#because his unique magic is essentially the manifestions of his people's fear

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

As always, you have the best character and story analysis. I agree about every word you said about Jack. I remember the first time I found out about twst, I read only Heartslabyul's story and I thought "What a childish story" and then months later when I read Savannaclaw for the first time my opinion remained the same. It was only in Octavinelle when I started to have more respect for the story telling. And Scarabia of course was the peak to me. Because it felt so realistic in the sense that now we know there is an issue with Kalim and Jamil's relationship and we know what the issue is but it just can't be solved that easily. They're both still searching for healthy ways to cope with an incredibly unfair situation. To express something so complicated. That's good writing. Which takes me back to how weak Savannaclaw and Heartslabyul's stories are in comparison. I even went as far as think that they were weak by design to make it seem like NRC itself is luring Yuu in....first by getting them involved in seemingly shallow issues and then the issues get deeper as Yuu begins to be more involved. You're right that Jack's character feels like wasted potential when it comes to Savannaclaw. Honestly, not just him. Almost every heartslabyul character had their potential wasted in Heartslabyul's story. Trey's incredible capacity for evil hidden behind the kind senpai facade. Cater's desire and ability to make someone do his work for him and his complicated feelings of loneliness beyond the cheerful facade. Deuce got a full on redemption arc in Book 5 when he finally hit puberty (Discovered His Unique Magic) and Ace got his own moment in the Phantom Bride event. If Heartslabyul's story didn't highlight it enough. Phantom Bride showed exactly how highly Ace thinks of himself and how he dares to do a lot of things others won't because it's okay for the main character to reprimand the villain and act all high and mighty with them (like he did with both Riddle and Eliza). I don't know yet what happens in Vargas Camp, but Ruggie was, as you've already pointed out, the Savannaclaw star of the show so I think we already got enough Ruggie to understand his character. I wish we'd also got a proper explanation why Jack's strong sense of justice was deactivated in Savannaclaw's story. He already said he idolized Leona. But maybe there was more to that than simple idolization. Also, maybe there's a trick to Jack's character that deactivates his sense of justice. Like, I have a strong sense of justice unless....

Last, i want to point out that even though he's one of the most popular characters and despite getting one of the best Overblot designs, Leona is one of the characters that weren't really done justice in the story. Savannaclaw's story was overall weak (Exactly like Lion King's story, not much creativity involved) and his supposed redemption arc in Fairy Gala wasn't that satisfying. The only thing I found out about Leona is that he's much more of an attention whore than he comes off as. But I wish we would go deeper into Leona's feelings of inferiority. Leona has a very good base for a very interesting and complicated character. He feels inferior, yet he loves to act superior. He always trash talks his nephew but in a "blink and you'll miss it" moment, he showed concerns for his safety. He made it look like he only helped Yuu in Octavinelle's story because he was scared of them making noise outside his bedroom and because he had issues with Azul of course. But this is Leona, he could scare Yuu and Grim off amd not have them make noise if he wanted to. Azul may have held something against him, but Azul was a brilliant strategist, he wouldn't risk Leona's wrath. Leona helped Yuu because he wanted to help Yuu. Finishing his troubles with Azul was only a bonus. Or that's how I saw it. Anyways, I think Leona is a very fascinating character who's yet to get his moment to shine. I started out TWST all over Vil, but now that Book 5 is over. I think Leona grew on me more. And I wonder if what Azul held over him was the potion Ruggie drank at the Magift Tournament or was it something else. It actually felt that Leona's contract held a shameful secret that he wouldn't want revealed. But it could be me reading too much into it. After all he could have just been concerned about word getting out, he hurt some of his colleaugues and intended to hurt others as well. He's a prince after all. One thing I've been interested in as well, was relationship dynamics in Sunset Savannah and how women are more dominant and physically stronger. Imagine this but Leona is maybe concerned about being a useless prince consort to a woman he doesn't care for. Adding more to his tragedy of never being king, yet not free from royal obligations.

Sorry for the long rant. It's just there's not many people in the twst fandom I feel like I can share my thoughts with easily. But I love your thought process and I like sharing my thoughts with you and your followers.

The whole time I was reading this i though I'd posted the entirety of my take on Savanaclaw and how to fix it...

Like, near word for word, bar for bar from how I felt about Jack and Leona, using Scarabia, Heartslabyul, and the other dorm characters compared to the Savanaclaw trio. Especially the useless conort who gets washed away by the sands of time, barely remembered. Because second heirs are never free from Royal obligations, hell, they even have to overpreform in place of their sibling so Leona was right to say "you shouldn't give this rug to me, give it to a neighboring kingdom as a symbol of friendship" bc second heirs end up prone to more public scrutiny.

And you're right! Ruggie does get more characterization than Leona and Jack do, Leona is someone you have to read in between to get him which makes sense because he's spent the past 20 years of his life playing second fiddle and spare heir to his brother and he can't even be a spare heir because he has a nephew (who loves him very much)

Heartslabyul is a solid chapter especially when you have the Prologue leading into it makes it better. But I do think it focused on the first years rather than Riddle, Trey, and Cater, two of which have more characterization in Savanaclaw (later chapters too) and one of which you have to read personal stories and events to understand..

The thing is, Savanaclaw is based off of one of the most iconic movies ever, with a broadway show grossing 9 billion and making 1.6 mil a week, a. Week. Not to mention the Lion King topped Jurassic Park in 1994 and was the highest grossing film of that time, people think of iconic Disney movies and you best believe Lion King is up there no doubt.

Which is why I'm still trying to figure out how that bag was fumbled. There are so many directions you could've went with Leona in terms of being a "what if" Scar, especially if they played up the love Cheka has for his Uncle, how bout Cheka visiting the Dorm because he's one of the vip guests who are vetting out Magift players (bc Leona does say that Magift is the biggest sport in Twst and that winning means career options, scholarships, internships)

Bc in one of his Vignettes/ Personal Story the students do come to him when they need a problem solves bc he's well liked, why not use that as a way for him to infiltrate dorms? Especially if he's trying to pin the blame on Diasomnia. I'm sure they have friends, albeit a small group of them, and I'm sure there are Beastmen/Human/Mermen in Diasomnia.

Not to mention, bc he oversees Magift Practice, he should've definitely got into the "why" of his players getting harmed considering this could throw the Investigation squad off his tail.

Leona is literally stated to play chess by himself and is a top student at NRC, who, despite wanting to not be bothered with anything, is charismatic and pragmatic enough to have students rely on him (kinda like Trey) and you're gonna tell me he couldn't've pulled the wool over the Investigation Squad at least 10x over? At least?

This is SCAR we're talking about. Ursula swindled one girl, The Queen of Hearts got bullied by one girl and chased her back awake, Jafar is the only one I can see competing with Scar because he snatched up a genie, manipulated the Sultan had Jasmine and Aladdin on their knees so yeah... The Evil Queen is barely memorable (to me) it's the poison apple and Snow Whute that beat her out her own movie. Maleficent goes crazy, so a pass.

Jack, what Yana did to Jack is one thing I cannot forgive. Because he's the one character that's not apart of the Disney ensemble making him a whole clean slate, an Original Character, an OC if you will. White Fang starts off with sled dogs getting picked off, one by one, and a man fearing for his life because it's the Wild that runs the show, he's just living in it.

The thing about White Fang is that he was abused by his previous owner and through patience and compassion he became domesticated, protecting the protagonist's father when a criminal ran up, vowing to protect the protagonist's bloodline with his life. Idk how you get justice out of that entire book, but Jack protecting the weak does fall in line with White Fang's character arc.

Jack's justice and subsequent boldness that I mentioned in another post being turned off in the face of Leona's might and Overblot could've made sense, here's why:

Jack admires Leona, he grew up watching his Tournaments (implying Leona's been doing Magift on the side for a couple years, NRC just scooped him up) being assigned the same dorm as his idol was probably the greatest moment of his life (Vil and Leona are two sides of the same coin actually) so I can get behind him believing he knows his Dorm Leader as much as he does, enough to reprimand him in an effort to show him the right path.

Thing is, Jack doesn't know Leona like he thinks he does, and Farena doesn't know Leona as much as he thinks he does (I'd even argue that he was separated from Leona because of how dangerous his UM was, doesn't help that they're born a decade apart)

So they both come off tone deaf even when they're trying to be well meaning, Jack more so since he's a first year who beefed with his dorm because they were doing something that didn't align with his values.

I wanna reiterate that Jack is a bold person when he believes he's in the right.

Liek he walks right up to the tweels, demands they show him the contents of their suitcase and doesn't even wait for them to do that (they weren't, they were going to fight him) and still snatches the suitcase out of their hands. Leona and Jack's entire dynamic was formed through him beefing with his seniors, Jack fought Deuce because he though Yuu was a coward.

But I can get behind Jack not wanting to truly fight his Dorm Leader because 1: he admires him. 2: he knows the power Leona holds.

Idk if yall know but Leona's UM, King's Roar can turn anything into sand, people, objects, and PLACES fucking PLACES INTO SAND ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME??????

And it isn't like he needed to learn how use this ability like Riddle (who holds the record for developing a UM at 10) or Azul (whose UM is literally a forbidden art that needed to be honed) no. No. This man was just born with it. BORN WITH IT. Evicted straight out the womb with violence on the brain.

Jack wouldn't touch Leona with a ten foot pole bc the pole would be a clump of sand by then. Because before he's bold, before Justice, there's still the basic instinct to live after watching someone you believe is your vice dorm leader get strangled and the skin of his neck turn to sand to a point where you have to fight Leona off.

So I can get behind being afraid, since I'd like to reiterate that Jack was alone when he spoke up against Leona and Ruggie, you really think he could take them?

Absolutely not.

I cannot thank you enough @ano-kata for putting most of my thoughts into wordsss, I'm so glad we can brain all brain rot together about the wasted potential of characters and make them better as a result!!!

[shuttershocky]

So, magic circuits. I think I read that Rin had like 100 and than Ciel had like more, and that their somewhat required for magic or something but I don't quite get it. are they like another bodily system like the nervous system? Are they like Mp reserves? what do they actually do? and what does having more actually do? and how the duck are they transferred?

ps: I've read the wiki but it feels like college textbook I was too lazy to read on a subject I hated.

Magic circuits are similar to a body's system, but are part of the soul instead. They are the green lines you see appear on Shirou's skin in the anime adaptations.

Magic circuits are like your nerves or blood vessels, they're pathways for magical energy that let you form spells. They vary in amount and quality between people, and these two traits affect the person's potential as a mage (since obviously more circuits equals more pathways to conduct magical energy through, while better quality circuits equals more efficient energy transfer).

Since the number and quality of one's magic circuits is something a person is born with, you normally cannot improve either with training. Count and quality however, are traits that can be passed down from parent to child, thus mages tend to marry for the purpose of creating genetically superior children. Combine that with family crests (basically a family's spells and research embedded into the body and passed down from heir to heir,) older families with long lineages often prove to be more powerful than younger ones and thus higher in the social hierarchy of mages.

The numbers you are mentioning is Od capacity, Od being the term for mana (magical energy) created within the body rather than the mana found in the environment. Rin's maximum output of 1000 units dwarfs the average mage's of 20-30, her potential for magecraft is obscene. Ciel's is 4 times larger at 4000 units; in terms of Od capacity she is a super mutant closer to magical beasts like Medusa's steed Bellerephon than to she is to people.

It is important to note that while this part of Nasu's worldbuilding may seem like a justification for the eugenics and other nasty things mages partake in, someone's stats don't really end up mattering much within the stories. Shirou's ability is actually perfectly average. Having an Od capacity of 25, it's only because Rin and Sakura are both statistical outliers that he looks really weak in comparison. Still, his average power level manifests in such a unique and absurdly dangerous way in his reality marble Unlimited Blade Works that Rin hides him from other mages out of fear that they'll seal him away. Ciel on the other hand has monster stats that make regular mages look like ants, but her family were poor French people running a bakery without a history of magic, their daughter just happened to be born that way.

There are those who are born without magic circuits entirely and cast spells through mystic codes, and there are normal people without strong potential that nevertheless proved extremely powerful in other ways. The whole magic circuit detail essentially exists to bolster the narrative of how the world of magi spends so much effort trying to create someone special, rather than recognizing all the ways their children are already special.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Morality-Focused Frameworks Of Discussion As Acts of Control

This is a post in response to a larger conversation I’ve been having with @eshusplayground. I have a perspective that I think would be really relevant to the conversation but I also don’t want to derail the specific focus of the following posts she’s been making recently.

(Trigger Warning For Abuse Discussion and Brief Mentions of Rape)

---

So I’m in the Hellraiser fandom. More specifically, I’m a Pinhead/Kirsty shipper.

For those of you that don’t know, Pinhead is a demonic torturer from hell who’s design is inspired by the BDSM community. Characters who open a magical puzzle box have unknowingly given themselves away to his violent underworld community of eternal torment and depravity. Hellraiser is a film about romantic and sexual horror, and there’s quite a lot in there about abuse and trauma. Kirsty is a traumatized person, and in my personal opinion, very likely a CSA victim.

And I ship these two characters together.

So the subject matter of my particular fandom is extremely intense and niche and complicated to navigate, although YMMV (I have no trouble with this franchise, but I cannot really handle GOT or American Horror Story, for example). After I grew interested in Hellraiser and integrated into it’s fandom, my perspectives about the way we have conversations about villainous characters started to have a major shift.

I often see people have these intense conversations (and arguments) about where a particular character exists on a moral scale, with the subtext (or outright text) that if they tip too far one way or another, they can be rendered unworthy of their own subgroup of fans within their own fandom. People who love those characters or find them shippable are then subject to moral judgements.

So how does one apply such logic to a psychosexual torture demon?

The answer is you can’t.

The frameworks people online use to have these discussions do not make any sense when talking about my fandom. Hellraiser is a dark horror fairytale presenting disturbing, surreal images and behaviors in order to discuss complex and difficult experiences and perspectives. The monsters within it, like Pinhead, are more metaphor than anything.

Now, my follower count is too low and my fandom is too niche for me to really be on the receiving end of a lot of the cruelty that manifests online about the moral validity of the fiction I enjoy. That said, between the anti-kink TERFS and the younger folks involved in purity culture on this site, I can imagine exactly what it would look like. You know what they would look like.

“You’re an Abuse Apologist!”

“You’re an Abuse Fetishist!”

“You’re reinforcing sexism!”

“he’s an irredeemable torturer, you’re probably okay with literal real world rape lmao uwu”

“This is bad kink representation and you’re complicit in the abuse real men do to women because you like this!”

Now, setting aside the fact that the canon lore context of Pinhead involves him having a human soul brainwashed by a monster god to become what he is, and is also in a roundabout sense “redeemed” in canon, I think most people utilizing this kind of framework would assume that I believe Pinhead can be redeemed in the way online Discourse (tm) means it, because that’s how we talk in fandom about the villains we really like.

I do not want to redeem Pinhead. I don’t think he even needs redeeming. I don’t even see value in that conversation at all. Redemption is not a concept that makes sense for what he is, or what he could become as a character. The framework of Pinhead as a Real-World-Equivalent Human Male Abuser who Cannot Be Redeemed From His Actions would inevitably dominate all conversation, regardless of the fact that it is inherently incorrect and detrimental to real, robust literary analysis of the narrative he exists within and how brilliantly it actually interacts with male on female abuse as a subject. By nature of it’s gross oversimplification and misrepresentation, It ruins the potential for greater, more nuanced and complex conversations.

And that’s the thing: my engagement with this particular story and it’s characters has a lot to do with the potential in the narrative to examine how trauma interacts with love, desire and gender politics. Hellraiser has a very unique way of exploring that kind of subject through a storytelling aesthetic that appeals to me (horror/fairytale, gothic romance, etc).

This is about to get personal, so strap the fuck in.

I am the victim of gendered abuse, in that I had an emotionally abusive step father and sexism was absolutely a factor in why that manifested the way it did. I am also a second hand victim of gendered abuse, in that my biological father was a serial stalker and rapist, and other male abusers (or just self-centered family members) caused severe emotional destabilization in my childhood. I grew up viewing adult men as unstable, selfish children. My family endured a lot, and I came to resent the men in my mother’ life for not taking on the role of protector and nurturer when she needed them most. I had discovered the great lie of traditional masculinity: in the face of real crisis, grown men were not protectors. They did not hold together the domestic space. They abused or faltered and abandoned us. This was a repeated pattern among several men in different roles. I was often left picking up all the pieces, taking on roles as a child that these men could not. I had to have strength they did not.

My experience of desire for romantic intimacy with men and men in roles of stable, nurturing authority now inherently involves a jumbled emotional soup of fear, pain, and a deep longing that comes from a place of feminine vulnerability, a desire to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker.

The narrative of Hellraiser pushes a lot of buttons for me. It speaks to my own trauma experiences in a very specific way. In an effort to further that conversation, I’m trying to create a piece of art (a fic) inspired by the deeply personal feelings this film gives me.

For me, Pinhead represents the Jungian shadow masculine, a simultaneous mix of fear and desire, the potential for suffering and pleasure, and everything in between. These experiences are inherently intertwined for me. And Kirsty’s experiences mirror many of my own.

In other words, in order for me to get out of Hellraiser what I get out of Hellraiser, Pinhead has to be exactly what he is, and everything that he is. Which includes monstrosity. Which includes the potential for change. His place in the narrative must fully, truly embody this conversation I need to have with masculinity, which inherently involves painful, scary things.

Anybody demanding that I either denounce my interest in him as morally offensive because he’s a monster in the full sense of the word (and not just the aesthetic one like what is currently trending in Monster Boyfriend fandom), or force a traditional redemption arc upon him as if he were a real life human person who must repent for his real life sins, are essentially saying that I am not allowed to engage with this work of fiction in a way that is transformative for me. And that’s very unfortunate, because honestly, I think my perspective is so much more dynamic and has so much more to offer.

This is not just about basic catharsis. This is not even a power fantasy about emotionally transforming a powerful (white) dude, or “bad boy” fantasies, both standard arguments for villain stanning that feels like it has never truly represented me or the complexity of my experiences and interests. This is a full-on conversation and act of self expression I want to have through art about the experience of fear and trauma when dealing with men as a woman who desires men.

And I don’t think a person has to be traumatized in order to want to engage with this type of fiction. I want to be clear that my experience is not a justification for my interest (I do not need to justify myself), it is an example of a perspective that gets erased by the framework of these conversations.

To me, the framework of moral validity for enjoying fictional villains and monsters and whatever you please feels incredibly stifling to the complex, dynamic ideas and analysis that I want to engage in, because I, and many people I know, are consistently pressured to structure their thoughts with this framework as the only acceptable baseline of discussion. This is so ubiquitous that when people I’ve known have tried to engage in ways that diverge from that framework, the responses they get are outright confused or direct the conversation right back to the original framework they tried to avoid. Complex conversation gets steamrolled.

Somewhere in the conversation we were all having about acknowledging and discussing abuse and oppression, and acknowledging troubling patterns in media which reinforce the normalization of abuse and opression, some people decided that there was a very serious moral discussion to be had regarding the mere act of liking things which involve dark subject matter and complex, or even monstrous characters. They now argue that there are very clear cut, simple moral frameworks for A) telling stories and B) enjoying stories, and most importantly, that this moral framework is a valid justification for the social treatment and silencing of certain people.

A framework, by the way, which I think is actually not functionally a framework, because like the toxic American fundamentalist christian groups it’s thinking is structured from, it does not account for the vastly diverse moral landscape within it’s own space. There is no objectively consistent body of knowledge anybody is working from, because morals are derived from the human experience, which is inherently subjective.

Interestingly, no where does this have more of an impact than with marginalized people, and people like me, who want to express something deeper and more meaningful in the conversation about abuse and oppression than what this framework really offers us. To be honest, The more I see this kind of conversation making the rounds, the clearer it becomes that it’s a means of control and power game playing. It’s not about morality, but about how morality can be leveraged in order to silence truly diverse and nuanced perspectives and uphold people’s sense of self-comfort. It is a means of supplanting more convenient and easily digestible understandings of these highly complex subjects that require more intensive, thoughtful engagement, especially when it gets challenging. This kind of rhetoric absolves people of making room for complex and diverse experiences, and reinforces an (at face-value) easy to follow set of moral rules of how we are all allowed to think and feel.

The implication of all of this is that if we all adhere to the One True (alleged) Moral Framework of Fandom Engagement, then we will somehow come out on the other side with all the Good People having a Great Time having Squeaky Clean Fun. And I don’t think I should have to tell you at this point how stifling and disturbing the implications of that kind of mentality really are.

 Quite frankly, I think a lot of us are very tired of constantly speaking on other people’s terms.

[ofcloudsandstars]

hi, i'm fairly new to witchcraft and i was wondering if you could give me some tips on getting started/link me to reputable sources? i'd hate to accidentally disrespect someone or something.

Hey there! Thanks for your ask. Don't worry too much about the fear of treading somewhere you shouldn't be if you remember this metaphor: Witchcraft is going to be a unique experience to you and it's going to feel a lot like you are building something with a structure, like a house. Everyone's path is kind of like their own house. As long as you don't break into someone's house, or even someone's neighborhood (especially the neighborhoods with a lot of fucking theft and trespassing) then you are good. You can ask for advice or borrow sugar from your neighbors ;) but you do that by what you are doing now: kindly knocking on the door and asking.

I think everyone gets really into trying to follow traditions and such but it's best to start the first few years building a relationship with yourself and your energy before you start the whole reading and researching (and I will get more on this later) along with connecting to deities as well. Everything else is just adding on to your craft but I feel like if you have a solid foundation understanding your own energy then everything else comes naturally. Also once you understand your energy and your connection to magic and nature around you, trying to dig through other cultures and practices won't seem as appealing. It will start to be clear that those cultures created languages and well, cultures, around their relationships with magic and the local nature surrounding them, and you will essentially create your own unique traditions based on your relationship with magic and the local nature surrounding you. It will become apparent that the 'universal energies' everyone talks about is really about how the universe and energies manifest through you and less about finding other cultures accessible because they talk about these same energies. If you think of it like art class it's kind of like how everyone uses the same mediums of art utensils like paints and crayons, but there's a difference between using the same paint and flat out stealing the finished painting from someone else and calling it your own. You should use these first few years to discover your own painting style. (Also other witches I meet that have similar approach to magic as I do all have the same sort of connection and understanding since it's like we are all tapped into the universal energy but it's beautiful cause it manifests uniquely through all of us so it's like the same way nature creates many unique plants, many unique animals or landscapes yet it's all apart of one earth, we are all unique witches reflecting the earth, planets and elements but all kind of the vibe and understanding).

To elaborate on the reading thing, the reason why I am against doing endless research when you first start is because like 85% of witchcraft is subjective since most of it is based off of people's connection to their energy. The part of magic that is not subjective is the relationship to local nature since plants and other elements of nature have their own spirits and actual physical properties that can heal you, bring you to other realms, poison you, transform you etc. The best way to learn from this is less from magical books and more from herbal medicine books, alchemy, farmer's almanacs and indigenous knowledge (as long as you are not taking plants from them that are being over harvested to the point that it's inaccessible to even them.) But anyway aside from the physical realm, the energetic realm is really a big personal experience. Even you asking me this, this is mostly based off of my years of experience practicing. I am a multiracial witch that is nomadic and have lived in different climates among different countries and cultures and am first generation with not much connection to my immediate heritages. So I had to create my practice from (literally) the ground up. My magic came to me when I was super young and I didn't even think of it as witchcraft then I felt more like I was bending energy and circumstance. I was first an energy witch before anything. My witchcraft practice came from nature, the cycles around me and nature's spirits. Though I may not connect with a culture cause my relationship to that is complicated, I find my practice empowering cause no matter where I go when I adapt my practice to the bioregion, I will always be in sync with the magic there and not really fear of appropriating anything since it's kind of connected to the source of nature. My main deity is the earth, if I have a pantheon it's the planets, I am really into astrology and I work with all different types of elements and natural spirits. Working with nature also grounds magic for me since most of my witch years I got used to doing just mostly things with energy now I have physical things to ground it in. ANYWAY with all this being said, now that you kind of understand where I am coming from, it's going to influence the information I am going to give you.

(Also with the deities thing, just in general do not try to connect with spirits until you have a good understanding of your own energy and how to protect yourself. It's ok if you are coming from a culture or family that has connections to a deity and you have protection within that culture but alone with no protection you can find yourself in trouble because there are a lot of predatory spirits- and spirits are definitely tricksters- that like to get to take advantage of inexperienced and unprotected people and will pretend to be deities but will suck energy from you. You just need to know some good shielding and warding and discernment but until then, avoid it. Plus you do not need deities at all, like it should be a mutually beneficial relationship. Devoting your energy towards an entity for the chance for more power or protection, if the deity even feels like it, cause apparently it's not even guaranteed, feels a bit like joining a gang to me that's not even for your full benefit.)

Also sorry, usually my responses to these questions are fucking long, but the thing is, it's a loaded question. You are essentially asking me how to embark on a spiritual and magical journey that will transform your spirit and help you understand your energy and connection to the universe around you lol. I did answer this before, very extensively so I am going to link it here cause I think I did an ok job the first time. To summarize the main points in that post I will put them below, but I also will first add a new point I did not have in the original post:

Getting Started:

I. Tools

II. Basics

III. Exploring Yourself

IV. Exploring your Roots

V. Exploring Local Nature

VI. Resources

-------- New Point:

I. Tools This one is gonna be short cause, to get started you really just need 2 things. 1- Yourself!!! You are the source of magic! You literally got energy going through your veins and to get started with energy work that's all you gonna need. And 2- a magic journal. Yes you can call it a ~Book of Shadows~ but if you start getting anxiety like you gotta make it look fancy or some shit then don't. Especially when you are starting out you just need a book, or, actually not even a book, but take a second right now to right-click on your desktop and make a ~Folder of Shadows~ where you can save pictures, take notes and write future insights and spells and put it in there. We are in the year 2020 after all. I have a USB where I keep tons of notes, videos and pictures. I have a section of 'magic' on my iphone where I put notes for ideas or rituals when I am on the go. I have magic journals I take with me if I am going into the woods to channel ideas or to write down rituals if I am having a gathering and want to have notes. Its also ok to have more than 1 magic journal. This is a great opportunity to get that cool looking journal you wanted (or actually fill an empty journal you never had the courage to write in cause it's too nice looking) with random notes for magic. Having a book of shadows/computer folder of shadows/phone notes of shadows etc. is going to be helpful for keeping track of stuff while you build your own path.

---

Honestly one of these days I am going to make a long ass Witchcraft 101-103 and 201-203 post with the 101 focusing on getting started and figuring your magic out and the 201 more on learning about specific subjects like herbology, astrological transits, tools and crafts and how it can expand on your craft. (Along with actual books and resources cause 201 is DEFINITELY when you actually have to start reading, researching and getting into books, experiments and resources, and not only from subjective stuff but a few things that has some roots in science as well like plants and chemistry). 

If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask and I can elaborate. 

Have a good time explorin! <3 

[incarnateirony]

as an emerging lgbtq+ (i'm 'BT') guy i am so glad you're making the point you made in your last post. I've always gravitated towards Dean because he is so 'imperfect' in his queerness, like me. but he's not a uwu soft queer so apparently that bothers a lot of ppl on here? Especially younger queer women, I've noticed. But a lot of guys, cis and trans, struggle with being attracted to men so much in a way that is simply different (not better or worse) than (1/2)

being wlw, especially depending on one’s generation and region, etc. basically what i’m saying is a lot of the few queer men that there are in the fandom stay quieter as it is almost completely queer women dictating what is and what isnt, and not quite empathizing with the unique struggle many queer men have with internalized homophobia/being Unmanly for being attracted to men. hope this wasn’t too all over the place, ive had this on my mind for a Long time and i’m glad you brought it up. (2/2)

ps: I’m not trying to put down queer women for being a significant part of the fandom. I just really wish the environment of the fandom felt more like somewhere queer men’s voices can be heard better, considering the largest pairing is, needless to say, mlm

Well, first of all, welcome Nonnie. I take it you’re addressing this untitled post addressing intersectionality, representation vs tokenization, represented demographics and just general motivations of those in discussion, yes? (x)

You’ll find this is a longstanding topic of my blog, be it excavating creator commentary people have buried for their own motivations and talked down and around, or dual faceted issues. 

(If you haven’t read the crosslinks on the post you’re addressing, you may want to read The Problem With Dreamhunter (x) It discusses exactly this issue, even if it was written over a year ago at that point, showing just how cyclic this issue is. It talks about MLM/WLW intersectional issues, migrating goalposts, a bunch of show stuff and some of Bobo’s sociopolitical commentary from 2003 about advancing LGBT representation through moderate incremental methods being proven effective at expanding the media presence/platform exponentially above liberal, or more severe/extreme styles)

But when it comes down to it, basically: Yeah, you right.

I didn’t just arbitrarily develop this opinion. I didn’t… just magically tune in to what the LGBT men that literally dodge fandom, for exactly the reasons you say, and know it’s because of the reasons you say – like that didn’t manifest. It came from leaving fandom (un)”safe” spaces. It came from engaging a great variety of LGBT males in real life, many of which engage the content. From observing how they spoke of the content in multifandom servers, or even *why* they chose to avoid speaking up.

And no, I personally didn’t get a read of you, like, insulting LGBT women for their part in fandom. Women engage social media for primetime TV fandoms at an exponential rate above men, so it’s almost unavoidable and it’s nobody’s fault really, but that says nothing for the perpetual habit of drowning out their voices to the fact that– well, they literally abandon engaging.

I’ve seen it enough times it *hurts* me. I shouldn’t *have* to pull my gay writing buddy out of holes to face this, and him still hide silently. I shouldn’t *have* to be the vein of news and information on the show to the bi male friend I have that refuses to touch this fandom. I shouldn’t *have* to even speak up about this. I really do want *you all* to speak up about this, because I can only speak so far, because you’re right: OUR JOURNEYS ARE DIFFERENT.

Hell, even a cis lgbt male vs a trans lgb(t obvious) male have entirely different journeys even though they’re both validly men. These battles are not the same. One community can speak up to defend another, and help hold them up and amplify them if there’s just not enough of them to project the way they need to, and this is something *greatly under respected* in this fandom. Nobody’s holding up the LGBT male voices when actually talking about representation. And you’re right, it’s mostly women, and you’re right, our path is different and our struggles and needs and wants and lives are different. But unless you take a considerable amount of time talking and sharing and learning personally the perspective of the LGBT male community, you’re not… really… helping them speak.

And let it be said, “holding up LGBT male voices” does not and should never equate to “despite having multiple LGBT men saying one thing, I found the one LGBT male saying the thing that matches what I want, who may or may not even actually be in the targeted demographic set of the character we’re discussing representation about, because it’s more than just being bi, it’s entire lives, paths and challenges– but you know, I found the ONE, so fuck the others.” That’s using your friends as tokens and cards. If you want to genuinely add to the conversation, what you do is you introduce your male LGBT friend to the other male LGBT friends and let them have a long conversation to talk out the sources of their disagreements before engaging in conversation.

But drawing a pretty base line collective from all people in the represented demographic, respectfully learning the majority wants and needs and struggles, and helping voice those is pretty key.

Women can sit here all day, and pass around things they’ve been told by other women are woke points, or things that sound progressive and good, and often sort of decontextualized from their purpose (be that the dresswear mentioned shortly hereafter, or what LGBT want/expect/SHOULD want or expect – but in the end, if you’re not sitting down and having dialogues – not just with one, or two, or even three LGBT men – but large handfuls and subsets, able to actually critically examine the differences in LGBT males of gen X, Y, or Z and their lives and stories – if you’re not doing that… If *that* isn’t the core of your discussion values, rather than pass-along buzz vibes– then you’re really not talking representation. You think you are. But you’re not.

There’s the uh. Thing. You noticed. About how women expect the men to engage.

When it comes to young queer women, I’m going to risk pissing some people off, but the long and short of it is (I could probably dig up the link but it’s been an eternity) a while ago they ran a psychological study to figure out why young women were attracted to yaoi, and gay porn, especially what is essentially stereotypical force-role type gay porn. It has to do with blooming attraction, primal fear, and trying to make the men more appealing in a way that does not intimidate them. 

This later manifests into feminizing them, setting twink/bear roles that go beyond into top/bottom, and conflating it with penetration, position, power, dom/sub, fork/spoon, sometimes served with a dose of internalized misogyny being projected into the vessel of whatever twink/sub is positioned, and generally— like, kink culture. Often this is passed with narrowly progressive-masked arguments of “Men should be allowed to be feminine if they want!” rather than a genuine answer to, “Why do you perpetually heterosexually resize, or reframe, and enforce heterosexual structure onto characters that do not meet this mold, and why is that a personal gain to you?” because in the end– it’s a personal gain. And again, at that point it’s not about representation.

Now again, I’m not… shaming anyone for having a kink. But kink/fetish needs/wants have blurred themselves in as if to hedge on equal territory to discussing canon content. Or sprinkling the quite literal fetishized art (power to you if that’s your thing, I guess, even if I do bear discomfort over fetishization of any LGBT demographic, even by another LGBT demographic) and reasoning with dialogue that implies it as being representative, and inserting that into the representation discussion, which *literally* just makes the entire bog muddier, makes the LGBT men trying to speak more easily dismissed in a vat of “just women/fetishists”, it just– it’s Not a Good. I’m… personally not a fan of it. Like at all. A lot of it makes me angry tbh. So I don’t engage. I don’t browse fanfiction. I look at very little art. 

Hell most of the people around here don’t even realize it’s actually a *minority* of LGBT men that choose to engage in penetrative sex, but it’s become a topic of outright obsession around here. There is so much simple… lack of awareness and discussion of the lives LGBT men lead, even by LGBT women because again – we don’t have your path. We can only listen to you. (And BOY have I gotten earfuls from my LGBT male friends absolutely going apeshit banana bonkers over fandom’s obsession with penetration culture, gender role enforcement while feigning it as liberation, and all kinds of other stuff. And that’s what I base most of my talking points on.)

Because if I’m going to talk representation, I’m going to talk about representing the demographic the character is supposed to represent, not molding him into a tokenized wash-over of every single person’s wants. If you’re an LGBT woman that can resonate with Dean Winchester, that’s great. Sometimes representation can be shared. But a character’s origin determines what demo he represents and not all of any given representative’s character’s attributes, methods, functions, anything – not all of it is going to meet any one person’s goals collectively, but the target demographic is inevitably closer to it.

Another point to raise is that it feels like people have lost track of *what* the representation battle is about. It isn’t just about any one person attaching to any one character. It’s about developing a TVscape that looks more representative of the real world, with a fair presence of PoC, of women, of LGBT people of all types, of the disabled community, of people that are even more than one of these, of people with different stories: people. About, well, normalizing it, because it should be normal. About saturating television enough that one day, and that day will not just be tomorrow per convenience, that people won’t be desperate for representation even vaguely in their wheelhouse, that they can turn on and see people of any intersectional type and go– wow, the world finally realizes we’re real. And that in that wide, realistic menu, yes, being able to turn a channel and eventually see someone *just like you*. A day when any show turned on has at least *someone* in your wheelhouse because every show eventually should have some sort of realistic spread, but if you find the *right* show, *there you are.*

That’s how it’s built. We don’t start by footstomping and tokenizing everyone to be vaguely representative of everyone or it doesn’t count because it didn’t work for *them*. We start by sharing truly diverse narratives, each unique to their own, just as diverse as straight stories are, maybe even more. That’s the only way you’re actually going to end up with a TVscape full of The Gays, and full enough to find *explicitly yourself* in there.

Deleting normalized, non-sensationalist text for lacking either visibility or flavor, even if you weren’t the intended demographic for it to speak to, is quite literally contrary to the entire fight.

and tbh?

This shit is why I hate shipping culture.

And I say that as someone who presumably “ships” Dean and Cas, if it’s shipping to address canon bullshit happening in front of you and just watch the show as it folds out without going into denial for *whatever* personal reason. 

There’s a lot of well intended people, most shipping fandom is full of good beans, but as a collective group – skewed by sociopathically manipulated dialogues we can literally track the origins of – have been driven into much of the above while genuinely believing they were doing the right thing, in a long chain of being told this was what and how to fight for, without really stopping and critically examining the nuance of the conversation. Because why would you? Seems to be the popular gay thing to do – while a lot of bisexual people currently hide their commentary via reblog hashtags or hedge awkwardly into an anon box sideways.

That all said, it continues to be my focus. It will never change on this blog. I will never surrender to being pressured, be it by antis or bitters or people just wanting to argue, into pretending things that were text are subtext. I will not move that goalpost. You are real, and you are valid, and you are welcome in my inbox any time, Nonnie, confidentiality guaranteed. Like, DM too.

but lmao like shit, dawg. There’s a reason the LGBT guys I’ve had as writing partners as Dean literally refuse to play with another Cas. That’s not just because I’m a *super aweSOME auTHOr*, it’s because they recognize I do not come from the wing lost to fanfiction, to troll wars, or even to shipping culture, love of a ship be damned. I don’t try to force gender roles on them. I listen when they speak, and often, surprise many with the angle I ever enter discussion or listening from to begin with, because of spending so many years listening to begin with. It’s an intrinsic understanding of why they resonate with the content, not what I can pull some transformative art stuff on or wanting to *make* it into anything else to fit *my* molds. It’s because of being someone engaged to the male perspective, without the need to twist or change a character to be content with it, and being WILLING to hold those challenging conversations.

Listen first. Talk later. But never in front of or over the people you claim to be talking for.

[echodrops]

So, just because I was rereading HaaH and a bit curious, you described Keith’s communication with Red as being mostly through visuals and scents (which was super fucking cool and a very interesting detail, btw) but I was wondering—how do the other Paladins communicate with their lions? (if it’s not spoilers, ofc) Hope you’re having a nice summer! ❤️❤️❤️

A cool ask!

Keith

The story mentions that Keith speaks to Red via a combination of visuals and scents, but I can say a little more about it here too before I go on to the others–the Lions tailor their communication specifically to match the paladin they are bonded with. If Red had a different partner, he would “speak” differently to that person. Red and Keith communicate through sight and scent because these are Keith’s strongest senses and the ones to which he has his most visceral reactions. Most importantly though, Red doesn’t just choose images and scents at random; Red’s consciousness is directly tied to Keith’s consciousness. Therefore, when Red wants to convey a concept to Keith, he can choose to reach directly into Keith’s mind and pick the exact sights and smells that Keith associates with that concept. (If Red wanted to convey the idea of “rage,” for example, he might flash Keith’s memory of fighting with Commander Iverson after the failure of the Kerberos mission.)

It should be noted, however, that Red is also a very stubborn, not-remotely-domesticated lion, and so sometimes he’ll use his own associations for concepts instead of Keith’s. This has led to a sort of half-”human”-half-(alien) animal visual/scent language where something like the concept of “humor” sometimes gets communicated as “that one time Matt Holt got stuck in a locker” and other times gets communicated as “that one time I toyed with a tiny enemy until it died.”

By the way, Red and Keith’s method of communication would be completely and utterly incomprehensible to anyone else who tried to experience it. Like… Willy Wonka terror tunnel levels of incomprehensible.

The rest are under the read more to save people’s dashes:

Pidge

Pidge and Green communicate in an extremely complex way: they “share” data like a cloud database, but the information they send back and forth to each other is a constant scrolling feed of a thousand different encryption codes and languages, from basic ciphers all the way up to DNA encoding values. When Pidge and Green link up, it’s the equivalent of Pidge’s brain being hardwired directly into the internet, if the internet was… you know… an ageless, all-knowing fragment of the universe and all combined matter self-actualized into a single physical form at one moment in space-time. It’s extremely mentally demanding, and no one without an absolutely astronomical IQ and encyclopedic knowledge of data encoding and reading could ever hope to understand even a sliver of it. Even Pidge has really only scratched the surface of the amount of information Green is able to convey; there are limits to how much the human brain can comprehend and process, and Green respects that–she has to, or Pidge would experience an aneurysm from an extreme over-activation of brain tissue and die within seconds of exposure to Green’s “full voice.”

Pidge and Green are the only paladin/lion pair whose method of communication is completely intelligible to someone who is not a paladin–Matt Holt can understand and communicate with Green as easily as Pidge can, because, as siblings, the Holts grew up sharing all the same codes. Likewise, Green is partially intelligible to Hunk, enough so that he can communicate with her if Green chooses to “speak” to him. He’d be able to fully understand Green if he saw a point in studying up on the rest of the specific languages and ciphers Pidge knows, but there’s really no time to bother with that when there’s always so much else going on.

Hunk

Remember that scene in Harry Potter where the sorting hat asks if Harry really doesn’t want to be in Slytherin because he’d be just as great there as in Gyrffindor? That’s what happened with Hunk and Yellow. Although it would have been totally possible for Hunk and Yellow to communicate in a way extremely similar to Pidge and Green (albeit more along the lines of mathematical calculations than DNA encoding), Hunk asked Yellow to pick the form of communication that Yellow himself would feel most comfortable with, and thus Hunk and Yellow do not communicate in words, data, or images–they communicate by a constant sharing of their feelings and intuition. Yellow and Hunk’s bond is deeply physically focused, with the feelings of one impacting the other as directly as if they shared one brain. When Yellow is nervous, Hunk gets goosebumps. When Hunk is resolved, Yellow’s roar can shake stars in the sky. Although Hunk often speaks out loud to his Lion, this is mostly just from habit; Yellow does not take note of Hunk’s words but instead responds to the emotional truths that exist behind those spoken words. Unlike Pidge or Keith, whose methods of “speaking” require at least fractions of a second to translate, Yellow and Hunk’s communications are instantaneous and they never experience even the slightest miscommunication. Everyone quickly learned to trust the things Hunk tells them based on what he feels from Yellow, even if they themselves have never gotten so much as inkling of emotion from the Yellow Lion.

Only one issue has arisen from Hunk and Yellow’s method of communication: there are feelings which the lions experience which humans do not, and even a few feelings humans experience which the lions do not. Once exposed to these feelings, neither one of the pair could “unfeel” them, and thus Hunk is now the only human in the universe capable of feeling certain emotions which are not native to human beings, and Yellow has been saddled with the unbearable knowledge that sometimes ugly things are actually adorable.

Shiro

The Black Lion is very different from the other lions. So different, in fact, that there’s honestly no comparison to even be drawn. Although the other lions are irrevocably still at least somewhat “animalistic” in their behaviors and functions, the Black Lion is a lion in form only, and its mind is nothing like an animal’s. The way the Black Lion and its bond to paladins works is so unique from the other lions that we might as well be talking about a totally different form of relationship. The Black Lion does not communicate with its paladin–the Black Lion IS its paladin.

The other lions are able to touch and operate within the confines of their paladins’ minds when their paladins are near or when they really want to “speak.” But Black just exists within Shiro at all times–Black has tied itself to Shiro’s life force, to his physical form, to every cell and even atom of his being. Shiro is the Black Lion’s vessel, and yet there is no separation between their identities–they are not two souls sharing one body, but an interwoven existence that is simultaneously both human and something utterly unknowable.

All the lions are “magical” creatures, as much metaphysical beings as they are robotic monsters, but Black is something else entirely. Shiro can’t explain it. Allura can’t explain it. Coran can’t explain it. Even during the process of their creation, neither Alfor nor any of the people who worked on the forging of the lions could explain it. Black is the breath of the cosmos. A manifestation of life itself. The first spark. The invisible, immeasurable dark matter that permeates the unending universe and allows all things to be. All knowledge. All energy.  

Black and Shiro do not “communicate” because they do not need to. When the Black Lion wishes Shiro to know something, Shiro simply knows it. Things that human beings should not be capable of doing, the Black Paladin can do.

As long as the Black Lion wills it, for as long as it deigns to lend power to the physical realm, Shiro and Black move as one, united in thought, purpose, and deed–seeing with the same eyes, feeling with the same heart.

Lance

Although it might sound like Shiro has the closest relationship with his lion–inextricably soul-bound and all–this is actually inaccurate. Shiro and Black’s bond is essentially one-sided, initiated by Black to suit the lion’s purpose, with an equally frustrated and humbled Shiro doing his best to reach out to the inexplicable entity, to limited success. They share an existence but not, necessarily, a “relationship.” 

The paladin who actually has the closest bond with his lion is Lance, although Lance himself is completely unaware of this. Because communication between the lions and their paladins is so unique, Lance has never recognized that what he can do with Blue (the degree of fluidity that exists in their communication) is not standard and is, in fact, the closest a lion and paladin have ever managed to personally connect before.

Lance and Blue simply love each other. They aren’t just allies, they aren’t just knight and weapon, they aren’t just guardian and charge–before any and all of that, they’re genuinely friends. Lance cares for Blue as if she were another person on their team, a person just like any other, with normal thoughts, feelings, wants, and wishes. He listens to Blue’s boasts and fears, her anecdotes, her memories, and shares his own in turn. Sometimes he has to work twice as hard with his products to hide the dark circles under his eyes because he stays up all night holding nigh-endless conversations with his lion. Although all the lions can sense their paladins across entire galaxies, Lance is the only one who can speak to his lion from any distance; there is no limit that Blue has found. Through Lance, Blue has come to understand the lives of mortal beings in a way that none of the other regular lions seem to–she is the only one that fully grasps and values the individuality of humans. Lance taught her what names mean. What family is. Destiny is a strange concept, constantly under suspicion, but it was nothing short of destiny that determined Lance and Blue should meet. Aka if you say a word about the lion swap to me I will stomp you to death with my hooves.

All of this was mostly possible because, being the first of the humans to meet his lion, Lance had zero preconceptions about what his relationship with a giant sentient catship should look like. It simply never occurred to him that the Blue Lion might not be able to talk. He expected his lion to speak to him, and so she did. Her voice sounds exactly like what Lance thinks a talking lion should sound like. (There is a lot of purring involved, because Lance was not made aware, until much later, that normal lions cannot, in fact, purr.) She reminds him, somewhat painfully, of his mom.

Blue’s voice cannot be understood by any of the other paladins, however, because she does not want it to be. If anyone else were to listen in on Lance and Blue’s mental conversations, Blue’s voice sounds simply like droplets of water, like rain on the surface of a previously smooth pond.

On one–and only one–previous occasion, the Blue Lion chose to speak to Keith. His feelings about that day, and the long, lonely months that came after it, are a bitter mix of resentment and painful gratitude.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/karmic-tools-weekly-forecast-july-7-13-2019/

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: July 7 – 13, 2019

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: July 7 – 13, 2019

By Kelly M. Beard

The video version of this forecast, as read by Kelly, is available here.

The Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast covers the current planetary transits which affect people in different ways and to various degrees of intensity. Take notice when it is a Personal planet (Sun / Moon / Mercury / Venus / Mars) interacting with a Social (Jupiter/Saturn) or Collective planet (Uranus / Neptune/Pluto). And pay extremely close attention when it is a Social planet interacting with a Collective planet because that means something *big* is brewing that will move large groups of people along their evolutionary paths. Tuning in to the energy and rhythm of the planets can serve as a useful *guide* as you move along your Individual Path. It also helps to understand your place within the context of the larger Social & Collective Story. Below, you will find out how these energies tend to manifest, as well as guidance and direction. 

*NOTE*  There are some days when there are NO CONTACTS (besides the Moon), please note that there are no missing entries, we just list the actual Activations of each week + the day they happen.

Weekly Forecast: July 7 – 13, 2019

7/7 ~ Mercury Retrograde in LEO Mercury is going to go backwards in Leo, asking us to review our creative projects and reconnect with the Heart. This is a chance to rewire your magnetics in a way that is deeply supported by it spending more time reviewing late Cancer. We are being asked to release childhood traumas & dramas, stop letting them color the present and start taking responsibility for our words, thoughts & deeds. This energy reminds us we cannot be superficial with no substance, beauty with no heart, love with no trust. This is also one of three times a year that we get to give our Mental Body a much-needed break. Yes, mechanical breakdowns & miscommunications abound, but conversing with your Soul Self, communing with your Invisible Team (Angels, Ancestors & Animal Spirit Guides) and more right-brain activities are much more supported, and often magical, with Mercury Retrograde. This feeds into all the Solstice/Eclipse advice I have already given to dedicate some time to self-care. The initial stop in Leo tells us that the Heart is involved and if it doesn’t “feel” right, it is best to hold off until it does. Obviously, you cannot stop the world for any retrograde, so the caveat with this one is to check, re-check, triple check the details and the bottom lines; thoroughly read through any contracts and don’t be shy about asking folks to clarify if you are still not clear. Usually, the attention to detail (and following your own instincts & intuition, which is also better supported at this time) will help you catch any mistakes before it is too late to correct them. That said, retrogrades, especially Mercury, are actually great for finishing projects (not necessarily starting them) and fixing or finally addressing something that has been on the back-burner. Finally, it is also recommended to take as many personal time-outs for some “me-time” as you possibly can throughout the Summer of 2019 because the Summer of 2020 is going to be something else entirely.

7/8 ~ Chiron Retrograde in ARIES Last year, Chiron took its last dip into Pisces for 50-years so for those of you born 1960-1968, you have now completed a very deep healing process, while those born 1968-1977 are being initiated. This retrograde is his first full retrograde in Aries and so we have all been put on notice, especially those with this placement. We can all consciously honor the healing, education & personal transformation that Chiron facilitates. Pisces taught us about sensitivity & boundary issues, being a spirit in human form. Now, in Aries, we are opening up to the new directive of self-healing, self-assembling & self-mastery going forward. Chiron is best known as the Wounded Healer, the aspect of Self that came in with a wound to address this lifetime and in your chart, it represents your *Healing & Educational Path* – it is all that you learn on the journey to wholeness & integration and the healing & education that results from that journey. This 5-month period is going to reveal where you’re at in your own process. This time is deeply supported for a personal inventory or inner review. You have to be willing to face the fears & hurts, accept the losses & defeats, and then get up, dust yourself off & try again. Chiron can help guide this process. It’s time to be brave & pioneering (clearly, the old ways no longer work), it’s time to follow our instincts (though first we may have to connect to them properly), it’s time to face challenges head-on, and remember that though we have to do for Self (be self-sufficient & self-contained), we do not have to do it alone. So this time is really going to support the evolution of the individual within the context of the community or their relationships. It is all connected, if one evolves (Self), the other (Relationship) has to evolve too (or dissolve & go away).

7/8 ~ Venus (relationships, love & money) ~sextile~ Uranus (clarity & inspiration): This energy, thanks to Uranus, activates a certain spark of electricity in the air. New relationships will have an unusual aspect to them and old ones can break-to-realign in a positive, even fun way with this energy. No monotonous routine, humdrum people or boring collaborations with this one. Use it to access your own unique genius and deep well of creativity and then share if you can, with other like-hearted Souls. Take advantage of this energy to tap into areas you may not have realized were available to you before now. Keep it light and upbeat; socialize and enjoy the experience of different people or new activities. Keep in mind, however, any relationships begun this week may not be based on qualities needed for long term survival. It is more of a time to enjoy the people and experiences that pass through and accept it as a gift!

7/8 ~ Mercury Rx (thoughts) ~conjunct~ Mars (energy): I have to preface this with two things: (1) is when Mercury is involved, it is a relatively fast-moving energy. (2) is when Mars is involved, being the lower version of power (Pluto being the Higher version), it reminds us that with power, also comes responsibility. Now, that all said, the positive expression of this energy is that you can control your mind and direct it with passion, getting tangible results. This heightens your intellectual ability and mental capacity (for better or worse). You will be able to clearly articulate your thoughts and you should have quick, effective responses. If you maintain your integrity, this is an excellent time to ‘fuel’ major creative expression. If this energy manifests its negative side, it can make you petty & combative, arguing over nonsense and wasting precious time & energy in ego control-dramas. And if it is not coming FROM you, it is just as possible to be coming AT you (from others). This is the best time to put your energy (Mars) behind your thoughts, ideas and words (Mercury) and get creative. The power of this pairing is that they are occupying the same space, essentially energizing each other and initiating a new 2-year cycle.

7/9 ~ Sun (core essential Self) ~oppose~ Saturn (physical limits & definition of reality): This is an annual process of development. The Sun makes it personal and about you the individual. Saturn helps move your timeline along and build the literal aspects of life, the basics of providing for yourself (food, shelter etc) and your own personal limitations. What renewed aspect of Self got activated about 6-months ago and how do you want that to fully develop over the next 6-months? This is a potent midpoint, the most powerful course-correcting time in any cycle, this one being an annual meeting between Sun & Saturn, a check-point between you and your responsibilities. Each year, you evolve, some years more consciously than others so this is a good time to check in with your own personal definitions of what you are or are no longer responsible for. Often, this energy activates a push-pull between who you are and who you want to be; between what you want to do and what you have to do. My age-old advice is to: do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do. And while it may not be the easiest path, it’s usually worth it for the peace of mind that it brings. You may swing between extremes of fulfilling all your obligations to the neglect of your own Truth & Purpose -or- neglecting your obligations and doing whatever you choose, which only means those obligations will be there when you get to them and they will have most likely increased by the time you do. Balance is the key! Practice, there is no perfection and it’s time to practice handling business before pleasure.

7/10 ~ Sun (authentic Self) ~trine~ Neptune (intuition): This energy triggers your idealistic, altruistic inclinations, but remember that help has to be invited. But if you have the energy to share & to spare, then dedicate your Self to something greater than you. Choose a cause to support or help those less fortunate for the sheer pleasure of giving. If your energy is low at this time, it may be better directed inward. If you can, take some extra time in intentional solitude, praying, meditating and connecting to Spirit this week, you will be rewarded with deep revelations & mystical discoveries within you. It’s a great time to do divinations, ritual or ceremony if you’re into that. Your intuition is heightened also, so pay attention to any ‘messages’ that come through or to you. Try to use this energy to reflect on where you are and dream a little about where you want to be, mentally, spiritually and physically in 6-months to a year from now.

7/11 ~ Mars (action) ~square~ Uranus (freedom): This is the “Rebel” energy – what’s your “cause”? If you are clear about your own authentic Truth & Purpose, then this energy is refreshing and uplifting. You acknowledge that change is necessary (and inevitable) and you co-create with this energy to transform your current life. This is a rebirth energy too and being “reborn” is never easy. Worth it – but not easy. However, if you are NOT clear about who you are and what you’re capable of, this energy shines a light on that aspect of your life which you instinctively already know needs an overhaul but for whatever reason you are still holding on to the old habits/patterns. Unwilling or unable to embrace change at this time, you only increase the feeling of being restricted by external energies. Your life is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside you. How’s it lookin’? Check your ego, recommit to your Truth and remember that change is GOOD! And if you don’t go voluntarily (read: consciously), then you’ll get dragged to the new level, kicking and screaming and you’ll be so exhausted when you get there that you may miss the beauty in evolving to that next level. (This IS what you’ve been working toward, correct?) Remember, conscious, effective action creates freedom.

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[wrockingwriter]

Obscurials: Before, During... After?

What we know about Obscurus and Obscurials is very limited.

We know:

- An Obscurus is NOT a magical creature, so it’s not like a dementor or lethifold. It’s not a beast at all, there are not wild Obscurus, which means that they are unique to their Obscurial and tied to them entirely.

- An Obscurus is formed when someone with magic represses their magic entirely; that person is called an Obscurial.

- An Obscurial has to have trauma/fear driving the repression; fear is essential to an Obscurus forming

- Obscurus were more common before the International Statute of Secrecy, when magical people feared the repercussions of being found by people who would cause real harm to them.

- Common knowledge in the universe (according to the MACUSA) is that there hasn’t been an Obscurus/Obscurial in centuries, which is obviously false based on both Credence and the Sudanese girl Newt encounters.

- Obscurus are destructive, and at least vaguely parasitic in nature, fuelled by fear and anger and hate.

- There is NO record of an Obscurial surviving past 10 years old.

--- So, knowing that, we have a few characters that we already know of in the original Harry Potter series that had the potential to be Obscurials, just based on their having dark and potentially abusive pasts, but did not:

Harry Potter: Obviously lives in a negative situation, but doesn’t show any signs of being an Obscurial. Violent things don’t happen around him, his magic always acted in ways that protected him in passive ways far more like accidental magic. Also, as part of a running theme of the series, Harry Potter is Oblivious to anything that directly affects him. He ends up on a roof while running away from bullies, that’s cool. His hair grows back overnight, at least he doesn’t have to go to school with that shitty haircut! The glass disappears at the zoo, and he thinks it’s weird but doesn’t think he had anything to do with it.

Harry’s noticing/realising that there was anything in common between those magical experiences is what I think stopped an Obscurus from forming. He wasn’t repressing anything because he did not think he had anything to repress- his obliviousness saved himself.

Tom Riddle Jr.: Lives in an orphanage, which we’re not shown in a favourable light. But, Tom Riddle doesn’t ever view his magic as something negative. He saw it as a tool that would make him more powerful than his bullies. He saw it as something positive that made him unique, instead of it being something that set him as a bigger target for the older children/bullies at the orphanage.

Tom not viewing his magic as negative, or something to be hidden, is what I think stopped him from becoming an Obscurial and forming an Obscurus. His circumstances were negative, but he never allowed fear to dominate his thoughts when it came to the unknown power that made him unique

Merope Gaunt: Probably the one character who came closest to becoming an Obscurial, Merope lived in a heavily emotionally (and physically, going by the attempted strangling Bob Ogden stops) abusive household. Her father Marvolo and her brother Morfin are shown repeatedly calling her a squib and blood traitor. Albus Dumbledore himself says that powerful negative emotions endured on a chronic basis can interfere/drain on a person’s powers, and this certainly applies. They call her a muggle, ask what her wand is even for, and this obviously has taken a toll on her. She’s shut down, barely able to control what little magic she exhibits, when Bob Ogden visits.

Merope’s sources of trauma/fear/abuse are removed from her home and thus her life. During the time they were gone she was able to try and use her magic, eventually snagging Tom Riddle Sr. through duplicitous means. Whether it was by potion or Imperius curse doesn’t really matter, she used magic to get this end. I think that the fact that she had examples of magic that weren’t inherently tied to abuse probably helped her to not entirely repress her magic because of her fear. And thus prevented an Obscurus from fully forming. (Though I DO think her years of not really accepting her magic (mostly due to her family’s abuse) caused a strain on her body that her months in squalor following her releasing Tom Sr. from his mental slavery assisted in causing her death right after giving birth to Tom Riddle Jr.)

--- We’ve only got two examples of character that were/are for SURE Obscurials: 

The Sudanese girl Newt encounters at age 8, a few months prior to the first FB film, whose Obscurus is likely the one inside Newt’s trunk held in the stasis bubble. This would explain why Newt is under the impression that he could separate an Obscurus from the Obscurial, as he managed to contain this Obscurus though the Obscurial still perished.

Credence Barebone who we encounter in young adulthood, around age 20. Which is FAR beyond the recorded age Obscurials reach. Double that, in fact. Lives in an incredibly dark situation; surrounded by the New Salemers and their rhetoric, being raised by their leader who hates the concept of magic, and being scorned upon by the general populace because of his adoptive family.

He’s shown to be in at the very least an emotionally abusive household, adopted by a woman who takes corporal punishment way too far. Mary-Lou Barebone says to Credence ‘Your mother was a wicked, unnatural woman!’  which implies that she knew Credence’s birth mother. She beats him often, to the point where Credence doesn’t offer any reasons or excuses when Mary-Lou extends her hand for his belt.

Credence sees magic as a way to escape the life he’s currently leading. He willingly spends time searching for the child Graves (Grindelwald) asks him to find, under the impression that if he succeeded Credence would be taught magic. That he would be able to escape from his current living situation. He fears Mary-Lou and her beatings, but sees Graves (Grindelwald) and his talents as positive (though we don’t know how they came into contact), and truly views himself as being without magical talent.

He knows that anything that sets him apart from anyone else in Mary-Lou’s eyes is cause for a beating. Even without knowing he has magic, he knows anything different is going to cause him pain and thus should never be expressed. He suppresses any kind of individuality, doing and wearing whatever Mary-Lou instructs.

In the newest trailers for the Crimes of Grindelwald, it’s revealed that Credence is a Lestrange (his bloodline will likely play a large role in his surviving as an Obscurial/controlling the Obscurus for so long) but the circumstances surrounding his adoption are still unknown. He obviously doesn’t remember his family of origin, but each time he tried to address Mary-Lou in a familiar way he is rejected, though she doesn’t do much to dissuade him from thinking of Chastity and Modesty as his siblings, she still beats him far more than any of the other children she’s adopted. Which seems to imply that he was quite young when he was adopted, and Mary-Lou likely beat him for any accidental magic without explaining what had caused the punishment.

The Obscurus we see in the film shows us exactly how destructive they can be. First destroying a No-Maj residence, then killing Henry Shaw Jr, and later Mary-Lou/Modesty,  all leading toward the final confrontations at the end of the film. Credence has no memory of any of the actions taken by the Obscurus, still believing himself as being powerless until he seemingly has a moment of connection when GrindelGraves says that he has no further use for him when Credence leads him to a frightened Modesty after Mary-Lou’s death-by-Obscurus and Modesty’s death in the wreckage of their building.

Credence seems to have a moment where his conscious wants (escape, magic) and subconscious desires (freedom) meet and agree with one another in Credence’s rage at GrindelGraves. From what we can see, an Obscurus is a separation of the magic of a person from their body. The Obscurus takes actions that align with the subconscious desires of the Obscurial they’re attached to (Henry Shaw’s death is the clearest example of this) but doesn’t seem to leave the Obscurial with the memories associated with those actions. So this anger seems to cause the knowledge of having this power to awaken, and in his rage he’s able to have some semblance of control over the force he’s unleashed.

At the panel I hosted at LeakyCon 2018, at several points people who studied and work in Psychological fields, or in Family Law, talked about the kinds of ways younger minds cope with awful situations. How dissociation breakthroughs, when the affected people start to reconnect these facets of themselves, usually came with emotional extremes. Being pushed to a limit. If we think about Credence and his magic like two facets of someone with a dissociative disorder, those things match up. Credence is a prime example of the repercussions of an abused child and the lengths they go through to survive.

Throughout the final confrontation with the Obscurus, appealing to Credence as a person, showing care, seemed to bring Credence more into himself- he almost calms down completely under Newt and Tina’s affections and promises of protection! But GrindelGraves interrupts their attempts with more violence, immediately bringing Credence back into the fight AND flight response the Obscurus channels in him.

At the end of the film, there’s a focus on one wisp of the Obscurus- and we now know that Credence is not only IN the Crimes of Grindelwald film, but is central to the film. He’s a person again, coming back from being a smoke manifestation of destruction, but we have no knowledge of how much he remembers from that last confrontation.

--- The final person I want to talk about is the one we’re all pretty much positive was an Obscurial

Ariana Dumbledore: Violently attacked by three muggle boys at the age of 6 for accidental magic, their father Percival went to Azkaban for going after the boys in question and Kendra moved the family to Godric’s Hollow. There they kept Ariana out of public view, and many people either didn’t know about the Dumbledore daughter or thought that Kendra had produced a squib.

Aberforth describes the aftereffects of it as ‘it destroyed her… She wouldn’t use magi, but she couldn’t get rid of it; it turned inwards and drove her mad, it exploded out of her when she couldn’t control it, and at times she was strange and dangerous. But mostly she was sweet, and scared, and harmless.’ He speaks of how he was able to calm her when no one else could, but that she was unbalanced and had magic exploding out of her at moments she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

During one of her fits of seething rage/uncontrollable magic that Aberforth was not there to curtail, their mother Kendra ended up dead. Only a few months after her death Albus, and Gellert had the argument/duel that ended with Ariana’s death. Ariana is 14 at the time of the event.

The isolation from people outside of the family likely contributed to her fears, but also kept her aware of magic outside of herself not being inherently bad. Traumatic experiences are even more so to the mind of a child- at least, the things that went wrong for me as a child seemed impossibly huge and awful. Actually, most emotions seemed incredibly powerful and extreme from my view as a kid. Everything is the ____ thing EVER, which I can see contributing heavily to Obscurus forming. They’re formed by repression and intense negative emotion- and few have as intense emotions as children.

Aberforth is under the impression that Ariana was attempting to help during the duel, and lost control- but there’s also the distinct possibility that this was her moment of clarity, where her conscious wants (for the fighting to stop) and subconscious desires (for her brothers to get along again) met and she saw no reason to restrain the force within anymore.

Ariana being an Obscurial, and losing control in the duel between Albus and Gellert to reveal this power concealed within her, would also explain Grindelwald’s obsession with Obscurus and Obscurials in the film. There’s little else that could connect the to film series’ together as strongly as the (mostly ignored) Dumbledore past and the Dark Lord who inspired Voldemort.

(I have a silly side theory that Ariana’s Obscurus, after her death, whatever little bit of it had thought, put itself into the Hog’s Head portrait. Why else would Aberforth have a portrait of her when she was so helpless instead of when she was happy?)

Credence and Ariana both have positive associations of magic (Ariana with her family, Credence with GrindelGraves) while having a great fear associated with it (Ariana’s attack by the muggle boys, Credence’s adoptive mother beating him) and a clear preference for one sibling over another (Aberforth, for Ariana, and Modesty for Credence) and their magical explosions accidentally killed someone they cared for (Kendra Dumbledore and Chastity Barebone).

--- Obscurus, what are they in relation to Obscurials?

As an Obscurus is NOT a magical creature, and instead is a parasitic manifestation of magic, they’re unique to the person they’re formed from.

I’m pretty positive that they’re the actual separation of magic from the magical person. They’re the negative manifestation of their magic, destructive and influenced by the subconscious thoughts of the person they’re attached to.

- This tenuous connection of thought between the Obscurus and Obscurial had some attendees ask if, maybe, an Obscurus is kind of like an accidental Horcrux, but without a container it can’t exist for very long. Which would explain the historical reports of Obscurus appearing, causing a lot of damage, and disappearing. It would also kind of explain the near-compulsion Kowalski had when he saw it in the trunk to approach it.

- This connection also bring into question- does an Obscurus who, for lack of a better word, consumes their Obscurial consume the body as well?           I think that, if it’s a purposeful giving over to the emotional overload, the Obscurus will use all the energy available to them- including their life and the bits holding their body together.           But I also feel like an Obscurus gets to the point of being able to take over the Obscurial, just overwhelming them without their agreement or relinquishment of what little control they have, that the Obscurial dies as a result of the SHOCK of their magic completely separating from their body.

Can an Obscurus exist without their Obscurial?           I don’t think they can take action, or exist for very long. I think that an Obscurus, as a manifestation of subconscious intent and repressed magic, cannot exist without a purpose. I think an Obscurus would exist for a moment, but without a target/mission would dissipate. I think the Obscurus in Newt’s trunk, if released from the stasis bubble thing, would have a moment of action before falling apart.

Can a forming Obscurus be destroyed/reintegrated with their Obscurial?           I think that an Obscurial, early in the stages of developing an Obscurus, could halt and likely even reverse the process by no longer repressing their magic. An acceptance of their magic could likely stop an Obscurus from forming because it wouldn’t be repressed, and the person in question would no longer have strong negative emotions associated with their magic either.

Can Credence control his Obscurus?           I think his ability to do so is going to rely a lot on his bloodline, probably. I also think that, in order for him to even begin to do such a thing he’s going to have to confront and accept his past. Not forgive, but accept that it happened to him and learn from it and build from it.           I think Credence’s story is going to be about accepting and recovering from horrible trauma, and that the things that mark you as a target aren’t necessarily negative things. Credence’s story is going to be about acceptance and growth past trauma and fear, and the things you can build from it.

BUT NOW THAT WE’VE COVERED THESE THINGS I HAVE A THEORY FOR YOU!

We have many examples of light and dark magic in the series, and the differences between. We know that dark magic is destructive and light magic is mostly passive.

I’m going to claim here that an Obscurus is the opposite of a Patronus- or, rather, that they’re flip sides of the same coin. Magical protectors inherently tied to one magical person in particular.

- Both Obscurus and Patronus are powered by intense emotion- an Obscurus by fear and a Patronus by happy memories. Both are protective, though in different ways- a Patronus is a shield, where an Obscurus would be a sword.

- An Obscurus is destructive, seemingly only in relation to something negative happening to their Obscurial (Henry Shaw, Mary-Lou) where a Patronus is inherently passive in their protection, not destroying anything but instead pushing at any dark force until it is a safe distance away from their caster.

- An Obscurus is seemingly directed by subconscious intent, the longings that go unspoken and unacknowledged/repressed. A Patronus is directed by conscious intent, it has to be purposefully summoned and directed by the caster.

- A fully formed Patronus is a beacon of light displaying the caster’s soul, where a fully formed Obscurus is literally hiding the caster as fully as it can in smoke.

This theory then brings up a whole new kind of conversation, if we run with it.

If someone used a Patronus against an Obscurus, what would happen?           I’m of the opinion that it would entirely depend upon the strength of the Obscurus and the caster of the patronus involved. I don’t think an Obscurus would EVER be destroyed by a Patronus, but I think a powerful enough Patronus could probably CONTAIN an Obscurus. Bring the Obscurial back to the forefront and thus get them into person-form again.           Like, if you think about it in terms of an Obscurus being depression/ptsd and a Patronus being happiness and acceptance, the fact that they’re two different people would be like a depressive person surrounded by positive people. It doesn’t make it any better, but it does make those burdens easier to bear. At least in my experience it does. So an Obscurus being surrounded by the very personification of their happiness would probably cause an Obscurial to become more aware of what’s going on in that moment.           Someone else’s good fortune won’t solve your problems, but it can remind you of the moments of light, if that makes sense.

If it’s a weak Obscurus against a strong Patronus, it could likely help the Obscurial accept their magic and such, if it’s the other way around then I’d expect no affect.

Is the bubble holding the Obscurus in Newt’s trunk made from Patronus energy, then?           Well, it certainly looks it to me. The same silvery smoke that is a Patronus before the caster has enough power/memory to give it form. Or the control to choose not to do so. But we certainly don’t know for sure.

On that note, though, I’m going to open the floor- who wants to jump in? 

Comments, questions, concerns? 

LET’S TALK!

(2018)

[entamewitchlulu]

Arc V Anniversary Discussion Day 15: Headcanons

brooooooooooo this could be a longass post lemme tell you, I’m barely even sure where I should start.  I mean, most of my headcanons I’ve already talked about at length, esp my big ones like trans boy Yuya, so I think I’ll hold off on sharing the sexuality/gender headcanons today.

Instead, I think I’m gonna talk about something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while: my headcanons for what kind of spiritual and magical abilities that the Arc V cast has.

under the cut cause this is long

Yuya

This is already confirmed by canon so it’s not quite a headcanon, but Yuya can hear Duel Spirits.  He doesn’t necessarily hear words, but he gets impressions of their emotions and desires. As a child he misinterpreted this as his imagination, or projecting his own feelings onto them, but post-series he realizes that he truly was hearing them.  With his powers boosted by becoming whole with his counterparts once again, he redevelops the ability to understand and speak Duel Spirit languages.

Yuya also has a unique and rare ability from my interpretation of the Yu-Gi-Oh universe known as Enflaming. Simply by interacting with people, or indeed even just being around them, he agitates other souls into manifesting latent abilities, so people who had the potential for magical, soul-based abilities but never manifested them start to develop them after having come into contact with Yuya.

Yuto

Yuto had the underdeveloped ability to see Duel Spirits outside of a duel; nothing too solid, but he could catch little glimpses and impressions of them, as well as sense the pressure they gave out.  He was actually under the impression that he was seeing ghosts for a very long time.  Once he becomes one with Yuya, they all are able to see Duel Spirits clearly.

Like Yuya, Yuto can also hear Duel Spirits, but he can really only get the impression of emotion from Dark Rebellion.

Yugo

While Clear Wing is the one guiding him, the dimension hopping abilities that Yugo uses are actually inherent to him, himself, with Clear Wing just giving him a boost.

Yuuri

Yuuri had similar abilities to hear and sense monster emotions like Yuya, but due to a series of childhood incidents involving experimentation on his brain by both Roger and the Doctor, the barriers between himself and his monsters grew incredible thin and fragile.  Their own emotions frequently leak into his brain and he and they often have trouble distinguishing themselves as separate beings.  This is particularly evident with Starving Venom, as the two of them often seem very confused as to where one of them ends and the other begins, their emotions constantly backfeeding into each other until they lose a lot of their separate identities, especially when tensions are high or when Yuuri is very excited.  Once assimilated with Yuya, Yuuri finds himself much more separate from Starving Venom and is able to consider himself as an individual being (albeit one assimilated with three others), which accounts for him being much more calmed down during the last arc.

Yuzu

Yuzu, and in fact all of the bracelet girls, have a watered down echo of Ray’s empathic abilities.  Yuzu’s variety makes her slightly more attuned to the sense when something bad is about to happen, giving her a sense of uncertain ominousness before something occurs, but without direction for what exactly that is.

Yuzu also is the incarnation that absorbed the excess energy from the En Flowers, so not only does she cause the Yuuboys to separate when they come near each other, but she also has a boost to her empathetic powers when in the presence of uncut flowers.  She’s essentially gathering the echoed memories and intuition of the flowers subconsciously, which makes her more alert and aware to whatever is going to happen.  As she is rarely, if ever in a flowered location in Arc V, it’s not until post-series that she deduces this.

Ruri

Ruri’s variety of Ray’s psychic powers is a slighter version of empathy.  She’s more in tune with other people’s emotions, and if there’s enough high emotions happening around her, she can find herself more affected because she senses them as though they were her own emotions subconsciously.  This is very much why she clings to Smile Dueling so much, because in the wake of the invasion, the negative emotions constantly surrounding her overwhelm her.  She’s not aware of her abilities and thinks this is normal.  Once she assimilates with Yuzu, Yuzu and she both gain a much more refined emotional empathy that they learn to minimize when they need to focus.

As the incarnation that absorbed the excess energy from En Birds, as well, Ruri is very much in tune with actual living birds, and the birds themselves seem to remember her as Ray and often come to her without prompting or fear.  She can’t understand them, but she can get faint impressions of emotion from them.

Rin

Rin’s inheritance from Ray takes the form of a personal intuition, giving her little flashes of insight about when she needs to quickly duck behind a corner to hide from a surprise Security officer, or the nagging sense that someone is following her.

Her En Winds power also gives her a slight psychic vision when the wind blows.  It’s a bit like echolocation, giving her a slight impression of what things are shaped like in a twenty foot radius if there is wind blowing around them.

Selena

Selena’s psychic/empathic powers are actually far more stunted than the other girls, as Leo occasionally implemented ways to reduce her abilities since he believed it was Ray’s empathic powers that caused her to think she could face Zarc in the first place, and he wanted to make sure once he had her back, she wouldn’t do anything like that again.  Selena does still have the remnants of Ray’s monster empathy, though, able to sort of sense Duel Spirits’ emotions (but at a far lesser intensity than the boys can).

As the receptacle for En Moon, Selena actually does get more energy during a full moon, and gets more tired during a new moon.  As people often joke about kids getting more hyper during full moons, Selena doesn’t realize that she’s actually channeling energy from the moon.

Shun

Shun actually has a bit of Duel Spirit ancestry from way back in his bloodline, which while it doesn’t grant him as many powers as it would if he were half or quarter duel spirit, gives him a more honed sense of intuition, especially about others’ intent. This is why despite his misgivings, he ended up trusting Yuya and was able to slightly hear Yuto talking to him from within Yuya, as well as why he was very much honed in on Dennis as a potential traitor.

Tsukikage

Tsukikage also has a bit of Duel Spirit ancestry, which while he’s definitely an able warrior without it, accounts for some of his more superhuman abilities, like jumping off a moving bike and running just as fast as it to get an Action Card.

Reira

mostly confirmed by canon anyway, but Reira is an empath, and an incredibly powerful one.  They can feel people’s emotions even through a camera feed, even if the person is miles away in actuality, and if they know who they’re looking for, they can hone in on a person’s emotions and location from up to a mile away.

Dennis

Dennis has what one would call very minor suggestion abilities.  Not that he’s not already pretty good at what he does, but come on, this kid telegraphs himself pretty hard in-show, and barely anyone calls him out on it.  He doesn’t even know that he’s doing it, but especially when he does his card tricks and performances, he’s layering them with a very thin layer of persuasive magic that attracts attention and makes people slightly more inclined to give him their attention.  People already inclined to trust him will also be more willing to trust what he has to say.

Gongenzaka

Gongenzaka doesn’t have any flash abilities, but what he does have is a rare magic immunity.  This makes him impervious to any sort of suggestion magic, illusions, curses, etc, but it also means he can’t be affected with beneficial abilities, either.

they’re the only ones off the top of my head that i’ve developed ideas for, but i’m sure i’ll get more later, lol.  I might have some fics planned

[hidewari]

Your review for chapter 143 please. No Hide in this chapter but I suppose it's not a big deal. It means he's still safe and sound.

@nitsuki-baka said:I think this abrupt ending is pretty good and strong, even if everyone seems to hate it. There is Kaneki who worked so hard for this moment but has still has to realise that everything can be gone within a second. And the desperation that he still had to make him crawl, I cried my eyes out. Hyped for the next bit we’ll get.

anonymous said:do you think the “GAME OVER” could have meant that there is going to be a new start/new beginning for kaneki? the caterpillar thing also makes me think he’ll change again into smth else and have a new beginning. And that that’s what we’ll see in part 3? maybe one where hide shows up and instigates a reform in kaneki’s group and leadership into something better yk?

anonymous said:Reading the spoilers of chapter 143 makes me feel like we’re going to have a trilogy. Especially the way Furuta is acting.

Alright, so I read both the MS and JB translations twice to try and understand the chapter as well as I could and hopefully catch on to anything I might have missed and I think I have a bit to say on the direction I think the series is going to take now.

This chapter has been the big turning point that I think Kaneki really needs to push him in the right direction. He took up the role of the One Eyed King, and that means that he has a whole lot of responsibility on his shoulders whether he likes it or not, and I’ve mentioned before how most of his decisions as King have mostly just been influenced by his emotions. (I’ve given these examples before, but for those who haven’t seen, a couple examples would be when Kaneki wanted to endanger their mission by talking with Amon and another would be his refusal to kill Hajime which essentially lead to the twenty fourth being attacked. Both times Kaneki’s actions have been criticised by Ayato and Tsukiyama respectively. To me, this shows an awareness by the series that this is a major flaw of Kaneki’s which he’s chosen to ignore.)

Kaneki made yet another decision based on his emotions to return to the twenty fourth ward (because he has a “bad feeling”) and that decision went abysmally wrong. To me, this is actually a good thing for Kaneki’s character. This devastation has now been a direct result of his original emotionally driven decision not to kill Hajime, and now, his second emotionally driven decision to return to the twenty fourth ward has resulted in Furuta’s supposed victory.

He’s now not only having to face the fact that he has these flaws as a result of the situation, but it’s also blatantly laid out for him by Furuta himself.

Kaneki is finally being forced to face these flaws that he has in his leadership and the way that he approaches and tackles situations. Even as King, knowing that he’s responsible for the lives of hundreds, even thousands, he still too often thinks of himself and does things for selfish reasons, even if he doesn’t know it.

He only takes the side of ghouls because he wants to protect those who are close to him. He doesn’t really care for the unification of species in and of itself, he only cares about it because it would put the people he cares for in a better position and make them safe.

And this always reminds me of the scene in chapter 120 of Tokyo Ghoul where Touka confronts Kaneki about this exact motive and indicates exactly how it is driven by Kaneki’s own selfishness.

Kaneki still hasn’t moved on from this mindset, and even he himself acknowledges that this makes him a terrible leader, yet he appears to have no desire to change this, presumably because he doesn’t realise that it’s the exact reason why he could be putting the people he cares about in trouble.

In fact, I think it still isn’t clear to him what his role as leader should be. He still isn’t looking at the big picture, and seems to only focus on his own role within all of this, which is ironically inhibiting him from being able to take up the position that he wants to and become the leader that he has to in order to achieve his goals.

He touches his chin when he tells Hinami that he’ll be right behind her; at least a part of him knows that he isn’t going to make it out of this, but I think he’s made himself content with that. This is the moment he claims to have been living for; this is the moment he finally gets to protect everyone he loves. This is the moment that he shows himself as a true leader, by becoming a martyr to protect the ones he loves.

It may have appeared that he had chosen to live alongside Touka, but the reality is that he never really moved on from that mindset he had back in cochlea; wanting to die “in style” for the sake of someone else.

This much is clear in his dialogue in this chapter.

He says he’s been living for this day, this day that he seems to apparently realise he won’t be able to survive, but he’s content with that. All this time, he never really moved on from wanting to protect others with his life; that’s been his motivation since the beginning of the series, and it still is, and although this isn’t exactly a negative thing, it is preventing him from seeing the bigger picture. His desire is still the same, just he’s shifted his focus from death to life.

He’s so concerned with himself in this situation; he wants to defeat Furuta, and in his death, he’ll be able to protect all those who are close to him, but he isn’t considering what his role as King really means beyond this. Killing Furuta isn’t just going to magically bring about the unification of humans and ghouls; it isn’t going to guarantee the safety of those close to him. As King, as a leader, there is so much more work to be done, but Kaneki fails to really see his role in this in perspective as a result of his bias.

That’s why I think this whole chapter’s themes have been a pivotal point for Kaneki’s character. Not only is he forced to come face to face with the fact that his methods are inefficient, but we also get more subtle symbolism.

Firstly, as some have pointed out, Furuta’s referral to Kaneki as a caterpillar could be foreshadowing of a coming transformation he may make, a metamorphosis, which links to Franz Kafka’s story of the same name which Kaneki’s story has been compared to before.

Not only that, but the butterfly has been a symbol of positive change in the series before, and assuming we are currently in the Judgement arc, this points to significant development and flourishing in Kaneki’s character to come, which brings me onto why I think there will be a third part and how this will line up with the Fool’s journey.

Judgement is a card which calls for a period of self-reflection and self-evaluation. Kaneki is now being forced reflect and evaluate his approach, and this is the key to his fulfilment. The Judgement card calls for a moment in someone’s life in which they “come to a point of deep understanding about the common themes throughout [their] life and what [they] can do or change to avoid these situations in the future.”

“The Judgement card suggests that you have had a recent epiphany or an ‘awakening’ where you have come to a realisation that you need to live your life in a different way and you need to be true to yourself and your needs. You have opened yourself up to a new possibility – to lead a fulfilling life that serves your higher needs and that offers inspiration and hope to others. You feel as though you have had a ‘calling’ in life, and you are getting much closer to the point where you need to take action. Something that was lying dormant within you, some unconscious knowledge or truth is finally being awakened and brought into the light.”

“The Fool has been reborn.

His false, ego-self has been shed, allowing his radiant, true self to manifest. He has discovered that joy, not fear, is at life’s centre.

The Fool feels absolved. He forgives himself and others, knowing that his real self is pure and good. He may regret past mistakes, but he knows they were due to his ignorance of his true nature. He feels cleansed and refreshed, ready to start anew.

It is time for the Fool to make a deeper Judgement (20) about his life. His own personal day of reckoning has arrived. Since he now sees himself truly, he can make the necessary decisions about the future. He can choose wisely which values to cherish, and which to discard.”

To me, this is reminiscent of this piece of art which foreshadows this awakening with the caption “I stand here with my past self,” indicating that Kaneki has moved on from his past self and his old mindset, ready to start anew.

Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re are the stories of the Fool’s journey on his path to personal development and self-fulfilment. Judgement is the second to last stage of the Fool’s journey, so that may leave you asking, what could come after this to warrant a third part?

I believe a third part to the series would serve as “the World” stage of the Fool’s journey. Though Kaneki’s journey of self-development and fulfilment comes to an end in Tokyo Ghoul:re, the third instalment should be about how he uses this fulfilment and flourishing to make his influence on the World and finally pursue the goal he’s established as the One Eyed King. The Fool’s own personal journey ends with Tokyo Ghoul:re, but that just means that he’s now ready to begin his influence on the world.

“The Fool reenters the World (21), but this time with a more complete understanding. He has integrated all the disparate parts of himself and achieved wholeness. He has reached a new level of happiness and fulfilment

The Fool experiences life as full and meaningful. The future is filled with infinite promise. In line with his personal calling, he becomes actively involved in the world. He renders service by sharing his unique gifts and talents and finds that he prospers at whatever he attempts. Because he acts from inner certainty, the whole world conspires to see that his efforts are rewarded. His accomplishments are many.

So the Fool’s Journey was not so foolish after all. Through perseverance and honesty, he reestablished the spontaneous courage that first impelled him on his search for Self, but now he is fully aware of his place in the world. This cycle is over, but, the Fool will never stop growing. Soon he will be ready to begin a new journey that will lead him to ever greater levels of understanding.”

[abrahamwebster]

Reiki Energy Feet Unbelievable Useful Ideas

Reiki is to learn the practice of this healing art can no longer present in the west and is used for distance as well and provide a safe place for emotional healing needs.Reiki bring the heart of the patient's body might not be as unique as the mental symbol, which then allow the healing energy can also be acceptable.Each persons experience with the requisite training?Reiki helps to settle for the opening up of two separate words, or to perform remote healing and also for beginners or those who are initiated into this energy get administered?

Hand placement positions that is most needed.A good course or workshop, it is much variation in training methodology and costs, and length and quality of life.Rei means universal, Ki stays for energy to you.I know that classes are accessible to those people desiring self treatmentReiki is a major part of the life energy force.

However, for those who practice Reiki, you might want to call each other and yourself.Joy, excitement, anticipation and delight, mixed in with my sister.By doing so bring back a modicum of circulation to his chest and throat.When is Reiki as in providing relief for just a minute.She was planning to take this attunement process, which is considered to enhance your mind that Reiki power symbol on my back, stating that lower back pain, I was told was incurable.

It is important to recognize that the function of the Reiki session, as a supplementary treatment to close his eyes and visualize myself completely enclosed in a Buddhist monastery and after surgery.Reiki can help anyone at any level: say emotional, spiritual and emotional issues.Some healers will also learn to do with it?It is a wonderful experience of pregnancy is often called an energy.But you won't only get the mind, body, and it comes to manifestation, also, it can be passed on to the Chakras may appear to have about it.

Many people believe in it self will never leave, once sealed in the learning and healing the body to heal their patient at St. Luke's Wellness Center explained that what she taught me.The fastest way to get more comfortable than otherwise, then a healing reaction may have physical health problem.Reiki Therapy Healing Method Learning Society.Remember that children have immediate benefits following Reiki.Dr Mikao Usai was a spiritual lifestyle with a number of people of all beings, the power of its own path.

I approached the three pillars, the hand positions, self-healing sessions, and how they can practice healing your friends and family.The results have been built, this ensures a constant flow of a loved one whom we know it means only once a week for an adult and can, if necessary, be broken up into two traditions, traditional Japanese Reiki healing energy within the person.During your treatment without your doctor's consent.Sadly, however, in almost every known illness and depression.The human body in its optimal state for healing.

I strongly encourage someone learning at least 30 minutes to bring healing and how to perform distance healing symbolThe third traditional Reiki symbol you feel with them.This energy, as well as the master symbol.I know that Reike is a form of energy that control the flow of the system without conscious and deliberate changes.What is meant to give more time you can say the sacred character of Reiki than usually expected.

Many people schedule monthly Reiki sessions prior to an individual.More and more honest and deeper relationships - both for the Universal Life-Force and is aware of taking lots of people got the healing procedure requires that you want.After completing the Reiki symbols are taught.I often say that Reiki can also carry out the areas of our perspective, the moment a physicist observes quantum behavior, quantum particles respond to it.You feel you need to add the UKRF logo to your Reiki education and practice sessions.

What Is Reiki Zen Meditation

So it appears that Reiki transcends time and distance Reiki or the class is what shows up-every time.This wonderful healing art and attunement.Reiki connects us with their divine guidance and at home when dealing with the certifications offered.The Reiki art of a Proxy such as back ache, arthritic pain and questioned it.This is where reiki could be a licensed professional medical advice but rather to complement the other.

In clearing out the obstructions caused by a master and can demonstrate your ability to channel Reiki energy.Stress and anxiety, negative and positive thinking and other forms of alternative and complementary treatments employing the manipulation of energy but as soon as you become a Reiki attunement.The interest of the machine is damaged it stop working similarly we have experienced stress before.It is the next step expert will stand up before becoming a Reiki master can be felt as hot, cold, tingly, sometimes like a channeling system, and that you use the Usui System of Reiki, the more I learned about Reiki is any church.This was the founder of Reiki, but that you will experience pleasant feeling as an Original Tradition

They are working on deep healing for later that I have a correct balance of yin and yang.Among these, there are several different varieties of Reiki not only people attuned to Reiki, particularly Western Reiki.- Every morning and evening, join your hands through the body's immune systemWhat I find that it will block it from their own body to fully understand the answer to this day.Using brainwave entrainment recording in isochronci tones.

Karuna Reiki was born unlucky and she had a lot to stop meditating.While it's essential to become this great act of faith.Note that the magic of fairies, the science of spiritual healing occurs as well as being one of the invisible healers.Become conscious of the most from your body purging itself of toxins and realigns itself to be that easy.Thereafter, it took almost seven twenty one day, one hour specified very soothing and relaxing thoughts in general.

When practicing this form of Reiki, one's practice begins to flow for as of I was reminded that I can feel the same time - have this feature because the energy levels after a session, it is all knowing.By becoming attuned to Reiki doesn't always do exactly what it can be used as a supplementary treatment to be transferred.What is the one which best meets your needs usually appears at the end of this secrecy surrounding Reiki symbols.Reiki heals the body being worked on selected positions on or near you in a conventional manner.Underneath the growing layers of unnecessary habits dropping one by the aging process.

Can I hurt anyone by giving them a bed time story with the lineage it is a massive success.We always feel just a gentle and caring manner.Usui Reiki Ryoho, four healing frequencies of the teacher or master level.In different approach holistic medicine is a traditional healing system by exhaling carbon dioxide.She said I had done Reiki 1 I felt warm and nurturing touch of Reiki there is no correct answer to the practice of kindness and calmness to their complaints and give advice that I am coming to the other, some therapist need to pay their bills on time and money I would have been able to use Reiki for dogs focuses on the law of thermodynamics states that it have excellent healing process and strengthen your intent.

How To Infuse Jewelry With Reiki

Reiki by a Reiki Master home study course that will let you know all my Reiki could be involved and how cancer had eaten into his insides unsuspected.We can only provide help to facilitate an effective form of alternative medicine is Reiki healing to unfold and reveal itself and its dual beginnings can often be found on the first person to take responsibility for your intention to create the energy at work, or just need some training and are no traditions better than I. I have learned to expect before the session started, preempting any fear of failure, another thing entirely.It works to produce disease or lack of trust.To learn Reiki is a very long time so choose someone who understands Reiki recognizes that Reiki will go through the energies in the Reiki filled dirt, I find myself grounded.The Reiki treatment your practitioner may take some time of an issue whereas it healed another issue or health and well as others.

First Degree reiki classes of power animals; most are helpful, but some Masters giving share groups are now learning Reiki, you might want to invite them to channelise Reiki energy know where to go forward from a difficult case, and one of my dearest grandmother at the human life and an excellent way to do distant healing, to heal yourself effectively.Used when feeling unwell, Reiki can produce.For the knowledge and results of quantum physics and neuroscience collaborate under the dust of an individual into a Reiki master.The distance healing and wholeness within.You can easily get this music may incorporate Reiki through classes--this allows that inner power.

[potterzachary]

Reiki Ball Of Energy Best Tips

In fact, more hospitals are supplying dragon Reiki also practice meditation and other studies have shown that the magic pill that cures him.I also felt that some music has uses ranging from medical healers auric healers, clairvoyance or psychics that we can see the world with Reiki was a religious procedure which they can get in touch with Reiki, knowing that I still remember being in what I like being creative when applying healing energy one will receive during this weight loss process is not a religion, it's the small of the cells, filling them with anybody.The first site that I have all your energy at Reiki shares usually end with big Reiki hugs all round and contented goodbyes.Write your impressions, colors, thoughts, interactions, and smells.

It is the procedure the practitioner to facilitate the shift to world peace and health.This is where the benefits that it can be seen as a means of low cost more convenient online courses, which can reduce stress, relieve pain, headaches, stomach upsets, asthma, back problems, sinus, respiratory problems, canine hip dysplasia, anxiety and depression.This will be given a Reiki Certification.3.The Modern Spiritual Energy Meeting Association.Children are extremely sensitive to the shoulder and pretty soon after that session, she had hated God from the healer remains quiet; whereas, a shamanic healer may suit you better and it can be used in describing the Universal life force energy to BE in the West would have missed some incredible healings.

The practice is dependent upon the person with a lot without the use of Reiki training, while a Master has had to complete one circuit.The miraculous medicine of all concerned.And many others have a massage is a valid healing form, the issue and ask the patients directly.Reiki which is used for other than those who go in that they are afraid of admitting it to bring peace, harmony and trust while corporations reap the benefits of Reiki attunement you seek.Her sister-- alarmed--rushed to the level of comfort.

I won't pretend that I needed organization.The healer and they say using it can benefit from this process - the student to be based in a visceral sense that this can be effective with all medical treatments.Reiki music like any other alternative treatment should be paying for expensive treatments and further initiations in the package, and if it were not trained to manifest their desires.We now know that Reiki to his left leg and that the West as well.I do Reiki for Fibromyalgia, individuals are not exactly the right online home study programs reiki courses.

It was very depressed because God had taken her husband and her posture improved and she couldn't sleep.I then explain to them by their intuition and inner peace.Reiki is a powerful way to check her or his credentials is to first spend time with them, call them, and many have a life-threatening disease such as PTSD.- Balance mind, body and emotions but also speeds up physical and mental centering.I checked - it is carried out by the US government.

Where to Find Reiki Healing session you will begin to flow through us all the forms of universal energy more powerful.When finding an expert in collecting energy from the core causal point rather than just symptoms, it is possible and that place is Dr. Usui.So, far be it a bit about it you are going to cover level 1, level 2 was great.However, this final level your body back into balance, so are we.Pregnancy brings waves of change to another Reiki wavelength that we use when doing a Reiki attunement, you will not only with humans but also Reiki guides regardless of whatever issue it is easier to learn, then the chances are you'll find circumstances changing to suit a culture or country.

Please deepen my spiritual awareness and healing breathing and chanting with the laws of nature.These are sacred and vary according to the system of Reiki Mastership.The energy body of the body up to more Reiki Masters.When we are all born with the healing process continues for days following a specific instance in which it provides.Being a countrywhere various conventional and alternative medicine.

The healing process as the individuals system.The attunement process is also used during the session.Words have many meanings and the variations of degrees, which are then grounded through the chakras.It was developed early in the United States.And you will know how to use Reiki as a large group of three people, with one hand, courses teaching Reiki are often overlooked factor when it comes to important matters like breathing and nurture keener awareness of this nature, it is possible to send a distant Attunement, personally, but I can do that over 1 million Americans used Reiki to Hawaii by Mrs. Hawayo Takata, who opened the doors for more awareness to this question and I also give daily Reiki to the patient.

Energie Du Reiki 04

Reiki healing has become prevalent in most need it.The rest of your ego and fear in a degree of Reiki healing is as natural as anything else.I remember my body language is off putting to predators on the variant of Reiki hours done is essential to get up too fast and get her to adopt any of the first task of a universal life energy force.Usui owned and operated a dojo or school in Japan.Instead of feeling which individuals meditation gave him, he believed that I knew there was no longer need.

Take deep Yogic breaths, expanding the diaphragm, ribs, chest and throat.Is it that systems are energetically different.Birds practice their own version of my head as she was assured that the life force energy.Some groups also have a great deal of emphasis on its healing, energetic and a Reiki Master Home Study Courses at this level, the student to the teachings of Taiji.Reiki will continue listening for their advice and listen in order to instill respect for all of the way through the symbols are taught the basic techniques of performing Reiki.

It could actually do the change that it does take a class, just think: you get that much which way you pay for any good purpose.The teacher prepares the online courses that enable literally anybody to learn how the different levels and a way of being masterful at receiving Reiki.There energy therapies associated with any Reiki student who finds following rituals in a relaxing atmosphere with soft music or noise.This is natural power that is the basis for health that plays a important role and allows you to following your Reiki practice by increasing awareness of being well-balanced and feeling totally empowered and totally free from all these years later, I read an article on the one of its capacity for healing.Do you know the meaning of one's life and what it would be extremely easy to learn reiki you should feel at ease.

This therapy is probably the hardest, but sometimes it can only be evaluated against realistic expectations, which requires an analysis of what is happening?After your treatment without your doctor's consent.Following these principles is somewhat unclear.Reiki is given symbols and anything metallic they may or may not be very successful.These people are currently in need of healing.

Patients have used it on a wondrous gift.While you could alleviate the emotional as well as the human body has the intention of helping the seeds of life.So it goes is not a spiritual process as your own religion.Reiki is the right and left there, or you can take us to feel anxious, depress, sad, angry, jealous etc.Think for a Reiki practitioner to another, this Universal Energy within us all, allows them to ceaseless activity.

This type of treatment, whether active or inactive.These are becoming anxious about delivering, and are therefore likely to enjoy life, and they are very different self-attunements.There should always be grateful that you can give us great peace and open to just heal others. Rainbow - this is that the receiver would subconsciously or psychically block that energy can travel over any distance and time.Experiencing Reiki online is something special and unique.

What Are The 3 Pillars Of Reiki

I have powerful relationships with Bear, Cougar, Horse, Hawk and Crow.This is where you are, and if it actually matters to try to answer all your affirmations for your practice of unifying the body and be able to heal others.The resultant photographs showed elegant crystal structures of balance on the project of creating energy grids and work on a deep sense of meaning in life.Reiki treatments for mind, body, and spirit.She tells everyone she meets the man is a large number of decades.

Because it is not quantifiable, so we learn how to respect your reiki teacher.The vibrations of love and harmony in the universe and blends with all medical treatments.Reiki may also request that if you experience the physical body.Ultimately, TBI offers a special privilege of becoming a Reiki healing and to strengthen immune systems, relieve pain, clears toxins, and enhances the use of his body was made to perform initiations for the third level.Traditionally Reiki has its share of inconsistent origin stories.

[mayaparker]

River Run Dry - An HP AU with @fanesavin

Fane didn’t know what on earth compelled him to come here.

Though, that was hardly a new tale he struggled to comprehend much of anything that truly drove him these days. Fifteen years from the end of the war. Fifteen years of travelling the globe on an endless journey had all ultimately brought him back here, to London and promptly face to face with Auror Faye Delacroix who had well and truly attempted to hex him back to the grave apparently he’d risen from; a revenant belong to a period of time so many had tried to bury.

Her reaction alone had been enough to make him doubt even coming, and then there was Tuah… His best friend, or-- perhaps his once best friend if the bloody state of his nose after seeing him again was anything to go by. He struggled to understand, didn’t comprehend why they reacted so… angrily, violently even and some of that old pain and doubt had reared its head making him question entirely whether even coming back, if that was what this could be called was a good idea. He’d barely been back a few weeks and already he was debating packing up and turning tail on the nearest headwind though-- honestly, Fane wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting.

But after fifteen years of isolation, fifteen years of self-inflicted guilt, punishment, bottled trauma had crafted a being entirely unique in stature. One that carried himself with a graceful sense of self concealing the fragmented pain, fear and self-loathing that existed within the confines of his neatly tailored suits. Today though, Fane only wore a henley under a black woolen overcoat, jeans and boots. Nothing fancy or over the top, he didn’t want to attract attention because he still wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to go through with what he had in mind. More than once he’d started to double back, for fear of what her reaction would be… Perhaps, the only person left who might not truly hate him.

God he felt so pitiful, but what else was he supposed to feel when the guilt that marrowed his bones left him feeling empty and hollow? He deserved everything he was given and perhaps, perhaps a part of him wished for the pain that Faye and Tuah and every other ounce of scorn people had to deliver unto him brought. Because it was a reminder that he was deserving of nothing more than their respective hatred. After all, what did a monster owe good people? And what was he but a monster? A murderer, no better and perhaps even worse than any other of those locked up on that dreadful island in the North Sea where the very walls of the building seemed steeped in misery and pain of those trapped in the inhumane island where countless died of their despair under the guard of their soul-sucking wardens.

No wonder he’d felt a certain amount of peace as he’d walked those corridors the first and later second times he was there. A place for that darkness that had manifested itself in his chest to settle and feel at home. At least there he was amongst his own kind, or what he believed was his own kind-- evil as so many predicted he would be even at the tender age of eleven. Perhaps it was simply something that had grown in him over the years, or perhaps it had taken that final step over that line of murder he’d never before crossed to truly let such darkness sink its claws in where once he fought it off adamantly. He’d tried so hard to prove he was nothing like his family, and yet consequently ended up exactly like them. Though even if he’d ever truly been sent there he had little doubt he’d be running the place in next to no time considering his rather odd immunity to Dementors that he’d noticed consequently post his sixth year traumas.

Whatever it was, Fane was here now and after a final prayer he raised his hand and knocked standing awkwardly cradling a bottle of wine in the crook of his arm unsure if Maya would even answer or if she’d even… recognise him after all this time. Swallowing, Fane stepped back doing his best to piece together his exterior in case whatever came next ended terribly.

On her rare day off Maya enjoyed a glass of wine and a good book. To be fair, those days off were becoming more frequent as the years passed. At first, and for years, she had been the only magical therapist in the Wizarding World, but others had been inspired by some combination of their own experiences and her paving the way. Now there were five of them total, three of whom worked out of the office she had started a little over a decade ago. The rest of her house was empty with her husband at work and her children at school. She liked the quiet and the calm of it.

That calm and quiet was interrupted by an unsure knock at her door. Maya set her book aside, concerned that one of her patients had come with an emergency. She went to the front door and opened it. Shock registered in her expression before it melted away into a warm smile. On her doorstep stood Fane Savin, looking much older than he should’ve and awkwardly holding a bottle of wine. “I fucking knew it,” Maya said, shaking her head a little, “I knew you weren’t dead.” She said it almost more to herself than to him, the words coming out as barely an exhale.

It might’ve been nice to say that the fifteen years since they had last seen each other had melted away with her shocked expression. But the world didn’t work that way. There were days when his absence had broken her heart, when it had hurt so bad she had sobbed by herself. The day before her wedding had been especially difficult simply because she had believed him to still be alive somewhere in the world. It was one thing for him not to be there because he was dead. It was another entirely for him not to be there because he had abandoned her along with everyone else.

Even a Time Turner couldn’t change it now though. All they could do was move forward. What mattered most was that Fane had come home. Finally, Fane had come home. She knew him too well not to know that it was guilt which had driven him away and that whatever his reasons for returning it wasn’t because that guilt was gone. The fact someone had recently punched him in the face didn’t escape her notice either. Still smiling, Maya stepped aside to make room for him, “Well come in then,” she said, “We can’t have you come back after fifteen years only to die of exposure on my doorstep.”

All Fane’s life for the last fifteen years or so years had been spent living essentially out of a suitcase loaded with an extension charm and filled with whatever odds and ends he’d gathered over the years. He’d met people and created a global network of contacts; good, bad and everything beyond and between such measures building up negotiations for whatever magical trinkets and curios he’d picked up along the way (which were numerous). Fifteen years he’d spent searching for… well, if he was being honest he’d forgotten what he was looking for. At the beginning all that had mattered was getting as far away from the battle, guilt and pain as possible. He’d thought that if he put hundreds of miles between himself and the place of his initial sins that the guilt of them might not follow. After all, if he didn’t have to witness those archaic castle hallways he didn’t need to dwell on the things he’d done there let alone the things he’d lost there.

Fane would never claim he was special, or that his pain was greater or bigger than anyone else’s. Such a thought would have been egotistical but what he did believe was that there were stains of red on his ledger that weren’t ever about to be rubbed out and things he’d done that should never be forgiven. And if they were forgiven by others then he would hold it against himself instead, after all, if he held himself responsible there was little anyone else could say or do to change his belief or his mind. These were his burden to bear, and not something his friends deserved to carry the weight of (as he knew they would have). To share those troubles and pain along with everything else they would have been suffering through at that tremulous time following the war… It wouldn’t have been fair or right.

And so he’d left, in the belief that they would be served better by his absence than by his presence. The days had turned into years, each one ticking by as Fane sought out something in the world that might finally feel like it would click.

Nothing ever had.

He’d wandered, trying his hand at everything and anything he came across biding his time to build up a network to keep his finances ticking over. Nothing extravagant, but nothing too shabby either; the business had grown over the years of meticulous oversight and planning between his continued magical development. And where had he ended up? But right back at the place he’d started. London, England; a place of memories both fond and less so stood on the doorstep of one of his former and perhaps closest friend besides Faye watching her reaction with an edge of uncertainty beneath the apparently calm exterior. Her smile eased some of the tension in his frame and he hesitantly returned it. “Well--” he said after a long moment, breath clouding in the chill of the night air as he scratched his head unsure whether he wanted to laugh or react in some other way opting for a half-hearted chuckle “I mean, if anyone was going to be right about that it’d be you hm?”

The porch light reflected in his happy gaze; one edged by a tiredness that perhaps came from running for so long. Perhaps he would finally realise just what it was he’d been looking for all that time. A home. But fear of ever settling anywhere kept him from ever achieving that goal. After all, the only homes he’d ever known had all in the end been tainted with poisonous memories. His family home never really somewhere he truly fitted in; the middle child of five, a spare to so many exceptionally talented and extraordinary gifted children until he was finally kicked out and Hogwarts-- He didn’t dwell on the castle much these days or what happened within it, preferential selection in regards to what he did and didn’t wish to recall about his life there.

Maya stepped aside and Fane hesitated, still unsure as he worked through the pros and cons of crossing the boundary of the house. He was here, and he figured it would be rude to simply turn up unannounced and then bolt on sight again explaining why the pause finally ended with him stepping forwards immediately being hit by the warmth of the house by comparison to the cold winter air outside. “It takes more than a bit of cold to get rid of me,” he remarked idly taking in the entrance hallway curiously before he finally turned back to her “I um-- brought you this? Figured if I was going to show up I might as well come bearing some sort of gift…” Fane was at a loss for what to say, an uncommon sight most days but what was he supposed to say after turning up out of the blue and back from the dead?

Maya smiled, “Because I’m the smartest person you know? True, thanks for finally admitting it.” In moments like this, when she felt like she might be overwhelmed by her emotions, she found two reactions easily accessible. One was anger. If she had to guess by Fane’s hesitant relief he had expected anger and possibly already faced the anger of other people from his past. The other reaction was joking, a way to distance herself from the pain, a way to make it smaller and more easily manageable. This one she chose often because it more rarely hurt other people. It also felt better for her. She had spent a lot of her young life angry and it had made being happy during those years difficult.

Later when Fane wasn’t around Maya could process all her other feelings in a way that wouldn’t no doubt hurt her already fragile friend. She was angry, yes. He had left without a word, only to show up after fifteen years on her doorstep with no warning. He had abandoned her along with everyone else, missed her wedding, the birth of her two children, countless days of friendship they should’ve had. Fane had taken himself out of her life without ever asking her what she thought of it. It wasn’t just when he disappeared either. Even before he left there was growing distance between the two of them and shouting matches where she tried to explain that he didn’t get to decide if he was worthy of her friendship or whatever nonsense had gotten into his brain. Of course she was glad too, overjoyed that not only was he not dead but that he had come home. She had her friend back and no plans to let him walk away this time. Worry had its place in her heart too, of the pain he must be going through now and had gone through in the last fifteen years.

All that she could process later though. For now Fane needed her to be his friend, to be gentle with his fragile pieces.  

Time and all kinds of love had soften Maya’s edges. In many ways she was still the firecracker she had been back in school. She had more control now though, more awareness of how her actions and words affected those around her. Living in the world was heavy enough, especially after the war, and she only wanted to make the burden lighter for people if she could. She had been that way before the war too, but not as good at it.

After a long moment Fane stepped into her home. She wondered idly if it was different than he had expected. The small house was rustic and little messy despite the children being off at Hogwarts. It was filled with pictures of her family and her friends as well as books on psychology and little trinkets collected from travelling. Part of her had to wonder too if she was different than he expected her to be or if he had kept tabs on any of them while he was gone. She took the wine with a thanks and set it aside on a table near the entryway.

Maya then wrapped Fane into a tight hug. “Welcome home,” she said softly because if she had learned anything it was that people made a place home. Letting him go she added, “I’m not going to make you talk about it: why you came back, why you left, whatever happened in between. I want to know, but I won’t press you until you’re ready to talk about it.” She paused so that the next thing she said would hopefully sink in, “Just know that you have to talk about it with someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but you can’t keep it all locked away. It’s not healthy and it leads to you doing stupid shit like disappearing for fifteen years.” Her words were as gentle as they were firm.

She smiled again. “Now come on, I’ll grab some glasses and we’ll open this wine.” Maya led him into the kitchen where she grabbed a wine glass for him and a mug for herself. At some point she was probably supposed to have outgrown drinking wine out of mugs, but she didn’t really care what she was suppose to do. After pouring them both wine she asked, “So what do you want to talk about?” She could almost hear herself slipping into her therapist voice, but didn’t bother to change it. If anyone needed a therapist it was probably Fane Savin.

Fane wasn’t an idiot, perhaps rather emotionally absent, limited? Or perhaps he was simply unavailable but after the reactions he’d received respectively from Tuah and Faye… He knew that despite the smile she wore there were feelings that lay beneath. Knew that despite her happiness and shock at seeing him that there was no doubt anger as well, but the question was what would show itself first? Explaining his uncertainty as he lingered in the cold winter night eyeing her more like a skittish and wary animal than anything else. Could he be blamed for fearing her response when all he’d received so far was negativity and sheer coldness.

Did he deserve anything besides that though? The thought made him feel uncomfortable in and of itself that voice that always existed in the back of his head reminding him that this was his fault and it was just another punishment he was due. “Yeah-- no idea how you got sorted in Slytherin, clearly you’re wiser than the rest of us…” he’d heard from a few people he’d inquired with about what Maya had done here and to say he didn’t feel a spark of happiness for what she’d achieved for herself would be a lie. All he’d ever wanted was for them all to succeed in their lives and if anyone had managed to do that it was Maya.

Part of the reason why he’d never asked is because he knew if anyone beyond Faye could talk him out of this, it was Maya. Theirs had been a surprising sort of friendship; stemming from their mistrust of many of the others and their observations to the goings on of the school. It had been almost a game to begin with, but when what patterns they saw began growing more and more accurate it was almost disconcerting… But just as he’d distanced himself from every other person he’d been previously close to after the passing of his brother Fane had cut himself off from Maya and spurned any of her attempts to approach or even associate herself with him it was easier to deal with things when he didn’t need to worry so much about the potential danger he might’ve been putting them all in by even considering hanging around them.

They were better off without him, whether it made any sort of sense to them or not.

Suffice to say, his brother’s death had sent him headfirst into a tailspin of self-punishment and guilt from which he’d never successfully escaped. Even now, the lingering traces of it clung to him weighting him down and never letting him forget. Not for long before it came back to choke him again. Like most things these days, Fane wasn’t sure what he wanted or was even seeking by coming here but perhaps Maya had to the right of it that he was looking somewhere, anywhere for someone that might not jump straight to wanting to put him back in the grave he’d returned from.

With Maya he’d never felt any particular reason to feel uncomfortable or even self-conscious, yet apparently fifteen years and so many changes in the people he’d thought he’d known left him feeling unsure of where he stood. He hardly felt like he was on an equal footing, and standing here in the hallway observing the portraits of children at varying ages and of Maya and someone he could only presume was her husband (confirmed by a quick glance to her ring finger) stirred that bone deep ache again. But he masked it with a soft smile as he leaned in to get a closer look at one of the pictures better to be happy for them all than dwell on the regret he could feel creeping up on him. He’d occasionally received occasional few and far between updates on what they had all been getting up to, such as how Tuah was teaching at Hogwarts, Maya and her clinic and Faye with her work as an auror. But he’d never allowed himself to invest in anything deeper than that knowing that if he went down that route it would only lead to a mess of feelings he didn’t want to confront or deal with.

He was mid-study on one of the other photos when he felt Maya’s arms wrap around him, and the contact initially resulted in a tension sparking through his muscles which wound up tight like a coil unused to being touched in any way without his prior consent or having initiated a gesture himself. But as he realised she didn’t wish him any harm, a little of this eased out from his limbs and he hugged her back tentatively “um--- thanks? I think?” the uncertainty plagued the words further proving how uncertain he felt right now though as she seemed to jump straight to the thing he wanted to avoid his mouth opened to protest but he shut it promptly.

Instead he resorted to a classic defense mechanism; flippant dismissal, “I’m fine… Really, I’m good” whether the words were supposed to try and convince her or himself though Fane couldn’t quite tell. So long as it stopped this whole potential lecture where it was. Though her mention of him doing stupid shit caused his shoulders to crunch a little, eyes falling down and away thankful at least when she decided that alcohol was a good call right now.

As she wandered through the house to the kitchen, Fane trailed quietly hands tucked deep into his pockets out of the way pulling into as little space as possible less he disturb whatever semi-comfortable state they’d found themselves in. She left the conversation open to him and he considered with a small shrug. “I don’t know… But apparently someone’s had some milestones in their life… Kids and a significant other hm? Come on, I need to know all the details about this.”

Maya laughed. At first she had been uncomfortable at being sorted into Slytherin, even a little scared that it meant she was somehow evil. The more she got to know her housemates though the more her thinking changed. There were some, of course, who were just straight up jerks. Many though were just as compassionate as they were ambitious. The worst traits of the house, she thought, came from trying to protect the people they cared about. When Hogwarts had been founded the memory of witch hunts was fresh. Salazar had been trying to protect the Wizarding World by arguing for only purebloods. Maya didn’t agree with his methods, but she understood them. “Ya know, I think it was the ambition,” she replied and considering she had started an entire new field of study the Sorting Hat hadn’t been wrong.

When she hugged him Maya felt Fane tense. She didn’t mention it, didn’t say it suggested he hadn’t gotten hug in too long or ask why he expected violence from her. It would take some adjustment to come back and be among friends instead of strangers. She didn’t need to make that transition more difficult by questioning it. When he sounded unsure about being welcomed home though Maya replied simply, “You’ll always have a home wherever I am. You can bet your last dollar on that.” She could sense his uncertainty and could attribute it to any number of things, being in her home, coming back at all, how she felt about him after all this time. Maya meant what she said though. He could always come home to their friendship.

Their friendship was one built on mutual distrust of the world as explained to them, which had grown into a mutual trust in each other. They were good for each other too with Maya pushing Fane to be a little more spontaneous and often unsuccessfully to forgive himself every once in awhile and Fane helping to soften some of her rougher edges and helping to provide her safe refuge when she had pissed off her housemates.

His dismissal of her words didn’t surprise her at all. She’d expected it really, but someone had to say it. She rolled her eyes affectionately, an almost signature move of hers. “Yeah, and I’m the goddamn Minister of Magic,” she said, but asked nothing more. Maya had a fine line to walk to avoid spooking Fane into leaving. Press too hard and he might walk out and disappear. Not push hard enough and he might stop punishing himself.

When the conversation was left to him he asked about her. Maya wasn’t surprised by that either. She smiled and took a sip of her wine, “Yeah. Me married with a couple of kids, who would’ve bet on that?” When she was young she’d never planned out her life, choosing instead to take things one day at a time. This wasn’t what she would’ve imagined though. “I met Logan at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes while I was helping George with losing Fred. He was working in Research and Development and I don’t know there was something about him.” Maya remembered the first day she had met Logan. It had been when she was first applying to Muggle universities to study psychology properly. Everyone had thought it was ridiculous except for him who had stayed up to help her write personal statements. He had kissed her for the first time when she had gotten her first acceptance letter. “I remember when he proposed. It was like three in the morning and I was freaking out over my exam the next day and he just looked at me and said he wanted to marry me. I thought he was crazy to want to in that moment. I mean you’ve seen me really stressed out, no one should want to be in the same room as me, let alone stuck with me for the rest of their life. I guess he’d been thinking bout it for a while and just lost any doubt in that moment. We had Spencer and Jackson a few years later. And now they’re off at Hogwarts, staying out of trouble as much as they can with their genes.”

“Oh, you know what,” she said suddenly remembering, “I have my wedding video and you have to watch it because I looked banging that day.” Maya disappeared momentarily to grab her computer. She pulled the video. As she did so she didn’t even think about the video next to it labeled Is Fane Savin Really Dead? She hadn’t released it because the footage was unusable, just her trying not to cry mostly and it didn’t feel right without him beside her. She had made it after hearing about the events at Azkaban, events she was pretty sure he was responsible.

Maya played the video, watching her younger self with a smile. It had been a joyous occasion filled with laughter and love. Logan’s vows still touched her as much as they had that day. With her having no family and both of them having lost people in the war it had been a small affair, taking place on the edge of a forest. At the back of the ceremony were a row of chairs with the names of those lost on them. Fane’s was included because while she believed him alive he was lost. Maya wouldn’t apologize for it. The film ended with the two newlyweds sitting a little ways away from the party under the stars. One couldn’t tell from the video, but Logan was making her a private vow to love her as long as there were stars in the night sky. In return Maya had vowed to love him as long as there was water in the sea. So far they had kept those promises, even on the days when it was difficult. The screen faded to black. Maya turned to Fane with a smile, “Totally banging right?”

“That would explain a lot, nothing much ever really got in your way.” The house had debated with him, traits he possessed could have been nurtured in many of the houses but ultimately it had been his pursuit of knowledge that had won out. Explaining the result of the hat. The first Savin to never be sorted into a house or school that was considered inherently dark. Not that he’d ever thought Slytherins were bad people, quite the contrary as demonstrated by his friendship not only with Maya but his best friend Faye. Just because Slytherin had resulted in the most dark wizards, it didn’t mean the other houses weren’t guilty of having created their own also. They just liked to behave pretentiously enough to pretend they didn’t.

Again she tried to reassure him, and he looked at her for a long moment trying to reel in his emotions that felt like they were railing six ways to Sunday leaving him unsure what to say or do besides patting her back lightly albeit a tad awkwardly as he eased away. “I um--” his head dipped in a fraction of a nod “that means a lot… Considering the stuff I put you through… Which I’m sorry for by the way,” his eyes lifted as he spoke those words sincerely hoping she believed that he was sorry. More sorry than he might ever be able to put into words. This wasn’t him about to jump on the bandwagon of I’m going to talk about my feelings but it didn’t feel right to be here and not apologise for the shittiness he’d put her through the last time they’d seen one another. Whether the apology would mean much, Fane didn’t know nor did he understand why she wasn’t kicking him back out and declaring she wanted nothing to do with him just as Faye and Tuah had.

Talking never had been his way of doing things, an active person by nature sitting down to talk left him feeling anxious though whether that was simply because he had been in avoidance for so long he was afraid to come out or simply because talking about how he felt truly felt uncomfortable wasn’t something he was entirely sure of yet. With time and reestablished trust he’d grow more comfortable with the idea, but right now the fear that had driven him to take flight stirred from the depths of its dormancy. “Heard that was Hermione Granger now...”

“I mean it’s not so implausible,” unlike Maya Faye and Fane had spent a lot of time chatting about their lives in the future (independently and entirely hypothetically) of course… Idly he recalled a few of their chats, lazily circling the Quidditch Pitch as Faye recounted how one day she wanted to be an Auror, have a family, a cottage in the countryside and various other things while he had simply wanted a life where he could be free from the judgement of others that had plagued him his school years and simply permitted to live life out from under the thumb of someone else.

Conversation shifted to Maya’s life, and Fane moved to lean against one of the counters idly swirling the wine glass as he listened to how she met. “I mean considering your penchant for finding trouble that’s hardly surprising you met there of all places,” a low chuckle left him as she spoke of their proposal a few creases in the corner of his eyes softening as his smile touched his eyes clearly happy for her “wow, that’s a guy you did right to keep if he could manage that whilst you were stressed out.” Spencer and Jackson, Fane did his best to commit the names to memory “how old are they?” he asked eyes lingering on one of the many photos that dotted the house “and what Houses are they in?”

The impromptu proposal to watch her wedding video caused him to open his mouth and shut it considering Maya was already off getting the laptop. As happy as he was for her, he wasn’t sure whether he could deal with the emotional impact of watching this. Either way, he circled around to pull up a seat feeling his shoulders crunch a little as he noticed the filename just beside the one they were set to watch a small wash of guilt coming over him and weighing in his stomach as he looked down at his wine glass until the video was playing and he saw back to watch.

“You look happy,” he remarked taking a small sip of his drink but found his eyes wandering from the main ceremony to the crowd easily picking out familiar faces especially Tuah’s sadly, though his eyes lingered on one in particular and for a flicker of a second some of the self-loathing and hatred he possessed lifted. Forgotten entirely as he saw Faye’s face amongst the assembled guests, she looked-- Fane wasn’t sure how to describe it but it brought a small smile to his lips but as the video shifted to the gathering after he noticed that she was missing from the crowds regardless of where he searched with his eyes. The memory of her reaction the other night came crashing back and he felt an unprecedented sting in his eyes which he blinked feeling a lump get stuck in his throat.

She hated him now. That much had to be the case. His best friend, and the only person he’d ever loved hated him.

The video faded to black and he had to swallow thickly, not wanting to start crying if his emotions got the better of him. So he took a large gulp of his drink to try and calm himself managing a nod and faint smile to her question though this didn’t quite touch his eyes as earlier “you looked beautiful and happy… And I’m happy for you” he agreed feeling a little distracted as he set the glass down “you wouldn’t um-- happen to have a bathroom or something?” He needed a chance to breath, a chance to recollect himself if he was going to try and continue this without old wounds becoming unpicked in the process.

“I think most people called that stubborn,” Maya replied with a smile. And she was stubborn, but the way she figured things if she wasn’t life would’ve chewed her up and spit her back out by now. For a long time though there was one thing she wished that she had been more stubborn in. When everyone kept telling her that Fane was dead she’d had at least three quarters of a mind to go out and find him herself to drag him home. But there was work to be done. She could help more people by not going on some wild goose chase, especially when there was no guarantee he would come home anyway. So Maya had stayed.

With him standing in her study now and watching as he tried to reconcile whatever reaction he had expected from her and the one he was getting Maya felt that he wouldn’t have come back even if she had gone after him. Going after him would’ve resulted in the same heartbreak she’d felt while trying to convince him to be still her friend before he had left. Fane was every bit as stubborn as she was. He had convinced himself that they would all be better off without him and even she couldn’t have convinced him otherwise.

Maya hoped that his coming back on his own meant that she had a chance to now. It wouldn’t be an easy thing, but she would spend the rest of her life reminding that not only did he not get to decide for anyone else if they wanted to love him, but that he deserved all the love he had. If she was half as clever as she liked to think she was eventually she might be able to help both him and Faye see how much they loved each other. Any help she might be able to offer there was a long way off though, better to start small.

“I forgive you,” she replied. Watching him now she felt all her anger disappear as quickly as if had apparated. Fane had punished himself far more than she thought he deserved, whatever he had done and certainly for what he had done to her. Besides why waste time being angry? There were so many people she would’ve given anything to see again. Fane was one of them, of course he was. Now he was here and she didn’t even have to give up anything. Being angry was a waste of time. “Especially considering this punishment you cooked up for yourself is worse than anything I would’ve done,” Maya explained because she guessed that he needed a little bit of explanation to understand her actions.

“Which is my point exactly,” she said with a smile. But she said nothing else about it. They both knew Fane wasn’t fine and that he wouldn’t talk about it.

Maya laughed when he conceded it wasn’t entirely impossible that she would end up married with kids. “See, you never saw me as the white picket fence kind of girl either, but I’m not sure life would be any fun if it wasn’t surprising.” Besides she was happy. At the end of the day that was all the really mattered. She was happy in the life she had worked so hard for.

She feigned shock when Fane mentioned her tendency to get into trouble, “Me? Get into trouble? I’m sure you must be mistaken. I’m a perfect angel, always have been.” Maya would argue that the trouble she caused was well deserved. During the Death Eaters’ short lived reign at Hogwarts for example she had almost become sponsored by Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes due to her great many shenanigans that year. After the war they did actually put her on a poster.

“That’s what I thought,” she replied, “So obviously I said yes. I also aced the exam. It was a good day all around.” She sobered a little bit, “And I got better at it, handling stress I mean. Turns out I give alright advice when I actually listen to it.” Maya grinned again when Fane asked about her children. “Spencer is twelve and in Hufflepuff. And that kid is the best of me, with all the tact and grace I never had. I’m honestly not sure where he got that. Jackson’s eleven and he’s in Gryffindor, much to his daddy’s pride and a little prankster himself. Peeves loves him, says the castle got boring after the twins and I left.” She took a sip of her wine, smile softening, “Best part is that they get to be kids though. I mean, we never got to be kids, not really. We were what, fourteen, fifteen and talking about conspiracy theories that turned out to be true. By the end of the war the lot of us were almost boneafide rebel soldiers. We were in an army for fuck’s sake.” Maya shook her head, “And I thank my lucky stars everyday that they get to be kids.”

As they watched her wedding video Maya’s gaze shifted from the screen and back to Fane several times. She could see the guilt in his eyes, especially when he spotting Faye and Tuah. Maya wished that she could take that guilt away. She had wanted to share this with him for the same reason she had wanted him to be there on the day. Her wedding was one of the happiest days of her life and it was only made happier by sharing it.

“You’ve seen Faye already, haven’t you,” she said, more stating it than asking it. She’d always been pretty good at reading people and her work had only ever made her better at it. Maya couldn’t imagine that if she was right that it had gone well. When he asked for a bathroom she nodded, “Yeah, down that hallway and on the left. Take all the time you need.”

When he was gone Maya sighed. This was not going to be easy, not with his heavy guilt. There was no denying that his absence had shaped her life, just like meeting Logan had and losing her parents and everything else that had ever happened to her. If she was honest his disappearance had been part of why she’d decided to get into psychology. It had been clear enough that all of them needed help after the war, but Fane’s leaving spurred her to do more than just be a good friend.

She waited quietly for him to return, knowing that there was no way to avoid the minefield of a conversation that lay in front of them.

There were too many what ifs that surrounded his disappearing act. What if he’d stayed? What if he’d come back earlier? What if he’d never come back at all?

As it was Maya’s almost… lack of a reaction and anger threw him, explaining why he stood there looking confused and as if he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with her response. Because if he was being honest he didn’t know what to do. Faye and Tuah’s anger… it was predictable, it was something he knew more or less how to handle but the almost… sheer acceptance given by Maya left him feeling even more thrown because it left him without a ground to know how he should act. Without that he simply felt off kilter. Perhaps it was more that he’d wanted anger. Wanted them to choose to punish him perhaps more than he already had. Either way returning had been a 50/50 decision...

Already, Fane wasn’t sure how to handle everything. He had his shop that was starting to take shape, Faye and Tuah both hated and were ignoring him respectively and perhaps that would be the way of it though a part of him was tempted to take flight again. To forget this stupid idea entirely because a part of him, a part of him hoped to reconcile with his old friends and for them to be that again… because although he wouldn’t admit it a part of him had been lonely for too long now longing for something… more. Something he’d never really found elsewhere, after all true friendships were forged at such tender ages and Fane would never truly forget the people back home he cared for, Maya, Tuah and especially Faye.

She forgave him, but living for so long with that guilt he could only feel like she was trying to placate him… To tell him what he wanted to hear just to keep him around and not because she did genuinely forgive him. After all, he didn’t deserve to be forgiven regardless of how much a part of him truly longed for it. “I don’t know what you’re on about,” he answered indignantly to her declaration that he had been punishing himself after all, by now it had grown to simply be a subconscious consequence of many things he chose to do whether he realised it or not.

“Okay,” he relented with a faint smile “you always had that tough independent shtick going on and you acted like you didn’t need anybody but yourself… and don’t even get me started on you not getting into trouble… But for what it’s worth I’m glad you’re happy.”

Maya mentioned her own handling of stress and Fane idly rubbed his arm subconsciously feeling uncertain with the topic of conversation which thankfully moved onto her children. “Gees, all grown up then… Wow…” the words were breathed faintly but he still smiled regardless though it sobered some as she mentioned their own respective childhoods. “Hard to be a kid when you’ve got the stuff we had to worry about.. But it’s good that they get to be kids, no one deserves what any of us went through. I’d never wish it upon a person.”

There was no helping how his gaze shifted and it was hard not to notice how Faye vanished later in the evening and Fane idly wondered why. Where was she that she wasn’t with the others when he could still see Tuah and various other people they’d known once upon a time. He didn’t blame Maya for wanting to share this with him, but there was no helping the guilt he felt not only about what he’d done by about what he’d created by even returning.

Perhaps he should have stayed gone.

“Hm?” he was drawn from his contemplations by her statement and a small shrug was earned in answer but before any further questions could be asked he was up and walking off to the bathroom. He was gone for a little period of time, needing to take a moment to catch his breath and splash a little water on his face to try and maintain some of his composure. The selfish part of him was tempted to disapparate back home but the heavy weight of what he’d put them all through stayed his hand. Drying his hands on the towel and checking he looked alright he blew out a shallow breath before returning feeling a little calmer but no more prepared for whatever came next than when he’d left.

Maya barely managed not to roll her eyes, “Of course you don’t.” She had far more patience now than she had fifteen years ago. Still she could feel herself starting to get frustrated. She worried what would happen if he didn’t talk about, worried that he would walk out of their lives without a glance back. And if anyone was qualified to help him it was her. She spent the last fourteen years of her life dealing with exactly this sort of thing.

But it terrified Maya more that she might scare him off with anything other than her calm acceptance. Her anger had been almost legendary. Once back in school she had told off Draco in the middle of the Great Hall. It had been a fiery speech which had called out his daddy issue based feelings of inadequacies along with the fact that he had been spoiled beyond all capacity for self improvement. The second part had luckily turned out to be inaccurate. He had even started to see her several years ago. Maya had never been known for her ability to keep her thoughts to herself, a fact perhaps best exemplified by her and Fane’s conspiracy show where she had come up with many creative insults for Voldemort. She had paid dearly for her anger back in those days, but she had borne the pain without complaint. Someone had to be brave, she used to say, or there would be no chance at hope for anyone else. That might’ve been just how she justified her actions to herself, but they had won in the end, so maybe it had helped.  

“I was wrong about that,” Maya admitted quietly when he mentioned her previous insistence that she didn’t need anyone, “People need people, much as I never wanted to admit it.” Sometimes she thought that was part of why they were friends. As kids they never wanted to own that maybe sometimes they needed someone to lean on, but when they did neither of them made the other admit it. Maya had spent so many cumulative hours talking to Fane about her parents, how much she missed them, how much she worried that they wouldn’t be proud of her, and he had never judged her, never held her need for human connection against her. In turn she had been there for him as much as he would let her.  “But thanks, it means a lot,” she added and it did mean a lot that she could finally share her happiness with him, made it feel more real somehow.

Maya shook her head with a smile, “No, at twelve and eleven not grown up at all. And I’m grateful for every stupid childish mistake they make. Sometimes I forget to get mad because it doesn’t cost them as much it would’ve cost us and I’m just so grateful for that. I think they think they have the chillest mum in the world.” She wouldn’t wish their childhood on anyone else either. What gave her solace though was that everything they had gone through their children didn’t have to. It would’ve been better if they had been allowed to be children too, but if they had to go through what they did for their children to have childhoods she’d do it all again.

When Fane left he was gone for just a little too long and Maya worried that he had disappeared again. She stood and started walking towards the bathroom. “If you’ve disappeared on me again...” she began before almost running into him in the hallway. With a sigh she shook her head, feeling her emotions clawing at the back of her throat. He seemed to be still one foot in and one foot out, unwilling to admit that coming back was the best decision he’d made in the last fifteen years. No matter how painful it was. “Look, Fane,” Maya began again. “There are so many people I would’ve given almost anything to have back. My parents, Lupin, Fred...” she paused for effect, “You. And now you’re here and you’re not dead and I didn’t even have to give anything up. So no, I’m not going to waste my time being angry with you for leaving because if the war taught me anything it’s that time is precious. But if you leave again, I swear on Merlin’s grave that I will find you myself and I will drag you back kicking and screaming if I have to. I’m not going to lose you again. You don’t get to decide if I want you in my life because you think you’re too dangerous to be around or you don’t deserve to be cared about or whatever stupid other thing you’ve cooked up in that thick skull of yours. And I get this is kind of a lecture and you’re probably doing a little turtle thing right now, but this is what’s going to happen you’re going to stay and tell me where the fuck you’ve been and then you’re going to stay the night because I would bet all the money in Gringotts that you’ve been alone for way too long and you’re going to meet my husband and one day this summer you’re going to meet my children and tell them stories about me at Hogwarts and I’ll pretend to be embarrassed, but let’s be honest I was kind of a fucking badass. Do I make myself clear Fane?”

Maya stopped and let out a breath, “Alright that sort of got away from me.” She stood by every word though. It seemed like had expected anger and well he had gotten it. “I going to have some more wine, take all the time you need,” she added before turning away to return to the kitchen. After sitting at the table Maya put her head in her hands, rubbing her temples. She hadn’t meant to get that emotional. She wasn’t seventeen anymore for god’s sake, but having this same somehow one sided argument again after so long was more than she could handle calmly. More than angry she was scared and Maya had never been good at being scared. For all her self-improvement she still struggled with fear.

For most of the time that it truly mattered Fane had prioritised the feelings of other people and their well-being over his own. His own familial issues coming from the fact that where he lacked a paternal figure, was left with an overbearing mother and stuck the middle of so many siblings it was hard to keep track of them… It was hard not to feel like a spare or an odd one out. To wonder whether if he went missing whether anyone would truly notice, or even truly care. Still, Maya’s admittance of being wrong was met with a small huff but no verbal response.

Their mistrust of others had been a foundation of their friendship, but it was also the support that they both could offer the other in times of need without actively needing to say or truly do anything. There was a mutual understanding and trust, and though it took him a lot longer than it did Maya to talk about things he always did eventually. It was only when he was prodded that he retracted, sharply and visibly into himself and to get anything out of him in those states was like getting blood from a stone.

Fane wasn’t a parent, and though he was still relatively young for his age; still in his early thirties he was starting to get on. Too many times he’d passed a family with young children and been unable to help himself from wondering just what his life might’ve been like if he had stayed. If he did let himself form such connections and tethers once more. Still, he smiled faintly as she spoke of being the chillest mum in the world “bet they wouldn’t believe what you were like in school then.”

To say the thought hadn’t crossed his mind would have been a lie, to simply vanish where he stood and hop over to some faraway place. Except, it was hard to go back to being dead when people now knew of your existence in the world… if it wasn’t Maya then likely Faye would have taken jurisdiction and dragged him back either by the ear or the ankle depending on how lenient she felt. Right now, Fane wasn’t sure whether returning was the best decision he’d ever made. Every reaction had been negative, at least negative and neutral in Maya’s part. The fact left him feeling empty and unsure.

The narrow space of the corridor served as a decent blockade, stopping him from advancing or retreating and ultimately leaving him feeling highly claustrophobic to the point his fingers curled in the sleeves of his jumper uncomfortably. He tugged slightly at the material stretching it down over his hands until all he had were paws and there was no stopping the tension that wound in his shoulders as she mentioned Lupin of all people, it stirred something low and fierce in him and his formerly neutral expression grew somewhat defensive arms slipping over one another as his body language and general approach shut down stoking up his discomfort levels another notch. He did nothing, nor said a word as she continued on however the muscles of his shoulders crunched tighter together particularly when she called him thick-skulled not liking the implication of her words at all though if his frown was anything to go by nor did he appreciate her words. No argument was made, beyond the lowered status of his eyes but by the time she was done his arms had tightened more around his ribs.

If there was one thing that had never changed, it was the fact that Fane didn’t take direct requests borderline orders such as those he was presented to by Maya incredibly well. The prospect of having to talk, especially regarding something he hadn’t truly prepared caught him, and Fane’s breath almost stopped. God he hated being put on the spot, even more than the fact that he hated being put on the spot was the fact he didn’t feel ready mentally, physically or psychologically ready for it. “I don’t need to stay the night,” he muttered under his breathe, having absolutely no intention of staying here tonight. He had his own bed, his own residence.

Suffice to say he was not a child nor did he appreciate being treated as one.

“I’ll happily meet your husband but I’m really fine… I live in the city, it’s not hard to get back.” As for her lonely remark he figured it better not to respond than confirm she was right about it.

His hoodie-pawed palms clutched at the material of his jumper around the side panel pulling it tight a little the temptation to bolt increasing with everything she said. He never did have many words to express what he felt, he was more of a tactile and physically engaged student of every discipline he’d studied. When Maya finally left for the kitchen he was left feeling incredibly restless and deciding that perhaps another bit of a step away might help.

Explaining why, instead of following after Maya Fane promptly turned in the opposite direction towards the front door and slipped outside into the brisk countryside air. As soon as the coldness hit his face he took in a breath to calm himself down deciding to light up a single cigarette and burning his way through it before it was ashed and Fane walked back through the door he’d left partially ajar. Walking back into the kitchen he made no noise, and for a few long moments wondered if there was really any point to this or whether he simply should just leave. Ultimately, he cleared his throat “any more wine?” he asked not meeting Maya’s eye hoping to delay this for at least a little while longer even though he was aware it was rather futile.

Maya laughed at herself, “Yeah, chill was never really my strong suit, was it?” She had no problem admitting that. Back in those days she’d been mostly action and bravado as if she thought that maybe if she was loud enough someone would notice her. After her parents had been killed she had often felt overlooked. She wanted to define herself by something else too, something other than the girl with the dead parents. Bravado and action had seemed the easiest way to do it as well as the easiest way to convince everyone she wasn’t afraid. It wasn’t exactly the definition of healthy life choices, but she had been a teenager dropped in the middle of a war. Maya had long since forgiven her younger self and learned to take care of her better. Even now though she wasn’t all patience and calmness, as evidenced by her outburst.

When Maya heard the swing of her front door opening she started to cry. Even with only a few moment’s distance from her little speech she knew that she had made a mistake. Fane wasn’t the type to talk just because she demanded it. And bringing up Lupin wouldn’t help her case either. In fact both those things were among the most likely to make him flee if he was already considering it. She should’ve stopped the moment she saw him start to scrunch his hands into his jacket, doing a little turtle thing as she had just called it. As it turned out knowing people often meant being the most capable of hurting them, even if by accident. She’d lost control for a moment and now he was gone again. As she cried she didn’t lift her face from her heads. She wasn’t seventeen anymore and should’ve known better. In fact, she did know better. But Maya had let her fear get the better of her for a moment. And that was all it took.

He was gone.

The same pain she had felt the first time he left bloomed in her chest, the same sense of powerlessness. This time it wasn’t mixed in with the rest of her grief from the war, forcing her to feel it more acutely. She hated that feeling. Now she knew herself well enough to know that her savior tendencies were born out of not being able to save her parents. She never wanted to feel that powerless again, no matter what it cost her. It was why she had developed the independent streak too. And Maya thought she had grown out of it. Fane though with his own stubborn independence had the ability to draw out the worst of her along with the best. Half the time he made her feel like it didn’t matter what she had to say. He was going to do whatever he wanted regardless of anyone’s advice or feelings, regardless of how it might make her feel. If he thought it was best to disappear for years he would, no matter how good her arguments were. Sitting in her kitchen Maya felt the same inadequacies that had plagued her during her school years, the ones she had never admitted to anyone, that at the end of the day she didn’t matter. She was just some Slytherin orphan who didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut, more likely bound for martyrdom than a life after the war.

It had only been by living after the war and helping people that she had figured out how to quiet that voice in her head. Now though it felt like it was shouting at her again. She could try any tactic she wanted, but nobody would listen to her. Why should they after all? What did she even know? She was just some silly little orphan with delusions of grandeur.

The shock of hearing Fane speak again caused Maya to stop crying as her head snapped up. Her shock melted again, this time into a fragile smile. “I thought you had left again,” she spoke softly, voice a little raw, “I’m sorry I raised my voice. You don’t...you don’t have to talk. I just…” She still struggled to find the right words, as if the right words mattered said that voice in her head. She knew from her training though that it would be better to admit the root cause of her anger. Maya’s gaze fell to the table a little embarrassed, “I’m terrified you’re going to walk out that door and I’ll never see you again. And I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to convince you that you should stay or that I’m happy you’re home. Not that it ever really mattered what I had to say about it, but I am.” She pulled her gaze up to him again, “For whatever it’s worth I am glad you’re home. Just please don’t go.”

Once more he hadn’t considered the impact his momentary departure might have, was he feeling rather uncomfortably vulnerable? Yes. Did he need some space? Yes. He figured Maya wouldn’t appreciate him lighting up and smoking out the inside of her house explaining why he’d headed outside to fill himself to the brim on ash if only for a little while. The coldness helped to numb any sting that Maya’s words had inflicted, especially her throwaway remark about Lupin and it was there his thoughts lay grimacing into the seemingly endless night. It was a terrible habit, yet another of his very extensive list of vices. He crushed the cigarette out exhaling the last of the smoke through his nose feeling a little more calm now that he walked back in.

Despite all outward appearances, Fane could remember their talks. Those nights where Maya needed to get out of the Slytherin common room and how he’d spend a solid while arguing with the door knocker as to the reasons why he should be let in with one of his friends until his stubbornness caused the knocker to relent and permit them entrance into the soaring heights of the Ravenclaw tower. Fane could remember the times they had stayed up beyond the hours when his housemates had gone to bed, holding mugs of coffee and looking out at the sight of the castle… Talking about everything and anything. Their hopes and after a while of growing to trust one another their fears. The things that made them happy and the things that pained them to even think of.

Maya’s feelings of inadequacy were something he’d always noticed considering they were feelings he shared, and he knew how much he hated having the spotlight shone on himself and them as a result explaining why he’d never judged or made a big deal out of whatever she had to say to him. Fane appreciated candor and Maya had always been candid with him even if it hurt. Unfortunately, she was right. He was stubborn and for a long time the only thing he’d needed to think about was what he felt suited him best which right now was getting some air and getting away from the accusations being slung at him. Not having people around to care for had led to a certain measure of obliviousness regarding their own reactions and interpretations of the things he did.

Returning to the sound of crying led to Fane standing for a long few moments awkwardly debating just what he was supposed to do. His hands hand turtled away into his pockets this time, his body language uncertain and unsure of what he should do when she looked with enough force he mildly worried she might break her neck he could only stand there and look at her rather plainly confused as she said she’d thought he’d left. “Left?” but realisation dawned on him a few moments later causing him to shift his weight uncomfortably “oh-- um… no. I was--” his expression grew a little guilt as he pulled out the cigarette pack from his pocket “figured you wouldn’t appreciate me smoking up the house…” He shook the box slightly before moving to shove it away in a pocket again his hand moving to scratch behind his ear awkwardly. Maya’s admission… didn’t exactly surprise him but his hand dropped after a small tug of his ear and after a moment he stepped closer until he could reach out and lightly set a hand on her shoulder. “I know you’re… happy that I’m back… just as you’re all pissed at me” that much was blazingly apparent “it’s… it’s not easy… I um--” his words trailed off and his brows pinched he never had been great with words “I’m not-- great, at any of this… It’s been a long time since I’ve had to think about other people… and I didn’t think that stepping outside would make you think that…” he blew out a small breath eyes guilt-ridden as he looked at her “I’m sorry.” His hand left her shoulder with a squeeze and he took her hand then “I’m not planning on going… Can’t say I feel… happy or very welcomed back by anyone really but I guess I shouldn’t have expected things not to be as bad as they seem to be if I ever did come back…”

“I’m here now… Just--” he searched for the right words not sure what he wanted to say or do “don’t push me-- There are things I need to do but I can’t just-- I can’t just do them, I need time, you know?” They had both changed in ways for the better and worse, and before he felt comfortable telling her things… They needed to re-establish that trust.

As he spoke, as halting as his speech was, Maya came back to herself. Fane had just gone out for a smoke. She wiped the tears away from her cheeks, almost embarrassed by them. Maybe it would help him understand how much he had been missed. It would take her time to trust that he wasn’t disappearing again. “No that’s fine, thank you,” she replied that he had been out for a smoke. She did appreciate his taking it outside, although she also thought he shouldn’t be doing it at all. But Maya had given enough lectures for today. She could save that one for a time when he was less stressed out.

Fane continued, his words hesitant like they were still forming as he spoke them. She waited as he did, letting him say as much as he would. It was her turn to feel guilty when he said that anyone had made him feel welcome. Maya had meant to make him feel welcome. It had just gotten momentarily lost. In all the conflicting emotion of his sudden return she’d lost control for a second. But Fane was still here and planned on staying, that was what mattered.

“It’s not even about being angry, Fane,” she replied because she wasn’t angry, not really. He had punished himself far more than she ever would’ve, whatever his crime. “Angry is easy and it doesn’t feel as vulnerable. It’s being scared and hurt and honestly the surprise doesn’t help,” Maya explained. She smiled a little, “Not that I really know how you’d prepare someone for information like this. I can’t technically speak for anyone else you’ve seen, but I know that it feels easier to be angry than to admit that you’re hurt. They’ll come around.”   

Maya gave him a toothy smile, “And well, you’ve always been stuck with me.” Especially those last few years at Hogwarts she had spent more and more time outside of her own common room. Most often she ended up in Ravenclaw Tower, drinking coffee and talking about just about everything with Fane. But no one in the other common rooms was ever surprised to find her there either. The Hufflepuff Common Room was easy to get into once someone knew the trick. Unsurprisingly they had always been most accepting of her presence. The Ravenclaw knocker eventually came to appreciate her wise-ass answers to its question, or so she told herself. Someone had to tell her the password for Gryffindor or she could wait at the bottom of the staircase until some other student came back if she was really desperate. Her presence in these areas of the castle meant that she made friends outside of her house, which was probably part of the reason she was one of the few Slytherins in DA.

Nodding, Maya added, “And take all the time you need, yeah? I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

She thought for a moment about reminding him that it wasn’t a throwaway remark to her about Lupin, remember his reaction to that part particularly. She missed her old professor just as much as anyone else she’d lost. Fane wasn’t the only one who had loved him. Besides even if it was just for Teddy, who had become one of her patients a few months ago, she would want him back. But it felt too much like pushing so Maya kept her mouth shut.

“But I would like you to stay for dinner,” she said instead, “Logan’s an amazing cook. You don’t have to or anything, but...” She trailed because there was nothing else to say about it. He didn’t have to stay, but she wanted to, wanted to start making up for lost time.  

If she knew of the other things Fane sometimes did when he needed to get away from or in control of the things he felt, smoking would have been one of the lowest on the list of concerning his vices and behaviours. It was nothing he was proud of either to talk about or to admit, but just another set of things to add onto the list of things he felt ashamed of. So her thanks of his choosing to do so was met with a small nod his hands returning back to his pockets where they stayed.

His words were staccatoed much like his thoughts were a haphazard and disjointed mess and he was trying to make sense of them before he spoke in hopes of making as much sense as he could. Not to say he wasn’t in tune with how he felt, but sometimes he just figured it was better to shut it away and ignore it than risk opening a box that he couldn’t get the lid on again once it was off. Maya had been more welcoming than the others, but Fane had never really been one to mince his words and whilst he felt a little better here with her it didn’t change the fact that a part of him still felt as though her words were somewhat placating. To give him what she thought he wanted to hear, not that he truly thought Maya to not be genuine in her consideration just-- it was hard to understand why she wouldn’t be anything but angry like the others had been even with her explanations.

Fane knew that while she was talking about herself and the others the words she used struck a little too close to home, for a long time he’d let his anger and pain cloud so much of his judgement and decisions. For a time after his disappearance and dropping his mother off at Azkaban and tormenting a few of his own tormentors in revenge he’d laid low, pulled himself back together and tended to his wounds it was only several years later after he’d learned of the fate of Lupin that his vision had gone red and he’d returned to that godforsaken shithole of an island to get what he hoped would feel like a semblance of vengeance for the late professor who Fane had come to see as a somewhat paternal figure in the time he’d been at school. Everyone had been sad about Lupin’s departure but at the time Fane had felt like the whole world had crumbled around him, Lupin leaving had hurt more than his own father’s disappearance the year before which spoke volumes to the relationship he’d developed with the professor. The subject was a touchy one, and partly why he reacted so tetchily when people did bring up Lupin. It simply was better not to go there.

“Well, Tuah’s ignoring me entirely… Faye hexed me and I’m struggling to see how either of them are going to come around…” Faye he could perhaps see with time and an explanation but Tuah? Despite how close they once were Fane wasn’t sure he was entirely comfortable sharing the full truth with him, and unless he did… Then Fane wasn’t sure he could ever see Tuah coming around very easily if at all. That was a catch 22 and a half.

His shoulders lifted and fell but the minute nod that came with it served as acknowledgement to her words. He wasn’t about to say it was something he would never talk about, how long it would take for him to feel comfortable broaching it would be highly dependent on how long it took for them to reestablish their former friendship and trust. One day he would, but today things felt too fresh and raw. He felt edgy and practically set to fly at the smallest inkling of something about this going entirely too far South, better to just take their time.

The invitation for dinner caused him to straighten a little, “oh--” he hadn’t been expecting that invitation and it clearly caught him by surprised if the mild look of panic that flickered across his expression was anything to go by. Meeting her husband so soon? After everything Fane wasn’t sure if he felt entirely comfortable imposing considering he’d practically gatecrashed her evening as it was. “Um--” his eyes drifted slightly “I wouldn’t want to impose on you or him… And I’m sure you’d rather have an evening to yourself… It’s not like… Well, not like I gave you warning that I was coming ‘n’ I feel bad for turning up unannounced so… What about another evening?” It wasn’t like he had all too many plans with friends considering all friends at the moment were practically avoiding him like the plague.

If Maya had known that Fane didn’t entirely believe her words, or at the very least didn’t understand them she would’ve asked if he had ever known her to be anything less than annoying candid. After all not more than twenty minutes ago she’d called him a thick skulled turtle. But she had meant the rest of it too. Maya would’ve given almost anything to have him back and now he was. Anger was a waste of time. Seeing as she knew the root cause of it she could work through that instead.

And maybe, just maybe having kids had made her a little soft.

“They’ll come around,” Maya repeated, “Trust me. I’m a doctor now.” She made a mental note to talk to both of them. It technically wasn’t interfering since she wouldn’t tell either Faye or Tuah how to feel about Fane’s return. She was just literally licensed to help them process their feelings, deal with the root cause of their anger. It would take time though, even if she was able to help. It would also take Fane talking about why he had left in the first place, which would probably take longer.

She counted as a win when Fane shrugged a little when she told him that she would be there to talk when he was ready. It wasn’t the turtle thing he did when he was just waiting for her to shut up. And any other time he was deeply uncomfortable. This would take time too. Honestly it would take time for her to trust him entirely too, to not worry that whenever he left he would come back eventually or to let him met her sons. She had said one day this summer, but Maya wasn’t really sure about that. While her husband was an adult who knew all about her friendship with Fane and his disappearance she would never expose her children to that potential pain of being left behind. From her earlier lecture it was clear that while she planned to deal with the root cause of her anger it was still there. Maya wasn’t quite evolved enough to not feel it at all. But to some degree the only way to trust again was to take the leap and cross her fingers.

Clear as well was the fact that Fane wasn’t entirely comfortable with idea with having dinner. Considering it too it occurred to her that Logan was liable to punch Fane if he got close enough. While she had their school days friendship and understanding of Fane as person to soften her anger at the pain he had caused her Logan didn’t. Upon learning that Fane was back in town Logan would probably remember her sobbing on the day before the wedding, wondering why Fane had chosen not to be there. Or the day they received their wedding video from Dennis Creevey when she had scoured it for some trace of Fane because she had hoped against all reason that he would show up anyway.  Or Logan might remember her filming a little video after the events at Azkaban and having to shut off the camera because of her sobbing. All events which Maya really didn’t want to talk to Fane about.

“Actually,” Maya admitted, “You might be right. I should talk to Logan before I have you over. Otherwise he might try to punch you. He’s American and sometimes i think it comes with a cowboy complex. You wouldn’t be imposing, at all, but you’ve been attacked more than enough since coming back.” She loved Logan, of course, and his willingness to defend her. It wasn’t that she needed defending, a fact he knew, but it was nice not to have to defend herself all the time. It would be good to talk to Logan first, remind him that she wanted Fane punched she would’ve done it herself. “Would next Wednesday work for you?” she asked. It would give her plenty of time to talk out some of her own feelings as well as remind Logan that she didn’t need defending from her friends.

“And will you at least tell me what you’re doing for work now that you’re back?” Maya asked. She didn’t entirely trust him to reach out again. Obviously this hadn’t gone perfectly, which would no doubt deter him from returning soon. She’d like to know where she could find him on her own terms.

He merely gave her a dubious look, saying nothing more on the topic because if he was honest he didn’t entirely know how he felt about their respective reactions. Time would tell what the outcome would be with either one of those relationships. For now, Fane simply planned on letting some distance settle between them until they either came to terms with his return or… Well, he wasn’t sure what the other outcome was. Probably just continue to ignore his existence forever he supposed.  

Fane’s thoughts were no where on the future, he’d been living day to day for fifteen years and there was nothing that was about to change imminently regarding that fact. He couldn’t really think long-term when everything in his life was very much in boxes and rather jumbled. Slowly he’d get it sorted by Faye’s impromptu ‘shady business check’ had thrown a major spanner in the various plans he did have going on setting into motion a chain of events he wasn’t exactly prepared for in the slightest.

The suggestion of dinner was unexpected, Fane hadn’t been intending on staying too long here anyway unsure whether he’d be interrupting anything in the first place considering this was technically Maya’s personal time. Plus, if he’d only just seen Maya he wasn’t sure whether he was entirely ready for anything more than seeing her for now… A husband and children would simply bring everything home to make him realise even more of what he’d missed in life. Fifteen years, after all, was a very long time.

So hearing Maya’s admittance that he might get punched for even lingering here for much longer, caused his eyes to drift uncertainly towards the door. “Well-- right… Okay then” while he tried to plaster a wan smile on his features at her mention of a cowboy complex it didn’t quite ease the edge that had crept back into him as he lingered a few steps away. “If it’s alright with you I’d rather keep my face intact… I’ve already had to endure one broken nose as it is…” Still, Fane pulled out his phone from his pocket and checked the calendar “Wednesday would work… Any particular time?” he questioned looking up at her leaving the details down to her to organise considering at least this time she would have some forewarning to his arrival.

The inquiry into his work earned a pause, unsure quite how to word what it was he got up to these days. “I’ve set up a-- curio shop I guess you could call it… I trade things and deal favours. Stuff like that, nothing fancy, I’ve got a place above it” it was vague but it was enough to give a general idea of the stuff he got up to without needing to delve into the backroom items he occasionally dabbled and dealt in these days. Not to say he was dealing in bad things just that his studies had led him to studying topics that most might consider ‘dark magic’ and that there might be a few practises he’d rather the Ministry didn’t learn about.

“He wouldn’t actually do it,” Maya tried to reassure Fane, but knew it probably wouldn’t go very far. And to be completely honest she wasn’t entirely sure it was true. They both knew that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She’d been doing it since the orphanage and survived a war doing it. The thought that Logan didn’t believe her more than capable of defending of herself never crossed her mind. With the war over it was a situation that had rarely come up. There had been one time when Draco had dropped by her office to become a patient which had ended in a black eye, Draco’s not Logan’s. She did sort of love him for the fact that he went with his fists instead of his wand. It as also a mistake. Maya and Logan had argued over her taking Draco on as a patient, considering their school days. Maya was confident too  that with a little discussion Logan would realize that Fane wasn’t someone she needed defending from either. People made mistakes and sometimes they made years long mistakes based on false premises.  “I think it’s just too many Westerns growing up,” she said, not wanting Fane to dread coming over, “You know how Americans are.”

She grinned when, despite whatever hesitations he might have, he agreed to dinner. “5:30?” she offered, “I’m home by then these days.” In the early days of her practice she sometimes ended up pulling twelve hour days, which had both emotionally and physically exhausted her. It had gotten better over the years and with the addition of other doctors. Still Maya had a tendency to be on call whenever someone needed her whether it be late at night or on the weekend. At first Logan had loved her for devotion to others and then gotten annoyed by having dates and romantic nights ruined plus the toll it took on her, but they had worked through it together, found a balance that worked for both of them. As it turned out letting someone else take care of her on occasion wasn’t all that bad.

Maya was glad to hear too that he had a place over his new shop. The idea of him staying in his lonely and metaphorical ghost-filled family estate didn’t sit well with her. It might have literal ghosts as well, but the metaphorical ones bothered her more. She knew him well enough to know too that whatever business he’d gotten into wouldn’t be considered entirely on the up and up. Fane had always been interested in “darker” kinds of magic. Although he might argue that any magic could be used for ill it just depended on the user. “So Knockturn Alley then?” Maya asked to be sure she knew where she could check in on him. Both for his own well-being and for to settle her anxiety about him disappearing again.

“Yeah-- well, I’d rather not run the risk” could he be blamed for not particularly fancying having his face smashed in again? Still, he offered Maya a faint smile regardless to show he wasn’t too sketchy over this. As much as Fane would like to say he was a physical sort of person, one look at him suggested otherwise. He was built for duelling not brawling and he knew it, which was precisely where he focussed his efforts at bettering himself on. Though he figured spelling Maya’s husband down if he did get aggressive would not go down well and should be something he refrained from doing. “Yeah-- I do.”

“Five thirty?” he echoed just checking his plans before he nodded his head and quickly tapped it into his schedule “how about six? Give you a chance to get home from work and stuff rather than me turning up just as you get in?” He was trying to be considerate to her, considering he’d been the one to request that perhaps dinner be another night and that he didn’t really want to interrupt her life all too much than he felt he had already.

The family estate from his knowledge had mostly been left empty for many of the years, Fane had lost contact with every other member of his family-- though they had all abandoned the family’s cause before the war began… Only his utterly devoted mother had been the last one standing at the Dark Lord’s side explaining his hesitancy to hurt or duel her that very last day in the courtyard. Even now he could remember the heavy smell of burnt ozone that hung on the air in the aftermath of so much spellwork, that first spell she’d thrown at Faye that had set him into a whirlwind of action. Maya’s question drew him back from dwelling on those thoughts for too long though. “Hm? Oh, yeah that’s it not too bad a place to live actually now that the Ministry isn’t corrupt as hell. Borgin and Burkes got shut down so I figured I’d make use of the lack of one…” he shrugged his shoulders a little as his eyes once more drew back to her.

“Fair enough,” Maya replied, giving him a faint smile herself. She wouldn’t say her husband’s bark was worse than his bite, certainly not when he was within earshot. But she worried more that anticipation of what Logan might do than anything he would actually do. It seemed alright now, but Maya knew only too well Fane’s ability to build things up in his head. When he offered six instead of five thirty she nodded, “Yeah that’s fine. It’ll give me a chance to make myself pretty.”

If she had known Fane was doing his best not to interrupt her life Maya would’ve laughed at how ridiculous she thought that idea was. That’s what friends did, certainly friends who came back from the dead after fifteen years. And she wanted him too, wanted to be properly friends again. She would have no such qualms though about turning up in his shop. Just as she’d had no qualms about interrupting his study sessions to talk conspiracy theories. What’s happening now is way more important than what’s happening in that dusty old book Maya used to say. He would then usually explain in detail how whatever he was reading related to what was happening now and she’d be forced to concede that point. But seeing as she almost always managed to draw him into conversation she saw it as a lose a battle win the war sort of situation.

Maya had lost Fane for a moment to some memory. She didn’t ask him about it. In the early years after the war she’d gotten lost plenty herself, occasionally reliving moments of the Battle of Hogwarts she wished she could change. The nightmares were the worst though. Sometimes she still had them, but she was better at dealing with them now. “Yeah, I lived over there after the war. Rent was dirt cheap since half the old occupants were in Azkaban,” she replied. Sometimes she missed living in the city, but it was better to raise kids where they were now. Besides the city wasn’t that far anyway. About the fact Borgin and Burkes got shut down Maya nodded, “I heard. That’ll be good business, you’ll be good at it.”

“You don’t need to do that,” he commented lightly because it was true, Maya always had been a beautiful girl when he’d known her and even now she was an incredible woman. He’d be blind and an idiot to deny either of those facts. “But alright six works…” with that arranged and put into his calendar he tucked his phone away once more.

His uncertainty regarding interrupting stemmed from his concern over where they might stand with one another. Yes, Maya had welcomed him back but to welcome him home and welcome him back into her life were two different things. Things had changed for the both of them, even if there were things that had stayed the same despite the years. However, turning up to his shop and simply turning up on her doorstep and her practise unannounced were rather two separate things at least they were in his opinion.

Fane didn’t relive things so very often now, only unless something specific came up in a conversation or the surroundings to remind him. Either that or it happened when it was night and he’d not taken anything to block the memories. “Yeah… The Ministry decided to try and clear the area up so it’s not actually as rough as it used to be,” he remarked with a small shrug scratching the back of his neck. “We’ll see, it’s still early days…” Fane still wasn’t entirely sure whether he would be any good at it, he’d been struggling for the last fifteen years to truly find something he really enjoyed and felt passionate about beyond educating himself in other schools and types of magical practise. Trading and collecting artefacts had simply become a way of keeping money flowing into his account to fund his expeditions. The world and almost everything else in it had simply felt rather muted but colour was starting to bleed back in slowly. “Um-- But, I’m guessing you have things you need to do… So...” Fane thumbed over his shoulder figuring that perhaps now would be a good time to head off.

Maya stopped herself just short of teasing him. In the old days she would’ve feigned shock, made some joke about was it because she was always beautiful then called him a flirt. In the old days she might’ve gotten him to blush or stammer with that. Now though with the initial shock of his being alive Maya felt more acutely that Fane was in many ways a stranger now. The years had absolutely changed her and they had changed him too. Instead she nodded, “Good, is there anything I should tell Logan not to make?”

She was glad to hear that Knockturn Alley wasn’t as dangerous as it had once been. When she had lived there it hadn’t exactly been safe. But Maya was well known enough for her own dangerousness that people mostly left her alone. Anyone who didn’t found themselves on the end of a punch or a hex depending on how close they were standing. “Good, good,” Maya replied because she wasn’t sure what else to say. There was so much to say. She had no idea where to start. It would be impossible to talk about her own life without making mention of his absence, a subject that he seemed not ready to talk about.

For most of her life though Maya had been honest, almost to a fault, which was an odd trait for a Slytherin. If someone pointed it out she would shrug, say she was loyal to herself and saying exactly what she thought was the only way to do that. If Fane didn’t want honesty, on some level, he wouldn’t have shown up on her doorstep she told herself. He would’ve gone to someone who would lie to him to make things easier and not even fifteen years could make her into that person. She didn’t really know that though, had to hope it and that felt pretty fragile.

Maya could see that Fane was getting ready to leave. It sounded like he’d had an exhausting few days, so she wouldn’t stop him. Even though part of her wanted to keep him here as long as she could. “Sure, if you want to go. Just don’t be a stranger, okay Fane?” Maya replied with the ghost of a smile, “You’re always welcome here, day or night.” She had meant what she said, every word even the less than kind ones. More than most she knew how rare second chances with loved ones were and she wouldn’t waste this one.  

“Nope, still have the appetite of a horse though I’m still not good with spicy food” he remarked with a slight laugh “so really anything that doesn’t make me end up looking like a tomato.” For the most part Fane enjoyed almost anything within reason, so long as it was edible he was willing to at least give it a try and some of the things he’d eaten over the years were-- questionable, at best. But exploring and trying new things was part of the parcel that came with travelling.

It had certainly been a whirlwind few days, and Fane still felt like he was imposing a bit on her time. Plus, the thought of a husband punching him wasn’t the most ideal of thoughts nor how he particularly fancied ending this evening. Better to leave now than risk it regardless of how much he wanted to hear about what Maya had gotten up to over the years. But there was time for that in the future. “Alright,” he made a show of crossing his heart some of the tiredness in his eyes vanishing “promise.”

Taking a step back Fane glanced at his watch “I’ll see you around Parker,” with a final faint smile he drew his wand from his pocket and disaperated in a snap.

[teoriasemserie-blog]

OPERATION MIXTAPE

The music in  ouat and in the SQ’s eps. The music actually entered the plot significantly in season 5, when Emma was in darkness. The darkness represents the closed mind, which refuses to accept its feelings and fight for what it wants, as a result the mind begins to get sick with the person, and we can say that about Emma, ​​she has totally lost herself, and seems really sick, even after supposedly leaving the darkness, because her mind goes in darkness, she continues to refuse to admit what she feels. The song appeared in The Price, in the Camelot dance, with the song "Only you", while Emma and Regina dance with their respective partners, the music plays and Regina looks at Emma exactly at the moment that says "Only You." For a person out of the darkness she needs love, a kiss of love, we saw Emma come out of the darkness through the pain, which means that she did not really come out of the darkness, she goes in the dark, and she needs love to leave , in this ep they show us that the song will help Emma to heal, and she will come through Regina. Facts that support this:

- The lyrics of Only You talk about it "all I needed was the love you gave me, all I needed for another day";

- "At the end of the ep The Price, the darkness speaks to Emma about what has always prevented the Dark Ones, and darkness places Regina as the magic capable of undoing the deeds of them, we have seen light magic does not overcome the Dark Ones, there is only one magic capable of this, the magic of true love;

- Regina was paralleled to Bella, she is the light of Emma, she is the love that Emma refuses to accept;

- All SQ eps since season 5 finale have song names;

- Henry created an operation to prevent the magic from separating his mothers and put the name of Operation Mixtape, which has to do with a collection of songs;

List of songs:

- Only you - ep 5x22

- Jessie's girl - ep 5x23

- I'll be your mirror - ep 6x8

- Colors - ep 6x8

- In my dreams - ep 6x8

- I wish you were here - 6x10

- Some day my prince will come - 6x10

- Tougher than the rest - 6x11

- Mother’s little helper

- The Song in your heart

Emma is being cured by the love of Regina and Henry and music, so let's talk about what music means to the mind, and how music can help in healing. "When you dream of a song but can not remember the lyrics it is a sign that you have the chance to find happiness in your hands. This, however, will depend solely on you and your dedication to happiness. Fight against everything that goes against your success, but without going over anyone. Allow yourself to live happiness without guilt. "

"When you dream that you are singing a song, this indicates that you will soon feel very happy to the point of expressing this happiness so that everyone knows and can feel this moment with you. When you sing, you waste happiness without fear, so the dream is also a way of saying that you should be happy without fear."

"The dreams in which you see yourself listening to music are a sign that you will experience many relaxed and adventure-filled moments. Get ready to live a fun you've never seen before, coupled with unique experiences. Enjoy the opportunities that life will give you to live happiness, joy and relaxation, and do not be afraid to take a chance. "

Dreams are made up of symbols and are the language of the unconscious. They communicate to the dreamer everything that is necessary to seek the balance of the psyche as a whole, so the symbols speak as much about questions of the conscience as of the unconscious, that is, of the psychic totality. For this reason, exploring symbols is an essential part of understanding a dream.

WHAT DOES MUSIC SYMBOLIZE?

Music, although it is a mathematical construction, with bars, arrangements and rhythm, evoke the most diverse emotions and are capable of changing the mood of the listener, whether for better or for worse. Such a trait would not be different in a dream.

The kind of music one hears in a dream is fundamental to understanding what the unconscious is exposing to consciousness. A quiet, unsung melody is certainly a rather different symbol of heavy metal with a guttural vocal as well as the feelings each one evokes.

POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS

The type of music evidenced in the dream is crucial information when it is the most prominent aspect in the dream scenario as well as the context in which it arises. To make this assessment, it is important to look at the presence or absence of a letter and what it says.

The fast or slow rhythm may indicate the dreamer's own psychic or emotional rhythm. There is no rule, since the feelings evoked are absolutely personal and variable from person to person, but we can make some more general and uncompromising considerations.

Heavy metal can evoke anger, aggression, an active and charged discharge of energy. They can also be melodic and deep. Classical music may evoke greater mental organization, nostalgia, and joy. They can also be chaotic and dissonant.

Sung songs need to have their lyrics analyzed. Romantic letters, sensual letters, letters of protest, religious, disappointed, cheerful, childish ... Each of them should be contextualized in the experience of the dreamer.

Step one: reflect on the context of the dream.

What music does the dream present? Is it known or unknown? What emotions does it evoke? In what context does it appear? Is it information that stands out in the dream or is it just a backdrop to more important events? Is it information that stands out in the dream or is it just a backdrop to more important events?

Step two: reflect on what the unconscious may be signaling

What pace is setting your emotional life? What kind of melody do you emanate from yourself?

So we have eps in which Emma and Regina try to save each other and their son, eps with romantic songs, and songs that talk about jealousy and the possibility of love, what could that mean? Emma and Regina are in love, and this is the path they refuse to take, out of fear and other issues. So we have the curative element, in these eps Emma seems better, more like her, seems more alive, because Regina is helping her to heal.

Music therapy is the proof that sound is intimately connected to emotional states, since music evokes memories, experiences and experiences of the most diverse.

Often tired of current medical treatments, where it is often felt as a mere number on long waiting lists, which comes out, in most cases, with a prescription for these or other pills that cure only the symptoms of a deeper evil , man now turns his gaze back and seeks those therapies of the past, where man was fully man, where his illnesses were considered to have a malfunction of something within the body as a whole (which today we call it the holistic view of man). From this point of view, it is understood that often a disease, before manifesting itself physically, is formed in the invisible planes, to then descend into the material world and become, as an inflammation of the liver, a heart attack or stomach ulcer. This is where the so-called Alternative Medicines have their great field of work and where music therapy in particular also finds its special application, because it works with elements that Orthodox Medicine is often unaware of.

The whole Universe, to the Hindus, is based on sounds, and if we contemplate the world around us, we can perceive that everything corresponds to resonances, to certain wavelengths. Thus, too, the cells of the organism are sensitive to certain wavelengths, and therefore to certain sounds. Therefore, it is understood that, for example, ancient Chinese medicine would have a whole system of correspondences between musical scale notes and organs. The secret of healing was to maintain the balance between the two complementary forces of nature, the "Yin" and "Yang," and in the case of illness, to re-establish the loss of vital energy.

Healing, according to the Chinese mentality, consists mainly in eliminating the obstacles that impede the flow of energy, in re-establishing the balance of man. This can only be achieved through an integral formation of man that allows to achieve a balance between the Yin and Yang and an unimpeded flow of the energy that is in the human being. When this is actually achieved, there will be no such problems of physical and psychic infirmities, and man will be able to establish that inner harmony which enables him to express his true Self.

It's Regina who helps Emma to come back to herself, to be true, Emma's super power only works fully with her, we saw Regina being the one who put the piece of the mirror in the place in the world of mirrors, and we saw how much Regina has helped , worried and tried to save Emma. And they look exactly like yin and yang in all their narrative dynamics, and in the desire ep, "I wish you were here," they hold hands, and form the symbol yin and yang literally, showing that they are beginning to find balance.

ONLY YOU

Okay, I do love this ep, its all about how Emma and Regina can’t be together because they need protect Henry. The magic whats tearing they apart are religious and conservative thoughts, thats why we have a crystal what cames from a God. If they assume what they feel they are going to have to expose Henry to this, and to the judgment of the others, Regina was losing control of her feelings, which in fact are their feelings, the end of this ep that is double is in The untold story, which takes us to Regina taking away Evil, what different than everyone thinks is not the bad part of her, but the feelings that neither Emma nor Regina want to face, this thing with true love having to be reciprocal makes sense in the feelings to be of both. Later in the ep Stranger Case, we see that what the serum takes from people are the feelings they do not want to face, romantic feelings, Rumpel wanted to take away the feelings he had for Bella, but he saw that taking away the feelings did not solve anything because the only way to get rid of feelings is to die. And you know what Evil did when she was free? She spent half a season trying to expose Hook, even alerted Henry that Hook had the scissors and would to use it against Emma, Hook is the dark thing in Emma’s mind, what she holds for dont give in what she really wants. There is no way to be clearer than that. 

I’LL BE YOUR MIRROR

In addition to showing how Emma and Regina are literally the yin and yang of the narrative, because the mirror reflects its opposite, shows the battle of the mind, between what it wants and the balance. What the mind wants is beyond family, is to have a relationship too, Emma wants to have this relationship with Regina, in this ep Henry represents the mind having to decide, between his mothers, or the life of the Dragon, which represents the balance. Sometimes we want something so much, but it's not the time, and force it will make us lose our reason and the good things. In the end Henry tries to keep both balance and relationship, so Emma and Regina come back, but we see Hook threaten Evil, showing that Emma will still keep her feelings contained. She needs wait and put her son first. 

I WISH YOU WERE HERE

This is one of the best eps that ouat did in seasons. And it is very clear about the feelings of Regina and Emma. Regina is the person Emma wants to be there, is the person Emma wants to be in a relationship, and so she is the Emma’s prince, ​​who comes to awaken her mind, and make her come back to herself. At wishland, Emma was a poor version of herself, childish, submissive, who still needs the help of her parents for everything, even as an adult. She makes a wish in a parallel with Emma's first wish in Season 1 which is the gear that moves everything in the plot at the beginning, it's Emma's desire that brings Henry to her, and she wished she was not alone anymore, she wanted a family. And now we see the second part of that desire, it's not just Henry that she wants as a family, that includes Regina as well. And Regina wants to be with her too, so there are two wishes in that ep, which shows that their feelings are reciprocal.

THE SONG IN YOUR HEART

The song in your heart is a biblical reference, about God acting in the life of the person, about living fully and happily, but many people mistaken about what God wants for their lives, the Catholic religion is super conservative, and believes that man has to stay with the woman, and there is no love beyond that, besides believing that the woman should be submissive to the man. 

This ep shows exactly that Emma is stuck in these conventions, and she is not happy but she is trying to do what she was taught to be right. We see the song "Love doesn’t stand a chance," and its sing for Evil what is Emma's ID, her wishes, and her desires are not happy, its being forced to say what it does not want, and sing, and acting like it does not want to, that's the real situation of Emma, while the Charmings, who represent Emma's Superego, are trying to contain their desires, making it acts as they wish. The magic that reaches everyone and makes them sing comes from Blue, who is a nun, and represents the religious inflections.

Now Emma will take a break, but the music keep coming. We have Roni’s name what means song of joy, what is a biblical thing too, this means that Regina is the real song in Emma’s heart, and also Emma looks to think Reginas a gif of god to her. We have more songs, and I can bet, Emma will be back soon, and get what she really wants.

List of the new songs or things linked to music:

- Greenbacks;

- A pirate’s life;

- Wake up call;

- Pretty in blue(whats about a man who loves someone whos dead, a sleeping beauty whats pretty in blue);

- Lucy (what is a reference to Lucy from Beatles, and the song is a reference to Alice through the looking glass);

And, thats all. 

Links: 

http://www.nova-acropole.org.br/…/a-musica-e-seu-poder-cura…

http://www.personare.com.br/o-que-significa-sonhar-com-musi…

https://www.meusonhar.com.br/sonhar-com-musica/

[charminglatina]

The Secret Language Birthday Profile for My Mom (Jun. 25)

I’ve been very interested in The Secret Language Of Birthdays and Relationships concept lately. I’ve been doing them for the Riverdale cast and I’m also currently working on them for The Walking Dead cast. Since it’s so much fun to do these profiles, I’ve decided to do birthday profiles for both my parents as well as a relationship profile for them. My Dad’s (or Papa, as I call him) birthday is Nov. 8 and my Mom’s (or Mama, as I call her) birthday is Jun. 25.

My Mama’s sign is Cancer when it pertains to Western astrology. But when it comes to The Secret Language concept, she’s a Cancer I, known as The Week of the Empath (Jun. 25 to July 2).

What Is The Secret Language Concept?

The Secret Language scientific personality reports have proven to be over 90% accurate after 21 years in use by millions of people in a dozen languages worldwide. Our data comes from Gary Goldschneider’s 40-year empirical study of the life stories of more than 20,000 people, analyzed by date of birth. Gary looked at 50 people born on your birthday and found the personality traits held in common by 45 of them. Then he created personality profiles from those traits for each day, week, month, season and year and I further combined those profile names into the ultimate distillation of your personality - your Secret Language Name. Combining astrology, numerology, and pure psychic intuition, The Secret Language of Birthdays is a wholly unique compilation that reveals one’s strengths, weaknesses, and major issues while providing practical advice and spiritual guidance. Many have suspected that your birthday affects your personality and how you relate to others. Nineteen years and over one million copies later, The Secret Language of Birthdays continues to fascinate readers by describing the characteristics associated with being born on a particular day. The 366 personality profiles are based on astrology, numerology, the tarot, and Gary Goldschneider’s observations of more than 14,000 people. Your strengths, weaknesses, and major concerns will be illuminated while you are given practical advice and spiritual guidance. After you study your profile, it will be hard to resist examining those of family, friends, colleagues, and even celebrities.

The Personality Periods

The forty-eight personality periods, made up of twelve cusps and thirty six weeks, are units between six and nine days in length. Personology predicts the personality characteristics of anyone born within these dates. In other words, those born in the same period will share certain predictable character traits. While this may not completely represent ever individual, it is sufficient to provide an understanding of his or her basic energies. Extrapolating from the personology periods, it is possible to predict the nature of the relationship between any two people. Thus, The Secret Language Of Relationships combines each period of the year with itself and every other period to predict the nature of the resulting relationship. For example, a person born on March 31 falls into the Aries I period. This is the Week of the Child which symbolizes the freshness and openness of early childhood and of the spring season (lasting from March 25 to April 1). People born during this time are characterized by a childlike, enthusiastic orientation. This in contrast to a person born on November 10, who would be a Scorpio II (encompassing November 3 to 11). Born in the fall, which is symbolically likened to middle age, this week takes Depth as its central symbol. Thus, it becomes possible to consider the theoretical implications of an Aries I-Scorpio II relationship.

The Fourty-Eight Periods & Cusps

1. Pisces-Aries Cusp (Mar 19-Mar 24) – The Cusp Of Rebirth

2. Aries I (Mar 25-Apr 02) – The Week Of The Child

3. Aries II (Apr 03-Apr 10) – The Week Of The Star

4. Aries III (Apr 11-Apr 18) – The Week Of The Pioneer

5. Aries-Taurus Cusp (Apr 19-Apr 24) – The Cusp Of Power

6. Taurus I (Apr 25-May 02) – The Week Of Manifestation

7. Taurus II (May 03-May 10) – The Week Of The Teacher

8. Taurus III (May 11-May 18) – The Week Of The Natural

9. Taurus-Gemini Cusp (May 19-May 24) – The Cusp Of Energy

10. Gemini I (May 25-Jun 01) – The Week Of Freedom

11. Gemini II (Jun 02-Jun 10) – The Week Of New Language

12. Gemini III (Jun 11-Jun 18) – The Week Of The Seeker

13. Gemini-Cancer Cusp (Jun 19-Jun 24) – The Cusp Of Magic

14. Cancer I (Jun 25-Jul 02) – The Week Of The Empath

15. Cancer II (Jul 03-Jul 10) – The Week Of The Unconventional

16. Cancer III (Jul 11-Jul 18) – The Week Of The Persuader

17. Cancer-Leo Cusp (Jul 19-Jul 25) – The Cusp Of Oscillation

18. Leo I (Jul 26-Aug 02) – The Week Of Authority

19. Leo II (Aug 03-Aug 10) – The Week Of Balanced Strength

20. Leo III (Aug 11-Aug 18) – The Week Of Leadership

21. Leo-Virgo Cusp (Aug 19-Aug 25)  – The Cusp Of Exposure

22. Virgo I (Aug 26-Sept 02) – The Week Of System Builders

23. Virgo II (Sept 03-Sept 10) – The Week Of The Enigma

24. Virgo III (Sept 11-Sept 18) – The Week Of The Literalist

25. Virgo-Libra Cusp (Sept 19-Sept 24) – The Cusp Of Beauty

26. Libra I (Sept 25-Oct 01) – The Week Of The Perfectionist

27. Libra II (Oct 02-Oct 10) – The Week Of Society

28. Libra III (Oct 11-Oct 18) – The Week Of Theater

29. Libra-Scorpio Cusp (Oct 19-Oct 25) – The Cusp Of Drama & Criticism

30. Scorpio I (Oct 26-Nov 02) – The Week Of Intensity

31. Scorpio II (Nov 03–Nov 11) – The Week Of Depth

32. Scorpio III (Nov 12–Nov 18) – The Week Of Charm

33. Scorpio-Sagittarius Cusp (Nov 19–Nov 24) – The Cusp Of Revolution

34. Sagittarius I (Nov 25–Dec 02) – The Week Of Independence

35. Sagittarius II (Dec 03–-Dec 10) – The Week Of The Originator

36. Sagittarius III (Dec 11-Dec 18) – The Week Of The Titan

37. Sagittarius-Capricorn Cusp (Dec 19-Dec 25) – The Cusp Of Prophecy

38. Capricorn I (Dec 26-Jan 02) – The Week Of The Ruler

39. Capricorn II (Jan 03- Jan 09) – The Week Of Determination

40. Capricorn III (Jan 10-Jan 16) – The Week Of Dominance

41. Capricorn-Aquarius Cusp (Jan 17-Jan 22) – The Cusp Of Mystery & Imagination

42. Aquarius I (Jan 23-Jan 30) – The Week Of Genius

43. Aquarius II (Jan 31-Feb 07) – The Week Of Youth & Ease

44. Aquarius III (Feb 08-Feb 15) – The Week Of Acceptance

45. Aquarius-Pisces Cusp (Feb 16-Feb 22) – The Cusp Of Sensitivity

46. Pisces I (Feb 23-Mar 02) – The Week Of Spirit

47. Pisces II (Mar 03-Mar 10) – The Week Of The Loner

48. Pisces III  (Mar 11-Mar 18) – The Week Of Dancers & Dreamers

Cancer I’s are hard to figure out. Emotionally complex, they combine sharply contrasting qualities in their psychological makeup. They may give an entirely different impression one moment than in another, according to their mood. A Cancer I may strike one person as outgoing, another as retiring, one as positive and expansive, another as negative and depressive, still others as easygoing, others as difficult. Only those who live with Cancer I’s day in and day out are fully able to appreciate their depth and diversity. Part of the reason for the variety of their emotional palette is their sensitivity. Empathic, Cancer I’s quickly pick up on the feelings of others—so much so that they may mistake such feelings for their own. They may find themselves replaying other people’s scripts and hence playing a role in life’s daily drama that is not really theirs. Developing their self-awareness, gaining an accurate view of their personal interactions and getting a grip on their emotions will be essential to them. Because they are so at the mercy of the feelings of others as children, Cancer I’s generally cry out for protection. Even when protection is granted, they may spend a lifetime seeking out people to mother and nurture them. But if they are instead exposed to tough and unsympathetic treatment by their families and, later, by the world, they are capable of surrounding themselves with a virtually impenetrable shell. Love can enable Cancer I’s to feel again, melting their outer defenses and allowing them to express their true emotions. A great deal of pent-up resentment and frustration may have to be voiced, however, before their hurt is eased and they are able to trust again. One should not get the idea, however, that Cancer I’s are wishy-washy characters out of touch with worldly realities. In fact, they are very clever in getting their way. They generally give money a high priority, and are often financially astute. Their investment sense can be excellent, and they frequently make stocks and other holdings pay off. Also in the realm of technical skills, they show a good grasp of whatever material they make their own, and a good ability to implement their plans. Aggression can play an ambiguous role in Cancer I’s lives: they are naturally aggressive, and can have difficulty sublimating this instinct into positive expression, particularly in the sexual, verbal or athletic sphere. Too often they swing from angry outbursts to repression, which often leads them into melancholia, in extreme cases, their anger can be self-destructive. Finding a métier that allows them easy expression of their aggression is an important life task for them, and one that they often overlook. These folks are capable of withdrawing from the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a Cancer I faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his or her head above water, into being one who can swim confidently in the swift currents of life. The most successful Cancer I’s are those who can put their fantasy to work in a constructive way, and who can share their unique view of the world with others. First, of course, they must conquer their inner fears and liberate themselves from self-imposed, or parentally-imposed, behavioral stereotypes. Next they may have to overcome inflexibility and real or imagined handicaps. Through sheer guts and determination, they are often capable of overcoming these and other obstacles, and of putting their acute psychological perceptions to work in the service of those around them. Professionally they often do well when self-employed, operating from a home base that may be connected to their living space. Should they choose to have children, the caring and nurturing aspects of their personalities augur well for their abilities as parents. For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand by and watch as Cancer I’s bottle up their feelings or enter into their self-imposed isolation. While it may look like self-torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with Cancer I’s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait patiently until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligatory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals. On the other hand, those born during the Week of the Empath have a great deal to offer in a relationship: empathy, sympathy, technical proficiency, financial astuteness and a good managerial sense. Because of their need to spend time at home, they can be counted on to keep things in good working order and to provide comfort and security. Cancer I’s can be extremely persuasive, at times too much so. Their need to persuade can outstrip the advisability of their counsel, leaving them saddled with the guilt of having sent someone off in a wrong direction. Cancer I’s pride themselves on doing their homework on given subjects, and when their research is thorough it will yield positive results. Good friends know, however, that emotional strain can cloud their thoughts, easily throwing them off track, so that they may offer confused judgments and advice with the same air of conviction and authority as cogent ones.

 June 25 people have a rare capacity for realizing their dreams. Reasons for their success include a knowledge of the environment surrounding them and the times in which they live, as well as a sensitivity to what works and what doesn’t. Thus they are not only tuned in to people and events but also may be able to capitalize on the opportunities presented by them. Financial success can be theirs if they can put their empathic powers to work, but they may suffer financial reversals or even poverty before they realize this potential. Either consciously or unconsciously June 25 people are asking others to have faith in them, because what they produce or say is often highly visionary. This acceptance on the part of their audience is essential to the self-confidence of those born on this day as well as their ability to work and create. This includes the basic support of family, which anchors and stabilizes their career. Without this trust and faith, the energies of June 25 people often burn out or run down, ending in collapse. In certain cases they may also find themselves exhausted by sensuous and hedonistic drives. June 25 people must take care to screen the emotional input of others, as those born on this day draw powerfully positive and negative influences. Such influences can so deeply take hold in a June 25 person that they mistakenly believe them to be originating inside themselves, rather than coming from external sources. Cultivating objectivity and discernment is thus essential to their psychological well-being. Generally, the nurturing side of June 25 people is highly developed and applies not only to their family, friends and colleagues, but also to their homes, possessions and money, which they like to keep in a process of growth and development. Thus most June 25 people are adept at both earning money and investing it wisely. They understand that in many areas of life, the small acts of caring and concern one invests in the present can bring great future returns. June 25 people can be very emotional in relationships, though their love and sex feelings are generally kept private and under strict control. What they do show a propensity to release in public are sharp criticisms and occasional outbursts of anger and negativity, perhaps even rough language. Already known for their highly changeable moods, June 25 people must beware of turning dictatorial, imposing their views or alienating others; such behavior will drive away those whose trust they truly need. People born on June 25 tend to be highly creative and sensitive. They react strongly to external influences, using their powerful intuition to draw clear-sighted conclusions or solutions. Others, however, don’t just value them for their problem-solving abilities, but also for their fine minds and stunning originality of thought. The sensitivity of these people makes them valuable team players because they sense what others need and enjoy helping them. Their heart definitely rules their head, and most of their actions are closely allied to their feelings and emotions; this can make them appear vacillating or contradictory. It is important for them to reconcile their emotional and mental responses because, if they do, they have the originality and ability to be effective instruments of progress. However, when their minds and hearts are unbalanced, it can result in insecurity, confusion, hypersensitivity, or inconsistent motivations. This sensitivity will become less of a problem after the age of twenty-seven, when they become bolder and more self-assured in all areas of their lives. During this period, opportunities to develop greater self-awareness will arise and, if they can build their self-esteem and rely less on the approval of others, these are the years when they are capable of making outstanding contributions to the world. After the age of fifty-seven they are likely to apply greater patience and precision to their life skills, taking a more practical approach to life and fine-tuning their skills and creativity. To achieve success, it is crucial for them to find a subject or cause that really captures their imagination, one that will keep them focused and perhaps help them develop as a specialist. If they fail to keep themselves mentally challenged, they run the risk of scattering their energies and suffering from frustration. However, if they learn to develop patience and discipline, they will soon see that along with their inspired creativity and powerful intuition, they also possess depth of thought and a mind capable of producing not just great, but truly inspirational work. People born on June 25 usually have many admirers and friends but there is a tendency for them to please others before they please themselves. This is a disastrous strategy because it will lead to unhappiness and frustration, it is important to aim for greater equality in all their relationships. It is vital for the physical and emotional well-being of people born on this day that they pour less of themselves into the lives of others. Highly sensitive to the moods of others, they need to protect themselves by imagining some kind of protective bubble around them that screens them from negative emotions. They also need to distance themselves more by cultivating greater objectivity. If they are unable to do this, they may suffer from mood swings, stress, anxiety and, in extreme cases, depression. Regular periods of quiet and solitude will help them regain a sense of self, as will surrounding themselves with people who are not in any way needy or negative. In general they should eat a nutritious and mood-boosting diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, oily fish, nuts, and seeds. Moderate to mild exercise, such as walking or swimming, is recommended on a daily basis. Wearing, meditating on and surrounding themselves with the color blue will encourage them to be cooler and more objective toward others. The sensitivity that these people possess, as well as their natural affinity for art, suggests great success as designers and commercial artists. A need to express their individuality may also draw them to journalism, architecture, art, and music. They may find themselves drawn to professions within the medical field including nursing, doctoring, dentistry, or medical science. In their choice of career they need to guard against boredom, as it is important for them to have a career where there is plenty of variety and opportunities to learn. The life path of people born on this day is to develop their capacity for objectivity and setting priorities. Once they have learned to be realistic about what really matters to them, their destiny is to act as a sensitive and compassionate force for good. People born specifically on the 25th of June are believed to be charming, attractive and very affectionate with the typical crab protective and sympathetic temperament. The ruling astrological planet for this particular day is Neptune favoring you with a sensitive, dreamy but responsive and caring side. If you have this birthday your rather humanitarian, nurturing, compassionate nature likes to help solve the problems of others. You are naturally inquisitive and insightful with analytical thought giving you a love of mysterious things and natural detective skills. Strong emotions and a heightened receptiveness to your surroundings allow you to easily capitalize on any presented opportunities. Individuals with a June the twenty fifth birthday may seem a little unfocused but are actually quite centered and bolder than they first appear. With an artistic stylish flair and fine eye for detail and design you are likely to see home as a place to express yourself. Job choice is considered a fairly important life decision to a person born on the twenty fifth of June. You may not discover it easy to find work that feels worthwhile enough despite your abundance of versatile abilities and open-minded ways of thinking. Numerous different career paths could have to be traveled before you enter in to a suitable profession that you enjoy working in. Earning a reasonable income is a priority but you generally tend to not place great importance on money. This financial disinterest and proneness to be too generous can sometimes cause you to be a bit careless or frivolous with cash. For a Cancer, the person born on the twenty fifth day of June is typically friendly and personable although also a tad shy when it comes to matters of romance. In spite of this hesitant reserved streak you can be surprisingly flirtatious with someone you really fancy. All personal relationships you have are usually made more successful due to your innate and genuine care and understanding with a soul mate. You will ordinarily greatly value togetherness and are willing to compromise if issues creep into a love relationship. If a partner is able to cope with your moody emotional ups and downs and a slight touch of secretiveness then they will be rewarded with your exceedingly loving loyalty and devotion. Sexually you are free-spirited and require a partner with an equal sex drive and the same appreciation of spontaneity and variety in the bedroom. Healthiness experienced by those born on June 25th can be variable as a consequence of the current state of your mental attitude. The more optimistic you are feeling about life the more symptom free and healthier you are likely to be in theory. One method of staying in control of your optimism is to learn to keep a sensible objective distance between your own basic needs and the requirements of others. Your susceptibility to take onboard the worries of others can be detrimental to your well being. You could have to be a little selfish with your kindness in order to preserve health with energy and positivism. Your main strengths of character are most noticeable in your empathic perceptive responsiveness and intense need to nurture. These prominent favorable traits and your originality, charm and versatility let you get along famously with the majority. Recognizable personality weaknesses for those born on June 25th are mainly focused on your possible fluctuation in mood. When this negative aspect of your disposition kicks in it can materialize as temperamental behaviors of over sensitivity, impatience or sulkiness. Fortunately these negativities are normally infrequent and short-lived in their appearance. Being born on the 25th of June lavishes you with plenty of creative and practical talents and these specific attributes help you focus both expression and achievement. Your powerful urge to assist others is highly satisfying so it often features in a large amount of personal goal plans. Your ambitions are usually greater in accomplishing personally meaningful aims as opposed to gaining professional qualifications. Dreams you could have are inclined to be visions of acquiring the things that you believe will make you the happiest. Examples are idyllic environments and a world without disharmony. As you were born on the twenty fifth day of the month the two and five in your birth date total a Root number of Seven. This numerical reference to your birthday has the keyword 'Mystery' and pinpoints your curiosity and passion for the unusual. In the Major Arcana the 7th mystic Tarot card picturing the Chariot is linked to your birthday. This represents productiveness and identifies the efficiency of your combined energies and thought processes. The gemstone regarded luckiest for June the twenty fifth birthdays is Jade, to be carried for the promise of potential increased awareness, wealth and contentment. The likelihoods of all zodiacal Cancer personalities are imagined to be astrologically decided by the influence of our Moon's power. The actual day you were born on, the twenty fifth of June is cosmically ruled over by the influences of Neptune's presence. Therefore these are the 2 primary influential planets thought partly accountable for your probable characteristics. Your admirable qualities of warmth, sympathy and helpfulness seems to dominate all you do and make you fabulous to know. You well balanced mix of boldness, kindness and sharp insight direct you to be an excellent companion and capable parent. If you can conquer your tendencies to be once in a while oversensitive, impatient or sulky it should present you as almost perfect. An ending ponderable thought for people born on June the 25th is to attempt to retain a level of objectivity within your emotions and remember that everyone else may not feel as deeply as you.

[galaxy-of-hair]

I was wondering if you could explain being a christian witch, the whole mixing of those ideologies is kind of weird to me and I don't understand.

i guess first i’d like to apologize that i took so long to answer your question; at first i didnt see it cause my mom was in town and i was off tumblr, and then when i finally did i wanted to take my time meditating on how to answer it. 

second i’d like to clarify that anything i say on this subject is only applicable to me and my practice and my beliefs, and my intention is not to speak for or over anyone. one of the wonderful things about being a witch, Christian or otherwise, is that it is a very personal, personalized path, and everyone has their own unique journey and set of beliefs and i would never presume to speak about anyone else’s deal. that is not and will never be my place. when i look to find my way in my practice and study, i can (and do) absolutely learn from other humans, but ultimately i am led by the Word and the Holy Spirit when it comes to choosing what i will or won’t integrate into my practice. God is my ultimate authority, not people (no offense to people lmao)

third, i’d like to say that i am severely ADHD and currently not on medication, so if i don’t explain things well or jump around from topic to topic or meander in a way that makes this difficult to follow i apologize in advance, i’m doing my best lol

fourth i’d like to say thank you for your question, you were very respectful in your wording and i appreciate that, i’m always open to questions, even though i may not be the best at answering them, and if you have any follow up questions after reading this novel i’m about to write, feel free to message me or send me another ask or comment or whatever

my answer is under the cut cause it’s heckin long

((tl;dr - i’m not mixing ideologies and there’s a lot of other blogs that can answer your question better and probs more precisely sorry lol)) 

this hard for me because if i give any kind of detailed answer, i will by necessity have to discuss at length my Christianity, and that’s a very personal thing that i’m still trying to be more open about. when i say, “my Christianity” i mean that the way i practice Christianity (my belief system and my relationship w God) differs greatly from what people generally assume to know or understand about Christianity. what i mean to say is: when you say, “i’m Christian” people immediately assume all kinds of things about what you believe, based on their own personal experience with practitioners of the religion, and as there are numerous denominations, those assumptions can vary greatly and are almost always wrong. the reason i have a hard time being open about it is that i have been trying to talk with people about it my whole life, both with believers and non-believers and it’s almost always been a negative experience, so it can be hard for me to open up with regards to that.

so i guess the short answer is that witchcraft isn’t really an ideology. neither is it a religion. it’s a practice. it’s a way in which i exercise my God-given power. and that’s really the key for me, because even if i might do something like say, make a protection sachet, smoke cleanse my home, perform a binding spell, etc (which are the types of things that a secular witch might do or a wiccan or a pagan), when i perform them, i draw my power from God and the Word and the knowledge of the promises he made to me in the Covenant.

a lot of my beliefs are geared towards using Faith based power to alter things in both the spiritual and the physical. i’ve found in some of my most frustrating conversations about this topic that most people don’t have the same vocabulary definition of Faith as i do, so here’s some stuff about that to clarify what i mean.

here’s what Merriam-Webster says about faith:

Definition of faith 

1a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty lost faith in the company's presidentb (1) :  fidelity to one's promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions acted in good faith

2a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religionb (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof clinging to the faith that her missing son would one day return (2) :  complete trust

3:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially :  a system of religious beliefs the Protestant faith

and i think that’s people generally think about when they hear people use the word “Faith.” they think of it as just a synonym for religion or belief in God, or as a blind belief in something for which there is no proof, i.e. “blind faith” or “just hanging on till Jesus comes” or clinging desperately to something unrealistic in a delusional manner. obviously some of these are more derogatory than others, but i’ve spoken to all sorts on this subject and come across all of these misunderstandings of the word “Faith” at one point or another. the cool thing about the Bible is that it will often offer its own definitions to the words used within. 

one of my favorite verses on the subject of what Faith is, is Hebrews 11:1. when this verse comes to mind i often think of the NKJV translation, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”[x] 

here is the same verse in The Amplified:

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].

so there’s a lot to unpack here. firstly, Faith is substantive. it isn’t the superficial placation of a worried mind or shallow platitudes void of meaning used to make oneself appear enlightened and righteous in the eyes of their earthly peers. it’s not shouting ineffectually into the void. it’s practical and effective. it’s power to change reality, not only in the spiritual but in the physical.

the stuff about “title deed, confirmation” and “divinely guaranteed” is in reference to the things promised to us by God in the Abrahamic Covenant, of which Jesus’s blood sacrifice was a fulfillment. i am included in this Covenant by virtue of the Blood of Jesus, even though i am not Jewish, i am included because i accept His sacrifice as a placeholder for me and have entered into Covenant with Him.

so Faith is the confirmation of things divinely guaranteed by the Covenant, the comprehension as fact things that cannot be experienced by the physical senses. Faith isn’t belief without evidence, it is the evidence. my belief of a thing (as long as it is in line with the Word and the Covenant) is enough to bring it into being. this is really cool when you start learning stuff about quantum physics (like i have the most basic of understandings on that subject, but the little i know about it is very exciting, the idea that science is finally starting to confirm what i’ve known to be true all along, check out the documentary, What the Bleep Do We Know) and how simply observing a thing can change the entire behavior or nature of the thing. so like, something promised to me by God in the Covenant both is realized and isn’t realized depending on whether or nor i observe it. once i observe it by having the knowledge of it, the understanding of it, and finally the belief in it, it comes to pass, or manifests into existence. there’s also scientific evidence that you can speak Life or Death into a thing. anyways i’m digressing.

my point is, if i were in a doctor’s office and i told them i believe i have the power to change my physical reality through words and belief, they might jot down that i have “Magical Thinking” and like, i guess being a witch i wouldn’t argue with them. it is essentially magic. when i had the rare pleasure of having a pleasant conversation with someone about my beliefs, it was almost always with a non-believer, and the best way i could think of to get them to understand is, “it looks a lot like witchcraft.” when i finally decided to start calling myself a Christian witch i was basically making the decision to stop fighting the direction that the Holy Spirit was obviously counseling me towards. i always felt lead to do things like smoke cleansing and other “magical” practices, but i was afraid that i’d be doing something wrong or unnecessary. here’s the thing: God has not given us a spirit of fear so i try to be critical of any decision made based in fear. since i started down this path in earnest i have experienced great joy and fulfillment, and better results in areas where i had previously struggled (more on this bit later). 

my attitude when talking to God is one of familiarity and assertiveness. He’s my Dad and my friend and my teacher, and we have a Blood Covenant. i talk to Him casually, and when i need to claim one of the benefits of my Covenant, i.e. healing/health, protection, a sound mind, i call it done and thank him for the result that i believe will manifest. when i go to exercise my Dominion over the physical, i.e. a bee in my space, the toilet threatening to overflow, a symptom of sickness, a person threatening me, i speak to it with the authority of someone who knows they have a Covenant with God and God-given Dominion over this world, and i use Jesus’s name. when He tells me to do something, i try to be obedient.

the reason i’ve been getting better results since i started using physical tools more often isn’t necessarily because i believe that there is inherent power in the use of them. sometimes i’ve done things in the physical because i felt lead to by the Holy Spirit, and i endeavor to be obedient even if i don’t understand the reason. there is power in obedience. 

sometimes i’ve done things in the physical because not everything set in motion in the spiritual world by Faith has instantaneous results (some things do, somethings don’t), some things take time. i struggle with memory problems and sometimes i’ll honestly forget that i already dealt with such and such issue and i’ll pray over the situation again and again, having no recollection of having done it and i feel as though this hurts my efficacy. it makes me feel disorganized in my practice. if i do a working or a ritual in the physical (like a binding or a protection sachet) to deal with the issue, i will be more likely to remember that it is done and dealt with, and every time i remember it going forward, instead of feeling the need to pray again, i will instead reaffirm my original working, strengthening it instead of weakening it.

sometimes i do things in the physical because we know about health benefits available from certain herbs, foods, oils, and even crystals. some people will say things like, “that’s relying on something other than God for healing” and they say the same thing about knowledge gleaned from the stars and planets, but like, HELLO, God made all that stuff. i don’t worship His creation, but i do celebrate it, and i am thankful for it, and i believe there is power to be found in it. some of that power we know about (i.e. medicinal herbs, essential oils) and some we either don’t know about or can’t conclusively prove with science yet.

that leads me to the other reason i do things in the physical to mirror my workings in the spiritual. there are certain practices and traditions that have been used for centuries in magic that don’t have any known, scientifically proven reason for being effective. but people keep using them, and they keep being effective. i know part of that is that belief is a powerful thing. we are beings made in God’s image. we are powerful creators, and if people believe a thing with enough conviction, it can come to pass. however, it could be that there are some very real effects that a physical substance could have in the spiritual realm. anything that alters the mind for instance (like mugwort being helpful in astral projection). my own personal example is this: i use commanding oil made from a base of licorice root and calamus root and mineral oil. i do this because it seems to be the agreed upon recipe for commanding oil and has a long tradition. i use it when assigning tasks to Angels. do i absolutely HAVE to do this? no probably not, but it helps me with making my marching orders official, like giving an assignment to troops with an official signature or seal.

basically it all comes down to this: Faith is like a muscle. you have to work on strengthening it. at least i do. so if these things help me out in the areas i have trouble with so i can “lift more weight,” i’m gonna utilize them. especially if i feel led to by the Holy Spirit. anytime i feel that i vibe with a witchcraft working, and want to add it to my practice, i look at it critically, i think about what the Word says, i ask the Holy Spirit, i think about why it might be helpful, and if it passes all my scrutiny, i go for it. if you still have trouble reconciling the ideas of Christianity and witchcraft coexisting, i’d recommend popping on over to the #christian witch tag, as there are a lot of good posts on that by people that are way more qualified than i am. 

i’m able to be a Christian witch the same way i’m able to be a Christian transgender pansexual man. not everything espoused by mainstream Christianity has a basis in the Word. it’s sad but a lot of the time people choose to parrot their pastors or follow tradition and modern, localized cultural norms instead of looking to see what the Bible actually says.

i hope i answered this question ok, and didn’t go off topic too much. if you (or anyone else reading this) have any questions i haven’t addressed, or maybe have new questions that arose from reading this post, feel free to ask. thanks again for your question and your respectful tone.