#at the same time idk how to handle the level of emotions that go through me when i do

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

At this point it's just depressing how scared I am to watch new MHA episodes, even knowing what happens from the manga, all because my emotions get so extreme.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading trigun in japanese 5 - vash is. super good with kids

disclaimer: more triangulation purposes etc etc

so i mentioned before in my part 3 that the japanese language has an inbuilt hierarchy quirk to it. and i kind of noticed this nuance getting somewhat lost in the english translation, either because again i have skill issues with english, or that EN inherently doesnt come with the same quirk.

elaborating a bit more: this hierarchy of position/standing can be determined by age, profession, occupation, and experience. in terms of hard priority, age and profession tends to take precedence over everything else.

this means effectively, vash being over 150 should be top dog and given respect in JP/Asian context (respect your elders! or else!!), but because he 1) looks 24, 2) uses very immature speech with strangers, 3) uses boku, hes effectively keeping his head down and posing as a dumbass schmuck.

ヴァッシュの兄貴　行っちまうのか！？ Big bro Vash, you're leaving?! (兄貴 = aniki = big bro but informal and can be used for no blood relations)

so schmucky that he has no problems handling children. in fact, in the JP version during his departure on the sand steamer, the kids call him Big Bro Vash. twice! so he's earned their adoration in no time flat.

ヴァッシュの兄貴—ッ Big Bro Vash!!

leaving the translation like that ^ wouldnt flow well in english, so rip. also. cute scene.

and yet his meeting with Kaite is chaotically bad to say the least. i mean, he even gets drugged and knocked out. Kaite does not respect the guy who gave him food at all and plans to seemingly feed him 3 meals a day for the entire trip. so how? well.

once Brilliant Dynamites Neon comes in and turns things serious, Vash's starts doing a few interesting things.

skipping forward this and that. after getting almost blown off the sand steamer, vash holds onto kaite and they both cling on for dear life:

もうちょっと登れば通風口があるよ mou chotto noboreba tsuufucou ga aru yo If we can climb a little higher there's a ventilation duct そーか　そーか　今行こうすぐ行こう souka souka ima ikou sugu ikou Okay, okay, let's get going right now!

added romanji and color to highlight how vash is repeating phrases in his line. the そーか　そーか souka souka and 行こう 行こう ikou ikou repeats are there as if to 1) make himself sound immature, and 2) to reassure kaite that things are under control.

only touching on the bottom right panel. another possible reading of that line:

助けて頂いてありがとうございましただろう Situations like these are where you should say "thank you very much for saving my life" instead!

はいそーでした!!!

Now say it!!!

he's chiding kaite and doing the very asian adult thing of teaching the youngin manners in terms of tone. but in a stern funny way no offense taken way bc, as you might have noticed...

vash is deliberately putting himself on the same level as a kid. in tone in standing in speech. hes not being condescending. hes not lording his status as an adult over a child. (something something christ like but in the context of jp... hehe.)

this is ultimately what gets tough nut kaite to trust vash to get down to business to defeat The Neon. even without the words hes visually getting himself to be on the same (eye) level with kaite. i think its so good alsdjfdsa

kaite starts crying after thinking of his dad and regretting what he's done, gets caught in a regret reflection loop, but vash brings him back to reality. like this:

な に を 感 傷に ひ た って る か な こい つ は

another reading of this "What the hell are getting all sentimental for now ya brat?!" line might be "What. Good. Is. It. To. Lose. Your. Grip. On. Yourself. Now. You. Dummy?!"

with this he puts kaite's head back into reality and readjusts both their priority.

so again. vash just. is good with kids. his emotional intelligence is through the fucking roof as proven by all the other moments throughout tristamp and trimax*

idk its warms me bc. the asian confucius hierarchy is so... yuck. im technically of chinese descent so i know how fucked it is. so. vash is really cool with this slightly extra japanese asian hierarchy context.

i think this aspect of vash is something i dont see in english fanworks a lot, and not in the same tone. on the other hand, i do see this a lot in the jp fanworks. so idk exactly what factors or if im looking in the wrong places, but yeah. vash is good with kids. just like wolfwood.

again, studio orange understood the assignment and gave some of that dynamic here to Tonnis.

are they called studio orange bc im meant to squeeze stampede for all its worth or what. stampede is actually incredible to me im in awe.

bonus:

the jp version of the left text says roughly:

"I'm cursed!! I must be! By either the reaper or a god of misfortune and or more!!"

yeah he specifically says Shinigami and Binbougami. i dont think that would translate well in en bc this kinda throws the catholicsm theme into a bit of a tailspin LMAO. (also. the Ore here. note the context.)

[bivht]

Moon Sign in the Persona Charts Observations

-

Idk why but I’m obsessed with looking at moon signs. The moon sign traits are always the most noticeable to me

🎒People that have that look-at-me factor may have Leo moon in the moon pc or venus pc. If in Moon pc, they can attract attention just by breathing. With Venus pc it’s more like they have to be interacting, talking with another person for people to notice them. Because Venus is about relations. Both stand out in center positions.

🎒If someone’s moon sign is the same as your mercury sign in the moon/mercury/venus/mars pc, they understand each other quite well. The moon will appreciate the mercury’s way of expressing themselves and the mercury finds the moon familial and is comfortable around them. I have a lot of friends with this compatibility.

🎒If two people have the same moon sign in the mercury pc, they seem like a couple sorry. Their way of thinking is so similar. These are the people that can look at each other and know what the other one is thinking without saying anything. Their bond transcends the limitations of speech.

🎒Virgo moon in the mercury pc have to be the most respectful, grateful, polite people I’ve ever met. They’re good at handling and navigating through situations in a professional environment because they’re unbiased and “right place right time” appropriate sort of people. They have strong boundaries with their personal details and with physical contact and can be slow to trust people. They have a sort of perfect look to them. Not necessarily their appearance but more like their self expression. I notice a lot of them tend to be on the slimmer side. They tend to eat until comfortably full rather than stuffed. They don’t bite more than they can chew and don’t make promises they can’t keep. 10/10 respectable people.

🎒Trust an earth moon in the mercury pc/moon pc to give an honest review. They avoid using emotive words like “best” and “most” and instead take time to analyze the pros and cons whilst being respectful. They’re not gullible, not dramatic but realistic and true skeptics.

🎒Aries moon in the mercury pc/mars pc are so hot!!

🎒Not an astrology observation but people who lack these letters in their name—-> b,k,t,e,n,w,h,q,z are terrible at math for some reason. Or just very slow to learn math concepts. Even if you have one of these letters in your name, it has to be prominent, meaning: first letter, second letter, first vowel, last letter. This is more of an assumption so please let me know if it resonates.

🎒People with an abundance of air moons in the moon/mercury/venus/mars pc stare at people a LOT

🎒Air moons in mercury pc make for stimulating conversation, gossip, but are kind of detached. I wouldn’t go for deep convos with them unless they also have Fire and Water too.

🎒Earth moon in mercury pc = that friend that never lets anyone in their house

(but they’ve been to your house countless times)

🎒Virgo moon in mercury pc is another level of private especially when it comes to relationships. I swear more than scorpio moons. Most other moons will tell you who they have a crush on early. Virgo moon could be secretly pining for so long and then you find out they’ve already confessed to their crush whom you didn’t even know about and been together for a month. They also don’t like to talk about relationship problems with anyone other than their partner and don’t like people—>strangers/acquaintances asking about their relationship so yeah respect their boundaries.

🎒Sagittarius moon in mercury pc like to tease and provoke their partner. Sometimes they may like to make their partner jealous and they also get jealous easily. They know how to have fun, enjoy life and a big, hearty meal!! Big biters. They are definitely foodies haha. They can have adorably chubby cheeks bc they eat a lot unless they have fast metabolism. They pull funny faces. Lowkey the opposite of virgo moon.

🎒Taurus moon in mercury pc is also a foodie but the difference is they take time to appreciate each bite whereas sag just stuffs their face lmao a little too self rewarding but at least they’re having a good time

🎒Taurus, Sag, Cancer = ultimate foodies

🎒Most earth moons in mercury pc are so grateful, humble and down to earth especially virgo. Sag and pisces in mercury pc can come off as ‘out of touch’ as these signs are less comfortable in mercury (I forgot the word for it). I can imagine rich kids with sag/pisces moon in merc pc being insufferable yikes.

🎒Gemini moon in mercury pc is eccentric but in a charming way?

🎒Pisces moon in mercury pc are so “wrong time wrong place” people, it’s weirdly hilarious. They’re either the embodiment of TMI or so mysterious you hardly know anything about them

🎒Fire moons in the moon pc are so entertaining. They’re delivery is always hilarious bc they’re so dramatic and passionate. People are attracted to them like moths to a flame

🎒Scorpio moon in mercury pc and Aries moon in mars pc are scary as. Don’t want to be on their bad side. Scorpio anger is more of a silent, fatal, death stare whereas Aries is explosive, fuming anger. They’re fiercely loyal and protective of their loved ones but the down side is they can be biased; defending the person in the wrong sometimes

🎒Moon signs in the same element get along really well I.e. capricorns get along with virgo and taurus. Aries get along with Leo and sag. For example, same-element-moons in the mercury pc can be completely different people but understand each other so well. In mars pc, they have similar energy and hype each other up, they’re each other’s personal hype man lol

🎒I feel like signs with the same modality attract each other. For example sag moon and virgo moon in mercury pc (modality: mutable) both have such different beliefs and values yet they appreciate traits in the other that they lack and get along well as friends. For example virgo is professional and stoic, and sag is funny but their bond is built on mutual respect rather than similarities between each other. And also, one of my virgo moon in merc pc friend likes a lot of celebrities with sag moon in merc pc (can’t remember who, my bad).

🎒Gemini moons in moon pc think through their emotions rather than feel. They overanalyse social interactions more often than not

🎒Sometimes sag in mercury pc can be ungrateful. They always want more, more, more without showing gratitude, for example with food especially. Sometimes they need to sit back and smell the roses.

🎒Aquarius moon in the moon pc is really detached. Throw in a bit of Pisces and it’s just a whole unstable mess. In extreme cases, narcissism/serial killers/psychotism. I can imagine because at their worst, pisces is delusional, and aquarius has the ability to detach from any emotion including empathy.

🎒Aries moon in moon pc have self respect. They never say anything to belittle themselves. They’re honest and don’t appreciate pity and so they talk about their hardships in a normal tone (not a pitiful one). They’re also arguably the most hardworking people out there and you’ll never be bored around them once you get to know them.

🎒Capricorn moons have impeccable patience and they’re really so caring, parental like

🎒Capricorn/scorpio moon in Jupiter pc is so subtly powerful, I love them

🎒Scorpio moon in venus pc’s intense stare >>>>>>>>>>>>>

🎒Libra moon’s habit of copying their partners habits, speech patterns, fashion and interests is so cute. Matching couple outfits/bracelets etc. are their jam

🎒Cancer/Pisces moon in mars pc can get teary eyed when someone raises their voice at them. They’re also very comfortable to be around

🎒Libra moon in the mars pc is so chill like they just don’t give a shit

🎒Capricorn moon in the mars pc is really good at this ——-> 😐

stone faced hot mfs

🎒Leo moons are sooo funny especially moon/mars/jupiter pc

🎒Fire moons in the mars pc are a whole load of fun and dramatic

🎒Aries moon in mercury pc is really resilient and they rarely give up on their goals. Sag moon in mercury pc on the other hand just sometimes can’t be bothered. The most important thing for them is to have fun and be entertained. Leo is kind of a bit of both.

🎒Pisces moon in the moon pc like to vent to people and play the blame game before taking action and solving whatever problem. They’re also healing to be around and very empathetic.

🎒Taurus moon and gemini moon in moon pc get along quite well

🎒Virgo moons can be so naggy but it’s how they show their love

🎒Virgo moon in mercury/venus pc is the type to immediately wash their dishes after eating. Sag moon in mercury pc is the type to leave uncleaned dishes on the dining table after eating, then eat more in the middle of the night and so adding more dirty dishes to the table overnight and then the stack of dirty dishes continue to go neglected for a few days or even longer. They’d make for an interesting horrible roommate duo.

Also thank you so much for 700 followers!! I love you guys ❤️ Enjoy this post.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

How bout teen!reader and the other women in the ROR family humiliating the men for teasing the reader after practically passing out from period cramps? Idk which men you'd think of when I say that it'd be like, them thinking that reader was just being overly dramatic and that the pain wasn’t so bad, and then Brunhilde and Shiva’s wives make them go through this things that you plug in your abdomen to simulate period cramps? Well, yeah, that and then they kund of understand why reader nearly died. I'm just venting because my colleagues are so annoying about this when they don’t even know what it feels like, lol <3

-You were curled up in Parvati’s arms, a pout on your face as you held the hot water bottle to your stomach while Brunnhilde was yelling at the male gods and warrior, the ones who laughed at you.

-Your unwanted monthly visitor was never the same, and this month, she decided to mess you up with such bad cramps that you nearly fainted, which was worrying for your family, but as soon as they knew you were all right, they found out why and many of the men in your family were quickly laughing.

-This wasn’t funny to you- this was torture, and it was only when you started crying, overwhelmed with emotions, that Aphrodite, Shiva’s wives, and the Valkyries stepped in to discipline the men.

-Kali gave the men all a lesson on what happens during a woman’s shark week, on how the uterus is basically trying to kill itself since it didn’t get what it wanted, and how no two women’s shark weeks were the same and some, like you, sometimes had severe symptoms.

-Some did sympathize with you and other women, but it was Aphrodite who suggested a more hands on approach to this lesson and produced a cramp simulator for every single person who laughed at you.

-Once they were all hooked up, a few, like Loki and QSH, complained, asking if they really had to do this.

-You were given a bowl of ice cream as you curled up on the couch as Brunnhilde took control of the remote, “Laugh by the end of this and you will be forgiven.”

-Twenty minutes later, you were the only laughing, along with the other women, as many of the men were unable to even move, after going from level one to level fifteen in cramps.

-You were pretty sure a few had passed out themselves, while others were shaking, sweating heavily, and gasping for air- this was not fun! This was torture!!

-Once the devices were removed, Aphrodite smirked down at all of them, once they were all awake, “Now then- would anyone like to laugh this time?”

-There was nothing but silence as her answer before Apollo spoke, “You have to deal with that every month?!”

-Durga gave a small nod, “Almost every woman does, but it’s never the same, one month it might be mild and only last three days, others you might be crippled and suffer for a whole week!”

-Eyes went wide- this wasn’t natural before Loki spoke, not being rude, “How do you guys handle this!” a few glances between the women were sent around before Parvati spoke up, “It’s expected of us to continue going about our lives as if nothing is wrong.”

-Eyes went wide, like they didn’t believe before the ladies all started taking turns telling the comments that you and they have been forced to endure, “It can’t be that bad!”, “You’re just faking it to get out of doing stuff.” “Still gotta go to work!”, “Need to take care of the kids!”, “Gotta clean the house!”, “Need to go to school.”, “Don’t talk about that- it’s gross and unnatural.”, “Oh you must be on your period!”, “Not to mention we have to deal with things like breakouts, headaches, and bloating- just to name a few.”

-You were the one who then finished the argument, “Even if we’re in pain, or like me when I almost passed out earlier- we’re expected to pretend that we’re okay as society expects that from us.”

-You’re pretty sure that you all got the point across, especially after Buddha cuddled you, hugging you while you were wrapped in a fluffy blanket. Shiva was showering his wives with affection, apologizing to them for every incident that he was insensitive towards them.

-Now if you could just get every other male on earth to understand what it feels like to have a period- then maybe more things would change.

[the-crimson]

I am so fascinated by when q!bbh talks to the eggs like they are real and when he’s talking to them as a standin for the real thing. I think it’s mostly a tone of voice/body language thing but there is definitely a difference.

(Discussions of q!bbh’s hallucinations and deteriorating mental health. I’m not a mental health professional this is just how I’m interpreting his story so far)

There is a difference between when bbh is delusional and talking to them like they are real and when he knows they aren’t but talks to them as a way to vent his grief.

Today and yesterday in contrast with the last few weeks are kinda what helped me solidify my view on this. He indeed talked to the eggs like they were here but it felt different to me. It felt like he was talking to pictures. It felt like he was using the pictures as representations of the eggs instead of actual eggs as he has in the past. He’s talking to them, not conversing with them. Idk if I’m making any sense XD

The moment that really made me think was when Bad said goodbye to the eggs the other day in a way that made it sound like he was fucking dying. There was a sober ness to his voice and a stillness to his body language that was so incredibly grounded. It felt like a soldier at war saying goodbye to a picture of their loved ones before going off to die in battle.

All of today felt the exact same way. Bad was carrying around a picture of Dapper and Pomme most of the day but it never felt like he was talking to them to me. There was a soberness and wistfulness on top of the immense grief that felt different. He made the whole party to celebrate Dapper’s birthday and acted like they were gonna come home while around others but at the end of the day when he was alone, he just sat there and quietly read a letter to Dapper. He wasn’t disappointed or distraught that they didn’t attend the party… he was just sad. Through out today’s stream he seemed to play up the crazy around others when before he continued the crazy into the privacy of his house. Do I think bbh’s mental health troubles are solved now that he got a good sleep? HELL NO he’s still hallucinating to a much smaller degree and has significant memory loss. It’s only a matter of time before he breaks again.

But I want to jump back to before his breakdown because the way he talked to the eggs was fascinating. At first, weeks ago, it felt natural. He wanted to express how he felt to his kids but they were gone so he talked to a picture just to get the emotions out. He knew they weren’t real, he knew they couldn’t hear him, but it was a way to vent his grief. But over time as his mental health worsened the way he spoke to them/his tone of voice changed. The way he approached them and his body language changed. He was much more energetic and you could feel how much he needed them to be real. You could tell he knew on a logical level they weren’t real but emotions ignore all logic. There was desperation and urgency in his voice as he approached the pictures and prompted conversations with the eggs. Part of him knew it was pretend but the mind’s defense mechanisms against pain hold no prisoners.

Then at the very end just before his mental break Bad had completely lost sight of reality. Dapper’s room was a special place where he allowed the delusions to roam freely. While out about talking with others he could handle the weight of their disappearance because he allowed himself room for his delusions in a safe space. He allowed himself time to indulge in the fantasy without letting it consume him - by keeping it confined to Dapper’s room.

This isn’t new either. Bad has been using this method of keeping his delusions/longing in check for months via his diamond Skeppy statues. He talks to them like they are real because it’s a way to vent his longing and the pain of being separated from his soulmate. It’s no surprise this coping method eventually spread to the eggs.

Then we come to the big break where Bad’s ability to distinguish between reality and delusion was completely compromised. It began with the idea that the federation might have tampered with his memories (the ticket could have been from a previous visit) and that fact caused his paranoia to spiral when Aypierre told him to look around his house for something. The combination of these two events in addition to the lack of sleep and build up of the last months caused bbh’s mind to snap entirely.

Bad doesn’t remember anything that happened after he left Max’s base. That’s two whole days he doesn’t remember and bbh doesn’t even notice. He’s in such a daze and emotionally/physically exhausted after the break that he literally doesn’t notice a massive blank spot in his memory. He doesn’t question why he was in Ron’s cell and why the cell was a mess. He wasn’t capable of thinking clearly because - often times - after a mental break like this or a significant dissociative episode, the mind is too exhausted to really process information. I’m honestly shocked bbh was able to handle Fred’s investigation as well as he did but then again manipulation and generally being a menace is as easy as breathing for bbh.

What makes analyzing q!bbh’s mental health so difficult is that he plays up the pathetic sad card in front of other people. His whole plan with Fred was to convince him that he’s just a sad loser who misses his kids - and it worked. Bad has always wanted people to underestimate him so it’s so incredibly difficult to tell when he’s intentionally playing into the crazy and when it’s genuine.

Like today with Dapper’s party. He was inviting everyone into his house left and right which is a massive sign he isn’t okay because he never lets anyone into his house ever. Was he bringing everyone here so they could see how pathetic and sad he is? Was he genuinely trying to celebrate the eggs birthday with as many guests as possible? His tone at the start of the stream, the soberness as he addressed all the dead eggs, was completely different than his performance during Dapper’s party. The drastic tone shift when bbh is alone vs with others is so stark and intentional. We know bbh is putting on a performance for others - he’s confirmed this in character - but how much of it is a performance?

Idk if any of this is coherent but the evolution of the way bbh interacts with the egg photos has been fascinating to watch and tells us so much about where he’s at mentally. Bbh has never been in a “good” spot mentally but everything since the election has been a seizeless downward spiral. He’s playing puppet master with his grand plan and is clinging to this plan so desperately that he’s ignoring all the red flags that he’s losing control, that he’s dying. All that matters is his plan. He doesn’t care if he loses himself along the way. As he’s said before, he is expendable. He’s a necessary sacrifice to bring the eggs home. He needs to keep it together just long enough. Anything else is a luxury.

[sibylsleaves]

i really liked your take on the buddie apology and it not being shown on screen.

ive also been thinking about how even though the basketball game may be upsetting to watch from an audience perspective, its perfectly in character for eddie to not be upset about it. this is a man who once joined an illeagle fight ring and nearly killed a man rather then deal with his emotions asdfgjhk. if ANYONE understands processing your feelings through physical violence, its eddie.

is this a healthy way to handle jealousy? god no. does buck need to do some self work on this? yeah probably. but a Fictional Character in FICTION forgiving someone is not the same as giving a stamp of approval on the behavior in real life.

I mean, I also think there's a world of difference between "knocked someone a little too hard at the pick-up game" and like. if Buck had walked over to Eddie and just shoved him to the ground for no reason.

Sports get rough sometimes, even if it's supposed to be a friendly pick-up game, once the adrenaline starts going and people get competitive, yeah a bad foul like that can happen. Idk if it's just because I watch a lot of basketball (where fouling like that is commonplace) but I honestly didn't think it was this huge deal everyone was making it out to be. Like yeah, they're not playing in the NBA and it's a dick move to get THAT worked up at a pick-up game (and if I was the guy organizing it I might hesitate to invite him back or at least give him a talking to about sportsmanship 😂) but it's the kind of thing that can happen sometimes. And we as the audience obviously know why Buck's worked up and feeling competitive.

I do understand people getting more upset about it once Buck tells Maddie he "doesn't know" if he meant to hurt Eddie, but I think we also have to take into account that Buck is not necessarily a reliable narrator about his own motives. I don't think he ever on ANY level meant to hurt Eddie/cause him pain, but he certainly recognized something had gotten him worked up to the point where he fouled him like that. He registered that he was taking out some of his frustration on Eddie, and in typical Buck fashion he's guilt-spiraling about it and thinking like oh my god did I hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE am I a terrible person do I need to be put down like a rabid dog??? We've seen this from Buck before (ie in s5 when he decides to quit the team because it's "his fault" Chimney left, telling Eddie in s3 that maybe his fight club stuff was because of Buck, etc.)

I honestly was pretty surprised to come to tumblr and see people freaking out in all directions (either saying it was OOC for Buck or that he should like, go grovel on his knees to Eddie for 40 days and 40 nights).

Idk typing this out makes me feel like maybe it IS just people not understanding the sport of basketball--in a lot of sports, shoving someone like that would be totally out of pocket. But if you ever watch an NBA game, you'll see dudes getting slammed in the paint like that all the time and sometimes it won't even get called as a foul. It's certainly bad behavior in a fun little friendly game, but it's not like. Completely outside the bounds of how the sport is played. And does not, in MY opinion, rise to the level of intentional physical violence.

[crazilust]

Astro notes (3)

Hello, I’m back with a third astro notes. Please disregard anything that doesn’t make you feel good, remember these are just personal observations <3

———————————

* Virgos really are a mess. They will do their best to keep the organized, put together persona, but the mess they’re going through behind closed doors is actually so intense. Whenever I get close to a Virgo, I’m a little shook tbh.

* Kinda unrelated to my normal content, but I really wonder how Dream (the youtuber) is handling the constant attacks to his physical appearance being a Leo and such. He kinda seems unfazed and keeps posting pics of him and videos, but idk. I’m curious how he’s handling it privately.

* I really do love me a fire x earth sign combo. Wether it’s friendship or relationship, I find them so energetic and chaotic lmao. Now, I’m gonna be honest I do think as a friendship, it works better. I also think each person has to have a varied chart in order to work. Someone with too much earth won’t really tolerate the intensity of the fire sign, and vice versa.

* Aries are not only trend setters, most of the time they are the ones to break generational traumas, mindset or traditions. They really, truly, do not give a fuck about what’s been done in the past or “what’s the right way to do this”. Lady Gaga, I believe, is the personification of that. On a personal level, it can definitely get annoying to deal with an Aries, but once you understand that they act that way because they’re trying to better themselves and by extension the world around them, it gets easier.

* Capricorns really fascinate me. I know the stereotypes around Caps is that they’re hardworking, focused on money, overly serious etc. I think part of it is true, but I think it depends on when you do meet them. If it’s before their Saturn return, you might actually meet a version of them that is actually struggling, quite immature, bad with money and overall disorganized. Remember, Saturn is severe and harsh. He doesn’t make it easy for its natives and I think it kind of explains why in the beginning of their lives, Caps are so all over the place. They get it together at one point though, and some become the stereotypical Capricorn.

* Also, on Capricorn, I’ve noticed they don’t really like when people mention their past selves. I mean, no one does, but with Caps it seems even more severe. It’s like they’re trying their hardest to dissociate from that past self that didn’t meet their ideals. I know a lot of Capricorn that even go by different names than their younger self. Crazy.

* Each element has their strength. Fire signs, it’s their will. Air signs, their intellect. Water signs, their emotions. Earth signs, their consistency. In the same vein, that same strength can quickly turn into their worst flaw. Fire signs can get really egotistical when trying to reach their goals. Air signs have a tendency to be condescending and mock others for their emotional reactions. Water signs can use emotional manipulation tactics to get what they want. Earth signs can get often stuck in their ways, no matter how toxic or unhealthy it may be.

* Cancer in 12th makes you despise your emotions, even when you rationally know that “it’s okay to feel that way”. Most often than not, they project that hatred/disdain towards other people and can’t tolerate really emotional people.

* We have to stop thinking that only earth signs and the sign of Leo is an indicator of fame. Sure, they can be indicator, but I do believe that we disregard the many types and layers of fame. Also, the way celebrities will interact with their fanbase and how they’re remembered is important. I truly believe every sign can be famous, but it won’t manifest the same. Is it easier for some signs? Sure. But every sign, using their strength could achieve it.

* Talking about fame. If you really want to achieve it, I think it’d be interesting to use your MC, North node, Mercury, Venus and Rising sign to achieve it. By checking in with your Moon sign needs, you could then regulate the right path for you. Some people truly don’t mind using drama to create traction even if it means hate, while some people could not tolerate it. Anyways, I’ll do a whole other post about it.

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So yea! That’s my comeback y’all. Lmao I’m sorry, life’s been rough. That last retrograde tried to take me outtttt, I swear.

Dolly.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

okay i don’t want to sound like a hater because that scene with kauri was beautifully written and like his trauma response + fucked up coping was so so real

but i guess i’m wondering if you feel there’s a difference in how different characters are “allowed” to feel and respond to things within their relationship dynamics . like, sure antoni gets mad at kauri, but minutes afterward when jake walks in he’s already forgiven kauri and they spend the whole conversation talking about how to make kauri apologizing easier on kauri. it just makes me sad and makes me feel like antoni isn’t allowed to fall apart in the same way kauri is because he’s thinking about how he’s affecting kauri, but kauri doesn’t have the same concern for him.

or, he may have it, but he still drives unsafely with chris in the car, actively scared of him/his driving, out to a bar to take drugs and get drunk, and the thought of how it will affect his husbands doesn’t stop him. where i feel like antoni and jake would never do the same type thing to him or each other, you know? they wouldn’t indulge their worst impulses because they just don’t get to let themselves go to that degree because they’re aware of the people who love them and the people who rely on them.

idk if all that makes sense, but it just made me a lil sad cuz as much as i love hurt kauri this specific storyline makes me feel protective of antoni and the way as soon as he rationally can, he’s shaping his trauma response to be as gentle as possible on kauri, and kauri doesn’t or can’t do the same for him :(

You are not incorrect, Anon. And I did try to write Kauri being more understanding but it wasn't true to how he would react in the immediate moment. I had to let Kauri take his fear and pain to its logical conclusion. Just like Antoni went to his - trying not to think about himself at all, instead turning it around into caring about someone else. They're both handling this terribly, in their own very different ways. Antoni's looks better from the outside because it seems selfless, but they're each committing a kind of self-harm. Antoni by pulling into himself and Kauri by making it his own fault and proof he is fundamentally not worth loving.

I don't think it is about allowance, so much as two men having very different trauma responses. Like, Kauri isn't more sympathetic here. He is arguably far less sympathetic, because he really did take Antoni's pain and make it all about him. And Antoni was right to realize he wasn't able to deal with that and end the conversation until he has some time to think.

Kauri does have the same concern but he can't access it through the very self-focused pain and shame he feels right now. I should note that Kauri is ALWAYS a terrible driver and being upset only worsened it like 20%.

A huge difference between Jake and Antoni and Kauri is actually... impulse control in general. Kauri's emotions overtake his sense of logic. His impulses drive him to do stupid shit first and realize he did stupid shit later, and he doesn't really have a voice inside him that speaks up about it until it's too late. Jake and Antoni don't struggle with that to that level. Antoni actually has the opposite problem. He basically never lets impulse carry him even when it would help.

I think, when I have the time and inspiration to write when Antoni and Kauri talk next, you'll see how they actually can complement each other when things get tough, they just have to each come out of their respective trauma responses enough to do so.

[tsubasa-1999]

Hey, I want to say in advance that this is my opinion and I don’t want to disrespect anybody’s else. Please don’t take anything I say personal.

In the most recent chapter (390) a lot of people have commented that they think that Touya should die or else his character will be ruined. Those comments sadden me because Touya is not a character out of this world with cartoonish motives and back story; he represents the pain of many people in real life that has to deal, in an emotional level with what he went through. To say that Touya has to die is giving the middle finger to every single person that identifies with him, and if you identify with Touya and want him to die I think that you should ask for help(I’m not judging nor am I mocking anyone by saying this, I truly mean it) Touya is a character that, after the Dabi dance, whenever we see him he is having psychotic breakdowns, self harming, crying, and acknowledging that he wants to die. Touya doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his body, he never tries to defend himself when people comment on his appearance and the “weakness” of having his body not be suited for his quirk. He haven‘t have somebody to bent to or rely on in more than a decade; not to mention that crying is something that can ease our pain and release the stress and he can’t even do that now. I really dislike the people of the fandom that fetishize his pain and think that being happy and having a happy ending will ruin his character because there is so much that he needs and real life people like him need.

Touya need to feel wanted and loved, he need to find his own life purpose outside of endeavor, he needs to heal his relationship with his self perception and the way he treat his body; and most important he needs to learn to let go of the people that don’t values him. I truly don’t see him having a close relationship with Endeavor and I think that is for the best. There are so many people that don’t cut off ties with toxic parents that don’t value them and are stuck in relationships with people that don’t give them the respect they deserve. For Touya’s ending I would like him to travel alone, go to college, Idk, just do something for himself and from his own initiative and for the first time see himself as an individual (obviously after going to therapy) I had liked the way he’s been handle right now in the chapters 350-352 he told Shouto all the nasty feelings that he has inside, he insulted him and in a way we saw how he doesn’t even understand the extent of his trauma. He told Shouto, in a way, that if he would’ve born with his powers he would’ve acted like their dad’s perfect child, as if being good enough was going to fix all his problems. He doesn’t understand that, by being his dad perfect masterpiece, he would’ve given up his own individuality, that the love that Endeavor would’ve given him, would have been conditional. He is so blinded by his own pain that he is at the same time (in ch 390) telling his family that he hate them meanwhile fantasizing about being with them and being happy.

Regarding the argument, “he killed 30 people”, even tho I’m not an expert, the way I see it, Touya is a character that disassociates a lot and, because he gets easily overwhelmed, I can see him trying to avoid thinking about the people that he has hurt because, thinking about it almost drove him insane. He is suicidal and giving himself more reasons to kill himself seems fitting to his character. I think of this as the last resource for him to get Endeavor to look at him and for people to associated this deaths with his father, I don’t think he’s necessarily somebody that enjoys killing other. If he was, he would’ve done it before joining the league and, in canon, he didn’t committed any crimes worth mentioning.

To be honest I hope that in the next chapter regarding the todoroki family, he gets to vent about his feeling and we get to see his true self and his inner thought.

Thank you so much for reading.

[uter-us]

So, this is going to be long but I have a couple of questions and you are so eloquent Ive been waiting to find a radblr as level headed to come to abt this. Essentially in the more recent past I engaged with sex and sexual content for for lack of better explanation just sexual issues from childhood and whatnot and I have been trying so incredibly hard to disengage from anything like those bdsm type situations and relationships. I stopped watching porn, even softcore gif type of stuff and I completely stopped shaving a little over a year ago to distance myself entirely from the sort of young girl fetish. But, no matter what I say or how logical I phrase it (or having actually experienced this dynamic with a man) my friends seem to think things like CNC and other bdsm kinks are okay and help people cope. Which I also thought until I acted on it with men and I realized I was dealing with very sick people who got off on my fear and pain and WILL violate trust in small ways until they're too big to ignore. And what can you do but endure what you've been begging for and participating in? I try and negate the blame because I was young (and sidenote: from the age of 11 or so constantly seeing porn and anime hentai and just weird sexual things so easy to find I feel like I almost never had a chance with my predispositions, but still I chose to engage and so many positivity posts for like ddlg and shit like that were EVERYWHERE when I was a teen, most girls I knew saying they are making OFs as soon as they graduate and just no escape of sex in that way) and inexperienced and a heavy alcoholic along with experimenting with drugs for the first time in my life but I'm still sickened by myself. And the worst part was that I did chose it, and sometimes wanted to go farther than I could handle just out of my own intense self destructiveness and trying to awaken memories I had locked away as a sort of control over my mind but all I did was have new memories to lock away and three years of finding myself and fighting so hard to stop drinking about it. I just want to get through to them so they don't go through the same hurt that I did, especially because a friend I'm thinking of specifically went through much more horrific sexual traumas than I and I don't want her to be lost in it a new kind. Do you have any suggestions? Or even articles or reading that I could show her? I try to pepper in screenshots of radfem posts I see acknowledging it but she is very very Barbie movie liberal feminist. Idk. I just don't want her to go through the guilt and the shame and the horror anew after what she's been through after I did and i don't want her to think I'm attacking her because I know I sometimes come across as aggressive when I'm feeling passionate. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like when I make a very valid point trying to be as neutral emotionally as I can it always comes back to "people can cope however they want" and I know this is kinda repetitive lol but like yeah they can. But you're digging your own emotional grave and I know because I've done that already!!! I feel like a crazed hag yelling on top of a soap box on the roadside when I just want these young women to understand that you don't gain power by throwing yours in the toilet!!!

Thank u reading if u take the time I know this is kind of heavy but I would really appreciate feedback if u feel up to it 💛

hey I'm glad you reached out. everything you said sounds and is incredibly distressing. I can empathize with a lot of what you said; I think we've had similar experiences, and also have similar fears for our friends. you're a really kind person to want to look our for your friends, and I'd definitely like to be able to help you as best i can. I want to preface this though by (and I'm sure you've heard this before but I'll never stop saying it!!) you're not to blame, and you should never feel "sickened by yourself" :( these types of things are awful and complicated, but the fault here is never yours. ♡

suggestions on explaining

sometimes it's easier to instead of sending your friends all of the links, to maybe space it out a bit and (in whatever words you'd use,) be like "hey look what I've been reading" and maybe send the link, and (something I've done is) take maybe 1-2 screenshots of the most important parts of the article, and then also use a highlight tool to mark out 1-3 phrases from each screenshot. ideally, they'd just read the full article (and depending on how your friends are they might!) but at least this way you can ensure they won't zone out on really integral parts, and/or this way they can read the integral parts twice yk? this is j a suggestion on how to give the information, but you can give it however is best for your friends to get it!

i also understand that you've had these experiences, and I don't know if it was hard or easy to come to terms w the reality of bdsm/ddlg/cnc/etc, but for some people its especially difficult. i dont know if your friends have engaged in these things (or if youre aware they have), but "sex positivity" and "don't kink shame" is (as I'm sure you're well aware!) such a huge part of libfem ideology :/ it sucks because that makes it very hard to unlearn. and so, if any of these people you're talking to have had these types of experiences, that could make bdsm-related stuff even harder to unlearn only because (I'm referencing the one specific friend u were talking abt), if she's set on it being a "coping mechanism," it might be like that for her (or she's thinking/justifying trying it in the future). (if that doesn't apply to her, then anyone else you discuss this w it might apply to ! at least this is how it goes ime so it depends).

additionally, depending on how libfem they are, it honestly might serve both of yall better to refer to all of this w unisex words/pronouns, only cuz if your number one goal is their safety regarding this type of thing, i think the fact that the dominant/aggressive role or cnc perpetrator is mostly male, and that the submissive/subservient role or cnc victim is generally female, is a seperate conversation. they might be more open to it that way, but use your best judgement! (once they better understand, a follow up topic could be about why the same group of majority rapists irl (aka males) is the same group of majority cnc rapists in fantasies (aka males), but thats typically a seperate conversation)

OF/porn part

okay so first to tackle the OF part. i know it was brief, but here are j some links j incase + some bdsm stuff but specific to porn

OnlyFans Is Not a Safe Platform for ‘Sex Work.’ It’s a Pimp.

OnlyFans is an experiment in mass grooming

OnlyFans is sex work and pornography — stop calling it ‘empowering’

OnlyFans is just another pimp-led pyramid scheme

"ethical" porn / trafficking personal experience (the "Consider Before Consuming" series is very informative, but a lot is graphic so be prepared)

Ex-Porn Performer Describes What BDSM and Abuse Porn Is Really Like

How Porn Played a Role In My Childhood Sexual Abuse || Barbi’s Story

Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star

What Led Me Into the Mainstream Porn Industry || Alia’s Story

bdsm - suggestions for explaining

now for the bdsm stuff. so for starters, something i hear 24/7 abt ddlg/cnc/etc related stuff is "its just a fantasy!" and i think an easy work around for that is j conceding that its a fantasy, and referring to them as "fantasies." i see a lot of feminists focus (imo) too much time trying to prove they arent just fantasies (and i get that in some scenarios which i will get to in a minute), but generally its just irrelevant. if someone was fantasizing about killing people, we would ofc be concerned. EVEN if that person never went on to kill anyone, it should STILL be of concern (including if they were getting aroused by the violence!). similarly to if someone was fantasizing about having sex w a daughter/kid figure or raping someone, we should be concerned. like if im against people pretending to rape others, and someone says "its just a fantasy," that is a worthless statement because i am literally against that too. i am anti rape fantasy too yk?

also if calling them "fantasies" doesn't feel right, you could also call them "situations they enact" or "situations they pretend to do," and you can even tag on at the end a "that they get aroused from." Depending on the context though, "fantasies" might actually do a disservice in that the term usually implies its just in the persons head, as opposed to something they are actively pretending to do to/with someone.

choking / strangulation

so for example, this work around goes out the window when the "fantasies" arent roles being played, and are instead actions like (the unfortunately common) "choking" or "breathplay" aka strangulation. it would be ridiculous to call this a fantasy or pretend when someone is legitimately blocking your airway and blood to your brain. "we cant consent to this" is a UK based group that (i believe?) started in opposition to the rough sex defense. i like this website because they have ample anecdotes (which the personal aspect can be more convincing for some), as well as actual information and statistics which shows the patterns of abuse. (theres more pages worth reading than j those 2 fyi!!)

this is actually another suggestion for explaining, but (especially for choking) its SO normalized that one of your friends might have even tried it on someone else, or (whats more likely still) one of their partners (specifcally bfs) could have done it to them. im saying this because its important that however you say it, its probably in yalls best interest to make it less of a moral judgement, and more like a "some people dont know this -- even the ones doing it -- but choking is actually dangerous!". if shes had a previous bf who she loved or even just liked, i imagine it would feel so hurtful so hear that what he's done is misogynistic or sadistic. i think something important ive had to learn and apply in my own life is gauging when to be more heavy on the feminist part, and when to be more heavy on the safety part, yk? like i remind myself when i have these conversations irl that some if not most of the time, my goal is to make sure the woman/girl understands why its unsafe and not necessarily why its sexist. (obviously use your best judgement on your friends because for some it IS best to talk abt the misogyny too! it just depends ofc)

CNC and DDLG

okay next. the way this woman explains cnc is well done. i think for cnc, ddlg, or other bdsm related stuff, it makes it easier for some to understand when they focus less on the person playing the victim or child, and shine the light instead on the person playing the rapist or pedo/adult or aggressor. its a real dillema that i think is best explained by this quote that ive been trying SO hard to find but i will paraphrase (and if anyone can lemme know if they know it that would be amazing), but its something like "What pro-BDSM activists require is the idea that there are thousands of men who care deeply about the issues of rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, and physical abuse, and also at the same time are aroused by it." Again i dont remember the quote exactly, but its that same sentiment. and its very true! it also forces you to ask, "why does my boyfriend get hard when i pretend to cry?" or "why does he get turned on when I say 'no'?" i think that even if you are pro- "people can cope how they want," you're still left with the scary realization that the life-long traumatic experiences of victims of DV/SA/CSA could just as easily be fantasies for others, and not just fantasies, but fantasies AS THE ABUSER.

things abusers say to intimidate, or things generally violent people say can and are the exact things people say in BDSM spaces. things victims say to escape (or don't say, like w kinks related to passing out or drugged women), or the actions both abusers and victims do, are also used in those BDSM spaces. its worth noting too that like, where are the these ideas coming from? where are they getting their material for fantasies? its sadly a collection of real experiences. sometimes w "twists," but rooted in real violence nonetheless. what came first, a rape kink or rape? the kink came from the arousal to rape. so what does it say about those two groups (cnc perpetrators and rapists) that they both do similar things, say similar things, and get off to similar things? it says something really scary and concerning, ill tell ya that. (plus they don't even have to say its the SAME thing, but the fact that its so similar isn't enough?)

additionally, where do DDLG ppl get the material/words/phrasing/etc for their fantasies? it comes from imitating children and parent conversation, and then pedo dynamics. they are aroused by pretending to talk to and then have sex w a child. the fantasy isnt something that could never happen; they are getting their fantasies from real people's experiences whether they realize it or not.

for example, i got this anonymous message like 2 weeks ago:

someone could have read that to me and told me it was someone into cnc and degredation or something, and how could i not believe it? if i had to determine if this was either a threat, or a line in someones "healthy" sex life, how would I know? despite the fact that one example of these exact words is used for aggression/malice, its scary that it could just as easily be used for arousal! both people are gaining something (power, control, arousal, pleasure) from the statement, so why would i not question ANYONE who is gaining something from that statement, EVEN when consensual.

i also think, kind of going back to the part about where cnc/ddlg/bdsm people's material is sourced (aka rooted in real rape fantasies, sometimes with "twists" or whatever but the root of it is arousal to rape), something really upsetting and sad is the fact that (for example) if someone is aroused by their gf pretending to cry and fight back in bed, if/when the bf is out and about, chances are at least at SOME POINT in his life, he will encounter a woman who was raped. and so this woman, vulnerable and retelling a moment of distress and trauma, describing her rape (or CSA or DV or torture or other experience) could and has described probably thousands of fantasies, some of which he could have participated in. people forget what a strong conditioning tool an orgasm is. do you think kinky sex with his gf wont even cross his mind, like it wont even occur to him that theyve played through this same event? sadly, of course it will. his brain has been conditioned to associate those descriptions/images/etc with sexual pleasure. thats another reason i can never get behind pro-bdsm stuff (like deny the facts now that im aware of them) cuz the stuff the abuser is imagining/pretending/etc has happened, is currently happening, and will continue to actually happen to hundreds of millions of people.

i also want to talk about your friend saying "people can cope how they want to." i think that response is misguided. id love to know where this originated because it seems so contradicting to the types of people who do say this (ime). cuz like ive seen a lot of libfems talk about mental health problems and addiction, and they are great at recognizing that sometimes things that make you feel good temporarily (like substance abuse, self harm, eating disorders), hurt you in the long run. and notice how the things i listed are also coping mechanisms? like yes people CAN cope how they want to, but we shouldnt encourage or even normalize self-destructive behavior (like the compromising and vulnerable and violent and painful scenes and roles in BDSM). imagine if someone was previously an alcoholic and is now sharing why that was so harmful for them. if someone replied "people can cope how they want to," yea thats a true statement, but that doesnt mean anything to what the person is expressing. they are saying they DID choose to cope how they wanted to, and now they are sharing how harmful that was in order to prevent others from making that same mistake

futhermore, my second point to that "let people cope how they want to" statement, would be the implication that statement suggests. the basis of the statement says that yes, there are people who engage in bdsm-related sex in order to cope with that trauma. but that implies there is also a group of people who take advantage of that in order to get aroused!

(this MIGHT be a time when its worth recognizing the sexist patterns. since female ppl make up the majority of victims of SA, and also the majority of submissive roles in bdsm, and additionally that males make up the majority of perpetrators of SA, and also the majority of dominant roles in bdsm, this could help solidify your case that patterns show what group is most likely to want that dominance/control, and who to get it from. although w this, im sure your friend might bring up "femdom" or dominatrix stuff, and you can look to this short post but if you want further explanation feel free to dm or send another ask, but regardless, thats the minority when it comes to d/s dynamics (hence why its specified its FEMdom, because the standard "dom" doesnt need to tell us its for males, but femdom needs to specify its a woman this time.))

lastly, the WDI is a generally great resource (videos like this one and this one) however I don't suggest at all sharing it w libfem friends cuz (like in both those videos) they include gender critical statements

anyway, hopefully this explanation is helpful, and i hope it goes well with your friend. i appreciate your patience as this took me a few days to get to and finish. i know i didnt cover every base, and theres a lot to be said about this topic, but i hope i sent you in the right direction.

i genuinly am hoping the best for you and your friends. you're a kind person, and I'm glad you were able to reach out. and I'm glad you're cultivating a porn and bdsm -free life! ♡ feel free to dm me anytime.

take sm care and be so safe

[jeanmoreaux]

why did you dislike ses4? and was there anything you enjoyed recently?

oh boy. i think it would be easier to tell you what i DID like about the season. i can count it on one hand. (1) ruby. she's my queen. (2) adam making it explicitly clear that he identifies with the bi label. (3) gillian anderson. she's just soooooo ugh. i love her. (4) NONE OF THE BAD BITCHES CHOOSING OTIS. maeve and ruby both deserve better fr. (5) aimee reclaiming some agency. cannot even think of a sixth thing. that's how bad this season did not worked for me. i said i was not gonna rant but i guess now i am gonna rant a little (trying to keep it short for both of our sakes).

i think there is definitely some more technical and objective stuff that's wrong and with this season and then there is some stuff i personally didn't like but that may work for other people.

objectively, i think the writing was severely lacking in quality. it was SO LAZY. even uninspired. the plot was meandering and the arcs fell extremely flat as a consequence. they randomly introduced interesting internal and external conflicts, sometimes even towards the end of the season, that could have spanned the entire eight episodes, but then they often just drop those ideas like hot potatoes—sometimes by the next episode, sometimes by THE NEXT SCENE (e.g. otis basically taking over a surrogate parent role or feeling like losing his mom, basically everything ruby-centric that wasn't oatis-related, jackson questioning his sexuality, etc.)!! other storylines that didn't have to last for several epsiodes (like jackson's cancer scare) went on for way too long. and the storylines they kept up for several episodes were mostly half-assed. the vivian & beau thing was surface level at most (and rushed af), the ace thing was soooo buried and shoved aside for stupider plotlines (they did o so dirty istfg), same with their approach to adding to the discourse on disability/accessibility, the exploration of jean's sister dealing with her abuse was just almost non-existent, eric's storyline reconciling his sexual and religious identities relied an cheap gimmicks, maeve finding her voice as a writer, jean's postnatal depression (how half-assed that was truly hurt my psych major brain), etc..... and then they dragged these storylines out without giving them any *substance*. like. i SKIPPED two episodes and missed NOTHING (i even did go back to jump through it just now to verify and, yup, did not miss a piece of information i did not gain or infer from the episodes i watched). you know a story is aimlessly wandering around when people can skip 2h of content and not even miss a shrivel of character development. i'd claim almost all storylines and arcs were handled badly. the only one that was well-structured and well-executed (from a storytelling standpoint) was the groff family arc (mind you, not the individual arcs but their arc as a family). AND I DON'T EVEN AGREE WITH THAT STORYLINE FROM AN IDEOLOGICAL STANDPOINT BUT STILL I LIKED IT THE MOST BECAUSE WRITING WISE IT WAS AT LEAST COMPETENTLY HANDLED!!!! like, that's so unfortunate. for me. and don't even get me started on the tonal dissonance WHITIN scenes and BETWEEN scenes. it was so so jarring at times and made the humour NOT land AT ALL (especially the physical humour because holyyy shit what was that). idk if that's editing's fault or if the writers made these decisions or if the producers and executives are to blame, but the inconsistency of mood and tone just really made me feel disconnected from the emotional moment. felt absolutely nothing about what was happening to these characters.

on a more personal level, i took issues with the way they wrote some characters and the content of some arcs. they really reduced maeve's character to nothing (like. i am sorry but her dialogue is so flat and boring, the most meaningful thing she said all season was probably at her mom's funeral.) otis literally learned jackshit. he's still kind of a self-absorbed dick. o was so underutilised and disrespected (they didn't even try to make the ace thing an important plotline). aimee was turned into a grotesque parody of herself. eric's story focusing on religion was HELL to me personally. like, i grew up catholic (which is different to the christianity eric practices but still...), and ngl the way they handled his 'religious' awakening just sent me up the wall. as a queer person who was very involved in church life from a young age and had to reconcile her faith with her queer identity, i felt like his story made a mockery of that struggle and that inner conflict. the visions were ridiculous. it felt like the writers were making fun of the struggle queer people face when (1) wanting to meaningfully engage with faith and religion *OR* (2) wanting to distance themselves from organised religion. additionally it felt like they were making fun of religion & religious faith as a whole, depicting it as this almost psychotic thing to believe in god. and they completely decoupled eric's personal journey to faith from what religion primarily is about for many, many people: community and connection. like, sure, they briefly brushed it i theory, but neglected to real get into the emotional reality and complexity of it. they very much glossed over the fact that religious communities are a source for moral/ethical and social control and even when you disagree with some aspects of the doctrine you will still be affected by it if you grew up in those circles. and your personal reckoning with religion will probably be more tied to THAT (the fear of losing love/support/part of your social circle, ostracisation (because even when you're okay with who you are right from the start it's something that doesn't feel good even when you prepare for it....), feeling disconnected from your former self, struggling to build your own belief system that you feel lie it truly belongs to you etc.). his entire journey was lacking any nuance and complexity in my opinion. and maybe that's because i personally had a different experience reconciling my faith with my sexual identity. i wasn't a self-hating queer either, but breaking away from religion still was a change in my life that impacted me very real and convoluted ways!!! (also like let's be real him becoming a pastor is gonna solve what exactly??? go through the homophobic system to change the homophobic system??? HUH with what power??? you're better of starting a new church fr.) idk. another thing that bugged me was the lack of chemistry in intimate scenes. like. jo and i watched these scenes and. nothing. the lack of chemistry really made me so uncomfortable. it almost made me question if i really do like sex lol. ALSO WHYYYY did they force the aimee and isaac relationship for no reason???? that really didn't have to have to happen. not that i hate it, it's whatever, but i was just so BORING to me. same with the otis and maeve thing. THEY WERE SO BORING. their drama this season was so repetitive and reminiscent of earlier conflicts between them it made me want to rip my hair out. i think i stopped caring about them as a couple after season 2. they don't fit and they don't work yet still the writers were trying to make them a thing for no reason. i could go on but this is already longer than i wanted it to be (yikes). i just want you to know that this season did so many things so badly i ended up not caring about ANYTHING that happened or ANY of the characters (except ruby). they could have all just disappeared and i wouldn't have cared one bit because they were all giving NOTHING. so basically, the season felt like this meme to me, but with a heavy, all-permeating, very petty & derogatory undertone:

okay so now for the things i did watch and enjoy recently (i assume you mean movies/tv shows because i my monthly wrap ups cover my reading). there are quite a few things, actually! ofc i watched barbie which was fun, and oppenheimer which was Very Good. oh, and i watched and liked set it up, and my brother sat me down and made me watch the two spider verse movies with him which i enjoyed a lot as well! my other brother made me watch the new puss in boots (liked that one, too). i also watched the first couple of episodes of the bear and i am very intrigued (gonna continue for sure)!! also finished glow a couple of month ago which was quite good but sadly prematurely cancelled. other than that i have been mostly rewatching stuff tbh (recently e.g. fleabag, schitt's creek, atla, succession, and the occasional movies like p&p 2005, emma 2020. also been in the mood for a rewatch of god's own country & the ghibli movies.). other than that, the movies/tv shows i reblog stuff from are generally things i enjoyed in the past (or at least partly enjoyed). idk there's a lot on my 'to watch list' but i am only making my way through it super slowly jhghjgjhjgjh

[constantvariations]

Rwby V9C2. This time i decided to put all my thoughts down as i watched the episode (i know most folks do this as a massive series of reblogs. No thanks lol)

You know its gonna be a gr8 episode when the very first line is a disingenuous trope aware quip. No wonder at the new world, no anxiety about how to get home. Nope! Just... bland disinterest. Did Joss Whedon join crwby?

I hate Little so goddamn much. Idk if yall read that one teaboot post where they talk about their hatred of Olaf from Frozen but I am reaching that level of irrational fury

As much as I like the uses of sweat drops and pop animation and frustration speech bubbles because they're delightful anime visual tropes... it's wayyy to late to be introducing those now. This would be like adding farting unicorns to The Walking Dead after half the cast was eaten. Again. Once more, I am asking what the fuck the tone is supposed to be here

Why is it called the Ever After? Wonderland rolls off the tongue way better and makes more sense for the name of a new world/dimension/whatever

So glad to be getting the exposition on the girl who fell through the world now instead of any organic weaving into dialogue prior. I love getting my information shoved down my throat all at once

I do actually like them discussing the tale. Different takeaways from the same story are always fun. Wish it could've lasted longer, I really want more conversations between these guys that aren't always directly about the plot

Okay, Weiss's doubts are good to hear. Sound like a lot of the stuff we've been saying, which may or may not be on purpose. Strange she doesn't mention her family at all, though, just the downfall of Atlas. Would've been really interesting to hear her thoughts on her parents and brother

Little needs to die. Now.

Weiss going back and forth between freaking out about the impracticality of their situation and taking charge when impracticality occurs is jarring. Maybe it's the smaller nonsense she can handle and not the big, abstract stuff? Guess we'll see

"I've always wanted to be long, but I'm still small." That's the funniest thing crwby has written in the last 5 seasons and it goes to the worst character. Typical rwby lol

Yang is absolutely intolerable in this auction bit. Knowing she's in a strange and illogical world, her first instinct is to be a cop? I've seen children act less petulant than her. Also, any item bought is probably more easily stolen from the buyer than the racoon, so why isn't that even on the table right now?

Did these idiot townsfolk really not know the gimmick? He's been at this long enough to be immortalized in a fairy tale, and I highly doubt there's enough space in Wonderland for him to never visit the same place twice. Unless everyone's memories get reset after a certain point, they should damn well know the coon is a con

Also that sword looks like it should be in Halo. Guess old habits die hard

Not this fucking Scooby Doo shit again. Can these characters stop interacting with the loop de loop sections before I throw my computer into the sun?

Wait that's Penny's sword? It's ugly as shit why you gotta do Penny dirty like that again

I find Ruby's expression of depression to be highly unbelievable. The excuse for so long has been that she's been hiding her emotions for the sake of everyone else, which is a fair enough point, but now there's not even a token effort. No obviously painful smiles, no jokes she breaks partway through, no overcompensating by hyping up too much. Ruby might as well be the goth girl at the top of the skyscraper from the All Star Superman comic for all the characteristically realistic depiction of depression she has

It worked well enough when she was alone and didn't have to fake for anyone - which is why everyone was so excited for Ruby to finally be free to break - but that was nipped right in the bud, and nothing has grown in its place. It's just... disappointing

[infinitemelancholie]

I'm more accepting that I'm just a sensitive person. I take on others' troubles, pain, sorrow, joy, anxiety, excitement, etc.

I've known this for a while now and I guess I've always been trying to run from it as much as I could. I didn't like being this way because why must I be the one who takes all this on and not get anything in return.

I think my best friend is the same way too, and maybe that's why we're best friends. Idk if this other guy I've been obsessing over is the same way too. It's just interesting to think and wonder if I was bringing in others who're the same way into my inner circle or something.

It's been only a day and I'm still thinking about him. I just think about how giving him my energy would just feel right. Like I'm just supposed to give it to him without question and he'd just give it back to me. I think that's what I've been looking for in a relationship, and it's been throwing me off when he doesn't reciprocate because of how deeply I feel these things.

He's not an emotional vampire I just don't have any boundaries or walls up to defend myself from sharing my energy with him. With him I've just torn everything down to just let him in and I've been continuing to do so because he makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like I'm home in some way. I think this is why I feel so strongly for him.

But he's not those things for me right now, and that's why those walls need to go back up. Even if he weren't those things for me I still need to have some kind of protection for myself to avoid just such occurrences.

What made him so special to me as to deserve such treatment? What could I have possibly seen in him to make me think this was what I needed to do? I think I saw maturity, passion, drive, enthusiasm, intelligence, compassion... it always comes back to compassion doesn't it? Just the feeling that someone is looking out for me in the same way that I look out for them. I think I just got caught up in what was a sign of a good person, and then I proceeded to just impose that he must be the kind of person who'd take care of me well so there's no need to have any barriers or boundaries with him. I let my inner child take over and direct and guide me through this. He just wanted to feel this from someone for the first time.

I guess I am moderately ill after all. I mean to just go through life never feeling like my inner child would just never feel those things, experience those things, keeping him away from those opportunities because they could be dangerous in the end. I just got overconfident in my ability to handle all this properly and do right by him.

I think I remember so much from growing up in trying to find that space but never really finding it at least at my grammar school. Highschool I think was the first time I was starting to experience it. College I probably cut loose a little more than I had realized. I just spent time chasing immediate satisfaction instead of long term satisfaction. Focusing on building something. I just wanted to get off asap in college and I continued to chase that high well into my post college life because I just never figured out how to build something more sustainable, and I didn't even care to find out either.

I'm sorry I've been this way and been like this. I'm sorry I haven't like actually tried to get to know someone on a deeper level. Build a deeper connection. Or I guess in some instances trying to move onto that stage prematurely. Like let's just skip the small talk and get right to the point where we share just how much we're scared about our careers or something.

[resmarted]

honestly i feel considerably calmer than ever before and have worked through a significant amount of my anger from a very traumatic hand i’ve been dealt. the frequent backhanded rude comments don’t go over my head i just don’t feel the need to correct everyone and spar in public where i do that thing and verbally decimate anyone who dare cross me so it becomes fodder for subtweets the next day or whatever. like i literally don’t care and it’s very liberating. i used to have a lot of hang ups on how i do things my own way and not by the book (which is obviously an outdated manual btw) and like, i haven’t read chocolate war in years but something about traditional comedy scene stuff really reminds me a lot of this cult mentality where if you don’t sell yourself we are all going to gang up on you for daring to refuse to join our aggro traditions, or like WHATEVER that vibe is i have always been very much the person who works quietly on something for months at a time and comes out of my hole to present it and goes back to edit and write new things. this idea that you need to be running the same jokes you wrote x amount of years ago into the ground in order to be considered a Real Comic is so bizarre and far past the expiration date in concept alone. i also just get sensory overload like cannot handle constant stimulation i get very exhausted in rooms full of people it takes a lot out of me and i don’t need to explain myself to someone who thinks they’re being slick by trying to sneak diss me me as loudly as possible in some side convo that i have no desire to pay attention to in the first place. like i’m glad you’re better than me on every level good for you homie idk what you want me to say to that. i can die having done a total of two performances and as long as they were solid and something i’m proud of it’s better to me than a million where i’m just going through the motions like a zombie robot BUT i am sure that’s not everyone’s experience it just feels like it is for me when i try to do literally anything at all the Normal Way. idk what to tell you man i don’t need to assert my dominance over things that are not that serious to me and thank god for that bc a few years ago anyone in the scene would have warned you i would have easily been like yo what the fuck did you just say? which is maybe what people want or have come to expect on some level and it’s like, i’m very anticlimactic in my emotional responses and lashings out i know it’s disappointing sorry!do you want to eat italian and hate on sammi or

[euphoricfilter]

I'M SO ANNOYED AT THIS ANON. HOW DID THEY MAKE SUCH A TRASH TAKE ON THE BEST FIC EVER WTF??! DID THEY READ PROPERLY WTF?? OR UNDERSTAND HOW LOVE, JEALOUSY, AND OTHER EMOTIONS WORK?? They sound so pathetic omg. Why did they "read" this fic and then say the worst things omg? Hollyhomburg is so much nicer than me for calmly explaining it so well in their reply.

Ooh this ask gets so long. Sorry lol. I love bily so much omg. Tempted to send this or shorter (and prob nicer lol) version of this to hollyhomburg but they haven't replied to my ask on agreeing about the "manipulative" mc thing so idk hm. (They do seem to be answering more asks recently though wow)

Thoughts on this ask and the stuff I say further down?

Tbf I misunderstood Jimin with his last secret. Update: I think I don't dislike him anymore after getting to understand how he handles self-hatred. It's so sad TT I stil think Jimin and mc need to talk about it more for Jimin's sake and have some 1-on-1 bonding to fully resolve this issue for me though. They've felt awkward and distant since Tae's secret came out imo. We get Yoongi and Tae in the next ch though yay!! Sad that not every relationship is happy and romantic rn. But it's realistic that some relationships are slower to develop than others. And hollyhomburg would prob struggle to write a bunch of relationship developments at the same time. People (including me lol) need to be patient. and trust in the love and care the pack has for each other.

And the mc being "manipulative" part is instinctual to her according to hollyhomburg. It's understandable that people feel confused or interpreted it wrongly. But mc is a precious lil baby. I don't think it's bad that she is "manipulative" by acting cute and appealing to the alpha's instincts. Both sides are happy when she's being cute and lovely. (Did I interept this right??) And she doesn't have any ulterior motives at any point of the fic imo. Hollyhomburg also said this and that most of it is just how Jimin sees it. Jimin is just a paranoid boy :/

And Yoongi is a sweet boy. And Yoongi and mc went through some TRAUMA. (the trauma and how it affects them was written so well. how can you not understand and love these 2 omg) YOONGI HAS BEEN WORKING FOR MONTHS (AND STILL IS WORKING) ON MAKING A PERFECT CUSTOM COMFY HOUSE FOR ALL OF THEM! ACTS OF SERVICE KING. And there is so much explained in the fic about these two compared to Jimin and the other boys. I will only agree that Yoongi seems distant to the other boys and it's kinda sad. But I believe that they all love and care for each other. And the relationship between Yoongi and the boys will slowly develop into a happy, loving relationship again.

Was I too harsh on this anon? (I may have gotten too emotional idk. I am very protective over irl and bily Yoongi as well as bily mc so yeah lol. Hollyhomburg wrote all of bily pack to be so precious but I love these two even more) This anon seems so dumb to totally not understand how mc and Yoongi think...Only excuse I'll give is if they don't understand abo, mating mark, polyamory, and love in fics omg... Also please don't tag this under bily and my anon tag. Feels wrong to have negativity under these tags even if this anon is totally wrong omg.

-🖤

i think maybe they don’t understand the complexity of emotions?? i really don’t get it 🥲 and to sit there and write an ask about it as well AND sending it in 😭

holly is an angel i would have just laughed

i think that maybe they haven’t grasped the fact that like real people, the characters holly has written are more than just surface level, black and white emotions like a lot of stories show— they’ve taken time to delicately craft each of their characters in BILY

i think that holly has done well with the pacing of all the relationships, and it’s come off very realistic of what a poly relationship would look like from my understanding. not everyone is gonna fall head-first into love, it’s not always going to linear and i think that this series has shown that everyone falls in love in different ways and for different reasons. that emotions are complicated, the selfishness that comes with thinking about people you love while giving so much without maybe their understanding

from what i get, the m/c being manipulative comes from survival instinct, that maybe even she isn’t aware that she’s doing it, it’s something that kind of just happened, a habit that she can’t break. old habits die hard and i don’t think her initial intent is malicious in any way i think she’s honestly just scared and from what’s happened to her in the past i think she’s just trying to protect herself. i think for jimin, he knows where she was before the pack, he knows the people she was associated with and it’s only fair that he’s paranoid when they’re both very very good at masking emotions and turning a blind eye to things that maybe shouldn’t be brushed over. i’d assume that jimin is also aware that if she really did want to harm any of the pack for whatever reason she probably would have done so by now (i think it’s just his love for tae that has his skepticism spiked)

in the reply to that ask holly worded yoongi’s thought process and actions very well. maybe the person that sent in the ask hasn’t experienced any sort of past trauma themselves and therefore glazed over the complexity of emotions after such a traumatic event? idk the original ask came off a little tone death like they hadn’t considered each of the characters and their individual perspectives and past trauma

in yoongi’s defense he lost contact with the rest of the pack to protect them from his family, and i think naturally, even if you love someone a lot, a loss of contact for months is gonna put a standstill in the relationship, like the m/c, yoongi has been through so so much and like holly explains there’s always been slight favoritism, it was always, and will always be tae and jimin, just like jin and namjoon. sure the m/c and yoongi were thrusted into a relationship with doom hanging over them but there was love, and as much as yoongi loved the pack he’d learnt to love another even if their situation hadn’t been the most ideal. and as much as the m/c was reserved at the start, meeting the pack i think yoongi is slowly learning to love all of them again even if he already knows how, i think it’s about him finding comfort in a place where everything could still be somewhat uncertain

i don’t think he’s wrong either for the slight jealousy he feels, he probably felt like a hero, a pretty shitty one but having just the two of them survive for so long as suddenly your soulmate is being bombarded with 6 times the love than he was giving must be hard for him. and as holly explained it’s jealousy in the sense he’s scared he won’t be useful anymore and just :( poor yoongs, i’m glad they’re spending more time together now i love yoongi x m/c content

i think maybe that the anon had only surface level view of the story, maybe hadn’t thought about it from a new perspective, either the author’s, or the characters in the book, or read other people’s thoughts and feelings and similar experiences to those in the story or they themselves haven’t experienced anything that could help them sympathize with these characters, having a very black and white perspective of complex characters and emotions

[tamelee]

Out of curiosity, because I truly think that SasuNaru makes the most sense, but like I don't usually think about ships too much (UNLESS ITS HASHIMADA THAT IS MY OTP)... But NGL, With the moon movie, I thought it was kind of cute. Was it reaching tho try and make the ending of them two together to make sense? Yeah, but I still think it's cute.

So what I was going to ask was, how you feel about poly relationship of Sasu-Naru-Hina? I mean Sasuke is gone most of the time anyways and Naruto and Hinata have cute moments once in a while in Boruto. Of course they still also write Naruto and Sasuke having intimate moments too. Idk I think Naruto deserves the extra love (not saying you don't).

This is just a pure curious question, you have every right to ship what you want to ship but I just wondered if this is an angle you've ever thought about?

Hi @supervaca !! 💕💕

HashiMada I can get behind :3♡

Ooohh Sasu-Naru-Hina? 

You catch me off-guard with that one, in a good way!

No, never considered it and I would’ve never done that myself, because.. well.. Hinata, but if I would put aside my dislike for her (I’m trying) and truly, honestly give it some thought.. let me see. 

‘The Last’ is genuinely a big mess jammed with excuses to make Naruto seem like less of a character than he has become for the sole purpose of making him look like a giant idiot that didn’t understand his entire development. His own development. 

Only so that the characters around him, including Hinata can say “you don’t understand, Naruto, you big dumb idiot, but now we have to tell you verbally or through a plot-hole Genjutsu- so what are you gonna do about it? Hurt sweet little Hinata’s feelings? You would never, right?”

Only for him, a character that was always emotionally driven, look miserable as hell and give in. To tell Hinata he loves her in the most emotion-less way I’ve ever seen in media. 

To be more happy about having a bowl of noodles or Sasuke in front of him than supposedly the girl people tell him he loves after an entire story.

I… don’t think any of it is ‘cute’ tbh. 

Yesterday I rewatched his fight with Gaara.. I mean just look at little Naruto expressing how he feels and analyzing Gaara on an emotional level just by observing him!!

"Naruto didn't know/realize-" is just a poor excuse.

Most of what we see in ‘Boruto’ is filler. Trying to compensate for the lack of true character development, or worse, the character destruction that occurred previously I can’t find cute either. I can’t look past it. For me, it’s already ruined. 

Sakura loves the idea of Sasuke, but she can’t force the true Sasuke to love her back.

Hinata loves a version of Naruto seen from a distance, but she can’t force the true Naruto, the Naruto she didn’t only believe in for his surface-level goals, to love her back.

They don’t even really know the man they supposedly love so much. They never truly emotionally bonded before they all of a sudden were in a rel- oh oop- and there are babies. 

Compared to Naruto and Sasuke.. that love is just not the same. 

I don’t think it has much to do with Naruto "deserving" love. They all do, but when Sasuke acknowledged Naruto he made it known to Naruto. It had an impact on Naruto’s life. Sasuke and Hinata both knew Naruto’s pain of living in solitude. Naruto ignored Hinata’s heartfelt words, but was willing to die together with Sasuke knowing his heart. Aware that Sasuke knew his. Sasuke made Naruto feel happy, it drove him forward.. seeing Sasuke bear his burdens, seeing the person that truly accepted him as “Naruto”- made him feel ‘pain’ too.

Who the hell is Hinata?

‘The Last’ is a joke. 

And now Naruto avoids her, but would take any chance he can get to meet up with Sasuke?

Hinata seems like a woman who has everything handled at home which fits the ‘waifu’-image she has.. that’s about it. 

Sasuke absolutely wants nothing to do with her on even a friendly basis. It's a hello-I'm-being-polite-to-you-basis.

Sasuke and Naruto don’t even talk about their families on their restaurant dates. Naruto didn’t know Sarada hadn’t seen her father once and Sasuke met Boruto for the first time before the Chunin Exam and asked for his name.. 

Sasuke and Hinata is a big no. I’m even surprised he knows her name.

Naruto and Hinata is very one-sided. 

I don’t like Hinata at all and that is me expressing that very lightly, but doesn’t she “deserve” love too? 

Does Naruto even know Hinata as a person truly? That’s another question to me. We never get answers for that either. 

Does her brain only consist of “Naruto-kun”? Is that what Naruto “deserves”? Such shallow “love”?

If Hinata pushes Naruto away (which would never happen), Naruto wouldn’t even notice, but when Sasuke did, Naruto only fought his hardest, against all odds/law/world to get closer to his heart. 

Sasu-Naru-Hina.

That’s not for me 😅, but! I like thinking about new things, this is a first O.o! Do you ever think about Sasu-Naru-Saku as well? Not that I do..