#we still don’t know if he will be present on this comeback

[idiotgojo]

eye fucking satoru <3

tags; gojo x reader | fluff, suggestive (?) | jealous (?) insecure (?) reader

note; here's some comfort before the next chapter leak... gojo comeback 😩

"I'm not jealous, I'm just—" you waved your hands in frustration, unable to put words to match what you were feeling. That was all you could manage. Gojo, on the other hand immediately understood. He smirked, narrowing his eyes at you.

"You really don’t realize the effect you have on me, do you?"

And that was how you ended up on top straddling him, both of you still fully clothed. The heat of his body radiated through your thighs as you sat on top of him.

“What are we even doing? I’m tired. Let’s just go to bed,” you sighed, trying to lift yourself off his lap, though a part of you wasn’t entirely convinced.

"While my princess is mad at me? I'd rather die than let you sleep upset with me," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. His hands tightened on your waist, keeping you locked in place, as his gaze softened just a little with a pout.

Suddenly, a wave of insecurity hit you out of nowhere. You were usually confident—quick-witted, and perfectly aware of your beauty. But something about the way that other woman had flirted with him earlier stirred doubts. She was a contrast of you—different hair, a niche style, a whole different vibe. Was Gojo craving something new? Was he tired of you?

Just as your mind began spiraling, his palm faintly tapped your thigh, bringing you back to the present. You bit your lip, refusing to meet his eyes, knowing if you did, you might just fall apart in front of him.

"Look at me," Gojo said softly, yet firmly, as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Your eyes remained fixed on your fidgety hands in your lap. But Gojo wasn’t the type to let things go so easily. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered,

"I dare you to look into my eyes and see what happens."

You hesitated, but curiosity, or maybe just him, got the best of you. Slowly, you met his gaze.

In seconds, you felt it—him hardening beneath you, unmistakable and sudden. You gasped, instinctively glancing down at his growing length pressing against the thin fabric of your clothes. Heat rushed to your cheeks as you blushed furiously.

Gojo chuckled, reaching up to grab your chin with one hand, tilting your head up to meet his eyes again. His other hand slid up your thigh, teasing.

"Now do you see the effect you have on me?" he asked, his voice loud with excitement, eyes locked on yours that sent a shiver down your spine. The corner of his mouth lifted in a sly smile as he waited for you to respond.

Words failed you, your brain fuzzy, buzzing with the intensity of the moment. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a searing kiss. His lips claimed yours, biting gently on your lower lip, eliciting a moan from you. The pressure of his body beneath yours, the friction as you rocked your hips against him—it all made your pulse race, drowning out every thought but him.

Both of you groaned softly into each other’s mouths, hands roaming feverishly. The heat between you was undeniable, and the tension finally snapped as you deepened the kiss, tongues tangling, breathing ragged and needy.

That night, Gojo didn’t just show you his desire—he made it clear that you were the only one he ever wanted. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word left no room for doubt. You were his one and only.

disclaimer (?); a lot of ??? in the whole post, which is probably because I'm not even a real writer. I just write for fun, a place to collect and keep my scenarios I create in my head before I go to bed lol. This is my first written piece! Enjoy :)

© idiotgojo 2024 do not steal or translate. if you wish to use the idea and create a better fic please tag me :)

[bandzboy]

okay yes sm has released a statement about what has been going with riize and say they are gonna take action against people that have been invading their privacy (idk how much of this is true but anyways) my question is… why didn’t they do this with seunghan? they just put him on hiatus and then made him apologize they did nothing to protect him making it seem like he did something wrong i genuinely go crazy bc of this fucking company

[karinasbaby]

haven’t seen lots of awareness brought to this in enhablr yet but i really wish all engenes could also post about & talk about the mistreatment they’re getting from belift. the way they haven’t had not even five days of rest the past two years is so concerning. the way the members’ healths are getting worse is so terrifying. they’re all so horrendously overworked and exhausted. we all saw jay’s injury and how they STILL made him perform despite the fact that his knee was injured. and now he’s on a hiatus that probably won’t even last that long considering how greedy their company is.

jake had to sit out from two different stages in their most recent concert and couldn’t even open his eyes when he was present for the other stages. heeseung can’t even properly perform with how overworked and exhausted he is. riki even spoke out about fainting in his weverse (whether it was a mistranslation or joke or not) this is all so terrifying. it’s so concerning because every engene knows how much enha love music & how much they love performing and having concerts for their fans.

their schedules for the past two years have literally been inhumane. comeback after comeback. tour after tour. event after event. concert after concert. belift is treating the members like they’re literal robots and the only people that can actually stop this is engenes themselves the longer you demand for a rest for the boys for no more comebacks and even boycott the higher of a chance enha will have a BREAK.

so please as an engene SPEAK OUT. repost reblog on here on every platform retweet on X share posts on tumblr use hashtags do whatever you can in your power for enha because it’s so clear they don’t have anyone else but us engenes when their own company is treating them like this.

mind you. they’re planning on making enhypen have another comeback at the final quarter of this year. AGAIN.

LET ENHYPEN REST ‼️

tagging a few moots: @intromortal @heeslomll @ak4e7a @enha-stars @venomhee @sjyfave @alvojake @hollyoongs @yzzyhee @ja3yun @jaylaxies @hoondrop @fakeuwus

[thepersonnamedsam]

hello! i was hoping I could request something between gen z reader x the grid where she gets an anxiety attack or gets really anxious during press and how they would react or try to help her, could be due to something about the race or personal, love uuu<3

you’re gonna go far

pairing: the genz!driver x '23!grid

summary: social anxiety and social stuff don’t mix very well

word count: 2.3k

warnings: anxiety attack, angst, sexist comments

note: hiya!! yk i love your requests!! thank u <3

i have social anxiety myself, it’s written from my perspective - anxiety is experienced very different, pls remember that! and pls respect anyone who is experiencing anxiety or any mental disorder that is!

masterlist / taglist

We ain’t angry at you, love, you’re the greatest thing we‘ve lost.

The song blasted through her ears, tears started forming in her eyes. She missed home, so, so much. She felt guilty to leave all her friends and family at home to pursue her dreams. And this song, written by the brilliant Noah Kahan, just always made her cry and think about her hometown.

Well, maybe not always, mostly the days her anxiety sparks up - and today was one of those days. Usually media didn’t stress her out, but today was different. Her mood shifted and hyper sensitive, overstimulated and overwhelmed. And she usually had someone she trusted by her side at media, but not today. Today was just shit.

Paired with Lance, Kevin, Sergio and Niko, she just wished the day would be over. She was just glad that Daniel, Max, Oscar and Lewis would be after her, they would maybe wait for them to finish, so she could see them.

She was trying to help her calm down. Thinking about good possibilities and not bad ones. Not about how she would sit stiff and uncomfortable between Lance and Sergio. Or how she and Niko never really got along. Or how she couldn’t seek refuge in a known face. Or how she had to answer all the questions by herself and not have Max there to defend her and be her bodyguard. 

And she was doing it again.

What was she gonna do? Breath, just breath - that’s what she told herself. She was in desperate need for a break. She knew what she was getting herself into, but it was still so very much. She was glad that Hungary was the second last race before the summer pause. She would go home, maybe vacation a bit, but definitely head home and see her friends and family.

Her feet dragged her through the media pit against her will. She didn’t want to go there, she just wanted to curl up in her bed with a good book and some music. Her headphones still present on her head, at least she had her music.

She was so focused on the words of You’re gonna go far that she didn’t see Lance in her peripheral vision. He patted her on her back and she flinched as he passed her. He gave her a funny look as she just gave him a shy smile.

She sighed, she didn’t know how she could face this day. She wished she had Lewis or Max or Danny by her side, someone to lean on, someone who would protect her and help her out. But she was all alone in this world right now. That’s what she thought at least.

Sat next to her was Kevin and Sergio. Her leg was bouncing, her fingers couldn’t stop picking at her nails. Her breathing was fast. She knew that things would turn out bad pretty fast. She just knew it.

„So, the next question is for y/n. Seeing as you’re the only woman on the grid, do you feel intimidated by all of the men or do you actually like the challenge?“

Her mind raced. What? She wished for Max who would give a sassy comeback or for Lewis to out the comment as borderline sexist. Or just anyone to stand up for her at that moment, but no one did.

„Uh, thank you for your question. Uhm, I am not the only woman on the grid. There are lots of women working behind the scenes - mechanics, engineers, catering, strategists, everything. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t feel intimidated, because I know that I come from a powerful gender.“

Her answer was clip and clear, not even her voice was shaking, which she half expected to. But the interviewer grew visibly irritated.

„Can you go into it a bit more? Or could you please comment on the statement Christian Horner did? Here, I’ll refresh your mind: F1 is bringing in a young generation. It’s bringing in a lot of young girls because of all these great-looking young drivers.“

What had that to do with his question beforehand? Horner made that statement a longer time ago?

„Uhm yes, obviously we all know Christian by now, don’t we?“, she nervously laughed. „But uhm, he is obviously still wrong, like I originally commented when he first made that statement“ Her eyes were searching for something or someone familiar, but she couldn’t. Her vision occupied by interviewers and flashing cameras.

Her breath started to get faster, She tried to breath through her nose, not make it too obvious that she was having a moment. This would make headlines. Female driver gets anxiety attack whilst commenting on sexist statements.

Why wasn’t Lewis there? He knew what to do. He had caught her like this before - breathing rapid, fists clenched and fingers white. Eyes not focusing on anything particular and her chest heaving up and down from all her heavy breathing.

It was after she had found out that people were speculating about her - specifically that she had to sleep with her or any team principal to get her seat in F1. Her head was leaned against the wall, her knees pulled to her chest and her body was rocking back and forth.

„y/n, y/n, listen, look at me. Listen to me, can you please look at me, love?“, he pleaded. And when she finally did, Lewis let out a breath of relief. „Okay, look at me, darling, and follow my breathing, yes? It’s easy, you can do it, I believe in you.“

He grabbed her hands and put them to his own chest, so she could feel his breathing. Feel his calm heartbeat, even though he felt anything opposite calm. He looked her deep into her eyes and tried to reassure that everything was going to be alright.

„You’re gonna go far, y/n, listen to me, I know it, you’re gonna make it far.“

Her breathing had normalised and the tears stuck in her eyes, finally flowed down her cheeks. The soon turned into full on sobs and the older driver hugged the younger one. Embracing her and reassuring her, that none of the drivers would have believed the tabloids - they’ve seen her driving and know very well why she got offered her seat in F1.

She had thanked him about a thousand times and made him promise not to ever tell anyone. But if somebody else knew, maybe they could’ve helped her in this situation.

But luckily for y/n, this was all broadcast live, well, maybe not for her per se, because she knew about too many people were watching her lose herself on live television and her PR manager couldn’t just pull some magic strings to not have this air, but what she didn’t know was, that Seb was watching - her specifically.

And he did the only reasonable thing he could do, he called Lewis.

„Hey dude, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a long time. How’s retirement treating you?“ Lewis had a lot of questions for the German. The later laughed a bit, but turned serious pretty quickly. „Listen, I’m watching the pre-race interviews right now-“ Lewis interrupted him: „Yeah? I’m on next, you should definitely wait and see me on TV then.“

„Yeah that’s great Lew, but y/n is on right now. I think- no I’m pretty sure she’s having an anxiety attack on live television.“

Lewis was silent for a moment. „She is having what?“ - „An anxiety attack, you know what that is? It’s, uhm, when you get too overwhelmed and your psyche tells you that you’re experiencing immense fear at the moment and“, Lewis was tuning him out.

She was having an anxiety attack? Right now? During the pre-race interview? He had to help her.

„I’m on my way, thanks Seb“, and he hung up. He had to get there as fast as he could. Sprinting through the entire paddock to the media pin. On the way he almost crashed into Max, who was also making his way to the pin, Daniel by his side. The only looked at Lewis weird but soon we’re running with him, as he shouted: „It’s y/n!“

They arrived but no one wanted to let them in: „It’s not your turn yet, they’re still going. You have to wait until it’s your turn, you’ll be on in 10.“

„Listen, y/n, if you’re reacting this way to my question, you’re clearly not made for this sport, maybe you should go into something more ladylike, like horseback riding or tennis, at least you’d look pretty there.“

„And you’re clearly not made to interviews, asshole!“

All of them heard, the viewers heard, the drivers heard, the interviewers heard, but y/n was the only one who didn’t hear it.

Maybe you should go into something more ladylike, like horseback riding or tennis, at least you’d look pretty there. That was all she could hear. At least you’d look pretty there.

The other drives next to y/n didn’t know what to do. Their colleague was definitely having a though time, but they didn’t know how to help, they opted to just tilt their heads towards the floor and look just as uncomfortable as everyone in the room did - but no one stood up for her, expect Max.

„Maybe you should just fucking leave this pit before I will bash your disgusting face. Maybe you should scramble and flee. Maybe you should eat your on dick as you seem to like to put tiny and degrading things in your mouth. Maybe-“, Daniel stopped him, Max has said enough and made his point.

Lewis was already making his way up to her. Scooping her up and carrying her out of the pit.

At least you’d look pretty.

The sentence was going through her head like a loop, like a vinyl that’s broken and repeats all the worst parts. She felt like a broken record - cracked and well, broken.

„She‘s hyperventilating“, Danial pointed out. „Yeah no shit, sherlock.“ - „Max, let’s just focus on her right now, okay?“, the seven time world champion told the two time world champion. „Who’s garage is the nearest?“, Lewis asked into the round. „The Ferrari one is the first one on the grid“, Daniel said. „Let’s go then.“

Daniel led the way, fetching Lando on the way, she’d appreciate the support from the youngster. Even though he complained a lot to Danny.

„Don’t look, don’t look, we’re just passing through“, Daniel said as he tried to shield her and Lewis from all the cameras in the Ferrari garage. „What are you guys doing here?“, Carlos questioned, but as soon as he saw the crying mess in Lewis‘ arms he helped Daniel shield y/n. Carlos led them to Charles‘ side of the garage, as he had his closed off for anyone from the outside.

„What’s going on?“, a confused Charles asked the group now standing in his garage. „Charles, we need to go somewhere quiet, is that possible?“, Lewis asked the Ferrari driver. He nodded and led them to his drivers room, even though it was pretty tiny and probably wouldn’t fit all of them in it.

They set y/n on his sofa and Lewis was hovering in front of her. Lando sat on her right side, while Max was on her left. He took her hand in his, squeezing it, so she knew that he was there. „Hey y/n look at me. We’re in Charles‘ drivers room, in the Ferrari garage. Away from the media pit, okay? You’re safe with us now“, Lewis told her. „Breath with us.“

„In and out, just like that, darling, follow Lewis‘ breathing“, Daniel complimented y/n. „You’re doing great, shatje. So, so great. We’re all so proud of you.“

„You can let it all out, we won’t judge you“, Charles told her and just as he did, the dam broke. Her tears fell down onto her knees, she sobbed uncontrollably. She leaned her head on Landos shoulder and he pulled her close into his side. „You’re doing so well, love.“ - „Just keep breathing, don’t forget to breath“, Carlos told her. He was standing in the doorway with Charles, acting as bodyguards.

Danny walked around the room, trying to find something for y/n to drink out of. „Hey Charles, do you have some water or a bottle?“ The driver clad in red reacted fast and brought the Australian a tall glass of water. He brought y/n the glass and she had to stop crying to drink. Afterwards she got the hiccups. „There, there love, everything’s okay“, Lewis took her glass and patted her knee. „Remember what I told you? You’re gonna go far, okay? Don’t let that prick tell you otherwise.“

„At least you’d look pretty there.“

„Huh?“, the room asked, as she mumbled the sentence.

„At least you’d look pretty there. That’s what he said“, she looked up from her seat, to the room full of supporting people. „At least you’d look pretty.“

Max was so angry again, he could’ve killed that man, if it wasn’t for Daniel holding him back. „I am going to kill that man“, Max growled. y/n giggled: „Maxie, don’t, he doesn’t deserve death. He deserves to live a long, pitiful life.“

„We’re glad you’re laughing again, y/n“, Charles said. „Yes, very much so.“ Everyone agreed with Charles. „I love you guys, but how’d you even know that I was having a tough time?“, y/n asked confused. Lewis had to laugh: „Seb called me. Said he saw you on the TV all riled up and ready to cry and that I should already be on my way to help you, but I talked over him the whole time“ He scratched his neck and y/n laughed a loud belly laugh. „That’s so typical!“

°°°

taglist: @ironmaiden1313 , @topguncultleader , @biglittlesecret, @gulabjamooon , @lovelyy-moonlight , @peachyplumsss , @mistrose23 , @copper-boom , @love4lando , @champomiel , @serenityleah , @iloveyou3000morgan , @angelwithoutmywings , @elleeeee21 , @youkissedareaderinthedark , @mikauraur , @thybulleric , @lpab , @fdl305 , @mellowarcadefun , @teti-menchon0604 , @vildetry06 , @bibissparkles , @aurora-maria , @lunnnix , @sya-skies , @Buckywifeyy , @dakotali , @rechtrecht , @noncannonships , @1eclerc16 , @pitlanebabe , @sopheeg , @whatthefuckerr , @avengersheart , @thatsadsmallchild , @peachiicherries , @idkiwantchocolatee

[yothangie]

Missing their kids event

HJver. SH ver. YH ver. YS ver. SN ver. MG ver. WY ver. JH ver.

pairing: Dad!Hongjoong x 6 year old daughter ft. Fem! mom reader

wrd count: 597

genre: dad!ateez, angst with fluff at the end,

Warnings: crying, idol hongjoong, school

Ateez dad masterlist join the taglist

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He’s been working so hard for the group's comeback, for a few days he hasn’t been home and that puts a worry on your 6 year old daughter. The school was giving out student of the month awards and your child was picked from her class.

You had told Hongjoong in advance so he can have that day off for his daughter, he was sure to have it cleared, but as the comeback was near he hasn’t been home lately or been calling you. 

“Mama are you sure appa is coming” your daughter says 

“ I’m sure he will go sit down with your other classmates” 

The ceremony has started but no Hongjoong, you tried texting and calling but no response. 

You decided to message his fellow members to see if hongjoong is still alive, unfortunately they also didn’t answer. 

As your daughter's name was called you can see her looking in your direction, her smile dropping when she sees her dad not present. 

She went back to her seat looking down, a single tear slipped from her cheek.

When the ceremony was over she went walking to your seat slipping her head in your lap. 

“He didn’t come” she sniffled.

“Its okay my love he's probably busy”

“Can we go home now” she asked 

You took the certificate from her and carried her back to the car. 

You were hoping hongjoong would be home by then but as expected the house was empty. 

“Mama can i nap” your daughter asked 

“Of course lets get you changed first.”

After changing your daughter and tucking her in you decided to start dinner early. 

As you were cooking you heard the door unlocked, you knew who it was. 

Hongjoong came into the kitchen and went behind you resting his head on your shoulder. 

He leaned in to kiss your cheek only for you to pull away

“You really messed up today” you looked at him

“ i know im sorry-”

“Don’t apologize to me, it wasn't me who you let down”

He got the hint and with that he went into your daughter’s room who was asleep with dried tears. 

He gently stroked the girl's head, feeling guilty he had let his little girl down.

“Angel wake up” he whispered 

The girl stirred in her sleep turning her back to him. 

He ended up shaking her just a little bit hoping she would wake up

She slowly started to wake up looking around locking eyes with her dad

She let out a pout turning her back to him again

“Angel are you mad at me”

“Yes” she sniffled 

“Im sorry, I was at work-”

“You’re always working” 

He sighs picking her up sitting her on his lap wiping the tears that were starting to spill 

“Please don’t be mad Angel” 

“You promised” 

“I know please forgive me, I took the week off so i can spend time with you” he says 

“Its not the same” she pouted 

“I know Angel, why don’t you show me your award” Hongjoong sets her daughter down as she goes to her little desk grabbing the piece of paper. 

Hongjoong grabs smiling as he reads his daughters name printed on the certificate 

“I'm proud of you my Angel” he patted the girls hair 

“I got you a little cake to celebrate want to go eat it” he asked 

The girl quickly nodded, Hongjoong scooped up the girl in his arms giving her kisses on the cheek, carrying her downstairs. 

“I promise from now on any award you receive i will be there in the front row” 

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Taglist: @reooreo @starhwahwa @nnnarchives @enbymingi @nvdhrzn @strawberry-cube @jjoongstar @tinyelfperson @soso59love-blog @alexwritesfics @pai-fe @kkumiikumii @blackb3ll @marvelfanatic4life

[smoooothoperator]

What Was I Made For?

16: Slow It Down

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers (👀)

Warnings: imposter syndrome, someone you loved made a little comeback

a/n: HELLO!!!!! How is everyone going??? I don't know if this is a good chapter, i kinda feel that it's a filler one, but I needed to write it and post it to take this out and continue with the story

if you want to play a game and ask things about Dafne

Masterlist

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If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

Charles Leclerc is a good lover. He knows how to soothe my worries, taking care of me in ways that make me feel cherished. At night, he wraps his arms around me, his hands warm against my belly. His soft kisses trail along my skin, each one a tender reminder of his love. As he holds me close, whispering sweet nothings, I feel a deep connection that goes beyond the physical.

He shows me every minute of the day what our future can look like.

And still, my mind was playing me tricks.

The day we announced the pregnancy, the internet went crazy. Not only because of the pregnancy itself, but because of what it meant: my retirement. None of us wanted to see our socials, deciding to erase the apps from our phones and focus on the present, focus on the last days he had to spend here before he had to leave to get ready for the new season. We barely got out of the property, not going to the village in case more paparazzi were around to take pictures of us. 

"Are you sure you don’t want to come?" he murmured, lying next to me and resting his head near my belly. "The hotel's got a pretty nice spa. You could treat yourself all day."

“I know, I know…” I sighed, brushing his hair. “It's just… I hate going to the snow”

“Oh? Why?” he frowned, looking up at me, rubbing my belly softly.

“You don't remember?” I asked, surprised. 

“No? What happened?” he frowned, sitting on the bed next to me, moving to wrap his arms around me. 

“O-oh” I smile weakly, taking a deep breath. “In my second year in Haas, Mick and I decided to go to a training camp in the snow. Everything was going fine until one day our trainers suggested we take a walk outside. And those stupid ones apparently didn't know how to read maps, nor the weather radar. Well, they made us get lost and we were caught in the middle of a snow storm. We were out all night, frozen because of the snow. I had a pneumonia for a few days”

“Oh shit” he gasped softly. “I… I didn't know about it. How come you never told me?”

“Because at that time I hated your guts? And I thought you knew it, we were in the news” I laughed. “It was funny, actually. But after that I only go to the snow if I know I'll go just to have fun throwing snowballs and then going back to a safe place”

I nodded, letting go a long sigh and she held.me close to his chest. He rubbed my back softly, and I could hear his heartbeat, going fast.

“Say it” I sighed, rubbing his chest.

“During that time…” he sighed, and I closed my eyes, biting my lip. “You were with Mick when that happened?”

I sighed, swallowing thickly. He remembers… He remembers what I told him the morning after we woke up in that hotel room. 

“Yeah” I sighed. “But we never dated. We were only friends with benefits. We…”

“Yeah, I understand” he sighed, nodding. His chin was on top of my head and I could feel the slow movement of his head. “You two were teammates in Formula 2, both in the Ferrari Academy. Spending time together leads to other things”

“Are you jealous?” I teased him, trying to erase the sudden tension that was in the air.

“He knew about my feelings towards you, Dafne” he whispered. “Jealousy is not the world. It would be betrayal, maybe” 

“Oh…” I sighed. 

“Mick and I share a few things” he sighed, playing with my hair. “I lost my father, and he feels like that too, even if his is not dead. We know what it is to not have our fathers in the garage supporting us. And it made us be friends, somehow. But… Yeah, maybe that's why he distanced himself, cutting ties”

“I'm so sorry, Charles” I mumbled, looking up at him. “I… I never knew. We only did it to erase the tension and stress of the races…”

“Hey, you really don't have to explain it. I understand it, I promise” he smiled weakly, but I just shook my head and cupped his cheeks. “Dafne…”

“It was because of me that you lost a friend” I sighed.

“The past is the past, Daf” he smiled weakly. “Now I have you. And I'm happy with that”

I smiled weakly, leaning closer to him and pressing my lips on his. 

There was a little voice in my head, reminding me of everything he has done. A voice that tells me every sad thing, all the times he made me cry. A voice that reminds me that I'm not the only one that he had in his bed. A voice that counted slowly, reviving in my mind all the girls he had brought to the races.

“Remember how he humiliated you at your first win” a voice says. “How he called you a whore in front of everyone. You shouldn't trust him, he ruined you”

I tried to push away that voice, not listen to it. I tried to forget everything, to look at the present and think about the future. 

“I have to get my suitcase ready” he groaned, but still kissed me deeply. 

“You can do it while I make dinner” I whisper, moving closer to him, sitting on his lap. 

“Yeah? What do you have in mind now?” he whispered, holding my hips. 

“Taking care of my man” I smiled, feeling the little jump of my heart when I said those words.

“Your man?” he chuckled, looking into my eyes.

“I-I mean… Yeah?” I swallowed thickly. “I… Well, we… We are together, right?”

He smiled and nodded, kissing my lips again, showing me all the feelings he has deeply in his heart. 

“Of course we are” he whispered against my lips. “What I wrote in my post was real, Dafne. I always wanted you”

I looked at him with a smile, feeling my heart melt slowly. 

But again, that voice creeped into my thoughts, sounding like nails scratching on a chalkboard. I hugged him, hiding my face into his neck before he could even see how my smile got weaker. 

“He might say that he always wanted you, but he still had many models in his bed” it said, with an evil smile. “Who knows, maybe he never changed. Maybe he still talks with those girls”

I hugged him tightly, closing my eyes and trying to think about his touch. As I watched Charles, a mix of emotions churned inside me. I wanted to trust him, to believe in the love he professed, especially with our baby on the way. But doubt lingered, like a shadow I couldn't shake. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that we were in this together. For the baby’s sake, I needed to find a way to trust him.

I sighed, pressing soft kisses on his neck, biting his skin softly and hearing him moan softly. 

“Of course, mark him. Make sure the girls he brings to his bed know that he is taken” that voice laughed, making me feel shivers. “He's a cheater. A cheater. A cheater”

I pulled away, gasping softly, blinking slowly. Charles looked at me frowning his eyes, holding my hips. He was confused, just like me.

“I… I forgot I had to feed Athena” I said quickly, moving away from his lap and getting out of the bed. 

“W-what?” he frowned.

“I had… I have to give Athena a pill” I lied. “I… Yeah”

I swallowed thickly, walking out of the room and calling my cat, somehow praying to be alone for some seconds.

I walked downstairs, standing in the middle of the living room. I took a deep breath, then another, then another. 

I have to trust Charles. We were going to start again, we are going to raise a child together. He said he loved me since he was a kid, since the first time he saw me. 

“That's not true” the voice smirked. “He's playing with you. Don't trust him”

I took a deep breath, gasping, trying to get away from that spiral of negative thoughts, of that impostor syndrome trying to come back to my mind.

“Dafne?” Charles frowned, making me swallow thickly and turn around slowly. “Love, what's wrong?”

I swallowed thickly, hearing the way he called me, watching his worried eyes scan my body. He walked towards me, placing his hands on my shoulders and moving them to hold my hands, squeezing them softly.

“I…” I sighed, closing my eyes when I felt his hand on my cheek, making me lean on his touch. “I just…”

He sighed, nodding slowly. I swallowed thickly, trying to read his face, his mind. 

“Dafne” he sighed, smiling weakly.

“It's just… I want to be ready. I want to be ready to be with you. But I don't know if I am…”

“Oh, love…” he sighed, nodding. “L-look, I… I didn't want to rush things. I told you I was going to wait for you and I was talking seriously”

“I know” I whisper, nodding. “I don't want you to think that I don't trust you. It's…”

“You need to think. Alone” he sighed. “Okay”

“Okay?” I mumble, feeling scared. “W-what do you mean?”

“A week” he smiled weakly, bringing my hands to his lips. “I'll be in the training camp for a week. And you have a week to be alone, to think, to relax, to have time for yourself. It's partly my fault, I was attached to your hip this last month and maybe that's what rushed this situation”

“But…” I mumble. “Charlie…”

“My love” he smiled softly, making my heart melt. “This last month was the best month of my life, and I know we can work as an amazing couple. I love you, I really do. And I know you are working on it and I will wait patiently to hear you say those words too. A week is nothing, right?”

"He'll cheat on you," the voice in my head insisted, relentless and cruel. It echoed with every doubt, every insecurity, each word like a dagger. I tried to silence it, to focus on the love I felt, but the fear lingered.

“Yeah” I sighed.

I bite my lip and hug him tightly, breathing in his scent. His clothes smell like the fabric softener I use on the laundry, his skin smells like the shower gel of my bathroom. He smells like home.

“Help me make my suitcase” he whispered, kissing my neck. 

“Hhmm” I hummed softly, closing my eyes and leaning on him. “Sure”

He held my hand tightly, walking upstairs and going to his bedroom, one he barely has been using since he started sleeping in my bed every night.

I sat on the bed, smiling softly when I saw Athena jumping on it to lay next to me. Charles grabbed his suitcase and opened it on the bed, chuckling when my cat jumped inside of it to get comfortable.

I followed Charles with my eyes, watching him fold his clothes and place them in the suitcase. And somehow, that made my chest ache and my eyes water. Something about this made me realize that every week will be like this: watching him pack a suitcase and go to races, while I had to stay here and be pregnant and alone. 

“Are you okay?” he frowned, looking at me with worry, probably when he saw the tear that rolled down my cheek. “Dafne, hey…”

“Y-yeah, yeah” I swallowed thickly, rubbing my eyes. “Don't worry”

“Talk to me, come on” he whispered, sitting in front of me and holding my hand.

“No, it's stupid” I sighed, looking down at my belly, rubbing it. “I feel… I feel that my life is going to be like this for the next few months”

“How?” he smiled weakly.

“Watching you make a suitcase to go to the races while I have to stay here” I sighed.

“You can come to the races, Daf” he sighed. 

“There will come a point when I'll have to stop” I sighed. “I'll get bigger, my legs and back will hurt, doctors say that is not safe for me or the baby…”

He clenched his jaw and looked at me, placing a hand on my belly and rubbing it softly.

“Our baby will come in June” he whispered. “And I will be either in Canada or Austria. I… There has to be a way… I want to be in the last months with you, Dafne…”

“Charles…” I sighed holding his hand.  “Fred is annoyed enough with us… I can't let you get into more problems because of this. I can't let you lose your job…”

“If he dares to fire me then that's his problem” he laughed. “There are more teams that are dying to have me with them”

“But Ferrari…”

“Ferrari is my dream, yeah” he nodded. “But if they don't respect my family, why do I have to respect them? If Fred gets angry because I ask him for a few weeks to be with my family, then I can tell every media how he acted”

I looked at him, swallowing thickly. How can he be so calm with this? How can he be smiling like this?

“Don't trust him. He will abandon you. He will leave you for a model”

I closed my eyes, biting my lip and taking a deep breath. 

I have to stop it, I have to stop that voice full of venom.

Alone, again.

Just me, my cat and the silence. 

The day Charles left, he woke me up with kisses all over my body, whispered sweet words in my ear and my belly, promising to come back.

That morning, I saw him leave with my car, letting me keep his big car in case I needed it for other things. 

That was three days ago. Three days I spent alone in the house, playing the piano, walking around the field, observing my own belly moving slightly with soft kicks and recording it.

Everytime I stand in front of a mirror I look at myself, scanning my body with my eyes, taking mental notes of how much it has changed. How much my breasts grew, how my belly is getting round, how swallowed my ankles look.

Charles keeps saying I'm the most beautiful woman he ever saw in his life. 

“How many girls might have heard the same? He's prince charming, he flirts with all of them with sweet words”

I closed my eyes tightly, groaning. 

At this point, I'm going crazy, paranoid.

A week. A week to think. To be alone. Literally alone.

My sisters listened to me, and with my recommendation, they found a place in the F1 Academy, ready to help young female promises of the sport. And now, thanks to that, they are busy working and getting ready for the upcoming season.

My parents, both of them working. My dad, traveling around the world thanks to his career as a pianist, and my mom working as a CEO in Monaco.

Sometimes I asked myself how my life would have been if I followed their steps, if my sisters and I followed their steps. I could have been a musician like my dad, since he always said that I had the talent for it. And my sisters, if they didn't follow me into my career, would have been working with my mom.

But now the one that is jobless is me, the one that inspired them to study something that could help me. The one that changed the path of our lives.

“Stupid. Stupid Dafne”

The basement of the house was warm, thanks to the sun that lights the living room. I looked at the kitchen, smiling softly when I fixed my eyes into the pictures that decorated the fridge, the first scanner we have of our baby, and the envelope that keeps the gender.

We didn't talk about a gender reveal again. He said he was going to talk with his brothers and his mom, but never talked about when we could make it. 

“He doesn't want to do it, idiot”

“Stop” I groaned.

I heard her laugh. That laugh, my laugh. That laugh from when I didn't know I was pregnant. When I was happy, when I was untouchable. 

I need to breathe. I need to get out of this house.

I had my breakfast out of the house, sitting on the couch and looking at the landscape, bringing memories into my mind.

I was happy back then, without worries, without trust issues. I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. I didn't have to worry about guys, about dating someone, about him being loyal or not. 

I was free. Free to do whatever I wanted.

And now, with 27 years, I am everything I didn't want to be. Pregnant, with trust issues, not knowing if I can trust the man I share a bed with.

“How pathetic” the voice, the old me, scoffed. “Look at you. That's what happens when you get your walls down. Stupid Dafne”

I closed my eyes tightly, taking a deep breath, shaking my head trying to avoid that devil in my shoulder.

I sighed, grabbing my phone and looking at all the messages, all the calls.

My friends called a few times. My mom, my sisters and my dad called too. Charles sent a picture of the views from his hotel room. 

Sebastian sent a text. 

“Everything would have been better if you stayed with him” she scoffed. “Sebastian was loyal, he never cheated. He even said he would buy a house with you. He would have done more things than Charles”

I swallowed thickly, reading the texts, trying to not answer them. 

“I am loyal. Loyal to Charles. To the father of my kid” I said to myself, repeating it like a mantra, trying to fight that inner voice.

“Fuck” I gasped when I noticed I was calling him, panicking when he answered.

“Yes, go with him” the voice laughed. 

“Dafne?” 

“S-Sebastian” I mumbled, swallowing thickly. “I… I didn't want to call, I'm sorry”

“No, it's… It's okay” he sighed. “How are you? I mean… How's the pregnancy going?”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, laying on the couch and rubbing my belly.

“Yeah… Good” I sighed. “We saw the baby the other day for the first time”

“You know the gender?” he asked, making me bite my lip.

“No, no… not yet”

“Oh, okay” he sighed.

“Seb…” I whisper. “I… God, I don't even know why I'm calling you. I'm going crazy”

“Why? Hey, talk to me” he sighed. 

“It's just… I'm trying” I sighed. “This month he has been staying in my house, and at the start I only wanted to put a pillow on his face while he was sleeping. But now…”

“Now you are giving up” he sighed. “Look… When he came to the hospital the day you had the crash, he looked really bad. He was panicking, Dafne. He was so scared of losing you and he was ready to fight whoever took you out of the race. He probably did it before going to the hospital”

“He wouldn't do that…” I sighed.

“He would” he laughed. “He would do anything to have your attention. God, he was even ready to fight me because I didn't let him get in your room! That man is head over heels for you, so what's the problem?”

“The problem is that I have this annoying voice that keeps repeating to me that he will cheat” I whispered. “That he won't be loyal, that he's just playing to keep me out of Ferrari”

“Did he do something to make you think that?”

“N-no… I guess” I sighed.

“Then? That's the imposter syndrome, Dafne” he said. “You can't accept your own happiness, even if it's with someone that hurt you? That man loves you. Just… Trust him. Trust Charles”

“Im trying” I sighed. 

“Look, Dafne. I really appreciate you. You have been someone I cared for so much and for a moment I saw a chance for us. But he is your endgame. He always was” he sighed. “You two are meant to be together, no matter how many times you argue or fight. You two will find a way to be together”

“Seb…”

“Just trust him” he sighed. “Let your heart work for once. Give your heart the control of your decisions and stop making your brain work. I'm sure everything will be okay”

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and feeling little tears.

“I don't regret meeting you” I whisper. “I don't regret the time I had with you…”

“Me neither, Dafne. But he is what you need” he said, making my heart break a little. “I wish you everything good. Goodbye, Dafne”

I closed my eyes hearing the beeping, biting my lip.

Why can't I enjoy the present? Why is the past torturing me?

The day was warm. February started with a sunny day and birds flying around.

Today Charles was coming back home.

After some days of internal battle, I called him, trying to explain to him how I was feeling, trying to put words to my thoughts, opening my heart for him.

“I just… I'm so tired” I smiled weakly, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. “You are giving me all that love, all that time and space… And the only thing I'm thinking about is if this is temporal. There's like a voice in my head making me doubt every move you made, making me remember everything you did to me”

“You know I never wanted to…” he sighed, and I could see the disappointment on his face. 

“I’m losing control, Charles” I whisper. “I don't know who I am anymore. And this changes that happened so fast…”

“It's making you take steps back” he nodded. “Please, don't push me away…”

I looked at him, taking a deep breath. His mind was working, I could tell because he was chewing his lip nervously and sighing.

“I want my life back, Charles” I whispered. “I want my confidence. I'm looking in the mirror and I can't find myself anymore. I'm tired all the time, my feet hurts and my back too”

“My love…” he smiled softly, and again, the way he called me made my heart melt. “You are pregnant. Carrying a baby. Our baby. And I know this is happening right in the best moment of your career, that none of us are ready for this”

“We are not” I sighed, shaking my head.

“But we are working on it” he smiled. “Dafne, you are a strong woman. The strongest I ever met. You never let anyone step on you, what changed now?”

“That I'm letting my guard down, Charles” I sighed. “That the woman that loved to tease everyone, to joke and play was just a mask”

“But the little girl I fell in love with wasn't like that” he said. “The little girl was honest, and passionate about what she loved. She never gave up when something didn't work how she wanted”

“Well, I can't find her anymore” I whispered. “I feel that I'm drowning. And I'm so pathetic, because I started to feel this way right when we were okay, kinda. I let you lead me through this new life and now that I'm alone I feel that I'm going to lose control of everything”

“Dafne, take a breath, hm?” he smiled weakly, taking a deep breath. He laid his back on the head board, with a pillow on his back. “Breathe with me”

“I'm trying…” I sighed, closing my eyes.

“I'm going to tell you what we are going to do next, okay?” he said softly. “Tomorrow morning I'm leaving the camp. I'll go to Monaco because I want to cut my hair and my mom will do it. After that I'm going to go by plane to the nearest airport from the village”

“What about my car?” I smiled weakly. 

“Your car looks so good near my car” he chuckled softly. “So in that way you can try my new car and come to pick me up to the airport”

“Charles…” I sighed, shaking my head. 

“Let me talk, silly” he laughed. “Anyway, what I was saying… Ah, yeah. Well, I want you to go to the village this afternoon with the envelope of the gender”

“What?” I gasped.

“You heard” he smiled, winking at me. “I want you to go to that cake shop you always talked about and give them that paper. And when tomorrow we come back, we are going to stop in the shop and pick up the cake, bring it back home and then have our own gender reveal”

“But what about our families and friends?” I frowned confused.

“We can do that another day” he smiled. “But I can't wait anymore, Dafne. I couldn't stop thinking about that damn yellow envelope in the fridge door, about wanting to know the gender of our child…I even bought baby onesies here, you know? Oh, and one of those things the babies suck”

“A dummy” I smiled.

“Yeah, that” he chuckled. “And a beanie with ears”

“Oh Charles…” I smiled softly.

“Tomorrow we are going to have a date, okay?” he smiled. “So I want you to dress pretty with blue or pink, I'll do the same. You'll come to pick me up and we are going to find out together if we are having a little Charles or a little Dafne, yeah?”

I blushed, and somehow the panic that filled my veins for the last few days started to disappear.

“Idiot” I laughed softly.

“You can have all the fears you want, love” he smiled. “I'll be with you to help you go through them. I'll be the lifesaver you need to not drown”

“I don't deserve you” I sighed.

“No, Dafne. I don't deserve you” he sighed, smiling weakly. “After everything I have done… But I'm trying my best, I'm trying my best to redeem myself”

“You are doing a good job” I nodded.

The pink floral dress still fitted me. Thank God it was elastic on the chest.

Yesterday, after I ended the call with Charles, I did what he asked me, going to the village to leave the envelope to the baker and agreeing to go pick it up the next day.

Charles was landing soon in the Florence airport, only an hour away from the village.

I had everything ready, my bag was ready on top of the table. I cleaned the table from the backyard before getting ready.

Everything was looking good. I was less stressed.

“Athena, I'm leaving!” I said to my cat, hoping she would come before I leave. “Come on, you've been hiding all morning”

When I woke up this morning, I didn't see her. Normally she's sleeping in my bed or in Charles’. But she wasn't there.

“Thena!” I frowned calling her, walking around.

This is not good, the house was suddenly too silent.

“Thena, baby, where are you?” I called her again and again. “It's not funny, I really have to go pick up Charles”

 No answer.

“Fine, sleep all you want” I sighed. “I'll come back soon”

I grabbed my bag and the keys of the car, walking out after looking back. 

But there was something that wasn't right. Something, call it instinct, was telling me that there was something wrong.

taglist

@racinggirl @elisysd @alltoomaples @ssprayberrythings @rach3164 @yvonne-dump @deliciousfestsalad @janeh22 @hc-dutch @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @ssararuffoni @itsjustkhaos @scaramou @tapedeck-hearts @apollosfavkiddo @sltwins @glitterquadricorn @ladystardust05 @theseerbetweenus @vizzzashley @auawdo @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @leptitlu @green-thots @caterinemirandax_ @mid5nights @harrysdimple05

[multiverseworm]

You know what? My current obsession is Master Chef, so… Here is how I picture that would go with the Batfamily.

MasterChef: Batfamily Edition

For obvious reasons - Alfred is the chef judge.

The competition gets one person eliminated each week. They get tested in skills such as chopping, cooking, baking, plating, problem solving, and other miscellaneous events.

There’s 10 participants and each week one gets eliminated from the competition until the master chef remains.

Participants:

Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Steph, Cass, Barbara, Kate and Duke.

Week 1 - Soups

As we enter the competition, all of the participants are expectant of what their fellow competitors are able to achieve.

The most experienced ones in the kitchen wanted to demonstrate their skills right away and set precedent so everyone else would know who to be afraid of.

Kate, Duke, Barbara and Dick demonstrating great abilities with their different kinds of soups and appetizers. However, seems like the billionaire really can’t have it all, and that includes kitchen skills.

Eliminated: Bruce Wayne.

Week 2 - Sandwiches

Easy enough one would think. Well, Steph and Tim fell out hard in this challenge since they had never made anything that didn’t involve PB&J.

Damian made an excellent comeback from last week’s match and demonstrated an exceptional performance with his cucumber sandwiches (the other participants don’t seem to be happy with this result since it seems favoured enough).

Eliminated: Tim Drake.

Week 3 - All things Eggs

As the weeks start to go by, each challenge starts to get more and more complicated and the participants are feeling it.

Kate and Barbara are still holding strong their top spots in the competition bringing Benedict eggs or a Croque Madam, but this week Jason surprised everyone with a perfect French omelette one could fine at a decent Gotham restaurant.

This week, two contestants had a rough week when they burnt or included cracked egg shells into their food.

Eliminated: Cassandra Cain.

Week 4 - Italian

For this week’s challenge, the contenders were allowed more freedom to choose their dish with the condition it had to be Italian cuisine.

Duke and Damian prepared similar dishes by preparing tomato pesto and basil pesto for their pasta. This caused a timeout imposed by the judge when the youngest Wayne unsheathed his sword. This will retract points from next week’s challenge.

Steph and Jason both prepared pizza but the burnt edges on Steph’s are not a good sign.

As usual, Barbara, Kate and Dick remain on top each with a different type of dish.

Eliminated: Stephanie Brown.

Week 5 - All things Potatoes

So many variations, so many uses. Potatoes were brought by the participants in very creative ways now that we are in the middle of the competition.

Damian won this week’s challenge with an effortless and exquisite scalloped potatoes. Who knew he had this much talent to cook in him?

However, repetitive and boring dishes cost the top to our usual favourites. Only one dish that was presented in the form of French fries left out judge sighing and not in a good way.

Eliminated: Jason Todd.

Week 6 - Bake Off Part 1: Cookies

Baking is the most difficult part of being a chef. And the contestants found out the hard way.

Barbara delivered some ginger cookies she used to bake every Christmas at home, putting her at the top of this week’s challenge.

Kate and Dick barely handled their cookies not crumbling all over the place. But our two last competitors lost track of time: one got the cookies in too early and the other got them out too late. Raw or burnt?

Eliminated: Duke Thomas.

Week 7 - Bake Off Part 2: Dessert

In this week’s challenge, freedom to choose was once again granted. The only condition was to prepare a dessert that needed baking.

Dick’s strawberry cheesecake won over the judge’s palate since this recipe is something he seems to prepare quite often for his partner at home.

Damian had a good week with an Arab recipe for a Harissa, while Barbara’s brownies were out of this world. Kate however, seemed to made the mistake of using salt instead of sugar.

Eliminated: Kate Kane.

Week 8 - Bake Off Part 3: Pastries

Remaining top three in this competition and the first of the last two challenges is here. One of the most if not the biggest challenge for a baker: pastries.

This challenge was met with the best results of the contest so far. All three pastries were made almost to perfection.

Damian decided to go for something simple but effective, a cream puff. While Dick chose a chocolate croissant and Barbara Classic Éclairs.

A minor technicality should about all of this should decide the final two. And that is, the croissant was not bathed with egg wash and therefore lacked glaze.

Eliminated: Dick Grayson.

FINAL WEEK - Worthy of a Gala Dinner

As our two finalists enter the final round of the competition, our judge congratulates all the past participants for their ability to NOT burn his kitchen in the process.

This week’s challenge is meant to be the most exciting and stressful of them all. Our two finalists have to prepare an entree, main course and dessert worthy of a Gala for the Wayne Foundation.

All these weeks have been a preparation for this.

Damian and Barbara went their different directions to get this done. Barbara going for a classic approach and Damian having to adjust his dishes to his vegetarian style.

Here are the final dishes prepared by each participant:

Damian Barbara

Entree Tabbouleh Antipasto platter.

(Middle Eastern salad)

Main Meat-free Moussaka. Creamy salmon with

(Middle Eastern dish) roasted potatoes.

Dessert Lemon Carlota. Tiramisu with ice cream.

Damian’s dishes are a clear result of his heritage, the love he has for it, and discipline to learn new abilities and skills like he was always taught. His start in this competition was bumpy, but after assessing his mistakes he knew what he needed in order to succeed.

Barbara’s dishes are the result of years of helping out around the house when his father had to stay extra hours helping Gotham and learning how to do things on her own. She maintained her top profile throughout the competition, defining how a good and deserving competitor looks like.

Both of them clearly deserve the title.

So, for this time, and this time only, the winner of MasterChef: Batfamily Edition is…

[hurricane-heatt]

47 and 69 please for the mash-up game :) ship is up to you!!

questioning orders

flirting under fire + not a date - landoscar

apologies for this taking so long! hope u like it:)

“Would you consider this a date?”

A glass smashes somewhere in the house, and Oscar tucks behind the pillar. He slides against it as far as he can allow, without taking a step. Head down, aerodynamic.

“No.” He calls out, then skids on his knees to the opposite pillar, tucks behind it, clutches the pistol that’s half tucked in his boot. A flurry of steps, and Norris is in the same room he is, always a good listener.

“Nothing about this is romantic.”

Norris stands up straight from where he’s peering at the other pillar, and if he were a dog his ears would be right up, listening, waiting.

“No? I find it very romantic. The chase, not the killing part.”

Of course he would, because he’s a fucking weirdo. That wasn’t on the character profile, but you can sense a vibe. You’re not meant to sense a vibe, Mark tells him, you’re meant to just carry out what’s being asked of you.

“Although I could be convinced on the latter.”

Yeah. It’s only human to sense a vibe.

Norris taps his foot as if he’s late for something, like Oscar’s avoidance of dying is holding him up.

“This isn’t fair. Let’s do this cowboy style.” Oscar takes a run for it as Norris is distracted with his dramatics, flinging himself down the hallway and into the adjacent room. He thinks he hears a mumbled ‘fuck,’ but he couldn’t be too sure.

In here, there’s nowhere to duck under that doesn’t seem like a child’s game of hide and seek. He swings the AR-15 from where it’s strapped on his back, ready to aim. Norris doesn’t come in.

Oscar, at present, has his finger on the trigger while desperately trying to think of a comeback to ‘cowboy style.’ Most of the ones he comes up with fall flat. That’s what they say, about Lando Norris. He’s quick with his words and far too skilled with a blade.

Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight and yet, it still feels like Norris has the upper hand.

He shouldn’t let himself be intimated by words, all Norris’ barking and no biting. But ‘cowboy style’ has truly stumped him. He suppresses a smile with the phrase repeating in his head, adjusts his position, and moves slowly towards the doorframe.

He settles for, “Let’s make this quick.”

Oscar means it. They’ve been running around the ‘safe’ house for what seems like hours. In reality, it’s probably only twenty minutes, but the moments of held breath under coffee tables and behind curtains really slows things down.

His marks aren’t usually like this - evasive, witty. A pain in the arse. But then, they aren’t often trying to kill Oscar too.

There’s a sound of clattering and another mumble from over on the right side. He turns his attention to that side, but then something hits between his shoulder blades, and now he’s on the floor with a thump that’s going to bruise his forearms.

“Hah.”

God, he’s annoying. Oscar’s kicking and fighting but Norris has an elbow down on his back, and is keeping Oscar’s legs apart by putting the pressure of his own knees on the crease between his ass and thigh. It’s slightly painful, even through the body armour.

He’s aggressively aware of the rifle against his chest, but knows not trigger it with a bump or anything stupid like that. He rolls his shoulder, must hit Norris in the face where he’s trying to keep him still, and so he manages to roll over while Lando winces for just a moment, before pinning him back, face upward.

“Ow, you prick.”

Oscar could laugh. His rifle is knocked to the side now but Norris doesn’t carry a gun, famously so. It’s the knives he’s got that are stressing him out, now. Don’t bring a fist to a knife fight, maybe?

Lando strips a blade from its sheath at his side, tips it under Oscar’s chin. The steel is clean and cold. “Shame, really. We worked well together.”

Miami. It’s all hushed up, all secrets that are redacted on official files in thick black boxes. Whenever Oscar tries to recall it, he only finds his head swimming with memories of blood, all over the getaway car’s creamy leather seats.

For a while, so many at the firm thought Lando was dead. Oscar wasn’t one of them.

Alas, alive, Lando’s got his knees around Oscar’s waist, and would be straddling him if he lowered his hips. There’s no way Oscar can move without the tip of the knife going straight through his chin and into his mouth. Blood on his tongue.

Read file. Norris is a fireball, a quick-eyed agent, a terrible enemy.

Terrible in the way that he’s clever, always knows what to say and do. The firm has been trying to pin him down for years, mostly for the secrets that they know he knows. Lando Norris, primary agent, most trusted.

Now, they don’t give anyone that title.

“Do you miss it?” Oscar asks, because he can, breathing shallowly as Lando leers over him.

Lando’s curls are tipped forwards on his head, looking down at Oscar. His tanned face has lashes of scars at the edge of his face, tinted pink where the skin hasn’t crawled back over properly. He looks older and younger all at once, blinking in the low light.

He just shrugs in response, knife staying perfectly still. “You were a good partner, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m not.”

“You should.”

Lando’s eyes are wide, hazel with flecks of green and blue, like twinkling stars in blackened nights. Oscar breathes slowly.

There was always something about him, about them together. Something unspoken in the dead of night, as they stayed on lookout in the darker parts of cities. Fingertips almost touching one another, the shiver of the other’s hand when one pulls away to flick the CCTV angles.

But here, Lando’s got a knife resting next to his jaw, and scars covering his face, and a trickle of blood from where he’s nicked himself on the side of a table, probably. It’s a world away from what they knew.

Oscar works solo now, has done since that night in Miami. He swallows thickly.

“Do you miss me?”

A beat. Before Oscar can read his expression, Lando dips his head and meets Oscar’s mouth with his own, lips as gentle as the first time.

This could be the moment Oscar utilises. He can practically hear Mark shouting, do it, reach for it, kill him. Finish him off, finally. He should do it, go for the kill, get this over with so he can go home and be at peace.

Bu, Oscar can’t find it in himself , as he pushes his head upwards to deepen the kiss, to let Lando’s tongue lick into his mouth, hot and slick and desperate. It’s urgent, the fervour with which Lando’s pressing into him, like one taste isn’t enough. Like they’ve both been waiting centuries for it.

His hands find Lando’s arms and he jolts back, suddenly, clutching for the knife that he’d flung to the floor. He’s pinned again, Lando’s vice-like grip and sharp knees.

“No, no, I’m not- it’s fine,” Oscar pants breathlessly. Lando looks so beautiful above him, something devilishly holy, his lips wet and red. There’s fear laced in every inch of his tanned skin.

“I’m not going to do that.”

Lando blinks again, this time with concern. “Why not? I’m your target.”

Oscar snorts, remembers the rusted inscription he read in his Miami hotel room, as he sat covered in blood with a pounding headache, alone for the first time in years. The knife was resting on his side of the room, his twin bed, where the other was desolately empty. A skeleton of a life between them.

Oscar, famously, never carried a knife. They were always two halves, the gunman and the blade.

When he’d picked it up, it was cold and silver and ergonomic to a hand that wasn’t his.

“Everything’s changed,” he repeats, the words he’s managed to keep for himself despite the interrogation. The mantra.

Lando’s eyes widen with recognition. On his upper arm, Lando’s hand grips tight, then releases, knowing.

The flood of regret never comes. They’ll figure it out, the firm. He has a feeling Mark knew all along, indulged in his game of pretending it was for the honour, for the agency.

It’s only ever been for Lando Norris.

“Should we get an Uber, then?” he says with a grin, and Oscar could kiss him all over again.

[theastrical]

you’re the only one who understands

what is it like to say goodbye to your partner without saying goodbye?

kaeya x reader

implied major character death, sudden death, teenage angst

notes: please listen to keshi-understand while reading this!! I promise you won’t regret it <3

it was around 7pm. sitting in front of your laptop, your eyes already red, probably from the exhaustion at your university….or maybe, the expectation to greet kaeya at this certain time, while you both have been in this long distance relationship for a while.

you texted him, expecting him to immediately reply, knowing that would happened, it’s currently evening in his area and he’s a night-owl at that, evening is his awakening if you might titled him.

“wanna facetime?”, you send him the text. you were already smiling by that time, just seeing his profile picture or his chat, makes your day…a much better hell.

i expected it, he’s online now…hmm and he’s typing! i wonder if he put my contacts exclusively outside his do not disturb notifications…well, we can wonder?

kaeya called…i guess he immediately knows it’s time, huh?

“hey..”, his voice raspy; sweet i thought. Though it’s weird that he’s tired, it’s still 9pm in his timezone.

“Why so tired”, a gap of silence, maybe he fell asleep?…or maybe his eyes are already sticky enough that it could easily closed down. “…hmm, a bit.”

“you sound raspy, ironic, you’ve always been the one to remind me to drink my water.”

“hey, even that reminder can be exhausted”. He sighs, you can imagine that he’s doing the facetime exactly in his bed, while all of his caffeine products are everywhere around the floor. Kaeya is nowhere near the word clean. He chuckles slightly, continuing his words with question. “Hey, when will you comeback?”

“i don’t know, summer break maybe?”, unsure, worried, and excited. Three emotions in combine, maybe he misses you?

“chonky misses you…and...that applies to me as well.” dang i miss chonky, his cat, his big chonky cat that always purr whenever a stranger pet him. He has no survival skill for sure.

“what? Why? you’ve always texted and facetime me as well..chonky should’ve been the only one to miss me, not you, silly.”

“i need somebody to talk to..”

“you can always text me.”

“no, like real person. Like you and me.”

“you make it complicated kae.”

“fine”, he sighs. You replied, trying your best to assure him despite how much of a bitch that sounds before. “sorry, i know you must’ve been lonely. Diluc says you’ve been bed rotting all day long.”

“Dang, he must’ve worked for you.”, he finally chuckles.

yet he continued his questions, he always been one to prey over small details.

“say, what if i’m going to another place tomorrow? Will you…just say, visit me before i leave..?”

“why not?”, he heard that word and chuckles. “Just say yes or no, please?”, with your ego out of this world, you mumble a quiet…”sigh…yes, i will..”

“then if i go tomorrow? Will you visit me?”

“where?”

“hmmm wanna make a guess?”

“Univ?”

“better”

“New job across the town?”

“even better”

“Fuck i don’t know kae..just tell me already.”

“It’s a secret, just come back already…i miss you so much.”, he chuckles while opening his camera. You can see how he smirks like a childish moron. “If you come back home, i promise i’ll let you see chonky with his tie again.”

“that’s a hard thing to resist urgh!!! Fine i’ll come back tomorrow, i think my siblings won’t mind my existence till next week. I’m free after all..” , you tell him while opening your camera as well and give him the picture of you just moving around the bedroom, you’re currently tidying up your place while in the call. “promise me you will okay? I have a surprise, you’ll love it”, he gives you the small sighting of a…present. A red box. “It’s for your late birthday, sorry i’m not much of a good boyfriend it seems”, he say that before closing down his camera and giggles like a maniac.

“you don’t have to act romantic in order to love me you know, let me thank you properly with a templated paragraph hahaha.”

“idiot.”, he replied shortly, you know he’s happy and that makes you all smiley. Your cheeks are red, yet he doesn’t seem to care for it…cause if he cares, then you would hide it from him. “I’ll end it now okay? I wanna sleep..chonky is being a rascal for making me run to catch him.” , you laugh, you know he’s tired so you just made a muffled “hmm”, before he says,

“i’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight..” he gives off a smooch and end it. You send an emoji to his chat instead. A white love emoji.

[name] 10.12pm : bye kaeya, love you.

he read it.

kaeya 10.18pm : 🤍

ring…ring…ring…

Kaeya? I’m here. Sorry i’m late…

ring…ring….

ring…ring….

kaeya?

your phone is ringing kaeya. Pick it up. I’m here, please call me back.

ring…ring…

20 miss calls from [name] 🤍

kaeya?

why are you so quiet?

It’s not like we’re distant.

i might forget to drink my water now.

I’ll miss you.

And i wish to understand you better,

before you eventually say goodnight to me.

you’ll always stay 21 forever now kae, but i’ll keep celebrating your birthday, even if nobody remembers you anymore.

notification: Today is kaeya’s 30th birthday, do you want to celebrate it? 🎉🎁

taglist: @esthelily @indarius @n0tamused @sangoqueenkoko @voidlesslove @lyralibra @eroxotckv @rikasurl @dailypenpen @daydreaming-paradies

to be included in the taglist, send me ur @ via askbox.

[sad-scarred-sassy]

Elain exasperated, telling Feyre just how mistaken whoever made Lucien her mate was.

“He is insufferable, I cannot have one moment of peace when he’s around” Shes pacing in her little garden, Feyre holding Nyx in her lap while seated in a bench, listening to her sister. “He always has a comeback to everything I say” She throws her hands, palms up in exasperation as she continues pacing, eyes on the ground. “He’s cocky, he thinks he’s so smart and smug, with his… stupid smile” Images of his white teeth, pointy canines and lopsided smirk flash through her mind. “He thinks he can get me, thinks he knows me, he doesn’t know the first thing about me” She says to Feyre and her sister just shakes her head in agreement. “He’s always studying me…” She sees his infuriatingly cunning eyes, one of rust one of metal staring at her with long lowered lashes. “Assessing me like I’m some… prey” That glance she caught him throwing at her more than once, as if he was taking her all in, eating her up from head to toe. “He’s shameless, the words he uses” She feels her cheeks heat up a bit when she remembers how he had talked to her now that his gentleman act was gone. Now that he had learned what things get inside her skin. “He’s nothing more than a rake” She tells her sister and she nods quickly in agreement as his words flood her mind like thunderstorm. ‘If you don’t believe my gentleman act, Elain, you’ll be glad to know I don’t believe your proper lady act either’ He had told her a few hours ago in one of their latest heated exchanges. “He thinks he can seduce me with his wicked ways, with his big mouth” And plump lips. “His ridiculous hair” Always looking perfect as if he had been born like that. She scoffs and Feyre shakes her head again, Nyx scoffing too. ‘Find me when you’re finally ready to admit you cannot endure a second longer without me touching you’ He had said making her face light up in crimson heat as he breathed on her ear. ‘Rake’ She had managed to say. He had just chuckled. ‘Oh, I can show you how much of a rake I can be, my lady.’

“Elain?” Feyre snaps Elain’s attention back to the present moment. Her cheeks are still heating. She shakes her head.

“They made a mistake” She says again. “Whoever decided this, decided that he–“ She points at the house even though Lucien is no longer there. “Was to be my mate. We can’t be more incompatible. He brings out the worst in me… all I wanna do is slap him–“ Flashes of his soft smile invade her. “Yell at him” His broad hands trapping her hands and holding her up when she slipped on the frozen ground past winter make her stomach tighten. “He’s unpredictable” His broad back to her, dressed in fighting gear and his hair bound by a scrap of leather enthrall her all of a sudden. “I want him as far away from me-“ Him and his intoxicating, overwhelming smell of citrus, wood and a hint of cinnamon. “As physically possible” An image of his hard bare body, pressed onto hers, hips moving in a sinful rythm, take over her mind, images of a dream that haunt her more nights than she likes to admit. Slow touching of hands, sounds so unholy she could not understand how her mind could come up with something like that. Her nails on his broad back, the muscles on his frame rippling under them, the feeling of belonging, of contentment, of utter satisfaction possessing her whole…

She suddenly remembers Feyre and Nyx are both still there, when she brings her eyes towards her sister’s cooled, knowing stare and she realizes for once, just how screwed she actually is.

[enchantedgrunge]

💖 Snapshot (Idol!Hyunlix x Reader) 💖

Chapter One - The Beginning - MDNI

Paring: Idol!Lee Felix x Reader x Idol!Hyunjin (Some Hyunlix action)

Word Count: 1.6k (I hope this isn’t too long!) 🫣

Warnings: I don’t think there are many maybe cursing? And some feelings of being too much for people?? Please let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Hello! This is my first ever written out fan fiction and I hope that it does well and is received well. Also, I am really bad a synopsis or intros so I will not be including one of those for this! If I do end up writing one, I will include it at that point and time! Enjoy! :) Oh, I want to note that Y/N speaks Korean fluently so everything she says to the kids is in Korean! If something is said in English, I will show that by having it bolded and italicized. Also, I refer to the group of them as “the kids” quite often! Let me know in a comment or an ask if you want to be a part of the taglist! Current no smut is present in this but there will be in the future MDNI ONLY. If I cannot find your age on your account, I will most likely block you! Thanks for understanding!

*Y/N POV*

You had been working as a photographer in Seoul, SK for about 2 years. You mostly did freelance photography and some bigger gigs, enough to make a name for yourself. You started to work with a few fashion brands in the past few months but nothing ever stuck or felt right. You were job hunting when you noticed JYPE was looking for a new traveling photographer / videographer for one of their KPOP groups. The name was not disclosed due to privacy reasons and wanting only serious applicants.

“Oi what the hell?” You said as you filled out the application sending over your resume as well as your portfolio. Little did you know, you were already under consideration for the position due to Bang Chan having found your work on Instagram and brought your photos to JYP saying he liked the style and thinks it would fit well for them and their next comeback.

A few days later you received an email from JYPE offering you the position you applied for and inviting you to an in-person interview. You stare at the screen in shock for a few moments unsure if this is really happening. You laugh to yourself and quickly type out a reply and scheduling your interview for the next day at 10am.

The next day comes and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You got dressed in a white sweater with a plaid pair of pants that fit your curves. You added a bag and a pair of sneakers since you do have to walk to the JYPE building.

(Y/N is a bit curvier than this in my head but feel free to picture them differently)

You arrive at the building and are greeted by a receptionist. “Hello, can I help you?” she asked with a soft smile. Her soft features were a welcoming sight. You gave a warm smile back as well, “Hi, yes my name is y/n and I am here for an interview.” The receptionist typed something into her computer and nodded. “Yes ma’am, I will let them know you are here, they will be out momentarily.” You needed and sat down in the lobby looking at your phone occasionally trying to control your breathing and doing a few calming techniques you have learned. A man comes down the hall he has a stern expression but just seems more serious rather than mean. “Hello, Mrs. Y/L/N?” You stand up and smile at the stranger, “Yes hello” you bow politely and then shake the man’s hand. “My name is Yeo-sun, but you can call me Yeo.” He leads you down a long hallway to an interview room.

“So, I am going to get right to the point Y/N, we want you to be a photographer and videographer for the KPOP group Stray Kids, have you heard of them?” Your mouth falls open momentarily before you nod. “Yes, I have they’re one of my favorites.” He nods and smiles, “Good that means you will be up to date on a lot of their information, but we still have some prepared. Basically, just a list of likes and dislikes when it comes to photos as well as video aspects.” You nod and continue to discuss the position, and everything involved, including the fact that you would be living in the same space as the kids. However, you would have your own dorm and bathroom, but you would just share common spaces like a living room and kitchen. This was to make it easier for you to film behind the scenes content as well as help with live streams and any other aspects the guys needed help in. This was also a bit of a PA job which you noticed. You could not turn down this opportunity and it honestly seemed like a fun time; you just hoped the kids were as nice in person as they seemed online.

“Are you ready to start today?” Yeo asked and you nodded. “I left my camera at home but if you have equipment for me to use, I’d be more than happy to start today.” You said as you fiddled with the strap of your bag and Yeo smiled at you kindly. “We have plenty of equipment but once you move here you will be welcome to use your own equipment.” Yeo said before standing from the conference table “follow me.”

Yeo led you out from the room and went down to the dance studio explaining to you this is where the guys should be at this time. You braced yourself giving yourself a small pep talk before you both walk into the studio. The lights are dimmed some, but Yeo turns them up making the 8 men in front of you stop what they are doing.

“Oi Yeo-Hyun why the sudden assault” the aussie leader you know as Bang Chan laughed. “Ah, good to see you too Chan, this is Y/N the new photographer and videographer.” Chan walked up to greet you. “Oh! Glad to see everyone took my advice! Hi Y/N, big fan of your work, I recommended you to the staffing agents” Chan said with a bright smile that was contagious, you found yourself smiling brightly as well. “Oh, you’ve seen my work? That is so kind of you. I am also a fan of your work.” You said with a smile causing the others to laugh and Chan’s ears to go a bit red.

“Hi I’m Han!” The man bounded over and shook your hand smiling brightly. You loved his smile; it was something you admired about him from afar. Each of the guys came up to greet you, you expected a lot of hugs and laughs which you got. However, the one person you expected to be the touchiest barely shook your hand. Lee Felix. “Hello, I’m Felix, you can call me Felix or Yongbok like some of the other members do.” He said simply and did a little bow as he shook your hand. “Hi, I’m Y/N as stated” you giggled softly at his formality, but he shied away and stood back by his members. “I hope you all come to trust me, since I will be with you and living in the same area as you.” You laughed and so did the others as they all sat down to take a breather from dancing. You looked over and grabbed some bottles from the fridge before handing them out to the guys. “Ah! Y/N you didn’t have to do that!” Chan laughed but took the bottle chugging it as they all did. You smiled brightly and just laughed fidgeting with the camera Yeo had given you before he left.

You sat down on the couch as the kids began to practice again. They were practicing for the new comeback, one you had only heard about via twitter. You were smiling and bobbing along to the music that you had not heard before. You hummed quietly and began to move around the practice space taking some behind the scenes photos that the boys could post on bubble or that could be posted as teasers for a practice room video.

*Felix POV*

He couldn’t keep his eyes off you, he was trying but it was hard. He watched as you moved around the studio taking photos and laughing when the other members interacted with you. It was like you had been with them since the beginning laughing and joking around with one another. You were beautiful. God, he was worried about showing affection to you like the other members. He normally didn’t think much about his preference to skinship, but that was before yesterday. He had overheard some other staff speaking about his over affection and how it made them uncomfortable. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do to someone. He knows what it’s liked to be uncomfortable when someone is touching or hugging on you, and it broke his heart that he made someone feel that way. So, he decided would just stay back and watch and be nice but not overly friendly.

*Y/N POV*

You felt accepted and safe with the kids despite being there for maybe 3-4 hours. The kids really made you laugh and feel like you were friends for years, however, something you didn’t expect was the distance Felix was keeping from you. You had always thought he was the most affectionate person, having talked about skinship and being one to show it more than others. He was always seen cuddling, hugging and touching the members and honestly it hurt a bit that he wasn’t that way with you. Did he not like you? Did you make a bad first impression? You tried to be respectful and kind, hopefully it was just new person jitters. Your thoughts began to spiral as you were thinking of all the mistakes you could have made.

“Hey Y/N are you a stay?” You hear Jeongin’s laugh, and it broke you out of your downward spiral of thoughts. You smiled up at him, since you were now sitting on the floor after getting some cool shots of the kids dancing. “Oh yeah I am, I’ve been following you guys since your debut.” You laugh feeling your face heat up a bit as they all look at you a bit shocked. “I uhm, really enjoy all of the work you guys put into keeping stays happy.” Your ears began to heat as Jeongin’s laugh broke your thoughts again. His smile so big his eyes were almost closed. “Oh, that's good!” he said as he sat down on the couch chuckling to himself.

Minho sat up from his position laying on the floor “Who is your bias then?” he asked with a smirk as your cheeks flared again so much you felt the flush going up your neck. “Ah I don’t think I should really talk about that.” You said getting nervous as you played with the setting on the camera again trying to stop blushing. “Ah come on Y/N pleaseeeeeeee tell us?” Han whined throwing you a bit of puppy eyes. You laughed and shook your head looking around and realizing this was going to be a fun job.

･ﾟPrevious [✦] Next [✧] Master List ･ﾟ

🩵🤍💖 Tag-list 💖🤍🩵

@telesvng

@soulphoenix1618

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@pullingateachotherlikemagnets​

[p-artsypants]

The Last Flying Grayson

  While out on duty, Robin sees a billboard that chills his soul. ‘Haly’s Circus 3000 Phoenix Tour, coming to Jump City at the end of June!’ Not long after, Mr. Haly reaches out to the Titans for a favor.

Ao3 | FF.net

“I’m beat!” Cyborg lamented, slouching forward. “I hate chasing Mumbo. He’s annoying and he turned my car into a wind up toy.” 

“I’m right here,” said Mumbo, returned to his old man form. “Not much of a crime spree if I stay in one place, is it?” 

“Man, shut up!” 

“It’s alright Cyborg,” Robin patted his back. “Let’s drop Mumbo off with the police and then we can pick up some pizza for din—” as he spoke, he turned to look at their favorite pizza place, only to see a large Billboard next to it. 

Haly’s Circus 3000! 

Phoenix Tour!

Coming end of June! 

He stood frozen. Suddenly confronting his past like this was not something he was prepared for. 

“Hey, you okay?” Asked Cyborg. “You look paler than usual.” 

“Yeah dude, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” 

He tore his gaze away from the billboard and looked back at his team. This was his present, and that was his past. There was no reason he couldn’t stop in and say hello, but there was no use lingering on it. “I’m fine. I just…suddenly realized how much paperwork I had to do.” 

“Oh Robin, you must not lock yourself up in that office!” Starfire cried. 

“Yeah dude! It’s movie night!” 

“I’ll do the paperwork on the kitchen table, how about that?” 

Beast Boy and Starfire cheered. 

As they carried Mumbo off to the car, Raven caught Robin taking one last look at the billboard. 

She knew more than the others.

She had been inside his head and saw his memories. It was brief, but she saw it. Whether or not this ‘Haly’s Circus 3000’ was the same one from his memories, she didn’t know. But it wasn’t her place to ask. 

—-

Robin’s past came back to haunt him a few days later. 

They were all gathered in the ops room, playing a card game together and hanging out, just being teens. 

“Ha!” Beast Boy put down a card with a tornado on it. “I bet none of you nerds can beat that!” 

Cyborg groaned. “Man, I had a lightning storm! I was certain I had it!” 

“I got nothing,” said Raven. 

“I, as well, have nothing to beat the tornado.” 

“Well well well, looks like Beast Boy is cleaning up!” 

“Not so fast, Grass Stain,” Robin taunted. “I still have one card.” 

Beast Boy gasped. “You would not.” 

Robin slammed the card down onto the pile. “Meteor shower! Read it and weep!” 

“Noooo! That’s three games in a row! How do you keep winning!?” 

“Let’s just say lady luck is a personal friend of mine.” 

“You have a lady friend named ‘Luck’?” Starfire asked, a pout on her face. 

“Relax Star, it’s just an expression.” 

“Then…perhaps we can play once more and I can befriend this Lady of Luck?” 

“Nah, I’m done,” said Beast Boy. “I got my butt kicked on the field enough times this week, I don’t need it kicked in my own home.” 

The big screen came to life with an unknown caller number on it.

“Ohhh unknown caller? How much do you want to bet it’s a salesman?” 

Robin’s jovial mood plummeted as butterflies erupted in his stomach. He had a feeling. “I don’t think it’s a salesman,” he said, subdued. He rose, and answered it. 

A portly man with a curly mustache wearing a striped shirt appeared on the screen. A big smile came over his face. “Robin! Good to see you, lad!” 

Of course he knew. ‘Robin’ and ‘Boy Wonder’ had been nicknames from the circus. His uniform was nearly the same too. Not to mention the death defying stunts he performed while crime fighting. It wouldn’t be that hard for anyone from Haly’s to piece it together. But, since Haly’s left Gotham and promised to never return, he hadn’t been concerned. Now, he was. 

“Mr. Haly,” he greeted with a nod. 

“I don’t want to take up much of your time. I’m sure you and your team are very busy.” 

“Busy losing at cards,” Beast Boy grumbled. 

“What do you need?” Robin asked. 

“I’m not sure if you heard, but we’re having a comeback tour, and next month, we’re coming to Jump City!” 

“I saw the billboard.” 

“Oh good! I had hoped that advertising was working. I had an idea. We used to do these charity nights where we had special benefactors sponsor us, and all ticket sales would go to the benefactor’s chosen charity.” 

Of course he remembered. It was why Bruce Wayne had been there the night that—

Robin assumed, “and you were hoping the Titans could sponsor a show?” 

“That’s right! Of course, you would all be considered guests of honor and get VIP seats. But, if it’s not in the budget, I’d understand.” 

“I’m sure we can make that happen,” Robin smiled. This conversation was going smoother than he expected. It seemed like Haly was being considerate enough to not assume everyone else knew who he was. 

“And…I have a personal favor to ask.” 

There it was. “What’s that?”

“I was wondering if you could find someone for me. You see, our circus has many new acts, and some old faces too, but…the Flying Graysons were still the greatest. I was hoping you could find Richard, the Last Flying Grayson, and see if he has it in his heart to perform as a special act. Just one night, as an homage to his parents. Is that something you could do for me?” 

Robin was quiet for far too long before he agreed, “yeah, I’ll find him and ask.” 

“Excellent. I know this is rather short notice. We’re planning on coming in two weeks, with the first show at the end of June. We were hoping you’d sponsor the show on June 27.” 

“June 27th, huh?” There was no hiding the grief in his voice. 

“Unless you’d prefer another day.” 

“I’ll make it happen, Mr. Haly.” 

“Wonderful! Wonderful! Let him know he can reach me at this number once he knows what he’ll need for his act. I can’t wait for you to see how the show looks now!” 

Robin’s throat felt tight. “Is Zitka still there?” 

“Of course! Fat on peanuts, but she’s still beautiful.” 

Robin couldn’t help but smile. “Great to hear. We’ll see you in a few weeks then.” 

“See you!” And the call ended. 

“Soooo…” Beast Boy grinned. “Who was that?” 

“An old friend,” Robin said vaguely. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but knew if he made a big deal about not wanting to talk about it then they’d pry and pry and pry until he talked about it! 

“That’s obvious,” said Cyborg. “But what’s the story!? You know circus people?” 

Robin swallowed. “They performed in Gotham City for a time. I knew them from my time there.” Half a lie. “I owe Haly a favor.” That was the truth. 

“Man, you have the coolest experiences from working with Batman and you never talk about them!” 

He scoffed, “like the 22 times Two-Face robbed the Second National Bank of Gotham of all its 2 dollar bills? Yeah, real exciting stuff.” 

“Please,” began Starfire, “this sir-cuss is a performance, like theater?” 

“Sort of,” Robin smiled. “Circuses travel from city to city, and perform in big tents. There’s big animals, strong men, clowns, all sorts of performers.” 

“And who is this Zitka and why is she full of peanuts?”

“She’s an elephant.” 

“Cool! Robin’s friends with an elephant!” Cyborg smiled. 

“UM HELLO? You all are!” Beast Boy morphed into an elephant. 

Cyborg grabbed his trunk. “I meant a real elephant, dummy!” 

Beast boy shifted back, rubbing his nose. “So what is he having you do? Something about finding a performer? A Flying Grayson?”  

He was afraid of this. It was too close. He had to play it cool, pretend it was nothing. He was removed from the situation, and none of it mattered. 

Or he could tell them the whole truth.

Nononononono no. No. Not happening. 

“The Flying Graysons…were the headliner. A family of trapeze artists,” he began. “Gotham is full of crazies like the Joker and Two-Face, yes, but it also has a lot of mafia activity. An extortionist threatened Haly, and when Haly didn’t pay up, the thug messed with the rigging to The Flying Graysons’ act.” Robin swallowed harshly. “John and Mary Grayson…f-fell. Their son, Richard, survived.” He sighed. “I saw it happen. It was…pretty traumatic.” 

“What of the foul man that committed the crime?” Starfire asked. 

“Batman and I beat him up and threw him in jail.” 

“So, I guess this Richard guy owes you a favor, huh?” Beast Boy smirked. 

“I suppose.” 

“Need any help tracking him down?” Offered Cyborg. 

“Nah, I know where to find him.” 

“I don’t know dude,” Beast Boy wondered. “If my parents died in an accident like that, I’d never touch the trapeze again. Is he still practicing?” 

“Not exactly, but he can do it.” Robin headed for the door. “I’m going to go ahead and reach out to him. Have fun with your cards.” 

As he departed and was alone, his shoulders sagged heavily and the tears started to well up. “Not yet,” he whispered. 

He walked swiftly towards his room, only to be halted by Raven appearing from the floor. 

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked.

“About what?” Sooth.

“Robin, I’ve been in your head. I saw your memories. I don’t know the details, but that fall that you witnessed was a prominent memory.”

He had almost forgotten that she had read his mind. Raven was considerate enough to not do it very often to people.  

“I’m fine, and I don’t need to talk about anything,” he said sternly, walking past her. Then he felt a wave of guilt, because Raven, the one friend who was the least likely to reach out, was concerned. “But thanks for the offer.” 

—-

The next few weeks were quiet. Robin shared no more information about the Circus. He never said if he found Richard Grayson. In fact, he didn’t say much at all. He spent most of his days in his room. He admitted that he had been working in his office a lot of late nights, so he was taking naps during the downtime of the day. 

One night at dinner, Beast Boy asked a question that Robin dreaded. “So…I was walking past your room, and I heard a sewing machine?” 

Robin nearly dropped his fork. 

“What’s all that about?” 

Robin gnawed the inside of his cheek. “I’m working on a new costume.” 

Starfire nearly floated out of her chair. “Are you becoming Nightwing?!” 

“No, not quite,” he smiled at her enthusiasm. “I’m just…making a prototype.” Another lie. 

“Can we see it?” Cyborg asked. 

“When I’m done, I’ll show you.” Not a lie! 

—-

Soon, the date arrived. 

Robin banked on the fact that Beast Boy was too preoccupied by games to notice what he was wearing. Just in case, we wore a trench coat over his new costume. 

“Beast Boy, I have to leave early for the show, but I’m leaving your guys’ tickets on the counter with instructions.” 

“Okay Robby, see you later!” Beast Boy didn’t even turn around. 

Robin, the Boy Wonder, exited the tower, and Richard Grayson, the Last Flying Grayson, entered Jump City. 

—-

Hours later, the Titans assembled in the ops room, preparing to leave.

“Hey, where’s Robin?”

“Oh, he left hours ago,” Beast Boy said easily. “But I think he left a note around here somewhere…”

“You mean this?” Raven picked up the paper that was very clearly right in front of them. 

“Haha…yeah…” 

“Dear Titans, I went early to pick up Mr. Grayson. I have left your tickets for you. Your seat numbers are on them. Don’t wait for me, I will meet up with you during the show. Love, Robin.” 

“He can be so sweet,” Starfire smiled. 

“Yeah yeah, bunnies and flowers, can we go? I’m starving!” 

“Oh yeah baby! Carnival food!” 

“This isn’t a carnival, it’s a circus,” Raven corrected. 

“I hope they have popcorn! No! Pretzels!” 

“Whatever they have, I hope it’s deep fried and delicious!” 

They piled in the T-Car and made their way out to the edge of town. From even a few miles away, they could see the massive red and white tent, alight with search lights. 

“Whoa…” Beast Boy gawked. 

“Oh this is most exciting! Such an event on Tamaran would include the beheading of a shnerkel! Will any animals have their heads placed on pikes?” 

“Uh…no.” Beat Boy looked ill. “The circus is a fun place with no maiming.” 

“Actually,” said Cyborg. “I think their whole thing is death-defying stunts. So doing dangerous things to inspire awe.”  

“Fascinating! I believe Robin called that ‘thrill seeking’?”

“Similar,” Said Raven. “Maybe you should just wait and see. It's hard to explain.” 

They drove up to the gate, where a man in a purple clown costume waited. “Good evening! You must be the Teen Titans! Robin saved you a parking spot up front. Go ahead.” 

“Awww Robin saved us a place so I don’t have to worry about my baby getting scratched!” Cyborg sniffed. “You’re right Star, he really can be sweet sometimes.” 

Starfire giggled while Beast Boy made a gagging sound. 

Cyborg parked up front, next to Robin’s motorcycle, and then they made their way to the entrance of the tent. They passed the ticket stand that had a sign up that stated ‘Sold out’. Next to the door was a huge poster of a silhouette of an acrobat swinging on a trapeze. The font read ‘One night only, The Last Flying Grayson!’ The song of a calliope rang through the air.

“Sounds like we picked the right show to sponsor,” Cyborg noted. 

The tent was massive, with seating all the way around. Four giant poles held up the tent, which was blue with stars on the inside. 

“Tickets please,” said a woman in a glittery leotard. 

Starfire handed them over. 

“Of course! You’re the Titans. You’ll be sitting in the VIP box, in section A.” She pointed to a spot in the bleachers that was raised up and out a little, presumably for the best view. 

“We should sponsor more events,” Beast Boy grinned. 

“Enjoy the show!” The woman smiled, handing back the tickets. 

As they crossed the tent, Cyborg got a whiff of the concession stand. “I’m gettin’ in the food line before it gets too long. Whatchu guys want?” 

“Oh! I would like a hot dog with a gratuitous amount of mustard!” Starfire licked her lips at the very idea. 

“I’ll wait in line with you Cy,” said Beast Boy. 

“Raavveeennnn,” Cyborg sang. “They have pretzels!” 

“My day is made,” she droned. 

Starfire and Raven went to their seats to wait for the boys. 

“Where do you think Robin is?” Starfire asked, standing to peer through the crowd. People were still arriving and the stands were filling. 

“Couldn’t say,” Raven shrugged. “Maybe he gets to help the Ringmaster or something.” 

Like she summoned him, her communicator buzzed. “Robin to Starfire, come in, Starfire.” 

“This is Starfire. Where are you?” 

“You’ll see me soon. I need a favor.” 

“Anything!” 

“When I give the signal, I need you to prepare a Tamaranean discus maneuver.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Just trust me.” 

“Alright, you know best. Where do you wish me to aim you?” 

“At the center ring, the stage right in front of you, at the very center.” 

“What signal?” 

“Eyes on deck.” 

“When?” 

“You’ll see me. Don’t worry. And relax! Enjoy the show!” And he ended the call. 

“Uh, that’s weird.” Raven quirked a brow. 

“I hope there is no trouble.” 

“He said not to worry. Maybe he’s helping Mr. Grayson out in his act?” 

“Oh that would be wonderful! Robin is very good at the flipping!” 

“Acrobatics,” Raven corrected. 

Soon enough, the boys returned with arms full of all manner of popcorn, pretzels, hot dogs, soda, and cotton candy. “A hot dog and pretzel, for the ladies,” Beast Boy juggled over the two items, as well as two sodas. 

“Where’s my cheese?” Raven asked. 

“You didn’t say you wanted any.”

“My day is ruined,” she droned. 

Then, the lights dimmed, and a drumroll silenced all chatter. 

A spotlight illuminated a singular man in the center. The same portly, mustachioed man, wearing a red and gold suit with a top hat. “Ladies and gentlemen!” His voice carried throughout the tent. “Welcome to Haly’s Circus 3000! We would like to thank our generous benefactors for this special event, the Teen Titans!”

Another spotlight ignited on the group, unexpectedly, and they all smiled and waved awkwardly as the crowd applauded. 

“Tonight, you will witness performances the likes you’ve never seen! Prepare for awe, laughter, shock, and drama! Please, enjoy the show!”  

Sparklers ignited around the ring and the big band struck up a jaunty tune. From all the aisles came the performers. Clowns on stilts, women standing on horses, strong men carrying barrels, and even a bear on a unicycle. 

 Beast Boy shook Cyborg as he exploded with excitement. 

A man in a burgundy suit came to the center ring, holding a whip in one hand, and a giant hoop in the other. 

“Please direct your attention to the center ring, where you will see God’s mightiest creature come to heel. I present Marko, the Tiger Whisperer!” 

The audience cheered as the Ringmaster left. The man called Marko raised the hoop, and snapped his whip. 

From outside the tent came running a streak of black and orange. The tiger leapt into the ring, through the hoop, and skittered to a stop, like an overgrown puppy. 

The tamer pet his nose and fed him a treat. 

The audience and Titans watched with fascination as the tiger performed tricks that only extremely disciplined dogs could do. The act concluded with the tamer sticking his head in the tiger’s mouth. 

Starfire stood up with the crowd to applaud. 

Each act that followed was just as spectacular. 

There was a juggler that juggled flaming batons and chainsaws. A set of clowns bonked each other on the head with progressively larger and larger cartoonish hammers, and of course, the bear on the unicycle returned. 

“Does that give you fond memories, Cyborg?” Beast Boy joked. 

“It gives me memories alright. Fond? Not so much.”

“That bear is very talented!” Starfire cooed. 

“I’m surprised the unicycle hasn’t broken.” 

“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” called the Ringmaster once more, as the lights swirled over the audience. “The moment you’ve been looking forward to all night. A once in a lifetime opportunity. The living legacy himself! Performing high-flying death-defying stunts, 60 feet in the air, without the safety of a net, The Last Flying Grayson!” 

The spotlights turned and illuminated a young man, standing in the center ring. The haunting sound of an accordian playing a waltz filled the air. 

“Wait, is that–?” Beast Boy squinted. 

“It can’t be…” Cyborg gaped.

“But it must!” Starfire gleefully beamed. 

“No. Way.” 

The young man had black hair, styled into slicked back spikes. He wore a tight, sleeveless red tunic with yellow ties across the front. He had dark green tights, and a yellow sash instead of a utility belt. 

He had a sad smile on his mask-less face, along with face paint to make it look like he had a single tear on his cheek.

He bowed low, his arms back behind him. Then he flung back and flipped, once, twice, three times and landed on his feet. A swing, made of silk rope, descended down to him. He wrapped one side around his arm, and took measured steps in time with the music, until he broke into a run, and then twisted. He spun rapidly, gliding over the ground, and gradually raised into the air. The higher he raised, the more his body contorted, until he looked like he was twisted into a pretzel. It was all effortless, as his facial expression never changed. Just kept that look of bittersweet happiness. 

“How is he doing that?” Beast Boy asked as Robin held onto the loop with just one hand that reached between his legs while he did the splits. 

“I knew he was flexible, but…whoa.” 

A woman began to sing while he performed. A sad tune, haunting melody, and unknown words to everyone in the audience. 

Everyone, except Starfire. 

“Go, go child, go, you'll see, go.”

She knew these words were in a tongue that was not English, but she wasn’t sure how she knew them. Robin had been the only language assimilation she’d had since she’d been on Earth. But perhaps…

She learned it from him.

“Go and you'll see that a smile often hides a great sorrow. Go and you'll see the madness of mankind.”

As he contorted, Robin twisted the rope around himself, forming a cocoon, until he reached the very top. Then, he pulled a pin on one side and he fell, unraveling like a ball of yard. 

He stopped about a foot from the bottom, posed with one leg up by his head. 

The audience cheered and whistled, but the only one who stayed totally silent was Starfire. Not because she wasn’t enjoying the show, but because she was mesmerized by him. 

“Madness of mankind without righteousness, go. Madness of warriors without fear, go.”

Robin wrapped back up in the silk rope and soared through the tent, waving at the crowd as he passed by. 

The swing raised up further, and reached the height of a platform that was built into the main beams of the tent. Up here, there were several bars, some stationary, and some hanging on wires. 

“Madness of a child full of life who, playing at paradise as a soldier, was killed.”

He simply turned and stepped onto the platform, and offered a little bow. 

He raised his arms, took two steps, and leapt, gliding out to a bar on wires. He swung out, flying over the crowd effortlessly, before he flipped and grabbed the next bar with his legs. At the peak of his swing, he flipped off the bar, spun in a tight ball, and landed on a platform on the opposite side of the tent. 

The crowd clapped. 

Oh, but he wasn’t done. Of course not! He ran and leapt again, catching the bar as it swung back. He used the momentum to swing all the way around the bar several times, getting faster and faster before he let go and flung himself up high. There, he tucked into a ball and rotated twice and caught another bar. He swung on that quickly and shot up again. At the crest of his arc, he hugged his arms to his chest and twisted, turning sideways and upside down. 

The audience watched as he came down, and reached for the next bar…

And missed. 

“No!” Starfire was on her feet, ready to fly out and catch him, only to watch him fall about ten feet before he twisted again and caught a different bar with his legs. 

The audience went wild. 

Starfire nearly collapsed with relief. 

“Where fortune walks, you can't reach there with the heart anymore.”

He swung backwards, before hooking his feet around the wires and contorting backwards to climb up to stand on the bar. Once it reached the peak swing, he dropped down to his hands and swung, using momentum to swing out far and fast. From here, he leapt onto a hanging hoop. He hooked one leg around the hoop and braced the other inside, then relaxed his torso and threw his hands out. He glided over the audience, nearly touching them. Then he passed the Titans and gave them all high fives with a big smile. 

He winked at Starfire. 

The hoop rapidly rose up high into the tent, as someone pulled it on the other end. 

At the top of the tent, there was a thin wire from post to post, about a hundred feet long, and 70 feet up. The accordion and woman ended their song. 

“And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Flying Grayson will become the Balancing Grayson, as he performs the tightrope walk!” 

The crowd ‘oo’ed. 

Robin withdrew his bow staff from his belt, extended it, and very carefully started walking across the tightrope. 

The drums below rolled as he shuffled forward, a little more, a little more…

Suddenly, it looked like he lost his balance as he started swaying and trying to over correct. Then he jerked to one side and fell—

Only to once again catch himself, with one hand on the rope. He flipped back up easily, before stowing the staff again, then he gave an exaggerated shrug and flipped forward, walking the tightrope on his hands. 

The crowd went ballistic. 

After a few feet, he flipped again, placing one foot down, then the other, then turning and doing a backbend. Up on his hands, then his feet, then he did a front flip, a cartwheel; a full balance beam routine before reaching the other side. 

He raised his hands to quiet the roaring crowds. 

He took out his staff again, and ran out onto the tightrope. A little before the halfway point, he extended the staff and vaulted up to balance on top of it! He had one hand out, the rest of his body completely straight with his arm. Then, slowly, he transferred the connection point to his forehead. 

“Dude…” Beast boy gaped.

Robin balanced on a tightrope, on his staff, on his forehead. The drums rolled.

He gave a little shake of his hands and the band played a cheerful ‘ta-da!’ 

His friends clapped and cheered, only to be drowned out by the uproar of the crowd. 

Robin flipped backwards onto the rope, tucking his baton back into his sash. He watched the swinging bars below and timed it perfectly as he leapt, fell thirty feet, and grabbed the bar expertly. 

He whirled through the air, catching bar after bar in more and more precarious ways, like while he was spinning in a somersault, or by just one hand. He even dangled by just one foot. 

Starfire watched with awe as he performed, laughter and joy bubbling out of him each time he landed a trick. 

It was a side of Robin she’d never seen before. 

He was…beautiful. 

Of course, she and many other ladies (and probably several men) thought that Robin was cute, handsome, and ‘oh em gee a total hottie’ but seeing him right now, in this environment…he was just beautiful. 

Like a galaxy made of an ocean of stars and colors, he was beautiful like a force of nature. His thin frame was deceitful to the strength he held. His ropey muscles had mostly been hidden under loose sleeves and gloves. But Starfire could see them plainly now, and hard at work, twisting under his skin with each aerial feat. The contours of his body were distinct with the skin tight costume. The peak of the human form, a rib cage, surrounded by bands of muscle, a chest with a rapidly beating heart. Even his fingers held incredible strength, as he dangled carelessly from just the tips. 

A force of nature. A human in the most definite form. 

Utterly mesmerizing.  

Robin arched his back, hanging from his ankles with his arms far behind him. He swung his arms, pumping his body to climb higher and higher. He let go, somersaulting in the air, once, twice–five times, before landing on the tips of his toes on a platform. His silk rope dangled off to the side, and he used it to climb all the way back to the top, where the tightrope was. 

Once up there, he looked down, right to her. He pointed two fingers at his eyes, then to her. 

Eyes on deck.

The signal. 

Starfire floated out of her seat, up about ten feet, to provide plenty of clearance for what he had in mind. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he spoke into a mic way up there. “Thank you so much for coming out tonight for my special performance. And to the Teen Titans, thank you for making this event even more special. I knew I had to design my costume after Robin when I heard you guys were going to be here.” 

He was such a liar. 

“For my final trick, I will need the assistance of a beautiful young woman from the audience.” He pretended to glance around for only a second before exclaiming, “oh Starfire of the Teen Titans! Thank you for volunteering! Give her a hand folks!” 

There was an applause, along with laughter, as this had obviously been planned. Starfire giggled as Cyborg shouted, “yeah that’s our girl!” 

Robin crawled out on the tightrope, pinwheeling one leg around his body, and then the other. When he reached the middle of the rope, he held his arms out to the side. 

A drum roll went up. 

He dropped, catching himself with his fingers, and began to swing faster and faster until he was rocketing around the wire, gaining speed. 

Then he let go and soared.  

Arms out wide like wings, he whooped as he flew. 

Then he started to fall, but he had no fear. He was falling right towards her, and she’d catch him. 

Starfire floated a couple extra feet, eager to make contact with her friend. She caught him with her hands coming to rest on his ribcage, while he took hold of her shoulders. 

“Hi Star,” he beamed, piercing her soul with those vibrant blue eyes. 

“Hello,” she smiled back, her heart in her throat. Then she twisted, never letting gravity have a turn with him in this dance. She spun, her grip dragging down to his arms.

Once, twice, three times she spun him, before she let him go. Letting go this time was so different from everytime they performed this maneuver on the field. She wasn’t flinging him into an attack. There was no enemy waiting. 

She was throwing him into the end of his act. The end of this beautiful, sacred moment. 

Robin twisted in the air and grabbed his staff from his sash. He extended it and dug it into the center of the ring, slowing his descent. He spun around it, his limbs just gliding across the surface as he slowed more and more. 

He ended with one leg wrapped around the staff, while the other kicked out. He leaned back and threw his arms out and laughed. 

It was like he was mocking the crowd. I flew, his laughter said, I got to fly and you didn’t. 

“Ladies and gentlemen! The Last Flying Grayson!” 

Robin got to his feet as the crowd stood, screaming and cheering. He bowed once again, and then departed out of the ring, choosing to cartwheel and backflip out. 

Starfire was stuck floating in the air, tears streaming down her face, as a bittersweet smile came over her face. 

“You coming down?” Cyborg asked.

She nodded awkwardly and sank back into her seat. 

“You okay?” Raven asked, offering the edge of her cape to wipe her tears.

“I am only sad it is over,” she lamented. 

“No worries!” Cyborg chirped. “I recorded the whole thing!” He tapped his head. “You can watch it over again whenever you want!” 

“Oh glorious!” She clapped her hands together, feeling slightly better. 

Of course, watching a video would never be the same as watching it in person, but it would have to be enough. 

“You guys enjoying the show?” A voice asked from behind them.

They turned in shock as Robin, back in his normal costume and mask appeared behind them. He crouched and stole a handful of Beast Boy’s popcorn. 

“That Richard Grayson is something else! Did you see that tightrope act? I wonder how long it took him to perfect that!”

Starfire grabbed him by the front of the shirt and pulled him into a hug. “It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!” 

Robin blushed, as she had basically pulled him into her lap, but he hugged her back, nonetheless.

“I wouldn’t say it like that,” said Beast Boy, “but it was certainly the craziest thing I’ve ever seen!” 

“I knew you had some skill, but I get so focused on the martial arts part, I don’t even think about your acrobatics!” Said Cyborg. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Raven asked, not accusatory, just curious. 

“Uh…” he pulled at his collar. “It’s like…really hard for me to talk about. I figured just showing you would be easier.” He adjusted his grip on Starfire, resigned to the fact he was sitting in her lap. He couldn’t get out of the hug if he tried. “It’s…it’s been 10 years. 10 years ago today that they…my parents…” He swallowed harshly. “Haly knew. He knew I would spend the day crying and in self loathing. It still hurts, and it might never stop, but by being able to do this…it was kinda like…being with them again.” 

Starfire hugged him tighter, burying her face in his shoulder. 

“You seemed to have fun. Are you gonna do it again someday?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably not.” 

Eventually, Starfire let him go so that he could sit next to her instead. She still held his arm, too emotional to let him go completely, and honestly, he didn’t mind so much. 

They all watched the end of the show together, a rancorous applause as almost all the performers came out and took their bows. 

Then, the lights came up, and everyone was free to go. 

Robin released a little sigh. It was hard, but it had been worth it. He felt happier and more content than he expected he’d feel today. 

“So,” Raven began. “Are you going to introduce us to your friends, or what?” 

“Oh yes! I should very much like to meet your elephant!” 

Robin smiled. “Whatever you guys want.” 

—

They waited for the crowds to thin before Robin led them to another tent. Here, all manner of performers lounged about, some still in costumes and makeup. When the Titans entered, attention swiveled to them. 

“Dickie Bird!” 

Then there was an onslaught of ‘way to go’s and ‘atta boy’s, accompanied with affectionate head rubs and back pats. Robin took it all in stride, vainly fixing his hair afterwards. “Uh…thanks guys. It means a lot. Um, these are my friends, The Teen Titans. Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire.” 

“It is good to meet you all in person,” Mr. Haly himself said, shaking their hands. “Tonight was a smashing success. Thank you for all your help.” 

“Uh, gotta be honest man, we just showed up tonight. Robin took care of everything. If anything, we should be thanking you guys for the amazing show!” 

“Nevertheless, attaching your name to the show really brought the crowds in! We’re back, baby!” 

Robin smiled, thrilled to see Haly’s Circus thriving. 

“So,” Beast Boy began, talking quietly to Robin, but everyone heard him. “Everyone here knows who you are, huh?” 

Robin blushed, embarrassed. “Yep.” 

“You think a little piece of fabric would keep us from recognizing ol’ Dickie Bird?” A man with smudged paint on his face asked. “Even if you did grow a bit.” He nudged Robin. 

A strong man spoke up, with a heavy Russian accent. “Your friends, they do not know how you got the name Robin?” 

“Hey yeah!” Cyborg said, vexed. “How come we don’t know? Does anyone know?” 

Robin rubbed the back of his head. “It’s…kind of embarrassing.” 

“Please share!” Starfire asked, linking her fingers around his arm. 

Robin sighed. “So…I was born on the first day of spring, so my mom always called me her little Robin.” 

“Aww,” said Beast Boy. “That’s sweet!” 

Robin continued. “She said it so often, it became kind of like a stage name, though never officially since I only performed with my parents. But we did talk about me having a solo act as I got older, under the name ‘Robin, the Boy Wonder’. When I joined Batman, I was 8 and didn’t know any better and used the same name.” He gave a little shrug. “I don’t even think Batman knows.” 

“Oh, he knows,” said Haly with a laugh. “Shortly after your debut, he sent me a strongly worded email telling me not to tell anyone or there would be consequences.” 

Robin rolled his eyes. “Did you respond to that nonsense?” 

“You know, I did? I told him you were our boy and that we wouldn’t do anything to put you into harm’s way…which is why we let that playboy billionaire adopt you, despite the fact he clearly didn’t know how to raise a kid. Anyways, I asked Batman if he was in the habit of sending kids to fight on the street. And you know what he told me? He said that you went after Anthony Zucco yourself, at 8 years old. He found you out there and you told him you weren’t going to stop looking for Zucco until he was dead or behind bars.” 

“Toughest eight year old I ever heard of,” Raven said, actually sounding impressed. 

“So, I let it go. But, we've been keeping an ear out for you.” 

Robin wasn’t all that surprised that Batman had basically threatened his extended family, but he was proud that Haly didn’t put up with his bullshit. 

It also sounded like they didn’t know that Bruce Wayne was Batman. So that was a relief. 

“It was Donna’s idea to reach out to you,” Haly continued. “I didn’t know if it was a good idea, but you don’t know until you take a chance, right?” 

The woman that had taken the tickets came up to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “We still love you, Dickie Bird, and I knew we had to take that chance to see you.” 

“Dickie Bird?” Beast Boy asked Cyborg, in a hush. 

Another man started whistling a happy tune, before a few others joined in singing, “a Dickie Bird whispered ‘haven’t you heard? Spring is here, spring is here, spring is here’.” 

Then Robin finished, “And you and I fell in love in reply on hearing the Dickie bird’s news.” His smile was tight. “I…had forgotten they sang that. But I guess I never forgot the song.” 

Donna gave him a loving pinch to his cheek. “Now Dick, there’s something we wanted to give you. We found this in the archives, and we thought  you would want it.” She retrieved a tube from a table, and two of the strong men opened it up and unraveled the large poster inside. 

The Flying Graysons

New Addition 

Dick, Our Boy Wonder

It was the poster from his debut show, three years before the accident. 

“Is that you?” Starfire asked, nearly cooing. “You were so small.” 

“Still is,” Cyborg grinned. 

“Yeah,” Robin breathed. “Thanks Donna. It means a lot.” 

“Of course, baby. Now, we’re gonna put the poster from tonight in there too, so you can have both, okay?” 

Robin just nodded. 

Starfire could see this was hard for him, and just laid a hand on his shoulder. 

“Why don’t you go say hello to Zitka?” Donna urged. “I’m sure she missed you.” 

“Will she remember you?” Cyborg asked. 

Robin chuckled, “well, they say an elephant never forgets.” 

—-

When they returned to the tower, Robin shut Richard Grayson away in the closet, where he belonged, along with both posters. Just a skeleton of his past life. He was Robin now, all the time. 24/7. 

Whenever Starfire tried to talk about it, he deflected the topic. Not harshly or cruelly, he just decided not to answer her directly. 

It broke her heart. 

About a week later, she sat on the rooftop, looking at the moon, that haunting accordion tune playing in her mind, the silhouette of her friend against the curtain was just a shadow on the surface. 

“Hey…you okay?” Robin’s voice asked from the door. “You were pretty quiet today.” 

She wasn’t sure if she could handle a conversation with him right now. All she wanted was to talk about his performance. She had questions and observations, and she just wanted to share it all with him. She couldn’t bear hearing him shut it all down again. 

“You know you can talk to me,” he said softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. 

“Can I?” She asked just as softly. 

“Of course.” 

“It is…about the circus.” 

He frowned. 

She prepared herself for the wall that was about to drop. 

Instead, he took a seat beside her, legs crossed in front of him. “I’m sorry. You’ve been trying to talk about it all week and…like I said, it’s really hard for me to talk about.” 

“I understand. I have things in my life that are equally difficult to share.” She reached out and touched the side of his face, where the painted tear had been. “I just…admired your performance so much. You were most joyous. I have seen you happy, but never like that. I would like to share that experience with you again. Perhaps then maybe one day, it will not be so hard to talk about?” 

Robin was quiet for a long time, considering it. Then he offered a small smile. “I’ll think about it.”

She returned the smile. “That’s all I ask.” 

—

Another week passed. Robin seemed to clam right back up. 

Starfire was resigned to the fact that that one night at the circus was all anyone was ever going to see. And she had to be fine with it. So what if he was her best friend? It was his tragedy, and only he could decide who he’d share it with. 

But then, late one night, there was a knock at her bedroom door. 

“Hello?” She asked, as she answered. 

There was no one there, but there was a package at her feet. A brown paper wrapped parcel, with a note on it. 

‘Starfire, 

Please put this on and meet me in the training room. 

-Love, Robin’ 

Curious, she ripped the paper off, only to find a purple piece of cloth, nearly the same color as her uniform. She unraveled it, surprised to find a suit made of stretchy material. It was purple but had silvery accents and glittery beads all over the front. 

It was so pretty! She held it up and did a little twirl, then rushed to put it on. 

It wasn’t a completely perfect fit, but it was comfortable and not too tight. She zipped through the tower in haste to get to the training room. 

Richard Grayson was there, dangling from his ankle from a bar hanging from the ceiling. He looked at her as she entered. 

“Oh wow!” He chirped, flipping off to land on his feet. “That turned out great! I wasn’t sure if it would fit, because I measured a spare uniform that obviously doesn’t have all the measurements—”

“You made this?”

“...yeah? I made all my uniforms. Always have.” 

“There is so much I do not know about you, Richard Grayson,” she smirked, coming closer. 

He blushed, but smiled at her. “It’s so weird hearing you say that name.” 

“Why do you look at me in such a way?” She asked, tilting her head. 

“What way? I’m just…looking at you. I mean, you’re pleasant to look at, but if I’m staring I’m not meaning to!” Shutupshutupshutupshutup!

“You mean to say this is how you look at me when your mask is on as well?”

“Yes?” Was that a good thing? Or was he in trouble now? Did he hurt her feelings? Was he leering? Glaring?

A pretty blush dusted her cheeks as her smile deepened, though it looked like she was trying not to show it.  

He cleared his throat. “Um…would you like to…learn some moves?” 

Her eyes glistened. When she asked if he would share with her, she had expected him to just talk, not this! “Yes please!” 

“Alright.” He ran and leapt, grabbing hold of the bar, then he contorted so he could hang upside down, his feet hooked around the wires. “Okay, come here and hold my arms, facing the same direction as me.” 

She gleefully did, having to hover a little to reach. 

“Okay, you’re going to push off that box to get us swinging.”

She did, and thrust her legs to pick up momentum. 

“Good! Now just do it in time with me so we pick up maximum height.” 

“Can I not just fly us up?” 

“You could, but where’s the fun in that?” 

She giggled. “You always have a certain way to do things.” 

“That I do!” 

They swung together, making the bar go farther and farther out. 

“Okay, now I want you to kick up and try to hook your feet with my calves. Don’t worry if it takes a couple of times.” 

 Using her super strength, she easily flipped up and hooked her legs with his. She was going to tease him about how good she already was, until she realized the extremely intimate position this put them in. They were completely pressed together, and she saw straight into his blue eyes. “Oh,” she whispered. 

“What?” He smirked. 

“We are close.” 

“Yep. That’s part of the experience. Now, put your arms around my neck.” 

She did so, amazed that they could get any closer. 

He had kept the swing moving despite being nervous about having Starfire so close, and effortlessly, he flipped them right side up so he was sitting on the bar and she was in his lap. “Ta-da!” 

She couldn’t help but giggle again. 

“Hey Star?”

“Yes Robin?”

“Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you. This is very sweet. What made you finally share?” 

He kicked his legs so they stayed gliding through the air. “For the longest time, Trapeze represented falling instead of flying like it should. I figured…if anyone would understand flying, it would be you. So…” He avoided eye contact, feeling awkward. That was the dumb answer.

“That I do,” she grinned softly, tenderly. Her heart was full, she thought she might just burst. “What next?” 

“Grab hold of the wires, then put your feet on the bar, right here.” He patted the space next to his hips. 

She stood, sort of, and made a ‘v’ with her body. 

“I’ll lean back, and you stand up straight. 1…2…3!”

Starfire readjusted her grip on the wires and stood, looking down. She watched as Robin fell backwards, and then disappeared. “What…?”

The weight on the bar shifted, and suddenly he was behind her, arms around her waist, and chin on her shoulder. 

“How did you do that?”  

“Trade secret,” he chuckled. “Now, when I tell you to, I want you to let go and bring your knees up.” 

“But I am holding the wire, and you are holding me. If I let go…” 

“Trust me Star,” he said earnestly. “You’ll love this.” 

“Alright. I am ready when you are.” 

He tightened his hold on her waist. “And…go!” 

Starfire let go of the wire, tucked her knees, and instinctually clenched her eyes shut. She let out a loud ‘EEP!’ as she felt them fall backwards together. Then she flipped all the way around, before they came to a swinging stop. She peeled her eyes open to find herself parallel with the ground, being held by the hips. 

She craned her neck to look at Robin, who was hanging by his knees. “Ta-da!” He chuckled. “It’s probably not all that exciting since you can fly on your own.” 

She laughed and placed her arms out in front of her, like she did when she flew. “Contrariwise, it is very exciting! I am not prepared for what you are going to do. I am not in control.” 

“So this is a good trust exercise then!” 

“You have my trust, Robin,” she said so sincerely, so confidently, it brought a pang to his heart. He trusted her too. With his life, with his past, with his heart—

Starfire noticed he was using her like a pendulum to gain height again. So, she flew, just a little, just to get the bar moving. 

“Ready Star?” He called down. 

“What is happening?!” 

“Here we go!” 

Starfire let out a shriek this time as he yanked her upwards and let go, only to grab her a second later and hug her to himself. She fell to sit sideways in his lap as he sat on the bar. 

“Did I scare you?”

“Only for a moment!” She giggled, the joy in her soul bubbling over. She wrapped her arms around his neck for a better hold. 

Robin lazily kicked his foot to keep them moving, but otherwise just enjoyed having her close. What a thought. They weren’t even talking. 

He shook his head, a little embarrassed by himself. 

“What is it?” She asked sweetly. 

“Nothing, just thought of something ironic.” 

“Would you please share your ironic thought?” 

He held his breath. 

Well.

He was Richard Grayson right now. No mask, no polymerized titanium cape, and Starfire was sitting on his lap. 

Couldn’t really get more vulnerable than that, right?

He exhaled. “I was just thinking…I lost the two people I loved the most to a fall. But I don’t have to worry about losing the girl I love, because she can fly.” He offered a small smile. 

“Me?” Her eyes brightened. 

He just nodded. 

“Robin, you truly love me?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

She touched his face, gently drifting her thumb over his cheek. “The feeling is mutual.” 

His shoulders sagged in relief, and his smile grew. 

“Shall we initiate lip contact?” 

He barked a laugh, not because it was funny, but because it was so Starfire that it brought him immense joy. Instead of answering, he just leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. 

Starfire smiled into the kiss and hugged him tighter. Thankfully not too tight, as she had a tendency to get carried away with these things. 

As they pulled away, they stayed close, just savoring the moment. 

As Robin was in what was probably the happiest moment of his young life, it all shattered in front of his face. Like a bucket of ice water, the sound of three people clapping slapped against his face. 

Well, a cyborg, changeling, and an empath. 

Robin whipped his head around to stare at the intruders. 

“Bravo! Encore!” 

“Bravissimo!” 

“Yay.” 

“How…long…have you guys been there?” 

“Dude, like, the whole time. When I saw Starfire dressed like a purple disco ball, I knew something like this was going down.” 

“The pageantry! The drama! The action! The romance! Best show I’ve seen all week,” Cyborg smirked. 

“Congrats on the kissing,” said Raven, who seemed genuinely happy for them in her own way. 

Robin sighed. He should have known better. 

“So are you going to teach us how to acrobat?” Asked Beast Boy. 

“Do we have to sit on your lap too?” Asked Cyborg, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“As long as I get a sparkly leotard, I’ll be happy,” Raven made a rare joke. 

Robin was far too embarrassed to retort to any of that, so he just hid his face in Starfire’s shoulder. 

“Dudes! We can start our own circus! We have a full set! And we could all learn Trapeze from Robin and do a whole show! We can call it, ‘The Teen Swingers Club’.” 

Cyborg and Robin burst out laughing while Raven desperately tried not to. 

“What? What’s so funny?” 

“Yes, I do not understand the joke either.” 

Robin whispered the meaning to her quietly before she also burst out laughing. 

“Aw man. I hate it when my best jokes are accidents.” 

“The best things that happen to you are accidents,” Raven quipped. “You probably were an accident.” 

“Hey!” He barked, offended. 

Starfire giggled and rested her head on Robin’s chest. “Do not be embarrassed, Robin. For I could not hide what happened from our friends, and this way we do not have to tell them.” 

He sighed. He supposed that was a bonus. 

Besides, he had started this trend of showing vulnerability instead of talking about his feelings. Why stop now? 

“Hang on,” Robin told Starfire. 

She gleefully squeezed tighter as he fell backwards, and the rest of the Titans cheered. 

—

The next day, both posters were hanging proudly in the training room, right by the acrobatics equipment.

[gingerylangylang1979]

Male identity: Carmy and Richie

I’m finding that a certain demographic of fans have a much harder time relating to Carmy but very much relate to Richie. Granted, a lot of this has to do with what fandom platform you observe. I actually kind of hate The Bear subreddit but continue to browse it periodically because it’s super interesting to hear what “the others” are talking about. I rarely engage anymore because it’s mostly nonsense and a totally different vibe than Tumblr. The contingent is definitely very anti-Carmy x Sydney and seems to hate Sydney. I’ve also noticed that while there is a lot of love for Carmy there is even more love for Richie. I’m very intrigued by this perspective. 

This season Richie was definitely a standout. I think Ebon is an amazing actor and am glad he is finally getting nominated for his role. I thought he got robbed with the non-Emmy nominations. But even before S2 I noticed that Richie was the most favored character among the Reddit demo and perhaps a big part of the general audience. That’s fine, people can favor who they like. I know that doesn’t represent everyone but I do think that speaks for what I consider general audience and makes sense considering how society still views manhood despite social progress. This season even a lot of the reviews were kind of meh about Carmy. I get it, I initially was writing him off too, was pissed, and thought he had the worst arc. Then once thoughts settled he went back to being my hero. Deeply flawed, but I just relate to him so much and he’s fascinating to watch. I’m a woman, so maybe that helps my empathy. I also don’t think The Bear would work with Richie as the lead as some have suggested. 

The thing is Carmy is a more difficult character because he has multiple layers of trauma, his work is so specialized and niche, he is a sensitive soul, he’s artistic, and he doesn’t fit the mold of the working class male models he was surrounded by. Your typical man can’t relate to him. And most likely your typical conservative leaning woman can’t either. At the Christmas party he was appalled at how the other guys were talking about Claire. And this is a woman he had a crush on and is present day attracted to. He could have easily been superficial and macho and laughed at the jokes as expected. He didn’t let Richie get away with calling Syd sweetheart. Richie says he’s “woke”. He employs a woman in a leadership role. He’s built different. 

He is struggling in many ways that are hidden and he also lashes out. The hidden ways and the lashing out are interpreted as whiny and annoying by people that can’t relate. He’s been cited as not growing but people can’t acknowledge that his healing won’t be linear. But how can it be when his trauma was collected in overlapping seasons for most of his life? The pain didn’t develop in a linear path. He had a stutter when he was young. There are hints that there is a learning issue of some sort (I’m not going to try and diagnose). He was always the “different” one in the family. The other guys call him “weird”. His father was absent. His mom has mental health issues and is an alcoholic. He witnessed the traumatic incident at Christmas and I’m sure it wasn’t the only such incident. His brother was an addict that pushed him away, then killed himself. He went into a chaotic, highly demanding field that required him to isolate to excel. He is shy and has trouble forming close bonds. He had a mentally abusive boss. He was always super competitive. He comes back to own The Beef and it’s problem after problem. How are people expecting him to be “fun” and have an easy comeback like Richie? 

Richie has issues, too. Stagnant in mid-life, spent years devoted to an addict, failed marriage, feeling disillusioned and displaced, also an absent father. But when we meet Richie he’s not as wounded as Carmy. Carmy is literally sleep cooking, almost starting fires, dissociating, having panic attacks. Richie is sad but it mostly manifests as him being kind of nasty and grumpy. He’s like a sour old man with dated and offensive jokes. His behavior is dismissed because he’s grieving. Which yes, he deserves a pass. But why does he deserve a bigger pass than Carmy who is dealing with so much more or Sydney who seemed to bear the biggest brunt of his outrage and was also struggling? Carmy is literally on the verge of a breakdown and has the weight of trying to keep the staff, the business, and himself afloat. Despite all this Richie gets a lot of indulgences for his bad behavior that Carmy isn’t. 

Richie is easier for a lot of people to digest because he’s funny, he’s the working class representative, he’s tall (yes people have height bias, especially with men). Carmy is viewed as the pompous prodigal son that’s trying to ruin Richie’s delicate ecosystem by gentrifying and kicking out “the working man”. There are people posting in disgust that he dare change The Beef despite it being a hell hole money pit. 

It’s just so interesting that in reality we are dealing with an unprecedented numbers of men who report extreme loneliness, depression, hopelessness. Richie and Carmy both fit that profile. Yet, a man like Richie is broadly understood and accepted and a man like Carmy isn’t. It goes back IMO to the continual coding of masculine/good vs feminine/bad. Richie is the stereotypical red blooded American male. He wants the stripper’s panties. He has a gun. He needs to be alpha. He views anything outside the norm as a threat. He wants to preserve tradition at all costs. Carmy is his foil. Carmy is viewed as feminine. 

I see it even on Tumblr with the persistent identification of Carmy as somehow feminine. Like he can’t be soft and traumatized and just be a man. So what does that say when even people who would probably consider themselves progressive still classify a man in feminine terms if he isn’t a MAN? We accept all types of gender identities but still struggle with a man not fitting the correct paradigm. Society still has issues accepting that men can be vulnerable and struggling without being feminized. People also make assumptions about Carmy’s gender identity and sexuality based on his trauma. Like, of course he has to be XYZ because well, look at him, he’s sad an pathetic. What does that say about men’s sexuality and identity? Are only queer men accepted as sad? Carmy could be a queer character, cool, representation matters. But I just find the semi-automatic equation of queerness with an atypical male to be odd and a bit regressive. 

Edited to add on above: I hope what I’m saying doesn’t get interpreted as dismissing queer people who identify with Carmy. I get it, I support it. What I’m speaking to is the insistence that canon Carmy is queer because of his interests, aesthetic, and mental health as if that is the only identity option. Granted, he could be bi. I also think some people are insistent on this, just as they are on Syd not being into men, as a way to negate the possibility of them being romantic. Again, I’m saying some people. Also, proximity and shared struggle doesn’t equal identity. This makes me think of once when a white gay male bestie claimed we are the same because I’m a black women. I had to kindly correct. We share the same haters, we are both marginalized, but he will never know my experience just like I will never know his. We can bond on the commonalities but we aren’t exactly the same. IMO, it would be a disservice to both of us to claim different.

I’m really rambling, but just thought I would share my thoughts and open a conversation about this. 

[rubyreduji]

at the top — bsk

summary: it’s always said that it’s lonely at the top, you just didn’t believe it

tags: angst, fluff, idolverse, can be read as platonic or romantic wc: 2.8k an: this is very y/n centric but uhhh i hope its still enjoyable (y/n is basically IU in this universe if we wanna talk about popularity and success)

The flashing lights almost burn against your skin as a brigade of cameras relentlessly attack you from all sides. You stand still, a painful wide smile plastered onto your face just like you were trained to do all those years ago. You can hear voices shouting out to you, but they just sound like ringing in your ears.

After what feels like an eternity of being blinded you’re ushered into the event hall where the actual ceremony will be taking place. You can’t relax yet, though. The dress you’ve been forced into fits you uncomfortably and has been irritating you since the moment you put it on, but you can’t let it show as you shake hands with all the necessary people and exchange niceties. You nod along to whatever they’re saying and hope you don’t look too dead in the eyes as you do. 

“Y/N-ah, it’s good to see you again.” Your brain finally releases you from its stupor to turn towards the familiar voice.

It’s a coping tactic you developed years ago, when you were too young to really deal with all of the fame and networking and diplomacy. You call it your Professionalism Haze where you just block out as much as you can while still maintaining a level of propriety. As you got older you never did lose the habit. If anything it’s probably the only thing getting you through these types of events without going mad.

“Hyunae-unnie,” you bow slightly to the woman who has approached you. Hyunae is one of the people in the industry who you wholeheartedly enjoy the company of. You two did your training together as it was believed you two would debut in the same group before it was decided you would both debut as solo artists instead.

“Congratulations on your recent comeback, and your many nominations tonight.” If it was any other artist speaking to you, you might believe there was malice or envy behind the words, but you know Hyunae is being completely sincere.

“Thank you. I send you good regards towards your own comeback as well.” You know your words don’t mean much as Hyunae’s comeback was not nearly as successful as yours, but you still hope to convey how proud you are of both of your successes, no matter how big or small.

You hear a loud commotion coming from the entrance of the building and you glance over to see SEVENTEEN entering the venue. The loud boys all move further into the venues, greeting people as they do. 

You stare at them as they move as a unit. Their crisp suit jackets and styled hair and meticulously picked jewelry. Despite the gender difference between you two, you know that just as much time was put into making them presentable as it was with you. You wonder if their shoes pinch their feet the way yours do to you.

The group of thirteen men are up for a couple awards themselves tonight. You wouldn’t call yourself a fan of them, but you are well versed in their status. They interest you to say the least. You’ve never met another K-Pop idol like them individually, let alone a whole group of them.

Your eyes land on Boo Seungkwan. You find him the most interesting out of the whole group with his big personality and outstanding vocal talents. His hair is styled out of his face, slightly pushed back to change up his normal style. He’s dressed in a suit like the rest of his group. His suit is a navy color that is styled with a silky white under shirt. He has more necklaces than you do adorning his neck and like always, his signature smile graces his face.

The lights in the room are on the dimmer side, but he still shines, standing out from the rest of the crowd. One of his members says something to him and you can hear him laugh even from across the room. You stare at the way his face lights up even more, something you didn’t know was possible.

You study his body movements and the way he interacts with everyone around him. You see him smile at multiple people, but that’s not a surprise. Seungkwan is very popular. He’s very open with his body language and how he carries himself, something you’re not sure if you emulate properly.

You ponder how Seungkwan is objectively attractive, but to you he’s also subjectively attractive with his smooth skin and high cheekbones and bright eyes.

“Y/N?” Your attention is pulled back to your unnie and you apologize for spacing off. She brushes it off, far too well-versed in similar actions herself.

“Excuse me, I think I should go find my seat before the ceremony starts.” You bow once more to Hyunae before heading off in the general direction of where your manager told you your seat is. It doesn’t take you long to find it and you sit down in your chair, the first one at the table.

“Y/N!” You look up to see three men approaching you. One of them being the man you are guilty of staring at a few moments ago.

You stand and bow to them. “Hoshi-ssi, Dokyeom-ssi, Seungkwan-ssi.”

“Congratulations on another successful year,” Hoshi tells you. You know he’s not just referencing your recent comeback but all of the projects you’ve done within the past year including the first leg of your tour, premiering in a movie, the release a new fashion line, and several record-breaking comebacks.

“Ah, Y/N-noona you’re so cool,” DK says. “You do so much, it’s amazing that you’re still standing.”

“Yah, don’t say stuff like that!” Seungkwan smacks at DK’s arm. “Your diligence is very commendable Y/N-noona.”

“Thank you, though the work SEVENTEEN does is just as exemplary as mine.” It’s no secret how hard the boys work and how they’re constantly doing something whether it’s promotions, comebacks, variety shows, and anything of the like.

“Yah, you three! Stop walking off!” You turn your head to see S.Coups approaching. “I apologize for any troubles my members may have given you.” S.Coups bows to you. “Come on you guys.” Before you can even respond to S.Coups, the four men are walking off to their own table.

It doesn’t take long for things to start to settle down as the guests start to find their tables. You’re sitting at a table with a couple more solo artists. They all talk to one another but nobody spares you much of a glance. Or maybe it’s you who isn’t paying them any attention. It doesn’t matter either.

The ceremony starts and you sit there and stare at the shoes of everyone who walks on stage because the lights are shining too bright to look at their faces. You go through all the normal motions of what you’re supposed to. Clap when someone gets introduced, laugh when they make a joke, smile when something nice is said.

It’s not until the awards start that you force yourself to listen, and even then you start to space out at times. You’re nominated for four categories tonight. You’ll most likely win all four of them. You know you should be appreciative, but it all feels meaningless to you.

“This year’s Top Solo Female Idol is…L/N Y/N!”

You hear your voice called over the surround system and you automatically stand and smile, waving at where the cameras are placed. Your feet start to move to the stage before you can tell them to and then all of a sudden you’re standing on the stage, staring out at the crowd.

Your eyes try to focus on something in the audience. This time it just happens to be the arrangement of blue flowers sitting on a table near the back. 

For once you’re thankful for all of the pre-written speeches that were shoved down your throat a week ago as you recite it like it’s the most natural thing to you. You make a note to send a thank you basket to your PR manager.

You finish your speech and go back to your seat. You feel awkward sitting at the table with your award placed in front of you. The night is only going to get worse. More speeches, more smiling, more standing. Shake this hand and greet this person and say these words and always make sure your dress isn’t bunched up. You feel like a puppet.

You do end up winning all of the awards you were nominated for and you have to go to a press conference afterward to show your gratitude for all of the support.

You don’t miss the looks the other idols shoot you. You don’t have to interpret what they mean. It’s been the same since your first successful album as a rookie. None of them believed in you and now that you’re levels above them they don’t want to talk to you. You don’t blame them.

At the end of the night you’re finally loaded into your car and you slip your shoes off of your feet in the car. You’re in your apartment for about two seconds before you unzip your dress and let it fall to the ground before moving to your room to change into something comfortable.

You undo your hair and clean off your makeup before sliding on a mask and slipping your hood over your head. You walk down the block to the convenience store on the corner and browse the sodas and chips before making a selection. You pay for your treats and are thankful the cashier doesn’t recognize you. It’s not that too hard to believe though. Sometimes you can’t even recognize yourself without your makeup.

A deep sigh escapes your mouth as you start to walk back home. Tonight should be one of the happiest nights for you, but here you are, alone, buying junk food from the convenience store, feeling miserable. You are grateful for your job, you really are, but it’s all so…exhausting.

Your feet still hurt from wearing your heels for so long so you find a bench to sit on and rest your feet for a moment. As you sit down everything starts to crash down on you. You place your head in your hands and start to silently cry.

You don’t know how long you’ve been there when you hear a voice address you. “Excuse me have you- oh, are you okay?” You look up to see a familiar face. “Y/N?”

You quickly wipe away your tears and straighten up though you know that Seungkwan has already seen it all. “I- I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what? Are you okay? What are you doing out here all alone? Why are you crying?”

“I’m sorry that you have to see me like this,” you say to Seungkwan. You’re embarrassed if you’re being honest. Out of everyone in the world to find you, it has to be Seungkwan. 

He’s changed into street clothes and even through your distress you note how nice he looks. There’s always been something satisfying to you about idols in normal clothing. Maybe it’s because it makes them look like actual people.

“What are you doing here? It’s late and you’re all alone. Are you not celebrating your wins?”

“I…don’t have anyone to celebrate with,” you admit. “I don’t have many friends in the industry.”

“Well, you have me! We’re friends.” Seungkwan sits down on the bench next to you. 

“Why are you here?” You change the subject.

“Ah, SEVENTEEN is celebrating our win at a bar nearby. I just needed a walk to clear my head for a moment,” Seungkwan explains. “Now, why are you crying on the street alone?”

You never knew if Seungkwan is as nice as he seems on camera, but apparently he is and it’s somehow making everything worse. You’re not sure if you want to just dump all of your problems on him at 1am on a random street right after crying when he should be celebrating with his group, but it’s not like you have anyone else to tell.

“I’m not sure what I’m even doing,” you finally say. “I’ve dreamed of this being my life since I was little, and now that I have it I feel…lost.”

“Lost?”

“I don’t know who I am anymore. I live my life day in and day out doing more or less the same thing, it’s like I’m on autopilot. This whole night I felt just like a doll, just something to play with and control. It’s exhausting.”

“You need to take time to take care of yourself. You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep doing all of the things you are now. You should spend time with friends or take a vacation,” Seungkwan says.

You laugh a bit incredulously. “Take a vacation? My manager would kill me. The next leg of my tour starts in two weeks and I’m filming ad collabs and working on my next album in the meantime,” you tell the other idol. You hope he understands a bit. “As for the friend one…I don’t have friends. Everyone is either too intimidated or too resentful to spend time with me. I’m one of the most successful idols in Korea, and I can’t even get someone to spend time with me.”

“Don’t say that. I’m your friend. I’m spending time with you right now, aren’t I?”

“Only because you found me crying alone. It’s pathetic I know. The media would have a field day with this if they saw me now.” 

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to spend time with you in other situations. Honestly, all of SEVENTEEN would like to be your friend. You deserve to have people who care for you.” The words hit harder than you’re expecting and you feel your eyes start to well up with tears again. “Our jobs aren’t easy, but you’re is even harder than mine. You are so strong to do as much as you do, and all alone. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without my members for support, and you deserve support as well.”

“Thank you, Seungkwan-ssi.” Your voice is soft, afraid that if you speak louder you might start sobbing.

“I think we can drop formalities,” Seungkwan says. “We’re friends now, remember.” You just nod.

It’s quiet between you two for a moment before you speak up. “Do you ever…wish your life was different? That you weren’t an idol?”

“This job is not for the weak of heart,” Seungkwan starts, “and sometimes it is hard, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Why? Do you…not want to be an idol anymore?”

“I’m not sure.” You take a moment to choose your words carefully. “I’m not happy. I love my fans and I love making everyone proud, but I don’t know if I’m being true to myself anymore.”

Seungkwan thinks over what you just said before responding slowly. “If you’re not happy anymore, then why do you keep doing it?”

“I’m too far in. I can’t be anyone else after the image I’ve built up. I don’t hate the job, I just…don’t feel anything anymore.”

“You should always choose yourself before anything else. I understand your feeling of obligation to this industry though. How about this? You come to me when you need support and I’ll be here for you and if you still feel like this later down the road, you have to promise me you’ll take a step back. You don’t have to quit, not yet, just take a break.”

You’ve truly never met someone like Boo Seungkwan. You can’t help but feel fondness towards him at this moment. No one has ever looked out for you the way Seungkwan is doing right now, and even just from this small conversation you’re starting to feel better. Maybe he is on to something with this support system he’s talking about.

“Okay Boo Seungkwan,” you say. “I think you might have yourself a deal.”

“Good. When your tour is done, I’ll show you what it’s like to spend time with a friend. We’ll do all of the funnest things I can think of and you’ll be able to relax. In the meantime, tell your manager to lessen your workload before you completely crash, or I’ll hunt him down and do it myself.” Seungkwan’s voice is dead serious and you know he’s not kidding. 

“Thank you Seungkwan-ah, I don’t know how to repay you.”

“You don’t need to. That’s what friends are for.” And for the first time this whole night you crack genuine smile. 

Seungkwan then stands. “Come on.” He holds his hand out for you to stand as well. “Join me and my members for tonight. You deserve to be celebrated as well.”

You tentatively take Seungkwan’s hand and he helps pull you to your feet before leading you back towards where his group is residing and you secretly smile to yourself about how things are already starting to look up.

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[solarwynd]

I feel like there are somewhat weird vibes spreading in the fandom now but can’t really pinpoint what it is. Like I’m so happy for Jimin and pjms, the results for this comeback are insanely good but it’s kind of getting quiet already? Is it just me? I don’t know, maybe it’s because he’s not present and can’t celebrate with us. It’s like after all the good news fan’s engagement with everything kind of dropped for some reason. I remember how hyped and involved everyone was during the debut even after that horrible thing billboard did to LC and how everyone was doing their absolute best to keep the song on the charts for as long as possible. I don’t really see the same attitude now and it’s really surprising to me considering there are a lot of people who liked Who and Muse even better than LC and Face. Or maybe everyone just got more relaxed and it’s a good thing? What do you think?

A good and a typical thing. Good because we’re getting the tools we’ve been asking for and because WHO isn’t predicted to free fall in the second week from its sales being filtered out by a surprise rule change so we don’t have to stress as badly as we did last year. Which is definitely a welcomed change.

And typical because a lot of people are first week result workers only and have been since forever. I feel like with tools, some people become lax because they they don’t have to work as hard. Same thing happened with 7 and armys even though that song was pretty much on autopilot. But yea I don’t think it’s really a bad thing. For second week people definitely need to take it even more seriously than the first because we don’t want huge drops anywhere, but after that, a slow wind down is okay and expected. Armys and pjms combined can produce results as big as GP can but we can’t sustain it by ourselves nor do I think it’s entirely possible. And I don’t believe the atmosphere needs to be at constant high energy because that causes burn out quickly.

As long as we aren’t seeing massive 1M drops again, I’m not gonna be frantic. I wish WHO could’ve gained 2nd week on Spotify, but on AM we’ve been hitting new peaks and progress so that’s still great.

A MUSE + WHO recomeback just officially got announced by big army accounts for tomorrow, so hopefully Saturday we’ll see an increase.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (i want to be in my buck/eddie/shannon times its great)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(i love the one two punch of eddies season 5 breakdown combined with the daniel plot *chefs kiss*)

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷 (oh i am very interested in this after the first snippet you posted i need more thx)

HEY!

Okay let's do this.

60 for 🔼 (YAY that makes me so happy):

---

"Based on what you said.” 

“Jane?” Shannon echoes, taking the drink. 

“Jane,” Buck nods. “Janet is a medieval variant of the name Jane. Same meaning, same cultural origin. But whereas Jane fell out of fashion after the 1940s and is beginning to make a comeback, Janet has been flopping since the 60s.”

Shannon blinks, face still for a moment. 

Shit. Fuck. Buck has definitely overstepped. 

“Jane,” she repeats. A small smile creeps onto her face. “I like Jane.”

Buck exhales, relieved. “Oh, good. I mean, there are other variants. Janette. Jean.”

“No,” Shannon shakes her head. “I like Jane. I’ll mention it to Eddie.”

Whoa.

“Cool,” Buck shrugs, playing it down. “That’s cool.”

Shannon moves to open the Jeep passenger door. “How’d you know any of that anyway?”

Great question. 

“Oh, you know… I go on the occasional research binge when presented with a question,” Buck says. “I get curious.”

“Research binge?” Shannon smiles.

Buck shrugs as he buckles himself into the driver’s seat. 

“I like learning.”

“I think that’s a really good trait,” she replies. 

Buck has to take a big, steadying breath. He feels dangerously close to something for Shannon. Something he is very much not allowed to feel. 

🔼

She tells him about work on the drive back to her place. It seems Shannon is almost in exactly the opposite of Buck’s position. If Buck is being kept away from the work he loves because of his stupid leg, Shannon is stuck in a job she hates, despite the discomfort it currently brings her. Typing endlessly isn’t great for her shoulder. Her boss seems to have little empathy for her pregnancy or her shoulder injury. On top of it all, the administrative work means nothing to her. 

“But I am literally not qualified for anything else,” she explains.

Buck understands that well enough. He gets how hard it is with no education .Before the fire academy, he had no real qualifications. Other than mixology school. Which went a long way in applying to bars, but he still realized he was getting hired largely for his looks. 

“What did you want to do?” Buck asks. “Before?”

There’s no need to specify what before means. Before Chris. 2010 B.C. He has his own before, too. Even though it’s way less serious. Before he left home. 

---

66 for 🚨(more parental drama ahead!):

---

He still has to figure out how and when to do that. He’s already got a sort of sappy speech in mind, though. 

He can only search for engagement rings today because Buck and Chris are at the zoo. Just the two of them. Something that has been happening more and more lately. Not that they didn’t spend one-on-one time before. They always did. Just since Buck and Eddie started dating, the priority has been doing things as a family. And it still is, to a large degree. 

Chris calling Buck his second dad and Eddie asking Buck if he wanted a second kid changed things, just a little. Buck asked for more time, just them two. 

“If he feels that way about me, I-I don’t want him to think I don’t feel the same way, and if we do have another kid, I don’t want him to think he’s like just my stepson, compared to the new baby, so-”

“Oh my god,” Eddie had interrupted. “You do not need to ask. Do what you want to do, he’ll love it.”

So they’re at the zoo. There’s a special exhibit about bugs. It’s not a travesty that Eddie is home googling men’s ring cuts. 

He thinks he’s settled on the kind of style he’s going to go for - if not the actual ring itself - when the doorbell rings. Eddie isn’t expecting anyone. It wouldn’t be Maddie or Chim, because of the baby. Maybe Bobby? Or Hen? Eddie really doesn’t know.

He closes his laptop, finishes a final sip of coffee, and crosses the house to answer the door.

The last person on earth he’s expecting to see is his father. 

Okay, maybe his mother is a smidge less likely. But still. His father is at the bottom of the list of anticipated visitors, right there with Pedro Pascal and Daniel Craig. 

“Dad?” Eddie’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. “What the hell are you doing here?”

It comes off a bit harsher than intended. Wait, no. Scratch that. It’s exactly the right level of harshness. What the hell is he doing here?

Ramon looks nervous. His eyes are wide and sort of pleading. His hands are wrung together in front of him like an upside down prayer.

“Eddie!” He exclaims, voice shaky. “Hi.”

“What the hell?” Eddie asks again. 

“I was… Can we talk?” Ramon asks a little weakly. 

“Why didn’t you, I don’t know, call me?” Eddie demands. 

“I didn’t think you’d answer.”

Probably true.

“Why didn’t you leave a damn voicemail? Maybe a text?” Eddie tries.

“I didn’t think you’d return the call.”

Eddie’s lip twitches.

“Please, Edmundo. It’s been two years. I just want to talk.”

“Seven,” Eddie corrects. 

“What?” Ramon asks. “No. It was 2019.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Eddie replies.

---

51 for 🦷 (ah yay glad you're interested!):

---

“I wanted to keep myself occupied,” Eddie says. “So I took extra shifts.”

“Because you were sad,” Christopher says.

Eddie nods.

“Because I made you sad.”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “I made me sad. And then I went to a lot of therapy, and that made me sort of sad, too.”

Christopher processes this for a second. Eddie makes no move to turn on the truck. They can stay here as long as they need. 

“Isn’t therapy supposed to make you happy?” Chris asks eventually.

Eddie chuckles. “Ideally, yeah. It is. But sometimes it makes you more sad for a bit, first.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Christopher retorts. 

“Uh, it kind of does when you think of it like… Like a broken bone.” Eddie tries.

“A broken bone?” Chris asks. 

“Mhm,” Eddie nods. “Sometimes, you break a bone in a weird way. And in order for it to heal right, the surgeon has to break it again, so they can put it back in the right position.”

“Ew,” Chris wrinkles his nose.

“Yeah,” Eddie admits. 

“Or like having someone cut into my gums to make my mouth eventually feel better?” Chris asks.

“Exactly. Yeah.”

“Okay,” Chris says. He’s quiet again for a while. Eddie still doesn’t turn on the truck. Then… “What bone did you have to rebreak, or whatever?”

Yeah.

Yeah, they were always going to get here sooner or later. Eddie kind of hoped later. Post-surgery. While Buck wasn’t at work and could come by to resuscitate him if he keeled over. 

“A lot of things, really,” Eddie admits. “I think I had a lot of bones heal wrong.”

“That’s kind of sad.”

“Yeah.”

It is kind of sad. Eddie is learning to be sad for himself these days. Not just with himself. 

“Can you tell me one?” Chris asks.