#because jay isn’t able to distance himself from pain of other people

[yvtro]

i genuinely think that jason could and would be content with an ordinary life, especially if bruce were a civilian too. in another life i would have really enjoyed just being your son. a 10pm bedtime and slippers instead of pixie boots.

[nct-oli]

Teh… TEH.

Listen, as someone with anxiety, I know very well what it’s like to be so afraid of getting hurt, so afraid of being disappointed, so afraid of vulnerability that you inflict the pain on yourself instead. You close yourself off to the people you love, and you push them away when you need them most.

You expect them to break your heart, slowly, through small disappointments, but instead you never give them that chance. You never give them the chance to hurt you.

You cause it yourself, and that hurts just as much.

We’re watching Teh do exactly that, hurt himself so that Oh-Aew can’t hurt him. He’s so fearful of change, because he believes change causes pain. And he watches this man he fell in love with evolve and grow, as a human should and does, and he expects the feelings to fade.

And are we surprised? Not only has he feared changed with the other people in his life but he’s done this with Oh-Aew before. When they were children and Oh-Aew started acting. Sure, maybe it was some jealousy, but I think what really scared Teh was knowing things would change between them.

So he pushed Oh-Aew away and caused them both pain. For years. He did it then, and he’s doing it now.

Oh-Aew is trying. You can see it. He so badly wants Teh to see him, to understand him, to love him, through all of the changes. Oh-Aew is finding himself and experimenting. He’s challenging the ideas he had for himself, and he’s happier because of it. He glows.

And sure, maybe some of it won’t stick. Maybe the red hair won’t last, or the fashion will be different one day, or he’ll sell the car. Perhaps one day he’ll find a new passion that isn’t advertising… perhaps he’ll thrive there instead.

Teh loves the idea of who Oh-Aew was, not who he is. The ever evolving human being that he has before him. He’s closing his eyes for fear that what he sees is something he won’t like, and he’s missing the beautiful man that Oh-Aew is becoming. He’s wasting this journey they could be taking together because he’s too afraid they’ll take different paths.

It’s tragic, really, how Teh unknowingly caused their distance. And don’t get me wrong. It isn’t all Teh’s fault that they have found themselves in a fog. Physical distance and differing schedules made their relationship harder to maintain, a challenge they hadn’t faced before. And the communication… well, that hasn’t been great from either end, honestly.

But here we see Oh-Aew wanting to make the effort. Maybe not always perfectly. Sometimes he falls asleep during the plays or can’t keep up, but he wants to be there. He wants to create the poster and he wants Teh to sleep beside him in bed.

Yet Teh’s fear of vulnerability is blinding him from seeing how much Oh-Aew does care.

The end of episode 3 hurt, despite the build up and knowing something like that was coming.

The way I see it, Teh never stopped yearning for intimacy; he wants those feelings of closeness with someone. But he convinced himself he couldn’t feel that with Oh-Aew, or at least not with Oh-Aew the way he is today.

Now, I do believe that you can develop feelings for another person while you’re in a monogamous relationship. I don’t think Teh’s sudden feelings for Jai are necessarily fake. But I do think an element of them is his misplaced longing for that intimacy, and he didn’t catch himself as those feelings for Jai developed.

If Teh truly believed he liked Jai and no longer liked Oh-Aew, I’d say he should have broken up with Oh-Aew and pursued his new feelings. Maybe not the popular answer, but if he genuinely believed his relationship was irreparable, or he felt his feelings for Jai were too strong and too real to deny, I’d want him to follow that instead. Prolonging the inevitable would only hurt Oh-Aew, and himself, more.

But he doesn’t believe any of that, and he knows it. And while him having sex with Oh-Aew was partially for the play, I also think he found safety and comfort in the familiarity of it. It clearly wasn’t just sex; it was tender and beautiful, and very much intimate. As he had been longing for. The morning after in bed was so gentle and loving, not because he was practicing for his acting but because he missed Oh-Aew. There was a welcomed comfort having him in his arms and close enough for morning kisses.

Which is why him putting himself in a situation where his still unchecked feelings for Jai could take over is just… so frustrating. Alcohol? An empty room? An acting exercise on intimacy?

Is it that the fear of vulnerability came back after he was vulnerable once again with Oh-Aew? After he remembered again that the Oh-Aew he had sex with that night was not the same Oh-Aew he had sex with 3 years ago on the beach? After he again refused to see the man before him as he is, not as he was?

Is it that he was riding on the high of finally feeling that intimacy again that he had been craving? Knowing he had found it with Oh-Aew but subconsciously knowing he had wanted it with Jai too?

Or is it just that he is a damn fool to have been so careless?

I know what it is like to fear vulnerability, and I understand how Teh got himself here.

But that doesn’t mean I am not disappointed in him.

Teh never should have let these feelings get too far, and now he’s broken something that he’ll probably never be able to fully repair.

[creativeashproductions]

Mountains and Lessons // Luke Patterson

Summary: A bucket list item Reggie had had was to experience a white Christmas. He ended up dying before hand and his opportunity brings up. All Luke wants is music and warmth, not stuck on a stupid mountain in cold Colorado. Alex is excited to get out of Californai for once.

Warning: Swearing, death, angst, Christmas themed but not Christmas and fluff

Words: 4.9k

A/N: Breaks my heart that Reggie potentially never got to experience making snow angels, snow people and join a snowball fight. But my theme appears to be angst so there’s that as well.

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Masterlist

Julie had a structured routine and schedule she liked to follow in her life, not strict but definitely a guideline. Monday to Friday, like ever minor, spent the majority of the time in a classroom. After school, she would return home straight to the kitchen for a quick snack before spreading her homework on the kitchen island. The homework was typically one hour before Julie would head out to the studio for band rehearsal.

Flynn, as the band manager, had declared Friday’s to be band free just so that Julie and Flynn could hang out. Saturday’s consisted of morning band practice, the early afternoon had a songwriting session with Luke. In the late evening after an early supper, the band would head to the gig they had gotten. Sunday’s however were strictly days off from the band no matter what, the boys would go their own ways for the day as well.

Today, for the young teenager was a Friday but Flynn had strep throat confining herself to her house. No visitors and her electronics taken away to get rest. It was incredibly dull, and no one wanted to go against Flynn’s words because she could be scary.

Julie had done her homework, did her chores, revised a new song, started a new book and added more doodles to her shoes. Now she was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling with her headphones in.

“Julie?” Ray spoke from her open bedroom door. The man received no reaction with his daughter’s head in the clouds, “Julie? I need to talk to you.”

Ray walked over to his daughter to tug the bud out of her left ear bringing the girl back down to land. The teenager sat up to look at her father.

“What’s up?”

“Can you meet me in the living room?” Ray’s blue eyes crinkled at the corners from the many laughs he had shared in his lifetime. While she was confused, Julie proceeded to follow her father down to the lively decorated room.

Carlos had already been corralled to the living room couch listlessly staring in the distance with no iPad on his person. The lack of electronic was a red flag to the musician, the girl settled on the couch while Ray shifted things on the coffee table.

Once settled on the wood coffee table, he focused on his children, “We’ve always discussed big decisions in our family. We had an open discussion of retracting our initial decision to move.”

“Is this about my bed? I can clean it! I will-“

“Carlos! This isn’t about under your bed, we do need to have a conversation about that young man.” Carlos pointed one finger in Carlos’ direction before addressing the situation, “This year is the first year we’ll celebrate Christmas without…”

“Mom.” Both Carlos and Julie murmured slumping down at the stifling reminder of the loss the Molina’s had suffered.

Julie clenched her jaw, forcing the grief down as her hand crept over to hold Carlos’ hand in comfort. The glittering of his eyes and the gnawing on his lower lip dead giveaways he was losing the battle with sadness. Ever since Julie was a kid, she had always been there for Carlos, not saying they didn’t fight. Evidence as Carlos’ requesting a normal sister.

“It’s going to be different. I got offered an excellent contract by a ski resort, we could potentially renovate the bathroom.” Ray’s eyebrows came together as the touchy topic came about.

After Rose died, it had dented the Molina’s financials with the loss of income, the money didn’t matter compared to the person. When the sun shone through the dark clouds, it had affected the way the Molina’s had to live. Of course, the Molina’s had it better than most with a house over their head and food on the table.

Ray just wanted the best for his kids.

“We could build snowmen?” Carlos gleefully exclaimed beaming at the sheer image of seeing snow in person.

“That’s the thing. The ski resort hosts a handful of parties by companies and clients. The contract is photographing the events for their website. All expenses paid and it could open doors to more clients.”

The idea tore Julie in half. Not decorating the tree with her family, Tia Victoria’s tamales that changed every year and carolling with her friends. A lot of traditions wouldn’t happen that had been constant for the Molina family. New Year Eve’s movie night with Flynn wouldn’t happen; the two girls exchanged wrapped Christmas pyjamas to wear.

On the other hand, the new scenery would distract Julie from the broken Christmas holiday without Mom. Julie always wanted to experience a white Christmas for the snow angels, the snowmen, spontaneous snowball fights, sledding and hot cocoa to warm up after the cold.

In the end, it was the glee on Carlos’ face and the excitement on her father’s that had her caving.

“Let’s do it.” Julie faked her enthusiasm before excusing herself from the conversation of Carlos’ disgusting bedroom.

The young teenager shuffled her way to the studio yearning for the piano to cheer herself up. Typically discovering the guys playing music alone infuriated the girl but at the moment she just wanted to mourn the change of Christmas.

“Hey!” Reggie spoke with a bright grin at the moping teenager. At the lack of reaction, his grin faltered, “Julie?”

Luke’s guitar solo came to an abrupt halt seeing the forlorn girl slumping on the piano bench staring listlessly at the ivory keys. The melancholy aura gave the boys a sick feeling in their bellies, Luke wondered if her grades weren’t at Ray’s standard. Alex wondered if she had a fight with Flynn and Reggie just wanted to hug her.

Reggie did so. His arms wrapped around her shoulders in comfort, and he thanked whatever deity there was at finally being able to hug her. After Caleb and the weird situation, the OG Sunset Curve turned into glow sticks touch had become prevalent. Reggie had a secret handshake with Julie. When Alex got overwhelmed over his anxiety escalated, he would braid Julie’s hair and play with her fingers; when this happened, she never physically touched him unless he asked. Luke was a different story.

Luke’s love language is obviously physical affection, he would hug the living girl, gives high fives, grasp her hand to squeeze it. He’d also sit as close as possible for their legs to touch. It was a way for Luke to feel real.

“What’s wrong, Jay?” Alex asked, approaching the piano to heave himself on top of it. His concerned blue eyes on the teenager.

“This is the first Christmas without my Mom.” She revealed, the desolation drawing Luke to be closer to his friends.

If the boys’ had beating hearts, they would have stuttered and shattered, seeing the sorrow overflow in Julie’s eyes. In a short time, they had spent with her since the first night they had come to care about each other immensely.

 “I’m so sorry,” Alex spoke scootching closer to lay his hand on the limp hand resting on the piano top. The smile of thanks warming the drummer inside.

“Dad got this perfect job at a ski resort. It’s good money, and Carlos is excited. I don’t want to spend Christmas somewhere else. I want to be here; I want to go carolling with you guys. I want New Year’s Eve movie night with Flynn, I want to fight Carlos on who gets to put the star on the tree. I want to bake cookie.” Julie broke, “Sure a white Christmas would be cool, but this is home.”

 “It’s not about where you celebrate. It’s about who you celebrate with Jules.” Luke quietly spoke up physically with them but mentally elsewhere.

His mind returned to the night in December that irrevocably altered his relationship with his parents’. He had tainted Christmas for himself and his family when he stormed out never to return. He would give anything to spend a Christmas, a birthday, or even a Mother’s Day with his parents just one more time. A consolation to the guitarist was easing his parents’ pain with Unsaid Emily.

“You’ll get to build snowmen?” Reggie questioned pouting at his lifer friend who giggled at his look of betrayal, “I was going to spend Christmas at my uncle’s place in Washington before we died.”

Reggie’s words didn’t change the sombre atmosphere, but it did flip a switch in Julie’s mind. Julie could create new traditions with her new family as well.

“We’ll get to build snowmen.”

“How? We’ll be here. You’ll be wherever the resort it.” Reggie interjected with a twisted smile at Julie’s words. The young girl rolled her eyes at him, “We can’t crash your family vacation. It’s Christmas.”

“Reg, you wouldn’t be ‘crashing’ the family vacation. You three are part of my family.” Julie’s words had to be the most touching thing the boys had heard in years, both the twenty-five dead and from 1990-1995.

“I’m so excited!” Reggie beamed, “I have to go, thank Ray!”

With that, the ghostly teenager disappeared in a bright ball of light to the house where Ray was most likely accepting the job. While Luke and Reggie didn’t know boundaries, they sure could make things better for their friends.

The giggle came from the girl bundled up in layers tossed a packed ball of snow at the enemy behind the other snow fort. The sharp laugh of her opponents warming you up more than hot cocoa, well the layers were unnecessary. But, what’s winter without the bundled up outer clothing.

“Surrender!” You called out throwing the new ball high with the hope it would land on the other person. It hit the top of the wall instead.

Lucy was just about to return fire with one of her pre-made snow weapons when the resort’s main building front door opened. Backlit by the lights giving a heavenly glow was a woman of average height. Greying hair scooped up in an elegant style, and thick clothing stood Lucy’s mom.

Your heart clenched at the visible sadness on the woman’s face as her eyes found the mountain in the distance. It had been a constant in the last seven years of the year-round residents and the plaque on the property. Lucy’s family had never properly healed from the tragic event, but they also could bear to leave the place either.

Fox & Hare Ski Resort had been in the ownership of the same family for over a hundred years, a place of happiness. A place where Lucy had loved as a massive fan of skiing and wintertime, Lucy was excited for this year the most. It was Lucy’s third year of lessons with a very well respected and highly sought out trainer.

“Bye!” Lucy spoke to the now standing young adult. Her little feet dashing to the main building for supper with her parents.

Your eyes found the parking lot as a car pulled up to one the spaces reserved for staff; his looks matched the temporary photographer. With him was a young boy and a teenage girl about your own age. All bundled up for the cold climate, but you were most surprised at the sudden appearance of three males.

They had to ghosts. If the teleporting wasn’t obvious enough, it was the lack of warm clothes. For God’s sake, one of them didn’t even have sleeves.

“Hm interesting.” You hummed scrutinizing the trio following the other three aimlessly to the building. You pegged them as about your age with a very vintage style in both fashion and hairstyles.

The luggage clicked on each transition to another board on the porch ramp for accessibility a welcome sound. Just another daily occurrence that brought peace to the individual. Unable to hold yourself back, you quickly scooped up three snowballs.

The first hit the taller boy in the back of the head. When his head swivelled, he couldn’t see the person that did it. Shaking it off, he turned back to view the mountain. Sprinting to the vast sea of trees you stopped halfway to chuck the second snowball. It hit the guy in the leather jacket.

You ducked behind the tree when he loudly protested the sudden attack. With a wicked grin, you went to send the third one before you yelped.

“Nu-uh.” The sudden voice spoke clicking his tongue. Slowly turning you saw the last boy staring you down, “You should have left Reggie for last. He’s very loud, he’s a personal alarm.”

Your mouth opened as the other two appeared, “I’ve never had a snowball fight before!”

You took a guess that was Reggie.

“I’m Y/N.” You spoke holding out for hand for the three to shake. They each introduced themselves; your first hit was Alex, the second was Reggie, and the failed hit was Luke.

“What brings you to Colorado?” You asked shoving your hands in your snow pants bouncing on the heels of your feet. The crunch of snow under them unfamiliar to the trio.

“Our band member is staying here for two weeks. Her dad got a photography gig.” Alex spoke, scanning the area, “So, are you a ghost?”

“I’m a tour guide and area expert.” You beamed revealing a big smile to the three guys standing in the powdered snow.

The cheery light in your eyes, easing the ghosts in the unfamiliar landscape, each a juxtaposition to the climate. Nodding towards the rental shop, you guided them into the average-sized building for the necessary winter wear. Seasoned with your background working in the shop, you quickly grabbed items that wouldn’t be noticed for them.

“We don’t nee-“

“Gotta live the experience. I used to work in here, so I’ve taken the liberty to group your gear. Alex, you have light blue and pink. Reggie red and black leaving the dark blue for Luke.”

You wore a seafoam green ski jacket and matching snow pants paired with the trusty black boots. While the boys dressed in the clothing you chose, you collected your things as well. As soon as they finished, they turned to see you had a snowboard lilac to the dark purple-black gradient. On the top of the board in the middle had a moon with the white foam of the ocean. On the lilac background, the deep purple cut the moon in half, the deep purple background had the lilac moon half. The black had a rough outline of a circle similar to the moon on the front with BURTON in the ring.

“I had a different board.” Your smile faltered, remembering the beautiful board your parents had gotten you for your birthday.

“What happened to it?” Luke questioned scanning the room for the board.

“It snapped in half.” You stated practically skipping out the door, “C’mon! I wanna teach you how to kill it on the mountain! Have you ever done this? Skiing or snowboarding?”

“Neither,” Alex spoke glancing around the area as you led them to the Gondola lifts that brought people to the top of the mountain. This one specifically for the beginner levels perfect for the three new friends, “We’re born and bred in California, never got the opportunity to travel outside the state.

“Well, I’ll try my very best to give you a good experience on the mountain..”

Once released from the Gondola, you jogged to the side giggling at the sight of them struggling to walk in the heavy boots. Near the Gondola, the area was the shift ski patrol building with the heated bathroom. The building along with the bench had been a new addition a few years ago. It never failed to halt you to stare at it for a handful of seconds.

“Okay, so we’ll start with the basics.” You announced clapping your hands together in the thick mittens.

Alex picked up the activity naturally with confidence and calmness he couldn’t even remember last feeling. He had to focus on his movements and directions, giving him a welcomed break from his overthinking. Luke had started his angry pout with his accurate portrayal of newborn Bambi.

“I’m just going to take a break,” Luke muttered wheezing from his sudden position staring at the sky. Taking pity on the Californian boy, you pressed the release function on his boots.

“I think Reggie’s at the ski patrol building.” You called to the boy with the fringe sulking in the direction of Reggie. It left you with Alex learning new hacks to the board.

“This is fun!” Alex shouted, raising his mouth to the sky, “Ooh Willie would love yelling up here.”

“Ghost?” You asked, receiving a nod in response, taking the time to sit down with your knees raised—the board on the edge still connected to your boots.

Alex flailed as he copied you taking in the sunset, backlight the buildings slowly turning their nights one at a time. The large main building would have a fire for everyone with supplied hot cocoa. Tomorrow the mountain would be less populated with the first of many Christmas parties. The crisp air welcomed high above the buildings you felt peace.

“Is it safe to get off the mountain at night?” Alex asked, hugging his knees to his chest, tilting his head to look at your profile.

The smile was small but warm on the girls face as Alex took in her features that had a particular contentness that is hard to attain. Alex could see in Luke when he finished a song he would deem his best work before the next song. Or Reggie at a beach bonfire with the ocean crashing faintly behind Luke’s acoustic guitar.

“Yeah.” You replied smoothly removing your board from your boots to carry it to where Luke and Reggie were. You backtracked to ensure Alex released his boots; his fast learning evident when he stood with a proud smile.

Alex and you both surveyed the area for any lost items or gear you may have forgotten about, coming up clear you continued walking. Reggie and Luke were laughing with their skiis neatly put aside. Hands locked in a fierce game of rock, paper, scissors they looked childlike and untouched by life’s hard teachings.

“I’ll put my board in the Gondola. Be right back!” You called over your shoulder. Alex looked over his shoulder to reply, but the space was empty.

“She moves fast,” Alex muttered shaking it off to jog closer to the boys. He was close to sitting down on the bench when it caught his attention.

“Whoa. That’s nasty.” Alex spoke, gaining his bandmates attention to the bench they had overlooked.

The bench was made out of two snowboards in stone and wood combinations with a gorgeous design. Pieces of the snowboard made to look like a nearly finished puzzle—a plaque on a thick post behind it.

“For the girl who changed the sport for women. Fast like a fox, as graceful as a swan, may you guide lost souls to safety.” Reggie read off the plaque. Luke’s fingers went to brush the ice and snow clouding the picture above the words.

“You guys coming?” You yelled from a distance startling all three intrigued teenage ghosts. Their eyes glanced at the edge of the board in the picture that matched the bench.

“Thanks for that by the way,” Luke spoke gesturing to the area as the Gondola moved down the mountain. His eyes greener in the dimly lit enclosure that shadowed your flustered features at the sole attention.

“I’m on the mountain every day. It was fun talking with people my age.” You informed them pleased to sit in the silence. The three took in the sunset from the height with no buildings blocking the view, “If you can’t find me, I’ll be on the mountain.”

Once back on the bottom of the mountain, the four teenagers snuck the equipment in your personal shack to dry and keep hidden for future lessons. The three guys bid farewell to find Julie in the large cabin, each with beaming smiles and stories to tell the girl.

“Where’ve you guys been?” Julie asked the ghosts in the tucked-away corner near the massive fire ceasing her scribbling to look at them, “Usually I can’t shake you. I had to sit through a safety talk by the director for the mountain.”

“This wicked girl taught us how to snowboard! She’s so cool, Julie. There’s this passion in her when we got on the mountain. The passion that we all have for music!” Luke gushed, breaking his cool guy personality, “She’s so patient.”

“What’s her name?” Julie laughed, getting a first-hand look at Luke all crushed out on someone. His cheeks a rosy pink and soft eyes it amused Julie just imagining the number of love songs he would pen.

“Y/N.” Luke sighed slouching against the wall, “She’s so pretty.”

“-once more, I ask that you check every morning and afternoon for weather conditions, the local Avalanche Information Center website and be aware of our maps for potential avalanche areas. We have a live app that gives updates as well. Just a reminder that I’m Susan and you can also have the ski patrol contact me for further information. Enjoy your stay!” Susan called out gracefully cutting through the crowd to Lucy falling asleep in her chair.

”I heard some lady talking to her friends that the safety regulations and rules increased after an avalanche killed someone. I didn’t catch the name, but it took weeks before they found the bodies, they found the board in a few days.” Julie supplied with a half-smile at another reminder of death.

The three boys had a moment of clarity. They put the pieces together that the bench made of the boards was in memory of the person who died. It was a bitter moment of potentially standing where a person tragically killed with no warning.

“Anyway, I have to meet Dad and Carlos in the room. Have to video call Tía as her stressed wishes for not being home.” Julie sighed, pushing her feet into the slippers, she left the dino ones at home, she had grabbed from the room.

A few days into the Molina’s white Christmas it had been a charming morning thus far. The guys had done a songwriting session for most of the morning. Luke’s eyes continued to scan the room for you as he had since the first day. He had yet to see you inside, if the ghostly trio wasn’t on the mountain with you, then you were playing with Lucy.

 Julie and the Phantoms had retreated to the suite the Molina’s had been assigned when the weather looked questionable. Most of the tourists had either stayed in their rooms, cabins or in the main building. It led to Julie taking the session to the privacy of the suite to avoid looking like a crazy person.

“I need to stretch. Walk?” Reggie asked, gaining different sounds of agreement from the band.

The four individuals walked to the main lounging area where a crowd formed around the makeshift stage. On it was Susan shaking in her husband’s arms.

“Please, has anyone seen Lucy?” Susan sobbed, “She’s ten years old. She’s got blue eyes, ginger hair and she’s small for her age.”

Julie joined her father near the crowd, where he swiftly brought his eldest child into his arms with Carlos. Ray’s heart clenched at the thought of his kids going missing like the owner of Fox & Hare owners.

“Dad’s what’s going on?” Julie questioned viewing the blownup picture of a little girl, the perfect split of her parents.

“Susan Fox’s daughter Lucy didn’t show up for breakfast. They thought she was playing just outside the building. No one has seen her. There have been warnings of avalanches, and the mountain was closed twenty minutes ago. ” Ray told his daughter squeezing her once more cementing his gaze on the couple, “It’s devastating to them.”

“Why?” Julie questioned for the concerned ghostly trio at her side.

“A few years ago, Susan and her husband closed the resort for a few months. They completely gutted their regulations and worked closely with avalanche experts. They upgraded the area for increased safety and reworked the rules and regulations.”

 “What does it have to do with Lucy?” The Puerto Rican girl questioned furrowing her brow in the same way her mother had. Julie had scrapped back her hair into a half-up ponytail this morning.

“They did all that because they lost their daughter in a slab avalanche when Lucy was three. Slab avalanches are the most dangerous type, they make up 90% of avalanche deaths.” Ray sighed, staring up at the snow-capped looming mountain, “It took weeks to recover her body, there’s a bench on the mountain where she loved to snowboard. She was training for the Olympics actually.”

Luke’s attention faded from the conversation recalling that you would be on the mountain at dawn to watch the sunrise. In the sudden motion, Luke stumbled over his own feet heading straight for the shack. His mind is numb as he applied the gear to his body, the movements keeping him from panicking. Luke sensed rather than saw Reggie and Alex behind him.

“What are we doing?” Alex questioned, getting dressed as well.

“Going to the mountain.” Luke was very determined. Catching Reggie’s confused gaze Luke roughly gestured to the far corner, “What’s missing?”

“Y/N’s gear.” Alex and Reggie breathed physically shaking at the desolate area where a gorgeous board usually was. That lit a fire under their asses for sure, grateful for poofing they appeared on the mountain.

Scouring the white background, Alex pinpointed a speck of seafoam green running for a speck of bring pink and yellow. In the fear they had taken to sprinting in the bulky boots as if they felt something about to happen.

Your attention solely on Lucy, “Lucy, we need to leave now.”

For Lucy, the mountain was her life, it had been one of the things that her older sister lived and breathed for. All Lucy wanted to do was to be like her big sister. Lucy had the potential, her moves and posture striking to the late sister.

“This is the best trail!” Lucy stomped her black boot in the snow while her other one secured in her snowboard.

“It’s also one marked off for an avalanche.” You hissed to the little girl staring up with tear-filled eyes, “Please, go back.”

The unmistakable ‘whoomph’ sound shattered the otherwise quiet area freezing Lucy in her steps. The once stubborn ten years old turned petrified at the sheet of snow coming straight for the two girls.

“Slab avalanche.” The words covered by the snapping of trees. Your arms yanked Lucy up as you raced perpendicular to the moving snow.

Your ears couldn’t distinguish between Lucy’s screams, your screams or even the loud sound of the destructive avalanche. The alarm and terror drowning your insides, leaving no room for thoughts, only actions. Lucy’s small stature and the years you had on the location helped to dive into a safe zone.

Even in the safe zone, you raced further to collapse with Lucy’s inconsolable body quaking in absolute distress. The tears of relief fell down your face as you leaned against the bench of the memorial. Your head thumped the bench causing a puff of snow to fall on your hat.

“Holy shit.” The sob of words from Luke came before his arms wrapped around you. With being able to touch Julie, the guys didn’t get alarmed at the sight.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Alex frantically scanned the little girl before moving towards you in the same amount of fear. Reggie rendered speechless at the events.

“What the hell were you thinking!” Luke shouted, lunging away to stare you down. Tears streaking his own cheeks, “You’re also preaching the safety rules of the resort. You definitely read the reports and decided to come on the mountain?”

“Luke,” Reggie mumbled remaining the only one standing. His words went ignored, “Luke! LUKE!”

“What!?” Luke snapped resulting in the bassist flinching at the stark memory of his home life, “Sorry, Reggie. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think Y/N was ever in danger,” Reggie stated, bringing both confused boys to where he stood.

There above the bench uncovered by the snow that melted on Y/N’s thick toque was a picture. Above the quote was a picture of a girl holding the snowboard the bench was made of. Wearing a unique matching snow set was the exact replica of the girl Luke had fallen for.

“Holy shit.” Luke and Alex murmured gaping at the picture and the name of the girl who had died.

Luke recalled things you said,

“I used to work in here.”

“It snapped in half.”

“It was fun talking with people my age.”

Luke’s mind went a step further recalling the first lesson you gave the guys where you went from the bench to the Gondola in a short time. How people didn’t react to you, the ski patrol that ignored you every time on the mountain with them.

“You’re the daughter that died in the avalanche.” Luke gasped, dropping his jaw nearly to the snow-packed ground.

“Exactly seven years ago today.” You replied, keeping your eyes glued to your little sister yearning to comfort here, “Reggie, can you go in the building and press the red button? It’s a signal sender for people sheltering from the conditions.”

Nothing could meet the feeling of your parents weeping along with Lucy after the medic deemed her okay. While you wish you could join the hug, you also knew that things happened for a reason. The feeling that same with kissing Luke could never meet the level of happiness at Lucy’s safety.

I came close to killing ten year old Lucy in this but decided not to be cruel.

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[jmoriarty-221b]

New AU idea: I’ve found out that there’s some versions of the Batman comics where Tim Drake becomes Red Robin straight off the bat (he was never Robin & didn’t go to Batman) so I’m running with that

This Tim Drake doesn’t find Batman all that amazing, he recognizes Batman as a hero and as a symbol of Hope for Gotham, but he also sees him as just one man trying to make a difference, he holds more admiration towards Robin, specifically Jason’s Robin since he knows Gotham in ways Batman doesn’t, he checks on the street kids and the homeless, makes hot chocolate runs for the working girls when he can, and he is more interested in helping those in Crime Alley, a place where Batman and the previous Robin didn’t tend to patrol before Jason

And Tim has never been a normal child, there’s really no way for him to be human but there’s also no way to prove that he isn’t human, he passes the DNA tests, he doesn’t have a meta gene, he doesn’t have a mutation nor a difference in genetics, physiologically? There’s nothing to prove that Tim is anything other than human. In practice? Tim isn’t exactly limited if he cut off a limb, if he were to be shot in the head it would take approximately five minutes for him to heal back up, he can decide whether or not a wound will leave scars on his body, he can choose whether or not a mortal wound would put him in the ground permanently, most importantly, he can choose whether or not to contact his crew from the Isle that was supposed to be his home

There’s a reason as to why Tim isn’t exactly fond of heroes, after all, heroes decided to sentence countless of children yet to be born to a life of pain, suffering and poverty amongst an island filled with villains, heroes are the ones who put a barrier over the Isle that prevented its occupants from accessing their magic, heroes are the reason that his fae sisters and djinn brother and sea witch cousin and pirate friends are unable to access a part of themselves, he reason that they are unable to grow up properly and learn to control and feel and channel their magical cores, heroes are the reason for why him and his family hide behind fake names, and if it wasn’t for his parents’ quick thinking and preparations to flee then heroes would’ve been the reason he would’ve also grown up imprisoned and unable to access an integral part of himself

So no, Tim isn’t exactly impressed by the Batman

But Gotham exudes a similar signature as the one of the Isle of the Lost, making it the one place to where his parents could establish themselves undetected as the pollution would obscure their magical signatures had anyone looked for them, of course, Tim wasn’t old enough to learn how to lock down his own magical core in a way that wasn’t detrimental to himself, so he couldn’t be taken out of Gotham to accompany his parents on their numerous trips around the world, and such was his boredom that he decided to take advantage of his lack of adult supervision and explore Gotham

Having been taught about what became of the people he would’ve known as family from his parents as well as reading up every book he could in the ancient family library regarding long distance communication with magical kin, Tim ends up with a plan to meet with kids on the Isle as soon as he can, it turns out that establishing communication with the Isle requires for him to be in a part of Gotham that has the same atmosphere as the Isle, so Little Tim sets up shop in a semi secure rooftop in Crime Alley and establishes communication, needless to say he’s in for a surprise because “Oh wow why are you there Mr. Hades, you could escape any time and there’s no way those mortals could hope to contain your power, so why are you on the Isle?”

Turns out that attempting communication from a place surrounded by death and sorrow would lead to Tim establishing a magical video chat with the Lord of the Underworld, who’d’ve thunk? Anyway, Hades is literally just chilling for the next hundred years on the Isle because it’s easier to agree to mortals’ demands than obliterate them, and it’s less paperwork too so win-win, and one afternoon he’s suddenly communicating with one of the cutest little chipmunks he’s seen (kids are cute, and Tim is still a baby so he’s Tiny Cute) who introduced himself as Timothy Dwake and isn’t that just precious that the little tyke still has trouble with his r’s but how is he able to communicate with him on the Isle oh, that’s Janet’s kid, well shit guess he has a godson now (Janet had always wanted for Tim to be protected and that’s why she had been one of the few to escape the Isle, she had been a good friend back in the day so it seemed only fair for him to return the favor by looking out for Tiny Tim; it has nothing to do with Tim’s very cute face and slightly chubby cheeks that he kinda wants to pinch and his cute little lisp no Persephone I’m not attached-)

Anyway, so Tim ends up learning from his Uncle H on how to control his magical core and how to defend himself against physical and magical threats, he has a talent for using shadows to conceal himself as well as to listen in on others and gather information, if he concentrates really hard he can even manipulate shadows into solid figures, once he told this to his Uncle new training lessons began and now Tim is able to maintain his shadow constructs solid for longer periods of time as well as give them shape, over time he would learn more control over his ability and it will become easier to make weapons from shadows, his Uncle H also trains him in combat, particularly lost forms of combat from ancient civilizations

One particular night Tim wasn’t able to go to their meeting spot in Crime Alley, there was an Arkham Breakout and he wasn’t about to be caught up in that shit because could he fight off some villains and protect himself? Sure, but that would mean a possibility of getting the Batman’s attention and he’s not about to do that so staying at home it is, and now he is walking alone in the Drake gardens, he has no one to practice his fighting techniques with, no one to talk to, no one to teach him about what’s happening in the Isle, no one to teach him how to control his powers and his parents are gone for most of the year and they say that they’ll take him with them when he’s older but they’ve been saying that for years and now he’s much better at concealing his power and the King of Auradon believes he put every villain away for good so it’s not like they’re searching for his magical signature anyway so WHY WON’T HIS PARENTS TAKE HIM WITH THEM!?!?!? WHY IS HE ALWAYS LEFT ALONE!?!?!?

As he got progressively angrier, Tim hadn’t noticed how his power became stronger, how shadows grew larger, nor how the ground seemed to tremble and crack, it wasn’t until the ground literally split in front of him that he realized that maybe his power may have gotten out of hand, a bit, maybe, to be fair, he didn’t mean to summon a skeleton warrior with who he could practice his fighting with but hey, silver lining and all that, and he has something else to tell his Uncle H about in their next meeting (Hades may or may not have blessed his godson, and the blessing may or may not have given Tim some sort of control over his domains)

Anyway, eventually Tim learns how to see what’s happening in the Isle on his own from a sort of bird’s eye view, he sees what kids his age are going through and tries to find ways to alleviate the pain, he begins to talk to the kids and establishes rapport with them, he becomes friends with little Uma and Harry by bonding over swordplay, he gives Jay and Carlos tips for how to find the best hiding spots, he learns from Evie how to hide more stuff in his clothes and how to add more protective fabrics to his wardrobe, he and Mal bond over high parental expectations (she reminds him of Hades sometimes, and he thinks her eyes are a very pretty green with gold flecks sprinkled in, he may have a crush???) (Psssst, Mal likes Tim’s eyes too, she thinks it’s very pretty how they seem to change shades depending on his mood and when he’s happy they match her purple hair) *cue cuteness from these unfortunate little beans because yes*

Anyway, Tim has been working on creating a portal to a secluded part of the Isle from where he could send supplies to kids there, he was 8 years old when he started looking into this possibility after managing to make friends with the kids and now, at 13, he has finally managed to make it happen, he can only send non-living things through the portal tho, because although theoretically he Could send himself over, then he’d be stuck behind the barrier and couldn’t access his magic so that’s a big no, and he also can’t take the risk of getting someone from the Isle out because he can’t guarantee their safety (he tried with small insects and one time with a mouse; they died); the first thing he sends are medical supplies, food and bottled water, at first it’s only for his close friends, then they all establish a sort of routine and plan to get these supplies to other kids while hiding what they’re doing from their parents behind the guise of building their own gang on the Isle, Uma with the pirates and Mal with the inner city, Tim becomes their sort of advisor on important matters having seen what strategy tends to work when recruiting people as well as how to better approach street kids, he gets nicknamed the Shadow Angel for helping from behind the curtain, literally

Tim continues to learn as much as he can from his Uncle H, shadows Robin around Crime Alley, avoids gaining Batman’s attention and acquires supplies to send to the Isle three times a week from different places (he’s gotta cover his tracks, otherwise he runs the risk of getting Batman’s attention even if it’s just because the same person keeps buying food, water and medical supplies from various stores each week) but Tim has money, and he has experience regarding gangs and their recruiting and internal works (he’s helping his friends make their own gangs after all) and these people are in need of help as well, so he decides to make his own ‘gang’ by hiring people to do supply runs for him, he poses as a recruiter and gives fliers with information about his own gang and the benefits that joining will have (health insurance, dental, payed maternity leave, payed recuperation period, payed physical therapy and medical bills in case Batman decides to pop in, education is provided for anyone who wishes to get their GED and continue their education, etc); in the end, Tim keeps the Boss’ identity a secret until he reaches adulthood because no one would take a kid seriously, but he ends up amassing his own gang in Gotham while at the same time improving the life of people in poverty areas like Crime Alley and the Bowery

Of course, everything comes to a head when Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos are elected to go to school in Auradon leaving Uma as the only leader on the Isle, meanwhile Tim has been keeping tabs on Robin and gets to save Jason from Joker in Ethiopia (turns out being able to summon a skeleton army comes in handy when rescuing Robin from a deranged psychopath like Joker) so Tim is simultaneously saving Jason while still trying to remain anonymous to Batman (he’s built and maintained an entire gang in the most crime ridden part of Gotham for years, he’s not about to get involved with the Bats now)

So Tim only finds out about what happened to Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos until they’re already in Auradon and decides you know what? Fuck it, I’m gonna meet my friends face to face, besides, he can handle maintaining a gang in Gotham, he’s sure he can handle Auradon (update: he cannot, he’s this close 🤏 to rocking someone’s shit, he proposes overtaking the kingdom twice a day, he knows they could do it, and it’ll be easy even, but it’s the paperwork that’s holding them back, meh, let Ben do the grunt work and become an advisor, at least their manipulations would be in favor of improving the life of kids in poverty unlike other people who just want to get more money from their position close to the crown, gotta love politics)

Anyway, Tim Drake does become Red Robin, gang leader and benevolent overlord of Crime Alley and the Bowery, helping Gotham citizens and being the Shadow Angel of the Isle, plotting Auradon’s downfall for fun on his slow days as well as working on taking out the kids from the Isle and setting up safe houses for them for when he and his friends figure out how to save the kids

[cloveroctobers]

A/N: It’s safe to say that I have a crush on Jay Reeves lol. It’s been there for awhile now actually and you should definitely watch Safety on disney plus if you haven’t. It doesn’t have to be disney plus exactly...i mean if you have other sources like i do, then do your thing. i’m not mad at you lmao. That film brought out the crush more for me! I REALLY wish we could have seen the potential of what Shawn could have been if he was fully able to escape the rough life he felt he needed to be part of and that actually makes me sad. I was actually hurt when they decided to go that route but wasn’t shocked, especially when the things he would say about Spencer and TO spencer was to actually protect him and show that Spencer was made to do great things and live a good life--i’m getting emotional thinking about it again WOW. ANYWAYS, I won’t make this too sad, mostly fluff!

It’s also disappointing the lack of gifs there are for this guy. Gif below does not belong to me in any shape or form! anyways, Looking forward to what new projects he has going on in the near future!!

Requested: no but inspired by “Magic” by Pink Sweat$-- it’s my FAV from the album. I love his music so much, i need a vinyl stat! Hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it! Appreciate him please!

MAGIC | S. Scott

    Shawn loved when you closed your eyes because that not only means you were at your most relaxed but it also means he finally had you to himself. All he could do was watch you from a distance and patiently wait for you to come to him. Most times he knew what kind of moment it would be once he greeted you since he witnessed from afar but occasionally he could be caught off guard. The other times he waited for you, you greeted him with oceans in your eyes and that caused him great pain. He hated seeing you cry and it made it worse when he was cause of it. He was no longer there, physically to ease your worries but you always had him in your dreams and that was enough for him.

Yet there were moments when it wasn’t enough for you, which was understandable to him but he was not willing to let you go. Not yet. He would be around whenever you shut your eyes for as long as you wanted him or until the skies above gave the final say that it was the end of the road for him in the spirit realm.

“What the hell does that mean? This is just like Jamie Foxx’s character in soul isn’t it?” You panicked, pacing the freshly trimmed grass.

Shawn found it amusing how worked up you could get. You were not the only one who he liked to get riled up, Coop and Spencer were also his favorites to bug the shit out of...but you on the other hand, were too cute to watch. Sure he and the rest saw the film from above and found the similarities in the world they lived in compared to the fictional film...but not everything is all bright lights and rainbows. Things got heavy here too but Shawn didn’t want you to worry about him anymore, he put enough stress on the people he cared about on earth; he’ll be damned if you or anybody else worried about him any longer while he was in the above.

“The above,” As Shawn liked to call it was dreamy. There was no other way to describe it as every time you ventured to this place, your eyes connected with pink hazy hue’s and every step you made it felt like you were floating. It felt like a never-ending spring--without the allergies! When you were first brought here it didn’t make any sense to you. At first you thought you might have passed in your sleep but Shawn assured you that this was not the case. Part of you felt that this was selfish, knowing you still had a strong enough attachment to Shawn whereas his mother, his daughter, or even Coop could be here instead of you.

“Don’t ever question this magic, we gotta embrace it for all it is, right?” Shawn bumped his shoulder with yours as you sat side by side on a hill, looking out at the meadow below where you saw gleams of light gently gliding by. You figured that had to be other spirits you could not see or held a connection with.

And sure you would let it slide sometimes but there were times when you just had to ask questions. You wanted answers because you did not like being unsure about things whereas Shawn liked to go with the flow and would access the situation as it moved forward. You were not sure how the above worked as you still had your whole life in front of you while Shawn figured it out all on his own. He just wanted to be in the moment with you and would get upset sometimes if you couldn’t just take the moment for what it was, which ended dreams--if you could call it that, abruptly.

More good than bad, you loved that you still had access to the boy you loved. You never fully had the chance to be with Shawn down on earth and it was no one’s fault, it was just not your time to be. There was always one question itching at your insides: to know that if your bond was strong enough to withhold whatever timeline you faced and if you were brought to the above, would you two live eternity together? These were the questions Shawn should be asking the guardians or whatever the hell the ones in charge called themselves but Shawn distracted you with the fact that he could levitate now? While also placing his lips on yours, which was the first time he showed you his new trick.

“you can say it, I’m basically the coolest dude you know.” Shawn boasted, nodding his head as he was so sure of himself, his hands holding you steady as you floated above the oh so soft grass.

Shit like this only happens in the movies. You were sure of this, this couldn’t be real. However people do make their dreams a reality right? When you brought yourself out of these dreams, which were so vivid that you couldn’t bring yourself to write about them in your dream journal beside your bed...you felt a sense of happiness while also mixed with dread. Shawn Scott was no longer in your life, you felt like a huge part of you died with him when you lost him. Things have changed so drastically once Tyrone ripped the one person in your life away from you. You didn’t have the best upbringing either, you were in and out of homeless shelters and group homes all your life but you always found a home in Shawn. You took him for all that he was and he did the same with you, he welcomed you into his life--even with all the dangerous bullshit he found himself in. Although he knew how to keep that separate (the best he could) from you and his daughter, it still ended in a way that it shouldn’t have.

Shawn was so much more and some knew this. He followed in his big brother’s footsteps because that’s what he thought he HAD to do, not because he wanted to. He felt like he had no options but you and his mother (even Spencer) always told him he could be whatever he wanted to be, yet he kept brushing everyone off. Maybe he felt like he had to be involved in gangs because he owed part of it to his big brother? His future, whatever that might have been was put on hold as he tried to build something for himself, his daughter, and secretly you. It wasn’t until it was too late that he had a new sense of direction, he was going to leave everything behind. He had this conversation with his mother and you that he was heading down south to get away from this life. Plus a cousin of his said he was more than happy to help him get settled down there; this said cousin Ms. Ruth knew had a good head on his shoulders so she was put at ease at the news. Maya’s mother passed during child birth so he was doing everything he could as a single father to do right by her and you admired that.

“I want to come with you.” You decided there was nothing else here for you either, wherever Shawn was is where you wanted to be.

Shawn grinned, “I was hoping you would say that...i was actually being too much of a punk to ask. Probably would have walked out of here kicking myself if you didn’t say nothin’ first.”

And then it was settled, you were taking the little that you had to run away with the boy you loved, his daughter, and the little they had together to begin a new life in Louisiana …until that was taken away.

You lived almost a year with this back and forth drifting from the above to earth. Life changed for you but it was undeniably still a struggle to carry on and build. But you did it for as long as you could until Tyrone was also murdered by Shawn’s own mother and charged. When the news was delivered you dropped to your knees letting out breaths that you weren’t sure how long you’ve held in as you walked among the earth. This didn’t make you feel better and you knew it didn’t make Mrs. Scott feel any better either but she did what she felt was justified for her sons and you couldn’t be mad at her for that. When Coop told you that they were taking Ms. Ruth into custody that night you could feel Shawn there with you, you could never see him consciously anymore but you could always feel him there. 

Coop said she could too sometimes.

The next day you made sure to see Mrs. Scott, to have a conversation, with Shawn’s touch on the small of your back as you talked to her through the phone and behind a glass. “Go live and take my grandbaby with you, it’s what I want and what Shawn would have wanted.” 

Her smile was always the most comforting.

And you thought about it. And slept on it. And sleeping always meant seeing pink hue’s and feeling his touch. He knew what you were going to ask before you even did, after all he was there when this conversation happened. He wasn’t opposed to it, how could he be? That was the dream he wanted for all three of you and now you could have it--at least the two of you could. It said a lot that you were still active in his daughter’s life and not disappear...but he knew your heart and that was not something you would ever do. 

There was just something he wasn’t telling you. If you left California then that means he would have to leave too, for good this time. The connection would no longer be strong enough if you were to leave the place he lived his short years...but he would not tell you that. He acted as if everything was fine. He would do whatever he needed to do to make sure your happiness was guaranteed and if that meant letting go, he would, no matter how much it would hurt. You had to watch him go so now it was his turn to do the same.

This time you touched him felt off. Usually it always felt like magic and ignited something in your bones but this time with your hand against his neck and your eyes burning into each other’s, you knew something was wrong. They did not hold the smidge of pink mixed with brown. And in this place feelings of uncertainty were not allowed or felt for long. It’s just the way the above worked, apparently. When you rose the next day on move day you secured Maya into the backseat of Shawn’s car and turned to Coop, Spencer, Mrs. James, and Dillion, thanking them one last time after Spencer made sure the mobile attachment was secured on the car before you left them all behind.

The road to Louisiana was peaceful and not as long as the estimated 28 hour drive. It should have taken you days to get to New Orleans but it was only a hour and four minutes into the drive did the sky become a familiar pink hue and a spring breeze entered through the ajar windows. The car came to a halt without you having to press on the breaks or put it into park before you saw him up on that hill. Swallowing you slowly unstrapped yourself from the car and pulled your eyes away from the unaware figure from afar to face the toddler behind you.

“Hey, pretty girl.” You smiled at the girl with two afro puffs, “There’s a surprise for you.”

And you helped her out of the car, walking to the middle of the field and before you could even point out the surprise to her and she screamed, jumping up and down while still holding onto your hand. “Daddy!”

Shawn turned swiftly at the voice, unsure if his ears were deceiving him or not. His eyes were wide as he took in what was before him and he met Maya half way as she ran to him, he scooped the three year old up into his arms squeezing her to his chest as she gripped onto him as well. He placed a longing kiss onto her temple as she kept calling him. Cautiously you made your way over to Shawn and Maya, waiting your turn, for him to settle his eyes on you.

‘What is this?’ He thought to the guides but you and Maya also heard.

Maya just kept a warm hand against his face in excitement. 

His brown eyes were now the ones to ask questions you could not answer. So you reached out for his hand, interlacing your fingers, which illuminated a glowing pink in between the spaces and watched in awe as that became your new aura. 

“Where to now, Shawn?” You asked, no worries written in your eyes, just love.

He breathed out a smile, his teeth gleaming as he quickly stepped into your space bringing you all into his strong arms. He was so overjoyed and confused all wrapped in one to have the both of you here, “I don’t know what you did, y/n...but i love you and i wouldn’t be able to get through this without you two.”

This you knew.

You cradled his face as the tears glistened down his brown skin.

“Together forever, right?” You stated the mantra you two often said to one another.

And that was enough to make Shawn Scott’s heart swell. He shifted Maya on his hip as you watched the breeze brush away the tears you were going to get rid of, his free hand circled around your waist as he sniffed taking the moment in. 

“That’s right.” He replied, usually it would be mockingly with him dragging out the “i” but this time held true meaning.

So you leaned into his frame, scrunching your nose up at Maya with a smile before the three of you walked through the above together as one. 

[stillness-in-green]

Spinaraki Week Level 2, Day Four: Control | Edge

A return to a scenario I brainstormed up last time with/for @codenamesazanka: the “Shigaraki and Spinner Karma Houdini their way out the end of the series and run off to be vigilantes in BNHA!Macau” AU.  That and, “Shigaraki’s hanging onto Mr. Compress’s quirk while he lays low,” is all the context you really need for this, but if you want more, it’s here.

Of course, back in August, there was still a lot we didn’t know yet about Shigaraki and vestiges...

(Content Notes: sleep paralysis, some body horror, AFO being Too Close.)

———–      ———–      ———–      ———–

“So how are things going with you?” Compress asks him, the wind snapping so loud in his coat that he has to raise his voice to be heard over it.  Somehow his hat doesn’t blow off, though, despite the fact that they’re having this conversation on top of New Oumun’s high-speed monorail.  “Putting me to good use, I trust?”

Shigaraki sits sprawled across the roof of the train car, watching the buildings blur past, old alternating with new.  It’s too bright out, but that’s how Compress’s dreams usually are—all vivid colors and frivolous moving parts to distract from what’s going on below the surface.

He shrugs in answer.  “Used you to help us jump a high roller in his own suite last week.  Threw all his chips out the window when we were done.  We figured it’s what you would have wanted.”

Compress laughs, twirling his cane.  “I hope you saved enough for a lobster dinner.  I would have considered that an important component of my evening.”

“Would’ve had to pay for dry cleaning first,” Shigaraki replies, the smile tugging at his face still feeling strange after all this time.

“Ah, yes, the spectacle of you in a dress suit.  You—”  

Shigaraki looks up when the vestige breaks off with a hum of dissatisfaction.  “What?”

Compress tells him, “Hold on.”

Movement in the corner of his eye, something broad-chested but quick, and then the cane’s hitting him dead in the chest.  Pushed over the side, he plummets, catching just a glimpse of the form as it jumps after him.  Overhead, the train flickers by, light rebounding off the windows, the sound of it a high, sibilant humming.

There’s a flash of black; the wind dies.  

In the dark, the whistling movement of the monorail transitions to the long, even sweeping of a blade over a whetstone.  There’s a familiar heavy sensation in his chest.  Shigaraki’s eyes flick open.

Sensei.  Ass planted on Shigaraki’s chest like it’s just the nearest patch of clean ground available to sit on.  The weight burns, clips his breath short.  Sensei looks down at him, head wreathed in smoke that doesn’t quite cover the edges of his hair, the brightness in his eyes.  He smiles—a fitful, twitching little quirk of his lips like he’s trying not to laugh at something—and raises one finger to his mouth.

Get out, Shigaraki tries to tell him, but his lips won’t move.  Sensei just reaches down and brushes at his hair, combing disarrayed strands out of his eyes.  The boundaries of the room throb in time with his depressed heart rate.  The cool rasping of metal on stone continues unabated.

Shigaraki’s body pulls up into a sitting position.  His head swims with vertigo.  Sensei’s sitting behind him now, chest to his back, arms wrapped around his shoulders. The edge of the cologne he used to wear back before All Might collapsed his skull worms its way into Shigaraki’s nostrils, warm musk and a hint of sage.

“A little walkabout, Tomura,” he breathes.  A gnat in Tomura’s ear, one he can’t lift an arm to swat at.  “For old time’s sake.”

Get out.  Shigaraki’s eyes burn; his shallow breathing stays regular, level, even through the rising of frantic anger in his throat.  His heartbeat roars low in his ears, rattling through the walls of their tiny apartment like a tidal wave about to make landfall.

All For One stands him up, tugging his loose shirt into place from where it got twisted around in his sleep.  His heart pounds harder, but still so damn slow; dull clouds of red afterimage drift around the ceiling as his arms stretch up, fingers kneading at empty air.

Sensei fists his hand in Tomura’s shirt—his flesh twists in the grasp; he can’t breathe—and pulls him forward, and finally the whetstone sound scratches to a halt.

“Shigaraki?”  Surrounded in knives and polishing cloths, Spinner looks up at him from the low table in front of the couch, his favorite katana fallen still mid-stroke halfway across the stone.

“Be it ever so humble, hmm?” Sensei asks, his tone amused as his glance takes in the peeling paint, the uneven floor, the clutter.  Shigaraki’s eyes move away from Spinner and over to the window.  “Ah, Tomura; what to do with you?”

Let me go, old man!  You lose this every time!  He tries to force his eyes closed, to focus, but between All For One and the damn sleep paralysis, he’s apparently not authorized for use of his muscles right now.  As his feet walk him over to the window, the smells of the city spin free association images across his vision—the tired smile on the woman running the gai daan jai stall on the corner; Spinner working polish into his and Toga’s blades in their downtime during those weeks against Machia; Sensei sitting down beside him in his old bed and rubbing his shoulder until he could move again, winding a supportive arm around his back as he shook through the remnants of panic afterward.

In the distance, the casino towers climb over everything, obelisks stamped black against the sunset, periodically caught in the sweeping beam of their own spotlights.  Sensei leans in from behind him, fingers knitting together over the top of Shigaraki’s head, elbows on his shoulders, and sighs appreciatively. The vibrations of it buzz through him in a steady thrum.

“We should be up there, you know,” All For One says.  “And that’s just for a start.”

Spinner says something behind him, specific words muffled by the blood rushing in Shigaraki’s ears.

The feel of the sword resting on the side of his neck is a lot clearer.

All For One chuckles, and Sensei slides his arm down Shigaraki’s clavicle, fingers hooking in beneath skin and bone, flesh melting into flesh.  He pivots them around to meet Spinner’s stare, steady at the other end of an outstretched sword-arm the apartment only barely has room for.

“Still so dedicated, Iguchi-kun,” All For One drawls, the grin stretching wide to show teeth.  “But are you really satisfied with the one you chose to follow just scraping by in a place like this?”

Like the Doc’s lab was any better, Shigaraki thinks at him with all the vitriol he can muster. The katana isn’t quite turned all the way in, the flat of the metal cold and grounding, its freshly honed edge just a reminder of a promise.  

“We have our own kitchen and enough space to curtain off the bedroom.  That’s luxurious compared to how some people here live,” Spinner answers, curt anger in his eyes.

“But fear, too,” Sensei says, easy bordering on idle even as All For One is responding using Shigaraki’s tongue, Shigaraki’s mouth.  Sensei’s broad fingertips trail one at a time over Shigaraki’s ribcage, and if Shigaraki couldn’t breathe before, he barely wants to now, trying to keep his lungs from so much as brushing up against those probing hands even as pain starts to clang between his temples.  “He’s never been able to hide how afraid of us he is.”

And that’s not even worth arguing with.  Shigaraki stares into Spinner’s eyes—the anger, yeah, the fear, sure, but there’s awareness there, too, because they talked about this before, and Spinner knows what he’s doing, beyond just keeping himself out of grabbing distance.

Spinner’s mouth moves, and the motion of it doesn’t match what Shigaraki hears—“Shigaraki, you got this?”—but it’s what his eyes are saying anyway as the edge of the blade turns in.

It’s barely anything, hardly even enough to raise the white line of a papercut, much less draw any blood. But, hyper-aware of his locked-up body, Shigaraki latches onto it, the impossibly fine variegation of the blade pattern pressing into his skin with as much clarity as Spinner’s open hand, the scales a rough, insistent comfort.

He reaches up and closes his good hand around the bare blade.  Pain, sweet and hot and real, scores his palm and the insides of his fingers, and there’s a tsk of annoyance from Sensei as All For One falls away under the sudden sensation of slick wetness oozing past his knuckles.

Spinner catches him as his knees give out and the sword clatters to the floor.

“Shit,” Spinner breathes, and, “Let me see.”  He lowers them down to the ground, one arm clutching Shigaraki tight around the waist.  With his other hand, he gingerly turns Shigaraki’s palm towards the light.

“S’fine,” Shigaraki mumbles, rubbing at his face with his left hand.  He’s trembling, which is annoying, but typical of coming out of a sleep paralysis spell—all that strain he was putting on muscles that couldn’t respond right until just now.  The pain’s already fading, his regeneration kicking in just like it was designed to.

Spinner watches the wounds close up anyway, and conspicuously exhales once they do.

“He still talking?” he asks in an undertone, knitting their fingers together and dropping their hands back into their laps.  His thumb rubs absently over Shigaraki’s knuckle, claw scratching across his skin.

“Nah,” Shigaraki answers, tucking his head up into the curve of Spinner’s neck.  “He’s pretty quiet these days.”

“Not quiet enough,” comes the grumble, and Shigaraki huffs in agreement.  They sit that way for another minute, quiet as the noise of the city carries on around them.  Shigaraki breathes it in, lets it ground him—as he’s been finding for the last couple years, the more he’s got to ground him, the better.  Wanting to tear down everything doesn’t give you a very stable foundation to fight for control from—go figure.

Finally, as the first moth finds its way in to start fluttering around the lamp, he straightens up, tugging free of Spinner’s hands.  His partner gives him a plaintive look, at which Shigaraki grins.

“Scum of the city’s not gonna off themselves, Spinner.”

Spinner shakes his head, but he’s already fighting off a grin himself.  “Yeah, yeah.  Let me clean my sword off and I’ll be good to go.”

[vidimillion]

Jasico in Atlantis/Treasure Planet &/or Pirates AU?? Mostly just thinking about that fantasy treasure huntin' adventure flavor...

it took a while for me to get the time to write this and even longer to get the inspo for it. honestly was a blast to think up tho. thanks for the req!

jason grace is the son of the king, groomed to one day be the one to take the throne. whether he liked it or not.

the young prince was the king's ideal son— handsome, smart, athletic, kind... the picture perfect image of a leader. a young man who liked to read stories about adventure and ride horseback into the kingdom, where he'd look at the other kids his age, playing around.

look. look, and never join.

his older sister thalia, the ex-crown princess, has not been seen since jason was a little kid. at least, not officially, because in reality she had been visiting her baby brother in secret for years. she'd been on the run the whole time, but always found a way to come back to her brother.

jason loves her, he does, but he resents her a little for leaving the pressure of the kingdom (and their father) on him. though every time he asks her, she only smiled at him and whispered, "don't worry about anything. I have a plan."

he never understood what she meant. he wanted to believe her, but as his eighteenth birthday and thus his coronation grows closer, he still doesn't even know what he's supposed to be believing in.

a few weeks shy of his coronation, thalia asks him to meet her at the beach three days before the big day. he never expects her visits, them being few and far between, so her setting a schedule was a surprise to him. he worries about being caught, with their father doubling down on security as the coronation draws closer. she insists though, and jason yields. three days before his coronation, he sneaks out to go to the beach, but she isn't there.

he walks around for a little while, trying to look for her, and for a second he worries that she was caught by someone while she was waiting for him. before he can begin to freak out, he hears a low hum in the distance. he walks around the beach, by the rocks, and decides to try the cliff to find the source of it. by the time the cliff is in view, the humming starts to sound like a baritone song. his mind doesn't think to question it, doesn't recognize anything amiss, and before he realizes it he's running for the cliff's edge and he's staring straight down into the sea.

when he wakes up, it takes his hearing a while to come back, and the first thing he notices is the moon is still high in the sky.

"—lure him into the water, I didn't want you to make him jump off a cliff!"

that voice sounds like thalia, jason thought, the first coherent thing he's conceptualized in a while.

"I can't help where he goes, I just tell him to go!"

that sounds like the voice he heard before he jumped.

"hey, he's awake."

that voice sounds... hot.

jason's eyes open to a black-haired, olive-skinned boy with a jawline that could cut fucking glass. he mumbles groggily, "Did I die?"

Hot Guy smiles like jason told him a half-funny joke, "Why do you think you did?"

jason groaned like he was both in pain and was immensely tired. "You look like an angel."

that was definitely not the answer Hot Guy expected, because he immediately flushes red and sputters. jason's eyes focus behind the Hot Guy and sees thalia wolf whistling at him, and a fucking siren with a long sea-green tail bursting into laughter. "You're not dead Jay," thalia says, "but we're definitely very far from home."

(more under the cut. like a lot more.)

apparently, his beloved sister became a fucking pirate after running away. jumping from ship to ship, she’d been gaining a reputation for herself before pledging her loyalty to one of the most formidable pirate crews on the seven seas (and the only one that's all-female). the 'plan' she'd had, that she'd foreshadowed for almost years, was just to get her half-siren friend percy (who can apparently go from siren to human form at will, which jason thinks is awesome) to lure jason into the sea where they could get him.

jason politely admits that it sounds super stupid. thalia does agree, but enforces the fact that it did work.

the ship jason is currently on is apparently, percy's. he's the captain of a crew of five, six if you include him, named hazel, frank, leo, piper and annabeth. thalia just likes to visit sometimes.

they're tiny, and they're all very young, but jason's doubts about their capabilities vanish once percy tells him that people call them the six. jason's heard of them, obviously— his father has been trying to catch them for months now. his father was already furious knowing he wasn't able to capture a crew so small in size, imagine what would happen if he found out the oldest one of all of them is nineteen.

jason, on his first few days on the ship, feels numb. thalia had percy set him up in the med bay, at the back of the ship where the only thing he can hear is the crash of water. he thinks about his kingdom, his father— what was he going to do without an heir? what was the kingdom going to do without a king? he feels relieved, he feels guilty, he feels like he's failing the one thing he was born to do and feels like he has a chance to pick what he wants to do.

jason closes his eyes, thinking, and doesn't notice someone had come in until a cold hand lays on his forehead. he jolts his eyes open and it's nico, the Hot Guy who was with thalia and percy. nico tells him he was just checking jason's temperature and he turns to leave, but jason stops him and asks him to stay. there was "no" already on the tip of his tongue, but jason didn't stand for it. nico desisted, only to wonder why jason was so adamant about making him stay.

jason asks why percy didn't call him a part of the crew. hesitantly, nico tells him it's because he isn't. he's not an official pirate of any crew, and instead runs around ship to ship and coast to coast, either striking deals with the more reasonable pirates or taking out crews of them all on his own.

jason asks him why he keeps moving around like that. as a short answer, nico tells him it's for his father's work. jason feels like there's more to it than that, but he doesn't push.

the medicine thalia insisted he take was making him a little loopy. he barely recalls what he was saying, but apparently it was stupid enough to make nico laugh and respectful enough to make him stay. the medicine doesn't make him too loopy for very long, just a few hours, but the next night when jason found himself wanting company again, he played stupid so nico would stay with him.

(hazel, nico's half sister and apparently the only reason he sometimes travels with their ship for a few days, was the one in charge of taking care of him while he was forcefully bedridden. he realized she knew what he was doing when all three of them were talking one day and she gave him a thumbs-up behind nico's back.)

nico leaves once jason's off bed rest. he asks hazel whether or not she knows when they're gonna pick him up again, and she tells him the week and a half he was there with them was actually the longest time he's ever stayed.

he keeps asking for a while after nico's left. after four weeks, he stops asking.

six months later, they pick nico up again at a bustling port. it's also the same port where jason decides to leave.

jason spends the first night off the ship in a warm little inn, but he doesn't sleep. he thinks he really should sleep more when he didn't realize a fucking intruder got into his room until he heard the soft thump of their feet on the floor. he gets into a melee battle with the black-hooded figure, still quick on his feet even though he hasn't slept in weeks, but eventually the intruder has him pinned down to the nearest flat surface. jason almost bites them before the figure rips off their mask to reveal— it's just nico.

somehow, they end up sitting on the roof of the inn, sharing a bottle of wine nico denies he stole but jason absolutely knew he did.

nico asks jason why he decided to leave the crew, even after getting so irreversibly close with all of them— which he knows jason did.

jason answers that by telling him about his kingdom, back across at least three seas by now. he tells nico about how the town square shines gold almost all hours of the day and glows even at twilight, but the further you get from the kingdom gates the more you see filthy alleys and dirty children. he tells nico about the times he'd go into town in disguise and see how many horrendous things are happening, then eavesdrop on council meetings and figure out why.

he also tells nico about his father, and he keeps it as brief as he can but nico understands what he means.

he tells nico he has to go back, get his kingdom and his crown no matter what chaos he knows would've erupted. he thinks of the councilmen, of dukes and lords he knows will be doing anything for a chance at the throne, now that the crown prince is missing. he tells nico about them, then he tells nico about his people, and he doesn't need to tell nico the rest to know he gets it.

nico still asks why he has to be the one to go back, when on the sea he has percy, piper, leo, thalia, freedom. in return, jason asks why nico is always running.

because i have to, is the answer to both their questions. maybe i'm wrong, but i think i have to.

three days later, after additional goodbyes and promises to write, they start a journey back to jason's kingdom. jason tells nico he shouldn't come, that it'll be a journey of peril that won't get any easier when they do get to the kingdom— nico just glares at him and continues to pack two horses even more aggressively. jason relents.

so now it's just the two of them, both running back and running away, but at least this time they've got a friend.

[shortqueershakespeare]

ivy - ballum fic (link in reblog)

How's one to know? I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith-forgotten land In from the snow Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow Tarnished but so grand

***

Callum remembers the first time Ben touched him. That was the start of the rest of his life. He can’t remember ever feeling as alive as he did in that park, with Ben’s hands on his body, fiery heat running between them in the freezing night. It’s wrong, he’s in a relationship, but fuck, nothing has ever made him feel so wanted, so whole, so right.

Keeping the secret now he’s admitted it to himself is harder than he’d ever imagined. He thought he’d be able to carry on like he did before, but he knows now, and can’t deny to himself how he feels.

***

And the old widow goes to the stone every day But I don't, I just sit here and wait Grieving for the living

***

Ben’s struggling. He’s grieving a family he never had and wishing he was loved. He knows what he had with Callum is real, but he knows he can’t push him. If Callum wants to live a lie, that’s his choice to make.

He and Lola crack open a bottle of wine after they’ve put Lexi to bed. Jay’s out with Callum, and Ben is pretending that he isn’t jealous. Right.

He and Lola are still awake and sharing tears and laughter when Jay comes home. His heart aches when he sees Lola and Jay set eyes on each other. He had that kind of love, once. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever have it again.

***

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you

***

Callum is still trying to play a role that just isn’t him. He sees Ben and his pain and confusion gets a little easier, until he goes back home. It’s like walking underwater, he can’t breathe and Whit’s like a mermaid, embracing the water. He can’t get Ben out of his head - Whit’s lying on his chest, and all he can think is that he’s never felt more alone.

He breaks Whit’s heart and he hates himself for it, but she makes the hard choices for him and stands by him when his dad openly ridicules his identity. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve a friend like her.

***

I wish to know The fatal flaw that makes you long to be Magnificently cursed He's in the room Your opal eyes are all I wish to see He wants what's only yours

***

Ben doesn’t know how he’s ended up with Callum. How could someone so full of light fall for a man made of shadows? He loses himself in Callum’s glittering eyes, shining like precious gems. He could spend forever in Callum’s gaze.

Of course, he doesn’t. He has Callum’s fragile heart in his hand and in his panic he squeezes it and it shatters. Now Callum’s eyes are glistening with tears and Ben has to go, before he changes his mind and ruins Callum forever.

***

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered

***

Callum's half-drunk and rambling, long limbs sprawled across Whit's sofa, dangerously close to pouring red wine into her lap. She'd been talking about the guy she was seeing, and Callum is so so happy for her, he seems like the real deal, and her eyes light up when she says his name, like they used to when she looked at him.

Callum hears about Whitney falling in love again and it just all tumbles out of him. They sat on this sofa months ago, engaged to be married, and his heart already belonged to Ben. Callum blurts out everything that's happened with Ben and Whit consoles him, holds him while he cries about the man he left her for. She truly is the best friend.

***

Clover blooms in the fields Spring breaks loose, the time is near What would he do if he found us out? Crescent moon, coast is clear Spring breaks loose, but so does fear He's gonna burn this house to the ground How's one to know?

***

He told Cal he didn’t feel bad for his part in hurting Whit, but of course he did. He’s sitting on the floor of his living room, drinking beer while Lola and Jay put Lexi to bed. He’s just opened another bottle and doesn’t hear his little whirlwind of a daughter come into the room. She spots the tear tracks running down his face and in her innocence asks if he misses Callum. He almost breaks down right then and there, because he hadn’t meant to take Callum away from her. He knows she adores him and he feels so guilty for hurting more than just himself with his actions. He puts on a brave face and gives Lexi a hug before Lola takes her hand and leads her back to her room.

Jay comes in with drinks for him and Lola and settles with his back to the sofa, his foot just knocking against Ben’s, enough to let him know he’s not alone. Jay is content to sit in silence until Ben comes out with it, knowing it might take another couple of drinks before Ben’s ready to talk. Lola has no such qualms, planting herself between her best friend and boyfriend, taking a long swig from her drink and prodding Ben.

“Out with it, we haven’t got all night.”

Ben talks and talks, spilling every feeling he’s been keeping bottled up, not knowing the subject of his heartbreak is having the same conversation just across the square.

***

I'd live and die for moments that we stole On begged and borrowed time So tell me to run Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become And drink my husband's wine

***

It turns out that when the most important and determined women in Ben and Callum’s lives get fed up of their bullshit, the boys have little choice but to agree to hash things out. Especially when Lola sees that Ben’s having second thoughts and sends in the cavalry. He never could say no to Lexi’s puppy dog eyes.

So now Cal and Ben are drinking and laughing, as tentative friends, drinking wine Whit bought him as a sip of courage to mend their broken fences. Callum is talking about Whitney and what they had and he knows they’re only dancing around what they really want to be saying.

Ben would give anything to be back in those moments he had with Callum, but their new friendship is too fragile to touch again. Callum is trying to be grateful for having Ben back as a friend, but it hurts when he wants to take Ben into his arms and never let go.

So they sit, drinking wine in a fragile happiness, wishing one of them had the guts to push it to breaking point.

***

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you And I'm covered in you

***

Ben sees Callum, he sees him for who he is, and that’s so rare. They’re unbearably in sync, still catching the little cues that no one else picks up on. Ben takes Callum’s fear and pain and he soothes it in a way no one else can. When Callum hears a car backfire and begins to shake, Ben is at his elbow, guiding him gently out of harm’s way, talking softly to draw his focus back to reality. He comes back to himself sitting in Ben’s chair in the car lot while Ben sits on the desk, holding out a bottle of water, a steadying hand on Callum’s knee.

Callum tries to forget what that touch could lead to, tries to stop looking at the lips he wishes would devour him, but when the fear of his past is gone, it’s replaced with one thought reverberating around his brain. He’s in love with Ben.

***

So yeah, it's a fire It's a goddamn blaze in the dark And you started it You started it

***

Ben has tried to sit on his feelings, be a good friend, but he just can’t. He’s in love with Callum, a flame that started flickering with that first handshake and was fanned into a blaze by their first kiss. They’re sitting in his living room, watching a movie after putting Lexi to bed, the house empty but for the three of them.

Callum laughs at something on the screen and turns those maddening blue eyes on Ben. And suddenly he can’t help himself any more. He’s closed the distance between them and before he knows it they’re kissing, Callum kissing him back as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Callum is above him, his hands all over him and Ben has to stop, them both gasping for air.

Callum looks back at him with confusion before understanding dawns on him and he leads Ben up the stairs, then takes him apart with practised devotion.

***

So yeah, it's a war It's the goddamn fight of my life And you started it You started it

***

Working through their issues isn’t easy. Sometimes it feels like life is pulling Callum away from Ben in every way it can, but he’s not letting him go again. He can’t lose what they have, not this time. He works harder than he has on anything in his life, and Ben meets him every step of the way. Callum is a part of Ben’s little family now, dragging Whit into the mix as well, knowing she’ll hold him accountable. He’s fought hard to get here, but looking around the house and seeing all the people he loves, gathered together for him, makes it all worth it.

***

Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered In you, in you Now I'm covered in you In you

***

Ben never thought he’d fall in love again. Not after Paul. But Callum is inescapable. His love and brightness is everywhere, and Ben is well and truly smitten. He can’t imagine ever being without this man who has shown him that dreams can come true.

[aweebwrites]

Allies Ch10

Garmadon chuckled as the Horns of Destruction blared loudly the sound able to be heard from miles and miles away, the golden beam of energy from the clock reaching across distances to create his Ultimate Weapon. Yes… Yes! This age of war was fastly coming to an end! He lifted his head once he heard the familiar sound of wing beats. Dragon wing beats. He grinned triumphantly once he saw five dragons, one of which was radiating with green energy similar to their scales. The dragons landed one by one in the courtyard, his generals sliding off of their backs as Garmadon headed directly for his son.

“Lloyd.” Garmadon says with palpable relief, seeing his son unharmed.

“Dad…” Lloyd smiled, accepting the hug his father offered him. “We got them dad.” He told his father, pulling back so he could reach for the weapons and Garmadon looked over them in awe.

It’s been millennia since he had last seen these weapons. He took them as Lloyd handed them over then chuckled.

“Finally. After thousands of years. The end of the war is in sight!” Garmadon yelled, holding up the four Golden Weapons and the gathering of Soldiers and Servants cheered. “You did well, my son.” He told Lloyd as they cheered around them still.

“I do what I can. For my Kingdom and for you.” Lloyd says with a smile, unable to hold back a grin as he hugged his father again.

He couldn’t wait for this all to be over at last.

_____

“I sense a shift in the balance.” Wu whispered, looking out at the balcony from his throne room. “The Knights have failed… Our greatest fear…” He says solemnly before he turned away to prepare for the last battle.

_____

“I can’t believe the Green Knight is nothing but Umbrian scum!” Kai growled as they raced their horses back to Fulgor to deliver news of their failure.

Luckily, the Forest of Tranquility was not very far away from the Castle.

“Race isn’t what matters here.” Zane says as he gripped his horse’s reins tightly, his face plate still off and tucked into his bag. “Garmadon must have convinced them that we were the bad guys. They must not know we’re actually fighting for the good of Ninjago.” He told the others.

“That’s gotta be it.” Jay says with a frown, eyes on the path ahead. “The Prophecies are never wrong!” He yelled, urging his horse to jump across a small but deep stream.

“But how do we even convince him before Garmadon gets to the Golden Peak?” Nya asked as she held on to Kai tight.

“That’s the hard part. We’ll have to figure something out and fast. He can level all of us on his own but this time no doubt he and the Generals will come with the rest of Garmadon’s army.” Cole says as they broke through the forest, dashing across the plain before them, the tip of the castle visible on the horizon.

“Let’s just hope we get there before they do.” Zane whispers, hoping they really could stop them.

_____

“Why are we here? Shouldn’t we be leaving for the Golden Peak?” Lloyd asked his father as he closed the double doors to the throne room behind them.

“We first have to wait for the Ultimate Weapon, the Garmatron, to arrive.” Garmadon told his son, guiding him to his throne and Lloyd frowned.

“The Ultimate Weapon? Why would we be using Dark Matter as a weapon? I thought you said you wanted this to be a fair war, to not stoop to their level?” Lloyd asked him, confused.

“I don’t intend on firing it.” Garmadon told his son, resting the golden weapons on his throne then walking behind it. “I prefer to use it as an intimidation factor.” He explained but Lloyd still looked unsure.

“After thousands of years, we’re finally arriving at the end of this war Lloyd. The people of Penumbra are starved of peace, of not fearing for their lives, of not fighting every day. I have to do whatever I can to make sure we succeed at doing so. I myself, am not comfortable with firing that cannon but I will if I must.” Garmadon says firmly and Lloyd looked up at his father then frowned but he understood.

They had to do what they must. And it wasn’t as if he was killing even more people by using Dark Matter. It was a means of safety, for those infected and for those who used it. Like Ultra Violet and the Earth Dragon. Lloyd looked at his hands at that. Yes. He could cure Dark Matter infection, so it was fine.

“There is also another reason why I brought you here, son.” Garmadon told him lightly, standing before the stained glass portrait of three people, one clearly being outcast.

Lloyd looked at his father curiously.

“It’s time for you to hear a story about the family the First Spinjitzu Master made for himself.” Garmadon says, his voice barely above a whisper as he kept his eyes on the portrait.

Thousands of years ago, when the war was young, there lived one who held the power to create an entire realm. He had no true name able to be said with Ninjagan tongue. Instead, he was known as the First Spinjitzu Master. And what was Spinjitzu you asked? An ancient fighting technique developed by the First Spinjitzu Master himself to be used as a means of fighting the Overlord and his Indestructible Stone Army only passed onto his sons as a means of protecting themselves. But this story is not about the fighting art. Rather, It was about the First Spinjitzu Master and his two very special sons. The eldest was Garmadon. He was a cautious yet peculiar child who would do whatever it took to not earn his father’s anger. It was a trait that made him seem cold, heartless even.

Then there was Wu. He was more adventurous than his brother and held a far bigger heart than he. Together, they would naturally get into all sorts of trouble but they were brothers who loved each other and who loved their father. They grew together, fought together, laughed together. There was no Garmadon without Wu and no Wu without Garmadon. The friends they had made of the children of servants in the castle knew and expected that of the princes. All was well throughout their childhood… But as both brothers began to mature, they began noticing some… Changes in Garmadon.

“Have your teeth always been that pointy?” Wu asked his older brother after noticing him yawn the canines he held much more visible and pointier.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Garmadon asked, reaching a hand inside his own mouth- only to yelp and pull his hand back.

His own tooth had cut his thumb…

That made Garmadon so much more aware of his own body. He was getting paler with each passing day. He could see it. He wore as much clothes as he could to hide it, withdrawing from his brother and friends out of fear.

“Did I do something to make my brother mad?” Wu asked, looking up at the back of his father.

“Why would you think so?” The First Spinjitzu Master asked as he turned to the blond that was his younger son.

“He moved into his own room and he hardly comes out to play or talk anymore…” Wu says with a pout, the preteen fiddling with one of his father’s blank scrolls.

“Hmm. It may be that Garmadon is growing older. He might want independence, to appear more mature. But I will talk with him, just in case.” He reassured, placing a comforting hand on his younger son’s shoulder.

“Really? Thank you father!” Wu grinned wide.

The First Spinjitzu Master did visit Garmadon’s room later that day… But it wasn’t to talk.

Garmadon stared at the closed door in confusion and trepidation as he pulled his hood closer. His father had walked in, taken one look at his very pale skin and had walked out with an expression on his face he’s never seen before. It made him… Worry...

The incident had Garmadon venturing outside again, to talk with his brother- but he had started to keep his distance- and so did their friends. He was now the one being isolated. He didn’t understand. He hated whenever they got quiet the second he walked in, hated that his own father refused to look at him anymore, hated that his brother looked fearful whenever he so much as glances at him. He didn’t understand at all. Was he becoming a monster? He missed his family. He missed his friends! Even the Elemental Masters stopped smiling at him and greeting him. No, they had started walking with their hands on their weapons, gripping them tighter still whenever he was nearby. Things finally boiled over on his 20th birthday he spent almost all of being ignored.

“I’ve had it!” Garmadon yelled in his father’s throne room after he had came for so little as a happy birthday, only to have them look away from him. “I’m sick and tired of being ignored!” He yelled, dark energies gathering unknowingly in his fists as his eyes glowed red, putting everyone on the alert.

“All I wanted was to have my family back but you two treat me like I’m some kind of monster waiting to happen!” He growled, fangs lengthening as his hair began to sway and blacken. “I don’t even know if I did something because neither of you won’t even so much as look at me! I don’t know what’s happening to me and it’s scary!” Garmadon’s voice broke as his skin started to darken, his claws lengthening as he began to grow taller.

“Talk to me! Yell at me! Do something other than pretending I don’t exist! Give me some kind of sign that I still mean something to this family!” He yelled, fire bubbling up in his eyes. “I just… I just…” The First Spinjitzu Master placed a protective hand before his youngest son who watched with wide fearful eyes as his brother became the monster his father warned him of.

“What did I do wrong?” He asked them quietly, flamed tears falling down his cheeks as he dug his nails into his palms- only to wince at the pain that flared in his hands.

He looked down at them- and felt his whole world grind to a halt. His… His hands… Why did they look like this? He looked up his dark arms, seeing white markings on them.

“If I had known you would turn out like this…” Garmadon looked to his father once he spoke over the silence filling the throne room. “A creature of darkness and destruction… An Oni, cannot take the throne…” The First Spinjitzu Master, his father says firmly and Garmadon’s eyes widened.

An Oni? He was… He looked down at his hands again, seeing them shaking from the revelation as his breathing picked up from his increasing panic.

“... Or be my son.” That had Garmadon’s head snapping upwards.

“... W… What?” He whispered breathlessly, not sure, not wanting to believe that he heard what he had.

“I left your kind behind once and for all in the First Realm. The Overlord already is a constant reminder of that place, even though he is Ninjago born. You will only strive to bring about nothing but destruction and chaos in this place I have made my home and I will not stand for it.” The First Spinjitzu Master spoke with cold, gold eyes, pulling a familiar crystal from his robe that had Garmadon’s eyes widening further. “You will return to where you came from.” He says, holding up the Realm Crystal, opening a portal on the ground.

Garmadon stared down at it, hearing the sound of dragons from it, feeling his blood running colder and colder. He… He…

“Fa… ther…” He whispered in his disbelief.

This couldn’t be happening. This must be a dream… This can’t be real… And yet, his palms still throbbed in pain from where he had stabbed his claws into them. This was no dream.

“You are no longer my son.” The First Spinjitzu Master says without a hint of emotion and that was like a physical blow at Garmadon.

He looked at his father, then at his brother with his downcast, slitted, golden eyes, looking just like their father… He… Garmadon, slouched. Was this really how he lost his family. All for… All because… Garmadon gritted his teeth, anger returning in an inferno. All because of genetics he never asked for! All for genes he got from him! A dark purple aura billowed around Garmadon and the First Spinjitzu Master gathered Golden Power in his other hand, prepared to strike him down if necessary.

“No! No!” Garmadon yelled, all out sneering at his father with bared fangs. “This isn’t fair! I never asked to be an Oni! I’m not like them! I deserve to stay just as much as Wu! We both got our blood from you, father! The blood that runs through my veins is a result of you!” He all but roared, the polished white marble floor cracking beneath his feet.

“That may be so and for that, I am sorry. But your faith is already decided. You cannot stay.” The First Spinjitzu Master says with narrowed eyes. “Leave on your own or I will be forced to make you. This realm already has enough darkness and destruction.” He warned, gold eyes glowing brighter and Garmadon sneered.

“Ninjago is the only home I’ve ever known! I won’t leave it just for your fragile sense of security!” He snapped at his father.

“... Then you leave me no choice.” The First Spinjitzu Master says quietly, taking a step forward.

“Father, please wait!” Wu says, running before his father. “Let me talk to him.” He pleaded and the First Spinjitzu Master looked him over before nodding once.

“Do not go near it.” He warned and Garmadon growled.

“I am not an animal or creature! I live and breathe and think as you do, father!” Garmadon spat the word with bitter resentment, his eyes fully opened to the true person his father was.

He was not the kind, peaceful man the Kingdom of Fulgor saw. No, he was no better than the Overlord himself! He was a hypocritical, fiendish man who would rather let others tackle his problems for him than facing them himself!

“Garmadon-”

“What? I no longer deserve the title of your brother? Is that it, Wu? Did the years we spent growing up together mean nothing for you to throw them away so quickly? Have the memories we’ve had together meant nothing to you?!” Garmadon yelled, cutting Wu off.

Wu pressed his lips together in a thin line as he looked at him.

“Say something!” Garmadon snapped at him.

“You’re an Oni bent on destruction! You always have been!” Wu snapped back. “You always did and say things I always questioned but they all made sense once father realised you were Oni! A monster! You’ve shown us your true colours now Garmadon! There’s no going back from this! It’s better you leave before you hurt someone!” He yelled and Garmadon took a step back, eyes wide at his brother- his own brother called him a monster.

He wondered for a moment, if things would have been better if he had kept his mouth shut and endured their ignorance. Garmadon straightened his back. No. He would not be a mat for them to only remember existed when they have mud on their feet.

“A monster, huh?” Garmadon says to his bro- to Wu, his voice eerily calm, lacking the panic, desperation and fury he had just moments ago.

He then walked forward, coming to a stop before the portal, glaring down at it from the bridge of his nose then at them.

“You want me gone? Fine.” He says and the First Spinjitzu Master vanished his Golden Power though he never took his narrowed eyes off of him. “But.” Garmadon spoke again and they tensed as he gathered his destructive powers in his palms, eyes overcasted with red as he floated off the ground.

“He’s unlocking his true potential!” The First Spinjitzu Master yelled, gathering his Golden Power.

“I’ll decide where I go!” Garmadon yelled and before his father could attack, a huge wave of destructive energy escaped him, destroying everything in its path, breaking apart the ceilings of the throne room and throwing both the First Spinjitzu Master and Wu back, the Realm Crystal shattering into fine dust like pieces as they were.

Garmadon landed on his feet after the sudden surge of power, looking down at his hands emitting smoky purple energy before he clenched them tight, ignoring the sting of pain. He then looked around at the chaos around him, spotting his brother as he pushed the rubble off of him with a golden wing, half transformed into a dragon. He hadn’t even known he could do so. He narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll show you a monster.” He promised him before he turned away to leave the palace, using his new found powers to throw aside those who stood in his way.

There was only one place he would be accepted now and it was a place he was looking forward to go to. Ninjago was being fought over by two sinister beings. It was doomed from the start. He hadn’t known that until today. But since his so called father and brother insisted on treating him like an Oni, a monster… He’ll be just that. 

And he had been. The Overlord was more than happy to take him in under his wing, nurturing the darkness inside him and encouraging him to grow. Garmadon felt twisted pleasure as he struck down the First Spinjitzu Master’s soldiers before his brother’s eyes once news of his presence on the wrong side of the battlefield caught his ears. Just for him, just for them, he had become the destructive, heartless monster they made him out to be. There were days when the weight of what he had done, of what he had become weighed him down but those days were far in-between. That was until he met her. Misako. The Umbrian that had stolen his black heart. She made him want to change, made him want to do the right thing. He had even started planning on taking her and running away from this place, perhaps to a whole nother realm if he could, even more so when she was bearing his child… But then her betrayal had brought that part of him, ugly, bloodthirsty and hateful. He didn’t regret taking her life. But he did swear hers would be the last he took out of spite. He had a son who would depend on him now. And once the Overlord had left Penumbra to him, he knew he had a chance to fix this. To truly end this war and to give his son a place worthy of being called home. He may not be able to change the past but he could make a better future for everyone.

And his brother, who ruled Fulgor in their father’s leave could not be the one to do so. He was so faithful to the facade their father had shown him that he could not see that good intentions didn’t make a wrong action right. He didn’t know better, but Garmadon does and it is his duty, as Emperor and his older brother, to bring the peace Ninjago is starved of.

Lloyd… He didn’t know what to say. He never imagined that there was ever a time his father wasn’t the man he knew today. Never thought his father was outcasted from his own family for something like that. For having Oni blood, something he couldn’t control. If he was in his father’s position back then…. He didn’t know what he’d do. He couldn’t even imagine his father throwing him out. Not after a childhood filled with his father's utmost love. He looked up at his father, seeing calm, seeing wistfulness, seeing pain and regret all present on his face. Lloyd walked before his father then and he looked down at him, red eyes meeting red. He gave his father a look filled with several emotions, empathy, pain, anger… He pushed forward, hugging his father tight as he squeezed his eye shut, willing all the love he held for him to reach him. His father changed, that’s what really matters. He was still proud to call him father, regardless of his past.

Garmadon’s breath caught at his son’s tight embrace. He then hugged him back, giving a small sigh but that sigh held years of intense emotions, always flickering in the back of his mind like the flames of his tears. The burden of his past was lighter at least. His son, his reason to keep going down the right path and he had not rejected him because of his past wrongs. It gave him even more strength to keep fighting. For him.

______________ (Garmadon's past revealed! Next on the list is Lloyd's but before that, a moment of calm before the final fight to decide the fate of all of Ninjago! Thanks for reading!) ______________ Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9

[davieslandon]

discord || Landon’s House

Discord thread featuring: Landon and @malakhai-ozera

Mentions: @romanbeckett  @jayceelynd

Where: Landon is at his house and Khai goes over. 

When: after the breakup

Description: After a few texts where Khai admits he broke up with Roman and Jaycee, Landon is worried about him and invites him over. 

Trigger Warnings: drugs, all the feels

Malakhai

Khai had definitely had an emotional roller coaster of a day. After everything that happened with Roman and Jaycee, and work being a particularly off night. He just wanted to mellow out. Not that he wouldn’t normally take mdma or coke while working anyway. The drugs made it easier for him to be put on display, and to be groped by multiple strangers while he danced half naked. All he could think about all night was how he hurt the two people he loved, and how much he just wanted to see Landon. There was just something about Landon that made everything bad just disappear. He really needed that right now. Plus, just the thought of Landon made his heart beat hard and slow. After texting back and forth with the other male for a bit, he convinced him to let him come over. Getting into his car to drive was never a good idea in his current state. But Landon was worth the risk to him. He needed him. He craved being in his arms, and the scent of him being wrapped  around his body. He made it to his house in what seemed to be no time at all. Even though to Khai it felt like way too long. Which only made him move faster as he made his way to Landons door. Knocking softly he waited for the sweet relief of seeing his face.

Landon

Khai warned him that he wasn’t happy in his relationship and was thinking of taking a break but Landon never really thought anything would come out of it. He figured they would talk it out and things would get back to normal pretty soon so it was a shock when he texted Khai to check up on him and was told it was over. Landon wasn’t proud of thinking that maybe now whatever they were doing wouldn’t be considered so bad anymore since Khai was no longer with them. But the reminder of how hurt Roman must be quickly made him forget all about it. This wasn’t about him anyways. Inviting the other male over was probably not a good idea. Sure, they said they weren’t going to do anything but he knew first hand how difficult that was once in each other’s presence but Landon was worried when he found out the other took mdma. If he came over, at least he could keep an eye on him. He checked up on Elle to make sure she was sleeping, then went downstairs to open the door. “Hey”, he said, once he caught sight of Khai. He looked him over, wanting to confirm he really was okay.

Malakhai 

There wasn’t much the eyes could hide, especially when on a drug like mdma. It was clear once Landon opened the door and looked him over. He was a mess. There was pain there behind his hazel eyes, that even with the smile of seeing Landon didn’t cover up. Regardless of what his eyes were saying though, he felt content. That was the power of drugs these day’s. Erase the pain, even if it wasn’t a permanent fix. Plus, the added excitement of seeing Landon made him feel even more tingly and almost happy. “Hey yourself cutie” he continued to smile at the other male. His arm reaching out to grab Landons waist and pulling him in for a hug. The scent of the brunette made Khai hum softly. Just being in his arms made him feel so much better. All his bad thoughts about everything drifting to the back of his mind. At least for now. “Can I come in?” he asked as he pulled away just a bit. His eyes begging for just a little more, as they did the same night they kissed.

Landon

It was clear that Khai wasn’t as fine with everything as he wanted him to believe with his texts. The pain in his eyes was as clear as day but Landon didn’t comment on it. He knew talking about it right now was useless, the drugs would make it almost impossible, but at least Landon could get a better idea of what to expect once the drugs were out of his system. The hug was unexpected and it surprised him but Landon didn’t fight it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him, trying to show him he was there for him during this tough time without using any words. “Yeah, of course.” He knew he wasn’t the only one thinking about what happened the last time they were at his house together but Landon couldn’t use the excuse of being drunk, not this time. When he invited him over, he knew it was going to be hard to keep away but he never imagined he would already be fighting with himself about it, before they could even make it inside.

Malakhai

As Landon led him into his house, Khai grabbed a hold of his hand. It was just a way to ground himself as he fought his desire to just push Landon against the wall and kiss him. He didn’t want to push his boundaries with the other. He just wanted to be with him. He closed the door behind them once they were inside and he looked around the room. It seemed different than the last time. Comforting. “Thank you for letting me come over” he said softly. Following Landon until they got to where they were going to sit. “I...” he began, but stopped and pressed his lips together. Shrugging his shoulders instead of finishing his words. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Landon. The overwhelming need to be back in his arms already consuming him.

Landon

Landon led him over to the living room and they got situated on the sofa. This was were everything happened last time but he couldn’t think of another place to go. His bedroom was probably a bad idea since he didn’t want to seem like he was hinting at something and the kitchen was too impersonal. They would just have to push through and try not to think of the previous time. And keep their hands to themselves. Just one look at Khai was enough for Landon to know that was easier said than done. “You don’t have to thank me. I was worried about you”, he admitted. It was the truth. He would have been worried about anyone he knew going through something like this by knowing he took drugs and was on his own only increased his worry by a tenfold. “You’ve got somewhere to stay?”

Malakhai

Khai wasn’t really sure how to answer Landons question. He was still living with Roman and Jaycee, but he felt like he didn’t really wanna go back there. Not right now. “I was kinda hoping I could stay here” he answered honestly. “You’re the only person I feel like...” he stopped his words again. Scooting a bit closer to Landon he reached up and pushed the other males hair back from his face.  “You’re the only one I wanna be with” he finished. He couldn’t keep his eyes from shifting down to Landons lips. Licking his own as he struggled with keeping his distance. “I don’t know if I can do this Landon” he said softly. His eyes never lifting from the others lips. “I wanna kiss you so bad.” Everything the two had shared together, from the night they kissed. To the text messages the night before. Khai couldn’t pretend like he didn’t feel some type of way about Landon. His heart was beating faster now, and his voice was shaky. The drugs were only making the way he already felt about the other boy enchants to an ultimate high. He didn’t wanna think about Ro or Jay, and it hurt too much to talk about. He just wanted to melt into Landon and pretend that everything was okay. Because with Landon. He truly believed that.

Landon

It seemed like they were on the same page since Landon was about to offer up his spare room. He was sure that, even with everything that happened between them, Roman still cared for Khai and would want him to be comfortable. So, really, he couldn’t be too angry at him for offering. Right? “Yeah, no ones using the spare bedroom right now so it’s yours if you want it.” Landon paused, unsure whether he should bring it up but he didn’t want the other to be caught by surprise. “Ro does come over sometimes though so I...I don’t think I’d be able to keep it from him. Is that okay?” The last thing he wanted was for Roman to show up announced, see Khai there and for shit to go down in his living room. Better safe than sorry. Landon didn’t stop him from moving closer but he was so lost over what he should do. He wanted to throw caution to the wind and kiss Khai without a thought for anything else but the thought of how messy it could all get scared him. “We said we’d be good”, he said, even though he never really believed it himself. “You’re going to wake up to regret this tomorrow when the drugs are out of your system.”

Malakhai 

Hearing Landon talk about Roman, and how he comes to his house. It ripped at his heart a bit. His eyes moved back up to the others and he shook his head. “You can tell him whatever you want. I didn’t plan to stay longer than tonight.” He knew Landon loved Roman, and even with the way they felt for each other. He’d never have either of them to himself. Still he couldn’t keep himself from craving Landon. He was still convinced that he needed him.  The other males next words only knocking him back even more. “I..” he grimaced.  “Do you really think that?” he asked a bit hurt. Sure he was on drugs, but he would never regret it. He stood up from the couch before Landon could even answer and turned his back to the other boy. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

Landon

Landon knew bringing up Roman was not one of his best ideas but he wanted to be honest. He knew from experience that lying always came back to bite him in the ass so he wanted to avoid it as much as possible. “You can stay as long as you want, take some time to settle down and all that. I just...wanted to be open I guess.” Now that he explained it he couldn’t help but think he sounded pretty stupid. He was shocked to see Khai get up like he was about to leave and Landon quickly got up to follow him. “Hey, no. Don’t leave”, he said, taking a hold of his hand. “I’m sorry okay. I just-“ Landon shook his head. “This isn’t easy for me. Do you think I don’t want to push you down on the sofa and kiss you right now? Of course I want to! But you’re Roman‘a ex and I’m his...I’m his best friend, whether you like it or not. I can’t just do whatever I want without thinking of the repercussions.”

Malakhai 

To be honest, Khai really appreciated Landons honesty. No matter how much the truth was hurting him right now. It seemed like everything and anything he did would just ended up hurting him anyway. Or even worse, someone he truly cared about. He didn’t wanna be selfish, but why shouldn’t he be? He kinda felt like he had a right to be. He turned to face Landon when he grabbed his hand, and his eyes glossed over at his confession. “I get it, I do” he forced out through shaky breaths. Pulling his hand from Landons and taking a step backwards away from him. “I just... I can’t be here. This was a bad idea.” There was so much static in his head right now, and he just wanted to collapse and cry. But he wouldn’t to that. He had been beaten, molested, disowned, mistreated, and used his entire life. This wasn’t the time to break. “I should go” he said once again. “I know he’s your best friend. He’s mine too, and I don’t wanna hurt him. But I don’t wanna hurt either, Landon. You shouldn’t want that either. You deserve to be with someone who wants you and only you. I hope you find that.” He took a few more steps backwards toward the door, keeping his eyes on the other male. “I’m just gonna go. It will be better for us both if I do.”

Landon

Landon didn’t want him to go, he really didn’t, but he wasn’t sure what he could say to get him to stay. The only thing he knew would work was something he wasn’t sure he could give. They’d kissed before but doing it again would be different this time. It would be done knowing that what they had couldn’t be described as a random hookup anymore. It would mean knowing he was going to hurt Roman and doing it anyways. “I-“ Landon stopped because he could feel his voice was about to break. “I can’t give you what you want me to.” For once, Landon really wished he could be selfish. He was so sick and tired of being used and messed up with by everyone in his life only to forgive and forget. Why couldn’t he do something he wanted for once? But he couldn’t. “It’s not just me I have to think about. There are so many people depending on me making the right choice. I just don’t know what that is.”

Malakhai 

Khai could see Landon was struggling, and he hated that he was the cause of it. This wasn’t what he wanted to happen. He wasn’t there with intent to make things hard for the other male. “It’s okay, I get it” he said again. “But just for the record. I’m not leaving because you won’t kiss me.” He wanted to be real clear about that. “I just don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to be the reason for anyone’s distress anymore. I’m stepping back. You can all be happy now, and I’ll be okay. I’ll figure it out.” The tears were pushing their way past his eyes now without his control. “I really like you Landon. I liked you from the first day that we met. Before I even knew you were his ex. Before I let myself ruin everything. I wish things could be different.  I really do.” He brought his hand up to wipe away a tear and turned to open the door. Turning around once more as he stood in the door way, he flashed Landon a smile. “I’m sorry. I should have never let this happen. It’s my fault. I’ll leave you alone from here on out.”

Landon

Landon could understand where he was coming from. It was the same way he was feeling. No matter what he did and what he decided, someone was going to get hurt. He really wished they lived in a world where they could give it a try without having to think about all the people they would hurt and all the repercussions. Just a normal fucking relationship. But they couldn’t and it was useless thinking about all the what ifs. He wanted to stop him from leaving but he didn’t know what he could say; how he could make this better. They were bound to fail before they could even start but Landon couldn’t let him walk out thinking he never wanted to see him again. He walked up to him and leaned in for a kiss. It wasn’t anything big, just a quick peck. “I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Malakhai 

The peck on the lips from Landon took him a bit by surprise. Why would he kiss him after everything he had just said? Maybe it was a goodbye kiss? Maybe he just wanted him to shut up.? Either way, it didn’t matter. Things were the way they were, and they weren’t going to change. “Yeah, me too” he replied. A small part of him couldn’t help but to feel like maybe Landon only wanted him because he was with Roman. And now that he wasn’t, he was useless again. He turned around and stumbled down the steps toward his car and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “Fuck...” he breathed out as he collapsed against his car. The tears finally washing over him as he realized all the pain he had caused everyone, and how stupid he had been.

[abiik]

@vhsgf replied to your post “this song made me realize i've never written about jason missing zoe”

heather this might be too forward and angsty of me to say (pls lmk if is) but now i am curious about zoe reacting to jason's death and then mirroring w jason coming back from the dead and then finding out his best friend is dead. like it sounds so PAINFUL but like. also i wanna know about it. heather what have you done i-

i had to put my hair up for this. im literally so emotional about this rn,,,like when am i not but STILL OKAY IT MAKES ME VERY [SCREECHES] (also a read more because this is fucking long im so sorry)

okay let’s start with zoe because jason’s death is a traumatic thing for her on like multiple points all relating back to when she was like elementary school aged (im pretty sure i have it where she’s like 8 ish when this happens). before jason and before going into the whole vigilante business – no matter what version of zoe you prefer – she loses her two younger brothers in a joker related accident. he kills them. and zoe… zoe is so,,, well she’s angry. because no one does anything. no one. not that fabled batman, not the police, not the fucking government – NOBODY. and she’s just supposed to keep living her life like everything is fucking fine because oh that’s just the way gotham is. and like why the fuck would she just keep living her life when her barely out of toddler aged little brothers are now dead?? why wouldn’t she want to do something about that?? why the fuck should she just let it roll off her back like no biggie?? (of course, this is a catalyst for her mother’s downward spiral and eventual disappearance, and then keme’s).

then of course, there’s zoe’s powers. at that age she didn’t really understand the extent of them, what she could do with them and all that, but as they develop and her own awareness of them develop, she is faced by like intense guilt and remorse. if only she’d been able to do something. if only she’d been there. if only she could’ve stopped the joker. if only, if only, if only. and like, realistically, there wasn’t much she could do. it wasn’t like she knew fully how strong she was; she’d barely gotten flying down at that point, but then she’s growing up and she realizes she never really had a limit. and she kind of has this complex, i’ve said it before but she really does try to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, so everything that has happened to her up until this point after the twins die, it’s partly her fault; if only she could have been better, she could have saved them, she could have her mom, she could have keme – she could have her family back.

then, of course, there is in all of this her intense hatred of the joker. and by correlation to the whole fucking issue, gotham city and batman. (ive said that they kind of grow to like each other more, but when z and jay become friends and through their teen years until his death, it’s kind of like whenever youre gay and your bff is gay and you both kind of hate the other’s really fucked up parent who’s okay sometimes but isn’t all the time and you would totally like throw down with them if only there weren’t like,,,repercussions)

anyway, so when jason dies, it’s a big fucking deal. like he’d already been acting weird, bruce was worried about him, z was worried about him, and then he dies okay. and zoe… bruce doesn’t tell zoe right away. he doesn’t tell her and when zoe does find out, she. is. pissed. all of the shit with her baby brothers comes back. she wasn’t there. she wasn’t able to save him – because she sure as hell KNOWS that she could have at this point. and now he’s GONE. AND THIS ENTIRE TIME, SHE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE BECAUSE BRUCE DIDN’T TELL HER!!! she couldn’t even go to his funeral!!! and then, AND THEN, on fucking top of that – it was the joker who killed him. so jason’s death was like a fucking quadruple blow to her.

after finding out the details, zoe goes binary for the first time. and it’s… well it’s scary. it takes a whole lot of coaxing from old teammates and being physically restrained by diana (who lowkey is kinda like why?? are?? we?? stopping?? her?? from?? killing?? the?? joker??) and clark and donna, and they can’t even really knock her out because when she’s binary, there’s only really waiting out the duration of the high until she passes tf out from using too much energy. which she DOES and then after a good long talk with gran-gran, zoe’s going on a much needed retreat with diana to themyscira.

during that time, zoe’s super depressed. like reasonably, so. she’s so exhausted and she’s still angry but she’s also just like,,, so tired. she lost her best friend dude. like she loves jason so much, she loves him so much, and then he was just gone. poof! and at least, at least with atsa and ahiga, she got to like, be there for their send off. jason ends up being another hole in her life, like her dad and her mom and keme. he’s added to this list of people who all were just…g o n e. she didn’t get to mourn them. like obviously, she can, but every time she thinks about jason, she begins to spiral. (this is kind of when she starts drinking,,,, human alcohol can’t really touch her but she does therapeutically – which is!! not good!!) she also begins to distance herself – from jason’s titans (connor holds on with an iron grip and eddie still checks up on her, but rose was just as distraught and kyle is still kind of numb), from the original titans, from bruce and alfred, from diana, even from gran-gran and uncle bell. she fills the void with work as well as the alcohol that doesn’t really do anything to her except make her mouth taste gross and weird and she hates it but it’s become a habit. if she isn’t out doing some reckless thing while saving the world, then she’s at a bar or just sitting by the ocean.

she has bad dreams too, like horrible dreams. and like,,, they’re not necessarily horrific or anything,, she usually dreams about good times, memories with jason or with atsa and ahiga, sometimes some weird mixture of all three of them hanging out together and it’s the worst fucking thing because she wakes up and she wishes she was there too, that she could stay with them, because she misses them so much. she just wants her family back, she wants the family she had before jason and dick and alfred and the titans, but she also wants them too – she wants all of it.

and then it all comes to head with her dad’s sudden involvement with earth and shit. zoe sacrifices herself not only because she carries the fucking world on her shoulders and has a stupid martyr complex, but also because she thinks she’d be okay dying like this. she doesn’t. die that is. she doesn’t die but she also doesn’t come back.

jason’s revival story arc thing is all a bit murky for me bc I kind of like mix the whole waking up and clawing himself from his grave and also the under the red hood storyline (and like correct me if there is a version like that bc like,,, idk I can’t remember). anyway, so jason comes back, and like it’s kind of messy bc of timeline shit but he doesn’t really come back, come back, until z’s gone. like gone gone. like they held a funeral and everything for her. jason didn’t get to go and THAT is SHIT. like yeah, he wasn’t fucking alive, nobody fucking knows he’s alive anyway, but it still hurts.

and like,,, you know what else kind of hurts, is like he kind of thought that after he came back, if no one was on his side – if for some reason literally everyone was against him – he’d still have zoe. that’s the worst fucking part. he hears about what happened. he hears that she literally went ballistic. and like,, jason KNOWS that zoe would have his side, that zoe would be there for him, that even if she might not have agreed with some of the things he’s done, that she’d be right by his side, showing she cares. because like. like I know bruce is kind of stunted with emotional expression, but it’s really hard to feel like you’re appreciated when someone else’s love language is so fucking hard to translate, when you need constant validation, to be told you matter to be shown you matter to them and they can’t accommodate even a little bit, because of their pride or because they have to deem that you deserve it all of a sudden. and like I love bruce, but they way he treats his kids is shit. so yeah. jason feels hella alone when he comes back and his best friend, his rock, his ride or die (literally wfkejvnk) is fucking gone.

jason definitely has nightmares too. he doesn’t know how zoe died, like really know – no one does, because there hadn’t been a body. and jason’s mind can be a pretty dark place already, add on top of that the nightmares about his best friend dying the same way he did, or being like dick, who actually witnessed the explosion that ‘killed’ zoe. he can’t even fathom what zoe went through with his death, but eventually, as jason kind of comes back into the batfam and shit, he also kind of gets to be with the last of zoe’s family. gran-gran and uncle bell are much warmer than bruce wayne and that too big mansion and that cold fucking cave. jason goes to the ranch a lot, or finds himself at uncle bell’s antique shop whenever he needs a breather, to just be alone with something that close to zoe.

they literally both go through that period where they’re extremely reckless with mourning and regrets and fuck i never got to say this and fuck what could I have done differently, what could I have changed if I’d been there? but where jason is able to recover more effectively, zoe doesn’t do so well in space.

really, that song had triggered thoughts about jason going through her things, the things she left in his bedroom – that bruce refused to touch or move or anything – and just thinking back on their life together. it was definitely shorter than they expected and when jason thinks about it, it’s a whole bunch of salty anger and throat swelling sadness that has him kind of crippled. because like,,, he also knows how the twins died, he knows how it happened, not only did he have the firsthand accounts from those most effected, but also like, he read the reports. he KNOWS, and he feels kind of guilty, just a little bit, that what he did put her through a similar version to losing her baby brothers.

NREJKVNERLFEWLFJNEKR FUCK OKAY I THINK I NEED TO STOP LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A BIG DUMB BUT BFJKERNFKJEN F   U   C   K  OKAY

[richincolor]

Group Discussion: Patron Saints of Nothing

Hey, everyone! The Rich in Color bloggers have gotten together to discuss Randy Ribay’s PATRON SAINTS OF NOTHING. As always, there will likely be spoilers in our conversation. If you haven’t yet read it, we recommend you go get it.

A powerful coming-of-age story about grief, guilt, and the risks a Filipino-American teenager takes to uncover the truth about his cousin’s murder.

Jay Reguero plans to spend the last semester of his senior year playing video games before heading to the University of Michigan in the fall. But when he discovers that his Filipino cousin Jun was murdered as part of President Duterte’s war on drugs, and no one in the family wants to talk about what happened, Jay travels to the Philippines to find out the real story.

Hoping to uncover more about Jun and the events that led to his death, Jay is forced to reckon with the many sides of his cousin before he can face the whole horrible truth — and the part he played in it.

As gripping as it is lyrical, Patron Saints of Nothing is a page-turning portrayal of the struggle to reconcile faith, family, and immigrant identity.

Crystal: Families are complicated. Very complicated. Jay likely knew that on one level, but as he gets re-acquainted with his extended family in the Philippines, this becomes even more obvious. I found it interesting that Jay felt closer to his cousins than his siblings. And even more notable was his relationship with his uncle, but for completely different reasons. I think his changing opinions of his uncle were evidence that he was maturing. He begins to see that not only are family relationships complex, but people are too. We’re not simply good or evil. Individuals have so many facets.

Jessica: As someone who grew up in a different country than my cousins, I definitely connected with Jay’s relationship with Jun — close in some ways, distant in others, and overshadowed by the regret that they’ve drifted apart. The letters the two exchange really brought Jun to life, and his initial introduction — consoling Jay — sets the tone for a central conflict: The ways Jay is connected to his heritage, and the ways his perspective differs, as someone who grew up in America. I’m in awe of how PATRON SAINTS OF NOTHING managed to thread the needle on this conflict, and show the fraught complexities of family, and coming from an immigrant background.

Audrey: I really liked how PATRON SAINTS OF NOTHING tackled complicated family dynamics between and across generations. Whether its Jay and his immediate family, the relationships among the parents’ generation, or his slow-building connection to Grace, there is a lot simmering under the surface. Not only are different people actively keeping secrets from one another, but Jay is also at a significant disadvantage due to language and cultural barriers. (Side note: As someone who can’t communicate much with her own grandmother due to a language barrier, Jay’s interactions with his grandparents were painfully familiar.) I really appreciated the scene with Jun’s service for this reason; even though Jay couldn’t understand most of what his other family members said, it was obvious that Jun had mattered to them all despite the ways they had/had not shown it previously.

K. Imani: I agree with you Audrey about how the novel tackled the dynamics across generations. In my extended family, so many stories are unknown because the elders refuse to speak on it, like Jay’s father about why he left the Philippines. The last years of Jun’s life would have been another untold story had not Jay decided to seek it out and stir up trouble in his family. I could truly empathize with his struggle and his frustration with his family, specifically his uncle. I feel like Jay’s insistence on learning about Jun and his family helped not only himself but the rest of his family.

Crystal: A large part of this story focuses on Jay’s connections to his family and to the Philippines. His father explains that “It’s easy to romanticize a place when it’s far away. Filipino Americans have a tendency to do that.” He goes on to say, “But as many good things as there are, there are many bad things, things not so easy to see from far away. When you are close, though, they are sometimes all you see.” Jay definitely has to square his ideas about the Philippines with the reality he meets.

Jessica: Ack! This was a big deal to me… so naturally, I’ve already discussed it in my earlier answer — but yeah, that line from his father is so important, especially in stories where an American goes back to the motherland. I feel that, as someone who’s always dreaming of Taiwan.

Audrey: Jay marched into his extended family’s lives (and the Philippines) with a lot of ignorance and multiple preconceptions, and by the end of it, he left with a better understanding of them and himself–and a desire to close the distance between them. What elevates this from the painful White Person Goes to a Foreign Country to Find/Better Themselves narrative is that Jay gets called out on his ignorance and assumptions constantly, and he isn’t a savior who sweeps in and fixes everything. There are Filipinos already doing the hard work and who will continue to do that work after he leaves. At the same time, Jay also has claim to his motherland, and his uncle’s gatekeeping and frequent digs at Jay are clearly unhelpful. I think a lot of diaspora folks will find things to relate to in Jay’s story.

Crystal: This book deals with President Duterte’s war on drugs. The abuse of drugs is such a huge social issue. It seems when people declare these wars on drugs, they actually seem to declare war on people. And the people they are warring against are often the ones most negatively impacted by the drug use. Jun’s cousin Grace tells him that Jun thought “that those suffering from addiction needed to be helped, not to be arrested because their addiction was as much genetics as it was a choice. And those pushing need to be employed, not killed, because most of them were only trying to survive.” Beyond that, looking for the corruption that allowed the drugs to get into the country would also be a good place to start. It’s so much easier to demonize the addicts and the pushers than solving many of the problems that lead to the drug use — especially when the people in power actually benefit from looking like they are working on the problem, but still leaving the whole system in place. This story helps share the human side of this war.

Audrey: PATRON SAINTS OF NOTHING did a great job of pointing out the complexity and hypocrisy surrounding this war on drugs and how easy it is for people to start looking at one another as less worthy of life simply because they are visible symptoms of larger social ills. Even Jay doesn’t want to believe that Jun could have been using drugs, and that leads him to erroneous conclusions for much of the novel. It’s simpler for those in power to make an enemy of those who are suffering rather than doing the complicated, expensive work of tackling corruption and the problems that lead to drug use in the first place.

K. Imani: I agree with both of you that this novel does an excellent job of putting a human face on drug abuse, and highlights the issue with Duterte’s drug war, that sadly, many in the US do not know about. It definitely showed that the way to deal with drug abuse is to treat it as a health issue, rather than a criminal issue, because Jun wasn’t a criminal. Jun was a troubled, but giving soul, and if he’d had treatment instead of killed, he would really make an impact in his world. Additionally, I feel like this highlight of Duterte’s drug war also shows how power corrupts and how people can fall so easily into following along to hold onto power. I know that we learned different sides of Uncle Maning, however, his blind faithfulness to Duterte and the drug war disturbed me. The belief to do anything for the “law and order” and the “safety of the people”, when in reality the ones in power are the ones we fear. This hit a little too close to home to me.

Crystal: Many families have secrets or things they really don’t talk about much, but there were many things going on here that Jay was learning for the first time. Some of his family members are working to help girls escape from trafficking situations and he never even knew. It makes me think about how many things people are keeping from each other. And like Jay wonders, why do we not share more and love more when we all have the capacity to love so deeply? We certainly miss out, but it’s protective to stay separate and keep things hidden.

Audrey: Some of the best scenes in the book are when Jay is able to bridge that gap between himself and someone else in his family. It takes courage to speak and the willingness to be vulnerable, and Jay is starting to embrace both by the end of the book. Jun’s letters were excellent examples of this, as was Jay’s final letter back. I was really pleased with how the book ended and how Jay had changed in this regard when he came back to the U.S.

K. Imani: Without giving away the ending, I loved the way Patron Saints ended because Jay and his father’s conversation ended the cycle of keeping secrets. In the beginning of the book, Jay didn’t really have a deep friendship with anyone and I felt sad for him, but clearly it was because he was used to growing up with a closed off family. Clearly, he needed an outlet and I feel like the trip to the Philippines and his brief time with Mia, who became a real friend, helped him express himself for the first time in years. It was also very brave of him to speak out to his family, but it overall lead to a healthy change for Jay and his entire family. I almost wanted an epilogue at the end to see how much his family had changed after Jay’s experience, as I would have loved to see how Jay’s relationship with his father changed for the better.

Crystal: I haven’t seen many books set in the Philippines, but I’ve really enjoyed the ones I’ve read — ANGEL DE LA LUNA AND THE 5TH GLORIOUS MYSTERY (review here) and DURAN DURAN, IMELDA MARCOS, AND ME (adult book with YA appeal). Have you all read many other books set there? Do you have any to recommend?

Jessica: This is a short story and not a YA book, but it’s really good so I’m going to take the chance to plug it anyway: “Asphalt, River, Mother, Child” by Isabel Yap on Strange Horizons. The story tackles the what’s going on in the Philippines right now, and it’s incredible and heartbreaking. (Please check the content warnings before reading.)

Audrey: You know, I think PATRON SAINTS OF NOTHING is the first book I’ve read set in the Philippines! I have read works by Filipino-American writers before, but this was the first one actually set in the Philippines, so far as I remember.

K. Imani: I read ANGEL DE LA LUNA AND THE 5TH GLORIOUS MYSTERY as well and really loved it, so I second Crystal’s recommendation. I don’t think I’ve read any others, but I’m definitely open to reading more in the future.

Extra: Salve Villarosa (@cuckooforbooks) a BookTuber in the Phillipines created two great videos about this book. The first is her review of the book and the second is a Q&A with Randy Ribay during his book launch in Manila.

To add your thoughts, please send out a tweet or comment section on the Rich in Color blog post.

[yooniesim]

ADRIAN WATANABE, 5'12. 

 Adrian Watanabe is 24 years old, he was born on September 5th, of 1994, virgo. He’s born in Brooklyn, New York, but raised in Goyang, South Korea. He is Korean-Japanese, Adrian’s personality can be a mix sometimes but he is sweet but isn’t afriad to be a smartmouth. He is very caring, even though he hates to admit that he is. At times he could get abit kinky,can get abit jealous if in a certain situation. He is very dedicated to whatever/anything that he loves or sets his mind to, even if he’s an axshole at times, he’ll 100% always say sorry. can be sweet with words most times. 

 When Adrian was little he was always the center of attention, he was known as the wealthy son his whole life. His dad the highest paid docter in Korea, His Mother the biggest known Attorney. He was constantly always being used as an example for students and kids to look up to, he was perfect in their eyes. it got to the point where on the daily his parents would be so hard on him that it made Adrian drift off from reality, he hated that kids would think he was perfect and that he never made mistakes because the truth was all he ever did was make mistakes. He wanted them to see the real Adrian not some font he would put up for his parents sake. He thought that if only they knew the real him, everyone would turn their backs on him, he just couldn’t let anyone know what actually happens behind the scenes. The true Adrian was hanging with the wrong crowd, he would drink, get high, even get in fights with people he didn’t even know. He would come home drunk with a busted lip, his dad would always yell at him “Where have you been!? i’ve told you to stop hanging with those kids! get your shxt together Ian! i swear you’ll be on the streets if you don’t quit this type of behavior now!!” he slapped his son on the same cheek he would always slap, Adrian scoffed as he would rub the same red spot on his cheek his dad slapped him. He just stared at his dad with glaring eyes as he spoke up like always,“Crazy Bastard.” as he walked to his room, not forgetting to slam the door behind him. times like this his step-mother would always be the one to calm his father, he never cared about what they thought. He never had a good relationship with his dad ever since he can remember, they never even once said I love you to each other. In moments like this Adrian would silently rap his pain away, “i don’t wanna hear any hopeful words, why is everyone making it a big deal when i’m fine? My breakup was a bit tough, left me with a small scratch. i know it’s gonna be way better after a day or two. Silence means “please be happy.” tears mean “i truly loved you.” i won’t die just because they left me, so please don’t look at me as if you’re looking at someone that’s dying.“ he sigh, letting it all out like he did every single night. He only got good grades and acted good for his mother since he made her that promise, but it wasn’t who he was and he hoped she saw that. Eventually that same night, Adrian packed up as much as possible and left home, he didn’t even leave a note behind. He walked alone that whole night wondering if he should stay or leave, but he knew he made the right choice. 

He did end up getting a small apartment with the small amount of money he had saved up, as days went by he finally was able to be himself little by little, even though it hurt him to know his father never bothered to look for him. Adrian started to create music of his own, slowly starting to gain more money to be able to get more studio supplies. Slowly, enough Adrian started to distance himself from problems as well as the people he called friends, as he started new. Adrian soon became a very well known rapper/music producer throughout the music industry, he was in a very happy stage in his life but that doesn’t mean he won’t experience a low in life because he will eventually but he didn’t care about that because he wanted to live in the moment and that’s what he was doing. 

 Traits: Music, Good, Virgo, Confident 

 "Adrian. but you can call me Ian, i will do stupid shxt like most of the times but i’ll try and make up for it because to me you’re my muse. So let’s just live in the moment” 

 Playlist:

Chris Brown Ft. Drake - No Guidance

Loco Ft. Jay Park - Thinking about You

Boogie wit da hoodie - look back at it

Khalid - Better

IKON - Apology

Adrian submitted by Binnie anon, thank you so much!!!!!!! 💜💜💜

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Never Getting Rid of Me (One-Sided Coletraviolet) (Ninjago Valentine’s Week - Day Two)

Day Two: Crackship / Rareship- Okay I don’t really think I have any so I kind of cheated and did a Coletraviolet crackship because there are moments when I believe she’s obsessed with Cole? Headcanons? She kind of is?

This isn’t my best, it’s the first time I’ve written something like this, but this, like yesterdays oneshot, wouldn’t leave my head (yesterdays was better so if you think this sucks read yesterdays instead haha) but this one is also depressing and about Cole so I’m going to try and make the next few not about Cole, and not depressing! I hope someone can actually enjoy this:)

Warning: unconsented kissing and mentions of unconsented touching (i.e. pulling at hips and running of hands along a body, nothing graphic at all!!). I’m not sure if this needs a warning for that but figured I’d warn anyways!

(sorry if this sucks! Okay. Here I go. I’ll stop ranting about this now)

----

When Cole finally managed to find The Bounty after escaping the Sons of Garmadon, all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and sleep the past few days away.

He brushed off his teammate’s concerned questions about how he was. If he was okay. If they hurt him. He simply muttered that he was fine.

He brushed off the questions as to why he was holding a child.

He simply handed the child to Nya before telling the group he needed to lay down.

When he was finally away from the hoards of questions, from people, and the bars keeping him contained, he sighed, carefully lowering his sore self onto his bed. First Spinjitzu Master, the last few days had been quite a ride, and a horrible one at that.

Seconds after he closed his eyes, though, he opened them again. All he could see was her face. Her horrible, ugly, heavily powdered face.

He didn’t want to think of Ultra Violet.

He didn’t want to think of the way that she had pulled his hands behind his back and bound them, how she had carelessly thrown him over her shoulder then tied him to the back of the bike, knocking him unconscious as soon as he was secure.

How she had visited him more than once during his stay, her eyes travelling up and down his body, her lips parted as she hurled insults and degrading flirtatious comments his way.

Thinking about her, about the things she had said to him made him sick.

No matter how hard he’d tried to forget, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t forget the day she had entered his cell.

She had stood outside of it, gazing at him with lust and wonder. He had felt nervous. He couldn’t forget how she had said to him, “You’re a beautiful boy, do you know that?” as she began to approach him, how she had held a knife to his throat before forcing venge stone handcuffs around his wrists then pulling him closer by the waist and forcing their mouths together. How after a minute or so she had forced him to his knees and towered over him.

It had been disgusting and demeaning. It hurt when she bit his lip, hurt when he tried to pull away and she responded by digging the knife further into his throat.

He couldn’t forget the feeling of her running her free hand along his body. The feeling of complete and utter helplessness and weakness as she used him.

He felt disgusting.

Cole was sure the lipstick smears were still on his face, sure that the team had seen them. He was grateful none of them had asked him about it.

What was he supposed to tell them? That his first kiss had been from her? That he didn’t want it? That now he never wanted a second because the first had been terrible? How pathetic would that sound?

What haunted him the most, though, were the last words she had said to him before locking his cell door. She had smacked him to the ground, removed the handcuffs, then walked away from him. “I had fun,” she had told him, her eyes glistening with lust and satisfaction.

“Yeah, well I didn’t,” he had snapped, standing up defiantly despite his legs screaming with pain.

She began humming as she pulled the keys from her pocket. “I’ll see you again soon,” she smirked as she shook the keys just out of his grasp.

“Not gonna happen.”

“Oh honey, you are never getting rid of me.”

Those words kept him awake that night, even after he showered and the lipstick washed away, he couldn’t help but fear what she said.

The next day, he told no one still.

Jay and Kai asked him if he were okay once more, told him that he looked sick.

Boy did he feel sick.

But he just brushed them off, telling them that it was nothing. That he was fine.

Then they found a nearly destroyed Zane, and everyone soon forgot about his capture. He was glad.

When the Sons of Garmadon had invaded the ship and had them surrounded, Ultra Violet was the one who first approached him. She was the one who had pried Wu from his hands before handing him off to Killow and grabbing him by the arm, telling the group they had unfinished business.

As she dragged him away, he helplessly locked eyes with Jay. Jay who had made to come after him and help him but was forced back by Mr. E. Cole opened his mouth with the intentions of screaming or telling her to stop, but he was frozen with fear.

She had thrown him into a chair and straddled him before breaking the distance and forcefully shoving her lips onto his. He once more protested, but she hit him, yanked on his hair, and once again he felt helpless.

When he was returned to the team, when he became chained with them, they once more questioned him, asking him if he was okay, what she had wanted.

He just brushed them off, telling them that she had wanted to finish interrogating him. No big deal. He was fine.

Jay asked about the bruise on his cheek, worry embedded in his voice.

He just brushed it off and told him he that he simply didn’t comply, that it was only one little hit.

Besides, the bruise masked the lipstick this time.

He had heard Kai curse Ultra Violet for hurting Cole under his breath, calling her foul names that she deserved. That made him feel a little better.

Days later, he saw her again.

As he pulled at the lever, trying to find a way to save both Lloyd and Misako from being forced to drown, she appeared in front of him.

“Hmm, hello again,” she had mused happily, madly tugging at the lever from the other side.

He grunted, pulling with all his might, though he felt like his strength had been stolen from him at the moment. He felt that way every time he saw her. “Umm, a little help!” he had cried, desperately trying to mask his fear.

She chuckled wildly before leaning over the bar and close to his face and whispering, “I told you you’d never get rid of me.” One of her hands began to move closer and closer… but Kai came just in time, knocked her out of the way and into the line of Nya.

He was able to distract himself with saving Lloyd.

But she had been so close again.

Days later, when he was in the realm of the Oni and Dragon, he thought he would be safe from her.

She was gone, in a completely different realm.

But when he went to bed in what was left of their home that first night, he still saw her face.

He still heard her laugh, could still feel the horrible way her lips had felt against his. His dream forced him to relive his horrible first kiss, relive the moments she teased him, insulted him, she touched him.

When he woke up that morning, he awoke with a gasp.

Even though he was now awake, he could still hear, feel, see. He drew his knees to his chest, covered his ears with his hands to try to keep himself from hearing her voice. “You’re never getting rid of me,” she continuously cackled in his head. He closed his eyes, began to mutter an incoherent mess of words under his breath.

He felt someone grab at his arms, prying his hands from his ears.

He heard the soft, gentle, voice of someone calling his name. The piercing, high-pitched howling faded into nothingness.

He opened his eyes. Blinked.

Zane was kneeling in front of him, his hands firmly and carefully gripping his wrists.

Cole looked him in the eyes, seeking comfort, reality. He could always find refuge in Zane’s soft blue eyes.

He felt himself calming down as he gazed into them. They were familiar, they were the gentle, they were filled with worry.

As he sunk back into reality, he heard Zane ask him if he was okay.

He slowly looked around their camp. Kai, Jay, and Wu were still sleeping, he didn’t wake them up, and that’s what mattered.

He looked back at Zane.

He just brushed him off. “I’m fine.”

[onlyinmyimagination]

Keeping Tabs | His Side

Jason Todd X (Female) Reader / Character Insert

Mobster/Mafia/Criminal AU

Genre: Romance, Fluff, bit of Angst I guess

Warnings: minor character deaths, some violence, some curse words… 

Notes: I made up a character who isn’t even important and Arsenal makes an appearance

***This is NOT the sequel or next part of Keeping Tabs***

This is honestly the same as the original story (Keeping Tabs) but this one is written from Jason’s point of view/perspective sorta. You don’t have to read the original to read this. It’s almost the same (just longer). 

***Again this is NOT a continuation of Keeping Tabs***

Original story here // Part 2 // Part 2: His Side

Based on this prompt, but with modifications

Prompt: During a bank robbery you’re surprised when the criminals seem to recognize you and retreat in fear. Only later do you learn that your high school sweet heart crush now runs a global crime syndicate and has you placed on a “No Harm” list. You decide to pay them a visit You meet your crush again after all these years.

Jason Todd’s first love was in high school. It would’ve been nice to have been high school sweethearts but that wasn’t the best of ideas at that time, or anytime at all really.

It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. It was a love that grew the more he watched you.

He remembers the day he met you so vividly because it was the only day he had gotten so beat up that he had been unable to move for hours.

Jason’s life hadn’t always been so great. He always got into some sort of trouble so it’s no surprise that he eventually got himself involved with some really bad people. More specifically, he got wrapped up in some shady business with a small mob family. Then he got into something of a disagreement with the mob Boss which then resulted in a more physical disagreement that landed him near death at some random park. So there he was, sprawled out on the dirty grass; bleeding, clothes torn, and looking like a hobo.

“Just you wait, old man,” Jason grumbled to himself as he remained unmoving and in agonizing pain. “I’m going to take over the world, you’ll see.” Some time passed and he still couldn’t bring himself to move. Countless people had passed by him, ignoring him or avoiding him. Some people even screamed when they saw him or threw dirty looks, but he didn’t pay them any mind as he focused on planning his revenge. 

And it was then that you appeared before him.From his peripheral vision he saw someone loitering near him but he continued to ignore all the passersby.

But then you spoke.

“Jason?” came the hesitant voice. His eyes landed on your form as you approached him. You kneeled beside him though you were careful to keep your distance. “Jason, are you okay?”

A scowl marred his features and he demanded harshly. “What do you want?” He couldn’t believe his luck. How could someone recognize him when he was in such a mess? He was sure no one would have suspected the homeless-looking person on the ground was Jason Todd.

“Do you need help? I go to the same school as you,” you stuttered. “Let me help you. Should I call an ambulance? Or take you to a hospital?”

You were asking so many questions but not the ones he expected. Not “What happened to you?” or “Who did this?” or “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t need your help. Go away,” he dismissed you with a controlled tone. This was unexpected and he didn’t know how to react to you, a complete stranger.

But you were stubborn. “Should I call the police to help?” you suggested.

“No! No cops!” he immediately yelled. “Just go! Leave.”

“But I can’t just leave you like this,” you answered meekly with concern etched in your features.

“Damn it, just fuck off!” Jason shouted, making you flinch back. “I don’t even know who you are, for Christ’s sake.” He glared at you to scare you away and he thought it worked when you stood up. For the love of God, he even watched you leave but no, you returned shortly and placed some items on the ground next to him. You had avoided his gaze as you did so and he watched you sit on a park bench a few feet away. He let himself relax while he contemplated what to do now that there was a girl keeping him company nearby and a variety of unknown items next to him.

Annoying, was the word repeating in his thoughts.

A long time passed by before he willed his injured body to move. He managed to put some weight on his arms to sit up and he caught your gaze while doing so.

“What are you looking at?! Stop looking at me!” he yelled out to you, making you turn away quickly. “Damn it,” he mumbled as he brought his hand up to his face. He suddenly felt guilty and embarrassed for yelling at you so much. A quick glance at the items near him and he knew what they were for. He contemplated calling out to you to help him treat his injuries but he figured he had ordered you around enough today. He dowsed all his open wounds with the water you supplied before applying the antiseptics and wrapping himself up with the bandages.

You were still sitting on the bench and he eyed you curiously as he fixed himself up. He couldn’t help but notice the tension in your shoulders and the way you fidgeted in your seat. You must have been uncomfortable waiting. He scoffed at this. No one asked you to stay and wait for him. But he was grateful so he pushed through the pain to limp over to where you sat.

The surprise on your face was evident, and you were even more shocked when he thanked you and apologized to you. Your eyes scanned his body’s condition and he felt slightly irritated by your ceaseless fussing.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” you insisted and he wanted to roll his eyes at your stubbornness.

“It’s fine,” he stated with finality. Then rather awkwardly he said, “But hey, let me thank you with dinner or something to eat. I don’t have much on me though.”

Your eyes widened at his words and you were suddenly so flustered he couldn’t help but smile in amusement.

“Oh, no. It’s fine! I’m glad you’re okay so I’ll just go,” you said while fumbling over your words. You were about to turn to leave but he stopped you.

“Hold up, I’m hungry and I need company. Are you really going to let an injured person eat alone?” He raised a brow at you as he awaited your answer.

You fell silent while you despaired over the predicament. “Okay. Where do you want to eat?”

Jason smirked at your easily exploitable nature and contemplated dinner options. Judging from the intense pain, he had most likely sprained his ankle so he figured he shouldn’t be walking too far. He motioned to a nearby fast-food chain and you walked with him into the establishment. From there words weren’t exchanged often but he was able to take the chance to subtly observe you for the duration of your time together.

He bought food for you without your permission and he thanked you once more before he insisted you return home. It was already getting dark by then and he needed to call for a ride to pick him up. He didn’t want anyone he knew from the “underground” organization to see you with him. Despite the kindness you showed him, or rather, because of the kindness you showed him, he vowed to never get close to you. He vowed it then and there.

That did not, however, stop him from doing research on you. He had committed your face to memory and easily found your school records - finding everything from your classes to your home address. It was difficult to stop himself from going up to you at school and even harder to stop himself from watching you whenever he caught sight of you. As far as he knew, you didn’t tell a soul about seeing him at the park when he was sure anyone else would have had they found him instead of you. You never sought him out or tried to talk to him no matter how much he secretly wanted you to.

He used to watch you laugh with your classmates, watch you wait for your friends outside their classrooms, and watch you help your teachers carry things to other classrooms.

And always, without fail, the moment you turn your head in his direction he would look away and pretend to focus on something else. For years this was the most he allowed himself.

As time passed his Red Hood persona slowly gained rank and reputation within the underground community. Despite this he always kept tabs on you. He knew where you were everyday, almost every moment of the day. But when he finally reached the top he could no longer keep constant watch over you. There was too much to do and a heavy responsibility on his shoulders. So to guarantee your safety he let the whole world know you were under the Red Hood’s protection. He created a No Harm List and placed your name on it.

Jason is checking the activity of a small gambling establishment run by a triad gang when the communication system alerts him to an incoming call. “What is it?” he answers into the mic built into the red helmet.

“Uh, something came up,” Arsenal’s voice comes in through the speaker. He sounds hesitant and cautious. “Something you won’t like. It’s urgent.”

“Then spit it out already,” he sighs. He signals the men around him to leave his presence and let him talk alone.

“Your girlfriend ran into some trouble. She’s at a local police station right now but her name came up in the federal system so I checked it out. Must’ve been some big trouble to get on the government radar. Though it’s most likely they’re using her to get info on you.”

“What girlfriend?” Jason demands with annoyance.

“The girl on your List, Jay,” Arsenal replies. “The only name on your only List.”

Jason curses after taking a second to register his words. “Tell me what you know.”

“I was telling you before you so rudely interrupted me.”

“Arsenal,” Jason warns as he moves to leave the vicinity. He motions for his men to follow as he gets into a waiting car.

“Relax. There’s not much info right now. She was literally just registered into the system.”

“Fine. Keep me updated. And I need a flight out of Hong Kong right away.” He can’t help the need to check on you himself.

“Got it. Your jet should be ready at the airport.”

Jason is in the air in ten minutes but his mind is elsewhere. For the next few hours his thoughts are full of you as worry and concern gnaw at his insides. He calls Arsenal when he doesn’t hear from him after so long in the air.

“Got anything?” he asks, almost demands.

“Yeah, but nothing you’ll like. I’ve tapped into their security system and database. Apparently she was at the scene of a bank robbery. Witnesses reported her for suspicious activity because of what was seen and heard…” Arsenal’s voice trails off slightly as he reports his findings, “… because of the robbers’ reactions to her. Jay, she’s been listed as a possible accomplice to Red Hood.”

Jason is silent as he absorbs the information. Panic and denial consume his thoughts. Then he asks a question in a low voice, “Who were the robbers?”

“They’re from Sal’s gang,” is the quick response.

A string of curses leaves his mouth as anger courses through him. The measures he took to prevent events of this nature were not enough to keep you safe. The last time he tapped into the public cameras to check on you around the city, you had been safe at home. But now you’re sitting in a lowly interrogation room, treated like a criminal, and accused of wrongdoing. The predicament you’re facing makes him absolutely livid. He takes deep breaths to calm himself.

After a moment he questions with a controlled voice, “The police still has her?”

“Yeah, she’s been there for about 5 hours now. And that’s just to retrieve her records and files. They’re doing every possible background check on her. They won’t find anything, right?”

“She’s clean,” he seethes, anger filling him again. He feels offended that anyone would think you are anything but good. And God, from his experience good is an understatement.

He gets to your city after another 2 hours of flying. He grinds his teeth in frustration when he finds out you’re still inside the damned police station. With time to kill until the police release you he goes to off the lackeys who thoughtlessly caused these unforgivable cascade of events.

It doesn’t take long to find Sal and demand the idiots be given to him for retribution. Sal presents the men he asks for like a sacrifice and he doesn’t bother to lecture them about the offense they’ve committed. One bullet to the head for each of them is all it takes, and he’s soon near the police station where you are and staking out the area.

With some resources at his disposal Jason sets up some equipment in a nearby restaurant that is affiliated with his organization. He taps into the street cameras to do a quick surveillance around your area of residence and he finds he is not the only one doing so. He easily spots officers stationed at different corners of your street and sees one officer exiting your home. It’s only logical to assume your home is already bugged and he mutters curses at the events unfolding before him.

To set up a perimeter, he taps into the public cameras around his location and tracks the GPS navigational systems of the cop cars to help him avoid any authorities patrolling the area. He’s immediately on his feet when he sees that you’ve been released and now walking down the block. He leaves the restaurant and waits inconspicuously at the side. You’re completely unsuspecting and defenseless as you pass by him, and it’s all too easy to grab you and pull you into the secluded alleyway. He wants to scold you for having your head in the clouds especially now with everything that’s happened, but he refrains from doing so as he looks down at you.

Your eyes are squeezed shut when he pins you in place and he wishes he didn’t have to confront you about the recent events. He doesn’t even know if you remember him. It’d be good if you really had forgotten about him, then the police would have no reason to suspect you and they can leave you alone for good. If you don’t remember anything about him then you don’t have to be involved any further, but he has to know so he asks, “What did you tell them?”

You’re looking at him with such a frightened expression that he feels guilt wash over him. Then he’s angry all over again. He doesn’t regret offing those incompetent lackeys but damn, if he could shoot them again, he would.

You give a simple answer of denying knowing him and his men and he’s relieved to hear that you have yet to find out his identity. You’re speaking again in a softer voice this time, and damn it all, the last time he heard your voice like this was the day he met you. He’s partially distracted as you speak but then he hears that you were shown a picture of someone you went to school with. The gears in his head are turning and he dreads the possibility of you remembering him. But perhaps it’s a chance, an opportunity, to reveal his identity. If you remember him, maybe it’s a sign that he should reveal himself to you? A sign to tell you who he is? To tell you he wants to be with you? Is it possible you’d want to be with him too? Would you return his love if he professes it here and now?

No, no. That shouldn’t be his main concern. He needs to confirm what you know first.

“Who did you recognize?” he finally asks as he studies your curious expression. It takes so much self control to keep his conflicting feelings at bay. He’s stayed away for so long, and facing you now makes his resolve waver.

“Jason Todd,” you answer. His name from your mouth feels like a bullet to the heart and he’s breathless. He feels so incredibly weak and full of doubt about everything he’s done up to now. He sees a beacon of hope and he wants to tell you everything. If there’s a chance you’ll accept him, shouldn’t he take it? He wants to tell you that he’s sorry, that he was only trying to protect you, that all he ever wanted was your safety and what’s best for you. But a question from your lips puts his resolve to the test, “Do you know me?”

He is supposed to answer no. He should be saying no to protect you, to keep you safe. But he wants to answer yes, that’s he’s never forgotten you, that he has always been watching over you. He stops himself from saying anything thoughtlessly and steps away from you. That’s when he hears the quiet alert of a cop entering the perimeter. He estimates he has only a few more minutes to talk with you and he decides to save this conversation for another day. His first thought is to formally apologize because you deserve at least that much for what happened today.

“I apologize for what happened today at the bank.” He can’t hide his irritation when he explains the source of the problem. “I had to fly all the way from Hong Kong to take care of those idiots. Because of them you had to go through all this nonsense. They were never supposed to go near you.”

“What happened to them? Did you punish them or something?” He finds himself smiling at your concern for the wellbeing of those lowly criminals even in the face of your own disadvantageous situation. He gives a short laugh, feeling almost relieved at finding out first-hand that you are still the same after all these years. Most likely you believe they don’t deserve punishment since no harm ultimately came to you, but you were now under suspicion by the government, and that was a punishable crime to him.

“You should be more worried about yourself,” he tells you. He explains how you’ll be watched and monitored from now on and sees the panic flash in your eyes.

“How did you find me?” is yet another question from your lips. It’s vague and he wonders if you meant to ask what resources he used to find you or if you meant to ask how he knew you were in trouble.

He answers vaguely in return by explaining how easy it is to track civilians and then tries to coax you into secrecy, “Keep quiet about this, got it? I’ll see you again.” He hears another alert from the surveillance he set up and he knows time is short.

Emotional turmoil shakes his reasoning again when you ask how you can contact him. You’re not supposed to want to see him again, and he wants to scold you for not being more careful. Even if he made it obvious he will not hurt you, that shouldn’t have been a good enough reason to seek out a global criminal.

He says curtly, “You won’t be able to find me. I’ll come to you. I’ll see you again.” He ushers you onto the open sidewalk and then rushes back into the restaurant to pack up his equipment. He leaves the owner of the restaurant with a hefty sum of compensation and he’s soon on another flight back to Hong Kong to finish up his business.

A week later Jason is ending a deal with a gang at a Cuban port. He’s been itching to visit you again, but being the head of a global crime syndicate means organizing ahead of time before taking care of personal affairs. A flight back to your town is already scheduled for him and he should be in the air in an hour. He needs to hurry since he only has a short window of free time.

When he’s in the air and in his private jet he immediately checks the activity around your area. An officer is on lookout not too far from your place and is keeping watch from his car. Jason already knows that all your phones and devices were bugged so that they could listen in on any and all conversations. He works quickly and from an untraceable number, sends an encrypted message to the officer’s personal phone telling him to take the day off. Another message is sent containing only a very high number. He wires that exact number into the officer’s bank account and he watches the street camera for the next move. The officer looks around him then drives off and away from your street.

Well he got the officer away from you but now what? Seeing you now would put all his years of hard work trying to protect you to waste. Those years of dedication to your safety would be for naught. He forces himself to think rationally. Well if anything he got you some time to yourself without being tailed by the authorities. It’s not an entirely selfish move, right?

Once he lands and disembarks from the aircraft, he heads straight to your place even without a plan of action. He checks the street cameras en route and finds that you’re outside, walking just a few blocks away from the park. The same park he had met you. Are you going to it or coming from it? Are you just walking by it? His heart is hammering in his chest. Are you seriously going there? He had hardly ever seen you visit that park after your encounter with him. Is it just coincidence? Is this his chance?

He rushes to the park, arriving ahead of you, and goes straight to the spot where the mob had dumped his bloody body. The memories and emotions come rushing back to him and he thinks it’s now or never. He goes to look for you and finds you strolling along the path at an easy pace. He moves to meet you as you make a turn on the path and you finally notice him with a frightened yelp.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. “I’m still being monitored. Aren’t they after you?” He fights back another smile upon hearing the worry in your words and in your voice. Maybe you’re just concerned for your own agenda since you had questions you wanted to ask him yourself but he likes the concern you express for him. He admires your willingness to help him even if it might stem from selfish intentions.

“I paid off the guy who’s supposed to be tailing you right now. I also blocked the signal of the nearby security cameras,” he calmly responds. He watches as you look around and he beckons you over to him when you look back at him. He gently pulls you along as he begins to walk while keeping a hand at your back to urge you into step with him. Your steps are slow and he can feel your nervousness as he guides you forward.

You ask him, “Were you looking for me?”

He hesitates to answer. How much should he tell you? “Not exactly. I noticed where you were going today so I decided to visit,” is his vague reply.

“Oh. Is it because this area is a good place to talk?” you ask slowly.

He answers simply, “No, it’s no that.” Suddenly he’s desperate for you to understand him and his actions. With a small gesture to a familiar area of the park he says, “That’s where I fell in love you. Thought it’d be nice if I could visit again with you.”

He feels you fall back and eventually stop walking. He dreads your reaction and the expression on your face, but he fears a lack of recollection the most. “Jason?” is the barely audible inquiry. “You’re really Jason Todd?”

He sighs softly in relief and faces you fully. He doesn’t know what he would have done if you hadn’t remembered. “Yeah. Sorry we had to meet again like this… when I’m like this.”

You step back and he fights the desire to step forward. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you have to play this mystery game with me?!” He’s speechless for a moment with your words indicating that your initial thoughts are of having been toyed with for his entertainment.

He quickly becomes defensive as he responds back, “I wasn’t going to! I wasn’t going to tell you but you - ” he pauses to calm himself. “But then you came here. Here, of all places, and I couldn’t resist. It would’ve been better if you had forgotten me. I would’ve let you go and never bothered you again.”

“Forget you?” you question. He is surprised to hear the hurt in your voice. “I thought… I thought you forgot me! I thought that day meant nothing to you! We never talked after that -  you didn’t so much as spare me a glance for years! I was sure you never even knew my name!”

He can’t help but feel hope and a sense of relief at the fact you thought about him as much as he thought about you. He starts to remove his helmet as he explains himself to you, “I told you it’s easy to find someone. Finding out who you were was easy. But not approaching you afterwards was intentional. I chose not to. It was so hard to do.” He holds your gaze for a long moment until you look away.

“But why?” he hears you ask with a hint of sadness. “If you loved me, why would you avoid me? Why did you choose now to do this to me?”

He can’t stand the thought of hurting you and he’s ready to tell you everything. “All these years I wanted to protect you and keep you away from this, the things I do. But when the opportunity came that you could finally find out who I am,” he takes a deep breath, “I crumbled. My resolve diminished. I wanted you to find out; to know who I am. After so long you came back into my life, and I wanted to talk to you and be with you.”

You’re watching him and he knows you’re wary. “I think… I want to be with you too, but can I? You’ve stayed away from me all this time - ”

He stops you before you can express further doubts about his sincerity. His tone is almost desperate as he says, “And I don’t think I can do it anymore. You’re as sweet and as kind as you were when I first met you. I can’t leave you alone in this miserable world. I’d rather protect you myself.” He steps closer to you without realizing it and holds a hand out to you tentatively. He can’t restrain the smile that spreads across his face when you slowly place your hand in his. He gingerly grips your hand, elated to finally touch you after so many years.

Your voice is playful as you say, “I think I lived just fine up to now though. I was under your protection all this time, wasn’t I?”

He scoffs then and with a shake of his head he responds, “I put your name on a No Harm List and it wasn’t enough to keep you out of the police’s hands. From the very beginning, I didn’t want them bothering you because of me. But it’s even worse that idiots from my group caused this mess in the first place.” Talking about his criminal organization reminds him of the business plans that were scheduled for the day. He groans and lets out a loud sigh before explaining to you, “I have to go now. I need to fly to Venezuela for business. I was supposed to be on a plane by now.”

“Okay. When will I see you again?” He sees the uncertainty in your features but he marvels at how easily you’ve adjusted to the flow of the conversation. This day really turned out much better than he had expected - the best possible outcome in fact.

He contemplates the situation with the government and says, “I don’t know. It’d be smart to wait until this police business blows over, but I don’t think I can wait that long. I’ll make sure to come to you as soon as I’m done.”

“Be careful,” he hears you say and a wide smile spreads across his face. “Come back to me.” It really did feel nice to have you worrying and caring for him again. He had no idea being in your thoughts would make him so happy.

“I promise,” he says as he places a kiss on your forehead. “You should go home now. The officers assigned to tail you are about to switch shifts now.” Then he’s struck with mischievousness as he lowers his lips to your ear and whispers, “Unless you want to run away with me right here and now. We’ve waited long enough, haven’t we?”

“Don’t tease me, Jason Todd!” He lets you shove him and he laughs as he puts his helmet back on.

“Lay low until I get back,” he urges, hoping no one finds out that you’ve made contact with him. Who knows how obvious you’ll be with the government watching your every move. He still faces you as he takes several steps back, almost unwilling to take his eyes off of you.

Then he turns to run off.

This is just the beginning. He finally has everything he’s ever wanted and, he thinks, the world is finally in his hands.

.

.

.

[lloydskywalkers]

those left behind (part one)

Read on FFN. 

In the aftermath of Harumi and Garmadon and the loss of Ninjago, Lloyd and Nya try to piece together what's left of their family - and figure out what comes next. It's a slow process.

(Aka Crippling Angst! Post-Finale Edition)

The first light of dawn is just creeping over the horizon when they reach the outskirts of the city, the rising sun painting the morning sky a bloody, brilliant red. Smoke rises from the city behind them, visible even at this distance – the screams and sounds of destruction are mercifully muffled, though. The morning air is unnervingly silent – the usual sounds of wildlife are gone, as if the very earth itself has ran from the destruction. The only sounds are those of their footsteps, weary and stumbling through the dirt.

Nya knows the way like the back of her hand, but this is the first time she’s gone by foot. There’s no other option, though. It was all they could do to get out of the city alive – any vehicle would have been too noticeable, too difficult to retrieve.

No one even mentions trying to spark their dragons. They already know what the result will be.

They reach the junkyard just as the sun rises fully over the horizon, the light it casts painful after the seemingly unending night of darkness. Nya leads the way under the rusted arch, her throat drying up.

The door to the to the trailer swings open with a loud whine, slamming back on its hinges as a figure rushes out, having seen them coming. They make a sorry picture, on the whole – Misako’s cheek is bruised, her hair a tangled mess as she holds her left arm awkwardly. Lloyd is slumped against her right arm, barely able to support himself, his blond hair dark with dirt and blood and his visible skin still a multi-colored collage of cuts and bruises. Pixal isn’t sporting any injuries, but her expression is dead, her right arm sparking slightly. Nya knows she’s not much better, her own injuries making themselves painfully apparent.

Edna Walker gasps in open horror. “Oh, Nya, sweetie-“ she steps forward, her eyes wide and searching as she looks them over. “What happened?”

Nya opens her mouth, then closes it. The door swings open again, and Ed Walker is running toward them, looking as stricken as his wife. He comes to a stop behind his wife, grabbing her hand.

“Nya?”

She shakes her head, her eyes flooding with tears as she chokes back a wracking sob. “I’m so sorry,” she croaks, wetly. “I’m so sorry.”

Lloyd is numb. Which is weird, because he hasn’t stopped shaking since he got here, his fingers trembling incessantly over the mug Mrs. Walker had forced into his hands, his teeth chattering.

“It’ll help,” she’d said to him kindly, her eyes weary with grief but soft as they searched him. “Do you need anything else? Are you alright?”

No, Lloyd had wanted to scream. No, I’m not, but I’m the reason your son isn’t here, so you definitely should not care at all-

Lloyd had simply nodded. Technically, he isn’t hurting right now – and despite the way he’s shaking, he doesn’t even feel cold.

Because he doesn’t feel anything. He’s still back in the city, stuck on a sky tram and watching the Bounty crushed to pieces on repeat.

Misako says something to him, after he lands on the boat, still winded from his exchange with Harumi. He doesn’t hear her – not even when she grabs his arm after he pilots the boat to a street corner, not even when he jumps off, her shouts echoing after him as he runs toward the city center.

Not even when he staggers to the wreckage of the Bounty, abandoned now that he’s moved on.

All Lloyd can hear are the last, desperate cries of the ninja – of his family, right before the colossi crushed the ship. They echo against his skull, replaying again and again, almost as loud as his frantic denial.

No, no, no no nonono please-

“Kai!”

He tears into the wreckage, splintered wood and sharp metal debris slicing into his hands as he yanks it aside. He barely registers the pain, only pulling harder at the remains of the Bounty, looking for any traces of black or white or blue or – or red-

“Cole, Jay, Zane – come on!”

Please, please, please-

“Uncle Wu!”

Lloyd pauses, reaching with all he can for the core that’s always burned inside of him, for the familiar thrum of his power. There’s nothing – just the empty, hollow blankness he’d felt earlier. He squeezes his eyes shut, blinking back the surge of emotion. He’s knee-deep in the remains of his home, now. A part of him realizes that his mother has come to stand behind him, pulling gently at the wreckage along with him. Lloyd doesn’t process this – he’s managed to get deep enough to have hit the interior of the ship, and he’s starting to recognize the shapes and colors of the broken rubble he’s pulling away, the memories of an entire life built with these people-

Please.

Lloyd searches until the sky has started turning, the dark of the night beginning to lighten. By now, he’s missing half his fingernails and his hands are a bloody, torn mess. He clings to that pain like it's a lifeline - adds it to the throbbing pain in his leg, the dull aches that still pulses all over him. If he holds onto that, the physical agony, then maybe he can ignore - he can ignore-

Lloyd finally stops, staring at the wreckage, his hands falling uselessly to his sides.

They would have come up by now. They would have said something – Cole would have lifted the debris from them, or Zane would have found a way out, or Kai would have burned his way through, or-

They wouldn’t just wait there silently. They would be back up already, ready to fight, to get revenge because their home’s been destroyed, again. They wouldn’t still be under. They wouldn’t leave him hanging like this.

The only possible reason they’re not responding is – is –

“Lloyd,” his mother’s voice is hushed, quiet and full of grief. “Lloyd, son, we have to go.”

He shakes his head. He has to keep searching. He has to find them – he will find them, he just needs more time, he – they would never leave him behind, if situations were reversed-

Wild cries echo down the street, the now-familiar voices of the Sons of Garmadon.

“Lloyd,” his mother says, nearly begging him, her hand around his arm now. “Lloyd, please, we need to go-“

Lloyd blinks back the burn of tears, his fists clenching so tightly his nails bite bloody half-moons into his palms.

No, no, no-

He rips himself away from the wreckage, letting his mother pull him down the streets. He turns back as they flee, giving the Bounty one last look-

They’re not there. They’re not coming.

Lloyd staggers, his leg catching, and a hot spike of agony shoots through his ankle and up his calf. He gives a muffled cry of pain, stumbling forward. His mother grabs him in concern, and he swats her off. It’s nothing, he’d injured it earlier, that’s all. It’s always been weak, this is the same leg he’d broken a couple years back, that fateful day he fought the Overlord. It’s the same fiery throbbing he remembers, the same pain he’d pushed back as he’d climbed the tower, clinging desperately to Kai-

Lloyd misses a step, falling to his knees as his leg gives out.

No, no, no, no, no-

The Sons of Garmadon are even closer now, their voices too close for comfort, but Lloyd can’t bring himself to care.

Come on, then, he thinks, savagely. Come at me, I’ll make you pay-

With a sudden lurch, Misako has an arm around his middle and is hoisting him up, dragging him forward until they both stumble onto the boat. She pauses just to make sure he’s seated, then rushes to the wheel, revving the boat to life and taking them downriver, away from the burning city. Lloyd sits crumpled near the edge of the boat, his leg throbbing and his hands leaving little bloody patches where they’re clenched against the fabric of his uniform.

He had stayed like that until they’d gotten out of the city, his eyes glazing over as he’d fallen into a numb sort of haze. He barely remembers his mother talking to Pixal through the radio, telling her where to meet them. He doesn’t register getting out of the boat, Misako half-dragging him as they rushed to where Nya was hiding.

All he remembers is the horrible, stricken look in Nya’s eyes when he tells her. The desperate sort of denial that crosses her face as she shakes her head, telling him no, no, he has to be mistaken, that’s impossible-

Lloyd remembers being glad for the rush of tears that blurs his vision as she crumples against him, because it distorts the look of utter, heartbroken devastation on her face that he’d never, ever dreamed he’d see.

Everything after that is a painful, foggy haze – he barely even remembers how he got into the Walker’s house, or who draped the blanket over his shoulders. He’s not sure how long he’s been sitting here, but it has to be late afternoon – the sun is high in the sky, filtering through the blinds. Mr. and Mrs. Walker are outside with Pixal, talking over putting up safety measures. He doesn’t know where Nya is.

Lloyd shivers again, his shoulders seizing as the mug rattles against the table. Misako shoots him a look of concern, rising from where she’d flipping through an old book and crossing over to him.

“Lloyd-“ she hesitates at his tiny flinch as her hand rests on his shoulder. She sighs, weary and sad. “You should get some rest, son.”

Lloyd shakes his head. “I’m fine,” he says, even as a traitorous yawn escapes him. He clamps his jaw shut, slamming the mug down and standing up. “I can’t – we don’t have time, there’s too much to do, he’s – he’s still out there, mom, I have to-“

“Shh, Lloyd, Lloyd, calm down.” Misako’s voice is distressed as she grabs him, forcing him back down, this time onto one of the Walker’s old couches. She grabs his shoulders, forcing him to meet her gaze. “There’s nothing you can do like this,” she says, her voice gentle. “We’re safe for now, alright? You can’t do anything if you’re dead on your feet.”

We’re not safe, Lloyd wants to yell at her. No one is safe, not while Harumi is still out there, not while his father-

Lloyd winces, his heart stuttering as memories from the prison crash back down on him. He hurriedly thinks of something else, fighting back the sudden wave of nausea.  

“Okay,” he whispers, staring down at his hands, the bandages his mother had hastily put on just starting to loosen.

His mother leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she stands. She adjusts the blanket he has around his shoulders, pulling it more firmly around him. “Sleep, alright?” she says, firmly. “I’ll be in the room over if you need me.”

Lloyd nods, watching her leave the room. He sinks back against the couch, his head tipping back as he exhales wearily. He doesn’t want to sleep. He knows what’s waiting for him when he closes his eyes. It’s like after Morro, when he’d mistakenly thought sleep would be an escape from reality – except this time it’s a hundred, a thousand times worse. With Morro, Lloyd could wake up in his room on the Bounty, and Kai would-

Lloyd squeezes his eyes shut tightly, biting down hard on his lip. He can’t think about it, he can’t, he can’t-

The soft sound of footsteps brings him back, his eyes snapping open. Nya is standing in the room’s entrance, wearing a bright blue sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants, her hair loose from her usual ponytail. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and her face is lined in grief.

She clutches the blanket she’s holding tighter. “Hey,” she says, her voice raspy. “I – uh, Mrs. Walker gave me the only spare room, but it’s – it’s-“ she swallows, her jaw working. “It’s Jay’s old room, and I…your mom can have it, if she wants.”

Lloyd nods, his mouth dry. “Thanks,” he whispers.

Nya glances to the space on the couch beside him. “Got any room to share?” she says, offering him the weakest excuse for a smile he’s ever seen.

“Wha – oh, yeah, o-of course.” Lloyd scoots over, giving Nya more room as she climbs onto the couch beside him, tucking her feet up beneath her. She immediately curls up against him, her head pressing against his shoulder. They sit in silence, the only sounds the gentle murmur of conversation from outside, the sound of Misako turning pages in the other room.

He suddenly feels Nya’s hand wrap around his, her fingers squeezing his so tightly he can feel the bones creak. She shudders against him, the vibrations running up his arm. She doesn’t make a sound, but Lloyd feels the hot warmth of tears as they soak into his t-shirt arm. Lloyd bites his lip again, but this time he can’t stop the burn of tears that spills over.

It’s just them, now. They’re all that’s left.

Lloyd grips Nya’s hand even tighter, drops his head on hers, and cries himself to sleep.