funforahermit · 2 years ago
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every now and then i get sad again that there's no way for me to buy I'm a Fighter Jet
and then i try for the dvd again, but for some reason there are no copies anywhere
i wonder why it wasn't that hard to get the other three shows on dvd, but this one proves virtually impossible to find. did they just have less of them printed in the first place??
i can feel myself wanting to get mean again, because i'm just so frustrated. like, i want to say i didn't like this show anyway (when i watched it illegally that one time, because do you really expect me not to, under these circumstances?). i want to say screw you and your embarrassing magic mushroom bullshit.
but then.... i don't *really* want to be mean. it's okay if it's not that funny, he's still pretty to look at.
i'm just really sad.
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jinmukangwrites · 3 years ago
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Whumptober2021 - October 4th - Taken Hostage | Pushed
Gift fic to @fidothefinch <3
Fandom: Nightwing, Batman - All Media Types
AO3
Warnings: Near death experience, hostage situations, implies Bruce as a shitty dad but I don't go into detail on it.
---
If there’s anything in the world that Dick hates more than being restrained, it’s being held hostage. Especially if he’s being held hostage as a threat against Bruce or Batman. One thing they don’t tell you in the foster system is that if you’re adopted by a rich and famous to the Kardashian level man, is that you’re often the target of criminals who think snatching a kid on their way home from school is a surefire way to make a million bucks. It’s no better in the vigilante business either, because often any hero in Gotham is only seen as a stepping stool to getting to Batman.
Honestly, at this point Dick’s used to it. It doesn’t mean he enjoys it, though. Not so much because of the initial kidnapping part, but because he’s worked hard to become his own person, his own man with his own life. He moved to Blüdhaven to be anything other than the son of Bruce Wayne; to be his own hero that villains learn to fear. And then the second he sets foot back in Gotham, for whatever reason, suddenly it’s all about the reclusive eldest Wayne child returning home! Suddenly, when villains see him at night, it isn’t “Oh shit, it’s Nightwing!”, it’s “Shit, it’s a Sidekick! Where’s the Bat?!”
Anyway, long story short, Dick came back to Gotham for one weekend to visit family, and now he’s dressed as Nightwing, standing on a roof with duct-tape keeping his wrists together behind his back and a knife to his throat belonging to a shady businessman who’s finally caught the attention of Gotham’s heroes.
And it’s sorta pathetic how Dick ended up in this situation. It wasn’t like this was going to be a particularly difficult mission. Just sneak into the building, grab the evidence he needed to get this bastard behind bars, and then get out. Unfortunately, someone tipped the man off without Bruce knowing about it. When he went into the main office, he was met with a very strong guard hiding behind the doors, and after a hefty blow to the head and a few concerning minutes of blacking out, Dick opened his eyes—thankfully still masked—to find himself kneeling on the rough cement of a skyscraper’s roof, completely stripped of any of his useful tools. He has a small knife in one of his gauntlets, but it’s not exactly in an easy to reach position. It would take time to grab at it, and that’s not counting the high probability he’ll be spotted by Jerome McCoy--Gotham’s latest shady businessman--or any of his goons.
Besides, Tim is already up here listening to their demands to get Batman up here or Dick dies. It shouldn’t be long before Bruce gets here and kicks his ass. That’s not even accounting for the facts that Jason, Steph, Duke, Dami, and Cass are all in town.
These idiots have no clue how close they are with dealing with close to every single bat if something bad happens to Dick tonight.
And everything was going fine until Tim suddenly stopped mid sentence in reminding McCoy that Batman was on his way and brought his hand to his communicator in his ear. When Tim paled ever so slightly, Dick knew something had gone exactly NOT according to plan.
“What is it?!” McCoy demands, pressing the knife against Dick’s neck with worrying pressure. Dick leans his head back slightly to lessen the risk of his neck being cut and meets Tim in the eyes through their masks.
Tim swallows. ���Batman is being held up-”
Dick resists sighing in both disappointment and lack-of-surprise as McCoy practically explodes.
“What?!
“Only for a few hours,” Tim rushes to explain. He’s lifted his hands in a placid manner and softened his voice, which can’t be good. “He’s… met an unexpected complication along the way that he cannot ignore. Please, just tell me what you want, and I can take my partner and be out of-”
“I don’t have a few hours,” McCoy practically screeches. “Either Batman makes it his priority to get here, or Nightwing gets it!” to make a point, McCoy lifts the knife from Dick’s neck and waves it in front of him. Dick slides his eyes over to the other goons on the roof; there’s only a few. Maybe… if Dick plays his cards right… “That was the deal!”
“I understand-”
“Tell Batman to get here now, or Nightwing’s blood is on his hands!”
“He’s busy- I can’t just-”
Dick slams his body back, pointing his elbow the furthest he can with the way his arms are bound and jamming it into McCoy’s stomach. McCoy lets out a startled, breathless gasp as Dick uses his surprise to escape from his grasp and jump to his feet.
“’Wing!” Tim yells at the same time McCoy wheezes “Get that fucker!”
Dick has just a second to notice Tim’s shock at Dick’s sudden attack before Dick’s having to defend himself with his hands literally tied behind his back. Sorry, kid, Dick thinks, ducking around a pair of beefy arms, but we’re out of options.
It was going well until it wasn’t. Tim was even about to step in. However, while waking up from his lovely whack to the head, Dick failed to assess just where he was on the roof.
All it took was for the back of his heel to tough nothing but air for his heart to jump to his throat. Instinctively, he tried to wave his arms to catch his balance, but was quickly reminded of his predicament when the tape tugged against his wrists. For a moment, pure panic filled his entire body, here, wobbling backwards off the edge of a roof dozens of stories above the ground. He could feel his heart pound, hands shake, breath catch, hair rustle in the wind, but he couldn’t do a thing to stop himself from falling backwards. He’s pretty sure he hears Tim scream his codename, but he’s not totally focused on anything other than his pending doom right now-
A heavy hand wraps around his upper-bicep, stopping his almost-promised journey to pancake town. Everything is silent on the roof for a solid moment, as Dick practically hangs over the ledge of the roof with his feet just barely still on solid ground, a goon holding him juuuuuust enough to make sure he doesn’t fall. Tim looks even paler than before, looking like he really did watch Dick go over the edge. McCoy looks a constipating mixture of smug and outraged while the other goons stand nearby like useless props.
Then, McCoy speaks with anger as heavy and level as stone. “Tell Batman I want him here in ten minutes.”
Tim meets Dick’s eyes, and Dick sees everything that he needs to. Whatever is holding Bruce up, it’s more important than Dick, and Tim knows it’s useless to even try.
“Please,” Tim says, voice wobbly. He’s a detective. He knows what’s about to happen. “Just give us more time-”
McCoy snaps a finger, and that’s that.
The hand on his arm pushes Dick away and opens it’s grasp. It doesn’t matter anymore that Dick had his feet on the roof, because the rest of his body is falling.
Falling.
Dick’s completely off the roof in a blink of an eye and he’s falling.
The air is rushing past his ears and through his hair, so loud he can barely think. That’s if he’s thinking at all, as story after story passes him by. He’s falling, and for the first time in a long time, he’s afraid of falling, because this time there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He doesn’t have any tools… he doesn’t even have his hands, nor enough time to even try and get his hands free. He’s falling, rushing to the ground. He can already see in vivid detail what his body will look like when it hits the pavement.
He’s falling. He’s standing at the top of a beam, watching his mama and papa fall. He’s falling. He’s screaming as the sound of their bodies landing and snapping reaches his ears. He’s falling and he’s going to die in the most Grayson way possible.
He’s going to die the same way his parents did, a way that he’s worked hard to not be afraid of ever since he first moved in with Bruce, but was always secretly terrified.
He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to watch. He’s afraid, and Tim will watch from above and blame himself and he never wanted any of his siblings to blame themselves for his death like how he blamed himself for his parent’s for decades and-
And the wind is knocked out of him, but not from his body slamming on the ground. A strong arm wraps painfully around his stomach, and suddenly the world turns sideways and his eyes shoot open in shock.
“Fuck,” Jason grunts, holding Dick with one arm and the other wrapped tightly in a grappling line. “Fucking hell.”
And Dick… doesn’t know what to do. He feels muted, like a YouTube video playing at 144p and buffering still. The adrenaline is pumping so loudly through his entire body that the fact that Jason’s caught him doesn’t register until Jason’s landing roughly on the ground and lowering Dick to the asphalt.
“Started heading over the second that bastard said he wasn’t coming,” Jason explains. Dick nods numbly, his eyes locked on the oil covered road below him, his mind still trying to process. “Said he ran into some bastard working for Two-Face holding some rich family hostage. Said we could handle it. I can’t believe I got here just in time. Fucking fuck-face fucker.”
There’s a splash of two feet landing on the permanently puddled street beside them, and Dick can hardly contain his flinching at the sound, but thankfully Jason doesn’t notice. He just stands up and faces where Tim has landed quite suddenly from where he must have grappled down from the roof. Dick continues to look at the ground, wringing his knitting together in front of him. He… hasn’t noticed Jason undid the bindings.
“What happened to McCoy?” Jason demands, and Tim takes a gasping breath and shakes his head.
“They ran into the building while I… jumped after N.”
Jason growls, taking a step forward but Tim stops him. “Orphan said she’ll handle it, she sounded pissed.”
Jason backs off, but anger still curls in his stomach like an old friend. His fists clench to his side. “Once I see B, I’m gonna punch his teeth up to his brain.”
And it must be proof of how shaken Tim is, because he doesn’t argue.
Then, like a pin hitting tile, a small sound catches Jason’s ears. He looks down to where Dick is still sitting in the grime of Gotham’s street. His heart sinks to his gut.
“N?” he asks, and Dick doesn’t respond. “Nightwing, you’re… crying.”
That directs Tim’s attention down where tears are certainly streaming down Dick’s cheeks from under his mask. His lips are wobbling, and the second Jason kneels down to put his hand on Dick’s shoulder, a wounded sound escapes his lips.
“Dick?” Jason asks, his voice sounding shocked and unsure.
Dick looks up at Tim, looking one breath of the wind from falling apart. “You jumped after me?” His voice is small and brittle. When Tim nods slowly, Dick whimpers, dropping his head into his hands and letting out a sob. “You almost watched me die,” is all he says before he finally breaks down into mournful cries.
Jason looks up from where Dick’s now shaking and gasping into his hands and meets Tim’s eyes. Neither of them… has ever seen Dick get like this before. It feels wrong, like something in the world has shattered and can never be replaced.
“Lets… get him home,” Jason says, breaking the silence.
“Yeah,” is all Tim can smartly bring to his lips while Jason scoops Dick into his arms and stands up.
Dick’s so out of it with his sobbing that he hardly reacts, just curls against Jason and continues to cry.
“You know,” Jason says quietly, “the scariest way to die, for me, is to overdose.”
And Tim understands.
“I… see.”
Jason nods, swallowing hard. “Yeah. So let’s just call it a night, get him some Alfred cookies, and just… let him take this at his own pace, okay?”
Tim nods, knowing that after years of Dick always going out of his way to help them with their trauma, their issues, and never asking for anything in return… it’s now their turn to return the favor. Dick looks so much smaller than Tim swears he’s ever seen him, curled up in Jason’s arms, trembling and sobbing. He silently promises to himself that he will do whatever it takes to make sure Dick gets through this, just like what he’d do for them, always. And Tim’s positive the rest of Dick’s siblings will do the same.
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soulmate-game · 5 years ago
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Part 1
After the Discovery, things didn’t change as much as everyone thought they might. “Everyone” being just Marinette, of course.
She got a lecture from Lois about worrying her, and then a joke from the older woman about no longer having another non-hero in the house to team up with.
“Wait, Dad,” Jon spoke up after that comment from his mom, bobbing up and down on his heels. Both him and Clark had long since changed out of their costumes, which didn’t take long considering both of them having super speed. “Does this mean Mari can meet Damian? And is she going to join a hero team—“
“I already have a team, Jon,” Marinette interrupted, soft but firm at the same time. Two months was more than long enough to know that Jon could talk forever if he was allowed to. “Chat Noir, Viperion, Bunnyx, and Ryuuko are all Miraculous users like me,” she had already sat down and explained the bare basics of her abilities and the Paris situation. Lois had known better than to scold her, no matter how gentle the scolding was, before Marinette had a chance to say anything.
Clark blinked, looking between both of his kids. And yes, Marinette was well and truly one of his kids already. He couldn’t hold back a soft chuckle. “She can meet Damian when school starts back up again, Jon. We don’t want to rush anything,” he started out by telling his son. Marinette was still very jittery. Two months was nowhere near enough time to recover from the trauma of watching your parents die, after all.
(In fact, Clark thought, for some people not even a lifetime was long enough. Batman briefly came to mind as an example.)
The girl still had nightmares almost daily, and panic attacks that resulted in brief spans of mutism at least once a week. Those, at least, had severely decreased in frequency, but it was clear that she was far from ready to meet very many new people. Especially people like Damian Wayne, who was hard enough for someone in perfect mental health to handle even on a good day.
“And Marinette,” Clark switched over to his pseudo-daughter. “If you have that many teammates, surely they would understand that you need a break,” when Marinette didn’t meet his eyes, Clark felt dread build up in his stomach. “Marinette, they know about your parents, right?”
The girl fidgeted. Clark closed his eyes.
“Nobody knows my identity,” She admitted after a tense silence. “I know everyone else’s, even though I only found out Chat’s by accident. But they don’t know mine, and I can’t ask them to give me time off anyway.”
“Why not, honey?” Lois asked as gently as she could, picking up on the beginning signs of Marinette closing herself off. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything any of them could do to stop it. Marinette refused to meet any of their eyes, and even before she spoke her new family knew that they wouldn’t get anything else meaningful out of her about the Paris situation, at least for the day.
“They need me.”
Clark and Jon traded a look. That statement felt a bit too familiar for them. It was something they heard from a lot of heroes who tried to justify overworking themselves. It was something both of them had said before.
But they let the topic rest for the night. Pushing Marinette wouldn’t do any good for anybody.
—*—*—*—*—*
A week passed. Lois and Clark were sitting on the couch watching TV when Lois caught her husband’s eyes darting up to the ceiling. Sighing, she turned the volume down a few notches.
“Did she leave for Paris again?” She asked even though she already knew the answer. Clark nodded grimly.
“Yesterday she didn’t get back in until almost four in the morning,” he admitted, running a hand over his face. “And now, it’s already eleven and she’s just now heading out. I know she doesn’t want me or Jon going to Paris because of Hawkmoth’s magic, but…” he trailed off with his mouth set in a deep frown. Lois could only sigh and lean against his arm comfortingly.
“I know,” she breathed quietly.
“She can’t keep working herself to the bone like this, Lois. Sometimes she’ll head right over to Paris after a nightmare, like she needs to remind herself of something, but she always comes back in less than an hour in that case. But this— when she leaves to fight HawkMoth or patrol Paris before ever going to sleep in the first place— it’s like she’s trying to avoid the nightmares by overworking herself too much to even dream.”
“I know,” Lois rubbed a hand on Clark’s back in gentle circles.
“It reminds me of Batman sometimes,” Clark said, his voice filled with uncharacteristic defeat. “Marinette doesn’t get violent like Bruce, but… never sleeping, throwing herself into heroism, she even refers to Ladybug as if they are different people, Lois. I can’t always help Bruce since he’s a grown adult and more than capable of shutting me out when he wants to, but Marinette is our kid now. I’m just not sure how to help her.”
Lois took a deep breath. “Well, she’s not Bruce so you can’t just bait her into a spar to sort out her feelings,” she mused with faint humor. “But how about we start with sending Jon to Paris the next time you guys hear her leave? The sooner we figure out exactly what the situation and her relationship with her team is like, then maybe the sooner we can find some answers.”
Clark nodded, and looked back up to the ceiling. “I know you heard that, Jon. Don’t get in the way, and come back if Marinette finds you and tells you to. We don’t want her to think we don’t trust her.”
A beat passed, and Clark rolled his eyes fondly.
“Don’t forget to go to bed as soon as she gets back, Jon. I don’t want to deal with two overly exhausted children.”
A thump.
“I’m sixteen!” Jon yelled back, clearly for Lois’s benefit as his mom let out a short burst of laughter.
—*—*—*—*—*
“Ladybug!”
“Look, it’s Ladybug!” “Woo! Go ladybug!” “Could you beat this guy extra fast, Ladybug? I’m late for a meeting!”
People in the streets were shouting in French happily, pointing up at their resident spotted heroine. Some people groused at her in mild or fond annoyance, asking her to beat the Akuma-of-the-day a bit faster for various reasons or jokingly calling her a slow poke. Most people just got pictures or videos on their phones of her as best as they could, watching her swing by in awe and admiration.
It was familiar. Too, too familiar, and Jon made sure to get it all on camera. His parents would want to see this. The pair of contacts he was wearing, a gift from Red Robin, translated everything that was being said for him into helpful little English subtitles.
And there was his sister. Marinette had been tough to pin down, and this was Jon’s third time trying to follow her in Paris. The first time, the day after that late night discussion between his parents, ended in less than five minutes. Marinette caught him and sent him home firmly, which was followed by a heart-to-heart with all four of them when she got home.
She still refused to tell them anything more than the basics about Paris’s situation. For some reason, she seemed extremely reluctant to talk about it. She had no problem comparing experiences and hero jokes with him and his dad, but the moment they tried to talk about Paris-specifics, Marinette clammed up.
It was the second of Jon’s attempts to follow Marinette, just a week after the first, that brought up a possible reason. Because Jon had watched a civilian that he hadn’t been able to get to in time get pinned under a thrown car and killed—only for Ladybug’s powers to reverse all the damage and bring the man back to life.
Jon had raced back home right after that, not even giving Marinette the chance to see him. After relaying what had happened to his parents, they all agreed to one last tail. The pieces were already falling together, and none of them liked the picture they were painting. They wanted to confront Marinette as soon as possible. So here he was, another week later.
Jon kept recording throughout the fight, watching as Marinette clearly led her team. There was no mistaking that all her teammates respected her and treated her word as law. Even Chat Noir, who was Ladybug’s deputy, always referred to Ladybug’s opinion before issuing any orders. Civilians didn’t always flee the scene, taking their time as they tried to record the fight. And when the Akuma was beaten and only Ladybug made a move to catch the corrupted butterfly, the final pieces clicked into place. Jon managed to stay still long enough to catch the crowd of fans running forward, trying to mob Ladybug with pleas for autographs or statements or interviews, before he left. Ladybug’s team had acted as a buffer between her and the crowd anyway, so Jon was able to leave with a clear conscience.
When he walked into his house, already changed back into normal clothes, he waved his phone with a serious look on his face as both his parents waited anxiously.
“Yeah. This is pretty bad,” Jon warned them as he hooked his phone up to his laptop, and played the footage for them.
—*—*—*—*—*
When Marinette got home, it was to a clear intervention. Nervously detransforming, she looked to Tikki and back to her new family. The Kwami, who had previously just been explained away as the source of her powers, gently nudged the girl forward. She knew her holder needed this.
Clark and Lois gently explained why they asked Jon to follow her, explaining that they were all concerned about how badly she was overworking herself.
“You’re getting only three hours of sleep, and that’s on the days that you wake up with nightmares,” Clark’s
voice was quiet, begging her to listen. “Every other day, you teleport to what I can only hope is Paris every time, and you don’t come back for hours. Even if you spend that whole time fighting Akumas, you still only get an hour’s worth of sleep maximum when you get back. Sometimes you don’t even sleep at all until you collapse of exhaustion,” he leaned forward over the table, worry etched in every line on his face. “Marinette, we’re worried. We wanted Jon to see what the situation in Paris was like, because we thought that maybe it would explain why you seem to care about it more than your health. We didn’t know if it was just you needing to keep busy, or something else.”
“And you’re gone during the day too,” Lois added. “And we get that. HawkMoth attacks whenever he feels like, and we all understand if you have to disappear at odd times to fight his Akumas. But this is more than that, isn’t it?”
Marinette’s hands were clenched into fists, and tears were starting to bubble up in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Jon slowly approached her, waiting for her small nod before laying one of his larger hands over her fists and gently prying them open before she hurt herself. He kept his hands there, holding hers for both of their comfort.
“I took a video, today,” he admitted gently. “Dad already erased it from the laptop and my phone, don’t worry. But they— we all— needed to see it. The way Paris treats you, Marinette—“
“It’s like how Metropolis used to treat Superman. How they sometimes still do,” Lois interrupted, trying to get Marinette to meet her eyes. “We all thought that Superman showing up was the end of our problems. That as soon as he showed up, the villain or criminal or whatever that was causing us problems was done for. That he could save everyone,” Lois’s eyes grew melancholy. “But we had to learn the hard way that he’s not invincible, no matter how much he might seem like he is. We had to learn the hard way that nobody, no matter how strong or how many powers they have, can save everyone. The kind of trust we had in him before is toxic, Marinette. It’s toxic to us, because we stop being as careful as we should be if we think he’s always going to catch us. And it’s toxic to him, too.”
“How?” Marinette asked, her voice impossibly tiny and her eyes glittering with unshed tears as she darted her eyes between them. “They need someone to believe in. They— I make them feel safe. I— isn’t that good?”
“You feel like it’s your job to be there no matter what, right?” Clark asked, meeting her gaze with a warm, but firm one of his own. “That you have to do whatever it takes to win every battle, no matter what it costs you, because they believe you will. You start feeling like everyone you don’t save is your fault. And that’s not okay,” he stood up and Jon slowly backed away, allowing their father to kneel by Marinette and clasp one of her shoulders. “It always hurts. You might never forget the faces of the people you can’t save, but it isn’t your fault. You told me and Jon that you don’t blame us for what happened to your parents, that it’s stupid to blame the hero for something that wouldn’t have happened if the villain didn’t attack in the first place,” his grip tightened slightly, trying to offer comfort when Marinette tended at the mention of her parents. “If you don’t blame us, even though we were the ones in costume and fighting that day, then you need to stop blaming yourself too.”
The tears finally overflowed, salty water trickling down Marinette’s cheeks and sloppy sobs ripping themselves from her throat even as she threw herself into Clark’s chest. He hugged her tightly, letting her cry.
“B-b-But,” Marinette stuttered in between hiccuping sobs. “My powers reverse damage, m-my powers bring people back,” she sniffed, burying her face deeper into Clark’s chest. “I wanted t-to help. I-I was. S-s-So close to tr-transforming and fighting with y-you, but I didn’t. I d-didn’t, so I c-couldn’t bring them b-back. I should have been tr-transformed, th-that way they would be—“
“Shh,” Clark whispered gently, rocking her in his arms. “It’s not your fault. Metropolis wasn’t your city. You were protecting your identity, and that was the right choice.”
“But—!”
“No, Marinette,” Clark interrupted, holding her just a little tighter as she continued to tremble and sob. “If you had transformed, someone would have figured it out. A French class comes to Metropolis, and one of their students mysteriously disappears at the same time that a French hero shows up in America for the first time? Maybe you could have brought them back, but none of you would have been safe. Our villains, the villains of Metropolis, of the League, they would have suddenly known about you and might have researched Paris. Maybe HawkMoth would have gained a new ally, or maybe a villain would attack you just because you’re a new hero to target,” Clark sighed, rubbing his hand gently over Marinette’s back as her sobs quieted into a few hiccups and sniffles. She was listening. That was a good sign. “So yes, maybe you would have been able to save them that once, but you could also have opened up a new can of worms that you might not have been able to handle. Things could have gotten worse, and Jon and I wouldn’t have even known to help you. You would have continued to shoulder everything on your own, but you don’t have to. You did your best, and your parent’s deaths aren’t your fault. And you have Jon and I now, and your team even if they don’t know who you are. You can rely on us a little. If you keep going on like this, though, you’re going to kill yourself Marinette,” this time his grip tightened for a whole different reason and Clark buried his face in Marinette’s loose hair. Even after only almost three months, the thought of losing her made him breathless. She was his daughter, even if not by blood, and he couldn’t stand the thought of her hurting herself like this.
“Please, Mari,” That was Jon, who had knelt down by their side and joined the hug. “Let us help you. I promise we’re not incompetent heroes.”
Marinette’s laugh was watery, and hysteric. She accepted a tissue from Lois, who was suddenly sitting down only a foot away from the three’s group hug. After a good nose-blow, Marinette took a deep breath.
“Maybe now’s a good time to give them a proper explanation, Marinette,” Tikki said as she floated down to land on her wielder’s head, giving her the best hug she could. Marinette gave another wet chuckle.
“Yeah, I agree,” she took a deep breath. “But it’s a long story.”
“Not a problem,” Lois assured the girl as she forced herself up and stretched her arms out. “I’ll get the extra pillows and blankets. We can relax on the floor and have story time, and then binge watch movies and have a sleepover in the living room. Clark, could you be a dear and move the couch out of the way?”
—*—*—*—*—*
“You have a rule against killing, dear,” Lois whispered groggily from where she was laying against Clark’s side. Marinette was sprawled in between him and Jon, safely in their cuddle-cocoon. Both of their kids were deep asleep. Clark grunted.
“Yeah, but he put so much responsibility on kids, Lo. Kids,” he whispered back, turning his head to try and lessen the chance of waking up Jon. “And he didn’t offer them any support for almost a year, made them figure out the whole hero thing and their powers on their own,” the clearing of a tiny throat made Clark stifle a snort. “With their Kwami,” he whispered, quietly appeasing the eavesdropping Tikki who was laying on Marinette’s chest pretending to sleep. “But a god isn’t exactly a replacement for an actual hero mentor, you know,” he shot at her, making the tiny goddess shrug in acquiescence. “And making her Guardian— he basically threw all his responsibilities onto kids, and ran away. And now Marinette has to heal from all the unrealistic expectations she gave herself. So forgive me if I’m entertaining a few more violent daydreams than usual.”
Lois patted his arm and kissed his cheek. “I’m sure they will be just as violent and gratifying to imagine in the morning. Go to sleep, Smallville.”
—*—*—*—*—*
It was another two and a half weeks before Marinette met Damian Wayne for the first time. She looked from the fellow teenager in a perfectly-pressed uniform and then over to her brother with a raised eyebrow.
“Does he fly in on a helicopter every day?” She asked him incredulously, making Jon grin and nod. She looked back over at Damian, who was clearly annoyed at her for speaking about him when he was right there. “I will never understand rich people.”
Damian scoffed, rolling his eyes. “And I will never understand simpletons. Kent, who is your friend?” He practically spat the last word, making the inner bully-detector in Marinette go off. Her interactions with Chloe and Lila kicked in, and sparked her old habits. Marinette flashed a bright smile, stepping in front of Jon before he could say a word and holding out her hand to Damian. Clark, who was talking to Bruce nearby, out his hand over his mouth to hide a snort. Bruce raised his eyebrows, paying close attention to the interaction now.
“Hi! I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Clark and Lois took me in a few months ago, and they said I’m already family. That means that I’m Jon’s sister now, which means that it’s my job to keep him away from bad influences. My hobbies include annoying bullies and not being a welcome mat. How are you?”
Damian blinked once. Twice, and then took her hand and shook it firmly even as a smirk spread itself over his lips.
“Damian Wayne,” he replied easily. “And I apologize for assuming you were a simpleton. I think we can tolerate each other just fine.”
As Marinette and Damian kept trading sarcastic quips with one another that got steadily less passive-aggressive as time went on (with Jon watching in dismay as somehow Marinette seemed to get along? With Damian? And they were scheming? This couldn’t end well.), Clark and Bruce watched the kids walk into their school building.
A moment of silence stretched, before Bruce finally caved and asked; “Took her in?”
Clark grinned slightly, knowing Bruce never would have been able to resist sating his curiosity over the new girl in his care.
“Lois and I practically adopted her. Technically her paternal grandmother has custody and only gave her to us to take care of while she recovers from her grief in a different country, but that’s only because trying to adopt her without being French citizens would have been almost impossible.”
“Grief?” Bruce’s eyebrows pulled down, and Clark’s smile grew somber.
“Remember the attack in late May, back in Metropolis? The one that actually had the first fatalities in months?” Bruce’s face went slack in realization, followed closely by his eyes snapping to the school’s doors. Clark nodded. “Looks like your penchant for adopting black-haired, blue-eyed orphans is contagious. She was scraping the skin off her hands and giving herself burns trying to dig them out of the rubble. When Jon and I realized that they were both of her parents, I had Lois look into her to make sure she had family to take care of her,” Clark sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The options were a grandmother who never stops traveling or a great uncle she barely knows who only speaks Mandarin when she doesn’t. So we pulled a few strings, and now she’s a Kent in all but name.”
“I hope Damian can avoid saying the wrong thing for at least a day before I talk to him later,” Bruce said with a sigh as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “At least she seems to have won his respect pretty quickly.”
Clark laughed. “Oh yeah, she tends to do that. No offense or anything Bruce, but I think it’s a good thing we were the ones that adopted her before you got the chance,” he turned and smiled at his old friend. “You wouldn’t be able to handle Marinette. She’s closer to a Super than a Bat.”
—*—*—*—*—*
@fantasiame @thestressmademedoit @amayakans @resignedcatservant @too0bsessedformyowngood @chocolatecatstheron
Part 3
This. Was. Supposed. To be. Fluffy. Damn it. But oh well, natural story progression calls for more hurt and comfort I guess? Maybe one part left in this story I think.
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daveyjacobss · 4 years ago
Text
clarity | davey jacobs
french vanilla part seven
reader x davey jacobs
summary: a stupid decision and a moment of clarity (in which maybe things aren’t as easy as they had hoped)
a/n: happy october!! not sure if anyone even remembers or cares about this series anymore but october 1st is when it all started lol so happy anniversary :) thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and i hope you like it!! (please don’t be mad at me) as always, come tell me what you though of it!! (also this is unedited so pls forgive me for mistakes)
( french vanilla masterlist )
__________
Another month passed, all of the autumn leaves were long gone and the winter chill that lingered in the air had people crowding into coffee shops and the like. Y/N had gone to breakfast a week before with Race and Spot and they'd all been texting ever since. She'd gone to Crutchie's to bring him the promised coffee and banana bread and she had stayed there for hours talking. He'd been texting her, too. Even Sarah had started to text her regularly, chatting about whatever came to mind.
Davey Jacobs had been back in her life for a little over two months and her world felt a million times brighter. It felt like, slowly, he was bringing back all of the other people that she'd lost, too. She knew he wasn't actually responsible for Crutchie, Race, and Spot being back in her life, but it felt that way. It felt like merely his presence in her world was parting the clouds and combating the winter winds.
They were meeting up again, but this time he was coming to her apartment. Her roommate was gone for a few days visiting her parents, which meant they would have the place to themselves. It would be the first time since they saw each other again in that coffee shop that they would be alone together, no Sarah on standby waiting to act as a buffer if needed. Truth be told, she wasn't entirely sure what to do with herself while she waited for him to arrive. She had already done a deep cleaning of the apartment the night before, coffee was all ready to be made if needed, their cabinets were stocked with a good amount of snacks, and she was fully dressed and ready. That left twenty minutes until he was supposed to be there for her to walk around her apartment aimlessly, trying to calm her heart and control her breathing. She didn't have any papers out for their story. They rarely seemed to get any work done for it anyway, so she thought, maybe, she would ask if he just wanted to push the story to the side for the day. Maybe they could just talk or watch a movie or make out on her couch (okay, probably not the last one, but she could dream).
It was odd being so nervous, as if asking if he wanted to simply hang out with an excuse for doing so was some big step in their relationship. Their relationship would probably have to be normal for things to be categorized as big steps, what they had was all twisted and out of order. There were big steps that they had already taken and then backtracked on, steps they had never made it too, steps they would have to find their way back to. Still, her heart squeezed in anticipation for his telltale knock on the door. Alex would tell her how annoying her pacing was, but Alex wasn't there so she continued to stomp around.
Davey got there exactly eight minutes early, his knock loud against the wooden door. She startled like a cat, tensing immediately and practically jumping out of her skin. Her heart beat sped up to impossible rates, she felt like if she waited a few seconds more she would be able to watch it hop out of her chest and start doing laps around the building. Determined not to give it the chance, she stumbled quickly over to open the door. He was running a hand through his hair as she did so, smiling when he saw her.
"Hey," he said, bristling a little as he situated his bag and his coat. She opened the door wider to let him in and closed it behind him.
"Hey, do you want me to take your coat?" He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, obviously amused as he shrugged the garment off his body.
"Why thank you, kind madame," he said as he handed it to her, tone mocking and jovial. She laughed quietly.
"But of course, good sir," she responded, smiling up at him as she hung up his coat. Having in the apartment made the space look different somehow—smaller, but not in a bad way. It looked more homely, she supposed, cozier with his warm presence there. She took a step toward him without even really noticing, unconsciously trying to close the distance between them. "So, do you wanna watch a movie or something? There's this YouTube video I kinda wanna show you if you're down."
She saw the look of confusion pass over his face, eyes flicking over to his bag set down on the floor. She could tell he was thinking about the story, thinking about how he had brought his materials because he assumed that's what they were doing. She held her breath while waiting for him to say something, to react in some way.
Slowly, a grin spread across his face. His shoulders seem to sag a little in relief as he met her eyes. "What do you wanna show me?"
She clapped excitedly and then grabbed his hand to drag him over to the couch, picking up the remote so neither of them sat on it. She didn't realize until she had pulled the video up that she was till holding his hand. She looked at their joined fingers with wide eyes before her gaze moved upward to his face, finding him resolutely facing the TV, his cheeks flushed pink. The corners of her mouth twitched upward.
He hadn't pulled his hand away. He was still sitting there holding her hand and not looking at her and it felt remarkably similar to how it had been when they originally started dating. She untangled their fingers and moved her hand to her lap, but the feeling of his skin lingered. She had the urge to text someone about it, an all caps freaked out rambling kind of message. The thing was almost everyone she wanted to tell about it (Race, Spot, Crutchie, Sarah) was connected to Davey. She supposed she'd have to settle for telling Alex later, with his disappointingly apathetic reactions.
Later felt like it was centuries away, though, with the thoughts running through her head. He hadn't pulled away. He had just kept holding her hand. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she turned her attention to the video she had put on. Still, she remained painstakingly aware of Davey next to her and the small space between them. She wanted to scoot over and rest her head on his shoulder, curl up around him like she used to when they had movie nights. She wanted that space gone and she couldn't stop thinking about what he might do if she held his hand again. She breathed. He laughed at something in the video. She breathed again. Time seemed to be moving strangely, like they had entered their own little pocket of the world where nothing, not even the passage of time, could reach them. She took a second to revel in it before she found herself once again glancing at Davey's hands, her own fingers twitching with the desire to reach out to him.
She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep pretending she wasn't in love with him.
__________
In retrospect, Davey probably should have pulled his hand away the second they sat down on the couch. All he could think about since the last time they'd seen each other, on repeat, was that she didn't love him anymore. He was torturing himself at this point, literally laying down to have his heart stomped on. When she finally detached their hands neither of them said anything, but he could feel her looking at him and he fidgeted a bit under her gaze. He wished he wasn't so nervous around her, constantly tiptoeing around the things they wouldn't talk about. Eggshells wasn't the right word for the floor their feet had seemed to find, it was far more precarious than that. There was a fear buried deep under each of their interactions that he would say something wrong, make a reference to their relationship before or, god forbid, bring up the night it all fell apart.
And yet, she had invited him over for no reason. Not to work on the story, just to exist in the same space as her and show him a YouTube video that she thought he would like (he did, it was incredibly funny). That was dangerously close to what they had once been, and the potential of it almost scared him.
He needed to start thinking of this practically. None of his friends knew that he was talking to Y/N again, Sarah was the only one. They'd only been back in each other's lives for two months after spending over a year apart because they had broken each other's hearts. She likely wasn't still harboring any secret feelings for him, not after all that time and certainly not after what he had said to her that night. Realistically, this strange little relationship of theirs wasn't going anywhere. Maybe they would end up friends in the long run, but it was never going to go any further than that. So, thinking practically, Davey needed to decide whether it was all worth breaking his own heart every time he saw her and had to pretend that he didn't feel the same way about her that he had back then.
He wanted to just bask in the moment, to sit there with Y/N and steal glances at her as she pulled up another video for them to watch. She was so breathtakingly beautiful it was almost unreal. When he wasn't thinking practically, half the time he was convinced she didn't even exist, that he must have dreamed her up. But she was real and she was there and he needed to stop looking at her before she noticed. He wanted to bask in the moment, he really did, but he just couldn't. Not this time.
They made it through four videos before he got a text from Les. It wasn't anything important, just a question about if Davey knew where his favorite hat was, but he knew that was his chance to remove himself from the situation so he could think more clearly. He told her that the text had been from Jack and he needed him back at the apartment.
"Oh, you have to go so soon?" She frowned at him, almost pouting. He nodded, standing up reluctantly. She followed suite, looking rather dejected. It made his heart ache, seeing her upset over him leaving. But that was exactly what he needed to escape, her ability to break his heart over and over and over again every time they saw each other.
Something about it all made that goodbye seem very final. He wasn't trying to erase her from his life completely, so why did it feel like this was the last time he was ever going to see her? Maybe that was what made him do it. Maybe it was her frown or the finality of it all or the fact that he was about to go out into the cold and she always made her feel warmer. Maybe it was everything and nothing all at once. It didn't really matter why he did it, all that mattered was that when they paused together in front of the door he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her securely into his chest.
She let out a surprised squeak, but then she was leaning into his touch and burrowing her face in the material of his crew neck. He held her for longer than he probably should have, just as he had held her hand earlier. Having her so close to him formed a barrier between him and any sense of his practicality, the smell of her shampoo flooding his nose and the feeling of her hands on his back soothing him more than anything else could.
He had to pull away, he knew he did. Taking one last deep breath, relishing in the feel of her body against his, he began to untangle himself from her.
He didn't make it far.
Their eyes met with their arms still wrapped around each other. He couldn't breathe, her face so close to his that he could see even the tiniest of movements of her pupils. Practicality, his brain kept screaming at him. He was making too much out of nothing, he needed to get out of there before it got to weird and then she didn't even want to be his friend anymore (more precarious than eggshells). He needed to get out.
But then she was leaning in and pulling him closer and crashing her lips against his and he figured he could probably stay a while. Forever, really, if she wanted. Screw practicality, caution to the wind, all that mattered was the fact she was kissing him.
And he was kissing back—fervently, desperately. God, he loved her. He had so much love for her he barely knew what to do with himself, but that didn't have to mean heart break and confusion anymore because she was kissing him.
He'd been stupid, thinking this was escapable. They were inevitable—of course they were, they always had been. He could see it all in front of him: his parents welcoming Y/N back with open arms, overjoyed that Davey had won her back. Les joking around with her and letting her wear his hat even though no one else was allowed to. His friends warming back up to her and all of them getting to be together like a family again. Sarah cheering him on when he told her they were back together. Nights spent together on her couch watching dumb videos that made them laugh and mornings in his bed, constantly asking for five more minutes so they could keep holding each other. Going out for dinner and going ice skating in the winter and talking walks in the park in the spring and going on day trips to the beach in the summer and frequenting coffee shops in the fall, laughing over how it all began.
It was all right there in front of him, right in his arms. He wasn't going to let it go this time, let her go. He loved her, and she was kissing him, all was right with the world.
__________
Holy shit. She was kissing him. Y/N was full on frenching Davey and she.....had not meant to do that. But he had had his arms around her and then he was looking at her with those sparkly eyes of his and he just looked so pretty that she couldn't resist.
Kissing Davey was nice, familiar. It awoke stampedes in her stomach and sent a warm tingling feeling through each of her limbs. She had missed kissing him a lot, more than she'd initially realized. It made her want to reach up and tangle her fingers in his hair, to pull him away from her door and back into the apartment where they could make out on the couch like she had fantasized about an hour ago. The tingling sensation was taking over her body and suddenly there was adrenaline rushing through her.
Something that felt like clarity broke through the haze. Maybe it wasn't clarity, maybe it was just foolishness or fear, but it broke through nonetheless.
She pushed him away as it came over her, staring at him with wide eyes. He looked wonderfully flushed and tousled, panting as he stood there. He was looking at her like he might be in shock, and she didn't blame him. She had come out of nowhere with that kiss, no time spent spent pondering the consequences or what it might mean for them.
But there were plenty of consequences to think about, millions of things running through her head at lightning speed once she finally found the sense to think of them. And, suddenly, she wasn't so sure kissing him had been a good thing. It had been too fast, too soon after everything they had put each other through in the past. She couldn't do this to him again, and she wasn't sure her own heart could handle loving him only to lose him again. Or, worse, to somehow find, as the time passed, that she would fall out of love with him. That one day she would look at him and not feel the same way, like she was still that girl behind the counter at the coffee shop writing jokes on his napkins.
And she wouldn't be able to survive it if she had to go through the loss again. She had given up so many friends for the sake of not intruding on Davey's life after they had broken up, she'd spent her entire time in Paris so sad that she could barely enjoy all the sights.
She hadn't meant to kiss him, and she really really shouldn't have. It was too much. The room felt like it was shrinking, the walls closing in on her, and even though she was panting no air was reaching her lungs.
She looked at him, at his messy hair and his red face and his eyes completely focused on her. She loved him, she really did, but she couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry," she choke out, feeling a sob forming in the back of her throat. "I shouldn't have—"
"It's okay," he breathed. The corner of his mouth started to move upward and she let out a strangled noise like a dying animal. His face contorted in confusion but she couldn't bear to stay and explain. She opened the door and walked out, rushing down the stairs until she was outside and the cold air was burning in her chest. She didn't even realize until she was a block away that she had just abandoned Davey in her own apartment.
She hadn't grabbed a coat or gloves, her body shaking in the cold as her teeth chattered. At least her phone was in her back pocket, waiting patiently for her to make an inevitable call.
The first time her and Davey had ever had a fight she had gone to Spot and Race's apartment to rant to them about he stupid he was being. Even though they had been his friends first, they listened dutifully to her and offered up their support. They had even helped her cool down with warm drinks and funny TV shows until she felt okay enough to call Davey and apologize. What had happened in her apartment wasn't exactly a fight, but it was a Davey related panic and they had always been her go-to people for that sort of thing.
She called them when she was halfway to their place, shivering violently as she walked and praying it wouldn't start snowing. Race picked up after the second ring and, when he heard the way her teeth were chattering, urged her to find somewhere warm to wait so they could pick her up.
The closest place was across the street from where she was standing, and it was the same coffee shop where she had met Davey. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but she went inside and told Race where she was. He told her he'd be there in ten minutes, asking if she wanted him to stay on the phone while he made his way to her so she wouldn't be alone.
She told him no, but when they hung up she felt the isolation suffocating her. Everything that had happened that day weighed her down, bringing her sluggishly into a seat next to the window where she could keep an eye out for Race.
She closed her eyes for a minute, pretending she was back at home in her bed and she had never invited Davey over, never even met him again after they broke up. It tore her up to think about, but maybe the alternative—the life she had been leading before, no closure and still heart broken—was better than the mess she had landed herself in.
Race made it to the coffee shop in nine minutes and thirty six seconds, she had counted. He took one look at her and wrapped her up in his arms. It was nice, and he was warm, but it felt like Davey's touch was still lingering on her and he had squeezed too tightly on a still healing bruise.
When they made it back to Race's place, Spot was waiting for them with three steaming mugs and a soft, sympathetic smile on his face. Race had given her one of his sweatshirts at the coffee shop and she bundled herself up in it, hiding away from the world.
"What's going on, Y/N?" Race asked gently. She sighed, taking a sip from her mug. She had called them, after all, she figured it was only fair they got to hear everything.
"It's a bit of a long story..."
__________
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84 notes · View notes
notebooknebula · 4 years ago
Video
youtube
Step By Step Guide to $89,000 Deal With Jay Conner
https://www.jayconner.com/step-by-step-guide-to-89000-deal-with-jay-conner/
For today’s episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, he will teach his viewers and listeners the step by step process of how to make a profit of $89,000 that he actually earned on his recent deal.
For this specific deal, the house is located at 108 Fern Court. It’s a beautiful home over in the resort area. Jay bought this house 3 weeks ago and they are already finishing the rehab next week.
First the numbers: he bought this house for $266,000, with a rehab cost of $20,000.
The After Repair Value (ARV) is $375,000.
Let us pretend that Jay did not buy this house yet. Here is the possible Maximum Allowable Offer (MAO) for this house, $300,000.00 minus repairs of $20,000 that will be a total of $280,000 for MAO.
But sometimes there are also some unexpected repairs that you did not count on. So to cover this Jay always prepares a buffer of $10,000. By doing this, it will give him the most decent amount that he will pay.
So the amount now that Jay would almost pay is $270,000. But how much did he actually pay?
Yes, $266,000! He actually paid less than $4000 than what his formula for getting the MAO calls for.
But this is not the end yet, If you want to know the full details of this deal, and want to learn how he earned $89,000 on this deal, just watch the video.
If you want to learn how to get funding for your deals using private money, get on over www.JayConner.com/trial for 30 days of free access to Private Money Academy.
Real Estate Cashflow Conference: https://www.jayconner.com/learnreales...
Free Webinar: http://bit.ly/jaymoneypodcast
Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. Without using his own money or credit, Jay maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $64,000 per deal.
#RealEstate #PrivateMoney #FlipYourHouse
What is Real Estate Investing? Live Cashflow Conference
https://youtu.be/QyeBbDOF4wo
Channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZfl...
https://www.youtube.com/c/RealEstateI...
RSS Feed
http://realestateinvestingdeals.mypod...
Google Play
https://play.google.com/music/listen#...
iTunes:
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/r...
-------------------------------------------------
Scott Patton (00:09):
You can start.
Jay Conner (00:10):
Oh, I thought so. You’re not doing that other intro like you used to?
Scott Patton (00:13):
No, you’re getting it, then you’re going to stop and then we’re going to have the video.
Jay Conner (00:21):
So am I just doing the hook?
Scott Patton (00:23):
You’re just doing the hook.
Jay Conner (00:24):
You said it was all together.
Scott Patton (00:26):
It is all together. We’re not, we’re not stopping.
Jay Conner (00:28):
Alright, I’m gonna do the hook and then you’re going to.
Scott Patton (00:34):
We’re live, but we’re talking anyways, so might as well come here.
Jay Conner (00:37):
Who cares.
Scott Patton (00:37):
That’s right. So you’re going to do your amazing hook and then there’s going to be this beautiful boom picture video come on for like two seconds or three seconds or five seconds. And then you’re going to start.
Jay Conner (00:50):
Okay. That’s the video you’re going to play, you somewhat play the video. I don’t know what you’re talking about. You talking about the one that was normally first.
Jay Conner (00:59):
Wow. Okay. I’m ready. Maybe we got some folks watching our craziness here on the left.
Scott Patton (01:07):
Three people.
Jay Conner (01:07):
Hey, everybody it’s like, I’m getting my act together here. I’m trying to get over COVID okay. All right here we go.
Scott Patton (01:15):
I have no excuse.
Jay Conner (01:19):
So, Tell me when to go, Scott.
Scott Patton (01:20):
Alright, here we go. Five, four, three.
Jay Conner (01:27):
If you’re interested in learning, step-by-step how I made $89,000 profit on my most recent real estate deal. Stay tuned.
Jay Conner (01:46):
Well, all right folks, I have got a present for you. That’s right. Just for tuning in ere you may be watching on the live stream, or you may be watching us on YouTube, or you may be listening to us on iTunes, Google play, whatever. Doesn’t matter how you’re tuning in I’m Jay Conner the Private Money Authority, and I’ve got a gift for you. And that is as, if you are interested in getting funding for your deals without relying on banks, without relying on any kind of institutional money, then I have got a free two week trial for you to come check me out at the Private Money Academy membership. And at the Academy membership, we go live twice a month on Zoom coaching calls. And we’ve got right now almost 200 Private Money Academy members. And we interview my successful students. Talk about how we find deals, how we got our deals funded and et cetera.
Jay Conner (02:45):
So here’s how you can come join the party. In fact, if you’re watching live, the very next one is tomorrow afternoon, Wednesday at 4:00 PM Eastern time. And here’s how you can get invited get right on over folks to after finished to www.JayConner.com/Trial. If you’re brand new to the show Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, we talk about all things that relate to real estate investing. We talked about single family deals, commercial deals, self storage land, and all the above and all the below. So listen folks, if you’re brand new and we really appreciate it for you to subscribe, rate and review, like and share if you’re on YouTube, be sure to subscribe and hit that little ring, that little bell button so that when we go live, you don’t miss out on all this Real Estate Investing education.
Jay Conner (03:53):
Again, if you’re new, the reason I’m known as the Private Money Authority is because from 2003 to 2009, when Carol joy and I started investing in single family houses, we’ve rehabbed over 400 of them now, here in Eastern North Carolina, I relied on local banks and mortgage companies to fund our deals for the first six years. And in January, 2009, I got cut off from the banks with no notice along with the rest of the world. So I had to find a better way. And I was introduced to this wonderful world of Private Money, which again, it’s got nothing to do with banks, nothing to do with any kind of institutional money. It’s got nothing to do with hard money. I’m not talking hard money. I’m talking private, private money, which is very, very different. So I’ve got Carol Joy, I’ve got 40 some private lenders right now funding our deals.
Jay Conner (04:46):
And we always come home with a big check. When we buy a house, we never have to take any of our own money to closing. So again, if you want to learn those types of techniques and strategies, when we finish, get and come on over to the free trial again at www.JayConner.com/Trial. What’s on today’s show? We are talking deals to be specific. We’re talking about a specific deal. So when I opened up, I said to stay tuned. If you’re interested in learning how I am making I’m in the process of making $89,000 profit, less carrying cost on this particular house. So first I want to give you the numbers on this deal. So the house is located right here in Pando Shores at 108 Fern court, So let’s go over the numbers first.
Jay Conner (05:41):
So if we’re watching there on the video, Scott, I’m gonna let you put the numbers up in the order that we went over them. So I want you all to be taking notes and writing this down. So I bought this house beautiful home over in the resort area over on the Island. I just purchased it and listen, folks. I just bought this house three weeks ago tomorrow. I’ve had it less than three weeks and we’re going to be finishing the rehab. My crew leader just told me next week. So we bought it for 266,000, the rehab right around $20,000. So this is not a big, huge, you know, I mean, this is all cosmetic. We’re putting down brand new luxury vinyl plank flooring throughout the house. No carpet, no carpet whatsoever, all new luxury vinyl plank there’s beautiful tile in the kitchen that we’re going to keep.
Jay Conner (06:40):
The home is not that old. It was recently just built a few years ago. It’s got really, really high end granite countertops that we don’t have to touch. So we’re doing only flooring throughout. The square footage on this home is right around 1600 square feet or so. We’re doing all new interior paint my lands! they did have some outlandish colors going on in this house. So we’re doing only paint. And of course I don’t pick out the paint, Carol Joy don’t pick out the paint. We got Beth Garner, our interior designer. That’s been with us ever since 2004. She picks out all the colors. The cabinets are really nice, high-end cabinets in this house. But the, it looked like the paint had faded. I mean, the canbinets almost looked like a little dingy yellow. I don’t know what was going on.
Jay Conner (07:36):
So we’re just painting those cabinets, white. And again the, I mean, those are the major items we’re doing all new light fixtures, all new switch plates, new vent covers, we’re painting the garage floor. We paint all of our garage floors and they look brand new. So again, it’s gonna be a quick rehab, bought it for 266. Rehab is right around 20. In fact, it could end up being closer to 15. I don’t think we’re going to hit 20, but Murphy shows up in every house, right? The after repaired value, the ARD, the after repaired value on this house is $375,000. So let’s run these numbers and see what it looks like. So our next numbers, let’s just pretend that I hadn’t bought this house yet. So let’s go over what the maximum allowable offer would be on this house.
Jay Conner (08:31):
So remember you’re using, we only use Mayo maximum level of offer when you are paying all cash for a house. So the maximum allowable offer to figure out what’s the most you would pay for this house. You take the ARD the after repaired value. And when the ARD is over $300,000, we multiply times 80%. Now, when the ARD is under 300,000, we multiply times 70 percent, right? So we take 375,000, that’s the after repaired value. And you know, our definition of after repaired value is this home is going to look brand new. We’re going to have new landscaping upfront, absolutely beautiful. So you take 375,000 multiply that time 80% because the ARD the 375 is higher than 300, that equals $300,000. Now we’re figuring up what would be our maximum offer on this house. Then we take the 300,000 and you subtract the repairs.
Jay Conner (09:32):
So our repairs on the high end are going to be around 20. So we subtract 20 away from the previous number. Now, the maximum allowable offer is $280,000, but we’re not finished. I never offer Mayo. Does Murphy live in every house? Yes, Murphy lives in every house. Sometimes Murphy’s cousins, grandparents show up. And you know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about the unexpected repairs that you didn’t count on. So I was buffering at least an additional $10,000 on any house that I’m buying to make sure I’m covering the unexpected. Then that actually gives me what’s the most I would pay. So the most I would pay would be 270,000. Remember that Mayo maximum level offer was 280,000, less than additional 10 to 70 would be the most I’d pay. And how much did I pay? 266,000. So I actually paid $4,000 less than what my formula calls for.
Jay Conner (10:39):
So I actually have $14,000 built in here in this deal for the unexpected. So there’s the numbers. So now let’s talk, talk about how so that’s right. $89,000 is the profit. And of course, do you have to subtract carrying costs, which are private lender, you know, interest, insurance taxes, I don’t know, number to put in exactly procuring cost. Cause I don’t know exactly how long I’m going to have this house, but my exit strategy is I’m going to put her in the multiple listing service and sell it like that. In this hot market. My lands inventory is so, so scarce, I mean, I just put a house on the market last week, over here in Beaufort, small house, 1,350 square feet. I put it in the market for 239,900 in two hours. We had four showings already scheduled, lined up. And the offer that I got was actually more than the list price.
Jay Conner (11:37):
In fact, I never had an offer like this. They said, I you’ll accepted our offer. When we get the home inspection done anything that costs less than a thousand dollars, we want to ask you to fix it or do anything. Well, they shouldn’t find much of anything cause it was a complete rehab. Back to Fern Court. How did I find deal? Using my Foreclosure System, using my Foreclosure System? What in the world is that? my Foreclosure System is a system that Carol Joy and I started putting together back in 2004 where we track every foreclosure open file in our target market, here in Eastern North Carolina. Well, this we were tracking, this is one of the open files. And so the people there was another bid. So the bank had an opening bid, then somebody else bid and they won the bid. Well, here in North Carolina, we have this thing called the 10 day upset period.
Jay Conner (12:36):
And so that means anybody within 10 calendar days can come in, upset the bid by at least 5%. And that just goes on to infinity until everybody stops bidding. So I upset their bid and I’m sure it made them upset, right? So anyway, I upset their bid and they did not come back and upset my bid. So we were the winning bidder on this house. So again, using my Foreclosure System, we were able to track all that and not miss out on any opportunities. Now, how did I fund this deal? Private money. You see you may be familiar with buying a house subject to the existing note. Couldn’t buy this house subject to the existing note because it was vacant. It’s already gone through the foreclosure process. And the only way that you can buy the foreclosures like this is you’ve got to have all the cash lined up, ready to buy.
Jay Conner (13:33):
So if I didn’t have private money sitting on the shelf ready to go from one of my private lenders, I would have missed out on this deal. So I had to close within 10 days. And of course that’s more than plenty of time when you’re working in this world of private money to get your deal funded. So lessons learned had to have private money ready to go. I used my tracking system, the Foreclosure System, not to miss out on this deal. And then when it comes to the rehab, if you’re going to be doing any rehabbing, you’ve got to have a relationship with fantastic general contractor or general contractors. Now in mine Carol Joy’s world, we work with general contractors and we have our own crews as well that have been working with us. This particular house is being rehabbed by one of our crews.
Jay Conner (14:29):
But if you’re just starting out, don’t get your own crew. You want to do business with a general contractor. That’s proven to have an excellent reputation. So there you have it folks, 108 Fern Court, $89,000, profit, less the carrying costs. And I see we’ve had a question come in here from, hello, Jesse. So glad to have you here on the show. Jesse says, have you ever used Fund and Grow zero interest business credit cards and Jesse, Yes. A long time ago. In fact, I know the founder of that company, Mike Banks, he and I are in a Mastermind group together. And they really are a good company. They’re a good company to work with. One downside is, is there is going to be a limit to the amount of money Jessie that you can get. Here in this world of Private Money, there is no limit to the number of lenders you can do business with.
Jay Conner (15:28):
There’s no limit to the amount of money that you can borrow. So, excellent question, Jesse. Thank you for chiming in there. There you have it folks. 108 Fern Court, $89,000, profit, less carrying costs. And again, I’d love for you all to come join me a couple of times a month in the Private Money Academy membership. And you can get right on right where they are right now. Since we’re wrapping up this show right now to www.JayConner.com/Trial. You all have a good one. I’m Jay Conner, the Private Money Authority wishing you all the best and here’s to taking your Real Estate Investing business to the next level. I’ll see you on the next Zoom coaching call for Private Money Academy membership attendees. See you there on the inside.
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vidsquad · 3 years ago
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diazevans · 5 years ago
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he is your world (you just don't know it)
It’s not that she wants Eddie to hurt, not at all. Shannon loves him, respects him, and if it were in her hands, she would give him absolutely everything in the world that could make him happy.
or
Shannon Diaz gets to live and it changes everything.
CHAPTER 5: THE KITCHEN SCENE.
READ ON AO3 - OTHER CHAPTERS: 1, 2, 3, 4
They talk.
Shannon calls Carla to take care of Christopher in her house once he is out of school and they meet up at Eddie's, where he and Buck are already waiting for her. It's not pretty, by any means, and there is a lot of yelling involved but they manage to remain objective.
No, they are not here to talk about them. No, Shannon is not going to take absolutely any measure to take Christopher away from Eddie. Yes, it would be in Eddie's best interest that he never steps a foot close to any fighting pit or he would lose his job and probably, some body parts, courtesy of Shannon herself.  
It's somehow something that they all can agree on.
It doesn't mean, in any way, that things go back to the way they were. While they have both promised to try their best to be civil, Shannon finds herself using Buck to communicate with Eddie, like a messenger. She knows it's not fair to him, but he seems okay with being a buffer between them both, mostly because Buck is happy to be able to talk to Eddie about anything these days. She may be upset about the whole thing, but she is still Buck's friend and she can't miss the opportunity to tease him about how attached at the hip they are these days. It's adorable, really.
Those are the reasons why Buck is now an added presence at family nights.
Before the whole mess, Eddie and Shannon had decided to spend time together at least two nights a week, the three of them wherever it was Christopher's turn to sleep over. They both knew how happy their son was on those nights and no matter how weird things were between them, the kid had no reason to pay the consequences. So family nights had stayed and inviting Buck had been a no-brainer for everyone involved.
It was easier to not want to snap at Eddie for every single thing when he was looking at Buck with a blush on his cheeks.
Passing more time with them together was only making her see how much of their relationship had changed since the day of her fight with Eddie. She knows they were close before, but she is pretty convinced that the lingering touches and heart eyes have to be something new, or at least in this level of obvious. Buck keeps telling her that nothing is really happening, nothing romantic , but she doesn't know how long that is gonna last, especially since they keep throwing each other love declarations in the middle of dinner.
Seriously, Shannon was pretty sure that Eddie had tried to send Buck into cardiac arrest when he said, all soft eyes and crooked smile, that he was his favorite person in the world for offering a beer. A fucking beer.
She is not sure if she should tell them to get a room or a marriage license.
The answer becomes very clear when she goes to the kitchen a while after they went to grab their beers and put the plates on the sink. Shannon is just going to grab some juice for herself when she is met with the image of the two of them, kissing in the kitchen.
Scratch that, they are not kissing. They are making out like there is no fucking tomorrow.
She stays frozen for a second, long enough to see that Eddie is seated on the counter and Buck is between his legs, trying to be impossibly closer, before she turns around and presses her body against the wall, putting one hand on her mouth to prevent her from making any sound. She is pretty sure neither of them had even noticed that she was there and it earns her a few seconds to compose herself, to calm her heart that was beating way too fast for it to be healthy.
Shannon is not sure why she feels like this and well, it’s one thing knowing that it was gonna happen and other entirely to see it in front of your eyes. Still, she is glad that nothing that she is feeling is even close to jealousy, for either of them, not that she was really worried about that. Whatever she and Eddie had it's long gone now and well, Buck has never been like that for her. He was handsome and so good, but he is her friend . Almost like a little brother, someone that makes her want to put herself in between him and any pain that comes in his way.
The thought makes her smile under her hand, because it's easy now to recognize what she is feeling.
She is so fucking excited .
Finally, after all this time, those two men that she considered family were getting their shit together. No more pining, no more brooding; they were both finally getting what they both had wanted for so long. It felt like a little miracle, to be honest. And she could already imagine how happy Buck was gonna sound on the phone when he told her, or the way Eddie was gonna blush while trying to pretend he is all cool and collected. Oh and Christopher, he was gonna be so happy.
"Hey buddy." As soon as she comes back to the living room, she kneels in front of her son, with a bright smile.  "Would you like it if you and I have a sleepover tonight? I saw something a little bit scary in the morning and I think I'm gonna need my Superman tonight to keep me safe." Christopher agrees right away, promising to protect her against anything that comes their way. She really is gonna miss these times when it's so easy to use little white lies for the greater good.
When both men come back to the living room, thankfully somehow put together, Shannon is quick to explain her plan with Christopher, innocent smile playing on her lips. They look confused for a moment, both knowing it was Eddie's night but before they can protest, she suddenly remembers she is thirsty because when she went to the kitchen to get her juice, she had gotten distracted with something else .
Her kid laughs because she is so silly sometimes and she can't help but join him when Bucks drop the controller he had in his hands, so loudly that she is pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard it. It's hilarious, to be honest.
When her eyes find Eddie, however, there is too much in them, so she stops the teasing and is quick to propose a video game that takes all the boys attention quickly.
It's not until he is helping her to get Chistolher on her car that they get a moment to talk. Their son is already half asleep, so she knows there is no reason to worry about little ears hearing their conversation when she waits for him against the driver seat. The street is empty apart from them and the night is quiet, and she can't help but think it's a perfect night for a talk.
"He is ready to go." Eddie comes to stand beside her, letting out a sigh as he looks up to the sky. Shannon takes a moment to watch him, feeling content when she sees the ghost of a smile on his lips.
"You can take him tomorrow." She is not strong enough to not change the tone, the opportunity to tease him is just too tempting. "In case you are not too busy. " It feels natural to punch his arm with her elbow lightly and she is delighted when his whole face looks like it's caught on fire.
"Shut up." He seems unable to not smile, even when he is not looking at her. It’s almost like a weight has been lifted from his shoulder and some of the tension that’s been present in his face in the past few days is gone. For a moment, they both stay in silence and Shannon doesn’t try to break it or move. She misses him, the easy companionship they had formed and she is too content in staying in this peace a little bit longer. Yet, she knows they have to talk sooner or later and he must think the same way, since he speaks again a minute after. "Are you really okay with this?"
She knows this is too important for him, that whatever she thinks is relevant for him, so she gives herself a second to check that she can give him the most honest answer she has. “I am.” Turning her head around, she gives him a reassuring smile, just before frowning slightly " Well , you did treat him really badly for a while." Eddie seems ashamed at that, looking down to his feet and well, she is too weak for the Diaz men to not give in. "But I want my second favorite person in the world to be happy, so I guess I can overlook that."
In the way Shannon looks at him, there is no two ways about who she is talking about. That it’s him .
His expression turns impossible softer, so full of fondness that she feels her throat close.
"I'm sorry, for everything." Eddie means it, she knows , but it’s the first time she can accept it completely. There has been so much anger on her, so much bitterness for everything that had been unspoken between them for so long.
"I know." She has to hold his hand to reassure him, to let him know that they are in this together. Because no matter what happens, no matter who calms along, they are always going to have each other. "We are family. That's never gonna change." Without caring about the fights or the misunderstandings, no matter what. And now Buck, good caring Buck, had come to fit perfectly in the space between them.
"You know I love you, right?” It should be weird, to hear that, but in the quiet of the night it’s the most obvious thing that she has heard or seen the entire day. And that is saying something.
"Love you too, Edds."
A few moments later, when she is inside her car and he is waiting for her to go, she can’t help but take advantage of their renewed friendship at least one more time.
She waves him goodbye, starts the car and speaks a little bit higher than someone with a child sleeping on the passenger seat should do.
"Hey, be safe!"
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fernwehbookworm · 5 years ago
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Woke The F*ck Up- Chapter 11
November 30th, 2017
Of course, it couldn’t last. Cadmus seemed to be everywhere. Now it wasn’t just drugs and guns. They were now spreading propaganda. Hate speech against anything and everything. Immigrants to minority citizens to the LGBT community. The city was being whipped into a fury. Protesters took to the streets as elected officials debated equal housing rights which lead to a riot as the right-winged conservatives started throwing bottles and rotting food at the rainbow-colored crowd sitting in the park across the street from city hall with colorful signs held up to display their thoughts.  
Shootings were occurring more frequently in the Hispanic neighborhoods, bullets being traced to high-end weapons that were similar to weapons Kara had turned over to the police from various busted Cadmus warehouses. Cadmus was the embodiment of the ‘Ideal Conservative American’ to the point where Kara was sure they were killing and driving away anyone who didn’t fit into their mold. As a bisexual woman, and James as a black man, Team Superfriends was starting to take this personally. Kara even had Winn sew a pride flag onto her sleeve. When someone got a picture of that during a daytime bank robbery, Power Girl was plastered on protest signs and became the main target of hate speech. Kara felt like she was living in a war zone, trying to find terrorists who want to build a wall and keep everyone out. Kara was growing more and more frustrated at the stupidity of people. They were no longer debating laws, they were debating whether humans should be treated like humans. It made Kara sick. She had to stop Cadmus, it wouldn’t solve everything but it would stop the fan from stoking the fire.
Kara was so busy that she had to hire contractors to do most the renovating when she had planned on doing some of it herself. Winn did manage to install a secret door from the first floor to the basement where their operations were held. He kept the men from even thinking of looking down there.
Days ticked by as Kara spent more and more time in the city, helping the police contain the violence as well as trying to find the source of everything Cadmus. She even skipped on going back to Midvale for Thanksgiving with Eliza and Alex, Eliza still not knowing how Kara really spent her time. Kara just told her foster mother that the gym was taking up a lot more time than she thought. Alex was furious. Her and Eliza had had a strained relationship ever since Kara was adopted. They moved past most of it but the Jeremiah died and Alex fell into drinking, which caused new issues to open old wounds. Kara always acted as a buffer. Alex made sure Kara knew of every awkward detail. Kara was too focused to care too much. She still couldn’t figure out who was in charge of the seemingly ever-expanding group. Only that it was a woman. One that no one ever saw up close. A woman who had an extensive chain of command and rarely got her hands dirty. Always a woman, never a name.
Lena’s tour had four weeks left and Kara’s heart ached to see her. Phone calls and video chatting didn’t help. Kara wanted to hold Lena again. She wanted to paint her. Well, Kara was painting her, and sketching her, and doodling her, any chance she could. Sometimes Kara didn’t even realize it was happening, she would be talking to Winn about something and all of the sudden Lena’s likeness would be on the paper below her pencil. Kara had it bad. She thinks she may love Lena but something was stopping her. That’s a lie. She knows what it is. Kara is a vigilante, who risks her life and jail time daily, and is still keeping it a secret. No, Lena knows she is going to tell her in just a matter of weeks. It's not really a secret then.
Despite Kara’s aching heart, she still missed phone calls and flights, every time she seemed to be caught up in one mission or another, or helping to stop riots before escaping with Guardian from the police. The cops weren't really trying to arrest the two people making a difference but the police chief was determined to bring down all criminals. Lena seemed to be understanding but even Kara was growing frustrated with not seeing her girlfriend and she was surrounded by friends. Kara texted Jess daily to really know what was happening with Lena, she was lonely. When not performing, Lena locked herself away to work on her music. She almost had a whole album recorded, ahead of schedule.
“Damn it, Kara. Again? How hard is it to be on time to the airport?”
“I am so sorry Lena. National City is in an uproar. Whole streets are closed to contain the protests and riots. James wanted an extra set of hands to take pictures and I got caught in the middle of it.” A couple of beats of silence.
“James… You are spending a lot of time with him lately.” It took a second for Kara to comprehend the jealousy underlining Lena’s neutral tone.
“No Lena, god, no. James is just a friend. Even less, he is my cousin’s friend and I do stuff like this for him and he will help with advertising for the gym.”
“Okay.”
“Lena, please believe me. I know you, I know you are thinking that of course, you won't be good enough. Damn it, I hate that’s the first place your thoughts go. But it isn’t true. Lena, I am so sorry this is my fault for not planning ahead. I miss you so much. I hate breaking promises but I am trying...”
“Kara-”
“I was looking forward to seeing you and meeting Sam and Ruby because you always sound so excited when you talk about dinner with them or teaching Ruby to play the piano and-”
“Kara! Shut up! All I said was okay. Yes, I feel a little insecure because this is the fifth flight you missed but also I know I ask a lot of you to put your life on hold there. Just try and make the next one. Now, I have to go tell a preteen that her new idol won’t be joining us tonight.”
“New idol? What do you mean?” Lena laughs
“Ever since she found out I was dating you, she has found every little bit of information on you. Including pirated videos of most of your fights. You should have seen Sam when Ruby told her she wanted to start taking boxing lessons. She literally had no words. It was quite hilarious.”
“And now I feel even worse for missing my flight. I hope she isn’t too disappointed. But please, have fun with them. When I meet Ruby, I will give her a few lessons, with her mother’s permission, of course.” Lena laughs through the line.
“I will let Sam know. And Kara? Please, stay safe. It sounds dangerous there and I worry about you being in the middle of all that.” Guilt washes over Kara. She swallows past the lump in her throat.
“I will. Goodbye, Lena.”
“Bye Kara,” Lena says softly. The line goes dead and Kara sighs as she returns to gazing over the crowd below in the park. She was perched on top of city halls roof. James stood next to her as they watched for signs of trouble.
“Still haven't told her, huh?”
“It's none of your business.” Kara snaps at the man in metal armor.
“I think it is when you go galavanting to another country every other weekend and take phone calls on the job. You are distracted and it's going to get you hurt.”
“Don’t act like some wise sage James. I have been doing this much longer. Hell, the only reason you are here with me is so you wouldn’t die trying to do this yourself. So don’t talk down to me James. Don’t forget, I never wanted you here. You forced your way into this. I was fine with just Winn and I. So stay out of my relationship.” Kara can see James’ eyes tighten in anger behind his helmet.
“Fine. Just, I think there may be a real reason you haven't told her, more than she would be mad. I’m going to the other side of the park. We should probably spread out anyway, there are a lot of people here and that threat wasn’t very specific.” He leaves without another word. Kara keeps her eyes below.
**
Lena hangs up and sighs. Kara knew her too well. That was exactly where her thoughts went. And still were. Her brain knew that Kara wouldn’t lie to her about this. Kara liked her and would be faithful. But missing flight after flight and then it took three phone calls just to get a hold of Kara today alone. It was chipping away at Lena’s barely pieced together heart. She hadn’t told Jess or Sam yet, but she lost her momentum in her music. Her worry no longer allowed the happier music she had been writing to flow out. Each chord felt like a dead end. She walked back into the studio and found Sam at the soundboard. The tall woman spun in her seat to face Lena, her smile faded quickly at the frown on Lena’s face.
“Kara missed her flight. It's just the three of us for dinner.” Lena plops down next to her friend/ producer. Sam scowls.
“Look, I know you like her, but I like her less and less every time this happens. Are you sure she is worth it.”
“She really is Sam. I know how this looks since you never met her.”
“It looks like a pretty girl weaseled her way into your life, received free trips around the world and the fame of dating Lena Luthor and now she is ghosting you because she is over it and got what she wanted.”
Tears prick Lena’s eyes. That is exactly her worst fear with Kara. Sam picked it right up and said it out loud. Lena tried to blink the offending liquid back but it just made it worse. The hot tears escaped. Sam looked over and noticed. She pulled Lena in for a hug.
“Oh geez Lena, I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I mean I do but I know you like her I should have kept it to myself.”
“I-it’s just t-that that is exactly wh-what I have been th-thinking this whole time. I mean, it was so small at first but now, now it feels like it’s shouting in my h-head and I-I don’t know what to do. God, everything was s-so great until she left in Munich.” Lena is actually sobbing. She hasn’t felt like this since college. She feels ridiculous, but Sam is soothingly rubbing her back and she feels safe. After a while, Lena manages to catch her breath again and pulls away, but Sam firmly holds on to her hand still.
“I’m sorry, I haven't cried in… years. I don’t know where that came from.”
“Lena, this is completely normal. Crying is good because it helps you process emotions. If this is a fear you have then you definitely need to talk to Kara about it.” Sam says seriously. Lena barks a watery laugh.
“And if it's true, do you think she would just come out and say it? And if it's not true I’ll just hurt her with my doubt.”
“I just hate seeing you like this. I didn’t really know you before Kara but this Lena Luthor has been great and happy and Ruby loves you. By the way, she asked if she could start calling you Aunt Lena.”
“Really? God, I am going to cry again. Tell her yes I would love that. God, what is happening to me? I used to not have feelings.”
“It’s called being human, Lena. And having a family. Sometimes feelings suck, sometimes they are the best thing in the world.”
“I hate feelings.” Lena mopes. Sam laughs.
“Well too bad. Now, let's get back to work.”
**
December 5th, 2017
They finally had what they needed. The Cadmus Leader would be in National City organizing their next plan. Kara learned this from a scared new recruit as she transported him to police custody in a less than ideal manner. Winn was busy figuring out which warehouse she was actually going to be in while James and Kara suited up. And then they were on the move, Winn directing them through the still bustling nightlife of National City.
Warehouse was a loose term. It looked to be converted into a compound. High fencing with barbed wire. Shipping containers stacked high to serve as watchtowers. Armed men patrolling around the building. Everything was brightly lit and made it hard to find a dark corner to slip in. Winn's newest toy hovered silently by Kara's head. A small drone capable of x-raying through walls and tracing heat signatures. It would relay those back to Winn so he could better direct the vigilantes. With the extra eye in the sky, Kara and James carefully circumvented each prowling, trigger-happy, guard and made it to the roof of the warehouse. Skylights peppered the roof to let in light during the day. Now they shone brightly as the occupants worked to spread terror to the outside world. Kara crouched over one near the center and peered through.
Down below was everything. Tables of what Kara assumed were kidnapped women in their underwear as they bagged drugs for distribution. More men circled them along with the rest of the warehouse. Weapons caches were well guarded. Men and women were training in hand to hand combat and on a shooting range. There were even tables set up to act like an eating area and bunks in rows in a darker corner. In the middle, separated with fencing, and heavily guarded, was a bomb.
“Winn, are you seeing this?” Kara whispers.
“Oh yeah. Scanning now. Give me a second.”
Kara waits and takes deep steadying breaths while James shifts beside her. Part of her wishes she had left the man behind But also she knows she could never handle this alone. Whatever becomes of this she is glad to have back up, even if it is as inexperienced as James. The pair on the roof watches the work below in silence.
“Yup, that’s a bomb. When that is complete it can level at least ten city blocks.”
“Well shit.”
“Kara, if that goes off where it is, most of the surrounding community is Latino or African American. It will kill most of those populations in National City.”
Kara pauses. Thinking. Cadmus was bringing everything to a head. Hate was spreading like a virus and this was literally going to blow it into a nationwide problem.
“Winn, you said when this is complete. So it's not right now.”
“Correct. If it blows right now it should just take down the warehouse. But it will kill almost everyone inside.”
Kara watches the rounds of men. She watches the women working and a man entering the fencing around the bomb. He sets to work. Kara sighs.
“Winn, call Alex. We are in over our heads. Patch her through.” A pause then a beep.
“Kara? This better be good. Do you know what hour it is?”
“Alex, I need you. Actually the whole FBI. Cadmus has officially turned terrorist and I am in over my head.” Rustling through the line indicates Alex probably getting out of bed and dressing.
“What the hell am I supposed to do with that. How am I supposed to get a unit out because my sister the gym trainer told me to.”
“I don’t know Alex! Say it was an anonymous tip or something. Alex, They are building a bomb. One to level several blocks of National City. Men are heavily armed. Captured women are sorting drugs. This is it. Winn, send Alex the address. Get here.” Kara tapes her earpiece and ends the call.
“So, we are just going to wait?” James asks, voice oddly echoey in the helmet.
“Yup. Might as well get comfy.”
After a few minutes, something begins to happen below. Almost everything seems to halt. Doors Kara previously missed, opens. Out of the darkness and into the center of the warehouse, walks Lillian Luthor. Kara recognizes her from an old photo Lena had shown her. The woman is tall and proud. Commanding a room without speaking. A leader. It sends chills through Kara. Lillian says something and then listens to the response from the man working on the bomb. She nods approvingly, then strides towards the front of the warehouse, flanked by much more seasoned looking men. Men who do this for a living, for a life. Kara hears engines approaching and she knows in her gut that it isn't Alex. Lillian is going to escape.
Kara stands suddenly, starling James who had reclined against the slightly sloped roof.
“We can’t let her get away.”
“Let who?”
“Lillian Luthor, the Leader of Cadmus.”
James looks through the window.
“Kara, we can’t take them on our own.”
“We just have to stall until they get here.”
Kara crouches to keep her center of gravity low and strides towards the front of the building. There will definitely be too many guards out front to deal with if she doesn't take a few out before Lillian gets there. A glance in the next window shows that Lillian has stopped to talk to someone else.
At the edge of the roof, just out of the flood of light, Kara peers down. She unholsters the Night-Night gun and aims for the closets man perched on shipping containers. She silently prays the hours Alex spent drilling her on various weapons pays off. Once Alex joined the FBI she wanted to make sure Kara could protect herself, then it became a way for them to bond and spend time together. It slowly escalated over the years to more advanced weapons and targets. Kara had put it on hold though when she started her vigilantism. She takes a deep breath, slowly releases it, and pulls the trigger. A small clicking sound and a small flash of blue in the darkness, the silhouette drops to the ground.
“Way to go, Winn,” Kara whispers.
“Thank you.” He says cheekily. Kara just rolls her eyes and aims for her next target. She empties the clip, making one guard drop after another, before popping in another. Soon no one remains outside the front and not a sound has risen to raise the suspicion of those inside.
Until of course the front doors open and Lillian Luthor begins to make her way to the front entrance and where three heavily armored transport vehicles wait for her. She pauses a few feet out the front door when she sees a man slumped against the wall. The men flanking her draw their weapons. Kara drops behind them and knocks the knee out from one. The other turns and fires but Kara has already rolled away. Shouts from inside. Lillian holds a hand to stop the man from firing again. James drops next to her and holds up his shield.
“Oh good, both of my favorite vigilantes. This will make getting rid of you two so much easier. You have made my life more than difficult.”
“You have been causing panic through the city,” Kara says, the voice modulator changing her voice.
“Oh my dear, we have been restoring order to the city. And soon the country.”
“Order never follows bombs. They just cause death and destruction.”
“It will be a new beginning. A fresh start to build on.”
“You are insane.”
“I am right.” Lillian Looks to the door behind the heroes.
“Kill them.”
The woman turns away and Kara’s attention is diverted to the mass of men. All were armed and armored. Kara and James stand back to back.
“There is too many.” He says through there comms.”
“We just have to stall. Alex will be here.”
A man breaks the standoff and the first punch is thrown. They are too tightly packed for weapons or risk shooting each other. At first, everything goes well. James uses his shield to protect most of his body while smashing the others. Kara drops man after man. But soon their overwhelming numbers separate the pair. Kara is being attacked from all sides, slowly being forced from her partner. One punch hits, then another. A kick throws her off balance. Someone throws her over.r third shoulder and she is outside the ring of bodies. From the ground, she can see Lillian's retreating form. She pushes from the ground to chase the woman down. Mere feet from her, Kara is stopped by a grip of iron pulling her back to the ground. The man stands over her, he looks vaguely familiar but it escapes her how. Kara's vision is blurry from her head hitting the ground.
“You can't stop this Power Girl. Actually, how pretentious is that? What do you say I know who you really are?” Lillian appears over Kara, Kara tries to sit up but a heavy boot is planted in her chest. Lillian reaches down to pull back the hood and remove the mask. She frowns, almost like she ate something distasteful.
“Why if it isn't the little blonde who has been running around with my daughter. Another way for her to disappoint me. I wonder, does she know about your evening activities?”
“She isn't your fucking daughter. And she is not a disappointment.”
Lillian looks amused.
“Oh, so she doesn't know. How wonderful. Kill her, make it hurt.” The last part directed to the man above Kara.
Sirens in the distance cause Lillian to hurry away but Kara can no longer worry about that. The boot over her is gone, just long enough to swing back and hit her ribs. Kara has no advantage. She can't get her feet, can't get away. Kick after kick lands to her sides and stomach. A high kick brings the man's hell down and she hears the snap of her collarbone breaking. He straddles her and brings his hands to her neck. She tries to throw him off but he just headbutts her eye and slams her head back down. Everything is going dark, whether from head trauma or lack of oxygen, Kara isn't sure. Gunfire. Shouting. The night from her chest is gone, but the darkness is still coming.
“...ara!” A muffled yell. It's familiar.
“Kara, please…” it begs.
“Kara you are going to be fine you big idiot.” It's Alex standing over her, but her mouth isn't working. Then there is nothing as Alex’s tear-stained face fades away.
**
December 9th, 2017
An annoying beeping invades the darkness. It becomes insistent, begging to be noticed. Kara tries to open her eyes and winces. She tries to rub at then but her hand is trapped by something, a desperate grip. Kara blinks and looks down. Alex is asleep in a chair with her head on the bed, fingers tightly gripping Alex’s. Her other arm is in a sling. Kara's movements must have roused her because Alex is sitting up a blinking sleep away.
“Kara!” She exclaims.
“Hey…” Kara's voice is hoarse and gravely.
“I ought to kill you but I'm too happy that you are okay.” Alex stands and kisses Kara's forehead. Kara leans into the affection from her sister.
“What happened?” Kara manages to get out. Her sister reaches for the pitcher of water and hands Kara a cup with a straw.
“You were almost killed, that's what happened.”
“Lillian… Did you catch her?”
“No,” Alex says solemnly.
“James is he…?”
“He's fine. That armor took the brunt of it. Although he isn't too happy with you I don't think.”
“So, I guess this means my identity is blown.”
“Yes, and no.”
Kara looks at her sister curiously.
“Kara, I don't work for the FBI. I work for a secret government organization inside the government looking to take down local terrorist groups and our main focus has been Cadmus. They haven't done enough to be classified for our intervention until you called with the bomb information.  But since we were keeping tabs on Cadmus, we were also keeping tabs on you. I did not tell anyone, but someone else found out who you were. My director has made the decision to let you do what you are doing because of how you do it. You are now in one of our facilities and are getting the best care possible. So yes your identity is out, but only to those who already knew.”
Kara goes quiet and stares straight ahead while she processes. That was a lot of information to take in.
“Kara, say something. Please.” And Kara opens her mouth to do so when the television Alex must have been watching before falling asleep catches her attention. Lex Luthor arrested for conspiring with terrorists. Kara grabs the discarded remote off her bed and turns it up.
“Yesterday, with the aid of one Mr. Clark Kent. Another Luthor was put behind bars. Kent's investigation into the Luthor family in conjunction with the police and FBI…”
Yesterday he was arrested.
“Alex, how long have I been asleep?”
Alex winces.
“You had considerable head injuries and several broken bones and your lung even collapsed due to a broken rib…”
“Alex. How long?” Kara asks sternly.
“Four days.” Kara swallows hard, forcing back the continually rising panic.
“Where is my phone?” Kara says forceing calm in her voice.
“I brought it with a change of clothes that Winn packed for me.” Alex gets up and digs in the backpack sat in a table against the wall. She hands the phone to Kara.
Kara turns it on and waits. Two missed calls from Cat. Three from Eliza. A string of texts from Winn. A missed call from Clark. One last ding. A voicemail from Lena. Kara should have left to see her last night. With a shaking thumb, she hits play on the voice mail.
**
December 8th, 2017
Not even an apology this time from Kara. Lena just returned to the hotel from a fruitless trip to the airport when the news broke. Lex had been arrested. Jess was striding around her hotel room fielding calls from reporters as Lena stared out the window. Crowds were forming below in the street. Clark Kent had enough evidence to put away her brother and accuse her mother who had magically disappeared. Lena was the last Luthor standing. She was isolated at the top of her tower and sharks were circling below. She was alone. Lena remembers Kara mentioning that Clark was her cousin. Did Kara know this was coming? Is that why she didn't come? Is that why she began to pull away? The crushing weight of this spiral pressed down on her chest with each passing minute that she didn't hear from Kara.
Why was this so hard? It wasn't this hard when her father blew himself up. She got drunk, got high, fucked a girl, and moved on. Now her walls were gone and she felt each hard word thrown at her like a knife. Each Twitter comment chaffed like she had newborn skin. With her walls gone, her heart was unprotected because the person who protected it was half a world away and hadn't been heard from in three days. It was too much. Lena quickly crossed to the bed where she threw her phone. Jess gives her an odd look while still yelling at whoever is on the other end of her phone call. Lena waits with bated breath as the phone rings. And rings. And rings. Then Kara's sweet voice asking to her leave a message. That almost breaks Lena but then it beeps so she powers through.
“Kara, I just can't do this anymore. I can't have this hope. I needed you here and you weren't. You haven't been here and you won’t tell me the truth because I know you are lying. This was the last time I go to an Airport to pick up only find out you never boarded. I can't need anyone like this. As long as you give me hope then I won't be the person I need to be. I'm sorry to do this like this, but I am glad I got your voicemail because if I heard your voice I know you could convince me otherwise. But we can't Kara. I can't. This is over. Don’t try and come here, don’t try and change my mind. We are just too different, this never would have worked. Goodbye.” Lena hung up the phone in tears.
This whole thing was a mistake. From the moment she let Kara sit down at her cafe table. Kara had torn down all the walls Lena built up to protect herself and now with her brother in jail and her mother wanted, she had nothing to keep the pain out. Then Kara missed her flight again, off doing something with James probably. It was too hard. James was someone Kara should be with, someone good and who was making a difference in the world. Lena had let Kara build her up, love her, and rip her defenses down. Then Kara all but disappeared, leaving Lena raw and exposed. Lena needed to build back up her walls and she couldn’t do that with still having a possibility of Kara. Lena’s next phone call was to Sam.
“Do I need to get a babysitter?” She doesn't even say  ‘hi.’ Damn that mother’s intuition. She already knew.
“Yes. I need a fucking drink. And I can’t go alone.”
“Okay, I’ll find someone for Ruby. Then I’ll pick you up and you can tell me everything.”
One good thing came out of this half of the tour, Sam. And a night at a Sinclair Club conveniently down the street from Lena’s hotel.
**
Sam quickly took up residence at the bar to keep her eye on Lena while letting her do what she needed to do. Lena lost herself in the crowd after two quick shots and a kiss on Sam's cheek. Quickly she is surrounded by hot bodies all looking for someone to dance with. A man saddles up behind her and with a quick glance, Lena decides to allow the attractive man to press to her back. Especially when an attractive blonde presses herself to Lena's front. Both are moving Lena in sync and Lena is suspicious of their intentions because there is no way this was an accident but then the blonde is playing with her hair and Lena doesn't care. It feels good to let go. To let someone make her feel wanted because she hadn't felt that way over the past few weeks. After the song, the guy offers to buy them both a drink and Lena allows the girl to lead her over to the bar. Flirtaive touching happens while they wait. After two more shots, Lena is significantly buzzed. Then more dancing. Another shot.
“Lena Luthor. What a surprise to see you here.” Veronica's silken voice comes from behind Lena. She turns to the woman.
“Well, sometimes you need a drink when your brother gets arrested for terrorism. And after you break up with your girlfriend.” Lena adds as an afterthought. A gleam lights Ronnie's eye and she flicks her gaze to the couple standing behind Lena. They were, in fact, a couple, trying to woo Lena into their bed. Lena had decided to break her rule about threesomes because she needed this.
“You two can go.” They start to protest Veronica’s dismissal but Lena waves them off.
“You know I don't like foreplay.” Veronica states.
“Meet me out front. My hotel is just down the street.”
Lena goes to find Sam and tells her she's leaving. Sam eyes Veronica making her way to the door.
“Your sure you want to do this? With her?”
“I'm sure the sooner I move on, the better.”
“The mom in me is screaming that this is a mistake and I should stop you. But I won't.” Sam looks at her conflicted.
“I'll call you in the morning. Thank you for coming with me. For being my friend.”
“Always,” Sam says. She hugs Lena and lets her go while she pays for her drink and heads home to her daughter.
**
December 9th, 2017
Silence fills the hospital room after Kara plays the message. It was left just hours before. Kara glances at the clock. It would only be seven right now in London. Alex had heard the whole thing.
“Kara, I'm so sorry.” Kara's head snaps up.
“Don't. This isn't over. How fast can you get me to London?”
“Me?”
“You and whatever organization you work for.”
“Kara we can’t…”
“You will. This is the biggest break you have had against Cadmus, you said so yourself. If you don't get me to London then I will have Winn broadcast my suits body camera footage all over the media. Yes, that's right. A camera. That I'm sure you didn't remove until after I was inside this secret government operation or before you said things you shouldn't over an unconscious vigilante.” Alex's eyes widen.
“Are you threatening the United States government.”
“Yes,” Kara says matter of factly. Alex sighs and stands. She leaves but Kara knows she has won. A jet is soon fueled up to fly her to her chosen destination and Winn turns over the video files of the fight and subsequent care afterward. It's faster than trying to fly on her own. But it still leaves too much time to think.
**
December 10th, 2017
Kara knocks on the door. Tears sting her good eye and makes the one swollen shut throb. Her body ached. But she had to come. Had to tell Lena everything. This wasn't what she had planned, nothing was as she had planned. Lena’s heartbroken message still rung in her ears. This wasn't how they were going to end, because they weren't going to. Kara was determined. If Lena knew the whole truth it would be fine. She was just scared and thought Kara didn't care enough. But once Kara showed her the suit in the duffle that was digging into her bruised shoulder, Lena would know that she does. That Kara cares too much.
Movement on the other side of the door pulls Kara from her thoughts and she fumbles in her bag to prepare to pull out her suit. She had rehearsed what she was going to say the whole red-eye flight. Then how she would beg for forgiveness because she lied to the woman she loved. All that dies in her throat as she sees a fading smile on Lena’s face. Her body wrapped in a hotel sheet and her hair a mess. It was obvious what had been happening behind the door and Kara feels a punch worse than the beating she received days before. Fear floods Lena’s eyes and she clutches her sheet closer.
“Kara,” she says softly, as if not meaning to at all.
“Lena, darling, who is that at this hour?” Kara recognizes the silky smooth voice without seeing her face. Veronica Sinclair. And it hurts all the more. Kara shoves the red and blue jacket in her bag and turns back down the hotel hallway.
“Kara!” Lena calls louder, but it doesn't stop her.  Kara just turns the corner and finds the elevator still on the floor due to the late hour. She hears a door slam closed and hurried footsteps but the elevator is already closing. Tears stream down Kara’s cheeks and she hurries back down to hopefully catch the first flight back to anywhere in the United States and away from here.
**
Kara collapses on her couch numbly. She hasn't slept, really slept, in at least four days. Being unconscious doesn't count. She cried the whole flight back and numbly sat through a taxi ride from the airport. A quick text to Alex saying she home and didn't want to talk about it. She closes her eyes and falls quickly to sleep after being so emotionally drained.
Kara wakes to her sister shaking her shoulder and a concerned look.
“Hey,” Alex says softly.
“Hey.” Kara sits up and Alex sits next to her rubbing shoulders and pulling Kara's hand into her lap. Kara rests her head on her sister's shoulder.
“Want to talk about it?” Alex asks  Kara shakes her head.
“No. I just… no. Can you tell me something good? Like you captured Lillian and stopped Cadmus.”
“Sorry no.”
“Okay, well then at least you and Maggie are completely happy?”
Alex stiffens and Kara feels her stop breathing. She looks at her sister.
“Can't tell you that either. We broke up.”
“Oh, Alex no. Why?”
“Umm… well, we started talking about what we want in the future. You know, like where we want to live, and family and stuff. Well, Maggie doesn't want kids. At all. And you know me, I've always wanted to be a mom. So, here we are.”
“When did this happen?” Kara says, putting an arm around Alex’s shoulders.
“The night you called me. We had a long conversation. This was a deal-breaker for both of us. So…” Alex shrugs. Kara squeezes her shoulder.
“How are you handling it?”
“Not well. But I'm glad we had this conversation before we got too serious. I mean, can you imagine the hell it would be if we didn't talk about it before we moved in together, or hell, got engaged. I love her, so this is going to take some time and a lot of tears but I think it was for the best, for both of us.”
“Guess it's time for a sister night then. You pick a movie, I'm ordering take out.”
“No superhero-ing tonight?” Alex teases.
“I couldn't even save my relationship, let alone anyone else.”
When Kara comes back Alex has picked some action movie and Kara plops the bottle of whiskey in front of her sister. Alex's eyebrows shoot up.
“Kara Danvers has alcohol?” Alex peers closer at the label.
“Expensive Alcohol.”
“I bought it for… her. It's her favorite. I was just going to pour it down the drain but I figured now was as good as time as any.”
“For what?” Alex thinks she knows but she wants Kara to say it.
“To get drunk with my sister because we both need this right now.” Alex smiles and pips it open. Kara fetches two glasses.
“Kara you may want a mixer of some kind. Straight whiskey is hard to handle sober.” Kara fetches some sodas before joining her sister.
By the time the food arrives Kara is at least three shots of whiskey in and feeling buzzed, Alex is still fine and pays for it. Kara doesn't even try to follow the plot of the movie, all she knows is that it is loud with lots of explosions and her and Alex can laugh at the cheesy fakeness of it all. This felt good. She hadn’t spent much time with Alex lately, both of them were at fault for it but right now that didn’t matter. Right now she was with her sister, and right now she was very drunk. Her mind was foggy and a warmness was settling over her. No that wasn’t right. She shouldn’t feel warm. Kara felt like she should still be upset. Upset about what? Sluggishly, memories rose to the surface. Lena wrapped up in a sheet, but not because of Kara. Veronica. She was there. Then Kara had left Lena, or Lena had left Kara. One thing was clear, they were over. Kara bursts into tears so suddenly her sister jumped. Alex quickly recovered and pulled Kara into a hug, then Alex pulled Kara on top of her as she eased them both into laying position on the couch. Eventually, Kara cried herself to sleep, cradled in her sister's protective arms Alex sang to her. Kara always wished Alex would sing more. She had a beautiful voice but maybe that's why it made it all the more special. The special lullaby about a red robin fades as the alcohol does its job of pulling Kara into unconsciousness.
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rkdoyoung · 5 years ago
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✧ ✧ ✧  ━━━━━━━  & 헤어질 준비가 안됐어, WAIT A MINUTE                                               기다림은 너무 길은데 HAS NO LIMIT   —                                 TELL ME WHAT IS LOVE by D.O & YOO YOUNG JIN
note ! hover over song title for timestamp; click for outfit
he’s rooted in place after hearing his name, mind spinning, dizzying, making everything seem so surreal. he doesn’t even know how to react, nothing but a vague smile on his lips and the slow clapping of hands, and though he can’t see himself, he know he’s got an unmistakable look of disbelief on his face, but he can’t manage to shake it. there’s so much talent in the room, even from the fifty who have been eliminated, that he can’t believe he’s made it through.
but then it hits him. he’s heard his own name, hears hyojin’s, has heard every single name announced that’s moving on to the next stage, but the one name he wishes he’s heard, even above his own, is kim seungmin. eyes immediately dart to his side, only to find that seungmin has already made his way out. mindlessly, jooyoung follows after his little brother, guilt and panic and empathy all flow through his veins in a heavy concoction, clouding his mind as he reaches out and grabs his brother by the arms to stop him.
tears, he expected, perhaps anger, a deep frown, something, but what he gets is an inexplicably blank expression. jooyoung doesn’t know what to do. he’s never known what to do, and perhaps that’s one of his greatest flaws, and definitely one of his greatest regrets. he’s never known what to do with seungmin, how to fix this gap that’s only been growing over the years, how to make up for all the time he’d thrown out the window when he was living overseas and away from his family. he doesn’t know.
so he does what comes to mind first. he draws his brother into a hug, only holding onto him tighter when the younger struggles against him, and the crying starts and all jooyoung can do is continue to hold him in his arms and wait. wait as seungmin sobs and cries and lets out all his frustrations and anger and disappointment. there’s nothing he can say to help the situation at this very moment, so he remains silent, hoping he’s helping, even if just a little bit.
after it seems seungmin has calmed down a bit, jooyoung goes to find hyojin, and the three of them get into the car. it’s a quiet ride, and seungmin is still wordless even as he gets out of the car and into his apartment. to see his own little brother like that, to be so clueless as to how to help, how to make it easier or better, it breaks his heart.
if there were some way he could trade places right now, to give up his spot so that seungmin could move on, he would. he would give it up in a heartbeat.
but as cruel as it sounds, the show must go on, and he has a lot of work to do. he has to keep going, try even harder, make it as far as he can because seungmin couldn’t, because they had denied his little brother the opportunity he deserved, and yet here he was, so against living the idol lifestyle he wasn’t even sure if he’d take a contract. no one could ever be sure that if he hadn’t auditioned at all, it would mean seungmin would have gotten in, but it doesn’t matter. now he has has to continue on. he has to make it count.
he dedicates a whole night after work to going through his music library, letting it play on shuffle, writing down potential songs to sing for the next episode. he’s gone through several sheets of paper filled with lines and lines of songs, and he’s begun to think he’d have to spend another night doing just this, but then that song begins to play. a smile slowly curves on his lips and his body begins to sway to the smooth r&b tempo. it’s one hundred percent his style, but still palatable for the general public, and is a song that would be able to showcase his vocal talents more than the previous song’s mashup.
the rest of the week he spends practicing, using every chance he has to sing: at work, he’s working his vocal cords between clients and during meal breaks, at home, he’s belting during chores, cooking, and he swears he’s even begun singing in his sleep. for the first time in his life, he’s even started practicing in front of a mirror, watching his expressions, making sure he’s giving off exactly the impression he wishes.
the day before the recording he spends trying to relax, hoping it’ll help him with his nerves for the actual day of the episode filming. he calls off of work and sleeps in for most of the morning, then spends lunch at a dog cafe for a couple of hours before heading home to play some video games. before bed, he has a cup of herbal tea and even puts on a face mask, something he hadn’t done in months due to pure laziness about skin care.
the day of the recording, he manages to remain calm on the drive there, but as soon as he’s standing outside of the building, he’s hit with a wave of memories that brings back every nervous emotion he’d experienced on the first broadcast filming. the amount of contestants left is only half of what it had been, making the space seem bigger and him feel smaller.
the most notable difference, though, is that his little brother is still nowhere to be found. this ignites a newfound sense of invigoration within him, reminds him that he has someone to perform for, even if seungmin won’t be watching. with a sharp inhale, he walks inside and takes an empty seat.
while waiting for the show to begin, he sees a shadow come over him, and he stares upward to see none other than choi minho, the man whose man tiddiez he’d been blabbering about in the interviews last week (thank god they hadn’t aired any of that). immediately, an almost nervous smile blooms on his face as he bows in greeting.
“hey, do you have ig?”
the question posed to him throws him off for a split second, because it’s not what he expects at all. after a short recovery, he nods his head. “yeah, @iankim,” he responds. it’s not long until his phone chimes, and he fishes it out of pocket to see not only a friend request, but a dm notification as well.
can i slide into that seat next to you like i slid into ur dms
he bursts out into laughter at the message, nodding his head in confirmation as he sweeps his hand over the empty seat next to him. “it’s all yours, man,” he says rather than types back. he takes the next few moments to go through the man’s instagram before casually leaning over with a cheeky grin to say, “anyone ever tell you that you’re a thirst trap?”
he’s glad for the distraction that minho’s presence provides as they go through each other’s instagrams and make fun of each other’s posts because time goes by quickly, and before he knows it, the time for the performances to start has begun. he tries his best to keep his energy at a steady medium, but the closer it gets to his turn to perform, the more nervous he gets. he’s done auditions before, but it’s never been this bad, fists wound up tight in an effort to keep himself from falling apart.
hyojin goes up just before he does, and he gives just as much gusto cheering for his cousin as he did last week, perhaps even more now that he has one last person to cheer for and embarrass. he’s thankful that he has someone he knows going before him; it gives him a sense of home, as if they’re both just hanging out at a family gathering, singing without any of the pressure, enjoying themselves.
when it finally comes his turn to perform, he takes a deep breath and looks to his left side to see mason sitting there. for some reason, his fellow contestant’s presence helps calm him even more, the thought of their exchanges earlier pulling an amused smile onto his face. just as he’s about to make his way on stage, his phone vibrates in his pocket, and he has half a mind to ignore it. there’s something tugging at his heartstrings, though, and he chooses to pull it out as he’s walking toward the stage. what he sees fills him with a renewed strength and confidence, and a wide grin blooms on his face as he texts his little brother back.
the first two times, he’d used his guitar as a crutch, using it for comfort and as a sort of buffer in case they decided his voice alone wasn’t good enough, but this time, he’s left both his instruments at home, and he hopes his decision to do so won’t come around to bite him in the ass. this time, it’s just him, the audience, the microphone, and his voice, and he hopes it’s enough.
“hey, what’s up? it’s me, ya boi. kim jooyoung.” he introduces himself again, apparently never tiring of making references to videos or movies he’s scene that may or may not go over the judges’ heads. “i intend to show a different side of me today. i hope you like this side, too.”
with a smile, he settles into place, and the music begins. the intro is filled with adlibs by the original singers, and he takes liberties with the section, deciding to completely forego the original and go with his own adlibs and vocal runs, putting his own flare and feeling into it, showcasing what he thinks is the best of his abilities while still keeping up with the natural tempo and feel of the song.
나를 사랑하지 않는 너를 잊은 채 as i forgot about you who doesn’t love me 하고 싶었던 모든걸 하고 살아도 i live doing everything that i wanted to do 머릿속에 넌 절대 지워지지가 않아 i can’t ever erase you from my head 도대체 why?
he’s never quite experienced the exact feelings the lyrics portray in the song, but he’s definitely felt that deep emotional rut before, of being unable to forget, of being haunted by memories he’d no longer be able to experience. he channels that instead, using his tumultuous ups and downs with his search for fame and fortune as the emotional basis for his performance. after all, that feeling of hitting rock bottom is the same for everyone, no matter the source.
대답 없는 널 자꾸 불러도 i keep calling for you but you’re answerless 메아리만 돌아와… and only echoes keep coming back to me…
he immerses himself in this universe, of being left in the dark by someone or something that he loves, the loneliness, the denial, the hatred and anger. his eyes close as he sings, his hands coming up to grasp at the microphone, seeming to caress it as he sings into it. his eyes open, gazing directly into the camera as he cups the microphone in one hand as the other goes down to grasp at the actual stand, holding onto it tightly as if he would never let go. it’s a stand in for what he sings and yearns for in the song, using the microphone as a prop to further engage the audience and himself.
내 눈을 보며 말했던 like you told me while gazing into my eyes 두 글자가 낙인처럼 아파 와 the two letters hurt like humiliation 내 맘이 그걸 알게 됐는데 my heart finally knows oh, tell me, what is love? tell me, what is love?
the chorus serves as a natural climax to his performance, emotions escalating as the push behind the lyrics does, his body swaying naturally to the rhythm. his inexperience with love helps here as he asks the question of what love is because he is certainly unsure, in all aspects, of what love is. 
tell me what is love
as the song comes to a close, he belts out one last adlib, holding the final note and letting it fall in an effortless decrescendo just as the music does. once both the music and the sound of his voice have completely disappeared, he allows his hands to slide off the microphone and drop to his sides, still in character, dejected and alone.
he stands there for a few moments, basking in it all, absorbing the moment to remember it forever, not knowing if this will be his final performance on this stage or not.
he may not know what he’d do if given the opportunity to sign with a company or not, but he’s certain of one thing: he doesn’t want this to end, and perhaps that’s a sign. perhaps it doesn’t matter how or with whom he signs.
perhaps, in the end, he’s happy as long as he’s performing. any stage is enough.
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dutyboundextras · 6 years ago
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hey friend! I've been sobbing over mother 3 again lately and I have another question! is it at all possible to make claus cry in the second/final battle with him? I've always either run out of PP or turns before I ever figured it out
What a great question!  I spent all evening trying to see what I can do and there’s probably more that I could find so I’ll tell you what I’ve tried so far.
The short answer is no, unfortunately.  But at the very least I found a few mildly interesting things along the way.
Long answer under the cut- sorry that it got a bit lengthy!  I’ve been saving game files because I’ve been wanting to make Mother 3 videos so that I don’t hit everyone with huge text walls all the time.
When using items in the battle against Claus, Lucas will use self/team items as normal (though obviously if it’s any kind of teammate revival item it’s pointless to use).  Items that are equip-type (or, at least, weapon equips) cannot be used under the item menu until the first turning point of the battle, even if the weapon isn’t equipped.  So Lucas won’t let himself use the DCMC Pamphlet (even though he wasn’t holding it) because the game thinks you’re trying to attack Claus.  But before I go any further I’m going to clarify that the Claus battle has 3 phases:
Phase 1:  Battle Start
During this phase, Lucas refuses to attack.  Any attempt to use equip weapon fails.  Any attempt to use enemy buff/debuff items fails.  Basically anything that targets Claus won’t work.
Phase 2:  Flint’s Sacrifice
This is triggered by Flint shielding Lucas from 2 consecutive PK LOVE attacks.  Outraged, Lucas can now freely attack.  You can attack both physically and with PK moves, though PK Flash fails.  Equip weapons can now be used in the item menu without Lucas stopping you.  A prompt about Hinawa being saddened pops up the first time you attack Claus.
Phase 3:  Memories
This is triggered by the flashback cutscene.  As Claus’s attacks lessen, Lucas will begin to stop fighting Claus by intentionally missing physical attacks (he closes his eyes while performing the bash command).  You can still use offensive items and PK LOVE against him, though it’ll saying stuff like “Lucas felt heartbroken” and “his heart ached”.
So in order to test how items would affect Claus, I had to wait until phase 2 of the battle starts.  There’s lots of items I haven’t tried, but here’s what I found so far:
Items like explosives deal damage as they should
Except the New Year’s bomb doesn’t work- they’re all duds if you buy a bunch
Enemy buffs/debuffs don’t have any effect on Claus
Items with pre-scripted effects (ex: the chicken and the silver dragonfly) will carry out their effects as normal and be consumed (ex:  the chicken freaks out and runs off)
Pretty much all of my equip stuff lying around didn’t do anything
That said, the “Friend’s Yo-yo” and “Handy Yo-yo” items both cause Claus to applaud.  I’m not going to lie- I thought the screencaps I saw of that were completely fake!  Interestingly enough it doesn’t have to be Ness’s yo-yo, meaning either Porky or Claus really like yo-yo tricks…?
The memento items (at least Doria’s and Fassad’s) don’t do anything
By accessing the debug room the game will give you Lucas’s favorite food as an item.  Eating Omelets doesn’t get a response from Claus.
The most time consuming thing I did was perform a huge workaround in order to get the Drago fang weapon to the battle.  Unfortunately it doesn’t do anything.
Here’s a short list of random stuff I tried and they didn’t do anything:  hermit crab shell, dolphin’s ossicle, enemy bufferizer, trivia card 4, dcmc pamphlet, fly charm, red hat, mole cricket brother
Claus slips violently on the ancient banana.
No, I’m not joking.  The banana works for some reason.  He takes mild damage from it.
Item tdlr;  the yo-yo items get a response and he slips on bananas but nothing else I tried so far did anything.  More testing is needed.
So naturally my other thought was to try and severely damage Claus.  Using the debug room, I set Lucas’s level to 99 and battled.  It’s a lot easier because of the stats but regardless of how much I attack him it doesn’t seem to do anything.  The New Years’s Eve Bomb doesn’t work and neither does PK Flash so they probably gave him an absurdly high HP so that we couldn’t end the battle if we tried.  I heard rumors that the game crashes if you reduce his HP to 0.  I also heard another rumor that the game heals his HP every turn and doesn’t tell you.  I have no way of figuring either of those out, currently.
The last notable part of all this is that in my experiment to get the Drago fang to the battle, I used a debug room trick to get Flint into phase 3 of the battle.  You see, in the debug room the game lets you keep 5 people in your party at once instead of 4.  So I tacked Flint onto the end of the party order and died in the debug room so that Flint would follow us in chapter 8.
Now the funny thing about having 5 party members is that the fifth person doesn’t count in the battle.  If the first 4 party members die then it’s game over, despite the 5th person being alive and healthy.  So when I went into the Masked Man fight Kumatora, Duster and Boney were KO’d and Flint wasn’t in the battle prompt (as per usual with 5th party members).  The battle carried out exactly the same until phase 3.
If you remember, phase 3 of the battle is when the interface clears Kumatora, Duster, and Boney out so that it’s just Lucas and Claus.  Except now the game has somewhere to put Flint so it’s just Lucas and him against Claus.  Claus will randomly distribute attacks to the both of them, though at this phase his attacks are weak.  The weird thing is that the battle is scripted so that Lucas gets a turn to make a move but Flint doesn’t get any battle turns, despite the player still choosing what Flint is going to do that turn.
I kinda want to mess around and see what happens if you change up the party member order or if (instead of Flint, a regular party member) you use a temporary party member like Alec instead.  Do temp party members get a turn?  What happens if I use the debug room to bring Claus to the fight?  It’s interesting, though I’m not sure there will be that much of a change.
All that said, thank you very much for the question!   There’s still some stuff I can test out but I think that covers the basics.  Feel free to ask about stuff like this any time- I love this sort of stuff!
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rayraywrites · 6 years ago
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Title: Long Distance Love
Pairing: Miyuki Kazuya x Sawamura Eijun
Characters: Miyuki Kazuya, Sawamura Eijun
Rating: General Audience
Total Word Count: 1788
Gift for @eijuhn
AO3
This is a little thing I wrote for @bakamvra on twitter! Nez was tweeting her headcanons about graduated miyuki x 3rd year eijun. So...I wrote something, inspired by them!
The screen flickered, tiredly buffering the video till there remained only a grainy face on the computer. The face smirked and laughed, while he himself scowled and cried. The face gestured back to the room, pointing out the struggling plant in the corner and pile of practice jerseys sitting on the bed, waiting to be folded and put away. He pointed at his own room, showing how nothing had really changed, even with the new roommate, and the blatant loss of another. Even though everything had changed.
Eventually the time on the bottom of his screen blinked into the AM, so he had to wave goodbye to the face. He pouted, and teared up even as he growled out demands for the other to catch for him soon. The face, instead grinned wider and refused the requests, even as the eyes softened and their was a glisten to them that crossed over, even through the poor quality. It took another few minutes to convince themselves to end the call, both having early morning practice to focus on, both aiming for the day where they could play together again.
Groaning softly, careful not to wake up his sleeping roomate, he pushed himself away from the desk and stumbled into his bed. Head filled with messy brown hair, glasses that glinted to hide sorrowful eyes, and a sharp smile, he managed to fall into a fitful sleep. As he had done every night since his second year had completed. Since Kazuya had officially moved out of the Seidou dorms, and he had been left behind.
When he woke up the next morning, the dark smudges under his eyes seemingly painted into his skin. Yet he awoke with a bright smile, tugging on his shorts and a clean shirt before reaching for his shoes and phone. And there it was, the half-awake good morning text from Kazuya, who had no reason to be awake this early. And yet, there was always some ramble or a barely coherent greeting.
My catcher: goonsjafd mowderning (4:29 am.)
My catcher: gppd mronung (4:30 am.)
My catcher: good morning (4:31 am.)
Giggling softly to himself, he replied back, a much more legible text of course. At first, he’d been really confused to receive texts from Kazuya this early, when at Seidou he would never be caught dead out of his bed this early. Even for Eijun. But the last time he’d gone to visit Kazuya in his apartment, he saw an alarm set up on his phone:
Wake up to wish bakamura a good morning - 4:29 am.
He had openly teared up, even as he quickly closed the clock app on Kazuya’s phone, and pretended that everything was fine. He wasn’t sure that Kazuya had believed him, but the extra attention had been well-appreciated. A little additional care and love as Kazuya slid onto his lap, arms raising to wrap around Eijun’s neck as he leaned forward to press their foreheads together. A moment of silence as Eijun’s eyes were drawn towards Kazuya’s lips and where their breath mingled for the briefest of seconds. Then the distance disappeared, as their lips met in an unhurried manner, moving gently against each others’.
His Ace!: (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡ Mornin’ Kazuya! (4:32 am.)
His Ace!: You better eat properly today Miyuki Kazuya!! O(≧∇≦)O (4:34 am.)
They had both refused to live as if every moment together was their last, so they took the time to deepen their relationship before pursuing anything. But it had been hard to control themselves; at Seidou it had been easy – anyone could walk in on them so discretion wasn’t simply wanted but a necessity. Now, Kazuya had graduated, living in his own apartment. But even then, there was the distance between them – Kazuya hadn’t moved far, but away from Seidou enough that he couldn’t simply walk there. And the timing – both of them were extremely busy with baseball and school, they couldn’t meet as easily as they had in Seidou.
So, as he headed out for his morning run, Eijun couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped him. Even with all the available methods for keeping in touch it wasn’t enough. He wanted to see Kazuya in person, to run his fingers through unbelievable soft hair, to pull off his glasses and watch as Kazuya began squinting cutely to try and make out Eijun’s face. He wanted to stroke Kazuya’s jaw before bringing them closer to each other and pressing kisses to his stupid face. Drawing circles in Kazuya’s hip as they clutched at each other tightly. He wanted to play catch with Kazuya, not just in games, but simply for fun during practice. He wanted to hear that satisfying sound again, the one that meant he’d thrown a perfect pitch right into Kazuya’s mitt.
He scrolled through his phone, gushing internally at the dorky selfie Kazuya had sent him yesterday while he was out with his college team. Apparently everyone had gotten wasted while he’d remained sober. Kazuya had taken a selfie of himself drawing a swirly moustache on his passed-out senpai with the silliest smile Eijun had ever seen. It had immediately become his wallpaper, replacing the sleepy Kazuya photo Kuramochi senpai had sneaked him a few months ago. Eijun had replied back with an equally dorky smile, loudly commenting on Kazuya’s drawing skills.
My catcher: MIYUKI KAZUYA!! What kind of stache is that! THIS SAWAMURA EIJUN WILL HAVE TO TEACH YOU NEXT TIME! ٩(๑òωó๑)۶ (11:48 pm.)
With another loud sigh, he repeated the phrase, “Only a little longer!” which had quickly become his motto over the past year. He had initially tried to keep how alone he had felt without Kazuya, but it hadn’t been possible for long. Kazuya had seemed to realize something was wrong when Eijun’s loud crowing on their video chats became sparse and harder to entice. Plus, he had a feeling that Harucchi and Kuramochi-senpai had been in touch.
But Kazuya being the dramatic person that he was – Eijun refused to accept that title after he’d met Miyuki Kazuya, had simply shown up one day after practice not too long after the school year had begun for them. And with no preamble, he had dragged him away. Even attempting to give a token protest had resulted in a glare that had him shutting up.
Kazuya had grabbed onto his hands, intertwining their fingers together tightly, as they marched towards the 3rd field. Eijun followed along, stumbling as he tried to keep up with Kazuya’s purposeful strides. His eyes were locked on their joined hands, still slightly in disbelief that Kazuya was here after not having seen him for weeks in person. Eventually they seemed to make it far enough that Kazuya was happy, as he quickly slowed down and slumped to the ground. Their hands being tightly woven together, meant that EIjun was tugged down alongside him. Collapsing against Kazuya, he struggled to set himself upright, but instead he was immediately grasped by the waist and pulled into Kazuya’s lap. Blushing, Eijun looked around them, trying to see if anyone would find them, but his head was slowly guided back by a gentle hand pressing against his cheek. Eijun’s face burned red as he found himself caught by Kazuya’s piercing look. Reaching forward, he ran his fingers down Kazuya’s cheek, familiarizing himself again with the contours on Kazuya’s face.
“Kazuya...what are you doing here? What’s going on?” Eijun was extremely happy to see his boyfriend, but he was sure Kazuya had said he would be busy this week with mandatory practices for the whole team every single day in preparation for the college tournaments.
Instead of replying immediately, Kazuya cupped Eijun’s cheek in return and simply smiled softly, unlike his usual smirks. “Baka, you think I haven’t missed you just as much as you have?” He seemed to ignore the soft gasp Eijun let out, and kept ploughing on. “I’ve noticed how much you tried to hide it – you can’t hide those bags bakamura, you haven’t been sleeping! Mochi said that you’ve been staying out even longer to practice! You can’t be injuring yourself Eijun.”
Flinching, Eijun looked away, not wanting to admit that he’d been using baseball as a distraction from how lonely he’d been feeling. He hadn’t wanted to worry Kazuya for this specific reason, that he’d try and fix the problem even if that wasn’t possible. Eijun simply had to finish this year, win Koshien again, and then he’d be back with Kazuya. A simple enough goal that had been weighing on his shoulders constantly for the past few months. But he couldn’t hide anything when Kazuya was only there to help, and was giving him an understanding smile. So he spilled the beans, so to speak, rambling about how lonely he’d been, how unprepared he was for being a third year, the weight of being the Ace but also competing with not only Furuya but the extremely talented first years to keep his title. How he had missed Kazuya, missed being able to hug him whenever he had wanted, to go to the catcher’s room and just lounge there when his own room had been too rowdy. How he had missed pitching to Kazuya, because Okumura was good, but it wasn’t the same.
And Kazuya had simply listened to him, quietly nodding as he brought Eijun’s head to his chest and began carding his fingers through Eijun’s hair. He had not contributed anything, simply allowing Eijun to let everything off his chest. But eventually Eijun stopped, and he began speaking. They slowly worked out solutions to as many of their problems, namely that Eijun would speak to Kazuya whenever he felt this way. They couldn’t hide things like this from each other. Kazuya had also bared his soul a little having felt similarly, but having experience being alone, he was able to handle it.
Now, focussing on his run, Eijun simply smiled and thought about his plans for the weekend. If he was sad now, that was okay, because he would get to see Kazuya that night again on another facetime, but more importantly he would get to hold his catcher again this weekend. In his pocket, his phone buzzed one last time, but he knew exactly what it would say. He grinned, an extra burst of energy in his run.
My catcher: You better not be overworking yourself either, you idiot?! Can’t have Ace-kun injuring himself so close to the championship! (4:45 am.)
My catcher: Also, don’t forget your calculus notes this weekend. I promised I would help you didn’t I? (4:45 am.)
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universal-kitty · 6 years ago
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   Well... I promised it many times over. What I love about this man, down to the last detail. Everything I can think of, from imagined life to daydreams of him in this world. So! I promised it, so let’s get down to business, huh?
   I got into Watch_Dogs 2 on curiosity alone. I see a masked person? I wanna know more! (It’s how I started on my path to Ace Attorney, after all.) So, a year ago, I found a moments of Wrench video... The first part was a blast; I ended up really liking his character! Nerdy, excitable, pretty lewd for the sake of it (and being out there), and just... Did what he wanted. Long live anarchy and a destruction of the system. I was into that!!
   But somewhere in the second part... I got really, really attached. It kinda sunk in that he’s someone I could really like. I grew up west coast; I know San Francisco really well due to family living up/around there. His mask is cool, yeah, but also shows his genius in a subtle way.
   Watch_Dogs 2 gave me this loud, rambunctious nerd and I loved him...and as mad as it still makes me to think about, when they had that moment in-game where he got caught? Where they stripped him of his mask and forced him to face the world without it...?
   They unknowingly gave me even more to love.
   He’s not JUST some loud an’ lewd dude (though that does make up a fair portion of his outward personality), but under that mask? So, so insecure without it. That’s the crutch he needs to work with the world...and how doesn’t that strike a cord with anyone?
   And I’m never sure of a way to put it, but... His face. You always get two expectations when someone is masked: either bishonen boy or with deformities/made to see “ugly”. Wrench isn’t like that, at least, to me? He’s just an average guy. Big nose, kinda small lips, average eyes, and what most assume (myself included) to be a big birthmark on the side of his head. Right in view of everyone, without his mask.
   Without his crutch.
   It’s this weird mishmash of so many little factors that work out. Drawn to his initial appearance and all the punk he exudes, the mask and the emotes it displays, the urge to check out and study his tattoos....and then I know him more. Understand him more. Love him more...and it’s not just that anymore. It’s seeing a little of myself in him. Understanding that feeling of being outcasted from the world and making our own little corner, instead, since the world won’t have us. It’s making a buffer between us and that world, just so things feel better. (Even if they don’t go better like we want them to.)
   And fuck the world. I love this hacker anarchist, father-to-a-robot, nerdy as FUCK, perverted, doofus of somewhere between “1-40″ years, as he so elegantly jokes. (Babe, we all know you’re in your twenties. Nobody of any other age group would act like we do. You’re not 5 years old or 62. Goofball.) His face is everything to me. Everybody who’s ever made him feel bad about it can go sod off somewhere else.        Assholes.
   Oh, and his gestures!! I just rewatched a video of his moments (a shorter one) and all the gestures he does!!! He’s so lively and it’s so, so precious to me... One of the many, many things I love about him, right next to his parenthood of Wrench Jr. (precious lil robot son of ours) and his terrible, yet endearing, taste in music... Oh, and the fact the NERD set up a ZIPLINE for Marcus to use... I can’t believe him, and yet...
   ....Man. Anyways...
   Maybe it’s just cause I met him at a bad time in my life. Feeling like crap, didn’t want to exist, feeling maybe like it was pointless to keep up trying to get into a relationship or holding any romantic ideals to people at all, cause... Things always tended to end up disastrously for me. Everything was crap and then I found this goofy guy and... Bam. I started to feel better. Hearing his voice makes me so, so happy. Wearing his sweater (like I am now)? Is comforting, warm, and always makes me think of him. Hell, I even got two keychains of this man....and a ring!
   Not only do I love this man with my entire being, but I’ve got a cheapass ring to prove it cause we’re BOTH working not the best paying jobs and you know what??? ....We love each other and that’s all that matters to me.
   He’s kept me going since, then, too. Need to sleep? Imagine him cuddling up to me or spooning me to sleep. Shower time? The shenanigans of trying to get things ready for the shower, much less getting clean!!! Imagining the ways he’d do his best to distract me. How he teases me about anything and everything. Kicking back on a weekend with either takeout, fast food, or a pizza and watch our Netflix queue or just...talk.
   I think about our life together so much it hurts me sometimes. Actual aches of the heart and I’ve cried over him a few times already.... I’m expecting it to be a few times more as time goes on, too. Because much like a few others in the community- I’m sure- I found my soulmate. Not to be a real person, but a fictional character...and despite that worlds-apart dream, I don’t care. He’s the feeling of home. He kept my chin up and kept me believing in love and good things and beauty in the chaos I’m too shy to show.
   He’s my opposite in a lot of ways, too, y’know? Aries and Capricorn... Apparently, they’re usually terrible together. And I mean atrocious!!! Aries with their carefree nature and Capricorns, too careful, too calculating, too controlled. It causes friction...but not with us. Sure, you can catch him whining about me being boring sometimes, but he’s still patient with me. I worry about him a lot, but he does the same for me and we do it until it annoys the other and we’re yelling.......but the “fight” dies down, cause at the core of it, we just care a lot. We worry about losing each other.
   And I won’t lie on that: I do see us fighting quite a bit. Over the stupidest things because I worry and get emotional and he does the same and so we hit heads over things, get stubborn, and I probably cry sometimes because I can’t be angry without crying...for some reason. He stops there or he walks off to cool his head....and then we come back to it. Quieter, sitting close together and clinging and talking it out.
   We fix things, because he doesn’t know how a “fuck up” like him got me to stay and I don’t want anything else but him. We both want to keep it working, we both want to talk, and things get worked on and fixed. Hell, it’s even why we can “bully” each other. It’s because we both know what we’re most sensitive about and if it goes too far, we let the other know and it stops. Next time? It never gets that far. Or we don’t talk about it at all.
   ...I imagine that Wrench came from...not the best home. My family’s okay, but they’re not perfect, either; I’ve picked up a lot of bad habits and ways of thinking from them. So together...we do better than what we left behind. We have to, for each other’s sake.
   .....It’s stuff like this- thoughts like this- that keep Wrench so dear to me. Why it means so much that I can call him my husband, delight in hearing others ship us... He’s my world. I might not depend on him an incredible amount, but he’s still my main F/O for a reason.
   If you’d asked me a year ago and a week before, how I would feel about falling in love with one fictional character and only ever wanting him... I would’ve laughed. “Yeah, right! I love every one of my F/Os equally!” I would’ve crowed! And I’m still sort of right; all of my F/Os are dear to me in various ways...but Wrench is the one who stands out in the crowd. He’s the one who brightens my day immensely.
   I love Wrench so fucking much. I’m so glad I can be his spouse...and I hope you’ll continue to support us as time passes on. ♡ ♡
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helpingdesi · 4 years ago
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How to Watch Hotstar Worldwide?
Hotstar Promo Code: DESI50 and Get 10% discounts and an additional $40 Gift Cards voucher.
We are living in a generation, where every individual is so busy running for their dreams that they almost forget about living their life. Undoubtedly, having some fun activities in your day-to-day life is important to keep it interesting and smooth. The workload pressure often results in bad mood swings, tensions and unwanted long-lasting stress, where having a little relaxing time become a necessity. Well, when we talk about relaxation, then without the addition of entertainment, the task seems to be incomplete. Thus, the popular and well-known platform is needed to bring out the smiles, while Hotstar claims to be the best and therefore promise to rank on the top. 
Confuse, what exactly Hotstar is?
Well, HOTSTAR was launched on 11thFebruary 2015 as a video-on-demand streaming service owned by Star India officially. The Hotstar is now owned by Disney+ and combined service is known as Disney+ Hotstar. This streaming service offers live sports, TV serials, Bollywood and Hollywood movies and live news in many regional languages.
Who doesn’t love watching sports and movies? According to research, every 90 of 100 individual loves to spend their time watching their favorite shows online, and without a doubt, Hotstar promises to provide you with every best video. Thus, now the travelling and boring waiting activities can be turned into an interesting moment with the correct choice of video from Hotstar.
This video streaming app is best for live sports. They share the content of Disney, Pixar, Marvel Studios and Star wars in Indian languages like Hindi, Telugu and Tamil. President Sunil Rayan successful diversified the app internationally to countries like Canada, United States, Indonesia, United Kingdom and Singapore. The unified services are also planned to be released in Malaysia, Thailand and the Philippines by the year 2021. The app is designed with the purpose to deliver smiles to every age group. Thus, the content is built with an aim to pamper every individual’s mood and age.
Hotstar claims to be the best because of its many happy reasons. Where some of the best features of Hotstar are –
Hotstar is the top 2nd trending free entertainment app. Its finest quality and the availability of exciting videos make it a preferable choice for many. This exclusive app is best known for its various functions and easy to use functionality. No matter what age, language or choices you have, this app can promise to fulfil your every entertainment cravings. However, the best functionalities that the application offer includes the –
Sports     content- sports are claimed to be the heart of the television industry.     Thus, Hotstar features some of the most popular tournaments like the     Indian super league(ISL), Indian Premier League(IPL), Pro Kabaddi     League(PKL) and many more. Hotstar is a boon for sports lovers. Great     content is available for sports enthusiasts to watch and enjoy for free.
Movies     – Watch streaming super hit movies and trailers of Bollywood, Hollywood     and Regional online on Hotstar. Hotstar is the premium one-stop     destination for all movie lovers. They stream all category movies from     romantic to thriller ones.
Disney+     content – The most fascinating content is brought up for our Indian users     from around the globe. WOW! That’s just really amazing. Your favorite     superhero movies and shows from Disney star wars, Pixar and marvel stream     online only on Hotstar. The exclusive content and animated films engage     both kids and adults.
Binge-watching     – Over 100+ shows are available for online streamers. Binge watchers can     enjoy English shows, Hindi shows and other vernacular shows.
Hotstar also offers the best content of the channel Star India, Sports events, live shows, International broadcast and hits. With a rating of 4.0 on Google play this app truly rocks.
Indian streaming media platform Hotstar has risen to its popularity to considerable height. Indians have a roster of content on Hotstar. From shows to sports to music, Hotstar streams it all.
Hotstar offers 3 different plans in India, to let you have all the fun where the prices may differ but the best services in all the three plans are a guarantee.
Hotstar Plan
The 3 different plans that Hotstar India offers to their clients are-
Free     Plan- As the name clarifies, it is completely free for every user around.     The services are undoubtedly less but can be a good option if you are new     to it. 
   Facilities- 
- Total allowed screens to watch- 1
- Available video quality- SD
 2.      VIP Plan- be the very important person of our application and explore the numerous exciting features. The cost is budget-friendly i.e. Rs. 399/year only.
   Facilities-
- Delivery of unlimited live sports
- Keeps you ahead by allowing you to watch Hotstar specials and serials a day before TV
- Availability of multiplex and new Indian movies
- Screen sharing allowance- 1
- Video quality- HD
- Allows you to watch Disney, Hollywood and Bollywood movies in different dubbed languages
3.      Premium Plan- the best for every premium customer. Either from Rs. 299/month to Rs. 1499/year, choose the best that suits your requirement the most. The availability of premium features is endless.
The premium plan facilities involved-
- Unlimited access to live sports
- A chance to watch both Hotstar specials and star serials before TV
- Wide range of new multiplex and Indian movies
- The addition featured to dubbed your favorite show in the English language
- Availability of English shows and Disney channels
- No break entertainment
- Video quality- 4K
- Screen sharing allowance- 2
Well, on other hand, now the question arises, how to watch Hotstar outside India?
Undoubtedly, Hotstar is for every individual around the world. Life is short, thus every moment needs to be spent well by doing the things you love the most, like watching up your favorite shows. However, there are different international countries, where the app is being popularly used and loved.
But, the problem arises, when you wish to access different Indian shows outside of India using the Hotstar application. The different shows category that includes here are - cookery shows, sports events or series. Being in the USA, if you try to explore the Indian Hotstar shows, then in the blink of an eye, you will be stopped by the warning sign i.e. “The content is yet not currently available for your location”.
It won’t be wrong saying that, with time, Indian shows, movies, Disney channels and sports has gained much popularity worldwide and of course people love watching it, which results in the growth of Hotstar. 
Thus it can definitely be a heartbreaking situation for all the Indian shows lover living in the USA who cannot watch their favorite items, but the fact that can’t be changed is that everything comes with its perfect solution. Where, in this scenario, opting for the VPN can be your magical and the only solution to go for.
The idea of using VPN acts as one of the best and the foremost solutions to overcome this problem. Virtual private network (VPN) is for individuals who are travelling or living to countries like Australia, the United States or elsewhere and are wishing to access Hotstar there. 
How VPN works?
VPN may direct internet traffic to a particular route. The VPN allows you to access your favorite Hotstar shows by letting you be at your comfort place. The VPN change the server location virtually and this way you can stream your favorite app easily. The VPNs process allows you to access the restricted content over the Internet. This finest technology switches up the user’s location by allowing you to have fun without any interruptions.
Isn’t it excited and amazing to watch all the episodes or movies or sports events that you dream of? 
Yes, isn’t it? Well, undoubtedly, you must be thinking to search for the various VPNs that can promise to support your entertainment. If yes, then don’t worry, because here we have the correct solution for you. Below is a list of VPNs that work well with Hotstar –
Surfshark     – Searching for a reliable and perfect available connection? If yes,     Surfshark can be your correct choice. Surfshark is for easy access to the     content of Hotstar. A budget-friendly VPN with the best quality server.     The first step is to sign up for your Surfshark account and connect to any     Indian server. The second one is to go to Hotstar and buy a suitable     subscription for you. Just 2 steps and you are now connected. Surfshark     can be used on an unlimited number of devices and thus allows you to     easily stream your favorite shows online.
IPVanish     – IPVanish is super fast, easy to use and log-free. It is for US$9.99/     month. The budget-friendly prices are the best to assure you of the     amazing entertaining services that you crave for.
Nord     VPN – The most reliable, private and secure VPN is Nord VPN. Nord VPN     imparts ultimate security to your internet connection. Nord VPN never     collects tracks or shares any of your data and thus guarantee to offer     complete privacy to every user. This is the fastest connection that works     on all devices without bandwidth limits. The Nord VPN promises a zero     buffering guarantee to let you enjoy peace, without any interruptions.     Where, the amazing benefit is, in one time, 6 simultaneous devices can be     connected easily. 
Express     VPN – It is undoubtedly known as one of the finest VPN choices for     Hotstar. The best VPN with no blackouts and throttling at all. The finest     HD quality with express CPN becomes a promise. Express VPN is for $12. 95     per month.
Apart from these, there are several other VPNs also available online for Hotstar. Compare these VPNs for their quality, features and budget to choose the best one according to your need and requirements.
Now the question is How to use this VPN to stream the content online? The answer is really simple. These VPNs are very easy to use and browse content. Just a few clicks and you can have the best time of your life. By following the below simple steps you can easily watch your favorite shows on Hotstar –
VPN     – choose an appropriate VPN and install it. This VPN must support Hotstar.     You can also purchase a subscription plan for your VPN.
Server     – The next step is to choose an Indian server in your VPN. The VPN offers     several accessible locations to choose from and then directs this traffic     to your desired route.
Location     – Make sure all your browsing history and cookies are cleared before using     a VPN to avoid any issues or further circumstances. All location     information must be removed to access the app easily.
Stream     your favorite show- you are all set with the procedure. Thus, go and grab     the pack of popcorns or the snack that you love. Open the Hotstar     application and stream your favorite content that you might be thinking     from days and that too from any country of the world.
Hotstar is for your entertainment and adding a VPN services to it makes it a reliable choice for every individual. 
Either it is India or outside, the need for the best video can never be denied. People are getting addicted to the shows more, undoubtedly it results in people searching for free options which are declared as illegal. However, the best idea to opt for is to choose the best legal VPNs from the above list to get the secure functionalities without getting any interruptions within it. Buying a subscription can promise to be a great idea and can assure to be within your budget.
Thus, now what is stopping you to have the ultimate fun of your life? Enjoy by watching your favorite Indian sports events, shows, movies and others only on your favorite streaming app – Hotstar and too by being at your favorite place.
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orbyssarchives · 6 years ago
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A Brief tl;dr
This is probably a lot to say for 20 unfinished webcomic pages and I know I can be fairly long-winded so if you just wanna skip ahead and click through the pictures I’ve put up, I understand.
The TL;DR is
Hello and welcome to Mage Punk Archives! My name is Tables and this is some of the work that I’ve done over the last few years and what I’ve been up to in my little corner of the world. This is the third and last of a series of posts, outlining a number of updates that I completed on the site.
Included are some of my inspirations and a little of what I’ve learned so far about myself as an ever growing artist up to this point.
After this, I want to keep the content more focused on the actual art and story.
  I’ll post to this site as often as I am able.
    Thanks for reading!
  ***
Long Ago, Before the miracle of handheld internet searches and Instagram
When I was but a young, internet webling, I was heavily into shitty online flash games and looking for anything even remotely related to my interests at the time. From Mario and Sonic to various comics, videos games, anime and things never to be said aloud (pornpornporn). My love of the likes of Super Mario Bros and Sonic the Hedgehog (big fandoms for me at the time) would later lead me to sprite comics. Today, my feelings for the little hodge podge collage strips of old video game sprite sheets and backgrounds are a little mixed.
(They were beautiful and I’m gonna make one someday)
Then, in Highschool, I took a basic Web Design class. It was a VVoid World Web of Notepad and Internet Explorer where a kindly old crone passed on to those of us there, some knowledge of the ancient runic language which forms the foundations of the World Wide Web: HTML. Tables, frames, css, oh my! This knowledge would eventually prove invaluable.
Throughout our studies we were occasionally allowed to venture out into the Wider World Web. It was during these little adventures and travels across the Web that I happened upon the magical land of Webcomics. It was also during this time that I began break free of the enchantment of sprites. Even though I would probably never return to them, they would always hold a special place in my heart.
  The Internet is for [Comics]
    Webcomics – Synonymous with “Masochism”
At first, I had no idea just how grueling webcomics could be. Most webcomic artists pump out pages one to three times a week. At the time I got into them, MegaTokyo, then still partially a video game webcomic, was just releasing its third printed book; 2-3 updates a week with a loosely set schedule. Evan Dahm was wrapping up his surreal fantasy epic, Rice Boy; with updates consistently going up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The various sprite and drawn webcomics that I was following at the time were updating all the time. Seeing all the great work going up, I felt encouraged to try it myself.
I drew these closer to the end of my junior year of high school.
Desu
Taking major inspiration from a lot of the manga and anime that I was enjoying then, I used pen and ink to make my comic pages. I liked working in black and white because it felt direct and skipping on color made it easier to finish faster. I figured I could work faster if I didn’t have to worry about the extra step. When I did want to use color, as is typical for the early pages of a new manga, I used markers.
At the time, I had no idea that mangakas used assistants. That’s messed up.
Not to say that it was completely unrealistic, but back in the real world I could only average one black and white page a week. If even. The spider webs I was drawing all over were so that I wouldn’t have to use a ruler to draw my panel proper borders. I thought it gave the comic an “old archive”. In the end, I concluded that the spider webs should have their place and not be all over.
This time, I decided to work a little more carefully and deliberately.
  Moving Forward
It was going pretty well but by the time page 7 rolled around, it was time for midterms and I had become too self-conscious and uncomfortable with the way I was drawing my comic pages then. Then, it was time to take finishing high school seriously and before I knew it, I was a freshman at The Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale. I did a lot of growing in the next four years that I attended there. Unfortunately, I never revisited those pages. Instead, near the end of my sophomore year, I took a Sequential Art class where the Final was a full-color, 5-page comic.
These are the ink-wash versions of the 7-page Final that I submitted. I’d originally colored them digitally to meet project requirements but I don’t want to post those just yet..
  In the End
I wasn’t satisfied. The truth was that I waited until the last minute, rushed it, and over-reached on a re-draw that wasn’t much fun for me to work on. During the course of that Sequential Art class my professor turned my attention to artists like Moebius and Mike Mignola. I also came across Katsuya Terada’s stuff around this time.
  And school went on…
    I worked on Mage Punk when I could between assignments.
    Between thinking I could possibly work on a for-print comic…
    …and a webcomic at the same time.
  The End was Near
Most of these were actually made towards the end of my four years at Ai. Those of us graduating were tasked with compiling our work from the years past in accordance with the requirements for obtaining our degrees. I believe that we were given two semesters to gather our pieces and do any revisions to previous works to get them up to date with the rest of the portfolio piece. Illustration Graduates at AiFL were typically required to gather a required selection of their work into an on-demand printed book. The year that I graduated, my department decided to change things around a little. Specifically, we were given the option to collect the requirement work into a plain black binder portfolio and make the printed book more geared towards our pursuits. I opted to make a Mage Punk/Orbyss Archives “Zine” as my main portfolio piece.
  And Then College was Over
I drew a few more pages of the comic until I became employed full-time. These days, there aren’t enough free hours in my days for me to keep up with any typical webcomic’s update schedule so for a long while I stopped working on the comic altogether. I’m squeezing as much work out of every second that I’m not there; with whatever energy I can muster. This includes planning, writing, sketching and drawing. Before I got back to work on the site, I was posting fairly regularly to my Twitter and Instagram; those posts took time to do as well.
  Most of this post was written in separate sessions on my commutes to work.
“Shortcuts”
Even though I always wanted to present Mage Punk as a webcomic, I always worked on it like it would go to print eventually. This created a confusing mindset for me when working on the comic, where I had to work on a whole book, but I have to rush to finish every page. If I wanted to put out pages more frequently I took shortcuts at any point I could to be done with them. Even if I created a good buffer of finished pages, I’d still run into that same pitfall eventually. I wasn’t enjoying my project because of a pressure I applied on myself to finish it in a way I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with. I didn’t even get that much done in the end.
It’s important that I work on it at a pace that lets me show the best of my ability. I would love it if I could be properly finished with the pages before I post them but if I wait before it’s all good and done I’ll just never get around to posting anything, forever floating, aimlessly, throughout creative internet limbo.
Instead, if I have to work on my comic in piecemeal, I’ll just post it up in piecemeal. Mage Punk will still be presented as a webcomic but, until the end of the book is done, certain changes are still a possibility. Editing is an important part of producing any book and I’m going to make its presentation reflect that.
  Cue Rhidiculous shouting “I told you so!” from some nearby bushes.
  A Webcomic in Presentation Only?
Those Two Images are the Same Page
Instead of trying to finish things at breakneck speeds, I’m going to work on the comics at a more reasonable pace. I’ll try to work on it mainly Chapter to chapter instead of page to page like how a webcomic normally is done (buffers aside) This gives me the opportunity to take a step back and get a broader look at the story while still putting out content in enjoyable chunks.
It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around drawing a comic on a start-to-finish, page-by-page basis. While I was working on the later pages in the chapter I kept finding myself jumping around and making changes to previous pages to make some things more consistent with later parts of the story. Instead of working page-by-page, I was editing the chapter as a whole to try to strengthen the narrative I’m trying to tell.
To that end, I still want to present it on this site as a webcomic; if only in name and archive.
The Process
At the VERY longtime behest of my editor, I’ll be presenting the comic as a work in progress at various points in the following production stages.
Writing
I’ll post dialog excerpts here and there. Nothing that can spoil the story too much.
This step will be kept largely behind the scenes.
Thumbnails
I do these on index cards in ballpoint pen to figure out the sequence of events that I most prefer.
This is the step where I’m prone to overloading a page with information.
First Drafts
Full size roughs of the earlier thumbnails. This step helps me get a better sense of how crowded or unbalanced a page might be early on.
This step also helps to prune out any strenuous scenes or dialog that could otherwise have their own pages.
If it isn’t working visually at this point, it’s not going to work in the next step.
Pencils
This is where the real drawing happens. Drawings in this step are made by either digital or traditional means depending on when or where I’m working.
Inking
This step is exactly like the drawing step but in pen and ink. Despite my affinity for real pen and ink, I’ll mainly be working this step digitally.
Color
This step is wrought with indecision but it also one of the faster, more fun steps to do.
Lettering
I’ve removed the dialog from all the pages currently up, opting to keep that out until a chapter is completed; it’s the thing I’m likeliest to change the most frequently until the end.
All lettering is currently done digitally but I’m considering the possibility of hand lettering.
Drawing dialog can be quite fulfilling but it takes a lot of practice.
Editing
This part will be happening all throughout. Page re-orders, panel redraws, changes in dialog.
Until the book is done.
  Here We Are
I’ve already made some revisions to a handful of the pages that are already up; if you browse through the comics you can see the revisions noted in the comic descriptions. I’ll make blog posts for any major revisions or series of revisions that I do. I have a few ideas for some smaller projects that I can work on while I work on Mage Punk. Whether they be illustrations, stories, or even mini-comics like this silly thing down here.
      Moving on
I might have also mentioned before that I have a few other drawings that I wanted to make for the site. In particular I have a neat idea for some social media icon illustrations. I wanna make something that takes advantage of what I’ve learned with using CSS. It’s nothing too fancy.
All that said, future posts will be a bit more brief than these last three were. I’d much rather write and post about the work itself, but I feel like I’ve hit a personal milestone and felt the need to ramble on about it a little.
    Until next time,
  Thanks for reading!
    The Big Site Update (Part 3) A Brief tl;dr This is probably a lot to say for 20 unfinished webcomic pages and 
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fanfictionlive · 5 years ago
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Feeling guilty about my upload schedule
I stopped writing anything for about four years, since 2015, and since September I've been writing again. I started with one fanfiction and I'm 9 chapters and 82,000 words into that story. I have two more chapters outlined and ready to be written, and the rest of the story planned out, and I'm having so much fun writing again. However, I had another story idea surface in my mind and decided I wanted to write both of them simultaneously for a variety of reasons, rather than wait until the first story is done. So far, since September, I have been keeping to a once a week upload for Story 1. I decided once I finished chapter 9 (the end of a kind of semi-arc in Story 1) that I would begin Story 2, which I had already outlined the first two chapters of. I gave my readers a heads up for the last several chapters of Story 1 and warned them that I would not be updating as frequently because I am alternating stories. My fandom is a TV show and I am following the episodes (commonly done in this fandom) with the addition of my OFCs in both stories and I've decided I'm going to alternate writing and uploading between each episode of the show). My hope is that I'll be able to write the chapters (I usually do 2 chapters per episode, and 3 for two episode storylines) quickly enough that I would then have some backup chapters to buffer me while I write the other story, but that hasn't been the case these last few weeks.
I teach (this is my second year teaching, and I switched grade levels this year so it might as well be my first) and I've been struggling with juggling my job, my life, and my writing. I'm lucky I've been able to get one chapter done a week. In the beginning, I was usually two chapters ahead of myself but the school year got a little busy and now I'm writing as I upload basically. I know that I warned my readers about the second story starting and asked them to check it out when I do upload it, since both stories at the same fandom, so I'm hoping they won't mind the delayed updates on Story 1 because they'll have something else from me to read. But I feel guilty that I'm not updating both weekly, and I feel even guiltier that I know a period is coming up where I may not be able to update either story once a week. With the holidays, and some video games coming out soon that I want to play, it may turn into updating one story every two weeks, which means that each story might get updated once a month instead. I know it's Fanfiction, and it's not like I'm getting paid. But I feel guilty nonetheless.
I'm still planning on writing both stories together and alternating, but I'm wondering if I should change my original plan of finishing an episode (which would be at least 2 chapters) before switching stories to switching stories between each chapter. I'm concerned it will make it more annoying to finish the second half of writing an episode for me but it may help my readers with the delays. But, if you write more than one story at a time, how do you manage an upload schedule? Do you seem to lose any readers when you don't update one story, or do they wait for you? And, in general, how do you guys deal with guilt about not being able to update as regularly as you would like?
submitted by /u/jadednightingale2308 [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2NxcFKN
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soybeantree · 7 years ago
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crossed the line (strangers)
pairing: bobby (kim jiwon)/reader series:  100 letters | eyes closed | heaven in hiding | alone | sorry  | now or never | moving on genre/rating: angst word count: 2.2k+ a/n: drabble series requested for halsey’s album ‘hopeless fountain kingdom’. this will be the last in this series~ we hope you enjoyed them.
The bed is empty when he wakes up. It always is now. He remembers how it was before. How it was years ago, when he first met you. Before this all began. You were inseparable. Finding yourself drawn to one another without realizing. It was comfortable and easy; something you could always call your friendship.
The two of you had met in your early teens. A few commonalities flourishing into a bond that stuck through the years. Through his training and your failed attempts at adulthood. Even when he began to get big, getting recognized on the street, showing up in every other music video. You didn’t lose touch. Sure, it was difficult to make time for each other in the beginning when neither of you really knew how to handle the whole thing, but if there was anyone worth fighting for in your mind hit was him. It was him amongst all the fame.
To you he was just Jiwon; only Bobby when he was being a complete egotistical loser who tried to act ‘cool’. Which you knew he wasn’t at all. You had seen him when he lost his Pooh years ago. It was only gone for two days but you swear he acted like his entire existence was over. But he was your best friend and closest confidant. The one always there to hear you rage about some stupid co-worker of yours. And to bring you your favorite cravings during that time of the month, no matter how awkward it was for him to see you break out in tears over a peanut butter commercial. He was always there for you. With support and love, just like well…a brother.
Which was why when the two of you had drunkenly agreed to sleep together one night after a rather large party the boys had thrown you both agreed it was a no strings attached kind of thing. Why you would still claim that you were more drunk than you were. And why it took more effort than you’d like to admit to not cringe every time Jiwon came to you asking to hook up. It wasn’t hard for you to notice the subtle changes he started making after a few months of this. Suggestions that whispered to the more intimate side of the fwb clause. Things that eluded to more.
Your attempt at dodging what you knew of his feelings didn’t go unnoticed. Especially the third or fourth time you waited less than a minute after the two of you hit the sheets in exhaustion before moving to pick up your clothes. Your heart rate still pounding in your chest, a large part because of the fear you felt every time his hand drifted to gently stroke down your back. His unstable breaths could be heard behind you and you could almost see Jiwon’s furrowed eyebrows at your stiffening shoulders. Could hear the cogs whirling in his brain at your sudden coldness. But it wasn’t truly sudden and he had seen you like this for weeks.
You had never screened his calls before. Always quick on the reply. But now, more often than not, he stared for hours at the little ‘read’ by your name. He missed you. He missed how you kissed him while the two of you were together. Now you didn’t even look at him; avoiding eye contact while he struggled to keep you there. But maybe more so, he missed how the two of you would spend time together. Casually. Wasting the days he had off lazily wandering the streets or hanging at home. You trying to put together a puzzle while he chucked popcorn kernels at your hair from his spot on the couch.
But now he couldn’t remember the last time the two of you spent alone, doing well, not this. Alone and not with the other boys or your friends as a buffer. It was making him crazy. Stressing him out so much so that the others were taking notice. He brushed it off, internalizing the years of pent-up feelings for you. Those that he had questioned the night you two began this. Would it make things worse? Better? Was there now a chance to come clean with how he had felt about you for a while. But he was just kidding himself. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn’t put himself up to facing you. He wasn’t sure he could handle the truth and inevitably what it would do to the two of you.
“Yah! Get over here…Hyung? Bobby! Yah! KIM JIWON!” It was Donghyuk’s eyes that he met when he finally looked up, focusing enough to notice the agitation in his friend’s face. The younger boy motioned him over, the dim lights barely registering on the other confused faces in the living room.
He’d been standing there staring into nothing long enough for his glass to overflow and the sink to start filling. Pushing the handle down he hesitated before dumping the full glass into the sink. He wasn’t thirsty anymore and he was afraid he’d be sick to his stomach if he tried to get anything down. Truth be told his stomach had been in knots since you arrived about an hour ago. Everyone was having a movie night; celebrating their first day of rest in quite a while. You had agreed instantly, the tone of your voice leaving him to think everything was fine when he knew the opposite to be true.
They had already pressed play by the time he had made it into the living room, the only seat available besides the floor, on the end of the couch next to you. He swallowed, ten seconds away from just dealing with a sore ass for the next two hours and opting for what seemed like a better option. But everyone else would question him, no doubt they left the spot open out of habit. Huffing he shuffled by Junhoe’s long legs, the other boy not moving to aid in his passing, before plopping down next to you. He pretended to not pay any mind to how you shifted further down the couch. A slight smile was his only greeting as your eyes stayed glued to the tv. Great. If anyone took just a moment to glance your way they’d be able to sense the tension as the two of you leaned non-too subtly away from each other.
Your fidgeting didn’t go unnoticed by him though and it was roughly thirty minutes into the movie when he first glanced over at you. You could feel the sharp gaze on the side of your face, but chose to ignore it. Jiwon left out an aggressive puff of hair before leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. Within seconds he was running his hands through his hair, something you knew he did when agitated. It wasn’t like the two of you were blind to the awkward feeling between you, but for some reason neither of you wanted to address the elephant in the room. Over the next few moments you swapped hesitant looks, confusion and uncertainty fliting over both of your faces. It was when he noticed your hands clenching and unclenching in your lap that Jiwon finally caved, grabbing onto your arm and pulling you with him to his bedroom.
It was the same as you remember from some weeks ago. Pictures of his friends, his trips, family, and the two of you cluttered the dresser and desk, while clothes located themselves here and there. It was comfortable and the sense of belonging tried to worm its way back into your resistant heart. Turning from the bed to face him as he closed the door, you crossed your arms in front of your chest. From your view of his back you watched his shoulders rise and fall several times as he seemed to be taking a moment before facing you. His eyes came to yours’ hesitantly. They seemed to be looking for something before he glanced down again, not sure if he liked what he saw in your hardened gaze.
“(Y/N), what’s going on?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your voice was calm and practiced, already knowing he would ask you this. His eyes rolled and a scoff left his lips, almost knowing that you were going through the motions before the real truth came out. Jiwon continued to stare at you, waiting for the moment he knew you’d crack under whatever stupid pretense you were trying to put forth. “I…I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Oh cut the shit. You’ve been acting weird for weeks now.” He had one hand jammed in his pocket which the other ran destructively through his once-styled hair.
“I haven’t been doing anything.” You shrugged a shoulder at his statement. Nonchalance your attempted air, but he wasn’t having that. He had known you for years and while most of those years had been covered by a haze of infatuation, he wasn’t letting you off the hook this time. Even if he was afraid of what might be the outcome, he couldn’t continue to live in the hellish purgatory.  
“Exactly! You haven’t been doing anything. WE haven’t been doing anything. What’s going on? Did I do something to piss you off?” Even though he had, you’re quick to deny the claim. He wouldn’t be able to handle the truth, and frankly you didn’t want to say it to his face. To see him break into pieces in front of you. “Then tell me why you’ve been avoiding me and why you keep acting so frigid. It’s fucking me up.”
“I haven’t meant to cut you out-” He cut you off before you could spew any other nonsense.
“Well you have been, so why?”
“I…don’t. I just...there isn’t any…” By now your hands had moved to a more anxious position by your thighs, nails digging into your palms as you avoided eye contact. The familiar burn behind your lids nagged at you. You couldn’t cry now. What right did you have to when you were trying not to break your best friend’s heart? When you were trying to keep some resemblance of what you had before after all of this was said and done.
“Come on! Just tell me so I can fix it!” His voice was much louder now and you weren’t completely certain that the television in the living room was turned up enough to drown out the now escalating conversation.
“I don’t know how to make it stop!” Your hands slapped to your face, wishing you could return the words to your mouth.
Jiwon’s eyebrows were now scrunched, thoroughly confused by where you were going with this. “What stop?” At his prompt, you finally made eye contact. It was now or never.
“Your feelings for me.”
He scoffed again in disbelief, somewhat thrown by your confession. “My feelings for you?” Pausing he shook his head, “You’ve been avoiding me because you know how I feel about you?”
“Yes. We agreed at the beginning that whatever this was wasn’t going to ruin our friendship and now it’s turning us into this. You’ve changed and I don’t know how to go back to before.” You couldn’t control how you were gesturing dramatically now, trying to explain in some way that this was his fault. In reality, the fault fell to no one, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to take the blame at the moment.
“I’ve changed?” You cringed at his incredulous tone, anger slowly slipping onto his face.
“Yes! You’re beginning to treat this like we’re in a relationship!”
With that last statement he broke, coming towards you a few steps. The way you stepped back from him wasn’t overlooked, but he was too far unhinged to care about that now. “Excuse me for fucking caring then! I can’t help that I’ve been in love with you for years (Y/N)!”
“I know.” By now your shoulders were sagging as all fight left you. He was right. He couldn’t help that his feelings caused him to treat you in such a way, just as yours did. “And I can’t help that I don’t see you like that.”
“Huh. I guess that would have been better to know before all of this.” He’d half turned from you at his point but you could still see how his expression had turned cold. Although you had seen him respond in kind to others, it had never been directed at you, and maybe with his body shifting towards the door, he was still trying to subconsciously hold out on treating you in such a way.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would lead to this. I just want to be your friend. I miss how we use to be.” You’re reaching for him now but he’s already placed a hand on the doorknob, his shoulders heaving with another deep sigh.
“Yeah me too. But I don’t think there’s any way to go back now.”
With that he left you standing alone, the door quietly closing behind him, muffling the sounds of your friends in the living room. The sound of your slow heartbeat way too loud now. You couldn’t quite wrap your head around it. How you had gone from best friends to this. From healing each other to hurting each other. 
From friends, to lovers, to strangers. 
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