#bc i want to actually absorb the lecture

[yardsards]

earlier today in class the dude in front of me had his laptop open on split screen mode, one screen playing videos (with headphones) and the other side playing browser games. and he wouldn't stay on the same video or game for more than a couple minutes. and would periodically pull out his phone to check instagram.

and i have no clue if this person has adhd or not but nonetheless it is one of the biggest adhd moods i have ever encountered

[agayconcept]

.

[blackgirlwhowrites2k23]

Can you write going on an aquarium date w alejandro balde and you just giggle at him most of the time bc of how childish he looks when he sees all the animals and stuff😭 sorry its kinda vague but i need the balde fics out here😣

Summary: Finals are coming up and your general marine biology class has got you all types of worried. Balde to the rescue! A trip to the aquarium never hurt nobody.

A/N: I know you want to beat my ass right now for how long this took, but I was having some personal issues so I had to be away for a bit. I should be all alright now though! You probably already got someone else to write this but I still felt like I owed you this at least. That aside, there really is a lack of fanfiction for some of my best boys. So here’s one for the bestest of the best boys: Balde himself. I took a little bit of a spin on this so I hope you don’t mind, Anon.  Also, shout out to women in STEM! (Also I don’t own any of these pics or video so credit to the original owners)

“I should be at home—studying,” you started to complain. It was futile to try to argue with him once he got so riled up about something, and as you stood at the start of the aquarium it was clear that it was a lost cause.

“Why do that when you could be here, with me; your awesome boyfriend,” he wiggles his eyes in an obnoxious manner that only serves for you to scoff in fake annoyance.

College life was definitely not easy and while you're confident in your choice of major and your ability to succeed, it’s hard not to get nervous. Especially when it’s just the beginning and your general studies classes are already throwing you for a loop. 

You had initially planned to be cooped up in your house all day doing nothing but going over the material, reviewing, and then reviewing some more. Then, when that was done, take the longest nap of your life. 

That had been the plan. That was until you received a text at 9 in the morning that effectively threw those plans out the window.

————————

Baldie 👨🏾‍🦲💖

Be prepared in an hour. Wear something nice. I’m coming to help you study😼

You

Going to watch Spiderverse again

will NOT help me study.

Baldie👨🏾‍🦲💖

What?

Babe No…

Just be prepared☝🏾😼

————————

As you walk hand in hand through the entrance of the aquarium, an immediate sense of wonder lit up Alejandro’'s eyes; as the soft, pillowy blue cascaded across his features it was hard to decide what would occupy all your attention: looking at him or figure out what exhibit to look at first. 

He was like a kid in a candy store, or in this case a kid at an aquarium. His excitement was palpable, and you couldn't help but giggle at the way he bounced on his toes, his enthusiasm infectious.

The first exhibit you come across is a vibrant coral reef, a living breathing tapestry of colors and textures. Alejandro's gaze darts around, absorbing every detail.  

“Woooahh! That looks like a brain,” he points dramatically at the various Australophyllia wilsoni that you both had the pleasure of stumbling across. Balde, in his infinite wisdom, presses up as close to the glass as he can to imprint every detail in his mind’s eye. 

You were in just as much awe as he was, but you definitely went about it in a more formal way.  

“That’s actually the Australophyllia wilsoni, or a Wilson’s brain. Like all coral, these guys are super important for the environment with keeping the Ph and oxygen balance within the water.”

He turns to you with a grin, eyes wide, and asks you to continue on about the different types of corals and their natural habitats, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. You humor him. With a chuckle, you launch into an impromptu lecture, weaving scientific names and geographical locations together like a basket, and you the expert weaver. Alejandro's fascination only grows, and he listens intently, occasionally gasping as a particularly striking fish darts by.  It was clear that he was overcome with a sense of eagerness; he may not have understood every single thing you said but he would sagely nod and act like he did. 

The enormous tanks all appeared to be their own living, breathing universe, packed with colorful marine life. A complex tapestry of coral and other organisms. As you move from tank to tank, his excitement never ceases.

The jellyfish exhibit captures his attention next, and you find yourselves lost in a world of languid, mesmerizing movements and ethereal effervescent lights. Alejandro's laughter rings out as he playfully imitates the up, up, up movements of the jellyfish, almost like a dance meant to capture anyone who witnesses it. You can’t keep up your professional facade anymore and you go up, up,up, moving your arms like you were floating. You immediately feel the joy bubble up within you, making you light, and yeah, maybe you were floating.

You were glad that particular exhibit was empty though, because you both probably looked real crazy. 

You have to remind yourself to never talk about fish around Alejandro because once you got started–he never wanted you to stop. You could see why though. The aquarium fish were everything and more. Their colors danced in the ethereal blue light, casting mesmerizing reflections on the glass walls of their world. Behind the glass, they felt so close, yet sooo far away.

“You know I once caught that fish with my bare hands” he points to the nearest fish as it darts past you both and makes the gripping gesture with both of his hands out.

You follow the direction of his finger, see a suckermouth catfish, and playfully hit him on the arm.

“Boy, be so for real right now.” You have to immediately walk away though because, in your laughter, you had said that entirely too loud. 

“I’ve lived many lives, woman.”

The rays in the touch pool become the next unfortunate victim in his boundless energy as Alejandro all but races you over to the waters. He reaches out to touch the sleek backs of rays gliding through the water, his eyebrows going impossibly higher up on his face as he fails to contain his pure delight. You can’t help but snap a picture as he squeals, or manly show his appreciation as he would put it, the perfect embodiment of elation.

As you explore, you find yourselves in the tunnel under the massive shark tank. The world above you transforms into an aquatic ballet, with sharks and rays gliding gracefully overhead. Alejandro's grip on your hand tightens as he whispers in awe, comparing the canopy to a majestic underwater sky.

“Am I not like, the best boyfriend ever?” You look away from him for a moment and see a pair of sharks, presumably a couple if their size difference and proximity are any indicators, and hum thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. Lemme pass this test first and I’ll get back to you on that,” you stare into a different pool, his eyes this time, and immediately get pulled in. It’s hard to keep up your cheeky game when he’s that damn fine. 

“How bout I give you a kiss and we’ll go with yes,” you have to hold on to the railing of the enclosure to keep yourself from falling in.

“That’ll work too.”

[thatfeelinwhenyou]

hi nat 🩷 i just wanted to let you know that you are one of my fav authors ever!!! i genuinely love reading your stories so much. love all the small details, all the emotions that you make me feel with your beautifully written words. I don’t just read it i feel every single word as if I’m actually the one who’s going through it all and that’s all bc of how incredibly talented of an author you are!!! I’m so so happy that I came across safe and sound. as soon as I read the title “safe and sound” I was like “taylor swift???? & enha???? my two worlds colliding?????” at that time you only had two chapters released and I was like wow this is gonna hurt me… that’s exactly what I need (fellow angst enjoyer 😔) and I stayed up all night to read both chapters. and I WAS OBSESSED IVE BEEN OBSESSED EVER SINCE!!! i followed u immediately & then i found out that you’re also 03 liner and i was like wait that’s twin (except you’re insanely talented and all I do is go to uni and then bed rot at any given chance😭…). I was SO happy when I got the notif from you that you updated the 6th chapter but I’m gonna be honest I have yet to read it… I know it will crush my heart and even tho I do like to read angst sometimes I just need to prepare myself mentally (I read the comments and I’m SCARED that it’ll break me💔). anyways I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing and I mean that with my whole heart!!! take your time queen and take care of yourself. whatever you do I’m here to support and appreciate your talent. sending you virtual hugs 🫂🫂🫂

shut up. i did not expect to be shedding tears on my way to work in the morning. had to touch up my mascara before going into the office cause ain't no way I was showing up to work looking like that!!!!!! first of all, words cannot even describe how grateful I am that you've taken the time to write out a whole paragraph to shower me with such kind words. like me???? why???? I'm so glad you manage to find me through safe & sound. as much as this series is giving me a headache, it really connected me with so many genuine readers like you. and honestly its because of readers like you who appreciate and absorb the little things in my stories that make writing so worthwhile. FYI going to uni is insanely talented imo, don't undermine the effort it takes to even go for classes T.T like I kid you not I had a 50% lecture attendance when I was studying... anyway, you are truly the sweetest for this. thank you so much for gracing my inbox and take care of yourself too! much love <3

xo, nat

[awrkive]

heyyyy i j needed to let this out bc i’ve rly been overthinking ab it for days now🥲 i don’t feel like i’m struggling academically (?) bc i genuinely do know what i’m doing like i always get high scores for my assignments yk😭😭😭 but when it comes to exams i always fck it up mayn like….also my course is for 3 years and atm i’m in my scnd…any tips perhaps so i can have a major boost for my gpa😭😭😭🥲 also i take premed sigh

hiiii!!! im in archi and its a creative program so the exams are different than other majors including premed so i dont really have a solid advice BUT for my theoretical and minor courses, my study style is this:

always study 2-3 days before your exam. u can always cram it but if ur particular about ur gpa its always better to make sure bcs there are so sooo many details u can miss if u crank up 5 or less hours to study many lectures.

first of all, i do not advice studying on any electronic device. it personally does not work for me ): theres two things that do, and the firs one is taking notes on my notebook from the presentation file (if ur prof provides them). i feel like u can retain more info when youre the one who wrote it. but if i dont have a lot of time, i tend to take notes on a word doc and print them out later.

after the general notetaking, i read it again and highlight. ofc this is different for everybody but you really only need 1-2 highlighters! and make sure they are actually light and neon! i only have yellow and orange and it makes absorbing so much easier bcs these are colors that can be easily seen and remembered.

when highlighting is done, i then take out another paper/page to write what i understood from the previous step, and for me its really effective when you say it out loud. for instance, i pretend to give a lecture about it in my room.

i start studying at around 3 or 4 am. the night is not efficient for me (cant focus) and afternoon only works when im at a space like the library (where everyone is actually quiet)

sometimes when i really do have a lot of time to lend, i make a quiz on a site called "quizziz"!!!!! its really really effective but its just a bit time consuming. u can also do it with friends!

of course i dont always study like this and have crammed some of my exams and what i do during those times is kind of the same except its not as extensive😭 i still hand write notes, highlight and stuff, then just read them later during my public transpo commute and just give it to god during the exam hours lmfao.

also lastly, if u want a high gpa make sure to ask ur prof about their grading system! whats on the syllabus isnt always accurate to how they grade so its better if u ask them urself about it. also 2 weeks before the term/send ends or before the final examination, book a consultation with them to talk about ur current grade standing so u can ask how to reach a certain mark!!

[straycalamities]

Your post made me curious about Julien.... Would love to hear about him and Andrews relationship

hmm...the conundrum with that is i would like to show it one day so how much to tell...

the thing abt this is julian has ALWAYS been written in andrews life. one of the constants of his story no matter how much he changes. (he used to be named Matty) but ive uh...been a chicken to properly show it because uh its HEAVY.

so hm...i've gone over andrew's family life before so it's not meh to go over it again i think...

that's also mostly stayed the same.

readmore bc...ya boys gonna get long-winded

so andrew has a very strict mother with very high expectations of her children, but especially him. his father is more lax and easy-going, pretty carefree tbh, but bc of this its to a fault where he also just..doesnt want to confront his wife. so things kinda..go out of control in the household as far as...his mom's weird like..competition thing between andrew and his sister

so andrew has a twin sister Alana (anyone remember Jackie? yea) and she's pretty naturally good at whatever she puts her mind to. not that she doesnt bust her ass, but things just? come to her. it's just how it is. and she's very much a daddy's girl which pushes andrew into the role of momma's boy. so then it becomes andrew's dad and alana vs andrew's mom and andrew. except. it's pretty much only andrew's mom pushing this narrative, but she's a very convincing person and is the kinda person to naturally command a room

alana is also a naturally curious person so she likes to pick up hobbies and things and practice them until she's over it or good at it or both. and thus..andrew gets pushed into these things too, to not be outdone

the thing about andrew, though, is that he's got a more particular way that he needs to engage with things to actually pick things up and learn them. first of all, he's a very kinetic learner so just reading or hearing a lecture about it doesn't do anything for him. and unfortunately he doesn't have anyone in his life early on (teachers nor family) who understand this about him. they just think there's something wrong with him or off about him or that he's lazy/doesn't care.

but andrew cares. oh he cares. way too much. and he works. so hard. to try to match with the expectations weighing on him, but it just! doesn't happen! no matter how hard he tries! he can't absorb what he's reading! he can't process what he's hearing! when he DOES get the chance to just get his hands on things and figure things out, he shines

and alana tries to help because despite it all, she cares a lot about him. she tries to show him things or tell him what helped her, but it's just..different. the things that work for her, dont't work for him. and she also can't be with him a lot because she has a lot going on. she has big aspirations and she has lots of friends (more things he struggles with) how did they end up so different u_u

so andrew's daily life is very very stressful. he feels like he's always under watch, under scrutiny, every little thing is being judged, weighed, and measured. and that just makes everything much harder for him. he eventually learns over-time to perform great under pressure but that's because the pressure in his adult-life is nothing like the pressure of his childhood lmao

(and if this is a universe where he's got the necromancy thing goin on, there's THAT whole can of worms too. bc of how looked down on and oo scary necromancy is)

so its like..andrew does have his aspirations, his dreams. he wants to be an astronaut! :) and he maintains some semblance of that goal his whole life. he just likes space! he thinks its neat and would rather just spend all day learning about space than anything he's supposed to be learning. not that it's easier, but he's more motivated lmao

he's a C or low B student (idk how to translate american schooling marks into anything else sorry..american moment) and so he's not doing...too bad, but definitely not enough to his teachers or his parents. and he's "inconsistent" bc go figure sometimes lessons are more to his learning capabilities and he excels so oh no now ppl have Proof He Can Do It why cant he do it All The Time. fantastic.

being so focused on making everyone proud or proving everyone wrong in other cases (yes andrew does operate on a level of spite) has andrew finding little time for himself. especially bc his moms the type to not like uhh idle activities. everythings gotta have a Point of Growth. literally the only reprieve is that his mom works away from home a lot, but she'll definitely call or video-call often to make up for that fact. and andrew's The One she has her eye on. he's Her responsibility to better

(the thing about his mom is god she's a strict hard-ass but she does love him uh...so i'm not trying to make it all Ooo Evil Heartless Mother Time. nah she cares but boy is she awful at showing it. and that's not an excuse but..yaknow. it is how it is. her whole thing abt being such a tyrant is that she's worried about him and wants him to do better and Be better and so she's gonna force it down his throat til it takes ...rip)

ofc his family all has their bonding pleasant moments its not all hell all the time and like i said his dad and sister are more uh..better at showing they care but still not..amazing. the whole household like i said before in another post is more reserved than like..ji-hoon's for example who freely give hugs and stuff

anyways so alll of this uh..stuff is to explain: Andrew Doesn't Have Friends LMAO his entire elementary school experience is spent not having time for friends and eventually just not knowing how to Make them bc he had no practice or experience doing so. and the other kids don't think much about him because he doesn't make time for them? they've got other ppl to hang out with. and when a kid does make an attempt he fucks it up somehow or his mom scares them off with the Restrictions for how andrew is allowed to interact with other kids (if andrew wouldnt tell them tho they wouldnt have to know..smh)

by the time he's transitioning to middle school is when he meets julian. julian ALSO does not have friends (gee wonder why (youll see why)) and julian sees andrew not having friends either and thinks well! time to have this loner be MY friend. and julian is a pretty charismatic person when he wants to be. he knows how to small talk and keep conversations going and all that. i say this like a tween julian already has evil intentions but tbh..nah it DOES honestly start off innocent enough. julian has a lot going on at home too and wants someone to be his friend. simple as that. andrew doesnt already have a group, so..easy choice there. should be

the stuff that usually scares ppl away doesnt work on julian because he's a very anti-rules disobedient sort at this point already anyways. he just sees it as a challenge really so even if andrew makes things awkward by parroting his moms rules on how he can interact with other kids based on her paranoias about the typical Child and what they could teach Her Precious Baby it doesnt phase him. he gonna do it anyway

they do have interests in common, turns out! they like some of the same music. some of the same shows/movies. and things like that. the rest of it Becomes shared interests bc julians the type to go "hey i like this. now you will too" and for the most part? their shared tastes go a long way and andrew DOES end up liking most things julian introduces him to

at first julian does kinda..have no choice but to follow the Hard Rules that andrews got for hanging out so..they pretty much only see each other at school, they start picking up writing letters for each other to read only when they get home so they can write a reply and they get kinda lengthy as more topics get added lol

but eventually julian starts convincing andrew to like..shake things up a bit. asks where he lives. turns up at his window. just to chaaat ofc. theyre not gonna get in trouble psh.. its just talking. then it becomes andrew calling julian at home even tho he's not allowed to be on the phone, but if he does it at night then nobody can catch him (or if his moms away bc tbh does his dad rly care..? but andrew assumes he does)

and so julian and andrew get steadily closer and closer that way and andrew is. ecstatic. his first friend! and a really close one! they're best friends! and for julians credit, he's still just thinking "yay i have a friend. someone that makes life suck less :) even if he's a dweeb who i need to teach to live life"

and okay well anything further about them needs content warnings: very unhealthy, toxic relationship talk. manipulation

so unfortunately. julian has a very uhh extreme view on his life. he likes to exaggerate everything (usually for the worst) and jus tlike in general. not just describing it, he actually feels like his life is the worst life anyone could ever have. his parents split up when he was young and now he's being raised by his grandma who is also strict but in a way where its like..shes strict on him but lives kinda like..whatever, herself. shes very do as i say not as i do but julian hangs onto the Example she's putting off and hates her guts for having the Audacity to try to make him do different when she cant even do it herself. he also has an uncle who has his fingers in a lot of very shady pots and so julian is keen to things he rly shouldnt be at a young age

so with all that, he has a tendency to kinda lash out at the world around him. thats sorta his...uh version of coping. and with so many ppl putting him at arms length mostly because of THIS part of his behavior especially, he's only got one person at his side. loyal. always there for him.

unfortunately thats andrew

and it starts small like..playful insults. nothing rly anything at first it could just be the way he shows affection. but then the insults hit parts that sting deeper and deeper. and get more and more personal. and julian starts making almost memes? of some of andrews faults, weaknesses, and insecurities as if that's just one of their Inside Jokes they have, yknow, as best pals. so andrew feels like oh well i have to like this bc its Special and its just for me. i should appreciate that he's doing this. nobody else has this. and he's not being Mean he's just being playful

and unfortunately the more andrew lets him get away with it, the worse julian gets about it. the thing is that nobody's taught andrew self-worth yet. he's been too busy trying to be what other people want him to be. so here he is, also being what julian wants him to be: a punching bag. but he doesnt realize thats what it is. he just thinks julian wants andrew to be the type to be "playfully rude" with but, again, im saying julian goes way past that

and as julian gets older, the more he reserves what used to be how he was with everyone, being him, being genuine in all the worst and best ways, with only andrew. so everyone else gets this very like..agreeable neutral kinda personality out of julian. so then andrew also sees THAT and thinks wow..i really am special

and as years go by and they go from middle school to high school and social situations change around them, andrew feels even more lucky he's gotten somebody special to him and that he's special to because by highschool it feels like everyones already got their cliques and their partners-in-crime and he'd feel like a mega loser without julian. and julians shown him and taught him so many cool things that give him things to actually talk about with other ppl when they Engage with him?

but yeah throughout highschool julian teaches andrew more and more rulebreaking habits. they even set up ways to make money at school w stuff like..selling test answers or snacks or stuff when they can get away with it. or skipping classes or other things. vandalizing things. pranking ppl (harmless :) ofc..but maybe only physically so)

so we return to julian's uncle. liek i said he's a shady dude. well. he starts involving an older julian in his shady shit. so now julian and andrew are peddling fkn weed and prescription drugs around their school and neighborhood. eventually they're hotwiring vehicles to steal. (kinda uhh tragically this is actually where andrew figures out he's pretty good at cars and likes them a lot and even if he's having a constant crisis about Being Awful, he's also uhhh more motivated to learn how to do a new thing and Be Good At It. bc that's the thing isnt it? he's finally Good At Something) and stealing other things too

and i kinda quickened the pace here but its like..well it does escalate pretty quickly because at some point julian has andrew wrapped around his little finger and tho there are the times one or both of them get caught and andrew gets in trouble, has a crisis, and swears off doing anything like that ever again!! julian just has to warm andrew up to it again. because by highschool julian also has the upper hand in that he's become andrew's gay awakening. so now andrew has a huge crush on him and especially wants to impress him and keep him around and notice him and find him cool and worthwhile

and at first julian is sorta confused?? but diversity win! the manipulative toxic asshole best friend is also into boys! but giving andrew everything he wants wouldnt be very fun would it? he has something to dangle over his head. and he's gotten to the point where this is high risk shit. andrew could very much change his mind about everything about them and leave julian and the longer time goes on, the more paranoid julian becomes of this very thing happening. so he holds onto whatever leashes he can get twisted around andrew

he'll entertain his attraction but never clarifies anything. never gives him like..bold affection. never makes it clear how he feels or if he's even completely fine with it? which adds pressure onto andrew that he's just making all this up. or he's being the weirdo, pushing something on julian who might be straight or something

outside of julian tho, andrew's family is noticing his behavior bc i mean..also hes obviously getting caught doing some of this stuff. and his grades are even worse. and sometimes they get calls abt him missing school? and they try to intervene bc like..andrews got One friend. its gotta be this guy. so they try to ground andrew, ban julian, all kinds of stuff but they're slippery and they've got all sorts of workarounds. and ultimately, they still go to the same school. and..sadly. this, at first, just makes andrew desperate to keep julian all the more bc now he's beome this like..symbol of freedom and having Fun and living life to the fullest and anything related to home starts being associated with prison, suffocation, snuffing out his personality and everything he's learned about himself and like..even if he doesnt rly has Friends outside of julian (he's convinced julian is the only friend he rly wants/needs) he's still seen as cool! the Bad Boy, the Hookup for cool shit (snacks, drugs etc) he's a hit sometimes with the Le Popular Kids ooo... and he might even get invited to get-togethers with julian (julian is actually the introvert to andrews extravert but he Humors ppl for the image and he likes the way andrew always looks at him like a lost puppy when he's trying to figure out what to say in convos with other ppl)

but overtime, julians just gotten too comfortable with being too rough with andrews mentality and his emotions. bc he's never stopped his absolute drilling into andrews squishy parts in order to make himself feel better. or somehow blaming andrew for everything, even julians own shortcomings. and playing hot n cold with andrews emotions and etc. like there's just a lot he does that keeps andrew eternally unsure of where he's standing with julian or if he's doing things Correct or in a way that makes julian Happy. and as andrew gets older and starts Understanding things, he starts Understanding that hey...there's actually a lot about this that he doesnt like. he starts trying to...ask julian to lighten up. to consider his feelings on things. that he wants to do..things he wants to do? why do they always do things julian wants to do. why do they always get into what julian likes but never what andrew likes.

julian is...surprised and he does not Like this change. doesnt like that andrew is trying to cause problems? in their relationship? like why make this a thing? when its nothing? it was fine before? but the thing about letting andrew meet ppl, gain reasons for ppl to wanna talk to him and know him is that he gets to know how other ppl are and how they feel abt him. and though he hasnt made any other Friends, he's just learning how..Normal ppl are. and how julian with him is Not Normal. and its in a bad way bc andrew feels bad! he feels sick to his stomach sometimes. and nobody gets to him like julian does! and he thought before it was the crush but now he's starting to realize...he doesnt actually feel that way about julian anymore because he's just gotten so...Cruel

well now when andrew gets grounded/banned from julian, he doesn't fight it. he doesn't find the loopholes anymore. he lets things go and just kinda...tries to see how he feels? and he finds he...feels better. there's ways he feels worse, but there's a lot more ways he feels like he can breathe. like he's a person. and he likes it so...he starts to just ween himself off julian. and julian starts to act up more bc he doesnt have his usual ways to Cope and gets in trouble more, being at school Less and that just causes more distance

and julian is finally living with what he was most terrified of. and andrew is willingly? throwing him away? and he cant have that. he's at his wits end and panicking

new content warning: whew boy suicide mention/suicide-baiting

and thats all i rly have to say aint it

he holds the fact over his head that if andrew actually does officially cut ties with him, julian will kill himself. that he has no reason to live if he doesn't have andrew. that andrew is his everything and the light of his life, his joy, all that. and he cant't just? leave him like this?

and at first andrews like wait no this is awful dont do that..im sorry and like..tentatively keeps his ties to julian, tries to continue things the wya they were! just uh..different! bc if julian wants andrew to stay then..compromises have to happen okay? and julian says he agrees but catch things getting worse again and andrew in the same boat he was before

distancing

julian freaking out in a panic at 2am on a phone call describing what he's about to do til andrew apologizes again

rinse

repeat

but andrew eventually is just...tired. man. he's getting closer to graduating. he really does NOT need this. it's taking such a heavy toll on him bc rly! nothing else terrible in his life ever really went away, this is just an addition. it's not that his mom saw him acting out and thought oh...this is bc im too hard on him, nah, she stays hard. she gets Harder. his moms stern and affectionless and doesnt understand his plights, his sisters always so busy with her life, and his dad is out of touch. and mostly: andrew doesnt want to bother anyone with his problems. its his own fault, after all. its his mess. and he also is terrified of what anyone would think of even..half the things he'd have to admit to get them to understand. or even a fourth tbh

so one day he just..has had enough. julian threatens to tell his parents what he's done, what he's really like even if it brings julian down too. julian plans to be dead anyways after so what does it matter

and andrew just tells him to do it and hangs up

he feels sick to his stomach for days, but also is too fed up to call and apologize or take it back. he flip-flops on both so much he ends up doing nothing at all

and this is where julian is officially out of his life. i call it Schrodinger's Julian at this point bc did he? or didnt he? well what is the truth is he just does not show up again. so andrew is free but..he literally does not know at what cost. and the guilt eats him up alive for the rest of his life as well as all the damage literally going from like 12-13 to 18 with what this shit did to him

(cw: suicide stuff over)

this is where some of the stories diverge? umm..he either goes immediately to college or waits. with the college timeline Also diverging to oh he makes it somehow or oh he has to drop out

my default tho is that he does try, but he has to drop out. and makes an absolute mess of himself while he's trying. college parties and nightlife and everything else. sex drugs and rock n roll pretty much. everything he knows about connecting to other people is completely Fucked and so he thinks he's making connections but it's not real. and nothing feels like it did with julian but that should be a good thing? or should it. he misses the old julian and he misses the good parts and he feels like he'll never have that with someone again or that maybe...if he did...they'd do the same thing. maybe its dangerous to be that close to anyone. but oh he wants it. so bad.

and we'll continue with my usual story but uh (cw: drugs/drug-use)

we have to delve a bit into the fact he becomes an addict. because he very much does. with all the escapism he does in college because he's just trucking along without processing a drop of this? no therapy? not even someone to vent to or hold onto? nah man. shits rough. and he loses himself in many kinds of drugs but heroin is his Drug of Choice and also loses himself in other people but in shallow ways. he becomes a party animal but in the worst way and that becomes his "college" is just this whole social scene that he's not even engaging with in a meaningful way bc he's too terrified of earnest closeness with another human being

meanwhile his grades tank and he just...stops going. needless to say he becomes very much a disaster of a human being at the end of this. the thing is tho..its all self-internalized. he doesnt take it out on other ppl or even want to make it other ppls problems. he tries to just come off as this rly fun guy whos up for literally anything. and like yeah ppl who hang w him enough can definitely See Somethings Up but he's literally just like oh its nothing! its fine im fine! bc no if he opens up about anything everyones gonna hate and abandon him

and unfortunately this gets back to his mom and she uh...cuts him off. completely. if he wont get cleaned up. if he wont just...BE better jst DONT be this trainwreck of a son or else. dont associate with her. thinking maybe itd be a shock enough he'd just Get Better? (lmao) but lmao no. and he rly spirals bad after that but luckily his dad and his sister still sneak contact with him, doing what they can? with someone who doesnt wanna make anything anyone elses' problem and insists he's fine everythings. Fine.

what Does finally have him like?? find hope again? and cling to it and start to eventually put his life back on its feet again depends on the story im writing but something eventually always does and he always has the same Sponsor to help him :'3 darius...(his old roommate from when he was a teacher at thornville..remember that guy? yea rewrote him into here in a different way) and idk..things do look up for andrew! it's just...a very much uphill battle and that's kinda usually where i place him in like Current Events in whatever sceneario/story im thinking of is after he's gotten on his feet (shakily but he's there) and he's usually a mechanic (sometimes moonlights as a necromancer for hire as well) and he's Working himself up to trying college again but hes taking his time. and he's got some sort of support circle (darius, ji-hoon, and sometimes others)

ji-hoon he actually meets as one of his roommates in college and it takes a lot of Effort from ji-hoon but he sees andrew struggling and kinda nags his way into his life to help and is usually one of the reasons andrew gets inspired to get better bc ji-hoon is literally everything julian wasnt but like in a good way. he cares, unconditionally about ppl in general but especially andrew because idk they just Click right. and like i said in another post, ji-hoon's family basically adopts andrew as well and they're so affectionate and loving and give lots of affirmations and stuff and andrew probably cries bc he's never felt that much love tbh and then feels like shit abt it bc crying is dumb, but then everyone else cries too (happy tears) and its like oh

idk this is where i start having lot sof tangential thoughts so ill leave it here but uh! yeah! so that's the story of julian and andrew! and the damage it did! and yes! this is true in every iteration of andrew ive ever written! (the julian and childhood family stuff part, not necessarily all the rest that comes after, a lot of that's new)

[aronerd]

I think I must have been ‘gifted’ in a different way, or just wasn’t gifted at all and was just above average academically. I got a lot of concepts much easier than my peers, but I also was pretty good at studying and completing my schoolwork. I was a meticulous note taker and from a young age and well organised, with colour-coded files and folders - I actually really enjoyed these things and took to them with gusto without prompting. I was also used to doing extra tuition like Kumon and Northshore, read voraciously, and spent a lot of time doing creative writing.

I was good at things not just bc I picked up on the concepts quickly, but bc I practiced. But doing the practice and the study just came easily to me back then. I was good at focusing on my set tasks at school and at home. I did the extra exercises and readings bc it interested me or bc I had extra time in class while others were busy mucking around or talking. I also had support from parents and older siblings who taught me study skills.

And then at the end of high school, I became super burnt out and depressed, and since then all those things have been really hard for me. I struggle to pay attention in class and absorb information. Watching lectures and taking notes and doing the extra readings now feels like a monumental effort, where before I could easily jump into those tasks. Studying and completing assignments became extremely difficult and stressful. Organising things also became difficult bc even thinking about uni or studying would prompt extreme anxiety and avoidance. I know how to study, but I can’t seem to make myself do it anymore, even when I really want to and am interested in the topic, when it used to come so naturally.

people misunderstand what ‘gifted kid’ actually means but it’s ok it’s fine it’s cool it’s good

[tismcosmology]

My grades are all officially in finally!! and so, an end of term review of my classes, how I did, what I did well, and what I need to improve on for next term.

MATH - Calculus 1

Final Grade: 67

worst class overall by quite a bit, but honestly? im really happy with how I did. I went into this course extremely unprepared bc i never took high school calc, just a college level course that did not cover everything I needed, and spent the whole term playing catchup.

Need to get more in the habit of doing practice questions daily, and not just a few days before the quizzes. Also. making a note to not trust a thing the TAs say and just read the syllabus (looking at the TA that told me there were no more online weekly assignments and i didnt find out he was wrong until the last month)

CS - Intro to Python

Final Grade: 86 !!

I forgot how much I enjoyed coding. Almost sad I dont have another CS class until next year (almost). Im very happy with how I did, and I think the main thing that brought down my grade were the assignments I missed, which shouldnt be as much of an issue now that I have accommodations. I think I had a good time management schedule and started the assignments early (mainly bc they were more fun to do than math or phys)

PHYS - Mechanics

Final Grade: 81

After the mess that was the second midterm im just glad I did well on the final. Not much to say about this other than im glad its over holy hell. I enjoyed it but oh my god.

Need to make sure I continue starting the practice questions basically as soon as theyre out/covered in class, and i want to start reading the textbook before lectures (which i can actually do now that i dont have morning classes every day!). Making a note to go to office hours more this term (as long as theyre not directly over another one of my classes again) and finding more study buddies to drag into our ever growing group

PHYS - Mechanics Lab

Final Grade: 79

Overall? Meh. The lab itself was fun, I enjoyed the act of doing experiments and recording them, my groupmates were fantastic, but the goddamn time crunch was horrendus. I was so stressed the entire time about finishing lab notes on time that I barely absorbed anything. I was firmly placed in charge of data collection and so I havent the slightest clue how to plot data in excel or use the statistical formulas we were taught, but goddamn can i operate a motion sensor.

For future terms, i Need to get better at understanding the pre and post labs and actually understanding what we're doing before going in, and not in the last 15 minutes

ENGL - Communications

Final Grade: 82

I enjoyed this class a lot, my prof was fantastic and my groupmates for the final project were also amazing. Has only made me reconsider my profession slightly. But the interest in sociology of science and fixing the academic system is real

Time management kinda sucked here ngl, I think because it was lower on my priority list and so got done last. There was a 5% assignment due last day of class I completely just forgot to do, and a few weekly worksheets I didnt finish. Thankfully I dont have any more communication classes but I need to keep that in mind for future non-stem electives I take that writing things is in fact time consuming

FR - Intermediate French

Final Grade: 81

Honestly? Suprised I did this well. I was bombing the in person tests but acing the assignments and I think thats mostly because of spelling. My oral and listening assignments I did well on. Idk if im going to continue in another year, I really just want my DELF status. As long as I can pass a B2 exam i could care less

Overall Average: 79 !

Im. super happy with how I did tbh. calc defiently brought my average down but I passed !!!!!!🎉🎉🎉 looking foward to next term starting monday :)))

[thedeadthree]

POLINA (dceu/bop) // VIKTORIYA (cyberpunk 2077) // VERLAINE (the golden rose) // LAMIA (the fall) // MORGAINE (fnv) // LIRINWEN (the elder scrolls)

my dears @preachercuster and @adelaidedrubman tagged me to make the girls in this cutest picrew! thank u sm loves!

TAGGING: @griffin-wood, @blackreaches, @risingsh0t, @florbelles, @cobb-vanthss, @heroofpenamstan, @shellibisshe, @yennas, @nokstella, @belorage, @blissfulalchemist, @chuckhansen, @aceghosts, @leviiackrman, @marivenah, @lustyargonianmaid, @rosebarsoap and you! 🖤

[kakiwrites]

the eventful internship

Genre: fluff??

A shuntarou chishiya x reader

Warning: manga/season 2 spoilers!! This story is tied to chishiya's backstory so please look away

Synopsis: shuntarou chishiya is the most interesting person on your first day of internship. Why was he always smirking? Why did he always hang back and stay far from the others? Why does your heart beat out of your chest when you see him?

a/n: GUESS WHO'S BACK!! I have chishiya fever bcs of that stupid trailer with our lovely boyyyyy!! So here, have this little intern romance fic! Sorry if the pacing/flow is wonky, i’m a bit rusty-

They say the first day is always the hardest.

You've always wanted to be a doctor. It's been your lifelong dream. After how many years of med school, you were finally able to get an internship at a hospital in Tokyo. To say you were nervous would be an understatement. It was your first day. Anything can happen. Your hands were shaking and sweaty as you entered the hospital, excited and anxious to see the place you'll be staying at and meeting your fellow interns.

Surprisingly, things were going smoothly. You introduced yourself to your fellow interns flawlessly. Your resident was nice and showed you the ropes, and your rounds were silent. The patients were understanding and nice. There wasn't really anything noteworthy that day. 

Well, there was someone.

You took notice of a long, blonde-haired man who stood in the back of the room most of the time. Chishiya, the other interns called him. He kept his distance from the group, always wearing some sort of smirk on his face. It was interesting, to say the least. Why was he always smiling like that? Did he think he was better than everyone else? Is he actually better than everyone else?

You wanted to learn more.

So you decided to ask the other interns about him. "oh, chishiya?" one of them asked, subtly gesturing to the blonde male for confirmation. You nodded your head at them. "He stays a step behind everyone, but you'll be surprised he's already answering the resident's questions and giving diagnoses without a hitch. He always has this smirk on his face and," the intern shivered. You assumed the cocky look on chishiya's face flashed in their mind. "I don't know. He's just so intimidating. You should stay away from him,"

You knew you should've listened. They've been with him for longer than you have. but you couldn't shake the growing feeling of wanting to get to know him. You wanted to talk to him, see what he's like with your own eyes. 

That leads you to your current predicament, you and Chishiya standing in the back in silence while you watch the resident perform a couple of tests on a patient.

You wanted to start a conversation with him, maybe a hello and introduce yourself but his dead eyes were fixated on the procedure in front of you as if he didn't notice your presence lingering beside him.

You glanced at him from time to time. Maybe he was just a passionate guy, absorbed in the lecture. Maybe he was just ignoring you, not wanting to deal with the curious, naïve fresh meat or maybe-

"you should keep your eyes on the procedure instead of staring at me, newbie," chishiya said, his brown eyes still fixed on the resident's movements. His tone was just what you expected,  light and mocking. With his hands stuffed in his white coat and his smirk never leaving his face, his whole demeanor gave off a sort of superior vibe. He felt like he was above everyone else. With that confidence, he just might be.

You didn't know if you were more intimidated or interested.

You opened your mouth to apologize only to be interrupted by the louder voice in the front. "so, can anyone tell me the next step of this exam?" the resident asked, their eyes scanning all the other interns who diverted their gazes to avoid being called. Those eyes finally landed on you. Your throat felt dry as you watched the resident open their mouth to call on you. You definitely weren't paying attention. What was the procedure anyway? Can you just make up your answer? Maybe you can answer it with common sense. You quickly try to remember what the procedure was and its previous steps but came up empty. You braced yourself for your first embarrassment of the day.

Before your name could even leave the resident's lips, the tall blonde beside you spoke up, the air growing light as he recited the next few steps in great detail. It was like he was reading it straight from the textbook. He was just repeating everything from the top of his head.

Wow, he really was above everyone else.

You only realized you were staring when Chishiya turned to look at you, his smirk growing wider and his stance growing taller, it was like his ego was growing every second you kept your eyes on him. "am I really that interesting?"

You were taken aback at the question. "wha-"

"You've been staring for quite a while. Can't take your eyes off me?"

You feel your cheeks heat up. He just saved you from humiliation, and you had the audacity to stare at him like he was some kind of painting. You tried to explain yourself, but the words kept getting stuck in your throat. Chishiya laughed at your struggle.

Before you could say something, your group began to head off to a different area for your rounds. Chishiya followed behind them, leaving you in the dust as you tried to regain your thoughts.

What the fuck just happened?

You quickly scrambled to catch up to the group. You glanced at Chishiya once more. He must’ve felt so cool with his antics earlier. You wanted to tell him off. You wanted to to tell him that showing off his knowledge was unnecessary, that you could've handled it, and that his cocky, high attitude is why the other interns are so afraid of him. But you couldn't bring yourself to do that. So you went with the next best thing.  "sorry… for causing you trouble," you apologized, keeping your gaze on the floor. Chishiya didn't bat an eye at your apology, seemingly ignoring you.

"I'm (y/n) by the way," you said, wanting to change the subject. Chishiya only chuckled at your attempt.

"if it'll get you off my tail, I'm chishiya," the blonde said, not even glancing at you. "now, let me tell you something, newbie," he stopped in his tracks. You looked up from the floor, confused. What did he just call you? You stopped to look back at him.

"the name's (y/n)-"

"right, I don't care," he brushed it off, swatting the air carelessly. "why don't you waddle back to the other interns and stuck-ups, listen to the resident, and finally leave me alone, yeah?"

Chishiya took a second to savor your stunned expression before heading off to catch up to the other interns.

The next few weeks went by like a blur as you were swamped with new patients, more paperwork, and more interactions with Chishiya.

Despite his words on your first day, he didn't seem to mind your presence when you chose to keep standing beside him in the back of the group.

After that close call with the resident, you vowed never to embarrass yourself like that again. You kept close attention to what they were discussing and made sure to hit the books every once in a while. You were able to answer a handful of the resident's questions before Chishiya could even show off.

"looks like I have my work cut out for me," Chishiya muttered with that same sing-song tone once again after you beat him to the punch. You turned to glance at him. He was sporting his usual smirk. Only this time, you can see a notable scrunch on his brow, his eye twitching in annoyance.

You would do anything to see that frustrated expression again. 

And so the rivalry began.

To other interns, you and Chishiya had been as close as ever. You would be seen sitting at the same table together, studying, talking to one another in hushed tones, and standing next to one another as you took turns answering the resident. In their eyes, you were the new dynamic duo. If one of you were there, the other wouldn't be too far away.

Everybody wanted to have what you have.

If only they knew what was really happening.

What looked to be innocent study sessions were actually heated quiz bees where you placed a set amount of time on reading as much as you could from the textbook and then rapid-fire questions at one another until the timer ended. Whenever one of you gets the answer wrong, which is rare, the other would gloat hard.

"pfft," chishiya chuckled mockingly at you, watching you struggle to answer his question. "it's such an elementary question, newbie. Here i was thinking we were equals,"  The timer on your phone was close to 0 but your brain doesn't want to recall the answer.

"i'm trying, okay?" you said, frustrated. Your alarm hit 0, the beep irritatingly loud in your ears. You looked up from the table to see chishiya smirking at you, amused by your failure.

"dear (y/n) can't even remember that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?"

"IT WAS ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE OKAY?"

The hushed whispers were actually just the two of you taunting and annoying one another. At first, it was hard not to let chishiya's teasing remarks get on your nerves, but with time, you could start living with it.

"aww, you couldn't even get a word in earlier~" you said, nudging him as you walked to your next patient.

Chishiya could only snarl at you as he silently continued walking, not wanting to give into your teasing.

He retaliated by speeding and leaving you in the hallway, where you proceeded to get lost for the next thirty minutes. 

Finally, What looked to be simple acts of chivalry were actually the two of you fighting tooth and nail to answer the resident first.

"you bitch, I know this. move," you said confidently, shoving chishiya out of the way to be seen over other interns’ shoulders. That method seemed to work as the resident called on you and you recited your answer.

 You were shocked to see the resident shake their head. "ah, but you're missing something, (y/n)," the resident pointed out, looking around for any other hands wanting to answer.

You could feel chishiya's amused stare burning holes in the side of your head as he slowly raised his hand and got called.

With his grating, teasing voice, he answered the question. The resident greeted his answer with a smile and a confirming nod.

You weren't sure why the other interns want to have what you have.

Maybe they wanted someone to annoy them every second of the day. Maybe they want the privilege of getting an academic rival.

Or maybe they want to experience the unintentional touches, the longing gazes, and feel their heartbeat quicken when he gets close.

You dismissed that last thought. That was what you felt. Chishiya would never let himself feel that way, right?

Right?

You didn't want to take any chances. You needed to ride your feelings out before they get worse before chishiya catches on and gets affected.

Before he uses your feelings to his advantage and breaks your heart.

So you did what you thought was best.

You started to distance yourself.

Instead of standing next to chishiya during your rounds, you chose to stand in front of the group. Instead of bugging him like you usually do, you kept silent and avoided his questioning gaze. And Instead of barging into his little bubble during your breaks, You chose to sit at a different table this time, leaving him alone with his textbooks and notes.

It didn't take long for chishiya to catch on.

He didn't know why but he felt empty without your teasing smiles and your soft voice. He felt empty without your nudging and your competitive spirit.

He felt empty without you.

Your plan of avoiding him was short-lived, however when Chishiya pulled you out of the group and into one of the quieter hallways.

Chishiya could only let out a soft, irritated breath. "mind telling me why you stopped bugging me?" he asked. 

"Maybe because I want to stop bugging you?" you answered with common sense. That wasn't the answer Chishiya was looking for.

"that's the thing," Chishiya said, annoyed at your answer. "you always make it a point to bug me one way or another. You stand next to me in the back every day even though I specifically told you not to. You sit at my table and insist we study together when I can study just fine on my own. You always start bickering in my ear, and it just annoys me to no end-"

"If you're annoyed, why are you looking for answers? I'm already leaving you alone; isn't that enough?"

"I want to know why. Why did you suddenly stop? Why now?"

You crossed your arms over your chest. Should you tell him the true reason why you were distancing yourself from him? how your heartbeat begins to quicken every time he gets near? How your breath hitches every time he smirks at you?

Should you tell chishiya that you fell for him?

You finally looked at the blonde man in front of youu, looking into his expectant brown eyes. You willed yourself to open your mouth, to spill your thoughts, your symptoms, your feelings. You willed yourself to tell the truth.

 only to be interrupted by the loud crackle of fireworks and the bright hospital lights suddenly turning off.

CLIFFHANGER WOOP WOOP- sorry if the ending seems a bit rushed. I've been working on this piece for a while and I am honestly running out of writing juice- sorry if this isn't on par with my normal writing- I'm still a bit rusty! Hope you guys enjoyed!!

General taglist (don’t be shy to comment your tumblr @ below): @tokyoghoose @macaronnv @reogou @midnightangelfox @wumboho @seiijixcia @tessabrown101

[jjtheclown555]

keep in mind this is based on my practices and im using practices that many pagan, wiccan, and spiritual people do!! also ik goo is ooc at the end, im sorry but its 4am and i want soft love rn so thats what im writing😭also yes its low quality, i only spent like an hour and a half actually working on it...anyways off to bed i go bc i have an exam tmrw at 9:30am so idk why im still awake, god help me and tell my to stop typing

Goo with a spiritual girl

One of the first times you met Goo he asked about your necklace. The blue circular eye hanging off the black string. He said he had seen them before and questioned it.

"It's an evil eye, for spiritual protection." You explain. He only looks more confused though.

He hums and asks how it protects anything. "If someone comes to attack you, how does a necklace protect you?" He asks.

You chuckle, "Like I said, it's for spiritual protection." You elaborate on your original point, clarifying. "Let's say someone is jealous of you-"

"Who wouldn't be jealous of me?" He interrupts, his grin widening as you let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Hush," you say. "All the people that are most definitely jealous of you send you negative energy. The evil eye returns a look, sending that energy back to them so it can't affect your life." You continue, "Many people in turn believe that when your evil eye is lost or breaks, it means that it's done its service in protecting you, but it has absorbed too much negativity and you need to replace it to regain your protection."

He listens carefully as you explain all the ins and outs of its purpose, both in your beliefs and the beliefs of others. Goo doesn't understand much of your rambles, but it's nice to see you blather on.

His next questions happened when you had been dating awhile and moved in with him. As he watched you litter his penthouse with incense holders, crystals, and plants, he got curious again.

"Is this all for spiritual protection too?" He asks, his tone mocking on the words 'spiritual protection.' You just roll your eyes and ignore him. "C'mon, tell me!" He pleads, holding your hands between his with an exaggerated pleading face.

All you can do is sigh and explain the purpose of each thing. You tell him that each crystal has a different metaphysical effect—which he cuts off, asking if he could sell some for a pretty penny—and each type of incense can have different benefits as well.

"And the plants?" He tilts his head. "Are those spiritual or do you just like plants?"

"Both." You say, potting a fern. "I like plants but I also like having pieces of nature around me all the time."

He kisses the top of your head and holds your waist from behind. "That is adorable, princess." He sways you from side to side, asking to hear more just to watch your excited rambling (and maybe gain a little more ammo to tease you with later.)

Goo sneaks up on you while you shuffle your cards, surprising you with a soft kiss against your collar. You drop the cards, watching them scatter across the coffee table.

"Whoops!" He says, watching you pick them up. "I would help but I don't need another, 'Don't touch my witchy shit,' lecture."

You look back at him as you even out your cards. "Be respectful," you start. "And that's just my crystals and such because even unintentionally they will absorb any negativity." You place the cards onto the table with care. "What can I do for you, Goo?"

He sits next to you on the couch, eyes sparkling so much they could blind you. "I want you to give me a reading!" He says. It's less of a request and more of a command, something you hardly have time for.

You ruffle his hair affectionately to contradict you words. "I thought it was, 'witchy shit,' was it not?" He halfheartedly apologizes—not that any sense of regret was really in it. While teasing, you do enjoy seeing him take an interest in your practices. "What is your question, hun?"

He thinks, "Can I have two?" You nod. "The first one is, how will my financials be in the future? Will I be rolling in an even bigger pile of cash? I know the answer, but some confirmation would be nice."

You do the reading and it proves his point, each card describing a more luscious life than the last. So, you ask for his next question, the teensiest bit disappointed that you couldn't put him in his place just for a moment.

"What will our relationship be like a year from now?"

You look up a little shocked. It's not that you didn't know Goo loved you. It was a fact difficult to miss. But seeing him question it through your beliefs, through what matters to you instead of turning the reading into a joke, it made you soft.

You smiles a bit and reshuffle the cards, knocking on the deck three times before shuffling again and waiting as cards drop.

The first is the two of cups. The lord of love. He notices it written on the bottom and his manic smiles turns softer, seeing a small piece of happiness. Then the wheel of fortune. Lord of the forces of life. He presumes it's positive since it's upright, he's seen you do this enough times to know upright cards tended to be a good thing. The final card to appear is the lovers. He doesn't need to look at the bottom to know what that means.

You go on your spiel. Goo doesn't believe in this stuff. He doesn't think cards can tell the future. He doesn't think crystals can protect you, heal you, or attract good things. He doesn't think incense protects your home. But this. This he believes in.

He listens intently as you talk about the close bond you'll have thanks to the two of cups. He wonders what changes will come in the year from the wheel of fortune. And he believes each word about the intense spiritual bond you'll have from the lovers.

When you finish your explanation, he holds on tightly to you, not a worry in the world as he takes a moment to understand why you believe in this. He may not, but he can still see the beauty in your beliefs.

It's the moment he finally understands you. Where his teasing and joking becomes less genuine.

When he finds beauty in your view of love.

You lie back in bed, taking deep breaths in and out, focusing solely on calming each bone in your body. You reach your peace, continuing to focus and reach deeper into your mind when something large bounces on the bed, startling you out of your calmed state. Turning to look, you see Goo, smiling as per usual at your grumpy face and enjoying the way your lips form a pout at him.

He pulls you towards him, "You meditate every night and I just wanna cuddle and sleep!" He groans. You can feel the water on his bare chest from his shower just moments before. You shove him away and sit up, closing your eyes and attempting to regain your meditative state but he pulls you back. "It's late, princess! Let's sleep!"

When your head hits the pillow and you feel his arms envelope you completely, you almost instantly feel your eyes begin to get drowsy. "Fine." You mumble at him, easy into a more comfortable position. "But you're meditating with me tomorrow."

He promises he will, drifting into dreamworld without much thought and you already know he won't make due on his promise. Not that you care. Him holding you is soothing enough to make up for a lifetime of missed meditations.

It's finally that time of year. The eve of the summer solstice. You ask him if he wants to stay up with you and he agrees so you drag him to the nearest beach to sit together and watch the sunrise. You had packed everything you would need to stay out all night.

The day speeds by when you are both together. He watches you lay out offerings and enjoys the food you had spent all day making the day prior.

You both talk the whole day through. Some of it is jokes from Goo with heartwarming laughter that you return, some is discussion of what the solstice is and what it means and why you celebrate it, but most of it is meaningless banter that seems to come most often when it's just you both in each others presence.

By the end of the day though, you are completely exhausted as you lay in the sand of the beach once more. Goo doesn't allow it though. "You said this was the best part of the day, so up! I'll light the fire, c'mon, Y/N!" He takes the matchbox and lights the bonfire. Pocketing it, he reaches his hands out as you come closer so he can pull you in and begin dancing together.

"This is nice..." You say while he twirls you around. He agrees, keeping you on your feet until the sun has fully set behind you, pink and orange hues disappearing as darkness falls over you both.

Goo leans in for a kiss. It's different than most. It's soft, gentle even. He doesn't say much after, presumably tired out from the day you spent out with no sleep whatsoever. Only a few words come out while he drapes his arm over your shoulder and walks with you back to the car. "We can do this next year too." He says before his signature grin pulls his cheeks up—more genuine than most of his smiles—and a chuckle escapes him. "The cards said so."

[peanutpmingib]

Boyfriend!juyeon headcannons

Now presenting, Juyeon as ur college boyfie

Watch it : nothing ! It’s all basically fluff, let me know if I need to add anything

Word count : 500+

——-

- Psychology/ethics major, dance minor

- Prolly met u on accident while rushing to get to class, Or just by pure chance

- So he calls u his lucky charm, bc u make every day lucky by being with him aweee

- Honestly most ppl prolly see him as a little intimidating bc he’s the guy in the back end of the lecture hall who’s quiet, maybe a little judgy, but just trying to absorb all the info he can before his caffeine boost runs out

- He’s soft spoken and reserved, a little shy when u first start talking

- Has a habit of chewing on pen caps when he’s nervous

- He thinks ur super cool ! Just doesn’t know how to go about expressing that so he thinks of what he would want someone to do for him

- Ends up getting u coffee when he runs into u in the mornings

- If u don’t like coffee don’t fret, he’ll ask what’s ur fav drink and get that instead

- He’ll go all red, rubbing the back of his neck if you so much as thank him

- When he realizes he actually likes you he loses his mind and convinces himself there’s no way you’d feel the same

- A be a little oblivious so it takes some encouragement from ppl like Eric and Sunwoo that, “dude, they totally like you”

- Asks you out on a date and the rest is history

- Honestly he’s just so sweet and kind and just so :(((

- Prefers to links arms rather then hold hands most of the time

- Soft whispers of compliments

- Warm hugs and steady hands

- Always just a call away if u need anything

- So eager to understand more of who you are

- Prefers to call u like darling, love, sometimes just simply baby

- Says the softest shit

- “Your so pretty my love “

- Likes to be called puppy, handsome, pretty boy :((

- Big baby in the morning

- “Darling please…just, cuddles some more…”

- How can u say no?

- STUDY DATES

- As soon as finals r over he’s in ur bed napping for a week straight to make up for lost time

- Loves seeing you wear his clothes, thinks it’s adorable

- U officially have “scary dog privilege” bc best believe ppl r not coming anywhere near you when they see Juyeon holding your waist close

- Maybe be a little jealous and possessive it’s never weird or overwhelming

- Like if josh from ur chem class is over for a project he doesn’t care, by all means project away

- Butttt if jake from English has been replying to ur stories with pick lines and tries to get u to walk with him on campuses Juyeon will not be thrilled

- Juyeon has critical thinking skills okay

- Random pecks on ur lips

- Introduces u to all his friends !

- Takes u to dance practice sometimes but it makes him rly nervous and shy

- Eric is actually so mean to him about it and makes fun of him alll the time bc he’s so gone for u it’s rly funny

- Doesn’t like to be blasted all over social media, kinda thinks it’s bad luck

- Prefers more candid pics where u can barely make out the two of you so ppl are always asking about what’s up with u two, but u just reply with :)

- All in all, he’s a sweet heart with a heart too big for him to know what to do with at times and loves you with all of it. Patient and understanding, and just so cute omfg. Treat him well ! He’s a keeper

[thedaredevilsgirl]

Hi! Can you do one where Tom Holland and Reader are dating but they hit a bump in the road halfway through the relationship when the reader and Tom get into an argument over how the Reader is getting a bunch of hate from Toms fans, not to mention, she’s been stressed out bc Toms fans are coming to the ER,where she works as a Trauma Surgeon, and are causing chaos and Tom gets pissed at her saying “it’s not like it’s my fault but since you’re getting so angry you don’t have to worry about them anymore because we’re done”. The reader gets sad and goes to a close friend, Sebastian Stan, and they end up sleeping together. She finds out she’s pregnant and Tom calls her saying he didn’t mean what he said and they get back together, she tells Tom that she’s pregnant with Sebastians baby and he tells her that he won’t go anywhere, that he’s not mad, and that he wants to be with her for forever and that he’ll be by her side through it all. I’m sorry if this is confusing or super long :(

Broken Heart

Warning: Very angsty.

Word count:1152

A/N: I apologize for the delay in answering your ask dear and thank you for being patient.

Part 2

You are angry and sad.

You had to leave your job through the back door for fear that someone would stop you if you left through the main entrance, someone scratched your car, and you had to listen to a lecture from your boss because of the little commotion that was going on outside the hospital because of you.

As soon as you got into your car, you let the tears fall and a cry of agony leave your body, why did it have to be so hard? Couldn't you just love someone in peace? Would you have to put up with it for the rest of your life?

You still remembered the day you met Tom two years ago, a time when everything seemed so much easier.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

You were working in pediatrics at the time. You walked into the office and saw a boy between your 12 or 13 years old with his arm in a cast, you smile at him kindly before speaking.

"Hi, I'm Y/N and you?"

"I'm Paddy" the redheaded boy replies returning the smile shyly.

"Hi Paddy, where are your parents?" He asks seeing that he was alone there.

"I came with my older brother, he went to the snack machine".

A man enters soon after with several packages of snacks in his hands.

"Paddy, I didn't know which one you would want so I brought all kinds" as soon as his gaze meets yours he drops all the packages on the floor "Sorry, I didn't know the doctor had already come in".

"It's okay" you say laughing.

"I'm Tom, his brother".

"I know who you are, I've seen a movie of you" you say smiling as you analyze Paddy's arm.

"So you're a fan" he tries to flirt.

"No, but I watched it with my best friend, you probably know him"

"Do I?" He asks suspiciously.

"Yes, Sebastian Stan"

"He's your best friend?"

"Yeah, quite a while actually, he said something about you a little star having two assistants and drinking boxed juice" You laugh as he blushes "don't worry, I know he was just joking"

"Yeah, he and Anthony love to make jokes with me, it's funny except when it makes me awkward around pretty girls" he flirts.

"Well Paddy your arm is almost fully healed, I think we can have it out by next week" you say smiling at Paddy.

"Thank you Dr.Y/N" the redhead smiles.

"Just Y/N please"

Paddy leaves the room first but Tom is still there looking at you in amazement for some reason.

"Since we have a friend in common, maybe you could meet me later for coffee, or dinner maybe" you chuckle at his attempt to take you out.

"Sorry Mr. Holland, but I don't go out with my patients"

"But I am not your patient, Paddy is, I am just the chaperone".

"You have a point, but anyway I think the rule applies to chaperones too" you smile.

But Tom didn't give up, he called Sebastian asking for her number and tried to win her over every day since he met her. He said he had found his soul mate as soon as he walked into that office. And everything was so easy with him, at least until now.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

Most of the relationship was kept secret, you both thought it was for the best, you liked your private life and Tom knew that some of his fans could be very aggressive and he wanted to protect you from all this, but a month ago pictures of Tom kissing you leaked in the media. It took less than five minutes for the hate messages to fill your Instagram, last week you had been followed by a paparazzi and after today it seemed like everything was really falling apart.

You saw Tom's car in front of the building where you lived and you are thankful that you at least had his no to comfort you at that moment.

"Hi" you say in a low voice as you walk into your house.

"Hi honey" he gets up to hug you "Hey what happened?" he asks when you start crying on his shoulder, he sits down next to you on the couch holding you in his arms.

"Your fans invaded my work today."

"What?" he asks to make sure you understand correctly.

"I'm surprised it's not already all over the gossip sites" you say angrily "Since lately they love to invade our privacy".

"Honey, you have to understand that the life of someone famous, I know it's terrible, but we have to learn to deal with it and get over it".

"Your fans scratched the word bitch on my car.

"They just love me too much," he replies.

"Your fans come into my work to curse me, they scratch my car, they call me a bitch" he stands up angrily "And you're saying they did it out of love? What kind of love is that?

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" He gets angry too.

"Dramatic?" You shout, "I almost got fired because of that little show of theirs, and I'm being dramatic?

"If you can't accept my fans, you can't accept me," he shouts.

"Oh my God, did you stop for a minute to listen to yourself? It has nothing to do with accepting them or accepting you, it's that a lot of them are hurting me" she says between tears "Do you think I like seeing people on the internet judging what I eat or wear, telling me I'm too fat and too ugly to be your girlfriend? I love you, I love you very much, but this," she says referring to her fans, "is going to destroy our relationship.

"Then maybe we shouldn't have a relationship" he says in a lower voice.

"What?" She asks startled.

"This is hurting you, so we should end it, so you won't have any more pain" he gets up from the couch and avoids looking at you.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I'm sorry Y/N, but yes, I am breaking up with you."

You sit in silence for a few minutes, absorbing his words, get up from the couch angrily and look at him.

"Since we're breaking up you better take this" he plucks the necklace from your neck and throws it in your face, it was a small gold heart necklace with his initials engraved on it, he had given it to you on their anniversary the same day he had said he loved her for the first time.

"Y/N..." He tries to say.

"Go away" he doesn't move "GO AWAY NOW."

He sighs, takes out your house keys that he had and leaves them on your desk before leaving your house.

You collapse as soon as he leaves, picking up the phone and dialing the number of the person you knew would support you unconditionally.

"Tom and I broke up" you speak as soon as he answers "Sebastian, I need you..."

[ackerfics]

hi! i don’t know if you’re taking requests but if you are would you be interested in a soulmate au with mikasa. i adore soulmates au a lot! mikasa x fem!reader (aot cast reincarnated into the modern world and they get to have a happy and not stressful life)

she is half of my soul, as the poets say  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (soulmate au)

— warnings: none, just fluff

— summary: you finally found each other.

— word count: 3.2k

— author’s notes: thank you so much for the request !! i hope you enjoy reading this because i had a blast putting this all together. plus, i couldn't help but place a quote from 'the song of achilles' bc that was a masterpiece.

Underwater.

Your surroundings were submerged in the depths of the ocean to you.

The professor in front of the lecture hall continued his lesson in a cacophony of white noise. The occasional flipping of textbooks and the clacking of the keyboard droned, a majority of the students tried taking down what the middle-aged man was reciting. You should be doing those, too, but there was something about your day that made you want to skip class and bury yourself in a mound of blankets. The air-conditioning wasn’t helping at all, it just made you drift away, even more, images of flying people and humanoid giants flickering through your mind. Even your vision was becoming blurry as you stared at the seat in front of you, not noticing how your Ethics professor dismissed your class with a reminder of the paper that was due the following week. You were still seated as most of the students stood up, eager to spend the rest of their day inside their dormitories and apartments.

“[Name].” Somebody called out to you but the raw feeling of swinging in midair acted like a bubble, keeping you from going back to reality. The voice groaned in frustration at your lack of response. “Earth to [Name]! Hey, wake up!”

You shook out of your stupor with a blink, turning your head slowly at the person waiting for you. You took in her casual attire, so different from the daydream you were in. At first, you didn’t know about your whereabouts, making you look around the lecture hall — empty except for the two of you and the professor at front. The feeling of confusion once again dominated your sound mind as you breathed out, “Where am I? I thought I was just outside in this desert and I was surrounded by people who were crying like they were a hopeless case. Then there was someone screaming my name, saying they wouldn’t let me go.”

The person pursed their lips, concerned and slightly creeped out at the nonsense coming out of your mouth. There weren’t any deserts near you right now because you two were in the middle of the city, inside a university. The way you phrased those words sounded like a plot from an apocalyptic movie you were bound to binge during academic breaks. There were accounts scattered around the internet about reincarnation that the person drank in the early hours of dawn when they couldn’t go to sleep but witnessing it in front of them, was another whole level of conspiracy theories. A hand was planted on your shoulder, your friend smiling sympathetically at you, knowing that you sometimes have these episodes inside your shared apartment. The look you gave them was enough to erase the wariness bubbling in your friend’s stomach, which spurred them to gather your things and placing them inside your backpack. Your friend worked in silence, however, they were aware of the stare you never took off from the side of their head.

“In case you don’t remember me,” your friend looked up at you with a twinkle of mischief in their irises, “I’m Hitch and I’m your roommate.” She was speaking to you as if you were a toddler, something that made annoyance tickle your chest.

“Hitch?” You mumbled, looking down on your lap for a solid minute until you gasped out loud, the sound echoing inside the lecture hall without any warning. The professor looked up from his seat, glare already in place at the disruption you caused. You buried your face in your hands, face erupting in hues of red because of the embarrassment creeping in your throat. “Oh, my God, don’t tell me I did it again.”

Hitch nodded with a shrug. “I mean, I’m used to your episodes but it always amazed me how you wake up from them all disoriented.” Finishing with her task of tidying your bag, she pulled on your arm. “I think I should record whatever you say next time, this could be my viral moment.” When you gave her a dry glare, she laughed. “Oh, come on, think of the possibilities! But pushing that aside, let’s have dinner first.”

“Hitch, it’s only four in the afternoon.”

She scoffed lightheartedly. “We can always have a midnight snack later. Right now, I’m craving something savory.” The two of you went outside the lecture hall’s door, not missing the look of relief from your Ethics professor as you linked your arm with Hitch’s. She turned to you expectantly. “Any ideas for dinner, bub?”

There was a churning feeling inside your stomach, very much like those life-and-death situations during exams where you rely on your gut for the correct answer if the test includes multiple-choice questions. This time, instead of the nagging voice telling you to encircle the first choice, your gut was telling you to head to the café near your university. Aside from their famous coffee blends and teas (the latter being one of their specialties), the café houses a variety of dishes in its menu, which doesn’t make them a café anymore but the owner still insisted that they’ll be known as that establishment. It was more of a restaurant than your regular coffee shop, making it a hit among the students in the University of Eldia, where a majority of the student body was either caffeine-dependent or reliant on fast food take-outs. The quaint café owned by Levi Ackerman was the perfect solution to yours and Hitch’s grumbling stomachs. 

“How about the café just outside of uni?” You suggested, hoping that Hitch will consider the idea.

The said girl hummed, a finger placed on her chin. “The one owned by that grumpy short-stack?” 

“Hey, that’s rude.”

Hitch shrugged without care, hoisting her tote bag up to her shoulder. “Even his cousin calls him that, you know?” At your raised eyebrow, all Hitch could do was laugh at your adorable, clueless expression. Between the two of you, the light-haired girl was the social butterfly in your friendship and you wouldn’t be surprised if she even had an inkling of the gossips happening around your year level. 

“Relax, his cousin is a good person (that is if she doesn’t kill you with her blank stare), along with their little friendship circle. I must say, all of them look so adorable. You remember Annie, right?” She continued when she saw you nod, the mention of the blonde made you remember your time when the three of you shared your apartment. It was a good kind of chaotic, the three of you balancing out each other’s personalities. Annie was always the indifferent one, Hitch the most sociable, and you being the mediator of the two. “She’s dating one of Mikasa’s friends, Armin. Mikasa is the cousin, by the way, and I can clearly see the resemblance between her and the café’s owner. With the permanent scowl and all.”

“Uh-huh.”

You didn’t know what to do with the information so you only hummed and nodded your head every time Hitch spewed out a couple of trivia involving people you have heard down the hallways or being called during roll-calls. She even told you how one of Mikasa’s friends, Sasha Braus, was reprimanded for eating inside the class of an infamous terror teacher, which landed the girl on that professor’s blacklist. The girl, Sasha, was actually in one of your classes but you never really talked to her, all of your attention poured out into absorbing what the teacher relayed in the class. All of Hitch's ramblings spanned the entirety of your walk to the café — a talent your roommate has that amazed you every time it happened. 

The smell of cinnamon greeted you once you stepped inside the café, the homey decorations making your heart warm in an instant. There were a couple of college students in separate tables, all of them draping their textbooks and readings in front of them, headphones plugged in despite the soothing background music brought by the café’s speakers. Now that you mention it in your head, midterms were coming up in a month and you hadn’t started organizing your revisions. As your mind was filled with the scent of flowers and coffee, Hitch tugged on the sleeves of your blouse, your light-haired friend wordlessly gesturing her head towards one of the empty tables overlooking the window showing the small garden beside the café. You nodded and flashed a thumbs-up, already knowing what Hitch’s order is the number of times she went home with take-outs from this establishment.

Thinking that you should order something for a change, you looked up at the menu board above the counter. With your order listed in your mind, you faced the person manning the counter, ready to relay your order to her. What greeted you, though, wasn’t a smiling cashier, instead, wide gray eyes stared at you with a slacked jaw — irises flecked with an emotion that sent your heart lurching inside your chest. She was a tall girl with muscles in the right places, black hair styled in a pixie cut that made you appreciate her features more. You faintly recalled that she was in one of your majors, which should explain the air of familiarity surrounding her. Her hands on the small notepad hovered over the current lilac paper, her posture rod straight as her breath hitched while staring into you. You weren’t sure what made her react like that so you slightly tilted your head back to look at the booths behind you. Hitch caught your eyes, raising her eyebrow in a silent question. Facing the counter attendant again, you were shocked to see that star-like tears were decorating her eyelashes, chapped lips wobbly. 

It felt like you’ve seen that expression too many times but you were sure this was the first time you saw her face to face.

“Oi, Mikasa, why are you stalling?” A short black-haired man entered the space behind the counter, arms crossed and gaze questioning as he took in the breaking form of his employee. “It’s been a full minute and you still didn’t take the customer’s order.” 

“Can I stay in the breakroom for a while?”

Your breath was taken away at the sound of her voice. It sounded like all four seasons were present in the soft-spoken tone she carried, very different from her tough physical appearance. You were left staring at her back, chest nearly bursting open because of how fast your heart pounded just from that sentence. Images of late-night trysts played in your head; of secret kisses that created an ocean of emotions inside you; of eyes looking at each other with tendrils of hope before the gates open, death beckoning you in its arms; of desperate promises, neither person could ever keep. All of them were so familiar and nostalgic that a swarm of butterflies was starting to infest your ribs and chest, sprouting flowers that clogged your throat from speaking. 

Levi glanced at you, eyes analyzing your form with a hint of concern for his relative and wondering what made Mikasa act like that. “Sure, go ahead, brat, your friends are at the back. Hello, ma’am, I’ll be taking your order.”

“Oh, sure,” you murmured before beginning to list down the food you and Hitch will be indulging in, eyes curiously staring at the girl going inside the breakroom. “Uhm, is she going to be alright?” You tried asking Levi, who only looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “It looks like she had a fright here.”

“It’s the first time I saw her in that state, to be honest,” Levi simply answered, with no room for other discussions. “Your drinks will be served shortly.” He gave you a small gadget, his pointer finger pushing a button on the device, making it light up in a blinding red. “Once your drinks are ready, this will light up and you can get it here on the counter. Thank you for your patronage.”

“Thank you, too.”

It was only when you seated yourself in front of Hitch that you realized Mikasa’s voice sounded like the one always shouting your name in your daydreams, failing to keep the promise of never letting you go.

-

Mikasa was a mess.

First, before waking up for her 7 A.M. class one autumn day, she was haunted by the memories of her previous life (or this is what Armin told her, with him also remembering being born again from a different timeline, another universe altogether rather). In that more outdated version of this world, they were on the constant grapple with these beings called Titans. Her dreams became more complex the more time passed by as these Titans disappeared, replacing with it a looming war between two countries. Her daydreams always resulted in tear-stained cheeks, eyes then finding her best friend who started a mass genocide in their previous lives, Eren. When Mikasa remembered that part of her last life, she would often find herself staring deeply at the side of Eren’s head, resulting in the brown-haired man complaining about her soulless eyes. It looked like Eren didn’t remember it, which nearly drove Mikasa mad. 

Until that day Eren came up to her after a three-hour lecture, all haggard with his man-bun in disarray, and shouting, “I’m so sorry for laughing at you, Mikasa! I had a dream during a lecture of those titan things you and Armin are talking about. I believe you!”

Second, the warmth of somebody was a constant in balancing out the horrors of her daydreams. Among the carnage, a body fitting against hers with the morning rays passing through the slit of the windows was a sight she didn’t want to wake up from. Threads of soft hair tickled her cheek, making way for an unforgettable shade of irises that she compared to the crystals they found underneath the Reiss estate. A smile so vibrant that it paled in comparison to the blue expanse of unknown waters they saw after killing all the Titans in Paradis. The smell of freshly picked flowers lingered in the air, acting like the comforting blanket Mikasa had when she was young. At first, she couldn’t see the face of the person but as the episodes became more vivid, Mikasa finally saw the woman of her dreams. 

Pulchritudinous — that’s what you are.

After that encounter with you in the café, Mikasa immediately talked everything out with her two friends.

“So you’re saying that you kind of knew her but you don’t?” Eren pointed out after a spoonful of ice cream. “This is some conspiracy theory shit right here.”

“Eren,” Armin sighed. “This is not one of those videos you watch at 3 A.M., okay?” The blonde glanced at the last member of their little trio, who was pacing in front of them with a queasy expression on her face. “Mikasa, I know you feel like you’re in a pinch but please calm down.”

Eren leaned forward and took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub on the low table. “It’s no use, Armin. You know Mikasa.” He nodded his head towards the said girl. “Once she enters that state, we can’t do anything about it.”

“I know,” Armin trailed off, dejected.

Mikasa buried her hands through her hair. “This was so unexpected.”

“Clearly,” Eren dryly stated.

The blue-eyed boy beside him instantly hit the back of his head. “Eren!”

Mikasa stopped pacing, not hearing how Eren exclaimed ‘finally’, her face and neck erupting in a warm shade of red that made her two friends exchange a concerned glance. Placing a hand on her pounding chest, she murmured with half-lidded eyes, “She’s much more beautiful than my dreams depicted her to be.”

Armin breathed out a silent ‘oh’ while Eren snickered, “Great, she turned into a simp,” to which the former slapped another hand at the back of the green-eyed boy’s head.

“That explains it,” the black-haired girl exclaimed. “There were times where a voice inside my head tells me to be at this specific place at a specific time.” (“I’m concerned,” Eren stage-whispered to Armin.) “While applying for this university, I had a feeling that I should take up medical sciences. Every time I’m at the campus, I will always find myself in the library after five o’clock and there are instances that I would search the tables. And you guys know how I hate helping Levi in the café.” Eren and Armin nodded as if they were children. “I just realized that she was always there, I can see her now. Why did I miss her when all this time, I was meant to find her? And now that she’s finally in the café right when I told Levi that I felt like helping the shop, I ran away! I’m such an idiot!” Mikasa then sunk on one of the plush chairs, her groans mingling with the gloomy atmosphere she created.

“You’re not an idiot, Mikasa,” Armin told her, to which she replied with an aggravated groan.

“Yeah, you’re not an idiot, you’re just having a gay panic moment,” Eren casually announced. Both of his friends slowly turned their heads toward him. He stared right back, blinking as he shrugged. “You have to admit, I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not helping right now.”

“I’m just stating a fact, Armin!”

The blonde boy rolled his eyes. “So what are you going to do about this, Mikasa?”

“About Eren?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. “Eren will be fine with his two brain cells.”

“Hey, I’m right here.”

Armin rolled his eyes and fixed his gaze on his gray-eyed best friend. “So are you going to tell [Name] that you two are star-crossed lovers pre-destined since your previous lives?”

The confidence she gained the day before during that conversation with her childhood friends dissipated as Mikasa awkwardly stood in the middle of the university’s library, eyes widely staring at you, who was browsing the shelves for the reference material for your papers. She didn’t expect to meet you this suddenly. All she was supposed to do was borrow a reference material and there she realized that the two of you share the same major so most of your schedule line up with one another — the both of you share a free period. Almost as if you were surrounded by a magnetic field, Mikasa went in your direction, her heart matching her footsteps. Meters became feet as she looked at your captivating figure. Even with a shirt tucked inside a pair of jeans, you are still the most beautiful girl inside the library. 

And as you lifted your gaze, your glinting irises meeting her gray ones, Mikasa swore her orbit was waiting for this moment to be tilted to you.

Tears were immediately present in your eyes when she stood in front of you, it was as if you remembered her.

“Hey,” Mikasa breathed shakily, hands gripping the strap of her backpack.

“Hey, starlight.”

That nickname. The one you blurted out when Mikasa invited you stargazing in the meadow beside the Survey Corps Headquarters. You said it suited her because her eyes reminded you of the glow of the stars forming a canopy above you. But for her, you were brighter than any star in the sky, you were an entire cosmos altogether. “You became a part of me the moment I laid my eyes on you in our town. Right then and there — wherever you go, I’ll go. Because I know, I’m a part of you as well.”

“You finally found me.”

You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and the Fates will do everything in their power that it stays like that for eternity. 

[prome-th3us]

Runes for beginners: introduction

In this grimoire I'm going to go through runes and their meaning in a way that is accessible to everyone. I'm gonna make a post for every rune so it's gonna be a long serie. I hope you will find this useful and if there's something unclear or wrong, please let me know!

I decided to avoid runes magic because I just want to help to get to know the runes a little better. Before practicing magic, you have to understand what this powerful tool is.

Introduction

Runes are not only a writing system, but they were also used as a magical, divinatory and spiritual growth tool. Rune (norse: rún/rúnar) means "segret, mistery". The characters used to engrave the rune, symbol of a certain energy in this world, were called runstafas (runic sticks).

They are an oracle and we can ask them to guide us: they work better if our question is specific and detailed. The lecture of Runes sometimes is obscure: the petitioner must interpret the details and understand them. Runes give us a way to analize the path we are on and to understand one of his possible outcomes: the future isn't static, we can change it with everything we do.

each rune has a phonetic value and a name that identifies its function and meaning; then it has a very specific history behind it and is associated with a diety.

Historical origins

I'm not gonna say much about the historical origins of the Runes because there are so many different theories about them and we could write an entire book just about this topic.

This is what you have to know:

the ancient futhark comes from the alphabet used by the Celts of Lugano (leoponzi) which has Greek origin. The Greek alphabet would have been absorbed by the Etruscans in the 12th century BC. and then by the Celts of Lugano in the VII. From here, thanks to trade, it would have arrived in the far north, with the necessary changes.

The Greek alphabet influenced the Gothic one and then the Germanic peoples adapted it (we can see how the Gothic alphabet is actually similar to both Greek and Runic, then the Othala rune resembles the Greek Omega).

it originated from the Roman alphabet, given the many relationships that different peoples entertained.

Mythological origin

"I know that I hung

On the wind-blasted tree

All of nights nine,

Pierced by my spear

And given to Odin,

Myself sacrificed to myself

On that pole

Of which none know

Where its roots run.

No aid I received,

Not even a sip from the horn.

Peering down,

I took up the runes –

Screaming I grasped them –

Then I fell back from there."

from the Old Norse poem Hávamál.

In Norse mythology, it's Odin who brought the Runes to the other gods. He wanted to know everything and he was envy of the Norns, who already knew them. He went to the Well of urd, the home of Runes, and since they reveal themselves to any but those who prove themselves worthy of such fearful insights and abilities, Odin hung himself from a branch of Yggdrasil, pierced himself with his spear, and peered downward into the waters below. He forbade any of the other gods to grant him the slightest aid. He survived in this state, teetering on the precipice that separates the living from the dead, for no less than nine days and nights. At the end of the ninth night, he at last perceived shapes in the depths: the runes. He's also lost his eyes for the wisdom.

Other important concepts

First of all, to truly understand how runes were used, you have to know at least a little of Norse mythology (I will tell you some books and links in the last paragraph). Then you have to understand what Orlog and Wyrd mean.

Orlog

This is basically karma but without reincarnation. Every person is born completely responsible for everything they do in their life since the first second: positive actions bring positive results, bad actions bring bad results, even in the afterlife. Who did positive things will go to Valhalla (where the heroes and the people who died in battle go) or to Sessrumnir (the halls of Freya). Who doesn't die in an honorable way or who did bad thing will go to Helheimr (the realm of Hel, this means that even who died in a normal way and who had a normal life will go there) or to Nilfheimr (the world of ice and cold, where the Ice Giants live).

Basically we decide where we are going with every choice we make.

Wyrd

A giant cobweb that extends in space and time: each thread is made up of a different manifestation of energy and all together it constitutes the very fabric of the universe. Since we are born, we are in some part of this web so we are also part of it.

Wyrd and Orlog are intertwined: who does good things and has a good Orlog, he will be on a good thread of the web. Wyrd is the fabric of life as well, so the world will be influenced by the positive energy of the man and will give him back this energy.

If each strand is a different manifestation of energy, each type of energy must have a name: the runes. In runic divination, what we see is a reflection of the energies in and around us (or around the person we are divining for). When we want to modify the Orlog, the process is different: we use the Runes as a channel for the energies that we need. We can say that the practice related to the runes is of two types: passive (divination) and active (healing, protection, etc ...).

Aettir of Runes

In the ancient futhark, there are 24 runes divided in three aettir (sing. aett, sets) of 8 runes each. Every aett is dedicated to a different diety:

Aett of Freya. She is of the Vani lineage and is therefore linked to fertility and harvest. She was welcomed with her twin brother Freyr in Asgard at the end of the war between the Aesir and the Vanir (basically the "wae" between the Norse people and the invaders). She can use the Runes, so she's a goddess of magic but also of love, associated with death (she is the leader of the Valkyries) and sexuality. The runes in this aett are: ᚠ ᚢ ᚦ ᚨ ᚱ ᚲ ᚷ ᚹ.

Aett of Heimdall. Of the Aesir lineage, he is among other things the guardian god of Bifrost and Asgard: he has hearing and sight that reach everywhere. Following a spell of Odin, he was born of nine waves and for this reason he is called "son of the wave". The runes in this aett are: ᚺ ᚾ ᛁ ᛃ ᛇ ᛈ ᛉ ᛊ.

Aett of Tyr. Of the Aesir lineage, he is known as the "Father of Heaven". He sacrificed one of his hands to be able to bind Fenrir and is a god linked to justice, loyalty, heaven, defense, war and law. The runes in this aett are: ᛏ ᛒ ᛖ ᛗ ᛚ ᛜ ᛞ ᛟ.

Last things

Ok so for this first post it's everything! I will continue in the next posts to explore every single rune. I just wanted to suggest some links and books if you want to go deeper into the fascinating history of runes.

Here you can find an interesting article about everything I just said, with so many references and here they also give a list of good books (if you can't afford them you can download their pdf from this site)

Anyway if you want to dig into norse mythology you can read:

Poetic Edda

Prose Edda

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

Norse Mythology: A Guide to the Gods, Heroes, Rituals, and Beliefs by John Lindow

(other good books can be found here).

And of course, if you still didn't realize this, I fricking love the website Norse Mythology for Smart People, even tho everything I wrote in this post is from "Le Rune" by Marco Massignan (I couldn't find the English Translation sorry).

[bi-demon-ium]

15 and 21 for Mr. Benedict obviously :-)

15: favorite line?

honestly i have no idea because like. im really bad at memorizing lines or just generally remembering them. but the ones that come to mind completely randomly are:

the conversation with milligan outside the cabin where he's like "i ask so much of you" just. oof. that's more an exchange in general tho than specifically a mr benedict line

same as the last one but comedy instead, but the whole exchange with curtain where hes like "why didnt you reach out to me?" and hes like "i did" and hes like "kidnapping is not reaching out"

"is anyone going to acknowledge this is WEIRD?" "no, it is. it is" . also "you wanted a bunch of smart orphans for a deadly mission. i get it" "ideally not deadly" and "that was a ruse" "a LIE!!!" "that was a ruse" just his interactions with constance in general dlfkgjdfgkljdfg i love them

i also just appreciate how he interacts with the kids in general, and just everyone in general for that matter but thats not really a quote dflkgjdfghh--

the little speech where he says “please hear me: you. are. needed. ..I know this world has made you feel unwanted, abandoned, angry—but it needs you. desperately.”

"I Have Absorbed Every Dimension Of The Problem."

“first i ask them to go undercover and risk their lives and now CHEATING????”

the conversation with milligan but specifically where he's like i'm here for you. when and if.

i'm sure i'm missing a lot i just..... i lvoe him. if i had to pick i'd probably either choose one of his interactions with constance, the "please hear me: you are needed" thing, or the "when and if" thing. still not narrowing it down a lot but it's fine.

21: wild card; talk about anything

uhhhh FUCK it's too broad it's too broad!!! listen i just love him so much.

okay some uh. some random thoughts then:

uhhhh he like. listen. he really likes giving AND receiving hugs. like on one hand. hugging someone tight and resting his chin on their head and rocking them a little???? holding them close and feeling them relax and they're warm and hugging back??? good shit. but also this man does not get HUGGED enough and like the vibe of Being The One Held like. especially with YOUR head tucked under someone's chin or curling against their chest/into their side!! FUCK!!!! hugs for mr benedict!!!!!!!! hugs for mr benedict for One Thousand Years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mr benedict has very strong opinions on certain pieces of literature. he's generally quite non confrontational and pacifistic unless he's already really, really upset/stressed (which is like, a good portion of canon, rip mr b 😔) but like. he may or may not have gotten into a fistfight his junior year over frankenstein. i mean they were both fucken nerds so its not like it was an impressive fight but still.

i wonder if mr benedict draws. i think writing would be more his style, although he probably stuck to non fiction for a long time but he had his more creative stuff hidden away, rarely taken out and scribbled away at, but perhaps one way he tried to work through feelings he otherwise bottled up, but like. he also doodles, in the margins of his notes and on findings and maps and reports, without even thinking, little sketches of his friends, of birds outside, of books and sunlight and flowers, of spirals and random patterns, and like. maybe they're actually pretty good, or maybe they're hilariously bad but sweet, but i think he'd still do it either way just without thinking, hands moving absently as he was thinking hard about whatever research they were doing, like. you ever doodle in class and you're half spaced out bc your mind is actually like 70 percent on the lecture but youre paying just enough attention to move your hand and form a little drawing and it helps you focus more? like that yeah

listen. whether it's actually a reference to doctor who or he's just Like That, i think mr benedict would wear the fourth doctor's scarf. while there's potential sad backstory of him and his brother actually watching it as kids in the orphanage, also just yoinking the apparent backstory for the scarf and it being like. number two offers to make him a scarf and tells him to pick a color. he says he likes all of them, so she can choose herself or maybe make it striped with all the colors. he is expecting a normal length scarf. she returns with the longest scarf he's ever seen, with all the colors and also all the yarn she'd shown him. he's like. [wheezing] oh my god its so long . i .... number two this. this isn't what i meant. but also. i unironically adore this and am going to wear it whenever i need a scarf. he probably does trip on it but he also 100 percent uses it to trip either the ten men or curtain himself and it's fucking hilarious. and while i did mean just how it looks normally bc i think the vibe would suit him, also if it had some green plaid on it what of it? (also now picturing constance with her own version and it's like...... is it funnier if it's a mini replica or if it's exactly as big but that means its wrapped around her tiny little head/neck/shoulders like a million times ldkfgjdlfkgjdfg,,,,,,)