#bc like. idk how to explain it more than i've already explained it. i'm chronically ill and disabled for real u guys :')

[b-blushes]

migraine has been bestowed upon me

[solomonish]

i definitely relate to what you said about being uninterested in childrens book when you were younger bc they were so easy! i read jaws in 5th grade but i don’t remember the other series i was reading back then. i read the divergent series, twilight, and the hunger games in 6th-7th grade right in the middle of all the hype! i remember kids wearing mockingbird pins to school, lol. i was obsessed with the infernal devices by cassandra clare in middle school and loved the historical fantasy aspect of it (the shadowhunters/city of bones movie was pretty lame and i grew out of the phase by the time the tv show came around). in 8th grade i finally raided my moms book shelf and her stephen king collection and read The Shining (still one of my favorites), which was my first experience reading like “adult” books instead of YA.

if you’ve already mentioned this i’m sorry for asking again, my memory is not great, but do you still find motivation to read now? i know my love of reading has ebbed and waned over the years unfortunately, but i’ve been getting back that spark lately!

- reading anon

omg no idea how i managed to give such a late response AGAIN i'm so sorry i have no excuse except chronic dumbbrain

honestly though? I didn't get into a whole lot of series as a kid. i read the first twilight book in 4th grade (it took me an entire 9 weeks to do it but I got a bunch of AR points for it - if you are unfamiliar with those I do not know how to explain it but will if u ask lol) and I read the hunger games books like.....LATE into their fame. I only got into the movie series because my older sister, who was in the target demographic for both of those at their height, loved them and when my mom took her to the movies she invited me and what, was I gonna say NO to being out at midnight and eating super buttery movie popcorn?? as I type this i am looking at the giant edward button on my bookshelf that I stole from the stuff my sister left when she moved. Twilight has a special place in my heart lol

But other than that and the children's series I mentioned before, I never really got into the big franchises. I never read H*rry P*tter and have only seen one full movie, never got into LoTR, uh.....whatever other ones, I haven't really read...and I mean this in the least hipster way possible lol. There's something about the Expectation to Enjoy and the Always Being Out Of The Zeitgeist So Why Even Try that just shuts down my motivation to get into them LOL.....so really only Twilight and Hunger Games were crazes I was part of and even then I was at an age where I liked them but didn't really care lol

and my mom really loves Stephen King too! I tried to read his books but honestly....I don't like them :/ I respect his achievements I guess but I cannot get interested in his stories. Idk if it's the way he writes or what but I tried getting into them when I needed challenging material...it didn't work! I also tried to read Nicholas Sparks, who was (maybe still is?) my sister's favorite author but GOD. I DO NOT LIKE HIS SHIT EITHER. And this isn't meanspirited at all, more power to their readers! I'm not one to get uppity about writing styles and fave authors, especially ones I haven't even read a full book from. But those are two authors that were always in my house that I never was able to get into

One author I was able to get into? SARAH DESSEN. Technically I've "aged out" of her books (although I'm of the opinion that you can read whatever you want, no shame...like come on bro we're all just trying to have a little fun) but I've always loved her works from the day I first read them. I remember my first book of hers I read! It was "just listen" and while it's not my favorite of hers, it holds a place in my heart just from being the first one I read. I picked it up off my sister's dresser (she's turning up in this ask a lot lol) and asked if I could read it and she just shrugged and didn't seem into it? But I read it and my eyes were WIDE OPEN to the world of YA romance. Oh god. I was in 6th grade and I was like "this is it. this is the pinnacle of literary achievement." I was in 6th grade, so about 12? I think? and now 10 years later I still check to see if she's got anything new out when I'm at Barnes and Noble. I think there are 2-3 of her books I haven't read and a novella. God. I love her books so much, shamelessly. (I have her most recent book, "The Rest of the Story," in my nightstand but I haven't read it yet - I'm getting there!!) I have 7 of her books stacked up on my bookshelf and I want to read them all eventually. My favorite is probably Saint Anything - idk why, it just. It hit me. That one got me. That one and Lock and Key.

LAST ASK YOU ASKED ME WHAT BOOK I WISH I COULD REREAD FOR THE FIRST TIME? Lock and Key and The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. I felt like such a badass having those thick ass books on my desk in 6th grade, UGH. I can't believe I forgot that feeling. But i remember now babyyyyy

All this to say I actually...........still don't like most adult writing LOL. I have TRIED to get into contemporary adult writing but most of the time it does NOT scrath that itch. I think I have a few books that would fall under that category that I still need to read and i'm SO OPEN to this changing about me, but I'm honestly still in my little YA corner. The problem with that, though, is that it's definitely not as enjoyable to read, or not in the same way, because I have grown up. And that's not to fault the books at all, not their fault the passage of time exists, but when I was younger I was still looking forward to high school. I'm fortunate where my high school experience wasn't anything I'm particularly jaded by, but I'm a big girl now. The dramatics of these fake teen girls definitely translate to me as, well...dramatic more than anything. Again, that's not BAD and I'm not bashing YA! It's just weird to read these books from the pov that "this is definitely a fiction story (in my lifetime)" as opposed to the 6th grade view of "this is a range of emotions I could technically feel in 3 years." Not that I didn't know it was fiction back then, but come on, who didn't romanticize high school a little bit before they got there? I definitely did.

I am...currently trying to get my bookworm status back, actually! I've gotta be honest, once I hit high school I was so tired of reading textbooks and screens that I stopped reading as much as I used to and it stayed pretty stagnant until my senior year. I took a class that was called "fact and fiction" but it was basically like a book club led by the two best teachers in school. Most of the time we'd read classics as a class, but sometimes they'd have us break off and do our own thing like "read a book that's on the NYT Bestseller's list this month" or "read a book that's been banned" or "read and american classic" - this class is how I found out that The Jungle is actually pretty solid in entertainment value if not a bit hard to get through language wise, Slaughterhouse Five is what I say my favorite book is when i want to sound smart and it is SO GOOD (and I could go on about how it's totally a representation of the author's PTSD but that's a story for a different day), and i absolutely DESPISE The Turn of the Screw. Cool concept, absolute HELL to get through. So that class got me reading again, but then I went to college and then covid hit and I've had some Life Happening To Me and I kinda fell out of the practice again. I'm on book 3 of this year - 12 year old me would be horrified, but 20 year old me is bouncing in her seat - and unfortunately my first two attemtps were...not that great?

The first book I read was called The Warlow Experiment by Alix Nathan and it was one of THE WORST books I've ever read. I thought it'd be some thrilling kind of psychological-experiment-gone-wrong story, but the author somehow took what sounds like it could be thrilling fiction and made it the most BORING story ever. (SPOILERS if u care) It took forever for me to feel like there was ever anything at stake - John Warlow is getting restless? Well, the experiment ends in seven years. Powyss has to prove the worth of his experiment? We won't know if he does that for seven years. Powyss starts an affair with Warlow's wife? Man, too bad we have to wait SEVEN YEARS FOR THE CONFLICT TO HAPPEN. Every character except for Hannah (Warlow's wife) was just like the Worst Possible Version of themselves. You know how a farce is a play where characters are usually one-dimensional with their worst trait exaggerated? THAT'S WHAT THIS FELT LIKE. A LITERAL FARCE. It took me two months to get through that book and I want to burn it. It was so, so awful and burned me out.

Recently I started Tell Me Three Things but Julie Buxbaum, and it was sweet! It was easy to read and wasn't anything spectacularly unique, but it was good and wasn't a chore to get through. I laughed at one (1) thing at the end, and even if it was a bit cheesy, I loved the relationships Jessie had with her friends and stepbrother. Those felt really real, even if they were a bit more wholesome than some relationships tend to be. However, this one has the misfortune of being the first YA book I've read since exiting the YA demographic, so the whole time I read it, I was thinking "wow i should've read this book when I got it. It would've been so much better." Not the fault of the book/author of course, and it was still good. Just nothing I'd report home to.

BUT. NOW I'M ON BOOK THREE. I JUST STARTED IT AND I ALREADY LOVE IT. It's called The House in the Cerulean Sea bu TJ Klune and it's got my attention. I used to think I didn't like fantasy, but this one might change my mind. One of the reviews on the book calls it a mashup of 1984 and The Umbrella Academy and even though I only know summaries of those things (I skipped junior/senior english to take college english so there's a lot fo required reading i was actually not required to do. The Great Gatsby? Still have no idea what a Gatsby is (just kidding i know it's the guy)), I AGREE. I'm only 48 pages in out of 398 but WHOO. I love this author's writing style, it reminds me a lot of what I want to embody when I'm not trying to be super serious (keyword trying, not sure if I have ever actually succeeded in either of these lol), I love that the main character is Just Some Guy, i love the way he describes his cat - I'll send a pic in one sec!

The book is so charming and has such personality and such a good premise that I'm so excited to continue reading it for real. Look at that!!! UGH IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE HOW THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL BUT THIS GUY GETS IT! Also I hear....this book may be gay? 👀 love me some representation (if it's there - if any u spoil this for me i will commit a crime) Also this book is classified as "adult young adult" and idk for sure what that is but it is RIGHT up my alley. More of this please.

So I'm still in a writing slump that has lasted...almost 8 years with like. One bout of clarity in the middle lol. I've always had a passion for the books I've read and the idea of books, but reading them had become a chore that I could never get to on my list. I'm hoping this book turns that around though - I want that feeling of just needing to devour a book in one sitting again.

[fortjester]

23 29 49 for tlt!

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

hm, difficult to say. most au's/concepts i come up with sort of run away from me at high speed and i end up writing them just based on how much thought i've already put into them, so aside from the chess au i talked abt for one of the other asks i answered, there's only a few au's/concepts i would like to see but haven't gotten around to? a lot of Gideon Raised In Other Houses AU's i generally get hype abt (re: lose my gd marbles abt) like -- Gideon raised on the Sixth alongside Pal and Cam? I'd go bonkers. Gideon raised on the Fourth, achieves cav primary for same-age heir, only to see them killed in a combat zone and return to Tisis to see Isaac named as new heir? frothing at the mouth. Gideon raised on the Second and laying the groundwork for BARI-Star AU? love it love it love it!

29. What songs would be (or are) on a playlist for [insert fic]? Explain your choices if you want!

since you said tlt in general, i'll just tell you the top five songs on my gideon and harrow playlists lol.

Harrow's songs are: Bishops Knife Trick by Fall Out Boy (listen to that bridge and tell me I'm wrong), Revolution 0 by Boygenius (oh, Harrow abt the Body anthem my beloved), Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost (first song to go on her playlist, fresh from first GtN readthrough), Sun Bleached Flies by Ethel Cain (i'm so sorry but "god loves you / but not enough to save you" and "i always knew / in the end / no one was coming to save me / so i just prayed" is so harrowcore i lose my whole gourd about it), and In Hell by Japanese Breakfast ("hell is finding someone to love / and i can't have you")

Gideon's songs are: Marrow by Thao and the Get Down Stay Down (I won't go on and on abt this one bc im fighting a parallels post heavily featuring lyrics from it every single day and i need to believe that i'll win eventually), One More Hour by Sleater-Kinney (shout-singing, passive aggressive lyrics, heavily sapphic coded = gideoncore to me), Big Black Heart by Better Oblivion Community Center (idk, heart imagery and trashcan ending always give me gideon vibes smth chronic), Kiss City by Blondshell (the lyric "i'm adjacent to a lot of love" floored me the first time i heard it and it floors me every other time to, it's SUCH a Gideon lyric), and lastly but not leastly Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ft. Kimbra (iykyk)

i will drop the links to their playlists with very little provocation

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

i have about a dozen wip's on the backburner that i stir every so often when i remember they're there; dead cav club au, tv show au, various Anastasia the First speculative fics, plus something i'm fiddling w/ that i will tentatively codename "pied piper au" (if that doesn't fully give it away)

BUT!

i am also participating in the tlt big resurrection event (referred to in my tags as tlt bre) and I am working on something that i have been codenaming "fucked up au" on my blog. can't tell you very much, the premise itself gives a huge chunk away, but i've breached 70k on it and still have a good quarter of it to fill in/fully draft. This being said, here's some out-of-context dialogue from the first chapter:

“Teacher said there was no way to contact anyone from Canaan House,” Harrow says, dubiously. She herself has never had need to use one, and even if she had she’s not sure she’d know how to use this relic. It’s quite obviously a lot older than any radio the Ninth has, and there’s an abundance of dials and switches that aren’t even labelled.

Nevertheless, Gideon continues to fiddle with the radio as if she weren’t a cavalier at all, but some kind of tech expert. “Well, he wasn’t lying about that. This is a classic am model; it’s for receiving broadcasts, not sending them.”

Harrow gives the device a doubtful look, “What’s the use of receiving if there’s no way to reciprocate?”

Gideon mumbles something under her breath that sounds suspiciously a lot like that’s what she said, but when Harrow asks her to repeat herself, she says, “I said that’s a good question. Pretty sure it was for entertainment.”

ask game