectlyripeclementine]

Sorry if this is too personal for an ask, you seem to have developed a very mature and nurturing way of navigating past relationships... ofc this might just be from the outside looking in but still. In my experience and cultural background (monogamous, cishetero, conservative) -and despite outgrowing most of that education- I still struggle with grief when it comes to unresolved feelings for previous partners.

I understand that it's a very nuanced thing and it involves lots of factors for each particular person, in any case i thought I'd ask for your thoughts on this from your perspective and maybe some good literature to go along with it?

hi friend ❣️ i’ll start by saying, if you’re asking this question you might be feeling a bit tender, so i hope you’ve got some softness - that you’re receiving it from others, and that you give this to yourself. thank you for your trust.

read more bc this might be a long one.

there’s a lot of different things i’d like to say. i’ll start by saying the framework of polyamory really helped me here. the biggest lie of compulsory monogamy is that exclusivity means safety. monogamy sells you that the goal is to Date and then be Exclusive and then Marry and then you’ll be Safe. but marriage doesn’t mean safety: people divorce all the time; cheat on each other all the time; people stay in unhappy marriages (and relationships) all the time. i believe there is no such thing as safety in relationships - monog or otherwise. at the risk of being dramatic: in one way or the other, you will either lose them or you will die first. grief is not only a risk of love, it is a guarantee.

when i fall in love with someone i ask myself: is this person worth grieving? so far, the answer has never been no. but i walk in knowing i will either die first, or grieve them. it’s a bitter pill, but it gives me freedom, because it also means that the end of a relationship isn’t necessarily a failure. if i’ve learned, if i’ve grown, if the relationship gave me happiness, i consider it a success.

on that note, experience does help. i’ve had three or four Big Breakups(tm). and they don’t get easier, but now when i get my heart broken i know i can survive it. i may be in the Big Ouchies for a while but i won’t keel over and die. like a bad flu.

my work when i’m in the Big Ouchies is to not let my body deteriorate. i need to drink water especially if i’m crying; eat food even if i’m not hungry (that one’s tough for me); take myself out for walks even if the flowers aren’t out. if i can only eat butter pasta, so be it. if the only way i can sleep is taking melatonin, so be it. everything else, the processing, the learning, etc, can wait a second. when i’m in the Big Ouchies, i see what i can take off my plate. my priority for a few weeks is just to get through the searing heat of it. (two week statute of limitations on exclusively eating junk food tho. we do need vitamins and protein.)

the next step for me is to take what’s mine. i believe people when they say they love me, and when they say why; no take-backsies. whatever i learned from them is mine now. whatever confidence they gave me is mine now. i give myself credit for the things i loved about them: it’s a reflection of my values that i did. those are things i can cultivate in myself.

i do by myself or with friends the things i wanted to do together. i read that book we talked about. i go to that show i got us tickets for. i wear that sweater i got them. slowly, all these things become mine and stop being reminders that i lost them.

when i want to text them i text a friend a friend instead. ideally not to talk about them (although i do that too) but to make plans so i don’t isolate myself. it doesn’t fill the hole but it helps.

over time the missing gets softer around the edges. there’s one ex from years ago i think about every day. but it’s a soft kind of missing now. it kind of keeps me company. it’s proof i had a love worth having.

i don’t really have Breakup Literature but every time i’m in the Big Ouchies i reread Love Enough by Dionne Brand. I’ve talked about this book before. It soothes my heart each time.

When i’m in the dark pits of it I listen to Banks. When I have the energy to be angry or feel spiteful I listen to Dezi and Havaiah Mighty.

Sometimes the missing never leaves. That’s okay. I can still enjoy the sun on my skin and the taste of clear water.

[timechaser]

i let this thought go tonight and it will never see the light of the moon ever again so here goes every thought in my mind abt the poppy war trilogy. mind you, a lot of this is just nonsensical dabble and incoherent babbling bc i cant ever form coherent thoughts but whatever.

id pay big money and wage a thousand wars to go back in time and yank every material object out of my hand and out of my reach to ensure that i never even wondered abt the trilogy's existence. it's not that i regret reading them because they sucked--no, far from it. it's not that i led myself blind and didnt take the extra precautions to make sure that i was in the right mindset to read them. i knew what i was going into, what ch21 was withholding, i knew how graphic and how heavy they would be to read. i retreated to my room and poured a stupid amount of hours staring at a screen, at a bunch of words, and feeling such bizarre emotions.

that being said, i love runin. i love how bold she was and how persistent she was despite having her bones kicked inwards from quite literally every person she has let into her life. i love how she was a proper morally grey character, a heroine led astray and betrayed by her very own thoughts. i love her bc even though she was the anthropomorphic personification of a god, she was still human. at the end of the day, what killed her wasnt a higher being, it was the self. that part of her arc cemented her place in my top list of female book leads. i love rin because she was human through and through, all the sides of it, she was everything. reading her was a tough pill to swallow, but a necessary one because she is proof of how dangerous the mind can be to itself, to how dangerous humanity is to itself. and sometimes id wish i could reach into their world and pull her back to ground bc of her recklessness. i love and hate rin at the same time, never one more than the other.

i love kitay even more. never once have i faulted him, he knew what was best, a moral compass for readers really. especially after primarily reading from rin's violent and often irrational perspective, it was relieving to have a voice of reason. theres not much i can say abt him other than the fact that he is my favourite out of the trio, id see it through no matter what. yes i wish he'd said no to bonding himself to rin, to put himself on a compromise, but at the same time i'm glad that he did. kept rin grounded, gave her a sense of purpose other than vengeance, instilled her a sense of duty and obligation--to survive, not only for herself but for him as well. will always defend him no matter what, this boy is clean and he is faultless.

nezha nezha nezha. i tried for three books (and tdf) to like him, truly, but even after all those pages i still dont know how to feel about him. he was insufferable in the first book, honourable for most of the second, and downright pathetic in the third. but if i say that i hate nezha then id have to say that i hate rin as well. they were both children of war, born under humiliating circumstances and forced to take the wager of compromise, they share the same faults. its not fair of me to defend one and leave the other open, they forced the ugliness out of each other. they were tragic. i saw his betrayal from kilometres away, but anticipation did not make forgiveness easier. but i know what it feels like to be brought up as a pawn for ur own family's benefit, to be subjected to so much responsibility when you barely know the world and its wonders, feels like a push to the edge. i cant blame him for that.

in short, im devastated. ive had my tears ricochet on loop since i started the first book. i am but a hollow shell of the person i was before this book. it has altered my life (/hj) and i cant go a minute of my day without thinking abt it. it's incredibly tragic, it's flawed in its own ways but it is also three incredible pieces of literature. rfk did well, im glad i read it while at the same time hate myself for reading the entirety of the trilogy in the span of 36hrs. i dont think its once u can read almost immediately, u need to pace yourself. 5 golden stars from me nonetheless.

[soleilnomoon]

hello kaia !

this idea has been on my mind FOREVER and I finally had the guts to go ahead and type up a request.

you know that scene in wano when hiyori cuddles up with zoro ? this is where that idea stems from lol.

I’m looking for a zoro x female reader ANGST where their relationship has been developed for a long period of time and it’s evident feelings are there and they acknowledge that but there’s nothing official between them. but it’s a well known fact amongst the crew that these two are LOWKEY lovebirds and are basically a thing without the label. the reader also hates being vulnerable and finds it very difficult to express vulnerability. they really don’t cry, tend to hold things in, etc. zoro’s only ever seen her cry once before so, and I think he’d be the only crew member to see it too.

then when zoro starts getting close with hiyori, and the reader finds out, things go astray. there’s a lot of angst, heartbreak and turmoil. reader feels sort of betrayed and emotionally wounded that this is happening and zoro has conflicted feelings and doesn’t know what they mean which obviously makes things more frustrating and heart wrenching. reader is very angry at first (bc she’s a tough girl) but as her anger boils she becomes much more emotionally distraught, crying, etc. (idk if this makes sense but ya know lol). basically I think the reader finding out about them cuddling would be the breaking point. (like she’s been keeping it hidden quite well, but is very distant and neglectful to zoro bc of this, but then she finds out about the cuddling and very aggressively confronts him and it’s just a mess).

sorry this request is all over the place lmao. my brain skips around a lot. do with it what you will :3 tysm! <3

hiii, thank u for being patient, i love writing angsty fics so this was very much up my alley <3

1.4k words, fem reader (no pronouns), sfw - just a lot of angst, and comfort i guess; no real warnings, except zoro is bad at communicating we all know this.

a forgotten flower pressed carefully in a worn book, pages yellowed with time and use; ink smudged, the script barely legible to the average eye, the edges of each page frayed, crumbling with each time the book is opened. due to its fragility, it sits comfortably on one of the makeshift shelves in your room with other books similar in appearance. a breeze floats inside, thin curtains fluttering, a hint of warm sea salt tumbling in the wind, reminding you of simpler times where your mind didn’t betray you, when your heart was more sensible. 

a light-hearted conversation morphs into something entirely different, one marked by raised voices, a shattered teacup, the shards sharp enough that you cut the palm of your hand. the offer to help goes unheard — or, rather, is ignored. you’re very good at doing that, running from intense emotions, not properly listening to reason, completely ignoring his request for you to stay behind and finish talking. highly uncharacteristic on his part — he hates talking, hates difficult conversations, and finds your reluctance to hear him out bothersome.

you take your time cleaning the cut on your palm, the sting of the antiseptic makes you wince; it’s not deep enough to leave a scar, but not shallow enough to leave open. you wrap it carefully, fingers shaking, disrupting your concentration, his words replaying in your mind on a loop.

maybe you should hear him out, maybe you should go back and not let your insecurities cloud your judgment, maybe you should stop deluding yourself into thinking you have a place in his life. 

when you return to your room, he’s seated on the edge of your bed, head lifting when the door finally opens. he stays quiet as you lean against the door, eyes landing on him critically, the distance between you makes you wish you could go back in time. an impossible feat now, you know that, but it doesn’t stop you for wanting it to be possible.

the silence sits heavy on your chest, your thoughts bouncing around as you try to muster the strength to try this again. he pivots his body so that he’s facing you, although you’re looking away, at anything else — he has a way of pinning you with his looks. you don’t want that now. his mouth moves, but you don’t hear anything he says, your own heartbeat thundering loudly in your ears, taking you away unintentionally. when he calls your name out repeatedly, the dazed look fades from your eyes; you blink rapidly, the sting from holding back tears unbearable, but you try to hold it in for as long as you can.

crying means defeat — an extreme assertion, but it’s what you’ve known your whole life. it’s something he’s known too, although his aversion isn’t as great as yours. your stubbornness rivals luffy’s, which is what frustrates him the most. he’s not eloquent, nor does he possess the skill to articulate himself in a way that will make things make sense to you. still, you remain silent, your lids lowering as your eyes drift over to him. hands balled into fists behind your back, you try to ground yourself by digging your fingernails into the fleshy part of your palms. you don’t feel it though — you never do.

his story never changes, nor does he seem apologetic about a thing he’s done; it pisses you off, the anger bubbling underneath your skin, making your face hot. what you really want to do is throw things, you want to yell at him, you want him to take it back — to say that it was a joke made in poor taste. but you don’t, and his words remain resolute, each statement infiltrating your mind, adding to the rising paranoia that has you breathing shallowly.

perceptive as ever, he knows that your mind is attempting to trick you again, knows that you don’t completely understand his explanation, and knows that if he doesn’t rectify things, he might actually lose you. he can’t have that. not now, not after everything that’s happened.

getting off the bed, his legs carry him over to you quickly; he knows that with you he has to try a different approach, he has to think a little more about how he says things. it’s not because he’s achieved some sort of emotional maturity overnight, but because of the longevity of your relationship with him, he tries a little bit more. fingers hooked underneath your chin, tilting your head so that you can properly look at him, his mouth opens but the words get stuck. so he reconsiders, tries a different tactic, until he realizes that you’re still… out of it.

“hey,” he says gruffly, voice low but comforting, “where’d you go?” 

you understand what he’s asking, but you’re unsure of how to answer him. again you blink and try to center yourself. but each time you close your eyes, you see him with her and it ignites your anger all over again. with your hands planted firmly on his chest, you attempt to shove him, but the thing about zoro is that he’s equally as determined as you are. he stands firm and unmoving, eye narrowing, brows sloping downward as his confusion continues to rob him of cohesion.

“i don’t want to do this right now,” you manage to say, eyes stinging, so you blink in the hopes of chasing the tears away. “i don’t want to talk to you.” it isn’t true; you don’t want to go anywhere and you don’t want him to leave either; it’s a childish move that you don’t quite understand, but it confuses him. still, he doesn’t move.

“no, talk to me.” his words should comfort you, instead you keep seeing him in the shack, keep seeing his chest pressed against hiyori’s, keep seeing their limbs entangled with one another, and your imagination doesn’t let up as he attempts to bring you back from wherever your mind and anxiety has taken you.

but, it becomes too much. you’re not entirely unfeeling — on the contrary, you feel much too much all the time. it’s why all of this is so damn difficult. you roll your bottom lip in between your teeth, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, words failing you even now. you don’t want to seem like a petulant child, but your hopelessness for the situation makes it impossible to not act as such. if he wasn’t so used to your behavior, he’d be alarmed. 

because his frustration becomes much too great for him, his hand grasps your jaw, fingers pressing into your skin almost as if he needs to hold you in place there.

“it couldn’t be helped,” is all he says, “it was snowing.”

you understand, you know, you just don’t like it. hate it, actually. it’s easier to assume that his actions were due to an underlying desire on his part to get closer to hiyori. you know you jumped to conclusions, you understand that you’re not actually being understanding. his reason makes sense but it doesn’t make you feel better. and, because you body is a traitor, you suck in a bit of air before the tears start falling, vision blurring from the ferocity of your sobs. crying is always an awkward affair for him, but he hates to see you like this.

when he pulls you to him, wraps his arms around, you don’t bother fighting him; maybe because all you really wanted was for him to hold you, reaffirm the things he’s told you repeatedly, remind you that despite everything, he will always find his way back to you. 

what you don’t know is that despite finding it necessary to share warmth with her like that, he wished that it was you he was holding instead of her. it’s something he tries to convey when he wipes your tears, presses kisses down your jaw before dragging his lips to yours. and even though you want to keep being angry, you simmer down significantly, sighing into the kiss and holding onto him, as if you’re afraid he’ll disappear somehow. you’ve never needed anything remotely official to label your relationship — you don’t care about titles and correcting people; as long as what he feels for you matches your feelings, that’s all that matters. and while it may take a bit of convincing on his part, you eventually do forgive him, feeling a bit foolish for getting upset like that. 

but, in the end, he does promise to be considerate moving forward — or, as considerate as someone like him can be. it’s enough for you for now, you remind yourself, not wanting to think about a situation like this arising again in the future. you know that you can’t dictate how he lives his life, but you do appreciate his insistence on staying by your side, on making you feel a little less unstable and more present. 

[rinayeas]

im tired of this sickness called 'i dont know how to art very well but i still want to share my headcanons' so im overcoming it by,,, just sharing my headcanons via writing,,,,,

So yeah the demon brothers are too bishonen for me so here's a kinda monsterf*cker rendition of them. Im also a horror fan so i wanted to make em scary hee hee

Lucifer

At first sight, he has a crown of sorts, made from black glass, protruding from his head, where cherry red blood is always dripping, the wound never closing down

When you get a little closer though, you figure out that the sharp shards of glass have a slight round edge to the ends, it's his halo, he tells you one day, when he fell it broke in pieces and stuck to his head. He could've easily taken it out, but he decided against it, this was who he was now, and he wanted everyone to know. His brothers couldnt look at his face for weeks, too shaken up by the gory display on his head, but they got used to it over the years.

The most human looking out of his brothers, except for the wounds and scars of course. Silently wonders if his curse is to be permanently reminded of the creature he used to be, and the fact that he will never quite look like he belongs in the devildom.

His demon form is something else entirely, gone is the charming gentleman with salt and pepper hair and blood dripping down the side of his face, replaced by something much, much more incomprehensive

Think of a biblically accurate angel mixed w a lovecraftian monster, big and impressive and quite honestly, terrifying

Thought very long and hard abt how to incorporate the peacock aspects in his design but i didnt come up w anything besides his clothes lmaooo

I thought of a lot of renassaince depictions of lucifer, always the most beautiful angel, even as he falls, so i think it makes sense that he's the most human looking and tries to resemble a demon as much as he can, he Is in a position of power after all, he needs all the respect he can get.

Mammon

i KNOW mammon is supposed to be a crow, but his demon form resembles a dragon too much for me to think of him as anything else

Sharp, SHARP teeth, but next to Levi he looks like the nicest dog in the block

His ears are also sharp, almost everything about him is sharp (his nails are also sharp 😰 but he clips them dont worry 😚)

His sclera is yellow and his pupils are slit-like, he never really liked his eyes so he uses his tinted yellow sunglasses to kinda, play it off. Since they're tinted it looks like his sclera is just white hehe

Can't breathe fire but he does blow steam from his mouth, so, uh, careful if you get him too angry or too... excited?

These are just assorted headcanons but mammon has a lot of piercings, especially on his ears (they're pretty long so he has space to spare), i also see him having snake bites below his mouth he just looks really good with those

He has a smaller scar on his right eyebrow from the war, he does like the look though, makes him look 'tough' in his words

His hair is super fluffy though, no one knows how

He fits th dragon fursona (lol) bc dragons are stereotypically associated with gold, and idk i think hes just cool. I would have made him a bird boy but dragon mammon was calling to me

Leviathan

Has a lot of hidden surprises, at first sight he's just an incel with a serpent tail and even that is hidden from plain sight.

As he starts getting more comfortable around you you see him talk more and you notice stuff about his mouth. Namely, his forked tongue, his full set of extremely sharp, shark-like teeth, and, you know, the fact that he has at least fifty something in there

Due to this his mouth is wider and bigger so he's not very fond of smiling for pictures or just laughing in public in general :(

Has fins instead of ears but most of the time theyre covered up by his mullet. Also has gills

Has several scales/markings on his body that glow in the dark, this is based on some deep sea fish that need to have these type of things to survive on the depths! He has some on his forehead and thats another reason he has longer hair lol

Yeah his d*cks glow too im sorry

Cuter headcanon but he likes being in his room with no lights on bc of this, he's his own gamer lights

Also has slit pupils and blinks vertically. Actually thinks this one is cool because he freaks mammon out when he blinks

He can stay very, very still for a moment and then move extremely fast. He usually does this to scare you but also just does it in general

It's worse in the water. He is literally made to be in it, so just pray he never plays marco polo with you.

His tail is out 24/7 but he usually curls it up on his torso or his leg when he's out in public, has a lot of scales leading up to it along his back

His form is pretty high maintenance, his skin gets dry quickly and his tail sheds once a month and he has way more teeth he needs to wash and its not fair-

Spent a century in the sea so when he finally reunited with his brothers and finally saw what he looked like he just kinda freaked out about his appeareance and never got used to it, he feels like a monster.

General headcanon but levi is chubby and you can pry this one out of my cold dead hands

He's a gamer boy (tm) and a literal shut in and also he needs it to survive colder temperatures in water so yeah levi is chubby he told me himself

Satan

The least human looking brother, since he was born from Lucifer's pure hatred, he is the closest thing resembling a demon

He has black ram horns and a segmented, bone like tail out at all times.

His eyes resemble goat eyes and theyre bright green, very noticeable

HAS NO NOSE, he just has that upside down heart thing like a skull. Hes real life sans (jk)

The tips of his fingers are black, mammon teases him and asks him if he enjoyed erasing the board with his fingers lol

When he takes out his shirt, you can see his ribs, and not in a 'skinny' type of way, you can literally see his ribs like his torso is a damn xray, thankfully he becomes more corporeal as you go down so you dont see a lot of organs but its still freaky

Mammon is sharp but satan is boney AND sharp, he's scary ngl

Has satyr legs. Like straight up those goat like mfs with hooves and everything, not gonna lie he pulls them off.

He's scary which is so much more jarring when you realize that he's the more civilized brother next to his siblings

Asmodeus

When you see him the first time you think he's a human. But when you get closer you immediately figure out that something is wrong.

You dont know what it is though, he doesnt have bleeding wounds like Luci, or yellow eyes like Mammon, or shark teeth like Levi, so what's up?

As you start to interact with him more you notice certain things, like the way his whole body seems to tremble when it's getting late, or how he seems like a blur when he moves too quick, or how his height changes nearly everyday

Asmo shapeshifts, it's one of the reasons he's so popular, he's very confident in all of his forms and likes to experiment with them, but his favorite is the one he uses most often, the strawberry blonde with the dreamy eyes. The way he looked back at the heavenly realm

It isnt a perfect form though, none of them are, all of them are too perfect to resemble a human, think of the uncanny valley when you imagine them. Like a living doll or some kind of android, its popular in the devildom but you dont quite get it.

It does however take a lot from him, he NEEDS his beauty sleep at the end of the day, maintaning a form throught the whole day is exhausting

In reality, he's quite literally a shapeless mass. A pink blob that sometimes tries to shape itself into its old form, but never finishes materalizing. He can keep a basic human silhouette in this form but dont expect a lot of details except for his eyes, which are unchangeable.

If you get to see him in this state then consider yourself someone he trusts, not everyone is allowed to see behind all the glam and glitz

Beelzebub

Looks like a rotting corpse, a chunk of his cheek is missing so you can see his teeth and constantly has bugs surrounding him

Normally it's flies but once in a while he finds a maggot somewhere and you almost faint

Has lots of bandages covering his body because his skin is very prone to opening up

It doesn't hurt him or faze him but it heals very slowly and it is annoying, especially when he works out

He doesn't smell as bad as he looks though, it's mostly cosmetic.

His wings are always out, the other brothers have to go on demon form to use them (if they even have them lmao, levi is still salty about that)

One of his eyes is like a fly's eye. Its completely orange and segmented, idk if im explaining myself well but u get it

His hands are sticky, kinda like spiderman, he didnt know how to control them very well at the beggining but now he's a pro. His hand does stick to your hair exactly one (1) time and he feels terrible afterwards

Think of cronenberg's The Fly for his demon form, full body horror

Belphegor

cow boy 🙄

Youre not as taken aback when you meet him because he just looks like a furry, his lil nose, his cow ears, his tail.

Honestly looks more cute than scary but he doesnt need to look scary to be so

Is impossibly strong, so when he chokes you you put up little fight, you're literally helpless

The heavy eyebags, the sickly paleness of his skin, his dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes. No matter how much he sleeps, he still looks on the brink of fainting

Has a lot of memory problems, especially short term, so dont get offended if he forgets something you told him lol

Looks generally unkept but thats more on him than anything lol. He really does appreciate when someone forces him to take care of his appearence so, be on the lookout for that

His changes are more apparent on his demeanor rather than his physique, but no one really knows how much is just his sin taking over and how much are his regret and bitterness talking.

Also no, you cant milk him.

[oodlyenough]

last of us 1x08

I had fucked up dreams last night after watching this episode lmfao

Obviously this will talk about the content of the ep so general cw for attempted child sexual assault and uh cannibalism I guess

Overall, probably one of the best this season. Very faithfully adapted from the game, which is a neutral point, but I was impressed that for all I knew what was going to happen basically beat by beat I was still on edge.

Not sure if this is #unpopular or not but I found David MUCH creepier here (from a starting place of "very creepy already" in the game), and I also found his characterization overall to be better. I've never really been sure if in the game you're meant to ever trust him, but I never did, partly because Nolan North plays him with the slimiest voice imaginable, so him turning out to be a creep is kind of a no-shit moment.

Whereas I thought this David was much better at putting up a front, which in turn made him all the more terrifying. It was way too easy to imagine this David pre-apocalypse, teaching (UGHHH), ingratiating himself in the community, getting away with all of it because these kinds of men so often do. The slide "from teacher to preacher" god like of COURSE this mf would find a different way to gain power, control and access over people including/especially children... Ugh it was all 2 Real and that much more creepy.

I also though the way they dealt with the cannibalism was very good honestly. It would've been easy to purely justify it with "people are starving, and we're eating the dead" -- which is kind of what David says, but you can use the context clues to deduce that it's not just that they're eating their dead out of desperation, but that they are actively hunting people for food, he's keeping it a secret, it's, imo, clearly part of his sick power-tripping rather than necessity (as others pointed out, relatively inexperienced Ellie finds game very quickly and easily in one hunting trip lol).

I also thought the slight tension between David and James was interesting here -- obviously James is also a freak, lol, but their disagreement over how to handle Ellie and the general rift between them, as the episode goes on I think you do get the sense that even James is uncomfortable with this side of David and tried roundabout ways to talk him out of going after her or just about shot her in the head. (I keep wanting to joke that James is like "I can excuse cannibalism, but..." but frankly 1. one of these things IS worse than the other and also 2. in the end he still enables everything David does anyway! Bc of course he does. Isn't that how it always goes.)

This was definitely the big showcase for Ellie and for Bella Ramsey. (Watching people whine and cry about it, "two episodes of mostly Ellie wahhhhh" lmaooo shes the main character of the franchise losers, deal with it.) Ramsey was very good. Everyone's saying it but yes the primal screaming in that restaurant scene, ugh, chilling and excellent.

I did find the very first scene between Ellie, James and David had me wincing, like Ellie's tough guy voice was just so bad and felt like a kid play-acting ... but then I suppose that was probably the exact intent, that Ellie was trying to be threatening but wasn't capable of actually BEING threatening in that moment. There's a huge difference between that fake bravado and her (entirely justified) rage and violence later in the episode.

Joel was very Joel in this. I don't have much to say about him lol, it was nice to see Pedro's Joel go a bit unhinged, something we've heard tell of in various episodes but only seen scraps of before. "It's all right, I believe him" is such a memorable bit of the game and it just as chilling here.

Ok time for some criticisms:

They leaned HARD into the pedophile angle for David here. That was always in the game, but it was fairly subtextual, with more emphasis on the cannibalism. Here it was the reverse. Although disturbing, I generally didn't mind -- but I did feel the final scene, and specifically his dialogue in it, about "liking the fight" was just too Ick for me. Very HBO. I felt we didn't need it to know what he was going to do. (Then again audiences do miss the obvious all the time...)

I didn't really miss the infected fight in this episode. I saw people say that you need it to build a false sense of trust between David and Ellie but like... lmao idk I never trusted that guy for a single second. BUT I will say I *do* wish we saw more infected in the series overall. I know it's not about the zombies~ but they are still, uh, the reason all of this is going on, fundamentally. They're what makes rebuilding a functioning large-scale society near impossible, because it falters so easily with a simple misstep leading to infection and outbreak.

The ending felt a bit rushed. The Joel-Ellie reunion didn't hit me as hard as I wanted, although it seems to have resonated with the show fans. It's not an issue (for me) of him pulling her off David, or not -- I like the way it played out -- it's just... I dunno. Something about the way it ended on the two of them wandering off together, maybe? Maybe I liked the game's cut to black with her sobbing in his arms more?

I also felt that because they spent more time with David's community, there was a real glaring absence of them in the climax. These people have been under David's thumb for who knows how long, presumably with James + co as his enforcers. Now they're free but directionless. What comes next? Obviously, the show can't explore all of that, but questions like "why hasn't anyone tried to stop Joel in town" "why didn't anyone notice the fire" "where are other guards" etc... I think we could've used another scene with Hannah and her mom (who totally looks just like Mel from TLOU2, lmao).

AND the biggest one of all...

Feeling pretty :/ about the "violent heart" speech to Ellie. From David's POV, it makes total sense for him to say those things. He's trying to manipulate and groom her. I completely buy the dialogue, from him.

But I was left wondering if I the viewer was meant to agree, concluded that I am probably supposed to agree, and also that I ... don't. This has been a recurring criticism from me of the show's portrayal of Ellie. I've mostly tried to make my peace with it by acknowledging Show Ellie and Game Ellie are different characters evolving slightly differently and living slightly different lives yadda yadda... But I dunno. I guess I won't be able to say how I feel about it until I see s2 and s3 anyway lmao.

[darbyallinsskateboard]

Nepotism? Who’s She?

Reupload bc I don’t think anyone seen the update

(Pt7/?)

Various Wrestler (WWE, AEW) X Reader (Events will be altered or made up)  

Summary: In which reader is the daughter of the great Edge, but everywhere she goes her achievements are undermined because of her father being the rated r superstar.

 The car ride back to the hotel was quiet, your aunty was sat next to you , Nick to the right of you and Kenny and Matt were in the driver and passenger seats, you awkwardly shifted in your seat, an uneasy feeling in your stomach, your aunt looks over at you and sighs “Please, just talk to us, what the hell was that about?” you shake your head “Well...Roman wasn’t too happy about me leaving smackdown, because we had a storyline going on, the first time he confronted me about it was when we were filming in the same city as WWE, he somehow found my room and invited himself in...he tried to...hurt me but Darby intervened” your aunt nods and Nick shoots you a confused look “What were you doing with Darby?” he questions “That’s unimportant right now” said your aunt and you nodded “We’ll talk later”

“I mean I thought after that Roman would have been done taunting me, that he would have left me alone by now” you explain and the people in the car with you all nod along, before falling into a tense silence, the car pulled into the hotel parking lot and you hurry out, grabbing your aunty by her arm and rushing up to your room “How am I meant to explain to Nick, who I just fucked, that I’m seeing Darby?!” “Hey you got yourself into this mess!” “I need your help! hell even dad’s help” your aunt took her phone out and dialed a number “Calling him now” “wait I wasn’t seri-” before you could say anything the phone answers “Yes?” “Your daughter needs to talk to you” you groan and snatch the phone from her, explaining the situation to your dad.

“You sound exactly like me when I was your age!” he laughed into the phone and you groaned “I just think you tell the both of them you’re not ready for this kind of relationship, unless you are then that's another question” “Thanks dad, I’ll talk to uncle Christian about it” “Alright kid, by the way, when do you fight?” “I’ve got a promo on Rampage” “I’ll be watching” you agree and say your goodbyes, hanging up and handing the phone back to your aunt “I think I’ll just tell them I’m not in the market for a relationship yet and continue with my job” your aunt nods, suddenly your own phone is ringing and you grab it from your pocket, seeing it was a new number you’ve never seen, you answer and are pleasantly surprised to hear Tony Khan “Is this Y/N” “yes? how’d you get my number” “from a friend, but I have a question” “shoot” “Is your aunt looking for a gig?” I look at her then confirm that she is “I want to offer her a contract!” “really?” “Yes, if you can, bring her to my office tomorrow before the show” “yes sir” I hang up and smile widely at her.

The crowd roars as I step out into the ring, microphone in hand “Hello AEW Galaxy!” they get louder and I smile “I just wanted to come out here today to thank you guys for welcoming me to AEW! I felt a lot of pressure transitioning from the WWE bu-” I’m cut off by the outcasts music, I groan and look towards the ramp, Toni, Ruby and Saraya came out, I panic as they come down to the ring and all slide in, shoving me over and all kicking and punching me, that is until another theme starts up and the crowd goes wild once again, my aunty runs out and fends the outcasts off one by one, when they hobble out from the ring she comes to check on me, we can hear the announcers shocked voices

“This is an indie wrestler Torah-mone! she’s huge in the wrestling world and she’s here at AEW!” you smile at her and she smiles back widely

I’m in the back icing my leg, a particularly hard kick already had a bruise blossoming on my thigh “That looks painful” I hear a voice and I look up to see Chuck Taylor, I smile at him and laugh “I’m a tough one” “Yeah, I mean your dad and aunt sure are so you’re obviously not a weak one” I nod and look back down to my wound when I hear more footsteps then look back up to see more people had joined Chuck, The Best Friends! I stare and seem to catch Orange Cassidy’s gaze as he walks over to me, shades on and hands in his pockets “Those girls must not really like you” this is the first time he directly addressed me and I was shocked “They were obviously being stiff on purpose, or this wouldn’t have happened” His hand lightly brushes my thigh around the bruise mark and I can’t help the blush that rises to my face.

“Come with me, I’ve uh got some bruise cream that should help” I smile at him and slip off of the box, joining him as we walk away from his friends “You know i’ve never heard you talk before” “I don’t like talking much” you nod as you both silently make your way to his locker room, it was a comfortable silence, he gets to the room and opens it up, letting you step in and you slip past him “It’s nice and tidy in here” “yeah” he passes by you and grabs the cream “Go sit down, I’ll help apply it” you nod and sit down, he kneels beside you and squirts some of the cream onto his hands, carefully caressing the cream over your tender skin.

You wince and he holds his other hand out in front of you “here, squeeze my hand, this’ll hurt a bit” you nod and grab his hand, he presses a bit deeper with his hand while still caressing your thigh and you groan, squeezing his hand “Just like that” you blush at the words and he peaks up at you “I’m done, you can get up” you nod and stand up, wincing “You can stay here if you want” “Thanks”

You step out of Cassidy’s room and walk down the hall to catering, immediately spotting your aunty talking to a tall built man with fluffy brown hair “Hey!” you say and walk over “Hey bug! Hook this is my niece!” she exclaims and Hook looks down at you, reaching his hand out for you to shake, you shake it “Firm grip” you comment and he nods “I was just talking to your aunty and seems like we have a lot in common, I guess it’s you I got to thank for bringing this angel to me” he says to you and you laugh “hmm, you’re welcome?” you say and your aunt looks embarrassed “Okay! that’s enough of that! how is your leg bug?” you aunt asks and you shrug “Feels better, Orange Cassidy gave me this really nice numbing cream” “That chivalrous of him” she laughs and you nod.

Your eyes search the room and land on a certain table, the young bucks are talking to Darby Allin and Sting, you gulp and look away but a certain man had already spotted you “hey Torah!” Darby shouts out and you internally groan and walk over “Hey!” Nick is looking at you two weirdly “Come sit with us!”

A/N that episode took so long to get out but I’m back bay bay!

[frecklystars]

Omg your newest art is so cute, I live to see these interactions between the various Ryan characters! Do you have any headcanons/thoughts about how they’d interact with each other that you feel like sharing? Like who instantly click? Did any start off confused or exasperated by the other at first but then unexpectedly bond hardcore over time? There’s such a range of characters that it’s fascinating to me to think about! 🐢

TURTLE ANON HIIIII :D I was just thinking about u the other day I hope you're doing well!!! <3 !!!!

AHHH AND THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for enjoying my art!!!!!!!! Goodness that means everything to me ahhh I appreciate youuuu 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Ever since I've decided all of Ryan's characters spend time in one big room in BarbieLand I've been having sooo much fun daydreaming about it everyday sdflkjsldkff I love thinking about all kinds of shenanigans ensuing!!

I AM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED 👀 OKAY SO at least in my head, I like thinking about Ken being "the leader" of everyone since he's the first Ryan F/O I've ever had (and he's the favorite)! I think about all of Ryan's characters (the ones on my F/O list anyway) being in a big, open room in the Mojo Dojo Casa House, except Ken calls this place the "Mojo Dojo Casa Keri Ken Dreamhouse" and yes he WILL repeat that phrase every time someone asks in a baffled tone "the what?" and most of the time, it's the characters chilling out, waiting for me to come back from whatever other dimension. Or just chilling because their dimensions (aka movies) are STRESSFUL to be in... I can imagine Luke is constantly visiting BarbieLand like "hey i'm gonna wait for Keri to come home so let me just chill here and crack open a beer with you" and Ken is like RIGHT ON, MY DUDE, I HAVE FIFTEEN MINI-FRIDGES FULL OF BREWSKIS WITH YOUR NAME ON 'EM BRO. I think most Ryan characters would consider Ken fairly strange and unusual, even aside from the whole "this is a human-sized talking doll made out of plastic and he never seems to be wearing a shirt", he's just so talkative and energetic all the time. but they grow to like him very very much because he's such a fun sweetie-pie, and honestly most of these characters have been through soooo much... interacting with Ken would probably be like a breath of fresh air for most of them, once they get to know him and adjust to his energy levels haha

I think, since Ken is the "leader", he makes it his ultimate MISSION to make sure all the "other Kens" get along with each other, and any time there's a "new guy" (like I'm gonna watch another movie and get a new Ryan F/O) he's like "you wanna date MY sweet girl?? you gotta promise you're gonna love Keri and keep her safe no matter WHAT!!! we are an ARMY of KENS and we FIGHT for our sweet girl!!" and he acts all tough and imposing but really he is just an excited golden retriever and he's so happy to be making new friends. I AM GONNA RAMBLE HOLD ON--

Who would instantly click? OOH, okay, Ken and Colt, for sure. They've got the same exact energy. "Your Kenergy is nuclear, bro" and Colt has no idea what that means but he is not questioning it, he's like, aw hell yeah thanks dude. These two are constantly high-fiving and fist-bumping or whatever else. Not to mention his name is literally Colt, you KNOW Ken would go crazy go stupid about his name meaning "a young horse under the age of four years old". He'd say something about that. Excitedly. While showing off all of his horse stuff in the Mojo Dojo Casa Keri Ken Dreamhouse. Colt's slightly confused and a little surprised by all of the horse stuff but he's just happy to be here, man.

I think Driver and Six would get along too -- not at first, though, they'd definitely be weary of each other for sure, at least in my opinion. I think they're both trained to be instantly weary of others, esp when they're protective for someone they care for, so for the first few meetings at the Dreamhouse they are just staring at each other and kind of being on edge bc they both Like Keri Very Much and they're internally like "I sense this guy is dangerous, is he potentially a threat?" Six is able to keep that part of himself, that violence, a bit more hidden since he's trained to; he makes a joke out of everything, he's leaning back on the couch in a faux relaxed position, yet still ready to defend if necessary, meanwhile Driver is deadly silent and that sleeping predator inside of him keeps one eye open, his body tense. Six is more of a relaxed kind of protective, this is his job and it's all he's known for two decades now ("just another Thursday") while Driver is a more violent, unhinged kind of protective, like he only attacks when he's a scared, cornered animal, but his heart is still in the right place. But I think once they get past that initial distrust/discomfort they'd have a mutual respect for each other. Adding my own self ships with them into the mix, I think they'd bond over protecting me and self assigning themselves as my own personal bodyguards hehe. Six insists Driver's gotta get himself a weapon if he's gonna be involving himself with criminals all the time and Driver's like "I don't carry a weapon. I drive." y'know all broody haha

Hmm who else who else. Lars!!! Lars would love Ken. Love his dollness. He'd find Ken comforting to be around, I think, and he'd enjoy all of the pink. Lars would be one of the only people who doesn't immediately find Ken strange. A talking doll, sure that sounds nice. A talking doll who Keri loves and trusts and finds comfort in, yeah that sounds lovely, he finds him lovely. Ken's plastic, Ken's not a warm flesh and blood person (or maybe in BarbieLand he feels like one, since it's all in your imagination? like how at the beach you can hear the waves and feel the water even though it isn't real? how you can taste the food in BarbieLand even if it's plastic? eh who knows)... regardless, I think he wouldn't find Ken as overstimulating as "real" people are, wouldn't flinch at his touch quite as much, though Ken would have to remind himself quite often that he needs to not be as touchy with Lars. Maybe the sights of BarbieLand would be a little too bright and flashy sometimes, maybe the crowds of people would feel overwhelming, so he'd just stay in the Dreamhouse and sit on the couch and read a book with Ken sitting beside him and offering plastic snacks.

Here's some other stuff I like to think about

Jacob and Six would joke around with each other a little bit, Holland too! Holland and Jacob can share a drink at the bar together! I haven't watched The Nice Guys yet but he seems very easygoing and funny from the gifsets I have seen :D

Jacob would try to get Ken to wear literally anything else. "This outfit is way too neon, bro, you wanna impress your girl looking like that when you go on your rollerblading dates? And what the hell is THIS outfit, what kind of -- you trying to be like Sylvester Stallone? It isn't happening. You've got great abs, I'll tell you that much, but you can't keep your shirts open all the time. Only keep 3 buttons opened, it's enough to tease, makes people wonder how many drinks it'll take to get under that shirt." Ken's like "wuhhh..." I think I talked about this with you in a previous ask where Jacob would try to get Driver to wear different clothes because that dude wears the same thing every single day. Sebastian, too, he's always telling him he needs to add more pizzazz to his plain shirts. Add a nice jacket or spiffy up the trousers a little. Seb's having none of it.

I think Luke and Julian would have a hard time getting along with others bc they seem to be the most violent. Maybe Driver would be Julian's favorite because Driver doesn't ask questions and Julian returns the courtesy. They're both violent and silent and uhh I have NOT watched Only God Forgives yet but I hear that is a gorefest also directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and Julian's only got 17 lines. Maybe they'd bond over that, even if wordlessly so? who knows haha. Luke is a more... impulsive kind of violent guy, maybe he'd have some kind of respect for Julian or something. or not. I need to watch the movie omg

Luke, Holland, and Dean can all take smoke breaks together. I feel like another character smokes a lot but I can't remember him at the top of my head...

Ken would think Luke's tattoos are So Cool. Six, too. I find the mental image quite funny: Driver, Six, Dean, and Luke all comparing their tattoos and finding out "hey, I have a barcode tattoo exactly like that on my left wrist!"

I think any character who is normally reserved/stoic would open up a little bit over time because they're around all of these other characters so often, especially Ken, who just radiates good vibes all the time and it rubs off on the others. Like for example I think Ken would ask Sebastian to play a song on his keyboard and Ken would dance to it, purposefully getting the rhythm wrong, trying to make Sebastian laugh -- it doesn't work... until Driver, who has been standing next to Ken and being silent and unmoving, suddenly breaks into this big dance number with him, and Sebastian loses his shit because he's not used to seeing Driver act like that. and Driver quickly stops dancing and acts as if it didn't happen. and when Seb asks him to do that move again he shrugs and says he has no idea what Seb's talking about. Seb tells the others what happened and nobody believes him.

Or another example I think about ALL the time is that maybe a group of characters are sitting around talking, someone says something funny, and Driver just... starts laughing. Like really, really laughing. And everyone freezes and stares at him because they're not used to that. And then they all try to make him laugh more bc it's such a nice sight.

INCREDIBLY self indulgent but this is my self shipping blog so I might as well be self indulgent LOL: Jacob taking pictures with his polaroid camera (I often give my main F/Os gifts bc I love associating them with my own things irl, and for Jacob instead of giving him an accessory/trinket like I give to most F/Os, I give him a camera -- what else can you gift to the man who owns everything?) and he's showing off photos to the others. "LOOK at this picture I took of Keri yesterday, she looks so cute eating her ice cream" and Ken's like "OGOOHGHGH MY SWEET GIRL WUHWUWGHUWHUUWH" and Driver is smiling without saying a word and the others are like "aw, that's so nice, she looks happy" meanwhile Ken is... like... exploding SDLFJSDLFKHSDKF

Luke swears so often I think it would make some characters uncomfortable, namely Lars and Ken. Lars would tend to distance himself from everyone naturally however so I don't think he'd interact with Luke too often anyways? Luke and Dean might get along a bit, they have the same chill vibe and they've stolen money before

Colt would be lowkey jealous that Ken doesn't have to work out to have great abs. He just has plastic abs forever. Colt and Six probably have the biggest tits muscles out of everybody and they're like "whoa bro... sick pecs... what's your workout routine??"

Colt would mention he's a stunt guy for movies and Ken would be like "oh so is Driver!!!" and Colt's like "oh that's so cool man" and maybe they'd bond over that a little bit too!

Dean and Driver would probably get along fine, but for my own self shipping scenarios they uh. have a little bit of beef with each other because one time Driver saw Dean put his jacket around my shoulders and Driver was like "...why is MY GIRL wearing ANOTHER MAN'S JACKET??? 😤😤😤" then he angrily messes with his Rubik's cube for half an hour, just sitting there fuming while Ken is like "haha wow Driver you look REALLY mad :) do you wanna talk about that"

Colt would get along with others easily I think BUT again just for my own self shipping universe + the fact that they all bond over being my F/Os when I think about this stuff, I think. everyone. would be so... idk. not wary of Colt but they wouldn't immediately welcome him either. Ken would definitely get along with him later but just for my own daydreams, at first Ken's like "my god I cannot compete with this guy. his muscles are insane. he's a stunt guy. he's funny. he's insanely skilled. I bet HE can shred waves without any problems. oh, no... he looks like Ryan Gosling" to which somebody else says "dude. we ALL look like Ryan Gosling" and Ken's like "OKAY BUT??? HE LOOKS LIKE A MUCH HOTTER VERSION OF MYSELF AND I CANNOT COMPETE WITH THAT???"

I am wracking my brain trying to think of how Officer K would be with everyone. He's quiet and reserved too. I think he'd be the most level-headed. Often putting his hand on Ken's shoulder when Ken is panicking over something minimal and saying "have patience, Keri will return home soon" or something. or maybe I have a nightmare and Driver's worried and not quite himself bc he's worried I had nightmares about him. so K's also saying in a quiet, level tone "all is well, she loves you, it's going to be all right" stuff like that. I think Lars would like sitting next to K because K isn't intimidating, he's got a very reserved sort of gentleness about him. Maybe Lars can sense that ache within him too, that isolated loneliness.

Everybody eating breakfast together, for the sake of the scenario let's pretend the food is real and not plastic -- Six absolutely housing everything in front of him because it's rare that he's able to eat without somebody threatening to stab him in the back. Six being relaxed in this place just in general, surrounded by friends and, y'know, not being hunted for sport. Officer K loving to eat literally anything given to him because he's spent his whole life eating bland noodles or whatever was made from those protein worm things. He eats a cheese sandwich and thinks it's the best meal of his entire life and he wants 15 more please. Also Colt reminding everyone "you need!!!! CARBS!!!!!" 🥪

I think it would take a while for Officer K to feel like he's "allowed" to enjoy any of this. The others would gently yet constantly coax him to do things he wouldn't feel like he's "allowed" to do. Eat good food and eat as much as he wants, watch a TV show/movie, actually sit back and relax on the couch while talking to others and not be so tense. Make eye contact without fear.

I would honestly love to hear YOUR thoughts on their interactions!!!! I haven't seen all of Ryan's movies yet, just a handful, so I don't have a whole lot of variety of his characters personalities and how they'd mesh/clash in my head quite yet. I'd love to hear what you can come up with :3c

Off topic, I think we super briefly talked about it, I think you're the one who recommended The Nice Guys to me awhile back -- I am finally watching it next month!!! WOO!!! WOO!!!! WOOHOOOOO I'm also gonna be watching The Ides of March next month. Stephen is so damn pretty omg I cannot wait to stare at him for an hour and a half

Btw did you ever happen to watch Drive? I think you said you wanted to but hesitated to since it's a gory film -- if you want, I have timestamps on ALL of the gore moments and I can give you a heads up on what happens, where it happens and when to expect it! I am the most squeamish person alive and there are a few moments I can handle and a few where I definitely have to look away. I have watched Drive almost every single week for the last... um... since September. So I've got those content warnings DOWN!! But if you aren't the person who told me that, uh don't worry about it SDLFJSDF but yeah let me know if you watch/have watched Drive because I'd love to hear your thoughts on that too :D !!!!!

[willowser]

willow!!! what are your thoughts on shouto?

oh shouto, my beloved 🥺 i love him !! i think — when i was getting into bnha fic, he was who i really clung to and searched for, because i did not like bakugou at first LOL and deku is cute but shouto was an ✨️edge lord✨️ so i really took to him first.

but he's honestly a character i'm nervous about getting just right because, the kinda clueless thing is very chef's kiss to me and i adore the potential that gives him as a romantic interest — but i don't think i have a good idea on how to write him emotionally ??? i like to write a lot of inner turmoil and i just, hmm, have a hard time getting in his head with that, i think. and i don't want to simplify him too much ! so i have yet to post anything for him bc he is an enigma to me 🤔✨️

you know, actually i think maybe the third fic i ever started for here was a shouto exes-to-lovers christmas fic ! where the holidays are a little tough because your life is so entangled with your ex-husband's and his family. and he's not necessarily trying to talk you back into giving him a second chance, but he's very my mom would love to see you at dinner :) there are presents for you at our house if you want to come :) if you're not busy :) you could just stay christmas eve :) he's so cute what the hell ajfbeuwha and i have a decent-sized nun!reader x vampire!shouto fic that i will probably give more attention to after all my priority fics are done, in the future, because i'm actually very excited about it !! gonna be a little ✨️spicy✨️

my favorite trope with him is exes-to-lovers, actually, because i've always played around with this idea of the two of you meeting in high-school or something, maybe early-early in his hero career, and everything goes really well ! and shouto thinks his life is good and just fine ! and then someone — evil stinky endeavor probably, idk LOL — is kind of like. how are you having a relationship while being a hero. how are you managing that. and he kind of starts to see some faults in everything and so he gets kind of talked into some grand conclusion that maybe he just shouldn't date right now. later, with you for sure, but — right now is just not a good time.

and imagine your well and good boyfriend saying, "hey darling dearest, let's put this all on hold right now and meet up again in say, 6-7 years? sound good? :)" i'd probably slap him silly LOL

not but more seriously, basically it would take him losing you to realize actually how much he enjoys having you in his life and it would take a great deal of work for him to rebuild what he destroys in the blink of an eye and i think it's really endearing to imagine him being very unsure of what he's doing and trying to win you back anyway <3 i'll write it more coherent some day LOL

i need to work on my characterization of him more before i feel comfortable writing him but !! i plan to — eventually LOL okay this is a secret don't tell anyone but i really want to write android shouto hello ??? HELLO ??? his father's masterpiece, feels things for you he's not been programmed to; real or not ? neither of you know, and neither of you really want to find out !! HELLO ??? okay i'm done.

he was my first bnha crush !! but then i unfortunately got the hots for his deranged murderous older brother and strayed from the path 😞��🏼 rip

[wurdulac]

💋🗣️🛡️

💋: favourite romance?

DAERAN and Wenduag =) Daeran was the first romance i picked (and with little hesitation and no second thoughts about trying a different one). I liked his temperament and playful nature of the romance, I also enjoyed the little dynamic they had... (especially with my trickster shithead commander). Ended up caring about Daeran. Funny, sad and tragic is an absolutely irresistible combo for me.

Wenduag... i was extremely excited about this one. on my first pt i didnt pick her but not because i didnt want to, i just decided for lann bcs he's the good guy (even tho i couldn't stand him then. sorry lann). but was drawn to wendu since the very start. and her romance is very good... whole goddamn arc is compelling. sometimes it gets kinda ehhh and feels a bit hamfisted? but still it's one of the best in the game tbh. and it's just really cute that both tam and wenduag were rough and tough sickos who were vulnerable and cute together in the end.

🗣: oc’s temperament

sam: they’re laid back and confident... very sexy like that. she’s funny but not in a goofy way. a bit of an insensitive jerk with an ego as well. they look like a fun person but there’s surprising roughness to her too, she was after all a knife master and a mugger.

tam: she’s disciplined but there’s an edge to her, she’s tense like she’s about to erupt in anger any moment. rather quiet and doesn’t talk too much. not affectionate. she doesn’t show much pain or strong emotions. gets enraged only in battles... she rarely even raises her voice outside of combat. humorless too.

samael: has vibes of an aloof scholar that lived as a hermit not that long ago. doesn’t care much about anyone and usually is pretty rude. withdrawn  emotionally and often lost in thought, looks at situations from a detached perspective, seeing symbols in them and not focusing on people. has a sense of humor... can be a little cruel... like a smug cat.

yarrow: she’s like. a former shrinking violet that started working with people as their physician which made her develop some backbone. learned some people skills and had to make people listen to her somehow. so she’s still a little insecure and terribly, terribly sad but also speaks her mind openly. she has gentle manners and kind heart but makes her opinions known. not very diplomatic. plucky heroine... there’s deep sadness to her but she’s also very passionate about being a scholar and a chirurgeon and is very curious about learning new things. always has way too many projects going on and too much on her plate (on top of her work she also assumes the role of the mom friend for others) and usually gets overwhelmed.

sandro: hrrrMmm he’s a work in progress still. an aristocrat who was a bit of an enfant terrible in the family... rebelled a lot against them in his early youth and now tries to project an image of a progressive reformist. i think he seems very. high society but with something dark going on.

🛡: favourite build, or party setup?

demon tam: wenduag, daeran, woljif, nenio and a guest spot for either arueshalae or greybor.

samael: their two clones, the wolf and finnean :). before swarmification it was Camcam, Lann... i think Greybor... honestly i don’t remember now. early it was also Ember but later Nenio bcs she was a better fit (she’s such a ride or die).

sam didn’t have a set squad.

1st tam (aeon to gold dragon): iirc it was Lann, Woljif, Ember, Regill and... uh... Daeran sometimes?

with Yarrow i plan to take Sosiel and Seelah, Woljif and ehrm i don’t know yet

[whoreadsnowadays]

Also just bc I wanna know. If little brother does die, what would the relationship between cam and the turtles in the spraypaint angst timeline be like🤔🤔🤔 I'm pretty curious ngl

OOOH BOY-

Honestly if lil bro died Cam would shut down entirely. They'd try and distance themselves from the turtles as much as possible, feeling too guilty and distraught to even think about seeing any of them. He doesn't distance himself without a note though, a long handwritten note about how sorry he was for everything that happened, and how it was his idea to bring lil bro to the surface not Casey, so please don't be mad at him as much as you're mad at them. And theyd explain that they're distancing themselves and apologize one last time. And after that note they only ever see Cam in passing, and Casey is only ever seen having clipped conversations with April.

Casey felt like shit too, so he distanced himself along with Cam, figuring they had to stick together. But Casey still keeps in relative touch with April, though it's not like it was.

Raph felt like shit. He's grieving his baby brother, and now he's grieving his friends. Yeah he was pissed at them, and yeah it was partially their fault, but they didn't have to go and leave like that. It's bullshit. All bullshit. He starts to resent them both eventually, calling them cowards who left when the going got tough.

Mikey was distraught at first, first he lost his little brother and now he lost his friends? Sure they did something wrong and sure he was upset at them but he didn't want them to leave! They were all a family! They were supposed to be a family anyway. He starts to resent Cam a little as well, but not in the same way as Raph, more in a "You broke your promise" way.

Donnie was probably the most affected by Cam's disappearance specifically. He lost both of the people who actually listened to him in one go. Lil bro's death and Cam's disappearance finally pushed him over the edge. He can't work, can't eat, can't do anything without feeling that heavy weight of sadness looming over him, threatening to press down, hard.

And Leo was so fucked up about his baby brother's death, that he didn't spare a single thought towards Cam. After a while of not seeing him around maybe It hits him, maybe he slowly realizes that he mightve been a bit too harsh, maybe he realizes that it wasn't only your fault, but all of their faults combined. Maybe he realizes how childish he was being, and maybe he feels guilty. But maybe he doesn't. Maybe this only fuels his anger toward them. Who's to say.

[alters-journal]

🐈‍⬛ If you have an inner world did an alter consciously create it? And is anyone able to change it at will?

Okay so our inner world is actually pretty interesting and has evolved over the years. I've been waiting for an excuse to talk about it. >:) *Dr. Eggman voice* YOU FOOL! YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TALK ABOUT SOMETHING IN GREAT DETAIL MODE! MUAHAHAH! Thank you.

Okay so I've been able to access our inner world for quite some time. I usually did so when I was asleep, or going to sleep, to lessen dissociation. However, the inner world has undergone a lot of change from when I could first access it as a child.

My first experience with the inner world was in the 6th grade. I was going to sleep one night and found myself waking up in a completely pitch black area on a bed I barely recognized. At the foot of the bed was some sort of demon (who I assume is an alter who hasn't made themself known yet) telling me everything was gonna be okay. Things were tough at school and I was getting in way over my head doing things I shouldn't have been doing outside of school. Another what I can only assume was an alter at the time took the form of the grim reaper and talked to me too. Both the "demon" and the "reaper" asked me if I really wanted to continue doing the things I was doing. I told them I did. I felt disappointment from both of them. They told me to go sit by the stream and think about some things.

From then on whenever I needed to calm down I'd close my eyes and imagine myself at that stream in the pitch black area with the reaper and or the demon. I honestly hope they come back around they were chill.

(Fun note: They were both around BEFORE my emo phase begun so....)

At one point I stopped going in to the inner world because I convinced myself it was childish, just like having alters. I knew about some of them as early as the third grade but come middle school I thought I had to "grow up" and leave a lot of that behind. So, just like them, I stopped going in to my headspace.

UNTIL I became obsessed with Gravity Falls in the 7th grade.

In the 7th grade I was hanging out with this psychotic dude who was honestly my closest friend. He had a delusional attachment to Bill Cipher and I just went with it. There wasn't really terms for "fictokin" "DA" and "IRL" at the time so I just thought he was an extreme LARPer. Anyways, I might have a factroject of him I don't really know, but bc I was obsessed and BFFs with a Bill Cipher IRL and I had a Tumblr at the time guess who I introjected. You get ONE guess.

Anyway, Bill has since then fused and it was sad to see him go but we all knew it was necessary. He wanted to fuse so yk. Healing healing etc.

But before all that, Bill got bored and decided it'd be best to fuck around with our headspace and BOY did he fuck around with it.

Anyway, this all starts to read like a bill cipher x reader fanfic but fuck it man I was 13 and cringe culture is dead.

I went to bed one night and woke up in the dirt this time. I looked up at a blue, slightly clouded, sky. Bill poked his head over me and asked me if I was okay before helping me up and showing me around. He asked, and I'll never forget it;

"So, whaddya think? I did it while you were at school cause I thought it needed some spicing up."

I looked around at the intense complexity of it. Birds in the distance, trees surrounding us, dirt pathways, nature calling and filling my ears. A rich, earthy sent filled my lungs. It was extremely vivid, I had no idea my mind was even capable of creating something so complex and real.

"I love it." I whispered. I remember crying a little too.

"It's your mind. You deserve to feel at home and comfortable in it." Bill said patting me on the back.

Then he showed me around. There was a train station. A train that would show me more to headspace. Its tracks went in a loop that edged closer to the mountains in the distance. Bill said they were mostly decorative and unreachable. He showed me the "consciousness shack". It was located on one end of the mindscape as we called it at the time. I'd go in to become conscious. AKA, that's where the front was. Near the front however there was this dark part of the forest that always made me feel uneasy. He told me I shouldn't go near there. Still to this day that part of headspace makes me uneasy but I sure as hell aint brave enough to go look.

He showed me the cliff with the dream mist last. Its this weird part of headspace where you can kind of walk off a cliff and be drifted into unconsciousness. If you REALLY wanna have lucid dreams that night you gotta go walk off the cliff. The mist carries you and you just lose feeling. It's strangely relaxing. I think its a lot of fun personally.

Anyway, 7th grade was coming to an end when I thought It was time for me to move past my "daydreams" with the ever famous tumblr sexyman. To move on from my fun little "daydream world". I was an adult now after all! /sar. But for some reason I couldn't. My friend was slowly moving on from his own Bill Cipher phase. Why couldn't I?

I remember we got into an argument one night. I told him he wasn't real and that I had to move on and grow up. He demanded that he was real. After the fight he did something he later admitted was petty. Before he fused we all made up. He said

"If you're so damn sure that all of this is fake, that all my hard work for you is just a figment of YOUR imagination DESPITE your breathlessness the moment you stepped foot in MY creation-" He paused to catch his breath. "If you want to be the only one here so bad then see how long you last without us!"

And with that he slammed the door to the shack and I woke up in a cold sweat. I wasn't entirely sure who or where I was but the inner world was inaccessible from that moment forward until I realized I was a system a few years ago. When I even learned that systems had a headspace.

It had been years and I had long since forgotten the richness of what the world once was. I found myself in a small, dimly lit, wooden cabin with a few other people. Two doors lead somewhere. One to dormancy and one to a place we were too scared to go to. It was new to all of us and we didn't want to risk anything. What if something terrible happened when we opened that unknown door? We were scared of it. But, as more alters returned from dormancy our little shack grew. Soon it became apparent that this little one room cabin wasn't going to cut it for all of us.

I took it up as my duty as a host to open the door and see what was out there for myself. Low and behold, not a thing changed. The world was the same as the day I left it.

The gatekeepers worked on expanding the cabin, we now have an upper floor designated to all of our bedrooms. Only the gatekeepers can alter headspace itself. Not even I can change the space we occupy.

Not long after the discovery of the outdoors Bill came back and we made peace with each other. He told me once again that he had created this world for me, for all of us. He thought after all we suffered we deserved somewhere to go and feel at peace in our own mind. And thats what it still is today. Headspace is an escape for all of us when things get too tough in the real world. Its a nice thing to have honestly.

More recently, an alter named Snow, ventured to the bottom of the cliff. He discovered it was actually a ravine that served as an excellent pathway to the mountains and as a backdoor to dormancy. He recommended that nobody should really go there because the mountains are freezing.

Last month Marquet showed me something. Hidden by some of the trees he found the old stream, now flowing like a river. It's a fun little spot to sit and relax at so we're clearing a pathway to there so its easier to get to.

And last week Marquet showed me something else. He flew me up above the dream mist by the cliff and showed me that there is still more land to be discovered. Snow said he'd go out and explore it sometime soon so, there's even more to our headspace we'll be discovering soon.

ANDDDDDD that's the chronicles of our headspace. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

[noro-noro-noro]

okk what was the dream i had during my nap today....i had alarms every 10 minutes bc i wanted to get up earlier than i did so it was all in slices. i only remember 2

1. psychic girl upset turns into keeping an eye on little kids 2. the kids are still there but we are now in a different environment 3. i’m at some kind of plant hotel preloaded with memories of some auto-assigned boyfriend that i wasn’t too pleased with & then i ran into my friend who was being MEAN TO ME

- smth about supervising some younger kids who were kinda troublemakers. i was psychic also? idk. it wasn’t ME at first i was just spectating this psychic teenager girl who had like shoulder length fluffy red hair & dark eyes & moderate acne & she was crying bc there were people on like. a pilgrimage? through the forest. these people were generally considered victims somehow like they were rendered homeless either through a natural disaster or other people’s actions & they were walking through the field next to the forest. they might have also been psychic idk but like a different kind of psychic

- oh yeah the area...all mostly shades of gray. the girl was wearing like a faded yellow dress. the grass was like that pale yellowish gold color when it’s dying in fall, the sky was like soupy with white clouds, the trees were tightly packed. i remember pine bark but there were also trees with leaves...i think tulip trees? idk. also pale yellow. the people walking were all in thick dark gray shawls over their clothes. 

- anyway the redhead girl i was spectating asked them to please take a detour. go a different way. she was really upset. i’m not sure why - if it was unsafe, if their psychic thoughts grated against her brain, if she jsut didn’t want them in the yard. idk. it didn’t work well. she kept crying. 

- eventually she did manage to relocate? not sure how. there were some cliffs and they took the path of least resistance & made a right turn across the field to the other rim of the forest. the sun was setting now, or maybe everything was just redder. there were kids being mean to each other on top fo the cliff daring each other to jump or to shove somebody else off, i became an entity allied with the redhead girl, who stopped crying & i grabbed some of the kids at the edge & bounded down the side of the cliff, & the redhead girl now had powers of imagination of some kind & did as well. some of the kids were crying & freaking out but i was like you know what this is better than? & they were like what? & i was like being a you pancake! & they all just looked at me & i went ooohh tough crowd huh...the air is so suffocating...gack...& fell on the ground &^ some laughed & started shaking me around.

- the psychic girl created some kind of imaginary cowboy scenario & kabang! we were off! riding off into the sunset (the sunset was north of the field where no trees were) but somehow still alongside the people on their walk. the children were happy.

second part

- i don’t remember how we ended up here, but it was the amphitheater at my middle school i think. there was some kind of presentation up in the front that everyone was supposed to be paying attention to. the lilghts were off & everything. 

- we were in like the back row - not all the way to the back of the theater but one behind the one where everyone else was sitting. we were acting up being rambunctious. the presentation was light blue & everything had like the electric blue cast to it. 

- anyway since we were being rambunctious we got in trouble. i really am blanking on the deteails. there were more seats going horizontally than i remember in real life & i kept having to move from the right to the left. idk. i meant to be detailed in this part too but it’s just not happening. 

third part

- new setting!  i’m actually too lazy for this rn i was gonna tell my friend about it bc he was also in here, so once i did that i’ll come back later & paste it 

the gist is that i was on spy business in the DARK PLANT HOTEL AREA & i was airdropped in. i saw part of the hotel from above & it was like these yellow stone towers but the kind that are gloopy on top & one had a red stamp & one was black. anyway i went in there & i was preloaded with memories to make me blend in better of having to date this dude from my HS graphic design class but he was really lame & i was thinking of breaking up with him bc he was too shy to do much more than 1 kiss on the lips. also everyone was dressed fancy but he was dressed in a badly fitting black suit so i was like i gotta ditch this bozo he’s cramping my style... (i do not recall my outift) . then i ran into one of my friends instead who was like what are you doing here? & iw as like it’s hot girl shit. im spying. i’m investigating.& he was like right. people would definitely hire you as a spy bc you’re so short they wouldn’t be able to see you :^) & i got so mad i woke up