#because YES when im thinking about problems of our society i really do find myself looking in a similar perspective

[loidsxf]

ah... i have no answer to the question you asked. however if you don't know the meaning of your life, then make me that meaning and use me as the reason to live...... thank you for your flower! it's beautiful, i like it very much!!

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[linkspooky]

hey, can you share your thoughts and opinions on dazai osamu's no longer human?(just the book and not in connection with bsd) i read it, i liked it, but i couldnt really relate to it. so im wondering if i should read the setting sun or not. what do you think abt this book?

I don’t think books really need to be relatable to be impactful, but context can help you understand it. In general my advice is the best way to understand a book is to read more books like it. Always, read more books. 

Sure, I can write a repsonse to the text though. The book, not the anime. (Ignore the picture of Dazai, he’s just there to look cute.)

The biggest and most important idea in No Longer Human (Ningen Shikakku).  The most literal translation of the title being  (人間失格)  "Disqualified From Being Human. I bring this up, because use of the character in the title has specific meaning.

人 (hito) : human, person 人間 (ningen): human Generally speaking, 人 is used for people, while 人間 is used for humans as a taxonomic classification. 

Much like English, the fact that a person is a human is usually a given, because in our world, we call those who are humane “people,” and only humans can be humane. Just like you wouldn’t usually count humans with “three humans” and say “three people” instead, the usual way to count three humans in Japanese would also be 三人 instead of 三人間.  “Human society” is 人間社会, etc.

Or to shorten  人 (hito) : human, person 人間 (ningen): human, biological.

So, there’s an extra nuannce there in the translation. The title of the book uses “ningen” as in the sense of taxonomical classification. So, it’s like saying “disqualified from being considered as a part of the human species.” 

I go this far in my intro because most consider Dazai’s work to be a response to Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, (he name drops both Dostoevsky and the novel itself). Both of these novels portray society as a whole as an antagonistic force to one individual, who is considered an outsider to that same society. There’s a lot of similarities between the protagonists, both Raksolnikov and Yozo are terminally ill, show signs of mental illness, and both are characters who show incredible self-awareness and moments of self reflection while at the same time being unable to connect to the feelings or identify with the people around them in any healthy way. 

To connect back to my little rant on the translation of the title though, what could disqualify a person from being considered a human being? Well, they could commit a crime for instance. Then they’d be classified as a crimminal. 

Both protagonists of both novels are crimminals in a sense. However, that’s about where the similarities end. NLH is centrally about the main characters egoism. Society matters so little in NLH, society is just something that hangs ominously in the background to the outsider. 

Now there’s another novel by Dostoevsky that similiarly is recorded in a journal format, and is mainly about the main characters Ego.  Notes from Underground is considered to be one of Dos’s first existentialist novels. Existentialism (to oversimplify) in a sense of what does existing in this world mean? 

That’s why I say the central conflict is not with society itself, but rather within the character’s own head. The outsiders of society only exist within their own heads. Their main challenge is not to grapple with society, morality and law like Raskolnikov but rather to figure out what is inside their own heads and what they live for. 

Which is why the protagonists of both novels are terrible egoists. Their main personality trait is their egocentrism, or rather their inability or unwillingness to try to see or understand the feelings or experiences of others. They are first person narrators who only see the world from their own point of view, but they are not objectve narrators. The only thing they can see, the only thing they can relate to, the only thing they can convey is their feelings to the reader. 

F. Scott Fitzgerald writes a similiar novel from a similiar point of view in This Side of Paraidse, which shows the journey of one young man born into a rich family who grows up to not only lose the love of his life, but also to squander all his fortunes at the end of the story. However, Fitzgerald drops all pretense on what the story is about. The chapter titles are things like, the romantic egoist, the egoist considers, narcissus off duty, all the way to the egoist becomes a personage. 

The book ends like this. 

He stretched out his arms to the crystalline, radiant sky.

“I know myself,” he cried, “but that is all.” 

It’s an egoists journey to developing a personality. To way oversimplify again, ego is yourself that exists in your own head, personage is what you show to others. At the end of This Side of Paradise, the main character gains himself, while at the end of NLH the protagonist loses himself. It’s the same journey but in reverse, it’s a net loss, it’s tragic. 

NLH, This Side of Paradise, and Notes from the Underground are all about egoists who are aware of their own feelings, but aren’t aware of the feelings of others. They’re all ridiculously self absorbed individuals. That’s actually, like, the unreliable narrator trick of the novel. 

Yozo is sympathetic yes, he’s an outsider to society, but at the same time Yozo is not the helpless, miserable victim he portrays himself as. He is not the victim to a cruel society, one he comes from a place of privilege and two he becomes a perpetrator. Hence, the whole... crime and punishment allusions. It’s this added complexity to Yozo that’s what makes the book as brilliant as it is. Yozo is someone who is both victim and perpetrator, but he only sees himself as a victim and the story he tells paints him exclusively as a victim. 

But Yozo’s central problem isn’t society its himself. His conflict and greatest obstacle is always his own ego. The reason we read the book biographically, is because we see him grow up, or rather fail to grow up. As a kid he is sympathetic, as an adult he’s a pretty serial user of people. 

Yozo constantly asks for sympathy, but at the same time he’s not really one to sympathize with others. When he tries to commit suicide with a woman, he reports these events with no remorse at all. 

I removed my coat andput it in the same spot.

We entered the water together.

She died. I was saved. 

He seems real broken up about it. 

That’s also a pattern that repeats again and again with Yozo. If you want to see the real nature of Yozo’s character you should see how he treats both women and children. They exist to make him happy, to soothe his misery, and when they don’t he leaves them. 

Like, out of context. What does this sound like. 

What a holy thing uncorrupted virginity is, I thought. 

I had never slept with a virgin, a girl younger than myself. I’d marry her.

The few times we do meet outside characters we see that Yozo is someone referred to as a crimminal, but refers to himself as a victim. 

“Don’t be cheeky now, I for one have never been tied up like a common crimminal the way you have.” 

I was taken aback. Horiki at heart did not treat me like a fully human being.

If you read No Longer Human as a response to Crime and Punishment, you could even read the many women that Yozo falls into flings with and then promptly abandons as a response to Raskolnikov and Sonya. For Yozo, each woman he meets is his Sonya, they are meant to redeem him and bring him peace, and whn they don’t he leaves. Yozo someone missing the point that, Raskolnikov loved Sonya because he sympathized with her circumstances and suffering while Yozo really only ever cares about his own suffering. 

To bring the discussion back to Notes from the Underground. It’s a story divided into two parts, that really doesn’t work without the second part of the story. In the first part, as we are just fed the main character’s thoughts he looks like some kind of revolutionary philosopher. Then in the second we follow the character though a day in his life and he’s just sort of... socially awkward. He’s not some brilliant thinker, he’s just an outsider who can’t connect with others, like Yozo. The second part is necessary to underwrite the first because in the first part of the journal he looks like a champion, and in the second he’s just pathetic. He’s just some guy. Notes from the Underground also has one of my favorite lines in all of fiction. 

"They won't let me ... I can't be good!" I managed to articulate; then I went to the sofa, fell on it face downwards, and sobbed on it for a quarter of an hour in genuine hysterics. She came close to me, put her arms round me and stayed motionless in that position.

The protagonist encounters a young prostitute name Liza, he tries to save her at first, but then turns around and starts to treat her terribly and has a mental breakdown in front of her that ends in this line. She finds him pitiable, and comforts him in that moment. 

However, after this moment of comfort he then he goes back to treating her terribly once more. He yells at her, and she grows tired of him. He pays her and she leaves and that’s the end of that relationship. 

See it’s a moment that’s simultaneously, a moment of human connection, but also it shows how the protagonist regards other people and why he can’t connect to them. If you only use other people to comfort your loneliness, you’re going to end up alone either way. The same way the Narrator uses Liza, Yozo chronically uses women. 

However, at the same time. 

“They won’t let me... I can’t be good.” 

Is what I consider the most striking lines in all of fiction. It is both an avoidance or responsibility, and at the same time an utterance of the baisc human desire to be good. It's always everyone else's fault, the problem is with other people. Yet both Narrator, and Yozo want to be good people, they want to connect with others. 

Yozo and the Narrator are crimminals. They are bad people. (A person who has committed a crime isn’t necessarily a bad person but..) However, being a crimminal does not disqualify you as a human being. They are still people who are suffering. The secondary goal of a novel like Crime and Punishment is to show St. Petersburg as a city where everyone is human, and everyone suffers, good and bad people alike. Yozo and the Narrator are miserable, and there’s humanity in that misery. You don’t have to even connect to their feelings, isn’t it bad to see a person suffering? Doesn’t that elicit an emotional response because nobody wants to see other people suffering and in pain. That’s the basic humanity in these characters. Yozo and Narrator aren’t inhuman. They’re just like... normal people. They are anxious, avoidant. They are terminally insecure. They’re socially awkward. They understand themselves better than other people. Those are all just normal human sentiments shared by everyone, it’s just Yozo and Narrator are so egocentric they act like they’re the only people in the world.

Yet the same, just like the moment Liza sympathized with a man who treated her terribly and only saw her as a prostitute, people still sympathize with miserable people and want to ease the suffering of others. That’s why Dazai writes stories for miserable people.

I am writing a tired story for young readers,

not because I want to be different,

or because I am unconcerned with young readers’ tastes.

I write it rather because I know it will please them.

Young readers are tired and old themselves these days,

and my story can bring them no discomfort and no surprises.

It is a story for those who have lost hope.

                                                                       (Osamu Dazai, Of Women)

[bookofmormonmemes]

I don't think comp het would be strong enough to lead Corianton to seek out a female harlot when he could have easily Not Done That and spared himself and his family and his church the embarrassment. What else could he possibly have hoped to gain from that decision besides satisfying the lusts of his eyes? I mean, Alma clearly thought that Corianton's horniness was the main problem and there's no evidence to the contrary. Why out of Alma's sons would you think Corianton is gay?

honestly? projection. like not to get personal but comp het was strong enough scare the hell out of my parents with how quickly and intensely physical my relationship with my boyfriend got in my freshman year of college. I’m an afab person and I am not attracted to boys, but for a while I thought maybe it was just because I wasn’t trying hard enough--wasn’t opening up enough, wasn’t letting myself enjoy his affection. At this time, I was still operating under the viewpoint that marrying a man was the only way for me to ever be happy, in this life or the next. If I could endure my discomfort long enough to eventually accept and actually enjoy our physical relationship, that meant that i Could have a happy heterosexual marriage in the future 

and i tried to speedrun it! i went way outside my comfort zone, definitely way outside the For the Strength of Youth guidelines--because the alternative was, if I couldn’t force myself to feel something for him, then i would Never have that happiness. If I Could eventually become attracted to him, then I had a future. I could repent of this unchastity and try again. if i Couldn’t, that was it--I was fully a lesbian and my only choices were either celibacy or apostasy.

(i don’t feel that way anymore. this boy and I broke up after like 4 months. im v happy with the girlfriend I have now and I think our relationship and the affection between us has progressed much more naturally and comfortably and im very grateful for that.)

I think it’s entirely possible Corianton could have had those same (or similar) feelings. Alma specifies that Corianton is in his youth, so I think he might have been just starting to realize he’s different, and didn’t know what to do when confronted with the possibility that he might not like women. So he goes after a harlot, someone who’s already stolen away the hearts of many, someone with enough celebrity for Alma to call her out by name. It’s like when you ask a closeted lesbian her celebrity crush and she just says Chris (Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Just whoever’s most popular, whoever everybody else has a crush on!). Because if he can really feel that lust for Isabel, then afterwards he can repent and find a Good Mormon Nephite Girl to actually fall in love with. If he can’t manage any attraction to Siron’s Top Sexiest Bachelorette, he’s done for. It’s a last-ditch effort to fit the mold.

And it doesn’t work. He comes home, having embarrassed his family and his church, and he sits down for a lecture and he is Not Having A Good Time. Which...I think may be the reason Alma perceives that Corianton’s so worried about mortality and the afterlife. After falling so far and failing so bad, Corianton may have very well been suicidal at this point. If he doesn’t have any hope of Hetero Happiness in this life, maybe his only shot is in the next.

So in the end of chapter 41, Alma talks about resurrection and restoration in a way that I think is pretty key to this interpretation. Every queer member of the Church has heard that they’ll be “fixed” (i.e. made straight/cis) in the Resurrection, but Alma refutes that in this section so hard and so explicitly. In verse 12-13: “Is the meaning of the word restoration to take a thing of a natural state and put it in an unnatural state, or to place it in a state opposite to its nature? O, my son, this is not the case; but the meaning of the word restoration is to bring back again evil for evil...good for that which is good.” Whether good or bad, Corianton isn’t gonna be changed in the Resurrection; he’s not gonna be a different person, he’s not gonna be rid of what he perceives as being wrong with him. That might be a comfort. It might not. But it’s the truth.

In the next chapter Alma goes on to specify that this life is the time to fix what we’ve done wrong. And specifically, that we can fix what we’ve done wrong. And also that that’s not necessarily a get-out-of-jail-free card! Corianton should NOT have abandoned his mission to go after Isabel, regardless of his reasons. And he’s not gonna change his nature in the next life. So right now, he needs to repent. He needs to accept his nature. He does have hope, and he has that hope of happiness in goodness, in treating others with truth and mercy and service. 

 Alma closes chapter 41 not with a call to be more virtuous or pure, but to be merciful and just with his brethren and to do good--focusing not on how righteous we are in our own selves, but how we treat one another. Finally, he closes chapter 42 (and his talk to corianton in general) similarly: “Go thy way, declare the word with truth and soberness, that thou mayest bring souls unto repentance, that the great plan of mercy my have claim upon them.” Basically: you screwed up, kiddo, but I love you and I believe in you and you’ve got good work to do. Don’t worry. Be kind. Keep determined. Find joy in community. You have hope.

also when all is said and done corianton goes on the cool sailing pilgrimage with hagoth & co. which is Very Gay if i may say 

So. Do I think Corianton was gay, and do I think I have good reason for that? Yes. Do I think he was out to his dad, or that Alma would have been supportive, or that Nephite society would have the same homophobia and heteronormativity as the Church today? I don’t know. I’m more of an artist than a scholar--I interpret based on how I feel. I liken the scriptures to myself. This is the evidence I see, this is the story I feel is behind it, this is the eisegesis I’m choosing to take from it. Because it speaks to me, and I relate to it!

I hope this has been a thoughtful adequate answer, but to really tl;dr it basically he’s gay cus im gay and i said so, and that’s really all there needs to be to it! Thank you for sending me this ask and thereby allowing me the space to really study and wax long-winded about this jsdfghjdjfg. gay sailor rights and i hope u have a lovely sunday

[manga-and-stuff]

Interview with Makoto Yukimura, the Mangaka behind Vinland Saga

REALQ: What kind of child were you? Yukimura: I was a laid back kid, who took a very, very long time to come to a decision. I'd be late to dinner because I was thinking about something or other. Once, while I was alternately touching the right and left eyes of a snail, I became aware that night had fallen. I wondered why my group of friends were always in such a hurry. I would focus on something and lose the ability to tell if time was passing quickly or slowly.

REALQ: When did you first encounter manga? Yukimura: I was five-years-old and the manga was Akira Toriyama's Dr. Slump. I remember thinking the cover art was cool. When I was little, I used to think that the cover art and the story inside were drawn by different people. [Laughs]    But I watched the Dr. Slump anime before I read the manga. Later, someone told me that there was a manga that the anime was based on and I found the weekly magazine where it was serialized. In the beginning, I was dubious. I didn't see why there needed to be both a manga and an anime. Like, why do the same thing twice? How-ever, after I saw them both it made sense because each had its own idiosyncracies. REALQ: Did your parents say anything to you about reading manga? Yukimura: No, they never said anything. They came from a generation who said reading manga made you an idiot, but they didn't say any-thing. They didn't say anything when I told them at 16 that I wanted to draw manga, either.

REALQ: Was there anything that your parents, siblings, or people around you would say to you often?

Yukimura: There certainly must have been various things, but I don't remember because I was probably concentrating on something else at the time and didn't hear them. However, one thing I do remember is being told to watch out for cars. Like, at the very least, try not to die. [Laughs] Nevertheless, I really did get into a traffic accident. Once, on my way to the park to play with my friends, I ran out into the street and got hit on the side by a sedan. I rolled over the top of the car—the hood, wind-shield, top, rear window, then the trunk. Strangely, I wasn't seriously injured and played in the park afterwards. Actually, there was also another incident.    My sister and I were riding together in a car. It was just the two of us and as we were going down a hill, a car suddenly appeared and we hit its side. I was sitting in the backseat and was launched forward like a catapult. My sister was so surprised she called out, "Mako, you're flying!" Strangely, I wasn't injured that time either, and we decided not to tell our mother. [Laughs] REALQ: Did your way of thinking change after the accident? Yukimura: I think that if it did change, I wasn't conscious of it. Despite being a near-death experience, it was a miracle I wasn't injured. My mother getting angry at me afterward was more frightening. [Laughs] In terms of my "way of thinking," I'm a little different. Like something in me is lacking. It's often the case that for some reason I don't fully comprehend a conversation even if I'm really trying to concentrate on what the other person is saying. What's the reason? If I'm honest about it, it's because I'll start thinking about something else, even if it's just for a moment. REALQ: Did you also have trouble paying attention during class at school? Yukimura: Yeah. Especially classes that didn't interest me. I continued to have this problem in high school, where I'd often be sitting in class and before I realized it, the bell would ring. However, my notebook would have stuff drawn in it...manga. REALQ: Didn't teachers or friends say anything? 

Yukimura: In high school, I didn't have much of a social life, so nobody said anything. I went to reasonably academic schools [REALQ Editor's note: Yukimura graduated from Chuo University and Suginami High School] and my peers studied quite hard. The feeling that I was so different from most of the people around me had a big effect on me. I didn't fit in. I lived in my own world.

REALQ: Did student life give you anxiety? Yukimura: Anxiety was the only thing I really felt. In a way, isn't school a microcosm for society? Despite it being a microcosm, there's this feeling of being left behind. That made me really anxious and sad. But as a result of suffering in this way, I realized that society existed out-side of this microcosm—a kind of society that I had never experienced inside the microcosm of school.

REALQ :What lead you to have this epiphany? Yukimura: It occurred to me out of the blue one day when I was feeling totally devastated. I was 16. One autumn day after school I thought to myself, "I'll finish high school because if I don't, it will make my parents sad. But participating in a society reflected in this kind of microcosm will be impossible." It was just like that moment when a cup is filled to the brim with water and suddenly the surface tension breaks and it overflows.  However, thinking this made me feel better. Until that point, the "ruler" for determining success since the first year of high school had been getting good grades, getting into a good college, and then finding a job with a good company. This ruler contained within it a system of values for how one should live their life. When I decided that this was not the ruler I wanted to use to measure my own life, things became a lot easier for me. I used to get burnt out worrying so much about getting decent enough grades that would allow me to get into university. Like, "please let me just graduate!" Realizing that there was another way to live was a lifesaver. 

Of course, I think it made my parents nervous. In that era, there was still a deeply rooted notion that one's academic background was im-portant and working for a good company made you a good person. Back then, this was like saying, "Your child is the type of kid who won't find their way in the world." It was like throwing away the most important ruler and replacing it with a new ruler that was a little bent and covered with indecipherable markings. [Laughs]    REALQ: Was there anyone from your high school days who had an influence on you? Yukimura: A teacher who taught classical literature. He was apparently a teacher with quite bizarre interpretations of the material. More than anything else, what left the greatest impression on me was when he used class time to talk about how wonderful Michael Ende was [REALQ Editor's note: a German writer of children's fiction]. He introduced me to The Never Ending Story. Once I knew about Michael Ende, he became an influence on me. It was the first book I knew of in which someone wrote a book because he had a sense of obligation and a goal in relation to society and the world. I thought that someone who wrote a book because he felt that it was something he had to do was a rather beautiful thing to wish for. REALQ: Next up... Yukimura discusses the connection between himself and Thorfinn Karlsefni, the protagonist of his Vinland Saga. Is there anything that makes you hesitate when you draw your manuscripts? 

Yukimura: For characters, it's probably the hands. Hands take time to do well. The strength of a character's grip on a sword, for example. Male and female hands are hard to differentiate, too. Hands are the most expressive part of a character, after the face. 

I've heard that you can tell a person's personality from their hands, so I always look at them. [Laughs]    You can fake a facial expression, but your hands will show how hard you work or how hard you don't. If you show the character's life in their hands, you'll get a good result. REALQ: When did you start paying attention to how you drew hands? Yukimura: Since I was young. But I still find it difficult now. When I look at the work of other manga artists, sometimes the faces are well drawn, but the hands are not. To put it bluntly, if I were to choose among artists, I would choose them by how they draw their hands. REALQ: Is there anyone whose work you reference? Yukimura: I'm especially influenced by artists with high amounts of realism. When it comes to hands, it's gotta be Katsuhiro Otomo. 

It's not just his hands, though. It's everything. [Laughs] 

Also, the young, up-and-coming artists are all quite good. Their hands are pretty, but you can see the structure clearly as well. REALQ: Any thoughts on these hands? [While looking at Sigurd's hands in the manuscript] Yukimura: Yes. These hands are drawn fairly well. In Sigurd's case, de-spite the muscularity, his hands are not rough. That's because he has his underlings do the tough work. In Thorfinn's case, he has many small cuts, and there is more cracked and peeling skin.

REALQ: Are there any scenes in Vinland Saga strongly influenced by your own experience? Yukimura: When Thorfinn is on his knees, apologizing. [Laughs] The part where he says, "Please. I won't ask you to forgive me, but allow me to live a bit longer." I've been drawing manga for 20 years. There's always a shadow of guilt that hangs over me. I'm sorry for being so selfish. So, I feel I have to, at the very least, draw something that readers will love... I'm nothing without that. Thorfinn is a young viking from medieval Europe. Since his teens, he's pillaged, fought in wars, and done many other terrible things. His feelings change as he grows, and he starts to feel guilt for his past actions. The ghosts of those he killed appears in his dreams, and he is ravaged by nightmares.    I am only here today because of the care of those around me. I am truly thankful. If anything about Thorfinn comes from my experiences, it has to be this. In his current state, the protagonist has no right to convict anyone else. No matter what kind of scoundrel he meets, Thorfinn always feels that he has done something worse in the past. I think it's good this way.

REALQ: Did you know from the beginning that Thorfinn would become the way he did? Yukimura: Yeah. The story began with the premise that the protagonist is fated to have done many terrible things. He goes from being the oppressor to being the oppressed, and in doing so, he learns many things and becomes an adult. He then departs, saying, "I will go to a new land beyond the sea and build a peaceful country." That is an escape from the values that dominated European society. They do not feel that it is bad to wage war and plunder other countries. And, although their opponents are human beings, they believe they have the right to make the weak into slaves and kill them if they need be. In the society of that time, such things were seen as good things. Thorfinn experiences—and hates—both. But he is powerless to change the system... So he decides to leave. There will be terrible bloodshed if he decides to change the world. So he leaves it to Canute. Because Canute has the power and the shorter path. "I am different," he says. "I will live in a different way." When I put it into words, it seems like a lot of what I think is reflected in my work. [Laughs]

REALQ: From your childhood experiences and your writing process, I get the feeling you are a perfectionist who doesn't com-promise when it comes to goals or ideals. Do the people around you feel the same way? 

Yukimura: I think I am a perfectionist. In the past, my seniors and teachers would say, "If 100 points is amazing work and 0 points is nothing, it's easy to get to 80 points. However, each point beyond that is incredibly difficult. Past 90, it's so rough that you'll start spitting blood. And nobody gets to 100." I don't know if, by absolute standards, my work is at 80 points. But, for my own standards, I care a lot about each of those 1 or 2 points beyond 80. I care so much that others see the changes I make and say, "He pushed back the deadline for this? What's changed?" [Laughs] I've even rewritten an entire manuscript before. REALQ: Is it really rough when you have to throw out a whole manuscript? Yukimura: It's sad that to know the work won't produce results, but the worst possible thing for me is to feel regret afterwards. If I can choose to suffer for a brief moment as I draw, then I'll do it. The regrets afterward stay around much longer... REALQ: Are you happy about the reactions of your overseas readers? Yukimura: Yeah. It's encouraging to know they like my work. Especially when I heard some of them were reading Vinland Saga side-by-side with a dictionary. I forgot which language they were translating from and into, though. [Laughs]

REALQ: Let me change the subject: Advice from adults to children... Do you think it's important to emphasize the importance of having dreams? Should we tell kids to have dreams and tell them their dreams will come true? Yukimura: I used to think dreams were just desires. However, I was a good-for-nothing back then, so I think I was being resentful. [Laughs] At the very least, I don't think doing whatever you want to do is a beautiful thing. That's just you doing what you want to do. The truly beautiful things are helping others, volunteering, things like that... Finding a home for a stray dog, or doing things that no other person wants to do—that's beautiful.    This includes me, but to do what you want to do is simply selfishness. I received my role in society, but I couldn't carry it out. I wasn't a modest enough person for that. I said such things because I thought I would do what I wanted to do no matter what other people said to me. It's the same for everyone, I think. Those who do what they want and succeed are simply the ones who ended up with a place in society. It's a miracle. After all, what some people want is to carry out meaningless terrorism... But it's the same thing. Both are "dreams." REALQ: If you could give an hour of advice to your younger self, what would you say? Yukimura: I'd say, reflexively, to be 3 times as careful of oncoming traffic. [Laughs] More seriously, I'd say, "You're worried that you're inferior to others. But don't worry." I'd tell myself that there isn't only one ruler to mea-sure yourself by. "Humans come in all sorts," I'd say. "There's not a single number line that we all stand on." Text by Shuta Miura

[yoonstudios]

hello hello it's ✨vent post time✨

i really don't have a clue how long this is gonna be, but i do have a lot of things to get off my chest. im extremely nervous since not once in my 16 years of living have i expressed the amount of thoughts and emotions im about to share now. and i never tell any of this to my parents nor my closest friends i've known for years, so i have absolutely no idea why im telling it to a bunch of strangers. the main reason i don't tell anyone is because i think i'll be thought of as stupid, irrational, weak, or that i might been seen as so strange, no one will associate with me. and there is a chance i might make this post private but who knows. so, here we go.

im scared as hell. just terrified. it's a simple start but there are so many reasons why. for one, the world is so unpredictable and untrustworthy. i truly want to be a contributing member of society; talking about politics, helping with world problems, and connecting with other people to discuss ideas. but, as many of you can probably relate to, it's terrifying. i want to learn about the world, and it's problems of course, but something is always telling me, "why should you trust anyone?" and i know you should trust not all people, because there are definitely bad people out there. but over time, i've begun to stop trusting even the people close to me, like my parents, my closest friends, and even my religion at times ((i'll get to that here soon))

i don't know why i'm like this, but that's just what happened. even with no logical reasoning on why i shouldn't trust anything, i just don't. for example, when i watch the news, i barely trust any of it; i'm constantly afraid that people put some spin on it, or just flat out lie about it. of course, people always say to do your own research to figure it out, but even then 'im afraid that it's a lie too. i don't know if i'm just too skeptical or what, but i've just slowly begun to not trust literally anything said or written, even by the most trusted people. i don't trust myself one bit either.

society says, "oh just be yourself, and have your own opinions! stop thinking about what everyone else says!" but there's two problems with that. one, my actual self might not be the one you like, and two, i don't know who the fuck i am.

i've tried to shut out everyone else's voices and only listen to mine, but i only find dead silence. i'm being 100% honest when i say i that i truly don't know what i'm for or against, what my opinions are on anything, or who to trust. it's just- how do we truly know what's right or wrong? it's not just black and white anymore, it's just a gray foggy area of morality. i'm also an extreme, and i mean extreme perfectionist. i don't say, or argue for or against anything unless i'm sure, with all my heart, soul, and my entire being, that it's right/wrong. the same with supporting something or going against it. so i try to research the topic as much as possible, but then the thought of "why should you trust anyone?" comes back, so i start not trusting literally anything again. are you starting to get this endless loop. it sucks. it's sucks so fucking bad. and so, i try faith. which ends up failing miserably.

i don't know if you all know this yet but, yes, i do consider myself as a christian ((this is because of a series of spiritual experiences i had when i was younger that i can vaguely remember but i won't talk about because im 100% certain y'all want believe me lol)) but what i've learned is there's a difference between belief and faith. do i believe that jesus died on the cross for our sins? the fuck yes. do i have faith that the dude will forgive my sins? most of the time, no. i will be completely honest, my two biggest weaknesses are patience and faith. i am absolutely horrible at having these two things.

the main reason why i'm still barely holding on to my religion is because of bts. yes, a boy band. it might be just a boy band to you, but they are half the reason why i still want to be alive. when people don't accept me for my religion, for my personality, for the way i think, bts is always there, when no one else is. and i swear, bts is proof that God does exist, and that He truly cares about His people.

i want to connect to other people though, but i just can't. up until about 3rd grade, i was extremely extroverted and talkative, but my entire being drastically changed in one year. just one year, and i don't know exactly what happened, but i soon became a very skeptical, quiet, and honestly, a pretty cold person ((i'm not talking about some emo phase -_-)) and this resulted in me losing so many friends. like a lot, because i didn't talk nowhere near as much as i had before but now i just genuinely feel.. empty.

i can barely get through a single conversation because some part of my brain starts panicking and thinking the other person is severely judging me along with other things. so 5 minutes through a conversation i have to run to the nearest bathroom to calm down from the anxiety attack that i'm experiencing and good God what do you know, now i'm crying. why? because i talked to someone. i'm aware that it's illogical to have all this anxiety, but that doesn't mean it stops just like that. and when you have people around you that make you feel bad for it, it doesn't improve anything.

for so many years i've had struggles to keep friendships and relationships and i actually couldn't figure out why. i try to talk, but i don't talk barely because, again, my mind is always saying, "this person is untrustworthy and has bad intentions. they don't feel right and god knows what they'll do if you give them any information about you. just don't talk." and, yes, other people my age have tried to talk to me and asked how i'm doing but i would usually with "i'm alright." and just leave it at that. i genuinely don't know what to say and, again, i want to connect with people so bad. but the thing is, when i do talk, people just.. avoid me after..?

and i have absolutely no clue why, because i talk about things that other people talk about. the only thing people have come up to me for is for their personal problems, and pretty much nothing else. i would help them of course, but i just never felt like i've truly connected with any person. i had a friend group, and i mainly just helped people with their problems, my bestest friend at the time ((not the one who cut me off recently, im talking about different one who i went to school with)) soon started mocking me because of my religion with the stereotypes that are usually spread around with it (christians being homophobes; which i am not)) and after i became more and more quiet, i just stopped associating with them, and my closest friend of time stopped talking with me too, for good.

even now, with my small friend group ((me and 3 other friends of mine)), i still feel like i'm not really doing anything, i'm just.. there. i do participate more than i did before and i think i'm a bit more engaging, but it still feels fake. and bear in mind, i've been friends with them for almost 7 years, so i know them well! but still feel like i'm not truly there, and i still have a strong anxiety that they don't really want me there, or i'm just ruining everything. it's so fucking angering too, because even when you show the anxiety that what it's saying is stupid and illogical, the anxiety doesn't give two shits, and still bothers you endlessly.

there have been so many times where i've stayed up late at night with massive storms of anxiety and pushed every single thing that brings me comfort ((religion, bts, etc.)) because i am just overtaken by this belief that relying on literally anything is considered weakness and that any sort of dependence only brings downfall. also, again, my trust in anything just becomes completely non-existent i become so self-critical, so much that i surprise myself. but these are on my most extreme worst days however, and those aren't as common as they used to be, but they are definitely still there.

now for my chronic illnesses. i know they don't seem like much, but i've been experiencing ibs ((irritable bowel syndrome)) and severe gerd ((gastroesophageal reflux disease)) since birth, and, after a while, it starts wearing you down, badly. lately, eating has become my least favorite part of the day. at the very bottom of the list. the thing is with gerd, or mine at least, you get acid reflux from everything. i mean it. the other day i took my finger to taste some frosting, a pinkie size amount, and ate the frosting. i got horrible acid reflux 5 minutes later and i soon learned that it does not matter how small of an amount of food i eat, if i just, even just the slightest amount, i'll have a horrible taste in my mouth, sometimes have trouble swallowing, even have heartburn, even from less than a bit. often times even a crumb will trigger it.

esophageal spasms will happen too, which are painful, severe contractions that are often confused with heart attacks, and some people have gone to the hospital just to be told that they just had an esophageal spasm. and let me tell you, it genuinely feels like one. from my experience, they last for about five minutes, but it feels so much longer.

but i'm starting to not like eating, at all, and i almost considered stopping, but 'im underweight, which would make things so much worse. one day, i just truly want to eat a meal and genuinely enjoy it. i want to have a meal and not have so many cramps and re-occuring nausea and horrible acid reflux and heartburn and esophageal spasms because of it. i really just want to eat something and dread the pain that will inevitably follow after.

overall, i'm just scared. i'm scared of what my future will look like, since still don't know what i'm standing for or against, since i'm so fucking clueless about everything, and just cannot keep a stable connection with anyone i've met. i truly just want to feel okay and alright. i want all the worries and unbearable anxieties that cloud my mind to go away for at least one day. i want one day where i can be happy with not a care in the world and not worry about if what i'm doing is right or wrong and be able to eat happily and not want to throw up just because i took a small sip of water. i want to be able to not worry about if i need to get surgery or something serious done on me just because my insides don't know how to fucking function at all. i want to stop getting news from the doctors that some parts of me are getting worse as the months go by because of my chronic illnesses. i want to stop worrying. i truly just want to be okay.

[rainbow-universe]

What Makes Me Mad

(i was too lazy to find the original but ... )

so im angry. why? you ask. This. ^ This Right Here Is Why.

So I’m graduating this year and even tho it’s Covid and regulations and all I got a grad jumpsuit for celebration/pictures/whatnot and what-have-you. And it’s a halter top-bareback kinda thing (AND HAS FREAKING POCKETS TOO!!) and basically my armpits are there for the world to see if my arms are not pressed against my sides.

I don’t shave my armpits. I don’t shave my legs. And in our wonderful western society! (sarcasm) people think women should be hairless. I am not. And with my dark coarse hair my body hair is visible.

Now today, I was trying on my jumpsuit and feeling self conscious bc yes I have body hair, I had this faNtAsTiC conversation with my mom.

A Paraphrased and Not Verbatim Summary of the Conversation I Had With My Mom About My Body Hair (Because My Memory Is Very Faulty)

Mom : You need to shave your armpits

Me : Why

Mom : Because you can see your armpit hair

Me : My brother doesn’t shave, Dad doesn’t shave

Mom : They are men, they don’t need to shave, it’s normal. You are a woman

Me : That’s sexist

yep. so im angry. bc ,,, yes i am a woman and yes i have body hair and i am proud of it. even tho i often feel self conscious bc of it.

LET PEOPLE EXIST WITHOUT SHAMING THEM FOR THEIR SELF EXPRESSION AND PRESENTATION!!

long personal story:

yes i have shaved. and i felt extremely self conscious at the beginning of grade 9 when i wore shorts in gym class and you could see my hairy legs. so i shaved. my legs and then armpits. but my razor dulled and then it was useless and i didn’t have another and i didn’t feel comfortable asking my mom to buy me one. so i had to grow out my hair. and ya know what gave me a lil bit of confidence? reading a tumblr post about werewolves having body hair. and so i wore that. i told myself i was a werewolf with body hair and no one could make me feel bad about it. and yes my (undiagnosed) anxiety probably worked really hard against me to make me think that people were talking about me behind my back and making fun of my body hair and whatnot but people can be horrible. i still shaved my armpits when i could, and when i got a razor i did, but by then id gotten used to having body hair and was gaining confidence and spite. EXCEPT i figure skated on a synchro team. and it was a requirement that the women on the team shave their armpit hair. and that hurt. that just felt like a stab in the chest bc,,, i had to. i was made to. and that sucked. (but then Covid came and everything was cancelled and i don’t shave) but i also did Track & Field. and in the summer it was outside. outside is warm so i wore tank tops. and i wasn’t shaving (regularly) so i had armpit hair. and my mom was like You Have To Shave and i was like why and she was like Because Body Hair On Women Is Gross.

u know the only person who’s ever really (repeatedly) commented on my body hair?? my mom. i am very bitter about this. all i want to do is shout in her face WELL IF YOURE NOT CONFIDENT ABOUT YOUR BODY THATS YOUR PROBLEM!! but i don’t. bc im non confrontational and have anxiety. and i need this to be a safe space bc i live with my parents and brother. ugh.

i was just really pissed abt this for so long and needed to rant. (bc she KEEPS MENTIONING IT! SHE KEEPS SAYING I HAVE LONG HAIR, I NEED TO SHAVE, MY DARK HAIR IS VERY VISIBLE, MY LEG HAIR IS VERY COARSE. UGHHHHHHHHH STOP IT YES I KNOW AND I CHOOSE TO HAVE MY BODY HAIR THE WAY IT IS SO STOP SHAMING ME FOR IT!!!)

anyways HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MY FELLOW QUEERS!! 🖤🤎💗🤍❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

(remember to try and support BIPOC and/or queer businesses when you can!! bc we wouldn’t be here today without black trans women)

[thoughtsandthecity]

Α Mature Peach

Without knowing where I go or what I do ,as always, an early Friday morning I found myself in the waitting room of a hospital clinic. It’s the clinic that every woman has to face the fact that she’s simply a woman and it’s none other than the gynecologist’s waitting room.

Having to wear a mask all the damn time, I wasn’t able to see other’s women faces but the room had this heavy atmosphere, like every other women didn’t like each other. I felt nervous and angry as time was passing by. Many women were coming and going I felt like I was a lasbian, something was really pressuring me and I had to get out of there. I was watching all those huge women with their huge bellys being in pain, others complaining, an old lady with a small tube stuck in her vagina so she could be able to pee in the bag full of urine that she was holding. Humiliating I thought, I kinda felt sorry for all those women, and now I were one of them. 

Many emergency cases later I was called in the room. A doctor invited me in a smaller room. She asked me what the problem was. After my answer she looked me in the eyes. << Are you having sex?>>. << No I am not>>. She gave me a harsh look. << I’m sorry but if you are not having sex we can’t help you>>. I felt like a brick was thrown at my face. << Excuse me?>>. She repeated that she didn’t know how to help me and she would call the attending doctor. Meanwhile, I was waitting in an ugly cold white room an other doctor called me at a different small white ugly room. She asked me to sit and started asking: << Did you ever had a stroke? Heart faillure? Chirrhosis of the liver? Alchool adiction? Drug addiction? Did you ever had a surgery in your belly? Are you smoking? Do you have any helth problems? Are you eatting healthy? Ever had cancer?>>. I almost cought myself screamming << NO!>> after 2-3 questions. All those questions scared the F out of me, I am only 18 and all those senarios felt so real... I panicked.

She found out I was lucking iron, she also prescribed me magnisioum, a strong medicine for the pain as I was diagnosed with a period disease that causes pain, and a medicine to keep my stomach healthy after the use of all those drugs. Without asking me she also suggested me to use contraceptive later. I left the hospital feeling like a broken machine, they said 18 would be fun and the best age but this summer I don’t feel like that for sure. 

After buying those 4 drugs, I found myself home not accepting the fact that I had to swallow those drugs for some months and 2 of them possibly for the rest of my life. I threw away the first pill and went to sleep. Not today, take your time to accept the situation, you are tired now I thought to myself.

Three hours of deep sleep later, I had to wake up. Me and my familly were goign to visit a relative of ours, she had given birth 5 months ago and the first time we visited her she was facing after birth depression. By the time we got there her sister gave us some rules we had to follow as she was still recovering and trying hard to adapt at the situation.  We were not allowed to criticise her, to talk about anything negative, we had to follow the rules she was asking us to for the safety of her baby and we shouldn’t be loud as long as she didn’t like noise neither for her or her baby. Such a vulnerable situation, and that didn’t make me feel any better may I mention. 

The beggining was hard, I wasn’t in the mood and so did the relative. All the other familly members were trying hard to keep it going and calm. After my favourite jam cookies, cheesecake ice cream, chips and chicken pizza everything was fine. I had the chance to speak with the mommy of the baby, she talked to me about her after birth depression, we also talked about my problem, our news and the baby. It’s worthless to mention that the baby was an angel. I felt a deep connecton after playing with her. Later she needed to eat, her mother pulled out her breast in front of everyone and started breast feeding the baby. In the beggining I felt uncomfortable and looke from the other side, but then I couldn’t stop giving looks. The woman was shining. It was a strong pic, not a vulnerable one anymore. It wasn’t shame. I asked if I could paint her and her baby in this position. She smiled at me touched and said she would love to see this painting hugging from her wall. It was indeed beautiful, motherhood is beautiful, life, strength, future, light, hope. When I was younger I felt sorry for the pregnant women, the mothers. I was thinking that they were inferior, they had a man to take care of and a baby, no time for theirselves. I still feel sorry sometimes but now I am also looking on the bright side of the situation. I felt a little amazed but still mercy for them. 

In conclusion, being a woman is hard, growing up is hard, turning into a mature peach is hard. You don’t have to get the meaning of it, you just have to figure things out, how to survive it. Motherhood, sex, giving birth, gainning kilos, losing killos, being better or worse than other woman, having competition, having period , having health problems because of being a woman, being criticised by the society for pretty much anything you do, having after birth depression for giving life, safocating, sucrifising your dreams, passion and body, having a father who is beatting you and your mother, being called hore, being called high maintance for taking care of yourself and keeping your standards high, not being able to get in the church because you are ‘’dirty’’ for having your period, being emotional, being slutty, being afraid to walk home at night, doesn’t make any sense. It’s all part of being a woman in the society we live in. It feels weak to be a woman in a society like this. Im not complaining though, we go around thinking that we are the only ones facing problems but men have their own demonds  to face too. I ‘m just saying that they are in a more priviledged place. All of the above are part of growing up as a woman, it doesn’t surprise me, the thing is are you able to survive them? To make the difference, to keep your head up high? Because if yes, if you find your way to face them, you will realise that you don’t have to make sense,to find a way to dance away, to shake off  the dust of being a woman, the dust society gave you, to love yourself and live your life, to be happy after all that’s all the sense you need to understand.

P.s. I took the medicine

untill next time

 xoxo

[jaehyunskitten22]

I completely understand everything that you're going through because I myself am experiencing that as well, and I'm so so so so happy for Adele as long as she's happy but her losing weight and everyone's reactions are kind of triggering to me....? Like I love that she's living her best life now but so many people are like 'omg she looks so much better now' and I can't help but think that everyone hates fat people but doesn't say anything?? It makes me kinda sad honestly

*TW: discussions of weightloss/drastic weightloss*

I think its important for us to make the distinction to ourselves that adele losing weight is not the problem. The problem is how people reacted to it. (I’m not saying that you specifically believe her weight loss was the issue, as a whole i’ve just noticed people lump it all together like that)

Society likes to tell us that weightloss is a success story. That if youre fat you should spend your whole life trying to get skinny. That you don’t mean anything or you’re not worthy until you lose weight. Its not true. You (and adele) are so much more than a before and after picture. One is not suddenly better for losing weight. They just lost weight, and thats hard and im so proud of anyone that can do it, but at the end of the day its just weight. I’m not saying that one shouldnt be proud of themselves. What im saying is that its not about weight. Weight isnt important. Health is important.

As for the “she looks so much better now comments”, i know exactly what you mean. When people say that, they are implying that one cant be fat and look good. You have to lose weight first. And i hate that mentality

Its also important for us to get rid of the idea in our mind that skinny=healthy or skinny=happy, because it doesn’t. Even i sometimes find myself thinking those thoughts, and theyre almost impossible to get rid of because i have been taught that my whole life, but its not true. Happiness and health depend on so much more than weight.

We don’t know what people are actually going through behind closed doors. For example, one of the girls i went to high school with (beautiful, smart, sweet girl) randomly dropped a lot of weight. She was not overweight before hand. She was actually probably more average than anything. No one had ever really said anything about her weight before. But after she lost all that weight people said that she “looked so good now” or that she was so thin now, as if it was a good thing. Wanna know why she dropped all of that weight? She was really sick. It wasnt intentional at all. Does she look good after all of that weightloss? Yes. But did she look good before? Also yes.

People 100% hate fat people. Like theres no doubt in my mind. But most of them cover it up with “being concerned about health” which is a load of garbage. Does being overweight commonly cause health issues down the road? Yes, studies have proven that. But so does drinking. And smoking. And drug use. But you don’t see comments from people who are “concerned about health” underneath pictures of all of that. They don’t care about health. They care about shaming people into matching societies standard of beauty.

Are fat people just as capable of being beautiful as the next person? Yes. Are fat people capable of being healthy too? Yes. But it should not matter. You do not have to be beautiful or healthy in order to be deserving of respect and kindness. You are a human being. And that is enough. Humans deserve respect, full stop. Appearance has nothing to do with it. Always keep that in mind.

I hope it didnt seem like i was going off on you, because that wasn’t my intention and if it did feel like that i apologize. I just have a lot of feelings about society and fatness and i got carried away. I love you and i hope you know that you are worthy of respect and decency, no matter what 🥺💖

[ineffablefool]

(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you.

[gdreamzseternal]

I’d like to thank

@myradfemblog for finding an extremely old porn blog of mine. I forgot it existed and it actually makes me sick to see that I was role playing such sick disgusting trauma that I went through thinking it would help when it made me so much worse. Thank you for abusing me over something I repeatedly asked you to give me the link to because I wasn’t going to go through your slander about me to find it.

I want to also say thanks because you pointing that out and me seeing that made me cry both from being triggered and realizing how far I’ve come. That I am extremely kink critical now. When I used to be heavily into it. That I don’t whore myself out anymore because “sex work makes me strong”. God I used to genuinely believe that. Makes me sick. I was so so sick. I was still victimizing myself back then...

But now.. I am a survivor.

Everyone advocated for and ignored the dangers of extreme methods of “beat the child into submission”. (Looking at you old people) It’s so sad cause I still see it now. The way a person who I had a normal discussion with suddenly gets to violently abuse me and degrade me just because they didn’t like what I had to say. Sounds like abusive parents. Everything’s cool til it’s not.

My dad beat my ass cause at 9 years old because I looked him in the eyes and told him to stop drinking cause he was being mean. Telling the truth got me abused. Look at that what a surprise.

Humans communicate differently than other creatures on the planet. Does that mean the other creatures don’t communicate? No. That just means they do things different. They don’t need vaccines because they were meant to survive and live here. If humans didn’t have their science we would all be dead! We are in a race with the planet to see who can kill who first. Will we kill the planet (which kills us too idiots) or will the planet eradicate us via disease and natural disasters and heal itself and start over (we still dead). Or do we chill on our population and help the earth heal by bein more considerate of our surroundings. Yeah none of you like me because I say it how it is without thinking about how it will affect any of you. So that means you get to abuse me. I’m not hurting anyone by simply sharing my views. Yet I am being hurt for speaking my views. I’m not actively slitting the throats of disabled people. I’m not saying we have to round up the retards that already exist and just shoot them. They should just be left in their natural form. Yeah give artificial limbs out cause that’s science but giving a nasty fat fuck a wheel chair cause boohoo they can’t loose weight? Nah true waste of resources. I’m saying we use the science that is our only advantage to prevent that from ever happening again.

All I’m doing is talking on MY BLOG. & I get death threats and told I should be raped by my father all over again. Simply for sharing my feelings on what will 1000000% save the greater good. It doesn’t even have to be permanent. Imagine if every grown man had to get a vasectomy for the next 20 years til all the excited potential parents get throughly processed to see if they are psychologically, psychically, financially and home stable to have children. Then there is a massive database of all the adorable kids waiting to find homes and they get to meet and have a 30 day period where THE CHILD decides if they like their new potential parents. Every couple/person wanting to adopt can adopt up to 2 kids and the kids get a say too.

Humans are not special and I don’t care if you disagree with me. Yet for some reason we literally act like gods gift (complete pun intended) That think who fucking cares what we do to everything around us including ourselves because this is OUR EARTH. We can do what WE WANT. Blah blah blah. Then the WHITE MEN put control on EVERYONE. Then slowly we colored folk said fuck you and made our own lives cause who gives a flying fuck about someone’s skin color except for white people. Then the humans just started literally takin over. Who cares if a bunch of birds nests lived in this tree? I want my new condo that I spend 2-3 months a year in right fucking here so the homes of those birds don’t matter. Let’s massively hunt these animals into extinction for our pleasure. (Okay Hitlers)

We are selfish

I wasn’t raised like you. I wasn’t raised by anyone but my own fucking brain. I never had any positive influences but the voices in my head. We see the world for what it is and not the false reality im creating for myself. I won’t even say ‘most’ if you were raised right because even today in 2019 the system and adults hide the abuse and damage that is really happening. Clearly this whole system isn’t working.

I was raised that literally everything in the whole world was both good and bad. So I learned to be objective and unbiased. Your feelings are what get you killed. Ask any dead kid who didn’t speak up about their abusive parents. And any bleeding out gangbanger who got felt offended by a color and killed someone over it. Someone who felt the desire to get high cause they have no self control and killed some to get $$. But it wasn’t them because even though they felt the need to do the drugs it wasn’t their fault.

So why are we going to keep adding more and more children to the solution when we don’t even know what to do with the poor innocent souls that we have now? We just pretend it’s not that big a deal and keep adding feul (the kids) to the fire (the shitty system). CLEARLY you all know there’s a problem and nothing any of you are doing is working.

So when do we take extreme measures? When do we ACTUALLY make a change. We have nuclear bombs hell ANY bomb and those are okay “when absolutely necessary” but allowing people to have kids they can’t afford, can’t raise, got raped into them, got one night standed with, can’t handle. A BOMB AFFECTS HUMANS AND THE ENVIRONMENT NEGATIVELY. Humans getting neutered (since that’s what you call it for other creatures) will effect the world positively. The bombs are okay though? We can MASS destroy life but we can’t mass PREVENT it from having to be destroyed or emotionally ruined in the first place? Not forever just til we get our shit together.

The abominations and retards. That’s EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE that’s why no one likes when you mention it. They are like the endless elephant in the room. I will die by the quote, “A few bad apples ruins the whole barrel”. We think that it��s perfectly okay to keep adding bad genes to our makeup while simultaneously praying we live forever. It’s so tiresomely contradicting.

If you can all make such a fucking effort for these retard abominations that you breed. Then you can STOP breeding COMPLETELY until you give the kids homes that need them. Those kids will be more likely to become doctors getting adopted out to good homes. Then if they get left to rot in a shitty system while they walk in a grocery store with their mean foster mom and see a happy young couple PREGNANT with their first child when they could have adopted him. If you choose to give birth instead of adopting then you might as well walk up to a kid in a foster/group home and tell them they are garbage and ain’t ever going anywhere.

I still haven’t had my question answered... why does ANY HUMAN ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET need to breed when there are already so many homeless children?

So what is it are we going to stop breeding and adopt all the kids out to good homes that have been more throughly evaluated than a simple background check and having enough beds and money?

Are we going to keep creating a whole brand new system for the retards when the perfectly able children who would flourish with good parents system is still completely fucked?

Giving whole TV shows to literal human abominations for entertainment. Or humans that are forced to overbreed or sickly do it “for religious reasons”. You get to see how much their disability/struggles makes their life so hard but they are so ~brave and strong~ because society would rather force conjoined twins to spend their lives together or die trying to separate because human euthanasia is wrong until a human kills another human???????

Where does that make sense.

We are going to keep worrying more about the dysfunctional, malfunctioned, rejects of our society before the regular ones? We are going to keep following fake gods we have no proof of so that we don’t have to accept the realities of human nature.

Are we going to not do anything and ignore all the clear issues and keep adding more kids?

The same can be said about the immigrant shit in America. We have so many problems we don’t need anymore people and this place is fucked why would you wanna come here anyway? (I digress on this)

Are we going to keep throwing children out like trash in hopes that someone else will raise the busted nut you let fester in your womb?

Like out of those which one of these which one is the best option? Because all but one are things we are already doing and it isn’t working.

So hate me for being unbiased. But as my therapist (yes I discuss this with BOTH my Ts to make sure I am not delusional) put it. I am not looking at it for the benefit of humans. I’m looking at the benefit of the earth as a whole. I don’t want humans to all die off. But if it’s what it has to take in order for this planet to survive then so be it. There are so many other species, creatures, life on this Planet.

To put it simply you’re all simpleminded.

There is no god because Humans seem to think they are god. & we can breed, have our technology, have our vaccines. But as long as we are still over breeding and not adequately using our resources....

The Human Rights we are fighting for will not matter if there is nothing for the humans to live on.

This Earth is our home and there are too many of us right now. Too many of us doing too many wrong things.

Focus on the Human Wrongs then there will be no need for Human Rights because they will realize they are all just another species on this glorious and beautiful earth.

I know none of you were take anything from this.

You all were taught one way or you think one way and that is it there can’t be any other way and anyone else who thinks differently than that is wrong but at the end of the day my ideas are what will save humanity your ideas are what will destroy it. Your safe space will be irrelevant if you have no where to put it.

A human’s need to add feeling and emotion to everything is our biggest flaw.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk Typing Podcast

[fillianore-moved]

this is just a very long and unfortunate list of incorrect quotes i’ve compiled for the fe3h squad + my oc (aka cassia montal, who’s the assistant teacher at the monastery and is romancing jeritza)! i just needed a way to develop her and all the relationships there more, and this is the result, so it’s completely self-indulgent, lazy and frankly pretty silly, but still i had fun and developed her and her relationships a lot during this process! @highoverseer and @koroleyva i’m tagging you two because idk anyone else who’d care at all for this flaming pile of trash packed into a fe3h package uwu 🌷🌼🌸

-------------

byleth: how long have you been sleeping with cassia?

jeritza: that’s disgusting. and wrong. i don’t even get… why would... i…i’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. it’s none of your… you have… the nerve, the audacity… cassia is my colleague, technically. and she is terrible, face-wise. and how… how... do i know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with her? maybe you are. maybe you’re trying to throw me off? hmm? check and mate.

------------

cassia dies.

annette is sobbing

dimitri is heartbroken

edelgard is trying to do a satanic ritual with hubert to bring her back

claude is stapling memes to her coffin

-----------

byleth: you dropped your dyn- dy- dyna… mite…

byleth: uh… what else have you got in there?

cassia: oh… gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and… paperclips. big ones.

cassia: uou know. just office supplies.

-----------

cassia to annette: when you turn 18, people are gonna try and tell you to buy drugs or cigarettes because you can. no. you know what else is legal to buy at 18? blades. get yourself a damn sword. a big knife is also okay.

----------

cassia: we both look very beautiful tonight.

jeritza: you know, if you- if you’d just said I look beautiful, I would’ve said “so do you”.

cassia: i couldn’t take that chance.

-----------

dorothea: you need a hobby.

cassia: i have a hobby.

dorothea: staring at jeritza’s face isn’t a hobby.

cassia: you’re right. it’s a profession and i excel at my job.

-----------

cassia, looking in the mirror at 3am trying to practice self love: you’re doing great you stupid bitch..

-----------

manuela: i didn’t want to do this, but i know one way we can get the money.

cassia: you’d make a decent prostitute.

manuela: i’d make an amazing prostitute, but i was actually talking about this guy I know.

----------

byleth: admit it! you like cassia!

jeritza: oh, come on. i mean, am i attracted to cassia? sure. do my days feel better when I’m around her? yeah. does she get me in ways no person ever has? indubitably. do i fantasize about her? sure, of course, but only in two positions. but do I like her? the answer is no.

-----------

cassia: when have i done anything rash or irresponsible?

claude: i keep a list if you wanna see. it’s alphabetized.

-----------

byleth: whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

cassia: (sighing) felix’s…

felix: fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

------------

annette: is anyone else scared?

cassia: not really. i’ve already lived longer than i expected.

------------

flayn: what is the best way to kill someone?

byleth: kindness.

cassia: If we’re being stealthy, potassium cynaite. otherwise, anything from a knife to a bazooka works...

-----------

cassia: *crying*

byleth: i would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life

cassia: you are the WORST at this comfort thing

----------

claude: if edelgard, dimitri and i were drowning, who would you save?

cassia: you morons can’t even swim?

edelgard: teacher, it’s a hypothetical question.

dimitri: yeah, who would you save?

cassia: my time and effort.

----------

annette: The cookie isn’t sweet enough, and the texture is runny because it’s not fully baked. if I have to rate this, i would give it three points.

cassia: i made it myself…

annette: it’s out of three points.

----------

edelgard: if I ask you a boy question, will you promise not to be weird?

cassia: i promise.

edelgard: so, there’s this guy-

cassia: you can do better.

-----------

cassia, torturing a prisioner: we have ways of making you talk…

cassia: flayn, what are you doing here? you’re not allowed in here

flayn: (hands her a drawing)

cassia: did you draw this? this is so good! i promise we’ll hang it in the entrance of the dungeon so everyone can see it before they get tortured!

----------

sylvain: i rarely give compliments, teacher, but that shirt looks great. i bet it would look even better on byleth’s assistant’s bedroom floor.

jeritza: …

cassia: sylvain, are you … hitting on jeritza for me?

-----------

cassia: it’s hard being byleth’s assistant teacher sometimes, but i love the my students and that’s all that-

caspar, in the background: teacher cassia! I tried to make spaghetti in the coffee pot and accidentally broke it!

cassia: *inhales*

-----------

post time-skip, black eagles route

cassia: i need some peace and quiet...

edelgard: i’ll be quiet!

hubert: and i’ll be peace!

-----------

jeritza: everything’s going to be fine. it’s just a crush.

cassia: hey, jeritza!

jeritza: i love you.

-------------

post time-skip, blue lions route

dimitri, talking about cassia: i know you think my judgment’s clouded because i like her a little bit.

dedue: you doodled your wedding invitation

dimitri: no, that’s our joint tombstone.

dedue: ... my mistake.

------------

post time-skip, hubert’s support

edelgard: (whispering to hubert) start with a compliment! tell her she looks thin.

hubert: (to cassia) you seem malnourished.

------------

post time-skip, edelgard’s support

ferdinand, watching cassia train: she can’t be good at everything. maybe she’s a bad kisser.

edelgard: no, she’s good at that too.

ferdinand: what?

edelgard: what?

------------

sylvain: I'm grounded?

cassia: yes, you're grounded.

byleth: you disobeyed an order.

dimitri: and now we're going to bury you until you learn your lesson.

cassia:

byleth: dimitri, that's not how grounding works.

-----------

dorothea: i promised byleth we wouldn’t do anything illegal.

cassia:

cassia: Why would you lie to our resident parental figure like that?

------------

linhardt: i slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

cassia: linhardt that’s a coma

linhardt: sounds festive

------------

cassia: don’t worry, i have a permit.

seteth: …this just says ‘i do what i want.’

------------

cassia: there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents

cassia: ... and lorenz

------------

post time-skip, golden deer route

cassia: this is it

cassia: this is the darkest timeline

hilda: we just ran out of alcohol you dramatic little bitch

-----------

post time-skip, blue lions route

felix: cassia?

cassia, sighing: jeritza used to call me cassia…

felix: because it’s your fucking name

----------

cassia: WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL MY MACAROONS?! IM GOING TO KI-

annette: it was me.

cassia: KISS YOUR HEAD SO SOFT BABY, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU THE MOST RIGHT?

---------

post time-skip, black eagles route

edelgard: so what are we gonna do?

cassia: i don’t know... pizza maybe?

edelgard:

hubert:

ferdinand:

edelgard: about the war, cassia

----------

during a mock battle

ferdinand: start waving your white flag!

hilda: THE ONLY THING I WILL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER.

cassia: ... Yikes...

----------

cassia: hey flayn, do you think I could fit fifteen macarons into my mouth?

seteth: you're a hazard to society.

flayn: and a coward. do twenty!

----------

byleth: your trainee said a swear word in class.

cassia: i’ll talk to them about it..

cassia, to lysithea: what the fuck, dude...

----------

rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

byleth: we lost cassia.

rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

----------

sylvain, flirting with a girl: so, are you from heaven?

cassia: yes, she's a ghost...

cassia: she died fifteen years ago...

cassia: like that pick-up line of yours.

----------

dedue: felix lost cassia…

dimitri: how do you lose a woman?!

ashe: you forget to cherish her.

-----------

cassia: you like me? you like my personality?

byleth: i was surprised too.

----------

lysithea: [covers cassia’s eyes] guess who? she’s sweet, she’s adorable~

lysithea: and she’s gonna be really mad if you get it wrong!

----------

ignatz: i lose at everything. i even lost my glasses.

cassia, staring at the glasses on top of his head: i’ll help you find them for five gold...

-----------

jeritza: what are you, a cop? fuck off!

cassia: jeritza...

jeritza: okay, sorry, one more time.

priest:

priest: do you take this woman to be y--

-----------

rhea: cassia, can we speak privately for a minute?

cassia: ooooh, someone’s in trouble!

cassia : no, wait.

cassia : it’s me.

----------

cassia: wait, stop, think!

caspar: no, no, and no.

----------

bernadetta: i’m just worried about hurting their feelings!

cassia: hurting their feelings…? you just walk around all day caring about peoples’ feelings?

bernadetta: yes, of course. don’t you?

cassia: no.

-----------

byleth: you’re smiling, did something good happen?

cassia: can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

dorothea: seteth tripped and fell in the courtyard.

------------

claude: i trust cassia.

hilda: you think she knows what she’s doing?

claude: ... i wouldn’t go that far.

-----------

cassia: oh, yes, i’ll live.

cassia: but i won’t enjoy it.

-----------

cassia: you piss me off so much.

rhea: i literally just said “hello.“

cassia: yet here i am, boiling with rage.

----------

cassia: don’t worry, you’ve got everything you need to defeat them.

marianne: the power to believe in myself?

cassia: no, a knife.

cassia: stab them.

----------

petra: i’ve never done anything wrong in my life

cassia: i know this and i love you

----------

ignatz: *trips on nothing*

cassia: ha, you’re so clumsy.

(5mins later)

cassia: *aggressively punching the air* what’s your–fucking problem huh?? what–did he ever–do to you??

-----------

byleth: now we’re going to compliment the person to our right.

cassia: *looks at seteth fondly*

cassia: nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

------------

shady guy, coming up to cassia: if you care about your student you’ll come with me..

cassia: which student?

shady guy: lorenz hellman gloucester

cassia:

cassia: *turns around and walks away*

-----------

cassia: did it hurt?

jeritza: *rolls eyes* let me guess, when i fell from heaven?

cassia: no

jeritza: what?

cassia, grinning: did it hurt when you fell for me?

jeritza: ...

------------

marianne: does this make me a bad person?

cassia: marianne, there is not a force in history that could make you a bad person...

-----------

cassia: you and me? we both want the same thing.

cassia: but we’re gonna have to work... near each other.

seteth: you mean together, cassia?

cassia, turning around angrily: did you hear me say together??

-----------

cassia: annette’s at that very special age where she has only one thing on her mind.

manuela: boys?

cassia: murder.

----------

cassia: *hugs dimitri*

dimitri: what's this? what's happening?

cassia: it's going to be alright.

dimitri: why are you squeezing me with your body?

cassia: it's a hug, dimitri. i'm hugging you.

-----------

cassia: claude, can we talk, one ten to another?

claude: i’m an eleven, teacher, but continue.

-----------

mercedes: oh fiddlesticks.

cassia: look, i understand this is a tense situation but let's watch the fucking language.

-----------

linhardt: i’m busy.

cassia: do you think drinking 36 glasses of wine consecutively would make my battle senses and crest powers even more heightened or would I just die?

linhardt:

linhardt: i’m on my way.

------------

cassia: we’re engaged

jeritza: IN COMBAT

jeritza: *pulls out his sword*

------------

manuela: why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?

cassia: age.

dorothea: diet.

------------

leonie: i sort of did something and i need your advice. but i don’t want a lot of judgment and criticism.

cassia: ... and you came to me?

------------

cassia: what do we say when life disappoints us?

dimitri: called it.

cassia: NO--

------------

cassia: *sees someone do something stupid*

cassia: what an idiot.

cassia: *realizes it’s sylvain*

cassia: oh, that’s my idiot.

------------

cassia: ferdinand, we tried things your way.

ferdinand: no, we didn't.

cassia: i did it in my head and it didn't work.

------------

manuela: between claude, ignatz, lorenz, and raphael - if you had to - who would you punch?

cassia: no one! they are my golden deer! my students! i wouldn't punch any of them.

manuela: lorenz?

cassia: ... yeah.

------------

cassia: you need them to think that you are stronger than you actually are.

ashe: that’s what you do, right?

cassia: oh, no. my power is no illusion. i can fucking demolish you.

------------

cassia: before i do anything, i ask myself, would rhea do that? and if the answer is yes, i do not do that thing.

------------

flayn: do you really think we should stay outside or do you just not want to deal with this right now?

cassia: two things can be true...

------------

cassia: name a way to be nice to others.

dimitri: don't kill them.

cassia:

cassia: setting the bar a little low, dima, but I'll allow it.

-----------

cassia: remember that time you made me lick the swing set?

dorothea: no, i said "cassia don't lick the swing set!" then you said "don't tell me what to do!" and then you licked the swing set.

-----------

cassia: what are the signs of depression?

byleth: why are you asking?

cassia: manuela was doing laundry earlier and she dropped a sock and i heard her say “why has the goddess forsaken me?”

-------------

cassia: i just realized. i had a terrible childhood.

manuela: yeah, i know.

cassia: what do you mean, “you know”?

manuela: look at the way you stand... people who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.

--------------

cassia: you have to learn to love yourself.

marianne: but don’t you hate yourself?

cassia: yes, but this is about you, stay focused.

--------------

hilda (with lysithea probably): REMEMBER THE PACTS FORGED BETWEEN OUR PEOPLES LONG AGO.

cassia: stop it, it's 4 in the morning.

hilda: YOU PLEDGED ETERNAL SERVITUDE.

cassia: i did not.

hilda: IN EXCHANGE WE WOULD COME TO YOUR AID IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED.

cassia: i'm not feeding you.

hilda: REMEMBER THE PACTS.

--------------

annette: hey, can you do me a favor?

cassia: i’d kill for you, but go on.

-------------

in the garden

mercedes: annette, can you grab that hoe?

annette: *grabs cassia’s arm*

mercedes: wait, that's not what I meant...

------------

flayn: hey cassia, can i go get some candy?

cassia: what did seteth say?

flayn: no.

cassia: then why do you think i’ll let you?

flayn: because seteth’s not the boss of you.

cassia, internally: it’s a trap it’s a trap it’s a trap

-----------

dorothea: if I die, my ghost is gonna haunt you!

cassia: then your ghost is going to see some disgusting stuff.

------------

hubert’s support in a nutshell

hubert, in the margins of his notebook: mywife is soft nd ilikeher

hubert: my wiwwwfie wife is visiting a noble family with the empress and i miss her

hubert: MY EWFIE IS HOME MY WIFE

------------

felix: see? this is my “i don’t care” face.

cassia: that’s your normal face.

-------------

cassia: of course, i care about everyone in this house equally!

claude: we were attacked while you were away.

cassia: is marianne okay???

-------------

cassia: if edelgard jumped off a cliff, would you?

hubert: *stares into the distance with a blank expression*

cassia: hubert!

hubert: well- er- i mean, it depends.

cassia: DON’T JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

hubert: well, i wasn’t planning on it.

cassia: but if edelgard did, you would!?

hubert: *stares into the distance yet again*

cassia: HUBERT!

-------------

lysithea: if i run and leap at cassia, she will almost certainly catch me in her arms.

lysithea: COMING IN! *runs at cassia*

cassia: NO! I’M HOLDING COFFEE!

cassia: *drops the cup and catches her*

------------

leonie: why are you helping me so much?

cassia: because my life is a mess right now and i compulsively take care of other people when i don’t know how to take care of myself.

------------

hubert’s support, post time-skip

dorothea, barging into the library: you two ARE having sex!

hubert: really? cassia, why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve put my book down.

------------

cassia: we have fun, don’t we?

ashe: i have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

------------

cassia: why are we laying on the ground?

sylvain: you got knocked down so i laid next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin’.

------------

petra: i did something terrible.

cassia: it’s okay, i have a shovel.

petra: wait, what do you think i did?

cassia: it doesn’t matter, no one will ever know.

------------

seteth: time for bed.

flayn: cassia says that I can stay up as long as I want, and YOU need to die.

seteth:

seteth: what the heck, cassia-

------------

ingrid: i think rhea is in trouble!

cassia: alright... struggling to give a fuck, if i’m honest.

------------

marianne: i made a friendship bracelet for you!

cassia: i’m not really a jewelry person.

marianne: oh, you don’t have to wear it.

cassia: no, back off, i’m gonna wear it forever.

-----------

manuela: i’m playing a new drinking game. it’s called “Every time i’m depressed, i take a drink.”

dorothea: that game exists. that’s called alcoholism.

manuela and cassia: *take a swig simultaneously*

--------------

during hubert’s support

cassia: i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

hubert: i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

cassia: yes.

hubert: … now i’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

--------------

cassia: alright, listen up you little shits.

cassia: not you, bernadetta. you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

--------------

cassia: do you ever wanna talk about your emotions, felix?

felix: no.

sylvain: i do!

cassia: we know, sylvain.

sylvain: i’m sad...

cassia: we know, sylvain.

--------------

cassia: since when is babysitting them my—

cassia: oh, my god, that’s exactly my job.

[khaycaprithewriter]

The Black Sheep

I really wanted to start of this next post with a short story. I remember a conversation I had with my cousins, Ben and Kiera. I do not remember exactly how it started but we ended up talking about me being adopted and all the feelings and emotions tied into it that I have experienced. They both told me something that took me by surprise. “We didn’t even know you were adopted, we just knew we were cousins”. It was all just love, genuine family love and they didn’t love me any different or any less. No matter what, we were family. I have always wanted to write about my life being a black girl in an all white family. I did not want to write it really for myself but, for all of you. All my life I have been asked “oh, whats it like being adopted?” or “oh your family is white? How is that?” and my usual response is, “what do you mean HOW is it?” like they’re asking a waiter about a dish on a goddamn menu! Its rude, its insulting to me, it makes me feel like an alien on mars. We all have family whether it is blood or not they are my family. Its not weird, its beautiful and normal and the fact that people still question this is getting so annoying. So many kids are born and unwanted or mistreated by a parent who does not even give a fuck about them. But, here I am brought into this world by a woman who was not able to raise me and chosen by a woman who had been praying for a daughter like me. I was chosen, I was wanted by an entire family ready to welcome me with love and care, genuine love and care. Now, another thing I wanted to address is how I was adopted. I have had multiple people throughout my life ask me “what was it like to be an orphan?” IS THIS ANNIE? I swear some of y'all swear we live in 1932 and I was left at the steps of an orphanage and my mom just happened to stumble across me and take me and raise me. NO, I was not an orphan. My birth mom was a crackhead, had aids, went to jail. There was no way she was able to keep me even if she wanted to. I am not going to go too into my adoption because I already made a post about this on my instagram. Just know that I was not an orphan. Growing up, I never felt different and to be honest, I felt like everyones family looked just like mine because my best friend from childhood had a white sister and they had black parents. It was normal to me, it was all normal to me until the first time I got called a nigger. This little ugly boy from elementary school said “do you know what a nigger is?” I said “no but I know it is a bad word and I don't like it” he proceeded to say “well, its what you are! You're a nigger, my daddy said you're a nigger”. My heart broke, I was so hurt because I still had no idea what it meant and when I figured out what is was I cried for hours. “Am I different than you?” I often asked my mom and she always assured me that I was not. But “nigger” kept ringing in my head every time I walked into that classroom. I was only 7 or 8 at the time. Growing up, this was my harsh reality. Any time I went anywhere with my family we would get stared at. The looks that people gave us were so nasty, like they were trying to figure out why I am out in public in an all white town with these white people. Whenever I am with my family and were shopping and I put my stuff with theirs on the counter, “oh aren't you going to separate that?” then we say “no were all together”  THEY ARE SHOOK. “oh....okay.” Its embarrassing that we live in a world where we cannot even shop together without getting looked at. I can't walk down the street with them and not get stares. When I go out in public with Naomi AND my family, they REALLY try to figure that one out! How is this older white lady with a black girl and her baby? They never assume that I am her daughter and she is her granddaughter. It hurts that I can go out with Rasheeds family and nobody bats a fucking eyelash. Yet, when I go out with my family the security cards look me up and down and people try to figure us out. I have a family, an amazing one at that. But I still feel sad whenever I go out with them because nobody just sees us as “family”.What kills me is when I go on vacation with my family and join them at the pool or at the beach and they assume I just crashed their party or just took one of their spots, so close minded and so hypocritical.  I went to my godmothers funeral hysterically crying only to find out almost nobody knew who I was. I went to my grandmothers funeral and my grandfather was holding my hand and this lady walks up to me and says “Its really quite nice that you showed up today” I said “excuse me?” she continued to say “well usually home health aids do not come to these things” My heart sank and I will never forget the look on my grandfathers face. He was so hurt, so confused, so angry” he gripped my hand hard and I laid my head back on his shoulder and said “Im their granddaughter”. The lady chuckled emabressed and walked away. It was the saddest feeling I felt and this was yet again one of the only times I felt different and like I did not belong. I had wondered if anyone would ever see this as my family and the older I get I feel like nobody will ever understand. So no, there is nothing different about my family to me, but to YOU it is different. Its foreign, its taboo, its unnatural. All because my skin is darker than theres. My family has always loved me, accepted me, been there for me no matter what the circumstances. I have so much family and so much genuine love people wish they could have from their own families. I think whoever reads this should take a second look before they ever judge me again, before they ever question about what its “like” being adopted. I do not feel different than them, but others will do anything in their power to make sure I do. There is no other way to describe it other than, that IS 100% my real family, I didnt just join, I was here from the go. They're not my “white people” they are my family and if I ever here anyone comment on them or call them my “white family” I will confront you and shut down your comments. Also to answer one last burning question, yes they are all mostly republican, yes our thanksgivings are interesting, no we do not agree 100% on everything but we are able to talk about things and talk about how we feel about certain things. We talk, we state our opinions and then we are back to normal back to family. Just because we have different political points does not mean they are going to shut down my opinions or “disown” me and I will not just shut them out of my life. That is the problem in our society today, we are so quick to block and delete just over someone else opinion when we don't even know what they are going to say! 

I hope you all really enjoyed this blog, I know its lengthy again but theres a lot that has to be said about things. Especially, if you are the one asking for answers to these questions. I appreciate you all so much! Look out for the next post, its going to be something very personal and I am really nervous about posting it so please send good vibes my way! I want to be as open as possible with everyone. I love y'all, stay tuned!

[html-fuck-blog]

Dissertation Outline

Look, man, I know I’m supposed to be meeting ur deadline and writing ur 50 million words on why I wanna fucking stay in this course, cause that’s what it is, isn’t it? I mean, in this day and age, what is the dissertation really for if not for hitting ur grade quota.??

 We all know u folk have a job to do and targets to meet, but I refuse to believe that means fucking us about and making us feel like the tiniest Lil bitches on the planet when, in reality, have u watched ur selves?? Eh, Jim? Have u watched the Lil video of ur ‘performance’ on Micheals y2k phone?? Nah, I bet u haven’t cause u just know for sure it was the best piece of work you’ve done and ur so proud u did that in front f ur students, the people ur supposed to be inspiring, well do u know what u inspired us to do??? Become stand up comedians bc honestly, there’s nothing else we can do with the amount of content u gave us.

 I cant find value in the dissertation. I cant find value in the course. And I can’t see value in yourselves.

 “I cannot tell u what u should write about.” – Jon Blackwood

 “let’s be pragmatic about ur beliefs”- Jon Fucking Blackwood.

 U know what big man, it was condescending, it was fucking rude, and I can’t get my head around someone of ur stature saying something along those lines to a student. I think most of u forget ur are teachers and not just full-time artist’s “living their lives” we are here for nothing other than learning, not becoming ur friends, or bitching with y’all while smoking. Now yes, I know that’s fun and might be the only bonus of being an artist, y’ know the community we all have, but that community has to be built on respect, and y’ ain’t gonna get it if u don’t listen to what we are laying down. It is not about u guys. It’s not about “who” taught us, it’s the fact we got educated.

 Its not happening tho.

 We’re becoming Glasgow School of Art, money, and grades over actual fucking humanity.

 This is art school mate, not everyone is here to get an A, some of us are here because we have something to say. And this is the only space we have. Do not make that space smaller for ur own benefit.

 Here’s the problem, I’ve presented my issues with both sides. With students and with lecturers. The students get it. They get the idea, they get the problem, they get several solutions, they are open-minded and supportive. The lecturers, shut u down, tell u that you’ll be eaten alive, say ur ideas aren’t realistic because people might not understand, make sure u don’t wanna have an original idea again, will never open a book and teach themselves something new. 

 Like are u afraid that if u learn something else that u might explode? Are u seriously worried that u might step out of ur fucking comfort zone and realise that the sky is more than just blue, it is not a colour it’s a scientific reaction that means more than any atom in ur body ever could. The grass is not just green, it is a life force determined to cover this earth with more knowledge than u could fathom. But no one is asking u to be einstien or hawking. They are asking u to be human. To care enough. To look at the planet that u live on and beg that there is more than u can see. Honestly, it’s not much. If u just spent one minute on wiki-fucking-pedia, u would understand that u are not some petulant teenager who knows everything. The world is spreadin around u faster than u can blink. So take a minute. It might change ur perspective.

 I know I probably come across like a teenager myself right now, and I have a few responses,

I am closer to being a child than anyone else ‘teaching’ us

Im fucking stressed

This art school is becoming a shambles

I literally don’t care

Soz not soz 

I want to be able to give more than a thousand-word rant about this situation, but there isn’t much to say.

 I can only say that being part of the “snowflake” culture is weirdly inspiring bc at no point before us would we be able to come forward IRL, sobbing and still be angry. We got our emotions, and we ain’t afraid to show them. So, here I am, sobbing and fuming. I do not want a tough love approach, that will make me do nothing but drop out. I am a fumbling mess who looks for reassurance at every turn and if I don’t get it? This petulant teenager will throw a tantrum, alone, in the bathroom, then pretend nothing happened.

 That fact of the matter is, I don’t have a problem with writing or reading, or studying or whatever, I enjoy it. I type fucking thousands of words just to rant about one shitty meeting, u think I wouldn’t love writing eight thousand words on something I’m passionate about? Ur right, I would love it; what I hate is someone literally shitting on OG ideas just because he can’t wrap his little baldy brain around it??? Like how does that seem fair?? Did u think I was born with this knowledge? Or do u think I went out and learned something new for myself because im a fully(*) functioning adult??? Oh yeah, I did, fancy that. I’m sure someone with a Ph.D. could get to grips with reading a new book, couldn’t they? Sorry if I’m coming across condescending, I’m just saying what I think. I think, Jon, that maybe u worry every day that someone might come along and be smarter than u and trust me I ain’t saying that it’s me, that would be a whole other level of egotism, but I am saying that u are not the smartest man in the world, in fact ur probs not even on the list. But that’s not a bad thing, it just means u need re-evaluate ur stance in society, cause u ain’t up there with them, ur down here with us sweetie.

(*) I bought a vegetable once – receipt lost -2018 

[dalishious]

(Replying to this post)

@gangsterofoz I’m... not really sure... where to begin... I suppose by just saying I’m kind of stunned you wrote all this in response to me point out Cassandra was wrong about something and the writers’ reasons are ridiculously transparent?

Well it makes sense that Cass would try really hard to convince herself of the Chantry’s justified actions - it’s not that she’s purposely trying to condemn the elves, she just does not want to see the evils and mistakes of an institution she has pretty much built her adult life on. A life that allowed her to follow a path she felt was befitting of her skills and soul. And like many people with religion, they cannot seperate the institutional failures and serious misconducts from the faith.

I absolutely agree it is in character for Cassandra to be ignorant about this, given other things she has said expressing refusal to acknowledge elven point of views. But it’s not a good quality for her to have. And as @faerunner already said, the big problem isn’t that Cassandra has this point of view, it’s that this is the only point of view we hear. Dorian shares it too. But here is no argument. We’re just supposed to accept this comment, despite as I pointed out in that post, it is inaccurate.

Religions by their nature need to be deontological - meaning it can’t have flaws and inconsistencies. It needs to be by its nature always ‘true’ to its core messages and therefore exists philosophically in the realm of black in white. When in reality, it’s in the moral grey area as much as everything else. The people within it can be flawed, as Cass we know really prefers focusing on, but she manages to largely not see (at least historical actions not really the more recent ones) as the failures of people - individuals - not her faith, not the group. Which is fundamentally just inaccurate as no one can commit genocide or invasion without the willing consent and support of the group as a majority. Im so glad you pointed this out - it’s just more credit to brilliant character construction and intimate understanding of how people justify religious evils.

Hey maybe don’t paint every single belief system with the same Christian/Catholic brush because that’s not true?

I would argue that Cassandra is almost equally bad at recognizing the failures of people in recent times as well. 

It’s really like they researched the morality, psychology of Crusaders or Renaissance religious figures who maintained justification of the Crusades. I love Cass but she like everyone in the games (and like all brilliant series that study the flaws of politics and religions like Game of Thrones) is seriously flawed. Cass is not evil, she’s just reacting to an inherited childhood situation, she’s doing what she needs to to feel safe and valid.

LOL I think you are giving BioWare way to much credit, but yes, a comparison between Exalted Marches and the Crusades can definitely be made. It’s just a shame that, as the whole point of that post, they didn’t spend just as much time on how the victims felt.

Like Dorian and Varric opposing consistently undermine the traditionalism and omnipotence of institutions in an attempt to be independent from them and therefore safe because hierarchies and institutions have so consistently not only failed but seriously harmed them on such an intimate level (the Dwarven caste system/way of life and Tevinter as a society). Varric and Dorian still find admiration or use for aspects of their childhood societies but it’s their flaws that have made them view those institutions the way they do in the time of Inquisition.

You are comparing Dorian opposing tyranny to Cassandra defending it?

It’s so clever - because we don’t judge these figures as historical persons through a lens of fact but we get to know them so intimately. They become real persons for whom we see our actions make consequences directly. It puts us in the position of leaders of Catholicism during the Crusades - it perhaps says, “It is more difficult to condemn people you’ve come to know because they are real and thus it makes taking moral action much more difficult.”

HOLY FUCK.

No. No, I absolutely judge through facts, and you know, general morality. No, it absolutely does not make it more difficult to condemn a character saying something wrong when they are in fact, 100% wrong. 

It’s like when Tyrion kills Tywin - he basically plunges the entire political system of a really powerful nation/continent into chaos - like fuck you now everything’s going to go to shit and the White Walkers are going to so easily come and kill everybody ! But man who didn’t want Tyrion to kill to Tywin? We were all on his side when that happened. But through a historical lens, the boy did some serious damage to the citizens of the country. Not that Tywin was a brilliant moral leader but one could argue at least the country wasn’t plunged into political factionalism and thus unable to successfully defend itself against the ice boys.

I have no idea what you’re talking about because I stopped watching Game of Thrones after dragging myself through the second season; I found the story interesting enough, but the copious amount of gratuitous sex and also general shitty treatment of the few characters of colour and female characters was too much to continue. But I’m gonna go on a limb and guess this has nothing to do with anything in the post I made.

So yes Cass is super wrong but it also is 100% how she would manipulate herself to see that slice of history. I mean - how scary is that that a leader has that view sitting on the Sunburst Throne (if you pop her there)? You say, “well she’s got all these great qualities etc.” but then what are the ramifications of putting someone with some form of internalised racism in a position of power?

Oh gee, what a high-fantasy thought-provoking question that is. A person who gives zero shits about the people who’s land they settled on and now rule over. I wonder what the ramifications would be. It is so hard to wonder. I just don’t know. //Sarcasm

What if she in some years starts another Exalted March? Historically, we’d look at the Inquisitor and go, “What were you thinking!?”

Yeah I sure fucking would especially because my Inquisitor would never do that to her people.

But history doesn’t happen historically. People are biased and function through personal relationships, moving through the world within the framework of those dynamics. The moral of this section of the games is, you’re going to need to make decisions that will shape the world but you will struggle to make them unbiasedly. And the consequences of that can be cataclysmic. Anyway lol unintentional essay

This might be news to you, but sometimes making decisions using bias can be a good thing. It’s called having a moral conscious. So yes, as I have said a few times now, I will absolutely judge Cassandra for lacking one in this scene. And general history knowledge.

Anyway, this whole unintentional essay was almost entirely irrelevant to the point of my post, but whatever. Glad we could clear up that what Cassandra said here is a bad thing and bad things should be recognized as bad things, not unquestioned qualities.

[lyiss016]

so harry styles wore a dress..

so harrys vogue came out. and people were mad. idk why. but, it did start an interesting discussion w my mom because she doesn't think boys should wear dresses cuz they are “for girls”. this discussion happened: 

she first said:

“I also don’t think there is anything wrong with being a “manly man”.  And, there IS such a thing as being feminine and I think that is okay too.  Girls shouldn’t be made to feel bad because they like “girly” things.   Men and women were MADE different.  That is good.  We fit together.  I personally don’t find anything attractive about men who are feminine or wear dresses/skirts/wear makeup, etc.  But, that is my personal preference.  I like that there are two different sexes and we were made to be different and compliment each other.” 

and then I answered w:

“i think my thing is i don’t get why clothes have gender... like wear what u want and leave it at that. wearing more “feminine” clothes does not make you any less of a man or less masculine, because clothes don’t define that.”

and then she said:

 “I understand what you are saying.  However, for myself there are some clothes that are clearly more feminine than masculiine.  Again, that is my opinion and doesn’t have to be anyone else’s. Like, I wouldn’t want to see your father in a dress.  No thank you!”

which I responded:

“but wouldn’t that be his choice??? (like if we r going w this example haha) and idk... i think that’s it’s good. why should there be so many “boundaries” in something fun like clothes?? like wear want u want and what makes u happy the end. i think that clothes can be such a good way to express yourself and that putting up barriers cuz it’s too masculine or too feminine is stupid. like why limit yourself?? and why be so upset that someone else is doing and wearing what makes them happy? idk... i think that harry or men in general wearing dresses and more “feminine” clothes and that being represented (not just by harry and not just by white cis men) is good, because there are going to be kids out there who prob feel weird for thinking or wanting different than what is “normal” (which needs to be changed within itself) and it’s good that there is representation, because clothes shouldn’t have gender because it’s just pointless boundaries that can in some situations make people feel trapped or different for wanting/liking something else. and i also think that clothes can inspire so much confidence in people, and that wearing certain things makes people feel more confident, and we shouldn’t limit it. if a man wearing a dress makes them feel confident, or a woman wearing a suit makes them feel confident, then do it!!  what about people who don’t associate w a gender? what would they wear if clothes really were assigned to male or female? idk, just why are pieces of fabric needing to be assigned to a certain gender? it makes no sense. wear what makes u feel happy n confident. the end”

“First, I’m not *upset* if a man wants to wear a dress.  I personally find it weird.  Isn’t that my choice too???  To think that it is unattractive?  As well as your choice to find it attractive???  I’m not advocating taking people’s choices away to wear whatever they want.  I personally don’t like to see men in women’s clothes.  You might not care , or not find it unattractive, but I do.  You are also entitled to your opinion, of course.  And, as far as clothes not being gender specific, that is also another opinion.  That is not a fact.  That is your personal view.  My view is that a dress is for girls.  If a male wants to wear a dress, of course, that is their choice, as it is mine to think that it is weird.  I mean, you got to allow people to have their own opinions, right??  Otherwise, that defeats what you are fighting for for all people, doesn’t it?”

“can a woman wear a suit tho? is that in your opinion? cuz it’s the same thing, just reversed. and it’s not about weather i find it “attractive” or not. it’s about people being comfortable in what their wearing no matter what. it’s people not feeling bad or wrong or different for wearing something that doesn’t “typically fit” with their gender. and yes of course people can have their own opinions. i just don’t understand why you would want to be close minded. what does it matter if people wear clothes. why can it only be one way? why all the boundaries? harry can wear whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter what other people think. but the thing is is that him wearing a dress is kind of a big deal. he’s the first solo male ever on the cover of vouge. and he wore a dress. i mean for some people that means a whole lot. but his cover means something to a lot of people, and it’s good! it wasn’t just harry behind it all, you know? there was his stylist (who’s non binary) and his photographer (poc) that were all part of this. it wasn’t just him that was in this and meant something to people. harry doesn’t have to defend himself because he’s doing what makes him happy. which is kinda the whole point right? like why do people need to have an (negative) opinion on what makes someone happy? and why are there even boundaries in the first place that would make some people think that way?”

“But, I don’t make them feel bad.  It is their choice.  I just don’t agree with boys wearing dresses.  So what??!!  I don’t have to agree with that, right?  I don’t like women wearing boys ties and dressing like men.  I think you assume that people who disagree with you are closed minded.  That is not a good position to take.  People will disagree with you your whole life, that doesn’t make them wrong or you right.  Your friend wants to wear a dress??  Go ahead.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.  Also doesn’t mean I will tell them I think they are wrong and they are terrible. I’m not saying it is wrong for them, I’m saying that I don’t like it.  There is a difference.  And, I think it’s a BIG difference that you are refusing to see.  Harry wanted to wear a dress, so he did.  That is great for Harry, really it is.  I personally don’t like it.  So what??!!”

 “i’m not saying that u make anyone feel terrible or bad for thinking or doing different than u. and i’m not saying that my way of thinking is the only way. i’m saying why would u close yourself off? it is close minded because your putting up walls of what’s for girls and what’s for boys when it doesn’t have to be like that/isn’t anymore. that’s what i was saying. and i’m not saying u have to like it or not. i don’t care. i was just wondering WHY which is why i started this discussion. as u are not the only one who doesn’t like it. but the other peoples reasons are because it’s not ‘manly’ and i was wondering if that’s why u didn’t like it either. and if so, how and why does clothes determine if your “manly” or  not?? and if clothes can take or add to that, being a man and “manly” is pretty fragile .”

 “I’m not closing myself off, I just have an opinion that differs from yours.  I think people should and can wear what they want.  It is their choice.  I understand your point, and it is taken.  I don’t think all gender roles are necessarily wrong though.  I think it is okay to have a separateness between what men and women like/wear/are/enjoy etc.  We are made differently.  But, to each their own.  I have no problem with that.”

“and i think what i am trying to say, is that we are trying to get rid of there being things that women can like/wear/want/are/enjoy and things that men can like/wear/want/are/enjoy. but i guess we will just have to disagree on that”

“I feel like that is a slap to the face for people who ARE female and ARE male who are okay with being who they are.”

“but HOW? like we still have those things? i’m a girl. i like being a girl. i like doing typically “girl” things. and i would still like and have them even if a boy or nb person likes or did them too. i would still like/do/have them even if we didn’t refer to them as a “girl” thing. i’m not understanding ur point.”

“Of course that doesn’t take them away from you.  But, saying everything has to be non gender based does take that away.  Why can’t people just like what they like?”

“they can. so why does it have to be gender specific?”

“Why can’t it be?  Why do we have to change the way it is?  Just like what you like and let it be!”

“then why can’t men wear dresses without society breaking? it can’t just be what it is because people are close minded. not everyone disagrees like u do and just let’s them be. some people disagree like u so but also take that out on the person. that’s why it can’t just be as it is”

“I don’t think society is breaking because of that. I think society is breaking because people are insisting on having their own way of thinking ALL OF THE TIME.  There is no agreeing to disagree anymore.  It’s you MUST think they way I do.  Be kind.  Be tolerant.  Let people be themselves.  That’s it.”

“i agree with that. be kind. let people live how they want. support people. try not to judge. be open to listening and understanding both sides. love. i think it’s that easy and i wish everyone would see it that way.”

-end-

so I don't really know how I feel about it. because, I agree that we should all let people do what they want and wear what they want. and like, my mom does disagree but like she wouldn't say that our be outright hateful if someone went against what she thinks. but I just don't get why she doesn't understand I guess. I don't understand why she needs there to be gender roles and won't budge about it. but then she says that we should be kind and let people do what they want. which yes. but she just doesn't agree w it?? idk. I think im confused because she's like just being ok w it, saying its wrong, but letting them do what they want? idk.... its like only half way “right” I feel like. 

but idk... I support harry. I think people should wear what they want and that gender roles shouldn't be so strong, or there at all really. wear what you want. be kind. love everyone. the end.