#based on his conversation with keefe

[weaponizedducks]

he really fucked up every single one of his kids and then decided why stop at that let's traumatise all the children

[castleofravens]

im not anti alden or pro alden but a secret third thing

he literally just needs therapy he’s not a villain but his intentions (which i am going to assume are good based on what we know of him) don’t feel like they… translate? based on how his kids ended up that one conversation with keefe etc.

and that’s also like… i personally headcanon him as not white because i am latina and my mother is like that (to a slightly more severe degree) (and im not saying like.. all immigrant/latine/brown parents are like that but it’s just.. projection i guess? and like… generational trauma is wild…)

but anyways yeah he’s that parent who was raised a certain way or had rough experiences and then projects that on their kids, sort of like… to protect them they end up pushing them (in terms of sports or school or hobbies or being self sufficient) and inadvertently they give their own kids issues and i don’t know if im explaining this very well but yeah i think the vackers are the embodiment of generational trauma

but he also loves his kids! it comes from a place of care and while it’s not the healthiest at times or very good for them, he’s still trying, he’s doing his best with what he has and what he was taught so yeah he’s not a monster or anything (i have the same perspective with baghra from the grishaverse)

[cogaytes]

The Song Twins & Keepblr Characterization

@arson-anarchy-death @camelspit Sorry for my lateness!

Avi Cogaytes Professor Spit Roisin's Reading Rumble #3 16 July 2023

The Song twins are fan-favorite characters in the online fandom for Keeper of the Lost Cities, a middle grade fantasy book series by Shannon Messenger, present in roughly 30% of fanfictions posted on Archive of Our Own and popular on blogging website Tumblr. However, their characters are often misinterpreted by the fandom due to a combination of racial stereotypes and sometimes a lack of nuance. Despite the popularity of certain portrayals of the Song twins, several popular ways of seeing them actually have little to not basis in canon.

In Keepblr, Tam is often seen as "emo" and someone who represses his true feelings. Multiple posts have described him as "bottling up" his emotions. However, Tam is explicitly angry from the very first time we see him on the page (not counting the shadow-whispering). All of the words used to describe him and his speech are harsh: "demanded," "spat," "defiant stare." Clearly, he isn't trying to repress or bottle up this anger, since it influences how he speaks and interacts with the others. He also visibly expresses his emotions several times during that conversation; he "blinked several times" and his "jaw fell open" when Mr. Forkle offered them a place to stay, in addition to blushing when Keefe brings up the Foster Fan Club (Neverseen). From very early on in his introduction, it becomes clear that he is not actually trying to hide his feelings, and in fact his reactions are often easy for Sophie to pick up on. When Keefe is revealed to be a traitor, Tam "wiped tears from his silvery eyes" (Neverseen); he is clearly unafraid to display emotions and not repressed the way the fandom seems to see him. This also relates to him being seen as "emo"; people described as emo tend to hide their emotions and act more stoic. He's been labeled as a "dramatic emo" in one post, and is called that often by other posts in general. In canon, however, he's sensitive and expressive, a good friend who comforts Keefe after he leaves by reminding him that he isn't worthless (Nightfall), and does not try to hide his emotions or reactions in his facial expressions. This is not the other extrapolation about Tam often taken from canon.

Another popular headcanon of Tam is that he is queer and/or transmasculine. There are numerous posts dedicated to this headcanon, one in particular saying that Tam "[screams] gay" and the poster "can't see [him] liking women." They say that Tam having a crush on Keefe is "basically canon at this point," when there is actually zero canonical basis for this; other than banter they have no romantic subtext at all. He is also not shown to have any bodily dysmorphia or discomfort with masculinity or femininity that might hint to a transgender identity. Neither of these headcanons have basis in the text, no matter how popular they are. Rather than canon, these headcanons are likely based in racial stereotypes; elaboration about how this opinion may have come about can be found here. Tam's twin also undergoes similar fandom treatment, where she is portrayed as soft and sweet (as Asian women often are) rather than dimensional the way she is in canon.

Linh is seen as "fluffy" and has no backbone. In fanon, she's described as: "a push over," so sweet she's "a toothache of diabetes," "feminine and small and controllable," "quiet and reserved" "compassionate," a "smile through the trauma character." But in canon, she's not afraid to make waves or be defiant; she destroys Ravagog in a flood (Neverseen) and considers herself grateful for the power that allowed her to do that (Lodestar), showing her autonomy. She's defiant to her parents, telling them "Respect has to be earned" (Lodestar) and turning her back on them. She argues with her brother instead of burying her feelings of discomfort with his behavior (Stellarlune). She's willing to share about her vulnerabilities as well, telling Sophie "I've often wondered if I have more power than I should" (Lodestar). All of this in canon gives her significantly more dimension than the fluffy, stoic character she's described as in fanon.

As stated before, these portrayals are likely due to typecasting rather than actual canon. Asian men are often seen as more feminine and therefore queer or trans; they are usually stereotyped as either very "soft" or repressed about their emotions. This stereotype may have contributed to how widespread this opinion became despite the way Tam clearly emotes in canon. Asian women are also viewed as sweet, sensitive, and uncomplicated in media, while bottling up their emotions for others' convenience; unlike that stereotype, Linh has autonomy and is willing to both express herself and be defiant. Despite this, however, portrayals like the ones cited above remain unfortunately common. Members of Keepblr, therefore, should examine their perceptions of the Song twins to ensure that their headcanons have a canonical, rather than stereotypical basis.

[alaydabug2]

Inspired by @dancing-phantoms-on-the-terrace (idk if I spelled that right 😭)

Again based off a theory for Keefe in the Forbidden Cities

(Dane pov)

There was a knock on the door to the hotel room. Dane groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

His door cracked open. It was Keefe. He rubbed his eyes and mumbled, "I'm getting it."

He closed the door back. Dane tried to go back to sleep, until he heard the sound of several voices.

Sleep was a lost cause now. Might as well be nosey.

When he got up, he trudged to the doorway that separated the hallway of bedrooms to the main living space. He pressed his ear against the door.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a tuff of black hair walking out of the bathroom.

"Luke," he said to get his attention. "Come here. There's people here, and I want to be nosey."

Luke padded over and asked, "Who's here?"

Dane shrugged. "I don't know. I think they're here for Keefe. He hasn't come to get us yet, so I don't know."

"It's not those neversaw people, is it?" Luke said while crouching by the door.

"Nah, I'm sure we would've heard yelling." He strained his ears to hear something. He gasped and shushed Luke.

"There's a freaky shadow tracker ripple thing in my heart!" Keefe shouted from the other room.

"Umm, is that a normal thing for elves?" He whispered.

Luke shot him a look. "I know as much about this stuff as you do."

"Well, sorry," Dane grumbled. "You're the one who plays D&D."

"I thought he already said those wearn't what elves were actually like."

He rolled his eyes.

After listening to the conversation for a little longer, they heard a loud grunt. Then, there was a lot of confused murmuring.

Luke snorted. "How much you wanna bet that's the girl he simps over."

"Well, duh, it is," Dane groaned. "He keeps calling her Foster."

"Uh oh," Luke mumbled after a few more minutes. "He's being moody again."

"I know. He likes to say how that Tam dude is emo, but I've heard his music taste. He was blasting it from his room while you were getting groceries yesterday."

"Wait." Luke pondered for a minute. "Isn't he out there now."

"Maybe." Dane listened to the conversation a little longer. "Ok, I think who's there is Sophie, Tam, and... Desk?" He tilted his head.

Luke shoved him. "Dex, you dimwitt."

"Get off of me," he grumbled and pushed him away.

"How much of this that they're talking about is normal elf weirdness or just plain weirdness," Dane thought aloud.

"It's about fifty/fifty," Luke murmured.

Through the door, Keefe said, "I'm getting my stuff. I'm coming home."

Dane and Luke scrambled away just in time before the door swung open. Keefe flinched back when he realized they were eavesdropping.

"Dude, where are you going?" Luke asked.

Keefe looked out the window at the pouring rain. "There's... a lot going on back home. I need to be there for it all. I don't know if I'm coming back, but thank you. For everything." He looked around. "I need to get my stuff."

He came back out in a hoodie with his duffle bag. He ran a hand through his hair. "Bye guys."

"Take care," Dane told. "I'd say keep in touch, but..."

Keefe looked down. "I'll try. If... if things go the way they should, we might be able to reconnect again someday. But in the meantime... I have to go. A few of my friends are here, and we're on a time crunch, apparently."

"Alright." Luke gave him a salute. "Go save the world, or whatever you do. And if we do meet again, set me up with a cute chick."

Keefe snorted. "I'll keep that in mind. There's some leftover cash in my bottom drawer. Keep it. And I'll see you later."

With that, he stepped out the door. Dane was able to catch a glimpse of his friends. By their faces, he knew they'd take good care of him. He just hoped he made smarter decisions from now on.

[bookwyrminspiration]

wait wait what the fuck. shannon set up the "immortality ALWAYS comes with a cost" thing with fallon's faulty memory + bronte's needing to keep himself involved so he doesn't lose himself + fintan and vesperas' instability and then just Did Not Talk About It.

Like what about how all of their individual falling aparts come from their abilities? Fallon is a telepath (I'm not bothering to fact check that correct me if I'm wrong) and his mind is wandering, his memory is faulty, he can't stay in the moment. Bronte loses control of himself, he's become cold and stubborn, he has to ball his negative emotions up in his chest to keep from feeling too much. Fintan is unstable like a fire, an infection, he needs to consume everything in his path and maybe or maybe not let something new grow from the ashes; fire is vengeful. vespera has gone numb and that's what happens when you feel too many emotions for too long! you lose yourself!

that's a symptom of being an ancient!! you lose yourself!!

exploring this as a parallel to fitz, sophie, marella, and keefe is interesting as well because you're seeing all these ancients fall apart and it's because of their ability. Keefe already is going numb. Marella can barely keep control. Sophie ties her emotions around themselves. Fitz loses his mind in his emotions. They know that this could happen to them. It will.

For some reason, it's never talked about how immortality (or indefinite life) is the perfect circumstance for a mind to break. Maybe elves don't die. maybe they're exiled because the weight of the years shattered them.

Oo and excellent observation and conversational topic. What really stands out to me about it is that's it's an inevitability. It's not you might lose yourself to your ability, it's not you might become unstable, it's not you might have to fight against it. It's that you live forever, so there is no escaping it. You live forever, so you will live long enough to experience the disconnect of a world moving on around you. You will live long enough that you will either have to fight to stay present--like Bronte--or distance yourself--like Fallon and other ancients. And if you chose to fight, then you will keep living, long enough that there will come a time you cannot continue to win. Perhaps you can stay in a stalemate for a while, but it will grow increasingly difficult and eventually will reach a point of no return.

And! It never ends! Elves live forever. Unless they die via unnatural means (fire, squashed, drowned, fell down the stairs bella swan style) they are going to just. Be experiencing that forever. There is no anticipated ending to losing themselves, they just continuously do so forever and ever. Some can hold on longer than others, are more present than others at the same point in time, but we're speaking in infinities! That dwarfs it all. Unless they finally discover a natural end to their lifespan, it's all practically inevitable.

But yeah, Shannon has not covered this. Likely because 1. it's horrifying, and 2. it's completely irrelevant to the battle's Sophie is facing. She has eternity in front of her, and eternity to come to terms with her lifespan. Right now she's got other things on her plate than contemplating how long she'll live and what she'll do with it and what'll happen to her. But also I think. It may have been unintentional on Shannon's part, to create such a consequence. Not that she's completely ignoring it, as she has separated the ancients from everyone else to an extent and characterized them differently. But the idea of losing yourself inevitably with time? Probably not what she meant, at least that's my assumption based on what she's intended with the rest of her world. However, maybe i'm wrong and not giving her enough credit! perhaps she knows about that, but just doesn't cover it because it doesn't fit the vibe of the series or her intended audience.

Who knows! Either way, it is a very interesting and also horrifying thought. Thanks for prompting it!

[synonymroll648]

Sokeefitz cuddling headcanons pretty please?

thank you, random citizen! or villain. or hero. or vigilante. or outcast. who knows ;) but anyway. apologies for taking a while to answer this one (i had a hectic week), but. hopefully the amount of headcanons i am giving you in return makes up for it. also got a liiiiiittle bit carried away and strayed from strictly cuddling headcanons, depending on who you ask. but it's primarily sokeefitz cuddles :))

they switch up positions all the time based on who needs comfort the most

sophie had a nightmare and woke up screaming in tears? her boys scoot her into the middle and murmur sweet nothings to her, her head resting on one of their chests and the other listening to her heart beat (didn't specify who does what because, again, they switch back and forth)

keefe had a rough conversation w/ his dad or thought about his mom a lil too hard? it's keefe sandwich time, and he's wedged between his partners and either told sweet things or silly things to get his mind off things, depending on what he needs that day. and if neither of those work, sophie pins him down so he can't escape fitz's tickle attacks

(keefe screams about cognates being annoyingly good at working together, sophie laughs and presses a kiss to his forehead to get him to melt and let his guard down so fitz can get one of the particularly ticklish spots keefe had practically been guarding w/ his life. keefe proceeds to scream about cognates being not just annoyingly good at working together, but also generally annoying as fuck. fitz sing-songs but you love us anyways, and keefe has no response to that)

fitz's toxic academic perfectionism is pushing him to overwork himself a little too much for even sophie's super desensitized comfort levels? keefe pries him away from his desk by baiting him with, hey, there's this recipe i saw, and it reminded me of you, but i have noooooo idea how to hash out the instructions. could you help me out? pretty please? and sophie hides his homework while he's out of the room so he can't get it back without asking her. and sometimes, while the three of them are waiting for things to cook, fitz finds himself with his hand entwined in sophie's and her head on his shoulder, and keefe sprawled out on their laps like a housecat. other times, fitz finds himself spread out on his back and with a partner resting in the crook of each (numb) arm at a late hour w/ a batch a baked goods sitting on a nightstand too far away to reach. a lot of the time, both of those scenarios happen the same night

if everyone is somehow not stressed out, though, sophie's the big spoon, keefe's the middle spoon, and fitz is the little spoon

the started out in reverse order and then sophie and fitz slowly came to realize over the course of their relationship that they liked each other's positions better than their own positions. even if their heights made it a lil difficult to do that

a game the boys like to play w/ sophie whenever she's the big spoon is laying flat on their backs, shoulder to shoulder, and watching her struggle to wrap all the way around them w/o climbing on top of keefe

(because climbing on top of anyone would be cheating. though, to be fair, keefe told her to do it once just to see if she could even wrap around them from the middle. the answer is barely)

it started as an impromptu joke that made keefe laugh his ass off on a rough night, and now it's just an ongoing thing they do every now and then and reference just to see sophie get (lightheartedly) worked up

also i would like it to be known that whenever fitz cuddles w/ his partners they always make sure that his left knee (his bad knee, for those of us that forgot which leg it was in canon) isn't trapped underneath someone

(that started when sophie was the big spoon w/ fitz for the first time and he made a casually amazed comment about how being the little spoon hurt his knee way less. and sophie was like 'have you been in pain every time we cuddled and not said anything?' and fitz was dead silent. [she couldn't see it but he was making the ohhhhhh shit i was not supposed to say that face]

(so the next time she saw keefe she was like 'new rule: make sure fitz's knee is never trapped underneath someone or crushed against the mattress, unless he specifically requests otherwise' and keefe adopted it immediately

(this leads to fitz almost always being the on the right side, since if he rolls onto his side it keeps his left leg on top)

there was this one time when keefe went over to havenfield to find fitz curled up to sophie like a koala while she read a human book on the living room couch and he instantly was like ':O you guys didn't tell me we were doing storytime! i would've come home sooner!' and fitz explained that they'd gotten books from sophie's childhood and her reading to him was on accident

meanwhile, sophie was absolutely melting for two reasons:

a) keefe tried making the whole storytime comment sound teasing, but it definitely had a genuine undertone. and the idea of having both her boys snuggled up to her while she read books that no one had ever shared interest w/ as a kid was a literal dream

b) keefe called havenfield home keefe called havenfield home keefe called havenfield home keefe called havenfield hom-

keefe makes reason a come true by asking her to catch him up on what they'd read so far, and ultimately ends up sprawled out across her and fitz's laps w/ his propped up knees acting as an accidental bookstand and fitz's hand running through his hair. the two of them make comments every now and then - keefe asking more questions in the beginning, and then it slowly turning into all quips; fitz just noticing how little details connect and accidentally figuring out the plot twists ten chapters before they happen

(sophie tries to not let it show that he's right, but her poker face sucks and they can tell immediately how accurate fitz's guesses are)

the whole storytime thing ends up becoming routine, but they migrate the books up to sophie's room instead of bags and bags around havenfield's couch and cuddle on her bed instead

(edaline walked in to give them some muffins she made but noticed them reading and just watched for a while before setting the plate down wordlessly and stepping back out. gushed about it to della, and they both teased their kids respectively a little later on. + keefe because he is not safe from motherly affection, no matter how embarrassing it is sometimes)

keefe likes coming up behind either of his partners when they're doing homework (or paperwork sometimes, in sophie's case) and just hugs them. presses a lil kiss to their neck or ear or shoulder. doesn't say anything, just delightedly watches their composure fall apart

example: when he does this to fitz, fitz goes from writing fluidly to writing only a few words at a time and often having to erase them because it ends up being his thoughts instead, not the subject matter. like that time he was writing a sentence that started with Flareadons have evolved to have fire-resistant exteriors because and ended with, after a solid minute-long pause in writing, oh my god my boyfriend is driving me insane. keefe, who was reading over fitz's shoulder the whole time, broke away and fell apart into hysterical laughter

(keefe makes jokes about the flareadon sentence to this day)

[you-have-been-frizzled]

I share your hate of Forkle, but was wondering your specific reasons or an analysiss?

What ending do you think Shannon will do for him??

Sorry this is very Forkle-based...

*bops you with wrapping paper tube* no apologizing! especially if it gives me a chance to rant about fork man

i have a few lists that i will compile here, i also think that in a darker version of kotlc he could easily have been a grommer that i go into more detail here

he broke into her room while she was sleeping who knows how many times when she was a little girl

he asked Sophie to meet him (a grown man) on a island alone and when she took Keefe with her he told her she had to come in the cave with him alone

he just about left Dex for dead in the Neverseen hideout and only brought him because Sophie refused to go without him. Dex was a innocent child and wasn’t just anyones child he was a member of the collective’s child, someone who he worked with side by side for years, and he was still willing to leave him behind

Dex ended up with scars because he didn’t bring enough elixirs for him.

he thinks of Sophie as an accomplishment and doesn’t expect her to want him to think of her as anything more (Everblaze, Page 447.)

he will act very cryptic and only give out bits of information, just enough that she will look into what he was talking about then act proud and flatter her, saying things like “i underestimated you kids”when she and her friends figure out the thing he wanted her to know.

he will tell her about problems in the world making it sound horrible and hopeless, then saying this is the thing we made you to fix, but that’s your choice

he’s constantly dehumanizing her because she is the Moonlark and it’s her job to change things and this is what she was created for. going from treater like his child to a weapon at the drop of a hat

he doesn’t see her as a person he sees her as the moonlark his creation. he doesn’t see her as a child he sees her as his tool and he does care about her but in the wrong way

excludes her parents from the conversations and tells her she has control over her life, not them, like she isn’t a young teen

he told a fourteen year old that if he and the rest of collective died Sophie and her friends would take their place, not caring about what kind of pressure that would put on her. then admits to grooming Sophie and her friends to lead the Black Swan one day

he is constantly reading her mind and never lets her have her thoughts to herself, giving her no sense of privacy to the point that’s she’s close to desensitized to it at this point.but he expects her to not read other peoples minds

he put all this importance on Prentice and told a child that they where going to use her to brake into prison and almost got a child killed (they could have done that without her they have dwarves)

finds it funny to exclude Sandor from conversations that could potentially put her in danger

he calls her his moonlark. which sounds sweet until you realize that’s her project code name he’s literally calling her “my creation” aka “my weapon”

now that that’s over with on to what i think Shannon will do with him.

his brothers wanderling was mentioned to be bending over as if it was waiting for someone, i do think he’s going to get killed off.

probably in the final battle Sophie hopefully doesn’t trust him as much by then (but that’s a bit unlikely) and he sacrifices himself for her. as he’s dying he makes her promise to not let her mind break and to keep being his moonlark. her anger at his death makes her win the battle then she breaks down. his plating would probably a line something like “and he where finally where he belonged, where he wanted to be, back together with his brother” (it had be better than that im writing this at one am)

what I want to happen is

for him to slowly lose his mind over his brothers death. now he’s depressed, but that doesn’t make a lot of sense. frokle and his brother where close as any two people could possibly be without being in the same body. it make’s very little sense for him to be as sane as he is when he literally lost a part of him.

i want him to make little commets here and there that make you go “uhh that didn’t sound like a sane person” but then brush it off. as time goes on his behavior becomes erratic and unpredictable and even Sophie starts to feel uncomfortable around him at times, but she brushes it off because he just misses his brother. then i want him to have a mental breakdown in front of Oralie Sophie and Keefe. where he reveals that Oralie is her bio mom, and ends up hurting Sophie by grabbing her. when they get out of the situation Sophie is shaken and when they go back to look for him he’s gone.

[a-sexy-asexual-658]

The Twin Sister (Part 8)

"Hey," Bianna said as she opened the gates of Everglem to let us in. "You made it."

"Yeah." Sophie managed a half smile which I just ignored and walked right in dragging her. I went on to lean against a tree as I observed them and their conversation.

Somewhere in the distance, a cricket chirped. Yeah, it was quiet and tense.

Sophie pulled on the sleeves of her pale yellow tunic, glad Bianna was also dressed casually—though Bianna's turquoise tunic had pink beaded flowers embroidered around the edges and a pink satin sash. "So, what are we going to do?"

Bianna stared at the ground as she shrugged.

Okay. . . .

"Is your family around?"

Bianna's eyes narrowed. "I knew you'd ask that." Oh drama!

"What?"

"I know you like my brother."

"What?"

"Please. It's pretty obvious."

"He's my friend." Sure, sis, sure. I smirked but was then pulled by Sophie as she started to walk away dragging me with her. "This was a bad idea."

Bianna grabbed her arm to stop us from walking away. "Wait. I'm sorry. It's just . . . girls always use me to get to my brother. I guess I sort of expect it."

Sophie just looked at her. Wait—then why was she friendly with me? "that's not what I'm doing—and you invited me over, remember?"

"I know.' Bianna stared at her hands, wringing her fingers so tight it looked painful, anyway so that's why she was acting weird. "Can we maybe start over?" She said interrupting my thoughts and both still ignoring me being there.

Sophie bit her lip. "I guess we can try."

Bianna exhaled, seeming relieved. "Good." Her eyes lit up, cute, but the glint I know that glint, I didn't have time to shudder before she spoke. "I know. We can give each other makeovers. I have all the serums to change our hair color, and we can try on some of my mom's gowns."

That's when I slowly and carefully removed Sophie's hand and tried to sneak away. Makeovers? Yeah, no thanks. Unfortunately, Bianna grabbed my arm, knowing I would try to leave when makeovers were mentioned. Fortunately, my second favorite best friend *cough* I mean second best friend came and saved me.

"Makeovers?' Keefe scoffed behind them. "You girls sure know how to have fun. Maybe you can braid each other's hair and giggle about boys while you're at it. I expected better from you, (Y/N)." I glared at him.

"Excuse me, bastard, don't talk to me like your my disappointed dad, and does the death grip on my arm seriously make you believe it's voluntary on my part," I said and he shrugged.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bianna asked, shooting Fitz a pointed look.

"We came to see if you guys want to play base quest," Keefe answered for him.

"What's base quest?"

"What's base quest!?" Me and Sophie said at the same time, her questioning plainly while I was suddenly right in Keefe's face with sparkle eyes and a love-struck smile. How did I suddenly get in his face when I was originally like ten feet away, ✨magic✨. What? A prankster never reveal's their secrets.

"Only the most awesome game ever. I call Foster for my team," Keefe announced.

Jealousy flared in Bianna's eyes as Keefe wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I felt my stomach drop. She liked him, didn't she. It wasn't a question. A small part of my brain tried to reason and comfort me by saying she was jealous because he was touching me but I shut it down. Sadness filled my eyes but I covered it up immediately with a grin. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. "How about we play boys against girls?" I said shoving Keefe off me harshly when he gave me a concerned look. He couldn't have noticed, unless..... was he an empath?

Fitz explained the rules. One team guarded its base while the other team launched a raid. If the questers made it to the base without getting tagged, they won.

"Light leaping isn't allowed, but special abilities can be used," Fitz added, looking right at Sophie and me like he was saying it for our benefit.

"That's not fair. We don't have . . ." Bianna's voice trailed off when Fitz shot her a warning look. Ass. "Fine. But you guys have to quest first."

Me and Bianna went to search the grounds as Sophie stayed back as a sentry, it was a good idea. The athletic ones hunt and the . . . . Sophie guards. Plus she can track the boys and tell me where they are, something about telepathy and stuff, yeah not important.

Me and Bianna were hunting for the boys I was looking on the ground looking for tracks and other stuff. Bianna was looking at me on the ground doing actual tracking, which she giggled at and called cute. "Bianna it's not cute, it's professional," I said but she ignored me. Suddenly I felt Sophie's voice fill my head, I jumped. I will never get used to that.

'They're near the lake.' I started making my way near the lake and found them there making their way to the tree. Bianna came next to me and as she passed by her hand brushed against the back of mine and a light pink dusted across my cheeks but I shook my head and continued on. We sneaked up behind them at the last second, we jumped letting out war cries and landed on them. I landed on Fitz and he fell to the floor with a squeal, he twisted under me so I was sitting on his front. My legs were left across his chest my knees on either side of him my sitting against his belly. He was about to say something when I good a mischievous idea. I put my hands on his cheeks and leaned down bringing his face forward up. I heard gasps and gags around me and Fitz had wide eyes and was frozen. When we were only an inch apart my pink lips twisted into a smirk.

"Ass." and I slammed his head onto the ground and stood up.

"Ooow!" He whined getting up. "What was that for!?" He yelled at me. I shrugged unbothered.

"You're an ass," I said as Keefe burst out laughing and Bianna was suppressing giggles while Sophie only had a relieved look on her face. I walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"Y'know I wouldn't actually do that to you right?" I said with a smile.

"Yeah, I know." She said and we heard claps.

"Break it up, foster twins, break it up now," Keefe said and we all started to talk with me trying— and failing— to flirt with Bianna. Bianna and Sophie seemed to get closer as they talked and I kept jabbing at Fitz annoying him to no end.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Sophie and (Y/N) Foster?" Alden asked behind us and I jumped, oh how I hate his voice and face and personality and face. Yes, I said that twice, I just really hate his face.

"We've missed you two around here," Della added, rushing over and wrapping me and Sophie up in her arms.

Sophie sank into the hug, but I tensed and then relaxed. I swear why do people give hugs without warning. I took a deep breath to clear my head and my nose crinkled. "Whoa, you smell like smoke. Is there a fire?"

Della glanced at Alden as she pulled out of the hug, backing a few steps away.

Alden cleared his throat. "Just something we're looking into. No reason to worry."

"'No reason to worry' my ass" I mocked him under my breath but was ignored.

"So, what are you guys up to?" Della asked.

"Getting stomped in base quest," Keefe grumbled. "You should've seen it—(Y/N) tagged us out like she knew where we were."

Alden glanced at Fitz—who gave the slightest nod—before he grinned at Keefe. "Sounds like someone's not happy about losing."

"I'd just like to know how she did it, but she insists on being all mysterious." Keefe narrowed his eyes at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. "also Sophie still hasn't explained how she almost slammed (Y/N) into the wall yesterday, also cool save how'd you twist your body like that? Anyway both are mysterious. Hmm, mysterious duo? Ehh I'll figure it out later." (taking suggestions, need them can't figure one out.) 

Sophie flushed, and I groaned when she turned to Alden. "Fitz said he was going to talk to you about that," she said quietly. "Any theories?"

"None that makes any sense," Alden admitted.

A second of silence passed. Then Della came to the rescue. "Besides, we girls never reveal our secrets. How else can we keep you boys on your toes? So, who's staying for dinner?" She glanced at me and Sophie.

"Sorry. I told Edaline we'd be home. Maybe next time." She flushed probably realizing we'd invited ourselves over.

But Biana smiled. "Sounds good."

"Do you need to use the Leap master?" Alden asked.

"No, Grady and Edaline gave us home crystals." She held up a long silver chain that hung to her waist. The crystal pendant only had a single facet, the path to Havenfield. They'd given us each one that morning, apologizing for not giving her one sooner.

We really felt like family. . . . . . note the sarcasm.

"Don't stay away too long this time," Alden told us. "We've missed you two around here."

"I've missed you guys too. I'll see you soon." Sophie said while I grinned flipping him off saying.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to punch you next time." Walking into the light ignoring people's flabbergasted faces and Alden exclaiming.

"SEE!! She does flip me off, I told you!"

~Monday~

Today Bianna, Fitz, and Keefe sat at our table at lunch and I just spoke with Bianna most of the time, secretly trying to fix my messed-up outfit, I stayed up all night so I wasn't dressed that great. Why was I staying up all night you ask? Stinky. He had somehow gotten out of his tank and stank up the room, I stayed up all night cleaning and getting the stink out as Sophie took Iggy and slept in her room for the night.

Marella kept giving me side eyes of '" knew it' and 'I told you so' while I glared at her. The lunch period soon ended and we went to class, I had healing as my favorite subject that I would willingly go to every day. Anyway, it was just full of Elwin teaching me the differences between types of burn creams and stuff and ingredients. I was disgusted, you put yeti pee on a burn, eww!! Anyway, I ditched study hall because I planned to sneak into Dame Alina's office and pull a prank but she was there so I chose to wait.

Apparently, she didn't leave until a few hours after school and that sucks, but I was determined. I snuck in and started the prank that took a few hours to set up but at exactly midnight I heard voices in the hallway and ducked into a nearby closet. In walked Alden, Dame Alina, Sophie, and her telepathy mentor- Tiergan. I quickly took out my radio recorder, whatever was about to happen was going to be juicy if they were having a meeting at this time. They went on to talk about how Sophie broke a law blah blah blah and then punishments and stuff. Boring, nothing juicy yet. I was about to stop the recording when the juiciest juice of all was spilled.

"It's hardly a secret you tried to stop his wedding to Della," Tiergan said and a grin split across my face. Now that's not really blackmail but really good gossip and juice, wonder if Marella knows.

They went on to talk about punishments and stuff and when they were about to leave Sophie turned and stared at the closet I was in or, more precisely, where I was sitting.

"What's wrong Sophie?" Alden asked and I hoped for dear life I won't be caught. She sighed and it was the type of sigh that said 'we will have a long talk later, but for now I will cover for you, idiot'. Yea she sighs a lot because of me so I kinda know what every one of her sighs means.

"Nothing." Her mentor unfortunately didn't buy it and walked over to the closet I was crouched in and opened the door. It slowly opened and revealed me still crouched on the ground in my uniform.

"(Y/N)!!!"

"Hi?" I said and waved awkwardly and stood up walking out of the closet.

"How long have you been here?" Tiergan asked being the first to recover from the shock.

"Uh since Dame Alina left her office . . . . . . . at 5." They deadpanned.

"And why were you in my office so late?" Dame Alina asked from her position sitting on her chair and I only grinned my lazy grin.

"I think you know why and if you don't want anything to happen I suggest not getting up," I said and she paled and finally looked around her chair seeing all the wires and stuff connected to her chair. Alden ignored her and walked over to me with a stern face.

"(Y/N), you cannot tell anyone of what you heard here, your sister could face serious charges." I only gave a him weirded-out and disgusted face.

"Alden," I spat with venom lacing it like saying his name made me feel sick, which it did," Do you really think I would tell anyone something like this when it could hurt my sister severely? I may seem like a crack-headed idiot but I know how to keep a secret, after all, I've been keeping one to protect me and Sophie for 12 fucking years." I said shoving past him and grabbing Sophie using the home crystal around my neck to get home.

When we got to Havenfeild Grady and Edaline were still in bed and probably thought we were too. We snuck up the stairs and got ready for bed and went to sleep, of course, I fed our sweet little Stinky first though. Poor little thing had to wait so long. We both went to sleep in silence not wanting to talk about the events of tonight.

~The Next Day~

Well me and Sophie had detention the next day, obviously. Sophie because she broke a law - go girl! I'm clearly after 12 fucking years rubbing off on her- and me because of my prank. Apparently, they couldn't find a way for Alina to avoid the prank and she showed up at school or work for her with hot pink sparkly hair and crimson red eyes. She also had paper white skin, a total upgrade in my opinion, but not in hers because I'm still going to detention. If it makes it any better the whole school laughed, even the teachers!

Dex questioned where we were going but I ignored him and walked away, being grumpy because I wanted more sleep. Why does school start at 8 fucking am in the morning? And then the teachers have the AUDACITY to expect us to be up and chirpy, let alone want to learn! Insane, these people, insane. Even more than I am- and that's saying something! I just went straight to the corner and put my head down to take a nap, about five minutes later I felt a prodding at my side but ignored it. The poking got harsher and harsher until I shot my head up in frustration and was too late to dodge the finger coming for my face.

I met Keefe's stupid playful eyes as the finger took a 180 from aiming for my cheek to my nose. It touched my nose softly as he let out a soft 'boop' with a grin on his face. I glared nastily at him as I took his finger and dislocated it with my index finger and thumb. Elwin taught me this, it was supposed to force the finger back into place but I did the opposite move and it popped right out. Keefe let out a streak that caught the attention of the whole class as the teacher walked over.

"What's wrong?" He asked and Keefe still stunned and in pain - the little wimp even I can take a little dislocation, after all, I have in the past, don't read too much into that- and the teacher after confirming it was dislocated turned to me with an urgent and expectant stare. "You- you study under Elwin right? Can you put his finger back in place?" He asked and I morphed my face to look cute sad eyes and a pout. Everyone falls for it.

"I'm sorry sir! But Elwin hasn't taught me stuff like that yet, he said for now I should stick with how to identify injuries before curing them." I said with a tilt of my head and Keefe gave me a glare knowing I was lying because this was my signature way of getting away with what I wanted and succeeding. After all, everyone fell for it. The boys in the room either blushed, melted or both at my face and the teacher seemed to think I was telling the truth, I did though notice a few girls look away with red cheeks.

"Very well, Keefe you can walk yourself to the healing center yes?" The teacher said and Keefe huffed walking out with his bag to get his finger fixed. I then looked at Sophie who was sitting in the chair in front of me as I grinned when the teacher wasn't looking and she sighed shaking her head.

Anyway, the rest of the day was boring and the author was lazy (What it is true) so let's skip to tomorrow. Apparently, we had ballroom dancing for detention and Keefe tried to grab Sophie but the teacher quickly assigned her to some greasy-looking kid, then he tried to grab me but me not wanting to also get partnered with a greasy kid because of Lady Belva's jealous wrath quickly grabbed a random non-greasy looking boy.

The music started and soon we started to dance, unfortunately, since it was ballroom dancing the boys' hands were on my hips, and mine were on his shoulders while we got close to each other so that we were only a few inches apart. My head was turned down the whole time, making sure I don't step on him when He started to strike up a conversation.

"Uh- hi. My name is Jay, I'm guessing your (Y/N) Foster?" I nodded as I finally looked up into the boy's blue eyes. He had dazzling bright blue eyes that seemed to shine brighter than any star I had seen, but not to put him down, I've only ever seen like two stars and they weren't that bright. He also had seemingly dyed hair, blonde fading into red with splotches of a dark shade of something that I couldn't name and it all just looked so . . . .. . natural. He had pale brown skin. He was gorgeous. Hey, am I capable of having more than one crush? Actually, who cares! I most likely won't end up with any of my crushes so fuck it! (If only you knew darling, if only you knew)

"Uh- y-yes!" I said stuttering trying to gather my thoughts. I smiled and I blushed, we went on to talk completely forgetting we were dancing, only doing it mindlessly now. Once I made eye contact with Keefe and grinned at me with a suggestive wink glancing at Jay with wiggled brows. I rolled my eyes and looked away, but I checked his emotions for some reason and when I did I felt something weird, it felt like jealousy. I shrugged probably tuned into some other boy, after all, boys love me. If only girls did too.

We were interrupted by the bell and as I grabbed my things Jay walked up to me. "Hey, do you wanna sit with me at lunch tomorrow?" he asked and I felt myself beam, but then I remembered I still have detention.

"Sorry I still have detention, for the rest of the week," I said and he nodded, he then caught a mischievous glint in his eye and turned around. He yelled over the rushing kids to Lady Belva who was about to leave.

"Hey! Lady Belva! You're a pedophilic whore!!" He yelled and she gasped storming over in anger. Her whole face was red and it took everything in me not to laugh, I mean it was true though.

"Mr. Dickson! How dare you talk to a mentor like that!! Detention for a week!" She said and calmed herself down before she did anything, she seriously looked like she was about to hit him. As she walked away Jay grinned at me.

"Well, now you have company!" He said while he swung his bag over his shoulder.

"Actually, my sister was my company because she's here till midterms but oh well," I said and we shared a smile as we both walked out. We separated and I caught up with Keefe and Sophie. As Sophie saw me she pointed at Keefe.

"Did you know he was an empath!?" She asked or more like yelled.

"Yup," I said simply, popping the p.

Anyway since the author is still lazy and she is using her parents lap top since she doesn't have one and has to hurry the fuck up so she can finish this before they get back from where ever the fuck they are, she didn't go because her father threw all her clothes in the washer and she had nothing to wear (Hey get out of my personal life!!!) let's hurry this up to the dreaded midterms, it just feels so wrong in my mouth.

I would usually skip but Sophie made an effort to escort me to all my classes. They wanted to pack all the tests in one day, because their all asswholes, so we had a busy day. I wrote an essay for history then Elwin, being the lovable easy going guy he is, just had had me brew a sting-reducing cream by myself and try to get it right. After I had empathy and the mentor just had me try to read the emotions of someone he had set up across the campus, yeah he went harder on me since I could read emotions without physical contact. Then after that, I just had to bottle a lightning storm.

Finally, it was lunch so we had a break, I sat down with my tray and just ate ignoring everything around me. Lunch went quickly- too quickly, I had named a bunch of stars in the universe then had channeling for phys. ed. Finally, it was alchemy, I walked in completely ignoring Lady Galvin, or as I call Lady Grumpypants. I walked over to the desk waving at her.

"Let's get this over with." She huffed, oh she was so done with me. Luckily because Sophie had read her mind she changed her test from the hardest thing to removing iron with ruckleberries.

I picked up one and looked at it, she taught me to squeeze them but what would happen if I just open them and rub them on the iron. So guess what I did. I popped it open. It released a stink that smelt of feet but I didn't care, I've smelt worse. I started rubbing the inside part on the iron and it worked. I finished in five minutes and only a few drops got on my skin, I walked up to Lady Galvin with a grin and handed her the key, and walked out. I heard her mumble 'that's not how you do it' under her breath as I left and I laughed.

"Well, that was brutal," Dex whined when we met up at the lockers later that day. He slammed his locker closed. "How'd it go for you?"

"Almost died, you think I do that for kicks?" I said with a grin. Now that I think about it I never grinned or smiled when with humans so my jaw hurts.

"Yes," Dex said with no hesitation, ha he knows me. Of course, I almost died for fun! Well not this time, tests aren't fun. Still hurts he said it with no hesitation let alone staring blankly at me too.

"Hmph!" I pouted as he and Sophie spoke. Anyway, let's end this here because I'm tired of narrating my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4287 words

I'M SO SORRY!!! I haven't updated for like a month!! I'm sorry, its just school and other things! Plus I mainly work on my wattpad account (in bio).

Well I hope you all survive school and drink water and eat food!! Or else I'll force (Y/N) to have Valin as a love interest.

Anyway goodbye fellow people who come to this website to dream about living a life we don't have and escape reality to the world of wear we can simp all we want shamelessly. 

Now to go do my homework, ugh.

~Sahiko

[haydenssuperblog]

The New Testament of Music

I talked about hip-hop from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s in the last post but what about the current state of hip-hop and what it is today. The big names of hip-hop today are people like Tyler, The Creator, Kendrick Lamar, Kid Cudi, Drake, and Cheif Keef. From 2012 to today they have been the pioneers of what hip-hop sounds like and is viewed as by the general public. Each of these people have their own unique sound and style that sets them apart from the others with Tyler's creativity and production to Kendrick's storytelling and influence they're all different. Tyler was born in Hawthore, California in 1991. He started his music career with the group Odd Future which began in 2007. They released their first album in 2008 called "The Odd Future Tape", but they were really shoved into the spotlight when they stared in their own show on Adultswim called "Loiter Squad" where Tyler was quickly seen as a fan favorite. Tyler released his first solo album, Bastard, in 2009 when he was still associated with the group and Tyler would stay this way until a lot of the other members would also pursue solo careers and fizzle out. Odd Future is still considered together while they have a clothing line and partner with shoe companies like Converse, they're just not actively making music together. Tyler's Latest album, "Call Me if You Get Lost", won the Grammy for rap album of the year in 2021.

Kendrick Lamar, Born in Compton, 1987, Kendrick sees himself as the reincarnation of Tupac and the one to carry on his legacy. Kendrick Lamar made his major label debut with his album, "Good Kid, m.A.A.d City". This album has made almost 2 million sales with 242,000 of those being in the first week. It debuted at number 2 on the billboard top 200 and was the highest earning first week album sales for a male artist that year. Kendrick has won 15 Grammys over the years but is yet to win the big one, album of the year. He could win it this year though with his latest album, "Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers" in talks to be nominated. "Good Kid, m.A.A.d City" wasn't the only big album released in 2012 with Cheif Keef's "Finally Rich" released that year as well. Keith Cozart was born in southside Chicago in 1995. He caught the attention of Kanye West and made multiple songs including a remix of one Keefs most popular songs, "I Don't like", featuring multiple chicago and New York based rappers like Big Sean and Pusha T. Kanye helped push the careers of other artists such as Kid Cudi, a Cleveland born rapper who debuted in 2009. Cudi caught the attention of Kanye when he ran into him at a record store in 2009 and gave him a flash drive with his mixtape, "A Kid Named Cudi", on it. Cudi has gone on to work with artists like Travis Scott, Denzel Curry, and JID. Cudi has also dabbled in acting when he stared in the 2022 A24 film "X".

[crymeariveronceagain]

How do you think keefe would comfort sophie if she had a mental breakdown or panic attack

They were talking about the Neverseen when it happened. Her words picked up speed the way they always did. Keefe didn't notice it.

But he noticed when her thoughts turned dark. Negative. Threatening.

"But if Tam doesn't have the right information then we'll never be able to get through to Glimmer and nothing will get done, and if nothing gets done then we'll never get to try and change anything and the council will be so mad and Grady will have to yell at them and it will get worse and they'll use that ability restrictor on him because he'll make them do what he wants and he will get thrown into exile and Edaline will cry and Mom can't cry and--" Her breathing rasped in her chest, and she cut herself off in the middle of a statement. Keefe's eyes swung from the window to her. "Oh my stars," she hissed, leaning her head against her arm. "Oh my stars," she said, "I can't breathe. I can't--"

Her voice cut off, and Keefe rushed to her side.

"It's all gonna go wrong, it's all gonna go bad, I can't stop--"

Keefe was thinking swear words extremely loudly, but he'd rehearsed this protocol with her before. Anxiety was something she dealt with, that tried to crush her, destroy her in every way it could.

Her head was in her hands and her body was crunching in on itself, her breathing non-existent.

He reached out and gently pulled her hands away from her face. "Deep breaths, love," his voice was calm and steady.

He was glad Sophie wasn't an Empath. There was enough panic radiating off of her as it was. She didn't need his added into it.

He reached out, setting his hands on her arms, holding her in place, gently.

"In for four," he said, inhaling slowly, setting her hand on his chest.

Her breathing was shaky, her hands trembling. But she complied.

"Hold for seven," Her breathing stopped, but he was okay with that this time. She could stop breathing. Just to even it all out.

"Exhale for eight."

Her breath moved too fast, and her hands were still shaky.

"Again," he said, "Slowly."

Her breathing evened out a little more.

"Good job," he said, "Good job, Foster," he kept his hands firm. "Again."

Almost normal, Keefe thought, and relief flooded him.

Her breathing shakily returned to normal, and she looked at the ground as he walked over to the kitchen sink and returned with a cup of water.

She took it, still silent.

The air hung between them like a silent and heavy curtain.

"How do you put up with me?"

Keefe looked up at her. Her eyes were sad and on the ground, and she hadn't taken a drink of any of her water yet. "What do you mean?"

"How do you put up with me? I break down all the time, I trail off in the middle of conversations, I run away and hide from the world, and barely want to let you back in, I can barely breathe right," her eyes got a little frenzied again.

"Take a deep breath," Keefe interjected, calmly.

She complied, almost like she needed the reminder. When her words started coming out again they were rushed, like she needed to say them all at once, "I just don't understand how you're so willing to deal with all of my stupid reactions and bad choices and the way I depend so heavily on you for stupid things like getting me water and re-teaching me how to breathe."

Keefe tilted his head to the side, looking at her.

Her blonde hair hung in waves from being slept on, or rather laid down on, based on the circles under her eyes.

A smile touched his lips.

"I love you," he answered. "And it's not "putting up" with anything. I choose you. And if you're gonna have to re learn how to breathe, today," he smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes, "Then I'm more than happy to be the handsomest breathing teacher you've ever had."

He could feel the doubt radiating off her, but she stuffed it under a lighter feeling.

"Okay," she said, "Okay."

"You don't believe me." It wasn't a question.

She shook her head. "But I'm trying."

Keefe grinned at her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "That's all I can ask, anyways, Foster. We'll try to believe each other together."

[moononastring]

Spirit Meets the Bones VI

Find it all here.

Genre: Angst/Romance Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. Author’s Note: Feedback is always welcome :) Thank you for reading! Tagging: @inejjg | @vanserrasvalkyrie​ | @nina-zcnik  | @chloepereyra | @tealnymph24 |  @illyrianvalkyrie | @arielle-reads | @gwyns | @highladyofdawn | @do-it-for-keef | @palegardenpersona | @ae-lingalathynius | @frosted-crackers | @gingerwritess | @lovelywordsandwine  | @erisvanserrarailmepls | @theleavesarecinders | @verifiefangirl | @poisonous-bloom | @live-the-fangirl-life | @humanexile | @ellies-iced-coffee | @cardansgreenbriars | @positivewitch | @helion-ism | @asteria-of-mars | @sfae |  @highlady-fireheart | @sjmships | @rarephloxes | @readthelastpaage | @highladyoftheday | @thewilderheart | @starlightorstarfire | @ddsworldofbooks |  @deardiarystuff | @queen-hypaxia | @taerifficocean | @deespoina9 | @steelhiddenbysilk | @rachaels14 | @highladyofdawn | @foxybananaaaz | @ladyelain | @banana-batman | @rattlethestarsdarling | @rainbowcheetah512 | @rainbowsnowflake | @rosea324  | @princessofmerchants | @illyrianshadowhunter | @bookologist | @crowchanblackbeak 

He had let her win. 

She knew it and though it stung for a moment, getting to see his hounds would be worth it. 

Iris was not trained to be that good of a rider to truly have a chance at beating him but she wanted to try. 

When he cheated, giving himself a head start, Iris raced after him, letting out such a cry of outrage followed by a string of such foul language that Eris had not expected, he had to stop just to laugh. 

She had stopped next to him, ready to launch into a verbal assault but the sight of him laughing so openly had any words die in her throat. Iris could begrudgingly admit that her husband was handsome but...gods, he must not laugh often for his face to look this radiant when he did. 

Her face had flushed at the thought. She doubted anyone had ever used the word radiant to describe Eris. But fire flowed in his veins and it seemed to burn brighter when he smiled. Iris grimaced. If he ever found out these thoughts crossed her mind...his ego would be suffocating.

And like children, Iris had insisted they count to three and then raced back to the stables. 

But he had still let her win, even at the cost of the kiss he constantly teased her about. 

Eris didn’t think she would hold it against him though. In fact, based on the conversations they had been having all day and how her shoulders had loosened alongside her expressions, she seemed to have relaxed enough not to hold too much against him at this point. 

Especially if he kept smiling at her. She seemed to pause when he did. He was also listening to her requests which seemed to open an avenue between them. They were all reasonable requests. He had no real reason to say no.  

Eris also found that he really liked it when she smiled back at him. Really liked it. So, he wouldn’t take a kiss unless she would willingly give it. 

They had watched each other as they returned the horses to the stables, the air between them definitely less tense than it had been this morning but still mingled with awkwardness. 

When they finally began walking towards the general direction of the house, Iris stopped him with a gentle hand. Eris’s eyes zeroed in on her fingers touching his knuckles. That she was touching him voluntarily...

“The hounds.” she only said and Eris looked at her and raised a brow.

“Don’t tell me I need to teach you basic manners, wife.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. Both of Eris’s brows went up.

Iris watched him then, watched him as he watched her. He had been awfully reasonable all morning, but she still needed to work through this doubt of hers. And he was still a little shit. So she could be one right back.

Slowly, she brought her hands to rest beneath her chin and gave him a charming smile. “Please take me to see the puppies, husband.” 

Eris’s whole body locked up and he immediately let his expression turn stoic. He prayed to whatever gods were listening that the tip of his ears didn’t give away the cardiac arrest he was sure his body was succumbing to at the moment. 

This was an outrageous reaction. She had only said please with a smile. It should not have this kind of impact — what in the cauldron —

“They are not puppies.” he barely managed and she only smiled wider. 

“I did win so it’s only fair you take me now.” she said and slid an inch closer to him. “Then you can take me on the tour? You said there was a music room you would show me too?”

But Eris wasn’t listening. He willed his mind not to focus on the words ‘take me now’ that she had said twice but rather, focus on what little distance was between them. She had not only touched him on her own, without a dagger present, she had also moved closer to him. On her own. His eyes were on the inch of space between them. What did this mean? It was impossible for her to trust him enough already. Was it him being agreeable? Was it —

Iris watched him and bit her lip, which did nothing to help him. His whole body had shut down. “Eris?”

Eris looked up at her and blinked. Then cleared his throat, shaking out his hands and held out his arm. “I’ll take you. You did win after all.” he finally said, and Iris didn’t fail to notice the slight color in his face. 

Fighting back a smile, she smugly took his arm, the feeling much different to her taking his arm as she had on their wedding day. 

They began walking in silence towards the kennel, Eris guiding their walk and Iris took the time to pay attention to her surroundings though painfully aware of the way his body constantly brushed up against hers.

The grounds surrounding the Forest House were in beautiful condition. Everything was neatly trimmed, the colors merging together like a beautiful fall painting, the air crisp around them. 

Eris nodded to each of their sentries as they passed, and Iris observed how they reacted to him.

“Are these some of the sentries loyal to you?” she whispered, making sure she appeared as demure as they expected her to be.

“Most are loyal to me. Only the ones that are directly under my father’s hand aren’t.” he replied quietly. 

Iris blinked. He was a lot more powerful than he let on. 

“You hide it well.” 

He looked at her in confusion. “Hide what?”

“The fact that it would take you very little to overthrow your father but you hold back.”

Eris froze, stopping Iris with him. Carefully, he looked around them in a way one would think he was observing the weather. Gently but firmly, he pulled her by the arm to face him and in a voice barely above a whisper he said, “Do not ever say something like that again. Especially outside of our bedroom. Especially out in the open. The wind carries all secrets.” 

She blinked, her eyes flickering to the hand on her arm then back to his carefully crafted expression. But his eyes gave it away. 

“I didn’t realize it was such a sensitive subject.”

“Both of our heads will be on spikes faster than you can apologize.” he said quietly. “My father does not take to traitors.”

“You’re his firstborn.” she whispered.

“Who is more well-liked and rivals him in strength.” his lips barely moving as he answered. “I tread very carefully. He’s punished me for less.”

Iris swallowed then nodded and Eris slowly let go of her arm. Clasping his hands behind him, he jerked his head towards the path leading to the kennels and Iris followed him quietly, a slight distance between them now.

It served as a reminder to both, they still knew little about one another. So they walked in silence until the sound of barks and growls greeted them. 

Eris turned to look at her. “This kennel only opens with my magic and the very limited staff that take care of them. As my wife, you would now also be given access.” he explained. “They do not obey anyone but me no matter who orders them, but I can train them to obey you as well when the time comes.”

Iris nodded and despite the tense moment that passed between them, she couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled inside her. Eris shot her an amused look.

“You will have to let me go to them first so they don’t attack you, understood?” he asked and she saluted which earned her an eye roll. “We’ll see if they’ll let you stand close enough.”

“But I want to cuddle them.”

Eris rolled his eyes again, opening the kennel door slowly. “Your funeral.” he muttered.

Instantly, the barks grew louder and in a blink of an eye, Eris was surrounded by all twelve of his hounds who excitedly jumped around and over him. 

“Hello, my pets.” he said in such a soft affectionate tone that it felt like Iris was intruding on a private moment. “I missed you all. Yes, yes, I know, I should’ve stopped by earlier.”

She stood watching him, her amusement growing by the moment but more importantly, Iris felt herself soften as she watched him. He addressed each of them, petting them individually and Iris had to physically restrain herself from jumping in the middle of it all.

“Eris.” she said in an almost whine and that brought his attention back to her as he looked over his shoulder with a smirk.

Almost at once, the hounds faced her, realizing they had a newcomer in their mist. Some paused, observing her while others started pacing slowly around her. Iris let her gaze flicker all over the so-called kennel as the hounds surveyed her and it was the most extravagant animal space she’d ever seen. 

The place was warm and each hound had its sleeping space labeled with their name and pillows that looked more fluffed than the ones in their own bedroom. Each had their own water and food bowls that Iris could swear were solid gold. Toys were scattered across the floor and when her eyes fell on a basket filled to the brim with more, she turned to Eris in disbelief. 

“Lethal, you say?”

“Just because they’re trained for a specific purpose doesn’t mean they can’t be spoiled.” he said defensively, his hounds still trying to get his affection and him happily obliging. “I need them to be loyal and to be loyal they need to be loved. 

Iris felt the words loyal and loved vibrate through her body, their earlier conversation still ringing in her ear. Tugging on her ear, she circled in place, taking in more of the space until Eris finally stood.

“My pets, this is my wife. Please line up nicely to introduce yourselves.” he spoke and Iris shot him a look of surprise as his hounds did exactly that. “She is a special someone who will have access to you all as well. We must treat her nicely and protect her, yes?”

A chorus of barks followed his question and Iris huffed out a laugh.

“They...understand you?”

“Of course.” he said and walked back towards her. “They understand more than people give them credit for. So, feel free to talk to them as well.”

She raised a brow. “I thought you said they won’t listen to anyone but you?”

“I thought you said you could get them to cuddle with you?” he countered, and she rolled her eyes. 

“I will. You’ll see.” she muttered and slowly lowered herself to be at eye level with the first of the hounds who only stared at her. “Hello, my friend. My name is Iris and I am here to love you with all my heart if you’ll let me.”

Eris’s lips twitched at the cooing in her voice. “This is Lyra. She’s the leader of the group. Win her over and the rest will follow.”

“Well hello Lyra.” Iris gushed and held out her hand for Lyra to sniff. “It is so very nice to meet you. Please, please let me hug you.”

Iris held her breath as the hound observed her, waiting for her to do something. It felt like a test. To know if she was worthy of affection. 

A heartbeat passed and Eris wondered how big her disappointment would be when Lyra ignored her. He almost wanted to bribe the hound.

But Lyra did not want to disappoint. Lyra reached out and sniffed Iris’s hand. Iris froze in place as the gray sleek hound slowly circled her, all the while sniffing. Eris watched as the hound sniffed at Iris then looked towards him, sniffing in his general direction. He raised his brow at the hound who only blinked back at her master and turned back to circle Iris again.

With her hand still held out for Lyra, Iris whispered loudly, “Please let me love you, you majestic creature.”

Eris snorted and Iris shot him a reproachful look, but the hound now stopped in front of her, sniffing one more time at her hand, blinking up at her then slowly rested her head in her palm.

Iris tried but failed to hold back a giddy giggle and Eris could only stare at her.

“Well hello!” she practically squealed and Lyra looked up at Iris who gently cupped the hound’s face and leaned in to kiss her nose. “You’re so sweet and I love you already. Oh, yes I do.”

Eris watched and crossed his arms, pursing his lips so he didn’t do anything stupid like smile again. Which he had done too many times today already. 

He watched in disbelief as his lethally trained leading hound whined softly and allowed Iris to not only pet her but scoop her in her arms.

“You little traitor.” he muttered and Iris laughed. “How are people going to be afraid of you if you succumb to sweet words so easily? I’ve been boasting about you for nothing.”

Lyra only woofed and seeing their leader sit so calmly in the arms of their master’s guest, the eleven other hounds approached her cautiously. 

“Oh hello!” she said sweetly, reaching out her free hand to pet whichever one was closest. “And who are you? And you? Oh, look at you all!” Glancing up at Eris, she squinted at him. “Introduce me now, please.”

Scoffing, Eris lowered his hand to pet one of his other hounds as he rattled off their names, pointing to each one. “That’s Sirius, Ara, Carina, Apus, Phoenix, Leo, Vela, Atlas, Pavo, Canis, and Antaras.”

Iris slowly looked at him with a raised brow. “Are those —”

“Inspired by the constellations. Yes. The Night Court can’t claim the stars as their own.” he said, the tips of his ears heated and Iris held back a smile, turning back to Lyra and Atlas who had come closer. “Say what you will but their names suit them.”

“Self-conscious about that, huh?” she teased, petting the fourth hound to settle itself near her feet. “It seems I’ve pushed more than one of your buttons today.”

Eris tensed briefly, rubbing at his ear. “I didn’t mean to get firm with you. Or grab your arm.” he said quietly. 

Iris didn’t reply, her focus on the hounds surrounding her, each one trying to feel her touch — much like their master craved.

Eris lowered himself to pet Sirius then softly added, “You need to understand. The way things are with me father...if he sensed any ill will from me, he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me. Or use you to hurt me.”

Iris’s mouth tightened. “Why?”

“It’s how he keeps us all in check.” he said. “You may be my wife now, but you aren’t the first female in my life. It did not end well between me and her because of him.” 

Iris thought back to Lucien and his first lover. Beron hadn’t hesitated to ruin them and that was because he thought Jesminda was beneath him. What would he do to the wife of a traitor son?

 “What happened?” she whispered and Eris’s shoulders tensed. 

“It was a long time ago.” he said quietly, his hands gentle on Ara. “She wasn't a lesser fae like Jesminda so he really went out of his way to make her uncomfortable. To bother her. To try and run her out.” 

As if sensing Eris’s tone shifting, two of his hounds brushed up against him and he gave them a small smile. “In the end, my father won and got what he wanted from her willingly...she left soon after and has been happily wedded for years now.” he continued, and Iris didn’t miss the way his shoulders seemed to hunch at the words. She desperately wanted to keep her disgust at his father off her face and debated whether to reach out a hand. But his shoulders carried so much tightness, she kept her hands to herself.

He cleared his throat then added, “None of my relationships were serious after that. There wasn’t a point. So, I just wasted time and kept any dalliances quiet.”

Iris bit her lip, watching him avoid her eyes. It made her hesitate...but she had to ask.

“I want to ask one more question,” she said quietly. “But if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay too.”

Eris looked at her, his gaze assessing. A heartbeat of silence passed before he finally said, “Mor.”

Iris nodded and watched as Eris looked away, seemingly debating.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” she added again, and he shook his head before giving her a tight smile. 

“If you’re asking about my part of the story and whether I did leave her on the border or not,” he said and let out a breath. “That part is true.” 

Iris’s hands paused their petting and she swallowed. “Even in the state she was in?”

Eris looked down at the several hounds that had surrounded the two of them, almost encompassing them in a circle. He let Lyra nudge him into petting her and it was a moment before he could meet Iris’s gaze. 

“What happened with Mor is something I will regret having any kind of part in for as long as I live.” he murmured “But you have to understand, if I had touched her...if I had tried to help her...it meant a worser fate.”

Iris felt a sense of dread rise in her, watching Eris’s jaw clench, especially when another hound whined softly and drew closer to him. 

“It meant…” he continued faintly. “My father could do whatever he wanted to her and then make me do whatever he wanted to her. It would’ve been a fate worse than death. She may not have wanted our union but neither did I.”

“I’m sorry for asking.” she said softly but Eris shook his head. 

“You can always ask. It’s a fair question.” he replied, his expression neutral. “Mor made her decision and I had to make mine. I was young and had no power so I wouldn’t have been able to protect her. He would’ve capitalized on that. The only thing I could do was send for the Illyrians to come get her and I paid dearly for that. It doesn’t make me noble by any means but I did what I could in that situation. I would’ve never wished what happened to her on anyone.”

This time Iris didn’t hesitate to reach out a hand and gently lay it on his. He glanced down at it then back at her. 

“Don’t think I am unaware that I am the villain in her story. It is her story to tell, and I have made peace with it.” he continued and met Iris’s gaze. “But it’s not a narrative I wish to continue with anyone else.”

Iris bit the corner of her lip then gave him a tight smile of her own. “Anyone else?”

He returned the same smile. “Anyone else.”

A beat of silence passed and because Iris didn’t want to think too deeply about his words and his tone, she said, “Should I be concerned about having sister wives at some point? ‘Anyone else’ seems a tad vague.”

Eris snorted. “I’m barely surviving with one wife, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

She bit back her small smile and with her hand still on his, she gently squeezed. “Thank you. For sharing that with me.”

Eris seemed to freeze for a moment and then blinked and quietly said, “Thank you for asking.” 

They watched each other for another moment and Iris’s heart beat wildly as his thumb grazed her hand. His eyes dropped to their joined hands and Iris watched as he opened his palm, her hand now resting fully in his. 

“You have lovely hands.” he said soberly. 

Her hand twitched in his, but she left it there as he continued to brush his thumb against it. “They were meant to be playing the piano, I think.”

“To wield a dagger too, I’d say.”

“Best of both worlds.”

And Iris felt her cheeks heat when he looked at her, the corner of his mouth curving up. She glanced away and though a part of her didn’t want to — and that same part of her deeply enjoyed seeing her hand held in someone else’s, she pulled away before it started shaking and stood.

 Eris’s hand closed on the empty space in it and then slowly stood as well just as Iris sighed softly. She bit her lip, willing her heart to slow as she turned to look at him. 

“Your father is going to be a big problem, isn’t he?”

Eris snorted and met her gaze. “He’s always been a big problem. He’s just gotten worse since under the mountain.” he replied and added more urgently, “It’s why you can’t say things like you did outside. It’s why I let him overpower me and it’s why you need to be careful which mask you wear around him. It’s why my mother —”

But he cut himself off here and Iris knew without him saying, there was a bigger reason his mother still put up with the High Lord. 

She thought back to what Eris had told her before. 

It is in our best interest to play by the expectations so that no one looks too closely at us.

“I understand.” she said. “I don’t like it. But I understand.”

Eris nodded and if Iris had blinked, she might have missed his appreciative glance. 

“I don’t like it either. No one does but we make it work until the right moment.”

Iris stood next to him, her hands still rubbing behind Lyra’s ear. “Until the right moment?”

Eris seemed to weigh the words he said next very carefully. “There are...pieces at play.” he said slowly, and Iris blinked. “It will work out when it does.”

She furrowed her brows but nodded all the same then looked down as another hound nudged her hand. Smiling, she pet Vela and then looked up at Eris. 

“So, what do I have to do to convince you to let them sleep in our bed?”

His heart did a strange spasm at the words of ‘our bed’ but Eris composed himself well enough to roll his eyes casually. “Their beds here are posh enough.”

“You’re telling me you’ve never let them sleep in your bed with you?” she asked and lowered herself once more as the hounds surrounded her again. “What a waste.”

He debated how truthful to be with her here because...well. How else would they build something if he wasn’t honest? 

Iris waited with a challenging look in her eyes, and it was quiet for a moment until Eris pursed his lips, feeling almost compelled to speak, and finally, after a heartbeat of debate, he relented. 

“I give them all turns so my father doesn’t pay too much attention to the fact that I actually care for them for reasons other than killing. The only exception has been this past week which is why they’re very excited to see me.” he said quickly and fought back his embarrassment as Iris gave him a knowing look with a smile.

“I do not object to them joining us. They can be part of the pillow barricade.” she said, and Eris’s eye roll wasn’t forced this time.

“You won’t have that for too long though, will you?” he said, shooting her a look and Iris narrowed her eyes at him. 

“What makes you think that?” 

“All this blushing and smiling? You’re already deeply in love with me, wife.” he said and grinned at her snort. “I see it in your eyes, you want to take me right here, right now but we can’t traumatize my hounds.”

Iris let out a laugh and his own lips twitched as she stood again. “You really do live in a fantasy world, husband.” she said with a shake of her head. “Can we bring them along on the tour?”

“If you’re nice to me, I’ll let them join us in the evening.” he offered, and Iris narrowed her eyes once more at him. He only smiled.

Turning to the hounds still surrounding them, she gave them a sigh then said, “Your father is the worst.” 

Eris choked. “Father?”

“Isn’t that what you are?” she asked with a cheeky smile. 

“I — get out.” he ordered, pointing to the door and Iris laughed softly.

Ignoring his request, she turned to the hounds. “Until we come back for you again, I will miss you.” she cooed, and Eris watched her in absolute amusement as she leaned down and kissed each of them on the head. 

Nose in the air, she shoved past him and Eris stood blinking for a moment before chuckling. Turning to his hounds, he gave them a mockingly stern look. “We need to have a chat about how easily she won you all over.” he reprimanded but the hounds only woofed in response. 

As if to tell him, she’s easily winning you over too.

[aenaxes]

OMG ok for the 200 follower celebration (based on your smoking post) PLZZZ write sharing a spice blunt with cross or any batcher of your choosing I would simply die 😩💅🏻❤️

vapor trails

[crosshair & hunter x f!reader] you don't really run with the fett twins' crowd, but you find yourself at one of their parties anyway (in reference to this post lol)

warnings: college!au, recreational drug use, suggestive themes, but consent is sexy & mandatory & sober babes

w/c: 3.8k

a/n: anon, you ask for one batcher, but why not two? thank you for enabling me nonnie & @mallr4ts lol (im so sorry to all the previous requests for the event, this one has just been needling in my brain all day and i had to get it out hsdfs)

event details here! requests are open until july 4th!

You don’t know much about the Fett twins.

They’re something like campus legends even though they’re only a year your senior and at the tail end of their fourth years. But as much as you’ve heard their names slung around in weekend plans and excited chatter, you’ve never once met them, much less seen them yourself. Between idling class whispers and dining hall conversations, all you can piece together from the rumors is that: one, they’re from a big family (you’ve heard anywhere from two to twelve other brothers, yikes); and two, as much as they work hard (because the venture capital and pre-professorial tracks seem rigorous enough), they play even harder.

It helps that they apparently own one of the biggest apartments off campus, one in which you find yourself hopelessly and miserably lost. And overdressed.

Great.

It hadn’t occurred to you that your roommate, who is nowhere to be seen, had been dressing up for her girlfriend, and that most people who had half a mind would wear something comfortable that could withstand a few spilled drinks and ash. So seeing the rest of the room in rumpled tees and sweats has you and your little black dress seeking out the nearest wall as you fiddle with your questionably sweet cup of margarita mixer.

You feel like a first year, and it sucks.

But for once, with everyone too busy mingling amongst themselves over the heavy thrum of some mumble rap beat, you manage to slip by unnoticed.

Every now and then, you dart your eyes around the ever shifting landscape of faces in the dim room, looking for even the vaguest familiarity that might let you feign being tipsy and join a group for the night. But every time you try, there’s no luck.

Fuck, you haven’t even seen anyone here before.

But there might be a god watching out for you yet when the crowd shifts just enough that you catch sight of the couch, and on it, someone you suspect to be one of the twins as he greets a few girls with a disinterested nod.

Emboldened, but mostly nervous that in the crowd of bodies and red solo cups you’re still helplessly alone, you push off the wall and squeeze past huddled cliques of conversation to make for the dark couch.

By the platinum bleached hair and big-name consulting group quarter zip, Crosshair—at least you think it’s him—lounges over the couch. He isn’t the only body on the suede seats, but he keeps to himself, his head dipped low as he works one hand over a small metal canister in his other palm.

If you weren’t having luck with the other nameless faces around you, maybe the Fett twin would keep you company—at least until your roommate came back to find you (if she did). And worst case, you’d just slink back to your dorm and mope until your roommate apologized to you with your favorite overpriced smoothie bowl the day after.

Mustering every ounce of courage you have, you plant your feet by the couch and finally speak.

"Is your name actually Crosshair?" you ask.

The man on the couch pauses, his motions stilling over the small metal cylinder in his palms, and he lifts his chin just enough to flick his eyes up towards the sound of your voice.

You always thought the girls in your droning 9AM gen-ed were wildly exaggerating his hype for their own devices, squealing over his (apparently) brooding charm and sharp looks to nip at his stash for free. But for all the vague haze surrounding your perception of the twins, you never thought that they were telling the truth.

If you had been in broad daylight under the incandescent glow of your creaky lecture hall lights, you might have called him cocky, almost haughty, how he meets you with an unreadable look for having interrupted him. But in the purple LEDs and heavy haze of vape juice and shitty tequila, he’s captivating, all dark eyes and perfectly lit skin, marked only by the needle-thin design tattooed over the right side of his face and a worn wooden toothpick bitten between his teeth.

You swallow down the dry lump in your throat when you catch him flick his eyes from your face, down the short length of your dress, and back up again.

"Smoke with me; maybe you'll find out," he drawls, toothpick bobbing as he speaks. He twists the cylinder once and offers you a wry smirk. And when you stay, speechless but there all the same, Crosshair scoots to the side and pats the narrow space between him and the couch arm, inviting you close.

"I've never smoked before," you admit a bit shyly as you drop down beside him. Your dress hikes up your thigh, and you shiver when your skin presses up against the soft denim of his jeans.

"Not even cigs?"

You shake your head. And you tell yourself that when he leans close and brushes his shoulder up against your arm, that he’s only doing it because someone’s boosted the bass, and you can’t hear him over the reverb.

"Well, good thing I'm here, yeah?"

He gives the metal canister a final twist and sets it down on the coffee table before you. Swapping the canister for a small brown sleeve, you watch in a daze as he pulls a semi-transparent leaflet from the folder and tears a strip of cardstock straight from its flap. He has pianist fingers, you think wistfully, neatly kept nails and slender grace, and you wonder if he’ll entertain you if you ask to compare your hand to his.

“What’s your name?”

You scrabble back to the present at the sound of his voice. “Uh, y/n,” you offer.

“Well, y/n,” he says with a soft laugh, having caught on to your daydreaming. “Step one, you fold your filter.”

You nod along absently as Crosshair artfully crimps the thick paper into a neat roll. As if there isn’t thirty-some odd people crammed into his apartment, he quietly takes you step by step, offering you the filter, the paper, then the contents of the canister (a grinder, he explains) like it’s a game of show and tell. But with every piece he places into your hands, you gravitate closer, closer, until you’re flush against his arm and practically hanging over his side to watch as he gently taps a line of bud over the paper.

“Here, let me give you a better look,” Crosshair says.

You expect him to bring the neat line of bud to you, but when nothing comes, you look up and find him waiting for you, one arm open in invitation as the other pats once on the dark denim of his thigh.

“Uh—”

“Sit,” he says as if you haven’t just met him fifteen minutes ago. “Front row seats if you want ‘em.”

On one hand, you barely know Crosshair outside of the rumors you hear on campus. On the other hand, he’s a genuinely pleasant person, careful to accommodate for your boundaries and offering a snide playfulness that’s banished your nerves from earlier in the night.

He’s also really fucking hot.

“Okay,” you murmur, and you let him wrap his arm around your waist and tug you onto his lap. And he’s right. Perched over his thighs, you see with perfect clarity (and without the strain in your neck) as he gently folds the paper over the mound of bud and carefully twists. It’s the prettiest joint you’ve ever seen—though it might be because it’s the only one you’ve seen.

"Final touch," Crosshair's voice rumbles over your back, shooting straight into your core as he lifts the paper's vellum edge to your lips. “Lick it for me.”

Since you sat down with him, you’ve only been the passenger, nodding along as Crosshair’s long, nimble fingers creased over filter paper and patiently pointed out things like the stray pistils in his baggie and the keef gathered at the bottom of his grinder for if you really want to get fucked up. And even though you aren’t doing much (because licking paper doesn’t really seem too crazy), it’s a step forward from the comfortable rhythm that had settled between you, and you twist around in his lap to shoot him an uncertain glance.

“Just,” Crosshair flicks his tongue over his lower lip, flashing a brief glimpse of a ball piercing towards your wide eyes. And if you weren’t so flustered, you might have recognized the coy playfulness in his gaze. “Give it a lick, right over the edge.”

“I—uh, what if I—” you stammer.

“You’re not gonna mess this up, darling,” Crosshair chuckles. If his hand squeezing brief over your waist wasn’t enough to bring heat searing over the tops of your ears, his next words, crooned low and breathy into your ear, certainly do. “You’re a smart girl. You can do it.”

"My brother giving you trouble?"

Another voice cuts through the din of the party, sparing you your stammering nerves as you whip your head up in its general direction. You’re greeted with the sight of his brother, peering down on you as he takes a sip from his cup.

“You’re such a killjoy,” Crosshair mutters, drawing his arm tighter around your waist as he jabs the half-rolled joint to where Hunter sprawls down onto the couch beside him. “No, I’m not being a creep. I’m teaching our pretty underclassman here how to roll.”

Oh.

Heat rushes over your cheeks, and you can’t decide whether you want to shrink into yourself or bask in it and beg for more.

He called you pretty.

“With her in your lap,” Hunter snorts into his cup.

“It was your idea to invite your entire fucking rugby team. Where else would we do it?”

“I’m so sorry he’s like this,” Hunter laughs, tilting his head and looking up at you through his (unfairly) long lashes. Where you thought Crosshair’s tattoo was bold, Hunter’s practically blows him out of the water, a well-worn swath of ink on the left half of his face, curving into neatly stylized teeth right at the edge of his lips. “I’m Hunter.”

Huh, maybe you do have a thing for tattoos.

“Y/n,” you squeak. “It’s, um—it’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, sweetheart,” he says as he offers you an easy smile. “Has my baby brother been treating you right?”

“God, two fucking minutes,” Crosshair snaps. You hear the embarrassment seeping from the vitriol, and it strikes you like a shot to the head that he’s trying to play cool in front of you. “I come out two minutes after you and—”

“We’re fraternal, and I got all the oxygen in the womb. Explains why he has awful people skills,” Hunter fake-whispers loud enough for Crosshair to hear, and you giggle as the other man groans from behind you.

“No, he’s been really nice,” you say softly once you realize that you’ve been laughing a little too loud. “He’s teaching me about weed.” It sounds juvenile when you say it, awkward and clumsy on your tongue. It’s a dead giveaway that has Hunter’s smile mellowing into something soft.

“Your first time?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, Cross here’s high as shit at least four hours every day. Says it helps him do the math. I hate to say it, but you’re in good hands.”

“You try running a nonlinear regression sober,” Crosshair snorts. “Anyways, we were just finishing up this joint before you decided to kill the vibe.”

Crosshair lifts the half-rolled joint back up to your chin, and this time, he leans forward and presses his chest close against your back as the playful snark leaves his tone, in its wake, something patient and calm as his voice rumbles by your ear.

“You gonna help me finish the job, sweet girl?”

You surprise yourself when the initial trepidation vanishes as you tip your chin down and stick out your tongue. Maybe you’re showboating now that you have an audience, feeling Hunter’s dark eyes on your lips when you touch the tip of your tongue out over the edge.

Whether it’s your lip gloss or the fine crumbs of bud stuck to the roll paper that fills your mouth with something earthy and sweet, you can’t say. All you know is they’re both following you with that intense intent, the bass and blend of voices faded out around you; just you in Crosshair’s lap and Hunter pretending to care about the drink in his hand as you lift your tongue off the far corner of the paper and close your lips.

“Good job,” Hunter muses, and you’re pretty certain he’s not talking about the joint when you feel his gaze boring into you alone.

The smell of smoke pulls you out of Hunter’s gravity, and you look back in front of you to see Crosshair snap a scuffed metal lighter shut and toss it onto the coffee table. He brings the joint back down in front of you, blowing a neat stream of whitish gray smoke past your ear.

“You know how to pull?” Crosshair asks, and his chin brushes over your bare shoulder as he speaks. He’s so close. You can smell the burn, acrid and sour, but it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t smell like some bubblegum vape when you feel his breaths curling over your skin. You just want more.

Mutely, you shake your head.

“Mm, you know how to shotgun?” Hunter offers, and you hear Crosshair huff laugher from behind you. “Might be easier for your first try.”

You shake your head again.

“It’s,” Hunter pauses, and his brows knit close as he thinks for a moment. “It’s kind of like a kiss. But not really. I take a hit and you catch my smoke. That sound okay?”

You don’t think it matters that someone’s hit shuffle on the playlist, filling the room with a hard electronic beat that might have otherwise drowned out all sound. All you hear is your heart pounding in your ears as you nod and watch Hunter lift the filter to his lips and inhale deep, then pass the joint back to Crosshair.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, white trails of smoke curling over his upper lip as he lifts one hand to cup over the base of your neck.

“Open,” Crosshair whispers.

Wordlessly, you obey. Your lips part just as Hunter pulls close, so close you feel the heat of his skin spreading warm over your cheeks, and blows a soft stream of bitter smoke into your mouth. It can’t be more than a few seconds, but all the while, you can’t seem to tear your eyes from his.

“Breathe in, deep,” you hear Crosshair instruct as he begins to rub one thumb over the curve of your hip.

The smoke is thick, sluicing down your throat and filling your lungs like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It’s not bad, just new, and pressed between the twins over the couch, you think it just might have been worth being ditched by your roommate earlier in the night. But your lungs ache, and you slowly exhale, watching as your vision fogs with a loose cloud of smoke until your chest feels clear again.

“And you didn’t even cough,” Hunter smiles. His calloused fingertips follow the slope of your neck, lingering one moment more before he pulls away. And you aren’t sure if the low buzzing in your fingertips is the weed or their combined warmth as Hunter rubs over your knee and Crosshair leans his head against your neck. “Good girl.”

“Wanna do it again,” you whisper as the buzz begins to crawl up your neck, fizzling around your temples as you lean your cheek over where Crosshair nuzzles into your shoulder.

“With him or me?” Crosshair murmurs, his lips brushing over your skin.

“You,” you say dreamily, and Hunter laughs, a sound that suddenly seems so far away as you tip your head and press close against Crosshair’s silver hair.

Crosshair leans into your touch, pressing his cheek up against your neck one last time before he’s lifting his head and bringing the joint to his lips. You hear the hiss of his inhale, smoke curling up through the narrow body of the joint as the charred end glows warm beside you.

And instead of Hunter’s approach, level with you, Crosshair looms above you, meeting your wide eyes with something of a fond smile. Dragging his hand up your chest, he follows the line of your neck and holds snug over your chin. He squeezes softly, and your jaw falls slack, lips parted in a soft ‘o’ as he dips low. He's closer than Hunter as you feel his mouth just brush over yours and breathe smoke over your tongue.

This time, it’s easier.

You swallow down the smoke and hold, just a beat longer than before. But both Crosshair and Hunter notice as your lips stay parted, and they share a soft laugh that has you exhaling smoke and pride all at once when you finally relax your diaphragm and breathe out.

“Fast learner,” Crosshair muses, nosing up under your jaw as you sink back against his chest.

You mumble incoherently, chasing his touch as the high creeps heavy and warm from your chest to your collar and settles at the back of your throat. It anchors you, molding you up against Crosshair who feels nothing short of perfect as he circles his arms loose over your waist.

You turn your head to thank Hunter when you distantly register him pressing a cool cup into your hand (water, you think you hear him say), but the words slip back down into your throat, your eyelids suddenly unbearably heavy and coarse over your blurry vision.

“You wanna lay down?” Hunter offers, and his voice comes to you like you’re underwater, warped and bubbling past the din of the party around you.

You're pretty sure you nod.

For a few moments, you catch traces of an unintelligible exchange between the twins, only aware of the rumble of Crosshair’s voice at your back, and then you’re being lifted up off the couch, the music and raucous laughter fading behind you.

A door opens, squeaking half-shut, and you wince as a light clicks on beside you. Whoever was carrying you sets you down on something soft and cool, and you sway as the light dims and you settle into your seat.

You’re on a bed, you think.

Crosshair’s, judging by the shock of light hair that you can make out through your lashes. He helps you into a worn tee that reaches past the short hem of your dress, and you wiggle into it with a soft whine, holding it tight.

But where you expect a familiar weight to dip down next to you and pull you close, your eyes fly open when you see his figure turn away from you and towards the neon lights of the party outside.

“You aren’t staying?” It's the most coherent you've been through your first high.

“Not tonight,” Crosshair says softly. He turns back towards you and reaches up to fix the strap of your dress as you sit on his bed. “Baby’s first tokes got you all dopey. Right now, what you need is this,” and he presses a plastic bottle of vitamin water he’s seemingly produced out of nowhere into your palm. “This,” he adds, pressing your phone into your other hand. “And a good night’s sleep.”

“And what if I say I need you, too?” you pout.

Some part of you—the conscious part locked away in the back of your skull—bangs up against the hazy high at the crown of your head because when you’re good and sober and when Crosshair inevitably turns you down, you won’t be able to look at yourself in the mirror for the next semester.

But he breaks into a smile that crinkles at the corners of his eyes before he leans down to press his lips to your forehead. It’s just a split-second of warm, chapstick-soft lips on your skin, but it floods you with an indescribable good from the top of your head all the way down to your toes.

And as high as you are right now, you have a hell of a hunch that the flutter in your chest is going to stay, even when the room stops wobbling around you.

“When you’re all sobered up in the morning, we’ll make you breakfast, and we’ll figure it out from there,” Crosshair says after he’s pulled back, reaching up to smooth his palm over your hair. “Sound like a plan?”

You nod, probably with a little too much enthusiasm, but you’re rewarded with another low chuckle that’s practically music to your ears. His hand gentle and firm over your shoulder, Crosshair guides you down onto the bed and pulls the covers up to your chin.

“Now text your roomie so she doesn’t call the cops on us, get some sleep, and drink all of that, okay?”

“Okay,” you respond.

“Good girl.”

And when the lights click out, you curl into Crosshair’s pillow, breathing in cold, fresh notes of his cologne, and then you’re asleep.

You climb out of bed the next morning, your minidress rumpled under a long shirt. It's not like a hangover, no, you just find yourself a bit lightheaded and throat parched, and the disorientation makes your head spin as you’re greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and something savory—

Your roommate doesn’t wake up earlier than you, and she can’t cook for shit. And why were your sheets grey? Whose shirt were you—

Oh.

Fuck.

You practically burst out of Crosshair’s bedroom, and you’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you hadn’t expected to see Hunter sipping mildly on a mug of coffee while Crosshair pushes something around in a pan over their kitchen range.

“Mornin,’” Hunter offers you a small wave, and reaches for a third mug on the countertop. “Wasn’t sure how you liked your coffee so we just made it black.”

“What happened last night?” you gasp. If you weren’t so panicked, you’re certain the sight of them sporting nothing but grey sweats would have been your only concern, but you’ve just woken up with foggy memories and the slimy dread of anxiety that follows a blackout night.

“Easy, easy,” Crosshair assures you as he steps away from the stovetop. “Nothing happened after we smoked. You took, like, two hits, and you were so hazy you couldn’t remember your dorm number, so we put you to bed, and I slept out in the living room. Fetts are wild but we’re not scumbags, promise.”

And judging from the throw blanket sliding off the edge of the couch cushions, you’re fairly certain you can believe him. Relief floods your chest.

“Oh thank God,” you sigh, and your shoulders sag as the weight of panic sloughs off your back.

They both laugh softly, the sudden tension lifting from the bright morning light, and you can’t help but join in. And when that rosy relief gives way to silence again, it’s Crosshair who speaks next.

“So, you staying for breakfast?”

“Can I borrow some actual clothes first?”

“Done deal.”

[starshapedscars]

favorite crime (sokeefe)

MAJOR UNLOCKED SPOILERS! 

in which visiting keefe in the forbidden cities is sophie’s favorite crime

fluff & incredibly light angst *loosely based on favorite crime by olivia rodrigo*

♡     ♡     ♡

SOPHIE FOSTER tucked her registry pendant under her pillow, the same way she had every month for the last year. To be fair it probably wasn’t the smartest place to keep it, but if it made the council think she was at Havenfield, she didn’t care.

To be fair they owed it to her, for all she did in defeating the neverseen, but nevertheless making the trip to the forbidden cities was still highly illegal no matter who she was.

But she was always willing to make the trip for the ice-blue eyed boy who was always there waiting.

Despite the war being over, it still wasn’t safe for him to come home. He’d gained a remarkable control over his ability, but the rules he had broken were adding up to an extensive punishment in the eyes of the council. Sophie still advocated for his return the most she could, but it didn’t do very much.

So all she had was her impromptu, kinda-illegal visits.

To be honest, most of her friends knew, plus Grady and Edaline. Not that it mattered though, they’d never tell anyway.

Sophie made her way to the cliffs, and took a clarifying breath before she plunged into the void.

She reappeared in a city neighborhood, one of her favorite places to meet him. Where music and happiness poured throughout the apartment windows and into the streets. The streets of the city were busier today, Sophie had guessed it was a Saturday. She made her way down the street, smiling at the kids who raced past her, and the people walking down the sidewalk. She walked until she reached the football field, with the grass slightly overgrown and the years-old goal posts rusting.

There were dozens of kids playing, but one group stuck out to her. It was three kids tossing an old football with a tall blond boy, giggling and skipping as they surrounded him, tossing the ball back and forth.

Sophie stood a few yards away, watching the adorable scene unfold in front of her eyes.

When Keefe finally noticed her, he dropped the football, more focussed on the girl he could see then the game. One of the little boys picked up the ball and tugged on his hand.

Sophie smiled when she could hear their conversation.

“Is that your girlfriend?” The little boy asked as he looked back and forth between the two of them.

Keefe nodded. “Yeah.”

The little boy beamed a toothy grin. “She’s really pretty,”

Keefe laughed.  “I know,”

He made one final pass, before saying goodbye to the kids and sprinting over to Sophie.

“Hey, you!” Sophie called just before he reached her, scooping her up into a big hug.

Keefe grinned, pressing a soft kiss onto her forehead. “Missed you,”

Sophie pulled away to take a look at him. No matter how hard she tried, she could never get used to seeing him in human clothes, with his pullover and sweatpants.

“I still can’t get over how human you look!” she told him, giggling as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

Keefe rolled his eyes. “I’m hoping that’s not an insult, Foster.”

Sophie nudged him. “Of course not.”

He led them down the street, and they talked about what they’d been up to recently, as well as how things were back home.

“Any news about me coming home yet?” he questioned.

Sophie opened her mouth to say, yet she couldn’t find the words to tell him.

“Nothing is gonna change their minds, I guess.” Keefe guessed, releasing his arm around her shoulders to kick some pebbles off the side walk and into a patch of grass.

Sophie crossed her arms, and starred at her feet bashfully. “I’m sorry. I’m trying my best-”

“I know you are, Foster,” he sighed, stopping to make eye contact with her. “I just miss it a bit, y’know? Being home.”

Sophie nodded, stepping towards him to wrap his arms around him. “I’m going to keep trying, you know that right?”

Keefe chuckled at that, returning the squeeze, and resting his chin on her head. “Of course you will, it’s what you do,” he tilted her chin up. “And I’m very thankful you’re in my life, you know that?”

Sophie smiled, giving him a firm kiss as a response.

They continued down the street, trying to use as much of Sophie’s time as they could. Keefe took her to a local artists gallery where the owners had hung some of Keefe’s art, except under the name Feeke, an anagram to keep Keefe safe just in case (But made Sophie laugh nonetheless). Then they went to the park where they ate lunch. As they walked, Sophie laughed at just how many people waved to Keefe as they walked by. It looked like Keefe belonged, and that made Sophie smile. Even if her efforts to bring him home were stretching a little longer then she liked, at least Keefe was happy, or at least as happy as he could be.

Sophie got sadder and sadder as the time ticked by until it was time for her to go home, before someone back in the lost cities got suspicious.

“This isn’t goodbye, it’s just a see you later, you know that.” Keefe told her, taking his hands in hers.

“I know! It’s just hard knowing it’ll be three weeks until I can see you again.” She replied, angrily wiping at her eyes as a few tears came loose down her cheeks.

“Woah, no need to waste those tears on me,” he laughed, wiping her tears with his thumbs.

Sophie laughed, her heart swelling especially when she realized there were tears pooling in his eyes, too. “Hey,” Sophie exclaimed, pointing to the teardrops running down his face. “You’re not doing much better than me, Keefe,”

“Maybe not.” He sniffed. “But I don’t want you to worry about me, okay? I’m doing great here. Don’t waste too much of your time on me back home. You need to have more fun.”

Sophie shook her head, wiping more rebellious tears. “I can’t have fun if you’re not there.”

Keefe sighed, giving her the tightest hug he could. “It’s gonna be okay, Foster, pinky promise.”

Sophie looked up at him as he wrapped his pinky around hers. “How do you know what a pinky promise is?” she asked, in awe of his new-found human knowledge.

Keefe rolled his eyes playfully. “come on, get out of here before Grady tracks you down.”

Sophie backed away to the base of a tree to stay out of sight, before taking out her home crystal. “See you in three weeks!” she called.

“It’s a date, Foster!”

Keefe’s smile was the last thing she was before the light carried her away.

[thatgirlwithtoomanyships]

my favorite sophitz hcs for ur daily dose of the best ship in kotlc

sophie has a designated napping chair in fitzs room that she sleeps on after school

they have telepathic conversations whenever theyre bored in class which turns into competitions on who can distract the other the most or fitz trying to make sophie blush as much as possible

telepathy classes are both their favorite time of the day because they basically just talk for an hour straight

every five minutes one of them will burst into laughter or start blushing to which tiergan just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at

sophie finds out fitz can paint nails very well because biana and makes him paint her nails all the time

splotching matches become so competitive like very competitive

the gym has to be absolutely covered in mattresses in case of another brain push incident and elwin is there on standby

keefe collects bets from prodigies on who will win, biana sells pins that kids replace their family crests with for the entire day, and dex records the match so they can mock the loser by playing the video many, many times

they usually end up in a tie until one of them says something funny/distracting and they lose focus

the best match will always be when fitz teasingly calls her sweetheart and the splotch instantly hits sophie in the arm

she calls him a cheater and he laughs at her blushing face but its okay because when theyre about to kiss, sophie takes another splotch and dunks it on his head

OH AND fitz stands by her locker everyday since shes always late and hands her a baked good or a jug or coffee

speaking of baked goods, sophie cannot bake at all, at least in the elvin world (that one time she did was w Edaline and she mostly just watched her conjure things up)

apparently their deep connection and trust and them being the most powerful cognates, does not help them in baking

“What did you do?!!” “Nothing! I just put it in the oven at 350 degrees-“ “350?!? Are you insane, Soph?!” “What is it meant to be?” “Fifty!” “FIFTY?!”

even verdi would not eat it

but when theyre not burning the house down- i mean baking, they usually hang-out in fitz or sophies room, but most often they’re out by calla’s tree

fitz would be reading a book while sophie would be listening to music from her ipod

when they start having dancing classes for their school gala, sophie is her usual clumsy self so fitz offers to teach her while they sit outside

sophie would play music and they’d dance with their books scattered around them until the sun started to set and when she would laugh, fitz would spin her around and they realized that it wasn’t just the leaves from the tree that were falling anymore

the first time edaline spotted them she nearly fainted and quickly called grady to come over

he was just about to barge out of the house and get all over-protective when sophie leaned her head against fitz’s chest and closed her eyes. fitz just looked down at her adoringly, his teal eyes sparkling in the sunlight

Grady sighed and decided maybe it wasnt so bad that his daughter had another boy in her life that made her happy, even if the boy might make her happier than he did

THAT STILL DIDN’T STOP HIS DAD SPEECH FROM BEING VERY THREATENING THO

GRADY WAS SURE TO BRING IN THE FACT THAT HE WAS A MESMER MANY TIMES

sophie had never laughed harder than when she saw fitz come into her room after he talked with grady

“It’s not funny! I’m honestly shocked my echo didn’t start up again!” “You’re so pale you look faded!”

one funny day, sophie was so sleepy that she somehow accidentally put on fitz’s crest that he had forgotten at her house and she didn’t notice until he saw her and broke out into a grin

“So that’s where my other crest went.”

ALSO after many games and very quick wins, they are officially banned from playing base quest together on the same team

when shes serious or wants to annoy him, sophie uses fitz’s full name

“You wouldn’t, Sophie.” “You never know, Fitzroy.”

it leads to a lot of tickle fights but hey what can you do

fitzs favorite color is red because sophie looks very pretty in red and also because mr snuggles is red and mr snuggles reminds him of sophie who looks very pretty in red

[gay-otlc]

Perfect (Keefitz)

Summary: And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

(Alternatively: 4.5K words of Keefitz angst and about 100 of Keefitz fl*ff)

Trigger warnings: Internalized homophobia, cursing

Words: 4352

(Read on AO3)

Fitz Vacker is perfect.

His friends call him Wonderboy, and that's for a reason. He knows they're making fun of him when they say it, but he can't help but feel the smallest glimmer of pride when he hears the nickname. Maybe a bit more than that. Yes, people are making fun of him for being perfect. That still means they see him as being perfect.

And that's good. That's exactly how he wants it to be.

No, he corrects himself- not how he wants it to be. How it is. People don't just see him as perfect- he is perfect. (Or so he tells himself. But is he, is he really perfect? Or is he just lying, trying to convince himself. Convince everyone else.) Wonderboy is at the top of his class. He's passable at Base Quest and actually quite good at Bramble. Even though his father doesn't approve of the hobby, his talent at baking is undeniable. Every girl at Foxfire is in agreement that he's handsome, with bronze skin, teal eyes, and a smile that makes all of them swoon.

(He doesn't care how many girls like him. He's never liked any of them.)

And Sophie. He's a key member of the Black Swan, and he's Sophie's cognate. They're cognates. And everyone expects them to be a couple.

He's supposed to love her. He can't.

They would be a perfect couple, if only he could feel what he was supposed to.

He can't.

The point is, Fitz is perfect. He's sunshine, blue skies. Flawless. Golden.

Fitz Vacker is perfect. And he can't shake the feeling that perfection is a cage.

---

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect.

It's obvious from the very moment they meet. Keefe is too loud, too energetic, too obnoxious. He barely pays any attention in his classes and lands in detention every other day. Taking anything seriously seems to be impossible for him. Even his appearance, with messed up hair and the way he "forgets" his cape, reflect on his personality.

Alden disapproves immediately. Keefe would never be a good influence for Fitz, could get him in trouble, damage his reputation. Blah, blah, blah. He does make sense, too; Fitz is a Vacker, and he's the golden boy, so he can only be surrounded by the best. Which likely doesn't include Keefe. But after one conversation with that boy, he finds himself inviting him over to Everglen after school.

After that, they're inseparable, no matter what Alden says.

And Keefe is still far from perfect. He hides everything in jokes and spends too much time obviously crushing on Sophie. (A fact that gives Fitz a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He isn't sure why; maybe it would be weird if two of his best friends started dating?) Keefe's mom is part of the Neverseen and the council banished him to Exillium and he makes reckless decisions.

Odds are, Keefe is a ticking time bomb, and Fitz needs to get away. That's what his brain tells him to do. Then, Keefe tells him Lord Cassius's theory on head and heart emotions, and something clicks. In his head, he wants Keefe gone. In his heart, he needs Keefe to stay.

Shit, he thinks.

Keefe is anything but perfect. He's a hurricane, a natural disaster. Flawed. Broken glass.

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect. And Fitz cares about Keefe way to much to ever let it come between them. Shit.

---

Fitz nearly dies once, a time most people have forgotten about. He remembers it perfectly.

It's soon after he, Sophie, Dex, Biana, and... Keefe, though Fitz doesn't yet know why he has the ellipses, run away to join the Black Swan in Allavuterre. When they break into Exile to visit Prentice, and the Council comes to stop them. It's the most stupid way to nearly die, but a giant bug stabs Fitz. An arthopleura, eight feet tall and full of poison, stabs him.

And he nearly dies.

Even though he doesn't have a photographic memory, the time plays out perfectly in his mind- everything suddenly aches, he can barely breathe and the world swims before his eyes. His brain feels foggy, clouded by the poison. Through the fog, he can only think of one thing. A name, that he clings to like a lifeline.

And it should be Sophie's name. It should be Sophie's name. He's usually perfect enough to keep control of his thoughts, make sure he wants the right thing and doesn't spend too much time ever longing for the wrong thing.

In his poisoned state, that sort of control is gone, and all he can think of is what he actually wants.

Keefe.

The name echoes in his mind, over and over. When he feels himself only at his last point of consciousness, Keefe's name is still repeating, but he doesn't remember what it means.

Who's Keefe? he thinks.

A memory tickles at the back of his mind. Keefe... he... I... I think I'm in love with him.

He gives into the poison, consciousness gone.

---

When he wakes up, his head still feels foggy and slow. Keefe's name is still there, and it doesn't take long for the rest of Fitz's memories to come slotting into place. I think I'm in love with him.

Where the fuck had that thought come from?

Fitz isn't in love with Keefe. He can't be. He isn't. Fitz is the perfect Vacker, the golden boy. He's going to marry someone on his match list that his father approves of, and then he's going to further the Vacker family name and not dishonor generations of Vackers before him. He'll continue being perfect, something that can't happen if he loves Keefe. Because Keefe is so far from perfect, nothing like anyone those generations of Vackers want him to marry. He's chaotic and disobedient and, well, a boy.

If Fitz is to be perfect, he can't like Keefe.

And he will be perfect.

No, he is.

---

His friends come in, full of concerns and well wishes. Keefe comes in carrying Mr. Snuggles, and thought he's laughing at Fitz, all Fitz can think about is how cute his laugh is, how Keefe hasn't smiled in so long and he's so happy that Keefe is happy. Keefe lights up Fitz's world, and after a bug-induced realization, Fitz notices that Keefe is... well, really hot.

Don't think about that.

Eventually, the rest of his friends leave, and Livvy gives him various elixirs. Della and Biana stay behind, but eventually, Livvy and Della have to talk about something, and he's left alone with Biana.

Biana smirks. "Does Fitzy have a crush?"

His face burns. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please," she scoffs. "You've been making heart eyes ever since our friends came in. Spill."

"I don't- I'm not-"

"Fitz, you're a terrible liar. Come on, just admit you like Sophie."

Sophie. Yes, he likes Sophie. Sophie is the Moonlark, the most powerful elf; just who the perfect Vacker boy should like. She's pretty, and she's a girl, and she's just as perfect as he is. They're meant to be together.

---

"Yes," he lies. "Fine. I like Sophie. I realized it after almost dying. Happy now?"

"Very."

"But don't... don't tell her." Fitz knows that Sophie has a crush on him; no matter how hard she tries to keep it a secret, it's fairly obvious. He doesn't want her thinking that he likes her, though, because then they'd have to date, and he wouldn't like her. Well, he likes her a lot, but not like that. He likes her enough to not lead her on like that.

Biana gives him a strange look. "You know she likes you, right?"

Shit. Now he has to think of a lie, and as Biana pointed out, he's not good at lying. "I'm... I don't really want a relationship right now. While we're dealing with the Neverseen and all that. I kind of just want to wait, and I'm worried Sophie will take that as I don't like her."

He feels Biana's eyes on him for a long time, but she finally nods. "Makes sense. I'm gonna go... get some sleep, Fitz."

When she leaves, he feels like he can finally exhale. He was nearly caught with a crush on Keefe Sencen, of all people. He managed to lie and divert the attention to Sophie... but that was fucking hard.

It shouldn't be hard. He should forget all about Keefe right now, before he falls in deeper, and like Sophie instead. That's what he has to do, to be perfect again.

And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

---

As the world continues on, with a mess of Neverseen attacks and near death experiences and drama with their friends, Keefe Sencen never fucking leaves Fitz's head. His stupid smirk and stupid Hair and stupid, stupidly imperfect beauty. He's so stupidly funny and caring and brilliant, and oh, Fitz is so stupidly in love.

It's infuriating.

And yes, he's well aware it's kind of an asshole move, but ever since he recovered from the bug stabbing incident and the feelings for Keefe didn't go away, he's been avoiding him. Every second he spends with Keefe makes him fall even deeper in love. And as he falls deeper in love, he comes closer and closer to falling off his throne.

He can't risk that.

Even strained conversations are difficult. Fitz feels something he can't name, a combination of fury and frustration and love bubbling up in his chest, and he sometimes thinks he'll explode if he doesn't scream it. I'm in love with Keefe. I'm in love with Keefe.

But he can't scream it. So he'll just have to stay away.

Keefe thinks he's jealous, that he and Sophie have something going on, because he thinks Fitz likes Sophie. Fitz is jealous whenever Keefe and Sophie are together, it's true. He wishes he were jealous of Keefe. It's safer to have him believe that. Safer to stay away.

It kills him.

But he can't have both Keefe and perfection, and he's chosen perfection.

---

The perfection he wants (this isn't what he wants, he wants Keefe, he's never wanted this) comes in the form of Sophie Elizabeth Foster and a walk through Everglen. They're discussing matchmaking, dangerous territory- and then the danger becomes real, tipping Fitz into the deep end of a conversation he'd rather avoid.

Sophie starts crying. He's not an idiot; he knows why.

Because she thinks he'll never like her.

(And she's right. He can't like her. He can't like girls.)

Before he can think it through, the words are out of his mouth: "I want it to be you," he blurts. "I want it to be you. On my match list." It's not a lie. He wants her on his match list, and him to be on hers, so they can be matched, and together... and, well, married, as horrifying as that thought is. Married to Sophie. Together for eternity.

(That sounds like a nightmare. He loves her, but not like that. The mere thought of spending eternity together feels like he's already trapped. Caged within perfection.)

He wants to want Sophie like that. And that means he wants her, right?

(He wants Keefe.)

This is what he wants, he reminds himself, as he leans towards her, ready to kiss. He'd never admit it to anyone, but when they're interrupted by Silveny, he's overwhelmingly relieved.

No he isn't.

This is what he wants.

---

He's relieved again when he and Sophie break up. And terrified. She was his safety net, and now, when he falls for Keefe, nothing is going to catch him. Then, he regrets feeling any bit of relief- what kind of boyfriend does that make him?

A gay one.

That's what he is, isn't he? He's not perfect. He's gay. And he thought it would go away. It hasn't. It isn't going to. He's gay, he's gay for Keefe Sencen, and he'll never be perfect. Never be fucking perfect. Unless he pushes the feelings down until he forgets about them. Unless he never tells anyone. Unless he bites his tongue and marries a woman and does everything exactly right. Never slips up. Convinces himself, and everyone else, that he's... normal.

Not just normal.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

His plans to repress all Keefe-related emotions fails horribly within a few days. Keefe, the fucking idiot, manages to get himself in a coma, and now Fitz doesn't know whether he'll wake up, and dammit, even ignoring Keefe was better than this. 

He just wants Keefe back, even if it'll be harder to be perfect.

---

The universe rewards him, the time he spends by Keefe's bedside whispering I'll stay away from him, I won't fall in love, I'll forget all about him, if he can stay alive works, or maybe it was just luck. Either way, Keefe is awake.

At first, he has no idea what to feel. Overwhelmingly happy, for one. It's hard to push that down.

He's your best friend. It's normal to feel happy about your best friend not dying. It's fine. This is fine. You're fine.

You're still perfect.

Then, everything spirals very quickly, and it turns out Keefe's mother- shit, Fitz hates her- has managed to ruin everything once again. Fantastic. Now Keefe is scared of himself, and if Fitz is being honest, he's a little scared... but then again, he was always scared of Keefe, wasn't he? Scared of how his laugh made Fitz feel like he'd won a million lusters and how he could be so imperfect yet so wonderful and how sometimes, Fitz thought maybe, it'd be worth it to not be perfect, as long as they could be together.

And scared of how he can't stop thinking about Keefe, so he buys flowers- fucking flowers- and goes to visit him at Elwin's house.

Elwin opens the door. He glances at Fitz, then the flowers, then Fitz again, and smiles knowingly. Fitz wants to shrink into a hole, knowing that Elwin knows- or even suspects- his secret, that he's so far from perfect. Elwin doesn't think of it as a bad thing, though. It's still terrifying. "Keefe is in his room," he says. Fitz nods, not trusting his voice, and walks up the stairs.

---

Keefe opens the door. "Elwin, I said I'd- you're not Elwin."

"Not unless something very confusing just happened, no," Fitz agrees.

"What are you doing here?"

Fitz swallows. "I came to check on you," he says. Then he holds out the flowers. "And to give you these." Keefe stares at the flowers for a long time, long enough to make Fitz extremely uneasy. Oh why did I do this, this was so stupid, Keefe thinks it's stupid, it obviously is, and now Elwin knows, or at least suspects, and maybe Keefe suspects too, and why am I such a fucking idiot? But Keefe takes the flowers eventually.

"Thanks."

The word is clipped, not particularly grateful, but Fitz lets his eyes meet Keefe's and he seems sincere. "No problem." Awkwardly, he shuffles his feet. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm alright, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay." When Fitz nods, Keefe gives a small smile. "How about you? I heard you and Foster broke up."

Truth be told, Fitz had nearly forgotten about that, which didn't bode well for his whole Yes, I definitely like girls act he was trying to do. "I'm... I think it was the right decision for us. Can I tell you a secret?" he blurts, the last sentence not planned. He hopes Keefe will say no, but of course he says yes, so Fitz swallows. "I don't think I ever liked her, really. I mean, I like her a lot. But not like that. Never like that. I've never liked a girl like that."

Instantly, Fitz regrets specifying a girl, but that was the only way to keep it truthful. Despite that, he regrets not lying as he watches Keefe connect the dots. "You like me, don't you?" Before Fitz can say anything, really even register the question, Keefe continues "It's not bad if you do. In fact, it's good, because I... I like you. A lot. Like that. So it's okay to tell me if you like me. And I promise I won't tell anyone unless you're alright with it."

Fitz nods. Almost in a whisper, he answers "I like you. I... I really like you, so much, so much it physically aches, but Keefe, I can't. You know I can't."

A look Fitz can't quite decipher comes over Keefe, a mixture of pain and anger and joy and... determination. "Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, before cupping Fitz's face. Even before their lips touch, Fitz knows it's so unlike the times he and Sophie almost kissed. This time, it feels exactly right.

It feels perfect.

That word, that fucking word, draws Fitz back abruptly away. "I can't," he repeats, taking a step back towards the door. Twists the doorknob. "I can't. I'm sorry, Keefe, but I can't."

Keefe nods. "I know. You have to be perfect." He doesn't sound angry; just resigned.

"I have to be perfect," Fitz agrees, and he leaves.

---

Once again, the world continues on. Keefe slowly begins trusting himself around other people again. Fitz still doesn't trust himself around Keefe. If they're too close for too long, he thinks he might just disregard everything and kiss him again. He thought it was hard before, but after he knows who fucking wonderful it is to kiss Keefe, it's nearly impossible. Keefe is like a drug, and Fitz has to do everything he can not to relapse.

So he stays away.

They fight the Neverseen a few more times. Nearly die once or twice. Elwin basically adopts Keefe. He and Sophie work to rebuild their trust as cognates, but it's hard, because now he's keeping such a big secret.

I never liked you.

I don't like girls.

I'm gay.

I like Keefe.

I kissed Keefe once.

He can't tell her any of that. Can't tell anyone. Keefe is the only person who knows, and even that is far too many people. He has to trust that Keefe won't tell anyone- though Keefe doesn't have as much to lose from it, it can't be good for him either. And Sophie... she's a really good friend, but he still... he can't. He just can't.

Even as their friendship repairs itself, they never date again. He's glad.

And disappointed.

Because he really needs a safety net, now more than ever.

---

Alden convinces him to get a match list, one without Sophie on it. One with a hundred girls, each one of them someone he can never love. Maybe he'll find one he likes well enough. And he can pretend to love her until he's convinced everyone, including himself. A new safety net.

A new mask of perfection.

He throws a Winnowing Gala then, mostly for the food. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to just eat the whole time. He has to dance with people, talk to them, hope to find some sort of spark. It never comes, of course. When he first met Keefe first, he knew that boy would be bad for him, but he couldn't stay away. Every moment talking to him felt like electricity. This is just... dull.

It's nearly torture.

Also, it's what the rest of his life is going to be like.

Fitz already knew perfection was a cage. He chose the cage instead of Keefe. Now he's living with the consequences. This was his choice, and he made his choice, but it's still... so hard. It feels like he's suffocating.

---

"I need some fresh air," he chokes out to the girl he's dancing with now. He can't even remember her name. She's nice, but nothing like Keefe. All of these girls blend together, because none of them are Keefe, and he's too focused on surviving the next few hours to concentrate on any of them.

Without waiting to here her response, he stumbles outside.

"Fitz?" a voice asks. He groans. Keefe. Why did it have to be Keefe?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too. I came to pine as you chose a girl to marry, of course. Didn't expect you to come outside."

Fitz groans, burying his head in his hands. "Sorry to snap at you. I just..."

"You hate this. You hate this so much."

"How do you know?"

"Empath. Also, I know you," Keefe says. Fitz sighs. They fall silent for a long time, but finally, Keefe speaks again. "I still... I can't stop thinking about the kiss. It feels like forever ago, and I still sometimes feel your lips on mine like some sort of phantom. All I can do is think about kissing you again. I really want to kiss you again. I... I really want you." He takes a breath, then resumes, cutting off whatever Fitz was about to say. "But I know. You can't. I understand."

"I... it doesn't feel like I can. At all. But..." Fitz took a deep breath, gesturing at Everglen. "I can't do this either. I can't keep doing this, pretending to be perfect."

Keefe tilted his head to the side. "Fitz?"

"I'm done pretending," Fitz said, and he kissed Keefe once again.

Perfect.

---

When they finally separate, Keefe's ice blue eyes are wide, pupils dilated. "That was... incredible." He touches his fingers to his lips, never taking his eyes off Fitz. Fitz can't see himself, but he's sure he looks just as lovestruck. He's wanted this for years, and finally, finally...

"I want to tell people," Fitz says, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears. He didn't plan to say that, but repeats it. "I want to tell people about... about us."

"You know there's no going back after that," Keefe says, the beautiful smile on his face widening anyway.

Fitz nods. "I know. I don't want to go back. I told you, I'm done pretending."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He pauses. "Unless you don't want to?"

After a quick kiss that makes little fireworks go off in Fitz's head, he smiles again and says "No, I want to. Do you know what you're going to say?" Fitz shakes his head. "Just making it up as you go along. That works. Honestly, the best way to do things. Can I come in with you?" In response, Fitz takes Keefe's hand in his and squeezes it. "Great. Let's go."

With every step Fitz takes, he knows his time being perfect is running out. He's never been happier.

---

"I want to thank you all for coming tonight," Fitz says, waiting for the room to fall silent from the talking and laughing and music. While he waits, his eyes meet Keefe's. His boyfriend's. Keefe smiles, and he gives a tentative smile in return. His stomach flips with anxiety, and doubts of Do I really want to do this? start to creep back in. He briefly closes his eyes and lets the memory of the kiss wash over him, and it's the only thing to get them to go away.

Distantly, he hears a girl whisper-scream "Is he about to propose to someone?"

He clears his throat and continues. "I've really enjoyed getting to speak of all of you and get to know you. Unfortunately..." he swallows. "None of you... my perfect match. There's nothing wrong with any of you, and if I could be attracted to any of you, I would have some good options to choose from. But... I'm not attracted to girls. Any girls. At all."

Behind him, he hears his father hissing "Fitz, what are you doing?"

"Let him finish," his mom murmurs, voice low.

After letting his eyes drift back to Keefe, he takes a deep breath and blurts it out to the entire room. It's been bubbling up in him for so long, with no one knowing, and by tomorrow, everyone in the Lost Cities will know. That's terrifying. But strangely liberating. No more pretending. "I'm gay."

"Fitzroy," his father snaps, instantly. "Stop talking at once."

"No."

"Fitzroy Avery Vacker-"

"No," Fitz repeats, meeting Alden's eyes and ignoring every voice of wisdom telling him to look away. "No. I'm done pretending. And I'm done being perfect. I'm gay, and I'm in love with Keefe, and you're just going to have to fucking deal with that."

---

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks over to Keefe, collapsing into a hug. "I'm proud of you," he hears in a whisper.

"That was terrifying," he breathes.

"I know. But it's going to be okay."

Fitz tangles his hands in Keefe's stupidly beautiful hair and meets their lips in another earth shattering kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Wonderboy."

Things won't ever be perfect again. Alden and Della divorce, and though neither of them says it, Fitz knows it's his fault. Keefe's father is furious, which he knows upsets Keefe even though he lives with Elwin now. Some elves are supportive, and some even come out after Fitz- including Sophie and Biana, who have apparently been dating for months- but other elves whisper about the gay Vacker boy, and how unfortunate it is for the family. The Council has been arguing for months about whether or not Fitz should be allowed to be matched with Keefe. Fighting the Neverseen is still a necessity, and they keep getting hurt.

Things won't ever be perfect again. Fitz won't be "perfect" again.

But it doesn't matter whether he's perfect. He's happy.

[bookwyrminspiration]

What do you think Keefe’s exact ability is? And what are the exact differences between his ability, mesmerizing and beguiling?

I'm gonna answer this a little in reverse. The difference between Mesmerising and Beguiling is that Mesmers only control someone's physical actions, but the person stays fully conscious and aware of themself. Think Edaline telling Grady off as he controls her, and Brant arguing back while he burned off his hand. Beguiling, conversely, is a subtle influence only of people's emotions to prompt them to do things of their "own" will.

I think Keefe, based on what we've seen, is somewhere between these two. It sounds like he's directly commanding someone both physically and emotionally via emotions (his tone). He commanded everyone in the healing center to "numb", and their emotions turned off. He commanded the triplets to "stop", and they both physically froze and stopped feeling emotions. He commanded Ro to "sleep", and she was out--she was asleep so we don't know her emotional state, but my guess was her emotions would've been "asleep" too.

His ability is theorized to be a merging of empathy, polyglotism, and conjuring, so using that terminology we could describe it as: based on the emotions he experiences and senses, he uses his affinity for words and tone to conjure (which is instantaneous) an emotional and physical (as emotions are also a physical response) response in his target.

I don't know if that description makes a lot of sense, but it's how I've been understanding it as I read :)