#bc i disagreed HARD on some edits and wrote out some Thoughts i was having about the way my agent was reading one of the characters

[aritany]

y'all.... i'm supposed to go on sub tomorrow👀

[angelhummel]

First time of watching, I didn’t mind Schue - he was an ass, but so were most of them. But now I rewatch it all, and especially seasons 4 and 5, and I cringe. Some of it is bad editing, or bad storylines or not knowing how to bring him in, but he just becomes repetitive and unnecessary. And the way they picture him laughing at the kid’s antics on stage, and rushing onto stage to sing with them - I just feel second hand embarrassment . The kids could probably have run their own glee club without him. Yet end of every season , he gets glorified by the kids. Cringe.

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Ugh okay first of all. Honestly I don't think Mr. Schuester was that much of an asshole for the first one, maybe two seasons. I just think he was a big dumb idiot. But it kinda worked. Like he's working hard, he's starting a new phase in his life (trying to run a successful glee club). He's young, he's still trying to find himself. He's being gaslit, gatekept, and girlbossed by his lying and manipulative wife. He just wants his perfect little nuclear family, and anything outside of that, he sometimes misses bc of his severe tunnel vision. I feel like there's a lot to work with

I understand him being a hot mess in s1. Like focusing mostly on Finn bc he's projecting his own childhood crap, and getting steamrolled by Rachel bc it's her way or the highway. And I feel like they maybe sort of half way attempted to at least TRY for him to get better at that come s2. Switching things up and highlighting other talent in the club - letting Brittany and Mike have a dance, Fabrevans have a duet, and Santana have a solo. But that was literally a one time only deal and immediately after was a return to the same boring formula with no thoughts head empty

And then s3. Holy fucking shit s3. It was such a fucking trainwreck setback for EVERYONE but especially Mr. Schue. Like I get that teaching Spanish might not have been his big amazing one true passion. But he was at least competent at his job. And then they just make him a fucking moron who doesn't know his ass from his elbow

And yes, the kids totally could've handled things without him. We see everyone have to sit him and Finn down in 4x16 and give them a lesson of the week cause they're acting like idiots. And then in 4x17 Blam basically take over the club and run it themselves. No Schue in sight, nor was he needed

And it's obvious that they TRIED to start phasing him out. Something about going to some higher ups to petition for more funding for the arts in schools?? And then Cory died. And then Mr. Schuester had to be written back in bc Finn was no longer there to take over the glee club like he was supposed to. And then they constantly wrote in all these lame ass jokes about how Schue is stuck in his career and failing in life and "Why are you even still here??" and I fucking hate it since he's there bc one of your actors fucking died and you had to write around it. Why are you constantly acknowledging it in such a stupid and unfunny meta way

Idk he's no longer my least favorite main character. I can tolerate him a little better now. But goddamn he's so fucking stupid and they literally never made him better. It's so hard to watch more often than not

send me your unpopular opinions!

[mag200]

I know this is not primarily a Hobbit blog, but the book was antisemitic ("greed" is always a loaded term for any character in a race based on Jews, no matter how anyone tries to justify it) and the movie fantasy mental illness was no better (having him die right after getting better and it resulted in a lot of memes just demonizing it for a joke). It is really hard to get people to care when the canon is treated as an untouchable thing.

hello. i generally agree with this. the hobbit book was insensitive toward harmful Jewish stereotypes, something tolkien attempted to rectify in lotr (the difference between dwarf characterizations in the hobbit vs. lotr is huge, and reflects a conscious change of heart on his part, but given that he is very long dead it’s hard to get a concrete opinion from him). here is another anon that discussed this with me before EDIT: it’s worth noting that while tolkien lacked an understanding of harmful Jewish stereotypes, he absolutely hated nazis and literally fought against them in war. so. we can and should criticize areas where he fell short, but remember where he did not.

the movies, made in modern day, could have done better with this, but they didn’t. i have talked before about how the studios involved had a big hard on for elves and didn’t give a shit about dwarves; there were a lot of problems in the making of the hobbit movies that resulted in a pretty shitty trilogy that couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. (i also made a joke post here about how thorin’s mental illness was handled, which, to clarify, is absolutely a joke post)

fantasy mental illness is probably a trope at this point and i think one that deserves some attention because it tends to be uhhhh.... pretty yikes. i’m not sure why people making up their own magical worlds seem to consistently decide that therapists aren’t allowed to exist (correction: i know why, it’s bc NT people love to use us for drama) but it’s unfortunate. the hobbit movies are no exception to this, but i feel it is less out of malicious intent and more out of... all the fucking multi-studio problems that were going on, and no one having a clear visual for what the hobbit movies were supposed to be (like seriously, was it supposed to be a whimsical adaptation of a beloved children’s book? or an epic prequel follow-up to the grand story of lotr? it couldn’t be both, but they sure did try to make it both).

i disagree with you that it’s hard to get people to care about this - i’m no longer active in the hobbit fandom or the discourse, but when i was, meta posts were EVERYWHERE about how to navigate the dragon sickness arc. with any fandom there’s a 1% rule where there will be people who suck, and who love to engage with harmful tropes uncritically, and they tend to be the loudest people. however, i will say that most of my hobbit mutuals were some of the most thoughtful and considerate people who wrote meta posts and fanfictions with nuanced thinking. the dragon sickness as a parallel to mental illness doesn’t HAVE to be bad, and i think a large percentage of the fandom is aware that canon (both the book and the movies) handled it poorly, but we try to do better. what fandom overall has done with thorin’s characterization is actually beautiful. some posts i really like that highlight this: 1 2

again, i don’t really go here anymore, but i recommend following @avelera for some really great and thoughtful hobbit content (seriously, go thru their meta tag)

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[yhchanwoo]

hi! i’m very happy to be joining yangcheon (even if it was an impulse decision) & i look forward to learning about all of the characters here! i’ll be writing for kang chanwoo, the kang family’s youngest child and (former?) cello prodigy. i have his stats here, a few plot ideas here (will add more eventually) and a collection of info below the cut. like this post if you’re interested in plotting with us!

TW INSECTS! chanwoo has always been the typical ~weird~ kid. obsessed with horror and unsettling history, comfortable with picking giant bugs up in his bare hands, brave enough to go explore that haunted place you always hear of......... having said that, he’s one of the biggest sweethearts you’ll ever meet. END TW!

didn’t think he was going to go into classical music because it was just........ really boring to him, but then he discovered how eerie and dark the cello can sound and he was like yo...... maybe classical music is cool. as you could expect, he was awful at first, had to endure a lot of criticism & doubt, especially from his teachers who wanted him to focus on school and leave music to his parents bc he was genuinely quite smart. but he kept at it, worked really hard to be on par with his family musically.

known for performing really intense, moody pieces at recitals. he’s..... still quite intense off the stage, but he’s a lot more light-hearted and bright than strangers would assume! has always struggled to fit in with others, but he never stops trying!!!! will be kind to absolutely anyone, no matter how you treat him. might catch a lil attitude every now and then, but honestly, who doesn’t?

as the youngest in the kang family, you could say that he feels a bit obligated to be the bright and happy one. of course, before the accident, this happiness was usually genuine anyway so all he had to do was show it! he was never the elegant musician he was expected to be, always really clumsy, loud, painfully honest. wanted to live a fulfilling life and make tons of people happy in the process. has a huge heart and will love anyone who will let him. even loved his mom a TON in the past despite her constant attitude and strict parenting. thought life was so much better than what others made it out to be. rly naive, gullible, would believe anything (still will tbh). of course, it’s not like he’s had the ~best~ life and his view of the world has become quite dark in the past year but u know. he’s still capable of being that hopeful kid again, he’s just struggling a lil rn.

was accepted into yangcheon university as a musical performance major, but then he lost his dad (see kang family’s history) & kinda......... lost all confidence he had in music, began to break down when he even thought of LOOKING at his cello again. it’s currently hidden under a bunch of old blankets. anyway! now he’s an undecided major who skips class more often than not. doesn’t even skip to be rebellious bc he’s a Good Kid(tm), just does it bc school is exhausting nowadays. obviously he’s real impressive.

the rumor about him practicing (dark) magic...... does he know his way around a tarot deck? yes. does he collect rocks/stones? yes. is he obsessed with the phases of the moon? yes. does he have candles that COULD be used for spells? yes. does he make odd trips into the woods/secluded places with suspicious bags? yes. is he sometimes seen with strange books? yes...... but! he does NOT practice dark magic!!!! probably has no idea that that’s going around since he hardly talks to anyone these days. would explain his behavior if anyone asked (maybe).

like i mentioned before, he likes the cello for how dark and creepy it can be,,,,,,,, but make no mistake. this mf used to be obsessed with the cello. he definitely knows a bunch of taylor swift covers. every time he heard a song he liked, he’d start thinking about how to play it on the cello. probably embarrassed his parents sometimes.

TW INSECTS! really likes bugs. i mean........ he LOVES them. all of ‘em. has kept various kinds of bugs as pets in the past, would probably have some rn if he was capable of taking care of them but with where he’s at mentally, he’s not even properly taking care of himself, so....... maybe later. anyway, he also really likes the simpsons and used to make everyone call him bart as a joke. some of his nicknames are bart, buglord bart, bart the bug boy and just buglord/bug boy. END TW!

also likes photography a lot. he’s not that good at it, but he likes to fuck around with old film cameras or just those cheap disposable cameras. he collects a bunch of pics that don’t have any real subject/meaning, he just thinks they look cool. let him look at your/your family’s photo albums/photo bins/whatever and he’ll be SO happy.

really into history in general. all kinds of history. the story of how u got that one scar, what used to be where that strip mall is now, what a certain area was like five hundred years ago. has briefly considered being a historian but idk he’s still kinda holding onto hope that maybe one day his cello won’t seem so threatening.

thinks overalls are super cool and anyone who disagrees is just a hater. 60% of his wardrobe is overalls + oversized sweaters, 10% is dad hats + bucket hats, 15% is colorful high-top sneakers and the other 15% is things he bought bc of trends or suits for recitals.

likes cold weather and halloween, so this time of the year is usually ~heaven~ for him but he’s really sad rn so he’ll probably just be chillin in his room wearing some too-expensive costume that he ordered online for the lols.

edit bc i wrote this before the event was posted: perhaps he’ll be out and about, grooving around town for the first time in months. match costumes with him........ go trick-or-treating even tho u’re adults..... get a sugar high...... he’ll appreciate it so much. u have no idea.

plays acnh for the serotonin (and the cool bugs).

[legumelupin]

FINE

So with the el*ct*on happening today and the impending doom I feel, I’ve been listening to fine by Mike Shinoda (highly recommend the song and the artist, he’s my fave) on repeat and most of the words are the same verse to verse and chorus to chorus so I wrote this quick little fic to deter my attention and channel my energy into something that wasn’t news media. It’s kind of angsty but it’s a bit hopeful at the end. and everything will be fine for Harry Sirius and Remus. At least in my book it will be canon can suck it. 

There’s some mentions of dying but nothing explicit, everyone lives bc no one dies in my book. There’s also some questioning of reality so you have been warned!

Not edited or proofread!!! Please enjoy!! 

~

Tell all the children to lock those doors

I've seen the smoke in the sky before

Gotta be up on my feet when the morning comes

‘Cause this fight we can't ignore

“No, they’re too young to be inducted into the Order, they’re not of age!” Molly Weasley shrieked. “They’re children, this doesn’t concern them!”

“I very much have to disagree with you there, Molly,” Sirius bit out harshly and the woman had the grace to look affronted. Anyone who said that the warning signs of war weren’t there was stupid beyond comprehension. But anyone who said that it didn’t concern the kids was even stupider, especially when it came to Harry Potter.

“Well, they still don’t have to be present for meetings! They have school to worry about!” she retorted and Sirius rolled his eyes, his expression grim and annoyed. 

“I remember being in school and worrying that my best friends would be murdered over the summer. I remember being in school and hearing the cries of war and reading about the tragedies in the Prophet so pardon me if I think it’s a load of bollocks to think they aren’t thinking about what’s happening out there. Especially not the kids living here right now,” Sirius shot back, just barely holding in his snarl. 

The kitchen fell silent at that. The meeting for the Order had ended some time before leaving Sirius, Remus, Molly and Arthur Weasley, and Tonks for the night. It was a tense meeting to begin with seeing as Snape had shown up for his biweekly report. It was always tense when he came, knowing he was working for the other side and the unending feud between him and Sirius was enough to keep everyone on edge. 

“Well, I think I’ll turn in for the night,” Tonks’s voice sliced through silence and Sirius’s expression turned from glaring to slightly less glaring. “Gotta be up early for work and then I have some Order work in the evening so I want to be well-rested, you know?” she continued, sensing the easing tension. 

“I think I’ll turn in too,” Sirius grumbled, abruptly standing and pushing past Remus and Molly on his way out. Remus only watched him go, sighing as he heard the pounding of steps and the beginnings of Walburga Black’s screams before her son silenced them with ease. 

I feel a chill building up inside

Seeing the sweat filling up my eyes

Tell every friend, enemy in flesh and blood

To send out the battle cry

Sirius woke up the next morning colder than usual which was saying something considering it still felt like he’d never be warm again after escaping Azkaban. He groaned and reached his arm out, expecting to feel the warmth of Remus Lupin but finding the bed to be as cold and empty as he felt. 

Panic coursed through him. Where the fuck was Remus? Sirius didn’t remember him coming to bed the night before but he thought that perhaps he was just cleaning up Sirius’s mess (What else is new? he thought bitterly.) and had come up after he’d fallen asleep. But he wasn’t there. And Sirius was cold, no, he was freezing. His throat felt tight and his bed felt too hard. He couldn’t hear Buckbeak’s squawks or chirps and Remus wasn’t there. 

He tore off the blanket that was doing nothing and sprinted from the room, as far away as he could and down the stairs. He was expecting his mother to come out of the woodwork and smack him across the head for running in the house. He thought Regulus would be just around the corner waiting to spit at his feet and call him a blood traitor. He thought his father would be standing at the bottom of the steps, wand in hand and ready to cast the Cruciatius. 

But none of them came and Sirius was still running through the house and down the stairs. He no longer felt cold because he was sweating and he couldn’t catch his breath. 

He was running from Death Eaters and from Inferi. He was running for his life and he didn’t have his wand to defend himself. All he could think was Remus, James, Lily, Harry over and over again. He could’ve sworn he heard someone screaming his name and he knew he’d been found so it was only a matter of time before he was cornered and captured or killed. He had to run. 

“SIRIUS!” 

Remus’s voice broke through the haze and he skidded to a stop, the cold of the marble seeping back into his marbled feet. He was hot and cold all at the same time and he felt like he was in fifty different places at once all because Remus wasn’t there. But now he’s here and he’s holding onto Sirius and squeezing him tight and putting pressure on his over-sensitized body. 

“We have to-! We have- We have to go Moony! James and Lily!” he shouted, starting to struggle against Remus. 

“Sirius, stop moving! It’s 1995 and James and Lily are dead! We have to be worried about Harry! Sirius, Padfoot, my love, calm down please!” Remus’s voice pleaded, and what he was saying made perfect sense. He remembers breaking out of Azkaban and he remembers living in Grimmauld Place after giving it to Dumbledore to use for headquarters. Sirius stopped squirming and the pressure of Remus’s hold on him started to unravel the tension and the nerves he’d woken up with. 

Twenty minutes later and Remus had yet to let go but Sirius had turned and folded his arm around his Moony and gripped tightly as he sobbed. Remus didn’t have the heart to tell him it hadn’t even crossed midnight yet and he’d only just gone to bed a mere two hours ago. But Sirius was sobbing and mumbling about Harry and how they had to be ready and he how he felt useless and insane. Remus held him tighter. 

Fingers stretching out from nowhere

Reaching for my throat

They're hungry for my skin

Teeth wide smiling that they found me

Circling around me

Slowly closing in while you sing

Harry woke up frantically. He was gasping for breath because it felt like someone was squeezing his throat and there was cotton in his mouth. His skin was burning and he felt like there was someone in his room that wasn’t Ron. He knows he’s awake. He knows that’s not possible but he remembered the eerie portrait that stood tall in the room and he remembered hearing it snicker. Irrationally, he thought, Voldemort and his followers had found him finally. 

If he moved, they would see him. If he stayed still, he had no way of defending himself or getting away. And there was Ron still. He closed his eyes shut tight and tried to think through the situation rationally, the voice in the back of his head begging him to understand that no one besides Ron and him were in the room. No one else. 

He heard the high-pitched laughter that made his skin crawl and those grotesque white hands holding the yew wand, reaching out to touch him. He felt the touch everywhere, on his scar, on his throat, and the gash on his hand. Everything was burning. The jeers of the Death Eaters filled his ears and he sees their masks as they stood around him in a circle in the graveyard. They were all around him, waiting for him to move, waiting for their Master to do something to kill him.

Harry bolted from his bed.

The jeers sounded like they were following him and the laughter was too close to him for it to be comfortable. He left his wand by his bed and out of sight because he didn’t even want to look at it anymore with the looming hearing. But it wouldn’t matter anymore if he was dead. 

The jeers turned into shrieks that echoed throughout the house but he didn’t care as long as they were following him and everyone else was safe. He just wanted to be safe too. 

“It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real,” the rational part of his brain chanted and Harry didn’t even realize till that moment that he was crying. He slowed down a bit and threw caution to the wind to glance over his shoulder and see who was following him. 

No one was there.

His hearing stopped ringing and became sharper and he realized that the shrieks were actually Sirius’s mother and everything he thought he was feeling and seeing was not real. It was all because of that dream but it was the same dream he had almost every night in some variation. He never freaked out like that before. 

“Harry?” 

He looked towards the voice who called his name, his nerves flaring and he prepared himself to run again because he just couldn’t be sure at this point anymore. But it was just Professor Lupin. 

“I’m sorry!” he gasped and the werewolf gave him a concerned looked as he wordless flicked his wand towards the portrait and the shrieks were silenced. 

“Sorry about what?” Lupin asked kindly and Harry gulped. He was drenched in sweat. 

“Waking you,” he said before his brain even processed it. He was sorry for that sure, but he was also sorry about the portrait and about letting his old professor see him like this. 

Lupin waved him off. 

“I wasn’t sleeping,” he said before turning on his heel and gesturing for Harry to follow him. “Come with him,” he instructed and Harry obliged, wishing desperately to leave the laughter and white hands behind him. 

Everything is gonna be fine, fine

Everything is gonna be fine, fine, fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine

Everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine

Sirius was not eager to let Remus out of his sight but the pounding of feet and the reckless encouragement of his mother’s rage had him concerned as well. The cup of tea steaming in his hands kept him from feeling too cold and his bare feet resting on the old carpet kept from becoming too cold. Remus returned after only a minute or two. 

Harry was behind him. 

Remus steered the boy to sit next to his godfather and Sirius suddenly started to feel uncomfortable. He was supposed to be stronger than this and not let Harry know that he was weak and broken. It wasn’t supposed to be this way but yet Harry felt no qualms about it apparently as he insistently shifted closer to the Animagus. They weren’t exactly touching and Sirius could feel the kid’s apprehension about touching him so Sirius initiated it, hoping he wasn’t overstepping. 

He shifted his cup to one hand and threw an arm across Harry’s shoulders while pulling him closer to his side. He felt the tension start to ease out the boy’s body. Sirius felt a bit more relaxed as well. 

“Everything’s going to be fine,” he murmured, pressing his face gently into the chaos that was Harry’s hair and tried not to think of James and what he’s lost. 

Harry shuddered slightly but reveled in the comforting touch of his godfather and focused on the feeling. He left behind the remnants of his dream and leaned further into Sirius’s side, repeating quietly, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

Remus sat on the other side of Sirius placed a firm hand on his shoulder, leaning in to kiss his lover’s cheek softly. 

“Everything will be just fine,” he echoed. 

Neither of them felt any sort of sleepiness but everything was fine then and everything was going to be fine. 

Fine. 

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

[trbld-writer]

➺ kiss it better, baby

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female Reader ft. Hoseok

Genre: FLÜFF, brother’s best friend!au

Warnings: rejection/getting stood up, mentions of marijuana consumption, mentions of alcohol consumption, some language, pillowy softness of my favorite birthday baby, protective Big Bros Sope

Word count: 4,023 words

Synopsis: Kisses make everything better, don’t they?

Note: IT’S MY FAVORITE BOY’S BIRTHDAY!! I actually did not plan or expect for this to be done for Yoongi’s birthday but I’m glad it is. I wrote most (read: all) of this in one sitting and I went through a very brief edit before posting it, so I apologize for any mistakes. This is dedicated to my favorite boy in the world who has my whole heart and soul and ass, and thanks to @snakescript and @kittae for helping me out!! Also, I’m tagging @prolixitae because she’s the love of my life. I hope you enjoy!!

[masterlist]

“How does this look, Yoongi?“

You stepped out of the dressing room, the dress you chose accentuating your waist with a flaring skirt. Doing a little twirl, you struck a pose in front of your best friend. Yoongi felt his heart drop to his knees when he turned to you. The dark blue dress you had picked out looked like it was tailored to fit you perfectly. He felt his jaw drop and his cheeks heat up looking at you. A few moments in awkward silence passed before you waved a hand in front of his face, laughing at his behavior.

“Yoongi? You alright?“

He snapped out of his daze and laughed it off. I mean, it was just his best friend’s sister picking out a dress for her date. No big deal. Totally fine. But his heart was racing. Oh, how he would love to be the guy who would be so lucky to sit across from you, hear about your day, see your blushy cheeks, and hear your laughter.

“Yeah, it looks great. You should get that one,” he said, looking away as not to stare and fall for you even more. You let out a content hum and disappeared into the changing room again. He heaved out a sigh and sat down on one of the chairs again.

Yoongi cannot remember a moment where he was not in love with you, even if he tried. Ever since you were kids, ever since Yoongi got to know Hoseok and through Hoseok, you, he has never not been in love.

One of the first times you made his heart flutter was when Yoongi crashed into a rose bush on a hot summer day while he was looking over to you. In a failed attempt to impress you, he scraped his knees and got some scratches on his face. You were playing on your porch when you heard Hoseok yell and laugh at his best friend. As the place of the accident was your neighbor’s front porch, you ran to him, Hoseok’s joyous laughter in the background. Helping him up, you checked on the wounds and pulled him inside, much to his embarrassment.

“Where were you looking, Yoongi? Hm?” you had playfully scolded him, making his face burn in an even deeper shade of red. He did not answer, instead opting for watching you get a small first aid kit before settling down in front of him. You cleaned up the wounds on his knees first, putting two bigger bandaids on them before straightening up to examine his face. He could not look you in the eye, sweat running down the back of his neck in embarrassment.

You hummed a little melody while cleaning the scratches, ignoring his flinches and whines when it stung particularly lots.

“Stay still, let me take care of you,” you had muttered, shutting him up effectively. Putting two bandaids on his cheek and forehead, you impulsively had leaned forward to place little kisses on the treated wounds.

Yoongi flinched, his back hitting the chair as he put one hand on his cheek. His face was now on fire and he did not blink as he stared at you.

“What was that for?” he exclaimed, heart palpitating as he watched you shrug.

“Mommy does that when we get hurt. Kisses make the pain go away.”

Another incident that made his crush for you grow was in high school. Being a few years your senior and you taking similar classes as him, Hoseok arranged for him to tutor you when he noticed your struggle in some classes.

It was one particularly cold day, just a week before Valentine’s day. The two of you had bundled up, wrapped in blankets as you were sitting in the library, going over the same problem over and over. You were not able to concentrate, not with Yoongi sitting across from you, the scarf almost bigger than him. His hair was a light pink color back then, a stark difference to his dark brows that were sure to fly off his forehead as he raised them higher and higher when you tried to solve the problem and failed each time. You shoved the book away from you.

“I can’t concentrate. It’s been a long day, Yoongi, I wanna go home,” you whined, pouting. He sighed and closed the book.

“Okay, fine.”

You packed your things and you sat together in silence for a while, watching the snowflakes settle on the ground in fluffy bits.

“Do you have a valentine, Yoongi?” you asked, turning towards him. You felt your cheeks getting warm and hoped he would not see.

Everyone you knew had a crush on Yoongi, yourself included. He was everything you wanted in a person, even if many people would disagree. He seemed grumpy and cold, but once you got past that exterior, he showed his caring, sweet nature. He was attentive, always picking up bits and pieces from your conversations, bringing you gifts on your birthday and Christmas, taking care of you when you were sick and Hoseok was not home while your parents were working. He was hard-working, albeit a little of a sleepyhead but you adored his ambition and passion for things he liked.

Not only did he have a great personality, but Yoongi was also very attractive. His cat-like eyes that seemed to be watching every move, his cute button nose, and plush lips that were almost irresistible. Although he was on the shorter side, he had a nice build and gave the greatest hugs. His voice was something you could listen to for hours. It was deep, raspy, and comforting. His hands, which he often liked to scribble on, were rough and calloused, a few scars adorning them. They were the perfect size to hold and you could only imagine how well yours would fit into them.

In short, Yoongi was your perfect man. Plus, he was your brother’s best friend and there was something forbidden about it that made your heart skip a beat.

However, you had never voiced any of your thoughts about him, scared to ruin the sacred friendship you, Hoseok, and Yoongi had. Although Hoseok was perfectly aware of your feelings for each other.

He thought for a bit, lips forming the perfect kissable pout, before shaking his head. “Nope.”

Your heart skipped a beat upon hearing that. “And you have no one in mind?”

Curiosity got the better of you and without noticing, you had leaned forward a bit. Yoongi’s gaze fell on you, irises almost filled out, and you leaned back against your chair, a bit startled. After a bit, he just sighed out.

“No, there’s no one around that would really catch my eye.”

Liar, his heart yelled, you’re a liar, Yoongi! And everyone knows it! Even a stranger would know that you’re head over heels for her!

You felt your heart drop and the corners of your lips drooped a little. Catching yourself just in time before he would notice your mood change, you smiled. “Yeah, me neither.”

 A week later, the whole hall was decked out in reds and pinks, celebrating the day of love.

“Capitalistic bullshit,” you had murmured under your breath, causing Yoongi to just give an affirmative grunt. The pair of you walked across the hall, separating with a “See you later” and walking to your respective classes. Smirking to yourself, you sat down and waited for class to start.

Just half an hour later, you got a text from Yoongi.

 Yoongi: wtf

You: what is it

Yoongi: i got a fuckin rose.

 You grinned to yourself, trying to stifle your laughter. You had sent him the rose, a little love letter with “happy valentine’s, don’t be so bitter just bc ur alone <3” scribbled on it.

 You: any idea who it could be? ;)

Yoongi: either u or hoseok. i’m guessing it was u judging from the look on your face

 Your head snapped up and you saw Yoongi standing in front of the door, looking through the little side window and giving you The Finger. You could barely contain your laughter and blew him a kiss before mouthing “Love you”. He gave you a disgusted look, ignoring his fluttering heart.

 A few years later after your graduation, Yoongi was still heavily in love with you, despite various dates and flings on either side. You were always on his mind. However, the contact never broke, despite being a few years apart and Yoongi traveling a lot. You would meet up occasionally, text each other almost every day, a phone call once a week, and both of your hearts still beating heavily for each other. Sometimes, you would fall asleep while on video chat, leaving him to feel his heart almost bursting from seeing you in that peaceful state of sleep. College was stressing you out, the constant assignments and hours of studying tugging on your patience and your sanity.

 Hoseok, of course, knew about your crush on Yoongi and about his on you, never passing up an opportunity to tease either of you about it. One day, however, you had told him and Yoongi over a cup of coffee that you had been set up for a blind date by one of your classmates, Julia. She wanted you to have a little distraction from studying most of the time and promptly set a date with one of her friends.

“I don’t know what he’s like. She just told me that he was really my type,” you said, worrying your lower lip between your teeth. Hoseok did not miss the way your eyes wandered to Yoongi as you spoke. He reached over the table to grab your hand.

“I bet he’s a nice guy,” he spoke calmly, to which Yoongi just nodded.

“If he isn’t, call us and we’ll beat him up.”

You let out a giggle, shaking your head. “Of course, Yoongi. I just hope I don’t have to.”

 So here you were, picking out a dress for the dinner date you were set up for. Your feet were aching from walking around the mall with Yoongi, who seemed to like every dress you had tried on. In the end, you bought the dark blue one, deeming it to be fitting for the occasion. As you were taking the commute back home, you let out a heavy sigh.

“Nervous?” Yoongi asked, tilting his head. “No need to be, he’ll love you in no time.”

Just like I did, he thought to himself.  

You huffed out a “Yeah, sure” while looking out of the window.

“I guess it’s just weird to have a date set up for you. I mean, I easily could’ve gotten one on my own but whatever,” you laughed. “Julia was so worried that I’d die alone and bitter that she did it herself.”

 When you got home, Yoongi and Hoseok disappeared in Hoseok’s room. It’ll probably smell like weed in an hour, you thought while setting down your bag in your room. Knocking on Hoseok’s door, you were immediately greeted with your brother’s kind face.

“I’ll be in the shower if you need me.”

Hoseok smiled and nodded, his eyebrows raising. “Alright. If you wanna eat, there are some leftovers from last night. But we’ll probably order a pizza later.”

You laughed at his expectant expression and told him your regular order before walking off to the bathroom for a nice, long shower. You were sweaty and tired from spending the whole day at the mall, Yoongi’s presence not making it any easier for you to be calm.

 “Hyung, can you do me a favor?” Hoseok asked before settling down on his bed, taking a drag from his joint.

“Anything for you, Hoseok. What is it?”

“When did you get so soft on me?” he laughed, both Yoongi’s words and the slowly approaching high making him fuzzy. Yoongi just let out a grunt, snatching the blunt from Hoseok’s hands.

“Can you, like, follow Y/N when she goes to her date? Discreetly, of course. You probably know where they’re going so just,” he sighed, “make sure she’s safe, yeah?”

Yoongi listened intently to his request, nodding along to the soft bass of the music he had turned on. “Yeah, sure. I mean, I want her to be safe, too.”

“Of course you do,” Hoseok snickered, wiggling his eyebrows. He laughed when Yoongi threw a pillow at him, his flushed cheeks giving his feelings away.

 The next day, you took your sweet time getting ready. It was a Saturday, so no classes. There were no essays to write, no stress and no worries. After putting your dress on and doing your hair, you sat down to ground yourself, doing your makeup. You settled for a simple eyeliner and nude lips, deeming it appropriate. Julia called you, asking how you were feeling, if you were nervous. You were indeed very nervous, not knowing what to expect. She then started gushing about your date, how you would like him, how friendly and approachable he was, and that he would not let you down.

So you went to the restaurant she had told you, hopes high and heart beating out of your chest. You only knew his name, Mark, so you looked around in hopes of finding him. You asked a waitress if there was a table under his name and she led you to it.

Yoongi was sitting near the door, one of his friends accompanying him. He had you in his peripheral vision, cautious and attentive to every move you would make.

He isn’t here yet, you thought, looking at your phone. Well, I’m a little early anyways.

You waited, your stomach rumbling every now and then. Fifteen minutes passed. You texted Julia.

 You: where tf is he?

Julia: he hasn’t shown up yet?

You: no and i’m starving lol

Julia: that’s so unlike him tho, i’ll try to call him

 You set down your phone, your face getting hot with shame as you noticed the other dining guest giving you weird looks. Yoongi’s heart dropped and he was about to get up when his friend stopped him.

“Don’t. Yoongi, she can’t know you’re here yet,” she murmured, giving a look to you over her shoulder. She too felt bad, but knowing how it felt to be stood up, your disappointment will soon turn into anger and that’s when Yoongi would intervene.

Half an hour passed and you were getting impatient with your stomach rumbling quite loudly.

 You: has he fallen asleep or what

You: i’m getting pissed

Julia: Y/N i’m so fucking sorry, he doesn’t even pick up his phone, i’m so sorry

You: it’s not your fault, i’m just gonna order some rlly good food and have a date w myself lol

Julia: i’m really so sorry Y/N it wasn’t meant to be like this seriously

You: jules it’s okay really. it isn’t your fault and i’m not mad at you promise. i rlly appreciate your effort

 You set your phone down, ignoring the influx of messages from your friend and Hoseok asking about your date. You raised your hand, a waiter coming immediately. Ordering a fancy, decadent dish, along with some wine, you let the angry tears burn in your eyes and roll down your cheeks. Seems like he wasn’t such a great great guy, after all, you thought.

“Mind if I join you?”

You heard the chair across from you shuffle, a dark shirt coming into view before you were met with a very familiar face.

“Hi, I’m Yoongi. You must be Y/N if I’m not mistaken?” he smiled and tilted his head.

He had texted your brother about you getting stood up, not spilling anything about your bitter smile and the tears running down your cheeks in order not to make Hoseok angrier than he already was. His ‘date’ was kind and understanding when he just murmured profanities after an hour had passed and he took matters into his own hands. She left after he sat down, sending him a wink and mouthing “Good luck” to him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you hiccuped, frantically trying to wipe the tears away.

“Don’t act like this is the first time I’ve seen you cry, Y/N,” he said lowly, gently grabbing your hands. It was embarrassing you even more now. Not only getting stood up, but crying in public and having Yoongi sitting across from you, out of pity probably.

“Why are you here?” you whined, a single hiccup following the question. The burn in your throat was too much to handle, resulting in you downing the wine that was soon brought to your table. You ignored the look the waiter gave you, Yoongi smiling apologetically while declining the offer of getting wine as well.

He spoke up again after the waiter left. “It sounds really fucking creepy but Hoseok sent me to check on you.”

You let out a quiet groan. “I’m not fucking fifteen anymore, Yoongi, I can take care of myself.”

He shot you a look that said ‘clearly you can’ and you rolled your eyes. He cleared his throat, cheeks warm with affection.

“I know that, Hoseok knows that as well, Y/N. We just both really care about you, okay?”

His thumbs stroked over the back of your hands affectionately and you just stared blankly at your hands in his, reminiscing of the times where you were dreaming of this moment. You just wished it would not have been under this circumstance where he would be holding your hands.

Your voice came out raspy, the lump in your throat too thick to swallow. “Thank you. What about your date? You weren’t here alone, were you?”

“No, I was here with a friend. But she was very understanding and left when I came here.”

He smiled and nodded at your food. “Eat up and we can go somewhere else. Or I’ll take you home. Whatever you prefer.”

You let out a light laugh and took one hand out of his warm, gentle grip to dig into your food. Despite the salty taste of tears on your tongue, you gladly welcomed the delicious aroma and your gut appreciated it as well. A while later, you were sipping on your fourth glass of wine while Yoongi watched you with love in his eyes. Finishing the drink, you took out your wallet but Yoongi was quick to grab your wrist.

“It’s on me.”

After a bit of bickering about who should pay, you gave in and let him. He grinned triumphantly and helped you get into your jacket. He put his arm around your shoulders, you put an arm around his waist and so you walked to his car.

“Thank you, Yoongi. Even if that Mark dude is an asshole, I know I’ll always have someone who won’t disappoint me,” you laughed lightly, getting comfortable in the familiar seat.

He gave an affirmative hum, starting the engine and driving off to your house. When you arrived, a heavy blanket of sleep had draped over you and you yawned when Yoongi walked you to the front door.

Fumbling with the keys, you heard a click and the door opened, revealing Hoseok in his pajamas.

“Hey, how was it?” he asked, knowing fully well what the answer was.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, hot anger and shame clouding your vision as a quiet sob bubbled up in your throat. Hoseok pulled you inside, his arms wrapping around your shoulders immediately. He let you sob on his shoulders, rubbing your back affectionately.

“Shh, it’s okay. He’s a dick. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault,” he mumbled into your ear.

Yoongi watched the scene in front of him and he could feel his heart break. He was about to turn around and leave, feeling like an intruder in such an intimate moment between siblings, but you stopped him.

“Yoongi was there though. He came to sit with me. He even paid for my food, Hoseok! Min Yoongi paid for my food,” you laughed in a tipsy haze, grabbing his hand without thinking too much about it. Hoseok grinned and patted your head.

“Seems like you still had a good time then. Thanks for taking her home, hyung,” he said, his smile softening when he saw how you had wrapped around Yoongi, leaving the poor man flustered.

“Take me to bed?” you looked up at him, knowing that he could not resist your pout.

Hoseok gasped dramatically, “Not in my good Christian household!”

You all laughed and you tried to playfully hit your brother, “Don’t be a perv, Hoseok. I didn’t mean it that way.”

He chuckled. “I know, I know.” He kissed your forehead. “Sleep well, sis. You’ll survive.”

You nodded, eyes closed with fatigue already but you tugged Yoongi to your room by his sleeve. He sat down on your bed while you took off your makeup and took care of your hair. After brushing your teeth, you started taking off your dress but your zipper got stuck halfway down.

“Yoongi, help.”

He got up, cheeks burning while he fumbled with your zipper. It wasn’t that you were standing in front of him ready to undress what had him so fussy. Your vulnerability, which you rarely showed towards him, was what made his hands shaky and sweaty. When he finally got the zipper to slide all the way down, he was lucky you were already half asleep so you could not hear how his breath hitched when he noticed your undergarments.

“I was so dolled up, ready to get some tonight. Can you fucking imagine, Yoongi?” you slurred, your lips loose both from the wine and sleepiness.

He just chuckled. “I can’t.”

He sucked in a breath when you dropped the dress and walked to your wardrobe to take out an old shirt. He muttered under his breath, “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Pulling the shirt over your head, you got rid of your bra before pulling out some sweats. Turning around, you rubbed your eyes. Yoongi noticed that it was his shirt adorning your figure and his breath got caught in his throat when he thought about seeing you in the morning with his shirt on. He must have left it one night when he was visiting Hoseok.

He cleared his throat. “Let’s get you to bed.”

You slipped under the covers, pulling them up to your chin. Opening your eyes to watch Yoongi wipe a single tear away from your cheek, you smiled drowsily at him. Your heart was doing somersaults at the look he gave you, adoring and full of love. His eyes sparkled, like the night sky. You always wanted to tell him you loved his eyes, tell him you loved his voice, his hands, his music. Him. But you just could not bring yourself to do it.

Your throat constricted again, tears burning.

“Thank you for tonight, Yoongi. For everything.”

He gave you a little smile, leaning down to kiss your forehead and ignoring the butterflies that filled up his gut. “Anytime, Y/N. I’ll always be there.”

Tears started rolling down your cheeks again, with Yoongi letting out a small laugh while wiping them away. “But there’s no need to get all mushy on me. You knew that already.”

You laughed through your tears. “I know, I just,” you heaved out a little giggle, “I just really feel the love in this Chili’s tonight.”

He leaned forward, laughing until his shoulders shook. “You’re such a fucking idiot,” he said. ‘But I love you.’ He almost let it slip through his lips, knowing that you would not take it the way he meant it. But he could not bring himself to do it. He just shook his head with a soft smile, wiping your final tears away.

“Sleep tight, Y/N.”

“Good night, Yoongi. And thank you again, I had a great time,” you murmured, more to yourself than speaking to him.

He could feel his heart bursting at its seams, love overflowing within him. “Me too.”

He leaned down again, pressing his lips to your forehead and getting brave, on your cheek.

You giggled sleepily, “What was that for?”

“Kisses make the pain go away, don’t they?”

all rights reserved. 

[mxsinistir]

*renewed and less angry* Opinion on the Ryuzaki Persona Theory

Disclaimer) Okay, reading my old journal entry about this topic. . . I was apparently just really angry about something when I wrote it?? And I honestly think that's hilarious bc yeah, I was mad about the theory but I just had no chill whenever I was writing it as a coping method. So this is my new level-headed, experienced-DN-theorist opinion on it. 

Also, I don’t have a Death Note blog so this is going on my Sherlock blog / Fandom blog instead of one-shots that I need to actually be writing. Deal with it. 

So, the RPT is basically the theory that whenever L introduces himself as “Ryuzaki” to the Task Force, he is not acting like himself at all, and he actually just stole the entire Ryuzaki personality from Beyond Birthday after solving his case in the same way he allegedly stole the identities of detectives Coil and Deneuve. 

So, I agree with most of this, and I’ll explain further later. This part never really bothered me, but the disagreement comes whenever the fandom tries and debates what the Real L (Or First!L) is actually like. 

A lot of the theory fandom that I saw at the time basically said that L was nothing like Ryuzaki. British, suave, completely healthy...? Lmao, what? 

So, might as well get this started by answering the main question.

Q) Do I think Ryuzaki is a persona?

A) Yes, to an extent. 

I don’t think Ryuzaki is vastly different from L. But, L has a pattern of stealing the identities (Particularly names, which is really fitting considering that Names are given a lot of power in the Death Note fandom.) So, I don’t think it’s unlikely that he took the Ryuzaki persona from Beyond Birthday. 

And I’d have no trouble subscribing to this part of the theory 100% if it weren't’ for the fact that it is said in LABB that BB took the persona from L first as an attempt to imitate him. 

So, my guess is that BB took traits from L to create Ryuzaki, confirming that L is at least similar to Ryuzaki, and Beyond was probably exaggerating a couple of the iconic Ryuzaki traits.  And then after being beaten, the persona was returned to L. But by then, my guess was that it had been modified by Beyond, even if he hadn’t noticed it. 

Basically what I’m saying is that while the theory is usually about saying that someone stole a persona from somebody else, my point of view is that basically the Ryuzaki Persona was passed back and forth like some weird game of telephone where it got slightly edited each time. 

So, because I don’t know how else to organize this, I’m going to list the traits I think belong to First L and which ones are just Ryuzaki.

L

1. Intelligence) This goes without saying, right? L is incredibly intelligent, and so is Ryuzaki.

2. Weird Mannerisms) Now, this is part of where the theory gets unclear because a lot of “First!L” theories disagree on what belongs to L and what belongs to the Ryuzaki persona. And basically, I think L did inherit some of his weird mannerisms from Beyond’s version of Ryuzaki, I don’t think he’s entirely normal underneath the person he presents. Especially since his weirdness continues into his Ryuga persona and basically throughout all we’ve seen of him in the show. Not to mention that literally every Wammy Kid is shown to have quirks that resemble the ones that L / B / Ryuzaki have. I don’t know what mannerisms came from who

3. Accent / speaking) For some reason there’s a theory that First!L actually has a British accent due to being raised in the UK. Accept his voice is literally consistent throughout the show, and none of the other Wammy Kids are shown to have an accent. I also don’t think that his manner of speaking would drastically change because of the persona. 

Ryuzaki) 

1. Autism / Aspergers) So it’s nothing new that there’s a fandom discourse about whether or not L actually is on the spectrum. At the time of my original post, I assumed that he was not faking it. But after conversing with LuckyKitty some more about this topic, she has convinced me that this is actually a part of the Ryuzaki persona. I don’t know if he’s purposely faking it or if his mannerisms just cause the appearance of Aspergers, but either way, I don’t think L or any of his personas actually find themselves on any part of the spectrum. 

2. Strawberries) This is a weird one, but hear me out. He acquired this from Beyond’s part of the persona because I promise you strawberries are not that sweet and L’s food love is for sweet stuff and the fact that he doesn’t just throw the strawberries off of his food is Ryuzaki’s doing, not L’s. 

Final thoughts

Would I say I subscribe to the Ryuzaki Persona theory? No, not really. Frankly, I actually dislike a lot of things about the theory itself. I think it feels like a fandom trying to make a character “Normal” and more “likeable” while taking them completely out of character out of the process. I think a lot of theories about “First L” take away huge chunks of L / Ryuzaki’s complex character. 

I think my overall thoughts about this are basically that Ryuzaki and L are still the same people. Ryuzaki is a name given to the Task Force, and it brings along with some amplified traits of L’s real personality. Maybe the name was a way to pay respect to Beyond’s death, which I believe happened right before L started on the Kira Investigation? (It would be really interesting if that’s actually what drove him to investigate Kira but that’s a discussion for a different time).

Basically, because I’m garbage at summarizing my thoughts, I’m going to use a quote from Irene Adler in Sherlock. “Every disguise, no matter how hard you try, is a self-portrait.” Honestly, I think that’s what Ryuzaki is. A way that Ryuzaki acts around certain people. Are you telling me you don’t act differently around different people?

So yes, I think Ryuzaki can be a considered a persona, and it was traded between B and L. But I don’t think there’s some hard difference between L and Ryuzaki’s personality. Ryuzaki, in my opinion, was an extension of L, as was Ryuga, Coil, and all of L’s other personas or identities or whatever you want to call them. So I can’t know L” ends and “Ryuzaki” begins or whatever. The best I can do is a Sherlock quote, apparently.

Yeah, so that’s my calmer analysis of this theory. I think my problem isn’t so much with the “Ryuzaki Persona” theory but rather with the “First!L” theory. 

I hope this makes more sense than the last opinion I posted on this. And I really hope to god it comes across calmer because I’m really laughing out loud for not remembering what I was so mad at in real life for me to sound that angry while trying to write. 

So yeah, that’s my TedTalk. 

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

(I'm the previous anon) I lost hope for this season because, well, first i've seen so much negativity recently towards bellarke shippers, people say we're delusional, we see what we want to see... It just depresses me a little. That and (mostly) the 5x03 scripts that were released, showing all of those b/cho moments... Yes, they were deleted, but the writers wrote and filmed them, knowing very well how bellarkers would react. I highly doubt it was JR who decided to delete them in the end (1/2)

(2/2) So this led me to the conclusion that they just don’t care about bellarkers. If they want to defend and write about a relationship that doesn’t makes sense, while still denying the romantic undertone of bellarke, then I just can’t trust them anymore. To me, it seems like, once again, BC is a huge bait to make viewers watch. I don’t think b/cho will last, but it definitely is another reason not to make BC canon this season for JR. There’s always a reason. And I’m getting tired of that…

Honestly, I get it. I personally do feel like they’ve treated us differently through the years. There’s been an attitude in the fandom that being Bellarke shipper is somehow a dirty word. I’m not saying that certain fans haven’t crossed boundries because some have. I don’t blame cast and crew for speaking out against that. However, many times, I do think Bellarke shippers have been treated badly. This is not new. I don’t know, I’m so used to this that I no longer care like I used to. I know some say it’s because they can’t spoil Bellarke but I don’t buy that. Being kind to Bellarke shippers, who have been here since day one, shouldn’t be so damn hard. Other times I think fandom overreacts and expect the cast to say or do something which is not always fair. For example, when fans get angry with the cast because of what they “ship”. It’s so pointless because they don’t ship. They don’t look at the story the same way fans do. They’re not going to talk badly about their co-workers. But then Bellarke shippers get hurt when they show support to other ships but not BC, which I understand. It goes back to years of feeling mistreated and tossed aside for simply liking Bellarke. It’s been hard, hearing less that nice comments from the cast and listening to antis call us delusional have broken this fandom. There’s a lot of hurt and mistrust in this fandom and it sucks. I try to remember what I’m seeing on screen is different from what we get told by antis and sometimes the cast. Bellarke IS the story. I try my damndest to separate canon from social media comments (sometimes I fail). Bellarke is very much the story. You’re not delusional, nonny. What you’re seeing on screen is very much real.

I was upset about those B/E scenes too (mostly just the reunion scene). I think it would have been mean spirited to showhorn Ec.ho in the Bellarke reunion. This is Jason’s show. Nothing gets done or removed without his approval. He is the showrunner. I’m not saying that he hasn’t consulted his writers and producers but whatever is aired is ultimately Jason’s decision. An editor edits the shots but he or she does it the way Jason wants the story to be told. That’s why they film several takes so when they edit the episode, they’ll have options. All of which are decided by the showrunner. I felt really hurt after reading that script. I don’t know why they thought putting Ec.ho in the Bellarke reunion was a good idea. I’m grateful that they ended up cutting the scene but I’m still upset. It almost happened and I don’t forgive them for that.

I don’t like B/E. I think it’s nonsense. I wish it wasn’t happening. I don’t think they needed to go there. BUT it is where Jason decided to take the story. For me to be able to watch the show, I somehow need to make peace with it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still hate it and I’ll be petty and salty… but it is happening. Whether I like it or not. It’s not that Jason doesn’t care about Bellarke shippers, it’s that he is writing a story. I know we are frustrated, I know they haven’t always been fair or nice to us but at the same time, I don’t think Jason is writing a story to fuck with us (though the reunion scene is testing my opinion on this, lol). Jason has said many times that this story is about Bellamy and Clarke. Will we get canon Bellarke or endgame? Well, that’s what we all worry about or discuss.

I’ve said for a long time now that I don’t think Bellarke is going to be resolved until the show ends. Sometimes I also think there’s a possibility that Jason will leave Bellarke ambiguous in the end. Right now, I think we’ll get an admission of feelings this season but not established Bellarke. I think this season, Bellarke will come to realize what they feel for ech other. That means there’s a chance for canon Bellarke in season 6. If they end season 5 with no development in the Bellarke relationship then I do think they’ll be left ambiguous until the series end. So I’m waiting to see how S5 ends first.

I don’t know, maybe I’m on crack today and it’s making me talk out of my ass but I don’t think Jason is out to attack Bellarke shippers. He’s just making some decisions as a showrunner we disagree with. Maybe we’re so tired of waiting and frustrated by the story that we feel like he’s out to hurt us. I don’t like certain storylines, I don’t agree with certain things but we have to remember, we see Bellarke in the story because it is the story they are telling. It’s taking a fuck load of time to get to canon though.