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aph-oklahoma-46 · 6 years

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demigod/god au........ Choose any pantheon lmao

//Enjoy. Notes and othersuch things at the bottom.

Deity AU (Personal Bonds)

Emily sat in the tree andwatched the other two children chase each other up and down the riverbank. Shewas quiet and still, well aware she was not supposed to be seen. She simplywatched and smiled. The children were brothers and a bit older than she was.Well, they weren’t really older, but she looked younger than them. She wasimmortal and had been around much longer than the human boys, but she was stilljust a child compared to others of her kind. Carefully, so as not to disturbthe leaves, she shifted her position and watched the game of chase. She likedthis, seeing siblings simply enjoying each other’s company. Which made sense.She was the goddess of brotherly and sisterly love. Any bond between peoplethat resembled a sibling-like relationship, regardless if there was any sharedblood, was her domain. Those bonds were precious to her. She was only a child (bothphysically and by her people’s standards), but she was aware of how precious abond between siblings was, and how painful it was to lose that.

She stayed in her perchuntil the two boys were called home, allowing her to climb down unseen. Shewasn’t old enough to actually vanish, but she knew how to hide. When shereached the ground, she started towards home. It wasn’t too far away (herfather wanted her to stay close because he worried) but it was far enough thatshe could enjoy the journey. She kicked a rock along the path, humming quietlyto herself. Soon, she was lost in thought.

The sound of a twigsnapping dragged her out of her thoughts. Emily paused mid-step, listening. Nothingout of the ordinary disturbed the scenery of trees and bushes surrounding thepath, and as she listened for the sound to return, all she heard was the faint murmuringof the river. Shrugging, she decided she had imagined it and began walkingagain. She had only gone a few feet when she heard rustling, this time muchcloser than the broken twig. She stopped and spun around, looking for anythingthat moved. All around her was still. Just as she let out a breath to relax, ahand shot out from the side and grasped her arm, pulling her off the path andinto the vegetation.

Emily squirmed and grunted,attempting to kick whoever had grabbed her.

“Let me go!” She wrenchedherself around to face her captor and was met with a familiar face

“Emi! It’s me, calm down!”Miles was grinning broadly and covered in mud and leaves. A familiar gleam inhis eye suggested he had been up to his usual mischief. Emily sighed in relief,then frowned and stomped her foot.

“You scared me! Why’d youdo that?… And why are you all dirty?” She tilted her head, taking in herfriend’s entire outfit. He was wearing green and brown clothing and wasabsolutely covered in mud and twigs. Miles looked like some kind of livingpiece of foliage. Miles looked over himself and shrugged.

“Dirty is a relativeterm. But that’s not the point! I’m gonna make another go for the Library, andI need your help.” The Library Miles spoke of was his older brother’s libraryof magic. Alexander was the god of music and magic, and he kept books andwritings from all over the world, along with ingredients and items used invarious rituals and spells. Emily, Miles, and Miles’ little brother, Andrew,were fascinated by the collection of knowledge, mainly because it consisted of magicthat even most deities didn’t understand. Of particular interest to Miles wasAlex’s journal, where he compiled all of his notes and spells. Miles had beentrying to “borrow” the journal for years with the intention of teaching himselfsome of the magic within, but Alex had gone to great lengths to make sure hedidn’t get it. Alex assured Miles, as well as Emily and Andrew, that he would teachthem simple spells himself, but none of them were old enough or experiencedenough to use the magic in his journal. And he had taught them some things, butMiles was the god of childhood mischief; placing a book like the journal soclosely within reach and telling him to keep his hands off was like putting abig red button that said “DANGER” in front of him and telling him not to pushit. Emily and Andrew often aided in his attempts to snatch the book, but Milesalways lead the charge.

“Aren’t you still introuble for the last time?” Emily looked at him skeptically. Miles most recentattempt had ended in him being chased out of the library by a very annoyed andapparently sentient violin, then grounded for several weeks. Again, Milesshrugged.

“When am I not introuble? Now let’s go.” Emily rolled her eyes, but she followed him to hishome.

Alex was with Andrew at amarket somewhere, so the two didn’t have to worry about him coming home beforethey could get the book. Getting to the outer (and non-magical) library wasn’tmuch trouble; the children were allowed to go there unsupervised. The innerlibrary of magic, however, was locked to keep them out. They were only allowedin with Emily’s parents or brother, Angel, or Alex himself, but they stillcouldn’t access parts of it even with a chaperone. When they reached the doorto the inner library, they stopped.

“Watch this,” Miles said,ever-present grin growing. He knelt before the lock and began murmuring wordsin a language Emily didn’t know. Emily rolled her eyes, knowing full well thatthis particular spell didn’t require that, and that Miles was showing off.Still, the lock popped open, and, after checking for any other mechanismsmagical or otherwise, the two entered through.

The room was vast,towering far above the children, and was lit by floating lights of differentcolors. Being a library, one could hardly stretch out their hands with outhitting a bookshelf. There were multiple floors filled with shelves, and itwasn’t hard to believe that this was a collection thousands of years in themaking. Emily always loved coming here. The entire room was saturated with afeeling of wonder. She looked around her, reading titles in languages she knewand languages she didn’t, spying jars and bags and bowls of items she had noname for. If Miles wasn’t there to usher her along, she would probably havespent all day just wandering between shelves.

But Miles was there, andalthough one could never really fully get used to the sense of awe experiencedwhen entering the library, he had been around long this place enough to ignoreits other wonders in his mission for the journal. He took Emily’s hand so asnot to lose her on the way through the library (a very real possibility, giventhe vastness of the place, her unfamiliarity with all of its twists and turns,and the fact that not everything here was friendly), and began across the roomto the stairs. The journal was on the top floor, in a special case. Miles wasconvinced that Alex had put it so high in the hope that all that walking wouldhelp dissuade Miles.

Which it didn’t. The twomade it to the stairs rather quickly, though Miles did stop every now and thento grab an item out of a container. As they stood at the foot of the staircase, Emily groaned.

“Miles, there’s fourflights. Do you know how many stairs that is? A lot!” Miles rolled his eyes andlet go of her hand. He stepped over to a table in a little corner underneaththe staircase and dragged two of the chairs back over to Emily.

“I know it’s a lot ofstairs, but we’re not going to use them. We’re going to use these.” He gesturedto the chairs. He maneuvered them in front of the stairs and took out some ofthe items he had swiped from the shelves. He knelt and brought out somefeathers which seemed to be fluttering and flitting of their own accord,binding them to the legs of the chairs. Then he stood, rubbed some sort of dustonto the seats, and spoke quietly to the objects. Emily recognized parts of theincantation as a spell Alex had taught them. It was meant to make small objectsfloat, though it could be used for larger objects when slightly altered.Apparently, Miles had found the correct alterations, because the chairs slowlybegan to rise as he finished speaking. Emily gasped and clapped.

“Can you teach me how todo that? Please?” She looked to him hopefully. Miles placed a hand over both chairsto keep them from rising further without him or his friend.

“Mm, maybe, but you can’tdo it in front of Alex or you family, because I’m not supposed to know. Now,take a seat, and these things should just lift us right to the top floor.”

Emily climbed into onechair and, when he was satisfied she wouldn’t fall out, Miles climbed into theother. He pulled Emily’s chair close to his and took out some cord to wraparound the backs. This way, he could make sure the chairs didn’t drift apartand that, if they did end up tipping over, he at least had a chance of grabbingEmily before she fell. He wouldn’t forgive himself if his brother or friendwere hurt while helping him in any of his schemes, and stealing from this partof the library wasn’t exactly safe. And of course, keeping Emily and himselfout of danger also meant it was less likely that her father or brother would bealerted to what they were doing. Angel was the god of marriage and children.His and Emily’s father was the god of parenthood. Both had a knack for knowingwhen a child was in danger, especially on close to them. Despite Emily being centuriesold and Miles being centuries older, they were both still children; Emily,because she was simply a child in comparison to their kind, and Miles, because,despite most other deities his age being physically older than he, being thegod of childhood mischief meant heaged much more slowly than other deities. So, while he morally could never purposefullyput Emily in danger, he would admit there was a lesser, more practical reason.When he finished binding the chairs together, Emily tugged on his sleeve.

“Uh, Miles?” Emilypointed above them. Miles looked up and saw they were approaching the ceilingof the first floor. He had forgotten that the stair case spiraled around theroom, therefore opening on the upper floor in a different place from where itstarted on the lower one.

“Ok, no problem. Whatwe’re gonna do is walk ourselves to the spot where the stairs go through thefloor.” When the reached the ceiling, they did just that. Pushing with their hands,they carefully drug themselves across the ceiling. They paused once, when theybegan pushing at different speeds and almost tilted the chairs over. But withina few minutes, they had made it to the hole in the ceiling. Miles reached outand grabbed the edge of the floor, gently pushing and swinging the tetheredchairs out from under it, and they floated through. They did this for everyfloor, and by the time they reached the last opening, both could feel theirarms burning. Still, they pushed onward to the opening, encouraged by theproximity of their goal.

When they reached theopening, Miles once again reached out for the edge, pulling his side of themakeshift vehicle to the opening. Once he felt they were stable and properlypositioned, he pushed them out from under the edge. They rose quicker than theyhad been due to the push, and as Emily’s side cleared the edge, the corner ofher chair was briefly caught under the floor, causing the entire contraption totilt sideways and downward as they continued to rise. The chairs spun, plungingEmily downward and Miles upwards, eliciting shouts from both of them. Emilyslide sideways, toward the ground which was now many, many feet below them, butwas stopped by the tether. However, the spinning, as well as the previoussquirming in order to maneuver, had loosened the rope, and Emily began to slipthrough.

“Miles,” she cried andMiles, who was also slipping sideways, blanched. He shot his hands out, grabbingher and pulling close to him. The force of this spun the double chair around inthe opposite direction, flinging both children to the other side of it. Milesgrunted as he flopped against the tether, then quickly thrust himself and Emilyforward to the floor. Luckily, the current chaos and imbalance had kept thechairs from rising much, and the children hit the ground, forcing the device tofollow as they wrenched off the tether. The chair legs didn’t take this well,and a few snapped off, rising upward without the rest of their body, causingthe majority of the device to drop the last few inches to the floor. Miles,still clutching Emily close, watched the legs rise to the ceiling, knockingagainst the wooden frame. He felt a pull on his shirt and glanced down.

“Miles?” Emily waslooking up at him, pale and a little shaken.

“Yeah?”

“Next time let’s take thestairs.” They both chuckled at that. They stood and looked around the room,eyes finally landing on a table with a large, rather old book resting on astand. Miles grinned and made his way over, Emily close behind him. Both stoodbefore the book, looking upon it with awe.

Which quickly wore offfor Emily.

“This is it? It lookslike an ordinary journal.” To be honest, with all the trouble it took just toget here, she was expecting something with a little more grandeur. The journalwas a drab brown color, with very little detail on the front. In faded ink, thewords “Alexander’s Journal” were scrawled in familiar handwriting. The book wasindeed very old; Alex had started it when he was just a child, noting down the lessonsof his parents. The edged of the cover were frayed and the spine was crackedand broken. The whole thing rested on a humble stand, a simple thing made ofwood and carved with patterns of music notes and instruments. All in all, whilethe book wasn’t exactly unpleasant, it wasn’t very eye-catching, either. Milesrolled his eyes.

“So? It’s what’s on theinside that counts. Your mother looks completely normal from a distance, butI’m pretty sure she’s broken Antonio’s nose.” Emily’s mother was the goddess ofthe bond between warriors, and as such, she was one of the most renownedfighters among their people. Antonio was a god whom she had had several…disagreements with. Emily had never met him, and she was fairly certain herfamily intended to keep it that way.

Not sensing any spells orwards, Miles reached out for the book. When his hand was within a few inches ofthe cover, and spindly tendril of some kind struck out and swatted him away,before retreating back under the stand.

“Ouch!” Miles jerked hishand back from the book, staring at the stand. Emily giggled quietly frombehind him. Growling, he reached out again, this time faster. He received yetanother swat, this time on the rear. Yelping, Miles hopped away from the table,covering his backside and hiding his hands. Emily laughed louder. A voicesounded from the stand.

“Miles! What do you thinkyou’re doing? I’ve told you over and over that you are not allowed near thisbook! You’re not even supposed to be in the inner library on your own! AndEmily, you know you’re not supposed to be here either! Both of you stay rightwhere you are and—” Alex’s voice continued for a minute or so, scolding bothchildren. Judging by the fact the voice knew it was only Miles and Emily, amongother things, seemed to imply that they weren’t listening to a recording. Alexknew they were here, and in all likelihood, he was probably also in the libraryby now, heading to their location. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed the wreckage ofhis chairs in the background, assuming whatever spell he had to alert him tothis intrusion also allowed him to see into the room. Miles and Emily shared alook and sighed. They might as well try to hide the broken chairs and hopetheir punishment was light.

Alex arrived withinminutes, just after they had finished shoving their wrecked flying contraptionbeneath a table with a long cloth over it. He didn’t look happy. Andrew wasn’twith him, which made sense. Alex probably didn’t want to risk bringing thethird musketeer up where none of them were supposed to be anyway.

“Miles, we’ve been overthis so many times. You’re not supposed to be in the inner library without meor another adult. And you’re never allowed in the upper floors! You know thisis dangerous. What if Emily got hurt while you were up here? What if you gothurt? I sh- What is that tapping sound!?” Alex looked exasperated as heexclaimed the last part. All three looked upwards, and Emily and Miles realizedthey had forgotten about the floating legs. They were still tapping against theceiling, blocked from rising any further. Alex closed his eyes and folded hishands in front of his face, taking a deep breath. Miles cringed inwardly.

“Miles?”

“Yes, Alex?”

“Why, pray tell, arethere chair legs floating on the ceiling?”

“Funny you should ask…”

Miles and Emily proceededto tell their tale, knowing that if they lied, Alex would find out anyway andthey would end up in more trouble. To their surprise, Alex actually seemedimpressed with Miles ingenuity. Not that that got him out of trouble in theslightest. Miles ended up banned from all things remotely magical for a month,and Emily was given a firm promise that her parents were going to know what shehad been up to. However, after scolding them a second time and reiterating thefact that they had almost died, Alex did promise that if none of the childrencaused anymore trouble in the library (or anywhere else) until theirpunishments ended, he would teach them some more advanced magic. He thenbrought both of them downstairs and into the rest of the house, where Angel wasalso waiting, and the group agreed to have lunch together before Angel andEmily left for home.

//Emily: Goddess ofsiblinghood

Angel: God of marriageand children

Comanche: Goddess of thebond between warriors

Cherokee: God ofparenthood

Alex: God of magic andmusic

Missouri/Miles: God ofchildhood mischief

Arkansas/Andrew: Wedidn’t come up with an area of influence for him, but I didn’t plan on usingmuch in this drabble, so no biggie.

Many thanks to the ever-so-wonderful @texass-shenanigans for helping me with world building (and coming up withnames for Arkansas and Missouri)

This ended up beingmostly about Emily and Miles, but whatever. Maybe I’ll make an angsty drabblewith other characters for this AU later, given that there’s so much potential. Also,I may do something with a Deity AU again, but with different areas ofinfluence. I don’t know. Anyway, this is long as fuck, but I hope y’all enjoyit.

#aph states #drabble #aph oklahoma #aph missouri #aph louisiana #Deity AU #//these three were the main characters so they get tagged #good god this is long #why did i do this #because i think its fun and apparently im a masochist #however thats spelled #shush KD

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b0ttl3d-up-st4rs · 3 years

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Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.

To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.

Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.

And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.

I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.

I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.

As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.

And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.

My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.

I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.

And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.

Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.

Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.

Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.

Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 4 years

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THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD IS A BAND-AID FIX

gearbox locked zane’s lazy fix behind a paywall

tl;dr: for the love of god, the seein’ dead class mod should be what the seein’ red capstone is and vice versa. also. MORE SYNERGY. also i redesigned all of Zane’s trees and augments for more synergy you’re welcome.

is 1am and i don’t want tomorrow and im angry and thinking about borderlands so this seems like the perfect time to immerse myself in remaking Zane’s skill trees (for the 5th time). mainly because some of zane’s skills are still irking me and i’ve written extensive essays for the bl3 subreddit about the seein’ dead class mod and just playing around with zane’s skills in general, but i don’t think i’ve ever posted here before about it. so here we are. i notice i usually save lore/theories/characterizations for this blog and meta/balancing/gear talk for reddit. not sure why that’s a split for me.

now i’ve remade zane’s skills a number of times, but honestly this was all before the seein’ dead mod was released. then, instead of fixing his skill trees, i wrote a lot of essays about why that mod was a terrible bad decision on gearbox’s part (you can read one of the shorter arguments in a comment from 5 months ago here). I’m just gonna remake the skill trees now with all his current abilities in mind.this post really should be titled: ALL THE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR BALANCING DECISIONS

so imma just talk for a bit about why i love/hate the seein’ dead class mod.

Obviously it’s a god tier mod, and you see almost no zane builds without it, and no top tier, can solo m10 true takedown builds without it (unless ur like, the 1% of masochistic players, in which case i salute you). and while that obviously means its a good mod, it also shows the problems with all his other class mods and his skill trees in general.

They all kinda suck. and that wouldn’t be a problem, bc, hey, the seein’ dead mod is ez to get, just pop on over to the casino and kill a few baddies and they’ll drop like candy. Which is really awesome!

slight problem.

the dlc is locked behind a PAYWALL

now this is a problem because if zane was a top tier character BEFORE the dlc, and everything was hunky dory and people weren’t on their knees begging for gearbox to fix Zane, then him getting a new badass class mod wouldn’t be such a big deal. but the problem was this was gearbox’s solution to giving Zane a buff.

they literally locked a buff for a character behind a pay wall.

I recommend Zane is every single person I try to convince to play bl3, but i always have to add this like, commercial-esque asterisk. you know, terms and conditions or, side effects or whatever. *you probably want to get the seein’ dead mod if you’re looking at end-game play because unless you wanna struggle that’s his only viable play style.

what if they don’t want to buy the dlc?! for real...

There’s also the point that this class mod makes his (arguably) BEST capstone obsolete. so we have distributed denial which literally no one uses because its broken, double barrel which is always traded for seein’ red or more points in other skills, and seein’ red, WHICH WAS MADE USELESS BY THIS CLASS MOD

gsfdhjikdhgdaskjfhgaskdfjh

okay and it wouldn’t even be so bad

IF THEY DIDN’T CHANGE HIS ENTIRE SKILL SET BEFORE RELEASE

like they lowered ALL his kill skills, then they turned Seein’ Red into his capstone instead of Death Follows Close, meaning they nerfed Death Follows Close so it could fit as just a game changer. my poor boy was g u t t e d.

so, imagine this, everyone is reaching the end-game content of bl3. it’s a month or 2 weeks or whatever after the game dropped and people are finally hitting level 50. and moze/fl4k/amara are all killin’ it, and the zane players have to work their ASSES off to do like... 50% of that damage output (now, they did also eventually nerf the crap outta moze and fl4k but the point stands).

so instead of gearbox going: “oh... shit that pre-release nerf was an awful idea, revert the changes guys” they decided to keep him gutted and then they released what was, in my opinion, a kick in the nuts with the maliwan takedown (aka the antifreeze mod, alongside the spiritual driver) ahahahahahaha. what good times it was. (I say this sarcastically.)

man i remember people were soooo livid with that class mod release. well, both of them. zane mains were pissed off (for good reason). “yes, let’s make the people who are begging for a straight damage increase jump through MORE hoops (LITERALLY) for a pitiful amount of damage. oh, also, let’s give their 28 skill point build to the strongest character in the game for free and also make it 10x better”. because it was 10x better than violent momentum (driver didn’t have a damage cap) until they fixed both the spiritual driver and the violent momentum skill. it was the worst of times.

i will note here they did, around this time, let zane have stackable kill skills, but it was only 2 stacks and also it was still *incredibly* difficult to achieve stacks because zane just. struggled to kill anything. I still remember when i grinded the shit outta an antifreeze class mod and it took me over 20 minutes to kill Wotan my first time solo on m4. Not the fight UP to wotan. literally. just killing wotan.

then the seein’ dead mod dropped and i had. a fuckin. 15 minute decrease to my time on killing wotan (5 minutes!!!!). now i am not perfect, and i 100% believe i could’ve lowered the time even more. but that... that shows a VERY CLEAR problem.

they never actually fixed zane, they gave him a class mod that’s stupid OP just to make sure he could hang on next to the other Vault Hunters. it’s just a bandaid fix. you remove the class mod, and he’s back to pre-jackpot power levels (which will NOT hold up at m10, let me tell you).

all his pre-jackpot problems are still here, and that’s why people are not using any other class mod of his. I bet we could have some really fun builds with the conductor mod! but nobody will ever use it because it’s just... not even close to the seein’ dead mod.

So what does the seein’ dead mod do that makes Zane so good?

IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO PRE-RELEASE VALUES

this mod, plus Death Follows Close, brings Zane back to pre-release zane. and i don’t understand how gearbox isn’t putting two and two together and going “Oh.”

it also is a BETTER VERSION of Seein’ Red!!! something players could have had at, like, level 15, but instead had to wait until they hit a capstone! the capstone is completely obsolete at this point. There is nothing seein’ red can give you that seein’ dead doesn’t do but better. Getting that capstone is a w a s t e of skill points.

AND they locked this fix behind a pay wall!!! i cannot say that enough. you don’t wanna get the handsome jackpot dlc?? guess u don’t wanna play zane at endgame then. too bad, so sad.

have i stated that enough? because it still blows my fuckin mind. THEY LOCKED A CHARACTER FIX BEHIND A PAYWALL

djhdgakjhakjdah. imagine playing without any prior knowledge and being like, aw man i love this zane character. can’t wait to get to max mayhem end game like all my favorite youtubers and friends!! then finding out you gotta drop 15 bucks or whatever it is just to actually be able to play at max mayhem level. that is not a skill difference, that is A BALANCING PROBLEM MY DUDES. like. my favorite zer0 build was still viable without the story DLCs. obviously grog > rubi, pimp > lyuda, rapier > law but, it was still fuckin viable.

guh. gufhgufhsdgkfjsdh. it bothers me.

ok so there’s a lot i just went over: my main issue? is that by making Seein’ Red a capstone, they did nothing to make it an actual legit capstone. They definitely nerfed Death Followed Close to make it a gamechanger, but they never gave Seein’ Red a buff to move it from a gamechanger to a capstone. It was the same exact skill. Seein’ Dead is what Seein’ Red SHOULD be and that’s what angers the crap outta me. they locked this obvious fix behind a pay wall (AND a gear slot!!!!!) n ur probably thinking ‘but cruddy this WAS really nice of them to try and fix zane... they could’ve just let him be suuc’ and like, yeah, they could’ve, and it is good they’re TRYING, but also, they’re leaving the people who DON’T buy the DLC high and dry.

keep in mind i DO own the dlc. have the season pass and everything. IM STILL MAD!!!

Zane should be strong no matter what class mod the players want to use. Same with Amara, same with Moze, same with Fl4k. FFS, it is not that hard. CHANGE THEIR SKILLS!!!!!

so im gonna be taking the time to go over all of zane’s skills and shit just to put him more on par with the others (WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD)

imagine the seein’ dead mod doesn’t exist for this. we’re gonna make a balanced character since apparently THAT’S TOO HARD FOR A TRIPLE-A BALANCING TEAM

first things first, the tree with the most fuckin problems:

Under Cover

oh god this tree is a fucking train wreck what the hell were they thinking. good god. my eyes. they’re burning.

not actually, but it still kinda sucks.

Action Skill: Barrier is fine. I would not add the ‘picking it up decreases benefits’ when Zane’s whole schtick is running around fast. You get the full bonus no matter what form it’s in. also, you can hold down the action skill activation button to deploy the barrier directly on yourself.

Tier 1: Hearty Stock is a trap. never get this. so dumb. no synergy with his other skills. Adrenaline is okay, but not really great during end game. Ready For Action is similarly okay. Just a very MEH start to this tree.

Adrenaline: Zane gains increased Action Skill Cooldown Rate. 10% per level, up to 50%. this shouldn’t be tied to his shields being full because if your barrier is down (cooling DOWN)... your shield is taking damage. c’mon now. THINK GEARBOX T H I N K

Hearty Stock: (maxed) Zane and his clone gain 5% magazine regeneration while an action skill is active. This skill stacks. In it’s original state, this skill is such a trap skill. for real.

Ready For Action: i mean, it’s fine. We’ll keep it. +30% shield recharge rate and -29% (why????) recharge delay

Tier 2: ech. Stiff Upper Lip is not that good. Brain freeze is what u really want. Rise to the Occasion is also okay.

Brain Freeze: keep the same.

Stiff Upper Lip: when Zane is damaged with a hit that would break his shield, he gains (max) +20% bonus gun damage on his next shot through the barrier.

Rise to the Occasion: Zane and his clone gain health regeneration. +5% max health/s. Not determined by shield availability.

Tier 3: `screams in confident competence` oh lawd. this skill is good. the accuracy thing is kinda laughable. i tell you, i always thought that zane was originally meant to be the sniper with the Under Cover tree but they decided to swap Zane and Fl4k’s skills. which is why Zane has soooo many accuracy buffs.

Confident Competence: fine the way it is. I would also add, since this IS a game changer, that the Barrier’s damage amp is now 40%.

Tier 4: ew. tier 4. Really Expensive Jacket is literally the only skill you might want to get and EVEN THEN. ugh. Best Served Cold is so pointless. and so is Futility Belt. YOU TAKE MORE DAMAGE WITH IT

Really Expensive Jacket: Elemental Status Effects have reduced duration (-50%). Additionally, Zane is not slowed by Cryo anymore.

Best Served Cold: Remove the cooldown. Buff up the damage at least 200%. Make it an AOE Brain Freeze. That is, the cryo novas stack and if overkill damage is high enough, enemies hit with the novas freeze. Kinda like a discount Frozen Heart.

Futility Belt: HA. Ahahahahaha. Ha. Zane gains resistance to non-elemental and cryo damage (+15%). Futhermore, after killing an enemy, Zane’s barrier gains additional cryo damage (+20%) for 8s.

Tier 5: is oki. My only real complaint is with Nerves of Steel. Like. Seriously.

Refreshment: god tier skill actually. Keep the same.

Best Served Cold: also keep the same. The only change I will make is this: resetting your action skills’ cooldowns counts as action skill start and end.

Nerves of Steel: The longer Zane’s barrier is active, the more stacks of Nerves of Steel he gains (a maximum of 15). For each stack, Zane gains 2% shock damage, 2% cryo efficiency, and 1% damage to frozen enemies. (why shock damage? cryo doesn’t do well against shields.)

Tier 6: *cries in the worst capstone in the entire series* WHO DID THIS. WHY. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU???

Distributed Denial: no. just. no. scrap this whole damn thing. IT DOESN’T EVEN WORK!!!! either fix it COMPLETELY or do something else. My recommendation? Whenever Zane throws down his barrier, his shield instantly begins recharging. If Zane’s shield is already full or recharging, enemies with no shields (or freeze immunity) that touch Zane’s Barrier for the next 10s are instantly frozen.

Augments: why the hell do i gotta place my barrier down when my entire fuckin’ character is about RUNNING. ALSO JUST AS A BLANKET STATEMENT: ALL THESE AUGMENTS WORK 100% EVEN IF HIS BARRIER IS PICKED UP. SO DUMB. a fully pointless restriction.

that last sentence immediately fixes Charged Relay and Nanites or Some Shite.

Redistribution: If his shields are full, Zane can sacrifice 50% of his shields to have his next shot deal 100% bonus cryo damage by holding F.

All-Rounder: Fine as is. Only thing I would add: whenever Zane melees an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and his sliding augment is added to the melee attack.

Deterrence Field: Fine as is. But! I would add: whenever Zane sprints into an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and slam augment is activated.

THAT WAY we can have both slam/sliding relics actually DO SOMETHING. because my god they’re so useless rn.

alright, moving on.

Hitman

Tier 1: is okay. nobody ever takes cold bore. ever.

Violent Speed: fine as is, but we’re taking it back to pre-release values. Max: 30%. can stack 2x.

Cold Bore: Zane gains (max) 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots fired while moving.

Violent Momentum: fine as is, but taking it back to pre-release values. 30% gun damage at default walk speed. Additionally, Zane can now shoot while sprinting.

Tier 2: my boy zoomer needs more fun.

Cool Hand: fine as it is. I would buff his base reload speed up to 20% and kill skill reload to 20% as well. 17 and 13 are such weird numbers.

Drone Delivery: fine as it is. Additionally, Zoomer’s base shots now take on the element of Zane’s grenade mod.

Salvation: fine as it is. I won’t mess with this bc life steal is messy business (coughs in grog)

Tier 3: hhhynf.fdsg.

Death Follows Close: Kill Skill Bonus: +30%. Kill Skill Time: +7s. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer take 5% more damage from Zane.

Tier 4: these two skills are actually p dope by themselves. it can stay as it is. I would MAYBE increase the violent violence max buff up to 20% but that’s just me.

Tier 5: ahahahaha. this skill. just remember, we’re pretending Seein’ Dead doesn’t exist, so imagine how this skill looks next to calm cool n collected. so pointless.

Good Misfortune: Killing an enemy with a critical hit adds (max) 10% efficiency to Zane’s kill skills for 8s. This does not stack.

Tier 6: WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU RELEVANT AGAIN BOO HANG IN THERE

Seein’ Red: Zane has a (4%) chance to activate his kill skills upon dealing gun damage to an enemy. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer now take 15% more damage from Zane.

so why didn’t we make good misfortune the infinite action skill build?? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT CCnC IS SUPPOSED TO DO!!! why have 2 skills that do the exact same thing AT THE EXACT SAME TIER except ONE IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE!!!!!

what happens to the Seein’ Dead class mod if we’re giving its perk to this capstone? I’m so glad you asked. “Zane activates his kill skills when activating his action skills. Additionally, the kill skills activated this way have 15% more efficiency”. look how much better balanced that is!!!! that’s a class mod!!!!!!!!

Augments: these aren’t THAT bad, but they could be a lot better.

Winter’s Drone: Zoomer gains 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots.

Bad Dose: pump these numbers up. Fire Rate: +7% per affected enemy. Movement Speed: +10% per enemy. everything else is fine.

Boomsday: just make this more beefy. fr. It’d be a good choice if it were stronger.

Static Field: also fine. I would again give it better damage output, but that’s just me.

Almighty Ordnance: remove the build up honestly. Like i get the vibe and it’s really cool, but in combat it just DOESN’T WORK. maybe if Zoomer is targeting an enemy, he will unleash the missiles if they are above 50% health after 30s or something. I honestly think these should have a debuffing factor instead of a damage factor (you know, to not get in the way of boomsday). maybe something around 15%? the 1x per action skill activation thing would be easily subverted with CCnC with the changes we suggested, so it could work.

Doubled Agent

ahhh, Blane. Blue Zane. Love ya, buddy. One change: he prioritizes pinged targets. That way you can kinda get him to fight specific people. Also, lower the teleportation timer. pls.

Tier 1: actually p good. could be better, but its not bad.

Synchronicity: Zane gains 20% bonus damage per active action skill. While Zane has an action skill active, he gains a stack of Synchronicity. Max Stacks: 10. For each stack of Synchronicity, Zane gains 5% Action Skill Cooldown Rate and 2% Action Skill Damage.

Praemunitus: Zane and his digiclone gain (max) 30% magazine size.

Borrowed Time: For each action skill active, Zane gains 30% action skill duration. The longer Zane’s action skills are active, he and Blane gain a higher Fire Rate and faster Reload Speed, up to 20%. (the idea is you choose between this or synchronicity bc... either permanent action skills build or fast paced action skills build)

Tier 2: Donnybrook is fun. Fractal Frags is fun. Duct tape mod is a GODDAMN DISAPPOINTMENT

Donnybrook: fine as it is. I might buff the max numbers up to 20% gun damage and 3% health regen. But that’s really it.

Fractal Frags: Blane will periodically toss a grenade from Zane’s stockpile at his targeted enemy (cooldown: 20s). Kill Skill: Blane has a 45% chance to throw a free grenade.

Duct Tape Mod: this skill... why... No cooldown. NONE. Zane has a 1% chance to also fire a grenade from his gun. Kill Skill: This is increased to 15% for 8s (stays at 1% for the whole time, but the kill skill will increase by 3% for each tier)

Tier 3: Actually Quick Breather is one of my favorite skills. this can stay.

Quick Breather: Same as is. Additionally, Zane and his clone gain 25% Gun Damage after swapping places for a short time (8s). I really wanna promote swapping places. It’s really underutilized. they’ve ADDED stuff to this skill already!!! even tho it didn’t work until the next patch. BUT THEY SHOW ITS POSSIBLE TO ADD TO SKILLS!!!

Tier 4: actually a really good tier. a few minor changes.

Pocket Full of Grenades: Kill Skill: Zane gains (max) 15% grenade regeneration for 8s. If Zane’s grenades are full, any excess grenades are shot from his gun with 25% bonus damage.

Old-U: If Zane falls into FFYL while his digiclone is active, he can press the action skill activation key to destroy his clone and gain a second wind. When he does this, he takes the place of his clone. His clone will also drop a grenade when it is destroyed.

Supersonic Man: Zane gains increased movement speed for each active action skill: (max) 15% each. Additionally, teleportation is considered to be Zane’s maximum speed for its duration and 5s after.

Tier 5: oh god oh fuck oh god.

Like a Ghost: Oh god why. Zane and his digiclone gain a (max) 15% chance to ignore all damage while teleporting and for 7s after.

Boom. Enhance: actually a pretty swell skill. I would probably add Health Regen +3% per grenade tho. Blane needs help a lot.

Trick of the Light: bring back the shock damage. Zane deals 40% bonus shock damage for 7s after swapping places with his clone.

Tier 6: oh ngl I actually love this capstone lol

Double Barrel: Zane’s digiclone gains a copy of Zane’s current gun when it is deployed (and all the anointments work and he actually fires it like a reasonable person). Zane’s clone now deals damage equal to Zane’s base weapon damage. Upon swapping places, both Zane and his digiclone deal 50% bonus damage for 7s.

Augments:

Binary System: is okay. Kinda uhhh underwhelming tho. Buff up the damage and also maybe reduce teleportation time.

Schadenfreude: I like this one a lot. Zane’s shield is restored by 100% of the damage his digiclone takes and vice versa.

Dopplebanger: lower the waiting time. I get that u don’t wanna override the teleportation, but it’s really annoying. Buff damage and don’t make it dependent on action skill duration. If this explosion kills an enemy, the clone is reactivated with 50% action skill duration.

Which One’s Real?: I’ve never actually felt this work. Maybe for like 2 seconds? Make it work more like Zer0′s hologram or Timmy’s Jack clones or smth. Maybe give an activation cue? im v lost with this one. Enemies targeting Zane take 30% more damage from the digiclone.

Digital Distribution: 75% of the health damage Zane takes is distributed to his clone instead. The digiclone gains 5% Health Regeneration/s and sends out 3 [level specific damage] shock spikes to enemies that attack it.

literally all Zane needs is SYNERGY. if they can change a few skills, pump up a few numbers, and ffs fix the seein’ red/dead capstone/mod, they’d be in FUCKIN BUSINESS

but no instead

THEY LOCKED THE BUFF BEHIND A PAYWALL.

WHYYYYYY

#>:(#borderlands #im not redirecting my anger im legitimately angrey about this wat u mean #bl3 #zane flynt #but actually this is such a frustrating thing to deal with

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sui-senka · 5 years

Text

We’re all so goddamn tired

Turns out all is still not peaceful in the fandom... because when scrolling through the tags I see this:

@staff you need to help us take action, as our reports don’t seem to work.

@derelict-stranger / the user formerly known as thephantomporg84 up to their same old tricks again. I’ve seen them in the vergil tags doin’ their same old thing, shitting and getting butthurt on the dmc games, and reaching out to writers on tumblr (users kinda like me) in hopes to isolate them like what happened to me and @gottahaveamain.

You’d think at this point that they’d might have learnt something, but no - apparently not. It’s in one ear and out the other, by the looks of it.

So either - they still don’t understand the consequences to their actions and have an incredible lack of self awareness, they are dying for attention, or they’re a straight-up masochist.

My money is on the first one, combined with extreme immaturity and stupidity.

So, @derelict-stranger - here’s a final message, since you didn’t seem to understand the first time.

I’m not a traitor. If anything, Me and other writers are the ones who was betrayed - because what we saw of you was someone who was genuinely kind and took interest in our content, but we were blind to the toxic shit that came out of your mouth. You’re duplicitous, and you only act kind or play the victim when it’s convenient for you, and you lack the decency to apologise.

Secondly - me calling you out has done a service to people who were still getting disgusting anons when you took down your account and didn’t know who they were from. Now that we know that you have your current blog, it makes it all the easier to know that the negativity in the fandom hasn’t left.

Thirdly - me and the 40-50+ people on this site aren’t the disgusting psychopaths that you paint us at. It’s you who’s disgusting. None of us, except for you, have been actively hating on people online or been saying racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, death threats or rape threats on anon to people. We’re not cowards, like you. And if we did, we’d gave the decency to apologise and not use a) mental illness or b) our identity as an excuse. You do realise its hundreds of us, people who are doing great things vs. You - a lousy troll that has nothing else better to do it seems than to shit on people.

You do also realise that as you’ve sent more that 1 message on anon or hateful PMs to all 40-50+ of us, that gives us over 100-200+ nuggets of evidence to give into police as evidence of cybercrime - cause that’s a thing now. To use your own words that you said to me - “ You have no legs to stand on here”. If someone on this site turns in this evidence, then it’s adios to your biochem job, which you kind of deserve - because if you’re gonna harrass that many people, you deserve to feel misery in return. Imagine if your peers (highly doubt you have any) found out - what would they think?

Speaking of misery - if this fandom gives you so much depression and misery, then why are you still here? Like I said before, None of us want you here - and none of us should feel bad for having opinions that you don’t like. You do realise that if you don’t like something - you don’t have to say anything, and that you can scroll away to preserve your sanity. Ah - let’s be real, you probably don’t.

Also - you must be wondering “oh woe is me - why do I get so much hate from everyone” - well, it’s kind of fun to dunk on someone who recycles boring and lacklustre insults, and as you don’t seem to listen to reason anyway, it’s a little bit of fun do deflect from any possible hurt you may have caused us. Sorry if none of us have been pissing ourselves cause of your threats. :/

Also - repeat after me:

👏the 👏first👏amendment👏is👏not👏a👏good👏excuse👏for👏hateful👏comments👏

Just because you have the right to say something, doesn’t mean that you should. There are direct consequences to your actions these days - and the internet is a permanent record of your actions. This will bite you in the ass, someday. Every action has en equal and opposite reaction, so the more you hate on us, the more we take the piss out of you. Simple. As.

For the sake of the fandom:

- install IP strackers to keep track

- block and report as much hate that you receive

- if you are active on the dmc subreddits and the /v/ section on 4chan, block and report as well

-if you have the balls and the means, pursue legal action as tumblr is doing jack, no offense @staff

For the sake of yourself:

- actually log off if you are getting depressed from all this

- stay away from our tags

- stay away from reddit and 4chan

- I’d say deactivate your blog, but as you don’t learn anything you’ll come back anyway

- if you wanna have a clean slate, actually apologise for the things you say to us and maybe, all of us won’t dunk you you no more, but I doubt you will do that.

- finally, 🖕

@sakkajagga @diabeticsugarush

@creepyscritches @brasspetalsx , @fandomhell97 , @breezeinmonochromenight , @kaldea88 , @xalmasyx , @hornyangrybean , @noir-sorrow, @catspook , @xenontrioxide , @zilla-may-cry , @boobble , @vergilshusband @tifaroni , @littlebluewraith , @im-a-clown , @genovaempera , @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy @jestermania , @bunny-girl-sweetseek @darka3363 , @witchkiid , @45 @manadebutt , @magsamaire @brasspetalsx, @fandomhell97, @breezeinmonochromenight, @kaldea88, @xalmasyx, @hornyangrybean, @noir-sorrow, @catspook, @xenontrioxide, @zilla-may-cry, @boobble, @vergilshusband, @tifaroni, @littlebluewraith, @im-a-clown, @genovaempera, @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy, @jestermania, @bunny-girl-sweetseek, @darka3363, @witchkiid, @45, @manadebutt, @magsamaire, @spaghetti-queerghetti, @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn, @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25, @josuke-kujo, @cameguisada, @trionfi, @glitteryhumanfiretrash, @ @creepyscritches, @brasspetalsx, @fandomhell97, @breezeinmonochromenight, @kaldea88, @xalmasyx, @hornyangrybean, @noir-sorrow, @catspook, @xenontrioxide, @zilla-may-cry, @boobble, @vergilshusband, @tifaroni, @littlebluewraith, @im-a-clown, @genovaempera, @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy, @jestermania, @bunny-girl-sweetseek, @darka3363, @witchkiid, @45, @manadebutt, @magsamaire, @spaghetti-queerghetti, @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn, @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25, @josuke-kujo, @cameguisada, @trionfi, @glitteryhumanfiretrash @lewdbunbun, @journalofsparda, @complacentdevil, @infernokid, @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor, @salsa-and-chips, @gemstone-enema lewdbunbun, @journalofsparda, @complacentdevil, @infernokid, @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor, @salsa-and-chips, @gemstone-enema, @spaghetti-queerghetti , @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25 @josuke-kujo , @cameguisada, @trionfi @glitteryhumanfiretrash @lewdbunbun , @journalofsparda @complacentdevil , @infernokid @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor @salsa-and-chips , @gemstone-enema

#devil may cry #dmc #dmc discourse #discourse #thephantomporg84 #derelict-stranger #🤡

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

Text

ACT OMEGA PART 7

THE 19/10/16 UPDATE

Alright hi people. Gotta fun story for you! I’m sick. So yeah, the end. I’m huddled up in my room, experiencing an uncomfortable amount of stomach pain, and I. thought “hey! why dont i just do a liveblog?” and now im here. prepare youreselves, we’ve got a whole 4 pages today! lets just get started.

Oh right, we left off with these fellas. Jasprose looks more than happy to bother this guy, and Erisol looks like he wants to jump off a cliff but cant because he floats.

ERISOLSPRITE: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Jesus, not to good at socializing are we Erisol?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hey you! ERISOLSPRITE: nope nope nope nope nope.

Ok yep, he wants no part of this. I fuckin love Erisol. I mean. The fusion, not the ship.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: HEY!! ERISOLSPRITE: leavve me alone JASPROSESPRITE^2: Stop that. ERISOLSPRITE: fuck thii2 fuck that fuck evverythiing. ERISOLSPRITE: and fuck you e2peciially.

Ok guys I’m relating to Erisol on an uncomfortable level. Also this conversation so far is golden. 10/10.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I said stop it! ERISOLSPRITE: iill do wwhatever the fuck ii wwant. ERISOLSPRITE: wwho the hell evven are you anywway? JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s my line! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you have any idea how baffling it is to have some random drifter appear now of all times? You’re a complete stranger!

Its just about as baffling as everything else that happens in this fucked up story. PLUS, Jasprose, you were going around looking for fun. dont you be sassy with the depressed asshole for it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, it's a welcome surprise and all, but I'm still perplexed!

Man I wish Jasprose did cat puns now.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Here I thought we were finally done with all the pointless bullshit.

We’re never done Jasprose. It’ll always just keep coming. BUT I GOTTA DISAGREE WITH YOUR CLAIM THAT ERISOL IS POINTLESS BULLSHIT. ERISOL IS THE TRUE FUCCKIN HERO OF HOMESTUCK FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE TO POINT OUT HOW FUCKED UP IT ALL IS.

God I hate that I relate to Erisol.

ERISOLSPRITE: actually forget ii evven a2ked. ERISOLSPRITE: ii ju2t met you and ii already hate evverythiin about you.

Gasp! Could this be black love at first sight?

ERISOLSPRITE: and not the 2leazy kiind eiither. iim talkiing about the mo2t platoniic of loathiin my pump bi2cuit could po22iibly mu2ter.

Oh.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, if you aren’t going to tell me your name I’m just going to call you whatever I want. ERISOLSPRITE: or... ERISOLSPRITE: you could go awway.

Oh my god I feel bad for him. He just wants to be alone to wallow in his own self-hatred/pity. Which is weird, because normally I would hate somebody who wallows in his own self-hatred/pity.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So tell me about yourself, sad sack! JASPROSESPRITE^2: How’s sprite life been treating you? ERISOLSPRITE: ugh.

Ugh indeed. Does anybody enjoy being a sprite? I mean, its great to be alive again (unless youre erisol), but other than that you just become kinda irrelevant. Gotta be kinda jarring to see life go on without you.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, two dull troll dopes in one? What a waste of a perfectly good kernel. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Where did yours even come from? There are precisely ZERO empty kernels remaining in this session. I would know! JASPROSESPRITE^2: The only logical conclusion to draw here is that timeline shenanigans are somehow involved.

Jasprose, thats the only logical conclusion anybody can ever draw. I’m guessing though, that Erisol was just on LOWAS during all that retcon bullshit? I think. None of this makes sense anyways though.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwho knoww2? maybe 2kaiia ju2t got bored. ERISOLSPRITE: but 2ure, wwhatevver. let2 go wwiith that. 2ound2 2en2iible enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knew it! I love being right. ERISOLSPRITE: holy 2hiit, are you obnoxiiou2.

I know, Jasprose is the best kinda obnoxious. It’s like this perfect blend between playful and snarky.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii diidnt thiink iid evver fiind 2omeone ii hate more than my2elf but youvve done iit. ERISOLSPRITE: ... diid ii ju2t 2ay that out loud. de2perate much??

Of course you are, you’ve always been desperate. Also, auto correct is hating these quirks.

ERISOLSPRITE: the fact that ii evven entertaiined that thought and contiinue twwo talk twwo you iin2tead of nopiing the fuck out of here remiind2 me of ju2t howw depravved ii really am, and that the only thiing keepiin me from obliiteratiin my2elf ii2 howw much of a deranged kiick ii get out of my owwn 2ufferiing.

HNN youre so perfectly pathetic I love it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wow, are you a trainwreck or what?

No kidding Jasprose. Like, theres nothing this guy can do to ever be happy.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You know, I think I might actually hang around a tad longer. I happen to find trainwrecks and other horrific disasters morbidly fascinating. ERISOLSPRITE: evvery moment ii spend wwiith you iis hell.

I can sum up this whole conversation so easily.

Jasprose: haha youre patheticness is fucking priceless Erisol: kill me

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then why not leave? I’m hardly chaining you to the spot here, green cheeks. ERISOLSPRITE: ... ERISOLSPRITE: twwoo much effort. JASPROSESPRITE^2: See? Riveting.

He’s already explained this though! he literally just wants to see himself suffer.

Nice panel. thats all I have to say on the matter.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So now that we’ve established you’ll keep up our conversation purely out of apathy and an acute, masochistic sense of self-loathing...

Yes, yes exactly.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Also apparently some form of conflicted caliginous attraction to me. Aint that a doozy?)

HIUDNSA <3 FUcking love you Jasprose.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: How did you end up here? WHY did you end up here? ERISOLSPRITE: ii a2k my2elf that evvery 2iingle day. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, yes, you hate yourself. I get it. Can we please move on? I need details! ERISOLSPRITE: fiine wwhatevver.

Oh wow, is he chilling on the self-hatred thing? who would’ve thought.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii followwed an orange biird guy twwo thiis planet that came from fuckiing nowwhere. ERISOLSPRITE: but then he kept tryiing twwo mumble hii2 2tandup routiine2 at me 2o ii fucked off.

Yep, that sounds about right for Davesprite.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii wwandered around debatiin the pro2 and con2 of fiinally 2elf-de2tructiing untiil 2ome 2ort of wwiindy 2hiit 2tarted happeniing.

Oh cool, John’s big quest thingy. Also, that’s kinda morbid... Like, I get this is part of his self-hating schtick, but he was literally contemplating suicide.

damn.

ERISOLSPRITE: iit managed twwo dii2tract me from gnawwiing exii2tentiialiism for a miinute there untiil ii stopped giivviing a 2hit and movved on. ERISOLSPRITE: then an iindi2crimiinate periiod of tiime pa22ed and 2uddenly you 2howwed up. ERISOLSPRITE: 2tiill deliiberatiin on that explodiing thiing by the wway.

DONT you fucking dare blow up you green asshole.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Prrr prrr, I see! So both you and Davesprite came the same way I did. JASPROSESPRITE^2: How intriguing. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But enough about how; let's move on to why. JASPROSESPRITE^2: So, Señor Fishface, what are your plans? Any unfinished business you might want to attend to? In need of a GUIDE, purrhaps? ;3

Jasprose, I think the last thing he wants is for you to guide him.

ERISOLSPRITE: meh. ERISOLSPRITE: not really. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s hardly an answer! Aren’t you curious about the cosmic significance of your continued existence? ERISOLSPRITE: fuck no. ERISOLSPRITE: iin fact that ii2 pretty much the thiing ii am the lea2t iintere2ted iin. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well that’s just boring. ERISOLSPRITE: doe2 that mean youll leavve? JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let me think about that... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nope!

This poor fucking guy, Like, he needs to ollie outie outta here quick, because his submissive self-hatred is almost making me feel bad for enjoying this conversation.

ERISOLSPRITE: fiigure2. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat2 evven the poiint? ERISOLSPRITE: lookiing at 2kaiia ii can 2ee another uniivver2e frog ha2 2howwn up and relea2ed iit2 vva2t croak thiing. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhich mean2 the game i2 ovver and the player2 are probably reciievviin the ultiimate rewward a2 wwe 2peak. ERISOLSPRITE: 2o there ii2 liiterally nothiing left twwo do be2iide2 wwaiit around for an opportuniity twwo croak a2 wwell. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Now hold on a second! JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m not so sure about that, actually. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat noww?

Hm.. Im not sure if enlightenment is the first thing or the last thing this guy needs. Honestly I think he just needs a break.

pffFHAHA, JASPROSE WITH THE SINGLE PAP AND STARE INTO HIS SOUL

And he just

wants to die.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, while I was ignoring your dismal yakking, I think I’ve figured it out!

Goddammit Jasprose.

ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhat are you doiing.) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I am almost certain now that you appearing wasn't pointless after all! ERISOLSPRITE: (...)

She’s gonna say something that’ll make him feel more shitty, isn’t she.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course, I thought so at first. But then again, I bet Rose also thought that of me when I initially sprang into being only a few hours ago. And I turned out to be fairly important for the final climactic battle, didn’t I? ERISOLSPRITE: (*2iigh*) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I also thought Davepeta was fairly pointless but I agree with them now, that is definitely not the case. In fact their destiny has the potential to be quite grand!

Where are you going with all this? Come on Jasprose, don’t say something stupid to him.

ERISOLSPRITE: are you goiing twwo get twwo the poiint anytiime 2oon. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t interrupt!! ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhy me.)

I dont know man, they just dont see how great you are.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As I was saying. Let me dumb things down for you: Even though it may not be immediately evident how you’re meant to slot into place amongst the great puzzle of causality, that doesn’t mean a purpose isn’t waiting somewhere in the brush to pounce upon your puke green sprite tail! JASPROSESPRITE^2: And I definitely want to be here when that happens.

Is it just me, or is Jasprose giving off Vriska vibes? I’m not sure what she means by she wants to be there when it happens, but it’s feeling like she could start getting all controlling over his “destiny.”

OOH HI KIDS! I’m hoping we get to see some interaction soon. It looks like John’s hanging out at the door, so probably not from him. BUT these other pairs might be interesting to see.

Dirk/Jake: Yeah this one was pretty obvious, I’m not sure with all the. timeline shenanigans, but I’m guessing they’ll need to work out some relationship issues.

DAD/Calliope/Jane: Not much to say on this pairing, other than it might be interesting if we get to see DAD talk? He probably wont though, let’s be honest.

Dave/Karkat: Ohh yis, the gay ship that nobody can agree on. WELL I CAN AGREE WITH MYSELF, and what myself thinks is that they are fucking precious together.

Jade/RoSE OH FUCK: OK DONT MIND ME JUST SHIPPING. Ahem. So THIS is a pairing we haven’t seen a lot of, despite them both being from the same session. WHICH IS INTERESTING, because they have a really neat dynamic. AND ALSO I FUCKING SHIP THEM

Kanaya/Roxy: This should be interesting as well! Again, I’m trying to wrap my head around timeline shenanigans, so who knows how much Kanaya knows about Roxy. But Roxy did the matriorb thing! And I feel like Kanaya is seriously gonna admire Roxy, which is likely going to be adorable.

Terezi/Endless Void: Seems like they’re enjoying a nice staring contest. Even though she’s blind-

ALRIGHT THATS ENOUGH OF THAT! We got a dialoglog to open

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We’re simply going to have to wait and see. :3 ERISOLSPRITE: yeah 2ure wwhatevver.

Waiting and seeing. Oh, I guess that’s not as controlling then. Though it is kinda unlike Rose to stand by and let the game do it’s thing. . .

HMMMmm.. . .

alright that’s the end of thaat. For only 4 pages, I think I made that reasonably long. Anyways, I’m gonna end this now. BYE.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

2 notes · View notes

ua-monoma · 6 years

Text

monoma:

@s-inasa hey. it's Monoma

Inasa:

Oh hello!! How are you doing Monoma?

monoma:

I'm alright. long day haha

Thanks again for all this

Inasa:

Hey relax! I should be the one thanking you

Its been some...lonely, weird recovery weeks

monoma:

Oh...? sorry to hear that

I get that though

it's a weird situation

Inasa:

I still don't get it, to this day, what the fuck happened.

I knew I was gonna be rejected.

But the girl's quirk was brutal anyway.

monoma:

... yeah.

I can clear it up for you a little bit right now, if you'd like.

I was hit by it too (I don't know if you remember hearing that at the hospital) so I've got... experience with it.

Inasa:

That so? I don't remember much of the waiting room. The pain meds made me sluggish.

Tell me about your experience!

monoma:

Now? ... ok

... I feel like with every person it's just really different, I guess....

and, I guess, I was having a really rough time with my emotions, so. they grew really slowly at first. I thought they were kind of just a rash at first? and then some sort of weird welts, I dunno.

they were really hard to take out, too... really hard. kind of impossible tbh...

Inasa:

Mine were hard too. It hurt like...ever had to take blood from the back of your hand? That hurts a lot.

But they didn't grow slowly

They just. Sprouted everywhere

And fast

That bug girl really didn't want to help me at first. I was terrified.

monoma:

At least she helped you. I had to find out from someone else what was even happening

it is scary though.

Inasa:

I still have nightmares of...dull, bored looking fly eyes and flowers coming out of my chest like nails.

monoma:

hah....

I get nightmares too.

Inasa:

I remember...after the surgery

Every time I tried eating something I'd throw up.

monoma:

Oh wow

Inasa:

Like their roots were still there

Yeah. But ! I'm okay now right!? Thats what matters in the end!

monoma:

... that's really scary

... idk

I had the surgery too, but I think they fucked up somehow because it's not... completely gone...

I haven't told anyone that yet though so. Don't go blurting that around. I'm gonna get it handled.

And I'm not trying to scare you in saying that, I'm just... mentioning.

Um. How do you feel? .. Emotionally?

Taking them out is supposed to... affect you... and I've noticed that, to some extent, but, like I said, it's not completely gone for me...

Inasa:

They came back?? Oh no...

Um. In what sense?

In towards...towards Todoroki?

monoma:

... is that who the flowers were reacting to... ah.

Yes

ah. Sort of the same way, really slowly. I had a lot of chest pains for a while and I guess I just didn't connect it to what had happened... And I don't think my surgery was nearly as extensive/invasive as yours.

............................. I guess the only difference is maybe they're more internal now than before... I didn't really think about it?

Kind of trying not to.

Inasa:

You should get that removed, Monoma.

Before they grow violent like mine did.

monoma:

Yeah. I know that.

Like I said, I'm handling it.

Anyway, you and Todoroki.

Inasa:

...yes?

monoma:

...

I mean, what's that feel like? Do you feel better? Or... anything, really? Towards him?

Inasa:

...have you ever felt hollow?

Like there's a void inside your chest?

That's how I feel about him now... its weird.

And I don't like it.

I like..him. as a friend.

Feeling nothing is disturbing.

monoma:

Ah. Just like that?

Just... instantly, huh?

Interesting.

Inasa:

It's just.

I knew he was going to reject me.

He likes a girl after all, hah. He's dating that girl.

So even before I heard it from him I had been preparing myself for it.

Besides, I'm the kind of guy who instantly forgives people?

That might have helped.

monoma:

Would it have though

I think, if there's anything to learn from this mess, it's that you can't just logic emotions away like that...

Doesn't matter if you were prepared. It was still gonna hurt.

Inasa:

You're right...

monoma:

... Forgiveness is an interesting thing to bring up right now

Inasa:

Why?

monoma:

Because... in this case, who would you have been trying to forgive? Todoroki?

... Maybe that's an odd question.

Inasa:

Yeah?

Anyone would get mad at being rejected.

And uh. Especially going through a traumatic experience.

But I knew it wasnt on him.... just on me.

So whatever resentment I could be having I forgave and tried to move on.

monoma:

I see...

Inasa:

Yeah. That's where I'm at today!

...You know Monoma.

monoma:

Inasa:

My senpai, Shishikura. He tried to stop us from chatting.

I dont get it.

You're nice.

monoma:

Ah. Yes, he approached me too about that.

Haha

Thank you

Inasa:

Dont thank me! Its just what it is

I don't understand.

monoma:

I'm thanking you because I haven't heard that in a while.

There's.. been a lot of rumors going on about me, that's all.

He might have heard them.

I don't know what kind of things he said to you...

... I am glad you disregarded them though. At least, enough for us to text like this.

Inasa:

Rumors suck.

monoma:

Yep haha

Inasa:

He said some mean stuff

And that you want to sleep with me.

monoma:

oh goddamnit

Inasa:

But uh. If that's the case I haven't realized yet

monoma:

that wasn't my intention. in this conversation. at all.

again, rumors. of my apparent harlotry.

eveyrone here thinks i'm a slut now and i guess that's spread over to your school too, which is just great.

Inasa:

Oh. Why is that??

monoma:

probably because i act like one.

Inasa:

Well.

That's mean.

You don't act like one at least towards me

monoma:

i'm mean to myself. bad habit

Inasa:

Besides what's wrong with sex?

monoma:

... nothing..

Inasa:

Yeah!

I guess people are just mean. They used to be mean about my height, now they're mean because I got the license late and that i got it as a first year...

monoma:

Well that's just ridiculous

And that's just honestly jealousy

Like, I've heard about you and I've heard about the things you can do. They just hate that you can do them all and you can't

Inasa:

Thank you!

And I apologize for my senpai's behavior!

I'm sure he doesn't really mean it, whatever he's thinking of...

monoma:

I think he does. But I'll try not to be too bothered about it

like I said, it wasn't my intention for the conversation.

... and even if it was, it wouldn't really be his business anyway.

no offense to him. of course

I just really didn't appreciate how he went about all this.

Inasa:

He's a smart guy but. Sometimes he lets his emotions get the better of him.

I remember how scary he looked when he learned that I got rejected. Almost like he wanted to kill Todoroki.

He's protective.

monoma:

I see

Well, he has no reason to be. We're obviously getting along...

Hopefully that kind of thing won't continue...

Inasa:

I hope so too!

About your flowers. Your feelings for whoever they were ...

Are they there?

monoma:

What do you mean, there?

... I still feel for him, if that's what you're talking about

Inasa:

Yeah that.

Ah.

monoma:

I suppose it's a little different now.

I don't...

I try not to think about it too much.

... I really don't like them. The flowers.

Or... feeling, I guess.

Trying to ignore them is what got it so bad last time, so I'm sort of trying to embrace them now...

Inasa:

Why dont you like the feeling? Are you scared?

If so, i get that. Im scared too of having a small crush.

monoma:

... yeah

it's.. really complicated? a little...

Inasa:

Well

If you want someone non judgemental to hear

I'm here! :-)

monoma:

Err.. maybe a little. I don't wanna take up too much of your time,,,

Inasa:

Its fine!

monoma:

ok...

........... that bug bitch kind of hit a bunch of us with her quirk, so it kind of....

It's making everything weird

Inasa:

Oh...

Weird how

monoma:

Well

Everyone can look at your flowers and just make assumptions, right? Based on the color or what's associated with them

And having your own out in the open is bad enough...

... but then you see others, with theirs, and...

I dunno.

I don't like it.

Inasa:

You care about these people. Thats normal!

monoma:

,,,

I guess,,

Inasa:

It'd kill me to see people I like in pain.

monoma:

yeah...

I don't like seeing that on people. like, if I say something, and suddenly, more of those flowers pop up...

Especially knowing what they can do...

And I guess I can't help but associate those feelings with the flowers. I know without the quirk they're not nearly as dangerous... but aren't they?

eh.

Inasa:

I don't know a lot, honestly.

monoma:

mm.

Inasa:

But I understand you

monoma:

... cool

Inasa:

:-)

monoma:

hahaha

:)...

Inasa:

Anytime you need someone to talk to about this

Or anything else

You can talk to me!

monoma:

haha

thanks

You're really friendly lol. it's a nice change

Inasa:

I get the overfriendliness comment a lot!

This time its appreciative so its good

monoma:

I didn't say overfriendly haha it's the perfect amount, I guess

Glad you appreciate it though :P

Inasa:

😄

monoma:

hehe

... obviously the same to you though

especially since you're still in recovery... it doesn't have to be as lonely anymore, maybe

Inasa:

Hey thank you! I talk to my senpai a lot in this recovery period. Someone else would be fun!

monoma:

Haha... fun is definitely one word for it

Inasa:

How would you put it?

monoma:

Ah.... idk,,,,,

It's....exciting, I guess

It's also just a depressing topic haha, so...

Inasa:

It is.

I don't like to remember how it basically took a part of me away

monoma:

... It basically did. Yeah.

It sucks...

Inasa:

...are you scared of loving?

After what happened?

monoma:

Ah... in what way are you thinking?

Because I'm scared of a lot.

I kind of would have been fine with just...losing the capacity for love after this. Because it was all so much. But... I guess... it kind of made me ready for the scarier aspects of it

Or maybe I just like the fear?

... I've been told I'm a bit of a masochist, haha...

Inasa:

In the way. In the way I have a small crush but I'm terrified to act upon it

monoma:

Oh.....

Inasa:

I wouldn't like to lose the ability to love. Love moves us you know? Hot blood on the veins and passion!!

But its. Too early

I mean I had the crush before, just a bit.

monoma:

"Hot blood" hahaha

Take your time, then...?

You have the time, at least...

You don't have to rush into it. You're still getting over Todoroki, technically.... and it'd be better for both of you

Inasa:

You dont have time though

monoma:

...

Inasa:

Your flowers.

monoma:

... are being handled

Inasa:

But dont you like someone? The someone they're for?

monoma:

Yes...

Inasa:

...do they not like you?

Like Todoroki doesn't like me?

monoma:

Um. ... no, I think they like me. Maybe.

I mean, not maybe,, they do. They've...mentioned it, I mean,,

Inasa:

W H A T ??????

monoma:

Wh-what,

Inasa:

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THEN WHAT THE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ??

monoma:

,,,

Inasa:

YOU GOTTA FIX THIS BY TELLING THEM!

monoma:

but im scared,,

Inasa:

You have no idea what I wouldn't give to not have had the surgery!

You have no idea what I would have sacrificed for him to love me back!

You have your chance right in front of you!

monoma:

,,,,it's more complicated than that,,

he already left me once, idk if I can,,

I mean, I do plan on,,,

I was just, waiting, ah, until the time was right...??

Inasa:

You're.

You saw me. That day.

What did i look like ?

I dont know exactly. I just had my point of view.

monoma:

You're what I have the most nightmares about. Haha

You just... looked like you were in agony, sort've... it was like monstrous

Inasa:

That's. That's because he didn't love me.

You say your guy does!

monoma:

...a little

Inasa:

A little is better than nothing!

Even if its corresponded by a LITTLE you won't have to go through what i did!

monoma:

Okay...

sorry

I know I'm stupid about this...

Inasa:

You're scared.

Its okay to be scared

BUT

If you need a hand to hold through this I'm here!

You saw what I have been through

I don't want that...demonic quirk affecting anyone else

monoma:

Yeah ... me neither...

Inasa:

...tell the guy.

monoma:

Okay...

Inasa:

No, really tell him

You're nice, Monoma!

You dont deserve surgery nor what I went through

Avoid heartbreak.

monoma:

Okay. Okay. I'll try to.

... there's reasons why I haven't, but I know those are excuses, so I'll. really try. okay.

sorry

Inasa:

If you need me to help, I will!

In any way I can!

monoma:

... thanks.

Thank you.

um, yeah... I'll let you know then

Inasa:

Okay!

#[[ uwu hanahaki trauma talk time ]]#monoma.log #inasa #hanahaki.arc

0 notes

hgfstreamchats · 7 years

Text

Birdemic

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. caffienatedconfetti: henlo bby caffienatedconfetti: fair warning the first bit of this movie is like 5 minutes of boring caffienatedconfetti: followed by 10 more minutes of watching a guys doing stuff Knock Out: I can live with that. caffienatedconfetti: i havent watched it yet because i'm not that masochistic but i figured it's bids, so caffienatedconfetti: huehuehuehuehue Zephra85: MOVIE NIGHT YAAS Zephra85: Hi everyone! Jalaperilo: I always forget whuch shade of green I pick for my name Jalaperilo: but hello! Zephra85: Same with gray for me thenightetc: So I understand we're in for a "treat"? Jalaperilo: i think we've been tricked by this film lol

caffienatedconfetti: the first 30 min are pretty boring tho idk caffienatedconfetti: i havent seen it, only watched a reveiw caffienatedconfetti: it looked funny Jalaperilo: the first 90 minutes if boring lol Jalaperilo: *is Cardinal: I'm hesitantly ready! Knock Out: Beautiful! thenightetc: No doubt we can amuse ourselves with mockery :) Zephra85: 'hesitantly ready' is a good way to describe the beginning of these streams caffienatedconfetti: it may or may not be worth it just for the """"""special effects"""""""" caffienatedconfetti: those giant airqoutes sink in? Knock Out: The more air quotes, the better. Jalaperilo: so who has seen this film? Zephra85: Not me, never even heard of it Knock Out: Oh, this will be fun. thenightetc: Ditto. I thought it sounded like a video game Knock Out: Go away, bold button. Jalaperilo: be bold Knock Out: Scream everything. Jalaperilo: make strangers on the internet not know if you're being ironic or not thenightetc: I don't think bold is screaming per se. More an emphatic tone of voice, which may or may not be a *little* louder than normal thenightetc: Reverb, maybe. Zephra85: caps is yelling caffienatedconfetti: ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE Jalaperilo: what about bold caps? Zephra85: bold is... a tone thenightetc: Yeah! caffienatedconfetti: IT IS THE ULTIMATE CANTERLOT VOICEW Zephra85: extreme agression Jalaperilo: I'm gonna start a fight with bold capital letters caffienatedconfetti: ON MY WAY TO STEAL YO GURL Knock Out: I'm concerned for the humans involved here. Their lifespans aren't long enough to waste on this movie. Jalaperilo: this is my second time watching it. if i was concerned abour wasting my life, i wouldnt be here caffienatedconfetti: oh dont worry the women in my family live to be at least 100 caffienatedconfetti: i have plenty of time to waste Knock Out: Oh, well, in that case! Knock Out: "Vetnamese." caffienatedconfetti: you mean vietnamese? thenightetc: ...Have you started it? It's showing as offline for me Zephra85: Same for me caffienatedconfetti: what does that have to do with anything? did i miss something caffienatedconfetti: also yeah same Knock Out: Well, glad we caught that one early! Knockout: Is it showing now? caffienatedconfetti: thar we go~ Knockout: Beautiful! thenightetc: There it is! I had to click pause and play but it is now Cardinal: I see it! Knockout: Well, not for me. I have to sit through fifteen minutes of that again. thenightetc: There, there Zephra85: Oh pausing and unpausing worked for me too Jalaperilo: im sure you did something to deserve that Zephra85: but I missed the beginning, drat Zephra85: oh well caffienatedconfetti: primus is trying to get your organs to explode thenightetc: Just scenery shots Jalaperilo: i forgot that the film director tries to be hitchcock like in this caffienatedconfetti: is it working thenightetc: God would it kill you to mount the camera on something instead of just holding it Cardinal: . . . Cardinal: Well, it's a thrill ride so far! thenightetc: ...I'm just saying. Jalaperilo: Zephra, you could not watch the first 30 minutes and you would have missed nothing caffienatedconfetti: this music loop is killing me slowly caffienatedconfetti: AGAIN caffienatedconfetti: WHY Cardinal: help caffienatedconfetti: send help thenightetc: It's the only music they licensed caffienatedconfetti: i';m being held against my will my address is123 help Cardinal: it keeps happening Zephra85: LOL Jalaperilo: the director saw Psycho and thought that was the way that all films should begin caffienatedconfetti: if it loops again i swear to god caffienatedconfetti: KNIFE TIME thenightetc: pfffffff Jalaperilo: hahah! thenightetc: At this point it's like a running joke Cardinal: The music is the true villain of this movie. thenightetc: ...That didn't sound like a car door caffienatedconfetti: and here we see the beta male, going out on the hunt for cheap fast food thenightetc: *mildly unsettled* Zephra85: cronch caffienatedconfetti: OW caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS THIS AUDIO Zephra85: cronch cronch caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS HER FACE caffienatedconfetti: LOOK BOOBS Jalaperilo: i realised I have blocked out 90% of this film as i forgot how angry i got at its *** cinematography Zephra85: what is going on with the sound editing caffienatedconfetti: "durrrrrrr henlo this isn't creep at all" caffienatedconfetti: nice dud ver classy thenightetc: Did she... pay? caffienatedconfetti: stalker much thenightetc: THEN DON'T. Cardinal: how do you think he knew that caffienatedconfetti: ew Cardinal: ha ha creepy Cardinal: stellar acting thenightetc: wooooooow caffienatedconfetti: "hello person ive never met let me tell you everything abotut me" Zephra85: legit tho caffienatedconfetti: "here's my phone number, address, and pin number" thenightetc: they're cutting between different takes of the audio aren't they too thenightetc: Oh my god caffienatedconfetti: wait you saw each other 2 seconds ago why did you say hi again caffienatedconfetti: end me Cardinal: WAS IT nice talking to him? Was it? Jalaperilo: my guess is that they didnt have a boom mic and so just used the camera mic thenightetc: I hope he dies. caffienatedconfetti: IT'S SO EASY TO MAKE AN EFFECT TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE UR ON THE TV WHY Zephra85: the news announcer has the least stilted acting, what does THAT say about this movie caffienatedconfetti: sorry for babbling its just YIVUJGHFH Jalaperilo: hey knock knock, have you ever shown Megashark vs Giant Octopus? Cardinal: ((At some point we should watch THe Time Machine I Found At A Garage Sale. Knockout: I can't say that I have. Cardinal: ((Legitimately the worst movie I've ever seen. caffienatedconfetti: brb getting a seltzer and flushing my dignity down the toilet Jalaperilo: its a great film that should deffo go on the list thenightetc: "THIS MOVIE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEVRON" Zephra85: heh Zephra85: the bf and I do that too whenever there's a lingering shot of a brand logo Zephra85: 'BROUGHT TO YOU BY _____' thenightetc: Although in this case I'm willing to believe they were just eating up a little time there. Cardinal: This movie is killing me Cardinal: I don't care about your big fish, fleshie Jalaperilo: *** off Jalaperilo: one mil in a firm like that? Zephra85: yyyyeah that's not happening thenightetc: Oh. Oh god. Jalaperilo: did no one want to pay the elec bill thenightetc: He's going to come bother her at her work ISN'T HE >:( Jalaperilo: ? Zephra85: hello pufferfish desktop bg thenightetc: *transfixed by the pufferfish* thenightetc: This is an improvement Zephra85: very Cardinal: The pufferfish looks how I feel Zephra85: this pufferfish is portraying more genuine emotion than any of the actors Jalaperilo: the stalker from the restaurant Cardinal: I continue to not like the guy Cardinal: UGH Zephra85: VETnamese eh? thenightetc: Whyyyyy. Why would she go on a date with that guy. caffienatedconfetti: what happened caffienatedconfetti: where's the movie? Cardinal: The pufferfish ate it Zephra85: it's been replaced by this vastly superior pufferfish Jalaperilo: my guess is the mouse got moved to the bottom right corner that turns all windows transparent Cardinal: I'm sure whatever we imagine them doing is more interesting than what they're actually doing. caffienatedconfetti: where's knockout? thenightetc: God, I hope they BOTH die. Both these guys. Jalaperilo: it beans our host has left us to suffer alone lol Zephra85: Nuuuu bring back the pufferfish Cardinal: Pufferfish, don't abandon us Knockout: I'm back, and nothing happened! Zephra85: was... was her ringtone a bicycle bell? Knockout: Where did it leave off? thenightetc: the audio is killing me caffienatedconfetti: that awkwa rd pause thenightetc: oh my god. why thenightetc: This is the worst editing I've ever seen caffienatedconfetti: everything is going great for everyone: news at 11 Jalaperilo: we're ok withnot catvhing up with what we lost Zephra85: legit Zephra85: yeah srsly caffienatedconfetti: that wheeze tho Zephra85: the sound editing is hurting me more than the video editing caffienatedconfetti: this is sexist to both sexes thenightetc: Yeah, that's what I mean. Knockout: I can see why you all preferred the pufferfish. thenightetc: I hope a bird bites his dick off. Zephra85: I miss the pufferfish thenightetc: That's... what this movie's about, right? Eventually? caffienatedconfetti: and aslo, sexist to sexes that don't exist Jalaperilo: i was starting to have a bad evening but the rage i feel at this film has burned up all the anxiety lol caffienatedconfetti: it's a preachy global warming film apparently caffienatedconfetti: oh god please caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: no thenightetc: Why was there a watermelon carved into a basket caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a roof* Zephra85: because discussing the location of the solar panels he's installing is intregal to the plot Jalaperilo: global warming is fake, the earth is flat and new coke was a marketing ploy to boost sales of coke classic! caffienatedconfetti: what thenightetc: *silent handshake* caffienatedconfetti: oh ok caffienatedconfetti: racist now

caffienatedconfetti: loveluy Zephra85: that hug was so awkward but I bet it wasn't acting caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a ffffuking WALL* caffienatedconfetti: THIS IS NOT ART thenightetc: Self-burn! Knockout: "I have to go all of a sudden." caffienatedconfetti: no none cares Jalaperilo: wanna watch tedious superflouous plot that goes nowhere, watch the 4th film of a certain franchise we all like. caffienatedconfetti: which one lol? thenightetc: it's so conspicuous how the background music is just another 15 second loop and not actually something that would be playing in a restaurant caffienatedconfetti: he looks dead inside Jalaperilo: maybe he is? caffienatedconfetti: that or he's planning her murder thenightetc: Her dog, right caffienatedconfetti: close- a cat thenightetc: ...Okay, I was close Zephra85: oh THAT'S her strategy Zephra85: get out of this awful date by talking about her cat non stop thenightetc: Those, uh thenightetc: Those are some slow and unbeleivable birds caffienatedconfetti: 0those certainly are some graphic Jalaperilo: top of the line computer graphics, brought to you by mspaint Jalaperilo: knock, you gonna fatshame these birds caffienatedconfetti: that is a reenscreen? Zephra85: it freaking was thenightetc: Oh god, did they make them slow-motion so they wouldn't have to make as many frames Knockout: Of course not. My spark goes out to those birds. Zephra85: they live a painful existence of terrible animation caffienatedconfetti: bet you 20 bucks theres a support group for birdemic actors Knockout: Classy. thenightetc: Ugh. thenightetc: Now just stand there outside her house all night. Zephra85: oh god that scene change was abrupt and painful caffienatedconfetti: oh god another old lady Zephra85: that's her mother caffienatedconfetti: no why Zephra85: she looks old enough to be her grandmother caffienatedconfetti: poor lady Jalaperilo: shes pretty good at acting caffienatedconfetti: i thought she said her mom wasn't supportive? caffienatedconfetti: ew????? Zephra85: 'marry rich' Zephra85: 'I love your advice mom' thenightetc: That's funny because I keep getting the impression she's planning a black widow thing and that's why she's putting up with this creep caffienatedconfetti: EWEWEW caffienatedconfetti: EWWWWWW caffienatedconfetti: WHYWHWYHWYWB7JHG thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: "THIS SEX SCENE SPONSORED BY IMAGINE PEACE" thenightetc: it's the ringtone they use for those "turn your *** phone off" ads! caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT ACENT WHY????? caffienatedconfetti: AUUUGUH caffienatedconfetti: IS HER NOSE STUFFED WITH COTTON Jalaperilo: "oh i phones you during sex? let me keep talking to you' Jalaperilo: a billion??? thenightetc: "a billion dollars" thenightetc: What a nice round number? Zephra85: oh god stop already Zephra85: these cut aways hurt Jalaperilo: "youre all fired" thenightetc: So they make uh........ database software I guess? thenightetc: Please let that be foreshadowing thenightetc: what. Zephra85: this movie is making my soul hurt Jalaperilo: hahaha! thenightetc: Her shirt Knockout: Shoot me. thenightetc: why this. Jalaperilo: no can do. primus/unicron demands we suffer Zephra85: f*ck what they want caffienatedconfetti: I WISH FOR DEATH Zephra85: SAVE US PUFFERFISH Jalaperilo: i wonder what this films agenda is? caffienatedconfetti: PRIMUS YOU *** caffienatedconfetti: oh right forgot about that lol sorry thenightetc: I thought he was going to reject the pitch, he kinda had the look of a guy who was slowly realizing he'd been invited to a multi-level-marketing pitch Knockout: The pufferfish loves you and would help you if it could. caffienatedconfetti: "save the planet, bitchfaces" caffienatedconfetti: was there just a festival in town and they were like "sure lets put that in the movie" Zephra85: I buy it thenightetc: [insert joke about Smokescreen] caffienatedconfetti: also didn't they say it was winter???????? caffienatedconfetti: so many questions Jalaperilo: you can find the answers within Zephra85: oh god what the hell thenightetc: Did they edit in the middle of a sentence Cardinal: ((That's a great thing to hear on a date Cardinal: (("You sound like my mother" caffienatedconfetti: HELLO Knockout: I like the man with the metal detector. Cardinal: This is the part where the birds eat them, right? caffienatedconfetti: I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THIS WIND caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT IS VERY CONVINCING DEAD BIRD thenightetc: "Don't touch it! It's fake!" Zephra85: Give the fake bird an oscar caffienatedconfetti: it's the best actor in this film tbh thenightetc: That's not retirement, it's a sabbatical Zephra85: STOP SAYING RETIREMENT Jalaperilo: it sounds like an interview thenightetc: I was just going to say thenightetc: It's shot like one too caffienatedconfetti: please kill me thenightetc: *total silence* caffienatedconfetti: i'm sorry for suggesting this it was a mistake thenightetc: Suffer with us. caffienatedconfetti: this movie in general is a mistake caffienatedconfetti: also where is the birdemic? where is the shock and terror? Zephra85: yeah seriously can we get to the plot already thenightetc: oh god caffienatedconfetti: end emeeeeeeee thenightetc: That bit right there Knockout: There's a persistent, gentle disgust. Close enough. caffienatedconfetti: did they hire a black guy to dance and pretrend to sing in front of a mic thenightetc: Maybe it's karaoke thenightetc: God, the restaurant is totally empty except for them, isn't it Zephra85: this movie couldn't get the licencing for a single song so they had to write their own Zephra85: it's just as disappointing as the rest of the movie Knockout: This movie's taken something from me I can never get back. thenightetc: I'm sure there's plenty more disappointment in store caffienatedconfetti: your soul? Knockout: Oh, please, no. caffienatedconfetti: OOOOHOHOOH JESUS GOD Knockout: Dear Unicron, no. thenightetc: Why is the tv on caffienatedconfetti: NONONPOE caffienatedconfetti: EW NO caffienatedconfetti: STOP THIS thenightetc: Hey uh if you wanna skip past any of this I'm sure none of us would complain Zephra85: isn't this the same room their friends were getting their bone on thenightetc: I don't know, is there that IMAGINE PEACE sign on the wall? Zephra85: Oh right my bad Knockout: GAAH! Jalaperilo: *** Zephra85: WHAT THE HELL caffienatedconfetti: MY EARS thenightetc: uhhh? Jalaperilo: i fell asleep Zephra85: I BET YOU'RE NOT ASLEEP ANYMORE thenightetc: This is.... sudden caffienatedconfetti: are those kamikaze birbs thenightetc: And unconvincing Jalaperilo: *** myheart Zephra85: HOLY F**** thenightetc: How are they doing that Jalaperilo: i think im dying thenightetc: Birds don't do that caffienatedconfetti: wow look at those graphics caffienatedconfetti: so realistic thenightetc: Pictured: physics probably caffienatedconfetti: i could just reach out and touch them they look so real caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWKRAWL Zephra85: plot twist: no sex happened, they just fell asleep making out caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: battery is dead.... in a landline????? thenightetc: They could have, like, started the movie here Jalaperilo: my chest hurts thenightetc: Why do the birds hate them in particular though caffienatedconfetti: yes but then we'd have missed an hour of environmental preaching Zephra85: yeah that's gonna stop them from breaking the glass and getting through the top part of the window Knockout: Just look at them. Jalaperilo: we should have watched The Birds instead Zephra85: Srsly caffienatedconfetti: we could do that next time, it'd probably get the bad taste out of my mouth caffienatedconfetti: "hello stranger thank you for letting us inside your home" caffienatedconfetti: oh god thenightetc: No, I think it's a hotel caffienatedconfetti: clothes hangers caffienatedconfetti: why thenightetc: oh my god Zephra85: wait Zephra85: this looks familiar Zephra85: just this one part caffienatedconfetti: i'm so sorry knockout i made a grievous error thenightetc: That's the only animation they made for them thenightetc: So they have to use it a lot caffienatedconfetti: forgive me Zephra85: ... Knock Out did somebody send this to you at some point as a submission? But like, just this scene? Jalaperilo: thats what you get for suggesting a film you havent seen lol Knockout: That would make sense. thenightetc: They weren't even attacking, just hovering caffienatedconfetti: forgive meeeeeeeee Zephra85: WHERE THE HECK Knockout: The bird noises are upsetting Impact's cats. Zephra85: WHERE DID THOSE GUNS COME FROM thenightetc: You mean you don't carry a gun with you everywhere in case of bird attacks? Jalaperilo: from any atore in murica? Jalaperilo: *store thenightetc: seems legit thenightetc: haha is that a machine gun thenightetc: dude don't gesture with the goddamn gun Zephra85: they're not the kind of guns people just HAVE though caffienatedconfetti: o hello dead dude Jalaperilo: i dont know how gun ownership works. can you tell Zephra85: most unrealistic part part of the movie: a kid willingly sharing his video game with his sister Jalaperilo: ha! thenightetc: Nothing about, like. Calling the police or something? thenightetc: Just, "oh well these are our kids now" Zephra85: phones aren' working still I guess thenightetc: jesus, what Jalaperilo: grim Zephra85: I feel like I should start drinking heavily in hopes of getting black-out drunk and forgetting I ever saw this movie thenightetc: "welp, he's dead, guess all this stuff is free" thenightetc: So I guess it's apocalyptic now? caffienatedconfetti: idk thenightetc: why are they eating out in the open caffienatedconfetti: i made a grevious error thenightetc: I don't think that's what bird flu does Zephra85: 'good thing I have this dollar-store mask to protect me' Zephra85: oh dear god Jalaperilo: no, the birds are just dicks Zephra85: you'd have to get a whole pig in your arms to match this kind of ham-fisting thenightetc: ikr Knockout: "Orthologist." thenightetc: "the birds know I'm an ornithologist :)" caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: You should be. thenightetc: some dude in the background just walking on the beach Jalaperilo: time for caffinated to go to the virtual time out corner to think about what they've done Knockout: "Pretty good at ***?" caffienatedconfetti: *sobbing* thenightetc: I heard it too. thenightetc: I think it was supposed to be "shooting" Jalaperilo: that made me laugh Zephra85: oh wow Zephra85: okay Zephra85: w o w Knockout: Point the gun in his face some more. thenightetc: That was... fast? DId she accidentally shoot her Knockout: Yes. "Accidentally." Zephra85: 'I didn't do anything' isn't very trustworthy first words thenightetc: Just hovering menacingly thenightetc: Like some vast, predatory bird Zephra85: HAAA Jalaperilo: *clapping for the furmanism* thenightetc: *whistles* thenightetc: Are they just... shooting at the bus with a machine gun Zephra85: Nice furmanism Zephra85: HAH thenightetc: ...What thenightetc: Do we want to know aht that was Zephra85: so... a bird exploded, and instead of blood and intestinal tracking they were covered with... vomit? Jalaperilo: gtg. i'm past my limit for bedtime lol. have fun suffering without me x x x Knockout: Run, Jalaperilo human. Run far and fast. Zephra85: Be free, Jalaperilo! Jalaperilo: i will. and I will memorialise your sacrifice in poetry thenightetc: Hahahaha they're just gonna thenightetc: drive off without paying Zephra85: ... it exploded Zephra85: okay that's it I'm drinking thenightetc: The birds have missiles now thenightetc: "bought" thenightetc: hahahahah caffienatedconfetti: its gettin late and i have school tomorrow caffienatedconfetti: sorry icannot stick around and continue to suffer thenightetc: You wimp caffienatedconfetti: well i mean thenightetc: You brought this upon us and now you're leaving? thenightetc: *judgey stare* Zephra85: I feel like I have to see this through to the end now out of spite thenightetc: *so much judgement* Zephra85: YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME, MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: look i'm not dealing with this fallout caffienatedconfetti: they're almost to the treehugger scene and i can't caffienatedconfetti: nooooo thankee caffienatedconfetti: just gonna mosey on outta here thenightetc: Boooooo caffienatedconfetti: maybe change my name Zephra85: Bye!! caffienatedconfetti: great now i feel bad caffienatedconfetti: look i didnt know the movie was THIS boring caffienatedconfetti: btw nice ponytail Zephra85: (blinkblink.blinkblink) Knockout: *Scene missing* thenightetc: ...*Are* those... redwoods? caffienatedconfetti: lol nope caffienatedconfetti: "not enough water" caffienatedconfetti: *running stream in the background* Zephra85: .......... caffienatedconfetti: fine i'll stay\ caffienatedconfetti: despite my tiredness thenightetc: That was like. A clip from a documentary or something wasn't it Zephra85: w h y caffienatedconfetti: jngkmjnredkvm zzzzz caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: mountain lions? caffienatedconfetti: redwoods? thenightetc: "Mountain lions can't climb trees!" caffienatedconfetti: in the same place????? Knockout: Congratulations, caffienated human. You stayed awake and now Treehugger will visit you in your dreams. Knockout: Every single night. caffienatedconfetti: please forigve caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: *CGI fire* thenightetc: so real. much danger. caffienatedconfetti: how threaned i am Zephra85: Nobody is ever allowed to give Beast Wars's CGI flack AGAIN thenightetc: behold the folly of man--did the fire cut out just before it changed scenes caffienatedconfetti: KILL ME I DESERVE IT thenightetc: Your punishment is watching this movie caffienatedconfetti: I HAVE BROUGHT NOTHING BUT SUFFERIIIIIING thenightetc: It's only like 13 more minutes thenightetc: And it's probably going to be 10 minutes of credits with the same music snippet looped forever Knockout: In Birdemic time, that translates to three hours. Zephra85: oh nooo our bf's are dead thenightetc: Uhhhhh Knockout: I choked on fuel. Zephra85: she's still moving and breathing thenightetc: But I thought she died out in the field thenightetc: After whatshername discharged a weapon in her general direction caffienatedconfetti: FACE CUT = DEATH caffienatedconfetti: LOOOOGUC Zephra85: different girl, those two from before were random strangers they met at the hotel thenightetc: Ohhhhhh, right Zephra85: these were their two friends from the beginning caffienatedconfetti: end my life thenightetc: Forgot about that Knockout: How could you forget Imagine Peace human? Zephra85: BUT THERE'S NO FISH TO CAAATCH BECAUSE GLOBAL WARMING KILLED THEM AALLLLL thenightetc: ...That also explains why he's surprised by what's in the van, I guess. It was their van and they're dead thenightetc: Well I ASSUMED she had more than one shirt caffienatedconfetti: inskifb ukvgm caffienatedconfetti: let's eat seaweed caffienatedconfetti: its clean caffienatedconfetti: probably thenightetc: just eat some seaweed off the ground Knockout: That beach looks polluted. Zephra85: now for a ham-fisted monologue about over-fishing and polution and mORE GLOBAL WARMING caffienatedconfetti: where did they get ball?>???? thenightetc: haha just plop the whole thing right in a pot of water caffienatedconfetti: cooker??? Zephra85: ... sooo you're not gonna gut it or prep it in any way first thenightetc: don't gut it or anything caffienatedconfetti: what is logic Zephra85: okay then thenightetc: "...YOU eat it first" Zephra85: MOST REALISTIC PART OF THE MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: eewwwwwww thenightetc: Pfff, so much for birds only attacking people in cars Zephra85: in the face of the apocalypse kids complaining that they want junk food caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWK Zephra85: WAKAWKAWAK thenightetc: Ha, he's only NOW run out of bullets Knockout: I'm sure it would have been healthier than the ungutted fish and seawood they found on the ground. Zephra85: sRSLY thenightetc: A happy meal? Oh yeah, probably thenightetc: Are they.... going back for the fist thenightetc: *fish Zephra85: 'We're murdered all but these four humans, our work is done' caffienatedconfetti: winged murder raptors have never been so nonthreatening Zephra85: those child actors look so bored thenightetc: "...oh no they're coming back, BACK TO THE VAN" caffienatedconfetti: nice giraffee neck human dude caffienatedconfetti: oh NOW i canm go to bed caffienatedconfetti: i have suffered enough thenightetc: But the credits :) Zephra85: I think we've all suffered enough for the sake of all existence caffienatedconfetti: thank you caffienatedconfetti: again, i am very sorry thenightetc: Ooooo! caffienatedconfetti: knockout caffienatedconfetti: why Zephra85: Because you obviously didn't get enough birds, Knock Out thenightetc: Dirty bird. caffienatedconfetti: what???? caffienatedconfetti: fat birb caffienatedconfetti: wait what thenightetc: *growing suspician* caffienatedconfetti: oh caffienatedconfetti: um caffienatedconfetti: oh dear caffienatedconfetti: this is 1000x better tho thenightetc: Well Zephra85: oh my god thenightetc: This is amazing caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: did they..... did they nail a whole chicken to a tree????? Zephra85: oh god I laughed really loud with that last one Zephra85: I think so caffienatedconfetti: kncokout look up the parrote sketch, monty python caffienatedconfetti: *parrot Zephra85: THE PARROT SKETCH thenightetc: Fantastic choice, Knock Out; it makes up for the entire movie. caffienatedconfetti: this si human humor at its finest Knockout: Whatever helps us all to heal. Zephra85: the first time I heard this sketch it was an audio only caffienatedconfetti: its very british Zephra85: so it was like a radio play Zephra85: it played out perfectly caffienatedconfetti: also john cleese is in it so it's already amazing thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: POOOOOLLLY Zephra85: I would have no desire to touch and put my mouth near a dead bird caffienatedconfetti: you can't prove you didn't do that with starscream's corpse caffienatedconfetti: WAAAAAKE UP caffienatedconfetti: SLAP Zephra85: EX PARROT caffienatedconfetti: he's so bitish i love him thenightetc: But... how. caffienatedconfetti: because caffienatedconfetti: oh dear thee goes the fourth wall Zephra85: the fourth wall is overrated caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: why thios so good caffienatedconfetti: GET ON WITH IT Zephra85: classic caffienatedconfetti: 10000/10 Knockout: Beautiful. Knockout: A much better note to end on. caffienatedconfetti: think of it as my way of making up for my crimes caffienatedconfetti: noiw if you'll excuse me caffienatedconfetti: my bed is calling my name thenightetc: Goodnight! Zephra85: yeah I need to stretch myself out a bit Knockout: Good night. Enjoy a mostly-guilt free sleep! Zephra85: thanks for the stream Knock Out! Zephra85: Say high to the family for me! caffienatedconfetti: oloolololo thanks knockzo Knockout: My pleasure! Thank you for enduring it with me. Zephra85: I feel triumphant that it did not break me caffienatedconfetti: do owls seem less scary now Zephra85: 'Night everybody! caffienatedconfetti: or more scary caffienatedconfetti: because they are, in fact, birbs caffienatedconfetti: heuehehue caffienatedconfetti: lol nvm caffienatedconfetti: just joking around caffienatedconfetti: bedtiiiime caffienatedconfetti: night

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