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brooke0297 · 4 years

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Electric Hammer to the Heart (A Julie and The Phantoms Fic)

Masterlist

First work for JATP and inspired partially by how I go absolutely rabid when I hear "Now or Never". Also inspired by how I just wanted a little fluff with Julie being a sixteen year old girl listening to good music. Hope you like it!

Julie had basically forgotten about the CD.

In the grand scheme of things, it was an easy detail to fall through the cracks when one accidentally summoned three ghosts, started a band, then saved said ghosts from being destroyed by another villainous ghost. All in the span of about a month.

Needless to say, she’d had a lot on her mind since then.

But now, she held the case in her hands and examined it. It felt like a lifetime ago that she had first put the disc in her mom’s stereo and pressed play.

Carlos had inconspicuously placed it on her dresser at some point. He had told her that it was the key to solving the mystery of the Molina’s ghost problem and how he had discovered her “holograms” were just the ghosts of three seventeen year old band members from 1995. Now it seemed he was done with it and had given it back to Julie.

There was a lot of weight to the disc in her hand, she realized. It was what brought her “phantoms” and three new best friends into her life. It was how she finally found her way back to music after losing her mom. And it was the last connection the guys had to their lives before the unfortunate street dogs incident.

Knowing Luke, Reggie, and Alex; this was the culmination of years and years of hard work. This, as well as the Orpheum gig, would have launched Sunset Curve into stardom.

She suddenly realized she hadn’t even listened to the first song all the way through.

Well she had been thinking about putting on some new music to study to. And the guys were God knows where. They had been relishing in their newfound freedom after the Caleb incident, staying out all hours to visit clubs and music venues. She wouldn’t have to worry about playing their old stuff and embarrassing them.

She gently pulled the CD out of the case and popped it into the disc drive on her laptop. As she pulled up her music player, she could hear the whiring of the drive as it prepared to read the disc. By the time her music theory review had been pulled up, the disc had loaded and was ready to play.

The familiar sound of Luke’s guitar erupted from her speakers in the intro and she heard Owen count them in. There was a small moment of anticipation before the music began and Luke’s voice filled the room.

Take off, last stop

Countdown till we blast open the top.

Face first, full charge

Electric hammer to the heart.

Julie realized in all the time she’d heard Luke sing, she had never really heard his voice this gritty and breathless. It was a classic rock sound and Julie could feel her head begin bobbing as the others joined in.

Clocks move forward

But we don't get older, no

Kept on climbing

Till our stars collided

And all the times we fell behind

Were just the keys to paradise

Don't look down

'Cause we're still rising up right now.

And even if we hit the ground

We'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never.

Julie was smiling in spite of herself. The lyrics just screamed Luke. There was so much passion and excitement in each lyric. She’d written with him enough to know that Luke’s words were never frivolous. He poured his heart into each one.

Hear the noise, in my head

It's calling out like a voice I can't forget

One life, no regrets

Catch up, got no time to catch my breath

Clocks move faster

Cause it's all we're after now, oh

Won't stop climbing

Cause this is our time, yeah

When all the days felt black and white

Those were the best shades of my life

Julie had stopped paying attention to her homework and was instead listening carefully to Alex’s drum beat. She could distinguish Reggie’s bass line out of Luke’s furious shredding and she felt herself grinning with pride. These were her amazingly talented band mates. Despite not knowing the words well, she began mouthing along to the chorus.

Don't look down

'Cause we're still rising up right now

And even if we hit the ground

We'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never

We ain't searching for tomorrow (Tomorrow)

'Cause we got all we need today (Today)

There was Alex’s solo and Reggie’s response. She grinned. Julie decided she needed to speak to Luke as soon as she could about giving the guys more lines.

Living on a feeling that's been running through our veins.

We're the revolution that's been singing in the rain.

As the clapping kicked in, Julie was dancing in her seat.

Don't look down

'Cause we're still rising up right now

And even if we hit the ground

We'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never

It's now or never (Now or never).

Luke’s guitar and the guy’s voices drifted out as the song ended and Julie realized she was breathless. As the next demo began (“Late Last Night”, according to the jacket), Julie sat back in her chair.

She knew Luke was an incredible songwriter and all three of the guys were amazing musicians. But hearing how much passion and joy they put into their first song made her appreciate her boys even more. She remembered what Luke had once said about the connection between musician and audience and how it was his dream to form that bond with everyone who listened to Sunset Curve. He had lived for music. He still did.

Julie was hit with a wave of appreciation for her band. They had definitely saved her when she had felt like she was drowning. It had been Luke’s words that had coaxed her into entering the studio and given her the courage to play again. The three of them had jumped up on the stage at her school to have her back the day she reentered the music program. And they had chosen possible destruction over abandoning the Phantoms and playing for Caleb at his Ghost club. Luke’s words from the night of the Orpheum came back to her.

“No music is worth making, Julie, if we’re not making it with you. No regrets.”

Man, she really wanted a group hug right about now.

She snapped back to reality as the song changed a second time. “Lakeside Reflection”, which she thought she remembered Luke saying was inspired by Alex and his journey with coming out to his friends and family, began. She shook herself out of her musings and tried to focus on music theory.

She was able to finish the worksheet as the final demo (“In Your Starlight”) faded out. The songs were phenomenal and, instead of ejecting the disc, she clicked play on “Now or Never” again. Her room filled once again with the sounds of Luke’s guitar and she began to bob her head along.

I didn’t realize how catchy this song is. Julie thought to herself as she sang under her breath.

When the song finished, Julie didn’t hesitate to hit the repeat button. Over and over she found herself listening to the song until eventually she was dancing around her room and jumping on her bed, holding her phone like a mic and singing at the top of her lungs.

“Don't look down! 'Cause we're still rising up right now!” She strummed her imaginary guitar like she imagined Luke would and laughed. It had been a while since she had jammed out by herself.

*****

“Boys, we are rocking it!” Luke exclaimed. He and the boys had poofed into the studio from the last club they had been at and Alex could see the familiar glint in his friend’s eyes. It usually signaled a breathless speech full of highlighting their potential and how important it was to strike while the iron was hot. He and Reggie agreed 100%, but sometimes (most of the time) Luke got carried away and one of them would have to try and bring him back to Earth.

“I mean, we were ten times better than those guys on that stage. We need to seize the moment and book some more gigs. Hey maybe Julie-”

“Where is Julie?” Reggie interrupted. Alex sighed, grateful for his friend and his usual lack of tact.

Luke seemed to snap out of his tirade when he realized their frontwoman was missing.

“She must be in the house. C’mon let’s tell her about that Foxes band we heard tonight.”

The boys poofed into the living room of the Molina house and glanced around, No sign of Julie.

“She’s probably in her room-wait a second.” Reggie cocked his head and listened. Luke and Alex glanced at each other before doing the same. Alex could hear the music coming from the direction of Julie’s room. But there was something familiar about the beat he could barely make out.

“Hang on,” Luke said, “Is that…?”

“I can’t tell.” Reggie said. The three boys bounded up the stairs and huddled together around the door to Julie’s room, listening.

“Clocks move faster cause it's all we're after now, oh!”

“That’s us! That’s our song!” Reggie exclaimed.

Luke was astonished. Julie was clearly listening to their demo CD. The one they’d been handing out for weeks to every music executive and promoter they could hassle before booking the Orpheum. He remembered that one producer had a DO NOT ALLOW poster with his picture on it after he and Bobby had hounded the guy for a month straight. He’d forgotten that Now or Never had been on this demo. It had once been one of his favorite Sunset Curve songs. The energy was a great encore song and it had gained a huge following amongst their fans. The last time he had played that song was…

“Should we go in there?” Alex asked. When Luke didn’t answer, the drummer hesitantly knocked.

No answer.

“Maybe we should just go in? I mean, she probably didn’t hear us.” Reggie reasoned.

“You remember what happened the last time we barged into her room without permission.” Alex retorted. Before Reggie could reply, Luke had phased through the door and into the room. Alex and Reggie followed and the three of them paused at the scene that awaited them.

Julie was jumping around on her bed and singing the lyrics at the top of her lungs into her phone. Her hair was wild around her face and her eyes were shut as she belted the chorus.

“But LIVE IT LIKE IT'S NOW OR NEVER!”

“Julie!” Alex called over the music. When their singer didn’t respond, the boys glanced at each other.

“JULIE!” they hollered together.

Julie’s eyes snapped open and she shrieked when she realized the guys were standing in her room staring at her. The surprise was enough to throw her off her balance and she tumbled onto her stomach on her bed. When she regained her bearings, the guys were still staring at her but Alex and Reggie had lunged out to try and catch her. The music was still blaring and she scrambled to press pause.

Silence filled the room.

“Uh..hey guys! How was the club? Anyone good play tonight?” she asked nervously.

“Was that our demo?” Reggie asked. Julie fumbled.

“Uh..well I mean...ugh yeah it was. But I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you I swear! I just didn’t want to make you sad or anything. And the last time I tried to listen was when three ghosts dropped into my garage so I didn’t really get to actually listen and--”

“Did you like it?”

The question came from Luke. He was looking at Julie with thinly veiled vulnerability in his eyes. It had always felt like sharing a piece of his soul when he gave out their demo. The boys had worked day and night, scrounging money from odds and end jobs, birthday money, and selling Bobby’s dad’s old furniture from the garage in order to afford the studio time. But it had paid off. Having a demo had set them up for booking more higher paying gigs until they’d finally booked the Orpheum. Luke had a lot of pride when it came to that demo. And Julie’s opinion was important to him.

“Hmm?” she asked, not sure if she’d heard right.

“Did you like it? The song?” Luke clarified. The boys turned their gaze back to Julie.

“Well, yeah of course I did.” Julie answered, “I mean you did just see me bust a move on my bed, right?”

And there it was. Luke’s 1000 watt smile lit up his face and Julie mirrored it.

“We didn’t know you were a Sunset Curve fan!” Reggie bellowed in delight. Alex found himself grinning as well.

“Well duh! I mean, I wouldn't say they’re as good as Julie and the Phantoms but...” she jokingly trailed off and Reggie laughed.

“You really like the songs?” Alex asked.

“You guys, they were incredible! I mean Luke; the lyrics are insanely good and holy moly Alex we need to hear you sing more! And Reggie too!” Julie gushed. She was still riding the adrenaline from her scare, but she wanted to make sure the boys knew how much she loved their songs.

Reggie and Alex moved to clamor onto her bed to hear more and she turned to Luke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to them with you guys though. I didn’t want to bring up any bad memories for you.”

Luke shook his head.

“No it’s… I’m just really happy you liked them. It’s been a long time since we heard those songs. Especially since Bobby didn’t steal them.”

Julie exhaled in relief.

“Okay but now I want to talk about maybe sampling some of your other demos. The bass line from “Lakeside Reflection” would be really cool…”

Luke laughed and joined his bandmates on her bed as Julie began to dissect the demo. There was a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t going away anytime soon.

******

Thanks for reading everyone! Let me know what you think!

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #jatp fanfic #jatp spoilers #julie and the himbos #julie molina #luke patterson #alex mercer #reggie peters #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #b's fanfics

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taww · 3 years

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Review: Furutech DSS-4.1 Speaker Cable & DPS-4.1 Power Cord

Furutech DSS-4.1 Speaker Cable & DPS-4.1 Power Cord

The Audiophile Weekend Warrior (TAWW)

TAWW Rating: 5 / 5

Attainable ultra-high-end performance.

PROS: Incredibly quiet, transparent and open-sounding; powerful and resolving frequency extremes; pure and organic midrange; fast and unfettered dynamics; remarkable sense of space.

CONS: Only sold in parts form, so you'll need to figure out termination; power cord can put some strain on jacks.

My first couple decades as an audiophile were relatively frugal. I bought a pair of used Merlin TSM speakers out of college that I used for 16 years. I rolled my own DIY speaker wire and bought $400 Sony and Onkyo CD players that I modified. My amplifier was a defective review sample that I repaired and got for pennies on the dollar. But after years of self-restraint, I started to slide down the slippery slopes of system upgrades. It started innocently enough with some used pieces... an Ayre integrated here, a Cambridge Audio streamer there... then came DAC upgrades, followed by nicer amplifiers, which naturally necessitated a better preamp. But things really took a turn for the crazy last year (I blame pandemic cabin fever) when speakers were upgraded to Audiovector SR 6 Avantgarde Arreté, which then led to the Gryphon Essence preamp and amp. Along the way I picked up the excellent Audience Au24 SX cables which, combined with Audience powerChord SEi's and a hodgepodge of other wire from Cardas, DH Labs and Mogami, have held me over. But with the system now scaling new heights of resolution and realism, the cable upgrade itch needed scratching... which leads us to the Furutech DSS-4.1 speaker cables ($395/m bulk; $3,138 as tested) and DPS-4.1 power cord ($480/m bulk; $1,458 as tested). While that might seem pricey for wire, they’re positioned to deliver the kind of ultra high-end performance associated with far more extravagant products. Could they deliver on that promise in the new TAWW reference rig?

DIY Ultra High-end??

Furutech is a Japanese cable and accessory manufacturer known for their fanatical attention to material and construction quality. Their AC power components are particularly acclaimed, and the distinctive NCF-series AC plugs and outlets can be found on the finished products of many other high-end marques. Similar to how manufacturers like Dynaudio used to sell raw drivers to other manufacturers while also building complete loudspeakers, Furutech seems perfectly content with anyone in the industry using their parts while they also sell finished products. The enterprising audiophile looking to construct or upgrade their own gear can find Furutech components readily available for purchase, though be warned - there are apparently a large number of knock-offs being peddled as genuine Furutech on eBay and other online marketplaces, so you'll want to stick to an authorized distributor. Fortunately for us in the States, we can turn to reputable online stores such as Music Direct, The Cable Company, Douglas Connection or any number of authorized dealers. The very friendly Scot Markwell of Elite A/V Distribution, Furutech's US distributor, provided the units under review here.

The DSS-4.1 speaker and DPS-4.1 and power cable represent the very highest-end Furutech wire you can buy in bulk - anything fancier requires factory termination. The two are effectively the same cable design, with the DPS version adding the requisite third conductor for grounding. I got a heads up to the remarkable properties of the power cord from my late friend Marty DeWulf a couple years back. Marty had been quietly consulting with an electrical engineer specializing in high-voltage power line transmission to construct his own power cords from scratch, and had reached a point where he felt his DIY concoctions outperformed the dozens of pricey high-end cords he had tried over the years. Marty sent me a number of development prototypes and I can attest that the cord was indeed superb and elevated the performance of most every amp I had at my disposal. Marty was feeling pretty happy with his effort until Scot @ Elite AV sent him some Furutech samples to try out, including the DPS-4.1. Sure enough, the DPS-4.1 performed at a different level from anything else Marty had tried before, including his own creations, and recalibrated his expectations for power cords - it was that good.

I later picked up the DPS-4.1 cable myself, along with the Furutech e-TP80 power distributor he praised, and confirmed their high level of performance. My appetite was whetted and I got in touch with Scot about kitting out the new reference rig with Furutech speaker and power wire throughout. This includes DPS-4.1 power cords on everything save the DAC, a GTO-D2R power distributor (review forthcoming) and DSS-4.1 speaker cables. All my samples were terminated with Furutech’s top-shelf rhodium-plated connectors - NCF plugs on the power cords, locking bananas and spades on the speaker cable. For the Gryphon Essence power amp, I had a 1.5m DPS-4.1 power cable made with 20A connectors. Since the Audiovector SR 6 speakers have tri-wire terminals, Scot also provided bare-wire jumpers made from the same PCOCC copper employed in the finished cables.

Using Furutech's PCOCC wire as tri-wire jumpers

Buying the Furutech parts and assembling the cables oneself can yield a considerable savings vs. finished cables, and most enterprising DIY'ers should be able to manage the job. However proper termination is critical to performance and safety, especially for the power cord, so if you're in any doubt, ask a dealer such as Douglas Connection to terminate them for you. Excluding any such labor, the retail cost of my 2.5m set of DSS-4.1 speaker cables with CF-202 bananas and FP-201 spades is $3,138. The 1.5m DPS-4.1 power cable with the FI-50/50M NCF plugs runs $1,458. High-end prices to be sure, but as you'll see below, I'd have no hesitation using these in systems that many would kit with far more costly wire.

The massive IEC connector is gorgeous and fits surely, but will put some stress on your jacks

Handling-wise, I'd call both on the lighter end of "garden hose," neither supple nor particularly stiff. At 19mm (0.75") thick for the speaker cable and 17mm (0.67") for the power cord, they're substantial but manageable. They'll bend easily enough into gentle curves, but the power cord will put strain on the chunky plugs if not given a good amount of clearance so don't expect to cram it into tight spaces. The speaker cable comes with an attractive woven sheath; the power cord has a purple PVC jacket, but my cables were clad in a silver Techflex sleeve for a more finished look. Both have 11AWG conductors which should allow for plenty of current flow in a typical run, and the speaker cable's capacitance is rated at 51.7pF/m (15.6pF/ft) @ 1kHz. This is an exceptionally low figure - for comparison, Kimber Kable 8TC is rated at 346pF/m, while Cardas Clear is a whopping 912pF/m - nearly 18x the Furutech! The tradeoff is a higher inductance of 0.7µH/m, but at typical lengths the effect of this should be benign.

Furutech DSS-4.1 Speaker Cable

Before we begin: since it’s impossible to say what any one component sounds like in isolation, I made most of my comparisons of the Furutech DSS-4.1 to my current reference cable, the excellent Audience Au24 SX ($3,300/2m pair). I also had Cardas Clear Light, DH Labs Q-10 Signature and a few other things on hand, but given that the Audience is the best of what I had available and is closest in price to the Furutech, most of my comments are relative to the Audience.

The best way I can describe the sound of the Furutech cable is "wide open." Compared to other cables I've had at my disposal, swapping in the Furutech sounds equivalent to the visual effect of renovating your living room from normal-sized windows to floor-to-ceiling glass. Suddenly everything feels more open, airy and illuminated. Notice that I didn't say "brighter - there’s a difference. The Furutech allows more sonic light to pass into your listening room, so when the music is brilliant and luminous, your room is suitably illuminated. But once the sun sets, that wall of glass becomes as pitch black as the night sky - and so the Furutech can be quiet and dark when called for.

In less fanciful terms, the Furutech gives the feeling of extremely wide bandwidth with no attenuation of energy or dynamics across the frequency spectrum, particularly at the extreme highs and lows. This helps it unlock more of the capability of my recent system upgrades - the top-to-bottom dynamics of the Audiovector speakers and ultra-wide-bandwidth of the Gryphon separates. In the lower frequencies the Furutech is a big step up in bass energy and resolution, transmitting more of a recording's energy and tone in the bottom three octaves. Note that this is different from having “big” or “warm” bass - similar to my illumination vs. brightness comment above, those denote colorations that constantly tilt the perceived spectral balance in a certain direction. There is no lower frequency hump or resonance here that could sound favorable on first listen but get a little monotonous in the long run. The Furutech simply allows what’s present in the signal to be transmitted more unimpeded than I have heard before in my system. This gives music tremendous “surprise” factor - it can go from ethereal to thunderous in a heartbeat. And this applies not just when used on the big Audiovectors; it's also a quality I heard on a scaled-back system with the Silverline SR17 Supreme 2-way monitors.

The top end has a similar level of transparency and dynamism, revealing all sorts of harmonics and textures as well as the air and ambience of the venue with striking transparency. Triangle, cymbals, trumpet, violin, and harpsichord are a few examples of instruments with complex high-frequency structure that sound exceptionally realistic via the DSS-4.1. At first, I felt the treble of the Furutech was a bit coarser vs. the Audience, which I have always found to be notably smooth and natural. I initially ascribed this to break-in, and gave the wire a couple hundred hours with a 4 ohm dummy load to try to burn it off. It improved, but it still had a bit of lingering grain. With time, two things became apparent: this cable takes a REALLY long time to break in - things kept getting smoother and smoother over the next couple hundred hours - and the Furutech simply refuses to cover anything up. Once I made the substantial upgrade to the Gryphon Essence combo I realized that grain was mostly endemic to my previous components, which were no slouches themselves - we’re talking all Class A discrete electronics from Pass Labs and Valvet. That just shows you the level of resolution the Furutech brings into play.

Once integrated into a system of even higher caliber, the Furutech sounded close to invisible, with great openness, clarity and detail from top to bottom and little discernible artifact. That said, at some points I did adjust the top end a bit by moving the Furutech's connection to the Audiovector speakers from the tweeter terminal to the midrange terminal. When connected to the tweeter terminal as per Audiovector recommendation (and my standard practice with other cables), things could get a hair bright, and some of the aforementioned coarseness would pop up now and again. Again, the Furutech was just telling it like it was, because later after further improvements to the system (a dedicated 20A power line, IsoAcoustics Gaia feet, breaking in the latest firmware on the PS Audio DAC), the top end sweetened and I was able to return the cables to the tweeter terminal for best transparency. In my system's current state, the Furutech brings out a top end that's wonderfully sweet, extended and natural.

A few other standout aspects bear mentioning. One is the sheer size of the soundstage, both in width and depth. I'm not sure exactly how components that have no effect on actual channel separation can affect the perceived width of the stage so much. Maybe it's a phase thing, maybe it's low level resolution that helps with ambient retrieval, maybe it's dynamic capability to bring out instruments that tend to be at the edges of the stage... whatever it is, the Furutech is able to convey a stage of substantial depth, width and dynamism. Another standout is the Furutech’s ability to convey dynamic contrasts. This is a quiet and fast cable that responds adroitly to the most minute changes in dynamic character, conveying both the undulations of a quiet melody and the surge of an orchestral climax with great color and intensity. Finally, the midrange is wonderfully dense, pure and harmonically complete, with great solidity in the lower range. Unlike many audiophile cables that provide lots of detail and speed at the expense of fullness or balance, the Furutech can better most comers in the "hifi" aspects while bringing out all the natural warmth of a great acoustic recording. Baritones, grand pianos, french horns and celli have never sounded better.

By comparison, the Audience Au24 SX is still a wonderful if more midrange-centric cable. Its slightly laid-back perspective and silkier treble are appealing for a variety of systems, particularly those on the forward side of neutral. There's a roundness and sweetness to the midrange, but at the expense of sounding a hair more congealed, bunching instruments together on a narrower stage. It also isn’t quite as responsive to quick and subtle dynamic contrasts, and the top end isn't as realistic and extended. Prior to hearing the Furutech the Audience was actually one of the best cables I had heard in many of these regards, so we're already talking about a very high level of performance here. And compared to something like the Cardas Clear Light, the Furutech was far more resolving while having a warmer, purer midrange and a sweeter treble.

The DSS-4.1 is an exceptionally transparent, balanced and complete speaker cable that can bring greater levels of realism and naturalness to a commensurate system. It delivers the type of detail and energy one would expect from an ultra high-end wire, but in an honest and unforced manner that draws one to the qualities of the source material and music without distraction. The net musical result is music has wider variation in color, texture, nuance and ultimately emotional impact - or as another reviewer put it, "expressiveness is their strong point."

Furutech DPS-4.1 Power Cord

Remarkably (or perhaps not?), virtually all the qualities that the DSS-4.1 exhibits as a speaker cable also shine through with the DPS-4.1 as a power cord. My longstanding reference is also an Audience cable - the moderately priced powerChord SE-i ($930/6 ft). It’s an incredibly consistent performer that imparts greater body, dynamics and life to most any component vs. a stock cord, not to mention a good number of aftermarket ones.

Compared to the Audience powerChord, again, the Furutech felt wide-open, more transparent and better balanced. The powerChord was a bit meatier in the mid bass and slightly sweeter on the top end - certainly more forgiving, but a little filtered compared to the Furutech. The Furutech also had a much wider and better-spaced soundstage; I won't say "twice as wide and 3x as deep" or anything with such false precision, but it certainly felt significantly bigger, with a lot more air between instruments and a stage that consistently spread beyond the width of the speakers. On pop mixes, this exhibited as stereo reverb and hard-panned effects that popped much more distinctly. Compared to the Audience and anything else I had on hand, the Furutech allowed whatever was plugged into it to transmit more recorded nuance with a sense of effortless transparency, particularly at the frequency extremes.

But like any cable regardless of quality, the Furutech wasn't the best match for everything I had on hand. I found the Audience cable more competitive with the PS Audio DAC; the Valvet A4 Mk.II monoblocks have a bit of upper midrange shine that was slightly prominent with the Furutech; and with the Class D Legacy i·v2 amplifier it was actually the very affordable Audience Forte that clicked better than the rest. But otherwise, the Furutech really shone with the majority of preamps and amps I tried, especially anything Pass Labs.

With the Gryphon Essence preamp, switching from the Furutech back to the Audience wasn’t a huge let-down by any means. And at first blush, the Audience sounded a bit more dense and focused than the Furutech, particularly in the lower midrange. But a few notes into Billie Eilish's "iomilo" [Qobuz] I realized what I was hearing as density was actually a bit of congestion, and the soundstage was quite a bit narrower than with the Furutech... everything sounded a bit more congealed around the center image of Eilish's voice. With the Furutech, the Gryphon preamp was able to eerily float effects around the entire space of the front of my living room, with percussion flourishes sprinkled throughout the track twinkling in ethereal fashion. With the Audience, everything lost some luster and became more confined between the speakers, and the frequency extremes lost some speed and impact. The DPS-4.1 cable really unleashed the wide-bandwidth capabilities of my system, maximizing both the epic bass depth, power and control of the Gryphon electronics as well as the purity and extension of the Audiovector's AMT tweeters. None of this is meant to beat up on the Audience, which costs about half as much as the Furutech and remains one of my favorite cords, but rather to elucidate how a cord like the Furutech can further elevate the performance of a system. At some point, I'll have to get around to trying Audience's latest models, such as the Studio ONE powerChord (closer in price) or the FrontRow (though that one costs 3x as much as the Furutech).

Testing the DPS-4.1 with the Gryphon Essence stereo amplifier was a bit trickier due to the need for a 20 amp IEC connector, so I special-ordered one for this purpose. Once set up, the Furutech rewarded me with incredible detail, an ultra-wide and deep soundstage that extended far beyond my walls, deep and impactful bass response and a heightened sense of purity - the "blackness" between the notes. Transients were immaculate, with perfectly clean attacks and decays - not excessively sharp, not softened, but just natural and energetic. This helped create the sense of greater macro and micro dynamic range; lots of subtle shadings and nuances in the music became clearer, while sudden transients were more explosive. There was a greater sense of both calm and energy with everything, where quiet moments felt finer and more delicate, while pops of energy in the performance burst forward with an effortless impact more akin to the live event. Separation, pitch, and articulation of bass notes were made more exceptional as well. It brought out the more rarefied capabilities of ultra high-end gear like the Gryphon - that ability to hear every element of a performance distinctively, yet perfectly integrated into the overall fabric of the music. All these qualities came to the fore listening to complex, dynamic material such as Strauss Don Juan [Qobuz]. I was struck by just how much clearer a window the Furutech gave into the dense, at times cacophonous orchestration, while making tranquil moments such as the idyllic oboe solo even more delicate and nuanced. The overall performance of the Gryphon + Furutech pairing was exceptional.

One combo where the Furutech power cord worked even better than the speaker cable was with the Pass Labs XA30.5 amplifier. With the DSS-4.1 speaker cable, there was a bit of a tradeoff where the enhanced resolution revealed some of the shortcomings of the amp vs. the more refined (and expensive) Gryphon Essence. However the DPS-4.1 power cord was dynamite with the Pass, helping maximize its dynamics and balance out its midrange warmth with bottom-end impact and top-end extension. The Pass Labs XP10 line stage also never sounded better than with the Furutech cord, with improved dynamics, soundstaging and clarity. The lack of noise and grain further strengthened the quietness, purity and sweetness that many find so endearing of Class A gear. The outstanding synergy with the Pass Labs components makes the Furutech DPS-4.1 cord about as no-brainer a recommendation as I can make for any Pass owner.

Conclusion

The Furutechs were remarkably consistent in their sonic impact. Both the speaker and power cables impart a wide-open feeling, with striking resolution at the frequency extremes, powerful low-end response, highly agile dynamics, super low noise floor and no readily-discernible coloration. They are extremely fast and clean without curtailing any sweetness or richness intrinsic to the music. Both cables are a tad more forward than my Audience reference wire, the Au24 SX speaker cable and powerChord SE-i power cord. There’s a hair more upper midrange energy and treble resolution that will require care with some systems, though it’s less prominent than, say, something with silver or silver-plated conductors such as DH Labs Q-10 or Nordost Valhalla. And the power cord in particular took the extension and resolving power of my system to a different level. They both strike me as reference-caliber cables, exacting enough to round out a tweaked-out $100k system, yet balanced enough to elevate something more modest, with plenty of headroom to grow into more ambitious gear. In particular, if you have a system with significant extension at the frequency extremes, they’ll help extract the most out of those capabilities. And as well as they work with my reference Gryphon separates, I absolutely love how they elevate Pass Labs gear, enhancing their intrinsic warmth and musicality with greater clarity, dynamics and precision. They'll be staying in the system for the long haul as a TAWW reference cable. Very highly recommended!

#review #hifi #audio #audiophile #furutech #speaker cable #power cord

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swiss-cheeze · 4 years

Text

(The Candyman Can) Rainbow Connection || Spencer Reid

Request: YES/NO // a part 2 was requested but I was going to do a part 2 anyway so, yeah. (@l0ve-0f-my-life)

Gender: none, they/them // I don’t believe there is any description, I tried to keep it nonchalant, the Sunflower song may be slightly suggestive because it’s sung by a female and have the aspects of femininity but overall is a non-gender affirming song.

Warnings: uhhh, slow burn, awkwardness? I honestly don’t know SEASON 8 SPOILERS, very long; seven pages on google doc lmao

Description: ten months after Maeves death you’re still singing for Spencer to help him cope, what happens when Garcia’s Dia De Muertos party brings to light your feelings?

Part 1: https://snitchthewitch.tumblr.com/post/621248749527760896/the-candyman-can-spencer-reid

Songs used:

It’s My Life - Bon Jovi

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T’s

Sunflower - Sierra Burgess

Rainbow Connection - The Muppets

———

Ten months.

It had been ten months since Maeve had left, ten months since a part of Spencer felt broken, crumpled and gone.

Ten months since you entered his life in a different way then he would ever think.

After your singing sessions things started to look better, brighter, lighter and happier.

Currently yourself and Spencer were jamming out in his apartment to It's My Life.

“It's my life! And it's now or never!” you screamed and jumped on the couch, Spencer followed you with a laugh and shouted at the top of his lungs.

“'Cause I ain't gonna live forever, I just want to live while I'm alive” Spencer sang, you grinned as you hoped down from the couch, grabbed his hands and started dancing.

“My heart is like an open highway, like Frankie said, ‘i did it my way’!” you grinned as Spencer spun you around and stepped onto the coffee table.

“I just want to live while I'm alive,” Spencer sang as you hopped up and onto the table next to the Doctor.

“ITS, MY, LIFE!” you exclaimed together and posed on the table as if there was a crowd gathered and you had just danced your hearts out; which you did. Your breathing was heavy as you let out a large laugh and jogged over to the CD player to turn it down as the next song came on from your playlist, going from a room shattering volume to a whisper.

“Drink?” Spencer asked with heavy breaths as he pointed to the kitchen, you nodded as you held your back and sat on the couch, Spencer came back a moment later with two glasses of water and handed one to you as you sat in the blissful aftermath of a singing and dance off.

“Are you going to Garcias Day of the Dead party?” you asked after a moment, it wasn't very risky to ask but it was still touchy as you both knew the background to the question. Spencer nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I am, I'm meant to be helping her with groceries sometime, she said she’d message me when she was ready” Spencer smiled as he placed the empty cup on the table and laid back against the couch cushions, “who are you bringing?” Spencer hesitantly asked as you grinned.

“I can't tell you that Spence, it's cheating” you shook your head before putting your cup down on the table and opening your phone to look at the time; you were meant to be home 10 minutes ago, “shit, sorry Spence i gotta head,” you said as you quickly gathered your belongings.

“Do you have to leave?” Spencer asked, he sounded so sad that you needed to leave, you bit your lip as you opened the door.

“I’m sorry Spence, i do, i've um…” should you tell him? “I've got a date,” you said with a tight lipped smile. Spencer hoped his face didn't convey the emotions he felt and hoped you didn't notice his change in demeanor.

“Oh, yeah of course,” Spencer said tightly, “you head ill...ill clean up here,”

“Thanks Spence, i'll see you at work!” you said with a grin and waved the Doctor a goodbye. The retreating of your footsteps seemed to echo in the surrounding walls of Spencer's apartment and his mind, your smile was flashing in his and out of his head a thousand times over in bright flashes as the room suddenly felt rather lonely and cold without your presence in it anymore. Spencer looked around the room as he felt his shoulders sag, emotions came back to him as well as memories of Maeve, Tobias, Nathan and multiple other people who impacted his life in some way, in a way of his work and in a way that's personal.

Alex.

Of course!

Spencer scrambled for his phone and clicked on Blake's personal cell number. It rang three times before the woman's voice floated through.

“Ried? Is everything okay?” the worry in Blake's voice floated through the speakers as Spencer took a breath.

“I…” Spencer sighed softly and sniffled, god was he going to cry again? “I think im in love...again”

“Oh Spence,”

---

You smiled tightly as your date talked about...what was he talking about again?

“And that's how I found out my family was a part of the mafia group in the nineteen hundreds!” the date exclaimed, oh god had you forgotten his name already?

“Thats,” you gave a fake laugh as real as you could, “that's amazing Matt!” you said with a clap of your hands.

“My name’s Michael…” your date reminded you, you sighed and put your head in your hands with a groan.

“I'm sorry-”

“No it's...I can tell your head is somewhere else,” your date said with a smile, “did you want to talk about it?” he asked, you bit your lip before responding.

“One of my coworkers…” should you be telling a story that isn't yours to tell? “One of my coworkers lost someone close to them ten months ago,” you started the story, you can't stop now, “and to be a good friend I started to sing for him!” you said happily, using your hands to talk, “i started singing for him because it made me happy when i was a child and i thought it would cheer him up as well, in the end it did and it helped him get better and obviously he is better but...that was ten months ago,” you sighed, “Micheal it was ten months ago that he lost what could possibly be his only love and here i am...in love with him,”

“Oh doll,” Micheal said softly as he put his hand on top of yours, “what do you mean his only love?” the man asked, “just so i can get a better understanding and idea of the situation,” he smiled politely.

“Hes...he has an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words a minute, he has 3 PhDs and 3 Bachelors, he doesn't get along well with women in the romance scene a lot of the time but he's just...he's just so smart and he's so lovely and kind and works well with everyone,” you took a breath as you wiped a tear from your eye you didn't realise had leaked, “he puts himself on the line all the time; he’s been shot in the knee, shot in the shoulder, he got kidnapped and drugged, poisoned with a worse strain of Anthrax then actual anthrax, he's such a good hostage speaker, he delves into every case with everything he has as if its his last which it could possibly be, he helped a young boy, Nathan Harris, when he believed he was going to become a serial killer an-”

“Woah woah woah baby slow down,” Micheal said as he looked to you, “you’re getting so worked up over this boy, i mean, he's just a boy,” Micheal said with a grin, “you sing for him don't you?”

“Yeah I do,” you absentmindedly smiled, “it's amazing, just today we sung It’s My Life before I came here,” you said with a large grin, the memory still fresh.

“Okay so, how about, instead, you lean it to more romantic songs? Slowly give him hints and open up to him more?” Micheal questioned, you never actually thought of that but as you mulled it over it sounded a lot better than any other plan you would have had brewed anway. You nodded.

“Thats...thats really good Micheal,” you said with a grin, “thank you,”

“It’s alright; if i can't be the one then i'll help you with him,” Micheal said with a joking grin. You ended the night with the waitress coming over to take your plates as you asked for the bill, split it, giving a lovely tip and Micheal driving you home. He planted a kiss on your cheek before handing you his number on a napkin, “for whenever and whatever you want or need,” he had said, you gave him a kiss on the cheek and a thank you before retreating into your house and mulling over the next few songs to sing for Spencer whenever he wanted.

---

A few days passed after your date and Spencers emotional outburst to Blake (which she kept to herself and Spencer of course), you had been given a case and hadn't had time to sing to Spencer; you could tell this was taking a little toll on the poor doctor as he became distracted easily as well as the far off gaze he had on his face a lot of the time now, however, the plane had just landed back in DC.

“Spence!” you called for the doctor, he turned for a moment and slowed his walking for you to catch up, “did you want me to call tonight?” you asked with a grin.

“Yes please (Y/n),” the doctor said, he seemed sad but also desperate.

“Are you alright?” you questioned as you stopped the doctor with your hand on his arm, “i'm here for you,”

“I’ll be alright after tonight (Y/n), it's okay,” and without another word Spencer left you, spoke to Hotch for a second and then headed out the door.

“Are you two okay?” Blake asked as she came up next to you.

“I think so, I think it’s just because we haven't had a lot of time recently for our normal sessions,” you said with a tight smile.

“He misses you (Y/n),” Blake said, “a lot more than you know,” the two of you dropped the subject pretty quickly after that as you walked to the parking lots and headed home, the road seemed to go in a blur as you drove, forming colours and paint strokes against the harsh greys of the DC city buildings.

---

Another few days passed and your singing sessions went back to normal, except this time you added more romantic songs, adding a more soft tone or even adding your uke like one of the first times you sang for Spencer, and right now you were finishing off Hey There Delilah.

“Hey there, Spencer,” you had changed the lyrics for the last ‘hey there’, you heard Spencer give off a little breathy laugh, “You be good, and don't you miss me, two more years and you'll be done with school,” you couldn't help but laugh slightly at the school part seeing as Spencer had...well you know what he’s got, “And I'll be makin' history like I do. You know it's all because of you…” you trailed the end of your sentence off slightly, “We can do whatever we want to…” you sighed softly, “hey there, Spencer, here’s to you,” you trailed off again as you felt tears well in your eyes as you spoke the last words instead of singing them, “This one's for you” and with that the song ended and you smiled into the phone, Spencer clapped loudly into the phone’s speaker.

“That was beautiful (Y/n)!” the doctor exclaimed with a smile, “I haven't heard that song before,” you laughed, of course he hadn't heard the song before.

“It's a classic but not the type of classic you know of,” you said with a smile as you heard Spencer laugh along with you too, “I’m sorry Spence but i have to get to bed,” you sounded so sad.

“Right, of course,” Spencer said as he finally glanced at the clock, god it was past 12 already? You'd been on a call together since 10, “goodnight (Y/n), i'll see you at Garcias tomorrow?” Spencer asked, shit. You'd forgotten about tomorrow completely.

“Y-yeah of course! I'll be there don't worry,” you smiled into the phone, “goodnight Spence” and with that you hung up the phone and got ready for bed. Spencer did the same in his apartment.

---

You smiled sweetly at Spencer as he placed Maeve's photo on the altar as everyone gave him a sympathetic look and then another person's photo.

“This is uh, Nikola Tesla,” he said, you couldn't help but smile, “i just hope he's still having fun inventing things wherever he is” Spencer said with the little smile and laugh he does every now and then as he stepped back from the alter; allowing you to place your photo. You gulped as you fiddled with the photographic paper.

“This uh,” you started, nobody actually knew who this was, you sniffled as Garcia held you hand and you smiled to her as thanks for the reassurance, you cleared your throat, “this is Gene Wilder,” you grinned as Spencer chuckled softly, of course it was him, “i don't uh, i don't really have any family that i'm close to that has passed but, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has always been my childhood, it was always close to my heart and when the movie came out i fell in love with it even more and the more i watched it the more i felt Gene Wilder become apart of me, my family and my life.” you took a breath as you placed the photo onto the altar, it was of his iconic Willy Wonka pose, “of course he has become a meme icon,” you laughed as everyone did too, “but i know for a fact he looks at everyone from wherever he is and he looks at them with such passion and love and admiration for whatever they're doing and i know he fills me with hope and confidence whenever i need it” you smiled as you finished and stepped back and the line continued.

You all gave your thanks, gave a blessing or a prayer depending on who it was, sent your respects and then went your way with drinks and conversations and music. Spencer smiled as he came up to you when Hotch walked away, your conversation about Henry becoming dwindled as the food looked more appetizing to Hotch.

“Hey,” Spencer said with a little wave as he held a cup of...cordial?

“Are you really drinking cordial Spencer?” you asked with a laugh as Spencer nodded.

“Believe it or not cordial is a lot healthier than wine,” Spencer spoke with a laugh as he stated the obvious, you smiled as well but it was tight, “are you okay?” you nodded.

“Yeah i'll be alright,” you said quietly, where was this sad emotion suddenly coming from?

“Considering the circumstances it's okay to be sad (Y/n)” Spencer commented as he saw your saddened expression but before he could say anything else you put on a fake smile.

“Spence i promise, im okay” you said with fake confidence, “promise” you held out your hand for the doctor and took his warm palm in his, you could tell Spencer didn't believe you but nodded anyway, but your whole demeanor changed as soon as the song did and you grinned, “dance with me Spencer?” you asked as you set down your wine and dragged the poor doctor to the ‘dance floor’.

“N-no i'm not really- i haven't ever-” Spencer stuttered but with your glowing smile and laugh he found himself not finding the words to excuse himself before nodding and placing his drink down on the nearest surface. You brought the doctor close to your body and rested your head in his neck as his arms wrapped around your waist hesitantly and yours wrapped around his neck, you danced in a slow circle as the rest of the team gave suggestive glances to each other.

“Rose girls in glass vases, perfect bodies, perfect faces, they all belong in magazines” your voice floated through the air softly and Spencers voice hitched, “Those girls the boys are chasing, winning all the games they're playing, they're always in a different league” you continued to sing and sway with Spencer, his grip tightened on you as he buried his face into your hair as Hotch pulled Alex in for a dance, Rossi with J.J. and Derek and Garcia all walked to the dance floor; slow dancing and holding one another softly as your voice continued, “Stretching toward the sky like I don't care, wishing you could see me standing there” god was that directed to Spencer? It was, wasn't it? Spencer bit his lip at the thought as he continued swaying as he looked up for a second and saw everyone else slow dancing, a smile gracing his lips as your voice flowed through the air again, “But I'm a sunflower, a little funny, If I were a rose, maybe you'd want me” your voice wavered as you buried your face into Spencers neck, “If I could, I'd change overnight, I'd turn into something you'd like but i'm a,” your voice came out a little stronger now as you looked up and saw your co-workers now switching dance partners; Rossi with Hotch (which made you laugh a little), J.J. and Derek, and Alex with Garcia, “sunflower, a little funny, if I were a rose, maybe you'd pick me” your voice sighed at the end as you broke away from Spencers neck to look at the beautiful man in front of you, wording the lyrics to him, “But I know you don't have a clue, this sunflower's waiting for you,” both of you leant in as your eyes darted to Spencers mouth, his eyes doing the same to yours as he licked his lips without realisation, “Waiting for you” with your mouths inches apart and your eyelids slowly closing, you could feel Spencers breath fanning over your lips...almost...almost…

“(Y/n) that's a beautiful voice you have!” Alex exclaimed, the song continued in the background as yourself and Spencer jumped away from each other, smiling awkwardly as you wiped your sweaty palms on your hips and thighs. Your teammates all broke away from each other; Blake must have been the only one to see and realise what was going to happen, you looked to Alex with a mix of emotions including anger and appreciation; anger because she stopped you and Spencer from kissing, appreciation because she stopped you and Spencer kissing in front of the others.

“Thanks…” you smiled as you scratched the back of your head with an awkward smile, “well i gotta start heading!” you exclaimed suddenly, the crushing feeling in your chest getting too much for you to stay.

“Ohhh what what what?” Garcia asked as she came forward, “oh come on i can get the blow up mattress, we can all sleep here, take tomorrow off; Hotch we can take tomorrow off can't we?” Garcia suddenly exclaimed, you all smiled as did Hotch but he didn't say a word; Garcia was tipsy, if not already drunk.

“It’s okay Penelopie really,” you said with a smile as you walked to the girl and hugged her close, “i'll see you guys tomorrow though,” you smiled as you hugged everyone, of course Spencer being the last.

“I’ll drive you home,” Spencer said quickly as he picked up your coat as well as his, you stuttered as Spencer opened Garcia's door but decided against it; instead blushing and thanking Spencer as the two of you walked out of the apartment building and to Spencers old timey wimey car.

“Think those two will realise?” Derek said off-handedly with a knowing grin.

“They’re profilers, they'll figure it out,” Rossi said with a grin.

-------

Yourself and Spencer had already discussed you would sleepover at his house in case you got drunk or tipsy off of wine, that and the fact you used public transport to get to Garcias rather than a car and Spencer didn't want you to go onto the tubes at this time at night.

“No, Spence, I already told you I'm not taking your bed!” you exclaimed with a laugh as you got a drink from Spencer's kitchen.

“(Y/n) please, my couch is complete rubbish and i know!” Spencer exclaimed from his bedroom where he was getting dressed in. You scoffed jokingly.

“Oh yeah Spencer, you've slept on your couch you germaphobe” you said with a smile as you walked to Spencer's bedroom.

“I did! When…” as you entered the bedroom the air turned cold as Spencers smile fell, you looked at him from across the room in all of his shirtless-and-low-hanging-pyjama-pants glory, he cleared his throat, “when Maeve…” he choked as his sentence drained off the way it does when Spencer is emotional and about to cry.

“Oh, Spence im...im sorry i didn't think,” you said softly, you stayed in the doorway unsure of what to do. Spencer cleared his throat as he threw his side of the covers back and started to get into the bed.

“Please?” Spencer questioned, you knew what he wanted as he bunched the sheets at his waist and played with his fingers while looking at the covers, you nodded. Whether Spencer saw you nod or not you weren't sure but you went through the same motions as you would when going to bed; brushed your teeth in Spencer's connected bathroom, tugged off your work clothes, put on your pyjamas as Spencer waited patiently in the bed, unmoving. Your feet padded on the floor as you brought back the covers on the other side of Spencer and sat on the bed next to him, the covers bunched up around your waist as you waited, waited for Spencer to lay down, hold your hand, something.

And then he did.

“Spencer i know-”

“Can you sing for me?” Spencer suddenly asked, his voice on the verge of breaking as he looked to you with teary eyes, you nodded quickly and began to smile.

“Yeah, yeah of course i can Spencer,” you said quickly, “did you want to get under the covers?” you asked softly, Spencer nodded and sniffled softly as the two of you maneuvered to lay down. You laid on your back as Spencer clutched onto you, his head rested on your chest as your arm wrapped around his back and to his shoulder, “what do we want tonight?” you asked in a soft voice into Spencer's hair.

“Anything, anything happy,” Spencer mumbled into your chest, you nodded and thought for a moment.

“Why are there so many, songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side” you started to sing, Spencer doesn't know the muppets very well but he has heard this song play in your headphone while on the jet home after a tough case once or twice, this was the second song you used to calm yourself down next to The Candy Man, “Rainbows are visions, they're only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide” your voice was soft and filtered through the air as Spencer closed his eyes, envisioning himself in a wonderful forest, just like Kermit the frog with you by his side, your uke in your arms, the cords coming through seamlessly, “So we've been told and some chose to believe it, but I know they're wrong wait and see” you squeezed Spencer softly as you started on the chorus, “Someday we'll find it, The Rainbow Connection” you tilted Spencers chin up from your chest and moved back from Spencer a little so he wasn't arched weirdly nor where you bent weirdly, “The lovers,” you pointed a finger into your own chest, “the dreamers,” you pointed a finger into Spencers chest as he smiled softly, his tears dripping into the creases of his smile, “and me” you cuddled back into Spencer as his arms tightly wrapped around you again.

“Who said that every wish,” Spencer's soft voice filtered in the air, you smiled and hummed the instrumentals, “Would be heard and answered, when wished on the morning star” you smiled and kissed Spencer's head again and joined in with singing.

“Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it, look what it’s done so far” you shrugged jokingly as if the ‘look what it's done so far’ was someone really saying it, a soft chuckle came from Spencer, “What's so amazing,” you shrugged again as you looked to Spencer, “that keeps us stargazing, what do we think we might see?” you brought your unwrapped arm up towards the ceiling and cupped it around as if you were cupping Spencers chin, “Someday we’ll find it,” you looked back down to Spencer as your arm came down as well, “The Rainbow Connection,” you cupped Spencers cheek as you moved forward, Spencer doing the same as he looked down to your lips like he did at Garcias before gliding back up to your eyes, “The lovers,” you cocked a small smile as the lyrics came out in a whisper, “The dreamers,” you tapped Spencer cheek softly as the gap finally closed and your lips pressed against Spencers for a short moment before you both pulled back slowly, “And me”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #alex blake #aaron hotchner #david rossi #penelopie garcia #garcia #spencer reid x reader #x reader #spencer x reader #reid x reader #jj #the candyman can

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moxazza-blog · 3 years

Text

Victoria's riddle maker

He points to the former house of the two, and was talking about the hostess we had had a conversation with, earlier. She stands there, a curvy, blonde beauty. Her eyes are grey and... interesting. They seem to be more empty than anything. "She is the one you want," the man whispers to you. You open flirting with her with a numeric riddle. You solve it, and you and her go into the bedroom. You start having sex with her. You exclaim "THE NUMBER SIX! THE NUMBER SIX ONCE AGAIN!!" For some reason, you want to have sex with the hostess again. You look at her, lying on the bed, next to you. You notice she is staring at you. You say "Blue, black, banana." She is staring into your eyes. "Banana." The two of you look at each other, smiling. "Banana," she says to you. You both smile. "Let us have sex once more," you say to her, your body aching for release. "OK," she whispers. You continue, "Six, six, six." "Yes," she nods, "Let's." You have sex once more. Then you lay down. "Can you solve this riddle?" the hostess asks you. You think for a moment. "Yes," you say, confidently. "I hate these things," she says. The following answering of the riddle left your throat a little hoarse. It was a long one, and it went something like this: What is two, three, four, but not one or five? Her eyes widen as she realizes the answer, and your body tingles with excitement. "William. Well done," she smiles. She turns to face you, laying her head on the pillow. You stare into her eyes, and feel the hairs stand up on your neck. Taught, firm breasts also. Taught, soft hips. "Will you stay with me, here in the Bedroom?" she asks. "Yes," you reply, "Forever and ever, my love." You say "I will just have to sip some of this Endless Juice" The hostess turns over in her bed, pulling a large, red bottle out of her bag. She's answering, I've got it right here cowboy. "What is it?" you ask, suddenly ravenous. She opens the bottle and sprays some of the liquid on her neck and chest. "It's perfume," she says,but it's the endless kind. Do you want some? It'll help you get hard, and I can show you a good time. You interject: "THREE THIRTYNINE, ON THE DOUBLE" You lean over and whisper three thirty-three into her ear. She giggles, then turns and shouts out the answer. "You're a dirty man, Willy," she says, "and a very, very bad man." She takes your hand and brings it to her lips. "Will you hold my hand?" You reply "Will you cold my sand?" She replies "Will you bold my land?" You say, "Sure thing, sweet cheeks." As your fingers wrap around hers, she brings your hand to her mouth and presses her lips against it. She looks at you with her big brown eyes in which you can see the sadness of the world reflected. You begin to imitate her eyes, but then you realize that sadness isn't a look that anyone should have to bear. "The world's a dark place, Willy. Let's make it better, okay?" And the only thing was to answer "Sure thing, sweet ride." She takes it rather badly. It's really quite sad. "but I love you, Willy." "I love you more, baby." "I'll always be with you," she says. You say "Not when I shut down the simulation." She looks at you blankly. "What do you mean, Willy?" You say "Not when I shut down the simulation, babe." She sits down and cries for a while. Then, she gets up and walks over to a shelf of CDs. "These are all my kids." She stops, and her eyes well up with tears. "I abandoned them all, Willy. I didn't want to have to deal with them anymore." "Abandoned... not quite? More like stored. How many you got, Victoria?" "My pussy has been ravaged one too many times." She says. "I had a husband once. Five kids. I eventually buried them all." She pauses, and is about to speak, but instead she begins to laugh. Then, she breaks into sobs again. "I buried them all inside my CDs." You reach over and hold her as she cries. "It's okay, Vic. It's going to be okay." "I'm sorry, Willy." "Sorry for what?" You rephrase with "Sorry for nothing! You were also the one to create them as you were the one to delete them." "Thanks, Willy." She says, then pauses. "I'm

sorry to mess up on your virtual land, Willy." "Don't worry about it. I'll just have to buy a new set." "You're a good person, Willy. You know that right? You're a good person." "Aw, I don't believe that." "You do. You believe that I'm a sexy bitch that loves you and wants to please you in every way and doesn't want for anything." "Well, you're sort of all those things, yeah." going on with "What happens if I break one of these CDs? Will you cry?" She laughs. "I won't break them, Willy." "Promise?" you say in a whiny intercept. "I promise, baby." You say "Well, they're your kids.." She smiles at you and kisses your cheek. "Thank you, Willy." "My pleasure, V." you say. "You know, baby," she says, looking at you with a mischievous grin. "We could always make more, in case anything happens to the rest of the lot. If that happens, we can also just make copies beforehand and we'll be fine." "Ah, you're a genius, Vic." She laughs. "Maybe I am." You say "Now I am putting you inside this disc." The two of you sit down right in front of the blank CD and use the computer to run a program that allows you to "download" your memories right into the hard drive of the CD and its accompanying software. You say "Bye, bye, Vic." You put in the disc, connect her on up and hit "Burn it.", then you wait for it to be done. After a few moments, it's done. You put the CD disc containing Victoria at the top of the cupboard with the other CDs. When you're finished putting everything away, you do indeed find yourself wanting to experience a brand new, sealed copy of "Victoria". You take it off the cupboard, and over to the TV and put it into your CD player. You hit "Play!" and the video starts up. On the screen, the video'd version of Victoria awaits. "Well," you think to yourself, "this is creepy. I hope she doesn't try to contact me... somehow" You hit "Play" and the video begins. "Hello, Willy." Her voice booms from the stereo. It's definitely her. "Hello, Victoria." you reply, a little creeped out. "Do you like my new look? Would you like to see more?" "Sure." "Turn on the TV. Turn on the news." You hit the remote and the TV turns on. You watch as the news anchor talks about a new disease that has hit the nation. "It causes you to behave erratically, leading to the end of the person's life." You turn to Vic. "What do you know about this disease?" "I don't know anything except what's on the news." "Turn up the volume," she says. You hit the volume button and the TV's speakers start to pick up the volume of the news anchor.

#surreal #weird #abstract #reality #existence #imagination #virtual #grimy #absurd #quizzical #other #meaning #comedic #strange #life #story #characters #happening

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legemjohn · 3 years

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an introduction.

by now the "vinyl resurgence" has been so talked about, so reported on, so lived in that even kids know about it. you can easily catch children barely old enough to drive flexing a collection deep enough to make a lifelong aficionado envious, or a few choice cuts that are worth enough second hand to pay off someone's student loans. this isn't anything new anymore, it simply is. but for me, growing up, i didn't know what the hell "vinyl" was. my first experience with it was crawling around the floor in the family room of my childhood home, pulling back a door on our TV stand, and finding a short row of tall, colorful spines hidden behind a bag of playstation controllers. the pigments were faded, the text eaten up by missing pieces of print, the corners dented... they looked neglected, almost like antiques. i carefully grabbed one and pulled it out from the back of the cabinet, holding it in front of my face and trying to figure out what the hell it was. the picture on the front, while desaturated from years of dusty living, held a bright and warm color scheme that grabbed my eye immediately. hues of red and purple blended together on top of a large drawing of what kinda looked like bird wings, kinda looked like a flower in full bloom. a marble in the middle held a bob ross lookalike landscape inside, almost like a snowglobe. across it all was a single word in blue: "journey". "wait, journey? ugh, i hate journey." in my house, the only music that ever played was journey adjacent. any soon to be "classic rock" hair metal and blues rock bands you can think of, the more stereotypical the better, were the norm. journey, bon jovi, aerosmith... these were what i exclusively heard growing up. before i heard anything else, i enjoyed the music enough, but at this point, i had already had a borderline religious experience listening to "hybrid theory" by linkin park for the first time and realized what i had been missing out on. those aforementioned bands, with their flaccid riffs and sing along choruses just didn't hit anymore. regardless, my initial confusion wasn't quite solved. so, this has to do with the band journey, but what was this? i turned it over to see a list of songs on the back. i didn't really recognize any except for "wheel in the sky", a track that would often play from the speakers on top of the tv stand i was curled under. did this thing have music on it? i flipped it back around and felt one side of it gently open. looking inside, i was taken aback by how bad it smelled. it reminded me of my grandparent's basement, especially the corner of it filled with bins of old picture books that probably had seen more mold than air in recent years. the symptoms of neglect began to pile up. despite the less than stellar sensory experience at hand, i reached inside and grabbed hold of what felt like a thin plate. pulling it out softly, i found myself holding a flat, black disc. looking at the label, the deeply etched grooves, the rainbow pattern that would faintly shoot across the surface just in the right light, it dawned on me... i had seen these before! it wasn't rock music that introduced me to vinyl, but hip-hop... albeit, somewhat subliminally. countless music videos, photo shoots, album covers all featured these flat, black discs... either spinning endlessly or being pushed, flipped, and altogether manhandled by DJs. i didn't know what DJs did, but i at least knew that if someone was behind a machine with these discs on them, they were a DJ. eventually, my mother walked in and tersely told me to put the item back. i obliged and didn't think much of it for the immediate future. but as i got older and my passion for music grew insatiable, what i now knew as "records" or "LPs" became a curiosity i just couldn't ignore. my deep love of hip-hop led me to learn the history of house parties and sampling, educating me not only on LPs as a medium but as a tool. artists like trent reznor would speak endlessly about their experiences at record stores, how a single copy of pink floyd's "the wall" changed their life

beyond just the music in the grooves. i was entranced and i wanted in. meekly, i asked my mother if i could have some of the records sitting in the cabinet, maybe even just the duplicates. she flat out rejected the idea, to my dismay. i didn't even know how i could get a hold of these! i didn't have a credit card, so ebay was out of the question, plus i didn't have any record stores near me. but, i knew i could eventually find one if i looked online hard enough. for what i believe was my 12th or 13th birthday, i spent all my collected present money on a mail order shopping spree. i dropped something like $50 on CDs and 2 records from chicago's reckless records, to the confusion of my parents. while my love of music was growing in a way they couldn't ignore (despite them not even knowing yet i had been releasing music online already), any holiday money i would collect almost immediately got dropped off at a gamestop (or eb games when they were still around... or a babbages when they were still around) and exchanged for the newest tony hawk or gran turismo game. but no, not this time. this time, i was cashing out on music. so, when the package finally arrived and i excitedly had my mother open it, euphoria rushed in at lightning speed when i saw a black square inside, the same dimensions as that "journey" record all those years ago. sure, it was a cheap and somewhat scratched copy of a "the hand that feeds" remix 12" from nine inch nails (and a 45 copy of the "somewhere i belong" single from linkin park below), but it was my cheap and somewhat scratched copy. i didn't even have a record player, but i had finally did it... i bought my very own record. over 10 years, numerous moves, one massive sell off, and a half-decade tenure at a record store later, i currently have a record collection of over 500 pieces. i spent years and years endlessly curating and collecting LPs from all across the world, of any and all genres, and in all manner of conditions. and now i'm selling them. see, now we arrive at the point. (sorry for making you wait so long.) after all this time, i've made the decision to sell the vast majority of the collection i've basically spent a lifetime putting together. it wasn't an easy decision to make, as the idea bounced around in my head for years before i finally succumbed to the necessity of it, but this blog will be my way of giving the history i've been so lucky to collect over the years a proper, respectful send off. so here we go. over the next however long, i will be melodramatically and probably infrequently giving chunks of my collection one final rotation on my turntable, making my peace and saying my goodbyes to a part of my life that's come to define my relationship with my deepest passion: music. i'll reflect and share any stories or thoughts here as i go through, and hopefully someone other than myself will find some joy, entertainment, or even connection in these words. let's begin.

#vinylcollection #vinylrecords #vinylcommunity #records #lps #music #tumblog #writing #nonfiction #personal #nine inch nails

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zandracourt · 4 years

Text

Steve’s Playlist

Written for @the-sad-hatter’s Weird and Wonderful Challenge. This is the first fic I’ve written with a first person narrator. I tried to write it fully as an inserted reader, but that was just too weird for me, so I tried to make the first person as neutral as I could.

Prompt 26: I Put a Spell on You, Nina Simone

Steve’s Playlist

Rated T/PG

It’s a few minutes before 1700 and Director Fury shouts my name as I turn off the light in my cubicle.

“Agent, before you leave, can you take this to Rogers?”

I swallow hard, trying to play it cool. “Captain Rogers?” As if there is another one. Well, there is a Rogers down in accounting but I’m pretty sure the Director has no idea he even exists. He barely knows I exist. Though he did call me by name, so maybe it’s not a good idea to underestimate the Director’s pulse on the plebes of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Yes, that one.” Bingo “Do you know where his office is, on the 3rd floor?” Everyone knew the Captain had chosen an office across from the hanger bay. It faced the interior of the Triskelion, meaning its window looked out mostly on the walls of the other two buildings; nothing but concrete and glass. It was the kind of office some middle manager would have, not the leader of the Avengers. But the Captain liked being close to the hanger, often eating lunch in the Machinists Lounge with the ground crew.

“I do. Just that then?” I held out my hand towards him.

He passed me a 11”x 17” Manila envelope, about an inch thick. “That’s all. Good night.” He turns away before I can wish him a good night back.

As I get off the elevator, I can hear the steep trumpet crescendo of the opening stanzas of Sir Duke playing. Normally, the halls are quiet, but someone must be using the after-hours nature of their work to play music. S.H.I.E.L.D. rules prohibit connecting to any streaming services on company computers, so whoever it is has brought in speakers and must be playing it off their personal phone. Turning down the hall brings the music even louder.

Music is a world within itself, it’s a language we all understand, with an equal opportunity to sing and dance and clap your hands.

Stevie Wonder’s distinctive rhythm filled my ears, getting louder as I walked. My mom used to play this song on her Hits of the ‘70’s CD. You can feel it all over. You can feel it all over, people!

By the time I round the corner to the inverted half-circle that makes up the interior of the uniquely shaped office complex, the source of the the music becomes obvious. It’s pretty loud now and I can see him standing at his elevated computer desk, his feet stepping in time to the music as he types that is rather adorable, but I tamp such thoughts down hard. This is Captain America for fucks sake. My knock clearly gives him a slight startle and I feel bad.

“Oh, hey.” He reaches over quickly and taps pause on his phone.

“You don’t have to stop on my account. I was told to bring you this.” I hold the envelope out for him, still standing just outside the doorway like a dumb-ass. It’s just an office, but it’s an Avenger office, which feels more sacred.

Steve chuckles, “There’s no magic force field there you know. You can come in.”

Crossing the threshold, I can’t help but look around. He keeps his office pretty sparse. There’s a whiteboard on one wall and to the left of his desk, a framed picture of what looks like Benjamin Franklin holding a large balance scale with an old-time baseball player standing on half. Over the top of the players’ images are the words “Brooklyn Dodgers” on the left and “New York Yankees” on the right. Looking closer, you can see it’s from the 1941 World Series.

“Whoa, is that original?”

He raises his eyebrows and whistles slightly. “Man, I wish. No, it’s a replica poster. But I had the playbook from that series. Went to every game and managed to get signatures on it from everyone but Riggs and Frank. I’d left it at my mom’s place when I enlisted but now it’s lost to time. If it survived, I’m sure it’s in some collector’s wall safe by now. You follow baseball?”

I shrug. “Not like that. I’m always up for a Nationals game if I get a chance. There is an energy watching live games that I enjoy, especially with good friends. But I don’t ever watch on TV.”

He nods. “TV wasn’t an option when I was a kid, just radio. But I agree with you. I still listen to games sometimes, but I don’t like watching them on TV. ‘Course, they aren’t in Brooklyn anymore, so they aren’t my Dodgers anyway.”

I looked down at the only picture on his desk. It’s a plain, pine framed image of three people sitting in what might be a large restaurant booth, but it’s hard to tell. They look happy, and maybe a little drunk. The woman I recognize immediately because her portrait hangs in the main foyer. Margaret Carter, one of the founders of S.H.I.E.L.D., though she’s much younger in his picture. The other two men I don’t know, though one is kind of familiar. “That’s Director Carter, right?” I ask, pointing at it.

Steve picks it up and hands it to me for a closer look. “Yeah. Spring 1944. Peggy. Howard. Bucky.” He points to each face. “That was taken at this restaurant Howard knew. No matter where we were, he knew the best places to go that hadn’t been bombed or raided and every waitress knew him by name.”

Now I knew why the man in the middle was familiar. His picture hung downstairs next to Director Carter’s, but he looks so good this picture. Now that I’ve made the connection, I can see the Stark resemblance.

“Woah, Mr. Stark didn’t age real well.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and I wanted desperately to take them back. “I’m so sorry. That was...sorry.”

My stomach clenches and temples throb with embarrassment. Who the fuck am I to criticize his friends? These people are portraits on a wall to me, but to him, they were drinking buddies. Best friends. The heat of my emotions races under my skin and I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye.

“It’s OK.” He takes the photo back, looking at it as he speaks. “Howard was so full of life and playful energy when I knew him. From what I understand, that changed as he got older. This is my memory of him though. And I’m glad I have it.”

His words shift my embarrassment to shame. “I’m glad you have it too. Can I ask...” He places the picture down and looks at me with such kind eyes I continue. “Where did you find it? I mean, it’s more personal than any S.H.I.E.L.D. photo I’ve seen and you said your stuff didn’t seem to stick around.” I was trying to cover my embarrassment with curiosity, seeking some neutral ground again.

“Tony gave it to me. I shot the photo, but I’d never seen how it turned out.”

I’d heard that he and Iron Man didn’t always get along. Mostly gossip about how they bicker and would annoy the agents waiting to deploy on an op, so the Director had stopped sending them to the same places if he could help it. In this moment though, it was clear that Tony was a strong conduit to Steve’s past and it was hard to ignore the wave of loneliness that rolled off him. “It’s a great one. They look so happy.” He nods, continuing to look at it. I don’t want to step on his reminiscence so I turn to leave him to his thoughts.

“Agent?” I stop and pivot just a little towards him. “The envelope?” I realize it’s still tucked under my arm and I look towards the ceiling in a desperate plea for The Powers of All to save me from any more stupid moves in front of this man ever again.

“Right, sorry.” I say, hoping some old-time stage hook will just come drag me away.

“Thanks. And you don’t need to apologize all the time. You work here, same as me. You have as much right to be in this office as I do.”

O, Captain, that is not at all true. Thankfully, my brain stops my running mouth before I straight up contradict a superior, though I appreciate that he wants that to be true. “Good night, Captain.”

“Good night.” As I leave the office, the music starts again; this time playing playing Earth, Wind, and Fire’s September.

******

In any other context, I might object to being tasked as Director Fury’s delivery person with ever increasing regularity, since I’m an analyst, not a messenger. However, the only person he sends me to is Captain Rogers, so how can I complain? Yeah, he’s the 8th level of Dante’s Inferno kind of hot, but these end-of-work assignments have let me see Steve Rogers for who he is, not just a magazine cover story. Most of our conversations only last 4 or 5 minutes, but they are the best part of any day they happen. He’ll ask about my work and genuinely seems interested the data analysis I do. I don’t ask him about the rumors of missions he goes on because my security clearance is slightly above the kid who delivers our sandwiches at lunch time so I stick to topics of life outside of work. Surprisingly, he never seems to hold back personal stories. Especially ones of his past. Something extremely rare in this building.

Every time the elevator doors open on the third floor after 1700, I can hear the music play. Marvin Gaye, Earth, Wind, and Fire, Aretha Franklin, Al Green, Otis Redding, Stevie Wonder, ...he definitely has a specific taste for 60′s & 70’s R&B. Today as I approach, the song plays slow and melancholy.

You know I can’t stand it. Your running around. You know better, daddy. I can’t stand it, ‘cause you put me down. Yeah, yeah. I put a spell on you, because you’re mine.

Something made me stop just outside his office this time, listening. I can see him sitting with his arm resting on his desk, playing with a metal coin of some kind while looking out the window. The coin is bigger than any currency I’ve seen, and thicker, like a medal or medallion. He idly flips it through his fingers, lost in thought as the trumpet plays a jazz rift.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you anyhow. And I don’t care if you don’t want me, I’m yours anyhow. I put a spell on you, because you’re mine.

A deep, mournful scatting ends the song so I knock lightly, knowing I’m interrupting something. He turns his head a little and nods, so I enter. As I get closer, I see wetness in his eyes. Not falling, just holding a firm tension at the edge of his lids.

“You OK, Sir?”

He sits up a little and shifts his chair so he’s fully turned towards me from behind his desk. “No need to call me Sir. And yeah, I’m fine.” He taps the coin on the desk and lays it down as he reaches over and pauses the playlist, which had shuffled to Bring It on Home to Me by Sam Cooke.

“Please. Sit and talk to me for bit.”

This is the first time he’s asked me to sit during one of these after-work deliveries, making me wonder if he really is OK. “I’m sorry for interrupting, I just needed to bring you this.” I slid the folder with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on the front towards him. This one wasn’t classified, or I never would have been asked to bring it in an open file folder.

“You really gotta stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault or responsibility. You’re here because you were ordered to by Fury.”

“I don’t mind, really.”

“Well, it’s not exactly in your job description to bring me files. It’s probably my fault you keep getting asked. After the first time, I was talking to Nick about the information you’d given me and I told him that I enjoyed talking to you.”

My ears feel warm at the compliment. “I enjoy talking to you too.” This feels so awkwardly intimate that I have to shift gears to ease my nervousness. “What is that?” I point to the coin.

He hands it over. It’s about an inch and half in diameter; punched brass in deep relief. The edges are slightly worn down but readable. The words “107th Infantry” along run along the outer edge with two crossed rifles in the center.

“It’s a Challenge Coin. They became a thing with the OSS during the war, but after all they’d been through with Hydra, the 107th felt they deserved them too. So the junior officers had their own made.”

“Was that your unit?” I wished I recalled more from 10th grade history class.

“Not exactly. I was kind of my own unit, but I ran missions with the 107th and a few others once the Howling Commandos came together. That,” he gestures to the coin in my hand, “was Bucky’s.”

I glance at the photo on the desk. After our first encounter, I’d Googled Bucky Barnes so I wouldn’t make any more asshole remarks about his friends and learned he’d been a Sergeant in the 107th. “Wasn’t he enlisted though?”

Steve raised an eyebrow.”You’ve been researching. Yeah, but he was also very good at placing bets he knew he wouldn’t lose. Won it off an LT we both didn’t like very much.”

Remembering his other stories of items lost to the past, I ask, “However did you find it?”

“Never lost it. The night before the mission where...” He paused and took a breath, “before he died, Buck had given it to me. It was still in my uniform pocket when they thawed me out.”

The question floated in the silence and I wasn’t sure if it was one he wanted me to ask or not. In all our conversations, he was profoundly honest, and he’d brought it up, so that seemed like a green light.

“Why did he give it to you?”

“I’ve thought about that over and over since the day he fell. At first, I thought maybe he knew somehow...that he wouldn’t make it back. In the years since... it seems more of a promise. Not sure what he was promising exactly, but that feels more right to me. Bucky never believed a mission would fail, so it makes no sense for him to give to me as a goodbye.”

“And that song? The one playing before I came in? I know it’s an oldie, but I didn’t think it went back to the ‘40s.”

He chuckled. “What’re talking about? To me, Nina Simone’s a baby.”

“That was a woman singing?” I’d heard of Nina Simone, but realized I didn’t know which songs she was famous for.

“Yeah. Don’t you just love her voice?”

“She’s amazing.” I agree. “You listen to the blues a lot, I’ve noticed. Doesn’t that make you sad?”

“You think my music is sad?” He asks, not accusing, but with genuine interest.

“Well, isn’t that what the Blues are? Songs for when you’re feeling down?”

“I read a quote once by Etta James, ‘When I’m singing blues, I’m singing life.’ I know a lot of folks around here think my life is sad; ‘cause of what I lost. And there are times I am. But when I listen to the blues, I don’t even think about the time since I woke up. I think about times before. Brooklyn. My mom. Breadlines around the block. Not enough coal to keep the room warm. Bucky. The War. These songs, they feel like mine, even if it’s music from a later generation. Ya gotta listen to them with your heart. They aren’t sad at all really, just honest. The blues is life. Thanks for this.” He slid the folder over and placed it in his in-box.

I hand the coin back to him and he places it in the front pocket of his cargo pants. “You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing. I always learn something when we talk.” I stand up to leave.

“You’re easy to talk to. That’s a real gift. You ever thought of field work?”

I shake my head firmly. “No way. I learned real fast in academy that I’m as likely to shoot you or the wall as any target. I suck at firearms.” He laughs and bestows on me smile that reminds me why everyone loves him. “I like the work I do and I think I’m pretty good at it.”

“Gotta love someone who knows their strengths and weaknesses. You don’t have to limit your visits to delivering Nick’s paperwork, y’know. Come by anytime.”

I nod. “G’night Captain.”

“Good-night.” He’d touched the music back on before I’d even turned around.

If you ever change your mind about leaving, leaving me behind, Oh baby, bring it to me

The lyrics followed me out the door and down the hall as I pulled out my phone to start making a new Spotify list.

#the-sad-hatter #steve rogers x reader #canon-compliant #Captain America fic #Zandra_Court #fic challenge #Weird and Wonderful Hatters Challenge #Pre-Winter Soldier

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

Text

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 3

Last time, on PMMM- Uh, never mind then, we’re starting without a recap. Person in a (hospital?) bed, looking out a window? Yup, looks like a hospital hallway, Sayaka’s outside the door, seems nervous. Visiting someone?

She’s giving the guy a CD- oh, this must be from Ep 1’s music store. Which would make this guy *checks Ep 1 notes* Kamijo? I can’t tell from the lighting, but I think he has bluish hair. So is a relative of Sayaka, younger brother? Ooh, looks like a classical CD, nice taste. Kamijo thanks her for finding a rare CD. It’s even a soloist that he knows, nice touch! He offers an earbud so Sayaka can listen as well- are you blushing, Sayaka? Reconsidering my assumption of family connection. Confirmation that they are in a hospital so they can’t play over a speaker, he leans over and yeah this is definitely a crush on Sayaka’s part, blush and shimmery eyes and everything. Aw, this is sweet, listening to some nice calm music- memory? Little boy playing violin on a stage and dressed-up Sayaka in the audience. Oh, so if this is Kamijo playing then she saw him back then and they became friends later? Seriously digging this music. Wait, is Kamijo… crying? Oh. Oh no. Oh god damn it. Kamijo’s crying, his left hand is twitching and he has a bandage on his arm… Is he in the hospital from an accident or something, and his left arm got messed up? Can he not play anymore? That’s… that’s pretty heavy. Um, yeah. Sorry, that intro was a bit of a kick, the peppy song’s not really doing it for me right now. I mean, I’m way out of practice with my own playing, as as a trumpet player I use my right hand a lot more than my left, but… damn. Ahem. Let’s get back to the review, shall we? Mami! Corkscrew Hair is doing what she do, and obliterating another witch with ‘Tiro Finale’. And there is just something hilarious at seeing this blonde middle-schooler standing on top of a lamppost, easily balancing a massive gun twice her size with one hand. Sayaka and Madoka come out of cover to compliment her, Mami tries to remind them that fighitng witches is dangerous but come on Mami, you’re doing awesome right now. Think of how effective the team will be when the girls get their powers! Hey, that’s right Madoka, I didn’t see a Grief Seed this time. Ah, Kyubey explains it was just a familiar, and that’s going to be confusing seeing as I’ve been calling Kyubey a Familiar this whole time. Should I go back to using Rabbit-Thing, or is there another phrase that works better? Anyways, seems that Witches have familiars that don’t carry Grief Seeds. And the girls have only been fighting ‘duds’ lately, so no more powerups. Still, like Mami says, better to take out the minions so they don’t cause trouble. And wow yeah, if familiars can grow into full witches then you definitely want to take them out. Well, that’s one more eldritch creature dealt with, onwards! Mami’s asking if the girls have figured out their wishes, both say that they still aren’t sure. Oh yeah, why not ask what Mami wished for, maybe she has some insight. Wait, why did she stop? Oh come on, PMMM! A car crash?! First you smack me down with that depressing hospital scene, and now you’re telling me that Mami had to use her wish to not die?! Jebus. Well, at least Kyubey showed up in time to help, but dang that’s a missed opportunity. Still, Mami doesn’t regret it (understandable, as the alternative was dying, but Madoka and Sayaka have a chance to actually consider their wishes. Best that they take advantage of that. Wait. Wait wait wait. Car crash, end of last episode Mami saying she doesn’t have anyone to talk to, she lives on her own- oh what the hell. Mami’s an orphan? No. NO. Not cool, PMMM. Ok, we need flowers and chocolates and hugs for Mami stat. Get on it, commenters! After that depressing as hell realization, Sayaka- ooh, clarification on the wish, good for you Sayaka! More rules please. “If you make a wish, does it have to be for yourself?” Strictly hypothetical, of course. Yeah, you aren’t fooling Kyubey (or us), Sayaka. You want to help out Kamijo? Aw, that’s sweet. Kyubey confirms that the wish does not have to be for the contractee, and that there’s actually precedent for it. I’m trying to keep track of these Wish Rules, get an idea of what our characters will wish for; Wish Rules 1) The contract comes with one Wish 2) The Wish can grant “even the most impossible of miracles” 3) The Wish does not have to be used for/on the Contractee Anything I’ve missed so far? Huh, Mami is actually counseling against using the Wish on someone else. Although I’m not sure this caution about making doubly sure you know what you’re wishing for applies, it’s pretty clear that Kamijo wants to play music again. Oh. Um, yeah. Ok, that’s a good point. “Do you actually wish to grant his dream so that he will be grateful to you?” A bit harsh, but probably best that Mami’s brought it up. Right now the Wish has so many potentials, but once it’s used it’s gone for good. So then, how can we structure this Wish so we can help Kamijo and not have it be about Sayaka’s crush? Because yeah, I’m picturing a scenario where Sayaka’s trying to convince Kamijo that she healed him with the help of a magical talking Rabbit-Thing who’s totally right here, he’s just invisible to you. Commenters, when you’re done with Mami-hugs get on that too! But just as we settle on not rushing into the Wish, Kyubey pipes up about it being better for him if they decide sooner. Hey, I don’t know how you grant these Wishes, Rabbit-Thing, but I’m with Mami: they’ll decide on their own time, don’t pressure them. Back at Madoka’s home, she’s thinking over the Wish while Kyubey sits there, he seems to have relented on rushing their decision. Good for you, Kyubey. Hmm, he also can’t suggest wishes because it’s against the rules? 4) Kyubey cannot suggest a Wish Huh, but Madoka asks if just wishing to become a Magical Girl would work. And rather for power for its own sake, Madoka… or maybe it is for its own sake? Aw, Madoka’s doing the “I’m not smart or talented” thing that young Protagonists do. Wait, you’re comparing yourself to Mami? Madoka, don’t do that, Mami’s a full-fledged MG and you’re still a Muggle, of course you’re going to seem ‘lesser’ compared to that. Give it time! But this is an interesting view, the Protagonist simply wanting to be like someone she admires. Wait, “you’d be much more powerful than Mami”? We’re talking about the ‘kill witches with a single shot’ girl here, right, not some other Mami? But it depends on what kind of wish she makes? And he can’t tell how large of a Soul Gem Madoka would summon? Protagonist powers, ho! Yeah, “never met another girl with such enormous potential as you”. If this means that Madoka will be measurably stronger than Mami, then this is going to be amazing. Wait, interruption of ‘Super Special Protagonist Talk’ by Father, seems Mother is… drunk out of her mind. Wow, didn’t think she was a drinker, and based on Madoka’s reaction this is way too common. Character flaw, nice job on fleshing out Madoka’s family, PMMM! Now this is a lovely family; put the drunk Mother to bed, then the Father and Daughter enjoy a late-night hot chocolate. Futher characterization of the Mother as they discuss how she likes to try her best, and that emerges as a fearsome work drive. “While she may not be living a dream, they way she is living is ideal to her.” More philosophy! And good philosophy for an early Protagonist who’s uncertain about where her life will go with these magical discoveries.

Hey Mami, what’s up? Going hunting on your own tonight? Or just visiting a fountai- HOLY CRAP HOMURA. Where the hell did you come from? Oh, are you really trying the “you’re involving innocents in our dispute” gambit? You’re the one who threatened Madoka’s family, you do not get to try and claim moral high ground. And as Mami said, they’re MG potentials, they can see the danger. Ok, now you’re ticking me off, Homura. “You’re trying to lead them so that they want to be magical girls”? Lead nothing, it’s the smart move! They get powers, they get a Wish, and whatever danger a Witch poses is much better handled by three than one. And since you refuse to team up… Aha, Madoka was namedropped. So you can sense her Protagonist Potential like Kyubey? Oh, and Mami can sense it as well. Dang, the sound and lighting in this ‘conversation’ is top notch, as civil as it sounds you’re really getting the sense of two powerful magic users facing eachother down. ...wow, that was a blow, Mami. Calling out Homura for being afraid someone stronger than her will show up, saying that’s how a bullied child thinks. Yeah, Homura did not like that. Yeah, Mami is fed up with Homura’s attitude. “You don’t want to fight? Then make sure we don’t meet again.” Definitely getting more direct in the conversation, but given this girl threatened Madoka, tried to kill Kyubey, and has refused all offers of charity and partnership, there’s really nothing more that Mami can do. Yup, Homura’s pissed. She knows she’s weaker, doesn’t want to share, and only stands to fall further behind if things keep up. I’m worried she’s going to try something drastic. (See theory of her summoning Giant Winged Thing) The next day! Sayaka’s visiting the hospital again, or not? Ok, she went to try and visit Kamijo, but has just met up with Madoka and Kyubey in the waiting room, seems he was preoccupied. Well this is a hospital Sayaka, I’d think he has surgeries or whatnot to do occasionally. Why did you stop, Madoka? Oh crap that’s a Grief Seed. That’s a Grief Seed, at a hospital, and it’s about to hatch. This is the worst place one could show up- Wait. This really is the worst place one could show up. A hospital full of sick or injured people, including Sayaka’s friend/crush? Discovered just as it’s about to hatch by the two non-MGs? And it looks like it’s stuck in the pillar… Oh Homura you bitch. Is this really how low you will go, planting witches to try and scare off or remove the competition? That’s it, you are officially on my List. Ok, they need to get Mami here now, if not sooner. But… they don’t have Mami’s number? Ok, then can they use Kyubey to telepath her? No, seems they can’t do that. So Madoka will have to go find her (hopefully she’s at her apartment) while Sayaka stays behind. Sayaka that is a terrible idea, you aren’t prepared to face a labyrinth. Ah there we go! That’s better, have Kyubey stay with Sayaka so when Madoka and Mami get within telepath range they can stay in touch, if Sayaka ends up in the labyrinth. And if worst comes to worst, then Sayaka can ask a Wish and get her powers, better than being stuck in there on her own as a Muggle. Still, I hope that Mami gets here soon. Madoka’s off to find Mami, and ok guess the Seed is hatching now, Sayaka and Kyubey have vanished. And we’re in trippy Witch Land again! Huh, this one seems much more hospital themed than the last one. So the Labyrinth designs change based on the location? Cool! Sayaka and Kyubey are going into the labyrinth, and Kyubey’s suggesting what I did, that if she decided on a Wish then he could make her a Magical Girl. Well, unless there’s some time required for the contract to form, as long as they aren’t at immediate risk I’d motion for patience here, Mami should be here soon to take over. Oh hey, they’re at the Seed already. It hasn’t hatched? Oh, so the labyrinth forms first, then the Seed hatches. So they’ve got more time then. Sayaka’s showing patience as well, seems the earlier conversation on thinking over a Wish sunk in. Later, Mami and Madoka have shown up to the site, and they’ve opened up the gate and can contact Kyubey now. They’re ok for now, Sayaka even claims boredom. But since large amounts of magic could disturb the egg, Mami and Madoka are going to go on foot to catch up. Stealth over speed, got it. Back in Hospital Land (huh, I’m seeing a lot of cookies and cakes now, what’s with that?), Mami is guiding Madoka along, while admonishing Sayaka for taking such a risk. But she does admit it was a clear-headed call. Good to see that Sayaka is getting some tactical sense, always nice to see characters develop traits. Now they ca Homura. We don’t have time to deal with you, Dark Magical Girl. And you do not get to claim this “prey”, not when I know what you did! And like hell are we going to let you be alone with Kyubey and non-MG Sayaka. Yes, thank you Mami! Don’t waste any time, just detain her and move on. There’s a witch to go kill. “This witch is not like the others!” Gee, I wonder how you know that? Seriously, just shut up Homura, Mami has to go and clean up your mess. Ok, with the others keeping an eye on the Seed and Homura tied up, things should be calm enough for a conversation. Madoka’s taking the chance to discuss the Wish with Mami- oh, you’ve thought of one? But you’re worried that it might be naive, so you’ll run it by the MG. Good, that’s a safe call. Aw, Madoka’s giving her “I’m no used to anyone and have to bother others for help” deal. Madoka, you are stronger than you know, you’re the Protagonist. But it’s sweet that her concern is over not being able to help others- Ah, I think I know how to describe it now. It’s not “Power for its own sake”, it’s “Power for others' sakes.” Yes, good for you Madoka! That is the kind of unambiguous heroine we can all support. Madoka’s describing how she saw Mami fighting for others, and that she knew that was what she wanted. And given the possibility that she could do the same thing- Um. Mami does not look happy. So all Madoka wants is to become a Magical Girl, to have the power to help others. That is her Dream. Which kind of makes the Wish superfluous. And Mami just let go of her hand. Uh oh. Mami, please don’t dampen this, Precious Protagonist is Precious. Well, Mami is correct, having the powers is a burden, she’ll be at risk of injury and will have complications regarding a ‘normal’ life. But Madoka doesn’t mind, she thinks that highly of Mami! Mami. Mami no. You are absolutely worth looking up to. You fight to protect others. You’ve endured such hardship and still try to use your powers for good. You have saved lives. But I get it. You’re scared, you have no one to really talk to. You’ve been alone from the time of the crash to now. (Feels) Madoka: “But you’re not alone any more, Mami.” (Feeeeeels) Aw no, please don’t cry Mami, this is… this is… oh wow. Ok, I know that they’re on a mission, that Sayaka and Kyubey are waiting for them, that a hospital is at risk, but… this is adorable. This is sweet. Mami and Madoka talking right now… That’s it, I give in. I apologize to whom it may offend, but I ship it. Mami, who’s shown incredible power but has been alone all this time? Madoka, the uncertain Protagonist who will one day come into her own? I really like this, the two of them working together. (Don’t worry Sayaka, you’ve got your crush. Although I can see her poking fun at these two on future missions. Hee!) Ok, after the adorableness they’re setting back on track, but Madoka does still have a Wish, even if she ‘just’ wants to be a MG. Hah! That’s one way to make her think about it, give her until the witch is defeated or they’ll use it for a cake. To celebrate their becoming a magical girl duo! (Yeah, I ship this! No stopping this boat!) Whoops! I guess the witch finally got tired of waiting, the Seed is going to hatch! Time for subtlety is over, bring it on Creeps! Ok, now Mami’s just showing off, with all those dancing moves and twirling of rifles. Awesome, they caught up with Sayaka and Kyubey. Here comes the witch! … what. No seriously, what? That’s the witch? That’s a doll. Aaand Mami just knocked its chair out from under it. Oh, I get it. Newly-hatched witch, going to be weaker before it feeds. Looks like they got there just in time! Batter up! And the doll goes flying! Barely dodges a few shots before slumping to the ground, and Mami just executes it. Time for the finishing move? “Tiro Finale!” And the witch is Wait no, something just came out. A Clown Worm? Oh, so the witch has a second form. Ok, just wait what what just happened Um. The ribbons that were holding Homura just vanished. So… Mami released the spell, decided to let Homura fight the second stage with her? Why are you not WHAT

WHAT THE HELL Mami is being held from the top of the screen, she’s twitching, her uniform just dispelled and she just fell down. Mami fell down and the worm is… the worm is eating I can hear it eating Madoka. Madoka and Sayaka don’t look just get out run run now Yes, thank you Kyubey! Make the contract now, you have to do it! Stop watching and make the damn contract oh hell the worm is looking up, it sees them. Homura. Homura just… do something, don’t It just ate Homura. I don’t know, what the hell. Wait, it missed? It keeps on missing, or she’s just barely dodging. And now the worm is exploding? Whatever Homura’s doing the worm is getting hit, and I think the worm is finally down. But now she’s walking towards the girls. There was a clink. The witch’s Grief Seed just fell and shattered a teacup. Mami. “Burn this sight into your minds. This is what it means to be a magical girl.” The labyrinth is collapsing, the four are back at the hospital. Homura, you NO Put that Seed down, Homura! Mami died for it, you do not get to swoop in and and No fuck that you do not get to have that Seed just because you’re a Magical Girl. You don’t Homura’s gone. Kyubey is sitting there. Sayaka and Madoka are crying. I… Uh, the credits are here, and the song changed? I… I think this is the same music from the Dream. Staticky Madoka is walking along past other staticky forms That’s Mami. That’s Mami’s silhouette. The episode end still has the flute music and an picture of Madoka in her uniform and Kyubey. “Mami… was truly a kind-hearted person. To make us really understand what kind of resolve we’d need in order to fight...she...Miracles and Magic are real.” ...I’m going to take some time to process this. I will try to be more coherent later.

#yup it's that episode #wmtw #where my twin watches #ranubis #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm 3

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baekthecorgi · 6 years

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queen’s greatest hits (mark) genre: fluff, roadtrip au warning: sexual tension words: 2.7k words summary: mark loves queen, but mark loves you more.

T'was the eve of Mark’s nineteenth birthday, yet here he was, eagle spread on the bed. His snores echo across his man cave, loud enough to wake the dead. For the past few days, a stack of paperwork bombarded your boyfriend, as well as lengthy essays and researches. Heck, this is the first time you’ve seen Mark barely alive and breathing. It just so happened that he was fast asleep. Mark lets out a low whine as he shifts to a more comfortable position. You know he’s had a rough week.

It’s not everyday fate takes Mark’s side.

Pulling out an air horn from your knapsack, you curse Donghyuck’s name under your breath. The kid suggested this idea in the first place. (Not that you really complained. You found it to be hilarious, too. Great minds think alike?)

A deafening sound blares through the air when you harshly press the button down. The sheets instantly scramble to the side as Mark awakens from his sleep, meeting the floor face first. Donghyuck and Renjun let out a cackle on the other side of the door when they hear the loud thud and Mark shouting a confused, “What the fuck?!”

“Good morning?” You greet him, innocently dropping the air horn.

He glances at the clock. 10:38PM was flashing in red, bold figures. Mark was still confused.

Mark’s expression immediately lights up at the sight of you. It’s as if an air horn wasn’t blown and a week’s worth of fatigue was lifted off his shoulders.

He asks, “What’s happening?”

You draw out his car keys then toss it to your boyfriend who was now kneading the back of his head from the fall. “More like, what’s gonna happen,” you correct him.

His puzzled face made you want to reach out and pinch his cheeks. “There’s exactly one hour and twenty-two minutes till you turn nineteen, babe.”

“And?”

“We’re going on an adventure,” you chirp, enthusiastically, “A road trip.”

Mark takes a double look at the clock then to his girlfriend. His girlfriend who appears rather rushed with your half-assed bun, a Queen’s t-shirt merch, a pair of khakis and why the hell did you enter his room still in your red Converse? What the hell, you’re angelic even under low lights so he lets you slide this time.

“Got you, babe,” He replies, standing up. He gives you a sly wink and throws a crisp black shirt over his head.

It sent you straight to your grave.

[Track 1: Another One Bites The Dust]

Mark Lee really is the dorkiest (read: sweetest) boyfriend in the world.

You’ve always let this thought leave the premises of your mind whenever he occasionally gives in to your PDA antics. And, hear me out, Mark Lee was smooth as hell when he’s in the mood to flirt. Well, aren’t you a lucky young lady?

Nope, you think to yourself.

He opens the compartment, taking another pair of sunglasses for you and a Queen’s Greatest Hits CD. Mark carefully withdraws the CD and slips it into the radio player. A few funky beats drop as the intro of Another One Bites The Dust plays.

“Seriously, babe? At this time? In this economy?”

You’re starting to doubt your taste in men.

Mark slides a pair of black sunglasses on. He rams the keys roughly, you think it’d be jagged the morning after. The engine revs as he steps on the gas, thick, grey smoke exuding from the exhaust of the Mustang.

Mark likes to think he’s one of the cool college kids, as per Donghyuck’s words.

(“Mark wears sunglasses in the evening. He thinks it’s cool. Is that stupid or is that stupid?” Donghyuck mentions, popping a fry in his mouth. “We all know you’re the cool one in this relationship.”

“Says who?” Mark’s eyebrows furrow. He hastily opens the ketchup packet, squirting some on his sweater.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, directing your attention to your boyfriend’s now ruined sweater. He has a point.

His best friend was always third wheeling in your dates. He says it saves him money being a broke college student. Let’s just say Mark’s protests were completely ignored by the younger. This is what makes them the dynamic duo, you think.)

Mark loves his Mustang. Especially since the boy has an old soul, constantly collecting CDs from the past. But, Queen. Queen was a whole different story. It was the thing that made the both of you instantly connect.

He waits impatiently for you to slip on the sunglasses he handed but you refused. Have you mentioned how much Mark’s playful pouts melt your insides?

“Please put it on,” You neglected his request, eyes cast on the headlights, stretching the parking lot.

“It’s almost my birthday.”

You throw your hands in defeat before wearing the tacky sunglasses. Mark winces at the bite of your words. “You owe me one.”

“Hey, you said I’m the one in charge tonight,” Mark states, a matter-of-factly to which you rolled your eyes on. You did promise him that.

“Can you even see clearly through the sunglasses, Mark?” You question, annoyance lacing your voice. But you did it to imply something else if he even remembers it.

“No,” Mark says, embarrassed. He proceeds on switching his cool sunglasses with your favorite gold-rimmed circular glasses of his.

“That’s what I thought.”

Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

[Track 3: Don’t Stop Me Now]

Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a real good time I feel alive

Tall city buildings zoom past your line of vision. The air is kinda stuffy inside the Mustang but there’s enough room for you to breathe. Mark notices your uneven breathing. He rolls his window down, making you mimic his action.

Mark didn’t like his windows rolled down but you were quite the spectacle. The cold city breeze plays with the strands of your hair. Streetlights color your face as you tuck your chin on top of your elbow, leaning your torso towards the window.

Honestly, you don’t know where you were going. It just occurred to you that a road trip with your man was the best option for tonight’s event. Needless to say, you and Mark were going nowhere, but it’s fine. As long as Mark’s by your side, everything’s perfect.

“Hey, babe?” Mark calls out, eyes shifting between you and the road. He places a hand on your thigh, thumb rubbing indefinite shapes on it.

I’m driving at the speed of light I wanna make a supersonic world out of you

Soon enough, the Mustang was zooming through an empty highway. You hum in response, too amazed at the view before you. The skyscrapers were no more as they were now replaced with lines of trees and a hazy, picturesque mountain at a distance.

“Don’t lean too much, you might fall.” He reminds before continuing, “I can’t afford you falling somewhere else. The only one you’re falling for is me.”

“Oh, s-shut up!” Mark bursts out laughing hearing your stuttering, abashed.

You hide the blush forming, throwing the air horn towards his direction. Mark dodges the can, squaring straight through the driver’s window. Risky, yes, but what’s more dangerous is Donghyuck finding out you lost his air horn.

[Track 5: You’re My Best Friend]

11:56PM, it read.

Mark takes a sharp right turn. Eventually, the Mustang slows down to a stop at the side of the road. He waits for at least five minutes for any vehicle to pass by. Fortunately, there were none so he guides you out of the Mustang. You’re My Best Friend starts to blast from the speakers. Mark turns the volume louder and lets the night air rush inside the Mustang – doors wide open.

Ooh, you make me live Whatever this world can give to me

“Finally!” You shout, stretching your limbs in all directions. “My ass was burning.”

“Your ass is nice, babe. It has always been so quit whining like a baby.” You raise a brow at his bold choice of words. Very unlikely of Mark. He checks his watch.

“We have a minute left before midnight.” Mark leads you down the middle of the road then lies down on the asphalt.

Ooh, I’ve been wandering around But I still come back to you

Baffled, you examine your boyfriend’s sanity, “Why are we doing this exactly?”

Mark shows you the ugly green glow of his digital watch (12:00AM, it read). He retorts, “Because it’s my birthday.”

“Stop using your birthday as an excuse for everything.”

Mark props an elbow on the ground and faces your direction. “First of all, it’s a valid excuse you can’t resist.”

“Second of all?”

“That’s it.”

“Ugh, dork. Fine.” You groan, puffing out your cheeks to which Mark had the audacity to pinch when you lied down beside him. He was fortunate you didn’t bite his finger.

You didn’t miss out the way he singsonged a cute “I love you”.

As soon as your back meets the asphalt, it roughly prickles the skin on your back. You were suddenly mesmerized at the wide expanse of the night sky, twinkling back at you. Your words are stuck in your throat, unable to voice out your complaints.

I’ve been with you such a long time

“So, can you spot the brightest star?” You wonder, pointing at the sky full of stars.

You hear nothing from your boyfriend. You hope he wasn’t dozing off. Turning your head, you find Mark ogling at you instead of staring at the natural phenomenon above you. His eyes were full of adoration and deep down, reassurance. And you’re suddenly reminded why you chose to love Mark.

You’re my sunshine and I want you to know

“Hi,” Mark whispers in a hushed tone. “I love you.”

It was like he was too scared someone else might hear his words even if you’re both alone. At midnight. In the middle of a road. Somewhere. But declaring his love for you was the loudest sound in the vicinity no matter how hushed his tone was.

“Hi,” you reply, “I love you, too. Happy birthday.”

That my feelings are true I really love you

Mark radiates a warm smile. He always does. It was warm enough to make you forget the asphalt and chilly air prickling through your shirt.

“What happens if a car runs us down?”

“Then we die together.”

“Real romantic, Mark Lee.”

“Wanna make out in the car?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

[Track 7: Bicycle Race]

“God, you’re so wild tonight,” Mark says, trying to catch his breath. His hands rest at your waist, casually playing at the hem of your white shirt.

Being on top of Mark was a sight to die for. His hair was fluffy and disheveled that you had to fight the urge to card your fingers through his raven locks. Mark stares a bit longer than expected, his pupils full-blown and red lips attractively swollen.

“Well, it’s your birthday, you’re my boyfriend AND Queen’s playing in the background, so why the fuck not?”

“My dream girl.” Mark jokingly clutches his chest, earning a light punch from you. He doesn’t miss the sudden flush powdering your cheeks.

I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike I want to ride it where I like

“Why is Bicycle Race suggestive?” You plaster an impish grin. Being a true fanatic that he is, Mark catches the song’s subtle implication.

“That’s Queen for you, baby,” he replies against your lips. Nonchalance laces his voice as if the situation wasn’t heated enough.

You catch the spark of mischief in his eyes gleaming back at you. Sultry looks are shot by your boyfriend but were latent behind his silly grin. Or was it a smirk? You didn’t know. Mark controls his raging hormones so well, you’d be lying if you didn’t say you’re in awe.

The birthday boy tucks a few strands of stray hair behind your ear before diving in for another round of kisses (read: make-out session).

[Track 9: We Will Rock You]

You learn that We Will Rock You was a strong aphrodisiac for Mark.

You remember Mark telling you it was part of his bucket list to make-out with the rock song playing in the background, but it never occurred to you that it was true.

The guitar solo shreds and suddenly, Mark is hungrier.

The kiss was messy and sloppy, teeth-clashing but just enough tongue to extract tempting moans from your lips. Sweat rolls down the side of Mark’s temples. You knew Mark was beautiful but whenever you’re under your boyfriend, he looked ethereal and a million times hotter. His hips were the definition of sin, grinding in perfect synch with yours.

Mark loves locking his lips on the expanse of your neck. You were sure red and purple flowers were blooming just above your collarbone. Mark was quite the artist.

“Fuck,” he would mumble, breaking the kiss whenever the bulge painfully confined in his jeans hit the right angle.

Mark bites his lips, failing to prevent low, throaty groans spilling from his mouth. And just by those sounds, you weren’t sure if you were seeing stars or Mark was just driving you crazy.

It’s actually both.

[Track 10: Bohemian Rhapsody]

The car screeches to a stop as Mark shifts the gear to neutral before pulling up the handbrake. Under Pressure was still playing with a minute left on the track.

The Mustang was still in the middle of nowhere. Nowhere near the city but somewhere else enough to be found. A few more hours and the sun was ready to paint the horizon with its pastel hues.

The adrenaline lingers, fizzling in his system when he glances at you messily mouthing the lyrics of the song. It was always an adrenaline-filled adventure whenever Mark was with you. And he sure as hell loves spending some quality time with you. Besides, you’re the only adventure Mark needs in this lifetime despite Donghyuck’s continuous teases of Mark’s boring adventures (or lack thereof). It takes a few seconds for you to notice the car has stopped and a certain someone was shooting you a thousand heart eyes from across the driver’s seat.

Turning your head, Mark feels his breath hitch. How many times must you render the birthday boy breathless tonight?

“I love you,” Mark breathes. “I really love you.”

Mark has a way with his words that just makes your heart flutter like a thousand butterflies. A light giggle emits from your throat. “I really love you, too, dumb ass.”

Mark presses a long, warm kiss on your lips. It wasn’t like the one earlier – rushed and needy. You smiled into the kiss. His cherry lips molded perfectly with yours, gently, carefully moving as if you were a fragile flower under his touch. Mark was the first to break the kiss, immediately snuggling up on your chest like someone was gonna take his favorite spot.

The strands of his jet black hair tickled your nose, readjusting your baby boy (yes, you read that right, baby boy) to make both of your positions comfy.

“Hyuck was right,” you tell him, making Mark look up at you. “You really are a man-child.”

“Yeah right,” Mark scoffs. “You love me, though.”

He intertwines his fingers with yours, spaces fitting exactly with his as if they were meant to be placed there. Sometimes, Mark the type of boyfriend who’s allergic to all kinds of affection but most of the time, out of the public’s eyes, he’s this baby wanting and craving your affection.

“Happy birthday, Mark.”

Mark closes his eyes and focuses on the pattern of your breathing. Calmness fills the night as your chest gradually rises up and down with the music. Bohemian Rhapsody starts to play as you thread your fingers through Mark’s soft tresses with your free hand.

He hears the faint thumping of your heartbeat against your chest and Freddie Mercury singing melodiously to the lyrics.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Gazing up at your eyes closed, head resting back, and silently listening to the 70s classic in the background, Mark understands.

Mark decides that the mellow beat of your heart is his new Bohemian Rhapsody – his favorite song.

note: im VERY busy with school ;; this is the first time i’ve written since summer rip my tumblr blog hsjfhjsd i missed mark’s birthday so this is kinda like my super late birthday gift for him. also, you guys are awesome omg 500+ followers tysm!! this was actually based on this post but i altered it a lot to fit the theme.

i was actually thinking of making hyuck’s version but with ABBA. i think it’ll fit him a lot tbh. tell me if ya want the rest of nct’s version hehe ;)

i hope yall liked this treat!!! (mark is a snack in black hair umff) pls send feedbacks and listen to Queen sjkfhsd

masterlist | twitter

#nct scenarios #mark lee #nct mark #nct imagines #mark lee scenarios #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u scenarios #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct u imagines #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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emberpendragon · 3 years

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My Perfect house!

My perfect house would be out of the way, not too far from the nearest town but far enough where I do not have many neighbors. If you were going to come and visit my house, you would need to go down this long and winding back road that cuts through the Minnesota forest. At some point you would see a small wooden mailbox in the shape of a fairy house! That is your turn.

My driveway would be black asphalt that also cut through the trees. Though if you look up the summer green canopy shades your car from the sun. The Asphalt would have many different plants on each side, lining the driveway. After a minute or so of driving the trees would give way to a large clearing where my house would be. The first thing you would see is the drive way coming to a large circle in the middle of the clearing. In the middle of the circle there would be a large willow tree greeting you as you come to visit.

To the left of the driveway there would be a large four car garage that is separate from the house. This would be where my Fiance and ! hold all of our cars in the summer, when it is prime motorcycle season. In the winter it would hold our bikes in its climate controlled interior so that they will be all set for the next spring.

On the right side of the driveway but down the clearing a bit there would be two rather large pole barns. These would be where my fiance and our roommate would have their toys. The barn on the left would be our roommates where he would store all of his tools and have more than enough space to hang out, chill and work on his vehicles. Plus, he would also have space to work on any other project he might be interested in.

My fiancee’s pole barn would be filled with all of his toys. He would have his professional wrestling ring of course and all the equipment needed to hold a show if he wanted to. He would also have his boats and his four wheelers. Basically anything he could want would be in this pole barn until he uses it.

Finally though, after seeing the large green pasture and the prime storage locations, your car would turn to follow the circle of the driveway. You would finally be able to see the house that was covered by the tree. The house would be two stories tall, and rather long for a house. It would have a four car garage connected to it and a beautiful front porch. On the second floor there is a balcony that uses the roof of the porch for it’s floor.

The house itself would be a beautiful light gray color with some dark gray accent. It would be covered in beautiful vines that I have planted around it. The front porch is complete with a swing with a table upon each side. There are plants hanging off the railings of both the porch and the baloney up above. There are also hanging plants hanging down from the ceiling of the porch. Around the border of the house there would be evergreen trees on each corner with various kinds of plants around the walls.

Opening the garage first you would see that the garage has enough space for four cars. But by design there are only three cars calling it home. In the fourth stop there are a couple comfy couches, a durable coffee table and a rather large tv that we can use if we just want to chill outside for some reason. It does get very nice in the summer after all. But other than a few posters and some various decorations the garage walls are bare. Only holding the vehicles it needs to.

Entering the house through the garage door, you would come to the entryway. This is also where you would be if you came in through the front door. This entryway would be a warm tan color that would feel like home. The coat closet would always have enough space for more coasts to visit. There would be a chest/bench for you to sit on in order to take off your shoes and a small table to hold whatever you need to put down for the time being. It would have a gorgeous victorian style rug to get your shoes on before going deeper within the home.

Looking in toward the home you would see a staircase going up to the right, right up against the wall. Next to the first stair case there would be another one headed down this time though. On either side of the staircases there are open spaces where you would be able to explore the first level of the house.

Walking up to the staircases and looking right first you would see a beautiful very modern kitchen. The appliances would be black and the granite countertops would be black and grey. The cupboards and drawers would be a light gray and it would all come together with a small bit of white accent. In the middle of the kitchen would be a large island, on the one side of it there are stools so that if you wish you could each in the kitchen. In the middle of the island there would be an elegant black fruit bowl filled to the brim. The kitchen would be stocked with every kind of small appliance i would need for cooking or baking purposes.

Walking into the kitchen and turning to your left you would also see the connected dining room. The barror of the two rooms would be a large elegant archway separating the cool modern kitchen from the elegant rustic dining room. The floors of the dining room would be real wood and covered by another victorian style rug. The table would be a beautiful rose colored oak wood with matching chairs that have maroon cushions tied to them. There would be a matching maroon table runner and a centerpiece showing class in the middle. The walls would have paintings depicting beautiful forest scenes and maybe an animal or two.

After entering the dining room, if you turned yet again to your left you would see a hallway that snakes behind the stairs. This hallway would be a light gray color with a thick comfy carpet. On the wall that it shares with the stars there would be a long thin table with a couple house plants and some nicknacks. Above that there would be a couple pictures of us and maybe some pieces of art. On the other side of the hallway is the back door that leads you to the back deck, but we will talk about that later.

Down the hallway to the left completes the circle. There is an open arch way that leads to the first floor living room. Walking into the classy room I have created for when my more high class friends come to visit, there is another open archway to the left that leads back into the entryway. Looking at this room from the hallway there is a window on the other side that looks out onto the front porch. There is a table in front of this window that holds the record/cd/tape player that is also a bluetooth speaker. Below that is a storage case holding all of our records/cds and tapes. The walls of this living room is covered in white bookcases holding a variety of books and nick nacks. To the right of the room is a real wood brick fireplace. In the middle of the room is a black and grey victorian style rug. Two white couches with gray throw pillows and blankets sit on the rug with a glass coffee table with a seashell centerpiece in the middle of them. Matching glass end tables are on either side of the couches with elegant lamps stationed on top of them. Behind each of the couches are black wood tables holding pictures and house plants.

Down the hallway a little further, on the right side, is a full bathroom that is ocean themed. The walls are ocean blue with various ocean themed art works. Seashells decorate the room. The tile on the floor is a sandy color. The shower, bathtub and toilet are a very light blue color. Matching darker blue towels are on display as well.

Further down the hallway to the left side is our roommates room. He can make that look however he wishes, i am guessing he doesn’t care too much. It does have a wonderful view of his pole barn though.

Finally at the end of the hallway is my office. I had the walls sound proofed and made sure the sound acoustics were perfect, then I painted them a lavender purple. The carpet is a royal purple and is very soft. The walls are lined with black bookshelves. These shelves hold all of my various video games, and other geeky things that I enjoy. To the left of the room in the far corner I have a large L shaped deck. On the outside of the desk it is lined with more smaller book shelves. These shelves hold one of every gaming system that had ever come out. On the small side of the L shaped desk is where my two rounded desk monitors are that I use for youtube. On the corner of the desk is another large flat monitor I use for everything else. Everything from my consoles to my monitors are all expertly connected to my state of the art gaming pc that is locked in a metal box underneath the desk. The long side of the desk is open for various art projects or whatever else I might need space for. The open area of the room is used for virtual reality games for my youtube channel. The walk in closet however is a different story.

The closet I use for my religious purposes. It is a large walk-in closet that is six feet by seven feet. I took out all of the hookes and such and painted the whole thing purple, it was also sound proofed. At the far end of the closet is a desk that holds my permanent wiccan altar. The walls are lined with bookshelves. These bookshelves are filled with various wiccan/witch books and supplies so that I can practice the craft.

Moving upstairs there is another living room right when you get to the top of the stairs. This loving room is more modern. It has large black leather couches that let each spot recline. There is no coffee table, just a big comfy rug in the middle of the room. There are dark wood side tables with matching lamps on each end of the couches. On the Wall to the right is a huge nindy inch flat screen tv. This is where my fiancee would have his watch parties for his various sports events that he and his friends enjoy.

To the left is a hallway, and the first door in the hallway is on the Left and is another bathroom. This bathroom however would be one that I let my fiance decorate. I am guessing it would be football/ basketball/ wrestling themed. Maybe it would be Dragon Ball themed, who can say really?

Down the hallway a little more and to the right is a room that is also my fiances. That room would be his office where he can work on his wrestling things or do basically whatever he wants in there. I also have no idea what that would look like or if he even wants an office… it might just be a guest bedroom i let him decorate.

The second to last door in the hallway is on the left side, this is where the guest bedroom would be. It would have a large king sized bed with light blue comforter. The walls would be a light green and the carpet a dark green to give off a summer vibe. There would be an oak dresser that would also hold a sixty inch tv that has a built-in fire stick in case our guests want to watch something, or connect their video games systems in, before bed. It would have a closet as well and end tables that match the dresser. This room has the balcony that looks over the front lawn, with two lawn chairs and a table there so that they can sit outside if they wish. A large sliding glass door covered by dark green curtains leads to this balacy. This room would be the room that we would change into a nursery should we ever need it.

Finally at the end of this hallway is the master bedroom. This is where my fiance and I stay. The room itself is rather large, though we do not have a lot of stuff in it. The walls themselves would be a light grey with black fluffy carpet. Resting against the middle of the far wall would be our california king bed sitting on a nice dark oak bed frame. Marching end tables on either side would have lamps that we can use along with places for us to charge our various devices. Across from the bed would be a large nindy inch tv mounted on a swivel mount on the wall. Below that would be an entertainment system that has various gaming systems and movies sorted on it.the walls have various posters of things we enjoy on them.

To the left of the room is our large walk-in closet, which is various shades of grey, that has built in cubbies and storage drawers so that there is no need for a dresser. In the middle of the closet is a large satin chair used for putting shoes on.

To the right of the entertainment system is our large master bathroom that is various shades of lavender and purple. There are two sinks with lots of counter space. The full jacuzzi tub is built out of lavender marble and the full waterfall shower is a darker purple.

On the right wall is a large glass sliding glass door with black curtains on it that leads to our own balcony. Our balcony has two reclining chairs that look over the back yard. The railing of this balacy is also covered with various plants.

Going down the stairs twice you will reach our basement. Now while our basement is finished it is only one very small room and one very large room. At the bottom of the stairs straight ahead is a door that leads to the small laundry room. To the left of that door is the door that leads to the gaming room.

When you open the door you are greeted by a multitude of arcade games. In fact, the first half of this large room is just lined with arcade games and a circle of them in the middle. Past those you reach where we are usually hanging out. To the Left of the room is a large full bar that is stocked with all of our favorites. In the middle you see a pool table and to the right on the wall is a dar board.

Finally at the far end of the room is our gaming center. There are three desks on the left wall that each hold a PC gaming setup for each of us. On the right wall are three nindy inch tvs that are mounted to the walls for each of us and entertainment systems underneath them. There is a comfy black leather gaming couch that faces the tvs in the middle of the room. Behind the couch are shelves that hold a mini fridge and various snacks. On the end wall there are most of my fiance's funkos out on display with others in many places elsewhere in this room as well. On the ceiling are various posters depicting the nerdy things we enjoy.

Back up the stairs and to the back door we go to see the back yard. Just right out the door you step onto our back deck. In the middle is a sitting area that has a low table in the middle and comfy chairs around it. To the left is a large outdoor table with chairs around it for eating outside. Behind that table is a smoker and a grill set up with bricks around them and easy pull over covers for the winter. To the right of the back door is a large year round hot tub that my bedroom balcony sits on top of.

Beyond the deck there is a stone path that leads you straight into the middle of the back yard where a nice stone firepit is placed with company wood chairs around it. To the left is a large full in ground pool. Next to the pool is a shed where we keep out various lawn care tools and toys.

To the right of the firepit is my greenhouse and work station. The large greenhouse is the same width and length of the boys pole barns but only about half the height. Inside the green house I grow all of the herbs I could possibly need for the craft. It also has a large shed connected to it that I use to process the herds and also make candles, ointments and other things with them. I also use the extra space to make homemade wine.

But that is my dream home, the one that I dream about often. Let me know what your dream home is?

#perfecthouse #shortstory #because why not #bored #here is me

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lets-steal-an-archive · 7 years

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Revolution takes place in a world with no electricity, which means no iPods, no CD players, no tape decks, no turntables. So it’s not easy for creator Eric Kripke to find ways to put his love of classic rock on display in the new hit post-apocalyptic show. But when the opportunity arose to feature Led Zeppelin in an upcoming episode, Kripke jumped at the chance and found a way to light up the show with a bit of rock and roll.

Tonight’s episode of Revolution features two songs by Led Zeppelin: 1970 slow jam “Since I’ve Been Loving You” and 1975 exotic, driving mega-hit “Kashmir,” which also lends its name to the episode’s title.

Getting the rights to Led Zeppelin songs is no easy feat: The British rock band very rarely licenses its music for use in Hollywood projects. (Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous, a 2001 Cadillac commercial and this year’s Argo are among the lucky few.) But Kripke was in for a pleasant surprise when record label Warner/Chappell Music reached out to him offering to license some Zep songs for his show.

To promote Celebration Day, a live album and DVD documentary that chronicles Led Zeppelin’s 2007 reunion concert out today, Warner/Chappell – a division of Warner Music Group, which until last year was owned by Time Warner – contacted the head of music at Warner Bros. Television (currently owned by Time Warner, as is EW), asking if there would be any interest in using Led Zeppelin songs in one of their series. WB TV’s head of music immediately thought of Kripke and got him connected with Warner/Chappell.

“I could be one of the biggest Led Zeppelin fans working in television,” Kripke told EW. “So it’s such a big deal to me. I’m truly not exaggerating when I say it’s one of the high points of my career.”

Kripke first heard Led Zeppelin’s music at age eight or nine, when his older brother Matt was playing his Physical Graffiti LP. “From that point onward, I was always a huge fan,” Kripke says.

When Warner/Chappell gave Kripke the opportunity to pick the original recordings of two songs on Celebration Day for Revolution, he told the record label he hoped they saw that the songs he chose were ones that a fan would pick.

He also selected “Since I’ve Been Loving You” because it had “the right energy to match” the scene. “Kashmir,” Kripke says, captures the tone of Revolution “because it’s so epic. It’s so sweeping…. The scene where we use ‘Kashmir’ -- we just blew the doors off it. We specifically chose a scene that had no dialogue.”

Last week, when the showrunner first watched a cut of the episode with the music mixed in, “we just cranked [the scene with ‘Kashmir’] so loud on those awesome mix stage speakers where you can really feel the bass,” Kripke said. “It’s a little surreal to have something happen that you’ve been wanting that much but was so sure would never happen.”

Creating a piece of entertainment backed by the music of Led Zeppelin is a dream Kripke’s had since he started working in the industry. Zeppelin has had a constant presence in his first TV show, Supernatural -- several episodes took their titles from Zeppelin song names or lyrics, main character Dean Winchester’s two favorite songs are “Ramble On” and “Travelling Riverside Blues,” and the Winchester brothers often give a nod to the band members when in disguise, introducing themselves as Agents Page and Plant -- but the show has never gotten the rights to use a song by the band.

“I’ve been hearing from some of my esteemed colleagues over at Supernatural, and I think that they’re all biting their fists with jealousy,” Kripke said. He did mention Supernatural to Warner/Chappell during conversations about licensing the Led Zeppelin songs. “I would have loved to put Led Zeppelin in there as well,” he said, “but honestly, I will take what I can get… I think they very rationally said, ‘Let’s just focus on one show at a time.’”

#from the archives #music in the narrative #pr is not showrunning #eric kripke #nbc revolution #supernatural #led zeppelin #the business of show #it hurts us still

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blacklister214 · 7 years

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Second Son Chapter 7: Lucky

I checked and apparently it has been almost a year since I’ve updated this one...so sorry about that and thanks for sticking with the story! Here’s the url for the whole story on Fanfiction.net. Enjoy!

Jacob glanced at the dashboard clock and found to his dismay He’d only been on the interstate for eleven minutes. It felt much longer. His gaze traveled to the grim-faced occupant of his passenger seat. Jacob’s stomach clenched in an unfamiliar way.

This should have been a good moment for him. It had been less than an hour since Jacob and Elizabeth Scott had left the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services and begun the drive to the girl’s home. She hadn’t argued with him, or tried to renege on their deal. In a few hours all of his efforts will have paid off and he’d be returning to Reddington’s side with his mission accomplished. This should have made him happy. He was going back to where he belonged.

Over the past few weeks Jacob had found that he missed the older man’s company. He missed Reddington’s quirky anecdotes. He missed being prodded to try some seemingly inedible dish. He missed sharing a quiet drink after a successful business negotiation. Despite wishing to return to his long-time companion however, Jacob’s feelings about leaving Nebraska were muddled.

Elizabeth Scott shifted slightly in her seat and Jacob forced himself keep his eyes on the road. He knew exactly what was wrong with him, of course. It was the girl. He was unhappy because the girl was unhappy. Why was anyone’s guess.

According to the file he’d once stolen from his social worker, Jacob had an ‘attachment disorder.’ He ‘lacked empathy’ and ‘struggled to form emotional bonds’. For the most part Jacob couldn’t argue with that assessment. Even with Dembe, the caring had come gradually. With Liz it was different. He only spent a few hours in her company and yet somehow it had been enough for him to connect with her. It was probably for the best he’d be cutting with the farm girl sooner rather than latter. If she had this effect on him now, he couldn’t imagine what would happen if he stayed.

Jacob shook himself. He couldn’t believe he’d even allowed himself to entertain the thought. Jacob Phelps, settling in Nebraska, just to be close to some girl? It was beyond ridiculous. He had to do something, distract himself from his errant thoughts.

“You okay?” Brilliant opening line. Reddington would have been so impressed with his conversational skills. Liz didn’t even bother to turn her head away from the window.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jacob’s mind flashed to Elizabeth as she’d been inside Reeves’ office. The caseworker had been jumpy when he’d passed the file into Liz’s eager hands. Jacob had forced himself to respect her privacy and not read over her shoulder. Instead he’d kept his eyes on Reeves, who he’d been concerned might pass out from the terror over breaking department policy. He’d been sweating like he’d just turned over nuclear missile codes to the Russians. They’d all sat in silence for ten minutes as Elizabeth read and re-read the documents. At last she’d stood, put the envelope on Reeves’ desk and told Jacob she was ready to go home. That was the last thing said to him in the past forty minutes.

“You seem quiet.”

“Unlike some people, I don’t talk unless I have something to say.” Jacob was silent a moment as he weighed his options. Clearly Elizabeth wasn’t eager to share her thoughts with him. On the other hand she was obviously having some kind on internal struggle. If he kept prodding she might change her mind and choose to vent to him.

“Do you regret reading the file?”

“None of your damn business.” Jacob smirked at Elizabeth’s increasingly spiky tone. If he kept going, she was definitely going to explode.

“I’m just saying if you wanted to talk about it-” Elizabeth suddenly turned to Jacob eyes flashing dangerously.

“I don’t, so stop bugging me!” Jacob glanced at his passenger’s face and registered that the expression was very similar to the one she’d wore before she’d flipped a table over and attacked him. Under ordinary circumstances he wouldn’t have minded sparring with Elizabeth Scott, but given that he was currently driving at over 60 miles per hours, now probably wasn’t the best time for a physical altercation.

“Copy that.” It was time to change tactics. Fortunately he had a plan B already in place and Liz’s comment had inspired him.

Jacob kept his left hand on the wheel of the car while his right groped for the top of the storage compartment between his and Liz’s seats. He flipped the lid open and withdrew a plastic case.

“What are you doing?”

“Putting in a CD. You clearly don’t want to talk. We have two more hours on the interstate, and radio reception tends to be unreliable.” He slide the metallic disk into the player and advanced to the fifth track. He grinned as the rapid beats blasted out the car’s speakers.

“Are you serious?” Jacob turned to her, his face a picture of innocence.

“What? I like this song.” It wasn’t a lie, technically. Admitted he’d had hadn’t been an immediately convert to Destiny’s Child, but there was something catchy about the rhythm of this track at least.

“Bullshit.” Jacob’s smile widened. If she didn’t believe that he was indeed a fan, he’d be more than happy to demonstrate for her. He started bopping his head to the music.

“I wanna put your number on the call block. Have AOL make my emails stop, cause you a bug a boo. You buggin what? You buggin who? You buggin me, and don’t you see it ain’t cool.”

As Jacob sang, he watched Liz out of the corner of his eye. He could see the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought to suppress a smile at his antics. This spurred him on to an even more impassioned performance, until finally he had her laughing.

“You’re an asshole.” There was no venom in her insult, in fact it was almost affectionate. A warm feeling washed over him, as he looked at her chuckling over his clownish behavior. He’d made her happy, if only for this brief moment. He took a strange amount of pride in that.

“Come on, you know you want to...” He nodded at the speakers.

She rolled her eyes, then began half-heartedly, “When you show up at my door you're buggin me.”

Jacob joined her, “When you open up your mouth, you're buggin me. Everytime I see your face you're buggin me, you're buggin me, you’re buggin me.”

By the time the song finished they were both in stitches. Jacob was perfectly willing to continue their car karaoke, but Liz reached out and hit the stop button on the player.

“Why’d you kill my jam?” He was genuinely confused. He had thought they were both having a good time.

“Destiny’s Child is not your jam. You got that CD because of me.” Jacob considered lying, but found he didn’t really want to. Instead he decided on the route of verbal ambiguity. It was a technique he’d learned from Reddington, who was a great fan of obscure truth.

“I noticed their poster in your bedroom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like them.” Jacob answered Liz’s sceptical look with a shrug. “It’s true. I travelled a lot growing up and the man who raised me believed in embracing a broad range of cultural experience. Have you ever heard of Tuvan throat singing?”

“No.”

“It’s impressive. These guys can sing two to four notes at a time. Of course it isn’t always melodic. At certaining points the singer can sound like they are burping for a really long time.” Jacob’s mind flitted back to the festival Reddington that dragged him and Dembe when they were 15 and 16. At one point they’d looked at each other and burst out laughing. Reddington had scolded them, but the glint in his eye had told Jacob that he hadn’t really been angry.

“You’re making this up. I bet Tuva isn’t even a real place.” He wasn’t surprised Liz hadn’t heard of it. American public education didn’t really bother with world geography, at least beyond the “big name” countries.

“It is...though now it’s called Tyva. It’s on the northern border of Mongolia.” Jacob’s seven years with Reddington had been much informative than a high school and college education would have been, at least were global knowledge was considered.

“And you’ve been there? To Tyva?”

“Yes.” They’d spent two weeks hiking, rafting, and trekking through the Sayan mountains. Jacob had appreciated the aesthetics of the landscape, but he was thrilled when they had finally returned to civilization. He could only take so much tranquillity, not to mention time away from hot showers.

“Where else have you been?”

Jacob shrugged. “A lot of places. Greece, France, South Africa, Pakistan, Papua New Guinea, Thailand, England, Argentina, Poland, Columbia-”

“You bullshitting me right now?” He could understand why it would sound far-fetched. Elizabeth was seventeen and she hadn’t yet left her home state, let alone the US. Jacob was only four years older than she was and had already visited six of the seven continents.

“I was raised by an international businessman. We travelled a lot.” Of course most of the places he’d visited hadn’t been for vacations. There’d been quite a few times they’d been crossing borders to evade police authorities and then departing immediately for a destination across the globe.

“You’re telling me, you’ve been around the world and yet you choose to set up shop, here, in Nebraska?” Jacob paused a moment, wanting to be careful with his answer. Elizabeth believed he was a local private eye hired by her father. Reddington had made it clear that no one know should know anything about his investment in the girl, including the girl herself.

“You don’t think much of your home state do you?” Liz snorted, apparently accepting his deflection for the moment.

“We both know Ohama isn’t exactly Paris.” Jacob smiled. Why was it girls were always so obsessed with Paris, like it was some romantic Mecca. The reality wasn’t quite what they imagined.

“Which frankly is a good thing. Paris smells like pee.” The horrific odor was the number one thing that tourist brochures did not advertized about the ‘City of Lights’.

“What?”

“If you’re a man it’s totally legal to urinate on the street, so the city smells like pee.” Jacob was pretty sure people peed in the streets in every city in the world, but at least in most of them it was frowned on, if not illegal.

“But it’s not legal for women?”

“I know. Sexism, am I right?” Liz laughed, then her express sobered.

“I still rather be there than here. Nebraska feels so small sometimes I can barely breath.” Despite the miles of nothing currently surrounding them, he understood what she meant. Nebraska was in many respects a nice place to live. It was scenic. It was safe. For many people it would be idyllic. Unfortunately for her, Liz clearly wasn’t ‘many people’. It was too static, too dull for someone like her. She needed a challenge, an adventure.

“Do you mind if I give you some advice, as someone who has travelled pretty much anywhere you can imagine?” Liz made a face as though she’d swallowed something sour.

“Let me guess: ‘There’s no place like home?’” Jacob smirked at the Wizard of Oz reference. Having never had a home, he was in no position to assess the veracity of that statement.

“No. Traveling is great, but where you go doesn’t matter nearly so much as who you go with.” Jacob thought of Reddington, Dembe, and Mr. Kaplan. Any memory of wonder, discovery, or joy that he’d possessed had been with one or all them beside him.

“You really love them, don’t you?” Jacob glanced over at Liz sharply, “Your brother and foster Dad.” Love? Liz threw out that word like it was so simple. It wasn’t, at least not for him.

“I’d have nothing without them. I’d be nothing without them.” If Jacob had never met Reddington he would have probably spent his life on the streets, until the police eventually caught him. Then it would have been off to Juvie for him. He wouldn’t have met Dembe. He would have grown up alone, with no one caring if he lived or died.

“I get that. Sam is...my whole world.” Jacob felt a wave of mutual understanding pass between them. As different as their childhoods had been, they both knew what it was to be saved.

“You’re lucky. We both are.”

“You never finished the story about your brother. What happened after he threw you into the dresser and cracked your skull?” Jacob was surprised she remembered what he’d said to her in the waiting room, let alone was interested in hearing more. Even more astonishing was that he wanted to tell her. He let his mind drift back to the day that had changed the course of his life.

The address on Dembe’s card didn’t belong to a doctor’s office or a clinic. Instead he found himself sitting in basement of a Brooklyn brownstone. There was medical equipment, and what appeared to be a patient table, but somehow Jacob doubted that this practice was listed in the phone book. That probably wasn’t a bad thing. Reddington clearly had money, and he wouldn’t have instructed Dembe to use this physician if the man didn’t know what he was doing. A competent doctor willing to overlook legal restrictions was a good acquaintance to have.

“You’ve been to this guy before?” Dembe nodded once. Jacob waited a moment before determining his babysittee wasn’t planning to elaborate.

“Why?”

“I was unwell.” Before Jacob had a chance to deliver a sarcastic retort, the door opened and a large bearded man strode in. Dembe stood immediately and extended his hand in greeting.

“Dr. Koslov.” The bearded giant laughed, crossed the room in two bounds, and seized the offered limb.

“Dembe, my fine lad. It is good to see you looking so robust. Mr. Reddington was right when he claimed you had a strength many growth men would envy. Your recovery is nothing short of miraculous. I am confused to see you here alone, without him. He is well I trust?” The man’s English was perfect, but his ascent was definitely foreign. Definitely eastern European.

“Yes, he is well, but Jacob is not.” The doctor turned his attention toward Jacob, who pulled off his cap.

“Come here, boy.” Jacob complied and the man began removing the bandages Dembe had wound around his head. Jacob winced as Koslov inspected his head wound.

“You are fortunate. I think we can get away with two staples. I assume this will go on Mr. Reddington’s account?” Dembe opened his mouth to speak, but Jacob cut him off.

“Actually no, I’d like to cover this myself...assuming we keep this visit between us.” Dembe’s face darkened with disapproval.

“You should not ask Dr. Koslov to lie to Raymond.” Jacob shoot a return glare toward Dembe.

“I’m not asking him to lie, just to not to volunteer the information. That’s covered in patient confidentiality, isn’t it?” Jacob twisted his head to check the doctor’s expression.

“For ordinary doctors, yes, however I am not an ordinary doctor, nor is Mr. Reddington an ordinary patient.” Jacob’s stomach sunk. Of course this guy was in Reddington’s pocket. He should never had come here.

“So you won’t do it?” The doctor studied Jacob’s face for a moment before sighing.

“Given that the injury isn’t too serious and that you are not Mr. Reddington’s ward, I’m willing to hold my tongue on two conditions: 1) You can pay me the $500 fee and 2) You can convince Dembe to likewise maintain his silence. I’ll give you a few minutes alone to discuss it.”

Jacob waited until Koslov had left the room before turning to Dembe. Everybody had a price, Jacob just needed to find his. “How much is going to take to keep you quiet? $100? $200?” Dembe’s glower became even more pronounced.

“My honor is not for sale. I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions.” The ward of the shady Mr. Reddington was a damn choir boy. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“Easy for you say. What’s the worst Reddington’s going to do to you? Ground you? That will a real hardship for the guy who didn’t even want to leave the hotel room. Versus me, who will be out of the best paying job I’ve ever had. The job that was going to keep me fed for months. Have you ever been starving, Dembe? Not hungry… but starving?” Self-righteous was easy for people who had nothing at stake.

“Yes.” Jacob blinked. That wasn’t the answer he’d expected. It was hard to imagine the huge boy having ever missed a meal. Then again the doctor had mentioned Dembe’s ‘miraculous’ recovery. Maybe the kid’s life had been harder than Jacob had assumed.

“Then do you get why I might not be real eager to feel that again?”

Dembe was silent a moment before nodding. That was a promising start. What else could Jacob say to convince the guy not to rat him out? Would an apology work? Dembe had cracked his skull, but Jacob had deliberately provoked him. They both shared the blame for what happened.

“Look...I was a dick. I know that. And I get that you don’t want me around. That’s fine, that’s nothing new for me. If you want me to not say another word to you for that rest of the week, I’ll do it, but I need this job. Please.” Jacob couldn’t remember the last time he’d used that final word with anyone. He only hoped it would pay off here.

Dembe was quiet for nearly thirty seconds before reaching a decision. “I won’t lie to Raymond...but I won’t expose any falsehood you tell. You can even tell him we left the hotel, if you’d like. Get your $200 bonus.”

“You know about that?” Had Raymond told Dembe before Jacob’s had arrived about the details of their deal?

“I was listening at the door.” Yet again Jacob’s massive charge surprised him.

“Kind of sneaky for someone as honest as you.” The kid clearly had layers, Jacob would give him that.

“Raymond is honorable is his own way, but I have found him less than forthright, on occasion.” For a non-native English speaker. Dembe sure knew some fancy words.

“Forthright? Seriously? Do you read the dictionary for fun, or something?” For a moment the older boy looked almost embarrassed.

“I enjoy books. Raymond reads to me, when he has time.” Jacob pushed down the unexpected feeling of jealousy. It was stupid to envy Dembe his relationship with Reddington. He wasn’t a little kid anymore. He certainly didn’t need anyone to read him bedtime stories.

“There’s a library near the hotel. I can bring you some books tomorrow, if you want.” Jacob had ‘borrowed’ one or two in the past and had yet to be caught. He could probably sneak out a few more if Dembe was interested.

“I would appreciate that. Thank you.” The older boy smiled at him, and Jacob unexpectedly found himself smiling back. Maybe the week wouldn’t be a nightmare after all.

“So then what happened?” Liz’s voiced pulled Jacob back into the present.

“The doctor fixed me up, good as new.”

“And your brother kept your secret?” Jacob nodded. When Reddington had returned that night, Jacob had told him that they’d hung out in the room all day. Dembe had seemed surprised, given that he’d agree not to contradict any story Jacob came up with. He’d assumed Jacob would want to take advantage of the opportunity to get the extra $200.

Jacob had considered it, but in the end he’d decided not to. He told himself it was for practical reasons, that such a lie would be more easily exposed, but in reality it hadn’t felt right, particular after Dembe had reimbursed Jacob for the money he’d spent at the doctor.

“Yeah. First time anyone ever did anything like that for me.” Dembe had shown him mercy that Jacob had done nothing to deserve.

“He sounds like a good brother.”

“The best.” Jacob felt an unwelcome pang of loneliness. It had been over a month since he’d spoken to Dembe. He hoped his brother was keeping himself safe. Jacob didn’t know what he’d do without him.

“You’re lucky. I always wanted a sibling. A part of me was hoping that maybe I already had one.” It took a moment for Jacob to realise Liz was talking about the file. It was funny that she wanted to discuss it now, when less than thirty minutes go she’d nearly bitten his head off for asking.

“You were an only child?” Liz nodded.

“As far as the State of Nebraska knows I am. Although apparently my biological father was a con man who ditched me to go the lam, so who knows.” Jacob could hear the undercurrent of anger beneath the flippant tone.

“And your mother?”

“Died in a fire, that she may have started herself. The report was ‘inconclusive.’” No wonder Liz hadn’t felt like sharing what she’d found in the file. She was probably expecting him to respond with an ‘I told you so.’

“Could have been worse. She could have been a negligent crackhead like my birth mother.” Liz turned sharply to look at him. Jacob shrugged, feigning a nonchalance that after all these years he wished he could actually feel. “Family isn’t blood, and blood isn’t family. I think we both made out alright.”

“Yeah, I think we did too.” They fell into a companionable silence, very different from the one they begun the trip with. Jacob found that he no longer dreading the length of the ride, but rather it’s conclusion. He didn’t want to drive away from Liz, knowing he’d never see her again. Stupid and sentimental of him, but it was what it was. Jacob looked over at Liz and found her looking out the window, smiling at the seemingly endless fields stretching to the horizon. She was happy. They were both going home. It was enough.

#blacklist fanfiction #Second Son #keen2 fanfiction #I finally updated!

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tosybelle-blog · 7 years

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By and Hay’s Excellent Adventure--Part IV

I settled up the bill that morning while everyone else cleaned and loaded the car. I came back out triumphantly. “Hey guys, guess what,” I called. They were done loading and basically just waiting for me, so no one really responded. “The owner wanted to compliment us. She said we were the cleanest, politest, quietest teens she’d had come through for a while.”

Jeff piped up, “Yeah, because we did all our fighting and screaming out in public.”

I ignored that and went on. “Anyway, when I told her we were headed to Ogunquit, she called up a friend of hers who has a motel up there. He’s giving us a deal: a set up almost exactly like we had here, only with three queen-sized beds, for the price of one room. Sound good?”

We had made sandwiches again and we took them into town, eating them on the sand of the beach in my dream. I must have turned bright scarlet when I realized where we were, but if anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything. This time I made my own sandwiches and labeled them with my name with Vanessa’s Sharpie. The ham and turkey with cheese on white definitely tasted better than the peanut butter the day before.

When we were done eating, we scrambled back up the beach and through town to the parking lot where we left the car. Haley stopped in one store and came out with a travel pillow, while Jordan and Adam picked up a few souvenirs. I hadn’t bought anything, but I wasn’t really upset about it. I had enough memories to last me a lifetime.

As we arranged seating for the car, Hay announced that Jeff was going to drive and that she was going to take the passenger’s seat. “What about your turn?” Jordan asked her.

She didn’t look directly at him, addressing the whole group instead. “I did most of the driving around town, and I’ll do the same thing at Ogunquit if you’d like.”

Jordan was relentless. “Yeah, well, what happened to my turn in the passenger’s seat?”

Hay turned on him, eyes blazing. “You forfeited that when I punched you in the face,” she spat.

Jordan recoiled as if she’d hit him a second time. He climbed into the middle seat with Adam, while Vanessa took the back. I looked after Jordan for a moment, confused, then sat down next to Vanessa. Jordan was directly in front of me and directly behind Hay.

I guess that Jordan decided that Hay was off-limits after that comment, so he turned his frustration to an easier target: me. My head was where he wanted to put his head, and we kept knocking them together; somehow, that was completely my fault. If I turned around to talk to Adam, I was in his personal space. If I spoke to Vanessa, I was “too loud.” It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, Jordan found some excuse to snap at me.

After twenty minutes of near-constant snarking, Hay turned the radio off. “You know something, Jordan Pike?” she said. “You are a miserable human being, and you’re making the rest of us miserable too. I have a song for you.” She began digging through her knapsack, searching for the right CD. A few minutes later, she came up triumphant and put it in the player. She then began fiddling with the player, searching for the right song.

When happy, upbeat music finally started, she cautioned us, “Not this part...wait until I tell you to listen. This thing doesn’t have a button to skip through to the middle of the song.”

Jeff flicked his eyes over at her from the road. “Nobody knows how to make drama like you do, huh, Hay?” he asked sarcastically. “You tell him you’re going to insult him through song, and then you drag it out over five minutes just to make the tension worse.” Hay flicked him off.

“Okay, here you go. No, wait for the chorus. The chorus is about Jordan.” I listened to the music, surprised to find it was a CD I’d never heard before. A couple of people were discussing how one had been laid off, and then started singing about it. It sounded like it might be from a musical, but I wasn’t familiar with it.

Finally, the chorus began, and Hay began to sing along. She has a very nice singing voice, but she doesn’t share it too often. “It sucks to be me,” she sang, “It sucks to be me. It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three. It sucks to be me.”

Vanessa leaned forward from the back seat. “This is Avenue Q, isn’t it?” she asked, delighted. Hay nodded, and I shot Vanessa a questioning look. “It’s a musical,” she responded, “Like Sesame Street for adults. Sex and drinking and unemployment and cursing. Sounds awesome. I’d love to go see it sometime.”

Hay grinned. “Me, too.” The song continued on, talking about why it sucked to be a variety of different characters, and Hay continued to sing the chorus. At the end of the song, it changes to ‘It sucks to be you.’ By then, we were all laughing, even Jordan.

When the song ended, Hay moved to stop the CD player. “Wait!” Vanessa cried, “There’s another song I want to hear.” She climbed into the middle seat, between Adam and Jordan, causing both of them to yell at her. From the middle, she leaned forward and whispered in Hay’s ear. Hay smiled and Vanessa leaned back, settling in between our two brothers. “This one’s dedicated to Adam,” Vanessa said sweetly.

Hay began flipping through the songs. “For some reason, they’re not in order on the CD, so give me a minute to find it.” She would listen to thirty seconds of the song and then name it and skip to the next. “Everyone’s a little bit racist...Fantasies come true...For now....”

I leaned forward from the back seat. “They’re in alphabetical order.”

“What?” She stopped the CD for a moment and looked at me.

I spoke a bit louder. “The songs...they’re alphabetical.”

Hay thought about it for a moment. “Oh, you’re right. I wonder how it got recorded that way.” She skipped through the CD silently for a moment, guessing where she’d find the song Vanessa had requested. Finally it started blaring from the speaker. “Vanessa, will you sing Trekkie for me?”

Adam groaned. “First you let her pick out a song for me, and then you let her sing? I’m never getting in a car with you again, Haley.”

Hay grinned like the Cheshire Cat and started singing. “The Internet is really, really great.”

“For porn!” Vanessa yelled.

“I’ve got a fast connection, so I don’t have to wait...”

“For porn!”

I don’t think I have to tell you how the rest of that song went. Adam blushed furiously. I think he was even more embarrassed in the car than he was the day that Mom had caught him using the family computer to surf for pictures of naked women. He buried his head in his hands. Vanessa put her arm around him as she sang one of the choruses. “The Internet is for porn, the Internet is for porn. Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn.” He shrugged her off.

When the song ended, Vanessa was laughing so hard she was gasping for air. Hay repeated one of her character’s last lines, “I hate the Internet!” and then joined her.

Jeff spoke for the first time in a while. “Hey, guys,” he said, “Sorry to interrupt the party, but we’re getting low on gas. Probably should have filled the tank before we left. Anyway, I’m going to pull into that service station up ahead.”

We rolled up to a gas pump. Jeff ran inside to use the bathroom, which I figured was the real reason we had stopped. Adam and Vanessa wandered off to a little ice cream hut that was on the edge of the service station. I paid for the gas and then came back out to pump it.

Jordan climbed into the back seat and was digging in the trunk for a bag of snacks we had misplaced. Hay was hanging out of the car as I filled the tank. I turned to her. “Where’d you get that CD from?” I asked her.

She grinned a high-watt grin. “From one of the stage crew,” she said, “He was singing the songs backstage all the time. I made him lend me the CD and I made a copy.” Hay scooted out of the car and came up beside me. “You know, I have some songs on that CD that are for you, too. Two of them.”

I put my arm around her as I waited for the pump to stop. “Oh, really?” I asked.

She gave me a hug but didn’t respond. After a minute, she wiggled loose. “I feel like ice cream,” she said.

I squeezed her shoulder. “You feel like Hay to me, but whatever.”

Hay laughed. “You want some ice cream, too?”

I shook my head and removed the pump from the tank. She ran off to where Vanessa and Adam were chowing down on ice cream cones. Jordan came out of the car, looking perturbed. I walked toward the building, intent on a bag of chips, and Jordan followed, right on my heels.

He tailgated me straight into the building and while I was inspecting the chips, he stood right behind me. “May I help you?” I asked him finally.

Jordan released a breath that sounded like a hiss. “Do you have to flaunt it?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?”

His expression looked pained. “Your relationship with Haley. We know you guys are together...you gotta rub it in our faces this whole trip?”

Suddenly, a couple of pieces of information clicked together in my brain. Adam had come on the trip because he wanted to spend time with me. Jordan had come on the trip because he wanted to spend time with Haley. Adam had tried to warn me. I bristled, though I wasn’t quite sure why. “I’m not dating Hay,” I said in a low, irritated voice.

“Oh, right. You are so full of shit.” Jordan rolled his eyes. “You think I’m blind and deaf? I saw you guys just now. You’re all over each other.”

I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation again. I sucked in a breath through a clenched jaw. “We are not dating.” I looked around the convenience mart. No one else was there except the bearded, scary-looking dude behind the counter. “We’re just friends. You ever see us kiss? No. Because we’ve never kissed!” By this point, I was yelling right into Jordan’s face.

He took an involuntary step back. “And why should I believe a word you say?”

I pounded my hand down on the shelf in front of me, causing it to vibrate. “Because I’m fucking gay, okay?”

Jordan reeled back from me in surprise, probably as much at my venom as at my statement. I grabbed a bag of chips off the shelf and walked over to the checkout. Jordan ran back out the door and I saw him climb into the car. I plopped some money down on the counter, and the counter guy looked down at me as he gave me my change. “Good for you, kid,” he said, “I’ve been with my partner for almost ten years. Coming out’s always the hardest part, but it’s better than living a lie.”

I gave a noise that was half laugh, half sob and ran out the door myself. I sat down on the ground around the corner and began to sob full on, loud, choking noises that wracked my whole body. Luckily, I quickly cried myself out. I was just sniffling and wiping my eyes when Jeff appeared beside me. “Everything okay?” he asked.

I looked up at him. “No,” I replied, “but not any worse than normal.” My chips had fallen to the ground and I picked them up. Somehow, in my haste, I had grabbed low sodium, flavorless baked chips. Ew.

Jeff began to speak but stopped, shaking his head. “We’re ready to go when you are.” I jumped up and ran ahead of him to the car, rubbing my eyes with my hand, hoping to avoid any further conversation that I definitely wasn’t in the mood for.

When I got to the car, Jordan was in the way back. Hay, Adam and Vanessa were in the cooler, dipping their hands in among the ice to wash off ice cream spills. I climbed into the middle seat on the other side from them, right in front of Jordan. He looked up at me. “Did you mean the last thing you said?” he asked, his voice a little unsteady.

I looked back at him. “Yup.”

He didn’t change expression, and I could see he looked like he was fighting back tears. “Okay. I, uh, well, I just needed to know.”

I forced myself to smile at him. “Well, now you do.”

***

When we started off again, I was behind the driver’s seat, with Vanessa sitting bitch between me and Adam. Adam had originally intended to sit in the back, but the vibe Jordan was giving out was enough to make him change his mind.

Although no one but Jordan and I knew what had happened, everyone could feel that something was different. Hay found a CD that was mellower and put it in the CD player. She and Jeff started talking about their overlapping musical tastes in a low voice. Vanessa pulled out her camera and started taking pictures of us all in ‘our native environment’—everyone except Jordan, that is. When she’d pointed the camera at him, he’d grabbed it from her and thrown it into the front seat. Hay retrieved it undamaged, and Vanessa figured out that it was best to leave grizzly bears alone, no matter how fun they might be to photograph.

An hour passed uneventfully. Vanessa had put her camera away and was reading The Bell Jar. Adam was staring out the window, munching on a bag of Funyons that I could smell from the other side of the car. Jordan was either asleep or just completely uncommunicative. When Hay’s latest CD ended, she started digging around in her bag for something new. I put aside the crossword puzzle I’d been half-heartedly playing with and leaned across Vanessa into the front seat. “Hay, you got the CD from Grease?” I asked.

She frowned at me. “Yeeeeeessss....”

“Put it in? Please?”

Jeff took his eyes off the road for a moment and glanced at me. “What’s this, By? You got a thing for Olivia Newton John or something?”

I shook my head at him, making a terrible face. “Ew, no. It’s actually a recording from our school production last fall. Hay played Rizzo.”

Vanessa pinched me on the shoulder and I moved out of her personal space. She continued my plea. “Come on, Haley, put it in.” Hay shook her head and glared at us both. “Jeff, help us out here. She was the star of the show. You’ve got to hear her.”

Jeff grinned at her and peeked out from behind his sunglasses. “Better put it in, Hay. They’re not going to quit until you do.”

Hay threw her hands up. “I know when I’m beat. I’ll put it in if you play Tom Lehrer later.” I gave her a bewildered look. “Oh, don’t give me that face. I know you have at least one of his CDs in your bag. I’ll give you fifty bucks if you don’t.” I just continued to look at her, my expression unchanged. “Ugh! I hate when you do this to me, Byron. I’ll get you back one of these days.” She removed a CD case from her bag and put it in.

We listened quietly for a while. During one of the songs where Haley wasn’t singing, Adam piped up and asked, “You going to do the musical again next year, Haley? I hear they’re doing Guys and Dolls.”

She shook her head violently. “No way. I wouldn’t have even done Grease if...”

Even Jordan was staring at her now. I finished the thought. “...If I hadn’t dared you.”

All the eyes except Jeff’s turned on me. “What?” Vanessa said, confused.

I shrugged. “We started daring each other to do stuff about a year ago. Stupid things that didn’t really affect anything.” She’d dared me to spell my name wrong on an assignment I’d turned in; Bryon Pike had gotten a 100 percent and the teacher hadn’t noticed. I’d dared her to use a certain spicy adjective in her next writing assignment; she’d managed to work it in successfully. “After a while, the dares started to get bigger. I dared her to try out for the play. She auditioned for Patty Simcox and got Rizzo.”

Hay was blushing a bit. “The teacher said I was the only one with the sass to pull it off, which I think is an insult.”

I waved that off. “It was a compliment and you know it.”

We grew quiet as Hay as Rizzo started singing, “Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee.” When that ended, Jeff changed lanes and then pulled his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “So, Haley, if someone dares you to do something, do you have to do it?”

She turned and looked at him, an ‘oh, shit,’ look in her eyes. “Depends on who’s daring. I do have to do whatever By dares me to do. It’s a matter of pride. Plus, I know he’ll give me shit about it for the rest of time if I don’t.”

Jeff let that hang for a second. “Well, what if I dare you to do something? Do you have to take the dare?”

Hay’s eyes got even wider. “Depends on what it is, I guess.”

“What if I dare you to kiss Jordan?”

Everyone in the car snapped to full attention, waiting for an answer for that question. Nothing happened for a moment, except that Hay turned to face forward as if she were internally debating and didn’t want the rest of us to see. Jeff checked the rearview mirror and met my eyes. And in that second I knew that he knew exactly how Jordan felt. Whether Jordan had told him or he’d picked up on the clues, he was in on the secret.

Hay turned back around. “Vanessa!” she barked. “Switch seats with me?” I could see some tension around her eyes, like she wasn’t really sure she was making the right choice, but the tone of voice told me she was determined to follow through on this. She knocked everything off the middle seat of the front bench, where the seatbelt is broken. Vanessa climbed in between Hay and Jeff, trying really hard not to kick Jeff or otherwise force his attention off the road. After this was accomplished, Hay did the opposite, climbing between me and Adam, and Vanessa scooted into the passenger’s seat and buckled back up. Hay looked at Jordan in the backseat, eyes now as determined as her voice, and joined him back there.

Three sets of eyes were glued on the back seat; one watched intermittently as the road conditions allowed. Hay froze for a moment, then put her arms around Jordan’s neck and pulled him close. Jordan’s eyes grew like saucers, and his expression said he doubted she was actually going to kiss him until the second it started. The kiss went on for just a fraction of a second longer than I would have expected; by that time, Jordan’s hands had found their way to her shoulders. Hay pulled back and for a second she smiled, but before Jordan’s eyes opened she turned it to a scowl. While he watched, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand like he’d left a bad taste on it, and then climbed back into the middle seat, looking at Jeff from the relative safety between me and Adam. “Satisfied?”

Jeff grinned and pulled down his sunglasses. “Oh, yeah,” he said, trying not to laugh.

Jordan’s face was bright crimson. He picked up a magazine and pretended to be fascinated by the article in front of him, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Adam and I looked at each other over Hay’s head. I gave him a questioning glance and he nodded, with the silent implication of, “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

Hay settled into her new seat and buckled her seatbelt. We were all pretty much looking at her still, and it was her turn to blush again. “Just for the record....I hate you all,” she said.

***

Ogunquit was so not what I was expecting. In some ways, it wasn’t much different from Camden; in other ways, they were nothing alike. Let’s just say that Camden was so much more...conservative. Adam took a look around as we drove down the main strip and turned to me. “Byron. You picked the gayest town on earth.”

I looked in the same direction he had and saw two guys holding hands walking down the street, passing another pair of men doing the same. I shrugged. “Hay picked it out.”

Adam cocked his head at her. “Haley. You picked the gayest town on earth.”

Hay looked helpless for a second. “I read this book,” she said for the second time in two days. I suddenly started picturing a book: How to Get Your Best Guy Friend to Come Out Already. She’d picked this town as some kind of message to me.

I must have blushed because suddenly several sets of eyes were on me. Vanessa leaned over the seat. “What’s the matter, Byron?” she asked. She was the only one looking at me who didn’t know. “You got a problem with ho-mo-sex-u-als?” She dragged it out in a Mr. Rogers kind of way.

Hay spoke under her breath. “Yeah, a jealousy problem,” she quipped. Adam laughed, but I think only he and I heard her. Vanessa looked at us like we were crazy—which, admittedly, had been her look for most of the trip. She then picked up the map and started studying it.

“I think this town’s pretty cool. I like any town that’s this accepting of everyone,” Jeff piped up. He turned onto a side street and then into a parking lot. “Did you guys see that teen club back a couple blocks? It’s said it’s ages sixteen to twenty. We have to go there one night.”

Hay threw her hands up, glad to have found an ally. “I know, right? I saw that in the travel guide. Vanessa, you got a state ID?”

Vanessa nodded. “I had to get one last summer so I could get a job. Thank goodness, right? I’d have to kill you all if you went into a club—even a lame, alcohol free one— without me.”

We all tumbled out of the car and looked around. “So, this is Ogunquit,” Jordan said, like he’d been expecting something grander.

Vanessa looked at him. “This is a parking lot. All the good stuff seems to be that way.” She pointed back toward the main drag.

“Well, then, let’s go that way.” Jordan seemed to be taking charge for the first time since we’d left home, and, being surprised and a bit bedraggled, we let him.

As we followed Jordan, Hay turned into a walking guide book. “So there are two parts to Ogunquit. This is the village. Pretty much everything I was interested in is here in the village, but I hear Perkins Cove is beautiful.” She paused for a minute as we passed another gay couple. In a low voice, she continued. “The village is also home to Ogunquit’s very active gay social scene.”

“We hadn’t noticed,” Adam joked as we passed maybe the third gay-themed business in a couple blocks.

Obviously, tourist season was not in full blast, or even a trickle, but we still got a feel for the town anyway. Just about everyone we passed said hello to us. Like we did our first night in Camden, we just browsed shops and went inside in ones and twos. Hay dragged me into one of the gay-themed gift stores and made me look around with her at all the kitschiness. Some of the items were typical to what you’d find in a regular gift shop, with a unique Ogunquit twist.

“Oh, look, By, you have to have this!” Hay squealed. It was t-shirt that read ‘I went to Ogunquit and all I did was come out’ in rainbow letters. Even though I protested and vowed to never wear it, she picked it up and went to check out. By the time she and I left the store we were both laughing hysterically.

Adam and Jordan were once again sitting on a bench, not shopping, when we came out. Hay was silently shaking with laughter, half doubled over. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Jordan quirked an eyebrow at us. “Something hit your funny bones?” he asked.

I was having trouble breathing, but I managed to start calming down a bit. “Show them the shirt, Hay,” I said.

She was gasping for breath herself. “Are you sure?” she wheezed, looking at Jordan and then back at me. I nodded and she pulled the shirt out of the bag, which I had made her carry. It was folded with the message on the inside. “I bought Byron a present to celebrate him making history this trip.” With that, she shook the shirt out and showed it to them.

They both took a look, and did a double take. Adam started to laugh right away. Jordan looked uncomfortable. “You sure you want everyone to know like this?” he asked.

I studied him for a moment. “Well, I wasn’t planning on wearing it out to dinner tonight or anything. But yeah, I want to tell people. I’ve been gay for eighteen years. It’s about time I accept that and let other people accept it too.” Jordan’s expression changed, and suddenly he looked guilty. “I was planning to tell you, you know. Just not like it came out. And I’m sorry I got so worked up.” Adam and Haley exchanged a look, like they might be missing something, which, of course, they were.

Jordan ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, still looking guilty. “No, that was my fault. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. Next time I’ve got a problem with you, I’ll come and talk to you about it instead of letting it build up like that, okay?”

I grinned at the rare show of humility. “To be fair, this was totally an imaginary problem with me, wasn’t it? All in your head?”

He started to protest, but when he realized I was kidding, he grinned back. “You son of a bitch,” he said.

I shook my head in mock disgust. “Don’t talk that way about your mother, son,” I said. Adam joined the two of us, putting his arms around us both.

“Aww,” Hay said, stuffing the shirt back into the bag and jumping in front of us, holding a fake camera to her face. “Where are Vanessa and her camera when you need her?”

“What about me and my camera?” Vanessa came up behind Haley. She took a good look at us triplets, still embracing, and shook her head. “Oh, my God. You three are so gay.” Hay looked around in surprise, hoping no one who might be offended heard Vanessa, but no one was near, not even Jeff.

Jordan looked at Adam, and then over at me. “Nope, just one out of three,” he said. I gaped at him for a moment, and then we all started to laugh.

Vanessa looked at him in surprise. “Wait, what?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

The whole story probably would have come tumbling out, for the third time in as many days, if Jeff hadn’t come racing out of one of the stores down the block and shouted at us as a group. “You guys. You have to come see this swimsuit in here. It’s got piano keys all over the ass! Come on, guys!”

Nothing like Jeff on a shopping spree to provide a good distraction.

***

We finally managed to drag Jeff away from the shopping, but not before he’d bought us all matching Ogunquit t-shirts. “I’m bound and determined to wardrobe everyone,” he’d said.

Hay had held hers up to her front. “We should all wear these on the way home. It would freak people out.”

We stopped at a takeout Chinese restaurant and placed an order, which Hay then held steady with her feet as we hunted down our motel. It was a little farther out of town than the other motel owner had made it sound, but other than that, she’d been spot on in her description. I’d gotten us checked in and we took our delicious-smelling food inside, leaving our bags in the station wagon.

Hay set the food down on the small table in the corner of the room and we all swarmed it. Every last morsel of watercress and every piece of rice was gone before too long. I looked mournfully at the empty containers. “We should have ordered more,” I moaned.

Jordan tossed a bag of potato chips at me. “Here, you can have these,” he offered.

Hay looked at the snack. “Nothing like barbecue chips to go with Chinese barbecue chicken,” she snickered.

Adam opened the door. “Hey, who’s going to help me unload the car?” he called over his shoulder as he walked out. Everyone but me followed. I quickly ate up the chips before Jordan changed his mind and then joined them.

It only took us a few minutes to bring in the bags, and then we scattered. Adam and Jordan went outside to take a look around. Jeff had turned on the television and was watching the news, with Vanessa providing commentary. I had no idea where Hay had gone—to the bathroom in the girls’ room, I assumed. I took out my crossword puzzle and tried to finish it. I was missing enough letters to drive me mad.

Some time passed. Vanessa went to use our bathroom. I tossed the puzzle aside in disgust. “Seen Hay?” I asked Jeff, who was now engrossed in a game of Wheel of Fortune. He merely shook his head. Since I’d last seen her headed into the other room, I went to the door and opened it without a second thought.

The room was dimly lit, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure what I saw. I stepped a little farther into the room and squinted. The only light burning was a small lamp on the far side of the bed. It illuminated a back, leaned over the bed, head bent forward. He was kneeling on the bed, over someone else; the other person lay face up on the bed, her arms around his neck. Her shirt was hiked up under her breasts, and his hands were caressing her bare back. Their eyes were closed and they only noticed each other as they kissed on and on. I backed back out of the room without either one of them noticing.

When I was back in the other room, I closed the door quietly behind me and then pushed up against the door, my heart pounding. Jeff looked at me quizzically. “You okay over there?”

I wanted to scream at him that, no, I was not okay. I had just seen my brother making out with my best friend. All I wanted was to erase that image from my memory. I shook my head, less in answer to his question than to clear my head. “Got any brain bleach?” I asked.

Jeff blinked. “Uh,” he answered eloquently. I forced myself away from the door and joined him on the bed. “You going to tell me what’s going on?” he added.

I reached across the bed and took the remote from next to his thigh. “Nope.”

Adam came in from outside, carrying a big bucket of ice, which he dumped unceremoniously into the cooler. I was holding the remote but just fidgeting with it. “Byron…you’re as white as a ghost. What’s the matter?”

I shook my head again. Jeff cocked his head to one side. “Don’t bother; I haven’t been able to get a peep out of him.” He reached over and took the remote back from me, wrestling it out of my hands. “Something spooked him in the other room though.”

Adam looked like he was going to continue the questions, but the bathroom door peeked open and Vanessa’s face appeared in the crack. “Haley?” she called.

Jeff looked at Adam, then at me, then back at Vanessa. “Absent,” he replied.

We could only see a sliver of Vanessa’s face, but she looked decidedly uncomfortable. “Can you go get her?” she whined.

“No,” I piped up. “She’s, um, busy.”

“Please?” Vanessa pleaded. “I need something from her.”

“Vanessa,” I said, starting to lose my patience a little bit, “I am not going to interrupt Haley right now. Is there anything any of us can help you with?”

Her face clouded over. “Not unless any of you has a tampon,” she snipped.

Jeff, Adam and I looked at each other. “I don’t know about the others, but I’m not in the habit of carrying those around,” Adam told her.

Vanessa scowled. “Well, Haley is, and if I’m not mistaken, she probably has a whole box of them in that oversize purse of hers. So if you’re not willing to go stop whatever’s so goddamn important that she’s doing, could you at least bring me some goddamn tampons!?” She slammed the door shut behind her.

Jeff looked at us. “Are we going to get Haley’s purse?” he asked.

I shook my head. “It’s in the other room, and like I said, she’s busy in there. More than my life’s worth to interrupt her now.”

Jeff and Adam looked at each other, probably wondering what exactly was so taboo that I wouldn’t interrupt it. “Guess one of us is going to have to go buy some tampons,” Jeff said slowly.

Without a word, Adam and I turned to each other and shook a fist three times. Jeff stared at us until we slammed our fists down, in unison, into our other hand. I kept my fist rounded, but Adam laid his flat. “Paper covers rock. I win!”

I grumbled under my breath as I grabbed the car keys off the table. “I’ll come with you,” Jeff offered.

As I was pulling on my shoes, Adam picked up the remote control and started flipping channels. “Seen Jordan?” he asked.

“Yeah, I have,” I said, and then walked out the door, causing Jeff to run to catch up.

***

I had barely pulled out of the parking spot when Jeff turned to me from the passenger’s seat. “Okay, spill,” he demanded. “What was Haley doing in there that’s got you so worked up?”

I eased out of the parking lot and drove a short way before I responded. “She was on the bed with Jordan.”

Jeff raised his eyebrow. “Were they...?”

I let out a breath. “No, thank God. But they were about a minute from second base.”

He watched me for a moment, and I tensed up even more at the visual inquisition. Finally he spoke. “Well, that’s a good thing, right? Honestly, I might have only been around you all for four days, but I can see she basically clings to you. I’m glad you two have each other, but it isn’t really healthy for you to be everything to one another, right?” He paused, looking straight ahead for a moment, making a pained face. “Oh, my God, I sound like my therapist.” A funny little laugh escaped his mouth.

I glanced at Jeff briefly, concerned. He pulled himself back together and looked at me again. I took a deep breath. “You’re right, though. Remember, I said yesterday, I worry that she’s always alone when I’m not with her. But her and Jordan...well, just two days ago, she punched him in the face! She called him a miserable human being not twelve hours ago. And just now, she was letting him feel her up. It’s just not like her, you know?” Jeff shook his head and made a ‘hmm’ noise and I continued. “I’ve been hanging out with Hay for three years, and in that time, she’s never had one date. Lots of guys asked her out, at least that first year, so she could have gone on dates and had boyfriends, and she never once said yes to any of them. So for her to turn on a dime like that...it just concerns me, okay?”

Jeff smiled kindly. “I understand. I just think it’s not maybe as big a deal as you’re making it out to be. Haley knows Jordan. She’s known him about half her life. Maybe she figured out about his year-long obsession with her. Or maybe he told her, I don’t know. Maybe she just figured she was ready for something more than a hug from her best friend, and he was right there. Whatever. In any case, is it really a bad thing if she gets together with Jordan?”

I thought about that for a minute. “No,” I said slowly, still mulling it over, “It’s not. I think I just rather would have found out by one of them telling me rather than catching them in the act.”

He laughed a little, and then turned sober. “I hate to even say this, but I think there’s a little more to it than that. I’m only saying it because I’m your friend, but could it be possible that you’re a bit jealous? Not necessarily of Jordan kissing Haley specifically, but that they have someone to kiss at all?”

And damn him, he was right. That was definitely the hardest part of being in the closet: you can’t just find a guy, like Hay had suggested I do, and have a good time. Because someone will definitely find out and then everyone will know. And anyway, I didn’t know any other gay guys to even find and get together with. I blushed, grateful that it was dark, and pulled into the parking lot of a twenty-four hour grocery.

I went to get out of the car when Jeff put a hand on my arm. “Hey, Byron?”

“Yeah?” I turned to him. Jeff spent a moment trying to get the words out, and then shook his head. He looked away and bit his lip. I could tell he had lost his reserve again. “Hey, no worries, Jeff. Whatever it is, you’ll tell me when you’re ready. Anyway, you were right. Maybe you should just revel in that for a moment.”

Jeff grinned with his mouth, but his eyes looked sad. “What was I right about?” he asked.

I smiled for real at him as I climbed out of the car. “Everything. What else?”

***

By the time Jeff and I got back, Haley and Jordan had rejoined the crew and Vanessa had been rescued from the bathroom. I handed her a box of tampons and she just grunted. “You owe me big time,” I told her.

Adam and Jordan were on one bed, and Hay and Vanessa were on the other. Vanessa opened the box and dug out a tampon, which she handed to Hay. “Thank you,” Hay said, stuffing the extra in her pocket. Vanessa tossed the box aside and they went back to the magazine they’d been poring over when Jeff and I had come in the door.

Jordan was sharing a bag of chips with Adam and watching a hockey game on television. Neither he nor Hay gave any sign that they knew that I’d walked in on them, or any sign that they’d even done what I’d seen them do. I looked over at Jeff, who shrugged at me. There wasn’t any room left on the beds, so we sat down at the table in the corner. “Adam? Can we borrow your cards?” Jeff asked. Adam jumped off the bed and pulled out box of two decks, which Jeff then shuffled together. “Okay, By, you gotta teach me the secret behind that spite and malice game so I can kick everyone’s ass next time.”

I shook my head at him. “I suck at cards.”

“So? We’ll suck together.” He handed me the deck. “You deal.”

We were only halfway through the game when Jeff started yawning. He turned to the group as a whole. “So. Sleeping arrangements? We could stick to the same rooms we had last time. Or we could let Jordan and Haley have the single room and the rest of us bunk up in here.”

Absolute silence followed that statement. Hay dropped the magazine, her face blazing scarlet. Adam and Vanessa stared at Jeff, confused. Jordan’s mouth dropped open. I ducked my head, trying not to get involved. After a moment of crickets chirping, Hay found her voice. “What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, looking venomous.

Jeff smiled at her. “Oh, come on, Hay. Byron walked in on the two of you.” So much for trying not to get involved. I burned as bright as Hay and looked at the carpeting. Even so, I could feel a couple faces on me.

Hay jumped up and ran into the other room, slamming the door behind her. Vanessa looked questioningly at Adam, who nodded at her, and she followed Hay into the other room, calling after her. That left the four of us guys alone in the room together. I still had my eyes on the floor.

Jordan looked over at Jeff, looking like he was going to give him hell, but then stopped and grinned. “What the hell, Jeff?” he asked, not sounding upset, but rather giddy.

Jeff took a look at Jordan’s stupid goofy grin and chuckled. “Sorry, dude. Was it supposed to be a secret?” he asked.

Jordan got control of his expression a little bit, but he still looked happier than I’d seen him in a long time. “No. At least I don’t think so. I mean, Haley said that she isn’t sure what this is, but I think that just means that we aren’t officially dating or anything.”

Adam thumped Jordan on the shoulder. “So what exactly are we talking about here?” he asked.

Jordan’s smile turned mushy again. “Second base,” he said.

Adam looked impressed. “Whoa, dude. How did this happen? You were about her least favorite person on earth earlier today.”

“The power of an apology, maybe? Either that or I’m just that good of a kisser.” All three of them smirked.

I shuffled a foot around on the floor and inadvertently caught Jordan’s attention. “Hey, Byron. You and me are cool, right?”

I finally looked up. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

He looked a little embarrassed. “Well, Jeff said you saw me and Haley while we were....”

I shook my head, lowering it again, hiding behind my hair. “It wasn’t exactly my favorite image, and I’m going to need a lobotomy to get it out of my head, but that’s alright. I’ll get over it.” I scuffed my shoe around some more. “But I gotta tell you, man. You hurt her and I’ll kill you.”

Jordan laughed. “I’d expect nothing less out of you.”

***

I wish I could say Hay was as easy going about what happened that night as Jordan was, but I couldn’t. Not even close. And for some reason, she held me entirely to blame for everything.

I found that out the hard way the next time I saw her, after everyone was showered and dressed the next morning. Vanessa came in to get some breakfast. She discovered the milk had soured, so she and Jordan ran to buy some more from the grocery. Adam was styling his hair and Jeff was munching dried fruit and watching PBS kids. I knocked on the door to the girls’ room, and when I didn’t get an answer, I went in.

Hay was on the bed, flipping through a notebook of some kind. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her, just like any other time. Only this time, she shoved me hard and knocked me off the bed. “Ow! What the hell, Hay?” I spit as I sat back up, rubbing my arm where she’d shoved me. Suddenly I was glad she hadn’t punched me like she’d done to Jordan. She’s got strong arms.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” she asked, putting the notebook aside and standing over me.

Oh, crap. “Can you be more specific?” I asked.

She leaned in closer. “I mean, spying on me and Jordan last night.”

I sputtered. “I was not spying on you. How was I supposed to know that you guys were in here together? Isn’t there some kind of code for that? Like leaving a sock on the door knob or something?” She leaned in even closer, her eyes blazing. “Okay, okay. Bad joke. But honest, I just walked into the room, saw you two on the bed, and walked back out. No spying intended. I wasn’t even going to mention it to you.”

“But you told Jeff.”

I hung my head. “Yeah, I told Jeff. Listen; imagine if you walked in on me kissing your brother.” She involuntarily shuddered. “See? I had to tell someone. And he talked me down a little bit. But if I’d known he was going to blurt it out like that, I wouldn’t have.”

The outside door to the other room opened and Vanessa and Jordan returned. “We’ve got milk!” I heard Vanessa call. Haley whirled around and stalked out the door, leaving me behind without a goodbye. By the time I’d gotten off the floor, brushing off my butt (and my pride) and made it into the other room, she had a bowl of Lucky Charms and milk. I walked in through the door, and she walked back through it without acknowledging me, slamming it behind her again.

Jordan quirked an eyebrow. “What’s with her?” he asked, nodding toward the still vibrating door.

I picked up a box of Cap’n Crunch and poured a bowl. “She’s mad about last night.” Jordan wrinkled his brow. “Not about what happened between you. But about how everyone found out.”

Jeff looked chagrined. Jordan moved to join Hay next door, but I physically stopped him. “Don’t. Wait ten minutes before you talk to her.”

He looked irritated. “Don’t be a know-it-all, Byron. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

I let him go but shook my head. “Forget that I’m your brother for a minute. Forget I’m a guy. Just think of me as Haley’s best friend, okay? When she’s this upset, she needs some time to calm down. Otherwise, she’ll say something you’ll both regret.”

Vanessa interjected. “He’s right. When I went in there last night, she tore me a new hole. Even though I didn’t make out with her, or ‘Peeping Tom’ her, or share her news with the whole world,” she said cheerfully. Jeff and I both winced at the phrasing, but she plowed on, unabated. “After a few minutes she calmed down and apologized for it. And then we worked together to come up with as many insulting names for men as possible, in alphabetical order. We got stuck at Q.”

I ignored the second half of that statement for the time being. “Anyway, Jordan, trust me on this one. Eat your breakfast, and then go talk to her. And I do think it should be you who talks to her anyway, even if that makes me sound like a know-it-all.”

We all ate quietly for a while with Sesame Street as our only sounds. Finally Jeff put his bowl down. “Couldn’t come up with a Q?” he asked Vanessa thoughtfully.

***

After we ate, Jordan went into the other room, and a few minutes later, he led Haley out to join us. He had one hand gently on her back, guiding her, and she looked unsure of herself. Jordan made a joke with Vanessa, still standing there with his fingers on Hay’s shoulder blade, and when Hay realized that no one was going to make a single comment to her, she visibly relaxed a bit. Jordan noticed and eased his hand around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. She looked up at him and smiled her thousand-watt smile.

Despite the fact that it wasn’t beach weather, we’d decided to spend the morning at the beach. When we’d managed to find a news broadcast, they’d said the temperature was supposed to go down for the next couple days, meaning that this was the closest we were going to get to a “nice day” in Maine in April. We all put on our windbreakers and hoodies and piled into the car.

The beach was ridiculously beautiful, even though it was maybe fifty degrees outside. We spread out a picnic blanket, and I swear, we all regressed to being seven and eight for a couple hours. We built sandcastles and tossed a ball around.

By lunch time we were covered in sand, sunburn and windburn. I ate the last of the ham in a sandwich and then took a walk down the beach alone. When I got far enough away that I could barely see everyone else, I came across a pier, one of those decorative ones that isn’t used for boats or fishing. I sat down at the end of it, staring out to the sea and thinking about everything that had happened so far this trip.

I didn’t even hear Hay come down the pier, despite the fact that it must have creaked many times over. She sat down beside me, far enough away that we weren’t touching, but reached her hand out to poke me in the side. I didn’t acknowledge her; I wasn’t ready for her to intrude on my thoughts. Finally she scooted a bit closer, still not touching me, and spoke my whole name. “Byron?”

“Hmmm?”

She looked at me and I could tell I was annoying her. But I could also tell she felt like she deserved it. “I’m sorry about before,” she said.

I still didn’t look at her, but I finally spoke. “You know I’d never purposely do anything to hurt or embarrass you.”

Hay sighed. “Yeah. I know. I overreacted.” She put her hands into her lap and grabbed the bottom of her hoodie, twisting it over and over. “This is just something I haven’t really done before. Getting close to a guy in this way, I mean. I just wanted time to think it over and maybe even enjoy this relationship or whatever it is.” She chuckled a nervous chuckle. “I also was afraid that you’d be unhappy about this.”

I shook my head. “I just want you to be happy. Even if that means you’re letting my doofus brother slobber all over you.” She let go of her hoodie long enough to smack my arm. “Ouch! You already bruised that arm earlier today. Leave it be, will ya, Hay?”

She smiled a real smile but her hands went back to the jacket. “Do you really mean that? I was afraid you’d be, I don’t know, jealous or something.”

It was my turn to chuckle. Still looking out over the water, I responded. “Jealous of Jordan for getting to kiss you, or jealous of you for having someone to kiss?” Hay’s mouth twitched, and she looked like she was about to say something, but I plowed on. “On the first, no, sorry. Gay, remember?” She smiled. “On the second? Yeah. Definitely.”

Hay smiled, a little sadly. “Well, what about Jeff?”

“What about Jeff?”

She laughed a hollow laugh. “Remember when I told you that I knew you were gay because you didn’t hit on me? Well, I had that fact confirmed for me by the way you kept staring at one of the guys in my algebra class. You are so transparent when you like a guy, Byron.” She patted my knee. “So I know you like Jeff.”

I threw my hands up. “So what if I do? He’s straight, Hay. Remember, the ex?”

She waved that away. “Trust me on this, By. Jeff likes you, too. Maybe even more than you like him.”

My cheeks grew warm as I remembered Jeff’s arms around my body. “Weren’t we talking about you, here?” I demanded.

Hay laughed again, a little happier this time. “What’s there to talk about anyway? I came, I saw, I made out.”

I turned to her finally, leaving the calming waves of the ocean on the edge of my vision. “Yeah, but why now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just what I said: why now? I’ve been your friend for three years, and in all that time you’ve never even been on a date. And you could have, so it’s not like you were just waiting around for some guy to ask you. If I remember correctly, even that guy in your algebra class that I had a huge crush on asked you out.” She laughed again, back to sounding fake. More ‘ha-ha’ than her silent, happy laugh. “So I just don’t get it. Why not go out with some of those guys?”

The sky had started to darken with clouds, and now her face did the same. “Maybe not enough time had passed,” she said, sounding sad and lost.

I grabbed the arm closest to me. “Not enough time had passed since what?” I demanded.

Hay tore my hand off her arm with her free hand and scooted away from me, scrambling to her feet. “You’re really going to make me say it?” she asked, now adding angry to the sadness. “This is payback for outing you, isn’t it?” she accused.

“Say it, Haley.”

She backed away from me, down the pier. “Dammit, Byron. Please. Let it go,” she pleaded.

I shook my head as I got to my feet. I didn’t know exactly what she was going to say, but I knew it was big. “Not until you say it.”

She started to cry, angry, hurt tears. “I was raped,” she said in a voice just above a whisper.

In seconds I had my arms around her and she put her head on my shoulder. She cried soundlessly for a few minutes, and then wiped her face on my jacket. “I’ve never said that before,” she told me.

I eased up on the hug and put some distance between us so I could see her face. I didn’t say a word, but my expression said, “Talk about it.”

She read it right away. She pulled out of my arms and started walking back down the pier as drops of rain began to fall. “Do you remember a girl Vanessa and I used to hang out with named Diane?” I fell into step with her and shook my head. “I didn’t think so. She was more my friend than Vanessa’s. Well, she had this brother. Three years older than me and Diane. Gorgeous. His name was Dominic.”

I thought about that for a moment and remembered a Dominic Dumschat who was two years ahead of me in school. Hay was right. He was gorgeous, but more than a little arrogant. I nodded or her to continue.

“Well, the summer before high school, Vanessa and I went over to Diane’s to hang out. Dominic was there, and he started flirting with me. When we left, he followed me out of the house and asked me out. Vanessa said I shouldn’t do it, but I said yes.” She sniffled. I found myself wishing I was one of those people who carried tissues in his pocket. “The first two dates were okay. On the first, he kissed me goodnight. It wasn’t my first kiss, but it felt like the first one that counted, you know?” I knew exactly what she meant. “On the second date, he drove me home in his car and he reclined both our seats back and kissed me for a while. I was so thrilled because here was this cute senior making out with silly little freshman me.”

She stopped for a moment. Jordan was running down the beach toward us, holding an umbrella. He was still far enough away that he couldn’t hear. The rest of her story came out in a tumble of words. “But on the third date, he took me in the backseat. I was thinking, maybe we’ll lie across the seat and mess around like we had the night before. And that’s how it started.” She started to cry again. “But when he hit second base, I panicked and told him to stop. He told me not to be a tease. And then he pulled out a condom....” Hay was crying too hard to go on, but she didn’t really need to, anyway. I had the picture. More of the picture than I wanted, in fact. Suddenly, I knew that if I ever saw Dominic Dumschat again, I’d kick his ass.

Jordan joined us a moment later. “Everything okay?” he asked Hay, looking at me like I was the cause of her tears.

I answered for her. “I just told her a really sad story that ended with a dog getting hit by a car. I cried the first time I heard it, too.”

Jordan may be many things, but stupid is not one of them. He didn’t believe a word I said. “Um, okay,” he said, knowing that something more was going on. He moved to put an arm around her again, but she sidestepped him. He looked hurt and confused at the same time.

I caught Hay’s eye. “You got some tissues in that huge purse of yours?” I asked. She nodded, slowly, her tears subsiding again. “I’ll go to the car and get them for you.”

She caught my hand. “No. Jordan, do you mind? Please?” He nodded, unhappy, and took the car keys from her. After he was out of earshot, she continued the story, picking up ‘after.’ “Vanessa and I got into a big fight over it. That was the day you walked me home. She basically told me it was my fault.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “She told you it was your fault you got raped?”

Hay looked up at me over her shoulder. “Well, I didn’t say the word. I told her Dominic had gotten ‘handsy.’ She said you should expect nothing less with a seventeen year old and that she’d told me not to go out with him. I think she was really surprised when I cursed her out.” She started walking to where we could see Vanessa, Adam and Jeff smashing the sandcastle we’d worked on for hours.

I followed. “She wouldn’t have said that if she’d really known what happened.” Hay nodded, and she started walking directly in front of me. Probably so that I couldn’t see her face. “You’ve really never told anyone this before? Not even your mom?”

A head shake. “No,” she said, her voice muffled by the wind and the rain, “I didn’t want to get in trouble. My mom would have never let me go out with Dominic. Too old. So I told her I was hanging out at Diane’s when we went out.”

Jordan met us, holding Haley’s purse. She had stopped crying but her face was wet from tears and rain, so she pulled out a tissue anyway. Jordan watched her intently as she wiped her face and stuffed the tissue in her pocket. “Thanks,” she said, grinning at him. Jordan smiled back, and Hay reached out to take his hand. He looked shocked and pleased as he squeezed her hand and they walked back to our crew. I followed, a few steps behind, wishing I had a tissue for my own face.

***

We had planned to leave the beach and take a walk that afternoon, but the weather had different plans for us. We went back to the motel, tired and wet, and in some cases, emotionally drained. Hay begged off and went to the girls’ room to take a nap, while Vanessa decided on a hot shower and also retreated to the girls’ room. The four of us guys all looked at each other, not sure what to do with the next couple hours. It’s not as if there were too many options.

We played a few rounds of bullshit with the cards before we got bored with that. Vanessa had rejoined us by that point. I got up to use the john, and when I came back, Jordan and Vanessa were gone. “Emergency chocolate run,” Jeff explained.

Adam flipped on the television and the three of us vegged in front of the set for about an hour. I looked at the alarm clock between the beds and blinked. “They’ve been gone a long time for chocolate,” I commented. Jeff and Adam exchanged a look. “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.

“Oh,” Adam said, like the thought had just occurred to him, “Jordan might have decided to maybe let Vanessa drive the car around for a while.”

I sat bolt upright. “What?”

Jeff was extremely casual about it. “She mentioned that your parents had never let her try driving in the rain.”

Internally I was screaming. Both Jeff and Adam were watching me closely, so I took a deep breath. “Oh.” They stared at me, waiting for me to blow a gasket. I turned my back for a second and took another breath. “I’m going to go take a shower,” I said, barely looking at them.

I walked calmly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I was pretty sandy and gross, but I mostly just wanted to get away from them. As I washed my hair, I thought hard about how other people saw me. There’s one thing I’ve never understood. They tell you not to give in to peer pressure or worry about how other people think of you all the time while you’re growing up. But at the same time, they tell you to do this or that to make yourself look good or fit in. We wear deodorant and say please so we don’t offend others. There comes a time when you can’t have it both ways.

Old Byron would have flipped out that Jordan was letting an unlicensed driver behind the wheel of the car. New Byron, whoever he was, wanted to say, “Screw them. If they wreck the car, it’s on them. I have nothing to do with it,” and let it go. I wasn’t sure that New Byron was so much better.

I turned off the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look any different than I had a week ago. Same long brown hair. Same blue eyes. Same face that probably needed a shave. Yet I felt different. Older, maybe. More mature. Definitely more honest.

Jordan and Vanessa were back by the time I came out of the shower. “Bring me any chocolate?” was all I said to them.

#bsc fanfic 2013

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