#because i also selfishly want a happy ending for her and i know that one isnt it

[isaacathom]

i have so many thoughts about my campaign but absolutely nothing coherent. just snatches of ideas. the most clear thing i have in my head is that, if the acting-commodore steps down once he has liberty, and in the ensuing election and hullabaloo, naielle becomes commodore, there is absolutely no way she comes back from the jade sea

naielle understands how she gets when shes stressed, when theres crisis. theres a point along this bell curve of emotion, pursuant to context, where she stops thinking about herself and only those around her. and once that threshold is passed, she'll do damn near anything for them.

as commodore, her station would necessitate being that much more aware of the crisis. that much more aware of the state of play. that much more aware of the myriad lives that she holds in her hands.

she would cross that threshold far sooner.

she knows this about herself, and it applies outside of formal responsibility. she knows this, and does not know how to change it, and so instead she removes options from herself. like changing the phone's password just before wisdom teeth removal to prevent from saying something nonsensical online, she has to put the weapon away before she becomes of a mind to use it.

she's failed at that before. she told herself the weapon she had would be safe in her hands, that she'd use it only for 'good', and not ill. and in short order she had used it to enthrall, to even temporarily rob a man of free will.

she has such a weapon now. two, even, if you like.

the first, and least likely to kill her outright, is a caged king of dragons, whose essence is hostile to mortality but whose personality is not, who sees the crew as a means to liberate himself, his breathren, and their domain. she uses his power sparingly for its risk, but she's come close before, and been lucky not to be overwhelmed. there is far more power she could gain from him, but it would tear at her from the inside, like a hollowing parasite. she's seen a dragon's power wrought on a mortal, and seen that he marks a man decades older than he ought be. She may be an elf, but even decades would see her predecease a great many people, and that assumes it does not do her worse. She doesn't know.

the second is the offer, if it can be called that, of her patron. reach for the stars, young elf, and find the divine. channel his power in the storm to banish the dark, and in so doing lose yourself. merge with the celestial. its death, she thinks when out of crisis. sure, theres a lingering of the soul, bound in the eternal starlight of the astral sea. but the form is gone, and much of the person. to merge with him would change her, and she would never see her loved ones again.

but his power could save them all.

a naielle who is mere captain, whose responsibilites are smaller, who is delegated specific tasks, has the capacity to decide to be selfish. she has the capacity, and the excuse perhaps, to decide that she refuses godhood. she can risk success for her own soul, if she likes. she may yet do so.

a naielle who is commodore, and for whom's patron remains in earshot, will take that weapon and point it at their ultimate foe, and consider one life worth thousands.

[theoldsports]

SOLUTION.

Art Donaldson x Reader | 5k words

SORRY SERIES LINK.

warnings: pregnancy, implied discussion of abortion, a boy groveling on his knees for his family, there’s a dog (a real one, not just Art), talk about Art’s forced weird athletic borderline disordered eating.

okay, i lied last time. THIS is my best work. this is very out of my brain and i hope you love it. holy shit.

Have you ever sat and listened to a leaky faucet? I mean, really listened?

Steady. Like a heartbeat, if you think about it.

Sometimes, though, if the leak is slow enough, it’s more like the kind of heart rate that sends the nurse with the crash-cart sweeping into the room to shock you out of an AFIB pattern. Or however that worked.

[Y/N] was listening to it. The dripping. The kitchen sink. It hadn’t stopped for days. When it began, it was steady. Now, it was irregular. It started the day Art left

Art had been away at an early season tournament. [Y/N] had an impossible work week, so Art had told her he was happy to go for the better part of the week on his own. They both knew Art really did hate to be alone in situations like that. He had always had one of his people there. His mom, Patrick, [Y/N]; one of them was in his corner at these things. This time, he was truly on his own. Art could not stand to travel alone. He had his team of physios and coaches, but not his family. [Y/N] was going to swing by and surprise him at the end, but her boss had leaned into her for trying to take more days off during release season for the big summer blockbusters. Plus, someone did have to watch the dog.

This context about Art’s being away is important. It’s not that Art was the epitome of a handyman, but he really liked to feel like he was contributing to their home’s ecosystem when a lightbulb went out or a switch needed replacing. The man was incredible with the small things. Yet, [Y/N] sat at the kitchen table with a frown on her face, trying to rough in an outline for an article. With the faucet dripping. If Art were there, or if she was with Art three states over, the faucet wouldn’t be dripping against the porcelain basin.

It wasn’t like the wifi signal was strong enough anywhere else on the property for her to up and move either.

drip drip drip. Said the faucet.

[Y/N] was damn near the point where she was going to run upstairs to the bedroom and get the baseball bat Art kept with the express purpose of running down the stairs in his briefs and cracking up on possible intruders. All she could think about was bringing the wood down against the glass and cheap metal on her kitchen counter.

A new house would have a working sink and a bathroom counter that wasn’t too small and a halfway decent wifi signal.

Instead, [Y/N] set her face down upon the cool blue faux granite countertop. The temperature helped ease the feeling of the hyperbolic corkscrew being driven between her eyes. The dripping kept dripping and [Y/N] wanted to cry.

This agony wasn’t all the sink’s fault, though.

[Y/N] saw on the tennis channel before she even got a call from Art that he’d won that weekend. He still hadn’t called. The lack of a call from made her feel ashamed. Not a soul there to celebrate the success with him. She felt an immense sense of guilt slide across her skin because she wasn’t there to witness that smile he got when he won. Sweaty and angry, but relieved every time. He still got that look when he won. Art was a machine on the court, and a competitor not worth counting out at this point in his career. He still looked surprised and delighted every time he, of all people, hit the winner. [Y/N] loved that look. Art loved how she would celebrate with him after a win, too.

[Y/N] prayed Art made his flight without delay that evening. Selfishly, because she wanted her boy back. Also because Art was mortally terrified of airplanes. Planes made him feel out of control due to lack of trust with the pilot. Without that phone call from him, [Y/N] was scared knowing he was out on his own and that he likely felt anxious enough to give a horse a heart attack. She would have no way of knowing if something had happened between the match end and now.

She did know that the sink was leaking.

She also knew her period was two weeks late.

That, Art couldn’t fix on his own. In fact, it was fairly obvious that the delay was more or less Art’s fault.

[Y/N] hadn’t yet taken a pregnancy test at that time. If she took the time to take one, it would make everything the obvious answer a reality she would have to deal with. She had scares before. Ones that she had never, and would never, tell Art about. She would wait for her delayed—not missed!—period and everything would be fine. Like the other times. It had to be fine.

She checked her phone. It was a blue slidephone with small rhinestone stickers she had applied to the back. Still nothing from Art. He said he would call first right after the match, but he still hadn’t actually called, so maybe it was time to call first. It had been hours since he said he’d ring up. It wasn’t a major concern that Art would blow her off. Ideas of danger and uncertainties flooded her head.

“I’m the one that wants marriage so bad. Not Artie. What if he says no? Or not now…?”

[Y/N] sat on the beach with her back against Patrick’s shins. Art and [Y/N] were completing their first year completely post college. [Y/N] and Patrick were twenty-four and Art was almost twenty-four. His November birthday set him behind.

Patrick’s hands were on her shoulders and his body in a beach chair behind her while they both stared off over ocean as the sun set. “You’re actually stupid if you think he’ll deny you, [Y/N].”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to step on his game, or whatever. The guy is supposed to ask. Isn’t this going to be… emasculating or something?”

“Emasculating for Art? For pretty baby? Yeah, okay,” Patrick teased. [Y/N] threw a fistful of sand at him. “Christ, okay, okay. Cool it.” He spit.

Art had run back up toward to hotel to grab his water bottle, while Patrick and [Y/N] stayed at the dunes. [Y/N] wanted to propose to Art by trip’s end. She thought it would be sweet. Art was extremely forward when it came to her her, but he hadn’t been forward about the whole proposal business. He seemed scared about marriage. [Y/N]he would do it herself.

She was grateful for the time alone with her best friend too. Sitting and doing nothing, or partying. Either was more than welcome. “He’s not going to say no,” Patrick continued. His mouth casually leaned close to her ear. “Because it’s insane how whipped you’ve got him.”

“Don’t say that—“

“He wants to have your babies. Ask him. Trust me, he’ll say yes and he will be all the hell over you.” His fingers worked into [Y/N]’s shoulders, feeling the tension there. He took his hands off of her when Art came running down the beach.

[Y/N] heard a click in the lock. Her head flopped to the left, still pressed against the counter, to glance at the door. Her heart rate increased. She was so tired and the speed of the situation so fast, that she didn’t both moving or attempting to defend herself.

Most fortunately, when the door swung open, it was her Art. The sun was going down behind him. He looked a bit ragged and had a racket bag over one shoulder and two duffels in the other hand. She sat upright sharply on the kitchen barstool. “Pretty baby!”

All Art’s gear hit the floor. The door was left open behind him (taking a big chance that their Labrador mix, Cheese, didn’t run down the stairs and bolt out and away). Art walked toward [Y/N], arms extending. His strong arms pulled [Y/N] in close to his chest. She rested her head against his soft gray t-shirt. Her own arms embraced him back and one of her hands tucked comfortably into the back pocket of his jeans. “[Y/N]… I missed you.” Art said into her hair.

“I missed you… I-I… You didn’t call. How did you get here—“

“Final match actually started on time, so I gambled on moving my flight to the earlier one. I didn’t have time to call if I was taking the early one. I should’ve texted. I got nervous with the-the flight. I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

[Y/N] leaned back to look at him. There was no more welcome sight in the world than Art Donaldson. Irish genetics saw to it that Art was freckled from the spring sun. With shaggy hair boyishly covered by a baseball cap tipping back dangerously, he practically glowed. Even though he looked like shit. His sunglasses were hanging on his shirt. [Y/N/] tilted her head up, signaling for a kiss. Hungrily, Art leaned forward to take as many kisses as he wanted. His lips tasted like spearmint gum. Like always.

Cheese did run downstairs when Art’s hand climbed up the side of [Y/N]’s throat and when her own hand started to squeeze from under the fabric of Art’s back left pants pocket. Art had to pull regretfully away to grab Cheese by the collar and shut the front door.

Delightedly, Art did gteet Cheese with ear-scratches and a belly rub. Art received the customary licks and a tailwags in return. Cheese was always pretty down when the whole family wasn’t together. He walked and played a bit, but when his dad wasn’t around, Cheese kind of deflated. He had spent most of the time laying flat on Art’s side of the bed. It was obvious the dog was grieving the disappearance of his boy.

When Art bent down to pat his beloved Cheese, [Y/N] stood from her chair and bent at the waist. She pulled Art’s hat off and set it on the counter. Gently, she kissed Art on top of the head. With a scratch not unlike the ones he gave to the canine to the back of Art’s neck, the man looked up at her from the ground with a half-smile.

“Congrats, baby,” [Y/N] said. Art cut his eyes curiously from her to the tennis channel on the TV playing in the next room. That had him realizing where she would have gotten the information of his win from so efficiently. “How was the tournament? I’m sorry I couldn’t—“

“Sure, sure, but I bet Cheese here is pretty glad you were home,” Art said and stood up with one final pat to Cheese’s flank. “The whole thing was great. I… I’m kind of surprised I won, if I’m being honest.” Art said, wrapping an arm around [Y/N]’s waist.

Naturally, her hands flattened against his toned chest when he tugged her towards him. “I’m not. You’re fucking good at tennis, Art.”

His ears reddened in embarrassment as he tucked his face into [Y/N]’s neck to hide his face. Art was used to praise and loved it more than anything, no matter where it came from. Every compliment from [Y/N] was worth a hell of a lot more. Art hated thinking about why that was the case. He knew why, though. She had seen he and Patrick play and even then thought Art was good. Art still won the match when it came to [Y/N] and he would never tell her that.

“Hush…” He mumbled into her neck, planting a biting, teasing kiss there. She laughed. He laughed. “I played against an eighteen year old kid yesterday. He played really well,” Art leaned back to look at her again. “You saw, I’m sure,” he indicated the TV with a nod. “He would’ve won this weekend if I hadn’t won that match. Just… I’m twenty-six. Made me feel old.”

“…Glad you won, then.”

“I said if I hadn’t…”

“Well, if you’re sooooo down on your win then congrats on flying home all by yourself like a big boy.” [Y/N] smirked.

“Oh, you’re gonna be like that, huh?” Art withdrew his hands from his wife’s body and put them teasingly on his own hips.

[Y/N] nodded. “Yeah. If you’re old, imagine how I feel.”

“Ancient, probably.”

Art leaned in for another kiss. She pushed him back playfully. “No! You called me old!” [Y/N] laughed.

She leaned one way, then the other to avoid Art’s beautifully wrinkled nose and smiling mouth. “Please? I’m sorry, I’m sorry! You’re-you’re not old!” Art said and attempted to trap her with his arms and give her a kiss.

[Y/N] turned hard over her shoulder and ran up the stairs. Cheese gave a woof from the couch when Art chased after her. Art spent his life chasing after her.

“No! You can’t kiss me! Doghouse! Bad Art! Bad!” [Y/N] accused jokingly. Art jumped up the stairs. He took them two and three at a time.

Art backed her against the bathroom door. Nowhere left to run. His rough hands settled on her hips. “Gotcha. You’re pretty fast for an old lady, y’know. Late for bingo, or—“ Art smirked when he leaned in to kiss her.

[Y/N] shut him up with a kiss. She had missed his stupid boy babbling. His mouth was soft against hers. Art put one of his hands on the wooden door beside her face to hold himself up. The other hand found her belt loop, keeping her body close to his.

“I love you,” Art whispered between kisses. “I love you so much, honey. I missed you.”

[Y/N]’s head leaned back against the door with a soft thud. Her breath caught in her throat. “I love you t—mmh!” Art leaned in for another kiss.

The joy of being Art Donaldson’s wife was that he never got tired of touching her, or being physically close. Sometimes, [Y/N] would look over at him while she was writing, or making dinner, and he would be staring, or slowly extending his hand to her and seeing how long it took for [Y/N] to acknowledge his presence. It never ceased to make her feel beautiful. “Can we…” his fingers danced over the button on her jeans.

“Can we what…?” She asked coyly.

Art blushed, but smirked and lowered his lips by [Y/N] ear. “Can we fuck? Please?” He asked too politely for as dirty as those words were. Like the good midwestern boy that he was.

She tipped her head back further. Art kissed her neck with all the energy he could muster. “Can I not make you dinner first? You-you a cheap whore as well as old now, too?” [Y/N] jeered. Art snorted a laugh. The warm air from the giggle spread over [Y/N]’s skin, causing goosebumps to raise. “I’m never letting you leave home alone again, then.”

Art nodded against her skin, sucking and licking a spot they both new would bruise dark. The sound she let out was absolutely disgusting and Art loved it. “I would prefer to never be let out of your sight, personally.” He said when he pulled away.

“Come on, house boy… We’re havin’ dinner. And you’re gonna eat some bread,” [Y/N] said, pointing a finger at Art’s chest. He started to put up a fight about the ultra-low nonexistent amount of inactive carbs he was eating during the season, but [Y/N] kept chattering. “Stop talking. Your brain doesn’t work right without carbs. Braindead. Come on, dinner.”

“You’re bad for me.”

“I know.” [Y/N] smiled.

Normally, [Y/N] drank a cup of coffee when the pair made dinner. Art knew the pattern. He made her the cup of coffee every time. It sat mostly unfinished that night, though. She found herself heating and reheating it in the microwave as they cooked. She started to space out as he recapped the tournament in full detail, as she requested. If Art noticed, he didn’t let on. [Y/N] noticed, though. Little stood between her and coffee. She didn’t want to drink it. That was violently unusual.

“Hey, I’m gonna go piss. Can you—“

“Watch the sauce?” Art asked, indicating the creamy pesto she had on the stove while Art cleaned and cut vegetables.

“Mhm.” [Y/N] confirmed. Art slid over to take the spoon from her. He placed a hand at the bottom of her back as she walked away. Art fit perfectly into her life. It wasn’t fair how right he was for her.

She went to the upstairs bathroom instead of the downstairs one. She hoped that didn’t set off Art’s sixth sense about the way-things-had-to-be. Once upstairs, [Y/N] wasted no time yanking open the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. It was overflowing, naturally. Makeup, supplements, condoms, hair ties, pill bottles, loose painkillers. It was a disaster. There was also a pregnancy test.

A laughing Art had given it to [Y/N] as a joke the morning after their wedding night and she had hit him hard enough to bruise across the chest. The test sat wrapped and in the box behind the mirror every day since. Just in case.

[Y/N] had officially arrived at just in case.

She gingerly tossed the empty box under the sink so Art wouldn’t see it without looking for it. Then, [Y/N] undid the buttons on her overalls and, well, took the test.

Lacking the time to sit and watch it come back positive or negative, [Y/N] tossed the clean cap on the stick, slid it into the pocket of her overalls, washed her hands and went downstairs like nothing was wrong.

Except she knew something was wrong. Now she felt like she had a loaded gun in her pocket. She was too cautious with her movements due to the fear that the test would slip out of her front right pocket in front of Art.

She was damn near about to step into the pantry and shut the door just to see if the pee stick had one line or two. If he wasn’t already suspicious, that would do it. [Y/N] felt that the anxiety created was easily the worst anxiety she had ever had. Oops.

[Y/N] got quiet. She was talking less and listening more. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but she was a chatterbox. Art would notice her blanched face and wrinkled brow eventually, she worried.

Ever the perceptive bastard, Art did. When he sat beside [Y/N] at the counter to eat a bowl of pasta with more inactive carbs than he had eaten in six months, he kept cutting his eyes at her. His bare foot nudged her ankle. Her dish was relatively untouched. “You good, babe? You’re being weird.”

“I’m not being weird.”

“You are being weird because you’re not being you. I’ve barely asked you how you’re doing with all the excitement. Long day?” Art asked, setting down his fork to drag his hand across the back of her shoulders.

“Yeah, a bit.” [Y/N] said. What she meant to say was I have a pregnancy test and I bet it is positive in my pocket right now and I’m so terrified that I can practically smell my pit stains right now, baby. But she didn’t say that.

Art spun to face her, taking in her expression and demeanor. There was that contemplative knot perched between his eyebrows. The back of his hand landed calmly on [Y/N]’s forehead to check her temperature. “Art…” [Y/N] said, pushing his hand down.

“No, hang on.” Art said firmly. He tried to put his hand back on her face. Instead, not having a clue what it said, [Y/N] reached into her front right pocket and slammed the pregnancy test down between them. Art retracted his hand and flinched back a bit at the sudden movement. The test was face down on the counter.

Art’s eyes cut from the test back to her. His face was suddenly very solemn. “Are you—“

“—I dunno. I didn’t-I couldn’t look. It’s been in my pocket for twenty minutes. No idea.”

“Do you think you are?”

[Y/N] shrugged and looked at her bowl. It looked too green. sick sick sick. drip drip drip said the faucet.

“Do you want to know if you are?” Art asked wide-eyed. “I want to know, personally. Do… Do you?”

Again, [Y/N] shrugged. “If we don’t look, it’s not real.”

“…That’s stupid.” Art shook his head.

“You’re stupid.”

Art sighed. “I’m gonna look. I mean, I’m going to turn it over,” his eyes frantically reached for [Y/N]’s. He grabbed her hand with his to get her attention. “I’m going to look. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah.” She whispered and it was okay.

And she was pregnant.

Two blue lines stared at them.

“Fuck.” [Y/N] said. She felt both elated and humiliated. She wanted so badly to be a mother. She wanted to cry. How could they keep it? The timing was wrong. She hadn’t agreed to this. The two of them had so many fights about it. She barely understood how this happened. She thought they were being so careful. It didn’t make any sense. Every precaution she could think of had been taken at one point or another.

And the fucking faucet was still dripping. She could hear it. drip drip drip. Over and over.

“Fuck.” She said sliding out of her chair and standing unsteadily. That wasn’t the result one should feel when they get something they have spent so long wanting.

Art ran his hands through his hair. He knew he shouldn’t be smiling when she looked so worried. His face betrayed the wide smile he hoped to hide. That’s exactly what he wanted to see. Fuck.

“Honey… Hey, hey. You’re okay. This is awesome. C’mere.” Art said like he was diffusing a bomb. His arm were wide open to hold her.

“Art…”

“No, uh-uh. Just come here. Please.”

Cautiously, [Y/N] made her way into her favorite pair of arms in the world. “It’s not supposed to be like this.” [Y/N] choked out as Art held her.

“Shh, I know, I know,” Art said calmly. His left hand’s fingers brushed her hair away from her face. “But that’s how it is now. We have to accept that and solve for the next move, right?” It was silent for a while after that. [Y/N]’s arms were tightly wrapped around Art’s shoulders and their bowls of pasta were certainly cold. She felt that she had ruined everything.

She glanced at Art’s face. The small smile betrayed him. “Art… We can’t. Not now.” she had told Art not now so many times that it felt forced and rehearsed. Now that [Y/N] that was actually pregnant, she wanted nothing more than to stay pregnant. The timing was far from good. She had articles that were still very due the next day. She had a husband who very much traveled often for work (who she traveled with too). She had Cheese, who was staring at her weird over the back the couch because he didn’t understand crying.

“What do you mean we can’t?” Art said quietly. “We-We can. We… have. We are… Actively.” He fumbled.

“We can. We did! But… You know now’s not a good time, baby.” [Y/N] countered weakly.

Art’s hands never left [Y/N]’s waist. “Let’s run pros and cons.”

“Pretty baby.” She said accusatorially. Good old analytic Art…

“Let’s run pros and cons.” Art repeated unflinchingly. He sprang up off of his barstool to gather a sharpie and a legal pad from some drawer. Art uncapped the marker harshly with his teeth. Cap between his teeth still, he asked: “Do you want it?” while he found a clean, smooth page.

Before she could respond with her head, [Y/N] responded with her heart. She nodded a yes to him immediately. “Do you?”

Art capped the back end of the marker to free up his mouth. “More than anything ever, I think. It would probably kill me a little bit, actually, if… Yeah. I understand and it’s all up to you, honey, but… Yeah.” His hand created a PRO column and a CON column on the page.

Under PRO, Art added the items he knew would cause no trouble in his blocky capitalized handwriting:

FINALLY START FAMILY

NATURAL/EASY START

SEASON ALMOST OVER

[Y/N] HAS FLEXIBLE HRS

DREAM COME TRUE??

WILL BE GR8 PARENTS

[Y/N] nodded in approval. She couldn’t think of more pros, but Art handed her the marker and she started in on the CON list:

OLYMPICS??

ART’S NEVER HOME

EXPENSIVE

SMOKING/COFFEE

CHEESE JEALOUS?

TOO YOUNG!

Art drew the line at giving up stimulants and assigning the dog human traits and struck both of those off the list with a frown.

Frankly, Art thought the cons list turned out rude.

“I haven’t qualified for the Olympics yet,” he protested. “And if I do, imagine how early on that would be. Before all the hard stuff.”

[Y/N] replied with the thing they both knew was the most real problem. She had waited forever to say it out loud. “No offense… You are never home anymore. You’re busy all the time. Which I get. It’s your job. You’re good at your job. But look how excited the fuckin’ dog got to see you because you were gone so long. You are never here. We can’t put a human in doggy day camp all the time. It would be fucking impossible to raise—“

“I’ll quit,” Art said, wincing. He wouldn’t. [Y/N] felt that this was a bluff. He tried in vain to hide his expression of shame. “I’ll quit tennis.” He said. He wasn’t going to.

“That would worsen the problem. No money.”

“I’ll work at the 7/11. I’ll be a construction worker. I could be a fuckin’ coach. I actually have a degree, y’know, I can use it. I’m more than a racket. I don’t want you to feel alone here. I want to be here for all of it, I can—“

“You know I’m alone here a lot, babe. A lot. You don’t… You’re in a position where you’re unable to help constantly. Because you’re gone. That’s okay. I married you knowing that, right? But a baby, Art? That’s not fair.”

“I’ll bail on a season. I will. I just…” Art stared at her. “Please. I’m begging you. See this kid through with me.”

The sharpie was forgotten on the counter along with dinner. Art’s knees landed on the floor before [Y/N]. Art practically lived on his knees in front of [Y/N]. He gathered [Y/N] hands in his. “Please. It’s your call, but hear me out. Because that thing is part of both us. I don’t want you to hate or resent me or the little stinker forever, but you want it. I know that. Hear me out.” His beautiful two-tone eyes stared up at her.

“Fine. Go ahead.”

“I will give you anything. Please, my world is you. Not tennis; you. I’m telling you, I-I would leave that behind to be anything you need right now. Just ask it. You’re my fucking priority, you got that? I just.. I… Please? I’m not going anywhere.”

“I want to keep it too, but—“

“Then what’s the big deal?” Art asked hopefully.

“It isn’t a good time. It’s too soon.”

Art’s mouth trailed kisses across his wife’s stomach and hips and hands and arms. He let this go on for several minutes. “Please,” Art whimpered pathetically into the skin of her wrist. “Please, please, please. I will do anything, my love. I’m on my knees here,” Art looked up at her through thick lashes. “We can do this. Both of us together. I’ll do whatever you want. You know I will. This can be good for us. I’m really sorry we’re here, but here we are, hon. What time’s going to be the right time? Please. I love you.” Art pleaded desperately.

[Y/N] knew this was going to be a disaster. But she wanted to keep it. What time’s going to be the right time? rung in her ears over and over, like the faucet. They had put so much time into arguing about the time and the place that would be right for a family. Now it was right in front of them. Her hand caressed Art’s face. She loved it when he groveled like that. This time, on his knees and everything. On instinct, he nuzzled his face into her hand and looked up at her through long lashes.

“Will you fix the faucet? It’s been dripping all week.”

“Anything.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it. I’m going to think about it. The baby.”

“You will?” Art’s teary eyes widened.

“Objectively, this is a terrible fucking idea. We both know that. But if it’s really so terrible, why do I feel, like… happy about it…”

Art’s face lit up. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either. [Y/N], honestly, found it very hard to say no to Art. His arms wrapped carefully around her thighs while his head rested against her middle as he knelt. [Y/N] could feel his silver ring through the denim of her overalls. “God, I love you. I love you, [Y/N]. We’re not going to regret this. Holy shit…”

“Love you too. We’re gonna… We’re gonna try, maybe? This doesn’t feel real. Does this feel real? I…”

“It feels like a dream is what it feels like,” Art mumbled into her clothes. “I love you.” Art said, pressing a kiss to her stomach.

“I love you.”

“I’m gonna be a dad…” Art almost wept. “If you, y’know, but… Shit. I’m sorry.” Which part he was apologizing for was unclear.

At that, [Y/N] laughed and tangled her fingers in his curly blonde mop of hair. “Yeah, you’re gonna be a fucking dad, pretty baby.” She smiled.

[Y/N]’s next instinct was to say: I have to call Patrick. Then she remembered couldn’t call Patrick.

TAGLIST (ask to join):

@diorrfairy @donaldsonsdarling @muthafuckingstargirl @shysstuff @soberbabes @avylanchce

apologies for tag issues. i’ll dm those it didn’t work for!

[raivenantcravings]

Round 6 Reaction/Analysis

SDFFSDHFLSDHF ROUND 6 FSDHKFDSH ROUND 6 FSDKFSDHFDS ROUND 6

I woke up to twitter analysis saying that Till never even looked at Ivan until his final moments. And I made pre round 6 fanart titled "look at me." Couldn't manifest it. He never looked at him in the end,,,

broo dont look so happy. oh my god you lovesick fool.

reaction and analysis under the cut

First detail I noticed was that are the mics clear because both Ivan and Till are being vulnerable? They have nothing to hide anymore, so they'll show the world their whole being.

Anyways, to my main point,,

My interpretation of the ending was that Ivan was really trying to "cure" Till.

Till opens up with wanting to feel pain, to feel hurt.

"Please, leave me scars"

"Please, hurt me so that not a single drop of me remains"

Which, I realize he's talking to Mizi, but it's a cry for "help" either way.

Ivan's part goes:

"Notice my pain and mend me right now"

Again, he's talking about himself, but I think it could apply to what he does to Till.

So they kiss.

And, I've seen a lot of other people already say this, but I also do feel the kiss was not only meant to be for Ivan to selfishly show his love for Till.

Like bro don't go nonconsensually kissing your crush, what are you doing!?

When the scores came out, Ivan was much lower than Till than I expected. I thought it'd be a Mizi-Sua situation where the scores were close, but Mizi barely edged it out.

But Till almost had 20 points over Ivan.

And I know it's because Till is a rising star. And his new image change would really garner the attention of everyone. But it's not like Ivan is a nobody either. I didn't expect the scores to be so different.

I do think its because Ivan kissed Till. As a final nail in the coffin that guarantees his loss.

Alien Stage is commentary on the idol industry. One of the most prevalent issues in the idol industry is the romantic lives of the idols. Idols are not supposed to be in relationships, at least not outwardly. Their whole image is for the fans. Nothing they do should ruin that public image as an idol.

Much less in a in a queer relationship.

Now I don't believe the universe of Alien Stage cares about LGBTQ+ issues because there's bigger issues surrounding their human pets. But I think that it is an issue that Vivinos is trying to address because they certainly never shy away from queer issues in their other works.

And I feel the idea that idols/pets should not be swayed by their romantic emotions is still prevalent in their society.

So for the audience to see Ivan kiss Till, in one of the most outrageous and public displays possible, further pushes the votes in Till's favor.

And yeah, I also do believe that he kissed Till for him to finally look at him, but I also feel that it was a self-sacrifice too.

And then Ivan violently chokes Till.

Possibly, as another way to give Till votes. Since when Mizi started punching Luka, the audience was outraged at her actions.

Violence is definitely frowned upon on the stage.

More on the choking scene,,

I also saw some people saying that it's because Ivan wanted Till to die with him, which may be part of it. I don't think everything Ivan did was completely selfless.

But

Till accepts it. Earlier when he is at the bar (party? venue? the private show either way), he fights the alien who tries to punch him.

He did show him Mizi's missing image, so he is enraged in this moment, but he does have fight left in him even then.

He doesn't resist when Ivan chokes him just closes his eyes and awaits death. Perhaps if Mizi was already dead, he can just join her in the afterlife since he had no way of knowing she was still alive.

In this way, Ivan is his savior. The one who is finally freeing him from all this pain he felt after losing Mizi. This is his "cure."

And for Ivan, he sorta wants to be a savior to Till. He has freed him on multiple accounts from his shackles. Even helping him run away with him, so they can experience freedom together.

They both get what they want, but,,

Ivan lets go of Till and Till, with an expression that feels like shock, finally looks at Ivan.

Killing him would not give him the freedom that Till needs

that Ivan wants Till to have.

So, like the countless times Till has been chained around his neck, Ivan gives him his chains:

hurting him like he desires.

A scar around his neck.

(Where the scar from his name is)

And mending him,

by taking away the final chain that Ivan could release from Till.

His "cure."

It felt like his final desire was to get Till to snap out of it, to realize that he needs to find true freedom, to not get apathetic at the situation, to keep on going and to live.

He really, truly loves Till even if Till does and never will understand it.

Also final thoughts, is it not strange that Ivan is able to release Till's bindings so easily?

No one else is shown releasing the bindings, so maybe it is just as easy as a press of the button. Yet, I don't feel like it's just poorly designed if that's the case. Because you literally have a person like Ivan releasing a dangerous human like Till. Shouldn't a cautious society like the world of Alien Stage made sure it wouldn't be super easy to get out of.

If there is more to it, I wonder if that'll be a plot point later on. With Ivan leaving behind the secret to getting out of the bindings for Till. So, when a character maybe Till or even Hyuna or Mizi have been captured, they're able to escape since they know how to remove them.

Maybe, I'm just being delulu

And final final thoughts, the kiss was great and definitely made me almost scream. But the way Ivan nuzzled Till has got me acting up.

Like, it's just so soft and sweet and not a big show of it like when Ivan kisses Till on stage.

It feels so intimate, so personal, so full of love.

I just, I just can't. They'll be the death of me.

[circeyoru]

{Demonic Companion} Something's wrong with your lover + Angst moments over love

First spin-off! This request can be found in {Demonic Companion _ Part 2}

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@writer-girl993d

Maybe after reader gets a lover, they’re ranting about the lover to Alastor and realizes something’s wrong. Or before lover boy gets involved and we get the angst over what Alastor “likes” Mimzy over? I have more ideas but I don’t want to flood the comments with them but let me know if you want more?

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**For the sake of it, I’ll just call the lover as ‘L’ cause I don’t know if you prefer female or male lovers. 

What if you realize there’s something wrong with your relationship with L while ranting to Alastor?

The likelihood of you realizing something wrong is slim, but with more obvious hints, you’ll notice. Especially since you’re comparing L with Alastor to prove to yourself that it was a ‘good’ or ‘safe’ choice as you do love Alastor still but gave up since he has crush on a demon that you don’t think you can compare with

To realize something wrong would be something along the lines of L having red flag, being abusive or manipulative or anything like that. How you realize is thanks to Alastor. Before you and the Overlord were all buddy-buddy, he did try to rope you into signing a contract with him and it was your persistence that got him to give up (hence why Alastor wanted you romantically now)

But because Alastor changed for you, you think the same would happen with L. Now a cruical element in that change is whether L is geuninently in love with you. If not, you can bet that you will break things off since you can tell fake from true. If so, you’d be more patient. It wasn’t like Alastor also changed by the next visit

Overall, you’re seeing Alastor in L, that was why L was your crush and lover to begin with. L was your reminder of what would be a happy end for you two if Alastor didn’t express his distance to you and his crush to Mimzy

You would have fought back and tried to win Alastor’s heart, but you weren’t the type of person to selfishly want your own happiness to sacrifice others’. Why did you think your childhood friends didn’t listen to you when they were doing that demon summoning?

Angst Moments Over What Alastor ‘Likes’ About Mimzy

*Fair warning, this would be set before you express your crush and still pursuing Alastor’s heart but he’s in denial and pushing you away strongly. Alastor firmly drawing the line that you two were merely friends and you should be grateful that he didn’t do anything bad to you

“Oh, the gal should can dance! Back in the days, you should have seen her, she can dance throughout the night and until the sun comes up! Ha! No one but I can keep up with her. There were rumours going around that we were an item. Oh, how I wish it so.” Alastor sighed as he played with his cane childishly while his eyes looked so distant

You shouldn’t have asked, you shouldn’t have been curious. They say ignorant is bliss, but now that you know. You can’t forget it. You scrolled on your phone, hugging your soft toy tighter. You could hear your heart shattering with every praise and admiration that rolled off his tongue, you wanted to put in your earplug or tell Alastor off so you could bury your head in your pillow and sob the night away

You can’t help but be smitten with the charming demon, not that he was powerful and handsome and well, charming. But he had been the only one in your life that stayed by your side. Whether it was being brutally honest or poking fun at you to make you stronger. It was always him and he didn’t leave you

Giving him your soul wasn’t the answer because then your life would be cut short and you want your freedom and pride still. As much as you know that was what Alastor want from you

You tried taking dancing lessons, train your public speaking, work part-time at a cafe, all those things Alastor told you about Mimzy. It was out of your comfort zone, but if it gets Alastor to see you as something more than a potential contracted soul or a friend, it was worth it

But you got the worst wake up call

“My dear, are you trying to be like Mimzy?” Alastor’s words taunted you, making you brush in embarrassment for being found out. His condescending laughter didn’t comfort you. “You mortal soul, can never be like Mimzy, you’d never be on your level! No matter how hard you’d try, you can never be like the one I love and care for. So, do give up and save yourself the money, energy, and time spent on these wasteful efforts of yours.”

It was a wonder you didn’t break down on the spot and cry

Unlike Mimzy, you weren’t successful, nor can you dance like crazy. You didn’t know Alastor from his time period, you didn’t bond with him as much. You didn’t know Alastor as much as Mimzy, you’d still fear his demonic form whereas Mimzy cheers him on. You’re not Mimzy. Alastor likes Mimzy

Right, you wake up from then on. Alastor doesn’t love you like he would to Mimzy. You were merely an entertainment on Earth that he graciously gives his time and energy to. How many can say that a demon stayed by their side and not torment them for the rest of their mortal life? You might be the only one

So you smiled, your eyes closed and your lips curved into the widest smile you can manage. You didn’t catch the way Alastor freeze and his smile faltering when you spoke those words that changed everything from then on, “Right, sorry. I thought I could learn a thing or two from Mimzy since you hold her in such high regard. I was silly. Can you please give me some time to think things through? Maybe a week or so. I’ll be back to normal by then.”

Alastor shouldn’t have agreed. He shouldn’t have ignored and brush off the way you were so stiff and in such disbelief of his words. He was harsh, he saw that now. He shouldn’t have given you space. But what was he to do? He didn’t even know why he said and did what he did

The next time Alastor returned to your side, you have already been directing your attention to a crush of yours from school and your intimate care to him was all missing its warmth

Note: The second spin-off for this series is coming soon~ It's a bit of a sample to let you see what the requests would be written as. Obviously it's going to be as long as your and my ideas combined, but not long enough to be a one-shot

Circe Y.

[ja3yun]

The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.3

sim jaeyun x afab!reader

warnings: suggestive (smut-ish flashback), angst, lost love, pet names, not many warnings tbf, and not proofread. anything I missed please lmk!

wc: 10.3k+ (honestly, i need to make these shorter)

synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.

part 1 | part 2 | part 4

a/n: hi! I'm giving you this chapter kinda quickly. heavy appearances from my wjsn ults because they are now integral to the story <3 will update the next part during the week

4 years have passed since you left. No contact with your family, sometimes opting to send them a Christmas card with no return address just to let them know you’re alive. You missed them like crazy, more than any words could explain. It had been so long sometimes you wonder if you should go back, even for your mum’s birthday but it would be too awkward. The dramatic teen you left behind is who they knew you as, not the woman you’ve grown up to be. 

College changed you dramatically, for the better you like to hope. Your roommate Eunseo quickly became your other half, showing you the ropes of Avanti, Being a year older than you she was accustomed to the college, she picked you up when you needed it the most and she didn’t even have to. You thought she took pity on you at first, just taking you under her wing because you were a crying dismantled mess. But she was simply just the loveliest person in the whole world. You wouldn’t have made it to today without her. She left college last year and got a job close by so you saw her often and you were thankful for her every day. 

Throughout your college experience you did the typical; study, party, make questionable life choices at said parties. But one thing you couldn’t do was get into a relationship. 

You started hooking up with guys in your second year, just flings and one-night stands. Eunseo supported your habits, “I will always support women's rights and also their wrongs” she used to say every time you pre-gamed and she never asked why you didn’t get into a relationship. 

Jaeyun’s name hadn’t left your lips in 1460 days. A choice that you made as soon as you stepped off the bus in Pyeongchang. Jaeyun’s name also hadn't left your mind in 1460 days. Every touch from another felt wrong, every chat up line, every unwarranted dick pic. It wasn’t him so it didn’t matter to you. 

You started to enjoy yourself more as time went on, creating a new friend group and new memories. By the final year of college, you were content with your life, finding a degree in film was a fluke but you ended up loving every bit of it, an internship was on the horizon at HYBE Media to shadow a music video producer, your hair routine finally working out. Everything was coming up Y/N. This was the right choice. 

Yet you still thought about Jaeyun every day. What was he up to? Did he like living in Busan? Was he with someone else? Granted you don’t like to think about that last one too often or else you get a tightness in your chest. You wanted him to be happy but selfishly you didn’t want to know if that happiness was because of someone else. 

“Helloooo, Y/N, are you even listening?” Eunseo’s hand waves across your face as you come back from your zoned-out state, “Tell me what I just said.” She huffs and crosses her legs and arms, sitting back knowingly. Eunseo had invited you to a coffee date in a quaint little shop outside of your university. She originally introduced it to you on your second day here and it became your favourite spot. Laughing, crying, and hungover, you both occupied this little shop as if it were your second home.

You smile guilty and laugh, “You were talking about how much you love me and that we should get married,” you shrug and tilt your head jokingly.

“Weirdly you are close!” Her pointer finger is now in front of your face as she leans forward quickly in a flash. 

“I was?” You gave an incredulous look with one eyebrow raised.

“Yes! It has to do with marriage.” Her hands gesture an arch that can only remind you of the one SpongeBob imagination meme and you giggle. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re marrying Serim after like 2 dates.” You half joke and half panic, it wouldn’t be unlike her to do something like that and you both know it. Eunseo takes in your expression and slaps the table loudly and laughs. If there was one thing your best friend wasn’t good at it’s being quiet, and you love her so much for it.

“I like him a lot, but no. Actually, it's about my sister. You know she’s getting married?” You nod, sipping your coffee, “Well of course I’m the maid of honor,” she lifts the back of her hands and twinkles them under her chin and you chuckle, “Someone dropped out and there is a spare seat. Yeoreum is a freak and needs it filled for everything ‘to go as planned’”

You had never met any of Eunseo’s family, they lived a few hours away and despite the effort Eunseo made to invite you to every family gathering, even Christmas, you declined not wishing to be a burden. “I want you to come. I checked your schedule and you’re free, I have a dress, I’m driving us up,” she keeps rhyming off every reason you have ever given her to bail on traveling with her, “and you owe me one.”

Furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head you encourage her to continue, owe her for what? “Well you don’t owe me yet but I heard the best man is single, older than you, and has these gorgeous big eyes. I’ll set you both up.”

“So I owe you for something that hasn’t even happened yet? And you don’t even know if he is interested? Or single?”

“Details, details.” Eunseo’s hand waves dismissively, “Please just come. I want you to meet my family since you don’t have any of your own. Think of my family as yours.” 

Eunseo doesn’t know what happened back home. You never told her you didn’t have a family but that you were just estranged from them, never disclosing details, particularly that the reason you don’t go home is your own fault, she didn’t have to know. Eunseo didn’t know anything, not about Jaeyun, nothing at all and yet she didn’t pry into your past. You were so thankful for her.

“Eunseo,” rejection is on the tip of your lips but she’s pouting, her eyes big as she does her best to look cute, and to your dismay it works, “I’d love to come.” The sun suddenly started to shine and burn your skin as its light lay on you through the window.

“Amazing!” clapping her hands rapidly she giggles, “We’re leaving tomorrow.” 

Your eyes expand and she stands up not letting you protest at how soon the wedding is. “I thought she wasn’t getting married until Saturday?” You query and check your phone which reads Monday. 

Walking out she explains, “Yeah but I need to be there early for final fittings, yadda yadda, boring wedding stuff. So I’m taking you with me. Either that or you drive up yourself.” The glint in her eyes as she turns to you makes your face deadpan.

“Fuck you, you know I can’t drive.” She laughs and grabs your hand. 

“And I still don’t understand how you’re 23 and can’t even ride a go-kart without crashing.” Playfully you hit her arm and laughed, a memory of you and her go-karting painted your brain. After that, you never got behind another wheel. 

___________

You arrive at Eunseo’s parents' house and your jaw slacks open. It’s bigger than any house you’ve ever seen. Your best friend joked a lot about being rich but you didn’t know she was rich rich. There are stairs leading to a giant white door that compliments the ash-coloured stones that surround it. Moss is growing up on each side of the home with intentionally placed pink flowers decorating throughout. Those rich bitch houses are so ugly, I want as small a house as possible so I’m always close to you no matter what room I’m in. His voice plays in your head but you shake him out.

Her parents are graciously letting you and her stay in the spare bedrooms, you don’t dare ask how many rooms are actually in this castle. Something about the air feels strangely familiar. You shrug it off and head inside with your blue suitcase and steamed dress. You curse rich people for having so many stairs.

“My baby!” Eunseo’s dad shouts from the door, “How is my sweet angel?” He greets her at the top of the stairs and hugs her tightly. You miss your dad a lot. His comforting words, his piggyback rides, his weird cinnamon body wash that made you despise the spice, you missed it all. “This must be Y/N! It only took 4 years to meet you.” His chest lets out a deep laugh as he hugs you just as tightly as his own daughter. A smile plasters on your face as you hug him with one arm, the other outstretched to protect the dress. 

“Thank you for having me. It’s an honour to be part of your daughter’s big day.” Eunseo’s dad’s eyes turn to crescent moons as he smiles and steps aside to usher you into the big house. 

“The party is in a few hours. The happy couple aren’t here, running last-minute chores but you’ll meet them tonight.” He turns to you and points up the stairs, “Eunseo will show you where to get changed. If you need anything, me and the wife will be hovering around.” You side-eye Eunseo quickly and she smiles widely. She didn’t tell you about a party. 

Bowing slightly you thank him and follow Eunseo who is squealing, shouting about how excited she is for you to meet everyone. Sometimes you wonder if she is the relationship you’ve been seeking after Jaeyun, platonic or not, you love her all the same. 

A few hours later you hear bustling from the crowd gathered down the stairs, the party in full swing as Eunseo finishes curling a wispy strand of your hair. Glancing up at her you notice how beautiful she truly is; her bangs falling effortlessly to frame her face, her lips plump and naturally pouty, she was flawless. 

“If you keep staring I’ll literally take you on the bed.” She smiles and you laugh. Pouting her lips near your face she pretends to kiss you and you play into it. Life is so easy with her. “Go get changed, I need to see my masterpiece completed.” Walking away she picks up the dress and thrusts it into your chest, “You’re gonna look amazing. That babe of a best man is gonna fall at your feet.  Now go.” she shoos you into the ensuite bathroom.

Staring in the mirror you analyse her work on your face and hair. Never in your life have you ever looked so beautiful and you can’t help but stare. You shed your old life behind you yet this is the first time you really felt like you were reborn. The immature you left behind, the 23-year-old staring in the mirror coming up from the ashes.

Unzipping the garment bag you see the dress Eunseo picked for you and you gasp. Its a silky deep red dress. Far too sexy for something like this.

“Um, Eunseo? This dress is…” You hold it against you and observe what it would look like on you. Hot. That’s exactly how it would look and considering this was the first time meeting a whole family of someone dear to you, you’d rather be more covered up than this.

“Shut up it’s hot. My cousins will be wearing something way sluttier so it’s all good.” Her nonchalant tone doesn’t ease you but it’s either this or the dress she got you for the actual wedding. 

As you adorn the dress you notice how it fits you perfectly and hugs you in at the waist flatteringly. It’s been months since you’ve put something on this beautiful. Your cleavage is out just enough, the material stops at your mid-thighs, and you feel like a beauty queen. As you take yourself in your hand goes up to your necklace. That necklace. The gold of the sun complimented the dress perfectly. You never did bring yourself to take it off.

Opening the door you see Eunseo changed into a pastel blue dress, covering her arms and neck but cut out to leave her chest exposed just enough, a slit runs up her thigh. Your jaw is on the floor as she walks over and eyes you up and down. “Look at you! A literal goddess.” she smiles as she takes your hands. “You ready to upstage my sister at her own engagement party?”

“Eunseo…you did not pick these outfits to stand out on purpose did you?” Suddenly your heart is beating quickly and the urge to change is more than ever. 

“Of course not! We’re just hotter than anyone here, including her.” She laughs and hands you the pair of gold heels you eyed up as she unpacked her bags earlier. They were exactly your style. “Take these and put them on. Literally take them off whenever but for the grand entrance you need to be complete” She used her right hand to motion over your body. 

Putting the shoes on you grew about 4 inches taller and were on Eunseo’s eye level now. “Ready to rock this bitch?” You nod and she grabs your arm, dragging you down the stairs.

There are eyes on you everywhere and you can’t lie, it is a little uncomfortable considering the age range of the men staring are in their late 50s. It's a party like you’ve only seen in movies; waiters walk around with Hors D’oeurves and flutes of expensive champagne. You start to wonder how much all this cost and if you could convince someone at this party to pay off your student loan. 

“Hey Eunseo?” You grab her attention as she hands you a glass of bubbly happily, “I just realised I don’t know Yeoreum’s fiance’s name.” 

“Oh,” She laughs loudly and slaps your arm, “It’s Jaeyun.” Your heart stops for a moment, there are lots of Jaeyun’s in Korea. Jaeyun from TO1 could walk through that door for all you knew. “Jake is what he goes by though.” Your heart drops rapidly. There might be a lot of Jaeyuns but none that also go by Jake. Part of you wishes it was the biggest coincidence in the world but as voices fill the archway into the living room where you and your best friend reside you see Yeoreum, more beautiful than any picture Eunseo showed you could capture, and Jaeyun. Your Jaeyun.

Static is all you hear as you watch him greet guests and thank them for coming, and each footstep closer to you has your mouth going moist, ready to vomit. He hasn’t noticed you and if you had control of your body you would be bolting out the door instantly, but your mind has glued your feet to the floor. You take him, his face more defined than his previous squishy state, he’s wearing a fitted black suit blazer with no shirt underneath and matching wide-leg black trousers, and his hair is slicked back with stray pieces falling around his face. He looks expensive. He looks like the home you once knew.

You see Eunseo talking to you but as your eyes meet his, that static you once heard turns into rapid heartbeats. Your body is flushing with heat as you notice how his eyes widen for a second, his body turns to you instinctively.

“Eunseo!” Yeoreum squeals and shuffles quickly to give her sister an all-consuming hug, just like you want to do to Jaeyun right now. “Jakey come here” she beacons her fiance towards the both of you and without blinking or taking his eyes off you he walks cautiously forward. “You must be Y/N? Eunseo talks about you all the time.” 

She’s lovely. Gorgeous, clearly kind, she’s perfect just like her sister and it makes you want to cry. She’s perfect for him.

Plastering a smile on your face you fake glee as you hug her lightly, stealing another glance at Jaeyun while she can’t see you. He might have gotten older but those eyes still looked the same. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” you pull away and step back, sole focus on his bride, “Congratulations.” It's bitter and you say it quickly.

“Aw thank you!” She beams and you feel like being sick again. 

“Excuse me, I’m going to go to the restroom, I’ll be right back.” You excuse yourself and rush past the couple and Eunseo leaving a gust of air behind you. Clutching your chest you run upstairs for an escape. Out of all the best friend’s sister’s fiances, how was he the one you were faced with? Pushing the guest room door open you scuttle in and take a few deep breaths reliving the moments just before.

“Y/N?” The Australian accent hits you hard as you turn around and meet his eyes. It takes only seconds before his hands have cupped your face and his body dangerously presses against yours, so close you can feel his heart, a heart that used to beat only for you.

“Baby,” he pauses as his eyes search your face trying to convince himself that you aren’t a dream, “where did you go?” Jaeyun desperately whines, his voice cracking in sadness as his forehead touches yours. There is love laced within the melancholic question. Instinctively your hands grab his wrists as you close your eyes. “Princess, please talk to me. '' He's pleading, begging for any explanation. Jaeyun’s hands go from your cheeks and trace down your shoulders, his eyes scanning every inch of your face in desperation. He doesn’t believe you’re real and in front of him, your face is more mature yet still the same girl he loves even after all these years. 4 years he’s waited for you to come back to him.

Your silence and shallow breathing urge him to ask more questions, his thumbs stroking the area between the base of your neck and collarbone. “What happened?”

“You’re engaged.”  The first words out of your mouth take him aback. His mouth stays open, his hands leaving your body leaving you cold, and shivering. “She seems nice-”

“Don’t do that,” His bottom jaw slowly clenching as he speaks, “Please don’t act fine like this. Don’t make it seem like I’m the only one that’s hurting for us right now.” You sob without tears as you see him vulnerable and eyes beseeching. Jaeyun’s hands point to you before coming together in a praying motion, “I looked for you everywhere. I spent months trying to find you.” Deep down you knew he would have looked for you, but not for months, maybe for a couple of weeks before he left for Busan, but never months, “What did I do?”

Without a beat, you respond, “Nothing. You could never do anything.” 

“You don’t just abandon people you love, Y/N. Not us. There had to be something I did to make you fall out of lov-”

“Jake!” You hear a familiar voice shout and your head falls down to stare at your shoes. 

“Baby please,” Jaeyun wants to hold you, kiss you, understand what happened but he can’t. Not right now. 

“You should go, I’ll leave in the morning-”

“Don’t leave me again, baby, please.” His voice is quiet, despair etched within his tone. His eyes fall on your necklace, the necklace that he gifted you. His eyes trail down to properly take you in and if he wasn’t astounded before by your mere presence he was now, “You look so beautiful, just like always.”

“Jake your dad is gonna make a speech-” Heeseung's voice bellows throughout the room and yet you and Jaeyun don’t take your eyes off each other. As Heeseung walks in he freezes at the sight of you. Over the years Heeseung silently forgave you, seeing his best friend move on with Yeoreum brought him some solace when he thought about what you did to Jaeyun, but now the anger that was dissipated through time is bubbling up again, “Y/N? What the fuck are you doing here?” His tone is surprised more than angry, but you can tell he’s fuming.

You don’t dare look at him. 

“You should get back to your engagement party." Nothing but a whisper as it comes out. You’ve lost him as quickly as you got him back. You did this, and now you need to deal with the consequences. Brushing past him and Heeseung you make your way back to Eunseo ignoring his hand that grazed your wrist in an attempt to stop you.

His family was here, his friends, people from your past that you wanted to forget. The pressure was starting to become too much as you rushed down the stairs before colliding with someone, “I’m sorry.” You bow quickly.

“Y/N?” Mr. Sim’s voice quips in astonishment, “What are you doing here?” His head comes down so his eyes are level with yours, “What-” He has no words, looking at the girl he thought was going to marry his son. 

“Mr. Sim, It’s nice to see you again” You bow but still avoid eye contact. “I’m sure you’re proud of Jaeyun.” 

“Darling, we thought something awful happened to you.” The sincerity in his voice made you look up at him, heartache carved in your features “Your mum and dad haven’t stopped worrying about you.” A hand is placed on your shoulder and as you look down you see Eunseo.

“Girl there you are! You took one long bathroom break.” She laughs and bows to Mr. Sim, “Ready for your speech, Sir?” Mr. Sim looks at you inquisitively before returning Eunseo’s bow.

“I’ve been preparing this speech for years, only some minor tweaks.” His eyes find yours and you start to think maybe he’s hinting towards the speech he would have given at Jaeyun and your engagement party. “Better head.” Lips forming a tight smile he descends the stairs. 

His words circle your brain. You understood your parents would worry but all of these years you never had to face it, not until your past was being pushed onto you. Eunseo takes your hand and pulls you to the dining area where people are gathered to make speeches and say their congratulations. 

Jaeyun strolls in behind Heeseung, his hands in his pockets before he notices his soon-to-be wife and wraps one arm around her. Tears threaten to spill as you watch the loving action. That should have been you. You should be marrying him, taking his second name, being his everything.

A fork clinks with a wine glass as Mr. Sim starts his speech. “Thank you everyone for coming. I will make this short considering I’m sure you’re all sick of us talking, especially when there is a free bar.” the people occupying the room laugh loudly and you see Yeoreum smile up at Jaeyun. It killed you but like always you put a smile on your face, “My son, he’s always been someone to wear his heart on his sleeve, always giving one hundred percent of himself to the person he loves,” Mr. Sims eyes fall on you and you feel like the speech is somehow directed to you, “Jaeyun deserves to have someone who loves him unconditionally, without prejudice, without pride, and always with his best interest in mind. I believe he’s found that.” 

Crushed. Your heart can’t take the rest of the speech as you walk out of the room and bolt for the entrance of the house. Heaving your chest to gasp for air you feel yourself clutching at your chest, if you hadn’t had a panic attack before in your life you would have thought you were having a heart attack. You breathe out harshly, gasping for air as you lean on the banister. Someone comes up behind you and places a hand on your shoulder gently. 

You hear muffled words but don’t take anything in as the figure guides you to sit on the steps, their hands rubbing your arms to keep you warm.

“Breathe for me, Y/N. He He Hoo or whatever.” You follow the words and inhale two breaths sharply and exhale extendedly. “That’s it.”

Your vision starts to come into focus as you see Heeseung in front of you, his Bambi eyes soft as his thumbs rub circles into your upper arms, “Keep doing that for me, okay?” He’s always been so kind to you, that you want to cry and he notices, “Hey, look at me, Y/N. Tell me about that band you used to like way back when.” Heeseung is trying to distract you but your brain is fuzzy and tears are rolling down your face, “The one with that rapper Jaeyun was always jealous of because you had him as your lock screen?"

“Monsta X?” you breathe out and he smiles lightly.

“Yeah, tell me about them. Are they still together?” His hands leave your arms as he discards his jacket from his body and wraps it around you.

Nodding you start to answer his question, “Yeah, they’re still together.” You sniffle and feel your heart start to slow down and breathe at ease, “Most of them are in the military now.” Your lips naturally form into a pout as you think about your favourite band being separated, not being whole until 2027.

“Sucks doesn’t it? I felt the same about ONF.” He laughs and so do you, letting out a singular sob as you do so.

“I didn’t mean to come here, Hee. Her sister is my best friend.” His eyes go wide and then looks down, his hands finding their way to your knees. 

“Y/N, you can’t be here. He finally moved on.” There is a pleading intertwined with sorrow in his voice and you slowly nod. “He’s happy.”

“Heeseung?” Jaeyun’s voice pierces through you, the warmth from Heeseung’s jacket becoming null as goosebumps prickle your skin. “Can I talk with her?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, man.” They’re talking like you aren’t even there and a part of this too yet your voice is too weak to speak up and share your thoughts. Tension is looming in the air as Heeseung gives the man you love a stern stare, but Jaeyun has always been stubborn when it comes to you. If he can’t talk to you now he will find a way. However, for now, at least, Jaeyun listens to his best man, and with one more glace to your fragile body he heads back to his party. It hurts him to see you like this, he wants nothing more than to swoop you up and take you in his arms like he used to all those years ago.

The party continues as you head back in making your way to the guest bedroom, giving excuses to those asking simply saying you’re tired from travelling. You miss him being yours. That was the real exhaustion.

________

The party ended a couple of hours ago, the once loud and busy foyer now dark as you tip-toe down the stairs, heedful to not wake anyone up. It’s 5 am when you awake dying of thirst and decide to leave the comfy double bed of the guest bedroom and get a glass of water. Looking around you see empty wine glasses, a few smashed ones lined up on the long table just beside the stair banister. It truly was a magnificent party and in any other circumstance, you would have had a great time. Yeoreum’s family is lovely and welcoming it’s no wonder they have so many friends, and no wonder Jaeyun fell in love with her and fit so perfectly as her soon-to-be husband. 

A leak of light bleeds from the kitchen and you presume an under-unit lamp is still on but as your feet scuffle into the kitchen you see a broad back staring at you. Taking in the figure you notice their blue and yellow checked pajama bottoms and casual black t shirt evidently not intended to be worn together but clearly the first thing they could find. 

A creak sounds from under you alerting them of your presence causing them to whip around. Jaeyun. One of his eyes was shut indicating he was not long up himself, his dark hair fluffy and tussled but still slightly in place due to the remnants of styling wax. He takes your breath away every time.

“Hi.” You whisper and make your way to the fridge. Heeseung was right, it wasn’t a good idea to speak to each other. When you saw Jaeyun again after all these years you thought he would be mad, scream at you to get out, seething in hate, but that was never who Jaeyun was. Instead, you felt his love shooting through you and that was the dangerous part.

“It’s late.” His eyes never leave you as he watches you pour a glass of filtered water. 

“Or early.” You shrug and lean against the unit not daring to look at him. “I guess it depends on whether you went to sleep or not.” you mumble, small talk never being your thing. 

Jaeyun still feels like he’s in a dream. Your presence is haunting yet he hasn’t felt more at home. Just the simplicity of you being in this kitchen is enough for him to experience contentment he hasn’t felt in years. Not since then. 

“When did you get engaged?” The question punches him slap-bang in the middle of his chest, the wind escaping his body. 

With his head hanging low and his middle finger tracing his coffee mug he muttered, “ A few months ago.” to which you nodded and pursed your lips. “What about you?” he questions back, “you seeing anyone?”

“No.” It’s sharp and direct but you don’t want to touch on the subject any further, you didn’t want to accidentally divulge that you couldn’t get over him, not when he was sitting afore you an engaged man. It’s embarrassing.

Jaeyun sucks in a breath and holds it as if he was going to say something but in his hesitance, you speak up again. “Eunseo, she’s my best friend.” giving the information as a way to explain why you’re here. “I didn’t know it was you getting married to Yeoreum, I promise.” Your eyes are begging for him to look at you so he can see the sincerity in your words but he never does, opting to just nod slowly. “I’ll make up an excuse to get out of here before the wedding.”

“Why did you leave, Y/N?” Jaeyun’s voice is soft but laced with hurt, “Tell me why because for 4 fucking years I still haven’t been able to figure it out.” 

No words come out of your mouth, instead, you bite your lip trying to pluck up courage, suddenly the idea of him looking at you made you uncomfortable but of course, now his eyes are on you. “You owe me that much.”

“I-,” You place the glass of water down and grip the counter behind you tightly, “I…I didn’t get into any colleges that I applied for, none near Busan. Only one accepted me but it was a few hours away.” His eyebrows are crossed in confusion as he asks, “What do you mean? I thought you only applied for ones near Apollo. We had planned-”

“My grades weren’t good enough to get into any colleges in Busan.” There is a slight venom in your tone but it’s not directed at him but rather yourself. “If I had told you I wasn’t going with you, I was scared you would give up your dream school and just fuck it all off to be with me.” You finally look at him and the confusion is dispelling from his face as you continue, “You said it yourself, you would have gone anywhere if it meant being with me. I couldn’t ask you to do that. I would live with the guilt every day, watching you attend a subpar college all because of me. I loved you Jaeyun I couldn’t do that to you.” 

Jaeyun doesn’t miss the past tense usage of ‘love’ but he rewinds, “So you left our relationship because…it would be long distance?” 

“Jaeyun it wasn’t just that, I did think about long distance but I knew you would grow at college without me, i kept thinking about what you said. The whole slowly breaking away from each other because we become different people stuff got in my head and I couldn’t bear to slowly lose you, so I-”

“So you thought leaving me without a word was the right way to go? Y/N we could have worked it out, we would have figured out a solution.” Jaeyun stands up and walks over to you, “I didn’t mean to pressure you into moving, or applying for the same college, or fuck even making you doubt our chances at long distance.” His hand naturally caresses your cheek as you let a tear slip.

Shaking your head you look up at him, “I was stupid and I didn’t want you to worry about me, you already had so much going on between work and school. But look, you went to college and you grew up, look at what you have.” Your hands gesture upstairs to where Yeoreum sleeps peacefully unaware of what is transpiring in her parent’s kitchen.

“We could have had this Y/N. You could be the one I’m marrying if you just let me look after you like a boyfriend is supposed to if you trusted me enough.”

“I did trust you.”

“Not enough to tell me what was going on when I gave you that ring. Y/N-” He huffs out loudly and drags a hand through his hair. “That should have been your opening to talk to me about all this. I love you so much I would have made long-distance work.” His deep eyes are searching into yours. All these questions he has and you can’t answer or retaliate to any of them. “When I gave you that ring and made that promise to be yours forever I wasn’t fucking around okay? I meant it.” He lets out a dry laugh and takes your hands in his. “Baby, I love you.”

You stand too stunned to speak. Here Jaeyun was after all these years still hopelessly yours. An engaged Jaeyun was still in love with you. You want to let out a laugh of disbelief but you’re frozen. The room is silent except for the annoyingly loud hum of the refrigerator. 

Jaeyun notices how your eyes fall to his lips as he licks them wet, taking the opportunity to lean forward just enough that his breath hits yours. If your lips touch you no doubt know you won’t ever let him go. 

“Jaeyun…”

Footsteps are heard behind you both and you push Jaeyun away forcefully but despite the other presence making themselves known, his eyes never leave your tear-glassed ones. “Baby,” he whispers just loud enough for you to hear but you shake your head and barge past him, head down so the other person doesn’t see you. “Y/N?” Jaeyun calls out, reckless abandonment is telling him to chase after you but as he feels an arm stopping him to a halt he looks up and sees Heeseung. 

“Jake, don’t.”

________

Stirring in your sleep you groan as you hear a plethora of laughing coming from downstairs causing you to take the pillow from under you and suffocate your ears with it. After last night’s tragic events you just wanted to go home. Nothing would make you happier than to catch the first bus back to your flat and rewatch every episode of Fleabag to take your mind off of everything. Jaeyun was still in love with you and selfishly you hoped he hated you after what you did, that way your heart wouldn’t leap at every word he said. 

Baby, I love you

You shake the thought away and give in, sitting up and looking around the room. Eunseo is gone, probably downstairs being the reason for everyone’s laughter you think to yourself. With a huff, you pull the covers off your body and immediately feel the cold breeze causing you to shiver. You don’t know if it's a coincidence or not but as goosebumps rise on your legs and arms, Jaeyun’s laugh is heard over everyone else. You missed his laugh so much, your heart had a shot of pain pierce come on so suddenly. There was a glimmer of sun outside that made your necklace sparkle as you proceeded for the door.

It was as if your ears could only hear Jaeyun as you walked quietly down the stairs. “If it’s Yeoreum making him laugh I might kill myself.” you mutter, pulling your hair up in a pony. It’s dramatic but right now you can’t face to see them in love, it hurts. You’re hurting.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Euneo stands up and scurries to the kitchen, grabbing a plate for you, “Mum just made breakfast.” 

“Hey! I helped.” Yeoreum faked offence which Eunseo simply rolled her eyes in response. She handed you the plate before you could tell her you weren’t hungry. “Sit down, Y/N, please.” Eunseo’s mum points to the empty chair at the comically large table, you suppose she does have a large family. 

Luckily for you, the seat was situated far enough away from Jaeyun that you could avoid him, unfortunately, you couldn’t avoid his eyes burning holes into the side of your face. You ignore him and scan the feast of food before you and you wonder if this is what it was like for Annie in Parent Trap when Chessy made a buffet of all her favourites. “Eat up, Y/N, there is plenty here.” Yeoreum and Eunseo’s mum says.

“Thanks, Mrs. Son.”  You pick up a few hash browns and start to eat one. That’s when you become aware of the enemy of all condiments, black pepper. It was a great tool in the kitchen, adding a little flavour and spice. Not for you though, the black powdered devil always makes your tongue itch. Who the fuck puts black pepper on hash browns? You think to yourself, face scrunching and teeth running along your tongue as you pour yourself a glass of water and take a huge swig. It does nothing at all so you go to excuse yourself to get a glass of juice or anything with taste but before you can there is a glass of apple juice placed beside you. Glancing up you see Jaeyun placing the cup with a knowing look on his face.

Of course, he knew. He knew everything about you and with the face you were pulling it was one he had seen too many times at restaurants.

“Why the fuck would they season their food with this, like, isn’t that what these are for?” You grabbed a pepper shaker and started waving it in his face. You had both gotten back from a day-turned-overnight trip to the beach and stopped off at a service station in the middle of nowhere, the diner was quaint with an American feel to it, undoubtedly your favourite kind.

“Princess I think your weird tongue is the only one that would complain.” Jaeyun laughed and swapped your eggs for his bacon. “There, now there is no pepper in sight.” He also passed over his apple juice with a bright smile.

“Take this.” His deep voice pulled you back to reality. Thanking him you take the cup and chug it quietly, but everyone's eyes are on you.

“You don’t like the food, Y/N?” Mrs. Son says not offended but certainly not pleased. Waving your hand quickly you swallow the liquid and explain, “No, it's lovely Mrs Son, me and pepper just don’t go well together.” 

Yeoreum looks at Jaeyun with furrowed brows but doesn’t question it. There is a massive part of him that knows he should have left you to deal with it yourself so as to not raise suspicion but his instincts kicked in. He takes Yeoreum’s hand and kisses the back of it tenderly. It stings your heart.

“So,” Mr Son claps his hands diverting the attention to him, “I thought since the whole wedding party is here we should get to know each other. We will be family once Saturday passes after all.” A groan comes softly from your right and you turn to see Heeseung with his eyes shut. 

“If he makes us play charades I’m passing my best man duties to literally anyone else.” He whispers to you which causes you to snort laugh and bite your mouth shut. You miss Heeseung’s smile as he watches you. He always did love you like a sister despite everything. He knew this situation wasn’t just hurting Jaeyun and after last night he was sure you were just as heartbroken as he was.

“We’re going to have a friendly game of football!”

“Dad, I can’t get bruised before my big day!” Yeoreum exclaims, her arms wrapped around her body to protect her from an imaginary ball flying at her. Jaeyun laughs and rubs her arms, “Reumie I don’t think your dad means you guys.” 

Heeseung’s hand lands on your shoulder as you watch the loving act. They did look good together you couldn’t lie about that. Their energy matched, they would make the most beautiful children to ever walk this earth, and even their sense of style was similar - casual but fashionable. 

“I was going to say 5 v 5, there are enough men here right?” Mr Son starts counting around the table as Heeseung slowly slides down the chair, his eyes hidden behind this hand as he pretends to rub his forehead. 

“I thought you liked football, Hee?” You whisper but he shakes his head violently. 

“Used to. I have since grown a great distaste for it, especially with Yeoreum’s cousins. They’re brutal and leave me bruised.” he mutters the last few words and you laugh leaning close.

“Aw is Hee scared of a little bruise.” He doesn’t appreciate your taunting yet he smiles and rolls his eyes. “You’re almost as good as Jaeyun, you can handle yourself I mean look.” You sneakily point to one of the cousins who is on his 3rd plate of food, “He’s going to be so full he can’t move, stick by him and you’ll look like Messi or something.”

Heeseung laughs out loud, “Oh! Heeseung I almost didn’t count you.” Mr Son claps, “That makes 10!”

Heeseung’s tongue pokes the side of his face as his rage-filled eyes look right into yours. You mouth a half-hearted ‘sorry’ and hold in a giggle. “I’ll kick the ball in your face.” He warns but you’re too busy chuckling to notice. 

Eunseo’s eyes meet yours with her eyebrows raised. Giving her a confused look you knit your eyebrows together to ask her what that look on her face is for but she simply smirks and looks at Heeseung. Fuck. You forgot that was her favour to you, to set you up with the dishy best man. Oh if only she knew. You and Heeseung were so out of this world impossible that you had to fight to hold in your laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” Heeseung whispers and his lips graze the shell of your ear. You quickly turn around and his face is incredibly close to yours. Eunseo must be loving this.

“Eunseo promised to set me up with the hot best man. That was my bribe to get me here.” A shallow laugh leaves his throat and he sits up, hands pointed to his chest.

“I am hot to be fair.” He jokingly smirks causing you to hit his chest playfully. “What? Do you not think so?” 

“I know so. It’s just how cocky you are about it all,” Heeseung’s lips part to say something but you stop him, “If you’re going to make a joke about your dick I don’t want to hear it, Hee.” he shuts his mouth instantly. You missed this just as much as you missed Jaeyun. The banter between you and your friends is what kept you from losing your mind most of your high school days, and right now it’s taking your mind off this ridiculous situation. 

“Eunseo tried it on with me once,” Heeseung says while eyeing her up and giving her a wave. 

“But she acted like she didn’t know you? When she brought you up it was as if she had never met you.” He scoffs as you recall the conversation in the cafe.

“I rejected her, she’s not my type. Plus, she wanted double dates all the time, and don’t get me wrong I love Jake and Yeoreum but they’re insufferable. Kinda like you and hi-” He halts himself mid-sentence and looks at you apologetically. “Sorry.” You wave it off and pretend it doesn’t hurt you to hear before he continues, “I probably shouldn’t say this but if it’s any consolation, he isn’t half as infatuated with her as he was you.” It does bring some solace but you try not to let it sit in your mind too long. 

“I’m not having a great time with it but at least he’s happy.” You mumble playing with your fingers and picking at the skin. Heeseung’s big hands encase your smaller ones as he squeezes them discreetly.

“You’ll always be his first love, just remember that. And who knows,” He leans back in his chair with that smug look on his face once again, “Your next love might be the hot best man.” 

Pinching the bridge of your nose you can’t help but laugh again. “Heeseung please shut up.”

While you and Heeseung were talking, none of you noticed Jaeyun staring purposefully as if his eyes could pry you two apart. He wasn’t jealous, no, he was just wishing he was with you both like old times, laughing with you as if no time had passed. Yeoreum strokes his arm lightly and looks up at him. “Jakey, you okay?” to which Jaeyun hums and turns to her, kissing her forehead lightly. “Never better, Reumie.” Lies but as his lips touch her head he remembers last night and how his lips felt like they had found their way home.

“Okay! Let’s go and get ready for a full day ahead. The game starts in an hour.” Mr Son’s voice bellowed throughout the dining area.

“Come on,” Heeseung takes your hand and leads you to the kitchen, “You’re eating something before you’re tormented by the whole aunt brigade.” Heeseung’s always been so sweet. Whoever ties him down is going to be the luckiest girl in the world.

__

The game had been on for 20 minutes and you can’t escape the daggers coming from Mrs. Sim across the table. Of course she’s mad, you hurt her precious baby boy, you completely understand but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. She liked you a lot before everything went down, always treating you like her own but now it’s like her heart turned cold towards you, a contrast to her husband who seems to actually tolerate you enough to be civil. Meeting the Sim family again was beyond awkward but you were thankful none of them let on to the others about you and Jaeyun’s history. 

“My Jakey is so good at football. He said he used to play in high school.” Yeoreum gushes, her hands clasped beside her cheeks as she watches her fiance on the garden lawn.

“Yeah, he was the captain in high school. Almost got a scholarship but he didn't want to do that professionally.” You say and sip at your white wine and lemonade top. 

“How do you know he was captain?” The question comes from Eunseo and you nearly choke on the sweet wine. Shit 

“Yes Y/N, how do you know?” Mrs. Sim quips and you want to die. You look over at the men on the field and panic trying to find any rhyme or reason you would know that information. Maybe I should put on a strip and join them, a ball to the face would be less painful. 

“Oh, um, me and Jae- Jake spoke about it at the party. Getting to know him and all that.” your words are rushed and your hand reaches for the bottle to pour more wine. Admittedly, this is probably the last thing you should be doing, getting drunk and not running your mouth was never something that came easily. The party of girls nod and accept your answer. You need to be more careful. You don’t dare look at Mrs Sim with the fear of being obliterated on the spot. 

“You got this, baby!” Yeoreum shouts loudly and gains the attention of Jaeyun, his smile bright as he waves, his eyes never leaving yours. You smile back and give him two thumbs up. He starts to wipe his face with the bottom of his t-shirt to gather the sweat. It gives you a peak of his lower abdomen and you feel like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time. 

The mind is a powerful tool and also your greatest enemy at the moment as you recollect every time you kissed down his stomach, sometimes leaving hickeys to mark him as yours. You remember how his jaw would slack open the lower you got, the moans that would fall from his lips as your tongue trailed from his belly button to the top of his boxer waistband. When his dick was pressed against that very stomach you would trace your fingers touching everything but his cock. You swallow hard, thighs clenching together, you can’t think these thoughts but fuck it was so easy.

Jaeyun notices your face change and smirks, biting his lip and ogling at your thighs rubbing against each other just like you used to when you were turned on by him. His eyes dart to his fiances but she seems unbothered by his act. Heeseung comes up behind him and wraps an arm over his shoulder. “Dude this is rough-” he pauses and follows Jaeyun’s eyes, “What you looking at? Yeoreum? Y/N?” he whispers only your name and it makes Jaeyun sigh.

“Let’s just get back to the game yeah? Sooner we beat these old men the sooner I can have a beer.” Heeseung laughs and claps his best friend’s back.

While you're zoning out, your best friend speaks up. “Heeseung looks good, huh Y/N?” Eunseo giggles and nudges your shoulder with hers. “I thought I saw him flirting with you earlier.” You laugh and shake your head dismissively. 

“Nah he was just engaging in conversation.” Everyone is looking at you waiting for you to elaborate, “Oh, it was just usual chit-chat. Weather, work, small talk stuff.” 

Eunseo doesn’t buy your chatter, she’s convinced after seeing you both this morning that you two will be the next wedding she attends. “Y/N, he was all over you at the table!” Eunseo chimes and tries to recreate the scene for the other girls at the table, “He was all like touchy, and your faces were like here!” Her nose brushes yours to which you laugh it off and push her lightly, shaking your head.

“Well I think you should try to speak to him more, he seems interested.” Yeoreum says and you try not to laugh in her face.

Mrs Sim snorts and sets her wine glass down. “Yeoreum, honey, Y/N isn’t his type. He likes classy girls, loyal girls with a good sense of worth.” Ouch. It was probably deserved but shit did that prick your heart. Eunseo looks at you confused but you shrug and don’t pay attention to it.

“Heeseung isn’t my type either.” you mutter. Yeoreum leans her elbow on the table and places her face in her palm as she asks, “What is your type then, Y/N?”

Jaeyun.

“Eh, I like guys who are sweet, um, they laugh at stupid jokes,” You start to look at Jaeyun as you continue, “I like when guys are attentive and know things about you that you don’t even really know yourself because they listen to every little thing you say.”

The girls around the table are gawking at you, “Y/N? Have you ever been in love? You must have been!” One of the bridesmaids asks excitedly. You shrug your head to the side and laugh.

“Once upon a time but that was forever ago.” You slyly look at Mrs. Sim and it was astronomically the worst decision. Her face was overcome with disgust.

Ironically, it’s Yeoreum asking the question now, “Tell us about it. Wasn’t he the ‘one’”. How do you say to her that your love, the one you want to spend forever with, is hers? 

“I think he was but I was an idiot, too young to understand that we should have fought through our challenges rather than me running away from them.” The honesty in your voice is raw and you’re holding down the tears. One of the bridesmaids asks, “How do you know someone is the one?” 

“J-” You almost say his name but smoothly continue without anyone noticing, “You know because there is an easiness in loving someone you know you're going to spend your life with. It comes naturally like breathing. There’s no trying to impress, no hiding parts of you. You both love each other like it’s the only thing you know how to do right. Even if you're apart, when you eventually come back together you slide right back into where you left off. Your love is infinite." 

Yeoreum starts to cry "That’s like me and Jake." The crowd of girls hurry to her side and hug her as she sobs, encouragements from her party saying how they are ‘meant to be’ flood your ears. While they are distracted you wipe a tear, that’s when you feel a hand hold yours. Mrs Sim has a mournful look on her face, her thumb swiping over the back of your hand now seated next to you. Its unexpected but this is a step up from the hateful glares and you’re more than thankful.

Her eyes hold a love for you just like those years ago, maybe it took you explaining your feelings for her to truly understand how sorry you were about the whole situation, opening her up to forgive you even a little bit.

Yeoreum composes herself, fanning her face with her hands as everyone proceeds back to their seats, everyone except Mrs Sim who stays by your side, forcing Eunseo to move to the opposite end. “Thanks, girls. Ugh I just love him so much.” 

Don’t ask it. Don’t ask it. Your brain is screaming to ask her the question that you know would set you off, “How did you two meet?” The words fall from your lips before you can catch them with your teeth.

A smile spreads widely across her face as her whole body turns to you. This is the first time you have properly examined her features and you wish you didn’t. Easily she is one of the most beautiful girls to ever exist, her small face but big features making her look otherworldly, her body is naturally slender, her black hair is long and sleek straight, her bangs fit around her face perfectly, her eyes gleamed with life and love. She was truly perfection. “We met at Apollo! You know the college in Busan?” Her eyes twinkle and you become jealous because in the past 4 years, your eyes have become dull and empty, “He was walking to class in the East block and I just thought he was the hottest guy I had ever seen.” 

Mrs. Sim delicately squeezes your hand but doesn’t spare a glance. Despite her feelings for you, she knows this isn’t easy for you and she doesn’t envy you in this situation at all. “I just walked up to him and asked him out. He was so reluctant at first, saying he was still getting over his ex,” she smiles at the memory, “and let me tell you, after that night he probably didn’t think about her again.” Yeoreum smirked as the girls squealed.

“Yeoreum, as his mother I don’t need to hear this.” Mrs. Sim scoffs, her face slightly disgusted. The bride-to-be mouthed a quick sorry and continued, “We went totally casual for a while, but you know how things escalate, he was in love with me by like the third time I met him.”

You nodded at her as she continued to tell you about her romance with the love of your life and you feel your heart slide its way into the pit of your stomach. It's nauseating how he found a love and you couldn’t even face dating anyone. But you couldn’t be mad, of course not, because you did this.

“Y/N?” You look up to see Heeseung and Jaeyun, both of them with their eyes on you purposefully. Yeoreum grabs Jaeyun’s hands yet his eyes don’t leave your face. Heeseung’s voice continues, “Can I grab you for a minute? I got a-” he pauses to think of an excuse, “I need a second pair of hands to bring out more drinks, yeah?” His eyebrow raises at you to follow along to which you nod and stand up. Noticing Eunseo’s stares you shake your head and give her a small smile. 

Heeseung’s fingers interlock with yours as he leads you away into the house and suddenly you feel like you can breathe again. “Y/N you okay? You looked like you were gonna throw up.” You look up at him, his 6”0 frame towering over you. 

“I’m fine, just asking questions I know I shouldn’t.” You let out a half-hearted laugh and smile sheepishly at him, “It’s okay. How was the game?” Proceeding to the kitchen you open the fridge to pick up the jug of margarita Yeoreum and Eunseo had lovingly made with way too much spirit and minimal mixers. 

“I still hate you for getting me caught, but we beat them so,” He shrugs and reaches from behind you to grab a six-pack of Peroni, “Wasn’t as eventful as your time at the interrogation table. I saw them all grilling you.” You snicker and disagree.

“Nah, they were just asking about my life, the usual.” It wasn’t the full truth but it wasn’t a lie either. 

Heeseung moves from behind you and leans against the kitchen island, one foot propped up on the base of the counter, swinging the beers between his legs. “How was Mrs. Sim? That must have been hard, I could feel her ice-cold stare from the other end of the garden.” He opens up the packet of 6 and hands you one, “Open this for me?” You nod and take it from him, setting the jug down to pop open the lid with the edge of the unit before giving it back to him. 

“I thought I was going to die I can’t lie, but then she was okay, I think?” You question the interaction in your head, “She was nicer to me as the afternoon went on, but I think it was pity.” Heeseung brings the bottle to his lips and sips the cold beer and his eyebrows lifted.

“I don’t think It would be pity, you know she loved you more than Jake, at least that’s what he always thought." He pauses and takes a sip from his bottle before dramatically pulling it from his lips and pointing towards you, "Fuck, didn’t she have your wedding dress practically paid for?” 

This was news to you and Heeseung guessed as much by the look on your face, “You didn’t know? She always went about how she had a separate savings account for you and Jake’s wedding. I think she still has it.”

You look at him quizically, “Wait, why would she still have it? Surely she would have put it to this wedding.” You search for a glass to pour the margarita into and wait for Heeseung to respond.

“Nah, they didn’t pay a penny for this. They don’t want him to marry her.”

“WHAT?!” You exclaim and turn around bug-eyed and mouth open, “What do you mean? His dad was saying all that nice stuff at the toast, and his mum looked like she was bursting with pride when Yeoreum was talking about Jake.” 

There was a silence in the air as Heeseung stepped forward and grabbed your shoulders, “They like her, but babe she isn’t you. Mr. and Mrs. Sim know Jake doesn-, you know what I shouldn’t be saying anything.” You plead with him to continue, gripping his hands that are placed on you, “Hee, please, Jake doesn’t what?”  

Just as Heeseung is about to divulge very useful information, Eunseo walks in with her hands up, “Ignore me, love birds, just came to get the jug of fun,” she spots it behind you and points, “Can you grab me that please?” 

Stepping back, Heeseung grabs the jug and hands it to Eunseo, “We were just coming out anyway, right angel.” 

Oh, you were going to murder him. His face smug and Eunseo’s mouth breaking into a large smile, you grab your glass and head out with them, Heeseung’s hands on your hips and lips to your ear, “Let me give her what she wants.” You turn around, eyes scolding him.

“Don’t even think about it, and don’t think I’ll let our little conversation go either.” As you walk and warn Heeseung, you’re already outside, a pair of usually wide, bright eyes, now thin as they watch you and his best friend joke around.

Jaeyun is seething.

[stayconnecteed]

🪐˓⠀˚⠀late midnight, august⠀@⠀bangchan.

synopsis: second year of college started with a clearer perspective of what being a student meant - more responsabilities, harder subjects and the same level of procrastination as always. but that summer, and the ones that followed, proved that second year of college was the beginning of it all: midnight rides, stupid arguments, hopeful glances and the fire of a first love that never stops burning.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀pairing ★ bang chan x f!reader.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀genres ★ non!idol au, college au, angst!, fluff&smut ; neighbours to lovers, strangers to lovers, exes to lovers, it kind of depends on the part of the story.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀warnings ★ do not trust me, this might hurt a little. as a general warning, i think that works. we also have - as always - insecurities, jealousy and mentions of anxiety&sex (i don't know yet if there's going to be explicit content but there will be mentions of sex throughout the story). swearing, alcohol consumption, college au behaviour. also, chan has a motorbike, and he is a boxer, be careful of that mental image hehe. reader has a complicated relationship w parents. more warnings per volume and chapter.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀author's note ★ this series is entirely for my soulmate moony ( @starlostastronaut ) because she deserves it! today is her birthday!!!!! everybody say happy moony day!!! sweat, blood and tears of this series for you, i hope you like it 🥺🤍

SEE MORE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀general mlist.⠀⠀taglist.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ୨ৎ ⠀ ⠀ 𝖾𝗑𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖽𝖾𝖽⠀⠀⠀⠀𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀when you and bangchan met, the connection was immediate. you were two teenagers in your second year of college, selfishly ignoring all the signs that it wouldn't end well. until you were separated, your hearts shattering at the thought that you would never see each other again, bleeding with grief because the only explanation was that, though you hated to admit it, perhaps it had all been a dream. one from which you had not wanted to awaken, and which had turned into a nightmare, the butterflies that had once fluttered their delicate wings over your lips turning into the deadliest of poisons, withering like dry leaves at the bottom of an abandoned vase. Perhaps there was hope, however, when you heard his voice in the crowd, your eyes meeting like the two points of a compass that had drawn a circle too wide, and though you had to fight against the dread that blinded you, you sighed with relief because deep down you knew he was the one.

★.ㅤㅤ —⠀⠀CONNECTED（ vol. 1 ）⠀❞ㅤ

01 ⊹    boring end of summer : tbd

ㅤㅤ⊹ㅤㅤ —⠀⠀MISSED MAILS, interlude⠀❞ㅤ

★.ㅤㅤ —⠀⠀I HATE TO ADMIT（ vol. 2 ）⠀❞ㅤ

...

★.ㅤㅤ —⠀⠀BABY（ vol. 3 ）⠀❞ㅤ

...

ㅤㅤ© stayconnecteed 2024 ★ do not copy, translate, repost or share this work as yours on other platforms ! consider leaving a comment or reblogging.

[perpetualprocrastinationisme]

Is Ty in Denial Over Livvy?

Artist: Charlie Bowater

I think it's worth noting that what Ty is currently experiencing re: Livvy is not grief but denial. - Cassie Answering Asks on Tumblr

I think this really points to what one of the biggest points of tension in the TWP series is going to be: the denial that Ty might be in over Livvy. This is how Cassie answered a question about why Kit left without saying goodbye to the Blackthorns in QOAAD. But is Ty really in denial? That's what I'm trying to ascertain by analyzing the passages below.

PS. If you do find a ghost, treat it kindly. I don’t think all ghosts mind being ghosts, as long as people are nice to them.

So this is how Ty ended a letter to Emma and Julian in SOBH. I feel like this shows us that to Ty, the real reason that someone may not like being a ghost is that they're ignored and not treated well. So the answer to the issue with Livvy is just to treat her the best he possibly can, to always be there for her. (Also, just to say this, Ty is one of the most sincerely kind characters in the whole TSC universe if you really examine scenes that include him. So, I also just think this quote stems from who Ty is at heart). But is simply treating Livvy well enough? Does that meet her needs? We see Livvy's perspective in GOTSM here:

There was so little to feel. For months now she had been less than a shadow at Ty's heels. Oh, why couldn't Livvy do the same? Why was she the only one who could not return and take up her life again?

While I do think that being kind to ghosts like Livvy or Rupert is important, the primary injustice here is that Livvy gets to be almost human, just without the parts that make life most worth living. Here we see that she continuously feels this sense of unfairness, why does everybody else get to live their lives except for her? Why is there so little for her to feel?

Here's another of Ty's perspectives on Livvy's resurrection:

She said a lot of reassuring things. But it still gave me a cold feeling, which I think is my body telling my brain that I’m afraid. If Julian and Emma found out about Livvy, they wouldn’t just be angry. They’d feel like they had to do something, like lay her to rest. People don’t think ghosts can be happy, but Livvy is happy. She helps me with work and she tells me advice for Anush (he has a crush on Rayan’s sister Nasha) and when we’re alone we play games or I read to her. She can’t do everything but why would being all the way dead be better? Everyone calls it “rest” but no one really knows, do they?

I feel like with Ty we consistently see this idea that Livvy being a ghost is better than nothing. In QOAAD when Kit tells him that he doesn't think Livvy would want to be resurrected Ty tells him that he doesn't think Livvy would want to be dead either. To me, this isn't rooted in Ty selfishly wanting Livvy back. On the contrary, I feel like Ty sees it this way because Livvy has always been there for him, making life better. So, for Ty, what if this is his way of making Livvy's life better? After all, wouldn't being a ghost that can still see be on Earth be better than the nothingness of death? Here's another of Livvy's perspectives to compare it to:

The sun was rising, and she tried to feel its warmth - something other than its brightness. To warm herself. What she would have given to feel that wet velvet crust of the top layer of sand under her feet, to feel the cold grittiness of the sand underneath change in temperature as the warmth of her human feet soaked away. To scream herself hoarse, knowing that no one would hear over the roar of the surf. She squatted and tried with ever particle of herself to pick up a piece of beach glass. But it was a useless endeavor. She had no more effect on the world than a fragment of dream.

I believe this scene really showcases one of the two worst parts about Livvy becoming a ghost: her ability to take action. When looking at Livvy's character in the first two books it is evident that she wants to take care of people and be able to have an effect on people. In Lord of Shadows we see her say this:

"I realized something," she said. "I want to be like you, Jules. Not this second, not right now, but someday. I want to take care of people, other Shadowhunters, people who need me. I want to run an Institute."

And I do realize that Livvy can still help people and have a powerful effect on the world as a ghost, I mean she's already found useful information about the Cohort and TWP isn't even here yet. She's just not able to help people in the way I think she feels called to do. Livvy very much seems like a hands-on, people's person. As a ghost she can't be that. She can't run an Institute, she can't even pick things up. You can very much see that she feels useless in GOTSM. But I think we see the thing she struggles with the most in these excerpts:

You can see ghosts but you cannot see me. Not when I come to sit by you while you sleep. Not when I am in the movements of the shadows across the lawn, or the twitch of a curtain. You cannot hear me, even though I am speaking to you because I have things I need to tell you.

It was wonderful to see how settled in Helen and Aline were, but it was also all extremely unfair, Livvy felt. Everyone else got to come home. Mark. Helen. Even Ty would come home someday. But she would never truly be home again.

Family is the most important thing to all of the Blackthorns, it seems like they base almost all of their actions around each other. I think what tortures Livvy is being able to see this family she loves so much but never being able to interact with them again except for Ty. Never getting to be a big and little sister. It's a vital part of Livvy's life that she has lost for the time being.

I want to say this though, I think it may be easy to look at all of these scenes and immediately say that Ty is in denial about Livvy's true situation and feelings, but I don't think that is true. Look at this scene:

Ty said, "I'm so sorry, Livvy." "For what?" she said. "For doing this to you," he said.

I think Ty realizes what all Livvy is missing, for the most part. I think it also really hurts him. He just feels that what she does have is better than what she could have in death.

All of these scenes also beg this question, would Livvy feel like this if she figures out the ins and outs of being a ghost or if she could show herself to her entire family? Like, when she actually sees the power she has for good in her current state as a ghost? I ask because of this scene:

"Oh, Ty," she said. "I would have done it for you. It isn't a thing that should be done, but I would have done it anyway. And so we would be in just the same mess we're in now. Besides, I think I'm getting the hand of this ghost thing."

Conclusion: I feel like Ty may have been in denial in the beginning but I don't think he is anymore. I also think that Livvy will have an easier time as a ghost as things progress in TWP. I also feel like Livvy has the potential to be a huge force for good, a protector, in TWP and I sincerely hope that happens. However, I do think this will be a major point of tension between Ty and other characters in TWP, especially Kit. I feel that many of them, especially the older Blackthorn siblings, will want to help Livvy be released into the afterlife instead of staying as a ghost. I think the finale of the entire series will reveal the fate of Livvy: whether she can stay as a ghost, has to be released into the afterlife, or gets to come back fully human.

Edit: By not being in denial, I mean that I think Ty understands that he did wrong and regrets resurrecting Livvy. The issue is that he doesn’t regret it enough to talk to Magnus or one of his siblings to try to either release Livvy or bring her back fully. To figure out the best way forward with Livvy, is what I guess I’m trying to say. And also, while I think Livvy could be a force for good and could acclimate to being a ghost, I also think there’s just as good a chance that she could go into one of her more volatile states. This would lead to some really awful stuff happening and could even be the crux of Ty and Kit’s plot in TWP.

Also, sorry for the ridiculously long post, it felt kind of like a really poorly written essay. I hope it was coherent and that you enjoyed it though :) Here's some beautiful Kit and Ty art for the road.

Artist: @camisala01-art

[inquebrar]

Leo and Sunny's "disagreements" are something totally different that has never happened in this way between any of the eggs before, it's a completely new situation and could lead to some character developments in new arcs from now on. but from my point of view, this situation is quite real and unfortunate. i love Leo so much, the dialogue she had about being genderfluid with qFoolish on the first day of school is one of my favorite moments and even though i don't know Sunny very well i still like her a lot and i don't think they deserve to be treated the way they are being treated. it's unfair, and the point is that yes, Leo has every right to dislike another child and shouldn't be forced to be friends with anyone, that's part of life but that doesn't mean she can treat the other child badly. and here's the thing, Leo is also a child but she's almost a year old while Sunny is only two months old if i'm not mistaken, and this is when the way a child is raised comes in and shapes their personality and how they act.

Leo's parents have always spoiled her a lot and that's a fact, qFoolish loves his child a lot and even though he often scolds Leo when she's being very stubborn, it was never something that was really talked about with the intention of changing, everyone just accepted "Leo is like that" and only now is becoming clear how harmful this behavior can be to the other kids that Leo interacts with, she needs to know that it's not okay for him to act as he wants because "that's how she is, so it's okay" "that's her personality" it was like i said, he may still not like Sunny and choose to never be friends with them, that's ok! but she does not have the right to act how she wants based on how she feels, because through actions you affect the other person and there is consequences. and Sunny isn't even invading Leo's personal space or being mean, and when you realize the key to everything: the parents, everything becomes easier to understand why it's happening because i repeat, both Sunny and Leo are kids.

qTubbo recently ended up involving Sunny in his plan to make qFit and qPac break up, which directly affects qRamon (who is also just a child) and with that, it affected the beautiful siblings relationship that Sunny had with him. qTubbo and qFoolish are the only parents present (at the moment) who takes care of Sunny and Leo respectively, they are the adults so they have the responsibility of dealing with things that affect the children which makes everything more complicated when you remember that there's not a single person on that island that is mentally stable to be a parent... but still, this whole situation can lead to great character development, we can see how qFoolish will deal with noticing that Leo's actions are no longer just "being stubborn" and "acting selfishly for silly things" and qTubbo realizing that what he does affects Sunny too and she needs a lot of support instead of isolation. these are conflicts that drive a story and it's okay to disagree with characters' actions, it's part of following something that's entertaining, it's only interesting to analyze things when they are complex to understand and when there are different points of view.

that being said i want happy endings stop the angst it's enough already! /lh

[goyurim]

I agree that sol has loved him and tried to save him selflessly but so has he to the same extent? He loved her in two time lines and will in this third one as well for 15 years selflessly without knowing at all that she has feelings for him, he also saved her life multiple times risking his and is ready to do it again paying the price with his life. The reason she has to go back and save him is literally because he saved her spent 15 years miserable because of guilt he couldn't save her legs and then got murdered for it. No to mention the other thousand things small and big he did for her safety and care in all 3 timelines. I don't think I have seen a character love someone so selflessly or devotedly as sun jae so I have to disagree with you there.

you're very welcome to disagree with me! we don't have to agree on everything anon, that's the beauty of it, as @sunlighthroughthe-ashes so eloquently put it, "the beauty of art and entertainment media is the subjectivity of its interpretation. one little show can mean so many different things to so many different people, and i think that's wonderful."

i think you've misunderstood me slightly though so i'd like to address that - you seem to interpret my statement about sunjae liking sol selfishly as some sort of bad thing - as if being selfish in love is wrong and cannot coexist with being selfless, too. you're absolutely right about sun jae being selfless in the way he loves sol, in everything he's done for her. but he's also been selfish in his devotion to her too, he wanted her to love him back, he wanted to be someone special to her. he gets mad at her in the woods during the retreat when she's been avoiding him like the plague, and even back when she bought him all those self-help books, he shuns her away out of his house by saying "you can't give me what i want so just go". does that make sun jae a bad person? of course not! when you love someone you want them to acknowledge it, that's perfectly valid and true. doesn't make it any less selfish. sun jae choses to be selfish, that's why he ends up with sol, and tae sung does not. tae sung's love, in my eyes, is truly selfless. the kinda love that wants their object of affection to be safe and happy, even if that means they themselves will never be on the receiving end of the same.

to me, the whole "i like you" "i love you" scene was a direct continuation of the scene where sun jae misses his flight and returns to sol after finding everything out. he literally asks her to stop worrying about him and allow herself to like him. sol doesn't respond, she's too overwhelmed with everything that's just happened. the "i like you", this time around, was her response. she tells sun jae that she's listened to him. that she's allowing herself to unabashedly like him. his response being "i love you" encapsulates everything he told her back then, but also somehow something more. when you love someone so much, the lines between selflessness and selfishness begin to blur, bc it's not about doing the right thing anymore, it's about doing right by this person. bc your compass of morality isn't a direction anymore, it's a person. sun jae's verbalising these thoughts to her, through his "i love you". these two have loved each other through time and space, over and over again, and their love has evolved over time. from a crush and a fan, silent and afar, to truly devoted, unapologetic love. but neither of them knew! what they've been doing for one another! all this time! the "role reversal" i was referring to might sound weird to the audience bc we know both their feelings from the start. but they don't! they never got to lay their hearts out so openly in front of one another. they're finally doing that now.

[carmillascrusade]

Something about fun | Vanessa (SB) x f!reader

Images do not belong to me. Summary: Vanessa interprets an encounter between you and Roxy entirely wrong. Instead of just communicating about the incident, she lashes out. Has she ruined your relationship before it’s even begun?

Word Count: 1,377.

A/N: Okay! So, this is different but I really love sad lesbians ( as long as they get a happy ending). Although, I must say this is definitely hurt/no comfort. Also, I tried writing ‘movie’ I really did but it just rubs me the wrong way😔 Hope it doesn’t plan on snowing all week because it’s already cold enough here!

Vanessa watched, unmoving, as you groomed Roxanne’s mane and tail with a standard-issued brush, laughing and giggling with her as you brushed through her fur. Lurking in the shadows, the majority of her features hidden in the shadows of the dim light, the soft artificial glow of the eroded bulbs littering the floor illuminating the bottom half of her body.

She seethed as she watched Roxy nuzzle you with her snout, preening under your undivided attention. What could this… animatronic offer you that she couldn’t? Why were you lathering this mutt in your attention when you should be spending time with her?

Jaw set and fists clenched, she stalked off from the race track back up to the security room where she would undoubtedly spend the rest of her shift moping.

Roxanne was good company when you couldn’t find Vanessa. Sure, she had a large ego but it only hid her deep rotted insecurities about not being good enough. After an eventful race around the track Roxy’s hair had become wild; pitted with dirt and grime.

Her pitiful attempts of grooming herself without a mirror caught your attention. And what type of person would you be if you didn’t help a person, or animatronic, in need?

Unbeknownst to you, though, Vanessa was watching the interaction between you and Roxy from afar; interpreting the situation as you flirting with the animatronic rather than what it actually was.

You hastily made your way up to the security office, steps quick and light, hoping that Vanessa would be there sitting behind the monitors. The plaza hummed with the cries of children long dead. No matter how long you worked at the plaza, it would always be unsettling once all the children left.

Sighing in relief as you neared the door to the security office, you swiftly closed the distance between the red door and yourself. Rain pattered gently against the fogged-up window of the security office, buffering out the soft hum of the electricity powering the office and the trepidation that lay within the secrets of the plaza.

To your utmost joy, Vanessa sat behind the security monitors. As still as a statue. You frowned in confusion. Usually, Vanessa will turn and greet you with a smile or greeting. Perhaps she was asleep? Or something had upset her? Whatever it may be you were determined to get to the bottom of it.

“Vanessa?” You started, approaching her like a mouse would a trap; desperate to be close, to gain the reward offered, but fearful of the consequences said action may have. “I haven’t seen you at all today. Have you been in here the whole shift?”

Vanessa hummed slightly as you nervously tapped your knuckles beside her on the table. She didn’t want to speak to you. All you would speak about was Roxy and how great she is! Vanessa wouldn’t be able to stand your ramblings about the wolf, for she so selfishly wanted you all to herself. If she couldn’t be the one to make you happy, why should you be?

“You know,” you bumped her shoulder with yours, hoping that she’d face you. She didn’t. “I was thinking we could order pizza and watch a film? I won’t tell management if you don’t.” You joked slightly.

Vanessa wasn’t having any of it. How could you come up here acting all lovey-dovey to her when you had been flaunting yourself at another woman - an animatronic nonetheless- not even 20 minutes ago?!

She finally turned to face you, ready to give you a piece of her mind, but as she turned and saw your hopeful eyes all the fight left her. She felt utterly defeated as she mumbled a quick “Why don’t you get pizza with Roxanne?”

“Roxy? Why would I get pizza with her when I asked you? Besides, don’t be so silly Ness, you know the animatronics can’t eat human food. It’ll get them all gunked up!” You giggled at the foolishness of it all. Feeding pizza to Roxy!

Vanessa’s cheeks became rose-tinted as she reflected on her last sentence. Here you were wanting to spend time with her. Why was she pushing you into another’s arms instead of rejoicing in the knowledge that you had deemed her worthy of eating pizza and watching a film with.

“Pepperoni?” You grinned at her subtle agreement to your proposal. Still smiling, you leaned down and wrapped her in your arms, cheek resting on top of her hair. “You gonna tell me what’s the matter now?”

Vanessa relished in the proximity and hugged slightly at your question. Of course, she knew you were going to ask, but did it have to be so soon? She pulled you closer to her, arms wrapping around your waist and resting lightly on your lower back.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” She spat. Concern flooded your senses as you heard her tone of voice. You pulled back from her embrace slightly, just enough to look at her, and turned her face towards you. Vanessa’s eyes were averted; her nose scrunched up, her lips in an adorable pout and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Whatever had gotten you in such a foul mood, Ness?” You chided softly. Her bad mood was not to be taken out on you. She should know that by now.

She pulled out of your grasp and buried her face in your stomach. Her mumbling was barely audible but the security office was quiet enough for you to hear her clearly. “It’s silly and stupid and you don’t have to listen to it.”

Tutting softly, you ran your hands through the ends of her ponytail. “It’s not silly or stupid if it’s upsetting you, Vanessa.” You whispered.

“I- I saw you and Roxy together.” She stated it as if she knew a secret you were hiding.

“And?” You didn’t understand what she was getting at.

“Well, I don’t think it’s appropriate to be flirting with the animatronics. That’s all.”

“Flirting?!” You ask incredulously. How lonely does she think you to be for you to flirt with an animatronic? “First of all, Vanessa,” you snarl as you pull out of her grip.

“ I would not flirt with the animatronics under any conditions. Roxy needed my help and I provided it. Secondly,” you huffed in irritation “who I flirt with has nothing to do with you, and I don’t appreciate you jumping to conclusions.”

To say you were seething would be an understatement. How dare she suggest you were doing anything other than engaging in platonic fun with Roxy? What angers you more is the fact that she knows, deep down, you would never do anything of the sort. So why was you acting the way she was?

Vanessa lashed out at you because it’s easier to fight than be vulnerable. Easier than saying she needs love and a chance to prove to you just how good of a spouse she can be because doing so would mean admitting how much she needs you to survive. For Vanessa’s soul was a meadow and you every flower and petal found within. You were the cosy blanket draped across her on a nippy night. You were her sun, her world revolved around you.

But as she watched you storm out, torch in hand and an aggressive touch to your step she wondered if she had ruined it all between the two of you. Accusing you of something she knew you’d never do was starting to gnaw at her. Clawing at Vanessa’s heart, holding it hostage in its merciless claw-like grip. She had failed herself, but most importantly, she had failed you.

Soft sniffles came from her hunched form in the centre of the room as she realised how significant the consequences of her actions truly were. If only she could communicate her emotions properly. To tell you that she wasn’t upset at you, but jealous and afraid that you didn’t hold her as dear as she did you. Unable to leave things on bad terms, she stood from the chair and cried her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt. She had to find you.

She had to make things right.

Hopefully, you will forgive her.

A/NII: Would anybody be interested in a part 2 or should I just leave it there? Fun fact, I don’t like pizza.

[loz-furbies]

Spirit Tracks Zelda

We've reached the surprise S-tier Zelda!

Design

Her princess look is the usual reused Toon design again, and this time it bothers me extra much since the game goes out of its way to namedrop Tetra as her ancestor. If you actively want me to think of multiple Zeldas in one game, you should give them different looks!

The Phantom design isn't really what I'm usually into, but it is cute when she retains her princess personality even when using a hulking suit of armour, and the Phantom isn't made any girlier (other than a slight pinkish purple colour scheme) just because a girl is controlling it. Though I wonder how much that is affected by the risk that little boys wouldn't want to play the game if the cover art had a girly suit of armour on it.

Character

The Sprit Tracks Zelda probably has more screen presence than the other Zeldas put together, and the extensive screen time is also luckily used to make her a more interesting character.

She starts out already as a mature and responsible ruler of her people (there's no king in this game), which I think is a bit of a missed opportunity, as you could give her more character development if she wasn't already so competent at her job. Regardless, the plot starts to happen and the bad guys steal her body to use it as a vessel for the resident big bad, and her now disembodied spirit gets to show quite the range of emotions and participate in comedic scenes as well. Like her horror at having her body kidnapped for end boss resurrection is played for laughs, because her first thought is just that the whole idea is gross.

Once her body is stolen, she gets both incredibly motivated to get it back, and starts bossing other characters around while she just sits back. One of the funniest scenes in the story is when she gets closer and closer to Link's face with each sentence as she pushes him to take the job. When the mentor character Anjean says that Link needs a companion, Zelda first goes through every NPC she knows, and Anjean has to be the one to suggest that Zelda go herself.

The way she is depicted about this changes more sympathetic once she starts to look just really helpless about the situation and that her not taking more action was more about that she didn't think there was anything she could do than just selfishly demanding others to do all the work. When it's eventually settled that she'll be the one to join Link, we end the scene with Link's exasperated sigh, which does give the whole thing a somewhat "great, now we need to drag this useless annoying girl along" vibe.

For the most of the game, Zelda has a friendly and cheerful personality, and feels more energetic than many of the other Zeldas. The opening credits where she flies alongside Link's train are so cute! One of her lines when boarding the train is an excited "Aaall aboooard!" too, which I was always happy to see.

She keeps her personality in her Phantom form too, so we get to see the Phantom do a giddy pose and say lines like "eeek!" and "hee hee". And while she initially complains how unpleasant being inside hot scrap metal is, she quickly becomes excited at her new power, and starts the Phantom gameplay sections confident that together they'll be able to get through. Once she takes part in a mini boss battle she even gets a little cocky and comments how good it was that she was there to help, but this doesn't lead to any plot line about her being overconfident or anything like that.

At first Zelda appears more concerned about getting her body back than preventing the end boss from taking over the world. Also after Anjean has done the "you two escape, I'll hold the enemy back" mentor thing, Zelda expresses vague worry. The player then gets to ask if she means Anjean, and Zelda's response is a pretty dismissive "oh right, her too", which felt really weird because this is pretty late in the game and she should have bonded with Anjean more at that point and shows concern for other characters at multiple points. While she is clearly heroic in the grand finale, I wish the plot line about her initially selfish motives (or I mean I think it's pretty fair for her to want her body back but she's portrayed somewhat flippant about it) had gotten a more concrete wrap up.

Another thing that quite didn't hit the mark is the possibility that even if they manage to drive the end boss out of Zelda's body, she might not be able to return to it. Zelda is understandably worried, but all this amounts to is one encouraging line from Link/the player. This does get some payoff when she is actually incapable of entering her body again and only manages to pull it off after a pep talk from a villain-turned-ally, so the plot line isn't completely pointless. But it does feel like it sort of fizzles out.

Other notable characteristics about Zelda are that she's ready to work with the aforementioned villain ally so she appears pretty forgiving, and also shows a dorky side of herself when she starts shadowboxing the air when she claims she'll "have words" with him later. She can also stand her ground and talk back when the situation requires it, and Anjean notes that she's feisty like Tetra.

It's also nice that Zelda gets some lines to just talk about herself, like that she used to visit the ocean world village during summer and hopes to come back again to swim together with Link, or that her grandmother playing the spirit flute used to calm her down as a child, or that she misses the castle and wishes she ate more of her favourite foods while she had the chance. She also hates bugs and tells Link to go to the forest village alone, but changes her mind since she doesn't like the thought of waiting at the forest train station alone with the bugs either.

In addition to her dislike of bugs, she is also scared of mice, which becomes a gameplay mechanic when she can't move if there are mice enemies around. Having your female lead get paralysed by fear from the sight of a mouse is kind of stereotypical and I wish they would have thought of some other way, but at least it's set up first.

Finally my analysis may make her seem more selfish and flippant than she is in the actual game experience; in most of the scenes she's perfectly friendly, shows concern for others and puts in the work herself. It's just that some scenes felt somewhat inconsistent and didn't have a proper payoff. Overall Spirit Tracks Zelda is a really strong character with many sides to her, but I do wish her character development was better defined by giving her a clear moment that references her initial inelegant reaction to losing her body and makes a note that she's different now.

Role in the story

The basis of the plot is the usual fare: Zelda senses that something is up, but gets kidnapped before she can do anything about it, and in the finale she does some big magic stuff to neutralise the end boss. But as we know this is the one mainline Zelda game (before EoW that is) where you get to play as her and she is present through the whole game, which makes a huge difference. Her presence makes it easy to keep in mind what's at stake at all times, and even if many Zeldas make great (and bigger/more dramatic) efforts and sacrifices that are essential to saving the kingdom, the player getting to be an active participant in all that just hits different.

Through the whole game and especially the multi-part final battle I was holding my breath for if Zelda would be damseled after all, but luckily that was not the case and she remains playable for the whole thing. The final scene where Link is pushing the sword into the boss's head and Zelda runs over to help really hammers it home that this was a team effort. A+ for that!

During my playthrough I got an unscripted moment where I was running away from an unkillable enemy and Phantom Zelda happened to stand in the way, so she was able to hold the enemy off for a moment while I made my narrow escape. Which was one of the most memorable things to happen in the game for me, moments like that just feel so much more meaningful when they're not in a cutscene. And in the context of the loz franchise it was cute for the roles to be reversed for once since Link spends so much time rescuing Zelda.

Gameplay wise Phantom Zelda is good as well. Or the sections where she is present include a lot of stealth and it's been well documented on this blog how much I hate that, but the puzzle and action parts with two playable characters who have different abilities are pretty fun.

Also a point in Zelda's favour as a companion is that I didn't feel like she was disruptive for the gameplay. Even if an NPC is likable, if they constantly interrupt the player their presence can quickly become a bother, but I thought that Zelda's lines didn't take too much time, and generally she shows up in situations where you would be reading NPC dialogue anyway.

Relationships

This time Link and Zelda aren't already friends, and instead meet for the first time when she officiates his train engineer graduation ceremony, and then requests his help to sneak out of the castle to investigate the Spirit Tower (because you need to go there by train). Which is a pretty logical way to get them working together, like sure she does trust a total stranger pretty fast but whatever.

Their relationship doesn't really get developed during the story, and is mostly just based around the implicit knowledge that going on such an adventure together naturally brings you closer. Zelda does regularly compliment Link for doing well so there's that at least, but I think most of their relationship relies on the player growing to like Zelda through the game and transferring those feelings to Link. They do end the game holding hands, which probably puts them in the top 5 canon Zelink couples, though I'd rather see it just as two friends who have gone through a lot together finally getting some relief; I don't remember anything else in the game that could be seen as romantic. Regardless it's cute that both of them move their hands at the same time so they're clearly on the same wavelength.

As for the other characters, the mentor Anjean feels more of a mentor to Zelda than Link, since she's the one whose emotional state is discussed a lot more. Aside from that one weird comment about being seemingly dismissive about Anjean's fate (or maybe Zelda was sure she was ok and thus didn't even think to be concerned about her safety? That wasn't my reading of the scene though), they care about each other and Anjean ascending to heavens at the end hits Zelda specifically.

The villain's henchman and a former student of Anjean's becomes a somewhat important character to Zelda as well. Once he's betrayed and incapacitated by the end boss (duh) Zelda becomes concerned for his well-being immediately, though it's not really explained why. I guess she's just empathetic? Him being Anjean's former student probably helped. Zelda doesn't directly say that she has forgiven him (not that he apologised), but she does say she has a bone to pick with him after they're done with the end boss in a very non-serious way, so I feel that it's implied. He is presumably moved by this and sacrifices himself in the final battle, and the failure to save him is the big bittersweet moment for the finale. This didn't really do much for me since their relationship wasn't that developed, but I guess it's nice that he got to do something at least.

Zelda's old teacher is also a prominent NPC and the two clearly care for each other, though this doesn't really get explored that much. Zelda does comment that the teacher would have loved one of the puzzles Link solves, and hopes to bring him to see it too. She also has a mutually respectful relationship with Link's engineering teacher and a former soldier.

[jihyocentric]

don’t usually write poly ships with this many members but i was brainrotting

-

the setting wasn't the most ideal — staying on her fours for the easy access was only really working because tzuyu held her hips in place.

jihyo’s body was barely holding up. after hours on stage, all of them were sweaty and sore and undeniably tired, but some of them needed something else. something like jihyo, to use and blow off some steam.

her cheeks were already painted from the ones who left earlier. jihyo can only wail meekly when nayeon teases her about it, entirely surrendered, a mess of tears, cum and sweat, searing on her skin.

“if you keep this pace we’ll never leave,” sana grunts, cock buried in jihyo’s mouth, far from pitying her leader, despite knowing she had quite a lot of members to take care of.

dahyun helped jihyo, holding the leader's hand in place, jihyo squeezing her shaft tight as she fucked into it. dahyun’s cock throbs, feeling the residual load from the members who had already left on her palm.

nayeon was mesmerized, unable to keep her mouth shut as jihyo jerked her off. although she’d already came once, she had to stay and take care of jihyo once everyone had gotten their turns.

“d-don’t treat her like this,” tzuyu calls out, between her moans. she was by far the most gentle out of them, a relief really — she was considerably bigger than them.

jihyo felt at her limit, tzuyu’s tip hitting constantly deep and making her cry out, a raw sound that could definitely be heard by whoever was passing by the hall outside.

being the leader came with a lot of responsibilities. taking care of her members after the concerts was also part her duty, and jihyo was more than happy to help them.

no matter how many times they’ve done that, however, it would always feel like too much, her thighs still dripping with mina’s load and she felt dirty, but that didn't stop her from still wanting their loads.

“unnie!” dahyun whines, all but begging for jihyo’s attention, she’d spent too long sucking sana off and forgotten about her and nayeon. it truly wasn’t jihyo’s fault, as sana had been holding her ponytail and forcing her down on her cock selfishly.

jihyo takes a deep breath when sana releases her, not having much time to breathe when dahyun takes her place, sliding her wet shaft past jihyo’s lips snugly, certainly not as harsh as sana had been.

jihyo’s throat aches, jaw hurting after using her mouth on them for what felt like hours, moaning when she feels a certain warmth filling her up. tzuyu comes with a sharp cry, hilting as she spills her load, hips thrumming against jihyo’s as she makes sure her load will stay inside.

nayeon soon takes tzuyu’s place, sana huffing when nayeon takes jihyo a second time, but nayeon’s argument was that she was older, and so she deserved it. tzuyu leaves right after coming, not even trying to say a goodbye, they were all too busy for such formalities.

“look so pretty on your hands and knees, offering yourself to us,” nayeon coos, smacking the plump skin of jihyo’s ass before nudging the tip against her used entrance. “such a good leader, hyo.”

jihyo moans in response, nayeon’s hands firm on her hips, her eyes watering when dahyun goes a little too deep in her throat.

she does her best to get the younger to come, whining whenever sana would say she was too slow, even if dahyun was clearly enjoying it at that pace. she still ends up with dahyun’s load on the other side of her cheek, the one where the members hadn’t painted.

“fuck,” dahyun moans softly, jihyo’s tongue swirling around her tip, trying to get a taste of her cum. most of them had wasted their loads on her thighs, back and cheeks, and jihyo longed for her mouth to be truly filled for once. “too m-much, unnie,” dahyun pulls away.

jihyo sighs as she watches dahyun getting dressed. knowing sana would probably take her place back, jihyo fears what comes next.

“oh, now we can start with the fun,” sana laughs, provocative, grabbing jihyo by her ponytail yet again, lifting her torso up.

“s-sana…” jihyo mutters, shakily, her voice barely coming out.

sana smiles, coyly. “that’s my name.”

it doesn’t take nayeon too long to understand what sana wanted. she pulls out, sana finds place under jihyo on the couch and makes the younger sit on her lap, sliding her own shaft inside jihyo, and nayeon presses her the tip against jihyo’s ass.

“unnies!” jihyo lets out as she feels the both of them sheathed inside her. they get in easily, jihyo absolutely wet. she still feels incredibly tight, especially when they could feel each other inside her.

“shh, not gonna take long,” sana promises, bucking her hips, jihyo sobbing out messy words, babbling as they fucked her, finishing what had started not longer than an hour ago.

as if sana playing with her ponytail wasn’t enough, nayeon grabs it this time, holding jihyo in place as they pound into her, a pace that made jihyo break, blissfully riding them back, despite not having the proper strength for it.

all it takes is sana’s fingers tweaking her nipples, making her whine and tremble, along with nayeon roughly pulling at her hair, and then jihyo is coming around them, utterly pleased with the intense stretch, blinded by the pleasure.

sana comes right after her, ruining tzuyu’s work of making her cum stay inside, cock pulsing as she watches jihyo gush around her, leaking with their combined essence.

nayeon curses, letting jihyo fall on top of sana carefully, and then she pulls off, finishing herself all over jihyo’s ass. when she manages to gather her senses back, she taps sana’s shoulder.

“you can go if you want, i’ll get us cleaned up and take her back to the hotel later,” she tells sana, jihyo passed out on her lap.

“i’ll help,” sana mumbles, still hard inside jihyo. “just give me a second.”

as nayeon cleans herself and gets dressed, she can hear jihyo’s whimpers and sana’s grunts hitting softly on her ears — she definitely pretends she’s not hard again.

[khaleesiofalicante]

I'm in the feels after reading this. I love how you included David's name's meaning said by the person who loves him the most. It felt like a moment you peeked through the fic.

I'm assuming Luciens' goal always was to dismantle the monarchy so he could have more power? But this time, I dont hate him. I am grateful to him for giving David his choice. His choice to pick Max. I do think he did keep a few of the samples for himself as a backup . Maybe there is a child after all as well. I like that we, as the audience, are aware that because of who he is, that's a possibility, but I'm glad that won't get explored because honestly, once was enough to wreck us all.

Also I remember you mentioning how in the beginning of writing David you didnt think him being a parent would be such a big personality trait of his but it's wonderful seeing that he makes the hard choice always, makes the choice to pick his kids over himself over and over, as any good parent would. For someone who is scared to be a parent, David sure is a great one.

Ofc it was Jackson who started the wave of support for David. I understand David is so understanding of his mother but I felt like what she did wasn't enough, atleast in my eyes. Maybe im being too harsh on her because it is put in contrast with David but I wish she did or atleast even said more in her video.

You gave Anjali and Rafe a happy beginning too. We love a Anjali picking love moment and Rafe being a love sick puppy for her. But it was a really nice moment especially after reading the ficlet you had written on what had happened and how they had started out in the fic.

Was it symbolic that Albert got hit in the shoulder first? Maybe to get hit first right where it had started? It was Lucien who killed him rt. Good riddance ofc. But the parts where he was punished is so complete because it tackles all parts of his psyche. He gets shunned by the public, abandoned by his servants, beat by the boyfriend of his son and then made to realise just what will happen. No pain is ever enough for putting David through what he did but you wrote a very complete punishment scene.

Love Jace and his unwavering loyalty to his family in this as well. It was an amazing fic . Thank you so much for it 🥺

Thank you so much 🥺🥺

Lucien selfishly doing things that work out well for us hehe I guess he's not the worst villain in this fic...

I always see mixed feelings about Coraline and that's super valid. I don't expect people to like her or dislike her. But one thing is she is never important enough to have an actual relationship with David. I am glad he forgave her and understood her but he never felt the need for a relationship with her. If you notice, he even says 'the woman who gave birth to me' and not mother. My boy knows what he wants.

ANJALI AND RAFAEL ENDGAME ALWAYS.

It wasn't symbolic, but I'm glad if it looks that way hehe. And yes Lucien killed him (thank you sir 🫡) And yes I agree there is nothing I could write that would feel satisfying enough for Albert's ending. I try to remind myself that the story is not about punishing Albert. It's about loving David. There is a beautiful quote about this. I'll share it with you.

Uncle Jace has my heart 💛

[relicsongmel]

Was doing some thinking today and realized that one of the reasons I'm really drawn to Kieran is because he's a rare example of a character that's shy (and usually good-hearted) but still has some rougher edges to him.

I feel like all too often shy characters are shoved into being portrayed as either "smol bean who would never hurt anyone and just wants friends uwu" or "brooding loner who snaps at people to cover up the fact they don't actually know how to socialize" with not a lot of wiggle room in between. While I can and do enjoy characters that (arguably) fall into those respective categories, they're a bit reductive in the sense that things are very rarely that black and white in reality. Even the kindest people have a limit to what they can tolerate. They have bad days or respond poorly to events around them that cause them stress. And the same can be said in reverse as well—point being, people are multifaceted and don't always behave as predictably as we'd like to think.

And I think Kieran reflects that dichotomy perfectly. When we first meet him, he's meek, timid, and relies heavily on his more brash and forceful older sister to help him navigate social situations where he would otherwise lose out on something valuable because he's too afraid to come forward and ask for what he wants (like how she has to ask the player to battle him on his behalf). He's often quick to cower whenever she starts to get heated, but he's also not afraid to point out when he thinks she's wrong and sometimes even gets sassy with her himself. He's undeniably sweet and gentle and shows eagerness to make friends with the player, but he becomes much more curt when he notices we're lying to him about Ogerpon. The rest of the Teal Mask storyline shows him fluctuating even further—yelling at Carmine and the player for keeping secrets from him, punching things in fits of anger...then backpedaling and apologizing for the trouble he caused a few scenes later. Spreading the truth about Ogerpon to everyone in the village to help make her happy...then selfishly demanding a battle to see who's worthy of being her Trainer when she has already clearly chosen the player.

After being lied to and suffering repeated losses at our hands (including the Pokemon he's idolized all his life choosing us over him), he leans even more heavily into his bitter side during the Indigo Disk—being cold and ruthless to pretty much everyone around him, but at the end of the day it's primarily overcompensation for what he perceives as his own personal weakness (because he's still just a kid trying to be taken seriously). He's shown to drop the act on multiple occasions—most notably when he's caught off guard by our appearance at Blueberry Academy and at a few points during the Area Zero expedition. He antagonizes the player up until the moment of his defeat and tries to catch and use Terapagos in a last-ditch moment of desperation that ends up going horribly wrong, but after everything resolves he's quick to admit his mistakes and asks the player for forgiveness and if they can still be friends. After the epilogue he's mostly back to his old self, but still seems to get worked up when provoked (e.g. when he yells at Drayton for refusing to stop calling him "ex-Champ" in one of their League Club Room interactions).

And I think this varied and sometimes contradictory behavior is precisely why Kieran is such a cohesive and believable character—because it shows how even kind, well-meaning people may have a hidden darker side that can show itself under the right circumstances. How they might let their insecurities get the better of them. How a shy, timid kid might not have the experience to know how to deal with sudden feelings of frustration and/or jealousy that are far too strong to keep to himself, so he lashes out as a result. How despite all this he remains kind, sensitive and loving at his core and shows willingness to learn from his mistakes. And that is what makes him so compelling to me.

[throamguide]

hi!! do u know why anna decided not to rewrite and publish throam as an original work?

Hi! First off, some background: even in 2017-2018, when Anna was posting about the rewrite and talking about publishing it, she was open about the fact that it might never happen: "A rewritten version might never get published, anyway, so don't freak out." (X)

It also wouldn't be easy to rid it of its fanfiction past, as with something like 50 Shades of Gray (Twilight AU fic) because of THROAM's relative internet fame.

Anna also disliked when bandom people IRL (people she wrote about) would find out about THROAM because of fans bringing it up to them. Which is completely understandable. Because it happened quite a bit. She sums it up well in a heated post from 2019: Choice. And it had to be said because a lot of people ended up referencing, asking about, or even reading THROAM, presumably because of fans: Dallon, Jon, Vicky, Keltie, Z Berg...

Anna also moved away from bandom in general and started writing about K-pop groups (she's still at it!) and hinted at some original fiction. Finleighsaid, her URL towards the end of her Tumblr days, was some sort of reference to an original character of her's (I think?).

While writing this I had a look at the THROAM Fanlore page (which I helped write because my teenage self had no life) and found Anna's explanation as to why she stopped rewriting it:

March 25, 2019

Monday confessionals - I haven’t even had wine or anything. Some juice, though. Is sugar a drug?

Anyway, it is yet again that I have not posted anything here for a good while, and in the interest of Managing Expectations (whose? idk) I thought I’d give an update. Or, nay, a nopedate. (I’m sorry, I’m trying.) When last summer I decided that perhaps I ought to work the trilogy towards publication, I was working part-time and was kind of weighing my options as to what to do in life. (I still am. Is anyone out there a career counsellor? Please send me some help, thanks.) Anyway, I had time to work on the rewrite in cafés after or before work, and I was quite into it! Then I swapped for a full-time job and all of my rewrite efforts, essentially, ceased. I realise now why I wrote the story when I was a student: I had sooooo much time. From 2009 to 2019, I suddenly don’t have that luxury anymore.

So what I am saying is that, from my end, and for now, the project is definitely on hiatus. You know, like one of your favourite emo bands. I don’t want to mislead people into thinking I am actively working on the project when I haven’t touched it in weeks or even months. I don’t know if my situation will change in the future, or if this is the universe telling me to let it go. I know some people definitely want me to just let the story be! And I know some really want to see it published, too. And you know what, if I ever did publish it, people would always just shrug it off as bandom fic, and it’s hard for me to deal with the reality of people constantly looking down at something I love very dearly. So I have my hesitations and reservations, and I have Dean stood at Venice Beach in 1969, staring at the waves and a decade of stardom.

I have always been my most successful in producing and finishing stories when I have selfishly written whatever makes me happy. I suppose the rewrite is not that for me right now.

Thank you for your patience. Soul searching is hard. xx

[animaniacs16]

I was a bit iffy about episodes six and seven of the Percy Jackson series, but episode eight is truly phenomenal!!

It makes Percy’s fight for the gods more believable, and makes Poseidon so much better of a father than he was in the books!

Read below for more detailed thoughts on it:

To start, I do think the Ares fight was a bit too short and didn’t show Percy’s power enough, but maybe they’re saving it for future seasons. I was expecting a hurricane, rather than just one tidal wave. I did, however, like how they showed a little bit more of the gods as Gods rather than just adults, such as Ares turning into his godly form, and Zeus’ bolt and Poseidon saving Percy.

That whole scene with Percy, Poseidon, and Zeus was absolutely incredible. It’s such a terrible shame that we’ve lost Lance Reddick, because he was a phenomenally terrifying Zeus. Toby Stephens, like literally everyone else in the show, is perfectly cast, and even though looks aren’t a facet in this series you can see the family resemblance- it really looks like he and Sally are Percy’s parents. Poseidon has so much more pathos than he does in the original series and he does truly care for his kid- that conversation started STRAIGHT OUT of the books, and the added dialogue was heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. Poor Percy :( Poseidon, unlike the books, seems to truly go to bat for his son and stand behind him rather than vaguely supporting him.

That contrast really strengthens the scene where Percy figures out that Luke is working with Kronos- I like that Luke still trying to convince Percy to join him. However, Percy has seen that, although yes, the gods are petty and mean and treat humans like insects, they can also truly be kind and caring. Sidenote, the fireworks were absolutely PERFECT as a backdrop to that whole scene, and I love that they had Annabeth eavesdropping because it had to hit her hard. Also Backbiter being able to make portals is a good way to explain how Luke is everywhere in the books lol

I also really like this episode was so Percy centered, although I love love love the trio it was great to see Percy’s story, because after all, it’s his journey. He’s stubborn, he’s loyal to a fault, he’s courageous, he’s smart, he loves his mother, and he always does what he believes is right, and THAT is Percy Jackson.

And after all of it, it comes back to Percy and Sally. Percy has always been devoted to his mother, and I’m so glad that we got those scenes of them at the end. Sally is awesome- although she didn’t end up committing murder like she did in the original season and yet Gabe still ended up as a statue lol

I find it interesting how they’re going with Annabeth and this sheltered angle in the show- in the books she had seen movies before- she had seen “Roman Holiday” and I’m sure she knew what a theme park was so for her to not know what Disneyland is was interesting. However, one of my previous complaints was that the trio couldn’t just be kids in the Lotus Casino episode, so when Percy told Annabeth to just focus on being a kid, that made me happy because that’s what I wanted for them in the first place cause these are only 12-year-olds. Also, the searchers’ license being a flower was awesome.

I also selfishly do wish we got a little bit more between Percy fighting Luke and the end of the summer- did Percy just avoid Clarisse? It probably isn’t like him to apologize (Altho he did apologize after swiping Luke who was trying to KILL HIM to be fair). I also don’t really agree with Percy passing the deadlinex because I think it would’ve been just as impactful if they were still gathering forces for the war before the deadline and it still happens like it did, however, it was interesting to see Mount Olympus, deserted, except for Zeus, because everyone was preparing for war.

I can’t believe this book series that I’ve adored since I was a kid is finally being brought to life in such a wonderful manner! While not perfect, this is a phenomenal adaptation and I’m so happy that so many kids and people get to experience this wonderful series for the first time. It is fundamentally different from the book, but the underlying message and morals are still the same and that’s what really matters. Thank you to the whole cast and crew for this amazing show!