I Get a Craving and I Wake Up For You
6/?
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AO3 LINK.
Rowan belongs to @wonderful-bellies. Luke belongs to me.
(Medli wrote half of this chapter! We're going to be writing together from now on!)
Rowan sits alone.
Rowan doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He can’t let people get close to him, because he’s just going to hurt them. He tries to push his roommate, Luke, away, and things just get worse. He’d hurt Luke. Does he even care? He doesn’t want to hurt Luke, but he ended up hurting him anyway. He knew that the moment he thought of eating Luke more than once that things would go down hill, and they did.
Oliver called him an asshole. Luke started panicking and shrunk down, unresponsive. Oliver made it sound like he was the cause of that, and he was right. It was ROWAN who cut Luke off and got in his face. ROWAN, who yelled at him and told him he wasn’t interested. He had to lie. Of COURSE he did. If he didn’t, Luke was going to end up just like…
The predator groans, slapping his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it.
His predator urges were always so easy to control. They never were so bad. Rowan used to be able to go weeks to a month without needing to bribe someone to be eaten and stay in his stomach for an hour or two. They would never see each other again.
Rowan lays down flat in his bed, keeping his hands covering his face. He feels so horrible. Like a massive dumbbell is compressing his chest. If he had one with him now, he’d definitely lay it on his chest. The feeling within his chest overwhelmed him. It felt like a heavy, black tar that pumps itself from his heart and into his veins.
He hates this feeling.
“What did I do wrong?” He asks himself.
A lot, clearly.
“For Luke’s sake, you’d best think of an apology. You were being an asshole, and I can’t believe you can’t see how hard he’s trying to make this work with you. The way I see it, you don’t deserve it.”
If pushing people away made him an asshole, maybe being an asshole is okay.
( No, you idiot! Oliver essentially told you that you triggered him and forced him to shrink like that. That was YOUR fault, and he felt it necessary to use sarcasm. )
But what if he hurts Luke by being open with his predator bullshit?
He doesn’t even know how he was being an asshole in the first place. He was trying to protect Luke from Rowan himself. How is that an asshole thing to do?
Could he have been nicer in tone about it? Maybe his yelling is what forced Luke to shift tiny. It triggered something that Luke felt he needed to hide, right? It was something that Luke was hiding from Rowan, just like Rowan tried to hide the fact he’s a predator from Luke.
Oliver said that Luke never tells anyone what he goes through. It’s the same thing as himself, isn’t it? God, it’s like his hunger forcing fugues, isn’t it? His stress forced his body to change size. Stress that he caused. The fact that the predator was responsible for that…
Rowan, for all his faults, tries so hard to keep himself from hurting people. He was told that the fact he needed to eat people was something to be ashamed of. It would hurt other people. Instead, he hurt Luke just by… well, being himself. Not by being a predator.
Why does the thought of this bring such agony to the man? Why does his stomach churn uncomfortably at the thought? Why does Rowan feel nauseous?
He may as well dig a pit for himself and fall into it. Disappear and never return. He’d already fucked up this roommate situation. Luke’s going to get rid of him. Oliver will tell him to kick Rowan out, and it’ll be what Rowan deserves. He doesn’t deserve anything nice.
He should starve himself.
No, No, wait… No he shouldn't. He shouldn’t, because the last time he didn’t feed himself around Luke, he nearly fell into a fugue, and the second time he did fall into a fugue.
What was he supposed to do, then?
Hide the monster, never let anyone get too close and risk seeing that side of him. It was his one rule, his biggest most important rule. It was the first lesson he’d learned as a predator. He is dangerous, he is deserving of punishment in the face of his voracious instincts. The lesson was drilled into his head; a flashing neon sign. Always reminding him in his subconscious that he was a monster and always would be.
So why… Why did it always seem to go so wrong? Hiding this side of him was supposed to keep himself and others safe. Being distant was a necessity, yet the pattern was becoming clear to him. He’d lash out, and others would get hurt. The worst part of it all was one simple fact that pushed its way to the forefront of his mind as he sat alone in the all too quiet apartment.
It was because of him.
Him. Not the predator. The predator came through and caused its own problems, of course, but what happened today? What kept happening for years? It was always simply because of him. Not the hunger, nor the fugues.
Rowan clenched his fingers hard into his palms as nails sank into his flesh, nearly drawing blood. The revelation pounding in his mind and repeating itself over and over. A chorus of voices, vitriolic and unrelenting.
Rowan was not only a ravenous freak, he was simply a terrible person, as well.And he did not know what to do.
He felt stuck. He felt dirty. A virus that planted itself in one location to wreak havoc upon its environment until it fell apart around him and then moved on to the next. Starvation was not an option, as it would bring out the monster. Isolation was what got him into this situation in the first place. So what could he possibly do?
He wishes he could just cease to exist. Erase himself from history entirely. Wipe the slate clean of his presence and avoid so much unnecessary hurt brought upon so many people. His family, his friends, his…
The predator scowls as he feels hot tears trail down his face. He had no right to cry. Oliver was right, this was all because of him. Rowan was dragging down Luke with him. It wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be here wallowing in his own miserable thoughts. He hurt another person, and the thought of running away and ignoring it again was unbearable. The shifter would be back. After Oliver fixed the mess he created, Luke would inevitably come back. Whether it was to gather his things and leave or continue living with his asshole of a roommate, Rowan wasn’t sure, but he would see the brunette again eventually.
He needed to be prepared for it. He has no idea what he’s going to do, but he needs to do something.
Fuck, Rowan, get yourself together and fucking figure it out!
The predator slaps his face and clears his throat a couple times. He had to do something. The lump in his throat wasn’t getting any smaller by sitting like this.
Thinking of a way to say sorry and truly mean it would be a good place to start.
Thinking of a way to avoid closing himself off and making the same mistake twice would be a perfect place to start.
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Post!Cure!Otto is working on something, and definitely hasn’t taken a break to eat a proper meal.
An actuator comes over and nudges you and oh so carefully scoops you up and brings you over to him.
Otto is so genuinely panicked, he avoids using his actuators with people because of how viciously he used them during his supervillain days.
He’s just so upset, because he didn’t consciously do that and he didn’t mean to snatch you up! He doesn’t want to scare you!
And his prey is just like. Doc, it’s literally fine. I’m not scared, and they did were very polite. Just relax and eat me.
HADFHFJDMCMF YEAH HE'S JUST. SO NERVOUS.
Like "wait fuck I didn't mean to do that I'm so sorry" while his prey is completely unbothered by it and just hugs one of the claws holding them up. And he melts.
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Is it bad that I ship Lynette and Alexander? I mean, I just, the thing of protective pred gets me a lot and.
Aaaah, that is not really the relationship here or? I’m sorry, I usually read over lines ( ̄  ̄|||)
DON'T YOU EVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT YOU LIKE! xD You are fine. And it's not bad that you ship them. lol. You are free to ship whoever you enjoy together. I'm glad you've taken an interest enough to want to ship characters!
Whether or not something will blossom in Widfali is to be shown later.~ And glad to hear another person likes Alexander. xD
THANK YOU FOR THIS. I think it's avoreable (@twistedmeru for this word) and funny! YOU BETTER HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY TOO, BUCKAROO!!!
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