#bc she was a kid who didnt want to get married and made a mistake

[amatres]

thought about lyanna, thousands dead, many more left emotionally scarred for life

[tallulah477]

YESS loak who lives in his brothers shadows falling for the girl that was BETHROTHED to his brother (who has a nasty attitude and isnt well liked within her inner circles but her people loves her bc shes nice to them only in her own ways lol) is a level of angst that is so hot

like loaks reaction when neteyam confided in him telling him hes gonna run away with his maid/childhood friend and loak is like ???? youre going to run away from your duties? and neteyam is just like yeah i love my beloved more than aristocracy lifestyle

few months have passed since then and now jake is stressed out from all of this - his oldest son is missing and no one knows where he or his maid is (except loak who he sends letters too from time to time)

and like u said he NEVER thought he would be the next king he had his whole life plan out, train the knights for his brothers army, date some girl who isnt ultra famous and wealthy but in the middle and settle down and pop out a few kids and now his whole world is turned around because he now has to fill in his brothers (complicated) shoes and hes realizing how intense this was all for neteyam and hes has to learn it pronto

but omg poor princess??? the man she was supposed to marry since she was practically born, has been told from a young age she was going to be prettiest wife to neteyam and then he goes into hiding for some maid ??? that would break her ego so bad, and now she has to marry the brother who all he does is play knight oh its so bad for her

but as they hang out they slowly (so slow neteyam would have his first baby by then lmfao) they slowly begin to become friendish - princess finds it hard because her attitude is the worse and she cant accept the fact that she likes someone who all he wanted to be was a trainor for the knights

and loak is trying to ignore that she was originally supposed to marry neteyam, he knows neteyam never liked her but it still fucks with him sometimes but he gets over it eventually

AND OMLLL princess!reader who goes to visit loak on the training grounds and shes definitely does not fit in bc shes hoping her custom made dress doesnt have mud on it as she tiptoes bc god its gross here and she asks the knights where loak and they guide her to where she is

cue her knocking on the door and opening it to see loaks back and oh my god his back is so hot its so broad and waist is so tiny and hes sweating n loak just turns around like what?? meanwhile her face is super red bc she didnt know he was that built underneath that hes leaner than the knights he trains who are meatheads but he was still so defined and the mixed metal necklaces he wore just compliments him so well and now shes needs to find her maid and ask her what are these feelings

— 🤍

Catch up on the story:

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Extra: One | Two

CW:// Slight Mention of Pregnancy

Right?! She has such a "don't fuck with me, I'm not the one," attitude. She needs to be serious all the time, needs to always have her head on straight and can't make stupid mistakes because if she does, she loses all credibility. Sure, she's kind and looks out for her people, helping them and protecting them however she can, and her people see that and appreciate that - but she doesn't want to act like the emotionless bitch that she has to be. She wants to be happy, free to genuinely smile and feel what she feels, but she knows that if she shows even the hint of too much emotion, too much weakness, she's just going to be ripped apart.

And Lo'ak can understand that. He knows what it's like to not be able to be who you want to be. His whole life he's been compared to his perfect brother: Neteyam who is better at facilitating communication between neighboring kingdoms, Neteyam who speaks clearly and takes responsibility humbly when needed, Neteyam who's never had to be told not to slouch during court. He's been cast aside as the 'spare', but not invisible enough to not need to be on his game.

He can't joke around like he wants to, at least not without Jake and Neytiri hissing at him to behave. He can't go exploring, can't go out and see what far away lands have to offer because "your duties are here, son". So he found something that he enjoys, a way to get out all his pent up energy and aggression, and he's good at it. So good. He has a true gift for training the knights, getting them ready to battle and protect the kingdom, but even that's sometimes overshadowed by his brother - having to train Neteyam to fight, train Neteyam to be the best, even better than himself - to be worthy of the crown he would get one day.

Would have gotten. Because Neteyam is gone now. And somehow the responsibility, and all the duties that come with it, have fallen on Lo'ak's shoulders and now more than ever he feels he can't be himself.

He would understand how Princess feels . . . if he could get over his own bitterness.

Jake is freaking out - he's sent out a search party on multiple occasions looking for Neteyam and his runaway maid, but they can't find them. Neteyam is smart, building their cottage outside of the kingdom's boundaries, and the only person who knows the location of it is Lo'ak. Lo'ak is bitter, of course, and angry with his brother for what he's done to him. But he would never give up their location. He wants his brother to be happy, so he keeps the information to himself.

He appreciates the letters he gets from Neteyam though. They make him smile, to see that his brother is finally living the life he's always wanted: something calm and peaceful with the woman he loves. He's super giddy when he gets the letter that Neteyam and his wife are expecting their first child. He's going to be an uncle! And the news makes him so happy that he just can't help but smile all day, sneaking off to tell Kiri and Tuk the good news too, and Princess is just looking at him like he's crazy - "Why is he so smiley all of a sudden? What could he possibly be happy about?"

Their relationship is rocky at the start . . . and in the middle. At first, when she was still Neteyam's betrothed, Lo'ak thought she was a spoiled brat. And now that they're supposed to be together, they can't stand each other even more. But the more time they spend together, the more they can't help how their eyes start to trace the other's movements. Their ears seem to always latch on to the sound of the other's voice. Random thoughts popping into their heads about the other (how nice they look in their formal attire, how their eyes glimmer in the glow under the chandeliers) before they have to physically shake those thoughts out, annoyed that they were even there to begin with.

Lo'ak actually growls to himself when the thought of Princess, round and beautiful with their own future child, her fancy custom-made gown falling perfectly over the bump, pops into his head after he finds out Neteyam's expecting.

He's shaking a similar thought out of his head as he's undressing after a rather intense training session. The new knights he's training are annoying, young men who think they're so great and are flooded with undeserved confidence and it just makes Lo'ak want to rip his hair out. But he heard a couple of them whispering about how beautiful Princess is, and how they'd give anything for a night with her and Lo'ak can't seem to justify the dark feeling swirling around in his chest when he hears it.

He thinks it's one of them who slams the door open, come to annoy him even more with stupid questions or overconfident remarks, but instead it's her. The woman he can't seem to get out of his head. She's panting, face flushed with exertion from trying to walk through the mud coated ground. The bottom of her dress is covered with dark brown, once shiny heels now sticky and sinking into the ground. She always looks so put together and clean, so the ruined look throws him off a bit and he can't help but think that she looks beautiful like this too - all flushed and hair out of place from where she tossed it over her shoulder carelessly in her frustration just to get it out of her face. She's scowling, mouth opened ready to give him a few choice words no doubt, but her words die in her mouth when she sees him: topless, corded muscles and strong back on display, all glistening and sweaty and fuck - now she feels like she's starting to sweat.

She's never seen a male like this before. Never seen so much skin. And he turns around when she enters, surprised and the question "what are you doing here?" falling from his lips, but she doesn't answer. Can do nothing more than gape at him like a fish because now his broad chest is on display too, tapering down into a narrow waist. All he's got on is a pair of tight black pants and boots, and her eyes can't help but linger on the slight bulge she can see from where they hug him between his legs.

She feels hot all over, a tight ball forming in her stomach the longer she looks at him and it's only when she feels a strange wetness pooling between her own thighs that she snaps out of her trance. She turns and leaves without a word, running to her bedroom and immediately calling for her maid. If she ever had a best friend, it would be her maid - the person who has been there as her helper ever since she was a little girl. Her helper, her protector, her guide.

Her maid's eyes widen as they take in the look of her Princess's state - dress ruined and covered in mud, face hot and red with embarrassment and something else she can't quite place.

"I don't know what I'm doing!" the Princess cries. And her maid is there for her, to clean her up and wrap her in soft blankets, ready to hear what her Princess has to tell and give her the best advice she can.

[luckyqueenreign]

Suresh Route Episode Summary: 36

LAST ONE BESTIES ... I HATE THIS TWO EPISODE A WEEK BS

Spoilers under the cut...

Alfie keeps looking at us...boy your answers aren't in my eyes. AVERT YOUR EYES!! this gave me SUCH season 5 Michael and Joanna vibes. "If you found what you were looking for you'd leave" Johnny/Nicolas keeps inserting himself into their chat...super annoying I wanted to slap him.

Dana asks you here what you think of Alfie staying and you can tell her you're happy, not happy, unsure...I told her me and alfie were NEVER going to happen so he was making a mistake. Just want to make it clear as day I want Suresh 😩

The islanders go help those losers pack...Meera gets all in her feelings that the public and Alfie dont like her so why should we? GIRLY YOURE RIGHT! WE DONT! again here you can be mean / nice. I will forever choose mean options with Meera...🤷‍♀️ she made an enemy out of me. Sorry not sorry. Kat says nice things to Meera 🙄 and the girls rally around her...BOO! but I guess gabi is right she is leaving. AHHH FOR 5 GEMS U CAN PUT MEERA IN HER PLACE!!! WORTH IT!

MEERA GEM SCENE - U can tell her off for being an absolute snake to you since casa, siding with Johnny/Nicolas, being an overall cow. It was great and you do get an apology out of her so worth it in my opinion

MC is left alone in the room with Johnny/Nicolas who is griping about all the drama with Meera/Alfie....this fucking guy🙄. but he tells you he wants to tell you all about his master plan and that he has dirt on your HUBBY...YOUR CHOICE IN WHO U MARRY MATTERS!!!!

Johnny/Nicolas GEM SCENE - I had Johnny so he talks about how much of a liar he is lol and how hes been fabricating stories for ages now...great so why should I believe anything u say now...he tells us how he was going to pick a girl or more than one and basically see what was special about them and ride that out until the end. OK So here's what he said about your hubbys biggest turn on...I married Suresh 🫣 "Good thing its not patience...Suresh told me his biggest turn on is...powerful women" He wants a women in charge, who can take control and not afraid to tell him off. (ARE WE GOING TO GET TO TELL HIM OFF!?!)

Meera and Johnny/Nicolas leave...BYEEEEE and the islanders all find out about his "plan" to turn everyone against each other. They all apologize to MC. LMAOOOO if you said good riddance to her the last time she calls you out on it now....💀💀💀💀💀💀

Alfie is all sad about Meera and being single and collects his things to go sleep outside on the daybeds. I offered to talk to him but he said he wanted to be alone. not sure if that's because I've been pushing him away and choosing the options to not be with him.

Finn pulls MC to go chat in the bathrooms.......and turns on the showers so no one can hear them talking. He is asking about Alfie...again not sure if this is because I pied Finn off earlier - I would assume so. He asks me if I wanted to couple up with Alfie and I said no that we're just friends. Finn says that Alfie might be regretting not going with Meera. (THEN LEAVE THEN) ARE YOU KIDDING ME FB YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE US THE OPTION TO BONE FINN OR NOT?!?! THATS THE CLIFFHANGER.....😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 I HATE IT HERE .....Also im not going to do it bc clearly our choices are starting to matter and if I want suresh I dont think shower sex is the way to go 😩

[courtney-deserved-better]

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

[thefirstcourtesan]

situation. and if then somehow feelings for izzie develop i cant guarantee that he won't do anything bc he's a guy and although he hasnt slept with a single woman since he met jo, i think the writers can always throw in cheating. but it shouldnt have happened like this, not so shortly after he married jo and promised her in sickness and in health and to grow old together. he knew she was emotionally fragile bc of her depressive episode and he didnt care about lying to her when he went to his

ex? he didnt care that she called so many times and worried about him because he was busy with his newly found family? i know everybody can make mistakes but i cant believe alex would be so cruel to do that to jo and then to end things with a letter. he did the same thing to her that izzie did to him years ago, which had nearly broke him back then. and he was hurt enough to not forgive her although she was just visiting her mother and wasnt with another guy. i cant even begin to describe how sick this whole thing makes me because it makes alex look like an awful, awful person. i'm not even sure season 1 or 2 alex would have done this to someone he loves but s16 alex? knowing very well how much he was hurting jo? there's a reason there's such an uproar after this episode and thats because alex went from a caring, loving husband to a coldhearted coward who lovws his kids though, and apparently that makes everything okay to the writers and some fans.

I answer the first ask too fast, sorry about that. I get why Jo and Alex fans are furious and yeah, that angle is bad, specially with jo’s recent depressive episode and the letter was particularly awful because of how Izzie did that to him. But... one of Alex’s character traits has always been that he acts first, he has made a lot of bad decisions by not thinking things throguh or by going based on emotions and his emotions would be running strong with kids.

Do I like the ending? God no. A better option would have been to have Izzie die off screen, leave Alex the twins and then he goes to Kansas to them and doesn’t want to uproot them and he and Jo agree to make it work long distance until it doesn’t.

But I could see Alex choosing his children over anyone else in the world, so that part still feels in character to me but I do hate that they made him do this to Jo. Full disclosure, I am not a Jolex shipper (or an Izzie and Alex shipper, I hate Izzie) so I don’t feel the same outrage.

[shhbean]

fuck it! some thoughts on al’s years in xing. if you guys have thoughts or criticisms let me know! i just wanna ramble lmao.

also don’t reblog lmao bc theres a lot of errors in here and its all sporadic and frankly embarrassing

okay so first things first i think in the two year gap between the promised day and the post canon adventures the brothers keep up a correspondence with ling and mei through letters (bc theyre planning this big adventure and its wild that they would show up unannounced even tho i know thats theyre style but als like. mmm dont want lan fan to execute me on sight)

side note! i think of xing as a relatively isolationist country, but with a phone and railway system that operates within itself, not on the outside (its a big country! people need to communicate!) ling is not against isolationism per say, only because drachma and amestris are still very much Major War Torn disasters, however ling puts a big emphasis on assisting refugees and families displaced by war. he also holds relatively frequent council with their bordering countries* *more on this later. but i dont see xing moving away from isolationism until ling is MUCH older. and even then most of their opening up mostly revolves around trade and world aid. 

ed sort of bangs his adventure out west in like a year and a half, because hes kinda. rarin to get back to rush valley and marry winry. al spends about three and a half years in xing bc he has to learn the language AND a brand new form of alchemic science. (with visits back to amestris for. weddings, occasional holidays and meeting his nephew and niece)

when al gets to xing the first thing he notices are 1) the food is incredible (though some of it is spicer than hed realize and amestrian food is blander than he thought)  2) the art and architecture is amazing and beautiful 3) he’s never worn silk before and he privately amends to never make that mistake again 4) ling has two modes Emperor mode and Ling mode (al has been on the receiving end of both 5) lan fan seems much happier 6) mei got taller

side note yes ed and winry have the emperor of xing and his sister, the princess and imperial alkahestrist at their wedding. no no one knows how the fuck to deal with it jfhgkjfdhjk

ling, in order to establish security for clans with less power appoints one family member from each clan to his court. hence why mei becomes imperial alkahestrist at 16. this ruffles a lot of feathers, and lings happy for it. 

in general one of lings biggest projects in his time as emperor is helping the poor and disenfranchised of xing. he has the aristocracy pretty much on its knees all the time. 

al spent so much time in the two years preparing for his trip studying up on xingese culture, tradition, and especially xingese aristocracy because he didnt want to offend an entire culture (he leaves that to ed) only for mei and ling to horrify the entire court by yanking al into a very tight HUG 

ling continues to horrify the court by asking al for advice and counsel in front of everyone lmao

lan fan has other family members! not just fu! she has a whole mom and two younger sisters. lan fan remains ling’s personal gaurd until she turns 20, and then she appointed captain of the guard. she really loves her job and honestly being home has made her 1000% more outgoing and confident (not when shes guarding tho obviously) 

lan fan’s family has their own suite in the palace, for being the yao’s families faithful servants. however once lan fan becomes captain of the guard she insists on sleeping in the barracks (this annoys ling greatly. though he doesn’t say anything)

mei is an INTENSE teacher. not so much izumi level bet she has al wake up at 6 am every day and run arrays for her until shes decided shes satisfied. al does not mind this, he likes watching the sun rise 

al takes awhile to learn xingese. and once he’s finally mastered it he’s better at speaking it than writing it (his script is basically chicken scratch) this sort of impedes his alkahestry lessons too because of a lot of the tomes and books on it are in xingese. a lot of al’s lessons are spent doing translations

jerso and zampano, somehow, pick up xingese stupid fast. al is furious lmao. 

winry and ed and their children (lil 1yr boy sig and actual baby baby girl nina) come out to visit at behest of ling. xing had no established automail program, just a few engineers here and there, so winry worked with him to train a few automail engineers. this becomes one of the only forms of trade that xing has with neighboring countries. an automail material trade agreement was presented by general mustang and signed off by emperor ling and furher grumman. (an eventually, would become a regular commodity of amestris under roy’s rule as furher) 

once his three years of research and study are up al (now 21, keeping track of ages for my benefit, bc this timeline largely exists in my head) heads back to amestris to write his paper and swap notes with ed, and eventually publish a book together. ed somehow earned a fucking PHD in three years while al was away. al is once again, is furious and super proud. (he privately amends to earn his in 2) he convinces mei (now 19) to tag along to help continue her own research on the link between alkahestry and alchemy. ling lets them go and starts a research initiative that funds their travels all over the world. 

mei and al visit scar alot on their travels, and while theyre in ishval they help out the community (doing wonderfully but still needs a hand every once in a while) wherever they can. mei’s always so excited to see scar. lots of hugs and catching up. scar always fixes al a hairy eye when he arrives with mei (note they are very much JUST friends at this point. scar does not care....probably having flashbacks from how quickly ed and winry got together fvjdghjkf) 

they also have tea with the newly promoted brigadier general and his captain every visit. who...share a tent. al and mei make sure not to comment. this does not stop jerso and zampano from commenting. (roy and riza are doing well though, and very much concede their authority to scar and miles on every deciding fact. reparations suits them) 

mei’s 22nd birthday is spent in ressembole where ed and winry and their babies have relocated. pinako (still holdin on strong) watches her great grand babies. ed and winry have alcohol for the first time in 5 years. chaos ensues. al and mei watch he stars and al starts to realize maybe. he might. have a crush. oh well. not going to address that. too much work to do. 

on al’s 27th birthday he has a mild crisis about how old he’s getting. ed, 28 a whole professor, with a third goddamn kid on the way, laughs at his pain. mei (24 now. jesus. im writing this why am i getting whiplash) receives a letter from miles telling her scar, much to humble to admit it, has been made lead representative speaker for ishval. he hints that al should be on the lookout for a letter coming his way. and sure enough, a letter asking if al would like to be the amestrian ambassador to xing arrives at their doorstep. 

and then its back to xing again to get ling to sign off on the order (of course he does) and to get his approval on al and mei’s courtship (re: not engagement. theyre very slow lmao). (that one requires a longer conversation wherein lan fan threatens al with a knife) 

[glazedachu]

cAN WE TALK ABOUT

- ann missing anne so much shes turned into a statue for a hot sec millennia

- aunt also missing anne so much she has marian reading annes letter on loop

- anne curtsying to the wrong person and lol ing with everyone about it 

- the queen figuring out the whole of anne in no more than 2 whole minutes

- that Extreme dancing

- elizabeth mvp for telling ann THE DEETS

- ANN SPEAKIGN FOR HERSELEF BC GOOD CHARACtER DEVELOPEMTN

- RANK BUT BOOTIFUL ANNE COMING HOME TO BRIGHT AS A BUTTON

- ANN TAKING OFF SHAWL AT HOEM TO REVEAL SHES BEEN WEARING ANNES GONDOLA PIN SINCE ShE STARTED TO BELIBE I HERSELF

- ANN THINKIGN ABOTU ANNE WHILE LONGINGLY STARIGN AT HER BED

- ANN SHOWING UP AT HALIFAX

- EVRYOEN ESP MARIAN BEING SPER SURPRISED AND HAPPY THAT ANN IS LOOKING FOR ANNES ADDRESS BUT CAN GET WHOLE IN THE FLESh ANNE INSTEAD

- AHHHHHHHhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

- THE WHOLE REUNION SCENEEEEEEEEE GOOD LORD,, I DONT THINK ONE HOUR PASSED WHERE I DIDNT THINK OF YOU,, I LOVE YOU, IM IN LOVE WITH YOU, I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN,, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOMENT WAS BEYOND BEaEEEAUTIFUL

- THE SHOW SHOWING A WEDDING AND ME BEING LIKE WHOS GETTING MARREID????? THEN THEM SAYING THE ANN(E)S WENT TO YORK AND ME BEING LIKE THEN WHO TF GETTING MARRIED THEN THEY ACTUALLY CUT TO THEM GETTING MARRIED IN YORK????????????????????

- THE RINGS AND THEN tHIRSTY ANN WANTING A KISS FROM ANNE SO ANNE GIVES HER A SMOL PECK BUT ANN LINGERED FOR LIKE A FRACtiON OF A SECOND LATER BC ShE WANTED A WHOLE SNOG AND THEM GIGGLING IN BLISS AFTERWARDS

- THAT LOOK ANNE GaVE US THAT FOLLWOED THAT LONG CAMERA ShoT THAT WENT FROM IN FRONT OF THEM TO BEHIND THEM THEN TURNED TO PURE JOY

- also that fat lie catching up to the kid and the mom oof they shouldve just kept it simple mistakes were made yalls

- ANN SAYING NOT TODAy BC SHE DEF WANTS TO GET IT ON WITH ANNE INSTEAD

- THEIR COUPLES BANTER IS EVRYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

- SCREAMS IN GENTLEMAN JACK!!1!1!1!!1!!1!!!1!

[hcrris]

can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡

( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.

repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.

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TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on

her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times

when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what. 

but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california. 

things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.

janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.  

the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line

jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father 

growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked. 

through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning

after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3

she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up 

if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof 

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if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day 

likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head. 

and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone. 

will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3

she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......  

got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it) 

really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon. 

she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad. 

claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ

*draws curtains* anybody else tired? 

[theday]

i forgot to copy andpste the rules fuckjdjh anwyay taged by @younghyuuns and @pupcats :D thank u guys for tagging me i havent done this in ages

tagging: @minhyukwithagun (just saw ur new icon ffuck) @briwoon and @tokayhk u guys dont have to tho ily all oh also @hyunghoney and @hyungkyunnie and @minhyukt suddenly im tagging everyone u guys dont have to do it either ily toohdjh

last:

drink: water hddhh im so happie to hear everyones answer is water too stay fresh

phone call: ................ oh my mum i was gonna say i dont call ppl but she called the house phone yesterday

text message: ‘what’ jhddsjhjhsh

song you listened to: beside you by 5so/s im wheesinghs falen kdhs

time you cried: really cried??? january on a thursday aka last month i broke down in school djhhsjh schools the place i cry the most i couldnt go through one month without breaking downdjhdhs every year i have 2 cry there at least once apparently jesushdjs

have you ever:

dated someone twice: i havent even dated anyone once

been cheated on: see above

kissed someone and regretted it: see above

lost someone special: immmdmfmmdkks i guess not? in terms of friends they were special but not anymore so i guess that doesnt count

been depressed: nope

been drunk and thrown up: in this house we only drink water

in the past year have you:

made a new friend: heck yeah? i made so many good pals after revamping this blog im so happie :( 

fallen out of love: no lol i stopped having this crush on this person at the end of 2016 best decision of my life

laughed until you cried: one too many times but i cant remember any ;-/ 

met someone who changed you: falen?? but everyone has an effect on mehjd 

found out who your true friends are: well . yeah

found out someone was talking about you: idk i dont rememberjhdhjhs i dont care enough

general:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: only karissa and she doenst even use tumblr much ;-/ 

do you have any pets?: i wish i did D: but not now.. jsjd maybe when im out of this country/place

do you want to change your name?: ifjkksj not rly..??????? i just hated it for a while when i was younger bc i didnt like the nicknames that came with my namejhddh

what time did you wake up this morning: 11am fuck my life

what were you doing last night: giffing :D and then i gave up bc it started messing up so i went to bed

name something you cannot wait for: school to start bc im excited since its a whole new jhhdhsh thng? but im also terrified im learning physics theres a reason why i took biology instead man my course is called biotechnology nothhjjhhjjhsjhhf physics dont interact 

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: the only tom i know is tom from tom and jerry

what’s getting on your nerves right now: the gifs 

blood type: a emoji

nickname: when ging said her answer i lost my mind how many of you arent using ur real names tf... does ging stand for ginger also this question is about me hold onfjdhhhjshd uh egg and meggan i guess? nutfucker toojhdjhhjdh bc that was my ig name so irl ppl would call me that and embarrass me thanks or just nut because of that username too

relationship status: never dated thank god

zodiac sign: capricorn sun and taurus moon im the .optimum dirt call me soil hdjsh also i showed ayesha my chart and she lost her mind saying the reason why i say oh worm so much is bc im like 50% earth i couldnt stop laughing tumblr install a filter search function in chats i need to dig that up 

pronouns: she/her

favorite show: haikyuu i aint gonna stop loving u bitch

college: idk what this means either im not gonna tell yall my school im gonna be doing biotechnology tho trust me i dont know what the fuck that course is about im a fool all i know is that it has to do with cells [changkyun voice] well its cells

hair color: black but i like to think its brown

do you have a crush on someone: crushes and the whole. love game is cursed 

what do you like about yourself: i learn... from my mistakes i guess idk also im generally friendly .         ...

firsts:

first surgery: none

first piercing: none im a [redacted] 

first sport you joined: fucking. golf or swimming or tennis i used to be all about sports now i just. walk 

first vacation: probably malaysia

first pair of sneakers: converse which i used to deem as clown shoes ... now all i wear are converse dkhhdshj

right now:

eating: amylase 

drinking: nothing i need to drink water im thirsty hold on stay hydrated if ur reading this drink some water

i’m about to: pee i need to go, 

listening to: spotify ad time hates me. ill go back to this later oh wait this isnt a spotify ad anymore scavenger by finish ticket who r they? idk either my friend recommends me songs and theyre good but by bands ive never heard of

want kids: no iwnt animals

get married: marriage ? sounds phake

career: ive been saying this since 2016 but farmer

which is better:

lips or eyes: i hate myself i read lips and thought of l** m*nhyuk ;-/ singularity’s impact! and nojhhsjjhdh idk? fucking both i guess ??????? i dont look at peoples faces often

hugs or kisses: depends on the kiss but i love huggingjdhjhd i dont think. id be able to hug certain people tho? which is weird im fine with likejhdhjsjh hugging this person (usually happens when we’re watching movies bc djdkjjs im a [redacted] again so i have to hide my eyes) but i cant imagine myself.. hugging my other friendshjhdh??? idk itd be awkward ig 

shorter or taller: taller ! love me that height if ur below 165 cm dont talk to me

older or younger: older ???? or my age idk 

romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous im always like this with my friendsjhfhjhdh me: hey lets walk there instead my friends: ready tof ucking kill me

sensitive or loud: a ? a mediudndjs like... an in between 

hookup or relationship: preferably nothing but relationship of coursehjhd

troublemaker or hesitant: an inbetween jjdshjshd?? idk shit lads

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: drank sparkling water once it counts 

lost contacts/glasses: no im so blind they always have to be on my fucking face 

sex on first date: sex never . 

broken someone’s heart: yeah but when i was kid so it probably didnt mean much 

been arrested: iddjsh i was gonna joke but i cant think of anything so no

turned someone down: jhdhhdjs yeah but mostly like hangouts?? hdjhd not like dates and shit 

fallen for a friend: let me think the first girl i liked wasnt a friend but when we became friends i was like o womrie nvm but she did help me realize im Not straight as did tumblr which even tho i constantly insult it helped me a lot fjdhjhs but my two crushes after were on my friends ;-/ my first crush unfortunately on a guyddhhs wasnt my friend either tho damn now u guys know my whole backstory :D

do you believe:

in yourself: sometimes bitch has 2 get those grades man

miracles: yes you (love live) please come home........ ... .... 

love at first sight: dam. was gonna talk abt anime again but hjhdhshj no ? i guess not maybe like wow ur attractive at first sight but thats it

if u read until the end thank u ur the realest have a good day!!!!!

[teufortyaoi]

uniiversaalrerum replied to your post “who wants to hear my essay on how spirit albarn was emotionally (and...”

do tell

alright so sorry if this is disorganized i swear ive thought this out, and also this involves a lot of speculation considering we never see kami (i know that’s not actually her name and it’s a translation error but im just gonnna use it) but i think that itself is a clue, anyway--

let’s start with the fact that spirit has a need to please. we mostly see this with maka, considering she is his daughter and she kinda despises him. but i think we can also see this after the eve party nightmare arc, when he’s cleaning the hell out of everything to please shinigami. sure, it’s again driven by maka, but he still wants desperately to please.

and actually, let’s talk about that, too. why was he so sure that he would be sent away? consider that we know he’s death’s most powerful scythe. it’s said several times in canon. so why would he be sent away over making a mistake about where to go? if you think about what he knew when the lock was coming down, he made the right choice. he had no idea when death would be able to leave, he just knew medusa was a witch and she was escaping and stein and the kids were being jettisoned out of there to probably fight her

he made the only choice that made sense. chasing the witch.

and death would know this. so why was spirit so sure that he was going to be sent away from the city and his daughter? because of insecurity, and he had been shown that mistakes bring the ultimate punishment: loss of contact with maka

the only reason spirit sees maka as often as he does is because she goes to the school he works at. but we know how loving and devoted a father he is (if a little silly and overprotective). so why did kami get full custody? because the justice system always sides with women, no matter if they are the better parent or not. and what did kami do with that full custody?

she left

immediately

in fact, she might have already been gone while judges were deciding that somehow she was the more responsible parent. because the series starts just after the divorce was finalized, but from how maka acts when she gets a postcard, her mother has already been gone for months. what kind of parent leaves their child alone when theyre in the middle of a divorce?

and yes, kami is a meister, so maybe she was away on important meister business. but still, wouldnt the very recent divorce at least earn a visit home? or a phone call? in fact, what parent stays away for months at a time, doing a dangerous job, and knowing that their child is doing the same dangerous job, would not constantly call for check ups? what parent just sends a postcard every few months, with no other word of “hey maka, how have you been?”

you cant deny that, objectively, spirit would have been more responsible. yes, he’s an alcoholic--but he’s an alcoholic because of the divorce, because he has no custody of maka. he’s right there in the city, to support her. but because he has no custody, he barely has the chance to rebuild a relationship with the most important thing in his life. even if kami hated him for cheating, she would know how good of a father he is. so why did she take custody?

spite and punishment

she hates him for cheating. which, is warranted. but she also hates him for getting out of his control. here’s where it gets pretty speculative, but stick with me. we know they had maka when spirit was ~18. they probably found out about the pregnancy when he was 17. which is fucking terrifying in the first place, adding onto the fact theyre in the middle of a dangerous war, and we dont know if spirit was a deathscythe by this time. either way, terrifying. they dont know what to do. so they get married. and we can all agree 18 is too young to get married, right? so already at a young age, spirit was tied down to kami through pregnancy and marriage (and her to him)

consider again spirit’s irrational urge to please, and his belief that mistakes will cause him to lose maka. i think that kami would use maka against him. if he did something she didnt like, she’d remind him that they were married, he had a responsibility to them, if he didnt do what she said he wouldn't be seeing maka again. (she’d also kami chop him, which i think arguably could be said is physical abuse, but idk since it’s played as comedy within the series. interpret as u will). she wanted him under her thumb, because she was his meister and he was her weapon, and meisters control their weapons

i also think she was turning maka against him. we know from pictures and flashbacks that spirit was a doting father. he loved her more than anything. but ask maka, and all she can remember is the cheating. which is valid, but it seems like she completely ignores the good memories. i think all this was reinforced by her mother, that her father is awful and doesnt love them

now i know this is all conjecture, but consider maka. we know her personality is a lot like kami’s. spirit says so. so,we can kind of infer kami’s personality through hers. let’s go down the list. stubborn, confident, strong, temperamental. consider how her and soul get along at the start of the series. they fight constantly. soul gets maka chopped pretty frequently. consider the fact that soul and spirit are actually a lot alike. laid back, kinda emotional, obsessed with a certain image (cool, flirty). i think we can infer spirit and kami’s relationship from maka and soul’s. and i think that shows a lot

consider if soul and maka hadnt improved their relationship. consider if suddenly they had a kid and had to get married. consider if soul was just a little less stubborn and a little more submissive (and a little more like spirit)

what you’ve got there is an undeniably toxic relationship

now, to address the cheating. it wasnt right, no matter what, it was especially awful that maka saw. but i dont think that changes the fact that spirit was cheating to feel loved. if kami was like i say she is--if she was controlling, and belittling, and using maka against him. do you think he’d feel loved? not at all. so what does he turn to? the only thing that he can think of, that will make him feel loved: sex and women. kami didnt provide him the support he needed. he was already emotionally unstable bc of stein and his whole deal. kami should have been understanding, patient, loving. instead she kami chopped him into a shape she liked

spirit turned to cheating bc sex was the only thing that made him feel like he was wanted. and kami--kami didnt like losing control. so she punished him the best way she could: taking maka

in conclusion, spirit is insecure and afraid of rejection and losing his daughter because his exwife took custody just to make him feel like shit bc he left her control, thanks for coming to my tedtalk and im sorry this is so long

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[lunarmoonacnh]

i was tagged by the amazing @unhugme

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: diet coke

2. Phone call: my mum

3. Text message: my best friend telling him goodnight 

4. Song you listened to: Michael Jackson - Pretty Young Thing bc it was on the radio 

5. Time you cried: like last night or the night before coz it was 2am and life

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: ive barely even dated someone once lmao

7. Been cheated on: yup...

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no i dont think so

9. Lost someone special: yes, my great grandpa

10. Been depressed: yes, im currently seeing a therapist 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes! every time i drink unless its wine, for some reason wine doesnt make me sick. i think its because i once totally over did it on spirits and cider so not they just taste like the time i almost died and my body cant take it

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. grey

13. mint green

14. blush pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes, i started college so i made new irl friends because of that and i have also mad new internet friends through this blog 

16. Fallen out of love: kinda, depends how you look at it. i didnt know i had fallen out of love until the relationship had ended and i didnt feel as sad as i thought i would

17. Laughed until you cried: always, when i’m with my friends all i do is cry laugh 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, it happens a lot, sometimes negative and sometimes positive 

19. Met someone who changed you: yes, for good and bad. 

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes, once i left school i knew who my real friends are because they are the ones who kept in touch and the ones who didnt do other things that they knew would hurt me

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yess

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most, i dont know them all personally but i know of them all, no strangers for me

23. Do you have any pets: not at my house but we are getting our little puppy Sully in 14 days. i do have a cat and a dog at my dads house but i very rarely go visit 

24. Do you want to change your name: no, i used to want to when i was a kid because i used to get bullied because i had a ‘boys’ name (Billie) but now i like it because its unique  

25. What did you do for your last birthday: met my friends that i met on the internet that are now irl friends for a meal and to go shopping. we went for pizza and bowling and then shopping before they had to leave again:(

26. What time did you wake up: usually between 8am and 9am without an alarm 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was actually sleeping for once if not i was watching youtube videos

28. Name something you cannot wait for: to get my puppy and to meet up with and have a party with my internet/irl friends again in summer

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: like 15 minuets ago befroe i came upstairs to do this

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could control my anxiety and depression or even not have it at all. i also wish my dad would pay me more attention and want to see me more because i miss him and its almost like he forgets i was his first kind before he mt his new wife

31. What are you listening to right now: the 1975

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i mean i have a cousin name Thomas? but never someone just called Tom without it being shortened 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: life? no but like the fact that im not allowing myself to do the things i want to do out of pure fear

34. Most visited website: Tumblr of course... it is never off my browser 

35. Elementary: ive honestly never wanted to go back to a time in my life more than i want to go back to elementary/primary school 

36. High School: no thanks to that. i wish i could have been one of the people that called it the best years of their lives not 5 years of asshole bullying me 

37. College/university: im commenting on this as England college (16-18 year olds) and ive just dropped out of one part (sixth from) where i was taking 3 subjects Media studies and Film studies which i loved and will miss and Psychology wich i did love but wont miss because i couldnt do it and it made my anxiety sky rocket. in september i start a makeup course and i am so excieted to be a qualified makeup artist this time next year

38. Hair colour: mousy brown

39. Long or short hair: long, like almost to my butt long (yes its natural)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but i could never pursue it bc he is my friend and i wouldnt want to ruin that. ive made that mistake with my ex.

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes. they are grey and kinda ombre like they hae a really dark ring on the outside and they get lighter closer to my pupil

42. Piercings: yes, my first and second lobes on both ears, my helix and forward helix on my left ear. half way up my ear and my rook on my right ear and then my nose 

43. Blood type: i have no idea, do people actually know this?

44. Nickname: Bil and B although i dont like B (pronounced like Bee) but its what my cousins have called my since i was really small so it doesnt bother me that much with them 

45. Relationship status: extremely single

46. Zodiac sign: Aquarius 

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: pretty little liars, it has just finished and now i am re watching it to find clues about A that i missed 

49. Tattoos: no, but i have a couple planned 

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST… 51. Surgery: teeth removed they are the only ops ive ever had and will ever have to have touch wood

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i danced as a majorette does that count?

55. Vacation: i honestly have no idea, i think i went to Devon though (its a place in the UK) all i know is my first holiday was during 9/11 

56. Pair of trainers: probably like Nike Airs or something Adidas i have no idea 

57. Eating: i actually know this bc my older cousin fed me a wham bar (a british, i think, chewy candy thing) when i was 3 week old, so i could have died the ifrst time i hate lmao

58. Drinking: i was 14, i know i shouldnt have been drinking because my mum made me promise her i wouldnt, but i remember being so drunk (idk if it was real or faked tbh) on alcopop thats right 4% alcohol and i probs had like 3 

59. I’m about to: go get my cousins baby off his Nan so she can get his older brother from nursery

60. Listening to: idk if this is like asking the same as earlier? coz if so t]still the 1975

61. Waiting for: my friend to reply to me an tell me when he is taking me for coffee 

62. Want: my dog

63. Get married: probs idk

64. Career: i dont have one rn but hopefully a makeup artist

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: rn hugs i need to hug someone while i fall to sleep so bad its been so long 

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: taller bc im also tall so i need someone taller than me (i dont need but i like a partner to be tall)

68. Older or younger: older, people y age are immature so any younger and i may as well spend my time with a 10 year old

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont mind tbh

71. Sensitive or loud: both? not too loud though ya girl has sensitive ears 

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im demisexual (it took me 17 years to figure that out) so hook ups aren’t my thing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: it depends because i tend to be the cause of arguments and things because im honest but im not out there to cause trouble i just dont like to lie

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: no

75. Drank hard liquor?: yes, dont do it, its bad kids

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: yes, i lose my glasses all the goddamn time

77. Turned someone down: yes, i always feel bad but you cant force feelings

78. Sex on first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i know of, i doubt it though

80. Had your heart broken: yes, again not fun

81. Been arrested: nooo

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: not always

85. Miracles: yes, the baby i spoke about earlier? yeah hes my miracle, he was born with a new strain of meningitis, he has had 3 lots of brain surgery (at a week old) and the doctors said it was a very low chance he would survive. he did 3 times. his heart also stopped 3 times, again he is here. he also had multiple surgeries on his joints, we got told he wouldnt walk but here he is at 16 months running around like a crazy person and loving life with his older brother  

86. Love at first sight: i mean no, how can you fall in love with someone based off their face (no matter how many cute people you see on the street that you think you love, you probably dont)

87. Santa Claus: hes real in my house

88. Kiss on the first date: ive never been on a proper date so

89. Angels: yeah, i really love t believe in thse things because its cute

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: im not saying their name coz idk if thats a good idea tbh

91. Eye colour: greyyy

92. Favourite movie: Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland i just love his aesthetic and the story of Alice so put them together and you have a winner

ok i dont have 25 people to tag but i do tag @theflowerkingdom @kinkylildanny @creepyphantasia @imjustacanforallthephantrash and @dead-nightingale 

if you are reading this and you want to do it, go for it and just say i tagged you!

[waterparksk-blog]

11 questions

So I got a bunch of these and I didnt realise until now so here goes!! (whoops its taken me like two days to actually answer these)

Thanks so much to @geoffwigingtonshair @gloomboysmp3 @applepuns @musictrash0426​ @fronkieroismyhero​ for tagging me xx (sorry if I missed out anyone ahh)

1.current favourite album? it changes everyday but double dare or life’s not out to get you

2. how tall are you? 5′5 and a hALF that half is very important it makes me above average height

3. do you have/want any tattoos? not really but I think they’re pretty cool

4. physical copies or digital downloads? physical

5. What was your first concert (if you’ve had one)? loool the jingle bell ball

6. marvel or dc or don’t care at all? yikes don’t really care sorryyy

7. star sign? sagitarius but they found like two new ones idk and if you count that I’m ophiuchus

8. favourite movie? ahhh this is hard... all harry potter

9. what made you get tumblr? so this one specifically I wanted a parx blog but my original one was for funny stuff

10. do you want to get married (not to me don’t worry, just like in general)? not keen on it at the minute but I might change my mind idk

11.who is your favourite person in the world? can I say my dog ??

1)favourite colour? changes a lot but maybe blue

2) favourite band/artist? waterparkssss

3) favourite hobby/pass time? haven’t done it in ages but surfing

4) favourite game? slam like the card game

5) colour of your eyes? blue / lil bit grey

6)how long have you had tumblr? since I was 14?? maybe 13?? idk

7) Favourite season? summer bc holidayssss

8) Do you want any piercings? yeah I lowkey want a nose piercing

9)how do you sleep? badly haha my cycle is non existent, but idk like on my side?? depends

10)dream job? volunteering abroad to help people and getting to see the world at the same time

11)favourite quote? To love, to be loved. To never forget your own insignifcance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest of places. To persue beauty into it’s lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, not power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.   -Arundhati Roy

1. what is the first band you remember getting ~into~? snow patrol and green day when I was a kid I’d play them off my dad’s ipod and jump up and down on the bed hahah

2. most recent artist/band you’ve been obsessed with? waterparks

3. do you have any cool “party tricks”? i can vibrate my eyes and i can thow stuff really high and catch it in my mouth like mints and stuff

4. are you homeschooled or do you go to public school or maybe have you graduated yet? public school (the english kind, some places say private and public the other way for school I think??) and i’m in sixth form

5. top 5 favorite people in the world? yikes. my dog, my sister even tho she annoys me, my friends can have the rest of the spaces lol

6. do you have pets? if so what kind and how many? my dog xx

7. would you like to have children some day? if so, would you adopt/foster? no kids for me but I aprove of adoption sm like why keep adding kids to the world when there are already ones that need a family

8. what’s your favorite meme? all of them I just spent like half an hour looking at memes trying to chose but I can’t

9. favorite book? ahhhhhhhhh! harry potter is always going to win but the raven cycle is also a fab series would really reccomend

10. what would you like to be doing right now if time/money/age/energy weren’t an issue? volunteering and traveling the world

11. what do you do in your free time? sleep honestly

1.Do you have any pets? ya my dog

2. Favorite youtuber? don’t really have one whoops

3. What is your favorite thing about yourself? idk sense of humour maybe

4. Do you remind yourself that you’re gorgeous? (If not, you should.) nope, sometimes tho i’m like ‘gal if you put in some effort to like anything you’d be a badass unstoppable bitch’

5. Have you had your first kiss? no and its getting a little tragic at this point

6. If you have kids, what would you name them? mistake lmaooo, just kidding idk tbh maybe aara for a girl and isaac for a boy

7. Favorite place? the beach not that i live near one

8. Dream concert? like a week long festival with all my favourite bands

9. One person you can’t live without? no one suck it

10. Do you have any siblings? my sister

11. What color are your eyes? blue / lil bit of grey

1. What was the last concert you went to? blink 182

2. Star Wars of Star Trek? don’t really have a strong opinion on it but star wars is the only one I’ve seen properly

3. Do you believe in a higher power, religious or spiritual? nope

4. What’s your favourite kind of flower? hmmm maybe roses 5. If you had one day left to live, what would you eat? everything, chips, pizza, lasagne, pasta, a load of ben and jerry’s, cookies, all the food

6. Where do you usually wear perfume? Behind the knees? Neck? Ears? neck

7. How long doe it usually take for you to get ready in the morning? for school like 20 minutes

8. Are you wearing any jewellery right now? nope

9. Is there a band/artist you can’t stop listening to, even though it’s embarrassing to admit? nah not really ??

10. What methods do you use to calm down after being angry or upset? plotting revenge without actually doing it or music

11. What’s your favourite kind of weather? thunder storms or sun

whoops does answering extra questions mean I don’t have to make any up??

[kwarkdongyeon-blog]

Thanks for the tag @kpop-text-messages 1. Nickname(s): Anna, Bakehyun(Thanks As), Anniedepannie, Bebe, IRENE 2. Bias: Jaehyun <3 and Seungjun and Moonbin/ exosexo and mille are my baes too 3. Blood type:  I have no idea lmao 4. Relationship status: Single but i stick to my cat 24/7 so that counts too 5. Birthday: 12th of Januari 6. Zodiac sign: Capricorn 7. Pronouns: She/her 8. Hair length: Long af i need to go to the hairdresser lmao 9. Height: I think around 1.73?  10. A crush: Jaehyun is my crush omfg bae 11. What do you like about yourself: I’m really social 12. Right or left handed: Right handed oh baby 13. List of three favourite colours: Baby blue, red and army green(Bts green joeee) 14. Right now eating: Nothing it’s 3 am 15. Right now drinking: Nothing it’s 3 am 16. I’m about to: Play a game with @samalionj 17. Listening to: @kpop-text-messages talking about Taeyong(Baby) 18. Kids: Maybe later 19. Get married: I hope someday pls <3 20. Recent phone call: With my mom i guess? 21. Have you ever dated someone twice: Never dated lol, rip me 22. Been cheated on: Nahh, don’t think so 23. Kissed someone and regretted it: I didn’t kiss lol 24. Lost someone special: Yes, i lost my grandmother 2 years ago, but was better this way. 25. Been depressed: I wouldn’t say depressed, but i’m kinda down atm, bc life isn’t that easy right now. But trying to stay positive kinda works ^^ 26. Been drunk and thrown up: I didnt lmao 27. Had glasses or contacts: Wearing contactlenses for 8 years right no 28. Had sex on a first date: Eh no lol 29. Broken someone’s heart: I have no idea 30. Turned someone down: Only with going out i guess and by being saved by my friends lmao. 31. Cried when someone died: I’m always crying at funerals, so definitely yes. 32. Fallen for a friend: Nope 33. In the last year have you made a new friend: I met some friends in school with who I’m really close, and also my friendship with @kpop-text-messages and @samalionj became stronger joeeee. 35. Laughed until you cry: Probably with my best friend about something really stupid lel 36. Met someone who changed you: I don’t really think so 37. Found out who your true friends were: I definitely found out rip. 38. Found out someone was talking about you: React shocked but let them talk. I don’t really like conflicts that much. 39. Lips or eyes: Eyes 40. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 41. Shorter or taller: Taller joeee 42. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous (:  43. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 44. Hookup or relationship: Relationship 45. First best friend: My best friend i met in elementary school, who i don’t really talk that much too, but it’s always fun with her. 46. Surgery: Two lel 47. Sports I joined: Swimming, Dancing, Horse riding, Ice skating, Skeelering 48. Do you believe in yourself: Not really rip, and that’s really annoying 49. Miracles: That I will finish my internship without crying lol 50. Love at first sight: Knk tbh help me 51. Heaven: nct doing a concert in the netherlands 52. Do you have any pets: i live on a farm, and we have a dog and three cats. 53. Do you want to change your name: Nahh don’t want to 54. What did you do for your last birthday: A lot, i did go out eat with friends and i played games with more friends lmao. 55. What time did you wake up today: Around 9 o’clock? 56. What were you doing last night at midnight: I fell asleep lol 57. Something you can’t wait for: The sushi next friday lmao AND THE SUMMER VACATION WILL BE SO MUCH FUN AAAAH 58. Last time you saw your mom: Eeh last wednesday 59. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Be a little braver and don’t be scared to make mistakes. 60. What’s getting on your nerves: Almost everything tbh

Tagging @samalionj who is already typing this lol bye

[slythian]

I know their are people out their who wonder what its like to know what someone in certain situations think and maybe this can in someway help someone else out there someday so if you see my post please share it so it spreads out there so people can see it and hopefully learn something from the pain I go through.sorry about any terrible grammar I’ll try my best but i suck at that…I’m going to put what my are issues out their that led me to being the way I am today and share my thought on my depression and suicidal tendencies.I know two of my closest friends will see this either stop here and skip this post all together or continue to read it past here to know some of my thoughts and y'all may know parts and you may not know other parts.this is to help share my mind and my issues where even of I end up failing to continue my fight that most days I feel like I will fail at maybe this post could help others out their or give others perspective to learn from where I failed to.I know I’m putting this in place where I know my family can’t see it though and that is for my peace of mind on purpose.I know theirs alot of people on here and a lot of people do go here for fun art or sharing/try to deal with their problems maybe someone will be able to learn from where i can’t and truly find a way to continue their lives……I have what most people would consider a great life over all.I have a roof over my head,food on the table ,even family and friends that love the hell out of me,I even have a job where I make money to do things I wanna do even with paying bills.I grew up with a loving family that tought me to care with all my heart and treat everyone you can with the best respect you can manage. to live life with your heart and care about everyone. This resulted in me growing up a sarcastic dick head of a friend that most people love to have around in their lives.But I’m one of the most caring persons I know which when u care as much as I do about everyone that can lead to many issues and problems and caring as much as I do has led to many of the problems I plan to talk about here in a few. Since I love and care about people as much as i do this has the unfortunate side effect that when people have messed you over so bad you stop caring completely and or hate them someone can’t come back from that with me normally.most of my life was great and yah I didn’t really have a lot of issues surfacing and any I did just stayed buried to where they didnt effect me to much but growing up a.d.h.d. and a.d.d. and being told your bipolar always taking meds for it all kinda sucks.especially since meds never helped any growing up so always taking them kinda shurked me away from medication. I had to find the things that could help with these things and for me this things I was able to get lost in was art and drawing,music, video games,and the biggest one that always was my favorite thing above all else reading fictional books and stories with things like magic,dragons, faries ect. For me these were the escapes to help me deal with the disorders I was diagnosed with at an early age.my mom and dad were never married and wernt together really after I was born as I was born through them breaking up ironically so kinda a mistake to begin with.but both my parents didn’t live together but have always been in my life and as a kid I loved and lived with my mom and worshipped the ground my father walked on. Now I have three siblings one middle older brother on my dads side we share different moms and my oldest brother and younger sister on my moms side we all share different dads.I lived with my sibling on my moms side and barley saw my brother on my dads side.my dad tried to act like a father to me and my siblings on my moms side which growing up I have kinda realized that my father never really cared about me as much and the kids that aren’t his as he wouldnt pick me up for custody appointed times if he didnt get the other kids which is where of my problems began when I was younger always seems like noone cared about me when it really mattered and always chose other people over me including the father who I worshipped and cared about more then anything as a young child.only people I have always had that never doubted they cared about me even till an adult was my mom and my siblings looking back until these last few years.so I had the issues when younger of disorders I couldnt do much about and a father who didn’t really care about me.now wish those were all the problems I had to deal with.I was born in 1995 and until 2010 you could say my life was great overal compared to what followed but when I was really young my mom dated a guy that ended up creating my sister but was an abusive prick so had that to deal with till he went to jail few years after my sister was born in 1998 other then that was great till I was 15. so when I was 15 years old I decided I wanted do be an idiot and have the father I always worshipped go for custody of me to try and make my relationship better with everyone I currently lived with at my moms better bc during the time period of living with her she married my step dad and all which was great to an extent but always fighting with sibling step dad and mom got old I cared about them so much and hoped by moving out that things would get better.things did and didn’t bc my dad going for custody of me which was my decision even though he wanted it to I asked him to do so.things that went bad for this decision was my mom went back to stripping to help pay bills at the time for losing money to pay on the house we lived in that was going to trying to fight me moving in with my dad since my mom knew my dad was a piece of crap while I had no idea.which when she was driving after wards one night of stripping got into a wreck that crippled her for the rest of her life.I always feel responsible for her wreck and her death that followed a few hears later bc it all extended from a choice I made even if they made their owe choices to.its something I’ve always partially felt responsible for and feeling responsible for the death of your own mother takes a toll after awhile too.but she was crippled in the sense of everything from the neck down she couldnt use right and she couldnt live and survive on her own after that.I went to live with my dad seeing her for custody appointed times after that.for the following three years thats how my life went….going to school living with my dad and seeing my mom on weekends after a decision I made costed her most of her life after that point ever being the same.I know that its not entirely my fault but still always have felt I share some blame for it all too.my dad actually turned out to be the kind of dad whose their your entire life but really doesnt care about you at all just what he gets out of the equation of you being alive and me living with him meant he didnt pay child support anymore.I learned what type of person he was those following three years.my middle brother whose older then me lived with us for awhile till my father put his hands on him and that’s not okay after what I had gone through when I was younger.two of my biggest pet peeves in this world is never cheat on a person and never lay your hands on a women or children both are destructive as hell one is physical abuse and the other is more mental abuse but both can fuck you up so much more then almost anything else.this was when I started learning who my father really was and things got worse after that.. my father ended up stopping me from seeing my mom for weeks at a time when she was sapposed to have me for weekends and stuff which costed me alot of time with her the last few month of her life in 2013.my mom ended up passing away right before I turned 18 and graduated high school bc of complications from a nursing home she was in at this point.after losing time with my mom I moved out of my dads.at the point we had her funeral I learned that she had tried to kill herself twice few months before she passed away and had written me and her other two kids suicide notes and to this day I carry the note I was written by my mom in my wallet everywhere I go.this was my second time facing these types of situations as when I was young family friend commited suicide.so at first my main perspective on suicide was the same as most people out their. That suicide is idoitic,selfish,a cowards way out,a way to hurt those around you,a lot of wrong opinions.when I found out my mom had tried to do so my maine opinions were even though I missed her even if she had done so I couldnt bla.e her for the way her life was at that point I had a different view on suicide which had changed my earlier views on it all to thinking sometimes people dont see another way out all you can do is accept that they did what they decided to do.since then when my mom died my world was turned to he’ll since then my life to me has slowly gotten worse and worse for the last 5 years to now 2018. I had lived with my step dad and sister afyer moving out of my dads and at a certain point in time everything with my mom just started destroying me along with the loss of my grandmother I lost 3 months before my mom.my biggest fear I have learned are loosing the people closest to me to death. It absolutely destroyed me and I havnt been able to heal from any of them can’t deal with pain a big part of how much I care adds to the fact that the loss on the end side is so extreme I cant handle it.so in 2013 I had lost both my grandmother and my mom.fast forward to half way through 2017 I ended up looking both my grandfathers to cancer which messed me up a lot more then I was already while never being able to deal with the previous losses.I ended up being to messed up to deal with life itself I didn’t even know what was happening to me at all to begin with except I was fucked up in the head and wasnt able to feel anything but pain anymore after dealing with everything I have including being abondened at the time by some of the people that meant the most to me since at the time my brothers and sisters wernt talking to me and my step dad had left me to live in his house by himself and my sister went to live with our older brother I had felt abandoned by every one I cared about.it turns out that I have depression and anxiety just having been diagnosed with it recently along with being suicidal when I tried to kill myself by downing a bottle of pills a year ago.I had really good friends ive fucked up everything I used to have with and others I barley saved a friendship with.even if they probably are better of in the end without me around from my point of view.I just dont see why people decide to deal with me a depressive and suicidal problematic person even if they decide to stupidly care. it turns out that depression and anxiety effect everything within your mind from how things effect you to how your brain can interpret things and makes your brain tell you lies like noone cares about you when clearly people do but you can’t run from whats in your own mind so you start to believe the lies that your own mind is telling you.you start to believe that the only escape from the pain is to end your life especially when nothing makes you happy anymore and everything in you life you used to enjoy you can’t enjoy anymore.nothing seems to have any impact but to make you miserable. Your brains tricks you and a lot of people can get help with this.you can talk to people wether a professional or just friends and family..try taking pills that are prescribed by a doctor for depression or anxiety and sometimes that can help for some people like me no matter what I have done nothing does any good for me it has no impact for me.the thing that sucks the most is the day I gave up on life and decides to commit suicide I failed which meant I had to live with the consequences of my actions including the suicide notes I left to friends and family in some cases I almost lost friendships bc of decisions I made and words I put in those letters and thankfully I still have that person in my life but I almost ended that by being stubborn and stupid for feeling things and not keeping it to myself.their are some things though no matter what you do you can't get rid of feeling things for certain people you either learn to live with it being their or hid it from the people who dont want to know its there at all.that's what I deal with now for three people who have mattered the most to me in a different way then everyone else.the biggest thing I have to live with as long as I still do live is the fact the day I decided to kill myself I gave up being their for my younger sister which destroyed her and I have to now deal with the pain I caused the people I love by being me.I always no matyer what others tell me feel like I’m a problem in everyone’s lifes and in the end just hurt the people I care about.but the sad thing is it has been true but the people that care about me have still tried to be their for me even though I think in the end its just a waste of time for those who care about me bc I feel like in the end I’m just going to keep failing everyone around me.the people who love you and are around will tell you your not a failure and you won’t fail.I won’t tell you this since it may not help.the thing from someone in the headset of being exactly here is you may feel the same way I do try your best to find a reason to live for be it a person a hobby an animal if these things work for you find what helps.my problem is nothing helps me even in my situation I’m still fighting to try that’s all anyone can ask for even if you fail in the end you at least tried don’t let anyone make you feel bad for trying to fight.that’s all I will promise anyone anymore not that I wont fail but that I will do my best even if its not good enough in the end.I care and love everyone in my life but the problem is the pain is great and in most cases to much for me to handle pain from withing your own mind is a pain that’s different then any other kind I will always try and I hope everyone out there will try their best but everyones best is of different levels so is everyone’s ability to deal with levels of pain. I try evsrything I used to enjoy and even tried new things nothing really works hopefully I will find something that does something for me but I’m not really sure its possible to be fixed when you are to broken to heal but who knows either one day ill find a way or ill be gone either way that’s life just try to fight to survive no matter who you are out their that’s all I ask from someone who is their themselves is to try.its not selfish to fail but its selfish not to try at all. I dont know if this will ever help someone else but its a chance it will this is my story and I’m still living it at this moment in time. ✌😸✌September 17 2018