#bc they do well in the charts so it just leads me to believe

[bandzboy]

okay yes sm has released a statement about what has been going with riize and say they are gonna take action against people that have been invading their privacy (idk how much of this is true but anyways) my question is… why didn’t they do this with seunghan? they just put him on hiatus and then made him apologize they did nothing to protect him making it seem like he did something wrong i genuinely go crazy bc of this fucking company

[ladytauria]

Oh love the bfu au. The banter!!! The “what was that?” - “nothing, you didn’t see anything” glaring the supernatural threats away. Take me out. Like on a date? Or with a sniper gun. Surprise me

riiiight?! lmfao

just for this (& bc i love sharing) have some of what i've written for the AU~

“No,” Jason says flatly. “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon,” Tim wheedles. There’s a stubborn set to his jaw, his shoulders. He’s not the kind of person to let go of an idea, once it lodges in his brain. Jason admires it; the sheer force of will packed into all five feet and eight inches of him. He also hates it, especially when it leads to scenarios like this, the two of them on opposite sides, and unwilling to back down.

Because Jason is stubborn too. “No, Tim,” Jason says firmly, digging his metaphorical heels in. “I can think of oh, about a dozen better ways for us to spend our time.”

Tim frowns at him. Jason hates how adorable he finds it; hates the irrepressible urge he feels to smooth it away, perhaps with his own mouth. Tim jabs a finger at Jason’s chest, though the diner table between them keeps him from making contact. “You’re just afraid we’ll find proof, and you’ll have to eat your words.”

Jason scoffs. “Hardly.” He bats Tim’s hand away.

Tim isn’t actually far off the mark. He wants to go ghost hunting—no, more than that, he wants to start a ghost hunting show, exploring Gotham’s more haunted areas, and Jason… well. Jason is worried that they’ll find something. Not because he’ll have to eat his words, though, but because it could be dangerous.

If they stick to the locations that most people considered “active”, they’ll be fine. Those places aren’t haunted, not really. Maybe they had been once, but now it’s all residual energy, brought to life by overactive imaginations and nerves.

But Jason knows Tim—has gotten to know him quite well, over the past couple of years—and he knows that, while he may start with the popular locales, he won’t be satisfied with them forever. That’s charted territory. Tim prefers the unknown; the unexplained. So he’ll go digging, and probably find reports of places that are actually haunted.

And considering that this is Tim, who can find trouble just by walking down the street… well. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Not that Jason can say any of that. As far as Tim knows, Jason doesn’t believe in any of that bullshit. (Honestly, most of the stuff Tim talks about is bullshit, so it isn’t even that hard to pretend.) Jason wants to keep it that way.

Is it cruel, to lie to his best friend the way he’s doing?

Yeah, probably.

But it’s keeping Tim safe, so Jason never lets himself feel bad about it.

“I’m actually worried about you, I dunno, tripping over a raised floorboard and ending up with tetanus, or something,” Jason says. Which, to be fair, also a real fear, if less pressing.

Tim scowls at him and kicks Jason’s knee under the table. “I’m not that bad,” he protests. “And, anyway, even if I was, that’s what you’d be there for. To keep me from getting tetanus.” Tim smiles winningly, and Jason knows he’s lost.

He swipes a hand down his face, letting it linger over his mouth until the urge to smile back dies under resignation. “If I tell you no for real,” he says, “you’re just gonna ask someone else, aren’t you?” Someone with no experience, no training, no abilities. Someone who couldn’t keep themself safe, let alone Tim.

Tim shrugs apologetically, suppressed triumph creeping into his mouth. “Probably.”

Jason sighs. Dammit. “Well,” he says, leaning back in his shitty booth seat, faux leather creaking beneath him. “I always did like Old Gotham. S’gotta kinda charm to her, you know?”

Tim beams. Jason’s heart skips a beat. “This is going to be great!” Tim pumps a fist in the air, heedless of the way several heads swivel their way. It’s Gotham, though, so they turn back to their own tables quickly enough. “I already have a ton of ideas for places we can visit.” He reaches into his backpack—the beat-up, ratty one he keeps his camera equipment in, not his fancy school bag—and pulls out an iPad. He brings a document on screen. “I was thinking that, in order to build up viewership, we’d start with some of the more well-known places, you know? The ones everyone’s heard of, even if they don’t live here. Then we can move into some local gems, hidden places people don’t usually investigate.”

Jason hums, feeling stirrings of fondness despite himself. He takes the tablet, scrolling through the options while Tim goes back to his milkshake, only half gone.

Park Row Theater—formerly haunted, cleared by a baby Bruce. It was the catalyst for Alfred getting more serious in training him, and impressing upon him the dangers of dealing with ghosts. Even—or maybe especially—ones that might be familiar.

The Clocktower—not haunted, per se, but definitely a place with strong paranormal energies. Babs goes there to tap into them for her visions, sometimes; when she wants a clearer idea of the future. Probably safe enough, but Jason will still set up some wards before they go.

Wayne Manor—

Wait.

“Tim,” Jason says patiently. “Why is my house on here?”

Tim looks sheepish. “There have been rumors that Wayne Manor is haunted basically since the founding of Gotham,” he says.

Jason is hardly surprised. Wayne Manor was deliberately built on a nexus of powerful energy in order to study the paranormal. It isn’t haunted, exactly, but it’s close enough. “We’re not ghost hunting in my house.” He pauses. “Besides, I already know something freaky lives there. His name is Damian.” He pauses. “And sometimes Dick. No human should be able to bend like that.” He shudders theatrically.

Tim sputters, milkshake dribbling down his chin as he laughs. “Dick’s not that bad,” he says, once he cleans himself up.

“See, you say that, but you’ve never had to live with him. I assure you he is that bad.”

[nyxravessnow]

2023 Dramatical Murder Stage Flashback Report

Long time no see Tumblr!

I am finally back in Japan, and I am coming back with maybe a controversial post.

Back in 2019 I think I was the primary one on Tumblr talking about the stage play and I saw it twice live.

This time I managed to see it 5 times live and I have so many thoughts.

I have not seen the livestreams yet so these are all my thoughts based on seeing it live and on the Ren, Clear, Noiz, and Vitri routes which I saw. I will also not be putting in screenshots as I don't have any from the livestream.

Recast

Before I get into the report I just felt like I should deal with the recast I understand was hard for some people.

I just wanna put out a few thoughts i had on this.

No.1: Your feelings of being sad to not see Seiichan back are completely valid

No.2: Seiichan himself decided to step back and the fact that Nao was announced so soon shows that he was the understudy, and Seiichan knew about this. Therefore, Nao being there as an understudy allowed Seiichan to prioritize his health and not worry about the show his friends were so excited to return to was canceled and feel pressure to perform for them or fans.

No.3: Tsuchiya Naotake had less than a month to prepare everything for the character and yet developed such a deep and close bond with the cast, the character of Aoba, and the stage. He improved so much as the show continued and poured his heart and soul into this role. He respected the character that Seiichan set up for him and took care of the role very well.

I want to emphasize that Seiichan was not in this show and still made money from all the merchandise that had been prepared, however Nao had barely any merch, which is often the bulk of their pay for stages in Japan, and yet never once complained about the amount of work he was putting in. In the final show he even said that he has never once had negative thoughts about the show or thought it was to hard, he just loves it so much.

P.S. I am not saying Seiichan doesn't deserve to get money from merch, I am just pointing out that it is slightly unfair on Nao.

Tsuchiya Naotake

Since I've been talking about him, I will start my thoughts on the play by talking about the man playing the lead.

I will say that I liked Nao before this role in something else and was very excited to see him, however I feel like he still won me over as the show went on and I discovered trepidations about his performance I didn't know I had. I just want to highlight my thoughts by specifically talking about 3 shows that I saw.

Additionally, this is a bad situation that was not Nao's fault and this is probably the worst situation to get cast in your first main role but Nao never showed any negativity towards Aoba or the fans for this.

5/2 - Ren's Route

The first show I saw him in was Ren's route on the 2nd. I immediately knew he was very good for the role, but overall was not wowed by his performance. I think a big part of this was his chemistry with Shogo which I will get back to later.

5/5 - Clear’s Route

I could not have been more shocked by the difference only a couple of days made to Nao's performance. While on the 2nd he still seemed extremely nervous and to be holding himself back, on the 5th he was throwing himself as hard as he could into the role. My friend and I had spoken before the show about how we believed Seiichan had been better at screaming in Mink's SA scene in the first half and that night Nao performed that scene and put every ounce of himself into it. His chemistry with Yuuki was off the charts and when Yuuki (Clear) was giving him 100% of that Clear love he was giving it back 100%. Clear's route is also had bc it has 4 adlib sections for Aoba and Shogo (Ren) was being a bad senpai and not helping at all. His adlibs were so funny and really got Aoba. My favourite being 'I wonder what Clear’s face is gonna be like. Well, he has to be good looking as no one with an ass that good has a bad face.' Overall in this show he felt more relaxed and at ease with the show.

5/6 - Vitri Route

Nothing in heaven or earth could have prepared me for this route. I did ask my friend not to spoil me and I'm glad I went in blind but wow it went so much harder than I expected and Nao performed so incredibly. This route would be nothing without Nao's acting and the fact that it was so good is predominantly down to him. He was willing to go quite far to deliver a performance as game accurate as possible. His subtle changes from blank, to fear, to sadness, to anger, to pleasure were incredible to see and I was genuinely moved by his acting.

He gave himself freely to his costars and trusted in them to look after him and simply immersed himself in the performance which is difficult to do, especially for a show such as that.

I am so glad he got a route all of his own where he cannot be compared to anyone else as I feel this took the pressure off him and relaxed into it.

P.S. Also if you see any post show pics around curtain call of Nao looking blank they are most likely from Vitri route as in all the other curtain calls he was smiling so widely and was so happy, and the contrast with Vitri's was amazing.

He put his whole heart into this show, did so much research and loves this show and every character truly so much

He could have acted the exact same without the same love for the show and he still would have been excellent

But the amount of positive things he said about the other actors, characters, rehearsals, all the routes, and the play in general really showed a deep love and appreciation for the original and the fans. He even was constantly positive about the Vitri route, shocking even their actors, as he poured out his love for every single one in an effort to make the audience love it even a little bit more

He had to, rather quickly, learn a really difficult script and choreography (created for another actor with acrobatic talents that he did not possess prior to this show) And by the final shows there was no way you could have known any of that from just watching the show

Aoba is truly one of the hardest roles in not just 2.5D, not just Japanese theatre, but theatre in general bc you basically have to learn 6 separate scripts, hard dance and fight choreography, be on stage for like 2 hours straight and in every scene, do all of the sex scenes too

But this never once dampened his love or spirit.

In the first show for Noiz route, he forgot two of his lines and had a couple of seconds of silence before he remembered them and he was crying at curtain call.

He put so much pressure onto himself and delivered to us I think some of the best acting in 2.5D, especially from a relatively new actor

As a result of this role, it would not be an exaggeration to say he is among my favourite actors.

I also appreciate how, despite this being his first ever experience of anything BL (yaoi is a term used exclusively in the west), he approached it with 0 judgement to the genre or fans. He said he once believed it was a genre where men fell in love with men, but through dmmd has discovered it is rather about a love that gender is not dependent on, or someone you fall in love with that happens to be a man.

Also, he is an absolute Koujaku simp and it was so sweet to see his eyes glitter every time Koujaku did anything. (This made me want to see Koujaku's route so much as my friend said it was their best one and Nao even added an extra kiss in the final performance)

Whatever you think about Nao and the recast, he has now played Aoba for the same amount of time as Seiichan and has made the role as much his own as Seiichan did. Aoba belongs to Seiichan and he now belongs to Nao too.

Routes

I now want to finally give my thoughts on some of the routes and the show in general. The only order I have put them in is how much I have to say about them.

5/2-5/5-5/6-5/7-5/7 First Half, 'Mizuki's route'

Unofficially dubbed Mizuki's route by some of the cast, which is incorrect pls give us actual Mizuki route, the first half of the play is a simple improvement on the original. The group has different dynamics, acting choices are different, and there are parts I prefer with Nao and parts I prefer with Seiichan but overall as a show, it is an improvement on the original and the blocking and staging sees little change. Naoya (Mizuki) screams his heart after scrap and he is truly the mvp of the first half.

5/7 - Noiz's route

I will start with the show I have the least to say about. It was good! Nao and Rikiya (Noiz) have good chemistry and the show felt very true to the original. Personally Noiz and his route isn't for me and I think some of the jumps they make in the story can be a bit jarring but overall is very good. The hospital sex scene is still really weird in its choreography and I don't necessarily vibe with it. If you liked it before l, good bc it is exactly the same XD

5/2-5/7 - Ren's Route

I'm not gonna say too much about this route bc I don't want to be negative but I do think this is the worst route on stage, including Koujaku's and Mink's too from what I have heard about them. Nao and Shogo have fantastic chemistry...as brothers. They never give off the vibe of lovers and first day I saw the sex scene they barely looked at each other. Nao is a very reciprocal actor and it was clear that there were not really any romantic sparks flying from either side for the route. This is the only route I will say, and ever say, that I wish we'd had Seiichan instead of Nao for. Shogo felt like he was holding himself back with Nao and, with how well he knows Seiichan, I can't see him doing that with him. Whenever not with Ren, Nao was excellent but I was left wanting a bit more from their dynamic.

5/5 - Clear’s Route

This was beautiful and heartbreaking in all the right ways. On the final night of Clear’s Route, Yuuki poured every single ounce of love he has for Clear into the role and Nao answered this in kind. During their final sex scene there was not a dry eye around me.

Yuuki delivered the cutest Clear but also showed how mature Clear could be when speaking to his brothers or Toue. Despite not having much to work with as Toue not having an official actor to play off, Yuuki screamed, shouted, and showed us the human heart that Clear has. His kindness, his love, and his maturity.

Like I said above Nao's adlibs during Clear’s various dressing scenes were also very amusing, and it contrasted well with the heartbreaking moments in Clear’s Route.

5/6 - Vitri's route

So, where to begin. I do want to say, in my very personal opinion, this route would have been very different either Seiichan and I don't know that he would have been comfortable with going as far as Nao did for parts. This is purely speculation and is not meant to demean Seiichan as an actor. It is a hard thing to do and we are not owed him feeling comfortable with it.

Sections that are covered in this route are:

- Beginning of Ren's route

- Aoba abduction

- Introduction of Aoba in Vitri's house

- Shower scene

- How Vitri became fans of Aoba

- Picking a hand

- Virus' room

- The box

- Trip's room

- Being taken from the box and back to Virus' room

- Vitri past

- Vitri and Aoba scene

- Ending with Aoba's situation after half a year with them

We did also get to see them talking to Mizuki about Dry Juice and Morphine but I cannot remember where this slotted in.

Whereas other routes had 2-3 min sex scenes, Vitri route had 3 seperate scenes, not including force feeding, all about 2-3 mins.

It was weirdly moving(?) to watch? Nao's acting was just phenomenal and was incredible to see three completely different sides to Aoba. Modern Aoba, past Aoba, and Vitri route Aoba, within a short span of time and acted so differently.

Also, Nao's dancing without a shirt on to Masculine Devil is something that has to be witnessed.

I love how before the curtain call for every show Nao was smiling ear to ear in every route as he looked at the character Aoba had fallen for, but in Vitri, he removed all expression from his face and just looked empty.

There was a lot of hilarity about the fact that when the dancing starts Aoba is just lying on the ground as everyone claps their hands and waves their ringlights.

Overall

If you are thinking of which one to buy, this is my ranking of the ones I've seen:

- Vitri (mainly for Nao's acting) 9/10

- Clear 8.5/10

- Noiz 7/10

- Ren 6.5/10

This show was a fantastic Rerun that showcased many actors improvements from the years they've been away and an amazing performance from a new Aoba.

I can only hope that we get another stage soon and get to see more of these actors and characters.

Let me know if you have any questions or what me to expand on anything!

[mysticalsoot]

this is reality

sort of sbi au and autistic!wilbur centric fic

A/N; this took me like four days and it was simply bc I wanted to write autistic will stimming. like the whole concept was the last scene, I just got carried away with james and wilbur bestie moments

Summary; Wilbur Soot also known as Wil Gold is the lead of an up-and-coming indie rock band named Lovejoy. They've only released two EPs in 2021 and are preparing to release their next single Call Me What You Like, but Wilbur is concerned his contribution to the song is what will be their downfall.

OR; Wilbur is autistic, insecure, and anxious so he's surprised when the UK charts are released that maybe he makes good art that people love

TW; anxiety, panic, swearing and I think that's it

Characters; Wilbur, James, Ash, Tommy

Words; 5.4k

dedicated to; @loverboy-soot bc i sent him sneak peeks constantly and I have been meaning to finish and post this every day I've written on it

masterlist

my ao3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wilbur had always dreamed of having his own band, people who loved music just as he did and put as much passion and care into the music they made.

He had that now. Joe, Mark, and Ash were the best friends and bandmates he could ask for. They were passionate and creative—they put their all into their art and their dedication was beginning to pay off. There was a manageable amount of non Dream SMP or MCYT Lovenjoyers, but they were getting recognized in mainstream media more often. They’d been on the radio a few times, and they’ve trended on youtube before and they appeared on at least two Spotify-curated playlists. They weren’t big but they were becoming less and less of a silly little indie band by the day.

And Wilbur knew their next single was their big break. It would jumpstart their career further into the industry, he just knew it. Or, well, he hoped it would. There was a gnawing at his brain and his heart that their new song wasn’t all that, that he was fooling himself by believing it was their best yet. The man couldn't get his hopes up, but he also couldn't really help himself in doing so. He loved it so much, he had poured his heart into the lyrics for years, the instrumentals and melodies for the past year—it was his baby. And Call Me What You Like was the song to make or break Lovejoy’s future.

It was a few days to premiering. Wilbur stood in his bedroom pacing back and forth, gnawing at the skin around his nails which nearly drew blood. He pulled his hands away when he began tasting copper.

He tried rocking back and forth on his feet, standing on his toes, lifting himself up and then dropping to stand on his heels. Back and forth, back and forth. Over and over.

That didn't help either.

He tried flapping his hands and pacing. Squeezing his eyes open and closed.

He did everything he could to ease the anxiety that ate him from the inside out.

He rubbed his eyes with the corner of his palms until stars shown in the black of his eyes and a stinging pain appeared with it.

He groans as he kicks the corner of his bed, hissing and reaching down to grab his foot when the pain shoots up from his stubbed toes to his brain where he registers the sensation.

A silent fuck is muttered under his breath.

"Jesus, fuck!" He yells into the void of his room and throws himself down into his desk chair. He quickly clicks on the discord icon. The usual starting pop-up appears and the wumpus logo spins on the window as it loads the program.

He selects the last dm he's opened and goes to type a message; to James.

WilburSoot 7:35 PM, Today

wanna come over?

The question was simple and open-ended and it didn't require an explanation from Wilbur as the reason was probably clear. But not entirely.

James started typing moments later, he wasn't even online when Wilbur initially messaged him, but the moment the message went through, James' name shown as online. He began typing shortly after.

James 7:37, Today

yea sure. you ok tho?

Wilbur hesitated over the keyboard, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he contemplated an answer.

WilburSoot 7:38, Today

oh yeah, I'm fine man. just missed ya.

He hoped he could easily pass James' bullshit detectors, at least until he saw him face to face. It was easier to fib through a screen rather than in person. He didn't have great control over his facial expressions, he was terrible at hiding anything he felt and sometimes he wasn't even sure what he felt so expressing that was difficult. It's easier to lie anyways.

Wilbur sat in silence, opting to chew on his cuticles again as he patiently waited for a response. James began typing just before stopping again, he'd start and then stop over and over. This went on for quite a few moments and Wilbur grew more and more anxious. He wasn't sure why—James had already given his answer but watching as those three dots appeared and disappeared became just one more creature that ate at the flesh inside him.

James 7:40, Today

alright, I'll be over in 10

Wilbur sighed in relief, his hands dropping to his lap and his head hitting the back of his chair as he leans on it. He runs his hands down his face and he lets out a sound close to a laugh but it's more like a strained huff of air.

He uses his hands to push on his desk, his chair rolling backward and he stands up in a rush, hissing at the creaking sound the chair makes as it spins behind him.

I need to fix that, he notes, before hastily grabbing his phone off his bed and shuffling out of his bedroom. His overhead light was already turned off due to the horrendous sound it made. It was like a static clicking, unlike most lights and it was beyond painful. Part of him was quite thankful it was his apartment. That way he could have whatever lights he wanted off, off, and whichever ones he wanted on, on. It was a wonderful thing.

He found himself walking over to his sofa and carefully sitting on the far left side, pulling his legs to rest underneath him. He quickly unlocked his phone and began scrolling tiktok as he awaited James’ arrival.

It was what felt like much less than ten minutes later when there came a knock on wilbur’s flat door and he hopped up. Wilbur shuffled over to the door, quietly but quickly turning the door knob before opening the door to let James in.

“How are you, Wil?” The question catches Wilbur off guard and James stands in front of Wilbur, hands in his jeans pockets and eyes trained up on Wilbur.

The man shrugs, walking away from his friend but gesturing for the other man to join him on the sofa. He finds his previous spot, legs still tucked under himself. James joins him on the other side, shuffling his shoes off his feet before bringing his own legs to rest under him.

“Okay, Wilbur. Why did you ask me over?” James crosses his arms, a stern glare trained on Wilbur and he tries to meet his friend's eyes but panics and diverts his gaze on the wall behind him.

“As I said, I missed you.” He speaks plainly, doing his best to give a soft smile but seemingly failing given the breathy chuckle James gives in response.

“Hmm, like I believe that. I’m not gonna push but I know something more is going on.” James is flat with his delivery, but sincere nonetheless. Wilbur is, surprisingly, able to read the concern stitched into the expression James wears, his eyes soft as he gazes at his friend.

A comfortable silence falls upon the two and Wilbur leans his head against the back of the sofa, his own arms crossing over his chest.

“Mario Kart?” Wilbur’s question breaks the silence and James scoots off his spot on the sofa and hurries over to the tv stand, turning on Wilbur’s old Wii console and slipping in the old Mario Kart cd.

After the TV boots up, James walks back over to sit next to Wil, throwing him a Wii remote steering wheel. “I’m going to beat your ass, William.” The use of Wilbur's legal name earns a laugh from the anxious man and his friend huffs.

“I’d like to see you try.” He smiles, what he thinks is a genuine smile and he clicks through the various introduction screens. He lets James choose his character first—Wario, as always—before he chooses his own, which is always Mario. He likes it simple and predictable, Mario is just that.

The two play a game on the coconut mall map, Wilbur ahead of James—but not for long before his friend catches up to him, knocking him off course and taking his spot in first.

Wilbur grunts at his friend, using various power up's to gather momentum in order to steal his spot back. His attempts return to fruition and he yells in triumph when he passes the finish line, coming in first.

"Fucking told you!" Wilbur laughs in giddy, shaking his hands in pure joy, his eyes closed tightly and a smile wide as can be—one he knows is genuine.

"Jeez man, why are you so good at this game?" James puts his controller on the coffee table, pulling his legs up onto the sofa and resting them in front of him.

"I'm just that good." Wilbur's snarky remark earns a scoff from his friend and he rests his hands behind his head in triumph.

"You need to work on that ego of yours."

"I do *not* have an ego!" Wilbur counters, dropping his arms to cross against his chest and he exaggeratingly huffs.

"Oh like anyone would believe that!" James laughs, a soft, considerate laugh despite the joke thrown at his friend.

"Wow, such little faith." Wilbur smiles and lets a silence fall on the two, the only sound heard is James readjusting his spot on the couch, and a few sighs let out occasionally before going to scroll Twitter on his phone.

Wilbur fiddles with his hands, looking over at James before going to stand and pace again, he tries to be subtle about it, avoiding the attention of his friend. He tries all of his common coping stims, handshakes, bouncing on his feet, rolling on his feet, tapping his fingers, etc. Doing anything he can to cope with the anxiety that was deciding to reappear again. He keeps his eyes on the carpet below him, spinning on his heels to walk the other way when he gets too close to the wall.

James watches Wilbur, eyeing him and his pacing. Wilbur doesnt notice the eyes on him, and James is thankful for that as he sifts his mind for any reason for Wilbur’s current panicked state. He knows something is up and wrong but he’s sure he won’t get an answer out of the man no matter how hard he tries. He would love to be able to guess Wilbur’s reasoning for his panic, but he isn’t telepathic and he can barely understand his own reasoning, let alone another person’s reasoning. James hesitates, he opens his mouth to speak but shuts it closed a moment later. He averts his gaze back down to the phone in hand, mindlessly going through whatever fiery chaos that was his timeline.

He tries his best to keep his gaze off Wilbur, and it worked for the most part but it eventually got to the point his worry outweighed his desire to stay unnoticed. James watched as his friend continued pacing, tapping his fingers or shaking his hands. Wilbur was nervous but James couldn't pinpoint why.

He makes an attempt, "Wil, are you alright?"

Wilbur's head shoots up and his eyes dart to James focused on his forehead but giving the impression he's making eye contact. He's not.

Wilbur hesitates, going to say something when the words lodge themselves in his throat. He nods.

James goes to stand, walking to where Wilbur is frozen in place. He rests his hands on his friend's shoulders. "You can tell me, I know you're not."

"I'm- I'm fine." Wilbur manages to stutter out, wiggling his fingers in another attempt at calming himself. It doesn't work either.

James looks at him with a stern glare, not one of any malice but one of intense care for the other. 

"Wilbur." He warns, unwavering in his attempts at calming the other.

Wilbur shakes his head, eyes focused on the fibers of his carpet, and he's glad it's soft.

"I said I'm fine, James. Okay?" His tone is sharp, and he knows how mean it sounds but he doesn't mean it that way and James knows that.

James keeps his gaze on his friend, squeezing his shoulders in reassurance and Wilbur attempts to meet his gaze. 

It's a few moments before Wilbur cracks, the realization that James isn't letting this go—that James cares—seeps into his mind and he lets down his wall.

"I'm anxious, very anxious. Scared even, I think." Wilbur's voice is small, and it's shaky. "I'm scared that the song isn't as good as we think, that it'll ruin our careers or that it just won't land right, and that all our hard work will be for nothing because I ruined it all."

"Woah, woah, woah. Where is all this coming from? You have the fanbase you do, because you're talented, because Lovejoy is talented. The song is amazing, you've heard it from everyone and their mothers and you wouldn't if it wasn't true." James pauses, taking a moment to think of what he should say next, his hands still resting on Wilbur's shoulders to keep his friend's attention. "It is going to put Lovejoy on the map. I know it."

Wilbur shakes his head, eyes focused downwards. "But it could be what lights us in flames too."

James laughs, a lighthearted and bright laugh, "You really think that?" Wilbur nods. "Man, you are so wrong."

Wilbur looks up, head tilted and eyebrows knitted in confusion. Big brown eyes wide with fear.

"You're seriously the most talented person out there, anything you make either on your own or with people will be and is amazing. Don't undersell yourself, Wil." James lets his hands fall from his friend's shoulders and he holds his arms open, inviting Wilbur for a hug. "Hug?"

Wilbur nods and takes up his offer, wrapping his arms around the slightly shorter man and resting his forehead on his shoulder. "Thank you," Wilbur mutters, the fabric of James' jacket muffling the sound.

"It's what friends are for." James pulls away and so does Wilbur. "Wanna watch a movie to get your mind off of it?"

Wilbur smiles softly, nodding, "That sounds great. Popcorn?" James nods and Wilbur swiftly leaves the sitting room to head into the kitchen moments later.

"What d'ya want to watch?" James calls from the TV, voice echoing through the walls.

"Anything but Marvel."

"Aw man, I was gonna put on the new ant man movie!" James laughs, and Wilbur does too, readjusting his attention to the popcorn he threw in the microwave. 

"Very funny, James!" Wilbur calls back, chuckling to himself as the microwave beeps. He takes the package of popped popcorn and hisses when he burns his fingers, shaking them in the air and blowing on them as if it would help the pain. He rushes to pull open the paper bag when doing so he pours out the contents into a turquoise bowl, his favorite but James doesn't need to know that.

He takes the bowl into the living room after discarding the popcorn bag into the trash. He holds up the bowl, greeting James.

"I grabbed your weighted blanket, by the way, hope that's okay." James gives a soft but nervous smile to Wilbur and he smiles wide in return, nodding enthusiastically.

"Thank you," He mumbles in response, his smile warm and thankful.

James widens his own smile in return, "I was afraid it wouldn't be, it's over on your spot." He points over to the far left side of the sofa—it may be Wilbur's sofa but he has a tendency to lean more towards sitting on the far left side. It's just a habit, and he's grown to dislike breaking it. 

He walks over to his spot, sitting down just as he did before with his legs tucked under him. He still holds the popcorn bowl and he hands it over to James when said friend finds his spot next to him.

"We could watch Hamilton," Wilbur suggests, head turning to look towards James. He makes eye contact briefly but feels that same uncomfortable panic and averts his gaze again.

"Really, Wilbur?" James' tone is playful, and you can see through his eyes that he's seriously considering it, and the pout Wilbur puts on only makes his case clearer. "Okay, Hamilton it is." James then throws the remote to Wilbur and he catches it immediately. There's a soft, warm smile graced upon James' lips and he crosses his arms over his chest in contentment.

It's a few moments before Wilbur finds Hamilton on Disney+ and selects play, but the moment it begins, his eyes are glued to the screen. He barely touches the popcorn he made as he feels the anxiety drain from him and his body finally feels relaxed. Maybe it's his weighted blanket or his comfort media that helped, but he considers it and believes that maybe it was James. His words and his presence helped calm Wilbur.

It's silent between the two for the next three hours, Wilbur's attention barely staying from the musical playing before him. James notices the silent happy stims Wilbur begins to do, small, soft handshakes or rocking side to side. His smile is wide and James is happy, he's happy he was the one to help and he is beyond glad he was the one Wilbur reached out to.

He knows why Wilbur was upset, why he was anxious and pacing his flat. The anxious thoughts got to his friend, dug into him deep, and began tearing him apart one by one. Something about Wilbur thinking of going to James first for something so stressful and serious—even if he avoided speaking about it at first—was reassuring, or calming to know. He's important to Wilbur just as much as Wilbur is to James. 

Everyone deserves a James, and everyone deserves a Wilbur.

Someone who knows you'll be there for them, someone who will find what would make you most comfortable and help you, who will sit with you in silence and simply be in your presence and enjoy it.

This was nice, this was good. And James was happy.

There was a moment of contemplation after the musical had ended on whether James should leave or not. Part of him wanted to stay so he could be sure Wilbur's anxiety wouldn't kick back up and eat him alive, but the other part of him knew he had to get back to Aria and Otto. He loved Wilbur, he was his best friend, but he also knew Wilbur may not handle him staying the night, and he was okay with that.

"I think I'm gonna head home for the night. You'll be okay?" James began to get up off the sofa, throwing on his jacket that he discarded on the chair, his gaze locked on Wilbur. He had his legs pulled up against his chest and his eyes were locked on the floor.

He nods, "Yeah, I'll be fine..You go home." His tone was flat, and it made James unsure in his decision. He bit the inside of his cheek as he paused, standing frozen as he gazes down at his friend who seemed to fall back into the pit of panic.

"Are you sure?" James is keen on being fully sure it's okay to leave Wilbur alone.

Wilbur looks up and gives a soft—masked—smile, "Yeah, of course...Go home to your family."

James rolls his eyes and laughs, "Otto is a cat."

"He's still family, isn't he?" Wilbur inquires, his tone light and playful now.

James groans and smiles, and then turns to leave for the door. "I'm a text or call away, remember that." And then he heads out the door, softly closing it behind him and then he's out of Wilbur's sight and earshot.

Wilbur shakes his head and rests his head against his knees, doing his best to calm his breathing. He decides to put Hamilton back on, maybe it'll help again.

And so he spends the rest of the night like this, head rested on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs, and the comfort of Hamilton playing in the background. Eventually, he sleeps.

                                                     —★—

It's days later and mere hours to the release of Call Me What You Like. He's sniffly and truly feels like shit with his head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton and his body being dredged in slime.

It's a horrible gross feeling and he really wishes he didn't go talk to fans after their gig this past Saturday. It's by no means their fault, he just has the worst and weakest immune system known to man—and he knows it.

He was pacing again, the skin around his nails raw and bleeding. He didn't have enough self-restraint so his coping mechanisms today were more self-destructive than usual or than they should be.

The rest of the band had been talking in the group chat all day and he had ignored every message, their positive outlook only made things worse. It really should be what makes it better but their hope for everything to go well and their seeming knowledge of it doing so, dragged him down and only fed the negative thoughts. 

It would only crash and burn because of him, not because of the others, so it made since they had a positive outlook. If it burned it wouldn't be their fault by any means.

His pacing only got worse, and he started to pull at his hair. It was an hour to midnight, hes been avoiding Twitter or any other social platform that would tell him what people thought all day. The Australian fans had already listened to it since it's realized at midnight on your local time—but he was too scared to see what they had to say. So he had all of his devices turned off or facing down. 

He didn't want to know, he was too scared to know.

He eventually tired himself out and ended up laying on the floor, blood still flowing with panic. His phone went off at exactly midnight and he waited a few minutes before opening his phone, only to be flooded with oceans of messages from his friends and fans. His friends asked if he was okay, and they seemed worried and concerned—they already heard the song so they didn't have much to congratulate him on. The messages, indirects, and mentions online from his fans were all messages of care and congratulations. Expressing their love for the new song and the new sound—they seemed to believe it was a masterpiece. Some people even used that word.

The flow of words upon his screen took him aback. He wasn't sure how to process all of the positive messages, and he was sure this was a dream. I mean, it had to be. How could so many people love the song so much, so soon? 

Maybe it was because the words he was seeing were from his already existing fanbase—the people who are devoted to Lovejoy and wouldn't switch their opinion over one song. It wasn't a sound comparison is what his brain told him. So surely, in the next few days, it'll crash and burn.

He didn't have much longer to sink into his anxious thoughts, as Ash was quick to call him. Wilbur hesitated before picking up and bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey," His voice cracked from the lack of use and he dug his hand into the carpet, grabbing at the fibers.

"Well, hello, Wilbur." Ash's voice was joyful, and bright, a very large contrast to how Wilbur felt or sounded. "Have you seen what people are saying? They love it!!" He's so quick to enthusiasm, his voice pitching up towards the end and he lets out a joyful laugh.

Wilbur smiles softly at his friend's reaction, but is still hesitant to believe it to be the truth, "Yeah, yeah I saw some of that." He pauses, breath catching in his throat as he mulls over his next action. "Are they lying, though? I mean they're the ones that have been here ages—they could actually hate it and just say they like it." Wilbur's voice is low and quiet, only audible to the man on the other end of the line.

Ash sighs and lets out a breathy chuckle, "It's the internet, Wil. They'd be brutally honest if it was bad." 

Wilbur shakes his head, "But they're our fans, they could lie to save our feelings." 

"Dude, you're one of my closest friends and I would hate to hurt your feelings—but you sound like an idiot right now." Wilbur can hear Ash's smile through his words, it's playful in the way he says it.

"I'm sure I do—" He cuts himself off, running his free hand through his hair in a stressed motion. He's at a loss for words, he doesn't know what to say anymore, so he just falls from where he stands, sitting with his legs forward on the floor. 

"They love it, Wilbur. And you're part of the reason why." Ash is genuine in the way he reassures Wilbur, he means it just as much as he believes it himself.

Wilbur shrugs, and he feels the anxiety gnawing at his insides again. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"I'm sorry." 

"What the hell are you apologizing for?" Ash sounds almost offended at Wilbur's words like he just insulted Ash's firstborn child.

"For being a bother? Or for possibly ruining our career." His voice has gone small again, almost mirroring his attempt at curling in on himself, making him seem smaller.

"You're never a bother—and if anything you're the reason we're even here in the first place. Give yourself some more goddamn credit." Ash isn't harsh with his delivery, but stern. And caring—he means well.

"Sorry again," Wilbur replies sheepishly, regretting opening up about his doubts in the first place. He really feels like a burden now, and it's far from Ash's fault.

"Do I need to ban that word?" Ash laughs, and Wilbur can hear the smile through his words and he smiles back.

"No, no, I won't say it anymore. Promise." Wilbur reassures, his smile is unwavering but still small and soft.

"By the way, I was calling to ask if you wanted to come over to mine tomorrow? Joe and Mark are gonna be there too. We're celebrating Call Me What You Like, we tried texting you—" Ash begins but Wilbur is quick to cut him off.

"I'd love to, I'm sorry about ignoring my phone—it was just too hard." Wilbur nervously admits, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yeah, no, I understand. Don't worry, dude. See you at 11?" Wilbur nods and then shortly replies verbally when he realizes Ash can't see him.

The embarrassment bubbles up in his throat but he pushes it down and hurriedly says his goodbyes to Ash. When they've bid their farewells and he's hung up the phone, he heads to his room—deciding sleep is the next thing he should do. He needs much more of it than he's been getting, especially in his ill state. He's not contagious but he notes it as a valid excuse in case he chickens out the next day before he goes over to see his bandmates.

He's more afraid of bringing them down than seeing them. He'd hate to be the reason they feel bad about the song.

                                                                    —★—

It's been a week since their new single was released, they've been on the radio even more than before, they've announced and sold out an entire tour and the love they've received on it has been absolutely mind-boggling. Wilbur's anxieties over it have practically dissipated entirely, besides the nagging thoughts in the back of his mind about the album—but it's far too early to worry about that. Right now, Wilbur was alone in his flat yet again, patiently waiting for the UK Top 40 charts to release. A few hours prior he posted a video asking everyone to stream CMWYL in hopes they can get a spot on the charts—it'll help get them noticed by important music executives but also reassure him that it's actually good, they wouldn't stream it if it wasn't, right? He didn't mention or consciously realize the second reason, but it was all the same in how prominent of a thought it was.

A few minutes from now and he'll find out statistically how much of a success CMWYL is. Sitting at his desk and refreshing the chart's website is probably not the best option for his anxiety—but he still does it nonetheless. He patiently sits there as he awaits the release of the UK charts. I mean he has nothing better to do at the moment, he's off and he's enjoying his free time just the way he wants.

He's nervously tapping his fingers on his free hand while his knees bounce in the usual gnawing anxiety that he holds. He keeps refreshing the page as he waits for that one moment of truth.

His eyes burn from staring at the screen so long, especially without blinking, and he contemplates taking a break for a moment but then reminds himself why he's doing this in the first place.

After a few more refreshes and the charts are released, he scrolls down the list of songs and artists. He's beginning to get disappointed when he gets into the 20s, but he's soon surprised when he gets to the #32 spot.

Call Me What You Like by Lovejoy is #32 on the UK Charts.

He practically leaps up out of his desk chair when he realizes what he's read. He can't quite tell if the wetness on his cheek is tears of joy or from his eyes watering from yawning and holding his eyes open for hours on end. But he doesn't care, his silly little band has made it. Or, well, it's starting to make it. It's just the first step to becoming known and loved, they can finally get their art out into mainstream media, with new people. They can share their passion with more people.

He's ecstatic, flapping his hands and bouncing around his bedroom floor. It's finally happened. Lovejoy is going to be the indie rock band. And he helped.

Oh my god, he helped!

He goes to rock on his feet as he thinks about what he should do next—obviously, he needs to tweet to thank everyone—should he call his brother? Or maybe his dad, or mum even. He isn't sure where to start first but he seems to go into autopilot as he makes the tweet, taking a photo of him pointing at the computer screen and then another of him flipping out, a blurred and chaotic photo if we're entirely honest. He then texts the LVJY text chat, telling them and showing them photos of it and sending links with it as proof.

And then he calls Tommy, the call is immediately picked up on the other end, a gruff and very Tommy-like hello being muttered on the other end.

"Toms! We're #32 on the charts!" Wilbur exclaims all in one breath, smiling so wide his face hurts and he's giggling from joy. He still bounces on his feet but his hand flapping has died down a little. He spins and jumps around and hopes to God his downstairs neighbors aren't home to be upset at him.

"Really?? Dude, I'm so proud of you!" Tommy replies, and Wilbur is taken aback by how out of character that is—but he takes it, he takes it and he runs with it. His little brother is proud of him.

"Yeah! Yeah! We're finally on the charts man!" His voice is so bright and excited and Tommy laughs at the excitement his big brother exudes.

“You wanna go out and celebrate tomorrow?” Tommy poses the suggestion, voice poking up at the end.

Wilbur quickly nods, “Yeah, of course! Sorry for calling so late by the way--I had to tell someone.” He lets out a small laugh at his own words.

“Glad it was me, big bro.” Tommy’s response and nickname for Wilbur aren't unusual but he can't help from wanting to pick on the younger boy but decides against it.

“Thank you, Toms. I’m gonna head to bed, see you tomorrow?” Wilbur shuffles over to sit on the edge of his bed. 

“Yeah, I’ll text you the plans! Sleep well, bitch.” Tommy lets out an airy laugh and Wilbur mirrors it in response to Tommy being so Tommy.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Love you.”

They bid their final farewells and Wilbur gets up and puts his phone on charge, and then slips into bed.

They’ve finally made it, and it was because of him and his talent. Turns out that anxious thoughts aren't that reliable.

[notasapleasure]

Oh I realized I forgot to ask about Jerott/Marthe plans (I think I’ve seen what you’ve written but I’d love to hear abt the other ideas too!) and “AU of an AU” bc I wanna know how the townhouse stay goes!

I'll answer Au of an au separately :')

Ik I must have mentioned this a million times, but it always bears repeating :') the whole ethos of band AU Jerott/Marthe is summarised by the song Precious Things by Tori Amos:

So I ran faster But it caught me here Yes, my loyalties turned Like my ankle In the seventh grade Running after Billy Running after the rain

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

He said "you're really an ugly girl But I like the way you play" And I died, but I thanked him Can you believe that? Sick, sick, holding on to his picture Dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces Of those beautiful boys Those Christian boys So, you can make me cum That doesn't make you Jesus

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

I remember, yes In my peach party dress No one dared No one cared to tell me Where the pretty girls are Those demigods With their nine-inch nails And little fascist panties Tucked inside the heart Of every nice girl

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them bleed, now Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them break Their hold on me

--

I also actually made a band AU playlist for them ages and ages ago, but some of those songs have since been repurposed to other characters' playlists and I think I'd rework it quite heavily now. Still, gives an idea of the vibes.

More answer and fic below the cut

Marthe gets saddled with minding Jerott while he finishes up his stint in rehab (Anemone on Ao3). She doesn't let on what she knows of where Francis has gone - nor who he's gone with - and Jerott's probably surprisingly tolerable while he's sober and chastened after all the drama of the road trip etc. They get to jamming together and do a few shows for pocket money, and probably bond over some obscure artists and songs they didn't think anyone else knew about/thought were cool in that day and age (mutual love of Nature Boy ftw haha yes I am aware of what I did there: 'the greatest thing you'll ever learn / is just to love / and be loved / in return').

Marthe, cynical about her chances of a solo career in the wake of Kiaya's departure, sees in Jerott a competant musician who she might bend to play her kind of music, to allow her to kind of ride on-his-coattails into the charts/European market (grudgingly admitting the need for a Man in the music industry, thanks for the 'lesson', Kiaya), from where she might find her own niche. They do have chemistry on stage at this point, playing covers together and challenging each other to play better than the other. I think that leads her to a moment of vulnerability where she makes a last gasp effort to convince herself she's bi, when it's really just that competence is a draw no matter who they are. But Jerott's still sober and he's so excited she's willing to tolerate him (oh thank god!! I was attracted to her and not Francis after all!!) that he's well behaved and keeps his mouth shut when told to (see excerpt below). He is also, as we have discussed, A Good Sex Haver, or at least is very much the kind of guy who gets off on giving good head (it's MY au and I'll do what I want to make elements of their marriage less grim ok??), so even if Marthe's not keen on piv she can live with the situation.

The marriage is something they both claim to go into with eyes wide open - knowing it suits her to have access to European residency (I am not looking up citizenship law for this ask, but Jerott probably has dual French/British if that's possible at the time) and knowing that he's obsessed with her(/Francis) while she's kind of indifferent/tolerating him. But of course he believes she'll come to love him anyway, and he believes he doesn't love Francis, and she believes he'll stay sober and meek and won't mind being teased about Francis when it's obvious that's who he'd rather be with.

They do some touring and it starts well - Fleetwood Mac energy, bouncing from love to hate depending on the kind of day they've had. They get a pretty good record contract, but they absolutely blow the recording of it. They have to *live* together for the first time, not on tour, but in a place near the studio, confined and at each other's throats. He starts drinking again. She won't compromise musically. It's a total flop - the lyrics are called outdated and garbled, the music is overproduced, stifled and jars from one track to the next. They play a few live shows where some of the tracks come into their own a bit, but the reviews put such a strain on them they pull their tour and fuck off to Europe, like living together in Jerott's ancestral homelands and sorting through Marthe's grandma's junk is somehow going to improve things.

So that's when things start to come apart, even though they're ostensibly working on a second record together they're not touring and they're working from a home studio, so their world is quite limited and Marthe branches out and finds French friends while Jerott obsessively follows the music news and write great long epistles to Francis.

In terms of the fic I mentioned, the idea was trying to write the highs (well, moderate peaks) and lows of their relationship through sex. I never got very far with the first one (below) but the idea was that 1) leaves Marthe mildly impressed, 2) a bit uncertain of how this might evolve, but still happy enough, 3) he says 'Francis' when he comes, but he's sober and just very tired so she elects to ignore it for now, 4) starting to get bored with this, the tour is tiiiring, 5) studio life doesn't suit them, he's not sober, and when he says 'Francis' this time she's absolutely calling him on it.

I did still intend to write a version of this fic set between the Baron Morgan/Aga Morat stuff and Checkmate, but I only wrote one scene between them, which you've read :)

Others haven't though! So I'll post it beneath the excerpt from the unfinished bit. It makes reference to her suspicion that it's only a matter of time before he calls her 'Francis' and alludes to a less-than-happy occasion on which GRM pulled his hair, not like he's ready to talk about that with Marthe...uh...ever? I imagined it set sometime during their tour, before they get bogged down trying to record their album. It's more them, I think - Marthe eternally shadowed by a kind of self-loathing and resentment of Jerott that's never going to go away.

--

Draft 1

She's pleasantly surprised pre-wedding

No, that won't work, but keep doing it if you have to

He says 'Francis' when he shouldn't

So you can make me come it doesn't make you Jesus

She calls him out on saying Francis, he clearly had no idea he'd said it

1.

By the end of the encore, laughing and waving into what seemed a physical wall of noise, Jerott knew he had never been happier in his life. The crowd wasn't the biggest he had played to, the set had been rough and ready, but there was a spark on that stage that even Marthe could no longer deny. She stepped up to stand by his side and raise her own arms, and she smiled across at Jerott: a small, wry little thing, but a smile that contained genuine pride.

In the motel corridor, Jerott stopped at her shoulder, each of them facing opposite directions. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, her long, white neck held tall and straight, her smile something that even now she fought, but that made her cornflower blue eyes sparkle.

"That was pretty good, right?" He offered his most bashful, winning grin in return, lowering his chin and gaze.

Marthe snorted. "Yeah," she admitted though. "Yeah it was. You can play, I'll give you that."

He raised his brows and tried not to laugh or blush - he knew he could play, he'd never needed to hear it from her. But she was looking at him still, in a strange and calculating manner that made him feel weighted to the spot. Her eyes narrowed, sweat-smudged kohl hemming in their vibrant colour, and she bit her lip.

He didn't notice her hand move until it began to slide around his, neat and warm, her fingers following the sensitive contours of his palm.

Jerott sucked in a breath and his hand tightened reflexively on hers. At the pressure, Marthe's expression flickered, the corners of her mouth moving with something tight and resigned and her nostrils flaring. But she didn't try to withdraw.

She said nothing, and he saw blooms of colour, like peonies, cover the pale skin of her chest and throat. Her pulse flickered in the pronounced v of tendons between her collarbones and Jerott ached to press his mouth to it and feel her life, separate and strange beneath his lips.

Marthe tugged his hand until he took a step sideways, and the lengths of their arms were aligned: his bare brown skin against her rumpled shirt and white skin, long black hairs mingling with the fine blonde ones covering her forearm. Her face was only inches from his. It was smooth as polished marble, distinguished here and there by traces of the complexities of her existence: fine echoes of all her frowns and smiles in the lines that could not be seen when he stood back. And he had never known her eyes so wide, her mouth part with such softness.

Jerott felt his heart jolt at the expression on her face. He had imagined it so many times, in so many places, and it could never have compared to the way she looked now: sultry and confident, gently, wryly amused, and - finally - interested in what she saw in return?

"You think I can play?" He murmured, leaning into her gravity, his smile smooth and his eyes steady.

She grinned, but it made the hairs on his arms stand on end: a sense of danger gathering. "Don't," Marthe said, her voice crisp and firm.

He raised his eyebrows and broadened his sweetest smile. With an unsteady breath he lowered his face still closer to hers.

Marthe snorted, blue fire dancing in her eyes, the dimples in her cheeks sinking deeper. "I said don't!" She repeated, but her grin crept into her voice. "Don't pull that smooth shit with me, you got your compliment."

Jerott laughed silently and looked down, his eyes hovering on her lips as he contemplated saying another foolish thing.

She must have seen the idiocy on the tip of his tongue and pre-empted it: "Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up," she raked the last syllable over her vocal chords, drawling , chuckling, edging nearer herself until her nose brushed against his. Her mascara-coated lashes lowered until the last moment.

Jerott met her eyes as their lips touched: blue like an open sky, blue like denim and fresh water. Her mouth was soft and hot, closed over his own parched mouth as she tested the feel of him, her open eyes seeking out the response she elicited.

He tried to hold her stare, but her lips moved against his, her teeth met his lower lip with gentle, teasing pressure, and he gasped and his eyes fell shut. His free hand came up to her shoulder, which was warm beneath the shirt she had shrugged on over her sweat-dark tank top, the perfect fit against his palm.

--

Draft 2

He'd proven himself, to Marthe's great surprise, an enthusiastic and generous lover. No inheritor to Gaultier's bored, unimaginative humping was Jerott Blyth; he'd go down on her at the drop of a hat, and he'd do it well; backstage, back alleys, motel rooms - wherever he could get his hands on her while they were both still buzzing with the adrenaline of the set they'd played.

Marthe wasn't sure if it made it easier or harder when he was above her in a motel bed then, taking what he assumed would be given freely in exchange for his own efforts. She did try, for the first few times, to work out if she might like it when it was a handsome young man between her legs instead of her dry, detached professor. But though she entertained the idea of being someone, something else, it wasn't long before she knew it just wasn't for her - neither in the sense of something given, nor in the sense of appealing to her tastes.

But he wasn't Gaultier, she wasn't his pet, and he could play. Their sets were electric, furious, wild in a way Marthe had never had the freedom to be publicly before. And afterwards he wanted to - and could - make her cum like no one she'd met since the girlfriend she'd had back in halls, and after that she was able to simply lie there and wait for him to finish without even feeling much of anything.

Gaultier had developed a habit of working on his compositions while he fucked her - eyes closed, mentally picturing the stave as he hummed and muttered notes to himself. Jerott, on the other hand, was gentleman enough to admire her with his eyes, his hands, his tongue. To never forget a condom the way Gaulter had from time to time – because he could, too. Above all, he was very eager to tell her she was beautiful.

Marthe didn't need to be told that. But it was better than being used as a dissociative tool for someone's artistic process.

It seemed kinder, then, to maintain an air of curiosity, of interest. In order to do so, she made a bet with herself - with the money she was earning from this tour, she'd buy herself a new guitar if he slipped and called her Francis while deep in the throes. If he didn't, she'd do something sensible with the money. Put it in savings or something.

Maybe she was thinking of the guitar when, one night in Seattle, she sat up to take the foil packet from his hands and open it herself. He looked at her searchingly, dark eyes she found difficult to read scanning her expression for ulterior motives.

Marthe tossed the loose tendrils of her tied-back hair over her shoulder and tore the packet open with her teeth, aware of the weight of his stare, aware of his breath coming more heavily.

She rolled the condom on, thinking abstractedly of community sex ed workshops on the college lawn. For good measure, she gave his cock a couple of firm strokes, and he gasped, his brows raising.

Ok, that's plenty, Marthe sat back with an expression she imagined was closer to being a seductive smile than a grimace. She didn't want him to think she was going to do...that, every time.

Perhaps she was overthinking things, overestimating what he'd notice and what he'd expect. Jerott wasn't that complicated, after all - he reached for her and kissed her like there was only one thought on his mind, and Marthe let herself be brought close, kissed him back with the same sloppy urgency.

Then, impulsively, she moved closer still, lifting one leg and shifting to straddle him where he sat on the edge of the bed - he made a sound in the kiss that Marthe took to be surprise and pleasure, and she ground her hips against him, her body still wet from his tongue, from her own orgasm, slick against the rubber he wore.

Jerott moaned and Marthe gritted her teeth. She pushed him back to the mattress and lowered herself onto him, her eyes closed, her mind on the wares for sale at Eve's Garden. She had him half on the bed and half off, his lower legs dangling over the side, unable to brace himself easily against the floor - it gave her near total control of the rhythm, and she batted him back down again if he tried to sit up.

He didn't take much convincing, though he remained propped on his elbows for a time, gawping up at her. She could sense him watching, and cracked open her eyes to wince at his expression of ragged, lascivious desire - mouth loose and open, eyelids heavy, gaze blank. Marthe screwed her eyes shut again and sank herself as low as she could, upping the pace of her rolling hips.

Jerott at last admitted defeat, lay back and made a strangled sound of ecstasy, holding onto her thighs just above each knee with bruising strength in his hands.

She'd never done this with Gaultier - he didn't believe in a woman being on top, and besides, if she'd broken his hip or something, he wouldn't have hesitated to claim the medical bills on her insurance.

But there was, she found, far more pleasure to be had this way. There were no hot, grasping fingers or lips on her breasts, there was no sandpapery, rough cheek rubbing on the skin of her neck. She could keep her eyes closed and imagine herself wherever she needed to be to get off.

She began to believe that she might do so here, as well. She wielded her body with less deliberation, working herself to a sweat as she bucked her hips, her hands resting on the tops of her thighs, feeling her breasts swing heavily, the small, natural garland of fat on her belly and her flanks jogging with her movements. The bed and mattress shrieked and rattled beneath her, the sound like a crowd going wild for an encore.

Jerott let out a cry and Marthe was almost embarrassed to hear herself answer it, feeling fire crawl its way up inside her, flickering and crackling like a broken bulb at the edge of her vision.

Fearful he wouldn't last as long as she needed, she let herself lean forwards, one hand a fist, bracing herself against his chest, the other taking hold of a bunch of his black hair for good measure, fingers tangling against his sweaty scalp. She adjusted the angle of her hips accordingly and bit her lower lip, trying to keep her momentum going.

Beneath her, Jerott's body flinched.

"Fuck...!" he groaned. He gripped the wrist of the hand that was knotted in his hair but found that tugging it only tightened Marthe's hold. His other hand flailed for the bed clothes, grabbing at the sheets and relieving the pressure on Marthe's thigh so she could really move how she wanted to.

He didn't complain about her grip. On the contrary, his eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed with concentration. "Oh, god..." he said hoarsely as his head rolled on the covers.

It was never quite enough though - she didn't get further than eternally close before his body bucked beneath hers with a grunt. The way he craned his neck and turned his head against the mattress pulled her forward, jerked by the hand tangled in his hair, and her own concentration was lost as he came.

"Shit," Marthe barked breathlessly.

She tugged her hand free, noting that Jerott's hold was now on her hips, his thumbs softly caressing her skin, encouraging her own gentle rocking motion to continue as he finished, wringing every last drop of satisfaction out.

Marthe swept his hands away, rolled off him without preamble and sat beside his prone form with a sour taste rising to her tongue. Disappointment - she knew the flavour well. Stupid, to let herself get involved like that, to try and take something for herself. That wasn't what this was about.

It was about her career. Wasn't it always?

Marthe sighed and massaged her brow. Her grandmother would want to know when she was moving to Europe, when she was going to find a market she could really sell to. When she was going to make something of herself - or, failing that, make Francis Crawford make something of her. Whatever they really were to each other.

Her grandmother would have a great many questions when the tour finally came to an end in New York, but one thing Marthe's grandmother would be certain of was that the man currently lying next to her was second-best - and Marthe's grandmother would therefore judge him perfectly adequate to his task.

Jerott lay still for a moment beside her and then raised a hand and rubbed at the top of his sternum, at his throat like he had a pain there. He let out a cough and frowned at the ceiling, then sat up and slipped away to the ensuite.

Usually, when they were in the motel room, he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her afterwards, to pin her close in his hold - where Marthe felt like a small bird gripped in a fist. He'd fall asleep and she'd lie there, smelling his tobacco, his whiskey, waiting until he was heavy and snoring and she could squirm free to lie comfortably on the other side of the bed.

Tonight though, he lingered in the bathroom, and Marthe felt chilled and exposed as she realised that, for once, she would quite like to have been held in his warm arms. It might have made her feel a little less silly about the whole relationship, just to follow through with the act a bit longer today. But he didn't seem in any hurry to come back to her. She lay naked on the rumpled bedsheets while he ran faucets and clattered about with mouthwash and water glasses.

Her head propped on one hand, the remote lying in front of her, Marthe glared at the tiny TV screen in the corner of the room and stabbed buttons on the remote with one-fingered vindictiveness. That was it, she'd decided. Penetrative sex had to be the worst joke ever told to womankind. She wouldn't bother getting her hopes up again about it.

Click.

Porcupines fucking on a nature documentary. Marthe accepted the funny side of it, and snorted.

Click.

Some lowest common denominator sitcom where the overworked woman was chewing out her lazy husband.

Click.

Teleshopping.

Click.

Pizza ad. Her stomach growled. Maybe she was being unfair. Maybe she was just hungry - she hadn't eaten since before soundcheck.

Click.

A familiar shade of rose pink caught her eye as the channels flickered, and she stopped her assault on the remote to frown at the screen.

"With revelations emerging about Rajneeshpuram daily, it's looking more and more like Graham Reid Malett's activities were standard across all the cult's sites."

It was a report into illegal activities at the main ashram in Oregon, but showed footage of the man who had styled himself Geetesh in custody and on trial for crimes committed at his own Nevada ashram. Marthe watched with a kind of fascinated disgust as the portentous voiceover barely scraped the surface of Reid Malett's wrong-doings.

"Fraud, invasion of privacy, coercion, and he presided over violent and sexual workshops in which willing participants..."

As she watched, Jerott emerged from the ensuite. He handed her one of the two water glasses he'd filled and paused by the bed, staring at the TV with an appalled expression.

"What the fuck are you watching?" he asked.

Marthe shrugged the shoulder that was uppermost and nodded at the bedside table, indicating that Jerott could leave the water there.

"You don't wanna know how Swami Graham is doing?"

He'd moved round to his side of the bed and she saw his face the way it was lit up by the screen: repulsed, furious, maybe even a bit scared?

"No."

Marthe thought she noticed his fingers tremble a little as he put his own glass down. He ran them through his hair and then his eyes fell on the remote.

"Switch it off."

She saw him reach for it and - because he wanted it, because he spoke commandingly and she'd let him have enough already, and more, that night - she snatched it away. "I'm watching!"

"Well don't! What do you even want to know that you haven't already seen with your own two eyes?" He gestured furiously, pointing two fingers at his own fierce features, and grabbed again for the remote.

"Hey!" Marthe wasn't above hollering when he laid a hand on her to stop her from protecting the device. "Don't touch me!"

Jerott had already retreated to stand by the bed again, maintaining a distance, his palms open at his sides, his expression one of vexed fury. "Please switch it off," he said carefully, but Marthe knew suppressed anger when she heard it.

She narrowed her eyes. "Why? You're not gonna...let it all out, get all cathartic on me?"

His jaw clenched visibly.

"Personally, I think it's reassuring to see him cuffed and guarded," Marthe added, eyeing up the picture on the screen.

"...swapped his disciple's robes of pink for fetching penitentiary facility orange..."

Jerott said nothing, but took three long strides to the far wall and yanked the TV plug from the socket.

Marthe rolled her eyes and swept the remote off the bed so it clattered to the floor. "Oh, Mr Rock and Roll. Gonna throw it out the window, too?"

Jerott got into bed and yanked the sheet over his body without turning to face her. "Good night, Marthe," he snarled.

She stared at his back for a moment and then made a sound of exasperation and got up to brush her own teeth.

It wasn't like she'd wanted to watch the programme anyway, it was just that any talk of the Rajneeshees wound him up so much, even now. Marthe, of all people, could well understand another's bitterness about the wasted years of their life - but Jerott's bitterness was always special. He couldn't accept that anyone else might have regrets about any number of things, oh no - nothing compared to the victimhood of the boy who had run off to join a cult instead of going to med school, who had run off to med school instead of joining a band with a man he was clearly deeply, obliviously in love with. He was evidently the first guy on earth to find out he was attracted to a man and feel conflicted about it, the first person in the history of mankind to have his illusions shattered about someone he'd trusted.

Marthe brushed her teeth and hair angrily in the dark bathroom and got back into bed with a heavy landing on the mattress, with deliberately exaggerated kicking of the sheet, plumping of the pillow, and fidgeting until she was comfortable.

"Good night, Jerott. Good gig today. Sleep well."

[zeldasnotes]

hii !!

so this is my review for the birth chart reading: first of all, thank you very much !! you sent it in less than a week so i'm very thankful. hehe. ALSO, i woud like to say your explanation abt me and my father's relationship were true. there's some distance there before, but i'm trying to be closer to him now and i think it's going well !! i also have a tendency to view myself as the victim, but i'm consciously trying to do something about this cause it doesn't have any positive effect on me and also to other people ://

i was also pleasantly surprised about the mentioning of me becoming known for my work in another country??? it's so weird bc i never saw myself working abroad before, but lately, i have been thinking of actually working abroad (hopefully, in the entertainment field) and am feeling really excited and positive about it.

your explanation for my mercury placement also fits !! I OVERTHINK A LOOOT, i swear it's gonna be the death of me 😭 i also think i'm smart with interpersonal relationships however i am someone frank so i say things as they are even if that's not what other people want to hear hehe

despite being a 7th house stellium, i don't see myself as someone who prefers to be in a relationship bc honestly i've never been in one yet 😩 HOWEVER, i think abt having a partner a lot. lol. i'm also big on having my alone time, it that gets compromised it could actually lead to a fight. lots of people also tell me i'm friendly and kind but i honestly don't see it????

MY MARS PLACEMENT EXPLANATION WAS ALSO ON POINT. i have a huuuge attraction to people who are bold and confident (however, i lile them better when they also have this aura of being cold/snob haha) and i actually don't know how to flirt so i guess my sun placement really downplayed it a lot HAHAHA. and omg, i get and lose interest in people really fast 😭

i've also noticed that even if i just stay quiet or in the side, i always get noticed. sometimes, i really don't like it bcs i feel like other people see me as someone who's hungry for attention even if i really try to swerve away from it !! sometimes it gives me an ego boost bcs of how interested ppl are with me. i also noticed i have this "sunny" look but i don't really like my bone structure (idk maybe these are my insecurities talking). ://

as for my midheaven, some people say i have good style but unless i become stable in life, that's when i can only afford the kind of fashion style i want <33 I ALSO AM SOMEONE WHO NEEDS SECURITY IN MY LIFE!! i swear i'm so used to entering situation with plans b-z backed up. lol. i'd also like to believe i am hard-working, it can get too much that i become too much of a workaholic 😭

also for my jupiter and saturn explanation, i actually feel like i did face lots of struggles in school. it's like for every good thing i experience, a bad thing should happen next???

okay my uranus explanation definitely called me out 😭 my mom actually once told me my type and the people i end up crushing on are totally different.

my neptune placement also makes it really hard for me to stick to a routine. i hate sticking to one actually. but i'm trying to change that now but yeah, it's still hard :// I ALSO HAVE DIFFICULTY STAYING ORGANIZED so i have to double my efforts on this one 😩✊

my mom also has a really big effect on me, mostly for positive reasons !! i mean we had our fights, HUGE ones, but thankfully my mom's always open to changing for the better. i also am, if i'm the one at fault.

dang. my chiron explanation is also true. i'm hugely insecure about my creativity and art 🥲 YET it's not as bad as it was before but i still have my moments !!

as for the asteroids used, i find it so werid and funny that most of my placements suggest i'm a highly sexual person but i honestly have a hard time being intimate with other people :// it's like i freeze on the spot and don't know what to do?? HAHAHA.

anyway, that's all. thank you for the reading again 🥰

Thank you so so much for taking your time to give me this review I really appreciate it!!🥰❤️

[geminihalos]

Astro Analysis pt.2

Back at it again with a different family member’s chart, but this time it was upon request. I promise that I will start posting about famous ppls charts and why they are like the way they are. If yall want a specific famous person’s chart analysis then please take your time to comment on this post by putting a name in there.

Alright so the family member that i’m putting on the spot today is my own father.I ask for my family’s permission before posting anything relating to such matters.

I’m going to be quoting him a lot lmao bc its too iconic to leave out.

☀️Sun in Leo + Sun in the 10th house: Is in general very Confident and loud. Sometimes has no filter and is a huge lover of art, especially cooking. He expresses himself fully through his career which is also MC in Leo, meaning he is meant to be a leader. There is a sense of enjoyment in being generous and having a reliable reputation. Has a big heart, but won’t hesitate to cut away the unnecessary. Tiny bit of spoiled brat energy, but won’t admit it.

☀️ Ya’ll ever notice that Leo placements also love video games, and are very good at it. Ex: my own father, my cap brother with the leo rising, my aries archnemesis with a leo moon. All of ‘em love playing video games and spend hours grinding on getting the xp and the dubs.

☀️ Scorpio moon + moon in the 12th house: this placement is what makes him the easiest to talk to in my opinion because he understands the emotions and wisely handles them because this placement if highly developed. Scorp moons claim they don’t cry often, and he himself believes that crying is useless and he’d rather think about what to do next instead of moping around. Vague descriptions of how he feels, and enjoys deep convos.

☀️The 12th house is linked to the past life, the secrets, and subconscious, which means that he hides his emotions fairly well, and they’re well controlled with scorpio in there. Is aware of what’s going on inside his emotional nature. Reflective when developed and he has an innate desire to reach enlightenment. makes sense bc 12th house is linked to spirituality. Fuels the generosity and calms the ego.

☀️Mercury in Leo + Mercury in the 9th: once again very loud, but loves jokes and is very comedic. Satire humor because of scorpio influence. Naturally charismatic voice, knows how to command people in a socially acceptable way, and always has a tendency to talk over people to get his point across first. Strong in his beliefs and points especially bc mercury is in the 9th.

☀️ Mercury in the 9th makes him direct his logic to the way of life and helps him find ways to set his morals geared towards finding emotional freedom. See how this connects with scorpio moon in the 12th? Often talks about the philosophy of life and is bent on finding as much knowledge as possible, a natural scholar of life. Fun, loud, and confident. (his life path is 7: the investigator and knowledge seeker path)

☀️ Venus in virgo + venus in the11th: makes for a witty person and it's true that people with this placement prefer modest, savvy, clean, and sophisticated people. That’s why he married my mother (a capricorn in the VIRGO decan). Is conversational and loves to share knowledge (”useful and life-changing knowledge” as he puts it) when he’s bring social. 

☀️Venus in the 11th makes him loved by society, and once again can attract people’s attention. People find him generous, thoughtful, and quirky, which are the classic Virgo traits being expressed through Venus. Although his angsty Scorpio moon makes him preach introversion, he can talk to people just fluidly, and they like him.

☀️ Mars in Cancer + Mars in the 8th: Is passive aggressive and hard to anger for real, but once someone does trigger him, he gets explosive with his words and saying hurtful things in the moment. Once again like my cap brother but more heated. Actually good at tennis; ppl with mars in cancer are good at tennis like Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic, and Refael Nadal. 

☀️Likes to make people rage quit for the fun of it when playing competitively. “we have to make sure he doesn’t know we’re pros” he said, “why” I said, “because I want to destroy him and make him think he has another chance of beating me... just for me to destroy him bahahahah” (applies to video games and tennis)

☀️ The 8th house rules the secrets, the hidden, and also financial deals/transformations. What this means is that he directs his energy towards taking calculated risks when it comes to material wealth instead of managing/keeping it which is 2nd house specialty. Does stock market investing and claims that investing came natural to him (”it was in my blood” lmao). Lowkey Scary because his financial strategies are risky, but it takes strong guts to execute. 

☀️ASC in Scorpio with Uranus in the 1st: Lots of confidence here guys. Uranus rules Aquarius whose sign is opposite to leo. Therefore, he appears like he has a god complex since aquariuses can be louder and more narcissistic than even Leo. But then again, he has leo placements... oof. He comes across as someone quiet, strategic, and intimidating, but he has a distant and aloof look as well.  

☀️MC in Leo: Born to lead and forge his own path. He was given so much leeway and freedom to innovate and find his own way, that he matured very quickly without the help of his parent (aquarius in the 4th). The leader who shines, but with the scorp energy, he prefers to be more secretive and work behind the scenes.

☀️Fixed Dominant: “i’m so adAPtaBle what are you tAlKinG about” *proceeds to argue with my brother about why going this road is faster than the other even though he’s clearly wrong*

☀️He looks up to feminine sun signs a lot bc of his virgo venus and scorp moon: ex- Warren buffet (virgo), Bill gates (scorpio), John D Rockefeller (cancer). 

[jypbae7]

Could you do a breakdown natal chart for Kun from Wayv?

QIAN KUN - NATAL CHART

Kun was one the most requested I got which was a pleasant surprise!!❤️❤️

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Capricorn Sun, Leo Rising, Taurus Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Capricorn Mars

Clearly a LOT of Earth sign placements but nicely broken up by the fire sign rising

Capricorn Sun has serious and long term plans for the kind of future they want for themselves and once they set out for it they seldom give up. Stubborn to a fault, but also consistent enough to actually persevere. They want the perfect job, reputation, partner, house, family, etc.

Leo rising is a bright, warm and outgoing personality. Lots of energy, creativity and flair. They enjoy having a strong core of friends that they feel understand and enhance their experience and effect on the world. Leo’s are known for being hardworking and as a fixed sign it offers a lot of consistency and determination. They are extremely devoted and loyal once they develop a bond and trust with someone. Though the passion can fizzle out quickly if they aren’t feeling the kind of attention and passion they want.

Taurus Moon is a very grounded person with more social charisma and approachability than Capricorns are known for. They also have a tendency to like bold styles, they have big dreams and goals and you’ll be surprised at how well they can attain them if they’re focused enough (Kun is a Capricorn Stellium so yes this boy KNOWS how to get shit done when it needs to be done) Taurus is also a fixed sign which along with the stubbornness everyone knows about also comes with patience and consistency making them really good leaders when added with their natural friendliness and perseverance

Capricorn Mercury indicates a strong preference for structure, somebody who tends to follow rules and feels uncomfortable breaking them. They tend to have authoritative energy and demeanor. Big ambitions and determination to succeed and excel in their chosen career. Spend more time thinking than they show with a generally very logical mind which can sometimes lead to a black & white perspective

Capricorn Mars - responsible, organized, secretly a thrill seeker, can come off as aloof or guarded when they are around new people or people who they really want to make a good impression on.

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising, Capricorn Mercury, Capricorn Mars

Trustworthy and dependable - the “dad” of the friend group who everyone calls when they have something serious to deal with

Platonic love languages: acts of service and quality time - he loves spending time with people with shared interests especially music. Also loves going out to different places such as different trendy cafes, movie theaters, museums - you name it.

Likes other thrill seekers who push and motivate him to get out of his comfort zone

Sense of humor is a lot more childlike and playful than one would expect from his serious and strict side

Capricorn energy is NOT to be crossed or messed with. These are the ones who are calm af and calculated when angry - this is when you know you are screwed. When Capricorn is calm and collected while enraged, ohhh boy, do they figure out ways to hurt you in the smoothest and most effective ways without so much as lifting their finger. Spare yourself the trauma and DO NOT LIE to him no matter what.

Romantic relationships and preferences : Aquarius Venus, Capricorn Mars, Capricorn Juno, Aries Eros

Aquarius Venus is outgoing, friendly and charismatic. They are attracted to interesting and unique people who stand out of the crowd. They like bold and spontaneous gestures and they will do them back for their partner as well.

Aquarians also dislike overly clingy/needy partners which Capricorn also isn’t a fan of either. These signs are all about independence, individuality, personal expression and achievement. Meaning that while they do yearn for a partner (especially Capricorn placements) they want a partner who is self sufficient and independent with their own hobbies, careers, dreams, goals, etc.

Capricorn Juno implies they’ll be a tough to nail down for very long because Capricorn wants only the best of everything and they’re always busy trying to excel at things and scoping out their options. So you’ll have to prove your worth to them before they are willing to commit because once they do it’s for the long haul

Capricorn likes natural ethereal beauty while Aquarius likes the bold - my guess is healthy mix of both. Natural looking and soft featured with some bold/unique traits like bright/bold hair or fashion style, a bit of spice/sass here and there is another secret pleasure

Be prepared for endless serenades and songs made and sent to you like love letters - whether he’s singing or composing a warm ethereal instrumental for you, his whole heart is in it

Love languages (most to least) - words of affirmation, gift giving, physical touch and quality time

Words of affirmation makes him feel really wanted and needed, he’s also really really good at giving it out to people he loves so if he’s doing it one sidedly it would hurt him and make him feel insecure.

Gives either unbelievably beautiful luxe gifts or unique/fun gifts and loves to surprise his partner with them often especially after time apart

Capricorns HATE wasting time they are hyper aware of how many hours in a day and how much can be done in a day. So, if he’s spending a lot of time with you, you’re very very special and important to him and he prioritizes this time very highly

Star gazing dates, beach dates, camping trips - this man will go out of his way to make sure every date is an experience. He is PREPARED, he has an itinerary in his mind, he’s looked up the travel routes and picked the best one. When you go camping he will FLEX with his efficiency and ability to handle the labor heavy tasks. This man will purposely wait till you’re looking to start chopping wood (not that ANYONE is complaining), put the tent up and have it filled with blankets and pillows galore in 2.00034 seconds because he practiced in the dorm living room with the others like a drill routine. (Lucas taught him how to chop the wood & still look hot while doing it)

Is the MOST polite and endearing person to your family and friends. Goes above and beyond to be the perfect partner around your family and they are unable not to LOVE him. Is especially soft and doting of any children or elderly relatives. And none of it is phony at all, he doesn’t know anyway else to even think. Respect, manners, and family are extremely important to Earth signs. They’ll probably end up liking him more than you but honestly you can’t even blame them

(None of y’all ungrateful people better ever slack on Zaddy Kun’s visuals ever again!! If I don’t get to see his happy trail during 2021 I’m burning the SM building down once and for all)

18+ Preferences:

Aries Eros ooof - passionate, possessive and steamy. Pick their partners off instinct and energy - once they really like you they become infatuated and want to STAY that way. If it’s not the “I need you so fucking bad I’m gonna lose my mind” type of love they DON’T want it.

Leo Rising is a possessive as fuck placement thankfully when they get riled up or jealous they have the confidence not to get angry with you or insecure about it. BUT.... you‘ll still be awakening a whole new type of beast and quite frankly he will let you know that it’s all your fault as he holds you down and uses you like the stupid toy you are till you remember who you belong to

If he sees you doing anything even remotely domestic his Taurus Moon and Capricorn Juno will have his mind go from soft and warm thoughts to bending you over the kitchen counter and taking you right there without a care or second thought spared

Positions where he feels in in control are his favorite - he likes being on top of you, behind you and if he can pick you up and carry you while ramming into you best believe he will.

His favorite is position is missionary - likes to feel big and dominant he also wants to be able to see as much of you as possible and kissing you as much as possible from your lips to just about anywhere else he can reach. Will be staring at you 99% of the time with big smoldering eyes that don’t waver in the slightest. In fact if you give him eye contact back he’ll just be even more turned on

Now...this might be controversial but... Capricorn Mars usually suggests power play/dynamic kink - think rich powerful CEO who secretly fantasizes about being tied up and blindfolded. Not to say that is exclusively his main kink bc it’s definitely not, he is 100% mostly dom BUT with the right person he’d be more than willing and very excited to try it out - probably because they are always in control so it’s an adrenaline rush for them to relinquish it to someone else. Doesn’t necessarily mean an extreme level of being submissive even just simple restraints can feel very extreme for a bossy and in-control Capricorn

Aquarius Venus also likes breaking relationship “norms” and trying out new things. They are super fun and bright when happy so when he’s in love he’s in LOVE. Wants to sing about it 24/7 but is too stubborn to be clingy or needy. The type to smile during sex, especially when he’s on top of you or drunk. Don’t even get me started on drunk handsy Kun whining in your ear about how he just wants to sneak out of the party early.....bc I will genuinely never recover

Very vocal in the bedroom - gives his partner tons of praise. Completely loses his mind and is loud af when you kiss your way from his neck down to below the hips

Most of the time sex with him is more passionate than kinky, not lightening fast jack rabbit thrusts instead hard and deep rhythmic ones that make your whole body shake - Hungry makeout sessions, sneaky little hickeys where no one else will see, massages than turn into hours of love making, takes his time to hit deep and hard inside you, handfuls of your hair, gaspy whispers

When he is feeling more kinky it’s usually spur of the moment. In the car in the middle of a rainy night during a cancelled schedule or after an especially steamy date night where he decides to take you to a hotel afterwards

KING OF AFTER CARE (NOT up for debate) - cooks you an amazing meal afterwords or orders up a feast if he’s too spent to get up too, cuddled up in blankets watching a movie for the rest of the night afterwards.

[1kook]

skirt chasers - drabble i

a skirt chasers drabble bc they are my fave fictional couple to date <333

tags: coupley and domestic, jk’s terrible attempts at seducing via text, making out, dry humping, spitting (ik idk what came over me), too much talking for this to be sexual pero hey here we are wc: like 3k

entirely based off jungkook from bv3 that man had NO right to look that good and  the holy jirkenstocks (jungkook birkenstocks). wont lie this has been completely written in my drafts since November (yes 2019) and i hoarded it under the belief i would make this a whole part 2 which i did not 

que dios los bendiga <3

-

Much to everyone’s dismay, Jungkook’s spring break in Vegas with the boys is cut three days short when Jimin’s dog sitter suddenly cancels, citing a case of homesickness as enough cause to abruptly go home. When you first hear news of this, you’re preparing yourself for the return of a mopey, useless Jungkook, too drained from four glorious days in Las Vegas to carry on. What you’re not expecting is the mysterious text he sends you before boarding a five hour flight with no service (he was cheap).

kook still on vegas lockdown. Have that pussy ready when i get home

“The fuck does that mean?” Chaeyoung is the first to see the message, your screen lighting up on the kitchen counter beside you as you scrub through a mountainous pile of dishes. You try to play it off, after all, Chaeyoung had seen parts of you you hadn’t even seen, but there was no worse embarrassment than having your homegirls see your clown of a boyfriend’s ridiculousness. “He’s so romantic,” she swoons, and you shoo her away from the offending device as you wipe your hands down on your t-shirt. 

you for what?? One 20 second round 🤥

Chaeyoung suddenly cackles from over your shoulder, and you swear your soul leaves your body. 

You don’t get a response until exactly five hours and thirteen minutes later, your phone vibrating like crazy on the edge of your bathtub, and if you hadn’t given it a hearty kick and sent it flying across the room, front screen shattering into the most intricate spider web of glass shards, it would have fallen into the water. The terror. 

kook pls pick me up 

kook also haha. U r soooo funny 😑

You’re halfway to the airport, idly sitting in traffic and giving the public a free, Beyonce-like experience of The Script’s Breakeven, when you realize you’re not wearing any pants. You’re not exactly sure which part of Jungkook’s long t-shirt had tricked you into believing you were decently dressed, but you’re not too mad. After all, Jungkook’s trip with the boys had been a last minute decision that did not take into consideration your never-ending thirst for your boyfriend, so a little payback never hurt anybody. 

He’s sitting on top of his suitcase outside the airport when you get there, cute Birkenstock-clad feet swinging back and forth as he waits for you like the good boy he is. He crouches down by the passenger window, “Uh, yeah, is this the Uber?” 

You can’t even bother hiding the smile that consumes your face, and it only grows tenfold when he finally gets in and immediately leans over the center console to kiss you. “Look who’s finally back from their little bachelor party,” you murmur, eyes lidded dangerously low when he breaks away. 

“Oh, the party where I accidentally sleep away my life-savings to a stripper named Aries and then have to go home and beg for my wife’s forgiveness?” He responds immediately, devious pink tongue swiping out to lick at your bottom lip. 

You snort. “Joke’s on you, because our hot pool boy kept me company and treated me better in four days than my husband had in six years,” you mumble, finger looping into the silver chain around his neck to pull him close again. 

“Not our hot pool boy,” he whines, smile pressed adorably to your lips. 

You almost retort, but a ten-second horn blast from the car behind you has the two of you jumping three feet from each other, like teenagers caught making out in the school parking lot. 

-

Just as you’d predicted via text, Jungkook barely has the energy to walk up the steps to your apartment, much less fuck you like he’d promised. “Fuck, stop being healthy and let us take the elevator,” he grunts, pushing his suitcase onto the final platform leading to your floor.

“Nope,” you concede. “The stairs give me a good view of your ass going up.”

He shoots you a scandalized look, like you’re an old man who’d just catcalled him on the street. “Pretty sure that’s my line.”

It’s when you’re unlocking the front door, sending out a little prayer to the heavens (Chaeyoung) for the blessing of an empty apartment, that he notices your lack of proper clothing. “Oh, hell no,” he groans, immediately crowding you against the armchair nearest the door. 

You laugh, struggling to turn to face him as he nuzzles his face into your neck. “What seems to be the problem?”

He sighs against the shell of your ear, and you’d be a liar to say it didn’t send a gush of wetness to your core. Jesus, just a single puff of air from Jungkook was enough to turn your coochie into a Fruit Gusher. “Not your sexy legs again,” he whines, and you giggle when he presses those pouty lips to yours. 

“Thought I was supposed to have this pussy ready for you,” you tease, tilting your head up until your noses brush against each other. Jungkook lets a soft huff of a sigh go, eyes fluttering shut at your close proximity. 

There’s a hand that creeps along the back of your thigh, fingers pressing into the soft skin until he finally guides it upwards, hitched over his hip. The new position has your body curving backwards, tilted over the edge of the couch as he continues crowding closer and closer to you. “Baby,” he whines, and the tone and sudden usage of your favorite nickname wipes the teasing smile off your face. “I missed you so much,” he purrs, in that tone that says he knows he has you under his complete control, all he has to do is take care of you. 

Still, you try to put up some sort of a fight. “I’m sure your eyes were kept entertained in Vegas,” you retort weakly, not even bothering to hide the jealousy in your tone. 

Jungkook laughs, before puckering his lips and smothering you. Instantly, you throw your arms around his broad shoulders to pull him closer. His hair tickles your face from how long it’s gotten, and when you brush it back, collecting it into a makeshift baby ponytail, you can’t even enjoy the sight because Jungkook is pressing his rock hard member against your inner thigh. 

“You think I’m a cheater?” He muses when he finally pulls away, a little entranced by the saliva that coats your lips in a thin sheen. “Couldn’t be even if I wanted to.” Before you can ask what that even means, he’s hauling you into his arms, your legs wrapping around his tiny waist, his cock now cradled between your thighs, right where you want him most. You moan immediately, head lolling backwards at the touch you’d craved for days. “Feel that? No one gets my dick hard like you do, baby.”

Even though his adrenaline is on one hundred, and he’s clearly blinded by his lust, Jungkook still sets you down on the bed like you’re made of glass. Any comments you may have made are smothered by his lips on yours, fingers gripping your waist like it’s the first time he’s ever touched you. When he pulls away, his eyes are dark and his breath is a little heavy where it fans against the lower half of your face. 

“So pretty,” he huffs, rolling his hips against yours. You groan, eyes rolling back as the familiar feeling of your boyfriend between your legs consumes you. Jungkook presses his mouth against the skin of your neck, where the faintest sheen of sweat had begun to form the moment you unlocked the front door. 

If you thought you were loud, the sounds leaving Jungkook’s throat are teetering on the edge between a pornstar and a yodelling-enthusiast. You can’t help the smirk crossing your features. “Are you really gonna come?”

Jungkook was many things, and drama queen was definitely very high on that list. He gives you the most scandalized expression, stopping the movement of his hips to scoff. “As if,” he snorts, but you know that little eyebrow furrow a little too well. 

You snort, reaching down to his sides as you try to discreetly urge him to start up again. “Baby, your jaw is twitching,” you point out, a soft whine leaving your lips when he shifts your leg up. It’s this same sound that has him finally moving again. 

“Yeah, well,” he groans, one hand deathly gripping into your hip now, pressing you down onto the bed so hard you feel the comforter will swallow you up any minute now. “I just got my wisdom teeth removed, ‘member?”

Your retort is briefly cut off by the cry you let out when he ducks down to suck a mark beneath your jaw. “M-Months ago,” you weakly respond, 

Jungkook ignores you in favor of using his Hulk strength to fold you in half, groans borderline animalistic as he grinds his cock into your soaked panties. His jaw is tight like you’d said, but you can tell he’s holding himself back. He hated coming before you, seldom doing it unless it was one of those rare days where he wanted you to pamper him. 

“Fuck,” he grunts, swallowing your pitiful whines before pushing his tongue down your throat. There was something sexy about your boyfriend being so turned on that his saliva production was off the charts. “You’re gonna ask me to do that thing again, aren’t you?” He predicts. 

All you can do is nod, and Jungkook smirks. “Ah,” he says, much like a doctor would, and you comply, mouth wide. You see the muscles beneath his jaw twitch, and a moment later he’s leaning over you with puckered lips, a glob of saliva begging to drip down. 

The moan that catches in your throat has him smiling, tongue peeking out to cut the bridge of saliva that connected the two of you, and you want to tell him you love him, but then he’s raising his eyebrows at you, motioning for you to swallow, so you do. “Absolutely filthy,” he grins, and then returns to thrusting against you. 

As much as you liked to tease him, he’s good at fulfilling the sexual aspects of his boyfriend role, and he guides you to your orgasm moments later. Of course, he does so by toying with your tits just the way you like, lips pressed firmly to yours as you become a boneless heap beneath him. “That’s it, pretty baby,” he murmurs, pressing one final kiss to your lips before he’s shifting back onto his haunches, tugging you closer until the backs of your knees are cradled carefully in his elbows. 

Despite your transcended state, you love watching Jungkook get himself off, and your eyes flutter as you watch him thrust sloppily against your soiled panties. They’re soaked by your own arousal, and had Jungkook’s sweats not been as dark as they were, you’re almost certain you’d see how they stained. 

He comes a moment later, body twitching and fingers tightening against your skin. His chest heaves, head lolling back as he tries to regain his senses. Silence envelopes the room. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You blurt, no longer able to pretend like something isn’t completely wrong. 

Jungkook rolls his neck out, a satisfying crack resounding, as he angles to look at you again. His tongue is poking against his cheek in that cocky way it does sometimes, and he furrows his brows at you. “What?”

You shuffle up onto your elbows, motioning towards him with the vaguest wave possible. He blinks. You groan. 

“What did you do?” You question, and immediately his eyes go wide and shiny in that way they do when you’re reprimanding him and he doesn’t see the wrong in his ways. 

Cute little lips forming a pout he remains as confused. “Nothing? We really just went to fuck around and get drunk—“

“Kook.”

“You don’t actually think I cheated, I thought we were just joking? Unless…” he trails off, doe eyes suddenly filled with fear. “You weren’t?”

“Jungkook—“

He intercepts you, “did you do something while I was gone? Who was he? Or she? Wow,” he huffs to himself in disbelief. “I don’t even know you well enough to know if you’re into more than just men.” The frown on his face is getting deeper with each word he utters and you almost can’t believe how dumb he could be. “No wonder… am I a terrible boyfriend?” He asks, voice louder and more concerned than it’s been all night. 

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” You say, and Jungkook looks just as lost by your response as you are with his. “Because I’m talking about whatever this is,” you explain, reaching up to drag a hand through his dual-colored locks. 

They’d been carefully tucked under his bucket hat when you’d picked him up, a tuft of blonde peeking out from in front of his ear. It wasn’t until he’d tipped you over the side of the couch that it had tumbled off. Of course, at the time, there had been other pressing matters at hand than wondering why your Hannah Montana blonde boyfriend had returned as Todoroki, which is why you’d waited until now to revisit the topic. 

Jungkook doesn’t move for a solid ten seconds. Then, as if processing the emotional episode he’d just given you, he gives you a sheepish smile. It’s one of those smiles where his lips press together thinly and cutely and the apples of his cheeks seem like the squishiest things in the world. “Oh…” he says, voice soft and nothing like the man that spit in your mouth five minutes ago. “You like it?”

[yashashveeroy]

i’ll answer the questions from your post lol :)

i think i associate you with the colour orange a lot, it’s giving creativity, energetic, unique and bright

the vibe i get from you is that you are a really creative person, you stand out a lot in social situations and maybe people envy that certain uniqueness that u possess. U seem like someone eager to share their ideas and thoughts, cool older sister moment

idk why i associate sagittarius with you the most, also with 8h placements since they are so alluring and mysterious but also cool, pisces or Aquarius as well bc creativity and u give me some kind of daydreamy vibes. ofc pluto and also neptune are the planets i associate with u the most, maybe mercury or jupiter as well.

rant : idk i just overall feel tired of people telling me who to be and what to study, coming from a latino family ofc career choice is important within my family, it feels like i’m the only one that fully believes in myself and my dreams of being an actress. sometimes i get upset at the littlest things like when i took a vocational test and it didn’t say theatre/acting, or when my astrology charts also don’t point to that bc it feels like even more ppl or things are qkbrkwbrkqmdkq yk, i just wanna believe in myself but it’s so hard, anyways sorry for ranting i hope u have a nice day <33

My tiny lil heart will burst.🤍✨

Oh my universe!! I love the colour orange soooo much but specifically the one on a marigold! 🥰🧡 I’m so happy you think I’m creative and unique!! Bright probably because of my Leo sun lol 🤣

I’m very creative by nature so got that right. And yes, although sometimes I fail to notice, my mom always makes me aware of how much I stand out in social situations because of my uniqueness. It definitely leads to a lot of envy and enmity😭. I’m ALWAYS EAGER TO SHARE MY CREATIVITY WITH OTHERS OMG. “Cool older sister moment”?! I- THATS THE SWEETEST THING I’VE HEARD ABOUT MYSELF. I don’t have human siblings you know, so that means a lot to me 🥺💖💖😭.

Ahhhh Sagittarius!! My western dominant sign!! 🥰 and I do have 8th house placements!! My Venus, Jupiter and North Node fall in that house!! OUUUU OUUUU IM A VEDIC PISCES MOON SO PROBABLY WHY YOU GET THAT VIBE!!

Pluto is my Dominant planet and Neptune is @yashashveeroy’s (my page’s) Dominant planet!! How interesting that Neptune came up the second time!!😳😮‍💨💜💜

Reply to your rant:

Heyyyy, I just wanted you to know that I get what you’re going through, especially when you mentioned your vocational tests or birth chart not pointing towards your desired career! You know, when I was just born, the astrologers had told my parents that I’d get into the medical or law field. But look where I am! I’m literally out here pursuing a degree in visual artistry! I’m doing what I want and I’m happy. I remember taking a career test and not being able to even pick the potential hobbies I wanted, it was non existent on the list! So even though the test results said I could do well in Environmental Sciences, I didn’t care! I never wanted that.

So don’t take these things too seriously @vampybleh!! Keep working for what you desire in life. That’s all that matters! And of course, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. That’ll take you a long way. I know you got this!! Just go for it.

And please don’t ever apologise for ranting when I literally asked you to!!🥺💖

Thank you so much for your time, energy and help. It means the world to me! 💖💜🧿✨

Love, Roy.

[thehighwaytothestars]

BRIEF ANALYSIS OF CHANGBIN’S BIRTH CHART

Quick Disclaimer : Unfortunately, we don’t have Changbin’s birth time, so the  analyses of his birth chart It’s more focused in the energy of the planets and signs, because we can’t really see how he is manifesting this energy in his daily life, in the material world.  So, this is just my point of view about how he can be, behave, feel things, etc. Perhaps he channels some energies differently, and that is okay. Please, don’t take all the info's down below as if they are 100% accurate. <3 

LEO SUN

This leo baby, so prone to inspire people, make them laugh, feel love, and feel like they’re a million bucks. This energy is powerful and so passionate, he likes to bring joy and lift up people’s energy, he’s so playful and energetic that is impossible to people don’t feel better when they are around him. They like to enjoy life to the fullest, but want company while they are doing it. The biggest heart ever, when he likes someone, he will try to do as much as he can to help them.They are fearless as well, they believe in themselves and follow their hearts like no others, that’s why they are so powerful, they are always in sync with their values, their truths.  And of course, if the energy of this sign isn’t well balanced, they can become prideful, selfish, egoistical, self-centered, petty.  

LEO SUN CONJUNCT NORTH NODE  

This is it, he was born to bring joy to people, to cheer them up, to be in the center of stage, he’s definitely in the right way here. He is in the business that try to inspire people, make them feel better while watching their performances, and listening their music.   Leos are so good expressing themselves, and one of the ways they can do it really well is through acting, music, any artistic way that allowed them to be who they really are. And Changbin is definitely learning how to be more he’s true self, since the north node it’s all about what we came to learn in this life, but also can be a little challenging for him, exactly because is something that he is learning. He came to learn how to be proud about his true self, his essence, to believe more in himself. He’s discovering that he can do it whatever he wants, that he can, and wants people to feel in the same way he is. So, as I said, he wants to inspire people to be proud of who they are, to be their own self, and to be fearless about it.  

LEO MOON CONJUNCT NORTH NODE

I believe that he brings sometimes from he’s past life to this one, so he can be quite intuitive about what he’s doing, he’s a natural.  The leo moon can be sometimes dramatic, and in terms of emotions can be quite selfish and childlike, but when it comes to the positive side, is a very happy, joyful placement. It’s likely that people with leo moons work in the public eye, in the entertainment business and in this case, the conjunction with the north node just accentuate that.  The leo moon brings a lot of playfulness to the person, they like having fun, and a good time. They can also be quite confident, even flirty. They are brave, courageous and not afraid to go after what they want. They can be really devoted, loyal to people, and their own values and convictions. As I said they have a huge heart, and will always protect the ones they love, definitely the type to hate someone just because a friend doesn’t like it them. His friend's enemies will be their enemies too.  Leo moon can’t take being cheat it, if you ever do that, oh boy...you will be facing their worst side, all the rage and fury, it can get really scary, especially because they can be loud and look like 10 feet tall when mad. They become more dramatic than ever, so you never know what is going to happen.  

CANCER MERCURY   Cancer mercury can be a placement where people are really sweet and cute expressing themselves, worrying about others emotions and feelings when they communicate, so they can be careful with their words. And they can get hurt easily by what others say about them. They can communicate they emotions really well, since the moon (emotions and feelings) rules cancer. In Changbin’s case, with his leo moon, can inspire people through he’s speech, can motivated them. We can see this in his writhing too. But he can become a little savage when someone hurts his feelings and pride, he can say mean things just to make you suffer, or start doing sarcastic comments, could raise his voice too. He can be definitely the one making passive aggressive comments as well. The tendency here is to defend himself from something, so it’s hard to make him change his mind once he is hurt.  He can be moody as well. One day talking a lot, super excited, and the next day barely speaking. His emotions can impact his communication a lot.  

VIRGO VENUS IN RETROGRADE   Usually people with this placement can be quite picky, selective, demading in relationships, with a big desire to help their partners to improve, they can have as well and ideia of “perfect partner”, which can lead us to someone being alone for a long time. Because, nobody is good enough. Buuuuuut, of couuuurse, this is the bad aspect of this sign that posses so many others great parts. Having a virgo venus makes the person super helpful, wanting to do everthing they can in order to see their partners out of stress, trouble, and things like that. They show love by doing things for you, serving you, cleaning and organizing your stuffs, for example. They can be not so romantic, but they are faithful,always by your side taking care of you, seeing if you need something, or ate something, for instances. They are very very giving, and really need to stop so much in their partners, and need to think a bit more about them, and their wishes, so it’s important to have a partner who can take care of them as well. They work hard in everything they do, and will try to make this relationship the best you ever had, the most perfect one.  But even though they are super dedicated, they aren’t clingy, and want some space as well. They are not the ones declaring their love all the time through words, they will show how much they care by doing little things for you.  They are good in analysing their partnerts so with something is wrong they’ll know right away, so please don’t try to hide, bc they know you better than yourself.  Having venus in retrograde can make sometimes hard to open up to love, and people in general; and it can be harder for Changbin bc he’s venus it’s alredy in a sign that is very closed, demading, introspective, and picky. So, yeah...poor Changbin I think he may face a few challenges in real relationships :(  but maybe he can compensate this in the sack?! hehehe let’s see what his mars tells us...

SCORPIO MARS :) Okay...know, I think Changbin can be a little reserved in terms of relationships but when it’s about sex...he’s up for a lot of things. Afterall having this placement makes the person more sexual, and wanting to explore his sexual nature, breaking taboos, the all thing.  Scorpio mars are intense, seductive, dominant and know what they want. Usually they like people who submit to their power.  Having a virgo venus and a scorpio mars, something tells me that this boy is all about pleasing his partner and he’s not done until you finished (praise the Lord)...or better saying, until he’s done with you <3  But mars isn’t just about sex, and he does...but it’s also about attitude, action, how we fight our battles, how we star things. In Changbin’s case I believe that he’s really focused, determined, almost obsessive when its about doing his things. When he thinks he should do something, he goes until the end of it. He’s  intense em whatever he does (IknowIsaidnomoresexthingsbutc’mon)... He’s the one putting he’s all, his heart, and all he can give to make it work (and I’m pretty sure we can see this when he’s rapping or dacing, for instance).  Usually, this placement makes the person enjoying working out, or challenging their bodies til exhaustion, they may enjoy the pain and seeing the results, the transformation in their bodies.

[mrsparknamjoon]

01. the linchpin | reliability • kth

index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 1.900 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: a predictable mistake in buying shares becomes the perfect opportunity for taehyung to show everybody in the company no one is above his rules. what he didn’t know was that his plan would backfire making him question what the real meaning of trust is

A/N: this story began as a drabble bc i love dramatic scenes, whether in movies, television or books. confrontation is always one of my favorite things about them so i decided to try to write one for the first time ever. clearly i still have a lot to learn but i hope you like it!

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Another meeting, another group of incompetent people that I can't believe I hired. Sitting at the end of a long wood table, I scrolled through my phone reading a few emails while all the shareholders took their positions. It was absurd that I had to call a meeting on Friday night because of a predictable and, quite frankly, stupid mistake but here we were.

“Mr. Kim, we're ready” my secretary said discreetly as she handed me a folder filled with documents.

“Thank you” I replied as I got up from the chair and started spreading the papers on the table in front of me.

“Good evening! First, I would like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. The reason for this emergency meeting is to talk about the purchase of a few Min Industries shares” I paused and gazed into the eyes of everyone present. Some of them were curious, tired, others frightened and one in particular very angry.

“I believe all of you realized that ever since it happened our company has started to fall into devaluation, thanks to someone’s stupid and hasty decision” I continued while looking at the documents before me. “I don't want an explanation about what happened or why it happened, just how we are going to solve it” I turned and faced my main suspect, “Today”

“Mr. Kim, if I may, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that there is nothing legally wrong with the purchase” said Lee Sung, one of our oldest and most efficient lawyers. Still, it was a matter of principle for me and everyone knew that.

“I understand, Mr. Lee, but this is not what I'm worried about” I began calmly walking around the table while elaborating my thoughts, “You see... although Min Industries doesn’t compete directly with us they have affiliates who do. Therefore…”

“Therefore it’s smart to buy the shares precisely because it gives us more control over the affiliates” said Y/N, interrupting me.

I couldn't help the smirking that escaped my lips. Y/N took the bait and it was all I needed. From the beginning, I knew she was the one leading the expansion project and everything was going well until she put my credibility with Min Yoon Gi in check.

Yoon Gi and I are old friends, practically brothers, but our families have a particular rivalry that has lasted for almost 50 years. It is nothing that explicit or dramatic. An outsider wouldn't see the animosity, for example. I see it as a truce, however, it's still a delicate matter for our parents and grandparents. When we both took over the businesses, we agreed that we would not repeat their mistakes and promised to interfere as little as possible in each other's company. If it was strictly necessary, we would have to talk before any steps were taken. That was the deal and that is why I was furious at Y/N's audacity to make a decision like this one. She was aware of our family's situation even if not exactly about what I had promised my friend.

“Are you serious, miss Y/LN?”

“Why would I be kidding?” she replied looking confused, twisting the pen between her fingers like she was bored.

“I have no idea, but to call that a smart decision, one that immediately impacts my company's profit, not to mention my personal reputation, seems like a joke. And a bad one to say the least” I said, staring at her intensely as I approached her chair.

The atmosphere got heavy and I couldn't care less. I was right and everyone knew it. Y/N took a risk, as she is paid to do, but the risk was not worth it and she needed to take responsibility for it. If it was anyone else I would have already fired without even calling a meeting. Luckily, she's a key part of the company and one of the shareholders as well so I decided to scold her in front of others to send a subtle warning that nothing goes unnoticed by me and that measures will always be taken, regardless of the level of the hierarchy. This is my way to send a warning because I don't do threats.

Y/N gulped and shifted in her chair, visibly uncomfortable with my proximity.

“So I'm going to ask you again, miss Y/N: are you serious?” I crossed my arms and tilted my head to the side, watching her try very hard not to lose her composure. I had known Y/N for a long time and she always managed to be as cold as me, yet on occasions where her professionalism was questioned her replies used to be impulsive.

“Mr. Kim, I'll be frank” she started, standing up and walking towards the pulpit next to the projection screen. “It was indeed a risk on my part to put Vante Enterprises ahead of such a high-profile acquisition and, for the embarrassment caused, I sincerely apologize”

“Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?” I asked, sitting on the chair that she left vacant.

“But"

“See?” I turned to Seo Nu sitting on my left. He laughed politely because I laughed first. Deep down he didn't think it was funny and just wanted to suck up to me. Clever.

“But I still believe that in the long run, we’ll reap great results… excellent results, in fact! Here's a chart” Y/N pointed at the screen in front of us and began to confidently defend her decision, clearly and calmly, completely different from the Y/N of a minute ago who I thought would lose her temper.

* * * * * * *

The meeting room broke out in applause as soon as Y/N finished presenting a chain of detailed information regarding the shares, and although I was surprised by the level of research she prepared, I was unable to hide my dissatisfaction as CEO by confirming that Y/N still didn't understand the problem.

“Could you guys excuse us?” I looked at Y/N and then at the other shareholders. Since the person responsible presented herself there was no need to keep putting on a show, right? I got up, buttoned my jacket, and returned to my original spot on the table to organize the papers I had left lying there.

While arranging them all in a pile, the room emptied and Y/N approached.

“You love to exaggerate things, don't you?” she snarled looking me up and down.

“You love to ignore the rules and interfere with what doesn't concern you, don't you?” I fired back mimicking her attitude.

Y/N stopped for a moment and studied my expression. For a split second, I could feel a question in the air as if she wanted to know if that's what I actually thought of her — a nosy and unprofessional person who ignored her superiors on purpose. I didn’t. She looked hurt. Still, her voice gave no indication that my response had affected her.

“I love my work! It's great and you pay me well” she said, taking the papers from my hand. “Oh, what do we have here?”

“Don't be childish, give me the papers Y/N” I motioned my hands and closed my eyes feeling exhausted.

“What are these projections? How come I have never seen them before?” Y/N's voice came out louder than before depicting a mixture of shock and disbelief. “There is no actual proof that these companies are connected, it doesn't make sense” she walked back to the pulpit, eyes glued to the documents to compare the numbers and references with the slides she had spent hours preparing.

“Y/N give me the papers, that information is above you” I demanded in a firm tone. “Besides, my intention with today's meeting was to get you to find a solution to your own mess but even that you weren't able to”

“How can I solve it if I don't have all the information, Tae Hyung?” Y/N lowered the papers she was gripping so tightly in front of her face and I could see red, teary eyes along with the angry tone in her voice. She hadn't called me Tae Hyung since college and that felt like a blow in my stomach.

“If I had known that the companies were connected I would have thought twice before buying the shares... I…” Y/N's voice failed but she cleared her throat and continued “...this is your fault!”

“Mine?” I asked dumbfounded.

“You left me in the dark and I made an important decision without having all the information” she pushed the papers onto my chest and started pulling the projector's wires angrily, “This is not what I call trust”

“Seriously? Are we going to talk about trust? Bit ironic, don’t you think?” I started chasing her around the room while she collected her belongings and threw them into a big purse.

Y/N snorted like what I just said was absurd.

“You know very well the situation between my family and Yoon Gi's. I always made it clear that we don't do business with them and yet you went there and did it” I placed my hand on top of her purse, preventing her from continuing what she was doing. “Where is my trust in you now?” I questioned her almost in a pleading tone.

Y/N pulled the purse off the table in one swift motion and I almost lost my balance.

“You know what? You're right. I was wrong” she said, looking defeated. “I shouldn't have shown interest in shares that involved Yoon Gi's company, but you definitely shouldn't have hidden these documents from me either” she continued taking a few steps back, slowly moving away from me. “And that's where you fucked up. You're still obsessed with secrets and rules, keeping everyone who tries to help you away"

“Wait a minute” I interjected. This was unfair, it was not like that.

“I'm not done talking” she gazed at me very seriously and I had no choice but to stop and listen. “I know that we have differing opinions on many things and I have teased you too much in the past 10 years with my analysis and requirements, but I never... I say never... would do anything that would harm the company”

“I know” I whispered, feeling kind of dumb for blurting it all out like that.

“It doesn't look like it” she placed the purse on her shoulder. “For me, you're trying to find a reason to get me out of here”

My jaw dropped in shock. Y/N had no idea how much I valued her work, and at this very moment, I didn't know what to say first. An apology? An explanation? A plea? I could have said anything, but I didn't. Not even a fucking sound. My mouth remained open as my thoughts flew through my mind at a frightening speed, making it look like I was confirming her impression.

“I’m gonna save you the trouble. I quit”

Y/N gave me what looked like a small bow or maybe a quick nod as if to excuse herself and then left the room without another word, leaving me leaning against the table without understanding what had just happened, finding myself, for the first time in a long time, completely alone.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

[emmaswcns]

Top 5 ouat characters that aren't main characters and top 5 ouat season one episodes :)?

beckyyyy thank you for the ask <3333 @intothewickedwood

top 5 non-main characters:

1. neal cassidy. idk if we'd consider him 'not a main character', but to me, the main characters are the charmings, henry, regina, rumple and hook soooo yes i consider neal a non-main character :)))) i could write essays on how much i love neal cassidy so i will save everyone from reading me scream about him but i love him w my entire heart and he deserved so. much. better.

2. elsa (and anna). i really really loved the frozen arc (i know no one else did but w.e it was so good) and i loved elsa soooooo much. i wish that the sisters stayed in storybrooke and became part of the cast bc emma and elsa's friendship was so sweet and they balanced one another out so well and idk it would've been cute if they all stayed

3. august! i know that the writers would've fucked him up along the way if he had stuck around and joined the charmings crew, BUT i have fallen in love with his character and the possibilities of what storybrooke would've been like had he stuck around as an adult (thanks @bewilderedmoth) also after reading way too much sq fic, august is always emma's best friend/brother and i just wish that we got to see more of that in the show bc i really really loved their banter and i think he would've been a really good person for emma to lean on during all the shit she went through and all of their scenes together were just sooooo good (like look at that gif!! look how CUTE THEY ARE zasxdcfvgbh)

4. ruuubbbyyyyyy! i really thought that ruby would stick around past season 2, i really thought she was a permanent part of the charming crew but she disappeared and i am very sad about that! i loved her friendship w snow and her budding kindof friendship with emma and ugh she was just so cute and i really loved her when she was around. much like august, her character lives on in fic and i am thoroughly happy for that <3

5. merida! honestly i don't remember much about her character bc i have blocked s5 from my memory, but from what i do remember, i really enjoyed her and she was really funny imo lmao

top 5 s1 episodes:

1. the pilot DUH. i remember thinking like 'holy shit this is something no one has ever done before how did no one think of this?!' after watching the pilot and it was just sooooo good. it sucked me in from the first scene and i was like wooow this show is gonna go places lmao

2. hat trick. this was the episode for me. i loved all the episodes leading up to it, but this one was where i was like 'oh my god this show is GOOD'. i loved that it was a fairytale show but that episode dealt w this mad man kidnapping someone and DRUGGING someone and emma being an absolute badass and ugh the chemistry between jennifer morrison & sebastian stan was off the charts and it was just such a good ep. not to mention getting to watch emma be vulnerable for the first time when she calls snow her family cfvghbj just a great episode all around!!

3. red-handed. i had absolutely no idea who ruby was and it was driving me CRAZY bc i figured out everyone else pretty much (besides august, he took way too long for me to figure out lmao) and i loved her backstory and i also loved her coming into her own and "quitting" granny's and helping emma find clues. it was a cute episode!!

4. the stranger. SIMPLY bc of the scene in the woods with emma and august. this show doesn't have the best acting all of the time, but that scene hits different. like i would say that was one of (if not the best) jennifer morrison's best scenes in the entire show and i truly believed she was emma swan and that someone was just recording her, totally forgetting that there was a camera crew there with them and all that. i re-watch that scene on youtube sometimes and it gives me chills!

5. a land without magic. i was starting to get annoyed by emma's total disbelief in the curse and then it just finally happened and i was so happy lmao. it was intriguing to watch her interact w everyone knowing that they were fairytale characters from then on lmao. and also, watching emma & regina team up to save henry is always a good time <3 this TOTALLY isn't a fave episode bc of the strictly platonic heated argument in the closet where emma and regina's faces were 2 inches apart from one another, no waaaaaaaay.

[reversecreek]

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her  | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her  )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace. 

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen. 

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus. 

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood. 

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[plutoswrath]

This is an uncomfortable aspect to ask about (and I’ve sent in many lol) but this is personal for me and I understand this aspect essentially from just living it... but need further understanding. My North Node is in Aquarius on my 7/8 house cusp (it manifests as BOTH I use to think it had to be one or the other, but BOTH occur simultaneously) I also have the asteroid Dejanira conjunct NN on the 8 house side. Basically what I’ve experienced is I always have healthy relationships (7H) (I also have Saturn in 7) but at the same time will have a toxic relationship (8H) occurring as well. This has gone on thru my life - parents were split and relationship w Dad was not healthy, and I’ve repeated this pattern w friendships in school and so on... My husband whom I’ve been w since 2009 had a best friend who’s entirely “narcissistic” but I’m soooo irresistibly drawn to him and my North Node is on his Ascendant exactly conjunct my Dejanira, also my moon is conjunct his moon/Lilith conjunction in his 8H (my 4H) (but literally ALL of our planets are conjunct it’s so insane and sickens me - we’re over a year apart) we were essentially a trio of besties and nothing ever happened between me and my husband’s former best friend but the feelings were there for both of us and he went kinda nuts (honestly so did I - I’m in therapy lol) and we stopped being friends in 2018 ... so I’m also best friends w this same guys sister (they don’t get along and she had actually reached out to me a few times and this past summer her and I reconnected) and now she’s getting married soon and I can FEEL HIM AGAIN (after finally getting over him!) and I’m entirely terrified of this dynamic replaying but it’s on my North Node and he’s so manipulative but can draw people in and is so deceiving and I’m afraid he’ll rope my husband or even me in even tho I know better bc I literally am a moth to a flame w him and I lose all control. The Dejanira thing is a pattern tho bc after we stopped being his friend in 2018 I had a female best friend who I became very close w and she literally got physically abusive w me in January this year and now her and I are taking time apart and I feel thrusted back to the past now. (He actually introduced me to this girl and blamed her on “stealing?” me - actually most of my friends I know thru him and I actually feel like I replaced him for all these people which is weird when you think about the fact that all of mine and his planets are conjunct). I’m SO SORRY this is long and hasn’t been a direct question - Can you give me insight into my own Aquarius North Node being on my 7/8H cusp w Dejanira? I felt like the back story would help/was needed, I’m so sorry it’s a lot. It’s just so hard bc I genuinely care about this asshole too (our moons are conjunct! in 8H/4H lol). Can you tell me about my North Node/Deja being on his Ascendant too? Are him and I bound together? How does him being the Ascendant make him feel when contacting my North Node and Deja? Any info you can offer like even in general with what I shared, and is this like a curse that I can break? Will it just continue on throughout my life? THANK YOU 🤍🤍🤍

Hello! I’m sorry but I’ll take the opportunity now to adress something important here. This is nothing personal against OP, but rather a well meant, general advice:

Over the years that I’ve been on here and studied astrology, sometimes I get messages of people telling me about very personal, negative experiences and they try to trace it back to their birth chart and particular placements/aspects, tell me about the personal conclusions they drew out of their experiences or ask for advice on how to counterattack certain negative energies, etc. And I get it, I do think astrology can be a wonderful tool to try to get to understand you, your life and your potential better and I actually embrace and appreciate people being open and vulnerable with their experiences.  Often times though, I get messages of people telling me about very concerning and precarious situations, including straight up abuse and emotional manipulation and just down right trauma in the making, but finishing the message with questions like ‘Is it because I’m a Scorpio?’ or ‘What placements make me do that or cause that to happen?’. These messages are not just concerning by itself, especially when minors send me them, but it really rises the qestion, if astrology is the right thing to look into for a solution for your circumstances now? I especially don’t want to confuse newbies and young people with the illusion of astrology as an answer to all of your problems, because when you deal with precarious situations like abuse or something similar, I think astrology also bears the danger  to get lost in it’s interpretation of seemingly possible outcomes, and thus can lead to more harm and maybe prevent people from getting help or taking actual, physical action. Because after all, not every manifestation of the parts of ones birth chart, but also synastry don’t have to manifest. There are a lot of external forces influencing your life that have nothing to do with your birth chart, which can, and can’t trigger various areas of your chart. I think abuse and trauma shouldn’t be justified by ones own birth chart placements. With that I’m not denying the negative aspects about astrology, and the ability to explain life by it, but I think if people are in dangerous and traumatizing situations it’s not good to feed even further into false believes by telling people that they themself can be the root of the abuse. And this is not me denying the actual negative parts of astrology (because yes, planets such as Pluto and Saturn or asteroids like Chiron do point to hurt, negativity and trauma), but this is simply me saying that even by a simple message I can usually tell and feel when people can take the astrological advice and answer or if someone gets confused and the astrological knowledge can feed even more into the negativity and hinder them from healing and seeking help.  I’m not only concerned for the people at the other side of the screen, but as the person offering astrological help and guidance I think it’s also my resonsibility to decide when to share that info or not. Astrology and other divine practices can improve your life and help you, but please know that they should be used wisely, always. 

To you OP: First, I apologize that I answer just now, but I was torn on how to answer and adress my concern. Dejanira on the NN can indicate an individual that is meant to outgrow pain live for healing, there’s also a possibility to influence others positively with their experience. Especially if the 8th house is involved the experiences one might  And with Dejanira conjunct his Ascendant he might see you as an improvement to have around in his life, and thus he could even form an obsession with you.  But in all honesty, if he’s truly a narcissist, cut him out of your life once and for all, or the cycle will repeat. I hope you will be able to leave all of these people behind and can live your life with healthy, supportive people. I wish you all the best and apologize again that I just answered now.