#at the time of the dance they are literally the ruling class enforcing their rule by dragonfire

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

https://www.tumblr.com/myimaginationplain/719391604220248064/brideoffires-qayaamat-brideoffires-its-hard?source=share

What is your opinion on this post?

OP, the problem with the argument that Targaryens or Valyrians were corrupted by Andal culture is that the Targaryens were conquerors. Putting aside how asinine it is to claim that the conquered culture corrupted the conquerors, even if the conquerors had to adopt some aspects of the culture they conquered in order to be accepted as the ruling class, that is entirely on the conquerors. No one forced Aegon I to conquer Westeros, that was on him. They could very well have stayed on Dragonstone doing their thing-- no one was really bothering them up to that point. Even supposing that Valyrian culture was this utopia of gender equality (which, let's be clear, it certainly wasn't), if that was an aspect of their culture that they deeply valued, then perhaps the Targaryens should have thought twice before doing the whole violent conquest thing.

As for the arguments from the main series, they seem to miss the forest for the trees. The takeaway should be that people will twist historical events to suit their own narratives, and that works in both directions. The Rhoynish came to Westeros to flee the Valyrian empire and at the time of the Dance Dorne wanted nothing to do with either Rhaenyra or Aegon, and the Westerosi certainly wanted absolutely nothing to do with Dornish customs. Arianne arguing from a Dornish point of view nearly two centuries later that Rhaenyra should have been queen is unsurprising, but that logic can't be applied to anyone alive at the time of the Dance. Rhaenyra claiming to follow Dornish custom in 129 AC would have been political suicide. It's also unsurprising that Stannis considers her a usurper. To him, what she attempted to do would be akin to what Renly attempted to do to him. Remember, the Targaryens actually excluded women to a greater degree than even the Andals did. Andal custom never held that women cannot rule, only that in the order of succession they come after their brothers. But that's all neither here nor there. Everyone in the main series citing the Dance of Dragons is doing so to fit their own agenda. Let's not forget, Myrcella is not a valid claimant to the throne either, regardless of her gender, and there are reasons why putting her on the throne only creates more problems rather than solves them, which is, ironically, similar to the case of Rhaenyra.

[iguessit-sgrace]

The Pantheon Headcanons: Regulus Edition

my best boy goes first

regulus arcturus black ii

oh how i love him

he's 5'9

he!! has freckles in the summer <333

his patronus/animagus is a hissy black cat

he has an academic rivals to lovers arc with lily i take no criticism

he writes sad boy poetry in exclusively black notebooks. when he starts pining after lily he presses the flowers she gives him and puts them in there

oh he also annotates his own copies of books (he wouldn't dare annotate ones from the black family library or the school library)

has a collection of fancy knives and daggers that evan finds extremely cool

barty was his first everything, basically. first best friend, crush, kiss, etc

he's 1/2 french and 1/4 korean (his grandmother irma was korean)

narcissa was his favorite cousin

his familiar is a black cat named phoebe (sirius and reg found her on the streets outside their house. walburga originally wanted to kill phoebe because she was "a mutt" but relented and let him keep her)

dorcas paints his nails black. that's it that's the bullet point

had a childhood dream of playing on a professional quidditch team with sirius. he knew it was impossible and childish though, so he played as a seeker for slytherin instead

listens to classical music and dark film scores. the second was introduced to him by dorcas, who grew up with more muggle culture than most in slytherin

read books on flowers and their meanings with narcissa as a child. she read them to him to help him sleep whenever sirius was being punished for something

exclusively wore long sleeves and black/gray clothing (or the white fancy victorian ruffle shirts, you know the ones)

super fluffy curly black hair that reaches slightly past his neck and only a select few people are allowed to touch it

knows how to dance ballet and ice skate, and play piano, violin, and bass guitar

only wears silver jewelry

barty pierced his ears in third year

excelled so well in some classes that he was moved up a year (potions, history of magic, etc (mostly because of his tutoring before hogwarts))

autistic recluse who hangs out by the black lake and writes his pathetic poetry

loves sunlight but hates sunny days

he gives stormy beach aesthetic vibes idk why

oh wait

loved water but could not for the life of him swim. this poor boy has tried so many times but he just can't get it. sirius, narcissa, andy, lily- they've all tried to help him but he always goes underwater and his legs stop working and he just. sinks. completely calm in the murky water. even though he's literally drowning and sirius is screaming bloody murder while trying to save him

he has a fancy pure silver jewelry box with his initials on it. i don't make the rules i just enforce them okay

when he starts watching films with lily he becomes a complete cinema nerd. he literally gets even more pretentious (if that's even possible). they watch dark sinewy films together and drink black tea in silence

oh this boy LOVES to paint. and he's GOOD at it. not insanely good, but his paintings make you feel. they're full of emotion and longing and agony; dark forests and stormy seas and faraway goddesses with hair like fiery sunlight. and in each painting, he incorporates a hidden star

barty may have been reg's first best friend, but pandora is his closest. they tell each other EVERYTHING

his amorentia smells like linen and sea water, whereas he smells calla lilies and broom polish

his favorite season is winter. he loves snow and cold weather, but he acts all grumbly about how annoying it is to keep up his Reputation

he is so freaking touch starved, but he won't seek out physical contact himself (unless he really REALLY wants it and trusts that person (aka lily or james, or sirius if he's in distress))

lily is the only person in the slug club that he actually respects because unlike a lot of slughorn's other prizes, she actually EARNED her spot there by her talent and determination (both of which are things reg values a lot)

okay so about the whole death eater thing- personally i think reg was kinda brainwashed by the need to please his parents so desperately that he actually chose to be a death eater of his own accord. an unpopular headcanon, i know, but hear me out. reg never truly bought the whole "muggle-borns are lower than pure-bloods" because reg just doesn't believe things at face value. he has to see them himself to believe it. so when he went to hogwarts and saw muggle-born students performing just as well, sometimes even better (cough cough lily) than pure-bloods, he literally just threw his family's ideals in the trash. now, in my timeline, reg joined voldemort not long after sirius went to live with the potters. suddenly, all the pressure and weight of being the perfect heir was on reg, possibly even more than what sirius had dealt with, because of what sirius had done. so in a moment of desperation to gain his parent's approval, (and slightly out of self-preservation; he could clearly see which side was winning so far) he joined voldemort. did he agree with voldemort's ideals? no. but he did join. it wasn't long after that evan joined, and then barty went too to spite his father, because where evan went, barty went. (dorcas joining the order was a shock to everyone in the patheon: they had all expected her to either stay neutral or join the death eaters). but after he took the mark, reg realized what he had done. so he went to lily and james and confessed everything. he agreed to be a spy for dumbledore, alongside snape, and eventually peter. when he discovered the horcrux, the first thing he did was tell pandora. they both agreed that the safest way to destroy it and the others was to go undercover. reg faked his death in the cave and left to hunt the rest of the horcruxes. he returned a year later to an order meeting and was reunited with james and lily and harry (yay the end)

sorry that was a really long bullet point (i am what i am: which is a yapper)

how have i not mentioned james yet??? he steals like all of james' jumpers, it's getting to be a problem. he and lily have matching potter quidditch kits though!!

he had a huge childhood crush on james his second year, but it fades until he starts dating lily, when it comes back after he and james start interacting more

literally no one can tell when reg is joking because he has such a bad rbf. however, his laugh and smile are literally like starlight and the rare times people get to see it are treasures

he spoils lily with expensive gifts, especially books. she gets upset about it at first because she grew up with not a lot of money, but then she realizes it's how reg tells her he loves her so eventually she just lets him shower her in gifts

sorry idk how this turned into half regulily headcanons. they're just so ingrained in my brain

reg is so moody and bratty it's hilarious to barty

his favorite colour is green; not green like slytherin, but green like a forest, a lake, or lily's eyes

ahh i love him <3

[raewritesf1]

georgie changing little by little in the highschool genderbent au? yes. but max also experiencing the gf effect? yes. he stops being late all the time even to class (because georgie would be mad) and stops terrorising the student prefects when they try to enforce the rules (because georgie would be sad). they are truly experiencing some character development here wow they're chuck bass and blair waldorf but if they weren't sadists.

also brocedes parents they're the true childhood sweethearts like met when they were kids and grew up together and finally began dating when they were highschool (angry love confession during a school dance where lewis finally says fuck it because nico looks so lovely and happy and why isn't she with him, if you have seen 'flipped'). they graduate, get rich(er in nico's case, monaco princess ah well), get married, have two adorable demonic children and live happily ever after. georgie adored their love story growing up and secretly wanted what they had. only lando knew about the almost life long crush that she had on alex albon, their own childhood bff. only lando knew how heartbroken she was when he responded 'ha, never in your wildest dreams' to someone joking about georgie and alex together. it made her feel undesirable and she felt lost about love because it was kind of the only kind she felt she knew.

so when georgie starts dating max it worked in a way she didn't anticipate but was better than anything she imagined. - xoxo angst anon

Chuck and Blair if you take out literally all of the terrible things they do before and after they get together.

Brocedes are actually so flipped coded. Nico who meet Lewis when they were extremely young and fell for him immediately (baby Nico angrily huffing because Seb is talking to her Lewis >:( )though Lewis doesn’t feel the same and they get separated for a little and are reunited in high school when Nico starts questioning her long time crush on Nico just as Lewis is starting to realize his feelings for Nico. (Cue the winter formal and Lewis angrily huffing cause Jenson is dancing with Nico. His Nico >:( and he interrupts the dance and drag Nico away and finally does his whole angry confession and “cause you looking fucking stunning and your dancing with him when you should be with me!” >:(((( ) and they start dating and finally everything perfect minus that very small massive incident in college where they split up for a bit but everything is perfect and they grow up rich as hell and get a massive house and have two gremlin children

And Georgie fell in love with the story growing up. Her parent were always her idea romance and she always dreamed of having a love like theirs. So when she meet a young Alexander Albon in primary school she falls for hard him and she spend her whole youth being in love with Alex and just kind of assume that their going to be the perfect childhood friend to lover story like her parents. So when he kind of publicly (not realizing she can hear him) responds like that to the idea of being with her her world shatters (she ofc ends up in a car with Max going well over the speed limit because drowning your problems in alcohol and reckless driving is always the solution)

And in the end she falls for Max. Max who she met only 3 years after Alex. Max who she’s known for practically forever. Max who she hated near immediately after she met him. Max who’s been there through so much of her life she can’t really remember a time he wasn’t thereMax who she loves more than anything now.

I just think George looking for his childhood romance in Alex only to find it in Max is kinda neat :)

(Edit: the way I literally answered this days ago and just never forgot it was a drag and I had to change it to manually post)

[industria-adastra]

I really like ur twst x pmmm work! I wonder how homura will be on the VDC www

Thanks! I'm glad to hear that :DD

Homura on the VDC huh...

If we're playing it straight as a timeline where things follow twisted wonderland canon. I think Homura would take the same managerial position as Yuu. But she might be able to give some pointers about ballet to Epel and Deuce when Vil pushes them to do it. Since personally I think she's seen a lot of ballets as a child, and might've been able to attend classes as a child until the physical exertion became too much for her as she got older and started entering class grades that required much more energy. And even afterward it's possible to still look at online classes that teach ballet (even if Homura can't dance she can still observe and absorb information). So Homura might end up helping them out on that aspect, especially when it comes to effective warm-up and barre routines.

I also believe she'd help enforce Vil's routines that he tries to establish for the NRC group. Homura could draw parallels with that to her life in the hospital, and having to eat things she might not have necessarily wanted to eat, but ate anyways because it was good for her to do so. And, I also think she'd be able to empathize with Vil on the bad-guy front, especially since that's the approach she went for at some points - if the flies don't react to honey, then go for vinegar. But I think she'd also get why they (The freshmen) would chafe against the restrictions Vil places upon them. Although, she'd probably think their vocal disagreement is a bit dumb. (Homura's more of a quiet words, loud actions person, I think)

Alternatively, if Homura was literally put into VDC as a member then I think Vil would find that her main problem is that she either has too much or too little presence - it's not consistent, and most of the time Homura feels like she's doing her own thing, and not melding well with the team. Something's holding her back from doing so.

Bonus: Idolmura in VDC (If you haven't read Tamura, Idolmura comes from there)

rip Ace, Deuce and Epel.

This Homura has been through that idol stuff (Vil started out as a child actor, which is slightly different + gender differences in idol treatment within the idol/entertainment industry) and has seen some shit and also knows how much work you have to put in for something to even be mildly successful.

So she will be helping Vil enforce rules...but she's nicer. It's just that Idolmura swings from being extremely dead inside to manic and leans more on the fake cheery girl persona. So the freshman trio can never actually predict whether Homura will lowkey blow a fuse or let them pass. She masks it with a lot of flowery languages, much like Rook.

Will snark at Vil, but in a backhanded compliment way. Idolmura and Vil will actually clash at first, then get over their differences and become a dynamic duo (rip Epel).

Idolmura might talk about the idol industry back in her universe and honestly, it's much less pretty than Vil's experience. Especially if we're going to factor in how high and weird standards are for female idols.

[mycroftrh]

If you are angry that you were not taught in school about some historical person or other being queer, or that you have seen a screenshot of an academic work doing something like calling two people who were clearly fuckin 'close brotherly friends'; and you are considering expressing that anger by declaring all historians/ archaeologists/ history teachers homophobic/transphobic

I would like you first to ponder a few things.

Most generally - how do you know now that this person was queer? Is it... perhaps because that was mentioned in a more recent academic work or a college class? Academic fields have moved on since the 50s bruh. That screenshot you're angry at, have you checked when the text was written?

But past that:

High School (and Similar)

At the most basic level, if your teacher had one semester to teach you all of world history before 1500AD, possibly their priority was 'here is the name of this civilization' not 'here are the names of all the gay people in it'. (I would have prioritized the gays personally tbh but that's me.)

But much more importantly:

Hello today we will be talking about "No Promo Homo" laws!

I'm gonna use the ones in the US to explain, because I know the most about them, but they are around in many many other places.

No Promo Homo laws vary in their details. I'll use Texas's as an example.

"Course materials... should include: emphasis, provided in a factual manner and from a public health perspective, that homosexuality is not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public and that homosexual conduct is a criminal offense."

In general, your average NPH law says either 'you cannot mention homosexuality' or 'any mention of homosexuality must be negative'.

(Note: if you're going 'wait hang on it's not a criminal offense tho? Why are you trying to pass off this clearly outdated law on us?' ...the law referenced, criminalizing 'homosexual conduct', IS still on the books in Texas. They're just not allowed to enforce it bc of the Supreme Court ruling in 2003. The NPH law above is fully current; in fact, in November 2020 Texas's Board of Education considered repealing but voted 9-6 to keep it.)

In 2019 there were seven states with NPH laws. There are still four. Also, there's this "Texas effect" with school textbooks where the state of Texas is the largest buyer of textbooks in the US, and it's easier to print one textbook for everyone than different textbooks for each state, so... textbooks for the whole US generally follow whatever the Texas Board of Education wants to teach.

...when your history teacher was failing to teach you about someone being gay... was that in a time/place where it was/is literally illegal to teach you that? Was it in a time/place where they can only tell you someone was gay if they immediately follow it with "and that's bad, this historical figure was leading an unacceptable and criminal lifestyle"? If not, was your teacher working off a textbook written for places where that's the case?

...Because if you're in the US in 2021 then the answer is very very likely 'yes' to at least one of those. If you're elsewhere there's also a pretty decent chance. (And even if there weren't actual laws directly affecting you - the Indignant Parents get their say about Corrupting The Youth, too.)

Again, how do you know now that the person was queer? Was it... perhaps because it was mentioned to you or someone else in a college class (or a book), which isn't under the domain of NPH laws?

Museums

While to the best of my knowledge there are no explicit NPH laws regulating museums, museums in many areas must in effect follow similar restrictions. One of my professors did a study on evolution education in museums which basically boiled down to 'because of the way funding works, a lot of museums have to dance around the existence of human evolution to the point that they have plausible deniability'. Same goes for queer-ness.

Yes, everyone working there knows the mummy is gay. The issue isn't the scientists, it's that museums need money to pay the rent preserve the artifacts build the exhibits etc, and therefore have to be careful what topics they focus on.

[Taking this moment for a sidenote: there will be sources linked in a reblog of this post.]

Academia, My Original Point

I need y'all to understand that being gay, just the fact of being gay, only stopped being actively illegal in the US in 2003. I need you to understand that there are more than 70 countries right now, today, as of July 2021, that have laws criminalizing homosexuality, including 11 where it's punishable with execution. I need you to understand that people could be arrested in the United States for "cross-dressing" within the last decade and still can right now today as we speak for things like "being trans and using the bathroom".

Do you think, possibly, that academics in some of those times and places had reasons for not explicitly saying 'this person was homosexual'? Do you further think maybe it could be possible that when all of the evidence that a historical figure was queer is laid out for you, very clearly, so it's obvious, so you can't miss it; and then the author tacks on at the end "...but uh @CIA no homo here definitely! @FBI just gal pals!" ...do you think maybe they had a reason for writing it that way?

Finally:

Look. Historians and archaeologists who are gay, and trans, and queer, we exist! Hello, hi! 👋 Right here! 👋 There are a lot of us actually!

Declaring all historians/archaeologists homophobic and transphobic is, guess what? ERASING US. The people who are alive, right here, right now.

Don't erase me.

[art-and-a-half]

Some Assorted Head-canons for the New Generation of My Little Pony (some spoilers under the cut)

Content Warnings:

Mentions of death (non-explicit, some familial & some from previous generations)

Mentions of manipulation and unhealthy family dynamics

Canon-compliant fantasy racism

General Headcanons:

Earth Ponies also have a form of magic the movie just didn't cover it (I mean, we're literally told that g4 of mlp happened in the distant past there's no way Earth Pony magic from then simply ceased to exist)

Earth Pony magic is generally assorted forms of neutralisation (e.g. resistance to Unicorn magic, ability to fall from greater heights without damage) and stuff related to the planet (e.g. greater agricultural success, ability to move dirt easier, location of jewels) but there is overlap between species in types of magic (like how Pinkie Pie seemed to have more arcane/chaotic magic)

The tree we see the gang rest under in the movie is the remnants of Twilight's castle

Celestia and Luna existed in this universe (as Celestia is briefly mentioned at the beginning of the film) but gave up their longevity when abdicating the throne to Twilight. They also gave their magic to Twilight which is why as she got older she began to manifest their traits (such as the magical mane and

Twilight also no longer exists, I imagine her life was tied to the unity between pony groups and thus as ponies grew more distrustful her life waned and eventually flickered out as pony magic also ceased to exist

Starlight Glimmer's brainwashing and subjugation of the residents of "Our Town" is part of the reason for distrust of unicorns in the modern era. (Obviously the whole story isn't there, but there are fragments of the story in the history classes. That's why so many earth ponies believe the unicorns can read their thoughts etc.)

In fact, a lot of events in g4 of mlp were misinterpreted and were what caused distrust between the pony groups.

Protagonist Headcanons:

Hitch Trailblazer:

I don't want to be too specific on how his family are no longer in the picture (as future content may prove me wrong) but I imagine they either died or are very distant/neglectful

He grew up very close to Sunny as Argyle (her dad) was one of the few ponies that was happy to take care of him. He considers her his best friend (even during the events of the movie where he implies he'll leave Sunny if she continues to break rules) and treats her like a sister

He actually likes Sprout when Sprout isn't blindly following his mother's whims. He does have moments of annoyance with him, but generally finds him an okay companion. Their relationship is generally work acquaintances with Hitch taking a leadership role at times.

His cutie mark is representative of his protective nature and his ability to lead. (I'm uncertain how canon g4 cutie marks are and whether they're triggered by learning one's special talent. If they are, he gained his through protecting some critters before they were run over by Sunny ((when she was still wobbly on her skates)).)

He remains in the pony equivalent of law enforcement after the film, but questions the laws the town upholds a lot more. He will actively question the ethics and reasoning behind decisions and will oppose laws if they do not fit the standard. He also has migrated away from the authoritative position of Sheriff and acts from a position of mediation rather than control.

After the return of magic he found himself stronger than before, and able to run faster. He also finds it easier to "understand" the animals he befriends (can't understand the language, but their emotions and intent are easier to read).

Sunny Starscout:

Sunny learnt to skate from her father, who used to do dance-skating in his early adulthood. She likes using her skates expressively, and has been known to dance with them.

Her interest in research came from her father (obviously) and she writes detailed reports on many phenomena. Unlike her father, she has more of an interest in active magic and science (Argyle was interested in the historical component of pony magic).

After the return of magic, she spent a long time writing about how the ponies learnt to channel it, and how it feels to do so. For instance, the spurts of magic that unicorns began to experience, and how pegasi (outside the royal family) learnt to fly.

Her alicorn wings and horn are made of magic, and disappear when she doesn't want them present. (They appear at will)

She found after magic returned that she could go faster on her roller skates, and that she can channel magic through various crystals.

She often turns to Hitch for advice (and then promptly ignores it) but despite her actions afterwards she always appreciates his insight

Every now and again she conducts experiments using magical materials and is dedicated to understanding different styles of magical channelling (e.g. how pegasi channel their magic into their wings to fly, but can also channel through wands ((which they previously didn't know)))

Izzy Moonbow:

Is far less superstitious than her peers due to simply observing what happened after not following their rules in a neutral context.

She still follows some forms of superstition simply because they're comforting. E.g. making a wish with eyelashes or dandelions, blessing after a sneeze, and knocking on wood. (Basically, she just ignores bad luck and participates in good luck rituals)

Even after getting her magic back Izzy uses her horn to manually pick things up. She actually doesn't like using levitation magic unless it's for larger objects because it feels weird to use

While levitation feels strange, she loves adding magic to little knick knacks to make them more special (e.g. add magic to make a crystal glow whenever you touch it,

She loves inventing things and is smarter than a lot of people give her credit for. However, she isn't super emotionally sensitive (despite her cheery appearance) and often needs to be given direct information in order to understand how others are feeling.

Once she knows how others feel though she goes out of her way to make them feel better.

Pipp Petals:

Was taught to sing from a very young age, and basically was paraded in front of the cameras. This was due to the public excitement surrounding having another member of the royal family (and thus, another pony that could "fly") (she is the second born child in the family)

Was very close with Zipp while young, but grew distant as they both got older. Zipp wasn't interested in the public performance and began to lash out about it, which frustrated Pipp because she loved the attention of the public and didn't want Zipp to "ruin it for her"

Does love her sister, but also has complicated feelings due to being the favoured child. It's not super bad, but their mother definitely found it easier to get along with Pipp because... well Pipp was down for being a media influence

While she can fly she isn't very good at it in comparison to Zipp. She is good at intricate flight-work but can't go long distances. Dance flying? Yes. Traveling? Noooooo.

Zipp Storm:

Was bad at singing when she was younger. The Queen put her in singing classes and she got better, but has a lot of distaste towards singing now because of how long it took to "get good" but then was told she was not good enough to publicly perform.

Genuinely has no interest in being a celebrity and despite getting public support back after the return of magic, she no longer lives in Zephyr Heights.

Zipp moved to Maretime Bay due to her interest in science (mainly physics and physical health) and helps with making flight-based machines & toys (e.g. kites, hot-air balloons,those gliding fairy things) she often makes them with Izzy out of recycled materials.

Generally is good with nutrition as well and helps make healthy recipes for her friends when they have trouble eating (that actually taste good). She isn't very good at cooking itself (mainly due to impatience and inattentiveness) but workshops the recipes with Sunny who loves baking.

She is good at long distance flying and also uses her wings in an acrobatic manner (as shown when she first meets Izzy and Sunny in the movie)

Antagonist Headcanons:

Sprout Cloverleaf:

Oh boy howdy this boy is a mess. He's a combination of severe anxiety and inflated ego due to his mother's poor parenting skills. Being told he was good by her, no matter what he did (when it came to being xenophobic), but also feeling supremely inferior due to her barely paying attention to him/comparing him to Hitch

His talent actually lies in plant growth and propagation.

Of course, he's responsible for his actions now, and he had to lead the clean up of the area where his machine caused mass destruction

Was close friends with Hitch when younger but they drifted apart due to the shift in professional work environment (was always assigned to subordinate roles in comparison to Hitch and Hitch took to commanding others quickly)

Post return of magic he retired from working in law enforcement

(hypothetical outcomes before more mlp content comes out!!!) After a brief period of time living with his mother he moved to a beach hut a bit outside of Maretime Bay. He has a small seaweed farm which he uses to both supplement his diet and dehydrate for selling to restaurants in Maretime Bay

Back to more in line with canon. He probably doesn't leave law enforcement but instead chooses to work on the paperwork side of things as opposed to on the field (he is shown to not enjoy/be good at fieldwork in his law enforcement)

Maybe he and Hitch rekindle their friendship?? It truly depends

Post magic return he found himself more easily able to propagate plants than before (e.g. instead of a slow growth cycle he found a seed he planted sprouted within an a day instead of 7)

I'll reblog with more if I can think of any

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Day of the Animals

While perhaps not my favorite episode this season, Day of the Animals is easily the best written story of season three. Even so, it still has problems due to the third season’s poor approach to characterization. 

Summary: Rapunzel, Varian, Angry and Red are returning stolen loot that the two girls had stolen years ago. They are accompanied by Max, Pascal, Ruddiger and Hamuel who all cannot stop quarreling with each other (or in Hamuel's case, just being useless). While messing with a sea shell pendant, it magically transports the humans into it, leaving the animals to fight over it. A minor thug named Dwayne, steals the pendant forcing the animals to work together to retrieve it. 

So Why is a Polynesian Inspired Kingdom Within Riding Distance of a Northern European Country? 

If you’ll remember my review of Beginnings, Neserdina’s princesses were wearing Polynesian garb and dancing the Hula when prepping for the competition. Now I’ve already went into length as to why that’s not good representation, but in addition to that it’s also just plain dumb. You can’t just transport one ethic group and dump them into another part of the world because it’s convenient for you. You don’t earn any brownie points for doing that. Especially when your fantasy world is still based off of our own historical earth. 

To make things even more confusing, we actually saw Neserdina way back in season one in Way of the Willow. It’s where Willow bought the gremlin knock-off. 

That is an island. How the heck do you get to a volcanic island riding in a horse and cart? And don't tell me they’re riding to a port, because Corona is a port city already. They could have gotten there by boat. It’s also can’t be too far away from Corona’s borders if Angry and Red were able to get there on foot during their year long travels. 

The only explanation is that the entirety of the Tangled crew doesn’t understand geography, and this won’t be the last example in the show to back up that statement. 

So Why Is Rapunzel Here?

We get explanations for why everyone is on this road trip, except for the main character herself. Red and Angry are trying to return some stolen loot. Varian is wanting to pick up rare alchemy supplies at the market and was invited along because Raps hopes it’ll be a chance for Ruddiger and Max to get know one another better. 

But why on earth does Rapunzel feel the need to come on this trip herself? Doesn’t she have a kingdom to run? While I’m sure Eugene is more than capable of handling things, this doesn’t reflect well upon the writers supposed plan of making Rapunzel appear more responsible. 

Literally any other adult could have come along on this trip. This wasn’t something Rapunzel needed to waste time on. Lance especially would have been more appropriate here as he’s the one who’s suppose to eventually adopt Angry and Red.  And the sad thing is, all they had to do was give Rapunzel a line about needing to attend some sort of diplomatic business in Neserdina. That’s it. 

In a show that’s supposed to be all about Rapunzel; Rapunzel sure doesn’t have a whole lot of reasons to exist in the majority of the episodes. 

Lack of Worldbuilding Strikes Again

At this point I’m kind of numb to the whole “magical thing just exists for no adequately explained reason” and so I’m not as upset as some people are about the shell necklace. But it’s still not good writing. 

Why does this thing exist? How did come to be cursed? How did it get mixed in with their stuff? What activated the magic and why did it only effect the human’s even though the animals were closer to it? 

Just something show. Anything. You bothered to give use rules for how this thing works and even stuck to them this time, but you can’t just make the last leg of the trip and give us some exposition? 

Yeah, okay. 

So Where Exactly Are We in Relation to Corona?

We can see Pittsford and Ivangarr on the road sign and we have to be in riding distance to Neserdina from Corona, but like are we in Corona still? Are we in Koto, which is Corona’s nearest neighbor to the east according to season three. Are we in some no-man’s-land where none of the kingdoms have control, or are we already in Neserdina itself? 

The series gives us no sense of direction nor any firm placement for Corona within it’s world. I only know it is a Northern European country because Corona itself is a peninsula with a north sea, uses French, English, and German fashion/customs, and Rapunzel is a Germanic fairy tale. But like those clues are thrown into a blender and contradicted several times over, on top of never being told where it’s closest kingdoms actually lie. 

All of this matters when traveling and exploring the wider world are big themes of your show. You need more solid and consistent world building than this. It also impacts how much authority and control your main character has within the episode itself if she range of political power is limited to one area. So like we need to know where the heroes stand here. 

(FYI I personally headcannon Corona as former Prussia which was once part of Germany and it’s alliance of smaller kingdoms. It’s also a peninsula next to the Curonian Spit) 

This Is Not Progress

Okay so the idea here, is that the show is implying that Rapunzel is trying to improve Corona’s justice system over Frederic’s previously inhumane crack down on crime. However, this is terribly executed. 

For starters the show has never called Frederic nor Rapunzel out for their previous misbehavior. You can not change any system for the better without acknowledging the flaws within said system first. Therefore this comes right out of nowhere and doesn’t stick around long enough to stay within the viewers minds for later. 

Secondly, Rapunzel is incredibly fickle about who she does and doesn’t set free. The Saporians were still in the dungeons last time we saw them, Caine was shipped off to the prison island and left to die there as far as we know, and the Stabbingtons are shown shackled together in the wedding short even though they supposedly changed their ways and befriended Eugene again. 

Meanwhile Dwayne and Stalyan are free to go their marry way and continue their life of crime, Varian is only released from his overly harsh punishment because he kissed Rapunzel’s ass not because it was wrong to imprison him in the first place, and later Cassandra gets away scot free because she’s Rapunzel’s bestie even though she committed the worst crimes out of everyone in the show and for very little reason. 

That’s not justice. That’s not compassion. That’s not progressive reform. It’s just nepotism, and it’s every bit as corrupt as Frederic’s classism and totalitarianism. 

Just because Rapunzel is “nice” it doesn’t mean that she is kind. Real reform has to treat everyone with equality and have a set of base standards that are beyond one person’s personal judgment. She is still a dictator and an abuser even if she lets the occasional person go free on a whim. 

Finally, Rapunzel’s methods are just downright ineffective. Dwyane may not be a threat to our heroes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat to other people. He’s not actually sorry about trying to rob people at knife point and he fully plans on continuing being a thief after feeding Rapunzel the lines she wants to hear. 

Furthermore, we don’t know if this course of action is born out of malice or desperate need. He half heartily comments about finding ‘an honest job” but can he even do that? Is it even a realistic option for him? The series has been weaving this class inequality theme through out it’s past three seasons and directly connecting that to Corona’s crime rate. 

Eugene had a hard time finding a job during season one directly due to his past record, remember? A life of crime he was forced to lead in order to survive, and he’s the Prince Consort! What chance does Dwayne have? Did Rapunzel even try to help him find work or did she just wag her finger at him and told him “Now, now, stealing’s not nice.” 

The show wants to act like Rapunzel is this progressive reformer but then they turn her into a Republican instead. That’s not me being sarcastic either, this approach to criminal justice is the foundation of conservative belief and has been for centuries. The right are not interested in why people commit crime. They don’t care about addressing the fundamental problems in society that lead people to break the law. Let alone bother to analyze why those laws exist in the first place. Instead they resort to doublethink and survivor bias to either write off those that fall through the cracks or make excuses for why their policies repeatedly fail, often ignoring the fact that things aren’t actually working for whole swathes of people who aren’t themselves.  

Tangled the Series is far too simplistic and childish in it’s approach to deeper subjects like this to enforce the messages it supposedly wants to enforce. Rapunzel herself relies on magical thinking, double standards, and personal bias to see her through every and any problem and the show just rewards her for it rather than challenging her to grow and in doing so winds up supporting people like her in their authoritarian ideas, whether that was the writers’ intentions or not. 

In short, Rapunzel shows no interest in putting in the real work it would take to implement genuine restorative justice. She doesn't honestly care about Dwyane or his victims. She’s just posturing here for the sake of her self image.  

You’re Not In Any Position to Talk Rapunzel 

Speaking of Rapunzel being a hypocrite.... The entirety of season three’s main conflict is her having a petty bitch fight with her supposed best friend and needlessly dragging everyone else into it.

In fact that’s the whole show. Rapunzel repeatedly failing to get along with other people because she’s deep down a shitty person despite the veneer of ‘friendliness’ she slaps on to hide it. Having her just say she knows better does nothing to convince me that she’s actually learned anything. You have to show that she’s learned it first, and that requires acknowledging her own wrong doings.  

Varian’s face here just tells it all. Rapunzel is full of shit and no one in the show knows it better than him. Why are they even friends again? Why should we trust her with the three kids she neglected more than once? Why should any of these people take what she says seriously? 

Well This is Contradictory

Also, since we brought up double standards, here’s Varian undermining that whole “jail is bad” thing Rapunzel is trying to push with Dwayne and later with Cass. Not only is the show under cutting it’s themes for a joke, but it just reinforces the abuse Varian received. He’s now bought into Frederic’s stupid beliefs and winds up reinforcing to the audience that that his ‘reform’ was due to his past imprisonment.   

As an adult watching this series, Varian’s supposed redemption continues to increasingly look like a victim complying with their past abuser out of fear of further harm rather than anyone genuinely learning to be better.

Can We Please Stop Infantilizing the 16 Year Old

As if to deflect from Varian’s past mistreatment and continuing parentification, the show then goes on to showcase the opposite extreme whenever possible. I know it’s hard to tell just from these few screen shots alone, but over the course of season three Varian is spoken down too and treated condescendingly by the rest of the cast, and by Rapunzel in particular, even as he enters his later teens/early adulthood.  

Some of this is just to due to Rapunzel being her usual holier than thou self, but there’s also times, like here, where Varian is lumped together with the actual children of the show, even though he’s 6 to 8 years their senior. 

In fact out of everyone Rapunzel interacts with, Varian’s actually the closest to her in both age and development. Queen for a Day forced the two of them into a power imbalance due to a mixture of classism and society’s ongoing unhealthy (and often artificial) divide between younger and older teens, but as we get further and further away from that point in time and as Varian nears the same age Rapunzel started out as, that imbalance becomes less and less relevant. 

Look at how this scene is framed, He’s standing between Angry and Red and is placed lower than them to make it look like he’s one of them. He’s not. 

Varian may still look 12 with his big old eyes and short stature, but seeing as how we’re past Hearts Day, he’s actually close to being 17, if he isn’t already. The timeline gets even wonkier after The King and Queen of Hearts, but trust me, we’re close to being two years past Queen for a Day, if not more so. 

Varian, for all counts, should be Rapunzel’s equal by now in terms of story. Not only is he closest in age to her, but he’s also the only other person going through a coming of age arc. And of the two, Varian’s the one who has actually learned and grown as a person. He has more real world experience than Rapunzel ever will and knows how to implement that experience. (He’s also the more mature, but that’s more of a failure to write Rapunzel competently than a reflection of his capabilities.) 

No matter how you slice it, Varian shouldn’t be taking orders or advice from Rapunzel; no one should be, really; and he most certainly shouldn’t put up with her condescension. Rapunzel is not his nor anybody else’s mother. She’s not even a big sister like figure, and at no point should be treated as the leader of anything or anyone. 

Rapunzel is a Poor Man’s Rose Quartz 

I typically try not to draw too many comparisons between Tangled and other shows outside of the occasional parallel, as a show should be able to stand on it’s own for good or for bad, but it’s hard not to discuss the series without also discussing Steven Universe in some way. 

Steven Universe is this generation’s Batman the Animated Series or Scooby Doo. It’s the game changer that everybody else is trying to copy in some manner. Chris desperately wants Tangled the Series to be the next Steven Universe, right down to how the show is structured, paced, and what themes are presented. But unfortunately Chris has no idea why Steven Universe works the way it does. 

For starters SU adjusted it’s pacing as it went along, smoothing out its rougher edges while Tangled doubled down on its filler. SU had a planned arc from the get go and stuck to it, so that by the time the twists came they made sense. SU kept it’s focus on Steven purposefully so that the story unfolded from his view point while making to sure to acknowledge the importance of other characters around him and their conflicts. It didn’t make him infallible nor shove aside everyone else’s arcs.  

But most importantly, Steven Universe was written by a bisexual nonbinary person who set out to make a show for people in the queer community like themselves. Meanwhile, as a middle aged white man, Chis hasn’t a damn clue about his primary audience and has shown no interest in connecting with them. 

This isn’t to say that Steven Universe is a perfect show. No show is beyond criticism. Nor is this to say that straight white cis men can’t write; many of them do and can portray characters unlike themselves competently enough. But if you’re completely disinterested in other points of view than you can’t be a good writer of fictional stories, that’s just a fact. Because in order to understand proper characterization you need to acknowledge that not every character ever will be like you and that even you’re main heroes will hold beliefs and experiences different from yourself. Otherwise there is no genuine conflict to build off of. Either no one will disagree with each other or the conflict will come across as flat and forced, complete with lopsided bias. 

Therefore, in the end, Rapunzel winds up being less of a Steven and more of a Rose Quartz/Pink Dimond. Both are spoiled princesses/co-rulers of a kingdom that mistreats it’s people and anyone outside of it, who rebelled against their guardians, supposedly out of a sense of justice, but really for themselves and their own freedom, only to make things even worse for everyone. On top of that they both accidently harmed their friends, freindzone their best friend while also bossing them around, are condescending to their love interests, is controlling of people who trust them, and throws temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want, oh and neglected someone for an inhumane amount of time. 

Even then, Rapunzel winds up being the worst of the two. 

The whole point behind Rose was that she is someone whom the main characters place upon a pedestal and as the series went along slowly had the scales fall from their eyes and learned to view her for who she really was flaws and all. By the end, in Future, she is even metaphorically removed from her pedestal when Steven removes her picture from the wall.  

Rose also grows as a character, unlike Rapunzel. Her story is deliberately being told to us backwards. The awful person she was in the past was no longer who she was by the time of her death. True she was still flawed, and the consequences of her actions continued on even after her demise, but she actually tried to be a better person. She got called out for her behavior, she wasn’t excused for actions even when the show explained why she did what she did, and she stopped doing harmful actions whenever she realized that they hurt someone. 

Greg was allowed to stand up to her and show how she was wrong, and she respected him for it and later fell in love with him because of it. She tried to better control her temper when she wound up hurting her friend. Her failed revolution and her mistreatment of Spinel was actually born from a misguided desire to help, rather than outright selfishness. 

Rose Quratz/Pink Dimond is a brilliant fucking character. You may not like her, but you can’t deny that she is one of the most complex figures in children’s media to ever be created. She is real, nuanced, and multifaceted. He role within the story is complicated, messy, and intricate. She is the most well rounded female character I’ve ever seen and she is what I had hoped Rapunzel would be when I first watched season one, only even more so as the actual focus. 

I want women in cartoons to be people! 

But Rapunzel fails at every turn to follow through with this promise. She is not a deep complex character. She’s not a flawed and complicated heroine. She’s a blank canvas in which the creator can shove his creepy ass views upon. She is never taken off her pedestal, she’s never allowed to be wrong, and she is forced to spout the the creator’s personal bias against other characters. 

Rapunzel isn’t a person. She had the chance to be one, but then was reduced to .. to this. As a woman, the treatment of Rapunzel and Cassandra in this show is just flat out insulting. 

So What Is the Difference Between Angry and Red Now?

I’m all for character growth, but at this point Angry and Red are just interchangeable. Anything that made them uniquely them has been lost, and they’re now just fulfilling the generic rambunctious little kid trope. Red becoming more assertive shouldn’t mean she stops being an introvert altogether; that’s not how that works. While Angry shouldn’t lose her temper completely just because she’s wiling to open up more. 

So Why Dwayne?

I like Dwayne as a character and in truth I don’t mind his existence here, and unlike that werewolf hunter last time he at least was established in a pervious season. But this is still time that could have went to a more important antagonist. 

Also notice that Dwyane gets a villain song, but not Lady Caine or Zhan Tiri. Just saying. 

Rapunzel Has Not Earned the Role of the Wise Sage and Mentor 

Rapunzel has never learned to listen to others. Ever.

On it’s own this might have been a good speech, but when taken in context of the wider story it just makes Rapunzel look like an ass. 

A year traveling does not make Rapunzel suddenly all knowing. She is not wiser nor more experienced than anyone else in this scene. She’s also a crappy leader and big fat hypocrite.  

Even when she’s technically right, as seen here, she’s still in the wrong because she never follows through and acts upon her own advice; making this whole story pointless in the grand scheme of things. 

And that’s the core problem with season three. Rapunzel is shoved into a role she is not designed for and the whole premise of the series runs right off the rails. You’re main heroine in a coming of age story can not inhabit the mentor role. She can not simultaneously learn and grow and be always right while instructing everyone else. 

All through out season three Rapunzel is either rendered completely useless in her own damn series, or she utterly fails to fulfill any sort of narrative promise laid out for her while she infuriatingly hijacks the story from more interesting and dynamic characters. 

Behold The Only Reason Why Varian was Included in the Episode 

Speaking of hijacking things, Rapunzel of course has to get the idea to save everybody, even though what she thinks of isn’t anything special. It’s not derived from her character as an individual nor from all that experience she supposedly has. It’s literally an idea anyone could have come up  with and the show just hands it to her in order to justify her exitance. 

Meanwhile the character who actually is useful to the plot is sidelined and reduced to just a plot device. And not just here, Varian is rendered practically pointless in all but two episodes in season three, even in episodes that he actually should have more impact in, like the season opener and series finale. 

Good writing treats characters as equally contributing to the plot in ways that complements who these characters are.  

Ok I’ll Admit That This Line Is Funny

Look, I know this whole review series is about pointing out the negative, and I stand by my opinion that Tangled the Series is one of the worst written shows I’ve ever seen, but I want to make one thing clear.... I do not hate the show. If I hated the show I would not waste my time reviewing it. 

Yes the over all writing is shit, but there are a lot of good things to be found in the series beyond just the crap story arc. The humor is usually solid, the animation is gorgeous, the music is a delight, and the majority of the characters are likable even though they don’t develop in the ways that they should. There’s a lot of talent that went into this show and there’s a lot of potential to be had in it’s set up and lore. 

Being critical or negative about the aspects of something doesn’t mean you dislike it, or that you’re not a real fan, or that you’re just a ‘hater’, and I actually find TTS to be fascinating because it’s such a mess. I write reviews because they’re fun and because I genuinely think there is something to be learned from Tangled’s mistakes. 

So Why Do We Cut Back to Rapunzel Here and Not Varian? 

This is such an odd framing choice. Varian is the one who is talking and reacting to what’s happening. It’s his pet that’s in trouble and therefore he carries the emotional weight of the scene, and yet it’s Rapunzel’s shocked face we focus on? Why? What’s the point of that? She has no business being the center focus here. The action does not involve her. 

If you wanted to include her for a later set up then why not have both her and Varian present in this shot? Usually I can at least count on the story boarders to frame things better than this, but they really missed the mark here. Unless Chris is just that stupid and petty that he over ruled them and forced Varian out of the scene, but that seems like a pointless fight to pick, even for him. 

See This is How you Fulfill a Narrative Promise 

The conflict between Ruddiger and Max was set up in season one with What the Hair, then it was reiterated a few episodes ago during The Lost Treasure of Herz Der Sonne, and then it was reintroduced in this episode along with a stated lesson about working together that they needed to learn. By they end of the episode, guess what, they’ve learned to work together. That is how you properly set up and resolve a conflict. 

It’s clear from this that the writers of Tangled the Series know the basic tenants of writing and how to fulfill narrative promises. So the fact that they don’t follow through with this in the majority of the show’s episodes and ongoing story arcs just baffles me. 

Is it negligence? Is it hubris? Is it incompetent management and editorial mandates? Is it just one asshole ruining everything or is this a failure in the writers room as a whole? 

I just don’t understand what the fuck went wrong here. There’s no reason for why the show got as bad as it did. How does the most acclaimed animation company in the world put out such amateurish tripe? 

Just... wow. 

Now you know why I’m mesmerized by this show. It is a mystery to be solved, like trying to figure out how the crew on the Titanic fucked up so badly or why Hindenburg blew up. You just can’t look away. 

Conclusion 

Like I said at the start, structurally speaking this is the strongest episode of the season. I personally enjoy Lost Treasure a little more, just because Rapunzel annoys me less in that, but it’s not a bad story. However when you’re best episode in your final season is filler, then you know you’re in trouble. 

If you like my reviews and want to support my writing endeavors you can drop a tip in my kofi https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[kitsunekissesxo]

“Let’s break a school rule”

Obey Me Satan Smut: “Let’s break a school rule” part 1, part 2 “Breaking a Rule to Mend Another”

Warnings: 18+ under the cut, implied fem MC, literal smut, penetration, exhibitionism

Summary: You keep getting called down to RAD’s office. Satan ensures your next trip to the office is more than worth it.

You were royally fucked. It was the third time you were called down to the RAD office this week, and you were sure you weren’t going to live after this time.

The first time was completely Mammon’s fault. He kept throwing notes at you during class, and, you, at the end of your rope, loudly told him to stop. Unlucky for you, the professor only heard you interrupting the very important history lesson of the Celestial War. As you were told to head down to the office, you locked eyes with Mammon, shooting daggers his way. He gulped and offered a weak smile adorned with a thumbs up. You were so going to have revenge on him later. After explaining to Lucifer in the office what happened, he let you off with a warning. Lucifer was always sympathetic when it came to being wrongfully involved in Mammon’s shenanigans.

The second time was, surprisingly enough, Belphie’s fault. He’d convinced you to skip maths with him outside in the garden. What you thought was going to be a quaint walk with Belphie turned into him napping on one of the benches. Should you have been surprised? Probably not. In an attempts to wake him up, (you skipped class solely for him. You were NOT going to let him snooze away your precious time with him), you were spotted by Barbatos. He made sure you both reported to the office immediately for skipping class. What in the hell was he doing in the garden, anyway?

Lucky for you, Diavolo wasn’t in- so you were once again met with Lucifer. He was more stern this time, and your punishment was to be on food duty the rest of next week. How could you complain about spending more time with Beel, though?

This time, however, was undeniably your fault. And Satan’s. You both had deliberately disobeyed a strictly enforced rule:

Absolutely No Sex in RAD.

You thought Satan was pulling your leg when he had told you about this rule.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard. It’s a damn demon academy for fuck’s sake,” You had sputtered in disbelief.

Satan explained that while, yes, they were demons, Diavolo wanted to ensure that they atleast had some “common decency”, as he had put it. And, of course, he explained all of this to you while he planted kisses in the crook of your neck, the both of you stuffed in some storage closet in RAD. You were sitting on a counter with him standing between your legs. His one hand was grabbing your hip while the other reached down to squeeze your ass as you leaned forward, your own fingers entangling in his blond locks while a soft moan escaped your lips as he placed hot, wet, open mouthed kisses on your neck. You moved your hands down to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, silently asking for him to remove the offending clothing. He chuckled into your neck, lifting his head up to place his forehead against yours to give you room to successfully unbutton his shirt for him. All the while his hands rested on your hips, his fingers dancing above your skirt, occasionally dipping a few fingers under, but not deep enough to touch you where you wanted.

You pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and dove your head forward to plant kisses on his collarbone, leaving a teasing bite on his shoulder. He let out a satisfied sigh, his grip on your hips tightening before moving down to slip them under the hem of your skirt, fingers digging into the supple flesh of your ass. His hips were then pressed flush against yours, his buldge straining in his pants and rubbing against your lower half deliciously.

“Fuck, Satan, please, I need you now,” you whispered into his neck, fingers fumbling with the button on his pants.

He nodded, shoving your skirt further up to get better access to your core, the fabric bunching on your thighs.

You took his cock out of his boxers, pumping him a few times as he slotted his mouth against yours, his breath catching. His own fingers came down to rub you through your panties, a slick wet spot already formed from your earlier kissing leaving him smirking against your lips.

He roughly shoved your panties to the side and began to rub the head of his cock against your slick entrance. “You want my cock, kitten? Yeah? Beg for it,” he breathed out, continuing his delicious torture against your entrance, just barely pushing the head in before rubbing against you once more.

“Please,” you mewled, “please, I need you. I need you so fucking bad.”

And with that, his hips snapped forward, bottoming out as he sheathed himself inside you. You moaned out loudly, grasping at his shoulders desperately.

Push came to shove and eventually Satan was fucking you like his life depended on it, his name falling off of your tongue as he mercilessly pounded into you. He tried to conceal your sounds with a sloppy, open mouthed kiss, but the searing intimacy of him panting and groaning into your mouth egged you on even further. One hand was clinging onto his silky blond locks, the other roaming the expanse of his chest and toned abdomen when it wasnt clinging onto his back or shoulder for dear life. He really was sex on legs; you were surprised he wasn’t the Avatar of Lust.

You were so close to feeling pure bliss, his cock hitting you in all the right places, his hips crashing into yours while he held you in place, his thumb rubbing fervent circles into your clit, his delicious moans entwining with yours. You were so close, and yet-

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Mother fucking shit. Did Satan not lock the door?

Satan froze momentarily, sending you a sly smile, panting, before he whipped his head around to see that Lucifer himself had flung the door open to reveal your lewd antics.

Wonderful.

Your eyes met Lucifer’s stone cold red ones, and you suddenly became all too aware of how vocal you had been and how intensely the room smelled of sex. You had to avert your eyes from the prideful demon, suddenly feeling a little too exposed.

“Get yourselves decent and then head immediately to Diavolo’s office, MC. Satan, you’re coming with me.” He said through gritted teeth, sending Satan an icy glare.

The blond in question turned back to you, giving you another dazzling smile as he ran his fingers through his soft hair. The gentleman that he is, he helped button up and straighten out your uniform before heading off to see Lucifer. The smug look was written all over his face, not even trying to conceal it when he wished you luck with Diavolo, and promised to finish your little session later.

Oh yeah.

Diavolo.

It hit you like a ton of bricks.

You were going to be face to face with the Prince of Hell, to be punished for being caught fucking in a RAD storage closet.

-

Link to part 2 Diavolo smut up top! Hope u enjoyed the first part <3

[ballet-symphonie]

MTL to be promoted part II - ft. leading/1st/2nd BT soloists

By popular demand, here is my list of Bolshoi up and coming soloists and their promotion chances in my opinion. The list is what I believe will happen (not what I want to happen, unfortunately, as my name is not Makhar Vaziev)  Also, as there was a bit of confusion last time, especially for lower level soloists, those who I think will go all the way up to principal will have an *asterisk*. I tried to add more comments as well as that was also requested! Of course, the following is only my opinion 

NOT IF BUT WHEN:

Eleonora Sevenard* (Let’s be real, she’s the golden girl.  Even her principal colleges are hailing her as a “hero” after dancing 3 Etudes back to back to back)

Alena Kovaleva* (Huge backing by the company, given prominent opening night performances both at BT and on tour, mgmt literally hired a partner just for her)

Olga Marchenkova* (Vaziev Aesthetic™ )

ITS POSSIBLE:

Margarita Shrainer (Gets big roles, leading parts in broadcasts but seems to have issues with mgmt, has gotten taken out of leading parts but left in smaller ones, on her 3rd? coach, very strong willed, somehow I think she’ll will herself to principal)

Anastasia Denisova (Vaziev Aesthetic™ , interesting that she and Marchenkova both graduated under Elena Vatulya at MRAX )

Xenia Zhiganshina (Slower growth, she’s older than Sevenard, but good in all genres, had a very successful principal debut in Sylphide, think she will go up but not all the way)

WHO KNOWS WHATS IN VAZIEV’S BRAIN:

Daria Khokhlova (Hard worker, huge jump, charmingly awkward in a way, suits all the cute roles, don’t think she truly principal quality but maybe to leading soloists when there’s space)

Elizaveta Kruteleva (Randomly got on the radar with a Swanilda debut?)

Antonina Chapkina (boring and unstable but POWERFUL connections, the fact that she’s in the company is proof of that)

Nelli Kobakhidze (Should be a principal character artist by now, give her the pay raise Vaziev!)

Angelina Vlashinets (excels in contemporary and neoclassical, esp. Balanchine, but minimal noteworthy classical roles)

BABE IT AINT HAPPENING:

Kristina Kretova (Very limited rep, especially artistically)

Ana Turazashvilli (Seems to be straddling the ballet/acting/modeling world)

Kristina Karasyova (once seemed on the rise with a gorgeous Juliet in 2018, but nothing since)

Viktoria Yakusheva  (Age, but still around and kicking in the contemporary rep)

Anastasia Vinokur (Was never really relevant to begin with?)

Anna Rebetskaya (Age)

Anastasia Meskova (Age and boring)

Yulia Skvortsova (Age)

WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER

Anastasia Goryacheva (Graduated in ’98, does she still go here?)

Yulia Grebenshchikova (Missed her chance, unlucky timing with her graduation class)

Maria Vinogradova (A pretty face and a famous husband can only take you so far)

Anna Tikhomirova (BIG SIGH, absolutely brilliant in variations, becomes a catastrophe when she dances full lengths)

Some observations:

WOW BT have a lot of people, even compared to MT the company really is huge. There’s a lot more people ‘hanging on’ in the lower soloists ranks comparatively.

BT also has an aging principal population, all the female principals except Stepanova and Smirnova are 35+ and the BT mgmt has been pretty heavily enforcing the 40+ rule when moving people to ‘working under contract’ (unless your initials are SZ, retiring her would be career suicide)  In theory, there will be a LOT of spots open for principal women coming soon.....

[hinasho]

isle of the lost vs descendants 1 characterizations

the book ends literally when the movie starts so their personalities cant be that different right? lets see

(similarities posted at the bottom!)

DIFFERENCES:

book: when evil queen goes on about beauty related things, especially in regards to her daughter, usually evie would begrudgingly recite whatever “tip” eq taught her and just go along with what she says. not to say she hated those kinds of things, but whenever her mother brought it up, she never expressed similar excitement or engagement. more often than not she was indifferent to her mother’s beauty antics, and we only see her talk about them in regards to herself in the last few chapters (im not talking abt the mirror incident, but the one liners she’d drop about her appearance here and there) movie: when the parents first tell their kids about going to auradon, eq talks about sprucing her daughter up before she leaves and evie is visibly excited about the makeover. she also goes onto encourage it on others as seen when they’re all in the limo and she tries to put makeup on mal.

book: the villain parents are not friends and we almost never see them together. the one time we saw the parents/adults all together was in the prologue scene for evie’s 6th birthday party. after that they never interact and dont pay each other any mind. this is especially true regarding evil queen and maleficent, as they state in the book that they’ve been at odds ever since they fought over who’d rule the isle. eq has also just been welcomed back into society after being banned by the other, so time-wise, at worst, they are still enemies and, at best, barely tolerable acquaintances. movie: evil queen & maleficent have a significantly close relationship, so much so that eq knows her house like the back of her hand and where maleficent keeps things, specifically that her spellbook is in the fridge. they even have a laugh about how they use to run things before being forced to live on the isle. they seem to be genuinely close. 

put the rest under the cut bc this post is too long lol

book: jafar and jay’s mantra is “whoever has the gold makes the rules” which was significant because it helped them while in the forbidden fortress movie: jafar and jay’s mantra is “there’s no team in I” (while this change was surprising, i also wasn’t that upset abt it bc both book and movie!jay struggle with teamwork)

book: carlos is not athletic at all and goes on about how he hates gym class. he is very focused on stem and doesn’t really care about any other kind’ve hobby. meanwhile jay is athletic and does casual parkour when going anywhere. movie: both of them do extreme parkour in the opening song. im not referring to the dancing ofc, but the extra flips and tricks they do. this is not unusual for jay, but is in regards to carlos.

book: jay isn’t the only one that goes around stealing things, mal very much does it to. at the end of the day they’d even compare how many things they’ve stolen to see who’s the best thief. jay usually wins, but still, both are thieves. movie: when they get to auradon, mal is very confused as to why jay would take the time to steal things and even needs for him to explain why he does it.

book: ben describes audrey as a classic fairy tale princess. she finds all things in auradon lovely and beautiful, and even has a bird land on her finger during their date. while she does think negatively of everyone on the isle, she acts mostly “lovely and sweet” before anything else, and it is not faked. think: giselle from enchanted. movie: idk how else to explain this difference besides “audrey just has a different vibe”. she is more regina george-esque than genuinely cheery, and puts on an obviously fake smile and attitude so often that queen belle expresses distaste for her 

SIMILARITIES:

mal likes art and goes around the isle putting up tags --- (the romance storyline wasn’t bad, but it would’ve been nice to see mal maybe join an art club? or get into painting or smthg else related to her hobby)

carlos is afraid of dogs --- in the book he can’t even say or hear the word bc it’s a trigger for him. he can say “puppies”, but he cannot say the word dog. whereas in the movie, he says the word several times. this is an extremely minor difference to be fair

when they’re afraid/think they’re in danger, they all cling to jay

they’re not used to sunlight 

the ben & mal tension on first meet (and continued infatuation before the cookie scene) --- in the book both characters have had a dream about the other. they didn’t know who the other was, but they remembered the dreams vividly enough that they were able to describe their faces in detail. in the movie when they first meet, both pause on each other several times. it’s likely because of the o’l Disney Romance™️, but it could also be because of curious recognition. 

jay is a flirt/smoother charmer and girls fawn over him

carlos is good with and likes science & technology

mal wanting to prove herself to her mother & the others not being as set on it --- in the book, mal is constantly reminded of the times her mother has called her “not worthy of bearing her own name or of being her daughter” and it causes mal to lose her cool several times. the other VKs also have parental issues ofc, but ones that are not as focused on proving themselves like mal’s are. theirs lean more towards other problems. in the movie she is extremely insistent on reminding them what they’re at auradon for and that this is their “one chance to prove themselves”

the core four freeze in fear when confronted with the reality of their parents’ pasts

mal can touch maleficent’s scepter --- to be fair that dance number in the museum was most likely just mal daydreaming, but still

jay going off on his own/following his own plan --- in the book jay and jafar plan for him to go with mal to the forbidden fortress and then double cross her and steal the scepter for himself, taking it as their “big score”. in the movie when they first see the wand with their own eyes, he runs off in front of everyone and only opens the gate enough for himself to squeeze through. carlos has to open it wider so they can all get through it after him. and once theyre in the same room as the wand, he reaches for it first against mal’s wishes.

carlos is bad at sports --- this is in both the differences & similarities section because, while in the book & movie he’s bad at sports, in the book he also doesnt like them and has no desire to do them as he is completely focused on science & tech. while after some practice in the movie, carlos joins the tourney team alongside jay. (i personally would’ve preferred for him to join a computer or engineering club)

mal can manipulate people with ease (book: evie / movie: jane & ben)

fairy godmother is mainly the one that enforces the “no magic” rule --- beast may have created it, but both in the book & the movie, people/creatures talk about fairy godmother being the one that restricts them

carlos climbs trees/searches for higher ground when afraid

evie knows how to use her looks, specifically her smile, to get the things she wants (book: persuading dr. facilier / movie: getting info out of chad)

audrey likes to dance 

carlos is sarcastic & competitive 

mal cheers up evie when she’s upset 

evie is good with academics

ben wanting to be his own person rather than act like his father --- this was a good continuation from book to movie as ben only realizes he needs to be himself in the final chapters, which he just continues to encourage in the movie. 

mal’s spur of the moment saving tactics

the villains aren’t good with computers/the internet --- the isle canonly doesn’t have wifi and in the movie the villains struggle with the laptop that was most likely given to them from an auradon representative

audrey’s family still being deeply traumatized by what maleficent did 

belle not letting beast talk shit 

mal pitying her mother for what she went through --- in the book: when she sees the past of what happened at aurora’s christening and sympathizes that her mother was nothing but a sad lonely girl. in the movie: the “and i really wish you hadn’t gotten there yourself” line during ben’s coronation

annddd yeah!

honestly there were a lot more similarities than i was expecting, and i am pleasantly surprised! book to movie things dont usually crossover well, but honestly, the first movie didnt do too bad of a job of it. 

tbh i think the one that probably suffered the most was audrey’s character. she really seemed very different from her book counterpart. this isnt to say that book!audrey was a saint and would’ve treated the VKs kindly, but she also wasn’t a fake person and was genuinely that cheery and upbeat all the time. whereas in the movie, it seems like almost nobody likes her (except chad) bc of her “fakeness”. 

i personally think if they were gonna go with the “bad girl and her minion” role, then audrey should’ve been the minion. in the book she was kind’ve an airhead (?? idk she just tended to have her head in the clouds a lot) and if one of the auradon girls told her to act a certain way towards the VKs for the “good of auradon”, i could see her listening to them. i dont know if she’d be the one to come up with the evil deed herself though. 

overall, the continuity flowed pretty well. i wish they didn’t change audrey’s character like they did (they probably could’ve had jane play the role of ‘stuckup girl’ tbh since she was a new character and her mother had a higher position in the kingdom compared to audrey’s parents anyway, so smthg to boast abt), but other than that, the movie’s characterizations were kinda close to the books!

[whitehotharlots]

Liberal cruelty has consquences

This semester is winding down. As I am desperate to avoid grading student papers, I’ve spent the morning reading longish-form online articles. I just came across one that I feel very conflicted about. The online reaction to it as been troubling. So I don’t know if I have anything particularly coherent to say, but I’d like to talk about it.

The anonymously written piece is titled “What Happened After My 13-Year-Old Son Joined the Alt Right.”  It documents a young man’s journey from a garden variety, liberal-leaning goon to a frothing neo nazi mutant.

The piece is understandably sympathetic, seeing as it was written by the boy’s parent. The writer’s whiny and heavy handed tone caused me, and most of my e-pals, to dismiss it. If anything, the essay showcases an immense failure of parenting. If my child were to ask me to take him or her to a “Traditional American Culture” rally, I would slap the everloving shit of them. Lord knows how many times the kid’s parents had dropped the ball before it ever got to that point.

But then I re-read the start of the article, in which the parent identifies the trigger point for their son’s downward slide:

One morning during first period, a male friend of Sam’s mentioned a meme whose suggestive name was an inside joke between the two of them. Sam laughed. A girl at the table overheard their private conversation, misconstrued it as a sexual reference, and reported it as sexual harassment. Sam’s guidance counselor pulled him out of his next class and accused him of “breaking the law.” Before long, he was in the office of a male administrator who informed him that the exchange was “illegal,” hinted that the police were coming, and delivered him into the custody of the school’s resource officer. At the administrator’s instruction, that man ushered Sam into an empty room, handed him a blank sheet of paper, and instructed him to write a “statement of guilt.”

No one called me as this unfolded, even though Sam cried for about six hours straight as staff members parked him in vacant offices to keep him away from other students. When he stepped off the bus that afternoon and I asked why his eyes were so swollen, he informed me that he would probably be suspended, but possibly also expelled and arrested.

If Kafka were a middle-schooler today, this is the nightmare novel he would have written.

At a meeting two days later with my husband, Sam, and me, the administrator piled more accusations on top of the harassment charge—even implying, with undisguised hostility, that Sam and his friend were gay. He waved in front of us a statement from the girl at the table and insisted that Sam would need to defend himself against her claims if he wanted to prove his innocence. But the administrator refused to reveal the particulars of the complaint (he had also blacked out identifying details, FBI-style) and then hid the paperwork under a book. He declared that it was his primary duty, as a school official and as a father of daughters, to believe and to protect the girls under his care.

Eck… who edited this? It would have worked so much better without a fucking Kafka reference.

So, maybe it was the tone. I dunno. But most readers seem to regard this section as exaggerated, possibly fabricated.  The takeaway was “boo hoo, the nazi kid got punished for sexually harassing  a girl.” Heck: If a reader is truly dedicated to the #BelieveAllWomen mantra, then this description doesn’t warrant sympathy even if it’s entirely true. The kid said something that upset the girl. It wasn’t directed to her and it wasn’t about her. But still, he upset her, and she’s a girl, so he is bad and deserved whatever punishment was doled out to him.

And this got me thinking about my experiences in high school, as a student in the late 90s and a teacher in the mid-aughts. Administrators seemed to always be adopting some or other policy of harsh punishment for bad behavior: zero tolerance toward weapons, drugs, hats, disrespectful posture, electronic devices, swearing, Simpsons t-shirts, and mentally unhygenic reading materials. During dances and social gatherings, my middle school allowed students to bring in CDs from home. That was a decent policy, but anyone who attempted to play a “hip hop” track would receive an immediate suspension for “endorsing violence,” regardless of the track’s lyrical content. My high school adopted a firm anti-bullying policy, but once a boy came to school wearing a gothic dress as some kind of vague transgressive statement, and two separate male teachers called him a fag--out in the open, in front of everybody, as part of the official business of teaching.

Once, in 8th grade, two kids were caught taking over-the-counter caffeine pills. They didn’t get sick or anything; a girl saw them and she narced. They were arrested by the school resource officer, taken in a cop car to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped, and then summarily expelled, their young lives effectively ruined over 50 milligrams of a safe and legal stimulant. At an emergency assembly held the next day, the frog-faced principal croaked out a dire warning that the use of such drugs was strictly forbidden and we would all be subjected to the same fate, should we attempt to sneak in any No Doz. As he issued his stern warning, he slurped gluttonously from a 22-ounce mug of gas station coffee.

The point is, zero tolerance never really means zero tolerance. Rules are always--always, literally always, without exception in the whole of human history--enforced arbitrarily. Harsh policies rarely make anyone safer. They are employed instead to further humiliate and brutalize those who have already been rejected by the system. In my last two paragraphs, I cited the dumbest and most conspicuous examples of arbitrary cruelty that happened to pop into my head. This doesn’t cover the everyday, petty cruelties that teachers and administrators would exact upon kids they simply didn’t like. Without exception, these were the kids who were already marginalized: effeminate boys, masculine but unathletic girls, kids who dressed poorly, kids who spoke with accents, black kids, kids with learning disabilities or behavioral problems. These kids would be given detentions or even suspensions for minor infractions--looking away from the chalkboard, slouching, sneaking in candy, laughing at importune times, etc. It wasn’t the teacher’s fault, of course: zero tolerance and all that. But, strangely, the zero tolerance policies never seemed to apply to the popular, athletic, and/or well-connected kids. If Suzie Creamcheese was caught sneaking some Starburst during Algebra--well, she’s probably hungry, seeing as she works so hard. If Raul, Roofus, or Sheena were caught doing the same? God help them.

Some teachers were nicer than others, of course. Some were downright supportive. Others were simply evil. There was one, when I was in 7th grade, who was particularly repulsive and cruel--no kidding, his admiration of Rush Limbaugh was formative in my early-adopted hatred of American conservatives. He had matted red hair and teeth like a cracked picket fence and would wear a leather jacket out to lunch. Anyhow, he would prattle on about his hatred of kids who “Just. Refuse. To. Learn.” These kids were almost always black. Pure coincidence, I’m sure. He’d make a show of tossing them out of class--sometimes physically--for infractions as minor as getting an answer wrong when called upon. One time, a twitchy white kid who wore the same t-shirt every day called him out: It’s unfair, he said, that I’m getting thrown out of class for getting an answer wrong, when right before me another kid got several chances to respond.

The teacher turned beet red. He got on his knees and put his face two inches in front of the twitchy kid’s eyes. 

“I’m not throwing you out because you got the answer wrong,” he explained. “I’m throwing you out because you are you.”

Again, these are the conspicuous examples. The everyday stuff is harder to describe twenty-five years after it happened.  Most people were not brutalized and they didn’t have a single moment that ruined their life, but they were still exposed to a deeply unfair and cruel system, and such exposure naturally engenders feelings of betrayal, hopelessness, and anger.

Here’s my story--it’s particularly stupid. 9th grade. One day,  I walked into Spanish class, and the large woman who teaches in that classroom before my section grabbed me by the collar, physically lifted me out of my chair, and shoved her moist biscuit of a hand into my face. “What is this,” she demanded.

This was all very sudden. I could see nothing but her hand, which had a distinct fecal aroma.

“I don’t know,” I said.

She removed her hand. I looked down toward desk. She stood silently. I had no fucking idea what she was talking about.

“You’re gonna tell me what you did, right now, or I’m gonna double the detentions.”

I was still silent. Seriously, no idea what was going on. This enraged her. She began to count upward, starting at 3 detentions and stopping at 10, by which point tears were welling up and my face was flushed. I said I seriously did not know. She pointed to a small pentagram someone had engraved into the desktop. The desks, by the way, were movable. Anyone could have done it. She blamed me because she didn’t like me. I served 10 detentions and had to pay over a hundred dollars (a shitload of money for a 13-year-old) to get the desk refinished.

This isn't the end of the world, obviously. But it really, oddly broke me. Before, I had thought that so long as I did was I supposed to and didn’t break any rules, I’d be okay. Now I realized that was bullshit, that any vindictive cunt with a few ounces of power could punish me for any reason, at any time, and I wouldn’t be allowed to mount a defense. That’s the sort of thing that fucks with a kid’s head.  I mean, christ--it’s 23 years later and I’m still kinda pissed about it. I hope that woman is dead.

I regained a sense of control by stealing books from the woman’s classroom. A few times a week, I would grab a textbook when I came in, use it during class, and walk out with it. At the end of the school year, some friends and I burned them in a glorious bonfire along the banks of the Mississippi.

My response was petty and destructive, but I don’t feel any pengs of guilt or shame in remembering it. I had to do something to reassert agency, to feel like I had some control, and I managed to find a way to go about doing it that didn’t hurt anybody or get me into trouble. Regardless of the morality of my particular response, we can agree that kids are now much more surveilled than they were 20-odd years ago, and that minor mischief is now much more harshly criminalized. If a kid finds themself on the outs within their school, there’s really no way they can push back. Their only available avenue of asserting control over their lives is to wander into welcoming communities elsewhere…

One more anecdote then I’m done….

My sister was in high school during 9/11. The attacks were on a Tuesday, and the whole rest of the week was assemblies and talking circles and other such activities meant to assuage fear and gin up the hatred of the dirty brown bastards that done this. Two of my sister’s friends, older boys, were the sort of kids who read Howard Zinn and listened to Jello Biafra’s spoken word records. During one meeting, they expressed exasperation at a girl who was sobbing because she just, like, didn’t know why anyone would do that. The boys certainly didn’t approve of the attacks, but they tried to explain the whole concept of the US being an unhinged and murderous imperial power that had done much worse stuff all over the globe. The audience gasped. The boys were hauled into the principal’s office. They were charged with verbally assaulting the crying girl. One was suspended. The other expelled.

So, I dunno… go ahead. If you think due process is evil, that all victimhood claims are valid and should be taken at face value, and that kids of lesser social status should be demonized and made into criminals for upsetting members of the fair sex, then you do you. That’s fine if that’s what you believe. But please don’t be so naive as to think that the bulk of these newly criminalized behaviors are going to actually be malignant, or that the genuinely malignant behaviors of secure kids will be curbed in any way. Please respect yourself enough to realize that school admins aren’t magic sages with mature moral compasses--a plurality of them were business majors in college, for fuck’s sake. And most importantly, don’t be surprised if the kids you dismiss wind up doing some crazy or awful shit in response.

[hyphypmic]

Hypmic at Hogwarts

Thank you to the lovely anon that requested this!  

So, for this I decided to ignore their actual ages and just assume they’re all students with the exception of Jakurai, Hifumi, Doppo, Jyuto and Riou because they give out the professor vibe

Ichiro

Gryffindor pride all the way

Is not part of the golden trio (Harry, Ron and Hermionie), but is pretty close to Harry because of Quidditch

Is co-captain of the Quiddich team

Very much involves himself in fights against the Dark Lord

Very much involves himself in fights with Samatoki

Usually calls Harry out for his stupidity

Studies with Hermionie and doesn’t do half bad in his classes

Half-blood King, because Ichiro is king

However, only gets half-blood taunts from Malfoy, not from Samatoki

Hates bullies and stands up to Malfoy and calls him out sometimes

But he also tries to understand the boy

Calls out Harry when he’s being too hard on Malfoy and blatantly exposing that he’s obsessed with Malfoy and might have a small crush (sorry not sorry I’m a Drarry shipper)

Chaser on the Gryffindor team!

Jiro

Gryffindor also

Loves hanging around the Weasley twins and targets their siblings together

Helps run their joke shop

Sells the Weasley products like they’re drugs

Ron Weasley level of I don’t give a fuck about studies

Teachers: Jiro Yamada? I hate him

“MR. YAMADA PLEASE PUT THAT SPRAY CAN DOWN THIS MINUTE”

Vandalizes nicely enough so that it becomes decoration

Is on the Quidditch team as a beater

Forbidden forest? Third floor corridor? Filtch’s office? He’s been everywhere

Hogsmeade with no letter? Sure!

Ladies love him, though he’s kind of shy about it

Is the type to sleep in class

Skips divination on purpose

Hermione puts up with him only because she puts up with Ron and loves Fred and George

Saburo

Ravenclaw because he leaves the stupidity bravery to his brothers

Pretty close to Hermione even if they’re years apart

Adores Jakurai as the head of house and professor

Is bullied by Slytherins, but Ichiro and Jiro both deal with it

Samatoki also deals with it before it can happen because if anything, he understands sibling love

Teacher’s pet, and all the teachers love him

Gets along with the ghosts also

Top of his year, one of the most brilliant students

Insecure about the fact that his brothers are gryffindor and he’s a ravenclaw, but his brothers are so proud of him

Tutors students and they appreciate it

Gives the cutest valentines

Favorite subject is charms

McGonagall loves him

Samatoki

Slytherin (slytherin my bed please)

Same year as Ichiro and the Golden Trio

Isn’t that much of a delinquent, more of those really badass slytherins

Has a gang, but not like Malfoy’s. His gang is made up of different people in different houses

Not afraid to be bad, but protects those who can’t help themselves (only looks bad to Ichiro, even if like... he isn’t actually evil)

Try as Harry might, he can’t find a reason to find Samatoki evil (onlybthing he can get at us the tattoo and red eyes and white hair)

Never follows the dress code

Smokes, but doesn’t share his cigarettes/pipes a lot

Nemu is a hufflepuff, so really he protects her with his life

Any boy that goes on a date with her is dead

One of the only slytherins to not join up Malfoy with the Dark Lord

Legit a Slytherin because of the want for power character, not because of deceit

The exception to the rule that no slytherin comes out bad

Doesn’t give a flying fuck about the rules

Chaser on the Quidditch team

Calls out Malfoy for his shit and is unafraid to take a stand

Incredible at defense against the dark arts

Joins DA, along with his gang, if there’s one thing he and Ichiro agree with is that Voldemort is evil

Jyuto

Slytherin (please. my bed.)

Kinkiest fucker on the planet

Charms for the bed, has love potions

Knows how to manipulate

Good at blackmailing people

Is in Samatoki’s gang even if he is a teacher

Potions professor, even if he is one of the younger professors, like he impressed Snape of all people and was his star pupil

Has a job open for Magical Law Enforcement, but he’ll join up when the fight against Voldemort is over

He has an internship though in the ministry, that’s why he’s part time in Hogwarts

The more preferable potions teacher

Why does he have so many potions involving rabbits

Would spy for Dumbledore’s army

Good at Occulumency

Students actually have a crush on him and other teachers are either jealous or roll their eyes

When he goes to Hogsmeade, he goes to three broomsticks and drinks fire whisky instead of butterbeer

Cheers for Samatoki on the Quidditch team

Riou

Quidditch coach along with Madam Hooch

Care for Magical Creatures with Hagrid

From the Gryffindor house

Survival cooking that only Hagrid appreciates

House elves basically HATE HIM because the one time they let him cook, he served roadkill (to be fair it tasted good, but the house elves could not condone serving that to Dumbledore)

Helps out in the fight against Voldemort

Knows the ins and outs of the forbidden forest

Actually stays in the forbidden forest

Is friends with Firenze and the other centaurs respect him

He is one with the earth and knows a lot about Astronomy

The one time students caught him shirtless, they have a picture of him chopping wood in front of Hagrid’s cabin

This picture has circulated a lot

Jyuto has a copy of said photo

Riou never finds out about the photo

Used to be the scariest goalkeeper on the Gryffindor Quidditch team

Drinks with Hagrid

Not just alcohol

But tea, like he makes the tea Hagrid likes

Loves Fang (Hagrid’s dog) and takes care of Cerberus, was very attached to Norbert the dragon and Buckbeak

Rides hippogriffs when he can

Can actually call on the unicorns, and was ready to kill Quirrell when found out that he was the one killing the unicorns

Also friends with Madam Sprout and surprisingly, Neville Longbottom because they all love plants

Ramuda

BIGGEST SLYTHERIN EVER

During the sorting ceremony, everyone expected him to be in Hufflepuff but before the hat even touched his head, he was placed in Slytherin

Annoys the hell out of everyone in every other house, makes the other slytherins look tame (even Samatoki)

Actually sides with Malfoy

Yep has the dark mark before everyone else

Can unwittingly recruit people to join the Dark Lord

Deceives everyone with his cutesy attitude

Professors are very sketched out by him

Jakurai hates him the most because he is so noisy during transfiguration

You can definitely find him in Honeydukes

Actually adds more sugar to butterbeer

Eats all of the trectacle tart on the train

And the pumpkin pies

The chocolate frogs

Enjoys all of Bertie Botts every flavour beans

Malfoy loves using Ramuda, but Ramuda is just using him for money and closer connections to the dark lord

Good at hexes

Has blackmail on everyone

Dice

That one Gryffindor who begs for money

Pawns off muggle goods for money

Schedules gambling dates with Hagrid

Hagrid always wins, but then sometimes loses on purpose so that Dice wouldn’t be broke all the time

Is dating that lying Slytherin boy that never tells the truth, but always has the best wizarding fashion sense

Can’t afford anything so the Slytherin boy pays for all his stuff

Wears the same ratty robe all the time

Wears new robes on occasion thanks to that Slytherin boy

Plays music all the time

Doesn’t care really about the subjects in school

Though he kind of likes care of magical creatures

The train lady really gives him food because he’s wasting away

The house elves love him because he eats so much and more importantly, keeps Riou away from the kitchens

Literally has one coin in gringotts

On the quidditch team, but has the worst broom ever

Gentaro

Slytherin (why are there so many slytherins)

Is that Slytherin boy

The only person besides saburo and Hermione granger that enjoys History of Magic with professor binns

Can do a really good professor binns impression

Can do a really good umbridge impression

Lies so well

Sometimes covers for Harry

Really helps out dice covertly

Is literally dice’s guardian devil

Loves teasing Dice but if anyone else does, they’re so dead

Writes for fun and has the longest essays ever

Though most of those essays are with made up knowledge that he just infers

For some odd reason is good at divination

Has the best outfits whenever there is a dance

Actually helps dice pawn off the muggle goods

Loves astronomy so much

Waxes poetic about astronomy

Astronomy

Jakurai

Ravenclaw house head with Flitwick

The height difference is quite comical

Literally best friends with Minerva McGonagall

Has the patience of a god

Gets along with the ghosts except the bloody baron

Peeves is afraid of Jakurai for good reasons

Loves Hermione and sometimes gives her hair care tips

Malfoy somehow gets a hold of these tips

Snape also gets a hold of these tips and one day his hair just stops being greasy

No one calls name a greasy slime ball anymore because his hair just levelled up

Helps out Madam Pomfrey in the infirmary

Has that calming presence that would make anyone want to drink skele-gro

Very kind and compassionate

Hates the hell out of Ramuda every time he fucks up a spell in transfiguration on purpose

The other Transfigurations teacher

The hotter transfiguration teacher

The hot teacher who isn’t Jyuto or Hifumi or Riou

The hot teacher that fucking sings in his spare time

If you catch him on the dance floor, he’s graceful as fuck

Dumbledore might have a crush on him (can you blame him honestly)

Hates the dark lord

Parts the crowd like moses parts the Red Sea

Holds consultations and private tutoring sessions for students

More defensive when it comes to dueling

However can be aggressive

Master of the spells without speech

Has the best hair

Doppo

Hufflepuff (bc he’s so precious but a bit overworked)

The stressed teacher

Herbology because it’s not that stressful, but it still manages to be stressful

Is the one that gets crowded on by the students

Loves herbology with professor sprout

Sometimes a nervous wreak around students

I take it back always a nervous wreak

Is dating that really hot blonde teacher

No wait they’re married

Sits beside him on the house table

Dumbledore and Doppo sometimes talk gay- well no Dumbledore talks to Doppo about his insecurities but gay too yes

Usually can be seen in the faculty dying

Apologises a lot to students

Students actually love him and will defend anyone who calls him a useless klutz

Got actually gifts from students and some supportive love letters

Teachers remember him fondly because he does well and he really is just very insecure

He works so hard

Teachers even offer to take workload off of him, even if he takes more workload (this man has substituted for almost all the classes in Hogwarts)

Cares about the fight against Voldemort and helps when he can

Gets along with Neville Longbottom

Is a big supporter of Neville Longbottom

Really helps neville with herbology

Hifumi

Hufflepuff (bc if anything he’s Cedric Diggory level heartthrob)

Also kind of a Gilderoy Lockhart (with the looks) with more substance

Usually has a trail of students behind him

Although if he’s not in his robes, he is deathly afraid of the other female professors

So all the male professors make fun of him, but then Jakurai steps in and with a few words they back off

Gets along though with Madam Sprout though because plants are fun

Also has an amazing fashion sense

Can be found wherever there is a stressed redhead with blue highlights

Teaches divination and helps with the frog choir and Muggle Music

Has to wear his suit or at least cast a charm on himself to help with his gynophobia

Loves his stressed husband to death

Takes his stressed husband on dates around the castle

If you saw them in the Yule Ball, they were so cute on the dance floor that Dumbledore was fangirling

The Gilderoy Lockheart everyone loves

Treats his students out and really cares about his students

Does not neglect anyone

Though if you ask for consultation, you really have to schedule it, especially if you’re a girl because really he’s gonna run if you knock at his door

Gets fanmail

Loves conjuring roses

[painted-starlight]

White Disney Princess Problem: How Discussion of Historical Sexism in Europe is Avoided When They Had Every Opportunity to Portray it

And Also Acceptance into European Royalty is the Path to True Liberation?

Warning: Loooong Post (seriously, I’m not kidding), Disney Criticism, anti-T*angled, swearing, dissecting Disney princess movies, discussing the implications of classism and sexism in white princess films. I will be noting historical incidents of sexism in Europe, and how these instances are mysteriously absent in white princess films despite sexism playing a major role in portraying princesses of color’s culture. 

Tl;dr/Summary: White Disney Princess Films have a reoccurring theme of showing how being part of white European royalty is the true path to liberation, even though historically this is a completely laughable concept. Sexism faced by princesses of color are portrayed as being ingrained in their culture and the films are explicit pointing their fingers.

Unlike their princess of color counterparts, the limited amount of sexism white princesses face is often whitewashed, downplayed, or even considered empowering.

This creates an implication that white European royalty and White European society is inherently more liberating for women, fairer than nonwhite cultures, and more humane. But in reality European royals were often notoriously sexist, and often violently so. Portraying white European royal culture as being inherently more freeing is historically inaccurate and irresponsible.

Also, I’m a picky little shit who delves into a lot of historical sexism that should be in the white princess films since Disney is soooo concerned about sexism enough to point it out in their princess of color films, but are mysteriously absent in their white European ones. 

Important Note: 

No, I don’t hate these films, I love many disney princess movies. 

And no, I don’t hate the fact that these girls have simple wishes. 

I don’t care if a character wants to go see the human world, or make a pretty dress, or paint or see lanterns or whatever. That’s FINE. 

What I hate is that they make a huge stink about how this or that nonwhite culture mistreats women, or how it’s unfair, but they never do the same for white Europeans. They always portray white europeans as nicer, kinder, etc. and find a convenient excuse to ignore/gloss over/whitewash the violent sexism present in european history. That is my ultimate problem. The double standard. 

The Double Standard 

I find it very interesting how in portraying Disney princesses of color, that the tend to portray sexism and social inequality as something that is naturally ingrained in their society. Mulan and Jasmine come into mind for this, as their social structures are considered unfair and undermine their character arcs. The sexism they face is something to overcome and to prove themselves.

But with white Disney princesses, despite coming from Europe (which is often violently patriarchal and demanding of compliance of social expectations of gender—think Henry the VIII’s infamous desire for a male heir, the influence of the Church, popular portrayals of the Madonna with the Virgin/Whore dichotomy) they all tend to either not face sexism or dismiss the notion outright in their films.

It’s important to note that earlier white Disney princesses (like Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora) tend to be portrayals of idealized femininity. They were designed to be what is considered appealing to patriarchal standards. Highly feminine, domestic, and at times passive.

Obviously, their stories wouldn’t tackle sexism. The sexism is what what was considered appealing for white men. It was their idealized femininity, and this trend actually still continues today. 

But these princesses legacy lives on. They affect white Renaissance Disney princesses and beyond. They have set the standards of what is considered “appropriate” for white princesses to be. 

This infection has spread a great deal to how they marketed especially. Sparkles, glitter, princess outfits at all times. But this post is about their movies, and how white princess films have often sidestepped the issue of sexism in European royal society.

Belle

Yes, there is sexism in this movie. Yes, it portrayed as being bad. But when we look at context of the film, there is a noticeable ahistorical approach to class and expectations of gender in royal society.

The lower class is filled with expectations for Belle. She needs to marry in order to fit in. The opening song is demonstrative of what she doesn’t want to be: a woman who is ogled by men and forced to have as many children as possible. The village, without a “proper” royal hierarchy, makes their own by “electing” Gaston, a boorish sexist pig. In a way, they are considered worse off without the influence of a King or Queen.

The village in question is isolated, and are not considered a representative of the outside world. It’s an individual case, and it’s upsetting but not considered the norm. 

The royals are what REAL freedom is, apparently. Where Belle has access to books, has a palace full of people who accept her for who she is, and has a connection to a prince who has been cursed. She is free to do as she pleases, with the Beast encouraging her love for reading.  

EDIT (08/12/19): 

Hm, I should really revise this wording, as it is a little vague. One of the key elements in understanding this movie’s themes is that Belle is initially Beasts’ prisoner. 

There is no freedom until AFTER she changes him and he has the maturity to let her go (Though I believe she is ignorant of the rose being a ticking clock). But once she gets it, she is apparently “free” to do as she pleases.  

Initially, it’s kind of like going from one prison (social expectations) to another (which is a literal one). But when regarding the narrative, it all places emphasis on individual choices. White European stories told by Disney tend to judge characters based on their choices and they never judge the culture itself, just choices people make. 

While placing emphasis on individual choices is fine in a vaccum, they never do this for nonwhite cultures, particularly Renaissance disney films with nonwhite leads. Those films tend to rely on racial stereotypes to fill the cast and not give them as much understanding as their white counterparts. 

The only reason the palace is in ruins is because the prince decided to judge people based on their looks. It turns not only himself, but his servants and the rest of the castle into twisted versions of themselves. The town fawns over Gaston and glorify his actions despite being an asshole, but it’s not something that is consistent with French culture. 

It’s important to note though, that once the monarchy is reinstated, things end happily ever after. But if people really want to claim historical accuracy, the expectations from Belle wouldn’t end there. 

(end note)

Sure, she would have access to books theoretically. But as a princess/queen, Belle would be expected to perform more feminine tasks and birth male heirs to inherit the throne. It’s in the culture of royals to do this. These expectations don’t go away.  

Most European royalty, especially France, have been notorious during this time period (assuming it’s Pre-Revolutionary France) for its nobility being separated from the general public at large. Royals had their own culture and etiquette. Royalty often had a culture that was exclusively for themselves. One historical account had King Louis XIV relocating their court and government to Versailles because they didn’t want to be near all the poor people in Paris. 

Which is probably where the creators of Beauty and the Beast (Disney film) based the idea of the village being separated from the palace came from.

Nobility also had strict ideas of what men and women’s roles are. In fact, you could argue that the idea that Belle would be “free” as a princess would be a laughable concept. Like it has been established earlier, European royalty had their own set of rules and restrictions based on gender and social expectations. 

Merida

It’s funny how the inherently sexist practices of royalty are suddenly something to be proud of and find power in it when it’s European, and hated when it’s from a nonwhite culture. 

In Brave, domesticity and performance of femininity are emphasized, much to Merida’s irritation, so it’s definitely truer to upper class customs than say, Beauty and the Beast.

Plausible Deniability aka “what sexism? I see no sexism!” 

However, this movie dances around the concept that sexism has anything to do with this by creating plausible deniability at every turn. It’s about Elanor and Merida, not the system that binds them. It doesn’t help that Eleanor is the one who enforces these rules on Merida, not to protect her from harm coming from the men in these social circles that would hurt her for not performing femininity, but because “it’s tradition.”

Merida laments that her brothers don’t have the same responsibilities as her, but of course they don’t. They’re like, five. She hates having to be a princess because it’s work, but of course? She’s a princess. 

It becomes a matter of her not wanting to do work and chalking it up to her being rebellious rather than a genuine effort to change anything about the social structure. It’s a generational difference that requires compromise, not upheaval. 

She doesn’t want to lose her freedom, but it’s portrayed as something she has to do to grow up. The obligations make her sad but she has to ultimately deal with it, reasserting the theme of “compromise” with her relationship with her mother and the clans. In the end, it’s about her and her mother, not about how this system treats women at all. She doesn’t put any responsibility for this system on her father (who would reinforce these rules because he is the KING) because she gets along with him more than her mother. 

That’s the problem with white princess films in general. They take problems that exist because of systemic and economic limitations and make it completely individualistic.  It’s important to note that Brave appears to be tackling sexism, but it never actually addresses it in a genuine way.

Lesson for Battling Systemic Sexism in Brave: Don’t Change the System, Change the Person!

Merida’s desire for change is based on her mother’s demands, and doesn’t tackle the social expectations themselves straight on. The men around Merida, who MADE and uphold these rules, aren’t considered a threat and are pretty much never held accountable. They are too bumbling, too endearing, and too funny to be called out on their expectations.  

The movies like, “oh yeah, this social structure is hindering and it’s sexist and whatever, blah, blah, blah but eVeryONE wants to follow their own path, not just Merida!!1” Her potential suitors don’t want to do this either. It’s totally not a sexism issue!!11

Even though historically, you’d have at least ONE suitor that didn’t care whether she wanted to or not, as it would be a power grab. But because they are so bumbling, they are almost all benign. The ending in itself is convenient as it allows Merida and Elanor to reconnect. But it doesn’t really change anything. Because it doesn’t want to. That wasn’t the point.

White Princesses: For Me, Myself, and I

Belle didn’t want to change how women were viewed, just her specific circumstances. Her plight is portrayed as systemic, but only in this one area that’s gone rogue. The world outside is more accepting, more free, and it’s in the confines of a royal castle. On a meta level, it’s kinda classist. I love the movie, don’t get me wrong, but on rewatch it seems to equate a lack of a monarchy ultimately leading into a mob mentality. Which, for France, makes sense. But when you have servants who just live to serve (no matter how vibrant their personality), I kind of get suspicious. 

Ariel didn’t want to change how mermaids interacted with humans, she just wanted to go up and see the human world. The benefits of her turning her into a human (freeing Ursula’s victims) is a happy accident that lines up with her ending.

Merida just wanted to be free to do whatever she wanted, which is considered selfish. She is a princess, and being a princess is hard work (when you want to make sure your character finds power in sexist practices). 

And to be honest, it’s fine to have a simple goal. Reconnect with your mother, make a pretty dress, see the lanterns, whatever. But the problem is the double standard when they go into films about people of color. They point out how sexist this non white culture is, how they mistreat women, but they never do the same for white princesses at all. These filmmakers always have some sort of excuse. 

Ariel

Ariel’s story is indivualistic and while there are hints of her being unsatisfied with her role as a princess (with her line “bright young women, sick of swimming”), it’s more about her personal journey to be human. She’s not dissatisfied because of her society because of sexist/prejudice expectations, but because she wants to explore. 

Once again, the world in which a white Disney princess goes into/winds up in a world of European royalty are considered a bastion of freedom. In the original tale, the prince is not idealized and she is miserable on the surface world when it turns out that all her sacrifice was for nothing. 

I’ve had people argue that Triton’s prejudice (which is often mislabeled as “racism,” which….no it’s not) is a social problem, it really doesn’t play much of a role rather than provide an opposition to overcome on the path to being human.

Even if Triton was fine with humans and let her explore the human world, it wouldn’t be enough. She’d still want to be human, just maybe not going to such extreme lengths. When Ursula is defeated, others are freed from her curse, but that’s an unintentional side effect of Ariel’s journey, not the goal. Sure, she’s disgusted, but she’s not out to right any wrongs. It’s just her. Like most white princesses, this is about herself. 

Elsa and Anna

Why is it that suddenly we have a powerful matriarchy when Europe has historically violently opposed the concept? You’d think that they would mention the sexism of royal European politics since she is the queen. 

I have looked it up, and the only way she could assess power is if she had a son to inherit the throne and then act as Queen regent until he inherited it (as was the case of Queen Margaret of Denmark in 1387, who ruled Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. Though she outlived her son and her successor was a relative after her death. Considering that this story presumably takes place in the early 1800s, that is a huge time difference and the politics of European royalty would be drastically different). 

No Male Heirs?

In earlier storyboards, we have suitors for Elsa that she rejects. We also had a regent who took the throne for Elsa after her parents died before she was coronated. But that character was deleted. So it’s safe to assume that she is not only being coronated, but also has absolute power.

Elsa is pretty much universally loved by her people and doesn’t have any real serious opposition to her rule politically. The Duke of Weasleton is a joke, and he is more concerned about his trade being compromised rather than her being a woman. 

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but other than calling her a witch, his sexism isn’t as explicit as it should be and isn’t taken very seriously. His character is more defined by his dislike of magic, and is portrayed as suspicious, arrogant and cowardly. 

In the end, it all came down to trade and goods. If Arandelle’s goods were damaged or expired from the winter, it might cause their prices to go up.But in reality, it’d just be easier for the Duke to look for a male relative of Elsa to usurp her and form some sort of alliance with him. And more historically accurate.

Hans, Kristoff and the Marriage Situation

Anna has the freedom to marry a commoner (Kristoff), a prince she was not previously engaged to (Hans), and she has the power to grant Hans authority. The mere fact that she was even allowed to be alone with him is cause for concern, as many upper class women had to have a chaperone when courting before they could even go walking together. 

She isn’t pressured to marry Hans, she does it because she wants to. She just chooses him at a party. Surely she’d have an arranged marriage, or something? 

Rapunzel

Obviously, because Ra//punzel is not raised to be a princess she would probably not be held to the same standards until she returned home. And I’m not gonna touch the animated series because it’s so far removed from the movie it shouldn’t be considered canonical.

But still, Tangl//ed the movie continues the trend of how being part of European royalty is pathway to freedom. She is only free when she is away from Mother Gothel (who is poor) and with her birth parents (who are rich).

Sexist Insults from Mother Gothel, But No One Else

She doesn’t encounter any sort of sexism in her society. It’s really interesting to note that these feminine expectations and sexist insults are put on her more by Mother Gothel than the village she encounters. But that’s more because Mother Gothel is trying to destroy her sense of self worth (by calling her chubby, encouraging long hair to preserve her own youth, etc.).

Modern Notions of Femininity vs. Historical Reality

Rapunzel herself already engages in traditionally feminine activities (reading is very limited, baking, arts and crafts, etc.) for a modern audience. This is absolutely key because Mother Gothel wouldn’t be able to afford such a variety of paint for Rapunzel.

Painting for the longest time was considered a high art for men and male apprentices. Women weren’t encouraged to pursue it and it wasn’t seen as something traditionally feminine until recently.

Painting as a hobby (such as Rapunzel’s colorful and pastel palette) is more of a skill that is acceptable for girls now, since paint and brushes are in abundance and availability.

You can skip over this next part about the painting if you want. It’s basically me griping about how Rapunzel’s painting habits would be next to impossible in real life to do in the 1800s unless she had her own workshop with her own apprenticeship and income. 

Painting? Maybe... Painting on the Walls? No freaking Way

In reality, if this does take place in past Europe then she probably wouldn’t have access to paint as it was really expensive and you had to take things like climate, temperature, and color into account to transporting and making it.

Location was really important, as paint in Northern Europe wouldn’t be compatible with the temperature of Southern Europe (because it would melt). And in Rapunzel’s case, if you’re putting it on a wall, then it would have to last a long time without melting or chipping away over time.  That is why old frescos (or Byzantine Wall Paintings) were chipped and rotted when they were rediscovered. Also, don’t even try to get blue, that color was crazy expensive lol.

Mother Gothel doesn’t appear to have the material wealth to afford it, otherwise she’d be able to afford way more and just import what she needs without leaving the tower. How could she afford all that paint? It was crazy expensive (unless you mixed it yourself). And that doesn’t even count the materials (brushes, color palettes, etc) needed to spread the paint across the entire tower. 

According to BBC’s Life in Colour: The Surprising History of Paint:

By the end of the 19th Century almost any colour could be purchased for a relatively low price.

Throughout the 1800s, traditional methods of producing colours declined as cheaper, reliable, standardised chemical methods replaced them. Most artists and their apprentices no longer mixed their own paints but bought them ready-made from professional “colourmen”.

So yeah, either Rapunzel would have to make them herself or she got Mother Gothel to buy it premixed for her (this is assuming that this takes place in 1840). The pigments she made would have most likely been toxic to handle. This was over a century before the creation of non toxic paint. And since she, you know, put them on the walls and most likely inhaled them---that’s just a recipe for disaster. 

Then again, it depends on whether or not she used oil based paint or water based paint. Oil based takes longer to dry than water based paint (6 hours!) and water based paint chips faster. 

Now for what I think many of you will go for when attempting to refute these points:

Tiana. 

Tiana’s story may take place in America with a more positive portrayal of the black community (though let’s be honest the whole thing with Vodoo being a force of evil is...ugh..) it still has some issues regarding condemning white people for their role in systemic racism and sexism. 

Tiana, a Black Woman’s Struggles in the Jim Crow South

“B-But Tiana wants a resturaunt!!1 It’s a simple wish for herself! Take that11!!!” 

Yeah, so? 

Do people actually think her story has nothing to do with misogynoir???it takes place in the Jim Crow South. 

Tiana faces systemic racism and is denied her dream based on her being black woman. Her entire character is centered around her connection to her heritage, her socioeconomic situation, and her culture. She may have married Naveen, but she had all the resources to buy her restaurant herself. Her liberation is her embracing her father’s words and living by them. 

And even with all this, because it takes place in America the story bends over backwards to make white characters who are totally not racist. Like Renegade Cut’s Analysis of “Late Stage Disney,” we have a system of violence and suppression being purposefully created for the benefit of white people being portrayed as a case by case problem rather than a systemic one.

They try to tell the audience that those who greatly benefit from this system (like Charlotte and her father) are good and only evil meanies take advantage of it. No...wtf?? I love this movie but Charlotte “I’m here to steal the spotlight cause I’m white” La Bouff is honestly the worst part. 

White princesses are white, and they don’t face systemic issues like systemic racism at all. They also just aren’t as involved in their culture because whiteness is so homogenized. They will never face that type of discrimination and the only way I can see them doing that is, well, talking about sexsm. 

Which they don’t seem to be interested in exploring.  

Final Thoughts

You’re probably wondering why I’m nit picking at so many of these white princesses. Well, a lot of fans argue that they are whitewashed because it’s “Historically Accurate (tm),” but these movies conveniently leave out the sexism that permeates white european royal politics. 

You could argue that white princess films are based on modern sensibilties and don’t want to go too deep into sexism. The Little Mermaid is more in tune with modern attitudes toward (white) women, and it’s a fantasy for them. 

But the thing about this is that the Disney Renaissance was a new age and if they wanted to talk about trials of gender discrimination, they did. They had no problems going into heavier subjects like this when they focused on Aladdin and Mulan. Hell, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin only came out within a year of one another, and the contrast between their portrayal of cultures and sexism is staggering. 

The only exception I can think of was the Hunchback of Notre Dame (which isn’t a princess movie, so it doesn’t really count in this discussion because marketing really changes the game). But we don’t see characters like Quasimodo being promoted on toys, backpacks, and merchandise in the same way like we do Anna, Elsa, and Rapunzel. Not to mention, the movie has it’s own problems, such as Esmarelda representing negative sexualized stereotypes of Rroma woman. 

While the Hunchback of Notre Dame has slightly more grace than it’s white disney princess counterparts, it still has problems that can effect the way that children view themselves and their cultures when through the lens of white people. 

Overall, the numbers of positive depictions of white europeans that omit historical sexism and violence in princess films far outweighs the ones that portray them more honestly. 

[pandemic-diet]

I hate shaving. It’s not a unique complaint to have - most women I have talked to about this topic detest the chore of somehow removing their natural fuzz from their bodies. I don’t enjoy contorting in the shower to reach the back of my legs, I don’t like the stinging sensation of water entering a small nick from the razor, and I don’t like the waste of precious time I could be doing literally anything else. Although, I do have to admit, freshly shaven legs under clean top sheets is a delicious sensation - but not one worth the rest of the work. I truly don’t mind most body hair. If my body wants to regress to the classic neandranthal state of hairiness, that’s fine with me. 

Like everyone else during the winter, I put aside a razor for several months and cross that maintance ritual off my list but the question ‘to shave or not to shave’ dances around my mind when the weather begins warming up. Spring has necessitated the exchange of sweatpants to shorts for my daily outings to the cluster of small shops across from my apartment complex. I put on my cloth face mask, earphones, and began a slow pleasant trek to the donut shop to get some kolaches for my partner and I. Then a car passed me slowly and the familiar creep of shame edged around my throat. 

 I didn’t actually notice my own body hair until a boy in 6th grade gym decided to tell me that it was disgusting. I don’t remember being embarrassed or even upset, because I was confused as to what the issue actually was. Another kid chimed in and said I should just talk to my mom about shaving. I stared at the short black hairs on my legs with a new perspective quickly being tinted with shame, beginning to see another flaw on my body to obsess and hate. I went home and tried to convince my mom I was ready to be entrusted with blades sharp enough to cut my skin, which was the results of 2 hours in a bath that weekend. Whenever I had finished slicing hair off my small legs, I felt like I really achieved something. This was the beginning of my transformation into someone my peers would be too impressed with to make fun of anymore. 

Which of course, was not the case.  Two years later, I was in 8th grade and we moved to a different town. I was in band class and was 2nd chair, knocking Andrea Cortez down to 3rd chair and away from Keith Kotal, who I believed she secretly had a crush on despite constantly denying it. I was a little lazy with shaving after 2 years of discovering it and allowed some stubble to remain unbothered on my leg that was noticeable in my fashionable capri pants, and fucking Andrea Cortez and the girl next to her made fun of me throughout the duration of band class. I tried to ignore them. I rolled my eyes at her defiantly and stared straight ahead, making notes on the music, but I still remember how hot my face felt with the slow burn of fear washing away all the excitement I previously had about starting over at a school. 

My senior year in high school, a friend who had a loud voice embarrassed me outside the hallway by saying “Lot’s of women have mustaches, it’s perfectly normal”. And while, yes, it was true and he was just trying to be supportive, we were both already the losers in our AP Economics class who were generally ignored and discounted by our classmates unless Eric Limbocker grew bored of torturing the teacher set his sights to subtly undermine the confidence and comfort of one of the kids lower on the totem pole, which, a few times, was me. I had still been clinging on to hope that I’d be welcomed into the outskirts of the cool smart kid crowd if I could prove something, anything, and calling attention to the small wisps of inferiority on my face were not going to win me any points. I remember walking away after he said that, fleeing to the band hall instead of going back to the classroom with the rest of the class before being dismissed.   But now, in 2020, when people are literally dying from a modern plague, I have flashes of a confusing mix of self hatred, fear, and anger whenever I leave the house in shorts with unshaved legs or sleeveless shirts. I’ll be turning 30 this year, literally a whole god damn adult, and I am uncomfortable if someone on the walking path behind the house gets too close to me because they might see my legs and say something. Or snigger to someone with them.  The disgust that Julia Roberts, one of the most beautiful women in the world, garnered from having a little bit of armpit hair on the red carpet in 1999 is all the proof one would need to know that people are not only comfortable expressing their views about what individual women should look like at any point in time, but that if she doesn’t comply, that she deserves to be humiliated back into submission. Honestly, the fear of these kinds of attacks on my worthiness is the number one reason I continue to endure the annoyances of shaving, putting on make up, or worrying about what is considered office appropriate - because I don’t want to feel like the child being bullied in school. And the conflict between wanting to be my own person who will do what I want to do with middle fingers flying in the air and wanting to be the person who perfectly complies to certain societal norms is too much to bare sometimes. 

Is now the perfect time to begin dismantling these ideas I have in my head? I’m not quarantined - I still go to work everyday and try to social distance and just stay away from everyone as much as I can - but during the Slow Down, people across the world who have the luxury of thinking about what influences they let control their lives. While today these particular childhood insecurities flared up in my mind while living my sheltered day to day life, there are other hang ups and thought patterns that I want to start examining. 

Who decides what the rules are? Who enforces them? Why do I care about being the kind of person who follows them? What are the gains? What are the loses? How do I become brave enough to make up rules for myself?

I’m hoping to be able to find the answers and soon. If I am to survive this stupid fucking virus and continue living in a country run by fucking idiots, I want to live my life the way I want to. Whether I’m thinking about career, finances, or wearing cute dress with hairy legs, I should be the one in control of what little control I actually have of my life.  So, tomorrow, I’ll wear the fucking shorts. 

[archiefm]

         ... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...

DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )

shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....

finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long  so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve

grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa

very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism. 

if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn

he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.

from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog). 

his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.

his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess

hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway

as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right 

his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way

had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.

he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.

during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.

he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.

he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.

u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone

not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.

takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.

 in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life

works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee

lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond

fan of karl marx. v big on socialism

insomniac with chronic nosebleeds

cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter

always confused or annoyed

statistics

basic information

full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.

physical

colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.

psychological

dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.

skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.

likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.

dislikes:  the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)

full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)

tw homophobia

born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.

his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.

when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.

by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.

after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily. 

of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.

        if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas

study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet

ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea

friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots

ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up

does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is! 

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

Tip of the Iceberg

Did this for the Arkham Garlley Zine which is free to download here

or check them out at @arkhamgalleryzine 

Oswald is preparing for a bi-annual auction at the iceberg lounge and is inconvenienced by the thrills and spills that gotham has to offer and is own mind. For a man who has control over everything, he has more under the surface. 

By H.T.Vitols

Gotham is rather unique, in that most places with rotting infrastructure and corrupted governments don’t tend to lean so hard into that aesthetic, usually places like that tend to keep up a facade as to hide its own putrefaction, in a half-hearted attempt to delude anyone who comes across them that there are civilized. Gotham has never hidden how ugly it is, to a point that its almost beautiful in an ostentatious sort of way. Not to say that there is nothing alluring about Gotham, quite the opposite. Gotham has a way of claiming the hearts of many, sometimes literally, but the lost and forgotten can always find a home in Gotham, their still lost and forgotten but so is the city itself.          

The Iceberg Lounge was the closest thing to elegant that Gotham had to offer. The outside was, and forgive the prosaism, Gothic. The doors where lined with white heavy steel and where shaped like umbrellas, if umbrellas were sharp, metallic and had an ominous amount of cleaning done. The doors themselves were wooden, polished and painted indigo blue. The doors were about 4 feet wide and were as strong as enforced steel which coincidentally was inside it, you could drive a car into it, and you would need a new car and a paint job for the door. The top of the door frame which was about 6 to 8 feet upward had a blue and white neon sign that spelled out the name of the club and blue lights that moved around the top of the roof, signalling, daring anyone to enter making an announcement to the police, the city and the Batman, I’m right here come and get me, if you can.

The inside of the lounge was far larger than the outside could have prepared anyone for, the ceilings were high, the main floor was laid out like a ballroom, with blue, purple and white lights slowly dancing across the floor as if they were patrolling lights, that most if not all the patrons were far to used to. The centre of the main room had as the name of the club suggests an Iceberg, it was a rather fitting piece of  décor and not just because of the predilection, but also what could be a more apt metaphor for the men and women who dwell here, then a clandestine place that has a chilling and unstable piece at its core and the magnitude of how vacillating it truly is, is hidden under the surface.

There were purple curtains that lined all the walls of The Iceberg Lounge, what was behind them was anyone’s guess, a room, a door, an alarm, a wall, a way out, a way in, who’s to say. The Iceberg Lounge is home to many in Gotham, the bad, the slimy and the straight up crazy. It is a place to go and to hide, from whatever animal themed hero is on your ass that week. The Lounge is a strong hold and a neutral ground to any who enters.

No fights, No guns, No deaths.

These rules were enforced to the highest measure, not out of any moral obligation but simply to make things easier for business, after all, people are more willing to meet and make deals with you if they know within a reasonable assumption they are not going to be shot. This peace of mind comes with a small price though, any deal made in the lounge has a fee to go with it.

Negotiations: $100 (per person)

Trade-offs: $200

Drug deals: $400

Gun sales (unloaded): $1000 (per every 10)

If you were caught trying to make a deal in the Lounge without permission, well let’s just say no one ever does it twice. This level of meticulous control was possible due to the work and obsessions of one Oswald Cobblepot. The man thought rather highly of himself, more so then he should, which is easy to do when you are barely above most door handles and wider than some doorframes. Not to say he did not have class or rather his own definition of class, hand tailored suits all with tails, the most beautiful fabrics and of course a shining monocle that never left his face. And today Oswald donned an indigo blue jacket that had black fathers around his neck so today he looked more vulture then penguin. And in a place where a man with a rodent facade is more productive and less corruptible then the police department and the mayor’s office combined, being larger than life is not only common but a necessity. Oswald had many enemies, in fact if you weren't his enemy, he was less likely to trust you. Having enemies was more repute then having friends as he liked knowing what people wanted from him, it was easier to control the situation and easier to turn the situation in whatever suited him best.

Today, much like many other days, Oswald was in his office at his desk with a small glass of fine port wine at his side. Unlike many other days, he has not allowed anyone to disturb him (other than for an unexpected rodent infiltration). He wrote with a quill tip pen; the pen was white with a black line that matched up with a black swan feather that was connected by a small metal penguin pendent. He did not write with this pen often, as it was as impractical as it was beautiful. He only ever used this pen for one reason. 

To my dearest, Penelope.

I write to you in good health, my dear I have been having a quite the week, however, I will not plague you with the details as I fear your heart or indeed your stomach may not be able to take them. However, my dear, what I can tell you is that today is a big night for the Lounge, for it is the Biannual Bat Bunker party. I do not believe I have told you the full story behind this party and that will be a story for another letter, but simply my dear, some years ago there was an incident, that lead to certain events, that lead to a great number of my associates to take refuge in my lounge, and since then it has become so what of a tradition for a rather long party to take place here twice a year.

The party is to be quite the sceptical and I do believe you would enjoy yourself, but I would not be much of a father if I allowed you to attend such a thing with the calibre of characters that indent to come. But any money is good money if you understand the price.  Speaking of, Edward Nygma will be stopping by at some point before the party, I have mentioned him to you before, and as much as he can annoy me I can’t help but enjoy our conversations, for it is one of the rare times that learned discord is actually of value, though I could do without more of his foible, idiosyncrasy's.

As Oswald wrote at his desk, the door opened silently and a man walked in and slowly made his way to the desk, the man than sat on Oswald's desk and crossed his legs like he was a femme fatale from a noir film. 

‘Oswald, how are you, you old bird, you.’

‘Edward, you better have a very good reason for disturbing me. Who let you in here?’

‘You’re working under the assumption that I would ask.’

‘Good point, but you also know my tolerances for your antics only goes so far.’

‘True, but since I’m still alive, safe to say I have not irritated you too much your lordship,’   

‘Sarcasm is beneath you Edward.’

‘To hell it is, it’s one of my best survival instincts and I’ll have you know Oswald, the only things beneath me are invalids, the wilfully ignorant and my silk sheets when I lie my weary head to bed for most earnest of rests.’  

‘Why don’t you put your vanity to bed for a moment Edward, and tell me, why exactly you have disturbed me.’  

Edward clapped his hands together, his leather gloves gathering as he did.

‘Well, Oswald, I have come baring gifts, for our little shindig tonight,’

Edward pulled out a note from his pocket. 

‘Here,’ 

‘What is this, Edward,’ 

‘A list of inventories, from all of our friends, the supplies and donations they will be making this evening.’

‘Well thank you Edward, but you could have had some else send this up to me.’

‘Oswald, I’m a praise whore and you know it.’

‘Yes, I’m aware of that, but that is no reason to interrupt me.’

‘Oh, come now, I came all the way out here to do you a favour and I’m treated with such hostility.’

‘Edward, my boy, you are very much aware that this is me, not being hostile, but if you would like to see it, then by all means, continue.’

Edward then slid off the desk and adjusted his jacket.

‘Very well, I will prepare myself for tonight's debauchery elsewhere.’

Edward went to the door.

‘Oswald,’

‘Yes, Edward.’

‘In all the years we’ve know one another, I have only seen you use that pen for one propose and yet I have never seen you read a letter in return,’

‘Your point, Edward.’ 

‘No point, just observation, I just don’t know why you still bother, if she’s never written back.’

‘Get… out… Edward.’

‘Alright, alright, I’m gone, give her my best.’

Oswald throws his glass of port at Edward as the door closed behind him, missing his head and shattering on the door. The wine dripped down the door slowly leaving a trail of red residue, like other red fluids that have dripped down this very door and will no doubt do again in the near future. Oswald leaned back into his chair and picked up his white and black pen.

Penelope dear, I sometimes envy that you have never meet any of my associates, Edward is one of the most insufferable men I have ever meet, and I have discussed politics with the mayor of Gotham. Not to say I don’t respect the man, in fact Edward’s capacity to anger anyone he comes into contact with has never failed to impress me. But charm and showmanship can be mutually exclusive my dear, as I know all too well.

Are you happy where you are dear?

I have found I can be content, but I have also found happiness is not on the cards for me without you here, Penelope.

In any case, I have been keeping myself busy. The list Edward handed me some moments ago will help with tonight’s proceedings, you see dear, the list is inventory being put up for auction. Now you must be wondering why this is of any importance, after all you are a clever girl and the Lounge has an auction monthly. This auction is a special one, you see unlike the usual fanfare that comes through here. This list has items that are more exclusive and the most sorted after then any other in the city, such as some of Doctor Cranes Fear Toxin, a rather deadly pair of hydrangea’s curtesy of Doctor Isley and Edward has donated one of his masterplans that contain everything from blueprints of the job, to the riddles to leave.

Now my shrewd child, you must be asking why we are doing this, the answer is the reason any of us do anything in Gotham, entertainment, profit, and to cause chaotic shenanigans , but most importantly nothing brings us all together more than trying to one up the Bat and his Birds. You see my dear, these items are sold at these times as to have a level of mutually assured destruction. You see, by having these items you can set someone up at your own discretion, I for one like to know the cards others are holding.  But it is mostly used to throw The Batman off the trail. The Batman won’t investigate my shipping lists if fear toxin is in the air.  

Truly mad, is it not.

Oswald continued to write as there was a knock on his door.

‘What.’

A man slowly moved his head into the room leaving the rest of his body outside. He was trying his hardest not to look at red liquid that is at his feet, as he wanted to maintain some level of ignorance in his line of work.

‘Mr Cobblepot.’

The man paused and waited; Oswald tapped his pen down hard on the table making the man in the frame flinch.

‘Yes, well, spit it out lad, I don’t have all day.’

The man’s voice jumped as he found the words.

‘Mr Wayne is here, sir.’

Oswald slowly put down his pen, he lifted himself out of his chair and moved behind it to push it into desk. Mr Wayne did not often frequent the Lounge but when he did it was a sign of fortune if it was good or bad was up to Mr Wayne’s mood, but what can you expect from a man who could buy up all the city if the whim ever hit him. Mr Wayne and his horde of children were almost as annoying as the Batman and his Birds. Oswald made his way downstairs to the main floor where Mr Wayne was leaning on the bar talking to one of the female bartenders.

‘Mr Wayne, to what to I owe the pleasure.’

‘Cobblepot, I have come to see you about tonight’s auction.’

‘Mr Wayne, I fear the guest list is full for this evening.’

‘I’m sure you can make an exception.’

‘Now, Mr Wayne, I am sure that you are used to that being the case, but I am afraid I am going to have to use an unfamiliar phrase to you, No.’

‘Well now I have to be there. Is there anything I can do to change your mind?’

‘I assure you, there is nothing you could say or do to change my mind, Mr Wayne.’

‘Nothing?’

‘Nothing, you would be willing to do, Mr Wayne.’

‘Such as?’

Oswald paused before slowly letting out a coy smile.

‘As amusing as your antics are Mr Wayne, I am going to have to ask you to leave, as I am preparing for tonight’s festivities. So, I bid you adieu and if you wish to join next month’s auction then you are most welcome, provided you make the proper arrangements.’

For the first time since the younger man came in, he dropped his smirk as though a mask had trickled away, but the man put it back as quickly as it went, making Oswald question if he saw anything at all.

‘Yes, of course, then I will be seeing you Cobblepot.’

‘Yes, a good evening to you Mr Wayne,’

Oswald waved three men over to them, 

‘Will you gentlemen escort Mr Wayne off the premises.’ 

As the two of men walked Mr Wayne out of the club, he held on of them back. 

‘Make sure he stays out, the last thing I need tonight is Gotham’s golden boy finding something he shouldn’t, I don’t want the hassle of killing him. The body disposal alone would be a logistical nightmare.’ 

Oswald then set the man after them, Oswald made his way to the centre of the room and put his hands on the railing to look at the icy mountain that floated in the frozen water. The lounge was being set up for the auction, people moving around him as quickly as possible, as Oswald stood still looking at the ice mountain that was swaying in the water. The ice was towering and the cold from it could be felt all throughout the lounge. Oswald looked harder at the chilling structure; he saw a small steady stream of water was trickling down the ice. Oswald’s mind floated elsewhere, think how something with such presences and intimidating high could be melting away slowly and unnoticed by all around it.

‘As much as I have always liked this glorified monument to your ego, it’s always come off a little more …. Subzero, then was intended don’t you think?’

Oswald jumped, snapping his head around, and snarled.

‘Edward, I swear. If you ever do that again I will throw you into the water and I will make sure everyone here watches you, as you’re drowning.’

Edward gently twirls the green drink in his hand and takes a light sip, he then leans his back on the railing and faces Oswald. Edward lingered on Oswald, his face void of any hostility, silently staring at Oswald waiting for a reply but Oswald just turns his head back to the ice in front of him, his hands gripping the railing tighter.

‘Rough day, Oswald.’

‘It’s going to be a long night.’

‘Oswald this is Gotham, every night is a long night.’

‘Edward, leave me be.’

‘Heavy is the head that wears the crown, are you looking upon your kingdom and weeping, old friend.’

Edward took a long slow sip of his drink.

‘Oh, how very apropos of you Edward, and what is it exactly that I have to weep about.’

‘Oh, who knows, Oswald, you have never once been satisfied with anything.’

‘Perhaps not.’

‘Oh, perhaps, perhaps, is that what you are going with, ok I’ll play, Oswald you have more money, territory and respect then you have ever had, and yet here you are gazing like Gatsby. So, riddle me this Oswald, a turn of phrase, to be sage and yet mindless, what is at its lowest when it’s on top, and how can less be learned and more be dim-witted?’

‘Edward, I don’t, I can’t, do this today, I have not the strength nor the temperament.’

‘My, my, Oswald, I dare say we are dangerously close to having a heart to heart.’

‘Please Edward, don’t insult me.’

‘Yes, your right, we would actually have to have hearts for that.’

‘My boy, you have no idea how badly I wish that to be true.’

‘Tut-tut, we can’t let the other degenerates know such unsightly things about us.’

‘Yes, I suppose it would be quite a blow to the reputation.’

‘Indeed.’

Edward took one last sip of his drink.

‘…Have you figured it out yet?’

‘Edward.’

‘Alright, fine I’ll drop it…. for now.’

Oswald loosened his grip on the railing and looked at Edward.

‘My boy, I believe there is still work to be done.’

‘Indeed.’ 

Night fell and crowds grew as the auction came closer. Item after item was moved into the lounge, the air was filled with cigarette smoke, gunpower and opportunity. The items were counted by a heavily motivated Mr Wesker as Mr Scarface watched him from a nearby shelf. The auction could now get under way, Oswald was by no means a showman that was one of Edward’s games, but he was at times diplomatically inclined. Oswald went to the stage and tapped the microphone.

‘Good evening, lady’s, gentlemen and twisted creations of the night,’

Oswald raised his glass gesturing to Killer Croc and Man-bat.

‘Right, now, we all know the rules, but for those of us who need to be reminded.’

He tuned his gaze to Harley Quinn, who was at the bar drinking three different cocktails through three curly straws all at once.

‘One item per customer, so choose wisely. You may inspect the product, but it cannot be opened in the Lounge. And most importantly this a silent auction, so do not go around boasting and giving away the tonight’s secrets, so in short keep your mouths shut.’

Oswald looked over to the side of the stage where Edward was standing. Edward then put his hand over his chest like a Victorian woman who just saw something unseelie.

‘Now ladies and gentlemen and others, to tie you over while the auction is underway, I give Edward Nygma,’

The crowd collectively groaned.

‘Now, now, I promise this is only his musical stylings.’

The crowd mumbled in agreement, as Edward walked on stage.

‘Oh, gee, thank you everyone, for that dazzling display of comradery.’

‘Sing, Nygma or get off.’

Growled Harvey,  

‘Wooo, Eddie. Take it off.’

Harley cheered.

‘Give 'em the hook.’

Yelled Crane.

‘I am going to ignore that Johnathan. Now without further ado, Duke Ellington’s It don't mean a thing hit it boys.’

The band started to play. The patrons started to put their names in for items, Harvey pulled himself from one side of the room to the other, well it seems Harvey and Harv were having a disagreement on what to buy as his ashy left hand kept slapping is right whenever he tried to write anything down though oddly enough there was no coin in sight. Jonathan was sitting off to the side letting his slender frame trail up the wall, his head down letting his glasses slide down his nose. As laughter and small talk flooded the room. A loud crash came from the roof, when the Batman comes knocking it’s never on the door.  

Now what is that old saying about glass ceilings.

            The Batman comes bursting through the roof, the patrons scattered to the wind like glass being through onto the concrete. The Batman grabbed Jervis by the back of his collar and Edward was still on the stage.

           ‘Well now, we have a Bat in our belfry.’

           As Batman pushed Two-Face down, still holding on to Jervis, Two-Face pushed Batman onto the bar counter.  

           ‘Oh, you who Bat’s.’

           Harley had grabbed poured alcohol all over the bar and lit it on fire.

           ‘Oh, and it is getting a little hot in here for the dark knight.’

           Edward said calling into the microphone. A glass bottle flow in his direction and he ducked to avoid it.

           ‘Shut up, Ed.’

           ‘Make me Crane.’

           ‘Fine.’

           Jonathan yelled as he throws another glass. Oswald then runs on stage pulling the microphone out of Edwards hands.

           ‘Enough! All of you, Enough.’

           The room settled under Oswald’s voice, Batman still holding onto Jarvis.

           ‘Now, I dare say Batman, that you have made it abundantly clear, that you want something or rather someone form here this evening. Yes?’

           The room was silent, flames still burning on the counter dancing on top of the alcohol.

           ‘Yes. Now, why don’t you take Mr Tetch and leave post haste, before I change my mind and burn this place down along with everyone in it, myself!’

           The last words died in is throat from the screaming. Batman looked around the room he took a moment and then silently started dragged Jervis by the scruff of his neck, taking him out of the club as Jervis begged and pleaded to everyone in the room as he was struggling but all of them were still looking at Oswald on stage none of them moving.

Oswald then screamed at the room again.

‘Get out! Auction over, out now, all of you, out. Be gone, go back to whatever place has the misfortune of having you as a resident.’

Not ones to out their welcome, the room began to clear. Oswald headed back to his office, he shut the blinds and sat in darkness, he pulled out his pen once again.  

Well my dear, today had just about everything, thrills, spills and arson. Not that I am ever sure what these nights will ever bring. I am only ever sure of what that they will never bring, and that is you, Penelope.

I have done monstrous things my dear, I have robbed, killed and betrayed many men. I have seen vigilantes rise and the old ways of Gotham fall. I have built all that I am on the bones and ashes of other men and yet the only regret I have is and always will be that I never got to see you grow. That for all my transgressions and all the immoral measures I have taken in my life, the blood that was spilled for all of it, was yours. Even though I have buried the ones who are responsible and entombed them so deep into the earth that their own souls can’t find a way out.

But the emptiness I feel by your absents is one I can not fill, no matter how much luxury, power or control I obtain.

Truly, Penelope, my love, my sweet Penny, there is only one thing that could appease that void and that would be for me to hold you in my arms again and to tell you that,

           The door swung open.

           ‘Well that was a disaster.’

           ‘Get out, Edward’

           ‘It’s a big mess out there, and you through a fit on that stage, mind you that’s not unordinary behaviour for you or any of us. But there seemed to be a little more to it this time as compared to your usual screaming fits of rage.’

           ‘Edward, I swear, if you don’t leave right now, I’ll.’

           ‘Kill me? Please Oswald, empty threats are unbecoming.’

           Oswald the reached into his coat and pulled out a gun.

           ‘Are you sure about that.’

           Edward flicked up his hands with a light flourish and spoke dryly.

           ‘Oh, no, I have been bamboozled, please sir, leave me with my shillings and silk robes.’

           Oswald cocked the gun back.  

           ‘Edward, out, now.’

           Edward leered at Oswald with his hands lowering to his sides.

           ‘You really mean it this time don’t you.’    

           Edward said steadily.

           ‘What gave it away, dear boy.’

           ‘Oswald whatever is happening, you need to keep a level head, lest it be chopped off.’

           ‘Edward, I am going to tell you one, last, time, get, out.’

           ‘Oswald,’

           Oswald’s hand was starting to shake rattling the gun. Edward then slowly moved to go out the door and looked out to club’s centre piece.

           ‘Our love for the dead, like a floating iceberg, can only be measured by the depths of our resentments.’

           ‘Rosario Ferre.’

           ‘Rosario Ferre. Just something to think about, Good night Oswald.’

           When Edward closed the door, Oswald still held the gun in his shaking hands. After a few shuddered minutes Oswald placed on the table. He picked up the pen once again.

Penny, my dear child, you were taken from me to soon, you shined so brightly you could block out the sun. and even now after all these years I think of you always.

           And perhaps Edward has made a point, though he has done so in a way that made me want to shoot him. My love for you has fuelled my fury, my culpability and solidified my wrath over these long years without you. So even in death you are my hidden strength. Sleep well my child and know that I have not forgotten you. For you are forever a part of me and  as long as I am etched  into the walls of this city, where my name is held in respect and the city’s life blood flows through me, you will live in its bones with me,

until my bones rest next to yours.

Happy Birthday my dear, With all my love,

Your father.

Oswald then put the letter in an envelope and signed it, he then closed it and went into the ballroom, it was empty, a mess, and small ambers still danced on the bar counter. Oswald made his way slowly to the iceberg, he moved around the ice mountain until he reached a platform that lead out and was attached to the iceberg, Oswald walked onto the platform until his noise felt the frost from the monument. Oswald then placed his hands on the ice, moving down to a small block that had been carved out and he removed it and then he put the block at his feet, the hole in front to him was no bigger then a sheet of paper. Oswald then held the letter in his hands. Moments stretched out into hours in Oswald’s mind, he then reached out and put the letter into the hole, it landed onto a pile of older frozen, frosted over and twisted together letters. The frozen graveyard has received another body. Oswald them puts the block back into place, he then adjusts his coat and walks off the platform.

For the morning is upon him and light is on its way, so it is time for Gotham to lay itself to rest. As everything worth doing in Gotham is done in the darkness and hidden below the surface.          

Oswald the put the letter in an envelope and signed it, he then closed it and went into the ballroom. Oswald then made his way slowly to the iceberg, he moved around the ice mountain until he reached a platform that lead out and was attached to the iceberg, Oswald walked onto the platform until his noise felt the frost from the monument. Oswald then placed his hands on the ice, moving it down to a small

 The end