#because future ellie would probably not be able to save everyone

[koipalm]

tlou au where everything is the same but from the very start, joel, tess, and ellie are pursued by a mysterious woman with 8 fingers who wants nothing more than to kill ellie

[netherfeildren]

People might have asked you before, but do you work or have studied in writing? How you write is beautiful and so engaging! I love it! Just a few sentences are enough to hook me up. I've just read ''Greener Memories of Better Men'', and you wrecked me. I'm not prone to cry, but with just over 10k words, you did it. I felt Joel's pain and mourning. How you describe it was painfully beautiful and heartbreaking.

The way you introduced Ellie was masterful. I liked that she still aids Joel in his healing journey with her sweet speech and puns. And the reader! I'm on the small size, and how you describe the size difference between the reader and Joel really gets me. She seems sweet and younger. Around what age did you think when you wrote her? The connection they share, be it by previous attraction or the pain (on different levels) of losing Sarah, feels strong and unstoppable. They do the deed in the car, lol! I don't know if you plan to write more about them, but may I ask, do you have a picture of their future? If they marry and have more kids?

Don't start me on ''Pink''. There's only one chapter left! This story is a treasure. I love a good forbidden/taboo relationship story, and this is mind-blowing! The way you describe the feelings and thoughts is captivating. Their first kiss in the bathroom gave me goosebumps. Their obsession with each other might not be healthy, but it's so good to read it. Joel's words about not being allowed to fall in love sound like a failed attempt to convince himself of what to do as if he knows he has already lost the battle, but he's not yet ready to accept it. Or it's what I'm hoping for. And she's bound to the same thing. All her life, she's been hiding who she really is from everyone (even her husband), but she cannot hide anything from Joel. He sees her. I wonder if Joel's son will appear in the last chapter.

Thanks for sharing these stories!♥️♥️♥️

Hi! thank you so much for such a kind message! one of my degrees is in literature so I did quite a bit of writing during school, but no, my current job doesn't have me writing in a professional capacity at all. Ellie is probably hands down my favorite tlou character to write and I don't do it enough. which if I think about it is probably because I'm always so worried about getting her voice right / having her remain in character. and you're so right her part in greener memories was entirely meant to help Joel on his journey to self healing just like she serves in canon. they're a team those two, no matter what universe we stick them in, I think. I didn't have a specific age in mind for the MC in that one, only that she was younger than him, something like a fresh set of eyes taking in the world in comparison to Joel's older more jaded ones. I've not given much thought to what their future would have been like honestly, but like it said at the end of the story, she saved his life in all the ways that counted, and I can't believe I'm saying this because it's SO unlike me in terms of the way my stories usually go, but even though I do think they stayed together for sure, I'm not sure if they had children. I'm not sure it really matters, or better said, I don't think the important thing, in my mind, in terms of that specific Joel, is like moving on, as much as being okay with himself at the end of it all. he was so afraid of turning into someone Sarah wouldn't be able to recognize that I think the real lesson is having something like that happen and being able to hold on to yourself, the rest is ancillary for me, and I'll leave it up to the readers discretion and interpretation :)

and pink... yeah, Joel's warning at the end is definitely falling on two sets of deaf ears. There was already too much of a build up of something that shouldn't have been between them, even before they'd gotten involved with each other, to be able to control it now. will sam appear in the last chapter? who knows, not I! we'll just have to wait and see what happens, I suppose! thank you so much for reading and again, for such a kind message 💗

[thereisnoblogniche]

more TLOU rambles

I will never get to see this show again for the first time. I don't think I've ever felt that about a show.

Breaking Bad is probably my favorite show, but it's only enhanced upon rewatches. I mean some of the suspense and twists in that show are amazing the first time and it can't be re-lived either. but it's just better and better each time i've rewatched, even knowing those big moments are coming.

I don't think I'll have that with re-watches TLOU. I hope i'm wrong.

Two important reasons why I feel like that:

-watching the relationship Joel and Ellie develop. even if you know it's coming, is just incomparable the first time. I knew that was the crux of the story, but nothing could have spoiled it or prepared me for actually witnessing it and growing close to the characters and seeing it happen myself. It was just beautiful. You don't know how it's going to happen or how it'll manifest. Especially the "It's okay, baby girl" moment. That was probably the hardest-hitting single moment where their relationship becomes obvious and out in the open for what it actually is. Also, "it wasn't time that did it" and the look he gives her in the last episode. Just fucking end me. Maybe (and hopefully) that bond between them will be even more beautiful upon future rewatches (if I can ever gather the courage to go through all this trauma again)-- but nothing can compare to just experiencing and witnessing that for the first time.

-the ending. I actually went this long without having the ending spoiled for me. Except, if you had told me "oh it ends with Joel killing a bunch of people and saving Ellie", I would have been like "okay doesn't seem like much of a spoiler". What I didn't realize were the conditions and the dilemma it poses. Save humanity or save the one you live? The choice feels pretty obvious to nearly everyone. It's not much of a discussion. Knowing that the surgery would have killed her, it's a no-brainer. What's more interesting to me is that he lies to her about it. There is a fear there that she would have wanted to do it anyway and he's protecting her out of selfishness. This show was great about shifting and evolving my views of Joel throughout the show. I do not see him as a bad guy. I understand him fully and completely. I don't think I'm supposed to dislike him or even disagree with him. Just understand. What an interesting topic of love. The dark side of unconditional love--to paraphrase the podcast. I didn't know what that concept could mean until the last episode.

It just feels like I won't be able to experience the show the same again and I wonder if that initial shock and gut-punch is part of what makes it so powerful. But it has such amazing casting and great writing and I hope that holds up over time and it's not just the raw emotions and processing it for the first time that are carrying it for me right now.

Without seeing additional seasons, it's hard to categorize where this sits among my favorite shows, but just on one season, it's already in the conversation for top 3. If they pull off really good season 2 (and others??), we're going to be having serious top 2 potential. I am nervous about future seasons because I don't know if they're jumping right to the second game or if they're going to have some buffer. I hope at least some buffer. I would think there'd be some transitional scenes, if not a few episodes. I would greatly prefer a whole second season of Pedro and Bella before they jump to the events in the 2nd game. After all, a few years pass between the games. And I need some more time with Joel and Ellie as surrogate father and daughter. Excited to see where they take it-- I will have plenty of time to ponder and contemplate.

[iaintyourbro]

The Unknown Journey Continues

Part 1

I know it's been a while... but I've been going down a rabbit hole with @starlight-samurai regarding time loops, Jenova, Minerva, and more fun. So I figured I'd try to put it into one post to get the insanity out of my head. Everything in here is based on things we've found by either going through more obscure Ultimanias, learning more about Dirge of Cerberus and trying to decipher what the hell Jenova is by putting together various sources - including other Square Enix games - and how they handled freakishly similar scenarios.

Did you know there is a companion mobile game for it that was out on the good old flip phones? Did you know there was an online mode in Dirge of Cerberus only available in Japan, but had story elements that were not in the main game?

The sad part is, there's still so much to go through...

(I've also had various discussions with @ourfinalheaven, Manu, who doesn't have Tumblr, so here is her Twitter. and Somebody's Nightmare (here is her Twitter). So I wanted to tag them here, as it's much more fun to discuss these ideas as a group, since it'll only help you build on and strengthen your own ideas.)

Please be aware, there will be Spoilers for FFVII - Almost all Compilation titles, Xenogears, and NieR Automata throughout this.

So let's go on a journey where we explore what actually already exists in the compilation - including the idea of the whispers and timeloops - how Minerva may play into everything, and what exactly Jenova is capable of doing.

I asked Sesi if he'd ever played any of the NieR games, because he'd said something that made me wonder if they were going to take a similar approach. As a very, very quick high level summary: NieR Automata deals with a time loop type of idea. The androids will be rebooted and repeat the same things over and over again. This is broken when 2B is killed by A2 because she becomes infected with a virus. That being said, you have the option after Ending E to either erase all of your data and end the cycle OR you can try again. The Pods have a discussion, and one asks, "But won't they just do the same thing again?" and the other replies with "Maybe. But it could also be different this time."

Here's Sesi's message back to me when I asked him about this (cleaned up a bit since we were having a casual conversation over Discord):

Maybe I could just guess based comparatively on the Dirge storyline, because that was sort of SE's first flirtation with “robots and androids” since they’re all programmed and locked behind like task managers and shit that can shut them down. The story of the online mode for DoC that came out in Japan, we never got to see it, you’re basically an Android OC and you have to get to “the end of the level” and then essentially die, and a new one takes its place. This keeps happening until Weiss is essentially freed from being able to be task managed by the guys who are suppose to be able to control them and I know from tons of years with Square games that they’re verrrrry bad at differentiating their narratives they tend to just keep “ripping themselves off” so is it anything close to that?

Cuz if so I think I kinda know what you’re saying and yeah, I agree, I think with CC bringing in its poetic symbolism and LOVELESS, and DoC bringing back the cyclic nature of the lore, whispers, premonitions and future visions, proto-Materia and the perversion of this next cycle since the planet can no longer cleanse and protect itself and its will is weakening lesser and lesser to the point where it’s fate is “in a true sense of jeopardy This time essentially it’s all tied in together and sort of played as though it's a fated track; a cycle of events and something has hitched it, thus the whispers manifesting and Sephiroth's higher implied control over his destiny. Of course, even all that is just their new red herring game, but it’s definitely a part of the lore they want to play with, in order to go back and reMAKE the OG with the comp inserted from inception. Also gut punch a lot.

Time Loops

I was somewhat surprised to find out that this concept is NOT new to FFVII's universe. It's discussed in Dirge of Cerberus... probably one of the least played and least understood of the compilation. (Trying to sell a third person shooter with terrible controls to a market of mostly people used to turn-based combat wasn't going to go well.)

On top of it, we didn't even get all of it, since online mode was never released outside of Japan, and the Dirge of Cerberus Lost Episode was on Amp'd Mobile and Verizon flip phones back in 2006. Were you around for the cell phones in 2006? I had the ones on the list, and how somebody could play a game on those blows my mind.

Square has a tendency to reuse themes from their other titles. Probably one of the most blatant is the similarities between Xenogears and Final Fantasy VII. They were both being developed at the same time and a lot of ideas that didn't make it into FFVII ended up in Xenogears.

NieR

So how does this work? In NieR (both Replicant and Automata), you play the same path multiple times. Each time, it's slightly different depending on what side quests you did your first and second playthrough, but there's also other subtle differences throughout the story. In Automata, you get to play as 2B your first playthrough and 9S for your second. They follow the same path, but you get it from his perspective the second time and it reveals a bit more of what is going on. However, even with some slight differences, the main plot points stay the same and the ending result it also the same.

Then on your third playthrough, you wake up in the Bunker, and you're getting ready to go on a new mission. This time, though, 2B is killed and shit hits the fan. Things get crazy, you play as a new character: A2. In the end, pretty much everyone "dies", but you can choose to "reboot" and try again. You also can say you are done and let them all rest and delete your save data (the game gives you the option for both Automata and Replicant, and with Replicant, it actually leads to a new ending).

The striking thing for me is... There are certain events that will always happen, no matter what.

Fixed Points in Time

It's been years since I've watched Doctor Who, but there was something that stuck with me, and that was the fixed points in time. You can read about all of them here, but here's the basics:

Now, of course Doctor Who goes into this with much more detail and it's a recurring theme. However, as you read through that page, you'll probably find many aspects that have been used in various JRPGs that you've played. And Doctor Who most likely pulled some of the idea from classic Science Fiction novels. Each story puts its own spin on it.

How does this relate to FFVII Remake? Well, when they say that the major plot points will stay the same, it reminds me of this. No matter what, Cloud must fall into the Sector 5 Church, the Sector 7 Plate must be dropped, Aerith and Zack both must die, and Meteor has to be summoned, to name a few. So, with a time loop, those things would still have to take place in order to prevent a complete collapse of reality (at least in how Doctor Who uses it).

Therefore, the Whispers are ensuring that the Will of the Planet is followed.

One of the major themes in FFVII is that of loss. People die and they do not come back. Yes, other FF games do allow this to happen (FFX, FFXIII, FFXV), but VII is not those games. It was written with that idea in mind, that once a person dies, they, just like in real life, are dead and cannot be brought back.

I've previously written that I think they'll make us believe we are able to change fate, but we will eventually be slammed with the reality that we can't. That is because the planet has determined that certain events are fixed points.

Xenogears

Xenogears takes a bit of a different approach to the loop idea. Instead of repeating the same time period over and over, it has the characters reincarnated, and the same outcome happens each time: Elly dies. However, each time it's different. After all, they're in various time periods, in some cases thousands of years apart.

In all of the lives of Fei (who will have a different name in each time period) and Elly (who is always Elly/Elhaym), Elly will end up dying trying to protect Fei and the others. In one life, she is a religious figure at a totally not Catholic church, in another she's the wife of a scientist who was working to create children from nanomachines due to mass infertility issues. But she is ALWAYS with Fei, even if his name changes.

In her Mother Elhaym time, this is when Lacan (Fei) finally snaps. Though he's not fully aware of his past lives, he becomes aware, the anger consumes him, and he becomes Grahf. Fei is then reborn into the time period you play the game in.

There's a lot to unpack with this, so I won't go into it. Grahf wants to destroy God (Deus) because he thinks if he does, then it'll stop the suffering (his suffering).

If you do want to read more about Grahf, you can do so here, but it probably won't make much sense unless you've played Xenogears up to that point... Since it's much later in the game that this is all explained.

Lacan's desire was to stop the cycle of Elly always sacrificing herself for his sake. Though Grahf is not a perfect existence - he's not fully "The Contact", he sacrifices himself in order to let Fei move forward, and hopefully stop the cycle, by destroying the Deus system. (Elly also tries to sacrifice herself here, but Fei goes after her and stops her.)

Now, some people may think I'm saying that Cloud or somebody is going to do this in order to save Aerith or Zack (or his village or mom), but in FFVII if they do the loop method, I don't think Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and the others are aware of it. Most likely, it's only 'Sephiroth' and Aerith who are aware of it.

How this Could Be used for Final Fantasy VII

I'm stressing could because there's so many different possibilities on how they use this (if they are using this), so please, don't take this as fact. This is based on speculation based on what we know.

A time loop is a great way to explain away the differences in the story that we've seen: Biggs being alive, Wedge living for longer than he should have, etc. Since these are not major plot changes, they can simply say that this time it'll be slightly different... but your fixed points (major plot points) will remain the same.

It's a way to pull in some of the more obscure themes from Dirge of Cerberus and also play with the LOVELESS lore.

It could all simply be a big red herring and it's really just a remake of OG, but with the compilation tied together nicely... since it works much better when it's combined and not in 50 different games, books, movies, etc.

I don't think it's a "sequel" per say, not in the way I generally perceive a sequel. It's more of a loop of the same thing. The question is, when is the loop started and what will cause it to end? When will the planet (if it even is the planet) determine that it's good enough to begin moving forward?

JENOVA, Sephiroth, Genesis, and Minerva - Oh My!

Let's be real... Genesis isn't exactly the most popular character in the FFVII Compilation... but what if they make him one of the most important to the story? //Ducks as various fruits and vegetable are thrown in my direction//

I think what Genesis is probably most known for is his love of LOVELESS. He has the entire thing memorized and randomly says lines from it throughout Crisis Core. LOVELESS lore is still something I'm trying to grasp, so I am not going to comment much on it. Once I understand it more, I'll update this.

...And then this happens. The secret ending for Dirge of Cerberus, where Genesis picks up Weiss. Weiss, who has now been introduced along with Nero in FFVII INTERmission and is an optional ridiculously hard boss in the Shinra battle simulator in chapter 17 of the main story. There is some lore associated with the battle sim - so if you don't plan on beating it or you just can't, you can look up the pre-battle and post-battle cut scenes on YouTube. They're very short, but interesting. (I beat this asshole last night - it's a hell of a fight.)

....To Be Continued because apparently Tumblr won't allow more than 10 images per post now.... Next will be more on JENOVA and Sephiroth along with Minerva.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 20

lmao last time i did one of these was February there is a lot

Anonymous said: What's your collab process when you and other creators make packs? Like how do you decide to do it together and how do you split up the ideas and everything?

I’m going to answer another ask outside of this post that details this but I’ll answer this one here too. The way me and ayoshi do packs is not like a usual collab (in my opinion I don’t think people collab like this). I am good at making meshes. So usually I make a mesh for something and ayoshi makes a base texture that I can use to finish the base of the top/bottom and then we work together to fix any texture issues. Nothing we’ve made has ever been 100% mine or 100% his except for the hairs. Sometimes a mesh is easy but the texture requires a lot of work so it’s more work for him, sometimes I decide I want to try and texture something (like with this AxA I made textures for some of the clothes) and then ayoshi will clean the texture up for me and add some shading for me. So it’s a lot different than what I imagine most collabs are. But I love the way me and him work together and the ability to change something I don’t like because it isn’t just his, it’s ours. 

Anonymous said: I'm so excited for your new AxA collab that female hair is stunning!!

Anonymous said: I s2g if it werent for your cc my sims would just have to walk around naked lmao you literally make the game playable for me, so thank you ❤❤❤❤❤

thank you!!! Assuming the 2nd ask is about AxA too because that’s the only time I make clothes lmao. Excited for you guys to see everything this week. 

Anonymous said: Do you know anyone who recolours your hairs? They’re so gorgeous I’d love to see them in more colours! Xx

I usually reblog recolors of my hair at @aharris00britneyrecolors​.

Anonymous said: I'm a sucker for your sim Bella. Every time I see Bella as your hair models, I click and download

Anonymous said: Hi, sorry to bother, are you planning on uploading your Bella Sim Anytime soon? Love your content!

Bella is a queen, she’s a streamer in my game at the AH00B house. I don’t think I’m going to upload my Sims anymore though :( I have a ton of sliders and presets in my game and I have no idea which ones I use. I have 3 of the ones I know I use listed on my resource page but there are so many more and I don’t want to share them and they be broken in peoples games.

Anonymous said: will there be an axa this year im in desperate need of new clothes for my sims :(

I got this a few days ago before the teaser came out which I thought was funny fvghb yes there will be one

@lysssimpatico​ said: I was wondering if you might consider making the Elli hair have ombre accessory options. There aren't any cute curly ponytail ombres anywhere!

I think I tried making an ombre accessory for it when I made the hair and it didn’t fully work with the way I changed the UV maps. I’m sorry :(

Anonymous said: why the HELL is your dog so cute lemme have her please

Right? She’s an angel omg my dad is watching her while my foot heals but I miss her so much fghvbj 

Anonymous said: Your Daphne hair is so cute!!

thank you! 

Anonymous said: I have the feeling everyone knows what kind of Supernatural they would be if they were one, so what's yours?

I think I would want to be a ghost so i could fuck with people ya

Anonymous said: Does the Natilie hair need to be updated?

Nope, all the updated stuff is in my post that lists all the updated content off. Everything on my download page is up to date.

Anonymous said: Hi im just submitting an idea if you want to - i love your melanie hair and i was wondering if its possible to remove the accessory on it? im sorry if im bothering you im new to all this hope you have a nice day!!

hey :) I am pretty sure someone had to have made a hair similar to that already as it’s just the university ponytail with new ponytail on it. If not I could look into doing it sometime in the future. 

Anonymous said:I LOVE U 😍

and i love u

Anonymous said: Do you know if there’s any hair accessories (like ones that change the color of it) that work with your Elli Hair? ❤️

It comes with an accessory that changes the elastic :)

Anonymous said: Hellooo! first of all, how are you? how´s your day? i´m sorry but, do you know if someone makes maxis match hairs based in kpop videos? I´m searching for that bull all i can find is alpha hair and i´m not into alpha cc :( Thank you very much! have a great day!

I’m not sure if there are people that specifically only do that but I think there are a handful of creators that get inspired from kpop/music videos and make hairs similar to that. Cause we use EA meshes most of the time the hairs aren’t going to look exactly like the inspiration though. Like I have two hairs that are based off Go Won from loona (Go Won hair and Kelsey Hair) but i don’t think you can tell that just from looking at them. 

Anonymous said: I downloaded the new version of the sydnie braids but my game says they're corrupted and won't let me play with them in my mods folder

try to redownload and they should work, I haven’t had any other issues. 

Anonymous said: hey, i was just wondering whether you did or are thinking of doing eyelashes at any point

I am not lmao I don’t think I would be able to make my own eyelashes

Anonymous said: you are incredibly prolific. constantly amazed and delighted by your high-quality work. have a good day king

thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: aaaahh I know this is probably a long shot but I was wondering if you had the quartz eyes psd? I've been trying to find it but all of the links I've stumbled onto are dead :( thank you in advance!! ♥️ and no problem if you don't have it or can't share it :)

here is a link to a post that has the PSD

Anonymous said: the mica hair looks so cute 🥺 you’re amazing

thank you! It’s named after the main singer from Magdalena Bay ;n; i love them

@whendowestopcaring​ said: I love, love, love your work!! + your blog, aesthetic, etc. Keep it up!

thank you!!!! pink and blue all the way bb

@marsupialmother​ said: Not an ask, just a comment. All you stuff is so beautiful. Thank you for being such an amazing creator!!!

no, thank you for sending me this! I appreciate it a ton <3 have a wonderful day

Anonymous said: How long have you been creating CCs for?

I recolored a get together cardigan in Dec 2015 and started making hair in November of 2016 to promote Britney Spears lmao. So around 4-5 years. 

Anonymous said: hi!! just wanted to say i love the item index download option! thank you for your awesome cc and organization :)

You’re welcome! item indexes make things so much easier I agree, happy to help simplify things for downloaders. also they look nice so that’s a plus for me. 

Anonymous said: i love your cc, they are really beautiful but can you do more male hair cc? im just asking

I prefer doing female stuff tbh, I feel like I’m better at it and I get more ideas. But i did 4 male hairs in this upcoming AxA 2020 pack and a bunch of male clothes. I’m sorry I can’t do more :( I just don’t get inspired to make much male stuff personally.

Anonymous said: what happened to Ayoshi???

he’s in the basement working on AxA, don’t ask.  he actually just doesn’t like being on Simblr anymore but still likes making CC with me, so we just make cc on call sometimes when we get bored of a game we’re playing. he sends his regards from the basement of AH00B studios <3

Anonymous said: hello i love all your cc and you’re my favorite creator, i have a question, are you planning to make some more clothes anytime soon?

getting these while working on AxA was so funny because there are like 80 new clothes for male/female sims in it and i was like... these people don’t know what they have coming their way. thank you!

Anonymous said: 💃 How you make all your item index for your pack and collab? 💃

I make mine in Word using tables and then save as PDF. Here’s a peak at the AxA 2020 one

Anonymous said: am i on drugs or have u uploaded an eco lifestyle kids dress conversion? i remember seeing it so vividly, (the zip up kids dress), but maybe it was another creator... lol

I think that was from grimcookies! Here is a link to his eco lifestyle add on set that he made. 

Anonymous said: would you happen to know how to get rid of the weird gloss that can be on some cc hairs?

if you download Sims4Studio and open the package you can make the specular blank but that could cause issues in your game if you play on certain graphic settings. So do it with caution. 

Anonymous said: Awww we have very similar life aspirations, I just want a boring/calm life, settle down with a wife (I'm a lesbian) and become an lit teacher.

yup yup boring lifes are where it’s at. Like i just want something simple lmao if I wanted exciting I wouldn’t do teaching. 

Anonymous said: hi! i hope youre doing well! could you please tell me wcif the two toned jeans on the sim in your eco lifestyle addon collection?

They’re in AxA 2020! We have had so much of the stuff done for a while so i’ve been using it in previews for a while lmao. 

Anonymous said: WAIT is the Love Bomb palette named after the Fromis_9 song???

yessss ayoshi is their #1 fan

[soliverse]

SAY YOU LOVE ME - PART 4

rockstar!taeyongxjournalist!reader

genre: angst, suggestive, romance

warnings:  mentions of emotional abuse and manipulation, panic attacks, stalker behavior, and cussing

1 ⭒ 2 ⭒ 3 ⭒ 4 ⭒ 5 ⭒ finale pt 1

Length: 3k

ps:  if you are not comfortable with that sort of stuff, I will insert a warning within the story so you can skip it.

Also: the story is fictional and is no way related to NCT and its brand, especially Yuta. These are all a part of my imagination and I felt like it was needed to push the story further. Again, happy reading! - Ellie

The boys of 1:27 made a detour on a small BBQ shop on their way home to celebrate their successful performance for that night. Charlie promised them that she’ll pay for dinner and so they are stopped at the BBQ shack that they passed by on their way home. Everyone excitedly stepped out from the minivan with their arms around each other.

At this time of the night, they were the only ones inside the place. They took it as a go signal to be loud and did as they please. On a respectable manner, of course.

On one side, Johnny was filming a vlog with Mark and Doyoung. They talked about how they had fun at the performance and they wished that they can do more stuff like that in the future. Meanwhile, Taeyong helped Charlie decide what and how much to order.  

The pair came out alongside the staff to help them in carrying their massive order. They brought out about five trays of barbeque and side dishes which almost didn’t fit the small rectangular table that they have. They thank the staff for their troubles and started gobbling marinated meat right away.

The staff then came out with another tray. This time, it was filled by glasses containing amber-tinted liquid.

The boys cheered as Charlie went around the table and gave each one a glass. Mark was the first one that was handed the drink and so he took a sip right away. He then started laughing uncontrollably as he takes a sip once again from the glass.

“Dude, it’s apple juice.”

Charlie went back to her seat smiling smugly.

“Of course, it’s apple juice. I’m not going to baby your drunk asses off when we get home.”

The table went quiet, filling the room with sounds of chewing and utensils clanking over plates. Doyoung tried to lighten the mood up and started sharing stories about the miniconcert that they were invited in. They also got along well with the other performers and started taking pictures with them as well.

Charlie whipped out her phone and showed everybody pictures and videos that she captured while they are performing. They can all hear the cheers and screams coming from the videos. The loudest was definitely Charlie. Everyone was excitedly jumping up and down and singing their song with them. They got all hot and sweaty from the humid weather and moving around the stage. That didn’t stop them from interacting and hyping up the audience. She even argued that it made them even more appealing, especially to the young ladies watching. Some of them even tried to get the boys’ number but they all politely declined and just settled for selfies instead.

They also played games that night which resorted to Mark paying almost half the bill as they left. The guys thanked the owners for not kicking them out for being so noisy and promised that they’ll be back to eat there again. They hopped inside one by one and passed out as soon as their bodies touched the seats.

Taeyong stayed up for a bit and waited until everyone was asleep. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and leaned on the glass window, making a tired peace sign. He sent you the pic and typed a message right after.

Taeyong: We did well today. I’m almost home. Missed u.

  His thumb hovered over the send button for a while. He cringed at the last sentence and erased it before sending it to you and popped in his eyemask and headphones to sleep.

///

“Any more questions about your assignments for this month?”

Everyone remained quiet and just shook their heads in response. The team meeting took longer than expected and it is already past lunch time. You were impatiently scribbling on the notes that you took earlier. A little trick that you do so you will look like you’re busy doing something productive. Your thoughts are now clouded by hunger and boredom and and you kept looking at the clock ticking. You are silently praying that no one will ask a question and extend the meeting any further.

“Okay then.”

The supervisor, an old guy in his early fifties, finally closes the presentation and started closing the tabs in his windows. He shut the laptop down and slammed it close.

“We’ll see each other again same time next month. Remember to stick to your deadlines.”

Finally.

The room rattled as everyone tries to pack up their stuff and get out as fast as they can. You stood up from your chair. You did a bunch of weird poses to stretch your aching body from sitting down too long as you waited for the crown to dissipate before walking away from the room.

You grabbed your handbag from beside you and dug through tons of your unorganized stuff before you were finally to fish your phone out to do a time check. Instead, you were met by tons of photos and videos sent by Charlie that morning. They were mostly pictures of them rehearsing and goofing around the area. A slight curved on your lips as saved all of them in your phone and made your way into the breakroom.

Things are going well for the past couple of weeks. You and Taeyong barely talked before the event because he was busy practicing but at least you can finally look him in the eyes. Greetings are also once again exchanged, you even sent him off on their way to the event. With that out of the way, you’re finally able to catch up on to your prior commitments and saved yourself from being fired that week.

You bolted to the breakroom because you can now hear your stomach complaining. You politely bowed at everyone inside and snaked your way through a bunch of your coworkers. Today’s hot topic was them complaining about how long the meeting was and that Mr. Supervisor purposely stretched the meeting out because he wanted to spite all of you. None of that mattered to you though. The croquette that you made last night for lunch was the only thing on your mind. Upon reaching the fridge of the tiny breakroom, you microwaved your lunch for a few seconds before to your cubicle to eat in peace.

You greeted the one sitting beside you before you took a seat. The stacks of folders and papers were set aside to make way for your lunch bag. You carefully took the contents and dived right in to calm down your growling stomach. At the same time, you decided to pop in an earphone and listened to some of 1:27 recordings while eating. A ding! interrupted the music so you absent-mindedly opened the messages without seeing who it’s from.

Abby: Hey boo.

  The text intrigued you. She wasn’t the type to text someone unless it’s an emergency.

  You: Oh hey. What’s up?”

Abby: Don’t freak out, okay?

Abby: I think I saw Yuta in the mall today.

You felt a lump on your throat, and it wasn’t your lunch. You felt as if someone threw a bucket of iced water at you. You’ve set your lunch down and immediately pressed reply.

You: You sure it’s him?

You: Guy might be visiting his sis. I’m sure it’s nothing.

Abby: You sure?

Abby: Would you like to stay at our place for a while? I’m sure big bro wouldn’t mind.

As much as you wanted to stay over at anyone’s house for tonight, the Li household wasn’t the best option either. The last time you slept over, he glared at you whenever you tried moving anything in the house by a small fraction.

This might be an overstatement but the only thing scarier than Yuta is judgmental Li Yongqin.

You: Yeah, it’s probably nothing. Don’t worry about me.

Abby: Just in case something happens, you have my number okay? Be safe.

You dropped your phone at your desk and you felt your body getting colder and your breaths getting shorter once again. Eating lunch didn’t feel right anymore so you placed the lid back on and slipped it back, exchanging it with the water bottle. You drank half of its content and took deep, long breathes to slow down your racing heart for a bit. You dizzily bobbed your head down and rested your head on your folded arms. People asked if you were okay but you just smiled weakly and insisted that you’ll just sit the day out until office hours was over

As the day ended, Abigail Li picked you up from work that day. She insisted that if you’re not staying over at their house, the least thing that she can do was to make sure that you get home safely.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to stay over? I’ll lock Yongqin in my closet upstairs if it makes you feel any better.” Abby knew what her brother did last time and she made Ten apologize for the glaring at her. He did some half-hearted apology before glaring one last time and shutting himself back to his room.

“Relax. I’ll be fine. It’s been years since we’ve last seen each other. He probably moved on already.”

A sigh left her mouth.

“Fine. Don’t forget to lock everything when you sleep, aight?”

///

The first thing you did as soon as you got home was to lock everything just like what Abby said. You said that you’ll be fine to assure Abby, but you know you couldn’t be too sure about Yuta. First thing you did was grab a few chips and a can of cat food for Felice. The bedroom was the most secure part of the house so you decided that the best thing to do was to camp in there until the morning comes.

You held Felice close and stroke her soft fur to calm yourself down. She had become your most loyal companion on your path to recovery when you shut yourself from everyone else. She snuggles into your chest and purred lightly, probably sensing your uneasiness.

You used all your willpower to sleep that night but your mind was restless. Even after you stuffed yourself full, drank room temperature milk and fiddled on some fancam videos, you just couldn’t your mind off of Nakamoto Yuta.

The last time that you saw him was when you were crying nonstop at the police station as Abby and Sophie held you in.

Everything played out in your head like a film in cinema.

Na Yuta.

Awesome performer.

Awful person.

(This part may be a trigger to some readers so if you wouldn’t be comfortable reading this, skip to the next ///)

Everyone knew that he’s a player. That’s the first thing that he told you when you met him. It made him look dangerous, something you just need in order to spice out your cookie cutter life. Your parents just went into divorce and your life was going downhill.

He’s just a perfect distraction.

It went well at first, you became his muse. He’d shower you with love and gifts. He made you feel things that you never felt before. That didn’t last very long though.

Not even a year later, fights became a common occurrence. You finally understood how someone can love and hate a person at the same time. As soon as you realized the kind of guy that he is, you couldn’t get out. You made excuses after excuses and still waited for the time that he will change.

He’d go on tours and you would hear stories about him being seen with other women. Plural. Witnesses gave you a different description at every story that you believed it was ridiculous. It’s probably a colleague. Or it was fan and hew was just doing a bit of fanservice. That’s what you believed because that’s what he’d tell you every time you would confront him about it.

At the few times that you did caught him, he’d lie blatantly as if he didn’t just get caught. You couldn’t also count the times that he’d turn the table around and find some guy to link you with. It tricked you into believing that it was your fault that he did it. That he regrets being with you.

You couldn’t also fathom that you cried yourself to sleep because of him. He wouldn’t respond at parties and it would take him days before responding. He made you feel that you are never good enough for him, damaging your self-esteem and confidence in the process. And then he would go full circle and be over the top with surprises and gifts. He starts to go all soft on you and made you weak against his touch and kisses. It’s reminder that only him can make you feel that good, even if he’s also the one who caused you pain.

You also turned your back against everyone. Nobody could contact you for months. It was mostly you, trying to keep your ego intact. You can already hear them mocking you and will remind you that they told you so. He also convinced you that nobody else will love you like he did. The absence of your friends and family made you lonely. It was like they didn’t even miss your presence. And so you clung unto him more.

But everyone has their breaking point. At that point, you’re numbed out. You didn’t even cry as you saw him bringing someone into your own home. It was the wakeup call that you needed to get away from him. You finally realized that you didn’t deserve to be treated like trash and broke things off with him right then and there.

He didn’t like that one bit. He saw you as his possession and no one can take you away from him easily. Yuta started following you around wherever you’ll go and asked you to talk things out with him. He’ll pop in at your office, at the club where you would drink your troubles away, or at any possible location where he knows that you would see him. He was switching back and forth from begging and reminding you the memories you both had into going full psycho and texting you that you’ll regret ever leaving him.

It made you so paranoid that you just flat out refused to go outside at the fear of meeting him. The girls wanted to do something about your condition, and decided that the best thing to get your mind off of things was to surprise you on your birthday.

They brought your favorite food with them and decorated the party with your favorite colors. It was unexpected and you even apologized to everyone for causing them trouble. The night made happy that night and finally be able to smile for the first time in months. All was going well until everyone decided to go outside and take a group photo. Yuta popped out of nowhere and started dragging you away. You were crying and begging him to let you go but he insisted that he needs to talk to you and it wouldn’t take a while.

All hell broke loose. The guys rushed outside to intervene. Sophie’s then boyfriend (now husband), was a big, strong man and was able to grab him by the collar and beat the living crap out of him right in front of you. The sudden violence made you cry harder than earlier. There was nothing that you can do besides watch as everything go down. Both the police and the paramedics came right after and disturbed the whole neighborhood.

That day was still, hands-down, the most awful day of your life. The memory was so horrifying that your birthday is doomed for life. Nobody ever tried to do something for your birthday again, as per your wishes.

You strike yourself as lucky that you don’t have to go to a psychiatrist or drink meds anymore to sleep. Flashbacks make you shake a little bit, but at least that’s manageable. You cannot say the same thing about meeting Yuta once again.

///

“Here’s your stop. I’m sorry I couldn’t drop you off by Y/N’s apartment. The street was small and it would be difficult to turn the van around.”

“It’s totally fine. Walking won’t hurt me.”

Taeyong grabbed his duffel bag and his guitar from the backseat and steps outside the vehicle. He waved at them goodbye before the van went back to the road. He adjusted the straps of his guitar case and duffel bag so he can carry them both comfortably as he begins to walk towards your place.

It was eerily quiet at that time and something just didn’t feel right. He tried to shake the feeling off and increasing his walking pace. It didn’t take long before he can see the building from a distance.

He didn’t know if he was just imagining things but he could’ve sworn that he saw a dark figure lurking in the darkness surrounding your apartment. He muttered a series of curses made a run for it.

///

Your thoughts were interrupted when you thought you heard footsteps coming from outside your house. You were jolted awake and started going into panic. Your heart pounded so much that you can hear it ringing through your ears. You forced yourself to not mind the sound and convinced yourself that you’re just imagining it.

You felt your heart drop as you heard the front door opening and swung slowly. You can definitely hear footsteps just right outside your door. That’s impossible. You locked every single entrance that night. Mind is getting a bit hazy at this point from hyperventilating. Despite this, you grabbed anything that you can get your hands on and decided to face the intruder head on.

You opened your bedroom door just started wielding the thing you are holding at whoever it is that’s outside. You heard a loud thud at the ground and a guy squirming in place.

“Oh shit.”

You quickly realized who it is and threw the blunt object away, now realizing that it’s a tripod. You kneeled down right in front of him and started panicking again. This time, it’s for a whole other reason.

“Oh my god, Taeyong. Are you okay?”

---

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Anatomy Review 17x3

A truly emotional episode, also Where the heck was Dr Perez, I missed you come back.

___________________________________________

(Meredith Grey)

The belle of the ball for this episode, Meredith. Hasn't she been through enough? They were plenty of other doctors who haven't been tortured yet. But then again without her getting Covid we probably wouldn't have been treated to the Derek scene and possible cameos from other beloved characters. I loved every bit of the scenes on the beach even though I found myself wishing she would pass out some more so I could get even more Derek scenes, I mean you can't blame me they even played the MerDer song, but at the same time I was glad she couldn't get to him stay out of his arms Mer, you can't die no matter how much I want to witness a merder hug or kiss. It hurt my heart to see how broken everyone was, especially for Webber and Bailey who have both had to see her on the verge of death and pull her back from the brink of death way too many times. Ellis is adorable I hope she has many more scenes to come in future episodes and how cute is her nickname Ellie Belly. And she definitely did the right thing giving Webber her POA, he knows when to let go but will still fight like hell if he knows there's a chance of you living.

The scene with McWidow and her was adorable as well, my shipping levels for the two of them have gone up some more as well, but I did think it was too soon for him to be offering to be her POA if he wasn't just joking because I'll admit I wasn't sure if he was serious or not but after knowing her for such a short while not to mention his feelings that are beyond the friendly level for her, he would have done the extraordinary measures that Meredith wouldn't really want to try to save her. He's already invested.

The scenes with her and Richard were so wholesome he was the father she never had. He has loved and supported her from the beginning, their relationship is strong and one built on trust and hes right we do need Meredith Grey. The scene with Bailey was cute as well how she came to talk about changing her POA but switched to talking about her super risky surgery while practically on the verge of tears instead when she saw the previous conversation was making Meredith nervous.

Then there's Amelia and Maggie who have also been sitting on the edge of their seats praying for her to be alright. Wish I'd seen more scenes with the three sisters interacting a bit but the ones we did get were heartfelt and heartwarming.

On an unrelated note when she was trying to get to Derek but face planted into the sand instead was hilarious girl fell like a starfish.

___________________________________________

Tom Koracick

Not gonna lie for a good chunk of this episode I was started to dislike Tom. I love his character for some weird reason but at times his less than flattering attitude gets irritating, but then I realized that he has to be going through some stuff right now between the whole Teddy and Owen and him situation, the $100000 in booties incident and then he was fired from his job as chief of all chiefs. It's been a rough time for him and while that definitely does not excuse what he did to the new doctors it did make me a little more sympathetic to his rude attitude especially when he confessed to Richard that he didn't think he was a good teacher. And then the ultimate kick when you're down he received the news that he had Covid from literally the worst person they could have sent at that time.

Now don't get me wrong Koracick is a douche and all but he definitely is not going to get the same care that Meredith is getting, but Owen just told him to head home and stay there I know he's A symptomatic and all but even they can develop lung damage from Covid and he has no one there who really cares for him like that and will more than likely have to recover on his own without someone there to check up on him and he definitely doesn't have the same drive to live. Why can't he also have a hospital bed. Keep the same energy for everyone you're all on the same team at this point. When will everyone finally accept him into the club, this isn't the first time someone in that hospital has cheated.

Moving on to other things, I'm so excited to hear him say that he has to get over Teddy because he really does, especially because in the end Teddy is probably going to choose Owen, it's always Owen, but I'm not crossing my fingers about him staying away from her this time, because I've heard him say it before and now with him having Covid I think Teddy is going to be that one person who will visit him so she's not staying away from him anytime soon.

Might just be me but I'm sensing something might happen between him and the doctor that told him off earlier. Idk that's usually how most relationships on Grey's starts with the doctor offending the new comer but IDK.

___________________________________________

Owen

Is currently ignoring Teddy as he should be. She's just trying to talk to him as though nothing happened. The way he delivered that news to Koracick though could have been done better. I know he hates Tom right now but he could be a little more sympathetic he literally just told the man he has a life threatening disease and just said it like I know you have a flu that can kill you but go home and stay away from people, as though he has a common cold or a simple flu. This is someone who is a doctor who works with you saving lives in a pandemic and sure you don't have to like him but you do have to be on his team. Owen has cheated twice and yes this time it happened to him and yes he has a right to be pissed but have some compassion man.

___________________________________________

Teddy

Needs to stay away from Tom she only really attempted to talk to him after Owen gave her the cold shoulder, and she surely can't expect him to forget everything that happened so quickly and move on as though none of it ever happened. And like I said earlier she should let go of Tom and let him move on because at this point we all know she's going to pick Owen, it's always been Owen. I know I said at one point she should be with Tom but right now that feeling is gone I really don't think they're right for each other as much as I did before. And lastly I need her to figure herself out because she's treating the real MVP here and if she let's Anything happen to Meredith Grey after she survived the unimaginable she's going to have the whole hospital on her back and I will be mentally killing her as well because no boo not my Meredith.

___________________________________________

Richard Webber

Is now Meredith's POA and as I said earlier I couldn't agree more, hes the best person for the job. And I'm so happy for him being the chief of chiefs he seems genuinely happy again and I'm also happy that Koracick handed the job of training the doctors to him again because the man's right. Training the doctors is a gift and Richard surely has that gift. Enjoyed seeing him bring the doctors into the operating theater and giving the speech, it's been a while.

___________________________________________

Jo Wilson

Has really been having the work piled on her recently between Meredith having Covid and the mess of the pandemic itself she's been buried in work, and I'm so proud of her finally looking like a true grown attending in my eyes and she's doing great. The way she's been looking at babies of lately is adorable, I'm wondering which line they're intending to take her down with her new found love of babies. She doesn't have that much of a plot at the moment which is a good thing because at the moment having a plot includes having a positive Covid test.

___________________________________________

Bailey

Is seeing her last remaining duckling near death and is torn up about it. She sounded near tears when she was talking to her about the POA issue. She doesn't really have that much of a plot either which is especially good in her case because the Plot includes Covid and she actually has a preexisting heart problem so it would be very unlikely that it would work out in her favor. Watching her pride at seeing Richard doing his press conference was nice even though at first it seemed like she was a little upset about him being her boss again but she'll get over it.

___________________________________________

Deluca

Was seen way too little with Meredith in this episode they even gave Mcwidow time with her Deluca was only there for work which I found ridiculous, yes he had that one scene where he was grilling Teddy but that's not enough. That love triangle between him Mcwidow and Meredith is being formed as we speak. On another note I'm so glad to see him back to work again and healthy again and he's an attending I might have missed it but does he have a specialty because I've been trying to pinpoint it and I can't is it cardio? I guess I'll figure it out eventually.

___________________________________________

Maggie

Is understandably panicking she can't be Meredith's doctor because not only is she her sister but she is way too involved. When she asked Teddy of she was alright enough to work Meredith's case broke me. The pain in her voice and face, she feels so much and has been crying the whole episode, Thank God for Winston, he's been an anchor for her. I can't wait until they're able to be with each other physically instead of just talking on the screen. I wish them the best of luck.

___________________________________________

Jackson

Carrying on the work and teachings of Mark Sloan, and just existing really no plot at the moment as it has been for a while, and we weren't even blessed with Harriet this time but there was Ellis so I'll allow it.

___________________________________________

Link

Being a good boyfriend and father as usual. Hes so sweet, thoughtful and caring.

He also does not have a plot other than being a kickass partner and father and he better not have a plot any time soon either.

Amelia

Currently is just being a great mother and aunt with jo other plots which I am also happy for because it means neither of my babies are in the Covid plot circle so far, they're safe for now. Amelia seems so happy. I'm glad for her hope her joy can continue but knowing Grey's it probably isn't going to last for too much longer.

[cilliankelly]

text 📱 cillian & jude.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @judetaylorhq

When: january 13th

Mentions: @robinscnfm (briefly)

Description: jude and cillian discuss the future and cillian lashes out. they argue, cillian gets very self hatey, and jude helps cillian start planning for the future. 

Trigger Warnings: very self hatey, angst 

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

guess who woke up before noon today

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I'm so proud of you, pretzel boy.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i’m already looking forward to my afternoon nap

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

well i guess there's no need for me to get a cat

can you check the mail today?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

sure, you expecting something?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

just some bills, i just forgot the last few days

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

gross, okay yeah, can do

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

any hot plans for today?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don’t know, i’m not usually awake this early. i should probably make the most of it, huh?

maybe i’ll try to teach myself a new skill. i’ve never been able to whistle with my fingers? maybe i’ll work on that today.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

a guy who can whistle and get the whole rooms attention is always hot tbh

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

how’s work?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

pretty slow today, but i was catching up on paperwork.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i thought the whole point of getting a hands on job was to avoid paperwork

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

well, now that i'm probably taking over the business, i have to do all the boss stuff.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

well, aren’t you so grown up

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

yeah yeah, shut up

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

so when you do start running things, i mean, are you gonna be even busier than you already are?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I dont know. i'll be busy, but a different kind of busy since i won't be going on jobs as much.

i'll have steadier hours

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

that’ll be nice

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

look i know this isn't...your dream.

i don't expect you to just love all these plans.

but i don't want to be poor as shit my whole life. i want to make something of myself, i want to be someone important and respected.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

no. i get it. who wouldn’t want that.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

but that doesn't mean i'm gonna change.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

sure. you just want a better situation than what you currently have. cause who wouldn’t want more than this, right?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Cillian.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

save it

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

You know what, no.

It's actually kind of fucked up that you're content with having nothing, and being looked down on by the world because of where we were born and how fucked up our parents our.

ellie and i, we have goals and plans and dreams, and you just...don't and that fucking scares me cillian.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

well maybe you should go find someone like ellie who shares your fucking lust for life, then. clearly i’m holding you back.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

you're not holding /me/ back. you're holding yourself back.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

you sound like a fucking therapist.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

you need a fucking therapist.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fuck off

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

get help, cillian.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

don’t tell me what to do

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

fine.

but honestly? it's gets fucking tiring being your fucking parent, cillian.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

well finally. i was a burden to everyone else, i was wondering when i was gonna be one for you too.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

don't.

i'm not everyone else.

i've been with you since day one, jackass.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

but its different now isn’t it? i live rent free in your apartment because i don’t have a job. i need help with basic fucking tasks because i still can’t fucking walk right. i don’t have any health insurance to speak of so you had to spend i don’t even know how much on my fucking surgery. because of something stupid i did because things were getting too comfortable.

i don’t blame you, who wants to put up with that?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

it just seems like you intentionally don't plan for the future so that you can bail at anytime without consequences.

but there will be consequences if you bail this time, cillian. because my heart can't take that.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it’d be so much easier if you didn’t love me. if i didn’t love you.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

It'd be so much easier if you loved yourself.

Me loving you isn't what's making this so hard.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don’t know how to do that. it’s so hard, jude

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

And yet...loving you is the easiest thing I've ever felt.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fuck.

i don’t think anyone has ever loved me like you do. and it scares me. but i love you so much.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

it scares me that it feels like you're not planning on being around for the long haul.

is a future with me really such a horrible thought that you can't get a job. or try to think of some way of being productive for the rest of your life?

is a future with me, such a nightmare? is being happy and living in a nice house and having a fucking dog like...the worst thing you've ever heard?

i mean i guess it is, since you tried to kill yourself after the topic came up.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fuck, you don’t think i fucking want those things? i do, i want them so much that it hurts. but i know myself. and i know that at some point i’m gonna fuck it up. and i can’t handle losing all of that, of losing you, i can’t do that.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

we all fuck up cillian. the difference is we face our fuck ups instead of immediately dipping.

and it's not like you've made any effort towards a future in the last four years.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

listen i know my quality of life was shit. i had the same dead end job since high school until i physically couldn’t. my home life was a fucking nightmare. i have a high school diploma but even that came two years late. i’m a fucking loser. but i had things figured out. i knew what to expect. i could manage.

but then there was you. you encouraging me, loving me, fuck, being proud of me? no one had ever been proud of me before. and now everything’s changed. i don’t know what to expect. and thinking about the future, it fucking scares me. i didn’t know that i wanted so many things and it’s scary thinking that i might never have them. that i’ll mess them up.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

You're gonna have them all.

I am proud of you. But it hurts too.

The way you see yourself, it hurts me.

We don't see the same guy.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i wish i saw what you saw in me.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Let me help.

We have a good thing going here.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

okay. okay yeah. we do.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

You know there's a lot of options for you out there. We're going to find you something. And you're gonna kick ass. Because when you actually set your mind to something I've seen you fight for it. That stubbornness is gonna get you far, baby.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

thank you. i know it would be really easy to give up on me. but thank you for not doing that.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Giving up on you would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, Cil. You're fucking part of me. You always have been.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i really don’t deserve you. but i love you so much

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Shut up. I'm not some fucking saint.

I'm your best fucking friend dumbass

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

and you always will be. you’re stuck with me, fucker.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Exactly. I don't really have a choice in the matter.

But... I do think you'll feel happier and more content if you found a path forward.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

okay. i know that you’re right. and i want to try. i want to be better. it just gets hard sometimes.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I know.

Do one thing for me today?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

what’s that?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Make a list of your dream jobs. Like even the stupid unrealistic ones.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

okay, i can do that

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I'll be home early

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

maybe i’ll have some takeout waiting for you when you get home

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I love you, Kelly.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i love you too, taylor.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Make that list!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

on it!

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

I put astronaut cowboy on my original list so, no wrong answers babe

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

you would have made such a hot cowboy

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

😏

[murasaki-murasame]

I honestly wasn’t planning to summon for Gala Thor at first, since I want to focus on saving for stuff like the end of year holiday banners, but he ended up looking really strong and also I want to make Tartarus less of a miserable slog to get through with my light units in any way possible, without resorting to ‘haha dark characters go brr :)’, so here we are, lol.

Results under the cut [plus some of my thoughts about the new Tartarus fight]

I started with about 260 summons saved up [which is part of why I wanted to skip it, since I prefer to have at least 300 summons before pulling on a banner], but in just 60 summons I got:

-Ramona dupe [one day I’ll get Gala Elly . . . ]

-Dupe Liger [now at either 1UB or 2UB, I can’t remember which]

-Dupe Pazuzu and Simurgh [they’re both now MUB so that’s nice, even though I don’t use them, lol]

-Ramiel x2 [I don’t really care much about him one way or another since I have other good shadow dragons but it’s nice to have him]

-Gala Thor

At first I was a bit disappointed by Gala Thor, since he gives a base 50% strength and an additional 45% bonus strength based on your energy stacks, which seemed kinda lame compared to Mars, but it turns out that having just one energy stack gives you a bonus 25% strength, with the other stacks giving an extra 5% each, so basically you almost always have 75% strength, which is really nice, and I think at least puts him at par with Daikokuten.

Also apparently his damage mods when shapeshifted, including his dragon skill, are super high, so he works really nicely with someone like Gala Euden, who I’ve basically ended up maining against Tartarus. 

It’ll be a while before the DPS sim updates, but I think Thor’s probably gonna have a pretty big impact on how strong the light roster is, so that’s neat.

Though tbh I think a lot of people are still gonna end up just using shadow units against Tartarus, even if Thor helps bridge the gap between light and shadow units a bit. Which is it’s own whole problem with the game’s balance, lol. I think if they just gave Tartarus poison immunity, that’d probably be enough to actually make everyone use light units in the fight, but I still feel like they need to give endgame bosses way higher off-element damage resistance.

I haven’t managed to get many clears of Tartarus yet, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about the fight. I’m happy to finally have a relevant piece of content to use my light units in, and I like most of the mechanics in the fight, but a lot of it doesn’t really work well in practice, and there’s some really annoying parts of the fight too. Mainly the fact that they decided to keep the enervation mechanic from Void Nidhogg, lol. I quit doing that fight as soon as the shadow Chimera came out specifically because it makes that fight such a goddamn slog, and it continues to be just as awful in Tartarus. And they somehow made it even worse by deciding to give it to you unavoidably at least once in the fight. At least in Void Nidhogg you could dodge everything and never get enervated, but you have to deal with it at least once in this fight.

Also, the whole portal mechanic is extremely cool, and I hope they experiment with more stuff like this in the future, but I feel like every time I go back to the main arena, I have like I have to immediately try and figure out which part of the fight I walked back in on, and usually I have like two seconds to react before one of the screen-wide attacks happens and kills me. It’s really disorienting, lol.

The prison mechanic in general is also kinda hard to wrap my head around, and I feel like it requires maybe a bit more team coordination than is reasonable to expect from a game like this, but really I think it’s just my punishment for never doing High Zodiark, since I think it’s one of the many parts of this fight that are really similar to that fight, and I have absolutely no experience with any of them.

Anyway, now that Tartarus is out it’s making me think back on the Agito bosses as a whole, before we move into the 2nd anniversary where we’ll probably at least get a hint at the next phase of endgame content, and in spite of the various issues I have with them, I think the Agito fights are a huge improvement over the High Dragon fights. You can really tell how Cygames [for better or worse] was trying to shake things up and figure out how to make engaging endgame fights, and for the most part I think it worked out.

The difficulty balance between all the fights [especially counting the Master fights] is kinda all of the place, like how eKai is extremely easy while eAO and eTart are kinda obnoxiously long and difficult if you do them in the intended ways, but I think that at least shows how they kept trying new things. mKai’s also apparently a lot harder than eKai [though I haven’t tried it], so they clearly learnt from the feedback they got from that.

I think Volk and Ciella are probably my favourite of the Agito fights at the moment, for different reasons. Volk feels really well-balanced for the current state of the flame roster, and has mechanics that require a degree of cooperation and coordination without being overly punishing like Tartarus kinda feels at the moment. And on the other hand, I really like Ciella’s fight because it feels like it’s just at the right level of difficulty for me to be able to reliably do by myself. At least on manual. I’ve never really managed to get auto solo to work, but I enjoy doing it manually. Either way, it’s nice to have endgame fights like this that can be comfortably soloed if you have a strong enough team, and I really like how for Ciella you have to build a really tanky, defense-oriented team in order to be able to solo it. I feel like 90% of the game basically punishes you for trying to do anything other than raw damage-dealing, so I really appreciate that Ciella is designed in a way that rewards you for making tanky team comps. It also lets Sylas be genuinely meta for something, which I’m grateful for, and it gave Templar Hope some redemption after he was initially deemed as being kinda worthless after he came out.

I also like how status effects are integrated into the fight mechanics, and [for the most part] both status resistances for each element feel like they have a purpose in their Agito fight. Compared to HDTs where it feels like every element roster is split between ‘units that are good for the fight’ and ‘units that are immediately handicapped’. This is actually one part where I think Tartarus works really well as a boss fight, since unless you can kill him before the poison portals happen, you really need a poison-res character to deal with them.

We still have three more of the Master fights to come out, but either way I really like the Agito fights, and I’m optimistic for whatever the next set of endgame content will be. Personally, I’m still hoping for them to build upon the Imperial Onslaught mode, since that feels like an almost obsolete part of the game, but that sort of wave-based content would be nice to have for endgame co-op.

Also, I still really hope that the Agito bosses end up being DL’s version of the Eternals/Evokers from GBF, where we can eventually get the ability to recruit them as playable characters by doing lots of grinding. They might just get released as gala units instead, but I’d prefer it if they were obtainable through grinding.

On the one hand they’re basically all villains, but on the other hand the recent story chapter made it pretty obvious that they’re probably all being warped and twisted by the masks Nedrick gave them, so it’d be pretty easy to explain how they could eventually be recruited. Also GBF has it’s own share of characters who probably shouldn’t be recruitable for moral reasons but they still are, lol.

Also when you fight them in-game it already looks like they have the same sorts of character model rigs as normal adventurers, and their attack animations all seem at least roughly based on regular weapon types [Volk being a lance unit, Kai Yan being an axe unit, Ciella being a bow unit, Ayaha/Otoha being dagger units, and Tartarus being a blade unit], so I feel like it wouldn’t be hard to make them playable. Ayaha/Otoha would probably be the hardest one to make work unless they get released as two separate characters, but it’s possible that they’d be a unique case where you use them both in combat at the same time, and switch between which one you’re actively controlling. 

It’s probably a bit too early for any of this to happen since the Agito have basically only just gotten introduced in the main story, so it probably won’t be touched upon for the 2nd anniversary, but I still think it’ll happen eventually.

Anyway, all that aside, at the moment I’m basically just gonna keep saving my summons for either a rerun of Gala Elly/Alex, or the holiday banners. In particular I really want to do lots of summons on the New Years banner. I know we’re gonna have Gala Zena or something next month for the anniversary, but if it’s anything like last year we’ll get lots of free summons during her banner, so I’ll at least wait and see how that works out before I spend any resources chasing her.

I also don’t really care much for Nevin and Pinon so even though I didn’t get them, I’m just gonna quit on this banner while I’m ahead, lol

[being-worthy]

The Last of Us Part II – Adding my two cents to the game - Part 2

MORE MAJOR TLOU II SPOILERS AHEAD!!

I’m now where you’ve to play Addy Abby (why the hell do I always call/write ‘Addy’?) and where she found Ellie and Tommy in the theatre and shot Jessie... he didn’t deserve to die, he was too good of a friend.

It then cuts back to a few minutes (maybe hours) to when Joel and Ellie make it to the hospital in the 1st game - to another obnoxious long episode where you play as Abby ¬¬...

She and her dad save a zebra, which is all nice and good, although don’t bother to go after it and make sure to treat the wound, so we don’t know if it actually survived. Later, we see her dad talking to Marlene - again he’s not sure he can develop a vaccine or cure - and when Marlene is about to leave the room, she says to him she’s going to tell Joel about the procedure, he asks her ‘why?’ this already shows to me that he’s a major a**hole. >Another thing, they could’ve been more tactful when they told Joel what would be done to Ellie but nah, why bother with being tactful, it’s the apocalypse and overrated...< At the same time, Abby has heard EVERYTHING they talked about, even that Joel was with Ellie all the time and travelled with her around half the country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But she was totally cool with what they were about to do to the girl and even told her own dad ‘if it was me, I’d want you to open me up’. Girl, just because you’re cool with it and would be ready to sacrifice your life, doesn’t mean that another dad would go and sacrifice his daughter (blood related or not) too. Besides, her father’s death was quick compared to Joel’s, so she had no right to do what she did.

I’ve to say that Abby is too bulky build for the apocalypse. I don’t care if women have lots of muscles or not, it’s their body and we can do with our body what we want. But it’s the freaking (post-)Apocalypse and it takes a lot to maintain your body like that, even for men! Doesn’t matter if you’ve a fully equipped gym at the stadium, that’s only half of what you need to keep your body in such a shape!!!! Moreover, it’s a bit harder for women to gain so much muscle and keep it because we’ve got a different metabolism than men - that’s a fact. I’m not being sexist here or anything like it. I just doubt you’d have the necessary nutrients/food available in such a world to keep a body like that on point and at all times!! Especially if you live with many other people, food would be limited and rationed at all times!!!! Genes is also factor but still, with time and not proper nutrients your muscles don’t stay like that for long.

This made the game a bit less realistic, and I loved how realistic it was until now, how complex Ellie’s personality is and how she reacts with every WLF member she eliminates, how fanatic the scars and WLF are, etc. That was/is a major disappointment.

Skip to where Abby, Manny, and Mel are heading out. - A little side note: Manny is a man-whore, period, and he’s annoying and hope he doesn’t live long. - Mel is a f*cking doctor???!!! And she was part of what she, Abby, and the others did to Joel, go to hell girl!!! You shouldn’t be calling yourself doctor but butcher or animal. I honestly, would refuse to let any of those so called ‘doctors’ treat me if I had a wound. And yeah, she has some mild regrets but she was still fully onboard with the Abby’s plan.

Furthermore, they really let a highly pregnant woman tag along for duty/patrol outside of the stadium? They’re not going to a place that is just about an hour or so away, no... it’s days maybe even weeks away from their base. I know that every pregnancy is different and pregnant women aren’t disabled and probably I’d crazy too if I stayed locked in a place for far too long, but still. There are many many other ways she could be useful or do something more active. Would you really let her out where there are clickers, runners, bloaters, scars, etc.?! Not only it’s an extremely high risk for the woman and her baby but for the others too. Dina is not so far along in her pregnancy and we saw that she can’t go on more even if she wanted to, she became a liability for Ellie but she loves her still went with her - I know every pregnancy is different, but still. Mel could become a liability for Manny and Mel (not that I’d care much, honestly) but the fact that Manny or whoever is giving orders there (like that Isaac guy who I haven’t seen in the game yet) wouldn’t think something like ‘she’s a doctor we might need her here’ or ‘it’s too risky for her, we need to keep our future kids save (at least until the baby is born’, just anything. This just shows how little the WLF give about people’s lives or lives in general, and don’t even how to proper coordinate. Even if someone would get hurt, a doctor wouldn’t be able to do much out there. I don’t think you’d find easily a sterile room and I’m sure there’s a whole big room in the stadium nor would they’ve all the necessary equipment to perform a surgery. Besides, I’m also sure that everyone in such a world and going regularly on patrol would know the basics about first aid and on how to stop a bleeding and keep the person alive until they make it to a doctor. If not, then why would you even bother to go out there, you’d be just a moron. Even I know first aid kit and what and what not to do if someone is bleeding and/or has something stuck in their body (e.g. big glass shard or similar) that’s causing the bleeding and we’re not even living in the apocalypse (yet).

This seems to be the longest sequence of Abby and I can’t wait for it to be over.

More might follow.

[likefromtheoffice]

What I Had To Do - TLoUII SPOILERS

I started feeling compelled to write a deep reflection on The Last of Us Part II when it became clear I was going to be playing as Abby for quite some time. Like everyone else, I imagine, I had made up my mind about Abby almost immediately. She would die, and I would be the one to do it. I didn’t want to play as Abby, I wanted to not move the controller and just have her die. But the game makes the choices here. 

Of course, knowing Naughty Dog and expecting the level of quality I did from this game, there was certainly a reason we were slated to spend so much time with her. While I ultimately came to respect this choice, it was plain to see that the game was going to attempt to change our minds about Abby, to show us how she came to be the person she is and how she was driven to do the things she had done. For this reason, I was not engaged in Abby’s story. Because, like I said, I’d already made up my mind. 

The brilliantly-handled revelation of her father being the surgeon the player is forced to kill in the first game was enough to fully humanize this woman who, in the space after she kills Joel up until she is hoisted in the Seraphite noose is surely the most viciously despised character on Playstation. Even though I kept the difficulty low in order to breeze through her portion of the story, I admittedly did eat my words: “If they can change my mind about Abby, I’ll be shocked.” My mind was changed just about as much as Abby’s heart changed throughout her ~10 hours of game time. She ends up doing almost exactly what Joel does for Ellie for a very similar reason, although Lev’s brain can’t save the world.

When I found Abby at the Pillars, I had already decided that if the game were to give me the option to press Square to kill Abby or circle to let her live, I’d smash the circle button. When Ellie says “I can’t let you leave,” I thought to myself, “yes, let’s actually do let her leave, but we probably should fuck her up a little bit, right?” Fuck her up we did, but of course the game isn’t base enough to trivialize the story it’s told over 20+ hours by letting you funnel out all your rage with a button press, completely destroying Ellie’s and Lev’s lives with a single click.

So ultimately, Abby’s segment shows us a lot about the world we’re living in inside this game, and the metaphor of warring clans with their own agendas and perspectives very directly reflects the distilled personal motivations behind Abby’s and Ellie’s actions. I said a hundred times that Abby’s section was too long, and I think I’d drastically shorten the first act. I don’t think we needed to stroll through the base and see kids taking classes in an attempt to humanize and raise the stakes for her. When we’re forced to play as her, we are not interested in what is happening. You could start with information about Owen and the coming attack on the Island. A lot of Abby’s section felt like Druckmann knowing that we need more hours for $60. But this may have been because until Lev’s mother dies in her cabin, I still wanted to watch her die.

This is where it all changed for me, except for the feeling that her segment was still too long. One thing this segment does perfectly and to hopefully great and continued effect, is to show us--more than the game already has--that LGBTQI+ stories are now a part of our human experience, and these people will be in the stories we tell. And it won’t be a fucking big deal. “Do you want me to ask about it?” “No.” 

I was able to stay almost entirely blind to the promotional materials for Part II. When I started the game at 11pm CST, I knew only that there was a guitar, there was a fight in a shopping area, and there was a real bad person cutting a hanging guy’s stomach open. I was also able to avoid anyone’s conjecture about the game, but in seeking the opinions of others after I’d completed it, I’ve discovered the bizarre criticisms about the narrative. Namely, being forced to play as Abby for so long and having “social issues” shoved in their face when they’re “just trying to play the game.” I had a problem with the Abby segment even after I began to see its purpose, but eventually it cracked me open in the way it intended. In making me do the things she’d done, I was of course forced to fully realize her perspective from the moment we’re put over her shoulder instead. But the latter issue is what bothers me to no end, and it’s upsetting that we’re still here as gamers.

If someone has a problem with Ellie’s sexuality or coming of age, Dina’s sexuality, Lev’s gender identity, or the fact that all our main characters are women, then the only hope I have for that player is that they might see themselves in Seth. Seth is the physically oldest character we see in the game, and he is the only character who has any problem with what he’s seeing. He’s alone in his bigotry and he is weak. He will die very soon and he will do nothing meaningful before then, aside from being forced to make free steak sandwiches for those he has hurt by those who are in power and do not take his side. If this hypothetical--although very real--player fails to make this revelation and turn this corner, if that person still disapproves of the story being told, my question to them would be: “did you accidentally buy this when you meant to download Call of Duty: Warzone?” If you’re not playing the game for the story, you should just play a game where you’re always shooting things. If you are playing the game for the story and you have a problem with the story, also fuck off to Call of Duty. I use Call of Duty here because it’s mainstream and not objectionable and you are holding the trigger through most of the game where the story doesn’t matter if you don’t want it to, not because I have a problem with its playerbase or the games themselves.

The dissent I still cling to is that it’s difficult to ratchet intensity upward and keep motivation high when you know the character has to survive because you’ve seen a future piece of the story--especially when you don’t want them to survive. This was most sharply upsetting when I was still playing as Abby after she shoots Jesse and Tommy in their heads. I felt like tossing the controller and quitting. The only reason I can think of for this choice is that the trope of unwinnable fights in games exposes the guts therein. For me, though, this exposed them even more. I would rather have tried very hard to kill Abby and then have her overpower me with those cannon arms and watch the devastating Dina scene play out. It’s what I wanted just then, and was undoubtedly what Ellie wanted. This would have aligned me more with her, the character who I would still side with instantly and unquestionably. It was so strange to fight Ellie’s AI, particularly because the computer does not play her like I do, and for the only portion in the entire game, she was not human. I understand what this rigid perspective attempts to illustrate, but the choice still puzzles me greatly. 

While I am still able to see why the game did it and why it was necessary, there was no way I was ever going to care about the Jackson Crew. This made playing with Manny and Mel very frustrating. Owen’s meta-perspective philosophizing about how none of the clans are actually any different from each other was interesting, but it was not touched on for very long, and now seems to only have been there to benefit Abby’s journey toward her own perspective-altering events. I see this as the only other true failing of the game, although I don’t have any idea how it could’ve been done differently. Aside from being shorter.

            The reason everyone hates playing as Abby is because very few narratives have ever fully explored the other side of a conflict, and for us to be forced to see that, to play as The Bad Guy for so long, is something we’re absolutely going to hate for a long time. It does, or it should if you’re paying attention, eventually do exactly what it’s supposed to do. When Abby becomes human, we can then say that we’ve experienced the story up to that point. We are almost never shown this, much less forced to do it. 

Another thing I’m stuck on but can’t suss out is the theme of pregnancy and innocence. Of course, an unborn baby is completely innocent even in an overgrown hellscape. Where this is most effectively employed is when the knife is at Dina’s throat. “Good.” Maybe the most terrifying line in the whole pair of games. It shows us the depth of hatred these women have fallen to, and how, like the player controlling Joel or Ellie or Abby in parts I and II, when we have to survive, it doesn’t matter what’s going on in anyone else’s life. If we feel someone has wronged us, we take everything from them and don’t consider the consequences. This game does show us our own actions very plainly, and the ultimate consequence could not have been more beautifully shown than in the final chronological scene in Part II. In following her own anger--combined with Tommy’s--she has damaged her connection to the very reason she followed it. She cannot play the song she shared with Joel without wounds appearing in the music itself. 

Ultimately, the story told here is about violence. Why, how, and when it is employed, the unexpected casualties thereof, and how it changes the world for everyone connected to it. Love, hate, survival, revenge, and so many more. Joel protecting Ellie ended a lot of lives--starting as duty and perverting into misguided redemption and love. Abby avenging her father ended a lot of lives--starting as revenge and ending as duty and love. The cyclical implication is very clear as we come to blows between the two rowboats, although it is--like many other gigantic story moments--masterfully left un-hinted-at. If Ellie were to have held Abby under the water for a minute more and Lev were to survive somehow, we’d have ourselves a Part III for almost the same reason which started us down the troubling path of Part II. Can you imagine Ellie looking into the boat at a broken and unconscious Lev? Would she have felt something similar to looking over the bars of JJ’s crib?

What a lot of games don’t bother to explore is what violence takes away from those who employ it, no matter the reason for their doing so. When Ellie walks away from the farmhouse where her family used to live, leaving the last object connecting her to Joel there at the window, I was devastated, as I’m sure we all were and as I’m sure the storytellers intended. Through the deeply troubled feeling Naughty Dog left me with, I was searching for meaning, like Ellie was after seeing those giraffes: “After all we’ve been through. Everything that I’ve done. It can’t be for nothing.” What was it for? It seemed like it was going to be difficult to determine when the credits started to roll, but when it appeared to me, I was embarrassed it had taken me so long to figure out. Everyone was led to their devastating conclusion by the same driving force: love.

There’s also been a fair bit of talk about how bleak the outcome is, and how hopeless everything seems. This observation comes down to how deeply we’re hit by Abby’s boat disappearing into the fog as we sit entirely alone, physically and emotionally less than we’ve been so far, and how the ending and outlook of the whole game isn’t really what we want right now because our world doesn’t need a lot of help in the bleak category. Of course we want everything to work out, and we are so used to video games giving us what we want. Tragedy doesn’t cater to the wants of the audience, and the weight of this tragedy is gargantuan. What a knee jerk dismissal of the story would rob you of is the incredible contrast. I finished the game eight days ago and I’ve probably watched the dance scene at least once per day since. How gorgeous. “Oh, Ellie…” says Dina. To feel this moment fully, knowing its the beginning of a beautiful thing that can’t last, is a gift rarely given to any audience or player. It does so much so deeply in 3.5 minutes. That scene in itself shows us that this isn’t what we’re used to, and the bit of Joel and Ellie’s interaction we get in that scene also demonstrates that the things we care most about are not okay right now. We were Joel more than Ellie in the first game and we protected her. We saved her. We want to continue to protect her.

But the decisions Joel made in the hospital guaranteed things would never be okay. What is it that these folks want from the ending? “You killed Abby! Congratulations! Ellie went on to found Joel Miller Memorial Research Center, where a cure was eventually reverse-engineered from a culture of bacteria extracted from Ellie’s intestine. Dina eventually forgave Ellie, and invited her to live with her and JJ inside the walls of Jackson where they dance, free from hatred and despair, every Thursday night.”

It’s hyperbolic, sure, but what a fucking waste that would be. What we have instead is a seemingly insurmountable sorrow which wraps around a glowing core of warmth and beauty which we’ve seen firsthand throughout both games, begging us to discuss and reflect and analyze and feel. Is the ending really entirely hopeless if Ellie puts down and leaves behind the guitar which attached her to Joel? I don’t know if she’s wearing or still has the watch, I’d have to see the cutscenes again. But she’s walking away from it, finally. What could she be walking toward?

Finally, there is one piece of storytelling after the credits, not a cutscene or a piece of text. The iconic title screen rowboat which we assume Ellie rides away in is replaced with its twin, dragged up onto the shore near Abby & Lev’s beached fishing boat. I’m having trouble putting what I believe this means into words that don’t sound too disgustingly sunny, but if Abby and Ellie, these two veritable destroyers are now free from the searing chains of revenge, and we’ve seen their allegiances shift and their hearts fundamentally changed, imagining the good they’re capable of isn’t too terribly difficult a task. That’s disgustingly sunny to even type out, but I believe it’s supported. It’s very clear that at this point, both parties deserve and have earned peace, inside and out.

[d00dt00nz]

Obligatory promo stuff at the top because it sucks and I hate it and let’s get it out of the way! follow me on twitter where I’m active, check me out on spotify for music, or like my facebook for sparse updates on music stuff. Thank you. The Cover art is by Ellie Tison

Okay!! Last song!!

Well, I say last song, but it's more like “last song”. There is one more song that I used as an epilogue, but I'm not going to get into that, and honestly if you've listened to 13 tracks without being sold (why would you do that?) one more track isn't going to sell you on it.

And would you look at that, the last song is a reprise of the first song. Wow, it's like Sgt Pepper... that's so cool. Now it makes sense why I didn't bother talking about that first song right? Not planned btw.

This song was one of the first songs I wrote for this album. I said this for a few. Truthfully I did four or so around the same time and they were all great. I had a few more tracks in the oven as well. Everything was going great. I was like “wow this album's gonna be done in no time!” Anyway that was like three or four years ago. I guess that's how these things tend to go.

This is back when I was trying to make a bit more of a straight ahead rock/indie rock sounding album. I'm pretty sure I wrote this song on guitar, lyrics and all, which is honestly (and sadly) pretty rare for me these days. I had this idea for repeated backing vocals and a call/response sort of song structure. I'm pretty sure this more energetic version of the song came first. I originally wanted a sort of Lou Reed feel to it, but once I wrote that groovy dancy bass riff it immediately lost that feel. Once I started recording electric guitars I accidentally did a grungy “brrroww” at the end of the phrase and really liked it. I replicated it throughout the track and in turn lost even more of that Lou Reed feel.

In my original recording process I had a damaged patchcord. I didn't realize it at first because I was trying out some new equipment. I just thought it was really quiet. That being the case, I had to turn it up way loud to get a good volume and that's actually where some of the guitar tone you can hear (mainly in the one playing a melody-line during the chorus) comes from. I actually really liked it, I thought it sounded like Pavement. Actually, my Tiff did too and that's probably the nicest thing she's ever said about any of my music.

At some point I added more guitar tracks to the track to make it sound fuller, and also replace some of the ones recorded with a broken patchcord. I honestly kinda liked the original tracks, which still had a little bit of that 70s glam grittiness to them, but I'm far too neurotic about this stuff to really sit with that. In the end it sounded less 70s and more mid 90s. It had a sound that I've actually been trying to get for a while, though not on this track – the sort of fuzzy swirling guitars with a groovy beat and bassline to it. Tiff described it as being “Like those music videos where everything is blue and everyone's got really baggy pants”, which, again, big compliment. I don't know if that one was actually a compliment, but I'll take what I can get.

The song had its genesis at that same party I mentioned last time. There's nothing specific really. We had my album on and it's got a pretty fun cool first half. The people there were enjoying it, but then it gets to the second half and it's a little bit more mopey. It's also completely sexless and uncool throughout. That being the case, one of the guys there was like

“Sorry Con-dog, the vibes are just not working with this right now,”

and I was like,

“Oh don't worry about it, I understand dude,”

And then he was like, “Right on man. I’m getting fucked vibes from those guys over there. Here, hit this for me.”

And then I did some coke off a Pulp Fiction VHS tape.

I thought to myself, “man it'd be nice to have music that you could put on at a party”. Which basically was the whole idea behind this album, conscious or not. I don't really know if it succeeded, but there's definitely a certain kind of party where this would play, and honestly I don't think I'd mind being at it.

The album was originally going to be more centered around the idea of the character described in this track. I mean, obviously he's me, but I'm trying to detach myself and make things a little more universal. I wanted to explore all the different traits and behaviors that this one person has. Some of them being mine, and some of them being not. Honestly, it didn't really pull through to the end. There's a little bit of that in here, but it's mostly just songs. I'm okay with that. They have some thematic cohesion. It's got this song bookending the album. Wow, it's like Sgt. Pepper.....

The ending is a little bit embarrassing for me because I do a bit of a scream voice, which, honestly I don't think there's anything actively wrong with it, I just cringe when I hear myself doing it because it's like “ah oh god I'm doing that”. I don't know. There's also the fact that, well, one of the things I yell is the word “Wasteman”, which is a little bit of an outdated slang right now, but when I actually recorded the song it wasn't. Whatever, this is an insanely white album from a white kid. I figure a lot of people who enjoy this type of music haven't actually heard that word. I wouldn't have, but I hang out with Tiff's cool friends sometimes. Honestly I think it's a cool term. I think the most embarrassing part though is I copy-pasted it so it repeats twice because I felt like I wanted more intensity. I don't think it's super noticeable, but the idea makes it a little disingenuous. During the outro I wanted to add a little more of that “90s blue and baggy” feel, so I plugged in a keyboard and freaked out on the organ setting. I think it really adds a lot.

The slower version of the song was written afterwards and I actually cheat because it uses some of the same midi tracks. I was super torn between the more exciting sound that I had and my original “vision” for the song, which was a bit more downtempo Lou-Reed inspired. I figured, why not do both?

There's not a whole lot to cover here that I haven't already covered. Mostly the backing vocals, but only because I think I did a worse job with them than the other version. There's nothing outwardly wrong with them per-se, but I think the blend is not good and that's gonna immediately stick out to some people. The middle section just kinda came about because the other version doesn't really have a proper chorus. It just has some guitar noodling. I played around with the chord progression of the middle chorus in the fast version and made something that was a bit more structured, then adapted a melody around it. Harmonies grew out of the melody. I felt like something was missing, so I took that same call and response idea from earlier and applied it here too. I really liked the interplay between the two vocal lines. The “Purify me” line was originally supposed to come up again and again throughout the album. One of the tracks that ALMOST made it would have been the song it was from, and then there would be callbacks to the melody throughout the album. It was kind of like a motif. That was unfortunately completely scrapped and this is the last trace of it. Maybe I'll work the idea into something I do in the future.

I like this song. I realized way too late that it massively rips off The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane. I guess that “Lou Reed inspired” idea was a little bit too literal. Fortunately I would say the middle section saves it from being too much of a copy. I think it's a good way to start and finish the album. I also like the thematic notions of this album starting with the same track it ends on. Like these things work in cycles and you're never truly free of your own quicksand. Like an Ouroboros eating its own tail, like Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. When one cycle ends, a new begins. The same, but slightly different – until it is completely undermined by the epilogue track that says “no this is actually the end”.

Hey congrats on making it through all of these entries! You may have only read this one, or even skipped to the end. If you did that, disregard that previous sentence and go back to read them. This album was the culmination of a lot of work and thought. 13 of these writeups was nothing compared to probably hundreds of hours spent working on this album, and probably thousands of hours thinking about it. I'm aware few people are reading these writeups, but it's honestly mostly my own indulgence. I gotta decompress this stuff and be free of this album. I can finally get rid of all this useless crap in my brain. I'll probably enjoy being able to go back and read this stuff once I've forgotten most of this, and once I've become a more mature person. I'll probably go “wow this shit is cringe. I can't believe he posted like 22 pages of cringe” but that's okay. The album's okay. I made for certain it was not, in fact, cringe before releasing it. And honestly I enjoyed writing these.

A part of me wants to get back to the freakish pace I had in like 2011 where this blog was nonstop content. I don't think it'd work so well in 2020 Tumblr because who even uses this site anymore? I think it's a little sad because it's pretty much the death of long form posting. Twitter is great because people pay attention to you, but sometimes I just want to write like two thousand words and have some psycho actually read them and respond to it. I think we've lost that on the internet. Sometimes I think of making youtube videos, but I'm no good in front of a camera. Sometimes I wonder, couldn't I just read something like this TO the camera? The answer is no, I can't. That'd be boring. I'm completely convinced nobody would watch that. I sometimes think that if I could add some editing and some visual component though, it'd work out. Some sort of... video essay. Some kind of... man with facial hair and left leaning politics who enjoys media and talks about both... Wow I wonder if that niche has been filled at all?

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Fanon characterization of the Calypso twins between me and The Wild West Pyro: 

We both have the strong sinking feeling that the twins are slowly going to lose it as the game goes on, so here’s our collaborated analysis of the two:

I’ll be in non-cool text, while The Wild West Pyro will be in italics, for easier distinction between us. [There will be slight edits and changes for cohesion]

“It would be pretty interesting if we found out the Calypsos/the cult started out with 'good intentions'.”

“Hell, you can see the populism kicking in there.What did the writers say? Ah. "Your poor bandits! You're kicked around and nobody likes you, but we can give you a purpose in life! We can make you feel appreciated and loved!" [This is a reference to the Danny Homan interview] Something of that line.”

“oh yeah! the twins are also providing them with food and weaponry. i mean i can see why a bandit desperate for something better would follow them.”

“I'm guessing how this goes: The Twins start off by winning people over by talking about how they want Pandora to be finally at peace after endless war and giving the bandits a new life where they're treated like actual people. Then once they've got enough people, they say that the Raiders have to go, the corporations have to go, with the Vaults seized the universe will see no more war. Actually, I'm predicting rn that they have a very, very cult-like end goal in terms of IRL parallels.What if they choose to "cleanse" the universe with whatever power Tyreen possesses? And once everything standing in their way is gone, they can create this ideal utopian peaceful universe where there's no corporations and no more fighting. Meanwhile the Eridians are panicking because they know it's a doomed plan and the Vaults do not work like that.”

“[this is very much a] large scale Opportunity situation. literally reverse uno card as to what jack was attempting”

“Yep. Paradise for the common man bandit. OTL parallels to what usually sparks communist revolutions or popular revolutions in general. So yeah, Tyreen could very easily justify herself in that she genuinely wants to bring peace to the universe, with all means necessary. Of course, internally, the Twins just want to be gods and play at being them and hold onto their power as absolute rulers presiding over an eternally-grateful populace.”

“definitely sounds like two teenage cult leaders to me ngl. i could see them not being too secure in themselves (behind the vvv confident personas they put on) and constantly second guessing themselves and reassuring that they're doing this for everyone's own good even as things just keep getting worse and worse. could [have] a tie-in to whatever tragic backstory they might have”

“Yep and yep. And there's this internal fear that they don't know what being a god entails, if they'll lose sense of who they are or not... but put that aside. All for the greater good! I'm actually thinking about this. People note that the Twins are basically streamer critiques, which is a yes. But if you want to take them to serious universe-spanning villain territory, I think that they'll absorb the knowledge from Elpis at one point. And they start to become more detached and more frightening, and a lot more eloquent as they really start becoming gods in the BL sense. While still being narcissistic attention whores who actually like killing people off with their powers but pretend to act benevolent. Essentially, you have the Greek Gods except there's two Zeuses, one is a girl and they've both got all of Zeus's worst traits cranked up to eleven.”

“oh god are they gonna dick everything that moves? oh no... cover ava's eyes! joking aside, that sounds accurate. especially given the borderlands universe loves to tie in its greek mythology. also also i am glad someone else agrees the twins are going to elpis. i refuse to believe they'd destroy it/blow it up before going there for the info. that shit is valuable! especially if you want to convince people you're gods?? accurately predicting the future is insanely good for doing that! plus all the other cool shit you can do by knowing exactly what's going to happen.”

“It also makes the Twins much more dangerous if they can see every outcome...unfortunately, Lilith is very good at playing 4D Chess by now.”

“lilith, putting on her sunglasses and cracking her knuckles: it's time to show them what a real military organization can do. ellie is her hype woman with the drink and a towel. also also lilith is probably kicking herself for not being fast enough this time to punch the vault symbol into tyreen's face.”

“Honestly, I'd love Lilith to turn out to be this really crafty, really charismatic guerrilla warfare commander. Like an Innie leader but they're hypercompetent, not a terrorist and also have Keyes's sheer talent for analyzing battles and tactics and adapting accordingly. Lilith sitting up in Sanc-III being BL!Keyes except a lady and specializing in ground warfare would be sick.”

“yes. fucking. please. gearbox please give lily all the character development, your girl deserves it. im glad because it does seem like she's getting there when you crash land on Promethea. and even the way she handles herself on the bridge is very smooth and confident.”

“tfw you can see the future and, yet, the lady you robbed of her siren powers is outsmarting you 24/7, 365 days a year despite you being able to see the future. also you're trying to fight fate and desperate to change reality so that you can't lose like the future said you would. joke's on you, you cannot fight it.”

“There is no changing it. bonus points if ty only saw the very end, so she is utterly clueless on how the middle bits play out. so lilith is kicking her ass across elpis and she's like ‘this is NOT how i saw this going’.”

“I'd seriously imagine that life in BL corporate society really is like life in Rapture or Columbia. The upper class profits immensely and reaps all the best goods, but they refuse to do the dirty work themselves so they rely on this huge workforce who they constantly cheat, lie and exploit. The few achieve huge power and stuff at the expense of the many. Looking at the Twins in the parallels of how revolutions go, they'll basically go from recruiting the bandits to recruiting the huge lower class of every planet.  Looking at records from all the planets, we've got people being screwed over again and again, corruption and other nasties. The Twins claim that they want all corporations to go, to bring some form of unified government back to the galaxy. And it works- their army size quadruples overnight and goes from there. By the time we get to Promethea, the COV are already recruiting everyone dissatisfied with corporate life. If they successfully seize control of Maliwan like I predict, they'll be a force to be reckoned with. The Twins will use the masses to achieve some sort of theocratic revolution, [they] claim that it's all for everyone's good. But in reality, they want to be absolute rulers of the universe, gods worshipped and feared by all.”

“Oh yeah, the twins are definitely feeding (maybe literally) off the huge numbers of dissatisfied people across the universe- the mega corporations are evil, no doubt there are millions of people waiting for something better. tbh, if gaige wasn't booted from the main game, I could see a whole side story of her having started a revolution somewhere, and then joining up with the Crimson Raiders once her entire party just up and joined the CoV. And [I would] 100% bet the twins started a campaign against DAHL and Atlas and suddenly nearly every bandit on pandora joined up with them. (also Athena was sitting in a chair clutching at the armrests and janey was like "don't you fuckin dare, hon" and athena is like "but... Atlas...")”

[We talk more about Gaige’s anarchist revolution and trying to topple the mega corporations in a less cult-y fashion here]

“... Bonus points 2: The COV fire up the memories of Jack to rally everyone into opposing Hyperion and suddenly Athena is like "OK I'm not going, mobilize the army." And Janey is like ‘Here we go...’.”

[we joke around a little bit more about Athena and Janey here]

“I can imagine Rhys's internal conflict, knowing that he has to make the galaxy a better place but at the same time, maintain his corporate power and control because without it, he's doomed. Then again, Rhys is no stranger to doing shady stuff. I think a lot of the Twins's evil will be in how they treat their followers.There's all the smooth-talking and promises of the future. And then when you actually get there, you're brainwashed into being another unthinking, 100% loyal attack dog for them. And you follow everything they ask you to do for 100%, even if they use you for power experiments or cannon fodder. And the game will remind us that these people weren't all bandits - over the course of the story, the COV includes people like former corporate execs, entire families, people who were just trying to get by day to day. And now we as Vault Hunters have to kill all these ordinary people to save the universe. Tough choices, eh?“

“Oh geez, you know that's a really fair point. i know borderlands likes to push the 'morally gray' aspect of things, but holy shit that's dark. (not saying i don't love it though, i totally do lol) You’re probably 100% right that rhys is struggling internally. especially after being so closely tied up with hyperion and even fiona and sasha, seeing exactly what hyperion did to people not just on helios but the people trying to live their daily lives and survive on pandora. im sure he has a similar reasoning to himself as the twins: im doing this for the better of the people. i can help so many more people with this money and power. somewhat similar to handsome jack, but hopefully lorelei (if she's not evil) helps ground him and keep him from jumping into the middle-to-deep end.”

“I'm still betting that Rhys will remain on the good side, if a teensy bit unscrupulous. I mean, the whole thing about the Twins is that they're social commentary of livestreamers and influencers and the incredibly toxic influence they can have. There are countless aspects of that to explore. If streamers can mobilize their entire loyal fanbases to bully the crap outta some poor chump or buy things or let their fans believe that they know the streamer 100% as a person and not a persona, the Twins can convince people to go to war.”

“Oooh yeah, it's not hard to imagine they probably don't even need the brainwashing for a majority of their cult, just the select few who are either on the fence or against it, but are [still] 'available'. irl streamers can be seriously fuckin scary, man, im not surprised this is the route gearbox is going for. now, it would be severely fucked up if there was a scene where tyreen demands someone kill themselves on the spot and they do without hesitation. if you watch the moze gameplay there seems to be a hint of something like that going on over the radio/TVs, she mentions something about their sacrifice or something, then you hear a dude screaming/gurgling.”

“Everyone's thinking that Tyreen will be this laughable, entertaining villain. But I'm constantly seeing hints and estimating that she is going to be far, far more scarier than we give her credit for. For one, Jack was a presence largely relegated to audio. We only physically saw him in BL2 twice. The Twins run a cult, which itself is frightening already. And it looks like we'll be seeing them in person very often.”

“Oh yes, tyreen is fucking terrifying. i mean even that she can steal siren powers is already a huge "whoa what the fuck" in my book. that one line at the end of the HBC where she's like "you're my most loyal follower vault thief, you just don't know it yet"? fucking scary, how her voice drops and gets all serious for a split second and then the hologram just cuts out. i was like "wh- wait hang on-???" i definitely think she is putting up a persona and as the game goes on we're slowly going to watch her lose it. troy will probably grow a bit distant from her as well if he doesn't lose it, too. definitely think ty is going to try and kill him once he's of no use to her, because he's just been a pain in her side because she had to keep him alive as the brains of the operation. but once the operation is done... whoops. sorry pal. don't need you anymore. they're the main villains, i can't see her holding the bonds of family in high regard at all. she could totally write off his death as like ‘he sacrificed himself for the Great Vault, now we pray to him every day and sacrifice ourselves in his name’ or smth”

“She puts up this fun-loving persona as a streamer, but she then decides the Vault Hunters get to see her true self. It is not pretty. It makes Jack look like a kitten-cuddling fluffball, that's how bad the real Tyreen is. It makes Piston and Vasquez sound like friendly guys you'd take out for lunch after work. It makes Hector's goals look very reasonable and sane. Also, perhaps she kills him and we never see how she did it, which ups the scare factor. It's like Troy disappeared and we have no idea how she killed him and how long it took for him to die. We just find a lot of irreconcilable proof that Troy is dead now and we don't know how. That is the amount of horror I'm estimating.”

“Oh man I love this. That's so horrible (in a good way), I can 100% see it happening. Jack swore revenge for us killing the person he 'loved'. Tyreen herself kills the person she 'loved' and we start to realize holy shit this is the real deal. She can't even pretend to care like Jack pretended to care (he didn't actually care about Angel as a person, but he did say things to try and make Angel think he did, just putting that out there cuz I don't wanna sound like I support him lol). There's just a complete contrast between her and Jack during the final levels of the game. Jack stops joking around "you feel that, child killer?", he's dead serious and ready to kill vs Tyreen laughing or just being off the rails bubbly for her 'streamer persona' while looking utterly unhinged”

so yeah, the convo teetered off after this a bit, but the general gist is that Tyreen is going to go absolutely off-the-wall by the end of the main story. this is somewhat supported by the Danny Homan interview that states the twins are going to have their relationship warp and twist.Tyreen is going to start going crazy with all the powers she absorbs and realize once the plan is over she won’t need Troy’s expertise anymore, and Troy is going to get sick of being relegated to the side when he’s the one with the master plan. We both have the deep feelings the twins aren’t going to stay as charismatic as they are in the little bit of promo material we’ve gotten of them. which i get, because in a lot of the official trailers, Troy looks pissed. Tyreen is always super smug no matter what shot she’s in, but Troy... he looks very angry in some shots we get. even when Ty is holding his forearm in that one shot, he rips his arm out of her grip. For example: “How many IRL streamer "friends" get into ridiculous drama and feuds with each other? Answer: a lot. Could be mirroring that with the twins. A lot of people are saying that the new villains will never match up to Jack. This is our take, and we're proud of it, and very confident in Gearbox's new writing team. ”

EDIT: some edits made by The Wild West Pyro

[badlydrawndrawnings]

Semi-formal critique/rant about a lack of  P1/P5 comparisons

When the first Persona 5 PV came out, there was a general agreed consensus that Persona 5 was going to be the Persona 2 duology (with Innocent Sin being the most compared Persona 2 game) of the modern games. This consensus grew more and more as more playable characters were introduced, character info was released, and certain gameplay elements were introduced, like demon negotiation and GUNS as a secondary ranged weapon.

That last one is more of a Persona 1/SMT gameplay element but whatever.

By the time of the game’s release, and with more people playing the game/watching let’s play and walkthroughs (and the anime, and the seemingly slow release of the official manga I can only occasionally find ~not Mementos Missions btw~), this consensus was and is still around. It’s not as strong as before, but it’s there. There are also some people that like to say the two games were handle the same way (with Innocent Sin once again being the most compared Persona 2 game) via characters and certain plot points. I actually made an old post about it, right here.

With the Japanese Release of Persona 5 Royal, these claims exponentially rose again to strong levels to where I literally wanted to go into Tim Barry’s Royal Stream chat and type ‘please stop talking about persona 2 and nyary please stop talking about persona 2 and nyary.’ Why? Because after watching much of Royal to the best of my ability, I come to the realize that, Persona 5 Royal at least, is trying to be the Persona 1 of the modern games. And fair warning, I will go into major spoilers for Royal in depths, based off what is known.

We have Reiji Kido and Goro Akechi, bastard children who revenge over their father is their main goal. Yet due to one factor being present (or absent), they show the different outcomes of their fates, one being able to move on after his revenge for thirst and live a normal life with his own family, while the other who fate is unknown (in Original Persona 5; Royal will be touch upon under the read more) as his revenge possibly costed his life.

We have Masao ‘Mark’ Inaba and Ryuji Sakamoto, two good teenagers who are momma’s boys and delinquents at their school. Yet the title of delinquent is either truthfully earn because of actual delinquent-like behavior that will lead to a future career, or a title gradually earned after an accident that costed a possible future career had it never happened at all.

We have Eriko ‘Elly’ Kirishima and Ann(e) Takamaki, both who are in fact one-fourth American models. Yet given how they appear so differently, it must have factor into how are treated by other student, with one looking more of the typical Japanese person she is deem odd mostly due to her ‘eccentricities’, the other appearing more foreign with blonde hair and blue eyes due to a chance of genetics she is treated unfairly due to rumors and enforcing negative stereotypes.

Once you get into the Royal Third Semester, the comparisons grow into new levels that took me by surprise.

For one, we have Kasumi Yoshizawa. Kasumi can be best describe as the love child/clone of Maki (with that red ribbon and some parts of her personality) and Naoya (P1′s Manga Protag’s background of sorts). For you see, Kasumi is not Kasumi. She is Sumire Yoshizawa, twin of Kasumi Yoshizawa. Sumire loves the real Kasumi, but the poor girl is envious of her older and much more talented sister. It grew and grew until Sumire is full with such negativity and hate with her life as how it is and how she is, Sumire couldn’t handle it anymore and decides to go into traffic to possibility kill herself.

And the real Kasumi dies trying to save her younger. Needing counselling for her depression and guilt of what happened, Sumire’s cognitive of herself change into her believing (with someone’s help, who I will discuss) she is Kasumi and lives her life as Kasumi. It’s only until the Third Semester does Sumire remembers the truth. It took awhile, but Sumire was able to overcome everything and awaken fully, with what appears to be Kasumi herself -that’s right a dead person- becoming Cendrillon. 

So one is wondering who the heck made Sumire believe she is Kasumi? It’s none other than Takuto Maruki! Everyone figured this man shouldn’t be trust, but oh boy. We weren’t expecting any of this sorts! For one, Takuto is a Persona User. Now, adult Persona Users are canon since the first game with Takahisa Kandori, but it’s Kandori we ought to focus on (and only Kandori in Persona 1).

Kandori is nothing like Takuto. Kandori is a business man through and through, being the head president of the Sebec Branch in Mikage-Cho. Both men believe it or not, have the same goal of sorts of imposing their ideal version of the world over reality with their own means, Takuto with his Persona Powers that sort became supercharge after Yabadadoo’s defeat by the PT, Kandori with the Deva System Sebec build.

Takuto honestly has good intentions, wanting a world where people can be happy without heartache and pain, which started when his former girlfriend had to go to the hospital after her parents died (in what I think was a burglary gone wrong). In fact, Takuto’s status as an antagonist is interesting. He knows the PT and has a Co-op/Confidant with Joker. While exploiting them for his research, he does so in his belief he is going to help them and everyone else because his way is the best. In fact, Takuto believes himself so much, he wants to make sure his ideal world will happen by trying stop Joker from sending a calling call by using Goro as one weird last resort.

Because according to Takuto, the real Goro is dead. The real Goro was taken hostage on Shido’s ship, but the destruction of the Palace pretty much doom Goro to a watery grave. Because of Joker’s unknowing wish to see Goro again (if you pick the right option), Takuto was able to use his powers to start the Third Semester on 12/24, the day where Joker canonically has to turn himself in. The Goro here is in effect, Dream!Goro who is eerily just like the real Goro. When Joker decides to listen to Dream!Goro of not accept the dream world and to accept reality as it is, that’s when Takuto takes out the big guns (aka, use his Persona). After losing to the PT via Personas, Takuto makes another go at it by almost became GOD by fusing with his Persona. When he goes back to his human self, Takuto fucking fights Joker in a fist fight and you pretty much ask yourself:  how many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man? But at the end, Takuto accepts it, and is given a second chance at life.

Kandori is just a selfish prick who only cares for himself. How much of a selfish prick? When the Deva System got attached to Maki’s subconscious and her Ideal World, Kandori decides to exploits Maki’s powers (via Aki, aka, Girl in Black) as a mean to his own end of becoming GOD. He also couldn’t give a shit about the P1 crew, hating them all and likes taunting them. Kandori couldn’t care less about his half bastard brother’s revenge goal, but comments Reiji does have that Kandori blood lol. 

And believe or not, Kandori is one of the few Persona villains to win. He actually achieves his dream of being God of a new world...and feels unfilled by it. By the time the Persona 1 crew confronts him, the man is particularly wishing for death because he has nothing else to live for since who knows how long his world can last. Kandori would have probably at surrender to them if Nanjo didn’t push Kandori into one last fight. Like Takuto, Kandori fuses with his Persona (though it’s not like he planned it), but he dies in this battle, pretty much as a empty man and as a possible warning of a wrong future.

Though Kandori gets the last word by revealing to the P1 crew that he isn’t the real person they should be focusing on. That goes to the real Maki, who is still sick in her bed (as it turns out, the Maki everyone is with is the Ideal Maki of real Maki’s dream, who is nothing like her).

(I forgot to mention it, but there’s also a brief moment on 12/31 when Joker dreams of an empty and dark Shujin Academy. It’s really similar to St. Hermelin during the parts the P1 crew have get lost travel through the school.)

With that being said about Royal, one can see what Persona 1 elements show up, how it works in both the original based game and Royal re-released, and the understand how Royal is trying to be the Persona 1 of modern Persona games. Yet people are still only taking about Persona 5 and how it’s like the Persona 2 duology (mainly Persona 2 Innocent Sin; I seen way too many people discuss in the Tim Barry chat how getting posses by your Persona came from IS but it was there since the first game).

And so I finally has to ask the question I thought I would never ask:  Why do Persona fans tend to not make P1/P5 comparisons? 

Is there something about Persona 1 that makes it easy to not make these comparisons? Like, I know the earlier games aren’t easy to play (especially one; I actually can’t play in First Person games in general because I get headaches from the format after half an hour or so of gameplay). That’s why the option to watch a let play walkthrough, reading the manga, listening to the audio drama, or do a combination of all the above exist. 

But is there’s something in Persona 1 in all of its materials, that makes it unworthy of talk like Persona 2 to be worthy of a comparison to Persona 5? I am in no means bashing the Persona 2 duology at all but I genuine want to know, without the need to cause discourse.We already have enough as it is. 

[ukulelecal]

marvel!sos - characters and relationships

hey pumpkins, so i made a big post with all the information about the characters in the marvel au that i have so far. obviously there’s more to be explored, but this is what i’ve got rn.

i wanna give a big thanks to @fullblownidentitycrisis for helping me develop this so much, and to everyone who sent ideas and suggestions!! you guys are awesome, i’m so excited, lets go (also sorry the bullet points are so long, i maxed out on the text block limit so i had to combine them):

Calum Hood as Spider-Man

-Your classic geeky science nerd. Follows pretty much the same story as Spider-Man; lost his parents, and then his uncle, and lived with his aunt, gets bitten by a radioactive spider and now has superpowers. Just in this case, he went to college in New York and lived in a dorm, probably lived with his aunt during summers. Went to college for chemical engineering on a scholarship, and is now graduated

-Moved into a cheap little apartment in Harlem after college with three other guys until he finds his dream science job, which he’s struggling with. He kind of hates the guys he lives with because they’re obnoxious but he doesn’t really have a choice. Works at a greasy spoon restaurant as a busboy for minimum wage

-He gets very overwhelmed about his powers, being afraid of them, afraid of possibly hurting someone, and feeling inhuman. It’s just very stressful for him. He has tattoos for his family, and when he gets too anxious about life, his future, his powers, he traces over the tattoos with his finger to remind him that he’s got his family watching over him

Eleanor, Calum’s girlfriend

-Born and raised in Chicago. Moved to New York after high school for college, also on a scholarship. She studies biomedical engineering. So even though she’s a science nerd like Cal, she isn’t awkward like he is. She’s very cool and witty, has a lot of spunk and is very sharp. Also super intelligent and quick-thinking

-She used to want to be a writer when she was younger, specifically a poet, but as she got older she started thinking she wasn’t good enough to do it for a living so she pursued science instead, but she still writes in her free time

-Works as a waitress at the same restaurant as Calum. Lived in an apartment by herself after college, but at some point her landlord raised her rent a lot, and getting paid minimum wage she knew she wasn’t going to be able to pay it, and ended up getting evicted

Calum and El’s relationship

-They had some classes together in college. Cal always thought she was gorgeous but never had the courage to talk to her. He never expected to see her again after college but lord behold, they work at the same restaurant now

-They started talking and hanging out a lot, and being best friends eventually grew into dating. Cal and El are the broke New York kids, living off cheap food in Harlem and leftover fries from the restaurant, always complaining about being broke but they aren’t unhappy, because they have each other. When El gets evicted, she stays with Cal in his shared apartment for a bit, but his roommates aren’t thrilled with the idea of someone else living in their already cramped apartment so they both take extra shifts at the restaurant and save up so they can get their own place. They’re like the groups little siblings (even though they’re not much younger), everyone looks after them

-El doesn’t know about Cal’s powers at first, and she finds out by walking in on him messing around in the suit. She’s hurt at first, about him keeping secrets, and Cal is panicking for three days thinking she’s going to leave him, but once she comes around she shows all of her support and helps him a lot when he’s having a hard time. She also becomes important to the team after that, using her logic to make plans and her medical background to heal everyone

-Cal calls her Ellie-bear, which she pretends to hate but secretly loves

Luke Hemmings as Thor Odinson

-God of thunder, heir to the throne of Asgard. Can be a bit cocky and hot headed, but he’s mostly a ray of sunshine

-Gets banished to Earth by Odin, but not for the same reason as in the movies. He gets banished because he’s in love with a warrior named Freja. The problem is, Thor has been arranged to marry another woman since he was born. And that woman is not Freja. Odin banishes him in hopes that being apart from each other will cause their love to die, and Thor will marry the other woman without resistance when he is allowed back. Obviously, Odin was wrong. While on Earth, Thor developed the name Luke Hemmings for himself. He met a group of heroes and worked with them

Freja on Asgard and Harper on Earth, Luke’s girlfriend

-An incredible warrior. Highly respected on Asgard

-She absolutely radiates grace and is very debonair. Even in battle, she is just the embodiment of elegance. She has a very calming voice, and it easily soothes anyone she speaks to without even trying. She always seems to be calm which makes her a very easy presence to be around. Her best weapon is a sword, but she dabbles a bit in everything

-Never really knew her parents; they were killed at an age when she couldn’t remember them. Raised by an Asgardian warrior leader, thus her becoming a warrior herself

Luke and Harper’s Relationship

-They were playmates growing up. It wasn’t until they were older that they started to have feelings for each other. They both knew that Luke was in an arranged marriage, but they didn’t care. They loved each other

-When Luke got banished, it was so rough for both of them. They had no way of communicating, and they had to go nearly a year without seeing or even talking to each other. Odin’s plan of getting them to fall out of love totally backfired. The first thing Luke did the second he could return to Asgard was look for Freja. He asked her to come back to Earth with him so they could be together because if they stayed Luke would be forced to marry the other woman. She quickly agreed and ran away with him, gave herself the name Harper. They completely put Asgard behind them. And they are so lovey dovey on Earth, making up for lost time. They’re the star-crossed lovers in the typical forbidden love situation. Luke shows her all the weird Earth things he discovered and they continue to discover more together

Ashton Irwin as Captain America

-Kid from Brooklyn. Used to be very sickly and weak. Received a special serum back in 1941, and became a super soldier. Incredible strength and speed. Was frozen for years and woke up in modern times

-Now he’s very brave and determined, and once he’s passionate about or invested in something he can’t back down. And when he sees wrongdoing he can’t ignore it. He’s like the dad of the group and is very protective of everyone. He’s especially protective of his girl, and also Cal and El

-He’s super good at drawing and he used to love it, but doesn’t do it as much anymore

Mila, Ashton’s girlfriend

-A SHIELD agent. People would expect her to be super serious and stoic but she’s the opposite. She’s literally the softest bean ever. She’s soft and cute, full of giggles and big smiles. She’s also very stable and organized, which is good for Ash because he’s always stressed. Super smart, good problem solver

-Also a major badass when in action which leaves everyone shocked. She can do acrobatics well and is strong, and she can handle a gun pretty good. She gets super tough when she’s fighting

Ashton and Mila��s relationship

-They met at some sort of SHIELD meeting that Ash had to attend. He thought she seemed sweet so he chatted her up a bit after the meeting, and they started going out. So she probably knows he’s Captain America from the start

-They keep their relationship pretty private. They aren’t super affectionate in public or anything but when they’re alone? Total opposite. They’re so soft and sweet with each other, and Ash totally babies her. They’re each other’s “person” that they can always trust and go to for anything

-At some point SHIELD forces Mila to relocate overseas, and Ash can’t go with her because they need him in the states. They try to make it work long distance but they just can’t do it, and they break it off. But Ash isn’t himself after that. He suffers in silence, refusing to talk about it, but the others can see that there’s something very wrong. It’s affecting his fighting for sure. The guys help Mila convince SHIELD to let her move back to the states, and once she does they’re both back to their lively selves because they just needed each other. They’ve got such a sweet happy relationship

Michael Clifford as Hawkeye

-Sarcastic and witty. Pretty confident

-Amazing with a bow and arrow. Master marksman

-He became deaf after an accident, and now he uses a hearing aid. A little insecure about it sometimes but he’s got great friends and a girlfriend to cheer him up

-Super affectionate with the girl he loves, even though he doesn’t seem like he’d be that way

Charlotte, Michael’s girlfriend

-She’s a villain; a mutant, like Wolverine but not the same powers as him

-She was experimented on a lot as a child and treated like nothing but a lab rat, which kind of stems her being a villain. She thought the bad guys were her only family at that time and that she had to trust them (I’m going to think more into the villain organization and her powers as a mutant). She always questioned their motives and why she stayed with them but she always felt she couldn’t get away. They took her in, after all, how could she? And she’s internally battling herself a lot

-In her regular life, she can be very intimidating and snarky, but she’s pretty nice once you get to know her. She’s a tattoo artist and has quite a few herself

Michael and Charlie’s relationship

-Their relationship is angsty. It’s fine before Mikey finds out Charlie is a villain and before Charlie finds out Mikey is a hero, but it’s messy after that

-Mikey finds out in a battle, where he knocks her unconscious and her mask falls off, and then he sees her. At first he can’t even move, he’s just so shocked, and then all he can think about is all the times in the past that he shot at her and hurt her, and he just breaks down. But later, he feels so betrayed and hurt. It would take him a while to stop being angry and forgive her. Like once he finds out about her rough past, he tries so hard to understand and see her side. He realizes she needs someone to bring out the good in her. And then he has to assure her that he still loves her and thinks she’s a good person

-But aside from all their drama, they’re such a goofy couple, always messing around and being dumb together

[shejustcalledmeafish]

Here’s the short story that I’ve been stressing out about all week. Special thanks to @wolveswingsandwrenches and everyone else who gave it an early readthrough. Slight swearing, gore, and mentions of sex. If I need to tag anything else, just let me know.

Mirror Miroir

You met him in a mirror. He didn’t stay in it.

You’re shaking the snow off your boots when Brayden, your boss’s assistant, approaches you. You start to worry.

“Doc Ellis? Doc Peterson wants to see you in her office,” Brayden says, his tone as casual as always. It’s impossible to read if it’s urgent or not. Shit.

“What for?” you ask.

“I dunno. Something about one of the hospital’s new acquisitions,” he says with a shrug.

“Alright. Thank you, Brayden,” you say before walking away. Your department’s offices are on the sixth floor, and an out of order sign on the elevator has you heading for the stairs.

Several flights later, you knock on Dr. Peterson’s door. There’s a slight pause before she opens it.  She looks tired, but she smiles when she sees you.

“Ah, Dr. Ellis. I assume that Brayden found you?” she says, standing back from the door so you can enter. She closes it behind you as soon as you cross the threshold.

“Yes. He said that you wanted to speak with me about a new acquisition?” you say. Dr. Peterson sits in her desk chair and motions for you to sit as well. You sit and she nods.

“Yes, that’s right. We were given a huge donation from the Theseus Foundation. But they had a condition. They gave us an antique mirror and requested that it be placed in one of our child psychologists’ offices.” Dr. Peterson explains. You are puzzled.

“Why me?” You ask. Dr. Peterson shrugs.

“I don’t know. But we had it checked out; it’s completely safe,” she says before leaning forward on her desk. “Will you please take it, Riley?” You hesitate for only a second before you nod. An antique mirror can’t hurt anyone.

“Of course, Olivia,” you say. She sighs in relief.

“Good. The crate is already in your office,” she says, standing up. You look at her knowingly, and she grins. “I had a feeling that you’d agree.” You stand up and shake her hand. “I’ll see you later, Dr. Ellis. If you need help with the mirror, feel free to call Brayden,” Dr. Peterson says. You nod.

“Thanks,” you say. When you leave Dr. Peterson’s office, you’re a little happier. A huge donation for the hospital might mean a raise in your future. You whistle a little tune as you walk down the hall to your office. Once inside, you take off your coat and toss it over the back of your chair.

The crate leans up against the wall beside the couch. It’s your first day back and you didn’t schedule any appointments until the afternoon. Now is the perfect time to unpack the mirror. You open the top of the crate with the Swiss Army knife you shouldn’t keep in your pocket at work. You tuck the blade back away before exploring the opened crate. There’s no way that you’re going to be able to hang the mirror up by yourself.

Two phone calls and fifteen minutes later, Brayden is knocking on your door. He smiles as you open it gratefully.

“Thank you for coming. I know you were probably busy, but Olivia said I could call and I really want to get this taken care of before my one o’clock,” you say. Brayden smiles.

“It’s all cool, Doc. You got me out of doing paperwork, so I’m glad to help,” he says. “So, where do you want it?” He walks over to stand by the box.

“I was originally going to have it behind my desk, but now I think it should go right about there,” you say, pointing at a blank patch of wall to the right of the couch. Brayden nods.

“That’ll work. Can you help me get it out of the crate? It’s a two person job, I’m afraid,” he says. You cross the room to join him. With a little work,  the mirror is soon out of the crate and resting against your couch.

“So what now?” you ask, sitting down in your ‘therapist chair.’

“I’ll get some hooks and someone to come to move the crate,” Brayden says. “Be back soon.” He leaves you alone with the mirror.

You stand fully intending to use this time to get some work done. As you turn back to your desk, something in the mirror catches your eye.

Walking closer, you begin to take in the mirror. The carvings in the dark oak frame are elaborate, the glass is silvery blue, slightly grainy, and looks hundreds of years old.

You lean closer to examine the glass, but all you can see is your reflection. Your short, dark hair, your scarred jaw. Everything checks out and you are about to turn away from the mirror when you notice a flicker of motion. You look back at the mirror and see a young boy standing in the glass, almost nose to nose with you.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” you swear, jumping away. The boy in the mirror doesn’t flinch. He looks young,  perhaps in his early teens with blond hair styled in an old-fashioned way, shoulder-length with loose curls. His white linen shirt is stained red with blood and his appearance unkempt, as if he had dressed quickly.

“Bonjour Où suis-je? Qui est tu? Ça fait combien de temps?” he speaks quickly, the words slightly garbled as if hearing them through a layer of water. You can tell he’s speaking French, but the full meaning is lost on you. You haven’t studied the language since college, but you try your best.

“Uh, Je ne parle pas français,” you say, stumbling over the foreign syllables. “Do you speak, uh, parlez vous anglais?” The boy smiles.

“Oui,” he says. “Yes, I speak English,” he says, his accent archaic and thick. “I picked it up during my years here.” Startled, but pleased that you could communicate, you relax slightly.

“Here? You mean, in the mirror?” you say, ignoring how weird it sounds by focusing on getting answers to your countless questions.

“Yes. The mirror was moved from France to England soon after my death. I learned English there and kept the knowledge even after the mirror went to Greece. Where am I now?” the boy asks.

“You’re in America,” you say quickly before changing the topic. “Are you a ghost?”

“Yes. Luc Chastain, at your service,” he says with a little bow. “And you are?”

“Uh, Ellis. Dr. Riley Ellis,” you stammer. “Luc, how did you... end up in there?” You gesture to the mirror.

Luc sighs. “It all started a long time ago. I’m not sure how long. What year is it?” he asks.

“It’s 2019. The beginning of January,” you reply. The shock shows on Luc’s face.

“The last time I spoke with someone, it was the summer of 1963.” He shudders. “Time moves slowly here. It feels like I’ve been trapped in this mirror for millennia.”

“Luc, how did you die?” you ask cautiously. Luc’s face flashes with grief and rage.

“It was all because of Thibault,” Luc says simply. Before he can elaborate, you hear a pair of voices in the hall. Startled, Luc vanishes, leaving the mirror empty, save your reflection.

“Luc?” you ask, worried. You hear the door open behind you.

“Nope,” Brayden says, walking in with another man.

“Brayden, sorry, I thought you were someone else,” you apologize.

“Don’t worry about it,” Brayden says. “This is Noah, he’s gonna get rid of the crate for you.” Noah nods slightly.

“Yep.” He turns to Brayden. “Want me to help with the mirror first?”

“Nah, I got it. Just keep the doc company,” Brayden says with a wink. Noah walks over to join you. “He’s so cocky. It’s going to get him in trouble someday,” Noah says. He sounds serious, but you can see he has nothing but affection for the other man.

Brayden drags the mirror around in a way that has you flinching, but the mirror and the carpet seem unharmed. He puts the hooks in the wall with practiced ease. The trouble comes when he tries to lift the mirror onto those hooks. The mirror tilts and time seems to slow. Brayden’s hand slips and the mirror starts to fall on him. Noah rushes across the room and grabs the mirror as Brayden loses his grip. You stand petrified as Noah falls, the mirror crushing him.

Brayden turns around, and you see his face when he realizes what has happened. He moves frantically, pulling the mirror off of Noah and leaning it up against the wall. The mirror has shattered, and you can see silvery-blue shards sticking out of the carpet and Noah’s back.

“Noah?” Brayden whimpers and your heart breaks. But then Noah twitches. His chest rises and falls. Brayden falls backward, completely stunned. Noah struggles to his feet, blood dripping from his cuts, but otherwise unharmed. You look him in the eyes and notice something in their depths.

“Luc,” you say. He laughs and Brayden looks at you in panic.

“Regarde ce corps!” Luc says, picking up a shard of his old home and admiring himself in it. You see a drop of silver drip off the end. “Si beau!” He suddenly turns his gaze on Brayden. “Tu sais, il t'aime bien. Je fais partie de lui maintenant, je sais tout ce qu'il sait. Et il sait qu'il veut te niquer.”  He takes a step toward Brayden, and Brayden scrambles away.

“I don’t understand! What’s wrong with you, Noah?” Brayden cries.

“Brayden, that’s not Noah. That’s Luc,” you say sadly.

“Pauvre garçon. Il est à moi,” Luc says with a sinister grin.

“Who the fuck is Luc!” Brayden yells. You open your mouth to speak, but Luc holds up a hand.

“Pardonnez-moi, mais je vais raconter ma propre histoire,” Luc says indignantly, the French sounding strange in Noah’s voice.

“Speak English,” you say carefully. “We can’t understand you otherwise.” Luc sighs.

“Si je dois. I am Luc Chastain, son of Adrian Chastain, born in 1660, dead in 1675.” You watch Brayden’s mind racing furiously.

“You’re a 300-year-old teenage ghost possessing Noah,” Brayden says flatly.

“Oui. Do try and keep up, I’ve already explained part of this to the good doctor over there.” Luc says, hitching his thumb at you. “Now, be quiet and listen. I came from that mirror. I don’t know how exactly I ended up in there, but I can tell you what I know. That mirror was in my lo… Thibault’s house back in 1675, in his family’s stateroom, and he and I would sneak in there all the time.” Luc smiles.

“How did you die?” Brayden asks, his tone surprisingly steady for the situation. Luc shivers.

“We were caught. Not just sneaking into the stateroom but… nous étions putains,” Luc says.

“What were you doing? Destroying shit?” Brayden says, seemingly irritated that Luc refuses an answer he can comprehend  Luc clenches his fists.

“Fucking! We were fucking, alright?” Luc snaps, tears forming in his eyes. “So, they killed me!” At that moment, Luc couldn’t look scarier, glass scattered around his borrowed feet, blood trickling from Noah’s head, pure fear and mania in his eyes.

But you see past that. He’s a teenager, a kid really. Trapped for over three hundred years with such limited human contact and no way to work through his emotions. You take a step forward and Luc turns away from Brayden and toward you.

“Luc, I know that was a major trauma that you suffered,” you say slowly. “But the only way to hurt less it is going to be to  talk about it. Talk to us and let us hear your story so we can help you.” Luc scoffs.

“You won’t want to help me. I’m wrong and so is this man.” Luc says, disdain on his tongue as he gestures to Noah’s body. “We are unholy. I was trapped in the mirror for my sins, and Thibault went to Hell. Noah will go to Hell as well. What he feels for that man is unnatural,” he says, gesturing at Brayden. Brayden makes a surprised sound. . You shake your head slowly.

“No. Your feelings for Thibault and Noah’s feelings for Brayden are not wrong. A lot has changed since 1675. We know now it’s not  wrong for a man to love a man or a woman to love a woman. Love isn’t wrong,” you say. An idea occurs to you. “Maybe that’s why the mirror trapped you.”

“Because I am sin?” Luc snaps.

“No,” Brayden replies quickly. He looks on the verge of tears, but he stands strong. “To show you that you are right. That you aren’t unholy. And that Thibault didn’t go to Hell. He’s in Heaven, waiting for you to come to join him.” You nod.

“Brayden is right. Let Noah go, and you can be with Thibault,” you say. You watch Luc’s eyes, so full of fear and anger, and try to track his train of thought.

“And I won’t go to Hell?” Luc finally asks, trying to keep hold of his fear, but failing.

“I can’t promise that. But, I can say that it’ll be more interesting than the mirror,” you say carefully. Luc casts a final glance over at Brayden.

“Alright. If Thibault is waiting for me, then I’d better not keep him waiting any longer,” Luc decides. He looks at you. “Doctor, I suggest you get medical help for Noah. I stopped him from suffering most of the damage from the mirror, but he still has several shards of glass in his back.” You hear Brayden make a noise of distress.

“I will, Luc. Good luck,” you say. Luc smiles and closes his eyes.

“Je viens mon amour,” he says softly before collapsing. Brayden darts in and catches his limp body.

“Noah?” Brayden asks. His eyes flutter open.

“Bray? Why does it feel like a mirror fell on me?” Noah asks nervously.

“Uh, Doc, call the other docs,” Brayden says. You nod and pick up the phone.

“This is Ellis. We need a doctor and a hazmat team in my office. Mercury spill. One injured, three possible mercury poisonings,” you say. You listen for a second before hanging up.

“Mercury?” Noah and Brayden say in unison. You point at the shards of mirror laying around their feet, beads of silver congealing on the surface of the glass.

“I noticed it earlier when Luc picked up a shard. Pretty much every old mirror was made with mercury,” you say. They look at you dumbfounded. You shrug. “I like to watch documentaries.”

“Who is Luc? What happened?” Noah asks, confused. You and Brayden look at each other and laugh. Noah frowns.

“Seriously guys, what’s so funny? Stop laughing, I have legitimate questions! You can’t keep avoiding the subject. Did the mirror actually fall on me? Guys!”