#because i’m ANNOYING ab tends bar i always will be

[badnew2005]

THE GANG TENDS BAR - we’re always running outside, out into the world, looking for riches and treasures, when we’ve got everything we need right here.

[adampage]

Cowboy Shit

Adam Page, Word count: 1,989

(Note from Emi robwiethoff: this isn’t mine, a very nice anon wrote this for me and I love them for it) 

You forced yourself to look up from the bar when you heard the door open. You could feel your breath get caught in your throat as the handsome cowboy started making his way over to the bar, where you were tending. He was tall, muscular, he had to have been at least six tall and you couldn’t help but try to imagine the abs he probably had under that tight, black button up shirt he was wearing. You didn’t want him to think you were checking him out, so your eyes finally met his and you thought you were gonna lose it. Even his eyes were gorgeous! Deep dark blue eyes that shined in comparison to the blonde stubble on his chin. Fuck.

“Can I get something started for you?” You asked, your voice cracking slightly. It was a small town, everyone knew everyone. But you didn’t know the stranger in front of you. And he was so gorgeous that you were sure that you’d remember his handsome face.

“I’ll start with a beer, thanks miss,” he said as he sat down. You nodded, taking a cold beer out of the fridge behind you and pouring it carefully onto a tall glass. You kept your eyes down as you served it to him, the last thing you wanted to do was stare at him, but that was battle you would soon lose. As you looked up at him, he gave you a small smile, and you felt your cheeks heat up as you returned it.

“What brings you here?” You asked him, once traffic at the bar had slowed down.

“I wanted some beer,” he replied, making you hold back a sigh.

“I meant this town. What brings you to this shithole? I haven’t seen you around here before.”

He chuckled, and you felt you were going to melt at how deep and sexy his laugh was. His voice was husky and deep as is, but his laugh was even better.

“I’d hope this town isn’t a shithole, I just got a job here. I’m the new teacher at Hollow Creek.”

He’s cute, and he’s smart? Who gave him the right?

“Hollow Creek, huh? You know all those kids there are super bratty. They’re real annoying,” you lied, knowing damn well those kids were the most well behaved kids in the state, “That’s why their last teacher left. Couldn’t handle it anymore.” Their last teacher had retired after 50 years of teaching, but you wanted to see where his heart was at, so you kept up the lie.

The man smirked, “Look at you, little liar! I’ve heard nothing but good things about the students. And their last teacher is like 80, so I don’t think they annoyed her away.“

You blushed, “Just testing you. What’s your name anyways?”

“Hangman.” You snickered at how ridiculous that sounded, causing him to blush and roll his eyes. “Okay, fine. It’s Adam. But don’t underestimate the things I can do with ropes.” Your eyes widened slightly, picturing him tying you up. Holy shit…

“Um-”

“I’m kidding. I’ll see you around…”

“Eliana,” you told him.

“Eliana. It was nice meeting you.”

The months started to go by in a haze. Every single day after work, Hangman, as you often called him, would come by the bar, order a beer or two and just chat with you. The two of you started to grow close, and your feelings for him also started to grow. He was sweet, funny, and caring. Every time he would laugh or smile, his eyes would shine, and that was enough to make whatever worries you had go away. Tonight was different. When Adam walked into the bar, he slumped down into his usual seat, head hanging down.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You asked him, as you reached to give him a beer.

“No beer. Give me whiskey. Strongest one you’ve got,” he said, halting you from opening the beer.

“Adam…” you started. It was rare that you called you Adam, you always called him Hangman as a joke, but this time was much more serious.

“Last I checked, you’re not supposed to ask me questions. Just get me some whiskey, dammit,” he snapped, completely taking you by surprise. Sadly he was right, you didn’t have a right to question or judge what customers were ordering. But it still made you sad. You bit down on your bottom lip, trying to keep your face blank. As you grabbed the bottle of whiskey, your hands shook slightly. It was an extra effort not to drop it, but you poured it into a shot glass and served it to Adam.

“As you wish,” you mumbled, not liking how upset he looked. His eyes met yours, and he furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to read your face. He quickly down the shot, wincing after.

“Two more,” he ordered, and you wordlessly poured him two more shots. You walked away, needing to tend the other people at the bar, and also needing to get away from him. You didn’t know what was wrong with him, but you could tell he wasn’t in the mood for talking about it.

As you served a vodka and orange to Cassidy, the ginger guy who didn’t have a job but was seemingly always spending money somehow, Adam waved you over, calling your name. When you finished serving Cassidy, you begrudgingly walked back over to Adam.

“Three more,” he ordered.

“What’s with you tonight? You’re not your usual self,” you commented, serving him the shots. He downed them extremely quickly, and you knew he was going to get drunk in no time. You wanted to cut him off, but by policy, he could order two more before you did have to cut him off.

“What, just cause you’re all worry free all the time doesn’t mean I am! Some of us have shit to do, El. Life isn’t just handing out beer and whiskey to men that stare at you and flirt with you,” he snapped, making your jaw drop.

You glared at him, “It’s a job, Adam. No one even flirts with me. What’s your problem tonight? What crawled up your ass?”

“You don’t think these men are flirting with you? Why else would half of these assholes come here everyday? To drink? There’s a liquor store two miles away. Besides, don’t you have a fucking date with Cassidy?”

You raised your eyebrows at him, “What?”

He leaned over, getting a little too close for comfort, “You tell me. You’re the one fucking him.” He stood up, angrily getting out of his seat and leaving.

You didn’t know where the fuck he was getting his information, but he was dead wrong. “Orange” Cassidy did indeed ask you out the night before, as Hangman was leaving the bar, but you had rejected him. You had eyes for one cowboy, all you wanted was your Hangman.

The next day, Adam walked back into the bar, and you were relieved to see him. He didn’t even sit down, he just pulled out his wallet.

“I need to pay my tab off,” he said, eyes not meeting yours. Adam normally paid part of his tab, but he never tried to pay all of it off at once. Which meant he had no intention of coming back.

“Yo-you’re not coming back?” Your voice cracked, frowning as you looked at him. “I don’t understand. Adam…”

“I won’t come back, no. Beer is cheaper at the liquor store.”

“Did I do something that hurt you? Adam, I didn’t do anything with-”

“Eliana. It’s okay. You can do whatever with whoever you want. I just… I think I’m kind of over the whole bar scene.”

You frowned, “Adam… I-”

“No, El. Can you just show me my tab please so I can get out of here?”

You felt your eyes water and you grabbed the tab and handed it to him. You pouted as he took several bills out of his wallet and set them down. You counted the bills, making sure it added up to the total, and handed him back his change.

“Great,” and that’s the last thing he said.

A few weeks passed, and Hangman didn’t return to the bar. Every night, you got your hopes up, but he still didn’t come back. Eventually Cassidy asked you out again, and you declined once more. You thought you were heart broken, and you couldn’t get Adam out of your head. It seemed ridiculous, considering the fact you were only friends, but you wanted more. Your heart longed for him, hoping the moment where he’d wrap his arms around you and kiss you would finally come. But now you never saw him anymore. Not even on the streets, not around the shops, nowhere. You missed your friend. The way he bit his lip sometimes when he smiled at you, the way he tried to tell corny jokes at you to make you laugh.

When you locked up the bar, you could hear someone behind you, which startled you. You turned around, placing a hand over your heart. Adam stared back at you, wearing light blue jeans, his red button shirt was unbuttoned, showing his white t-shirt underneath. Surely enough he was wearing his usual cowboy boots, he often said he had wear them because they were “Cowboy shit.”

“You closing up?” He asked, his voice strained, not holding the usual confidence that he spoke with.

“Yeah, but I’d make an exception for you,” you said, eager to have him back in your life. You just wanted him back, anyway you could get him.

“Yeah? Why? I don’t deserve it.”

You sighed, “Just get in here.” You opened the door, and he held it for you as you both walked in. You locked the door behind you, not wanting the people of the town to think you were still open. Adam stood in front of you, immediately resting his hands on your shoulders. You were a lot shorter than him, and it showed, him towering over you.

“I’m really sorry, Eliana. I fucked up a lot, and I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. I talked to Cassidy today and I realized how much of an idiot I’ve been. Look, I genuinely enjoy your friendship and I don’t want you to think I was getting close to you just because I had a crush on you. I think you’re funny, you’re the sweetest person I’ve met in my life, but it was really hard for me when I thought you were dating Cassidy. I want you, and I want to be with you, and I thought you were with him, but he told me that you rejected him. I’m really sorry I was such an ass. I shouldn’t have been as immature as I was, and I never meant to hurt you. I don’t know how you feel about me, but there’s my apology, and I hope we can at least be friends again.”

“Adam, I’m pretty sure it’s against the cowboy rule book to turn your back on your friends. Especially one who really cares about you.”

You were ready to forgive him, but you kind of wanted to make him work for it a little.

“Oh, you got a copy of the cowboy rule book?” He joked, smiling down at you.

“Yeah, well, I kind of got feelings for some clown who thinks he’s all about that cowboy shit,” you retorted, smirking at him. His face lit up, when he realized that he was the cowboy clown, and he leaned down and kissed you. His hands cupped your cheeks, and you moved you arms around his waist, hugging him close to you. When he pulled his lips away from yours, he smiled at you.

“I’ve missed you, Hangman,” you said, finally able to get what you’ve wanted.

“I’ve missed you too, El.”

________________________

NONNIE IM STRAIGHT UP SQUEALING THIS WAS SO GOOD IM SLDKFJSLDKFJSLDHSJKDFGHSKFJGHSKFDJHSKDJFHSHS HE’S JUST TOO CUTE HE’S TOO ADORABLE I AM SCREAMINGGGG THANK U NONNIE I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND JUST??? HE GOT SO HORRIBLY JEALOUS BUT HE CAME BACK AND APOLOGIZED AN SDLFSDKFJHSDJ THANK YOU

[twobellsilence]

hide vs J - magazine interview

From "UV" vol.16 - February 1997. Translated by Ami (LUNATIC ASYLUM, last updated  01/13/2002)

TL Note:  J calls hide "hide-nii", which means "(older) brother hide"! Also on this day of the interview, apparently J turned up with his dog "Sid", while hide turned up with his Tamagocchi....

J: When did I first meet you? hide: When you guys were still called "LUNACY" and were playing in Rokumei-kan. But when I went, the hall was already absolutely full. - That's when you became their fan, right? h: Yep. - What did you like about them? h: The fact that the hall was full of people *LOL*. J: *LOL* - What was your first impression? J: It hasn't changed. h: No, no. Coz I met them when they were always 'fully-armed' *LOL*. They had this manual book or something they followed for when they were on-stage and off-stage *LOL*. Like, even when they weren't on stage, they had to wear this particular hat, & that particular hairstyle, etc. *LOL* They looked exactly the same off-stage as on-stage though. *LOL* J: Yeah, that's true *LOL*. h: Even SUGIZO looked exactly the same usually as when he was on-stage. He really could've gone on stage like that! *LOL* Well, one can say he was more professional back then compared to now, in that he lived up to the fans' expectations *LOL*. - What did you guys talk about then? J: Well, it was our first-meeting, so we didn't really talk about much... But because there weren't many people around us in Kanagawa, where all our members are from, who held strongly to their 'professionalism', I felt really comfortable talking to hide-nii. - It's a famous story that the guys with the most guts in Kanagawa came together to form LUNA SEA. J: Yeah, so I was relieved when I first met hide-nii because I was assured that what we were doing was right. h: (starts laughing) - What's wrong? h: The guy with the most guts in Machida, is INORAN!!! *LOL* (Machida = the town where LUNA SEA started) - *LOL* J: Yeah, that's true. He doesn't really look it, but he's got the most guts! *LOL* He's like the blue bit of a flame, you know? The hottest bit. h: Hey, that was quite good! *LOL* - Did you guys get on well right away? h: At first, I just went to their gig every now and then, & maybe appear at an after-show party, or something like that. We started to get on probably around the time MASS started. - 'MASS' being hide, J, & INORAN's unit, right? You did one track of "DANCE 2 NOISE" called "FROZEN BUG". When was that? J: It was around the time we made our debut. A little before that, we started talking about music, and we found out that we liked the same kinds of music. h: I think that was a bit before "Two Unlimited" was out. We liked 'orchestra-hit', dance-type music. (I might be translating in a really wrong way.... sorry for my lack of knowledge!!) We drunk so much, didn't we? J: Yeah, that was abnormal!! That June was fatal!! *LOL* h: Even if I had a photo-shoot or something, I still ended up in the park the next morning with J *LOL*. J: I remember now! That was a nightmare!! *LOL* - Why were you guys in a park?! *LOL* J: Because all the bars closed, and we had nowhere to go! So we just bought beer and drunk in the park *LOL*. And then while we were drinking, all these old people would come, and then while we're watching with wonder, they'd all start exercising together! *LOL* h: And we used to play basketball beside them *LOL*. We used to play around so much together. We used to REALLY play around *LOL*. J: We were literally 'playing' as well. We used to play 'tag' *LOL*. h: But we'd all still be 'fully-armed' *LOL*. With extensions in our hair and everything *LOL* - That picture is way too weird to imagine *LOL* MASS worked separately, in Los Angeles and Tokyo, right? h: Yeah. Because I went to LA before deciding on anything. J: Our demo tape made about 2 return-trips between Tokyo and LA. When hide first sent us the tape, the song was already in some sort of shape. But then INORAN said "Do you think hide'll get angry if we totally broke this song apart?". So I answered "No, no, doesn't matter! Let's do it" *LOL* And when we did, he really liked it. h: That's why I sang! For the first time in my life! *LOL* If J didn't break the song apart, I wouldn't have sang. So thanx to J, I'm now able to sing in front of people! J: *LOL* - What do you two talk about now? J: We drink as we talk, so we don't talk about much *LOL* h: I'm always drunk, so I don't even remember *LOL* J: But when we first met, I remember hide saying 'ROSIER' was really good. Because LUNA SEA don't have many people (older/younger musician 'brothers') around them who'd say things like that, I remember I got really happy. h: LUNA SEA might be one of the few bands who didn't get caught up in all the 'vertical relationships' of the visual-band world. J: Yea, maybe. Or we can also say that it's coz we purposely displaced ourselves from all that *LOL* h: It's probably coz you were all very 'flat'. You weren't up yourselves, nor were you too modest about yourselves. From an 'older brother''s view, you need some sort of passion from your younger ones, but then if that gets too much, you get really annoyed at them. If you have any of these, you probably end up getting caught up in the vertical relationship. But I think J has this firm belief that "I am only what I am". That's why he's so 'flat'. That's why I thought about doing MASS with him. J: I'm really flattered that he'd say that. Because for me, hide-nii is one of the few musicians that I can really really respect. He's one of the few people who have what I don't have, so I'm like a servant dog to people like him... *LOL* h: I just got goose bumps all over me! *LOL* - I can see that you think of hide like he's your older brother from the way you call him; "hide-nii". J: Yep. I might sound arrogant, but to me, just the fact that this guy is alive is a wonderful thing. h: Shit! Goose bumps part II!!! *LOL* J: That's why I can really feel like I have to work hard. This is the first time I tell hide-nii this, but I sometimes feel like I run into a wall, right? On days like that, I always think of ringing up hide-nii. But then when I pick up the phone, I think of his face, right? And then I think "No, I've gotta do this. I've gotta solve this on my own." I dunno how many times I put the phone down... *LOL* h: You sound like some girl who's in love with me! *LOL* J: *LOL* - What do you think of hide's solo activities? J: I think it's cool. It's really 'hide-world'. It's like something out of a child's toy box. I like the way he's not just showing his living-room, but his closet as well. h: I love the way he says things this way. The way he talks like "although it's someone else's garden". There are some people who say "That bit was good, but that bit wasn't". I just love the way he's always got an introduction saying "though it's someone else's garden anyway...". It's a good stance. - hide, you say things that way as well. Not as a "producer" but as a "receiver". J: But when I went to see his gig at Yoyogi, he didn't play the song I wanted to hear. h: What was it? J: 'DAMAGE'. h: Yeah, I did it on the 2nd day, but you only came on the 1st day. J often comes to our gigs, you see. You know in this world, even though you say things like "Hey, you can come & visit us anytime!", it rarely happens coz many people just get intimidated, right? But J just pops in anytime. That's why our members are always saying "J's so cute!" J: Well, I only go just to act as a 'stopper' for hide-nii & KIYOSHI! *LOL* - Yeah, I heard you guys (hide&KIYOSHI) always used to fight every time you got drunk! h: It's really weird, coz the two who were always fighting are now playing together! *LOL* J: I can't remember how many times I had to stop them...*LOL* - So you were the arbitrator then *LOL* J: Yeah, whenever us three sat together, I was always stuck in the middle *LOL* h: Both KIYOSHI & I knew that J'd stop us if we got out of hand *LOL* J: *LOL* - I really think you guys are similar. J: We have the same blood type; AB. (just a note from ami... I'm AB too!!!! (^^)) h: No way! *LOL* We're not even saying one piece of truth! *LOL* All these words are purely for promotion! *LOL* - "No way"?! *LOL* Don't you think you guys are similar in a way? h: Well, one characteristic of an 'AB' is that they think they're the "one & only" deep down inside *LOL* So we don't like to think that we're similar to anybody! *LOL* J: Yeah, that's true actually. Oh, but that bit's similar then! *LOL* - Good thing you two have quite a 'tidy' relationship to each other. h: Yeah, inside me, it's quite untidy, but I like to look good to the outside, so even though my 'house' is untidy, my 'garden' is clean & tidy. J: uh-huh. - Do you feel like that as well? J: Yeah, I do. I put effort into being like that. That's why I try to listen and see a lot of things to take in. h: The good thing is, it's not just effort that we're putting in. If you like what you're doing, it doesn't feel like you're putting in 'effort' does it? Like when you like a girl, and you're trying to get her. It's not hard-work; it's fun! I think if we have a job like this, we should never forget that. J knows how to balance well between 'fun' and 'work'. He knows that having fun is the primary factor, but he always has something in common with someone else's 'garden'; something he can share with the fans. - The gigs that you two play in are exactly so, aren't they? The primary thing is to have fun yourselves, to dig deep inside you to the core, but then on the other hand, that core has a sort of 'pop'ness that everybody else can enjoy. I think that's why so many people support you two. h: Yeah. Both J and I aren't types of people who make something without showing anyone, and then going on to break it apart also without showing anyone. We tend to break it when everyone's watching *LOL* J: Yeah, that's true *LOL* - By the way, J, you're going to play at the Shinjuku Liquid Room on Mar 2 with the vocal and the guitar of Anarchy, Shigeru Nakano & Shinichi Fujinuma, DJ KRUSH, and also Jun Sawada, a modern art writer (?), in a band called "GaZa". Is this the first of your solo activity series? J: Um, it's a bit different, coz I wasn't really planning on this or anything, so it's not really my solo. - So how did this band form? J: I was having a drink with KRUSH, and he said "I'm bringing my turn table to a radio program, so why don't you bring your bass, and we can play together!" Shigeru and Jun were there as well, so we decided to play together. And when we did, it was quite fun, so we decided to have a gig as well. h: Seems fun! J: But we're drum-less! I was always used to being one part of the rhythm team, so I dunno how this is gonna turn out. But we've got amazing members, so I know it's gonna turn out brilliantly. - According to what I've heard, apparently Jun Sawada is playing "junk"? What does this mean? J: Well basically, he's just gonna throw or drum or do all sorts of things with junk. It's like "Einsturzende Neubauten" on his own *LOL* h: *LOL* J: In LUNA SEA, I'm always longing for perfection. So it's really new and exciting for me to have this border less, clean-white canvas, with everybody pouring on different colours at the same time. h: Oh, I really wanna hear this and see this! I mean, you really don't know what's gonna happen *LOL* - hide, you're gonna be in Los Angeles at that time, but are you gonna come back? h: Yeah, I really wanna see this. - If it was hide, you'll be allowed to join in on the day, won't you?! J: Definitely. h: What?! How is anyone meant to join in among these members?! *LOL* - Is the day hide & J stand on one stage again quite far away? h: I dunno. MASS hasn't split up yet or anything. J: I wanna do it again!

[scifimagpie]

The Secret of Evil

I’d been sitting on this concept for a while, and then I found myself relaxing on Youtube one night, watching a film reviewer’s analyses — and I was jolted from my comfortable mood and into a flurry of expository frothing.

Possible content warning for talk about cults, general acts of violence, the dark side of humanity, cops, abuse — you get the idea.

Now, I think Ryan Hollinger does a great job of analysing this giving the constraints of his expertise and knowledge. I generally love his channel, and would recommend it. However, the underlying concept of this movie bothered me so greatly that, well — here we are.

What is evil?

For our purposes, “evil” refers to socially unacceptable, transgressive acts that cause harm to others. Examples include violent acts, sexual assault, murder, theft, fraud, lying — you get it.

Now, as long as humanity has been living in groups, squatting near our little fires, we’ve quarreled and bickered and occasionally wronged or harmed each other — sometimes, more severely than at others. The call to understand both our own dark impulses and bad decisions and to understand those taken by others appears to be pretty universal. Narratives and folkloric tales about evil, good, punishment, and morality appear in every single human civilization and culture, from small subsistence clans and tribes to our modern era.

I have a strong interest in cults, extremist groups, new religious movements, and that kind of thing. I’ve always wondered how “evil” came to be. It was a while before I understood that evil is a verb, not an actual force in the world.

But writers — especially in Hollywood, but in the general creative sphere as well — don’t all have degrees in the human condition. And while that’s fine, what is not fine is the way that evil is portrayed and continues to be portrayed. Not to mention the fact that criminality is often portrayed as “evil,” regardless of whether or not the criminal actions harmed anyone (i.e. an expired license plate vs a speeding ticket vs an assault charge).

Now, fun, lighter-hearted portrayals of evil aren’t really the issue here — I’m talking more about the serious portrayals, where a movie or story is really trying to Say Something. The silly portrayals of things, however, are rooted in the more serious stuff — so let’s talk about what we see as evil.

There’s no such thing as “born evil”

Take a minute with it. If you already know that, and are going, “yeah, duh,” then let me explain the whole “evil” thing in the context of murderers. I’m so tired of these bad, stupid true crime narratives about someone who just “wakes up and does bad things”. They allow us to ignore the massive preponderance of people who a) commit crimes for survival purposes, b) the misunderstandings of how mental health issues and neurodivergence works (i.e. “evil autistic” etcetera), and c) socio-economic factors, not to mention d) the cycle of abuse. That’s not even including e) cultural dehumanization of others caused by privilege — such as with wealth, perceived moral authority, or racist or gender-based ideas, to name but a few.

Let me run through those again with examples. Now, I’m not saying these are actually all “causes of evil,” but they’re various examples of causes of harmful acts, that some people might label — fairly or unfairly — as evil. Some of these groups and people are especially vulnerable to maltreatment, and especially innocent of what they’re accused of, but culturally, we don’t usually act like that’s the case.

a) survival criminality — doing something bad for either good reasons or personal safety. Example: stealing a TV to pay for a child’s school fees; stealing to pay for drugs in the case of an addiction

b) mental health issues and neurodivergence — people who experience impaired empathy and/or struggle to conform to societal cultural norms. Example: an autistic child slapping a caregiver during a meltdown, because they feel angry and/or threatened.

c) socio-economic factors — poverty is often criminalised, and some people — in Canada, that includes Indigenous, Metis, and First Nations people, and Black, African, and Caribbean Canadians in particular — are disproportionately accused of and suspected of crimes. This can lead to being forced into the prison system, loss of opportunities, prejudice, and murder. If you’ve heard the phrase “school to prison pipeline” regarding the way Black people are treated, you’ll know what I’m talking about. (If you don’t, look it up; it’s very important. Also horrifying.) Example: a store manager points at a Black child for acting “suspicious,” assuming the child has stolen a candy bar. (Depending on the portrayal, either the child will be implied to be “evil” or the store owner will be “evil”.)

d) the cycle of abuse. Abuse survivors who don’t deal with their experiences in some way go on to abuse others. Example: a man who is assaulted by his uncle may later go on to assault his daughter’s friend in her teen years. Alternately, an abused child may go on to abuse her spouse in adulthood.

e) cultural dehumanization of others caused by privilege — such as with wealth, perceived moral authority, or racist or gender-based ideas, to name but a few. The trope of the Evil Rich Executive from the 80s is a good example. See also, President of the US #45 for abundant and horrifying examples of dehumanizing and abusing others.

Does evil even exist?

I mean, colloquially, sure. As a primeval force? No. Even companies that profit from true crime content will, with some bashfulness, admit that a significant majority of the “terrifying killers” they love to portray are just severely abused people who’ve ended up lashing out in the worst possible ways. In the exceptionally rare cases where multiple murderers aren’t actually abused in childhood and/or suffering severe adverse effects, there’s often neurological damage involved.

However, as you can see from this brief analysis, it’s pretty clear that evil is more of a verb than a state of being. Someone’s actions can be evil, but defining a person as “evil” assigns a certain kind of evaluation that is both dehumanizing and oddly absolving. I won’t dive into the depths of Christian theology about evil right now — but even in games like Dungeons and Dragons, confronting the question of “evil races” (yikes) has required some updates and changes. And frankly, that’s a good thing.

How do we write about bad things and evil, then?

Don’t take this essay as the vituperative howling of an inveterate killjoy. Rather, it’s a plea for authors to realise that the old stories we’ve been telling are not only dusty and boring from overuse, they’re deeply inaccurate. The real world’s cues are so much more interesting and fertile, and trying to tell the same old mortality tales that have already been explored — without adding to them — is both artistically annoying and actually pretty harmful.

All of these things can still make for incredible, nuanced, interesting, gripping stories…but NoOoooooo, Hollywood still loves, “but what if just pure evil?” At this point, the thought experiment side of it is no longer a good argument. It’s become the predominant understanding of how crime, especially murderers, work — and that’s really, really bad.

We learn about the world from the narratives we take in — whether that’s pursuing true crime tales late into the night or listening to harrowing tales of social justice and fights against societal forces, or even just watching a fun, dumb horror movie. Luckily, there’s a lot of wonderful work that’s been coming out that does take these nuanced, complicated stories into account — to list some podcasts I love, How We Roll, Dungeons and Randomness, Campaign: Skyjacks, The Adventure Zone, and Critical Role all tend to feature plenty of nuance in the “evil” characters, as well as in the “good” ones.

So ask yourself — who are the heroes in this tale, and in the world? Who do you instinctively take the side of when you see a real-world conflict? Although we all pride ourselves on being able to tell the differences between facts and fiction, our construction of the world comes from stories — and that means we have to be honest about who we label “the bad guys,” and why.

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and their cats. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people’s manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

[ramennoodlesandnarusasu]

The golden moon (sns valentines one shot)

The sun was shining harshly on Naruto’s asleep body, it threatened the young adult to leave a bright red mark if he didn’t wake up in 20 minutes. Naruto’s eyes fluttered open, squinting at the beaming ray of sun. His alarm started ringing violently, refusing to simmer down until it was turned off.

Naruto let out a disgruntled sigh, unwilling to wake up. He reached for his phone and quickly turned off the alarm, greeting the morning with massive distaste.  If mornings weren’t already Naruto’s cup of tea, today was probably his most hated day, making getting up in the morning a colossal struggle for Naruto.

He wished he could sleep throughout the entirety off today, this day, this date. It was not one that Naruto had ever befriended. Naruto was jerked out of bed with a text message. Knowing who it would be Naruto questioned to answer or not.

Two seconds later, another text came through. Naruto grumbled under his breath as he pushed himself off the bed to pick up his phone and head to the bathroom. As he washed his face and brushed his teeth his phone began to buzz again. “For Christ sake, every year.” Knowing the phone wouldn’t shut up if he didn’t answer it, he decided it was time to answer his text, even though he knew it had been Sakura the whole time.

Naruto opened the messages and was greeted with the same old annoying Sakura. The same messages he always got on this day. Naruto. Its Valentine’s day- Why are you ignoring me? -I know you get all sad and gloomy on Valentines, because you are a lonely sucker. -I found you a date, give him a chance. I know since coming out, you have become a hermit crab, actually go talk to some guys, I promise they won’t bite ;) or they might.

Naruto hated when Sakura intervened in his love life, he decided to not date after breaking up with Hinata because he just hadn’t found anyone that barely sparked his interest. Everyone seemed the same, only wanting one thing. All the guys Naruto was made to go on dates with where bland, soul sucking people. Either only after Naruto’s success, or flirtatiously trying way too hard to get into his pants.

Naruto always had severe commitment issues, it took him so long to call it quits with Hinata, even though he knew he was gay. But she was the first person to actually stay with him longer than 6 months, everyone else didn’t last 2 weeks.

Naruto let out an annoyed sigh and clicked the dial tone. “Naruto! How is my main man! So, date tonight?” “No Sakura, I’m not doing it. Every year it’s the same. I major disappointment and waste of my time.” “Oh, come on Naruto. Please. I promise I actually met this guy, he reminds me of you a little bit.” “What’s his name?” “Garra.” “Sakura, I swear. If this turns out to be a dud, I will stab you, and also take away your friend privileges.” “Oh no! Not the keys to your apartment. How will I live? Actually, take that back, you have a massive TV, and a great view.” Naruto let out a small chuckle. Sakura loved to meddle in his life but he couldn’t imagine a life without her.

“Sakura, last chance. I refuse to try you’re flimsily dating schemes if this one doesn’t pan out longer than a month.” “A MONTH?” “Hey you know I want commitment, I would assume you would put that on the list when choosing these… oh, so eligible bachelors for me.” “Tch, well, I mean he seemed right up your alley bu-“ “Ahhhh, I don’t want excuses my sweet Sakura, this date has your key privileges to my apartment at stake, I hope his a good one.” “Tch, well now so do I. I was still have 1 season left to watch of my TV series on that glorious TV.” “We shall see, any ways I have to go, we still on for lunch tomorrow?” “Yer we are, normal spot?” “Yep!” “Ille send you a text with the info for Garra’s date tonight. Oh, and dress nice slacker boy, this guy actually has a high paying job, not like the scum you always tend to pick up from the bars.” “Hey what can I say, I have a thing for bad boys.” “Tch, which always drives my head in. Anyways ciao Naruto, I’m off to my date.” “Good luck!”

Naruto hanged up the phone and looked into the bathroom mirror, realizing he had a lot of work to do to make himself presentable for this date. He let out a deep sigh of annoyance. “Every year, I have to kill Sakura as soon as I get my hands on her skinny neck.” Naruto started humming a calming song as he progressed to turn on his bathroom and set up some music on his speakers.

-

Naruto stepped outside the shower dripping water all over his white tiles whilst attempting to dry his soaking hair. Naruto bushed away his hair and went to pick up his phone to see that Sakura had sent a long list of information with a colossal of winky faces at the end. Naruto wished this time it was worth it.

He stepped outside his bathroom and went inside his walk-in wardrobe to see what he could wear. He decided on tight black skinny jeans that squeezed in exactly the right places.  He joined his denim jeans with a light orangey crème top that hung loosely, doing nothing what so ever to highlight the abs that lied below. Naruto was a huge fitness enthusiast, it was his designer shoe idea which sky rocketed his life into the millionaire he was today.

He never let the money get to his head, but he sure as hell had noticed that basically every one he met after his success treated him with differently. Each person desperately seeking his formula to success. He had yet found anyone he trusted, let alone feel a connection towards them. Sakura was stupid enough to always mention to these dates she set up that Naruto was hugely successful, which made every date the same as the next. Either the conversation was so bland and everything was about money, business and the economy or the person was obviously trying too hard to flirt with him.

Naruto was only discovered as an entrepreneur 2 years ago so his face was still unknown. This gave him a lot of freedom to go out and not run into trouble, most of the people he ended up sleeping with tended to be guys from bars or clubs. Each one had no interest in Naruto or they seriously lacked any form of charisma. All of them seemed quite dead in the head, with no one so far sparking interest in Naruto’s longing heart.

Naruto was busy enough with his work that he didn’t have much time to get out there and find a decent human being to date, so the only person who constantly reminded him that he was lonely as hell was Sakura. She persistently found him a Valentines date, though they all turned out to be serious duds.

-

Naruto closed his laptop after sending off some important emails, he looked at the clock and saw he had 40 minutes till he needed to meet this stranger at a bar down town.  By the looks of his search on google, the bar seemed high end. Which only meant his date was also a businessman. Naruto let out an annoyed grumble. Each businessman had nothing but boring stuff on their mind. Naruto nearly feel asleep on his last set up date with another businessman. He wasn’t looking forward to the small talk about money and investment and blah blah blah.

Naruto reluctantly took his coat out and a creamed silk scarf, before grabbing his keys to go outside he made sure he had his phone in his pocket and wallet in his coat.

-

Naruto stepped out of the elevator from his apartment floor, were he was greeted with friendly ways from the staff and an open door to the street by the doorman. “Date tonight Naruto?” “Unfortunately.” “Not looking forward to it?” “No, it’s another businessman Sakura set me up with, so no, I am not looking forward to two hours of money talk.” The doorman chuckled lightly and patted Naruto’s shoulder lightly “well at least she’s trying.” “Yer, I know, anyways go back inside you’ll freeze to death out here.” “Okay, okay. See you later Naruto, try to have fun.” Naruto sent off a friendly wave as he opened up the car that waited for him. Before he knew it he was staring at a glistening bar from his car window seat.

-

“Naruto sir, when would you like me to pick you up?” “Oh, Shika, there is no need. I will call a cab, I know it’s your special day with Temari.” Naruto winked at his driver Shikamaru and nagged him playfully. “Naruto, only if you’re sure. I told Temari we could do a special night a different day!” “Heck no! Go enjoy yourself buddy, thanks for driving me. Now go and seduce your lady.” Naruto beamed a cheeky smile and Shikamaru knew this wasn’t a conversation he was going to win. He thanked Naruto and drove off into the mess of traffic.

Naruto looked back at the bar which was equipped with several security guards and golden stair cases. Naruto could see the bar had several gold chandeliers with velvet seats for a relaxing and luxurious experience.

Naruto questioned what kind of bar this was, he hadn’t been to a bar this fancy in years, last time it was for a formal meeting with one of his future investors. Naruto felt strongly out of place, even though he lived in this world of high end fashion and business he never did seem to mix well with the crowd.

Naruto stepped forward toward the stairs and gradually made it up the golden tower to be greeted by a friendly staff at the door, who held a golden list. “God afternoon sir, may I ask your name to see if we have you on the list.” “Oh sure, its Naruto Uzumaki.” The staff found Naruto’s named and allowed him entry into the dazingly bar, which seemed more like a golden palace to him.

“Sir Uzumaki, I see you will be accompanied by another man named Garra, he unfortunately has yet to arrive. If you would like to follow me I will get you seated in the bar area, were you are welcome to pick from our finest wines or champagnes and snack on our complimentary hors d'oeuvres until his arrival.” Naruto was shocked with the level of service this place acquired, he wouldn’t even want to start imagining the starting prices to the champagnes, but he sure would remember the end bill if his date turned out to be boring-ville and make Sakura pay him off for life. “Thank you very much, madam.”

Naruto took a seat on one of the bar stools, with was covered in a soft red fabric. He immediately brought out his phone to tell Sakura that his date was already late and that she should prepare to send him her life savings on how much this night was going to cost him. Before he could finish the message, he noticed someone directly in front of him, behind the other end of the counter.

What Naruto felt at that moment was something indescribable, a feeling of pure wonderment. He was frozen in time and space; his heart had completely stopped and he felt his mind going hazy. “Good afternoon Mr. Uzumaki, my name is Sasuke Uchiha. I will be your host this evening and will be providing all your services from now on. Here at the Golden palace bar we have at least 1 permanent staff with each group, couple or single which walks in so that you will have constant and professional service throughout the evening. If you wish to order from our menu, please don’t hesitate to ask. If not, I will be here when needed.”

Naruto felt like this moment with Sasuke lasted for an eternity, he couldn’t stop looking at the man. He seemed like a god, especially with the golden bar features sparking and glistening around him. His skin was porcelain, his eyes deep black which showed years of history behind them, he seemed like a statue, something unreal or untouchable.

“Uh sorry I don’t usually come to these types of places; do you have a preferred choice of wine to start me off?” Naruto had no idea what he was saying, he sounded like a confused robot unsure what human emotions were. His voice seemed off and his whole body swayed in confusion. “Absolutely Mr. Uzumaki I will grab the house wine, one of the best wines in the world, it will be a great starter for you.”

As Sasuke walked away to grab the wine Naruto regained consciences. He had never met a man so beautiful in his life, he would dare say he just feel in love in an instance.  Naruto’s mind dazed off towards Sasuke until he was jerked back into reality when his phone buzzed aggressively in his pocket. His illusion of taking his host and running away with him bridal style out of this place and back to his was shortly broken by the phones buzzing.

He saw the message was from an unknown number and Naruto curiously opened it. Hey Naruto, this is your date Garra, Sakura gave me your number. I know this sounds bad, but I’m running late. I’m so sorry. I got caught up with work, as you are familiar with. I will be there in 30 minutes. Naruto looked at his phone with a huge gleam, the more time Garra takes the more he can drool over his host. Take your time, the service here is amazing, so I am being well taken care off.

“Ahem.” Naruto looked up to see a beaming Sasuke, he lowered the glass of wine to Naruto with utter precision and elegance. “Here you are sir, I hope you enjoy its fine texture.” Naruto took a sip of the wine and was hit with a perfect mix of grapes, roasted nuts and cherries. It went down delightfully, leaving a fresh and fruity taste on the pallet. “Wow this is amazing, I’m not much of a wine drinker, but I must admit this is beautiful.��� Sasuke let out a small chuckle “I’m glad.”

Naruto stared at Sasuke wondering what this man would be like outside of work, he craved to know everything about Sasuke. “Mr. Uzumaki, I will adjourn to the kitchen to receive your hors d'oeuvres, I shall only be a few moments.” Naruto felt empty when Sasuke’s presence at vanish, he was completely intoxicated by this man’s energy, his angelic nature and hypnotizing smile. Naruto craved for more, he hadn’t felt like this ever in his life. One look into his dark black eyes and Naruto could sense Sasuke held an ocean within them and Naruto had only seen a tear drops worth. He wanted to know what lay behind that wall of professionalism, elegance and peritonism that Sasuke had currently laid out in front of Naruto.

Sasuke returned with a steaming plate of hors d'oeuvres, full of rich colour and taste. As much as Naruto was melting with how delicious the flavour was in his mouth, he craved to find out more from Sasuke.

“So Sasuke, am I allowed to talk to you, seeming as my date is late?” “Of course, Mr. Uzumaki.” “Okay first don’t call me that ever again, hahaha. Just call me Naruto.” “Of course, Naruto.” Naruto’s heart felt like an arrow had just raced through his heart. His name has never sounded so beautiful, he wished to hear nothing but his name coming from those lips for hours. “So Sasuke, what do you do. Besides work at this fancy joint?” “I am a student at an IVY league school here in the city.” “Oh wow, so smart huh? I kind of got those vibes from you.” “Hm.”

“You know you more thank welcome to ask me anything, I feel like I’m a stalker if I’m the one asking all the questions.” Naruto took a sip of his wine, feeling his pallet being cleansed from the rich taste of hors d'oeuvres. “If you wish Naruto. I’m not used to asking costumers details, if you feel like I am-““Relax man, I am properly the chilliest guy you will ever have to deal with in this fancy place, there is no need to be so polite around me.” Sasuke had a questioning glare, unsure how to respond or move his body in a ‘relaxing manner’. “Hahah, you really aren’t used to letting loose.” “No, I’m not unfortunately.”

After Sasuke refilled Naruto’s glass of wine, Sasuke began to speak in an insecure tone. “So… Naruto, what do you do, besides go on dates on Valentines?” Naruto was confused if he should tell Sasuke who he was and what he did, or to stay quiet. “Oh, nothing much, I work in a sports shop. My date is super fancy and rich so he dragged me here.” “He?” “Yer, Im gay. Does that bother you.” “Absolutely not Mr. Uzumaki! Im sorry if it seemed that way.” “Relax, it’s okay.”

Naruto loved how flustered Sasuke had gotten from that statement and he wished to pull every emotion out of the man. Everything he did amazed Naruto, he felt like every move he made was as hypnotizing as the next. His heart grew louder and louder with each subtle chuckle and smile Sasuke allowed to surface.

“Yer, for some reason I tend to attract the wrong sort of guys, so my friend set me up with this fancy business man who set this whole date up.” “Does your differences in careers not bother you?” Naruto thought about this literally, he knew this man was from a very successful starter company which concentrate on the stock market. A world Naruto had extreme distaste for. “Well money isn’t the issue, it’s just we are from different worlds, you know?” Sasuke nodded politely and went to refill Naruto’s glass of wine.

“Naruto, I hope your date goes well tonight, you seem lovely and defiantly different than a lot of the people who come in here.” Naruto jaw hurt from how wide he smiled, this man, Sasuke, was something different. Naruto had never felt so determined to have someone, to know them inside and out. But he surely found his target, someone unforgettable. “Thank you Sasuke. Question how old are you?” “Im 21, yourself?” “21 as well, Haha, small world”.

-

Naruto was so entranced in his conversation with Sasuke that he nearly forgot the real reason he was at this bar. He was shortly reminded when he was tapped on the shoulder. “Hi Naruto, sorry I’m late.” Naruto turned around to be greeted by a rather attractive man, nothing compared to Sasuke. He seemed like he had layer of fakeness around him, covering him like sand. He knew this man had a hardened business shell just by the look of his uniform and that the next hour or so was going to be full of money talk. “Oh hey, um its fine, don’t worry about it, Sasuke our host was keeping me quite entertained.

-

2 hours had past and Naruto felt like his energy had been sucked out of him, he never was a big fan when it came to money. He felt like money blinded you from the real things in life, like joy and gratitude. A lot of the businessman he met had been simular, Garra seemed kinder than many of the dates he had, but he still carried on with work and investments. Naruto didn’t know if he was allowing his perspective on Garra to be blurred by the fact that he wasn’t Sasuke.

After meeting an angel nothing could compare. As desert was taken away by Sasuke and other friendly staff members, Naruto decided to call it a night, using work in the morning as an excuse to head home. Both men fought to pay the bill, but in the end in was Naruto who turned out to be successful, which he instantly regretted when he saw the check for 7500 dollars.

-

Naruto thanked Garra for the night and sent him off in a taxi whilst he waited for a taxi to be sent for him. As he waved Garra off he looked back to the bar which was slowly finishing off with their last customers. Naruto ran back to the door to be greeted with the same friendly staff which aided him in.

“Mr. Uzumaki, did you leave something?” “Uh no, I was just wondering, if Sasuke was still in there. I just wanted to thank him for being such a good host.” “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Uzumaki, he has left already, you and Garra were his last costumers assigned to him. I’m very sorry, I will let him know next time.” Naruto felt his heart sink drastically wanting to see Sasuke at least one more time before he disappeared into a dream. “Thank you, madam. May I ask you a question?” “Certainly.” “Can you request for a particular host when you book with this bar?” “Yes, you may, it’s part of the experience, if you enjoyed your host you can reserve them for the evening and every other time you come in. Because we have such high demands, the minimum amount for the evening is 5000, but if you wish to reserve him you may have to pay additional fees so that other costumers which also request him are outbid by you.” “Wow, sounds complex. Does Sasuke have a lot of costumers coming in for him?” “Yes, he is one of our best host, with the most expensive evening rates, everyone who tries to reserve him gets outbid by a gentleman named Orochimaru who ends up paying around 10,000- 15,000 to reserve him. I believe Mr. Orchimaru is out of the town for the moment so Sasuke had a free slot available and that’s why you got him for tonight.” “Okay, thank you very much. Can you book me in for next Saturday with Sasuke and I will pay 5000 more than any offer that comes through?”

The young girl looked at Naruto with disbelief, but quickly jotted it down on her piece of paper. “Absolutely Mr. Uzumaki, will you be coming with Garra?” “No, just me.” “No problem, all sorted, we shall see you on Saturday.”

-

Naruto went back to the street content and determined to win Sasuke over, he wanted to know more about him, he didn’t even care if nothing happened between them he just wanted to spend more time around him amongst his alluring presence.

“I’m not sure how someone who works in a shop could afford that much. You sure are a mysterious character Naruto.” Naruto’s heart started melting at the sound of that rich tone which hypnotized him to walk towards it owner. “You caught me.” Naruto smiled cheekily as he looked towards Sasuke who lent against a black Ducati. “I’m not sure how a student can afford that, mysterious aren’t we Uchiha?” “I guess we are both frauds.” “I guess so.” Naruto liked this version of Sasuke he seemed utterly different than the one he met inside the bar, he had more soul and character. But alas his eyes remained the same, a wall covering the sea that swirled behind them, Naruto needed to know who Sasuke Uchiha was.

“Want a ride back to your shack?” “On that?” Naruto never went on a motorbike before, but he had always dreamed to drive one. Though his investors would properly kill him. “Uh. I don’t know.” “You scared Uzumaki? Wow didn’t pick you to be the fragile kind.” “Tch, fine Uchiha, only because you owe me, seeming as I’m paying 15 grand to see you again on Saturday.”

Sasuke tossed over a helmet and jumped on the motorbike. Naruto was terrified but at the same time he felt so alive. His hairs were on end with the amount of adrenaline which rushed within his veins. A huge engine noise ignited which sent the Ducati into a monstrous rumble. Within a few seconds Sasuke got Naruto’s address and was zooming down the city.

-

Naruto was so terrified and excited that without realizing it he started clinging desperately to Sasuke’s waist. He nuzzled so closely to the man that he could easily smell Sasuke’s cologne, he wasn’t made aware of how close he had gotten until they were parked in front of his Apartment complex. “Sorry for clinging on to you so hard, I just thought I was going to die the entire time.” “Don’t worry everyone is like that their first time on a motorbike.”

“Do you take a lot of your girlfriends on you Ducati to impress them?” “Tch, no. Plus women aren’t really my style as well.” “Oh, you’re also gay?” “Yer, didn’t think it was appropriate to announce that whilst I was at work.” “Oh no, it’s cool. Well anyways thanks for the lift. I guess I will see you Saturday.” “I guess so.” Naruto and Sasuke stood there for what seemed forever, staring into each other eyes. Each one waiting for the other to move.

Naruto made himself turn away, he knew all he wanted to do was to kiss Sasuke, he was falling madly in love with someone he met only hours ago, and he knew that was insanity. So, to save himself, he made sure he walked away and didn’t do something stupid.

As Naruto got close to the glass door, he quickly turned around to see Sasuke hadn’t moved yet. “Hey Uchiha, you better be worth my 15 thousand dollars, I expect great service.” Naruto closed his eyes and smiled cheerfully. When suddenly he felt warm lips quickly leave its mark on his check. “Ille try my best, shop boy.”

Before Naruto could open his moth to respond or make his body move Sasuke had swiftly driven away on his Ducati leaving a trail of smoke and the softening sound of an engine rumble in its mist.

-

Naruto knew it, He had found the one and for once in his life he didn’t hate Sakura for setting him up. He was determined Sasuke was going to be in his life for a very long time. And if things worked out, he could make him stay for ever.

Naruto looked up to the moon which shined brightly amongst the stars which twinkled around it.  It reminded him of Sasuke in the bar with the golden features illuminating behind him as he stood their glowing the brightest amongst it all.

[scummy-writes]

Hi, can you do a hc about the rfa (and v and saeran, if you write about them) on a mc that they have met before when she was drunk and was flirting with them really smoothly? And then the storylines happens and she doesn't remember them but they do?

(*´ω｀*) np! I wonder if I’d flirt when drunk….So far when I’m tipsy I just get really stubborn. I think the RFA would have a handful dealin with me, haha!

Zen

-When he finally met you in person, he suddenly realized why your voice seemed so familiar.

-You were that chick from about a month back!

-But…You didn’t seem embarrassed? You just smiled and joked just like you did on the chat (albeit with a bit more blushing). Did you even remember?

-He sure did. He remembered just hanging out with his fellow co-actors, just relaxing at a local bar he enjoyed and having a few beers. He was used to women coming up to him and trying to flirt, but uh…Not drunk women who didn’t realize who he was.

-”You- You know? You look a LOT, like a LOT, like this actor guy dude from the local theater. God, you should just see that dude. His name is? Is uh. Zenny? Something I can’t fucking, remember…But god I’d lick his abs, he’s so handsome. You look like that guy man! That cool guy. That beautiful dude.”

-Oh my god. He felt so fucking embarrassed for you. You just kept going and going, not realizing the whole time, until your friends finally dragged you back home.

-He thought of that scene a few times, but oh my god, your friends never told you? (GOOD FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS)

-He decided NOT to bring it up then, not when the two of you were finally meeting in person for the second first time. 

-(A few weeks later, he finally brought it up. Your face was so red as you called your friends for confirmation. When they finally admitted what had happened, you just stood in embarrassed Shock. Until Zen finally admitted you were the one girl who managed to flirt with him at a bar and he actually got interested in you.)

Jaehee

-Jumin had given her so ‘free’ time. Which was, of course, allowing her to go on a wine tasting event with him. It was a bit better than working (and he’d probably have her set up a few meetings anyway), so she agreed.

-She didn’t drink often, but she could see how some lightweights could become overwhelmed with the all the samples.

-At least, that’s the excuse she came up for you. God, as soon as she heard your voice on the phone, she instantly remembered how drunk you had gotten at that simple wine tasting event. But you didn’t remember her? It stung a little, but you were…Very. Very drunk.

-She remembered you trying to casually walk towards her. She thought you were wanting to talk to her about Jumin, praying that it wasn’t about how you could get a date with him. But when you slid your arm around hers and slurred, she nearly had her heart stop.

-”You-You are literally the only pretty person here. These dudes are so uuugly. Oh my god, how come rich guys can’t even look decent half the time. Do you like girls? I like girls. I’m a girl. You’re a girl. Lets. Lets hang out. Blow this popsicle stands. We’ll have fun.”

-When security dragged you away (Jumin’s doing, with light murmurs of complaints from him), Jaehee had to try her best not to blush and laugh.

-You were cute, but oh my god she had never been flirted with like that.

-As the two of you started dating, she never, ever mentioned it. Not until about a year later after a night you had gotten tipsy again, and thankfully you two just laughed together about it.

Jumin

-As soon as he heard you voice, he knew it was familiar. A nice one, something that didn’t urk him that much.

-Seeing you in person made him immediately want to ban all wine from the RFA party. How you were so shameless he never understood.

-A few months back, he had attended an event that allowed for extra guests to be brought. He didn’t really remember which one. He had went to so many they just blurred together at times.

-He did, however, remember clearly of a drunken woman suddenly grasping his arm. He immediately was annoyed, thinking it was some other woman who had tried flirting with him earlier, but when it was someone new, he gave you a moment to talk.

- “These rich dudes are so. Boring. Are you boring too? You look cool. You look…Cool. Not borin’. Not borin’ at alllllll. Do you wanna be not boring together? Like. The dude who brought me doesn’t even know where I am. Fuck em. Fuck em all. I’d even fuck you if you’d lemme.”

-Oh my god.

-Security had came and gotten you later, and he just sighed and fixed his sleeve. He thought you were ridiculous. 

-So at the RFA party, when you said you were introducing yourself the first time, he called you out on it. It wasn’t the first time you two had met.

-He ended up going in full detail, exactly what you said, how your hair was messed up, how everything about you was just. Embarrassing.

-Your first RFA party was filled with many embarrassing moments after that, especially from a teasing Seven.

Seven

-He was just hanging out with Zen when the drunk you came sauntering up, looking strangely confident and slightly confused.

-He almost pulled his phone out, getting ready to film what was possibly Zen’s most embarrassing moment.

-Instead, his hands froze when you passed by Zen and went directly to him.

-“You’re. You’re weird lookin. Not in a bad way though. Like. You look weird but cool. Cute. Yeaaah. I like redheads. Are you into girls? Or guys? Because i wanna. I wanna take ya out.”

-Omg. He was dying. He never really had this happen before, and Zen’s shocked expression was totally worth it.

-Before he could give you a reply, your friends finally found you and pulled you away while spouting apologies.

-So when he found out exactly who you were when he did his background check, he laughed so hard

-He wouldn’t bring it up with the others around (Maybe Zen), but he’d tease the FUCK outta you about it.

-“I guess you got what you wanted, huh?”

Yoosung

-Poor baby. He’d NEVER bring it up to you, except on his deathbed.

-He had finally agreed to go to the bar Zen wanted to take him to. He was a bit nervous because of how often he was being carded. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking!!

-Of course, to make matters worse, there were girls flirting with Zen constantly. He was just here as a third wheel!

-He watched as another girl kinda. Stumbled over to Zen. Great. He couldn’t even have drunk girls- Oh god she was going to him, not Zen!

-“Heyaaa, cutie? You’re preeeetty young, huh? Barely able to get in here huh? Hahaha.. but you’re so so cute. Hey, cutie, gimme your phone number! I’ll be your girlfriend!”

-Oh my god. Oh. My god. He was mortified. Even Zen was watching! Oh my god.

-Before he could gather the courage to respond, he saw a few girls come and drag you away, full of scolding and giggles.

-That night, Zen just laughed and patted your back.

-Of course Zen wasn’t laughing now as Yoosung kissed you, vowing to keep that memory to himself.

-(Until Zen told you literally a day later)

V

-V didn’t really go to bars or anything of the sort. But when he visited exhibitions, especially ones he was also featured in, they tended to offer wine to drink.

-Unfortunately, not everyone could hold their alcohol.

-He watched a woman stumble a bit, quietly murmuring to several different pictures.

-Eventually she made over to where he was standing.

- “God. I love this one. This. This is a good one. Better than the others. Wait. No, that’s mean. Those are good too. But this one, this one is like. Good good.”

-Oh god. He was trying his best not to laugh. He decided to stand beside his own just in case he could answer questions, or interest people in more of his works. He was not expecting this.

- “But man. This guy has to be sooo fun to be with. I’d love to date this guy! Have coffee! Talk about. Flowers and shit. God, I’d probably sleep with him too.”

- Wow?? He didn’t even know how to respond. So… He didn’t. He watched you sleepily study his picture and… Walk away.

-Flash to him finally meeting you after the RFA party, and you didn’t seem to remember him OR his pictures at all.

-He worried a bit if his pictures just didn’t last well in people, but when you looked as if you never saw them, he concluded maybe you just didn’t remember that day whatsoever.

-Later on, when you two had been together, he always kept you away from the wine at his exhibits. When you questioned him about this, he finally told you about the first time he met you.

-Needless to say, you never drank at exhibitions ever again

Saeran

-The first time he met you, before the whole RFA mess, was at a bar.

-Needless to say, he pegged you as a target before you really said anything.

-He had watched you from a corner, just basically watching everyone. He was just trying to see what the fuss was about with bars.

-The drunks were annoying. And stupid. Annoyingly stupid.

-But… He wasn’t expecting a decent looking one come to him and try hitting on him.

-He watched, slightly amused, as you stumbled over your words.

-“You’re a little black parade looking punk, aren’t you? Lookin. All tough. And like a punk. Very punky. Can I sit with you, punk? You’re. Cute punk. Yeah! I like punk stuff too, imma even gonna get this badass tattoo one day, man! Whoop!”

-He didn’t even manage to give a response before you sat down and promptly conked the fuck out.

-He didn’t really know what to do, and since he didn’t feel like getting mixed up in anything, he left the bar before any of your friends could question him.

-So when the two of you finally met in person, and you introduced himself, he just laughed for a while.

-“Do you not remember me?”

-After a brief explanation, he ended up laughing for a looong time with how red you had gotten. He actually joined Seven in teasing you.

[hereticaloracles]

Fuckstrology: Cancer

(Family members who follow me, please don’t read this one. Please)

Helios on Cancer– Here we are, at last, Heretics… Cancer. I saved this one for last because it is the story I didn’t want to tell- my greatest failure in love. Whatever you read below, I want you all to know that I am the same person who started this back in the age of Astrogeek’s Skywatch- You have never not known this version of me. Please don’t think any differently of me, and most of all, I beg that you do not pity me. That’s not what this series is for, and pity is the LAST thing I have ever wanted. Anyway, let me lay my soul bare one more time for you all.

Cancers are amazing. They frequently get forgotten in the whole zodiac propaganda machine, stuck between loud-ass Leo and annoying-ass Gemini, both thinking they are the universes’ gift to everyone around them. Cancer gets the image of being the mother, soft and nurturing, allowing for emotional acceptance and deep connections- but is that all they are? Cancers are also crazy in their own way, being the type to chase someone around the house and out the door with a frying pan, just because they happened to have some other girl or guy double tap their selfie on Instagram or dm them nudes. Overreaction much?

The thing you have to know about Cancer is that they are fragile. They put up this facade of false strength, trying to emulate Leo or Aries and pretend that their heart isn’t made of eggshell. This is because they are all hurt, and trying to deal with it, but not push it on anyone else- they can’t help when their pain leaks out of the cracks, however. Underneath the fragile outside of a Cancer, you have an ocean of emotion- full of deep love, sentimentality, pain, and loss; and Cancer always has stories. They hold onto so much that they should throw out, just because they have strong emotions to it and its familiar to them; The famous example is a box under their bed filled with childhood treasures and old love letters, kept just to remind them of better times. This can apply to people as well- Cancer hangs on more than any sign, except maybe Scorpio (who is honestly just Cancer with weapons after they drop the eggshell facade). If you are lucky enough to gain a Cancer’s trust and they let you into their emotional world, letting you plumb their depths, you will find that underneath the pain and love there is a core of solid diamond to them. Cancer can be one of the strongest, most determined signs in love that there is, being able to weather any storm or hardship, willing to sacrifice anything for the ones they love. Hell, if you have a Scorpio, Aries and a Capricorn up against a Cancer in an arena/deathmatch situation, I would bet anything on the Cancer.

….

Okay, deep breath Helios. You can tell this story. It’s time to face it.

Remember, please don’t think of me any differently. That’s all I ask.

When I was ending high school, I was very, very sick. I have written about this before, and it changed the entire course of my life. I ended up going in and out of doctors offices daily, having all sorts of tests to try and find out what was wrong with me. Nothing worked, and I lost about 80lbs in less than two months, my teeth were falling out, and my throat was collapsing. I barely managed to walk across the stage to get my diploma (after my Scorpio mom fought tooth and nail to get me to graduate even though I missed so much school) and shortly after I was having surgery that didn’t fix the problem so much as make it more manageable.

Well, due to medical science not having any clue what was wrong with me, I turned further to the occult and non-traditional healing methods, learning more about body energetics and reinforcing my health with crazy things like deep earth magic and shit- I was desperate. This caused me to seek out other people who knew more about these things than I did, and with the internet helping to connect more and more of us I found several (this was in the full myspace and Xanga days before Facebook overtook everything). One of them was this amazing girl named Terra, who was into Alchemy. I  fell for her as soon as we met- she was living the full emo aesthetic but had this long blond hair and eyes blue like the ocean. Her laugh was infectious, and I did everything I could to hear it as often as possible. We started dating and she tried to help me fix what was wrong with me, along with the rest of our group (I refuse to call us a coven, I’m not a nerd). As often happens with young romance, she ended up pregnant.

This changed our relationship dramatically, as you could imagine. All of a sudden the extroverted, happy girl I knew became sullen and far more dependent on my emotional and financial support, and I swear I tried to be the best guy I could for her. I was even shopping for rings. My love for her was real, but her pain was deeper. You see, her parents had died in a car crash about 5 years before I met her, and she lived with an aunt who didn’t much care what happened to her. I wanted to save her from that. We talked about marriage, who our children would be (because she was pregnant with twins) and dreamed about our life. We also fought a lot. We feared the future but knew we both needed the other one in it.

One night, after a particularly bad fight, I stormed out to walk around the city moodily, as any self-respecting emo kid would have. I smoked and stared out over a bridge for a few hours, then went to the mall to pick up a present for her to apologize for fighting and try and make up for it. I remember it was a white bear. I… I went back to her place and… *sighs* While I was out, she had slit her wrists in the bathtub. She had no pulse. Her aunt wasn’t home and… it was just me. I am ashamed to say the sight caused me to run out of the house. I kept running. I remember I eventually just stopped somewhere and screamed.

By this point, I was already drinking and stripping at a local gay bar (Hey, I had abs for the first time in my life, and I was going to take full advantage of the situation- no matter how bad of a dancer I was!) and I started drinking much harder. I turned to pills, and after that, heroin. Anything to try to get the sight of her in that bathtub out of my head. I couldn’t sleep and ended up dating a drug dealer to try to get free weed and pills. I just kept thinking about how I couldn’t save her. About how the future we planned was never going to happen now. I was never going to be a father now. I was in the darkest place imaginable, and I did everything I could to run from the pain. Since I never told my family about her, or my main friends, only our little group knew her- and I couldn’t face them. So I tried to move on and forget. I threw away the pictures we had and the notes we shared. I killed off her memory and removed anything that reminded me of her- something I regret now, and something that I tend to do regularly. I started having a lot of random sex and ended up becoming a prostitute (because if you’re good at something, never give it away for free!) but that only stopped the pain for a few minutes. I refused to let anyone get close to me, and made it a point to “cut out my heart”, stop feeling anything, good or bad. Only recently, when I was living in Denver, did I start to change that and start letting people in. Hell, since I started letting myself feel again. It hasn’t been easy, and I have a lot of emotional growth to do. But I am working on it.

So I ask you again- Please don’t think any differently of me. Please don’t pity me. I am the same Helios I have always been. You have never known me without carrying this pain. I don’t share this to elicit sympathy, I share this story because this is part of the series that allows me to hold up a mirror to myself in love and relationships and that has become therapeutic. I have not always been the good guy, and I have made many mistakes. I’m only human.

Fuckstrology: Cancer was originally published on Heretical Oracles

[smoothshift]

2000 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am - My Ownership Experience via /r/cars

2000 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am - My Ownership Experience

Hello all, I’m bored and home sick right now so I decided to write a review of my ownership of my 2000 Trans Am. A little background on the 4th gen F body real quick. The 4th generation Firebird and camaro began in 1993. You could have the 160 HP 3.4L V6 or the 275 HP LT1 V8. V8 manuals featured the new T56 6 speed transmission. The F bodies were face lifted in 1998, along with new power train options. The 3800 V6, or the legendary LS1 V8. This facelifted V8 era F body are highly sought after and have been going up in value. The official HP rating of the LS1 F bodies is 305-325 with 340-350 lb-ft of torque, but dyno tests on stock vehicles show them making as little as 290 HP to the wheels, indicating that the factory rating is under-rated, most likely to prevent drawing sales away from the Corvette (rated 340-350 HP). From 1998 to 1999, the LS1 had EGR and the original style LS1 intake manifold. In 2000, the exhaust manifolds were redesigned to flow better, increasing the power slightly, then in 2001, EGR was eliminated and the LS6 intake manifold was used, maxing out the factory HP ratings. The cars were killed in 2002 due to difficulty in passing safety regulations (from what I’ve heard).

Now into the actual review. My car is a 2000 Trans Am with the T56 manual transmission. I purchased it in June 2016 at 99k miles for $5800 and it currently sits at a hair under 112k. The car is in bright red and has a black interior. Great combination in my opinion.

As soon as I purchased it, I drove it home for the first time with the window down. Not by choice however, but because I lowered the window briefly and the motor decided to crap out then and there. Welcome to late model GM ownership! I was able to get the window back up the next morning by slamming the door several times while holding the switch, then I ordered new Dorman window motors for both sides for just over $30 each. Replacement took about 3 hours the first time, then 45 minutes for the other side once I knew what to do. The OEM motors are riveted in, and you have to drill them out and use nuts and bolts to replace the rivets. After that, I had 2 working window motors again! I then ordered a set of NGK TR55 spark plugs and MSD super conductor wires. I read up on spark plug change beforehand and read of all the horror stories of replacing plug number 8 (back of the passenger side) due to it being underneath the windshield and crammed between the chassis. I personally had no trouble getting to it. Removal of the air injection pipe and the coil packs on top of the valve cover, and a 1 inch extension on my spark plug socket, while crouching on top of the radiator support, made it easy work.

Working on this car is actually very easy. People like to give this car shit for being cramped, but I did not mind it at all. Then again, I grew up learning how to wrench on a Z32 300ZX! Parts are also fairly cheap, I picked up new OEM ACDelco water pump and alternator for about $100 each, and it also ended up needing a power steering pump for less than that. It also needed tires, so I upgraded to some OEWheelsLLC C7 style 17” wheels and put BFGoodrich Gforce comp2 all season 275/40ZR17 tires on. It made a huge difference over the no name 245 tires it had previously. Stock tire size is adequate for the V6, but the LS1 is a little overwhelming for them, and a 275 upgrade is necessary for the V8s. The WS6 did come with 275 in the rear only, but not the Trans Am or Formula. My car has the upgraded “Monsoon” sound system. It sucks. 3/6 speakers are blown and I have to keep the bass on zero just to make it usable. I don’t care though, I have a Borla sound system!

That takes me to the exhaust. The LS1 is entirely different from the original small block chevy and shares maybe 1 bolt with it. It doesn’t have the old school deep grumble glugluglugluglugluglug you expect from a 5.7L American V8. Instead, the even firing order gives it a much more steady, and modern growl that turns into almost a roar as you go through the RPM. I’ve never heard stock exhaust on this car, so I can’t comment on that, but I’m talking about how it sounds with my rather aggressive Borla. It is only a catback, it has stock headers and cats and Y pipe. And honestly, the sound it has now is almost perfect. It’s not too loud but it’s loud enough that it makes you giggle. Any louder and it would be too annoying.

The interior of the car feels like sitting in a fisher-price toy. It’s all hard cheap plastic. The seats are leather but they ripped on mine, hence the seat covers. I find the seats particularly uncomfortable, and usually can’t stand driving the car for more than 30 minutes at a time without needing to get out and stretch. The back of the seat curves towards the back and puts you at a slouching angle. Side bolsters are ok, but they don’t really hold you in too great, I find myself bracing my leg against the sides to keep me in place around fast turns. I think the black interior looks cool, but in any other color it looks ugly and has an inescapable “old car” look.

As far as issues with the car, well I’ve already addressed the window motors, by far the most common issue. Another issue that everyone is always asking about: the headlight motors. Well I hate to disappoint you, but my headlight motors have worked 100% since I got the car and I’ve never even had a single hiccup with them. The T tops leak, as you can imagine. My car has new T top seals but that doesn’t matter, it’s inevitable. They did it when the cars were brand new. If I’m stopped in the rain it will drip on the door a little bit, but it stops once you start moving and the rain doesn’t hit on top of the car. I dealt with a power steering leak that appeared to be coming from the pump, so I replaced the pump and then experienced more leakage a few months later. It began as a single drip every few days, to topping off the fluid every other week, and I finally realized that something may be wrong when I was leaving trails (yes, trails) of power steering fluid everywhere I went. I was topping it off before every drive, and it would be bone dry every time I filled it. It turned out to be a $15 high pressure hose. I replaced that this fall and haven’t had a leak since then.

Now onto the performance. Yes it’s fast. LS1s in a 3400 pound car tend to do that. Now I’m sure we’ve all heard the old “American cars can’t handle!” Well, you’re dead wrong. The only suspension modifications I’ve done apart from the tires were polyurethane sway bar end links, and UMI performance rear control arms to eliminate wheel hop (not really even a handling mod). It can take highway ramps at 55+ mph without breaking a sweat. Now there is some truth to that old saying. I’ve driven my friend’s 2002 Mustang GT and it handles like a sack of potatoes. But the F bodies sit a little lower than the mustangs and have a better suspension setup with SLA strut up front as opposed to the mustang’s modified MacPherson struts, and a 50/50 weight distribution. And with a square stance 275 tires on all 4 corners, it stops on a dime. Now, the brake pedal does take some encouragement, it’s got good bite but there’s a dead zone in the travel where it doesn’t do much. I chalk it up to the rubber hoses flexing, and I think steel braided hose would solve that, as it did on my 1990 Chevy K2500. But if you slam that brake, you’re gonna have seatbelt marks on your chest. I have never been able to engage the ABS on dry pavement.

My overall score for the car is 4.5/5. The only things I don’t like about the car are in the interior. Cheap hard plastic, and slouchy uncomfortable seats. Other than that, it’s a fantastic car and I love it. It’s fast, it’s loud, and it’s definitely a head-turner in that bright red color! I’ve had plenty of men in their 50s-60s give me the thumbs up or ask me if it’s got “the 350” in it. It gets surprisingly very good gas mileage. I get close to, if not, 30 mpg on the PA turnpike. With these aerodynamics, and a 6th gear ratio of .5:1 (~1500 RPM at 70 mph) it makes sense. There’s an unlimited aftermarket to allow you to turn this thing into a street cruiser, dragster, or autocrosser. These cars have so much performance potential for the money.

The car is for sale in NJ if anyone is interested feel free to message me.